Saturday Night Live (1975–…): Season 4, Episode 19 - Maureen Stapleton/Linda Ronstadt/Phoebe Snow - full transcript

The host for the episode is Maureen Stapleton, and the musical guests are Linda Rondstadt and Phoebe Snow (her third appearance). The skits for this episode are as follows: Ray the telepsychic answers questions from callers to his cable TV show and gives advice on home repairs, marital infidelity and lost relatives. An ad for the navy presents some of the less glamorous jobs it entails. Idi Amin shows up as someone's house guest. A Roach brothel attracts insects even better than a roach motel. Nick the lounge singer performs at the TransEastern. Dolly Parton speaks to a group of Veterans of Foreign Hairdos. Mr. Bill and Spot get beaten and abused by Mr. Hands and Sluggo. Linda Rondtadt and Phoebe Snow perform "It's In His Kiss" and "The Married Men" together.

HI, WELCOME TO CABLE TV
CHANNEL "D."
THIS IS "TELEPSYCHIC," AND MY

CHANNEL "D."
THIS IS "TELEPSYCHIC," AND MY
NAME IS RAY.

THIS IS "TELEPSYCHIC," AND MY
NAME IS RAY.
I'LL BE TAKING YOUR CALLS TODAY.

HERE'S THE NUMBERS...

555-1231, 2, 3 AND 4 AND 5.

ASK ME ABOUT ANYTHING, ABOUT

LIFE, MONEY, LOVE.

I'LL PREDICT FOR YOU OKAY?

HELLO. TELEPSYCHIC.
UH, YEAH, I WAS, UH,
WONDERING... HOW OLD AM I GONNA

UH, YEAH, I WAS, UH,
WONDERING... HOW OLD AM I GONNA
LIVE TO?

WONDERING... HOW OLD AM I GONNA
LIVE TO?
UM, I FEEL, UH, 74, OKAY?



LIVE TO?
UM, I FEEL, UH, 74, OKAY?
OKAY, YEAH, THANKS!

UM, I FEEL, UH, 74, OKAY?
OKAY, YEAH, THANKS!
OKAY, THANK YOU.

OKAY, YEAH, THANKS!
OKAY, THANK YOU.
HELLO. TELEPSYCHIC.

OKAY, THANK YOU.
HELLO. TELEPSYCHIC.
YEAH.

HELLO. TELEPSYCHIC.
YEAH.
[CLEARS THROAT]

YEAH.
[CLEARS THROAT]
IS THIS TELEPSYCHIC?

[CLEARS THROAT]
IS THIS TELEPSYCHIC?
YEAH, YEAH, GO AHEAD.

IS THIS TELEPSYCHIC?
YEAH, YEAH, GO AHEAD.
YOU'RE ON LIVE. GO AHEAD.

YEAH, YEAH, GO AHEAD.
YOU'RE ON LIVE. GO AHEAD.
UM, I HAVE NO PROOF, BUT I

YOU'RE ON LIVE. GO AHEAD.
UM, I HAVE NO PROOF, BUT I
GOT A FEELING MY WIFE, LUCILLE,

UM, I HAVE NO PROOF, BUT I
GOT A FEELING MY WIFE, LUCILLE,
MIGHT BE CHEATING ON ME.

GOT A FEELING MY WIFE, LUCILLE,
MIGHT BE CHEATING ON ME.
I WAS WONDERING IF YOU HAVE ANY

MIGHT BE CHEATING ON ME.
I WAS WONDERING IF YOU HAVE ANY
THOUGHTS ON THIS.

I WAS WONDERING IF YOU HAVE ANY
THOUGHTS ON THIS.
UH, I HATE TO BE THE ONE TO



THOUGHTS ON THIS.
UH, I HATE TO BE THE ONE TO
TELL YOU THIS, BUT I'M GETTING

UH, I HATE TO BE THE ONE TO
TELL YOU THIS, BUT I'M GETTING
AN IMAGE WHICH MAKES ME THINK

TELL YOU THIS, BUT I'M GETTING
AN IMAGE WHICH MAKES ME THINK
SHE'S GETTING IT ON THE SIDE.

AN IMAGE WHICH MAKES ME THINK
SHE'S GETTING IT ON THE SIDE.
OH, NO!

SHE'S GETTING IT ON THE SIDE.
OH, NO!
WHO IS IT?! I'LL KILL HIM!

OH, NO!
WHO IS IT?! I'LL KILL HIM!
ALL I CAN TELL YOU IS A

WHO IS IT?! I'LL KILL HIM!
ALL I CAN TELL YOU IS A
NAME... DICK, OKAY?

ALL I CAN TELL YOU IS A
NAME... DICK, OKAY?
DICK.

NAME... DICK, OKAY?
DICK.
OKAY. THANK YOU.

DICK.
OKAY. THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT.

OKAY. THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT.
HELLO. TELEPSYCHIC.

ALL RIGHT.
HELLO. TELEPSYCHIC.
IS THIS RAY?

HELLO. TELEPSYCHIC.
IS THIS RAY?
YEAH, THIS IS RAY.

IS THIS RAY?
YEAH, THIS IS RAY.
YOU'RE ON. GO AHEAD.

YEAH, THIS IS RAY.
YOU'RE ON. GO AHEAD.
OKAY, ABOUT A YEAR AGO, I

YOU'RE ON. GO AHEAD.
OKAY, ABOUT A YEAR AGO, I
GAVE A CONSTRUCTION COMPANY

OKAY, ABOUT A YEAR AGO, I
GAVE A CONSTRUCTION COMPANY
12,000 BUCKS DOWN PAYMENT TO

GAVE A CONSTRUCTION COMPANY
12,000 BUCKS DOWN PAYMENT TO
BUILD MY HOUSE.

12,000 BUCKS DOWN PAYMENT TO
BUILD MY HOUSE.
YEAH.

BUILD MY HOUSE.
YEAH.
AND, UH, THEY PUT IN A

YEAH.
AND, UH, THEY PUT IN A
BASEMENT, AND I GAVE THEM

AND, UH, THEY PUT IN A
BASEMENT, AND I GAVE THEM
ANOTHER 12,000 BUCKS.

BASEMENT, AND I GAVE THEM
ANOTHER 12,000 BUCKS.
YEAH.

ANOTHER 12,000 BUCKS.
YEAH.
AND THEY STOPPED CONSTRUCTION

YEAH.
AND THEY STOPPED CONSTRUCTION
LAST SEPTEMBER, AND THEY WON'T

AND THEY STOPPED CONSTRUCTION
LAST SEPTEMBER, AND THEY WON'T
ANSWER MY PHONE CALLS.

LAST SEPTEMBER, AND THEY WON'T
ANSWER MY PHONE CALLS.
UH-HUH.

ANSWER MY PHONE CALLS.
UH-HUH.
NOW, A FRIEND OF MINE TELLS

UH-HUH.
NOW, A FRIEND OF MINE TELLS
ME THEY'RE GOING BANKRUPT.

NOW, A FRIEND OF MINE TELLS
ME THEY'RE GOING BANKRUPT.
YEAH.

ME THEY'RE GOING BANKRUPT.
YEAH.
OKAY, WHEN'S YOUR BIRTHDAY?

YEAH.
OKAY, WHEN'S YOUR BIRTHDAY?
MAY... MAY 25th.

OKAY, WHEN'S YOUR BIRTHDAY?
MAY... MAY 25th.
WELL, YOU HAVE THIS PROBLEM

MAY... MAY 25th.
WELL, YOU HAVE THIS PROBLEM
'CAUSE THIS IS A BAD TIME FOR

WELL, YOU HAVE THIS PROBLEM
'CAUSE THIS IS A BAD TIME FOR
YOU TO DO BUSINESS.

'CAUSE THIS IS A BAD TIME FOR
YOU TO DO BUSINESS.
SO, UH, AM I GONNA GET MY

YOU TO DO BUSINESS.
SO, UH, AM I GONNA GET MY
MONEY BACK?

SO, UH, AM I GONNA GET MY
MONEY BACK?
DEFINITELY NOT. NO. OKAY?

MONEY BACK?
DEFINITELY NOT. NO. OKAY?
OKAY.

DEFINITELY NOT. NO. OKAY?
OKAY.
ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU.

OKAY.
ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU.
HELLO. TELEPSYCHIC. GO AHEAD.

ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU.
HELLO. TELEPSYCHIC. GO AHEAD.
YEAH, MY BROTHER LEFT HOME

HELLO. TELEPSYCHIC. GO AHEAD.
YEAH, MY BROTHER LEFT HOME
AND DISAPPEARED ABOUT 10 YEARS

YEAH, MY BROTHER LEFT HOME
AND DISAPPEARED ABOUT 10 YEARS
AGO, AND WE HAVEN'T HEARD FROM

AND DISAPPEARED ABOUT 10 YEARS
AGO, AND WE HAVEN'T HEARD FROM
HIM, AND I WAS WONDERING IF YOU

AGO, AND WE HAVEN'T HEARD FROM
HIM, AND I WAS WONDERING IF YOU
KNEW WHERE HE IS.

HIM, AND I WAS WONDERING IF YOU
KNEW WHERE HE IS.
UH, YES.

KNEW WHERE HE IS.
UH, YES.
HE WAS, UH, HIT IN THE HEAD WITH

UH, YES.
HE WAS, UH, HIT IN THE HEAD WITH
A ROCK AND, UH, EATEN BY LARGE

HE WAS, UH, HIT IN THE HEAD WITH
A ROCK AND, UH, EATEN BY LARGE
CATS.

A ROCK AND, UH, EATEN BY LARGE
CATS.
AND, UH, HE WAS ALONE IN

CATS.
AND, UH, HE WAS ALONE IN
COLORADO, OKAY?

AND, UH, HE WAS ALONE IN
COLORADO, OKAY?
OKAY, THANK YOU.

COLORADO, OKAY?
OKAY, THANK YOU.
OKAY.

OKAY, THANK YOU.
OKAY.
TELEPSYCHIC. YOU'RE ON.

OKAY.
TELEPSYCHIC. YOU'RE ON.
GO AHEAD.

TELEPSYCHIC. YOU'RE ON.
GO AHEAD.
YEAH, LIKE, MAN, YOU KNOW, MY

GO AHEAD.
YEAH, LIKE, MAN, YOU KNOW, MY
FAVORITE TV SHOW IS

YEAH, LIKE, MAN, YOU KNOW, MY
FAVORITE TV SHOW IS
"SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE," YOU KNOW?

FAVORITE TV SHOW IS
"SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE," YOU KNOW?
YEAH.

"SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE," YOU KNOW?
YEAH.
AND I WAS WONDERING IF

YEAH.
AND I WAS WONDERING IF
THEY'RE GOING TO CHANGE THE WAY

AND I WAS WONDERING IF
THEY'RE GOING TO CHANGE THE WAY
THEY START THE SHOW.

THEY'RE GOING TO CHANGE THE WAY
THEY START THE SHOW.
NO, NO, IT'S ALWAYS GONNA BE,

THEY START THE SHOW.
NO, NO, IT'S ALWAYS GONNA BE,
"LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S

NO, NO, IT'S ALWAYS GONNA BE,
"LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
'SATURDAY NIGHT.'"

"LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
'SATURDAY NIGHT.'"
[BAND PLAYS]

Announcer: IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE."

WITH MAUREEN STAPLETON.

STARRING DAN AYKROYD...
JOHN BELUSHI...
JANE CURTIN...

JOHN BELUSHI...
JANE CURTIN...
GARRETT MORRIS...

JANE CURTIN...
GARRETT MORRIS...
BILL MURRAY...

GARRETT MORRIS...
BILL MURRAY...
LARAINE NEWMAN...

BILL MURRAY...
LARAINE NEWMAN...
AND GILDA RADNER.

WITH MUSICAL GUESTS
LINDA RONSTADT AND PHOEBE SNOW.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

LINDA RONSTADT AND PHOEBE SNOW.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
MAUREEN STAPLETON!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
MAUREEN STAPLETON!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today

THANK YOU, ALL.
THANK YOU, ALL, VERY, VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU, AND WELCOME TO

THANK YOU, ALL, VERY, VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU, AND WELCOME TO
"SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE."

THANK YOU, AND WELCOME TO
"SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE."
I'VE HAD A GREAT WEEK, A

"SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE."
I'VE HAD A GREAT WEEK, A
WONDERFUL TIME.

I'VE HAD A GREAT WEEK, A
WONDERFUL TIME.
IT'S A GREAT COMPANY AND A

WONDERFUL TIME.
IT'S A GREAT COMPANY AND A
WONDERFUL CREW, AND THEY'VE BEEN

IT'S A GREAT COMPANY AND A
WONDERFUL CREW, AND THEY'VE BEEN
SO NICE TO ME.

WONDERFUL CREW, AND THEY'VE BEEN
SO NICE TO ME.
AND IT'S... IT'S... FOR AN

SO NICE TO ME.
AND IT'S... IT'S... FOR AN
ELDERLY PERSON LIKE ME, TO BE

AND IT'S... IT'S... FOR AN
ELDERLY PERSON LIKE ME, TO BE
WITH SUCH YOUNG BLOOD IS

ELDERLY PERSON LIKE ME, TO BE
WITH SUCH YOUNG BLOOD IS
TERRIFIC.

WITH SUCH YOUNG BLOOD IS
TERRIFIC.
AND TO HAVE LINDA RONSTADT AND

TERRIFIC.
AND TO HAVE LINDA RONSTADT AND
PHOEBE SNOW ON THIS SHOW IS JUST

AND TO HAVE LINDA RONSTADT AND
PHOEBE SNOW ON THIS SHOW IS JUST
GREAT.

PHOEBE SNOW ON THIS SHOW IS JUST
GREAT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

GREAT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
EVERYTHING...

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
EVERYTHING...
IT REALLY... EVERYTHING HAS BEEN

EVERYTHING...
IT REALLY... EVERYTHING HAS BEEN
PERFECT, EXCEPT I MADE ONE...

IT REALLY... EVERYTHING HAS BEEN
PERFECT, EXCEPT I MADE ONE...
DUMB ERROR.

PERFECT, EXCEPT I MADE ONE...
DUMB ERROR.
I-I DIDN'T REALIZE WHEN THE SHOW

DUMB ERROR.
I-I DIDN'T REALIZE WHEN THE SHOW
WAS LIVE THAT THAT MEANT THAT

I-I DIDN'T REALIZE WHEN THE SHOW
WAS LIVE THAT THAT MEANT THAT
PEOPLE WOULD GET TICKETS AND

WAS LIVE THAT THAT MEANT THAT
PEOPLE WOULD GET TICKETS AND
COME AND SEE THE SHOW.

PEOPLE WOULD GET TICKETS AND
COME AND SEE THE SHOW.
SO I DIDN'T ALSO KNOW THAT I

COME AND SEE THE SHOW.
SO I DIDN'T ALSO KNOW THAT I
ONLY GOT 10 TICKETS.

SO I DIDN'T ALSO KNOW THAT I
ONLY GOT 10 TICKETS.
SO THE FIRST PEOPLE THAT CALLED,

ONLY GOT 10 TICKETS.
SO THE FIRST PEOPLE THAT CALLED,
THEY SAID, "TWO?"

SO THE FIRST PEOPLE THAT CALLED,
THEY SAID, "TWO?"
I SAID, "SURE.

THEY SAID, "TWO?"
I SAID, "SURE.
AND THEY SAID, "MAYBE THREE?"

I SAID, "SURE.
AND THEY SAID, "MAYBE THREE?"
I SAID, "WELL, I DON'T KNOW."

AND THEY SAID, "MAYBE THREE?"
I SAID, "WELL, I DON'T KNOW."
THEN THE NEXT, "FOUR?"

I SAID, "WELL, I DON'T KNOW."
THEN THE NEXT, "FOUR?"
"FINE."

THEN THE NEXT, "FOUR?"
"FINE."
ANOTHER ONE TWO, AND THEN

"FINE."
ANOTHER ONE TWO, AND THEN
ANOTHER ONE TWO.

ANOTHER ONE TWO, AND THEN
ANOTHER ONE TWO.
AND THEN I REALIZED I DIDN'T

ANOTHER ONE TWO.
AND THEN I REALIZED I DIDN'T
HAVE ANY MORE TICKETS.

AND THEN I REALIZED I DIDN'T
HAVE ANY MORE TICKETS.
I THOUGHT I COULD GET MORE, AND

HAVE ANY MORE TICKETS.
I THOUGHT I COULD GET MORE, AND
THEY SAID, "NO."

I THOUGHT I COULD GET MORE, AND
THEY SAID, "NO."
SO THAT MEANS THAT MY VERY CLOSE

THEY SAID, "NO."
SO THAT MEANS THAT MY VERY CLOSE
FRIENDS ARE WATCHING AT HOME,

SO THAT MEANS THAT MY VERY CLOSE
FRIENDS ARE WATCHING AT HOME,
AND MY CHILDREN ARE WATCHING ON

FRIENDS ARE WATCHING AT HOME,
AND MY CHILDREN ARE WATCHING ON
A SET IN THE DRESSING ROOM.

AND MY CHILDREN ARE WATCHING ON
A SET IN THE DRESSING ROOM.
AND I'M SORRY, BUT I HOPE YOU

A SET IN THE DRESSING ROOM.
AND I'M SORRY, BUT I HOPE YOU
ENJOY THE SHOW ANYWAY, AND

AND I'M SORRY, BUT I HOPE YOU
ENJOY THE SHOW ANYWAY, AND
PLEASE WAIT.

ENJOY THE SHOW ANYWAY, AND
PLEASE WAIT.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

PLEASE WAIT.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Announcer: THE NAVY.

SEE YOUR LOCAL RECRUITER OR CALL

TOLL FREE.

HI, HONEY.
OH, HI. OH.
GLAD YOU STOPPED AT THE STORE.

OH, HI. OH.
GLAD YOU STOPPED AT THE STORE.
WE GOT NOTHING IN THE FRIDGE.

GLAD YOU STOPPED AT THE STORE.
WE GOT NOTHING IN THE FRIDGE.
I KNOW.

WE GOT NOTHING IN THE FRIDGE.
I KNOW.
YOUR HOUSEGUEST CLEANED US OUT.

I KNOW.
YOUR HOUSEGUEST CLEANED US OUT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, MY

YOUR HOUSEGUEST CLEANED US OUT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, MY
HOUSEGUEST?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, MY
HOUSEGUEST?
YOU KNOW HIM AS WELL AS I DO.

HOUSEGUEST?
YOU KNOW HIM AS WELL AS I DO.
OH!

YOU KNOW HIM AS WELL AS I DO.
OH!
UGH, DID YOU SEE THE MESS HE

OH!
UGH, DID YOU SEE THE MESS HE
LEFT US IN THE KITCHEN?

UGH, DID YOU SEE THE MESS HE
LEFT US IN THE KITCHEN?
I KNOW.

LEFT US IN THE KITCHEN?
I KNOW.
HE WALKED OUT TODAY.

I KNOW.
HE WALKED OUT TODAY.
HE DIDN'T LOCK THE DOOR, EITHER.

HE WALKED OUT TODAY.
HE DIDN'T LOCK THE DOOR, EITHER.
OH, MAN, I MEAN, THAT'S IT.

HE DIDN'T LOCK THE DOOR, EITHER.
OH, MAN, I MEAN, THAT'S IT.
I-I LIVE HERE, TOO.

OH, MAN, I MEAN, THAT'S IT.
I-I LIVE HERE, TOO.
THIS IS HALF MY APARTMENT.

I-I LIVE HERE, TOO.
THIS IS HALF MY APARTMENT.
HE'S GOT TO GO.

THIS IS HALF MY APARTMENT.
HE'S GOT TO GO.
I KNOW.

HE'S GOT TO GO.
I KNOW.
I'M TELLING HIM TONIGHT.

I KNOW.
I'M TELLING HIM TONIGHT.
FORGET IT.

I'M TELLING HIM TONIGHT.
FORGET IT.
WELL, YOU BETTER, 'CAUSE IF

FORGET IT.
WELL, YOU BETTER, 'CAUSE IF
YOU DON'T, I WILL.

WELL, YOU BETTER, 'CAUSE IF
YOU DON'T, I WILL.
[EXHALES SHARPLY]

YOU DON'T, I WILL.
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
[DOORKNOB TURNS]

[Ugandan accent] H-HELLO,
DOUG, CATHERINE.
I WENT TO THE STORE, YOU KNOW.

DOUG, CATHERINE.
I WENT TO THE STORE, YOU KNOW.
I GOT SOME CHEESE. WE WERE OUT.

I WENT TO THE STORE, YOU KNOW.
I GOT SOME CHEESE. WE WERE OUT.
YOU WANT SOME?

I GOT SOME CHEESE. WE WERE OUT.
YOU WANT SOME?
NO. NO, THANKS, IDI.

YOU WANT SOME?
NO. NO, THANKS, IDI.
SO, IDI...

NO. NO, THANKS, IDI.
SO, IDI...
HOW WAS YOUR DAY?

SO, IDI...
HOW WAS YOUR DAY?
HOW WAS YOUR DAY?

HOW WAS YOUR DAY?
HOW WAS YOUR DAY?
FINE.

HOW WAS YOUR DAY?
FINE.
HOW DID YOUR DAY GO TODAY, HUH?

FINE.
HOW DID YOUR DAY GO TODAY, HUH?
OH, TERRIBLE.

HOW DID YOUR DAY GO TODAY, HUH?
OH, TERRIBLE.
I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TODAY.

OH, TERRIBLE.
I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TODAY.
I'M SO MAD AT MYSELF, YOU KNOW?

I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TODAY.
I'M SO MAD AT MYSELF, YOU KNOW?
I'VE BEEN HERE A MONTH NOW, AND

I'M SO MAD AT MYSELF, YOU KNOW?
I'VE BEEN HERE A MONTH NOW, AND
I'LL I'VE BEEN DOING IS LOOKING

I'VE BEEN HERE A MONTH NOW, AND
I'LL I'VE BEEN DOING IS LOOKING
AT TV.

I'LL I'VE BEEN DOING IS LOOKING
AT TV.
MM-HMM.

AT TV.
MM-HMM.
TODAY WAS GONNA BE THE BIG

MM-HMM.
TODAY WAS GONNA BE THE BIG
DAY, YOU KNOW?

TODAY WAS GONNA BE THE BIG
DAY, YOU KNOW?
FINALLY... TODAY I WAS GONNA

DAY, YOU KNOW?
FINALLY... TODAY I WAS GONNA
FINALLY GET STARTED.

FINALLY... TODAY I WAS GONNA
FINALLY GET STARTED.
THEN I WOKE UP AT 4:00.

FINALLY GET STARTED.
THEN I WOKE UP AT 4:00.
I'M REALLY MAD AT MYSELF, MAN.

THEN I WOKE UP AT 4:00.
I'M REALLY MAD AT MYSELF, MAN.
HOW WAS YOUR DAY?

I'M REALLY MAD AT MYSELF, MAN.
HOW WAS YOUR DAY?
IDI, WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT

HOW WAS YOUR DAY?
IDI, WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT
SOMETHING, AND THAT IS YOUR

IDI, WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT
SOMETHING, AND THAT IS YOUR
STAYING HERE IN OUR APARTMENT.

SOMETHING, AND THAT IS YOUR
STAYING HERE IN OUR APARTMENT.
NOW, ABOUT A MONTH AGO, YOU

STAYING HERE IN OUR APARTMENT.
NOW, ABOUT A MONTH AGO, YOU
SHOWED UP AT MY DOORSTEP.

NOW, ABOUT A MONTH AGO, YOU
SHOWED UP AT MY DOORSTEP.
YOU'D BEEN OVERTHROWN.

SHOWED UP AT MY DOORSTEP.
YOU'D BEEN OVERTHROWN.
YOU NEEDED A PLACE TO STAY.

YOU'D BEEN OVERTHROWN.
YOU NEEDED A PLACE TO STAY.
THAT'S COOL.

YOU NEEDED A PLACE TO STAY.
THAT'S COOL.
I WAS GLAD TO DO IT.

THAT'S COOL.
I WAS GLAD TO DO IT.
BUT THAT WAS A MONTH AGO, AND,

I WAS GLAD TO DO IT.
BUT THAT WAS A MONTH AGO, AND,
YOU KNOW, YOU REALLY SHOULD BE

BUT THAT WAS A MONTH AGO, AND,
YOU KNOW, YOU REALLY SHOULD BE
MOVING ON ABOUT NOW.

YOU KNOW, YOU REALLY SHOULD BE
MOVING ON ABOUT NOW.
DON'T YOU THINK?

MOVING ON ABOUT NOW.
DON'T YOU THINK?
OH, I-I DIDN'T REALIZE DOUG.

DON'T YOU THINK?
OH, I-I DIDN'T REALIZE DOUG.
HAVE I BEEN GETTING ON YOUR

OH, I-I DIDN'T REALIZE DOUG.
HAVE I BEEN GETTING ON YOUR
NERVES?

HAVE I BEEN GETTING ON YOUR
NERVES?
IT'S NOT THAT.

NERVES?
IT'S NOT THAT.
IT'S JUST THAT, YOU KNOW, IT'S A

IT'S NOT THAT.
IT'S JUST THAT, YOU KNOW, IT'S A
SMALL PLACE.

IT'S JUST THAT, YOU KNOW, IT'S A
SMALL PLACE.
WE NEED THE SPACE.

SMALL PLACE.
WE NEED THE SPACE.
OH, YEAH, I...

WE NEED THE SPACE.
OH, YEAH, I...
WELL, I WISH YOU HAD SAID

OH, YEAH, I...
WELL, I WISH YOU HAD SAID
SOMETHING SOONER, YOU KNOW?

WELL, I WISH YOU HAD SAID
SOMETHING SOONER, YOU KNOW?
HAVE YOU FELT THIS WAY FOR A

SOMETHING SOONER, YOU KNOW?
HAVE YOU FELT THIS WAY FOR A
WHILE?

HAVE YOU FELT THIS WAY FOR A
WHILE?
WELL, IT REALLY STARTED A

WHILE?
WELL, IT REALLY STARTED A
COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO.

WELL, IT REALLY STARTED A
COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO.
THERE WAS THIS THING WHERE

COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO.
THERE WAS THIS THING WHERE
CATHERINE CAME HOME AND CAME

THERE WAS THIS THING WHERE
CATHERINE CAME HOME AND CAME
INTO THE KITCHEN, AND SOMEONE

CATHERINE CAME HOME AND CAME
INTO THE KITCHEN, AND SOMEONE
HAD SLAUGHTERED AN ANTELOPE IN

INTO THE KITCHEN, AND SOMEONE
HAD SLAUGHTERED AN ANTELOPE IN
THERE.

HAD SLAUGHTERED AN ANTELOPE IN
THERE.
I MEAN, THERE WAS THE HOOVES AND

THERE.
I MEAN, THERE WAS THE HOOVES AND
THE HIDES AND THE HEAD JUST

I MEAN, THERE WAS THE HOOVES AND
THE HIDES AND THE HEAD JUST
SITTING OUT ON THE COUNTER, AND

THE HIDES AND THE HEAD JUST
SITTING OUT ON THE COUNTER, AND
I TOLD CATHERINE NOT TO SAY

SITTING OUT ON THE COUNTER, AND
I TOLD CATHERINE NOT TO SAY
ANYTHING OR DO ANYTHING, THAT

I TOLD CATHERINE NOT TO SAY
ANYTHING OR DO ANYTHING, THAT
YOU'D CLEAN IT UP.

ANYTHING OR DO ANYTHING, THAT
YOU'D CLEAN IT UP.
WELL, WE WAITED UNTIL THE NEXT

YOU'D CLEAN IT UP.
WELL, WE WAITED UNTIL THE NEXT
AFTERNOON, AND THEN WE FINALLY

WELL, WE WAITED UNTIL THE NEXT
AFTERNOON, AND THEN WE FINALLY
HAD TO DO IT.

AFTERNOON, AND THEN WE FINALLY
HAD TO DO IT.
THEN I ASKED YOU IF YOU HAD USED

HAD TO DO IT.
THEN I ASKED YOU IF YOU HAD USED
THE KITCHEN, AND YOU SAID, "NO."

THEN I ASKED YOU IF YOU HAD USED
THE KITCHEN, AND YOU SAID, "NO."
I MEAN, COME ON, IDI!

THE KITCHEN, AND YOU SAID, "NO."
I MEAN, COME ON, IDI!
NEITHER OF US EAT ANTELOPE.

I MEAN, COME ON, IDI!
NEITHER OF US EAT ANTELOPE.
LOOK, I'M SORRY, DOUG.

NEITHER OF US EAT ANTELOPE.
LOOK, I'M SORRY, DOUG.
I PLAN TO START HELPING OUT

LOOK, I'M SORRY, DOUG.
I PLAN TO START HELPING OUT
MORE.

I PLAN TO START HELPING OUT
MORE.
I-I-I...

MORE.
I-I-I...
[TELEPHONE RINGS]

I-I-I...
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU ALWAYS...

[TELEPHONE RINGS]
WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU ALWAYS...
I'LL GET IT.

WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU ALWAYS...
I'LL GET IT.
THANK YOU.

I'LL GET IT.
THANK YOU.
YOU ALWAYS SAY YOU'RE GONNA HELP

THANK YOU.
YOU ALWAYS SAY YOU'RE GONNA HELP
OUT MORE.

YOU ALWAYS SAY YOU'RE GONNA HELP
OUT MORE.
THIS IS FOR REAL.

OUT MORE.
THIS IS FOR REAL.
HELLO.

THIS IS FOR REAL.
HELLO.
YOU WANT TO TALK TO IDI AMIN?

HELLO.
YOU WANT TO TALK TO IDI AMIN?
WELL, THERE'S, UH...

YOU WANT TO TALK TO IDI AMIN?
WELL, THERE'S, UH...
THERE'S NO ONE HERE BY THAT

WELL, THERE'S, UH...
THERE'S NO ONE HERE BY THAT
NAME.

THERE'S NO ONE HERE BY THAT
NAME.
NO, WHY WOULD THE DEPOSED

NAME.
NO, WHY WOULD THE DEPOSED
PRESIDENT OF UGANDA BE STAYING

NO, WHY WOULD THE DEPOSED
PRESIDENT OF UGANDA BE STAYING
IN OUR APARTMENT?

PRESIDENT OF UGANDA BE STAYING
IN OUR APARTMENT?
NO, THAT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT.

