Scarecrow and Mrs. King (1983–1987): Season 2, Episode 12 - Ship of Spies - full transcript

An interrupted message to Lee drags him and Amanda onto a honeymoon cruise.

WOMAN: That's a
good idea. I love that.

- Good evening. WOMAN: Hi.

Yeah. That'd be fine.


MAN: Repeat. Blue
Dolphin to Scarecrow.

Blue Dolphin to Scarecrow.

Code five. Blue Dolphin calling.

Sierra, two, four, Charlie.

Sierra, two, four, Charlie.

Let's go, Orlando.
Someone's waiting to see you.


Billy, I'm telling you,
Orlando was onto something...

or he wouldn't have
sent this message.

"Ship of lies. Two-four-C"?
That mean something to you?

Yeah. He was cut off before
he could complete the message.

Or he just passed out.

Okay, okay. So the guy likes to
drink and maybe he's a womanizer.

And while they're cutting back in
staff, our caseload has almost doubled.

Now, how do I
justify sending you...

to find somebody who
isn't with the agency?

Billy, Orlando is our best
information broker in the Caribbean.

Oh. That includes the
information on the Bahamas?

And how about that great big scoop
of his on the Dominican Republic?

What about Grenada?

Orlando doesn't always bat a thousand,
but this time he said he had something.

Now, look, he's my informant and
it is my responsibility to find out...

why he hasn't shown up
like he was supposed to.

And it's my responsibility
to run this agency.

And I'm telling you, I
do not have the time...

the money or the
personnel to spare you.

Billy, this goes
deeper than job.

We're talking about a man
who saved my life once.

I owe him.

Now, you give
me a few days off...

I will go down there on my
own time and check it out.

You feel that strongly about it?

I swear to you, just as I am standing here,
he has something. I can just taste it.

All right. Check out that ship he was
on and see if you can book passage.

Already done.

- Then what are you waiting
for? LEE: I have a problem.

The next ship is a
honeymoon cruise...

and, uh, I'm gonna
need a partner.

DOTTY: Amanda.
- Yes, Mother?

Would you believe it? They have
raised the price on Cracklin' Critters.

- Ooh.
- All right. What about this one?

See? This one doesn't
even have a price.

I mean, it makes me so mad.

Now that they've got new cash
registers that do the reading...

they do not put the price
on the individual box.

I mean, I really don't like that. I
am going to write a letter. Yes.

- Mm-hm.
- Mom! Mom! Mom, guess what.

If I buy six packages of
these Chewy Chippers...

I get free football cards.

And you will have false
teeth by the time you are 15.

- Told you, bozo.
- Philip, do not call your brother bozo.

Now, you put all this junk
right back where you got it.

- I am, uh, gonna go to the
meat counter. AMANDA: Right.

- Meet you at produce.
AMANDA: See you.

Fellas, do not run
in the grocery store.

- Hi.
- Ah! Oh!

- I know. You don't like it when I do that.
- It's weird.

This is urgent. What are your
plans in the next few days?

- This weekend?
- This weekend. Maybe a little longer.

- I have shopping to do.
LEE: You can do that any time.

No, we can't, because
Mother needs to get a new coat.

There's a sale. We
have to buy a coat.

LEE: Right.
- Mm-hm.

And my friend Kitty Hokem from
college... Haven't seen her in 10 years.

She's gonna be in
town. We'll have lunch.

LEE: Ten years?
- Yeah, yeah.

Ten years. But we
write every Christmas.

She's gonna bring pictures
of her little girl this time.

Mm. Wouldn't wanna miss that. A
cruise ship isn't in the same league.

- Cruise ship?
- Yeah.

- She's gonna be here a couple of weeks.
- Luxury liner.

I need somebody as cover
on a trip to the Caribbean.

You know, she actually said next weekend
would be better for her than this weekend.

Calypso bands.
Warm, tropical breezes.

Phew. Heh.


do you really need me?

- I need you.
- Well, then that's it, I'm there.

- You'll do it?
- Yes, I...

Well, if I can say I'm
going on business for IFF.

- It is.
- It is? Good. No problem.

- Great.
- Yeah.

- Pack your bags. We leave in the morning.
- Right.


- Oh.
- Yeah.

Oh, here, I almost forgot.

