Saturday Night Live (1975–…): Season 5, Episode 6 - Howard Hesseman/Randy Newman - full transcript

[♪...]
I'M DON KIRSHNER
AND WELCOME TO GREAT MOMENTS

I'M DON KIRSHNER
AND WELCOME TO GREAT MOMENTS
IN ROCK AND ROLL.

AND WELCOME TO GREAT MOMENTS
IN ROCK AND ROLL.
ROCK EMBODIES A WIDE VARIETY

IN ROCK AND ROLL.
ROCK EMBODIES A WIDE VARIETY
OF MUSICAL FORMS AND GENRES.

ROCK EMBODIES A WIDE VARIETY
OF MUSICAL FORMS AND GENRES.
AND WHEN WE SPEAK OF IT'S LEGACY

OF MUSICAL FORMS AND GENRES.
AND WHEN WE SPEAK OF IT'S LEGACY
WE CANNOT IGNORE THE IMPORTANT

AND WHEN WE SPEAK OF IT'S LEGACY
WE CANNOT IGNORE THE IMPORTANT
AND IRREVERSIBLE CONTRIBUTION

WE CANNOT IGNORE THE IMPORTANT
AND IRREVERSIBLE CONTRIBUTION
OF SOUL MUSIC OR OF ITS MOST

AND IRREVERSIBLE CONTRIBUTION
OF SOUL MUSIC OR OF ITS MOST
POPULAR PERFORMING ARTIST

OF SOUL MUSIC OR OF ITS MOST
POPULAR PERFORMING ARTIST
JAMES BROWN, THE GODFATHER

POPULAR PERFORMING ARTIST
JAMES BROWN, THE GODFATHER
OF SOUL.



JAMES BROWN, THE GODFATHER
OF SOUL.
BEFORE JAMES BROWN FOUND

OF SOUL.
BEFORE JAMES BROWN FOUND
POPULARITY WITH AMERICA'S BLACK,

BEFORE JAMES BROWN FOUND
POPULARITY WITH AMERICA'S BLACK,
URBAN AUDIENCE AND GAVE

POPULARITY WITH AMERICA'S BLACK,
URBAN AUDIENCE AND GAVE
NEW MEANING TO THE WORD "FUNK",

URBAN AUDIENCE AND GAVE
NEW MEANING TO THE WORD "FUNK",
HE HAD FIRST TO LEAVE BEHIND

NEW MEANING TO THE WORD "FUNK",
HE HAD FIRST TO LEAVE BEHIND
HIS ROOTS IN SOUTHERN SCOTLAND

HE HAD FIRST TO LEAVE BEHIND
HIS ROOTS IN SOUTHERN SCOTLAND
AND BID ADIEU TO HIS ORIGINAL

HIS ROOTS IN SOUTHERN SCOTLAND
AND BID ADIEU TO HIS ORIGINAL
BAND AND HIS MANAGER,

AND BID ADIEU TO HIS ORIGINAL
BAND AND HIS MANAGER,
MORTY McTAVISH.

BAND AND HIS MANAGER,
MORTY McTAVISH.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

MORTY McTAVISH.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
TONIGHT'S GREAT MOMENT TAKES US

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
TONIGHT'S GREAT MOMENT TAKES US
TO THE GROUP'S LAST REHEARSAL

TONIGHT'S GREAT MOMENT TAKES US
TO THE GROUP'S LAST REHEARSAL
ON A SCOTTISH FARM

TO THE GROUP'S LAST REHEARSAL
ON A SCOTTISH FARM
IN THE LATE '50s.



ON A SCOTTISH FARM
IN THE LATE '50s.
I'M TELLIN' YA,

IN THE LATE '50s.
I'M TELLIN' YA,
IT AIN'T WORKIN'!

I'M TELLIN' YA,
IT AIN'T WORKIN'!
THESE DUDES ARE NOT

IT AIN'T WORKIN'!
THESE DUDES ARE NOT
DIGGIN' THIS ACT, MAN!

THESE DUDES ARE NOT
DIGGIN' THIS ACT, MAN!
MALARKEY, WE'RE DOING FINE.

DIGGIN' THIS ACT, MAN!
MALARKEY, WE'RE DOING FINE.
WHY, THE LAST DANCE WE PLAYED

MALARKEY, WE'RE DOING FINE.
WHY, THE LAST DANCE WE PLAYED
THE FLOOR WAS FILLED WITH PEOPLE

WHY, THE LAST DANCE WE PLAYED
THE FLOOR WAS FILLED WITH PEOPLE
DANCING TO THE "HIGHLAND FLING".

THE FLOOR WAS FILLED WITH PEOPLE
DANCING TO THE "HIGHLAND FLING".
THE HIGHLAND FLING?

DANCING TO THE "HIGHLAND FLING".
THE HIGHLAND FLING?
MAN, THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANT!

THE HIGHLAND FLING?
MAN, THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANT!
I'M TRYING TO COMMUNICATE

MAN, THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANT!
I'M TRYING TO COMMUNICATE
TO THE PEOPLE, MAN.

I'M TRYING TO COMMUNICATE
TO THE PEOPLE, MAN.
I WANNA GET A MESSAGE ACROSS

TO THE PEOPLE, MAN.
I WANNA GET A MESSAGE ACROSS
TO THE PEOPLE.

I WANNA GET A MESSAGE ACROSS
TO THE PEOPLE.
DAMN!

TO THE PEOPLE.
DAMN!
NOW, YOU'RE EMBARRASSING

DAMN!
NOW, YOU'RE EMBARRASSING
THE LASSIES WITH YOUR

NOW, YOU'RE EMBARRASSING
THE LASSIES WITH YOUR
SHARP TONGUE.

THE LASSIES WITH YOUR
SHARP TONGUE.
OH, EXCUSE ME...

SHARP TONGUE.
OH, EXCUSE ME...
FELLAS, PLEASE...

OH, EXCUSE ME...
FELLAS, PLEASE...
LET'S TAKE IT FROM THE TOP.

FELLAS, PLEASE...
LET'S TAKE IT FROM THE TOP.
ONE MORE TIME, HUH.

LET'S TAKE IT FROM THE TOP.
ONE MORE TIME, HUH.
AND LOOK, FELLAS, TRY TO PUT

ONE MORE TIME, HUH.
AND LOOK, FELLAS, TRY TO PUT
SOME SOUL INTO IT, YOU KNOW?

AND LOOK, FELLAS, TRY TO PUT
SOME SOUL INTO IT, YOU KNOW?
AND WHEN I JUMP DOWN

SOME SOUL INTO IT, YOU KNOW?
AND WHEN I JUMP DOWN
AND DO MY DOUBLE-SPLITS,

AND WHEN I JUMP DOWN
AND DO MY DOUBLE-SPLITS,
DON'T DROP YOUR INSTRUMENTS

AND DO MY DOUBLE-SPLITS,
DON'T DROP YOUR INSTRUMENTS
TO COME AND TRY TO REVIVE ME!

DON'T DROP YOUR INSTRUMENTS
TO COME AND TRY TO REVIVE ME!
IT'S MY ACT, MAN,

TO COME AND TRY TO REVIVE ME!
IT'S MY ACT, MAN,
IT'S WHAT I DO.

IT'S MY ACT, MAN,
IT'S WHAT I DO.
ALL RIGHT, WE'RE WITH YA.

IT'S WHAT I DO.
ALL RIGHT, WE'RE WITH YA.
GO AHEAD.

ALL RIGHT, WE'RE WITH YA.
GO AHEAD.
[BAGPIPES BLOWING]

GO AHEAD.
[BAGPIPES BLOWING]
♪ BABY, PLEASE ♪

[BAGPIPES BLOWING]
♪ BABY, PLEASE ♪
♪ DON'T GO ♪

♪ BABY, PLEASE ♪
♪ DON'T GO ♪
♪ (LADDIE PLEASE DON'T GO) ♪

♪ DON'T GO ♪
♪ (LADDIE PLEASE DON'T GO) ♪
♪ BABY, PLEASE DON'T GO ♪

♪ (LADDIE PLEASE DON'T GO) ♪
♪ BABY, PLEASE DON'T GO ♪
♪ (LADDIE PLEASE DON'T GO) ♪

♪ BABY, PLEASE DON'T GO ♪
♪ (LADDIE PLEASE DON'T GO) ♪
♪ BABY, BABY, BABY ♪

♪ (LADDIE PLEASE DON'T GO) ♪
♪ BABY, BABY, BABY ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪

♪ BABY, BABY, BABY ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ I LOVE YOU SO ♪

♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ I LOVE YOU SO ♪
♪ (LADDIE PLEASE DON'T GO) ♪

♪ I LOVE YOU SO ♪
♪ (LADDIE PLEASE DON'T GO) ♪
♪ OH, DON'T GO ♪

♪ (LADDIE PLEASE DON'T GO) ♪
♪ OH, DON'T GO ♪
♪ (LADDIE PLEASE DON'T GO) ♪

♪ OH, DON'T GO ♪
♪ (LADDIE PLEASE DON'T GO) ♪
♪ BABY, PLEASE DON'T GO ♪

♪ (LADDIE PLEASE DON'T GO) ♪
♪ BABY, PLEASE DON'T GO ♪
♪ (LADDIE PLEASE DON'T GO) ♪

♪ BABY, PLEASE DON'T GO ♪
♪ (LADDIE PLEASE DON'T GO) ♪
♪ OH ♪

♪ (LADDIE PLEASE DON'T GO) ♪
♪ OH ♪
♪ (OH, OH, OH) ♪

♪ OH ♪
♪ (OH, OH, OH) ♪
♪ I LOVE YOU SO ♪

♪ (OH, OH, OH) ♪
♪ I LOVE YOU SO ♪
♪ (LADDIE PLEASE DON'T GO) ♪

♪ I LOVE YOU SO ♪
♪ (LADDIE PLEASE DON'T GO) ♪
♪ PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE ♪

♪ (LADDIE PLEASE DON'T GO) ♪
♪ PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE ♪
♪ PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE ♪

♪ PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE ♪
♪ PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE ♪
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT A MINUTE!

♪ PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE ♪
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT A MINUTE!
WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE!

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT A MINUTE!
WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE!
HOLD IT!

WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE!
HOLD IT!
IT'S NOT WORKIN'.

HOLD IT!
IT'S NOT WORKIN'.
THIS JUST AIN'T RIGHT.

IT'S NOT WORKIN'.
THIS JUST AIN'T RIGHT.
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM, LADDIE?

THIS JUST AIN'T RIGHT.
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM, LADDIE?
I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM, LADDIE?
I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU
NEVER TO CALL ME LADDIE, MAN.

I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU
NEVER TO CALL ME LADDIE, MAN.
ALL RIGHT, CALM YOURSELF,

NEVER TO CALL ME LADDIE, MAN.
ALL RIGHT, CALM YOURSELF,
BOY.

ALL RIGHT, CALM YOURSELF,
BOY.
BOY?

BOY.
BOY?
THAT'S IT, YOU TAKE THIS THING.

BOY?
THAT'S IT, YOU TAKE THIS THING.
YA'LL DO THIS DANCE WITHOUT ME.

THAT'S IT, YOU TAKE THIS THING.
YA'LL DO THIS DANCE WITHOUT ME.
WAIT, COME BACK, JIMMY.

YA'LL DO THIS DANCE WITHOUT ME.
WAIT, COME BACK, JIMMY.
COME BACK, DON'T LEAVE!

THE REST IS HISTORY.
JAMES BROWN AND THE FAMOUS
FIFSHIRE PIPE AND FIDDLE PLAYERS

JAMES BROWN AND THE FAMOUS
FIFSHIRE PIPE AND FIDDLE PLAYERS
WERE NEVER TO PERFORM AGAIN

FIFSHIRE PIPE AND FIDDLE PLAYERS
WERE NEVER TO PERFORM AGAIN
TOGETHER ON THE SAME STAGE.

WERE NEVER TO PERFORM AGAIN
TOGETHER ON THE SAME STAGE.
BUT IF YOU LISTEN CLOSELY

TOGETHER ON THE SAME STAGE.
BUT IF YOU LISTEN CLOSELY
TO THE JAMES BROWN SOUND

BUT IF YOU LISTEN CLOSELY
TO THE JAMES BROWN SOUND
ON SUCH HITS AS

TO THE JAMES BROWN SOUND
ON SUCH HITS AS
"I CAN'T STAND MYSELF",

ON SUCH HITS AS
"I CAN'T STAND MYSELF",
"SEX MACHINE" AND

"I CAN'T STAND MYSELF",
"SEX MACHINE" AND
"YOU TAKE THE HIGH ROAD,

"SEX MACHINE" AND
"YOU TAKE THE HIGH ROAD,
I'LL TAKE THE NIGHT TRAIN",

"YOU TAKE THE HIGH ROAD,
I'LL TAKE THE NIGHT TRAIN",
YOU CAN HEAR TRACES

I'LL TAKE THE NIGHT TRAIN",
YOU CAN HEAR TRACES
OF A SCOTTISH BURR.

YOU CAN HEAR TRACES
OF A SCOTTISH BURR.
AND R&B AFICIONADOS ALSO CLAIM

OF A SCOTTISH BURR.
AND R&B AFICIONADOS ALSO CLAIM
THAT IF YOU PLAY

AND R&B AFICIONADOS ALSO CLAIM
THAT IF YOU PLAY
"HOT PANTS PART 2" BACKWARDS

THAT IF YOU PLAY
"HOT PANTS PART 2" BACKWARDS
YOU CAN HEAR JAMES BROWN'S WIFE

"HOT PANTS PART 2" BACKWARDS
YOU CAN HEAR JAMES BROWN'S WIFE
SCREAMING OUT

YOU CAN HEAR JAMES BROWN'S WIFE
SCREAMING OUT
"LIVE FROM NEW YORK,

SCREAMING OUT
"LIVE FROM NEW YORK,
IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!"

"LIVE FROM NEW YORK,
IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!"
[APPLAUSE]

IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!"
[APPLAUSE]
[♪...]

[APPLAUSE]
[♪...]
Announcer: IT'S SATURDAY

[♪...]
Announcer: IT'S SATURDAY
NIGHT LIVE!

Announcer: IT'S SATURDAY
NIGHT LIVE!
WITH HOWARD HESSEMAN.

STARRING JANE CURTIN,
GARRETT MORRIS,
BILL MURRAY,

GARRETT MORRIS,
BILL MURRAY,
LARAINE NEWMAN,

BILL MURRAY,
LARAINE NEWMAN,
AND GILDA RADNER!

WITH MUSICAL GUEST
RANDY NEWMAN!

AND FEATURING DON NOVELLO,
PAUL SHAFFER,
AND HARRY SHEARER.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
HOWARD HESSEMAN!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
IT'S REALLY A PLEASURE

THANK YOU.
IT'S REALLY A PLEASURE
TO BE HERE AND BE HOSTING

IT'S REALLY A PLEASURE
TO BE HERE AND BE HOSTING
SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE.

TO BE HERE AND BE HOSTING
SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE.
IT'S A, AS YOU VERY WELL KNOW,

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE.
IT'S A, AS YOU VERY WELL KNOW,
IT'S A SATIRICAL SHOW THAT

IT'S A, AS YOU VERY WELL KNOW,
IT'S A SATIRICAL SHOW THAT
DEALS WITH CURRENT EVENTS IN A

IT'S A SATIRICAL SHOW THAT
DEALS WITH CURRENT EVENTS IN A
HUMOROUS FASHION, AND TONIGHT,

DEALS WITH CURRENT EVENTS IN A
HUMOROUS FASHION, AND TONIGHT,
DUE TO CIRCUMSTANCES BEYOND OUR

HUMOROUS FASHION, AND TONIGHT,
DUE TO CIRCUMSTANCES BEYOND OUR
CONTROL, WE WON'T BE DOING THAT.

DUE TO CIRCUMSTANCES BEYOND OUR
CONTROL, WE WON'T BE DOING THAT.
[LAUGHTER]

CONTROL, WE WON'T BE DOING THAT.
[LAUGHTER]
WE'LL BE UNABLE TO SAY

[LAUGHTER]
WE'LL BE UNABLE TO SAY
ANYTHING ABOUT THE MAIN EVENT OF

WE'LL BE UNABLE TO SAY
ANYTHING ABOUT THE MAIN EVENT OF
THIS MONTH, IRAN.

ANYTHING ABOUT THE MAIN EVENT OF
THIS MONTH, IRAN.
SEE, THE PRESIDENT AND THE STATE

THIS MONTH, IRAN.
SEE, THE PRESIDENT AND THE STATE
DEPARTMENT HAVE CALLED THE

SEE, THE PRESIDENT AND THE STATE
DEPARTMENT HAVE CALLED THE
NETWORKS AND ASKED THAT

DEPARTMENT HAVE CALLED THE
NETWORKS AND ASKED THAT
ANY OF THE ENTERTAINMENT

NETWORKS AND ASKED THAT
ANY OF THE ENTERTAINMENT
PROGRAMS REFRAIN FROM SAYING

ANY OF THE ENTERTAINMENT
PROGRAMS REFRAIN FROM SAYING
ANYTHING ABOUT IRAN

PROGRAMS REFRAIN FROM SAYING
ANYTHING ABOUT IRAN
IN ORDER TO AVOID AGGRAVATING

ANYTHING ABOUT IRAN
IN ORDER TO AVOID AGGRAVATING
THE SITUATION THERE.

IN ORDER TO AVOID AGGRAVATING
THE SITUATION THERE.
AND, OF COURSE,

THE SITUATION THERE.
AND, OF COURSE,
NBC AGREED TO THIS.

AND, OF COURSE,
NBC AGREED TO THIS.
NORMALLY, THIS KINDA THING WOULD

NBC AGREED TO THIS.
NORMALLY, THIS KINDA THING WOULD
MAKE ME REALLY ANGRY, YOU KNOW?

NORMALLY, THIS KINDA THING WOULD
MAKE ME REALLY ANGRY, YOU KNOW?
BUT I REALIZED THAT MAYBE,

MAKE ME REALLY ANGRY, YOU KNOW?
BUT I REALIZED THAT MAYBE,
JUST MAYBE, THERE ARE SOME

BUT I REALIZED THAT MAYBE,
JUST MAYBE, THERE ARE SOME
THINGS THAT ARE BIGGER

JUST MAYBE, THERE ARE SOME
THINGS THAT ARE BIGGER
THAN HUMOR.

THINGS THAT ARE BIGGER
THAN HUMOR.
IN A WAY, NBC IS RIGHT, BECAUSE

THAN HUMOR.
IN A WAY, NBC IS RIGHT, BECAUSE
WE'RE IN A SENSITIVE POSITION

IN A WAY, NBC IS RIGHT, BECAUSE
WE'RE IN A SENSITIVE POSITION
HERE ON THE SHOW BECAUSE

WE'RE IN A SENSITIVE POSITION
HERE ON THE SHOW BECAUSE
THE SITUATION IS VERY TENSE,

HERE ON THE SHOW BECAUSE
THE SITUATION IS VERY TENSE,
AND INTELLIGENT SOURCES INDICATE

THE SITUATION IS VERY TENSE,
AND INTELLIGENT SOURCES INDICATE
THAT THE AYATOLLAH HIMSELF

AND INTELLIGENT SOURCES INDICATE
THAT THE AYATOLLAH HIMSELF
WATCHES SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE.

THAT THE AYATOLLAH HIMSELF
WATCHES SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE.
[LAUGHTER]

WATCHES SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE.
[LAUGHTER]
WE CAN'T CONFIRM IT,

[LAUGHTER]
WE CAN'T CONFIRM IT,
BUT APPARENTLY, HE HAS

WE CAN'T CONFIRM IT,
BUT APPARENTLY, HE HAS
THE SHAH'S BETA-MAX.

BUT APPARENTLY, HE HAS
THE SHAH'S BETA-MAX.
[LAUGHTER]

THE SHAH'S BETA-MAX.
[LAUGHTER]
IT SEEMS THAT THE AYATOLLAH

[LAUGHTER]
IT SEEMS THAT THE AYATOLLAH
IS A GREAT FAN OF

IT SEEMS THAT THE AYATOLLAH
IS A GREAT FAN OF
THE MR. BILL SHOW.

IS A GREAT FAN OF
THE MR. BILL SHOW.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THE MR. BILL SHOW.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
PERSONALLY, I THINK HE'S

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
PERSONALLY, I THINK HE'S
PROBABLY MORE DEEPLY

PERSONALLY, I THINK HE'S
PROBABLY MORE DEEPLY
INTO SLUGGO, BUT...

PROBABLY MORE DEEPLY
INTO SLUGGO, BUT...
[LAUGHTER]

INTO SLUGGO, BUT...
[LAUGHTER]
ANYWAY, I KEPT THINKING

[LAUGHTER]
ANYWAY, I KEPT THINKING
ABOUT THIS, I REALIZED

ANYWAY, I KEPT THINKING
ABOUT THIS, I REALIZED
THAT THERE'S A RESPONSIBILITY

ABOUT THIS, I REALIZED
THAT THERE'S A RESPONSIBILITY
THAT WE ALL HAVE HERE.

THAT THERE'S A RESPONSIBILITY
THAT WE ALL HAVE HERE.
THAT FREEDOM OF SPEECH IS MORE

THAT WE ALL HAVE HERE.
THAT FREEDOM OF SPEECH IS MORE
THAN JUST THE FREEDOM

THAT FREEDOM OF SPEECH IS MORE
THAN JUST THE FREEDOM
TO SPEAK OUT, TO SAY

THAN JUST THE FREEDOM
TO SPEAK OUT, TO SAY
WHATEVER YOU WANNA SAY

TO SPEAK OUT, TO SAY
WHATEVER YOU WANNA SAY
WHENEVER YOU WANNA SAY IT.

WHATEVER YOU WANNA SAY
WHENEVER YOU WANNA SAY IT.
IT'S ALSO KNOWING WHEN

WHENEVER YOU WANNA SAY IT.
IT'S ALSO KNOWING WHEN
NOT TO SAY SOMETHING.

IT'S ALSO KNOWING WHEN
NOT TO SAY SOMETHING.
IT'S LIKE MUSIC, YOU KNOW,

NOT TO SAY SOMETHING.
IT'S LIKE MUSIC, YOU KNOW,
THE SILENCE BETWEEN THE NOTES

IT'S LIKE MUSIC, YOU KNOW,
THE SILENCE BETWEEN THE NOTES
IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS

THE SILENCE BETWEEN THE NOTES
IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS
THE NOTES THEMSELVES.

IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS
THE NOTES THEMSELVES.
YOU SEE, A LOT OF PEOPLE

THE NOTES THEMSELVES.
YOU SEE, A LOT OF PEOPLE
ON T.V. LATELY MAKING

YOU SEE, A LOT OF PEOPLE
ON T.V. LATELY MAKING
INFLAMMATORY JINGOISTIC

ON T.V. LATELY MAKING
INFLAMMATORY JINGOISTIC
STATEMENTS AND THAT'S NOT

INFLAMMATORY JINGOISTIC
STATEMENTS AND THAT'S NOT
THE ANSWER TO THIS SITUATION.

STATEMENTS AND THAT'S NOT
THE ANSWER TO THIS SITUATION.
WE HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY HERE

THE ANSWER TO THIS SITUATION.
WE HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY HERE
TO SHOW THE AYATOLLAH JUST

WE HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY HERE
TO SHOW THE AYATOLLAH JUST
HOW STRONG WE ARE AS A NATION

TO SHOW THE AYATOLLAH JUST
HOW STRONG WE ARE AS A NATION
AND I MEAN TRULY STRONG...

HOW STRONG WE ARE AS A NATION
AND I MEAN TRULY STRONG...
STRONG ENOUGH TO BE GENTLE.

AND I MEAN TRULY STRONG...
STRONG ENOUGH TO BE GENTLE.
SO IF YOU'D ALL JOIN IN

STRONG ENOUGH TO BE GENTLE.
SO IF YOU'D ALL JOIN IN
WITH ME HERE, EVERYBODY.

SO IF YOU'D ALL JOIN IN
WITH ME HERE, EVERYBODY.
RESTRAINT!

WITH ME HERE, EVERYBODY.
RESTRAINT!
[CROWD CHANTS RESTRAINT!]

RESTRAINT!
[CROWD CHANTS RESTRAINT!]
RESTRAINT!

[CROWD CHANTS RESTRAINT!]
RESTRAINT!
RESTRAINT!

RESTRAINT!
RESTRAINT!
THAT'S GOOD, THAT'S GOOD.

RESTRAINT!
THAT'S GOOD, THAT'S GOOD.
[CROWD CONTINUES CHANTING]

THAT'S GOOD, THAT'S GOOD.
[CROWD CONTINUES CHANTING]
GOOD, GOOD!

[CROWD CONTINUES CHANTING]
GOOD, GOOD!
RESTRAIN YOURSELVES, OKAY?

GOOD, GOOD!
RESTRAIN YOURSELVES, OKAY?
'CAUSE THERE ARE OTHER

RESTRAIN YOURSELVES, OKAY?
'CAUSE THERE ARE OTHER
THINGS THAT WE CAN DO.

'CAUSE THERE ARE OTHER
THINGS THAT WE CAN DO.
THERE'S CALL AND

THINGS THAT WE CAN DO.
THERE'S CALL AND
RESPONSE CHANTS.

THERE'S CALL AND
RESPONSE CHANTS.
IF I SAY, "HOW LONG

RESPONSE CHANTS.
IF I SAY, "HOW LONG
WILL WE WAIT?"

IF I SAY, "HOW LONG
WILL WE WAIT?"
YOU CAN SAY, "AS LONG

WILL WE WAIT?"
YOU CAN SAY, "AS LONG
AS IT TAKES."

YOU CAN SAY, "AS LONG
AS IT TAKES."
LET'S TRY THAT.

AS IT TAKES."
LET'S TRY THAT.
HOW LONG WILL WE WAIT?

LET'S TRY THAT.
HOW LONG WILL WE WAIT?
Audience: AS LONG

HOW LONG WILL WE WAIT?
Audience: AS LONG
AS IT TAKES!

Audience: AS LONG
AS IT TAKES!
HOW LONG WILL WE WAIT?

AS IT TAKES!
HOW LONG WILL WE WAIT?
AS LONG AS IT TAKES!

HOW LONG WILL WE WAIT?
AS LONG AS IT TAKES!
THAT'S GREAT.

