Saved by the Bell (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Pilot - full transcript
[sweeping orchestral music]
- California is my home,
from the majestic slopes
of Lake Tahoe
to the less cool slopes
of Big Bear
to the awesome beaches
of Malibu.
I love it here,
and I have served
this beautiful state
for the past three years.
- Hey, Governor Zack.
You saved my life out there!
And those tax cuts really
resuscitated my bank account.
How can I ever repay you?
- No need.
Just doing my job.
California
is where my story began.
I grew up in the Palisades.
I married my high school
sweetheart, Kelly
and became a successful
trial attorney
who always fought
for what was cool.
My calling to politics
came later.
As part of a scheme
to get out of paying
a $75 parking ticket,
I decided to run for governor,
and I won!
But it hasn't always
been easy.
I've had to make
some tough decisions--
decisions that have kept me
and my still smokin' hot wife,
Kelly, awake at night.
- As governor, my husband
had to cut $10 billion
in education spending.
And yes, that led to
some school closures.
But it also led to
reduced loan rates
for small businesses
and a bailout
for the fossil fuel industry.
And as a busy mom,
that's important to me.
Wait, Zack, I can't say that.
- But I believe
in public education.
Kelly and I both attended
Bayside High,
and we sent our son,
Mac Morris, there as well.
School should be
an awesome experience,
a time for kids
to evade math homework
and torment their principal
with no consequences.
That's what I had
and what I'm fighting for
for every student
in California.
We will figure this out
together.
I'm Governor Zack,
and I approve this message.
[triumphant end chords]
- Hey! I figured it out.
How about give us
the $10 billion back?
- It's wild, Aisha.
It's like he doesn't get
how crappy
half the schools
in California are.
What world is he living in?
[lively synth rock]
- Ah, Bayside.
Hey, girls, you wanna
go skinny dipping tonight?
I just flooded the gym.
[girls chuckle]
Now, that's what I call
a double date.
- Hey, Mac!
- Hey, Jamie!
You ready for the big game
against Valley this weekend?
- I wish.
Coach says I have to
pass my geography test,
or I can't play.
- Why is your book
upside-down?
- I'm reading about
Australia.
- [sighs]
You think you got problems?
I accidentally planned
my birthday party
on the same night as
my parents' anniversary party.
- Okay, Lexi, hundred bucks
says you can't make them
divorce before Saturday.
- Oh, you're on, Preppy.
[school bell rings]
- Oh. Well.
Time to go to class.
- Ugh. Don't remind me.
We're climbing the rope
in gym today.
- Oh, I wouldn't be so sure
about that.
[Toddman panting]
- Mac Morris,
did you flood the gym again?
The volleyball team
floated away!
Linda, call the Coast Guard!
[all laugh]
- Sorry, Principal Toddman!
Man, I love this school!
[school bell rings]
- * When I wake up
in the mornin' *
* Alarm gives out a warnin' *
* I don't think
I'll ever make it on time *
[school bell ringing]
* By the time I
grab my books *
* And I give myself a look *
* I'm at the corner
just in time *
* It's all right,
it's all right *
* Saved by the bell,
it's all right *
* It's all right,
saved by the bell *
* It's all right *
* 'Cause I'm saved
by the bell *
[school bell ringing]
[soft percussive music]
- Good morning,
teachers and students.
I know Douglas High
isn't perfect.
The truth is,
this place was struggling
even before the governor's
latest budget cuts.
But I love this school,
and I know I can make it
a better place.
- * Pick it up *
* Pick it up, pick it up,
pick it up *
* Pick it up, pick it up *
-Mm.
I'm sorry, can you
turn that off, please?
- No problem.
[ringtone stops]
Hello?
No, yeah, I can talk.
What up, man?
- Um, that's why I'm running
for this year's
Sophomore Class President.
'Cause it's not too late
for Douglas High.
It's not too late
for any of us--
- Sorry, kids!
School's shut down.
- What?
- Wow, they shutting down
the school.
- Yeah, unfortunately,
this isn't
a high school anymore.
I mean, the state
will probably rent it out
so that TV shows about
high schools can shoot here,
but it's not an actual
high school anymore.
Uh, no need to panic.
You can learn everything
you need on the internet.
Take it all.
- No--
- Watch your step.
[overlapping chatter]
- Governor Zack!
- Governor Zack!
- Uh, hey.
[chuckles] What's up?
- You have provided no plan
for the students
affected by
your disastrous education cuts.
- Mm-hmm, that is
a great point--thank you.
- Where do you propose
these students go?
To other underfunded schools
that don't have the resources
to handle the kids
they already have?
- Look, I didn't want to
close the schools.
I feel terrible for these kids!
To be honest, I needed
to balance the budget.
I didn't know how.
I just Googled
what they did last year,
and I did it again!
[laughs]
Come on, like, none of you guys
have made
a $10 billion mistake before?
all: Boo!
- Ah, guys, guys,
come on, come on,
I know I can fix this.
I believe in public education.
I went to public school.
My son is a student
at Bayside High,
and just the other night,
when I was tucking him in,
he asked me, "Papa, why--"
- Maybe they should go there.
- Hmm?
- Maybe the students
whose schools you closed
should be sent to schools
in high property tax areas
like Bayside.
- [laughs]
Well.
It's a little more complicated
than that.
- That's actually a great idea.
- Is it?
- Sounds really fair.
Maybe you should
be the governor!
- Me? Yeah, right.
- I don't think
he should be governor.
- I mean, I was
a political science major.
- Yeah, okay, okay, hey.
Yes, that is a good plan.
So I promise that all students
affected by the shutdown
will be sent to schools
in well-funded districts,
including Bayside!
- There you go!
[overlapping chatter]
- Yeah. Governor.
- So you're saying
my daughter's
gonna have to take
a two-hour bus ride
just to get to school
every morning?
- Yes, but I'm told the buses
will be equipped
with a modest selection
of discarded magazines.
- And we don't
know these people!
How can we be sure
that Bayside's
gonna be a safe,
welcoming environment
for our kids?
- It'll be fine!
Who doesn't love kids?
- They gather together!
They loiter!
I'm just saying,
how do we know
we can trust them?
[crowd murmurs in agreement]
- Look, these concerns
about a criminal element
are unwarranted and offensive,
and for the record, sir,
you are currently on probation
for embezzling money
from a nursing home.
- Hi, Jade Huntington-Snell,
Tanner's mom.
I just wanna say
that my husband and I
are involved in a number
of inner city youth charities,
so we are really excited
about the new students.
- Yes, as am I,
and I think the thing
we're losing sight of
is that these are kids,
good, bright kids
just like yours,
whom the system has failed.
- Couldn't agree more.
That said,
I read a Facebook article
about an underground sex cult
where the kids snort Baby Yoda
and worship
the YouTube demon Momo.
What are you gonna do
to stop this?
- I can assure you,
we have a zero tolerance policy
when it comes to whatever it is
you're talking about.
Now, if there are
no other questions...
all right,
I'm gonna hand this over
to our school counselor.