- That looks like an engagement ring.
- It is an engagement ring.

There. Come.

See, my informant, Orlando Gravas,
was on this ship when he disappeared.

- That's why you're here. My cover.
- Right.

We have to be engaged
because this is kind of a...

Well, it's a special cruise.

What kind of a special cruise?

Uh, it's a wedding cruise.

- Oh.
- Nothing but engaged couples.

Oh, well, sure.

In two days we dock at San
Angelo in the Caribbean...

and we all get married.

- That's asking too much. No, I can't.
- Whoa! Amanda.

Now, now, now, is that any way to
start off 50 years of togetherness, huh?

Miles, you're such a busybody.

I'm just trying to shed a few words
of wisdom on the subject of marriage.

And who's better qualified
than me? I've had four of them.

Oh, he's impossible.

Miles Beckwith's the
name, plastic's the game.

And this little chinchilla is
my fiancée, Jillian Davis.

How do you do? How do
you do? Uh, Lee Stetson.

- Amanda King.
- Hello. Amanda King. I...

- Hello, chin... Jill... Jillian.
- First cruise?

- No.
- Yes.

- Miles and I met on a cruise last summer.
- How long you been engaged?

- Three months.
- Six months.


Well, officially, three months.
Uh, I asked her six months ago.

It took me a little while
to make up my mind.

You really gave a catch like
him a chance to throw the hook?

Well, he was
pretty firmly hooked.


- Let's board, shall we?
- Yes, let's do that.


Hey, idiot! Watch
what you're doing.


WOMAN: Bye. Take care.

Okay. We're on B
deck. Which way is that?

MILES: Oh, say,
there you are again.

We're on the way to sign
up for second sitting at dinner.

Why don't we include
you at our table, huh?

Uh, well, we were planning to...

Come on. Part of the
fun of these cruises is

getting to know your
traveling companions.

Well, that's very kind of
you, Miss Davis, but I think...

Oh. Miles and Jillian.

And you'll have plenty
of time to be alone later.

You have to be careful, or
you end up eating every meal...

with people who
even bore themselves.

- Excuse me. Excuse me.
- Pardon me.

- It's quite all right.
- See what I mean?

Okay. Second sitting is
at 8. We'll see you then.

- Bye.
- Yeah.

- I can hardly wait.
- Oh, what have you gotten me into?



Compliments of the captain.

Oh, well, uh, we'd like
to thank you very much.

I am Emiliano,
your cabin steward.

If there's anything I can do to
make your voyage more pleasant...

please let me know.

Uh, thank you, Emiliano.
Thank you very much.

- Uh, Amanda.
- Yeah?

Well, I know what
you're thinking, but...

Voilà, adjoining rooms.


- That's not what you're thinking?
- No, it isn't. It really isn't.

What I was thinking is
you've had plenty of time...

to tell me all the details
about our assignment.

You could've told me in the supermarket,
in the car on the way to the airport.

You could've even
told me in the plane.

Maybe I should
have said something.

Maybe you should
have said something?

On a need-to-know basis, I think
this time I had a need to know.

Okay, okay. I apologize.

Why didn't you just tell me?

Because I didn't think
you'd agree to come along.

Well, why not?

Because I know how strongly
you feel about marriage.

Look, Amanda, I have two whole
days to wrap up this investigation.

We won't even get as far
as the ceremony, believe me.

- Wait a minute.
- What?

- What if we do?
- We won't.

What if we did? What if we had
to go through with it, get married...

so we wouldn't blow our cover?

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

Yeah. Uh, look, I've got work
to do and, uh, I've gotta go.

Yeah. Where? Huh?

- Um...
- Hmm?

All right. They decoded
Orlando's message as "two-four-C."

Maybe it's supposed
to mean 24-C.

So I'm gonna go check
Cabin 24-C. Okay?


- Yeah.
- Check.





MAN: Telegram for Mr. Stetson.

Hello. I'm sorry.
He's, uh, indisposed.

I'm Mr. Rackam,
your cruise director.

I'm in charge of all... Well, most
of your recreational activities.

Oh, thank you. Goodbye.

LEE: What are you doing here?

You got this telegram. I
thought it might be important.


- What is it?
- Well, it seems...

one of our new recruits
in Cryptography blew it.

