Saturday Night Live (1975–…): Season 40, Episode 4 - Jim Carrey/Iggy Azalea - full transcript

RUSTLING

SHE PANTS

I'm lost. Please, can you help me?

It's that way.

~ Are those trees?
~ I need the Doctor.

Are you the Doctor?

Yes. Do you have an appointment?

You need an appointment
to see the Doctor.

Please. Something's chasing me.

SHE GASPS IN WONDER

When you drink a glass of Coke,
it's only this big,



but it's actually got this much
sugar in it.

~ It works a bit like that.
~ What does?

The TARDIS. It's bigger
on the inside than the outside.

Or did you not notice?

I just thought it was supposed to be
bigger on the inside,

so I didn't say anything.

Well, of course it's supposed
to be bigger.

Most people are confused by that.

I find everything confusing, nearly.
So, I don't say anything.

That's how come I'm in the woods.

I thought Miss Oswald told me to
find the Doctor, but it wasn't her.

It was just in my head.

Miss Oswald? Dark hair?

Highly unpredictable?
Surprisingly round face?



Everyone says she's in love
with Mr Pink.

The PE teacher?

Maths. I really like him.
I was in his group.

Mr Pink was looking after you?
That explains why you're lost.

It doesn't surprise you that
I know all about your school?

Everyone seems to know everything
about everything, apart from me.

That's not quite true.
I, for instance, have no idea why,

when the terrestrial
navigation...

the terrestrial navigation
starts up, it closes down all
the other systems.

You should ask somebody who knows.

Another of the drawbacks of being
the last of your species.

No-one to ask when your TARDIS
won't start.

METALLIC THRUMMING

NAVIGATION SYSTEM: 'You have reached
your destination.'

No, we haven't. We're supposed
to be in the middle of London.

~ 'You have reached your destination.'
~ Oh, stop saying that!

She's only saying it
because it's true.

We ARE in the middle of London.

We're in the middle of a forest.

Come and see.

Nelson's Column. Do you like it?

Do I... Sorry, what?

Do you like the forest
being in Trafalgar Square?

I think it's lovely.

Bradley! Sir! Tell him, sir!
He's blinding me.

Give me that, Bradley.

I'm allowed a torch, sir.
I've got a note.

I'm darkness phobic.

Just because he's scared of the dark,
sir, is he allowed to blind me?

You're allowed a torch, Bradley,
not a pocket supernova.

OK, listen up. A few things to run
through before we head home.

Put your phone away,
Bradley. Thank you.

First, collect any rubbish you may
have generated through midnight
feasts or whatever...

Hello?

Hello?

Look at this.
Why is this one so fat, miss?

Because it was alive so long.

This ring, though.

All the other rings are thin,
but this one's fat and red, see?

Must have been a good year
to be a tree.

I should have been
relieved, you know.

Oh, Coal Hill School. Sleepover.

Sh, sh!

KEYPAD BEEPS

ELECTRONIC LOCK BEEPS

Hang on. There's a knack to this.

No, no, no. It moved. It moved.

It's jammed, not locked.
Come on, team.

What team?

Wow!

~ Sir, where are we?
~ What do you mean, where are we?

We can't have been asleep
for that long, can we?

'Well, you've heard
of leaves on the line.

'This is going to be slightly
harder to clear...'

'In three hours' time, the Ghana
Black Stars are due to play

'Sierra Leone in the African Cup
of Nations...'

'Est-ce que c'est bien
le Bois de Boulogne?

'Non, c'est le centre-ville...'

'It does not look
like the pitch will be ready.'

You're always showing me
amazing things.

Well, I, Doctor, have finally got
something amazing to show you.

There are some things
I've never seen,

but that's usually because
I've chosen not to see them.

Even my incredibly long life is
too short for Les Miserables.

Oh, Doctor.
You're going to love this.

'When you come to collect
this child, you can tell me then.'

Huh? What child?

Young female human.
Standard defenceless little girl.

Your friend, Mr Pink, was supposed
to be looking after her.

She probably has a name.

Good point.

You. Have you got a name at all?

Maebh. My name's Maebh.

What? Maebh? Where are you?

