Saturday Night Live (1975–…): Season 4, Episode 1 - The Rolling Stones - full transcript

AND NOW FROM STUDIO 8H IN
NEW YORK'S FAMED
ROCKEFELLER CENTER, THE RED

NEW YORK'S FAMED
ROCKEFELLER CENTER, THE RED
NETWORK JOINS THE BLUE TO BRING

ROCKEFELLER CENTER, THE RED
NETWORK JOINS THE BLUE TO BRING
YOU HOWARD SHORE AND THE

NETWORK JOINS THE BLUE TO BRING
YOU HOWARD SHORE AND THE
NATIONAL BROADCASTING ORCHESTRA,

YOU HOWARD SHORE AND THE
NATIONAL BROADCASTING ORCHESTRA,
FEATURING THE VOCAL STYLINGS OF

NATIONAL BROADCASTING ORCHESTRA,
FEATURING THE VOCAL STYLINGS OF
MR. GARRETT MORRIS.

FEATURING THE VOCAL STYLINGS OF
MR. GARRETT MORRIS.
[ORCHESTRA PLAYS]

♪ ON THE NBC TONIGHT ♪
♪ YOU'LL HEAR THREE TONES RING
OUT ♪

♪ YOU'LL HEAR THREE TONES RING
OUT ♪
♪ THEY HAVE A SPECIAL MEANING ♪

OUT ♪
♪ THEY HAVE A SPECIAL MEANING ♪
♪ SO HERE'S WHAT IT'S ALL

♪ THEY HAVE A SPECIAL MEANING ♪
♪ SO HERE'S WHAT IT'S ALL
ABOUT ♪



♪ SO HERE'S WHAT IT'S ALL
ABOUT ♪
♪ I ♪

ABOUT ♪
♪ I ♪
♪ LOVE ♪

♪ I ♪
♪ LOVE ♪
♪ YOU ♪

♪ LOVE ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ THREE LITTLE TONES HAVE

♪ YOU ♪
♪ THREE LITTLE TONES HAVE
JUST HAD THEIR SAY ♪

♪ THREE LITTLE TONES HAVE
JUST HAD THEIR SAY ♪
♪ I ♪

JUST HAD THEIR SAY ♪
♪ I ♪
♪ LOVE ♪

♪ I ♪
♪ LOVE ♪
♪ YOU ♪

♪ LOVE ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ FUNNY, BUT, HONEY, THAT'S

♪ YOU ♪
♪ FUNNY, BUT, HONEY, THAT'S
WHAT THEY SAY ♪

♪ FUNNY, BUT, HONEY, THAT'S
WHAT THEY SAY ♪
♪ CHIMES HAVE RUNG ♪

WHAT THEY SAY ♪
♪ CHIMES HAVE RUNG ♪
♪ THE PROGRAM'S DONE ♪

♪ CHIMES HAVE RUNG ♪
♪ THE PROGRAM'S DONE ♪
♪ MY LOVE SONG HAS JUST

♪ THE PROGRAM'S DONE ♪
♪ MY LOVE SONG HAS JUST
BEGU-U-N ♪



♪ MY LOVE SONG HAS JUST
BEGU-U-N ♪
♪ TURN THE DIAL OF YOUR HEART ♪

BEGU-U-N ♪
♪ TURN THE DIAL OF YOUR HEART ♪
♪ TUNE IN TO MY STATION ♪

♪ TURN THE DIAL OF YOUR HEART ♪
♪ TUNE IN TO MY STATION ♪
♪ THOUGH WE MAY BE MILES APART ♪

♪ TUNE IN TO MY STATION ♪
♪ THOUGH WE MAY BE MILES APART ♪
♪ YOUR RADIO TELLS YOU I KNOW ♪

♪ THOUGH WE MAY BE MILES APART ♪
♪ YOUR RADIO TELLS YOU I KNOW ♪
♪ LISTEN, DEAR ♪

♪ YOUR RADIO TELLS YOU I KNOW ♪
♪ LISTEN, DEAR ♪
♪ CAN'T YOU HEAR? ♪

♪ LISTEN, DEAR ♪
♪ CAN'T YOU HEAR? ♪
♪ I LOVE YOU ♪

♪ TURN THE DIAL OF YOUR
HEART ♪
♪ TUNE IN TO OUR STATION ♪

HEART ♪
♪ TUNE IN TO OUR STATION ♪
♪ THOUGH WE MAY BE MILES APART ♪

♪ TUNE IN TO OUR STATION ♪
♪ THOUGH WE MAY BE MILES APART ♪
♪ YOUR RADIO TELLS YOU I

♪ THOUGH WE MAY BE MILES APART ♪
♪ YOUR RADIO TELLS YOU I
KNOW ♪

♪ YOUR RADIO TELLS YOU I
KNOW ♪
♪ LISTEN, DEAR ♪

KNOW ♪
♪ LISTEN, DEAR ♪
♪ CAN'T YOU HEAR? ♪

♪ LISTEN, DEAR ♪
♪ CAN'T YOU HEAR? ♪
♪ I LOVE YOU ♪

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AND NOW, LIVE FROM NEW YORK,
IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT"!

AND NOW, LIVE FROM NEW YORK,
IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT"!
[BAND PLAYS]

Announcer: IT'S "SATURDAY
NIGHT LIVE"...
WITH THE ROLLING STONES...

STARRING DAN AYKROYD...
JOHN BELUSHI...
JANE CURTIN...

JOHN BELUSHI...
JANE CURTIN...
GARRETT MORRIS...

JANE CURTIN...
GARRETT MORRIS...
BILL MURRAY...

GARRETT MORRIS...
BILL MURRAY...
LARAINE NEWMAN...

BILL MURRAY...
LARAINE NEWMAN...
AND GILDA RADNER.

LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, THE MAYOR
OF THE CITY OF NEW YORK,
ED KOCH!

OF THE CITY OF NEW YORK,
ED KOCH!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

HOW AM I DOING?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I'M DELIGHTED TO BE HERE TO

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I'M DELIGHTED TO BE HERE TO
WELCOME "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE"

I'M DELIGHTED TO BE HERE TO
WELCOME "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE"
BACK TO NEW YORK.

WELCOME "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE"
BACK TO NEW YORK.
THIS IS THE FOURTH SEASON, AND

BACK TO NEW YORK.
THIS IS THE FOURTH SEASON, AND
WE WANT THEM TO KNOW HOW

THIS IS THE FOURTH SEASON, AND
WE WANT THEM TO KNOW HOW
GRATEFUL WE ARE THAT THEY'RE

WE WANT THEM TO KNOW HOW
GRATEFUL WE ARE THAT THEY'RE
HERE IN THIS GREAT CITY.

GRATEFUL WE ARE THAT THEY'RE
HERE IN THIS GREAT CITY.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

HERE IN THIS GREAT CITY.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I'M ON THIS SHOW FOR, REALLY,

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I'M ON THIS SHOW FOR, REALLY,
TWO REASONS.

I'M ON THIS SHOW FOR, REALLY,
TWO REASONS.
ONE IS TO SPEAK TO THE NATION.

TWO REASONS.
ONE IS TO SPEAK TO THE NATION.
WE HERE IN NEW YORK WANT TO TELL

ONE IS TO SPEAK TO THE NATION.
WE HERE IN NEW YORK WANT TO TELL
THOSE OF YOU IN OTHER STATES HOW

WE HERE IN NEW YORK WANT TO TELL
THOSE OF YOU IN OTHER STATES HOW
MUCH WE APPRECIATE WHAT YOU DID

THOSE OF YOU IN OTHER STATES HOW
MUCH WE APPRECIATE WHAT YOU DID
FOR US WHEN WE WERE DOWN AND OUT

MUCH WE APPRECIATE WHAT YOU DID
FOR US WHEN WE WERE DOWN AND OUT
AND NEEDED YOUR HELP, AND YOU

FOR US WHEN WE WERE DOWN AND OUT
AND NEEDED YOUR HELP, AND YOU
CAME THROUGH.

AND NEEDED YOUR HELP, AND YOU
CAME THROUGH.
WE WANT TO SAY TO ALL OF THOSE

CAME THROUGH.
WE WANT TO SAY TO ALL OF THOSE
OF YOU OUT THERE, "THANKS FOR

WE WANT TO SAY TO ALL OF THOSE
OF YOU OUT THERE, "THANKS FOR
THE LOAN.

OF YOU OUT THERE, "THANKS FOR
THE LOAN.
YOU WON'T BE SORRY."

THE LOAN.
YOU WON'T BE SORRY."
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

NEW YORK CITY IS A GREAT PLACE
IN WHICH TO LIVE.
WE'RE VERY LUCKY, THOSE OF US

IN WHICH TO LIVE.
WE'RE VERY LUCKY, THOSE OF US
WHO ARE HERE, BUT THE CITY

WE'RE VERY LUCKY, THOSE OF US
WHO ARE HERE, BUT THE CITY
BELONGS TO EVERYBODY, AND WE ARE

WHO ARE HERE, BUT THE CITY
BELONGS TO EVERYBODY, AND WE ARE
GOING THROUGH A GREAT

BELONGS TO EVERYBODY, AND WE ARE
GOING THROUGH A GREAT
RENAISSANCE.

GOING THROUGH A GREAT
RENAISSANCE.
"SATURDAY NIGHT" IS ONE REASON

RENAISSANCE.
"SATURDAY NIGHT" IS ONE REASON
FOR THIS RENAISSANCE... AN

"SATURDAY NIGHT" IS ONE REASON
FOR THIS RENAISSANCE... AN
INSIGNIFICANT REASON, BUT A

FOR THIS RENAISSANCE... AN
INSIGNIFICANT REASON, BUT A
REASON NEVERTHELESS.

INSIGNIFICANT REASON, BUT A
REASON NEVERTHELESS.
[LAUGHTER]

REASON NEVERTHELESS.
[LAUGHTER]
THE PEOPLE ON THIS SHOW... THEY

[LAUGHTER]
THE PEOPLE ON THIS SHOW... THEY
COULD HAVE CHOSEN TO GO

THE PEOPLE ON THIS SHOW... THEY
COULD HAVE CHOSEN TO GO
ELSEWHERE, BUT THEY CAME HERE TO

COULD HAVE CHOSEN TO GO
ELSEWHERE, BUT THEY CAME HERE TO
NEW YORK CITY INSTEAD OF

ELSEWHERE, BUT THEY CAME HERE TO
NEW YORK CITY INSTEAD OF
PITTSBURGH, DENVER, NEWARK.

NEW YORK CITY INSTEAD OF
PITTSBURGH, DENVER, NEWARK.
SOME COULD PROBABLY EVEN GET

PITTSBURGH, DENVER, NEWARK.
SOME COULD PROBABLY EVEN GET
WORK IN HOLLYWOOD, WHICH BRINGS

SOME COULD PROBABLY EVEN GET
WORK IN HOLLYWOOD, WHICH BRINGS
ME TO THE SECOND AND MAIN REASON

WORK IN HOLLYWOOD, WHICH BRINGS
ME TO THE SECOND AND MAIN REASON
WHY I'M HERE TONIGHT, AND THAT

ME TO THE SECOND AND MAIN REASON
WHY I'M HERE TONIGHT, AND THAT
IS TO OFFICIALLY HONOR A MEMBER

WHY I'M HERE TONIGHT, AND THAT
IS TO OFFICIALLY HONOR A MEMBER
OF THE "SATURDAY NIGHT" CAST.

IS TO OFFICIALLY HONOR A MEMBER
OF THE "SATURDAY NIGHT" CAST.
HE'S APPEARED OFF BROADWAY HERE

OF THE "SATURDAY NIGHT" CAST.
HE'S APPEARED OFF BROADWAY HERE
IN NEW YORK, AND HE'S GONE ON TO

HE'S APPEARED OFF BROADWAY HERE
IN NEW YORK, AND HE'S GONE ON TO
BE ONE OF THE STARS OF THIS

IN NEW YORK, AND HE'S GONE ON TO
BE ONE OF THE STARS OF THIS
SHOW AND MOST RECENTLY

BE ONE OF THE STARS OF THIS
SHOW AND MOST RECENTLY
DISTINGUISHED HIMSELF IN THE

SHOW AND MOST RECENTLY
DISTINGUISHED HIMSELF IN THE
FIELD OF MOTION PICTURES...

DISTINGUISHED HIMSELF IN THE
FIELD OF MOTION PICTURES...
A GREAT NEW YORKER...

FIELD OF MOTION PICTURES...
A GREAT NEW YORKER...
JOHN BELUSHI.

A GREAT NEW YORKER...
JOHN BELUSHI.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

JOHN, YOUR CURRENT FILM,
"ANIMAL HOUSE," IS BREAKING
BOX-OFFICE RECORDS IN NEW YORK

"ANIMAL HOUSE," IS BREAKING
BOX-OFFICE RECORDS IN NEW YORK
AND ACROSS THE COUNTRY.

BOX-OFFICE RECORDS IN NEW YORK
AND ACROSS THE COUNTRY.
AND AS A RESIDENT OF OUR CITY,

AND ACROSS THE COUNTRY.
AND AS A RESIDENT OF OUR CITY,
YOU'VE HELPED TO MAKE IT THE

AND AS A RESIDENT OF OUR CITY,
YOU'VE HELPED TO MAKE IT THE
VITAL CREATIVE CENTER THAT IT IS

YOU'VE HELPED TO MAKE IT THE
VITAL CREATIVE CENTER THAT IT IS
NOW.

VITAL CREATIVE CENTER THAT IT IS
NOW.
AND ON BEHALF OF MYSELF AND THE

NOW.
AND ON BEHALF OF MYSELF AND THE
PEOPLE OF THE CITY OF NEW YORK,

AND ON BEHALF OF MYSELF AND THE
PEOPLE OF THE CITY OF NEW YORK,
I'D LIKE TO PRESENT YOU WITH A

PEOPLE OF THE CITY OF NEW YORK,
I'D LIKE TO PRESENT YOU WITH A
CITY OF NEW YORK CERTIFICATE OF

I'D LIKE TO PRESENT YOU WITH A
CITY OF NEW YORK CERTIFICATE OF
MERIT.

CITY OF NEW YORK CERTIFICATE OF
MERIT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

MERIT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU, MAYOR KOCH.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU, MAYOR KOCH.
UH, THIS IS A GREAT HONOR.

THANK YOU, MAYOR KOCH.
UH, THIS IS A GREAT HONOR.
IT'S, UH, A VERY NICE

UH, THIS IS A GREAT HONOR.
IT'S, UH, A VERY NICE
CERTIFICATE OF MERIT.

IT'S, UH, A VERY NICE
CERTIFICATE OF MERIT.
[LAUGHTER]

CERTIFICATE OF MERIT.
[LAUGHTER]
I COULD, UH, PUT IT ON MY WALL.

[LAUGHTER]
I COULD, UH, PUT IT ON MY WALL.
IT'LL...

I COULD, UH, PUT IT ON MY WALL.
IT'LL...
MR. MAYOR, IS THIS IT...

IT'LL...
MR. MAYOR, IS THIS IT...
THIS PIECE OF PAPER HERE?

MR. MAYOR, IS THIS IT...
THIS PIECE OF PAPER HERE?
I MEAN, ISN'T THERE A KEY TO THE

THIS PIECE OF PAPER HERE?
I MEAN, ISN'T THERE A KEY TO THE
CITY OR SOMETHING?

I MEAN, ISN'T THERE A KEY TO THE
CITY OR SOMETHING?
YOU KNOW, I MEAN, DOLLY PARTON

CITY OR SOMETHING?
YOU KNOW, I MEAN, DOLLY PARTON
GOT A KEY TO THE CITY.

YOU KNOW, I MEAN, DOLLY PARTON
GOT A KEY TO THE CITY.
JOHN, THE KEY TO THE CITY IS

GOT A KEY TO THE CITY.
JOHN, THE KEY TO THE CITY IS
A DIFFERENT KIND OF HONOR.

JOHN, THE KEY TO THE CITY IS
A DIFFERENT KIND OF HONOR.
YEAH, IT'S A BIGGER HONOR,

A DIFFERENT KIND OF HONOR.
YEAH, IT'S A BIGGER HONOR,
YOU KNOW?