Orlando's message
wasn't "ship of lies."

What was it?

"Ship of spies."


JILLIAN: We missed
you at dinner last night.


Actually, we missed, uh,
everyone at dinner last night.

Well, I told you everyone liked
to unpack the first night out.

Well, I don't think, uh, everyone
was unpacking last night. Right, Lee?

Huh? Oh, yeah, right. Ha, ha.



Arturo Rodriguez.

Carmen Valdez.

- Uh, Lee Stetson.
- Amanda King.

Uh, where are you two from?

- Mexico.
- Mexico City.

You two, uh, known
each other long?

Oh, no, no, no. We just
met. Uh, only one week away.

Uh, we, how you say,
uh, fell in love at first eyes.


- Heh.
- Oh, ha, ha. Yeah.

Hmm. What about you two?

Why don't you fill us
in on your background.

Yeah, well, we haven't really told
each other much about our pasts.

We prefer really an element of,
uh, mystery in our relationship.

That's so romantic.

Ha, ha. Yeah.

Good morning. I hope
everybody is enjoying their brunch.

It couldn't be better, really.

I had a friend that took this cruise.
He said the brunches were the best.

RACKAM: Oh, yes?

What was his name?
Perhaps I'll remember him.

Uh, Orlando. Orlando
Gravas. Does that ring a bell?

Uh, no, I'm afraid
it doesn't, sir.

He was probably the
quiet type, kept to himself.

No, as a matter of fact, he
was known as quite a carouser.

Well, if you ladies are
finished with the brunch...

I'd like to take you on a
tour of the ship's bridal shop.


- Amanda.
- Ladies.

AMANDA: Thank you.

Don't worry, gentlemen. I'll
return them to you in a little while.

Artie, when did you pop the
big question? Come on, tell us.

Uh, excuse me, please.

What...? I didn't mean to...

Strange fella, huh?

Uh, yeah. Yeah, he is.

In here.

- I thought you were in the bridal shop.
- I was. But everything was overpriced.

And then I thought that
C might mean casino.

And there would be a lot
of number 24s in the casino.

Mm-hm. I know. I checked it out.

- That's my job, remember?
- Yeah.

- Your job...
- Is to help you.

Lee, we're not the only people
on this ship who aren't on the level.

Did you notice how nervous
Arturo was at brunch?

He's getting married tomorrow.

- No, it wasn't that kind of nervous.
- Come on.

It was the kind of nervous you
are when you're hiding something.

- Everybody's hiding something.
- No, there was more to it than that.

Did you notice how Carmen
kept passing him things...

before he even asked for them?

She put the cream in his coffee
and she passed him the sugar.

Like they've been
together for a long time.

You don't buy them only
knowing each other for a week.

No. I think they've been
married for a lot of years.

- That's pretty good, Amanda.
- Well, I...

Any other candidates
for "I've Got a Secret"?

- Mm. Miles and Jillian aren't in love.
- Oh, our resident expert.

No, I may not be an expert,
but I know what I saw.

She paid more attention
to you than she did to him.

Besides, they were sitting
at opposite ends of the table.

And they just don't look like an
engaged couple about to be married.

- Yeah, you may have a point.
- Are you gonna investigate them?

I think I'll concentrate on our friendly
cruise director for the time being.

- Mr. Rackam?
- Mm.

He can't remember Orlando.

Yet every crew member that
I questioned can't forget him.

They described
him as a hellraiser.

Well, why would
Mr. Rackam not tell the truth?

I don't know.

But I plan on finding out.

Did our cargo get
loaded all right?

None of the crew
suspect anything.

- Our transfer point still San Angelo?
- Yeah.

- Then it'll be safe until we get there.
- Good.

We've got a couple of
nosy passengers onboard.

This Stetson guy and his girl,
they're asking a lot of questions.

- He the one that got the telegram?
- Mm-hm.

When I steamed it open, you
couldn't make heads or tails of it.

- You think it was in code?
- You can bet on it.

They may be the ones
Orlando was trying to contact.

We're getting paid a lot of money, Gretz.
I'd hate for them to mess it up for us.

And if they're not the happy
couple they seem to be?

We may have to
arrange an accident.

