Saturday Night Live (1975–…): Season 4, Episode 12 - Ricky Nelson/Judy Collins - full transcript

[GERRY RAFFERTY'S "BAKER
STREET" PLAYS]
ALL RIGHT, WE'RE BACK ON.

[STREET" PLAYS]
ALL RIGHT, WE'RE BACK ON.
CAN YOU SAY... HEY, FOLKS AT

ALL RIGHT, WE'RE BACK ON.
CAN YOU SAY... HEY, FOLKS AT
HOME, GRAB A PENCIL.

CAN YOU SAY... HEY, FOLKS AT
HOME, GRAB A PENCIL.
COULD YOU SAY THAT AGAIN FOR

HOME, GRAB A PENCIL.
COULD YOU SAY THAT AGAIN FOR
THE FOLKS AT HOME?

COULD YOU SAY THAT AGAIN FOR
THE FOLKS AT HOME?
The number to call if you

THE FOLKS AT HOME?
The number to call if you
want to pledge to donate blood

The number to call if you
want to pledge to donate blood
to the Taggert twins is

want to pledge to donate blood
to the Taggert twins is
555-8679.

To the Taggert twins is
555-8679.
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S GREAT.

555-8679.
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S GREAT.
LET'S SEE IF WE CAN GET THAT



ALL RIGHT, THAT'S GREAT.
LET'S SEE IF WE CAN GET THAT
BLOOD PLEDGED BY 9:00.

LET'S SEE IF WE CAN GET THAT
BLOOD PLEDGED BY 9:00.
COME ON, WGN IS GONNA HELP.

BLOOD PLEDGED BY 9:00.
COME ON, WGN IS GONNA HELP.
YOU KNOW, THERE'S ALWAYS A

COME ON, WGN IS GONNA HELP.
YOU KNOW, THERE'S ALWAYS A
BLOOD SHORTAGE WHEN WE GET THIS

YOU KNOW, THERE'S ALWAYS A
BLOOD SHORTAGE WHEN WE GET THIS
KIND OF COLD WEATHER, SO LET'S

BLOOD SHORTAGE WHEN WE GET THIS
KIND OF COLD WEATHER, SO LET'S
HELP OUT.

KIND OF COLD WEATHER, SO LET'S
HELP OUT.
Oh, and, Dick, if we meet

HELP OUT.
Oh, and, Dick, if we meet
this goal, not only will we save

Oh, and, Dick, if we meet
this goal, not only will we save
a child's life, but I'll send

this goal, not only will we save
a child's life, but I'll send
you two live Maine lobsters from

a child's life, but I'll send
you two live Maine lobsters from
Allgauer's Restaurant so you can

you two live Maine lobsters from
Allgauer's Restaurant so you can
eat them when you want.

Allgauer's Restaurant so you can
eat them when you want.
WELL, THANKS A LOT!

Eat them when you want.
WELL, THANKS A LOT!
THANKS VERY MUCH.



WELL, THANKS A LOT!
THANKS VERY MUCH.
OKAY, THOSE TWINS NEED SOME

THANKS VERY MUCH.
OKAY, THOSE TWINS NEED SOME
BLOOD, AND I NEED SOME LOBSTERS.

OKAY, THOSE TWINS NEED SOME
BLOOD, AND I NEED SOME LOBSTERS.
COME ON, CHICAGO, LET'S HEAR

BLOOD, AND I NEED SOME LOBSTERS.
COME ON, CHICAGO, LET'S HEAR
FROM YOU.

COME ON, CHICAGO, LET'S HEAR
FROM YOU.
BEFORE THAT, WE HEARD, UH,

FROM YOU.
BEFORE THAT, WE HEARD, UH,
GERRY RAFFERTY AND HIS "BAKER

BEFORE THAT, WE HEARD, UH,
GERRY RAFFERTY AND HIS "BAKER
STREET."

GERRY RAFFERTY AND HIS "BAKER
STREET."
YOU KNOW, I ALWAYS WONDERED

STREET."
YOU KNOW, I ALWAYS WONDERED
WHAT THE HECK HE MEANT BY "BAKER

YOU KNOW, I ALWAYS WONDERED
WHAT THE HECK HE MEANT BY "BAKER
STREET"... WHERE IS IT?

WHAT THE HECK HE MEANT BY "BAKER
STREET"... WHERE IS IT?
WHAT IS IT?

STREET"... WHERE IS IT?
WHAT IS IT?
SOMEBODY GIVE ME A PHONE CALL IF

WHAT IS IT?
SOMEBODY GIVE ME A PHONE CALL IF
YOU KNOW THE STORY ON

SOMEBODY GIVE ME A PHONE CALL IF
YOU KNOW THE STORY ON
BAKER STREET, HUH?

YOU KNOW THE STORY ON
BAKER STREET, HUH?
555-2150.

BAKER STREET, HUH?
555-2150.
AND NOW WE'RE GONNA HAVE A

555-2150.
AND NOW WE'RE GONNA HAVE A
WEATHER UPDATE, I HOPE, FROM

AND NOW WE'RE GONNA HAVE A
WEATHER UPDATE, I HOPE, FROM
TODD SWEENEY.

WEATHER UPDATE, I HOPE, FROM
TODD SWEENEY.
AND, UH, TODD, MOVE IN HERE.

TODD SWEENEY.
AND, UH, TODD, MOVE IN HERE.
TELL US WHAT KIND OF DAY IT IS

AND, UH, TODD, MOVE IN HERE.
TELL US WHAT KIND OF DAY IT IS
TODAY.

TELL US WHAT KIND OF DAY IT IS
TODAY.
WELL, THANK YOU, DICK.

TODAY.
WELL, THANK YOU, DICK.
CLEARING TO PARTLY SUNNY TODAY,

WELL, THANK YOU, DICK.
CLEARING TO PARTLY SUNNY TODAY,
WINDS STEADY TO THE NORTHEAST AT

CLEARING TO PARTLY SUNNY TODAY,
WINDS STEADY TO THE NORTHEAST AT
15 MILES AN HOUR, PICKING UP TO

WINDS STEADY TO THE NORTHEAST AT
15 MILES AN HOUR, PICKING UP TO
35 MILES AN HOUR THIS AFTERNOON.

15 MILES AN HOUR, PICKING UP TO
35 MILES AN HOUR THIS AFTERNOON.
THE BAROMETER IS 28.90 AND

35 MILES AN HOUR THIS AFTERNOON.
THE BAROMETER IS 28.90 AND
FALLING PRETTY QUICKLY NOW.

THE BAROMETER IS 28.90 AND
FALLING PRETTY QUICKLY NOW.
THE CHANCE OF PRECIPITATION IS

FALLING PRETTY QUICKLY NOW.
THE CHANCE OF PRECIPITATION IS
NEAR ZERO THIS MORNING, 20% THIS

THE CHANCE OF PRECIPITATION IS
NEAR ZERO THIS MORNING, 20% THIS
AFTERNOON AND 20% TONIGHT.

NEAR ZERO THIS MORNING, 20% THIS
AFTERNOON AND 20% TONIGHT.
TEMPERATURES WILL BE 10 TO 12

AFTERNOON AND 20% TONIGHT.
TEMPERATURES WILL BE 10 TO 12
DEGREES BELOW NORMAL FOR THIS

TEMPERATURES WILL BE 10 TO 12
DEGREES BELOW NORMAL FOR THIS
TIME OF YEAR AND, UH, WE CAN

DEGREES BELOW NORMAL FOR THIS
TIME OF YEAR AND, UH, WE CAN
LOOK FOR MORE OF THAT IN THE

TIME OF YEAR AND, UH, WE CAN
LOOK FOR MORE OF THAT IN THE
NEXT FEW DAYS.

LOOK FOR MORE OF THAT IN THE
NEXT FEW DAYS.
NOW BACK TO MORE MUSIC WITH

NEXT FEW DAYS.
NOW BACK TO MORE MUSIC WITH
DICK LANKY.

NOW BACK TO MORE MUSIC WITH
DICK LANKY.
THANK YOU, TODD.

DICK LANKY.
THANK YOU, TODD.
WHAT'S THE TEMPERATURE RIGHT

THANK YOU, TODD.
WHAT'S THE TEMPERATURE RIGHT
NOW?

WHAT'S THE TEMPERATURE RIGHT
NOW?
UH... UHH...

NOW?
UH... UHH...
UH, DIDN'T I... DIDN'T I

UH... UHH...
UH, DIDN'T I... DIDN'T I
READ IT?

UH, DIDN'T I... DIDN'T I
READ IT?
OH, I GUESS... GUESS WE DIDN'T

READ IT?
OH, I GUESS... GUESS WE DIDN'T
GET IT YET.

OH, I GUESS... GUESS WE DIDN'T
GET IT YET.
WE... I HAVEN'T BEEN OUT, SO I

GET IT YET.
WE... I HAVEN'T BEEN OUT, SO I
DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.

WE... I HAVEN'T BEEN OUT, SO I
DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.
ALL RIGHT, OUT THERE, GIVE ME

DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.
ALL RIGHT, OUT THERE, GIVE ME
THE TEMPERATURE.

ALL RIGHT, OUT THERE, GIVE ME
THE TEMPERATURE.
COME ON, IF YOU KNOW OUT THERE,

THE TEMPERATURE.
COME ON, IF YOU KNOW OUT THERE,
GIVE ME A PHONE CALL.

COME ON, IF YOU KNOW OUT THERE,
GIVE ME A PHONE CALL.
WE GOT TO KNOW.

GIVE ME A PHONE CALL.
WE GOT TO KNOW.
WE'LL LET EVERYBODY ELSE KNOW.

WE GOT TO KNOW.
WE'LL LET EVERYBODY ELSE KNOW.
ALL RIGHT, BREAKFAST WITH LANKY,

WE'LL LET EVERYBODY ELSE KNOW.
ALL RIGHT, BREAKFAST WITH LANKY,
HELLO?

ALL RIGHT, BREAKFAST WITH LANKY,
HELLO?
Hey, Dick, it's 28 degrees

HELLO?
Hey, Dick, it's 28 degrees
right now.

Hey, Dick, it's 28 degrees
right now.
UH, THANK YOU.

Right now.
UH, THANK YOU.
28 DEGREES, EVERYBODY.

UH, THANK YOU.
28 DEGREES, EVERYBODY.
Yeah, and I was wondering...

28 DEGREES, EVERYBODY.
Yeah, and I was wondering...
my husband and I flew on Eastern

Yeah, and I was wondering...
my husband and I flew on Eastern
Airlines recently from Atlanta

my husband and I flew on Eastern
Airlines recently from Atlanta
to Chicago, and our pilot looked

Airlines recently from Atlanta
to Chicago, and our pilot looked
exactly like Frank Borman.

To Chicago, and our pilot looked
exactly like Frank Borman.
I'd like to know if he actually

exactly like Frank Borman.
I'd like to know if he actually
flies any of those planes.

I'd like to know if he actually
flies any of those planes.
WELL, I'M SURE HE'S QUALIFIED

flies any of those planes.
WELL, I'M SURE HE'S QUALIFIED
IF HE CAN FLY TO THE MOON, FOR

WELL, I'M SURE HE'S QUALIFIED
IF HE CAN FLY TO THE MOON, FOR
HEAVEN'S SAKE.

IF HE CAN FLY TO THE MOON, FOR
HEAVEN'S SAKE.
BUT LET'S FIND OUT, OKAY.

HEAVEN'S SAKE.
BUT LET'S FIND OUT, OKAY.
WE'LL DO THAT THIS MORNING.

BUT LET'S FIND OUT, OKAY.
WE'LL DO THAT THIS MORNING.
ANYBODY, WHO KNOWS THE NUMBER...

WE'LL DO THAT THIS MORNING.
ANYBODY, WHO KNOWS THE NUMBER...
EASTERN AIRLINES' HOME OFFICE?

ANYBODY, WHO KNOWS THE NUMBER...
EASTERN AIRLINES' HOME OFFICE?
COME ON, LET'S CALL UP

EASTERN AIRLINES' HOME OFFICE?
COME ON, LET'S CALL UP
FRANK BORMAN THIS MORNING, ALL

COME ON, LET'S CALL UP
FRANK BORMAN THIS MORNING, ALL
RIGHT?

FRANK BORMAN THIS MORNING, ALL
RIGHT?
HELLO?

RIGHT?
HELLO?
Yes, I saw in the news in

HELLO?
Yes, I saw in the news in
New York City about this kid who

Yes, I saw in the news in
New York City about this kid who
needs pregnant mothers' milk

New York City about this kid who
needs pregnant mothers' milk
to stay alive.

Needs pregnant mothers' milk
to stay alive.
YES.

To stay alive.
YES.
I have some, and I'd like to

YES.
I have some, and I'd like to
know how to send it.

I have some, and I'd like to
know how to send it.
YOU KNOW, WE'VE BEEN GETTING

know how to send it.
YOU KNOW, WE'VE BEEN GETTING
A LOT OF CALLS ON THAT.

YOU KNOW, WE'VE BEEN GETTING
A LOT OF CALLS ON THAT.
HE'S A LITTLE BOY NAMED

A LOT OF CALLS ON THAT.
HE'S A LITTLE BOY NAMED
JOEY SULLIVAN IN RUMSON,

HE'S A LITTLE BOY NAMED
JOEY SULLIVAN IN RUMSON,
NEW JERSEY, AND WE HOPE HE GETS

JOEY SULLIVAN IN RUMSON,
NEW JERSEY, AND WE HOPE HE GETS
WELL SOON.

NEW JERSEY, AND WE HOPE HE GETS
WELL SOON.
YOU CAN CALL 201-555-5327 TO

WELL SOON.
YOU CAN CALL 201-555-5327 TO
GIVE HIM A HAND.

YOU CAN CALL 201-555-5327 TO
GIVE HIM A HAND.
WE'RE ALL PULLIN' FOR YOU, AND

GIVE HIM A HAND.
WE'RE ALL PULLIN' FOR YOU, AND
YOU KNOW THAT.

WE'RE ALL PULLIN' FOR YOU, AND
YOU KNOW THAT.
THANKS A LOT... APPRECIATE IT.

YOU KNOW THAT.
THANKS A LOT... APPRECIATE IT.
HELLO?

THANKS A LOT... APPRECIATE IT.
HELLO?
Hey, Dick, the number for

HELLO?
Hey, Dick, the number for
Eastern's home office...

Hey, Dick, the number for
Eastern's home office...
YEAH.

Eastern's home office...
YEAH.
311-555-4915.

YEAH.
311-555-4915.
It's in Miami.

311-555-4915.
It's in Miami.
OH, MIAMI... THANKS A LOT.

It's in Miami.
OH, MIAMI... THANKS A LOT.
I APPRECIATE IT.

OH, MIAMI... THANKS A LOT.
I APPRECIATE IT.
THANKS A LOT.

I APPRECIATE IT.
THANKS A LOT.
HEY.

THANKS A LOT.
HEY.
Operator.

HEY.
Operator.
YEAH.

Operator.
YEAH.
YEAH, OPERATOR, DICK LANKY AT

YEAH.
YEAH, OPERATOR, DICK LANKY AT
WGN RADIO.

YEAH, OPERATOR, DICK LANKY AT
WGN RADIO.
HEY, WE GOT TO CALL

WGN RADIO.
HEY, WE GOT TO CALL
EASTERN AIRLINES IN MIAMI.

HEY, WE GOT TO CALL
EASTERN AIRLINES IN MIAMI.
WE'RE TALKIN' TO FRANK BORMAN

EASTERN AIRLINES IN MIAMI.
WE'RE TALKIN' TO FRANK BORMAN
THIS MORNING, HOPEFULLY.

WE'RE TALKIN' TO FRANK BORMAN
THIS MORNING, HOPEFULLY.
IT'S 311-555-4915, PLEASE.

THIS MORNING, HOPEFULLY.
IT'S 311-555-4915, PLEASE.
[Telephone dialing]

IT'S 311-555-4915, PLEASE.
[Telephone dialing]
ROCK HUDSON IS 61 TODAY.

[Telephone dialing]
ROCK HUDSON IS 61 TODAY.
AUDREY HEPBURN IS 50.

ROCK HUDSON IS 61 TODAY.
AUDREY HEPBURN IS 50.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

AUDREY HEPBURN IS 50.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
I'D DO IT IN A MINUTE.

I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
I'D DO IT IN A MINUTE.
HOW ABOUT YOU?

I'D DO IT IN A MINUTE.
HOW ABOUT YOU?
Eastern Airlines.

HOW ABOUT YOU?
Eastern Airlines.
YEAH, DICK LANKY, WGN IN

Eastern Airlines.
YEAH, DICK LANKY, WGN IN
CHICAGO.

YEAH, DICK LANKY, WGN IN
CHICAGO.
I'M ON THE AIR.

CHICAGO.
I'M ON THE AIR.
I'D LIKE TO TALK TO

I'M ON THE AIR.
I'D LIKE TO TALK TO
FRANK BORMAN.

I'D LIKE TO TALK TO
FRANK BORMAN.
Hold on, I'll connect you to

FRANK BORMAN.
Hold on, I'll connect you to
Promotion.

Hold on, I'll connect you to
Promotion.
[Telephone ringing]

Promotion.
[Telephone ringing]
SAY, IF YOU NEED A FREE CHEST

[Telephone ringing]
SAY, IF YOU NEED A FREE CHEST
X-RAY, THE MOBILE UNIT'S GONNA

SAY, IF YOU NEED A FREE CHEST
X-RAY, THE MOBILE UNIT'S GONNA
BE AT OAK PARK MONDAY AND

X-RAY, THE MOBILE UNIT'S GONNA
BE AT OAK PARK MONDAY AND
TUESDAY, SO GET OUT THERE AND

BE AT OAK PARK MONDAY AND
TUESDAY, SO GET OUT THERE AND
CHECK IT OUT.

TUESDAY, SO GET OUT THERE AND
CHECK IT OUT.
Mr. Hidey's office, Eastern

CHECK IT OUT.
Mr. Hidey's office, Eastern
Promotion.

Mr. Hidey's office, Eastern
Promotion.
UH, DICK LANKY, WGN CHICAGO,

Promotion.
UH, DICK LANKY, WGN CHICAGO,
CALLING.

UH, DICK LANKY, WGN CHICAGO,
CALLING.
What is this in regard to?

CALLING.
What is this in regard to?
I WANT TO TALK TO

What is this in regard to?
I WANT TO TALK TO
FRANK BORMAN TO SEE IF HE FLEW A

I WANT TO TALK TO
FRANK BORMAN TO SEE IF HE FLEW A
PLANE FROM ATLANTA TO CHICAGO

FRANK BORMAN TO SEE IF HE FLEW A
PLANE FROM ATLANTA TO CHICAGO
LAST WEEK.

PLANE FROM ATLANTA TO CHICAGO
LAST WEEK.
Uh, I wouldn't know that.

LAST WEEK.
Uh, I wouldn't know that.
I don't think anyone here in

Uh, I wouldn't know that.
I don't think anyone here in
the Promotion Department would

I don't think anyone here in
the Promotion Department would
know.

The Promotion Department would
know.
WELL, WHERE IS FRANK?

Know.
WELL, WHERE IS FRANK?
WHERE IS FRANK?

WELL, WHERE IS FRANK?
WHERE IS FRANK?
Mr. Borman is in Montreal

WHERE IS FRANK?
Mr. Borman is in Montreal
right now.

Mr. Borman is in Montreal
right now.
WHERE IS HE STAYING, DO YOU

right now.
WHERE IS HE STAYING, DO YOU
KNOW?

WHERE IS HE STAYING, DO YOU
KNOW?
I'm afraid I can't release

KNOW?
I'm afraid I can't release
that information.

I'm afraid I can't release
that information.
WELL, WE'RE ON THE AIR RIGHT

that information.
WELL, WE'RE ON THE AIR RIGHT
NOW.

WELL, WE'RE ON THE AIR RIGHT
NOW.
UH... OKAY, I'LL TRY SOMEONE

NOW.
UH... OKAY, I'LL TRY SOMEONE
ELSE.

UH... OKAY, I'LL TRY SOMEONE
ELSE.
THANK YOU.

ELSE.
THANK YOU.
HEY, WHO OUT THERE KNOWS

THANK YOU.
HEY, WHO OUT THERE KNOWS
FRANK BORMAN'S NUMBER IN

HEY, WHO OUT THERE KNOWS
FRANK BORMAN'S NUMBER IN
MONTREAL?

FRANK BORMAN'S NUMBER IN
MONTREAL?
GIVE ME A PHONE CALL, WILL YOU?

MONTREAL?
GIVE ME A PHONE CALL, WILL YOU?
YOU KNOW, THE LARGEST LAKE IN

GIVE ME A PHONE CALL, WILL YOU?
YOU KNOW, THE LARGEST LAKE IN
THE WORLD IS THE CASPIAN SEA.

YOU KNOW, THE LARGEST LAKE IN
THE WORLD IS THE CASPIAN SEA.
UH-OH!

THE WORLD IS THE CASPIAN SEA.
UH-OH!
I THINK WE MUST HAVE... OH!

UH-OH!
I THINK WE MUST HAVE... OH!
I WISH YOU COULD SEE WHAT'S

I THINK WE MUST HAVE... OH!
I WISH YOU COULD SEE WHAT'S
HAPPENING HERE.

I WISH YOU COULD SEE WHAT'S
HAPPENING HERE.
WE MUST HAVE MET OUR GOAL ON THE

HAPPENING HERE.
WE MUST HAVE MET OUR GOAL ON THE
BLOOD DONATIONS FOR THE TAGGERT

WE MUST HAVE MET OUR GOAL ON THE
BLOOD DONATIONS FOR THE TAGGERT
TWINS BECAUSE THE LOBSTERS FROM

BLOOD DONATIONS FOR THE TAGGERT
TWINS BECAUSE THE LOBSTERS FROM
ALLGAUER'S JUST ARRIVED.

TWINS BECAUSE THE LOBSTERS FROM
ALLGAUER'S JUST ARRIVED.
ARE THESE FLOWN IN LIVE FROM

ALLGAUER'S JUST ARRIVED.
ARE THESE FLOWN IN LIVE FROM
MAINE EVERY DAY?

ARE THESE FLOWN IN LIVE FROM
MAINE EVERY DAY?
NO.

MAINE EVERY DAY?
NO.
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S

NO.
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!

LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
[BAND PLAYS]

"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
[BAND PLAYS]
Announcer: IT'S

[BAND PLAYS]
Announcer: IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE."

WITH RICK NELSON...

STARRING DAN AYKROYD...
JOHN BELUSHI...
JANE CURTIN...

JOHN BELUSHI...
JANE CURTIN...
GARRETT MORRIS...

JANE CURTIN...
GARRETT MORRIS...
BILL MURRAY...

GARRETT MORRIS...
BILL MURRAY...
LARAINE NEWMAN...

BILL MURRAY...
LARAINE NEWMAN...
AND GILDA RADNER.

WITH MUSICAL GUEST JUDY COLLINS.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
RICK NELSON.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

ALL RIGHT.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
IT'S A REAL HONOR TO BE HERE

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
IT'S A REAL HONOR TO BE HERE
TONIGHT.

IT'S A REAL HONOR TO BE HERE
TONIGHT.
IT REALLY IS.

TONIGHT.
IT REALLY IS.
THIS IS PROBABLY THE FIRST TIME

IT REALLY IS.
THIS IS PROBABLY THE FIRST TIME
MOST OF YOU HAVE EVER SEEN ME IN

THIS IS PROBABLY THE FIRST TIME
MOST OF YOU HAVE EVER SEEN ME IN
COLOR, I GUESS, HUH?

MOST OF YOU HAVE EVER SEEN ME IN
COLOR, I GUESS, HUH?
[LAUGHTER]

COLOR, I GUESS, HUH?
[LAUGHTER]
BUT IF YOU FEEL IT'S NOT JUST

[LAUGHTER]
BUT IF YOU FEEL IT'S NOT JUST
THE SAME AS IT WAS, AND YOU'D

BUT IF YOU FEEL IT'S NOT JUST
THE SAME AS IT WAS, AND YOU'D
RATHER HAVE THE OLD

THE SAME AS IT WAS, AND YOU'D
RATHER HAVE THE OLD
BLACK-AND-WHITE RICKY, THEN TURN

RATHER HAVE THE OLD
BLACK-AND-WHITE RICKY, THEN TURN
THE COLOR CONTROL DOWN ON YOUR

BLACK-AND-WHITE RICKY, THEN TURN
THE COLOR CONTROL DOWN ON YOUR
TV A LITTLE BIT, AND MAYBE IT'LL

THE COLOR CONTROL DOWN ON YOUR
TV A LITTLE BIT, AND MAYBE IT'LL
BE JUST LIKE THE OLD TIMES.

TV A LITTLE BIT, AND MAYBE IT'LL
BE JUST LIKE THE OLD TIMES.
[INTRO TO "HELLO MARY LOU"

BE JUST LIKE THE OLD TIMES.
[INTRO TO "HELLO MARY LOU"
PLAYS]

[INTRO TO "HELLO MARY LOU"
PLAYS]
♪ HELLO, MARY LOU,

[PLAYS]
♪ HELLO, MARY LOU,
GOODBYE, HEART ♪

♪ HELLO, MARY LOU,
GOODBYE, HEART ♪
♪ SWEET MARY LOU, I'M SO IN LOVE

GOODBYE, HEART ♪
♪ SWEET MARY LOU, I'M SO IN LOVE
WITH YOU ♪

♪ SWEET MARY LOU, I'M SO IN LOVE
WITH YOU ♪
♪ I KNEW, MARY LOU,

WITH YOU ♪
♪ I KNEW, MARY LOU,
WE'D NEVER PART ♪

♪ I KNEW, MARY LOU,
WE'D NEVER PART ♪
♪ SO HELLO, MARY LOU,

WE'D NEVER PART ♪
♪ SO HELLO, MARY LOU,
GOODBYE, HEART ♪

♪ SO HELLO, MARY LOU,
GOODBYE, HEART ♪
♪ I SAW YOUR LIPS,

GOODBYE, HEART ♪
♪ I SAW YOUR LIPS,
I HEARD YOUR VOICE ♪

♪ I SAW YOUR LIPS,
I HEARD YOUR VOICE ♪
♪ BELIEVE ME, I JUST HAD

I HEARD YOUR VOICE ♪
♪ BELIEVE ME, I JUST HAD
NO CHOICE ♪

♪ BELIEVE ME, I JUST HAD
NO CHOICE ♪
♪ WILD HORSES COULDN'T MAKE ME

NO CHOICE ♪
♪ WILD HORSES COULDN'T MAKE ME
STAY AWAY ♪

♪ WILD HORSES COULDN'T MAKE ME
STAY AWAY ♪
♪ I THOUGHT ABOUT

STAY AWAY ♪
♪ I THOUGHT ABOUT
A MOONLIT NIGHT ♪

♪ I THOUGHT ABOUT
A MOONLIT NIGHT ♪
♪ MY ARMS AROUND YOU

A MOONLIT NIGHT ♪
♪ MY ARMS AROUND YOU
GOOD AND TIGHT ♪

♪ MY ARMS AROUND YOU
GOOD AND TIGHT ♪
♪ THAT'S ALL I HAD TO SEE

GOOD AND TIGHT ♪
♪ THAT'S ALL I HAD TO SEE
FOR ME TO SAY ♪

♪ THAT'S ALL I HAD TO SEE
FOR ME TO SAY ♪
♪ HEY, HEY, HELLO, MARY LOU,

FOR ME TO SAY ♪
♪ HEY, HEY, HELLO, MARY LOU,
GOODBYE, HEART ♪

♪ HEY, HEY, HELLO, MARY LOU,
GOODBYE, HEART ♪
♪ SWEET MARY LOU, I'M SO IN LOVE

GOODBYE, HEART ♪
♪ SWEET MARY LOU, I'M SO IN LOVE
WITH YOU ♪

♪ SWEET MARY LOU, I'M SO IN LOVE
WITH YOU ♪
♪ I KNEW, MARY LOU,

WITH YOU ♪
♪ I KNEW, MARY LOU,
WE'D NEVER PART ♪

♪ I KNEW, MARY LOU,
WE'D NEVER PART ♪
♪ SO HELLO, MARY LOU,

WE'D NEVER PART ♪
♪ SO HELLO, MARY LOU,
GOODBYE, HEART ♪

♪ SO HELLO, MARY LOU,
GOODBYE, HEART ♪
ALL RIGHT!