IN OUR APARTMENT?
NO, THAT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT.
YES.

NO, THAT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT.
YES.
OKAY, GOODBYE.

YES.
OKAY, GOODBYE.
I HATE HAVING TO LIE TO PEOPLE

OKAY, GOODBYE.
I HATE HAVING TO LIE TO PEOPLE
ON THE PHONE!

I HATE HAVING TO LIE TO PEOPLE
ON THE PHONE!
IT DRIVES ME CRAZY!

ON THE PHONE!
IT DRIVES ME CRAZY!
YOU KNOW, IT'S STARTING TO

IT DRIVES ME CRAZY!
YOU KNOW, IT'S STARTING TO
FEEL LIKE IT'S NOT EVEN OUR

YOU KNOW, IT'S STARTING TO
FEEL LIKE IT'S NOT EVEN OUR
APARTMENT ANYMORE.

FEEL LIKE IT'S NOT EVEN OUR
APARTMENT ANYMORE.
I MEAN, I COME HOME FROM WORK

APARTMENT ANYMORE.
I MEAN, I COME HOME FROM WORK
LATE AT NIGHT.

I MEAN, I COME HOME FROM WORK
LATE AT NIGHT.
I'D LIKE TO USE THE BATHROOM,

LATE AT NIGHT.
I'D LIKE TO USE THE BATHROOM,
BUT YOU'RE IN THERE

I'D LIKE TO USE THE BATHROOM,
BUT YOU'RE IN THERE
INTERROGATING SOMEBODY.

BUT YOU'RE IN THERE
INTERROGATING SOMEBODY.
YEAH, I MEAN, THOSE GUYS LAST

INTERROGATING SOMEBODY.
YEAH, I MEAN, THOSE GUYS LAST
NIGHT... THOSE TWO GUYS KEPT ME

YEAH, I MEAN, THOSE GUYS LAST
NIGHT... THOSE TWO GUYS KEPT ME
UP TILL 3:30 WITH THEIR

NIGHT... THOSE TWO GUYS KEPT ME
UP TILL 3:30 WITH THEIR
SCREAMING.

UP TILL 3:30 WITH THEIR
SCREAMING.
OH, I'M... I'M SORRY.

SCREAMING.
OH, I'M... I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY, BUT THEY WOULDN'T

OH, I'M... I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY, BUT THEY WOULDN'T
TALK!

I'M SORRY, BUT THEY WOULDN'T
TALK!
THEY WOULDN'T TALK!

TALK!
THEY WOULDN'T TALK!
THEY WOULDN'T TALK.

THEY WOULDN'T TALK!
THEY WOULDN'T TALK.
WELL, DID IT EVER OCCUR TO

THEY WOULDN'T TALK.
WELL, DID IT EVER OCCUR TO
YOU THAT MAYBE THEY DIDN'T KNOW

WELL, DID IT EVER OCCUR TO
YOU THAT MAYBE THEY DIDN'T KNOW
ANYTHING?

YOU THAT MAYBE THEY DIDN'T KNOW
ANYTHING?
CATHERINE, I DIDN'T REALIZE

ANYTHING?
CATHERINE, I DIDN'T REALIZE
WE WERE BEING, YOU KNOW, THAT...

CATHERINE, I DIDN'T REALIZE
WE WERE BEING, YOU KNOW, THAT...
THAT LOUD.

WE WERE BEING, YOU KNOW, THAT...
THAT LOUD.
BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T THINK!

THAT LOUD.
BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T THINK!
OKAY, THIS AFTERNOON I CAME

BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T THINK!
OKAY, THIS AFTERNOON I CAME
HOME.

OKAY, THIS AFTERNOON I CAME
HOME.
I WALKED INTO THE HALL CLOSET,

HOME.
I WALKED INTO THE HALL CLOSET,
AND I FOUND THESE GUYS.

I WALKED INTO THE HALL CLOSET,
AND I FOUND THESE GUYS.
WHO ARE THEY?!

AND I FOUND THESE GUYS.
WHO ARE THEY?!
THEY'RE... THEY'RE POLITICAL

WHO ARE THEY?!
THEY'RE... THEY'RE POLITICAL
OPPONENTS, DOUG.

THEY'RE... THEY'RE POLITICAL
OPPONENTS, DOUG.
WELL, WHAT IS THE STORY?!

OPPONENTS, DOUG.
WELL, WHAT IS THE STORY?!
ARE THEY UNCONSCIOUS OR DEAD?!

WELL, WHAT IS THE STORY?!
ARE THEY UNCONSCIOUS OR DEAD?!
IF THEY'RE UNCONSCIOUS, I WANT

ARE THEY UNCONSCIOUS OR DEAD?!
IF THEY'RE UNCONSCIOUS, I WANT
YOU TO WAKE THEM UP AND SEND

IF THEY'RE UNCONSCIOUS, I WANT
YOU TO WAKE THEM UP AND SEND
THEM HOME, AND IF THEY'RE DEAD,

YOU TO WAKE THEM UP AND SEND
THEM HOME, AND IF THEY'RE DEAD,
I WANT THEM OUT OF HERE!

THEM HOME, AND IF THEY'RE DEAD,
I WANT THEM OUT OF HERE!
DOUG, I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT!

I WANT THEM OUT OF HERE!
DOUG, I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT!
I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT!

DOUG, I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT!
I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT!
I... OH, OH, OH.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT!
I... OH, OH, OH.
WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT.

I... OH, OH, OH.
WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT.
CATHERINE, CATHERINE, YES!

WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT.
CATHERINE, CATHERINE, YES!
UH, I'M SORRY.

CATHERINE, CATHERINE, YES!
UH, I'M SORRY.
Y-Y-YOUR AUNT CALLED TWO DAYS

UH, I'M SORRY.
Y-Y-YOUR AUNT CALLED TWO DAYS
AGO.

Y-Y-YOUR AUNT CALLED TWO DAYS
AGO.
I-I-I MEANT TO TELL YOU.

AGO.
I-I-I MEANT TO TELL YOU.
I FORGOT.

I-I-I MEANT TO TELL YOU.
I FORGOT.
YOU SEE?

I FORGOT.
YOU SEE?
YOU DON'T EVEN WRITE DOWN PHONE

YOU SEE?
YOU DON'T EVEN WRITE DOWN PHONE
MESSAGES.

YOU DON'T EVEN WRITE DOWN PHONE
MESSAGES.
LOOK, THERE'S A PAD.

MESSAGES.
LOOK, THERE'S A PAD.
RIGHT BY THE PHONE, YEAH.

LOOK, THERE'S A PAD.
RIGHT BY THE PHONE, YEAH.
WHICH REMINDS ME ABOUT THIS BILL

RIGHT BY THE PHONE, YEAH.
WHICH REMINDS ME ABOUT THIS BILL
THAT CAME LAST WEEK.

WHICH REMINDS ME ABOUT THIS BILL
THAT CAME LAST WEEK.
"KAMPALA, $19.00.

THAT CAME LAST WEEK.
"KAMPALA, $19.00.
KAMPALA, $18.50.

"KAMPALA, $19.00.
KAMPALA, $18.50.
KAMPALA, $71."

KAMPALA, $18.50.
KAMPALA, $71."
OKAY, PHILADELPHIA WAS MINE, BUT

KAMPALA, $71."
OKAY, PHILADELPHIA WAS MINE, BUT
ALMOST ALL THE REST OF THEM HERE

OKAY, PHILADELPHIA WAS MINE, BUT
ALMOST ALL THE REST OF THEM HERE
ARE YOURS.

ALMOST ALL THE REST OF THEM HERE
ARE YOURS.
THE SUDAN!

ARE YOURS.
THE SUDAN!
WHO HERE IS CALLING THE SUDAN?!

THE SUDAN!
WHO HERE IS CALLING THE SUDAN?!
LOOK, DOUG, I'VE BEEN RAISING

WHO HERE IS CALLING THE SUDAN?!
LOOK, DOUG, I'VE BEEN RAISING
AN ARMY!

LOOK, DOUG, I'VE BEEN RAISING
AN ARMY!
I'M MOUNTING A COUP RIGHT NOW,

AN ARMY!
I'M MOUNTING A COUP RIGHT NOW,
AND AS SOON AS I RETURN TO

I'M MOUNTING A COUP RIGHT NOW,
AND AS SOON AS I RETURN TO
POWER, I WILL PAY THE PHONE

AND AS SOON AS I RETURN TO
POWER, I WILL PAY THE PHONE
BILL.

POWER, I WILL PAY THE PHONE
BILL.
I-I JUST NEED A LITTLE TIME TO

BILL.
I-I JUST NEED A LITTLE TIME TO
RALLY MY ARMY.

I-I JUST NEED A LITTLE TIME TO
RALLY MY ARMY.
WELL, IF YOU'RE GONNA BE

RALLY MY ARMY.
WELL, IF YOU'RE GONNA BE
RALLYING YOUR ARMY, I SUGGEST

WELL, IF YOU'RE GONNA BE
RALLYING YOUR ARMY, I SUGGEST
YOU GET YOURSELF A NICE LOFT

RALLYING YOUR ARMY, I SUGGEST
YOU GET YOURSELF A NICE LOFT
DOWNTOWN AND RALLY THEM THERE.

YOU GET YOURSELF A NICE LOFT
DOWNTOWN AND RALLY THEM THERE.
I MEAN, I NEED THIS PLACE TO

DOWNTOWN AND RALLY THEM THERE.
I MEAN, I NEED THIS PLACE TO
WORK.

I MEAN, I NEED THIS PLACE TO
WORK.
IDI, LISTEN.

WORK.
IDI, LISTEN.
HAVE YOU DONE ANYTHING AT ALL

IDI, LISTEN.
HAVE YOU DONE ANYTHING AT ALL
ABOUT FINDING A SUBLET?

HAVE YOU DONE ANYTHING AT ALL
ABOUT FINDING A SUBLET?
CATHERINE, I DON'T KNOW,

ABOUT FINDING A SUBLET?
CATHERINE, I DON'T KNOW,
REALLY, HOW TO START.

CATHERINE, I DON'T KNOW,
REALLY, HOW TO START.
I TOLD YOU... THE

REALLY, HOW TO START.
I TOLD YOU... THE
VILLAGE VOICE, IDI.

I TOLD YOU... THE
VILLAGE VOICE, IDI.
ALL THE LISTINGS ARE IN THE

VILLAGE VOICE, IDI.
ALL THE LISTINGS ARE IN THE
VILLAGE VOICE.

ALL THE LISTINGS ARE IN THE
VILLAGE VOICE.
YOU GET THE LISTINGS.

VILLAGE VOICE.
YOU GET THE LISTINGS.
WE'LL HELP YOU FIND AN

YOU GET THE LISTINGS.
WE'LL HELP YOU FIND AN
APARTMENT.

WE'LL HELP YOU FIND AN
APARTMENT.
IN THE MEANTIME, I THINK IT

APARTMENT.
IN THE MEANTIME, I THINK IT
WOULD BE A VERY MATURE THING FOR

IN THE MEANTIME, I THINK IT
WOULD BE A VERY MATURE THING FOR
YOU TO GO AND GET YOURSELF A

WOULD BE A VERY MATURE THING FOR
YOU TO GO AND GET YOURSELF A
FURNISHED ROOM BY THE WEEK.

YOU TO GO AND GET YOURSELF A
FURNISHED ROOM BY THE WEEK.
OKAY, DOUG.

FURNISHED ROOM BY THE WEEK.
OKAY, DOUG.
DO YOU KNOW OF ANY PLACES

OKAY, DOUG.
DO YOU KNOW OF ANY PLACES
WHERE...

DO YOU KNOW OF ANY PLACES
WHERE...
OH, LOOK, THERE'S THE

WHERE...
OH, LOOK, THERE'S THE
COLLINGWOOD.

OH, LOOK, THERE'S THE
COLLINGWOOD.
THERE'S THE SEVILLE.

COLLINGWOOD.
THERE'S THE SEVILLE.
THE SEVILLE.

THERE'S THE SEVILLE.
THE SEVILLE.
UM... WHAT ABOUT THE

THE SEVILLE.
UM... WHAT ABOUT THE
ESSEX HOUSE?

UM... WHAT ABOUT THE
ESSEX HOUSE?
OH, THE ESSEX HOUSE.

ESSEX HOUSE?
OH, THE ESSEX HOUSE.
COULD I COOK IN THE ROOM?

OH, THE ESSEX HOUSE.
COULD I COOK IN THE ROOM?
YOU KNOW, I MIGHT GET RECOGNIZED

COULD I COOK IN THE ROOM?
YOU KNOW, I MIGHT GET RECOGNIZED
IN RESTAURANTS, YOU KNOW.

YOU KNOW, I MIGHT GET RECOGNIZED
IN RESTAURANTS, YOU KNOW.
WELL, YOU CAN HAVE ROOM

IN RESTAURANTS, YOU KNOW.
WELL, YOU CAN HAVE ROOM
SERVICE.

WELL, YOU CAN HAVE ROOM
SERVICE.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, ONE OF

SERVICE.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, ONE OF
NEW YORK'S GREAT DINING

AS A MATTER OF FACT, ONE OF
NEW YORK'S GREAT DINING
EXPERIENCES IS ROOM SERVICE AT

NEW YORK'S GREAT DINING
EXPERIENCES IS ROOM SERVICE AT
MARRIOTT'S ESSEX HOUSE,

EXPERIENCES IS ROOM SERVICE AT
MARRIOTT'S ESSEX HOUSE,
OVERLOOKING CENTRAL PARK.

REALLY? TELL ME MORE.

Announcer: ONE OF NEW YORK'S

GREAT DINING EXPERIENCES IS ROOM

SERVICE AT MARRIOTT'S

ESSEX HOUSE, OVERLOOKING

CENTRAL PARK.

FOR RESERVATIONS, CALL TOLL

FREE.

HOTEL ACCOMMODATIONS FURNISHED

IN EXCHANGE FOR THIS

ANNOUNCEMENT.

SAY, THANKS A LOT.
THAT SOUNDS GREAT!
MM-HMM.

THAT SOUNDS GREAT!
MM-HMM.
OKAY, IDI.

MM-HMM.
OKAY, IDI.
I THINK YOU'LL FEEL BETTER

OKAY, IDI.
I THINK YOU'LL FEEL BETTER
HAVING YOUR OWN PLACE.

I THINK YOU'LL FEEL BETTER
HAVING YOUR OWN PLACE.
YEAH. GOODBYE.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
LINDA RONSTADT AND PHOEBE SNOW.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

LINDA RONSTADT AND PHOEBE SNOW.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[INTRO TO RUDY CLARK'S "THE

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[INTRO TO RUDY CLARK'S "THE
SHOOP SHOOP SONG (IT'S IN HIS

[INTRO TO RUDY CLARK'S "THE
SHOOP SHOOP SONG (IT'S IN HIS
KISS)" PLAYS]

[SHOOP SHOOP SONG (IT'S IN HIS
KISS)" PLAYS]
♪ DOES HE LOVE ME? ♪

[(KISS)" PLAYS]
♪ DOES HE LOVE ME? ♪
♪ I WANT TO KNOW ♪

♪ DOES HE LOVE ME? ♪
♪ I WANT TO KNOW ♪
♪ HOW CAN I TELL IF HE LOVES

♪ I WANT TO KNOW ♪
♪ HOW CAN I TELL IF HE LOVES
ME SO? ♪

♪ HOW CAN I TELL IF HE LOVES
ME SO? ♪
♪ IS IT IN HIS EYES? ♪

ME SO? ♪
♪ IS IT IN HIS EYES? ♪
♪ WHOA, NO, YOU'D BE

♪ IS IT IN HIS EYES? ♪
♪ WHOA, NO, YOU'D BE
DECEIVED ♪

♪ WHOA, NO, YOU'D BE
DECEIVED ♪
♪ IS IT IN HIS EYES? ♪

DECEIVED ♪
♪ IS IT IN HIS EYES? ♪
♪ OH, NO, YOU MAKE BELIEVE ♪

♪ IS IT IN HIS EYES? ♪
♪ OH, NO, YOU MAKE BELIEVE ♪
Both: ♪ IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ♪

♪ OH, NO, YOU MAKE BELIEVE ♪
Both: ♪ IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ♪
♪ IF HE LOVES YOU SO ♪

Both: ♪ IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ♪
♪ IF HE LOVES YOU SO ♪
♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪

♪ IF HE LOVES YOU SO ♪
♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪
♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪

♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪
♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪
♪ WELL, IS IT IN HIS FACE? ♪

♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪
♪ WELL, IS IT IN HIS FACE? ♪
♪ WHOA, NO, THAT'S JUST HIS

♪ WELL, IS IT IN HIS FACE? ♪
♪ WHOA, NO, THAT'S JUST HIS
CHARMS ♪

♪ WHOA, NO, THAT'S JUST HIS
CHARMS ♪
♪ OR IN HIS WARM EMBRACE? ♪

CHARMS ♪
♪ OR IN HIS WARM EMBRACE? ♪
♪ WHOA, NO, THAT'S JUST HIS

♪ OR IN HIS WARM EMBRACE? ♪
♪ WHOA, NO, THAT'S JUST HIS
ARMS ♪

♪ WHOA, NO, THAT'S JUST HIS
ARMS ♪
Both: ♪ IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ♪

ARMS ♪
Both: ♪ IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ♪
♪ IF HE LOVES YOU SO ♪

Both: ♪ IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ♪
♪ IF HE LOVES YOU SO ♪
♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪

♪ IF HE LOVES YOU SO ♪
♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪
♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪

♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪
♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪
♪ OH, IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪

♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪
♪ OH, IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪
♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪

♪ OH, IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪
♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪
Both: ♪ HUG HIM ♪

♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪
Both: ♪ HUG HIM ♪
♪ SQUEEZE HIM TIGHT ♪

Both: ♪ HUG HIM ♪
♪ SQUEEZE HIM TIGHT ♪
♪ AND FIND OUT WHAT YOU WANT TO

♪ SQUEEZE HIM TIGHT ♪
♪ AND FIND OUT WHAT YOU WANT TO
KNOW ♪

♪ AND FIND OUT WHAT YOU WANT TO
KNOW ♪
♪ IF IT'S LOVE, IF IT

KNOW ♪
♪ IF IT'S LOVE, IF IT
REALLY IS ♪

♪ IF IT'S LOVE, IF IT
REALLY IS ♪
♪ IT'S THERE IN HIS KISS ♪

REALLY IS ♪
♪ IT'S THERE IN HIS KISS ♪
♪ HOW 'BOUT THE WAY HE

♪ IT'S THERE IN HIS KISS ♪
♪ HOW 'BOUT THE WAY HE
ACTS? ♪

♪ HOW 'BOUT THE WAY HE
ACTS? ♪
♪ WHOA, NO, THAT'S NOT THE

ACTS? ♪
♪ WHOA, NO, THAT'S NOT THE
WAY ♪

♪ WHOA, NO, THAT'S NOT THE
WAY ♪
♪ AND YOU'RE NOT LISTENIN' TO

WAY ♪
♪ AND YOU'RE NOT LISTENIN' TO
ALL I SAY ♪

♪ AND YOU'RE NOT LISTENIN' TO
ALL I SAY ♪
Both: ♪ IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ♪

ALL I SAY ♪
Both: ♪ IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ♪
♪ IF HE LOVES YOU SO ♪

Both: ♪ IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ♪
♪ IF HE LOVES YOU SO ♪
♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪

♪ IF HE LOVES YOU SO ♪
♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪
♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪

Both: ♪ SHOOP, SHOOP, SHOOP,
SHOOP, SHOOP, SHOOP ♪
♪ SHOO-DOOP ♪

SHOOP, SHOOP, SHOOP ♪
♪ SHOO-DOOP ♪
♪ HUG HIM ♪

♪ SHOO-DOOP ♪
♪ HUG HIM ♪
♪ SQUEEZE HIM TIGHT ♪

♪ HUG HIM ♪
♪ SQUEEZE HIM TIGHT ♪
♪ AND FIND OUT WHAT YOU WANT TO

♪ SQUEEZE HIM TIGHT ♪
♪ AND FIND OUT WHAT YOU WANT TO
KNOW ♪

♪ AND FIND OUT WHAT YOU WANT TO
KNOW ♪
♪ IF IT'S LOVE, IF IT

KNOW ♪
♪ IF IT'S LOVE, IF IT
REALLY IS ♪

♪ IF IT'S LOVE, IF IT
REALLY IS ♪
♪ IT'S THERE IN HIS KISS ♪

REALLY IS ♪
♪ IT'S THERE IN HIS KISS ♪
♪ HOW 'BOUT THE WAY HE

♪ IT'S THERE IN HIS KISS ♪
♪ HOW 'BOUT THE WAY HE
ACTS? ♪

♪ HOW 'BOUT THE WAY HE
ACTS? ♪
♪ WHOA, NO, THAT'S NOT THE

ACTS? ♪
♪ WHOA, NO, THAT'S NOT THE
WAY ♪

♪ WHOA, NO, THAT'S NOT THE
WAY ♪
♪ AND YOU'RE NOT LISTENIN' TO

WAY ♪
♪ AND YOU'RE NOT LISTENIN' TO
ALL I SAY ♪

♪ AND YOU'RE NOT LISTENIN' TO
ALL I SAY ♪
Both: ♪ IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ♪

ALL I SAY ♪
Both: ♪ IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ♪
♪ IF HE LOVES YOU SO ♪

Both: ♪ IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ♪
♪ IF HE LOVES YOU SO ♪
♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪

♪ IF HE LOVES YOU SO ♪
♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪
♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪

♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪
♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪
♪ OH ♪

♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪
♪ OH ♪
♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪

♪ OH ♪
♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪
♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪

♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪
♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪
♪ OH ♪

♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪
♪ OH ♪
♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS, CHILD, NOW ♪

♪ OH ♪
♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS, CHILD, NOW ♪
♪ WHOA ♪

♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS, CHILD, NOW ♪
♪ WHOA ♪
♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪

♪ WHOA ♪
♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪
♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪

♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪
♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪
♪ OH, HO HO ♪

♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪
♪ OH, HO HO ♪
♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS, NOW ♪

♪ OH, HO HO ♪
♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS, NOW ♪
Both: ♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪

♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS, NOW ♪
Both: ♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AHH! GOT IT!
THOSE DARN COCKROACHES.
THEY'RE EVERYWHERE.

THOSE DARN COCKROACHES.
THEY'RE EVERYWHERE.
GOT A ROACH PROBLEM?

THEY'RE EVERYWHERE.
GOT A ROACH PROBLEM?
WELL, BETTER GET READY FOR IT TO

GOT A ROACH PROBLEM?
WELL, BETTER GET READY FOR IT TO
GET WORSE BECAUSE SUMMERTIME IS

WELL, BETTER GET READY FOR IT TO
GET WORSE BECAUSE SUMMERTIME IS
ROACH TIME, AND ANYTIME ROACHES

GET WORSE BECAUSE SUMMERTIME IS
ROACH TIME, AND ANYTIME ROACHES
ARE AROUND, IT MEANS BAD NEWS

ROACH TIME, AND ANYTIME ROACHES
ARE AROUND, IT MEANS BAD NEWS
FOR YOU HOME AND APARTMENT

ARE AROUND, IT MEANS BAD NEWS
FOR YOU HOME AND APARTMENT
DWELLERS.

FOR YOU HOME AND APARTMENT
DWELLERS.
NOW THERE'S A WAY OF ELIMINATING

DWELLERS.
NOW THERE'S A WAY OF ELIMINATING
MAN'S OLDEST PEST BY USING THE

NOW THERE'S A WAY OF ELIMINATING
MAN'S OLDEST PEST BY USING THE
WORLD'S OLD PROFESSION.

MAN'S OLDEST PEST BY USING THE
WORLD'S OLD PROFESSION.
INTRODUCING THE ROACH BROTHEL.

WORLD'S OLD PROFESSION.
INTRODUCING THE ROACH BROTHEL.
EACH HOUSE CONTAINS SENSUAL

INTRODUCING THE ROACH BROTHEL.
EACH HOUSE CONTAINS SENSUAL
FEMALES WHO SENSE, LURE

EACH HOUSE CONTAINS SENSUAL
FEMALES WHO SENSE, LURE
UNSUSPECTING MALES INTO A

FEMALES WHO SENSE, LURE
UNSUSPECTING MALES INTO A
SITUATION THAT NO ROACH CAN

UNSUSPECTING MALES INTO A
SITUATION THAT NO ROACH CAN
RESIST.

SITUATION THAT NO ROACH CAN
RESIST.
HEY!

RESIST.
HEY!
HEY, HANDSOME!

HEY!
HEY, HANDSOME!
WHERE YOU GOING SO FAST?

HEY, HANDSOME!
WHERE YOU GOING SO FAST?
OH, I DON'T KNOW.

WHERE YOU GOING SO FAST?
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
I'M JUST SORT OF WALKING AROUND.

OH, I DON'T KNOW.
I'M JUST SORT OF WALKING AROUND.
MMM.

I'M JUST SORT OF WALKING AROUND.
MMM.
WELL, UH, DO YOU WANT TO GO?

MMM.
WELL, UH, DO YOU WANT TO GO?
UH, WHERE?

WELL, UH, DO YOU WANT TO GO?
UH, WHERE?
RIGHT IN HERE.

UH, WHERE?
RIGHT IN HERE.
OH, WHAT FOR?

RIGHT IN HERE.
OH, WHAT FOR?
YOU KNOW WHAT FOR.

OH, WHAT FOR?
YOU KNOW WHAT FOR.
WELL...

YOU KNOW WHAT FOR.
WELL...
[SNIFFS]

WELL...
[SNIFFS]
SOMETHING SURE SMELLS GOOD.

[SNIFFS]
SOMETHING SURE SMELLS GOOD.
AWW, COME ON IN!

SOMETHING SURE SMELLS GOOD.
AWW, COME ON IN!
MM, I DON'T THINK SO, NO.

AWW, COME ON IN!
MM, I DON'T THINK SO, NO.
COME ON. IT'LL BE FUN.

MM, I DON'T THINK SO, NO.
COME ON. IT'LL BE FUN.
THE THREE OF US COULD HAVE A

COME ON. IT'LL BE FUN.
THE THREE OF US COULD HAVE A
LITTLE ROACH à TROIS.

THE THREE OF US COULD HAVE A
LITTLE ROACH à TROIS.
WELL, ALL RIGHT.

LITTLE ROACH à TROIS.
WELL, ALL RIGHT.
I HAVEN'T GOT A LOT OF TIME,

WELL, ALL RIGHT.
I HAVEN'T GOT A LOT OF TIME,
THOUGH.

I HAVEN'T GOT A LOT OF TIME,
THOUGH.
VERY GOOD, GIRLS.

THOUGH.
VERY GOOD, GIRLS.
WHY DON'T YOU SHOW YOUR

VERY GOOD, GIRLS.
WHY DON'T YOU SHOW YOUR
GENTLEMAN FRIEND INTO THE BACK

WHY DON'T YOU SHOW YOUR
GENTLEMAN FRIEND INTO THE BACK
ROOM?

GENTLEMAN FRIEND INTO THE BACK
ROOM?
OOH!

ROOM?
OOH!
[MUMBLING EXCITEDLY]

OOH!
[MUMBLING EXCITEDLY]
EVEN THE BEST HOUSES GET

[MUMBLING EXCITEDLY]
EVEN THE BEST HOUSES GET
ROACHES, SO WHY NOT PROTECT YOUR

EVEN THE BEST HOUSES GET
ROACHES, SO WHY NOT PROTECT YOUR
HOUSE WITH THIS HOUSE...

ROACHES, SO WHY NOT PROTECT YOUR
HOUSE WITH THIS HOUSE...
THE ROACH BROTHEL.

Announcer: BY...

[DOORBELL RINGS]

[SIGHS]
[CHUCKLES]
OH!

[CHUCKLES]
OH!
HI, MOM. HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

OH!
HI, MOM. HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
MY BABY!

HI, MOM. HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
MY BABY!
OH!

MY BABY!
OH!
HI.

OH!
HI.
OH, DEAR.

HI.
OH, DEAR.
OH.

OH, DEAR.
OH.
[EXHALES SHARPLY]

OH.
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
[SIGHS]

[EXHALES SHARPLY]
[SIGHS]
WELL, MOM, HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?

[SIGHS]
WELL, MOM, HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?
OH, I'M ALL RIGHT.

WELL, MOM, HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?
OH, I'M ALL RIGHT.
MOM, WHAT'S WRONG?

OH, I'M ALL RIGHT.
MOM, WHAT'S WRONG?
NOTHING.

MOM, WHAT'S WRONG?
NOTHING.
NOTHING. I'LL BE FINE.

NOTHING.
NOTHING. I'LL BE FINE.
DON'T WORRY.

NOTHING. I'LL BE FINE.
DON'T WORRY.
OKAY, I WON'T WORRY.

DON'T WORRY.
OKAY, I WON'T WORRY.
HOW'S, UH, LITTLE BOOTSY

OKAY, I WON'T WORRY.
HOW'S, UH, LITTLE BOOTSY
HERE?

HOW'S, UH, LITTLE BOOTSY
HERE?
WORRIED.

HERE?
WORRIED.
MOM, ARE YOU READY TO GO TO

WORRIED.
MOM, ARE YOU READY TO GO TO
DINNER?

MOM, ARE YOU READY TO GO TO
DINNER?
WELL, I THOUGHT... I THOUGHT

DINNER?
WELL, I THOUGHT... I THOUGHT
WE COULD HAVE AN APPETIZER HERE

WELL, I THOUGHT... I THOUGHT
WE COULD HAVE AN APPETIZER HERE
FIRST!

WE COULD HAVE AN APPETIZER HERE
FIRST!
MOM, MOM, WE'LL EAT AT THE

FIRST!
MOM, MOM, WE'LL EAT AT THE
RESTAURANT.

MOM, MOM, WE'LL EAT AT THE
RESTAURANT.
OH, BUT I MADE YOUR

RESTAURANT.
OH, BUT I MADE YOUR
FAVORITE... BRISKET AND A ROAST

OH, BUT I MADE YOUR
FAVORITE... BRISKET AND A ROAST
POTATO.

FAVORITE... BRISKET AND A ROAST
POTATO.
MOM, MOM, I MADE A

POTATO.
MOM, MOM, I MADE A
RESERVATION AT YOUR FAVORITE

MOM, MOM, I MADE A
RESERVATION AT YOUR FAVORITE
RESTAURANT, MADRIGAL.

