Saved by the Bell (1989–1992): Season 2, Episode 6 - Blind Dates - full transcript

(bell rings)

♪ When I wake up in the morning
and the alarm gives out a warning ♪

♪ I don't think I'll ever
make it on time ♪

♪ By the time I grab my books
and I give myself a look ♪

♪ I'm at the corner just in time
to see the bus fly by ♪

♪ It's all right ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the bell ♪

♪ If the teacher pops a test
I know I'm in a mess ♪

♪ And my dog ate
all my homework last night ♪

♪ Ridin' low on my chair,
she won't know that I'm there ♪

♪ If I can hand it in tomorrow
it will be all right ♪



♪ It's all right ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the bell... ♪

♪ It's all right,
'cause I'm saved by the-- ♪

♪ It's all right, 'cause I'm saved
by the-- ♪

♪ It's all right,
'cause I'm saved by the bell ♪

(slurping)

Hi. I just got detention.
Again.

You know, I'm the only kid
on "America's Most Wanted"?

Hey, but nothing can ruin my day
because I'm Kelly's date

for her birthday party
Saturday night.

So who are you
going to the party with?

Can't you two go to the party
without a date?

Slater, I don't go
to the supermarket without a date.

Come on, Lisa. Slater's right.
I mean, this is the '90s.



Men and women can
go to parties alone

and it's perfectly acceptable.

Yeah. Of course,
when a guy goes alone,

it's because he wants to.
Now when a girl goes alone,

it's because she can't
get a guy to take her.

Please, I just ate.

Hey, Jessie, when you
do that feminist thing,

your nose scrunches up
and you look so cute.

- We're he-re!
- Who ca-res?

So who's got their dates
for Saturday night?

- We're working on it.
- Hey, I've got mine.

(bell rings)

- We've got gym, see you later.
- All righty.

Well, Slater, these are
the good old days.

Yeah, well, enjoy it
while you can, Preppie,

because I'm going to get
Kelly back someday.

Hi, my niece is in town--

Excuse me. Would you like to go out
with my niece Friday night?

Guys?
Guys, I got a problem.

Just wear a hat, sir.

Slater, my niece Penny
is visiting,

and I need someone
to show the girl around.

- What's she look like?
- She's a Belding.

I'll catch you later, ma'am.
I mean, sir.

Mr. Belding,
the word on the street

is you're looking for a mercy date
for your niece. I'll date anything.

If I can't find anybody else,
you'll be the first person I call.

Thanks.
I'll wear a beeper.

- Yes?
- Oh.

Here, you need to sign this.

Another afternoon
in detention hall.

- Number nine in a series.
- No, I think that's number eight.

No, number eight was when you
sold the school to the Japanese.

What's wrong
with Honda High School?

So this makes nine, and 10 is...

- Don't say it, sir.
- That's right, suspension!

It's gonna happen, Morris.

Not until cows give Pepsi, sir.

Jessie, I have got
the perfect date for you.

- He's my next door neighbor.
- You live next to Kevin Costner?

No, but this guy is almost as cute,
not nearly as married.

- Talk to me, girl.
- His name is Brett, and--

- (bell rings)
- Watch it. Mr. Hudson.

Right.

Silence!
Take your seats!

You're on my time now.
No talking, no gum chewing,

no fun of any...

...kind.

Yesterday, for those of you
who slept through class,

we spoke about genes.

Now there are
two types of genes,

dominant genes,

and recessive genes.

Not to be confused
with blue jeans.

Enough humor.

Now, if the father
passes along--

Mr. Morris!

Is that a note you're taking?

Uh...

Yes, sir.
I'm taking notes.

Good.
Then you'll know this.

If the father passes along
a brown-eyed gene,

and the mother passes along
a blue-eyed gene, what do you get?

- Uh...
- Look at your notes.

"A really cute babe
with brown eyes

who goes to private school."

- Watch it.
- Watching, sir.

Now suppose we have a boy
and we don't know his blood type.

Now if the mother is O
and the father is AB,

what would you
think about the boy?