GOODBYE, HEART ♪
ALL RIGHT!
[GUITAR SOLO PLAYS]

♪ I SAW YOUR LIPS,
I HEARD YOUR VOICE ♪
♪ BELIEVE ME, I JUST HAD

I HEARD YOUR VOICE ♪
♪ BELIEVE ME, I JUST HAD
NO CHOICE ♪

♪ BELIEVE ME, I JUST HAD
NO CHOICE ♪
♪ WILD HORSES COULDN'T MAKE ME

NO CHOICE ♪
♪ WILD HORSES COULDN'T MAKE ME
STAY AWAY ♪

♪ WILD HORSES COULDN'T MAKE ME
STAY AWAY ♪
♪ I THOUGHT ABOUT

STAY AWAY ♪
♪ I THOUGHT ABOUT
A MOONLIT NIGHT ♪

♪ I THOUGHT ABOUT
A MOONLIT NIGHT ♪
♪ MY ARMS AROUND YOU

A MOONLIT NIGHT ♪
♪ MY ARMS AROUND YOU
GOOD AND TIGHT ♪

♪ MY ARMS AROUND YOU
GOOD AND TIGHT ♪
♪ THAT'S ALL I HAD TO SEE

GOOD AND TIGHT ♪
♪ THAT'S ALL I HAD TO SEE
FOR ME TO SAY ♪

♪ THAT'S ALL I HAD TO SEE
FOR ME TO SAY ♪
♪ HEY, HEY, HELLO, MARY LOU,

FOR ME TO SAY ♪
♪ HEY, HEY, HELLO, MARY LOU,
GOODBYE, HEART ♪

♪ HEY, HEY, HELLO, MARY LOU,
GOODBYE, HEART ♪
♪ SWEET MARY LOU, I'M SO IN LOVE

GOODBYE, HEART ♪
♪ SWEET MARY LOU, I'M SO IN LOVE
WITH YOU ♪

♪ SWEET MARY LOU, I'M SO IN LOVE
WITH YOU ♪
♪ I KNEW, MARY LOU,

WITH YOU ♪
♪ I KNEW, MARY LOU,
WE'D NEVER PART ♪

♪ I KNEW, MARY LOU,
WE'D NEVER PART ♪
♪ SO HELLO, MARY LOU,

WE'D NEVER PART ♪
♪ SO HELLO, MARY LOU,
GOODBYE, HEART ♪

♪ SO HELLO, MARY LOU,
GOODBYE, HEART ♪
♪ YES, HELLO, MARY LOU,

GOODBYE, HEART ♪
♪ YES, HELLO, MARY LOU,
GOODBYE, HEART ♪

♪ YES, HELLO, MARY LOU,
GOODBYE, HEART ♪
♪ WELL, HELLO, MARY LOU,

GOODBYE, HEART ♪
♪ WELL, HELLO, MARY LOU,
GOODBYE, HEART ♪

♪ WELL, HELLO, MARY LOU,
GOODBYE, HEART ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

GOODBYE, HEART ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[INTRO TO "TRAVELIN' MAN"

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[INTRO TO "TRAVELIN' MAN"
PLAYS]

[INTRO TO "TRAVELIN' MAN"
PLAYS]
♪ I'M A TRAVELIN' MAN ♪

[PLAYS]
♪ I'M A TRAVELIN' MAN ♪
♪ I'VE MADE A LOT OF STOPS

♪ I'M A TRAVELIN' MAN ♪
♪ I'VE MADE A LOT OF STOPS
ALL OVER THE WORLD ♪

♪ I'VE MADE A LOT OF STOPS
ALL OVER THE WORLD ♪
♪ AND IN EVERY PORT, I OWN

ALL OVER THE WORLD ♪
♪ AND IN EVERY PORT, I OWN
THE HEART OF AT LEAST

♪ AND IN EVERY PORT, I OWN
THE HEART OF AT LEAST
ONE LOVELY GIRL ♪

THE HEART OF AT LEAST
ONE LOVELY GIRL ♪
♪ I'VE A PRETTY SEÑORITA WAITIN'

ONE LOVELY GIRL ♪
♪ I'VE A PRETTY SEÑORITA WAITIN'
FOR ME DOWN IN OLD MEXICO ♪

♪ I'VE A PRETTY SEÑORITA WAITIN'
FOR ME DOWN IN OLD MEXICO ♪
♪ IF YOU'RE EVER IN ALASKA, STOP

FOR ME DOWN IN OLD MEXICO ♪
♪ IF YOU'RE EVER IN ALASKA, STOP
AND SEE MY CUTE LITTLE ESKIMO ♪

♪ IF YOU'RE EVER IN ALASKA, STOP
AND SEE MY CUTE LITTLE ESKIMO ♪
♪ OH, MY SWEET FRAULEIN

AND SEE MY CUTE LITTLE ESKIMO ♪
♪ OH, MY SWEET FRAULEIN
DOWN IN BERLIN TOWN

♪ OH, MY SWEET FRAULEIN
DOWN IN BERLIN TOWN
MAKES MY HEART START TO YEARN ♪

DOWN IN BERLIN TOWN
MAKES MY HEART START TO YEARN ♪
♪ AND MY CHINA DOLL DOWN IN OLD

MAKES MY HEART START TO YEARN ♪
♪ AND MY CHINA DOLL DOWN IN OLD
HONG KONG WAITS FOR MY RETURN ♪

♪ AND MY CHINA DOLL DOWN IN OLD
HONG KONG WAITS FOR MY RETURN ♪
♪ PRETTY POLYNESIAN BABY

HONG KONG WAITS FOR MY RETURN ♪
♪ PRETTY POLYNESIAN BABY
OVER THE SEA ♪

♪ PRETTY POLYNESIAN BABY
OVER THE SEA ♪
♪ I REMEMBER THE NIGHT WHEN WE

OVER THE SEA ♪
♪ I REMEMBER THE NIGHT WHEN WE
WALKED IN THE SANDS OF WAIKIKI

♪ I REMEMBER THE NIGHT WHEN WE
WALKED IN THE SANDS OF WAIKIKI
AND I HELD YOU OH, SO TIGHT ♪

WALKED IN THE SANDS OF WAIKIKI
AND I HELD YOU OH, SO TIGHT ♪
YEAH, COME ON!

AND I HELD YOU OH, SO TIGHT ♪
YEAH, COME ON!
[GUITAR SOLO PLAYS]

♪ OH, MY SWEET FRAULEIN
DOWN IN BERLIN TOWN
MAKES MY HEART START TO YEARN ♪

DOWN IN BERLIN TOWN
MAKES MY HEART START TO YEARN ♪
♪ AND MY CHINA DOLL DOWN IN OLD

MAKES MY HEART START TO YEARN ♪
♪ AND MY CHINA DOLL DOWN IN OLD
HONG KONG WAITS FOR MY RETURN ♪

♪ AND MY CHINA DOLL DOWN IN OLD
HONG KONG WAITS FOR MY RETURN ♪
♪ PRETTY POLYNESIAN BABY

HONG KONG WAITS FOR MY RETURN ♪
♪ PRETTY POLYNESIAN BABY
OVER THE SEA ♪

♪ PRETTY POLYNESIAN BABY
OVER THE SEA ♪
♪ I REMEMBER THE NIGHT WHEN WE

OVER THE SEA ♪
♪ I REMEMBER THE NIGHT WHEN WE
WALKED IN THE SANDS OF WAIKIKI

♪ I REMEMBER THE NIGHT WHEN WE
WALKED IN THE SANDS OF WAIKIKI
AND I HELD YOU OH, SO TIGHT ♪

WALKED IN THE SANDS OF WAIKIKI
AND I HELD YOU OH, SO TIGHT ♪
♪ OH, I'M A TRAVELIN' MAN ♪

AND I HELD YOU OH, SO TIGHT ♪
♪ OH, I'M A TRAVELIN' MAN ♪
♪ YES, I'M A TRAVELIN' MAN,

♪ OH, I'M A TRAVELIN' MAN ♪
♪ YES, I'M A TRAVELIN' MAN,
NOW ♪

♪ YES, I'M A TRAVELIN' MAN,
NOW ♪
♪ WELL, I'M A TRAVELIN' MAN ♪

NOW ♪
♪ WELL, I'M A TRAVELIN' MAN ♪
♪ MMM MMM-MM-MMM-MM ♪

♪ WELL, I'M A TRAVELIN' MAN ♪
♪ MMM MMM-MM-MMM-MM ♪
YEAH!

♪ MMM MMM-MM-MMM-MM ♪
YEAH!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

YEAH!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[INTRO TO "FOOLS RUSH IN"

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[INTRO TO "FOOLS RUSH IN"
PLAYS]

[INTRO TO "FOOLS RUSH IN"
PLAYS]
♪ FOOLS RUSH IN ♪

[PLAYS]
♪ FOOLS RUSH IN ♪
♪ OOH OOH ♪

♪ FOOLS RUSH IN ♪
♪ OOH OOH ♪
♪ WHERE ANGELS FEAR

♪ OOH OOH ♪
♪ WHERE ANGELS FEAR
TO TREAD ♪

♪ WHERE ANGELS FEAR
TO TREAD ♪
♪ OOH OOH ♪

TO TREAD ♪
♪ OOH OOH ♪
♪ AND SO I COME TO YOU,

♪ OOH OOH ♪
♪ AND SO I COME TO YOU,
MY LOVE ♪

♪ AND SO I COME TO YOU,
MY LOVE ♪
♪ OOH OOH ♪

MY LOVE ♪
♪ OOH OOH ♪
♪ MY HEART ABOVE MY HEAD ♪

♪ OOH OOH ♪
♪ MY HEART ABOVE MY HEAD ♪
♪ THOUGH I SEE

♪ MY HEART ABOVE MY HEAD ♪
♪ THOUGH I SEE
THE DANGER THERE ♪

♪ THOUGH I SEE
THE DANGER THERE ♪
♪ IF THERE'S A CHANCE FOR ME ♪

THE DANGER THERE ♪
♪ IF THERE'S A CHANCE FOR ME ♪
♪ OOOOOOH ♪

♪ IF THERE'S A CHANCE FOR ME ♪
♪ OOOOOOH ♪
♪ THEN I DON'T CARE ♪

♪ OOOOOOH ♪
♪ THEN I DON'T CARE ♪
♪ FOOLS RUSH IN ♪

♪ THEN I DON'T CARE ♪
♪ FOOLS RUSH IN ♪
♪ OOH OOH ♪

♪ FOOLS RUSH IN ♪
♪ OOH OOH ♪
♪ WHERE WISE MEN NEVER GO ♪

♪ OOH OOH ♪
♪ WHERE WISE MEN NEVER GO ♪
♪ OOH OOH ♪

♪ WHERE WISE MEN NEVER GO ♪
♪ OOH OOH ♪
♪ BUT WISE MEN NEVER FALL

♪ OOH OOH ♪
♪ BUT WISE MEN NEVER FALL
IN LOVE ♪

♪ BUT WISE MEN NEVER FALL
IN LOVE ♪
♪ OOH OOH ♪

IN LOVE ♪
♪ OOH OOH ♪
♪ SO HOW ARE THEY TO KNOW? ♪

♪ OOH OOH ♪
♪ SO HOW ARE THEY TO KNOW? ♪
♪ OOOOOOH ♪

♪ SO HOW ARE THEY TO KNOW? ♪
♪ OOOOOOH ♪
♪ WHEN WE MET,

♪ OOOOOOH ♪
♪ WHEN WE MET,
I FELT MY LIFE BEGIN ♪

♪ WHEN WE MET,
I FELT MY LIFE BEGIN ♪
♪ SO OPEN UP YOUR HEART

I FELT MY LIFE BEGIN ♪
♪ SO OPEN UP YOUR HEART
AND LET THIS FOOL RUSH IN ♪

♪ SO OPEN UP YOUR HEART
AND LET THIS FOOL RUSH IN ♪
[GUITAR SOLO PLAYS]

AND LET THIS FOOL RUSH IN ♪
[GUITAR SOLO PLAYS]
♪ OOH OOH ♪

[GUITAR SOLO PLAYS]
♪ OOH OOH ♪
♪ OOH OOH ♪

♪ OOH OOH ♪
♪ OOH OOH ♪
♪ OOOOOOH ♪

♪ OOH OOH ♪
♪ OOOOOOH ♪
♪ WHEN WE MET,

♪ OOOOOOH ♪
♪ WHEN WE MET,
I FELT MY LIFE BEGIN ♪

♪ WHEN WE MET,
I FELT MY LIFE BEGIN ♪
♪ SO OPEN UP YOUR HEART

I FELT MY LIFE BEGIN ♪
♪ SO OPEN UP YOUR HEART
AND LET THIS FOOL RUSH IN ♪

♪ SO OPEN UP YOUR HEART
AND LET THIS FOOL RUSH IN ♪
♪ JUST OPEN UP YOUR HEART

AND LET THIS FOOL RUSH IN ♪
♪ JUST OPEN UP YOUR HEART
AND LET THIS FOOL RUSH IN ♪

♪ JUST OPEN UP YOUR HEART
AND LET THIS FOOL RUSH IN ♪
♪ WELL, OPEN UP YOUR HEART

AND LET THIS FOOL RUSH IN ♪
♪ WELL, OPEN UP YOUR HEART
AND LET THIS FOOL RUSH IN ♪

♪ WELL, OPEN UP YOUR HEART
AND LET THIS FOOL RUSH IN ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AND LET THIS FOOL RUSH IN ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

THANK YOU.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
[APPLAUSE]

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
[APPLAUSE]
["TWILIGHT ZONE" THEME PLAYS]

[APPLAUSE]
["TWILIGHT ZONE" THEME PLAYS]
YOU'RE TRAVELING TO ANOTHER

["TWILIGHT ZONE" THEME PLAYS]
YOU'RE TRAVELING TO ANOTHER
DIMENSION, A DIMENSION OF TIME

YOU'RE TRAVELING TO ANOTHER
DIMENSION, A DIMENSION OF TIME
AND SPACE, A DIMENSION OF SIGHT

DIMENSION, A DIMENSION OF TIME
AND SPACE, A DIMENSION OF SIGHT
AND OF MIND.

AND SPACE, A DIMENSION OF SIGHT
AND OF MIND.
YOU'RE MOVING INTO A LAND OF

AND OF MIND.
YOU'RE MOVING INTO A LAND OF
BOTH SHADOW AND SUBSTANCE.

YOU'RE MOVING INTO A LAND OF
BOTH SHADOW AND SUBSTANCE.
YOU'VE JUST CROSSED OVER

BOTH SHADOW AND SUBSTANCE.
YOU'VE JUST CROSSED OVER
INTO THE TWILIGHT ZONE.

YOU'VE JUST CROSSED OVER
INTO THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
HI, MOM, I'M HOME.

INTO THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
HI, MOM, I'M HOME.
MEET RICKY NELSON, AGE 16...

HI, MOM, I'M HOME.
MEET RICKY NELSON, AGE 16...
A TYPICAL AMERICAN KID IN A

MEET RICKY NELSON, AGE 16...
A TYPICAL AMERICAN KID IN A
TYPICAL AMERICAN KITCHEN IN A

A TYPICAL AMERICAN KID IN A
TYPICAL AMERICAN KITCHEN IN A
TYPICAL AMERICAN BLACK-AND-WHITE

TYPICAL AMERICAN KITCHEN IN A
TYPICAL AMERICAN BLACK-AND-WHITE
TV-FAMILY HOME.

TYPICAL AMERICAN BLACK-AND-WHITE
TV-FAMILY HOME.
BUT WHAT'S ABOUT TO HAPPEN TO

TV-FAMILY HOME.
BUT WHAT'S ABOUT TO HAPPEN TO
RICKY IS FAR FROM TYPICAL UNLESS

BUT WHAT'S ABOUT TO HAPPEN TO
RICKY IS FAR FROM TYPICAL UNLESS
YOU HAPPEN TO LIVE IN

RICKY IS FAR FROM TYPICAL UNLESS
YOU HAPPEN TO LIVE IN
THE TWILIGHT ZONE.

YOU HAPPEN TO LIVE IN
THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]

THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
OH, BEAVER, I'M GLAD YOU'RE

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
OH, BEAVER, I'M GLAD YOU'RE
HOME.

OH, BEAVER, I'M GLAD YOU'RE
HOME.
LARRY MONDELLO'S MOTHER CALLED,

HOME.
LARRY MONDELLO'S MOTHER CALLED,
AND SHE WOULD...

LARRY MONDELLO'S MOTHER CALLED,
AND SHE WOULD...
[CHUCKLES]

AND SHE WOULD...
[CHUCKLES]
WELL, YOU'RE NOT THE BEAVER.

[CHUCKLES]
WELL, YOU'RE NOT THE BEAVER.
AND YOU'RE NOT MY MOM.

WELL, YOU'RE NOT THE BEAVER.
AND YOU'RE NOT MY MOM.
WELL, I DON'T CARE WHO YOU

AND YOU'RE NOT MY MOM.
WELL, I DON'T CARE WHO YOU
ARE.

WELL, I DON'T CARE WHO YOU
ARE.
YOU MIGHT AS WELL STAY FOR

ARE.
YOU MIGHT AS WELL STAY FOR
DINNER.

YOU MIGHT AS WELL STAY FOR
DINNER.
GEE, THANKS.

DINNER.
GEE, THANKS.
OH, YOU BETTER CALL YOUR

GEE, THANKS.
OH, YOU BETTER CALL YOUR
FOLKS AND TELL THEM WHERE YOU

OH, YOU BETTER CALL YOUR
FOLKS AND TELL THEM WHERE YOU
ARE.

FOLKS AND TELL THEM WHERE YOU
ARE.
W-WHERE AM I?

ARE.
W-WHERE AM I?
AT THE CLEAVER HOUSEHOLD.

W-WHERE AM I?
AT THE CLEAVER HOUSEHOLD.
["LEAVE IT TO BEAVER" THEME

AT THE CLEAVER HOUSEHOLD.
["LEAVE IT TO BEAVER" THEME
PLAYS]

NOW, WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A
BROWNIE, BUT DON'T SPOIL YOUR
APPETITE.

BROWNIE, BUT DON'T SPOIL YOUR
APPETITE.
THANKS, MRS. CLEAVER.

OH, THEN YOU BETTER WASH UP.

HI, MOM.
MOM, I'M HOME.
HELLO, BEAVER.

MOM, I'M HOME.
HELLO, BEAVER.
HI, EDDIE.

HELLO, BEAVER.
HI, EDDIE.
HELLO, MRS. CLEAVER.

HI, EDDIE.
HELLO, MRS. CLEAVER.
MY, WHAT A LOVELY DRESS YOU

HELLO, MRS. CLEAVER.
MY, WHAT A LOVELY DRESS YOU
HAVE ON, MA'AM.

MY, WHAT A LOVELY DRESS YOU
HAVE ON, MA'AM.
THANK YOU, EDDIE.

HAVE ON, MA'AM.
THANK YOU, EDDIE.
WALLACE HAD BASKETBALL

THANK YOU, EDDIE.
WALLACE HAD BASKETBALL
PRACTICE SO I WENT OUT OF MY WAY

WALLACE HAD BASKETBALL
PRACTICE SO I WENT OUT OF MY WAY
TO WALK YOUNG THEODORE HOME.

PRACTICE SO I WENT OUT OF MY WAY
TO WALK YOUNG THEODORE HOME.
THANK YOU, EDDIE.

TO WALK YOUNG THEODORE HOME.
THANK YOU, EDDIE.
UM, WHO'S THIS, MOM?

THANK YOU, EDDIE.
UM, WHO'S THIS, MOM?
HE'S A NICE YOUNG MAN WHO'S

UM, WHO'S THIS, MOM?
HE'S A NICE YOUNG MAN WHO'S
LOOKING FOR HIS HOME.

HE'S A NICE YOUNG MAN WHO'S
LOOKING FOR HIS HOME.
GEE.

LOOKING FOR HIS HOME.
GEE.
YOU KNOW, EDDIE, I-I-I WAS

GEE.
YOU KNOW, EDDIE, I-I-I WAS
THINKIN', BEIN' WALKED HOME FROM

YOU KNOW, EDDIE, I-I-I WAS
THINKIN', BEIN' WALKED HOME FROM
SCHOOL AND STUFF, I GUESS IT'S

THINKIN', BEIN' WALKED HOME FROM
SCHOOL AND STUFF, I GUESS IT'S
OKAY 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, IF I

SCHOOL AND STUFF, I GUESS IT'S
OKAY 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, IF I
DIDN'T, I-I'D GET LOST LIKE

OKAY 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, IF I
DIDN'T, I-I'D GET LOST LIKE
THIS GUY IN OUR KITCHEN.

DIDN'T, I-I'D GET LOST LIKE
THIS GUY IN OUR KITCHEN.
EXCUSE ME, DO YOU PEOPLE

THIS GUY IN OUR KITCHEN.
EXCUSE ME, DO YOU PEOPLE
KNOW WHERE THE NELSONS LIVE?

EXCUSE ME, DO YOU PEOPLE
KNOW WHERE THE NELSONS LIVE?
"NELSON"... WHAT A LOVELY

KNOW WHERE THE NELSONS LIVE?
"NELSON"... WHAT A LOVELY
NAME.

"NELSON"... WHAT A LOVELY
NAME.
YEAH, SEE, I GOT TO GET HOME

NAME.
YEAH, SEE, I GOT TO GET HOME
BEFORE DINNER 'CAUSE THEY WORRY

YEAH, SEE, I GOT TO GET HOME
BEFORE DINNER 'CAUSE THEY WORRY
ABOUT ME.

SUBMITTED FOR YOUR
APPROVAL... A 16-YEAR-OLD
TEENAGER WALKING THROUGH

APPROVAL... A 16-YEAR-OLD
TEENAGER WALKING THROUGH
ANYTOWN, USA, PAST ENDLESS ELM

TEENAGER WALKING THROUGH
ANYTOWN, USA, PAST ENDLESS ELM
STREETS, OAK STREETS, AND

ANYTOWN, USA, PAST ENDLESS ELM
STREETS, OAK STREETS, AND
MAPLE STREETS, UNABLE TO

STREETS, OAK STREETS, AND
MAPLE STREETS, UNABLE TO
DISTINGUISH ONE HOUSE FROM THE

MAPLE STREETS, UNABLE TO
DISTINGUISH ONE HOUSE FROM THE
OTHER, FOR HE HAS JUST ENTERED A

DISTINGUISH ONE HOUSE FROM THE
OTHER, FOR HE HAS JUST ENTERED A
STRANGE NEIGHBORHOOD, A

OTHER, FOR HE HAS JUST ENTERED A
STRANGE NEIGHBORHOOD, A
NEIGHBORHOOD KNOWN AS

STRANGE NEIGHBORHOOD, A
NEIGHBORHOOD KNOWN AS
THE TWILIGHT ZONE.

HI, MOM, I'M HOME.
BUD, IS THAT YOU?
OH, HELLO, YOU MUST BE

BUD, IS THAT YOU?
OH, HELLO, YOU MUST BE
BETTY'S BLIND DATE.

OH, HELLO, YOU MUST BE
BETTY'S BLIND DATE.
[LAUGHS]

BETTY'S BLIND DATE.
[LAUGHS]
YOU'RE A LITTLE EARLY.

[LAUGHS]
YOU'RE A LITTLE EARLY.
I'M MRS. ANDERSON.

YOU'RE A LITTLE EARLY.
I'M MRS. ANDERSON.
["FATHER KNOWS BEST" THEME

I'M MRS. ANDERSON.
["FATHER KNOWS BEST" THEME
PLAYS]

BETTY'S UPSTAIRS GETTING READY.
OH, I'M SORRY.
I THOUGHT THIS WAS MY HOUSE.

OH, I'M SORRY.
I THOUGHT THIS WAS MY HOUSE.
MY NAME'S RICK NELSON.

I THOUGHT THIS WAS MY HOUSE.
MY NAME'S RICK NELSON.
"NELSON"... WHAT A LOVELY

MY NAME'S RICK NELSON.
"NELSON"... WHAT A LOVELY
NAME.

"NELSON"... WHAT A LOVELY
NAME.
BUT BUD TOLD US YOUR NAME WAS

NAME.
BUT BUD TOLD US YOUR NAME WAS
LARRY.

BUT BUD TOLD US YOUR NAME WAS
LARRY.
THAT'S OUR BUD!

LARRY.
THAT'S OUR BUD!
OH, YOU MUST BE BETTY'S BLIND

THAT'S OUR BUD!
OH, YOU MUST BE BETTY'S BLIND
DATE.

OH, YOU MUST BE BETTY'S BLIND
DATE.
I'M MR. ANDERSON.

DATE.
I'M MR. ANDERSON.
IT'S A PLEASURE, SIR.

I'M MR. ANDERSON.
IT'S A PLEASURE, SIR.
PLEASURE.

IT'S A PLEASURE, SIR.
PLEASURE.
I'M RICK NELSON.

PLEASURE.
I'M RICK NELSON.
"NELSON"... WHAT A NICE NAME.

I'M RICK NELSON.
"NELSON"... WHAT A NICE NAME.
PRESBYTERIAN?

"NELSON"... WHAT A NICE NAME.
PRESBYTERIAN?
UH, MY FATHER IS, SIR.

PRESBYTERIAN?
UH, MY FATHER IS, SIR.
MY MOTHER'S EPISCOPAL.

UH, MY FATHER IS, SIR.
MY MOTHER'S EPISCOPAL.
OH, WELL, I CERTAINLY HOPE

MY MOTHER'S EPISCOPAL.
OH, WELL, I CERTAINLY HOPE
YOU'LL BE STAYING FOR DINNER,

OH, WELL, I CERTAINLY HOPE
YOU'LL BE STAYING FOR DINNER,
THEN.