RESERVATION AT YOUR FAVORITE
RESTAURANT, MADRIGAL.
IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY.

RESTAURANT, MADRIGAL.
IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY.
I'M TAKING YOU THERE SO YOU'LL

IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY.
I'M TAKING YOU THERE SO YOU'LL
BE HAPPY.

I'M TAKING YOU THERE SO YOU'LL
BE HAPPY.
WELL, HONEY... OH, BABY, I

BE HAPPY.
WELL, HONEY... OH, BABY, I
HATE TO SEE YOU SPEND YOUR MONEY

WELL, HONEY... OH, BABY, I
HATE TO SEE YOU SPEND YOUR MONEY
ON ME.

HATE TO SEE YOU SPEND YOUR MONEY
ON ME.
WHY DON'T YOU SAVE UP AND BUY

ON ME.
WHY DON'T YOU SAVE UP AND BUY
YOURSELF A COAT?

WHY DON'T YOU SAVE UP AND BUY
YOURSELF A COAT?
MOM, I HAVE A COAT.

YOURSELF A COAT?
MOM, I HAVE A COAT.
I HAVE LOTS OF COATS.

MOM, I HAVE A COAT.
I HAVE LOTS OF COATS.
WELL, YOU... YOU... YOU COULD

I HAVE LOTS OF COATS.
WELL, YOU... YOU... YOU COULD
HAVE MY COAT!

WELL, YOU... YOU... YOU COULD
HAVE MY COAT!
MOM, I DON'T WANT TO TAKE

HAVE MY COAT!
MOM, I DON'T WANT TO TAKE
YOUR COAT.

MOM, I DON'T WANT TO TAKE
YOUR COAT.
I DON'T WANT YOUR COAT, ALL

YOUR COAT.
I DON'T WANT YOUR COAT, ALL
RIGHT?

I DON'T WANT YOUR COAT, ALL
RIGHT?
EXCUSE ME.

RIGHT?
EXCUSE ME.
I'M SORRY.

EXCUSE ME.
I'M SORRY.
MOM, WOULD YOU STOP

I'M SORRY.
MOM, WOULD YOU STOP
APOLOGIZING?

MOM, WOULD YOU STOP
APOLOGIZING?
I'M SORRY.

APOLOGIZING?
I'M SORRY.
MOTHER...

I'M SORRY.
MOTHER...
I'M SORRY.

MOTHER...
I'M SORRY.
MOTHER, YOU ARE JUST... YOU

I'M SORRY.
MOTHER, YOU ARE JUST... YOU
ARE JUST TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL

MOTHER, YOU ARE JUST... YOU
ARE JUST TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL
GUILTY.

ARE JUST TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL
GUILTY.
DON'T DO ANYTHING THAT MAKES

GUILTY.
DON'T DO ANYTHING THAT MAKES
YOU FEEL GUILTY, AND THEN YOU

DON'T DO ANYTHING THAT MAKES
YOU FEEL GUILTY, AND THEN YOU
WON'T FEEL GUILTY.

YOU FEEL GUILTY, AND THEN YOU
WON'T FEEL GUILTY.
MOTHER, COULD YOU JUST GO AND

WON'T FEEL GUILTY.
MOTHER, COULD YOU JUST GO AND
PUT THE BRISKET BACK IN THE

MOTHER, COULD YOU JUST GO AND
PUT THE BRISKET BACK IN THE
FRIDGE, AND WE'RE GOING OUT TO

PUT THE BRISKET BACK IN THE
FRIDGE, AND WE'RE GOING OUT TO
DINNER, OKAY?

FRIDGE, AND WE'RE GOING OUT TO
DINNER, OKAY?
IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY.

DINNER, OKAY?
IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY.
WHATEVER YOU WANT.

OH, UH, YES, IS THIS THE
DOORMAN?
UM, I WAS WONDERING, UH, COULD

DOORMAN?
UM, I WAS WONDERING, UH, COULD
YOU SEND A CAB FOR MRS. ARTHUR'S

UM, I WAS WONDERING, UH, COULD
YOU SEND A CAB FOR MRS. ARTHUR'S
APARTMENT, 18K?

YOU SEND A CAB FOR MRS. ARTHUR'S
APARTMENT, 18K?
YEAH.

APARTMENT, 18K?
YEAH.
AND YOU'LL PHONE US WHEN IT'S

YEAH.
AND YOU'LL PHONE US WHEN IT'S
THERE?

AND YOU'LL PHONE US WHEN IT'S
THERE?
OKAY, THANK YOU.

THERE?
OKAY, THANK YOU.
AH, HERE, BABY.

OKAY, THANK YOU.
AH, HERE, BABY.
TAKE THE BRISKET.

AH, HERE, BABY.
TAKE THE BRISKET.
MOM, I DON'T... I DON'T WANT

TAKE THE BRISKET.
MOM, I DON'T... I DON'T WANT
IT.

MOM, I DON'T... I DON'T WANT
IT.
WELL, HONEY, I DON'T LIKE

IT.
WELL, HONEY, I DON'T LIKE
BRISKET.

WELL, HONEY, I DON'T LIKE
BRISKET.
I NEVER EAT IT, SO TAKE IT.

BRISKET.
I NEVER EAT IT, SO TAKE IT.
I CAN'T EAT...

I NEVER EAT IT, SO TAKE IT.
I CAN'T EAT...
MOTHER, I DON'T WANT TO WALK

I CAN'T EAT...
MOTHER, I DON'T WANT TO WALK
INTO A RESTAURANT CARRYING A

MOTHER, I DON'T WANT TO WALK
INTO A RESTAURANT CARRYING A
BRISKET.

INTO A RESTAURANT CARRYING A
BRISKET.
YOU CAN CHECK THE BRISKET.

BRISKET.
YOU CAN CHECK THE BRISKET.
I DON'T WANT TO CHECK THE

YOU CAN CHECK THE BRISKET.
I DON'T WANT TO CHECK THE
BRISKET.

I DON'T WANT TO CHECK THE
BRISKET.
WHY?

BRISKET.
WHY?
IS THERE A LAW SAYING YOU CAN'T

WHY?
IS THERE A LAW SAYING YOU CAN'T
CHECK A BRISKET?

IS THERE A LAW SAYING YOU CAN'T
CHECK A BRISKET?
WHILE I WAS ASLEEP, THE

CHECK A BRISKET?
WHILE I WAS ASLEEP, THE
PRESIDENT PASSED NEW

WHILE I WAS ASLEEP, THE
PRESIDENT PASSED NEW
LEGISLATION...

PRESIDENT PASSED NEW
LEGISLATION...
LEGISLATION. LEGIS...

LEGISLATION...
LEGISLATION. LEGIS...
ABOUT CHECKING BRISKETS?

LEGISLATION. LEGIS...
ABOUT CHECKING BRISKETS?
I AM NOT TAKING THE BRISKET

ABOUT CHECKING BRISKETS?
I AM NOT TAKING THE BRISKET
TO THE RESTAURANT.

I AM NOT TAKING THE BRISKET
TO THE RESTAURANT.
TAKE THE BRISKET.

TO THE RESTAURANT.
TAKE THE BRISKET.
HELP, GOD.

TAKE THE BRISKET.
HELP, GOD.
GET ME OUT OF THIS DISCUSSION.

HELP, GOD.
GET ME OUT OF THIS DISCUSSION.
IT WAS A $12 BRISKET.

GET ME OUT OF THIS DISCUSSION.
IT WAS A $12 BRISKET.
OKAY, MOM. OKAY, FINE.

IT WAS A $12 BRISKET.
OKAY, MOM. OKAY, FINE.
$12.

OKAY, MOM. OKAY, FINE.
$12.
$12. HERE, MOM.

$12.
$12. HERE, MOM.
TAKE THE $12.

$12. HERE, MOM.
TAKE THE $12.
MRS. KELLMAN'S DAUGHTER

TAKE THE $12.
MRS. KELLMAN'S DAUGHTER
CHECKED A VEAL ROAST AT

MRS. KELLMAN'S DAUGHTER
CHECKED A VEAL ROAST AT
TRADER VIC'S.

CHECKED A VEAL ROAST AT
TRADER VIC'S.
MRS. KELLMAN'S DAUGHTER CALLS

TRADER VIC'S.
MRS. KELLMAN'S DAUGHTER CALLS
HER EVERY DAY.

MRS. KELLMAN'S DAUGHTER CALLS
HER EVERY DAY.
MRS. KELLMAN'S DAUGHTER TOOK

HER EVERY DAY.
MRS. KELLMAN'S DAUGHTER TOOK
MRS. KELLMAN TO NASSAU.

MRS. KELLMAN'S DAUGHTER TOOK
MRS. KELLMAN TO NASSAU.
MRS. KELLMAN'S DAUGHTER HAS

MRS. KELLMAN TO NASSAU.
MRS. KELLMAN'S DAUGHTER HAS
THREE WONDERFUL GRANDCHILDREN.

MRS. KELLMAN'S DAUGHTER HAS
THREE WONDERFUL GRANDCHILDREN.
AND MRS. KELLMAN'S DAUGHTER DOES

THREE WONDERFUL GRANDCHILDREN.
AND MRS. KELLMAN'S DAUGHTER DOES
IT WITH YOUR DENTIST IN THE SAME

AND MRS. KELLMAN'S DAUGHTER DOES
IT WITH YOUR DENTIST IN THE SAME
CHAIR WHERE YOU GET YOUR TEETH

IT WITH YOUR DENTIST IN THE SAME
CHAIR WHERE YOU GET YOUR TEETH
CLEANED.

CHAIR WHERE YOU GET YOUR TEETH
CLEANED.
I DON'T HAVE TO HEAR THIS.

THAT'S, UM... THAT'S A NICE
TEA SET.
IS IT NEW?

TEA SET.
IS IT NEW?
IT'S JAPANESE.

IS IT NEW?
IT'S JAPANESE.
HERE, TAKE IT.

IT'S JAPANESE.
HERE, TAKE IT.
MOM, WOULD YOU QUIT TRYING TO

HERE, TAKE IT.
MOM, WOULD YOU QUIT TRYING TO
GIVE ME STUFF?

MOM, WOULD YOU QUIT TRYING TO
GIVE ME STUFF?
I MEAN, IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY.

GIVE ME STUFF?
I MEAN, IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY.
CAN'T I GIVE YOU SOMETHING?

I MEAN, IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY.
CAN'T I GIVE YOU SOMETHING?
BUT ALL I WANT IS YOUR

CAN'T I GIVE YOU SOMETHING?
BUT ALL I WANT IS YOUR
RESPECT.

BUT ALL I WANT IS YOUR
RESPECT.
YEAH, WELL, I'D RATHER GIVE

RESPECT.
YEAH, WELL, I'D RATHER GIVE
YOU A GIFT.

YEAH, WELL, I'D RATHER GIVE
YOU A GIFT.
WHAT?

YOU A GIFT.
WHAT?
NOTHING, MOM.

WHAT?
NOTHING, MOM.
DO YOU HAVE AN ASHTRAY?

NOTHING, MOM.
DO YOU HAVE AN ASHTRAY?
WHAT FOR?

DO YOU HAVE AN ASHTRAY?
WHAT FOR?
I WANT TO THROW UP IN IT.

WHAT FOR?
I WANT TO THROW UP IN IT.
I THOUGHT YOU QUIT SMOKING.

I WANT TO THROW UP IN IT.
I THOUGHT YOU QUIT SMOKING.
MRS. KELLMAN'S DAUGHTER QUIT

I THOUGHT YOU QUIT SMOKING.
MRS. KELLMAN'S DAUGHTER QUIT
SMOKING... THE ADULTERESS.

MRS. KELLMAN'S DAUGHTER QUIT
SMOKING... THE ADULTERESS.
IS, UM... THAT WHAT YOU'RE

SMOKING... THE ADULTERESS.
IS, UM... THAT WHAT YOU'RE
WEARING?

IS, UM... THAT WHAT YOU'RE
WEARING?
NO, THIS IS WHAT

WEARING?
NO, THIS IS WHAT
CARMEN MIRANDA IS WEARING.

NO, THIS IS WHAT
CARMEN MIRANDA IS WEARING.
SHE'S WEARING WHAT I'M WEARING.

CARMEN MIRANDA IS WEARING.
SHE'S WEARING WHAT I'M WEARING.
OUR OUTFIT'S GOT MIXED UP ON THE

SHE'S WEARING WHAT I'M WEARING.
OUR OUTFIT'S GOT MIXED UP ON THE
WAY OVER HERE.

OUR OUTFIT'S GOT MIXED UP ON THE
WAY OVER HERE.
ARE YOU SURE YOU'LL BE WARM

WAY OVER HERE.
ARE YOU SURE YOU'LL BE WARM
ENOUGH?

ARE YOU SURE YOU'LL BE WARM
ENOUGH?
NO, MOTHER, ACTUALLY, I'M NOT

ENOUGH?
NO, MOTHER, ACTUALLY, I'M NOT
NOT SURE WHETHER I HAVE ANY

NO, MOTHER, ACTUALLY, I'M NOT
NOT SURE WHETHER I HAVE ANY
CLOTHES ON AT ALL.

NOT SURE WHETHER I HAVE ANY
CLOTHES ON AT ALL.
YOU KNOW, I'M 32 YEARS OLD, AND

CLOTHES ON AT ALL.
YOU KNOW, I'M 32 YEARS OLD, AND
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRESS

YOU KNOW, I'M 32 YEARS OLD, AND
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRESS
MYSELF.

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRESS
MYSELF.
I MEAN, I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO

MYSELF.
I MEAN, I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO
COOK AN EGG.

I MEAN, I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO
COOK AN EGG.
I THINK YOU JUST BREAK IT ONTO A

COOK AN EGG.
I THINK YOU JUST BREAK IT ONTO A
PLATE, AND IT COMES OUT

I THINK YOU JUST BREAK IT ONTO A
PLATE, AND IT COMES OUT
SCRAMBLED.

PLATE, AND IT COMES OUT
SCRAMBLED.
AND, YOU KNOW, MOM, I TAP-DANCE

SCRAMBLED.
AND, YOU KNOW, MOM, I TAP-DANCE
IN THE BATHTUB, AND I'M ALWAYS

AND, YOU KNOW, MOM, I TAP-DANCE
IN THE BATHTUB, AND I'M ALWAYS
PUTTING MY FINGER INTO ELECTRIC

IN THE BATHTUB, AND I'M ALWAYS
PUTTING MY FINGER INTO ELECTRIC
SOCKETS.

PUTTING MY FINGER INTO ELECTRIC
SOCKETS.
AND, UH, THIS IS SOMETHING YOU

SOCKETS.
AND, UH, THIS IS SOMETHING YOU
DON'T KNOW, MOM.

AND, UH, THIS IS SOMETHING YOU
DON'T KNOW, MOM.
UH, I SHAVE MY ARMPITS WITH A

DON'T KNOW, MOM.
UH, I SHAVE MY ARMPITS WITH A
CARVING KNIFE.

UH, I SHAVE MY ARMPITS WITH A
CARVING KNIFE.
AND I FORGET TO PUT MY PANTS

CARVING KNIFE.
AND I FORGET TO PUT MY PANTS
BACK ON EVERY TIME I GO TO THE

AND I FORGET TO PUT MY PANTS
BACK ON EVERY TIME I GO TO THE
BATHROOM.

BACK ON EVERY TIME I GO TO THE
BATHROOM.
AND I LOVE PICKING MY NOSE SO

BATHROOM.
AND I LOVE PICKING MY NOSE SO
MUCH THAT THE UNDERNEATH OF YOUR

AND I LOVE PICKING MY NOSE SO
MUCH THAT THE UNDERNEATH OF YOUR
COUCH IS CAKED WITH SNOT.

HERE, BOOTSY.
MAYBE BOOTSY WOULD LIKE SOME
BRISKET?

MAYBE BOOTSY WOULD LIKE SOME
BRISKET?
[TELEPHONE BUZZES]

BRISKET?
[TELEPHONE BUZZES]
OH. OH, YEAH, THANK YOU.

[TELEPHONE BUZZES]
OH. OH, YEAH, THANK YOU.
THANKS VERY MUCH.

OH. OH, YEAH, THANK YOU.
THANKS VERY MUCH.
ALL RIGHT, WE'LL BE RIGHT DOWN.

THANKS VERY MUCH.
ALL RIGHT, WE'LL BE RIGHT DOWN.
MOM, THE CAB'S HERE.

ALL RIGHT, WE'LL BE RIGHT DOWN.
MOM, THE CAB'S HERE.
HERE.

MOM, THE CAB'S HERE.
HERE.
MOM, DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE

HERE.
MOM, DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE
GONNA BE HOT IN THIS COAT?

MOM, DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE
GONNA BE HOT IN THIS COAT?
IT'S SO HEAVY.

GONNA BE HOT IN THIS COAT?
IT'S SO HEAVY.
WAIT. WAIT A MINUTE.

IT'S SO HEAVY.
WAIT. WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT?

WAIT. WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT?
YOU... YOU HAVE LIPSTICK ALL

WHAT?
YOU... YOU HAVE LIPSTICK ALL
OVER YOUR TEETH.

YOU... YOU HAVE LIPSTICK ALL
OVER YOUR TEETH.
HERE?

OVER YOUR TEETH.
HERE?
NO, WAIT. I'LL GET IT.

HERE?
NO, WAIT. I'LL GET IT.
WAIT A MINUTE.

NO, WAIT. I'LL GET IT.
WAIT A MINUTE.
COME HERE.

WAIT A MINUTE.
COME HERE.
THERE YOU GO.

COME HERE.
THERE YOU GO.
HOW DO I LOOK?

THERE YOU GO.
HOW DO I LOOK?
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.

HOW DO I LOOK?
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
COME ON. LET'S GO.

Announcer: AND NOW
"WEEKEND UPDATE," WITH THE
"WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM.

"WEEKEND UPDATE," WITH THE
"WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY PREMATURE

"WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY PREMATURE
EJAC-O-LANTERNS... MAKES

BROUGHT TO YOU BY PREMATURE
EJAC-O-LANTERNS... MAKES
HALLOWEEN GET HERE BEFORE YOU

EJAC-O-LANTERNS... MAKES
HALLOWEEN GET HERE BEFORE YOU
KNOW IT.

HALLOWEEN GET HERE BEFORE YOU
KNOW IT.
HERE ARE ANCHORPERSONS

KNOW IT.
HERE ARE ANCHORPERSONS
BILL MURRAY AND JANE CURTIN.

HERE ARE ANCHORPERSONS
BILL MURRAY AND JANE CURTIN.
GOOD EVENING.

BILL MURRAY AND JANE CURTIN.
GOOD EVENING.
I'M JANE CURTIN.

GOOD EVENING.
I'M JANE CURTIN.
HERE NOW THE NEWS.

I'M JANE CURTIN.
HERE NOW THE NEWS.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... AS THE

HERE NOW THE NEWS.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... AS THE
PRICE OF GASOLINE WENT OVER THE

OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... AS THE
PRICE OF GASOLINE WENT OVER THE
$1.00 MARK, A SOLUTION TO THE

PRICE OF GASOLINE WENT OVER THE
$1.00 MARK, A SOLUTION TO THE
SHORTAGE WAS OFFERED BY

$1.00 MARK, A SOLUTION TO THE
SHORTAGE WAS OFFERED BY
CALIFORNIA SENATOR

SHORTAGE WAS OFFERED BY
CALIFORNIA SENATOR
S.I. HAYAKAWA.

CALIFORNIA SENATOR
S.I. HAYAKAWA.
HE SAID THE PROBLEM WILL ONLY BE

S.I. HAYAKAWA.
HE SAID THE PROBLEM WILL ONLY BE
SOLVED WHEN GASOLINE PRICES

HE SAID THE PROBLEM WILL ONLY BE
SOLVED WHEN GASOLINE PRICES
REACH $2.00 OR $3.00 A GALLON.

SOLVED WHEN GASOLINE PRICES
REACH $2.00 OR $3.00 A GALLON.
ASKED ABOUT THE HARDSHIP ON MANY

REACH $2.00 OR $3.00 A GALLON.
ASKED ABOUT THE HARDSHIP ON MANY
PEOPLE, HAYAKAWA REPLIED, "THE

ASKED ABOUT THE HARDSHIP ON MANY
PEOPLE, HAYAKAWA REPLIED, "THE
POOR DON'T NEED GAS BECAUSE

PEOPLE, HAYAKAWA REPLIED, "THE
POOR DON'T NEED GAS BECAUSE
THEY'RE NOT WORKING."

POOR DON'T NEED GAS BECAUSE
THEY'RE NOT WORKING."
WELL, "WEEKEND UPDATE" IS

THEY'RE NOT WORKING."
WELL, "WEEKEND UPDATE" IS
PRESENTING SENATOR HAYAKAWA WITH

WELL, "WEEKEND UPDATE" IS
PRESENTING SENATOR HAYAKAWA WITH
ITS FIRST ANNUAL

PRESENTING SENATOR HAYAKAWA WITH
ITS FIRST ANNUAL
MARIE ANTOINETTE "LET THEM EAT

ITS FIRST ANNUAL
MARIE ANTOINETTE "LET THEM EAT
CAKE" AWARD.

MARIE ANTOINETTE "LET THEM EAT
CAKE" AWARD.
LAST WEEK, TEHRAN'S

CAKE" AWARD.
LAST WEEK, TEHRAN'S
REVOLUTIONARY TRIBUNAL ANNOUNCED

LAST WEEK, TEHRAN'S
REVOLUTIONARY TRIBUNAL ANNOUNCED
THAT ANYONE IN THE WORLD WAS

REVOLUTIONARY TRIBUNAL ANNOUNCED
THAT ANYONE IN THE WORLD WAS
FREE TO ASSASSINATE THE SHAH OF

THAT ANYONE IN THE WORLD WAS
FREE TO ASSASSINATE THE SHAH OF
IRAN AND HIS FAMILY HIDING IN

FREE TO ASSASSINATE THE SHAH OF
IRAN AND HIS FAMILY HIDING IN
EXILE.

IRAN AND HIS FAMILY HIDING IN
EXILE.
THIS WEEK, THE OWNER OF THE

EXILE.
THIS WEEK, THE OWNER OF THE
REVOLUTIONARY ANGOLA-BERANG

THIS WEEK, THE OWNER OF THE
REVOLUTIONARY ANGOLA-BERANG
NEWSPAPER IN QOM, IRAN, OFFERED

REVOLUTIONARY ANGOLA-BERANG
NEWSPAPER IN QOM, IRAN, OFFERED
THE SHAH'S ASSASSIN A FREE TRIP

NEWSPAPER IN QOM, IRAN, OFFERED
THE SHAH'S ASSASSIN A FREE TRIP
TO MECCA WITH ALL EXPENSES PAID.

THE SHAH'S ASSASSIN A FREE TRIP
TO MECCA WITH ALL EXPENSES PAID.
AND THAT'S NOT ALL.

TO MECCA WITH ALL EXPENSES PAID.
AND THAT'S NOT ALL.
TELL THAT WOULD-BE ASSASSIN WHAT

AND THAT'S NOT ALL.
TELL THAT WOULD-BE ASSASSIN WHAT
ELSE HE MIGHT WIN, DON PARDO.

TELL THAT WOULD-BE ASSASSIN WHAT
ELSE HE MIGHT WIN, DON PARDO.
Announcer: WELL, JANE, THE

ELSE HE MIGHT WIN, DON PARDO.
Announcer: WELL, JANE, THE
LUCKY ASSASSIN WILL BE FLOWN

Announcer: WELL, JANE, THE
LUCKY ASSASSIN WILL BE FLOWN
NONSTOP TO MECCA ON ISLAMIC

LUCKY ASSASSIN WILL BE FLOWN
NONSTOP TO MECCA ON ISLAMIC
AIRLINES' LUXURIOUS SUPER MECCA

NONSTOP TO MECCA ON ISLAMIC
AIRLINES' LUXURIOUS SUPER MECCA
JET CRUISER, FAVORED BY PILGRIMS

AIRLINES' LUXURIOUS SUPER MECCA
JET CRUISER, FAVORED BY PILGRIMS
THE WORLD OVER.

JET CRUISER, FAVORED BY PILGRIMS
THE WORLD OVER.
BEFORE BOARDING, HE'LL RECEIVE A

THE WORLD OVER.
BEFORE BOARDING, HE'LL RECEIVE A
MATCHING SET OF CLOUD KING

BEFORE BOARDING, HE'LL RECEIVE A
MATCHING SET OF CLOUD KING
AIR-PAL GENUINE HAND-CURED

MATCHING SET OF CLOUD KING
AIR-PAL GENUINE HAND-CURED
MEDITERRANEAN GOATSKIN LUGGAGE,

AIR-PAL GENUINE HAND-CURED
MEDITERRANEAN GOATSKIN LUGGAGE,
JANE.

MEDITERRANEAN GOATSKIN LUGGAGE,
JANE.
WHILE IN MECCA, THE ASSASSIN

JANE.
WHILE IN MECCA, THE ASSASSIN
WILL HAVE EXCLUSIVE USE OF HIS

WHILE IN MECCA, THE ASSASSIN
WILL HAVE EXCLUSIVE USE OF HIS
PERSONAL AIR 'R' WE FLYING

WILL HAVE EXCLUSIVE USE OF HIS
PERSONAL AIR 'R' WE FLYING
CARPET, WITH THE FAMOUS GLIDE

PERSONAL AIR 'R' WE FLYING
CARPET, WITH THE FAMOUS GLIDE
PATH, PLUS PILE DRIVE, A

CARPET, WITH THE FAMOUS GLIDE
PATH, PLUS PILE DRIVE, A
CENTURIES-OLD TRADITION IN

PATH, PLUS PILE DRIVE, A
CENTURIES-OLD TRADITION IN
TRANSPORTATION.

CENTURIES-OLD TRADITION IN
TRANSPORTATION.
AND, JANE, DURING HIS VISIT, THE

TRANSPORTATION.
AND, JANE, DURING HIS VISIT, THE
PAMPERED MURDERER WILL BE

AND, JANE, DURING HIS VISIT, THE
PAMPERED MURDERER WILL BE
STAYING IN THE SUMPTUOUS

PAMPERED MURDERER WILL BE
STAYING IN THE SUMPTUOUS
IMPERIAL SUITE IN MECCA'S PLUSH

STAYING IN THE SUMPTUOUS
IMPERIAL SUITE IN MECCA'S PLUSH
AYATOLLAH BEACH HOTEL AND CABANA

IMPERIAL SUITE IN MECCA'S PLUSH
AYATOLLAH BEACH HOTEL AND CABANA
CLUB, WHERE EVERY ROOM FACES

AYATOLLAH BEACH HOTEL AND CABANA
CLUB, WHERE EVERY ROOM FACES
EAST.

CLUB, WHERE EVERY ROOM FACES
EAST.
AND TO REMEMBER THE EXPERIENCE,

EAST.
AND TO REMEMBER THE EXPERIENCE,
HE'LL TAKE HOME HIS OWN FLOCK OF

AND TO REMEMBER THE EXPERIENCE,
HE'LL TAKE HOME HIS OWN FLOCK OF
PUREBRED IRANIAN SHEEP, THE ONLY

HE'LL TAKE HOME HIS OWN FLOCK OF
PUREBRED IRANIAN SHEEP, THE ONLY
SHEEP IN THE WORLD THAT GIVE

PUREBRED IRANIAN SHEEP, THE ONLY
SHEEP IN THE WORLD THAT GIVE
CAVIAR.

SHEEP IN THE WORLD THAT GIVE
CAVIAR.
JANE?

CAVIAR.
JANE?
THANK YOU, DON PARDO. BILL?

JANE?
THANK YOU, DON PARDO. BILL?
THE STATE DEPARTMENT

THANK YOU, DON PARDO. BILL?
THE STATE DEPARTMENT
ANNOUNCED THAT RETURNING THOSE

THE STATE DEPARTMENT
ANNOUNCED THAT RETURNING THOSE
900 BODIES FROM THE

ANNOUNCED THAT RETURNING THOSE
900 BODIES FROM THE
PEOPLE'S TEMPLE IN GUYANA LAST

900 BODIES FROM THE
PEOPLE'S TEMPLE IN GUYANA LAST
YEAR COST TAXPAYERS $4.3

PEOPLE'S TEMPLE IN GUYANA LAST
YEAR COST TAXPAYERS $4.3
MILLION.

YEAR COST TAXPAYERS $4.3
MILLION.
HEARING THE FIGURE, BRITISH

MILLION.
HEARING THE FIGURE, BRITISH
NO-FRILLS AIRLINE OWNER

HEARING THE FIGURE, BRITISH
NO-FRILLS AIRLINE OWNER
FREDDIE LAKER REPORTEDLY SAID,

NO-FRILLS AIRLINE OWNER
FREDDIE LAKER REPORTEDLY SAID,
"I COULD HAVE FLOWN THEM BACK

FREDDIE LAKER REPORTEDLY SAID,
"I COULD HAVE FLOWN THEM BACK
FOR UNDER $1 MILLION, INCLUDING

"I COULD HAVE FLOWN THEM BACK
FOR UNDER $1 MILLION, INCLUDING
A COMPLIMENTARY GLASS OF

FOR UNDER $1 MILLION, INCLUDING
A COMPLIMENTARY GLASS OF
CHAMPAGNE."

A COMPLIMENTARY GLASS OF
CHAMPAGNE."
IN SIOUX FALLS, SOUTH DAKOTA,

CHAMPAGNE."
IN SIOUX FALLS, SOUTH DAKOTA,
SCHOOL OFFICIALS HAVE APPROVED A

IN SIOUX FALLS, SOUTH DAKOTA,
SCHOOL OFFICIALS HAVE APPROVED A
HIGH-SCHOOL SENIOR'S REQUEST TO

SCHOOL OFFICIALS HAVE APPROVED A
HIGH-SCHOOL SENIOR'S REQUEST TO
TAKE HIS MALE FRIEND TO THE

HIGH-SCHOOL SENIOR'S REQUEST TO
TAKE HIS MALE FRIEND TO THE
PROM.