AS LONG AS IT TAKES!
THAT'S GREAT.
THERE'S ALWAYS SOME IDIOT

THAT'S GREAT.
THERE'S ALWAYS SOME IDIOT
IN THE CROWD WHO'LL SAY

THERE'S ALWAYS SOME IDIOT
IN THE CROWD WHO'LL SAY
"WHAT IF IT TAKES FOREVER?"

IN THE CROWD WHO'LL SAY
"WHAT IF IT TAKES FOREVER?"
Man: WHAT IF IT

"WHAT IF IT TAKES FOREVER?"
Man: WHAT IF IT
TAKES FOREVER?

Man: WHAT IF IT
TAKES FOREVER?
[LAUGHTER]

TAKES FOREVER?
[LAUGHTER]
THE CHECK IS ON THE WAY, SIR.

[LAUGHTER]
THE CHECK IS ON THE WAY, SIR.
WHAT YOU CAN DO TO THAT,

THE CHECK IS ON THE WAY, SIR.
WHAT YOU CAN DO TO THAT,
YOU CAN SAY, "THEN THAT'S

WHAT YOU CAN DO TO THAT,
YOU CAN SAY, "THEN THAT'S
HOW LONG WE'LL WAIT."

YOU CAN SAY, "THEN THAT'S
HOW LONG WE'LL WAIT."
SO LET'S TRY THAT.

HOW LONG WE'LL WAIT."
SO LET'S TRY THAT.
HOW LONG WILL WE WAIT?

SO LET'S TRY THAT.
HOW LONG WILL WE WAIT?
AS LONG AS IT TAKES!

HOW LONG WILL WE WAIT?
AS LONG AS IT TAKES!
WHAT IF IT TAKES FOREVER?

AS LONG AS IT TAKES!
WHAT IF IT TAKES FOREVER?
THEN THAT'S HOW LONG

WHAT IF IT TAKES FOREVER?
THEN THAT'S HOW LONG
WE'LL WAIT!

THEN THAT'S HOW LONG
WE'LL WAIT!
THAT'S GREAT, THAT'S GREAT.

WE'LL WAIT!
THAT'S GREAT, THAT'S GREAT.
AND I THINK WE SHOULD ALL

THAT'S GREAT, THAT'S GREAT.
AND I THINK WE SHOULD ALL
TRY TO GET ACCUSTOMED TO IT,

AND I THINK WE SHOULD ALL
TRY TO GET ACCUSTOMED TO IT,
BECAUSE IT'S GONNA GO ON

TRY TO GET ACCUSTOMED TO IT,
BECAUSE IT'S GONNA GO ON
FOR A WHILE, OKAY?

BECAUSE IT'S GONNA GO ON
FOR A WHILE, OKAY?
WE'LL BE BACK IN A MINUTE.

FOR A WHILE, OKAY?
WE'LL BE BACK IN A MINUTE.
[APPLAUSE]

Man: ♪ COME LISTEN TO
A STORY ♪
♪ ABOUT A MAN NAMED ABDUL ♪

A STORY ♪
♪ ABOUT A MAN NAMED ABDUL ♪
♪ POOR BEDOUIN

♪ ABOUT A MAN NAMED ABDUL ♪
♪ POOR BEDOUIN
BARELY KEPT HIS FAMILY FULL ♪

♪ POOR BEDOUIN
BARELY KEPT HIS FAMILY FULL ♪
♪ AND THEN ONE DAY

BARELY KEPT HIS FAMILY FULL ♪
♪ AND THEN ONE DAY
HE WAS SHOOTIN' AT SOME JEWS ♪

♪ AND THEN ONE DAY
HE WAS SHOOTIN' AT SOME JEWS ♪
♪ AND UP FROM THE GROUND

HE WAS SHOOTIN' AT SOME JEWS ♪
♪ AND UP FROM THE GROUND
COME BUBBLIN' OOZE ♪

♪ AND UP FROM THE GROUND
COME BUBBLIN' OOZE ♪
Man: OIL, THAT IS.

COME BUBBLIN' OOZE ♪
Man: OIL, THAT IS.
PERSIAN PERRIER.

Man: OIL, THAT IS.
PERSIAN PERRIER.
KUWAIT KOOL-AID.

PERSIAN PERRIER.
KUWAIT KOOL-AID.
SAUDI SODA.

KUWAIT KOOL-AID.
SAUDI SODA.
♪ WELL, FIRST THING YOU KNOW

SAUDI SODA.
♪ WELL, FIRST THING YOU KNOW
ABDUL'S A BILLIONAIRE ♪

♪ WELL, FIRST THING YOU KNOW
ABDUL'S A BILLIONAIRE ♪
♪ THE KINFOLK SAID

ABDUL'S A BILLIONAIRE ♪
♪ THE KINFOLK SAID
ABDUL, MOVE AWAY FROM THERE ♪

♪ THE KINFOLK SAID
ABDUL, MOVE AWAY FROM THERE ♪
♪ THEY SAID CALIFORNIA

ABDUL, MOVE AWAY FROM THERE ♪
♪ THEY SAID CALIFORNIA
WAS THE PLACE WITHOUT A CARE ♪

♪ THEY SAID CALIFORNIA
WAS THE PLACE WITHOUT A CARE ♪
♪ SO THEY LOADED UP THE ROLLS

WAS THE PLACE WITHOUT A CARE ♪
♪ SO THEY LOADED UP THE ROLLS
AND MOVED TO BEL-AIR ♪

♪ SO THEY LOADED UP THE ROLLS
AND MOVED TO BEL-AIR ♪
Man: NEXT TO BEVERLY HILLS,

AND MOVED TO BEL-AIR ♪
Man: NEXT TO BEVERLY HILLS,
THAT IS.

Man: NEXT TO BEVERLY HILLS,
THAT IS.
SWIMMING POOLS.

THAT IS.
SWIMMING POOLS.
MOVIE STARS.

SWIMMING POOLS.
MOVIE STARS.
JEWS.

MOVIE STARS.
JEWS.
Announcer: THE BEL-AIRABS.

JEWS.
Announcer: THE BEL-AIRABS.
♪ [BANJO MUSIC PLAYS] ♪

I WONDER IF SHE IS A BLONDE,
A BRUNETTE, OR A RED-HEAD.
I SAY A RED-HEAD.

A BRUNETTE, OR A RED-HEAD.
I SAY A RED-HEAD.
[LAUGHTER]

I SAY A RED-HEAD.
[LAUGHTER]
MM, I DON'T KNOW.

[LAUGHTER]
MM, I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE GRANNY KNOWS, GRANNY!

MM, I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE GRANNY KNOWS, GRANNY!
GRANNY!

MAYBE GRANNY KNOWS, GRANNY!
GRANNY!
[WOMAN SHOUTS INAUDIBLY]

GRANNY!
[WOMAN SHOUTS INAUDIBLY]
[SCREAMING...]

WHY IS GRANNY SO ANGRY?
SHE IS UPSET BY MY
WESTERN STATUE.

SHE IS UPSET BY MY
WESTERN STATUE.
SHE IS RIGHT.

WESTERN STATUE.
SHE IS RIGHT.
IT SHOULD BE BRUNETTE.

SHE IS RIGHT.
IT SHOULD BE BRUNETTE.
OH, YES.

IT SHOULD BE BRUNETTE.
OH, YES.
[MUMBLING]

DADDY, DADDY.
MAY I SKIP KORAN CLASS TONIGHT
SO THAT I MAY ATTEND, UH,

MAY I SKIP KORAN CLASS TONIGHT
SO THAT I MAY ATTEND, UH,
THE FOOTBALL GAME?

SO THAT I MAY ATTEND, UH,
THE FOOTBALL GAME?
NO.

THE FOOTBALL GAME?
NO.
BUT BEL-AIR HIGH IS PLAYING

NO.
BUT BEL-AIR HIGH IS PLAYING
BEVERLY HILLS HIGH.

BUT BEL-AIR HIGH IS PLAYING
BEVERLY HILLS HIGH.
ALL MY AMERICAN FRIENDS

BEVERLY HILLS HIGH.
ALL MY AMERICAN FRIENDS
ARE GOING.

ALL MY AMERICAN FRIENDS
ARE GOING.
NO!

ARE GOING.
NO!
OH, PLEASE, FATHER!

NO!
OH, PLEASE, FATHER!
IF MY DAUGHTER WANTED ME

OH, PLEASE, FATHER!
IF MY DAUGHTER WANTED ME
TO GRANT HER A FAVOR

IF MY DAUGHTER WANTED ME
TO GRANT HER A FAVOR
SHE WOULD KNOW TO DRESS

TO GRANT HER A FAVOR
SHE WOULD KNOW TO DRESS
PROPERLY WHEN ASKING.

SHE WOULD KNOW TO DRESS
PROPERLY WHEN ASKING.
OH, YES, FATHER.

PROPERLY WHEN ASKING.
OH, YES, FATHER.
I WILL GO CHANGE.

OH, YES, FATHER.
I WILL GO CHANGE.
[DOORBELL RINGS]

I WILL GO CHANGE.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
BELLS.

[DOORBELL RINGS]
BELLS.
THOSE BELLS ARE SOUNDING AGAIN.

BELLS.
THOSE BELLS ARE SOUNDING AGAIN.
[GRANNY SCREAMING]

THOSE BELLS ARE SOUNDING AGAIN.
[GRANNY SCREAMING]
GRANNY IS RIGHT.

[GRANNY SCREAMING]
GRANNY IS RIGHT.
ALLAH IS WARNING US.

GRANNY IS RIGHT.
ALLAH IS WARNING US.
EVERY TIME THOSE BELLS RING

ALLAH IS WARNING US.
EVERY TIME THOSE BELLS RING
SOMEONE IS NEARBY.

EVERY TIME THOSE BELLS RING
SOMEONE IS NEARBY.
QUIET, I HEAR SOMEONE

SOMEONE IS NEARBY.
QUIET, I HEAR SOMEONE
OUTSIDE.

HELLO... HELLO,
IS THIS THE ASSAD RESIDENCE?
[GRANNY SCREAMS]

IS THIS THE ASSAD RESIDENCE?
[GRANNY SCREAMS]
NAMES, NAMES, NAMES, NAMES!

[GRANNY SCREAMS]
NAMES, NAMES, NAMES, NAMES!
BOB LEWIS AND THAT'S

NAMES, NAMES, NAMES, NAMES!
BOB LEWIS AND THAT'S
LYDELL STOKES.

BOB LEWIS AND THAT'S
LYDELL STOKES.
WE'RE BOB AND LYDELL

LYDELL STOKES.
WE'RE BOB AND LYDELL
OF THE BOB AND LYDELL

WE'RE BOB AND LYDELL
OF THE BOB AND LYDELL
SAVINGS AND LOAN.

OF THE BOB AND LYDELL
SAVINGS AND LOAN.
YOU PROBABLY HEARD OF US.

SAVINGS AND LOAN.
YOU PROBABLY HEARD OF US.
NO, HUH?

YOU PROBABLY HEARD OF US.
NO, HUH?
AH, SHEIK HARAD HAFIM

NO, HUH?
AH, SHEIK HARAD HAFIM
ON RODEO DRIVE SUGGESTED

AH, SHEIK HARAD HAFIM
ON RODEO DRIVE SUGGESTED
WE COME OVER TO MEET YOU.

ON RODEO DRIVE SUGGESTED
WE COME OVER TO MEET YOU.
OH, YOU ARE FRIENDS OF

WE COME OVER TO MEET YOU.
OH, YOU ARE FRIENDS OF
SHEIK HAFIM?

OH, YOU ARE FRIENDS OF
SHEIK HAFIM?
YEAH, HE DOES A LOT

SHEIK HAFIM?
YEAH, HE DOES A LOT
OF HIS BANKING WITH US.

YEAH, HE DOES A LOT
OF HIS BANKING WITH US.
WE BANK WITH MR. DRYSDALE.

OF HIS BANKING WITH US.
WE BANK WITH MR. DRYSDALE.
WE'RE FRIENDS OF MR. DRYSDALE

WE BANK WITH MR. DRYSDALE.
WE'RE FRIENDS OF MR. DRYSDALE
TOO, IN FACT, HE ASKED US

WE'RE FRIENDS OF MR. DRYSDALE
TOO, IN FACT, HE ASKED US
TO COME OVER HERE TO MEET YOU.

TOO, IN FACT, HE ASKED US
TO COME OVER HERE TO MEET YOU.
IN THAT CASE, BE MY GUEST.

TO COME OVER HERE TO MEET YOU.
IN THAT CASE, BE MY GUEST.
GRANNY.

IN THAT CASE, BE MY GUEST.
GRANNY.
[GRANNY SHOUTS]

GRANNY.
[GRANNY SHOUTS]
PLEASE, SIT, SIT, SIT.

[GRANNY SHOUTS]
PLEASE, SIT, SIT, SIT.
PLEASE, SIT.

PLEASE, SIT, SIT, SIT.
PLEASE, SIT.
THIS IS MY ONLY SON, MUDHAT.

PLEASE, SIT.
THIS IS MY ONLY SON, MUDHAT.
HI.

THIS IS MY ONLY SON, MUDHAT.
HI.
HE IS A FRESHMAN AT U.S.C..

HI.
HE IS A FRESHMAN AT U.S.C..
ARE YOU NOT THE TAXI DRIVER

HE IS A FRESHMAN AT U.S.C..
ARE YOU NOT THE TAXI DRIVER
WHO DROVE ME BETWEEN TERMINALS

ARE YOU NOT THE TAXI DRIVER
WHO DROVE ME BETWEEN TERMINALS
AND CHARGED ME ONLY $190?

WHO DROVE ME BETWEEN TERMINALS
AND CHARGED ME ONLY $190?
OH, NO, NO.

AND CHARGED ME ONLY $190?
OH, NO, NO.
I NEVER DROVE A HACK

OH, NO, NO.
I NEVER DROVE A HACK
IN MY LIFE, MAN.

I NEVER DROVE A HACK
IN MY LIFE, MAN.
[GRANNY SPEAKS GIBBERISH]

GRANNY ADMIRES YOUR WATCH.
HOW MUCH?
I THINK I PAID ABOUT

HOW MUCH?
I THINK I PAID ABOUT
$200 FOR IT.

I THINK I PAID ABOUT
$200 FOR IT.
$300.

$200 FOR IT.
$300.
YOU MEAN, YOU WANNA BUY IT?

$300.
YOU MEAN, YOU WANNA BUY IT?
$500.

YOU MEAN, YOU WANNA BUY IT?
$500.
$500 FOR THIS?

$500.
$500 FOR THIS?
$2,000.

$500 FOR THIS?
$2,000.
[LAUGHTER]

$2,000.
[LAUGHTER]
$2,000?

[LAUGHTER]
$2,000?
$5,000.

$10,000.
WELL, IT SEEMS FAIR.
[LYDELL GAGS]

EXCUSE ME, FATHER.
THIS IS MY DAUGHTER, FATIMA.
WELL, YOU'RE VERY PRETTY,

THIS IS MY DAUGHTER, FATIMA.
WELL, YOU'RE VERY PRETTY,
FATIMA.

WELL, YOU'RE VERY PRETTY,
FATIMA.
MY SISTER IS NOT

FATIMA.
MY SISTER IS NOT
A PROSTITUTE.

MY SISTER IS NOT
A PROSTITUTE.
UH, WHAT I MEANT WAS

A PROSTITUTE.
UH, WHAT I MEANT WAS
FATIMA LOOKS VERY CHASTE.

UH, WHAT I MEANT WAS
FATIMA LOOKS VERY CHASTE.
IMPENETRABLE.

FATIMA LOOKS VERY CHASTE.
IMPENETRABLE.
AH, THANK YOU.

IMPENETRABLE.
AH, THANK YOU.
FATHER, ALL MY AMERICAN

AH, THANK YOU.
FATHER, ALL MY AMERICAN
FRIENDS ARE GOING TO

FATHER, ALL MY AMERICAN
FRIENDS ARE GOING TO
THE FOOTBALL GAME.

FRIENDS ARE GOING TO
THE FOOTBALL GAME.
MAY I PLEASE GO?

THE FOOTBALL GAME.
MAY I PLEASE GO?
NO.

MAY I PLEASE GO?
NO.
[FATIMA CRIES]

NO.
[FATIMA CRIES]
WELL, MR. ASSAD, MAYBE WE

[FATIMA CRIES]
WELL, MR. ASSAD, MAYBE WE
SHOULD GET DOWN TO BUSINESS

WELL, MR. ASSAD, MAYBE WE
SHOULD GET DOWN TO BUSINESS
AS WE SAY IN AMERICA.

SHOULD GET DOWN TO BUSINESS
AS WE SAY IN AMERICA.
YES, BRASS TAX, GO AHEAD.

AS WE SAY IN AMERICA.
YES, BRASS TAX, GO AHEAD.
UH, YES, MR. DRYSDALE ASKED

YES, BRASS TAX, GO AHEAD.
UH, YES, MR. DRYSDALE ASKED
US TO HAVE YOU TAKE YOUR MONEY

UH, YES, MR. DRYSDALE ASKED
US TO HAVE YOU TAKE YOUR MONEY
OUT OF HIS BANK AND PUT INTO

US TO HAVE YOU TAKE YOUR MONEY
OUT OF HIS BANK AND PUT INTO
OUR SAVINGS AND LOAN.

OUT OF HIS BANK AND PUT INTO
OUR SAVINGS AND LOAN.
YES, AND HE SAYS THAT YOU

OUR SAVINGS AND LOAN.
YES, AND HE SAYS THAT YOU
SHOULD DO THIS RIGHT AWAY.

YES, AND HE SAYS THAT YOU
SHOULD DO THIS RIGHT AWAY.
OKAY.

SHOULD DO THIS RIGHT AWAY.
OKAY.
HOW MUCH MONEY DO YOU HAVE

OKAY.
HOW MUCH MONEY DO YOU HAVE
EXACTLY IN MR. DRYSDALE'S BANK?

HOW MUCH MONEY DO YOU HAVE
EXACTLY IN MR. DRYSDALE'S BANK?
UH, 60 MILLION.

EXACTLY IN MR. DRYSDALE'S BANK?
UH, 60 MILLION.
WELL, YOU CAN JUST WRITE

UH, 60 MILLION.
WELL, YOU CAN JUST WRITE
A CHECK OUT TO ME PERSONALLY,

WELL, YOU CAN JUST WRITE
A CHECK OUT TO ME PERSONALLY,
I GUESS, BOB LEWIS.

A CHECK OUT TO ME PERSONALLY,
I GUESS, BOB LEWIS.
BOB?

I GUESS, BOB LEWIS.
BOB?
YEAH, L-E-W...

BOB?
YEAH, L-E-W...
WAIT A MINUTE.

YEAH, L-E-W...
WAIT A MINUTE.
DIDN'T MR. DRYSDALE SAY THAT HE

WAIT A MINUTE.
DIDN'T MR. DRYSDALE SAY THAT HE
SHOULD MAKE OUT TWO CHECKS?

DIDN'T MR. DRYSDALE SAY THAT HE
SHOULD MAKE OUT TWO CHECKS?
ONE FOR YOU AND ONE FOR ME?

SHOULD MAKE OUT TWO CHECKS?
ONE FOR YOU AND ONE FOR ME?
RIGHT, UH...

ONE FOR YOU AND ONE FOR ME?
RIGHT, UH...
MAKE THAT TWO CHECKS.

RIGHT, UH...
MAKE THAT TWO CHECKS.
ANOTHER ONE FOR LYDELL STOKES.

MAKE THAT TWO CHECKS.
ANOTHER ONE FOR LYDELL STOKES.
MAKE MINE FOR $40 MILLION

ANOTHER ONE FOR LYDELL STOKES.
MAKE MINE FOR $40 MILLION
AND HIS FOR $20.

MAKE MINE FOR $40 MILLION
AND HIS FOR $20.
WAIT A MINUTE.

AND HIS FOR $20.
WAIT A MINUTE.
I DISTINCTLY HEARD

WAIT A MINUTE.
I DISTINCTLY HEARD
MR. DRYSDALE SAY 50-50.

I DISTINCTLY HEARD
MR. DRYSDALE SAY 50-50.
[DOORBELL RINGS]

MR. DRYSDALE SAY 50-50.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
BELLS, BELLS AGAIN.

[DOORBELL RINGS]
BELLS, BELLS AGAIN.
I BET THAT THERE IS

BELLS, BELLS AGAIN.
I BET THAT THERE IS
SOMEONE BEHIND THE DOOR AGAIN.

I BET THAT THERE IS
SOMEONE BEHIND THE DOOR AGAIN.
[DOORBELL RINGS]

SOMEONE BEHIND THE DOOR AGAIN.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
EXCUSE US.

[GRANNY SHOUTS]
GRANNY, GRANNY, GRANNY,
IT'S ONLY ME, MISS HATHAWAY.

GRANNY, GRANNY, GRANNY,
IT'S ONLY ME, MISS HATHAWAY.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

IT'S ONLY ME, MISS HATHAWAY.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
I STOPPED BY TO TELL YOU

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
I STOPPED BY TO TELL YOU
THAT THE CAMEL FESTIVAL

I STOPPED BY TO TELL YOU
THAT THE CAMEL FESTIVAL
HAS BEEN UNANIMOUSLY APPROVED.

THAT THE CAMEL FESTIVAL
HAS BEEN UNANIMOUSLY APPROVED.
AND THAT MR. AND MRS. DRYSDALE

HAS BEEN UNANIMOUSLY APPROVED.
AND THAT MR. AND MRS. DRYSDALE
BOTH WILL BE HONORED TO ATTEND.

AND THAT MR. AND MRS. DRYSDALE
BOTH WILL BE HONORED TO ATTEND.
EXCELLENT.

BOTH WILL BE HONORED TO ATTEND.
EXCELLENT.
WE WERE JUST TRANSFERRING OUR

EXCELLENT.
WE WERE JUST TRANSFERRING OUR
MONEY TO BOB AND LYDELL'S BANK.

WE WERE JUST TRANSFERRING OUR
MONEY TO BOB AND LYDELL'S BANK.
YOU WHAT?

MONEY TO BOB AND LYDELL'S BANK.
YOU WHAT?
SIGNING OUR CHECKS

YOU WHAT?
SIGNING OUR CHECKS
FOR BOB AND LYDELL.

SIGNING OUR CHECKS
FOR BOB AND LYDELL.
MR. DRYSDALE'S BANKER FRIENDS.

FOR BOB AND LYDELL.
MR. DRYSDALE'S BANKER FRIENDS.
OH, ABDUL, MUDHAT, I'M SORRY

MR. DRYSDALE'S BANKER FRIENDS.
OH, ABDUL, MUDHAT, I'M SORRY
TO SAY THAT THESE TWO MEN

OH, ABDUL, MUDHAT, I'M SORRY
TO SAY THAT THESE TWO MEN
ARE OBVIOUSLY TRYING TO

TO SAY THAT THESE TWO MEN
ARE OBVIOUSLY TRYING TO
STEAL YOUR MONEY.

ARE OBVIOUSLY TRYING TO
STEAL YOUR MONEY.
THESE INFIDELS.

STEAL YOUR MONEY.
THESE INFIDELS.
SHALL I CALL THE POLICE?

THESE INFIDELS.
SHALL I CALL THE POLICE?
NO, WE KNOW HOW TO

SHALL I CALL THE POLICE?
NO, WE KNOW HOW TO
DEAL WITH THIEVES.

NO, WE KNOW HOW TO
DEAL WITH THIEVES.
[ALL YELLING]

DEAL WITH THIEVES.
[ALL YELLING]
[BANGING]

[ALL YELLING]
[BANGING]
[MEN GROANING]

AH, MAN, THIS IS THE LAST
TIME I WORK WITH YOU!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO

TIME I WORK WITH YOU!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO
DRIVE MY CAB NOW?

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO
DRIVE MY CAB NOW?
AT LEAST I SOLD MY WATCH.

DRIVE MY CAB NOW?
AT LEAST I SOLD MY WATCH.
[GRANNY SHOUTS]

YES, GRANNY, YOU WERE RIGHT.
MAYBE I WAS TOO STRICT.
FATIMA!

MAYBE I WAS TOO STRICT.
FATIMA!
FATIMA!

FATIMA!
FATIMA!
YES, FATHER?

FATIMA!
YES, FATHER?
YOU CAN GO TO THE GAME.

YES, FATHER?
YOU CAN GO TO THE GAME.
[FATIMA LAUGHS]

♪ AND NOW IT'S TIME
TO SAY GOODBYE ♪
♪ TO ABDUL AND ALL HIS KIN ♪

♪ THEY'D LIKE TO STOP AND
THANK YOU FOLKS ♪

THANK YOU FOLKS ♪
♪ FOR KINDLY DROPPING IN ♪

♪ FOR KINDLY DROPPING IN ♪
♪ YOU'RE ALL INVITED

♪ YOU'RE ALL INVITED
BACK NEXT WEEK ♪

BACK NEXT WEEK ♪
♪ TO THIS LOCALITY ♪

♪ TO THIS LOCALITY ♪
♪ TO HAVE A HEAPIN' HELPIN'

♪ TO HAVE A HEAPIN' HELPIN'
OF THEIR HOSPITALITY ♪

OF THEIR HOSPITALITY ♪
Man: FREE WATER, THAT IS.

Man: FREE WATER, THAT IS.
ALL YOU CAN DRINK.

ALL YOU CAN DRINK.
YA'LL COME BACK NOW, YA HEAR?

YA'LL COME BACK NOW, YA HEAR?
♪ [BANJO MUSIC PLAYS] ♪

♪ [BANJO MUSIC PLAYS] ♪
[APPLAUSE]

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
RANDY NEWMAN.
[APPLAUSE]

RANDY NEWMAN.
[APPLAUSE]
[♪...]