Trafalgar Square.

I found her wandering
around the brand-new forest.

Brand-new forest?

Like the New Forest.
Except even newer.

Is that the forest
covering London?

'Was that the amazing thing
you wanted to show me?'

It is amazing, but I saw it first.

Look, is she all right?
Will you bring her over?

No, I can't bring her over.
I'm a Time Lord, not a childminder.

You've got a spaceship.
All we've got are Oyster cards.

And I've got a global rapid
afforestation crisis to deal with.

~ What did they say? ~ Who?

School. Parents.
You were just on the phone.

Oh, yeah. Rang school and parents.

Yes, of course.
Thought that was the priority.

And?

And I couldn't get through.
Left messages. I'll try again.

You didn't call the school.
You called HIM.

No, he called me, actually.
I can't stop him calling me, can I?

I thought you weren't in contact.

London has just been taken over
by a gigantic forest.

Who do you want to talk to,
Monty Don?

I want to do my job, which is
looking after these kids.

~ Oh, really? How many kids? ~ What?
~ Where's Maebh Arden?

She's with the Doctor.

What? No, no, no. Maebh is a
vulnerable kid. She's on medication.

She's had an emotional trauma.
He... Has he even been CRB checked?

He didn't abduct her. She was lost.
He found her.

I thought you said
they were in love.

Why are they shouting at each other?

That's what people do when they're
in love. Don't you know anything?

Where are we actually going?
Where is he taking us?

Who wants to be a navigator?

SEVERAL KIDS: Me, me, me!

Good lad. Let's do this.

What's an avigator?

Follow the lamp posts, that will
keep us on Cromwell Road.

We'll be able to orientate
ourselves.

I thought we were getting a coach.
Where's the coach?

Well, Ruby, it seems
there are a lot of trees in the way.

Why can't we just wait here
until they've gone?

Trees don't just disappear, Ruby.

They just came.
Why wouldn't they just go?

The question is,
how did they get here?

Can a forest grow overnight?

Or have we been asleep for years,
like Sleeping Beauty?

No, the question is, how are we
going to get these kids home?

Oh, absolutely. Yeah.
That's the big question.

OK, team.
It's crucial we stick together.

If you start to fall behind - don't.

Bradley, we are going to head
north-east first to collect

Maebh from Trafalgar Square,
then we'll go south to the river.

Come on, keep up!

MURMURS OF PROTEST

You are enjoying this
a little bit too much.

Come on, are you not even
a little bit curious about how?

Who? Why? When?

I am curious. I am bewildered.

I am, in fact, enchanted. But I'm
not the priority. The kids are.

See, now, that attitude is...

actually very attractive.

The Government emergency committee,
COBRA,

has formulated an action plan.

We will create pathways
through the trees,

using carefully controlled fires.

This will facilitate
the movement of essential services.

'We are therefore asking you
to stay in your homes.

'Fill your baths, sinks, and any
buckets with fresh water...'

Why would there be no reading?

Because they are actually
made of wood. No circuits.

No mechanism. Wood.

What's this for?

This is a sonic screwdriver.

It interacts with any form of
communication you care to mention.

Sadly, trees have no moving parts
and don't communicate.

They communicate a bit, though.

What?

Otherwise they wouldn't all grow
at the same time.

So, what, you think that's how
spring begins?

With a group message
on Tree Facebook?

You think they send texts
to each other?

You don't need a phone
to communicate, do you?

I haven't phoned home, and I know
my mum is worried about me.

You said YOU'D collect Maebh.

It's all right, I'm collecting her.
Soon as I find my car keys.

I can't see a thing.

Next door have planted bloody
Hydrangeas and they've gone mental!

I've had words with her about it
before. She's...

Oh.

I'll call you back.

Miss, in the museum, right,
I was reading about reproduction...

Oh, Ruby, this really isn't
the right moment...

And that said trees have blossom

and then, that turns into fruit
or seeds or nuts. Right?

~ Right, Ruby. ~ These trees
have got blossom AND nuts.

Oh, yeah. That is strange.

Nuts. That's unfortunate for you,
isn't it, Bradley?

You have an allergy, don't you?

