Scarecrow and Mrs. King (1983–1987): Season 3, Episode 21 - Three Little Spies - full transcript

Lee and Amanda are forced to work with Russian and Chinese spies to recover some stolen detonators.

- Cornbread mix?
- That's what the label said.

The surprise inside was one
of the 10 nuclear detonators...

- stolen from our Harrisburg arsenal.
- Harrisburg?

I have been opening and closing
that file for the past two years.

- Nothing but dead ends.
- Thanks to this Pakistani national...

that the Russians and Chinese
nailed, you can open it again.

Pakistan? Why would they
want a nuclear detonator?

They don't even have a bomb.

That's right. The nations
that do have the bomb...

have an agreement to prevent
the spread of nuclear weapons.

Uh, which the Chinese and
the Russians think we just broke.

- They think we're trying to arm Pakistan?
- They do. They're testy about it.

What's the word from the White House?
- Oh, plenty.

But to, uh, translate all
the diplomatic double talk...

the, uh, president
admitted to the whole thing.

He told them about the
other stolen detonators?

All nine of them. He also told them
about the integrated guidance gyros...

the U-7 backup actuators, and
the, uh, System 8 adaptability.

All the ingredients...

- for a nice little Armageddon.
- Mm-hm.

We're gonna hear about this
for the next couple arms talks.

No. Gorbachev and Zhao
saw the president's revelation...

kind of like a, uh, beginning of
an open and honest exchange...

between countries. LEE: Hmm.

Which means they want something.

- Yeah.
- But what?

They want an international task
force set up to find the detonators.

Isaac Petrovich from the KGB, Chien
Chang from Chinese Intelligence...

and, uh, the U.S. agent who was originally
in charge of the investigation...

of the stolen detonators.

Oh, no, no. No, no, no.

You cannot order me to work
with those two weasels, Billy.

- See this John Hancock?
- No. I...

It's the president's.
This is a presidential

order. It's the kind
of order we follow.

- Let's get the ball rolling.
- Come on.

You know Petrovich. You know Chang.
They're a couple of cold-blooded killers.

Machines. I won't even be
able to turn my back on them...

- let alone work with them.
- You're just gonna have to try.

Then give me two more agents to
keep an eye on those two bloodsuckers...

24 hours a day.

Uh, according to this agreement
here, it says only one agent per country.

But it doesn't say anything
about working with a non-agent.

Amanda? In with those pack
of jackals? Are you crazy?

Those guys play hardball, Billy. Come
on. They'll turn on you just like that.

- I need help.
- I know it.

Oh, the gray suitcase. Are
you going on a long trip?

No, just for a few days.

- What do you got in here, bricks?
- Oh, just stuff from the attic.

Odds and ends. AMANDA: Mm-hm.

- What are you working on this time?
- It's a government documentary.

- It's sort of classified.
- Classified?

- You mean like spies and stuff?
- Sweetheart.

Right, worm brain.

Philip, don't call your
brother worm brain.

- Look at this stuff. My old yearbooks.
- Heh-heh.

- Autograph book. Scrapb...
- That's what mothers do.

- They save all this stuff.
- Oh, Mother.

Ah, Lois Ann.

Heh, I can remember when
you named Lois Ann. Oh.

Used to cuddle her at night
and tell her all your secrets.

She'd soak up all your
tears when you'd cry.

And, heh, I can remember how she'd
laugh when she flew across the room.

Well, she was my best
friend for a long time.

It's hard to say
goodbye to your little girl.


When I get back, we're
gonna go through all this stuff...

and we're gonna spend
some time together.

- I'd like that.
- I love you.

All right.

The Flying Command Post has
all the comforts of the home office.

Okay, we have scrambler
phones on red-apple sequence...

satellite hookups for audio
and video on 12 megahertz...

computer inputs, chemical
and data analysis lab...

and Intelligence library patch
codes. I think I got it, Francine.

Okay, the crew is sealed and ready
to fly. And our guests are arriving.

- Francine, would you...?
- Yeah. Excuse me.

- Sure.
- Billy.

This computer is loaded with
priority-one interagency codes.