♪ DON'T LOVE THE MOUNTAINS ♪
♪ DON'T LOVE THE SEA ♪
♪ DON'T LOVE JESUS ♪

♪ DON'T LOVE THE SEA ♪
♪ DON'T LOVE JESUS ♪
♪ HE NEVER DONE A THING FOR ME ♪

♪ DON'T LOVE JESUS ♪
♪ HE NEVER DONE A THING FOR ME ♪
♪ AIN'T PRETTY LIKE MY SISTER ♪

♪ HE NEVER DONE A THING FOR ME ♪
♪ AIN'T PRETTY LIKE MY SISTER ♪
♪ OR SMART LIKE MY DAD ♪

♪ AIN'T PRETTY LIKE MY SISTER ♪
♪ OR SMART LIKE MY DAD ♪
♪ OR GOOD LIKE MY MAMA ♪

♪ IT'S MONEY THAT I LOVE ♪

♪ THEY SAY THAT MONEY ♪
♪ CAN'T BUY LOVE IN THIS WORLD ♪
♪ BUT IT'LL GET YOU

♪ CAN'T BUY LOVE IN THIS WORLD ♪
♪ BUT IT'LL GET YOU
HALF-POUND OF COCAINE ♪

♪ BUT IT'LL GET YOU
HALF-POUND OF COCAINE ♪
♪ AND A 16-YEAR-OLD GIRL ♪

HALF-POUND OF COCAINE ♪
♪ AND A 16-YEAR-OLD GIRL ♪
♪ AND A GREAT BIG

♪ AND A 16-YEAR-OLD GIRL ♪
♪ AND A GREAT BIG
LONG LIMOUSINE ♪

♪ AND A GREAT BIG
LONG LIMOUSINE ♪
♪ ON A HOT SEPTEMBER NIGHT ♪

LONG LIMOUSINE ♪
♪ ON A HOT SEPTEMBER NIGHT ♪
♪ NOW THAT MAY NOT BE LOVE ♪

♪ ON A HOT SEPTEMBER NIGHT ♪
♪ NOW THAT MAY NOT BE LOVE ♪
♪ BUT IT IS ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ NOW THAT MAY NOT BE LOVE ♪
♪ BUT IT IS ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ ONE... TWO ♪

♪ BUT IT IS ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ ONE... TWO ♪
♪ IT'S MONEY THAT I LOVE ♪

♪ ONE... TWO ♪
♪ IT'S MONEY THAT I LOVE ♪
♪ WANNA KISS YOU ♪

♪ IT'S MONEY THAT I LOVE ♪
♪ WANNA KISS YOU ♪
♪ THREE... FOUR ♪

♪ WANNA KISS YOU ♪
♪ THREE... FOUR ♪
♪ IT'S MONEY THAT I LOVE ♪

♪ THREE... FOUR ♪
♪ IT'S MONEY THAT I LOVE ♪
[♪...]

♪ USED TO WORRY ABOUT THE POOR ♪
♪ BUT I DON'T WORRY ANYMORE ♪
♪ USED TO WORRY ABOUT ♪

♪ BUT I DON'T WORRY ANYMORE ♪
♪ USED TO WORRY ABOUT ♪
♪ THE BLACK MAN ♪

♪ USED TO WORRY ABOUT ♪
♪ THE BLACK MAN ♪
♪ NOW I DON'T WORRY ABOUT ♪

♪ THE BLACK MAN ♪
♪ NOW I DON'T WORRY ABOUT ♪
♪ THE BLACK MAN ♪

♪ NOW I DON'T WORRY ABOUT ♪
♪ THE BLACK MAN ♪
♪ USED TO WORRY ABOUT ♪

♪ THE BLACK MAN ♪
♪ USED TO WORRY ABOUT ♪
♪ THE STARVING CHILDREN

♪ USED TO WORRY ABOUT ♪
♪ THE STARVING CHILDREN
OF INDIA ♪

♪ THE STARVING CHILDREN
OF INDIA ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I SAY ABOUT ♪

OF INDIA ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I SAY ABOUT ♪
♪ THE STARVING CHILDREN

♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I SAY ABOUT ♪
♪ THE STARVING CHILDREN
OF INDIA ♪

♪ THE STARVING CHILDREN
OF INDIA ♪
♪ I SAY, "OH MAMA" ♪

♪ IT'S MONEY THAT I LOVE ♪
♪ IT'S MONEY THAT I LOVE ♪

♪ IT'S MONEY THAT I LOVE ♪
♪ IT'S MONEY THAT I LOVE ♪
♪ IT'S MONEY THAT I LOVE ♪

♪ IT'S MONEY THAT I LOVE ♪
♪ IT'S MONEY THAT I LOVE ♪
♪ IT'S MONEY THAT I LOVE ♪

♪ IT'S MONEY THAT I LOVE ♪
♪ IT'S MONEY THAT I LOVE ♪
♪ IT'S MONEY THAT I LOVE ♪

♪ IT'S MONEY THAT I LOVE ♪
♪ IT'S MONEY THAT I LOVE ♪
♪ IT'S MONEY THAT I LOVE ♪

♪ IT'S MONEY THAT I LOVE ♪
♪ IT'S MONEY THAT I LOVE ♪
[♪...]

[APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THIS IS ANOTHER RELIGIOUS NUMBER
FROM THE NEW ALBUM.
[♪...]

[♪...]

♪ GONNA TAKE OFF MY PANTS ♪
♪ GONNA TAKE OFF MY PANTS ♪
♪ GONNA TAKE OFF MY PANTS ♪

♪ GONNA TAKE OFF MY PANTS ♪
♪ GONNA TAKE OFF MY PANTS ♪
♪ GONNA TAKE OFF MY PANTS ♪

♪ GONNA TAKE OFF MY PANTS ♪
♪ GONNA TAKE OFF MY PANTS ♪
♪ AND YOUR MAMA CAN'T STOP ME ♪

♪ GONNA TAKE OFF MY PANTS ♪
♪ AND YOUR MAMA CAN'T STOP ME ♪
♪ AND YOUR PAPA CAN'T STOP ME ♪

♪ AND YOUR MAMA CAN'T STOP ME ♪
♪ AND YOUR PAPA CAN'T STOP ME ♪
♪ AND POLICE CAN'T STOP ME ♪

♪ AND YOUR PAPA CAN'T STOP ME ♪
♪ AND POLICE CAN'T STOP ME ♪
♪ NO ONE CAN STOP ME ♪

♪ GONNA DO IT RIGHT NOW ♪
♪ GONNA DO IT RIGHT NOW ♪
♪ I'M GONNA TAKE OFF MY PANTS ♪

♪ GONNA DO IT RIGHT NOW ♪
♪ I'M GONNA TAKE OFF MY PANTS ♪
♪ GONNA TAKE OFF MY PANTS ♪

♪ I'M GONNA TAKE OFF MY PANTS ♪
♪ GONNA TAKE OFF MY PANTS ♪
♪ AND YOUR TEACHERS

♪ GONNA TAKE OFF MY PANTS ♪
♪ AND YOUR TEACHERS
CAN'T STOP ME ♪

♪ AND YOUR TEACHERS
CAN'T STOP ME ♪
♪ AND YOUR PRIESTS

CAN'T STOP ME ♪
♪ AND YOUR PRIESTS
CAN'T STOP ME ♪

♪ AND YOUR PRIESTS
CAN'T STOP ME ♪
♪ AND THE FIREMEN

CAN'T STOP ME ♪
♪ AND THE FIREMEN
CAN'T STOP ME ♪

♪ AND THE FIREMEN
CAN'T STOP ME ♪
♪ PRESIDENT CAN'T STOP ME ♪

♪ WILL YOU TAKE OFF MY PANTS? ♪

♪ WILL YOU TAKE OFF MY PANTS? ♪

[♪...]

[APPLAUSE]

Announcer: AND NOW,
WEEKEND UPDATE WITH THE
WEEKEND UPDATE NEWS TEAM.

WEEKEND UPDATE WITH THE
WEEKEND UPDATE NEWS TEAM.
HERE ARE ANCHOR PERSONS

WEEKEND UPDATE NEWS TEAM.
HERE ARE ANCHOR PERSONS
BILL MURRAY AND JANE CURTIN.

HERE ARE ANCHOR PERSONS
BILL MURRAY AND JANE CURTIN.
GOOD EVENING,

BILL MURRAY AND JANE CURTIN.
GOOD EVENING,
I'M JANE CURTIN.

GOOD EVENING,
I'M JANE CURTIN.
HERE NOW THE NEWS...

I'M JANE CURTIN.
HERE NOW THE NEWS...
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT:

HERE NOW THE NEWS...
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT:
SENATOR EDWARD KENNEDY'S WIFE,

OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT:
SENATOR EDWARD KENNEDY'S WIFE,
JOAN, WHO HAS LIVED ALONE FOR

SENATOR EDWARD KENNEDY'S WIFE,
JOAN, WHO HAS LIVED ALONE FOR
THE PAST TWO YEARS, SAID THIS

JOAN, WHO HAS LIVED ALONE FOR
THE PAST TWO YEARS, SAID THIS
WEEK THAT IF HER HUSBAND WERE

THE PAST TWO YEARS, SAID THIS
WEEK THAT IF HER HUSBAND WERE
ELECTED PRESIDENT SHE WOULD LIVE

WEEK THAT IF HER HUSBAND WERE
ELECTED PRESIDENT SHE WOULD LIVE
IN THE WHITE HOUSE.

ELECTED PRESIDENT SHE WOULD LIVE
IN THE WHITE HOUSE.
KENNEDY, INFORMED OF HER

IN THE WHITE HOUSE.
KENNEDY, INFORMED OF HER
DECISION, IMMEDIATELY

KENNEDY, INFORMED OF HER
DECISION, IMMEDIATELY
WITHDREW FROM THE RACE.

DECISION, IMMEDIATELY
WITHDREW FROM THE RACE.
[LAUGHTER]

WITHDREW FROM THE RACE.
[LAUGHTER]
A NEW BOOK ABOUT THE SUPREME

[LAUGHTER]
A NEW BOOK ABOUT THE SUPREME
COURT CALLED "THE BRETHREN"

A NEW BOOK ABOUT THE SUPREME
COURT CALLED "THE BRETHREN"
PAINTS AN UNFLATTERING PORTRAIT

COURT CALLED "THE BRETHREN"
PAINTS AN UNFLATTERING PORTRAIT
OF THE GROUP OF NINE JUSTICES.

PAINTS AN UNFLATTERING PORTRAIT
OF THE GROUP OF NINE JUSTICES.
THE BOOK WRITTEN BY BOB WOODWARD

OF THE GROUP OF NINE JUSTICES.
THE BOOK WRITTEN BY BOB WOODWARD
AND SCOTT ARMSTRONG IS HARDEST

THE BOOK WRITTEN BY BOB WOODWARD
AND SCOTT ARMSTRONG IS HARDEST
ON CHIEF JUSTICE WARREN BERGER...

AND SCOTT ARMSTRONG IS HARDEST
ON CHIEF JUSTICE WARREN BERGER...
A NIXON APPOINTEE, WHO APPEARS

ON CHIEF JUSTICE WARREN BERGER...
A NIXON APPOINTEE, WHO APPEARS
AS A POMPOUS, INCOMPETENT

A NIXON APPOINTEE, WHO APPEARS
AS A POMPOUS, INCOMPETENT
BRAGGART, TOTALLY UNSCHOOLED

AS A POMPOUS, INCOMPETENT
BRAGGART, TOTALLY UNSCHOOLED
IN CONSTITUTIONAL LAW.

BRAGGART, TOTALLY UNSCHOOLED
IN CONSTITUTIONAL LAW.
TODAY IN AN INTERVIEW,

IN CONSTITUTIONAL LAW.
TODAY IN AN INTERVIEW,
BERGER CRITICIZED THE BOOK

TODAY IN AN INTERVIEW,
BERGER CRITICIZED THE BOOK
AND SAID HE WANTED TO KNOW WHERE

BERGER CRITICIZED THE BOOK
AND SAID HE WANTED TO KNOW WHERE
WOODWARD AND ARMSTRONG GOT

AND SAID HE WANTED TO KNOW WHERE
WOODWARD AND ARMSTRONG GOT
THE RIGHT TO PRINT SUCH A THING.

WOODWARD AND ARMSTRONG GOT
THE RIGHT TO PRINT SUCH A THING.
WITH GREATER SHORTAGES EXPECTED

THE RIGHT TO PRINT SUCH A THING.
WITH GREATER SHORTAGES EXPECTED
DUE TO THE CUTOFF OF

WITH GREATER SHORTAGES EXPECTED
DUE TO THE CUTOFF OF
IRANIAN OIL IMPORTS, A REVIVAL

DUE TO THE CUTOFF OF
IRANIAN OIL IMPORTS, A REVIVAL
OF THE ODD-EVEN GAS RATIONING

IRANIAN OIL IMPORTS, A REVIVAL
OF THE ODD-EVEN GAS RATIONING
PLAN IS ANTICIPATED IN MANY

OF THE ODD-EVEN GAS RATIONING
PLAN IS ANTICIPATED IN MANY
STATES.

PLAN IS ANTICIPATED IN MANY
STATES.
HOWEVER, BECAUSE OF NEGATIVE

STATES.
HOWEVER, BECAUSE OF NEGATIVE
REACTION VOICED BY A MAJORITY OF

HOWEVER, BECAUSE OF NEGATIVE
REACTION VOICED BY A MAJORITY OF
CITIZENS, THE ODD-EVEN PLAN HAS

REACTION VOICED BY A MAJORITY OF
CITIZENS, THE ODD-EVEN PLAN HAS
BEEN MODIFIED, AND WILL ONLY BE

CITIZENS, THE ODD-EVEN PLAN HAS
BEEN MODIFIED, AND WILL ONLY BE
IN EFFECT IN EVERY OTHER DAY.

BEEN MODIFIED, AND WILL ONLY BE
IN EFFECT IN EVERY OTHER DAY.
BILL?

IN EFFECT IN EVERY OTHER DAY.
BILL?
NANCY LOPEZ RETURNED TO

BILL?
NANCY LOPEZ RETURNED TO
THE WOMEN'S GOLF TOUR THIS WEEK

NANCY LOPEZ RETURNED TO
THE WOMEN'S GOLF TOUR THIS WEEK
AFTER A VERY CLOSE CALL

THE WOMEN'S GOLF TOUR THIS WEEK
AFTER A VERY CLOSE CALL
DURING A THUNDERSTORM.

AFTER A VERY CLOSE CALL
DURING A THUNDERSTORM.
STILL A BIT WEAK FROM THE

DURING A THUNDERSTORM.
STILL A BIT WEAK FROM THE
EXPERIENCE, MS. LOPEZ PLAYED

STILL A BIT WEAK FROM THE
EXPERIENCE, MS. LOPEZ PLAYED
ONLY ONE HOLE AND THEN WITHDREW

EXPERIENCE, MS. LOPEZ PLAYED
ONLY ONE HOLE AND THEN WITHDREW
FROM THE CARA WILLIAMS CLASSIC.

ONLY ONE HOLE AND THEN WITHDREW
FROM THE CARA WILLIAMS CLASSIC.
FRAGMENTS OF PAPYRUS ROLLS FOUND

FROM THE CARA WILLIAMS CLASSIC.
FRAGMENTS OF PAPYRUS ROLLS FOUND
IN A CAVE BENEATH THE ANCIENT

FRAGMENTS OF PAPYRUS ROLLS FOUND
IN A CAVE BENEATH THE ANCIENT
PALESTINIAN CITY OF JERICHO

IN A CAVE BENEATH THE ANCIENT
PALESTINIAN CITY OF JERICHO
HAVE BEEN RECONSTRUCTED AND

PALESTINIAN CITY OF JERICHO
HAVE BEEN RECONSTRUCTED AND
IDENTIFIED BY A HARVARD

HAVE BEEN RECONSTRUCTED AND
IDENTIFIED BY A HARVARD
PROFESSOR AS ONE OF THE MOST

IDENTIFIED BY A HARVARD
PROFESSOR AS ONE OF THE MOST
IMPORTANT DOCUMENT FINDS SINCE

PROFESSOR AS ONE OF THE MOST
IMPORTANT DOCUMENT FINDS SINCE
THE DEAD SEA SCROLLS

IMPORTANT DOCUMENT FINDS SINCE
THE DEAD SEA SCROLLS
WERE DISCOVERED.

THE DEAD SEA SCROLLS
WERE DISCOVERED.
FOUND IN RUINS THAT WERE ONCE

WERE DISCOVERED.
FOUND IN RUINS THAT WERE ONCE
PART OF THE DOMAIN OF ALEXANDER

FOUND IN RUINS THAT WERE ONCE
PART OF THE DOMAIN OF ALEXANDER
THE GREAT, A ROUGH TRANSLATION

PART OF THE DOMAIN OF ALEXANDER
THE GREAT, A ROUGH TRANSLATION
OF THIS DOCUMENT READS:

THE GREAT, A ROUGH TRANSLATION
OF THIS DOCUMENT READS:
"SEND TWO GEESE TO THE FIRST

OF THIS DOCUMENT READS:
"SEND TWO GEESE TO THE FIRST
NAME ON THIS LIST THEN COPY THIS

"SEND TWO GEESE TO THE FIRST
NAME ON THIS LIST THEN COPY THIS
SCROLL AND DELIVER IT TO

NAME ON THIS LIST THEN COPY THIS
SCROLL AND DELIVER IT TO
AN EVEN SCORE OF YOUR BRETHREN.

SCROLL AND DELIVER IT TO
AN EVEN SCORE OF YOUR BRETHREN.
PLEASE DO NOT BREAK THIS CHAIN

AN EVEN SCORE OF YOUR BRETHREN.
PLEASE DO NOT BREAK THIS CHAIN
OR YOUR ENTIRE EMPIRE

PLEASE DO NOT BREAK THIS CHAIN
OR YOUR ENTIRE EMPIRE
WILL CRUMBLE."

OR YOUR ENTIRE EMPIRE
WILL CRUMBLE."
[LAUGHTER]

WILL CRUMBLE."
[LAUGHTER]
McDONALD'S REPORTED THIS WEEK

[LAUGHTER]
McDONALD'S REPORTED THIS WEEK
THAT IT WILL BE ALTERING THE

McDONALD'S REPORTED THIS WEEK
THAT IT WILL BE ALTERING THE
DESIGN OF IT'S COFFEE STIRRERS

THAT IT WILL BE ALTERING THE
DESIGN OF IT'S COFFEE STIRRERS
BECAUSE IT HAS BEEN DISCOVERED

DESIGN OF IT'S COFFEE STIRRERS
BECAUSE IT HAS BEEN DISCOVERED
THAT SOME PEOPLE HAVE BEEN

BECAUSE IT HAS BEEN DISCOVERED
THAT SOME PEOPLE HAVE BEEN
USING THEM, QUOTE:

THAT SOME PEOPLE HAVE BEEN
USING THEM, QUOTE:
"ILLEGALLY AND ILLICITLY FOR

USING THEM, QUOTE:
"ILLEGALLY AND ILLICITLY FOR
PURPOSES FOR WHICH

"ILLEGALLY AND ILLICITLY FOR
PURPOSES FOR WHICH
THEY WERE NOT INTENDED."

PURPOSES FOR WHICH
THEY WERE NOT INTENDED."
UNQUOTE.

THEY WERE NOT INTENDED."
UNQUOTE.
THE PLASTIC MIXERS HAVE LONG

UNQUOTE.
THE PLASTIC MIXERS HAVE LONG
HANDLES AND TINY BOWLS

THE PLASTIC MIXERS HAVE LONG
HANDLES AND TINY BOWLS
WHICH MAKE THEM SUITABLE TOOLS

HANDLES AND TINY BOWLS
WHICH MAKE THEM SUITABLE TOOLS
FOR SNIFFING COCAINE.

WHICH MAKE THEM SUITABLE TOOLS
FOR SNIFFING COCAINE.
TO DISCOURAGE DRUG USE,

FOR SNIFFING COCAINE.
TO DISCOURAGE DRUG USE,
McDONALD'S SAID THEY WOULD

TO DISCOURAGE DRUG USE,
McDONALD'S SAID THEY WOULD
REDESIGN THE COFFEE STIRRERS

McDONALD'S SAID THEY WOULD
REDESIGN THE COFFEE STIRRERS
TO LOOK SOMETHING LIKE THIS:

REDESIGN THE COFFEE STIRRERS
TO LOOK SOMETHING LIKE THIS:
[LAUGHTER]

TO LOOK SOMETHING LIKE THIS:
[LAUGHTER]
ACCORDING TO JEWISH LAWS,

[LAUGHTER]
ACCORDING TO JEWISH LAWS,
ONLY THE CHILDREN OF JEWISH

ACCORDING TO JEWISH LAWS,
ONLY THE CHILDREN OF JEWISH
MOTHERS ARE RECOGNIZED

ONLY THE CHILDREN OF JEWISH
MOTHERS ARE RECOGNIZED
AS JEWISH BY BIRTH.

MOTHERS ARE RECOGNIZED
AS JEWISH BY BIRTH.
THIS WEEK RESPONDING TO AN

AS JEWISH BY BIRTH.
THIS WEEK RESPONDING TO AN
INCREASE IN MARRIAGES BETWEEN

THIS WEEK RESPONDING TO AN
INCREASE IN MARRIAGES BETWEEN
JEWISH MEN AND NON-JEWISH WOMEN,

INCREASE IN MARRIAGES BETWEEN
JEWISH MEN AND NON-JEWISH WOMEN,
RABBI ALEXANDER SCHINDLER

JEWISH MEN AND NON-JEWISH WOMEN,
RABBI ALEXANDER SCHINDLER
PROPOSED THAT "JEWISHNESS"

RABBI ALEXANDER SCHINDLER
PROPOSED THAT "JEWISHNESS"
BE RECOGNIZED THROUGH THE FATHER

PROPOSED THAT "JEWISHNESS"
BE RECOGNIZED THROUGH THE FATHER
AS WELL AS THE MOTHER.

BE RECOGNIZED THROUGH THE FATHER
AS WELL AS THE MOTHER.
WELL, THIS STORY REPRESENTS

AS WELL AS THE MOTHER.
WELL, THIS STORY REPRESENTS
THE MOST FREQUENT USE OF THE

WELL, THIS STORY REPRESENTS
THE MOST FREQUENT USE OF THE
WORD JEWISH IN ANY ONE STORY

THE MOST FREQUENT USE OF THE
WORD JEWISH IN ANY ONE STORY
IN THE HISTORY OF T.V. NEWS.

WORD JEWISH IN ANY ONE STORY
IN THE HISTORY OF T.V. NEWS.
ANOTHER FIRST

IN THE HISTORY OF T.V. NEWS.
ANOTHER FIRST
FOR WEEKEND UPDATE.

ANOTHER FIRST
FOR WEEKEND UPDATE.
AND AN EMBARRASSING NOTE:

FOR WEEKEND UPDATE.
AND AN EMBARRASSING NOTE:
19-YEAR-OLD ANITA DARK OF

AND AN EMBARRASSING NOTE:
19-YEAR-OLD ANITA DARK OF
ST. PETERSBURG, FLORIDA, FILED

19-YEAR-OLD ANITA DARK OF
ST. PETERSBURG, FLORIDA, FILED
A PATERNITY SUIT THIS WEEK,

ST. PETERSBURG, FLORIDA, FILED
A PATERNITY SUIT THIS WEEK,
AND CLAIMED THE FATHER IS

A PATERNITY SUIT THIS WEEK,
AND CLAIMED THE FATHER IS
WEEKEND UPDATE SPORTSCASTER

AND CLAIMED THE FATHER IS
WEEKEND UPDATE SPORTSCASTER
CHICO ESCUELA.

WEEKEND UPDATE SPORTSCASTER
CHICO ESCUELA.
MS. DARK ALLEGED THAT SHE BECAME

CHICO ESCUELA.
MS. DARK ALLEGED THAT SHE BECAME
INTIMATE WITH MR. ESCUELA

MS. DARK ALLEGED THAT SHE BECAME
INTIMATE WITH MR. ESCUELA
LAST SPRING, WHEN CHICO

INTIMATE WITH MR. ESCUELA
LAST SPRING, WHEN CHICO
WAS IN FLORIDA ATTEMPTING A

LAST SPRING, WHEN CHICO
WAS IN FLORIDA ATTEMPTING A
COMEBACK WITH THE NEW YORK METS.

WAS IN FLORIDA ATTEMPTING A
COMEBACK WITH THE NEW YORK METS.
ON ADVICE FROM HIS LAWYER, CHICO

COMEBACK WITH THE NEW YORK METS.
ON ADVICE FROM HIS LAWYER, CHICO
CAN'T COMMENT ON ANITA DARK,

ON ADVICE FROM HIS LAWYER, CHICO
CAN'T COMMENT ON ANITA DARK,
BUT HE IS HERE TO TELL US

CAN'T COMMENT ON ANITA DARK,
BUT HE IS HERE TO TELL US
THIS WEEK ABOUT SPORTS.

BUT HE IS HERE TO TELL US
THIS WEEK ABOUT SPORTS.
WELCOME HOME, CHICO!

THIS WEEK ABOUT SPORTS.
WELCOME HOME, CHICO!
THANK YOU, HANE.

WELCOME HOME, CHICO!
THANK YOU, HANE.
BASEBALL BIN BERRY BERRY

THANK YOU, HANE.
BASEBALL BIN BERRY BERRY
GOOD TO ME.

BASEBALL BIN BERRY BERRY
GOOD TO ME.
ANITA DARK BIN BERRY BERRY

GOOD TO ME.
ANITA DARK BIN BERRY BERRY
GOOD TO ME.

ANITA DARK BIN BERRY BERRY
GOOD TO ME.
[LAUGHTER]

GOOD TO ME.
[LAUGHTER]
BUT CHICO CAN'T TALK ABOUT IT.

[LAUGHTER]
BUT CHICO CAN'T TALK ABOUT IT.
IN SPORTS, CHARLES WHITE

BUT CHICO CAN'T TALK ABOUT IT.
IN SPORTS, CHARLES WHITE
WON THE... HOW DO YOU SAY...

IN SPORTS, CHARLES WHITE
WON THE... HOW DO YOU SAY...
HEISMAN TROPHY.

WON THE... HOW DO YOU SAY...
HEISMAN TROPHY.
NOW, LOOK AT THIS RUN.

HEISMAN TROPHY.
NOW, LOOK AT THIS RUN.
CHARLES WHITE IS THE BEST

NOW, LOOK AT THIS RUN.
CHARLES WHITE IS THE BEST
FOOTBALL PLAYER

CHARLES WHITE IS THE BEST
FOOTBALL PLAYER
EN LOS ESTADOS UNIDOS.

FOOTBALL PLAYER
EN LOS ESTADOS UNIDOS.
GO CHARLES!

EN LOS ESTADOS UNIDOS.
GO CHARLES!
THAT'S FOR SURE.

GO CHARLES!
THAT'S FOR SURE.
CHARLES WHITE IS

THAT'S FOR SURE.
CHARLES WHITE IS
BERRY, BERRY GOOD PLAYER.

CHARLES WHITE IS
BERRY, BERRY GOOD PLAYER.
HE RUN WITH AUTHORITY.

BERRY, BERRY GOOD PLAYER.
HE RUN WITH AUTHORITY.
CHICO RUN FROM AUTHORITY...