What if one of them
falls on your head?

~ Do you die, or swell up like
a massive melon? ~ Shut it!

I think we should have been
consulted.

What's it in aid of, even?

How far does this go?
I need to collect Maebh.

Trafalgar Square!
Well done, Bradley.
Excellent navigation skills.

Ah-ha - there it is. All sorted now.
Come on.

Can we take a picture with
the lion, sir? Please?

Er, stay together. But OK.

I cannot believe
Bradley just said please.

~ Really? ~ Yeah, he usually prefers
other means of persuasion.

Give it! Give it!

Miss! He won't lend me
his dictionary.

You could try
saying please, Bradley.

~ Aagh!
~ LOUD CRASH

And Ruby...

How do we find X?

Ruby?

It's there, sir. At the top.

No, how do we find...

It's not lost. It's there,
at the top, look!

No, how do we find the VALUE of X?

Why are you asking me all the
questions? Give someone else a go.

You bring out the best in them.

RUMBLING

Look, sir. No rings.

Trees usually have rings,
to tell you how old they are.

This one's got no rings.

Why's that then, sir?

The rings mark the years of growth.
One ring for each year.

This grew up overnight.

That whole tree is the result
of just one night's growth.

And they're still growing.

Everyone, this is the Doctor and
he's going to sort everything out.

Isn't that right, Doctor?
It's what he does.

Well, having looked at things,

I think, probably, the answer
to that is no.

~ He always says that. He's really
clever. ~ Oh, yes, I am very clever.

But what use is clever against
trees? They don't listen to reason.

You can't plead with them.
You can't lie to them.

They have no moving parts,
no circuits.

This is a natural event.

How can it be natural for a tree
to grow in one night?

Exactly what
they said about the Ice Age.

How can whole glaciers just
pop up out of nowhere?

Well, they just did.

That's how this planet grows -
a series of catastrophes.

Farewell to the Ice Age.

Welcome to the Tree Age. Possibly.

When the Ice Age was here,
you lot managed to cook mammoth.

Now there's a forest,
you'll just have to eat nuts.

I can't eat nuts.
I've got an allergy.

Don't worry. It's a thing he does.

He pretends he's not interested
and then he has an idea.

He's playing for time.

Time!

Interesting.

See? Clever kicking in.

A tree is a time machine.

Plant a little acorn in 1795,

and in 2016, there's an oak tree,
there, in the same spot

with a tiny little bit of 1795
still alive inside of it.

You can't create an overnight forest
with extra special fertiliser.

You have to mess with
the fabric of time.

And communicate...

with trees.

So, you're saying
it's an act of aggression?

By trees?

Er, trees clean the air.

Exactly. Well done, Ruby.

Someone or something who's trying
to scrub the atmosphere

before colonising or invading...

Ah, yes, Doctor...
SHE CLEARS HER THROAT

.. this is Coal Hill Year Eight
Gifted and Talented Group.

What are the round bits for?

Ask your teacher. Come on!
Down from there!

Away from the console, that's an
antique. Get away! Don't touch that!

Aren't any of you struck
by the fact that,
look, it's bigger on the inside?

There wasn't a forest.
Then there was a forest.

Nothing surprises us any more.

These trees all appeared at once.
That wasn't a coincidence.

There's no such thing as
an arboreal coincidence.

Something, someone
has co-ordinated this.

To co-ordinate,
you need to communicate.

Every communication channel
on the TARDIS is open, and...

nothing.

Except...

Let me see that.

Homework books. Why are these here?

Maebh Arden.

Maebh Arden.
Which one is Maebh Arden?

Which one is Maebh?

Maebh? Maebh? Maebh? Maebh?

Maebh? Maebh? Maebh? Maebh?

Oh, my God! Maebh's gone.
Maebh's lost in the forest.

Maebh's going to die!

Ruby, that's enough! Doctor?

We've got to find her!

I know we have to find her.

Doctor, listen to me.

Her sister went missing last year.

She's on medication.
The child is barely functioning.
She hears voices.

~ She's very vulnerable.
~ What do the voices say?

Don't know.
She takes tablets and they stop.

