Scarecrow and Mrs. King (1983–1987): Season 4, Episode 22 - The Khrushchev List - full transcript

[SOLDIERS CHATTERING
AND LAUGHING]

[SOLDIERS SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]

HARRY: Get down!

[CAMERA CLICKING]

[LAUGHING]

AMANDA: Mother and the boys
are in the mountains for another day...

so we have another 24 hours
to be Mr. and Mrs. Stetson.

Oh...

You know, I shouldn't complain,
Amanda, but our marriage is...

AMANDA: What?

I said I shouldn't complain,
but our marriage is like...



working for the fire department,
two days on and four days off.

Oh, come on. We knew
what it was gonna be like.

BOTH: Mm.

Amanda, uh, I really wish you
wouldn't go to all this trouble...

to make such a
big breakfast for me.

- I'm kind of a light eater in the morning.
- It's no trouble.

Besides that, I've seen what you
eat, day-old coffee and a stale roll.

Well, I like day-old
coffee and stale rolls.

Amanda?

- Have you seen my watch?
- Top drawer of the dresser.

Oh, I like to keep my watch on
the bathroom sink. It's waterproof.

Uh, have you seen my eye shadow?

- Eye shadow? Uh...
- Mm-hm.

Yeah, I did. I saw it the other day. It
looked all used up, so I threw it out.



- You threw it out?
- Yeah.

Oh, no, no, that's okay. It's just that,
you know, eye shadow's kind of tricky.

It looks like it's all used up,
but it's not really all used up.

If there's even just the tiniest
little bit in there, you can still use it.

It's probably good for
another couple of weeks.

- Yeah. I...
- It's okay.

- Okay. Uh...
- Uh...

- What are you looking for?
- My car keys.

Ah, they're on the table
next to the front door.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

I kind of like to keep the car
keys right here on the desk, heh.

We're having a little
problem, aren't we?

[SIGHS]

Yeah.

Amanda, I think it's because...

I have been a bachelor for so long,
I have gotten myself into habits...

- routines...
- Yeah, I have...

It's nothing. I was
being a little picky.

Yeah, and I...
Yeah, I understand.

- Okay...
- Yeah, I understand.

Look, I'm sure there are a lot of things
about me that, you know, bother you.

No, heh.

Well, come to think of it, there
is that little noise you make...

when you're drying your hair.

[CHUCKLES]

Well, that, uh, little
sound is, uh, singing.

- It's very good. Yeah.
- Mm.

- Yeah? Mm, heh-heh.
- Uh-huh.

- Heh.
- Well, heh...

Maybe we ought to really talk
about a couple of these things, huh?

- Mm-hm.
- Mm-hm.

- I mean, not that they're a problem.
- No.

- Keep them from being a problem.
- I'll tell you what...

- I will agree...
- Mm.

To let you keep the bedroom
window open just the way you like it...

if you promise me not to
hide my watch and car keys.

- I didn't hide your watch and car keys.
- Oh?

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello.

HARRY [OVER PHONE]:
Lee, it's Harry Thornton.

We need to meet you at
the regular drop, ASAP.

- I'll be right there.
- What's wrong?

That was Harry Thornton. He
wants to see me immediately.

LEE [ON TAPE]: Hello.

HARRY [ON TAPE]:
Lee, it's Harry Thornton.

We need to meet you at
the regular drop, ASAP.

LEE: I'll be right there.

[LINE DISCONNECTS]

LEE: Couple of years ago, Harry had
me meet him at one of our old drops.

AMANDA: Agency business?
- No.

Harry used the drop meet as a
way to surprise me for my birthday.

Heh. Well, at least we know...

- it isn't your birthday.
- Mm.

There's Harry.

Let's go.

- Harry.
- Lee.

[LEE CHUCKLES]

Ah, it's nice to see the
founder of the agency...

hasn't lost his fondness
for a good cover.

As of late, I've discovered that
no one retires from this business.

Ah.

I haven't had the pleasure.

HARRY: Christina Golitsyn.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

AMANDA: Lee! HARRY: Take cover.

[GUNFIRE]

We'll make contact later!

The Committee for Internal Security
got this from one of their Soviet contacts.

As you can see, the gentleman
is our very own Harry V. Thornton.

Just an hour ago, someone tried to
kill Harry and the woman in this picture.

What the hell is going on?