TAKE HIS MALE FRIEND TO THE
PROM.
THE PRINCIPAL OF LINCOLN HIGH

PROM.
THE PRINCIPAL OF LINCOLN HIGH
SCHOOL SAID, "MY BELIEF IS THAT

THE PRINCIPAL OF LINCOLN HIGH
SCHOOL SAID, "MY BELIEF IS THAT
PEOPLE NEED THEIR RIGHTS

SCHOOL SAID, "MY BELIEF IS THAT
PEOPLE NEED THEIR RIGHTS
PROTECTED.

PEOPLE NEED THEIR RIGHTS
PROTECTED.
HOMOSEXUALS HAVE RIGHTS.

PROTECTED.
HOMOSEXUALS HAVE RIGHTS.
YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT."

HOMOSEXUALS HAVE RIGHTS.
YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT."
IN A RELATED STORY, THE LINCOLN

YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT."
IN A RELATED STORY, THE LINCOLN
HIGH SCHOOL PROM COMMITTEE HAS

IN A RELATED STORY, THE LINCOLN
HIGH SCHOOL PROM COMMITTEE HAS
CANCELED THE TRADITIONAL

HIGH SCHOOL PROM COMMITTEE HAS
CANCELED THE TRADITIONAL
STOOP-TAG DANCE THIS YEAR, AND

CANCELED THE TRADITIONAL
STOOP-TAG DANCE THIS YEAR, AND
THE PRINCIPAL HAS GIVEN NO

STOOP-TAG DANCE THIS YEAR, AND
THE PRINCIPAL HAS GIVEN NO
EXPLANATION FOR THE DECISION.

THE PRINCIPAL HAS GIVEN NO
EXPLANATION FOR THE DECISION.
JANE?

EXPLANATION FOR THE DECISION.
JANE?
TELEVISION PERSONALITY

JANE?
TELEVISION PERSONALITY
DR. JOYCE BROTHERS WAS MUGGED

TELEVISION PERSONALITY
DR. JOYCE BROTHERS WAS MUGGED
OUTSIDE A LOS ANGELES HOTEL

DR. JOYCE BROTHERS WAS MUGGED
OUTSIDE A LOS ANGELES HOTEL
YESTERDAY.

OUTSIDE A LOS ANGELES HOTEL
YESTERDAY.
WHEN ASKED TO DESCRIBE HER

YESTERDAY.
WHEN ASKED TO DESCRIBE HER
ASSAILANT, DR. BROTHERS

WHEN ASKED TO DESCRIBE HER
ASSAILANT, DR. BROTHERS
REPORTEDLY SAID THAT HE WAS A

ASSAILANT, DR. BROTHERS
REPORTEDLY SAID THAT HE WAS A
MALE, CAUCASIAN, ABOUT 5'9", WHO

REPORTEDLY SAID THAT HE WAS A
MALE, CAUCASIAN, ABOUT 5'9", WHO
WAS ACTING OUT A PATHOLOGICALLY

MALE, CAUCASIAN, ABOUT 5'9", WHO
WAS ACTING OUT A PATHOLOGICALLY
REPRESSED HATRED FOR

WAS ACTING OUT A PATHOLOGICALLY
REPRESSED HATRED FOR
PSEUDO-PSYCHOLOGISTS WHO OFFER

REPRESSED HATRED FOR
PSEUDO-PSYCHOLOGISTS WHO OFFER
ASININE ADVICE IN A MONOTONOUS,

PSEUDO-PSYCHOLOGISTS WHO OFFER
ASININE ADVICE IN A MONOTONOUS,
WHINING TONE.

ASININE ADVICE IN A MONOTONOUS,
WHINING TONE.
HELLO, I'M DAN AYKROYD,

WHINING TONE.
HELLO, I'M DAN AYKROYD,
STATION MANAGER FOR

HELLO, I'M DAN AYKROYD,
STATION MANAGER FOR
"WEEKEND UPDATE."

STATION MANAGER FOR
"WEEKEND UPDATE."
YESTERDAY A FEDERAL JURY AWARDED

"WEEKEND UPDATE."
YESTERDAY A FEDERAL JURY AWARDED
$10.5 MILLION TO THE ESTATE OF

YESTERDAY A FEDERAL JURY AWARDED
$10.5 MILLION TO THE ESTATE OF
KAREN SILKWOOD, A 28-YEAR-OLD

$10.5 MILLION TO THE ESTATE OF
KAREN SILKWOOD, A 28-YEAR-OLD
LABORATORY TECHNICIAN

KAREN SILKWOOD, A 28-YEAR-OLD
LABORATORY TECHNICIAN
CONTAMINATED BY RADIATION IN

LABORATORY TECHNICIAN
CONTAMINATED BY RADIATION IN
1974 WHILE EMPLOYED AT A

CONTAMINATED BY RADIATION IN
1974 WHILE EMPLOYED AT A
KERR-McGEE CORPORATION PLUTONIUM

1974 WHILE EMPLOYED AT A
KERR-McGEE CORPORATION PLUTONIUM
PLANT.

KERR-McGEE CORPORATION PLUTONIUM
PLANT.
THE VERDICT COULD HAVE A

PLANT.
THE VERDICT COULD HAVE A
NEGATIVE IMPACT ON THE FUTURE OF

THE VERDICT COULD HAVE A
NEGATIVE IMPACT ON THE FUTURE OF
THE NUCLEAR POWER INDUSTRY,

NEGATIVE IMPACT ON THE FUTURE OF
THE NUCLEAR POWER INDUSTRY,
ALREADY CLOUDED BY THE

THE NUCLEAR POWER INDUSTRY,
ALREADY CLOUDED BY THE
THREE-MILE ISLAND INCIDENT.

ALREADY CLOUDED BY THE
THREE-MILE ISLAND INCIDENT.
THIS WILL BE THE SUBJECT OF

THREE-MILE ISLAND INCIDENT.
THIS WILL BE THE SUBJECT OF
TONIGHT'S "POINT/COUNTERPOINT."

THIS WILL BE THE SUBJECT OF
TONIGHT'S "POINT/COUNTERPOINT."
JANE WILL TAKE THE ANTI-NUCLEAR

TONIGHT'S "POINT/COUNTERPOINT."
JANE WILL TAKE THE ANTI-NUCLEAR
POINT, AND I WILL TAKE THE

JANE WILL TAKE THE ANTI-NUCLEAR
POINT, AND I WILL TAKE THE
PRO-NUCLEAR COUNTERPOINT.

POINT, AND I WILL TAKE THE
PRO-NUCLEAR COUNTERPOINT.
DAN, YOU SELF-IMPORTANT SWINE

PRO-NUCLEAR COUNTERPOINT.
DAN, YOU SELF-IMPORTANT SWINE
ASS, THERE'S NO FUTURE FOR

DAN, YOU SELF-IMPORTANT SWINE
ASS, THERE'S NO FUTURE FOR
NUCLEAR ENERGY BECAUSE

ASS, THERE'S NO FUTURE FOR
NUCLEAR ENERGY BECAUSE
THREE-MILE ISLAND TAUGHT

NUCLEAR ENERGY BECAUSE
THREE-MILE ISLAND TAUGHT
EVERYBODY WHAT SOME OF US

THREE-MILE ISLAND TAUGHT
EVERYBODY WHAT SOME OF US
ALREADY KNEW... THAT

EVERYBODY WHAT SOME OF US
ALREADY KNEW... THAT
NUCLEAR-POWER PLANTS ARE TIME

ALREADY KNEW... THAT
NUCLEAR-POWER PLANTS ARE TIME
BOMBS READY TO MELT DOWN.

NUCLEAR-POWER PLANTS ARE TIME
BOMBS READY TO MELT DOWN.
AND EVEN IF NUCLEAR-POWER PLANTS

BOMBS READY TO MELT DOWN.
AND EVEN IF NUCLEAR-POWER PLANTS
WERE SAFE, WHICH THEY AREN'T,

AND EVEN IF NUCLEAR-POWER PLANTS
WERE SAFE, WHICH THEY AREN'T,
THERE'S STILL THE POTENTIALLY

WERE SAFE, WHICH THEY AREN'T,
THERE'S STILL THE POTENTIALLY
MORE DANGEROUS NUCLEAR-WASTE

THERE'S STILL THE POTENTIALLY
MORE DANGEROUS NUCLEAR-WASTE
PROBLEM.

MORE DANGEROUS NUCLEAR-WASTE
PROBLEM.
BUT YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT WASTE,

PROBLEM.
BUT YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT WASTE,
DAN.

BUT YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT WASTE,
DAN.
YOU'RE CONTENT TO WALLOW IN THE

DAN.
YOU'RE CONTENT TO WALLOW IN THE
SHORT-TERM PROFITS THE CORPORATE

YOU'RE CONTENT TO WALLOW IN THE
SHORT-TERM PROFITS THE CORPORATE
PIGS REAP FOR THEMSELVES.

SHORT-TERM PROFITS THE CORPORATE
PIGS REAP FOR THEMSELVES.
BUT UNLIKE REAL PIGS, THE

PIGS REAP FOR THEMSELVES.
BUT UNLIKE REAL PIGS, THE
CORPORATE ANIMALS HAVEN'T

BUT UNLIKE REAL PIGS, THE
CORPORATE ANIMALS HAVEN'T
LEARNED THAT YOU DON'T EXCRETE

CORPORATE ANIMALS HAVEN'T
LEARNED THAT YOU DON'T EXCRETE
WHERE YOU EAT AND THAT THEIR

LEARNED THAT YOU DON'T EXCRETE
WHERE YOU EAT AND THAT THEIR
RADIOACTIVE EXCREMENT WILL BE

WHERE YOU EAT AND THAT THEIR
RADIOACTIVE EXCREMENT WILL BE
WITH US FOR 250,000 YEARS.

RADIOACTIVE EXCREMENT WILL BE
WITH US FOR 250,000 YEARS.
THAT'S ONE PILE YOU JUST CAN'T

WITH US FOR 250,000 YEARS.
THAT'S ONE PILE YOU JUST CAN'T
FLUSH DOWN THE TOILET, DAN.

THAT'S ONE PILE YOU JUST CAN'T
FLUSH DOWN THE TOILET, DAN.
JANE, YOU MAGNIFICENTLY

FLUSH DOWN THE TOILET, DAN.
JANE, YOU MAGNIFICENTLY
IGNORANT SLUT...

JANE, YOU MAGNIFICENTLY
IGNORANT SLUT...
AREN'T THE GAS LINES... AREN'T

IGNORANT SLUT...
AREN'T THE GAS LINES... AREN'T
THE GAS LINES IN CALIFORNIA

AREN'T THE GAS LINES... AREN'T
THE GAS LINES IN CALIFORNIA
PROOF ENOUGH THAT THE ENERGY

THE GAS LINES IN CALIFORNIA
PROOF ENOUGH THAT THE ENERGY
CRISIS IS FOR REAL?

PROOF ENOUGH THAT THE ENERGY
CRISIS IS FOR REAL?
NUCLEAR ENERGY PROVIDES 12% OF

CRISIS IS FOR REAL?
NUCLEAR ENERGY PROVIDES 12% OF
OUR NATION'S ELECTRICITY, AND

NUCLEAR ENERGY PROVIDES 12% OF
OUR NATION'S ELECTRICITY, AND
WHO'D BE THE FIRST TO COMPLAIN

OUR NATION'S ELECTRICITY, AND
WHO'D BE THE FIRST TO COMPLAIN
WHEN THE ELECTRICITY GOES OUT,

WHO'D BE THE FIRST TO COMPLAIN
WHEN THE ELECTRICITY GOES OUT,
JANE?

WHEN THE ELECTRICITY GOES OUT,
JANE?
YOU AND YOUR HORDE OF

JANE?
YOU AND YOUR HORDE OF
PROMISCUOUS, ANTI-NUCLEAR

YOU AND YOUR HORDE OF
PROMISCUOUS, ANTI-NUCLEAR
HARPIES.

PROMISCUOUS, ANTI-NUCLEAR
HARPIES.
I CAN JUST SEE YOU NOW, SITTING

HARPIES.
I CAN JUST SEE YOU NOW, SITTING
ALONE IN YOUR DARKENED

I CAN JUST SEE YOU NOW, SITTING
ALONE IN YOUR DARKENED
APARTMENT, STARING FORLORNLY AT

ALONE IN YOUR DARKENED
APARTMENT, STARING FORLORNLY AT
YOUR NOW-USELESS VIBRATOR.

APARTMENT, STARING FORLORNLY AT
YOUR NOW-USELESS VIBRATOR.
YOU'LL BE HUMMING A DIFFERENT

YOUR NOW-USELESS VIBRATOR.
YOU'LL BE HUMMING A DIFFERENT
TUNE THEN, JANE.

YOU'LL BE HUMMING A DIFFERENT
TUNE THEN, JANE.
BUT LET'S... LET'S TALK ABOUT

TUNE THEN, JANE.
BUT LET'S... LET'S TALK ABOUT
RISKS FOR A MINUTE, JANE.

BUT LET'S... LET'S TALK ABOUT
RISKS FOR A MINUTE, JANE.
SURE, NUCLEAR POWER HAS RISKS,

RISKS FOR A MINUTE, JANE.
SURE, NUCLEAR POWER HAS RISKS,
EVEN THOUGH THERE HAS YET TO BE

SURE, NUCLEAR POWER HAS RISKS,
EVEN THOUGH THERE HAS YET TO BE
AN INDUSTRY-RELATED FATALITY.

EVEN THOUGH THERE HAS YET TO BE
AN INDUSTRY-RELATED FATALITY.
BUT EVEN SO, THIS IS NOT A

AN INDUSTRY-RELATED FATALITY.
BUT EVEN SO, THIS IS NOT A
RISK-FREE SOCIETY.

BUT EVEN SO, THIS IS NOT A
RISK-FREE SOCIETY.
WHERE'S YOUR LIBERAL COMPASSION

RISK-FREE SOCIETY.
WHERE'S YOUR LIBERAL COMPASSION
WHEN COAL MINERS DIE IN THE

WHERE'S YOUR LIBERAL COMPASSION
WHEN COAL MINERS DIE IN THE
MINES?

WHEN COAL MINERS DIE IN THE
MINES?
AND HOW ABOUT THE 50,000 A YEAR

MINES?
AND HOW ABOUT THE 50,000 A YEAR
KILLED ON OUR NATION'S HIGHWAYS?

AND HOW ABOUT THE 50,000 A YEAR
KILLED ON OUR NATION'S HIGHWAYS?
YOU UNDERGO A BIGGER RISK OF

KILLED ON OUR NATION'S HIGHWAYS?
YOU UNDERGO A BIGGER RISK OF
CANCER TAKING ONE OF YOUR

YOU UNDERGO A BIGGER RISK OF
CANCER TAKING ONE OF YOUR
BIRTH-CONTROL PILLS, JANE, THAN

CANCER TAKING ONE OF YOUR
BIRTH-CONTROL PILLS, JANE, THAN
YOU WOULD LIVING NEXT DOOR TO AN

BIRTH-CONTROL PILLS, JANE, THAN
YOU WOULD LIVING NEXT DOOR TO AN
ATOMIC PLANT, AND ALL FOR THE

YOU WOULD LIVING NEXT DOOR TO AN
ATOMIC PLANT, AND ALL FOR THE
CONVENIENCE OF HOPPING

ATOMIC PLANT, AND ALL FOR THE
CONVENIENCE OF HOPPING
INDISCRIMINATELY FROM BED TO BED

CONVENIENCE OF HOPPING
INDISCRIMINATELY FROM BED TO BED
WITH YOUR FELLOW NO-NUKE-NIKS.

INDISCRIMINATELY FROM BED TO BED
WITH YOUR FELLOW NO-NUKE-NIKS.
AS FOR THE WASTE PROBLEM, JANE,

WITH YOUR FELLOW NO-NUKE-NIKS.
AS FOR THE WASTE PROBLEM, JANE,
I FOR ONE HAVE CONFIDENCE IN

AS FOR THE WASTE PROBLEM, JANE,
I FOR ONE HAVE CONFIDENCE IN
GOOD OLD AMERICAN TECHNOLOGY.

I FOR ONE HAVE CONFIDENCE IN
GOOD OLD AMERICAN TECHNOLOGY.
YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND THE

GOOD OLD AMERICAN TECHNOLOGY.
YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND THE
SCIENTIFIC MIND.

YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND THE
SCIENTIFIC MIND.
LET US THANK GOD ALMIGHTY THAT

SCIENTIFIC MIND.
LET US THANK GOD ALMIGHTY THAT
THIS COUNTRY HAS DEDICATED,

LET US THANK GOD ALMIGHTY THAT
THIS COUNTRY HAS DEDICATED,
SOBER SCIENTISTS SOLVING OUR

THIS COUNTRY HAS DEDICATED,
SOBER SCIENTISTS SOLVING OUR
PROBLEMS THROUGH THE LONG

SOBER SCIENTISTS SOLVING OUR
PROBLEMS THROUGH THE LONG
NIGHTS, WHILE IGNORANT SLUTS

PROBLEMS THROUGH THE LONG
NIGHTS, WHILE IGNORANT SLUTS
LIKE YOURSELF WRITHE IN COITUS

NIGHTS, WHILE IGNORANT SLUTS
LIKE YOURSELF WRITHE IN COITUS
AT ANTI-NUCLEAR TOGA PARTIES.

LIKE YOURSELF WRITHE IN COITUS
AT ANTI-NUCLEAR TOGA PARTIES.
THANK YOU, DAN.

AT ANTI-NUCLEAR TOGA PARTIES.
THANK YOU, DAN.
IN A MOVE TO CONSERVE GASOLINE

THANK YOU, DAN.
IN A MOVE TO CONSERVE GASOLINE
DURING THE CURRENT OIL CRISIS,

IN A MOVE TO CONSERVE GASOLINE
DURING THE CURRENT OIL CRISIS,
THIS YEAR'S INDIANAPOLIS 500

DURING THE CURRENT OIL CRISIS,
THIS YEAR'S INDIANAPOLIS 500
WILL BE RUN ON FOOT BY DRIVERS

THIS YEAR'S INDIANAPOLIS 500
WILL BE RUN ON FOOT BY DRIVERS
WHO QUALIFY WITHOUT CARS.

WILL BE RUN ON FOOT BY DRIVERS
WHO QUALIFY WITHOUT CARS.
THE FAVORITES SO FAR THIS YEAR

WHO QUALIFY WITHOUT CARS.
THE FAVORITES SO FAR THIS YEAR
ARE BRUCE JENNER, ROBERT CONRAD,

THE FAVORITES SO FAR THIS YEAR
ARE BRUCE JENNER, ROBERT CONRAD,
AND KRISTY McNICOL.

ARE BRUCE JENNER, ROBERT CONRAD,
AND KRISTY McNICOL.
BILL?

AND KRISTY McNICOL.
BILL?
IN A RELATED STORY FROM THE

BILL?
IN A RELATED STORY FROM THE
RACING WORLD, TRAGEDY AT THE

IN A RELATED STORY FROM THE
RACING WORLD, TRAGEDY AT THE
PREAKNESS THIS AFTERNOON, AS

RACING WORLD, TRAGEDY AT THE
PREAKNESS THIS AFTERNOON, AS
3-YEAR-OLD FILLY FRAGRANT STOOL,

PREAKNESS THIS AFTERNOON, AS
3-YEAR-OLD FILLY FRAGRANT STOOL,
THE PRIDE OF

3-YEAR-OLD FILLY FRAGRANT STOOL,
THE PRIDE OF
MEADOW MUFFIN FARMS, COLLAPSED

THE PRIDE OF
MEADOW MUFFIN FARMS, COLLAPSED
AND DIED AS IT ROUNDED THE FIRST

MEADOW MUFFIN FARMS, COLLAPSED
AND DIED AS IT ROUNDED THE FIRST
TURN.

AND DIED AS IT ROUNDED THE FIRST
TURN.
BEWILDERED TRACK OFFICIALS HAD

TURN.
BEWILDERED TRACK OFFICIALS HAD
NO EXPLANATION FOR THIS

BEWILDERED TRACK OFFICIALS HAD
NO EXPLANATION FOR THIS
UNFORTUNATE OCCURRENCE BUT WERE

NO EXPLANATION FOR THIS
UNFORTUNATE OCCURRENCE BUT WERE
THANKFUL THAT JOCKEY

UNFORTUNATE OCCURRENCE BUT WERE
THANKFUL THAT JOCKEY
ANGEL DIARIO WAS UNHARMED.

THANKFUL THAT JOCKEY
ANGEL DIARIO WAS UNHARMED.
A DESPONDENT DIARIO LATER SAID,

ANGEL DIARIO WAS UNHARMED.
A DESPONDENT DIARIO LATER SAID,
"I LOVE THAT HORSE.

A DESPONDENT DIARIO LATER SAID,
"I LOVE THAT HORSE.
I'M HAVING IT FOR DINNER

"I LOVE THAT HORSE.
I'M HAVING IT FOR DINNER
TONIGHT."

I'M HAVING IT FOR DINNER
TONIGHT."
JANE?

TONIGHT."
JANE?
AND NOW, FOR A REPORT ON

JANE?
AND NOW, FOR A REPORT ON
SKYLAB AND ITS UPCOMING RE-ENTRY

AND NOW, FOR A REPORT ON
SKYLAB AND ITS UPCOMING RE-ENTRY
AND FALL TO EARTH, HERE IS

SKYLAB AND ITS UPCOMING RE-ENTRY
AND FALL TO EARTH, HERE IS
"WEEKEND UPDATE'S" SCIENCE

AND FALL TO EARTH, HERE IS
"WEEKEND UPDATE'S" SCIENCE
EDITOR, JOHN BELUSHI.

"WEEKEND UPDATE'S" SCIENCE
EDITOR, JOHN BELUSHI.
THANK YOU, JANE. THANK YOU.

EDITOR, JOHN BELUSHI.
THANK YOU, JANE. THANK YOU.
WELL, THE LATEST REPORTS FROM

THANK YOU, JANE. THANK YOU.
WELL, THE LATEST REPORTS FROM
NASA SAY THAT THE SKYLAB SPACE

WELL, THE LATEST REPORTS FROM
NASA SAY THAT THE SKYLAB SPACE
STATION WILL FALL TO EARTH

NASA SAY THAT THE SKYLAB SPACE
STATION WILL FALL TO EARTH
AROUND THE END OF JUNE.

STATION WILL FALL TO EARTH
AROUND THE END OF JUNE.
NOW, MANY PEOPLE ARE CONCERNED

AROUND THE END OF JUNE.
NOW, MANY PEOPLE ARE CONCERNED
THAT THE DEBRIS MIGHT POSE A

NOW, MANY PEOPLE ARE CONCERNED
THAT THE DEBRIS MIGHT POSE A
SAFETY HAZARD.

THAT THE DEBRIS MIGHT POSE A
SAFETY HAZARD.
BUT THIS IS REALLY A PARANOID

SAFETY HAZARD.
BUT THIS IS REALLY A PARANOID
NOTION FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE

BUT THIS IS REALLY A PARANOID
NOTION FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE
UNINFORMED.

NOTION FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE
UNINFORMED.
I'VE BEEN READING UP ON THIS,

UNINFORMED.
I'VE BEEN READING UP ON THIS,
AND ACCORDING TO THE EXPERTS WHO

I'VE BEEN READING UP ON THIS,
AND ACCORDING TO THE EXPERTS WHO
BUILT THIS THING, THE ODDS ARE

AND ACCORDING TO THE EXPERTS WHO
BUILT THIS THING, THE ODDS ARE
1 IN 150 THAT SOME PERSON MAY

BUILT THIS THING, THE ODDS ARE
1 IN 150 THAT SOME PERSON MAY
BE TORN TO SHREDS BY A HUNK OF

1 IN 150 THAT SOME PERSON MAY
BE TORN TO SHREDS BY A HUNK OF
BLAZING METAL.

BE TORN TO SHREDS BY A HUNK OF
BLAZING METAL.
I READ ANOTHER ARTICLE THAT SAID

BLAZING METAL.
I READ ANOTHER ARTICLE THAT SAID
THAT THERE'S AN ORGANIZATION WHO

I READ ANOTHER ARTICLE THAT SAID
THAT THERE'S AN ORGANIZATION WHO
CALL THEMSELVES THE

THAT THERE'S AN ORGANIZATION WHO
CALL THEMSELVES THE
CHICKEN LITTLE SOCIETY WHO SAY

CALL THEMSELVES THE
CHICKEN LITTLE SOCIETY WHO SAY
THAT IF SKYLAB HITS THE

CHICKEN LITTLE SOCIETY WHO SAY
THAT IF SKYLAB HITS THE
WORLD TRADE CENTER, IT WOULD

THAT IF SKYLAB HITS THE
WORLD TRADE CENTER, IT WOULD
KNOCK IT OVER.

WORLD TRADE CENTER, IT WOULD
KNOCK IT OVER.
[LAUGHS]

KNOCK IT OVER.
[LAUGHS]
NOW, THAT'S A SPECTACULAR

[LAUGHS]
NOW, THAT'S A SPECTACULAR
FANTASY, BUT NOT SOMETHING THAT

NOW, THAT'S A SPECTACULAR
FANTASY, BUT NOT SOMETHING THAT
A KNOWLEDGEABLE MAN WOULD WORRY

FANTASY, BUT NOT SOMETHING THAT
A KNOWLEDGEABLE MAN WOULD WORRY
ABOUT.

A KNOWLEDGEABLE MAN WOULD WORRY
ABOUT.
AFTER ALL, IT'S ONLY 118 FEET

ABOUT.
AFTER ALL, IT'S ONLY 118 FEET
LONG AND WEIGHTS 77 1/2 TONS.

AFTER ALL, IT'S ONLY 118 FEET
LONG AND WEIGHTS 77 1/2 TONS.
BUT DON'T WORRY.

LONG AND WEIGHTS 77 1/2 TONS.
BUT DON'T WORRY.
IT'S NOT AS IF YOU'D BE STANDING

BUT DON'T WORRY.
IT'S NOT AS IF YOU'D BE STANDING
THERE AND GET HIT BY THIS THING

IT'S NOT AS IF YOU'D BE STANDING
THERE AND GET HIT BY THIS THING
THE SIZE OF A HOUSE.

THERE AND GET HIT BY THIS THING
THE SIZE OF A HOUSE.
OH, NO, DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT.

THE SIZE OF A HOUSE.
OH, NO, DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT.
YOU SEE, WHEN THIS THING STARTS

OH, NO, DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT.
YOU SEE, WHEN THIS THING STARTS
BURNING UP, IT'S SUPPOSED TO

YOU SEE, WHEN THIS THING STARTS
BURNING UP, IT'S SUPPOSED TO
BREAK UP INTO 500 PIECES.

BURNING UP, IT'S SUPPOSED TO
BREAK UP INTO 500 PIECES.
NOW, GET THIS.

BREAK UP INTO 500 PIECES.
NOW, GET THIS.
UH, "THE BIGGEST PIECES TO REACH

NOW, GET THIS.
UH, "THE BIGGEST PIECES TO REACH
THE GROUND WILL BE A 5,100-POUND

UH, "THE BIGGEST PIECES TO REACH
THE GROUND WILL BE A 5,100-POUND
AIR-LOCK SHROUD, A 3,900-POUND

THE GROUND WILL BE A 5,100-POUND
AIR-LOCK SHROUD, A 3,900-POUND
LEAD-LINED FILM VAULT, AND THEY

AIR-LOCK SHROUD, A 3,900-POUND
LEAD-LINED FILM VAULT, AND THEY
WILL BE TRAVELING AT 400 FEET

LEAD-LINED FILM VAULT, AND THEY
WILL BE TRAVELING AT 400 FEET
PER SECOND ON IMPACT."

WILL BE TRAVELING AT 400 FEET
PER SECOND ON IMPACT."
HEY, NO PROBLEM.

PER SECOND ON IMPACT."
HEY, NO PROBLEM.
NO DANGER THERE, HUH?

HEY, NO PROBLEM.
NO DANGER THERE, HUH?
OH.

NO DANGER THERE, HUH?
OH.
OF COURSE, SOMEONE MIGHT GET

OH.
OF COURSE, SOMEONE MIGHT GET
HURT.

OF COURSE, SOMEONE MIGHT GET
HURT.
SOMEONE COULD BE, UH, YOU KNOW,

HURT.
SOMEONE COULD BE, UH, YOU KNOW,
HUDDLING IN HIS BASEMENT WITH A

SOMEONE COULD BE, UH, YOU KNOW,
HUDDLING IN HIS BASEMENT WITH A
HELMET ON, AND THREE TONS OF

HUDDLING IN HIS BASEMENT WITH A
HELMET ON, AND THREE TONS OF
SIZZLING STEEL COULD CRUSH HIM

HELMET ON, AND THREE TONS OF
SIZZLING STEEL COULD CRUSH HIM
LIKE AN ANT.

SIZZLING STEEL COULD CRUSH HIM
LIKE AN ANT.
SO MAYBE YOU'RE THINKING, "I

LIKE AN ANT.
SO MAYBE YOU'RE THINKING, "I
KNOW THIS IS SILLY, BUT, UH, I

SO MAYBE YOU'RE THINKING, "I
KNOW THIS IS SILLY, BUT, UH, I
DON'T WANT TO BE THERE WHEN THIS

KNOW THIS IS SILLY, BUT, UH, I
DON'T WANT TO BE THERE WHEN THIS
STUFF HITS, OKAY?

DON'T WANT TO BE THERE WHEN THIS
STUFF HITS, OKAY?
SO WHERE CAN I GO?

STUFF HITS, OKAY?
SO WHERE CAN I GO?
SOUTH AMERICA? ALASKA?

SO WHERE CAN I GO?
SOUTH AMERICA? ALASKA?
MALIBU? MILL VALLEY?"

SOUTH AMERICA? ALASKA?
MALIBU? MILL VALLEY?"
YOU KNOW? BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

MALIBU? MILL VALLEY?"
YOU KNOW? BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
THEY HAVE NO IDEA.

YOU KNOW? BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
THEY HAVE NO IDEA.
WHEN THIS THING HITS THE DENSE

THEY HAVE NO IDEA.
WHEN THIS THING HITS THE DENSE
PART OF OUR ATMOSPHERE, IT'S

WHEN THIS THING HITS THE DENSE
PART OF OUR ATMOSPHERE, IT'S
GONNA SKIP AROUND LIKE THIS.