Did I miss the memo that changed
their status? They used to be top secret.

They are, but you need to speak
to me on the Spacenet satellite.

- You're activating Spacenet?
- The president said full cooperation.

He didn't say give away the store.
Those guys are the worst kind...

Ahem. Excuse me, uh, gentlemen.
This is Isaac Petrovich, KGB...

and Mr. Chang,
Chinese Intelligence.

- I'm Melrose.
- How are you?

I believe you both know Stetson.

And I'm Amanda King.
I'm Mr. Stetson's assistant.

Her name is Nadine.

- Hello.
- She doesn't speak English.

- Sorry, heh.
- Jin Sung.

Jin Sung is fluent in English, Russian,
Farsi, Urdu, and lower Croatian.

- But who's counting?
- It is pleasure to meet you all.

What a charming tableau.

Three little spies
out to save the world.

Or is it six little spies?


The information my
government pledged to deliver.

From the crate in the truck.

You give them access
to all this for that?

These ID numbers
from that crate...

are what we need to start
tracking that smuggling ring.

Francine, let's run this through the
L-7. Follow me, gentlemen, please.

- Sure.
- Amanda...

Do you want...? Uh, ladies,
I'll show you to your quarters.


Ahem, you'll be briefed
on the console later.

That won't be
necessary, Mr. Stetson.

I'm fully checked out
with the L-7 system.

- Oh. How can you be?
- There are not so many secrets, Scarecrow.

Lot number 67281 of Ron's
Mom's Cornbread Mix...

was apparently manufactured January
15th at a mill in Des Moines, Iowa.

It looks like it was shipped
to a Denver distribution house.

Yeah. And then it was donated to
an international relief organization...

called Food for Flight,
headquartered in Los Angeles.

And it looks like Randall
Skylar is the man to see.

There you have it. Your destination is Los
Angeles. You'll be airborne in 10 minutes.

I'll coordinate the support
logistics, including cover.

Miss Desmond will begin
a dossier on Food for Flight.

Make yourselves
comfortable. And good luck.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

You can handle this, Scarecrow.

Just make yourself

- Keep yourself above it.
- Heh.

And remember
what's on the line here.


- Amanda?
- Yes, sir?

I don't have to tell you how
important you are to this assignment.

Lee has trained for years
developing finely tuned instincts...

and every one of them will be telling him
to get the best of Petrovich and Chang...

- before they get the best of him.
- Yes, sir, but he's very responsible.

isn't the question.

- Self-control is.
- Yes, sir.

You know him better than
any of us. Use your instincts.

Keep him on an even keel.

Yes, sir, but I really don't
think there'll be any problem.

Well, if this task
force falls apart...

so will our relationships with
every superpower that has the bomb.

It might be the beginning of something
we might not be able to control.

Yes, sir.

- How are you, Mrs. King?
- Just fine, thank you, Mr. Chang.

Hey, Chang, you,
uh, forgot these.

I don't believe those are mine.

Oh, really?

Well, then I guess the bug
that was inside isn't yours either.

I'll just have to keep an eye
on it till someone claims it.

- How considerate of you.
- Yeah.

Our friend Chang still has
his little bug collection, I see.

He's got more bugs than
the Mormons had locusts.

- May I?
- Of course.

I have asked about this
Food for Flight organization.

I'm told it's a group of
decadent Americans...

trying to exploit the starving
victims of American imperialism.

- Check.
- That's funny.

Washington tells me they're a
dedicated group of Americans...

trying to feed and care
for the starving victims...

of Soviet political agitation.

- Sure makes you wonder, doesn't it?
- Hmm.


- Trouble?
- Ah, just past history.

It's a job that's
gotta be done, hmm?

- Listen...
- Hmm?

Billy's worried
about me, isn't he?

- No.
- Come on.

- Oh, no.
- He wants you to keep an eye on me...

make sure I don't
destroy détente.

- Oh, come on. Don't be silly.
- Huh?

That's okay. I'm
glad you're here.

Friendly face
makes a difference.

Oh, thank you very much.

Billy, here's the material on
Food for Flight. It doesn't look like...