YEAH, IT'S A BIGGER HONOR,
YOU KNOW?
I MEAN, UH...

YOU KNOW?
I MEAN, UH...
I LIVED HERE FOR SIX YEARS, YOU

I MEAN, UH...
I LIVED HERE FOR SIX YEARS, YOU
KNOW?

I LIVED HERE FOR SIX YEARS, YOU
KNOW?
A BLONDE WITH A RACK ROLLS IN

KNOW?
A BLONDE WITH A RACK ROLLS IN
FROM NASHVILLE, AND YOU GIVE HER

A BLONDE WITH A RACK ROLLS IN
FROM NASHVILLE, AND YOU GIVE HER
THE KEY TO THE CITY.

FROM NASHVILLE, AND YOU GIVE HER
THE KEY TO THE CITY.
SHE LIVES IN L.A. IN A TRAILER!

THE KEY TO THE CITY.
SHE LIVES IN L.A. IN A TRAILER!
WAS SHE IN A MOVIE?

SHE LIVES IN L.A. IN A TRAILER!
WAS SHE IN A MOVIE?
I MEAN, "ANIMAL HOUSE" HAS MADE

WAS SHE IN A MOVIE?
I MEAN, "ANIMAL HOUSE" HAS MADE
$60 MILLION, YOU KNOW?

I MEAN, "ANIMAL HOUSE" HAS MADE
$60 MILLION, YOU KNOW?
$60 MILLION.

$60 MILLION, YOU KNOW?
$60 MILLION.
DOES NEW YORK HAVE $60 MILLION?

$60 MILLION.
DOES NEW YORK HAVE $60 MILLION?
$60 MILLION FOR

DOES NEW YORK HAVE $60 MILLION?
$60 MILLION FOR
UNIVERSAL STUDIOS...

$60 MILLION FOR
UNIVERSAL STUDIOS...
THAT'S RIGHT.

UNIVERSAL STUDIOS...
THAT'S RIGHT.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT I GOT OUT OF

THAT'S RIGHT.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT I GOT OUT OF
IT?

AND YOU KNOW WHAT I GOT OUT OF
IT?
900 BUCKS!

IT?
900 BUCKS!
[LAUGHTER]

900 BUCKS!
[LAUGHTER]
JOHN, I'M JUST HERE TO

[LAUGHTER]
JOHN, I'M JUST HERE TO
CONGRATULATE YOU.

JOHN, I'M JUST HERE TO
CONGRATULATE YOU.
HOLD IT, ED.

CONGRATULATE YOU.
HOLD IT, ED.
YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T EVEN GET A

HOLD IT, ED.
YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T EVEN GET A
POINT FROM THE FILM, YOU KNOW?

YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T EVEN GET A
POINT FROM THE FILM, YOU KNOW?
I DIDN'T GET A PERCENTAGE OF THE

POINT FROM THE FILM, YOU KNOW?
I DIDN'T GET A PERCENTAGE OF THE
PROFITS.

I DIDN'T GET A PERCENTAGE OF THE
PROFITS.
I GOT ZIP.

PROFITS.
I GOT ZIP.
DO YOU THINK THAT'S FAIR?

I GOT ZIP.
DO YOU THINK THAT'S FAIR?
NO.

DO YOU THINK THAT'S FAIR?
NO.
AND IF IT WERE UP TO ME, YOU'D

NO.
AND IF IT WERE UP TO ME, YOU'D
GET A PERCENTAGE.

AND IF IT WERE UP TO ME, YOU'D
GET A PERCENTAGE.
PERCENTAGE OF WHAT...

GET A PERCENTAGE.
PERCENTAGE OF WHAT...
NEW YORK CITY?

PERCENTAGE OF WHAT...
NEW YORK CITY?
COME ON, WHAT'S THAT WORTH?

NEW YORK CITY?
COME ON, WHAT'S THAT WORTH?
ALL YOU CAN COME UP WITH IS THIS

COME ON, WHAT'S THAT WORTH?
ALL YOU CAN COME UP WITH IS THIS
CERTIFICATE OF MERIT.

ALL YOU CAN COME UP WITH IS THIS
CERTIFICATE OF MERIT.
I GOT ONE OF THESE IN GRADE

CERTIFICATE OF MERIT.
I GOT ONE OF THESE IN GRADE
SCHOOL.

I GOT ONE OF THESE IN GRADE
SCHOOL.
JOHN, FORTUNATELY, I JUST

SCHOOL.
JOHN, FORTUNATELY, I JUST
HAPPEN TO HAVE ANOTHER

JOHN, FORTUNATELY, I JUST
HAPPEN TO HAVE ANOTHER
CERTIFICATE OF MERIT.

HAPPEN TO HAVE ANOTHER
CERTIFICATE OF MERIT.
NOT NOW, KOCH.

CERTIFICATE OF MERIT.
NOT NOW, KOCH.
YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T HAVE TO COME

NOT NOW, KOCH.
YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T HAVE TO COME
BACK HERE.

YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T HAVE TO COME
BACK HERE.
YOU KNOW, I COULD HAVE STAYED IN

BACK HERE.
YOU KNOW, I COULD HAVE STAYED IN
HOLLYWOOD.

YOU KNOW, I COULD HAVE STAYED IN
HOLLYWOOD.
EVERYONE TOLD ME, "STAY AND MAKE

HOLLYWOOD.
EVERYONE TOLD ME, "STAY AND MAKE
MOVIES.

EVERYONE TOLD ME, "STAY AND MAKE
MOVIES.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO BACK THERE

MOVIES.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO BACK THERE
WHERE YOU HAVE TO CLEAN UP AFTER

YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO BACK THERE
WHERE YOU HAVE TO CLEAN UP AFTER
YOUR OWN DOG."

WHERE YOU HAVE TO CLEAN UP AFTER
YOUR OWN DOG."
[LAUGHTER]

YOUR OWN DOG."
[LAUGHTER]
AND MAKING FILMS IS SO MUCH

[LAUGHTER]
AND MAKING FILMS IS SO MUCH
EASIER.

AND MAKING FILMS IS SO MUCH
EASIER.
YOU KNOW, THEY SAY, "ARE YOU

EASIER.
YOU KNOW, THEY SAY, "ARE YOU
READY, JOHN?"

YOU KNOW, THEY SAY, "ARE YOU
READY, JOHN?"
"NO, I'M NOT READY RIGHT NOW."

READY, JOHN?"
"NO, I'M NOT READY RIGHT NOW."
"OKAY. 10 MINUTES?"

"NO, I'M NOT READY RIGHT NOW."
"OKAY. 10 MINUTES?"
I SAID, "OKAY, MAYBE 10

"OKAY. 10 MINUTES?"
I SAID, "OKAY, MAYBE 10
MINUTES."

I SAID, "OKAY, MAYBE 10
MINUTES."
"WOULD YOU LIKE SOME MORE ICED

MINUTES."
"WOULD YOU LIKE SOME MORE ICED
TEA, JOHN?"

"WOULD YOU LIKE SOME MORE ICED
TEA, JOHN?"
"YEAH, OKAY.

TEA, JOHN?"
"YEAH, OKAY.
I'LL HAVE SOME ICED TEA.

"YEAH, OKAY.
I'LL HAVE SOME ICED TEA.
I'LL BE READY IN A SECOND."

I'LL HAVE SOME ICED TEA.
I'LL BE READY IN A SECOND."
YOU KNOW, I COULD HAVE STAYED IN

I'LL BE READY IN A SECOND."
YOU KNOW, I COULD HAVE STAYED IN
HOLLYWOOD, TAKING ALL THOSE BIG

YOU KNOW, I COULD HAVE STAYED IN
HOLLYWOOD, TAKING ALL THOSE BIG
OFFERS, HAD A HOUSE ON

HOLLYWOOD, TAKING ALL THOSE BIG
OFFERS, HAD A HOUSE ON
MULHOLLAND DRIVE, BUT NO!

OFFERS, HAD A HOUSE ON
MULHOLLAND DRIVE, BUT NO!
I GOT TO STAY HERE, COME BACK TO

MULHOLLAND DRIVE, BUT NO!
I GOT TO STAY HERE, COME BACK TO
NEW YORK CITY, AND WORK FOR

I GOT TO STAY HERE, COME BACK TO
NEW YORK CITY, AND WORK FOR
THESE LATE-NIGHT-TV WAGES.

NEW YORK CITY, AND WORK FOR
THESE LATE-NIGHT-TV WAGES.
450 BUCKS A SHOW...

THESE LATE-NIGHT-TV WAGES.
450 BUCKS A SHOW...
THAT'S HOW MUCH WE GET!

450 BUCKS A SHOW...
THAT'S HOW MUCH WE GET!
YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THEY GET ON

THAT'S HOW MUCH WE GET!
YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THEY GET ON
"LAVERNE & SHIRLEY"?

YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THEY GET ON
"LAVERNE & SHIRLEY"?
LENNY AND SQUIGGY GET 5 GRAND A

"LAVERNE & SHIRLEY"?
LENNY AND SQUIGGY GET 5 GRAND A
SHOW!

LENNY AND SQUIGGY GET 5 GRAND A
SHOW!
JOHN, I WISH YOU WOULD JUST

SHOW!
JOHN, I WISH YOU WOULD JUST
ACCEPT THE CERTIFICATE.

JOHN, I WISH YOU WOULD JUST
ACCEPT THE CERTIFICATE.
OKAY.

ACCEPT THE CERTIFICATE.
OKAY.
I'M SORRY, MAYOR.

OKAY.
I'M SORRY, MAYOR.
I'LL ACCEPT YOUR THING HERE.

I'M SORRY, MAYOR.
I'LL ACCEPT YOUR THING HERE.
LOOK, I'M SORRY.

I'LL ACCEPT YOUR THING HERE.
LOOK, I'M SORRY.
YOU KNOW, THIS ISN'T THE PLACE

LOOK, I'M SORRY.
YOU KNOW, THIS ISN'T THE PLACE
TO TALK ABOUT HOW UNIVERSAL

YOU KNOW, THIS ISN'T THE PLACE
TO TALK ABOUT HOW UNIVERSAL
SCREWED ME.

TO TALK ABOUT HOW UNIVERSAL
SCREWED ME.
YOU KNOW, IT'S, UH...

SCREWED ME.
YOU KNOW, IT'S, UH...
JUST THAT I LIVE HERE AND I PAY

YOU KNOW, IT'S, UH...
JUST THAT I LIVE HERE AND I PAY
TAXES, YOU KNOW.

JUST THAT I LIVE HERE AND I PAY
TAXES, YOU KNOW.
I SWEATED OUT THE BEAME YEARS,

TAXES, YOU KNOW.
I SWEATED OUT THE BEAME YEARS,
YOU KNOW?

I SWEATED OUT THE BEAME YEARS,
YOU KNOW?
I'M, UH...

YOU KNOW?
I'M, UH...
I'M NOT SAYING THAT I'M THE

I'M, UH...
I'M NOT SAYING THAT I'M THE
GREATEST ACTOR, YOU KNOW, IN THE

I'M NOT SAYING THAT I'M THE
GREATEST ACTOR, YOU KNOW, IN THE
WORLD AND "ANIMAL HOUSE" IS THE

GREATEST ACTOR, YOU KNOW, IN THE
WORLD AND "ANIMAL HOUSE" IS THE
GREATEST FILM IN THE WORLD, BUT,

WORLD AND "ANIMAL HOUSE" IS THE
GREATEST FILM IN THE WORLD, BUT,
YOU KNOW, IT'S A GOOD FILM...

GREATEST FILM IN THE WORLD, BUT,
YOU KNOW, IT'S A GOOD FILM...
A VERY GOOD FILM.

YOU KNOW, IT'S A GOOD FILM...
A VERY GOOD FILM.
I DID SOME VERY CUTE THINGS IN

A VERY GOOD FILM.
I DID SOME VERY CUTE THINGS IN
THAT MOVIE, YOU KNOW...

I DID SOME VERY CUTE THINGS IN
THAT MOVIE, YOU KNOW...
YOU KNOW, LIKE THAT THING WITH

THAT MOVIE, YOU KNOW...
YOU KNOW, LIKE THAT THING WITH
THE JELLO IN THE CAFETERIA LINE.

YOU KNOW, LIKE THAT THING WITH
THE JELLO IN THE CAFETERIA LINE.
REMEMBER THAT?

THE JELLO IN THE CAFETERIA LINE.
REMEMBER THAT?
I'M AFRAID I DON'T, JOHN.

REMEMBER THAT?
I'M AFRAID I DON'T, JOHN.
WELL, IT WAS JUST BEFORE THE

I'M AFRAID I DON'T, JOHN.
WELL, IT WAS JUST BEFORE THE
MASHED-POTATO THING.

WELL, IT WAS JUST BEFORE THE
MASHED-POTATO THING.
YOU REMEMBER THAT?

MASHED-POTATO THING.
YOU REMEMBER THAT?
NO, JOHN.

YOU REMEMBER THAT?
NO, JOHN.
REGRETTABLY, I HAVEN'T SEEN THE

NO, JOHN.
REGRETTABLY, I HAVEN'T SEEN THE
FLICK.

REGRETTABLY, I HAVEN'T SEEN THE
FLICK.
YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE?

FLICK.
YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE?
YOU'RE GIVING ME THIS?

YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE?
YOU'RE GIVING ME THIS?
ARE YOU KIDDING?

YOU'RE GIVING ME THIS?
ARE YOU KIDDING?
I'VE BEEN VERY BUSY.

ARE YOU KIDDING?
I'VE BEEN VERY BUSY.
WELL, DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE

I'VE BEEN VERY BUSY.
WELL, DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE
WAVERLY THEATER IS?

WELL, DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE
WAVERLY THEATER IS?
SURE, I DO.

WAVERLY THEATER IS?
SURE, I DO.
IT'S SIX BLOCKS FROM MY HOUSE.

SURE, I DO.
IT'S SIX BLOCKS FROM MY HOUSE.
I GOT A MIDNIGHT SHOW.

IT'S SIX BLOCKS FROM MY HOUSE.
I GOT A MIDNIGHT SHOW.
DO YOU HAVE A HAT OR A COAT OR

I GOT A MIDNIGHT SHOW.
DO YOU HAVE A HAT OR A COAT OR
SOMETHING?

DO YOU HAVE A HAT OR A COAT OR
SOMETHING?
COAT.

SOMETHING?
COAT.
COULD SOMEBODY GET THE

COAT.
COULD SOMEBODY GET THE
MAYOR'S COAT?

COULD SOMEBODY GET THE
MAYOR'S COAT?
LOOK, WE'LL GO DOWNTOWN NOW AND

MAYOR'S COAT?
LOOK, WE'LL GO DOWNTOWN NOW AND
CATCH IT.

LOOK, WE'LL GO DOWNTOWN NOW AND
CATCH IT.
IT'S A GOOD MOVIE, YOU KNOW.

CATCH IT.
IT'S A GOOD MOVIE, YOU KNOW.
WE'LL TAKE A CAB OR SOMETHING.

IT'S A GOOD MOVIE, YOU KNOW.
WE'LL TAKE A CAB OR SOMETHING.
BUS, BUT I'D RATHER STAY

WE'LL TAKE A CAB OR SOMETHING.
BUS, BUT I'D RATHER STAY
HERE.

BUS, BUT I'D RATHER STAY
HERE.
YOU WANT TO STAY HERE?

HERE.
YOU WANT TO STAY HERE?
WELL, WE GOT TO SEE THE MOVIE.

YOU WANT TO STAY HERE?
WELL, WE GOT TO SEE THE MOVIE.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

WELL, WE GOT TO SEE THE MOVIE.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

HI, JOAN.
OH. HI, PAT.
I JUST THOUGHT I'D DROP BY

OH. HI, PAT.
I JUST THOUGHT I'D DROP BY
TODAY TO SEE THE COLOR OF THE

I JUST THOUGHT I'D DROP BY
TODAY TO SEE THE COLOR OF THE
HAND TOWELS YOU'RE USING IN THE

TODAY TO SEE THE COLOR OF THE
HAND TOWELS YOU'RE USING IN THE
SPARE BATHROOM.

