Saturday Night Live (1975–…): Season 4, Episode 4 - Steve Martin/Van Morrison - full transcript
The host for the episode is Steve Martin (his sixth appearance), and the musical guest is Van Morrison. The skits for this episode are as follows: Desperate after his austerity measures have failed to halt inflation, President Carter attempts to encourage Americans to welcome inflation as a wonderful new opportunity to be a millionaire. Despite Elvis' death, his coat continues to perform the King's classic hits to packed audiences. Theodoric of York treats his patients with bleeding and other crude remedies. The Festrunk brothers continue trying to pick up swinging American girls. Todd DiLaMuca visits Lisa Loopner in the hospital, but a jealous fight breaks out when rival nerd Charles Knerlman shows up with Lisa's homework. Jane Curtain interviews the author of the book "Mauled", who talks of his experiences being savagely attacked by bears. Steve Martin apologizes to the audience when the final skit has to be cut short because of time restrictions. Van Morrison performs "Wavelength" and "Kingdom Hall".
Announcer: AND NOW A SPECIAL
MESSAGE FROM THE PRESIDENT OF
THE UNITED STATES.
MESSAGE FROM THE PRESIDENT OF
THE UNITED STATES.
GOOD EVENING.
THE UNITED STATES.
GOOD EVENING.
ON TUESDAY, WE AMERICANS WILL
GOOD EVENING.
ON TUESDAY, WE AMERICANS WILL
HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO EXERCISE
ON TUESDAY, WE AMERICANS WILL
HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO EXERCISE
OUR ROLE AS CITIZENS IN A FREE
HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO EXERCISE
OUR ROLE AS CITIZENS IN A FREE
DEMOCRACY.
OUR ROLE AS CITIZENS IN A FREE
DEMOCRACY.
YET ONLY 1/3 OF THE ELIGIBLE
DEMOCRACY.
YET ONLY 1/3 OF THE ELIGIBLE
VOTERS WILL ACTUALLY CAST
YET ONLY 1/3 OF THE ELIGIBLE
VOTERS WILL ACTUALLY CAST
BALLOTS.
VOTERS WILL ACTUALLY CAST
BALLOTS.
THE OTHER 2/3 ARE, IN A SENSE,
BALLOTS.
THE OTHER 2/3 ARE, IN A SENSE,
VERY LUCKY...
THE OTHER 2/3 ARE, IN A SENSE,
VERY LUCKY...
BECAUSE THEY DO NOT KNOW WHAT'S
VERY LUCKY...
BECAUSE THEY DO NOT KNOW WHAT'S
GOING ON.
BECAUSE THEY DO NOT KNOW WHAT'S
GOING ON.
LAST WEEK, I DELIVERED A MESSAGE
GOING ON.
LAST WEEK, I DELIVERED A MESSAGE
ON INFLATION.
LAST WEEK, I DELIVERED A MESSAGE
ON INFLATION.
SINCE THEN, THE DOLLAR HAS
ON INFLATION.
SINCE THEN, THE DOLLAR HAS
DROPPED IN VALUE, THE
SINCE THEN, THE DOLLAR HAS
DROPPED IN VALUE, THE
STOCK MARKET SUSTAINED RECORD
DROPPED IN VALUE, THE
STOCK MARKET SUSTAINED RECORD
LOSSES, AND THE WHOLESALE PRICE
STOCK MARKET SUSTAINED RECORD
LOSSES, AND THE WHOLESALE PRICE
INDEX INCREASED .9%.
LOSSES, AND THE WHOLESALE PRICE
INDEX INCREASED .9%.
IN OTHER WORDS, OUR ECONOMIC
INDEX INCREASED .9%.
IN OTHER WORDS, OUR ECONOMIC
SYSTEM IS SCREWED, BLUED, AND
IN OTHER WORDS, OUR ECONOMIC
SYSTEM IS SCREWED, BLUED, AND
TATTOOED.
WE JUST HAVE TO FACE THE FACT
THAT THERE'S SIMPLY NO WAY
TO FIGHT INFLATION IN THE
THAT THERE'S SIMPLY NO WAY
TO FIGHT INFLATION IN THE
CAPITAL-INTENSIVE,
TO FIGHT INFLATION IN THE
CAPITAL-INTENSIVE,
HIGHLY TECHNOLOGICAL,
CAPITAL-INTENSIVE,
HIGHLY TECHNOLOGICAL,
WAR-TORN, CONFLICT-RIDDLED,
HIGHLY TECHNOLOGICAL,
WAR-TORN, CONFLICT-RIDDLED,
ANYTHING-FOR-A-THRILL WORLD OF
WAR-TORN, CONFLICT-RIDDLED,
ANYTHING-FOR-A-THRILL WORLD OF
TODAY.
ANYTHING-FOR-A-THRILL WORLD OF
TODAY.
THAT'S WHY, TONIGHT, I WANT YOU
TODAY.
THAT'S WHY, TONIGHT, I WANT YOU
TO TRY TO LOOK AT INFLATION IN
THAT'S WHY, TONIGHT, I WANT YOU
TO TRY TO LOOK AT INFLATION IN
AN ENTIRELY NEW WAY.
TO TRY TO LOOK AT INFLATION IN
AN ENTIRELY NEW WAY.
INFLATION IS OUR FRIEND.
AN ENTIRELY NEW WAY.
INFLATION IS OUR FRIEND.
FOR EXAMPLE, CONSIDER THIS...
INFLATION IS OUR FRIEND.
FOR EXAMPLE, CONSIDER THIS...
IN THE YEAR 2000, IF CURRENT
FOR EXAMPLE, CONSIDER THIS...
IN THE YEAR 2000, IF CURRENT
TRENDS CONTINUE, THE AVERAGE
IN THE YEAR 2000, IF CURRENT
TRENDS CONTINUE, THE AVERAGE
BLUE-COLLAR ANNUAL WAGE IN THIS
TRENDS CONTINUE, THE AVERAGE
BLUE-COLLAR ANNUAL WAGE IN THIS
COUNTRY WILL BE $568,000.
BLUE-COLLAR ANNUAL WAGE IN THIS
COUNTRY WILL BE $568,000.
THINK WHAT THIS INFLATED WORLD
COUNTRY WILL BE $568,000.
THINK WHAT THIS INFLATED WORLD
OF THE FUTURE WILL MEAN...
THINK WHAT THIS INFLATED WORLD
OF THE FUTURE WILL MEAN...
MOST AMERICANS WILL BE
OF THE FUTURE WILL MEAN...
MOST AMERICANS WILL BE
MILLIONAIRES.
MOST AMERICANS WILL BE
MILLIONAIRES.
EVERYONE WILL FEEL LIKE A BIG
MILLIONAIRES.
EVERYONE WILL FEEL LIKE A BIG
SHOT.
EVERYONE WILL FEEL LIKE A BIG
SHOT.
WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO OWN A
SHOT.
WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO OWN A
$4,000 SUIT?
WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO OWN A
$4,000 SUIT?
AND SMOKE A $75 CIGAR?
$4,000 SUIT?
AND SMOKE A $75 CIGAR?
DRIVE A $600,000 CAR?
AND SMOKE A $75 CIGAR?
DRIVE A $600,000 CAR?
I KNOW I WOULD.
DRIVE A $600,000 CAR?
I KNOW I WOULD.
BUT WHAT ABOUT PEOPLE ON FIXED
I KNOW I WOULD.
BUT WHAT ABOUT PEOPLE ON FIXED
INCOMES?
BUT WHAT ABOUT PEOPLE ON FIXED
INCOMES?
THEY HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THE TRUE
INCOMES?
THEY HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THE TRUE
VICTIMS OF INFLATION.
THEY HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THE TRUE
VICTIMS OF INFLATION.
THAT'S WHY I WILL PRESENT TO
VICTIMS OF INFLATION.
THAT'S WHY I WILL PRESENT TO
CONGRESS THE INFLATION
THAT'S WHY I WILL PRESENT TO
CONGRESS THE INFLATION
MAINTENANCE PROGRAM, WHEREBY THE
CONGRESS THE INFLATION
MAINTENANCE PROGRAM, WHEREBY THE
U.S. TREASURY WILL MAKE UP ANY
MAINTENANCE PROGRAM, WHEREBY THE
U.S. TREASURY WILL MAKE UP ANY
INFLATION COST LOSSES THROUGH
U.S. TREASURY WILL MAKE UP ANY
INFLATION COST LOSSES THROUGH
DIRECT TAX REBATES TO THE
INFLATION COST LOSSES THROUGH
DIRECT TAX REBATES TO THE
PUBLIC, IN CASH.
DIRECT TAX REBATES TO THE
PUBLIC, IN CASH.
NOW, YOU MAY SAY, "WON'T THAT
PUBLIC, IN CASH.
NOW, YOU MAY SAY, "WON'T THAT
COST A LOT OF MONEY?
NOW, YOU MAY SAY, "WON'T THAT
COST A LOT OF MONEY?
WON'T THAT INCREASE THE
COST A LOT OF MONEY?
WON'T THAT INCREASE THE
DEFICIT?"
WON'T THAT INCREASE THE
DEFICIT?"
SURE IT WILL.
DEFICIT?"
SURE IT WILL.
BUT SO WHAT?
SURE IT WILL.
BUT SO WHAT?
WE'LL JUST PRINT MORE MONEY.
BUT SO WHAT?
WE'LL JUST PRINT MORE MONEY.
WE HAVE THE PAPERS.
WE'LL JUST PRINT MORE MONEY.
WE HAVE THE PAPERS.
WE HAVE THE MINTS.
WE HAVE THE PAPERS.
WE HAVE THE MINTS.
I CAN JUST CALL UP THE BUREAU OF
WE HAVE THE MINTS.
I CAN JUST CALL UP THE BUREAU OF
ENGRAVING AND SAY, "HI.
I CAN JUST CALL UP THE BUREAU OF
ENGRAVING AND SAY, "HI.
THIS IS JIMMY.
ENGRAVING AND SAY, "HI.
THIS IS JIMMY.
ROLL OFF SOME OF THEM $20s.
THIS IS JIMMY.
ROLL OFF SOME OF THEM $20s.
PRINT UP A COUPLE A THOUSAND
ROLL OFF SOME OF THEM $20s.
PRINT UP A COUPLE A THOUSAND
SHEETS OF THOSE CENTURY NOTES."
PRINT UP A COUPLE A THOUSAND
SHEETS OF THOSE CENTURY NOTES."
SURE, THE GLUT OF DOLLARS WILL
SHEETS OF THOSE CENTURY NOTES."
SURE, THE GLUT OF DOLLARS WILL
CAUSE EVEN MORE INFLATION, BUT
SURE, THE GLUT OF DOLLARS WILL
CAUSE EVEN MORE INFLATION, BUT
WHO CARES?
CAUSE EVEN MORE INFLATION, BUT
WHO CARES?
EVERYBODY WILL BE A MILLIONAIRE.
WHO CARES?
EVERYBODY WILL BE A MILLIONAIRE.
IN MY SPEECH LAST WEEK, I SAID
EVERYBODY WILL BE A MILLIONAIRE.
IN MY SPEECH LAST WEEK, I SAID
THAT AMERICA WOULD HAVE TO
IN MY SPEECH LAST WEEK, I SAID
THAT AMERICA WOULD HAVE TO
UNDERGO AN AUSTERITY PROGRAM,
THAT AMERICA WOULD HAVE TO
UNDERGO AN AUSTERITY PROGRAM,
BUT SINCE THIS REVOLUTIONARY NEW
UNDERGO AN AUSTERITY PROGRAM,
BUT SINCE THIS REVOLUTIONARY NEW
APPROACH WELCOMES INFLATION, OUR
BUT SINCE THIS REVOLUTIONARY NEW
APPROACH WELCOMES INFLATION, OUR
ECONOMY WILL BE FREE TO GROW,
APPROACH WELCOMES INFLATION, OUR
ECONOMY WILL BE FREE TO GROW,
AND WE CAN SPEND, SPEND, SPEND.
ECONOMY WILL BE FREE TO GROW,
AND WE CAN SPEND, SPEND, SPEND.
I BELIEVE THE WATCHWORDS FOR THE
AND WE CAN SPEND, SPEND, SPEND.
I BELIEVE THE WATCHWORDS FOR THE
'80s SHOULD BE "LET'S PARTY."
AND IN THAT SPIRIT, I'D LIKE TO
SAY, "LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
'SATURDAY NIGHT.'"
SAY, "LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
'SATURDAY NIGHT.'"
[BAND PLAYS]
Announcer: IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE."
WITH STEVE MARTIN.
STARRING DAN AYKROYD.
JOHN BELUSHI.
JANE CURTIN.
JOHN BELUSHI.
JANE CURTIN.
GARRETT MORRIS.
JANE CURTIN.
GARRETT MORRIS.
BILL MURRAY.
GARRETT MORRIS.
BILL MURRAY.
LARAINE NEWMAN.
BILL MURRAY.
LARAINE NEWMAN.
AND GILDA RADNER.
WITH MUSICAL GUEST VAN MORRISON.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
STEVE MARTIN!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I HAVE
TO BE HONEST WITH YOU.
UM, I DO NOT FEEL WELL TONIGHT.
TO BE HONEST WITH YOU.
UM, I DO NOT FEEL WELL TONIGHT.
[LAUGHTER]
UM, I DO NOT FEEL WELL TONIGHT.
[LAUGHTER]
I WOKE UP THIS MORNING WITH A
[LAUGHTER]
I WOKE UP THIS MORNING WITH A
SPLITTING HEADACHE.
I WOKE UP THIS MORNING WITH A
SPLITTING HEADACHE.
IT WAS AS THOUGH MY HEAD WERE IN
SPLITTING HEADACHE.
IT WAS AS THOUGH MY HEAD WERE IN
A VICE.
IT WAS AS THOUGH MY HEAD WERE IN
A VICE.
[LAUGHTER]
A VICE.
[LAUGHTER]
I THOUGHT IT WOULD GO AWAY, BUT
[LAUGHTER]
I THOUGHT IT WOULD GO AWAY, BUT
IT HASN'T.
I THOUGHT IT WOULD GO AWAY, BUT
IT HASN'T.
I TOOK SOME ASPIRIN... IT MEANT
IT HASN'T.
I TOOK SOME ASPIRIN... IT MEANT
NOTHING.
I TOOK SOME ASPIRIN... IT MEANT
NOTHING.
BUT I'VE DECIDED TO CONTINUE
NOTHING.
BUT I'VE DECIDED TO CONTINUE
WITH THE SHOW ANYWAY.
BUT I'VE DECIDED TO CONTINUE
WITH THE SHOW ANYWAY.
PARDON ME? WHAT?
WITH THE SHOW ANYWAY.
PARDON ME? WHAT?
THERE'S A CLAMP ON MY HEAD?
PARDON ME? WHAT?
THERE'S A CLAMP ON MY HEAD?
OH!
THERE'S A CLAMP ON MY HEAD?
OH!
[LAUGHS]
OH!
[LAUGHS]
OH!
[LAUGHS]
OH!
THOSE...
OH!
THOSE...
[APPLAUSE]
THOSE...
[APPLAUSE]
THOSE "SATURDAY NIGHT" PEOPLE.
[APPLAUSE]
THOSE "SATURDAY NIGHT" PEOPLE.
THEY DIDN'T EVEN TELL ME.
THOSE "SATURDAY NIGHT" PEOPLE.
THEY DIDN'T EVEN TELL ME.
I WENT THROUGH MAKEUP AND
THEY DIDN'T EVEN TELL ME.
I WENT THROUGH MAKEUP AND
EVERYTHING, AND NOBODY SAID A
I WENT THROUGH MAKEUP AND
EVERYTHING, AND NOBODY SAID A
WORD.
EVERYTHING, AND NOBODY SAID A
WORD.
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
WORD.
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
YOU'RE SAYING, "OH, I'LL BET
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
YOU'RE SAYING, "OH, I'LL BET
HE'S ON DRUGS."
YOU'RE SAYING, "OH, I'LL BET
HE'S ON DRUGS."
[LAUGHTER]
HE'S ON DRUGS."
[LAUGHTER]
WELL, I'LL BE HONEST WITH YOU.
[LAUGHTER]
WELL, I'LL BE HONEST WITH YOU.
I USED TO SMOKE MARIJUANA.
WELL, I'LL BE HONEST WITH YOU.
I USED TO SMOKE MARIJUANA.
[PANTING]
I USED TO SMOKE MARIJUANA.
[PANTING]
BUT I WOULD ONLY SMOKE IT IN THE
[PANTING]
BUT I WOULD ONLY SMOKE IT IN THE
LATE EVENING.
BUT I WOULD ONLY SMOKE IT IN THE
LATE EVENING.
OH, OCCASIONALLY THE EARLY
LATE EVENING.
OH, OCCASIONALLY THE EARLY
EVENING OR MID-EVENING, BUT THAT
OH, OCCASIONALLY THE EARLY
EVENING OR MID-EVENING, BUT THAT
WAS IT... THE LATE EVENING,
EVENING OR MID-EVENING, BUT THAT
WAS IT... THE LATE EVENING,
MID-EVENING, OR EARLY EVENING,
WAS IT... THE LATE EVENING,
MID-EVENING, OR EARLY EVENING,
BUT THAT WAS IT.
MID-EVENING, OR EARLY EVENING,
BUT THAT WAS IT.
OH, OCCASIONALLY THE EARLY
BUT THAT WAS IT.
OH, OCCASIONALLY THE EARLY
MORNING OR...
OH, OCCASIONALLY THE EARLY
MORNING OR...
OH, THE MID-MORNING, BUT...
MORNING OR...
OH, THE MID-MORNING, BUT...
MAYBE THE LATE MORNING, BUT
OH, THE MID-MORNING, BUT...
MAYBE THE LATE MORNING, BUT
OCCASIONALLY THE EARLY MID-LATE
MAYBE THE LATE MORNING, BUT
OCCASIONALLY THE EARLY MID-LATE
MORNING OR SOMETIMES THE
OCCASIONALLY THE EARLY MID-LATE
MORNING OR SOMETIMES THE
MID-EARLY MORNING OR... OR THE
MORNING OR SOMETIMES THE
MID-EARLY MORNING OR... OR THE
LATE AFTERNOON.
MID-EARLY MORNING OR... OR THE
LATE AFTERNOON.
SOMETIMES THE MID-EARLY LATE
LATE AFTERNOON.
SOMETIMES THE MID-EARLY LATE
AFTERNOON.
SOMETIMES THE MID-EARLY LATE
AFTERNOON.
BUT NEVER AT DUSK.
AFTERNOON.
BUT NEVER AT DUSK.
NO!
BUT NEVER AT DUSK.
NO!
I WOULD NEVER SMOKE IT AT DUSK.
NO!
I WOULD NEVER SMOKE IT AT DUSK.
NO!
I WOULD NEVER SMOKE IT AT DUSK.
NO!
NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER,
NO!
NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER,
NEVER!
NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER,
NEVER!
BECAUSE THAT'S WHEN THE LITTLE
NEVER!
BECAUSE THAT'S WHEN THE LITTLE
FAT MEN WOULD COME.
BECAUSE THAT'S WHEN THE LITTLE
FAT MEN WOULD COME.
AND THEY WOULD DO THINGS TO ME.
FAT MEN WOULD COME.
AND THEY WOULD DO THINGS TO ME.
THEY'D GO, "WHOA!"
AND THEY WOULD DO THINGS TO ME.
THEY'D GO, "WHOA!"
AND I LIKED IT.
THEY'D GO, "WHOA!"
AND I LIKED IT.
[LAUGHING]
AND I LIKED IT.
[LAUGHING]
BUT I QUIT THAT.
[LAUGHING]
BUT I QUIT THAT.
I'VE QUIT ALL DRUGS.
BUT I QUIT THAT.
I'VE QUIT ALL DRUGS.
WELL...
I'VE QUIT ALL DRUGS.
WELL...
LET ME SAY ONE THING.
WELL...
LET ME SAY ONE THING.
UM, I TWISTED MY ANKLE EARLY
LET ME SAY ONE THING.
UM, I TWISTED MY ANKLE EARLY
THIS MORNING, AND I WAS IN QUITE
UM, I TWISTED MY ANKLE EARLY
THIS MORNING, AND I WAS IN QUITE
A BIT OF PAIN.
THIS MORNING, AND I WAS IN QUITE
A BIT OF PAIN.
SO I WENT TO THE DOCTOR, AND I
A BIT OF PAIN.
SO I WENT TO THE DOCTOR, AND I
ASKED HIM TO GIVE ME SOME PAIN
SO I WENT TO THE DOCTOR, AND I
ASKED HIM TO GIVE ME SOME PAIN
PILLS.
ASKED HIM TO GIVE ME SOME PAIN
PILLS.
AND HE DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT, BUT
PILLS.
AND HE DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT, BUT
I TALKED HIM INTO IT.
AND HE DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT, BUT
I TALKED HIM INTO IT.
SO HE GAVE ME SOME PILLS... AND
I TALKED HIM INTO IT.
SO HE GAVE ME SOME PILLS... AND
I SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THIS...
SO HE GAVE ME SOME PILLS... AND
I SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THIS...
I TOOK SOME ABOUT AN HOUR BEFORE
I SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THIS...
I TOOK SOME ABOUT AN HOUR BEFORE
THE SHOW TONIGHT, AND RIGHT NOW
I TOOK SOME ABOUT AN HOUR BEFORE
THE SHOW TONIGHT, AND RIGHT NOW
I AM HIGH AS A KITE.
THE SHOW TONIGHT, AND RIGHT NOW
I AM HIGH AS A KITE.
I MEAN...
I AM HIGH AS A KITE.
I MEAN...
[APPLAUSE]
I MEAN...
[APPLAUSE]
IT IS UNBELIEVABLE.
[APPLAUSE]
IT IS UNBELIEVABLE.
AND I WOULD NEVER SAY THIS TO
IT IS UNBELIEVABLE.
AND I WOULD NEVER SAY THIS TO
PEOPLE, BUT, IN THIS CASE, IF
AND I WOULD NEVER SAY THIS TO
PEOPLE, BUT, IN THIS CASE, IF
YOU EVER GET A CHANCE TO TAKE
PEOPLE, BUT, IN THIS CASE, IF
YOU EVER GET A CHANCE TO TAKE
THESE DRUGS, DO IT.
YOU EVER GET A CHANCE TO TAKE
THESE DRUGS, DO IT.
THEY'RE CALLED...
THESE DRUGS, DO IT.
THEY'RE CALLED...
PLACEBOS.
THEY'RE CALLED...
PLACEBOS.
[LAUGHTER]
PLACEBOS.
[LAUGHTER]
I MEAN, I'M TAKING THEM RIGHT
[LAUGHTER]
I MEAN, I'M TAKING THEM RIGHT
NOW.
I MEAN, I'M TAKING THEM RIGHT
NOW.
I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE I AM AT
NOW.
I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE I AM AT
ALL.
I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE I AM AT
ALL.
PLACEBO.
ALL.
PLACEBO.
YOU KNOW, LAST TIME I WAS ON THE
PLACEBO.
YOU KNOW, LAST TIME I WAS ON THE
SHOW, I DID A LITTLE COMEDY
YOU KNOW, LAST TIME I WAS ON THE
SHOW, I DID A LITTLE COMEDY
ROUTINE WITH BILL MURRAY.
SHOW, I DID A LITTLE COMEDY
ROUTINE WITH BILL MURRAY.
AND IT WORKED OUT VERY WELL.
ROUTINE WITH BILL MURRAY.
AND IT WORKED OUT VERY WELL.
KIND OF A COMEDY PICKPOCKET
AND IT WORKED OUT VERY WELL.
KIND OF A COMEDY PICKPOCKET
THING.
KIND OF A COMEDY PICKPOCKET
THING.
AND THIS TIME, WE DECIDED TO DO
THING.
AND THIS TIME, WE DECIDED TO DO
ANOTHER ROUTINE.
AND THIS TIME, WE DECIDED TO DO
ANOTHER ROUTINE.
HE'S A GREAT MAN.
ANOTHER ROUTINE.
HE'S A GREAT MAN.
LET'S BRING HIM OUT.
HE'S A GREAT MAN.
LET'S BRING HIM OUT.
BILL MURRAY!
LET'S BRING HIM OUT.
BILL MURRAY!
BILL.
BILL MURRAY!
BILL.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WITHOUT SOUNDING CORNY, BILL IS
REALLY AN ARTIST.
HE'S AN ACTOR.
REALLY AN ARTIST.
HE'S AN ACTOR.
AND IT'S FUN TO WORK WITH
HE'S AN ACTOR.
AND IT'S FUN TO WORK WITH
SOMEONE WITH THIS KIND OF
AND IT'S FUN TO WORK WITH
SOMEONE WITH THIS KIND OF
KNOWLEDGE OF SHOWBIZ.
SOMEONE WITH THIS KIND OF
KNOWLEDGE OF SHOWBIZ.
BILL, TAKE A BOW.
KNOWLEDGE OF SHOWBIZ.
BILL, TAKE A BOW.
[APPLAUSE]
BILL, TAKE A BOW.
[APPLAUSE]
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
[LAUGHTER]
BILL, IT'S REALLY A PLEASURE
[LAUGHTER]
BILL, IT'S REALLY A PLEASURE
WORKING WITH YOU.
BILL, IT'S REALLY A PLEASURE
WORKING WITH YOU.
IT'S GREAT WORKING WITH YOU,
WORKING WITH YOU.
IT'S GREAT WORKING WITH YOU,
TOO, STEVE.
IT'S GREAT WORKING WITH YOU,
TOO, STEVE.
SHAKE.
TOO, STEVE.
SHAKE.
[LAUGHTER]
SHAKE.
[LAUGHTER]
BILL, UM...
[LAUGHTER]
BILL, UM...
TODAY IS NOVEMBER 4th, AND I'LL
BILL, UM...
TODAY IS NOVEMBER 4th, AND I'LL
BE GOING ON A PROMOTIONAL TOUR
TODAY IS NOVEMBER 4th, AND I'LL
BE GOING ON A PROMOTIONAL TOUR
FOR MY NEW ALBUM UNTIL
BE GOING ON A PROMOTIONAL TOUR
FOR MY NEW ALBUM UNTIL
NOVEMBER 18th.
FOR MY NEW ALBUM UNTIL
NOVEMBER 18th.
HOW MANY DAYS IS THAT?
NOVEMBER 18th.
HOW MANY DAYS IS THAT?
14.
HOW MANY DAYS IS THAT?
14.
AND HOW MANY WEEKS?
14.
AND HOW MANY WEEKS?
TWO WEEKS.
AND HOW MANY WEEKS?
TWO WEEKS.
[APPLAUSE]
TWO WEEKS.
[APPLAUSE]
BILL, I DIDN'T BRING MY BANJO
[APPLAUSE]
BILL, I DIDN'T BRING MY BANJO
WITH ME TONIGHT, AND I'M SURE
BILL, I DIDN'T BRING MY BANJO
WITH ME TONIGHT, AND I'M SURE
THE PEOPLE WOULD LOVE TO HEAR
WITH ME TONIGHT, AND I'M SURE
THE PEOPLE WOULD LOVE TO HEAR
SOME MUSIC.
THE PEOPLE WOULD LOVE TO HEAR
SOME MUSIC.
UH, WHAT'S ONE OF YOUR FAVORITE
SOME MUSIC.
UH, WHAT'S ONE OF YOUR FAVORITE
SONGS?
UH, WHAT'S ONE OF YOUR FAVORITE
SONGS?
"MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB."
SONGS?
"MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB."
OH, THAT'S A GOOD TUNE.
"MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB."
OH, THAT'S A GOOD TUNE.
MAYBE YOU COULD PLAY IT FOR US A
OH, THAT'S A GOOD TUNE.
MAYBE YOU COULD PLAY IT FOR US A
LITTLE BIT.
MAYBE YOU COULD PLAY IT FOR US A
LITTLE BIT.
SURE. I'D LOVE TO.
LITTLE BIT.
SURE. I'D LOVE TO.
[LAUGHTER]
SURE. I'D LOVE TO.
[LAUGHTER]
["MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB"
[LAUGHTER]
["MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB"
PLAYS]
THAT'S GREAT, BILL.
[APPLAUSE]
BILL...
[APPLAUSE]
BILL...
BILL, DO YOU THINK YOU'D BE ABLE
BILL...
BILL, DO YOU THINK YOU'D BE ABLE
TO JUMP THROUGH A HOOP?
BILL, DO YOU THINK YOU'D BE ABLE
TO JUMP THROUGH A HOOP?
SURE.
TO JUMP THROUGH A HOOP?
SURE.
OKAY.
SURE.
OKAY.
COME ON OUT HERE.
OKAY.
COME ON OUT HERE.
LET'S GIVE IT A TRY AND SEE WHAT
COME ON OUT HERE.
LET'S GIVE IT A TRY AND SEE WHAT
HAPPENS.
LET'S GIVE IT A TRY AND SEE WHAT
HAPPENS.
[LAUGHTER]
HAPPENS.
[LAUGHTER]
[DRUMROLL]
[LAUGHTER]
[DRUMROLL]
GO, BILL!
[DRUMROLL]
GO, BILL!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
GO, BILL!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
ISN'T HE GREAT?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
ISN'T HE GREAT?
BILL MURRAY.
ISN'T HE GREAT?
BILL MURRAY.
WHAT A FABULOUS GUY.
BILL MURRAY.
WHAT A FABULOUS GUY.
[APPLAUSE CONTINUES]
WHAT A FABULOUS GUY.
[APPLAUSE CONTINUES]
WELL, THAT'S IT.
[APPLAUSE CONTINUES]
WELL, THAT'S IT.
THAT'S OUR COMEDY ROUTINE.
WELL, THAT'S IT.
THAT'S OUR COMEDY ROUTINE.
I THINK IT WENT REAL WELL.
THAT'S OUR COMEDY ROUTINE.
I THINK IT WENT REAL WELL.
AND IT'S JUST A REAL PLEASURE
I THINK IT WENT REAL WELL.
AND IT'S JUST A REAL PLEASURE
FOR ME TO COME BACK AND WORK
AND IT'S JUST A REAL PLEASURE
FOR ME TO COME BACK AND WORK
WITH THE PEOPLE AT
FOR ME TO COME BACK AND WORK
WITH THE PEOPLE AT
"SATURDAY NIGHT."
WITH THE PEOPLE AT
"SATURDAY NIGHT."
WE GOT A BIG SHOW AHEAD OF US.
"SATURDAY NIGHT."
WE GOT A BIG SHOW AHEAD OF US.
AND I'M ANXIOUS TO GET ON WITH
WE GOT A BIG SHOW AHEAD OF US.
AND I'M ANXIOUS TO GET ON WITH
IT, BECAUSE "SATURDAY NIGHT'S"
AND I'M ANXIOUS TO GET ON WITH
IT, BECAUSE "SATURDAY NIGHT'S"
A SPECIAL SHOW FOR ME.
IT, BECAUSE "SATURDAY NIGHT'S"
A SPECIAL SHOW FOR ME.
I LIKE WORKING WITH THE PEOPLE,
A SPECIAL SHOW FOR ME.
I LIKE WORKING WITH THE PEOPLE,
AND ALL THE PEOPLE ARE SUCH
I LIKE WORKING WITH THE PEOPLE,
AND ALL THE PEOPLE ARE SUCH
GREAT PERFORMERS THAT WHEN WE'RE
AND ALL THE PEOPLE ARE SUCH
GREAT PERFORMERS THAT WHEN WE'RE
TOGETHER, IT'S MORE LIKE A
GREAT PERFORMERS THAT WHEN WE'RE
TOGETHER, IT'S MORE LIKE A
RAPPORT.
TOGETHER, IT'S MORE LIKE A
RAPPORT.
AND THAT'S WHAT I THINK IS FUN,
RAPPORT.
AND THAT'S WHAT I THINK IS FUN,
WHEN YOU HAVE THIS KIND OF A
AND THAT'S WHAT I THINK IS FUN,
WHEN YOU HAVE THIS KIND OF A
THING.
WHEN YOU HAVE THIS KIND OF A
THING.
AND, UM...
THING.
AND, UM...
YOU KNOW, WE HAVE A LOT OF FUNNY
AND, UM...
YOU KNOW, WE HAVE A LOT OF FUNNY
BITS TO DO TONIGHT, A LOT OF
YOU KNOW, WE HAVE A LOT OF FUNNY
BITS TO DO TONIGHT, A LOT OF
SING...
BITS TO DO TONIGHT, A LOT OF
SING...
BILL.
SING...
BILL.
AND A LOT OF SINGLE PIECES.
BILL.
AND A LOT OF SINGLE PIECES.
WE'VE GOT MUSIC.
AND A LOT OF SINGLE PIECES.
WE'VE GOT MUSIC.
VAN MORRISON, THE SPECIAL GUEST.
WE'VE GOT MUSIC.
VAN MORRISON, THE SPECIAL GUEST.
HE'S FABULOUS, AND...
VAN MORRISON, THE SPECIAL GUEST.
HE'S FABULOUS, AND...
[APPLAUSE]
HE'S FABULOUS, AND...
[APPLAUSE]
TO ACTUALLY BE IN THIS SHOW IS A
[APPLAUSE]
TO ACTUALLY BE IN THIS SHOW IS A
REAL THRILL.
TO ACTUALLY BE IN THIS SHOW IS A
REAL THRILL.
AND THAT'S... THAT'S WHAT I
REAL THRILL.
AND THAT'S... THAT'S WHAT I
LOOK...
AND THAT'S... THAT'S WHAT I
LOOK...
BILL.
LOOK...
BILL.
BILL, NOW, COME ON.
BILL.
BILL, NOW, COME ON.
YOU DON'T GET A CRACKER FOR
BILL, NOW, COME ON.
YOU DON'T GET A CRACKER FOR
THIS PART.
YOU DON'T GET A CRACKER FOR
THIS PART.
WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH.
THIS PART.
WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH.
STEVE, WHERE'S THE CRACKER?
WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH.
STEVE, WHERE'S THE CRACKER?
COME ON.
STEVE, WHERE'S THE CRACKER?
COME ON.
I'M SORRY, BILL.
COME ON.
I'M SORRY, BILL.
WE CAN'T GIVE A CRACKER AFTER
I'M SORRY, BILL.
WE CAN'T GIVE A CRACKER AFTER
EACH ROUTINE.
WE CAN'T GIVE A CRACKER AFTER
EACH ROUTINE.
I MEAN, THAT GETS TO BE VERY
EACH ROUTINE.
I MEAN, THAT GETS TO BE VERY
EXPENSIVE.
I MEAN, THAT GETS TO BE VERY
EXPENSIVE.
WAIT A SECOND.
EXPENSIVE.
WAIT A SECOND.
WE REHEARSED THIS BIT ALL WEEK
WAIT A SECOND.
WE REHEARSED THIS BIT ALL WEEK
LONG, AND EVERY TIME I JUMPED
WE REHEARSED THIS BIT ALL WEEK
LONG, AND EVERY TIME I JUMPED
THROUGH THE HOOP, YOU GAVE ME A
LONG, AND EVERY TIME I JUMPED
THROUGH THE HOOP, YOU GAVE ME A
CRACKER.
THROUGH THE HOOP, YOU GAVE ME A
CRACKER.
WELL, I'M SORRY.
CRACKER.
WELL, I'M SORRY.
WE JUST CAN'T GIVE A CRACKER IN
WELL, I'M SORRY.
WE JUST CAN'T GIVE A CRACKER IN
THESE KIND OF ACTS AFTER EACH
WE JUST CAN'T GIVE A CRACKER IN
THESE KIND OF ACTS AFTER EACH
TIME.
THESE KIND OF ACTS AFTER EACH
TIME.
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE ONLY DOING
TIME.
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE ONLY DOING
IT FOR THE CRACKER.
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE ONLY DOING
IT FOR THE CRACKER.
WELL, LISTEN, STEVE, I'VE
IT FOR THE CRACKER.
WELL, LISTEN, STEVE, I'VE
NEVER OPERATED ON ANYTHING BUT A
WELL, LISTEN, STEVE, I'VE
NEVER OPERATED ON ANYTHING BUT A
HANDSHAKE IN THIS BUSINESS,
NEVER OPERATED ON ANYTHING BUT A
HANDSHAKE IN THIS BUSINESS,
YOU KNOW?
HANDSHAKE IN THIS BUSINESS,
YOU KNOW?
AND I JUMPED THROUGH THE HOOP ON
YOU KNOW?
AND I JUMPED THROUGH THE HOOP ON
MONDAY.
AND I JUMPED THROUGH THE HOOP ON
MONDAY.
YOU GAVE ME A CRACKER.
MONDAY.
YOU GAVE ME A CRACKER.
TUESDAY, I DID IT AGAIN.
YOU GAVE ME A CRACKER.
TUESDAY, I DID IT AGAIN.
YOU GAVE ME ANOTHER CRACKER.
TUESDAY, I DID IT AGAIN.
YOU GAVE ME ANOTHER CRACKER.
WEDNESDAY, WE DIDN'T REHEARSE.
YOU GAVE ME ANOTHER CRACKER.
WEDNESDAY, WE DIDN'T REHEARSE.
I DIDN'T GET A CRACKER.
WEDNESDAY, WE DIDN'T REHEARSE.
I DIDN'T GET A CRACKER.
THURSDAY AND FRIDAY, WE DID IT
I DIDN'T GET A CRACKER.
THURSDAY AND FRIDAY, WE DID IT
FOUR TIMES... CRACKER, CRACKER,
THURSDAY AND FRIDAY, WE DID IT
FOUR TIMES... CRACKER, CRACKER,
CRACKER, CRACKER.
FOUR TIMES... CRACKER, CRACKER,
CRACKER, CRACKER.
WELL, BILL, I'M SORRY, BUT WE
CRACKER, CRACKER.
WELL, BILL, I'M SORRY, BUT WE
JUST CAN'T GIVE A CRACKER OUT
WELL, BILL, I'M SORRY, BUT WE
JUST CAN'T GIVE A CRACKER OUT
EACH TIME.
JUST CAN'T GIVE A CRACKER OUT
EACH TIME.
I'M SORRY. WE JUST CAN'T DO IT.
EACH TIME.
I'M SORRY. WE JUST CAN'T DO IT.
WELL, MAYBE I'LL JUST GO TELL
I'M SORRY. WE JUST CAN'T DO IT.
WELL, MAYBE I'LL JUST GO TELL
JANE AND GARRETT AND DAN THAT
WELL, MAYBE I'LL JUST GO TELL
JANE AND GARRETT AND DAN THAT
THERE'S NOT GONNA BE A CRACKER
JANE AND GARRETT AND DAN THAT
THERE'S NOT GONNA BE A CRACKER
FOR THE SHOW TONIGHT.
THERE'S NOT GONNA BE A CRACKER
FOR THE SHOW TONIGHT.
[Laughing] COME ON.
FOR THE SHOW TONIGHT.
[Laughing] COME ON.
YOU WOULDN'T DO THAT.
[Laughing] COME ON.
YOU WOULDN'T DO THAT.
MAYBE THEY WON'T DO THE
YOU WOULDN'T DO THAT.
MAYBE THEY WON'T DO THE
SHOW.
MAYBE THEY WON'T DO THE
SHOW.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
SHOW.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
Y-Y-YOU WOULDN'T DARE DO THAT.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
Y-Y-YOU WOULDN'T DARE DO THAT.
STEVE, I'M GONNA CALL YOUR
Y-Y-YOU WOULDN'T DARE DO THAT.
STEVE, I'M GONNA CALL YOUR
BLUFF.
STEVE, I'M GONNA CALL YOUR
BLUFF.
EITHER YOU GIVE ME A CRACKER OR
BLUFF.
EITHER YOU GIVE ME A CRACKER OR
I GO BACK TO THE DRESSING ROOM
EITHER YOU GIVE ME A CRACKER OR
I GO BACK TO THE DRESSING ROOM
AND SPILL MY GUTS.
I GO BACK TO THE DRESSING ROOM
AND SPILL MY GUTS.
AH, YOU...
AND SPILL MY GUTS.
AH, YOU...
[PANTING]
THANKS FOR THE CRACKER,
STEVE.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IF I'M
GOING TO HAVE TO GIVE A CRACKER
OUT AFTER EACH ROUTINE
GOING TO HAVE TO GIVE A CRACKER
OUT AFTER EACH ROUTINE
TONIGHT... TO EVERY MEMBER OF
OUT AFTER EACH ROUTINE
TONIGHT... TO EVERY MEMBER OF
THE CAST... THIS CHANGES THINGS
TONIGHT... TO EVERY MEMBER OF
THE CAST... THIS CHANGES THINGS
A LITTLE BIT FOR ME FINANCIALLY.
THE CAST... THIS CHANGES THINGS
A LITTLE BIT FOR ME FINANCIALLY.
I'M GONNA HAVE TO THINK ABOUT
A LITTLE BIT FOR ME FINANCIALLY.
I'M GONNA HAVE TO THINK ABOUT
THIS.
I'M GONNA HAVE TO THINK ABOUT
THIS.
AND WE MAY OR MAY NOT BE BACK
THIS.
AND WE MAY OR MAY NOT BE BACK
AFTER THIS COMMERCIAL.
AND WE MAY OR MAY NOT BE BACK
AFTER THIS COMMERCIAL.
[CLEARS THROAT]
AFTER THIS COMMERCIAL.
[CLEARS THROAT]
[APPLAUSE]
♪ LOVE ME TENDER ♪
Announcer: THE NEW JERSEY
CIVIC COLISEUM IS PROUD TO
Announcer: THE NEW JERSEY
CIVIC COLISEUM IS PROUD TO
PRESENT, APPEARING LIVE FOR A
CIVIC COLISEUM IS PROUD TO
PRESENT, APPEARING LIVE FOR A
LIMITED ENGAGEMENT...
PRESENT, APPEARING LIVE FOR A
LIMITED ENGAGEMENT...
ELVIS PRESLEY'S COAT!
LIMITED ENGAGEMENT...
ELVIS PRESLEY'S COAT!
HEAR THE HITS OF THE KING AND
ELVIS PRESLEY'S COAT!
HEAR THE HITS OF THE KING AND
SEE THE COAT THAT MADE HIM
HEAR THE HITS OF THE KING AND
SEE THE COAT THAT MADE HIM
FAMOUS.
SEE THE COAT THAT MADE HIM
FAMOUS.
♪ NUMBER 47 SAID TO NUMBER
FAMOUS.
♪ NUMBER 47 SAID TO NUMBER
3, "YOU'RE THE CUTEST JAILBIRD
♪ NUMBER 47 SAID TO NUMBER
3, "YOU'RE THE CUTEST JAILBIRD
I EVER DID SEE ♪
3, "YOU'RE THE CUTEST JAILBIRD
I EVER DID SEE ♪
♪ I SURE WOULD BE DELIGHTED WITH
I EVER DID SEE ♪
♪ I SURE WOULD BE DELIGHTED WITH
YOUR COMPANY ♪
♪ I SURE WOULD BE DELIGHTED WITH
YOUR COMPANY ♪
♪ COME ON AND DO THE JAILHOUSE
YOUR COMPANY ♪
♪ COME ON AND DO THE JAILHOUSE
ROCK WITH ME" ♪
♪ COME ON AND DO THE JAILHOUSE
ROCK WITH ME" ♪
♪ LET'S ROCK ♪
ROCK WITH ME" ♪
♪ LET'S ROCK ♪
IT'S SEXY!
♪ LET'S ROCK ♪
IT'S SEXY!
♪ I'M IN LOVE ♪
IT'S SEXY!
♪ I'M IN LOVE ♪
♪ I'M ALL SHOOK UP ♪
♪ I'M IN LOVE ♪
♪ I'M ALL SHOOK UP ♪
SIMPLY MIND-BOGGLING.
♪ I'M ALL SHOOK UP ♪
SIMPLY MIND-BOGGLING.
UNCANNY.
SIMPLY MIND-BOGGLING.
UNCANNY.
IT'S VISUAL.
UNCANNY.
IT'S VISUAL.
I THINK IT WAS REMARKABLE.
IT'S VISUAL.
I THINK IT WAS REMARKABLE.
I'M GONNA HAVE TO BRING THE
I THINK IT WAS REMARKABLE.
I'M GONNA HAVE TO BRING THE
KIDS.
I'M GONNA HAVE TO BRING THE
KIDS.
Announcer: SAID ONE CRITIC,
KIDS.
Announcer: SAID ONE CRITIC,
"IT WAS THE CLOSEST THING TO
Announcer: SAID ONE CRITIC,
"IT WAS THE CLOSEST THING TO
ELVIS HIMSELF."
"IT WAS THE CLOSEST THING TO
ELVIS HIMSELF."
♪ AND BLUE HAWAII ♪
ELVIS HIMSELF."
♪ AND BLUE HAWAII ♪
WELL, THE LIGHTS.
♪ AND BLUE HAWAII ♪
WELL, THE LIGHTS.
THE SOUNDS.
WELL, THE LIGHTS.
THE SOUNDS.
I THINK I'VE SEEN ALL OF THE
THE SOUNDS.
I THINK I'VE SEEN ALL OF THE
IMITATION-COAT SHOWS, BUT THEY
I THINK I'VE SEEN ALL OF THE
IMITATION-COAT SHOWS, BUT THEY
DON'T COMPARE TO THE REAL THING.
IMITATION-COAT SHOWS, BUT THEY
DON'T COMPARE TO THE REAL THING.
NOW THE STAGE IS BARE, AND
DON'T COMPARE TO THE REAL THING.
NOW THE STAGE IS BARE, AND
I'M STANDING THERE WITH
NOW THE STAGE IS BARE, AND
I'M STANDING THERE WITH
EMPTINESS ALL AROUND.
I'M STANDING THERE WITH
EMPTINESS ALL AROUND.
Announcer: THE KING MAY BE
EMPTINESS ALL AROUND.
Announcer: THE KING MAY BE
DEAD, BUT THE COAT LIVES ON.
ENGAGEMENT BEGINS TUESDAY,
NOVEMBER 7th.
IT'S A TRIP.
YOU REALLY HAVE TO SEE IT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]
GOOD EVENING.
I'M CRAIG BLAIR.
WELCOME AGAIN TO "WHAT IF?"
I'M CRAIG BLAIR.
WELCOME AGAIN TO "WHAT IF?"
EACH WEEK ON THE SHOW, WE ASK A
WELCOME AGAIN TO "WHAT IF?"
EACH WEEK ON THE SHOW, WE ASK A
HYPOTHETICAL QUESTION ABOUT A
EACH WEEK ON THE SHOW, WE ASK A
HYPOTHETICAL QUESTION ABOUT A
SPECIFIC HISTORICAL EVENT.
HYPOTHETICAL QUESTION ABOUT A
SPECIFIC HISTORICAL EVENT.
TONIGHT'S QUESTION COMES FROM A
SPECIFIC HISTORICAL EVENT.
TONIGHT'S QUESTION COMES FROM A
KEVIN O'DONNELL, AGE 10, A
TONIGHT'S QUESTION COMES FROM A
KEVIN O'DONNELL, AGE 10, A
PAPERBOY FROM ALTON, ILLINOIS.
KEVIN O'DONNELL, AGE 10, A
PAPERBOY FROM ALTON, ILLINOIS.
KEVIN ASKS, "WHAT IF
PAPERBOY FROM ALTON, ILLINOIS.
KEVIN ASKS, "WHAT IF
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT COULD FLY?"
KEVIN ASKS, "WHAT IF
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT COULD FLY?"
WITH US TO HELP ANSWER THIS
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT COULD FLY?"
WITH US TO HELP ANSWER THIS
QUESTION IS OUR PANEL OF
WITH US TO HELP ANSWER THIS
QUESTION IS OUR PANEL OF
EXPERTS.
QUESTION IS OUR PANEL OF
EXPERTS.
TONIGHT, SYLVIA REED, PROFESSOR
EXPERTS.
TONIGHT, SYLVIA REED, PROFESSOR
OF AMERICAN HISTORY AT
TONIGHT, SYLVIA REED, PROFESSOR
OF AMERICAN HISTORY AT
MOUNT HOLYOKE COLLEGE.
SHE IS AN AUTHORITY ON THE
PRESIDENCY AND ESPECIALLY FIRST
LADIES.
AND MR. GEORGE TEMPLE, AN
AVIATION DESIGN ENGINEER FROM
THE LOCKHEED CORPORATION.
PROFESSOR REED, WHAT IF
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT COULD FLY?
WELL, AT THE OUTSET, I WOULD
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT COULD FLY?
WELL, AT THE OUTSET, I WOULD
POINT OUT THAT ELEANOR ROOSEVELT
WELL, AT THE OUTSET, I WOULD
POINT OUT THAT ELEANOR ROOSEVELT
WAS PERHAPS OUR MOST OUTSTANDING
POINT OUT THAT ELEANOR ROOSEVELT
WAS PERHAPS OUR MOST OUTSTANDING
FIRST LADY, EVEN WITHOUT THE
WAS PERHAPS OUR MOST OUTSTANDING
FIRST LADY, EVEN WITHOUT THE
ABILITY TO FLY.
FIRST LADY, EVEN WITHOUT THE
ABILITY TO FLY.
OF COURSE, NONE OF OUR OTHER
ABILITY TO FLY.
OF COURSE, NONE OF OUR OTHER
FIRST LADIES COULD FLY, ALTHOUGH
OF COURSE, NONE OF OUR OTHER
FIRST LADIES COULD FLY, ALTHOUGH
MRS. CHESTER A. ARTHUR WAS A
FIRST LADIES COULD FLY, ALTHOUGH
MRS. CHESTER A. ARTHUR WAS A
GREAT LONG-DISTANCE JUMPER.
MRS. CHESTER A. ARTHUR WAS A
GREAT LONG-DISTANCE JUMPER.
AND MRS. ZACHARY TAYLOR COULD
GREAT LONG-DISTANCE JUMPER.
AND MRS. ZACHARY TAYLOR COULD
PUT HER ENTIRE FIST IN HER
AND MRS. ZACHARY TAYLOR COULD
PUT HER ENTIRE FIST IN HER
MOUTH.
PUT HER ENTIRE FIST IN HER
MOUTH.
BUT OF ALL THE FIRST LADIES, I
MOUTH.
BUT OF ALL THE FIRST LADIES, I
THINK ELEANOR ROOSEVELT COULD'VE
BUT OF ALL THE FIRST LADIES, I
THINK ELEANOR ROOSEVELT COULD'VE
MADE THE MOST OF THE GIFT OF
THINK ELEANOR ROOSEVELT COULD'VE
MADE THE MOST OF THE GIFT OF
FLIGHT.
MADE THE MOST OF THE GIFT OF
FLIGHT.
OF COURSE, WE SHOULD REMEMBER
FLIGHT.
OF COURSE, WE SHOULD REMEMBER
THAT DURING THE LATTER PART OF
OF COURSE, WE SHOULD REMEMBER
THAT DURING THE LATTER PART OF
MRS. ROOSEVELT'S TENURE AS THE
THAT DURING THE LATTER PART OF
MRS. ROOSEVELT'S TENURE AS THE
FIRST LADY, THIS COUNTRY WAS AT
MRS. ROOSEVELT'S TENURE AS THE
FIRST LADY, THIS COUNTRY WAS AT
WAR.
FIRST LADY, THIS COUNTRY WAS AT
WAR.
MR. TEMPLE, WHAT WOULD BE THE
WAR.
MR. TEMPLE, WHAT WOULD BE THE
MILITARY SIGNIFICANCE OF A
MR. TEMPLE, WHAT WOULD BE THE
MILITARY SIGNIFICANCE OF A
FLYING FIRST LADY?
MILITARY SIGNIFICANCE OF A
FLYING FIRST LADY?
UH, WELL, OUT AT LOCKHEED,
FLYING FIRST LADY?