That's what the Soviet Embassy's
been asking all morning long.

Our side of the fence
isn't too happy either.

Everyone from the NSA
to the CIA wants to know...

what a supposedly retired agent is doing
playing tag with Russian border guards.

- Anything on the woman?
- Assuming she's Russian...

Francine's checking
the Soviet contact file.

Listen, Lee, you and Harry were the
only two who knew the rendezvous location.

A good chance one of you
was followed to the park.

Yeah.

The CIS distributed the report and
photo to every intelligence bureau in town.

Now, obviously, someone
at one of those agencies...

was aware of my relationship with Harry,
figured I'd be the person he'd contact.

They probably
tapped your phones.

I've sent a team to Lee's
to sweep the place for bugs.

Yeah, but if you
find one, who did it?

There's over a dozen agencies
who have access to our files...

which is, roughly speaking, about
50,000 people who could be suspect.

That's just great. I'll need
eyes in back of my head.

Francine, did you find
anything on the woman?

I ran the photo through the computer
and I came up with a bit of a mystery.

A photo taken 28 years ago indicates
that she might be Christina Golitsyn.

Now, if so, she was Harry's
Soviet contact during the late '50s.

- She worked out of the Russian Embassy.
- What's the mystery?

Christina Golitsyn
was killed 27 years ago.

Hard to believe 72 hours
ago, we were in Kirov, hm?

I want you to know, all those years
pretending to be someone else...

I never stopped dreaming
the day would come...

- it would be safe to contact you.
- Mm.

I'm sorry your mother had to
die before that was possible.

Ironically, her death was the only
way she would be safe from reprisals.

Now, just remember, 24 hours
from now we'll have the list...

and you can go back to
being Christina Golitsyn again.

After what happened this
morning, they must know I am alive.

The Americans named on the
Khrushchev List will not rest...

until they are certain I
am dead with their secret.

When we find out who they are,
Lee will put them out of business.

Oh. I never should have
put you in this danger.

Even your friend, Lee,
cannot contact you now.

Well, I'll get in contact with
him when we have the list.

Just keep thinking
how good it is to be free.

We're going to be spending
the rest of our lives together.

Smile now. I think we'll
have a little reunion.

- Heh-heh.
- Meatball.

[MEATBALL CHUCKLING]

Do you remember my
old friend, Meatball?

CHRISTINA: Heh.

MEATBALL: Ah...
- I could never forget.

This man stole the Bulgarian
ambassador's car right from under his nose.

[CHUCKLES]

And this is Gretchen Stromberg. You
might remember her mother, Joanna.

Of course, of course. Oh. Oh.

Your mother was one of
the bravest women I know.

- I can't wait to tell her I've seen you.
- Oh.

HARRY: Meatball will
be our eyes and ears.

Gretchen's working with the GAO.

She'll get the plans and guard
schedules for the warehouse.

It's just the four of us, so
we got a lot of work to do.

Let's go.

Do you remember Andre Rostov?

KGB agent connected
with the Stemwinder case?

Yeah. We still have him
locked up out at old Fort Dexter.

Yeah.

He might be able to come up with
something about Christina Golitsyn.

He was the KGB station
chief in D.C. during the '50s.

But knowing Rostov, it's
gonna take a little persuasion.

- Persuasion? LEE:
Yeah, nothing heavy.

Heh. Andre has fallen in
love with American shopping.

His information can usually be
bought for a, uh, cashmere sweater...

or a case of champagne.

With Harry out in the cold,
doesn't it make sense...

he would contact
some of his old family?

Yeah, you're probably right.

If they are watching me, I'll have
T.P. do the long-distance work.

Okay, in that case, I'm gonna
reroute your call to six bogus locations.

Anybody's listening,
it'll keep them busy.

Good.

T.P., Scarecrow.

Listen, I need some legwork done. We
have an eyes-and-ears problem here...

so from now on, we'll use
the Lisbon Rules, okay?

All right, Amanda will leave the
information at the drop in 20 minutes.

Good.

Ah.

Mr. Stetson. It's been a long
time since we've had a visit.

It sure has.

- Miss Desmond, you look lovely as ever.
- Heh. Thank you.

[ROSTOV CHUCKLES]

Any word on my stereo speakers?

Studio monitors are pretty
hard to come by, you know that?

ROSTOV: Oh.

But maybe I can grease some
bureaucratic wheels if you help me out.