HAND TOWELS YOU'RE USING IN THE
SPARE BATHROOM.
OH, SURE.

SPARE BATHROOM.
OH, SURE.
COME ON IN.

OH, SURE.
COME ON IN.
HMM.

COME ON IN.
HMM.
SOMETHING SURE SMELLS LIKE

HMM.
SOMETHING SURE SMELLS LIKE
LILAC.

SOMETHING SURE SMELLS LIKE
LILAC.
ARE YOU WEARING A NEW PERFUME?

LILAC.
ARE YOU WEARING A NEW PERFUME?
THANKS, PAT.

ARE YOU WEARING A NEW PERFUME?
THANKS, PAT.
BUT IT'S NOT ME, IT'S MY CAR.

THANKS, PAT.
BUT IT'S NOT ME, IT'S MY CAR.
YOUR CAR SMELLS THAT GOOD?

BUT IT'S NOT ME, IT'S MY CAR.
YOUR CAR SMELLS THAT GOOD?
SURE...

YOUR CAR SMELLS THAT GOOD?
SURE...
WITH AUTOSCENT, THE

SURE...
WITH AUTOSCENT, THE
INTERNAL-COMBUSTION DEODORIZER.

WITH AUTOSCENT, THE
INTERNAL-COMBUSTION DEODORIZER.
AUTOSCENT EXHAUST

INTERNAL-COMBUSTION DEODORIZER.
AUTOSCENT EXHAUST
FRESHENER... LILAC.

AUTOSCENT EXHAUST
FRESHENER... LILAC.
HOW DOES IT WORK?

FRESHENER... LILAC.
HOW DOES IT WORK?
OH, IT'S SO EASY.

HOW DOES IT WORK?
OH, IT'S SO EASY.
HERE, LET ME SHOW YOU.

OH, IT'S SO EASY.
HERE, LET ME SHOW YOU.
ALL YOU DO IS PUMP AUTOSCENT

HERE, LET ME SHOW YOU.
ALL YOU DO IS PUMP AUTOSCENT
INTO THE CARBURETOR EVERY 100

ALL YOU DO IS PUMP AUTOSCENT
INTO THE CARBURETOR EVERY 100
MILES OR WHENEVER YOU WANT TO

INTO THE CARBURETOR EVERY 100
MILES OR WHENEVER YOU WANT TO
CHANGE THE SCENT.

MILES OR WHENEVER YOU WANT TO
CHANGE THE SCENT.
JOAN, YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU

CHANGE THE SCENT.
JOAN, YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU
KNEW ANYTHING ABOUT

JOAN, YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU
KNEW ANYTHING ABOUT
CARBURETORS.

KNEW ANYTHING ABOUT
CARBURETORS.
OH, SURE.

CARBURETORS.
OH, SURE.
I CAN TEAR DOWN A CARB IN

OH, SURE.
I CAN TEAR DOWN A CARB IN
NOTHING FLAT.

I CAN TEAR DOWN A CARB IN
NOTHING FLAT.
BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT TO

NOTHING FLAT.
BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT TO
USE AUTOSCENT.

BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT TO
USE AUTOSCENT.
MY EXHAUST HAS BEEN SMELLING

USE AUTOSCENT.
MY EXHAUST HAS BEEN SMELLING
LIKE LILACS ALL WEEK.

MY EXHAUST HAS BEEN SMELLING
LIKE LILACS ALL WEEK.
BUT TODAY, I WANT IT TO SMELL

LIKE LILACS ALL WEEK.
BUT TODAY, I WANT IT TO SMELL
LIKE A PINE FOREST.

BUT TODAY, I WANT IT TO SMELL
LIKE A PINE FOREST.
GO AHEAD.

LIKE A PINE FOREST.
GO AHEAD.
SMELL THE TAIL PIPE.

GO AHEAD.
SMELL THE TAIL PIPE.
[ENGINE TURNS OVER]

SMELL THE TAIL PIPE.
[ENGINE TURNS OVER]
MMM!

[ENGINE TURNS OVER]
MMM!
IT REALLY WORKS!

MMM!
IT REALLY WORKS!
AUTOSCENT, THE

IT REALLY WORKS!
AUTOSCENT, THE
AUTOMOBILE-EXHAUST FRESHENER,

AUTOSCENT, THE
AUTOMOBILE-EXHAUST FRESHENER,
IN FOUR EXCITING FRAGRANCES...

AUTOMOBILE-EXHAUST FRESHENER,
IN FOUR EXCITING FRAGRANCES...
LILAC, LEMON-LIME, PINE-FOREST,

IN FOUR EXCITING FRAGRANCES...
LILAC, LEMON-LIME, PINE-FOREST,
AND MUSK... IN ENVIRONMENTALLY

LILAC, LEMON-LIME, PINE-FOREST,
AND MUSK... IN ENVIRONMENTALLY
SAFE PUMP SPRAY.

AND MUSK... IN ENVIRONMENTALLY
SAFE PUMP SPRAY.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[THE ROLLING STONES' "MISS YOU"
PLAYS]

GOOD EVENING, EVERYBODY.
WELCOME TO THE "TOMORROW" SHOW.
AT THE OUTSET OF THE PROGRAM

WELCOME TO THE "TOMORROW" SHOW.
AT THE OUTSET OF THE PROGRAM
TONIGHT, I'D LIKE TO CLEAR

AT THE OUTSET OF THE PROGRAM
TONIGHT, I'D LIKE TO CLEAR
SOMETHING UP THAT TICKED ME OFF

TONIGHT, I'D LIKE TO CLEAR
SOMETHING UP THAT TICKED ME OFF
WHEN I HEARD ABOUT IT.

SOMETHING UP THAT TICKED ME OFF
WHEN I HEARD ABOUT IT.
THERE'S A, UH...

WHEN I HEARD ABOUT IT.
THERE'S A, UH...
THERE'S A NEWSMAN WHO WORKS AT

THERE'S A, UH...
THERE'S A NEWSMAN WHO WORKS AT
KNBC IN LOS ANGELES.

THERE'S A NEWSMAN WHO WORKS AT
KNBC IN LOS ANGELES.
HIS NAME IS PAUL MOYER.

KNBC IN LOS ANGELES.
HIS NAME IS PAUL MOYER.
HE'S A LOCAL NEWS ANCHORMAN.

HIS NAME IS PAUL MOYER.
HE'S A LOCAL NEWS ANCHORMAN.
WELL, LATELY, SOMEBODY WALKED UP

HE'S A LOCAL NEWS ANCHORMAN.
WELL, LATELY, SOMEBODY WALKED UP
TO ME AND SAID, "TOM, YOU KNOW

WELL, LATELY, SOMEBODY WALKED UP
TO ME AND SAID, "TOM, YOU KNOW
THAT GUY PAUL MOYER OVER IN

TO ME AND SAID, "TOM, YOU KNOW
THAT GUY PAUL MOYER OVER IN
NEWS.

THAT GUY PAUL MOYER OVER IN
NEWS.
GEE, HE LOOKS AND SOUNDS A LOT

NEWS.
GEE, HE LOOKS AND SOUNDS A LOT
LIKE YOU."

GEE, HE LOOKS AND SOUNDS A LOT
LIKE YOU."
WELL, THIS AFTERNOON, SOMEBODY

LIKE YOU."
WELL, THIS AFTERNOON, SOMEBODY
ELSE COMES UP AND SAYS, "TOM,"

WELL, THIS AFTERNOON, SOMEBODY
ELSE COMES UP AND SAYS, "TOM,"
HE SAID, "IS IT TRUE PAUL MOYER

ELSE COMES UP AND SAYS, "TOM,"
HE SAID, "IS IT TRUE PAUL MOYER
FROM OVER IN NEWS WILL BE

HE SAID, "IS IT TRUE PAUL MOYER
FROM OVER IN NEWS WILL BE
REPLACING YOU ON THE 'TOMORROW'

FROM OVER IN NEWS WILL BE
REPLACING YOU ON THE 'TOMORROW'
SHOW?"

REPLACING YOU ON THE 'TOMORROW'
SHOW?"
WELL, NOW, BY GOSH, PAUL MOYER

SHOW?"
WELL, NOW, BY GOSH, PAUL MOYER
AND I USED TO WORK TOGETHER, AND

WELL, NOW, BY GOSH, PAUL MOYER
AND I USED TO WORK TOGETHER, AND
I WATCHED THE NEWS THE OTHER

AND I USED TO WORK TOGETHER, AND
I WATCHED THE NEWS THE OTHER
NIGHT.

I WATCHED THE NEWS THE OTHER
NIGHT.
AND THIS FELLA DOES SOUND AND

NIGHT.
AND THIS FELLA DOES SOUND AND
LOOK A LITTLE BIT LIKE ME, BUT

AND THIS FELLA DOES SOUND AND
LOOK A LITTLE BIT LIKE ME, BUT
AS FAR AS TOM SNYDER BEING

LOOK A LITTLE BIT LIKE ME, BUT
AS FAR AS TOM SNYDER BEING
REPLACED ON THE "TOMORROW" SHOW,

AS FAR AS TOM SNYDER BEING
REPLACED ON THE "TOMORROW" SHOW,
WELL, THAT'S JUST A LOT OF BUNK.

REPLACED ON THE "TOMORROW" SHOW,
WELL, THAT'S JUST A LOT OF BUNK.
THERE'S NO WAY HE'S GONNA GET

WELL, THAT'S JUST A LOT OF BUNK.
THERE'S NO WAY HE'S GONNA GET
TOM SNYDER'S SHOW, 'CAUSE I

THERE'S NO WAY HE'S GONNA GET
TOM SNYDER'S SHOW, 'CAUSE I
KNOW, IF THEY EVER THREW ME OUT

TOM SNYDER'S SHOW, 'CAUSE I
KNOW, IF THEY EVER THREW ME OUT
OF HERE, BOBBY BROWN AND THE

KNOW, IF THEY EVER THREW ME OUT
OF HERE, BOBBY BROWN AND THE
REST OF THE GUYS IN THE CREW

OF HERE, BOBBY BROWN AND THE
REST OF THE GUYS IN THE CREW
WOULD END UP COMING WITH ME.

REST OF THE GUYS IN THE CREW
WOULD END UP COMING WITH ME.
WE'D DO IT IN MY LIVING ROOM,

WOULD END UP COMING WITH ME.
WE'D DO IT IN MY LIVING ROOM,
AND WE'D PUT THE DAMN THING IN

WE'D DO IT IN MY LIVING ROOM,
AND WE'D PUT THE DAMN THING IN
SYNDICATION.

AND WE'D PUT THE DAMN THING IN
SYNDICATION.
WELL, THAT'S THAT.

SYNDICATION.
WELL, THAT'S THAT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WELL, THAT'S THAT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
ANYWAY, MY GUEST TONIGHT IS A

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
ANYWAY, MY GUEST TONIGHT IS A
MAN WHO'S FAMILIAR TO ANYBODY

ANYWAY, MY GUEST TONIGHT IS A
MAN WHO'S FAMILIAR TO ANYBODY
WHO OWNS A HI-FI SET.

MAN WHO'S FAMILIAR TO ANYBODY
WHO OWNS A HI-FI SET.
HE'S A MEMBER OF A POP GROUP,

WHO OWNS A HI-FI SET.
HE'S A MEMBER OF A POP GROUP,
THE ROLLING STONES, AND HIS NAME

HE'S A MEMBER OF A POP GROUP,
THE ROLLING STONES, AND HIS NAME
IS MR. MICK JAGGER.

THE ROLLING STONES, AND HIS NAME
IS MR. MICK JAGGER.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AND, SIR...
SIR, I GUESS MY FIRST QUESTION
TO YOU IS, SIR... WHY

SIR, I GUESS MY FIRST QUESTION
TO YOU IS, SIR... WHY
MICK JAGGER?

TO YOU IS, SIR... WHY
MICK JAGGER?
WHY THE NAME JAGGER?

MICK JAGGER?
WHY THE NAME JAGGER?
WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

WHY THE NAME JAGGER?
WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
WELL, IT'S MY NAME.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
WELL, IT'S MY NAME.
IT WAS MY FATHER'S NAME.

WELL, IT'S MY NAME.
IT WAS MY FATHER'S NAME.
ALL RIGHT, FAIR ENOUGH.

IT WAS MY FATHER'S NAME.
ALL RIGHT, FAIR ENOUGH.
I'LL BUY THAT.

ALL RIGHT, FAIR ENOUGH.
I'LL BUY THAT.
GET OFF MY CLOUD!

I'LL BUY THAT.
GET OFF MY CLOUD!
GET OFF MY CLOUD?

GET OFF MY CLOUD!
GET OFF MY CLOUD?
THE SONG "GET OFF MY CLOUD"

GET OFF MY CLOUD?
THE SONG "GET OFF MY CLOUD"
WAS ONE OF THE BEST THINGS YOU

THE SONG "GET OFF MY CLOUD"
WAS ONE OF THE BEST THINGS YOU
GUYS EVER DID, AND I'LL TELL YOU

WAS ONE OF THE BEST THINGS YOU
GUYS EVER DID, AND I'LL TELL YOU
WHY.

GUYS EVER DID, AND I'LL TELL YOU
WHY.
I WAS WORKING AT WESTINGHOUSE

WHY.
I WAS WORKING AT WESTINGHOUSE
INDUSTRIES BACK IN THE '50s...

I WAS WORKING AT WESTINGHOUSE
INDUSTRIES BACK IN THE '50s...
NOT IN THE TOASTER DIVISION, IN

INDUSTRIES BACK IN THE '50s...
NOT IN THE TOASTER DIVISION, IN
THE BROADCASTING DIVISION.

NOT IN THE TOASTER DIVISION, IN
THE BROADCASTING DIVISION.
THERE WAS A UNIT MANAGER WHO

THE BROADCASTING DIVISION.
THERE WAS A UNIT MANAGER WHO
USED TO GET ME SO TEED OFF, YOU

THERE WAS A UNIT MANAGER WHO
USED TO GET ME SO TEED OFF, YOU
KNOW?

USED TO GET ME SO TEED OFF, YOU
KNOW?
I USED TO FEEL LIKE SAYING TO

KNOW?
I USED TO FEEL LIKE SAYING TO
HIM, "GET THE HECK OFF MY

I USED TO FEEL LIKE SAYING TO
HIM, "GET THE HECK OFF MY
CLOUD."

HIM, "GET THE HECK OFF MY
CLOUD."
YOU EVER FEEL LIKE SAYING,

CLOUD."
YOU EVER FEEL LIKE SAYING,
"HECK, I'M MICK JAGGER.

YOU EVER FEEL LIKE SAYING,
"HECK, I'M MICK JAGGER.
I GOT A FEW HIT RECORDS.

"HECK, I'M MICK JAGGER.
I GOT A FEW HIT RECORDS.
I CAN AFFORD TO TAKE SOME TIME

I GOT A FEW HIT RECORDS.
I CAN AFFORD TO TAKE SOME TIME
OFF AND DO WHATEVER THE HECK I

I CAN AFFORD TO TAKE SOME TIME
OFF AND DO WHATEVER THE HECK I
WANT"?

OFF AND DO WHATEVER THE HECK I
WANT"?
DO YOU EVER FEEL THAT WAY?

WANT"?
DO YOU EVER FEEL THAT WAY?
YEAH, I SUPPOSE I DO.

DO YOU EVER FEEL THAT WAY?
YEAH, I SUPPOSE I DO.
I MEAN, WE DID A TOUR THAT WAS

YEAH, I SUPPOSE I DO.
I MEAN, WE DID A TOUR THAT WAS
REALLY SUCCESSFUL, AND I WENT

I MEAN, WE DID A TOUR THAT WAS
REALLY SUCCESSFUL, AND I WENT
CRAZY, I GUESS...

REALLY SUCCESSFUL, AND I WENT
CRAZY, I GUESS...
A LITTLE CRAZY AFTER IT, AND

CRAZY, I GUESS...
A LITTLE CRAZY AFTER IT, AND
I PUT A BARBECUE AND A SWIMMING

A LITTLE CRAZY AFTER IT, AND
I PUT A BARBECUE AND A SWIMMING
POOL IN THE BACKYARD.