UH, WELL, OUT AT LOCKHEED,
WE'VE PERFORMED WIND-TUNNEL
UH, WELL, OUT AT LOCKHEED,
WE'VE PERFORMED WIND-TUNNEL
TESTS ON ELDERLY WOMEN, AND
WE'VE PERFORMED WIND-TUNNEL
TESTS ON ELDERLY WOMEN, AND
WE'VE FOUND THAT THEY'RE
TESTS ON ELDERLY WOMEN, AND
WE'VE FOUND THAT THEY'RE
BASICALLY UNWIELDY AND REALLY
WE'VE FOUND THAT THEY'RE
BASICALLY UNWIELDY AND REALLY
COULDN'T PACK MUCH OF A PAYLOAD.
BASICALLY UNWIELDY AND REALLY
COULDN'T PACK MUCH OF A PAYLOAD.
BUT I THINK, IN THIS CASE, WE
COULDN'T PACK MUCH OF A PAYLOAD.
BUT I THINK, IN THIS CASE, WE
ARE TALKING ABOUT THE TREMENDOUS
BUT I THINK, IN THIS CASE, WE
ARE TALKING ABOUT THE TREMENDOUS
SYMBOLIC VALUE THAT A FLYING
ARE TALKING ABOUT THE TREMENDOUS
SYMBOLIC VALUE THAT A FLYING
FIRST LADY WOULD HAVE HAD.
SYMBOLIC VALUE THAT A FLYING
FIRST LADY WOULD HAVE HAD.
WHICH BRINGS US TO OUR
FIRST LADY WOULD HAVE HAD.
WHICH BRINGS US TO OUR
DRAMATIZATION OF TONIGHT'S
WHICH BRINGS US TO OUR
DRAMATIZATION OF TONIGHT'S
HYPOTHESIS... WHAT IF
DRAMATIZATION OF TONIGHT'S
HYPOTHESIS... WHAT IF
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT COULD FLY?
BABS, I'M DEAD SET AGAINST
IT.
PERFORMING AT STATE FAIRS IS ONE
IT.
PERFORMING AT STATE FAIRS IS ONE
THING, BUT LEADING A SQUADRON OF
PERFORMING AT STATE FAIRS IS ONE
THING, BUT LEADING A SQUADRON OF
B-17s OVER GERMANY IS QUITE
THING, BUT LEADING A SQUADRON OF
B-17s OVER GERMANY IS QUITE
ANOTHER.
B-17s OVER GERMANY IS QUITE
ANOTHER.
I WON'T HEAR OF IT.
FRANKLIN, WHEN I THINK ABOUT
THE BOYS THAT WE'RE SENDING OVER
THERE, BOYS NO OLDER THAN OUR
OWN SON JAMES, THEN I KNOW THAT
IF MY EFFORT CAN SHORTEN THE WAR
BY EVEN ONE MORE DAY, IT'S WORTH
ANY RISK I HAVE TO TAKE.
DAMN IT, BABS, WHY ARE YOU
ALWAYS RIGHT?
YOU KNOW, IT'S EASIER TO CHANGE
ALWAYS RIGHT?
YOU KNOW, IT'S EASIER TO CHANGE
THE AMERICAN ECONOMIC SYSTEM
YOU KNOW, IT'S EASIER TO CHANGE
THE AMERICAN ECONOMIC SYSTEM
THAN TO CHANGE YOUR MIND.
THE AMERICAN ECONOMIC SYSTEM
THAN TO CHANGE YOUR MIND.
[LAUGHS]
THAN TO CHANGE YOUR MIND.
[LAUGHS]
TELL ME, FRANKLIN, DOES IT
[LAUGHS]
TELL ME, FRANKLIN, DOES IT
BOTHER YOU WHAT THEY SAY IN THE
TELL ME, FRANKLIN, DOES IT
BOTHER YOU WHAT THEY SAY IN THE
PAPERS... THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN
BOTHER YOU WHAT THEY SAY IN THE
PAPERS... THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN
WALK AND YOU HAVE A WIFE THAT
PAPERS... THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN
WALK AND YOU HAVE A WIFE THAT
CAN FLY?
WALK AND YOU HAVE A WIFE THAT
CAN FLY?
YES, IT DOES.
CAN FLY?
YES, IT DOES.
BUT YOU HAVE MY BLESSINGS.
YES, IT DOES.
BUT YOU HAVE MY BLESSINGS.
[MOTOR WHIRRING]
BUT YOU HAVE MY BLESSINGS.
[MOTOR WHIRRING]
AH, THERE'S MY FIGHTER ESCORT
[MOTOR WHIRRING]
AH, THERE'S MY FIGHTER ESCORT
NOW.
AH, THERE'S MY FIGHTER ESCORT
NOW.
I MUST BE GOING.
NOW.
I MUST BE GOING.
GOODBYE, FRANKLIN.
I MUST BE GOING.
GOODBYE, FRANKLIN.
GOODBYE, BABS.
GOODBYE, FRANKLIN.
GOODBYE, BABS.
GOOD LUCK.
GOODBYE, BABS.
GOOD LUCK.
AND CLOSE THE WINDOW AFTER YOU.
GOOD LUCK.
AND CLOSE THE WINDOW AFTER YOU.
I THINK MAYBE FOR MORALE
AND CLOSE THE WINDOW AFTER YOU.
I THINK MAYBE FOR MORALE
PURPOSES YOU SHOULD WEAR
I THINK MAYBE FOR MORALE
PURPOSES YOU SHOULD WEAR
TROUSERS IF YOU'RE GOING TO FLY
PURPOSES YOU SHOULD WEAR
TROUSERS IF YOU'RE GOING TO FLY
OVER THE TROOPS.
TROUSERS IF YOU'RE GOING TO FLY
OVER THE TROOPS.
[LAUGHS]
[GUNSHOTS]
NO QUESTION ABOUT IT...
SHE WAS A GAME OLD GAL.
MR. TEMPLE, ANY COMMENTS?
SHE WAS A GAME OLD GAL.
MR. TEMPLE, ANY COMMENTS?
WELL, AS YOU CAN SEE,
MR. TEMPLE, ANY COMMENTS?
WELL, AS YOU CAN SEE,
MRS. ROOSEVELT HAD NO ARMOR
WELL, AS YOU CAN SEE,
MRS. ROOSEVELT HAD NO ARMOR
PLATING.
MRS. ROOSEVELT HAD NO ARMOR
PLATING.
SHE WORE MOSTLY COTTON DRESSES,
PLATING.
SHE WORE MOSTLY COTTON DRESSES,
A SIMPLE FUR PIECE, SENSIBLE
SHE WORE MOSTLY COTTON DRESSES,
A SIMPLE FUR PIECE, SENSIBLE
SHOES, SO SHE WAS VERY
A SIMPLE FUR PIECE, SENSIBLE
SHOES, SO SHE WAS VERY
VULNERABLE TO GERMAN
SHOES, SO SHE WAS VERY
VULNERABLE TO GERMAN
ANTIAIRCRAFT.
VULNERABLE TO GERMAN
ANTIAIRCRAFT.
NOW, I DON'T THINK THAT HER
ANTIAIRCRAFT.
NOW, I DON'T THINK THAT HER
FLYING ABILITY WOULD HAVE MADE A
NOW, I DON'T THINK THAT HER
FLYING ABILITY WOULD HAVE MADE A
SIGNIFICANT DIFFERENCE IN THE
FLYING ABILITY WOULD HAVE MADE A
SIGNIFICANT DIFFERENCE IN THE
OUTCOME OF WORLD WAR II.
SIGNIFICANT DIFFERENCE IN THE
OUTCOME OF WORLD WAR II.
I BASICALLY AGREE, EXCEPT
OUTCOME OF WORLD WAR II.
I BASICALLY AGREE, EXCEPT
THAT IF ELEANOR HAD BEEN SHOT
I BASICALLY AGREE, EXCEPT
THAT IF ELEANOR HAD BEEN SHOT
DOWN BEFORE THE END OF 1943,
THAT IF ELEANOR HAD BEEN SHOT
DOWN BEFORE THE END OF 1943,
FRANKLIN PROBABLY WOULD'VE
DOWN BEFORE THE END OF 1943,
FRANKLIN PROBABLY WOULD'VE
MARRIED LUCY MERCER, SPENT LESS
FRANKLIN PROBABLY WOULD'VE
MARRIED LUCY MERCER, SPENT LESS
TIME ON THE WAR.
MARRIED LUCY MERCER, SPENT LESS
TIME ON THE WAR.
THANK YOU, MR. TEMPLE,
TIME ON THE WAR.
THANK YOU, MR. TEMPLE,
PROFESSOR REED.
THANK YOU, MR. TEMPLE,
PROFESSOR REED.
NOW FOR THE MAIL ON LAST WEEK'S
PROFESSOR REED.
NOW FOR THE MAIL ON LAST WEEK'S
SHOW.
NOW FOR THE MAIL ON LAST WEEK'S
SHOW.
WE GOT THIS FROM A
SHOW.
WE GOT THIS FROM A
MR. JEFFREY FREDERICK OF BOSTON,
WE GOT THIS FROM A
MR. JEFFREY FREDERICK OF BOSTON,
MASSACHUSETTS.
MR. JEFFREY FREDERICK OF BOSTON,
MASSACHUSETTS.
HE WRITES...
MR. FREDERICK, WE WENT BACK AND
RECHECKED OUR RESEARCH, AND WE
AT "WHAT IF?" STAND BY OUR
RECHECKED OUR RESEARCH, AND WE
AT "WHAT IF?" STAND BY OUR
STORY.
AT "WHAT IF?" STAND BY OUR
STORY.
WELL, THAT'S IT FOR TONIGHT.
STORY.
WELL, THAT'S IT FOR TONIGHT.
JOIN US NEXT WEEK, WHEN THEY
WELL, THAT'S IT FOR TONIGHT.
JOIN US NEXT WEEK, WHEN THEY
POSE THE QUESTION "WHAT IF
JOIN US NEXT WEEK, WHEN THEY
POSE THE QUESTION "WHAT IF
GEORGE WASHINGTON COULD MAKE
POSE THE QUESTION "WHAT IF
GEORGE WASHINGTON COULD MAKE
HIMSELF INVISIBLE AND HAD A
GEORGE WASHINGTON COULD MAKE
HIMSELF INVISIBLE AND HAD A
ROBOT FRIEND?"
HIMSELF INVISIBLE AND HAD A
ROBOT FRIEND?"
GOOD NIGHT.
[INDISTINCT TALKING]
I SAW HER CONSORTING WITH
THE DEVIL!
NO CALVES HAVE BEEN BORN
SINCE SHE MOVED HERE!
SHE'S A WITCH!
SINCE SHE MOVED HERE!
SHE'S A WITCH!
BURN HER!
SHE'S A WITCH!
BURN HER!
All: BURN HER! BURN HER!
BURN HER!
All: BURN HER! BURN HER!
QUIET!
All: BURN HER! BURN HER!
QUIET!
ARE WE BARBARIANS?
QUIET!
ARE WE BARBARIANS?
THIS IS THE 12th CENTURY!
ARE WE BARBARIANS?
THIS IS THE 12th CENTURY!
JUST AS LONG AS I AM THE
THIS IS THE 12th CENTURY!
JUST AS LONG AS I AM THE
JUSTICIAR IN THIS SHIRE,
JUST AS LONG AS I AM THE
JUSTICIAR IN THIS SHIRE,
EVERYONE WILL BE GIVEN A FAIR
JUSTICIAR IN THIS SHIRE,
EVERYONE WILL BE GIVEN A FAIR
TRIAL ACCORDING TO THE LAWS OF
EVERYONE WILL BE GIVEN A FAIR
TRIAL ACCORDING TO THE LAWS OF
ENGLAND.
HEAR YE.
BE IT KNOWN TO ALL THAT
THEODORIC OF YORK, THE JUSTICIAR
BE IT KNOWN TO ALL THAT
THEODORIC OF YORK, THE JUSTICIAR
OF THE REALM, WILL PRESIDE THIS
THEODORIC OF YORK, THE JUSTICIAR
OF THE REALM, WILL PRESIDE THIS
DAY TO HEAR ALL WRITS, ASSIZES,
OF THE REALM, WILL PRESIDE THIS
DAY TO HEAR ALL WRITS, ASSIZES,
SUITS, PLAINTS, AND CLAIMS OF
DAY TO HEAR ALL WRITS, ASSIZES,
SUITS, PLAINTS, AND CLAIMS OF
THE SHIRE.
SUITS, PLAINTS, AND CLAIMS OF
THE SHIRE.
NOW, WHO SAW THIS WOMAN
THE SHIRE.
NOW, WHO SAW THIS WOMAN
CONSORT WITH THE DEVIL?
NOW, WHO SAW THIS WOMAN
CONSORT WITH THE DEVIL?
IT WAS I, BRUNGILDA.
CONSORT WITH THE DEVIL?
IT WAS I, BRUNGILDA.
[LAUGHS]
IT WAS I, BRUNGILDA.
[LAUGHS]
I WAS DRIVING HOME THE ABBOT'S
[LAUGHS]
I WAS DRIVING HOME THE ABBOT'S
OXEN LAST NIGHT, AND I SAW HER
I WAS DRIVING HOME THE ABBOT'S
OXEN LAST NIGHT, AND I SAW HER
TALKING FREELY BY THE RIVER WITH
OXEN LAST NIGHT, AND I SAW HER
TALKING FREELY BY THE RIVER WITH
SATAN!
TALKING FREELY BY THE RIVER WITH
SATAN!
HOW DO YOU KNOW IT WAS SATAN?
SATAN!
HOW DO YOU KNOW IT WAS SATAN?
WHAT FORM DID HE TAKE?
HOW DO YOU KNOW IT WAS SATAN?
WHAT FORM DID HE TAKE?
A LEATHER-WINGED GRIFFIN.
WHAT FORM DID HE TAKE?
A LEATHER-WINGED GRIFFIN.
HMM.
A LEATHER-WINGED GRIFFIN.
HMM.
THAT'S THE DEVIL, ALL RIGHT.
HMM.
THAT'S THE DEVIL, ALL RIGHT.
HOW DO YOU ANSWER THESE CHARGES?
THAT'S THE DEVIL, ALL RIGHT.
HOW DO YOU ANSWER THESE CHARGES?
I WAS GATHERING WOOD WHEN A
HOW DO YOU ANSWER THESE CHARGES?
I WAS GATHERING WOOD WHEN A
WANDERING TROUBADOUR STOPPED AND
I WAS GATHERING WOOD WHEN A
WANDERING TROUBADOUR STOPPED AND
ASKED ME WHERE HE MIGHT FIND
WANDERING TROUBADOUR STOPPED AND
ASKED ME WHERE HE MIGHT FIND
FOOD.
ASKED ME WHERE HE MIGHT FIND
FOOD.
I TOLD HIM I KNEW NOT BUT
FOOD.
I TOLD HIM I KNEW NOT BUT
OFFERED HIM SOME GOOSE LIVER I
I TOLD HIM I KNEW NOT BUT
OFFERED HIM SOME GOOSE LIVER I
HAD IN MY POCKET.
OFFERED HIM SOME GOOSE LIVER I
HAD IN MY POCKET.
YOU LIE! YOU'RE A WITCH!
HAD IN MY POCKET.
YOU LIE! YOU'RE A WITCH!
THE LAW IS CLEAR!
YOU LIE! YOU'RE A WITCH!
THE LAW IS CLEAR!
THE LAW IS CLEAR IN SUCH
THE LAW IS CLEAR!
THE LAW IS CLEAR IN SUCH
MATTERS!
THE LAW IS CLEAR IN SUCH
MATTERS!
LET US CONSULT THE WRIT OF
MATTERS!
LET US CONSULT THE WRIT OF
COMMON WISDOM.
LET US CONSULT THE WRIT OF
COMMON WISDOM.
REEVE.
COMMON WISDOM.
REEVE.
THE WRIT OF COMMON WISDOM.
REEVE.
THE WRIT OF COMMON WISDOM.
OKAY, LET'S SEE.
THE WRIT OF COMMON WISDOM.
OKAY, LET'S SEE.
BEFOULMENT OF WELLS, BOAR
OKAY, LET'S SEE.
BEFOULMENT OF WELLS, BOAR
POACHING, CONSORTING WITH DANES,
BEFOULMENT OF WELLS, BOAR
POACHING, CONSORTING WITH DANES,
CONSORTING WITH S...
POACHING, CONSORTING WITH DANES,
CONSORTING WITH S...
AH. CONSORTING WITH THE DEVIL.
CONSORTING WITH S...
AH. CONSORTING WITH THE DEVIL.
ALL RIGHT, THIS IS VERY CLEAR IN
AH. CONSORTING WITH THE DEVIL.
ALL RIGHT, THIS IS VERY CLEAR IN
HERE, BUT IT'S IN LATIN, SO I'LL
ALL RIGHT, THIS IS VERY CLEAR IN
HERE, BUT IT'S IN LATIN, SO I'LL
PUT IT TO YOU IN LAYMAN'S
HERE, BUT IT'S IN LATIN, SO I'LL
PUT IT TO YOU IN LAYMAN'S
ENGLISH.
PUT IT TO YOU IN LAYMAN'S
ENGLISH.
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO THROW YOU
ENGLISH.
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO THROW YOU
IN THE TROUGH OF JUSTICE.
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO THROW YOU
IN THE TROUGH OF JUSTICE.
[INDISTINCT TALKING]
IN THE TROUGH OF JUSTICE.
[INDISTINCT TALKING]
THE LAW STATES THAT IF YOU ARE
[INDISTINCT TALKING]
THE LAW STATES THAT IF YOU ARE
GUILTY, YOU WILL FLOAT ON WATER,
THE LAW STATES THAT IF YOU ARE
GUILTY, YOU WILL FLOAT ON WATER,
AND IF YOU ARE INNOCENT,
GUILTY, YOU WILL FLOAT ON WATER,
AND IF YOU ARE INNOCENT,
YOU WILL SINK.
AND IF YOU ARE INNOCENT,
YOU WILL SINK.
SO YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR.
YOU WILL SINK.
SO YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR.
YOU SEE, IF THE ACCUSED FLOATS,
SO YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR.
YOU SEE, IF THE ACCUSED FLOATS,
IT MEANS THAT THE WATER HAS
YOU SEE, IF THE ACCUSED FLOATS,
IT MEANS THAT THE WATER HAS
REJECTED HER BODY.
IT MEANS THAT THE WATER HAS
REJECTED HER BODY.
OF COURSE, IF THE INNOCENT HERE
REJECTED HER BODY.
OF COURSE, IF THE INNOCENT HERE
SINKS, THAT MEANS THE WATER HAS
OF COURSE, IF THE INNOCENT HERE
SINKS, THAT MEANS THE WATER HAS
ACCEPTED HER BODY.
SINKS, THAT MEANS THE WATER HAS
ACCEPTED HER BODY.
THEREFORE, SHE IS INNOCENT.
ACCEPTED HER BODY.
THEREFORE, SHE IS INNOCENT.
AH! NOT GUILTY!
THEREFORE, SHE IS INNOCENT.
AH! NOT GUILTY!
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
AH! NOT GUILTY!
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
I WAS WRONG!
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
I WAS WRONG!
I MUST HAVE BEEN WRONG.
I WAS WRONG!
I MUST HAVE BEEN WRONG.
I WAS WRONG.
I MUST HAVE BEEN WRONG.
I WAS WRONG.
THE CASE OF SIMKIN OF
I WAS WRONG.
THE CASE OF SIMKIN OF
PUTTERIDGE VERSUS THE THANE OF
THE CASE OF SIMKIN OF
PUTTERIDGE VERSUS THE THANE OF
BRISBANE.
PUTTERIDGE VERSUS THE THANE OF
BRISBANE.
THE SHERIFF ARRESTED THIS SERF
BRISBANE.
THE SHERIFF ARRESTED THIS SERF
WHO HAD PURLOINED ONE OF THE
THE SHERIFF ARRESTED THIS SERF
WHO HAD PURLOINED ONE OF THE
THANE'S SWINE WHILE
WHO HAD PURLOINED ONE OF THE
THANE'S SWINE WHILE
IMPERSONATING A FREEMAN.
THANE'S SWINE WHILE
IMPERSONATING A FREEMAN.
MY LORD, THIS IS ALL FALSE.
IMPERSONATING A FREEMAN.
MY LORD, THIS IS ALL FALSE.
I WAS RETURNING CHARLOTTE TO THE
MY LORD, THIS IS ALL FALSE.
I WAS RETURNING CHARLOTTE TO THE
THANE.
I WAS RETURNING CHARLOTTE TO THE
THANE.
AND I REALLY WAS MADE A FREEMAN
THANE.
AND I REALLY WAS MADE A FREEMAN
YESTERDAY BY THIS TRAVELING
AND I REALLY WAS MADE A FREEMAN
YESTERDAY BY THIS TRAVELING
NOBLEMAN.
YESTERDAY BY THIS TRAVELING
NOBLEMAN.
HE SAID, "OH, YOU'RE FREE.
NOBLEMAN.
HE SAID, "OH, YOU'RE FREE.
GO ON AHEAD."
HE SAID, "OH, YOU'RE FREE.
GO ON AHEAD."
IF YOU LET ME GO ON BACK TO MY
GO ON AHEAD."
IF YOU LET ME GO ON BACK TO MY
HOME, I COULD COME BACK WITH THE
IF YOU LET ME GO ON BACK TO MY
HOME, I COULD COME BACK WITH THE
DOCUMENTS FOR YOU ON THIS.
HOME, I COULD COME BACK WITH THE
DOCUMENTS FOR YOU ON THIS.
DO YOU SWEAR BEFORE THIS
DOCUMENTS FOR YOU ON THIS.
DO YOU SWEAR BEFORE THIS
COURT THAT WHAT YOU SAY IS TRUE?
DO YOU SWEAR BEFORE THIS
COURT THAT WHAT YOU SAY IS TRUE?
YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT.
COURT THAT WHAT YOU SAY IS TRUE?
YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT.
WELL, THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO
YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT.
WELL, THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO
TELL.
WELL, THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO
TELL.
REMOVE HIS BOOTS.
TELL.
REMOVE HIS BOOTS.
TAKE THE PIG, WENCH!
REMOVE HIS BOOTS.
TAKE THE PIG, WENCH!
TAKE THE PIG!
TAKE THE PIG, WENCH!
TAKE THE PIG!
[PIG SQUEALING]
TAKE THE PIG!
[PIG SQUEALING]
YOU WILL TAKE 10 PACES ON THE
[PIG SQUEALING]
YOU WILL TAKE 10 PACES ON THE
BURNING COALS OF TRUTH.
YOU WILL TAKE 10 PACES ON THE
BURNING COALS OF TRUTH.
IF YOU ARE TELLING THE TRUTH,
BURNING COALS OF TRUTH.
IF YOU ARE TELLING THE TRUTH,
YOUR WOUNDS WILL NOT FESTER.
IF YOU ARE TELLING THE TRUTH,
YOUR WOUNDS WILL NOT FESTER.
10 PACES, HUH?
YOUR WOUNDS WILL NOT FESTER.
10 PACES, HUH?
LIKE SIX OR EIGHT WOULDN'T PROVE
10 PACES, HUH?
LIKE SIX OR EIGHT WOULDN'T PROVE
THE POINT.
ONE, TWO, THREE...
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
AAAH!
AAH!
AAAH!
ALL RIGHT.
AAAH!
ALL RIGHT.
I WAS LYING.
ALL RIGHT.
I WAS LYING.
I-I STOLE THE PIG.
I WAS LYING.
I-I STOLE THE PIG.
BUT I WAS SO HUNGRY, AND THE
I-I STOLE THE PIG.
BUT I WAS SO HUNGRY, AND THE
TAXES WERE SO GREAT.
BUT I WAS SO HUNGRY, AND THE
TAXES WERE SO GREAT.
PUT HIM ON THE RACK!
TAXES WERE SO GREAT.
PUT HIM ON THE RACK!
THE RACK!
PUT HIM ON THE RACK!
THE RACK!
PUT HIM ON THE RACK!
THE RACK!
PUT HIM ON THE RACK!
MY FEET!
PUT HIM ON THE RACK!
MY FEET!
PUT HIM ON THE RACK!
MY FEET!
PUT HIM ON THE RACK!
OH, MY FEET HURT!
PUT HIM ON THE RACK!
OH, MY FEET HURT!
OH!
OH, MY FEET HURT!
OH!
OH!
OH!
OH!
THIS HURTS WORSE THAN THE FEET!
OH!
THIS HURTS WORSE THAN THE FEET!
[GROANING]
THIS HURTS WORSE THAN THE FEET!
[GROANING]
SEND IN THE ACCUSED!
[GROANING]
SEND IN THE ACCUSED!
THE CASE OF JOHN THE TANNER
SEND IN THE ACCUSED!
THE CASE OF JOHN THE TANNER
VERSUS LORD COLCHESTER.
JOHN THE TANNER, YOU HAVE
STOOD TWICE BEFORE THIS COURT.
FIRST YOU WERE FOUND GUILTY OF
STOOD TWICE BEFORE THIS COURT.
FIRST YOU WERE FOUND GUILTY OF
THEFT, AND YOUR RIGHT ARM WAS
FIRST YOU WERE FOUND GUILTY OF
THEFT, AND YOUR RIGHT ARM WAS
CUT OFF.
THEFT, AND YOUR RIGHT ARM WAS
CUT OFF.
THEN YOU WERE FOUND GUILTY OF
CUT OFF.
THEN YOU WERE FOUND GUILTY OF
LYING, AND YOUR TONGUE WAS CUT
THEN YOU WERE FOUND GUILTY OF
LYING, AND YOUR TONGUE WAS CUT
OUT.
LYING, AND YOUR TONGUE WAS CUT
OUT.
NOW YOU STAND CHARGED AGAIN.
OUT.
NOW YOU STAND CHARGED AGAIN.
HOW DO YOU PLEAD?
NOW YOU STAND CHARGED AGAIN.
HOW DO YOU PLEAD?
[MUMBLING]
HOW DO YOU PLEAD?
[MUMBLING]
I SEE.
[MUMBLING]
I SEE.
AND OF WHAT IS THIS MAN ACCUSED?
I SEE.
AND OF WHAT IS THIS MAN ACCUSED?
ADULTERY, JUSTICIAR!
AND OF WHAT IS THIS MAN ACCUSED?
ADULTERY, JUSTICIAR!
LET'S SEE... ADULTERY...
ADULTERY, JUSTICIAR!
LET'S SEE... ADULTERY...
YOU WERE FOUND GUILTY OF THEFT,
LET'S SEE... ADULTERY...
YOU WERE FOUND GUILTY OF THEFT,
AND YOUR RIGHT ARM WAS CUT OFF.
YOU WERE FOUND GUILTY OF THEFT,
AND YOUR RIGHT ARM WAS CUT OFF.
YOU WERE FOUND GUILTY OF LYING,
AND YOUR RIGHT ARM WAS CUT OFF.
YOU WERE FOUND GUILTY OF LYING,
AND YOUR TONGUE WAS CUT OUT.
YOU WERE FOUND GUILTY OF LYING,
AND YOUR TONGUE WAS CUT OUT.
NOW ADULTERY.
AND YOUR TONGUE WAS CUT OUT.
NOW ADULTERY.
THE WRIT OF COMMON WISDOM!
NOW ADULTERY.
THE WRIT OF COMMON WISDOM!
THE WRIT OF COMMON WISDOM!
THE WRIT OF COMMON WISDOM!
THE WRIT OF COMMON WISDOM!
HMMM.
THE WRIT OF COMMON WISDOM!
HMMM.
THE PUNISHMENT FOR ADULTERY
HMMM.
THE PUNISHMENT FOR ADULTERY
IS...
THE PUNISHMENT FOR ADULTERY
IS...
OH, I CAN'T READ THIS PUBLICLY.
[GROANS]
[PEOPLE GROANING]
THEY TOLD ME MY DAUGHTER WAS
HERE.
SHE WAS ACCUSED OF CONSORTING
HERE.
SHE WAS ACCUSED OF CONSORTING
WITH THE DEVIL.
SHE WAS ACCUSED OF CONSORTING
WITH THE DEVIL.
CONGRATULATIONS.
WITH THE DEVIL.
CONGRATULATIONS.
SHE WAS FOUND INNOCENT.
CONGRATULATIONS.
SHE WAS FOUND INNOCENT.
OH, THANK GOD!
SHE WAS FOUND INNOCENT.
OH, THANK GOD!
WHERE IS SHE?
OH, THANK GOD!
WHERE IS SHE?
AT THE BOTTOM OF THE TROUGH
WHERE IS SHE?
AT THE BOTTOM OF THE TROUGH
OF JUSTICE.
AT THE BOTTOM OF THE TROUGH
OF JUSTICE.
YOU SEE, IF THE BODY IS ACCEPTED
OF JUSTICE.
YOU SEE, IF THE BODY IS ACCEPTED
BY THE WATER, THAT MEANS SHE'S
YOU SEE, IF THE BODY IS ACCEPTED
BY THE WATER, THAT MEANS SHE'S
NOT GUILTY.
BY THE WATER, THAT MEANS SHE'S
NOT GUILTY.
SHE'S DEAD!
NOT GUILTY.
SHE'S DEAD!
WELL, SHE MUST HAVE DROWNED
SHE'S DEAD!
WELL, SHE MUST HAVE DROWNED
FROM BEING UNDER THE WATER.
WELL, SHE MUST HAVE DROWNED
FROM BEING UNDER THE WATER.
YOU CALL THIS JUSTICE... AN
FROM BEING UNDER THE WATER.
YOU CALL THIS JUSTICE... AN
INNOCENT GIRL DEAD?
YOU CALL THIS JUSTICE... AN
INNOCENT GIRL DEAD?
YEAH.
INNOCENT GIRL DEAD?
YEAH.
HEY, GOD'S WILL.
YEAH.
HEY, GOD'S WILL.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST ADMIT IT?
HEY, GOD'S WILL.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST ADMIT IT?
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
WHY DON'T YOU JUST ADMIT IT?
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
DOING.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
DOING.
AND WHO ARE YOU TO INTERPRET
DOING.
AND WHO ARE YOU TO INTERPRET
GOD'S WILL?!
AND WHO ARE YOU TO INTERPRET
GOD'S WILL?!
YEAH, BY WHAT RIGHT?
GOD'S WILL?!
YEAH, BY WHAT RIGHT?
WELL, THE KING.
YEAH, BY WHAT RIGHT?
WELL, THE KING.
IT'S THE LAW.
WELL, THE KING.
IT'S THE LAW.
WELL, THE LAW IS WRONG!
IT'S THE LAW.
WELL, THE LAW IS WRONG!
THE LAW SHOULD BE CHANGED!
WELL, THE LAW IS WRONG!
THE LAW SHOULD BE CHANGED!
YOU KNOW, THERE IS A POINT IN
THE LAW SHOULD BE CHANGED!
YOU KNOW, THERE IS A POINT IN
WHAT SHE IS SAYING THERE, I
YOU KNOW, THERE IS A POINT IN
WHAT SHE IS SAYING THERE, I
THINK.
WHAT SHE IS SAYING THERE, I
THINK.
WAIT A MINUTE.
THINK.
WAIT A MINUTE.
PERHAPS SHE'S RIGHT.
WAIT A MINUTE.
PERHAPS SHE'S RIGHT.
MAYBE THE KING DOESN'T HAVE A
PERHAPS SHE'S RIGHT.
MAYBE THE KING DOESN'T HAVE A
MONOPOLY ON TRUTH.
MAYBE THE KING DOESN'T HAVE A
MONOPOLY ON TRUTH.
MAYBE EVERY MAN SHOULD BE JUDGED
MONOPOLY ON TRUTH.
MAYBE EVERY MAN SHOULD BE JUDGED
BY HIS PEERS.
MAYBE EVERY MAN SHOULD BE JUDGED
BY HIS PEERS.
A-A JURY OF HIS PEERS.
BY HIS PEERS.
A-A JURY OF HIS PEERS.
SIX GOOD MEN.
A-A JURY OF HIS PEERS.
SIX GOOD MEN.
NO, WAIT.
SIX GOOD MEN.
NO, WAIT.
EIGHT GOOD MEN.
NO, WAIT.
EIGHT GOOD MEN.
NO!
EIGHT GOOD MEN.
NO!
10 GOOD MEN!
NO!
10 GOOD MEN!
NO, THAT'S NOT ENOUGH.
10 GOOD MEN!
NO, THAT'S NOT ENOUGH.
LET'S SEE.
NO, THAT'S NOT ENOUGH.
LET'S SEE.
18 GOOD MEN!
LET'S SEE.
18 GOOD MEN!
NO, THAT'S TOO MANY.
18 GOOD MEN!
NO, THAT'S TOO MANY.
LET'S SEE.
NO, THAT'S TOO MANY.
LET'S SEE.
11 GOOD MEN!
LET'S SEE.
11 GOOD MEN!
WAIT... 13 GOOD MEN!
11 GOOD MEN!
WAIT... 13 GOOD MEN!
NO. 11 OR 13.
WAIT... 13 GOOD MEN!
NO. 11 OR 13.
IT REALLY DOESN'T MATTER. OKAY.
NO. 11 OR 13.
IT REALLY DOESN'T MATTER. OKAY.
BUT EVERY MAN SHOULD BE TRIED BY
IT REALLY DOESN'T MATTER. OKAY.
BUT EVERY MAN SHOULD BE TRIED BY
A JURY OF HIS PEERS AND BE EQUAL
BUT EVERY MAN SHOULD BE TRIED BY
A JURY OF HIS PEERS AND BE EQUAL
BEFORE THE LAW.
A JURY OF HIS PEERS AND BE EQUAL
BEFORE THE LAW.
AND PERHAPS EVERY MAN SHOULD BE
BEFORE THE LAW.
AND PERHAPS EVERY MAN SHOULD BE
FREE FROM CRUEL AND UNUSUAL
AND PERHAPS EVERY MAN SHOULD BE
FREE FROM CRUEL AND UNUSUAL
PUNISHMENT.
FREE FROM CRUEL AND UNUSUAL
PUNISHMENT.
NAH.
PUNISHMENT.
NAH.
THIS SHIRE COURT STANDS
NAH.
THIS SHIRE COURT STANDS
ADJOURNED!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
VAN MORRISON!
[APPLAUSE]
VAN MORRISON!
[APPLAUSE]
["WAVELENGTH" PLAYS SLOWLY]
[APPLAUSE]
["WAVELENGTH" PLAYS SLOWLY]
♪ THIS IS A SONG ABOUT ♪
["WAVELENGTH" PLAYS SLOWLY]
♪ THIS IS A SONG ABOUT ♪
♪ YOUR WAVELENGTH AND MY
♪ THIS IS A SONG ABOUT ♪
♪ YOUR WAVELENGTH AND MY
WAVELENGTH, BABY, BABY ♪
♪ WHEN THE HEART IS STRONG ♪
♪ YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU,
YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU ♪
♪ YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU,
YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU ♪
♪ YOU GET ME ON ♪
YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU ♪
♪ YOU GET ME ON ♪
♪ YOU GET ME ON YOUR WAVELENGTH,
♪ YOU GET ME ON ♪
♪ YOU GET ME ON YOUR WAVELENGTH,
BABY ♪
♪ YOU GET ME ON YOUR WAVELENGTH,
BABY ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
BABY ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA ♪
[TEMPO QUICKENS]
♪ WA-A-A-A-A-VELENGTH ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ MY WA-A-A-A-A-VELENGTH ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ MY WA-A-A-A-A-VELENGTH ♪
♪ SHE'LL NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ MY WA-A-A-A-A-VELENGTH ♪
♪ SHE'LL NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ SHE'LL NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ SHE'LL NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ SHE'LL NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ SHE'LL NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ WHEN I'M DOWN, YOU ALWAYS
♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ WHEN I'M DOWN, YOU ALWAYS
COMFORT ME ♪
♪ WHEN I'M DOWN, YOU ALWAYS
COMFORT ME ♪
♪ WHEN I'M LONELY, CHILD, YOU
COMFORT ME ♪
♪ WHEN I'M LONELY, CHILD, YOU
SEE ABOUT ME ♪
♪ WHEN I'M LONELY, CHILD, YOU
SEE ABOUT ME ♪
♪ YOU ARE EVERYWHERE YOU'RE
SEE ABOUT ME ♪
♪ YOU ARE EVERYWHERE YOU'RE
SUPPOSED TO BE ♪
♪ YOU ARE EVERYWHERE YOU'RE
SUPPOSED TO BE ♪
♪ AND I CAN GET YOUR STATION
SUPPOSED TO BE ♪
♪ AND I CAN GET YOUR STATION
WHEN I NEED REJUVENATION ♪
♪ AND I CAN GET YOUR STATION
WHEN I NEED REJUVENATION ♪
♪ MY WA-A-A-A-A-VELENGTH ♪
WHEN I NEED REJUVENATION ♪
♪ MY WA-A-A-A-A-VELENGTH ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ MY WA-A-A-A-A-VELENGTH ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ MY WA-A-A-A-A-VELENGTH ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ MY WA-A-A-A-A-VELENGTH ♪
♪ SHE'LL NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ MY WA-A-A-A-A-VELENGTH ♪
♪ SHE'LL NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ SHE'LL NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ SHE'LL NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ SHE'LL NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ SHE'LL NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
ALL RIGHT!
♪ NO, NO ♪
ALL RIGHT!
[GUITAR SOLO]
♪ I HEARD THE VOICE OF AMERICA
CALLIN' ON MY WAVELENGTH ♪
♪ MAN, IT WAS COMIN' OUT OF
CALLIN' ON MY WAVELENGTH ♪
♪ MAN, IT WAS COMIN' OUT OF
FRANKFURT AND MAINE ♪
♪ MAN, IT WAS COMIN' OUT OF
FRANKFURT AND MAINE ♪
♪ I HEARD THE VOICE OF AMERICA
FRANKFURT AND MAINE ♪
♪ I HEARD THE VOICE OF AMERICA
CALLIN' ON MY WAVELENGTH ♪
♪ I HEARD THE VOICE OF AMERICA
CALLIN' ON MY WAVELENGTH ♪
♪ SINGIN' "COME BACK, BABY, COME
CALLIN' ON MY WAVELENGTH ♪
♪ SINGIN' "COME BACK, BABY, COME
BACK ♪
♪ SINGIN' "COME BACK, BABY, COME
BACK ♪
♪ COME BACK, BABY, COME BACK" ♪
BACK ♪
♪ COME BACK, BABY, COME BACK" ♪
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ COME BACK, BABY, COME BACK" ♪
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ WON'T YOU SING THAT SONG
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ WON'T YOU SING THAT SONG
AGAIN FOR ME ♪
♪ WON'T YOU SING THAT SONG
AGAIN FOR ME ♪
♪ ABOUT MY LOVER, MY LOVER IN
AGAIN FOR ME ♪
♪ ABOUT MY LOVER, MY LOVER IN
THE GRASS, ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ ABOUT MY LOVER, MY LOVER IN
THE GRASS, ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ BABY, YOU, YOU HAVE TOLD ME
THE GRASS, ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ BABY, YOU, YOU HAVE TOLD ME
ABOUT MY DESTINY ♪
♪ BABY, YOU, YOU HAVE TOLD ME
ABOUT MY DESTINY ♪
♪ SINGIN' "COME BACK, BABY, COME
ABOUT MY DESTINY ♪
♪ SINGIN' "COME BACK, BABY, COME
BACK ♪
♪ SINGIN' "COME BACK, BABY, COME
BACK ♪
♪ COME BACK, BABY, COME BACK" ♪
BACK ♪
♪ COME BACK, BABY, COME BACK" ♪
♪ MY WA-A-A-A-A-VELENGTH ♪
♪ COME BACK, BABY, COME BACK" ♪
♪ MY WA-A-A-A-A-VELENGTH ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ MY WA-A-A-A-A-VELENGTH ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO ♪
♪ MY WA-A-A-A-A-VELENGTH ♪
♪ DO DO ♪
♪ MY WA-A-A-A-A-VELENGTH ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ MY WA-A-A-A-A-VELENGTH ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO ♪
♪ YOU NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ DO DO ♪
♪ YOU NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ YOU NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ SHE NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ SHE NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ SHE NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ SHE NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ SHE NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ SHE NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
WAIT A MINUTE.
♪ NO, NO ♪
WAIT A MINUTE.
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
WAIT A MINUTE.
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ SHE NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ SHE NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ WOULD YOU GET ME ON ♪
♪ SHE NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ WOULD YOU GET ME ON ♪
♪ GET ME ON YOUR WAVELENGTH? ♪
♪ WOULD YOU GET ME ON ♪
♪ GET ME ON YOUR WAVELENGTH? ♪
♪ AND I'LL SAY ♪
♪ GET ME ON YOUR WAVELENGTH? ♪
♪ AND I'LL SAY ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ AND I'LL SAY ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ SHE'LL NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ SHE'LL NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ WHEN SHE GETS ME ON ♪
♪ SHE'LL NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ WHEN SHE GETS ME ON ♪
♪ YOU GET ME ON YOUR
♪ WHEN SHE GETS ME ON ♪
♪ YOU GET ME ON YOUR
WAVELENGTH ♪
♪ YOU GET ME ON YOUR
WAVELENGTH ♪
♪ YOU GET ME ON ♪
WAVELENGTH ♪
♪ YOU GET ME ON ♪
♪ YOU GET ME ON YOUR
♪ YOU GET ME ON ♪
♪ YOU GET ME ON YOUR
WAVELENGTH, BABY ♪
♪ YOU GET ME ON YOUR
WAVELENGTH, BABY ♪
♪ WAVELENGTH, WAVELENGTH ♪
WAVELENGTH, BABY ♪
♪ WAVELENGTH, WAVELENGTH ♪
♪ GET ME ON YOUR WAVELENGTH ♪
♪ WAVELENGTH, WAVELENGTH ♪
♪ GET ME ON YOUR WAVELENGTH ♪
♪ GET ME ON YOUR WAVELENGTH ♪
♪ GET ME ON YOUR WAVELENGTH ♪
♪ GET ME ON YOUR WAVELENGTH ♪
♪ GET ME ♪
♪ GET ME ON YOUR WAVELENGTH ♪
♪ GET ME ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ GET ME ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
[SONG ENDS]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THE SURGEON GENERAL ANNOUNCES
A NEW ASIAN FLU SHOT.
THIS STORY AND MORE ON
A NEW ASIAN FLU SHOT.
THIS STORY AND MORE ON
"WEEKEND UPDATE."
THIS STORY AND MORE ON
"WEEKEND UPDATE."
Announcer: AND NOW
"WEEKEND UPDATE."
Announcer: AND NOW
"WEEKEND UPDATE," WITH THE
Announcer: AND NOW
"WEEKEND UPDATE," WITH THE
"WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM.
"WEEKEND UPDATE," WITH THE
"WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
"WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
COLONEL LINGUS, THE
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
COLONEL LINGUS, THE
SOUTHERN-FRIED CHICKEN THAT
COLONEL LINGUS, THE
SOUTHERN-FRIED CHICKEN THAT
TAKES A LICKIN'.
SOUTHERN-FRIED CHICKEN THAT
TAKES A LICKIN'.
HERE ARE BILL MURRAY AND
TAKES A LICKIN'.
HERE ARE BILL MURRAY AND
JANE CURTIN.
HERE ARE BILL MURRAY AND
JANE CURTIN.
GOOD EVENING.
JANE CURTIN.
GOOD EVENING.
I'M JANE CURTIN.
GOOD EVENING.
I'M JANE CURTIN.
HERE NOW THE NEWS.
I'M JANE CURTIN.
HERE NOW THE NEWS.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...
HERE NOW THE NEWS.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...
POPE JOHN PAUL II IS STILL
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...
POPE JOHN PAUL II IS STILL
ALIVE.
POPE JOHN PAUL II IS STILL
ALIVE.
WELL, 200-POUND PRESIDENT
ALIVE.
WELL, 200-POUND PRESIDENT
IDI AMIN OF UGANDA HAS
WELL, 200-POUND PRESIDENT
IDI AMIN OF UGANDA HAS
CHALLENGED TANZANIA'S
IDI AMIN OF UGANDA HAS
CHALLENGED TANZANIA'S
65-YEAR-OLD PRESIDENT
CHALLENGED TANZANIA'S
65-YEAR-OLD PRESIDENT
JULIUS NYERERE TO A BOXING MATCH
65-YEAR-OLD PRESIDENT
JULIUS NYERERE TO A BOXING MATCH
TO SETTLE THEIR TWO COUNTRIES'
JULIUS NYERERE TO A BOXING MATCH
TO SETTLE THEIR TWO COUNTRIES'
BORDER DISPUTE.
TO SETTLE THEIR TWO COUNTRIES'
BORDER DISPUTE.
WELL, AMIN MAY HAVE STARTED
BORDER DISPUTE.
WELL, AMIN MAY HAVE STARTED
SOMETHING, BECAUSE P.L.O. CHIEF
WELL, AMIN MAY HAVE STARTED
SOMETHING, BECAUSE P.L.O. CHIEF
YASSER ARAFAT HAS CHALLENGED
SOMETHING, BECAUSE P.L.O. CHIEF
YASSER ARAFAT HAS CHALLENGED
ISRAELI PRESIDENT MENACHEM BEGIN
YASSER ARAFAT HAS CHALLENGED
ISRAELI PRESIDENT MENACHEM BEGIN
TO ANOTHER SPORTING CONTEST.
ISRAELI PRESIDENT MENACHEM BEGIN
TO ANOTHER SPORTING CONTEST.
ARAFAT SUGGESTED THAT HE AND
TO ANOTHER SPORTING CONTEST.
ARAFAT SUGGESTED THAT HE AND
BEGIN SETTLE THE DISPUTE OVER
ARAFAT SUGGESTED THAT HE AND
BEGIN SETTLE THE DISPUTE OVER
THE WEST BANK BY SEEING WHO CAN
BEGIN SETTLE THE DISPUTE OVER
THE WEST BANK BY SEEING WHO CAN
GO THE LONGEST WITHOUT WASHING.
THE WEST BANK BY SEEING WHO CAN
GO THE LONGEST WITHOUT WASHING.
NOW HERE'S AN "UPDATE" FEATURE
GO THE LONGEST WITHOUT WASHING.
NOW HERE'S AN "UPDATE" FEATURE
THAT I REALLY GET A KICK OUT OF,
NOW HERE'S AN "UPDATE" FEATURE
THAT I REALLY GET A KICK OUT OF,
A LITTLE THING I LIKE TO CALL MY
THAT I REALLY GET A KICK OUT OF,
A LITTLE THING I LIKE TO CALL MY
"CELEBRITY CORNER," AND WELCOME
A LITTLE THING I LIKE TO CALL MY
"CELEBRITY CORNER," AND WELCOME
TO IT.
"CELEBRITY CORNER," AND WELCOME
TO IT.
WELL, THERE'S A NEW BLOCKBUSTER
TO IT.
WELL, THERE'S A NEW BLOCKBUSTER
MOVIE OUT.
WELL, THERE'S A NEW BLOCKBUSTER
MOVIE OUT.
IT'S A MONSTER. IT'S HUGE.
MOVIE OUT.
IT'S A MONSTER. IT'S HUGE.
IT'S "THE WIZ," AND I DON'T CARE
IT'S A MONSTER. IT'S HUGE.
IT'S "THE WIZ," AND I DON'T CARE
IF YOU'RE BLACK, YOU'RE WHITE,
IT'S "THE WIZ," AND I DON'T CARE
IF YOU'RE BLACK, YOU'RE WHITE,
OR YOU'RE PURPLE.
IF YOU'RE BLACK, YOU'RE WHITE,
OR YOU'RE PURPLE.
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE "THE WIZ", AND
OR YOU'RE PURPLE.
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE "THE WIZ", AND
ESPECIALLY ITS STAR, THE GIRL
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE "THE WIZ", AND
ESPECIALLY ITS STAR, THE GIRL
WHO PUTS THE FIZZ IN "THE WIZ,"
ESPECIALLY ITS STAR, THE GIRL
WHO PUTS THE FIZZ IN "THE WIZ,"
MISS DIANA ROSS.
WHO PUTS THE FIZZ IN "THE WIZ,"
MISS DIANA ROSS.
HEY.
MISS DIANA ROSS.
HEY.
WHO WANTS THAT WOMAN WITH THE
HEY.
WHO WANTS THAT WOMAN WITH THE
SKINNY LEGS?
WHO WANTS THAT WOMAN WITH THE
SKINNY LEGS?
WHO WANTS THAT WOMAN WITH THE
SKINNY LEGS?
WHO WANTS THAT WOMAN WITH THE
SKINNY LEGS?
WHO WANTS THAT WOMAN WITH THE
SKINNY LEGS?
I KNOW I DO.
SKINNY LEGS?
I KNOW I DO.
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL TONIGHT, DI.
I KNOW I DO.
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL TONIGHT, DI.
THANK YOU, BILL.
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL TONIGHT, DI.
THANK YOU, BILL.
I'D LOVE TO TAKE A TUMBLE IN THE
THANK YOU, BILL.
I'D LOVE TO TAKE A TUMBLE IN THE
HAY WITH YOU, TOO.
I'D LOVE TO TAKE A TUMBLE IN THE
HAY WITH YOU, TOO.
WELL, THANK YOU, DIANA.
HAY WITH YOU, TOO.
WELL, THANK YOU, DIANA.
THAT'S VERY KIND.
WELL, THANK YOU, DIANA.
THAT'S VERY KIND.
YOU KNOW, IF YOU'D TOLD ME FIVE
THAT'S VERY KIND.
YOU KNOW, IF YOU'D TOLD ME FIVE
YEARS AGO THAT THE PART OF
YOU KNOW, IF YOU'D TOLD ME FIVE
YEARS AGO THAT THE PART OF
DOROTHY WOULD BE PLAYED BY A
YEARS AGO THAT THE PART OF
DOROTHY WOULD BE PLAYED BY A
MATURE BLACK WOMAN, LET ALONE A
DOROTHY WOULD BE PLAYED BY A
MATURE BLACK WOMAN, LET ALONE A
FORMER SUPREME, I WOULDN'T HAVE
MATURE BLACK WOMAN, LET ALONE A
FORMER SUPREME, I WOULDN'T HAVE
BELIEVED IT.
FORMER SUPREME, I WOULDN'T HAVE
BELIEVED IT.
WELL, ME NEITHER, BILL.
BELIEVED IT.
WELL, ME NEITHER, BILL.
BUT WHEN THEY OFFERED ME THE
WELL, ME NEITHER, BILL.
BUT WHEN THEY OFFERED ME THE
MONEY, CHILD, I BELIEVED.
BUT WHEN THEY OFFERED ME THE
MONEY, CHILD, I BELIEVED.
I BELIEVED.
MONEY, CHILD, I BELIEVED.
I BELIEVED.
OKAY, A LITTLE CONSTRUCTIVE
I BELIEVED.
OKAY, A LITTLE CONSTRUCTIVE
CRITICISM, IF YOU CAN TAKE IT...
OKAY, A LITTLE CONSTRUCTIVE
CRITICISM, IF YOU CAN TAKE IT...
AND THE REALLY BIG STARS CAN,
CRITICISM, IF YOU CAN TAKE IT...
AND THE REALLY BIG STARS CAN,
WHICH IS GREAT.
AND THE REALLY BIG STARS CAN,
WHICH IS GREAT.
IN "THE WIZ," YOU KEPT WHINING,
WHICH IS GREAT.
IN "THE WIZ," YOU KEPT WHINING,
"I WANT TO GO HOME, I WANT TO GO
IN "THE WIZ," YOU KEPT WHINING,
"I WANT TO GO HOME, I WANT TO GO
HOME."
"I WANT TO GO HOME, I WANT TO GO
HOME."
I DON'T GET IT.
HOME."
I DON'T GET IT.
WHY DID YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO
I DON'T GET IT.
WHY DID YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO
HARLEM?
WHY DID YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO
HARLEM?
I MEAN, NO OFFENSE, BUT I FIND
HARLEM?
I MEAN, NO OFFENSE, BUT I FIND
HARLEM DEPRESSING.
I MEAN, NO OFFENSE, BUT I FIND
HARLEM DEPRESSING.
EVERYBODY'S INCREDIBLY POOR.
