Scarborough (2019): Season 1, Episode 6 - full transcript

I want to spend the rest of my life
with you. Do you? How's your uncle?

You mean Des? Mr Ferris. I'm so
pleased to spend some time with you.

Was there something more
you wanted to say?

It's like a dream come true.
To the salon.

Who is this investor?
Tony Peroni.

MUSIC: Rotterdam
by The Beautiful South

Is it Britney?

The celebrity! What?
Is it Britney?

I don't know. Doubt it.

Well, they had her
at t'open-air theatre.

Dunno. Probably not.



Thanks, love. Smashing, that.
What do you think you're doing?

Eh? You said you were
popping out for a fag break.

You know I don't smoke.
Yeah, which is why I said,

"When did you start smoking?"
To which I didn't reply.

Yeah, so what's going on?

We get a ten-minute break
in the morning and in the afternoon,

but if you smoke, you get
several breaks throughout the day.

That's for people
who actually smoke!

Well, I'm having an ice cream
on me fag break.

You're never going to
finish that in two minutes.

Next question.

Hello. Can I have two 99s?
Yeah, love.

Anyway, we're supposed to be
boycotting Peroni's ice cream.

You might be, mate. I'm not.
Best in town, these.



Well, if you were
any sort of mate, you would.

Look, just because you had a go
on Tony Peroni's missus,

I don't see why I should have to
go without. I did not...

YOU certainly didn't. I did not have
a go on her. She had a go on me.

What do you mean, "go without"?
You can get ice cream anywhere,

it's Scarborough.
Not like these, mate.

Ooooh!

Anyway, it's not just that.

Peroni's taken over
Karen's hair salon. So?

Well, it's awkward. Mike, there is
no direct connection between me

enjoying a lemon and vanilla
maxi cone and an old lady getting a

shampoo and set. It's a little thing
called loyalty, mate.

Jack? Jess! Somebody was asking
earlier who the celebrities are.

What celebrities? It says
celebrities on the poster for

tonight. Oh, right.
So, who have we got, then?

Well, we did ask Barbara Streisand
to draw the meat raffle,

but, erm, apparently she plays
five-a-side football on a Friday

night. Do you need a celebrity for
the raffle? Why? Do you know one?

Right, you're not going to believe
this, but my sister is really good

friends with Dua Lipa.
She's in Scarborough tonight.

Julie who?
Dua Lipa.

Sounds like some character
off Star Wars.

She's a singer.
She's, like, really famous.

Jess, I've got 150,000
karaoke tracks on that laptop.

I think if... What was her name?
Dua Lipa.

I think if Dua Lipa was famous,
I just might've heard of her.

Me dad knows Peter Levy.

What did you just say?
Me dad knows Peter Levy.

What? THE Peter Levy? Yeah.
Off Look North? Yeah.

How does your dad know Peter Levy?
He's just his mate. Bloody hell.

Erm, right, right. Er... What,

do you want some time off work to,
I dunno, set up a meeting or summat?

No. I'll speak to me dad. He'll give
him a ring and see if he's about

tonight. Any chance of
getting served in here? Coming.

Anyway, I'll let you know
what he says.

Yeah. Yeah, thanks, Jess.

Bloody hell.

Peter Levy!

MUSIC: I Love To Love
by Tina Charles

Now, are you sure we haven't gone
a little TOO high, Mrs Stokes?

Well, you know what they say, the
higher the hair, the closer to God.

Well, if that's the case,
I think you should be made a saint.

I've got to make an impact, Gerry,
it's me first gay wedding.

Oh, that'll be nice for you.
Now, one of them's a bipolar lesbian

and the other's a nonbinary,
gender-fluid atheist.

Ooh, fancy!
Right, what do I owe you?

Well, if you'd like to go over
to the till, Mrs Stokes, you can

settle up with Mandy.

SHE MOUTHS

How much is it?
18.

80?
18, for goodness' sake!

£18?
No, euros, what do you think?

That's 18 euros, please, Mrs Stokes.

What would I be doing with euros?

I'm going to a lesbian wedding,
not Gran Canaria.

Oh, for goodness' sake, Mandy,
go and straighten the magazines.

I'm sorry about that, Mrs Stokes.

Oh, I'll get you some change.

Oh, that's all right. See you
next week. Thank you, Mrs Stokes.