In addition to her work
at Bayside,
she's written
over a dozen bestsellers,
including her parenting how-to,
"I'm So Excited,
I'm So Scared...
Of Becoming a Parent."
[chuckles]
Ladies and gentlemen,
Dr. Jessica Spano.
- Thank you, Ron.
Now, I know
you're all concerned
about the changes coming
to Bayside, and I get it.
As many of you know,
my son Jamie
is a student here as well.
Of course,
I want what's best for him,
but Douglas students' parents
feel the same.
And that's why
I've devised a system
to help ease the transition.
Each new student will be paired
with a current student or...
"Bayside buddy"
to help them acclimate.
- And so the current students
can keep an eye on them.
- Yes.
both: No!
[smooth rock music]
- Hey, nice job up there,
Mama.
Sorry, I know we had
the HR meeting about this.
Dr. Mama.
- That's not
what we settled on.
- So where's your husband?
Laying in front of a bulldozer,
saving some female frogs
or whatever?
- How dare you.
René drank some essential oils
and has been vomiting.
- Cool.
- What are you even doing here?
You never come to PTA meetings.
- Excuse me if I want
to stay informed
about potential changes
that could affect my students.
The hot dog
I was cooking for dinner
exploded in my microwave,
and I knew
they'd have these little donuts
I liked.
- Right.
Slater, I'm really worried
about this year.
I just hope
we can make a safe space
for these new students.
- Yeah.
But I'm also kinda excited.
The Douglas football team
went 6 and 2 last year.
The only thing our team
has ever won
is when the guys did
the "Pitch Perfect" cup song
in the talent show.
- Bayside has plenty
of talented athletes.
What about my son, Jamie?
- [laughs]
[clears throat]
Oh, you're, uh, you're serious.
Yeah, Jamie is--uh--
oh look, here comes Ron!
Whassup, Ron?
- I'll tell you "whassup,"
Slater,
these parents
are driving me crazy!
Why is everything my fault?
Don't they know
I'm completely powerless?
I asked the superintendent
for a chair
that doesn't have
"little bitch" carved into it.
He said,
"We'll look into it...
little bitch!"
He's gonna call me.
[upbeat rock music]
- So, you excited
for the first day of school?
- Girl, no.
Douglas sucked, but at least
we knew all the tricks.
Don't eat the meatloaf.
Don't get into a fight
with No-Eyebrows Stacey.
Is it weird that
I kind of miss her?
I wonder who
she's choking out these days.
- Well, I'm excited.
Going to Bayside
is gonna change our lives.
I got it all planned out.
- Hey, where the dick
is this school?
Why is the bus stop 100 miles
away from the building?
- I guess most
of the kids drive?
Damn, look at
all these fancy cars.
It's like a poster
in my little brother's room.
- Why is everybody so rich?
It's a public school.
- Oh, no, look,
there's a couple crappy ones.
- Ah. [chuckles]
That's the teachers' lot.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
Come on.
* *
Daisy!
* *
- Oh, wow.
It's so nice here.
It's almost messed up
how nice it is.
Like, I knew
it wouldn't have graffiti,
but I think that's a Banksy.
Aisha.
Aisha, are you even
listening to me?
- No, no, not at all.
That is the hottest man
I have ever seen.
Oh, my God, he's coming.
Shut up, shut up!
- Hi, um...do either of you
know Aisha?
I'm her Bayside Buddy.
- Yeah, I'm Aisha.
It's great to meet you.
This is--don't remember.
- I'm Jamie Spano.
- Hey.
Maybe you know my buddy.
Somebody named...Mac Morris?
- Damn it, Lexi!
- Ah, Mac.
There he is.
- Yeah, okay, I'm sorry, Mac,
but I got the parking space
fair and square.
- Uh, I wouldn't
call that fair.
You drugged my toothpaste
and I woke up at Six Flags.
Once I'm there,
I'm not just gonna leave!
This means war, Lexi.
Parking spot war.
- Oh, you're on, Preppy.
Yeah.
I will rob you of your sanity
and lovingly nurse you
back to health,
only to destroy you again.
Good luck!
[chuckles]
Girls?
[all snap fingers]
- Hi, uh, are you Mac?
I think
you're my Bayside Buddy.
You're supposed
to show me around.
- Oh, awesome!
Hey.
Would you be able to lay down
in a parking spot overnight
so my frenemy
can't park in it tomorrow?
- [laughs]
[record scratch]
Time out.
What did that blond fool
just say to me?
[upbeat synth music]
* *
- This is The Max.
It's where we like to hang out
after school.
Also before and during.
- Wait, so you guys go
to a sit-down restaurant
every day?
Isn't that expensive?
- Yeah!
Oh, look.
There's the gang.
- [chuckles]
- Hey, Aisha.
And DeVante.
What are you doing here?
- Well, Lexi's my buddy, and
she thought it might be nice
for us to get the chance
to know each other.
- Mm-hmm.
- And I thought
it would be nice for her
to give me 50 bucks, so...
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- So, DeVante,
what TV do you watch?
Have you seen my reality show,
"Becoming Lexi,
Colon, I Am Me?"
- It's about Lexi's life,
being transgender,
her journey of self-discovery,
and the hot friends
who support her.
- Yeah, if you watch it,
I'm in episode 204:
"The Big Game."
At the end,
I score the losing touchdown!
- [laughs] I didn't know
you played football, Jamie.
- Really?
'Cause he's literally been
holding a football all day.
- Huh?
Oh!
- You know, Aisha used to play
back at Douglas.
- You did?
Like, on the boys' team?
- Uh, I mean, I didn't want to,
but they cut the girls'
athletic program.
- But how could there
not be sports for girls?
That's like, illegal.
- Why didn't
your parents complain?
- Or hold a fundraiser
where they let Rita Wilson sing
because that means
Tom Hanks has to come.
- Okay, this place is weird.
- What do you mean?
- Hope you're hungry
for...magic!
- Yeah!
- Every time!
- Oh!
- Damn, I love magic!
[upbeat music]
- Dog, I'm telling you, man,
this school is wild.
Like, they got
beach volleyball,
and then a different club
called "Beach Volleyball
(Resort Sand)."
No cap, and there's
more people signed up
for the
"Artisanal Bath Bomb Club"
than football.
- Did someone say,
"Football"?
- Barely!
- You know, uh,
tryouts are tomorrow
if you're interested.
- Nah, I'm good.
- Hey, you don't have
to do that with me, man.
I get where you're coming from.
- I'm coming from the bathroom.
You don't know me.
- Know you?
I was you.
My dad was in the Army,
and I bounced around
from school to school.
When I transferred to Bayside,
I had no friends,
and an "I don't give a frig"
attitude.
By the way, I'm saying "frig"
'cause I'm still at work,
but after 3:00 p.m.,
I use the real word.
- Cool.
- But this place is magic.
This is where I met friends
and finally felt
like I belonged.
And, you know, football
was a big part of that.
- Yeah, man, I mean,
that personal story
really brought my guard down.
By the way, what's my name?
- Hmm?