HARLEM DEPRESSING.
EVERYBODY'S INCREDIBLY POOR.
I MEAN, THE DRUGS ARE VERY
EVERYBODY'S INCREDIBLY POOR.
I MEAN, THE DRUGS ARE VERY
EXPENSIVE.
I MEAN, THE DRUGS ARE VERY
EXPENSIVE.
I ALWAYS GET RIPPED OFF EVERY
EXPENSIVE.
I ALWAYS GET RIPPED OFF EVERY
TIME I GO THERE.
I ALWAYS GET RIPPED OFF EVERY
TIME I GO THERE.
WELL, WE HAVE A SAYING UP
TIME I GO THERE.
WELL, WE HAVE A SAYING UP
THERE, BILL.
WELL, WE HAVE A SAYING UP
THERE, BILL.
"CAVEAT HONKY."
THERE, BILL.
"CAVEAT HONKY."
"LET THE HONKY BEWARE."
"CAVEAT HONKY."
"LET THE HONKY BEWARE."
TELL ME, WHAT WAS IT LIKE
"LET THE HONKY BEWARE."
TELL ME, WHAT WAS IT LIKE
DATING DAVID FROST?
TELL ME, WHAT WAS IT LIKE
DATING DAVID FROST?
I MEAN, IS HE A SNOB OR WHAT?
DATING DAVID FROST?
I MEAN, IS HE A SNOB OR WHAT?
YOU WERE ENGAGED TO HIM AT ONE
I MEAN, IS HE A SNOB OR WHAT?
YOU WERE ENGAGED TO HIM AT ONE
TIME, I KNOW, AND...
YOU WERE ENGAGED TO HIM AT ONE
TIME, I KNOW, AND...
UH, BILL, YOU'VE GOT ME
TIME, I KNOW, AND...
UH, BILL, YOU'VE GOT ME
CONFUSED WITH DIAHANN CARROLL.
UH, BILL, YOU'VE GOT ME
CONFUSED WITH DIAHANN CARROLL.
GEE, THAT'S RIGHT. SORRY.
CONFUSED WITH DIAHANN CARROLL.
GEE, THAT'S RIGHT. SORRY.
UH...
GEE, THAT'S RIGHT. SORRY.
UH...
YOU KNOW, I HATED HER SERIES,
UH...
YOU KNOW, I HATED HER SERIES,
"JULIA," DIDN'T YOU?
YOU KNOW, I HATED HER SERIES,
"JULIA," DIDN'T YOU?
YOU KNOW, DIANA, I HAVE SEEN THE
"JULIA," DIDN'T YOU?
YOU KNOW, DIANA, I HAVE SEEN THE
"WIZARD OF OZ" SO MANY TIMES.
YOU KNOW, DIANA, I HAVE SEEN THE
"WIZARD OF OZ" SO MANY TIMES.
I STILL WATCH IT EVERY YEAR.
"WIZARD OF OZ" SO MANY TIMES.
I STILL WATCH IT EVERY YEAR.
AND EVERY YEAR, IT STILL TEARS
I STILL WATCH IT EVERY YEAR.
AND EVERY YEAR, IT STILL TEARS
ME UP.
AND EVERY YEAR, IT STILL TEARS
ME UP.
NOW, I KNOW IT ISN'T IN YOUR
ME UP.
NOW, I KNOW IT ISN'T IN YOUR
VERSION, BUT, DIANA, WOULD YOU
NOW, I KNOW IT ISN'T IN YOUR
VERSION, BUT, DIANA, WOULD YOU
DO A FRIEND A FAVOR AND SING
VERSION, BUT, DIANA, WOULD YOU
DO A FRIEND A FAVOR AND SING
"SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW"?
DO A FRIEND A FAVOR AND SING
"SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW"?
UH, WELL, I-I DON'T KNOW.
"SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW"?
UH, WELL, I-I DON'T KNOW.
I-I DON'T THINK MY PRODUCERS
UH, WELL, I-I DON'T KNOW.
I-I DON'T THINK MY PRODUCERS
WOULD LIKE THAT, BILL.
I-I DON'T THINK MY PRODUCERS
WOULD LIKE THAT, BILL.
DIANA, I WILL GET DOWN ON MY
WOULD LIKE THAT, BILL.
DIANA, I WILL GET DOWN ON MY
KNEES FOR YOU.
DIANA, I WILL GET DOWN ON MY
KNEES FOR YOU.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
KNEES FOR YOU.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
PLEASE.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
PLEASE.
JUST OPEN THOSE PIPES AND LET
PLEASE.
JUST OPEN THOSE PIPES AND LET
OUT THAT BUBBLING BROWN SUGAR,
JUST OPEN THOSE PIPES AND LET
OUT THAT BUBBLING BROWN SUGAR,
WOULD YOU, HONEY, JUST FOR US?
OUT THAT BUBBLING BROWN SUGAR,
WOULD YOU, HONEY, JUST FOR US?
[CLEARS THROAT]
WOULD YOU, HONEY, JUST FOR US?
[CLEARS THROAT]
♪ SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW ♪
[CLEARS THROAT]
♪ SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW ♪
♪ BLUEBIRDS FLY ♪
♪ SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW ♪
♪ BLUEBIRDS FLY ♪
[SNIFFLES]
♪ BLUEBIRDS FLY ♪
[SNIFFLES]
♪ BIRDS FLY OVER THE
[SNIFFLES]
♪ BIRDS FLY OVER THE
RAINBOW ♪
♪ BIRDS FLY OVER THE
RAINBOW ♪
Both: ♪ THEN WHY, OH, WHY
RAINBOW ♪
Both: ♪ THEN WHY, OH, WHY
CAN'T I? ♪
Both: ♪ THEN WHY, OH, WHY
CAN'T I? ♪
[APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU, DIANA.
YOU'RE A BEAUTIFUL DOROTHY.
THANK YOU, TOO, BILL.
YOU'RE A BEAUTIFUL DOROTHY.
THANK YOU, TOO, BILL.
AND I OWE YOU ONE.
THANK YOU, TOO, BILL.
AND I OWE YOU ONE.
[CHUCKLES]
AND I OWE YOU ONE.
[CHUCKLES]
A TOUCHING SEGMENT THIS WEEK ON
[CHUCKLES]
A TOUCHING SEGMENT THIS WEEK ON
"CELEBRITY CORNER."
A TOUCHING SEGMENT THIS WEEK ON
"CELEBRITY CORNER."
BACK TO YOU, JANE.
"CELEBRITY CORNER."
BACK TO YOU, JANE.
[SNIFFLES]
EXPERIMENTS AT THE NATIONAL
DRUG CONTROL CENTER IN ATLANTA
THIS WEEK SHOWED THAT WHITE MICE
DRUG CONTROL CENTER IN ATLANTA
THIS WEEK SHOWED THAT WHITE MICE
WHO WERE GIVEN ANGEL DUST WERE
THIS WEEK SHOWED THAT WHITE MICE
WHO WERE GIVEN ANGEL DUST WERE
ARRESTED AND BOOKED FOR
WHO WERE GIVEN ANGEL DUST WERE
ARRESTED AND BOOKED FOR
POSSESSION TWICE AS MANY TIMES
ARRESTED AND BOOKED FOR
POSSESSION TWICE AS MANY TIMES
AS MICE WHO WERE GIVEN A
POSSESSION TWICE AS MANY TIMES
AS MICE WHO WERE GIVEN A
HARMLESS SUBSTITUTE.
AS MICE WHO WERE GIVEN A
HARMLESS SUBSTITUTE.
AT A JOINT CONVENTION IN
HARMLESS SUBSTITUTE.
AT A JOINT CONVENTION IN
CHICAGO THIS WEEK, THE
AT A JOINT CONVENTION IN
CHICAGO THIS WEEK, THE
PLANNED PARENTHOOD ASSOCIATION
CHICAGO THIS WEEK, THE
PLANNED PARENTHOOD ASSOCIATION
AND THE ZERO POPULATION GROWTH
PLANNED PARENTHOOD ASSOCIATION
AND THE ZERO POPULATION GROWTH
COMMITTEE MET AND COMPLETELY
AND THE ZERO POPULATION GROWTH
COMMITTEE MET AND COMPLETELY
DISAPPEARED.
COMMITTEE MET AND COMPLETELY
DISAPPEARED.
WELL, ONE OF THE BIG
DISAPPEARED.
WELL, ONE OF THE BIG
HARD-NEWS STORIES THIS WEEK IS
WELL, ONE OF THE BIG
HARD-NEWS STORIES THIS WEEK IS
IRAN.
HARD-NEWS STORIES THIS WEEK IS
IRAN.
EVERYONE SEEMS TO HATE THE SHAH,
IRAN.
EVERYONE SEEMS TO HATE THE SHAH,
AND WITH GOOD REASON, IT
EVERYONE SEEMS TO HATE THE SHAH,
AND WITH GOOD REASON, IT
APPEARS.
AND WITH GOOD REASON, IT
APPEARS.
AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL SAID HE IS
APPEARS.
AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL SAID HE IS
THE WORLD'S WORST HUMAN-RIGHTS
AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL SAID HE IS
THE WORLD'S WORST HUMAN-RIGHTS
OFFENDER.
THE WORLD'S WORST HUMAN-RIGHTS
OFFENDER.
1,000 PEOPLE HAVE BEEN KILLED
OFFENDER.
1,000 PEOPLE HAVE BEEN KILLED
THERE THIS MONTH, AND ONE THING
1,000 PEOPLE HAVE BEEN KILLED
THERE THIS MONTH, AND ONE THING
ABOUT THAT... YOU CANNOT REPLACE
THERE THIS MONTH, AND ONE THING
ABOUT THAT... YOU CANNOT REPLACE
PEOPLE.
ABOUT THAT... YOU CANNOT REPLACE
PEOPLE.
OUCH.
PEOPLE.
OUCH.
NOW, I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY
OUCH.
NOW, I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY
ABOUT HIS SHAHNESS, AND I WILL
NOW, I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY
ABOUT HIS SHAHNESS, AND I WILL
NOT BE SILENCED.
ABOUT HIS SHAHNESS, AND I WILL
NOT BE SILENCED.
[Middle Eastern accent] THE
NOT BE SILENCED.
[Middle Eastern accent] THE
SHAH IS A U.S. PUPPET!
[Middle Eastern accent] THE
SHAH IS A U.S. PUPPET!
DOWN WITH THE SHAH!
SHAH IS A U.S. PUPPET!
DOWN WITH THE SHAH!
HE TRADES IRAN'S OIL FOR GUNS
DOWN WITH THE SHAH!
HE TRADES IRAN'S OIL FOR GUNS
AND FIGHTER PLANES!
HE TRADES IRAN'S OIL FOR GUNS
AND FIGHTER PLANES!
TO SPEAK AGAINST THE SHAH IS TO
AND FIGHTER PLANES!
TO SPEAK AGAINST THE SHAH IS TO
RISK YOUR LIFE!
TO SPEAK AGAINST THE SHAH IS TO
RISK YOUR LIFE!
HIS SECRET POLICE ARE
RISK YOUR LIFE!
HIS SECRET POLICE ARE
EVERYWHERE!
HIS SECRET POLICE ARE
EVERYWHERE!
THEY IMPRISON AND TORTURE YOU!
EVERYWHERE!
THEY IMPRISON AND TORTURE YOU!
IT'S WORSE THAN
THEY IMPRISON AND TORTURE YOU!
IT'S WORSE THAN
"MIDNIGHT EXPRESS"!
IT'S WORSE THAN
"MIDNIGHT EXPRESS"!
AND IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT, YOU
"MIDNIGHT EXPRESS"!
AND IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT, YOU
ARE A FASCIST KNUCKLEHEAD!
AND IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT, YOU
ARE A FASCIST KNUCKLEHEAD!
NOW, THE U.S., YOU GET OUT OF
ARE A FASCIST KNUCKLEHEAD!
NOW, THE U.S., YOU GET OUT OF
IRAN, AND I MEAN IT, YOU
NOW, THE U.S., YOU GET OUT OF
IRAN, AND I MEAN IT, YOU
KNUCKLEHEADS!
IRAN, AND I MEAN IT, YOU
KNUCKLEHEADS!
BACK TO YOU, JANE.
ACCORDING TO A REPORT
RELEASED THIS WEEK BY THE
DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH, EDUCATION,
RELEASED THIS WEEK BY THE
DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH, EDUCATION,
AND WELFARE, 13% OF ALL AMERICAN
DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH, EDUCATION,
AND WELFARE, 13% OF ALL AMERICAN
ADULTS ARE FUNCTIONALLY
AND WELFARE, 13% OF ALL AMERICAN
ADULTS ARE FUNCTIONALLY
ILLITERATE.
ADULTS ARE FUNCTIONALLY
ILLITERATE.
FUNCTIONAL ILLITERACY PREVENTS
ILLITERATE.
FUNCTIONAL ILLITERACY PREVENTS
THESE PEOPLE FROM HOLDING ANY
FUNCTIONAL ILLITERACY PREVENTS
THESE PEOPLE FROM HOLDING ANY
JOB WHICH REQUIRES ANY KIND OF
THESE PEOPLE FROM HOLDING ANY
JOB WHICH REQUIRES ANY KIND OF
READING OR WRITING AND ALSO
JOB WHICH REQUIRES ANY KIND OF
READING OR WRITING AND ALSO
HINDERS THEIR NORMAL ACTIVITIES,
READING OR WRITING AND ALSO
HINDERS THEIR NORMAL ACTIVITIES,
SUCH AS DRIVING OR ORDERING IN
HINDERS THEIR NORMAL ACTIVITIES,
SUCH AS DRIVING OR ORDERING IN
RESTAURANTS.
SUCH AS DRIVING OR ORDERING IN
RESTAURANTS.
NOW, THIS IS THE SUBJECT OF
RESTAURANTS.
NOW, THIS IS THE SUBJECT OF
TONIGHT'S COMMENTARY.
NOW, THIS IS THE SUBJECT OF
TONIGHT'S COMMENTARY.
THE BIGGEST PROBLEM OF
TONIGHT'S COMMENTARY.
THE BIGGEST PROBLEM OF
ILLITERACY IS ONE OF
THE BIGGEST PROBLEM OF
ILLITERACY IS ONE OF
IDENTIFICATION.
ILLITERACY IS ONE OF
IDENTIFICATION.
ILLITERATES ARE ASHAMED AND LIVE
IDENTIFICATION.
ILLITERATES ARE ASHAMED AND LIVE
IN FEAR THAT SOMEONE WILL
ILLITERATES ARE ASHAMED AND LIVE
IN FEAR THAT SOMEONE WILL
DISCOVER THEIR SECRET.
THE SAD FACT IS THAT THESE
PEOPLE ARE TRAGIC VICTIMS OF OUR
EDUCATIONAL SYSTEM, WHICH
PROMOTES SLOWER STUDENTS TO A
HIGHER GRADE RATHER THAN DEALING
WITH THE PROBLEM AT HAND.
IF THE ROLE OF THE EDUCATIONAL
SYSTEM WAS BETTER UNDERSTOOD,
ILLITERACY WOULD NOT CARRY THE
STIGMA WHICH PREVENTS PEOPLE
FROM ADMITTING THAT THEY SIMPLY
CANNOT READ.
REMEDIAL PROGRAMS HAVE SHOWN TO
BE EFFECTIVE EVEN WITH THOSE WHO
HAVE BUT SCANT FORMAL EDUCATION.
OTHER CIVILIZATIONS...
SWITZERLAND AND THE SOVIET UNION
IN PARTICULAR... HAVE MADE
ENORMOUS STRIDES AGAINST THIS
SOCIAL EPIDEMIC, WHILE THE
UNITED STATES, AS DEVELOPED AS
WE ARE, FALLS DISGRACEFULLY
BEHIND.
THE ILLITERACY PROBLEM CAN BE
SOLVED, BUT FIRST WE MUST ADMIT
THAT IT EXISTS AND THEN ATTACK
IT SQUARELY AND FORTHRIGHTLY.
THANK YOU.
AND NOW HERE WITH HIS VIEW ON
THE UPCOMING ELECTION IS
"WEEKEND UPDATE'S" POLITICAL
ANALYST, JOHN BELUSHI.
JOHN.
THANK YOU, JANE.
HOW YOU DOING?
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
YOU KNOW, ON TUESDAY, WE ALL
HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY THAT DOESN'T
YOU KNOW, ON TUESDAY, WE ALL
HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY THAT DOESN'T
COME AROUND VERY OFTEN.
HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY THAT DOESN'T
COME AROUND VERY OFTEN.
I'M TALKING, OF COURSE, ABOUT
COME AROUND VERY OFTEN.
I'M TALKING, OF COURSE, ABOUT
OUR RIGHT TO VOTE...
I'M TALKING, OF COURSE, ABOUT
OUR RIGHT TO VOTE...
A RIGHT THAT MILLIONS OF
OUR RIGHT TO VOTE...
A RIGHT THAT MILLIONS OF
AMERICANS HAVE FOUGHT AND DIED
A RIGHT THAT MILLIONS OF
AMERICANS HAVE FOUGHT AND DIED
FOR.
AMERICANS HAVE FOUGHT AND DIED
FOR.
YET MANY AMERICANS DO NOT
FOR.
YET MANY AMERICANS DO NOT
EXERCISE THAT RIGHT.
YET MANY AMERICANS DO NOT
EXERCISE THAT RIGHT.
IN THE LAST ELECTION, 35% OF THE
EXERCISE THAT RIGHT.
IN THE LAST ELECTION, 35% OF THE
ELECTORATE ACTUALLY TURNED OUT.
IN THE LAST ELECTION, 35% OF THE
ELECTORATE ACTUALLY TURNED OUT.
NOW, SOME PEOPLE DON'T VOTE
ELECTORATE ACTUALLY TURNED OUT.
NOW, SOME PEOPLE DON'T VOTE
BECAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO.
NOW, SOME PEOPLE DON'T VOTE
BECAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO.
IT'S REALLY VERY EASY.
BECAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO.
IT'S REALLY VERY EASY.
NOW, IF YOU'RE CONFUSED ABOUT
IT'S REALLY VERY EASY.
NOW, IF YOU'RE CONFUSED ABOUT
WHERE OR WHEN TO VOTE, THERE ARE
NOW, IF YOU'RE CONFUSED ABOUT
WHERE OR WHEN TO VOTE, THERE ARE
LOTS OF PEOPLE YOU CAN ASK.
WHERE OR WHEN TO VOTE, THERE ARE
LOTS OF PEOPLE YOU CAN ASK.
FOR EXAMPLE, MOST TOWNS HAVE A
LOTS OF PEOPLE YOU CAN ASK.
FOR EXAMPLE, MOST TOWNS HAVE A
LEAGUE OF WOMEN VOTERS.
FOR EXAMPLE, MOST TOWNS HAVE A
LEAGUE OF WOMEN VOTERS.
YOU CAN CALL THEM.
LEAGUE OF WOMEN VOTERS.
YOU CAN CALL THEM.
OR JUST CALL CITY HALL.
YOU CAN CALL THEM.
OR JUST CALL CITY HALL.
OR JUST CALL UP INFORMATION.
OR JUST CALL CITY HALL.
OR JUST CALL UP INFORMATION.
THEY'LL TELL YOU WHO TO CALL.
OR JUST CALL UP INFORMATION.
THEY'LL TELL YOU WHO TO CALL.
THAT'S NOT SO HARD, IS IT?
THEY'LL TELL YOU WHO TO CALL.
THAT'S NOT SO HARD, IS IT?
I MEAN, ANY IDIOT CAN CALL 411.
THAT'S NOT SO HARD, IS IT?
I MEAN, ANY IDIOT CAN CALL 411.
SO THERE'S NO EXCUSE FOR VOTING,
I MEAN, ANY IDIOT CAN CALL 411.
SO THERE'S NO EXCUSE FOR VOTING,
RIGHT?
SO THERE'S NO EXCUSE FOR VOTING,
RIGHT?
I MEAN, YOU CAN VOTE WHEN YOU'RE
RIGHT?
I MEAN, YOU CAN VOTE WHEN YOU'RE
18 NOW.
I MEAN, YOU CAN VOTE WHEN YOU'RE
18 NOW.
I MEAN, I COULDN'T VOTE WHEN I
18 NOW.
I MEAN, I COULDN'T VOTE WHEN I
WAS 18.
I MEAN, I COULDN'T VOTE WHEN I
WAS 18.
I COULDN'T EVEN DRIVE WHEN I WAS
WAS 18.
I COULDN'T EVEN DRIVE WHEN I WAS
18.
I COULDN'T EVEN DRIVE WHEN I WAS
18.
I GOT MY LICENSE WHEN I WAS 16,
18.
I GOT MY LICENSE WHEN I WAS 16,
BUT THEY TOOK IT AWAY WHEN I WAS
I GOT MY LICENSE WHEN I WAS 16,
BUT THEY TOOK IT AWAY WHEN I WAS
18 'CAUSE I HAD TOO MANY
BUT THEY TOOK IT AWAY WHEN I WAS
18 'CAUSE I HAD TOO MANY
TICKETS.
18 'CAUSE I HAD TOO MANY
TICKETS.
THAT'S WHEN I WAS IN CHICAGO.
TICKETS.
THAT'S WHEN I WAS IN CHICAGO.
I JUST WENT BACK TO CHICAGO IN
THAT'S WHEN I WAS IN CHICAGO.
I JUST WENT BACK TO CHICAGO IN
1976.
I JUST WENT BACK TO CHICAGO IN
1976.
AND I SAW MY FRIEND
1976.
AND I SAW MY FRIEND
STEVE BUSHEKAS.
AND I SAW MY FRIEND
STEVE BUSHEKAS.
I SAID, "STEVE, STEVE, WHO DID
STEVE BUSHEKAS.
I SAID, "STEVE, STEVE, WHO DID
YOU VOTE FOR, FORD OR CARTER?"
I SAID, "STEVE, STEVE, WHO DID
YOU VOTE FOR, FORD OR CARTER?"
HE SAID, "I DIDN'T VOTE.
YOU VOTE FOR, FORD OR CARTER?"
HE SAID, "I DIDN'T VOTE.
ALL POLITICIANS ARE THE SAME."
HE SAID, "I DIDN'T VOTE.
ALL POLITICIANS ARE THE SAME."
I SAID, "WHO DO YOU THINK MAKES
ALL POLITICIANS ARE THE SAME."
I SAID, "WHO DO YOU THINK MAKES
THE LAWS, STEVE?!
I SAID, "WHO DO YOU THINK MAKES
THE LAWS, STEVE?!
POLITICIANS!"
THE LAWS, STEVE?!
POLITICIANS!"
HE SAID, "IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY
POLITICIANS!"
HE SAID, "IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY
DIFFERENCE."
HE SAID, "IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY
DIFFERENCE."
I SAID, "DOESN'T MAKE ANY
DIFFERENCE."
I SAID, "DOESN'T MAKE ANY
DIFFERENCE?"
I SAID, "DOESN'T MAKE ANY
DIFFERENCE?"
POSSESSION OF AN OUNCE IS A
DIFFERENCE?"
POSSESSION OF AN OUNCE IS A
MISDEMEANOR NOW.
POSSESSION OF AN OUNCE IS A
MISDEMEANOR NOW.
YOU KNOW HOW FAR WE'VE COME?
MISDEMEANOR NOW.
YOU KNOW HOW FAR WE'VE COME?
THERE'S STILL SOME PEOPLE IN
YOU KNOW HOW FAR WE'VE COME?
THERE'S STILL SOME PEOPLE IN
PRISON IN TEXAS EATING RATS
THERE'S STILL SOME PEOPLE IN
PRISON IN TEXAS EATING RATS
BECAUSE THEY WERE CAUGHT WITH A
PRISON IN TEXAS EATING RATS
BECAUSE THEY WERE CAUGHT WITH A
SEED IN 1965!
BECAUSE THEY WERE CAUGHT WITH A
SEED IN 1965!
LOOK...
SEED IN 1965!
LOOK...
LOOK, IN EUROPE... IN EUROPE...
LOOK...
LOOK, IN EUROPE... IN EUROPE...
IN AMSTERDAM, EVERYBODY VOTES
LOOK, IN EUROPE... IN EUROPE...
IN AMSTERDAM, EVERYBODY VOTES
THERE, AND THEY SMOKE HASH IN
IN AMSTERDAM, EVERYBODY VOTES
THERE, AND THEY SMOKE HASH IN
THE STREETS!
THERE, AND THEY SMOKE HASH IN
THE STREETS!
SO DON'T TELL ME IT DOESN'T MAKE
THE STREETS!
SO DON'T TELL ME IT DOESN'T MAKE
A DIFFERENCE!
SO DON'T TELL ME IT DOESN'T MAKE
A DIFFERENCE!
NO!
A DIFFERENCE!
NO!
I GOT THIS TO SAY, AND I'M GONNA
NO!
I GOT THIS TO SAY, AND I'M GONNA
SAY IT!
I GOT THIS TO SAY, AND I'M GONNA
SAY IT!
WHY AM I UP HERE, WASTING MY
SAY IT!
WHY AM I UP HERE, WASTING MY
VALUABLE TIME TELLING YOU THIS?
WHY AM I UP HERE, WASTING MY
VALUABLE TIME TELLING YOU THIS?
TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I'D
VALUABLE TIME TELLING YOU THIS?
TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I'D
RATHER BE OUT SMOKING HASH ON
TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I'D
RATHER BE OUT SMOKING HASH ON
THE STREET!
RATHER BE OUT SMOKING HASH ON
THE STREET!
I COULD BE... I COULD BE OUT
THE STREET!
I COULD BE... I COULD BE OUT
SMOKING HASH ON THE STREET, BUT
I COULD BE... I COULD BE OUT
SMOKING HASH ON THE STREET, BUT
N-O-O-O-O-O-O!
SMOKING HASH ON THE STREET, BUT
N-O-O-O-O-O-O!
I GOT TO BE HERE TO CAJOLE YOU
N-O-O-O-O-O-O!
I GOT TO BE HERE TO CAJOLE YOU
LAME-Os BECAUSE OUR FOREIGN
I GOT TO BE HERE TO CAJOLE YOU
LAME-Os BECAUSE OUR FOREIGN
PUBLIC IS THE ONLY HOPE WE HAVE
LAME-Os BECAUSE OUR FOREIGN
PUBLIC IS THE ONLY HOPE WE HAVE
IF WE WANT TO SMOKE HASH IN THE
PUBLIC IS THE ONLY HOPE WE HAVE
IF WE WANT TO SMOKE HASH IN THE
STREET!
IF WE WANT TO SMOKE HASH IN THE
STREET!
JOHN!
STREET!
JOHN!
CURTIN!
JOHN!
CURTIN!
NOW, YOU JUST LOOK AT THE
CURTIN!
NOW, YOU JUST LOOK AT THE
COMMUNIST COUNTRIES!
NOW, YOU JUST LOOK AT THE
COMMUNIST COUNTRIES!
I'VE BEEN THERE!
COMMUNIST COUNTRIES!
I'VE BEEN THERE!
I'VE BEEN TO MEXICO AND CANADA!
I'VE BEEN THERE!
I'VE BEEN TO MEXICO AND CANADA!
AND THEY'D JUMP AT THE RIGHT TO
I'VE BEEN TO MEXICO AND CANADA!
AND THEY'D JUMP AT THE RIGHT TO
VOTE!
AND THEY'D JUMP AT THE RIGHT TO
VOTE!
AND SUPPOSE NOBODY VOTED ON
VOTE!
AND SUPPOSE NOBODY VOTED ON
TUESDAY!
AND SUPPOSE NOBODY VOTED ON
TUESDAY!
THEN WHERE WOULD WE BE?!
TUESDAY!
THEN WHERE WOULD WE BE?!
THE RUSSIANS WOULD BE ALL OVER
THEN WHERE WOULD WE BE?!
THE RUSSIANS WOULD BE ALL OVER
US THE NEXT DAY!
THE RUSSIANS WOULD BE ALL OVER
US THE NEXT DAY!
YOU THINK THEY'D PASS UP A
US THE NEXT DAY!
YOU THINK THEY'D PASS UP A
CHANCE LIKE THAT?!
YOU THINK THEY'D PASS UP A
CHANCE LIKE THAT?!
NOT ON YOUR LIFE!
CHANCE LIKE THAT?!
NOT ON YOUR LIFE!
THERE'D BE SOME COMMIE GOON
NOT ON YOUR LIFE!
THERE'D BE SOME COMMIE GOON
KICKING DOWN YOUR DOOR, CHOPPING
THERE'D BE SOME COMMIE GOON
KICKING DOWN YOUR DOOR, CHOPPING
YOUR RADIO WITH AN AX!
KICKING DOWN YOUR DOOR, CHOPPING
YOUR RADIO WITH AN AX!
HOW'D YOU LIKE TO DRIVE TO WORK
YOUR RADIO WITH AN AX!
HOW'D YOU LIKE TO DRIVE TO WORK
SOMEDAY AND ALL THE STREET SIGNS
HOW'D YOU LIKE TO DRIVE TO WORK
SOMEDAY AND ALL THE STREET SIGNS
ARE WRITTEN IN MONGOLIAN, HUH?!
SOMEDAY AND ALL THE STREET SIGNS
ARE WRITTEN IN MONGOLIAN, HUH?!
CAN YOU READ MONGOLIAN?!
ARE WRITTEN IN MONGOLIAN, HUH?!
CAN YOU READ MONGOLIAN?!
I CAN'T!
CAN YOU READ MONGOLIAN?!
I CAN'T!
NOT EVEN LITERATES CAN READ
I CAN'T!
NOT EVEN LITERATES CAN READ
MONGOLIAN!
NOT EVEN LITERATES CAN READ
MONGOLIAN!
ONLY MONGOLIANS CAN READ
MONGOLIAN!
ONLY MONGOLIANS CAN READ
MONGOLIAN!
ONLY MONGOLIANS CAN READ
MONGOLIAN!
HAVE YOU EVER SMOKED MONGOLIAN
MONGOLIAN!
HAVE YOU EVER SMOKED MONGOLIAN
HASH?!
HAVE YOU EVER SMOKED MONGOLIAN
HASH?!
HUH?!
HASH?!
HUH?!
YOU DON'T EVEN GET HIGH!
HUH?!
YOU DON'T EVEN GET HIGH!
IT GIVES YOU A HEADACHE!
YOU DON'T EVEN GET HIGH!
IT GIVES YOU A HEADACHE!
AND THEN YOUR HEART STARTS
IT GIVES YOU A HEADACHE!
AND THEN YOUR HEART STARTS
BEATING!
AND THEN YOUR HEART STARTS
BEATING!
YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA DIE!
BEATING!
YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA DIE!
I WANT HEART DRUGS!
YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA DIE!
I WANT HEART DRUGS!
I WANT...
THAT'S THE NEWS.
GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT
TOMORROW.
HEY, DEBBIE, THIS LOOKS LIKE
A GREAT PLACE.
IT'S QUIET, NOT TOO CROWDED.
A GREAT PLACE.
IT'S QUIET, NOT TOO CROWDED.
YEAH, YOU KNOW, THEY REALLY
IT'S QUIET, NOT TOO CROWDED.
YEAH, YOU KNOW, THEY REALLY
FIXED IT UP.
YEAH, YOU KNOW, THEY REALLY
FIXED IT UP.
IT USED TO BE A BLARNEY STONE,
FIXED IT UP.
IT USED TO BE A BLARNEY STONE,
YOU KNOW?
IT USED TO BE A BLARNEY STONE,
YOU KNOW?
ONE OF THOSE IRISH
YOU KNOW?
ONE OF THOSE IRISH
ROAST-BEEF-AND-WHISKEY BARS.
ONE OF THOSE IRISH
ROAST-BEEF-AND-WHISKEY BARS.
I REALLY LIKE THAT BARTENDER.
HI, GIRLS. WELCOME TO MIXERS.
WHAT CAN I GET YOU?
A WHISKEY SOUR.
WHAT CAN I GET YOU?
A WHISKEY SOUR.
GIN FIZZ.
A WHISKEY SOUR.
GIN FIZZ.
RUSTY NAIL.
GIN FIZZ.
RUSTY NAIL.
SOUR, FIZZ, AND A NAIL.
RUSTY NAIL.
SOUR, FIZZ, AND A NAIL.
[SNAPS FINGERS]
SOUR, FIZZ, AND A NAIL.
[SNAPS FINGERS]
EXCUSE ME, LADIES, UH, CAN
[SNAPS FINGERS]
EXCUSE ME, LADIES, UH, CAN
YOU HELP ME WITH A LITTLE
EXCUSE ME, LADIES, UH, CAN
YOU HELP ME WITH A LITTLE
PROBLEM THAT I HAVE?
YOU HELP ME WITH A LITTLE
PROBLEM THAT I HAVE?
YEAH. WHAT IS IT?
PROBLEM THAT I HAVE?
YEAH. WHAT IS IT?
WELL, YOU SEE, I'M ON A LARGE
YEAH. WHAT IS IT?
WELL, YOU SEE, I'M ON A LARGE
COMPANY EXPENSE TAB THIS WEEK,
WELL, YOU SEE, I'M ON A LARGE
COMPANY EXPENSE TAB THIS WEEK,
AND IF I SPEND LESS THAN 50
COMPANY EXPENSE TAB THIS WEEK,
AND IF I SPEND LESS THAN 50
BUCKS TONIGHT, THEY'RE GONNA
AND IF I SPEND LESS THAN 50
BUCKS TONIGHT, THEY'RE GONNA
START CUTTING ME.
BUCKS TONIGHT, THEY'RE GONNA
START CUTTING ME.
SO, UH...
START CUTTING ME.
SO, UH...
I'M GONNA HAVE TO BUY YOU GIRLS
SO, UH...
I'M GONNA HAVE TO BUY YOU GIRLS
A DRINK, HUH?
I'M GONNA HAVE TO BUY YOU GIRLS
A DRINK, HUH?
THANKS, BUT NO, THANKS.
A DRINK, HUH?
THANKS, BUT NO, THANKS.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA GET OFF THAT
THANKS, BUT NO, THANKS.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA GET OFF THAT
EASY.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA GET OFF THAT
EASY.
I'LL BE BACK.
EASY.
I'LL BE BACK.
GOD, I HOPE WE DO BETTER THAN
I'LL BE BACK.
GOD, I HOPE WE DO BETTER THAN
HIM TONIGHT.
GOD, I HOPE WE DO BETTER THAN
HIM TONIGHT.
RELAX.
HIM TONIGHT.
RELAX.
HE'S PROBABLY FROM OUT OF TOWN.
RELAX.
HE'S PROBABLY FROM OUT OF TOWN.
PROBABLY READ ABOUT THE PLACE.
HE'S PROBABLY FROM OUT OF TOWN.
PROBABLY READ ABOUT THE PLACE.
DON'T WORRY.
PROBABLY READ ABOUT THE PLACE.
DON'T WORRY.
OUR HIP CROWD HASN'T COME IN
DON'T WORRY.
OUR HIP CROWD HASN'T COME IN
YET.
OUR HIP CROWD HASN'T COME IN
YET.
THANKS.
YET.
THANKS.
SURE THING.
[Czech accent] HI, TED!
GET OFF MY BACK!
[Czech accent] EAT MY DUST.
GET OFF MY BACK!
[Czech accent] EAT MY DUST.
HOW ABOUT IT?
[Czech accent] EAT MY DUST.
HOW ABOUT IT?
CAN I GET YOU MEN SOMETHING?
HOW ABOUT IT?
CAN I GET YOU MEN SOMETHING?
THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM.
CAN I GET YOU MEN SOMETHING?
THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM.
ONE IS PLENTY!
THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM.
ONE IS PLENTY!
HOW ABOUT A COUPLE OF
ONE IS PLENTY!
HOW ABOUT A COUPLE OF
BREWSKIES, FELLAS?
HOW ABOUT A COUPLE OF
BREWSKIES, FELLAS?
DON'T MENTION IT.
BREWSKIES, FELLAS?
DON'T MENTION IT.
[BOTH LAUGH]
DON'T MENTION IT.
[BOTH LAUGH]
HEY, TED, I'M TELLING YOU
[BOTH LAUGH]
HEY, TED, I'M TELLING YOU
SOMETHING NOW.
HEY, TED, I'M TELLING YOU
SOMETHING NOW.
ALL NIGHT, WE HAVE CRUISED THE
SOMETHING NOW.
ALL NIGHT, WE HAVE CRUISED THE
FOX BARS, AND YET, NO CHICKS
ALL NIGHT, WE HAVE CRUISED THE
FOX BARS, AND YET, NO CHICKS
WOULD AGREE TO SWING WITH US.
FOX BARS, AND YET, NO CHICKS
WOULD AGREE TO SWING WITH US.
THEY WERE FRIGHTENED BY OUR
WOULD AGREE TO SWING WITH US.
THEY WERE FRIGHTENED BY OUR
BULGES.
THEY WERE FRIGHTENED BY OUR
BULGES.
SURE IT WAS THE BULGES AND
BULGES.
SURE IT WAS THE BULGES AND
NOT THOSE HATS?
SURE IT WAS THE BULGES AND
NOT THOSE HATS?
HATS?
NOT THOSE HATS?
HATS?
WE BROUGHT THEM WITH US.
HATS?
WE BROUGHT THEM WITH US.
AND OUR TOOTHBRUSHES.
WE BROUGHT THEM WITH US.
AND OUR TOOTHBRUSHES.
TOOTHBRUSHES?
AND OUR TOOTHBRUSHES.
TOOTHBRUSHES?
WE HAVE MANY TOILETRY
TOOTHBRUSHES?
WE HAVE MANY TOILETRY
ARTICLES AND TRAVEL KITS THAT WE
WE HAVE MANY TOILETRY
ARTICLES AND TRAVEL KITS THAT WE
CARRY WITH US ALL THE TIME.
ARTICLES AND TRAVEL KITS THAT WE
CARRY WITH US ALL THE TIME.
YOU SEE, THIS PREPARES US FOR
CARRY WITH US ALL THE TIME.
YOU SEE, THIS PREPARES US FOR
A NIGHT AT ANY GIVEN FOX'S PAD.
YOU SEE, THIS PREPARES US FOR
A NIGHT AT ANY GIVEN FOX'S PAD.
WELL, I SEE YOU'RE FULLY
A NIGHT AT ANY GIVEN FOX'S PAD.
WELL, I SEE YOU'RE FULLY
EQUIPPED.
WELL, I SEE YOU'RE FULLY
EQUIPPED.
THERE'S THREE CHICKS RIGHT OVER
EQUIPPED.
THERE'S THREE CHICKS RIGHT OVER
THERE WHO SEEM TO BE AVAILABLE.
THERE'S THREE CHICKS RIGHT OVER
THERE WHO SEEM TO BE AVAILABLE.
Both: FOXES!
THERE WHO SEEM TO BE AVAILABLE.
Both: FOXES!
PARDON ME FOR A MOMENT.
Both: FOXES!
PARDON ME FOR A MOMENT.
HERE'S SOMETHING.
PARDON ME FOR A MOMENT.
HERE'S SOMETHING.
I'M YORTUK FESTRUNK, AND THIS IS
HERE'S SOMETHING.
I'M YORTUK FESTRUNK, AND THIS IS
MY BROTHER, GEORG.
I'M YORTUK FESTRUNK, AND THIS IS
MY BROTHER, GEORG.
WE'RE TWO SWINGING GUYS WHO
MY BROTHER, GEORG.
WE'RE TWO SWINGING GUYS WHO
ENJOY DOING MANY THINGS AND CAN
WE'RE TWO SWINGING GUYS WHO
ENJOY DOING MANY THINGS AND CAN
COME ON TO YOU NOW.
ENJOY DOING MANY THINGS AND CAN
COME ON TO YOU NOW.
WE ARE TWO WILD AND CRAZY
COME ON TO YOU NOW.
WE ARE TWO WILD AND CRAZY
GUYS!
WE ARE TWO WILD AND CRAZY
GUYS!
WELL, IN ORDER FOR YOU TO SEE
GUYS!
WELL, IN ORDER FOR YOU TO SEE
HOW SWINGING WE ARE IN AMERICA,
WELL, IN ORDER FOR YOU TO SEE
HOW SWINGING WE ARE IN AMERICA,
WE MUST HAVE A SWINGING RAP
HOW SWINGING WE ARE IN AMERICA,
WE MUST HAVE A SWINGING RAP
SESSION HERE AT THE BAR.
WE MUST HAVE A SWINGING RAP
SESSION HERE AT THE BAR.
SO, TELL US YOUR NAMES.
SESSION HERE AT THE BAR.
SO, TELL US YOUR NAMES.
UH, I'M DEBBIE.
SO, TELL US YOUR NAMES.
UH, I'M DEBBIE.
I'M GAYLE.
UH, I'M DEBBIE.
I'M GAYLE.
LINDA.
I'M GAYLE.
LINDA.
CLEAN UP YOUR ACT.
LINDA.
CLEAN UP YOUR ACT.
CATCH YOU LATER!
CLEAN UP YOUR ACT.
CATCH YOU LATER!
[BOTH LAUGH]
CATCH YOU LATER!
[BOTH LAUGH]
WELL, DEBBIE, GAYLE, LINDA, NOW
[BOTH LAUGH]
WELL, DEBBIE, GAYLE, LINDA, NOW
THAT WE KNOW YOUR NAMES, LET US
WELL, DEBBIE, GAYLE, LINDA, NOW
THAT WE KNOW YOUR NAMES, LET US
START A SWINGING RAP SESSION.
THAT WE KNOW YOUR NAMES, LET US
START A SWINGING RAP SESSION.
TELL ME, DEBBIE, WHEN YOU
START A SWINGING RAP SESSION.
TELL ME, DEBBIE, WHEN YOU
HAVE SEX, ARE YOU LOUD?
TELL ME, DEBBIE, WHEN YOU
HAVE SEX, ARE YOU LOUD?
LINDA, DO YOU MAKE MANY
HAVE SEX, ARE YOU LOUD?
LINDA, DO YOU MAKE MANY
NOISES?
LINDA, DO YOU MAKE MANY
NOISES?
EXCUSE ME, BUT WHAT RIGHT DO
NOISES?
EXCUSE ME, BUT WHAT RIGHT DO
YOU GUYS HAVE TO ASK US PERSONAL
EXCUSE ME, BUT WHAT RIGHT DO
YOU GUYS HAVE TO ASK US PERSONAL
QUESTIONS LIKE THAT?
YOU GUYS HAVE TO ASK US PERSONAL
QUESTIONS LIKE THAT?
HEY, ARE THESE GUYS BOTHERING
QUESTIONS LIKE THAT?
HEY, ARE THESE GUYS BOTHERING
YOU?
HEY, ARE THESE GUYS BOTHERING
YOU?
OH, GREAT... OUR HERO.
YOU?
OH, GREAT... OUR HERO.
HI, SWINGER!
OH, GREAT... OUR HERO.
HI, SWINGER!
WHY DON'T YOU BUY A DRINK FOR
HI, SWINGER!
WHY DON'T YOU BUY A DRINK FOR
YOURSELF AND ENJOY IT?
WHY DON'T YOU BUY A DRINK FOR
YOURSELF AND ENJOY IT?
NAME'S GLENN JOHNSON.
YOURSELF AND ENJOY IT?
NAME'S GLENN JOHNSON.
I DON'T LIKE YOUR TONE.
NAME'S GLENN JOHNSON.
I DON'T LIKE YOUR TONE.
TONE?
I DON'T LIKE YOUR TONE.
TONE?
COUNT ME IN, GLENN!
TONE?
COUNT ME IN, GLENN!
OKAY, BUDDY, IT'S GO TIME.
COUNT ME IN, GLENN!
OKAY, BUDDY, IT'S GO TIME.
LET'S GO. COME ON.
OKAY, BUDDY, IT'S GO TIME.
LET'S GO. COME ON.
HEY, GO TIME!
LET'S GO. COME ON.
HEY, GO TIME!
OH, BOY!
HEY, GO TIME!
OH, BOY!
GO TIME!
OH, BOY!
GO TIME!
[LAUGHS]
GO TIME!
[LAUGHS]
THERE WILL BE A PARTY
[LAUGHS]
THERE WILL BE A PARTY
TONIGHT, GLENN.
THERE WILL BE A PARTY
TONIGHT, GLENN.
OKAY, BUDDY, WHY DON'T YOU
TONIGHT, GLENN.
OKAY, BUDDY, WHY DON'T YOU
JUST GO OUTSIDE TO COOL OFF,
OKAY, BUDDY, WHY DON'T YOU
JUST GO OUTSIDE TO COOL OFF,
OKAY?
JUST GO OUTSIDE TO COOL OFF,
OKAY?
HEY, THEY WERE BOTHERING...
OKAY?
HEY, THEY WERE BOTHERING...
GOODBYE, GLENN!
HEY, THEY WERE BOTHERING...
GOODBYE, GLENN!
YOU SWINGING AMERICAN!
GOODBYE, GLENN!
YOU SWINGING AMERICAN!
[LAUGHS]
YOU SWINGING AMERICAN!
[LAUGHS]
EXCUSE ME.
[LAUGHS]
EXCUSE ME.
SO, DEBBIE, PERHAPS YOU HAVE
EXCUSE ME.
SO, DEBBIE, PERHAPS YOU HAVE
MANY ELECTRICAL DEVICES THAT YOU
SO, DEBBIE, PERHAPS YOU HAVE
MANY ELECTRICAL DEVICES THAT YOU
USE FOR SEX.
MANY ELECTRICAL DEVICES THAT YOU
USE FOR SEX.
WE HAVE NOW A VIBRATING
USE FOR SEX.
WE HAVE NOW A VIBRATING
MACHINE THAT WE BROUGHT FROM
WE HAVE NOW A VIBRATING
MACHINE THAT WE BROUGHT FROM
CZECHOSLOVAKIA.
MACHINE THAT WE BROUGHT FROM
CZECHOSLOVAKIA.
A COMMUNIST PARTY OFFICIAL
CZECHOSLOVAKIA.
A COMMUNIST PARTY OFFICIAL
TRADED IT FOR MANY FUEL COUPONS.
A COMMUNIST PARTY OFFICIAL
TRADED IT FOR MANY FUEL COUPONS.
[WHIRRING]
TRADED IT FOR MANY FUEL COUPONS.
[WHIRRING]
OH!
[WHIRRING]
OH!
OH, GOD!
OH!
OH, GOD!
PLEASE TURN THAT OFF!
OH, GOD!
PLEASE TURN THAT OFF!
WE'VE SEEN ENOUGH!
PLEASE TURN THAT OFF!
WE'VE SEEN ENOUGH!
IT LOOKS VERY DANGEROUS!
WE'VE SEEN ENOUGH!
IT LOOKS VERY DANGEROUS!
SO?
IT LOOKS VERY DANGEROUS!
SO?
AREN'T YOU GETTING HOT YET?
SO?
AREN'T YOU GETTING HOT YET?
YOU KNOW, DEBBIE, I HAVE PAID
AREN'T YOU GETTING HOT YET?
YOU KNOW, DEBBIE, I HAVE PAID
FOR MANY WOMEN WORSE THAN YOU.
YOU KNOW, DEBBIE, I HAVE PAID
FOR MANY WOMEN WORSE THAN YOU.
THAT'S NICE. THANKS A LOT.
FOR MANY WOMEN WORSE THAN YOU.
THAT'S NICE. THANKS A LOT.
WE HAVE TALKED LONG ENOUGH.
THAT'S NICE. THANKS A LOT.
WE HAVE TALKED LONG ENOUGH.
LET US CHOOSE PARTNERS FOR SEX.
WE HAVE TALKED LONG ENOUGH.
LET US CHOOSE PARTNERS FOR SEX.
HERE IS SOMETHING.
LET US CHOOSE PARTNERS FOR SEX.
HERE IS SOMETHING.
LOOK AT OUR SLACKS.
HERE IS SOMETHING.
LOOK AT OUR SLACKS.
IT IS BECAUSE OF YOU THAT OUR
LOOK AT OUR SLACKS.
IT IS BECAUSE OF YOU THAT OUR
PATCHES ARE STRETCHING.
NOW THAT WE HAVE TALKED AND
YOU HAVE EXCITED US, YOU MUST
TAKE US TO YOUR PADS TO RELIEVE
YOU HAVE EXCITED US, YOU MUST
TAKE US TO YOUR PADS TO RELIEVE
US.
TAKE US TO YOUR PADS TO RELIEVE
US.
WAIT A MINUTE! THAT'S IT!
US.
WAIT A MINUTE! THAT'S IT!
YOU GUYS ARE REALLY IGNORANT!
WAIT A MINUTE! THAT'S IT!
YOU GUYS ARE REALLY IGNORANT!
COME ON. LET'S GO.
YOU GUYS ARE REALLY IGNORANT!
COME ON. LET'S GO.
YEAH.
COME ON. LET'S GO.
YEAH.
WAIT! WAIT!
YEAH.
WAIT! WAIT!
CAN'T YOU SEE ENOUGH OF OUR
WAIT! WAIT!
CAN'T YOU SEE ENOUGH OF OUR
CHEST HAIRS?
CAN'T YOU SEE ENOUGH OF OUR
CHEST HAIRS?
THE BODY-ODOR SOAP THAT WE
CHEST HAIRS?
THE BODY-ODOR SOAP THAT WE
USE ALL THE TIME MAKES OUR CHEST
THE BODY-ODOR SOAP THAT WE
USE ALL THE TIME MAKES OUR CHEST
HAIRS VERY CRISPY.
USE ALL THE TIME MAKES OUR CHEST
HAIRS VERY CRISPY.
BYE, FOXES.
HAIRS VERY CRISPY.
BYE, FOXES.
OUT TO LUNCH.
BYE, FOXES.
OUT TO LUNCH.
I LOVE AMERICAN FOXES.
OUT TO LUNCH.
I LOVE AMERICAN FOXES.
WE COULD NEVER HAVE THIS GREAT
I LOVE AMERICAN FOXES.
WE COULD NEVER HAVE THIS GREAT
SUCCESS WITH CHICKS BACK IN
WE COULD NEVER HAVE THIS GREAT
SUCCESS WITH CHICKS BACK IN
CZECHOSLOVAKIA.
SUCCESS WITH CHICKS BACK IN
CZECHOSLOVAKIA.
WE MUST CRUISE AGAIN TO THIS
CZECHOSLOVAKIA.
WE MUST CRUISE AGAIN TO THIS
FOX BAR.
WE MUST CRUISE AGAIN TO THIS
FOX BAR.
HEY, TED, YOU ARE THE LOWEST.
FOX BAR.
HEY, TED, YOU ARE THE LOWEST.
[LAUGHS]
HEY, TED, YOU ARE THE LOWEST.
[LAUGHS]
HEY, YOU SWINGERS!
[LAUGHS]
HEY, YOU SWINGERS!
IT'S PARTY TIME!
HEY, YOU SWINGERS!
IT'S PARTY TIME!
WHY DON'T YOU BUY YOURSELVES A
IT'S PARTY TIME!
WHY DON'T YOU BUY YOURSELVES A
DRINK AND ENJOY IT?
WHY DON'T YOU BUY YOURSELVES A
DRINK AND ENJOY IT?
[WHIRRING]
DRINK AND ENJOY IT?
[WHIRRING]
WHOA!
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
H-HELLO?
HELLO?
H-HELLO?
HELLO?
LISA?
HELLO?
LISA?
COMING!
LISA?
COMING!
[TOILET FLUSHES]
COMING!
[TOILET FLUSHES]
HI!
[TOILET FLUSHES]
HI!
HI.
HI!
HI.
DO YOU REMEMBER ME?
HI.
DO YOU REMEMBER ME?
I MET YOU AT THE SCIENCE FAIR.
DO YOU REMEMBER ME?
I MET YOU AT THE SCIENCE FAIR.
OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
I MET YOU AT THE SCIENCE FAIR.
OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU HAD THE BOOTH "FUN WITH
OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU HAD THE BOOTH "FUN WITH
FRICTION."
YOU HAD THE BOOTH "FUN WITH
FRICTION."