You people, you never learn. If a
child is speaking, listen to it!

Oh, like you listened to her?

He's right. She was trying to tell
me something and I ignored her.

Maebh Arden is tuned
to a different channel.

She can lead us to the source,
to the heart of the forest.

We have to listen to her,
we have to find her.

Not everything can be fixed
with a screwdriver.
It's not a magic wand.

~ Does she have a phone?
~ Well, yes, she does.

~ Have you got the number?
~ Um, yes.

Maebh Arden...
500 yards south-east of here.

~ I'll go get her. ~ I'll go with him.
~ I can go. You can...

You haven't seen him for months?

Something like that.

You didn't even say hello.
You just sprung into action.

Special unit.

~ This is so cool... ~ Hey!
Do not. Touch. Anything.

~ Anything. H-h-okay? ~ OK.

See? Someone needs to go.
Child protection.

Gifted and talented? Really?

Furious, fearful, tongue-tied...

They're all superpowers
if you use them properly.

Are they going to be all right?

They're in the TARDIS.
Safest place on the planet.

RUMBLING AND CRASHING

~ If this is an invasion, it's over.

It's over. They're here.
They've won.

What do they want?

THEY COUGH

I'm not just going to stand here
and let her die!

~ Who? ~ Miss. You let her go off
with some randomer into the forest.

You're supposed to be
madly in love with her.

I'm... Who said that?

Everyone.

She's probably dead now anyway.
Crushed by Nelson.

What if the trees collapse on her
and kill her?

You're worrying too much.

Yeah, but what if the wild animals
come out and eat her?

Ruby, you're letting your
imagination run away with you.

I'm not, though, am I?

Because I haven't got
an imagination.

You can ask Miss Oswald.

OK, then, come on, team.
Let's do this.

We will...
if you stop calling us a team.

Maebh!

Doctor? Look behind us.
The path we just walked down -

it's overgrown already.

Clara!

Why would she put her phone down?

Doesn't want to be followed?

Lost hold of it in a struggle?

Left it as a clue,
so we'd know where she was going?

Trail of breadcrumbs.
Hansel and Gretel.

I'm actually frightened.
I never get frightened.
Why am I frightened?

~ You just lost a little girl.
~ Yes. That's a worry. But I know
you'll find her. No, no, no.

This isn't a worry,
this is... a dread. Maebh!

You're pursuing a little lost girl
through a mysterious forest.
The path has disappeared.

You find yourself with a strangely
compelling, masculine figure...

Maebh!

Any minute now, we're going to find
a gingerbread cottage with
a cannibal witch inside. Maebh!

Exactly. The forest.

It's in all the stories
that kept you awake at night.

The forest is mankind's nightmare.

SHE PANTS

Clara!

Is it hers?

Yes. Clever girl.

Get back! We're burning here.
Stay back.

~ We're looking for a little girl.
~ Stay back. We're about to burn.

Good job!

What's going on?

Trees aren't responding
to flame-thrower.

I mean, they don't catch fire.
They just don't catch. It's like
they're flame proof or something.

Trees control
the oxygen on this planet.

They withhold it,
they smother the fire.

What sort of forest is clever?
What sort of forest has its own
in-built fire extinguisher?

~ What do they want? ~ Why now?
~ What do you mean, why now?

The whole natural order is turning
against this planet. Why? Why now?

Well, what else?

How did she know this?

What is it?

This is a massive solar flare
headed for Earth.

Like the one that destroyed
the Bank of Karabraxos.

I've got an entire TARDIS
and I didn't notice this.
But she knew. How?

This is Maebh's.
Where did you get this?

You left your marking in the TARDIS.

Oh, great, right, well, that's just
brilliant(!)

You don't think Danny saw this,
do you?

I've just informed you that
a solar flare is going
to wipe out your planet.

You're worried about a row
with your boyfriend.

How did she know this?
She even put the date on it!

~ I always make them date
their homework. ~ It's TODAY'S date.

Well, there must be...

a way?

They want something.

They're saying something.

If there is a way,
the way is Maebh Arden.

OK, you know they're not really
gifted and talented, don't you?

I just tell them that
to make them feel good.