- No, I'm just saying, like,
you know me so well, right?
So...what's my name?
- Uh...
- Don't guess.
- No, I wasn't going to.
- Uh-oh.
[snorts]
My guard's going back up.
- Tony?
- And it's up.
- And I was gonna
go out with her,
but then this much hotter girl
asked me to go out.
Long story short,
I faked my own death
and hooked up
with the hot mortician.
- Look, I've loved all 87
of these stories,
but can you please just tell me
where I can get my textbooks?
- Yeah, we're here.
Bayside is 99% paperless,
so getting your books
is kind of a pain in the ass.
[device boops]
Ugh. That took forever.
- But what if I don't have
one of those?
What if I can't do a boop-boop?
- Don't have?
What is...
what is that?
[curious music]
- You were right.
Bayside sucks.
They won't let me take
any honors classes
'cause they said
the Douglas curriculum
doesn't meet their standards.
I know our school library
was just a Bible
and a bunch of army pamphlets,
but I'm as smart
as any kid here.
No. Smarter.
It's not fair.
- Yeah, it, uh...sucks.
- Wait.
Do you like it here?
- I'm sorry!
- Oh, my God!
- They just--
they have everything!
Fancy teachers,
money for sports,
and the cafeteria's sponsored
by Wolfgang Puck,
and he is here!
Is it so bad to want
to enjoy that?
- Are you actually enjoying it?
Or are you just dickmatized
by stupid Jamie?
Since when are you so shy
about how good you are
at football?
At Douglas,
you asked the coach
if you could play
without a helmet.
- Yeah, so they would know
it was Aisha
puttin' them numbers
on the scoreboard!
Girl, look, I know
that this school has problems,
but it's our first day.
- Exactly.
And it's already unfair!
If you don't have an iPad,
if you ride the bus,
if you're not one of them,
you're set up to fail.
We need someone to fight for us
who knows us.
That's why I have to be
student council president.
Now, more than ever.
- But you know your posters
have to be in by tomorrow.
- What? Who said?
- Uh, they sent out
a message about it
on the Bayside Student app.
- What the hell's
a Bayside Student app?
You see?
We're set up to fail.
You know, some of us
don't have smartphones
'cause their moms say
they're too expensive, and...
[speaking Spanish]
I hate this school.
And I hate this phone!
- Mr. Morris, get your feet
off my desk.
- Can I flip over your trashcan
and put 'em on that?
- No!
In general,
be less comfortable
in here!
What do you want?
- Lexi and I
are in a parking spot war,
but I was reading
the student manual,
and it gave me an idea.
What if you gave me your spot
and you Ubered from now on?
- Mr. Morris,
my car already is an Uber.
- Mr. Toddman.
- Hey, buddy.
- Hi.
Sir, I wanted to ask about
the student council elections.
Is it too late
to enter the race?
- No, not at all!
As long as your posters are up
before homeroom tomorrow.
- Oh, that's great.
Thank you.
- Oh, Daisy, I'm so pleased.
You know, I found a passage
you might be interested in.
I tell you, you Douglas kids
have given me
a sense of purpose
around here.
It's easy to get discouraged
in this job
when you're trying
to make a difference
but you feel like
you're talking to a brick wall.
[light music]
* *
- Hey!
You know how nervous I was
about today,
but I feel like we're off
to a great start
with the Douglas kids.
- Yeah, that's the kind
of start I'm off to as well.
[sniffs]
- Oh, no! What happened?
I made Jamie
some ants on a log.
Do you need a snack?
- I was trying to get this kid
from Douglas
to join the football team,
but I blew it.
- Mm.
- How do you get a kid
to listen to you?
- Slater.
If I knew that,
I'd be the greatest counselor
in the world,
and my son wouldn't have
named his dog "Porno."
- It's just,
I know how it feels
to be all alone
in a new school, and...
and trying to join in,
but you just don't know how.
- He told you all that?
- Not in...so many words.
- Look, we all want
these new kids
to feel welcome and succeed
at Bayside,
but it's not gonna work
if we don't get to know them,
and not just their names.
- Yeah. 'Cause I definitely
knew his name.
- How they feel,
what they think...
we have to stop trying
to get through to them
and let them get through to us.
It's our job to make space
for every kid at Bayside
so they become a healthy
and mature adult.
- Hey, Mom, can I get
my ants on a log
while you sing to me, please?
Is that them?
- I brought these.
[Daisy scoffs]
[buttons beeping]
[line trilling]
- Hey.
- Mom, I can't pick up Hector.
I gotta make posters
for the election.
- I'm sorry, mija.
There's no one
to switch with me.
- See, this is why
we need a home computer.
[Daisy's mother
speaking Spanish]
- [sighs]
Fine. Bye. I love you.
[upbeat rock music]
* *
- Can I get one "PJ Mask" book?
- No!
- God's gonna punish you
for not letting a child read.
- * I got my hair
slicked back *
* And my boots on *
- Let's go.
- * Eyeshadow too *
* I got my nails stuck on *
- Are you still open?
- For ten minutes.
So if you're thinking
of shipping a bulk item
that requires a specialty box
outside of continental U.S.,
do not darken my doorway, girl.
- Nope. Just printing
a couple pictures.
- [sighs]
This is boring!
- $21.86.
- Stupid overpriced
magician restaurant.
Okay, I have a little problem.
I only have a 10.00.
Wait! No! Listen.
I need these 'cause I'm running
for class president.
At a new school
where people like me
don't really have a voice.
But if I win,
maybe I can change all that.
So I'm asking you...Dean.
Do you want $21?
Or do you want to help me
change the--
- $21.
- Just give it to her.
She's a single mom.
- Yeah. Please.
Do it for my beautiful boy.
- You lucky
today's my birthday.
- Ooh! Happy birthday.
* *
- Hey, buddy.
- Wait, you're running
for president?
- Yeah, according
to the student manual,
class president
gets the parking spot
right in front of school.
- Which is even better
than the parking spot
we were previously
fighting over.
That's why I'm running as well.
- Wait, how did you
make all these so fast?
[together]
Do you not have a poster guy?
[phone rings]
- Oh.
Oh. LeBron must be here.
He said he'd come help me
hand out buttons.
- Ugh. Big deal.
I have a Kardashian
coming at lunch.
- Yeah? Who? Rob?
- Shut up!
He is still in their family.
- Hey, man.
No, you can wear your jersey.
I don't think it's thirsty.
[whispering]
He's so thirsty.
- It's okay.
I worked hard on my posters,
I'm still gonna
put up my posters.
[tense music]
Hey, where can I put up
my posters?!
- Hold on, Bron-Bron.
Did you not reserve wall space
on the Bayside Student app?
- Aw...
[Daisy screams]
[school bell rings]
- Hey, buddy.
- Hiya.
- You okay?
- Yeah.
[record scratch]
Don't start crying.
- Why were you
so upset earlier?
- I wasn't upset.
- Do you...
want to go to The Max and have
a dance contest about it?
- [voice breaks]
No.
[record scratch]
Oh, no, too late.