YEAH.
FRICTION."
YEAH.
WELL, IT'S REALLY NICE OF YOU
YEAH.
WELL, IT'S REALLY NICE OF YOU
TO COME AND VISIT ME IN THE
WELL, IT'S REALLY NICE OF YOU
TO COME AND VISIT ME IN THE
HOSPITAL, CONSIDERING I CAN'T
TO COME AND VISIT ME IN THE
HOSPITAL, CONSIDERING I CAN'T
EVEN REMEMBER YOUR NAME.
HOSPITAL, CONSIDERING I CAN'T
EVEN REMEMBER YOUR NAME.
OH, I-I'M GRANT ROBINSON JR.
EVEN REMEMBER YOUR NAME.
OH, I-I'M GRANT ROBINSON JR.
FROM HARRIET TUBMAN HIGH.
OH, I-I'M GRANT ROBINSON JR.
FROM HARRIET TUBMAN HIGH.
MY MOTHER WORKS IN THE HOSPITAL.
FROM HARRIET TUBMAN HIGH.
MY MOTHER WORKS IN THE HOSPITAL.
MY BOOKS, SHE'S GOT THEM OUT
MY MOTHER WORKS IN THE HOSPITAL.
MY BOOKS, SHE'S GOT THEM OUT
THERE.
MY BOOKS, SHE'S GOT THEM OUT
THERE.
I COME HERE TO DO MY HOMEWORK.
THERE.
I COME HERE TO DO MY HOMEWORK.
OH.
I COME HERE TO DO MY HOMEWORK.
OH.
THANKS, GRANT.
OH.
THANKS, GRANT.
HI, LISA.
THANKS, GRANT.
HI, LISA.
HI, MOM.
HI, LISA.
HI, MOM.
OH, LISA, WHY DON'T YOU
HI, MOM.
OH, LISA, WHY DON'T YOU
INTRODUCE ME TO YOUR NICE YOUNG
OH, LISA, WHY DON'T YOU
INTRODUCE ME TO YOUR NICE YOUNG
NEGRO FRIEND?
INTRODUCE ME TO YOUR NICE YOUNG
NEGRO FRIEND?
I-I'M GRANT ROBINSON JR.,
NEGRO FRIEND?
I-I'M GRANT ROBINSON JR.,
HARRIET TUBMAN HIGH.
I-I'M GRANT ROBINSON JR.,
HARRIET TUBMAN HIGH.
UM, MY MOTHER WORKS IN THE
HARRIET TUBMAN HIGH.
UM, MY MOTHER WORKS IN THE
HOSPITAL.
UM, MY MOTHER WORKS IN THE
HOSPITAL.
DOESN'T LISA LOOK WELL?
HOSPITAL.
DOESN'T LISA LOOK WELL?
[LAUGHS, SNORTS]
DOESN'T LISA LOOK WELL?
[LAUGHS, SNORTS]
UH, WHAT'S SHE GOT?
[LAUGHS, SNORTS]
UH, WHAT'S SHE GOT?
OH, IT'S JUST A STUPID
UH, WHAT'S SHE GOT?
OH, IT'S JUST A STUPID
DEVIATED SEPTUM.
OH, IT'S JUST A STUPID
DEVIATED SEPTUM.
THEY'RE GONNA OPERATE ON ME
DEVIATED SEPTUM.
THEY'RE GONNA OPERATE ON ME
TOMORROW.
THEY'RE GONNA OPERATE ON ME
TOMORROW.
THEY JUST HAVE TO MOVE THIS
TOMORROW.
THEY JUST HAVE TO MOVE THIS
LITTLE BIT OF CARTILAGE IN MY
THEY JUST HAVE TO MOVE THIS
LITTLE BIT OF CARTILAGE IN MY
NOSE.
LITTLE BIT OF CARTILAGE IN MY
NOSE.
OH.
NOSE.
OH.
WILL IT, UH...
OH.
WILL IT, UH...
CHANGE THE WAY YOU SPEAK?
WILL IT, UH...
CHANGE THE WAY YOU SPEAK?
I HOPE NOT.
CHANGE THE WAY YOU SPEAK?
I HOPE NOT.
WELL, YOU, UH, WOULDN'T WANT
I HOPE NOT.
WELL, YOU, UH, WOULDN'T WANT
TO BUY ANY CHOCOLATE TO SUPPORT
WELL, YOU, UH, WOULDN'T WANT
TO BUY ANY CHOCOLATE TO SUPPORT
OUR BASEBALL TEAM,
TO BUY ANY CHOCOLATE TO SUPPORT
OUR BASEBALL TEAM,
THE BLUE DEVILS, WOULD YOU?
OUR BASEBALL TEAM,
THE BLUE DEVILS, WOULD YOU?
OH, NO, THANKS, GRANT.
THE BLUE DEVILS, WOULD YOU?
OH, NO, THANKS, GRANT.
I DIDN'T THINK SO.
OH, NO, THANKS, GRANT.
I DIDN'T THINK SO.
UH, WELL, I GOT TO GO NOW.
I DIDN'T THINK SO.
UH, WELL, I GOT TO GO NOW.
SEE YOU.
UH, WELL, I GOT TO GO NOW.
SEE YOU.
BYE.
SEE YOU.
BYE.
LISA, WILL YOU BE ALL RIGHT
BYE.
LISA, WILL YOU BE ALL RIGHT
ALONE FOR A MINUTE?
LISA, WILL YOU BE ALL RIGHT
ALONE FOR A MINUTE?
I JUST WANT TO GET A CUP OF THAT
ALONE FOR A MINUTE?
I JUST WANT TO GET A CUP OF THAT
DELICIOUS HOSPITAL-CAFETERIA
I JUST WANT TO GET A CUP OF THAT
DELICIOUS HOSPITAL-CAFETERIA
COFFEE.
DELICIOUS HOSPITAL-CAFETERIA
COFFEE.
SURE, MOM.
COFFEE.
SURE, MOM.
SEE YOU LATER.
[BLOWS NOSE]
GUESS WHO.
OH!
UM, JOHN TRAVOLTA?
OH!
UM, JOHN TRAVOLTA?
WELL, YOU'RE WARM, ANYWAY.
UM, JOHN TRAVOLTA?
WELL, YOU'RE WARM, ANYWAY.
UH, PAUL MICHAEL GLASER?
WELL, YOU'RE WARM, ANYWAY.
UH, PAUL MICHAEL GLASER?
OH, YOU'RE BOILING HOT NOW!
UH, PAUL MICHAEL GLASER?
OH, YOU'RE BOILING HOT NOW!
OH, I KNOW!
OH, YOU'RE BOILING HOT NOW!
OH, I KNOW!
MORK!
OH, I KNOW!
MORK!
THE POOR CHILD IS DELIRIOUS.
MORK!
THE POOR CHILD IS DELIRIOUS.
SHE NO LONGER RECOGNIZES THE
THE POOR CHILD IS DELIRIOUS.
SHE NO LONGER RECOGNIZES THE
VELVET TOUCH OF THE ALWAYS
SHE NO LONGER RECOGNIZES THE
VELVET TOUCH OF THE ALWAYS
GREAT, NEVER LESS THAN
VELVET TOUCH OF THE ALWAYS
GREAT, NEVER LESS THAN
SENSATIONAL TODD DiLaMUCA.
GREAT, NEVER LESS THAN
SENSATIONAL TODD DiLaMUCA.
OH.
SENSATIONAL TODD DiLaMUCA.
OH.
HI, TODD.
OH.
HI, TODD.
HOW ARE YOU FEELING, LISA?
HI, TODD.
HOW ARE YOU FEELING, LISA?
OH, I'M FEELING FINE.
HOW ARE YOU FEELING, LISA?
OH, I'M FEELING FINE.
ASK ME HOW I'M FEELING.
OH, I'M FEELING FINE.
ASK ME HOW I'M FEELING.
HOW ARE YOU FEELING?
ASK ME HOW I'M FEELING.
HOW ARE YOU FEELING?
WITH MY HANDS!
HOW ARE YOU FEELING?
WITH MY HANDS!
OH, CUT IT OUT!
WITH MY HANDS!
OH, CUT IT OUT!
MY GOSH.
OH, CUT IT OUT!
MY GOSH.
YOU'VE HAD YOUR BUSTS REMOVED.
MY GOSH.
YOU'VE HAD YOUR BUSTS REMOVED.
IF YOU'RE CALLING THIS YOUR HOPE
YOU'VE HAD YOUR BUSTS REMOVED.
IF YOU'RE CALLING THIS YOUR HOPE
CHEST, KEEP HOPING, LISA.
IF YOU'RE CALLING THIS YOUR HOPE
CHEST, KEEP HOPING, LISA.
OH, THAT'S SO FUNNY, I FORGOT
CHEST, KEEP HOPING, LISA.
OH, THAT'S SO FUNNY, I FORGOT
TO LAUGH.
OH, THAT'S SO FUNNY, I FORGOT
TO LAUGH.
[IMITATING SIREN]
TO LAUGH.
[IMITATING SIREN]
UH-OH... THE NOOGIE AMBULANCE!
[IMITATING SIREN]
UH-OH... THE NOOGIE AMBULANCE!
OH! STOP IT!
UH-OH... THE NOOGIE AMBULANCE!
OH! STOP IT!
HERE'S SOME SPECIAL GET-WELL
OH! STOP IT!
HERE'S SOME SPECIAL GET-WELL
NOOGIES.
HERE'S SOME SPECIAL GET-WELL
NOOGIES.
OH, WHAT A TRAGEDY!
NOOGIES.
OH, WHAT A TRAGEDY!
DON'T WORRY, MY DEAR.
OH, WHAT A TRAGEDY!
DON'T WORRY, MY DEAR.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
DON'T WORRY, MY DEAR.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
THESE HAVE ALL BEEN STERILIZED.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
THESE HAVE ALL BEEN STERILIZED.
CUT IT OUT, PIZZA FACE!
THESE HAVE ALL BEEN STERILIZED.
CUT IT OUT, PIZZA FACE!
YEAH!
CUT IT OUT, PIZZA FACE!
YEAH!
PATHETIC SHELL OF A HUMAN
YEAH!
PATHETIC SHELL OF A HUMAN
BEING.
PATHETIC SHELL OF A HUMAN
BEING.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
BEING.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
STOP IT, TODD!
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
STOP IT, TODD!
COME IN!
STOP IT, TODD!
COME IN!
WHOA!
COME IN!
WHOA!
OH, NO.
WHOA!
OH, NO.
CHAZ "THE SPAZ" KNERLMAN.
OH, NO.
CHAZ "THE SPAZ" KNERLMAN.
HOW'S IT HANGING, PIZZA FACE?
CHAZ "THE SPAZ" KNERLMAN.
HOW'S IT HANGING, PIZZA FACE?
WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO KNOW.
HOW'S IT HANGING, PIZZA FACE?
WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO KNOW.
WHY DON'T YOU PUT AN EGG IN
WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO KNOW.
WHY DON'T YOU PUT AN EGG IN
YOUR SHOE AND BEAT IT!
WHY DON'T YOU PUT AN EGG IN
YOUR SHOE AND BEAT IT!
LISA, I WOULD'VE BEEN HERE
YOUR SHOE AND BEAT IT!
LISA, I WOULD'VE BEEN HERE
SOONER, BUT I WAS OUT BUYING
LISA, I WOULD'VE BEEN HERE
SOONER, BUT I WAS OUT BUYING
THESE EXPENSIVE GIFTS...
SOONER, BUT I WAS OUT BUYING
THESE EXPENSIVE GIFTS...
FLOWERS AND THESE EXPENSIVE
THESE EXPENSIVE GIFTS...
FLOWERS AND THESE EXPENSIVE
CHOCOLATES AND THIS RECORD,
FLOWERS AND THESE EXPENSIVE
CHOCOLATES AND THIS RECORD,
"MARVIN HAMLISCH DOES IT TO
CHOCOLATES AND THIS RECORD,
"MARVIN HAMLISCH DOES IT TO
MARVIN HAMLISCH."
"MARVIN HAMLISCH DOES IT TO
MARVIN HAMLISCH."
OH.
MARVIN HAMLISCH."
OH.
THANK YOU, CHARLES.
OH.
THANK YOU, CHARLES.
THIS IS THE HAPPIEST MOMENT OF
THANK YOU, CHARLES.
THIS IS THE HAPPIEST MOMENT OF
MY LIFE, EVEN IF IT IS CUT
THIS IS THE HAPPIEST MOMENT OF
MY LIFE, EVEN IF IT IS CUT
TRAGICALLY SHORT BY ILLNESS.
MY LIFE, EVEN IF IT IS CUT
TRAGICALLY SHORT BY ILLNESS.
AND HERE'S A GREETING CARD I
TRAGICALLY SHORT BY ILLNESS.
AND HERE'S A GREETING CARD I
THOUGHTFULLY MADE YOU MYSELF
AND HERE'S A GREETING CARD I
THOUGHTFULLY MADE YOU MYSELF
WITH THESE HANDS.
THOUGHTFULLY MADE YOU MYSELF
WITH THESE HANDS.
OH.
WITH THESE HANDS.
OH.
"TO LISA.
OH.
"TO LISA.
TO A GREAT GAL WITH A DEVIATED
"TO LISA.
TO A GREAT GAL WITH A DEVIATED
SEPTUM.
TO A GREAT GAL WITH A DEVIATED
SEPTUM.
SHE WON A FRIEND AND ALWAYS KEPT
SEPTUM.
SHE WON A FRIEND AND ALWAYS KEPT
HIM.
SHE WON A FRIEND AND ALWAYS KEPT
HIM.
FINEST REGARDS FROM THAT FRIEND,
HIM.
FINEST REGARDS FROM THAT FRIEND,
CHARLES KNERLMAN."
FINEST REGARDS FROM THAT FRIEND,
CHARLES KNERLMAN."
"PRESIDENT OF THE SCIENCE
CHARLES KNERLMAN."
"PRESIDENT OF THE SCIENCE
CLUB."
"PRESIDENT OF THE SCIENCE
CLUB."
OH, IT'S BEAUTIFUL, CHARLES!
CLUB."
OH, IT'S BEAUTIFUL, CHARLES!
OH, UH, LISA, I FORGOT TO
OH, IT'S BEAUTIFUL, CHARLES!
OH, UH, LISA, I FORGOT TO
GIVE YOU MY PRESENT.
OH, UH, LISA, I FORGOT TO
GIVE YOU MY PRESENT.
HERE'S A BUCK.
GIVE YOU MY PRESENT.
HERE'S A BUCK.
I FORGOT TO WRAP IT.
HERE'S A BUCK.
I FORGOT TO WRAP IT.
MERCI BUCKETS!
I FORGOT TO WRAP IT.
MERCI BUCKETS!
SO, HOW ARE YOU, LISA?
MERCI BUCKETS!
SO, HOW ARE YOU, LISA?
OH, THE DOCTORS DON'T KNOW
SO, HOW ARE YOU, LISA?
OH, THE DOCTORS DON'T KNOW
FOR SURE.
OH, THE DOCTORS DON'T KNOW
FOR SURE.
BUT DON'T WORRY.
FOR SURE.
BUT DON'T WORRY.
I BELIEVE IN REINCARNATION.
BUT DON'T WORRY.
I BELIEVE IN REINCARNATION.
OH, YOU'RE SO BRAVE, LISA.
I BELIEVE IN REINCARNATION.
OH, YOU'RE SO BRAVE, LISA.
YOU REMIND ME OF ME.
OH, YOU'RE SO BRAVE, LISA.
YOU REMIND ME OF ME.
UGH!
YOU REMIND ME OF ME.
UGH!
CHARLES, HOW IS OUR SCHOOL?
UGH!
CHARLES, HOW IS OUR SCHOOL?
I SO MISS LEARNING!
CHARLES, HOW IS OUR SCHOOL?
I SO MISS LEARNING!
DON'T WORRY, LISA, 'CAUSE I
I SO MISS LEARNING!
DON'T WORRY, LISA, 'CAUSE I
CONSIDERATELY BROUGHT YOU ALL
DON'T WORRY, LISA, 'CAUSE I
CONSIDERATELY BROUGHT YOU ALL
YOU HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENTS FOR THE
CONSIDERATELY BROUGHT YOU ALL
YOU HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENTS FOR THE
NEXT TWO WEEKS IN ADVANCE.
YOU HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENTS FOR THE
NEXT TWO WEEKS IN ADVANCE.
OH, THANK YOU.
NEXT TWO WEEKS IN ADVANCE.
OH, THANK YOU.
WAIT A MINUTE.
OH, THANK YOU.
WAIT A MINUTE.
I THOUGHT I WAS BRINGING YOU
WAIT A MINUTE.
I THOUGHT I WAS BRINGING YOU
THE HOMEWORK.
I THOUGHT I WAS BRINGING YOU
THE HOMEWORK.
BUT I GUESS YOU WON'T BE NEEDING
THE HOMEWORK.
BUT I GUESS YOU WON'T BE NEEDING
IT, NOW THAT YOU'RE GETTING IT
BUT I GUESS YOU WON'T BE NEEDING
IT, NOW THAT YOU'RE GETTING IT
SOMEWHERE ELSE.
IT, NOW THAT YOU'RE GETTING IT
SOMEWHERE ELSE.
[GASPS]
SOMEWHERE ELSE.
[GASPS]
IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK, TODD!
[GASPS]
IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK, TODD!
ANYWAY, IT'S NONE OF YOUR
IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK, TODD!
ANYWAY, IT'S NONE OF YOUR
BEESWAX!
ANYWAY, IT'S NONE OF YOUR
BEESWAX!
WHY DON'T YOU SHUT UP,
BEESWAX!
WHY DON'T YOU SHUT UP,
SPAZALOPOLIS?
WHY DON'T YOU SHUT UP,
SPAZALOPOLIS?
SHAME ON YOU, LISA, TAKING
SPAZALOPOLIS?
SHAME ON YOU, LISA, TAKING
HOMEWORK FROM TWO DIFFERENT GUYS
SHAME ON YOU, LISA, TAKING
HOMEWORK FROM TWO DIFFERENT GUYS
AT THE SAME TIME AND NEVER
HOMEWORK FROM TWO DIFFERENT GUYS
AT THE SAME TIME AND NEVER
LETTING EITHER ONE KNOW WHERE
AT THE SAME TIME AND NEVER
LETTING EITHER ONE KNOW WHERE
IT WAS REALLY AT.
LETTING EITHER ONE KNOW WHERE
IT WAS REALLY AT.
OH, CHARLES, COULD YOU HELP
IT WAS REALLY AT.
OH, CHARLES, COULD YOU HELP
ME SIT UP?
OH, CHARLES, COULD YOU HELP
ME SIT UP?
I'D LIKE TO SEE THE SUNSET FOR
ME SIT UP?
I'D LIKE TO SEE THE SUNSET FOR
ONE LAST TIME.
I'D LIKE TO SEE THE SUNSET FOR
ONE LAST TIME.
CERTAINEMENT.
ONE LAST TIME.
CERTAINEMENT.
I'LL ADJUST THAT FOR HER.
CERTAINEMENT.
I'LL ADJUST THAT FOR HER.
I GOT IT.
I'LL ADJUST THAT FOR HER.
I GOT IT.
NO, I HAVE IT!
I GOT IT.
NO, I HAVE IT!
WATCH IT, TODD!
NO, I HAVE IT!
WATCH IT, TODD!
I'VE GOT IT!
WATCH IT, TODD!
I'VE GOT IT!
I'VE GOT IT!
I'VE GOT IT!
I'VE GOT IT!
HEY, BUDDY, GIVE ME BACK THAT
I'VE GOT IT!
HEY, BUDDY, GIVE ME BACK THAT
PENCIL POCKET PROTECTOR!
HEY, BUDDY, GIVE ME BACK THAT
PENCIL POCKET PROTECTOR!
HERE'S WHAT I THINK OF YOUR
PENCIL POCKET PROTECTOR!
HERE'S WHAT I THINK OF YOUR
DUMB POCKET PROTECTOR, YOU...
HERE'S WHAT I THINK OF YOUR
DUMB POCKET PROTECTOR, YOU...
YOU STUPID DUMBFACE!
DUMB POCKET PROTECTOR, YOU...
YOU STUPID DUMBFACE!
OH! OH, NO!
YOU STUPID DUMBFACE!
OH! OH, NO!
[GRUNTING]
OH! OH, NO!
[GRUNTING]
OH!
[GRUNTING]
OH!
[GRUNTING]
OH!
[GRUNTING]
I SEE YOU DON'T PLAY BY THE
[GRUNTING]
I SEE YOU DON'T PLAY BY THE
RULES, KNERLMAN.
I SEE YOU DON'T PLAY BY THE
RULES, KNERLMAN.
WELL, NEITHER DO I...
RULES, KNERLMAN.
WELL, NEITHER DO I...
WHAT HAPPENED HERE?
WELL, NEITHER DO I...
WHAT HAPPENED HERE?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WHAT HAPPENED HERE?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
OH!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
OH!
[SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY]
OH!
[SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY]
STOP IT!
[SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY]
STOP IT!
HI, KIDS!
STOP IT!
HI, KIDS!
MOM!
HI, KIDS!
MOM!
Both: [Singsong voice]
MOM!
Both: [Singsong voice]
HELLO, MRS. LOOPNER.
40 LASHES WITH A WET NOODLE
FOR YOU TWO YOUNG MEN!
THANKS, MOM!
FOR YOU TWO YOUNG MEN!
THANKS, MOM!
WELL, VISITING HOURS ARE
THANKS, MOM!
WELL, VISITING HOURS ARE
OVER.
WELL, VISITING HOURS ARE
OVER.
YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO LEAVE
OVER.
YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO LEAVE
NOW.
YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO LEAVE
NOW.
IT'S TIME TO GO.
NOW.
IT'S TIME TO GO.
GOOD LUCK WITH THE OPERATION
IT'S TIME TO GO.
GOOD LUCK WITH THE OPERATION
TOMORROW, LISA.
GOOD LUCK WITH THE OPERATION
TOMORROW, LISA.
THANK YOU, CHARLES!
TOMORROW, LISA.
THANK YOU, CHARLES!
YES, I SINCERELY HOPE THE
THANK YOU, CHARLES!
YES, I SINCERELY HOPE THE
DOCTOR'S HAND DOESN'T SLIP AND
YES, I SINCERELY HOPE THE
DOCTOR'S HAND DOESN'T SLIP AND
YOU END UP WITH A DEVIATED FACE.
DOCTOR'S HAND DOESN'T SLIP AND
YOU END UP WITH A DEVIATED FACE.
WELL, IF I DIE, I'M DONATING
YOU END UP WITH A DEVIATED FACE.
WELL, IF I DIE, I'M DONATING
MY ORGANS TO SCIENCE AND MY SKIN
WELL, IF I DIE, I'M DONATING
MY ORGANS TO SCIENCE AND MY SKIN
TO YOU, PIZZA FACE!
MY ORGANS TO SCIENCE AND MY SKIN
TO YOU, PIZZA FACE!
PBTH!
TO YOU, PIZZA FACE!
PBTH!
GOODBYE, LADIES.
PBTH!
GOODBYE, LADIES.
AND BOY.
NOW, LISA, GET SOME SLEEP.
AND DON'T BE SCARED.
WHEN YOU WAKE UP, I'LL BE IN THE
AND DON'T BE SCARED.
WHEN YOU WAKE UP, I'LL BE IN THE
RECOVERY ROOM WITH BELLS ON.
WHEN YOU WAKE UP, I'LL BE IN THE
RECOVERY ROOM WITH BELLS ON.
I'M NOT SCARED, MOM.
RECOVERY ROOM WITH BELLS ON.
I'M NOT SCARED, MOM.
[LAUGHS]
I'M NOT SCARED, MOM.
[LAUGHS]
[SNORTS]
[LAUGHS]
[SNORTS]
HEY, ARE... ARE YOU
[SNORTS]
HEY, ARE... ARE YOU
M-MRS. ROBINSON?
HEY, ARE... ARE YOU
M-MRS. ROBINSON?
YES, I AM.
M-MRS. ROBINSON?
YES, I AM.
OH, I KNOW YOUR SON GRANT.
YES, I AM.
OH, I KNOW YOUR SON GRANT.
HE'S SOMEWHERE IN THE BUILDING.
OH, I KNOW YOUR SON GRANT.
HE'S SOMEWHERE IN THE BUILDING.
I KNOW YOU DO.
HE'S SOMEWHERE IN THE BUILDING.
I KNOW YOU DO.
NOW YOU GO TO SLEEP.
I KNOW YOU DO.
NOW YOU GO TO SLEEP.
YOU HAVE A BIG DAY AHEAD OF YOU
NOW YOU GO TO SLEEP.
YOU HAVE A BIG DAY AHEAD OF YOU
TOMORROW.
YOU HAVE A BIG DAY AHEAD OF YOU
TOMORROW.
THANK YOU, MRS. ROBINSON.
TOMORROW.
THANK YOU, MRS. ROBINSON.
RIGHT.
THANK YOU, MRS. ROBINSON.
RIGHT.
[WHEEZING]
[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]
WELCOME TO "LOOKS AT BOOKS."
I'M JANE CURTIN, AND WE'RE GOING
TO TALK TO THE MAN WHO'S WRITTEN
I'M JANE CURTIN, AND WE'RE GOING
TO TALK TO THE MAN WHO'S WRITTEN
THIS BOOK...
TO TALK TO THE MAN WHO'S WRITTEN
THIS BOOK...
"MAULED."
THIS BOOK...
"MAULED."
PLEASE WELCOME BOB CRAWFORD.
"MAULED."
PLEASE WELCOME BOB CRAWFORD.
BOB, WHY "MAULED"?
PLEASE WELCOME BOB CRAWFORD.
BOB, WHY "MAULED"?
BECAUSE THERE ARE OVER 150
BOB, WHY "MAULED"?
BECAUSE THERE ARE OVER 150
PEOPLE MAULED BY BEARS IN THIS
BECAUSE THERE ARE OVER 150
PEOPLE MAULED BY BEARS IN THIS
COUNTRY EVERY YEAR.
PEOPLE MAULED BY BEARS IN THIS
COUNTRY EVERY YEAR.
YOU KNOW, THE MEDIA HAS
COUNTRY EVERY YEAR.
YOU KNOW, THE MEDIA HAS
PORTRAYED THE BEAR AS KIND OF A
YOU KNOW, THE MEDIA HAS
PORTRAYED THE BEAR AS KIND OF A
FRIENDLY, JOVIAL CHARACTER.
PORTRAYED THE BEAR AS KIND OF A
FRIENDLY, JOVIAL CHARACTER.
YOU GOT SMOKEY THE BEAR,
FRIENDLY, JOVIAL CHARACTER.
YOU GOT SMOKEY THE BEAR,
SUGAR BEAR, YOGI BEAR, BOO BOO.
YOU GOT SMOKEY THE BEAR,
SUGAR BEAR, YOGI BEAR, BOO BOO.
THE TRUTH IS, THE BEAR IS A VERY
SUGAR BEAR, YOGI BEAR, BOO BOO.
THE TRUTH IS, THE BEAR IS A VERY
DANGEROUS ANIMAL.
THE TRUTH IS, THE BEAR IS A VERY
DANGEROUS ANIMAL.
WELL, I HAVEN'T HAD TIME TO
DANGEROUS ANIMAL.
WELL, I HAVEN'T HAD TIME TO
ACTUALLY READ YOUR BOOK, BOB.
WELL, I HAVEN'T HAD TIME TO
ACTUALLY READ YOUR BOOK, BOB.
BUT WHAT EXACTLY WAS YOUR MAIN
ACTUALLY READ YOUR BOOK, BOB.
BUT WHAT EXACTLY WAS YOUR MAIN
INTEREST IN WRITING "MAULED"?
BUT WHAT EXACTLY WAS YOUR MAIN
INTEREST IN WRITING "MAULED"?
JANE, I WANTED TO WARN PEOPLE
INTEREST IN WRITING "MAULED"?
JANE, I WANTED TO WARN PEOPLE
ABOUT THE DANGERS OF FEEDING
JANE, I WANTED TO WARN PEOPLE
ABOUT THE DANGERS OF FEEDING
MARSHMALLOWS TO GRIZZLY BEARS.
ABOUT THE DANGERS OF FEEDING
MARSHMALLOWS TO GRIZZLY BEARS.
WELL, I CAN SEE HERE, FROM
MARSHMALLOWS TO GRIZZLY BEARS.
WELL, I CAN SEE HERE, FROM
THE BOOK JACKET, THAT YOU PUT A
WELL, I CAN SEE HERE, FROM
THE BOOK JACKET, THAT YOU PUT A
LARGE PART OF THE BLAME ON THE
THE BOOK JACKET, THAT YOU PUT A
LARGE PART OF THE BLAME ON THE
NATIONAL PARK SERVICE.
LARGE PART OF THE BLAME ON THE
NATIONAL PARK SERVICE.
YOU FEEL THAT THEY'RE NOT DOING
NATIONAL PARK SERVICE.
YOU FEEL THAT THEY'RE NOT DOING
ALL THEY CAN TO PREVENT BEAR
YOU FEEL THAT THEY'RE NOT DOING
ALL THEY CAN TO PREVENT BEAR
ATTACKS.
ALL THEY CAN TO PREVENT BEAR
ATTACKS.
THAT'S RIGHT, AND I HAVE SOME
ATTACKS.
THAT'S RIGHT, AND I HAVE SOME
PROPOSALS.
THAT'S RIGHT, AND I HAVE SOME
PROPOSALS.
FIRST OF ALL, THERE SHOULD BE
PROPOSALS.
FIRST OF ALL, THERE SHOULD BE
SIGNS POSTED PROMINENTLY ON ALL
FIRST OF ALL, THERE SHOULD BE
SIGNS POSTED PROMINENTLY ON ALL
NATIONAL PARK ENTRANCES SAYING
SIGNS POSTED PROMINENTLY ON ALL
NATIONAL PARK ENTRANCES SAYING
"DO NOT RIDE THE BEARS."
NATIONAL PARK ENTRANCES SAYING
"DO NOT RIDE THE BEARS."
SECONDLY, PARK RANGERS SHOULD
"DO NOT RIDE THE BEARS."
SECONDLY, PARK RANGERS SHOULD
WARN CAMPERS... IF THEY FIND
SECONDLY, PARK RANGERS SHOULD
WARN CAMPERS... IF THEY FIND
BEAR CUBS, LEAVE THEM ALONE.
WARN CAMPERS... IF THEY FIND
BEAR CUBS, LEAVE THEM ALONE.
DON'T TRY TO DRESS THEM UP IN
BEAR CUBS, LEAVE THEM ALONE.
DON'T TRY TO DRESS THEM UP IN
CHILDREN'S CLOTHES OR SWIMSUITS,
DON'T TRY TO DRESS THEM UP IN
CHILDREN'S CLOTHES OR SWIMSUITS,
WHAT HAVE YOU.
CHILDREN'S CLOTHES OR SWIMSUITS,
WHAT HAVE YOU.
MAKES A GREAT PICTURE, BUT
WHAT HAVE YOU.
MAKES A GREAT PICTURE, BUT
YOU'RE JUST PLAYING WITH FIRE.
MAKES A GREAT PICTURE, BUT
YOU'RE JUST PLAYING WITH FIRE.
THIRD, AND I WANT TO EMPHASIZE,
YOU'RE JUST PLAYING WITH FIRE.
THIRD, AND I WANT TO EMPHASIZE,
NEVER FEED A MARSHMALLOW TO A
THIRD, AND I WANT TO EMPHASIZE,
NEVER FEED A MARSHMALLOW TO A
GRIZZLY BEAR LIKE THIS.
WELL, THANK YOU FOR BEING ON
"LOOKS AT BOOKS," BOB.
MAYBE WE'LL HAVE YOU BACK
"LOOKS AT BOOKS," BOB.
MAYBE WE'LL HAVE YOU BACK
SOMETIME.
MAYBE WE'LL HAVE YOU BACK
SOMETIME.
ARE YOU PLANNING TO WRITE
SOMETIME.
ARE YOU PLANNING TO WRITE
ANOTHER BOOK?
ARE YOU PLANNING TO WRITE
ANOTHER BOOK?
GOSH, I CERTAINLY HOPE NOT.
ANOTHER BOOK?
GOSH, I CERTAINLY HOPE NOT.
THIS HAS BEEN JANE CURTIN FOR
GOSH, I CERTAINLY HOPE NOT.
THIS HAS BEEN JANE CURTIN FOR
"LOOKS AT BOOKS."
THIS HAS BEEN JANE CURTIN FOR
"LOOKS AT BOOKS."
GOOD NIGHT.
"LOOKS AT BOOKS."
GOOD NIGHT.
[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]
Announcer: ONCE AGAIN, HERE'S
VAN MORRISON.
[APPLAUSE]
VAN MORRISON.
[APPLAUSE]
["KINGDOM HALL" PLAYS]
♪ SO GLAD TO SEE YOU ♪
♪ SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE ♪
♪ COME HERE BESIDE ME NOW ♪
♪ SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE ♪
♪ COME HERE BESIDE ME NOW ♪
♪ WE CAN CLEAR INHIBITION AWAY ♪
♪ COME HERE BESIDE ME NOW ♪
♪ WE CAN CLEAR INHIBITION AWAY ♪
♪ ALL INHIBITIONS ♪
♪ WE CAN CLEAR INHIBITION AWAY ♪
♪ ALL INHIBITIONS ♪
♪ THROW THEM AWAY ♪
♪ ALL INHIBITIONS ♪
♪ THROW THEM AWAY ♪
♪ AND WHEN WE DANCE LIKE THIS ♪
♪ THROW THEM AWAY ♪
♪ AND WHEN WE DANCE LIKE THIS ♪
♪ LIKE WE NEVER BEEN DANCIN'
♪ AND WHEN WE DANCE LIKE THIS ♪
♪ LIKE WE NEVER BEEN DANCIN'
BEFORE ♪
♪ LIKE WE NEVER BEEN DANCIN'
BEFORE ♪
♪ OH, THEY WERE SWINGIN'
BEFORE ♪
♪ OH, THEY WERE SWINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ OH, THEY WERE SWINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ ALL RIGHT ♪
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ OH, BELLS WERE RINGIN'
♪ ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ OH, BELLS WERE RINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ OH, BELLS WERE RINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ A CHOIR ♪
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ A CHOIR ♪
♪ A CHOIR WAS SINGIN'
♪ A CHOIR ♪
♪ A CHOIR WAS SINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ A CHOIR WAS SINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ THEY WENT ♪
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ THEY WENT ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LILEY ♪
♪ THEY WENT ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LILEY ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LO-O-O-W ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LILEY ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LO-O-O-W ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LO-O-O-W ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO DO ♪
♪ WELL, THAT GOOD BODY MUSIC ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO DO ♪
♪ WELL, THAT GOOD BODY MUSIC ♪
♪ BRINGS YOU RIGHT HERE ♪
♪ WELL, THAT GOOD BODY MUSIC ♪
♪ BRINGS YOU RIGHT HERE ♪
♪ FREE-FLOWIN' MOTION, NOW ♪
♪ BRINGS YOU RIGHT HERE ♪
♪ FREE-FLOWIN' MOTION, NOW ♪
♪ WHEN WE'RE SHAKIN' IT OUT ON
♪ FREE-FLOWIN' MOTION, NOW ♪
♪ WHEN WE'RE SHAKIN' IT OUT ON
THE FLOOR ♪
♪ WHEN WE'RE SHAKIN' IT OUT ON
THE FLOOR ♪
♪ GOOD ROCKIN' MUSIC ♪
THE FLOOR ♪
♪ GOOD ROCKIN' MUSIC ♪
♪ DOWN IN YOUR SHOES ♪
♪ GOOD ROCKIN' MUSIC ♪
♪ DOWN IN YOUR SHOES ♪
♪ AND WHEN WE DANCE LIKE THIS ♪
♪ DOWN IN YOUR SHOES ♪
♪ AND WHEN WE DANCE LIKE THIS ♪
♪ LIKE WE NEVER BEEN DANCIN'
♪ AND WHEN WE DANCE LIKE THIS ♪
♪ LIKE WE NEVER BEEN DANCIN'
BEFORE ♪
♪ LIKE WE NEVER BEEN DANCIN'
BEFORE ♪
♪ OH, THEY WERE SWINGIN'
BEFORE ♪
♪ OH, THEY WERE SWINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ OH, THEY WERE SWINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ OH, BELLS WERE RINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ OH, BELLS WERE RINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ OH, BELLS WERE RINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ A CHOIR WAS SINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ A CHOIR WAS SINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ A CHOIR WAS SINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ THEY WENT ♪
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ THEY WENT ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LILEY ♪
♪ THEY WENT ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LILEY ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LO-O-O-W ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LILEY ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LO-O-O-W ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LO-O-O-W ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ ALL RIGHT ♪
[GUITAR SOLO]
♪ OH, THEY WERE SWINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ OH, BELLS WERE RINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ OH, BELLS WERE RINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ OH, BELLS WERE RINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ OH, A CHOIR WAS SINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ OH, A CHOIR WAS SINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ OH, A CHOIR WAS SINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ THEY WENT ♪
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ THEY WENT ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LILEY ♪
♪ THEY WENT ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LILEY ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LO-O-O-W ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LILEY ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LO-O-O-W ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LO-O-O-W ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ OH, THEY WERE SWINGIN'
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ OH, THEY WERE SWINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ OH, THEY WERE SWINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ OH, BELLS WERE RINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ OH, BELLS WERE RINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ OH, BELLS WERE RINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ A CHOIR WAS SINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ A CHOIR WAS SINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ A CHOIR WAS SINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ THEY WENT ♪
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ THEY WENT ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LILEY ♪
♪ THEY WENT ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LILEY ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LO-O-O-W ♪
BOY, GILDA, IT'S GREAT TO
FINALLY GET OUT OF THAT STUDIO.
I'LL SAY.
FINALLY GET OUT OF THAT STUDIO.
I'LL SAY.
IT'S NICE TO BE ABLE TO SPEND
I'LL SAY.
IT'S NICE TO BE ABLE TO SPEND
SOME TIME WITH SOMEONE ALONE,
IT'S NICE TO BE ABLE TO SPEND
SOME TIME WITH SOMEONE ALONE,
GILDA.
SOME TIME WITH SOMEONE ALONE,
GILDA.
YOU KNOW, THIS IS THE SIXTH SHOW
GILDA.
YOU KNOW, THIS IS THE SIXTH SHOW
I'VE DONE, AND I GUESS I FEEL
YOU KNOW, THIS IS THE SIXTH SHOW
I'VE DONE, AND I GUESS I FEEL
WE'VE BECOME GOOD FRIENDS...
I'VE DONE, AND I GUESS I FEEL
WE'VE BECOME GOOD FRIENDS...
ALMOST KINDRED SPIRITS.
WE'VE BECOME GOOD FRIENDS...
ALMOST KINDRED SPIRITS.
YEAH, I KNOW JUST HOW YOU
ALMOST KINDRED SPIRITS.
YEAH, I KNOW JUST HOW YOU
FEEL, STEVE.
YEAH, I KNOW JUST HOW YOU
FEEL, STEVE.
GILDA...
FEEL, STEVE.
GILDA...
[CLEARS THROAT]
GILDA...
[CLEARS THROAT]
THERE'S SOMETHING I HAVE TO TALK
[CLEARS THROAT]
THERE'S SOMETHING I HAVE TO TALK
TO YOU ABOUT.
THERE'S SOMETHING I HAVE TO TALK
TO YOU ABOUT.
YEAH?
TO YOU ABOUT.
YEAH?
YOUR MENUS.
YEAH?
YOUR MENUS.
OH, THANK YOU.
YOUR MENUS.
OH, THANK YOU.
THANKS.
OH, THANK YOU.
THANKS.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
THANKS.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
YOU KNOW, I'M VERY HONORED TO
YOU'RE WELCOME.
YOU KNOW, I'M VERY HONORED TO
HAVE YOU HERE.
YOU KNOW, I'M VERY HONORED TO
HAVE YOU HERE.
I'M A BIG FAN OF BOTH OF YOURS,
HAVE YOU HERE.
I'M A BIG FAN OF BOTH OF YOURS,
AND, YOU KNOW, WHEN I SAW IT WAS
I'M A BIG FAN OF BOTH OF YOURS,
AND, YOU KNOW, WHEN I SAW IT WAS
YOU AND MISS RADNER, I MADE SURE
AND, YOU KNOW, WHEN I SAW IT WAS
YOU AND MISS RADNER, I MADE SURE
THE STAFF... THE CHEF WOULD STAY
YOU AND MISS RADNER, I MADE SURE
THE STAFF... THE CHEF WOULD STAY
AN EXTRA HOUR.
THE STAFF... THE CHEF WOULD STAY
AN EXTRA HOUR.
WE WERE ABOUT TO CLOSE, BUT
AN EXTRA HOUR.
WE WERE ABOUT TO CLOSE, BUT
EVERYTHING'S FINE NOW.
WE WERE ABOUT TO CLOSE, BUT
EVERYTHING'S FINE NOW.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
EVERYTHING'S FINE NOW.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW NICE IT IS
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW NICE IT IS
TO EAT IN A RESTAURANT ALONE.
I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW NICE IT IS
TO EAT IN A RESTAURANT ALONE.
THANKS FOR KEEPING THE PLACE
TO EAT IN A RESTAURANT ALONE.
THANKS FOR KEEPING THE PLACE
OPEN FOR US.
THANKS FOR KEEPING THE PLACE
OPEN FOR US.
OKAY.
OPEN FOR US.
OKAY.
I'M SURE YOU GET BOTHERED A LOT,
OKAY.
I'M SURE YOU GET BOTHERED A LOT,
YOU KNOW?
I'M SURE YOU GET BOTHERED A LOT,
YOU KNOW?
YEAH, SOMETIMES.
YOU KNOW?
YEAH, SOMETIMES.
I'LL HAVE THE VEGETABLE PLATE.
YEAH, SOMETIMES.
I'LL HAVE THE VEGETABLE PLATE.
MAY I RECOMMEND THE LAMB
I'LL HAVE THE VEGETABLE PLATE.
MAY I RECOMMEND THE LAMB
CHOPS?
MAY I RECOMMEND THE LAMB
CHOPS?
THEY'RE ESPECIALLY GOOD.
CHOPS?
THEY'RE ESPECIALLY GOOD.
OH, I'M A VEGETARIAN, SO THAT
THEY'RE ESPECIALLY GOOD.
OH, I'M A VEGETARIAN, SO THAT
WOULDN'T BE FOR ME.
OH, I'M A VEGETARIAN, SO THAT
WOULDN'T BE FOR ME.
[As Steve] WELL, EXCU-U-SE
WOULDN'T BE FOR ME.
[As Steve] WELL, EXCU-U-SE
ME!
[As Steve] WELL, EXCU-U-SE
ME!
[LAUGHS]
ME!
[LAUGHS]
I-I'LL HAVE THE LAMB CHOPS.
[LAUGHS]
I-I'LL HAVE THE LAMB CHOPS.
[Normal voice] HOW WOULD
I-I'LL HAVE THE LAMB CHOPS.
[Normal voice] HOW WOULD
YOU LIKE THEM?
[Normal voice] HOW WOULD
YOU LIKE THEM?
WELL DONE.
YOU LIKE THEM?
WELL DONE.
OH, NO.
WELL DONE.
OH, NO.
RAMS ARE WELL HUNG.
OH, NO.
RAMS ARE WELL HUNG.
LAMBS ARE NOT WELL HUNG.
RAMS ARE WELL HUNG.
LAMBS ARE NOT WELL HUNG.
I-I SAID "WELL DONE."
LAMBS ARE NOT WELL HUNG.
I-I SAID "WELL DONE."
[As Emily Litella] OH,
I-I SAID "WELL DONE."
[As Emily Litella] OH,
NEVER MIND!
[As Emily Litella] OH,
NEVER MIND!
[LAUGHS]
NEVER MIND!
[LAUGHS]
UH, GILDA, MY GIRLFRIEND AND
[LAUGHS]
UH, GILDA, MY GIRLFRIEND AND
I ARE VERY CLOSE, AND I'VE JUST
UH, GILDA, MY GIRLFRIEND AND
I ARE VERY CLOSE, AND I'VE JUST
BEEN... WELL, I JUST FOUND OUT
I ARE VERY CLOSE, AND I'VE JUST
BEEN... WELL, I JUST FOUND OUT
THAT SHE HAS A TERMINAL ILLNESS,
BEEN... WELL, I JUST FOUND OUT
THAT SHE HAS A TERMINAL ILLNESS,
AND I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD
THAT SHE HAS A TERMINAL ILLNESS,
AND I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD
HELP ME THROUGH THIS DIFFICULT
AND I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD
HELP ME THROUGH THIS DIFFICULT
PERIOD.
HELP ME THROUGH THIS DIFFICULT
PERIOD.
OH, STEVE.
PERIOD.
OH, STEVE.
WHY, THAT'S TERRIBLE.
OH, STEVE.
WHY, THAT'S TERRIBLE.
AND YET IT SOUNDS VERY
WHY, THAT'S TERRIBLE.
AND YET IT SOUNDS VERY
INTRIGUING.
AND YET IT SOUNDS VERY
INTRIGUING.
A COMPLIMENTARY BOTTLE OF
INTRIGUING.
A COMPLIMENTARY BOTTLE OF
WINE FROM ME, THE WAITER,
A COMPLIMENTARY BOTTLE OF
WINE FROM ME, THE WAITER,
RICHIE ROBERTS, TO A WILD AND
WINE FROM ME, THE WAITER,
RICHIE ROBERTS, TO A WILD AND
CRAZY GUY!
RICHIE ROBERTS, TO A WILD AND
CRAZY GUY!
[LAUGHS]
CRAZY GUY!
[LAUGHS]
AND TO A WILD AND CWAZY
[LAUGHS]
AND TO A WILD AND CWAZY
BAWBWA WAWA!
AND TO A WILD AND CWAZY
BAWBWA WAWA!
WIGHT, BAWBWA?!
BAWBWA WAWA!
WIGHT, BAWBWA?!
RIGHT. RIGHT.
WIGHT, BAWBWA?!
RIGHT. RIGHT.
UM, SO, HOW LONG DOES YOUR
RIGHT. RIGHT.
UM, SO, HOW LONG DOES YOUR
GIRLFRIEND HAVE TO LIVE?
UM, SO, HOW LONG DOES YOUR
GIRLFRIEND HAVE TO LIVE?
JUST A MATTER OF MONTHS,
GIRLFRIEND HAVE TO LIVE?
JUST A MATTER OF MONTHS,
MAYBE WEEKS.
JUST A MATTER OF MONTHS,
MAYBE WEEKS.
SHE'S THE... SHE TOLD ME THAT
MAYBE WEEKS.
SHE'S THE... SHE TOLD ME THAT
YOU WERE THE ONE GIRL THAT SHE
SHE'S THE... SHE TOLD ME THAT
YOU WERE THE ONE GIRL THAT SHE
WOULDN'T MIND ME SEEING WHILE
YOU WERE THE ONE GIRL THAT SHE
WOULDN'T MIND ME SEEING WHILE
SHE WAS DYING.
WOULDN'T MIND ME SEEING WHILE
SHE WAS DYING.
OH, SHE MUST BE A WONDERFUL,
SHE WAS DYING.
OH, SHE MUST BE A WONDERFUL,
WONDERFUL WOMAN.
OH, SHE MUST BE A WONDERFUL,
WONDERFUL WOMAN.
[POUNDING]
WONDERFUL WOMAN.
[POUNDING]
HAPPY FEET! HAPPY FEET!
[POUNDING]
HAPPY FEET! HAPPY FEET!
HAPPY FEET! HAPPY FEET!
HAPPY FEET! HAPPY FEET!
HAPPY FEET! HAPPY FEET!
I HOPE YOU DON'T FIND ANY
HAPPY FEET! HAPPY FEET!
I HOPE YOU DON'T FIND ANY
TOENAILS OR BOOGERS IN THE
I HOPE YOU DON'T FIND ANY
TOENAILS OR BOOGERS IN THE
SALAD, ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA.
TOENAILS OR BOOGERS IN THE
SALAD, ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA.
LOOK, LOOK, WE APPRECIATE
SALAD, ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA.
LOOK, LOOK, WE APPRECIATE
WHAT YOU'RE DOING, BUT WE'RE
LOOK, LOOK, WE APPRECIATE
WHAT YOU'RE DOING, BUT WE'RE
TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING VERY
WHAT YOU'RE DOING, BUT WE'RE
TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING VERY
INTIMATE AND WOULD APPRECIATE IT
TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING VERY
INTIMATE AND WOULD APPRECIATE IT
IF YOU WOULDN'T BOTHER US, ALL
INTIMATE AND WOULD APPRECIATE IT
IF YOU WOULDN'T BOTHER US, ALL
RIGHT?
IF YOU WOULDN'T BOTHER US, ALL
RIGHT?
[As Steve] WELL, EXCU-U-SE
RIGHT?
[As Steve] WELL, EXCU-U-SE
ME!
[As Steve] WELL, EXCU-U-SE
ME!
LOOK, WOULD YOU JUST LEAVE US
ME!
LOOK, WOULD YOU JUST LEAVE US
ALONE AND STOP BOTHERING US,
LOOK, WOULD YOU JUST LEAVE US
ALONE AND STOP BOTHERING US,
PLEASE?
ALONE AND STOP BOTHERING US,
PLEASE?
WELL, EXCU-U-SE ME!
PLEASE?
WELL, EXCU-U-SE ME!
NOW, STOP IT!
WELL, EXCU-U-SE ME!
NOW, STOP IT!
WE ARE HUMAN BEINGS!
NOW, STOP IT!
WE ARE HUMAN BEINGS!
WE HAVE A RIGHT TO SOME PRIVACY!
WE ARE HUMAN BEINGS!
WE HAVE A RIGHT TO SOME PRIVACY!
[Normal voice] OH, COME ON!
WE HAVE A RIGHT TO SOME PRIVACY!
[Normal voice] OH, COME ON!
WHY DID YOU GO INTO SHOW
[Normal voice] OH, COME ON!
WHY DID YOU GO INTO SHOW
BUSINESS, ANYWAY?
WHY DID YOU GO INTO SHOW
BUSINESS, ANYWAY?
TO BE FAMOUS, RIGHT?
BUSINESS, ANYWAY?
TO BE FAMOUS, RIGHT?
NO, WE WANTED TO BE ARTISTS!
TO BE FAMOUS, RIGHT?
NO, WE WANTED TO BE ARTISTS!
WELL, THEN WHY DID YOU GO ON
NO, WE WANTED TO BE ARTISTS!
WELL, THEN WHY DID YOU GO ON
THE BOB HOPE SPECIAL?
WELL, THEN WHY DID YOU GO ON
THE BOB HOPE SPECIAL?
WELL, THE BOB HOPE SPECIAL,
THE BOB HOPE SPECIAL?
WELL, THE BOB HOPE SPECIAL,
YOU DO THAT, YOU DO
WELL, THE BOB HOPE SPECIAL,
YOU DO THAT, YOU DO
"THE TONIGHT SHOW"...
YOU DO THAT, YOU DO
"THE TONIGHT SHOW"...
EVERYTHING!
"THE TONIGHT SHOW"...
EVERYTHING!
YOU DO "SATURDAY NIGHT"!
EVERYTHING!
YOU DO "SATURDAY NIGHT"!
IT'S ALL PART OF...
[MIDDLE-EASTERN MUSIC PLAYS]
♪ KING TUT ♪
YO, STICK AROUND.
♪ KING TUT ♪
YO, STICK AROUND.
WE'LL FINISH THIS SKETCH ON
YO, STICK AROUND.
WE'LL FINISH THIS SKETCH ON
THE NEXT SHOW I'M ON, IN
WE'LL FINISH THIS SKETCH ON
THE NEXT SHOW I'M ON, IN
FEBRUARY.