She's lost someone. People who've
lost someone are always listening,

always looking, always hoping.

So, they notice more.
They hear more.

HOWLING

Was that a howl?

MORE HOWLING
Was that a wolf?!

No. That is impossible.
We're in London.

Would that be
the London with the zoo?

The zoo with the pack of wolves?

The zoo whose barriers

and gates have probably been
mangled by the trees?

No, wolves are not impossible.

Stick to the path, Red Riding Hood.

There is no path.

MORE HOWLING

Then we're lunch.

SHE PANTS

LOW, SOFT GROWLING

GROWLING GETS LOUDER

WOLF SNARLS

SHE SCREAMS

Maebh!

WOLVES SNARL, MAEBH PANTS

WOLVES BARK

Maebh! Doctor, give me a boost
so I can pull her over.

Maebh?

Maebh!

Maebh. You came looking for me.

You didn't... Maebh, Maebh, you
didn't just stumble into the TARDIS.

~ Tell me what you know. ~ Doctor...
~ This is important. ~ Yes. Can we
please deal with the wolves first?

These are zoo wolves,
they're not even used to hunting.

Doctor!
WOLVES SNARL

Right, OK, we've got to look as if
we're too much bother to eat.

So, stay still. Stay together.

Look big. Look big.

Like a big... three-headed,
six-legged... scary thing!

WOLVES WHINE

Ha-ha! Told you they were rubbish.

Those wolves are terrified.

What are wolves frightened of?

DEEP, THROATY GROWL

TIGER ROARS

There are very good, solid,
scientific reasons

for being really
quite frightened just now.

TIGER ROARS AND SNARLS

DANNY AND KIDS CHEER

Mr Pink!
Why, thank you very much.

No problem. Decided it was best

not to leave you alone...
with him.

They've worked well together.

Noticeable increase in confidence
and energy levels.

Well done -
and for saving us from a tiger, too.

Um, has she had her medication yet?

~ Oh. No, I...
~ No, not the medication.

We don't want to shut her up.
We want to know what she knows.

Maebh, what's...
Maebh, what is this?

Apart from being almost savaged by
a tiger and abducted by a Scotsman,

she's allowed any
nervous tics she likes, OK?

~ This is not a nervous tic.
This is react... ~ Please!

Just give her her tablets!

She's been in a state
since her sister went missing.

Maebh! Maebh! Maebh!

You won't find your sister
out there.

Miss? What is it, miss?

It's coming. It's coming for
everyone, and I can't unthink it.

Maebh. Maebh, this forest
is communicating.

With you. Nobody else.

No technology can hear what
it's saying. But you can.

Tell us what it wants.

Where it came from.
Just tell me who did this.

It was me.

I did this. I did these trees.

No, Maebh. You didn't make
a global forest appear overnight.

How could you do that?

Thoughts come to me.

Ever since Annabel went missing.

I look for her everywhere.

I don't find her,
but I find thoughts.

The big forest was one.

I thought everyone would love it.

The thoughts! The thoughts!

They go so fast.

This is stressing me now.

When I get stressed,
I forget my anger management.

Maebh, can you see
something that we can't see?

Nearly... Too fast... Everywhere...

Everything is subject to gravity.

If I can create a little
local increase...

No. You're not experimenting on...

SHE GASPS IN WONDER

They're lovely!

They don't like it
when you're holding them.

They want you to let them go.

Who are they?

~ VOICES SPEAKING IN UNISON WITH MAEBH:
~ 'We are Here. Here, always,

'since the beginning
and until the end.'

"Here"? That's it?

'We are the green shoots
that grow between the cracks,

'the grass that grows over
the mass graves.

'After your wars are over,
we will still be Here.

'We are the life that prevails.'

Why now? Why are you here now?

'We hear the call and we come.

'As we came before to
the great North Forest,

'where we lie still
in a great circle.

'As we came to the vast
Southern Forest.'

Who is calling you now?

'The sun that creates.
The sun that destroys.

'You are hurting us. Let us go.'

You sent for me.
The girl came looking for me.

Why? Why me?

'We did not... send...

'Pain... Did not send for you.