Look, I always believed
that if you worked hard enough,
anything was possible.
But being here
made me realize
that's only true
for kids like you.
- Hot kids?
- Privileged kids.
- Privileged kids...
- One of you will be
class president,
and you'll put it
on an application to a college
that your parents
already paid your way into.
The deck is stacked so high
in your favor
that people like me
never even had a chance.
And it's too bad,
'cause I would've been
a great president.
I actually want
to make the school better.
I want to go to Washington
for the Spring Break
Leadership Conference.
I want everyone's voices
to be heard.
But you don't.
You just want a parking space.
[school bell rings]
- [sighs]
Man, did you hear that?
- Yeah...
the president has to spend
spring break
at a leadership conference?
- I can't do that.
That's when I go
on spring break.
- I would literally die.
- We have to make this better.
- We have to make this right.
- Sorry, I thought you were
gonna say "better."
- I wasn't.
- Hey, man. Can we talk?
- Did you just sit backwards
in a chair?
Wow, I've never seen
anyone do that in real life.
- Look, I'm sorry
about yesterday.
And you're right.
I don't know you.
Honestly, I was just
looking out for myself.
It may seem like I'm a hot,
happening guy
who's got it all together--
- You're a gym teacher,
and I saw you
eating soup in your car.
- That was melted ice cream.
[sighs]
But...
the truth is, I need a win.
I'm a director
of an athletics program
that hasn't beaten Valley
in 15 years.
Anyway, I'm sorry...
and I wanna listen.
- Look, you're not
the first person
to look at me and ask
if I played football.
I can't do anything
without people
making assumptions about me.
I play football,
I'm up to no good,
I'm related to Montell Jordan--
which I am,
but it's through marriage.
The point is,
even if I wanted to join in,
it's not that simple.
- Man.
Back when I went to Bayside,
if you had a problem,
it could usually be fixed
with a vaguely
inspirational speech, but...
That doesn't seem like
it's gonna work here, huh?
- No.
- And you wouldn't want me
to try,
even if I thought of a good one
based on
what you told me, right?
- Well, technically,
it's not a white savior thing
because you're Mexican, so...
- Thank you!
No one ever talks about that.
Look, man.
You're never gonna be able
to control
what people assume about you,
so if there's something
you want to do here,
something that can
make you happy,
well, you might as well
just go for it
and let people assume
what they want.
- All right,
I'll keep that in mind.
Thanks, Coach.
- You're welcome, DeVante.
- That's not how
you pronounce my name.
I'm just messing with you.
That's a joke.
You did all right.
- You got me.
[low soft rock music]
* *
- Attention, please,
it is now time to hear
from our candidates
for sophomore class president.
Mr. Morris,
would you like to begin with--
ah! Stop!
[smack]
Ow! Ow!
[door slams shut]
- Good morning, Bayside.
I'm Mac Morris, and I believe
in the power of a good idea.
Like my idea that teachers
should randomly give you Fs
for no reason
and that we should get rid
of school dances
and use that money
to plant a weird tree.
Thank you.
[record scratch]
- Wait.
Is he trying to lose?
- And now, for our next
presidential candidate,
Daisy!
- [mouths word] What?
- Hi, Bayside!
I'm Daisy.
And I promise to get Lizzo
to perform at prom,
and the theme will be,
"Everybody Gets 50 Bucks."
- I don't know
who this Daisy girl is,
but she sounds great.
- Okay, wait.
They're lying.
I'm Daisy!
They're pretending to be me.
- In my Bayside, every lamp
will be a ring light
so no one will be an uggo.
- No, no!
That's not my platform.
I was running for president
'cause I wanted
to give people like me a voice,
and now
these white ding-a-lings
are literally
stealing my voice!
- So do you want us
to vote for Daisy or not?
- Well--I mean--
I want to be class president,
but not if it's--
- And God as my witness,
I vow that
each and every student
will get their own micro pig.
- Yes!
* *
- All right, everybody.
Line up.
- Hold up, Coach.
I think we got one more coming.
And that kid
looks tough as hell.
- Hey, Coach!
- Hey.
- [knocks on door]
- Daisy!
Hey, congratulations
on your win.
- Thanks, but...
I can't be class president.
I mean, I don't deserve it.
That wasn't me
giving the speech this morning.
- Oh, I know.
Mac and Lexi locked me
in a dark supply closet
so they could use the PA.
I was very scared.
But you don't have to bow out!
You did technically win!
- Yeah, but I wanted to win
the right way.
I wanted it to be fair.
- Oh.
Have a seat.
Listen, it was never
going to be fair.
Was it fair you only heard
about the election yesterday?
And Mac's campaign jingle
was written by Migos?
Was it fair these kids
were born in the Palisades
and you weren't?
Daisy!
The universe got one
right today.
You're here,
and you're the president.
And you certainly
proved to me...
that you deserved it.
- Where did you get those?
- Oh, I have a deal
with the janitor.
He just gives me
all the cool stuff
the kids throw out.
I got a Gucci hat
and a necklace.
That smells.
- Cool.
- Listen.
These kids...
they can be sheltered
and clueless.
But there's one thing
they get right.
They never feel guilty
about taking their seat
at the table.
And I know you deserve
a seat there too.
And if you don't take it,
Daisy...
how else are we gonna
make this place
a little more fair?
- Yeah.
Thanks, Principal Toddman.
* *
- Whassup?
I'm DeVante Young,
and I'm here to audition
for the musical.
- Mm-kay.
Whenever you are ready.
[clears throat]
- * I believe *
* The children are our future *
* Teach them well and let them
lead the way *
* Show them all the beauty
they possess *
* Inside *
* Give them a sense of pride *
* To make it easier *
* Let the children's laughter *
* Remind us how we used to be *
* I decided long ago *
* Never to walk
in anyone's shadow *
* If I fail, if I succeed *
* At least I lived
as I believed *
* No matter what
they take from me *
* They can't take away
my dignity *
* Because the greatest *
* Love of all
is happening to me *
* *
- Hey, buddy. Listen.
No need to thank us
for rigging the race.
- Yeah, all we ask in return
is that you give us
the president's parking spot.
- And we actually learned
a pretty important lesson
this week.
It's great to win,
but sometimes,
it's even better...
[together]
to share.
- Hm.
No.
both: What?
- I said no.
I'm the president,
and that parking space is mine.
- [scoffs]
Are you kidding me, brah?
- Okay, but you don't even
have a car.
What are you gonna use
a parking spot for?
- What is she doing?
- * Because the greatest *
* Love of all is happening
to me *
[vocalizing]
- First order of business.
I want to move the bus stop.
You know the president's
parking spot
right in front of the school?
I want to move it there.
- * I found the greatest *
* Love of all *
* Inside *
* Of *
* Me *
We good?
- Yeah.
- Cool.
[upbeat pop music]
* *
- * Don't need to tell you *
* What you already know *
* *
* Don't wanna hear you say *
* That you told me so *
* *
* Can't even argue *
* I wouldn't know
where to start *
* *
* How many letters *
* To spell a broken heart? *
* *
- California is my home,
from the majestic slopes
of Lake Tahoe
to the less cool slopes
of Big Bear
to the awesome beaches
of Malibu.