I PUT A BARBECUE AND A SWIMMING
POOL IN THE BACKYARD.
WELL, MICK, I KNOW EXACTLY

POOL IN THE BACKYARD.
WELL, MICK, I KNOW EXACTLY
WHAT YOU MEAN.

WELL, MICK, I KNOW EXACTLY
WHAT YOU MEAN.
YOU KNOW, THERE'S NOTHING LIKE A

WHAT YOU MEAN.
YOU KNOW, THERE'S NOTHING LIKE A
GOOD OLD-FASHIONED BARBECUE.

YOU KNOW, THERE'S NOTHING LIKE A
GOOD OLD-FASHIONED BARBECUE.
YOU START COOKING UP THE STEAKS.

GOOD OLD-FASHIONED BARBECUE.
YOU START COOKING UP THE STEAKS.
THE SMELL OF THE CHARBROILING

YOU START COOKING UP THE STEAKS.
THE SMELL OF THE CHARBROILING
ATTRACTS EVERYBODY FROM NEXT

THE SMELL OF THE CHARBROILING
ATTRACTS EVERYBODY FROM NEXT
DOOR.

ATTRACTS EVERYBODY FROM NEXT
DOOR.
GOLLY, I FIND MYSELF FEEDING THE

DOOR.
GOLLY, I FIND MYSELF FEEDING THE
WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD.

GOLLY, I FIND MYSELF FEEDING THE
WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD.
THAT'S THE FUN OF A BARBECUE.

WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD.
THAT'S THE FUN OF A BARBECUE.
[LAUGHS]

THAT'S THE FUN OF A BARBECUE.
[LAUGHS]
WELL, YES, SIR.

[LAUGHS]
WELL, YES, SIR.
I'LL BUY THAT, SIR.

WELL, YES, SIR.
I'LL BUY THAT, SIR.
YOU KNOW, TOM, EVER SINCE WE

I'LL BUY THAT, SIR.
YOU KNOW, TOM, EVER SINCE WE
PUT THE POOL IN AT OUR HOUSE, A

YOU KNOW, TOM, EVER SINCE WE
PUT THE POOL IN AT OUR HOUSE, A
LOT OF OLD FRIENDS THAT WE

PUT THE POOL IN AT OUR HOUSE, A
LOT OF OLD FRIENDS THAT WE
HAVEN'T SEEN FOR A WHILE JUST

LOT OF OLD FRIENDS THAT WE
HAVEN'T SEEN FOR A WHILE JUST
DROP IN MORE OFTEN, YOU KNOW,

HAVEN'T SEEN FOR A WHILE JUST
DROP IN MORE OFTEN, YOU KNOW,
LIKE ROD AND BABS STEWART,

DROP IN MORE OFTEN, YOU KNOW,
LIKE ROD AND BABS STEWART,
ERIC AND MADGE CLAPTON.

LIKE ROD AND BABS STEWART,
ERIC AND MADGE CLAPTON.
THEY LOVE TO COME OVER AND BEAT

ERIC AND MADGE CLAPTON.
THEY LOVE TO COME OVER AND BEAT
THE HEAT, YOU KNOW.

THEY LOVE TO COME OVER AND BEAT
THE HEAT, YOU KNOW.
WELL, IT'S A HOT LIFE YOU

THE HEAT, YOU KNOW.
WELL, IT'S A HOT LIFE YOU
LEAD, YOU KNOW.

WELL, IT'S A HOT LIFE YOU
LEAD, YOU KNOW.
SPEAKING OF HEAT, BOY, YOU'RE

LEAD, YOU KNOW.
SPEAKING OF HEAT, BOY, YOU'RE
QUITE THE DANCER.

SPEAKING OF HEAT, BOY, YOU'RE
QUITE THE DANCER.
I SAW YOUR SHOW IN TUCSON.

QUITE THE DANCER.
I SAW YOUR SHOW IN TUCSON.
AND SOME OF THOSE MOVES... I

I SAW YOUR SHOW IN TUCSON.
AND SOME OF THOSE MOVES... I
WOULDN'T THINK THE HUMAN BODY

AND SOME OF THOSE MOVES... I
WOULDN'T THINK THE HUMAN BODY
WOULD BE CAPABLE OF MOVING LIKE

WOULDN'T THINK THE HUMAN BODY
WOULD BE CAPABLE OF MOVING LIKE
THAT.

WOULD BE CAPABLE OF MOVING LIKE
THAT.
THEY WERE TERRIFIC, MICK,

THAT.
THEY WERE TERRIFIC, MICK,
REALLY.

THEY WERE TERRIFIC, MICK,
REALLY.
THANK YOU.

REALLY.
THANK YOU.
WHICH ONES?

THANK YOU.
WHICH ONES?
WHICH PARTICULAR ONES DID YOU GO

WHICH ONES?
WHICH PARTICULAR ONES DID YOU GO
FOR?

WHICH PARTICULAR ONES DID YOU GO
FOR?
WELL, THE LITTLE THING WITH

FOR?
WELL, THE LITTLE THING WITH
YOUR LEG, YOU KNOW, AND THE

WELL, THE LITTLE THING WITH
YOUR LEG, YOU KNOW, AND THE
LITTLE WALK, YOU KNOW...

YOUR LEG, YOU KNOW, AND THE
LITTLE WALK, YOU KNOW...
THE LITTLE THINGS YOU DO,

LITTLE WALK, YOU KNOW...
THE LITTLE THINGS YOU DO,
ALL THOSE LITTLE THINGS.

THE LITTLE THINGS YOU DO,
ALL THOSE LITTLE THINGS.
WHICH ONE?

ALL THOSE LITTLE THINGS.
WHICH ONE?
YOU WANT TO SHOW ME?

WHICH ONE?
YOU WANT TO SHOW ME?
SHOW ME.

YOU WANT TO SHOW ME?
SHOW ME.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

SHOW ME.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WELL, I'LL CLEAR A BIT OF ROOM

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WELL, I'LL CLEAR A BIT OF ROOM
HERE.

WELL, I'LL CLEAR A BIT OF ROOM
HERE.
WELL, HECK.

HERE.
WELL, HECK.
HECK, I CAN...

WELL, HECK.
HECK, I CAN...
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

HECK, I CAN...
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[LAUGHS]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[LAUGHS]
ALL RIGHT, AL.

[LAUGHS]
ALL RIGHT, AL.
LET'S GET A WIDE SHOT OF THIS.

ALL RIGHT, AL.
LET'S GET A WIDE SHOT OF THIS.
HECK, I CAN BOOGIE JUST LIKE THE

LET'S GET A WIDE SHOT OF THIS.
HECK, I CAN BOOGIE JUST LIKE THE
NEXT GUY.

HECK, I CAN BOOGIE JUST LIKE THE
NEXT GUY.
WELL, I MEAN, YOU KNOW, THE

NEXT GUY.
WELL, I MEAN, YOU KNOW, THE
LITTLE... THE LITTLE WALK...

WELL, I MEAN, YOU KNOW, THE
LITTLE... THE LITTLE WALK...
AND, YOU KNOW, THE THING WITH

LITTLE... THE LITTLE WALK...
AND, YOU KNOW, THE THING WITH
YOUR LEG... YOU KNOW, THE...

AND, YOU KNOW, THE THING WITH
YOUR LEG... YOU KNOW, THE...
MM-HMM. MM-HMM.

YOUR LEG... YOU KNOW, THE...
MM-HMM. MM-HMM.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

MM-HMM. MM-HMM.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
YOU KNOW THAT?

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
YOU KNOW THAT?
THOSE MOVES THERE.

YOU KNOW THAT?
THOSE MOVES THERE.
HECK, YEAH, YOU KNOW.

THOSE MOVES THERE.
HECK, YEAH, YOU KNOW.
[LAUGHS]

HECK, YEAH, YOU KNOW.
[LAUGHS]
YOU KNOW, I THINK YOU CLEARLY

[LAUGHS]
YOU KNOW, I THINK YOU CLEARLY
MISSED YOUR CALLING IN LIFE.

YOU KNOW, I THINK YOU CLEARLY
MISSED YOUR CALLING IN LIFE.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

MISSED YOUR CALLING IN LIFE.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
YOU THINK I SHOULD HAVE BEEN A

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
YOU THINK I SHOULD HAVE BEEN A
DANCER OR SOMETHING?

YOU THINK I SHOULD HAVE BEEN A
DANCER OR SOMETHING?
WELL, NOT FOR A LIVING.

DANCER OR SOMETHING?
WELL, NOT FOR A LIVING.
SPEAKING OF RELAXATION, MICK.

WELL, NOT FOR A LIVING.
SPEAKING OF RELAXATION, MICK.
I JUST DO IT TO FOOL AROUND.

SPEAKING OF RELAXATION, MICK.
I JUST DO IT TO FOOL AROUND.
YOU KNOW, I LIKE TO DANCE.

I JUST DO IT TO FOOL AROUND.
YOU KNOW, I LIKE TO DANCE.
YOU KNOW, I NOTICED ON A COVER

YOU KNOW, I LIKE TO DANCE.
YOU KNOW, I NOTICED ON A COVER
OF ONE OF YOUR SINGLES RELEASED

YOU KNOW, I NOTICED ON A COVER
OF ONE OF YOUR SINGLES RELEASED
IN 1966, "HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR

OF ONE OF YOUR SINGLES RELEASED
IN 1966, "HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR
MOTHER, BABY, STANDING IN THE

IN 1966, "HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR
MOTHER, BABY, STANDING IN THE
SHADOW?"... CAN WE SEE THAT?

MOTHER, BABY, STANDING IN THE
SHADOW?"... CAN WE SEE THAT?
YOU GUYS SEEM TO BE GUYS THAT

SHADOW?"... CAN WE SEE THAT?
YOU GUYS SEEM TO BE GUYS THAT
ENJOY DRESSING UP AS GALS NOW

YOU GUYS SEEM TO BE GUYS THAT
ENJOY DRESSING UP AS GALS NOW
AND AGAIN.

ENJOY DRESSING UP AS GALS NOW
AND AGAIN.
WELL, IT'S NOT SUCH A REALLY

AND AGAIN.
WELL, IT'S NOT SUCH A REALLY
BIG DEAL, YOU KNOW, DRESSING UP

WELL, IT'S NOT SUCH A REALLY
BIG DEAL, YOU KNOW, DRESSING UP
AS A WOMAN.

BIG DEAL, YOU KNOW, DRESSING UP
AS A WOMAN.
THIS WAS JUST MORE OF A

AS A WOMAN.
THIS WAS JUST MORE OF A
THEATRICAL DEVICE WE USED.

THIS WAS JUST MORE OF A
THEATRICAL DEVICE WE USED.
WELL, ALL I KNOW IS I GOT A

THEATRICAL DEVICE WE USED.
WELL, ALL I KNOW IS I GOT A
PINK WOMAN'S HOUSECOAT AT HOME

WELL, ALL I KNOW IS I GOT A
PINK WOMAN'S HOUSECOAT AT HOME
AND A PAIR OF FUZZY, PINK

PINK WOMAN'S HOUSECOAT AT HOME
AND A PAIR OF FUZZY, PINK
SLIPPERS, AND, HECK, I DIDN'T

AND A PAIR OF FUZZY, PINK
SLIPPERS, AND, HECK, I DIDN'T
BUY THEM 'CAUSE THEY'RE LADIES'

SLIPPERS, AND, HECK, I DIDN'T
BUY THEM 'CAUSE THEY'RE LADIES'
THINGS.

BUY THEM 'CAUSE THEY'RE LADIES'
THINGS.
I BOUGHT THEM 'CAUSE, DAMN IT,

THINGS.
I BOUGHT THEM 'CAUSE, DAMN IT,
THEY'RE COMFORTABLE!

I BOUGHT THEM 'CAUSE, DAMN IT,
THEY'RE COMFORTABLE!
I MEAN...

THEY'RE COMFORTABLE!
I MEAN...
I DON'T CARE IF THEY ARE LADIES'

I MEAN...
I DON'T CARE IF THEY ARE LADIES'
GARMENTS.

I DON'T CARE IF THEY ARE LADIES'
GARMENTS.
I KNOW YOU DON'T, TOM.

GARMENTS.
I KNOW YOU DON'T, TOM.
IT DOESN'T SURPRISE ME AT ALL.

I KNOW YOU DON'T, TOM.
IT DOESN'T SURPRISE ME AT ALL.
IN FACT, I STILL HAVE A LITTLE

IT DOESN'T SURPRISE ME AT ALL.
IN FACT, I STILL HAVE A LITTLE
PUSH-UP BRA THAT WE USED ON THE

IN FACT, I STILL HAVE A LITTLE
PUSH-UP BRA THAT WE USED ON THE
COVER AND, REALLY, YOU CAN HAVE

PUSH-UP BRA THAT WE USED ON THE
COVER AND, REALLY, YOU CAN HAVE
IT IF YOU WANT.

COVER AND, REALLY, YOU CAN HAVE
IT IF YOU WANT.
REALLY? I COULD HAVE THAT?

IT IF YOU WANT.
REALLY? I COULD HAVE THAT?
YEAH, I DON'T NEED IT

REALLY? I COULD HAVE THAT?
YEAH, I DON'T NEED IT
ANYMORE.

YEAH, I DON'T NEED IT
ANYMORE.
WELL, ALL RIGHT.

ANYMORE.
WELL, ALL RIGHT.
THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

WELL, ALL RIGHT.
THAT WOULD BE GREAT.
MICK, I'LL TAKE YOU UP ON THAT.

THAT WOULD BE GREAT.
MICK, I'LL TAKE YOU UP ON THAT.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING

MICK, I'LL TAKE YOU UP ON THAT.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING
US.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING
US.
YOU KNOW, I JUST WANT TO SAY

US.
YOU KNOW, I JUST WANT TO SAY
THAT WHEN THEY TOLD ME YOU WERE

YOU KNOW, I JUST WANT TO SAY
THAT WHEN THEY TOLD ME YOU WERE
DOING THE SHOW, I WAS, FRANKLY,

THAT WHEN THEY TOLD ME YOU WERE
DOING THE SHOW, I WAS, FRANKLY,
QUITE APPREHENSIVE.

DOING THE SHOW, I WAS, FRANKLY,
QUITE APPREHENSIVE.
I HEARD YOU WERE A LITTLE BIT OF

QUITE APPREHENSIVE.
I HEARD YOU WERE A LITTLE BIT OF
A CUTUP, A KIND OF A HELLION.

I HEARD YOU WERE A LITTLE BIT OF
A CUTUP, A KIND OF A HELLION.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF

A CUTUP, A KIND OF A HELLION.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF
HIGH JINKS TO EXPECT FROM GUYS

I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF
HIGH JINKS TO EXPECT FROM GUYS
LIKE YOU.

HIGH JINKS TO EXPECT FROM GUYS
LIKE YOU.
BUT HERE YOU ARE.

LIKE YOU.
BUT HERE YOU ARE.
YOU'RE A WELL-BEHAVED YOUNG MAN.

BUT HERE YOU ARE.
YOU'RE A WELL-BEHAVED YOUNG MAN.
AND FRANKLY, SIR, I AM

YOU'RE A WELL-BEHAVED YOUNG MAN.
AND FRANKLY, SIR, I AM
SURPRISED.

AND FRANKLY, SIR, I AM
SURPRISED.
WELL, TOM, THANK YOU.

SURPRISED.
WELL, TOM, THANK YOU.
THAT'S NICE OF YOU.

WELL, TOM, THANK YOU.
THAT'S NICE OF YOU.
YOU KNOW, BEFORE I CAME HERE, I

THAT'S NICE OF YOU.
YOU KNOW, BEFORE I CAME HERE, I
HEARD A FEW THINGS ABOUT YOU.

YOU KNOW, BEFORE I CAME HERE, I
HEARD A FEW THINGS ABOUT YOU.
AND I HEARD YOU WERE SLOW AND A

HEARD A FEW THINGS ABOUT YOU.
AND I HEARD YOU WERE SLOW AND A
BIT THICK... YOU KNOW, A KIND OF

AND I HEARD YOU WERE SLOW AND A
BIT THICK... YOU KNOW, A KIND OF
A DIM BULB.

