Saved by the Bell: The College Years (1993–1994): Season 1, Episode 1 - Guess Who's Coming to College? - full transcript

Zack gets a windfall when his former girlfriend from Bayside, Kelly Kapowski, shows up to live in his dorm suit after Danielle transfers. But how does Zack explain it to Leslie whom he is now dating? Meanwhile, Rogers asks Screech to write his autobiography for him.

♪ I'm standing
at the edge of tomorrow, ♪

♪ and it's all up to
me how far I go ♪

♪ I'm standing at the
edge of tomorrow ♪

♪ I've never seen
such a view before, ♪

♪ a new world before my eyes ♪

♪ So much for me to explore ♪

♪ It's where my future lies ♪

♪ Today, I'm standing at
the edge of tomorrow ♪

♪ From here, the future
looks bright for me ♪

♪ And it's all up to
me how far I go ♪

♪ It's my time to break away ♪



♪ I'm standing at the edge
of tomorrow today ♪

Well, here we are,
California University.

That's right, I'm in college
now, living in a co-ed dorm.

Now, the operative word
here is co-ed.

Now, that means chicks
everywhere.

Excuse me, ladies.

I was just about to do
a load of laundry.

Can I wash those towels for you?

In your dreams.

Ah huh.

Wait a minute.

How can I live in a room
without a Jacuzzi?

What is this?

Ahh.



What are you doing on my bed?

Your bed?

Oh, this is one lucky
piece of furniture.

Hi. I'm Alex Tabor,
theater arts major.

I'm Zack Morris.
I'll be your cruise director.

Who does this guy think he is?

Now, what are you doing
in our room?

Our room?

Yes!

No. My room.

Well, there's three of us.
There's three beds.

- What's the problem?
- You are. Get out.

Uh-uh.
See, I was given Room 218.

And believe me,
ladies, believe me,

I am not the kind
of guy to break the rules.

Right suite, wrong room.

Not that I would throw you out.

In fact, I think you're
kind of cute.

I mean, maybe we can work
something out--

Alex!

Hi.

I'm Danielle Marks.

Hi, Zack Morris.
Welcome to our room.

I'm rooming with two girls.

What a coincidence!

So am I.

Would you get out?

You know-- that's what I forgot.

Well, been here for
less than an hour,

and I've already been
kicked out of a woman's room.

Am I college material or what?

Hey, Slater!

Hey, Preppy.
What's up?

- You just get here?
- Yeah.

I was across the hall
falling in love.

- The tall one, right?
- Oh, yeah.

Leslie.

Hey, if I would've known college
was this good,

I would've skipped high school.

Uh, you're not gonna leave these
weights all over the room, are you?

Why not?

Slater, we're living
with women now,

and women don't
want to be climbing over

sweaty, smelly gym
equipment to get to us.

Gotcha.

- I'll stow it.
- OK.

We're college men now, and
everything in this room is

going to be to the height
of coolness.

Hello.

ZACK AND SLATER
(IN UNISON): Screech.

I know, I know.

I was supposed to be in 318,
but I pulled some strings.

- Aren't you proud of me, Zack?
- Uh-huh.

The Three Musketeers,
back together again.

Well, at least we'll never
run out of nasal spray.

Ugh.

Ah, it's going to be
great, Slater.

Total freedom.
We're completely on our own.

Yup. Finally, we are
masters of our own destiny.

That's right.

No parents to tell us what to do
or when to wake up or go to sleep.

Right, Screech?

Hello, Mom?

When are you coming to visit?

I'm homesick!

- He's your friend.
- That's your friend.

- Hey, buddy.
- Hey, what's up?

Shouldn't you be wearing
a hairnet?

Very funny, Preppy.

Ah, hey, you missed a spot.

You know, my wrestling
scholarship doesn't cover everything.

Some of us have to work.

Yeah, yeah.

Excuse me.

Now, the college girls
always get the hots

for the guys that
work in the student union.

Watch this.