Wrap me up in barbwire
Show me your love


Slip your arms around me
Like a heavy metal glove

- Heh, Billy, what are you talking about?
- I don't know.

I know I'm a little older.

- I understand that tastes change.
- Heh.

But this... Randall
Skylar's latest album.

The man who's
behind Food for Flight.

Oh, right. "Barbwire Love."

Yeah. Single sold
13 million copies.

The album is double-platinum.
It's gonna go triple.

People pay money for this?

Lots of it. Skylar has
already made $10 million...

and he has donated a dollar for
every album sold to Food for Flight.

So this thing is legit?

Well, on paper, it looks
like one of the most

effective relief
organizations around. Here.

Skylar is the face for the group. But
there's a woman named Pam Jentry.

She's the brains behind
the administration and PR.

She's put together
a team of assistants.

They're mostly veterans
from other aid efforts.

Nobody is making a
lot of money on this.

And a matter of fact, uh, most
of the workers are volunteers.

All in all, it's
pretty impressive.

- And big.
- Hmm.

It's like looking for a needle in a
haystack with one arm tied behind you.

Why don't they let us do our
job without tiptoeing around?

We'd probably get to
the bottom of this thing.

Melrose here.

Yes, sir.

We have the agents in place, sir,
and we're doing everything accor...

I see.

Yes, sir, I understand.
That does complicate things.

Yes, sir.

I will.

Well, thank you, sir.

That was the president.

He just put a lot more
powder in our powder keg.

Get Lee and Amanda.

All right. Let's go, then.

We seem to be leaving
somebody behind.


- Yes?
- What's going on here?

She's going to stay here
to file a report to Moscow.

- Excuse me.
- And where is she going?

She'll stay also to
complete some paperwork.

- You don't trust me.
- No, I don't.

But it is not a unique distrust.

- I suspect all of you.
- Excuse me.

I have an idea. Why
don't I stay here...

and then three of us can
stay and three of us can go?

Then there'll be a balance.

- It's a good idea.
- Yeah.

Bourgeois decadence.

- Capitalist excess.
- And good old American rock 'n' roll.

The guy behind Food for
Flight is Randall Skylar...

one of the legends
in American music.

And this is what you get
when you become a legend.

- "Barbed Wire Love."
- Yeah, that was his double-platinum.

- You've heard this stuff?
- He appeared in Moscow once.

I read a newspaper
report on the performance.

- Disgusting.
- It sold 10 million copies.

Ask around. You know, you may
find a bootlegged version in Moscow.

- Heh.
- Hmm.

Hey, guys.

How you doing?

Hey. You're Randall Skylar.
- That's me.

- Oh, far out, man. All right.
- You're the international press dudes?

Yeah, right. I'm, uh Lee Stimpson.
This is Isaac Peller and Bob Wang.

- Far out.
- Far out.

You dudes been to
the warehouse yet?

- The warehouse. Of course, yes.
- Pretty hip, huh?

That's 15 million in food
and medical supplies...

on their way to the hungry.

Wow, that sure is something.
Listen, Randall, could you tell me...

how you first got
involved with this airlift?

Oh, man. I mean,
look around you.

The world, it's the pits.

- Oh, yeah.
- We gotta do something.

Chi Chi?

Uh, no, I don't think so.
We're on a working visit, heh.

We would like to know
how your organization works.

Yeah. Well, like, it's simple.

I put together 27
rock 'n' rollers...

and we put on a concert that
raises more money in one weekend...

then Band Aid, Live Aid,
and Farm Aid combined.

And then we, uh, you
know, feed the world.

And how do you plan to
transport all these supplies?

- Dig it, man. We got the U.S.
Air Force. LEE & CHANG: Oh.

Five of those awesome
troop-transport planes.

I mean, I am putting
together a takeoff gig.

This show will
knock your teeth out.



Don't you guys read
the papers you write for?

I've been front-page
news for a week.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Uh, could you give
us a rundown on the destinations?

- Everywhere, man. Asia, Africa, Mideast.
- Pakistan?

- They got starving people?
- Sure.

We got food.

Listen, guys, to tell you the
truth, that's not my department.