PART OF OUR ATMOSPHERE, IT'S
GONNA SKIP AROUND LIKE THIS.
[IMITATES ENGINE HUMMING]

GONNA SKIP AROUND LIKE THIS.
[IMITATES ENGINE HUMMING]
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

[IMITATES ENGINE HUMMING]
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE IT'S

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE IT'S
GONNA FALL!

THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE IT'S
GONNA FALL!
BUT, YOU KNOW... BUT THEY KNOW

GONNA FALL!
BUT, YOU KNOW... BUT THEY KNOW
THAT 500 PIECES WILL BE SPREAD

BUT, YOU KNOW... BUT THEY KNOW
THAT 500 PIECES WILL BE SPREAD
OUT IN A PATH 4,000 MILES LONG

THAT 500 PIECES WILL BE SPREAD
OUT IN A PATH 4,000 MILES LONG
AND 100 MILES WIDE.

OUT IN A PATH 4,000 MILES LONG
AND 100 MILES WIDE.
WHOA, HERE COMES SKYLAB.

AND 100 MILES WIDE.
WHOA, HERE COMES SKYLAB.
WHOO, WHOO!

WHOA, HERE COMES SKYLAB.
WHOO, WHOO!
UH-OH!

WHOO, WHOO!
UH-OH!
THERE'S A FISHERMAN THERE.

UH-OH!
THERE'S A FISHERMAN THERE.
HE'S IN HIS BOAT.

THERE'S A FISHERMAN THERE.
HE'S IN HIS BOAT.
WHOA!

HE'S IN HIS BOAT.
WHOA!
K-K-K-K! AAH!

WHOA!
K-K-K-K! AAH!
OH, IT'S SMASHED TO PIECES.

K-K-K-K! AAH!
OH, IT'S SMASHED TO PIECES.
YAY.

OH, IT'S SMASHED TO PIECES.
YAY.
LOOK OUT.

YAY.
LOOK OUT.
THERE'S MOM AND DAD AT THE ZOO.

LOOK OUT.
THERE'S MOM AND DAD AT THE ZOO.
"OH, AREN'T THOSE BEARS FUNNY?"

THERE'S MOM AND DAD AT THE ZOO.
"OH, AREN'T THOSE BEARS FUNNY?"
K-K-K-K! AAH!

"OH, AREN'T THOSE BEARS FUNNY?"
K-K-K-K! AAH!
OH, NOW THEY'RE LIKE GUM ON THE

K-K-K-K! AAH!
OH, NOW THEY'RE LIKE GUM ON THE
BOTTOM OF SOMEBODY'S SHOE.

OH, NOW THEY'RE LIKE GUM ON THE
BOTTOM OF SOMEBODY'S SHOE.
HEY, HERE'S JOHN BELUSHI IN HIS

BOTTOM OF SOMEBODY'S SHOE.
HEY, HERE'S JOHN BELUSHI IN HIS
APARTMENT IN NEW YORK.

HEY, HERE'S JOHN BELUSHI IN HIS
APARTMENT IN NEW YORK.
YEAH, HE'S NOT WORRIED ABOUT

APARTMENT IN NEW YORK.
YEAH, HE'S NOT WORRIED ABOUT
SKYLAB, NO.

YEAH, HE'S NOT WORRIED ABOUT
SKYLAB, NO.
K-K-K-K! K-K-K-K! K-K-K-K!

SKYLAB, NO.
K-K-K-K! K-K-K-K! K-K-K-K!
K-K-K-K! K-K-K-K!

K-K-K-K! K-K-K-K! K-K-K-K!
K-K-K-K! K-K-K-K!
THAT'S SILLY! YOU KNOW?

K-K-K-K! K-K-K-K!
THAT'S SILLY! YOU KNOW?
I MEAN, WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

THAT'S SILLY! YOU KNOW?
I MEAN, WHAT DO YOU KNOW?
YOU KNOW, I'M... I'M SIZZLING

I MEAN, WHAT DO YOU KNOW?
YOU KNOW, I'M... I'M SIZZLING
LIKE A PIZZA UNDER THE TWO-TON

YOU KNOW, I'M... I'M SIZZLING
LIKE A PIZZA UNDER THE TWO-TON
LEAD FILM VAULT.

LIKE A PIZZA UNDER THE TWO-TON
LEAD FILM VAULT.
BUT DO I HAVE ANY REASON TO

LEAD FILM VAULT.
BUT DO I HAVE ANY REASON TO
WORRY OR BE AFRAID?

BUT DO I HAVE ANY REASON TO
WORRY OR BE AFRAID?
THE GOVERNMENT TAKES 50% OF MY

WORRY OR BE AFRAID?
THE GOVERNMENT TAKES 50% OF MY
MONEY THAT I EARN EVERY YEAR!

THE GOVERNMENT TAKES 50% OF MY
MONEY THAT I EARN EVERY YEAR!
THEY COULD BE SPENDING IT ON

MONEY THAT I EARN EVERY YEAR!
THEY COULD BE SPENDING IT ON
MASS TRANSIT, SOLAR ENERGY,

THEY COULD BE SPENDING IT ON
MASS TRANSIT, SOLAR ENERGY,
CLEAN UP THE ENVIRONMENT.

MASS TRANSIT, SOLAR ENERGY,
CLEAN UP THE ENVIRONMENT.
BUT N-O-O-O-O!

CLEAN UP THE ENVIRONMENT.
BUT N-O-O-O-O!
N-O-O-O-O!

BUT N-O-O-O-O!
N-O-O-O-O!
THEY HAVE TO SPEND MILLIONS

N-O-O-O-O!
THEY HAVE TO SPEND MILLIONS
SENDING UP HUGE CHUNKS OF STEEL

THEY HAVE TO SPEND MILLIONS
SENDING UP HUGE CHUNKS OF STEEL
SO THEY CAN SCREAM BACK TO EARTH

SENDING UP HUGE CHUNKS OF STEEL
SO THEY CAN SCREAM BACK TO EARTH
AND MAYBE KILL INNOCENT PEOPLE!

SO THEY CAN SCREAM BACK TO EARTH
AND MAYBE KILL INNOCENT PEOPLE!
AAH! AAH!

AND MAYBE KILL INNOCENT PEOPLE!
AAH! AAH!
THAT'S THE NEWS.

AAH! AAH!
THAT'S THE NEWS.
GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT

THAT'S THE NEWS.
GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT
TOMORROW.

♪ ...OF MY CLOUD ♪
♪ UH, HEY, YOU ♪
♪ GET OFF OF MY CLOUD ♪

♪ UH, HEY, YOU ♪
♪ GET OFF OF MY CLOUD ♪
♪ UH, HEY, YOU ♪

♪ GET OFF OF MY CLOUD ♪
♪ UH, HEY, YOU ♪
♪ GET O-O-FF MY CLOUD ♪

♪ UH, HEY, YOU ♪
♪ GET O-O-FF MY CLOUD ♪
AND STAY OFF.

♪ GET O-O-FF MY CLOUD ♪
AND STAY OFF.
[LAUGHS]

AND STAY OFF.
[LAUGHS]
THANK YOU.

[LAUGHS]
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, AND WELCOME TO

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, AND WELCOME TO
TRANSEASTERN'S V.I.P. LOUNGE,

THANK YOU, AND WELCOME TO
TRANSEASTERN'S V.I.P. LOUNGE,
THE V.I.P. HERE AT O'HARE

TRANSEASTERN'S V.I.P. LOUNGE,
THE V.I.P. HERE AT O'HARE
INTERNATIONAL, A GOOD PLACE

THE V.I.P. HERE AT O'HARE
INTERNATIONAL, A GOOD PLACE
WHERE THE SPECIAL PEOPLE GET THE

INTERNATIONAL, A GOOD PLACE
WHERE THE SPECIAL PEOPLE GET THE
OTHER PEOPLE OFF OF THEIR CLOUD.

WHERE THE SPECIAL PEOPLE GET THE
OTHER PEOPLE OFF OF THEIR CLOUD.
YOU KNOW, FOR A LOT OF US, IT'S

OTHER PEOPLE OFF OF THEIR CLOUD.
YOU KNOW, FOR A LOT OF US, IT'S
EVEN ESSENTIAL TO KEEP THE

YOU KNOW, FOR A LOT OF US, IT'S
EVEN ESSENTIAL TO KEEP THE
ADORING HORDES FROM RIPPING THE

EVEN ESSENTIAL TO KEEP THE
ADORING HORDES FROM RIPPING THE
SHIRTS OFF OUR BACKS.

ADORING HORDES FROM RIPPING THE
SHIRTS OFF OUR BACKS.
NOW, WE USUALLY DON'T DO THIS.

SHIRTS OFF OUR BACKS.
NOW, WE USUALLY DON'T DO THIS.
BUT IN THIS CASE, I HAVE TO.

NOW, WE USUALLY DON'T DO THIS.
BUT IN THIS CASE, I HAVE TO.
WE SEE A LOT OF CELEBRITIES HERE

BUT IN THIS CASE, I HAVE TO.
WE SEE A LOT OF CELEBRITIES HERE
IN THE V.I.P., BUT THIS ONE IS

WE SEE A LOT OF CELEBRITIES HERE
IN THE V.I.P., BUT THIS ONE IS
PEARLIE MAE.

IN THE V.I.P., BUT THIS ONE IS
PEARLIE MAE.
MISS PEARL BAILEY, LADIES AND

PEARLIE MAE.
MISS PEARL BAILEY, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN.

MISS PEARL BAILEY, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN.
MISS PEARL BAILEY OF THE

GENTLEMEN.
MISS PEARL BAILEY OF THE
UNITED NATIONS.

MISS PEARL BAILEY OF THE
UNITED NATIONS.
HELLO, PEARL.

UNITED NATIONS.
HELLO, PEARL.
HELLO, HONEY.

HELLO, PEARL.
HELLO, HONEY.
YOU'RE VERY SWEET.

HELLO, HONEY.
YOU'RE VERY SWEET.
LET ME TAKE A WILD STAB...

YOU'RE VERY SWEET.
LET ME TAKE A WILD STAB...
KURT WALDHEIM OF THE U.N. HAS

LET ME TAKE A WILD STAB...
KURT WALDHEIM OF THE U.N. HAS
ASKED YOU TO GO TO THE

KURT WALDHEIM OF THE U.N. HAS
ASKED YOU TO GO TO THE
MIDDLE EAST.

ASKED YOU TO GO TO THE
MIDDLE EAST.
IS THAT IT?

MIDDLE EAST.
IS THAT IT?
OH, NO, NO, HONEY, I'M GOING

IS THAT IT?
OH, NO, NO, HONEY, I'M GOING
TO NEW YORK TO DO

OH, NO, NO, HONEY, I'M GOING
TO NEW YORK TO DO
"THE STANLEY SIEGEL SHOW,"

TO NEW YORK TO DO
"THE STANLEY SIEGEL SHOW,"
HONEY.

"THE STANLEY SIEGEL SHOW,"
HONEY.
BUT I AM RUNNING ALL OVER THE

HONEY.
BUT I AM RUNNING ALL OVER THE
WORLD, ALL OVER THE WORLD,

BUT I AM RUNNING ALL OVER THE
WORLD, ALL OVER THE WORLD,
HONEY, FOR THE U.N., TRYING TO

WORLD, ALL OVER THE WORLD,
HONEY, FOR THE U.N., TRYING TO
GET EVERYBODY TO JUST LOVE ONE

HONEY, FOR THE U.N., TRYING TO
GET EVERYBODY TO JUST LOVE ONE
ANOTHER.

GET EVERYBODY TO JUST LOVE ONE
ANOTHER.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

ANOTHER.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
BLESS YOU, PEARLIE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
BLESS YOU, PEARLIE.
WHO IS YOUR FRIEND?

BLESS YOU, PEARLIE.
WHO IS YOUR FRIEND?
OH, HI. I'M MRS. BOB HOPE.

WHO IS YOUR FRIEND?
OH, HI. I'M MRS. BOB HOPE.
OH, MY GOSH, WHAT A PLEASURE,

OH, HI. I'M MRS. BOB HOPE.
OH, MY GOSH, WHAT A PLEASURE,
BOB.

OH, MY GOSH, WHAT A PLEASURE,
BOB.
IT IS A REAL HONOR TO MEET YOU,

BOB.
IT IS A REAL HONOR TO MEET YOU,
MA'AM.

IT IS A REAL HONOR TO MEET YOU,
MA'AM.
ARE YOU HEADING FOR THE SIEGEL

MA'AM.
ARE YOU HEADING FOR THE SIEGEL
SHOW, TOO?

ARE YOU HEADING FOR THE SIEGEL
SHOW, TOO?
WELL, THAT'S RIGHT, NICK, BUT

SHOW, TOO?
WELL, THAT'S RIGHT, NICK, BUT
I'M JUST GOING TO WATCH.

WELL, THAT'S RIGHT, NICK, BUT
I'M JUST GOING TO WATCH.
THAT'S A LITTLE BIT KINKY,

I'M JUST GOING TO WATCH.
THAT'S A LITTLE BIT KINKY,
BUT IT'S ALL RIGHT WITH ME.

THAT'S A LITTLE BIT KINKY,
BUT IT'S ALL RIGHT WITH ME.
IS THAT ALL YOU'RE GONNA DO IN

BUT IT'S ALL RIGHT WITH ME.
IS THAT ALL YOU'RE GONNA DO IN
NEW YORK?

IS THAT ALL YOU'RE GONNA DO IN
NEW YORK?
NO, NO.

NEW YORK?
NO, NO.
ON MONDAY, I'LL BE JOINING BOB

NO, NO.
ON MONDAY, I'LL BE JOINING BOB
AND JOEY HEATHERTON AND

ON MONDAY, I'LL BE JOINING BOB
AND JOEY HEATHERTON AND
ANDREA MIKOLAS, THE NEW MISS

AND JOEY HEATHERTON AND
ANDREA MIKOLAS, THE NEW MISS
WORLD, AND JACK JONES FOR A LATE

ANDREA MIKOLAS, THE NEW MISS
WORLD, AND JACK JONES FOR A LATE
LUNCH.

WORLD, AND JACK JONES FOR A LATE
LUNCH.
THAT IS TERRIFIC.

LUNCH.
THAT IS TERRIFIC.
♪ THANKS, MRS. HOPE, FOR THE

THAT IS TERRIFIC.
♪ THANKS, MRS. HOPE, FOR THE
MEMORIES ♪

♪ THANKS, MRS. HOPE, FOR THE
MEMORIES ♪
GO AHEAD. FINISH IT, WOULD YOU?

MEMORIES ♪
GO AHEAD. FINISH IT, WOULD YOU?
IT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE SONGS.

GO AHEAD. FINISH IT, WOULD YOU?
IT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE SONGS.
I LOVE THAT SONG.

IT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE SONGS.
I LOVE THAT SONG.
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL SONG.

I LOVE THAT SONG.
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL SONG.
SIT BACK AND COOL OFF A LITTLE

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL SONG.
SIT BACK AND COOL OFF A LITTLE
BIT, OKAY, PEARLIE?

SIT BACK AND COOL OFF A LITTLE
BIT, OKAY, PEARLIE?
HONEY, MY BRAIN IS BOILING

BIT, OKAY, PEARLIE?
HONEY, MY BRAIN IS BOILING
OVER, BUT MY FEET ARE KILLING

HONEY, MY BRAIN IS BOILING
OVER, BUT MY FEET ARE KILLING
ME.

OVER, BUT MY FEET ARE KILLING
ME.
♪ YOU'LL NEVER BE ANYONE'S

ME.
♪ YOU'LL NEVER BE ANYONE'S
BEAST OF BURDEN, PEARLIE ♪

♪ YOU'LL NEVER BE ANYONE'S
BEAST OF BURDEN, PEARLIE ♪
♪ I KNOW YOU'VE WALKED FOR MILES

BEAST OF BURDEN, PEARLIE ♪
♪ I KNOW YOU'VE WALKED FOR MILES
AND YOUR POOCHES ARE HURTING

♪ I KNOW YOU'VE WALKED FOR MILES
AND YOUR POOCHES ARE HURTING
YOU, PEARLIE MAE ♪

AND YOUR POOCHES ARE HURTING
YOU, PEARLIE MAE ♪
♪ ALL THAT YOU WANT IS FOR SOME

YOU, PEARLIE MAE ♪
♪ ALL THAT YOU WANT IS FOR SOME
PEOPLE TO MAKE LOVE ♪

♪ ALL THAT YOU WANT IS FOR SOME
PEOPLE TO MAKE LOVE ♪
♪ TO OTHER PEOPLE ♪

PEOPLE TO MAKE LOVE ♪
♪ TO OTHER PEOPLE ♪
MISS PEARL BAILEY OF THE

♪ TO OTHER PEOPLE ♪
MISS PEARL BAILEY OF THE
UNITED NATIONS, THE INCREDIBLE,

MISS PEARL BAILEY OF THE
UNITED NATIONS, THE INCREDIBLE,
INCREDIBLE PERFORMER.

UNITED NATIONS, THE INCREDIBLE,
INCREDIBLE PERFORMER.
FLIGHT 362 TO NEWARK IS NOW

INCREDIBLE PERFORMER.
FLIGHT 362 TO NEWARK IS NOW
IN ITS FINAL BOARDING STAGE AT

FLIGHT 362 TO NEWARK IS NOW
IN ITS FINAL BOARDING STAGE AT
GATE 13.

IN ITS FINAL BOARDING STAGE AT
GATE 13.
HOPE NOBODY MISSED THAT ONE.

GATE 13.
HOPE NOBODY MISSED THAT ONE.
OH, PHOEBE SNOW. PHOEBE SNOW.

HOPE NOBODY MISSED THAT ONE.
OH, PHOEBE SNOW. PHOEBE SNOW.
DO YOU SEE HER? PHOEBE SNOW.

OH, PHOEBE SNOW. PHOEBE SNOW.
DO YOU SEE HER? PHOEBE SNOW.
[CHUCKLES]

DO YOU SEE HER? PHOEBE SNOW.
[CHUCKLES]
THAT'S HER... PHOEBE SNOW.

[CHUCKLES]
THAT'S HER... PHOEBE SNOW.
HELLO, V.I.P.

THAT'S HER... PHOEBE SNOW.
HELLO, V.I.P.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

HELLO, V.I.P.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
WHAT DO YOU DO?

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
WHAT DO YOU DO?
I'M BRETT MITTLAN.

WHAT DO YOU DO?
I'M BRETT MITTLAN.
I'M VICE PRESIDENT OF WISCONSIN

I'M BRETT MITTLAN.
I'M VICE PRESIDENT OF WISCONSIN
NIPPON INSTRUMENTS.

I'M VICE PRESIDENT OF WISCONSIN
NIPPON INSTRUMENTS.
GREAT.

NIPPON INSTRUMENTS.
GREAT.
AND WHO IS YOUR FRIEND HERE?

GREAT.
AND WHO IS YOUR FRIEND HERE?
WELL, THIS IS MY OSAKA

AND WHO IS YOUR FRIEND HERE?
WELL, THIS IS MY OSAKA
PARTNER, MR. YOSH.

WELL, THIS IS MY OSAKA
PARTNER, MR. YOSH.
JOSH YOSH.

PARTNER, MR. YOSH.
JOSH YOSH.
HI, NICE TO MEET YOU,

JOSH YOSH.
HI, NICE TO MEET YOU,
MR. YOSH.

HI, NICE TO MEET YOU,
MR. YOSH.
MR. YOSH DOESN'T SPEAK

MR. YOSH.
MR. YOSH DOESN'T SPEAK
ENGLISH AS YET.

MR. YOSH DOESN'T SPEAK
ENGLISH AS YET.
WELL, HE IS STILL A V.I.P.

ENGLISH AS YET.
WELL, HE IS STILL A V.I.P.
HOW DO YOU TWO COMMUNICATE?

WELL, HE IS STILL A V.I.P.
HOW DO YOU TWO COMMUNICATE?
WELL, THIS IS THE LATEST IN

HOW DO YOU TWO COMMUNICATE?
WELL, THIS IS THE LATEST IN
SILICON MICROCHIP TECHNOLOGY.

WELL, THIS IS THE LATEST IN
SILICON MICROCHIP TECHNOLOGY.
IT'S A LEXICON POCKET-COMPUTER

SILICON MICROCHIP TECHNOLOGY.
IT'S A LEXICON POCKET-COMPUTER
TRANSLATOR.

IT'S A LEXICON POCKET-COMPUTER
TRANSLATOR.
IT AUTOMATICALLY TRANSLATES 250

TRANSLATOR.
IT AUTOMATICALLY TRANSLATES 250
COMMON WORDS FROM ENGLISH TO

IT AUTOMATICALLY TRANSLATES 250
COMMON WORDS FROM ENGLISH TO
JAP.

COMMON WORDS FROM ENGLISH TO
JAP.
MM-HMM.

JAP.
MM-HMM.
HOW WOULD YOU SAY IN JAPANESE,

MM-HMM.
HOW WOULD YOU SAY IN JAPANESE,
SAY, "UNDERWEAR"?

HOW WOULD YOU SAY IN JAPANESE,
SAY, "UNDERWEAR"?
ALL RIGHT, WELL, YOU JUST

SAY, "UNDERWEAR"?
ALL RIGHT, WELL, YOU JUST
PUNCH IT IN HERE.

ALL RIGHT, WELL, YOU JUST
PUNCH IT IN HERE.
U-N-D-E-R-W-E-A-R.

PUNCH IT IN HERE.
U-N-D-E-R-W-E-A-R.
E-A-R, AND YOU PUNCH THE

U-N-D-E-R-W-E-A-R.
E-A-R, AND YOU PUNCH THE
EQUAL SIGN AND...

E-A-R, AND YOU PUNCH THE
EQUAL SIGN AND...
[LAUGHS]

EQUAL SIGN AND...
[LAUGHS]
BLESS YOU.

[LAUGHS]
BLESS YOU.
YOU GOT TO WORK WITH THIS GUY

BLESS YOU.
YOU GOT TO WORK WITH THIS GUY
TO KNOW WHAT A ZANE HE IS, YOU

YOU GOT TO WORK WITH THIS GUY
TO KNOW WHAT A ZANE HE IS, YOU
KNOW?

TO KNOW WHAT A ZANE HE IS, YOU
KNOW?
[LAUGHS]

KNOW?
[LAUGHS]
WELL, THIS ONE'S FOR YOU,

[LAUGHS]
WELL, THIS ONE'S FOR YOU,
MR. YOSH.

WELL, THIS ONE'S FOR YOU,
MR. YOSH.
[SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

ROCK 'N' ROLL COUNTRY.
HEY!
GEE WHIZ, GALS. WHAT THE HECK?

HEY!
GEE WHIZ, GALS. WHAT THE HECK?
WHY IS THIS TABLE SO SOBER?

GEE WHIZ, GALS. WHAT THE HECK?
WHY IS THIS TABLE SO SOBER?
WE DON'T DRINK TO GET DRUNK.

WHY IS THIS TABLE SO SOBER?
WE DON'T DRINK TO GET DRUNK.
NICE TO HAVE YOU HERE.

WE DON'T DRINK TO GET DRUNK.
NICE TO HAVE YOU HERE.
MISS STEINEM, ISN'T IT?

NICE TO HAVE YOU HERE.
MISS STEINEM, ISN'T IT?
NO, I'M NOT GLORIA STEINEM,

MISS STEINEM, ISN'T IT?
NO, I'M NOT GLORIA STEINEM,
BUT I'VE WORKED WITH HER BEFORE.

NO, I'M NOT GLORIA STEINEM,
BUT I'VE WORKED WITH HER BEFORE.
IN FACT, WE'RE ON OUR WAY TO A

BUT I'VE WORKED WITH HER BEFORE.
IN FACT, WE'RE ON OUR WAY TO A
NATIONAL WOMEN'S POLITICAL

IN FACT, WE'RE ON OUR WAY TO A
NATIONAL WOMEN'S POLITICAL
CAUCUS IN NEW HAVEN,

NATIONAL WOMEN'S POLITICAL
CAUCUS IN NEW HAVEN,
CONNECTICUT.

CAUCUS IN NEW HAVEN,
CONNECTICUT.
IS THAT SO?

CONNECTICUT.
IS THAT SO?
UM, THAT'S RIGHT.

IS THAT SO?
UM, THAT'S RIGHT.
ABOUT 1,500 WOMEN FROM ALL OVER

UM, THAT'S RIGHT.
ABOUT 1,500 WOMEN FROM ALL OVER
THE UNITED STATES WILL BE

ABOUT 1,500 WOMEN FROM ALL OVER
THE UNITED STATES WILL BE
DRAFTING PROPOSALS TO RATIFY THE

THE UNITED STATES WILL BE
DRAFTING PROPOSALS TO RATIFY THE
E.R.A. IN THE UNITED STATES AND

DRAFTING PROPOSALS TO RATIFY THE
E.R.A. IN THE UNITED STATES AND
THEN THE WORLD.

E.R.A. IN THE UNITED STATES AND
THEN THE WORLD.
WAIT A MINUTE.

THEN THE WORLD.
WAIT A MINUTE.
1,500 WOMEN IN ONE PLACE?

WAIT A MINUTE.
1,500 WOMEN IN ONE PLACE?
I THINK EVEN NICK WINGS COULD

1,500 WOMEN IN ONE PLACE?
I THINK EVEN NICK WINGS COULD
SCORE, HUH?

I THINK EVEN NICK WINGS COULD
SCORE, HUH?
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?

SCORE, HUH?
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?
I WOULDN'T BET ON IT.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?
I WOULDN'T BET ON IT.
AND TAKE THAT OBNOXIOUS THING

I WOULDN'T BET ON IT.
AND TAKE THAT OBNOXIOUS THING
OUT OF MY FACE.

AND TAKE THAT OBNOXIOUS THING
OUT OF MY FACE.
THANKS, OKAY.

OUT OF MY FACE.
THANKS, OKAY.
WELL, THIS ONE IS FOR THE

THANKS, OKAY.
WELL, THIS ONE IS FOR THE
PERSONS AT THIS TABLE.

WELL, THIS ONE IS FOR THE
PERSONS AT THIS TABLE.
♪ THANK HEAVEN FOR LITTLE

PERSONS AT THIS TABLE.
♪ THANK HEAVEN FOR LITTLE
GIRLS ♪

♪ THANK HEAVEN FOR LITTLE
GIRLS ♪
♪ 'CAUSE LITTLE GIRLS ♪

GIRLS ♪
♪ 'CAUSE LITTLE GIRLS ♪
♪ GET A LITTLE BIT OLDER ♪

♪ 'CAUSE LITTLE GIRLS ♪
♪ GET A LITTLE BIT OLDER ♪
♪ EVERY DAY ♪

♪ GET A LITTLE BIT OLDER ♪
♪ EVERY DAY ♪
♪ THANK HEAVEN ♪

♪ EVERY DAY ♪
♪ THANK HEAVEN ♪
♪ FOR LITTLE GIRLS ♪

♪ THANK HEAVEN ♪
♪ FOR LITTLE GIRLS ♪
AAH!

♪ FOR LITTLE GIRLS ♪
AAH!
OH, MY GOD!

AAH!
OH, MY GOD!
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

OH, MY GOD!
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!
LINDA RONSTADT, IT IS YOU!

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!
LINDA RONSTADT, IT IS YOU!
OH!

LINDA RONSTADT, IT IS YOU!
OH!
I ADORED "HEART LIKE A WHEEL."

OH!
I ADORED "HEART LIKE A WHEEL."
AND I ADORE YOU!

I ADORED "HEART LIKE A WHEEL."
AND I ADORE YOU!
YEAH?

AND I ADORE YOU!
YEAH?
OH, YOU ARE CUTE!

YEAH?
OH, YOU ARE CUTE!
JESUS.

OH, YOU ARE CUTE!
JESUS.
THAT'S REAL NICE OF YOU TO SAY.

JESUS.
THAT'S REAL NICE OF YOU TO SAY.
OH, THAT IS NICE OF YOU TO

THAT'S REAL NICE OF YOU TO SAY.
OH, THAT IS NICE OF YOU TO
STAY THAT.

OH, THAT IS NICE OF YOU TO
STAY THAT.
LOOK AT YOUR SCHNOZOLA!

STAY THAT.
LOOK AT YOUR SCHNOZOLA!
YOU HAVE A CUTE LITTLE HONKER

LOOK AT YOUR SCHNOZOLA!
YOU HAVE A CUTE LITTLE HONKER
THERE.

YOU HAVE A CUTE LITTLE HONKER
THERE.
OH, CAN I?

THERE.
OH, CAN I?
COME HERE.

OH, CAN I?
COME HERE.
MWAH!

COME HERE.
MWAH!
OH!

MWAH!
OH!
WHO IS THIS, A NEW BOYFRIEND

OH!
WHO IS THIS, A NEW BOYFRIEND
COMING BETWEEN US, LINDA?

WHO IS THIS, A NEW BOYFRIEND
COMING BETWEEN US, LINDA?
NO, UH, I AM MISS RONSTADT'S

COMING BETWEEN US, LINDA?
NO, UH, I AM MISS RONSTADT'S
BODYGUARD.

NO, UH, I AM MISS RONSTADT'S
BODYGUARD.
SO LET'S WATCH IT, CLOWN, OKAY?

BODYGUARD.
SO LET'S WATCH IT, CLOWN, OKAY?
OH.

SO LET'S WATCH IT, CLOWN, OKAY?
OH.
YOU MIND LEAVING US ALONE,

OH.
YOU MIND LEAVING US ALONE,
PLEASE?

YOU MIND LEAVING US ALONE,
PLEASE?
♪ AH, YOU'RE NO GOOD, LINDA ♪

PLEASE?
♪ AH, YOU'RE NO GOOD, LINDA ♪
♪ YOU'RE NO GOOD ♪

♪ AH, YOU'RE NO GOOD, LINDA ♪
♪ YOU'RE NO GOOD ♪
♪ YOU'RE NO GOOD ♪

♪ YOU'RE NO GOOD ♪
♪ YOU'RE NO GOOD ♪
♪ MISS RONSTADT, YOU'RE NO

♪ YOU'RE NO GOOD ♪
♪ MISS RONSTADT, YOU'RE NO
GOOD ♪

♪ MISS RONSTADT, YOU'RE NO
GOOD ♪
♪ I WANT YOU TO SAY IT AGAIN ♪

GOOD ♪
♪ I WANT YOU TO SAY IT AGAIN ♪
♪ YOU'RE NO GOOD ♪

♪ I WANT YOU TO SAY IT AGAIN ♪
♪ YOU'RE NO GOOD ♪
♪ YOU'RE NO GOOD ♪

♪ YOU'RE NO GOOD ♪
♪ YOU'RE NO GOOD ♪
UGH!

