Saved by the Bell: The College Years (1993–1994): Season 1, Episode 15 - Bedside Manner - full transcript

♪♪

Jeremiah.

Kelly.

Hi.

What are you doing here?

Well, I want to come
back to your class.

It's been a week now, and this
morning I realized I'm over you.

Completely.
Isn't that great?

Took a whole week, huh?

- I guess I just bounce back fast.
- Oh.

So, can I have my old seat back?



Uh, Kelly--

um, ever since our, um, our uh--

thing,

it really wouldn't be ethical
for you to be my class now.

So I transferred you to
Professor Daly's class.

Oh, really?

Well, why don't you just transfer
me to the University of Beirut.

Salaam.

Glad there's no hard feelings.

- Hey, Kelly.
- Don't talk to me, Zack.

I'm not here anymore,
I don't exist.

Oh, for a girl who doesn't
exist, still turns me on.

Zack.

Look, I know this is
an awkward situation,



but I wanted to let you
know that I don't intend for this

to affect our relationship.

Oh.

Don't worry, I respect you
as much as any professor

who hits on a 19-year-old girl.

Uh, not that I have to explain
myself to you, Zack,

but I broke it off with Kelly.

And for information, she's
19 and a half.

19 and three months.

Oh, Slater.

- What's up, man?
- What's up?

I got to get Kelly back.

I got one word for you --

Cancun.

I got one word for you --

cannot.

I'm broke.

Well, I was planning on taking
Alex over winter break.

Now, if you can
talk Kelly into going,

we could share the expenses.

I got money.
I'll go with you guys.

Screech, you can't go to Mexico.

It's a violation of the
NAFTA agreement.

That's OK, I'll just sneak
across the Rio Grande.

There's very little traffic
going that way.

You know, Slater, it
would be great.

I mean, because there's no way
Kelly can be with me in Cancun

and still think about
Professor Lasky.

There you go.

So, uh, how much money
you got so far?

- Only $300.
- All right, all right.

Well, you give me the $300, and
I'll turn it into $3,000.

- Count me in. All right.
- All right.

Ah, Kelly, me, Mexico --

ole.

♪ I'm standing
at the edge of tomorrow, ♪

♪ and it's all up to
me how far I go ♪

♪ I'm standing at the
edge of tomorrow ♪

♪ I've never seen
such a view before, ♪

♪ a new world before my eyes ♪

♪ So much for me to explore ♪

♪ It's where my future lies ♪

♪ Today, I'm standing at
the edge of tomorrow ♪

♪ From here, the future
looks bright for me ♪

♪ And it's all up to
me how far I go ♪

♪ It's my time to break away ♪

♪ I'm standing at the edge
of tomorrow today ♪

[knock at door]

OK, I'm leaving for the airport.

I hope you mom's leg is OK.

Hey, you kick a bull,
you pay the price.

Besides, broken bones
run in our family.

Hey, you guys know how many
broken bones I've had?

(IN UNISON) 27.

Oh, I've told you, huh?

Believe me, Mike, I know your
body better than I know my own.

And trust me, I've explored
mine extensively.

Well, I don't want
to miss my plane.

Oh, and I asked the dean of
students to keep an eye on the dorm.

So if you guys need
anything, ask her.

Ow!
My elbow!

(IN UNISON) 28.

Slater, start packing
for Cancun.

We are going to have a rave
and charge $20 a head.

Hey, a rave.

- All right, that's a great idea.
- Yeah.

That is not a great idea.

It's a bunch of kids crammed
into some dirty old warehouse

to have a party that's
against the law.

- (IN UNISON) Cool.
- Hey, cool.

Now as I was saying, all we
need to do is pass out these flyers

so people know
where the rave is.

I, uh, found this abandoned
warehouse off campus we can use.

Oh, and I can get the lights
from the Theater department.

Oh, I know where we can
score a video screen.

Oh, that's great. And I'll see
about renting a sound system.

I know guy who works for
the movie theaters.

We can get free Raisinets
and Goobers.

I don't want any part of this.

Just by listening to you, I'm
an accessory to a rave.

Dibs on her Goobers!

Hey, Slater.

I got bad news.

We lost the warehouse.

Aw, you said it was abandoned.

I know, I know. It was, but
when I went back this morning,

they were turning
it into a Walmart.

Stupid economic recovery.

Man.

Well, this is great.

What are we supposed to do now?

We're just going to move
it to the dorm.

The-- what, are you crazy?