THE NEXT SHOW I'M ON, IN
FEBRUARY.
WE HAD A TECHNICAL PROBLEM
FEBRUARY.
WE HAD A TECHNICAL PROBLEM
TONIGHT.
WE HAD A TECHNICAL PROBLEM
TONIGHT.
THANKS FOR BEARING WITH US!
TONIGHT.
THANKS FOR BEARING WITH US!
WE'LL SEE YOU LATER!
MESSAGE FROM THE PRESIDENT OF
THE UNITED STATES.
MESSAGE FROM THE PRESIDENT OF
THE UNITED STATES.
GOOD EVENING.
THE UNITED STATES.
GOOD EVENING.
ON TUESDAY, WE AMERICANS WILL
GOOD EVENING.
ON TUESDAY, WE AMERICANS WILL
HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO EXERCISE
ON TUESDAY, WE AMERICANS WILL
HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO EXERCISE
OUR ROLE AS CITIZENS IN A FREE
HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO EXERCISE
OUR ROLE AS CITIZENS IN A FREE
DEMOCRACY.
OUR ROLE AS CITIZENS IN A FREE
DEMOCRACY.
YET ONLY 1/3 OF THE ELIGIBLE
DEMOCRACY.
YET ONLY 1/3 OF THE ELIGIBLE
VOTERS WILL ACTUALLY CAST
YET ONLY 1/3 OF THE ELIGIBLE
VOTERS WILL ACTUALLY CAST
BALLOTS.
VOTERS WILL ACTUALLY CAST
BALLOTS.
THE OTHER 2/3 ARE, IN A SENSE,
BALLOTS.
THE OTHER 2/3 ARE, IN A SENSE,
VERY LUCKY...
THE OTHER 2/3 ARE, IN A SENSE,
VERY LUCKY...
BECAUSE THEY DO NOT KNOW WHAT'S
VERY LUCKY...
BECAUSE THEY DO NOT KNOW WHAT'S
GOING ON.
BECAUSE THEY DO NOT KNOW WHAT'S
GOING ON.
LAST WEEK, I DELIVERED A MESSAGE
GOING ON.
LAST WEEK, I DELIVERED A MESSAGE
ON INFLATION.
LAST WEEK, I DELIVERED A MESSAGE
ON INFLATION.
SINCE THEN, THE DOLLAR HAS
ON INFLATION.
SINCE THEN, THE DOLLAR HAS
DROPPED IN VALUE, THE
SINCE THEN, THE DOLLAR HAS
DROPPED IN VALUE, THE
STOCK MARKET SUSTAINED RECORD
DROPPED IN VALUE, THE
STOCK MARKET SUSTAINED RECORD
LOSSES, AND THE WHOLESALE PRICE
STOCK MARKET SUSTAINED RECORD
LOSSES, AND THE WHOLESALE PRICE
INDEX INCREASED .9%.
LOSSES, AND THE WHOLESALE PRICE
INDEX INCREASED .9%.
IN OTHER WORDS, OUR ECONOMIC
INDEX INCREASED .9%.
IN OTHER WORDS, OUR ECONOMIC
SYSTEM IS SCREWED, BLUED, AND
IN OTHER WORDS, OUR ECONOMIC
SYSTEM IS SCREWED, BLUED, AND
TATTOOED.
WE JUST HAVE TO FACE THE FACT
THAT THERE'S SIMPLY NO WAY
TO FIGHT INFLATION IN THE
THAT THERE'S SIMPLY NO WAY
TO FIGHT INFLATION IN THE
CAPITAL-INTENSIVE,
TO FIGHT INFLATION IN THE
CAPITAL-INTENSIVE,
HIGHLY TECHNOLOGICAL,
CAPITAL-INTENSIVE,
HIGHLY TECHNOLOGICAL,
WAR-TORN, CONFLICT-RIDDLED,
HIGHLY TECHNOLOGICAL,
WAR-TORN, CONFLICT-RIDDLED,
ANYTHING-FOR-A-THRILL WORLD OF
WAR-TORN, CONFLICT-RIDDLED,
ANYTHING-FOR-A-THRILL WORLD OF
TODAY.
ANYTHING-FOR-A-THRILL WORLD OF
TODAY.
THAT'S WHY, TONIGHT, I WANT YOU
TODAY.
THAT'S WHY, TONIGHT, I WANT YOU
TO TRY TO LOOK AT INFLATION IN
THAT'S WHY, TONIGHT, I WANT YOU
TO TRY TO LOOK AT INFLATION IN
AN ENTIRELY NEW WAY.
TO TRY TO LOOK AT INFLATION IN
AN ENTIRELY NEW WAY.
INFLATION IS OUR FRIEND.
AN ENTIRELY NEW WAY.
INFLATION IS OUR FRIEND.
FOR EXAMPLE, CONSIDER THIS...
INFLATION IS OUR FRIEND.
FOR EXAMPLE, CONSIDER THIS...
IN THE YEAR 2000, IF CURRENT
FOR EXAMPLE, CONSIDER THIS...
IN THE YEAR 2000, IF CURRENT
TRENDS CONTINUE, THE AVERAGE
IN THE YEAR 2000, IF CURRENT
TRENDS CONTINUE, THE AVERAGE
BLUE-COLLAR ANNUAL WAGE IN THIS
TRENDS CONTINUE, THE AVERAGE
BLUE-COLLAR ANNUAL WAGE IN THIS
COUNTRY WILL BE $568,000.
BLUE-COLLAR ANNUAL WAGE IN THIS
COUNTRY WILL BE $568,000.
THINK WHAT THIS INFLATED WORLD
COUNTRY WILL BE $568,000.
THINK WHAT THIS INFLATED WORLD
OF THE FUTURE WILL MEAN...
THINK WHAT THIS INFLATED WORLD
OF THE FUTURE WILL MEAN...
MOST AMERICANS WILL BE
OF THE FUTURE WILL MEAN...
MOST AMERICANS WILL BE
MILLIONAIRES.
MOST AMERICANS WILL BE
MILLIONAIRES.
EVERYONE WILL FEEL LIKE A BIG
MILLIONAIRES.
EVERYONE WILL FEEL LIKE A BIG
SHOT.
EVERYONE WILL FEEL LIKE A BIG
SHOT.
WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO OWN A
SHOT.
WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO OWN A
$4,000 SUIT?
WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO OWN A
$4,000 SUIT?
AND SMOKE A $75 CIGAR?
$4,000 SUIT?
AND SMOKE A $75 CIGAR?
DRIVE A $600,000 CAR?
AND SMOKE A $75 CIGAR?
DRIVE A $600,000 CAR?
I KNOW I WOULD.
DRIVE A $600,000 CAR?
I KNOW I WOULD.
BUT WHAT ABOUT PEOPLE ON FIXED
I KNOW I WOULD.
BUT WHAT ABOUT PEOPLE ON FIXED
INCOMES?
BUT WHAT ABOUT PEOPLE ON FIXED
INCOMES?
THEY HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THE TRUE
INCOMES?
THEY HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THE TRUE
VICTIMS OF INFLATION.
THEY HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THE TRUE
VICTIMS OF INFLATION.
THAT'S WHY I WILL PRESENT TO
VICTIMS OF INFLATION.
THAT'S WHY I WILL PRESENT TO
CONGRESS THE INFLATION
THAT'S WHY I WILL PRESENT TO
CONGRESS THE INFLATION
MAINTENANCE PROGRAM, WHEREBY THE
CONGRESS THE INFLATION
MAINTENANCE PROGRAM, WHEREBY THE
U.S. TREASURY WILL MAKE UP ANY
MAINTENANCE PROGRAM, WHEREBY THE
U.S. TREASURY WILL MAKE UP ANY
INFLATION COST LOSSES THROUGH
U.S. TREASURY WILL MAKE UP ANY
INFLATION COST LOSSES THROUGH
DIRECT TAX REBATES TO THE
INFLATION COST LOSSES THROUGH
DIRECT TAX REBATES TO THE
PUBLIC, IN CASH.
DIRECT TAX REBATES TO THE
PUBLIC, IN CASH.
NOW, YOU MAY SAY, "WON'T THAT
PUBLIC, IN CASH.
NOW, YOU MAY SAY, "WON'T THAT
COST A LOT OF MONEY?
NOW, YOU MAY SAY, "WON'T THAT
COST A LOT OF MONEY?
WON'T THAT INCREASE THE
COST A LOT OF MONEY?
WON'T THAT INCREASE THE
DEFICIT?"
WON'T THAT INCREASE THE
DEFICIT?"
SURE IT WILL.
DEFICIT?"
SURE IT WILL.
BUT SO WHAT?
SURE IT WILL.
BUT SO WHAT?
WE'LL JUST PRINT MORE MONEY.
BUT SO WHAT?
WE'LL JUST PRINT MORE MONEY.
WE HAVE THE PAPERS.
WE'LL JUST PRINT MORE MONEY.
WE HAVE THE PAPERS.
WE HAVE THE MINTS.
WE HAVE THE PAPERS.
WE HAVE THE MINTS.
I CAN JUST CALL UP THE BUREAU OF
WE HAVE THE MINTS.
I CAN JUST CALL UP THE BUREAU OF
ENGRAVING AND SAY, "HI.
I CAN JUST CALL UP THE BUREAU OF
ENGRAVING AND SAY, "HI.
THIS IS JIMMY.
ENGRAVING AND SAY, "HI.
THIS IS JIMMY.
ROLL OFF SOME OF THEM $20s.
THIS IS JIMMY.
ROLL OFF SOME OF THEM $20s.
PRINT UP A COUPLE A THOUSAND
ROLL OFF SOME OF THEM $20s.
PRINT UP A COUPLE A THOUSAND
SHEETS OF THOSE CENTURY NOTES."
PRINT UP A COUPLE A THOUSAND
SHEETS OF THOSE CENTURY NOTES."
SURE, THE GLUT OF DOLLARS WILL
SHEETS OF THOSE CENTURY NOTES."
SURE, THE GLUT OF DOLLARS WILL
CAUSE EVEN MORE INFLATION, BUT
SURE, THE GLUT OF DOLLARS WILL
CAUSE EVEN MORE INFLATION, BUT
WHO CARES?
CAUSE EVEN MORE INFLATION, BUT
WHO CARES?
EVERYBODY WILL BE A MILLIONAIRE.
WHO CARES?
EVERYBODY WILL BE A MILLIONAIRE.
IN MY SPEECH LAST WEEK, I SAID
EVERYBODY WILL BE A MILLIONAIRE.
IN MY SPEECH LAST WEEK, I SAID
THAT AMERICA WOULD HAVE TO
IN MY SPEECH LAST WEEK, I SAID
THAT AMERICA WOULD HAVE TO
UNDERGO AN AUSTERITY PROGRAM,
THAT AMERICA WOULD HAVE TO
UNDERGO AN AUSTERITY PROGRAM,
BUT SINCE THIS REVOLUTIONARY NEW
UNDERGO AN AUSTERITY PROGRAM,
BUT SINCE THIS REVOLUTIONARY NEW
APPROACH WELCOMES INFLATION, OUR
BUT SINCE THIS REVOLUTIONARY NEW
APPROACH WELCOMES INFLATION, OUR
ECONOMY WILL BE FREE TO GROW,
APPROACH WELCOMES INFLATION, OUR
ECONOMY WILL BE FREE TO GROW,
AND WE CAN SPEND, SPEND, SPEND.
ECONOMY WILL BE FREE TO GROW,
AND WE CAN SPEND, SPEND, SPEND.
I BELIEVE THE WATCHWORDS FOR THE
AND WE CAN SPEND, SPEND, SPEND.
I BELIEVE THE WATCHWORDS FOR THE
'80s SHOULD BE "LET'S PARTY."
AND IN THAT SPIRIT, I'D LIKE TO
SAY, "LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
'SATURDAY NIGHT.'"
SAY, "LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
'SATURDAY NIGHT.'"
[BAND PLAYS]
Announcer: IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE."
WITH STEVE MARTIN.
STARRING DAN AYKROYD.
JOHN BELUSHI.
JANE CURTIN.
JOHN BELUSHI.
JANE CURTIN.
GARRETT MORRIS.
JANE CURTIN.
GARRETT MORRIS.
BILL MURRAY.
GARRETT MORRIS.
BILL MURRAY.
LARAINE NEWMAN.
BILL MURRAY.
LARAINE NEWMAN.
AND GILDA RADNER.
WITH MUSICAL GUEST VAN MORRISON.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
STEVE MARTIN!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I HAVE
TO BE HONEST WITH YOU.
UM, I DO NOT FEEL WELL TONIGHT.
TO BE HONEST WITH YOU.
UM, I DO NOT FEEL WELL TONIGHT.
[LAUGHTER]
UM, I DO NOT FEEL WELL TONIGHT.
[LAUGHTER]
I WOKE UP THIS MORNING WITH A
[LAUGHTER]
I WOKE UP THIS MORNING WITH A
SPLITTING HEADACHE.
I WOKE UP THIS MORNING WITH A
SPLITTING HEADACHE.
IT WAS AS THOUGH MY HEAD WERE IN
SPLITTING HEADACHE.
IT WAS AS THOUGH MY HEAD WERE IN
A VICE.
IT WAS AS THOUGH MY HEAD WERE IN
A VICE.
[LAUGHTER]
A VICE.
[LAUGHTER]
I THOUGHT IT WOULD GO AWAY, BUT
[LAUGHTER]
I THOUGHT IT WOULD GO AWAY, BUT
IT HASN'T.
I THOUGHT IT WOULD GO AWAY, BUT
IT HASN'T.
I TOOK SOME ASPIRIN... IT MEANT
IT HASN'T.
I TOOK SOME ASPIRIN... IT MEANT
NOTHING.
I TOOK SOME ASPIRIN... IT MEANT
NOTHING.
BUT I'VE DECIDED TO CONTINUE
NOTHING.
BUT I'VE DECIDED TO CONTINUE
WITH THE SHOW ANYWAY.
BUT I'VE DECIDED TO CONTINUE
WITH THE SHOW ANYWAY.
PARDON ME? WHAT?
WITH THE SHOW ANYWAY.
PARDON ME? WHAT?
THERE'S A CLAMP ON MY HEAD?
PARDON ME? WHAT?
THERE'S A CLAMP ON MY HEAD?
OH!
THERE'S A CLAMP ON MY HEAD?
OH!
[LAUGHS]
OH!
[LAUGHS]
OH!
[LAUGHS]
OH!
THOSE...
OH!
THOSE...
[APPLAUSE]
THOSE...
[APPLAUSE]
THOSE "SATURDAY NIGHT" PEOPLE.
[APPLAUSE]
THOSE "SATURDAY NIGHT" PEOPLE.
THEY DIDN'T EVEN TELL ME.
THOSE "SATURDAY NIGHT" PEOPLE.
THEY DIDN'T EVEN TELL ME.
I WENT THROUGH MAKEUP AND
THEY DIDN'T EVEN TELL ME.
I WENT THROUGH MAKEUP AND
EVERYTHING, AND NOBODY SAID A
I WENT THROUGH MAKEUP AND
EVERYTHING, AND NOBODY SAID A
WORD.
EVERYTHING, AND NOBODY SAID A
WORD.
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
WORD.
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
YOU'RE SAYING, "OH, I'LL BET
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
YOU'RE SAYING, "OH, I'LL BET
HE'S ON DRUGS."
YOU'RE SAYING, "OH, I'LL BET
HE'S ON DRUGS."
[LAUGHTER]
HE'S ON DRUGS."
[LAUGHTER]
WELL, I'LL BE HONEST WITH YOU.
[LAUGHTER]
WELL, I'LL BE HONEST WITH YOU.
I USED TO SMOKE MARIJUANA.
WELL, I'LL BE HONEST WITH YOU.
I USED TO SMOKE MARIJUANA.
[PANTING]
I USED TO SMOKE MARIJUANA.
[PANTING]
BUT I WOULD ONLY SMOKE IT IN THE
[PANTING]
BUT I WOULD ONLY SMOKE IT IN THE
LATE EVENING.
BUT I WOULD ONLY SMOKE IT IN THE
LATE EVENING.
OH, OCCASIONALLY THE EARLY
LATE EVENING.
OH, OCCASIONALLY THE EARLY
EVENING OR MID-EVENING, BUT THAT
OH, OCCASIONALLY THE EARLY
EVENING OR MID-EVENING, BUT THAT
WAS IT... THE LATE EVENING,
EVENING OR MID-EVENING, BUT THAT
WAS IT... THE LATE EVENING,
MID-EVENING, OR EARLY EVENING,
WAS IT... THE LATE EVENING,
MID-EVENING, OR EARLY EVENING,
BUT THAT WAS IT.
MID-EVENING, OR EARLY EVENING,
BUT THAT WAS IT.
OH, OCCASIONALLY THE EARLY
BUT THAT WAS IT.
OH, OCCASIONALLY THE EARLY
MORNING OR...
OH, OCCASIONALLY THE EARLY
MORNING OR...
OH, THE MID-MORNING, BUT...
MORNING OR...
OH, THE MID-MORNING, BUT...
MAYBE THE LATE MORNING, BUT
OH, THE MID-MORNING, BUT...
MAYBE THE LATE MORNING, BUT
OCCASIONALLY THE EARLY MID-LATE
MAYBE THE LATE MORNING, BUT
OCCASIONALLY THE EARLY MID-LATE
MORNING OR SOMETIMES THE
OCCASIONALLY THE EARLY MID-LATE
MORNING OR SOMETIMES THE
MID-EARLY MORNING OR... OR THE
MORNING OR SOMETIMES THE
MID-EARLY MORNING OR... OR THE
LATE AFTERNOON.
MID-EARLY MORNING OR... OR THE
LATE AFTERNOON.
SOMETIMES THE MID-EARLY LATE
LATE AFTERNOON.
SOMETIMES THE MID-EARLY LATE
AFTERNOON.
SOMETIMES THE MID-EARLY LATE
AFTERNOON.
BUT NEVER AT DUSK.
AFTERNOON.
BUT NEVER AT DUSK.
NO!
BUT NEVER AT DUSK.
NO!
I WOULD NEVER SMOKE IT AT DUSK.
NO!
I WOULD NEVER SMOKE IT AT DUSK.
NO!
I WOULD NEVER SMOKE IT AT DUSK.
NO!
NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER,
NO!
NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER,
NEVER!
NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER,
NEVER!
BECAUSE THAT'S WHEN THE LITTLE
NEVER!
BECAUSE THAT'S WHEN THE LITTLE
FAT MEN WOULD COME.
BECAUSE THAT'S WHEN THE LITTLE
FAT MEN WOULD COME.
AND THEY WOULD DO THINGS TO ME.
FAT MEN WOULD COME.
AND THEY WOULD DO THINGS TO ME.
THEY'D GO, "WHOA!"
AND THEY WOULD DO THINGS TO ME.
THEY'D GO, "WHOA!"
AND I LIKED IT.
THEY'D GO, "WHOA!"
AND I LIKED IT.
[LAUGHING]
AND I LIKED IT.
[LAUGHING]
BUT I QUIT THAT.
[LAUGHING]
BUT I QUIT THAT.
I'VE QUIT ALL DRUGS.
BUT I QUIT THAT.
I'VE QUIT ALL DRUGS.
WELL...
I'VE QUIT ALL DRUGS.
WELL...
LET ME SAY ONE THING.
WELL...
LET ME SAY ONE THING.
UM, I TWISTED MY ANKLE EARLY
LET ME SAY ONE THING.
UM, I TWISTED MY ANKLE EARLY
THIS MORNING, AND I WAS IN QUITE
UM, I TWISTED MY ANKLE EARLY
THIS MORNING, AND I WAS IN QUITE
A BIT OF PAIN.
THIS MORNING, AND I WAS IN QUITE
A BIT OF PAIN.
SO I WENT TO THE DOCTOR, AND I
A BIT OF PAIN.
SO I WENT TO THE DOCTOR, AND I
ASKED HIM TO GIVE ME SOME PAIN
SO I WENT TO THE DOCTOR, AND I
ASKED HIM TO GIVE ME SOME PAIN
PILLS.
ASKED HIM TO GIVE ME SOME PAIN
PILLS.
AND HE DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT, BUT
PILLS.
AND HE DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT, BUT
I TALKED HIM INTO IT.
AND HE DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT, BUT
I TALKED HIM INTO IT.
SO HE GAVE ME SOME PILLS... AND
I TALKED HIM INTO IT.
SO HE GAVE ME SOME PILLS... AND
I SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THIS...
SO HE GAVE ME SOME PILLS... AND
I SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THIS...
I TOOK SOME ABOUT AN HOUR BEFORE
I SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THIS...
I TOOK SOME ABOUT AN HOUR BEFORE
THE SHOW TONIGHT, AND RIGHT NOW
I TOOK SOME ABOUT AN HOUR BEFORE
THE SHOW TONIGHT, AND RIGHT NOW
I AM HIGH AS A KITE.
THE SHOW TONIGHT, AND RIGHT NOW
I AM HIGH AS A KITE.
I MEAN...
I AM HIGH AS A KITE.
I MEAN...
[APPLAUSE]
I MEAN...
[APPLAUSE]
IT IS UNBELIEVABLE.
[APPLAUSE]
IT IS UNBELIEVABLE.
AND I WOULD NEVER SAY THIS TO
IT IS UNBELIEVABLE.
AND I WOULD NEVER SAY THIS TO
PEOPLE, BUT, IN THIS CASE, IF
AND I WOULD NEVER SAY THIS TO
PEOPLE, BUT, IN THIS CASE, IF
YOU EVER GET A CHANCE TO TAKE
PEOPLE, BUT, IN THIS CASE, IF
YOU EVER GET A CHANCE TO TAKE
THESE DRUGS, DO IT.
YOU EVER GET A CHANCE TO TAKE
THESE DRUGS, DO IT.
THEY'RE CALLED...
THESE DRUGS, DO IT.
THEY'RE CALLED...
PLACEBOS.
THEY'RE CALLED...
PLACEBOS.
[LAUGHTER]
PLACEBOS.
[LAUGHTER]
I MEAN, I'M TAKING THEM RIGHT
[LAUGHTER]
I MEAN, I'M TAKING THEM RIGHT
NOW.
I MEAN, I'M TAKING THEM RIGHT
NOW.
I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE I AM AT
NOW.
I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE I AM AT
ALL.
I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE I AM AT
ALL.
PLACEBO.
ALL.
PLACEBO.
YOU KNOW, LAST TIME I WAS ON THE
PLACEBO.
YOU KNOW, LAST TIME I WAS ON THE
SHOW, I DID A LITTLE COMEDY
YOU KNOW, LAST TIME I WAS ON THE
SHOW, I DID A LITTLE COMEDY
ROUTINE WITH BILL MURRAY.
SHOW, I DID A LITTLE COMEDY
ROUTINE WITH BILL MURRAY.
AND IT WORKED OUT VERY WELL.
ROUTINE WITH BILL MURRAY.
AND IT WORKED OUT VERY WELL.
KIND OF A COMEDY PICKPOCKET
AND IT WORKED OUT VERY WELL.
KIND OF A COMEDY PICKPOCKET
THING.
KIND OF A COMEDY PICKPOCKET
THING.
AND THIS TIME, WE DECIDED TO DO
THING.
AND THIS TIME, WE DECIDED TO DO
ANOTHER ROUTINE.
AND THIS TIME, WE DECIDED TO DO
ANOTHER ROUTINE.
HE'S A GREAT MAN.
ANOTHER ROUTINE.
HE'S A GREAT MAN.
LET'S BRING HIM OUT.
HE'S A GREAT MAN.
LET'S BRING HIM OUT.
BILL MURRAY!
LET'S BRING HIM OUT.
BILL MURRAY!
BILL.
BILL MURRAY!
BILL.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WITHOUT SOUNDING CORNY, BILL IS
REALLY AN ARTIST.
HE'S AN ACTOR.
REALLY AN ARTIST.
HE'S AN ACTOR.
AND IT'S FUN TO WORK WITH
HE'S AN ACTOR.
AND IT'S FUN TO WORK WITH
SOMEONE WITH THIS KIND OF
AND IT'S FUN TO WORK WITH
SOMEONE WITH THIS KIND OF
KNOWLEDGE OF SHOWBIZ.
SOMEONE WITH THIS KIND OF
KNOWLEDGE OF SHOWBIZ.
BILL, TAKE A BOW.
KNOWLEDGE OF SHOWBIZ.
BILL, TAKE A BOW.
[APPLAUSE]
BILL, TAKE A BOW.
[APPLAUSE]
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
[LAUGHTER]
BILL, IT'S REALLY A PLEASURE
[LAUGHTER]
BILL, IT'S REALLY A PLEASURE
WORKING WITH YOU.
BILL, IT'S REALLY A PLEASURE
WORKING WITH YOU.
IT'S GREAT WORKING WITH YOU,
WORKING WITH YOU.
IT'S GREAT WORKING WITH YOU,
TOO, STEVE.
IT'S GREAT WORKING WITH YOU,
TOO, STEVE.
SHAKE.
TOO, STEVE.
SHAKE.
[LAUGHTER]
SHAKE.
[LAUGHTER]
BILL, UM...
[LAUGHTER]
BILL, UM...
TODAY IS NOVEMBER 4th, AND I'LL
BILL, UM...
TODAY IS NOVEMBER 4th, AND I'LL
BE GOING ON A PROMOTIONAL TOUR
TODAY IS NOVEMBER 4th, AND I'LL
BE GOING ON A PROMOTIONAL TOUR
FOR MY NEW ALBUM UNTIL
BE GOING ON A PROMOTIONAL TOUR
FOR MY NEW ALBUM UNTIL
NOVEMBER 18th.
FOR MY NEW ALBUM UNTIL
NOVEMBER 18th.
HOW MANY DAYS IS THAT?
NOVEMBER 18th.
HOW MANY DAYS IS THAT?
14.
HOW MANY DAYS IS THAT?
14.
AND HOW MANY WEEKS?
14.
AND HOW MANY WEEKS?
TWO WEEKS.
AND HOW MANY WEEKS?
TWO WEEKS.
[APPLAUSE]
TWO WEEKS.
[APPLAUSE]
BILL, I DIDN'T BRING MY BANJO
[APPLAUSE]
BILL, I DIDN'T BRING MY BANJO
WITH ME TONIGHT, AND I'M SURE
BILL, I DIDN'T BRING MY BANJO
WITH ME TONIGHT, AND I'M SURE
THE PEOPLE WOULD LOVE TO HEAR
WITH ME TONIGHT, AND I'M SURE
THE PEOPLE WOULD LOVE TO HEAR
SOME MUSIC.
THE PEOPLE WOULD LOVE TO HEAR
SOME MUSIC.
UH, WHAT'S ONE OF YOUR FAVORITE
SOME MUSIC.
UH, WHAT'S ONE OF YOUR FAVORITE
SONGS?
UH, WHAT'S ONE OF YOUR FAVORITE
SONGS?
"MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB."
SONGS?
"MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB."
OH, THAT'S A GOOD TUNE.
"MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB."
OH, THAT'S A GOOD TUNE.
MAYBE YOU COULD PLAY IT FOR US A
OH, THAT'S A GOOD TUNE.
MAYBE YOU COULD PLAY IT FOR US A
LITTLE BIT.
MAYBE YOU COULD PLAY IT FOR US A
LITTLE BIT.
SURE. I'D LOVE TO.
LITTLE BIT.
SURE. I'D LOVE TO.
[LAUGHTER]
SURE. I'D LOVE TO.
[LAUGHTER]
["MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB"
[LAUGHTER]
["MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB"
PLAYS]
THAT'S GREAT, BILL.
[APPLAUSE]
BILL...
[APPLAUSE]
BILL...
BILL, DO YOU THINK YOU'D BE ABLE
BILL...
BILL, DO YOU THINK YOU'D BE ABLE
TO JUMP THROUGH A HOOP?
BILL, DO YOU THINK YOU'D BE ABLE
TO JUMP THROUGH A HOOP?
SURE.
TO JUMP THROUGH A HOOP?
SURE.
OKAY.
SURE.
OKAY.
COME ON OUT HERE.
OKAY.
COME ON OUT HERE.
LET'S GIVE IT A TRY AND SEE WHAT
COME ON OUT HERE.
LET'S GIVE IT A TRY AND SEE WHAT
HAPPENS.
LET'S GIVE IT A TRY AND SEE WHAT
HAPPENS.
[LAUGHTER]
HAPPENS.
[LAUGHTER]
[DRUMROLL]
[LAUGHTER]
[DRUMROLL]
GO, BILL!
[DRUMROLL]
GO, BILL!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
GO, BILL!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
ISN'T HE GREAT?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
ISN'T HE GREAT?
BILL MURRAY.
ISN'T HE GREAT?
BILL MURRAY.
WHAT A FABULOUS GUY.
BILL MURRAY.
WHAT A FABULOUS GUY.
[APPLAUSE CONTINUES]
WHAT A FABULOUS GUY.
[APPLAUSE CONTINUES]
WELL, THAT'S IT.
[APPLAUSE CONTINUES]
WELL, THAT'S IT.
THAT'S OUR COMEDY ROUTINE.
WELL, THAT'S IT.
THAT'S OUR COMEDY ROUTINE.
I THINK IT WENT REAL WELL.
THAT'S OUR COMEDY ROUTINE.
I THINK IT WENT REAL WELL.
AND IT'S JUST A REAL PLEASURE
I THINK IT WENT REAL WELL.
AND IT'S JUST A REAL PLEASURE
FOR ME TO COME BACK AND WORK
AND IT'S JUST A REAL PLEASURE
FOR ME TO COME BACK AND WORK
WITH THE PEOPLE AT
FOR ME TO COME BACK AND WORK
WITH THE PEOPLE AT
"SATURDAY NIGHT."
WITH THE PEOPLE AT
"SATURDAY NIGHT."
WE GOT A BIG SHOW AHEAD OF US.
"SATURDAY NIGHT."
WE GOT A BIG SHOW AHEAD OF US.
AND I'M ANXIOUS TO GET ON WITH
WE GOT A BIG SHOW AHEAD OF US.
AND I'M ANXIOUS TO GET ON WITH
IT, BECAUSE "SATURDAY NIGHT'S"
AND I'M ANXIOUS TO GET ON WITH
IT, BECAUSE "SATURDAY NIGHT'S"
A SPECIAL SHOW FOR ME.
IT, BECAUSE "SATURDAY NIGHT'S"
A SPECIAL SHOW FOR ME.
I LIKE WORKING WITH THE PEOPLE,
A SPECIAL SHOW FOR ME.
I LIKE WORKING WITH THE PEOPLE,
AND ALL THE PEOPLE ARE SUCH
I LIKE WORKING WITH THE PEOPLE,
AND ALL THE PEOPLE ARE SUCH
GREAT PERFORMERS THAT WHEN WE'RE
AND ALL THE PEOPLE ARE SUCH
GREAT PERFORMERS THAT WHEN WE'RE
TOGETHER, IT'S MORE LIKE A
GREAT PERFORMERS THAT WHEN WE'RE
TOGETHER, IT'S MORE LIKE A
RAPPORT.
TOGETHER, IT'S MORE LIKE A
RAPPORT.
AND THAT'S WHAT I THINK IS FUN,
RAPPORT.
AND THAT'S WHAT I THINK IS FUN,
WHEN YOU HAVE THIS KIND OF A
AND THAT'S WHAT I THINK IS FUN,
WHEN YOU HAVE THIS KIND OF A
THING.
WHEN YOU HAVE THIS KIND OF A
THING.
AND, UM...
THING.
AND, UM...
YOU KNOW, WE HAVE A LOT OF FUNNY
AND, UM...
YOU KNOW, WE HAVE A LOT OF FUNNY
BITS TO DO TONIGHT, A LOT OF
YOU KNOW, WE HAVE A LOT OF FUNNY
BITS TO DO TONIGHT, A LOT OF
SING...
BITS TO DO TONIGHT, A LOT OF
SING...
BILL.
SING...
BILL.
AND A LOT OF SINGLE PIECES.
BILL.
AND A LOT OF SINGLE PIECES.
WE'VE GOT MUSIC.
AND A LOT OF SINGLE PIECES.
WE'VE GOT MUSIC.
VAN MORRISON, THE SPECIAL GUEST.
WE'VE GOT MUSIC.
VAN MORRISON, THE SPECIAL GUEST.
HE'S FABULOUS, AND...
VAN MORRISON, THE SPECIAL GUEST.
HE'S FABULOUS, AND...
[APPLAUSE]
HE'S FABULOUS, AND...
[APPLAUSE]
TO ACTUALLY BE IN THIS SHOW IS A
[APPLAUSE]
TO ACTUALLY BE IN THIS SHOW IS A
REAL THRILL.
TO ACTUALLY BE IN THIS SHOW IS A
REAL THRILL.
AND THAT'S... THAT'S WHAT I
REAL THRILL.
AND THAT'S... THAT'S WHAT I
LOOK...
AND THAT'S... THAT'S WHAT I
LOOK...
BILL.
LOOK...
BILL.
BILL, NOW, COME ON.
BILL.
BILL, NOW, COME ON.
YOU DON'T GET A CRACKER FOR
BILL, NOW, COME ON.
YOU DON'T GET A CRACKER FOR
THIS PART.
YOU DON'T GET A CRACKER FOR
THIS PART.
WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH.
THIS PART.
WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH.
STEVE, WHERE'S THE CRACKER?
WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH.
STEVE, WHERE'S THE CRACKER?
COME ON.
STEVE, WHERE'S THE CRACKER?
COME ON.
I'M SORRY, BILL.
COME ON.
I'M SORRY, BILL.
WE CAN'T GIVE A CRACKER AFTER
I'M SORRY, BILL.
WE CAN'T GIVE A CRACKER AFTER
EACH ROUTINE.
WE CAN'T GIVE A CRACKER AFTER
EACH ROUTINE.
I MEAN, THAT GETS TO BE VERY
EACH ROUTINE.
I MEAN, THAT GETS TO BE VERY
EXPENSIVE.
I MEAN, THAT GETS TO BE VERY
EXPENSIVE.
WAIT A SECOND.
EXPENSIVE.
WAIT A SECOND.
WE REHEARSED THIS BIT ALL WEEK
WAIT A SECOND.
WE REHEARSED THIS BIT ALL WEEK
LONG, AND EVERY TIME I JUMPED
WE REHEARSED THIS BIT ALL WEEK
LONG, AND EVERY TIME I JUMPED
THROUGH THE HOOP, YOU GAVE ME A
LONG, AND EVERY TIME I JUMPED
THROUGH THE HOOP, YOU GAVE ME A
CRACKER.
THROUGH THE HOOP, YOU GAVE ME A
CRACKER.
WELL, I'M SORRY.
CRACKER.
WELL, I'M SORRY.
WE JUST CAN'T GIVE A CRACKER IN
WELL, I'M SORRY.
WE JUST CAN'T GIVE A CRACKER IN
THESE KIND OF ACTS AFTER EACH
WE JUST CAN'T GIVE A CRACKER IN
THESE KIND OF ACTS AFTER EACH
TIME.
THESE KIND OF ACTS AFTER EACH
TIME.
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE ONLY DOING
TIME.
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE ONLY DOING
IT FOR THE CRACKER.
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE ONLY DOING
IT FOR THE CRACKER.
WELL, LISTEN, STEVE, I'VE
IT FOR THE CRACKER.
WELL, LISTEN, STEVE, I'VE
NEVER OPERATED ON ANYTHING BUT A
WELL, LISTEN, STEVE, I'VE
NEVER OPERATED ON ANYTHING BUT A
HANDSHAKE IN THIS BUSINESS,
NEVER OPERATED ON ANYTHING BUT A
HANDSHAKE IN THIS BUSINESS,
YOU KNOW?
HANDSHAKE IN THIS BUSINESS,
YOU KNOW?
AND I JUMPED THROUGH THE HOOP ON
YOU KNOW?
AND I JUMPED THROUGH THE HOOP ON
MONDAY.
AND I JUMPED THROUGH THE HOOP ON
MONDAY.
YOU GAVE ME A CRACKER.
MONDAY.
YOU GAVE ME A CRACKER.
TUESDAY, I DID IT AGAIN.
YOU GAVE ME A CRACKER.
TUESDAY, I DID IT AGAIN.
YOU GAVE ME ANOTHER CRACKER.
TUESDAY, I DID IT AGAIN.
YOU GAVE ME ANOTHER CRACKER.
WEDNESDAY, WE DIDN'T REHEARSE.
YOU GAVE ME ANOTHER CRACKER.
WEDNESDAY, WE DIDN'T REHEARSE.
I DIDN'T GET A CRACKER.
WEDNESDAY, WE DIDN'T REHEARSE.
I DIDN'T GET A CRACKER.
THURSDAY AND FRIDAY, WE DID IT
I DIDN'T GET A CRACKER.
THURSDAY AND FRIDAY, WE DID IT
FOUR TIMES... CRACKER, CRACKER,
THURSDAY AND FRIDAY, WE DID IT
FOUR TIMES... CRACKER, CRACKER,
CRACKER, CRACKER.
FOUR TIMES... CRACKER, CRACKER,
CRACKER, CRACKER.
WELL, BILL, I'M SORRY, BUT WE
CRACKER, CRACKER.
WELL, BILL, I'M SORRY, BUT WE
JUST CAN'T GIVE A CRACKER OUT
WELL, BILL, I'M SORRY, BUT WE
JUST CAN'T GIVE A CRACKER OUT
EACH TIME.
JUST CAN'T GIVE A CRACKER OUT
EACH TIME.
I'M SORRY. WE JUST CAN'T DO IT.
EACH TIME.
I'M SORRY. WE JUST CAN'T DO IT.
WELL, MAYBE I'LL JUST GO TELL
I'M SORRY. WE JUST CAN'T DO IT.
WELL, MAYBE I'LL JUST GO TELL
JANE AND GARRETT AND DAN THAT
WELL, MAYBE I'LL JUST GO TELL
JANE AND GARRETT AND DAN THAT
THERE'S NOT GONNA BE A CRACKER
JANE AND GARRETT AND DAN THAT
THERE'S NOT GONNA BE A CRACKER
FOR THE SHOW TONIGHT.
THERE'S NOT GONNA BE A CRACKER
FOR THE SHOW TONIGHT.
[Laughing] COME ON.
FOR THE SHOW TONIGHT.
[Laughing] COME ON.
YOU WOULDN'T DO THAT.
[Laughing] COME ON.
YOU WOULDN'T DO THAT.
MAYBE THEY WON'T DO THE
YOU WOULDN'T DO THAT.
MAYBE THEY WON'T DO THE
SHOW.
MAYBE THEY WON'T DO THE
SHOW.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
SHOW.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
Y-Y-YOU WOULDN'T DARE DO THAT.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
Y-Y-YOU WOULDN'T DARE DO THAT.
STEVE, I'M GONNA CALL YOUR
Y-Y-YOU WOULDN'T DARE DO THAT.
STEVE, I'M GONNA CALL YOUR
BLUFF.
STEVE, I'M GONNA CALL YOUR
BLUFF.
EITHER YOU GIVE ME A CRACKER OR
BLUFF.
EITHER YOU GIVE ME A CRACKER OR
I GO BACK TO THE DRESSING ROOM
EITHER YOU GIVE ME A CRACKER OR
I GO BACK TO THE DRESSING ROOM
AND SPILL MY GUTS.
I GO BACK TO THE DRESSING ROOM
AND SPILL MY GUTS.
AH, YOU...
AND SPILL MY GUTS.
AH, YOU...
[PANTING]
THANKS FOR THE CRACKER,
STEVE.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IF I'M
GOING TO HAVE TO GIVE A CRACKER
OUT AFTER EACH ROUTINE
GOING TO HAVE TO GIVE A CRACKER
OUT AFTER EACH ROUTINE
TONIGHT... TO EVERY MEMBER OF
OUT AFTER EACH ROUTINE
TONIGHT... TO EVERY MEMBER OF
THE CAST... THIS CHANGES THINGS
TONIGHT... TO EVERY MEMBER OF
THE CAST... THIS CHANGES THINGS
A LITTLE BIT FOR ME FINANCIALLY.
THE CAST... THIS CHANGES THINGS
A LITTLE BIT FOR ME FINANCIALLY.
I'M GONNA HAVE TO THINK ABOUT
A LITTLE BIT FOR ME FINANCIALLY.
I'M GONNA HAVE TO THINK ABOUT
THIS.
I'M GONNA HAVE TO THINK ABOUT
THIS.
AND WE MAY OR MAY NOT BE BACK
THIS.
AND WE MAY OR MAY NOT BE BACK
AFTER THIS COMMERCIAL.
AND WE MAY OR MAY NOT BE BACK
AFTER THIS COMMERCIAL.
[CLEARS THROAT]
AFTER THIS COMMERCIAL.
[CLEARS THROAT]
[APPLAUSE]
♪ LOVE ME TENDER ♪
Announcer: THE NEW JERSEY
CIVIC COLISEUM IS PROUD TO
Announcer: THE NEW JERSEY
CIVIC COLISEUM IS PROUD TO
PRESENT, APPEARING LIVE FOR A
CIVIC COLISEUM IS PROUD TO
PRESENT, APPEARING LIVE FOR A
LIMITED ENGAGEMENT...
PRESENT, APPEARING LIVE FOR A
LIMITED ENGAGEMENT...
ELVIS PRESLEY'S COAT!
LIMITED ENGAGEMENT...
ELVIS PRESLEY'S COAT!
HEAR THE HITS OF THE KING AND
ELVIS PRESLEY'S COAT!
HEAR THE HITS OF THE KING AND
SEE THE COAT THAT MADE HIM
HEAR THE HITS OF THE KING AND
SEE THE COAT THAT MADE HIM
FAMOUS.
SEE THE COAT THAT MADE HIM
FAMOUS.
♪ NUMBER 47 SAID TO NUMBER
FAMOUS.
♪ NUMBER 47 SAID TO NUMBER
3, "YOU'RE THE CUTEST JAILBIRD
♪ NUMBER 47 SAID TO NUMBER
3, "YOU'RE THE CUTEST JAILBIRD
I EVER DID SEE ♪
3, "YOU'RE THE CUTEST JAILBIRD
I EVER DID SEE ♪
♪ I SURE WOULD BE DELIGHTED WITH
I EVER DID SEE ♪
♪ I SURE WOULD BE DELIGHTED WITH
YOUR COMPANY ♪
♪ I SURE WOULD BE DELIGHTED WITH
YOUR COMPANY ♪
♪ COME ON AND DO THE JAILHOUSE
YOUR COMPANY ♪
♪ COME ON AND DO THE JAILHOUSE
ROCK WITH ME" ♪
♪ COME ON AND DO THE JAILHOUSE
ROCK WITH ME" ♪
♪ LET'S ROCK ♪
ROCK WITH ME" ♪
♪ LET'S ROCK ♪
IT'S SEXY!
♪ LET'S ROCK ♪
IT'S SEXY!
♪ I'M IN LOVE ♪
IT'S SEXY!
♪ I'M IN LOVE ♪
♪ I'M ALL SHOOK UP ♪
♪ I'M IN LOVE ♪
♪ I'M ALL SHOOK UP ♪
SIMPLY MIND-BOGGLING.
♪ I'M ALL SHOOK UP ♪
SIMPLY MIND-BOGGLING.
UNCANNY.
SIMPLY MIND-BOGGLING.
UNCANNY.
IT'S VISUAL.
UNCANNY.
IT'S VISUAL.
I THINK IT WAS REMARKABLE.
IT'S VISUAL.
I THINK IT WAS REMARKABLE.
I'M GONNA HAVE TO BRING THE
I THINK IT WAS REMARKABLE.
I'M GONNA HAVE TO BRING THE
KIDS.
I'M GONNA HAVE TO BRING THE
KIDS.
Announcer: SAID ONE CRITIC,
KIDS.
Announcer: SAID ONE CRITIC,
"IT WAS THE CLOSEST THING TO
Announcer: SAID ONE CRITIC,
"IT WAS THE CLOSEST THING TO
ELVIS HIMSELF."
"IT WAS THE CLOSEST THING TO
ELVIS HIMSELF."
♪ AND BLUE HAWAII ♪
ELVIS HIMSELF."
♪ AND BLUE HAWAII ♪
WELL, THE LIGHTS.
♪ AND BLUE HAWAII ♪
WELL, THE LIGHTS.
THE SOUNDS.
WELL, THE LIGHTS.
THE SOUNDS.
I THINK I'VE SEEN ALL OF THE
THE SOUNDS.
I THINK I'VE SEEN ALL OF THE
IMITATION-COAT SHOWS, BUT THEY
I THINK I'VE SEEN ALL OF THE
IMITATION-COAT SHOWS, BUT THEY
DON'T COMPARE TO THE REAL THING.
IMITATION-COAT SHOWS, BUT THEY
DON'T COMPARE TO THE REAL THING.
NOW THE STAGE IS BARE, AND
DON'T COMPARE TO THE REAL THING.
NOW THE STAGE IS BARE, AND
I'M STANDING THERE WITH
NOW THE STAGE IS BARE, AND
I'M STANDING THERE WITH
EMPTINESS ALL AROUND.
I'M STANDING THERE WITH
EMPTINESS ALL AROUND.
Announcer: THE KING MAY BE
EMPTINESS ALL AROUND.
Announcer: THE KING MAY BE
DEAD, BUT THE COAT LIVES ON.
ENGAGEMENT BEGINS TUESDAY,
NOVEMBER 7th.
IT'S A TRIP.
YOU REALLY HAVE TO SEE IT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]
GOOD EVENING.
I'M CRAIG BLAIR.
WELCOME AGAIN TO "WHAT IF?"
I'M CRAIG BLAIR.
WELCOME AGAIN TO "WHAT IF?"
EACH WEEK ON THE SHOW, WE ASK A
WELCOME AGAIN TO "WHAT IF?"
EACH WEEK ON THE SHOW, WE ASK A
HYPOTHETICAL QUESTION ABOUT A
EACH WEEK ON THE SHOW, WE ASK A
HYPOTHETICAL QUESTION ABOUT A
SPECIFIC HISTORICAL EVENT.
HYPOTHETICAL QUESTION ABOUT A
SPECIFIC HISTORICAL EVENT.
TONIGHT'S QUESTION COMES FROM A
SPECIFIC HISTORICAL EVENT.
TONIGHT'S QUESTION COMES FROM A
KEVIN O'DONNELL, AGE 10, A
TONIGHT'S QUESTION COMES FROM A
KEVIN O'DONNELL, AGE 10, A
PAPERBOY FROM ALTON, ILLINOIS.
KEVIN O'DONNELL, AGE 10, A
PAPERBOY FROM ALTON, ILLINOIS.
KEVIN ASKS, "WHAT IF
PAPERBOY FROM ALTON, ILLINOIS.
KEVIN ASKS, "WHAT IF
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT COULD FLY?"
KEVIN ASKS, "WHAT IF
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT COULD FLY?"
WITH US TO HELP ANSWER THIS
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT COULD FLY?"
WITH US TO HELP ANSWER THIS
QUESTION IS OUR PANEL OF
WITH US TO HELP ANSWER THIS
QUESTION IS OUR PANEL OF
EXPERTS.
QUESTION IS OUR PANEL OF
EXPERTS.
TONIGHT, SYLVIA REED, PROFESSOR
EXPERTS.
TONIGHT, SYLVIA REED, PROFESSOR
OF AMERICAN HISTORY AT
TONIGHT, SYLVIA REED, PROFESSOR
OF AMERICAN HISTORY AT
MOUNT HOLYOKE COLLEGE.
SHE IS AN AUTHORITY ON THE
PRESIDENCY AND ESPECIALLY FIRST
LADIES.
AND MR. GEORGE TEMPLE, AN
AVIATION DESIGN ENGINEER FROM
THE LOCKHEED CORPORATION.
PROFESSOR REED, WHAT IF
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT COULD FLY?
WELL, AT THE OUTSET, I WOULD
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT COULD FLY?
WELL, AT THE OUTSET, I WOULD
POINT OUT THAT ELEANOR ROOSEVELT
WELL, AT THE OUTSET, I WOULD
POINT OUT THAT ELEANOR ROOSEVELT
WAS PERHAPS OUR MOST OUTSTANDING
POINT OUT THAT ELEANOR ROOSEVELT
WAS PERHAPS OUR MOST OUTSTANDING
FIRST LADY, EVEN WITHOUT THE
WAS PERHAPS OUR MOST OUTSTANDING
FIRST LADY, EVEN WITHOUT THE
ABILITY TO FLY.
FIRST LADY, EVEN WITHOUT THE
ABILITY TO FLY.
OF COURSE, NONE OF OUR OTHER
ABILITY TO FLY.
OF COURSE, NONE OF OUR OTHER
FIRST LADIES COULD FLY, ALTHOUGH
OF COURSE, NONE OF OUR OTHER
FIRST LADIES COULD FLY, ALTHOUGH
MRS. CHESTER A. ARTHUR WAS A
FIRST LADIES COULD FLY, ALTHOUGH
MRS. CHESTER A. ARTHUR WAS A
GREAT LONG-DISTANCE JUMPER.
MRS. CHESTER A. ARTHUR WAS A
GREAT LONG-DISTANCE JUMPER.
AND MRS. ZACHARY TAYLOR COULD
GREAT LONG-DISTANCE JUMPER.
AND MRS. ZACHARY TAYLOR COULD
PUT HER ENTIRE FIST IN HER
AND MRS. ZACHARY TAYLOR COULD
PUT HER ENTIRE FIST IN HER
MOUTH.
PUT HER ENTIRE FIST IN HER
MOUTH.
BUT OF ALL THE FIRST LADIES, I
MOUTH.
BUT OF ALL THE FIRST LADIES, I
THINK ELEANOR ROOSEVELT COULD'VE
BUT OF ALL THE FIRST LADIES, I
THINK ELEANOR ROOSEVELT COULD'VE
MADE THE MOST OF THE GIFT OF
THINK ELEANOR ROOSEVELT COULD'VE
MADE THE MOST OF THE GIFT OF
FLIGHT.
MADE THE MOST OF THE GIFT OF
FLIGHT.
OF COURSE, WE SHOULD REMEMBER
FLIGHT.
OF COURSE, WE SHOULD REMEMBER
THAT DURING THE LATTER PART OF
OF COURSE, WE SHOULD REMEMBER
THAT DURING THE LATTER PART OF
MRS. ROOSEVELT'S TENURE AS THE
THAT DURING THE LATTER PART OF
MRS. ROOSEVELT'S TENURE AS THE
FIRST LADY, THIS COUNTRY WAS AT
MRS. ROOSEVELT'S TENURE AS THE
FIRST LADY, THIS COUNTRY WAS AT
WAR.
FIRST LADY, THIS COUNTRY WAS AT
WAR.
MR. TEMPLE, WHAT WOULD BE THE
WAR.
MR. TEMPLE, WHAT WOULD BE THE
MILITARY SIGNIFICANCE OF A
MR. TEMPLE, WHAT WOULD BE THE
MILITARY SIGNIFICANCE OF A
FLYING FIRST LADY?
MILITARY SIGNIFICANCE OF A
FLYING FIRST LADY?
UH, WELL, OUT AT LOCKHEED,
FLYING FIRST LADY?
UH, WELL, OUT AT LOCKHEED,
WE'VE PERFORMED WIND-TUNNEL
UH, WELL, OUT AT LOCKHEED,
WE'VE PERFORMED WIND-TUNNEL
TESTS ON ELDERLY WOMEN, AND
WE'VE PERFORMED WIND-TUNNEL
TESTS ON ELDERLY WOMEN, AND
WE'VE FOUND THAT THEY'RE
TESTS ON ELDERLY WOMEN, AND
WE'VE FOUND THAT THEY'RE
BASICALLY UNWIELDY AND REALLY
WE'VE FOUND THAT THEY'RE
BASICALLY UNWIELDY AND REALLY
COULDN'T PACK MUCH OF A PAYLOAD.
BASICALLY UNWIELDY AND REALLY
COULDN'T PACK MUCH OF A PAYLOAD.
BUT I THINK, IN THIS CASE, WE
COULDN'T PACK MUCH OF A PAYLOAD.