HE RUN WITH AUTHORITY.
CHICO RUN FROM AUTHORITY...
BUT, BUT I CAN'T TALK ABOUT IT.

CHICO RUN FROM AUTHORITY...
BUT, BUT I CAN'T TALK ABOUT IT.
DARRELL DAWKINS DOES IT AGAIN.

BUT, BUT I CAN'T TALK ABOUT IT.
DARRELL DAWKINS DOES IT AGAIN.
LOOK AT THIS.

DARRELL DAWKINS DOES IT AGAIN.
LOOK AT THIS.
HE BREAK THE GLASS!

LOOK AT THIS.
HE BREAK THE GLASS!
HE BREAK THE GLASS.

HE BREAK THE GLASS!
HE BREAK THE GLASS.
HE BREAK IT.

HE BREAK THE GLASS.
HE BREAK IT.
WHY DO THEY USE GLASS?

HE BREAK IT.
WHY DO THEY USE GLASS?
THE BACKBOARD SHOULD BE

WHY DO THEY USE GLASS?
THE BACKBOARD SHOULD BE
STRONGER!

THE BACKBOARD SHOULD BE
STRONGER!
SHOULD USE CEMENT, OR STEEL,

STRONGER!
SHOULD USE CEMENT, OR STEEL,
OR IRON... NOT RUBBER!

SHOULD USE CEMENT, OR STEEL,
OR IRON... NOT RUBBER!
NOT RUBBER.

OR IRON... NOT RUBBER!
NOT RUBBER.
RUBBER BREAKS!

NOT RUBBER.
RUBBER BREAKS!
BUT I CAN'T TALK ABOUT IT.

RUBBER BREAKS!
BUT I CAN'T TALK ABOUT IT.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

BACK TO YOU, HANE.
NICE WORK, CHICO.
YESTERDAY DECEMBER 7th

NICE WORK, CHICO.
YESTERDAY DECEMBER 7th
WAS THE 38th ANNIVERSARY

YESTERDAY DECEMBER 7th
WAS THE 38th ANNIVERSARY
OF THE JAPANESE SNEAK ATTACK

WAS THE 38th ANNIVERSARY
OF THE JAPANESE SNEAK ATTACK
ON PEARL HARBOR.

OF THE JAPANESE SNEAK ATTACK
ON PEARL HARBOR.
COINCIDENTALLY, LAST TUESDAY

ON PEARL HARBOR.
COINCIDENTALLY, LAST TUESDAY
DECEMBER 4th WAS THE 38th

COINCIDENTALLY, LAST TUESDAY
DECEMBER 4th WAS THE 38th
ANNIVERSARY OF THE DAY THAT

DECEMBER 4th WAS THE 38th
ANNIVERSARY OF THE DAY THAT
PRESIDENT FRANKLIN D. ROOSEVELT

ANNIVERSARY OF THE DAY THAT
PRESIDENT FRANKLIN D. ROOSEVELT
WAS INFORMED THAT THERE

PRESIDENT FRANKLIN D. ROOSEVELT
WAS INFORMED THAT THERE
WOULD BE A SNEAK ATTACK.

WAS INFORMED THAT THERE
WOULD BE A SNEAK ATTACK.
BILL?

WOULD BE A SNEAK ATTACK.
BILL?
DUE TO THE RECENT CRISIS,

BILL?
DUE TO THE RECENT CRISIS,
THERE'S BEEN A DRAMATIC CHANGE

DUE TO THE RECENT CRISIS,
THERE'S BEEN A DRAMATIC CHANGE
IN THE LATEST "WEEKEND UPDATE"

THERE'S BEEN A DRAMATIC CHANGE
IN THE LATEST "WEEKEND UPDATE"
GLICKMAN POLL OF PRESIDENTIAL

IN THE LATEST "WEEKEND UPDATE"
GLICKMAN POLL OF PRESIDENTIAL
HOPEFULS.

GLICKMAN POLL OF PRESIDENTIAL
HOPEFULS.
AS YOU CAN SEE, IT'S STILL

HOPEFULS.
AS YOU CAN SEE, IT'S STILL
VERY CLOSE BETWEEN CARTER

AS YOU CAN SEE, IT'S STILL
VERY CLOSE BETWEEN CARTER
AND KENNEDY, AND THEIR TOUGH

VERY CLOSE BETWEEN CARTER
AND KENNEDY, AND THEIR TOUGH
BATTLE MAY BE THE REASON

AND KENNEDY, AND THEIR TOUGH
BATTLE MAY BE THE REASON
GLICKMAN IS SO FAR AHEAD

BATTLE MAY BE THE REASON
GLICKMAN IS SO FAR AHEAD
THIS EARLY IN THE CAMPAIGN.

GLICKMAN IS SO FAR AHEAD
THIS EARLY IN THE CAMPAIGN.
NEEDLESS TO SAY, THE GLICKMAN

THIS EARLY IN THE CAMPAIGN.
NEEDLESS TO SAY, THE GLICKMAN
CAMP IS CAUTIOUSLY OPTIMISTIC.

NEEDLESS TO SAY, THE GLICKMAN
CAMP IS CAUTIOUSLY OPTIMISTIC.
GOOD LUCK, GLICKER.

CAMP IS CAUTIOUSLY OPTIMISTIC.
GOOD LUCK, GLICKER.
HOLLYWOOD SUPERSTAR STEVE

GOOD LUCK, GLICKER.
HOLLYWOOD SUPERSTAR STEVE
McQUEEN SAID THIS WEEK

HOLLYWOOD SUPERSTAR STEVE
McQUEEN SAID THIS WEEK
HE WOULD NOT CONSIDER ANY MOVIE

McQUEEN SAID THIS WEEK
HE WOULD NOT CONSIDER ANY MOVIE
DEAL IN THE FUTURE, OR EVEN READ

HE WOULD NOT CONSIDER ANY MOVIE
DEAL IN THE FUTURE, OR EVEN READ
A SCRIPT, UNLESS HE WAS

DEAL IN THE FUTURE, OR EVEN READ
A SCRIPT, UNLESS HE WAS
GUARANTEED A MINIMUM OF

A SCRIPT, UNLESS HE WAS
GUARANTEED A MINIMUM OF
$5 MILLION AND 15%

GUARANTEED A MINIMUM OF
$5 MILLION AND 15%
OF THE DOMESTIC GROSS.

$5 MILLION AND 15%
OF THE DOMESTIC GROSS.
MCQUEEN HAS AGREED, HOWEVER,

OF THE DOMESTIC GROSS.
MCQUEEN HAS AGREED, HOWEVER,
TO READ A NEWSPAPER FOR ONLY

MCQUEEN HAS AGREED, HOWEVER,
TO READ A NEWSPAPER FOR ONLY
$2 MILLION, AND ALSO LOCAL

TO READ A NEWSPAPER FOR ONLY
$2 MILLION, AND ALSO LOCAL
TRAFFIC SIGNS FOR A FEE THAT CAN

$2 MILLION, AND ALSO LOCAL
TRAFFIC SIGNS FOR A FEE THAT CAN
BE NEGOTIATED THROUGH HIS AGENT.

TRAFFIC SIGNS FOR A FEE THAT CAN
BE NEGOTIATED THROUGH HIS AGENT.
[LAUGHTER]

BE NEGOTIATED THROUGH HIS AGENT.
[LAUGHTER]
THE BRITISH ROCK GROUP THE WHO,

[LAUGHTER]
THE BRITISH ROCK GROUP THE WHO,
CINCINNATI'S RIVERFRONT STADIUM,

THE BRITISH ROCK GROUP THE WHO,
CINCINNATI'S RIVERFRONT STADIUM,
AND A CONCERT PROMOTER WERE

CINCINNATI'S RIVERFRONT STADIUM,
AND A CONCERT PROMOTER WERE
NAMED AS CO-DEFENDANTS

AND A CONCERT PROMOTER WERE
NAMED AS CO-DEFENDANTS
IN A $27 MILLION

NAMED AS CO-DEFENDANTS
IN A $27 MILLION
CLASS-ACTION SUIT,

IN A $27 MILLION
CLASS-ACTION SUIT,
BECAUSE OF THE MISHAP THAT

CLASS-ACTION SUIT,
BECAUSE OF THE MISHAP THAT
OCCURRED EARLIER THIS WEEK.

BECAUSE OF THE MISHAP THAT
OCCURRED EARLIER THIS WEEK.
THE LEGAL PROCEEDINGS WERE

OCCURRED EARLIER THIS WEEK.
THE LEGAL PROCEEDINGS WERE
MARRED, HOWEVER, WHEN THEY

THE LEGAL PROCEEDINGS WERE
MARRED, HOWEVER, WHEN THEY
BROKE FOR LUNCH, AND FOUR

MARRED, HOWEVER, WHEN THEY
BROKE FOR LUNCH, AND FOUR
CITY COUNCILMEN WERE

BROKE FOR LUNCH, AND FOUR
CITY COUNCILMEN WERE
TRAMPLED TO DEATH.

CITY COUNCILMEN WERE
TRAMPLED TO DEATH.
JANE?

TRAMPLED TO DEATH.
JANE?
WELL, THE 1970s

JANE?
WELL, THE 1970s
ARE IN THEIR FINAL MONTH,

WELL, THE 1970s
ARE IN THEIR FINAL MONTH,
AND WITH SOME THOUGHTS ON THIS

ARE IN THEIR FINAL MONTH,
AND WITH SOME THOUGHTS ON THIS
DECADE AND THE ONE WE'RE ABOUT

AND WITH SOME THOUGHTS ON THIS
DECADE AND THE ONE WE'RE ABOUT
TO ENTER, IS WEEKEND UPDATE'S

DECADE AND THE ONE WE'RE ABOUT
TO ENTER, IS WEEKEND UPDATE'S
SOCIAL SCIENCES EDITOR,

TO ENTER, IS WEEKEND UPDATE'S
SOCIAL SCIENCES EDITOR,
AL FRANKEN.

SOCIAL SCIENCES EDITOR,
AL FRANKEN.
AL?

AL FRANKEN.
AL?
THANK YOU, JANE.

WELL, THE "ME" DECADE IS
JUST ABOUT OVER, AND GOOD

JUST ABOUT OVER, AND GOOD
RIDDANCE, AND FAR AS

RIDDANCE, AND FAR AS
I'M CONCERNED.

I'M CONCERNED.
THE 70s WERE SIMPLY 10 YEARS

THE 70s WERE SIMPLY 10 YEARS
OF PEOPLE THINKING ABOUT

OF PEOPLE THINKING ABOUT
NOTHING BUT THEMSELVES.

NOTHING BUT THEMSELVES.
NO WONDER WE WERE UNABLE TO GET

NO WONDER WE WERE UNABLE TO GET
TOGETHER AND SOLVE ANY OF
THE MANY SERIOUS PROBLEMS

TOGETHER AND SOLVE ANY OF
THE MANY SERIOUS PROBLEMS
FACING OUR NATION.

THE MANY SERIOUS PROBLEMS
FACING OUR NATION.
OH SURE, SOME PEOPLE DID DO SOME

FACING OUR NATION.
OH SURE, SOME PEOPLE DID DO SOME
POSITIVE THINGS DURING THE 70s

OH SURE, SOME PEOPLE DID DO SOME
POSITIVE THINGS DURING THE 70s
LIKE JOGGING... BUT ALWAYS FOR

POSITIVE THINGS DURING THE 70s
LIKE JOGGING... BUT ALWAYS FOR
THE WRONG REASON, FOR THEIR OWN

LIKE JOGGING... BUT ALWAYS FOR
THE WRONG REASON, FOR THEIR OWN
PERSONAL, SELFISH BENEFIT.

THE WRONG REASON, FOR THEIR OWN
PERSONAL, SELFISH BENEFIT.
WELL, I BELIEVE

PERSONAL, SELFISH BENEFIT.
WELL, I BELIEVE
THE 80s ARE GOING TO BE,

WELL, I BELIEVE
THE 80s ARE GOING TO BE,
OR GONNA HAVE TO BE DIFFERENT.

THE 80s ARE GOING TO BE,
OR GONNA HAVE TO BE DIFFERENT.
I THINK THE PEOPLE ARE GONNA

OR GONNA HAVE TO BE DIFFERENT.
I THINK THE PEOPLE ARE GONNA
STOP THINKING ABOUT THEMSELVES,

I THINK THE PEOPLE ARE GONNA
STOP THINKING ABOUT THEMSELVES,
AND START THINKING MORE

STOP THINKING ABOUT THEMSELVES,
AND START THINKING MORE
ABOUT ME, AL FRANKEN.

AND START THINKING MORE
ABOUT ME, AL FRANKEN.
[LAUGHTER]

ABOUT ME, AL FRANKEN.
[LAUGHTER]
THAT'S RIGHT.

[LAUGHTER]
THAT'S RIGHT.
I BELIEVE WE'RE ENTERING

THAT'S RIGHT.
I BELIEVE WE'RE ENTERING
WHAT I LIKE TO CALL

I BELIEVE WE'RE ENTERING
WHAT I LIKE TO CALL
"THE AL FRANKEN DECADE".

WHAT I LIKE TO CALL
"THE AL FRANKEN DECADE".
OH, FOR ME, AL FRANKEN,

"THE AL FRANKEN DECADE".
OH, FOR ME, AL FRANKEN,
THE 80s WILL BE PRETTY MUCH

OH, FOR ME, AL FRANKEN,
THE 80s WILL BE PRETTY MUCH
THE SAME AS THE 70s.

THE 80s WILL BE PRETTY MUCH
THE SAME AS THE 70s.
I'LL STILL BE THINKING

THE SAME AS THE 70s.
I'LL STILL BE THINKING
ABOUT ME, AL FRANKEN.

I'LL STILL BE THINKING
ABOUT ME, AL FRANKEN.
BUT FOR YOU OUT THERE,

ABOUT ME, AL FRANKEN.
BUT FOR YOU OUT THERE,
INSTEAD OF THINKING IN TERMS

BUT FOR YOU OUT THERE,
INSTEAD OF THINKING IN TERMS
OF YOUR OWN LIFE ALL THE TIME,

INSTEAD OF THINKING IN TERMS
OF YOUR OWN LIFE ALL THE TIME,
YOU'LL BE THINKING MORE ABOUT

OF YOUR OWN LIFE ALL THE TIME,
YOU'LL BE THINKING MORE ABOUT
HOW THINGS AFFECT ME,

YOU'LL BE THINKING MORE ABOUT
HOW THINGS AFFECT ME,
AL FRANKEN.

HOW THINGS AFFECT ME,
AL FRANKEN.
WHEN YOU SEE A NEWS REPORT,

AL FRANKEN.
WHEN YOU SEE A NEWS REPORT,
YOU'LL BE THINKING,

WHEN YOU SEE A NEWS REPORT,
YOU'LL BE THINKING,
"I WONDER WHAT AL FRANKEN

YOU'LL BE THINKING,
"I WONDER WHAT AL FRANKEN
THINKS ABOUT THIS THING?"

"I WONDER WHAT AL FRANKEN
THINKS ABOUT THIS THING?"
"I WONDER HOW THIS INFLATION

THINKS ABOUT THIS THING?"
"I WONDER HOW THIS INFLATION
THING IS HURTING AL FRANKEN?"

"I WONDER HOW THIS INFLATION
THING IS HURTING AL FRANKEN?"
[LAUGHTER]

THING IS HURTING AL FRANKEN?"
[LAUGHTER]
AND YOU WOMEN WILL BE THINKING,

[LAUGHTER]
AND YOU WOMEN WILL BE THINKING,
"WHAT CAN I WEAR THAT WILL

AND YOU WOMEN WILL BE THINKING,
"WHAT CAN I WEAR THAT WILL
PLEASE AL FRANKEN?"

"WHAT CAN I WEAR THAT WILL
PLEASE AL FRANKEN?"
OR, "WHAT CAN I NOT WEAR?"

PLEASE AL FRANKEN?"
OR, "WHAT CAN I NOT WEAR?"
YOU KNOW, I KNOW A LOT OF YOU

OR, "WHAT CAN I NOT WEAR?"
YOU KNOW, I KNOW A LOT OF YOU
OUT THERE ARE...

YOU KNOW, I KNOW A LOT OF YOU
OUT THERE ARE...
A LOT OF YOU ARE

OUT THERE ARE...
A LOT OF YOU ARE
PROBABLY THINKING,

A LOT OF YOU ARE
PROBABLY THINKING,
"WHY AL FRANKEN?"

PROBABLY THINKING,
"WHY AL FRANKEN?"
"WHY NOT ME?"

"WHY AL FRANKEN?"
"WHY NOT ME?"
WELL, BECAUSE I THOUGHT OF IT

"WHY NOT ME?"
WELL, BECAUSE I THOUGHT OF IT
AND I'M ON HERE ON T.V.,

WELL, BECAUSE I THOUGHT OF IT
AND I'M ON HERE ON T.V.,
AND YOU'RE AT HOME WATCHING

AND I'M ON HERE ON T.V.,
AND YOU'RE AT HOME WATCHING
SO I'VE ALREADY GOT

AND YOU'RE AT HOME WATCHING
SO I'VE ALREADY GOT
THE JUMP ON YOU.

SO I'VE ALREADY GOT
THE JUMP ON YOU.
SO, I SAY LET'S LEAVE BEHIND

THE JUMP ON YOU.
SO, I SAY LET'S LEAVE BEHIND
THE FRAGMENTED, SELFISH 70s

SO, I SAY LET'S LEAVE BEHIND
THE FRAGMENTED, SELFISH 70s
AND GO INTO THE 80s WITH

THE FRAGMENTED, SELFISH 70s
AND GO INTO THE 80s WITH
A UNANIMITY OF PURPOSE.

AND GO INTO THE 80s WITH
A UNANIMITY OF PURPOSE.
THAT'S WHAT I THINK.

A UNANIMITY OF PURPOSE.
THAT'S WHAT I THINK.
I'M AL FRANKEN.

THAT'S WHAT I THINK.
I'M AL FRANKEN.
JANE?

I'M AL FRANKEN.
JANE?
[APPLAUSE]

JANE?
[APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU, AL.

[APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU, AL.
THAT'S THE NEWS.

THANK YOU, AL.
THAT'S THE NEWS.
GOOD NIGHT,

THAT'S THE NEWS.
GOOD NIGHT,
AND HAVE A PLEASANT TOMORROW.

GOOD NIGHT,
AND HAVE A PLEASANT TOMORROW.
[APPLAUSE]

HONEY, ARE YOU SURE
YOU'RE NOT JEALOUS ABOUT...
SCOTT COMING OVER BECAUSE

YOU'RE NOT JEALOUS ABOUT...
SCOTT COMING OVER BECAUSE
IF YOU ARE, JUST SAY SO.

SCOTT COMING OVER BECAUSE
IF YOU ARE, JUST SAY SO.
WHY SHOULD I BE JEALOUS?

IF YOU ARE, JUST SAY SO.
WHY SHOULD I BE JEALOUS?
WELL, YOU DON'T KNOW SCOTT.

WHY SHOULD I BE JEALOUS?
WELL, YOU DON'T KNOW SCOTT.
WELL, I'D LIKE TO MEET

WELL, YOU DON'T KNOW SCOTT.
WELL, I'D LIKE TO MEET
ANYBODY WHO WAS THAT MUCH

WELL, I'D LIKE TO MEET
ANYBODY WHO WAS THAT MUCH
A PART OF YOUR LIFE.

ANYBODY WHO WAS THAT MUCH
A PART OF YOUR LIFE.
OH, JEROME, YOU'RE SO OPEN.

A PART OF YOUR LIFE.
OH, JEROME, YOU'RE SO OPEN.
[DOORBELL RINGS]

OH, JEROME, YOU'RE SO OPEN.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
I'LL GET IT.

SUSIE, I FORGOT...
I FORGOT HOW BEAUTIFUL
YOU ARE WHEN YOU OPEN THE DOOR.

I FORGOT HOW BEAUTIFUL
YOU ARE WHEN YOU OPEN THE DOOR.
DO IT AGAIN.

YOU ARE WHEN YOU OPEN THE DOOR.
DO IT AGAIN.
FOR ME.

DO IT AGAIN.
FOR ME.
[LAUGHTER]

FOR ME.
[LAUGHTER]
[DOORBELL RINGS]

I FORGOT.
OKAY, SCOTT.
I FORGOT HOW

OKAY, SCOTT.
I FORGOT HOW
BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE.

I FORGOT HOW
BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE.
SCOTT.

BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE.
SCOTT.
THERE'S SOMEONE I'D LIKE

SCOTT.
THERE'S SOMEONE I'D LIKE
YOU TO MEET.

THERE'S SOMEONE I'D LIKE
YOU TO MEET.
UH, SCOTT, THIS IS JEROME,

YOU TO MEET.
UH, SCOTT, THIS IS JEROME,
MY NEW OLD MAN.

UH, SCOTT, THIS IS JEROME,
MY NEW OLD MAN.
JEROME, THIS IS SCOTT,

MY NEW OLD MAN.
JEROME, THIS IS SCOTT,
MY OLD OLD MAN.

JEROME, THIS IS SCOTT,
MY OLD OLD MAN.
AND SCOTT I WANT YOU TO KNOW

MY OLD OLD MAN.
AND SCOTT I WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT JEROME DOESN'T MIND

AND SCOTT I WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT JEROME DOESN'T MIND
YOU BEING HERE.

THAT JEROME DOESN'T MIND
YOU BEING HERE.
I'M OKAY BEHIND IT.

YOU BEING HERE.
I'M OKAY BEHIND IT.
MM-HMM.

I'M OKAY BEHIND IT.
MM-HMM.
JEROME'S INTO TRYING

MM-HMM.
JEROME'S INTO TRYING
TO FEEL HIS FEELINGS.

JEROME'S INTO TRYING
TO FEEL HIS FEELINGS.
I FEEL LIKE SITTING DOWN.

TO FEEL HIS FEELINGS.
I FEEL LIKE SITTING DOWN.
BEAUTIFUL.

I FEEL LIKE SITTING DOWN.
BEAUTIFUL.
LET'S.

WHAT DO YOU DO, JEROME?
I WORK ON MYSELF.
NOT A LOT OF MONEY IN IT... YET.

I WORK ON MYSELF.
NOT A LOT OF MONEY IN IT... YET.
WELL, KEEP PLUCKING.

NOT A LOT OF MONEY IN IT... YET.
WELL, KEEP PLUCKING.
WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING, SUSIE?

WELL, KEEP PLUCKING.
WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING, SUSIE?
I'VE BEEN WORKING

WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING, SUSIE?
I'VE BEEN WORKING
ON JEROME TOO.

I'VE BEEN WORKING
ON JEROME TOO.
IT'S A PROCESS.

ON JEROME TOO.
IT'S A PROCESS.
SO, SCOTT, WHAT BRINGS YOU

IT'S A PROCESS.
SO, SCOTT, WHAT BRINGS YOU
TO SANTA BARBARA?

SO, SCOTT, WHAT BRINGS YOU
TO SANTA BARBARA?
I'M WITH A NATIONAL TOURING

TO SANTA BARBARA?
I'M WITH A NATIONAL TOURING
COMPANY OF THE FANTASTICS.

I'M WITH A NATIONAL TOURING
COMPANY OF THE FANTASTICS.
WE'RE PLAYING AT THE CIVIC

COMPANY OF THE FANTASTICS.
WE'RE PLAYING AT THE CIVIC
AUDITORIUM TONIGHT.

WE'RE PLAYING AT THE CIVIC
AUDITORIUM TONIGHT.
UH, HE PLAYS EL GALLO.

AUDITORIUM TONIGHT.
UH, HE PLAYS EL GALLO.
YOU STILL PLAY EL GALLO,

UH, HE PLAYS EL GALLO.
YOU STILL PLAY EL GALLO,
DON'T YOU?

YOU STILL PLAY EL GALLO,
DON'T YOU?
NINE YEARS.

DON'T YOU?
NINE YEARS.
I EAT, BREATHE AND

NINE YEARS.
I EAT, BREATHE AND
SLEEP EL GALLO.

I EAT, BREATHE AND
SLEEP EL GALLO.
EXCEPT FOR MY COMMERCIAL WORK.

SLEEP EL GALLO.
EXCEPT FOR MY COMMERCIAL WORK.
OH, YOU DO COMMERCIALS?

EXCEPT FOR MY COMMERCIAL WORK.
OH, YOU DO COMMERCIALS?
YOU FAMILIAR WITH THE

OH, YOU DO COMMERCIALS?
YOU FAMILIAR WITH THE
BUDWEISER TASTE BUDS?

YOU FAMILIAR WITH THE
BUDWEISER TASTE BUDS?
I'M THE THIRD BUD FROM THE LEFT.

BUDWEISER TASTE BUDS?
I'M THE THIRD BUD FROM THE LEFT.
THAT'S ME.

I'M THE THIRD BUD FROM THE LEFT.
THAT'S ME.
OH, THAT'S GREAT.

THAT'S ME.
OH, THAT'S GREAT.
SO, SCOTT... SUSAN TELLS ME

OH, THAT'S GREAT.
SO, SCOTT... SUSAN TELLS ME
THAT YOU'RE A BETTER

SO, SCOTT... SUSAN TELLS ME
THAT YOU'RE A BETTER
LOVER THAN I AM.

THAT YOU'RE A BETTER
LOVER THAN I AM.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT

LOVER THAN I AM.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE LIKE, JEROME.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE LIKE, JEROME.
[LAUGHTER]

YOU'RE LIKE, JEROME.
[LAUGHTER]
JEROME'S BECOMING MORE

[LAUGHTER]
JEROME'S BECOMING MORE
SENSUAL AND LESS SEXUAL.

JEROME'S BECOMING MORE
SENSUAL AND LESS SEXUAL.
YEAH, IT'S A SLOW PROCESS.

SENSUAL AND LESS SEXUAL.
YEAH, IT'S A SLOW PROCESS.
YES, IT IS.

YEAH, IT'S A SLOW PROCESS.
YES, IT IS.
SO, SCOTT, ARE YOU GROWING?

YES, IT IS.
SO, SCOTT, ARE YOU GROWING?
WELL, PEOPLE SAY MY EL GALLO

SO, SCOTT, ARE YOU GROWING?
WELL, PEOPLE SAY MY EL GALLO
STILL IS AND... SCOTT IS

WELL, PEOPLE SAY MY EL GALLO
STILL IS AND... SCOTT IS
CHANGING TOO.

STILL IS AND... SCOTT IS
CHANGING TOO.
FOR INSTANCE, I DON'T HATE

CHANGING TOO.
FOR INSTANCE, I DON'T HATE
WOMEN ANYMORE.