♪ YOU'RE NO GOOD ♪
UGH!
[SOFT PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]

WHICH BRINGS UP AN INTERESTING
POINT.
EVERY PERSON... I DON'T CARE IF

POINT.
EVERY PERSON... I DON'T CARE IF
HE'S A V.I.P. OR A V.V.I.P...

EVERY PERSON... I DON'T CARE IF
HE'S A V.I.P. OR A V.V.I.P...
IS ENTITLED TO HIS OR HER OWN

HE'S A V.I.P. OR A V.V.I.P...
IS ENTITLED TO HIS OR HER OWN
V.I.P.P., "VERY IMPORTANT

IS ENTITLED TO HIS OR HER OWN
V.I.P.P., "VERY IMPORTANT
PERSON'S PRIVACY."

V.I.P.P., "VERY IMPORTANT
PERSON'S PRIVACY."
THAT, OF COURSE...

PERSON'S PRIVACY."
THAT, OF COURSE...
FLIGHT 419 TO LAGUARDIA,

THAT, OF COURSE...
FLIGHT 419 TO LAGUARDIA,
NEW YORK, IS NOW BOARDING.

FLIGHT 419 TO LAGUARDIA,
NEW YORK, IS NOW BOARDING.
THAT'S THE PURPOSE OF THE

NEW YORK, IS NOW BOARDING.
THAT'S THE PURPOSE OF THE
V.I.P., OF COURSE.

THAT'S THE PURPOSE OF THE
V.I.P., OF COURSE.
OUR NONSTOP TO NEW YORK IS NOW

V.I.P., OF COURSE.
OUR NONSTOP TO NEW YORK IS NOW
BOARDING, AND OUR E.T.B., OUR

OUR NONSTOP TO NEW YORK IS NOW
BOARDING, AND OUR E.T.B., OUR
ESTIMATED TIME OF BREAK, IS

BOARDING, AND OUR E.T.B., OUR
ESTIMATED TIME OF BREAK, IS
ABOUT TWO MINUTES.

ESTIMATED TIME OF BREAK, IS
ABOUT TWO MINUTES.
SO LET'S GO OUT WITH THIS ONE TO

ABOUT TWO MINUTES.
SO LET'S GO OUT WITH THIS ONE TO
FINISH FOR THE FOLKS WHO WON'T

SO LET'S GO OUT WITH THIS ONE TO
FINISH FOR THE FOLKS WHO WON'T
BE HERE FOR THE REST OF

FINISH FOR THE FOLKS WHO WON'T
BE HERE FOR THE REST OF
INTRA-FLIGHT ENTERTAINMENT.

BE HERE FOR THE REST OF
INTRA-FLIGHT ENTERTAINMENT.
NO MATTER WHERE YOUR FLIGHT

INTRA-FLIGHT ENTERTAINMENT.
NO MATTER WHERE YOUR FLIGHT
TAKES YOU...

NO MATTER WHERE YOUR FLIGHT
TAKES YOU...
♪ IF YOU'RE GOING ♪

TAKES YOU...
♪ IF YOU'RE GOING ♪
♪ TO SCARBOROUGH FAIR ♪

♪ IF YOU'RE GOING ♪
♪ TO SCARBOROUGH FAIR ♪
♪ PARSLEY, SAGE, ROSEMARY, AND

♪ TO SCARBOROUGH FAIR ♪
♪ PARSLEY, SAGE, ROSEMARY, AND
THYME ♪

♪ PARSLEY, SAGE, ROSEMARY, AND
THYME ♪
♪ REMEMBER ME TO THE DUDE OR

THYME ♪
♪ REMEMBER ME TO THE DUDE OR
CHICK WHO LIVES THERE ♪

♪ REMEMBER ME TO THE DUDE OR
CHICK WHO LIVES THERE ♪
♪ HE OR SHE ONCE WAS A TRUE LOVE

CHICK WHO LIVES THERE ♪
♪ HE OR SHE ONCE WAS A TRUE LOVE
OF MINE ♪

♪ HE OR SHE ONCE WAS A TRUE LOVE
OF MINE ♪
♪ P.S. ♪

OF MINE ♪
♪ P.S. ♪
♪ ROSEMARY ♪

♪ P.S. ♪
♪ ROSEMARY ♪
♪ AND THYME! ♪

GOOD EVENING, AND WELCOME TO
"BLACK PERSPECTIVE."
WE HAVE A SPECIAL PROGRAM

"BLACK PERSPECTIVE."
WE HAVE A SPECIAL PROGRAM
TONIGHT, FOR ALTHOUGH MY GUESTS

WE HAVE A SPECIAL PROGRAM
TONIGHT, FOR ALTHOUGH MY GUESTS
ARE NOT BLACK, THEY REPRESENT

TONIGHT, FOR ALTHOUGH MY GUESTS
ARE NOT BLACK, THEY REPRESENT
ANOTHER VICTIMIZED MINORITY IN

ARE NOT BLACK, THEY REPRESENT
ANOTHER VICTIMIZED MINORITY IN
THIS COUNTRY... THE ILLEGAL

ANOTHER VICTIMIZED MINORITY IN
THIS COUNTRY... THE ILLEGAL
ALIEN.

THIS COUNTRY... THE ILLEGAL
ALIEN.
PLEASE WELCOME JOVAN SHEGULA...

ALIEN.
PLEASE WELCOME JOVAN SHEGULA...
HIS WIFE, VESNA...

PLEASE WELCOME JOVAN SHEGULA...
HIS WIFE, VESNA...
AND THEIR FRIEND,

HIS WIFE, VESNA...
AND THEIR FRIEND,
ROSA SANTANGELO.

AND THEIR FRIEND,
ROSA SANTANGELO.
YEAH, WELCOME, JOVAN, AND

ROSA SANTANGELO.
YEAH, WELCOME, JOVAN, AND
CONGRATULATIONS.

YEAH, WELCOME, JOVAN, AND
CONGRATULATIONS.
YOU AND YOUR WIFE ARE THE FIRST

CONGRATULATIONS.
YOU AND YOUR WIFE ARE THE FIRST
UKRAINIANS WE'VE EVER HAD ON

YOU AND YOUR WIFE ARE THE FIRST
UKRAINIANS WE'VE EVER HAD ON
"BLACK PERSPECTIVE."

UKRAINIANS WE'VE EVER HAD ON
"BLACK PERSPECTIVE."
[Ukrainian accent] HELLO.

"BLACK PERSPECTIVE."
[Ukrainian accent] HELLO.
[Ukrainian accent] MUCH

[Ukrainian accent] HELLO.
[Ukrainian accent] MUCH
HELLO.

[Ukrainian accent] MUCH
HELLO.
YEAH, AND, ROSA, YOU ARE FROM

HELLO.
YEAH, AND, ROSA, YOU ARE FROM
GUATEMALA, RIGHT?

YEAH, AND, ROSA, YOU ARE FROM
GUATEMALA, RIGHT?
AND I UNDERSTAND YOU... YOU'RE

GUATEMALA, RIGHT?
AND I UNDERSTAND YOU... YOU'RE
NOW EMPLOYED BY THE EXXON

AND I UNDERSTAND YOU... YOU'RE
NOW EMPLOYED BY THE EXXON
CORPORATION RIGHT HERE IN

NOW EMPLOYED BY THE EXXON
CORPORATION RIGHT HERE IN
NEW YORK.

CORPORATION RIGHT HERE IN
NEW YORK.
WHAT DO YOU DO?

NEW YORK.
WHAT DO YOU DO?
[Guatemalan accent] I CLEAN

WHAT DO YOU DO?
[Guatemalan accent] I CLEAN
UP, OKAY?

[Guatemalan accent] I CLEAN
UP, OKAY?
NOW...

UP, OKAY?
NOW...
JOVAN, WHY DID YOU, UH, YOU

NOW...
JOVAN, WHY DID YOU, UH, YOU
KNOW, AND YOUR WIFE CHOOSE TO

JOVAN, WHY DID YOU, UH, YOU
KNOW, AND YOUR WIFE CHOOSE TO
LEAVE THE UKRAINE AND COME HERE

KNOW, AND YOUR WIFE CHOOSE TO
LEAVE THE UKRAINE AND COME HERE
TO THE UNITED STATES?

LEAVE THE UKRAINE AND COME HERE
TO THE UNITED STATES?
MY BROTHER, ENSI, HE GETS

TO THE UNITED STATES?
MY BROTHER, ENSI, HE GETS
SHOT IN TAXI.

MY BROTHER, ENSI, HE GETS
SHOT IN TAXI.
WE COME TO FUNERAL... NO MONEY

SHOT IN TAXI.
WE COME TO FUNERAL... NO MONEY
TO GO BACK.

WE COME TO FUNERAL... NO MONEY
TO GO BACK.
FIRST SECRETARY OF TREASURY,

TO GO BACK.
FIRST SECRETARY OF TREASURY,
ALEXANDER HAMILTON, BORN 1755,

FIRST SECRETARY OF TREASURY,
ALEXANDER HAMILTON, BORN 1755,
DIED IN 1804.

ALEXANDER HAMILTON, BORN 1755,
DIED IN 1804.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]

DIED IN 1804.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]

[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
SHE STUDIED FOR CITIZEN TEST.

[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
SHE STUDIED FOR CITIZEN TEST.
I COACH, YOU KNOW?

SHE STUDIED FOR CITIZEN TEST.
I COACH, YOU KNOW?
[CLEARS THROAT]

I COACH, YOU KNOW?
[CLEARS THROAT]
THE PLIGHT OF THE IMMIGRANT

[CLEARS THROAT]
THE PLIGHT OF THE IMMIGRANT
IS QUITE SIMILAR TO THE BLACK

THE PLIGHT OF THE IMMIGRANT
IS QUITE SIMILAR TO THE BLACK
EXPERIENCE IN AMERICA.

IS QUITE SIMILAR TO THE BLACK
EXPERIENCE IN AMERICA.
THEY COME TO OUR COUNTRY.

EXPERIENCE IN AMERICA.
THEY COME TO OUR COUNTRY.
THE WORK HARD.

THEY COME TO OUR COUNTRY.
THE WORK HARD.
THEY'RE PROUD TO BE AMERICANS.

THE WORK HARD.
THEY'RE PROUD TO BE AMERICANS.
BUT THEY'RE STILL REGARDED AS

THEY'RE PROUD TO BE AMERICANS.
BUT THEY'RE STILL REGARDED AS
SECOND-CLASS CITIZENS.

BUT THEY'RE STILL REGARDED AS
SECOND-CLASS CITIZENS.
HE'S RIGHT.

SECOND-CLASS CITIZENS.
HE'S RIGHT.
WE ARE NEW NIGGY.

HE'S RIGHT.
WE ARE NEW NIGGY.
UH, YOU MEAN "NEW NIGGER."

WE ARE NEW NIGGY.
UH, YOU MEAN "NEW NIGGER."
YES, NEW NIGGY.

UH, YOU MEAN "NEW NIGGER."
YES, NEW NIGGY.
UH-HUH.

YES, NEW NIGGY.
UH-HUH.
WELL, UH, THAT'S A GOOD

UH-HUH.
WELL, UH, THAT'S A GOOD
POINT, JOVAN.

WELL, UH, THAT'S A GOOD
POINT, JOVAN.
THE BLACK IS NO LONGER, YOU

POINT, JOVAN.
THE BLACK IS NO LONGER, YOU
KNOW, ON THE LOWEST RUNG ON THE

THE BLACK IS NO LONGER, YOU
KNOW, ON THE LOWEST RUNG ON THE
SOCIAL LADDER, THANKS TO YOU

KNOW, ON THE LOWEST RUNG ON THE
SOCIAL LADDER, THANKS TO YOU
PEOPLE.

SOCIAL LADDER, THANKS TO YOU
PEOPLE.
YOU'RE WELCOME, OKAY?

PEOPLE.
YOU'RE WELCOME, OKAY?
THE BLACK MAN HAS BEEN

YOU'RE WELCOME, OKAY?
THE BLACK MAN HAS BEEN
ELEVATED IN THE 25 YEARS SINCE

THE BLACK MAN HAS BEEN
ELEVATED IN THE 25 YEARS SINCE
BROWN vs. THE BOARD OF

ELEVATED IN THE 25 YEARS SINCE
BROWN vs. THE BOARD OF
EDUCATION.

BROWN vs. THE BOARD OF
EDUCATION.
TOPEKA, KANSAS, 1954.

EDUCATION.
TOPEKA, KANSAS, 1954.
YES, VERY GOOD, VERY GOOD.

TOPEKA, KANSAS, 1954.
YES, VERY GOOD, VERY GOOD.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]

YES, VERY GOOD, VERY GOOD.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
YEAH, WELL, THAT'S RIGHT, AND

[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
YEAH, WELL, THAT'S RIGHT, AND
NOW YOU ARE THE NEW NIGGERS.

YEAH, WELL, THAT'S RIGHT, AND
NOW YOU ARE THE NEW NIGGERS.
NEW NIGGY.

NOW YOU ARE THE NEW NIGGERS.
NEW NIGGY.
OLD NIGGY.

NEW NIGGY.
OLD NIGGY.
OLD NIGGY, OKAY?

OLD NIGGY.
OLD NIGGY, OKAY?
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, BUT LET'S

OLD NIGGY, OKAY?
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, BUT LET'S
GET BACK TO YOUR STORY.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, BUT LET'S
GET BACK TO YOUR STORY.
AS I UNDERSTAND IT, YOU'RE

GET BACK TO YOUR STORY.
AS I UNDERSTAND IT, YOU'RE
NOW DRIVING YOUR BROTHER'S CAB,

AS I UNDERSTAND IT, YOU'RE
NOW DRIVING YOUR BROTHER'S CAB,
RIGHT?

NOW DRIVING YOUR BROTHER'S CAB,
RIGHT?
BUT YOU'VE BEEN LIVING IN FEAR

RIGHT?
BUT YOU'VE BEEN LIVING IN FEAR
OF THE IMMIGRATION AUTHORITIES

BUT YOU'VE BEEN LIVING IN FEAR
OF THE IMMIGRATION AUTHORITIES
BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T GOT A WORK

OF THE IMMIGRATION AUTHORITIES
BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T GOT A WORK
VISA, HMM?

BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T GOT A WORK
VISA, HMM?
IT'S NO WAY TO LIVE.

VISA, HMM?
IT'S NO WAY TO LIVE.
STATUE OF LIBERTY SAY, "BRING

IT'S NO WAY TO LIVE.
STATUE OF LIBERTY SAY, "BRING
POOR, BRING TIRED, BRING...

STATUE OF LIBERTY SAY, "BRING
POOR, BRING TIRED, BRING...
BRING..."

POOR, BRING TIRED, BRING...
BRING..."
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]

BRING..."
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
"HUDDLED MASSES."

[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
"HUDDLED MASSES."
"HUDDLED," YEAH.

"HUDDLED MASSES."
"HUDDLED," YEAH.
"BRING POOR, BRING TIRED."

"HUDDLED," YEAH.
"BRING POOR, BRING TIRED."
JOVAN IS POOR, TIRED.

"BRING POOR, BRING TIRED."
JOVAN IS POOR, TIRED.
JOVAN IS HUDDLED MASSES.

JOVAN IS POOR, TIRED.
JOVAN IS HUDDLED MASSES.
BUT NO VISA, SHIP YOU ON HOME!

JOVAN IS HUDDLED MASSES.
BUT NO VISA, SHIP YOU ON HOME!
YEAH, SO, UH, HOW ARE YOU

BUT NO VISA, SHIP YOU ON HOME!
YEAH, SO, UH, HOW ARE YOU
DEALING WITH THE WORK-PERMIT

YEAH, SO, UH, HOW ARE YOU
DEALING WITH THE WORK-PERMIT
PROBLEM, JOVAN?

DEALING WITH THE WORK-PERMIT
PROBLEM, JOVAN?
MM.

PROBLEM, JOVAN?
MM.
IF JOVAN MARRIES CITIZEN, HE CAN

MM.
IF JOVAN MARRIES CITIZEN, HE CAN
STAY.

IF JOVAN MARRIES CITIZEN, HE CAN
STAY.
NOW, JOVAN, ACCORDING TO THE

STAY.
NOW, JOVAN, ACCORDING TO THE
LAW, AN IMMIGRANT CAN STAY HERE

NOW, JOVAN, ACCORDING TO THE
LAW, AN IMMIGRANT CAN STAY HERE
IN AMERICA IF HE MARRIES A U.S.

LAW, AN IMMIGRANT CAN STAY HERE
IN AMERICA IF HE MARRIES A U.S.
CITIZEN, BUT, JOVAN, YOU'RE

IN AMERICA IF HE MARRIES A U.S.
CITIZEN, BUT, JOVAN, YOU'RE
ALREADY MARRIED TO VESNA.

CITIZEN, BUT, JOVAN, YOU'RE
ALREADY MARRIED TO VESNA.
I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE

ALREADY MARRIED TO VESNA.
I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE
FLAG...

I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE
FLAG...
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

FLAG...
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
JOVAN PICK UP ROSA IN CAB...

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
JOVAN PICK UP ROSA IN CAB...
UH-HUH.

JOVAN PICK UP ROSA IN CAB...
UH-HUH.
TAKE HER TO EXXON, WHERE

UH-HUH.
TAKE HER TO EXXON, WHERE
SHE WORK...

TAKE HER TO EXXON, WHERE
SHE WORK...
I CLEAN UP, OKAY?

SHE WORK...
I CLEAN UP, OKAY?
DIVORCE VESNA.

I CLEAN UP, OKAY?
DIVORCE VESNA.
JOVAN AND ROSA MARRY.

DIVORCE VESNA.
JOVAN AND ROSA MARRY.
JOVAN AND ROSA ADOPT VESNA...

JOVAN AND ROSA MARRY.
JOVAN AND ROSA ADOPT VESNA...
CHILDREN!

JOVAN AND ROSA ADOPT VESNA...
CHILDREN!
PAPA.

CHILDREN!
PAPA.
AH!

PAPA.
AH!
NOW, LET ME GET THIS

AH!
NOW, LET ME GET THIS
STRAIGHT.

NOW, LET ME GET THIS
STRAIGHT.
YOU DIVORCED YOUR WIFE.

STRAIGHT.
YOU DIVORCED YOUR WIFE.
YOU THEN MARRIED YOUR FRIEND,

YOU DIVORCED YOUR WIFE.
YOU THEN MARRIED YOUR FRIEND,
AND YOU AND YOUR FRIEND HAVE

YOU THEN MARRIED YOUR FRIEND,
AND YOU AND YOUR FRIEND HAVE
ADOPTED YOUR EX-WIFE AS YOUR

AND YOU AND YOUR FRIEND HAVE
ADOPTED YOUR EX-WIFE AS YOUR
DAUGHTER.

ADOPTED YOUR EX-WIFE AS YOUR
DAUGHTER.
THAT'S RIGHT... TYPICAL

DAUGHTER.
THAT'S RIGHT... TYPICAL
AMERICAN FAMILY!

THAT'S RIGHT... TYPICAL
AMERICAN FAMILY!
[LAUGHS]

AMERICAN FAMILY!
[LAUGHS]
WELL, THAT'S AN INCREDIBLE

[LAUGHS]
WELL, THAT'S AN INCREDIBLE
STORY, JOVAN.

WELL, THAT'S AN INCREDIBLE
STORY, JOVAN.
UH, JUST CURIOUSLY, MAN...

STORY, JOVAN.
UH, JUST CURIOUSLY, MAN...
WHICH ONE OF THESE TWO DO YOU

UH, JUST CURIOUSLY, MAN...
WHICH ONE OF THESE TWO DO YOU
SLEEP WITH?

WHICH ONE OF THESE TWO DO YOU
SLEEP WITH?
MY DAUGHTER!

SLEEP WITH?
MY DAUGHTER!
AND I CLEAN UP, OKAY?

MY DAUGHTER!
AND I CLEAN UP, OKAY?
[LAUGHS]

AND I CLEAN UP, OKAY?
[LAUGHS]
WELL, UH, THANK YOU FOR TELLING

[LAUGHS]
WELL, UH, THANK YOU FOR TELLING
US YOUR PATHETIC STORY, JOVAN.

WELL, UH, THANK YOU FOR TELLING
US YOUR PATHETIC STORY, JOVAN.
IT'S BEEN AN INSPIRATION TO ME

US YOUR PATHETIC STORY, JOVAN.
IT'S BEEN AN INSPIRATION TO ME
AND MILLIONS OF OTHER BLACKS WHO

IT'S BEEN AN INSPIRATION TO ME
AND MILLIONS OF OTHER BLACKS WHO
SOMETIMES LIKE TO FEEL THAT

AND MILLIONS OF OTHER BLACKS WHO
SOMETIMES LIKE TO FEEL THAT
SOMEBODY'S GETTING A WORSE DEAL

SOMETIMES LIKE TO FEEL THAT
SOMEBODY'S GETTING A WORSE DEAL
THAN WE ARE.

SOMEBODY'S GETTING A WORSE DEAL
THAN WE ARE.
AND I THANK YOU FOR WATCHING

THAN WE ARE.
AND I THANK YOU FOR WATCHING
"BLACK PERSPECTIVE."

AND I THANK YOU FOR WATCHING
"BLACK PERSPECTIVE."
PLEASE JOIN US NEXT WEEK WHEN

"BLACK PERSPECTIVE."
PLEASE JOIN US NEXT WEEK WHEN
SAMUEL BREAKSTONE WILL TELL US

PLEASE JOIN US NEXT WEEK WHEN
SAMUEL BREAKSTONE WILL TELL US
WHY THERE'S NO BLACK COTTAGE

SAMUEL BREAKSTONE WILL TELL US
WHY THERE'S NO BLACK COTTAGE
CHEESE.

WHY THERE'S NO BLACK COTTAGE
CHEESE.
TILL THEN, GOOD NIGHT.

HELLO.
WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT TO SEE ISN'T
PRETTY.

WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT TO SEE ISN'T
PRETTY.
THE LANGUAGE IS DIRECT.

PRETTY.
THE LANGUAGE IS DIRECT.
THE EMOTIONS ARE UNGUARDED.

THE LANGUAGE IS DIRECT.
THE EMOTIONS ARE UNGUARDED.
BUT IN THE END, IT IS THE TRUTH

THE EMOTIONS ARE UNGUARDED.
BUT IN THE END, IT IS THE TRUTH
OF IT THAT IS THE MOST SHOCKING.

BUT IN THE END, IT IS THE TRUTH
OF IT THAT IS THE MOST SHOCKING.
FOR YEARS NOW, UNTOLD NUMBERS OF

OF IT THAT IS THE MOST SHOCKING.
FOR YEARS NOW, UNTOLD NUMBERS OF
VACATIONING AMERICANS HAVE BEEN

FOR YEARS NOW, UNTOLD NUMBERS OF
VACATIONING AMERICANS HAVE BEEN
TRAVELING ABROAD, ONLY TO FIND

VACATIONING AMERICANS HAVE BEEN
TRAVELING ABROAD, ONLY TO FIND
THEMSELVES THE UNSUSPECTING

TRAVELING ABROAD, ONLY TO FIND
THEMSELVES THE UNSUSPECTING
VICTIMS OF UNNECESSARY AND

THEMSELVES THE UNSUSPECTING
VICTIMS OF UNNECESSARY AND
UNEARTHLY HAIRDOS.

VICTIMS OF UNNECESSARY AND
UNEARTHLY HAIRDOS.
STRIPPED OF WHAT COULD ONLY BE

UNEARTHLY HAIRDOS.
STRIPPED OF WHAT COULD ONLY BE
CALLED AN INALIENABLE RIGHT...

STRIPPED OF WHAT COULD ONLY BE
CALLED AN INALIENABLE RIGHT...
THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE THEIR OWN

CALLED AN INALIENABLE RIGHT...
THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE THEIR OWN
HAIRSTYLE... MORE AND MORE OF

THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE THEIR OWN
HAIRSTYLE... MORE AND MORE OF
THESE PEOPLE ARE JUST NOW

HAIRSTYLE... MORE AND MORE OF
THESE PEOPLE ARE JUST NOW
FINDING THE COURAGE TO COME

THESE PEOPLE ARE JUST NOW
FINDING THE COURAGE TO COME
FORWARD AND TELL THIS, THEIR

FINDING THE COURAGE TO COME
FORWARD AND TELL THIS, THEIR
STORY.

FORWARD AND TELL THIS, THEIR
STORY.
THERE... THERE WERE THESE

STORY.
THERE... THERE WERE THESE
CROWDS RIGHT UNDER OUR HOTEL

THERE... THERE WERE THESE
CROWDS RIGHT UNDER OUR HOTEL
WINDOW.

CROWDS RIGHT UNDER OUR HOTEL
WINDOW.
THEY WERE... THEY WERE CHANTING

WINDOW.
THEY WERE... THEY WERE CHANTING
IN ITALIAN.

THEY WERE... THEY WERE CHANTING
IN ITALIAN.
AT LEAST, I THOUGHT IT WAS

IN ITALIAN.
AT LEAST, I THOUGHT IT WAS
ITALIAN... SOME POLITICAL

AT LEAST, I THOUGHT IT WAS
ITALIAN... SOME POLITICAL
TROUBLE.

ITALIAN... SOME POLITICAL
TROUBLE.
THEY WERE... THEY WERE YELLING,

TROUBLE.
THEY WERE... THEY WERE YELLING,
"HENNA! HENNA! HENNA!"

THEY WERE... THEY WERE YELLING,
"HENNA! HENNA! HENNA!"
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT HENNA WAS

"HENNA! HENNA! HENNA!"
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT HENNA WAS
SOME KIND OF HAIR COLORING.

I DIDN'T KNOW THAT HENNA WAS
SOME KIND OF HAIR COLORING.
OUR ROOM WAS ON A MODIFIED

SOME KIND OF HAIR COLORING.
OUR ROOM WAS ON A MODIFIED
PLAN... CONTINENTAL BREAKFAST,

OUR ROOM WAS ON A MODIFIED
PLAN... CONTINENTAL BREAKFAST,
A RINSE AND A TRIM, AND A

PLAN... CONTINENTAL BREAKFAST,
A RINSE AND A TRIM, AND A
SEMIPRIVATE BATH.

A RINSE AND A TRIM, AND A
SEMIPRIVATE BATH.
I SUPPOSE YOUR FIRST INSTINCT

SEMIPRIVATE BATH.
I SUPPOSE YOUR FIRST INSTINCT
IS RAGE.

I SUPPOSE YOUR FIRST INSTINCT
IS RAGE.
I MEAN, WHAT DID WE EVER DO TO

IS RAGE.
I MEAN, WHAT DID WE EVER DO TO
THEM?

I MEAN, WHAT DID WE EVER DO TO
THEM?
IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE,

THEM?
IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE,
AND YOU CAN'T IGNORE IT.

IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE,
AND YOU CAN'T IGNORE IT.
IT DOESN'T JUST GO AWAY.

AND YOU CAN'T IGNORE IT.
IT DOESN'T JUST GO AWAY.
I WANTED REVENGE.

IT DOESN'T JUST GO AWAY.
I WANTED REVENGE.
I WANTED TO STUFF THEIR DEAD

I WANTED REVENGE.
I WANTED TO STUFF THEIR DEAD
BODIES UP A CHIMNEY SOMEWHERE.

I WANTED TO STUFF THEIR DEAD
BODIES UP A CHIMNEY SOMEWHERE.
EVENTUALLY, OF COURSE, I HAD TO

BODIES UP A CHIMNEY SOMEWHERE.
EVENTUALLY, OF COURSE, I HAD TO
BE SEDATED.

EVENTUALLY, OF COURSE, I HAD TO
BE SEDATED.
WHY US? WE WERE GRACIOUS.

BE SEDATED.
WHY US? WE WERE GRACIOUS.
WE OVER-TIPPED WELL, AND I

WHY US? WE WERE GRACIOUS.
WE OVER-TIPPED WELL, AND I
SMILED AT EVERYONE SO OFTEN I

WE OVER-TIPPED WELL, AND I
SMILED AT EVERYONE SO OFTEN I
GOT CRAMPS IN MY CHEEKS.

SMILED AT EVERYONE SO OFTEN I
GOT CRAMPS IN MY CHEEKS.
I WAS IN A MOVIE THEATER.

GOT CRAMPS IN MY CHEEKS.
I WAS IN A MOVIE THEATER.
WHAT WAS THAT STRANGE FILM?

I WAS IN A MOVIE THEATER.
WHAT WAS THAT STRANGE FILM?
IT...

WHAT WAS THAT STRANGE FILM?
IT...
OH, IT WAS A ZIPPY THE HOG FILM,

IT...
OH, IT WAS A ZIPPY THE HOG FILM,
SORT OF A TRAVELOGUE.

OH, IT WAS A ZIPPY THE HOG FILM,
SORT OF A TRAVELOGUE.
WELL, THERE WERE SOME PEOPLE IN

SORT OF A TRAVELOGUE.
WELL, THERE WERE SOME PEOPLE IN
THE SEATS BEHIND ME, AND THEY

WELL, THERE WERE SOME PEOPLE IN
THE SEATS BEHIND ME, AND THEY
SAID TO RELAX, NOT TO BE

THE SEATS BEHIND ME, AND THEY
SAID TO RELAX, NOT TO BE
ALARMED, THEY WERE GONNA FIX MY

SAID TO RELAX, NOT TO BE
ALARMED, THEY WERE GONNA FIX MY
HAIR.

ALARMED, THEY WERE GONNA FIX MY
HAIR.
THEY SAID, "JUST WATCH THE ZIPPY

HAIR.
THEY SAID, "JUST WATCH THE ZIPPY
THE HOG MOVIE."

THEY SAID, "JUST WATCH THE ZIPPY
THE HOG MOVIE."
LET ME THINK.

THE HOG MOVIE."
LET ME THINK.
I KNOW THE NAME OF IT.