BUT I THINK, IN THIS CASE, WE
ARE TALKING ABOUT THE TREMENDOUS
BUT I THINK, IN THIS CASE, WE
ARE TALKING ABOUT THE TREMENDOUS
SYMBOLIC VALUE THAT A FLYING
ARE TALKING ABOUT THE TREMENDOUS
SYMBOLIC VALUE THAT A FLYING
FIRST LADY WOULD HAVE HAD.
SYMBOLIC VALUE THAT A FLYING
FIRST LADY WOULD HAVE HAD.
WHICH BRINGS US TO OUR
FIRST LADY WOULD HAVE HAD.
WHICH BRINGS US TO OUR
DRAMATIZATION OF TONIGHT'S
WHICH BRINGS US TO OUR
DRAMATIZATION OF TONIGHT'S
HYPOTHESIS... WHAT IF
DRAMATIZATION OF TONIGHT'S
HYPOTHESIS... WHAT IF
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT COULD FLY?
BABS, I'M DEAD SET AGAINST
IT.
PERFORMING AT STATE FAIRS IS ONE
IT.
PERFORMING AT STATE FAIRS IS ONE
THING, BUT LEADING A SQUADRON OF
PERFORMING AT STATE FAIRS IS ONE
THING, BUT LEADING A SQUADRON OF
B-17s OVER GERMANY IS QUITE
THING, BUT LEADING A SQUADRON OF
B-17s OVER GERMANY IS QUITE
ANOTHER.
B-17s OVER GERMANY IS QUITE
ANOTHER.
I WON'T HEAR OF IT.
FRANKLIN, WHEN I THINK ABOUT
THE BOYS THAT WE'RE SENDING OVER
THERE, BOYS NO OLDER THAN OUR
OWN SON JAMES, THEN I KNOW THAT
IF MY EFFORT CAN SHORTEN THE WAR
BY EVEN ONE MORE DAY, IT'S WORTH
ANY RISK I HAVE TO TAKE.
DAMN IT, BABS, WHY ARE YOU
ALWAYS RIGHT?
YOU KNOW, IT'S EASIER TO CHANGE
ALWAYS RIGHT?
YOU KNOW, IT'S EASIER TO CHANGE
THE AMERICAN ECONOMIC SYSTEM
YOU KNOW, IT'S EASIER TO CHANGE
THE AMERICAN ECONOMIC SYSTEM
THAN TO CHANGE YOUR MIND.
THE AMERICAN ECONOMIC SYSTEM
THAN TO CHANGE YOUR MIND.
[LAUGHS]
THAN TO CHANGE YOUR MIND.
[LAUGHS]
TELL ME, FRANKLIN, DOES IT
[LAUGHS]
TELL ME, FRANKLIN, DOES IT
BOTHER YOU WHAT THEY SAY IN THE
TELL ME, FRANKLIN, DOES IT
BOTHER YOU WHAT THEY SAY IN THE
PAPERS... THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN
BOTHER YOU WHAT THEY SAY IN THE
PAPERS... THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN
WALK AND YOU HAVE A WIFE THAT
PAPERS... THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN
WALK AND YOU HAVE A WIFE THAT
CAN FLY?
WALK AND YOU HAVE A WIFE THAT
CAN FLY?
YES, IT DOES.
CAN FLY?
YES, IT DOES.
BUT YOU HAVE MY BLESSINGS.
YES, IT DOES.
BUT YOU HAVE MY BLESSINGS.
[MOTOR WHIRRING]
BUT YOU HAVE MY BLESSINGS.
[MOTOR WHIRRING]
AH, THERE'S MY FIGHTER ESCORT
[MOTOR WHIRRING]
AH, THERE'S MY FIGHTER ESCORT
NOW.
AH, THERE'S MY FIGHTER ESCORT
NOW.
I MUST BE GOING.
NOW.
I MUST BE GOING.
GOODBYE, FRANKLIN.
I MUST BE GOING.
GOODBYE, FRANKLIN.
GOODBYE, BABS.
GOODBYE, FRANKLIN.
GOODBYE, BABS.
GOOD LUCK.
GOODBYE, BABS.
GOOD LUCK.
AND CLOSE THE WINDOW AFTER YOU.
GOOD LUCK.
AND CLOSE THE WINDOW AFTER YOU.
I THINK MAYBE FOR MORALE
AND CLOSE THE WINDOW AFTER YOU.
I THINK MAYBE FOR MORALE
PURPOSES YOU SHOULD WEAR
I THINK MAYBE FOR MORALE
PURPOSES YOU SHOULD WEAR
TROUSERS IF YOU'RE GOING TO FLY
PURPOSES YOU SHOULD WEAR
TROUSERS IF YOU'RE GOING TO FLY
OVER THE TROOPS.
TROUSERS IF YOU'RE GOING TO FLY
OVER THE TROOPS.
[LAUGHS]
[GUNSHOTS]
NO QUESTION ABOUT IT...
SHE WAS A GAME OLD GAL.
MR. TEMPLE, ANY COMMENTS?
SHE WAS A GAME OLD GAL.
MR. TEMPLE, ANY COMMENTS?
WELL, AS YOU CAN SEE,
MR. TEMPLE, ANY COMMENTS?
WELL, AS YOU CAN SEE,
MRS. ROOSEVELT HAD NO ARMOR
WELL, AS YOU CAN SEE,
MRS. ROOSEVELT HAD NO ARMOR
PLATING.
MRS. ROOSEVELT HAD NO ARMOR
PLATING.
SHE WORE MOSTLY COTTON DRESSES,
PLATING.
SHE WORE MOSTLY COTTON DRESSES,
A SIMPLE FUR PIECE, SENSIBLE
SHE WORE MOSTLY COTTON DRESSES,
A SIMPLE FUR PIECE, SENSIBLE
SHOES, SO SHE WAS VERY
A SIMPLE FUR PIECE, SENSIBLE
SHOES, SO SHE WAS VERY
VULNERABLE TO GERMAN
SHOES, SO SHE WAS VERY
VULNERABLE TO GERMAN
ANTIAIRCRAFT.
VULNERABLE TO GERMAN
ANTIAIRCRAFT.
NOW, I DON'T THINK THAT HER
ANTIAIRCRAFT.
NOW, I DON'T THINK THAT HER
FLYING ABILITY WOULD HAVE MADE A
NOW, I DON'T THINK THAT HER
FLYING ABILITY WOULD HAVE MADE A
SIGNIFICANT DIFFERENCE IN THE
FLYING ABILITY WOULD HAVE MADE A
SIGNIFICANT DIFFERENCE IN THE
OUTCOME OF WORLD WAR II.
SIGNIFICANT DIFFERENCE IN THE
OUTCOME OF WORLD WAR II.
I BASICALLY AGREE, EXCEPT
OUTCOME OF WORLD WAR II.
I BASICALLY AGREE, EXCEPT
THAT IF ELEANOR HAD BEEN SHOT
I BASICALLY AGREE, EXCEPT
THAT IF ELEANOR HAD BEEN SHOT
DOWN BEFORE THE END OF 1943,
THAT IF ELEANOR HAD BEEN SHOT
DOWN BEFORE THE END OF 1943,
FRANKLIN PROBABLY WOULD'VE
DOWN BEFORE THE END OF 1943,
FRANKLIN PROBABLY WOULD'VE
MARRIED LUCY MERCER, SPENT LESS
FRANKLIN PROBABLY WOULD'VE
MARRIED LUCY MERCER, SPENT LESS
TIME ON THE WAR.
MARRIED LUCY MERCER, SPENT LESS
TIME ON THE WAR.
THANK YOU, MR. TEMPLE,
TIME ON THE WAR.
THANK YOU, MR. TEMPLE,
PROFESSOR REED.
THANK YOU, MR. TEMPLE,
PROFESSOR REED.
NOW FOR THE MAIL ON LAST WEEK'S
PROFESSOR REED.
NOW FOR THE MAIL ON LAST WEEK'S
SHOW.
NOW FOR THE MAIL ON LAST WEEK'S
SHOW.
WE GOT THIS FROM A
SHOW.
WE GOT THIS FROM A
MR. JEFFREY FREDERICK OF BOSTON,
WE GOT THIS FROM A
MR. JEFFREY FREDERICK OF BOSTON,
MASSACHUSETTS.
MR. JEFFREY FREDERICK OF BOSTON,
MASSACHUSETTS.
HE WRITES...
MR. FREDERICK, WE WENT BACK AND
RECHECKED OUR RESEARCH, AND WE
AT "WHAT IF?" STAND BY OUR
RECHECKED OUR RESEARCH, AND WE
AT "WHAT IF?" STAND BY OUR
STORY.
AT "WHAT IF?" STAND BY OUR
STORY.
WELL, THAT'S IT FOR TONIGHT.
STORY.
WELL, THAT'S IT FOR TONIGHT.
JOIN US NEXT WEEK, WHEN THEY
WELL, THAT'S IT FOR TONIGHT.
JOIN US NEXT WEEK, WHEN THEY
POSE THE QUESTION "WHAT IF
JOIN US NEXT WEEK, WHEN THEY
POSE THE QUESTION "WHAT IF
GEORGE WASHINGTON COULD MAKE
POSE THE QUESTION "WHAT IF
GEORGE WASHINGTON COULD MAKE
HIMSELF INVISIBLE AND HAD A
GEORGE WASHINGTON COULD MAKE
HIMSELF INVISIBLE AND HAD A
ROBOT FRIEND?"
HIMSELF INVISIBLE AND HAD A
ROBOT FRIEND?"
GOOD NIGHT.
[INDISTINCT TALKING]
I SAW HER CONSORTING WITH
THE DEVIL!
NO CALVES HAVE BEEN BORN
SINCE SHE MOVED HERE!
SHE'S A WITCH!
SINCE SHE MOVED HERE!
SHE'S A WITCH!
BURN HER!
SHE'S A WITCH!
BURN HER!
All: BURN HER! BURN HER!
BURN HER!
All: BURN HER! BURN HER!
QUIET!
All: BURN HER! BURN HER!
QUIET!
ARE WE BARBARIANS?
QUIET!
ARE WE BARBARIANS?
THIS IS THE 12th CENTURY!
ARE WE BARBARIANS?
THIS IS THE 12th CENTURY!
JUST AS LONG AS I AM THE
THIS IS THE 12th CENTURY!
JUST AS LONG AS I AM THE
JUSTICIAR IN THIS SHIRE,
JUST AS LONG AS I AM THE
JUSTICIAR IN THIS SHIRE,
EVERYONE WILL BE GIVEN A FAIR
JUSTICIAR IN THIS SHIRE,
EVERYONE WILL BE GIVEN A FAIR
TRIAL ACCORDING TO THE LAWS OF
EVERYONE WILL BE GIVEN A FAIR
TRIAL ACCORDING TO THE LAWS OF
ENGLAND.
HEAR YE.
BE IT KNOWN TO ALL THAT
THEODORIC OF YORK, THE JUSTICIAR
BE IT KNOWN TO ALL THAT
THEODORIC OF YORK, THE JUSTICIAR
OF THE REALM, WILL PRESIDE THIS
THEODORIC OF YORK, THE JUSTICIAR
OF THE REALM, WILL PRESIDE THIS
DAY TO HEAR ALL WRITS, ASSIZES,
OF THE REALM, WILL PRESIDE THIS
DAY TO HEAR ALL WRITS, ASSIZES,
SUITS, PLAINTS, AND CLAIMS OF
DAY TO HEAR ALL WRITS, ASSIZES,
SUITS, PLAINTS, AND CLAIMS OF
THE SHIRE.
SUITS, PLAINTS, AND CLAIMS OF
THE SHIRE.
NOW, WHO SAW THIS WOMAN
THE SHIRE.
NOW, WHO SAW THIS WOMAN
CONSORT WITH THE DEVIL?
NOW, WHO SAW THIS WOMAN
CONSORT WITH THE DEVIL?
IT WAS I, BRUNGILDA.
CONSORT WITH THE DEVIL?
IT WAS I, BRUNGILDA.
[LAUGHS]
IT WAS I, BRUNGILDA.
[LAUGHS]
I WAS DRIVING HOME THE ABBOT'S
[LAUGHS]
I WAS DRIVING HOME THE ABBOT'S
OXEN LAST NIGHT, AND I SAW HER
I WAS DRIVING HOME THE ABBOT'S
OXEN LAST NIGHT, AND I SAW HER
TALKING FREELY BY THE RIVER WITH
OXEN LAST NIGHT, AND I SAW HER
TALKING FREELY BY THE RIVER WITH
SATAN!
TALKING FREELY BY THE RIVER WITH
SATAN!
HOW DO YOU KNOW IT WAS SATAN?
SATAN!
HOW DO YOU KNOW IT WAS SATAN?
WHAT FORM DID HE TAKE?
HOW DO YOU KNOW IT WAS SATAN?
WHAT FORM DID HE TAKE?
A LEATHER-WINGED GRIFFIN.
WHAT FORM DID HE TAKE?
A LEATHER-WINGED GRIFFIN.
HMM.
A LEATHER-WINGED GRIFFIN.
HMM.
THAT'S THE DEVIL, ALL RIGHT.
HMM.
THAT'S THE DEVIL, ALL RIGHT.
HOW DO YOU ANSWER THESE CHARGES?
THAT'S THE DEVIL, ALL RIGHT.
HOW DO YOU ANSWER THESE CHARGES?
I WAS GATHERING WOOD WHEN A
HOW DO YOU ANSWER THESE CHARGES?
I WAS GATHERING WOOD WHEN A
WANDERING TROUBADOUR STOPPED AND
I WAS GATHERING WOOD WHEN A
WANDERING TROUBADOUR STOPPED AND
ASKED ME WHERE HE MIGHT FIND
WANDERING TROUBADOUR STOPPED AND
ASKED ME WHERE HE MIGHT FIND
FOOD.
ASKED ME WHERE HE MIGHT FIND
FOOD.
I TOLD HIM I KNEW NOT BUT
FOOD.
I TOLD HIM I KNEW NOT BUT
OFFERED HIM SOME GOOSE LIVER I
I TOLD HIM I KNEW NOT BUT
OFFERED HIM SOME GOOSE LIVER I
HAD IN MY POCKET.
OFFERED HIM SOME GOOSE LIVER I
HAD IN MY POCKET.
YOU LIE! YOU'RE A WITCH!
HAD IN MY POCKET.
YOU LIE! YOU'RE A WITCH!
THE LAW IS CLEAR!
YOU LIE! YOU'RE A WITCH!
THE LAW IS CLEAR!
THE LAW IS CLEAR IN SUCH
THE LAW IS CLEAR!
THE LAW IS CLEAR IN SUCH
MATTERS!
THE LAW IS CLEAR IN SUCH
MATTERS!
LET US CONSULT THE WRIT OF
MATTERS!
LET US CONSULT THE WRIT OF
COMMON WISDOM.
LET US CONSULT THE WRIT OF
COMMON WISDOM.
REEVE.
COMMON WISDOM.
REEVE.
THE WRIT OF COMMON WISDOM.
REEVE.
THE WRIT OF COMMON WISDOM.
OKAY, LET'S SEE.
THE WRIT OF COMMON WISDOM.
OKAY, LET'S SEE.
BEFOULMENT OF WELLS, BOAR
OKAY, LET'S SEE.
BEFOULMENT OF WELLS, BOAR
POACHING, CONSORTING WITH DANES,
BEFOULMENT OF WELLS, BOAR
POACHING, CONSORTING WITH DANES,
CONSORTING WITH S...
POACHING, CONSORTING WITH DANES,
CONSORTING WITH S...
AH. CONSORTING WITH THE DEVIL.
CONSORTING WITH S...
AH. CONSORTING WITH THE DEVIL.
ALL RIGHT, THIS IS VERY CLEAR IN
AH. CONSORTING WITH THE DEVIL.
ALL RIGHT, THIS IS VERY CLEAR IN
HERE, BUT IT'S IN LATIN, SO I'LL
ALL RIGHT, THIS IS VERY CLEAR IN
HERE, BUT IT'S IN LATIN, SO I'LL
PUT IT TO YOU IN LAYMAN'S
HERE, BUT IT'S IN LATIN, SO I'LL
PUT IT TO YOU IN LAYMAN'S
ENGLISH.
PUT IT TO YOU IN LAYMAN'S
ENGLISH.
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO THROW YOU
ENGLISH.
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO THROW YOU
IN THE TROUGH OF JUSTICE.
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO THROW YOU
IN THE TROUGH OF JUSTICE.
[INDISTINCT TALKING]
IN THE TROUGH OF JUSTICE.
[INDISTINCT TALKING]
THE LAW STATES THAT IF YOU ARE
[INDISTINCT TALKING]
THE LAW STATES THAT IF YOU ARE
GUILTY, YOU WILL FLOAT ON WATER,
THE LAW STATES THAT IF YOU ARE
GUILTY, YOU WILL FLOAT ON WATER,
AND IF YOU ARE INNOCENT,
GUILTY, YOU WILL FLOAT ON WATER,
AND IF YOU ARE INNOCENT,
YOU WILL SINK.
AND IF YOU ARE INNOCENT,
YOU WILL SINK.
SO YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR.
YOU WILL SINK.
SO YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR.
YOU SEE, IF THE ACCUSED FLOATS,
SO YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR.
YOU SEE, IF THE ACCUSED FLOATS,
IT MEANS THAT THE WATER HAS
YOU SEE, IF THE ACCUSED FLOATS,
IT MEANS THAT THE WATER HAS
REJECTED HER BODY.
IT MEANS THAT THE WATER HAS
REJECTED HER BODY.
OF COURSE, IF THE INNOCENT HERE
REJECTED HER BODY.
OF COURSE, IF THE INNOCENT HERE
SINKS, THAT MEANS THE WATER HAS
OF COURSE, IF THE INNOCENT HERE
SINKS, THAT MEANS THE WATER HAS
ACCEPTED HER BODY.
SINKS, THAT MEANS THE WATER HAS
ACCEPTED HER BODY.
THEREFORE, SHE IS INNOCENT.
ACCEPTED HER BODY.
THEREFORE, SHE IS INNOCENT.
AH! NOT GUILTY!
THEREFORE, SHE IS INNOCENT.
AH! NOT GUILTY!
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
AH! NOT GUILTY!
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
I WAS WRONG!
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
I WAS WRONG!
I MUST HAVE BEEN WRONG.
I WAS WRONG!
I MUST HAVE BEEN WRONG.
I WAS WRONG.
I MUST HAVE BEEN WRONG.
I WAS WRONG.
THE CASE OF SIMKIN OF
I WAS WRONG.
THE CASE OF SIMKIN OF
PUTTERIDGE VERSUS THE THANE OF
THE CASE OF SIMKIN OF
PUTTERIDGE VERSUS THE THANE OF
BRISBANE.
PUTTERIDGE VERSUS THE THANE OF
BRISBANE.
THE SHERIFF ARRESTED THIS SERF
BRISBANE.
THE SHERIFF ARRESTED THIS SERF
WHO HAD PURLOINED ONE OF THE
THE SHERIFF ARRESTED THIS SERF
WHO HAD PURLOINED ONE OF THE
THANE'S SWINE WHILE
WHO HAD PURLOINED ONE OF THE
THANE'S SWINE WHILE
IMPERSONATING A FREEMAN.
THANE'S SWINE WHILE
IMPERSONATING A FREEMAN.
MY LORD, THIS IS ALL FALSE.
IMPERSONATING A FREEMAN.
MY LORD, THIS IS ALL FALSE.
I WAS RETURNING CHARLOTTE TO THE
MY LORD, THIS IS ALL FALSE.
I WAS RETURNING CHARLOTTE TO THE
THANE.
I WAS RETURNING CHARLOTTE TO THE
THANE.
AND I REALLY WAS MADE A FREEMAN
THANE.
AND I REALLY WAS MADE A FREEMAN
YESTERDAY BY THIS TRAVELING
AND I REALLY WAS MADE A FREEMAN
YESTERDAY BY THIS TRAVELING
NOBLEMAN.
YESTERDAY BY THIS TRAVELING
NOBLEMAN.
HE SAID, "OH, YOU'RE FREE.
NOBLEMAN.
HE SAID, "OH, YOU'RE FREE.
GO ON AHEAD."
HE SAID, "OH, YOU'RE FREE.
GO ON AHEAD."
IF YOU LET ME GO ON BACK TO MY
GO ON AHEAD."
IF YOU LET ME GO ON BACK TO MY
HOME, I COULD COME BACK WITH THE
IF YOU LET ME GO ON BACK TO MY
HOME, I COULD COME BACK WITH THE
DOCUMENTS FOR YOU ON THIS.
HOME, I COULD COME BACK WITH THE
DOCUMENTS FOR YOU ON THIS.
DO YOU SWEAR BEFORE THIS
DOCUMENTS FOR YOU ON THIS.
DO YOU SWEAR BEFORE THIS
COURT THAT WHAT YOU SAY IS TRUE?
DO YOU SWEAR BEFORE THIS
COURT THAT WHAT YOU SAY IS TRUE?
YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT.
COURT THAT WHAT YOU SAY IS TRUE?
YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT.
WELL, THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO
YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT.
WELL, THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO
TELL.
WELL, THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO
TELL.
REMOVE HIS BOOTS.
TELL.
REMOVE HIS BOOTS.
TAKE THE PIG, WENCH!
REMOVE HIS BOOTS.
TAKE THE PIG, WENCH!
TAKE THE PIG!
TAKE THE PIG, WENCH!
TAKE THE PIG!
[PIG SQUEALING]
TAKE THE PIG!
[PIG SQUEALING]
YOU WILL TAKE 10 PACES ON THE
[PIG SQUEALING]
YOU WILL TAKE 10 PACES ON THE
BURNING COALS OF TRUTH.
YOU WILL TAKE 10 PACES ON THE
BURNING COALS OF TRUTH.
IF YOU ARE TELLING THE TRUTH,
BURNING COALS OF TRUTH.
IF YOU ARE TELLING THE TRUTH,
YOUR WOUNDS WILL NOT FESTER.
IF YOU ARE TELLING THE TRUTH,
YOUR WOUNDS WILL NOT FESTER.
10 PACES, HUH?
YOUR WOUNDS WILL NOT FESTER.
10 PACES, HUH?
LIKE SIX OR EIGHT WOULDN'T PROVE
10 PACES, HUH?
LIKE SIX OR EIGHT WOULDN'T PROVE
THE POINT.
ONE, TWO, THREE...
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
AAAH!
AAH!
AAAH!
ALL RIGHT.
AAAH!
ALL RIGHT.
I WAS LYING.
ALL RIGHT.
I WAS LYING.
I-I STOLE THE PIG.
I WAS LYING.
I-I STOLE THE PIG.
BUT I WAS SO HUNGRY, AND THE
I-I STOLE THE PIG.
BUT I WAS SO HUNGRY, AND THE
TAXES WERE SO GREAT.
BUT I WAS SO HUNGRY, AND THE
TAXES WERE SO GREAT.
PUT HIM ON THE RACK!
TAXES WERE SO GREAT.
PUT HIM ON THE RACK!
THE RACK!
PUT HIM ON THE RACK!
THE RACK!
PUT HIM ON THE RACK!
THE RACK!
PUT HIM ON THE RACK!
MY FEET!
PUT HIM ON THE RACK!
MY FEET!
PUT HIM ON THE RACK!
MY FEET!
PUT HIM ON THE RACK!
OH, MY FEET HURT!
PUT HIM ON THE RACK!
OH, MY FEET HURT!
OH!
OH, MY FEET HURT!
OH!
OH!
OH!
OH!
THIS HURTS WORSE THAN THE FEET!
OH!
THIS HURTS WORSE THAN THE FEET!
[GROANING]
THIS HURTS WORSE THAN THE FEET!
[GROANING]
SEND IN THE ACCUSED!
[GROANING]
SEND IN THE ACCUSED!
THE CASE OF JOHN THE TANNER
SEND IN THE ACCUSED!
THE CASE OF JOHN THE TANNER
VERSUS LORD COLCHESTER.
JOHN THE TANNER, YOU HAVE
STOOD TWICE BEFORE THIS COURT.
FIRST YOU WERE FOUND GUILTY OF
STOOD TWICE BEFORE THIS COURT.
FIRST YOU WERE FOUND GUILTY OF
THEFT, AND YOUR RIGHT ARM WAS
FIRST YOU WERE FOUND GUILTY OF
THEFT, AND YOUR RIGHT ARM WAS
CUT OFF.
THEFT, AND YOUR RIGHT ARM WAS
CUT OFF.
THEN YOU WERE FOUND GUILTY OF
CUT OFF.
THEN YOU WERE FOUND GUILTY OF
LYING, AND YOUR TONGUE WAS CUT
THEN YOU WERE FOUND GUILTY OF
LYING, AND YOUR TONGUE WAS CUT
OUT.
LYING, AND YOUR TONGUE WAS CUT
OUT.
NOW YOU STAND CHARGED AGAIN.
OUT.
NOW YOU STAND CHARGED AGAIN.
HOW DO YOU PLEAD?
NOW YOU STAND CHARGED AGAIN.
HOW DO YOU PLEAD?
[MUMBLING]
HOW DO YOU PLEAD?
[MUMBLING]
I SEE.
[MUMBLING]
I SEE.
AND OF WHAT IS THIS MAN ACCUSED?
I SEE.
AND OF WHAT IS THIS MAN ACCUSED?
ADULTERY, JUSTICIAR!
AND OF WHAT IS THIS MAN ACCUSED?
ADULTERY, JUSTICIAR!
LET'S SEE... ADULTERY...
ADULTERY, JUSTICIAR!
LET'S SEE... ADULTERY...
YOU WERE FOUND GUILTY OF THEFT,
LET'S SEE... ADULTERY...
YOU WERE FOUND GUILTY OF THEFT,
AND YOUR RIGHT ARM WAS CUT OFF.
YOU WERE FOUND GUILTY OF THEFT,
AND YOUR RIGHT ARM WAS CUT OFF.
YOU WERE FOUND GUILTY OF LYING,
AND YOUR RIGHT ARM WAS CUT OFF.
YOU WERE FOUND GUILTY OF LYING,
AND YOUR TONGUE WAS CUT OUT.
YOU WERE FOUND GUILTY OF LYING,
AND YOUR TONGUE WAS CUT OUT.
NOW ADULTERY.
AND YOUR TONGUE WAS CUT OUT.
NOW ADULTERY.
THE WRIT OF COMMON WISDOM!
NOW ADULTERY.
THE WRIT OF COMMON WISDOM!
THE WRIT OF COMMON WISDOM!
THE WRIT OF COMMON WISDOM!
THE WRIT OF COMMON WISDOM!
HMMM.
THE WRIT OF COMMON WISDOM!
HMMM.
THE PUNISHMENT FOR ADULTERY
HMMM.
THE PUNISHMENT FOR ADULTERY
IS...
THE PUNISHMENT FOR ADULTERY
IS...
OH, I CAN'T READ THIS PUBLICLY.
[GROANS]
[PEOPLE GROANING]
THEY TOLD ME MY DAUGHTER WAS
HERE.
SHE WAS ACCUSED OF CONSORTING
HERE.
SHE WAS ACCUSED OF CONSORTING
WITH THE DEVIL.
SHE WAS ACCUSED OF CONSORTING
WITH THE DEVIL.
CONGRATULATIONS.
WITH THE DEVIL.
CONGRATULATIONS.
SHE WAS FOUND INNOCENT.
CONGRATULATIONS.
SHE WAS FOUND INNOCENT.
OH, THANK GOD!
SHE WAS FOUND INNOCENT.
OH, THANK GOD!
WHERE IS SHE?
OH, THANK GOD!
WHERE IS SHE?
AT THE BOTTOM OF THE TROUGH
WHERE IS SHE?
AT THE BOTTOM OF THE TROUGH
OF JUSTICE.
AT THE BOTTOM OF THE TROUGH
OF JUSTICE.
YOU SEE, IF THE BODY IS ACCEPTED
OF JUSTICE.
YOU SEE, IF THE BODY IS ACCEPTED
BY THE WATER, THAT MEANS SHE'S
YOU SEE, IF THE BODY IS ACCEPTED
BY THE WATER, THAT MEANS SHE'S
NOT GUILTY.
BY THE WATER, THAT MEANS SHE'S
NOT GUILTY.
SHE'S DEAD!
NOT GUILTY.
SHE'S DEAD!
WELL, SHE MUST HAVE DROWNED
SHE'S DEAD!
WELL, SHE MUST HAVE DROWNED
FROM BEING UNDER THE WATER.
WELL, SHE MUST HAVE DROWNED
FROM BEING UNDER THE WATER.
YOU CALL THIS JUSTICE... AN
FROM BEING UNDER THE WATER.
YOU CALL THIS JUSTICE... AN
INNOCENT GIRL DEAD?
YOU CALL THIS JUSTICE... AN
INNOCENT GIRL DEAD?
YEAH.
INNOCENT GIRL DEAD?
YEAH.
HEY, GOD'S WILL.
YEAH.
HEY, GOD'S WILL.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST ADMIT IT?
HEY, GOD'S WILL.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST ADMIT IT?
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
WHY DON'T YOU JUST ADMIT IT?
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
DOING.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
DOING.
AND WHO ARE YOU TO INTERPRET
DOING.
AND WHO ARE YOU TO INTERPRET
GOD'S WILL?!
AND WHO ARE YOU TO INTERPRET
GOD'S WILL?!
YEAH, BY WHAT RIGHT?
GOD'S WILL?!
YEAH, BY WHAT RIGHT?
WELL, THE KING.
YEAH, BY WHAT RIGHT?
WELL, THE KING.
IT'S THE LAW.
WELL, THE KING.
IT'S THE LAW.
WELL, THE LAW IS WRONG!
IT'S THE LAW.
WELL, THE LAW IS WRONG!
THE LAW SHOULD BE CHANGED!
WELL, THE LAW IS WRONG!
THE LAW SHOULD BE CHANGED!
YOU KNOW, THERE IS A POINT IN
THE LAW SHOULD BE CHANGED!
YOU KNOW, THERE IS A POINT IN
WHAT SHE IS SAYING THERE, I
YOU KNOW, THERE IS A POINT IN
WHAT SHE IS SAYING THERE, I
THINK.
WHAT SHE IS SAYING THERE, I
THINK.
WAIT A MINUTE.
THINK.
WAIT A MINUTE.
PERHAPS SHE'S RIGHT.
WAIT A MINUTE.
PERHAPS SHE'S RIGHT.
MAYBE THE KING DOESN'T HAVE A
PERHAPS SHE'S RIGHT.
MAYBE THE KING DOESN'T HAVE A
MONOPOLY ON TRUTH.
MAYBE THE KING DOESN'T HAVE A
MONOPOLY ON TRUTH.
MAYBE EVERY MAN SHOULD BE JUDGED
MONOPOLY ON TRUTH.
MAYBE EVERY MAN SHOULD BE JUDGED
BY HIS PEERS.
MAYBE EVERY MAN SHOULD BE JUDGED
BY HIS PEERS.
A-A JURY OF HIS PEERS.
BY HIS PEERS.
A-A JURY OF HIS PEERS.
SIX GOOD MEN.
A-A JURY OF HIS PEERS.
SIX GOOD MEN.
NO, WAIT.
SIX GOOD MEN.
NO, WAIT.
EIGHT GOOD MEN.
NO, WAIT.
EIGHT GOOD MEN.
NO!
EIGHT GOOD MEN.
NO!
10 GOOD MEN!
NO!
10 GOOD MEN!
NO, THAT'S NOT ENOUGH.
10 GOOD MEN!
NO, THAT'S NOT ENOUGH.
LET'S SEE.
NO, THAT'S NOT ENOUGH.
LET'S SEE.
18 GOOD MEN!
LET'S SEE.
18 GOOD MEN!
NO, THAT'S TOO MANY.
18 GOOD MEN!
NO, THAT'S TOO MANY.
LET'S SEE.
NO, THAT'S TOO MANY.
LET'S SEE.
11 GOOD MEN!
LET'S SEE.
11 GOOD MEN!
WAIT... 13 GOOD MEN!
11 GOOD MEN!
WAIT... 13 GOOD MEN!
NO. 11 OR 13.
WAIT... 13 GOOD MEN!
NO. 11 OR 13.
IT REALLY DOESN'T MATTER. OKAY.
NO. 11 OR 13.
IT REALLY DOESN'T MATTER. OKAY.
BUT EVERY MAN SHOULD BE TRIED BY
IT REALLY DOESN'T MATTER. OKAY.
BUT EVERY MAN SHOULD BE TRIED BY
A JURY OF HIS PEERS AND BE EQUAL
BUT EVERY MAN SHOULD BE TRIED BY
A JURY OF HIS PEERS AND BE EQUAL
BEFORE THE LAW.
A JURY OF HIS PEERS AND BE EQUAL
BEFORE THE LAW.
AND PERHAPS EVERY MAN SHOULD BE
BEFORE THE LAW.
AND PERHAPS EVERY MAN SHOULD BE
FREE FROM CRUEL AND UNUSUAL
AND PERHAPS EVERY MAN SHOULD BE
FREE FROM CRUEL AND UNUSUAL
PUNISHMENT.
FREE FROM CRUEL AND UNUSUAL
PUNISHMENT.
NAH.
PUNISHMENT.
NAH.
THIS SHIRE COURT STANDS
NAH.
THIS SHIRE COURT STANDS
ADJOURNED!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
VAN MORRISON!
[APPLAUSE]
VAN MORRISON!
[APPLAUSE]
["WAVELENGTH" PLAYS SLOWLY]
[APPLAUSE]
["WAVELENGTH" PLAYS SLOWLY]
♪ THIS IS A SONG ABOUT ♪
["WAVELENGTH" PLAYS SLOWLY]
♪ THIS IS A SONG ABOUT ♪
♪ YOUR WAVELENGTH AND MY
♪ THIS IS A SONG ABOUT ♪
♪ YOUR WAVELENGTH AND MY
WAVELENGTH, BABY, BABY ♪
♪ WHEN THE HEART IS STRONG ♪
♪ YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU,
YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU ♪
♪ YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU,
YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU ♪
♪ YOU GET ME ON ♪
YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU ♪
♪ YOU GET ME ON ♪
♪ YOU GET ME ON YOUR WAVELENGTH,
♪ YOU GET ME ON ♪
♪ YOU GET ME ON YOUR WAVELENGTH,
BABY ♪
♪ YOU GET ME ON YOUR WAVELENGTH,
BABY ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
BABY ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA ♪
[TEMPO QUICKENS]
♪ WA-A-A-A-A-VELENGTH ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ MY WA-A-A-A-A-VELENGTH ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ MY WA-A-A-A-A-VELENGTH ♪
♪ SHE'LL NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ MY WA-A-A-A-A-VELENGTH ♪
♪ SHE'LL NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ SHE'LL NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ SHE'LL NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ SHE'LL NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ SHE'LL NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ WHEN I'M DOWN, YOU ALWAYS
♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ WHEN I'M DOWN, YOU ALWAYS
COMFORT ME ♪
♪ WHEN I'M DOWN, YOU ALWAYS
COMFORT ME ♪
♪ WHEN I'M LONELY, CHILD, YOU
COMFORT ME ♪
♪ WHEN I'M LONELY, CHILD, YOU
SEE ABOUT ME ♪
♪ WHEN I'M LONELY, CHILD, YOU
SEE ABOUT ME ♪
♪ YOU ARE EVERYWHERE YOU'RE
SEE ABOUT ME ♪
♪ YOU ARE EVERYWHERE YOU'RE
SUPPOSED TO BE ♪
♪ YOU ARE EVERYWHERE YOU'RE
SUPPOSED TO BE ♪
♪ AND I CAN GET YOUR STATION
SUPPOSED TO BE ♪
♪ AND I CAN GET YOUR STATION
WHEN I NEED REJUVENATION ♪
♪ AND I CAN GET YOUR STATION
WHEN I NEED REJUVENATION ♪
♪ MY WA-A-A-A-A-VELENGTH ♪
WHEN I NEED REJUVENATION ♪
♪ MY WA-A-A-A-A-VELENGTH ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ MY WA-A-A-A-A-VELENGTH ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ MY WA-A-A-A-A-VELENGTH ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ MY WA-A-A-A-A-VELENGTH ♪
♪ SHE'LL NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ MY WA-A-A-A-A-VELENGTH ♪
♪ SHE'LL NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ SHE'LL NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ SHE'LL NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ SHE'LL NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ SHE'LL NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
ALL RIGHT!
♪ NO, NO ♪
ALL RIGHT!
[GUITAR SOLO]
♪ I HEARD THE VOICE OF AMERICA
CALLIN' ON MY WAVELENGTH ♪
♪ MAN, IT WAS COMIN' OUT OF
CALLIN' ON MY WAVELENGTH ♪
♪ MAN, IT WAS COMIN' OUT OF
FRANKFURT AND MAINE ♪
♪ MAN, IT WAS COMIN' OUT OF
FRANKFURT AND MAINE ♪
♪ I HEARD THE VOICE OF AMERICA
FRANKFURT AND MAINE ♪
♪ I HEARD THE VOICE OF AMERICA
CALLIN' ON MY WAVELENGTH ♪
♪ I HEARD THE VOICE OF AMERICA
CALLIN' ON MY WAVELENGTH ♪
♪ SINGIN' "COME BACK, BABY, COME
CALLIN' ON MY WAVELENGTH ♪
♪ SINGIN' "COME BACK, BABY, COME
BACK ♪
♪ SINGIN' "COME BACK, BABY, COME
BACK ♪
♪ COME BACK, BABY, COME BACK" ♪
BACK ♪
♪ COME BACK, BABY, COME BACK" ♪
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ COME BACK, BABY, COME BACK" ♪
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ WON'T YOU SING THAT SONG
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ WON'T YOU SING THAT SONG
AGAIN FOR ME ♪
♪ WON'T YOU SING THAT SONG
AGAIN FOR ME ♪
♪ ABOUT MY LOVER, MY LOVER IN
AGAIN FOR ME ♪
♪ ABOUT MY LOVER, MY LOVER IN
THE GRASS, ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ ABOUT MY LOVER, MY LOVER IN
THE GRASS, ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ BABY, YOU, YOU HAVE TOLD ME
THE GRASS, ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ BABY, YOU, YOU HAVE TOLD ME
ABOUT MY DESTINY ♪
♪ BABY, YOU, YOU HAVE TOLD ME
ABOUT MY DESTINY ♪
♪ SINGIN' "COME BACK, BABY, COME
ABOUT MY DESTINY ♪
♪ SINGIN' "COME BACK, BABY, COME
BACK ♪
♪ SINGIN' "COME BACK, BABY, COME
BACK ♪
♪ COME BACK, BABY, COME BACK" ♪
BACK ♪
♪ COME BACK, BABY, COME BACK" ♪
♪ MY WA-A-A-A-A-VELENGTH ♪
♪ COME BACK, BABY, COME BACK" ♪
♪ MY WA-A-A-A-A-VELENGTH ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ MY WA-A-A-A-A-VELENGTH ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO ♪
♪ MY WA-A-A-A-A-VELENGTH ♪
♪ DO DO ♪
♪ MY WA-A-A-A-A-VELENGTH ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ MY WA-A-A-A-A-VELENGTH ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO ♪
♪ YOU NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ DO DO ♪
♪ YOU NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ YOU NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ SHE NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ SHE NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ SHE NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ SHE NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ SHE NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ SHE NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
WAIT A MINUTE.
♪ NO, NO ♪
WAIT A MINUTE.
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
WAIT A MINUTE.
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ SHE NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ SHE NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ WOULD YOU GET ME ON ♪
♪ SHE NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ WOULD YOU GET ME ON ♪
♪ GET ME ON YOUR WAVELENGTH? ♪
♪ WOULD YOU GET ME ON ♪
♪ GET ME ON YOUR WAVELENGTH? ♪
♪ AND I'LL SAY ♪
♪ GET ME ON YOUR WAVELENGTH? ♪
♪ AND I'LL SAY ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ AND I'LL SAY ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ OOH, MAMA, OOH, MAMA ♪
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ SHE'LL NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ SHE'LL NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ WHEN SHE GETS ME ON ♪
♪ SHE'LL NEVER LET ME DOWN ♪
♪ WHEN SHE GETS ME ON ♪
♪ YOU GET ME ON YOUR
♪ WHEN SHE GETS ME ON ♪
♪ YOU GET ME ON YOUR
WAVELENGTH ♪
♪ YOU GET ME ON YOUR
WAVELENGTH ♪
♪ YOU GET ME ON ♪
WAVELENGTH ♪
♪ YOU GET ME ON ♪
♪ YOU GET ME ON YOUR
♪ YOU GET ME ON ♪
♪ YOU GET ME ON YOUR
WAVELENGTH, BABY ♪
♪ YOU GET ME ON YOUR
WAVELENGTH, BABY ♪
♪ WAVELENGTH, WAVELENGTH ♪
WAVELENGTH, BABY ♪
♪ WAVELENGTH, WAVELENGTH ♪
♪ GET ME ON YOUR WAVELENGTH ♪
♪ WAVELENGTH, WAVELENGTH ♪
♪ GET ME ON YOUR WAVELENGTH ♪
♪ GET ME ON YOUR WAVELENGTH ♪
♪ GET ME ON YOUR WAVELENGTH ♪
♪ GET ME ON YOUR WAVELENGTH ♪
♪ GET ME ♪
♪ GET ME ON YOUR WAVELENGTH ♪
♪ GET ME ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ GET ME ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪
[SONG ENDS]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THE SURGEON GENERAL ANNOUNCES
A NEW ASIAN FLU SHOT.
THIS STORY AND MORE ON
A NEW ASIAN FLU SHOT.
THIS STORY AND MORE ON
"WEEKEND UPDATE."
THIS STORY AND MORE ON
"WEEKEND UPDATE."
Announcer: AND NOW
"WEEKEND UPDATE."
Announcer: AND NOW
"WEEKEND UPDATE," WITH THE
Announcer: AND NOW
"WEEKEND UPDATE," WITH THE
"WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM.
"WEEKEND UPDATE," WITH THE
"WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
"WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
COLONEL LINGUS, THE
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
COLONEL LINGUS, THE
SOUTHERN-FRIED CHICKEN THAT
COLONEL LINGUS, THE
SOUTHERN-FRIED CHICKEN THAT
TAKES A LICKIN'.
SOUTHERN-FRIED CHICKEN THAT
TAKES A LICKIN'.
HERE ARE BILL MURRAY AND
TAKES A LICKIN'.
HERE ARE BILL MURRAY AND
JANE CURTIN.
HERE ARE BILL MURRAY AND
JANE CURTIN.
GOOD EVENING.
JANE CURTIN.
GOOD EVENING.
I'M JANE CURTIN.
GOOD EVENING.
I'M JANE CURTIN.
HERE NOW THE NEWS.
I'M JANE CURTIN.
HERE NOW THE NEWS.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...
HERE NOW THE NEWS.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...
POPE JOHN PAUL II IS STILL
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...
POPE JOHN PAUL II IS STILL
ALIVE.
POPE JOHN PAUL II IS STILL
ALIVE.
WELL, 200-POUND PRESIDENT
ALIVE.
WELL, 200-POUND PRESIDENT
IDI AMIN OF UGANDA HAS
WELL, 200-POUND PRESIDENT
IDI AMIN OF UGANDA HAS
CHALLENGED TANZANIA'S
IDI AMIN OF UGANDA HAS
CHALLENGED TANZANIA'S
65-YEAR-OLD PRESIDENT
CHALLENGED TANZANIA'S
65-YEAR-OLD PRESIDENT
JULIUS NYERERE TO A BOXING MATCH
65-YEAR-OLD PRESIDENT
JULIUS NYERERE TO A BOXING MATCH
TO SETTLE THEIR TWO COUNTRIES'
JULIUS NYERERE TO A BOXING MATCH
TO SETTLE THEIR TWO COUNTRIES'
BORDER DISPUTE.
TO SETTLE THEIR TWO COUNTRIES'
BORDER DISPUTE.
WELL, AMIN MAY HAVE STARTED
BORDER DISPUTE.
WELL, AMIN MAY HAVE STARTED
SOMETHING, BECAUSE P.L.O. CHIEF
WELL, AMIN MAY HAVE STARTED
SOMETHING, BECAUSE P.L.O. CHIEF
YASSER ARAFAT HAS CHALLENGED
SOMETHING, BECAUSE P.L.O. CHIEF
YASSER ARAFAT HAS CHALLENGED
ISRAELI PRESIDENT MENACHEM BEGIN
YASSER ARAFAT HAS CHALLENGED
ISRAELI PRESIDENT MENACHEM BEGIN
TO ANOTHER SPORTING CONTEST.
ISRAELI PRESIDENT MENACHEM BEGIN
TO ANOTHER SPORTING CONTEST.
ARAFAT SUGGESTED THAT HE AND
TO ANOTHER SPORTING CONTEST.
ARAFAT SUGGESTED THAT HE AND
BEGIN SETTLE THE DISPUTE OVER
ARAFAT SUGGESTED THAT HE AND
BEGIN SETTLE THE DISPUTE OVER
THE WEST BANK BY SEEING WHO CAN
BEGIN SETTLE THE DISPUTE OVER
THE WEST BANK BY SEEING WHO CAN
GO THE LONGEST WITHOUT WASHING.
THE WEST BANK BY SEEING WHO CAN
GO THE LONGEST WITHOUT WASHING.
NOW HERE'S AN "UPDATE" FEATURE
GO THE LONGEST WITHOUT WASHING.
NOW HERE'S AN "UPDATE" FEATURE
THAT I REALLY GET A KICK OUT OF,
NOW HERE'S AN "UPDATE" FEATURE
THAT I REALLY GET A KICK OUT OF,
A LITTLE THING I LIKE TO CALL MY
THAT I REALLY GET A KICK OUT OF,
A LITTLE THING I LIKE TO CALL MY
"CELEBRITY CORNER," AND WELCOME
A LITTLE THING I LIKE TO CALL MY
"CELEBRITY CORNER," AND WELCOME
TO IT.
"CELEBRITY CORNER," AND WELCOME
TO IT.
WELL, THERE'S A NEW BLOCKBUSTER
TO IT.
WELL, THERE'S A NEW BLOCKBUSTER
MOVIE OUT.
WELL, THERE'S A NEW BLOCKBUSTER
MOVIE OUT.
IT'S A MONSTER. IT'S HUGE.
MOVIE OUT.
IT'S A MONSTER. IT'S HUGE.
IT'S "THE WIZ," AND I DON'T CARE
IT'S A MONSTER. IT'S HUGE.
IT'S "THE WIZ," AND I DON'T CARE
IF YOU'RE BLACK, YOU'RE WHITE,
IT'S "THE WIZ," AND I DON'T CARE
IF YOU'RE BLACK, YOU'RE WHITE,
OR YOU'RE PURPLE.
IF YOU'RE BLACK, YOU'RE WHITE,
OR YOU'RE PURPLE.
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE "THE WIZ", AND
OR YOU'RE PURPLE.
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE "THE WIZ", AND
ESPECIALLY ITS STAR, THE GIRL
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE "THE WIZ", AND
ESPECIALLY ITS STAR, THE GIRL
WHO PUTS THE FIZZ IN "THE WIZ,"
ESPECIALLY ITS STAR, THE GIRL
WHO PUTS THE FIZZ IN "THE WIZ,"
MISS DIANA ROSS.
WHO PUTS THE FIZZ IN "THE WIZ,"
MISS DIANA ROSS.
HEY.
MISS DIANA ROSS.
HEY.
WHO WANTS THAT WOMAN WITH THE
HEY.
WHO WANTS THAT WOMAN WITH THE
SKINNY LEGS?
WHO WANTS THAT WOMAN WITH THE
SKINNY LEGS?
WHO WANTS THAT WOMAN WITH THE
SKINNY LEGS?
WHO WANTS THAT WOMAN WITH THE
SKINNY LEGS?
WHO WANTS THAT WOMAN WITH THE
SKINNY LEGS?
I KNOW I DO.
SKINNY LEGS?
I KNOW I DO.
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL TONIGHT, DI.
I KNOW I DO.
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL TONIGHT, DI.
THANK YOU, BILL.
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL TONIGHT, DI.
THANK YOU, BILL.
I'D LOVE TO TAKE A TUMBLE IN THE
THANK YOU, BILL.
I'D LOVE TO TAKE A TUMBLE IN THE
HAY WITH YOU, TOO.
I'D LOVE TO TAKE A TUMBLE IN THE
HAY WITH YOU, TOO.
WELL, THANK YOU, DIANA.
HAY WITH YOU, TOO.
WELL, THANK YOU, DIANA.
THAT'S VERY KIND.
WELL, THANK YOU, DIANA.
THAT'S VERY KIND.
YOU KNOW, IF YOU'D TOLD ME FIVE
THAT'S VERY KIND.
YOU KNOW, IF YOU'D TOLD ME FIVE
YEARS AGO THAT THE PART OF
YOU KNOW, IF YOU'D TOLD ME FIVE
YEARS AGO THAT THE PART OF
DOROTHY WOULD BE PLAYED BY A
YEARS AGO THAT THE PART OF
DOROTHY WOULD BE PLAYED BY A
MATURE BLACK WOMAN, LET ALONE A
DOROTHY WOULD BE PLAYED BY A
MATURE BLACK WOMAN, LET ALONE A
FORMER SUPREME, I WOULDN'T HAVE
MATURE BLACK WOMAN, LET ALONE A
FORMER SUPREME, I WOULDN'T HAVE
BELIEVED IT.
FORMER SUPREME, I WOULDN'T HAVE
BELIEVED IT.
WELL, ME NEITHER, BILL.
BELIEVED IT.
WELL, ME NEITHER, BILL.
BUT WHEN THEY OFFERED ME THE
WELL, ME NEITHER, BILL.
BUT WHEN THEY OFFERED ME THE
MONEY, CHILD, I BELIEVED.
BUT WHEN THEY OFFERED ME THE
MONEY, CHILD, I BELIEVED.
I BELIEVED.
MONEY, CHILD, I BELIEVED.
I BELIEVED.
OKAY, A LITTLE CONSTRUCTIVE
I BELIEVED.
OKAY, A LITTLE CONSTRUCTIVE
CRITICISM, IF YOU CAN TAKE IT...
OKAY, A LITTLE CONSTRUCTIVE
CRITICISM, IF YOU CAN TAKE IT...
AND THE REALLY BIG STARS CAN,
CRITICISM, IF YOU CAN TAKE IT...
AND THE REALLY BIG STARS CAN,
WHICH IS GREAT.
AND THE REALLY BIG STARS CAN,
WHICH IS GREAT.
IN "THE WIZ," YOU KEPT WHINING,
WHICH IS GREAT.
IN "THE WIZ," YOU KEPT WHINING,
"I WANT TO GO HOME, I WANT TO GO
IN "THE WIZ," YOU KEPT WHINING,
"I WANT TO GO HOME, I WANT TO GO
HOME."
"I WANT TO GO HOME, I WANT TO GO
HOME."
I DON'T GET IT.
HOME."
I DON'T GET IT.
WHY DID YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO
I DON'T GET IT.
WHY DID YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO
HARLEM?
WHY DID YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO
HARLEM?
I MEAN, NO OFFENSE, BUT I FIND
HARLEM?
I MEAN, NO OFFENSE, BUT I FIND
HARLEM DEPRESSING.
I MEAN, NO OFFENSE, BUT I FIND
HARLEM DEPRESSING.
EVERYBODY'S INCREDIBLY POOR.
HARLEM DEPRESSING.
EVERYBODY'S INCREDIBLY POOR.
I MEAN, THE DRUGS ARE VERY
EVERYBODY'S INCREDIBLY POOR.
I MEAN, THE DRUGS ARE VERY
EXPENSIVE.
I MEAN, THE DRUGS ARE VERY
EXPENSIVE.
I ALWAYS GET RIPPED OFF EVERY
EXPENSIVE.
I ALWAYS GET RIPPED OFF EVERY
TIME I GO THERE.