Right, Mrs Bell, sorry about that.
Let's get that coat off you.

It's boiling outside.
Are you not hot?

I've been freezing cold since 1989.

Right, Mrs Hicks,
thank you for your patience,

I'll just be
another couple of minutes.

Er, Karen, can I have
a quick word? Yeah.

Now, Karen, I didn't tell you about
this because I didn't want another

flare-up, but Mr Peroni and his
workmen are coming to look at the

salon today. I think you're making
a big mistake, Geraldine.

Look, I don't want
to go into it again.

I know you have issues
with Tony's fiancee,

but it's not her who's investing
in the salon, it's him.

It's got nothing to do with that.
I had a look at your contract.

You did what? Well,
it was on the side in the back.

I assumed that's why
you'd left it out.

You thought I'd left
the contract out

so you could start dishing out
business advice?

Who do you think you are,
Souker Tuleyman?

Who?

Dragons' Den!
No, I...

..I just think that you should...
DOOR OPENS

Geraldine!

So here we are.

# I love to love... #

That is going to cost
a pretty penny to sort out.

Ooh, I've never seen anyone

so thrilled to be
talking about dry rot.

DOOR OPENS
Marion? Hello?

Sorry to let myself in, but I've
been ringing that bell for ages.

Oh, it's probably given in. It's
been on its last legs for years.

I know how it feels.
Rubbish! Plenty of life left in you.

Well, there will be
when you've eaten this meat pie.

Oh, Mr Ferris... I mean Des...
will you look at that?

She's just come out of the oven,
so she'll want half

an hour with the tea towel over her.
Again, I know how she feels.

SHE CHUCKLES

Well, shall we adjourn
to the conservatory?

It would be my pleasure.

This is Karen, my chief stylist
and second-in-command.

Karen, so pleased to meet you.
Likewise.

Ah, Geraldine,
my business partner, Hayley.

I'm Tony's fiancee.
Business partner, fiancee,

it is all the same, no?
Oh, I hope not!

THEY CHUCKLE POLITELY

Hayley, Karen.
We know each other.

Well, I wouldn't go that far,
but we've met.

Well, Geraldine, my guys
will be here shortly to measure up,

but shall we start to look around
and have a chat? Yes, of course.

Can Mandy get anyone a tea?

No, thank you, we just had brunch.

Well, if you'd like to follow me...

You know, this kind of space...

Well! This is very traditional.

Erm, Mary? I will have a drink,
actually. Black coffee, one sugar.

Her name's Mandy.
And she's not making any coffee.

Black coffee? Thanks.
I said no. It's not a problem.

Mandy, can you get
back to work, please?

Do you remember what I said to you
last time we saw each other?

No. Well, maybe
you should've listened.

I said, "Don't make an enemy of me."

Well, you see, the thing is, Hayley,
I only really listen to people

who have important or interesting
information to pass on,

not pointless, idle threats.

We'll see.

And then we could lower the ceiling
and have, er, recessed lighting.

Oh, I've always rather liked
the ceiling this height.

You know what you need back here?

A nail bar. Oh, we've never
really done nails.

Huge mark-up on nails.
Oh, well, maybe we could think

about sending Mandy on a course.

The girl at the front?
Yeah.

HAYLEY LAUGHS

Oh, please! I've got a little
Vietnamese lady who comes to me.

She's called, er, Nuji. Or Nujenna.

I call her Judy. Petite, beautiful,
never speaks unless she's spoken to

AND she works for
practically nothing.

I mean, look at these nails.

Me mam used to serve her
when she worked in Fagan's.

Everybody in the bar
used to call her the town bike.

Right, ladies,
I'd better get to me facial.

You've got lovely skin, Mary.
You want to look after it.

It can start to let you down
when you get past 40.

Or 50.

Well, maybe I'll see you at the Ship
tonight, Karen. I hear Mike's

singing. I missed him last time.
Must've been busy.

She's not going to be
working here, is she?

She better not be,
because if she comes...

..I go.

Beautifully kept garden. Oh, leave
off! It's not a patch on yours.

Well, you do it yourself.
I've seen you.

I have help. Yes, yes.
Your nephew, isn't it?

I saw him the other day.
He's a lovely lad.

Most young men under 30
look as if they need a good bath,

but he's very clean-looking.
Jamie isn't my nephew.

