Saved by the Bell (1989–1992): Season 4, Episode 15 - Teacher's Strike - full transcript
Zack and Slater help along a teacher's strike to avoid going to classes, but they find out that their academic championship game between the geeks from Bayside and Valley will be canceled as a result of the strike. Meanwhile, Jessie fills in for the absent Kelly at her job at the Max, while Screech comes down with a cold prior to the championship and Zack has to replace him.
[bell rings]
♪ When I wake up in the morning
and the alarm gives out a warning ♪
♪ I don't think I'll ever
make it on time ♪
♪ By the time I grab my books
and I give myself a look ♪
♪ I'm at the corner just in time
to see the bus fly by ♪
♪ It's all right ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the bell ♪
♪ If the teacher pops a test
I know I'm in a mess ♪
♪ And my dog ate
all my homework last night ♪
♪ Ridin' low on my chair,
she won't know that I'm there ♪
♪ If I can hand it in tomorrow
it will be all right ♪
♪ It's all right ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the bell... ♪
♪ It's all right,
'cause I'm saved by the-- ♪
♪ It's all right, 'cause I'm saved
by the-- ♪
♪ It's all right,
'cause I'm saved by the bell ♪
All right, Lisa, let's practice
for the Academic Bowl.
First question--
what's the zip code
of Northern Zimbabwe?
90210?
Buzz! Wrong answer. That
would be Zimbabwe Hills.
What kind of stupid question is that?
You've got to know everything.
It's the Academic Bowl,
not Wheel of Fortune.
Guys, guess where Slater
and I are going Friday?
Here's a hint.
It's big and white.
You need a lift ticket
to get to the top.
The Matterhorn at Disneyland?
No. Skiing at
Big Bear Mountain.
It's winter break.
And the slopes will be
packed with ski bunnies.
Wow! Bunnies and bears.
Can I go?
Take him. Maybe he'll
get eaten by a bear.
OK. You can
carry my skis.
How are you going to cut school
without Belding knowing?
You are talking to Zack Morris.
Getting out of school
is my middle name.
How are we getting
out of school?
I have no idea.
Here you go, Screech.
Orange juice, extra pulp,
oatmeal, lumpy...
And scrambled eggs, runny.
You forgot my burnt toast.
Don't push it, little man.
Can I get you guys something?
Yes, another waitress.
You're rude.
How do you like
filling in for Kelly?
Well, I hate wearing this
demeaning sexist uniform.
But the tips are great.
How are you going to practice for the
Academic Bowl and still work?
Are you kidding?
Ask me anything.
OK, what's the zip code
of Northern Zimbabwe?
Easy. KR137X.
I've got toast burning.
Bye.
Smart chick.
Lousy attitude.
Wish she had the answer for
getting out of school Friday.
Too bad the teachers'
contract talks are going well.
If there's a strike,
there'd be no school.
Sometimes the biggest
dorks have the best ideas.
Tuttle, all these demands
seem reasonable--
"salary hike, better hours,
larger lunch portions"?
Well, that would be a
personal favor, of course.
Of course.
I want you to spread the word.
Dick Belding is on
the teachers' team.
He doesn't want a strike.
Solidarity, brother.
Solidarity, brother.
All right.
Ready for your interview
for the school paper, Mr. B?
Interview?
Remember?
Every year before
the Academic Bowl,
you provide a few inspirational
comments for the school paper.
We'll turn those comments
into a teacher's strike.
What was that?
Sound check.
- Sounds good.
- OK.
Now, Mr. Belding...
Bayside's academic team is
winless in Bowl competition.
Does this losing tradition
concern you?
Ahem.
Heck, no.
Sir, we need a little
more inspiration.
Oh.
We're going to crush them!
Spineless jellyfish never
put up much of a fight.
How's that?
Perfect, Mr. B.
Just one more thing.
Valley's principal
says you're over the hill.
What do you think of that?
That incompetent bozo.
He should have been
fired years ago.
Did you get all that?
Every last word.
Remember, people,
be confident, be quick,
and most of all,
be correct.
Ready?