Mr. Morris!

Read.

"I won't go out with him
unless I meet him first."

Very level-headed.
And you know,

they need level-headed people...

in detention hall!

Oh, no! Oh, sir!

You are the cream of Bayside.

The upper crust.
The tip of the top.

I need a date for
my niece Friday night.

She an oinker or what?

No, she's not an oinker.

Sorry, I'm in training for the next
chess tournament.

- So?
- So...

Coach says women
sap your strength.

- All right, what about you?
- Uh, well, I can't.

I'm busy all weekend.
I'm sorting my M&M's out by color.

I am in no mood for--

The 10th detention slip?

Let me hold it!

Women:
♪ Hallelujah! ♪

♪ Hallelujah,
Hallelujah! ♪

♪ Hallelujah! ♪

One week suspension, Morris.

I'm a happy camper.
(laughs)

(intercom buzzes)

Yes?
Okay.

Hi, honey.

Well, no, I tried,
but I couldn't--

Look, I cannot just force
anybody to go out with Penny.

Until now.

Zack...

I'm going to give
you another chance.

You are sir?
I don't know what to say.

I do. Say,

"What time should I pick up
your niece Friday night?"

Mr. Belding,
that's blackmail.

Yeah.

What's your parents'
number again?

Oh, you mean this Friday night?
For two hours.

- Three hours, not a minute less.
- Then it's your treat, $20.

- $20?
- Cash.

Three hours, Friday night, $18.

- 20.
- Deal.

I'm sorry you had to see that.

I'm sorry I had to live that.

Now I'm stuck wasting
a Friday night

with Mr. Belding's niece.

- Hey.
- Hi.

- You don't look so good.
- I've been better.

Don't you get sick for my party.

Don't worry.
I'll be fine before Saturday.

Saturday? I didn't tell you.
The Max was booked,

so the party got
moved to Friday. See ya.

Friday?

Whoops.

What happened to you?

Skateboard accident, sir.

No, no, my doctor says I'll recover,
but, you know, no cliff diving,

no lambada--
oh, and absolutely no dating.

Nice try. But you pulled
the old skateboard accident

last year at midterms.

- I did?
- Mm-hmm.

Man, I got
to keep better records.

But if you're too banged up to go,
well, then you're suspended again.

Oh, I-- I'm healed!

Oh, you-- you are
one great principal, sir.

Spare me. Penny will meet
you at the mall at 7:00.

Why at the mall?

'Cause I don't want you
to know where I live.

That's understandable, sir.
Now, how will I recognize Penny?

You won't. She'll recognize you
by the red rose you'll be carrying.

Now I told her all about you,

so don't try
any of that funny stuff.

Don't forget the rose,
because without that,

she won't know who you are.

She wouldn't, would she?

Everybody likes him.
He's good looking,

funny, nice, studious...

Up until studious I thought
you were talking about Zack.

No, it's Brett.
Jesse's blind date.

Potential blind date.

Jessie, take a chance.
How bad could it be?

Right, how bad could it be?

Yeah, how bad could it be?

Welcome to America's favorite show,
"The Blind Date Game."

(cheering)

Today, a lucky girl
will win a blind date

with one of these
eligible bachelors.

Bachelor number one is
a night person who loves to laugh.

His name is Teddy Krueger!

Bachelor number two
is a real cut-up

whose relationships
with girls are always short.

Say hi to Mason Voorhees.

Our third bachelor is
the richest kid in the world.

Welcome, Donald Chump.

Now let's meet a wonderful girl
who can't get a date.

Desperate Jessie, come on out!

Well, Jessie, who will it be?

Don't make me choose.

Then you get all of them!

No! No!

No!

Jessie, are you okay?

Lisa, if you want me
to go out with Brett,

I meet him first
and that is final.

Fine, you can meet him
for lunch tomorrow.

- Are you nervous?
- Why would I be nervous?

I'm just a person meeting
another person. No big deal.

Great, 'cause there he is.

Do I look all right?
Is my hair behaving itself?