I love it here,
and I have served
this beautiful state
for the past three years.
- Hey, Governor Zack.
You saved my life out there!
And those tax cuts really
resuscitated my bank account.
How can I ever repay you?
- No need.
Just doing my job.
California
is where my story began.
I grew up in the Palisades.
I married my high school
sweetheart, Kelly
and became a successful
trial attorney
who always fought
for what was cool.
My calling to politics
came later.
As part of a scheme
to get out of paying
a $75 parking ticket,
I decided to run for governor,
and I won!
But it hasn't always
been easy.
I've had to make
some tough decisions--
decisions that have kept me
and my still smokin' hot wife,
Kelly, awake at night.
- As governor, my husband
had to cut $10 billion
in education spending.
And yes, that led to
some school closures.
But it also led to
reduced loan rates
for small businesses
and a bailout
for the fossil fuel industry.
And as a busy mom,
that's important to me.
Wait, Zack, I can't say that.
- But I believe
in public education.
Kelly and I both attended
Bayside High,
and we sent our son,
Mac Morris, there as well.
School should be
an awesome experience,
a time for kids
to evade math homework
and torment their principal
with no consequences.
That's what I had
and what I'm fighting for
for every student
in California.
We will figure this out
together.
I'm Governor Zack,
and I approve this message.
[triumphant end chords]
- Hey! I figured it out.
How about give us
the $10 billion back?
- It's wild, Aisha.
It's like he doesn't get
how crappy
half the schools
in California are.
What world is he living in?
[lively synth rock]
- Ah, Bayside.
Hey, girls, you wanna
go skinny dipping tonight?
I just flooded the gym.
[girls chuckle]
Now, that's what I call
a double date.
- Hey, Mac!
- Hey, Jamie!
You ready for the big game
against Valley this weekend?
- I wish.
Coach says I have to
pass my geography test,
or I can't play.
- Why is your book
upside-down?
- I'm reading about
Australia.
- [sighs]
You think you got problems?
I accidentally planned
my birthday party
on the same night as
my parents' anniversary party.
- Okay, Lexi, hundred bucks
says you can't make them
divorce before Saturday.
- Oh, you're on, Preppy.
[school bell rings]
- Oh. Well.
Time to go to class.
- Ugh. Don't remind me.
We're climbing the rope
in gym today.
- Oh, I wouldn't be so sure
about that.
[Toddman panting]
- Mac Morris,
did you flood the gym again?
The volleyball team
floated away!
Linda, call the Coast Guard!
[all laugh]
- Sorry, Principal Toddman!
Man, I love this school!
[school bell rings]
- * When I wake up
in the mornin' *
* Alarm gives out a warnin' *
* I don't think
I'll ever make it on time *
[school bell ringing]
* By the time I
grab my books *
* And I give myself a look *
* I'm at the corner
just in time *
* It's all right,
it's all right *
* Saved by the bell,
it's all right *
* It's all right,
saved by the bell *
* It's all right *
* 'Cause I'm saved
by the bell *
[school bell ringing]
[soft percussive music]
- Good morning,
teachers and students.
I know Douglas High
isn't perfect.
The truth is,
this place was struggling
even before the governor's
latest budget cuts.
But I love this school,
and I know I can make it
a better place.
- * Pick it up *
* Pick it up, pick it up,
pick it up *
* Pick it up, pick it up *
-Mm.
I'm sorry, can you
turn that off, please?
- No problem.
[ringtone stops]
Hello?
No, yeah, I can talk.
What up, man?
- Um, that's why I'm running
for this year's
Sophomore Class President.
'Cause it's not too late
for Douglas High.
It's not too late
for any of us--
- Sorry, kids!
School's shut down.
- What?
- Wow, they shutting down
the school.
- Yeah, unfortunately,
this isn't
a high school anymore.
I mean, the state
will probably rent it out
so that TV shows about
high schools can shoot here,
but it's not an actual
high school anymore.
Uh, no need to panic.
You can learn everything
you need on the internet.
Take it all.
- No--
- Watch your step.
[overlapping chatter]
- Governor Zack!
- Governor Zack!
- Uh, hey.
[chuckles] What's up?
- You have provided no plan
for the students
affected by
your disastrous education cuts.
- Mm-hmm, that is
a great point--thank you.
- Where do you propose
these students go?
To other underfunded schools
that don't have the resources
to handle the kids
they already have?
- Look, I didn't want to
close the schools.
I feel terrible for these kids!
To be honest, I needed
to balance the budget.
I didn't know how.
I just Googled
what they did last year,
and I did it again!
[laughs]
Come on, like, none of you guys
have made
a $10 billion mistake before?
all: Boo!
- Ah, guys, guys,
come on, come on,
I know I can fix this.
I believe in public education.
I went to public school.
My son is a student
at Bayside High,
and just the other night,
when I was tucking him in,
he asked me, "Papa, why--"
- Maybe they should go there.
- Hmm?
- Maybe the students
whose schools you closed
should be sent to schools
in high property tax areas
like Bayside.
- [laughs]
Well.
It's a little more complicated
than that.
- That's actually a great idea.
- Is it?
- Sounds really fair.
Maybe you should
be the governor!
- Me? Yeah, right.
- I don't think
he should be governor.
- I mean, I was
a political science major.
- Yeah, okay, okay, hey.
Yes, that is a good plan.
So I promise that all students
affected by the shutdown
will be sent to schools
in well-funded districts,
including Bayside!
- There you go!
[overlapping chatter]
- Yeah. Governor.
- So you're saying
my daughter's
gonna have to take
a two-hour bus ride
just to get to school
every morning?
- Yes, but I'm told the buses
will be equipped
with a modest selection
of discarded magazines.
- And we don't
know these people!
How can we be sure
that Bayside's
gonna be a safe,
welcoming environment
for our kids?
- It'll be fine!
Who doesn't love kids?
- They gather together!
They loiter!
I'm just saying,
how do we know
we can trust them?
[crowd murmurs in agreement]
- Look, these concerns
about a criminal element
are unwarranted and offensive,
and for the record, sir,
you are currently on probation
for embezzling money
from a nursing home.
- Hi, Jade Huntington-Snell,
Tanner's mom.
I just wanna say
that my husband and I
are involved in a number
of inner city youth charities,
so we are really excited
about the new students.
- Yes, as am I,
and I think the thing
we're losing sight of
is that these are kids,
good, bright kids
just like yours,
whom the system has failed.
- Couldn't agree more.
That said,
I read a Facebook article
about an underground sex cult
where the kids snort Baby Yoda
and worship
the YouTube demon Momo.
What are you gonna do
to stop this?
- I can assure you,
we have a zero tolerance policy
when it comes to whatever it is
you're talking about.
Now, if there are
no other questions...
all right,
I'm gonna hand this over
to our school counselor.