- Ready!
- Ready!
Name the city that was
once called New Amsterdam.
[buzzer]
New York.
Correct.
Captain John Smith was said
to have been saved by--
[buzzer]
Pocahontas.
Correct.
Who was the first
person to walk--
[buzzer]
Neil Armstrong.
On the moon.
Correct again.
OK. Next question.
Mr. Tuttle, we are
on the team, too.
Screech buzzes in before
we hear the question.
Yeah.
How can we practice?
Now, girls, quit complaining.
Screech is exactly the kind of
crafty genius you'll be up against.
Yeah. Don't
bruise the genius.
Can we get an update on the
teachers' contract for the school paper?
Absolutely.
OK, bowlers, brain break.
This gives us a chance
to discuss our strategy
with our genius captain.
Yeah. Come
with us, captain.
Yikes!
It'll just be a second.
I have to cue the tape.
Fine.
Mr. Belding, are you concerned
about the threat of a teachers' strike?
Heck, no. We're
going to crush them.
Spineless jellyfish never
put up much of a fight.
Sorry. That was a previous
interview with Mr. Belding.
I'll fast forward to--
No, no, no, no!
I want to hear this.
Well, what's wrong
with Union President Tuttle?
That incompetent bozo?
He should have been
fired years ago.
Incompetent?
Bozo?
Fired?
Well, we'll see about that!
He said what?
That double-crosser called us
spineless,
incompetent jellyfish!
This is an outrage.
I never trusted him.
I knew he was
covering something.
Follow me.
OK, Belding.
Show your face.
Something wrong?
Have you told the teachers
how I feel about them?
Yes, and our response
is unanimous.
[all]
We strike!
They strike.
While we go skiing.
Bye, Gretchen.
Bye, Inga.
- Mm-wa!
- Mm-wa!
Hey, guys, how was skiing?
Skiing?
Looked like fun.
He was too busy with
Gretchen to even go outside.
Hey, man, snow was cold.
Where's Screech?
He's where he's supposed to be,
bringing in our luggage.
Aah!
Screech, are you ok?
Oh, Screech.
Yeah, I'm fine.
Luckily, I landed on my head.
Are you sure you're OK, Screech?
The Academic Bowl's
in a few days.
He's fine.
He got sniffles from
skiing in his underwear.
Why did you do that?
I forgot my pajamas.
You ski in pajamas?
Why would I do that?
Then I'd have nothing
to sleep in at night.
Stop. Screech went
to use the bathroom,
opened the patio door
by mistake,
and a gust of wind
sent him airborne.
When we found him,
he qualified for
the Polish ski team.
I'm glad you're OK.
We've got Academic
Bowl practice soon.
You're going to school
when you don't have to?
That's sick.
You'll be going to
school with us tomorrow
because Belding and Tuttle
are settling the strike.
I don't like how this sounds.
Me, neither.
Ha ha ha!
I'm glad we're able
to clear things up.
I agree, Mr. Belding.
The strike is over.
All right.
I guess Belding was
right about the teachers
not putting up much
of a fight, huh, Slater?
Yeah. They
are spineless.
Spineless?
Well, we fought for
and won every demand.
You only asked for
more money and better hours.
What else is there?
Just a little something
called respect.
Respect?
Respect.
Like having a parking space
near your classroom.
No respect.
A teachers' lounge to relax in.
No respect.
Happier with money?
Take it.
I'm only a student.
What do I know?
You are wise beyond your years.
Excuse me.
I have some jellyfish to fry!
Oh, go.
Mr. Tuttle?
Nice try, Belding.
The teachers demand respect.
What do you mean?
Don't play dumb.
We'll see you
on the picket line!
But...
What happened?
I thought you
had things worked out.
So did I.
This strike could go on
a few more days?
It could go on all semester.
What about the
Academic Bowl next week?
If the teachers vote
to stay out on strike tonight,
it means no school
and no Academic Bowl.
I'm sorry.
No Academic Bowl?
Uh-huh.
Thanks. Now all that hard
work is down the drain!
No Academic Bowl?