[clears throat]

Hi.

I'm AC Slater.
Who are you?

I'm hungry, and this
table is filthy.

Now, in some cultures, that
would mean "your place or mine?"

Not on this planet.

Why, hello, ladies.

Did you miss me?

As much as I miss my acne.

So where are you guys all from?

D.C., Oregon, and San Francisco.

San Francisco?

Well, that's just
over the bridge.

Well, you must be a
geography major.

Actually, it was
investment banking.

But all my heroes are in jail.

Wow, what a coincidence.

You know, Leslie is a
finance major, too.

Amazing.

When can I buy you dinner?

Right now.

Thanks, I had a great time.

Now, Screech, what can you tell
me about the Russian Revolution?

I think the Russians won.

I can't believe this.

I have to read 200 pages
of history by tomorrow.

Don't they have a video on this?

Zack, this is college.

People actually read the books
before they become movies.

A girl!

Leslie!

Welcome to my underwear.

I mean, my room.

Who used all my Soft
and Sassy shampoo?

Oh. Well, if it's soft and
sassy, then it must be Zack.

I'm sorry. I--
I didn't know it was yours.

I'll make you a deal.

You don't use my shampoo, and
I won't use your razor.

OK.

You do use a razor,
don't you, Zack?

Oh, yes. Once a week,
whether he needs it or not.

Zack, are you blushing?

Oh, Leslie.

Leslie, please.

I mean, give me some credit for
a certain amount of sophistication.

Gummy bear?

Smooth, Preppy.

Look, guys, we're going to
be together for a year.

Maybe we should set
some ground rules.

Meet us in the living
room in 10 minutes.

Should we wear towels, too?

You nut.

Guys. Guys.

Look, since this is
our common room,

we should all decide how
we're going to decorate it.

Why don't we just let everyone
put whatever they want up?

But no Ninja Turtles.

[knock on door]

What's happening, guys?

It's Ohio, and it talks!

Hi. I'm Mr. Rogers.

Oh, I watch you every morning.

You're a lot bigger in person.

It's Michael Rogers, and I'm
your resident director.

I just wanted to take this opportunity
to welcome you all to my dorm.

If you've got any problems,
any questions, any...

anything,
you come to me.

So you're kind of like our mom.

Your mom?

Did your mom play linebacker
for the 49ers?

Well, she tried to,
but she was cut.

Michael.

Can I call you Mike?
I'm Zack Morris.

I'm sort of like the unofficial
spokesman for this suite.

Now, we're here to make
your life easier.

- Anything at all that you--
- Cool it, kid.

I've seen it, lived it,
and done it all.

So please, don't think
you can con me.

Me? Con you?

A man with such obvious
intellectual gifts?

What have you got in there,
a bowling ball?

OK. These are the dorm rules.

And do us all a favor.

Pay particular attention
to the first two --

no loud parties during the week,

and no alcohol on the premises.

What happens if you break one?

Break one of my rules?

What do you think happens?

You squeeze the life out of
us with your bare hands?

Works for me.

[whistle blows]

Come on, Slater.
You're better than that.

You're supposed to
be a state champ.

Now, let's try it again.
Here we go.

No, you've gotta get
faster, Slater.

You've gotta focus now.

Come on.
Head down now.

Stay low.
You've gotta get quicker, son.

Listen, AC.

This the big leagues here.

This ain't the Gorgeous
Ladies of Wrestling.

Now, why don't you take a break?

It looks like you need it.
All right?

Let's get me the next
two up here. Come on.

Harris, get up here.

[whistle blows]

Screech?

Hey, what are you doing here?

Me? Uh, nothing.

I was just admiring all the
championship banners.

How many are there?

You must've had a much
better view than me.

Screech, you never saw
me lying on that mat.

Oh, absolutely not.

Everyone knows AC Slater's
never been pinned.

Listen to me, Screech.

Don't tell anyone I
got pinned, OK?

You know me.
I can keep a secret.

Hi, Mom.