We can't have a rave
at the dorm.

- Rogers--
- Is gone.

Oh yeah.

Yeah, we'll change the look
of the whole second floor.

I mean, Rogers' room could
be the dance floor.

We'll take his stuff out
and paint it black.

- That's great.
- Yeah.

Now we've got to find some
doofus to redo 5,000 flyers.

I've changed all your
flyers, Zack.

Do you have any more?
This is fun.

- All right.
- Doing great.

Pass them out.

Oh hey, Jason, here.

"Rave '94."

You're putting on a rave?

Mm-hmm.

In chemistry class, you
seem sort of, uh--

Studious?

No, nerdy.

Hey, uh, is there going
to be some N-O?

No?

N-O. You know, nitrous oxide?

Oh, N-O. No!

Well, I just figured that, uh, since
you're assistant at the chemistry lab,

it might be easy for you get
your hands on a tank?

Yeah, I, I guess
I could do that.

All right, great.

Because I hear it gives
you a wicked buzz.

Hey, I know about that buzzing.

Beekeeping's one of my hobbies.

And here I thought
you were a geek.

Is that the last of
Mike's furniture?

Yeah, that's about it.

So Alex, how'd you do
with the lights?

How did I do with the lights?

The lights?

Fine.

Uh, I think you've had an
overdose of lights, honey.

Oh.

Hey, I, uh, talked to a girl who used
to date one of the guys in Mötley Crüe.

Well, they broke up, but she got
custody of the speakers.

Anyway, she's coming by
to rent them to us.

Zack, why are you going
to all this trouble?

Well, because, uh--

let's talk in there, OK?

Sure.

Look, uh, Kelly, I
know you've been, uh,

feeling kind of low since
this whole Lasky thing.

I'm not feeling low at all.

Just learned a, a
valuable life lesson --

men are filth.

Uh, maybe we should talk later.

No, no, Zack.

What do you want?

Aw, Kelly, I-- you know, I can
see there's no way that

you'd want to go with me, Alex,
and Slater to Cancun.

Well, Zack, I'd love to.

You would?

Well, yeah, but I don't
have any money.

No, no, no. I'll pay for it.
That's why we're having the rave.

Well, that's great.

You know, I could really use
some time away from studying

and lectures and professors.

Especially men professors.

I'm looking for Zack Morris.

Oh, you must be the lady
with the major woofers.

You must be the village idiot.

Zack, the speaker lady's here!

So you dated Mötley Crüe?

Boy, you look like you could
tell some stories.

Who are you and how in the
world did you get in this college?

Wait a minute. Screech,
that's not Motley Crue's old lady.

Ah, let me guess.

You are Zack Morris.

Ah, well, that depends.

Who are you and what do
you want from him?

I'm Susan McMann,
dean of students.

And I want to know why there's
no furniture in Mike Rogers' room.

In that case, let me
get Zack for you.

Zack!

All right, Mr. Morris,
I'm waiting.

Speak.

Well, Dean McMann--

ma'am, I can explain everything.

You see, while
Michael Rogers is away,

we thought we'd surprise
him and paint his room.

You're going to paint his room?

- Yeah!
- Yes!

- Yeah, we are, ma'am.
- We sure are.

And we have an extra paintbrush,
if you would like to join us.

Oh, well, you know, I'd love to, but
my overalls are at the dry cleaners.

I spilled cider on them when
I was watching "Hee Haw."

[phone ringing]

Excuse me.

Gerald, yes?

Yes, I know I'm late
for my 10:00.

Just tell him he's suspended
and to have a nice day.

All right, who are you people?

Name?

Leslie Burke.

Burke?
As in Burke Library?

Burke Hall?

Are you Walt and Edith's
daughter?

- Yes, I am.
- Hello!

Your family has been so
generous to this university.

You know, I've been meaning to
stop by and get to know you.

- Oh.
- I love that outfit.

Don't you dare paint in it.

No, I won't.

Yeah.
Will you excuse me?

I've got to go be harsh
with someone.

Mr. Morris, I don't believe
a word of your story.

I've met a million guys
like you who don't realize

what a privilege it is
to be at this university.

You are on my list.

Ah. Well, uh, who
else is on your list?

Oh, there's my former husband,
there's Leon Lett --

that dummy cost me $300
in the Miami game.

Gerald?
Yes, I'm in transit.

Did you suspend that student?

Did he cry?

Good.

Gee.

I kinda like her.

She's cool.