Some friends. You don't
care who you hurt.
No Academic Bowl?
Ladies and gentlemen,
I spoke to the school board, and
I have good news and bad news.
The good news is they
listened to all your demands.
The bad news is, they
said, "no way. Forget it."
Then we strike.
Now, hold on.
Hold on, now.
Be reasonable.
This looks bad for the school.
It doesn't bother me.
Well it bothers me.
I don't want to be known
as the only principal
who can't get along
with his teachers.
Hey, wait.
You didn't let
Mr. Belding finish.
Since the school board
wouldn't meet your demands,
Mr. Belding came up
with his own proposal.
I did?
Yes. Remember? You
asked us to type it up.
I did?
I'll read it to help
jog your memory.
All right.
Item 1 -- teacher's lounge.
Since there is no lounge,
Mr. Belding will
provide his office
during odd periods
for teachers to relax.
Your office is so ugly,
they won't stay long.
Item 2 -- parking spaces.
Mr. Belding volunteers to give up
his space and park with the students.
This way, every teacher will be
one space closer to the school.
That's pretty good, huh?
Yeah!
Great!
Good one.
Absolutely not.
I refuse to ride that
smelly shuttle bus.
Don't worry. We'll
save you a window seat.
Finally, Mr. Belding
will use his annual bonus
to pay for the faculty
Christmas party.
You got to respect that.
Huh?
All right!
Yeah!
Wonderful!
That's right.
We accept.
The teachers are back
to work as of tomorrow!
Mr. Tuttle,
welcome back.
Well, are you ready
to bone up for the Bowl?
Test us.
I've got an itchy buzzer finger.
I'm glad the Academic
Bowl wasn't canceled.
So am I.
The hard work you've put in
will be the winning complement
to Screech's brainy energy.
Let's begin.
[blows nose loudly]
Screech, are you OK?
Oh, yeah, I'm fine.
[coughs]
Just a little head cold.
Ah-choo!
Mr. Screech, are you sure
you're feeling up to this?
Yes. Positive.
Ah-choo!
All right, let's begin.
Uh, question 1 --
what are the two
chief classes of nebulae?
[imitates buzzer]
Emissions and reflection.
Mr. Tuttle,
he's burning up.
Let's get him to the nurse.
Mr. Screech, I'm afraid your
Bowl practice is over for good.
Thanks, Mom.
[buzzer]
Here are your malts.
They're extra thick.
I hope you choke on them.
We didn't make Screech sick.
The dufus fell out a window.
You took the dufus skiing.
How many times should
we say we're sorry?
Say it again.
- We're sorry.
- We're sorry.
Not good enough.
Getting angry is not making
our situation any better.
With Screech in the hospital,
we should be finding
a replacement.
Maybe I can do it.
You have wrestling
practice every day.
Besides, whoever
replaces Screech
would have to study
right up until Bowl day.
Well, maybe it's a lost cause.
We should probably just forfeit.
Never. Canceled a perfectly good
teacher's strike for this stupid thing.
Nerd alert. It's
the Valley bowl team.
Lookee, lookee.
It's the Bayside
bowl team bimbos.
I guess you'll forfeit now
that you're Screechless.
We'll be there, Gladys,
and we won't be
dressed for a flood.
Hey, back off, lady.
My mom personally
selects my attire.
Save your breath, Earl.
You're dealing with people who
think quantum physics is a TV show.
Don't laugh too loud.
They're going to beat
the tape off your glasses.
If you're so confident,
you take Screech's place.
He couldn't speak and
buzz at the same time.
All right, scrambled
eggheads, you're on.
We're going to mop
the floor with you.
Get out of here.
All right, Screech,
I'm ready to learn.
Lisa and Jessie cover
English, Art, and History.
Tell me everything
about math and science.
OK, astrophysics--
first, think of astro,
the jetsons' dog.
Jetsons means jet propulsion,
with properties "a," "b," "c"...
See you real soon.
Oh, no. He died.
I'm back.
Let's move on to the planets.
OK.
Can you remember
the word "mvemjsunp"?