What'd you have for dinner?

Mm, pot roast.

Ah, send me some.

Why do you have to go?

I'm your only son.

"Wheel of Fortune" is
on every night.

Hello?

Hello?

Hey, will you shut up, Screech?

Please, I'm trying to study.

Man, it's bad enough I'm burnt
from wrestling practice.

What? Are you having
some troubles on the mats?

Oh, no. He's right
at home on the mats.

Nah, things are going great.

Oh, yeah? So you're kicking
some butt down there, huh?

Yeah. Come on, who
do think you're talking to?

Not a guy's laid a hand on me.

Much like you and Leslie.

Oh no, no, no.

You must be kidding, because
that girl is just ready to fall.

I just need some more
time to impress her.

It's only a four-year
college, Zack.

[knock on door]

(MUTTERING) It's only
a four-year college.

Yeah?

- Hi.
- Hi.

Hey, uh, tomorrow's
Leslie's 18th birthday,

and we're going
to have a cake for her.

Oh, cool.

Of course, I don't eat cake,
because it has sugar.

You ever notice people
who eat sugar?

They just talk and talk
and talk and talk.

They never shut up.

Me, I'm just gonna--

Alex, are you related to
that Energizer Bunny?

We'll see you tomorrow.

8 o'clock, OK?

SLATER (OFFSCREEN): OK, great.

Well, tomorrow's Leslie's
birthday.

You know what that means, guys?

She's a Virgo with a Leo rising?

No.

It means we gotta do something
special for her.

It's party time!

(IN UNISON): Yeah!

[MUSIC - JANET JACKSON,
"BLACK CAT"]

All right!

Great party.

Oh, yeah. I can't wait
to see Leslie's face.

Hi, would you like something
to drink?

Thanks.

Hey, aren't you in
my computer lab?

Uh, I think so.

Sure you are.
You blew me away today.

You know more about the Cyber
700 than the professor.

Well, you know, computer
science is my thing.

Are you interested
in cybernetics?

Yeah.

But I'm more interested in
having a slow dance with you.

Yikes!

What's going on here?

Well, I could be wrong,

but it looks like
your birthday party.

Leslie!

Happy birthday.

I didn't know what to get
you for a present, so--

Who are all these people?

Oh, it's just a few
friends, and their friends,

and their
friends' friends.

And their cousins' friends.

Ah, ah. You don't
have to thank me.

I just wanted to show you
how much I really--

MAN (OFFSCREEN): Let's dance.

What do you think you're doing?

This cake is supposed
to be for everybody.

Who invited this pig?

Danielle, it's OK.

This pig is on my
wrestling team.

Well, he's going to be wrestling
me if he doesn't give me that cake.

Whoa, Slater.
She's tough, man.

Maybe you could get her to
teach you a few moves.

What? Is there something
funny about the way I wrestle?

Oh, yeah.
The coach thinks so.

He says you remind him of
his-- his car mechanic --

always on your back.

That's it, man.

I don't need this abuse.

I'm gonna quit the team.

I don't wanna be a
dumb jock anyway.

Never seemed to bother
him in high school.

Uh, may I?

Sure. Hold this.

Hey, buddy, there's no drinking
in here, all right?

Mr. Rogers.

Hi.

Uh, we were just having
a-- a study group.

Looks to me like you're
having a party.

And that looks like a beer.

This party's over.

I want everybody out.

The question is, what am I going
to do with you guys?

But Mr. Rogers, like I said,
this is really all my fault.

Oh, I've got no doubt
about that, Zack.

But the suite broke the rules, and
now the suite's gotta pay the price.

Excuse me, sir.

You see, I can't be in trouble.

My father, he's a federal judge,

and I'm not allowed to
be in trouble.

Well, tell His Honor that
there's a first time for everything.

Now, the way I see it, you've
got three choices.

Can I buy a vowel?

Sit down.
This isn't a game show.

One, you're out of the dorm.

Two, curfew for a month.