Your hair is fine.
Let's go.

- Oh, hi.
- You don't have to get up.

This is Jessie.
This is Brett. Goodbye.

- Hi.
- Hi, Jessie.

So, um...

Lisa says you
go to private school?

Yeah. Teachers are
real nice there,

but some of the kids
are kind of rich and stuck-up.

- Oh, you mean you're not.
- Stuck up?

- Rich?
- Actually, neither.

Both my parents work
just to pay my tuition.

Really?
That's so nice.

Do your parents work?

Oh, yeah, but they're divorced.

That's too bad.
You know, my friend Steve,

his parents just got divorced
and he's really hurting.

You know, I try to make
a little more time for him.

I guess that's what
friends are for.

Would you go with me
to Kelly's party Friday night?

Oh, wow.

I'd love to.

- And how are we here?
- Great.

Jessie just invited me
to a party Friday night.

(romantic music plays)

Whew, is it warm in here,
or is it me?

It's you.

I-- I have to go back
to the school.

I'll see you Friday night?

- Be there.
- Great.

Bye.

Was that Brett?
He's adorable.

- He's nice.
- He's a shrimp.

- So he's kind of short.
- And I'm kind of tall.

And when you put us together
we look kind of stupid.

- But I thought you liked him.
- I liked him sitting down.

The date is off.

All right, look, Screech,
I have a problem.

If I don't take Belding's niece
out Friday night,

I get suspended. But Friday night
is Kelly's birthday party,

and if I show up with a date,
she'll dump me.

Yeah, I'd scratch your eyes out.

Come here. Look,
I'm going to do you a favor.

Last time you did me a favor
I ended up naked on a bus.

You had a window seat.
Right?

Look, Friday night you're going out
with Belding's niece.

- I am?
- Yeah. All you need to do

is pretend you're me. That way I
keep Kelly and don't get suspended.

Do I look that desperate
for a date?

- What time do I pick her up?
- Right, that's my Screech.

Everything's going
to work out perfectly.

It's incredible what you can hear
standing on a toilet.

That's it, that's it.

Hey, you're doing great,
Screech.

- Just call me Zack.
- All right now, the jacket.

One, two...

three...
and shoulder!

Now the stance.

- How's that?
- Hey, keep smiling.

All right,
now for the big finish.

You want to open the door
for her with style.

Watch me.

Ooh.

Go ahead.
You try.

Ahem!
Come on.

Screech!
Watch out for the...

- (thuds)
- Ooh, aah!

...stairs!

Lisa, what are you doing
after school today?

Oh, I'm going
to my father's country club.

Gee, Kelly, I would
invite you but I can't.

- Well, why not?
- New rules. Rich people only.

- Oh, I understand.
- Well, I don't.

Lisa, you would hurt
someone you like

because of something
they have no control over?

That's exactly the kind
of small-minded, ignorant thing...

...that I'm doing to Brett
because he's short.

- Good acting, Lisa.
- Thank you, Kelly.

I think we made our point
quite nicely.

You did.
I'm going with Brett.

Good. Let's go to the mall
and pick up some high heels.

High heels?
I'm already too tall.

They're not for you.
They're for Brett.

See you at the party tonight.

Kelly, I can't come.
Occupado with a babe.

- Penny Belding.
- Why don't you bring her?

Sorry, Kelly, I can't.

I'm going to the movies tonight
with my new fox.

The lights low, the hopes high,

the Gummi Bears
flowing like candy.

It's magical!

We'll miss you,
but have a good time. Bye, guys.

Slater: Bye!

Wow. Didn't you see
the pain in her eyes?

I thought that was mascara?

Oh, no.
It was pain.

Pain from not having one
of her best friends at her party.

- You!
- You who?

Oh, you-me.
Get out of here.

No, Screech, it's true.

Why don't you go to the movie
and come to the party afterward.

It would mean a lot to Kelly.

- You really think so?
- Trust me.

If you and Penny Belding
show up,

this will be a birthday
that Kelly will never forget.