In addition to her work
at Bayside,
she's written
over a dozen bestsellers,
including her parenting how-to,
"I'm So Excited,
I'm So Scared...
Of Becoming a Parent."
[chuckles]
Ladies and gentlemen,
Dr. Jessica Spano.
- Thank you, Ron.
Now, I know
you're all concerned
about the changes coming
to Bayside, and I get it.
As many of you know,
my son Jamie
is a student here as well.
Of course,
I want what's best for him,
but Douglas students' parents
feel the same.
And that's why
I've devised a system
to help ease the transition.
Each new student will be paired
with a current student or...
"Bayside buddy"
to help them acclimate.
- And so the current students
can keep an eye on them.
- Yes.
both: No!
[smooth rock music]
- Hey, nice job up there,
Mama.
Sorry, I know we had
the HR meeting about this.
Dr. Mama.
- That's not
what we settled on.
- So where's your husband?
Laying in front of a bulldozer,
saving some female frogs
or whatever?
- How dare you.
René drank some essential oils
and has been vomiting.
- Cool.
- What are you even doing here?
You never come to PTA meetings.
- Excuse me if I want
to stay informed
about potential changes
that could affect my students.
The hot dog
I was cooking for dinner
exploded in my microwave,
and I knew
they'd have these little donuts
I liked.
- Right.
Slater, I'm really worried
about this year.
I just hope
we can make a safe space
for these new students.
- Yeah.
But I'm also kinda excited.
The Douglas football team
went 6 and 2 last year.
The only thing our team
has ever won
is when the guys did
the "Pitch Perfect" cup song
in the talent show.
- Bayside has plenty
of talented athletes.
What about my son, Jamie?
- [laughs]
[clears throat]
Oh, you're, uh, you're serious.
Yeah, Jamie is--uh--
oh look, here comes Ron!
Whassup, Ron?
- I'll tell you "whassup,"
Slater,
these parents
are driving me crazy!
Why is everything my fault?
Don't they know
I'm completely powerless?
I asked the superintendent
for a chair
that doesn't have
"little bitch" carved into it.
He said,
"We'll look into it...
little bitch!"
He's gonna call me.
[upbeat rock music]
- So, you excited
for the first day of school?
- Girl, no.
Douglas sucked, but at least
we knew all the tricks.
Don't eat the meatloaf.
Don't get into a fight
with No-Eyebrows Stacey.
Is it weird that
I kind of miss her?
I wonder who
she's choking out these days.
- Well, I'm excited.
Going to Bayside
is gonna change our lives.
I got it all planned out.
- Hey, where the dick
is this school?
Why is the bus stop 100 miles
away from the building?
- I guess most
of the kids drive?
Damn, look at
all these fancy cars.
It's like a poster
in my little brother's room.
- Why is everybody so rich?
It's a public school.
- Oh, no, look,
there's a couple crappy ones.
- Ah. [chuckles]
That's the teachers' lot.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
Come on.
* *
Daisy!
* *
- Oh, wow.
It's so nice here.
It's almost messed up
how nice it is.
Like, I knew
it wouldn't have graffiti,
but I think that's a Banksy.
Aisha.
Aisha, are you even
listening to me?
- No, no, not at all.
That is the hottest man
I have ever seen.
Oh, my God, he's coming.
Shut up, shut up!
- Hi, um...do either of you
know Aisha?
I'm her Bayside Buddy.
- Yeah, I'm Aisha.
It's great to meet you.
This is--don't remember.
- I'm Jamie Spano.
- Hey.
Maybe you know my buddy.
Somebody named...Mac Morris?
- Damn it, Lexi!
- Ah, Mac.
There he is.
- Yeah, okay, I'm sorry, Mac,
but I got the parking space
fair and square.
- Uh, I wouldn't
call that fair.
You drugged my toothpaste
and I woke up at Six Flags.
Once I'm there,
I'm not just gonna leave!
This means war, Lexi.
Parking spot war.
- Oh, you're on, Preppy.
Yeah.
I will rob you of your sanity
and lovingly nurse you
back to health,
only to destroy you again.
Good luck!
[chuckles]
Girls?
[all snap fingers]
- Hi, uh, are you Mac?
I think
you're my Bayside Buddy.
You're supposed
to show me around.
- Oh, awesome!
Hey.
Would you be able to lay down
in a parking spot overnight
so my frenemy
can't park in it tomorrow?
- [laughs]
[record scratch]
Time out.
What did that blond fool
just say to me?
[upbeat synth music]
* *
- This is The Max.
It's where we like to hang out
after school.
Also before and during.
- Wait, so you guys go
to a sit-down restaurant
every day?
Isn't that expensive?
- Yeah!
Oh, look.
There's the gang.
- [chuckles]
- Hey, Aisha.
And DeVante.
What are you doing here?
- Well, Lexi's my buddy, and
she thought it might be nice
for us to get the chance
to know each other.
- Mm-hmm.
- And I thought
it would be nice for her
to give me 50 bucks, so...
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- So, DeVante,
what TV do you watch?
Have you seen my reality show,
"Becoming Lexi,
Colon, I Am Me?"
- It's about Lexi's life,
being transgender,
her journey of self-discovery,
and the hot friends
who support her.
- Yeah, if you watch it,
I'm in episode 204:
"The Big Game."
At the end,
I score the losing touchdown!
- [laughs] I didn't know
you played football, Jamie.
- Really?
'Cause he's literally been
holding a football all day.
- Huh?
Oh!
- You know, Aisha used to play
back at Douglas.
- You did?
Like, on the boys' team?
- Uh, I mean, I didn't want to,
but they cut the girls'
athletic program.
- But how could there
not be sports for girls?
That's like, illegal.
- Why didn't
your parents complain?
- Or hold a fundraiser
where they let Rita Wilson sing
because that means
Tom Hanks has to come.
- Okay, this place is weird.
- What do you mean?
- Hope you're hungry
for...magic!
- Yeah!
- Every time!
- Oh!
- Damn, I love magic!
[upbeat music]
- Dog, I'm telling you, man,
this school is wild.
Like, they got
beach volleyball,
and then a different club
called "Beach Volleyball
(Resort Sand)."
No cap, and there's
more people signed up
for the
"Artisanal Bath Bomb Club"
than football.
- Did someone say,
"Football"?
- Barely!
- You know, uh,
tryouts are tomorrow
if you're interested.
- Nah, I'm good.
- Hey, you don't have
to do that with me, man.
I get where you're coming from.
- I'm coming from the bathroom.
You don't know me.
- Know you?
I was you.
My dad was in the Army,
and I bounced around
from school to school.
When I transferred to Bayside,
I had no friends,
and an "I don't give a frig"
attitude.
By the way, I'm saying "frig"
'cause I'm still at work,
but after 3:00 p.m.,
I use the real word.
- Cool.
- But this place is magic.
This is where I met friends
and finally felt
like I belonged.
And, you know, football
was a big part of that.
- Yeah, man, I mean,
that personal story
really brought my guard down.
By the way, what's my name?
- Hmm?
- No, I'm just saying, like,
you know me so well, right?