FOR INSTANCE, I DON'T HATE
WOMEN ANYMORE.
WELL, THAT'S WONDERFUL,

WOMEN ANYMORE.
WELL, THAT'S WONDERFUL,
SCOTT.

WELL, THAT'S WONDERFUL,
SCOTT.
IS THERE SOMEONE SPECIAL

SCOTT.
IS THERE SOMEONE SPECIAL
YOU DON'T HATE?

IS THERE SOMEONE SPECIAL
YOU DON'T HATE?
WELL, YES, I FINALLY

YOU DON'T HATE?
WELL, YES, I FINALLY
FOUND SOMEONE.

WELL, YES, I FINALLY
FOUND SOMEONE.
REALLY, WHAT'S SHE LIKE?

FOUND SOMEONE.
REALLY, WHAT'S SHE LIKE?
WELL, SHE'S YOUNG.

REALLY, WHAT'S SHE LIKE?
WELL, SHE'S YOUNG.
SHE'S VERY YOUNG, SHE'S A KID.

WELL, SHE'S YOUNG.
SHE'S VERY YOUNG, SHE'S A KID.
AND I TEACH AND YET

SHE'S VERY YOUNG, SHE'S A KID.
AND I TEACH AND YET
I LEARN FROM HER TOO.

AND I TEACH AND YET
I LEARN FROM HER TOO.
IS IT SERIOUS?

I LEARN FROM HER TOO.
IS IT SERIOUS?
I DON'T KNOW.

IS IT SERIOUS?
I DON'T KNOW.
IT'S A WHOLE DIFFERENT THING,

I DON'T KNOW.
IT'S A WHOLE DIFFERENT THING,
YOU KNOW?

IT'S A WHOLE DIFFERENT THING,
YOU KNOW?
I THINK IT'S GOOD FOR ME,

YOU KNOW?
I THINK IT'S GOOD FOR ME,
BUT I DON'T REALLY KNOW

I THINK IT'S GOOD FOR ME,
BUT I DON'T REALLY KNOW
WHAT IT IS YET.

BUT I DON'T REALLY KNOW
WHAT IT IS YET.
YEAH...

WHAT IT IS YET.
YEAH...
SCOTT, I WAS JUST THINKING,

YEAH...
SCOTT, I WAS JUST THINKING,
REMEMBER THAT DAY WE MET

SCOTT, I WAS JUST THINKING,
REMEMBER THAT DAY WE MET
IN THE SUPERMARKET?

REMEMBER THAT DAY WE MET
IN THE SUPERMARKET?
YEAH... THE WHEELS OF OUR

IN THE SUPERMARKET?
YEAH... THE WHEELS OF OUR
CART GOT STUCK TOGETHER AND

YEAH... THE WHEELS OF OUR
CART GOT STUCK TOGETHER AND
YOU SAID, "WHOA, BEN-HUR!"

CART GOT STUCK TOGETHER AND
YOU SAID, "WHOA, BEN-HUR!"
[LAUGHTER]

YOU SAID, "WHOA, BEN-HUR!"
[LAUGHTER]
I REMEMBER THE ONLY THING

[LAUGHTER]
I REMEMBER THE ONLY THING
THAT YOU HAD IN YOUR CART

I REMEMBER THE ONLY THING
THAT YOU HAD IN YOUR CART
WERE FROZEN CARROTS AND

THAT YOU HAD IN YOUR CART
WERE FROZEN CARROTS AND
FRESH CARROTS AND I SAID...

WERE FROZEN CARROTS AND
FRESH CARROTS AND I SAID...
YOU SAID, "BOY, YOU MUST

FRESH CARROTS AND I SAID...
YOU SAID, "BOY, YOU MUST
REALLY LIKE CARROTS" AND

YOU SAID, "BOY, YOU MUST
REALLY LIKE CARROTS" AND
I SAID, "EH, WHAT'S UP, DOC?"

REALLY LIKE CARROTS" AND
I SAID, "EH, WHAT'S UP, DOC?"
AND YOU KNOW SOMETHING?

I SAID, "EH, WHAT'S UP, DOC?"
AND YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
I STILL HAVE THAT PACKAGE

AND YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
I STILL HAVE THAT PACKAGE
OF FROZEN CARROTS.

I STILL HAVE THAT PACKAGE
OF FROZEN CARROTS.
[LAUGHTER]

OF FROZEN CARROTS.
[LAUGHTER]
YOU DON'T.

[LAUGHTER]
YOU DON'T.
NO.

YOU DON'T.
NO.
BUT I WISH I DID.

NO.
BUT I WISH I DID.
I'M STARTING TO FEEL BAD NOW.

BUT I WISH I DID.
I'M STARTING TO FEEL BAD NOW.
[LAUGHTER]

I'M STARTING TO FEEL BAD NOW.
[LAUGHTER]
YEAH, I DEFINITELY FEEL BAD.

[LAUGHTER]
YEAH, I DEFINITELY FEEL BAD.
HOW DOES THAT MAKE

YEAH, I DEFINITELY FEEL BAD.
HOW DOES THAT MAKE
YOU FEEL, SCOTT?

HOW DOES THAT MAKE
YOU FEEL, SCOTT?
NOT GREAT, BUT I FEEL A BIT

YOU FEEL, SCOTT?
NOT GREAT, BUT I FEEL A BIT
WEIRD HITTIN' ON YOUR OLD LADY

NOT GREAT, BUT I FEEL A BIT
WEIRD HITTIN' ON YOUR OLD LADY
RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.

WEIRD HITTIN' ON YOUR OLD LADY
RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.
ME TOO, MAN.

RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.
ME TOO, MAN.
HOW DO YOU FEEL, SUZ?

ME TOO, MAN.
HOW DO YOU FEEL, SUZ?
HONESTLY?

HOW DO YOU FEEL, SUZ?
HONESTLY?
BE OPEN, DARLING.

HONESTLY?
BE OPEN, DARLING.
WELL, JEROME...

BE OPEN, DARLING.
WELL, JEROME...
I KNOW WE'RE COVERING NEW GROUND

WELL, JEROME...
I KNOW WE'RE COVERING NEW GROUND
HERE AND GROWTH SOMETIMES HURTS

I KNOW WE'RE COVERING NEW GROUND
HERE AND GROWTH SOMETIMES HURTS
BUT TO BE HONEST I FIND MYSELF

HERE AND GROWTH SOMETIMES HURTS
BUT TO BE HONEST I FIND MYSELF
FEELING ATTRACTED

BUT TO BE HONEST I FIND MYSELF
FEELING ATTRACTED
TO SCOTT AGAIN.

FEELING ATTRACTED
TO SCOTT AGAIN.
LOOK, IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU

TO SCOTT AGAIN.
LOOK, IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU
BOTH FEEL, I'LL JUST LEAVE.

LOOK, IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU
BOTH FEEL, I'LL JUST LEAVE.
OTHERWISE THE ANGER UNDERNEATH

BOTH FEEL, I'LL JUST LEAVE.
OTHERWISE THE ANGER UNDERNEATH
ALL THESE CANDY-ASS FEELINGS

OTHERWISE THE ANGER UNDERNEATH
ALL THESE CANDY-ASS FEELINGS
THAT ARE ALL I'M ALLOWED TO

ALL THESE CANDY-ASS FEELINGS
THAT ARE ALL I'M ALLOWED TO
FEEL, MIGHT JUST COME BUBBLING

THAT ARE ALL I'M ALLOWED TO
FEEL, MIGHT JUST COME BUBBLING
THROUGH AND THEN IT'S GONNA

FEEL, MIGHT JUST COME BUBBLING
THROUGH AND THEN IT'S GONNA
GET ANGRY AND UGLY AND BAD.

THROUGH AND THEN IT'S GONNA
GET ANGRY AND UGLY AND BAD.
HEY, HEY, RELAX, MAN.

GET ANGRY AND UGLY AND BAD.
HEY, HEY, RELAX, MAN.
I'LL BACK OFF.

HEY, HEY, RELAX, MAN.
I'LL BACK OFF.
IT'S NO BIG DEAL TO ME.

I'LL BACK OFF.
IT'S NO BIG DEAL TO ME.
I'M SORRY.

IT'S NO BIG DEAL TO ME.
I'M SORRY.
YOU KNOW HOW IT IS, I MEAN,

I'M SORRY.
YOU KNOW HOW IT IS, I MEAN,
I'M IN FROM OUTTA TOWN,

YOU KNOW HOW IT IS, I MEAN,
I'M IN FROM OUTTA TOWN,
I'M LONELY, I THINK WHO THE HELL

I'M IN FROM OUTTA TOWN,
I'M LONELY, I THINK WHO THE HELL
DO I KNOW IN SANTA BARBARA?

I'M LONELY, I THINK WHO THE HELL
DO I KNOW IN SANTA BARBARA?
YEAH, I CAN DIG THAT.

DO I KNOW IN SANTA BARBARA?
YEAH, I CAN DIG THAT.
LOOK, WHAT AM I

YEAH, I CAN DIG THAT.
LOOK, WHAT AM I
WORRIED ABOUT?

LOOK, WHAT AM I
WORRIED ABOUT?
I'M EL GALLO.

WORRIED ABOUT?
I'M EL GALLO.
WE'RE SOLD OUT TONIGHT.

I'M EL GALLO.
WE'RE SOLD OUT TONIGHT.
I KNOW I CAN HUSTLE UP

WE'RE SOLD OUT TONIGHT.
I KNOW I CAN HUSTLE UP
SOMETHING TONIGHT.

I KNOW I CAN HUSTLE UP
SOMETHING TONIGHT.
I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT

SOMETHING TONIGHT.
I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT
I ALMOST FELL FOR THIS AGAIN.

I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT
I ALMOST FELL FOR THIS AGAIN.
I MEAN, I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM YOU

I ALMOST FELL FOR THIS AGAIN.
I MEAN, I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM YOU
OR SEEN YOU SINCE I LEFT YOU

I MEAN, I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM YOU
OR SEEN YOU SINCE I LEFT YOU
LAST SEPTEMBER.

OR SEEN YOU SINCE I LEFT YOU
LAST SEPTEMBER.
AND HERE YOU COME IN HERE

LAST SEPTEMBER.
AND HERE YOU COME IN HERE
AND YOU START...

AND HERE YOU COME IN HERE
AND YOU START...
JUST THE SAME OLD TRICKS!

AND YOU START...
JUST THE SAME OLD TRICKS!
FOR THE HISTORY BOOKS, SUSAN,

JUST THE SAME OLD TRICKS!
FOR THE HISTORY BOOKS, SUSAN,
YOU DIDN'T LEAVE ME.

FOR THE HISTORY BOOKS, SUSAN,
YOU DIDN'T LEAVE ME.
WE AGREED THAT YOU SHOULD LEAVE.

YOU DIDN'T LEAVE ME.
WE AGREED THAT YOU SHOULD LEAVE.
OH, YOU'RE REALLY SOMETHING.

WE AGREED THAT YOU SHOULD LEAVE.
OH, YOU'RE REALLY SOMETHING.
LOOK, SCOTT, I THINK

OH, YOU'RE REALLY SOMETHING.
LOOK, SCOTT, I THINK
SUSIE NEEDS HER SPACE

LOOK, SCOTT, I THINK
SUSIE NEEDS HER SPACE
RIGHT NOW, SO...

SUSIE NEEDS HER SPACE
RIGHT NOW, SO...
WHY DON'T WE TAKE OUR FEELINGS

RIGHT NOW, SO...
WHY DON'T WE TAKE OUR FEELINGS
DOWN TO "LE BREW AND YOU"

WHY DON'T WE TAKE OUR FEELINGS
DOWN TO "LE BREW AND YOU"
AND GET REALLY TWISTED, EH?

DOWN TO "LE BREW AND YOU"
AND GET REALLY TWISTED, EH?
DAMN GOOD IDEA.

AND GET REALLY TWISTED, EH?
DAMN GOOD IDEA.
BUT, UH, BEFORE WE GO,

DAMN GOOD IDEA.
BUT, UH, BEFORE WE GO,
SUSAN, I JUST WANNA SAY THAT

BUT, UH, BEFORE WE GO,
SUSAN, I JUST WANNA SAY THAT
WHAT WE HAD WAS REAL.

SUSAN, I JUST WANNA SAY THAT
WHAT WE HAD WAS REAL.
NOW YOU HAVE SOMETHING ELSE

WHAT WE HAD WAS REAL.
NOW YOU HAVE SOMETHING ELSE
AND THAT'S REAL TOO.

NOW YOU HAVE SOMETHING ELSE
AND THAT'S REAL TOO.
I THINK YOU AND JEROME ARE DOING

AND THAT'S REAL TOO.
I THINK YOU AND JEROME ARE DOING
WONDERFUL THINGS WITH JEROME.

I THINK YOU AND JEROME ARE DOING
WONDERFUL THINGS WITH JEROME.
[LAUGHTER]

WONDERFUL THINGS WITH JEROME.
[LAUGHTER]
BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT WHEN

[LAUGHTER]
BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT WHEN
YOU LEFT THAT SEPTEMBER YOU TOOK

BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT WHEN
YOU LEFT THAT SEPTEMBER YOU TOOK
A PART OF ME WITH YOU.

YOU LEFT THAT SEPTEMBER YOU TOOK
A PART OF ME WITH YOU.
I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU, BARBARA.

A PART OF ME WITH YOU.
I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU, BARBARA.
DEEP IN DECEMBER

I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU, BARBARA.
DEEP IN DECEMBER
IT'S NICE TO REMEMBER.

DEEP IN DECEMBER
IT'S NICE TO REMEMBER.
[LAUGHTER]

IT'S NICE TO REMEMBER.
[LAUGHTER]
WITHOUT A HURT,

[LAUGHTER]
WITHOUT A HURT,
THE HEART IS HOLLOW.

WITHOUT A HURT,
THE HEART IS HOLLOW.
♪ DEEP IN DECEMBER ♪

THE HEART IS HOLLOW.
♪ DEEP IN DECEMBER ♪
♪ NICE TO REMEMBER ♪

♪ DEEP IN DECEMBER ♪
♪ NICE TO REMEMBER ♪
♪ THE FIRE OF SEPTEMBER ♪

♪ NICE TO REMEMBER ♪
♪ THE FIRE OF SEPTEMBER ♪
♪ THAT MADE US MELLOW ♪

♪ THE FIRE OF SEPTEMBER ♪
♪ THAT MADE US MELLOW ♪
♪ DEEP IN DECEMBER ♪

♪ THAT MADE US MELLOW ♪
♪ DEEP IN DECEMBER ♪
OUR HEARTS SHOULD REMEMBER

♪ DEEP IN DECEMBER ♪
OUR HEARTS SHOULD REMEMBER
♪ AND FOLLOW ♪

OUR HEARTS SHOULD REMEMBER
♪ AND FOLLOW ♪
♪ FOLLOW ♪

♪ AND FOLLOW ♪
♪ FOLLOW ♪
♪ FOLLOW ♪

♪ FOLLOW ♪
♪ FOLLOW ♪
♪ FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW ♪

♪ FOLLOW ♪
♪ FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW ♪
♪ FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW ♪

BARBARA?

♪ FOLLOW ♪
♪ FOLLOW ♪
♪ FOLLOW ♪

♪ FOLLOW ♪
♪ FOLLOW ♪
♪ FOLLOW ♪

♪ FOLLOW ♪
♪ FOLLOW ♪
♪ FOLLOW ♪

♪ FOLLOW ♪
♪ FOLLOW ♪
[APPLAUSE]

♪ AND SHE'S BUYING ♪
♪ A STAIRWAY ♪
♪ TO HEAVEN ♪

♪ A STAIRWAY ♪
♪ TO HEAVEN ♪
ZEP, STAIRWAY,

♪ TO HEAVEN ♪
ZEP, STAIRWAY,
WHAT A DYNAMITE WAY

ZEP, STAIRWAY,
WHAT A DYNAMITE WAY
TO START OFF A MORNING.

WHAT A DYNAMITE WAY
TO START OFF A MORNING.
HEY, WE KICKED OFF

TO START OFF A MORNING.
HEY, WE KICKED OFF
THE SET WITH BOB SEGER.

HEY, WE KICKED OFF
THE SET WITH BOB SEGER.
ROCK AND ROLL REALLY NEVER

THE SET WITH BOB SEGER.
ROCK AND ROLL REALLY NEVER
DOES FORGET, DOES IT?

ROCK AND ROLL REALLY NEVER
DOES FORGET, DOES IT?
WEIRD THING ABOUT ROCK AND ROLL.

DOES FORGET, DOES IT?
WEIRD THING ABOUT ROCK AND ROLL.
AND WE SQUEEZED RIGHT IN THE

WEIRD THING ABOUT ROCK AND ROLL.
AND WE SQUEEZED RIGHT IN THE
MIDDLE OF THERE LINDA RONSTADT

AND WE SQUEEZED RIGHT IN THE
MIDDLE OF THERE LINDA RONSTADT
AND "HEART LIKE A WHEEL"

MIDDLE OF THERE LINDA RONSTADT
AND "HEART LIKE A WHEEL"
FROM 1975, HEY, THAT'S HARD

AND "HEART LIKE A WHEEL"
FROM 1975, HEY, THAT'S HARD
TO BELIEVE, ISN'T IT?

FROM 1975, HEY, THAT'S HARD
TO BELIEVE, ISN'T IT?
GOOD MORNING FROM STEREO 105.

TO BELIEVE, ISN'T IT?
GOOD MORNING FROM STEREO 105.
THE WILD AND CRAZY MAD MAN OF

GOOD MORNING FROM STEREO 105.
THE WILD AND CRAZY MAD MAN OF
THE MORNING, I'M STEVE MARVIN,

THE WILD AND CRAZY MAD MAN OF
THE MORNING, I'M STEVE MARVIN,
WITH YOU TILL 10.

THE MORNING, I'M STEVE MARVIN,
WITH YOU TILL 10.
Man: I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!

WITH YOU TILL 10.
Man: I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!
WILL YOU GET OUTTA HERE.

Man: I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!
WILL YOU GET OUTTA HERE.
THAT'S A CRAZY GUY OVER THERE.

WILL YOU GET OUTTA HERE.
THAT'S A CRAZY GUY OVER THERE.
HEY, IT'S 7:19 IN THE A.M.

THAT'S A CRAZY GUY OVER THERE.
HEY, IT'S 7:19 IN THE A.M.
STEREO 105

HEY, IT'S 7:19 IN THE A.M.
STEREO 105
"FREE THE HOSTAGES" TIME.

STEREO 105
"FREE THE HOSTAGES" TIME.
YEAH?

"FREE THE HOSTAGES" TIME.
YEAH?
HOWARD HESSEMAN,

YEAH?
HOWARD HESSEMAN,
THIS IS STEVE MARVIN.

HOWARD HESSEMAN,
THIS IS STEVE MARVIN.
HI, HOW YOU DOING, MAN?

THIS IS STEVE MARVIN.
HI, HOW YOU DOING, MAN?
I'M DOING GREAT.

HI, HOW YOU DOING, MAN?
I'M DOING GREAT.
WE'RE NUMBER ONE IN THE MORNING,

I'M DOING GREAT.
WE'RE NUMBER ONE IN THE MORNING,
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

WE'RE NUMBER ONE IN THE MORNING,
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
RATINGS DON'T HURT.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
RATINGS DON'T HURT.
HEY, I LOVE YOUR SHOW.

RATINGS DON'T HURT.
HEY, I LOVE YOUR SHOW.
IT'S THE BEST THING ON THE TUBE.

HEY, I LOVE YOUR SHOW.
IT'S THE BEST THING ON THE TUBE.
OH, THANKS.

IT'S THE BEST THING ON THE TUBE.
OH, THANKS.
WE HAVE A LOT OF FUN DOING IT.

OH, THANKS.
WE HAVE A LOT OF FUN DOING IT.
REALLY?

WE HAVE A LOT OF FUN DOING IT.
REALLY?
IT LOOKS LIKE HARD WORK.

REALLY?
IT LOOKS LIKE HARD WORK.
WELL, IT'S THAT TOO.

IT LOOKS LIKE HARD WORK.
WELL, IT'S THAT TOO.
OH, YEAH.

WELL, IT'S THAT TOO.
OH, YEAH.
WELL, THAT SHOW AND "MORK AND

OH, YEAH.
WELL, THAT SHOW AND "MORK AND
MINDY" ARE THE ONLY TWO THINGS

WELL, THAT SHOW AND "MORK AND
MINDY" ARE THE ONLY TWO THINGS
WORTH WATCHING ON THE TUBE,

MINDY" ARE THE ONLY TWO THINGS
WORTH WATCHING ON THE TUBE,
UNLESS YOU'RE LIKE A

WORTH WATCHING ON THE TUBE,
UNLESS YOU'RE LIKE A
"60 MINUTES" FREAK OR SOMETHING.

UNLESS YOU'RE LIKE A
"60 MINUTES" FREAK OR SOMETHING.
WELL, I GUESS THERE

"60 MINUTES" FREAK OR SOMETHING.
WELL, I GUESS THERE
ARE A FEW OF THOSE.

WELL, I GUESS THERE
ARE A FEW OF THOSE.
HOLD IT.

ARE A FEW OF THOSE.
HOLD IT.
AVAILABLE AT ALL RECORDS PLUS

HOLD IT.
AVAILABLE AT ALL RECORDS PLUS
STORES FOR ONLY $5.99.

AVAILABLE AT ALL RECORDS PLUS
STORES FOR ONLY $5.99.
YOU GET MORE THAN RECORDS

STORES FOR ONLY $5.99.
YOU GET MORE THAN RECORDS
AT RECORDS PLUS.

YOU GET MORE THAN RECORDS
AT RECORDS PLUS.
YEAH, SO, HOW MUCH TIME YOU GOT,

AT RECORDS PLUS.
YEAH, SO, HOW MUCH TIME YOU GOT,
HOWARD.

YEAH, SO, HOW MUCH TIME YOU GOT,
HOWARD.
UH, THEY SAID IT WOULD BE

HOWARD.
UH, THEY SAID IT WOULD BE
ABOUT 15 MINUTES, I GUESS.

UH, THEY SAID IT WOULD BE
ABOUT 15 MINUTES, I GUESS.
WOW, I AM SO FAR BEHIND

ABOUT 15 MINUTES, I GUESS.
WOW, I AM SO FAR BEHIND
ON COMMERCIALS, MAN.

WOW, I AM SO FAR BEHIND
ON COMMERCIALS, MAN.
I WILL TRY TO GIVE YOU

ON COMMERCIALS, MAN.
I WILL TRY TO GIVE YOU
A SECOND SEGMENT BECAUSE

I WILL TRY TO GIVE YOU
A SECOND SEGMENT BECAUSE
YOU'RE A NETWORK GUY, OKAY?

A SECOND SEGMENT BECAUSE
YOU'RE A NETWORK GUY, OKAY?
LISTEN, CAN I GET

YOU'RE A NETWORK GUY, OKAY?
LISTEN, CAN I GET
YOU SOMETHING?

LISTEN, CAN I GET
YOU SOMETHING?
YEAH, I COULD USE

YOU SOMETHING?
YEAH, I COULD USE
SOME COFFEE REAL BAD.

YEAH, I COULD USE
SOME COFFEE REAL BAD.
OH, GOD, I'M SORRY.

SOME COFFEE REAL BAD.
OH, GOD, I'M SORRY.
THEY DON'T UNLOCK THE COFFEE

OH, GOD, I'M SORRY.
THEY DON'T UNLOCK THE COFFEE
MACHINE TILL ABOUT 9:00.

THEY DON'T UNLOCK THE COFFEE
MACHINE TILL ABOUT 9:00.
WE HAVE COKE, PEPSI,

MACHINE TILL ABOUT 9:00.
WE HAVE COKE, PEPSI,
UH, TWO FINGERS?

WE HAVE COKE, PEPSI,
UH, TWO FINGERS?
TWO FINGERS THE TEQUILA?

UH, TWO FINGERS?
TWO FINGERS THE TEQUILA?
HEY, READ THIS.

TWO FINGERS THE TEQUILA?
HEY, READ THIS.
THIS'LL BE FUN.

HEY, READ THIS.
THIS'LL BE FUN.
S-STARTS FRIDAY AT A BLACK

THIS'LL BE FUN.
S-STARTS FRIDAY AT A BLACK
HOLE SHOWCASE THEATER NEAR YOU.

S-STARTS FRIDAY AT A BLACK
HOLE SHOWCASE THEATER NEAR YOU.
CHECK THEATER FOR SHOW TIMES

HOLE SHOWCASE THEATER NEAR YOU.
CHECK THEATER FOR SHOW TIMES
AND CHECK YOUR NEWSPAPER

CHECK THEATER FOR SHOW TIMES
AND CHECK YOUR NEWSPAPER
FOR THEATERS.

AND CHECK YOUR NEWSPAPER
FOR THEATERS.
GREAT, HEY, THAT

FOR THEATERS.
GREAT, HEY, THAT
WAS DYNAMITE.

GREAT, HEY, THAT
WAS DYNAMITE.
YOU COULD ACTUALLY DO THIS

WAS DYNAMITE.
YOU COULD ACTUALLY DO THIS
FOR A LIVING.

YOU COULD ACTUALLY DO THIS
FOR A LIVING.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]

FOR A LIVING.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
SO, WHAT DO YOU WANNA

[BOTH CHUCKLE]
SO, WHAT DO YOU WANNA
TALK ABOUT?

SO, WHAT DO YOU WANNA
TALK ABOUT?
THE SHOW?

TALK ABOUT?
THE SHOW?
UH, YEAH, YOU KNOW,

THE SHOW?
UH, YEAH, YOU KNOW,
I'M ON ONE OF THOSE

UH, YEAH, YOU KNOW,
I'M ON ONE OF THOSE
PROMOTIONAL TOURS

I'M ON ONE OF THOSE
PROMOTIONAL TOURS
THE NETWORK LIKES YOU TO DO,

PROMOTIONAL TOURS
THE NETWORK LIKES YOU TO DO,
PARTICULARLY WHEN THEY'RE

THE NETWORK LIKES YOU TO DO,
PARTICULARLY WHEN THEY'RE
MOVING YOUR SHOW TO A

PARTICULARLY WHEN THEY'RE
MOVING YOUR SHOW TO A
WEAKER POSITION FOR

MOVING YOUR SHOW TO A
WEAKER POSITION FOR
THE SECOND OR THIRD TIME.