BIT THICK... YOU KNOW, A KIND OF
A DIM BULB.
BUT NOW I'VE MET YOU, YOU KNOW,

A DIM BULB.
BUT NOW I'VE MET YOU, YOU KNOW,
I KNOW YOU CAN'T HELP IT.

BUT NOW I'VE MET YOU, YOU KNOW,
I KNOW YOU CAN'T HELP IT.
WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH,

I KNOW YOU CAN'T HELP IT.
WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
SIR.

WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
SIR.
YOU'RE WELCOME BACK ANYTIME.

SIR.
YOU'RE WELCOME BACK ANYTIME.
WE'VE BEEN TALKING WITH...

YOU'RE WELCOME BACK ANYTIME.
WE'VE BEEN TALKING WITH...
EXCUSE ME, TOM.

WE'VE BEEN TALKING WITH...
EXCUSE ME, TOM.
ONE THING, YOU KNOW, BEFORE WE

EXCUSE ME, TOM.
ONE THING, YOU KNOW, BEFORE WE
FINISH UP.

ONE THING, YOU KNOW, BEFORE WE
FINISH UP.
ANYTHING AT ALL, SIR.

FINISH UP.
ANYTHING AT ALL, SIR.
THROUGH THIS ENTIRE

ANYTHING AT ALL, SIR.
THROUGH THIS ENTIRE
INTERVIEW, ONE THING HAS

THROUGH THIS ENTIRE
INTERVIEW, ONE THING HAS
FASCINATED ME.

INTERVIEW, ONE THING HAS
FASCINATED ME.
YES, SIR?

FASCINATED ME.
YES, SIR?
IT'S THE EXTRAORDINARY

YES, SIR?
IT'S THE EXTRAORDINARY
VARIETY OF COLORS IN YOUR HAIR.

IT'S THE EXTRAORDINARY
VARIETY OF COLORS IN YOUR HAIR.
I MEAN, THERE MUST BE AT LEAST

VARIETY OF COLORS IN YOUR HAIR.
I MEAN, THERE MUST BE AT LEAST
12.

I MEAN, THERE MUST BE AT LEAST
12.
I MEAN, THERE'S GRAY AND BLACK

12.
I MEAN, THERE'S GRAY AND BLACK
AND BLUE AND A LITTLE GREEN.

I MEAN, THERE'S GRAY AND BLACK
AND BLUE AND A LITTLE GREEN.
YOU MUST BE AWARE OF THAT.

AND BLUE AND A LITTLE GREEN.
YOU MUST BE AWARE OF THAT.
GREEN?

YOU MUST BE AWARE OF THAT.
GREEN?
I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT THE SPOT OF

GREEN?
I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT THE SPOT OF
GREEN, MICK, TO BE QUITE HONEST

I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT THE SPOT OF
GREEN, MICK, TO BE QUITE HONEST
WITH YOU.

GREEN, MICK, TO BE QUITE HONEST
WITH YOU.
JOIN US TOMORROW ON "TOMORROW,"

WITH YOU.
JOIN US TOMORROW ON "TOMORROW,"
WHEN WE'LL BE TALKING WITH A

JOIN US TOMORROW ON "TOMORROW,"
WHEN WE'LL BE TALKING WITH A
GROUP OF BEEF FARMERS WHO CLAIM

WHEN WE'LL BE TALKING WITH A
GROUP OF BEEF FARMERS WHO CLAIM
THAT ELVIS PRESLEY'S GHOST IS

GROUP OF BEEF FARMERS WHO CLAIM
THAT ELVIS PRESLEY'S GHOST IS
RESPONSIBLE FOR A MYSTERIOUS

THAT ELVIS PRESLEY'S GHOST IS
RESPONSIBLE FOR A MYSTERIOUS
SERIES OF AERIAL CATTLE

RESPONSIBLE FOR A MYSTERIOUS
SERIES OF AERIAL CATTLE
MUTILATIONS IN THE MIDWEST.

SERIES OF AERIAL CATTLE
MUTILATIONS IN THE MIDWEST.
GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY.

MUTILATIONS IN THE MIDWEST.
GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY.
[THE ROLLING STONES' "MISS YOU"

GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY.
[THE ROLLING STONES' "MISS YOU"
PLAYS]

♪ THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH
THE SOUND OF MUSIC ♪
♪ WITH THE SONGS THEY HAVE

THE SOUND OF MUSIC ♪
♪ WITH THE SONGS THEY HAVE
SUNG FOR 1,000 YEARS ♪

♪ WITH THE SONGS THEY HAVE
SUNG FOR 1,000 YEARS ♪
HELLO, MRS. LOOPNER.

SUNG FOR 1,000 YEARS ♪
HELLO, MRS. LOOPNER.
HI, TODD.

HELLO, MRS. LOOPNER.
HI, TODD.
HI, LISA.

HI, TODD.
HI, LISA.
HI, MOM.

HI, LISA.
HI, MOM.
WHAT A BECOMING HOUSECOAT,

HI, MOM.
WHAT A BECOMING HOUSECOAT,
MRS. LOOPNER.

WHAT A BECOMING HOUSECOAT,
MRS. LOOPNER.
OH, FLATTERY WILL GET YOU

MRS. LOOPNER.
OH, FLATTERY WILL GET YOU
EVERYWHERE, TODD.

OH, FLATTERY WILL GET YOU
EVERYWHERE, TODD.
YOU KIDS MUST BE STARVING.

EVERYWHERE, TODD.
YOU KIDS MUST BE STARVING.
LET ME GET YOU SOME MINIATURE

YOU KIDS MUST BE STARVING.
LET ME GET YOU SOME MINIATURE
MARSHMALLOWS.

LET ME GET YOU SOME MINIATURE
MARSHMALLOWS.
THANKS, MOM!

MARSHMALLOWS.
THANKS, MOM!
THANK YOU, MRS. LOOPNER.

THANKS, MOM!
THANK YOU, MRS. LOOPNER.
NOW, WHICH ONE OF YOU IS THE

THANK YOU, MRS. LOOPNER.
NOW, WHICH ONE OF YOU IS THE
NEW PRESIDENT OF THE CHESS CLUB?

NOW, WHICH ONE OF YOU IS THE
NEW PRESIDENT OF THE CHESS CLUB?
OH, MOM.

NEW PRESIDENT OF THE CHESS CLUB?
OH, MOM.
THEY DON'T PICK TILL FRIDAY.

OH, MOM.
THEY DON'T PICK TILL FRIDAY.
MOM, WHY ARE YOU TAKING

THEY DON'T PICK TILL FRIDAY.
MOM, WHY ARE YOU TAKING
EVERYTHING OUT OF THE

MOM, WHY ARE YOU TAKING
EVERYTHING OUT OF THE
REFRIGERATOR?

EVERYTHING OUT OF THE
REFRIGERATOR?
WELL, THE POOR OLD NORGE IS

REFRIGERATOR?
WELL, THE POOR OLD NORGE IS
ON THE FRITZ AGAIN.

WELL, THE POOR OLD NORGE IS
ON THE FRITZ AGAIN.
I'M JUST CLEANING IT OUT FOR THE

ON THE FRITZ AGAIN.
I'M JUST CLEANING IT OUT FOR THE
REFRIGERATOR REPAIRMAN.

I'M JUST CLEANING IT OUT FOR THE
REFRIGERATOR REPAIRMAN.
OOH! LISA!

REFRIGERATOR REPAIRMAN.
OOH! LISA!
THIS CAME FOR YOU TODAY.

OOH! LISA!
THIS CAME FOR YOU TODAY.
OH, NO!

THIS CAME FOR YOU TODAY.
OH, NO!
I DON'T BELIEVE IT!

OH, NO!
I DON'T BELIEVE IT!
IT CAME!

I DON'T BELIEVE IT!
IT CAME!
IT'S FROM BORIS SPASSKY, THE

IT CAME!
IT'S FROM BORIS SPASSKY, THE
FAMOUS RUSSIAN CHESS PLAYER.

IT'S FROM BORIS SPASSKY, THE
FAMOUS RUSSIAN CHESS PLAYER.
OH, HE'S SMART.

FAMOUS RUSSIAN CHESS PLAYER.
OH, HE'S SMART.
LET ME SEE THAT.

OH, HE'S SMART.
LET ME SEE THAT.
NO! TODD!

LET ME SEE THAT.
NO! TODD!
TODD, COME ON!

NO! TODD!
TODD, COME ON!
IT'S MY LETTER!

TODD, COME ON!
IT'S MY LETTER!
[GROANS]

IT'S MY LETTER!
[GROANS]
YOU NERD!

[GROANS]
YOU NERD!
"DEAR COMRADE FOUR-EYES

YOU NERD!
"DEAR COMRADE FOUR-EYES
LOOPNER.

"DEAR COMRADE FOUR-EYES
LOOPNER.
YOURS WAS THE STUPIDEST LETTER

LOOPNER.
YOURS WAS THE STUPIDEST LETTER
I'VE EVER RECEIVED IN MY LIFE,

YOURS WAS THE STUPIDEST LETTER
I'VE EVER RECEIVED IN MY LIFE,
AND IF YOU REALLY WANT TO LEARN

I'VE EVER RECEIVED IN MY LIFE,
AND IF YOU REALLY WANT TO LEARN
ABOUT CHESS, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY

AND IF YOU REALLY WANT TO LEARN
ABOUT CHESS, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY
ASK THE FUTURE PRESIDENT OF

ABOUT CHESS, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY
ASK THE FUTURE PRESIDENT OF
WALDESHERA HIGH SCHOOL CHESS

ASK THE FUTURE PRESIDENT OF
WALDESHERA HIGH SCHOOL CHESS
CLUB, THE ALWAYS INCREDIBLE,

WALDESHERA HIGH SCHOOL CHESS
CLUB, THE ALWAYS INCREDIBLE,
GREAT TODD DE LA MUCA."

CLUB, THE ALWAYS INCREDIBLE,
GREAT TODD DE LA MUCA."
[LAUGHS]

GREAT TODD DE LA MUCA."
[LAUGHS]
THAT'S SO FUNNY, I FORGOT TO

[LAUGHS]
THAT'S SO FUNNY, I FORGOT TO
LAUGH.

THAT'S SO FUNNY, I FORGOT TO
LAUGH.
"SERIOUSLY YOURS, BORIS

LAUGH.
"SERIOUSLY YOURS, BORIS
SPAZOLAPOLIS SPASSKY."

"SERIOUSLY YOURS, BORIS
SPAZOLAPOLIS SPASSKY."
COME HERE, MOM.

SPAZOLAPOLIS SPASSKY."
COME HERE, MOM.
THIS IS WHAT IT REALLY SAYS.

COME HERE, MOM.
THIS IS WHAT IT REALLY SAYS.
"DEAR MISS LOOPNER,

THIS IS WHAT IT REALLY SAYS.
"DEAR MISS LOOPNER,
CONGRATULATIONS.

"DEAR MISS LOOPNER,
CONGRATULATIONS.
KING'S KNIGHT TO QUEEN'S PAWN

CONGRATULATIONS.
KING'S KNIGHT TO QUEEN'S PAWN
FOUR WAS AN INGENIOUS MOVE.

KING'S KNIGHT TO QUEEN'S PAWN
FOUR WAS AN INGENIOUS MOVE.
YOU SHOULD HAVE NO TROUBLE

FOUR WAS AN INGENIOUS MOVE.
YOU SHOULD HAVE NO TROUBLE
BECOMING PRESIDENT OF YOUR HIGH

YOU SHOULD HAVE NO TROUBLE
BECOMING PRESIDENT OF YOUR HIGH
SCHOOL CHESS CLUB WITH THAT HEAD

BECOMING PRESIDENT OF YOUR HIGH
SCHOOL CHESS CLUB WITH THAT HEAD
ON YOUR SHOULDERS.

SCHOOL CHESS CLUB WITH THAT HEAD
ON YOUR SHOULDERS.
SINCERELY, BORIS SPASSKY."

ON YOUR SHOULDERS.
SINCERELY, BORIS SPASSKY."
OH, HE'S RIGHT ABOUT THAT

SINCERELY, BORIS SPASSKY."
OH, HE'S RIGHT ABOUT THAT
HEAD BUSINESS.

OH, HE'S RIGHT ABOUT THAT
HEAD BUSINESS.
WELL, I'M GONNA BE PRESIDENT

HEAD BUSINESS.
WELL, I'M GONNA BE PRESIDENT
OF THE CHESS CLUB, AND YOU'RE

WELL, I'M GONNA BE PRESIDENT
OF THE CHESS CLUB, AND YOU'RE
GONNA BE PRESIDENT OF THE

OF THE CHESS CLUB, AND YOU'RE
GONNA BE PRESIDENT OF THE
PEPPERONI-PIZZA-FACE CLUB.

GONNA BE PRESIDENT OF THE
PEPPERONI-PIZZA-FACE CLUB.
YOU WANT TO SAY IT INSTEAD OF

PEPPERONI-PIZZA-FACE CLUB.
YOU WANT TO SAY IT INSTEAD OF
SPRAYING IT, YOUNG LADY?

YOU WANT TO SAY IT INSTEAD OF
SPRAYING IT, YOUNG LADY?
[GROANS]

SPRAYING IT, YOUNG LADY?
[GROANS]
NO WAY, ANYWAY...

[GROANS]
NO WAY, ANYWAY...
NOT WITH MY NEW CAMPAIGN SONG.

NO WAY, ANYWAY...
NOT WITH MY NEW CAMPAIGN SONG.
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYS]

NOT WITH MY NEW CAMPAIGN SONG.
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYS]
WHAT'S HE DOING?

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYS]
WHAT'S HE DOING?
♪ CHESS IS THE WORD ♪

WHAT'S HE DOING?
♪ CHESS IS THE WORD ♪
♪ IT'S THE WORD ♪

♪ CHESS IS THE WORD ♪
♪ IT'S THE WORD ♪
♪ THAT YOU HEARD ♪

♪ IT'S THE WORD ♪
♪ THAT YOU HEARD ♪
♪ CHESS HAS MOOD ♪

♪ THAT YOU HEARD ♪
♪ CHESS HAS MOOD ♪
♪ CHESS HAS FEELING ♪

♪ CHESS HAS MOOD ♪
♪ CHESS HAS FEELING ♪
♪ OH ♪

♪ CHESS HAS FEELING ♪
♪ OH ♪
♪ CHESS IS THE TIME ♪

♪ OH ♪
♪ CHESS IS THE TIME ♪
♪ THE PLACE, THE MOTION ♪

♪ CHESS IS THE TIME ♪
♪ THE PLACE, THE MOTION ♪
TODD, YOU KEEP ME SO YOUNG.

♪ THE PLACE, THE MOTION ♪
TODD, YOU KEEP ME SO YOUNG.
[LAUGHS]

TODD, YOU KEEP ME SO YOUNG.
[LAUGHS]
IF IT WAS UP TO ME, THERE WOULD

[LAUGHS]
IF IT WAS UP TO ME, THERE WOULD
BE TWO PRESIDENTS OF THE CHESS

IF IT WAS UP TO ME, THERE WOULD
BE TWO PRESIDENTS OF THE CHESS
CLUB.

BE TWO PRESIDENTS OF THE CHESS
CLUB.
LISA, WILL YOU LET IN THE

CLUB.
LISA, WILL YOU LET IN THE
REFRIGERATOR REPAIRMAN?

LISA, WILL YOU LET IN THE
REFRIGERATOR REPAIRMAN?
I'M GOING OVER TO GRANNY

REFRIGERATOR REPAIRMAN?
I'M GOING OVER TO GRANNY
LOOPNER'S.

I'M GOING OVER TO GRANNY
LOOPNER'S.
OKEYDOKEY, MOM.

LOOPNER'S.
OKEYDOKEY, MOM.
BYE.

OKEYDOKEY, MOM.
BYE.
[DOOR CLOSES]

BYE.
[DOOR CLOSES]
OH, UH, LISA.

[DOOR CLOSES]
OH, UH, LISA.
YEAH?