YOU'LL BE STAYING FOR DINNER,
THEN.
OH, YOU'LL PROBABLY WANT TO

THEN.
OH, YOU'LL PROBABLY WANT TO
WASH UP AND HAVE A BROWNIE

OH, YOU'LL PROBABLY WANT TO
WASH UP AND HAVE A BROWNIE
FIRST.

WASH UP AND HAVE A BROWNIE
FIRST.
WELL, I BETTER CALL MY FOLKS.

FIRST.
WELL, I BETTER CALL MY FOLKS.
MOTHER, COULD YOU HELP ME

WELL, I BETTER CALL MY FOLKS.
MOTHER, COULD YOU HELP ME
ZIP... OH.

MOTHER, COULD YOU HELP ME
ZIP... OH.
HI.

ZIP... OH.
HI.
PRINCESS, THIS IS BUD'S

HI.
PRINCESS, THIS IS BUD'S
FRIEND, RICK.

PRINCESS, THIS IS BUD'S
FRIEND, RICK.
HELLO, RICKY.

FRIEND, RICK.
HELLO, RICKY.
I KNOW BUD PUT YOU UP TO THIS,

HELLO, RICKY.
I KNOW BUD PUT YOU UP TO THIS,
AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW I

I KNOW BUD PUT YOU UP TO THIS,
AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW I
APPRECIATE IT.

AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW I
APPRECIATE IT.
I THINK I SHOULD EXPLAIN

APPRECIATE IT.
I THINK I SHOULD EXPLAIN
SOMETHING TO EVERYBODY.

I THINK I SHOULD EXPLAIN
SOMETHING TO EVERYBODY.
I CAN'T GO WITH YOU, BETTY.

SOMETHING TO EVERYBODY.
I CAN'T GO WITH YOU, BETTY.
MY FOLKS ARE EXPECTING ME AT

I CAN'T GO WITH YOU, BETTY.
MY FOLKS ARE EXPECTING ME AT
HOME, AND I REALLY SHOULD BE

MY FOLKS ARE EXPECTING ME AT
HOME, AND I REALLY SHOULD BE
GETTING HOME.

HOME, AND I REALLY SHOULD BE
GETTING HOME.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

GETTING HOME.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
I KNOW I'M NOT THE PRETTIEST

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
I KNOW I'M NOT THE PRETTIEST
GIRL IN THE WORLD, AND I'M NOT

I KNOW I'M NOT THE PRETTIEST
GIRL IN THE WORLD, AND I'M NOT
MUCH FUN TO BE WITH.

GIRL IN THE WORLD, AND I'M NOT
MUCH FUN TO BE WITH.
[Voice breaking] ANYWAY, WHY

MUCH FUN TO BE WITH.
[Voice breaking] ANYWAY, WHY
WOULD SOMEONE AS GOOD-LOOKING AS

[Voice breaking] ANYWAY, WHY
WOULD SOMEONE AS GOOD-LOOKING AS
YOU WANT TO GO OUT WITH SOMEONE

WOULD SOMEONE AS GOOD-LOOKING AS
YOU WANT TO GO OUT WITH SOMEONE
LIKE ME?

YOU WANT TO GO OUT WITH SOMEONE
LIKE ME?
[SOBS]

LIKE ME?
[SOBS]
PRINCESS!

[SOBS]
PRINCESS!
BETTY!

BUD?
HI, DAD.
AREN'T YOU GOING TO SAY HI TO

HI, DAD.
AREN'T YOU GOING TO SAY HI TO
YOUR FRIEND, RICK?

AREN'T YOU GOING TO SAY HI TO
YOUR FRIEND, RICK?
[SCOFFS]

YOUR FRIEND, RICK?
[SCOFFS]
I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS GUY BEFORE

[SCOFFS]
I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS GUY BEFORE
IN MY LIFE.

I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS GUY BEFORE
IN MY LIFE.
LOOK AT THESE POINTS.

IN MY LIFE.
LOOK AT THESE POINTS.
JIM, YOU BETTER SEE TO BETTY.

LOOK AT THESE POINTS.
JIM, YOU BETTER SEE TO BETTY.
HERE.

JIM, YOU BETTER SEE TO BETTY.
HERE.
TAKE HER SOME BROWNIES TO CHEER

HERE.
TAKE HER SOME BROWNIES TO CHEER
HER UP.

RICKY NELSON HAS A PROBLEM.
HE'S LATE FOR DINNER.
OZZIE AND HARRIET ARE WAITING

HE'S LATE FOR DINNER.
OZZIE AND HARRIET ARE WAITING
FOR HIM.

OZZIE AND HARRIET ARE WAITING
FOR HIM.
IF HE DOESN'T GET HOME SOON,

FOR HIM.
IF HE DOESN'T GET HOME SOON,
HIS DINNER WILL BE COLD, AND

IF HE DOESN'T GET HOME SOON,
HIS DINNER WILL BE COLD, AND
HE'LL HAVE A LOT OF EXPLAINING

HIS DINNER WILL BE COLD, AND
HE'LL HAVE A LOT OF EXPLAINING
TO DO.

HE'LL HAVE A LOT OF EXPLAINING
TO DO.
HE COULD CALL HOME, BUT WHO...

TO DO.
HE COULD CALL HOME, BUT WHO...
WHO WOULD ACCEPT THE CHARGES ON

HE COULD CALL HOME, BUT WHO...
WHO WOULD ACCEPT THE CHARGES ON
A CALL FROM THE TWILIGHT ZONE?

IT'S OKAY.
LOUISE, THE PANCAKES ARE COLD
AGAIN THIS MORNING.

LOUISE, THE PANCAKES ARE COLD
AGAIN THIS MORNING.
UH, WELL, UH, THAT'S BECAUSE

AGAIN THIS MORNING.
UH, WELL, UH, THAT'S BECAUSE
THEY WERE SITTING THERE.

UH, WELL, UH, THAT'S BECAUSE
THEY WERE SITTING THERE.
WELL, IT'S ALL RIGHT.

THEY WERE SITTING THERE.
WELL, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
I GUESS YOU DID HAVE TO WAIT

WELL, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
I GUESS YOU DID HAVE TO WAIT
FOR US.

I GUESS YOU DID HAVE TO WAIT
FOR US.
YES.

FOR US.
YES.
UH, LET ME TASTE A PIECE OF IT.

YES.
UH, LET ME TASTE A PIECE OF IT.
SEE?

UH, LET ME TASTE A PIECE OF IT.
SEE?
YES, THEY ARE COLD.

SEE?
YES, THEY ARE COLD.
AH!

YES, THEY ARE COLD.
AH!
GOOD NEWS... UNCLE TONOOSE IS

AH!
GOOD NEWS... UNCLE TONOOSE IS
COMING NEXT WEEK.

GOOD NEWS... UNCLE TONOOSE IS
COMING NEXT WEEK.
["MAKE ROOM FOR DADDY" THEME

COMING NEXT WEEK.
["MAKE ROOM FOR DADDY" THEME
PLAYS]

[SNIFFS]
LOUISE, SMELLS LIKE SOMETHING'S
BURNING.

LOUISE, SMELLS LIKE SOMETHING'S
BURNING.
WELL, WITH YOUR NOSE,

BURNING.
WELL, WITH YOUR NOSE,
MR. WILLIAMS, SOMETHING COULD BE

WELL, WITH YOUR NOSE,
MR. WILLIAMS, SOMETHING COULD BE
BURNING IN TOLEDO AND YOU'D

MR. WILLIAMS, SOMETHING COULD BE
BURNING IN TOLEDO AND YOU'D
KNOW IT.

BURNING IN TOLEDO AND YOU'D
KNOW IT.
LINDA, WHERE'S YOUR BROTHER

KNOW IT.
LINDA, WHERE'S YOUR BROTHER
RUSTY THIS MORNING?

LINDA, WHERE'S YOUR BROTHER
RUSTY THIS MORNING?
OH, RUSTY'S UPSTAIRS

RUSTY THIS MORNING?
OH, RUSTY'S UPSTAIRS
PRETENDING HE'S SICK BECAUSE

OH, RUSTY'S UPSTAIRS
PRETENDING HE'S SICK BECAUSE
HE'S GOT A TEST TODAY.

PRETENDING HE'S SICK BECAUSE
HE'S GOT A TEST TODAY.
TELL RUSTY HE BETTER GET DOWN

HE'S GOT A TEST TODAY.
TELL RUSTY HE BETTER GET DOWN
HERE OR HE CAN'T COME TO MY SHOW

TELL RUSTY HE BETTER GET DOWN
HERE OR HE CAN'T COME TO MY SHOW
TONIGHT!

HERE OR HE CAN'T COME TO MY SHOW
TONIGHT!
IF I TELL HIM THAT, HE'LL

TONIGHT!
IF I TELL HIM THAT, HE'LL
STAY UP THERE ALL YEAR!

IF I TELL HIM THAT, HE'LL
STAY UP THERE ALL YEAR!
HI, MOM. I'M HOME.

STAY UP THERE ALL YEAR!
HI, MOM. I'M HOME.
All: HI, RUSTY!

HI, MOM. I'M HOME.
All: HI, RUSTY!
[WHISTLING]

HOW ABOUT THIS?
"NELSON BOY STILL MISSING.
POLICE TODAY PLEDGE TO CONTINUE

"NELSON BOY STILL MISSING.
POLICE TODAY PLEDGE TO CONTINUE
THE MASSIVE SEARCH FOR TEEN IDOL

POLICE TODAY PLEDGE TO CONTINUE
THE MASSIVE SEARCH FOR TEEN IDOL
RICKY NELSON AFTER HE FAILED TO

THE MASSIVE SEARCH FOR TEEN IDOL
RICKY NELSON AFTER HE FAILED TO
REPORT HOME FOR DINNER LAST

RICKY NELSON AFTER HE FAILED TO
REPORT HOME FOR DINNER LAST
NIGHT."

REPORT HOME FOR DINNER LAST
NIGHT."
WELL, WAIT A MINUTE!

NIGHT."
WELL, WAIT A MINUTE!
I'M RICKY NELSON!

WELL, WAIT A MINUTE!
I'M RICKY NELSON!
[ALL SPIT]

[As George Burns] RICKY'S
CONFUSED.

SO ARE THE WRITERS... THAT'S WHY
THEY BROUGHT ME IN HERE.
YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY, RICKY AND

THEY BROUGHT ME IN HERE.
YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY, RICKY AND
RUSTY ARE EASY NAMES TO CONFUSE.

YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY, RICKY AND
RUSTY ARE EASY NAMES TO CONFUSE.
IN VAUDEVILLE, I WAS ONCE ON A

RUSTY ARE EASY NAMES TO CONFUSE.
IN VAUDEVILLE, I WAS ONCE ON A
BILL WITH A DANCE TEAM CALLED

IN VAUDEVILLE, I WAS ONCE ON A
BILL WITH A DANCE TEAM CALLED
"RUSTY AND RICKY."

BILL WITH A DANCE TEAM CALLED
"RUSTY AND RICKY."
EVERYONE GOT THEM MIXED UP.

"RUSTY AND RICKY."
EVERYONE GOT THEM MIXED UP.
SEE, RICKY AND RUSTY... WELL,

EVERYONE GOT THEM MIXED UP.
SEE, RICKY AND RUSTY... WELL,
RUSTY HAD COLORED HAIR AND RUSTY

SEE, RICKY AND RUSTY... WELL,
RUSTY HAD COLORED HAIR AND RUSTY
HAD RICKETS, WHICH WAS UNUSUAL

RUSTY HAD COLORED HAIR AND RUSTY
HAD RICKETS, WHICH WAS UNUSUAL
FOR A DANCE TEAM.

HAD RICKETS, WHICH WAS UNUSUAL
FOR A DANCE TEAM.
IT WAS A GREAT ACT.

FOR A DANCE TEAM.
IT WAS A GREAT ACT.
RUSTY WOULD DO THE LIMBO UNDER

IT WAS A GREAT ACT.
RUSTY WOULD DO THE LIMBO UNDER
RICKY'S BOWLEGS UNTIL ONE DAY A

RUSTY WOULD DO THE LIMBO UNDER
RICKY'S BOWLEGS UNTIL ONE DAY A
NUTRITIONIST CAUGHT THE SHOW,

RICKY'S BOWLEGS UNTIL ONE DAY A
NUTRITIONIST CAUGHT THE SHOW,
PUT RICKY ON A MULTIVITAMIN

NUTRITIONIST CAUGHT THE SHOW,
PUT RICKY ON A MULTIVITAMIN
DIET.

PUT RICKY ON A MULTIVITAMIN
DIET.
IT WAS GOOD FOR HIS HEALTH...

DIET.
IT WAS GOOD FOR HIS HEALTH...
RUINED THE ACT.

IT WAS GOOD FOR HIS HEALTH...
RUINED THE ACT.
WELL, RICKY SHOULD BE GETTING

RUINED THE ACT.
WELL, RICKY SHOULD BE GETTING
HOME ABOUT NOW.

WELL, RICKY SHOULD BE GETTING
HOME ABOUT NOW.
LET'S SEE WHAT HAPPENS.

HI, MOM, I'M HOME.
IS THAT YOU, RICKY?
YEAH, IT'S ME.

IS THAT YOU, RICKY?
YEAH, IT'S ME.
BOY, THE STRANGEST THING

YEAH, IT'S ME.
BOY, THE STRANGEST THING
HAPPENED TO ME ON THE WAY HOME

BOY, THE STRANGEST THING
HAPPENED TO ME ON THE WAY HOME
TODAY.

HAPPENED TO ME ON THE WAY HOME
TODAY.
YOU'RE NOT RICKY.

TODAY.
YOU'RE NOT RICKY.
["I LOVE LUCY" THEME PLAYS]

YES, I AM.
I'M RICKY NELSON.
NO, YOU'RE NOT.

I'M RICKY NELSON.
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
I-I-IF YOU'RE RICKY, WHO ARE

NO, YOU'RE NOT.
I-I-IF YOU'RE RICKY, WHO ARE
FRED AND ETHEL?

I-I-IF YOU'RE RICKY, WHO ARE
FRED AND ETHEL?
THE WACKY NEIGHBORS?

FRED AND ETHEL?
THE WACKY NEIGHBORS?
ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT

THE WACKY NEIGHBORS?
ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT
ABOUT THAT ONE.

ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT
ABOUT THAT ONE.
BUT IF YOU ARE RICKY, WHO ARE

ABOUT THAT ONE.
BUT IF YOU ARE RICKY, WHO ARE
YOU BRINGING HOME FOR DINNER?

BUT IF YOU ARE RICKY, WHO ARE
YOU BRINGING HOME FOR DINNER?
FRED AND ETHEL?

YOU BRINGING HOME FOR DINNER?
FRED AND ETHEL?
NO. CESAR ROMERO.

FRED AND ETHEL?
NO. CESAR ROMERO.
OH, NO!

NO. CESAR ROMERO.
OH, NO!
RICKY'S BRINGING HOME

OH, NO!
RICKY'S BRINGING HOME
CESAR ROMERO, AND I FORGOT ABOUT

RICKY'S BRINGING HOME
CESAR ROMERO, AND I FORGOT ABOUT
THE TURKEY!

CESAR ROMERO, AND I FORGOT ABOUT
THE TURKEY!
HI, HONEY, I'M BACK FROM THE

THE TURKEY!
HI, HONEY, I'M BACK FROM THE
CLUB.

HI, HONEY, I'M BACK FROM THE
CLUB.
AND I BROUGHT A DINNER GUEST,

CLUB.
AND I BROUGHT A DINNER GUEST,
CESAR ROMERO.

AND I BROUGHT A DINNER GUEST,
CESAR ROMERO.
WAAAAAH!

[As Alfred Hitchcock] HAD
RICKY ASKED, I COULD EASILY HAVE
PROVIDED HIM WITH A MAP OF THE

RICKY ASKED, I COULD EASILY HAVE
PROVIDED HIM WITH A MAP OF THE
STARS' HOMES, AVAILABLE AT MANY

PROVIDED HIM WITH A MAP OF THE
STARS' HOMES, AVAILABLE AT MANY
NEWSSTANDS IN THE LOS ANGELES

STARS' HOMES, AVAILABLE AT MANY
NEWSSTANDS IN THE LOS ANGELES
AREA.

NEWSSTANDS IN THE LOS ANGELES
AREA.
THIS, OF COURSE, WOULD HAVE

AREA.
THIS, OF COURSE, WOULD HAVE
SOLVED HIS PROBLEM.

THIS, OF COURSE, WOULD HAVE
SOLVED HIS PROBLEM.
HOWEVER, FOR REASONS UNKNOWN TO

SOLVED HIS PROBLEM.
HOWEVER, FOR REASONS UNKNOWN TO
ME, THE SPONSOR WOULD NOT PERMIT

HOWEVER, FOR REASONS UNKNOWN TO
ME, THE SPONSOR WOULD NOT PERMIT
IT.

ME, THE SPONSOR WOULD NOT PERMIT
IT.
GOOD EVENING.

IT.
GOOD EVENING.
["ALFRED HITCHCOCK PRESENTS"

GOOD EVENING.
["ALFRED HITCHCOCK PRESENTS"
THEME PLAYS]

["ALFRED HITCHCOCK PRESENTS"
THEME PLAYS]
[APPLAUSE]

TERRIFIC, TERRIFIC THING.
AND... AND REALLY, I GOT TO SAY,
JERRY, THAT IT'S A FABULOUS,

AND... AND REALLY, I GOT TO SAY,
JERRY, THAT IT'S A FABULOUS,
FABULOUS THING WHEN A

JERRY, THAT IT'S A FABULOUS,
FABULOUS THING WHEN A
RICK NELSON FLIES IN FROM

FABULOUS THING WHEN A
RICK NELSON FLIES IN FROM
A LOS ANGELES, WHEN AN

RICK NELSON FLIES IN FROM
A LOS ANGELES, WHEN AN
OLIVIA CALLS AND SAYS, "YOU

A LOS ANGELES, WHEN AN
OLIVIA CALLS AND SAYS, "YOU
KNOW WHAT, DONNY'S HAVING A

OLIVIA CALLS AND SAYS, "YOU
KNOW WHAT, DONNY'S HAVING A
BENEFIT... I'M THERE."

KNOW WHAT, DONNY'S HAVING A
BENEFIT... I'M THERE."
FORGET ABOUT IT, IT'S OVER, YOU

BENEFIT... I'M THERE."
FORGET ABOUT IT, IT'S OVER, YOU
KNOW, BECAUSE IT'S A LOVE AND A

FORGET ABOUT IT, IT'S OVER, YOU
KNOW, BECAUSE IT'S A LOVE AND A
RESPECT AND A THING.

KNOW, BECAUSE IT'S A LOVE AND A
RESPECT AND A THING.
IT'S... WE'RE GOLDEN WITH THIS

RESPECT AND A THING.
IT'S... WE'RE GOLDEN WITH THIS
BENEFIT ALREADY.

IT'S... WE'RE GOLDEN WITH THIS
BENEFIT ALREADY.
THERE'S ONLY ONE GUY WHO

BENEFIT ALREADY.
THERE'S ONLY ONE GUY WHO
COULD HAVE SET THIS WHOLE

THERE'S ONLY ONE GUY WHO
COULD HAVE SET THIS WHOLE
BENEFIT UP, AND I'M LOOKING AT

COULD HAVE SET THIS WHOLE
BENEFIT UP, AND I'M LOOKING AT
HIM, DON KIRSHNER, AND YOU KNOW

BENEFIT UP, AND I'M LOOKING AT
HIM, DON KIRSHNER, AND YOU KNOW
THAT.

HIM, DON KIRSHNER, AND YOU KNOW
THAT.
DON'T GIVE ME, JERRY.

THAT.
DON'T GIVE ME, JERRY.
IT WAS YOUR IDEA.

DON'T GIVE ME, JERRY.
IT WAS YOUR IDEA.
GAH!

IT WAS YOUR IDEA.
GAH!
MY IDEA, MY IDEA.

GAH!
MY IDEA, MY IDEA.
AH!

MY IDEA, MY IDEA.
AH!
MONSTER, MONSTER... OLIVIA,

AH!
MONSTER, MONSTER... OLIVIA,
OLIVIA.

MONSTER, MONSTER... OLIVIA,
OLIVIA.
OH, THANK YOU.

OLIVIA.
OH, THANK YOU.
HOW ABOUT A LITTLE TOOTSKI,

OH, THANK YOU.
HOW ABOUT A LITTLE TOOTSKI,
HONEY?

HOW ABOUT A LITTLE TOOTSKI,
HONEY?
OH, SURE.

HONEY?
OH, SURE.
GO. GO AGAIN.

OH, SURE.
GO. GO AGAIN.
OH, AM I SHOWING?

GO. GO AGAIN.
OH, AM I SHOWING?
A LITTLE BIT ON YOUR NOSE.

OH, AM I SHOWING?
A LITTLE BIT ON YOUR NOSE.
LICK IT UP.

A LITTLE BIT ON YOUR NOSE.
LICK IT UP.
GOOD. YOU GOT IT.

LICK IT UP.
GOOD. YOU GOT IT.
OLIVIA, I HAVE TO SAY THAT WE

GOOD. YOU GOT IT.
OLIVIA, I HAVE TO SAY THAT WE
ARE SO GRATEFUL TO HAVE A ROCK

OLIVIA, I HAVE TO SAY THAT WE
ARE SO GRATEFUL TO HAVE A ROCK
GIANTESS LIKE YOURSELF

ARE SO GRATEFUL TO HAVE A ROCK
GIANTESS LIKE YOURSELF
PARTICIPATE IN OUR BENEFIT.

GIANTESS LIKE YOURSELF
PARTICIPATE IN OUR BENEFIT.
WELL, IT'S A WORTHY CAUSE,

PARTICIPATE IN OUR BENEFIT.
WELL, IT'S A WORTHY CAUSE,
DON.

WELL, IT'S A WORTHY CAUSE,
DON.
I'D DO IT AGAIN TO HELP STAMP

DON.
I'D DO IT AGAIN TO HELP STAMP
OUT YEAST INFECTIONS IN OUR

I'D DO IT AGAIN TO HELP STAMP
OUT YEAST INFECTIONS IN OUR
LIFETIME.

OUT YEAST INFECTIONS IN OUR
LIFETIME.
WHEN I SEE ALL THIS MONSTER

LIFETIME.
WHEN I SEE ALL THIS MONSTER
TALENT HERDED TOGETHER UNDER ONE

WHEN I SEE ALL THIS MONSTER
TALENT HERDED TOGETHER UNDER ONE
ROOF AND PAUSE TO REFLECT THAT,

TALENT HERDED TOGETHER UNDER ONE
ROOF AND PAUSE TO REFLECT THAT,
HEY, ME, JERRY ELDINI, ALONG

ROOF AND PAUSE TO REFLECT THAT,
HEY, ME, JERRY ELDINI, ALONG
WITH THIS VERY GREAT, VERY

HEY, ME, JERRY ELDINI, ALONG
WITH THIS VERY GREAT, VERY
SMALL, VERY SMALL, VERY GREAT

WITH THIS VERY GREAT, VERY
SMALL, VERY SMALL, VERY GREAT
MAN...

SMALL, VERY SMALL, VERY GREAT
MAN...
OH, YOU'RE TERRIBLE, JERRY.

MAN...
OH, YOU'RE TERRIBLE, JERRY.
HAD A HAND IN ORGANIZING

OH, YOU'RE TERRIBLE, JERRY.
HAD A HAND IN ORGANIZING
"ROCK AGAINST YEAST '79," I'M

HAD A HAND IN ORGANIZING
"ROCK AGAINST YEAST '79," I'M
JUST PROUD AS PEE TO BE AS PART

"ROCK AGAINST YEAST '79," I'M
JUST PROUD AS PEE TO BE AS PART
OF THE POLYSUTRA LABEL.

JUST PROUD AS PEE TO BE AS PART
OF THE POLYSUTRA LABEL.
JERRY, WHERE'S CANDY?

OF THE POLYSUTRA LABEL.
JERRY, WHERE'S CANDY?
SHE'S ON SOON.

JERRY, WHERE'S CANDY?
SHE'S ON SOON.
I HOPE SHE'S STRAIGHT FOR THE

SHE'S ON SOON.
I HOPE SHE'S STRAIGHT FOR THE
CONCERT.

I HOPE SHE'S STRAIGHT FOR THE
CONCERT.
I DON'T KNOW.

CONCERT.
I DON'T KNOW.
I HOPE SHE'LL BE GOOD.

I DON'T KNOW.
I HOPE SHE'LL BE GOOD.
SHE WAS HERE.

I HOPE SHE'LL BE GOOD.
SHE WAS HERE.
I SAW HER HERE.

SHE WAS HERE.
I SAW HER HERE.
YOU KNOW, BOB, I WAS IN

I SAW HER HERE.
YOU KNOW, BOB, I WAS IN
JAMAICA FOR THE WAILERS CONCERT

YOU KNOW, BOB, I WAS IN
JAMAICA FOR THE WAILERS CONCERT
IN APRIL.

JAMAICA FOR THE WAILERS CONCERT
IN APRIL.
I REALLY DUG IT.

IN APRIL.
I REALLY DUG IT.
YOU WERE IN "JA," MAN, FOR

I REALLY DUG IT.
YOU WERE IN "JA," MAN, FOR
THAT THING.

YOU WERE IN "JA," MAN, FOR
THAT THING.
YEAH.

THAT THING.
YEAH.
I'LL BE DOGGONE, MAN.

YEAH.
I'LL BE DOGGONE, MAN.
THAT'S SOME THING, YOU KNOW?

I'LL BE DOGGONE, MAN.
THAT'S SOME THING, YOU KNOW?
I REMEMBER HEARIN' ABOUT YOUR

THAT'S SOME THING, YOU KNOW?
I REMEMBER HEARIN' ABOUT YOUR
CONCERT, TOO.

I REMEMBER HEARIN' ABOUT YOUR
CONCERT, TOO.
THEY TELL ME IT WAS REAL GOOD,

CONCERT, TOO.
THEY TELL ME IT WAS REAL GOOD,
YOU KNOW.

THEY TELL ME IT WAS REAL GOOD,
YOU KNOW.
EVERYBODY DOIN' THE REGGAE TO

YOU KNOW.
EVERYBODY DOIN' THE REGGAE TO
IT AND STUFF.

EVERYBODY DOIN' THE REGGAE TO
IT AND STUFF.
YEAH, SURE.

IT AND STUFF.
YEAH, SURE.
YEAH, SURE.

YEAH, SURE.
YEAH, SURE.
I DUG IT.

YEAH, SURE.
I DUG IT.
YOU EVER BEEN TO...

I DUG IT.
YOU EVER BEEN TO...
OH, OH, OH, OH!

YOU EVER BEEN TO...
OH, OH, OH, OH!
WHO'S DAT, MAN?

OH, OH, OH, OH!
WHO'S DAT, MAN?
WHO'S THAT THERE?

WHO'S DAT, MAN?
WHO'S THAT THERE?
OH, HE'S PART OF AN

WHO'S THAT THERE?
OH, HE'S PART OF AN
ELVIS PRESLEY IMPERSONATION ACT.