LET ME THINK.
I KNOW THE NAME OF IT.
IT WAS, UM, UH... IT WAS CALLED

I KNOW THE NAME OF IT.
IT WAS, UM, UH... IT WAS CALLED
"ZIPPY THE HOG IN 'WHICH WAY IS

IT WAS, UM, UH... IT WAS CALLED
"ZIPPY THE HOG IN 'WHICH WAY IS
PARIS? WHICH WAY IS ROME?'"

"ZIPPY THE HOG IN 'WHICH WAY IS
PARIS? WHICH WAY IS ROME?'"
AND THEY SAID THE HAIRCUT WAS

PARIS? WHICH WAY IS ROME?'"
AND THEY SAID THE HAIRCUT WAS
INCLUDED IN THE PRICE OF THE

AND THEY SAID THE HAIRCUT WAS
INCLUDED IN THE PRICE OF THE
MOVIE AND THAT I HAD TO HAVE IT.

INCLUDED IN THE PRICE OF THE
MOVIE AND THAT I HAD TO HAVE IT.
AND SO I SAID, "WOULDN'T IT BE

MOVIE AND THAT I HAD TO HAVE IT.
AND SO I SAID, "WOULDN'T IT BE
BETTER TO DO IT OUT IN THE

AND SO I SAID, "WOULDN'T IT BE
BETTER TO DO IT OUT IN THE
LOBBY?

BETTER TO DO IT OUT IN THE
LOBBY?
THERE'S MORE LIGHT OUT THERE."

LOBBY?
THERE'S MORE LIGHT OUT THERE."
AND THEY SAID LIGHT FROM THE

THERE'S MORE LIGHT OUT THERE."
AND THEY SAID LIGHT FROM THE
MOVIE SCREEN WAS ALL THEY EVER

AND THEY SAID LIGHT FROM THE
MOVIE SCREEN WAS ALL THEY EVER
NEEDED.

MOVIE SCREEN WAS ALL THEY EVER
NEEDED.
BUT WAS THAT ALL THEY NEEDED?

NEEDED.
BUT WAS THAT ALL THEY NEEDED?
ACCORDING TO THE RECORDS, WHAT

BUT WAS THAT ALL THEY NEEDED?
ACCORDING TO THE RECORDS, WHAT
THEY REALLY NEEDED WAS AN

ACCORDING TO THE RECORDS, WHAT
THEY REALLY NEEDED WAS AN
AMERICAN VICTIM.

THEY REALLY NEEDED WAS AN
AMERICAN VICTIM.
SINCE 1950, THE NUMBER OF

AMERICAN VICTIM.
SINCE 1950, THE NUMBER OF
UNPROVOKED HAIRDOS ON AMERICANS

SINCE 1950, THE NUMBER OF
UNPROVOKED HAIRDOS ON AMERICANS
ROSE A WHOPPING 39%, AS COMPARED

UNPROVOKED HAIRDOS ON AMERICANS
ROSE A WHOPPING 39%, AS COMPARED
TO THE JAPANESE TOURISTS, WHO

ROSE A WHOPPING 39%, AS COMPARED
TO THE JAPANESE TOURISTS, WHO
ONLY EXPERIENCED A 0.5%

TO THE JAPANESE TOURISTS, WHO
ONLY EXPERIENCED A 0.5%
INCREASE, AND THIS INCREASE CUTS

ONLY EXPERIENCED A 0.5%
INCREASE, AND THIS INCREASE CUTS
EVENLY ALONG THE LINES OF RACE,

INCREASE, AND THIS INCREASE CUTS
EVENLY ALONG THE LINES OF RACE,
COLOR, OR CREED.

EVENLY ALONG THE LINES OF RACE,
COLOR, OR CREED.
I WAS SITTING ON THE PLANE,

COLOR, OR CREED.
I WAS SITTING ON THE PLANE,
WAITING FOR IT TO TAKE OFF, YOU

I WAS SITTING ON THE PLANE,
WAITING FOR IT TO TAKE OFF, YOU
KNOW, WAIT FOR IT TO TAKE ME

WAITING FOR IT TO TAKE OFF, YOU
KNOW, WAIT FOR IT TO TAKE ME
HOME, YOU KNOW, WHEN I'M CALLED

KNOW, WAIT FOR IT TO TAKE ME
HOME, YOU KNOW, WHEN I'M CALLED
OFF THE PLANE, RIGHT?

HOME, YOU KNOW, WHEN I'M CALLED
OFF THE PLANE, RIGHT?
NOW, THERE ARE THESE TWO GUYS

OFF THE PLANE, RIGHT?
NOW, THERE ARE THESE TWO GUYS
WAITING FOR ME AT THE GATE.

NOW, THERE ARE THESE TWO GUYS
WAITING FOR ME AT THE GATE.
NOW, I ASKED.

WAITING FOR ME AT THE GATE.
NOW, I ASKED.
I SAID, "HEY, MAN, WHAT'S THIS

NOW, I ASKED.
I SAID, "HEY, MAN, WHAT'S THIS
ABOUT, YOU KNOW?

I SAID, "HEY, MAN, WHAT'S THIS
ABOUT, YOU KNOW?
WHAT'S GOING ON, YOU KNOW?"

ABOUT, YOU KNOW?
WHAT'S GOING ON, YOU KNOW?"
THEY WOULDN'T ANSWER ME, RIGHT?

WHAT'S GOING ON, YOU KNOW?"
THEY WOULDN'T ANSWER ME, RIGHT?
THEY WALKED ME TO THE OFFICE,

THEY WOULDN'T ANSWER ME, RIGHT?
THEY WALKED ME TO THE OFFICE,
AND THIS WAS THE FIRST TIME THEY

THEY WALKED ME TO THE OFFICE,
AND THIS WAS THE FIRST TIME THEY
SPOKE TO ME.

AND THIS WAS THE FIRST TIME THEY
SPOKE TO ME.
THEY SAID I HAD A CHOICE.

SPOKE TO ME.
THEY SAID I HAD A CHOICE.
EITHER I COULD HAVE ALL OF MY

THEY SAID I HAD A CHOICE.
EITHER I COULD HAVE ALL OF MY
LUGGAGE SEARCHED AGAIN OR GET MY

EITHER I COULD HAVE ALL OF MY
LUGGAGE SEARCHED AGAIN OR GET MY
HAIR DONE.

LUGGAGE SEARCHED AGAIN OR GET MY
HAIR DONE.
THEY WANTED US TO TAKE ETHER.

HAIR DONE.
THEY WANTED US TO TAKE ETHER.
THEY SAID IT HELPS RELAX THE

THEY WANTED US TO TAKE ETHER.
THEY SAID IT HELPS RELAX THE
HAIR, AND THEY TOLD US THAT ALL

THEY SAID IT HELPS RELAX THE
HAIR, AND THEY TOLD US THAT ALL
THE GOOD HAIR SALONS USED ETHER.

HAIR, AND THEY TOLD US THAT ALL
THE GOOD HAIR SALONS USED ETHER.
THEY TRIED TO TELL US THAT IT

THE GOOD HAIR SALONS USED ETHER.
THEY TRIED TO TELL US THAT IT
WAS A CUSTOM, THAT WE WOULDN'T

THEY TRIED TO TELL US THAT IT
WAS A CUSTOM, THAT WE WOULDN'T
OFFEND THEM IF WE'D JUST TAKE

WAS A CUSTOM, THAT WE WOULDN'T
OFFEND THEM IF WE'D JUST TAKE
IT.

OFFEND THEM IF WE'D JUST TAKE
IT.
THEN THEY SET UP THIS

IT.
THEN THEY SET UP THIS
PROJECTOR AND THIS EQUIPMENT

THEN THEY SET UP THIS
PROJECTOR AND THIS EQUIPMENT
RIGHT IN OUR HOTEL ROOM, SHOWED

PROJECTOR AND THIS EQUIPMENT
RIGHT IN OUR HOTEL ROOM, SHOWED
US A FILM ABOUT SOME PIG THAT

RIGHT IN OUR HOTEL ROOM, SHOWED
US A FILM ABOUT SOME PIG THAT
COULD RUN EXTRAORDINARILY FAST.

US A FILM ABOUT SOME PIG THAT
COULD RUN EXTRAORDINARILY FAST.
REMEMBER THAT?

COULD RUN EXTRAORDINARILY FAST.
REMEMBER THAT?
YEAH, THAT'S ANOTHER THING

REMEMBER THAT?
YEAH, THAT'S ANOTHER THING
THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO RELAX OUR

YEAH, THAT'S ANOTHER THING
THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO RELAX OUR
HAIR... THIS GIANT HOG RUNNING

THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO RELAX OUR
HAIR... THIS GIANT HOG RUNNING
LIKE HELL ALL OVER EUROPE.

HAIR... THIS GIANT HOG RUNNING
LIKE HELL ALL OVER EUROPE.
WE'D BEEN DRUGGED.

LIKE HELL ALL OVER EUROPE.
WE'D BEEN DRUGGED.
THE FIRST TIME I WAS AWARE OF

WE'D BEEN DRUGGED.
THE FIRST TIME I WAS AWARE OF
WHAT HAD HAPPENED, I STRETCHED

THE FIRST TIME I WAS AWARE OF
WHAT HAD HAPPENED, I STRETCHED
AND CUT MY HAND ON MY HAIR, AND

WHAT HAD HAPPENED, I STRETCHED
AND CUT MY HAND ON MY HAIR, AND
I SCREAMED BLOODY MURDER.

AND CUT MY HAND ON MY HAIR, AND
I SCREAMED BLOODY MURDER.
I JUST CAME TO IN THE NEXT

I SCREAMED BLOODY MURDER.
I JUST CAME TO IN THE NEXT
ROOM, AND I WENT RUNNING IN.

I JUST CAME TO IN THE NEXT
ROOM, AND I WENT RUNNING IN.
I SAW HER LIKE THAT.

ROOM, AND I WENT RUNNING IN.
I SAW HER LIKE THAT.
I STARTED SCREAMING.

I SAW HER LIKE THAT.
I STARTED SCREAMING.
AND I SAW HIM LIKE THAT, AND

I STARTED SCREAMING.
AND I SAW HIM LIKE THAT, AND
I STARTED TO SCREAM.

AND I SAW HIM LIKE THAT, AND
I STARTED TO SCREAM.
I THOUGHT SHE WAS SCREAMING

I STARTED TO SCREAM.
I THOUGHT SHE WAS SCREAMING
BECAUSE THERE WAS SOMEBODY

I THOUGHT SHE WAS SCREAMING
BECAUSE THERE WAS SOMEBODY
BEHIND ME.

BECAUSE THERE WAS SOMEBODY
BEHIND ME.
HE GRABBED A CHAIR AND

BEHIND ME.
HE GRABBED A CHAIR AND
STARTED SWINGING IT.

HE GRABBED A CHAIR AND
STARTED SWINGING IT.
I THOUGHT HE'D LOST HIS MIND.

STARTED SWINGING IT.
I THOUGHT HE'D LOST HIS MIND.
WELL, I CAN'T SAY I WAS

I THOUGHT HE'D LOST HIS MIND.
WELL, I CAN'T SAY I WAS
ANGERED BY IT.

WELL, I CAN'T SAY I WAS
ANGERED BY IT.
I MEAN, I WAS SURPRISED AT

ANGERED BY IT.
I MEAN, I WAS SURPRISED AT
FIRST, AND THEN I BEGAN TO

I MEAN, I WAS SURPRISED AT
FIRST, AND THEN I BEGAN TO
APPRECIATE THE INTRICATE WORK.

FIRST, AND THEN I BEGAN TO
APPRECIATE THE INTRICATE WORK.
THEY PUT IN BRIDGES, AND THEY

APPRECIATE THE INTRICATE WORK.
THEY PUT IN BRIDGES, AND THEY
MADE A GARDEN ON THIS SIDE.

THEY PUT IN BRIDGES, AND THEY
MADE A GARDEN ON THIS SIDE.
AND THEN THEY... SEE THE LITTLE

MADE A GARDEN ON THIS SIDE.
AND THEN THEY... SEE THE LITTLE
TREES?

AND THEN THEY... SEE THE LITTLE
TREES?
YOU KNOW, IT'S REMARKABLE WHEN

TREES?
YOU KNOW, IT'S REMARKABLE WHEN
YOU CONSIDER THEY DID ALL THIS

YOU KNOW, IT'S REMARKABLE WHEN
YOU CONSIDER THEY DID ALL THIS
IN A DARKENED MOVIE THEATER.

YOU CONSIDER THEY DID ALL THIS
IN A DARKENED MOVIE THEATER.
THERE'S JUST ONE THING THAT

IN A DARKENED MOVIE THEATER.
THERE'S JUST ONE THING THAT
BOTHERS ME... THAT EVERY TIME I

THERE'S JUST ONE THING THAT
BOTHERS ME... THAT EVERY TIME I
NEED A TRIM, I HAVE TO MAKE AN

BOTHERS ME... THAT EVERY TIME I
NEED A TRIM, I HAVE TO MAKE AN
APPOINTMENT AT THE

NEED A TRIM, I HAVE TO MAKE AN
APPOINTMENT AT THE
BOTANICAL GARDENS.

APPOINTMENT AT THE
BOTANICAL GARDENS.
THE SITUATION IS NOT GOING TO

BOTANICAL GARDENS.
THE SITUATION IS NOT GOING TO
GO AWAY BY ITSELF, AND THAT'S

THE SITUATION IS NOT GOING TO
GO AWAY BY ITSELF, AND THAT'S
WHY THIS OFFICE IS HERE.

GO AWAY BY ITSELF, AND THAT'S
WHY THIS OFFICE IS HERE.
WE'RE VETERANS OF FOREIGN

WHY THIS OFFICE IS HERE.
WE'RE VETERANS OF FOREIGN
HAIRDOS, AND WE WANT TO HELP ALL

WE'RE VETERANS OF FOREIGN
HAIRDOS, AND WE WANT TO HELP ALL
WE CAN.

HAIRDOS, AND WE WANT TO HELP ALL
WE CAN.
ISN'T THAT RIGHT?

WE CAN.
ISN'T THAT RIGHT?
THAT'S RIGHT.

ISN'T THAT RIGHT?
THAT'S RIGHT.
HI, I'M DOLLY PARTON, AND I WAS

THAT'S RIGHT.
HI, I'M DOLLY PARTON, AND I WAS
AN EARLY VICTIM OF A FOREIGN

HI, I'M DOLLY PARTON, AND I WAS
AN EARLY VICTIM OF A FOREIGN
HAIRDO.

AN EARLY VICTIM OF A FOREIGN
HAIRDO.
BUT I WAS ONE OF THE LUCKY ONES.

HAIRDO.
BUT I WAS ONE OF THE LUCKY ONES.
THE WEIGHT OF IT STRAIGHTENED MY

BUT I WAS ONE OF THE LUCKY ONES.
THE WEIGHT OF IT STRAIGHTENED MY
POSTURE AND HELPED ME TO WALK IN

THE WEIGHT OF IT STRAIGHTENED MY
POSTURE AND HELPED ME TO WALK IN
AN UPRIGHT POSITION.

POSTURE AND HELPED ME TO WALK IN
AN UPRIGHT POSITION.
ALL OF YOU KNOW ABOUT HAIRDOS,

AN UPRIGHT POSITION.
ALL OF YOU KNOW ABOUT HAIRDOS,
BUT HOW MANY OF YOU KNOW THE

ALL OF YOU KNOW ABOUT HAIRDOS,
BUT HOW MANY OF YOU KNOW THE
HAIR DON'TS?

BUT HOW MANY OF YOU KNOW THE
HAIR DON'TS?
DON'T KEEP YOUR HEAD STILL.

HAIR DON'TS?
DON'T KEEP YOUR HEAD STILL.
KEEP IT MOVING AROUND.

DON'T KEEP YOUR HEAD STILL.
KEEP IT MOVING AROUND.
DON'T GO TO THE MOVIES,

KEEP IT MOVING AROUND.
DON'T GO TO THE MOVIES,
ESPECIALLY IN THE BENELUX

DON'T GO TO THE MOVIES,
ESPECIALLY IN THE BENELUX
COUNTRIES.

ESPECIALLY IN THE BENELUX
COUNTRIES.
DON'T EVER CHECK YOUR HAT IN A

COUNTRIES.
DON'T EVER CHECK YOUR HAT IN A
RESTAURANT.

DON'T EVER CHECK YOUR HAT IN A
RESTAURANT.
WE'RE THE VETERANS OF FOREIGN

RESTAURANT.
WE'RE THE VETERANS OF FOREIGN
HAIRDOS.

WE'RE THE VETERANS OF FOREIGN
HAIRDOS.
WHEN YOU TAKE YOUR HAIR OVER

HAIRDOS.
WHEN YOU TAKE YOUR HAIR OVER
THERE, IT'S ONLY FAIR THAT WE

WHEN YOU TAKE YOUR HAIR OVER
THERE, IT'S ONLY FAIR THAT WE
CARE.

THERE, IT'S ONLY FAIR THAT WE
CARE.
SO, THERE. BYE-BYE.

CARE.
SO, THERE. BYE-BYE.
FOR MORE INFORMATION,

SO, THERE. BYE-BYE.
FOR MORE INFORMATION,
WRITE...

WELL, PHOEBE AND I WERE IN
NEW YORK TOGETHER ABOUT A YEAR
AGO, AND WE WENT DOWN TO

NEW YORK TOGETHER ABOUT A YEAR
AGO, AND WE WENT DOWN TO
GERDE'S FOLK CITY TO SEE THE

AGO, AND WE WENT DOWN TO
GERDE'S FOLK CITY TO SEE THE
ROCHE SISTERS.

GERDE'S FOLK CITY TO SEE THE
ROCHE SISTERS.
AND WE BOTH FELL IN LOVE WITH

ROCHE SISTERS.
AND WE BOTH FELL IN LOVE WITH
THIS ONE AMAZING SONG THAT THEY

AND WE BOTH FELL IN LOVE WITH
THIS ONE AMAZING SONG THAT THEY
HAD WRITTEN.

THIS ONE AMAZING SONG THAT THEY
HAD WRITTEN.
AND PHOEBE RECORDED IT.

HAD WRITTEN.
AND PHOEBE RECORDED IT.
AND I WAS SO JEALOUS THAT SHE

AND PHOEBE RECORDED IT.
AND I WAS SO JEALOUS THAT SHE
GOT TO SCOOP ME ON THIS GREAT

AND I WAS SO JEALOUS THAT SHE
GOT TO SCOOP ME ON THIS GREAT
TUNE THAT I TOLD HER THE ONLY

GOT TO SCOOP ME ON THIS GREAT
TUNE THAT I TOLD HER THE ONLY
WAY SHE COULD MAKE IT UP TO ME

TUNE THAT I TOLD HER THE ONLY
WAY SHE COULD MAKE IT UP TO ME
WAS IF SHE LET ME SING IT WITH

WAY SHE COULD MAKE IT UP TO ME
WAS IF SHE LET ME SING IT WITH
HER ONE TIME, SO WE'RE GONNA DO

WAS IF SHE LET ME SING IT WITH
HER ONE TIME, SO WE'RE GONNA DO
IT TOGETHER NOW.

HER ONE TIME, SO WE'RE GONNA DO
IT TOGETHER NOW.
IT'S CALLED "MARRIED MAN."

IT TOGETHER NOW.
IT'S CALLED "MARRIED MAN."
[INTRO PLAYS]

♪ ONE IN LOUISIANA ♪
♪ ANOTHER ONE WHO TRAVELS
AROUND ♪

♪ ANOTHER ONE WHO TRAVELS
AROUND ♪
♪ ONE OF 'EM MAINLY STAYS IN

AROUND ♪
♪ ONE OF 'EM MAINLY STAYS IN
HEARTTHROB TOWN ♪

♪ ONE OF 'EM MAINLY STAYS IN
HEARTTHROB TOWN ♪
♪ I AM NOT THEIR MAIN

HEARTTHROB TOWN ♪
♪ I AM NOT THEIR MAIN
CONCERN ♪

♪ I AM NOT THEIR MAIN
CONCERN ♪
♪ THEY ARE LONELY, TOO ♪

CONCERN ♪
♪ THEY ARE LONELY, TOO ♪
♪ I AM JUST AN ARROW PASSING

♪ THEY ARE LONELY, TOO ♪
♪ I AM JUST AN ARROW PASSING
THROUGH ♪

♪ I AM JUST AN ARROW PASSING
THROUGH ♪
♪ WHEN THEY LOOK INTO MY

THROUGH ♪
♪ WHEN THEY LOOK INTO MY
EYES ♪

♪ WHEN THEY LOOK INTO MY
EYES ♪
♪ I KNOW WHAT TO DO ♪

EYES ♪
♪ I KNOW WHAT TO DO ♪
♪ I MAKE SURE THE WORDS I SAY

♪ I KNOW WHAT TO DO ♪
♪ I MAKE SURE THE WORDS I SAY
ARE TRUE ♪

♪ I MAKE SURE THE WORDS I SAY
ARE TRUE ♪
♪ WHEN THEY SEND ME OFF AT

ARE TRUE ♪
♪ WHEN THEY SEND ME OFF AT
DAWN ♪

♪ WHEN THEY SEND ME OFF AT
DAWN ♪
♪ AND PAY THE DRIVER MY FARE ♪

DAWN ♪
♪ AND PAY THE DRIVER MY FARE ♪
Both: ♪ THEY KNOW I AM GOIN'

♪ AND PAY THE DRIVER MY FARE ♪
Both: ♪ THEY KNOW I AM GOIN'
DOWN SOMEWHERE ♪

Both: ♪ THEY KNOW I AM GOIN'
DOWN SOMEWHERE ♪
♪ OH, THE MARRIED MEN ♪

DOWN SOMEWHERE ♪
♪ OH, THE MARRIED MEN ♪
♪ OH, THE MARRIED MEN ♪

♪ OH, THE MARRIED MEN ♪
♪ OH, THE MARRIED MEN ♪
♪ NEVER WOULD HAVE HAD A GOOD

♪ OH, THE MARRIED MEN ♪
♪ NEVER WOULD HAVE HAD A GOOD
TIME AGAIN ♪

♪ NEVER WOULD HAVE HAD A GOOD
TIME AGAIN ♪
♪ IF IT WASN'T FOR THE MARRIED

TIME AGAIN ♪
♪ IF IT WASN'T FOR THE MARRIED
MEN ♪

♪ IF IT WASN'T FOR THE MARRIED
MEN ♪
♪ ONE SAYS HE'LL COME AFTER

MEN ♪
♪ ONE SAYS HE'LL COME AFTER
ME ♪

♪ ONE SAYS HE'LL COME AFTER
ME ♪
♪ ANOTHER ONE'LL DROP ME A

ME ♪
♪ ANOTHER ONE'LL DROP ME A
LINE ♪

♪ ANOTHER ONE'LL DROP ME A
LINE ♪
♪ ONE OF THEM SAYS ALL OF MY

LINE ♪
♪ ONE OF THEM SAYS ALL OF MY
AGONY IS IN MY MIND ♪

♪ ONE OF THEM SAYS ALL OF MY
AGONY IS IN MY MIND ♪
♪ THEY KNOW WHAT IS WRONG

AGONY IS IN MY MIND ♪
♪ THEY KNOW WHAT IS WRONG
WITH ME ♪

♪ THEY KNOW WHAT IS WRONG
WITH ME ♪
♪ NONE OF 'EM WANTS MY HAND ♪

WITH ME ♪
♪ NONE OF 'EM WANTS MY HAND ♪
Both: ♪ SOLOIN' IN MY

♪ NONE OF 'EM WANTS MY HAND ♪
Both: ♪ SOLOIN' IN MY
TRAVELING WEDDING BAND ♪

Both: ♪ SOLOIN' IN MY
TRAVELING WEDDING BAND ♪
♪ OH, THE MARRIED MEN ♪

TRAVELING WEDDING BAND ♪
♪ OH, THE MARRIED MEN ♪
♪ OH, THE MARRIED MEN ♪

♪ OH, THE MARRIED MEN ♪
♪ OH, THE MARRIED MEN ♪
♪ MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A GIRL

♪ OH, THE MARRIED MEN ♪
♪ MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A GIRL
AGAIN ♪

♪ MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A GIRL
AGAIN ♪
♪ TO RUN WITH THE MARRIED MEN ♪

♪ ONE OF 'EM'S GOT A LITTLE
BOY ♪
♪ OTHER ONE, HE'S GOT TWO ♪

BOY ♪
♪ OTHER ONE, HE'S GOT TWO ♪
♪ ONE OF 'EM'S WIFE IS ONE

♪ OTHER ONE, HE'S GOT TWO ♪
♪ ONE OF 'EM'S WIFE IS ONE
WEEK OVERDUE ♪

♪ ONE OF 'EM'S WIFE IS ONE
WEEK OVERDUE ♪
♪ I KNOW THESE GIRLS ♪

WEEK OVERDUE ♪
♪ I KNOW THESE GIRLS ♪
♪ THEY DON'T LIKE ME ♪

♪ I KNOW THESE GIRLS ♪
♪ THEY DON'T LIKE ME ♪
♪ BUT I AM JUST LIKE THEM ♪

♪ THEY DON'T LIKE ME ♪
♪ BUT I AM JUST LIKE THEM ♪
Both: ♪ PICKIN' A CRAZY APPLE

♪ BUT I AM JUST LIKE THEM ♪
Both: ♪ PICKIN' A CRAZY APPLE
OFF A STEM ♪

Both: ♪ PICKIN' A CRAZY APPLE
OFF A STEM ♪
♪ GIVIN' IT TO THE MARRIED MEN ♪

OFF A STEM ♪
♪ GIVIN' IT TO THE MARRIED MEN ♪
♪ THE MARRIED MEN ♪

♪ GIVIN' IT TO THE MARRIED MEN ♪
♪ THE MARRIED MEN ♪
♪ ALL OF THAT TIME IN HELL TO

♪ THE MARRIED MEN ♪
♪ ALL OF THAT TIME IN HELL TO
SPEND ♪

♪ ALL OF THAT TIME IN HELL TO
SPEND ♪
♪ FOR KISSIN' THE MARRIED MEN ♪

SPEND ♪
♪ FOR KISSIN' THE MARRIED MEN ♪
♪ ALL OF THAT TIME IN HELL TO

♪ FOR KISSIN' THE MARRIED MEN ♪
♪ ALL OF THAT TIME IN HELL TO
SPEND ♪

♪ ALL OF THAT TIME IN HELL TO
SPEND ♪
♪ FOR KISSIN' THE MARRIED ♪

SPEND ♪
♪ FOR KISSIN' THE MARRIED ♪
♪ THE MARRIED MEN ♪

♪ FOR KISSIN' THE MARRIED ♪
♪ THE MARRIED MEN ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

HI, MARY.
HI, JENNY.
AREN'T YOU GOING OVER TO THE

HI, JENNY.
AREN'T YOU GOING OVER TO THE
GOING-OUT-OF-BUSINESS SALE FOR

AREN'T YOU GOING OVER TO THE
GOING-OUT-OF-BUSINESS SALE FOR
PUPPYLAND WITH DIANE AND JOANNE?

GOING-OUT-OF-BUSINESS SALE FOR
PUPPYLAND WITH DIANE AND JOANNE?
NO.

PUPPYLAND WITH DIANE AND JOANNE?
NO.
I DON'T THINK I COULD GO OVER

NO.
I DON'T THINK I COULD GO OVER
THERE WITHOUT CRYING.

I DON'T THINK I COULD GO OVER
THERE WITHOUT CRYING.
JUST TELL THEM GOODBYE FOR ME

THERE WITHOUT CRYING.
JUST TELL THEM GOODBYE FOR ME
AND THAT I WISH THEM GOOD LUCK

JUST TELL THEM GOODBYE FOR ME
AND THAT I WISH THEM GOOD LUCK
IN WHATEVER THEY GET THEMSELVES

AND THAT I WISH THEM GOOD LUCK
IN WHATEVER THEY GET THEMSELVES
INTO NEXT.

IN WHATEVER THEY GET THEMSELVES
INTO NEXT.
HOW'S BUSINESS?

INTO NEXT.
HOW'S BUSINESS?
OH, WELL, YESTERDAY I SOLD

HOW'S BUSINESS?
OH, WELL, YESTERDAY I SOLD
ABOUT $10 WORTH, BUT TODAY

OH, WELL, YESTERDAY I SOLD
ABOUT $10 WORTH, BUT TODAY
HASN'T BEEN SO GOOD.

ABOUT $10 WORTH, BUT TODAY
HASN'T BEEN SO GOOD.
HOW ARE THINGS AT THE SCOTCH

HASN'T BEEN SO GOOD.
HOW ARE THINGS AT THE SCOTCH
BOUTIQUE?

HOW ARE THINGS AT THE SCOTCH
BOUTIQUE?
OH, THE SCOTCH TAPE BUSINESS

BOUTIQUE?
OH, THE SCOTCH TAPE BUSINESS
IS GREAT!

OH, THE SCOTCH TAPE BUSINESS
IS GREAT!
AND DID YOU SEE THE SIGNS ALL

IS GREAT!
AND DID YOU SEE THE SIGNS ALL
OVER THAT SAY "THOMAS SHOES

AND DID YOU SEE THE SIGNS ALL
OVER THAT SAY "THOMAS SHOES
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS"?

OVER THAT SAY "THOMAS SHOES
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS"?
YES, I DID.

GOING OUT OF BUSINESS"?
YES, I DID.
THAT WAS OUR TAPE THEY USED

YES, I DID.
THAT WAS OUR TAPE THEY USED
TO PUT THEM UP.

THAT WAS OUR TAPE THEY USED
TO PUT THEM UP.
WITH THOMAS' SHOES CLOSING,

TO PUT THEM UP.
WITH THOMAS' SHOES CLOSING,
THAT'LL MAKE IT 10 STORES THAT

WITH THOMAS' SHOES CLOSING,
THAT'LL MAKE IT 10 STORES THAT
MOVED OUT OF THE MALL SO FAR

THAT'LL MAKE IT 10 STORES THAT
MOVED OUT OF THE MALL SO FAR
THIS YEAR.

MOVED OUT OF THE MALL SO FAR
THIS YEAR.
YEAH, I KNOW.

THIS YEAR.
YEAH, I KNOW.
[SIGHS]

YEAH, I KNOW.
[SIGHS]
HI, JENNY, MARY.

[SIGHS]
HI, JENNY, MARY.
HI, FLOYD.