Oh, is he not? I'm sorry,
I thought you said he was.

I think I did. I'm not sure why.

Aye, well, it hardly makes
any difference, does it?

Marion?
Mm-hm?

I'd like to tell you something...
Yes, of course.

..something I choose
not to tell most people.

You can tell me anything.

Well, when Agatha and I divorced
about ten years ago, I learned

something about myself which I find
very difficult to discuss.

I don't let it define me, I just
have to come to terms with it,

but the bottom line is nature
has dealt me a pretty rotten hand.

Oh, no, no, you mustn't say that.

I know, it's silly
and I'm in no way unique...

Oh, far from it!
My daughter, Karen, she had

a friend at hairdressing college,
and he struggled terribly, but once

he accepted that it was something he
was born with, there was no stopping

him. He lives in San Francisco now,
has his own dog-grooming business.

He was born with it? Oh, absolutely.
That's what I believe.

How old is he now?

About the same age as Karen,
I think, about... oh, about 40.

If you don't mind me asking...

..what kind of cancer is it?
Cancer?! I...

Oh.

Erm... Oh, I am sorry, Des. Er, I...
Oh, I thought you meant, erm...

Thought I meant what?
Well, when you said that Jamie

wasn't your nephew, I thought

that you were trying to tell me
that... that you were...

Oh, oh! I feel such an old fool.

You thought I was trying to tell you
that Jamie was my partner?

No! No, no, no. No.

Well, yes.

Don Quixote! Yeah. It's a shame
people don't bother to read

the classics any more,
don't you think?

Did you enjoy it?
Eh?

Don Quixote. When you read it,
did you enjoy it?

Did I enjoy it? Well...

How can you not enjoy
a bit of Don Quixote, you know?

I won't spoil the ending for you,
because you've not finished it yet,

have you? Ooh, very chivalrous
of you. Not unlike Quixote.

Who?
Don Quixote.

Oh, yes! Oh, yeah,
very good, very good.

So, er, are you coming down the Ship
tonight? There's a meat raffle.

I'm vegan.
Are ya?

Mike's singing at the Ship tonight.
Aren't ya? Well, I'm going to do one

song, then I'm going to spend the
rest of the evening trying all the

guest ales until I don't know me own
name. Well, I've seen you that

drunk before. Just, er... stay away
from the crab stalls, eh?

Erm, right, I'd better
get back to work.

Yeah, not a bad idea.

Bit of a knob, your mate Bigsy.
He's all right really,

just doesn't know when to shut up.

Are you coming to the Ship tonight
for this charity do?

No, I'm going to a leisure centre
in Filey to watch

a re-enactment of the beheading
of Marie Antoinette.

Well, ask a silly question.

I thought you were trying to
tell me that you have a... a partner

when... when all the time you were
trying to tell me you've got cancer.

I had a partner. Alan.
Did I ever meet him?

I don't think you did.
He lived in London,

and, of course,
I was here in Scarborough.

We were both too stubborn to move.
But we did have a lot in common.

Far too much in common in the end -
he died of cancer nearly a year ago.

Oh, I'm so sorry. I married him
four days before he died. Oh, Des...

Not as romantic as it sounds.

He was determined the taxman
didn't get any of his money.

Now that money's mine
with no-one to spend it on.

But you never know, I might find
someone daft enough to marry me.

You're handsome, you're kind, you're
loyal, you're a fabulous cook.

What more could anyone want? I'm
sure the right chap will come along.

I think it's companionship
I'm looking for now.

That's what we want at our age,
isn't it, Marion? It is, Des, it is.

And if that someone thought
that I was handsome, loyal, kind,

and they were attractive, funny and
wise, I'd marry them like a shot.

Oh! Now, is it time for dinner yet?
Er... Oh, er, what do you fancy?

A nice, big slice of
home-made meat and potato pie.

SHE LAUGHS

Let me have a look in the kitchen.
You might be lucky.

So, what... what's happening, then?

Well, we're all going to the Ship
for the charity night.

Do you fancy it, Mrs Wise?
Yeah, come on, Mrs Wise.

They've got singers on all night.
Not karaoke, proper singers.

No, I mean the salon.
What's happening with the salon?

We don't really know yet. Well,
I hope you won't go the same way as

the Vanity Box. What they doing
at the Vanity Box?