Mvemjsunp?
Mvemjsunp?
It's the name of the planets
according to their distance from the sun.
"M"--Mercury, "V"--Venus,
"E"...
"E"...
Ee-yai, ee-yai, oh.
Screech, Screech,
what's the rest of it?
♪ Old MacDonald
had a farm ♪♪
What?
It's too bad we couldn't
get Screech to coach Valley.
They'd be so confused,
we'd kill them.
Coaching the Valley team?
What an interesting concept.
Why did you ask us here,
muscle brain?
We're on a tight schedule.
OK, here's the deal.
I volunteered to take
Screech's place on the team.
They laughed and said,
"no jocks allowed."
Why does this concern us?
Now I want to help you guys win.
We don't need your help.
Without Screech,
they're dead meat.
Yeah? Screech is back.
Screech is back?
- Ooh.
- Ooh.
He's not actually back back.
Screech has taught Zack
everything he knows.
Everything?
Even thermonuclear
global time share?
Even advanced thermonuclear
global time share.
Uh-oh.
I smell trouble.
Don't sweat it.
I know their strategy.
They're planning to win
in the sports category.
We know all about sports.
Well, concentrate on football.
Zack's an expert.
Then we'll concentrate
on the pigskin.
That's the sport with helmets.
So they don't get hurt
falling off their horse.
Academic Bowlers,
in a moment the game will begin.
Remember -- winning
isn't everything,
but losing stinks.
Come on.
[all]
Go, Bayside!
Nerds buy our plan?
Touchdown.
Sorry I'm late, everyone.
I missed the campus shuttle bus.
Now you know why I'm
late every morning.
Welcome to the annual
Bayside-Valley Academic Bowl.
There are six categories.
The controlling team can pick any
subject within the given category.
Are you ready?
- Ready.
- Ready.
- You bet.
- You bet.
OK, opening question
for control of the board.
Category -- literature.
What was Mark Twain's real name?
Samuel Clemens.
Correct.
Next question --
category still literature.
In Grimm's fairy tale
Snow White,
what were the names
of the seven dwarfs?
Bashful, Doc, Dopey,
Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy, Sneezy.
Right.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, but that's wrong.
Now, nerds-- I mean,
Valley for control.
In Grimm's version
they had no names.
Later, Walt Disney named them.
That's correct for 15 points.
Name this duck-billed mammal.
Platypus.
Correct for 15 points.
Next question --
the bird that hides
its head in the sand...
Ostrich.
Is the ostrich.
How fast does it run?
50 miles an hour?
Correct.
When is this great plan
of yours going to start?
Patience, Jessie.
We've got them right
where we want them.
OK, contestants, final round.
Question value
doubles to 30 points.
Category is sports.
Bayside, choose the subject.
I think I'll pick football.
Ah, let's live dangerously.
Make it basketball.
What happened to football?
OK, first question --
name the famous
Los Angeles center
who holds the NBA's
career scoring record.
Um, it's that Kareem guy.
Kareem Abdul-Montana.
No. I'm sorry.
Bayside?
Is it Kareem Abdul-Jabbar?
Correct for 30 points.
Question 2 --
who is the Chicago Bull
that defies gravity?
That would be Air McMahon.
No, stupid. That's
the guy on Star Search.
Bayside.
I believe it's
Michael "Air" Jordan.
Correct. 30 more points.
If Bayside answers
the final question correctly,
they'll be tied.
Who invented basketball?
O.J. Simpson.
No, you idiot.
He's a football player.
OK, O.J. Chamberlain.
No. That is wrong
and ridiculous.
Bayside.
Here's a wild guess.
Is it James Naismith?
Correct.
We have a tie,
and now to break the tie,
a wild-card, tie-breaker,
tossup question.
Name the solar system's
nine planets,
starting with the closest
to the sun.
Uh, that would be mvemjsunp.
That's Mercury, Venus,
Earth, Mars,
Jupiter, Saturn,
Uranus, Neptune, and...
uh... Pluto?
Correct.
Bayside is
the Academic Bowl champion.
Good work, people.