WEAKER POSITION FOR
THE SECOND OR THIRD TIME.
OFTEN ON A DIFFERENT NIGHT.

THE SECOND OR THIRD TIME.
OFTEN ON A DIFFERENT NIGHT.
THEY ALWAYS DO THAT

OFTEN ON A DIFFERENT NIGHT.
THEY ALWAYS DO THAT
RIGHT AT THE POINT WHERE

THEY ALWAYS DO THAT
RIGHT AT THE POINT WHERE
YOU'RE STARTING TO REALLY

RIGHT AT THE POINT WHERE
YOU'RE STARTING TO REALLY
GET SOME GOOD RATINGS.

YOU'RE STARTING TO REALLY
GET SOME GOOD RATINGS.
YEAH, WELL, RATINGS

GET SOME GOOD RATINGS.
YEAH, WELL, RATINGS
DON'T MEAN SQUAT.

YEAH, WELL, RATINGS
DON'T MEAN SQUAT.
YOU KNOW THAT BETTER

DON'T MEAN SQUAT.
YOU KNOW THAT BETTER
THAN ANYBODY.

YOU KNOW THAT BETTER
THAN ANYBODY.
HEY, HERE'S WHAT WE'LL DO.

THAN ANYBODY.
HEY, HERE'S WHAT WE'LL DO.
I'LL ASK YOU WHAT'S NEW

HEY, HERE'S WHAT WE'LL DO.
I'LL ASK YOU WHAT'S NEW
WITH THE SHOW, YOU TELL ME

I'LL ASK YOU WHAT'S NEW
WITH THE SHOW, YOU TELL ME
ABOUT THE TIME CHANGE

WITH THE SHOW, YOU TELL ME
ABOUT THE TIME CHANGE
AND WE'LL TALK ABOUT

ABOUT THE TIME CHANGE
AND WE'LL TALK ABOUT
YOU BEING A DISC JOCKEY

AND WE'LL TALK ABOUT
YOU BEING A DISC JOCKEY
ON THE AIR, ALL RIGHT?

YOU BEING A DISC JOCKEY
ON THE AIR, ALL RIGHT?
FINE, UH, THIS MIC...

ON THE AIR, ALL RIGHT?
FINE, UH, THIS MIC...
HOLD IT.

FINE, UH, THIS MIC...
HOLD IT.
WE HAVE A GUEST THIS MORNING

HOLD IT.
WE HAVE A GUEST THIS MORNING
HERE AT STEREO 105.

WE HAVE A GUEST THIS MORNING
HERE AT STEREO 105.
IT'S A JOY TO SEE HIM

HERE AT STEREO 105.
IT'S A JOY TO SEE HIM
AND HE MUST FEEL RIGHT AT HOME

IT'S A JOY TO SEE HIM
AND HE MUST FEEL RIGHT AT HOME
HERE 'CAUSE HE'S FROM

AND HE MUST FEEL RIGHT AT HOME
HERE 'CAUSE HE'S FROM
WKRP IN CINCINNATI ON THE SHOW

HERE 'CAUSE HE'S FROM
WKRP IN CINCINNATI ON THE SHOW
HE'S DR. JOHNNY FEVER BUT TO US

WKRP IN CINCINNATI ON THE SHOW
HE'S DR. JOHNNY FEVER BUT TO US
HE'S BETTER KNOWN AS PLAIN OLD

HE'S DR. JOHNNY FEVER BUT TO US
HE'S BETTER KNOWN AS PLAIN OLD
HOWARD HESSEMAN.

HE'S BETTER KNOWN AS PLAIN OLD
HOWARD HESSEMAN.
HOWARD, WELCOME.

HOWARD HESSEMAN.
HOWARD, WELCOME.
THANKS, STEVE.

HOWARD, WELCOME.
THANKS, STEVE.
UH, IT'S A LITTLE EARLY

THANKS, STEVE.
UH, IT'S A LITTLE EARLY
IN THE MORNING FOR ME

UH, IT'S A LITTLE EARLY
IN THE MORNING FOR ME
TO BE SAYING THANK YOU

IN THE MORNING FOR ME
TO BE SAYING THANK YOU
TO ANYONE BUT IF I COULD

TO BE SAYING THANK YOU
TO ANYONE BUT IF I COULD
MEAN IT, I WOULD.

TO ANYONE BUT IF I COULD
MEAN IT, I WOULD.
HOWARD, IT'S NOT TOO EARLY

MEAN IT, I WOULD.
HOWARD, IT'S NOT TOO EARLY
FOR DR. JOHNNY FEVER, IS IT?

HOWARD, IT'S NOT TOO EARLY
FOR DR. JOHNNY FEVER, IS IT?
HE'S THE MORNING GUY

FOR DR. JOHNNY FEVER, IS IT?
HE'S THE MORNING GUY
AT YOUR STATION, AM I RIGHT?

HE'S THE MORNING GUY
AT YOUR STATION, AM I RIGHT?
YEAH, HE'S ONE OF THOSE GUYS

AT YOUR STATION, AM I RIGHT?
YEAH, HE'S ONE OF THOSE GUYS
THAT'S JUST BEEN IN RADIO

YEAH, HE'S ONE OF THOSE GUYS
THAT'S JUST BEEN IN RADIO
FOREVER AND THIS TIME,

THAT'S JUST BEEN IN RADIO
FOREVER AND THIS TIME,
THIS TURN OF THE WHEEL

FOREVER AND THIS TIME,
THIS TURN OF THE WHEEL
HE FINDS HIMSELF PLAYING

THIS TURN OF THE WHEEL
HE FINDS HIMSELF PLAYING
ROCK AND ROLL AND HE'S DOING

HE FINDS HIMSELF PLAYING
ROCK AND ROLL AND HE'S DOING
THE MORNING DRIVE TIME SHIFT.

ROCK AND ROLL AND HE'S DOING
THE MORNING DRIVE TIME SHIFT.
YOU KNOW, I JUST FEEL LIKE

THE MORNING DRIVE TIME SHIFT.
YOU KNOW, I JUST FEEL LIKE
HE'S THE SORT OF PERSON THAT

YOU KNOW, I JUST FEEL LIKE
HE'S THE SORT OF PERSON THAT
PEOPLE REALLY KNOW.

HE'S THE SORT OF PERSON THAT
PEOPLE REALLY KNOW.
HE'S REALLY A RADIO MAN.

PEOPLE REALLY KNOW.
HE'S REALLY A RADIO MAN.
YEAH, WELL, I'M A RADIO MAN

HE'S REALLY A RADIO MAN.
YEAH, WELL, I'M A RADIO MAN
AND I'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING

YEAH, WELL, I'M A RADIO MAN
AND I'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING
BUT PLAY ROCK AND ROLL

AND I'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING
BUT PLAY ROCK AND ROLL
IN THE MORNING, IT'S AMAZING.

BUT PLAY ROCK AND ROLL
IN THE MORNING, IT'S AMAZING.
HOWARD, I LOVE THIS SHOW...

IN THE MORNING, IT'S AMAZING.
HOWARD, I LOVE THIS SHOW...
BUT I GOTTA ASK YA...

HOWARD, I LOVE THIS SHOW...
BUT I GOTTA ASK YA...
WHEN YOU'RE DOING YOUR SHOW

BUT I GOTTA ASK YA...
WHEN YOU'RE DOING YOUR SHOW
ON THE SHOW YOU DON'T

WHEN YOU'RE DOING YOUR SHOW
ON THE SHOW YOU DON'T
WEAR THE EARPHONES, HOW COME?

ON THE SHOW YOU DON'T
WEAR THE EARPHONES, HOW COME?
UH, ARTISTIC LICENSE.

WEAR THE EARPHONES, HOW COME?
UH, ARTISTIC LICENSE.
I MEAN, WE'RE DOING A T.V. SHOW

UH, ARTISTIC LICENSE.
I MEAN, WE'RE DOING A T.V. SHOW
NOT A RADIO STATION AND

I MEAN, WE'RE DOING A T.V. SHOW
NOT A RADIO STATION AND
BASICALLY WE'RE JUST TRYING

NOT A RADIO STATION AND
BASICALLY WE'RE JUST TRYING
TO LET THE AUDIENCE HEAR

BASICALLY WE'RE JUST TRYING
TO LET THE AUDIENCE HEAR
THE MUSIC ALONG WITH US

TO LET THE AUDIENCE HEAR
THE MUSIC ALONG WITH US
'CAUSE WE THINK THE MUSIC'S

THE MUSIC ALONG WITH US
'CAUSE WE THINK THE MUSIC'S
AN IMPORTANT PART OF THE SHOW.

'CAUSE WE THINK THE MUSIC'S
AN IMPORTANT PART OF THE SHOW.
SO IF I'VE GOT EARPHONES ON

AN IMPORTANT PART OF THE SHOW.
SO IF I'VE GOT EARPHONES ON
THEN NOBODY ELSE CAN HEAR

SO IF I'VE GOT EARPHONES ON
THEN NOBODY ELSE CAN HEAR
THE MUSIC, RIGHT?

THEN NOBODY ELSE CAN HEAR
THE MUSIC, RIGHT?
UH-HUH, WELL, YOU HAVE

THE MUSIC, RIGHT?
UH-HUH, WELL, YOU HAVE
AN IMPROVISATIONAL BACKGROUND.

UH-HUH, WELL, YOU HAVE
AN IMPROVISATIONAL BACKGROUND.
HOWARD HESSEMAN, OF COURSE,

AN IMPROVISATIONAL BACKGROUND.
HOWARD HESSEMAN, OF COURSE,
WHO WE'RE TALKING WITH

HOWARD HESSEMAN, OF COURSE,
WHO WE'RE TALKING WITH
THIS MORNING.

WHO WE'RE TALKING WITH
THIS MORNING.
MAYBE WE SHOULD DO A LITTLE

THIS MORNING.
MAYBE WE SHOULD DO A LITTLE
BUSINESS, TAKE A COUPLE

MAYBE WE SHOULD DO A LITTLE
BUSINESS, TAKE A COUPLE
OF COMMERCIALS AND WHEN WE

BUSINESS, TAKE A COUPLE
OF COMMERCIALS AND WHEN WE
COME BACK DO SOME NUTTY STUFF

OF COMMERCIALS AND WHEN WE
COME BACK DO SOME NUTTY STUFF
WITH THE MADMAN IN THE MORNING,

COME BACK DO SOME NUTTY STUFF
WITH THE MADMAN IN THE MORNING,
WHAT DO YOU THINK?

WITH THE MADMAN IN THE MORNING,
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
MAYBE.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?
MAYBE.
BEFORE WE DO THAT,

MAYBE.
BEFORE WE DO THAT,
WHAT'S YOUR OPINION

BEFORE WE DO THAT,
WHAT'S YOUR OPINION
ON THIS WHOLE IRAN THING?

WHAT'S YOUR OPINION
ON THIS WHOLE IRAN THING?
[LAUGHTER]

ON THIS WHOLE IRAN THING?
[LAUGHTER]
I WAS WATCHING A LOT

[LAUGHTER]
I WAS WATCHING A LOT
OF TELEVISION, YOU KNOW,

I WAS WATCHING A LOT
OF TELEVISION, YOU KNOW,
ON THANKSGIVING DAY AND, UH,

OF TELEVISION, YOU KNOW,
ON THANKSGIVING DAY AND, UH,
IT'S STRANGE, ALL THESE

ON THANKSGIVING DAY AND, UH,
IT'S STRANGE, ALL THESE
BIG INFLATABLE ANIMALS,

IT'S STRANGE, ALL THESE
BIG INFLATABLE ANIMALS,
FANTASY CHARACTERS...

BIG INFLATABLE ANIMALS,
FANTASY CHARACTERS...
THE MACY'S PARADE

FANTASY CHARACTERS...
THE MACY'S PARADE
AND ALL THAT.

THE MACY'S PARADE
AND ALL THAT.
YEAH...

AND ALL THAT.
YEAH...
AND I'M THINKING IF THE IRANIANS

YEAH...
AND I'M THINKING IF THE IRANIANS
ARE REALLY MONITORING OUR

AND I'M THINKING IF THE IRANIANS
ARE REALLY MONITORING OUR
TELEVISION BROADCASTS TO SEE

ARE REALLY MONITORING OUR
TELEVISION BROADCASTS TO SEE
WHAT THE REACTION IS IN THIS

TELEVISION BROADCASTS TO SEE
WHAT THE REACTION IS IN THIS
COUNTRY TO WHAT'S GOING ON

WHAT THE REACTION IS IN THIS
COUNTRY TO WHAT'S GOING ON
OVER THERE, THEN THEY'RE

COUNTRY TO WHAT'S GOING ON
OVER THERE, THEN THEY'RE
PROBABLY DEVELOPING SOME REALLY

OVER THERE, THEN THEY'RE
PROBABLY DEVELOPING SOME REALLY
BIZARRE NOTIONS ABOUT

PROBABLY DEVELOPING SOME REALLY
BIZARRE NOTIONS ABOUT
OUR RELIGIOUS RIGHTS.

BIZARRE NOTIONS ABOUT
OUR RELIGIOUS RIGHTS.
WELL, ALL OUR RIGHTS

OUR RELIGIOUS RIGHTS.
WELL, ALL OUR RIGHTS
PROBABLY, THE WHOLE FIRST

WELL, ALL OUR RIGHTS
PROBABLY, THE WHOLE FIRST
AMENDMENT'S SHOT.

PROBABLY, THE WHOLE FIRST
AMENDMENT'S SHOT.
HEY, HOWARD HESSEMAN

AMENDMENT'S SHOT.
HEY, HOWARD HESSEMAN
IS IN WITH US AND SPEAKING

HEY, HOWARD HESSEMAN
IS IN WITH US AND SPEAKING
OF RIGHTS, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

IS IN WITH US AND SPEAKING
OF RIGHTS, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
NICE.

OF RIGHTS, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
NICE.
SOUNDS GREAT OUT THERE.

NICE.
SOUNDS GREAT OUT THERE.
HOWARD'S LEVEL COULD BE

SOUNDS GREAT OUT THERE.
HOWARD'S LEVEL COULD BE
UP A LITTLE MORE.

HOWARD'S LEVEL COULD BE
UP A LITTLE MORE.
HE SOUNDS LIKE HE'S FAR AWAY.

UP A LITTLE MORE.
HE SOUNDS LIKE HE'S FAR AWAY.
IT'S THE SAME OLD

HE SOUNDS LIKE HE'S FAR AWAY.
IT'S THE SAME OLD
PROBLEM WITH THE MICS.

IT'S THE SAME OLD
PROBLEM WITH THE MICS.
HOWARD, THIS IS THE GUY

PROBLEM WITH THE MICS.
HOWARD, THIS IS THE GUY
WHO DOES THE NEWS ON OUR

HOWARD, THIS IS THE GUY
WHO DOES THE NEWS ON OUR
MORNING SHOW, KEN BLAYMAN.

WHO DOES THE NEWS ON OUR
MORNING SHOW, KEN BLAYMAN.
YOU KNOW, HOWARD, THE ONE

MORNING SHOW, KEN BLAYMAN.
YOU KNOW, HOWARD, THE ONE
THING WRONG WITH YOUR SHOW

YOU KNOW, HOWARD, THE ONE
THING WRONG WITH YOUR SHOW
IS THAT THE NEWS DIRECTOR

THING WRONG WITH YOUR SHOW
IS THAT THE NEWS DIRECTOR
WALKS AROUND IN A SUIT.

IS THAT THE NEWS DIRECTOR
WALKS AROUND IN A SUIT.
NOBODY WOULD EVER DO

WALKS AROUND IN A SUIT.
NOBODY WOULD EVER DO
THAT IN RADIO.

NOBODY WOULD EVER DO
THAT IN RADIO.
WELL, HE DOESN'T ALWAYS

THAT IN RADIO.
WELL, HE DOESN'T ALWAYS
WEAR A SUIT.

WELL, HE DOESN'T ALWAYS
WEAR A SUIT.
OH, YEAH?

WEAR A SUIT.
OH, YEAH?
WELL, THAT'S GOOD, THAT'S

OH, YEAH?
WELL, THAT'S GOOD, THAT'S
PROBABLY MORE REALISTIC

WELL, THAT'S GOOD, THAT'S
PROBABLY MORE REALISTIC
NOT TO DO IT ALL THE TIME.

PROBABLY MORE REALISTIC
NOT TO DO IT ALL THE TIME.
HOWARD, DO YOU DO CHARACTERS?

NOT TO DO IT ALL THE TIME.
HOWARD, DO YOU DO CHARACTERS?
'CAUSE IF YOU DID VOICES,

HOWARD, DO YOU DO CHARACTERS?
'CAUSE IF YOU DID VOICES,
YOU KNOW, LIKE A HOWARD COSELL...

'CAUSE IF YOU DID VOICES,
YOU KNOW, LIKE A HOWARD COSELL...
I DO A... KEN CAN VOUCH FOR ME

YOU KNOW, LIKE A HOWARD COSELL...
I DO A... KEN CAN VOUCH FOR ME
ON THIS, I DO A GREAT

I DO A... KEN CAN VOUCH FOR ME
ON THIS, I DO A GREAT
FRANK GIFFORD.

ON THIS, I DO A GREAT
FRANK GIFFORD.
THANK YOU, KEN.

FRANK GIFFORD.
THANK YOU, KEN.
AND IF YOU DID A COSELL

THANK YOU, KEN.
AND IF YOU DID A COSELL
IT COULD GET NUTTY, YOU KNOW?

AND IF YOU DID A COSELL
IT COULD GET NUTTY, YOU KNOW?
I DON'T DO HOWARD COSELL.

IT COULD GET NUTTY, YOU KNOW?
I DON'T DO HOWARD COSELL.
I BARELY DO HOWARD HESSEMAN.

I DON'T DO HOWARD COSELL.
I BARELY DO HOWARD HESSEMAN.
BUT LISTEN MAN, IT'S YOUR SHOW.

I BARELY DO HOWARD HESSEMAN.
BUT LISTEN MAN, IT'S YOUR SHOW.
I'LL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.

BUT LISTEN MAN, IT'S YOUR SHOW.
I'LL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.
WHAT'S THE NEXT RECORD UP?

I'LL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.
WHAT'S THE NEXT RECORD UP?
MAYBE WE COULD...

WHAT'S THE NEXT RECORD UP?
MAYBE WE COULD...
WELL, WE DON'T HAVE ANOTHER

MAYBE WE COULD...
WELL, WE DON'T HAVE ANOTHER
RECORD UNTIL THE NEWS OR

WELL, WE DON'T HAVE ANOTHER
RECORD UNTIL THE NEWS OR
AFTER THE NEWS.

RECORD UNTIL THE NEWS OR
AFTER THE NEWS.
AND I'M GONNA RUN

AFTER THE NEWS.
AND I'M GONNA RUN
A LITTLE LATE THIS MORNING.

AND I'M GONNA RUN
A LITTLE LATE THIS MORNING.
I'VE GOT A TAPE OF A GUY

A LITTLE LATE THIS MORNING.
I'VE GOT A TAPE OF A GUY
WHO WAS A RENT A COP

I'VE GOT A TAPE OF A GUY
WHO WAS A RENT A COP
AT THE WHO CONCERT.

WHO WAS A RENT A COP
AT THE WHO CONCERT.
OH, GREAT.

THERE'S ANOTHER THING,
HOWARD... YOU MIND IF
I CALL YOU HOWARD?

HOWARD... YOU MIND IF
I CALL YOU HOWARD?
BEATS CALLING ME PHIL.

I CALL YOU HOWARD?
BEATS CALLING ME PHIL.
HEY, THAT IS A GREAT LINE.

BEATS CALLING ME PHIL.
HEY, THAT IS A GREAT LINE.
IS THAT YOURS?

HEY, THAT IS A GREAT LINE.
IS THAT YOURS?
[LAUGHTER]

IS THAT YOURS?
[LAUGHTER]
ANYWAY, THE STRANGE THING

[LAUGHTER]
ANYWAY, THE STRANGE THING
IS A LOT OF STRANGE STUFF

ANYWAY, THE STRANGE THING
IS A LOT OF STRANGE STUFF
HAPPENS WHEN YOU'RE DOING RADIO

IS A LOT OF STRANGE STUFF
HAPPENS WHEN YOU'RE DOING RADIO
NEWS THAT YOU GUYS NEVER COVER.

HAPPENS WHEN YOU'RE DOING RADIO
NEWS THAT YOU GUYS NEVER COVER.
LIKE YESTERDAY, I'M IN HERE

NEWS THAT YOU GUYS NEVER COVER.
LIKE YESTERDAY, I'M IN HERE
AND I COME IN TO DO THE NEWS

LIKE YESTERDAY, I'M IN HERE
AND I COME IN TO DO THE NEWS
REPORT AND THE A.P. WIRE

AND I COME IN TO DO THE NEWS
REPORT AND THE A.P. WIRE
BREAKS DOWN LIKE TWO MINUTES

REPORT AND THE A.P. WIRE
BREAKS DOWN LIKE TWO MINUTES
BEFORE AND I HAD TO USE

BREAKS DOWN LIKE TWO MINUTES
BEFORE AND I HAD TO USE
THE WEATHER REPORT FROM

BEFORE AND I HAD TO USE
THE WEATHER REPORT FROM
THE DAY BEFORE.

THE WEATHER REPORT FROM
THE DAY BEFORE.
AND I GOT AWAY WITH IT.

THE DAY BEFORE.
AND I GOT AWAY WITH IT.
HEY, WE ARE SITTING HERE

AND I GOT AWAY WITH IT.
HEY, WE ARE SITTING HERE
CHEWING THE FAT WITH ONE OF MY

HEY, WE ARE SITTING HERE
CHEWING THE FAT WITH ONE OF MY
FAVORITE GUYS FROM RADIO BY T.V.

CHEWING THE FAT WITH ONE OF MY
FAVORITE GUYS FROM RADIO BY T.V.
HERE ON STEREO 105,

FAVORITE GUYS FROM RADIO BY T.V.
HERE ON STEREO 105,
HOWARD HESSEMAN.

HERE ON STEREO 105,
HOWARD HESSEMAN.
HOWARD WAS JUST TELLING ME

HOWARD HESSEMAN.
HOWARD WAS JUST TELLING ME
DURING THE COMMERCIAL,

HOWARD WAS JUST TELLING ME
DURING THE COMMERCIAL,
OF COURSE WE LISTEN TO THE

DURING THE COMMERCIAL,
OF COURSE WE LISTEN TO THE
COMMERCIALS, BUT YOU WERE

OF COURSE WE LISTEN TO THE
COMMERCIALS, BUT YOU WERE
TELLING ME IN BETWEEN 'EM,

COMMERCIALS, BUT YOU WERE
TELLING ME IN BETWEEN 'EM,
THAT YOU DO THIS HOWARD COSELL

TELLING ME IN BETWEEN 'EM,
THAT YOU DO THIS HOWARD COSELL
BIT THAT YOU WANNA SHARE

THAT YOU DO THIS HOWARD COSELL
BIT THAT YOU WANNA SHARE
WITH THE FOLKS, LET'S HEAR IT.

BIT THAT YOU WANNA SHARE
WITH THE FOLKS, LET'S HEAR IT.
I DON'T THINK THAT'S ACTUALLY

WITH THE FOLKS, LET'S HEAR IT.
I DON'T THINK THAT'S ACTUALLY
WHAT I SAID, STEVE, BUT...

I DON'T THINK THAT'S ACTUALLY
WHAT I SAID, STEVE, BUT...
IF YOU WANT ME TO BUTCHER

WHAT I SAID, STEVE, BUT...
IF YOU WANT ME TO BUTCHER
HOWARD COSELL SO YOU CAN DO

IF YOU WANT ME TO BUTCHER
HOWARD COSELL SO YOU CAN DO
YOUR FRANK GIFFORD BIT,

HOWARD COSELL SO YOU CAN DO
YOUR FRANK GIFFORD BIT,
I'M GAME.

YOUR FRANK GIFFORD BIT,
I'M GAME.
[CHUCKLES]

I'M GAME.
[CHUCKLES]
HOWARD'S PULLING MY LEG

[CHUCKLES]
HOWARD'S PULLING MY LEG
A LITTLE BIT 'CAUSE I PUT HIM ON

HOWARD'S PULLING MY LEG
A LITTLE BIT 'CAUSE I PUT HIM ON
THE SPOT A LITTLE EARLY THIS

A LITTLE BIT 'CAUSE I PUT HIM ON
THE SPOT A LITTLE EARLY THIS
MORNING AND I UNDERSTAND IT.

THE SPOT A LITTLE EARLY THIS
MORNING AND I UNDERSTAND IT.
WE ARE DOING SOMETHING PRETTY

MORNING AND I UNDERSTAND IT.
WE ARE DOING SOMETHING PRETTY
IMPORTANT, HOWARD, THAT MAYBE

WE ARE DOING SOMETHING PRETTY
IMPORTANT, HOWARD, THAT MAYBE
COULD BE, YOU KNOW, A STORY

IMPORTANT, HOWARD, THAT MAYBE
COULD BE, YOU KNOW, A STORY
FOR ONE OF YOUR SHOWS.

COULD BE, YOU KNOW, A STORY
FOR ONE OF YOUR SHOWS.
WHERE DO YOU GUYS GET

FOR ONE OF YOUR SHOWS.
WHERE DO YOU GUYS GET
YOUR IDEAS FOR THE SHOW?

WHERE DO YOU GUYS GET
YOUR IDEAS FOR THE SHOW?
WELL, SOME OF OUR WRITERS

YOUR IDEAS FOR THE SHOW?
WELL, SOME OF OUR WRITERS
WORKED IN RADIO, YOU KNOW,

WELL, SOME OF OUR WRITERS
WORKED IN RADIO, YOU KNOW,
AND A LOT OF TIMES WE JUST

WORKED IN RADIO, YOU KNOW,
AND A LOT OF TIMES WE JUST
TAKE OLD "DICK VAN DYKE" SCRIPTS

AND A LOT OF TIMES WE JUST
TAKE OLD "DICK VAN DYKE" SCRIPTS
AND CHANGE THE PLOT.