OH, HE'S PART OF AN
ELVIS PRESLEY IMPERSONATION ACT.
HE PLAYS ELVIS IN THE EARLY

ELVIS PRESLEY IMPERSONATION ACT.
HE PLAYS ELVIS IN THE EARLY
'50s, YOU KNOW.

HE PLAYS ELVIS IN THE EARLY
'50s, YOU KNOW.
HE PLAYS ELVIS?

'50s, YOU KNOW.
HE PLAYS ELVIS?
YEAH, HE CALLS HIMSELF

HE PLAYS ELVIS?
YEAH, HE CALLS HIMSELF
"KING ONE."

YEAH, HE CALLS HIMSELF
"KING ONE."
KING ONE?

"KING ONE."
KING ONE?
AHH.

KING ONE?
AHH.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

AHH.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
KING TWO.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
KING TWO.
KING TWO?

KING TWO.
KING TWO?
OH.

KING TWO?
OH.
E-EXCUSE ME, ARE YOU

OH.
E-EXCUSE ME, ARE YOU
RICKY NELSON?

E-EXCUSE ME, ARE YOU
RICKY NELSON?
YEAH.

RICKY NELSON?
YEAH.
HI.

YEAH.
HI.
THIS IS BOB MARLEY.

HI.
THIS IS BOB MARLEY.
HOW YOU DOING, KING ONE?

THIS IS BOB MARLEY.
HOW YOU DOING, KING ONE?
I JUST WANT TO SAY I'M A BIG

HOW YOU DOING, KING ONE?
I JUST WANT TO SAY I'M A BIG
FAN, AND I KNOW THE REAL KING

I JUST WANT TO SAY I'M A BIG
FAN, AND I KNOW THE REAL KING
WAS, AND HE WAS A BUDDY OF

FAN, AND I KNOW THE REAL KING
WAS, AND HE WAS A BUDDY OF
YOURS.

WAS, AND HE WAS A BUDDY OF
YOURS.
I JUST HOPE YOU GET A CHANCE TO

YOURS.
I JUST HOPE YOU GET A CHANCE TO
SEE OUR SHOW.

I JUST HOPE YOU GET A CHANCE TO
SEE OUR SHOW.
WE TRY TO DO THE KING

SEE OUR SHOW.
WE TRY TO DO THE KING
JUSTICE.

WE TRY TO DO THE KING
JUSTICE.
I HAVE A SPECIALLY TOUGH TIME

JUSTICE.
I HAVE A SPECIALLY TOUGH TIME
'CAUSE I'M PLAYIN' THE LATTER

I HAVE A SPECIALLY TOUGH TIME
'CAUSE I'M PLAYIN' THE LATTER
PART OF THE KING'S LIFE, AFTER

'CAUSE I'M PLAYIN' THE LATTER
PART OF THE KING'S LIFE, AFTER
HE DISCOVERED CARBOHYDRATES.

PART OF THE KING'S LIFE, AFTER
HE DISCOVERED CARBOHYDRATES.
RIGHT, YEAH.

HE DISCOVERED CARBOHYDRATES.
RIGHT, YEAH.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU CALL YOUR

RIGHT, YEAH.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU CALL YOUR
SHOW?

WELL, WHAT DO YOU CALL YOUR
SHOW?
ELVI.

SHOW?
ELVI.
UH, SAY, IS THAT DOLLY PARTON

ELVI.
UH, SAY, IS THAT DOLLY PARTON
OVER THERE, OR IS THAT A

UH, SAY, IS THAT DOLLY PARTON
OVER THERE, OR IS THAT A
DOLLY PARTON IMPERSONATOR?

OVER THERE, OR IS THAT A
DOLLY PARTON IMPERSONATOR?
GOT TO BE DOLLY.

DOLLY PARTON IMPERSONATOR?
GOT TO BE DOLLY.
YEAH, UH, DOLLY?

GOT TO BE DOLLY.
YEAH, UH, DOLLY?
I WANT YOU TO MEET SOME FRIENDS

YEAH, UH, DOLLY?
I WANT YOU TO MEET SOME FRIENDS
OF MINE.

I WANT YOU TO MEET SOME FRIENDS
OF MINE.
BOB MARLEY.

OF MINE.
BOB MARLEY.
AND THE ELVI.

BOB MARLEY.
AND THE ELVI.
HOWDY.

AND THE ELVI.
HOWDY.
HELLO, DOLLY!

HOWDY.
HELLO, DOLLY!
HELLO.

HELLO, DOLLY!
HELLO.
[LAUGHS]

HELLO.
[LAUGHS]
PLEASED TO MEET YOU BOTH.

[LAUGHS]
PLEASED TO MEET YOU BOTH.
I JUST LOVE YOUR "REGGIE" MUSIC.

PLEASED TO MEET YOU BOTH.
I JUST LOVE YOUR "REGGIE" MUSIC.
IT'S SO CUTE.

I JUST LOVE YOUR "REGGIE" MUSIC.
IT'S SO CUTE.
OH, THAT'S REGGAE,

IT'S SO CUTE.
OH, THAT'S REGGAE,
MISS PARTON.

OH, THAT'S REGGAE,
MISS PARTON.
OH, WHO DOES YOUR HAIR?

MISS PARTON.
OH, WHO DOES YOUR HAIR?
WHO DOES...

OH, WHO DOES YOUR HAIR?
WHO DOES...
ATTENTION, PLEASE.

WHO DOES...
ATTENTION, PLEASE.
ELVI, YOU'RE ON NEXT.

ATTENTION, PLEASE.
ELVI, YOU'RE ON NEXT.
ELVI ONE, PLEASE, AND THEN ELVI

ELVI, YOU'RE ON NEXT.
ELVI ONE, PLEASE, AND THEN ELVI
TWO, STAND BY, OKAY?

ELVI ONE, PLEASE, AND THEN ELVI
TWO, STAND BY, OKAY?
KING ONE, KING TWO.

TWO, STAND BY, OKAY?
KING ONE, KING TWO.
Kings: NICE MEETIN' YOU

KING ONE, KING TWO.
Kings: NICE MEETIN' YOU
FOLKS.

Kings: NICE MEETIN' YOU
FOLKS.
WE GOT SOME IMPERSONATIN' TO DO.

FOLKS.
WE GOT SOME IMPERSONATIN' TO DO.
GOOD LUCK, FELLAS.

WE GOT SOME IMPERSONATIN' TO DO.
GOOD LUCK, FELLAS.
FABULOUS OUTFITS, HUH?

GOOD LUCK, FELLAS.
FABULOUS OUTFITS, HUH?
HAS ANYBODY SEEN CANDY SLICE?

FABULOUS OUTFITS, HUH?
HAS ANYBODY SEEN CANDY SLICE?
A LITTLE GIRL WHO'S PLATINUM

HAS ANYBODY SEEN CANDY SLICE?
A LITTLE GIRL WHO'S PLATINUM
AROUND HERE WHO'S LOST.

A LITTLE GIRL WHO'S PLATINUM
AROUND HERE WHO'S LOST.
LITTLE PLATINUM...

AROUND HERE WHO'S LOST.
LITTLE PLATINUM...
COME ON, ANYBODY?

LITTLE PLATINUM...
COME ON, ANYBODY?
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

COME ON, ANYBODY?
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
CANDY!

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
CANDY!
CANDY, BABY!

CANDY!
CANDY, BABY!
CANDY, WE'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR

CANDY, BABY!
CANDY, WE'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR
YOU.

CANDY, WE'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR
YOU.
EVERYBODY'S DYING TO MEET YOU.

YOU.
EVERYBODY'S DYING TO MEET YOU.
OH, EXCUSE ME.

EVERYBODY'S DYING TO MEET YOU.
OH, EXCUSE ME.
OLIVIA, DO YOU KNOW

OH, EXCUSE ME.
OLIVIA, DO YOU KNOW
CANDY SLICE?

OLIVIA, DO YOU KNOW
CANDY SLICE?
OH, MISS SLICE, YOU KNOW,

CANDY SLICE?
OH, MISS SLICE, YOU KNOW,
I'VE NEVER ACTUALLY SEEN YOU

OH, MISS SLICE, YOU KNOW,
I'VE NEVER ACTUALLY SEEN YOU
PERFORM, BUT I'VE HEARD THAT

I'VE NEVER ACTUALLY SEEN YOU
PERFORM, BUT I'VE HEARD THAT
YOU'RE VERY, VERY HOT.

PERFORM, BUT I'VE HEARD THAT
YOU'RE VERY, VERY HOT.
DO HAVE A GOOD SHOW, REALLY.

YOU'RE VERY, VERY HOT.
DO HAVE A GOOD SHOW, REALLY.
[BURPS]

DO HAVE A GOOD SHOW, REALLY.
[BURPS]
SALAMI?

[BURPS]
SALAMI?
WAS THAT SALAMI?

SALAMI?
WAS THAT SALAMI?
HEY, DOLLY...

WAS THAT SALAMI?
HEY, DOLLY...
KNOCK 'EM DEAD TONIGHT,

HEY, DOLLY...
KNOCK 'EM DEAD TONIGHT,
HONEY.

KNOCK 'EM DEAD TONIGHT,
HONEY.
AT LEAST WE'RE NOT WEARIN' THE

HONEY.
AT LEAST WE'RE NOT WEARIN' THE
SAME THING.

AT LEAST WE'RE NOT WEARIN' THE
SAME THING.
[LAUGHS]

SAME THING.
[LAUGHS]
HEY, YOU'RE GETTIN' A ZIT

[LAUGHS]
HEY, YOU'RE GETTIN' A ZIT
THERE.

HEY, YOU'RE GETTIN' A ZIT
THERE.
DOLLY, WHY DON'T YOU GO TO

THERE.
DOLLY, WHY DON'T YOU GO TO
THE LADIES ROOM AND FRESHEN UP,

DOLLY, WHY DON'T YOU GO TO
THE LADIES ROOM AND FRESHEN UP,
OKAY?

THE LADIES ROOM AND FRESHEN UP,
OKAY?
FROM POLYSUTRA.

OKAY?
FROM POLYSUTRA.
RICK.

FROM POLYSUTRA.
RICK.
HEY, CANDY SLICE HAS BEEN DYING

RICK.
HEY, CANDY SLICE HAS BEEN DYING
TO SAY HELLO.

HEY, CANDY SLICE HAS BEEN DYING
TO SAY HELLO.
HEY, MISS SLICE?

TO SAY HELLO.
HEY, MISS SLICE?
IT'S REALLY NEAT TO MEET YOU

HEY, MISS SLICE?
IT'S REALLY NEAT TO MEET YOU
AND BE ON THE SAME SHOW WITH YOU

IT'S REALLY NEAT TO MEET YOU
AND BE ON THE SAME SHOW WITH YOU
AND EVERYTHING, AND I JUST WANT

AND BE ON THE SAME SHOW WITH YOU
AND EVERYTHING, AND I JUST WANT
TO TELL YOU I'M REALLY A BIG FAN

AND EVERYTHING, AND I JUST WANT
TO TELL YOU I'M REALLY A BIG FAN
OF YOURS.

TO TELL YOU I'M REALLY A BIG FAN
OF YOURS.
I LOVED YOUR LATEST ALBUM,

OF YOURS.
I LOVED YOUR LATEST ALBUM,
"MAKING THE PIG SICK."

I LOVED YOUR LATEST ALBUM,
"MAKING THE PIG SICK."
[COUGHS]

"MAKING THE PIG SICK."
[COUGHS]
COME ON, CANDY!

[COUGHS]
COME ON, CANDY!
DO YOU KNOW WHO THIS IS, FOR

COME ON, CANDY!
DO YOU KNOW WHO THIS IS, FOR
HEAVEN'S SAKE?

DO YOU KNOW WHO THIS IS, FOR
HEAVEN'S SAKE?
FABIAN?

HEAVEN'S SAKE?
FABIAN?
SHE'S QUITE... QUITE A LITTLE

FABIAN?
SHE'S QUITE... QUITE A LITTLE
KIDDER AS IT TURNS OUT.

SHE'S QUITE... QUITE A LITTLE
KIDDER AS IT TURNS OUT.
UPSKI, YOU LITTLE FIRECRACKER!

KIDDER AS IT TURNS OUT.
UPSKI, YOU LITTLE FIRECRACKER!
COME ON, YOU'RE ON IN A FEW

UPSKI, YOU LITTLE FIRECRACKER!
COME ON, YOU'RE ON IN A FEW
SECONDS.

COME ON, YOU'RE ON IN A FEW
SECONDS.
HOWARD, CAN YOU GIVE ME A HAND?

SECONDS.
HOWARD, CAN YOU GIVE ME A HAND?
THANK YOU SO MUCH.

HOWARD, CAN YOU GIVE ME A HAND?
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
IT'S A REAL FAVOR.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.
IT'S A REAL FAVOR.
SHE REALLY APPRECIATES IT.

IT'S A REAL FAVOR.
SHE REALLY APPRECIATES IT.
THANK YOU.

SHE REALLY APPRECIATES IT.
THANK YOU.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

[APPLAUSE]

THE ELVI, EVERYBODY!
WEREN'T THEY FANTASTIC?
TEST... 1, 2... TEST.

WEREN'T THEY FANTASTIC?
TEST... 1, 2... TEST.
NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE

TEST... 1, 2... TEST.
NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE
ROCK-ATHON OF HOPE FOR YEAST

NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE
ROCK-ATHON OF HOPE FOR YEAST
BENEFIT, IN ASSOCIATION WITH

ROCK-ATHON OF HOPE FOR YEAST
BENEFIT, IN ASSOCIATION WITH
DON KIRSHNER AND MYSELF,

BENEFIT, IN ASSOCIATION WITH
DON KIRSHNER AND MYSELF,
JERRY ELDINI... OKAY, NOBODY

DON KIRSHNER AND MYSELF,
JERRY ELDINI... OKAY, NOBODY
KNOWS ME, I DON'T CARE... TAKE

JERRY ELDINI... OKAY, NOBODY
KNOWS ME, I DON'T CARE... TAKE
PRIDE IN PRESENTING THE

KNOWS ME, I DON'T CARE... TAKE
PRIDE IN PRESENTING THE
CANDY SLICE GROUP.

PRIDE IN PRESENTING THE
CANDY SLICE GROUP.
COME ON!

CANDY SLICE GROUP.
COME ON!
[Slurring] HE-EY!

COME ON!
[Slurring] HE-EY!
HEY, MICK JAGGER!

[Slurring] HE-EY!
HEY, MICK JAGGER!
IF YOU'RE OUT THERE, THIS IS

HEY, MICK JAGGER!
IF YOU'RE OUT THERE, THIS IS
FOR YOU!

IF YOU'RE OUT THERE, THIS IS
FOR YOU!
[MUSIC BEGINS]

FOR YOU!
[MUSIC BEGINS]
♪ GIMME MICK ♪

[MUSIC BEGINS]
♪ GIMME MICK ♪
♪ GIMME MICK ♪

♪ GIMME MICK ♪
♪ GIMME MICK ♪
♪ BABY'S HAIR, BULGIN' EYES,

♪ GIMME MICK ♪
♪ BABY'S HAIR, BULGIN' EYES,
LIPS SO THICK ♪

♪ BABY'S HAIR, BULGIN' EYES,
LIPS SO THICK ♪
♪ ARE YOU WOMAN, ARE YOU MAN? ♪

LIPS SO THICK ♪
♪ ARE YOU WOMAN, ARE YOU MAN? ♪
♪ I'M YOUR BIGGEST FUNKED-UP

♪ ARE YOU WOMAN, ARE YOU MAN? ♪
♪ I'M YOUR BIGGEST FUNKED-UP
FAN ♪

♪ I'M YOUR BIGGEST FUNKED-UP
FAN ♪
♪ GIMME MICK ♪

FAN ♪
♪ GIMME MICK ♪
♪ GIMME MICK ♪

♪ GIMME MICK ♪
♪ GIMME MICK ♪
♪ BABY'S HAIR, BULGIN' EYES,

♪ GIMME MICK ♪
♪ BABY'S HAIR, BULGIN' EYES,
LIPS SO THICK ♪

♪ BABY'S HAIR, BULGIN' EYES,
LIPS SO THICK ♪
♪ ARE YOU WOMAN, ARE YOU MAN? ♪

LIPS SO THICK ♪
♪ ARE YOU WOMAN, ARE YOU MAN? ♪
♪ I'M YOUR BIGGEST FUNKED-UP

♪ ARE YOU WOMAN, ARE YOU MAN? ♪
♪ I'M YOUR BIGGEST FUNKED-UP
FAN ♪

♪ I'M YOUR BIGGEST FUNKED-UP
FAN ♪
♪ SO ROCK ME AND ROLL ME

FAN ♪
♪ SO ROCK ME AND ROLL ME
TILL I'M SICK ♪

♪ SOME GIRLS WANT TRAVOLTA
ALL BLACK AND WHITE AND SLICK ♪
♪ BUT THERE'S SCREAMIN' HUNKY

ALL BLACK AND WHITE AND SLICK ♪
♪ BUT THERE'S SCREAMIN' HUNKY
MAMAS YELLIN' "GIMME MICK" ♪

♪ BUT THERE'S SCREAMIN' HUNKY
MAMAS YELLIN' "GIMME MICK" ♪
♪ WELL, MY FINE PERFORMANCE ♪

MAMAS YELLIN' "GIMME MICK" ♪
♪ WELL, MY FINE PERFORMANCE ♪
♪ TAKE MY WIFE AND ALL THAT

♪ WELL, MY FINE PERFORMANCE ♪
♪ TAKE MY WIFE AND ALL THAT
SHTICK ♪

♪ TAKE MY WIFE AND ALL THAT
SHTICK ♪
♪ MAKES ME DIE JUST TO

SHTICK ♪
♪ MAKES ME DIE JUST TO
MEET YA ♪

♪ MAKES ME DIE JUST TO
MEET YA ♪
♪ GIMME MICK ♪

MEET YA ♪
♪ GIMME MICK ♪
♪ GIMME MICK ♪

♪ GIMME MICK ♪
♪ GIMME MICK ♪
♪ BABY'S HAIR, BULGIN' EYES,

♪ GIMME MICK ♪
♪ BABY'S HAIR, BULGIN' EYES,
LIPS SO THICK ♪

♪ BABY'S HAIR, BULGIN' EYES,
LIPS SO THICK ♪
♪ ARE YOU WOMAN,

LIPS SO THICK ♪
♪ ARE YOU WOMAN,
ARE YOU MAN? ♪

♪ ARE YOU WOMAN,
ARE YOU MAN? ♪
♪ I'M YOUR BIGGEST FUNKED-UP

ARE YOU MAN? ♪
♪ I'M YOUR BIGGEST FUNKED-UP
FAN ♪

♪ I'M YOUR BIGGEST FUNKED-UP
FAN ♪
♪ SO ROCK ME AND ROLL ME

FAN ♪
♪ SO ROCK ME AND ROLL ME
TILL I'M SICK ♪

♪ SO ROCK ME AND ROLL ME
TILL I'M SICK ♪
YOU, MICK JAGGER, ACTUALLY

TILL I'M SICK ♪
YOU, MICK JAGGER, ACTUALLY
CONTINUED TO PERFORM AT A

YOU, MICK JAGGER, ACTUALLY
CONTINUED TO PERFORM AT A
CONCERT WHERE SOMEONE GOT KNIFED

CONTINUED TO PERFORM AT A
CONCERT WHERE SOMEONE GOT KNIFED
AND KILLED DURING THE '60s.

CONCERT WHERE SOMEONE GOT KNIFED
AND KILLED DURING THE '60s.
YOU, MICK JAGGER, ARE ENGLISH

AND KILLED DURING THE '60s.
YOU, MICK JAGGER, ARE ENGLISH
AND GO OUT WITH A MODEL AND GET

YOU, MICK JAGGER, ARE ENGLISH
AND GO OUT WITH A MODEL AND GET
AN INCREDIBLE AMOUNT OF

AND GO OUT WITH A MODEL AND GET
AN INCREDIBLE AMOUNT OF
PUBLICITY.

AN INCREDIBLE AMOUNT OF
PUBLICITY.
YOU, MICK JAGGER, DON'T KEEP

PUBLICITY.
YOU, MICK JAGGER, DON'T KEEP
REGULAR HOURS.

YOU, MICK JAGGER, DON'T KEEP
REGULAR HOURS.
YOU, MICK JAGGER, HAVE THE

REGULAR HOURS.
YOU, MICK JAGGER, HAVE THE
GREATEST ROCK-'N'-ROLL BAND IN

YOU, MICK JAGGER, HAVE THE
GREATEST ROCK-'N'-ROLL BAND IN
THE HISTORY OF ROCK 'N' ROLL,

GREATEST ROCK-'N'-ROLL BAND IN
THE HISTORY OF ROCK 'N' ROLL,
AND YOU DON'T EVEN PLAY AN

THE HISTORY OF ROCK 'N' ROLL,
AND YOU DON'T EVEN PLAY AN
INSTRUMENT YOURSELF!

AND YOU DON'T EVEN PLAY AN
INSTRUMENT YOURSELF!
♪ ROCK 'N' ROLL,

INSTRUMENT YOURSELF!
♪ ROCK 'N' ROLL,
ROCK 'N' ROLL ♪

♪ ROCK 'N' ROLL,
ROCK 'N' ROLL ♪
♪ GIMME, GIMME, GIMME

ROCK 'N' ROLL ♪
♪ GIMME, GIMME, GIMME
ROCK 'N' ROLL ♪

♪ GIMME, GIMME, GIMME
ROCK 'N' ROLL ♪
♪ GIMME, GIMME

ROCK 'N' ROLL ♪
♪ GIMME, GIMME
ROCK 'N' ROLL ♪

♪ GIMME, GIMME
ROCK 'N' ROLL ♪
♪ GIMME, GIMME, GIMME ♪

ROCK 'N' ROLL ♪
♪ GIMME, GIMME, GIMME ♪
♪ GIMME, GIMME ♪

♪ GIMME, GIMME, GIMME ♪
♪ GIMME, GIMME ♪
♪ GIMME, GIMME, GIMME, GIMME ♪

♪ GIMME, GIMME ♪
♪ GIMME, GIMME, GIMME, GIMME ♪
♪ GIMME MICK ♪

♪ GIMME, GIMME, GIMME, GIMME ♪
♪ GIMME MICK ♪
♪ GIMME MICK ♪

♪ GIMME MICK ♪
♪ GIMME MICK ♪
♪ BABY'S HAIR, BULGIN' EYES,

♪ GIMME MICK ♪
♪ BABY'S HAIR, BULGIN' EYES,
LIPS SO THICK ♪

♪ BABY'S HAIR, BULGIN' EYES,
LIPS SO THICK ♪
♪ ARE YOU WOMAN, ARE YOU MAN? ♪

LIPS SO THICK ♪
♪ ARE YOU WOMAN, ARE YOU MAN? ♪
♪ I'M YOUR BIGGEST FUNKED-UP

♪ ARE YOU WOMAN, ARE YOU MAN? ♪
♪ I'M YOUR BIGGEST FUNKED-UP
FAN ♪

♪ I'M YOUR BIGGEST FUNKED-UP
FAN ♪
♪ SO ROCK ME AND ROLL ME

FAN ♪
♪ SO ROCK ME AND ROLL ME
TILL I'M SICK ♪

♪ SO ROCK ME AND ROLL ME
TILL I'M SICK ♪
[BURPS]

TILL I'M SICK ♪
[BURPS]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

MUHAMMAD ALI STARTS TRAINING
TO FIGHT RAY CHARLES THIS MONTH.
THIS STORY AND MORE COMING UP ON

TO FIGHT RAY CHARLES THIS MONTH.
THIS STORY AND MORE COMING UP ON
"WEEKEND UPDATE."

THIS STORY AND MORE COMING UP ON
"WEEKEND UPDATE."
Announcer: AND NOW

"WEEKEND UPDATE."
Announcer: AND NOW
"WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH THE

Announcer: AND NOW
"WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH THE
"WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM...

"WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH THE
"WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM...
BROUGHT TO YOU BY CHIKLET OF THE

"WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM...
BROUGHT TO YOU BY CHIKLET OF THE
SEA, THE TUNA-FLAVORED CHEWING

BROUGHT TO YOU BY CHIKLET OF THE
SEA, THE TUNA-FLAVORED CHEWING
GUM.

SEA, THE TUNA-FLAVORED CHEWING
GUM.
HERE ARE ANCHORPERSONS

GUM.
HERE ARE ANCHORPERSONS
JANE CURTIN AND BILL MURRAY.

HERE ARE ANCHORPERSONS
JANE CURTIN AND BILL MURRAY.
GOOD EVENING.

JANE CURTIN AND BILL MURRAY.
GOOD EVENING.
I'M JANE CURTIN.

GOOD EVENING.
I'M JANE CURTIN.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...

I'M JANE CURTIN.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...
IRAN'S REVOLUTIONARY AUTHORITIES

OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...
IRAN'S REVOLUTIONARY AUTHORITIES
ANNOUNCED YESTERDAY THAT FOUR OF

IRAN'S REVOLUTIONARY AUTHORITIES
ANNOUNCED YESTERDAY THAT FOUR OF
SHAH MOHAMMAD PAHLAVI'S GENERALS

ANNOUNCED YESTERDAY THAT FOUR OF
SHAH MOHAMMAD PAHLAVI'S GENERALS
HAVE BEEN EXECUTED AND THAT AT

SHAH MOHAMMAD PAHLAVI'S GENERALS
HAVE BEEN EXECUTED AND THAT AT
LEAST 20 MORE SHAH AIDES FACE

HAVE BEEN EXECUTED AND THAT AT
LEAST 20 MORE SHAH AIDES FACE
DEATH SENTENCES IN THE NEAR

LEAST 20 MORE SHAH AIDES FACE
DEATH SENTENCES IN THE NEAR
FUTURE.

DEATH SENTENCES IN THE NEAR
FUTURE.
MEANWHILE, IN MOROCCO, THE

FUTURE.
MEANWHILE, IN MOROCCO, THE
VACATIONING SHAH ANNOUNCED THAT

MEANWHILE, IN MOROCCO, THE
VACATIONING SHAH ANNOUNCED THAT
HE PLANS TO EXTEND HIS HOLIDAY

VACATIONING SHAH ANNOUNCED THAT
HE PLANS TO EXTEND HIS HOLIDAY
FOR AT LEAST ONE MORE WEEK AND

HE PLANS TO EXTEND HIS HOLIDAY
FOR AT LEAST ONE MORE WEEK AND
POSSIBLY LONGER.

FOR AT LEAST ONE MORE WEEK AND
POSSIBLY LONGER.
AS HE LEFT MEXICO THIS WEEK,

POSSIBLY LONGER.
AS HE LEFT MEXICO THIS WEEK,
PRESIDENT CARTER TOASTED MEXICAN

AS HE LEFT MEXICO THIS WEEK,
PRESIDENT CARTER TOASTED MEXICAN
PRESIDENT PORTILLO AFTER

PRESIDENT CARTER TOASTED MEXICAN
PRESIDENT PORTILLO AFTER
APOLOGIZING FOR SAYING HE ONCE

PRESIDENT PORTILLO AFTER
APOLOGIZING FOR SAYING HE ONCE
HAD MONTEZUMA'S REVENGE.