Take a look at this.

Her name is Christina Golitsyn.

She was a courier for the
Russian Embassy during the '50s.

Let's walk.

She was supposed to have been killed
when she returned to Russia 27 years ago.

Then this other picture
turns up last week.

- Uh... LEE: Do you
know the woman?

ROSTOV: Yes, of
course. Christina Golitsyn.

Many years ago, I heard she'd been
sent back to Moscow to be executed.

Uh, supposedly, she was
killed in a car accident...

before the dirty
business was completed.

- But, of course, she's
obviously still alive. LEE: Mm.

I must say, that, uh,
could upset some people.

Why do you say that?

Have you ever heard
of the Khrushchev List?

Why?

In the late '50s, Khrushchev
must have realized...

that eventually he would
lose favor with the party...

because it was rumored
that he had, uh, formed...

a private spy network
for political leverage.

[CHUCKLES]

The spies involved were all...

young American government
officials with promising futures.

- That's a hell of a
rumor. ROSTOV: Yeah.

And some years later,
I heard more rumors...

that documents were
hidden in Washington...

that named the
Americans involved.

Christina would have been highly
placed if she'd been connected to the list.

Oh, no, Christina
was only the courier.

But she was one of the few people who
knew where the documents were buried.

It's probably why she
was marked for execution.

ROSTOV: Yes. Heh.

It's an effective
way to keep a secret.

[CHUCKLES]

If the strong box containing the
documents is not opened properly...

it is rigged to explode.

- Does Christina know
this? ROSTOV: Oh, no.

It's not the sort of thing a
courier would have been told.

Nice work.

You made page
one on the CIS report.

Every intelligence agency in this
town is looking for Harry and the woman.

- And they're all very curious.
- Relax, Singer.

You're internal
security counsel.

You get every update
on Stetson's investigation.

I'll pick up his trail after
you get the next report.

Oh, by the way, does the,
uh, Russian woman know...

any of the names on the list?

- No.
- Good.

We've got to be certain
that she never finds out.

Some of my associates on
the list are getting nervous.

I've worked too hard for my
position to be jeopardized...

by my second
career coming to light.

Just get those reports and
there won't be any problems.

If you take care of this, you
could have a very enviable career.

But Christina Golitsyn has got
to be found and dealt with now...

or there won't be
anything left for either of us.

Done.

LEE: If Harry wanted to
give this Christina a new life...

he should have come
to me before running off.

FRANCINE: He's worried
somebody on that list might be alive...

and working in government
positions. He couldn't trust anyone.

That does not explain why he
tried to contact you this morning.

LEE: If he is after that list, I'm
the only one that can deliver it.

Billy, Scarecrow.

Francine and I are on our way
to check out a hunting cabin...

that Harry sometimes
used as a safe house.

One of the CIA
sources has also linked...

Christina Golitsyn to
the Khrushchev List.

And the CIS has put the
report on their last transmission.

That's just great.

Now every fed eyeing a
promotion will be on this.

Yes. And because Harry
has gone underground...

some agencies are suggesting...

he might be planning to
blackmail the people on the list.

- That's not what you're
thinking? BILLY: Of course not.

I sent a request to the internal security
director for an exclusive on the case.

We don't want this
thing to turn into a circus.

It already has.

I'll talk to you later. Out.

According to Christina's file, she
and Harry were romantically involved.

- Heh, you're kidding?
- No.

Harry used to caution me about
getting romantically involved...

- with anyone I worked with.
- Heh.

I seem to remember a couple of
times you ignored that bit of wisdom.

- Oh?
- Yeah.

Well, apparently, Harry didn't
take his own advice either.

FRANCINE: Hm.

- Why don't you check around back?
- Okay.

MAN: Move and you're dead.

No.

Move and you're dead.

I don't think so.

Then think again.

LEE: We're from the agency.

I suggest you start to
explain what you're doing here.

I'm CIA. I've got
nothing to explain.

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

Listen to me, Jenkins.

I want you and that other clown
you call a field agent off my turf.

Your turf? Come on.

Harry Thornton is fair
game and you know it.

You got my priority dispatch saying
the agency was going to be handling this.

Yeah, sure, I got it. A couple
of the boys at Langley...

were a little
concerned, you know?

They were concerned about
how thorough you might be...

while investigating
one of your own.