TAKE OLD "DICK VAN DYKE" SCRIPTS
AND CHANGE THE PLOT.
[LAUGHTER]

AND CHANGE THE PLOT.
[LAUGHTER]
WHAT WE'RE DOING IS

[LAUGHTER]
WHAT WE'RE DOING IS
WE'RE GIVING AWAY ARM BANDS

WHAT WE'RE DOING IS
WE'RE GIVING AWAY ARM BANDS
THAT SAY "FREE THE HOSTAGES"

WE'RE GIVING AWAY ARM BANDS
THAT SAY "FREE THE HOSTAGES"
AND I'M SURE WHAT YOU'D LIKE

THAT SAY "FREE THE HOSTAGES"
AND I'M SURE WHAT YOU'D LIKE
TO DO IS STICK AROUND AFTER

AND I'M SURE WHAT YOU'D LIKE
TO DO IS STICK AROUND AFTER
THE SHOW, MAYBE AUTOGRAPH

TO DO IS STICK AROUND AFTER
THE SHOW, MAYBE AUTOGRAPH
50 OR 100 OF THEM AND WE COULD

THE SHOW, MAYBE AUTOGRAPH
50 OR 100 OF THEM AND WE COULD
AUCTION THEM OFF, RAISE SOME

50 OR 100 OF THEM AND WE COULD
AUCTION THEM OFF, RAISE SOME
MONEY, SEND THE MONEY OVER

AUCTION THEM OFF, RAISE SOME
MONEY, SEND THE MONEY OVER
TO THE HOSTAGES, JUST FORWARD IT

MONEY, SEND THE MONEY OVER
TO THE HOSTAGES, JUST FORWARD IT
OVER TO THEM AND LET THEM KNOW

TO THE HOSTAGES, JUST FORWARD IT
OVER TO THEM AND LET THEM KNOW
THAT THE AMERICANS ARE BEHIND

OVER TO THEM AND LET THEM KNOW
THAT THE AMERICANS ARE BEHIND
THEM AND... I KNOW I'M PUTTIN'

THAT THE AMERICANS ARE BEHIND
THEM AND... I KNOW I'M PUTTIN'
YOU ON THE SPOT A LITTLE BIT.

THEM AND... I KNOW I'M PUTTIN'
YOU ON THE SPOT A LITTLE BIT.
YOU'RE GONNA FORWARD

YOU ON THE SPOT A LITTLE BIT.
YOU'RE GONNA FORWARD
THE MONEY TO THE HOSTAGES?

YOU'RE GONNA FORWARD
THE MONEY TO THE HOSTAGES?
YEAH, OR OPEN A TRUST FUND

THE MONEY TO THE HOSTAGES?
YEAH, OR OPEN A TRUST FUND
FOR THEM, SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

YEAH, OR OPEN A TRUST FUND
FOR THEM, SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
TRUST FUND?

FOR THEM, SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
TRUST FUND?
SURE.

TRUST FUND?
SURE.
UH-HUH, WELL, IF THAT

SURE.
UH-HUH, WELL, IF THAT
MAKES SENSE TO YOU...

UH-HUH, WELL, IF THAT
MAKES SENSE TO YOU...
I GUESS POLITICS DON'T MAKE

MAKES SENSE TO YOU...
I GUESS POLITICS DON'T MAKE
MUCH SENSE TO ME ANYMORE.

I GUESS POLITICS DON'T MAKE
MUCH SENSE TO ME ANYMORE.
WELL, I TELL YA, AT 7:26

MUCH SENSE TO ME ANYMORE.
WELL, I TELL YA, AT 7:26
IN THE MORNING, NOTHING MAKES

WELL, I TELL YA, AT 7:26
IN THE MORNING, NOTHING MAKES
MUCH SENSE, ESPECIALLY WHEN

IN THE MORNING, NOTHING MAKES
MUCH SENSE, ESPECIALLY WHEN
YOU'RE FIGHTING THAT TRAFFIC.

MUCH SENSE, ESPECIALLY WHEN
YOU'RE FIGHTING THAT TRAFFIC.
THAT'S THE GREAT THING ABOUT

YOU'RE FIGHTING THAT TRAFFIC.
THAT'S THE GREAT THING ABOUT
RADIO, HOWARD...

THAT'S THE GREAT THING ABOUT
RADIO, HOWARD...
STEVE, ONE OF THE OTHER

RADIO, HOWARD...
STEVE, ONE OF THE OTHER
THINGS THAT GREAT ABOUT RADIO

STEVE, ONE OF THE OTHER
THINGS THAT GREAT ABOUT RADIO
AND IT'S A CLICHÉ, BUT IT'S

THINGS THAT GREAT ABOUT RADIO
AND IT'S A CLICHÉ, BUT IT'S
TRUE, IT UTILIZES THE

AND IT'S A CLICHÉ, BUT IT'S
TRUE, IT UTILIZES THE
IMAGINATION OF A LISTENER

TRUE, IT UTILIZES THE
IMAGINATION OF A LISTENER
AND WHAT'S GOING ON IN THE

IMAGINATION OF A LISTENER
AND WHAT'S GOING ON IN THE
STUDIO IS A LOT DIFFERENT FROM

AND WHAT'S GOING ON IN THE
STUDIO IS A LOT DIFFERENT FROM
WHAT YOU THINK WHEN YOU'RE

STUDIO IS A LOT DIFFERENT FROM
WHAT YOU THINK WHEN YOU'RE
LISTENING AT HOME.

WHAT YOU THINK WHEN YOU'RE
LISTENING AT HOME.
AND THAT'S WHAT'S FUN ABOUT

LISTENING AT HOME.
AND THAT'S WHAT'S FUN ABOUT
DOING WKRP, STEVE, BECAUSE WE

AND THAT'S WHAT'S FUN ABOUT
DOING WKRP, STEVE, BECAUSE WE
GET TO SHOW THE AUDIENCE THAT.

DOING WKRP, STEVE, BECAUSE WE
GET TO SHOW THE AUDIENCE THAT.
WE GET TO FILL IN THE GAPS

GET TO SHOW THE AUDIENCE THAT.
WE GET TO FILL IN THE GAPS
IN THEIR IMAGINATION,

WE GET TO FILL IN THE GAPS
IN THEIR IMAGINATION,
YOU KNOW, STEVE?

IN THEIR IMAGINATION,
YOU KNOW, STEVE?
HEY, THANKS FOR FILLING IN

YOU KNOW, STEVE?
HEY, THANKS FOR FILLING IN
FOR ME, HOWARD BECAUSE I JUST

HEY, THANKS FOR FILLING IN
FOR ME, HOWARD BECAUSE I JUST
HAD TO RUSH OVER TO THE TRAFFIC

FOR ME, HOWARD BECAUSE I JUST
HAD TO RUSH OVER TO THE TRAFFIC
CONTROL CENTER FOR THIS

HAD TO RUSH OVER TO THE TRAFFIC
CONTROL CENTER FOR THIS
BULLETIN.

CONTROL CENTER FOR THIS
BULLETIN.
THE EISENHOWER EXPRESSWAY

BULLETIN.
THE EISENHOWER EXPRESSWAY
IS A MESS THIS MORNING.

THE EISENHOWER EXPRESSWAY
IS A MESS THIS MORNING.
AVOID EISENHOWER IF YOU CAN.

IS A MESS THIS MORNING.
AVOID EISENHOWER IF YOU CAN.
USE AN ALTERNATE.

AVOID EISENHOWER IF YOU CAN.
USE AN ALTERNATE.
THAT WOULD'VE BEEN

USE AN ALTERNATE.
THAT WOULD'VE BEEN
GREAT THEN.

THAT WOULD'VE BEEN
GREAT THEN.
YOU MEAN EARLIER

GREAT THEN.
YOU MEAN EARLIER
THIS MORNING?

YOU MEAN EARLIER
THIS MORNING?
NO, IN THE FIFTIES.

THIS MORNING?
NO, IN THE FIFTIES.
[CHUCKLES]

NO, IN THE FIFTIES.
[CHUCKLES]
THE WHOLE EISENHOWER THING.

[CHUCKLES]
THE WHOLE EISENHOWER THING.
[HONKS]

THE WHOLE EISENHOWER THING.
[HONKS]
YOU ARE TOO FAST FOR ME,

[HONKS]
YOU ARE TOO FAST FOR ME,
HOWARD HESSEMAN.

YOU ARE TOO FAST FOR ME,
HOWARD HESSEMAN.
THAT IS WHY YOU ARE ON T.V.

HOWARD HESSEMAN.
THAT IS WHY YOU ARE ON T.V.
AND I'M ON MORNING RADIO, I BET.

THAT IS WHY YOU ARE ON T.V.
AND I'M ON MORNING RADIO, I BET.
I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH

AND I'M ON MORNING RADIO, I BET.
I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH
FOR BEING WITH US.

I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH
FOR BEING WITH US.
I GUESS NEXT TIME YOU'RE

FOR BEING WITH US.
I GUESS NEXT TIME YOU'RE
ON RADIO WE'LL BE SEEING

I GUESS NEXT TIME YOU'RE
ON RADIO WE'LL BE SEEING
YOU ON T.V., HUH?

ON RADIO WE'LL BE SEEING
YOU ON T.V., HUH?
[BELL DINGS]

YOU ON T.V., HUH?
[BELL DINGS]
UNLESS I'M ON THE RADIO

[BELL DINGS]
UNLESS I'M ON THE RADIO
DOING A RADIO SHOW LIKE THIS.

UNLESS I'M ON THE RADIO
DOING A RADIO SHOW LIKE THIS.
UH-HUH.

DOING A RADIO SHOW LIKE THIS.
UH-HUH.
Man: I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!

UH-HUH.
Man: I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!
WILL YOU LET HIM ALONE,

Man: I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!
WILL YOU LET HIM ALONE,
HE'S A GUEST.

WILL YOU LET HIM ALONE,
HE'S A GUEST.
HEY, THAT WAS GREAT.

HE'S A GUEST.
HEY, THAT WAS GREAT.
THAT'S THE BEST INTERVIEW

HEY, THAT WAS GREAT.
THAT'S THE BEST INTERVIEW
WE'VE EVER DONE.

THAT'S THE BEST INTERVIEW
WE'VE EVER DONE.
SWEAR TO GOD.

WE'VE EVER DONE.
SWEAR TO GOD.
REALLY?

SWEAR TO GOD.
REALLY?
WELL, STRANGELY ENOUGH,

REALLY?
WELL, STRANGELY ENOUGH,
WE NEVER DID MENTION THE FACT

WELL, STRANGELY ENOUGH,
WE NEVER DID MENTION THE FACT
THAT OUR SHOW IS BEING MOVED

WE NEVER DID MENTION THE FACT
THAT OUR SHOW IS BEING MOVED
ON A TIME SCHEDULE SO, UH...

THAT OUR SHOW IS BEING MOVED
ON A TIME SCHEDULE SO, UH...
I THINK THAT'S THE REASON

ON A TIME SCHEDULE SO, UH...
I THINK THAT'S THE REASON
THEY ASKED ME TO COME HERE...

I THINK THAT'S THE REASON
THEY ASKED ME TO COME HERE...
I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT IT,

THEY ASKED ME TO COME HERE...
I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT IT,
MAN, 'CAUSE I'LL MENTION IT

I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT IT,
MAN, 'CAUSE I'LL MENTION IT
NEXT HOUR, YOU KNOW.

MAN, 'CAUSE I'LL MENTION IT
NEXT HOUR, YOU KNOW.
MORE PEOPLE ARE LISTENING

NEXT HOUR, YOU KNOW.
MORE PEOPLE ARE LISTENING
THEN ANYWAY, IT'S RUSH HOUR.

MORE PEOPLE ARE LISTENING
THEN ANYWAY, IT'S RUSH HOUR.
OH, GREAT.

THEN ANYWAY, IT'S RUSH HOUR.
OH, GREAT.
WELL, I'VE GOTTA GO NOW.

OH, GREAT.
WELL, I'VE GOTTA GO NOW.
LISTEN, THANKS A LOT.

WELL, I'VE GOTTA GO NOW.
LISTEN, THANKS A LOT.
HATE TO FLY OUT IN THE FACE

LISTEN, THANKS A LOT.
HATE TO FLY OUT IN THE FACE
OF A GOOD RUSH.

HATE TO FLY OUT IN THE FACE
OF A GOOD RUSH.
GOOD MORNING.

OF A GOOD RUSH.
GOOD MORNING.
THE NEWS FROM STEREO 105,

GOOD MORNING.
THE NEWS FROM STEREO 105,
I'M KEN BLAYMAN.

THE NEWS FROM STEREO 105,
I'M KEN BLAYMAN.
AND THE QUESTION THIS MORNING

I'M KEN BLAYMAN.
AND THE QUESTION THIS MORNING
SEEMS TO BE, "ARE ROCK GROUPS

AND THE QUESTION THIS MORNING
SEEMS TO BE, "ARE ROCK GROUPS
RESPONSIBLE FOR THE VIOLENCE

SEEMS TO BE, "ARE ROCK GROUPS
RESPONSIBLE FOR THE VIOLENCE
THAT OCCURS AT THEIR CONCERTS?"

RESPONSIBLE FOR THE VIOLENCE
THAT OCCURS AT THEIR CONCERTS?"
ONE MAN WHO THINKS SO

THAT OCCURS AT THEIR CONCERTS?"
ONE MAN WHO THINKS SO
IS A MAN NAMED FRANK PUTNAM...

ONE MAN WHO THINKS SO
IS A MAN NAMED FRANK PUTNAM...
[APPLAUSE]

[♪...]

FOR THE NUCLEAR FAMILY.

[♪...]

[YAWNS]
[DOOR OPENS]
HONEY, I'M HOME.

[DOOR OPENS]
HONEY, I'M HOME.
OH, HI HONEY.

HONEY, I'M HOME.
OH, HI HONEY.
HOW WAS WORK?

OH, HI HONEY.
HOW WAS WORK?
OH, OKAY.

HOW WAS WORK?
OH, OKAY.
I'M JUST BUSHED THOUGH.

OH, OKAY.
I'M JUST BUSHED THOUGH.
I SURE AM GLAD

I'M JUST BUSHED THOUGH.
I SURE AM GLAD
THE PLANT'S NEARBY.

I SURE AM GLAD
THE PLANT'S NEARBY.
IF IT WAS ANY FURTHER

THE PLANT'S NEARBY.
IF IT WAS ANY FURTHER
I THINK I'D JUST HAVE TO

IF IT WAS ANY FURTHER
I THINK I'D JUST HAVE TO
GET ANOTHER JOB.

I THINK I'D JUST HAVE TO
GET ANOTHER JOB.
WELL, WHY DON'T YOU

GET ANOTHER JOB.
WELL, WHY DON'T YOU
MAKE YOURSELF A DRINK?

WELL, WHY DON'T YOU
MAKE YOURSELF A DRINK?
NO, NO, I'M REALLY TOO TIRED.

MAKE YOURSELF A DRINK?
NO, NO, I'M REALLY TOO TIRED.
HOW WAS YOUR DAY?

NO, NO, I'M REALLY TOO TIRED.
HOW WAS YOUR DAY?
FINE, QUIET.

HOW WAS YOUR DAY?
FINE, QUIET.
JUST GOT UP A LITTLE WHILE AGO.

FINE, QUIET.
JUST GOT UP A LITTLE WHILE AGO.
OH, WELL.

JUST GOT UP A LITTLE WHILE AGO.
OH, WELL.
MY GOD.

OH, WELL.
MY GOD.
I THINK THIS ONE'S GONNA BE

MY GOD.
I THINK THIS ONE'S GONNA BE
GONE BY THE MORNING, NOPE.

I THINK THIS ONE'S GONNA BE
GONE BY THE MORNING, NOPE.
OH, ANOTHER ONE.

GONE BY THE MORNING, NOPE.
OH, ANOTHER ONE.
YEAH.

OH, ANOTHER ONE.
YEAH.
OH GOLLY, HONEY.

YEAH.
OH GOLLY, HONEY.
OH, BY THE WAY, WE'VE BEEN

OH GOLLY, HONEY.
OH, BY THE WAY, WE'VE BEEN
INVITED OVER TO DINNER

OH, BY THE WAY, WE'VE BEEN
INVITED OVER TO DINNER
AT THE STELSON'S.

INVITED OVER TO DINNER
AT THE STELSON'S.
AGAIN?

AT THE STELSON'S.
AGAIN?
I DON'T FEEL LIKE GOING.

AGAIN?
I DON'T FEEL LIKE GOING.
I HAVE A COLD.

I DON'T FEEL LIKE GOING.
I HAVE A COLD.
OH, NOW, HONEY, YOU CAN'T

I HAVE A COLD.
OH, NOW, HONEY, YOU CAN'T
USE THAT EXCUSE AGAIN.

OH, NOW, HONEY, YOU CAN'T
USE THAT EXCUSE AGAIN.
BUT I AM SICK.

USE THAT EXCUSE AGAIN.
BUT I AM SICK.
I'VE HAD THIS COLD FOR MONTHS.

BUT I AM SICK.
I'VE HAD THIS COLD FOR MONTHS.
I JUST CAN'T SHAKE IT.

I'VE HAD THIS COLD FOR MONTHS.
I JUST CAN'T SHAKE IT.
WELL, HAVE YOU SEEN

I JUST CAN'T SHAKE IT.
WELL, HAVE YOU SEEN
THE COMPANY DOCTOR?

WELL, HAVE YOU SEEN
THE COMPANY DOCTOR?
YEAH, I MUST'VE BEEN

THE COMPANY DOCTOR?
YEAH, I MUST'VE BEEN
X-RAYED A HUNDRED TIMES.

YEAH, I MUST'VE BEEN
X-RAYED A HUNDRED TIMES.
HI.

X-RAYED A HUNDRED TIMES.
HI.
HI, SON.

HI.
HI, SON.
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?

HI, SON.
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?
DID YOU HURT YOURSELF

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?
DID YOU HURT YOURSELF
IN PRACTICE?

DID YOU HURT YOURSELF
IN PRACTICE?
NOT EXACTLY.

IN PRACTICE?
NOT EXACTLY.
I WAS IN THE LOCKER ROOM

NOT EXACTLY.
I WAS IN THE LOCKER ROOM
AT SCHOOL AND I PULLED MY

I WAS IN THE LOCKER ROOM
AT SCHOOL AND I PULLED MY
T-SHIRT OVER MY HEAD

AT SCHOOL AND I PULLED MY
T-SHIRT OVER MY HEAD
AND HEARD THE SNAP.

T-SHIRT OVER MY HEAD
AND HEARD THE SNAP.
I THINK I BROKE MY ARM.

AND HEARD THE SNAP.
I THINK I BROKE MY ARM.
OH, WELL, MR. BRITTLE BONES.

I THINK I BROKE MY ARM.
OH, WELL, MR. BRITTLE BONES.
SOMETIMES I THINK HE'LL DO

OH, WELL, MR. BRITTLE BONES.
SOMETIMES I THINK HE'LL DO
ANYTHING TO GET OUT OF

SOMETIMES I THINK HE'LL DO
ANYTHING TO GET OUT OF
HELPING US AROUND THE HOUSE

ANYTHING TO GET OUT OF
HELPING US AROUND THE HOUSE
SO HE COULD SPEND MORE TIME

HELPING US AROUND THE HOUSE
SO HE COULD SPEND MORE TIME
WITH THAT GIRLFRIEND OF HIS.

SO HE COULD SPEND MORE TIME
WITH THAT GIRLFRIEND OF HIS.
COME ON, DAD.

WITH THAT GIRLFRIEND OF HIS.
COME ON, DAD.
LISTEN, HOW IS JANIE ANYWAY?

COME ON, DAD.
LISTEN, HOW IS JANIE ANYWAY?
[LAUGHTER]

LISTEN, HOW IS JANIE ANYWAY?
[LAUGHTER]
I HAVEN'T SEEN HER AROUND HERE.

[LAUGHTER]
I HAVEN'T SEEN HER AROUND HERE.
DID YOU TWO HAVE A FIGHT?

I HAVEN'T SEEN HER AROUND HERE.
DID YOU TWO HAVE A FIGHT?
SHE USED TO BE AROUND HERE

DID YOU TWO HAVE A FIGHT?
SHE USED TO BE AROUND HERE
ALL THE TIME.

SHE USED TO BE AROUND HERE
ALL THE TIME.
WELL, SHE HASN'T BEEN

ALL THE TIME.
WELL, SHE HASN'T BEEN
FEELING TOO WELL LATELY.

WELL, SHE HASN'T BEEN
FEELING TOO WELL LATELY.
OH, I HOPE IT'S NOT SERIOUS.

FEELING TOO WELL LATELY.
OH, I HOPE IT'S NOT SERIOUS.
SHE'S SUCH A CUTE GIRL.

OH, I HOPE IT'S NOT SERIOUS.
SHE'S SUCH A CUTE GIRL.
THE BOY SPENDS TOO MUCH TIME

SHE'S SUCH A CUTE GIRL.
THE BOY SPENDS TOO MUCH TIME
WITH HER, IF YOU ASK ME.

THE BOY SPENDS TOO MUCH TIME
WITH HER, IF YOU ASK ME.
NOW MAYBE HE'LL PAY MORE

WITH HER, IF YOU ASK ME.
NOW MAYBE HE'LL PAY MORE
ATTENTION TO HIS SCHOOL WORK.

NOW MAYBE HE'LL PAY MORE
ATTENTION TO HIS SCHOOL WORK.
BY THE WAY, BILLY, I THINK I CAN

ATTENTION TO HIS SCHOOL WORK.
BY THE WAY, BILLY, I THINK I CAN
PULL A FEW STRINGS AND GET YOU

BY THE WAY, BILLY, I THINK I CAN
PULL A FEW STRINGS AND GET YOU
A JOB AT THE PLANT THIS SUMMER.

PULL A FEW STRINGS AND GET YOU
A JOB AT THE PLANT THIS SUMMER.
OH, DAD, CAN WE TALK

A JOB AT THE PLANT THIS SUMMER.
OH, DAD, CAN WE TALK
ABOUT THAT LATER?

OH, DAD, CAN WE TALK
ABOUT THAT LATER?
I'M REALLY TIRED NOW.

ABOUT THAT LATER?
I'M REALLY TIRED NOW.
OKAY.

I'M REALLY TIRED NOW.
OKAY.
HI MOM, HI DAD.

OKAY.
HI MOM, HI DAD.
WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?

HI MOM, HI DAD.
WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?
I RESTED ON THE WAY.

WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?
I RESTED ON THE WAY.
DON'T YOU HAVE A BIG DATE

I RESTED ON THE WAY.
DON'T YOU HAVE A BIG DATE
TONIGHT, HONEY?

DON'T YOU HAVE A BIG DATE
TONIGHT, HONEY?
NOT ANYMORE.

TONIGHT, HONEY?
NOT ANYMORE.
I TOLD RONNY I COULDN'T MAKE IT.

NOT ANYMORE.
I TOLD RONNY I COULDN'T MAKE IT.
[LAUGHTER]

I TOLD RONNY I COULDN'T MAKE IT.
[LAUGHTER]
WHY NOT?

[LAUGHTER]
WHY NOT?
I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE

WHY NOT?
I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE
UNTIL MY SKIN CLEARS UP.

I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE
UNTIL MY SKIN CLEARS UP.
I DON'T THINK IT EVER WILL.

UNTIL MY SKIN CLEARS UP.
I DON'T THINK IT EVER WILL.
[LAUGHTER]

I DON'T THINK IT EVER WILL.
[LAUGHTER]
HONEY, ALL YOUNG GIRLS YOUR

[LAUGHTER]
HONEY, ALL YOUNG GIRLS YOUR
AGE GO THROUGH THIS AND IF YOU

HONEY, ALL YOUNG GIRLS YOUR
AGE GO THROUGH THIS AND IF YOU
JUST STOP PICKING AT THAT SORE

AGE GO THROUGH THIS AND IF YOU
JUST STOP PICKING AT THAT SORE
IT WOULD GO AWAY.

JUST STOP PICKING AT THAT SORE
IT WOULD GO AWAY.
BUT I HAVEN'T BEEN

IT WOULD GO AWAY.
BUT I HAVEN'T BEEN
PICKING IT, I SWEAR.

BUT I HAVEN'T BEEN
PICKING IT, I SWEAR.
IT JUST WON'T GO AWAY.

PICKING IT, I SWEAR.
IT JUST WON'T GO AWAY.
I'M GONNA START WEARING

IT JUST WON'T GO AWAY.
I'M GONNA START WEARING
A VEIL TO SCHOOL.

I'M GONNA START WEARING
A VEIL TO SCHOOL.
WHY DON'T YOU HAVE

A VEIL TO SCHOOL.
WHY DON'T YOU HAVE
A GLASS OF LEMONADE?

WHY DON'T YOU HAVE
A GLASS OF LEMONADE?
IT'S GOT LOTS OF SUGAR IN IT.

A GLASS OF LEMONADE?
IT'S GOT LOTS OF SUGAR IN IT.
IT'LL PICK YOU RIGHT UP.

IT'S GOT LOTS OF SUGAR IN IT.
IT'LL PICK YOU RIGHT UP.
NO, I DON'T THINK SO.

IT'LL PICK YOU RIGHT UP.
NO, I DON'T THINK SO.
I FEEL A LITTLE QUEASY.

NO, I DON'T THINK SO.
I FEEL A LITTLE QUEASY.
I THINK I'M GONNA JUST

I FEEL A LITTLE QUEASY.
I THINK I'M GONNA JUST
GO TO MY ROOM.

BILLY, SOME LEMONADE?
YEAH, I GUESS I COULD
HOLD THAT DOWN.

YEAH, I GUESS I COULD
HOLD THAT DOWN.
IT'S OUT IN THE KITCHEN,

HOLD THAT DOWN.
IT'S OUT IN THE KITCHEN,
WHY DON'T YOU GO FIX IT.

IT'S OUT IN THE KITCHEN,
WHY DON'T YOU GO FIX IT.
HONEY, WHY DON'T YOU

WHY DON'T YOU GO FIX IT.
HONEY, WHY DON'T YOU
CALL THE STELSONS AND JUST

HONEY, WHY DON'T YOU
CALL THE STELSONS AND JUST
TELL THEM THAT WE'RE NOT COMING.

CALL THE STELSONS AND JUST
TELL THEM THAT WE'RE NOT COMING.
OH, NO, HONEY, YOU'RE NOT

TELL THEM THAT WE'RE NOT COMING.
OH, NO, HONEY, YOU'RE NOT
GETTING OUT OF IT THIS TIME.

OH, NO, HONEY, YOU'RE NOT
GETTING OUT OF IT THIS TIME.
JUST LET ME GET A LITTLE

GETTING OUT OF IT THIS TIME.
JUST LET ME GET A LITTLE
SHUT-EYE FIRST, HMM?

JUST LET ME GET A LITTLE
SHUT-EYE FIRST, HMM?
COULD YOU TURN OUT THE LIGHTS?