You phone up for an appointment
and you get a recorded message.

"Press one for an appointment,
two"...for something else...

Well, I've had my phone
since Adam were a lad.

I've got nothing to press.

It's called progress, Mrs Wise.
Imagine all this with new units,

new sinks, new dryers. Yes, I am
imagining it, and I don't like it,

and I dare say most of the customers
are saying the same.

Some of us love this place
exactly as it is.

Well, where would
Geraldine's regulars go

if you went the same way
as the Vanity Box,

all computer booking
and campuccinos?

No, you tell Geraldine from me

that we're not dead yet

and this place is... is the heart
of Scarborough for us old girls.

Don't leave us without a home.

She ain't paid.

Oh, she did this last week. Mandy,
will you go after her, please?

Come on, let's get closed up.

DOO-WOP MUSIC INSIDE PUB

# Every night in my dreams

# I see you, I feel you

# That is how I know you... #

So, how's the new job?

New job?

Oh, at the arcade? Yeah.
Yeah, no, yeah, it's fine.

Yeah, every now and again,
I like to get myself a little...

..mainstream job just to keep
a low profile before the next

proper job comes in, you know?
Your next mission?

Give over! You make me
sound like James Bond.

Do you fancy
staying at mine tonight?

Your what?

My house.

Oh! Erm... I thought
you lived with your parents.

Yeah. Yeah, we all sleep in one room
but I think they'll be cool with it.

Oh, er... That was a joke.
They're on holiday.

Oh, I knew you were...
No, I knew you were joking.

No, you didn't.
You should've seen your face.

I did! My face was also doing a...

Here y'are, look,
I'll do it again, watch. Yeah.

Yeah, I look forward
to seeing that face again tonight.

# Love can touch just one time
And that's... #

Well, I hope you're not on next.
These girls are good.

Oh, thanks for the vote
of confidence, Marion.

Mam, you always like Mike's singing.

Yes, I do, but I'm just saying

it's hard to compete
against three bonny lasses.

Hey, do you not sing?

Me and me sister once did Summer
Nights from Grease and we got free

shots. Oh, well, get your names
down. That's why it's called

karaoke. Mother, it is not karaoke
tonight. Will you stop saying that?

Well, it's good to have
a little party piece up your sleeve.

Karen's father used to play
the spoons. No, he didn't!

No, well, you won't remember.
It was in a cafe in Rhyl.

How was your afternoon with Mr
Ferris? Mm... interesting. Oh! OK...

I'll tell you later.

Are those drinks coming? Because
I'm sitting here spitting feathers.

You will go easy tonight, won't you?
Yeah, course.

I've actually been thinking about
what you were saying the other day.

Why, what were I saying?
You know, about me growing up

and taking responsibility seriously.

Yeah, but I didn't mean
don't have a drink.

No, I'm not talking about the drink,

I'm talking about everything,
about us.

I've been an idiot lately
and... I want to put things right.

I want us to move in together,
start a family.

I just... want us
to live happily ever after.

I love you, Karen.

I know you do.

I love you, too.
Do you?

I do.

LOUD CHOKING AND HAWKING

Soz. Gasping.

Here you go.

Thank you.

SONG ENDS

CHEERING

Thank you, girls. Now, don't forget,

keep buying your tickets
for the meat raffle, which will be

drawn at the end of the evening
by Look North's very own Peter Levy.

ALL: Oooh! But before that, we have
a fantastic singer for you this

evening. Please put your hands
together for Mike Bradley!

CHEERING

SLOW MUSIC STARTS

# I have dreamed

# That your arms are lovely

# I have dreamed

# What a joy you'll be

# I have dreamed

# Every word you whisper

# When you're close

# Close to me

# How you'll look in the... #

Peter! Hey, listen, I've put you
in the other bar so you don't get

hassled, you know, but I just wanted
to say thank you so much for doing

this. I am a massive, massive fan
of your work.

Thank you. I'm flattered to be here,
especially as Jess just told me

you could've had Dua Lipa.
Never heard of her.

I think you dodged a bullet there.
She's world famous.

You wouldn't have been able
to move in here.

I'll be in the front bar.

The drinks are on me. It's time to
celebrate. Tony, I'm sorry to ask

again, but about the £10,000...?

10,000? The one-off payment
to take over the lease.