If you're hinting I'd
take part in a cover-up...

- I'll have your job so fa...
- Hey, Billy. Billy, Billy. Hey.

Forget it, huh? The internal
security director's on the phone.

- He wants to talk to Jenkins.
- Thank you.

You better face it, Melrose...

good old Harry just got bored.

He got bored staying home
and watering the lawn...

watching the TV with the game
shows and the soap operas, you know?

And he and that lady friend of his,
they, uh, saw a chance to blackmail...

a few of America's
less-than-finest.

They just went into business
for themselves, that's all.

I suggest that you answer that phone
before I do something that I won't regret.

According to the duty roster...

the guards only check the rear
storage areas every other hour.

There's no surveillance cameras.

We shouldn't be looking
at too many problems.

Good work. Just
like your mother.

CHRISTINA: What
is the alarm system?

Uh, it's a standard
Heidman-Palmer...

that can be cut without
alerting the back-up system.

[MEATBALL GRUNTS]

After the guards
make their rounds...

we've got at least... At least 90
minutes to dig up the strong box.

- A walk in the park.
- Just like old times, Harry.

Now, how about a few sweet
words here to bless this caper?

Of course.

Tonight, we hoist the giraffe...

and tomorrow, Khrushchev's
legacy will be known to all.

Just remember, the director
only gave us 12 hours exclusive.

Once that's run out, Jenkins
will be on this case like a blanket.

She'd like nothing more but
to dance all over our backs.

Francine and I will check out
the cabin, then pay a visit to T.P.

Amanda and I will get
breakdowns of any agency...

that will be tracking
our investigation.

- Remember, keep your eyes open.
- We will.

- There's nothing in the appointment book.
- Clear the table.

What are you doing?

Harry left this atomizer as a
signal that he left a message, right?

I didn't wanna say anything to Billy,
he has to report everything to the CIS.

Look at this.

FRANCINE: A message
on the back of a painting.

Something you'd expect from a Boy
Scout, not the founder of the agency.

Well, that's Harry. He never
did trust modern technology.

Look at this. "Too many ears.
Will have to contact you later."

Now what?

We don't have any choice.

We gotta stop him from getting
to that strong box. Come on.

What the hell's going on?
Why'd you wanna meet here?

Privacy.

Our crew checked and
found a bug on your line.

It was one of ours. State-of-the-art,
U.S. government issue.

We don't know who's
listening or when or where.

Which means I'll have
to work this one alone.

Whoever's on that list will
be following my every move.

We can't even go to the
CIS director. He may be dirty.

All right. You
report only to me.

I'll supervise an electronic sweep
of my office and my phone line.

Sorry to leave you out in
the cold like this, Scarecrow.

Harry's worth it.

Remember, if you're followed,
there's very little you can do.

Just make sure
you get to Harry first.

Your information was correct.

Stetson's alone. He's
leaving the agency now.

Make sure you
don't crowd Stetson.

He's good and could
eliminate you in a second.

Don't worry. I was
trained by the CIS.

I prefer to worry. Stetson
was trained by Thornton.

[CHUCKLES]

[QUACKING]

There you go, that's from
your Uncle Lee. Yeah.

Come on, fellows, right over here.
Come on, there's enough for everybody.

Word is, you're a bit tepid. No, I
meant that for... I meant that for him.

Now you let him have it.

A little musical interlude would be a
pleasant distraction for any eavesdroppers.

[MOZART'S "EINE KLEINE
NACHTMUSIK" PLAYS]

Have you been able to
locate Harry's old family?

I tell you, they're
either expired...

or they're playing
shuffleboard down in Florida.

Uh... Oh... Oh...
There, that's it, yeah.

But, you know, I, uh... I did manage
to dig up the name of a fellow in town...

who used to freelance for Harry.
An old boxer named Meatball Bonfelli.

Meatball. Is he still around?

Heh. I haven't
seen him for years.

You know, he'd be our best bet.
Harry always had absolute trust in him.

Last I heard, he was staying
at the Tidal Basin Hotel.

About this time of day, you
could probably find him...

over at the gym
on, uh, Main Street.

- He's in training down there.
- What about Christina Golitsyn?

I have been saving
the best until last.

Now, I dug up a
gem of a rumor...

that the premier's list was kept under
one of the government buildings...

that were used to house
Khrushchev's entourage.