SHUT-EYE FIRST, HMM?
COULD YOU TURN OUT THE LIGHTS?
OKAY, DEAR.

COULD YOU TURN OUT THE LIGHTS?
OKAY, DEAR.
THANKS.

[LAUGHTER]
Announcer: JOIN US TOMORROW
FOR MORE FUN WITH

THE NUCLEAR FAMILY.
[APPLAUSE]

ONCE AGAIN, RANDY NEWMAN.
[APPLAUSE]
[♪...]

♪ THEY WERE SIX FINE
ENGLISH BOYS ♪
♪ WHO KNEW EACH OTHER

ENGLISH BOYS ♪
♪ WHO KNEW EACH OTHER
IN BIRMINGHAM ♪

♪ WHO KNEW EACH OTHER
IN BIRMINGHAM ♪
♪ THEY BOUGHT A DRUM

IN BIRMINGHAM ♪
♪ THEY BOUGHT A DRUM
AND GUITAR ♪

♪ THEY BOUGHT A DRUM
AND GUITAR ♪
♪ STARTED A ROCK-ROLL BAND ♪

AND GUITAR ♪
♪ STARTED A ROCK-ROLL BAND ♪
♪ AND JOHNNY PLAYED

♪ STARTED A ROCK-ROLL BAND ♪
♪ AND JOHNNY PLAYED
LITTLE VIOLIN ♪

♪ AND JOHNNY PLAYED
LITTLE VIOLIN ♪
♪ AND BOBBY JOE PLAYED

LITTLE VIOLIN ♪
♪ AND BOBBY JOE PLAYED
THE BIG VIOLIN ♪

♪ AND BOBBY JOE PLAYED
THE BIG VIOLIN ♪
♪ THE ONE THAT STANDS

THE BIG VIOLIN ♪
♪ THE ONE THAT STANDS
ON THE FLOOR ♪

♪ THE ONE THAT STANDS
ON THE FLOOR ♪
♪ THEY WERE ALL IN

ON THE FLOOR ♪
♪ THEY WERE ALL IN
THE ROCK-ROLL BAND ♪

♪ THEIR FIRST SONG
SOUNDED LIKE THIS ♪
♪ OH ♪

SOUNDED LIKE THIS ♪
♪ OH ♪
♪ OH ♪

♪ OH ♪
♪ OH ♪
♪ PLEASE GET ME A WITNESS ♪

♪ OH ♪
♪ PLEASE GET ME A WITNESS ♪
♪ PLEASE GET ME A WITNESS ♪

♪ PLEASE GET ME A WITNESS ♪
♪ PLEASE GET ME A WITNESS ♪
♪ RIGHT OFF THEY NEEDED A NAME ♪

♪ PLEASE GET ME A WITNESS ♪
♪ RIGHT OFF THEY NEEDED A NAME ♪
♪ SOMEONE SAID, HOW 'BOUT

♪ RIGHT OFF THEY NEEDED A NAME ♪
♪ SOMEONE SAID, HOW 'BOUT
THE RENEGADES? ♪

♪ SOMEONE SAID, HOW 'BOUT
THE RENEGADES? ♪
♪ JOHNNY SAID,

THE RENEGADES? ♪
♪ JOHNNY SAID,
WELL, I DON'T KNOW ♪

♪ JOHNNY SAID,
WELL, I DON'T KNOW ♪
♪ I PREFER E.L.O. ♪

WELL, I DON'T KNOW ♪
♪ I PREFER E.L.O. ♪
[♪...]

♪ I LOVE THEIR MR. BLUE SKY ♪
♪ ALMOST MY FAVORITE
IS TURN TO STONE ♪

♪ ALMOST MY FAVORITE
IS TURN TO STONE ♪
♪ AND HOW 'BOUT

IS TURN TO STONE ♪
♪ AND HOW 'BOUT
TELEPHONE LINE? ♪

♪ AND HOW 'BOUT
TELEPHONE LINE? ♪
♪ I LOVE THAT E.L.O. ♪

TELEPHONE LINE? ♪
♪ I LOVE THAT E.L.O. ♪
♪ I LOVE THEIR MR. BLUE SKY ♪

♪ I LOVE THAT E.L.O. ♪
♪ I LOVE THEIR MR. BLUE SKY ♪
♪ ALMOST MY FAVORITE IS

♪ I LOVE THEIR MR. BLUE SKY ♪
♪ ALMOST MY FAVORITE IS
TURN TO STONE ♪

♪ ALMOST MY FAVORITE IS
TURN TO STONE ♪
♪ AND HOW 'BOUT

TURN TO STONE ♪
♪ AND HOW 'BOUT
TELEPHONE LINE? ♪

♪ AND HOW 'BOUT
TELEPHONE LINE? ♪
♪ I LOVE THAT E.L.O. ♪

TELEPHONE LINE? ♪
♪ I LOVE THAT E.L.O. ♪
[♪...]

[APPLAUSE]

♪ YOU WERE MY FIRST LOVE ♪
Man: FIRST LOVE...
THE GROPING, THE FEELING,

Man: FIRST LOVE...
THE GROPING, THE FEELING,
THE DIPPING, THE NERVOUS

THE GROPING, THE FEELING,
THE DIPPING, THE NERVOUS
QUALITY OF IT ALL.

THE DIPPING, THE NERVOUS
QUALITY OF IT ALL.
WILL HE LIKE ME?

QUALITY OF IT ALL.
WILL HE LIKE ME?
DID SHE NOTICE ME?

WILL HE LIKE ME?
DID SHE NOTICE ME?
WILL HE ASK ME AGAIN?

DID SHE NOTICE ME?
WILL HE ASK ME AGAIN?
SHOULD I ASK HER OUT?

WILL HE ASK ME AGAIN?
SHOULD I ASK HER OUT?
AND WHAT'S HAPPENED TO

SHOULD I ASK HER OUT?
AND WHAT'S HAPPENED TO
THOSE FIRST LOVES?

AND WHAT'S HAPPENED TO
THOSE FIRST LOVES?
WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

THOSE FIRST LOVES?
WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
WE WANTED TO FIND OUT

WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
WE WANTED TO FIND OUT
ABOUT MEMORIES LONG LOST

WE WANTED TO FIND OUT
ABOUT MEMORIES LONG LOST
BUT NEVER FORGOTTEN.

ABOUT MEMORIES LONG LOST
BUT NEVER FORGOTTEN.
THIS WEEK ON FIRST LOVE,

BUT NEVER FORGOTTEN.
THIS WEEK ON FIRST LOVE,
JANE CURTIN.

THIS WEEK ON FIRST LOVE,
JANE CURTIN.
JANE CURTIN, WHO WAS

JANE CURTIN.
JANE CURTIN, WHO WAS
YOUR FIRST LOVE?

JANE CURTIN, WHO WAS
YOUR FIRST LOVE?
MY FIRST LOVE?

YOUR FIRST LOVE?
MY FIRST LOVE?
WALTER CRONKITE.

MY FIRST LOVE?
WALTER CRONKITE.
THIS IS THE COMPANY

WALTER CRONKITE.
THIS IS THE COMPANY
THAT WALTER WORKS FOR.

THIS IS THE COMPANY
THAT WALTER WORKS FOR.
IT'S CBS.

THAT WALTER WORKS FOR.
IT'S CBS.
Man: WHAT'S WALTER

IT'S CBS.
Man: WHAT'S WALTER
REALLY LIKE?

Man: WHAT'S WALTER
REALLY LIKE?
I GUESS THE BEST WAY

REALLY LIKE?
I GUESS THE BEST WAY
TO DESCRIBE WALTER WOULD BE...

I GUESS THE BEST WAY
TO DESCRIBE WALTER WOULD BE...
THE TRUTH.

TO DESCRIBE WALTER WOULD BE...
THE TRUTH.
WALTER IS THE TRUTH.

THE TRUTH.
WALTER IS THE TRUTH.
HE'S... HE'S NEVER LIED

WALTER IS THE TRUTH.
HE'S... HE'S NEVER LIED
TO ANYONE IN HIS LIFE.

HE'S... HE'S NEVER LIED
TO ANYONE IN HIS LIFE.
HE, UH, WALTER...

TO ANYONE IN HIS LIFE.
HE, UH, WALTER...
PEOPLE ARE DRAWN TO WALTER

HE, UH, WALTER...
PEOPLE ARE DRAWN TO WALTER
AND ESPECIALLY PEOPLE

PEOPLE ARE DRAWN TO WALTER
AND ESPECIALLY PEOPLE
WHO MAKE THE NEWS.

AND ESPECIALLY PEOPLE
WHO MAKE THE NEWS.
WALTER IS THE FIRST PERSON

WHO MAKE THE NEWS.
WALTER IS THE FIRST PERSON
IN THE WORLD TO KNOW ANYTHING.

WALTER IS THE FIRST PERSON
IN THE WORLD TO KNOW ANYTHING.
AND SOMETHING THAT'S KIND OF

IN THE WORLD TO KNOW ANYTHING.
AND SOMETHING THAT'S KIND OF
EXCITING IS THAT HE TELLS ME

AND SOMETHING THAT'S KIND OF
EXCITING IS THAT HE TELLS ME
SECOND... I'M THE SECOND PERSON

EXCITING IS THAT HE TELLS ME
SECOND... I'M THE SECOND PERSON
IN THE WORLD THAT KNOWS

SECOND... I'M THE SECOND PERSON
IN THE WORLD THAT KNOWS
EVERYTHING.

IN THE WORLD THAT KNOWS
EVERYTHING.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, I'M TO MEET

EVERYTHING.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, I'M TO MEET
WALTER IN ABOUT THREE MINUTES

AS A MATTER OF FACT, I'M TO MEET
WALTER IN ABOUT THREE MINUTES
FOR COFFEE.

WALTER IN ABOUT THREE MINUTES
FOR COFFEE.
WE'LL USUALLY HAVE COFFEE

FOR COFFEE.
WE'LL USUALLY HAVE COFFEE
AND DISCUSS...

WE'LL USUALLY HAVE COFFEE
AND DISCUSS...
[CAR ENGINE REVS]

AND DISCUSS...
[CAR ENGINE REVS]
EXCUSE ME.

[CAR ENGINE REVS]
EXCUSE ME.
WALTER!

EXCUSE ME.
WALTER!
AW, DAMN.

I-I JUST MISSED HIM.
HE MUST'VE HAD
SOMETHING TO GO TO.

HE MUST'VE HAD
SOMETHING TO GO TO.
THERE'S PROBABLY A MESSAGE

SOMETHING TO GO TO.
THERE'S PROBABLY A MESSAGE
ON MY SERVICE

THERE'S PROBABLY A MESSAGE
ON MY SERVICE
BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER.

ON MY SERVICE
BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER.
I'M MEETING HIM FOR LUNCH

BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER.
I'M MEETING HIM FOR LUNCH
THIS AFTERNOON.

HE'S USUALLY ON TIME,
ALL THE TIME.
TODAY, HE'S...

ALL THE TIME.
TODAY, HE'S...
I'M NOT GONNA SAY HE'S LATE.

TODAY, HE'S...
I'M NOT GONNA SAY HE'S LATE.
YOU'RE NEVER REALLY LATE

I'M NOT GONNA SAY HE'S LATE.
YOU'RE NEVER REALLY LATE
IN THE NEWS BECAUSE SOMETHING

YOU'RE NEVER REALLY LATE
IN THE NEWS BECAUSE SOMETHING
ALWAYS COMES UP THAT'S MORE

IN THE NEWS BECAUSE SOMETHING
ALWAYS COMES UP THAT'S MORE
IMPORTANT THAN LUNCH.

ALWAYS COMES UP THAT'S MORE
IMPORTANT THAN LUNCH.
THE ONLY OTHER TIME THIS

IMPORTANT THAN LUNCH.
THE ONLY OTHER TIME THIS
HAPPENED WAS WHEN I WAS

THE ONLY OTHER TIME THIS
HAPPENED WAS WHEN I WAS
AN APPRENTICE.

HAPPENED WAS WHEN I WAS
AN APPRENTICE.
IT WAS AT THAT TIME THAT

AN APPRENTICE.
IT WAS AT THAT TIME THAT
WE SET UP A BACKUP PLAN.

IT WAS AT THAT TIME THAT
WE SET UP A BACKUP PLAN.
IN CASE I COULDN'T MEET HIM HERE

WE SET UP A BACKUP PLAN.
IN CASE I COULDN'T MEET HIM HERE
OR HE COULDN'T MEET ME HERE...

IN CASE I COULDN'T MEET HIM HERE
OR HE COULDN'T MEET ME HERE...
THAT I WOULD MEET HIM AT HIS

OR HE COULDN'T MEET ME HERE...
THAT I WOULD MEET HIM AT HIS
HOUSE AND LATER ON IN THE

THAT I WOULD MEET HIM AT HIS
HOUSE AND LATER ON IN THE
AFTERNOON AND WE'D HAVE

HOUSE AND LATER ON IN THE
AFTERNOON AND WE'D HAVE
A LIGHT LUNCH.

AFTERNOON AND WE'D HAVE
A LIGHT LUNCH.
WHICH IS A MUCH BETTER

A LIGHT LUNCH.
WHICH IS A MUCH BETTER
IDEA REALLY WHEN YOU'RE

WHICH IS A MUCH BETTER
IDEA REALLY WHEN YOU'RE
DOING THE NEWS...

IDEA REALLY WHEN YOU'RE
DOING THE NEWS...
HAVING A LIGHT LUNCH BECAUSE YOU

DOING THE NEWS...
HAVING A LIGHT LUNCH BECAUSE YOU
CAN'T REALLY DEAL WITH THE TRUTH

HAVING A LIGHT LUNCH BECAUSE YOU
CAN'T REALLY DEAL WITH THE TRUTH
WHEN YOU'RE EATING RICH FOOD.

YOU PROBABLY THINK THAT
I REALLY DON'T KNOW WALTER.
THAT IT'S A JOKE.

I REALLY DON'T KNOW WALTER.
THAT IT'S A JOKE.
IT'S NOT A JOKE, I KNOW WALTER.

THAT IT'S A JOKE.
IT'S NOT A JOKE, I KNOW WALTER.
UH...

IT'S NOT A JOKE, I KNOW WALTER.
UH...
WALTER'S PIPE.

UH...
WALTER'S PIPE.
HE LEFT IT AT MY OFFICE.

WALTER'S PIPE.
HE LEFT IT AT MY OFFICE.
AND HIS PIPE TOBACCO.

HE LEFT IT AT MY OFFICE.
AND HIS PIPE TOBACCO.
HE SMOKES WILKE NO. 72.

AND HIS PIPE TOBACCO.
HE SMOKES WILKE NO. 72.
IT SMELLS LIKE WALTER.

HE SMOKES WILKE NO. 72.
IT SMELLS LIKE WALTER.
IT SMELLS LIKE THE TRUTH.

IT SMELLS LIKE WALTER.
IT SMELLS LIKE THE TRUTH.
THIS WAS A GIFT.

IT SMELLS LIKE THE TRUTH.
THIS WAS A GIFT.
FROM WALTER.

THIS WAS A GIFT.
FROM WALTER.
AND THAT'S THE WAY IT WAS.

FROM WALTER.
AND THAT'S THE WAY IT WAS.
WALTER.

I'M GONNA CALL HIM.
Woman on phone: CBS.
HI, UH, WALTER CRONKITE,

Woman on phone: CBS.
HI, UH, WALTER CRONKITE,
PLEASE.

HI, UH, WALTER CRONKITE,
PLEASE.
JANE CURTIN CALLING.

PLEASE.
JANE CURTIN CALLING.
Woman: HOLD ON FOR

JANE CURTIN CALLING.
Woman: HOLD ON FOR
MR. CRONKITE PLEASE.

Woman: HOLD ON FOR
MR. CRONKITE PLEASE.
[DIAL TONE]

MR. CRONKITE PLEASE.
[DIAL TONE]
NO, I UNDERSTAND PERFECTLY.

[DIAL TONE]
NO, I UNDERSTAND PERFECTLY.
YEAH, WELL, I'M IN

NO, I UNDERSTAND PERFECTLY.
YEAH, WELL, I'M IN
THE SAME BUSINESS.

YEAH, WELL, I'M IN
THE SAME BUSINESS.
[CHUCKLES]

THE SAME BUSINESS.
[CHUCKLES]
YES, OKAY.

[CHUCKLES]
YES, OKAY.
THANK YOU.

WELL, THAT WAS MY FIRST LOVE.
THAT IS MY FIRST LOVE.
WALTER CRONKITE.

THAT IS MY FIRST LOVE.
WALTER CRONKITE.
[PHONE RINGS]

WALTER CRONKITE.
[PHONE RINGS]
HELLO?

[PHONE RINGS]
HELLO?
Walter: HELLO JANE,

HELLO?
Walter: HELLO JANE,
IT'S WALTER AND

Walter: HELLO JANE,
IT'S WALTER AND
THAT'S THE TRUTH.

IT'S WALTER AND
THAT'S THE TRUTH.
HI WALTER.

THAT'S THE TRUTH.
HI WALTER.
Walter: IT'S BEEN A

HI WALTER.
Walter: IT'S BEEN A
TOUGH DAY.

Walter: IT'S BEEN A
TOUGH DAY.
I KNOW, I KNOW.

TOUGH DAY.
I KNOW, I KNOW.
WE'VE BEEN MISSING

I KNOW, I KNOW.
WE'VE BEEN MISSING
EACH OTHER ALL DAY, I KNOW.

WE'VE BEEN MISSING
EACH OTHER ALL DAY, I KNOW.
Walter: IN 20 MINUTES

EACH OTHER ALL DAY, I KNOW.
Walter: IN 20 MINUTES
AT MY HOUSE.

Walter: IN 20 MINUTES
AT MY HOUSE.
THAT'S THE WAY IT IS.

AT MY HOUSE.
THAT'S THE WAY IT IS.
GREAT!

THAT'S THE WAY IT IS.
GREAT!
SURE.

GREAT!
SURE.
Walter: BYE-BYE, JANE.

SURE.
Walter: BYE-BYE, JANE.
OKAY, I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

Walter: BYE-BYE, JANE.
OKAY, I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
BYE.

OKAY, I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
BYE.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND APPLAUDS]

[KEYS RATTLING]

Man: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Woman: GET OUT!
I CLEAN UP, OKAY?

Woman: GET OUT!
I CLEAN UP, OKAY?
NO!

I CLEAN UP, OKAY?
NO!
WE WANNA SLEEP!

NO!
WE WANNA SLEEP!
GET OUT OF HERE, PLEASE!

WE WANNA SLEEP!
GET OUT OF HERE, PLEASE!
Maid: I CLEAN UP!

Announcer: SOON AFTER THEY
REGISTERED, IT BEGAN.
IT WAS 6:30 IN THE MORNING.

REGISTERED, IT BEGAN.
IT WAS 6:30 IN THE MORNING.
BARBARA AND STEVE KIPNIS

IT WAS 6:30 IN THE MORNING.
BARBARA AND STEVE KIPNIS
WANTED TO SLEEP

BARBARA AND STEVE KIPNIS
WANTED TO SLEEP
BUT THE COMPULSIVE MAID

WANTED TO SLEEP
BUT THE COMPULSIVE MAID
WOULDN'T LET THEM.

BUT THE COMPULSIVE MAID
WOULDN'T LET THEM.
TWO INNOCENT TRAVELERS

WOULDN'T LET THEM.
TWO INNOCENT TRAVELERS
WHO EXPERIENCED...

TWO INNOCENT TRAVELERS
WHO EXPERIENCED...
THE HOLIDAY INN HORROR!

[BARBARA SCREAMS]
Steve: IT'S 6:30 IN THE
MORNING, I WANNA SLEEP!

Steve: IT'S 6:30 IN THE
MORNING, I WANNA SLEEP!
I CLEAN UP, OKAY?

MORNING, I WANNA SLEEP!
I CLEAN UP, OKAY?
GO AWAY, GO AWAY!

I CLEAN UP, OKAY?
GO AWAY, GO AWAY!
PLEASE, PLEASE GO AWAY!

GO AWAY, GO AWAY!
PLEASE, PLEASE GO AWAY!
PLEASE!

PLEASE, PLEASE GO AWAY!
PLEASE!
Announcer: THE HOLIDAY

PLEASE!
Announcer: THE HOLIDAY
INN HORROR.

Announcer: THE HOLIDAY
INN HORROR.
AN EXPERIENCE IN TERROR

INN HORROR.
AN EXPERIENCE IN TERROR
YOU'LL NEVER FORGET.

AN EXPERIENCE IN TERROR
YOU'LL NEVER FORGET.
THE MOTEL HAD EVERYTHING:

YOU'LL NEVER FORGET.
THE MOTEL HAD EVERYTHING:
A HEATED POOL,

THE MOTEL HAD EVERYTHING:
A HEATED POOL,
GIDEON BIBLES,

A HEATED POOL,
GIDEON BIBLES,
FREE ICE,

GIDEON BIBLES,
FREE ICE,
SMALL SOAP...

FREE ICE,
SMALL SOAP...
BUT BARBARA AND STEVE

SMALL SOAP...
BUT BARBARA AND STEVE
DIDN'T CARE.

BUT BARBARA AND STEVE
DIDN'T CARE.
THEY JUST WANTED TO SLEEP.

[PHONE RINGS...]

FRONT DESK.
THE MAID IS CLEANING?
WELL, I'M SORRY, YOU'LL HAVE

THE MAID IS CLEANING?
WELL, I'M SORRY, YOU'LL HAVE
TO SPEAK TO THE MANAGER.

WELL, I'M SORRY, YOU'LL HAVE
TO SPEAK TO THE MANAGER.
[EERIE LAUGHTER]

TO SPEAK TO THE MANAGER.
[EERIE LAUGHTER]
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

[EERIE LAUGHTER]
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
Announcer: SEE IT AND YOU

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
Announcer: SEE IT AND YOU
WON'T BELIEVE THE

Announcer: SEE IT AND YOU
WON'T BELIEVE THE
HOLIDAY INN HORROR.

WON'T BELIEVE THE
HOLIDAY INN HORROR.
NOW AT OVER 1500

HOLIDAY INN HORROR.
NOW AT OVER 1500
LOCATIONS NEAR YOU.

NOW AT OVER 1500
LOCATIONS NEAR YOU.
[APPLAUSE]

EVERY TIME I'VE WATCHED
SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE
I'VE SEEN AND HEARD HOSTS

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE
I'VE SEEN AND HEARD HOSTS
STAND UP HERE AND SAY

I'VE SEEN AND HEARD HOSTS
STAND UP HERE AND SAY
WHAT AN EXTRAORDINARY WEEK

STAND UP HERE AND SAY
WHAT AN EXTRAORDINARY WEEK
IT'S BEEN.

WHAT AN EXTRAORDINARY WEEK
IT'S BEEN.
EXTRAORDINARY IS REALLY

IT'S BEEN.
EXTRAORDINARY IS REALLY
AND UNDERSTATEMENT.

EXTRAORDINARY IS REALLY
AND UNDERSTATEMENT.
THIS HAS BEEN... JUICY...

AND UNDERSTATEMENT.
THIS HAS BEEN... JUICY...
I GOTTA THANK ALL THE PEOPLE

THIS HAS BEEN... JUICY...
I GOTTA THANK ALL THE PEOPLE
AT WKRP FOR MAKING IT

I GOTTA THANK ALL THE PEOPLE
AT WKRP FOR MAKING IT
EASY FOR ME TO BE HERE.

AT WKRP FOR MAKING IT
EASY FOR ME TO BE HERE.
I CERTAINLY HAVE TO THANK

EASY FOR ME TO BE HERE.
I CERTAINLY HAVE TO THANK
THE CAST AND THE STAFF

I CERTAINLY HAVE TO THANK
THE CAST AND THE STAFF
AND THE CREW OF THIS SHOW

THE CAST AND THE STAFF
AND THE CREW OF THIS SHOW
FOR REALLY PUTTING THEMSELVES

AND THE CREW OF THIS SHOW
FOR REALLY PUTTING THEMSELVES
INTO IT ALL THE TIME, IT'S...

FOR REALLY PUTTING THEMSELVES
INTO IT ALL THE TIME, IT'S...
IT'S SENSATIONAL.

INTO IT ALL THE TIME, IT'S...
IT'S SENSATIONAL.
LIKE TO THANK RANDY NEWMAN

IT'S SENSATIONAL.
LIKE TO THANK RANDY NEWMAN
FOR BEING HERE.

LIKE TO THANK RANDY NEWMAN
FOR BEING HERE.
I'D ALSO LIKE TO THANK

FOR BEING HERE.
I'D ALSO LIKE TO THANK
RADIO FOR MAKING

I'D ALSO LIKE TO THANK
RADIO FOR MAKING
TELEVISION POSSIBLE.

RADIO FOR MAKING
TELEVISION POSSIBLE.
AND I'D LIKE TO THANK

TELEVISION POSSIBLE.
AND I'D LIKE TO THANK
EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU

AND I'D LIKE TO THANK
EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU
FOR MAKING YOURSELVES

EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU
FOR MAKING YOURSELVES
POSSIBLE THIS EVENING.

FOR MAKING YOURSELVES
POSSIBLE THIS EVENING.
THANK YOU, GOODNIGHT.

POSSIBLE THIS EVENING.
THANK YOU, GOODNIGHT.
[APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU, GOODNIGHT.
[APPLAUSE]
[♪...]

Announcer: NEXT SATURDAY
NIGHT OUR HOST WILL BE
MARTIN SHEEN WITH MUSICAL

NIGHT OUR HOST WILL BE
MARTIN SHEEN WITH MUSICAL
GUEST DAVID BOWIE!

MARTIN SHEEN WITH MUSICAL
GUEST DAVID BOWIE!
AND WATCH THE BEST OF

GUEST DAVID BOWIE!
AND WATCH THE BEST OF
SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE

AND WATCH THE BEST OF
SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE
ON WEDNESDAY AT 10/9

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE
ON WEDNESDAY AT 10/9
MOUNTAIN AND CENTRAL.

ON WEDNESDAY AT 10/9
MOUNTAIN AND CENTRAL.
THIS IS THE MULTILINGUAL

MOUNTAIN AND CENTRAL.
THIS IS THE MULTILINGUAL
DON PARDO SAYING...

THIS IS THE MULTILINGUAL
DON PARDO SAYING...
IN ENGLISH...

DON PARDO SAYING...
IN ENGLISH...
GOODNIGHT.

IN ENGLISH...
GOODNIGHT.
[♪...]