'We don't know you.

'We were Here before you
and we will be Here after you.'

That was actually quite cool.

MAEBH GIVES A SMALL CRY

Maebh, you came looking
for the Doctor. Think. Who sent you?

It was a thought.
It was just a thought that came.

I think it came from Miss.

They've gone!

Why does everything have to go?

This really is going to happen,
isn't it?

Stars implode. Planets grow cold.

Catastrophe is
the metabolism of the universe.

I can fight monsters.
I can't fight physics.

Why would trees want to kill us?
We love trees.

You've been chopping them down
for furniture for centuries.

If that's love, no wonder
they're calling down
fire from the heavens.

But we saw the future.

Lots of futures.

Earth's futures!

They're about to be erased.

If you can't save them all,
save what you can.

The TARDIS.

It's a lifeboat, isn't it?

Not everybody has to die.

RUMBLING

♪ Everywhere we go-o-o!

♪ Everywhere we go-o-o!

♪ People wanna kno-o-ow!

♪ People wanna kno-o-ow!

♪ Who we a-a-re

♪ Who we a-a-re

♪ We are the Coal Hill
Gifted and Talented

♪ We are the Coal Hill
Gifted and Talented... ♪

Come on, team.

When they're done,
you need to get in your box and go.

We're ALL going -
we're taking the kids.

Taking them where?

What are you going do with them?
Leave them on an asteroid?

Find a space academy for
the gifted and talented?

They just want their mums and dads,
and they'll never stop wanting them.

I can save you and Danny.

Danny will never leave those kids,
so long as he is breathing.

~ KIDS CHEER
~ Come on, team.

~ Can we take another selfie, sir?
~ Course. Come on, then.

I can save you.

I don't want you to.

What, you don't want to live?

Of course I want to live. I just...

What?

Don't make me say it.

Say what?

I don't want to be
the last of my kind.

Then why did you bring us all here?

Because it's the only way to get you
back to the TARDIS -

make you think you were
saving someone.

Well, you know what, Doctor?

This time, the human race
is saving you.

Make it worthwhile.

This is my world, too.

I walk your earth,
I breathe your air.

And on behalf of this world,
you're very welcome.

Now, go.

Save the next one.

Maebh!

I'm sorry that I couldn't help you.

You helped me loads!
I thought it was all my fault.

I feel much better now.

Are you going
to get rid of the forest?

Hard to get rid of a flame proof
forest, Maebh, eh? Come on.

"Government crews have been deployed
with the latest de-fo... defoo..."

Defoliant agents, Samson.

Used to take all the leaves off the
trees, so they're easier to burn.

That's harsh.

METALLIC THRUMMING

Where's he going?

Home.

He's going home.

Which is exactly where we're going.

Flame proof forest...

Flame... proof... forest!

A thousand atom bombs
and no-one hurt...

I am Doctor Idiot!

Clara! Come back here! Come back!

He's calling you.

Yes, let him call.
This is more important.

Clara! Mr Pink! Maebh!

All of you! Quick! Quick!
Come back, come back. Come on.

Maebh, quick, girl, quick! Come on.

It's there on the screen, look.
Big solar flare. Headed this way.

A thousand kilometres a second.
Coronal mass ejection.

Geomagnetic storm. It's huge.

It's brewing up a solar wind

big enough to blow
this whole planet away.

I assumed your teachers
have mentioned this.

I thought it would spoil
an otherwise enjoyable walk.

OK. OK.

Well, this is the bad news.

The good news is,
it's happened before.

And you're still here!

The Tunguska Blast, 1908 -

that should have blown
the whole planet off its axis.

But it didn't.
It knocked a few trees over.

Well, a few tens of thousands
of trees over.

Curuca in Brazil. Same story.

Earth should have been smashed,
but it wasn't.

What do these things have in common?

They're really, really scaring us?

Trees!

Whenever there's
a planet-threatening,

extra-terrestrial impact - trees!

Massive forest,
filling the atmosphere with oxygen.

Pumping it up like a massive,
highly inflammable airbag,

so that when trouble hits...

Everyone dies.

No. The impact burns off
the excess oxygen.