You see, I'm the flash. I put on
the show to raise the money...

to buy the food, and then I feel
good. I got people to do all the work.

Yeah. Well, then you're telling
us that, uh, you don't really know...

- where the food is going?
- Oh, man. It's hungry people.

What else do I need to know?
- Heh.

Pam. Come here.

I've been looking for you.
We've got the first lady.

Oh, you are down two
feet. We got Rosalyn?

Close. LEE: Ahem.

Whatever. Oh, Pam,
these guys are press.

Press, Pam Jentry. PAM: Hello.

- How do you do?
- How are you?

Without this cookie,
I don't think I'd have

a chance of pulling
off this extravaganza.

If I don't get back to the warehouse,
you probably won't. Excuse me, gentlemen.

- Nice meeting you.
- Okay. Hang loose.

Hey, guys, I'll get you
some press kits, okay?

I got a lounge singer from Encino to
put them together for me. Heh-heh.

- Very bizarre.
- Far out. Ha, ha.


Is this guy a joke or what?

Look, it's obvious
Food for Flight is legit.

It's the perfect cover
for smuggling detonators.

We have a problem.

I am listening, Miss Jentry.

Hi. Mr. Melrose wanted me to
let you know a couple of things.

It seems that the Indian government
found out about the detonator.

They think that that gives
them justifiable reason...

to build up their
nuclear arsenal.

If they do, that could start an
arms race throughout the continent.

That's the spark that
could set the tinderbox off.

Well, let's just hope Food for Flight
pays some big dividends, huh? Fast.

Now, look, that's another
thing about Food for Flight.

It seems that it's one of
Washington's favorite charities...

and so there are a lot of
senators' wives involved.

Mr. Melrose wants you to make sure you've
got something before you make a move.

Not only do we have the Russians
and the Chinese to worry about...

- now we've got Capitol Hill.
- Heh.

What else did he tell you?

Well, he said, good
luck. You're gonna need it.

Heh, thanks.

All right. Keep in
touch with him, will you?


You really amaze me, Rajmand. I've
been working with the press for six months.

Those clowns aren't reporters.

It must be that international team
of agents we got that report on.

- Damn. How did they find us so fast?
- We must move now, alone.

No. We just lost one
detonator by moving too fast.

We're waiting for the
airlift and the sendoff.

That is two days away.

I'll work on moving it up, and you work
on slowing down our reporters, okay?

I will take care of it.

Thank you.

This decadent musician
is a waste of time.


Skylar's operation is dirty
somehow. It's a good lead.

Bikinis, "Barbed Wire Love," and
Chi Chi do not qualify as a lead.

Precisely. Just what are
you concealing from us, huh?

I'm not concealing a damn thing.
You two know as much as I do.

Now, look...

Food for Flight is getting ready to
send 50 tons of food around the world.

Those nine detonators could get lost in
any one of those shipments very easily.

- Pure conjecture.
- No, an educated guess.

Then we must move.
Cordon off their warehouse.

Interrogate their personnel.
Bend those people.

- Make them talk.
- Just slow down, will you?

We're not even sure that those
detonators are anywhere near the place.

I'm not gonna risk scaring those people
off by sending the Marines charging in.

So, what do you suggest?
More discussions?

More strategy sessions?

Our best bet is to focus on that warehouse,
set up surveillance teams, and wait.

I'm telling you right now, Stetson,
we should go in there and...

Look, why don't you just
shut up and eat your taco, huh?

Look out!

Crazy woman! WOMAN: Hey,
watch out what you're doing!

Hey, what's going on, man?

- That was not an accident, Stetson.
- Oh, brilliant deduction, Sherlock.

We're getting too close, and
someone can't stand the heat.

Which is nothing. This
is unacceptable. Nadine.

This poorly played game
of Mouse and Cat is over.

I'm contacting the general-secretary to
recommend I come back to Moscow...

or take unilateral action.

You do that, and you're
gonna have to go over me.

- It will not be easy or pleasant.
- You're supposed to stop World War III...

and you're letting your egos get
in the way. Get back to business.

Excuse me.

Thank you for your words of wisdom.
- You're very welcome.

I agree with Mrs. King.

She is absolutely right.