Oh, thank you, sir.
Are you coming
to the victory party?
Sure.
Where is it?
It's in the new
teacher's lounge.
That's my office.
You'll wreck everything.
If it's a good party we will.
Solidarity, brother.
♪ When I wake up in the morning
and the alarm gives out a warning ♪
♪ I don't think I'll ever
make it on time ♪
♪ By the time I grab my books
and I give myself a look ♪
♪ I'm at the corner just in time
to see the bus fly by ♪
♪ It's all right ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the bell ♪
♪ If the teacher pops a test
I know I'm in a mess ♪
♪ And my dog ate
all my homework last night ♪
♪ Ridin' low on my chair,
she won't know that I'm there ♪
♪ If I can hand it in tomorrow
it will be all right ♪
♪ It's all right ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the bell... ♪
♪ It's all right,
'cause I'm saved by the-- ♪
♪ It's all right, 'cause I'm saved
by the-- ♪
♪ It's all right,
'cause I'm saved by the bell ♪
All right, Lisa, let's practice
for the Academic Bowl.
First question--
what's the zip code
of Northern Zimbabwe?
90210?
Buzz! Wrong answer. That
would be Zimbabwe Hills.
What kind of stupid question is that?
You've got to know everything.
It's the Academic Bowl,
not Wheel of Fortune.
Guys, guess where Slater
and I are going Friday?
Here's a hint.
It's big and white.
You need a lift ticket
to get to the top.
The Matterhorn at Disneyland?
No. Skiing at
Big Bear Mountain.
It's winter break.
And the slopes will be
packed with ski bunnies.
Wow! Bunnies and bears.
Can I go?
Take him. Maybe he'll
get eaten by a bear.
OK. You can
carry my skis.
How are you going to cut school
without Belding knowing?
You are talking to Zack Morris.
Getting out of school
is my middle name.
How are we getting
out of school?
I have no idea.
Here you go, Screech.
Orange juice, extra pulp,
oatmeal, lumpy...
And scrambled eggs, runny.
You forgot my burnt toast.
Don't push it, little man.
Can I get you guys something?
Yes, another waitress.
You're rude.
How do you like
filling in for Kelly?
Well, I hate wearing this
demeaning sexist uniform.
But the tips are great.
How are you going to practice for the
Academic Bowl and still work?
Are you kidding?
Ask me anything.
OK, what's the zip code
of Northern Zimbabwe?
Easy. KR137X.
I've got toast burning.
Bye.
Smart chick.
Lousy attitude.
Wish she had the answer for
getting out of school Friday.
Too bad the teachers'
contract talks are going well.
If there's a strike,
there'd be no school.
Sometimes the biggest
dorks have the best ideas.
Tuttle, all these demands
seem reasonable--
"salary hike, better hours,
larger lunch portions"?
Well, that would be a
personal favor, of course.
Of course.
I want you to spread the word.
Dick Belding is on
the teachers' team.
He doesn't want a strike.
Solidarity, brother.
Solidarity, brother.
All right.
Ready for your interview
for the school paper, Mr. B?
Interview?
Remember?
Every year before
the Academic Bowl,
you provide a few inspirational
comments for the school paper.
We'll turn those comments
into a teacher's strike.
What was that?
Sound check.
- Sounds good.
- OK.
Now, Mr. Belding...
Bayside's academic team is
winless in Bowl competition.
Does this losing tradition
concern you?
Ahem.
Heck, no.
Sir, we need a little
more inspiration.
Oh.
We're going to crush them!
Spineless jellyfish never
put up much of a fight.
How's that?
Perfect, Mr. B.
Just one more thing.
Valley's principal
says you're over the hill.
What do you think of that?
That incompetent bozo.
He should have been
fired years ago.
Did you get all that?
Every last word.
Remember, people,
be confident, be quick,
and most of all,
be correct.
Ready?
- Ready!
- Ready!
Name the city that was
once called New Amsterdam.
[buzzer]
New York.
Correct.
Captain John Smith was said
to have been saved by--
[buzzer]
Pocahontas.
Correct.