OH, UH, LISA.
YEAH?
I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP WITH

YEAH?
I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP WITH
MY HISTORY HOMEWORK.

I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP WITH
MY HISTORY HOMEWORK.
WELL, TODD, YOU KNOW IF YOU

MY HISTORY HOMEWORK.
WELL, TODD, YOU KNOW IF YOU
SINCERELY NEED MY HELP, YOU CAN

WELL, TODD, YOU KNOW IF YOU
SINCERELY NEED MY HELP, YOU CAN
COUNT ON IT.

SINCERELY NEED MY HELP, YOU CAN
COUNT ON IT.
OH, GOOD, BECAUSE I'M

COUNT ON IT.
OH, GOOD, BECAUSE I'M
STUDYING ALL ABOUT

OH, GOOD, BECAUSE I'M
STUDYING ALL ABOUT
UNDERDEVELOPED NATIONS!

STUDYING ALL ABOUT
UNDERDEVELOPED NATIONS!
CUT IT OUT!

UNDERDEVELOPED NATIONS!
CUT IT OUT!
STOP IT!

CUT IT OUT!
STOP IT!
UNDERDEVELOPED MUCH?

STOP IT!
UNDERDEVELOPED MUCH?
[LAUGHS]

UNDERDEVELOPED MUCH?
[LAUGHS]
WHY DON'T YOU GO PLAY IN

[LAUGHS]
WHY DON'T YOU GO PLAY IN
TRAFFIC?

WHY DON'T YOU GO PLAY IN
TRAFFIC?
YOU KNOW, THAT'S HYSTERICAL

TRAFFIC?
YOU KNOW, THAT'S HYSTERICAL
THAT YOU SHOULD MENTION TRAFFIC,

YOU KNOW, THAT'S HYSTERICAL
THAT YOU SHOULD MENTION TRAFFIC,
BECAUSE HERE COMES THE NOOGIE

THAT YOU SHOULD MENTION TRAFFIC,
BECAUSE HERE COMES THE NOOGIE
PATROL!

BECAUSE HERE COMES THE NOOGIE
PATROL!
AAH!

PATROL!
AAH!
HERE'S THOSE FALL NOOGIES YOU

AAH!
HERE'S THOSE FALL NOOGIES YOU
ORDERED.

HERE'S THOSE FALL NOOGIES YOU
ORDERED.
THEY FALL, HUH?

ORDERED.
THEY FALL, HUH?
OOH, BLACK AND BLUE ARE GONNA BE

THEY FALL, HUH?
OOH, BLACK AND BLUE ARE GONNA BE
THE BIG COLORS THIS YEAR, MY

OOH, BLACK AND BLUE ARE GONNA BE
THE BIG COLORS THIS YEAR, MY
DEAR.

THE BIG COLORS THIS YEAR, MY
DEAR.
CUT IT OUT, CRATER FACE!

DEAR.
CUT IT OUT, CRATER FACE!
[DOORBELL RINGS]

CUT IT OUT, CRATER FACE!
[DOORBELL RINGS]
WHAT HAPPENED HERE?

[DOORBELL RINGS]
WHAT HAPPENED HERE?
AAH!

WHAT HAPPENED HERE?
AAH!
ABD COOLING SYSTEMS.

AAH!
ABD COOLING SYSTEMS.
OH, YOU MUST BE THE

ABD COOLING SYSTEMS.
OH, YOU MUST BE THE
REFRIGERATOR REPAIRMAN.

OH, YOU MUST BE THE
REFRIGERATOR REPAIRMAN.
YEAH, WHERE IS SHE?

REFRIGERATOR REPAIRMAN.
YEAH, WHERE IS SHE?
OH.

YEAH, WHERE IS SHE?
OH.
[WHISTLES]

OH.
[WHISTLES]
WHAT A BEAUTY.

[WHISTLES]
WHAT A BEAUTY.
AN OLD NORGE.

WHAT A BEAUTY.
AN OLD NORGE.
YOU DON'T SEE MANY OF THESE

AN OLD NORGE.
YOU DON'T SEE MANY OF THESE
BABES ANYMORE.

YOU DON'T SEE MANY OF THESE
BABES ANYMORE.
NO, NOT TOO OFTEN.

BABES ANYMORE.
NO, NOT TOO OFTEN.
NOT TOO OFTEN.

NO, NOT TOO OFTEN.
NOT TOO OFTEN.
YEAH, THAT...

NOT TOO OFTEN.
YEAH, THAT...
THAT'S A RARE SIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

YEAH, THAT...
THAT'S A RARE SIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
WELL, THE POWER'S WORKING

THAT'S A RARE SIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
WELL, THE POWER'S WORKING
OKAY.

WELL, THE POWER'S WORKING
OKAY.
I'M GONNA TURN HER AROUND, SEE

OKAY.
I'M GONNA TURN HER AROUND, SEE
IF I CAN GET A LOOK AT HER.

I'M GONNA TURN HER AROUND, SEE
IF I CAN GET A LOOK AT HER.
YEAH, YOU JUST KEEP...

IF I CAN GET A LOOK AT HER.
YEAH, YOU JUST KEEP...
MAYBE YOU SHOULD LOOK AT HER.

YEAH, YOU JUST KEEP...
MAYBE YOU SHOULD LOOK AT HER.
HEY, TODD, YOU THINK WE

MAYBE YOU SHOULD LOOK AT HER.
HEY, TODD, YOU THINK WE
SHOULD OFFER HIM SOME MINIATURE

HEY, TODD, YOU THINK WE
SHOULD OFFER HIM SOME MINIATURE
MARSHMALLOWS?

SHOULD OFFER HIM SOME MINIATURE
MARSHMALLOWS?
NO, I THINK MAYBE HE MIGHT

MARSHMALLOWS?
NO, I THINK MAYBE HE MIGHT
WANT THE BIG ONES.

NO, I THINK MAYBE HE MIGHT
WANT THE BIG ONES.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

WANT THE BIG ONES.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
TOO BAD YOU'RE NOT STUDYING

I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
TOO BAD YOU'RE NOT STUDYING
OVERDEVELOPED NATIONS.

TOO BAD YOU'RE NOT STUDYING
OVERDEVELOPED NATIONS.
I THINK MAYBE I'LL SWITCH TO

OVERDEVELOPED NATIONS.
I THINK MAYBE I'LL SWITCH TO
MATH AND GO INTO LONG DIVISION.

I THINK MAYBE I'LL SWITCH TO
MATH AND GO INTO LONG DIVISION.
[Laughing] OH, TODD!

MATH AND GO INTO LONG DIVISION.
[Laughing] OH, TODD!
YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS A KID,

[Laughing] OH, TODD!
YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS A KID,
HOMEWORK WASN'T SO MUCH FUN.

YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS A KID,
HOMEWORK WASN'T SO MUCH FUN.
WE'RE JUST LAUGHING AT

HOMEWORK WASN'T SO MUCH FUN.
WE'RE JUST LAUGHING AT
SOMETHING FUNNY THAT HAPPENED

WE'RE JUST LAUGHING AT
SOMETHING FUNNY THAT HAPPENED
ON THE WHIFF.

SOMETHING FUNNY THAT HAPPENED
ON THE WHIFF.
YEAH, THE MOON CAME OUT

ON THE WHIFF.
YEAH, THE MOON CAME OUT
SURPRISINGLY EARLY.

YEAH, THE MOON CAME OUT
SURPRISINGLY EARLY.
OH, TODD!

SURPRISINGLY EARLY.
OH, TODD!
NO WISECRACKS!

OH, TODD!
NO WISECRACKS!
OH, NICE!

NO WISECRACKS!
OH, NICE!
WISECRACKS!

OH, NICE!
WISECRACKS!
I'M BACK, KIDS!

WISECRACKS!
I'M BACK, KIDS!
HI, MOM.

I'M BACK, KIDS!
HI, MOM.
OH, YOU MUST BE THE MAN FROM

HI, MOM.
OH, YOU MUST BE THE MAN FROM
ABD COOLING SYSTEMS.

OH, YOU MUST BE THE MAN FROM
ABD COOLING SYSTEMS.
I'M ENID LOOPNER.

ABD COOLING SYSTEMS.
I'M ENID LOOPNER.
HOW'S THE OLD NORGE?

I'M ENID LOOPNER.
HOW'S THE OLD NORGE?
JUST A SECOND, MA'AM.

HOW'S THE OLD NORGE?
JUST A SECOND, MA'AM.
MY NOSE TELLS ME I'VE GOT

JUST A SECOND, MA'AM.
MY NOSE TELLS ME I'VE GOT
SOME DELICIOUS EGG SALAD OVER

MY NOSE TELLS ME I'VE GOT
SOME DELICIOUS EGG SALAD OVER
HERE ABOUT TO GO BAD.

SOME DELICIOUS EGG SALAD OVER
HERE ABOUT TO GO BAD.
MMM!

HERE ABOUT TO GO BAD.
MMM!
MMM! EGG SALAD'S MY FAVORITE.

MMM!
MMM! EGG SALAD'S MY FAVORITE.
EGG SALAD FOR EVERYONE.

MMM! EGG SALAD'S MY FAVORITE.
EGG SALAD FOR EVERYONE.
YOU KNOW, YOUR FATHER, THE

EGG SALAD FOR EVERYONE.
YOU KNOW, YOUR FATHER, THE
LATE MR. LOOPNER... GOD REST HIS

YOU KNOW, YOUR FATHER, THE
LATE MR. LOOPNER... GOD REST HIS
SOUL... USED TO SAY, "HAPPINESS

LATE MR. LOOPNER... GOD REST HIS
SOUL... USED TO SAY, "HAPPINESS
IS A NORGE FULL OF TANG AND EGG

SOUL... USED TO SAY, "HAPPINESS
IS A NORGE FULL OF TANG AND EGG
SALAD."

IS A NORGE FULL OF TANG AND EGG
SALAD."
[LAUGHS]

SALAD."
[LAUGHS]
SO, DOCTOR, WILL THE PATIENT

[LAUGHS]
SO, DOCTOR, WILL THE PATIENT
LIVE?

SO, DOCTOR, WILL THE PATIENT
LIVE?
I DON'T KNOW.

LIVE?
I DON'T KNOW.
SHE'S GOT A LEAK NEAR THE

I DON'T KNOW.
SHE'S GOT A LEAK NEAR THE
CONDENSER.

SHE'S GOT A LEAK NEAR THE
CONDENSER.
SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH THE

CONDENSER.
SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH THE
FREON COMPRESSOR.

SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH THE
FREON COMPRESSOR.
LOOKS LIKE YOU PROBABLY NEED A

FREON COMPRESSOR.
LOOKS LIKE YOU PROBABLY NEED A
NEW EXPANSION VALVE.

LOOKS LIKE YOU PROBABLY NEED A
NEW EXPANSION VALVE.
YOU KNOW, PARTS ARE HARD TO

NEW EXPANSION VALVE.
YOU KNOW, PARTS ARE HARD TO
FIND, THE OLD NORGE.

YOU KNOW, PARTS ARE HARD TO
FIND, THE OLD NORGE.
I'D BETTER TAKE HER DOWN TO THE

FIND, THE OLD NORGE.
I'D BETTER TAKE HER DOWN TO THE
SHOP.

I'D BETTER TAKE HER DOWN TO THE
SHOP.
OH, LISA.

SHOP.
OH, LISA.
YOU WERE TOO YOUNG TO REMEMBER,

OH, LISA.
YOU WERE TOO YOUNG TO REMEMBER,
BUT THEY TOOK YOUR FATHER AWAY

YOU WERE TOO YOUNG TO REMEMBER,
BUT THEY TOOK YOUR FATHER AWAY
LIKE THAT.

BUT THEY TOOK YOUR FATHER AWAY
LIKE THAT.
AND HE NEVER CAME BACK?

LIKE THAT.
AND HE NEVER CAME BACK?
NO.

AND HE NEVER CAME BACK?
NO.
HE DIED.

NO.
HE DIED.
FIRST DADDY, AND NOW THE

HE DIED.
FIRST DADDY, AND NOW THE
NORGE.

FIRST DADDY, AND NOW THE
NORGE.
JUST WANT TO GET YOUR

NORGE.
JUST WANT TO GET YOUR
SIGNATURE ON THIS THING, MA'AM,

JUST WANT TO GET YOUR
SIGNATURE ON THIS THING, MA'AM,
IF I COULD.

SIGNATURE ON THIS THING, MA'AM,
IF I COULD.
JUST SIGN THAT THERE.

IF I COULD.
JUST SIGN THAT THERE.
I'LL DO MY DARNDEST TO GET THE

JUST SIGN THAT THERE.
I'LL DO MY DARNDEST TO GET THE
OLD NORGE BACK.

I'LL DO MY DARNDEST TO GET THE
OLD NORGE BACK.
I'M SORRY I CAN'T DO ANYTHING

OLD NORGE BACK.
I'M SORRY I CAN'T DO ANYTHING
ABOUT THE LATE MR. LOOPNER.

I'M SORRY I CAN'T DO ANYTHING
ABOUT THE LATE MR. LOOPNER.
GOD REST HIS SOUL.

ABOUT THE LATE MR. LOOPNER.
GOD REST HIS SOUL.
OH, HEY.

GOD REST HIS SOUL.
OH, HEY.
CHEER UP, EVERYBODY.

OH, HEY.
CHEER UP, EVERYBODY.
COME ON. HOLD ON HERE.

CHEER UP, EVERYBODY.
COME ON. HOLD ON HERE.
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYS]

COME ON. HOLD ON HERE.
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYS]
♪ NORGE IS THE FRIDGE ♪

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYS]
♪ NORGE IS THE FRIDGE ♪
♪ IT'S THE FRIDGE THAT YOU HAD ♪

♪ NORGE IS THE FRIDGE ♪
♪ IT'S THE FRIDGE THAT YOU HAD ♪
♪ BUT THERE WILL BE A NEW NORGE

♪ IT'S THE FRIDGE THAT YOU HAD ♪
♪ BUT THERE WILL BE A NEW NORGE
TOMORROW ♪

♪ BUT THERE WILL BE A NEW NORGE
TOMORROW ♪
♪ A NEW NORGE ♪

TOMORROW ♪
♪ A NEW NORGE ♪
♪ A NORGE THAT'S ALL WELL ♪

♪ A NEW NORGE ♪
♪ A NORGE THAT'S ALL WELL ♪
♪ IT'LL BE NICE ♪

♪ A NORGE THAT'S ALL WELL ♪
♪ IT'LL BE NICE ♪
♪ IT'LL MAKE ICE FOR THE TANG OF

♪ IT'LL BE NICE ♪
♪ IT'LL MAKE ICE FOR THE TANG OF
TOMORROW ♪

♪ IT'LL MAKE ICE FOR THE TANG OF
TOMORROW ♪
BYE, NORGE!

TOMORROW ♪
BYE, NORGE!
GOODBYE, OLD NORGE.

BYE, NORGE!
GOODBYE, OLD NORGE.
COME BACK SOON, NORGE.

[Greek accent] ALL RIGHT.
CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER,
CHEESEBURGER!

CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER,
CHEESEBURGER!
[Greek accent]

CHEESEBURGER!
[Greek accent]
CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER,

[Greek accent]
CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER,
CHEESEBURGER.

CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER,
CHEESEBURGER.
NO.

CHEESEBURGER.
NO.
NO FRIES. CHEAP.

NO.
NO FRIES. CHEAP.
CHEAP, CHEAP, CHEAP!

NO FRIES. CHEAP.
CHEAP, CHEAP, CHEAP!
[Greek accent] CHEAP,

CHEAP, CHEAP, CHEAP!
[Greek accent] CHEAP,
CHEAP!

[Greek accent] CHEAP,
CHEAP!
WHAT TO DRINK?

CHEAP!
WHAT TO DRINK?
NO, NO COKE.

WHAT TO DRINK?
NO, NO COKE.
PEPSI.

NO, NO COKE.
PEPSI.
PEPSI, PEPSI, PEPSI!

PEPSI.
PEPSI, PEPSI, PEPSI!
PEPSI, PEPSI, PEPSI!