- You're an agent?
- I am Colonel Jin Sung.

Attaché to the premier,
and Chang's superior.

But I am no agent.

From your words, I must assume
you are Mr. Stetson's superior?

Oh, no. I'm no agent.
I'm civilian auxiliary.


Ours is a joint effort,
but it lacks direction.

This is your country. We
will trust your instincts.


All right, then. I suggest
we get inside that operation...

and find out who's
pulling the strings.

- Impossible. They know us.
- They don't know me.

They know all of you, and they might notice
Jin or Nadine, but they don't know me.

It's a charity thing. There'll be a lot of
people there. There's hardly any danger.

And I fit right in to any kind of a
charity event. I've done so many of them.

I'm the one for the job.

Change the schedule? Heh.
We're leaving in two days.

But why wait?
Everything's ready.

Oh, Pam, we got a monster
PR package in place:

radio, TV, the press, MTV. You
change the departure schedule now...

and the whole thing unravels.

There's a weather front blowing in
that could ground the planes for weeks.

Do you wanna feed
people, or you just want PR?


Okay, so I like show,
huh? I'm human.


We'll keep a wet finger in the
air, huh? We'll see what happens.

- While thousands die, huh?
- Pamela, baby.

Hunger's been
happening for centuries.

I mean, what difference is a
couple more days gonna make?

- Maybe the cover of Rolling Stone, huh?
- Maybe.

If it helps our cause.
What's the matter with that?


We're gonna wait. Okay?

End of discussion.

We're rolling tomorrow
morning at 8:30, sharp.

So let's load as many
trucks as we can tonight.

Then bring in a crew at 4:30
tomorrow morning to finish, okay?

And keep this quiet.

Skylar's still insisting on tons of press,
and they're just gonna muck things up.

They're gonna load as many
trucks as they can tonight.

Then they're gonna have a new
crew come in at 4:30, finish up.

- They're gonna leave at 8:30, sharp.
- Why the sudden change?

I don't know, but Skylar didn't seem
very happy, and Pam was awful nervous.

We should be nervous.

Once they get out of your airspace,
there's very little we can do about it.

All right, then, we're going in.

Now, the detonators give
off a trace of radioactivity.

We've got a lot
of ground to cover.

So the detonators are in
the trucks or the warehouse.

These Geiger counters
will let us know.

- Any questions?
- No.

Okay, come on.

- Did you find anything in the trucks?
- Zip. Let's hope we're luckier in here.

Keep an eye open.

There's nothing here.

XL-87 plastique,
standard KGB issue...

with a timer set for 8
a.m. tomorrow morning.

Now, I want an
explanation, Petrovich, now.

Mr. Stetson, our governments have
different priorities, different needs.

There is only one priority here,
and that is those detonators.

- Now, what were you up to?
- I sent photos of Pam Jentry to the KGB.

They identified her
as an arms dealer...

who has been operating in the
Mideast for years, especially Afghanistan.

She disappeared two years ago.

The same time those
detonators were stolen.

Not a coincidence, I assure you.

Miss Jentry is a much
sought-after enemy of the state.

Yeah, well, right now, she's a
much sought-after enemy of the world.

Are you sure she'll
still use the caravan?

She has to.

Those detonators are too visible,
too delicate, to ship any other way.

We didn't find them in the warehouse.
They've got to be someplace else.

And we've got three hours to
find her before that caravan rolls.

- Is that the last detonator?
- All nine are on the truck.

- You're sure they're secure?
- Double-cushioned and airtight.


This seal's for that door.

Heh. Excellent work. As
good as the real custom seals.

That's what I'm paid for. I'll be in the
truck at 8:15. The caravan leaves at 8:30.

- I'll be waiting.
- The car?

- It is already in position.
- Great.

Tomorrow at this time, your
country's gonna have its killing teeth.

And you will be
a very rich lady.

Peace on earth.

Candy, stop with the hair
spray. It makes my teeth itch.

- Skylar.
- Later, dude.

Hey, it's my press buddy, man.

How you doing? You're missing
the most important gig of my life.

Today, the Food for Flight
caravan takes off at 8:30.