Who was the first
person to walk--
[buzzer]
Neil Armstrong.
On the moon.
Correct again.
OK. Next question.
Mr. Tuttle, we are
on the team, too.
Screech buzzes in before
we hear the question.
Yeah.
How can we practice?
Now, girls, quit complaining.
Screech is exactly the kind of
crafty genius you'll be up against.
Yeah. Don't
bruise the genius.
Can we get an update on the
teachers' contract for the school paper?
Absolutely.
OK, bowlers, brain break.
This gives us a chance
to discuss our strategy
with our genius captain.
Yeah. Come
with us, captain.
Yikes!
It'll just be a second.
I have to cue the tape.
Fine.
Mr. Belding, are you concerned
about the threat of a teachers' strike?
Heck, no. We're
going to crush them.
Spineless jellyfish never
put up much of a fight.
Sorry. That was a previous
interview with Mr. Belding.
I'll fast forward to--
No, no, no, no!
I want to hear this.
Well, what's wrong
with Union President Tuttle?
That incompetent bozo?
He should have been
fired years ago.
Incompetent?
Bozo?
Fired?
Well, we'll see about that!
He said what?
That double-crosser called us
spineless,
incompetent jellyfish!
This is an outrage.
I never trusted him.
I knew he was
covering something.
Follow me.
OK, Belding.
Show your face.
Something wrong?
Have you told the teachers
how I feel about them?
Yes, and our response
is unanimous.
[all]
We strike!
They strike.
While we go skiing.
Bye, Gretchen.
Bye, Inga.
- Mm-wa!
- Mm-wa!
Hey, guys, how was skiing?
Skiing?
Looked like fun.
He was too busy with
Gretchen to even go outside.
Hey, man, snow was cold.
Where's Screech?
He's where he's supposed to be,
bringing in our luggage.
Aah!
Screech, are you ok?
Oh, Screech.
Yeah, I'm fine.
Luckily, I landed on my head.
Are you sure you're OK, Screech?
The Academic Bowl's
in a few days.
He's fine.
He got sniffles from
skiing in his underwear.
Why did you do that?
I forgot my pajamas.
You ski in pajamas?
Why would I do that?
Then I'd have nothing
to sleep in at night.
Stop. Screech went
to use the bathroom,
opened the patio door
by mistake,
and a gust of wind
sent him airborne.
When we found him,
he qualified for
the Polish ski team.
I'm glad you're OK.
We've got Academic
Bowl practice soon.
You're going to school
when you don't have to?
That's sick.
You'll be going to
school with us tomorrow
because Belding and Tuttle
are settling the strike.
I don't like how this sounds.
Me, neither.
Ha ha ha!
I'm glad we're able
to clear things up.
I agree, Mr. Belding.
The strike is over.
All right.
I guess Belding was
right about the teachers
not putting up much
of a fight, huh, Slater?
Yeah. They
are spineless.
Spineless?
Well, we fought for
and won every demand.
You only asked for
more money and better hours.
What else is there?
Just a little something
called respect.
Respect?
Respect.
Like having a parking space
near your classroom.
No respect.
A teachers' lounge to relax in.
No respect.
Happier with money?
Take it.
I'm only a student.
What do I know?
You are wise beyond your years.
Excuse me.
I have some jellyfish to fry!
Oh, go.
Mr. Tuttle?
Nice try, Belding.
The teachers demand respect.
What do you mean?
Don't play dumb.
We'll see you
on the picket line!
But...
What happened?
I thought you
had things worked out.
So did I.
This strike could go on
a few more days?
It could go on all semester.
What about the
Academic Bowl next week?
If the teachers vote
to stay out on strike tonight,
it means no school
and no Academic Bowl.
I'm sorry.
No Academic Bowl?
Uh-huh.
Thanks. Now all that hard
work is down the drain!
No Academic Bowl?
Some friends. You don't
care who you hurt.
No Academic Bowl?
Ladies and gentlemen,
I spoke to the school board, and
I have good news and bad news.
The good news is they
listened to all your demands.
The bad news is, they
said, "no way. Forget it."