Oh. You said it'd be paid
into my account the next day.

Well, that was over a week ago.

Excuse me?
A bottle of your best Prosecco.

Best? We've only got one.

I'm sorry to go on about it...

Geraldine, there's
a time for business

and there's a time to celebrate,
and this is the time to celebrate.

We're dragging your little salon
into the 21st century.

You should be thrilled.

# What it's like

# To be loved by you

# I will love being loved

# By you... #

Hey, he's all right, that one.

Yeah, I know he is.

So are you going to make it right
this time and marry him?

Oh, I think those are two different
questions. What does that mean?

Meaning I will marry him...

..and we'll both make it right.

Well, you'd better hurry up,
or I might beat you to it.

What does that mean?

Well, I'm not 100% certain,
but I think this afternoon

Mr Ferris asked me to marry him.
I beg your pardon?

# In these dreams
I have loved you so

# That by now I think I'll know

# What it's like

# To be loved by you

# I will love

# ..being loved...

# ..by you. #

CHEERING

Mike Bradley, everyone. Please,
come on, let's hear it for Mike.

Hey, Gerry, you all right?
I need to talk to you.

I think I've made
a terrible mistake.

Do you mind if I have some of this?
No. Right, do you want some more?

OK, please welcome
the man, the myth,

the legend that is Mr Seaside,

Danny Wilde!

# Here comes my happiness again... #

Yay!
You were absolutely brilliant.

Aw, thanks.

I'll get me own drink, shall I?
Here y'are, have some of this.

No, you're all right, I think
they owe me a free one after that.

Looks like we're going to be seeing
a lot more of each other.

What's that supposed to mean?

I'm starting work at the salon,
so when you visit,

we'll have to try and keep
our hands to ourselves.

Is that a joke?

It is time to repay your debt to me.

Not tonight, please.

I want the old woman
out of her salon,

and you are going to give her
the last push from the inside.

Understand?

We'll speak tomorrow.

Great song. Oh, cheers,
yeah, one of the classics.

Although a great song can be ruined
unless you've got a great singer.

Where are you going to find

one of them on a Friday night
in Scarborough?

Oh, Jess, can I get a pint of...?
I'll be with you in a minute, Mike.

Joe Cassidy. Oh, Mike Bradley.
Nice to meet you.

You ever thought of going pro, Mike?

Done that, got the T-shirt.
Well, I've got hundreds, actually.

Merchandise was never
me strong point.

I work in artist management.
Oh, right, nice one.

I was asked to come and see the
three girls. Yeah, they were great.

Have you heard of a group
called Rigoletto? No.

They won The X Factor
about six years ago.

Oh, aye, yeah, those four plasterers
from Wigan, weren't it?

Opera singing, yeah. Yeah.
Where did they disappear to?

Australia.

They've been touring there
the last few years.

They love them out there,
four British guys who look like

they've come to mend your washing
machine but sing like Jose Carreras.

One of them wants to leave the band.
Always one, in't there?

He's one of the more popular
members of the band.

Brown hair, stocky, dark beard

and the most beautiful,
piercing blue eyes.

You offering me a job
or chatting me up?

I'll start you on 50 grand
for a six-month tour.

And if you prove to be as popular as
the other guy, we can renegotiate.

Scarborough's lovely, but have you
ever been to the Gold Coast?

Amazing place to bring up a family

And the perfect place
to make a new start.

What do you think?

# Just want to dance the night away

# With senoritas who can sway

# Right now, tomorrow's
looking bright... #

MUSIC COMES THROUGH FROM NEXT ROOM

Think about it, Mike.

You know, you rarely
get a second chance

to make your dreams come true.

Jess!

Jess!

HE CRIES OUT

# If you If you see her

# Please let her know

# That I'm well

# As you can tell

# And if she should tell you

# She...
HE LAUGHS

# Well, tell her no

# I gotta go

# Hey! Just want to...

# ..dance the night away

# With senoritas who can sway... #

SCATTING # Bring me
sunshine Bring me sunshine

# In your smile In your smile

# Make me happy Make me happy

# All the while All the while

# In this world where we live

# There should be more happiness

# So much joy we can give

# To each brand-new, bright tomorrow

# Make me happy Make me happy

# Through the years
Through the years

# Never bring me Never bring me

# Any tears... #