PEPSI, PEPSI, PEPSI!
PEPSI, PEPSI, PEPSI!
10 MINUTES.

PEPSI, PEPSI, PEPSI!
10 MINUTES.
HEY, SANDY.

10 MINUTES.
HEY, SANDY.
WHY IS EVERYBODY SO SAD AROUND

HEY, SANDY.
WHY IS EVERYBODY SO SAD AROUND
HERE TODAY?

WHY IS EVERYBODY SO SAD AROUND
HERE TODAY?
IT'S PETE.

HERE TODAY?
IT'S PETE.
WHAT HAPPENED?

IT'S PETE.
WHAT HAPPENED?
HE'S COMING BACK TODAY.

WHAT HAPPENED?
HE'S COMING BACK TODAY.
WELL, I THOUGHT HE WAS

HE'S COMING BACK TODAY.
WELL, I THOUGHT HE WAS
SUPPOSED TO BE AWAY ANOTHER

WELL, I THOUGHT HE WAS
SUPPOSED TO BE AWAY ANOTHER
WEEK.

SUPPOSED TO BE AWAY ANOTHER
WEEK.
DID SOMETHING HAPPEN?

WEEK.
DID SOMETHING HAPPEN?
WELL, HE DIDN'T INHERIT TOO

DID SOMETHING HAPPEN?
WELL, HE DIDN'T INHERIT TOO
MUCH MONEY.

WELL, HE DIDN'T INHERIT TOO
MUCH MONEY.
YOU MEAN HE WENT ALL THE WAY

MUCH MONEY.
YOU MEAN HE WENT ALL THE WAY
TO GREECE BECAUSE SOMEBODY DIED?

YOU MEAN HE WENT ALL THE WAY
TO GREECE BECAUSE SOMEBODY DIED?
THAT'S RIGHT.

TO GREECE BECAUSE SOMEBODY DIED?
THAT'S RIGHT.
HIS UNCLE LEFT HIM MONEY, AND IF

THAT'S RIGHT.
HIS UNCLE LEFT HIM MONEY, AND IF
HE WANT TO GET IT, HE HAD TO GO

HIS UNCLE LEFT HIM MONEY, AND IF
HE WANT TO GET IT, HE HAD TO GO
ALL THE WAY TO GREECE.

HE WANT TO GET IT, HE HAD TO GO
ALL THE WAY TO GREECE.
HE DIDN'T WANT TO GO, BUT

ALL THE WAY TO GREECE.
HE DIDN'T WANT TO GO, BUT
EVERYBODY TOLD HIM, "YOU KNOW,

HE DIDN'T WANT TO GO, BUT
EVERYBODY TOLD HIM, "YOU KNOW,
YOU DON'T KNOW.

EVERYBODY TOLD HIM, "YOU KNOW,
YOU DON'T KNOW.
IT COULD BE A LOT OF MONEY."

YOU DON'T KNOW.
IT COULD BE A LOT OF MONEY."
SO HE WENT.

IT COULD BE A LOT OF MONEY."
SO HE WENT.
WELL, HOW MUCH DID HE GET?

SO HE WENT.
WELL, HOW MUCH DID HE GET?
$400... NOT EVEN ENOUGH TO

WELL, HOW MUCH DID HE GET?
$400... NOT EVEN ENOUGH TO
PAY FOR THE PLANE TICKET.

$400... NOT EVEN ENOUGH TO
PAY FOR THE PLANE TICKET.
WELL, HE'LL BE EXCITED WHEN

PAY FOR THE PLANE TICKET.
WELL, HE'LL BE EXCITED WHEN
HE GETS BACK AND SEES HOW YOU

WELL, HE'LL BE EXCITED WHEN
HE GETS BACK AND SEES HOW YOU
FIXED UP THE PLACE.

HE GETS BACK AND SEES HOW YOU
FIXED UP THE PLACE.
THAT'S RIGHT.

FIXED UP THE PLACE.
THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU KNOW, THAT MURAL THERE, THAT

THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU KNOW, THAT MURAL THERE, THAT
WAS NIKO'S IDEA.

YOU KNOW, THAT MURAL THERE, THAT
WAS NIKO'S IDEA.
HE PAINTED IT HIMSELF.

WAS NIKO'S IDEA.
HE PAINTED IT HIMSELF.
OH.

HE PAINTED IT HIMSELF.
OH.
THAT IS PATMOS.

OH.
THAT IS PATMOS.
IT IS THE TOWN WHERE PETER TO GO

THAT IS PATMOS.
IT IS THE TOWN WHERE PETER TO GO
TO GET HIS MONEY.

IT IS THE TOWN WHERE PETER TO GO
TO GET HIS MONEY.
THE ONLY WAY TO GET THERE IS BY

TO GET HIS MONEY.
THE ONLY WAY TO GET THERE IS BY
DONKEY, YOU SEE?

THE ONLY WAY TO GET THERE IS BY
DONKEY, YOU SEE?
HUH. OH.

DONKEY, YOU SEE?
HUH. OH.
YOU DID THAT, NIKO?

HUH. OH.
YOU DID THAT, NIKO?
OH.

YOU DID THAT, NIKO?
OH.
CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER,

OH.
CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER,
CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER.

CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER,
CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER.
FOUR CHIPS, FOUR PEPSI.

CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER.
FOUR CHIPS, FOUR PEPSI.
CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER,

FOUR CHIPS, FOUR PEPSI.
CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER,
CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER.

CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER,
CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER.
FOUR CHIP, FOUR PEPSI.

CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER.
FOUR CHIP, FOUR PEPSI.
OKAY, WHAT TO DRINK?

FOUR CHIP, FOUR PEPSI.
OKAY, WHAT TO DRINK?
I THINK I'LL HAVE A PEPSI.

OKAY, WHAT TO DRINK?
I THINK I'LL HAVE A PEPSI.
PEPSI.

I THINK I'LL HAVE A PEPSI.
PEPSI.
PEPSI.

PEPSI.
PEPSI.
FINISH?

PEPSI.
FINISH?
YEAH.

FINISH?
YEAH.
PEPSI.

YEAH.
PEPSI.
PEPPER?

PEPSI.
PEPPER?
YEAH, JUST A LITTLE.

PEPPER?
YEAH, JUST A LITTLE.
SAY WHEN.

YEAH, JUST A LITTLE.
SAY WHEN.
THAT'S FINE.

SAY WHEN.
THAT'S FINE.
OKAY?

THAT'S FINE.
OKAY?
YEAH.

OKAY?
YEAH.
IT'S OKAY.

YEAH.
IT'S OKAY.
SAY WHEN.

IT'S OKAY.
SAY WHEN.
WHEN.

SAY WHEN.
WHEN.
WHEN?

WHEN.
WHEN?
WHEN.

WHEN?
WHEN.
OKAY.

WHEN.
OKAY.
YEAH.

OKAY.
YEAH.
SAY WHEN.

YEAH.
SAY WHEN.
WHEN.

SAY WHEN.
WHEN.
WHEN?

WHEN.
WHEN?
YES!

WHEN?
YES!
YES?

YES!
YES?
NO!

YES?
NO!
N-NO.

NO!
N-NO.
NO.

N-NO.
NO.
OKAY.

NO.
OKAY.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]

OKAY.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
OLYMPIA.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]
OLYMPIA.
NIKO.

OLYMPIA.
NIKO.
HEY, EVERYBODY!

NIKO.
HEY, EVERYBODY!
THERE'S PETE!

HI, PETE.
HI, PETE.
HI, PETE.

HI, PETE.
HI, PETE.
HOW WAS GREECE?

HI, PETE.
HOW WAS GREECE?
THE PLACE SURE LOOKS DIFFERENT,

HOW WAS GREECE?
THE PLACE SURE LOOKS DIFFERENT,
DOESN'T IT?

THE PLACE SURE LOOKS DIFFERENT,
DOESN'T IT?
LOOK, PETE... RED VEST,

DOESN'T IT?
LOOK, PETE... RED VEST,
JUST LIKE ATHENA GARDENS.

LOOK, PETE... RED VEST,
JUST LIKE ATHENA GARDENS.
AND LOOK AT THIS MURAL OVER

JUST LIKE ATHENA GARDENS.
AND LOOK AT THIS MURAL OVER
HERE.

AND LOOK AT THIS MURAL OVER
HERE.
NIKO DID IT.

HERE.
NIKO DID IT.
OUT!

NIKO DID IT.
OUT!
OUT!

OUT!
OUT!
OUT!

OUT!
OUT!
OUT!

OUT!
OUT!
WE'RE NOT FINISHED EATING!

OUT!
WE'RE NOT FINISHED EATING!
OUT!

WE'RE NOT FINISHED EATING!
OUT!
OUT! OUT! OUT!

OUT!
OUT! OUT! OUT!
BUT I WORK HERE.

OUT! OUT! OUT!
BUT I WORK HERE.
OUT!

BUT I WORK HERE.
OUT!
OUT! OUT!

OUT!
OUT! OUT!
OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT!

OUT! OUT!
OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT!
OUT! OUT! OUT!

OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT!
OUT! OUT! OUT!
[KNOCK ON DOOR]

OUT! OUT! OUT!
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
PETE!

[KNOCK ON DOOR]
PETE!
PETE, SOME GUY'S DRIVING AWAY IN

PETE!
PETE, SOME GUY'S DRIVING AWAY IN
YOUR CAR!

PETE, SOME GUY'S DRIVING AWAY IN
YOUR CAR!
MAYBE WE SHOULD CALL THE POLICE

YOUR CAR!
MAYBE WE SHOULD CALL THE POLICE
OR SOMETHING!

MAYBE WE SHOULD CALL THE POLICE
OR SOMETHING!
OH, PETE.

OR SOMETHING!
OH, PETE.
PETE, DON'T WORRY.

OH, PETE.
PETE, DON'T WORRY.
YOU'LL PROBABLY GET IT BACK.

PETE, DON'T WORRY.
YOU'LL PROBABLY GET IT BACK.
MY WIFE.

YOU'LL PROBABLY GET IT BACK.
MY WIFE.
YOUR WIFE WAS IN THE CAR?

MY WIFE.
YOUR WIFE WAS IN THE CAR?
MM.

YOUR WIFE WAS IN THE CAR?
MM.
I THOUGHT I SAW SOMEBODY

MM.
I THOUGHT I SAW SOMEBODY
SITTING THE BACKSEAT.

I THOUGHT I SAW SOMEBODY
SITTING THE BACKSEAT.
HE PROBABLY DIDN'T SEE HER.

SITTING THE BACKSEAT.
HE PROBABLY DIDN'T SEE HER.
HE JUST SAW THE KEYS AND DROVE

HE PROBABLY DIDN'T SEE HER.
HE JUST SAW THE KEYS AND DROVE
OFF.

HE JUST SAW THE KEYS AND DROVE
OFF.
MY LUGGAGE.

OFF.
MY LUGGAGE.
YOUR LUGGAGE WAS IN THERE,

MY LUGGAGE.
YOUR LUGGAGE WAS IN THERE,
TOO?

YOUR LUGGAGE WAS IN THERE,
TOO?
[SIGHS]

TOO?
[SIGHS]
SANDY, DO YOU THINK IT'D BE

[SIGHS]
SANDY, DO YOU THINK IT'D BE
ALL RIGHT IF I ORDERED SOME FOOD

SANDY, DO YOU THINK IT'D BE
ALL RIGHT IF I ORDERED SOME FOOD
TO GO?

ALL RIGHT IF I ORDERED SOME FOOD
TO GO?
OH.

TO GO?
OH.
TWO CHEESEBURGERS AND TWO

OH.
TWO CHEESEBURGERS AND TWO
PEPSIS.

TWO CHEESEBURGERS AND TWO
PEPSIS.
CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER.

PEPSIS.
CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER.
PEPSI, PEPSI.

CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER.
PEPSI, PEPSI.
CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER.

PEPSI, PEPSI.
CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER.
PEPSI, PEPSI, PEPSI!

Announcer: AND NOW
"WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH THE
"WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM

"WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH THE
"WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM
BROUGHT TO YOU BY GOATEX, THE

"WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM
BROUGHT TO YOU BY GOATEX, THE
SANITARY NAPKIN FOR YOUR NANNY.

BROUGHT TO YOU BY GOATEX, THE
SANITARY NAPKIN FOR YOUR NANNY.
HERE ARE CO-ANCHORPERSONS

SANITARY NAPKIN FOR YOUR NANNY.
HERE ARE CO-ANCHORPERSONS
BILL MURRAY AND JANE CURTIN.

HERE ARE CO-ANCHORPERSONS
BILL MURRAY AND JANE CURTIN.
GOOD EVENING.

BILL MURRAY AND JANE CURTIN.
GOOD EVENING.
I'M JANE CURTIN.

GOOD EVENING.
I'M JANE CURTIN.
AND BEFORE WE START THE NEWS, I

I'M JANE CURTIN.
AND BEFORE WE START THE NEWS, I
WANT TO ANNOUNCE A PERSONNEL

AND BEFORE WE START THE NEWS, I
WANT TO ANNOUNCE A PERSONNEL
CHANGE HERE AT "WEEKEND UPDATE."

WANT TO ANNOUNCE A PERSONNEL
CHANGE HERE AT "WEEKEND UPDATE."
DAN AYKROYD, WHO HAD BEEN MY

CHANGE HERE AT "WEEKEND UPDATE."
DAN AYKROYD, WHO HAD BEEN MY
CO-ANCHORPERSON, HAS BEEN KICKED

DAN AYKROYD, WHO HAD BEEN MY
CO-ANCHORPERSON, HAS BEEN KICKED
UPSTAIRS TO STATION MANAGER.

CO-ANCHORPERSON, HAS BEEN KICKED
UPSTAIRS TO STATION MANAGER.
NEEDLESS TO SAY, WE ALL WISH HIM

UPSTAIRS TO STATION MANAGER.
NEEDLESS TO SAY, WE ALL WISH HIM
LUCK AND SINCERELY HOPE THAT HE

NEEDLESS TO SAY, WE ALL WISH HIM
LUCK AND SINCERELY HOPE THAT HE
DOES A BETTER JOB AS STAGE

LUCK AND SINCERELY HOPE THAT HE
DOES A BETTER JOB AS STAGE
MANAGER THAN HE DID AS

DOES A BETTER JOB AS STAGE
MANAGER THAN HE DID AS
NEWSCASTER.

MANAGER THAN HE DID AS
NEWSCASTER.
BUT I AM HAPPY TO SAY THAT DAN

NEWSCASTER.
BUT I AM HAPPY TO SAY THAT DAN
IS BEING REPLACED BY A MOST

BUT I AM HAPPY TO SAY THAT DAN
IS BEING REPLACED BY A MOST
CAPABLE, HIGHLY RESPECTED

IS BEING REPLACED BY A MOST
CAPABLE, HIGHLY RESPECTED
BROADCAST JOURNALIST WHO WILL

CAPABLE, HIGHLY RESPECTED
BROADCAST JOURNALIST WHO WILL
REPORT THE NEWS WITH CREDIBILITY

BROADCAST JOURNALIST WHO WILL
REPORT THE NEWS WITH CREDIBILITY
AND DIGNITY.

REPORT THE NEWS WITH CREDIBILITY
AND DIGNITY.
PLEASE WELCOME MR. BILL MURRAY.

AND DIGNITY.
PLEASE WELCOME MR. BILL MURRAY.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

PLEASE WELCOME MR. BILL MURRAY.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HELLO, ALL YOU MANIACS.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HELLO, ALL YOU MANIACS.
AND, WELL, THEY GOT ME DOING THE

HELLO, ALL YOU MANIACS.
AND, WELL, THEY GOT ME DOING THE
HARD NEWS THIS YEAR, AND I LOVE

AND, WELL, THEY GOT ME DOING THE
HARD NEWS THIS YEAR, AND I LOVE
IT.

HARD NEWS THIS YEAR, AND I LOVE
IT.
IT'S INCREDIBLE.

IT.
IT'S INCREDIBLE.
I'VE BEEN READING UP ON THINGS

IT'S INCREDIBLE.
I'VE BEEN READING UP ON THINGS
THAT ARE GOING ON.