It shouldn't be hard to get a
list of those buildings used.

Well, keep in mind that Khrushchev's
people were moved frequently.

Security precautions.

That list could be
as long as your arm.

[DUCK QUACKING]

That's it, no more.

T.P.'s lunch.

[T.P. SIGHS]

- An old boxer named Meatball Bonfelli.
- Meatball. Is he still around?

QUISGUARD: Thanks for the music.
It takes the tedium out of lip reading.

You know, he's
probably our best bet.

This is, uh, Assistant
Undersecretary Quisguard.

Connect me with
Counsel Singer, please.

[GRUNTING]

Hey. How you doing?

If you're looking for
sparring work, get in line.

No, I'm looking for a guy who
used to train here sometimes.

Meatball Bonfelli?

I wish I could help you, but
I haven't seen him in days.

- Hey, Meatball, I wanna talk to you.
- Hey.

If he doesn't wanna talk to
you, you don't get to talk to him.

Heh. Just back off, pal, huh?

[MAN GRUNTS]

Hey, Meatball.

Oh, great.

Hey.

Hey, come on, Meatball. I
came to talk to you about Harry.

- He's in big trouble.
MEATBALL: Hey, it's okay, guys.

Give me some room. Thanks.

- Looking good, Lee.
Good to see you. LEE: Hey.

Heh-heh. Sorry about my friends here.
They're a shy and sensitive bunch, though.

Thanks, guys. Thanks.

So, uh...

[CHATTERING]

Meatball, I've gotta
speak to Harry.

Every agency in town knows about
him getting Christina out of Russia...

and that he's trying to get a
list of their American operatives.

Lee, I'm can appreciate
where you're coming from...

but I haven't seen Harry
since the last Hagler fight.

I give you my word as
a professional athlete.

I guess that's why you
don't wanna be seen, right?

A stranger here is either a bill collector,
a tax man, or somebody's irate husband.

Meatball, you're stonewalling
me. You and I both know why.

You get to Harry and tell
him the box the list is in...

is rigged to explode.

Hey, like I said, he's been a ghost
around here for like six months.

There's a good chance I'm
being followed. You know that?

You are the only one who
can get to Harry. You do it.

AMANDA: Okay,
this is everything.

In 1959, five of these buildings
were bachelor officers' quarters...

uh, three were warehouses
converted to temporary housing...

and two were set up as office
facilities for Khrushchev's staff.

All have basements where
the box could be buried.

- Yep.
- Who are these buildings assigned to now?

Uh, Department of Defense,
Smithsonian Institute...

Patent Office,
Department of the Interior.

Four locations are secured
with top-secret entry...

and the rest are
offices and warehouses.

Gonna take a mountain of
paperwork to get in those buildings...

let alone dig up
their basements.

- We should post guards on each building.
- It's already done.

If Harry wants to get
into one of those places...

nothing's gonna stop him.

I found six agencies requesting
files on both Harry and Lee.

But only two of them had asked to
be kept current on the investigation.

That's the CIA and the
Committee for Internal Security.

We already know about the CIA. Who
requested status reports from the CIS?

It came through the director's
office. Only six people in that office...

have the authority to request the
forms. The director, the counsel...

and four undersecretaries.

A CIS rep that I talked to
said he didn't understand why...

our office sent some additional
file data over to his department.

Some information on a former freelance
operative called Meatball Bonfelli.

Get over to CIS. Check
their comm center.

Find out where they
delivered that report.

I don't give a damn
whose toes you step on.

Amanda and I will check
all our outgoing logs.

Okay.

I just hope I didn't deliver
Meatball to the morgue.

[DOOR CLOSES]

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

Hello, Gretchen,
this is Meatball.

Listen, I got to speak to Harry
right away. There might be trouble.

How long ago did he leave?

[LOCK CLICKING]

Look, Gretchen, I
can't talk right now.

Yeah, I'll meet Harry and
Christina at the rendezvous.

[MEATBALL GRUNTING]

Where is Thornton
hiding Christina Golitsyn?

Huh?

Uh, hard to say.

Heh. Ah.

They could be on a
tour of the White House.

[CHUCKLES]

You may think you're funny now, but
in a couple of seconds, you'll be talking.

MEATBALL: Yeah, it's
the old produce mart, huh?

Huh? Eh. Uh...

Are you sure that's
where you're to meet him?