APOLOGIZING FOR SAYING HE ONCE
HAD MONTEZUMA'S REVENGE.
PORTILLO GRACIOUSLY ACCEPTED

HAD MONTEZUMA'S REVENGE.
PORTILLO GRACIOUSLY ACCEPTED
THE APOLOGY, EXPLAINING THAT

PORTILLO GRACIOUSLY ACCEPTED
THE APOLOGY, EXPLAINING THAT
WITH MEXICO'S NEW OIL RESERVES

THE APOLOGY, EXPLAINING THAT
WITH MEXICO'S NEW OIL RESERVES
THE MEANING OF MONTEZUMA'S

WITH MEXICO'S NEW OIL RESERVES
THE MEANING OF MONTEZUMA'S
REVENGE WILL CHANGE FROM RUNNING

THE MEANING OF MONTEZUMA'S
REVENGE WILL CHANGE FROM RUNNING
DOWN THE LEG TO PAYING THROUGH

REVENGE WILL CHANGE FROM RUNNING
DOWN THE LEG TO PAYING THROUGH
THE NOSE.

DOWN THE LEG TO PAYING THROUGH
THE NOSE.
BILL.

THE NOSE.
BILL.
LIFE AS WE KNOW IT WILL CEASE

BILL.
LIFE AS WE KNOW IT WILL CEASE
TO EXIST ON MARCH 1st OF THIS

LIFE AS WE KNOW IT WILL CEASE
TO EXIST ON MARCH 1st OF THIS
YEAR.

TO EXIST ON MARCH 1st OF THIS
YEAR.
INSTEAD, A NEW SPECIES OF

YEAR.
INSTEAD, A NEW SPECIES OF
WATER-BREATHING SUBAQUATIC

INSTEAD, A NEW SPECIES OF
WATER-BREATHING SUBAQUATIC
MAMMALS WILL BLANKET OUR EARTH,

WATER-BREATHING SUBAQUATIC
MAMMALS WILL BLANKET OUR EARTH,
CAVORTING AND OCCUPYING HOUSES

MAMMALS WILL BLANKET OUR EARTH,
CAVORTING AND OCCUPYING HOUSES
AND APARTMENT BUILDINGS LEFT

CAVORTING AND OCCUPYING HOUSES
AND APARTMENT BUILDINGS LEFT
EMPTY BY HUMAN BEINGS.

AND APARTMENT BUILDINGS LEFT
EMPTY BY HUMAN BEINGS.
HUH.

EMPTY BY HUMAN BEINGS.
HUH.
AFTER TWO OIL-PRODUCING

HUH.
AFTER TWO OIL-PRODUCING
COUNTRIES RAISED OIL PRICES BY

AFTER TWO OIL-PRODUCING
COUNTRIES RAISED OIL PRICES BY
7% LAST WEEK, THE

COUNTRIES RAISED OIL PRICES BY
7% LAST WEEK, THE
VINEGAR-PRODUCING COUNTRIES ALSO

7% LAST WEEK, THE
VINEGAR-PRODUCING COUNTRIES ALSO
RAISED VINEGAR PRICES BY 7%.

VINEGAR-PRODUCING COUNTRIES ALSO
RAISED VINEGAR PRICES BY 7%.
AN ATW SPOKESMAN SAID THAT A

RAISED VINEGAR PRICES BY 7%.
AN ATW SPOKESMAN SAID THAT A
SERIOUS CRUNCH COULD RESULT FROM

AN ATW SPOKESMAN SAID THAT A
SERIOUS CRUNCH COULD RESULT FROM
THESE INCREASES AND CALLED FOR A

SERIOUS CRUNCH COULD RESULT FROM
THESE INCREASES AND CALLED FOR A
BAN ON SUNDAY SALAD DRESSING.

THESE INCREASES AND CALLED FOR A
BAN ON SUNDAY SALAD DRESSING.
JANE.

BAN ON SUNDAY SALAD DRESSING.
JANE.
MS. MAGAZINE'S COVER, USUALLY

JANE.
MS. MAGAZINE'S COVER, USUALLY
DEVOTED TO SUCH OBSCURE HEROES

MS. MAGAZINE'S COVER, USUALLY
DEVOTED TO SUCH OBSCURE HEROES
AS A CHICANA WHO KILLED HER

DEVOTED TO SUCH OBSCURE HEROES
AS A CHICANA WHO KILLED HER
RAPIST OR A MAN WHO TAKES CARE

AS A CHICANA WHO KILLED HER
RAPIST OR A MAN WHO TAKES CARE
OF HIS OWN BABY, BRINGS US IN

RAPIST OR A MAN WHO TAKES CARE
OF HIS OWN BABY, BRINGS US IN
MARCH THE FIRST AUTHORIZED COVER

OF HIS OWN BABY, BRINGS US IN
MARCH THE FIRST AUTHORIZED COVER
STORY ON

MARCH THE FIRST AUTHORIZED COVER
STORY ON
JACQUELINE KENNEDY ONASSIS SINCE

STORY ON
JACQUELINE KENNEDY ONASSIS SINCE
SHE LEFT THE WHITE HOUSE.

JACQUELINE KENNEDY ONASSIS SINCE
SHE LEFT THE WHITE HOUSE.
JACKIE, AS AN OFFICE WORKING

SHE LEFT THE WHITE HOUSE.
JACKIE, AS AN OFFICE WORKING
WOMAN, DOES HER OWN XEROXING AND

JACKIE, AS AN OFFICE WORKING
WOMAN, DOES HER OWN XEROXING AND
TYPING, BUT WHEN THERE'S A

WOMAN, DOES HER OWN XEROXING AND
TYPING, BUT WHEN THERE'S A
COFFEE BREAK, SHE FLIES TO

TYPING, BUT WHEN THERE'S A
COFFEE BREAK, SHE FLIES TO
BRAZIL.

COFFEE BREAK, SHE FLIES TO
BRAZIL.
WELL, TODAY IS INDEED A SAD

BRAZIL.
WELL, TODAY IS INDEED A SAD
OCCASION HERE AT "WEEKEND

WELL, TODAY IS INDEED A SAD
OCCASION HERE AT "WEEKEND
UPDATE."

OCCASION HERE AT "WEEKEND
UPDATE."
OUR BRILLIANT SPORTSCASTER

UPDATE."
OUR BRILLIANT SPORTSCASTER
CHICO ESCUELA IS TAKING A LEAVE

OUR BRILLIANT SPORTSCASTER
CHICO ESCUELA IS TAKING A LEAVE
OF ABSENCE TO GO TO SPRING

CHICO ESCUELA IS TAKING A LEAVE
OF ABSENCE TO GO TO SPRING
TRAINING TO ATTEMPT A COMEBACK

OF ABSENCE TO GO TO SPRING
TRAINING TO ATTEMPT A COMEBACK
WITH THE NEW YORK METS, THE TEAM

TRAINING TO ATTEMPT A COMEBACK
WITH THE NEW YORK METS, THE TEAM
FOR WHICH HE PLAYED UNTIL HE WAS

WITH THE NEW YORK METS, THE TEAM
FOR WHICH HE PLAYED UNTIL HE WAS
ALL WASHED UP, BEFORE JOINING

FOR WHICH HE PLAYED UNTIL HE WAS
ALL WASHED UP, BEFORE JOINING
US.

ALL WASHED UP, BEFORE JOINING
US.
WE'RE CERTAINLY GOING TO MISS

US.
WE'RE CERTAINLY GOING TO MISS
YOUR EXCEPTIONAL IN-DEPTH SPORTS

WE'RE CERTAINLY GOING TO MISS
YOUR EXCEPTIONAL IN-DEPTH SPORTS
ANALYSIS AND COMMAND OF THE

YOUR EXCEPTIONAL IN-DEPTH SPORTS
ANALYSIS AND COMMAND OF THE
ENGLISH LANGUAGE, CHICO.

ANALYSIS AND COMMAND OF THE
ENGLISH LANGUAGE, CHICO.
[Spanish accent] THANK YOU

ENGLISH LANGUAGE, CHICO.
[Spanish accent] THANK YOU
BE... THANK YOU BERY MUCH, HANE.

[Spanish accent] THANK YOU
BE... THANK YOU BERY MUCH, HANE.
BASEBALL BEEN BERY, BERY GOOD TO

BE... THANK YOU BERY MUCH, HANE.
BASEBALL BEEN BERY, BERY GOOD TO
ME.

BASEBALL BEEN BERY, BERY GOOD TO
ME.
BRINGING THE UPDATE NEWS TO YOU

ME.
BRINGING THE UPDATE NEWS TO YOU
BEEN BERY, BERY GOOD FOR ME.

BRINGING THE UPDATE NEWS TO YOU
BEEN BERY, BERY GOOD FOR ME.
I WILL MISS THE NEWS.

BEEN BERY, BERY GOOD FOR ME.
I WILL MISS THE NEWS.
SO I SAY, "ADlóS, NEWS."

I WILL MISS THE NEWS.
SO I SAY, "ADlóS, NEWS."
BILL MURRAY BEEN BERY, BERY GOOD

SO I SAY, "ADlóS, NEWS."
BILL MURRAY BEEN BERY, BERY GOOD
TO ME.

BILL MURRAY BEEN BERY, BERY GOOD
TO ME.
I WILL MISS BILL.

TO ME.
I WILL MISS BILL.
ADlóS, BILL.

I WILL MISS BILL.
ADlóS, BILL.
HANE CURTIN IS... HOW DO YOU

ADlóS, BILL.
HANE CURTIN IS... HOW DO YOU
SAY... A SARCASTIC BITCH.

HANE CURTIN IS... HOW DO YOU
SAY... A SARCASTIC BITCH.
CHICO WON'T MISS HANE.

SAY... A SARCASTIC BITCH.
CHICO WON'T MISS HANE.
SO, CHICO GO BACK TO BASEBALL

CHICO WON'T MISS HANE.
SO, CHICO GO BACK TO BASEBALL
'CAUSE BASEBALL BEEN MUCH BETTER

SO, CHICO GO BACK TO BASEBALL
'CAUSE BASEBALL BEEN MUCH BETTER
TO CHICO THAN HANE.

'CAUSE BASEBALL BEEN MUCH BETTER
TO CHICO THAN HANE.
ADlóS, HANE.

TO CHICO THAN HANE.
ADlóS, HANE.
GOODBYE, CHICO.

ADlóS, HANE.
GOODBYE, CHICO.
THIS JUST IN FROM IRAN.

GOODBYE, CHICO.
THIS JUST IN FROM IRAN.
THE AYATOLLAH TOLD THE SHAH TO

THIS JUST IN FROM IRAN.
THE AYATOLLAH TOLD THE SHAH TO
SHOO.

THE AYATOLLAH TOLD THE SHAH TO
SHOO.
NOW THE AYATOLLAH'S FRONT-PAGE

SHOO.
NOW THE AYATOLLAH'S FRONT-PAGE
NEWS.

NOW THE AYATOLLAH'S FRONT-PAGE
NEWS.
KHOMEINI-MEENIE-MO, THE SHAH

NEWS.
KHOMEINI-MEENIE-MO, THE SHAH
JUST HAD TO GO.

KHOMEINI-MEENIE-MO, THE SHAH
JUST HAD TO GO.
NOW AYATOLLAH FILLS THE SHAH'S

JUST HAD TO GO.
NOW AYATOLLAH FILLS THE SHAH'S
SHOES.

NOW AYATOLLAH FILLS THE SHAH'S
SHOES.
THIS WEEK WHILE DEVELOPMENTS

SHOES.
THIS WEEK WHILE DEVELOPMENTS
WERE BREAKING AT HOME AND

THIS WEEK WHILE DEVELOPMENTS
WERE BREAKING AT HOME AND
ABROAD, PRESIDENT CARTER WAS IN

WERE BREAKING AT HOME AND
ABROAD, PRESIDENT CARTER WAS IN
MEXICO WITH

ABROAD, PRESIDENT CARTER WAS IN
MEXICO WITH
SECRETARY OF STATE VANCE AND

MEXICO WITH
SECRETARY OF STATE VANCE AND
SECURITY ADVISER

SECRETARY OF STATE VANCE AND
SECURITY ADVISER
ZBIGNIEW BRZEZINSKI.

SECURITY ADVISER
ZBIGNIEW BRZEZINSKI.
DEFENSE SECRETARY BROWN WAS IN

ZBIGNIEW BRZEZINSKI.
DEFENSE SECRETARY BROWN WAS IN
ISRAEL.

DEFENSE SECRETARY BROWN WAS IN
ISRAEL.
AND VICE PRESIDENT MONDALE WAS

ISRAEL.
AND VICE PRESIDENT MONDALE WAS
SKIING IN COLORADO.

AND VICE PRESIDENT MONDALE WAS
SKIING IN COLORADO.
CONSEQUENTLY, FOR 48 HOURS, THE

SKIING IN COLORADO.
CONSEQUENTLY, FOR 48 HOURS, THE
MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN

CONSEQUENTLY, FOR 48 HOURS, THE
MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN
WASHINGTON WAS SINGER

MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN
WASHINGTON WAS SINGER
EARTHA KITT, WHO WAS IN TOWN

WASHINGTON WAS SINGER
EARTHA KITT, WHO WAS IN TOWN
REHEARSING FOR AN OPENING NEXT

EARTHA KITT, WHO WAS IN TOWN
REHEARSING FOR AN OPENING NEXT
WEEK.

REHEARSING FOR AN OPENING NEXT
WEEK.
BILL.

WEEK.
BILL.
OBSERVING LINCOLN'S BIRTHDAY

BILL.
OBSERVING LINCOLN'S BIRTHDAY
THIS WEEK, A NEW ROCK GROUP

OBSERVING LINCOLN'S BIRTHDAY
THIS WEEK, A NEW ROCK GROUP
CALLING THEMSELVES

THIS WEEK, A NEW ROCK GROUP
CALLING THEMSELVES
THE HONEST ABES OPENED FORD'S

CALLING THEMSELVES
THE HONEST ABES OPENED FORD'S
THEATRE IN WASHINGTON.

THE HONEST ABES OPENED FORD'S
THEATRE IN WASHINGTON.
UNFORTUNATELY THE GROUP WAS SHOT

THEATRE IN WASHINGTON.
UNFORTUNATELY THE GROUP WAS SHOT
TO DEATH DURING ITS SECOND

UNFORTUNATELY THE GROUP WAS SHOT
TO DEATH DURING ITS SECOND
NUMBER.

TO DEATH DURING ITS SECOND
NUMBER.
A SPOKESMAN SAID THE LIKES OF

NUMBER.
A SPOKESMAN SAID THE LIKES OF
THEM WILL NOT PASS THIS WAY

A SPOKESMAN SAID THE LIKES OF
THEM WILL NOT PASS THIS WAY
AGAIN.

THEM WILL NOT PASS THIS WAY
AGAIN.
AN NBC NEWS POLL SHOWS THAT

AGAIN.
AN NBC NEWS POLL SHOWS THAT
ALMOST TWICE AS MANY AMERICANS

AN NBC NEWS POLL SHOWS THAT
ALMOST TWICE AS MANY AMERICANS
KNOW THAT ASPARAGUS CHANGES THE

ALMOST TWICE AS MANY AMERICANS
KNOW THAT ASPARAGUS CHANGES THE
ODOR OF SOME PEOPLE'S URINE AS

KNOW THAT ASPARAGUS CHANGES THE
ODOR OF SOME PEOPLE'S URINE AS
KNOW THE TWO COUNTRIES INVOLVED

ODOR OF SOME PEOPLE'S URINE AS
KNOW THE TWO COUNTRIES INVOLVED
IN THE S.A.L.T. TALKS.

KNOW THE TWO COUNTRIES INVOLVED
IN THE S.A.L.T. TALKS.
THINK ABOUT THAT, JANE.

IN THE S.A.L.T. TALKS.
THINK ABOUT THAT, JANE.
AS PREDICTED, CHINA ATTACKED

THINK ABOUT THAT, JANE.
AS PREDICTED, CHINA ATTACKED
VIETNAM TODAY IN RETALIATION FOR

AS PREDICTED, CHINA ATTACKED
VIETNAM TODAY IN RETALIATION FOR
THE INVASION OF CAMBODIA.

VIETNAM TODAY IN RETALIATION FOR
THE INVASION OF CAMBODIA.
WHILE REACTION FROM WASHINGTON

THE INVASION OF CAMBODIA.
WHILE REACTION FROM WASHINGTON
WAS NOT IMMEDIATELY FORTHCOMING,

WHILE REACTION FROM WASHINGTON
WAS NOT IMMEDIATELY FORTHCOMING,
"WEEKEND UPDATE" DID REACH

WAS NOT IMMEDIATELY FORTHCOMING,
"WEEKEND UPDATE" DID REACH
GOVERNMENT SPOKESMAN

"WEEKEND UPDATE" DID REACH
GOVERNMENT SPOKESMAN
BILLY CARTER, WHO SAID, "THERE'S

GOVERNMENT SPOKESMAN
BILLY CARTER, WHO SAID, "THERE'S
A HELL OF A LOT MORE CHINESE

BILLY CARTER, WHO SAID, "THERE'S
A HELL OF A LOT MORE CHINESE
THAN THERE ARE JEWS, AND THEY

A HELL OF A LOT MORE CHINESE
THAN THERE ARE JEWS, AND THEY
CAN KISS MS. LILLIAN AS FAR AS

THAN THERE ARE JEWS, AND THEY
CAN KISS MS. LILLIAN AS FAR AS
I'M CONCERNED NOW."

CAN KISS MS. LILLIAN AS FAR AS
I'M CONCERNED NOW."
HELLO, I'M STATION MANAGER

I'M CONCERNED NOW."
HELLO, I'M STATION MANAGER
DAN AYKROYD.

HELLO, I'M STATION MANAGER
DAN AYKROYD.
IN THE LAST SEVERAL YEARS,

DAN AYKROYD.
IN THE LAST SEVERAL YEARS,
DOMESTIC CONSUMPTION OF THE DRUG

IN THE LAST SEVERAL YEARS,
DOMESTIC CONSUMPTION OF THE DRUG
COCAINE HAS RADICALLY INCREASED.

DOMESTIC CONSUMPTION OF THE DRUG
COCAINE HAS RADICALLY INCREASED.
THIS IS THE SUBJECT OF TONIGHT'S

COCAINE HAS RADICALLY INCREASED.
THIS IS THE SUBJECT OF TONIGHT'S
"POINT/COUNTERPOINT."

THIS IS THE SUBJECT OF TONIGHT'S
"POINT/COUNTERPOINT."
JANE WILL TAKE THE PRO-COCAINE

"POINT/COUNTERPOINT."
JANE WILL TAKE THE PRO-COCAINE
POINT, AND I WILL TAKE THE

JANE WILL TAKE THE PRO-COCAINE
POINT, AND I WILL TAKE THE
ANTI-COCAINE COUNTERPOINT.

POINT, AND I WILL TAKE THE
ANTI-COCAINE COUNTERPOINT.
DAN, YOU'RE CERTAINLY OLD

ANTI-COCAINE COUNTERPOINT.
DAN, YOU'RE CERTAINLY OLD
ENOUGH TO REMEMBER THE FILM

DAN, YOU'RE CERTAINLY OLD
ENOUGH TO REMEMBER THE FILM
"REEFER MADNESS."

ENOUGH TO REMEMBER THE FILM
"REEFER MADNESS."
IN THIS EARLY ANTI-MARIJUANA

"REEFER MADNESS."
IN THIS EARLY ANTI-MARIJUANA
PROPAGANDA FILM, ONE PUFF OF

IN THIS EARLY ANTI-MARIJUANA
PROPAGANDA FILM, ONE PUFF OF
THIS DREADED DRUG INDUCED CRAZED

PROPAGANDA FILM, ONE PUFF OF
THIS DREADED DRUG INDUCED CRAZED
LAUGHTER AND A WANTON SEXUAL

THIS DREADED DRUG INDUCED CRAZED
LAUGHTER AND A WANTON SEXUAL
APPETITE.

LAUGHTER AND A WANTON SEXUAL
APPETITE.
WELL, DAN, I'VE SMOKED

APPETITE.
WELL, DAN, I'VE SMOKED
MARIJUANA, AND WHILE I DON'T

WELL, DAN, I'VE SMOKED
MARIJUANA, AND WHILE I DON'T
PARTICULARLY LIKE ITS EFFECTS, I

MARIJUANA, AND WHILE I DON'T
PARTICULARLY LIKE ITS EFFECTS, I
CAN ASSURE YOU IT NEITHER

PARTICULARLY LIKE ITS EFFECTS, I
CAN ASSURE YOU IT NEITHER
INDUCED LAUGHTER NOR CHANGED MY

CAN ASSURE YOU IT NEITHER
INDUCED LAUGHTER NOR CHANGED MY
SEXUAL DRIVE.

INDUCED LAUGHTER NOR CHANGED MY
SEXUAL DRIVE.
WELL, COCAINE HAS GOTTEN THE

SEXUAL DRIVE.
WELL, COCAINE HAS GOTTEN THE
SAME BAD RAP, DAN.

WELL, COCAINE HAS GOTTEN THE
SAME BAD RAP, DAN.
I ONCE TRIED COCAINE ON A BOAT

SAME BAD RAP, DAN.
I ONCE TRIED COCAINE ON A BOAT
OUTSIDE THE 3-MILE TERRITORIAL

I ONCE TRIED COCAINE ON A BOAT
OUTSIDE THE 3-MILE TERRITORIAL
LIMIT.

OUTSIDE THE 3-MILE TERRITORIAL
LIMIT.
AND WHILE I DID NOT PARTICULARLY

LIMIT.
AND WHILE I DID NOT PARTICULARLY
LIKE ITS EFFECTS, I WILL NEVER,

AND WHILE I DID NOT PARTICULARLY
LIKE ITS EFFECTS, I WILL NEVER,
EVER TRY IT AGAIN.

LIKE ITS EFFECTS, I WILL NEVER,
EVER TRY IT AGAIN.
IT ISN'T THE DEVIL DRUG ITS

EVER TRY IT AGAIN.
IT ISN'T THE DEVIL DRUG ITS
HYSTERICAL CRITICS CLAIM IT IS.

IT ISN'T THE DEVIL DRUG ITS
HYSTERICAL CRITICS CLAIM IT IS.
COME ON, DAN.

HYSTERICAL CRITICS CLAIM IT IS.
COME ON, DAN.
AREN'T ALL THESE DRUG LAWS JUST

COME ON, DAN.
AREN'T ALL THESE DRUG LAWS JUST
A LITTLE SILLY?

AREN'T ALL THESE DRUG LAWS JUST
A LITTLE SILLY?
DIDN'T WE LEARN OUR LESSON FROM

A LITTLE SILLY?
DIDN'T WE LEARN OUR LESSON FROM
PROHIBITION?

DIDN'T WE LEARN OUR LESSON FROM
PROHIBITION?
IT SHOULD BE EVERY AMERICAN'S

PROHIBITION?
IT SHOULD BE EVERY AMERICAN'S
GOD-GIVEN RIGHT TO ENJOY HIS

IT SHOULD BE EVERY AMERICAN'S
GOD-GIVEN RIGHT TO ENJOY HIS
FAVORITE DRUG, WHETHER IT BE

GOD-GIVEN RIGHT TO ENJOY HIS
FAVORITE DRUG, WHETHER IT BE
MARIJUANA, COCAINE, OR YOUR FOUR

FAVORITE DRUG, WHETHER IT BE
MARIJUANA, COCAINE, OR YOUR FOUR
MARTINIS AT COCKTAIL HOUR.

MARIJUANA, COCAINE, OR YOUR FOUR
MARTINIS AT COCKTAIL HOUR.
DAN.

MARTINIS AT COCKTAIL HOUR.
DAN.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

DAN.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
JANE, YOU IGNORANT SLUT.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
JANE, YOU IGNORANT SLUT.
WHEN ONE TALKS OF THE DANGER OF

JANE, YOU IGNORANT SLUT.
WHEN ONE TALKS OF THE DANGER OF
DRUGS, ONE IS NOT CONCERNED WITH

WHEN ONE TALKS OF THE DANGER OF
DRUGS, ONE IS NOT CONCERNED WITH
THE CASUAL USER, SUCH AS

DRUGS, ONE IS NOT CONCERNED WITH
THE CASUAL USER, SUCH AS
YOURSELF, WHO BOWS TO SOCIAL

THE CASUAL USER, SUCH AS
YOURSELF, WHO BOWS TO SOCIAL
PRESSURE, TAKES AN OCCASIONAL

YOURSELF, WHO BOWS TO SOCIAL
PRESSURE, TAKES AN OCCASIONAL
TOKE OR SNORT AS A PRELUDE TO

PRESSURE, TAKES AN OCCASIONAL
TOKE OR SNORT AS A PRELUDE TO
SEXUAL INTERCOURSE WITH A

TOKE OR SNORT AS A PRELUDE TO
SEXUAL INTERCOURSE WITH A
STRANGER.

SEXUAL INTERCOURSE WITH A
STRANGER.
NO.

STRANGER.
NO.
MY CONCERN IS THE HABITUAL USER

NO.
MY CONCERN IS THE HABITUAL USER
FOR WHOM THE CUMULATIVE EFFECT

MY CONCERN IS THE HABITUAL USER
FOR WHOM THE CUMULATIVE EFFECT
OF THE DRUG... IN THIS CASE,

FOR WHOM THE CUMULATIVE EFFECT
OF THE DRUG... IN THIS CASE,
COCAINE... CAN LEAD TO PARANOIA,

OF THE DRUG... IN THIS CASE,
COCAINE... CAN LEAD TO PARANOIA,
HYPERTENSION, A COLLAPSED NOSE,

COCAINE... CAN LEAD TO PARANOIA,
HYPERTENSION, A COLLAPSED NOSE,
AND THE DISTORTION OF REALITY.

HYPERTENSION, A COLLAPSED NOSE,
AND THE DISTORTION OF REALITY.
AS FOR MARIJUANA, THE RESULTS

AND THE DISTORTION OF REALITY.
AS FOR MARIJUANA, THE RESULTS
ARE NOT ALL IN, BUT EVIDENCE

AS FOR MARIJUANA, THE RESULTS
ARE NOT ALL IN, BUT EVIDENCE
POINTS TO A LONG-TERM LOSS OF

ARE NOT ALL IN, BUT EVIDENCE
POINTS TO A LONG-TERM LOSS OF
SHORT-TERM MEMORY, REDUCTION OF

POINTS TO A LONG-TERM LOSS OF
SHORT-TERM MEMORY, REDUCTION OF
THE TESTOSTERONE LEVELS IN

SHORT-TERM MEMORY, REDUCTION OF
THE TESTOSTERONE LEVELS IN
MALES, HYPERDEVELOPMENT IN THE

THE TESTOSTERONE LEVELS IN
MALES, HYPERDEVELOPMENT IN THE
MALE MAMMALIA, AND A GENERAL

MALES, HYPERDEVELOPMENT IN THE
MALE MAMMALIA, AND A GENERAL
LACK OF AMBITION, WHICH HAS

MALE MAMMALIA, AND A GENERAL
LACK OF AMBITION, WHICH HAS
DESTROYED THIS NATION'S ECONOMY.