- We'll have to keep our eyes on them.
- I've got something better.

We'll keep our ears on them.


It's gonna be a long game.

Lee, maybe Orlando's clue was
trying to tell us what was hidden...

and not where it was hidden.

- You mean like 24 crates?
- Yeah.

Twenty-four cables.

- Twenty-four cannons.
- Long list, isn't it?

- Yeah. It seems infinite.
- Yeah.

No, I don't think Orlando
would be that vague...

unless he was in bad trouble.

I just wish the hell I
knew what he did mean.

Was he a good friend?

Mm, he was one of the best.
He saved my life once in Haiti.

Port-au-Prince. Yeah.

Oh, no. Look who's coming.

MILES: Oh, there's
my two lovebirds.

How about a little smooch
for the folks back home?

- Uh...
- Oh, uh...

Oh, come on. Animate it up a little bit.
You only get engaged once. Come on.

- Well, how about a hug instead, huh?
- Yeah.

You got a real Mr. Warmth, Amanda.
Make sure he doesn't get overheated.

Oh, he's just a little shy.

- Shy?
- Smile.

MILES: Oh, that's a good one.
- Thank you.

I'm gonna these
developed in the store.

- I'll see that you get a copy. Good?
- Good.

- Okay.
- Thank, Miles. Thanks a lot.

Oh, by the way, Jillian's
down in the card room.

- You two up for some pinochle?
- Yeah. Maybe later, huh?

- Okay. See you.
- Thank you.

- Jerk.
- He's just trying to be nice.

Looks like someone can't read.

It's my secret burglar
alarm. The old match trick.


Stay here.

Find what you're looking for?



All right. Amanda.

Come on.

I think this guy needs
a glass of water.


Come on. Unh.


All right.

Now, let's start from
the top, shall we?

What were you looking for?

You're not really planning
on using that, are you?

Gunshots would attract a great
deal of attention on a ship like this.

I don't have to shoot
you to get what I want.

This will leave enough
bruises to persuade you to talk.

I suggest you don't.

- May I?
- Carefully.

I'm Emiliano Gomez, of the
Puerto Faro security police.

We suspect one of our operatives may
have been killed on a previous voyage.

Puerto Faro?

His name wouldn't be
Orlando Gravas, would it?

How do you know him?

I'm sorry, my friend, but it
seems we're on the same side.

He was an informant of mine
and also a very good friend.

Any idea what he
might have been onto?

Our government is in a
very weak position right now.

We believe billions of dollars
are being smuggled in...

to fund a violent revolution.

You think the money's being
smuggled in on this ship?

That is what Orlando
was trying to find out.

Now, wait a minute. This ship
does not dock at Puerto Faro.

We think the money was somehow
being funneled through San Angelo.

Isn't that the island we're
supposed to be married on?

Yeah. It's a good idea, though.

The crew, the passengers, they'll be
preoccupied with the wedding ceremonies.

You could unload anything
without drawing suspicion.

Orlando must have been
very close to breaking this...

or he would not
have been discovered.

Think there's any chance
he might still be alive?

One always has hope.

I only know he has never
missed our contact man before...

and he was very serious
about this mission.

Orlando was a wild
and undisciplined man...

but he loved our country.

Then it's up to us to find out...

where this insurrectionist
money is being hidden...

and who's behind it.


The music is really nice.

I've never been to a
captain's ball before.

Well, uh, I'm going to
have to enjoy it a little later.

I have that meeting with
Emiliano down in the cargo hold.

Must be some sort of locker
or storage bin numbered 24-C.

So why don't you just mingle?

- Ooh.
- What?

You know I really
hate to mingle.

Would it be all right if I
take a walk around the deck?

Uh, I'd like it better if you stayed
here and finished your drink.

That way I know you're
not in any trouble, hmm?

Well, how can I get in any
trouble walking around the deck?

If anyone can manage
it, you can. Ha, ha.

- Heh. Right.
- See you later.


Be careful.

I was right.

They are agents.

Then we have no choice. Either we get rid
of them or eventually they'll be onto us.

I know that, Gretz.

But we've gotta
be smart about this.

We don't wanna draw any
unnecessary attention to ourselves.

No way we can knock three off
and make it look like an accident.

No. Not at once.

But if we divide and conquer...