- It is gonna blow your mind.
- I'm hip. Where is Pam Jentry?

Please, please. Miss Machiavelli?
Ah, she's flown the coop.

- Where did she go?
- Crazy. I mean, like totally bizarre.

She pushes the departure
date up to this morning...

after I told her, like,
absolutely no way.

Then she conveniently forgets to
clue me to the change. It was very weird.

The woman is on some
heavy-duty power trip.

- What can I tell you?
- Everything that you know about her.


Candy, in the car.

- What's happening, man?
- Pam Jentry is using Food for Flight...

to smuggle nuclear
detonators out of the country.

Far out. LEE: Heh.

Now, that's a power trip.

All right, you guys straight now?
- All set?

Eight-five, right? - Yep.

Oh, boy. Hey, Frank. MAN 4: Yo.

Hey! Hey! Hey, Randall!


And welcome to the
most important event...

since the invention
of the electric guitar.

Today, Food for Flight takes off
on its biggest and best blowout ever.

Sending food,
medical supplies...

and tons of love to our brothers
and sisters around the world.

No, no.

Don't applaud me. I am just
a conduit for your energy...

your love, your vibes. Go
on, give yourselves a hand.

Put your hands together...

and know that Randall Skylar
loves each and every one of you.

No, Skylar doesn't know
anything about it. I'm sure of it.

Pam Jentry is the
one we've gotta find.

We'll issue a Delta Red alert and
blanket the entire L.A. metro grid.

What are the chances of
shutting down the airlift?

That would take a
call to the White House.

We've got to have something
concrete before I can go to him.

We are running out of time.
That caravan leaves in 15 minutes.

Find those detonators, and I'll shut
down everything west of the Mississippi.

Give me something to work with.

- In other words, we're on our own.
- As we have been this entire mission.

The last time you did that,
you almost caught a bullet, pal.

Where's Chang?

He and Colonel Sung went
to the airport with the reporters.

Well, at least that's
one end that's secure.

So, what do you suggest we do,
since your agency is so reluctant to act?

Everybody's doing
the best they can.

This caravan's gonna move out any
minute. I suggest we stick to business.

She's right. Jentry's gotta make her
move somewhere along the caravan route.

- There's too much security at the airport.
- Hopefully.

We've got Chang there, don't
we? You just get in your car.

You cover the head of the
caravan. I'll cover the tail.

And keep your radio
wide open, okay?

Amanda, you and Nadine stay
here until the last volunteer's gone...

- just in case Jentry shows up.
- Right. Nadine...

- Yeah, yeah. Come on. Go, go.
- Yes.

If we could've done this when we
planned, we'd have thousands here.

But, anyway, this is it, folks.

The pot of gold at
the end of the rainbow.

Hands across the water.
Hearts reaching out to hearts.

Your dedication, endless work...

and boundless
energy got us here.

Bless you.

Gentlemen, start your engines!

We did it! We did it!

It's you. I mean it.
All of you. I thank you.

All right! Wagons, ho!

- Yes?
- Petrovich.

- See anything up ahead? Over.
- Nothing yet. Over.

- All right, just keep me posted. Over.
- Yes, yes, da. Over.

I'm back here at a
stop sign with one truck.

- Everything okay up ahead? Over.
- Yes, 52 is coming around right now.

I don't think Pam's
gonna show up here.

No English, no Russian.
Okay, let's go to the airport.

They, you know...

Yeah, the airport.

Petrovich, I'm parked
near the airport.

Chang and Jin are making
a final check on the trucks.

- Where are you?
- Covering Skylar.

The trucks are here. We
couldn't have missed them.

We got Pam Jentry. They
switched trucks somehow.

Tell him they are
on truck number 52.

- Nadine says they're on truck number 52.
- So she speaks English?

She obviously
does speak English.

I'll meet you at the truck.

I'm on my way.

To you.

- Long life.
- Good health.

Well, this has been a
most interesting experience.

Yes. We should not repeat it.

Because we may have
to work together again.


Would you stop it for a while?

- What?
- Nothing.

- No, really, what?
- Nothing.


- You've got a cute nose.
- What? Ha, ha!