HI, JENNY, MARY.
HI, FLOYD.
HI, FLOYD.

HI, FLOYD.
HI, FLOYD.
AREN'T YOU GOING TO THE PARTY

HI, FLOYD.
AREN'T YOU GOING TO THE PARTY
FOR, UH, PUPPYLAND?

AREN'T YOU GOING TO THE PARTY
FOR, UH, PUPPYLAND?
YEAH, WELL, I WAS JUST ON MY

FOR, UH, PUPPYLAND?
YEAH, WELL, I WAS JUST ON MY
WAY.

YEAH, WELL, I WAS JUST ON MY
WAY.
I THOUGHT I'D KIND OF DROP BY,

WAY.
I THOUGHT I'D KIND OF DROP BY,
GET SOME CANDY, AND BRING IT AS

I THOUGHT I'D KIND OF DROP BY,
GET SOME CANDY, AND BRING IT AS
A GOING-AWAY GIFT.

GET SOME CANDY, AND BRING IT AS
A GOING-AWAY GIFT.
WELL, THE MALL IS REALLY

A GOING-AWAY GIFT.
WELL, THE MALL IS REALLY
GOING UNDER, ISN'T IT?

WELL, THE MALL IS REALLY
GOING UNDER, ISN'T IT?
I THINK BUSINESS WILL BE

GOING UNDER, ISN'T IT?
I THINK BUSINESS WILL BE
PICKING UP AS SOON AS THIS GAS

I THINK BUSINESS WILL BE
PICKING UP AS SOON AS THIS GAS
CRISIS GETS WORSE.

PICKING UP AS SOON AS THIS GAS
CRISIS GETS WORSE.
REMEMBER, WE'RE TWO MILES CLOSER

CRISIS GETS WORSE.
REMEMBER, WE'RE TWO MILES CLOSER
TO TOWN THAN THE NEW MALL, AND

REMEMBER, WE'RE TWO MILES CLOSER
TO TOWN THAN THE NEW MALL, AND
NOBODY'S GONNA WANT TO WASTE ALL

TO TOWN THAN THE NEW MALL, AND
NOBODY'S GONNA WANT TO WASTE ALL
THAT GAS AND DRIVE TO A MALL

NOBODY'S GONNA WANT TO WASTE ALL
THAT GAS AND DRIVE TO A MALL
THAT'S TWO MILES FARTHER AWAY.

THAT GAS AND DRIVE TO A MALL
THAT'S TWO MILES FARTHER AWAY.
WE'RE CLOSER.

THAT'S TWO MILES FARTHER AWAY.
WE'RE CLOSER.
I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT,

WE'RE CLOSER.
I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT,
FLOYD.

I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT,
FLOYD.
SURE.

FLOYD.
SURE.
THEN WHY IS PUPPYLAND GOING

SURE.
THEN WHY IS PUPPYLAND GOING
OUT OF BUSINESS?

THEN WHY IS PUPPYLAND GOING
OUT OF BUSINESS?
I MEAN, WHY... WHY CAN'T YOU

OUT OF BUSINESS?
I MEAN, WHY... WHY CAN'T YOU
MAKE THEM HOLD ON TILL NEXT

I MEAN, WHY... WHY CAN'T YOU
MAKE THEM HOLD ON TILL NEXT
MONTH?

MAKE THEM HOLD ON TILL NEXT
MONTH?
WELL, MARY, WITH PUPPIES,

MONTH?
WELL, MARY, WITH PUPPIES,
IT'S DIFFERENT THAN WITH CANDY

WELL, MARY, WITH PUPPIES,
IT'S DIFFERENT THAN WITH CANDY
OR SCOTCH TAPE OR MEN'S

IT'S DIFFERENT THAN WITH CANDY
OR SCOTCH TAPE OR MEN'S
CLOTHING.

OR SCOTCH TAPE OR MEN'S
CLOTHING.
IF I GOT A SUIT ON THE RACK FOR

CLOTHING.
IF I GOT A SUIT ON THE RACK FOR
SIX MONTHS, IT'S NO BIG DEAL,

IF I GOT A SUIT ON THE RACK FOR
SIX MONTHS, IT'S NO BIG DEAL,
BUT YOU CAN'T KEEP PUPPIES ON

SIX MONTHS, IT'S NO BIG DEAL,
BUT YOU CAN'T KEEP PUPPIES ON
INVENTORY FOR SIX MONTHS.

BUT YOU CAN'T KEEP PUPPIES ON
INVENTORY FOR SIX MONTHS.
THEY TURN INTO DOGS.

INVENTORY FOR SIX MONTHS.
THEY TURN INTO DOGS.
IT'S AS BAD AS THE EGG BUSINESS,

THEY TURN INTO DOGS.
IT'S AS BAD AS THE EGG BUSINESS,
YOU KNOW?

IT'S AS BAD AS THE EGG BUSINESS,
YOU KNOW?
YEAH, I HEARD THEY DON'T HAVE

YOU KNOW?
YEAH, I HEARD THEY DON'T HAVE
ONE PUPPY IN THERE THAT IS LESS

YEAH, I HEARD THEY DON'T HAVE
ONE PUPPY IN THERE THAT IS LESS
THAN 8 MONTHS OLD.

ONE PUPPY IN THERE THAT IS LESS
THAN 8 MONTHS OLD.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, THE GARBAGE

THAN 8 MONTHS OLD.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, THE GARBAGE
MEN JOKE THAT PUPPYLAND'S TRASH

AS A MATTER OF FACT, THE GARBAGE
MEN JOKE THAT PUPPYLAND'S TRASH
BAGS ONLY CONTAIN CYCLE-TWO DOG

MEN JOKE THAT PUPPYLAND'S TRASH
BAGS ONLY CONTAIN CYCLE-TWO DOG
FOOD.

BAGS ONLY CONTAIN CYCLE-TWO DOG
FOOD.
[CHUCKLES]

FOOD.
[CHUCKLES]
THAT'S... THAT'S, LIKE, A JOKE

[CHUCKLES]
THAT'S... THAT'S, LIKE, A JOKE
THEY MADE UP.

THAT'S... THAT'S, LIKE, A JOKE
THEY MADE UP.
DIDN'T YOU EVER SEE THE

THEY MADE UP.
DIDN'T YOU EVER SEE THE
COMMERCIAL WHERE THEY HAVE

DIDN'T YOU EVER SEE THE
COMMERCIAL WHERE THEY HAVE
DIFFERENT CANS OF DOG FOOD FOR

COMMERCIAL WHERE THEY HAVE
DIFFERENT CANS OF DOG FOOD FOR
DIFFERENT-AGED DOGS?

DIFFERENT CANS OF DOG FOOD FOR
DIFFERENT-AGED DOGS?
NO, I NEVER DID.

DIFFERENT-AGED DOGS?
NO, I NEVER DID.
I MUST HAVE MISSED THAT ONE.

NO, I NEVER DID.
I MUST HAVE MISSED THAT ONE.
WELL, ONE, UH... ONE CAN IS

I MUST HAVE MISSED THAT ONE.
WELL, ONE, UH... ONE CAN IS
CALLED "CYCLE ONE," AND IT'S FOR

WELL, ONE, UH... ONE CAN IS
CALLED "CYCLE ONE," AND IT'S FOR
PUPPIES, AND THE OTHER IS CALLED

CALLED "CYCLE ONE," AND IT'S FOR
PUPPIES, AND THE OTHER IS CALLED
"CYCLE TWO," AND IT'S FOR DOGS

PUPPIES, AND THE OTHER IS CALLED
"CYCLE TWO," AND IT'S FOR DOGS
OVER SIX MONTHS OLD, AND, UH,

"CYCLE TWO," AND IT'S FOR DOGS
OVER SIX MONTHS OLD, AND, UH,
THAT'S WHAT THEY MEANT WHEN THEY

OVER SIX MONTHS OLD, AND, UH,
THAT'S WHAT THEY MEANT WHEN THEY
SAID THAT THERE'S ONLY CYCLE-TWO

THAT'S WHAT THEY MEANT WHEN THEY
SAID THAT THERE'S ONLY CYCLE-TWO
DOG FOOD IN THE TRASH BECAUSE

SAID THAT THERE'S ONLY CYCLE-TWO
DOG FOOD IN THE TRASH BECAUSE
ALL PUPPYLAND'S PUPPIES ARE SO

DOG FOOD IN THE TRASH BECAUSE
ALL PUPPYLAND'S PUPPIES ARE SO
OLD THAT, UM, THEY... THEY DON'T

ALL PUPPYLAND'S PUPPIES ARE SO
OLD THAT, UM, THEY... THEY DON'T
EAT CYCLE ONE ANYMORE.

OLD THAT, UM, THEY... THEY DON'T
EAT CYCLE ONE ANYMORE.
I THINK MAYBE WE BETTER GET

EAT CYCLE ONE ANYMORE.
I THINK MAYBE WE BETTER GET
OVER THERE.

I THINK MAYBE WE BETTER GET
OVER THERE.
YEAH.

OVER THERE.
YEAH.
IT'S PUPPYLAND PARTY TIME!

YEAH.
IT'S PUPPYLAND PARTY TIME!
WE WERE JUST ON OUR WAY.

IT'S PUPPYLAND PARTY TIME!
WE WERE JUST ON OUR WAY.
YEAH, YOU KNOW, DID YOU HEAR

WE WERE JUST ON OUR WAY.
YEAH, YOU KNOW, DID YOU HEAR
THE JOKE THAT THE GARBAGE MEN

YEAH, YOU KNOW, DID YOU HEAR
THE JOKE THAT THE GARBAGE MEN
ARE MAKING ABOUT THE DOG FOOD IN

THE JOKE THAT THE GARBAGE MEN
ARE MAKING ABOUT THE DOG FOOD IN
PUPPYLAND'S TRASH?

ARE MAKING ABOUT THE DOG FOOD IN
PUPPYLAND'S TRASH?
NO.

PUPPYLAND'S TRASH?
NO.
WHY DON'T YOU GO ON OVER

NO.
WHY DON'T YOU GO ON OVER
THERE, AND I'LL GET SOME CANDY,

WHY DON'T YOU GO ON OVER
THERE, AND I'LL GET SOME CANDY,
AND I'LL JOIN YOU GUYS?

THERE, AND I'LL GET SOME CANDY,
AND I'LL JOIN YOU GUYS?
WHAT ARE YOU GIVING THEM?

AND I'LL JOIN YOU GUYS?
WHAT ARE YOU GIVING THEM?
SHAMPOO.

WHAT ARE YOU GIVING THEM?
SHAMPOO.
THEY MAY BE BROKE AND SAD, BUT

SHAMPOO.
THEY MAY BE BROKE AND SAD, BUT
THEY'RE GONNA HAVE CLEAN HAIR!

THEY MAY BE BROKE AND SAD, BUT
THEY'RE GONNA HAVE CLEAN HAIR!
[BOTH LAUGH]

THEY'RE GONNA HAVE CLEAN HAIR!
[BOTH LAUGH]
I'LL SEE YOU OVER THERE, FLOYD.

[BOTH LAUGH]
I'LL SEE YOU OVER THERE, FLOYD.
SEE YOU OVER THERE, MARY.

I'LL SEE YOU OVER THERE, FLOYD.
SEE YOU OVER THERE, MARY.
OKAY.

SEE YOU OVER THERE, MARY.
OKAY.
BYE, MARY.

OKAY.
BYE, MARY.
UH, MARY, I THINK I'LL TAKE

BYE, MARY.
UH, MARY, I THINK I'LL TAKE
ABOUT 75 CENTS WORTH OF THE

UH, MARY, I THINK I'LL TAKE
ABOUT 75 CENTS WORTH OF THE
ALMOND CREAMS, AND, UH...

ABOUT 75 CENTS WORTH OF THE
ALMOND CREAMS, AND, UH...
OKAY, AND I'LL PUT IN SOME

ALMOND CREAMS, AND, UH...
OKAY, AND I'LL PUT IN SOME
RAISIN CLUSTERS, OKAY?

OKAY, AND I'LL PUT IN SOME
RAISIN CLUSTERS, OKAY?
OH, SURE, SURE.

RAISIN CLUSTERS, OKAY?
OH, SURE, SURE.
AND WOULD YOU TELL THEM THAT

OH, SURE, SURE.
AND WOULD YOU TELL THEM THAT
I SENT THEM?

AND WOULD YOU TELL THEM THAT
I SENT THEM?
YEAH, CERTAINLY.

I SENT THEM?
YEAH, CERTAINLY.
UH... YOU CAN... YOU CAN PUT THIS

YEAH, CERTAINLY.
UH... YOU CAN... YOU CAN PUT THIS
ON MY BILL, CAN'T YOU?

UH... YOU CAN... YOU CAN PUT THIS
ON MY BILL, CAN'T YOU?
WELL, FLOYD, I HATE TO SAY

ON MY BILL, CAN'T YOU?
WELL, FLOYD, I HATE TO SAY
ANYTHING, BUT YOU STILL DO OWE

WELL, FLOYD, I HATE TO SAY
ANYTHING, BUT YOU STILL DO OWE
ME $7.95 FOR THE VALENTINE BOX

ANYTHING, BUT YOU STILL DO OWE
ME $7.95 FOR THE VALENTINE BOX
OF ASSORTED CREAMS.

ME $7.95 FOR THE VALENTINE BOX
OF ASSORTED CREAMS.
I MEAN...

OF ASSORTED CREAMS.
I MEAN...
HI, MARY. HI, MR. HUNGER.

I MEAN...
HI, MARY. HI, MR. HUNGER.
Both: HI, KEVIN.

HI, MARY. HI, MR. HUNGER.
Both: HI, KEVIN.
HI.

Both: HI, KEVIN.
HI.
UH, KEVIN, DO YOU HAVE 75

HI.
UH, KEVIN, DO YOU HAVE 75
CENTS YOU CAN LOAN ME TILL

UH, KEVIN, DO YOU HAVE 75
CENTS YOU CAN LOAN ME TILL
TOMORROW?

CENTS YOU CAN LOAN ME TILL
TOMORROW?
YEAH, SURE, MR. HUNGER.

TOMORROW?
YEAH, SURE, MR. HUNGER.
YOU GOT CHANGE FOR A $20?

YEAH, SURE, MR. HUNGER.
YOU GOT CHANGE FOR A $20?
KEVIN, YOU... YOU DO HAVE A

YOU GOT CHANGE FOR A $20?
KEVIN, YOU... YOU DO HAVE A
LOT OF MONEY.

KEVIN, YOU... YOU DO HAVE A
LOT OF MONEY.
YEAH, WELL, I'VE BEEN HELPING

LOT OF MONEY.
YEAH, WELL, I'VE BEEN HELPING
WHEEL OF HARDWARE MOVE, YOU

YEAH, WELL, I'VE BEEN HELPING
WHEEL OF HARDWARE MOVE, YOU
KNOW?

WHEEL OF HARDWARE MOVE, YOU
KNOW?
UH, I DON'T THINK I HAVE ANY

KNOW?
UH, I DON'T THINK I HAVE ANY
SMALL BILLS ON ME, KEV.

UH, I DON'T THINK I HAVE ANY
SMALL BILLS ON ME, KEV.
UH, HOW ABOUT IF I JUST TAKE

SMALL BILLS ON ME, KEV.
UH, HOW ABOUT IF I JUST TAKE
THIS $20?

UH, HOW ABOUT IF I JUST TAKE
THIS $20?
I'LL PAY IT BACK TO YOU

THIS $20?
I'LL PAY IT BACK TO YOU
TOMORROW.

I'LL PAY IT BACK TO YOU
TOMORROW.
OKAY.

TOMORROW.
OKAY.
I'LL BRING THAT CHANGE TO YOU

OKAY.
I'LL BRING THAT CHANGE TO YOU
AROUND TOMORROW THERE, MARY.

I'LL BRING THAT CHANGE TO YOU
AROUND TOMORROW THERE, MARY.
UH, THEY SAY THEY REALLY WANT

AROUND TOMORROW THERE, MARY.
UH, THEY SAY THEY REALLY WANT
YOU OVER AT THE PARTY, MARY, SO

UH, THEY SAY THEY REALLY WANT
YOU OVER AT THE PARTY, MARY, SO
I VOLUNTEERED TO WATCH YOUR

YOU OVER AT THE PARTY, MARY, SO
I VOLUNTEERED TO WATCH YOUR
STORE WHILE YOU GO OVER THERE

I VOLUNTEERED TO WATCH YOUR
STORE WHILE YOU GO OVER THERE
FOR A WHILE.

STORE WHILE YOU GO OVER THERE
FOR A WHILE.
OH, THANKS, KEVIN, BUT I...

FOR A WHILE.
OH, THANKS, KEVIN, BUT I...
I DON'T LIKE TO LEAVE THIS

OH, THANKS, KEVIN, BUT I...
I DON'T LIKE TO LEAVE THIS
STORE.

I DON'T LIKE TO LEAVE THIS
STORE.
YOU NEVER CAN TELL.

STORE.
YOU NEVER CAN TELL.
MAYBE A CUSTOMER WOULD COME IN.

YOU NEVER CAN TELL.
MAYBE A CUSTOMER WOULD COME IN.
WELL, I COULD COME OVER AND

MAYBE A CUSTOMER WOULD COME IN.
WELL, I COULD COME OVER AND
GET YOU IF SOMEBODY CAME IN.

WELL, I COULD COME OVER AND
GET YOU IF SOMEBODY CAME IN.
THAT'S WHAT I WAS THINKING.

GET YOU IF SOMEBODY CAME IN.
THAT'S WHAT I WAS THINKING.
NO, THANKS, KEVIN.

THAT'S WHAT I WAS THINKING.
NO, THANKS, KEVIN.
I DON'T THINK I SHOULD.

NO, THANKS, KEVIN.
I DON'T THINK I SHOULD.
OH.

I DON'T THINK I SHOULD.
OH.
OKAY, THEN MAYBE I'LL TAKE A BOX

OH.
OKAY, THEN MAYBE I'LL TAKE A BOX
OF CHOCOLATE-COVERED PEANUTS AND

OKAY, THEN MAYBE I'LL TAKE A BOX
OF CHOCOLATE-COVERED PEANUTS AND
A BOX OF VANILLA CARAMELS.

OF CHOCOLATE-COVERED PEANUTS AND
A BOX OF VANILLA CARAMELS.
OH.

A BOX OF VANILLA CARAMELS.
OH.
I'LL BET THAT PARTY IS PRETTY...

OH.
I'LL BET THAT PARTY IS PRETTY...
PRETTY SAD, HUH?

I'LL BET THAT PARTY IS PRETTY...
PRETTY SAD, HUH?
NO, I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO

PRETTY SAD, HUH?
NO, I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO
STAY, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE OF THE

NO, I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO
STAY, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE OF THE
SMELL, YOU KNOW?

STAY, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE OF THE
SMELL, YOU KNOW?
MOST OF THE PEOPLE ARE STANDING

SMELL, YOU KNOW?
MOST OF THE PEOPLE ARE STANDING
IN THE DOORWAY, YOU KNOW?

MOST OF THE PEOPLE ARE STANDING
IN THE DOORWAY, YOU KNOW?
IT'S NOT AS BAD THERE.

IN THE DOORWAY, YOU KNOW?
IT'S NOT AS BAD THERE.
OH, DEAR.

IT'S NOT AS BAD THERE.
OH, DEAR.
THAT'LL BE $8.70.

OH, DEAR.
THAT'LL BE $8.70.
THEY'RE $4.35 A POUND.

THAT'LL BE $8.70.
THEY'RE $4.35 A POUND.
GEEZ, ALL I GOT'S THESE $20s.

THEY'RE $4.35 A POUND.
GEEZ, ALL I GOT'S THESE $20s.
IT'S THE SMALLEST THING I GOT.

GEEZ, ALL I GOT'S THESE $20s.
IT'S THE SMALLEST THING I GOT.
WELL, WHY DON'T YOU DROP BY

IT'S THE SMALLEST THING I GOT.
WELL, WHY DON'T YOU DROP BY
TOMORROW, AND I'LL GIVE YOU YOUR

WELL, WHY DON'T YOU DROP BY
TOMORROW, AND I'LL GIVE YOU YOUR
CHANGE?

TOMORROW, AND I'LL GIVE YOU YOUR
CHANGE?
OKAY. I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

CHANGE?
OKAY. I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
OKAY.

OKAY. I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
OKAY.
BYE, KEVIN.

OKAY.
BYE, KEVIN.
BYE, MARY.

BYE, KEVIN.
BYE, MARY.
HI, MARY.

BYE, MARY.
HI, MARY.
HI, MARY.

HI, MARY.
HI, MARY.
OH, HI!

HI, MARY.
OH, HI!
WHAT YOU INTO?

OH, HI!
WHAT YOU INTO?
OH, WE KNEW YOU COULDN'T

WHAT YOU INTO?
OH, WE KNEW YOU COULDN'T
LEAVE THE CANDY STORE, SO WE

OH, WE KNEW YOU COULDN'T
LEAVE THE CANDY STORE, SO WE
CAME TO SAY GOODBYE TO YOU.

LEAVE THE CANDY STORE, SO WE
CAME TO SAY GOODBYE TO YOU.
AWW, THAT'S SO NICE.

CAME TO SAY GOODBYE TO YOU.
AWW, THAT'S SO NICE.
AND LISTEN, THANKS SO MUCH

AWW, THAT'S SO NICE.
AND LISTEN, THANKS SO MUCH
FOR THE BOX OF CANDY YOU SENT

AND LISTEN, THANKS SO MUCH
FOR THE BOX OF CANDY YOU SENT
OVER.

FOR THE BOX OF CANDY YOU SENT
OVER.
OH, THAT'S OKAY.

OVER.
OH, THAT'S OKAY.
LISTEN, UH, YOU DON'T MIND IF

OH, THAT'S OKAY.
LISTEN, UH, YOU DON'T MIND IF
WE JUST, UM, KEEP A FEW DOGS IN

LISTEN, UH, YOU DON'T MIND IF
WE JUST, UM, KEEP A FEW DOGS IN
HERE FOR A WHILE WHILE WE'RE

WE JUST, UM, KEEP A FEW DOGS IN
HERE FOR A WHILE WHILE WE'RE
CLEANING THINGS OUT OVER THERE?

HERE FOR A WHILE WHILE WE'RE
CLEANING THINGS OUT OVER THERE?
AWW, NO, NO, I DON'T MIND.

CLEANING THINGS OUT OVER THERE?
AWW, NO, NO, I DON'T MIND.
AWW, GOOD.

AWW, NO, NO, I DON'T MIND.
AWW, GOOD.
I'LL START BRINGING THEM IN.

AWW, GOOD.
I'LL START BRINGING THEM IN.
AWW.

I'LL START BRINGING THEM IN.
AWW.
AREN'T THEY CUTE?

AWW.
AREN'T THEY CUTE?
THEY'RE ONLY 8 WEEKS OLD.

AREN'T THEY CUTE?
THEY'RE ONLY 8 WEEKS OLD.
WELL, NOW, YOU SEE, ISN'T

THEY'RE ONLY 8 WEEKS OLD.
WELL, NOW, YOU SEE, ISN'T
THAT SOMETHING HOW RUMORS GET

WELL, NOW, YOU SEE, ISN'T
THAT SOMETHING HOW RUMORS GET
STARTED?

THAT SOMETHING HOW RUMORS GET
STARTED?
THEY WERE SAYING THAT YOU DIDN'T

STARTED?
THEY WERE SAYING THAT YOU DIDN'T
HAVE A PUPPY OVER THERE UNDER

THEY WERE SAYING THAT YOU DIDN'T
HAVE A PUPPY OVER THERE UNDER
SIX MONTHS OLD.

HAVE A PUPPY OVER THERE UNDER
SIX MONTHS OLD.
[CHUCKLES]

SIX MONTHS OLD.
[CHUCKLES]
WELL, ACTUALLY, THAT WAS TRUE.

[CHUCKLES]
WELL, ACTUALLY, THAT WAS TRUE.
IT'S KIND OF EMBARRASSING, BUT A

WELL, ACTUALLY, THAT WAS TRUE.
IT'S KIND OF EMBARRASSING, BUT A
COUPLE OF OUR PUPPIES HAD

IT'S KIND OF EMBARRASSING, BUT A
COUPLE OF OUR PUPPIES HAD
PUPPIES.

COUPLE OF OUR PUPPIES HAD
PUPPIES.
[LAUGHS]

PUPPIES.
[LAUGHS]
OH.

[LAUGHS]
OH.
YEAH.

OH.
YEAH.
UH... OH!

YEAH.
UH... OH!
HELLO.

UH... OH!
HELLO.
OH, HERE THEY COME.

HELLO.
OH, HERE THEY COME.
HERE THEY COME.

OH, HERE THEY COME.
HERE THEY COME.
HERE THEY ARE.

HERE THEY COME.
HERE THEY ARE.
I-I THINK I BETTER GIVE THEM

HERE THEY ARE.
I-I THINK I BETTER GIVE THEM
A HAND.

I-I THINK I BETTER GIVE THEM
A HAND.
THEY MIGHT NEED SOME HELP WITH

A HAND.
THEY MIGHT NEED SOME HELP WITH
THE BIG ONES.

THEY MIGHT NEED SOME HELP WITH
THE BIG ONES.
OH.

THE BIG ONES.
OH.
STAY. STAY.

OH.
STAY. STAY.
OKAY, GUYS, STAY.

STAY. STAY.
OKAY, GUYS, STAY.
STAY. STAY.

OKAY, GUYS, STAY.
STAY. STAY.
STAY.

[HORN HONKS]
HELLO, KIDDIES! HEY!
OH, BOY, ARE WE GONNA HAVE FUN

HELLO, KIDDIES! HEY!
OH, BOY, ARE WE GONNA HAVE FUN
TODAY 'CAUSE ME AND SPOT ARE

OH, BOY, ARE WE GONNA HAVE FUN
TODAY 'CAUSE ME AND SPOT ARE
GOING TO WATCH A SILENT MOVIE!

TODAY 'CAUSE ME AND SPOT ARE
GOING TO WATCH A SILENT MOVIE!
YAY!

GOING TO WATCH A SILENT MOVIE!
YAY!
AND THE STAR OF THE FILM IS MY

YAY!
AND THE STAR OF THE FILM IS MY
GRANDFATHER, VAUDEVILLE BILL!

AND THE STAR OF THE FILM IS MY
GRANDFATHER, VAUDEVILLE BILL!
SAY, MR. BILL, THE

GRANDFATHER, VAUDEVILLE BILL!
SAY, MR. BILL, THE
PROJECTIONIST DIDN'T SHOW UP.

SAY, MR. BILL, THE
PROJECTIONIST DIDN'T SHOW UP.
UH-OH.

PROJECTIONIST DIDN'T SHOW UP.
UH-OH.
CAN YOU LEND A HAND?

UH-OH.
CAN YOU LEND A HAND?
OH, MR. HANDS, BUT YOU KNOW

CAN YOU LEND A HAND?
OH, MR. HANDS, BUT YOU KNOW
I'D RATHER RELAX AND WATCH THE

OH, MR. HANDS, BUT YOU KNOW
I'D RATHER RELAX AND WATCH THE
MOVIE.

I'D RATHER RELAX AND WATCH THE
MOVIE.
OH, COME ON.

MOVIE.
OH, COME ON.
IT'LL JUST TAKE A SECOND.

OH, COME ON.
IT'LL JUST TAKE A SECOND.
OH, OKAY.

IT'LL JUST TAKE A SECOND.
OH, OKAY.
SAY, SPOT, WILL YOU SAVE MY

OH, OKAY.
SAY, SPOT, WILL YOU SAVE MY
SEAT, HUH?

SAY, SPOT, WILL YOU SAVE MY
SEAT, HUH?
[BARKS]

SEAT, HUH?
[BARKS]
OKAY, NOW FIRST, MR. BILL,

[BARKS]
OKAY, NOW FIRST, MR. BILL,
I WANT YOU TO THREAD THE FILM

OKAY, NOW FIRST, MR. BILL,
I WANT YOU TO THREAD THE FILM
INTO THE PROJECTOR...

I WANT YOU TO THREAD THE FILM
INTO THE PROJECTOR...
OH, BUT YOU KNOW I CAN'T DO

INTO THE PROJECTOR...
OH, BUT YOU KNOW I CAN'T DO
THAT, MR. HANDS.

OH, BUT YOU KNOW I CAN'T DO
THAT, MR. HANDS.
I'M NOT EVEN IN THE UNION.

THAT, MR. HANDS.
I'M NOT EVEN IN THE UNION.
WHILE I TURN IT ON.

I'M NOT EVEN IN THE UNION.
WHILE I TURN IT ON.
NO, WAIT, I CAN'T HOLD ON!

WHILE I TURN IT ON.
NO, WAIT, I CAN'T HOLD ON!
NO! NO! STOP IT!

NO, WAIT, I CAN'T HOLD ON!
NO! NO! STOP IT!
Shh, QUIET, MR. BILL.

NO! NO! STOP IT!
Shh, QUIET, MR. BILL.
THE MOVIE'S STARTING.

Shh, QUIET, MR. BILL.
THE MOVIE'S STARTING.
OH, AND THANKS FOR THE HAND.

THE MOVIE'S STARTING.
OH, AND THANKS FOR THE HAND.
I DON'T LIKE GOING TO THE

OH, AND THANKS FOR THE HAND.
I DON'T LIKE GOING TO THE
MOVIES!

MOVIES!
[BELL DINGS]

[BELL DINGS]
[CALLIOPE MUSIC PLAYING]

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[DRUMROLL]
[CYMBALS CRASH]
[SPECTATORS BOOING]

[CYMBALS CRASH]
[SPECTATORS BOOING]
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

SEE YOU NEXT TIME!
BYE-BYE!

GOOD NIGHT, EVERYONE.
WE HAD A GREAT TIME.
YOU WERE A GREAT AUDIENCE.

WE HAD A GREAT TIME.
YOU WERE A GREAT AUDIENCE.
AND THEY ARE THE MOST LOVELY

YOU WERE A GREAT AUDIENCE.
AND THEY ARE THE MOST LOVELY
GROUP OF PEOPLE.

AND THEY ARE THE MOST LOVELY
GROUP OF PEOPLE.
MAUREEN STAPLETON!

GROUP OF PEOPLE.
MAUREEN STAPLETON!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

MAUREEN STAPLETON!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[WHISTLES]