I ALWAYS GET RIPPED OFF EVERY
TIME I GO THERE.
WELL, WE HAVE A SAYING UP
TIME I GO THERE.
WELL, WE HAVE A SAYING UP
THERE, BILL.
WELL, WE HAVE A SAYING UP
THERE, BILL.
"CAVEAT HONKY."
THERE, BILL.
"CAVEAT HONKY."
"LET THE HONKY BEWARE."
"CAVEAT HONKY."
"LET THE HONKY BEWARE."
TELL ME, WHAT WAS IT LIKE
"LET THE HONKY BEWARE."
TELL ME, WHAT WAS IT LIKE
DATING DAVID FROST?
TELL ME, WHAT WAS IT LIKE
DATING DAVID FROST?
I MEAN, IS HE A SNOB OR WHAT?
DATING DAVID FROST?
I MEAN, IS HE A SNOB OR WHAT?
YOU WERE ENGAGED TO HIM AT ONE
I MEAN, IS HE A SNOB OR WHAT?
YOU WERE ENGAGED TO HIM AT ONE
TIME, I KNOW, AND...
YOU WERE ENGAGED TO HIM AT ONE
TIME, I KNOW, AND...
UH, BILL, YOU'VE GOT ME
TIME, I KNOW, AND...
UH, BILL, YOU'VE GOT ME
CONFUSED WITH DIAHANN CARROLL.
UH, BILL, YOU'VE GOT ME
CONFUSED WITH DIAHANN CARROLL.
GEE, THAT'S RIGHT. SORRY.
CONFUSED WITH DIAHANN CARROLL.
GEE, THAT'S RIGHT. SORRY.
UH...
GEE, THAT'S RIGHT. SORRY.
UH...
YOU KNOW, I HATED HER SERIES,
UH...
YOU KNOW, I HATED HER SERIES,
"JULIA," DIDN'T YOU?
YOU KNOW, I HATED HER SERIES,
"JULIA," DIDN'T YOU?
YOU KNOW, DIANA, I HAVE SEEN THE
"JULIA," DIDN'T YOU?
YOU KNOW, DIANA, I HAVE SEEN THE
"WIZARD OF OZ" SO MANY TIMES.
YOU KNOW, DIANA, I HAVE SEEN THE
"WIZARD OF OZ" SO MANY TIMES.
I STILL WATCH IT EVERY YEAR.
"WIZARD OF OZ" SO MANY TIMES.
I STILL WATCH IT EVERY YEAR.
AND EVERY YEAR, IT STILL TEARS
I STILL WATCH IT EVERY YEAR.
AND EVERY YEAR, IT STILL TEARS
ME UP.
AND EVERY YEAR, IT STILL TEARS
ME UP.
NOW, I KNOW IT ISN'T IN YOUR
ME UP.
NOW, I KNOW IT ISN'T IN YOUR
VERSION, BUT, DIANA, WOULD YOU
NOW, I KNOW IT ISN'T IN YOUR
VERSION, BUT, DIANA, WOULD YOU
DO A FRIEND A FAVOR AND SING
VERSION, BUT, DIANA, WOULD YOU
DO A FRIEND A FAVOR AND SING
"SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW"?
DO A FRIEND A FAVOR AND SING
"SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW"?
UH, WELL, I-I DON'T KNOW.
"SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW"?
UH, WELL, I-I DON'T KNOW.
I-I DON'T THINK MY PRODUCERS
UH, WELL, I-I DON'T KNOW.
I-I DON'T THINK MY PRODUCERS
WOULD LIKE THAT, BILL.
I-I DON'T THINK MY PRODUCERS
WOULD LIKE THAT, BILL.
DIANA, I WILL GET DOWN ON MY
WOULD LIKE THAT, BILL.
DIANA, I WILL GET DOWN ON MY
KNEES FOR YOU.
DIANA, I WILL GET DOWN ON MY
KNEES FOR YOU.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
KNEES FOR YOU.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
PLEASE.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
PLEASE.
JUST OPEN THOSE PIPES AND LET
PLEASE.
JUST OPEN THOSE PIPES AND LET
OUT THAT BUBBLING BROWN SUGAR,
JUST OPEN THOSE PIPES AND LET
OUT THAT BUBBLING BROWN SUGAR,
WOULD YOU, HONEY, JUST FOR US?
OUT THAT BUBBLING BROWN SUGAR,
WOULD YOU, HONEY, JUST FOR US?
[CLEARS THROAT]
WOULD YOU, HONEY, JUST FOR US?
[CLEARS THROAT]
♪ SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW ♪
[CLEARS THROAT]
♪ SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW ♪
♪ BLUEBIRDS FLY ♪
♪ SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW ♪
♪ BLUEBIRDS FLY ♪
[SNIFFLES]
♪ BLUEBIRDS FLY ♪
[SNIFFLES]
♪ BIRDS FLY OVER THE
[SNIFFLES]
♪ BIRDS FLY OVER THE
RAINBOW ♪
♪ BIRDS FLY OVER THE
RAINBOW ♪
Both: ♪ THEN WHY, OH, WHY
RAINBOW ♪
Both: ♪ THEN WHY, OH, WHY
CAN'T I? ♪
Both: ♪ THEN WHY, OH, WHY
CAN'T I? ♪
[APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU, DIANA.
YOU'RE A BEAUTIFUL DOROTHY.
THANK YOU, TOO, BILL.
YOU'RE A BEAUTIFUL DOROTHY.
THANK YOU, TOO, BILL.
AND I OWE YOU ONE.
THANK YOU, TOO, BILL.
AND I OWE YOU ONE.
[CHUCKLES]
AND I OWE YOU ONE.
[CHUCKLES]
A TOUCHING SEGMENT THIS WEEK ON
[CHUCKLES]
A TOUCHING SEGMENT THIS WEEK ON
"CELEBRITY CORNER."
A TOUCHING SEGMENT THIS WEEK ON
"CELEBRITY CORNER."
BACK TO YOU, JANE.
"CELEBRITY CORNER."
BACK TO YOU, JANE.
[SNIFFLES]
EXPERIMENTS AT THE NATIONAL
DRUG CONTROL CENTER IN ATLANTA
THIS WEEK SHOWED THAT WHITE MICE
DRUG CONTROL CENTER IN ATLANTA
THIS WEEK SHOWED THAT WHITE MICE
WHO WERE GIVEN ANGEL DUST WERE
THIS WEEK SHOWED THAT WHITE MICE
WHO WERE GIVEN ANGEL DUST WERE
ARRESTED AND BOOKED FOR
WHO WERE GIVEN ANGEL DUST WERE
ARRESTED AND BOOKED FOR
POSSESSION TWICE AS MANY TIMES
ARRESTED AND BOOKED FOR
POSSESSION TWICE AS MANY TIMES
AS MICE WHO WERE GIVEN A
POSSESSION TWICE AS MANY TIMES
AS MICE WHO WERE GIVEN A
HARMLESS SUBSTITUTE.
AS MICE WHO WERE GIVEN A
HARMLESS SUBSTITUTE.
AT A JOINT CONVENTION IN
HARMLESS SUBSTITUTE.
AT A JOINT CONVENTION IN
CHICAGO THIS WEEK, THE
AT A JOINT CONVENTION IN
CHICAGO THIS WEEK, THE
PLANNED PARENTHOOD ASSOCIATION
CHICAGO THIS WEEK, THE
PLANNED PARENTHOOD ASSOCIATION
AND THE ZERO POPULATION GROWTH
PLANNED PARENTHOOD ASSOCIATION
AND THE ZERO POPULATION GROWTH
COMMITTEE MET AND COMPLETELY
AND THE ZERO POPULATION GROWTH
COMMITTEE MET AND COMPLETELY
DISAPPEARED.
COMMITTEE MET AND COMPLETELY
DISAPPEARED.
WELL, ONE OF THE BIG
DISAPPEARED.
WELL, ONE OF THE BIG
HARD-NEWS STORIES THIS WEEK IS
WELL, ONE OF THE BIG
HARD-NEWS STORIES THIS WEEK IS
IRAN.
HARD-NEWS STORIES THIS WEEK IS
IRAN.
EVERYONE SEEMS TO HATE THE SHAH,
IRAN.
EVERYONE SEEMS TO HATE THE SHAH,
AND WITH GOOD REASON, IT
EVERYONE SEEMS TO HATE THE SHAH,
AND WITH GOOD REASON, IT
APPEARS.
AND WITH GOOD REASON, IT
APPEARS.
AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL SAID HE IS
APPEARS.
AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL SAID HE IS
THE WORLD'S WORST HUMAN-RIGHTS
AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL SAID HE IS
THE WORLD'S WORST HUMAN-RIGHTS
OFFENDER.
THE WORLD'S WORST HUMAN-RIGHTS
OFFENDER.
1,000 PEOPLE HAVE BEEN KILLED
OFFENDER.
1,000 PEOPLE HAVE BEEN KILLED
THERE THIS MONTH, AND ONE THING
1,000 PEOPLE HAVE BEEN KILLED
THERE THIS MONTH, AND ONE THING
ABOUT THAT... YOU CANNOT REPLACE
THERE THIS MONTH, AND ONE THING
ABOUT THAT... YOU CANNOT REPLACE
PEOPLE.
ABOUT THAT... YOU CANNOT REPLACE
PEOPLE.
OUCH.
PEOPLE.
OUCH.
NOW, I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY
OUCH.
NOW, I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY
ABOUT HIS SHAHNESS, AND I WILL
NOW, I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY
ABOUT HIS SHAHNESS, AND I WILL
NOT BE SILENCED.
ABOUT HIS SHAHNESS, AND I WILL
NOT BE SILENCED.
[Middle Eastern accent] THE
NOT BE SILENCED.
[Middle Eastern accent] THE
SHAH IS A U.S. PUPPET!
[Middle Eastern accent] THE
SHAH IS A U.S. PUPPET!
DOWN WITH THE SHAH!
SHAH IS A U.S. PUPPET!
DOWN WITH THE SHAH!
HE TRADES IRAN'S OIL FOR GUNS
DOWN WITH THE SHAH!
HE TRADES IRAN'S OIL FOR GUNS
AND FIGHTER PLANES!
HE TRADES IRAN'S OIL FOR GUNS
AND FIGHTER PLANES!
TO SPEAK AGAINST THE SHAH IS TO
AND FIGHTER PLANES!
TO SPEAK AGAINST THE SHAH IS TO
RISK YOUR LIFE!
TO SPEAK AGAINST THE SHAH IS TO
RISK YOUR LIFE!
HIS SECRET POLICE ARE
RISK YOUR LIFE!
HIS SECRET POLICE ARE
EVERYWHERE!
HIS SECRET POLICE ARE
EVERYWHERE!
THEY IMPRISON AND TORTURE YOU!
EVERYWHERE!
THEY IMPRISON AND TORTURE YOU!
IT'S WORSE THAN
THEY IMPRISON AND TORTURE YOU!
IT'S WORSE THAN
"MIDNIGHT EXPRESS"!
IT'S WORSE THAN
"MIDNIGHT EXPRESS"!
AND IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT, YOU
"MIDNIGHT EXPRESS"!
AND IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT, YOU
ARE A FASCIST KNUCKLEHEAD!
AND IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT, YOU
ARE A FASCIST KNUCKLEHEAD!
NOW, THE U.S., YOU GET OUT OF
ARE A FASCIST KNUCKLEHEAD!
NOW, THE U.S., YOU GET OUT OF
IRAN, AND I MEAN IT, YOU
NOW, THE U.S., YOU GET OUT OF
IRAN, AND I MEAN IT, YOU
KNUCKLEHEADS!
IRAN, AND I MEAN IT, YOU
KNUCKLEHEADS!
BACK TO YOU, JANE.
ACCORDING TO A REPORT
RELEASED THIS WEEK BY THE
DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH, EDUCATION,
RELEASED THIS WEEK BY THE
DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH, EDUCATION,
AND WELFARE, 13% OF ALL AMERICAN
DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH, EDUCATION,
AND WELFARE, 13% OF ALL AMERICAN
ADULTS ARE FUNCTIONALLY
AND WELFARE, 13% OF ALL AMERICAN
ADULTS ARE FUNCTIONALLY
ILLITERATE.
ADULTS ARE FUNCTIONALLY
ILLITERATE.
FUNCTIONAL ILLITERACY PREVENTS
ILLITERATE.
FUNCTIONAL ILLITERACY PREVENTS
THESE PEOPLE FROM HOLDING ANY
FUNCTIONAL ILLITERACY PREVENTS
THESE PEOPLE FROM HOLDING ANY
JOB WHICH REQUIRES ANY KIND OF
THESE PEOPLE FROM HOLDING ANY
JOB WHICH REQUIRES ANY KIND OF
READING OR WRITING AND ALSO
JOB WHICH REQUIRES ANY KIND OF
READING OR WRITING AND ALSO
HINDERS THEIR NORMAL ACTIVITIES,
READING OR WRITING AND ALSO
HINDERS THEIR NORMAL ACTIVITIES,
SUCH AS DRIVING OR ORDERING IN
HINDERS THEIR NORMAL ACTIVITIES,
SUCH AS DRIVING OR ORDERING IN
RESTAURANTS.
SUCH AS DRIVING OR ORDERING IN
RESTAURANTS.
NOW, THIS IS THE SUBJECT OF
RESTAURANTS.
NOW, THIS IS THE SUBJECT OF
TONIGHT'S COMMENTARY.
NOW, THIS IS THE SUBJECT OF
TONIGHT'S COMMENTARY.
THE BIGGEST PROBLEM OF
TONIGHT'S COMMENTARY.
THE BIGGEST PROBLEM OF
ILLITERACY IS ONE OF
THE BIGGEST PROBLEM OF
ILLITERACY IS ONE OF
IDENTIFICATION.
ILLITERACY IS ONE OF
IDENTIFICATION.
ILLITERATES ARE ASHAMED AND LIVE
IDENTIFICATION.
ILLITERATES ARE ASHAMED AND LIVE
IN FEAR THAT SOMEONE WILL
ILLITERATES ARE ASHAMED AND LIVE
IN FEAR THAT SOMEONE WILL
DISCOVER THEIR SECRET.
THE SAD FACT IS THAT THESE
PEOPLE ARE TRAGIC VICTIMS OF OUR
EDUCATIONAL SYSTEM, WHICH
PROMOTES SLOWER STUDENTS TO A
HIGHER GRADE RATHER THAN DEALING
WITH THE PROBLEM AT HAND.
IF THE ROLE OF THE EDUCATIONAL
SYSTEM WAS BETTER UNDERSTOOD,
ILLITERACY WOULD NOT CARRY THE
STIGMA WHICH PREVENTS PEOPLE
FROM ADMITTING THAT THEY SIMPLY
CANNOT READ.
REMEDIAL PROGRAMS HAVE SHOWN TO
BE EFFECTIVE EVEN WITH THOSE WHO
HAVE BUT SCANT FORMAL EDUCATION.
OTHER CIVILIZATIONS...
SWITZERLAND AND THE SOVIET UNION
IN PARTICULAR... HAVE MADE
ENORMOUS STRIDES AGAINST THIS
SOCIAL EPIDEMIC, WHILE THE
UNITED STATES, AS DEVELOPED AS
WE ARE, FALLS DISGRACEFULLY
BEHIND.
THE ILLITERACY PROBLEM CAN BE
SOLVED, BUT FIRST WE MUST ADMIT
THAT IT EXISTS AND THEN ATTACK
IT SQUARELY AND FORTHRIGHTLY.
THANK YOU.
AND NOW HERE WITH HIS VIEW ON
THE UPCOMING ELECTION IS
"WEEKEND UPDATE'S" POLITICAL
ANALYST, JOHN BELUSHI.
JOHN.
THANK YOU, JANE.
HOW YOU DOING?
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
YOU KNOW, ON TUESDAY, WE ALL
HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY THAT DOESN'T
YOU KNOW, ON TUESDAY, WE ALL
HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY THAT DOESN'T
COME AROUND VERY OFTEN.
HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY THAT DOESN'T
COME AROUND VERY OFTEN.
I'M TALKING, OF COURSE, ABOUT
COME AROUND VERY OFTEN.
I'M TALKING, OF COURSE, ABOUT
OUR RIGHT TO VOTE...
I'M TALKING, OF COURSE, ABOUT
OUR RIGHT TO VOTE...
A RIGHT THAT MILLIONS OF
OUR RIGHT TO VOTE...
A RIGHT THAT MILLIONS OF
AMERICANS HAVE FOUGHT AND DIED
A RIGHT THAT MILLIONS OF
AMERICANS HAVE FOUGHT AND DIED
FOR.
AMERICANS HAVE FOUGHT AND DIED
FOR.
YET MANY AMERICANS DO NOT
FOR.
YET MANY AMERICANS DO NOT
EXERCISE THAT RIGHT.
YET MANY AMERICANS DO NOT
EXERCISE THAT RIGHT.
IN THE LAST ELECTION, 35% OF THE
EXERCISE THAT RIGHT.
IN THE LAST ELECTION, 35% OF THE
ELECTORATE ACTUALLY TURNED OUT.
IN THE LAST ELECTION, 35% OF THE
ELECTORATE ACTUALLY TURNED OUT.
NOW, SOME PEOPLE DON'T VOTE
ELECTORATE ACTUALLY TURNED OUT.
NOW, SOME PEOPLE DON'T VOTE
BECAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO.
NOW, SOME PEOPLE DON'T VOTE
BECAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO.
IT'S REALLY VERY EASY.
BECAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO.
IT'S REALLY VERY EASY.
NOW, IF YOU'RE CONFUSED ABOUT
IT'S REALLY VERY EASY.
NOW, IF YOU'RE CONFUSED ABOUT
WHERE OR WHEN TO VOTE, THERE ARE
NOW, IF YOU'RE CONFUSED ABOUT
WHERE OR WHEN TO VOTE, THERE ARE
LOTS OF PEOPLE YOU CAN ASK.
WHERE OR WHEN TO VOTE, THERE ARE
LOTS OF PEOPLE YOU CAN ASK.
FOR EXAMPLE, MOST TOWNS HAVE A
LOTS OF PEOPLE YOU CAN ASK.
FOR EXAMPLE, MOST TOWNS HAVE A
LEAGUE OF WOMEN VOTERS.
FOR EXAMPLE, MOST TOWNS HAVE A
LEAGUE OF WOMEN VOTERS.
YOU CAN CALL THEM.
LEAGUE OF WOMEN VOTERS.
YOU CAN CALL THEM.
OR JUST CALL CITY HALL.
YOU CAN CALL THEM.
OR JUST CALL CITY HALL.
OR JUST CALL UP INFORMATION.
OR JUST CALL CITY HALL.
OR JUST CALL UP INFORMATION.
THEY'LL TELL YOU WHO TO CALL.
OR JUST CALL UP INFORMATION.
THEY'LL TELL YOU WHO TO CALL.
THAT'S NOT SO HARD, IS IT?
THEY'LL TELL YOU WHO TO CALL.
THAT'S NOT SO HARD, IS IT?
I MEAN, ANY IDIOT CAN CALL 411.
THAT'S NOT SO HARD, IS IT?
I MEAN, ANY IDIOT CAN CALL 411.
SO THERE'S NO EXCUSE FOR VOTING,
I MEAN, ANY IDIOT CAN CALL 411.
SO THERE'S NO EXCUSE FOR VOTING,
RIGHT?
SO THERE'S NO EXCUSE FOR VOTING,
RIGHT?
I MEAN, YOU CAN VOTE WHEN YOU'RE
RIGHT?
I MEAN, YOU CAN VOTE WHEN YOU'RE
18 NOW.
I MEAN, YOU CAN VOTE WHEN YOU'RE
18 NOW.
I MEAN, I COULDN'T VOTE WHEN I
18 NOW.
I MEAN, I COULDN'T VOTE WHEN I
WAS 18.
I MEAN, I COULDN'T VOTE WHEN I
WAS 18.
I COULDN'T EVEN DRIVE WHEN I WAS
WAS 18.
I COULDN'T EVEN DRIVE WHEN I WAS
18.
I COULDN'T EVEN DRIVE WHEN I WAS
18.
I GOT MY LICENSE WHEN I WAS 16,
18.
I GOT MY LICENSE WHEN I WAS 16,
BUT THEY TOOK IT AWAY WHEN I WAS
I GOT MY LICENSE WHEN I WAS 16,
BUT THEY TOOK IT AWAY WHEN I WAS
18 'CAUSE I HAD TOO MANY
BUT THEY TOOK IT AWAY WHEN I WAS
18 'CAUSE I HAD TOO MANY
TICKETS.
18 'CAUSE I HAD TOO MANY
TICKETS.
THAT'S WHEN I WAS IN CHICAGO.
TICKETS.
THAT'S WHEN I WAS IN CHICAGO.
I JUST WENT BACK TO CHICAGO IN
THAT'S WHEN I WAS IN CHICAGO.
I JUST WENT BACK TO CHICAGO IN
1976.
I JUST WENT BACK TO CHICAGO IN
1976.
AND I SAW MY FRIEND
1976.
AND I SAW MY FRIEND
STEVE BUSHEKAS.
AND I SAW MY FRIEND
STEVE BUSHEKAS.
I SAID, "STEVE, STEVE, WHO DID
STEVE BUSHEKAS.
I SAID, "STEVE, STEVE, WHO DID
YOU VOTE FOR, FORD OR CARTER?"
I SAID, "STEVE, STEVE, WHO DID
YOU VOTE FOR, FORD OR CARTER?"
HE SAID, "I DIDN'T VOTE.
YOU VOTE FOR, FORD OR CARTER?"
HE SAID, "I DIDN'T VOTE.
ALL POLITICIANS ARE THE SAME."
HE SAID, "I DIDN'T VOTE.
ALL POLITICIANS ARE THE SAME."
I SAID, "WHO DO YOU THINK MAKES
ALL POLITICIANS ARE THE SAME."
I SAID, "WHO DO YOU THINK MAKES
THE LAWS, STEVE?!
I SAID, "WHO DO YOU THINK MAKES
THE LAWS, STEVE?!
POLITICIANS!"
THE LAWS, STEVE?!
POLITICIANS!"
HE SAID, "IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY
POLITICIANS!"
HE SAID, "IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY
DIFFERENCE."
HE SAID, "IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY
DIFFERENCE."
I SAID, "DOESN'T MAKE ANY
DIFFERENCE."
I SAID, "DOESN'T MAKE ANY
DIFFERENCE?"
I SAID, "DOESN'T MAKE ANY
DIFFERENCE?"
POSSESSION OF AN OUNCE IS A
DIFFERENCE?"
POSSESSION OF AN OUNCE IS A
MISDEMEANOR NOW.
POSSESSION OF AN OUNCE IS A
MISDEMEANOR NOW.
YOU KNOW HOW FAR WE'VE COME?
MISDEMEANOR NOW.
YOU KNOW HOW FAR WE'VE COME?
THERE'S STILL SOME PEOPLE IN
YOU KNOW HOW FAR WE'VE COME?
THERE'S STILL SOME PEOPLE IN
PRISON IN TEXAS EATING RATS
THERE'S STILL SOME PEOPLE IN
PRISON IN TEXAS EATING RATS
BECAUSE THEY WERE CAUGHT WITH A
PRISON IN TEXAS EATING RATS
BECAUSE THEY WERE CAUGHT WITH A
SEED IN 1965!
BECAUSE THEY WERE CAUGHT WITH A
SEED IN 1965!
LOOK...
SEED IN 1965!
LOOK...
LOOK, IN EUROPE... IN EUROPE...
LOOK...
LOOK, IN EUROPE... IN EUROPE...
IN AMSTERDAM, EVERYBODY VOTES
LOOK, IN EUROPE... IN EUROPE...
IN AMSTERDAM, EVERYBODY VOTES
THERE, AND THEY SMOKE HASH IN
IN AMSTERDAM, EVERYBODY VOTES
THERE, AND THEY SMOKE HASH IN
THE STREETS!
THERE, AND THEY SMOKE HASH IN
THE STREETS!
SO DON'T TELL ME IT DOESN'T MAKE
THE STREETS!
SO DON'T TELL ME IT DOESN'T MAKE
A DIFFERENCE!
SO DON'T TELL ME IT DOESN'T MAKE
A DIFFERENCE!
NO!
A DIFFERENCE!
NO!
I GOT THIS TO SAY, AND I'M GONNA
NO!
I GOT THIS TO SAY, AND I'M GONNA
SAY IT!
I GOT THIS TO SAY, AND I'M GONNA
SAY IT!
WHY AM I UP HERE, WASTING MY
SAY IT!
WHY AM I UP HERE, WASTING MY
VALUABLE TIME TELLING YOU THIS?
WHY AM I UP HERE, WASTING MY
VALUABLE TIME TELLING YOU THIS?
TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I'D
VALUABLE TIME TELLING YOU THIS?
TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I'D
RATHER BE OUT SMOKING HASH ON
TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I'D
RATHER BE OUT SMOKING HASH ON
THE STREET!
RATHER BE OUT SMOKING HASH ON
THE STREET!
I COULD BE... I COULD BE OUT
THE STREET!
I COULD BE... I COULD BE OUT
SMOKING HASH ON THE STREET, BUT
I COULD BE... I COULD BE OUT
SMOKING HASH ON THE STREET, BUT
N-O-O-O-O-O-O!
SMOKING HASH ON THE STREET, BUT
N-O-O-O-O-O-O!
I GOT TO BE HERE TO CAJOLE YOU
N-O-O-O-O-O-O!
I GOT TO BE HERE TO CAJOLE YOU
LAME-Os BECAUSE OUR FOREIGN
I GOT TO BE HERE TO CAJOLE YOU
LAME-Os BECAUSE OUR FOREIGN
PUBLIC IS THE ONLY HOPE WE HAVE
LAME-Os BECAUSE OUR FOREIGN
PUBLIC IS THE ONLY HOPE WE HAVE
IF WE WANT TO SMOKE HASH IN THE
PUBLIC IS THE ONLY HOPE WE HAVE
IF WE WANT TO SMOKE HASH IN THE
STREET!
IF WE WANT TO SMOKE HASH IN THE
STREET!
JOHN!
STREET!
JOHN!
CURTIN!
JOHN!
CURTIN!
NOW, YOU JUST LOOK AT THE
CURTIN!
NOW, YOU JUST LOOK AT THE
COMMUNIST COUNTRIES!
NOW, YOU JUST LOOK AT THE
COMMUNIST COUNTRIES!
I'VE BEEN THERE!
COMMUNIST COUNTRIES!
I'VE BEEN THERE!
I'VE BEEN TO MEXICO AND CANADA!
I'VE BEEN THERE!
I'VE BEEN TO MEXICO AND CANADA!
AND THEY'D JUMP AT THE RIGHT TO
I'VE BEEN TO MEXICO AND CANADA!
AND THEY'D JUMP AT THE RIGHT TO
VOTE!
AND THEY'D JUMP AT THE RIGHT TO
VOTE!
AND SUPPOSE NOBODY VOTED ON
VOTE!
AND SUPPOSE NOBODY VOTED ON
TUESDAY!
AND SUPPOSE NOBODY VOTED ON
TUESDAY!
THEN WHERE WOULD WE BE?!
TUESDAY!
THEN WHERE WOULD WE BE?!
THE RUSSIANS WOULD BE ALL OVER
THEN WHERE WOULD WE BE?!
THE RUSSIANS WOULD BE ALL OVER
US THE NEXT DAY!
THE RUSSIANS WOULD BE ALL OVER
US THE NEXT DAY!
YOU THINK THEY'D PASS UP A
US THE NEXT DAY!
YOU THINK THEY'D PASS UP A
CHANCE LIKE THAT?!
YOU THINK THEY'D PASS UP A
CHANCE LIKE THAT?!
NOT ON YOUR LIFE!
CHANCE LIKE THAT?!
NOT ON YOUR LIFE!
THERE'D BE SOME COMMIE GOON
NOT ON YOUR LIFE!
THERE'D BE SOME COMMIE GOON
KICKING DOWN YOUR DOOR, CHOPPING
THERE'D BE SOME COMMIE GOON
KICKING DOWN YOUR DOOR, CHOPPING
YOUR RADIO WITH AN AX!
KICKING DOWN YOUR DOOR, CHOPPING
YOUR RADIO WITH AN AX!
HOW'D YOU LIKE TO DRIVE TO WORK
YOUR RADIO WITH AN AX!
HOW'D YOU LIKE TO DRIVE TO WORK
SOMEDAY AND ALL THE STREET SIGNS
HOW'D YOU LIKE TO DRIVE TO WORK
SOMEDAY AND ALL THE STREET SIGNS
ARE WRITTEN IN MONGOLIAN, HUH?!
SOMEDAY AND ALL THE STREET SIGNS
ARE WRITTEN IN MONGOLIAN, HUH?!
CAN YOU READ MONGOLIAN?!
ARE WRITTEN IN MONGOLIAN, HUH?!
CAN YOU READ MONGOLIAN?!
I CAN'T!
CAN YOU READ MONGOLIAN?!
I CAN'T!
NOT EVEN LITERATES CAN READ
I CAN'T!
NOT EVEN LITERATES CAN READ
MONGOLIAN!
NOT EVEN LITERATES CAN READ
MONGOLIAN!
ONLY MONGOLIANS CAN READ
MONGOLIAN!
ONLY MONGOLIANS CAN READ
MONGOLIAN!
ONLY MONGOLIANS CAN READ
MONGOLIAN!
HAVE YOU EVER SMOKED MONGOLIAN
MONGOLIAN!
HAVE YOU EVER SMOKED MONGOLIAN
HASH?!
HAVE YOU EVER SMOKED MONGOLIAN
HASH?!
HUH?!
HASH?!
HUH?!
YOU DON'T EVEN GET HIGH!
HUH?!
YOU DON'T EVEN GET HIGH!
IT GIVES YOU A HEADACHE!
YOU DON'T EVEN GET HIGH!
IT GIVES YOU A HEADACHE!
AND THEN YOUR HEART STARTS
IT GIVES YOU A HEADACHE!
AND THEN YOUR HEART STARTS
BEATING!
AND THEN YOUR HEART STARTS
BEATING!
YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA DIE!
BEATING!
YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA DIE!
I WANT HEART DRUGS!
YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA DIE!
I WANT HEART DRUGS!
I WANT...
THAT'S THE NEWS.
GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT
TOMORROW.
HEY, DEBBIE, THIS LOOKS LIKE
A GREAT PLACE.
IT'S QUIET, NOT TOO CROWDED.
A GREAT PLACE.
IT'S QUIET, NOT TOO CROWDED.
YEAH, YOU KNOW, THEY REALLY
IT'S QUIET, NOT TOO CROWDED.
YEAH, YOU KNOW, THEY REALLY
FIXED IT UP.
YEAH, YOU KNOW, THEY REALLY
FIXED IT UP.
IT USED TO BE A BLARNEY STONE,
FIXED IT UP.
IT USED TO BE A BLARNEY STONE,
YOU KNOW?
IT USED TO BE A BLARNEY STONE,
YOU KNOW?
ONE OF THOSE IRISH
YOU KNOW?
ONE OF THOSE IRISH
ROAST-BEEF-AND-WHISKEY BARS.
ONE OF THOSE IRISH
ROAST-BEEF-AND-WHISKEY BARS.
I REALLY LIKE THAT BARTENDER.
HI, GIRLS. WELCOME TO MIXERS.
WHAT CAN I GET YOU?
A WHISKEY SOUR.
WHAT CAN I GET YOU?
A WHISKEY SOUR.
GIN FIZZ.
A WHISKEY SOUR.
GIN FIZZ.
RUSTY NAIL.
GIN FIZZ.
RUSTY NAIL.
SOUR, FIZZ, AND A NAIL.
RUSTY NAIL.
SOUR, FIZZ, AND A NAIL.
[SNAPS FINGERS]
SOUR, FIZZ, AND A NAIL.
[SNAPS FINGERS]
EXCUSE ME, LADIES, UH, CAN
[SNAPS FINGERS]
EXCUSE ME, LADIES, UH, CAN
YOU HELP ME WITH A LITTLE
EXCUSE ME, LADIES, UH, CAN
YOU HELP ME WITH A LITTLE
PROBLEM THAT I HAVE?
YOU HELP ME WITH A LITTLE
PROBLEM THAT I HAVE?
YEAH. WHAT IS IT?
PROBLEM THAT I HAVE?
YEAH. WHAT IS IT?
WELL, YOU SEE, I'M ON A LARGE
YEAH. WHAT IS IT?
WELL, YOU SEE, I'M ON A LARGE
COMPANY EXPENSE TAB THIS WEEK,
WELL, YOU SEE, I'M ON A LARGE
COMPANY EXPENSE TAB THIS WEEK,
AND IF I SPEND LESS THAN 50
COMPANY EXPENSE TAB THIS WEEK,
AND IF I SPEND LESS THAN 50
BUCKS TONIGHT, THEY'RE GONNA
AND IF I SPEND LESS THAN 50
BUCKS TONIGHT, THEY'RE GONNA
START CUTTING ME.
BUCKS TONIGHT, THEY'RE GONNA
START CUTTING ME.
SO, UH...
START CUTTING ME.
SO, UH...
I'M GONNA HAVE TO BUY YOU GIRLS
SO, UH...
I'M GONNA HAVE TO BUY YOU GIRLS
A DRINK, HUH?
I'M GONNA HAVE TO BUY YOU GIRLS
A DRINK, HUH?
THANKS, BUT NO, THANKS.
A DRINK, HUH?
THANKS, BUT NO, THANKS.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA GET OFF THAT
THANKS, BUT NO, THANKS.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA GET OFF THAT
EASY.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA GET OFF THAT
EASY.
I'LL BE BACK.
EASY.
I'LL BE BACK.
GOD, I HOPE WE DO BETTER THAN
I'LL BE BACK.
GOD, I HOPE WE DO BETTER THAN
HIM TONIGHT.
GOD, I HOPE WE DO BETTER THAN
HIM TONIGHT.
RELAX.
HIM TONIGHT.
RELAX.
HE'S PROBABLY FROM OUT OF TOWN.
RELAX.
HE'S PROBABLY FROM OUT OF TOWN.
PROBABLY READ ABOUT THE PLACE.
HE'S PROBABLY FROM OUT OF TOWN.
PROBABLY READ ABOUT THE PLACE.
DON'T WORRY.
PROBABLY READ ABOUT THE PLACE.
DON'T WORRY.
OUR HIP CROWD HASN'T COME IN
DON'T WORRY.
OUR HIP CROWD HASN'T COME IN
YET.
OUR HIP CROWD HASN'T COME IN
YET.
THANKS.
YET.
THANKS.
SURE THING.
[Czech accent] HI, TED!
GET OFF MY BACK!
[Czech accent] EAT MY DUST.
GET OFF MY BACK!
[Czech accent] EAT MY DUST.
HOW ABOUT IT?
[Czech accent] EAT MY DUST.
HOW ABOUT IT?
CAN I GET YOU MEN SOMETHING?
HOW ABOUT IT?
CAN I GET YOU MEN SOMETHING?
THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM.
CAN I GET YOU MEN SOMETHING?
THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM.
ONE IS PLENTY!
THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM.
ONE IS PLENTY!
HOW ABOUT A COUPLE OF
ONE IS PLENTY!
HOW ABOUT A COUPLE OF
BREWSKIES, FELLAS?
HOW ABOUT A COUPLE OF
BREWSKIES, FELLAS?
DON'T MENTION IT.
BREWSKIES, FELLAS?
DON'T MENTION IT.
[BOTH LAUGH]
DON'T MENTION IT.
[BOTH LAUGH]
HEY, TED, I'M TELLING YOU
[BOTH LAUGH]
HEY, TED, I'M TELLING YOU
SOMETHING NOW.
HEY, TED, I'M TELLING YOU
SOMETHING NOW.
ALL NIGHT, WE HAVE CRUISED THE
SOMETHING NOW.
ALL NIGHT, WE HAVE CRUISED THE
FOX BARS, AND YET, NO CHICKS
ALL NIGHT, WE HAVE CRUISED THE
FOX BARS, AND YET, NO CHICKS
WOULD AGREE TO SWING WITH US.
FOX BARS, AND YET, NO CHICKS
WOULD AGREE TO SWING WITH US.
THEY WERE FRIGHTENED BY OUR
WOULD AGREE TO SWING WITH US.
THEY WERE FRIGHTENED BY OUR
BULGES.
THEY WERE FRIGHTENED BY OUR
BULGES.
SURE IT WAS THE BULGES AND
BULGES.
SURE IT WAS THE BULGES AND
NOT THOSE HATS?
SURE IT WAS THE BULGES AND
NOT THOSE HATS?
HATS?
NOT THOSE HATS?
HATS?
WE BROUGHT THEM WITH US.
HATS?
WE BROUGHT THEM WITH US.
AND OUR TOOTHBRUSHES.
WE BROUGHT THEM WITH US.
AND OUR TOOTHBRUSHES.
TOOTHBRUSHES?
AND OUR TOOTHBRUSHES.
TOOTHBRUSHES?
WE HAVE MANY TOILETRY
TOOTHBRUSHES?
WE HAVE MANY TOILETRY
ARTICLES AND TRAVEL KITS THAT WE
WE HAVE MANY TOILETRY
ARTICLES AND TRAVEL KITS THAT WE
CARRY WITH US ALL THE TIME.
ARTICLES AND TRAVEL KITS THAT WE
CARRY WITH US ALL THE TIME.
YOU SEE, THIS PREPARES US FOR
CARRY WITH US ALL THE TIME.
YOU SEE, THIS PREPARES US FOR
A NIGHT AT ANY GIVEN FOX'S PAD.
YOU SEE, THIS PREPARES US FOR
A NIGHT AT ANY GIVEN FOX'S PAD.
WELL, I SEE YOU'RE FULLY
A NIGHT AT ANY GIVEN FOX'S PAD.
WELL, I SEE YOU'RE FULLY
EQUIPPED.
WELL, I SEE YOU'RE FULLY
EQUIPPED.
THERE'S THREE CHICKS RIGHT OVER
EQUIPPED.
THERE'S THREE CHICKS RIGHT OVER
THERE WHO SEEM TO BE AVAILABLE.
THERE'S THREE CHICKS RIGHT OVER
THERE WHO SEEM TO BE AVAILABLE.
Both: FOXES!
THERE WHO SEEM TO BE AVAILABLE.
Both: FOXES!
PARDON ME FOR A MOMENT.
Both: FOXES!
PARDON ME FOR A MOMENT.
HERE'S SOMETHING.
PARDON ME FOR A MOMENT.
HERE'S SOMETHING.
I'M YORTUK FESTRUNK, AND THIS IS
HERE'S SOMETHING.
I'M YORTUK FESTRUNK, AND THIS IS
MY BROTHER, GEORG.
I'M YORTUK FESTRUNK, AND THIS IS
MY BROTHER, GEORG.
WE'RE TWO SWINGING GUYS WHO
MY BROTHER, GEORG.
WE'RE TWO SWINGING GUYS WHO
ENJOY DOING MANY THINGS AND CAN
WE'RE TWO SWINGING GUYS WHO
ENJOY DOING MANY THINGS AND CAN
COME ON TO YOU NOW.
ENJOY DOING MANY THINGS AND CAN
COME ON TO YOU NOW.
WE ARE TWO WILD AND CRAZY
COME ON TO YOU NOW.
WE ARE TWO WILD AND CRAZY
GUYS!
WE ARE TWO WILD AND CRAZY
GUYS!
WELL, IN ORDER FOR YOU TO SEE
GUYS!
WELL, IN ORDER FOR YOU TO SEE
HOW SWINGING WE ARE IN AMERICA,
WELL, IN ORDER FOR YOU TO SEE
HOW SWINGING WE ARE IN AMERICA,
WE MUST HAVE A SWINGING RAP
HOW SWINGING WE ARE IN AMERICA,
WE MUST HAVE A SWINGING RAP
SESSION HERE AT THE BAR.
WE MUST HAVE A SWINGING RAP
SESSION HERE AT THE BAR.
SO, TELL US YOUR NAMES.
SESSION HERE AT THE BAR.
SO, TELL US YOUR NAMES.
UH, I'M DEBBIE.
SO, TELL US YOUR NAMES.
UH, I'M DEBBIE.
I'M GAYLE.
UH, I'M DEBBIE.
I'M GAYLE.
LINDA.
I'M GAYLE.
LINDA.
CLEAN UP YOUR ACT.
LINDA.
CLEAN UP YOUR ACT.
CATCH YOU LATER!
CLEAN UP YOUR ACT.
CATCH YOU LATER!
[BOTH LAUGH]
CATCH YOU LATER!
[BOTH LAUGH]
WELL, DEBBIE, GAYLE, LINDA, NOW
[BOTH LAUGH]
WELL, DEBBIE, GAYLE, LINDA, NOW
THAT WE KNOW YOUR NAMES, LET US
WELL, DEBBIE, GAYLE, LINDA, NOW
THAT WE KNOW YOUR NAMES, LET US
START A SWINGING RAP SESSION.
THAT WE KNOW YOUR NAMES, LET US
START A SWINGING RAP SESSION.
TELL ME, DEBBIE, WHEN YOU
START A SWINGING RAP SESSION.
TELL ME, DEBBIE, WHEN YOU
HAVE SEX, ARE YOU LOUD?
TELL ME, DEBBIE, WHEN YOU
HAVE SEX, ARE YOU LOUD?
LINDA, DO YOU MAKE MANY
HAVE SEX, ARE YOU LOUD?
LINDA, DO YOU MAKE MANY
NOISES?
LINDA, DO YOU MAKE MANY
NOISES?
EXCUSE ME, BUT WHAT RIGHT DO
NOISES?
EXCUSE ME, BUT WHAT RIGHT DO
YOU GUYS HAVE TO ASK US PERSONAL
EXCUSE ME, BUT WHAT RIGHT DO
YOU GUYS HAVE TO ASK US PERSONAL
QUESTIONS LIKE THAT?
YOU GUYS HAVE TO ASK US PERSONAL
QUESTIONS LIKE THAT?
HEY, ARE THESE GUYS BOTHERING
QUESTIONS LIKE THAT?
HEY, ARE THESE GUYS BOTHERING
YOU?
HEY, ARE THESE GUYS BOTHERING
YOU?
OH, GREAT... OUR HERO.
YOU?
OH, GREAT... OUR HERO.
HI, SWINGER!
OH, GREAT... OUR HERO.
HI, SWINGER!
WHY DON'T YOU BUY A DRINK FOR
HI, SWINGER!
WHY DON'T YOU BUY A DRINK FOR
YOURSELF AND ENJOY IT?
WHY DON'T YOU BUY A DRINK FOR
YOURSELF AND ENJOY IT?
NAME'S GLENN JOHNSON.
YOURSELF AND ENJOY IT?
NAME'S GLENN JOHNSON.
I DON'T LIKE YOUR TONE.
NAME'S GLENN JOHNSON.
I DON'T LIKE YOUR TONE.
TONE?
I DON'T LIKE YOUR TONE.
TONE?
COUNT ME IN, GLENN!
TONE?
COUNT ME IN, GLENN!
OKAY, BUDDY, IT'S GO TIME.
COUNT ME IN, GLENN!
OKAY, BUDDY, IT'S GO TIME.
LET'S GO. COME ON.
OKAY, BUDDY, IT'S GO TIME.
LET'S GO. COME ON.
HEY, GO TIME!
LET'S GO. COME ON.
HEY, GO TIME!
OH, BOY!
HEY, GO TIME!
OH, BOY!
GO TIME!
OH, BOY!
GO TIME!
[LAUGHS]
GO TIME!
[LAUGHS]
THERE WILL BE A PARTY
[LAUGHS]
THERE WILL BE A PARTY
TONIGHT, GLENN.
THERE WILL BE A PARTY
TONIGHT, GLENN.
OKAY, BUDDY, WHY DON'T YOU
TONIGHT, GLENN.
OKAY, BUDDY, WHY DON'T YOU
JUST GO OUTSIDE TO COOL OFF,
OKAY, BUDDY, WHY DON'T YOU
JUST GO OUTSIDE TO COOL OFF,
OKAY?
JUST GO OUTSIDE TO COOL OFF,
OKAY?
HEY, THEY WERE BOTHERING...
OKAY?
HEY, THEY WERE BOTHERING...
GOODBYE, GLENN!
HEY, THEY WERE BOTHERING...
GOODBYE, GLENN!
YOU SWINGING AMERICAN!
GOODBYE, GLENN!
YOU SWINGING AMERICAN!
[LAUGHS]
YOU SWINGING AMERICAN!
[LAUGHS]
EXCUSE ME.
[LAUGHS]
EXCUSE ME.
SO, DEBBIE, PERHAPS YOU HAVE
EXCUSE ME.
SO, DEBBIE, PERHAPS YOU HAVE
MANY ELECTRICAL DEVICES THAT YOU
SO, DEBBIE, PERHAPS YOU HAVE
MANY ELECTRICAL DEVICES THAT YOU
USE FOR SEX.
MANY ELECTRICAL DEVICES THAT YOU
USE FOR SEX.
WE HAVE NOW A VIBRATING
USE FOR SEX.
WE HAVE NOW A VIBRATING
MACHINE THAT WE BROUGHT FROM
WE HAVE NOW A VIBRATING
MACHINE THAT WE BROUGHT FROM
CZECHOSLOVAKIA.
MACHINE THAT WE BROUGHT FROM
CZECHOSLOVAKIA.
A COMMUNIST PARTY OFFICIAL
CZECHOSLOVAKIA.
A COMMUNIST PARTY OFFICIAL
TRADED IT FOR MANY FUEL COUPONS.
A COMMUNIST PARTY OFFICIAL
TRADED IT FOR MANY FUEL COUPONS.
[WHIRRING]
TRADED IT FOR MANY FUEL COUPONS.
[WHIRRING]
OH!
[WHIRRING]
OH!
OH, GOD!
OH!
OH, GOD!
PLEASE TURN THAT OFF!
OH, GOD!
PLEASE TURN THAT OFF!
WE'VE SEEN ENOUGH!
PLEASE TURN THAT OFF!
WE'VE SEEN ENOUGH!
IT LOOKS VERY DANGEROUS!
WE'VE SEEN ENOUGH!
IT LOOKS VERY DANGEROUS!
SO?
IT LOOKS VERY DANGEROUS!
SO?
AREN'T YOU GETTING HOT YET?
SO?
AREN'T YOU GETTING HOT YET?
YOU KNOW, DEBBIE, I HAVE PAID
AREN'T YOU GETTING HOT YET?
YOU KNOW, DEBBIE, I HAVE PAID
FOR MANY WOMEN WORSE THAN YOU.
YOU KNOW, DEBBIE, I HAVE PAID
FOR MANY WOMEN WORSE THAN YOU.
THAT'S NICE. THANKS A LOT.
FOR MANY WOMEN WORSE THAN YOU.
THAT'S NICE. THANKS A LOT.
WE HAVE TALKED LONG ENOUGH.
THAT'S NICE. THANKS A LOT.
WE HAVE TALKED LONG ENOUGH.
LET US CHOOSE PARTNERS FOR SEX.
WE HAVE TALKED LONG ENOUGH.
LET US CHOOSE PARTNERS FOR SEX.
HERE IS SOMETHING.
LET US CHOOSE PARTNERS FOR SEX.
HERE IS SOMETHING.
LOOK AT OUR SLACKS.
HERE IS SOMETHING.
LOOK AT OUR SLACKS.
IT IS BECAUSE OF YOU THAT OUR
LOOK AT OUR SLACKS.
IT IS BECAUSE OF YOU THAT OUR
PATCHES ARE STRETCHING.
NOW THAT WE HAVE TALKED AND
YOU HAVE EXCITED US, YOU MUST
TAKE US TO YOUR PADS TO RELIEVE
YOU HAVE EXCITED US, YOU MUST
TAKE US TO YOUR PADS TO RELIEVE
US.
TAKE US TO YOUR PADS TO RELIEVE
US.
WAIT A MINUTE! THAT'S IT!
US.
WAIT A MINUTE! THAT'S IT!
YOU GUYS ARE REALLY IGNORANT!
WAIT A MINUTE! THAT'S IT!
YOU GUYS ARE REALLY IGNORANT!
COME ON. LET'S GO.
YOU GUYS ARE REALLY IGNORANT!
COME ON. LET'S GO.
YEAH.
COME ON. LET'S GO.
YEAH.
WAIT! WAIT!
YEAH.
WAIT! WAIT!
CAN'T YOU SEE ENOUGH OF OUR
WAIT! WAIT!
CAN'T YOU SEE ENOUGH OF OUR
CHEST HAIRS?
CAN'T YOU SEE ENOUGH OF OUR
CHEST HAIRS?
THE BODY-ODOR SOAP THAT WE
CHEST HAIRS?
THE BODY-ODOR SOAP THAT WE
USE ALL THE TIME MAKES OUR CHEST
THE BODY-ODOR SOAP THAT WE
USE ALL THE TIME MAKES OUR CHEST
HAIRS VERY CRISPY.
USE ALL THE TIME MAKES OUR CHEST
HAIRS VERY CRISPY.
BYE, FOXES.
HAIRS VERY CRISPY.
BYE, FOXES.
OUT TO LUNCH.
BYE, FOXES.
OUT TO LUNCH.
I LOVE AMERICAN FOXES.
OUT TO LUNCH.
I LOVE AMERICAN FOXES.
WE COULD NEVER HAVE THIS GREAT
I LOVE AMERICAN FOXES.
WE COULD NEVER HAVE THIS GREAT
SUCCESS WITH CHICKS BACK IN
WE COULD NEVER HAVE THIS GREAT
SUCCESS WITH CHICKS BACK IN
CZECHOSLOVAKIA.
SUCCESS WITH CHICKS BACK IN
CZECHOSLOVAKIA.
WE MUST CRUISE AGAIN TO THIS
CZECHOSLOVAKIA.
WE MUST CRUISE AGAIN TO THIS
FOX BAR.
WE MUST CRUISE AGAIN TO THIS
FOX BAR.
HEY, TED, YOU ARE THE LOWEST.
FOX BAR.
HEY, TED, YOU ARE THE LOWEST.
[LAUGHS]
HEY, TED, YOU ARE THE LOWEST.
[LAUGHS]
HEY, YOU SWINGERS!
[LAUGHS]
HEY, YOU SWINGERS!
IT'S PARTY TIME!
HEY, YOU SWINGERS!
IT'S PARTY TIME!
WHY DON'T YOU BUY YOURSELVES A
IT'S PARTY TIME!
WHY DON'T YOU BUY YOURSELVES A
DRINK AND ENJOY IT?
WHY DON'T YOU BUY YOURSELVES A
DRINK AND ENJOY IT?
[WHIRRING]
DRINK AND ENJOY IT?
[WHIRRING]
WHOA!
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
H-HELLO?
HELLO?
H-HELLO?
HELLO?
LISA?
HELLO?
LISA?
COMING!
LISA?
COMING!
[TOILET FLUSHES]
COMING!
[TOILET FLUSHES]
HI!
[TOILET FLUSHES]
HI!
HI.
HI!
HI.
DO YOU REMEMBER ME?
HI.
DO YOU REMEMBER ME?
I MET YOU AT THE SCIENCE FAIR.
DO YOU REMEMBER ME?
I MET YOU AT THE SCIENCE FAIR.
OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
I MET YOU AT THE SCIENCE FAIR.
OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU HAD THE BOOTH "FUN WITH
OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU HAD THE BOOTH "FUN WITH
FRICTION."
YOU HAD THE BOOTH "FUN WITH
FRICTION."
YEAH.
FRICTION."
YEAH.
WELL, IT'S REALLY NICE OF YOU
YEAH.
WELL, IT'S REALLY NICE OF YOU
TO COME AND VISIT ME IN THE
WELL, IT'S REALLY NICE OF YOU
TO COME AND VISIT ME IN THE
HOSPITAL, CONSIDERING I CAN'T
TO COME AND VISIT ME IN THE
HOSPITAL, CONSIDERING I CAN'T
EVEN REMEMBER YOUR NAME.