Oh, yeah, sure.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

[MEATBALL CHUCKLES]

Come on, open the door,
Meatball. It's Stetson.

Meatball. Meatball, you okay?

It's me, Lee Stetson.

- Come on, get up.
- Lee, Lee.

- Come on.
- Lee, you gotta warn Harry.

It's me, Lee.

- The old produce mart. The guy knows.
- Okay.

- You're gonna be all right. Just hang on.
- Warn Harry.

Yeah, this is Scarecrow.

I need a paramedic team at
the Tidal Basin Hotel, Room 339.

This is a flash-fire
priority. You got that?

Okay. Get over here
as soon as possible.

I gotta wake up. Wake up.

Eighty feet of rope,
crowbars, blocks and tackle.

Hey, Meat... Meatball,
listen. Look at this stuff.

Eighty feet of rope,
crowbars, block and tackle.

Oh, yeah.

Is this the gear to
dig up the strong box?

- Where is the strong box?
- It's the giraffe. The giraffe.

- Giraffe? What...?
- Yeah, it's buried under the giraffe.

Yeah, tell Harry.
Harry knows. Warn him.

I will. Don't you worry.
You just hang on.

Harry knows. Oh.

Gotta warn Harry.

LEE: I still can't make any
sense out of Meatball saying...

the box was buried
under the giraffe.

BILLY [OVER PHONE]: Maybe
he wasn't capable of making sense.

What about the government
buildings we checked?

Are any of them allocated
to the National Zoo?

BILLY: I'll check
and get back to you.

The condition Meatball was
in, I wouldn't be surprised...

if the giraffe was standing
right there in his living room.

[BRADY SIGHS]

Francine, it's
like I told you...

all requests for the status
reports came from the same office.

Brady, did that same
office happen to request...

anything on a freelancer
named Meatball Bonfelli?

Yeah, just a couple of hours ago. We were
told to deliver the report immediately.

- Now for the $100 question...
- Wait. I know what you're gonna ask me.

I cannot give you the name of
the person who made the requests.

Oh, come on, Brady, you
used to work at the agency.

I have over a dozen
top-secret clearances.

I mean, you can
give me the name.

Um...

Look, Francine, I don't care if you have
more clearances than Caspar Weinberger...

I still have to have a
handwritten authorization.

Oh, but that takes time.
I don't have any time.

Okay, all right. Brady, look, I
understand your position, all right?

It's just that I am desperate.

I am just about desperate enough
to go up and down those halls...

and tell everybody that little secret
you told me when we were dating.

Remember the one about the shoe
boxes that you keep under your bed?

Hey, wait a minute, Francie. You
promised you'd never tell anybody.

I was lying. You give me
the name of the person...

who requested those agency
status reports or I'm gonna...

All right, Francine,
all right. Here.

Internal security
counsel to the president?

Right.

Walter Singer.

Hey, uh, Francine...

what are you doing Friday night?

[FRANCINE SIGHS]

Eight o'clock?

Bingo.

Either I've lost my touch, or I owe
you congratulations for finding us.

Harry, run for it!
He's on to you!

LEE: I feel pretty ridiculous
digging up every giraffe cage in town.

What can we do? We can't go
after the president's counsel...

without solid evidence.

Oh, yeah? I'm gonna forget the evidence
and squeeze it out of Singer myself.

All right, hold it, hold it.
Just suppress that urge.

[LEE SIGHS]

I was really sure that we were
gonna find a painted or stuffed giraffe...

somewhere in the
Smithsonian warehouse.

But there's nothing there
but collections of artifacts.

If Amanda and Francine can't find
anything in the inventory books...

maybe crypto will
come up with something.

I sure hope so.

Look, I'm gonna call the hospital,
see if Meatball's recovered.

All right. I'll continue
checking out this treasure hunt.

[CHATTERING]

[PHONE RINGS]

Scarecrow.

FRANCINE [OVER
PHONE]: Lee, we hit pay dirt.

What do you have?

The Smithsonian just sent in a breakdown
of the artifacts in Warehouse 214...

one of which happens to
be a 19th-century piano...

used by President Pierce.

- Francine, we're not looking for a
piano. FRANCINE: Well, maybe we are.

This one just happens to
be called a giraffe piano.

LEE: You're not serious?

FRANCINE: One thousand
pounds of giraffe, crated...

and sitting in the warehouse
basement for over 70 years.