LACK OF AMBITION, WHICH HAS
DESTROYED THIS NATION'S ECONOMY.
MAYBE PARAQUAT WASN'T SUCH A BAD

DESTROYED THIS NATION'S ECONOMY.
MAYBE PARAQUAT WASN'T SUCH A BAD
IDEA.

MAYBE PARAQUAT WASN'T SUCH A BAD
IDEA.
AS A COLORLESS, ODORLESS,

IDEA.
AS A COLORLESS, ODORLESS,
TASTELESS SUBSTANCE WHICH CAUSES

AS A COLORLESS, ODORLESS,
TASTELESS SUBSTANCE WHICH CAUSES
LUNG DAMAGE, IT DETERRED AT

TASTELESS SUBSTANCE WHICH CAUSES
LUNG DAMAGE, IT DETERRED AT
LEAST TEMPORARILY SOME MARIJUANA

LUNG DAMAGE, IT DETERRED AT
LEAST TEMPORARILY SOME MARIJUANA
CONSUMPTION.

LEAST TEMPORARILY SOME MARIJUANA
CONSUMPTION.
PERHAPS A STRONGER SUCH

CONSUMPTION.
PERHAPS A STRONGER SUCH
SUBSTANCE SHOULD BE ADDED TO

PERHAPS A STRONGER SUCH
SUBSTANCE SHOULD BE ADDED TO
COCAINE...

SUBSTANCE SHOULD BE ADDED TO
COCAINE...
ONE WHICH CAUSES THE ACTUAL

COCAINE...
ONE WHICH CAUSES THE ACTUAL
VISIBLE COUGHING OF BLOOD.

ONE WHICH CAUSES THE ACTUAL
VISIBLE COUGHING OF BLOOD.
LET'S REALLY MAKE KILLER DOPE

VISIBLE COUGHING OF BLOOD.
LET'S REALLY MAKE KILLER DOPE
KILLER DOPE AND RID THE WORLD OF

LET'S REALLY MAKE KILLER DOPE
KILLER DOPE AND RID THE WORLD OF
DRUG-DEPENDENT DEGENERATES.

KILLER DOPE AND RID THE WORLD OF
DRUG-DEPENDENT DEGENERATES.
THEN WE CAN TURN OUR FULL

DRUG-DEPENDENT DEGENERATES.
THEN WE CAN TURN OUR FULL
ATTENTION TO DRIED-UP,

THEN WE CAN TURN OUR FULL
ATTENTION TO DRIED-UP,
HAGGED-OUT, IGNORANT SLUTS LIKE

ATTENTION TO DRIED-UP,
HAGGED-OUT, IGNORANT SLUTS LIKE
YOURSELF.

HAGGED-OUT, IGNORANT SLUTS LIKE
YOURSELF.
THAT'S THE NEWS.

YOURSELF.
THAT'S THE NEWS.
GOOD NIGHT.

THAT'S THE NEWS.
GOOD NIGHT.
AND HAVE A PLEASANT TOMORROW.

GOOD NIGHT.
AND HAVE A PLEASANT TOMORROW.
THANK YOU.

AHORA, CON MUCHO GUSTO,
PRESENTAMOS EL PROGRAMA
FAVORITO...

PRESENTAMOS EL PROGRAMA
FAVORITO...
"i¿QUléN ES MáS MACHO?!" CON LA

FAVORITO...
"i¿QUléN ES MáS MACHO?!" CON LA
ESTRELLA PACO VALENZUELA.

"i¿QUléN ES MáS MACHO?!" CON LA
ESTRELLA PACO VALENZUELA.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

ESTRELLA PACO VALENZUELA.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HOLA, AMIGOS.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HOLA, AMIGOS.
BIENVENIDOS AL PROGRAMA

HOLA, AMIGOS.
BIENVENIDOS AL PROGRAMA
"i¿QUléN ES MáS MACHO?!," O PARA

BIENVENIDOS AL PROGRAMA
"i¿QUléN ES MáS MACHO?!," O PARA
LOS TELEVIDENTES AMERICANOS,

"i¿QUléN ES MáS MACHO?!," O PARA
LOS TELEVIDENTES AMERICANOS,
"WHO IS MORE MACHO?"

LOS TELEVIDENTES AMERICANOS,
"WHO IS MORE MACHO?"
EN UN MOMENTO, COMENZAMOS LA

"WHO IS MORE MACHO?"
EN UN MOMENTO, COMENZAMOS LA
COMPETIClóN.

EN UN MOMENTO, COMENZAMOS LA
COMPETIClóN.
PRIMERO VISITEMOS LOS

COMPETIClóN.
PRIMERO VISITEMOS LOS
CONTESTANTES.

PRIMERO VISITEMOS LOS
CONTESTANTES.
HOLA, CONTESTANTES.

CONTESTANTES.
HOLA, CONTESTANTES.
HOLA, PACO.

HOLA, CONTESTANTES.
HOLA, PACO.
HOLA, PACO.

HOLA, PACO.
HOLA, PACO.
VAMOS A HABLAR CON

HOLA, PACO.
VAMOS A HABLAR CON
CONTESTANTE NúMERO UNO.

VAMOS A HABLAR CON
CONTESTANTE NúMERO UNO.
HOLA.

CONTESTANTE NúMERO UNO.
HOLA.
¿CóMO TE LLAMAS?

HOLA.
¿CóMO TE LLAMAS?
ME LLAMO JORGE LóPEZ.

¿CóMO TE LLAMAS?
ME LLAMO JORGE LóPEZ.
[LAUGHS]

ME LLAMO JORGE LóPEZ.
[LAUGHS]
¿QUé ES Tú PROFESlóN?

[LAUGHS]
¿QUé ES Tú PROFESlóN?
TRABAJO EN LA BIBLIOTECA.

¿QUé ES Tú PROFESlóN?
TRABAJO EN LA BIBLIOTECA.
QUE INTERESANTE.

TRABAJO EN LA BIBLIOTECA.
QUE INTERESANTE.
¿LA BIBLIOTECA ES MUY MACHO?

QUE INTERESANTE.
¿LA BIBLIOTECA ES MUY MACHO?
Sí, EN BIBLIOTECA, HAY MUCHOS

¿LA BIBLIOTECA ES MUY MACHO?
Sí, EN BIBLIOTECA, HAY MUCHOS
LIBROS.

Sí, EN BIBLIOTECA, HAY MUCHOS
LIBROS.
¿DóNDE ES LA BIBLIOTECA?

LIBROS.
¿DóNDE ES LA BIBLIOTECA?
NO ES LEJOS.

¿DóNDE ES LA BIBLIOTECA?
NO ES LEJOS.
¿VAMOS A LA BIBLIOTECA?

NO ES LEJOS.
¿VAMOS A LA BIBLIOTECA?
[Laughing] NO, JUGAMOS

¿VAMOS A LA BIBLIOTECA?
[Laughing] NO, JUGAMOS
"i¿QUléN ES MáS MACHO?!" AQUí EN

[Laughing] NO, JUGAMOS
"i¿QUléN ES MáS MACHO?!" AQUí EN
EL ESTUDIO.

"i¿QUléN ES MáS MACHO?!" AQUí EN
EL ESTUDIO.
AY, EXCUSE ME.

EL ESTUDIO.
AY, EXCUSE ME.
CON MUCHO GUSTO.

AY, EXCUSE ME.
CON MUCHO GUSTO.
[LAUGHTER]

CON MUCHO GUSTO.
[LAUGHTER]
HOLA.

[LAUGHTER]
HOLA.
¿CóMO TE LLAMAS?

HOLA.
¿CóMO TE LLAMAS?
ME LLAMO GRACIALA CORTEZ, Y

¿CóMO TE LLAMAS?
ME LLAMO GRACIALA CORTEZ, Y
SOY AMA DE CASA.

ME LLAMO GRACIALA CORTEZ, Y
SOY AMA DE CASA.
¿QUé PROFESlóN ES TU ESPOSA?

SOY AMA DE CASA.
¿QUé PROFESlóN ES TU ESPOSA?
MI ESPOSA ES EXTERMINADOR.

¿QUé PROFESlóN ES TU ESPOSA?
MI ESPOSA ES EXTERMINADOR.
¿VERDAD?

MI ESPOSA ES EXTERMINADOR.
¿VERDAD?
¿QUé TIPO DE INSECTOS EXTERMINA?

¿VERDAD?
¿QUé TIPO DE INSECTOS EXTERMINA?
OH, MOSQUITOS, CUCARACHAS...

¿QUé TIPO DE INSECTOS EXTERMINA?
OH, MOSQUITOS, CUCARACHAS...
TODOS LOS INSECTOS.

OH, MOSQUITOS, CUCARACHAS...
TODOS LOS INSECTOS.
OYE, EXTERMINADOR ES

TODOS LOS INSECTOS.
OYE, EXTERMINADOR ES
PROFESlóN MUY MACHO.

OYE, EXTERMINADOR ES
PROFESlóN MUY MACHO.
MUY BIEN. MUY BIEN.

PROFESlóN MUY MACHO.
MUY BIEN. MUY BIEN.
¿PREPARADAS?

MUY BIEN. MUY BIEN.
¿PREPARADAS?
AHORA JUGAMOS

¿PREPARADAS?
AHORA JUGAMOS
"i¿QUléN ES MáS MACHO?!"

AHORA JUGAMOS
"i¿QUléN ES MáS MACHO?!"
CUESTlóN NúMERO UNO... JORGE,

"i¿QUléN ES MáS MACHO?!"
CUESTlóN NúMERO UNO... JORGE,
GRACIALA, BIEN.

CUESTlóN NúMERO UNO... JORGE,
GRACIALA, BIEN.
¿QUléN ES MáS MACHO...

GRACIALA, BIEN.
¿QUléN ES MáS MACHO...
FERNANDO LLAMAS O

¿QUléN ES MáS MACHO...
FERNANDO LLAMAS O
RICARDO MONTALBáN?

FERNANDO LLAMAS O
RICARDO MONTALBáN?
[LAUGHTER]

RICARDO MONTALBáN?
[LAUGHTER]
¿QUléN ES MáS MACHO...

[LAUGHTER]
¿QUléN ES MáS MACHO...
SR. LLAMAS O MONTALBáN?

¿QUléN ES MáS MACHO...
SR. LLAMAS O MONTALBáN?
[BUZZER]

SR. LLAMAS O MONTALBáN?
[BUZZER]
JORGE.

[BUZZER]
JORGE.
¿RICARDO MONTALBáN?

JORGE.
¿RICARDO MONTALBáN?
RICARDO MONTALBáN ES MáS

¿RICARDO MONTALBáN?
RICARDO MONTALBáN ES MáS
MACHO.

RICARDO MONTALBáN ES MáS
MACHO.
¿POR QUé?

MACHO.
¿POR QUé?
PORQUE CORDOBA ES AUTOMóVIL

¿POR QUé?
PORQUE CORDOBA ES AUTOMóVIL
MUY MACHO.

PORQUE CORDOBA ES AUTOMóVIL
MUY MACHO.
[LAUGHTER]

MUY MACHO.
[LAUGHTER]
[BUZZER]

[LAUGHTER]
[BUZZER]
NO, ES FALSO.

[BUZZER]
NO, ES FALSO.
FERNANDO LLAMAS ES UN POQUITO

NO, ES FALSO.
FERNANDO LLAMAS ES UN POQUITO
MáS MACHO.

FERNANDO LLAMAS ES UN POQUITO
MáS MACHO.
PERDóN.

MáS MACHO.
PERDóN.
GRACIALITA...

PERDóN.
GRACIALITA...
MUY CALIENTE.

GRACIALITA...
MUY CALIENTE.
AHORA, CUESTlóN BONUS PARA Tí.

MUY CALIENTE.
AHORA, CUESTlóN BONUS PARA Tí.
LA CUESTlóN ES EN TRES PARTES.

AHORA, CUESTlóN BONUS PARA Tí.
LA CUESTlóN ES EN TRES PARTES.
Sí. Sí.

LA CUESTlóN ES EN TRES PARTES.
Sí. Sí.
ESCUCHA BIEN.

Sí. Sí.
ESCUCHA BIEN.
¿QUléN ES MáS MACHO...

ESCUCHA BIEN.
¿QUléN ES MáS MACHO...
DAVID JOHNSON, LLOYD BRIDGES, O

¿QUléN ES MáS MACHO...
DAVID JOHNSON, LLOYD BRIDGES, O
JACK LLOYD?

DAVID JOHNSON, LLOYD BRIDGES, O
JACK LLOYD?
REPITO.

JACK LLOYD?
REPITO.
¿DAVID JOHNSON, LLOYD BRIDGES, O

REPITO.
¿DAVID JOHNSON, LLOYD BRIDGES, O
JACK LLOYD?

¿DAVID JOHNSON, LLOYD BRIDGES, O
JACK LLOYD?
[CLOCK TICKS]

PARA LOS TELEVIDENTES EN

CASA, LA DECISlóN CORRECTA ES EL

PROTAGONISTA DE INVESTIGADOR

SUBMARINO, LLOYD BRIDGES.

[BUZZER]
TIEMPO.
¿NERVIOSA?

TIEMPO.
¿NERVIOSA?
Sí, ES MUY DIFíCIL.

¿NERVIOSA?
Sí, ES MUY DIFíCIL.
Sí, ES DIFICILíSIMO.

Sí, ES MUY DIFíCIL.
Sí, ES DIFICILíSIMO.
¿TU DECISlóN?

Sí, ES DIFICILíSIMO.
¿TU DECISlóN?
LLOYD BRIDGES.

¿TU DECISlóN?
LLOYD BRIDGES.
iSí, LLOYD BRIDGES ES MáS

LLOYD BRIDGES.
iSí, LLOYD BRIDGES ES MáS
MACHO!

ISí, LLOYD BRIDGES ES MáS
MACHO!
[BELL DINGING]

MACHO!
[BELL DINGING]
[APPLAUSE]

[BELL DINGING]
[APPLAUSE]
EXCELENTE, GRACIALITA.

[APPLAUSE]
EXCELENTE, GRACIALITA.
MUY BIEN, GRACIALITA.

EXCELENTE, GRACIALITA.
MUY BIEN, GRACIALITA.
MUY BIEN.

MUY BIEN, GRACIALITA.
MUY BIEN.
MUY BIEN.

MUY BIEN.
MUY BIEN.
¿TE GUSTA LLOYD BRIDGES?

MUY BIEN.
¿TE GUSTA LLOYD BRIDGES?
OH, Sí.

¿TE GUSTA LLOYD BRIDGES?
OH, Sí.
TENEMOS FOTO.

OH, Sí.
TENEMOS FOTO.
OBSERVEMOS.

TENEMOS FOTO.
OBSERVEMOS.
LLOYD BRIDGES ES MUY MACHO,

OBSERVEMOS.
LLOYD BRIDGES ES MUY MACHO,
¿VERDAD?

LLOYD BRIDGES ES MUY MACHO,
¿VERDAD?
Sí, ES MUY MUSCULOSO.

¿VERDAD?
Sí, ES MUY MUSCULOSO.
Sí, LLOYD BRIDGES ES

Sí, ES MUY MUSCULOSO.
Sí, LLOYD BRIDGES ES
MUSCULOSíSIMO.

Sí, LLOYD BRIDGES ES
MUSCULOSíSIMO.
Sí.

MUSCULOSíSIMO.
Sí.
BIEN.

Sí.
BIEN.
[APPLAUSE]

BIEN.
[APPLAUSE]
VERDAD, GRACIALITA.

[APPLAUSE]
VERDAD, GRACIALITA.
OKAY, PACO, GET YOUR HANDS UP

VERDAD, GRACIALITA.
OKAY, PACO, GET YOUR HANDS UP
AND KEEP THEM UP.

OKAY, PACO, GET YOUR HANDS UP
AND KEEP THEM UP.
DIOS, MIO.

AND KEEP THEM UP.
DIOS, MIO.
ES SR. ELIOT NESS Y LOS

DIOS, MIO.
ES SR. ELIOT NESS Y LOS
INTOCABLES.

ES SR. ELIOT NESS Y LOS
INTOCABLES.
THAT'S RIGHT, PACO.

INTOCABLES.
THAT'S RIGHT, PACO.
I'M GONNA HANG YOU OUT TO DRY.

THAT'S RIGHT, PACO.
I'M GONNA HANG YOU OUT TO DRY.
LEE, RICO, YOUNGBLOOD, COME ON.

I'M GONNA HANG YOU OUT TO DRY.
LEE, RICO, YOUNGBLOOD, COME ON.
NO COMPRENDO.

LEE, RICO, YOUNGBLOOD, COME ON.
NO COMPRENDO.
¿POR QUé, SR. NESS?

NO COMPRENDO.
¿POR QUé, SR. NESS?
¿POR QUé INTOCABLES APREHENDEN

¿POR QUé, SR. NESS?
¿POR QUé INTOCABLES APREHENDEN
LOS CONTESTANTES?

¿POR QUé INTOCABLES APREHENDEN
LOS CONTESTANTES?
DON'T PLAY DUMB, PACO.

LOS CONTESTANTES?
DON'T PLAY DUMB, PACO.
YOU'RE ILLEGAL ALIENS... YOU AND

DON'T PLAY DUMB, PACO.
YOU'RE ILLEGAL ALIENS... YOU AND
ALL YOUR PALS.

YOU'RE ILLEGAL ALIENS... YOU AND
ALL YOUR PALS.
OH, NO, NO.

ALL YOUR PALS.
OH, NO, NO.
TENEMOS DOCUMENTOS.

OH, NO, NO.
TENEMOS DOCUMENTOS.
YOU'LL HAVE TO DISCUSS THAT

TENEMOS DOCUMENTOS.
YOU'LL HAVE TO DISCUSS THAT
WITH THE IMMIGRATION AND

YOU'LL HAVE TO DISCUSS THAT
WITH THE IMMIGRATION AND
NATURALIZATION SERVICE.

WITH THE IMMIGRATION AND
NATURALIZATION SERVICE.
SERVICIO DE IMIGRAClóN Y

NATURALIZATION SERVICE.
SERVICIO DE IMIGRAClóN Y
NATURALIZAClóN ES MUY ESTúPIDO.

SERVICIO DE IMIGRAClóN Y
NATURALIZAClóN ES MUY ESTúPIDO.
MAYBE NOT AS STUPID AS YOU

NATURALIZAClóN ES MUY ESTúPIDO.
MAYBE NOT AS STUPID AS YOU
THINK.

MAYBE NOT AS STUPID AS YOU
THINK.
RICO, YOUNGBLOOD, SEARCH THE

THINK.
RICO, YOUNGBLOOD, SEARCH THE
PLACE.

RICO, YOUNGBLOOD, SEARCH THE
PLACE.
OUR FRIEND PACO PROBABLY HAS

PLACE.
OUR FRIEND PACO PROBABLY HAS
SOME BUDDIES HIDDEN AROUND HERE.

OUR FRIEND PACO PROBABLY HAS
SOME BUDDIES HIDDEN AROUND HERE.
YOU, COME ON!

SOME BUDDIES HIDDEN AROUND HERE.
YOU, COME ON!
GRACIAS.

YOU, COME ON!
GRACIAS.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

GRACIAS.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
COME ON. LET'S GO.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
COME ON. LET'S GO.
ARRIBA. LET'S GO.

COME ON. LET'S GO.
ARRIBA. LET'S GO.
AAAAAH!

ARRIBA. LET'S GO.
AAAAAH!
COME ON. COME ON.

AAAAAH!
COME ON. COME ON.
AAH!

COME ON. COME ON.
AAH!
OH! OH! OH! OH! OH!

AAH!
OH! OH! OH! OH! OH!
SR. NESS ES MUY MACHO.

OH! OH! OH! OH! OH!
SR. NESS ES MUY MACHO.
Sí, PERO SERVICIO IMIGRAClóN

SR. NESS ES MUY MACHO.
Sí, PERO SERVICIO IMIGRAClóN
ES MáS MACHO DE TODOS.

Sí, PERO SERVICIO IMIGRAClóN
ES MáS MACHO DE TODOS.
ALL RIGHT.

ES MáS MACHO DE TODOS.
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S GO.

ALL RIGHT.
LET'S GO.
COME ON.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
JUDY COLLINS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

JUDY COLLINS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[INTRO TO "HARD TIMES FOR

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[INTRO TO "HARD TIMES FOR
LOVERS" PLAYS]

[INTRO TO "HARD TIMES FOR
LOVERS" PLAYS]
♪ SEEMS LIKE IT WAS JUST A

[LOVERS" PLAYS]
♪ SEEMS LIKE IT WAS JUST A
WHILE AGO ♪

♪ SEEMS LIKE IT WAS JUST A
WHILE AGO ♪
♪ ALL OF MY FRIENDS AND I ♪

WHILE AGO ♪
♪ ALL OF MY FRIENDS AND I ♪
♪ WENT TO EACH OTHER'S

♪ ALL OF MY FRIENDS AND I ♪
♪ WENT TO EACH OTHER'S
WEDDINGS ♪

♪ WENT TO EACH OTHER'S
WEDDINGS ♪
♪ AND STOOD BY EACH OTHER'S

WEDDINGS ♪
♪ AND STOOD BY EACH OTHER'S
SIDES ♪

♪ AND STOOD BY EACH OTHER'S
SIDES ♪
♪ AND BECAME BRIDES ♪

♪ TALKING ON THE PHONE TO KURT
TODAY ♪
♪ HE SAID THAT HE AND LIZ WERE

TODAY ♪
♪ HE SAID THAT HE AND LIZ WERE
THROUGH ♪

♪ HE SAID THAT HE AND LIZ WERE
THROUGH ♪
♪ AND BY THE WAY THAT THINGS

THROUGH ♪
♪ AND BY THE WAY THAT THINGS
HAVE BEEN GOING ♪

♪ AND BY THE WAY THAT THINGS
HAVE BEEN GOING ♪
♪ YOU COULD SAY THAT THEY WERE

HAVE BEEN GOING ♪
♪ YOU COULD SAY THAT THEY WERE
OVERDUE ♪

♪ YOU COULD SAY THAT THEY WERE
OVERDUE ♪
♪ FOR EVERY OTHER MARRIED PAIR

OVERDUE ♪
♪ FOR EVERY OTHER MARRIED PAIR
OF US ♪

♪ FOR EVERY OTHER MARRIED PAIR
OF US ♪
♪ HAD ALREADY SPLIT IN TWO ♪

OF US ♪
♪ HAD ALREADY SPLIT IN TWO ♪
♪ EACH OF US TURNING OUT OUR

♪ HAD ALREADY SPLIT IN TWO ♪
♪ EACH OF US TURNING OUT OUR
LIVES ALONE ♪

♪ EACH OF US TURNING OUT OUR
LIVES ALONE ♪
♪ FOR SLEEPING WITH SOMEONE

LIVES ALONE ♪
♪ FOR SLEEPING WITH SOMEONE
NEW ♪

♪ FOR SLEEPING WITH SOMEONE
NEW ♪
♪ AIN'T IT TRUE? ♪

NEW ♪
♪ AIN'T IT TRUE? ♪
♪ THESE ARE HARD TIMES FOR

♪ AIN'T IT TRUE? ♪
♪ THESE ARE HARD TIMES FOR
LOVERS ♪

♪ THESE ARE HARD TIMES FOR
LOVERS ♪
♪ EVERYONE WANTS TO BE FREE ♪

LOVERS ♪
♪ EVERYONE WANTS TO BE FREE ♪
♪ AIN'T THESE HARD TIMES FOR

♪ EVERYONE WANTS TO BE FREE ♪
♪ AIN'T THESE HARD TIMES FOR
LOVERS? ♪

♪ AIN'T THESE HARD TIMES FOR
LOVERS? ♪
♪ EVERYONE SINGING, "I GOTTA BE

LOVERS? ♪
♪ EVERYONE SINGING, "I GOTTA BE
ME WITHOUT YOU" ♪

♪ NOW, HONEY, I'M SUPPOSED TO
TELL YOU ♪
♪ I'VE GOT TO LIVE FOR TODAY ♪

TELL YOU ♪
♪ I'VE GOT TO LIVE FOR TODAY ♪
♪ AND DON'T YOU KNOW IT IS MY

♪ I'VE GOT TO LIVE FOR TODAY ♪
♪ AND DON'T YOU KNOW IT IS MY
LIFETIME? ♪

♪ AND DON'T YOU KNOW IT IS MY
LIFETIME? ♪
♪ I'VE GOT TO LIVE IT MY OWN

LIFETIME? ♪
♪ I'VE GOT TO LIVE IT MY OWN
WAY ♪

♪ I'VE GOT TO LIVE IT MY OWN
WAY ♪
♪ BUT LATELY I CAN'T HELP

WAY ♪
♪ BUT LATELY I CAN'T HELP
THINKING ♪

♪ BUT LATELY I CAN'T HELP
THINKING ♪
♪ I REAP WHAT I SOW ♪

THINKING ♪
♪ I REAP WHAT I SOW ♪
♪ FOR ALL OF MY HOLY FREEDOM ♪

♪ I REAP WHAT I SOW ♪
♪ FOR ALL OF MY HOLY FREEDOM ♪
♪ WHAT HAVE I GOT TO SHOW? ♪

♪ FOR ALL OF MY HOLY FREEDOM ♪
♪ WHAT HAVE I GOT TO SHOW? ♪
♪ I DON'T KNOW ♪

♪ WHAT HAVE I GOT TO SHOW? ♪
♪ I DON'T KNOW ♪
♪ THESE ARE HARD TIMES FOR

♪ I DON'T KNOW ♪
♪ THESE ARE HARD TIMES FOR
LOVERS ♪

♪ THESE ARE HARD TIMES FOR
LOVERS ♪
♪ EVERYONE WANTS TO BE FREE ♪

LOVERS ♪
♪ EVERYONE WANTS TO BE FREE ♪
♪ AIN'T THESE HARD TIMES FOR

♪ EVERYONE WANTS TO BE FREE ♪
♪ AIN'T THESE HARD TIMES FOR
LOVERS? ♪

♪ AIN'T THESE HARD TIMES FOR
LOVERS? ♪
♪ EVERYONE SINGING, "I GOTTA BE

LOVERS? ♪
♪ EVERYONE SINGING, "I GOTTA BE
ME WITHOUT YOU" ♪

♪ BUT LATELY I CAN'T HELP
THINKING ♪
♪ I REAP WHAT I SOW ♪

THINKING ♪
♪ I REAP WHAT I SOW ♪
♪ FOR ALL OF MY HOLY FREEDOM ♪

♪ I REAP WHAT I SOW ♪
♪ FOR ALL OF MY HOLY FREEDOM ♪
♪ WHAT HAVE I GOT TO SHOW? ♪

♪ FOR ALL OF MY HOLY FREEDOM ♪
♪ WHAT HAVE I GOT TO SHOW? ♪
♪ I DON'T KNOW ♪

♪ WHAT HAVE I GOT TO SHOW? ♪
♪ I DON'T KNOW ♪
♪ THESE ARE HARD TIMES FOR

♪ I DON'T KNOW ♪
♪ THESE ARE HARD TIMES FOR
LOVERS ♪

♪ THESE ARE HARD TIMES FOR
LOVERS ♪
♪ EVERYONE WANTS TO BE FREE ♪

LOVERS ♪
♪ EVERYONE WANTS TO BE FREE ♪
♪ AIN'T THESE HARD TIMES FOR

♪ EVERYONE WANTS TO BE FREE ♪
♪ AIN'T THESE HARD TIMES FOR
LOVERS? ♪

♪ AIN'T THESE HARD TIMES FOR
LOVERS? ♪
♪ EVERYONE SINGING, "I GOTTA BE

LOVERS? ♪
♪ EVERYONE SINGING, "I GOTTA BE
ME WITHOUT YOU" ♪

♪ EVERYONE SINGING, "I GOTTA BE
ME WITHOUT YOU" ♪
♪ AIN'T THESE HARD TIMES FOR

ME WITHOUT YOU" ♪
♪ AIN'T THESE HARD TIMES FOR
LOVERS? ♪

♪ AIN'T THESE HARD TIMES FOR
LOVERS? ♪
♪ EVERYONE WANTS TO BE FREE ♪

LOVERS? ♪
♪ EVERYONE WANTS TO BE FREE ♪
♪ AIN'T THESE HARD TIMES FOR

♪ EVERYONE WANTS TO BE FREE ♪
♪ AIN'T THESE HARD TIMES FOR
LOVERS? ♪

♪ AIN'T THESE HARD TIMES FOR
LOVERS? ♪
♪ EVERYONE SINGING, "I GOTTA BE

LOVERS? ♪
♪ EVERYONE SINGING, "I GOTTA BE
ME WITHOUT YOU" ♪

♪ EVERYONE SINGING, "I GOTTA BE
ME WITHOUT YOU" ♪
[MUSIC ENDS, CHEERS AND

ME WITHOUT YOU" ♪
[MUSIC ENDS, CHEERS AND
APPLAUSE]

I'D LIKE TO STEP OUT OF
CHARACTER FOR A MOMENT AND SPEAK
TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING IMPORTANT

CHARACTER FOR A MOMENT AND SPEAK
TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING IMPORTANT
TO ALL OF US.

TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING IMPORTANT
TO ALL OF US.
NOW, IT'S NO SURPRISE TO ANYONE

TO ALL OF US.
NOW, IT'S NO SURPRISE TO ANYONE
THAT LIFE, AT BEST, IS SHORT

NOW, IT'S NO SURPRISE TO ANYONE
THAT LIFE, AT BEST, IS SHORT
WITH ITS FEW FLEETING MOMENTS OF

THAT LIFE, AT BEST, IS SHORT
WITH ITS FEW FLEETING MOMENTS OF
HAPPINESS.

WITH ITS FEW FLEETING MOMENTS OF
HAPPINESS.
AND WE SAVOR THOSE MOMENTS AND

HAPPINESS.
AND WE SAVOR THOSE MOMENTS AND
SQUEEZE THEM FROM ALL THE JOY

AND WE SAVOR THOSE MOMENTS AND
SQUEEZE THEM FROM ALL THE JOY
THEY HOLD.

SQUEEZE THEM FROM ALL THE JOY
THEY HOLD.
BUT THEY TAKE CARE OF

THEY HOLD.
BUT THEY TAKE CARE OF
THEMSELVES.

BUT THEY TAKE CARE OF
THEMSELVES.
NOW, I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT

THEMSELVES.
NOW, I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT
OTHER MOMENTS...

NOW, I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT
OTHER MOMENTS...
JOYLESS MOMENTS...

OTHER MOMENTS...
JOYLESS MOMENTS...
MOMENTS FILLED WITH

JOYLESS MOMENTS...
MOMENTS FILLED WITH
UNPLEASANTNESS AND ANXIETY.

MOMENTS FILLED WITH
UNPLEASANTNESS AND ANXIETY.
NOW, THERE'S AN ALARMING AMOUNT

UNPLEASANTNESS AND ANXIETY.
NOW, THERE'S AN ALARMING AMOUNT
OF DEPRESSION IN THIS COUNTRY,

NOW, THERE'S AN ALARMING AMOUNT
OF DEPRESSION IN THIS COUNTRY,
WHICH IS OFTEN PRECEDED BY AN

OF DEPRESSION IN THIS COUNTRY,
WHICH IS OFTEN PRECEDED BY AN
ALARMING AMOUNT OF BAD NEWS.

WHICH IS OFTEN PRECEDED BY AN
ALARMING AMOUNT OF BAD NEWS.
WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT IT?

ALARMING AMOUNT OF BAD NEWS.
WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT IT?
HOW DO WE HANDLE IT?

WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT IT?
HOW DO WE HANDLE IT?
WELL, BEING THE BEARER OF BAD

HOW DO WE HANDLE IT?
WELL, BEING THE BEARER OF BAD
TIDINGS HAS NEVER BEEN EASY.

WELL, BEING THE BEARER OF BAD
TIDINGS HAS NEVER BEEN EASY.
BUT NOW THERE IS SOMETHING...

TIDINGS HAS NEVER BEEN EASY.
BUT NOW THERE IS SOMETHING...
HELIUM.

BUT NOW THERE IS SOMETHING...
HELIUM.
THAT'S RIGHT...

HELIUM.
THAT'S RIGHT...
HELIUM.

THAT'S RIGHT...
HELIUM.
IF YOU HAVE SOME BAD NEWS TO

HELIUM.
IF YOU HAVE SOME BAD NEWS TO
TELL SOMEONE, TAKE A MOUTHFUL OF

IF YOU HAVE SOME BAD NEWS TO
TELL SOMEONE, TAKE A MOUTHFUL OF
HELIUM FIRST.

TELL SOMEONE, TAKE A MOUTHFUL OF
HELIUM FIRST.
IT MAKES YOUR VOICE SOUND SILLY,

HELIUM FIRST.
IT MAKES YOUR VOICE SOUND SILLY,
AND THE BAD NEWS JUST DOESN'T

IT MAKES YOUR VOICE SOUND SILLY,
AND THE BAD NEWS JUST DOESN'T
SEEM SO BAD.

AND THE BAD NEWS JUST DOESN'T
SEEM SO BAD.
[INHALES DEEPLY]

SEEM SO BAD.
[INHALES DEEPLY]
[High-pitched voice]

[INHALES DEEPLY]
[High-pitched voice]
SWEETHEART, I JUST LOST THE

[High-pitched voice]
SWEETHEART, I JUST LOST THE
HOUSE AND OUR LIFE SAVINGS IN A

SWEETHEART, I JUST LOST THE
HOUSE AND OUR LIFE SAVINGS IN A
CARD GAME.

HOUSE AND OUR LIFE SAVINGS IN A
CARD GAME.
[Normal voice] NOW, IT MAY NOT

CARD GAME.
[Normal voice] NOW, IT MAY NOT
MAKE WHAT WE SAY ANY EASIER TO

[Normal voice] NOW, IT MAY NOT
MAKE WHAT WE SAY ANY EASIER TO
HANDLE, BUT IT CERTAINLY GETS

MAKE WHAT WE SAY ANY EASIER TO
HANDLE, BUT IT CERTAINLY GETS
RID OF THOSE DRAMATIC SOMBER

HANDLE, BUT IT CERTAINLY GETS
RID OF THOSE DRAMATIC SOMBER
TONES WE ALL SPEAK IN TIMES OF

RID OF THOSE DRAMATIC SOMBER
TONES WE ALL SPEAK IN TIMES OF
IMPENDING DOOM.

TONES WE ALL SPEAK IN TIMES OF
IMPENDING DOOM.
SO, NEXT TIME SAY IT WITH

IMPENDING DOOM.
SO, NEXT TIME SAY IT WITH
HELIUM...

SO, NEXT TIME SAY IT WITH
HELIUM...
AND TELL THEM...

HELIUM...
AND TELL THEM...
[INHALES DEEPLY]

AND TELL THEM...
[INHALES DEEPLY]
[High-pitched voice]

[INHALES DEEPLY]
[High-pitched voice]
RICK NELSON MADE YOU DO IT.

[High-pitched voice]
RICK NELSON MADE YOU DO IT.
Announcer: BROUGHT TO YOU BY

RICK NELSON MADE YOU DO IT.
Announcer: BROUGHT TO YOU BY
THE HELIUM MANUFACTURERS OF

Announcer: BROUGHT TO YOU BY
THE HELIUM MANUFACTURERS OF
AMERICA.

THE HELIUM MANUFACTURERS OF
AMERICA.
WE WANT EVERYONE TO LIGHTEN UP.

SO, MERRILL OSMOND SANG A
SONG BY HIMSELF.
AND THEN MARIE SANG A SONG WITH

SONG BY HIMSELF.
AND THEN MARIE SANG A SONG WITH
JIMMY.

AND THEN MARIE SANG A SONG WITH
JIMMY.
THAT WAS REALLY GOOD.

JIMMY.
THAT WAS REALLY GOOD.
I WISH THEY'D LET JIMMY SING

THAT WAS REALLY GOOD.
I WISH THEY'D LET JIMMY SING
WITH MARIE MORE OFTEN INSTEAD OF

I WISH THEY'D LET JIMMY SING
WITH MARIE MORE OFTEN INSTEAD OF
ALWAYS WITH DONNY.

WITH MARIE MORE OFTEN INSTEAD OF
ALWAYS WITH DONNY.
I MEAN, THAT WAS REALLY THE BEST

ALWAYS WITH DONNY.
I MEAN, THAT WAS REALLY THE BEST
PART, I THOUGHT.

I MEAN, THAT WAS REALLY THE BEST
PART, I THOUGHT.
I DIDN'T SEE IT.

PART, I THOUGHT.
I DIDN'T SEE IT.
I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT I WAS

I DIDN'T SEE IT.
I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT I WAS
WATCHING.

I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT I WAS
WATCHING.
WELL, I THINK JIMMY WILL BE

WATCHING.
WELL, I THINK JIMMY WILL BE
THE MOST FAMOUS OF ALL OF THEM.

WELL, I THINK JIMMY WILL BE
THE MOST FAMOUS OF ALL OF THEM.
THAT'S MY PREDICTION.

THE MOST FAMOUS OF ALL OF THEM.
THAT'S MY PREDICTION.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]

D&R MEN'S STYLISTS.
OH, HI, MR. PAYJACK.
TUESDAY AFTERNOON AROUND 2:00?

OH, HI, MR. PAYJACK.
TUESDAY AFTERNOON AROUND 2:00?
JUST A MINUTE.

TUESDAY AFTERNOON AROUND 2:00?
JUST A MINUTE.
I'LL CHECK.

JUST A MINUTE.
I'LL CHECK.
TELL HIM WE HAVE AN

I'LL CHECK.
TELL HIM WE HAVE AN
APPOINTMENT OPEN AROUND 2:30.

TELL HIM WE HAVE AN
APPOINTMENT OPEN AROUND 2:30.
WE HAVE AN OPENING AT 2:30.

APPOINTMENT OPEN AROUND 2:30.
WE HAVE AN OPENING AT 2:30.
WILL THAT BE OKAY?

WE HAVE AN OPENING AT 2:30.
WILL THAT BE OKAY?
OKAY.

WILL THAT BE OKAY?
OKAY.
I'M SORRY I WON'T BE HERE.

OKAY.
I'M SORRY I WON'T BE HERE.
WELL, I GOT A JOB, YOU KNOW, AT

I'M SORRY I WON'T BE HERE.
WELL, I GOT A JOB, YOU KNOW, AT
THAT NEW HAIR STYLIST OVER AT

WELL, I GOT A JOB, YOU KNOW, AT
THAT NEW HAIR STYLIST OVER AT
THE NEW MALL.

THAT NEW HAIR STYLIST OVER AT
THE NEW MALL.
YEAH, YOU KNOW THE ONE WITH THE

THE NEW MALL.
YEAH, YOU KNOW THE ONE WITH THE
WATERFALL, RIGHT?

YEAH, YOU KNOW THE ONE WITH THE
WATERFALL, RIGHT?
YEAH, IT SHOULD BE FUN.

WATERFALL, RIGHT?
YEAH, IT SHOULD BE FUN.
ARE YOU SURE?

YEAH, IT SHOULD BE FUN.
ARE YOU SURE?
OKAY, I'LL SEE YOU THERE.

ARE YOU SURE?
OKAY, I'LL SEE YOU THERE.
UH, HE DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT

OKAY, I'LL SEE YOU THERE.
UH, HE DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT
TUESDAY.

UH, HE DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT
TUESDAY.
HE'S GONNA HAVE TO CHECK HIS

TUESDAY.
HE'S GONNA HAVE TO CHECK HIS
SCHEDULE.

HE'S GONNA HAVE TO CHECK HIS
SCHEDULE.
[SIGHS]

SCHEDULE.
[SIGHS]
GLORIA, SINCE TODAY IS YOUR LAST

[SIGHS]
GLORIA, SINCE TODAY IS YOUR LAST
DAY, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THE REST

GLORIA, SINCE TODAY IS YOUR LAST
DAY, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THE REST
OF THE AFTERNOON OFF?

DAY, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THE REST
OF THE AFTERNOON OFF?
OH, REALLY?

OF THE AFTERNOON OFF?
OH, REALLY?
OH, THANKS.

OH, REALLY?
OH, THANKS.
YEAH, I DON'T THINK ANYBODY

OH, THANKS.
YEAH, I DON'T THINK ANYBODY
WILL BE WANTING A MANICURE

YEAH, I DON'T THINK ANYBODY
WILL BE WANTING A MANICURE
ANYWAY.

WILL BE WANTING A MANICURE
ANYWAY.
WELL, I...

ANYWAY.
WELL, I...
I GUESS I'LL GET GOING THEN.

WELL, I...
I GUESS I'LL GET GOING THEN.
UH...

I GUESS I'LL GET GOING THEN.
UH...
I'M REALLY SORRY I HAD TO QUIT.

UH...
I'M REALLY SORRY I HAD TO QUIT.
I HOPE THERE'S NO HARD FEELINGS.

I'M REALLY SORRY I HAD TO QUIT.
I HOPE THERE'S NO HARD FEELINGS.
NO, THAT'S OKAY.

I HOPE THERE'S NO HARD FEELINGS.
NO, THAT'S OKAY.
HEY, WHEN OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS.

NO, THAT'S OKAY.
HEY, WHEN OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS.
[CHUCKLES]

HEY, WHEN OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS.
[CHUCKLES]
WELL... GOODBYE.

[CHUCKLES]
WELL... GOODBYE.
TAKE CARE.

WELL... GOODBYE.
TAKE CARE.
IDIOT.

[SIGHS]
HEY, RON... DENNY.
HEY, FLOYD.

HEY, RON... DENNY.
HEY, FLOYD.
HEY, FLOYD.

HEY, FLOYD.
HEY, FLOYD.
YOU'RE JUST ON TIME.

HEY, FLOYD.
YOU'RE JUST ON TIME.
WELL, I DON'T THINK I NEED TO

YOU'RE JUST ON TIME.
WELL, I DON'T THINK I NEED TO
GET IT WASHED TODAY, DENNY.

WELL, I DON'T THINK I NEED TO
GET IT WASHED TODAY, DENNY.
JUST DID IT MYSELF THIS MORNING.

GET IT WASHED TODAY, DENNY.
JUST DID IT MYSELF THIS MORNING.
JUST GIVE ME A LITTLE TRIM, WILL

JUST DID IT MYSELF THIS MORNING.
JUST GIVE ME A LITTLE TRIM, WILL
YOU?

JUST GIVE ME A LITTLE TRIM, WILL
YOU?
HEY, HOW'S BUSINESS AT YOUR

YOU?
HEY, HOW'S BUSINESS AT YOUR
PLACE, FLOYD?

HEY, HOW'S BUSINESS AT YOUR
PLACE, FLOYD?
ANY BETTER?

PLACE, FLOYD?
ANY BETTER?
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

ANY BETTER?
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
I'VE ONLY SOLD THREE SUITS ALL

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
I'VE ONLY SOLD THREE SUITS ALL
MONTH.

I'VE ONLY SOLD THREE SUITS ALL
MONTH.
PHEW!

MONTH.
PHEW!
OH, THAT'S TOO BAD, FLOYD.

PHEW!
OH, THAT'S TOO BAD, FLOYD.
YEAH, I REALLY THOUGHT

OH, THAT'S TOO BAD, FLOYD.
YEAH, I REALLY THOUGHT
VALENTINE'S DAY WOULD GENERATE A

YEAH, I REALLY THOUGHT
VALENTINE'S DAY WOULD GENERATE A
LITTLE MORE BUSINESS THAN IT

VALENTINE'S DAY WOULD GENERATE A
LITTLE MORE BUSINESS THAN IT
DID.

LITTLE MORE BUSINESS THAN IT
DID.
IT'S ONLY A FEW MONTHS TILL

DID.
IT'S ONLY A FEW MONTHS TILL
EASTER, RIGHT?

IT'S ONLY A FEW MONTHS TILL
EASTER, RIGHT?
YOU KNOW, FRANK FROM NATIONAL

EASTER, RIGHT?
YOU KNOW, FRANK FROM NATIONAL
SHOES WAS IN HERE THE OTHER DAY.

YOU KNOW, FRANK FROM NATIONAL
SHOES WAS IN HERE THE OTHER DAY.
MM-HMM.

SHOES WAS IN HERE THE OTHER DAY.
MM-HMM.
AND HE SAID THERE'S NOT

MM-HMM.
AND HE SAID THERE'S NOT
ENOUGH PARKING AT THE NEW MALL.

AND HE SAID THERE'S NOT
ENOUGH PARKING AT THE NEW MALL.
[SIGHS]

ENOUGH PARKING AT THE NEW MALL.
[SIGHS]
CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?

[SIGHS]
CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?
IT'S BRAND-NEW, AND ALREADY

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?
IT'S BRAND-NEW, AND ALREADY
THERE'S NOT ENOUGH PARKING.

IT'S BRAND-NEW, AND ALREADY
THERE'S NOT ENOUGH PARKING.
YEAH, WE FIGURE AS SOON AS

THERE'S NOT ENOUGH PARKING.
YEAH, WE FIGURE AS SOON AS
PEOPLE GET TIRED OF HAVING TO

YEAH, WE FIGURE AS SOON AS
PEOPLE GET TIRED OF HAVING TO
HUNT FOR PARKING SPACES, THEY'LL

PEOPLE GET TIRED OF HAVING TO
HUNT FOR PARKING SPACES, THEY'LL
BE COMING BACK HERE.

HUNT FOR PARKING SPACES, THEY'LL
BE COMING BACK HERE.
WELL, YOU GUYS ARE STILL

BE COMING BACK HERE.
WELL, YOU GUYS ARE STILL
DOING ALL RIGHT, THOUGH.

WELL, YOU GUYS ARE STILL
DOING ALL RIGHT, THOUGH.
AREN'T YOU?

DOING ALL RIGHT, THOUGH.
AREN'T YOU?
WELL, WE STILL GOT OUR

AREN'T YOU?
WELL, WE STILL GOT OUR
HOSPITAL BUSINESS.

WELL, WE STILL GOT OUR
HOSPITAL BUSINESS.
IF WE DIDN'T HAVE THAT, WE'D BE

HOSPITAL BUSINESS.
IF WE DIDN'T HAVE THAT, WE'D BE
IN BAD SHAPE.

IF WE DIDN'T HAVE THAT, WE'D BE
IN BAD SHAPE.
IS IT HARD TO CUT SOMEONE'S

IN BAD SHAPE.
IS IT HARD TO CUT SOMEONE'S
HAIR WHEN THEY'RE IN BED?

IS IT HARD TO CUT SOMEONE'S
HAIR WHEN THEY'RE IN BED?
I'D THINK IT WOULD BE REALLY

HAIR WHEN THEY'RE IN BED?
I'D THINK IT WOULD BE REALLY
HARD.

I'D THINK IT WOULD BE REALLY
HARD.
NO, NOT REALLY, BECAUSE THEY

HARD.
NO, NOT REALLY, BECAUSE THEY
MOSTLY WANT TRIMS.

NO, NOT REALLY, BECAUSE THEY
MOSTLY WANT TRIMS.
I REMEMBER ONCE I WAS GIVING

MOSTLY WANT TRIMS.
I REMEMBER ONCE I WAS GIVING
A GUY IN THE HOSPITAL A HAIRCUT,

I REMEMBER ONCE I WAS GIVING
A GUY IN THE HOSPITAL A HAIRCUT,
AND HE DIED RIGHT WHEN I

A GUY IN THE HOSPITAL A HAIRCUT,
AND HE DIED RIGHT WHEN I
FINISHED.

AND HE DIED RIGHT WHEN I
FINISHED.
HIS HEAD SLUMPED FORWARD, YOU

FINISHED.
HIS HEAD SLUMPED FORWARD, YOU
KNOW, AND I THOUGHT HE WANTED ME

HIS HEAD SLUMPED FORWARD, YOU
KNOW, AND I THOUGHT HE WANTED ME
TO TRIM MORE OFF THE BACK.

KNOW, AND I THOUGHT HE WANTED ME
TO TRIM MORE OFF THE BACK.
I'M GOING, CHOPPING LIKE A

TO TRIM MORE OFF THE BACK.
I'M GOING, CHOPPING LIKE A
YOU-KNOW-WHAT AT THE BACK OF

I'M GOING, CHOPPING LIKE A
YOU-KNOW-WHAT AT THE BACK OF
THIS GUY'S NECK.

YOU-KNOW-WHAT AT THE BACK OF
THIS GUY'S NECK.
AND THE GUY IN THE NEXT BED SAYS

THIS GUY'S NECK.
AND THE GUY IN THE NEXT BED SAYS
TO ME, "HEY, I THINK HE'S JUST

AND THE GUY IN THE NEXT BED SAYS
TO ME, "HEY, I THINK HE'S JUST
TAKEN HIS LAST HAIRCUT."

TO ME, "HEY, I THINK HE'S JUST
TAKEN HIS LAST HAIRCUT."
THAT'S HOW I FOUND OUT HE WAS

TAKEN HIS LAST HAIRCUT."
THAT'S HOW I FOUND OUT HE WAS
DEAD.

THAT'S HOW I FOUND OUT HE WAS
DEAD.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]

D&R MEN'S HAIR STYLISTS.
YES, YOU DO.
THAT WAS HIM AGAIN.

YES, YOU DO.
THAT WAS HIM AGAIN.
WHO WAS THAT?

THAT WAS HIM AGAIN.
WHO WAS THAT?
OH, SOME KID KEEPS CALLING

WHO WAS THAT?
OH, SOME KID KEEPS CALLING
HERE AND ASKING IF YOU HAVE TO

OH, SOME KID KEEPS CALLING
HERE AND ASKING IF YOU HAVE TO
HAVE AN APPOINTMENT TO GET A

HERE AND ASKING IF YOU HAVE TO
HAVE AN APPOINTMENT TO GET A
HAIRCUT.

HAVE AN APPOINTMENT TO GET A
HAIRCUT.
AND WHEN YOU SAY YEAH, HE STARTS

HAIRCUT.
AND WHEN YOU SAY YEAH, HE STARTS
LAUGHING.

AND WHEN YOU SAY YEAH, HE STARTS
LAUGHING.
I DON'T KNOW.

LAUGHING.
I DON'T KNOW.
HE MUST THINK IT'S FUNNY OR

I DON'T KNOW.
HE MUST THINK IT'S FUNNY OR
SOMETHING.

HE MUST THINK IT'S FUNNY OR
SOMETHING.
WHAT'S FUNNY ABOUT HAVING TO

SOMETHING.
WHAT'S FUNNY ABOUT HAVING TO
MAKE AN APPOINTMENT TO GET A

WHAT'S FUNNY ABOUT HAVING TO
MAKE AN APPOINTMENT TO GET A
HAIRCUT?

MAKE AN APPOINTMENT TO GET A
HAIRCUT?
AM I MISSING SOMETHING, OR WHAT?

HAIRCUT?
AM I MISSING SOMETHING, OR WHAT?
I DON'T SEE ANYTHING FUNNY

AM I MISSING SOMETHING, OR WHAT?
I DON'T SEE ANYTHING FUNNY
ABOUT IT, RON.

I DON'T SEE ANYTHING FUNNY
ABOUT IT, RON.
YOU KNOW, I HEARD PUPPY

ABOUT IT, RON.
YOU KNOW, I HEARD PUPPY
LAND'S MOVING OVER TO THE NEW

YOU KNOW, I HEARD PUPPY
LAND'S MOVING OVER TO THE NEW
MALL.

LAND'S MOVING OVER TO THE NEW
MALL.
THOSE ARE RUMORS.

MALL.
THOSE ARE RUMORS.
PUPPY LAND CAN'T MOVE NOW.

THOSE ARE RUMORS.
PUPPY LAND CAN'T MOVE NOW.
ALL THE PUPPIES WOULD GET SICK.

PUPPY LAND CAN'T MOVE NOW.
ALL THE PUPPIES WOULD GET SICK.
IF THEY'RE GONNA MOVE, THEY'LL

ALL THE PUPPIES WOULD GET SICK.
IF THEY'RE GONNA MOVE, THEY'LL
HAVE TO WAIT TILL SPRING.

IF THEY'RE GONNA MOVE, THEY'LL
HAVE TO WAIT TILL SPRING.
THAT'S WHAT I HEARD.

HAVE TO WAIT TILL SPRING.
THAT'S WHAT I HEARD.
I HEARD THEY PLAN TO MOVE IN THE

THAT'S WHAT I HEARD.
I HEARD THEY PLAN TO MOVE IN THE
SPRING.

I HEARD THEY PLAN TO MOVE IN THE
SPRING.
MAYBE THEY'RE GONNA MOVE IN

SPRING.
MAYBE THEY'RE GONNA MOVE IN
THE SPRING.

MAYBE THEY'RE GONNA MOVE IN
THE SPRING.
THEY CAN'T MOVE NOW.

THE SPRING.
THEY CAN'T MOVE NOW.
HI, FLOYD.

THEY CAN'T MOVE NOW.
HI, FLOYD.
I THOUGHT THAT WAS YOU.

HI, FLOYD.
I THOUGHT THAT WAS YOU.
HI, JENNY.

I THOUGHT THAT WAS YOU.
HI, JENNY.
HI, DENNY.

HI, JENNY.
HI, DENNY.
HI, RON.

HI, DENNY.
HI, RON.
HI, JENNY.

HI, RON.
HI, JENNY.
HEY, DID YOU HEAR THAT

HI, JENNY.
HEY, DID YOU HEAR THAT
FANNY FARMER IS MOVING?

HEY, DID YOU HEAR THAT
FANNY FARMER IS MOVING?
DO YOU REALIZE THAT WILL MAKE IT

FANNY FARMER IS MOVING?
DO YOU REALIZE THAT WILL MAKE IT
SIX STORES MOVING OUT THIS YEAR?

DO YOU REALIZE THAT WILL MAKE IT
SIX STORES MOVING OUT THIS YEAR?
YOU COUNTING PUPPY LAND IN

SIX STORES MOVING OUT THIS YEAR?
YOU COUNTING PUPPY LAND IN
THERE?