Or three, you can help the Psychology
Department with a research project.

Yeah, we'll take the
research project.

Speak for yourself, Zack.
We don't even know what it is.

OK.

The project is to get one of
these questionnaires completed

by every freshman on campus.

But there's 3,000 freshmen.

That'll take us forever.

That's the beauty of it.

Maybe next time, you won't
break my rules.

Nice work, Zack.

Oh, come on, guys. You're not
really angry with me, are you?

Slater?

Leslie.

I-- I just wanted you
to have a nice birthday.

You know what your
problem is, Zack?

You're immature and selfish.

You didn't throw that party
to make me happy.

You did it to impress me and
to make yourself look good.

I guess it doesn't matter if
somebody else has to pay the price,

like your friends.

I mean, your ex-friends.

Oh, Zack, I've been looking
for you everywhere.

Look, Screech, I just
want to be alone.

You know, you wouldn't believe
how many times in a day I hear that.

I won't say a word.

Sure, everyone's mad at you.

I mean, Michael Rogers hates
you, not to mention Slater--

Screech.

Danielle, Alex.
Of course, Leslie.

- She probably hates you the most.
- Thank you, Screech.

Gee, you're just like a
walking Hallmark card.

I thought this place
was gonna be great.

I thought it was gonna be
parties and girls and freedom.

It just turned out
to be a big drag.

You know, I was thinking I might
just transfer to a school back home.

Wow.

First Slater, now you.

Oops!

Wait a minute.

What about Slater?

Nothing. He made me
promise I wouldn't tell you.

Go ahead, torture me.

I wouldn't tell you even if you
poured molten lava down my pants.

Screech, you're about 2 seconds
away from a noogie.

OK, OK, I give!

Slater's getting his
butt kicked in wrestling,

and he wants to quit the team.

Wait a minute. If he quits the
team, he'll lose his scholarship.

I know.

Then he'd have to
drop out of school,

and I'd be stuck all alone
in a suite with three women.

How soon do you leave?

Slater's worked towards
this his whole life.

I mean, wrestling in college is
all he ever talked about.

I'm not gonna let him quit.

Why not?

If you're gonna give up and
run away, why can't he?

[ukulele playing]

Win a trip to beautiful Hawaii,
land of the Houlihans,

hula girls, and hula hoops.

So did you fill out
all the questions?

Yup.

Now, be sure to come back at
6:00 for the big drawing.

Aloha.

Aloha.

Aloha to you, too.

- Mr. Rogers.
- Zack.

Hi. Uh, you know, I thought
it'd more time efficient having the

questionnaires coming to us
instead of the other way around.

And once they turn them in,
we mix them around in this barrel.

And then, Zack reaches
in and pulls one out,

and that person
wins a trip to Hawaii.

I figured that part
out all by myself.

Zack, let me have
a word with you.

Sure.

I really love the
way you operate.

Well, thank you, sir.

Man, you have got a
lot of potential.

In fact, you kind of remind me
of myself when I was your age.

Really?

Well, hey, I just wanna
be like Mike.

I'll tell you what.

I love these scams.

I bet you ran a lot of them
in high school, huh.

Are you kidding, Mike?

I was the king.

- Oh, man, It's beautiful.
- Yeah.

You-- you run a fake
contest, and in the end,

there's no
prize at all, right?

You're right with me, Mike.

- Guess what, Zack?
- Huh.

You're not in high
school anymore.

When you run a contest in
college and offer a prize,

there better be one.

Get my drift?

Drifting, sir.

Good.

Excuse me.

Can you clean this
table, please?

I'll have my assistant do it.

How much does this
job pay again?

- $4.50 an hour.
- Oh, great.

At this rate, I'll have it
paid off by spring break --

of my junior year.

Excuse me.

What? Is your table filthy, too?

No.

Uh, Zack, I wanna apologize.

I-- I think I was kind of
hard on you the other night,

and I-- I guess you meant well
when you threw me that party.

And it wasn't your fault it got
out of hand, and I overreacted.