Okay by me.

Heads we start with the
men. Tails, the woman.

- Amanda.
- Hmm? Oh.

Where's Lee?

Oh, uh, he spilled something on
his jacket, so he had to go change.

Oh, that's too bad. Golly.

Listen, shame to let all that music go
to waste. You wanna go and dance?

Oh, thank you very much...

but I think I'd really just like to sit
here and relax and enjoy my drink.

Okay. Well, suit yourself.

Um, it's gonna be fun at
the boat drills tomorrow.

- The lifeboat drills, huh?
- Oh, yeah.

- Lifeboat drill?
- Oh, you don't know about that?

Nothing to worry about.
It's standard procedure.

We have adjoining seats. We're
in Boat D, seats 19 through 22.

Oh, good. Nineteen through 22-D.

Nineteen through 22-D.

Excuse me, please.

I think I'd better go
help Lee with his jacket.

Nothing, damn it.



Whoa! Oh! Oh!


Whoa! Aah!

Uh, hello?



Help! Whoa!

- God. AMANDA: Help!

Help! Help!

- Hang on, Amanda.
MAN: Call the steward!

- Emiliano, hold on to me.
WOMAN: What's happening?

LEE: Here. Come on. Unh.


LEE: It's all right. It's
all right. It's all right.

Oh. Oh, thank you so much.

- Everything all right?
- Oh, yes.

It's all right, folks. It's
all right. Party's over.

- Thank you. It's okay.
- It's just aerobics. Ha, ha.

LEE: Here.
- Thank you so much.

MAN: Are you sure everything is all right?
- Thank you. Thank you.


WOMAN: It's amazing.
MAN: That's exciting.

- Are you all right?
- Yes, I'll be just fine.

- Are you sure?
- Yes, I'm positive.

Now, would you please tell us
why you were up on that boom?

Well, I was sitting in the bar just, you
know, relaxing and enjoying my drink...

- Amanda, please, just about
the boom. AMANDA: Right. Okay.

I thought Lifeboat C. Seat 24.

There was no easy way
to get up to that boat...

so I didn't look over the
edge, I just climbed up the rail...

and I grabbed hold with
one hand and the other...

and then all of a
sudden I just swung out.

And you were lucky you
weren't killed. You know that?

Unless they're onto us
and it wasn't an accident.

In that case, we can't afford
to take any more chances.

We've gotta get
Amanda off this ship.

Um, excuse me but, Lee, if I
leave won't that blow your cover?

It may have already been blown. It's
too dangerous to have you onboard.

But Emiliano said that the funds were
being funneled through San Angelo.

And if that's true, I don't think
I'd be much safer there alone.

She is right, you know.

- Mm. AMANDA: Except
if I stay here with you...

does that mean that when we get
to San Angelo in the morning, we...?

We'll have to get married.

You may now kiss the bride.

WOMAN: Congratulations.


- Congratulations.
BRIDE: Thank you.

- Let's go.
- I can't.

- Why?
- You're on my dress.



Lee Stetsman, do you take this
woman to be your lawful-wedded wife...

to love and to honor, in
sickness and in health...

for richer, for poorer,
till death do you part?

I do.

Amanda King, do you take this man
to be your lawful-wedded husband...

in sickness and in health,
for richer, for poorer...

till death do you part?

I do.

You may put the ring on
her finger and repeat after me.


With this ring, I thee wed.


With this ring, I thee wed.

I now pronounce
you man and wife.

You may now kiss the bride.


CROWD: Congratulations.


WOMAN: Congratulations.
- Thank you. Ahem.

Here, uh...

- Oh.
- Yes.

- It's fake.
- Yeah, well...

Too bad they're not real.
Heh. It would have been nicer.

Yeah, well, at least your, uh,
18-karat wedding ring is real, huh?




Lee, I think it
means 24-karat gold.

No, no, no. Twenty-four-karat
is spelled with a K, Amanda.

No, no. It can be spelled
with a C or with a K.

Jamie had it on a spelling bee. It
didn't look right to me, so I looked it up.

Karats with a K is for gold and
carats with a C, it's for other gems.

Maybe Orlando didn't
know the difference either.

And instead of paper money, Puerto Faro
revolutionaries are being funded with gold.