YOU COUNTING PUPPY LAND IN
THERE?
IS PUPPY LAND MOVING?

THERE?
IS PUPPY LAND MOVING?
I DON'T THINK PUPPY LAND'S

IS PUPPY LAND MOVING?
I DON'T THINK PUPPY LAND'S
MOVING.

I DON'T THINK PUPPY LAND'S
MOVING.
NOT UNTIL THE SPRING ANYWAY.

MOVING.
NOT UNTIL THE SPRING ANYWAY.
WELL, IF PUPPY LAND DOES

NOT UNTIL THE SPRING ANYWAY.
WELL, IF PUPPY LAND DOES
MOVE, THAT WILL MAKE IT SEVEN

WELL, IF PUPPY LAND DOES
MOVE, THAT WILL MAKE IT SEVEN
STORES MOVING THIS YEAR.

MOVE, THAT WILL MAKE IT SEVEN
STORES MOVING THIS YEAR.
HEY, HOW'S BUSINESS AT THE

STORES MOVING THIS YEAR.
HEY, HOW'S BUSINESS AT THE
SCOTCH TAPE STORE?

HEY, HOW'S BUSINESS AT THE
SCOTCH TAPE STORE?
EVERYTHING OKAY?

SCOTCH TAPE STORE?
EVERYTHING OKAY?
OH, THINGS HAVE BEEN

EVERYTHING OKAY?
OH, THINGS HAVE BEEN
TERRIFIC.

OH, THINGS HAVE BEEN
TERRIFIC.
EVERYONE NEEDS TAPE TO PUT UP

TERRIFIC.
EVERYONE NEEDS TAPE TO PUT UP
THEIR "GOING OUT OF BUSINESS"

EVERYONE NEEDS TAPE TO PUT UP
THEIR "GOING OUT OF BUSINESS"
SIGNS.

THEIR "GOING OUT OF BUSINESS"
SIGNS.
WE'VE BEEN SWAMPED.

SIGNS.
WE'VE BEEN SWAMPED.
HEY, DON'T WE NEED SOME TAPE,

WE'VE BEEN SWAMPED.
HEY, DON'T WE NEED SOME TAPE,
DENNY?

HEY, DON'T WE NEED SOME TAPE,
DENNY?
YEAH, I'LL HAVE TO DROP OVER

DENNY?
YEAH, I'LL HAVE TO DROP OVER
AND GET SOME.

YEAH, I'LL HAVE TO DROP OVER
AND GET SOME.
OH, YOU DON'T HAVE TO.

AND GET SOME.
OH, YOU DON'T HAVE TO.
I'LL SEND KEVIN OVER WITH IT.

OH, YOU DON'T HAVE TO.
I'LL SEND KEVIN OVER WITH IT.
WHAT DO YOU WANT... THE REGULAR

I'LL SEND KEVIN OVER WITH IT.
WHAT DO YOU WANT... THE REGULAR
39-CENTer OR THE ECONOMY

WHAT DO YOU WANT... THE REGULAR
39-CENTer OR THE ECONOMY
55-CENTer?

39-CENTer OR THE ECONOMY
55-CENTer?
OH, I THINK WE'LL GET THE ONE

55-CENTer?
OH, I THINK WE'LL GET THE ONE
FOR 39.

OH, I THINK WE'LL GET THE ONE
FOR 39.
OKAY.

FOR 39.
OKAY.
IF WE NEED MORE, WE CAN

OKAY.
IF WE NEED MORE, WE CAN
ALWAYS GET IT LATER.

IF WE NEED MORE, WE CAN
ALWAYS GET IT LATER.
ALL RIGHT, FINE.

ALWAYS GET IT LATER.
ALL RIGHT, FINE.
I'LL SEND IT RIGHT OVER.

ALL RIGHT, FINE.
I'LL SEND IT RIGHT OVER.
GOODBYE, FLOYD.

I'LL SEND IT RIGHT OVER.
GOODBYE, FLOYD.
SEE YOU, JENNY.

GOODBYE, FLOYD.
SEE YOU, JENNY.
SEE YOU, JENNY.

SEE YOU, JENNY.
SEE YOU, JENNY.
BYE.

SEE YOU, JENNY.
BYE.
YOU KNOW...

BYE.
YOU KNOW...
I NEVER THOUGHT THEY'D MAKE IT.

YOU KNOW...
I NEVER THOUGHT THEY'D MAKE IT.
A STORE THAT JUST SELLS SCOTCH

I NEVER THOUGHT THEY'D MAKE IT.
A STORE THAT JUST SELLS SCOTCH
TAPE?

A STORE THAT JUST SELLS SCOTCH
TAPE?
JUST GOES TO SHOW YOU.

TAPE?
JUST GOES TO SHOW YOU.
HEY, WHERE'S GLORIA?

JUST GOES TO SHOW YOU.
HEY, WHERE'S GLORIA?
UH, GLORIA QUIT, FLOYD.

HEY, WHERE'S GLORIA?
UH, GLORIA QUIT, FLOYD.
SHE GOT A JOB WITH THAT NEW

UH, GLORIA QUIT, FLOYD.
SHE GOT A JOB WITH THAT NEW
MEN'S HAIR STYLIST IN THE NEW

SHE GOT A JOB WITH THAT NEW
MEN'S HAIR STYLIST IN THE NEW
MALL.

MEN'S HAIR STYLIST IN THE NEW
MALL.
HUH.

MALL.
HUH.
I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT, GUYS.

HUH.
I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT, GUYS.
WELL, SHE WAS WORKING HERE

I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT, GUYS.
WELL, SHE WAS WORKING HERE
KIND OF FREELANCE, SO YOU CAN'T

WELL, SHE WAS WORKING HERE
KIND OF FREELANCE, SO YOU CAN'T
BLAME HER, YOU KNOW.

KIND OF FREELANCE, SO YOU CAN'T
BLAME HER, YOU KNOW.
BUSINESS HASN'T BEEN VERY GOOD,

BLAME HER, YOU KNOW.
BUSINESS HASN'T BEEN VERY GOOD,
SO...

BUSINESS HASN'T BEEN VERY GOOD,
SO...
WE CAN'T TAKE HER TO THE

SO...
WE CAN'T TAKE HER TO THE
HOSPITAL WITH US.

WE CAN'T TAKE HER TO THE
HOSPITAL WITH US.
IT DOESN'T LOOK QUITE RIGHT, YOU

HOSPITAL WITH US.
IT DOESN'T LOOK QUITE RIGHT, YOU
KNOW.

IT DOESN'T LOOK QUITE RIGHT, YOU
KNOW.
YEAH, WELL, SHE'LL PROBABLY

KNOW.
YEAH, WELL, SHE'LL PROBABLY
DO OKAY THERE.

YEAH, WELL, SHE'LL PROBABLY
DO OKAY THERE.
SHE'S A GOOD GIRL.

DO OKAY THERE.
SHE'S A GOOD GIRL.
I'LL MISS HER.

SHE'S A GOOD GIRL.
I'LL MISS HER.
ONE ROLL OF TAPE.

I'LL MISS HER.
ONE ROLL OF TAPE.
THAT WILL BE 58.

ONE ROLL OF TAPE.
THAT WILL BE 58.
NO, NO.

THAT WILL BE 58.
NO, NO.
I ORDERED THE 39-CENTer, NOT THE

NO, NO.
I ORDERED THE 39-CENTer, NOT THE
58.

I ORDERED THE 39-CENTer, NOT THE
58.
I THOUGHT YOU WANTED A

58.
I THOUGHT YOU WANTED A
58-CENTer.

I THOUGHT YOU WANTED A
58-CENTer.
NO, I WANTED THE 39-CENTer.

58-CENTer.
NO, I WANTED THE 39-CENTer.
OH, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

NO, I WANTED THE 39-CENTer.
OH, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
WELL, THAT SHOULD DO IT

OH, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
WELL, THAT SHOULD DO IT
THERE, DEN.

WELL, THAT SHOULD DO IT
THERE, DEN.
SO, REMEMBER, GUYS, WHATEVER

THERE, DEN.
SO, REMEMBER, GUYS, WHATEVER
HAPPENS, NEVER QUIT.

SO, REMEMBER, GUYS, WHATEVER
HAPPENS, NEVER QUIT.
WANT TO WIN THE GAME?

HAPPENS, NEVER QUIT.
WANT TO WIN THE GAME?
NEVER QUIT.

WANT TO WIN THE GAME?
NEVER QUIT.
A MALL'S A LOT LIKE A FOOTBALL

NEVER QUIT.
A MALL'S A LOT LIKE A FOOTBALL
TEAM.

A MALL'S A LOT LIKE A FOOTBALL
TEAM.
IF YOU GOT FAITH IN IT, IT WILL

TEAM.
IF YOU GOT FAITH IN IT, IT WILL
ALWAYS COME BACK.

IF YOU GOT FAITH IN IT, IT WILL
ALWAYS COME BACK.
THAT'S RIGHT.

ALWAYS COME BACK.
THAT'S RIGHT.
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, FLOYD.

THAT'S RIGHT.
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, FLOYD.
UH...

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, FLOYD.
UH...
[SIGHS]

UH...
[SIGHS]
LOOK, UH, DENNY, I MIGHT HAVE TO

[SIGHS]
LOOK, UH, DENNY, I MIGHT HAVE TO
GET THIS NEXT WEEK.

LOOK, UH, DENNY, I MIGHT HAVE TO
GET THIS NEXT WEEK.
OH, THAT'S OKAY, FLOYD.

GET THIS NEXT WEEK.
OH, THAT'S OKAY, FLOYD.
ALL RIGHT.

OH, THAT'S OKAY, FLOYD.
ALL RIGHT.
HEY, SEE YOU LATER, GUYS.

ALL RIGHT.
HEY, SEE YOU LATER, GUYS.
TAKE CARE.

HEY, SEE YOU LATER, GUYS.
TAKE CARE.
HI, KEVIN.

TAKE CARE.
HI, KEVIN.
HI.

HI, KEVIN.
HI.
OKAY.

HI.
OKAY.
HERE'S YOUR 39-CENTer.

OKAY.
HERE'S YOUR 39-CENTer.
THAT'S 42 WITH TAX.

HERE'S YOUR 39-CENTer.
THAT'S 42 WITH TAX.
KEVIN, I DON'T HAVE MUCH

THAT'S 42 WITH TAX.
KEVIN, I DON'T HAVE MUCH
CHANGE RIGHT NOW.

KEVIN, I DON'T HAVE MUCH
CHANGE RIGHT NOW.
WOULD YOU MIND PUTTING THAT ON

CHANGE RIGHT NOW.
WOULD YOU MIND PUTTING THAT ON
OUR BILL?

WOULD YOU MIND PUTTING THAT ON
OUR BILL?
OKAY.

OUR BILL?
OKAY.
THAT'S SIX ROLLS YOU OWE US NOW.

OKAY.
THAT'S SIX ROLLS YOU OWE US NOW.
SAY, KEVIN, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE

THAT'S SIX ROLLS YOU OWE US NOW.
SAY, KEVIN, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE
GETTING A LITTLE SHAGGY ON ONE

SAY, KEVIN, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE
GETTING A LITTLE SHAGGY ON ONE
SIDE THERE.

GETTING A LITTLE SHAGGY ON ONE
SIDE THERE.
WHY DON'T YOU LET US BALANCE IT

SIDE THERE.
WHY DON'T YOU LET US BALANCE IT
OUT FOR YOU?

WHY DON'T YOU LET US BALANCE IT
OUT FOR YOU?
NAH, MY MOM CUTS MY HAIR

OUT FOR YOU?
NAH, MY MOM CUTS MY HAIR
BETTER THAN YOU COULD ANY DAY.

NAH, MY MOM CUTS MY HAIR
BETTER THAN YOU COULD ANY DAY.
BESIDES, YOU DON'T HAVE TO MAKE

BETTER THAN YOU COULD ANY DAY.
BESIDES, YOU DON'T HAVE TO MAKE
ANY APPOINTMENT.

BESIDES, YOU DON'T HAVE TO MAKE
ANY APPOINTMENT.
[SNICKERS]

TAKE A LITTLE OFF THE SIDES,
BUT NOT AS MUCH, HUH?
I GOT A DATE.

BUT NOT AS MUCH, HUH?
I GOT A DATE.
I WANT IT TO BLOW IN THE WIND.

[CLOCK CHIMES]
[UP-TEMPO JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS]
PABLO PICASSO, PERHAPS THE

[UP-TEMPO JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS]
PABLO PICASSO, PERHAPS THE
WORLD'S MOST FAMOUS ARTIST,

PABLO PICASSO, PERHAPS THE
WORLD'S MOST FAMOUS ARTIST,
LIVED MUCH OF HIS LIFE IN

WORLD'S MOST FAMOUS ARTIST,
LIVED MUCH OF HIS LIFE IN
FRANCE.

LIVED MUCH OF HIS LIFE IN
FRANCE.
BUT WHAT PEOPLE DON'T KNOW IS

FRANCE.
BUT WHAT PEOPLE DON'T KNOW IS
THAT HE SPENT NINE YEARS

BUT WHAT PEOPLE DON'T KNOW IS
THAT HE SPENT NINE YEARS
PAINTING, LAUGHING, AND LOVING

THAT HE SPENT NINE YEARS
PAINTING, LAUGHING, AND LOVING
RIGHT HERE IN AMERICA IN

PAINTING, LAUGHING, AND LOVING
RIGHT HERE IN AMERICA IN
NEW YORK CITY'S LOWER EAST SIDE.

RIGHT HERE IN AMERICA IN
NEW YORK CITY'S LOWER EAST SIDE.
HE LIVED UP THERE ON ABOUT THE

NEW YORK CITY'S LOWER EAST SIDE.
HE LIVED UP THERE ON ABOUT THE
SECOND FLOOR IN A

HE LIVED UP THERE ON ABOUT THE
SECOND FLOOR IN A
SMALL-BUT-COMFORTABLE APARTMENT

SECOND FLOOR IN A
SMALL-BUT-COMFORTABLE APARTMENT
BUILDING, PAINTING DAY AND

SMALL-BUT-COMFORTABLE APARTMENT
BUILDING, PAINTING DAY AND
NIGHT.

BUILDING, PAINTING DAY AND
NIGHT.
PEOPLE STILL IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD

NIGHT.
PEOPLE STILL IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
REMEMBER AND LOVED THE SWARTHY

PEOPLE STILL IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
REMEMBER AND LOVED THE SWARTHY
SPANISH ARTIST WHO MADE NEW YORK

REMEMBER AND LOVED THE SWARTHY
SPANISH ARTIST WHO MADE NEW YORK
HIS HOME.

SPANISH ARTIST WHO MADE NEW YORK
HIS HOME.
A FEW STEPS AWAY, WHITESMAN'S

HIS HOME.
A FEW STEPS AWAY, WHITESMAN'S
DELICATESSEN... A GATHERING

A FEW STEPS AWAY, WHITESMAN'S
DELICATESSEN... A GATHERING
PLACE FOR ARTISTS AND WRITERS

DELICATESSEN... A GATHERING
PLACE FOR ARTISTS AND WRITERS
WHERE PICASSO ATE MANY A MEAL.

PLACE FOR ARTISTS AND WRITERS
WHERE PICASSO ATE MANY A MEAL.
PICASSO LIKED A WHITESMAN'S

WHERE PICASSO ATE MANY A MEAL.
PICASSO LIKED A WHITESMAN'S
BOY SPECIAL SANDWICH

PICASSO LIKED A WHITESMAN'S
BOY SPECIAL SANDWICH
TRIPLE-DECKER ALL THE TIME.

BOY SPECIAL SANDWICH
TRIPLE-DECKER ALL THE TIME.
I KNEW IT, BUT I DIDN'T KNOW

TRIPLE-DECKER ALL THE TIME.
I KNEW IT, BUT I DIDN'T KNOW
HIM PERSONALLY.

I KNEW IT, BUT I DIDN'T KNOW
HIM PERSONALLY.
HE SAT OVER THERE, AND HE USED

HIM PERSONALLY.
HE SAT OVER THERE, AND HE USED
TO DOODLE ON THE FORMICA.

HE SAT OVER THERE, AND HE USED
TO DOODLE ON THE FORMICA.
BUT, OF COURSE, YOU KNOW,

TO DOODLE ON THE FORMICA.
BUT, OF COURSE, YOU KNOW,
FORMICA DOESN'T SHOW UP TOO

BUT, OF COURSE, YOU KNOW,
FORMICA DOESN'T SHOW UP TOO
WELL.

FORMICA DOESN'T SHOW UP TOO
WELL.
HE WAS A VERY HANDSOME MAN.

WELL.
HE WAS A VERY HANDSOME MAN.
HE HAD DARK HAIR.

HE WAS A VERY HANDSOME MAN.
HE HAD DARK HAIR.
HE WAS STUNNING.

HE HAD DARK HAIR.
HE WAS STUNNING.
THE ATLAS BARBER SCHOOL WAS

HE WAS STUNNING.
THE ATLAS BARBER SCHOOL WAS
AN ATTEMPT BY PICASSO TO CHANGE

THE ATLAS BARBER SCHOOL WAS
AN ATTEMPT BY PICASSO TO CHANGE
THE COURSE OF HIS LIFE.

AN ATTEMPT BY PICASSO TO CHANGE
THE COURSE OF HIS LIFE.
WHEN DID PICASSO FIRST COME INTO

THE COURSE OF HIS LIFE.
WHEN DID PICASSO FIRST COME INTO
THE PLACE?

WHEN DID PICASSO FIRST COME INTO
THE PLACE?
OH, SOME TIME AGO.

THE PLACE?
OH, SOME TIME AGO.
AND WHAT DID HE WANT?

OH, SOME TIME AGO.
AND WHAT DID HE WANT?
HE WANTED TO BECOME A BARBER.

AND WHAT DID HE WANT?
HE WANTED TO BECOME A BARBER.
BUT IT DIDN'T WORK OUT.

HE WANTED TO BECOME A BARBER.
BUT IT DIDN'T WORK OUT.
HOW COME?

BUT IT DIDN'T WORK OUT.
HOW COME?
HE WAS TOO ARTISTIC.

HOW COME?
HE WAS TOO ARTISTIC.
ARE THERE ANY SHOTS OF

HE WAS TOO ARTISTIC.
ARE THERE ANY SHOTS OF
PICASSO PICTURED?

ARE THERE ANY SHOTS OF
PICASSO PICTURED?
WELL, THIS IS THE ONLY ONE.

PICASSO PICTURED?
WELL, THIS IS THE ONLY ONE.
PICASSO WAS SOMEWHERE AROUND

WELL, THIS IS THE ONLY ONE.
PICASSO WAS SOMEWHERE AROUND
HERE.

PICASSO WAS SOMEWHERE AROUND
HERE.
PICASSO WAS ALSO SOMEWHERE

HERE.
PICASSO WAS ALSO SOMEWHERE
AROUND THIS PICTURE IN THE

PICASSO WAS ALSO SOMEWHERE
AROUND THIS PICTURE IN THE
WINDOW OF PAT'S BAR.

AROUND THIS PICTURE IN THE
WINDOW OF PAT'S BAR.
PICASSO ALWAYS CAME IN HERE.

WINDOW OF PAT'S BAR.
PICASSO ALWAYS CAME IN HERE.
HE ALWAYS HAD A COUPLE OF YOUNG

PICASSO ALWAYS CAME IN HERE.
HE ALWAYS HAD A COUPLE OF YOUNG
LADIES WITH HIM.

HE ALWAYS HAD A COUPLE OF YOUNG
LADIES WITH HIM.
HIS FAVORITE DRINK WAS THE

LADIES WITH HIM.
HIS FAVORITE DRINK WAS THE
SCREWDRIVER.

HIS FAVORITE DRINK WAS THE
SCREWDRIVER.
HE WAS VERY GOOD COMPANY.

SCREWDRIVER.
HE WAS VERY GOOD COMPANY.
HE WAS ALWAYS VERY FRIENDLY,

HE WAS VERY GOOD COMPANY.
HE WAS ALWAYS VERY FRIENDLY,
TOLD A LOT OF STORIES.

HE WAS ALWAYS VERY FRIENDLY,
TOLD A LOT OF STORIES.
BUT THE WAY TO PICASSO'S

TOLD A LOT OF STORIES.
BUT THE WAY TO PICASSO'S
HEART WAS THROUGH HIS STOMACH.

BUT THE WAY TO PICASSO'S
HEART WAS THROUGH HIS STOMACH.
HE LIKED VEAL... MUCH NICE

HEART WAS THROUGH HIS STOMACH.
HE LIKED VEAL... MUCH NICE
VEAL.

HE LIKED VEAL... MUCH NICE
VEAL.
CHICKEN.

VEAL.
CHICKEN.
GROUND BEEF... FRESH...

CHICKEN.
GROUND BEEF... FRESH...
ESPECIALLY WHEN HE SAW WE GRIND

GROUND BEEF... FRESH...
ESPECIALLY WHEN HE SAW WE GRIND
RIGHT AWAY... FRESH LIKE THAT.

ESPECIALLY WHEN HE SAW WE GRIND
RIGHT AWAY... FRESH LIKE THAT.
EVERY TIME HE COME IN, HE BOUGHT

RIGHT AWAY... FRESH LIKE THAT.
EVERY TIME HE COME IN, HE BOUGHT
SOMETHING ELSE.

EVERY TIME HE COME IN, HE BOUGHT
SOMETHING ELSE.
WELL, PICASSO FINALLY LEFT

SOMETHING ELSE.
WELL, PICASSO FINALLY LEFT
NEW YORK.

WELL, PICASSO FINALLY LEFT
NEW YORK.
BUT HE LEFT THIS MASSIVE

NEW YORK.
BUT HE LEFT THIS MASSIVE
SCULPTURE AS A SYMBOL OF HIS

BUT HE LEFT THIS MASSIVE
SCULPTURE AS A SYMBOL OF HIS
LOVE FOR THE CITY ENTITLED

SCULPTURE AS A SYMBOL OF HIS
LOVE FOR THE CITY ENTITLED
SIMPLY "GOTHAM GAL WITH LEGS."

LOVE FOR THE CITY ENTITLED
SIMPLY "GOTHAM GAL WITH LEGS."
PEOPLE WILL REMEMBER PICASSO AS

SIMPLY "GOTHAM GAL WITH LEGS."
PEOPLE WILL REMEMBER PICASSO AS
A MAN WHO LOVED WINE, WOMEN, AND

PEOPLE WILL REMEMBER PICASSO AS
A MAN WHO LOVED WINE, WOMEN, AND
NICE VEAL.

[INTRO TO "DREAM LOVER" PLAYS]

♪ EVERY NIGHT I HOPE
AND PRAY ♪
♪ A DREAM LOVER WILL COME MY

AND PRAY ♪
♪ A DREAM LOVER WILL COME MY
WAY ♪

♪ A DREAM LOVER WILL COME MY
WAY ♪
♪ A GIRL TO HOLD IN MY ARMS ♪

WAY ♪
♪ A GIRL TO HOLD IN MY ARMS ♪
♪ AND FEEL THE MAGIC OF HER

♪ A GIRL TO HOLD IN MY ARMS ♪
♪ AND FEEL THE MAGIC OF HER
CHARMS ♪

♪ AND FEEL THE MAGIC OF HER
CHARMS ♪
♪ BECAUSE I WANT ♪

CHARMS ♪
♪ BECAUSE I WANT ♪
♪ SOMEONE ♪

♪ BECAUSE I WANT ♪
♪ SOMEONE ♪
♪ TO CALL MY OWN ♪

♪ SOMEONE ♪
♪ TO CALL MY OWN ♪
♪ I WANT A DREAM LOVER SO I

♪ TO CALL MY OWN ♪
♪ I WANT A DREAM LOVER SO I
DON'T HAVE TO DREAM ALONE ♪

♪ DREAM LOVER, WHERE ARE YOU ♪
♪ WITH A LOVE, OH, SO TRUE? ♪
♪ I NEED A HAND THAT I CAN

♪ WITH A LOVE, OH, SO TRUE? ♪
♪ I NEED A HAND THAT I CAN
HOLD ♪

♪ I NEED A HAND THAT I CAN
HOLD ♪
♪ TO FEEL YOU NEAR AS I GROW

HOLD ♪
♪ TO FEEL YOU NEAR AS I GROW
OLD ♪

♪ TO FEEL YOU NEAR AS I GROW
OLD ♪
♪ BECAUSE I WANT ♪

OLD ♪
♪ BECAUSE I WANT ♪
♪ SOMEONE ♪

♪ BECAUSE I WANT ♪
♪ SOMEONE ♪
♪ TO CALL MY OWN ♪

♪ SOMEONE ♪
♪ TO CALL MY OWN ♪
♪ I WANT A DREAM LOVER SO I

♪ TO CALL MY OWN ♪
♪ I WANT A DREAM LOVER SO I
DON'T HAVE TO DREAM ALONE ♪

♪ SOMEDAY, I DON'T KNOW HOW ♪
♪ I HOPE SHE'LL HEAR MY PLEA ♪
♪ SOME WAY, I DON'T KNOW HOW ♪

♪ I HOPE SHE'LL HEAR MY PLEA ♪
♪ SOME WAY, I DON'T KNOW HOW ♪
♪ SHE'LL BRING HER LOVE TO ME ♪

♪ SOME WAY, I DON'T KNOW HOW ♪
♪ SHE'LL BRING HER LOVE TO ME ♪
[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYS]

♪ DREAM LOVER, UNTIL THEN ♪
♪ I'LL GO TO SLEEP AND DREAM
AGAIN ♪

♪ I'LL GO TO SLEEP AND DREAM
AGAIN ♪
♪ THAT'S THE ONLY THING TO DO ♪

AGAIN ♪
♪ THAT'S THE ONLY THING TO DO ♪
♪ TILL ALL MY LOVER'S DREAMS

♪ THAT'S THE ONLY THING TO DO ♪
♪ TILL ALL MY LOVER'S DREAMS
COME TRUE ♪

♪ TILL ALL MY LOVER'S DREAMS
COME TRUE ♪
♪ BECAUSE I WANT ♪

COME TRUE ♪
♪ BECAUSE I WANT ♪
♪ SOMEONE ♪

♪ BECAUSE I WANT ♪
♪ SOMEONE ♪
♪ TO CALL MY OWN ♪

♪ SOMEONE ♪
♪ TO CALL MY OWN ♪
♪ I WANT A DREAM LOVER SO I

♪ TO CALL MY OWN ♪
♪ I WANT A DREAM LOVER SO I
DON'T HAVE TO DREAM ALONE ♪

♪ I WANT A DREAM LOVER SO I
DON'T HAVE TO DREAM ALONE ♪

[VOCALIZING]
♪ OOOOHHH ♪
♪ OOOOHHH ♪

♪ OOOOHHH ♪
♪ OOOOHHH ♪
♪ OOOOHHH ♪

♪ OOOOHHH ♪
♪ OOOOHHH ♪
[MUSIC ENDS, CHEERS AND

♪ OOOOHHH ♪
[MUSIC ENDS, CHEERS AND
APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU.
EVERYBODY, GOOD NIGHT.
THANK YOU.

EVERYBODY, GOOD NIGHT.
THANK YOU.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]