So...what's my name?
- Uh...
- Don't guess.
- No, I wasn't going to.
- Uh-oh.
[snorts]
My guard's going back up.
- Tony?
- And it's up.
- And I was gonna
go out with her,
but then this much hotter girl
asked me to go out.
Long story short,
I faked my own death
and hooked up
with the hot mortician.
- Look, I've loved all 87
of these stories,
but can you please just tell me
where I can get my textbooks?
- Yeah, we're here.
Bayside is 99% paperless,
so getting your books
is kind of a pain in the ass.
[device boops]
Ugh. That took forever.
- But what if I don't have
one of those?
What if I can't do a boop-boop?
- Don't have?
What is...
what is that?
[curious music]
- You were right.
Bayside sucks.
They won't let me take
any honors classes
'cause they said
the Douglas curriculum
doesn't meet their standards.
I know our school library
was just a Bible
and a bunch of army pamphlets,
but I'm as smart
as any kid here.
No. Smarter.
It's not fair.
- Yeah, it, uh...sucks.
- Wait.
Do you like it here?
- I'm sorry!
- Oh, my God!
- They just--
they have everything!
Fancy teachers,
money for sports,
and the cafeteria's sponsored
by Wolfgang Puck,
and he is here!
Is it so bad to want
to enjoy that?
- Are you actually enjoying it?
Or are you just dickmatized
by stupid Jamie?
Since when are you so shy
about how good you are
at football?
At Douglas,
you asked the coach
if you could play
without a helmet.
- Yeah, so they would know
it was Aisha
puttin' them numbers
on the scoreboard!
Girl, look, I know
that this school has problems,
but it's our first day.
- Exactly.
And it's already unfair!
If you don't have an iPad,
if you ride the bus,
if you're not one of them,
you're set up to fail.
We need someone to fight for us
who knows us.
That's why I have to be
student council president.
Now, more than ever.
- But you know your posters
have to be in by tomorrow.
- What? Who said?
- Uh, they sent out
a message about it
on the Bayside Student app.
- What the hell's
a Bayside Student app?
You see?
We're set up to fail.
You know, some of us
don't have smartphones
'cause their moms say
they're too expensive, and...
[speaking Spanish]
I hate this school.
And I hate this phone!
- Mr. Morris, get your feet
off my desk.
- Can I flip over your trashcan
and put 'em on that?
- No!
In general,
be less comfortable
in here!
What do you want?
- Lexi and I
are in a parking spot war,
but I was reading
the student manual,
and it gave me an idea.
What if you gave me your spot
and you Ubered from now on?
- Mr. Morris,
my car already is an Uber.
- Mr. Toddman.
- Hey, buddy.
- Hi.
Sir, I wanted to ask about
the student council elections.
Is it too late
to enter the race?
- No, not at all!
As long as your posters are up
before homeroom tomorrow.
- Oh, that's great.
Thank you.
- Oh, Daisy, I'm so pleased.
You know, I found a passage
you might be interested in.
I tell you, you Douglas kids
have given me
a sense of purpose
around here.
It's easy to get discouraged
in this job
when you're trying
to make a difference
but you feel like
you're talking to a brick wall.
[light music]
* *
- Hey!
You know how nervous I was
about today,
but I feel like we're off
to a great start
with the Douglas kids.
- Yeah, that's the kind
of start I'm off to as well.
[sniffs]
- Oh, no! What happened?
I made Jamie
some ants on a log.
Do you need a snack?
- I was trying to get this kid
from Douglas
to join the football team,
but I blew it.
- Mm.
- How do you get a kid
to listen to you?
- Slater.
If I knew that,
I'd be the greatest counselor
in the world,
and my son wouldn't have
named his dog "Porno."
- It's just,
I know how it feels
to be all alone
in a new school, and...
and trying to join in,
but you just don't know how.
- He told you all that?
- Not in...so many words.
- Look, we all want
these new kids
to feel welcome and succeed
at Bayside,
but it's not gonna work
if we don't get to know them,
and not just their names.
- Yeah. 'Cause I definitely
knew his name.
- How they feel,
what they think...
we have to stop trying
to get through to them
and let them get through to us.
It's our job to make space
for every kid at Bayside
so they become a healthy
and mature adult.
- Hey, Mom, can I get
my ants on a log
while you sing to me, please?
Is that them?
- I brought these.
[Daisy scoffs]
[buttons beeping]
[line trilling]
- Hey.
- Mom, I can't pick up Hector.
I gotta make posters
for the election.
- I'm sorry, mija.
There's no one
to switch with me.
- See, this is why
we need a home computer.
[Daisy's mother
speaking Spanish]
- [sighs]
Fine. Bye. I love you.
[upbeat rock music]
* *
- Can I get one "PJ Mask" book?
- No!
- God's gonna punish you
for not letting a child read.
- * I got my hair
slicked back *
* And my boots on *
- Let's go.
- * Eyeshadow too *
* I got my nails stuck on *
- Are you still open?
- For ten minutes.
So if you're thinking
of shipping a bulk item
that requires a specialty box
outside of continental U.S.,
do not darken my doorway, girl.
- Nope. Just printing
a couple pictures.
- [sighs]
This is boring!
- $21.86.
- Stupid overpriced
magician restaurant.
Okay, I have a little problem.
I only have a 10.00.
Wait! No! Listen.
I need these 'cause I'm running
for class president.
At a new school
where people like me
don't really have a voice.
But if I win,
maybe I can change all that.
So I'm asking you...Dean.
Do you want $21?
Or do you want to help me
change the--
- $21.
- Just give it to her.
She's a single mom.
- Yeah. Please.
Do it for my beautiful boy.
- You lucky
today's my birthday.
- Ooh! Happy birthday.
* *
- Hey, buddy.
- Wait, you're running
for president?
- Yeah, according
to the student manual,
class president
gets the parking spot
right in front of school.
- Which is even better
than the parking spot
we were previously
fighting over.
That's why I'm running as well.
- Wait, how did you
make all these so fast?
[together]
Do you not have a poster guy?
[phone rings]
- Oh.
Oh. LeBron must be here.
He said he'd come help me
hand out buttons.
- Ugh. Big deal.
I have a Kardashian
coming at lunch.
- Yeah? Who? Rob?
- Shut up!
He is still in their family.
- Hey, man.
No, you can wear your jersey.
I don't think it's thirsty.
[whispering]
He's so thirsty.
- It's okay.
I worked hard on my posters,
I'm still gonna
put up my posters.
[tense music]
Hey, where can I put up
my posters?!
- Hold on, Bron-Bron.
Did you not reserve wall space
on the Bayside Student app?
- Aw...
[Daisy screams]
[school bell rings]
- Hey, buddy.
- Hiya.
- You okay?
- Yeah.
[record scratch]
Don't start crying.
- Why were you
so upset earlier?
- I wasn't upset.
- Do you...
want to go to The Max and have
a dance contest about it?
- [voice breaks]
No.
[record scratch]
Oh, no, too late.