No. You know,
I-- I-- I didn't think.

- You were right.
- No, I overreacted.

- Well, you had every reason.
- No, it wasn't your fault.

Yes, it was.

Would you stop apologizing
and let me apologize?

Sorry.

Anyway, you did get us
all off the hook.

And it's pretty cool that you're
gonna pay for that Hawaii trip.

Maybe you're not such
a bad guy after all.

Hey.

Now, that was almost
a compliment.

Yeah, well, don't let
it go to your head.

- All right, I better get going.
- Yeah.

Maybe I'll see you around later.

Well, good. Because
I'm gonna be around later.

I don't know, maybe we could
be around later together.

- Sure.
- OK.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Yes!

Excuse me.

Oh, let me guess.

Uh, you need more napkins.

No, your-- your salt shaker's
empty, right?

No, I just wanted to come
over here and meet you.

I saw you wrestling.

Oh. Well, I won't be
doing that much longer.

I was getting smoked.

What are you talking about?
You were great.

Those other guys may be bigger,
but you are way cuter.

Really?

Thanks.

See ya around.

I hope.

$20.

Good work.

Now, I'll be working here
until my senior year.

Shoot it, shoot it.

Three, two, one!

Oh, what's up?

Hey, Screech, we should go.
The movie starts in 10 minutes.

Yeah. And we have
to get there early,

because I can't see in
the first 10 rows.

And I really can't hear
in the last 10 rows.

You know where's good?
The middle is good.

On that right side,
if you just--

Alex, by the time you stop talking,
the movie will be in video stores.

Well, guys, the girls and I
are going to a French film.

[telephone rings]

Hello?

Uh, hey, Screech, it's your mom.

Tell her I'm busy, and I'll
see her at Thanksgiving.

Bonsoir, guys.

Uh, he says, he loves you, and
he'll call you tomorrow.

OK.

Ah, look who's the
big man on campus.

Yeah.

Oh, uh, by the way, Zack,

Sonya asked
me to give you this.

Look, man, I was just
trying to help.

I mean, this hasn't exactly been
the best week of my life either.

I kinda knew that.

I mean, last year, when we were
seniors, we ruled Bayside.

We were like chick magnets, huh?

And this year, we're
college freshmen.

We're the lowest rung
on the food chain.

Tell me about it.

You know, when I wrestled in high
school, I barely worked up a sweat.

Yeah.

My shoulders never even
touched the mat.

It's hard going from being
the best to being--

- The worst?
- Second best.

All right, all right.
To being the last best.

But I'll tell you something,
Preppy.

I didn't come here to quit.

I'm gonna put some extra
time in at the gym.

Now, that's my man.

Hey, uh, can I have my $20 back?

Actually, no.

I think I'll ask Sonya
to dinner on you.

Ah.

- So have you got plans?
- Yup.

I got a date with Leslie.

Get outta here.
How'd you manage that?

Oh, it's easy. See, Leslie's the
kind of woman who appreciates

maturity, patience,
and understanding.

Then what's she doing with you?

Have a good one.

You too.

Oh, yeah.

Take it easy.

Eh?

Wow, you look excellent.

What do you say we, uh--

Uh, Zack, this is Bob.

Bob.

There's a Bob?

Uh, I'll meet you
downstairs, OK?

So you're going out with Bob.

Zack, you didn't think
that you and I were--

I-- I mean, I like you,
but we're suitemates.

Friends.

Buds.

Are you kidding?

Oh, you thought that-- me, you?

No.

Hey, I have a date myself.

Oh, that's good. I--

I mean, I'd hate to mess
things up between us.

Oh, you know, me, too.

Well, you, uh, have
a good night, bud.

You too.

Well, this sure is
a week of firsts.

It's my first week of college,

first Saturday night alone,

first time I didn't
get the girl.

Well, since there's
nothing else to do,

may as well add
one more first to the list --

first weekend night I'm ever...

going to study.

I don't think so.