Zack, you had better think
about canceling this rave.

Yeah, you're right.

I mean, on the one hand, I
could get thrown out of school.

On the other, I could be in
Cancun with Kelly in a bikini.

The rave's on!

[music playing]

Hey there, welcome.

All right, the dance floor's
right here in room 220.

Want something to drink,
go to room 214.

And in room 221 --

well, we're really not sure
what's going on in there.

Zack, let's go check
out Rogers' room.

Uh.

Hey, don't worry about it.
I'll cover the door.

You two kids have fun.

There it is, there it is.

I got a slammin' tune
from Psycho John.

But first will the guy who
brought the doberman

please go to room 214.

Your dog is eating a Chinese
exchange student.

Aw man, I'd better get in there.

Well, Zack, it could
be dangerous.

I know, but I have to.

Wing Ling owes me money.

[record scratching]

Alex, you're gonna
ruin the record.

No, Screech, it's
called "scratching."

They
do in all the clubs.

And please, don't call me Alex.

My rap name is Snoop Allie Dogg.

Cool, let me try.

[record scratch]

- Hey!
- Hey!

Screech. Screech.

Come on, man, get away
from the turntable.

You're ruining everything
as usual.

People aren't paying to
see you be an idiot.

Well, gee, Slater, why are
you always on my back?

Because you're a screw up.

It was one thing in high school
when we used to cover for you,

but this is college, man.

Grow up.

Fine. Wouldn't want
to embarrass you.

Hey, Powers, Powers, bud.

Hey, Jason.

Did you get the nitrous oxide?

No. You know
that stuff can really--

Hey, what is with you, man?

I told my friends that
it was taken care of.

Well, yeah, I mean, I
guess I could get it.

All right, all right,
now you're talking.

And don't be long.

Remember, the guy with the
gas gets all the girls.

Really?

Because it never worked
for me before.

Oh, Dr. Lasky.

I heard your interview on NPR.

You were brilliant.

And I might add, you looked
very attractive.

Thank you, Dean McMann,
but I was on the radio.

Oh!

Well, I must've just
been imagining.

Hello, Miss Burke.
What a lovely blouse.

Is that a Donna Karan?

- Yes, it is.
- What store did you get it in?

Well, actually, Donna just
dropped it off at the house.

Oh my.

You are rich, aren't you?

I like that in a person.

Listen, if you're not happy with
your living arrangements at the dorm,

I can upgrade your room.

Oh thanks, but I'm happy
just where I am.

Really?

Even with that Zack Morris?

Listen, you can tell me.

What is he really up to?

Well, just what he said.

They're painting Mike
Rogers' room.

Trust me, you wouldn't
recognize the place.

What is all this trash?

Oh, uh, nothing.

I'll just throw these away.

So, what brings you here
so late at night?

Well, I was working and
I needed some coffee.

I fired Gerald this afternoon,

and in a snit he took his
cappuccino maker with him.

Oh, that's too bad.

I know.
I love cappuccino.

No, I mean about Gerald.

- Did he work for you long?
- Two years.

Of course, he's been
my son for 27.

You fired your son?

Well, he was a good worker,
but I can't stand the little whiner.

He's such a mama's boy.

Hey, there's a rave going on
over at the Braxton dorm.

A rave!

Leslie, how dare you cover
for Zack Morris?

If your family hadn't endowed
this university with $11 million,

you would be in a lot
of trouble, little lady.

Unfortunately, for Mr. Morris,

his family hasn't
given us bupkis.

Hey, are you Zack?

- Yeah.
- I got a message for you.

Here, I wrote it down.

"Valley surfers bite."

Oh, no -- that's my tattoo.

Ah, here it is.

"Dean McMann's on her way over,
Fruit of the Loom."

What are we going
to do now, Zack?

All right, I promised you a rave

and that is exactly what
you are going to get.

Now just move everything in
here, and the rave is still on.

What do you call this place?

Classroom.

Oh, cool.

Mr. Morris?

[dog barking]

Don't even think about it.

[dog whining]

Powers. Powers. Powers.

- Oh.
- Did you get the nitrous?

- Yeah, I got it.
- All right, all right. Good man.

Where is it?

Well, it's right here, but I don't
think this is such a good idea.

All right, come on guys.

Y-you know, maybe we
shouldn't, um--

Screech! Screech, there you are.

Hey listen, man, when I yelled at
you before, I was really out of line.

No, you weren't, Slater.
You were right.