Look, I always believed
that if you worked hard enough,
anything was possible.
But being here
made me realize
that's only true
for kids like you.
- Hot kids?
- Privileged kids.
- Privileged kids...
- One of you will be
class president,
and you'll put it
on an application to a college
that your parents
already paid your way into.
The deck is stacked so high
in your favor
that people like me
never even had a chance.
And it's too bad,
'cause I would've been
a great president.
I actually want
to make the school better.
I want to go to Washington
for the Spring Break
Leadership Conference.
I want everyone's voices
to be heard.
But you don't.
You just want a parking space.
[school bell rings]
- [sighs]
Man, did you hear that?
- Yeah...
the president has to spend
spring break
at a leadership conference?
- I can't do that.
That's when I go
on spring break.
- I would literally die.
- We have to make this better.
- We have to make this right.
- Sorry, I thought you were
gonna say "better."
- I wasn't.
- Hey, man. Can we talk?
- Did you just sit backwards
in a chair?
Wow, I've never seen
anyone do that in real life.
- Look, I'm sorry
about yesterday.
And you're right.
I don't know you.
Honestly, I was just
looking out for myself.
It may seem like I'm a hot,
happening guy
who's got it all together--
- You're a gym teacher,
and I saw you
eating soup in your car.
- That was melted ice cream.
[sighs]
But...
the truth is, I need a win.
I'm a director
of an athletics program
that hasn't beaten Valley
in 15 years.
Anyway, I'm sorry...
and I wanna listen.
- Look, you're not
the first person
to look at me and ask
if I played football.
I can't do anything
without people
making assumptions about me.
I play football,
I'm up to no good,
I'm related to Montell Jordan--
which I am,
but it's through marriage.
The point is,
even if I wanted to join in,
it's not that simple.
- Man.
Back when I went to Bayside,
if you had a problem,
it could usually be fixed
with a vaguely
inspirational speech, but...
That doesn't seem like
it's gonna work here, huh?
- No.
- And you wouldn't want me
to try,
even if I thought of a good one
based on
what you told me, right?
- Well, technically,
it's not a white savior thing
because you're Mexican, so...
- Thank you!
No one ever talks about that.
Look, man.
You're never gonna be able
to control
what people assume about you,
so if there's something
you want to do here,
something that can
make you happy,
well, you might as well
just go for it
and let people assume
what they want.
- All right,
I'll keep that in mind.
Thanks, Coach.
- You're welcome, DeVante.
- That's not how
you pronounce my name.
I'm just messing with you.
That's a joke.
You did all right.
- You got me.
[low soft rock music]
* *
- Attention, please,
it is now time to hear
from our candidates
for sophomore class president.
Mr. Morris,
would you like to begin with--
ah! Stop!
[smack]
Ow! Ow!
[door slams shut]
- Good morning, Bayside.
I'm Mac Morris, and I believe
in the power of a good idea.
Like my idea that teachers
should randomly give you Fs
for no reason
and that we should get rid
of school dances
and use that money
to plant a weird tree.
Thank you.
[record scratch]
- Wait.
Is he trying to lose?
- And now, for our next
presidential candidate,
Daisy!
- [mouths word] What?
- Hi, Bayside!
I'm Daisy.
And I promise to get Lizzo
to perform at prom,
and the theme will be,
"Everybody Gets 50 Bucks."
- I don't know
who this Daisy girl is,
but she sounds great.
- Okay, wait.
They're lying.
I'm Daisy!
They're pretending to be me.
- In my Bayside, every lamp
will be a ring light
so no one will be an uggo.
- No, no!
That's not my platform.
I was running for president
'cause I wanted
to give people like me a voice,
and now
these white ding-a-lings
are literally
stealing my voice!
- So do you want us
to vote for Daisy or not?
- Well--I mean--
I want to be class president,
but not if it's--
- And God as my witness,
I vow that
each and every student
will get their own micro pig.
- Yes!
* *
- All right, everybody.
Line up.
- Hold up, Coach.
I think we got one more coming.
And that kid
looks tough as hell.
- Hey, Coach!
- Hey.
- [knocks on door]
- Daisy!
Hey, congratulations
on your win.
- Thanks, but...
I can't be class president.
I mean, I don't deserve it.
That wasn't me
giving the speech this morning.
- Oh, I know.
Mac and Lexi locked me
in a dark supply closet
so they could use the PA.
I was very scared.
But you don't have to bow out!
You did technically win!
- Yeah, but I wanted to win
the right way.
I wanted it to be fair.
- Oh.
Have a seat.
Listen, it was never
going to be fair.
Was it fair you only heard
about the election yesterday?
And Mac's campaign jingle
was written by Migos?
Was it fair these kids
were born in the Palisades
and you weren't?
Daisy!
The universe got one
right today.
You're here,
and you're the president.
And you certainly
proved to me...
that you deserved it.
- Where did you get those?
- Oh, I have a deal
with the janitor.
He just gives me
all the cool stuff
the kids throw out.
I got a Gucci hat
and a necklace.
That smells.
- Cool.
- Listen.
These kids...
they can be sheltered
and clueless.
But there's one thing
they get right.
They never feel guilty
about taking their seat
at the table.
And I know you deserve
a seat there too.
And if you don't take it,
Daisy...
how else are we gonna
make this place
a little more fair?
- Yeah.
Thanks, Principal Toddman.
* *
- Whassup?
I'm DeVante Young,
and I'm here to audition
for the musical.
- Mm-kay.
Whenever you are ready.
[clears throat]
- * I believe *
* The children are our future *
* Teach them well and let them
lead the way *
* Show them all the beauty
they possess *
* Inside *
* Give them a sense of pride *
* To make it easier *
* Let the children's laughter *
* Remind us how we used to be *
* I decided long ago *
* Never to walk
in anyone's shadow *
* If I fail, if I succeed *
* At least I lived
as I believed *
* No matter what
they take from me *
* They can't take away
my dignity *
* Because the greatest *
* Love of all
is happening to me *
* *
- Hey, buddy. Listen.
No need to thank us
for rigging the race.
- Yeah, all we ask in return
is that you give us
the president's parking spot.
- And we actually learned
a pretty important lesson
this week.
It's great to win,
but sometimes,
it's even better...
[together]
to share.
- Hm.
No.
both: What?
- I said no.
I'm the president,
and that parking space is mine.
- [scoffs]
Are you kidding me, brah?
- Okay, but you don't even
have a car.
What are you gonna use
a parking spot for?
- What is she doing?
- * Because the greatest *
* Love of all is happening
to me *
[vocalizing]
- First order of business.
I want to move the bus stop.
You know the president's
parking spot
right in front of the school?
I want to move it there.
- * I found the greatest *
* Love of all *
* Inside *
* Of *
* Me *
We good?
- Yeah.
- Cool.
[upbeat pop music]
* *
- * Don't need to tell you *
* What you already know *
* *
* Don't wanna hear you say *
* That you told me so *
* *
* Can't even argue *
* I wouldn't know
where to start *
* *
* How many letters *
* To spell a broken heart? *
* *