LEE: Wait a second.

Half-inch rope and block and
tackle was on Meatball's shopping list.

What you need to lift a
piano and see what's under it.

Yeah.

- We'll meet you at the warehouse.
- All right, on my way.

Okay.

[DOOR OPENS]

Perimeter's been
checked. There's no activity.

- Amanda's keeping an eye on things.
- Good.

This place is so understaffed,
Gaddafi could walk down that hall.

Get the guards away from the warehouse.
I don't want anyone shooting at Harry.

- Okay.
- Let's check that layout.

QUISGUARD [OVER
PHONE]: We're going in now.

Remember, the agency is
already suspicious of me.

We can't afford any mistakes.
You know the back-up plan.

Affirmative.

We're going in just
the way you planned.

If you're planning on playing hero,
I've got my gun at your lady's back.

Getting in and out of the warehouse
will be easier if it's just the two of us.

You can leave Christina
tied up in the car.

I appreciate your gallantry, old man,
but, uh, let's make this a family outing.

Once we've cut the alarms, check
your layout for a side-door entrance.

May I ask why?

I'll feel more comfortable
with more than one exit.

There might be agency guards.

While I get the
tools out of the back,

think about how we're
gonna get around them.

The storage space for the piano is
in this wing. I'd better get down there.

Pull Amanda off the
perimeter to back you up.

I'll check the rear of the building.
We don't want them to walk out.

Right.

Get to work, Harry.

[COCKS GUN]

Don't try it.

QUISGUARD: Get the box out.

Can't we make a deal?

I can get you a hundred
thousand if you let her go.

No, Harry.
Together or not at all.

Is this what they call
"love in bloom," Harry?

HARRY: Whoever you're
working for must realize...

by now that you're
the last link to the list.

Why should he let you live?

You. You stay right next to
your boyfriend, right over there.

Either one of you moves, you'll
be wearing this piano for a hat.

Freeze.

[QUISGUARD SCREAMS]

Harry, you all right?

- Let's have a look. Come here.
- It's okay.

SINGER: I wouldn't
do that if I were you.

Bring the box over here, slowly.

If that's you, Singer,
it's already too late.

[LEE GRUNTS]

SINGER: Now back
toward your friends, slowly.

I'm warning you, if you open
that box, it is rigged to explode.

SINGER: Your warning is very
thoughtful, but, please, I'm not stupid.

I'm telling you, it's
rigged to explode.

Singer, don't!

Amanda, listen to me, will you? If
we made lists of each other's quirks...

we could sit down
and talk everything out.

You know, with
reason, rationally.

That list was a rough draft.
I didn't expect you to read it.

Okay, okay, six pages of
quirks is a bit excessive.

Maybe a little petty, but I...

- When will I ever learn?
- Learn what?

Uh, nothing,
nothing. How's Harry?

- Well, he only had a flesh wound.
- Oh, good.

And what about our bogus list?

- It worked really fine.
- Mm.

When we announced we were
taking the list to the grand jury...

the phone started ringing off the hook.
The two remaining members on the list...

decided to make a deal
with the federal prosecutor.

So they turned each
other in. Heh-heh-heh.

You have an estimate of
the damage they caused?

It'll take a little
time to add it all up...

but at least they won't be
causing any more damage.

When you see Amanda...

Um...

- Problems?
- Problems?

No, not really. No problems.

- Lee.
- What?

Whenever Jeanie
and I bumped heads...

we'd both make a list about
everything that bothered us.

Then we'd very calmly
and rationally sit down...

and work through the
list from top to bottom.

It wasn't easy, but it worked.

Maybe you and Amanda
should do the same thing.

Yeah, maybe.

Thanks, Billy.

You know, partnership
is like a marriage.

You'll be getting
practice for the real thing.

Well, you never know, Scarecrow. I mean,
stranger things have happened. Heh-heh.

Mm.

Hi.

Uh, I just saw Harry. He's been
discharged from the hospital.

He is looking great. Heh.

- What are you doing?
- I'm writing you a note.

Uh, Amanda, I realize that making
that list was a very stupid thing to do.

Everybody does silly little things
that bothers the other person.

- Do you have flowers behind your back?
- No.

- More complaints?
- No.

It's a list of all the things
that I love about you.

Aw.

Better be a long list.

Mm.

[English - US -SDH]