HOSPITAL, CONSIDERING I CAN'T
EVEN REMEMBER YOUR NAME.
OH, I-I'M GRANT ROBINSON JR.
EVEN REMEMBER YOUR NAME.
OH, I-I'M GRANT ROBINSON JR.
FROM HARRIET TUBMAN HIGH.
OH, I-I'M GRANT ROBINSON JR.
FROM HARRIET TUBMAN HIGH.
MY MOTHER WORKS IN THE HOSPITAL.
FROM HARRIET TUBMAN HIGH.
MY MOTHER WORKS IN THE HOSPITAL.
MY BOOKS, SHE'S GOT THEM OUT
MY MOTHER WORKS IN THE HOSPITAL.
MY BOOKS, SHE'S GOT THEM OUT
THERE.
MY BOOKS, SHE'S GOT THEM OUT
THERE.
I COME HERE TO DO MY HOMEWORK.
THERE.
I COME HERE TO DO MY HOMEWORK.
OH.
I COME HERE TO DO MY HOMEWORK.
OH.
THANKS, GRANT.
OH.
THANKS, GRANT.
HI, LISA.
THANKS, GRANT.
HI, LISA.
HI, MOM.
HI, LISA.
HI, MOM.
OH, LISA, WHY DON'T YOU
HI, MOM.
OH, LISA, WHY DON'T YOU
INTRODUCE ME TO YOUR NICE YOUNG
OH, LISA, WHY DON'T YOU
INTRODUCE ME TO YOUR NICE YOUNG
NEGRO FRIEND?
INTRODUCE ME TO YOUR NICE YOUNG
NEGRO FRIEND?
I-I'M GRANT ROBINSON JR.,
NEGRO FRIEND?
I-I'M GRANT ROBINSON JR.,
HARRIET TUBMAN HIGH.
I-I'M GRANT ROBINSON JR.,
HARRIET TUBMAN HIGH.
UM, MY MOTHER WORKS IN THE
HARRIET TUBMAN HIGH.
UM, MY MOTHER WORKS IN THE
HOSPITAL.
UM, MY MOTHER WORKS IN THE
HOSPITAL.
DOESN'T LISA LOOK WELL?
HOSPITAL.
DOESN'T LISA LOOK WELL?
[LAUGHS, SNORTS]
DOESN'T LISA LOOK WELL?
[LAUGHS, SNORTS]
UH, WHAT'S SHE GOT?
[LAUGHS, SNORTS]
UH, WHAT'S SHE GOT?
OH, IT'S JUST A STUPID
UH, WHAT'S SHE GOT?
OH, IT'S JUST A STUPID
DEVIATED SEPTUM.
OH, IT'S JUST A STUPID
DEVIATED SEPTUM.
THEY'RE GONNA OPERATE ON ME
DEVIATED SEPTUM.
THEY'RE GONNA OPERATE ON ME
TOMORROW.
THEY'RE GONNA OPERATE ON ME
TOMORROW.
THEY JUST HAVE TO MOVE THIS
TOMORROW.
THEY JUST HAVE TO MOVE THIS
LITTLE BIT OF CARTILAGE IN MY
THEY JUST HAVE TO MOVE THIS
LITTLE BIT OF CARTILAGE IN MY
NOSE.
LITTLE BIT OF CARTILAGE IN MY
NOSE.
OH.
NOSE.
OH.
WILL IT, UH...
OH.
WILL IT, UH...
CHANGE THE WAY YOU SPEAK?
WILL IT, UH...
CHANGE THE WAY YOU SPEAK?
I HOPE NOT.
CHANGE THE WAY YOU SPEAK?
I HOPE NOT.
WELL, YOU, UH, WOULDN'T WANT
I HOPE NOT.
WELL, YOU, UH, WOULDN'T WANT
TO BUY ANY CHOCOLATE TO SUPPORT
WELL, YOU, UH, WOULDN'T WANT
TO BUY ANY CHOCOLATE TO SUPPORT
OUR BASEBALL TEAM,
TO BUY ANY CHOCOLATE TO SUPPORT
OUR BASEBALL TEAM,
THE BLUE DEVILS, WOULD YOU?
OUR BASEBALL TEAM,
THE BLUE DEVILS, WOULD YOU?
OH, NO, THANKS, GRANT.
THE BLUE DEVILS, WOULD YOU?
OH, NO, THANKS, GRANT.
I DIDN'T THINK SO.
OH, NO, THANKS, GRANT.
I DIDN'T THINK SO.
UH, WELL, I GOT TO GO NOW.
I DIDN'T THINK SO.
UH, WELL, I GOT TO GO NOW.
SEE YOU.
UH, WELL, I GOT TO GO NOW.
SEE YOU.
BYE.
SEE YOU.
BYE.
LISA, WILL YOU BE ALL RIGHT
BYE.
LISA, WILL YOU BE ALL RIGHT
ALONE FOR A MINUTE?
LISA, WILL YOU BE ALL RIGHT
ALONE FOR A MINUTE?
I JUST WANT TO GET A CUP OF THAT
ALONE FOR A MINUTE?
I JUST WANT TO GET A CUP OF THAT
DELICIOUS HOSPITAL-CAFETERIA
I JUST WANT TO GET A CUP OF THAT
DELICIOUS HOSPITAL-CAFETERIA
COFFEE.
DELICIOUS HOSPITAL-CAFETERIA
COFFEE.
SURE, MOM.
COFFEE.
SURE, MOM.
SEE YOU LATER.
[BLOWS NOSE]
GUESS WHO.
OH!
UM, JOHN TRAVOLTA?
OH!
UM, JOHN TRAVOLTA?
WELL, YOU'RE WARM, ANYWAY.
UM, JOHN TRAVOLTA?
WELL, YOU'RE WARM, ANYWAY.
UH, PAUL MICHAEL GLASER?
WELL, YOU'RE WARM, ANYWAY.
UH, PAUL MICHAEL GLASER?
OH, YOU'RE BOILING HOT NOW!
UH, PAUL MICHAEL GLASER?
OH, YOU'RE BOILING HOT NOW!
OH, I KNOW!
OH, YOU'RE BOILING HOT NOW!
OH, I KNOW!
MORK!
OH, I KNOW!
MORK!
THE POOR CHILD IS DELIRIOUS.
MORK!
THE POOR CHILD IS DELIRIOUS.
SHE NO LONGER RECOGNIZES THE
THE POOR CHILD IS DELIRIOUS.
SHE NO LONGER RECOGNIZES THE
VELVET TOUCH OF THE ALWAYS
SHE NO LONGER RECOGNIZES THE
VELVET TOUCH OF THE ALWAYS
GREAT, NEVER LESS THAN
VELVET TOUCH OF THE ALWAYS
GREAT, NEVER LESS THAN
SENSATIONAL TODD DiLaMUCA.
GREAT, NEVER LESS THAN
SENSATIONAL TODD DiLaMUCA.
OH.
SENSATIONAL TODD DiLaMUCA.
OH.
HI, TODD.
OH.
HI, TODD.
HOW ARE YOU FEELING, LISA?
HI, TODD.
HOW ARE YOU FEELING, LISA?
OH, I'M FEELING FINE.
HOW ARE YOU FEELING, LISA?
OH, I'M FEELING FINE.
ASK ME HOW I'M FEELING.
OH, I'M FEELING FINE.
ASK ME HOW I'M FEELING.
HOW ARE YOU FEELING?
ASK ME HOW I'M FEELING.
HOW ARE YOU FEELING?
WITH MY HANDS!
HOW ARE YOU FEELING?
WITH MY HANDS!
OH, CUT IT OUT!
WITH MY HANDS!
OH, CUT IT OUT!
MY GOSH.
OH, CUT IT OUT!
MY GOSH.
YOU'VE HAD YOUR BUSTS REMOVED.
MY GOSH.
YOU'VE HAD YOUR BUSTS REMOVED.
IF YOU'RE CALLING THIS YOUR HOPE
YOU'VE HAD YOUR BUSTS REMOVED.
IF YOU'RE CALLING THIS YOUR HOPE
CHEST, KEEP HOPING, LISA.
IF YOU'RE CALLING THIS YOUR HOPE
CHEST, KEEP HOPING, LISA.
OH, THAT'S SO FUNNY, I FORGOT
CHEST, KEEP HOPING, LISA.
OH, THAT'S SO FUNNY, I FORGOT
TO LAUGH.
OH, THAT'S SO FUNNY, I FORGOT
TO LAUGH.
[IMITATING SIREN]
TO LAUGH.
[IMITATING SIREN]
UH-OH... THE NOOGIE AMBULANCE!
[IMITATING SIREN]
UH-OH... THE NOOGIE AMBULANCE!
OH! STOP IT!
UH-OH... THE NOOGIE AMBULANCE!
OH! STOP IT!
HERE'S SOME SPECIAL GET-WELL
OH! STOP IT!
HERE'S SOME SPECIAL GET-WELL
NOOGIES.
HERE'S SOME SPECIAL GET-WELL
NOOGIES.
OH, WHAT A TRAGEDY!
NOOGIES.
OH, WHAT A TRAGEDY!
DON'T WORRY, MY DEAR.
OH, WHAT A TRAGEDY!
DON'T WORRY, MY DEAR.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
DON'T WORRY, MY DEAR.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
THESE HAVE ALL BEEN STERILIZED.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
THESE HAVE ALL BEEN STERILIZED.
CUT IT OUT, PIZZA FACE!
THESE HAVE ALL BEEN STERILIZED.
CUT IT OUT, PIZZA FACE!
YEAH!
CUT IT OUT, PIZZA FACE!
YEAH!
PATHETIC SHELL OF A HUMAN
YEAH!
PATHETIC SHELL OF A HUMAN
BEING.
PATHETIC SHELL OF A HUMAN
BEING.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
BEING.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
STOP IT, TODD!
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
STOP IT, TODD!
COME IN!
STOP IT, TODD!
COME IN!
WHOA!
COME IN!
WHOA!
OH, NO.
WHOA!
OH, NO.
CHAZ "THE SPAZ" KNERLMAN.
OH, NO.
CHAZ "THE SPAZ" KNERLMAN.
HOW'S IT HANGING, PIZZA FACE?
CHAZ "THE SPAZ" KNERLMAN.
HOW'S IT HANGING, PIZZA FACE?
WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO KNOW.
HOW'S IT HANGING, PIZZA FACE?
WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO KNOW.
WHY DON'T YOU PUT AN EGG IN
WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO KNOW.
WHY DON'T YOU PUT AN EGG IN
YOUR SHOE AND BEAT IT!
WHY DON'T YOU PUT AN EGG IN
YOUR SHOE AND BEAT IT!
LISA, I WOULD'VE BEEN HERE
YOUR SHOE AND BEAT IT!
LISA, I WOULD'VE BEEN HERE
SOONER, BUT I WAS OUT BUYING
LISA, I WOULD'VE BEEN HERE
SOONER, BUT I WAS OUT BUYING
THESE EXPENSIVE GIFTS...
SOONER, BUT I WAS OUT BUYING
THESE EXPENSIVE GIFTS...
FLOWERS AND THESE EXPENSIVE
THESE EXPENSIVE GIFTS...
FLOWERS AND THESE EXPENSIVE
CHOCOLATES AND THIS RECORD,
FLOWERS AND THESE EXPENSIVE
CHOCOLATES AND THIS RECORD,
"MARVIN HAMLISCH DOES IT TO
CHOCOLATES AND THIS RECORD,
"MARVIN HAMLISCH DOES IT TO
MARVIN HAMLISCH."
"MARVIN HAMLISCH DOES IT TO
MARVIN HAMLISCH."
OH.
MARVIN HAMLISCH."
OH.
THANK YOU, CHARLES.
OH.
THANK YOU, CHARLES.
THIS IS THE HAPPIEST MOMENT OF
THANK YOU, CHARLES.
THIS IS THE HAPPIEST MOMENT OF
MY LIFE, EVEN IF IT IS CUT
THIS IS THE HAPPIEST MOMENT OF
MY LIFE, EVEN IF IT IS CUT
TRAGICALLY SHORT BY ILLNESS.
MY LIFE, EVEN IF IT IS CUT
TRAGICALLY SHORT BY ILLNESS.
AND HERE'S A GREETING CARD I
TRAGICALLY SHORT BY ILLNESS.
AND HERE'S A GREETING CARD I
THOUGHTFULLY MADE YOU MYSELF
AND HERE'S A GREETING CARD I
THOUGHTFULLY MADE YOU MYSELF
WITH THESE HANDS.
THOUGHTFULLY MADE YOU MYSELF
WITH THESE HANDS.
OH.
WITH THESE HANDS.
OH.
"TO LISA.
OH.
"TO LISA.
TO A GREAT GAL WITH A DEVIATED
"TO LISA.
TO A GREAT GAL WITH A DEVIATED
SEPTUM.
TO A GREAT GAL WITH A DEVIATED
SEPTUM.
SHE WON A FRIEND AND ALWAYS KEPT
SEPTUM.
SHE WON A FRIEND AND ALWAYS KEPT
HIM.
SHE WON A FRIEND AND ALWAYS KEPT
HIM.
FINEST REGARDS FROM THAT FRIEND,
HIM.
FINEST REGARDS FROM THAT FRIEND,
CHARLES KNERLMAN."
FINEST REGARDS FROM THAT FRIEND,
CHARLES KNERLMAN."
"PRESIDENT OF THE SCIENCE
CHARLES KNERLMAN."
"PRESIDENT OF THE SCIENCE
CLUB."
"PRESIDENT OF THE SCIENCE
CLUB."
OH, IT'S BEAUTIFUL, CHARLES!
CLUB."
OH, IT'S BEAUTIFUL, CHARLES!
OH, UH, LISA, I FORGOT TO
OH, IT'S BEAUTIFUL, CHARLES!
OH, UH, LISA, I FORGOT TO
GIVE YOU MY PRESENT.
OH, UH, LISA, I FORGOT TO
GIVE YOU MY PRESENT.
HERE'S A BUCK.
GIVE YOU MY PRESENT.
HERE'S A BUCK.
I FORGOT TO WRAP IT.
HERE'S A BUCK.
I FORGOT TO WRAP IT.
MERCI BUCKETS!
I FORGOT TO WRAP IT.
MERCI BUCKETS!
SO, HOW ARE YOU, LISA?
MERCI BUCKETS!
SO, HOW ARE YOU, LISA?
OH, THE DOCTORS DON'T KNOW
SO, HOW ARE YOU, LISA?
OH, THE DOCTORS DON'T KNOW
FOR SURE.
OH, THE DOCTORS DON'T KNOW
FOR SURE.
BUT DON'T WORRY.
FOR SURE.
BUT DON'T WORRY.
I BELIEVE IN REINCARNATION.
BUT DON'T WORRY.
I BELIEVE IN REINCARNATION.
OH, YOU'RE SO BRAVE, LISA.
I BELIEVE IN REINCARNATION.
OH, YOU'RE SO BRAVE, LISA.
YOU REMIND ME OF ME.
OH, YOU'RE SO BRAVE, LISA.
YOU REMIND ME OF ME.
UGH!
YOU REMIND ME OF ME.
UGH!
CHARLES, HOW IS OUR SCHOOL?
UGH!
CHARLES, HOW IS OUR SCHOOL?
I SO MISS LEARNING!
CHARLES, HOW IS OUR SCHOOL?
I SO MISS LEARNING!
DON'T WORRY, LISA, 'CAUSE I
I SO MISS LEARNING!
DON'T WORRY, LISA, 'CAUSE I
CONSIDERATELY BROUGHT YOU ALL
DON'T WORRY, LISA, 'CAUSE I
CONSIDERATELY BROUGHT YOU ALL
YOU HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENTS FOR THE
CONSIDERATELY BROUGHT YOU ALL
YOU HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENTS FOR THE
NEXT TWO WEEKS IN ADVANCE.
YOU HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENTS FOR THE
NEXT TWO WEEKS IN ADVANCE.
OH, THANK YOU.
NEXT TWO WEEKS IN ADVANCE.
OH, THANK YOU.
WAIT A MINUTE.
OH, THANK YOU.
WAIT A MINUTE.
I THOUGHT I WAS BRINGING YOU
WAIT A MINUTE.
I THOUGHT I WAS BRINGING YOU
THE HOMEWORK.
I THOUGHT I WAS BRINGING YOU
THE HOMEWORK.
BUT I GUESS YOU WON'T BE NEEDING
THE HOMEWORK.
BUT I GUESS YOU WON'T BE NEEDING
IT, NOW THAT YOU'RE GETTING IT
BUT I GUESS YOU WON'T BE NEEDING
IT, NOW THAT YOU'RE GETTING IT
SOMEWHERE ELSE.
IT, NOW THAT YOU'RE GETTING IT
SOMEWHERE ELSE.
[GASPS]
SOMEWHERE ELSE.
[GASPS]
IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK, TODD!
[GASPS]
IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK, TODD!
ANYWAY, IT'S NONE OF YOUR
IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK, TODD!
ANYWAY, IT'S NONE OF YOUR
BEESWAX!
ANYWAY, IT'S NONE OF YOUR
BEESWAX!
WHY DON'T YOU SHUT UP,
BEESWAX!
WHY DON'T YOU SHUT UP,
SPAZALOPOLIS?
WHY DON'T YOU SHUT UP,
SPAZALOPOLIS?
SHAME ON YOU, LISA, TAKING
SPAZALOPOLIS?
SHAME ON YOU, LISA, TAKING
HOMEWORK FROM TWO DIFFERENT GUYS
SHAME ON YOU, LISA, TAKING
HOMEWORK FROM TWO DIFFERENT GUYS
AT THE SAME TIME AND NEVER
HOMEWORK FROM TWO DIFFERENT GUYS
AT THE SAME TIME AND NEVER
LETTING EITHER ONE KNOW WHERE
AT THE SAME TIME AND NEVER
LETTING EITHER ONE KNOW WHERE
IT WAS REALLY AT.
LETTING EITHER ONE KNOW WHERE
IT WAS REALLY AT.
OH, CHARLES, COULD YOU HELP
IT WAS REALLY AT.
OH, CHARLES, COULD YOU HELP
ME SIT UP?
OH, CHARLES, COULD YOU HELP
ME SIT UP?
I'D LIKE TO SEE THE SUNSET FOR
ME SIT UP?
I'D LIKE TO SEE THE SUNSET FOR
ONE LAST TIME.
I'D LIKE TO SEE THE SUNSET FOR
ONE LAST TIME.
CERTAINEMENT.
ONE LAST TIME.
CERTAINEMENT.
I'LL ADJUST THAT FOR HER.
CERTAINEMENT.
I'LL ADJUST THAT FOR HER.
I GOT IT.
I'LL ADJUST THAT FOR HER.
I GOT IT.
NO, I HAVE IT!
I GOT IT.
NO, I HAVE IT!
WATCH IT, TODD!
NO, I HAVE IT!
WATCH IT, TODD!
I'VE GOT IT!
WATCH IT, TODD!
I'VE GOT IT!
I'VE GOT IT!
I'VE GOT IT!
I'VE GOT IT!
HEY, BUDDY, GIVE ME BACK THAT
I'VE GOT IT!
HEY, BUDDY, GIVE ME BACK THAT
PENCIL POCKET PROTECTOR!
HEY, BUDDY, GIVE ME BACK THAT
PENCIL POCKET PROTECTOR!
HERE'S WHAT I THINK OF YOUR
PENCIL POCKET PROTECTOR!
HERE'S WHAT I THINK OF YOUR
DUMB POCKET PROTECTOR, YOU...
HERE'S WHAT I THINK OF YOUR
DUMB POCKET PROTECTOR, YOU...
YOU STUPID DUMBFACE!
DUMB POCKET PROTECTOR, YOU...
YOU STUPID DUMBFACE!
OH! OH, NO!
YOU STUPID DUMBFACE!
OH! OH, NO!
[GRUNTING]
OH! OH, NO!
[GRUNTING]
OH!
[GRUNTING]
OH!
[GRUNTING]
OH!
[GRUNTING]
I SEE YOU DON'T PLAY BY THE
[GRUNTING]
I SEE YOU DON'T PLAY BY THE
RULES, KNERLMAN.
I SEE YOU DON'T PLAY BY THE
RULES, KNERLMAN.
WELL, NEITHER DO I...
RULES, KNERLMAN.
WELL, NEITHER DO I...
WHAT HAPPENED HERE?
WELL, NEITHER DO I...
WHAT HAPPENED HERE?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WHAT HAPPENED HERE?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
OH!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
OH!
[SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY]
OH!
[SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY]
STOP IT!
[SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY]
STOP IT!
HI, KIDS!
STOP IT!
HI, KIDS!
MOM!
HI, KIDS!
MOM!
Both: [Singsong voice]
MOM!
Both: [Singsong voice]
HELLO, MRS. LOOPNER.
40 LASHES WITH A WET NOODLE
FOR YOU TWO YOUNG MEN!
THANKS, MOM!
FOR YOU TWO YOUNG MEN!
THANKS, MOM!
WELL, VISITING HOURS ARE
THANKS, MOM!
WELL, VISITING HOURS ARE
OVER.
WELL, VISITING HOURS ARE
OVER.
YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO LEAVE
OVER.
YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO LEAVE
NOW.
YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO LEAVE
NOW.
IT'S TIME TO GO.
NOW.
IT'S TIME TO GO.
GOOD LUCK WITH THE OPERATION
IT'S TIME TO GO.
GOOD LUCK WITH THE OPERATION
TOMORROW, LISA.
GOOD LUCK WITH THE OPERATION
TOMORROW, LISA.
THANK YOU, CHARLES!
TOMORROW, LISA.
THANK YOU, CHARLES!
YES, I SINCERELY HOPE THE
THANK YOU, CHARLES!
YES, I SINCERELY HOPE THE
DOCTOR'S HAND DOESN'T SLIP AND
YES, I SINCERELY HOPE THE
DOCTOR'S HAND DOESN'T SLIP AND
YOU END UP WITH A DEVIATED FACE.
DOCTOR'S HAND DOESN'T SLIP AND
YOU END UP WITH A DEVIATED FACE.
WELL, IF I DIE, I'M DONATING
YOU END UP WITH A DEVIATED FACE.
WELL, IF I DIE, I'M DONATING
MY ORGANS TO SCIENCE AND MY SKIN
WELL, IF I DIE, I'M DONATING
MY ORGANS TO SCIENCE AND MY SKIN
TO YOU, PIZZA FACE!
MY ORGANS TO SCIENCE AND MY SKIN
TO YOU, PIZZA FACE!
PBTH!
TO YOU, PIZZA FACE!
PBTH!
GOODBYE, LADIES.
PBTH!
GOODBYE, LADIES.
AND BOY.
NOW, LISA, GET SOME SLEEP.
AND DON'T BE SCARED.
WHEN YOU WAKE UP, I'LL BE IN THE
AND DON'T BE SCARED.
WHEN YOU WAKE UP, I'LL BE IN THE
RECOVERY ROOM WITH BELLS ON.
WHEN YOU WAKE UP, I'LL BE IN THE
RECOVERY ROOM WITH BELLS ON.
I'M NOT SCARED, MOM.
RECOVERY ROOM WITH BELLS ON.
I'M NOT SCARED, MOM.
[LAUGHS]
I'M NOT SCARED, MOM.
[LAUGHS]
[SNORTS]
[LAUGHS]
[SNORTS]
HEY, ARE... ARE YOU
[SNORTS]
HEY, ARE... ARE YOU
M-MRS. ROBINSON?
HEY, ARE... ARE YOU
M-MRS. ROBINSON?
YES, I AM.
M-MRS. ROBINSON?
YES, I AM.
OH, I KNOW YOUR SON GRANT.
YES, I AM.
OH, I KNOW YOUR SON GRANT.
HE'S SOMEWHERE IN THE BUILDING.
OH, I KNOW YOUR SON GRANT.
HE'S SOMEWHERE IN THE BUILDING.
I KNOW YOU DO.
HE'S SOMEWHERE IN THE BUILDING.
I KNOW YOU DO.
NOW YOU GO TO SLEEP.
I KNOW YOU DO.
NOW YOU GO TO SLEEP.
YOU HAVE A BIG DAY AHEAD OF YOU
NOW YOU GO TO SLEEP.
YOU HAVE A BIG DAY AHEAD OF YOU
TOMORROW.
YOU HAVE A BIG DAY AHEAD OF YOU
TOMORROW.
THANK YOU, MRS. ROBINSON.
TOMORROW.
THANK YOU, MRS. ROBINSON.
RIGHT.
THANK YOU, MRS. ROBINSON.
RIGHT.
[WHEEZING]
[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]
WELCOME TO "LOOKS AT BOOKS."
I'M JANE CURTIN, AND WE'RE GOING
TO TALK TO THE MAN WHO'S WRITTEN
I'M JANE CURTIN, AND WE'RE GOING
TO TALK TO THE MAN WHO'S WRITTEN
THIS BOOK...
TO TALK TO THE MAN WHO'S WRITTEN
THIS BOOK...
"MAULED."
THIS BOOK...
"MAULED."
PLEASE WELCOME BOB CRAWFORD.
"MAULED."
PLEASE WELCOME BOB CRAWFORD.
BOB, WHY "MAULED"?
PLEASE WELCOME BOB CRAWFORD.
BOB, WHY "MAULED"?
BECAUSE THERE ARE OVER 150
BOB, WHY "MAULED"?
BECAUSE THERE ARE OVER 150
PEOPLE MAULED BY BEARS IN THIS
BECAUSE THERE ARE OVER 150
PEOPLE MAULED BY BEARS IN THIS
COUNTRY EVERY YEAR.
PEOPLE MAULED BY BEARS IN THIS
COUNTRY EVERY YEAR.
YOU KNOW, THE MEDIA HAS
COUNTRY EVERY YEAR.
YOU KNOW, THE MEDIA HAS
PORTRAYED THE BEAR AS KIND OF A
YOU KNOW, THE MEDIA HAS
PORTRAYED THE BEAR AS KIND OF A
FRIENDLY, JOVIAL CHARACTER.
PORTRAYED THE BEAR AS KIND OF A
FRIENDLY, JOVIAL CHARACTER.
YOU GOT SMOKEY THE BEAR,
FRIENDLY, JOVIAL CHARACTER.
YOU GOT SMOKEY THE BEAR,
SUGAR BEAR, YOGI BEAR, BOO BOO.
YOU GOT SMOKEY THE BEAR,
SUGAR BEAR, YOGI BEAR, BOO BOO.
THE TRUTH IS, THE BEAR IS A VERY
SUGAR BEAR, YOGI BEAR, BOO BOO.
THE TRUTH IS, THE BEAR IS A VERY
DANGEROUS ANIMAL.
THE TRUTH IS, THE BEAR IS A VERY
DANGEROUS ANIMAL.
WELL, I HAVEN'T HAD TIME TO
DANGEROUS ANIMAL.
WELL, I HAVEN'T HAD TIME TO
ACTUALLY READ YOUR BOOK, BOB.
WELL, I HAVEN'T HAD TIME TO
ACTUALLY READ YOUR BOOK, BOB.
BUT WHAT EXACTLY WAS YOUR MAIN
ACTUALLY READ YOUR BOOK, BOB.
BUT WHAT EXACTLY WAS YOUR MAIN
INTEREST IN WRITING "MAULED"?
BUT WHAT EXACTLY WAS YOUR MAIN
INTEREST IN WRITING "MAULED"?
JANE, I WANTED TO WARN PEOPLE
INTEREST IN WRITING "MAULED"?
JANE, I WANTED TO WARN PEOPLE
ABOUT THE DANGERS OF FEEDING
JANE, I WANTED TO WARN PEOPLE
ABOUT THE DANGERS OF FEEDING
MARSHMALLOWS TO GRIZZLY BEARS.
ABOUT THE DANGERS OF FEEDING
MARSHMALLOWS TO GRIZZLY BEARS.
WELL, I CAN SEE HERE, FROM
MARSHMALLOWS TO GRIZZLY BEARS.
WELL, I CAN SEE HERE, FROM
THE BOOK JACKET, THAT YOU PUT A
WELL, I CAN SEE HERE, FROM
THE BOOK JACKET, THAT YOU PUT A
LARGE PART OF THE BLAME ON THE
THE BOOK JACKET, THAT YOU PUT A
LARGE PART OF THE BLAME ON THE
NATIONAL PARK SERVICE.
LARGE PART OF THE BLAME ON THE
NATIONAL PARK SERVICE.
YOU FEEL THAT THEY'RE NOT DOING
NATIONAL PARK SERVICE.
YOU FEEL THAT THEY'RE NOT DOING
ALL THEY CAN TO PREVENT BEAR
YOU FEEL THAT THEY'RE NOT DOING
ALL THEY CAN TO PREVENT BEAR
ATTACKS.
ALL THEY CAN TO PREVENT BEAR
ATTACKS.
THAT'S RIGHT, AND I HAVE SOME
ATTACKS.
THAT'S RIGHT, AND I HAVE SOME
PROPOSALS.
THAT'S RIGHT, AND I HAVE SOME
PROPOSALS.
FIRST OF ALL, THERE SHOULD BE
PROPOSALS.
FIRST OF ALL, THERE SHOULD BE
SIGNS POSTED PROMINENTLY ON ALL
FIRST OF ALL, THERE SHOULD BE
SIGNS POSTED PROMINENTLY ON ALL
NATIONAL PARK ENTRANCES SAYING
SIGNS POSTED PROMINENTLY ON ALL
NATIONAL PARK ENTRANCES SAYING
"DO NOT RIDE THE BEARS."
NATIONAL PARK ENTRANCES SAYING
"DO NOT RIDE THE BEARS."
SECONDLY, PARK RANGERS SHOULD
"DO NOT RIDE THE BEARS."
SECONDLY, PARK RANGERS SHOULD
WARN CAMPERS... IF THEY FIND
SECONDLY, PARK RANGERS SHOULD
WARN CAMPERS... IF THEY FIND
BEAR CUBS, LEAVE THEM ALONE.
WARN CAMPERS... IF THEY FIND
BEAR CUBS, LEAVE THEM ALONE.
DON'T TRY TO DRESS THEM UP IN
BEAR CUBS, LEAVE THEM ALONE.
DON'T TRY TO DRESS THEM UP IN
CHILDREN'S CLOTHES OR SWIMSUITS,
DON'T TRY TO DRESS THEM UP IN
CHILDREN'S CLOTHES OR SWIMSUITS,
WHAT HAVE YOU.
CHILDREN'S CLOTHES OR SWIMSUITS,
WHAT HAVE YOU.
MAKES A GREAT PICTURE, BUT
WHAT HAVE YOU.
MAKES A GREAT PICTURE, BUT
YOU'RE JUST PLAYING WITH FIRE.
MAKES A GREAT PICTURE, BUT
YOU'RE JUST PLAYING WITH FIRE.
THIRD, AND I WANT TO EMPHASIZE,
YOU'RE JUST PLAYING WITH FIRE.
THIRD, AND I WANT TO EMPHASIZE,
NEVER FEED A MARSHMALLOW TO A
THIRD, AND I WANT TO EMPHASIZE,
NEVER FEED A MARSHMALLOW TO A
GRIZZLY BEAR LIKE THIS.
WELL, THANK YOU FOR BEING ON
"LOOKS AT BOOKS," BOB.
MAYBE WE'LL HAVE YOU BACK
"LOOKS AT BOOKS," BOB.
MAYBE WE'LL HAVE YOU BACK
SOMETIME.
MAYBE WE'LL HAVE YOU BACK
SOMETIME.
ARE YOU PLANNING TO WRITE
SOMETIME.
ARE YOU PLANNING TO WRITE
ANOTHER BOOK?
ARE YOU PLANNING TO WRITE
ANOTHER BOOK?
GOSH, I CERTAINLY HOPE NOT.
ANOTHER BOOK?
GOSH, I CERTAINLY HOPE NOT.
THIS HAS BEEN JANE CURTIN FOR
GOSH, I CERTAINLY HOPE NOT.
THIS HAS BEEN JANE CURTIN FOR
"LOOKS AT BOOKS."
THIS HAS BEEN JANE CURTIN FOR
"LOOKS AT BOOKS."
GOOD NIGHT.
"LOOKS AT BOOKS."
GOOD NIGHT.
[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]
Announcer: ONCE AGAIN, HERE'S
VAN MORRISON.
[APPLAUSE]
VAN MORRISON.
[APPLAUSE]
["KINGDOM HALL" PLAYS]
♪ SO GLAD TO SEE YOU ♪
♪ SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE ♪
♪ COME HERE BESIDE ME NOW ♪
♪ SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE ♪
♪ COME HERE BESIDE ME NOW ♪
♪ WE CAN CLEAR INHIBITION AWAY ♪
♪ COME HERE BESIDE ME NOW ♪
♪ WE CAN CLEAR INHIBITION AWAY ♪
♪ ALL INHIBITIONS ♪
♪ WE CAN CLEAR INHIBITION AWAY ♪
♪ ALL INHIBITIONS ♪
♪ THROW THEM AWAY ♪
♪ ALL INHIBITIONS ♪
♪ THROW THEM AWAY ♪
♪ AND WHEN WE DANCE LIKE THIS ♪
♪ THROW THEM AWAY ♪
♪ AND WHEN WE DANCE LIKE THIS ♪
♪ LIKE WE NEVER BEEN DANCIN'
♪ AND WHEN WE DANCE LIKE THIS ♪
♪ LIKE WE NEVER BEEN DANCIN'
BEFORE ♪
♪ LIKE WE NEVER BEEN DANCIN'
BEFORE ♪
♪ OH, THEY WERE SWINGIN'
BEFORE ♪
♪ OH, THEY WERE SWINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ OH, THEY WERE SWINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ ALL RIGHT ♪
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ OH, BELLS WERE RINGIN'
♪ ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ OH, BELLS WERE RINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ OH, BELLS WERE RINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ A CHOIR ♪
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ A CHOIR ♪
♪ A CHOIR WAS SINGIN'
♪ A CHOIR ♪
♪ A CHOIR WAS SINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ A CHOIR WAS SINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ THEY WENT ♪
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ THEY WENT ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LILEY ♪
♪ THEY WENT ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LILEY ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LO-O-O-W ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LILEY ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LO-O-O-W ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LO-O-O-W ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO DO ♪
♪ WELL, THAT GOOD BODY MUSIC ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO DO ♪
♪ WELL, THAT GOOD BODY MUSIC ♪
♪ BRINGS YOU RIGHT HERE ♪
♪ WELL, THAT GOOD BODY MUSIC ♪
♪ BRINGS YOU RIGHT HERE ♪
♪ FREE-FLOWIN' MOTION, NOW ♪
♪ BRINGS YOU RIGHT HERE ♪
♪ FREE-FLOWIN' MOTION, NOW ♪
♪ WHEN WE'RE SHAKIN' IT OUT ON
♪ FREE-FLOWIN' MOTION, NOW ♪
♪ WHEN WE'RE SHAKIN' IT OUT ON
THE FLOOR ♪
♪ WHEN WE'RE SHAKIN' IT OUT ON
THE FLOOR ♪
♪ GOOD ROCKIN' MUSIC ♪
THE FLOOR ♪
♪ GOOD ROCKIN' MUSIC ♪
♪ DOWN IN YOUR SHOES ♪
♪ GOOD ROCKIN' MUSIC ♪
♪ DOWN IN YOUR SHOES ♪
♪ AND WHEN WE DANCE LIKE THIS ♪
♪ DOWN IN YOUR SHOES ♪
♪ AND WHEN WE DANCE LIKE THIS ♪
♪ LIKE WE NEVER BEEN DANCIN'
♪ AND WHEN WE DANCE LIKE THIS ♪
♪ LIKE WE NEVER BEEN DANCIN'
BEFORE ♪
♪ LIKE WE NEVER BEEN DANCIN'
BEFORE ♪
♪ OH, THEY WERE SWINGIN'
BEFORE ♪
♪ OH, THEY WERE SWINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ OH, THEY WERE SWINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ OH, BELLS WERE RINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ OH, BELLS WERE RINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ OH, BELLS WERE RINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ A CHOIR WAS SINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ A CHOIR WAS SINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ A CHOIR WAS SINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ THEY WENT ♪
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ THEY WENT ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LILEY ♪
♪ THEY WENT ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LILEY ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LO-O-O-W ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LILEY ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LO-O-O-W ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LO-O-O-W ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ ALL RIGHT ♪
[GUITAR SOLO]
♪ OH, THEY WERE SWINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ OH, BELLS WERE RINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ OH, BELLS WERE RINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ OH, BELLS WERE RINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ OH, A CHOIR WAS SINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ OH, A CHOIR WAS SINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ OH, A CHOIR WAS SINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ THEY WENT ♪
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ THEY WENT ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LILEY ♪
♪ THEY WENT ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LILEY ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LO-O-O-W ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LILEY ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LO-O-O-W ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LO-O-O-W ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO DO DO-DO ♪
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ OH, THEY WERE SWINGIN'
♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ OH, THEY WERE SWINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ OH, THEY WERE SWINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ OH, BELLS WERE RINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ OH, BELLS WERE RINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ OH, BELLS WERE RINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ A CHOIR WAS SINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ A CHOIR WAS SINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ A CHOIR WAS SINGIN'
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ THEY WENT ♪
DOWN AT THE KINGDOM HALL ♪
♪ THEY WENT ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LILEY ♪
♪ THEY WENT ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LILEY ♪
♪ HEY, LILEY, LILEY, LO-O-O-W ♪
BOY, GILDA, IT'S GREAT TO
FINALLY GET OUT OF THAT STUDIO.
I'LL SAY.
FINALLY GET OUT OF THAT STUDIO.
I'LL SAY.
IT'S NICE TO BE ABLE TO SPEND
I'LL SAY.
IT'S NICE TO BE ABLE TO SPEND
SOME TIME WITH SOMEONE ALONE,
IT'S NICE TO BE ABLE TO SPEND
SOME TIME WITH SOMEONE ALONE,
GILDA.
SOME TIME WITH SOMEONE ALONE,
GILDA.
YOU KNOW, THIS IS THE SIXTH SHOW
GILDA.
YOU KNOW, THIS IS THE SIXTH SHOW
I'VE DONE, AND I GUESS I FEEL
YOU KNOW, THIS IS THE SIXTH SHOW
I'VE DONE, AND I GUESS I FEEL
WE'VE BECOME GOOD FRIENDS...
I'VE DONE, AND I GUESS I FEEL
WE'VE BECOME GOOD FRIENDS...
ALMOST KINDRED SPIRITS.
WE'VE BECOME GOOD FRIENDS...
ALMOST KINDRED SPIRITS.
YEAH, I KNOW JUST HOW YOU
ALMOST KINDRED SPIRITS.
YEAH, I KNOW JUST HOW YOU
FEEL, STEVE.
YEAH, I KNOW JUST HOW YOU
FEEL, STEVE.
GILDA...
FEEL, STEVE.
GILDA...
[CLEARS THROAT]
GILDA...
[CLEARS THROAT]
THERE'S SOMETHING I HAVE TO TALK
[CLEARS THROAT]
THERE'S SOMETHING I HAVE TO TALK
TO YOU ABOUT.
THERE'S SOMETHING I HAVE TO TALK
TO YOU ABOUT.
YEAH?
TO YOU ABOUT.
YEAH?
YOUR MENUS.
YEAH?
YOUR MENUS.
OH, THANK YOU.
YOUR MENUS.
OH, THANK YOU.
THANKS.
OH, THANK YOU.
THANKS.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
THANKS.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
YOU KNOW, I'M VERY HONORED TO
YOU'RE WELCOME.
YOU KNOW, I'M VERY HONORED TO
HAVE YOU HERE.
YOU KNOW, I'M VERY HONORED TO
HAVE YOU HERE.
I'M A BIG FAN OF BOTH OF YOURS,
HAVE YOU HERE.
I'M A BIG FAN OF BOTH OF YOURS,
AND, YOU KNOW, WHEN I SAW IT WAS
I'M A BIG FAN OF BOTH OF YOURS,
AND, YOU KNOW, WHEN I SAW IT WAS
YOU AND MISS RADNER, I MADE SURE
AND, YOU KNOW, WHEN I SAW IT WAS
YOU AND MISS RADNER, I MADE SURE
THE STAFF... THE CHEF WOULD STAY
YOU AND MISS RADNER, I MADE SURE
THE STAFF... THE CHEF WOULD STAY
AN EXTRA HOUR.
THE STAFF... THE CHEF WOULD STAY
AN EXTRA HOUR.
WE WERE ABOUT TO CLOSE, BUT
AN EXTRA HOUR.
WE WERE ABOUT TO CLOSE, BUT
EVERYTHING'S FINE NOW.
WE WERE ABOUT TO CLOSE, BUT
EVERYTHING'S FINE NOW.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
EVERYTHING'S FINE NOW.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW NICE IT IS
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW NICE IT IS
TO EAT IN A RESTAURANT ALONE.
I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW NICE IT IS
TO EAT IN A RESTAURANT ALONE.
THANKS FOR KEEPING THE PLACE
TO EAT IN A RESTAURANT ALONE.
THANKS FOR KEEPING THE PLACE
OPEN FOR US.
THANKS FOR KEEPING THE PLACE
OPEN FOR US.
OKAY.
OPEN FOR US.
OKAY.
I'M SURE YOU GET BOTHERED A LOT,
OKAY.
I'M SURE YOU GET BOTHERED A LOT,
YOU KNOW?
I'M SURE YOU GET BOTHERED A LOT,
YOU KNOW?
YEAH, SOMETIMES.
YOU KNOW?
YEAH, SOMETIMES.
I'LL HAVE THE VEGETABLE PLATE.
YEAH, SOMETIMES.
I'LL HAVE THE VEGETABLE PLATE.
MAY I RECOMMEND THE LAMB
I'LL HAVE THE VEGETABLE PLATE.
MAY I RECOMMEND THE LAMB
CHOPS?
MAY I RECOMMEND THE LAMB
CHOPS?
THEY'RE ESPECIALLY GOOD.
CHOPS?
THEY'RE ESPECIALLY GOOD.
OH, I'M A VEGETARIAN, SO THAT
THEY'RE ESPECIALLY GOOD.
OH, I'M A VEGETARIAN, SO THAT
WOULDN'T BE FOR ME.
OH, I'M A VEGETARIAN, SO THAT
WOULDN'T BE FOR ME.
[As Steve] WELL, EXCU-U-SE
WOULDN'T BE FOR ME.
[As Steve] WELL, EXCU-U-SE
ME!
[As Steve] WELL, EXCU-U-SE
ME!
[LAUGHS]
ME!
[LAUGHS]
I-I'LL HAVE THE LAMB CHOPS.
[LAUGHS]
I-I'LL HAVE THE LAMB CHOPS.
[Normal voice] HOW WOULD
I-I'LL HAVE THE LAMB CHOPS.
[Normal voice] HOW WOULD
YOU LIKE THEM?
[Normal voice] HOW WOULD
YOU LIKE THEM?
WELL DONE.
YOU LIKE THEM?
WELL DONE.
OH, NO.
WELL DONE.
OH, NO.
RAMS ARE WELL HUNG.
OH, NO.
RAMS ARE WELL HUNG.
LAMBS ARE NOT WELL HUNG.
RAMS ARE WELL HUNG.
LAMBS ARE NOT WELL HUNG.
I-I SAID "WELL DONE."
LAMBS ARE NOT WELL HUNG.
I-I SAID "WELL DONE."
[As Emily Litella] OH,
I-I SAID "WELL DONE."
[As Emily Litella] OH,
NEVER MIND!
[As Emily Litella] OH,
NEVER MIND!
[LAUGHS]
NEVER MIND!
[LAUGHS]
UH, GILDA, MY GIRLFRIEND AND
[LAUGHS]
UH, GILDA, MY GIRLFRIEND AND
I ARE VERY CLOSE, AND I'VE JUST
UH, GILDA, MY GIRLFRIEND AND
I ARE VERY CLOSE, AND I'VE JUST
BEEN... WELL, I JUST FOUND OUT
I ARE VERY CLOSE, AND I'VE JUST
BEEN... WELL, I JUST FOUND OUT
THAT SHE HAS A TERMINAL ILLNESS,
BEEN... WELL, I JUST FOUND OUT
THAT SHE HAS A TERMINAL ILLNESS,
AND I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD
THAT SHE HAS A TERMINAL ILLNESS,
AND I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD
HELP ME THROUGH THIS DIFFICULT
AND I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD
HELP ME THROUGH THIS DIFFICULT
PERIOD.
HELP ME THROUGH THIS DIFFICULT
PERIOD.
OH, STEVE.
PERIOD.
OH, STEVE.
WHY, THAT'S TERRIBLE.
OH, STEVE.
WHY, THAT'S TERRIBLE.
AND YET IT SOUNDS VERY
WHY, THAT'S TERRIBLE.
AND YET IT SOUNDS VERY
INTRIGUING.
AND YET IT SOUNDS VERY
INTRIGUING.
A COMPLIMENTARY BOTTLE OF
INTRIGUING.
A COMPLIMENTARY BOTTLE OF
WINE FROM ME, THE WAITER,
A COMPLIMENTARY BOTTLE OF
WINE FROM ME, THE WAITER,
RICHIE ROBERTS, TO A WILD AND
WINE FROM ME, THE WAITER,
RICHIE ROBERTS, TO A WILD AND
CRAZY GUY!
RICHIE ROBERTS, TO A WILD AND
CRAZY GUY!
[LAUGHS]
CRAZY GUY!
[LAUGHS]
AND TO A WILD AND CWAZY
[LAUGHS]
AND TO A WILD AND CWAZY
BAWBWA WAWA!
AND TO A WILD AND CWAZY
BAWBWA WAWA!
WIGHT, BAWBWA?!
BAWBWA WAWA!
WIGHT, BAWBWA?!
RIGHT. RIGHT.
WIGHT, BAWBWA?!
RIGHT. RIGHT.
UM, SO, HOW LONG DOES YOUR
RIGHT. RIGHT.
UM, SO, HOW LONG DOES YOUR
GIRLFRIEND HAVE TO LIVE?
UM, SO, HOW LONG DOES YOUR
GIRLFRIEND HAVE TO LIVE?
JUST A MATTER OF MONTHS,
GIRLFRIEND HAVE TO LIVE?
JUST A MATTER OF MONTHS,
MAYBE WEEKS.
JUST A MATTER OF MONTHS,
MAYBE WEEKS.
SHE'S THE... SHE TOLD ME THAT
MAYBE WEEKS.
SHE'S THE... SHE TOLD ME THAT
YOU WERE THE ONE GIRL THAT SHE
SHE'S THE... SHE TOLD ME THAT
YOU WERE THE ONE GIRL THAT SHE
WOULDN'T MIND ME SEEING WHILE
YOU WERE THE ONE GIRL THAT SHE
WOULDN'T MIND ME SEEING WHILE
SHE WAS DYING.
WOULDN'T MIND ME SEEING WHILE
SHE WAS DYING.
OH, SHE MUST BE A WONDERFUL,
SHE WAS DYING.
OH, SHE MUST BE A WONDERFUL,
WONDERFUL WOMAN.
OH, SHE MUST BE A WONDERFUL,
WONDERFUL WOMAN.
[POUNDING]
WONDERFUL WOMAN.
[POUNDING]
HAPPY FEET! HAPPY FEET!
[POUNDING]
HAPPY FEET! HAPPY FEET!
HAPPY FEET! HAPPY FEET!
HAPPY FEET! HAPPY FEET!
HAPPY FEET! HAPPY FEET!
I HOPE YOU DON'T FIND ANY
HAPPY FEET! HAPPY FEET!
I HOPE YOU DON'T FIND ANY
TOENAILS OR BOOGERS IN THE
I HOPE YOU DON'T FIND ANY
TOENAILS OR BOOGERS IN THE
SALAD, ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA.
TOENAILS OR BOOGERS IN THE
SALAD, ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA.
LOOK, LOOK, WE APPRECIATE
SALAD, ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA.
LOOK, LOOK, WE APPRECIATE
WHAT YOU'RE DOING, BUT WE'RE
LOOK, LOOK, WE APPRECIATE
WHAT YOU'RE DOING, BUT WE'RE
TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING VERY
WHAT YOU'RE DOING, BUT WE'RE
TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING VERY
INTIMATE AND WOULD APPRECIATE IT
TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING VERY
INTIMATE AND WOULD APPRECIATE IT
IF YOU WOULDN'T BOTHER US, ALL
INTIMATE AND WOULD APPRECIATE IT
IF YOU WOULDN'T BOTHER US, ALL
RIGHT?
IF YOU WOULDN'T BOTHER US, ALL
RIGHT?
[As Steve] WELL, EXCU-U-SE
RIGHT?
[As Steve] WELL, EXCU-U-SE
ME!
[As Steve] WELL, EXCU-U-SE
ME!
LOOK, WOULD YOU JUST LEAVE US
ME!
LOOK, WOULD YOU JUST LEAVE US
ALONE AND STOP BOTHERING US,
LOOK, WOULD YOU JUST LEAVE US
ALONE AND STOP BOTHERING US,
PLEASE?
ALONE AND STOP BOTHERING US,
PLEASE?
WELL, EXCU-U-SE ME!
PLEASE?
WELL, EXCU-U-SE ME!
NOW, STOP IT!
WELL, EXCU-U-SE ME!
NOW, STOP IT!
WE ARE HUMAN BEINGS!
NOW, STOP IT!
WE ARE HUMAN BEINGS!
WE HAVE A RIGHT TO SOME PRIVACY!
WE ARE HUMAN BEINGS!
WE HAVE A RIGHT TO SOME PRIVACY!
[Normal voice] OH, COME ON!
WE HAVE A RIGHT TO SOME PRIVACY!
[Normal voice] OH, COME ON!
WHY DID YOU GO INTO SHOW
[Normal voice] OH, COME ON!
WHY DID YOU GO INTO SHOW
BUSINESS, ANYWAY?
WHY DID YOU GO INTO SHOW
BUSINESS, ANYWAY?
TO BE FAMOUS, RIGHT?
BUSINESS, ANYWAY?
TO BE FAMOUS, RIGHT?
NO, WE WANTED TO BE ARTISTS!
TO BE FAMOUS, RIGHT?
NO, WE WANTED TO BE ARTISTS!
WELL, THEN WHY DID YOU GO ON
NO, WE WANTED TO BE ARTISTS!
WELL, THEN WHY DID YOU GO ON
THE BOB HOPE SPECIAL?
WELL, THEN WHY DID YOU GO ON
THE BOB HOPE SPECIAL?
WELL, THE BOB HOPE SPECIAL,
THE BOB HOPE SPECIAL?
WELL, THE BOB HOPE SPECIAL,
YOU DO THAT, YOU DO
WELL, THE BOB HOPE SPECIAL,
YOU DO THAT, YOU DO
"THE TONIGHT SHOW"...
YOU DO THAT, YOU DO
"THE TONIGHT SHOW"...
EVERYTHING!
"THE TONIGHT SHOW"...
EVERYTHING!
YOU DO "SATURDAY NIGHT"!
EVERYTHING!
YOU DO "SATURDAY NIGHT"!
IT'S ALL PART OF...
[MIDDLE-EASTERN MUSIC PLAYS]
♪ KING TUT ♪
YO, STICK AROUND.
♪ KING TUT ♪
YO, STICK AROUND.
WE'LL FINISH THIS SKETCH ON
YO, STICK AROUND.
WE'LL FINISH THIS SKETCH ON
THE NEXT SHOW I'M ON, IN
WE'LL FINISH THIS SKETCH ON
THE NEXT SHOW I'M ON, IN
FEBRUARY.
THE NEXT SHOW I'M ON, IN
FEBRUARY.
WE HAD A TECHNICAL PROBLEM
FEBRUARY.
WE HAD A TECHNICAL PROBLEM
TONIGHT.
WE HAD A TECHNICAL PROBLEM
TONIGHT.
THANKS FOR BEARING WITH US!
TONIGHT.
THANKS FOR BEARING WITH US!
WE'LL SEE YOU LATER!