Sometimes, I do really
dumb things.

Well, yeah, you do.

I think I just did the dumbest
thing I've ever done.

Screech, may I remind you,
you're the man who once thought

the paper toilet seat cover
was a complimentary hat?

Oh yeah.

OK, so it's the second
dumbest thing.

You see, this guy asked me if I could get
some nitrous oxide from the chemistry lab.

Oh, Screech, you didn't do it?

Yeah, I did.

That stuff's illegal, man.

You could kill yourself
if you overdose.

Where is it?

It's over there.

SLATER (OFFSCREEN): All right.
Well, stay right here, I'll go get it back.

No, Slater.

This my screw up.

Let me handle it.

Hey, guys.

Guys, look, I made
a terrible mistake,

and I never should have
brought that tank here.

- Hey, it's all right, man.
- No, it's not.

I want it back.

Hey. Hey, Powers,
chill. Give it back, man.

Hey, is there a problem, man?

No, no problem at all.

Thanks, Slater.

Hey, you handled it.

Oh no.

I made an even bigger
mistake than I thought.

How is that possible, Screech?

Well, I was so nervous
when I grabbed the tank,

I didn't get
the nitrous oxide.

This is a tank of helium.

(HIGH-PITCHED) This isn't
nitrous oxide!

Man, you are a geek.

Come on, fellas.

(HIGH-PITCHED) Yeah, let's
get out of here.

OK, so it's the third
dumbest thing.

Come on, Screech, let's take
this stuff back to the lab.

Well, thanks.

What was that for?

For tonight.

It's been one weird
night, but I have to admit,

it's kept my mind
off of Jeremiah.

Well, in that case, you can put
your mind on you, me, and Mexico.

Ole.

[music stops]

OK, party's over.

Oh, who's this bozo coming
into my house and dissing me?

Oh, Professor Lasky.

First rave?

And my last.

All right, who's responsible
here?

I am, Professor Lasky.

Here's your chance.
Go ahead and bust me.

Mr. Morris, I've got you
for breaking and entering,

for disturbing the peace,
and for running an illegal rave.

You are in serious trouble.

Dean McMann, please, I can assure
you there is a reasonable explanation.

Oh really?

Oh, I can't wait to hear it.

Uh, this, uh, is a
school project.

Oh, Mr. Morris, you're
disappointing me.

That is the flimsiest excuse
I have ever heard.

It, uh, may be flimsy, Dean
McMann, but it's true.

Dr. Lasky?
What are you doing here?

I'm conducting a class on
contemporary urban rituals.

At midnight?

Nocturnal contemporary
urban rituals.

You're in a bathrobe.

No, it's one of those new,
hip, oversized flannel shirts.

Hey, with a belt.

You like it?

Very much.

[clears throat]

I don't believe you, and I
certainly don't believe him.

But since you're a professor, there's
really not much I can do about it.

As for you, Mr. Morris,

I'm going to be watching every
move you make.

Here's one move she
won't see me make.

I saw that.

Listen, you didn't
have to do that.

I know.

I guess you just figured you
wanted to square things with me, huh?

No.

I just love driving
that woman crazy.

- Thanks anyway.
- Yeah.

All right, rave's on!

Ah, that's what you think.

All right, class dismissed.

[groans]

Now!

After all the refunds, we
almost ended up with $300.

Thanks.
That's my money.

Well, I may not be
going to Cancun,

but at least Kelly's
getting over Dr. Lasky.

And you know what that means.

It is time for me
to make my move.

I still can't believe Professor
Lasky bailed you guys out last night.

I know, isn't Jeremiah
wonderful?

I mean, he's so brave
and selfless.

I could fall in love with
him all over again.

[Zack grunts]

Well, I wouldn't make my
move just yet, buddy.

[knock at door]

- Hey, guys. I'm back.
- Hey, what's up, Mike?

Hey, Mike.

So, did anything happen
while I was gone?

- No.
- Nah.

No, pretty quiet.

Great. OK, I'm going to go
back to my room and crash.

- All right.
- See ya.

Take it easy.

Oh man.

Let me tell you, am I
glad Mike's back.

Oh yeah, he's a pussy cat
compared to that Dean McMann.

You know what?

It's just too bad that we have
to give him back his recliner.

Yeah.

(IN UNISON) His room!

Guys, my furniture's
gone, my room is black,

and there's pink
flowers on the walls.

[dog barking]

Zack, I'm gonna get
you for this.

[dog barking]

[theme music]