- Right.
- You might have something here.

Ah, wait. Hold it,
there's a problem there.

We're talking about
millions of dollars’ worth

of gold that weighed
thousands of pounds.

It'd be hard to smuggle
aboard in your carry-on luggage.

- Maybe Emiliano has some ideas.
- Yeah.


Very nice ceremony.




- Darling. Mm-hm.
- Ah, thank you.

- Lee.
- What?


Come on, you yo-yos. You're
only halfway done. Let's go.

They're unloading pipes
from the engine room.

Why would they be
unloading anything here?

I don't know. Unless maybe those
pipes aren't what they seem to be.

- Tell Emiliano meet me in the engine room.
- Right.

I think we have a
little prospecting to do.


Come on, guys. Let's go.

All right, take five.

You, stay with the load.





EMILIANO: Come in.

Hello, Miss King.

Looking for your friend?

Come in.

This is getting to
be quite a party.

Amanda, run!


- Oh!
- Jillian, I'm sorry.

Help me. Mr. Rackam is right
behind me and he's got a gun.

JILLIAN: Don't worry.

Don't move, Amanda, if
you know what's good for you.


MILES: That's nice
work, Mr. Stetson.

Too bad it's all for nothing.


LEE: Amanda.

Oh, we have an even bigger
surprise for you, Mr. Stetson.

Your friend Orlando. He's
alive but not quite well.

I'm afraid Gretz got carried
away when we questioned him.

I don't have to remind you that there's
no sense in making things difficult...

- for yourselves.
- You all right?

Sorry, my friend. It is my
fault you are involved in this.

Don't worry about it. These guys
aren't getting away with anything.

Miles, it's not gonna work.
There's too many people onto you.

I don't think so. Or this island would
be swarming with agents by now.

No, we'll do just fine.

Tie him up.

You made contact
with the buyers yet?

Yeah. They'll have the boat at,
uh, Playa Key Beach in an hour.

We get paid when
the gold is onboard.

Well, let's get going because I
don't wanna keep my friends waiting.

RACKAM: Nice day for a flight.

Ready, Gretz?

Goodbye, Mr. Stetson.


- Do you see them?
- No.

They've got 15
minutes still, though.

Let's get ready.

All right. Out of
there. Let's go.

You're gonna help us unload.

In the back.

In the back.

- Oh, good. Good, good.
- Keep your hands up there, will you?

- There.
- Oh, great.



Oh, no! No!

AMANDA: Oh, Lee, look out!

Come on. Step on it.

All right. Hold on. We still might
have a chance to stop them.

Are we going a little fast?

We're going a lot fast.

- I think I burned out the brakes.
- I wish I hadn't asked.


We should pick ourselves up a nice
piece of change on this one, Jillian.

We may even retire
earlier than we expected.

- All right. Get ready to jump.
- Jump?

Yes. There's only one
way this is gonna stop.

Say when.





Hands up!


All right.

All right.

Looks like the honeymoon's over.

BILLY: Well, you two did a really fine job.
- Thank you, sir.

No money, no revolution.

And thanks to the
information Orlando gave us...

the insurgence leaders
have been rounded up.

Puerto Faro's
democracy will survive.

I'm really glad for Orlando.

Well, that about wraps that up.

there's just one thing.

What about the annulment?

Oh, that won't be necessary. The
marriage was technically invalid.

Technically invalid?

Yeah, Amanda. I put
down a false name.

- Stetsman instead of Stetson.
- An agent has to think on his feet.

Mm-hm. I also put down a phony birthdate,
birthplace, address, the whole works.


then we were
never really married.

Well, not according to
the laws of San Angelo.

LEE: Which reminds me.

Uh, could I speak to
you for a minute? Alone?

Oh. Sure. Sir.

- Ahem. Francine.
- Bye.


- Uh, Amanda.
- Yeah?

Some strange things happened
on that assignment and, uh...

Well, what I'm really trying
to say is that, uh, you know...

Well, what I'm saying is that
whatever happened was...

- It was all part of the job.
- I know. It was all part of the job.

Yeah, and we were just,
you know, playing our covers.

- I know. We were playing our covers.
- Right.

And nothing more to it.

Nothing more to it.

- So can I have my ring back?
- Let me give you your ring.