Then we strike.
Now, hold on.
Hold on, now.
Be reasonable.
This looks bad for the school.
It doesn't bother me.
Well it bothers me.
I don't want to be known
as the only principal
who can't get along
with his teachers.
Hey, wait.
You didn't let
Mr. Belding finish.
Since the school board
wouldn't meet your demands,
Mr. Belding came up
with his own proposal.
I did?
Yes. Remember? You
asked us to type it up.
I did?
I'll read it to help
jog your memory.
All right.
Item 1 -- teacher's lounge.
Since there is no lounge,
Mr. Belding will
provide his office
during odd periods
for teachers to relax.
Your office is so ugly,
they won't stay long.
Item 2 -- parking spaces.
Mr. Belding volunteers to give up
his space and park with the students.
This way, every teacher will be
one space closer to the school.
That's pretty good, huh?
Yeah!
Great!
Good one.
Absolutely not.
I refuse to ride that
smelly shuttle bus.
Don't worry. We'll
save you a window seat.
Finally, Mr. Belding
will use his annual bonus
to pay for the faculty
Christmas party.
You got to respect that.
Huh?
All right!
Yeah!
Wonderful!
That's right.
We accept.
The teachers are back
to work as of tomorrow!
Mr. Tuttle,
welcome back.
Well, are you ready
to bone up for the Bowl?
Test us.
I've got an itchy buzzer finger.
I'm glad the Academic
Bowl wasn't canceled.
So am I.
The hard work you've put in
will be the winning complement
to Screech's brainy energy.
Let's begin.
[blows nose loudly]
Screech, are you OK?
Oh, yeah, I'm fine.
[coughs]
Just a little head cold.
Ah-choo!
Mr. Screech, are you sure
you're feeling up to this?
Yes. Positive.
Ah-choo!
All right, let's begin.
Uh, question 1 --
what are the two
chief classes of nebulae?
[imitates buzzer]
Emissions and reflection.
Mr. Tuttle,
he's burning up.
Let's get him to the nurse.
Mr. Screech, I'm afraid your
Bowl practice is over for good.
Thanks, Mom.
[buzzer]
Here are your malts.
They're extra thick.
I hope you choke on them.
We didn't make Screech sick.
The dufus fell out a window.
You took the dufus skiing.
How many times should
we say we're sorry?
Say it again.
- We're sorry.
- We're sorry.
Not good enough.
Getting angry is not making
our situation any better.
With Screech in the hospital,
we should be finding
a replacement.
Maybe I can do it.
You have wrestling
practice every day.
Besides, whoever
replaces Screech
would have to study
right up until Bowl day.
Well, maybe it's a lost cause.
We should probably just forfeit.
Never. Canceled a perfectly good
teacher's strike for this stupid thing.
Nerd alert. It's
the Valley bowl team.
Lookee, lookee.
It's the Bayside
bowl team bimbos.
I guess you'll forfeit now
that you're Screechless.
We'll be there, Gladys,
and we won't be
dressed for a flood.
Hey, back off, lady.
My mom personally
selects my attire.
Save your breath, Earl.
You're dealing with people who
think quantum physics is a TV show.
Don't laugh too loud.
They're going to beat
the tape off your glasses.
If you're so confident,
you take Screech's place.
He couldn't speak and
buzz at the same time.
All right, scrambled
eggheads, you're on.
We're going to mop
the floor with you.
Get out of here.
All right, Screech,
I'm ready to learn.
Lisa and Jessie cover
English, Art, and History.
Tell me everything
about math and science.
OK, astrophysics--
first, think of astro,
the jetsons' dog.
Jetsons means jet propulsion,
with properties "a," "b," "c"...
See you real soon.
Oh, no. He died.
I'm back.
Let's move on to the planets.
OK.
Can you remember
the word "mvemjsunp"?
Mvemjsunp?
Mvemjsunp?
It's the name of the planets
according to their distance from the sun.
"M"--Mercury, "V"--Venus,
"E"...
"E"...
Ee-yai, ee-yai, oh.