You have some fairly hectic weather
for a few days

and some fairly
trippy looking sunsets,

but apart from that,
you'll be all right.

I was wrong. The trees are not
your enemy. They're your shield.

They've been saving you
since for ever.

Protecting you from everything
that space can throw at you.

The wide ring.

The red ring.

In the museum, Ruby saw
a cross-section of a tree.

One of the rings was wider than
the others, and red.

Atmospheric dust,
captured by the trees.

The fingerprint of an asteroid.

Happy Red Ring Day.

I don't get it.

If they're good, then why are we
chopping them down?

The Government are sending out
defoliating teams.

They're dropping chemicals on them
right now.

What is it with you people?!

You hear voices,
you want to shut them up.

The trees come to save you,
you want to chop them down.

Or you think you need to save
the world when it's already
saving itself.

I did admit that I was wrong.

Excellent.
Mobile networks are still operative.

Right, we are going to call
everyone on Earth

and tell them to leave
the trees alone.

Can I do it?

I started it. I should finish it.

OK. OK.

Class project - save the Earth.

KIDS CONFERRING

OK. And I think that's it.

MANY MOBILE PHONES RINGING

RINGING ECHOES AROUND THE WORLD

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

MAEBH: 'Essential services
have been disrupted

~ 'due to an unexpected forest.'
~ Maebh! Where are you?!

We'd like to reassure you that

the situation will be
rectified very soon.

Please don't be scared.

And please don't chop,
spray or harm the trees.

They're here to help.
Be less scared. Be more trusting.

Oh, and Annabel Arden,

please come home.

OK, who would like to witness

a once-in-a-billion years
solar event at close quarters?

Mum! There's my mum!

I thought I'd lost you too.

Never. Not ever.

So, trip to space, anyone?

I want my mum.

I slightly want my mum, too.

Tell them, Mr Pink,
what an educational opportunity...

You go. This...
This is enough for me.

What?!

Coronal ejections,
geomagnetic storms.

How often do you get
a playlist like that?

I was a soldier.
I put myself at risk.

I didn't try too hard to survive,
but somehow, here I am.

And now, I can see what
I nearly lost. And it's enough.

I don't want to see more things.

I want to see the things
in front of me more clearly.

There are wonders here,
Clara Oswald.

Bradley saying please,
that's a wonder.

One person is more amazing...

harder to understand,
but more amazing than universes.

Really? What person is that, then?

KIDS CHEER

I told you! I said so, didn't I?

We could have a picnic.

You can't. You've got marking.

Oh.

Well, no, no, no.
That was, um, from ages ago.

What happened was...

They always write the date
neatly at the top of the page.

Yeah, they do, don't they?

Last Friday.

You were on the TARDIS last Friday.

Today, you thought the world
was going to end.

~ You still didn't tell me the truth.
~ I tried. He interrupted.

I just want to know the truth.
I don't care what it is.

I just want to know it.

Like Maebh said. Like the forest.

Fear a little bit less,
trust a bit more.

OK.

Well...

No, not now.

Go home.
Do your marking. Think about it.

Then tell me.

I saved you from a tiger today.
I deserve at least that.

Yes, you did.

And yes, you do.

I hope I'm right.

It would be slightly awkward

if the world was destroyed
at this point.

What?!

FLAMES RUMBLE

There goes the planet-sized airbag.

That's the trees,
harvesting the solar fire.

Now, that WAS surprising.

And I love surprises.

CHIRPING, FLUTTERING SOUNDS

That is amazing.

How will they explain this tomorrow?

You'll all forget it ever happened.

We are not going to forget
an overnight forest.

You forgot the last time.

You remembered the fear
and you put it into fairy stories.

It's a human superpower, forgetting.

If you remembered how things felt,
you'd have stopped having wars.

And stopped having babies.

Annabel!

My Annabel!

I knew you'd be here.

The thought of you came to me.

Clara?

Do I have your attention?

You will never step inside
your TARDIS again.

Clara, what are you doing?

Time can be rewritten.

Oh, Clara, my Clara,
I don't think you will!

You know who I am.

I'm not Clara Oswald.
Clara Oswald has never existed.