- I'll do it.
- I love it.

Are you sure you
don't want to dance?

Oh, no thanks.
I'm a bad dancer.

Lisa thinks you're
a great dancer.

She also thinks Arsenio Hall
is where the Lakers play.

Dateless, Slater?

For now.
Enjoy it while you can, Preppie.

Forget it, Slater.
Tonight is perfect

and there's nothing
you can do about it.

Not me -- him.

Lisa, this is Penny Belding.

Penny, Lisa -- my ex.

How'd you ever let this
stud muffin get away?

She's kidding, right?
What's with the hair?

It's something new.
Do you like it?

Does the word barf
mean anything to you?

Yeah.

Nice meeting you, Penny.

That poor girl.
I think she still likes you, Zack.

Oh, she'll get over me.
In a few years!

Uh, Zack?
Could we talk?

Not now.
I'm busy with--

actually, now would be good.

What are you doing here?

Well, I didn't want
to ruin the party.

If you stay,
you're going to ruin my life.

And what's with the wig?

It gives me that extra
bit of Zackosity.

I'm going to kick your "Zackosity"

if you don't take Penny
and get lost.

Hi.

- Who was that?
- That's my best friend, Screech.

I think he's kind of rude, Zack.

Yeah, he's a dweeb.

If you don't want to dance,
would you mind if I asked Lisa?

Sure, go ahead.
Please go.

Want to dance?

How's it going?

Not good. Jesse's still
hung up on this height thing.

Be right back.
Don't dance away.

Let's talk.
Dance with me.

Will you wake up, Jessie?

You're about to blow it
with a great guy.

- I can't help it.
- Yes, you can.

- You want to dance?
- We are dancing.

Oh, right.

(soft music plays)

I have an idea.

Does this make you feel better?

No, it makes me feel stupid.

Oh.

I thought this would
make you feel stupid.

I'm sorry, Brett.
I've acted like a real jerk.

Well, Jessie, I am short.

Yeah, but I'm the one
who has to grow up.

Can you ever forgive me?

You're forgiven, beanpole.

Thanks, shorty.

Zack needs to see
you right away. Okay.

- Be right back, honeybunny.
- Okay.

- Hi, I'm Slater.
- I'm Penny Belding.

Hey, Penny,
you see that girl over there?

That's Kelly.
It's her birthday.

- That's Kelly?
- Yeah, right.

Okay, now.
Her and Zack, they're real close.

I mean, they're like
brother and sister.

And it would be
a great birthday present

if she heard that you and Zack
were having a good time together.

- Oh, okay.
- Come on.

Hey, Kelly,
this is Penny Belding.

- Hi, I'm glad you could come.
- Yeah, me too.

Me three. Why don't you two
get to know each other?

Have fun.
Talk.

Are you having a good time?

Oh, yeah. I've met some
great people tonight.

Especially Zack.

Yeah, Zack is nice, isn't he?

Oh, yeah. We've had
a terrific time together.

You have?

Yeah, but we're going
to be leaving in a minute.

You and Zack?

He's so hot.
He makes my teeth sweat.

But what about Screech?

He's okay,
if you like that type.

Zack and I are going back
to my uncle's house.

He won't be home for awhile,
if you know what I mean.

Yes, I know what you mean,

you... you...
un-nice girl!

All right, what a party!

Zack, come on,
let's get out of here.

These girls are crazy about you,
and who can blame them, my hunk.

Yeah, babe, I got the goods.

Okay, Zack number one.

Excuse me.

What's going on?

Well...

you know how Screech always
wanted to be like me?

Zack!
Tell me. Now.

Would you believe we're on
"Totally Hidden Videos"?

This is good.

Did you tell Belding
you'd go out with his niece?

Yeah, I did.

Zack Morris, I will never forget
this birthday as long as I live.

- I should be furious.
- Go with the feeling.

I don't know anyone else
who would go to all this trouble

just to make me happy.
Thanks, Zack.

Hey...
I knew you'd like it.

Ooh.

(instrumental theme music plays)