Screech, Screech,
what's the rest of it?
♪ Old MacDonald
had a farm ♪♪
What?
It's too bad we couldn't
get Screech to coach Valley.
They'd be so confused,
we'd kill them.
Coaching the Valley team?
What an interesting concept.
Why did you ask us here,
muscle brain?
We're on a tight schedule.
OK, here's the deal.
I volunteered to take
Screech's place on the team.
They laughed and said,
"no jocks allowed."
Why does this concern us?
Now I want to help you guys win.
We don't need your help.
Without Screech,
they're dead meat.
Yeah? Screech is back.
Screech is back?
- Ooh.
- Ooh.
He's not actually back back.
Screech has taught Zack
everything he knows.
Everything?
Even thermonuclear
global time share?
Even advanced thermonuclear
global time share.
Uh-oh.
I smell trouble.
Don't sweat it.
I know their strategy.
They're planning to win
in the sports category.
We know all about sports.
Well, concentrate on football.
Zack's an expert.
Then we'll concentrate
on the pigskin.
That's the sport with helmets.
So they don't get hurt
falling off their horse.
Academic Bowlers,
in a moment the game will begin.
Remember -- winning
isn't everything,
but losing stinks.
Come on.
[all]
Go, Bayside!
Nerds buy our plan?
Touchdown.
Sorry I'm late, everyone.
I missed the campus shuttle bus.
Now you know why I'm
late every morning.
Welcome to the annual
Bayside-Valley Academic Bowl.
There are six categories.
The controlling team can pick any
subject within the given category.
Are you ready?
- Ready.
- Ready.
- You bet.
- You bet.
OK, opening question
for control of the board.
Category -- literature.
What was Mark Twain's real name?
Samuel Clemens.
Correct.
Next question --
category still literature.
In Grimm's fairy tale
Snow White,
what were the names
of the seven dwarfs?
Bashful, Doc, Dopey,
Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy, Sneezy.
Right.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, but that's wrong.
Now, nerds-- I mean,
Valley for control.
In Grimm's version
they had no names.
Later, Walt Disney named them.
That's correct for 15 points.
Name this duck-billed mammal.
Platypus.
Correct for 15 points.
Next question --
the bird that hides
its head in the sand...
Ostrich.
Is the ostrich.
How fast does it run?
50 miles an hour?
Correct.
When is this great plan
of yours going to start?
Patience, Jessie.
We've got them right
where we want them.
OK, contestants, final round.
Question value
doubles to 30 points.
Category is sports.
Bayside, choose the subject.
I think I'll pick football.
Ah, let's live dangerously.
Make it basketball.
What happened to football?
OK, first question --
name the famous
Los Angeles center
who holds the NBA's
career scoring record.
Um, it's that Kareem guy.
Kareem Abdul-Montana.
No. I'm sorry.
Bayside?
Is it Kareem Abdul-Jabbar?
Correct for 30 points.
Question 2 --
who is the Chicago Bull
that defies gravity?
That would be Air McMahon.
No, stupid. That's
the guy on Star Search.
Bayside.
I believe it's
Michael "Air" Jordan.
Correct. 30 more points.
If Bayside answers
the final question correctly,
they'll be tied.
Who invented basketball?
O.J. Simpson.
No, you idiot.
He's a football player.
OK, O.J. Chamberlain.
No. That is wrong
and ridiculous.
Bayside.
Here's a wild guess.
Is it James Naismith?
Correct.
We have a tie,
and now to break the tie,
a wild-card, tie-breaker,
tossup question.
Name the solar system's
nine planets,
starting with the closest
to the sun.
Uh, that would be mvemjsunp.
That's Mercury, Venus,
Earth, Mars,
Jupiter, Saturn,
Uranus, Neptune, and...
uh... Pluto?
Correct.
Bayside is
the Academic Bowl champion.
Good work, people.
Oh, thank you, sir.
Are you coming
to the victory party?
Sure.
Where is it?
It's in the new
teacher's lounge.
That's my office.
You'll wreck everything.
If it's a good party we will.
Solidarity, brother.