I'VE BEEN READING UP ON THINGS
THAT ARE GOING ON.
AND I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING.

THAT ARE GOING ON.
AND I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING.
IT'S OPENED UP A WHOLE NEW WORLD

AND I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING.
IT'S OPENED UP A WHOLE NEW WORLD
FOR ME... FASCINATING STUFF.

IT'S OPENED UP A WHOLE NEW WORLD
FOR ME... FASCINATING STUFF.
TAKE OUR TOP STORY FOR TONIGHT,

FOR ME... FASCINATING STUFF.
TAKE OUR TOP STORY FOR TONIGHT,
FOR EXAMPLE.

TAKE OUR TOP STORY FOR TONIGHT,
FOR EXAMPLE.
THERE'S A WAR GOING ON IN

FOR EXAMPLE.
THERE'S A WAR GOING ON IN
BEIRUT, LEBANON.

THERE'S A WAR GOING ON IN
BEIRUT, LEBANON.
700 PEOPLE HAVE BEEN KILLED THIS

BEIRUT, LEBANON.
700 PEOPLE HAVE BEEN KILLED THIS
WEEK.

700 PEOPLE HAVE BEEN KILLED THIS
WEEK.
NOW, AS I UNDERSTAND IT, SYRIA

WEEK.
NOW, AS I UNDERSTAND IT, SYRIA
IS TRYING TO DRAW ISRAEL INTO A

NOW, AS I UNDERSTAND IT, SYRIA
IS TRYING TO DRAW ISRAEL INTO A
WAR SO THAT ISRAEL WON'T SIGN A

IS TRYING TO DRAW ISRAEL INTO A
WAR SO THAT ISRAEL WON'T SIGN A
TREATY WITH EGYPT.

WAR SO THAT ISRAEL WON'T SIGN A
TREATY WITH EGYPT.
NOW, THIS IS INCREDIBLE.

TREATY WITH EGYPT.
NOW, THIS IS INCREDIBLE.
THE JEWS AND THE EGYPTIANS ARE

NOW, THIS IS INCREDIBLE.
THE JEWS AND THE EGYPTIANS ARE
TRYING TO BE GOOD, BUT THE

THE JEWS AND THE EGYPTIANS ARE
TRYING TO BE GOOD, BUT THE
SYRIANS WON'T LET THEM.

TRYING TO BE GOOD, BUT THE
SYRIANS WON'T LET THEM.
I MEAN, WE HAVE NOTHING LIKE

SYRIANS WON'T LET THEM.
I MEAN, WE HAVE NOTHING LIKE
THIS IN SHOW BUSINESS...

I MEAN, WE HAVE NOTHING LIKE
THIS IN SHOW BUSINESS...
I MEAN, YEAH, SOME BACKSTABBING,

THIS IN SHOW BUSINESS...
I MEAN, YEAH, SOME BACKSTABBING,
SURE.

I MEAN, YEAH, SOME BACKSTABBING,
SURE.
BUT, I MEAN, I GET INTO AN

SURE.
BUT, I MEAN, I GET INTO AN
ARGUMENT WITH SOMEBODY, IT GETS

BUT, I MEAN, I GET INTO AN
ARGUMENT WITH SOMEBODY, IT GETS
TO WHERE WE'RE GONNA THROW

ARGUMENT WITH SOMEBODY, IT GETS
TO WHERE WE'RE GONNA THROW
PUNCHES, I TURN AROUND AND WALK

TO WHERE WE'RE GONNA THROW
PUNCHES, I TURN AROUND AND WALK
AWAY, YOU KNOW.

PUNCHES, I TURN AROUND AND WALK
AWAY, YOU KNOW.
BUT THESE PEOPLE ARE USING GUNS,

AWAY, YOU KNOW.
BUT THESE PEOPLE ARE USING GUNS,
THEY'RE USING ARTILLERY, THEY'RE

BUT THESE PEOPLE ARE USING GUNS,
THEY'RE USING ARTILLERY, THEY'RE
DROPPING BOMBS.

THEY'RE USING ARTILLERY, THEY'RE
DROPPING BOMBS.
I MEAN, I GET MAD AT COLUMBIA

DROPPING BOMBS.
I MEAN, I GET MAD AT COLUMBIA
PICTURES, WHAT AM I, GONNA GO

I MEAN, I GET MAD AT COLUMBIA
PICTURES, WHAT AM I, GONNA GO
OVER THERE AND DROP A BOMB ON

PICTURES, WHAT AM I, GONNA GO
OVER THERE AND DROP A BOMB ON
THEM?

OVER THERE AND DROP A BOMB ON
THEM?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT MY NAME WOULD

THEM?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT MY NAME WOULD
BE IN THIS TOWN OR ANY OTHER?

DO YOU KNOW WHAT MY NAME WOULD
BE IN THIS TOWN OR ANY OTHER?
M-U-D-H-I-T, AND I MEAN IT.

BE IN THIS TOWN OR ANY OTHER?
M-U-D-H-I-T, AND I MEAN IT.
ANYWAY, SOMETHING HAS GOT TO BE

M-U-D-H-I-T, AND I MEAN IT.
ANYWAY, SOMETHING HAS GOT TO BE
DONE ABOUT THIS WAR.

ANYWAY, SOMETHING HAS GOT TO BE
DONE ABOUT THIS WAR.
I MEAN, SYRIA IS JUST WAY THE

DONE ABOUT THIS WAR.
I MEAN, SYRIA IS JUST WAY THE
"H" OUT OF LINE ON THIS, I'M

I MEAN, SYRIA IS JUST WAY THE
"H" OUT OF LINE ON THIS, I'M
TELLING YOU.

"H" OUT OF LINE ON THIS, I'M
TELLING YOU.
JANE, IT'S INCREDIBLE.

TELLING YOU.
JANE, IT'S INCREDIBLE.
YOU DO THE HARD NEWS, AND YOU

JANE, IT'S INCREDIBLE.
YOU DO THE HARD NEWS, AND YOU
LEARN A LOT ABOUT PEOPLE.

YOU DO THE HARD NEWS, AND YOU
LEARN A LOT ABOUT PEOPLE.
WOW.

LEARN A LOT ABOUT PEOPLE.
WOW.
OUCH.

WOW.
OUCH.
NOW, HERE'S A STORY.

OUCH.
NOW, HERE'S A STORY.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY IT'S HERE.

NOW, HERE'S A STORY.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY IT'S HERE.
CONGRESS SUSTAINS A VETO ON

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY IT'S HERE.
CONGRESS SUSTAINS A VETO ON
WATER PROJECT.

CONGRESS SUSTAINS A VETO ON
WATER PROJECT.
WHO CARES?

WATER PROJECT.
WHO CARES?
THERE ARE PEOPLE BEING KILLED IN

WHO CARES?
THERE ARE PEOPLE BEING KILLED IN
LEBANON!

THERE ARE PEOPLE BEING KILLED IN
LEBANON!
THE A.M.A., D.E.S., CANCER OF

LEBANON!
THE A.M.A., D.E.S., CANCER OF
THE CERVIX.

THE A.M.A., D.E.S., CANCER OF
THE CERVIX.
I THINK THERE ARE CERTAIN THINGS

THE CERVIX.
I THINK THERE ARE CERTAIN THINGS
THAT SHOULDN'T BE TALKED ABOUT

I THINK THERE ARE CERTAIN THINGS
THAT SHOULDN'T BE TALKED ABOUT
ON TV, AND THIS IS ONE OF THEM.

THAT SHOULDN'T BE TALKED ABOUT
ON TV, AND THIS IS ONE OF THEM.
THE SELECTION PROCESS FOR THE

ON TV, AND THIS IS ONE OF THEM.
THE SELECTION PROCESS FOR THE
POPE... WE DID THIS A MONTH AGO.

THE SELECTION PROCESS FOR THE
POPE... WE DID THIS A MONTH AGO.
JANE, HAVE YOU GOT ANYTHING

POPE... WE DID THIS A MONTH AGO.
JANE, HAVE YOU GOT ANYTHING
INTERESTING OVER THERE, HONEY?

JANE, HAVE YOU GOT ANYTHING
INTERESTING OVER THERE, HONEY?
AS MOST OF YOU AROUND THE

INTERESTING OVER THERE, HONEY?
AS MOST OF YOU AROUND THE
COUNTRY ARE AWARE, WE HERE IN

AS MOST OF YOU AROUND THE
COUNTRY ARE AWARE, WE HERE IN
NEW YORK HAVE BEEN HAVING A

COUNTRY ARE AWARE, WE HERE IN
NEW YORK HAVE BEEN HAVING A
NEWSPAPER STRIKE FOR A COUPLE OF

NEW YORK HAVE BEEN HAVING A
NEWSPAPER STRIKE FOR A COUPLE OF
MONTHS.

NEWSPAPER STRIKE FOR A COUPLE OF
MONTHS.
AND NEW YORKERS HAVE HAD TO RELY

MONTHS.
AND NEW YORKERS HAVE HAD TO RELY
ALMOST SOLELY ON RUMOR FOR THEIR

AND NEW YORKERS HAVE HAD TO RELY
ALMOST SOLELY ON RUMOR FOR THEIR
INFORMATION.

ALMOST SOLELY ON RUMOR FOR THEIR
INFORMATION.
SO FOR YOU NEW YORKERS,

INFORMATION.
SO FOR YOU NEW YORKERS,
"WEEKEND UPDATE" WOULD LIKE TO

SO FOR YOU NEW YORKERS,
"WEEKEND UPDATE" WOULD LIKE TO
CLEAR UP JUST A FEW OF THOSE

"WEEKEND UPDATE" WOULD LIKE TO
CLEAR UP JUST A FEW OF THOSE
RUMORS.

CLEAR UP JUST A FEW OF THOSE
RUMORS.
FIRST OF ALL,

RUMORS.
FIRST OF ALL,
JULIE NIXON EISENHOWER DID NOT

FIRST OF ALL,
JULIE NIXON EISENHOWER DID NOT
BEAR A MONGOLOID BABY.

JULIE NIXON EISENHOWER DID NOT
BEAR A MONGOLOID BABY.
CONVICTED "SON OF SAM" SLAYER

BEAR A MONGOLOID BABY.
CONVICTED "SON OF SAM" SLAYER
DAVID BERKOWITZ IS NOT ENGAGED

CONVICTED "SON OF SAM" SLAYER
DAVID BERKOWITZ IS NOT ENGAGED
TO PHYLLIS GEORGE.

DAVID BERKOWITZ IS NOT ENGAGED
TO PHYLLIS GEORGE.
AND POPE JOHN PAUL I DID NOT

TO PHYLLIS GEORGE.
AND POPE JOHN PAUL I DID NOT
DIE IN HIS SLEEP LAST WEEK, BUT

AND POPE JOHN PAUL I DID NOT
DIE IN HIS SLEEP LAST WEEK, BUT
HE WAS BURIED LAST THURSDAY.

DIE IN HIS SLEEP LAST WEEK, BUT
HE WAS BURIED LAST THURSDAY.
NOW, HERE'S AN INTERESTING

HE WAS BURIED LAST THURSDAY.
NOW, HERE'S AN INTERESTING
STORY.

NOW, HERE'S AN INTERESTING
STORY.
THIS WEEK, THE SENATE VOTED

STORY.
THIS WEEK, THE SENATE VOTED
60 TO 36 TO EXTEND THE PERIOD

THIS WEEK, THE SENATE VOTED
60 TO 36 TO EXTEND THE PERIOD
FOR RATIFICATION OF THE

60 TO 36 TO EXTEND THE PERIOD
FOR RATIFICATION OF THE
EQUAL RIGHTS AMENDMENT TO

FOR RATIFICATION OF THE
EQUAL RIGHTS AMENDMENT TO
JUNE 30, 1982, AND THAT IS THE

EQUAL RIGHTS AMENDMENT TO
JUNE 30, 1982, AND THAT IS THE
SUBJECT OF TONIGHT'S

JUNE 30, 1982, AND THAT IS THE
SUBJECT OF TONIGHT'S
POINT/COUNTERPOINT.

SUBJECT OF TONIGHT'S
POINT/COUNTERPOINT.
BILL, THE ARGUMENT THAT THE

POINT/COUNTERPOINT.
BILL, THE ARGUMENT THAT THE
EXTENSION OF E.R.A. IS

BILL, THE ARGUMENT THAT THE
EXTENSION OF E.R.A. IS
UNCONSTITUTIONAL IS FULL OF THE

EXTENSION OF E.R.A. IS
UNCONSTITUTIONAL IS FULL OF THE
SAME SUBSTANCE THAT YOU ARE FULL

UNCONSTITUTIONAL IS FULL OF THE
SAME SUBSTANCE THAT YOU ARE FULL
OF.

SAME SUBSTANCE THAT YOU ARE FULL
OF.
NOWHERE IN THE CONSTITUTION DOES

OF.
NOWHERE IN THE CONSTITUTION DOES
IT SAY THAT CONGRESS CANNOT

NOWHERE IN THE CONSTITUTION DOES
IT SAY THAT CONGRESS CANNOT
EXTEND THE RATIFICATION PERIOD.

IT SAY THAT CONGRESS CANNOT
EXTEND THE RATIFICATION PERIOD.
YOU PIGS SIMPLY GRAB AT ANY

EXTEND THE RATIFICATION PERIOD.
YOU PIGS SIMPLY GRAB AT ANY
EXCUSE TO KEEP WOMEN IN A

YOU PIGS SIMPLY GRAB AT ANY
EXCUSE TO KEEP WOMEN IN A
SUBSERVIENT ROLE TO BE EXPLOITED

EXCUSE TO KEEP WOMEN IN A
SUBSERVIENT ROLE TO BE EXPLOITED
AS VAPID SEX OBJECTS LIKE THE

SUBSERVIENT ROLE TO BE EXPLOITED
AS VAPID SEX OBJECTS LIKE THE
DALLAS COWBOY CHEERLEADERS.

AS VAPID SEX OBJECTS LIKE THE
DALLAS COWBOY CHEERLEADERS.
E.R.A. NEEDS THE TIME TO CLEAR

DALLAS COWBOY CHEERLEADERS.
E.R.A. NEEDS THE TIME TO CLEAR
UP THE VICIOUS MISCONCEPTIONS

E.R.A. NEEDS THE TIME TO CLEAR
UP THE VICIOUS MISCONCEPTIONS
AND LIES SPREAD BY ITS

UP THE VICIOUS MISCONCEPTIONS
AND LIES SPREAD BY ITS
OPPONENTS.

AND LIES SPREAD BY ITS
OPPONENTS.
E.R.A. WILL NOT MANDATE MILITARY

OPPONENTS.
E.R.A. WILL NOT MANDATE MILITARY
SERVICE FOR WOMEN, UNISEX

E.R.A. WILL NOT MANDATE MILITARY
SERVICE FOR WOMEN, UNISEX
BATHROOMS, AND THE ABOLITION OF

SERVICE FOR WOMEN, UNISEX
BATHROOMS, AND THE ABOLITION OF
ALIMONY, BILL.

BATHROOMS, AND THE ABOLITION OF
ALIMONY, BILL.
PUT THAT IN YOUR JOCKSTRAP AND

ALIMONY, BILL.
PUT THAT IN YOUR JOCKSTRAP AND
SNAP IT, BILL.

PUT THAT IN YOUR JOCKSTRAP AND
SNAP IT, BILL.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

SNAP IT, BILL.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WELL, JANE, YOU KNOW

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WELL, JANE, YOU KNOW
SOMETHING... YOU'VE GOT A POINT

WELL, JANE, YOU KNOW
SOMETHING... YOU'VE GOT A POINT
THERE.

SOMETHING... YOU'VE GOT A POINT
THERE.
I'VE BEEN FLIP-FLOPPING ON THIS

THERE.
I'VE BEEN FLIP-FLOPPING ON THIS
ISSUE ALL ALONG, TO TELL YOU THE

I'VE BEEN FLIP-FLOPPING ON THIS
ISSUE ALL ALONG, TO TELL YOU THE
TRUTH.

ISSUE ALL ALONG, TO TELL YOU THE
TRUTH.
AND AT FIRST, I WAS ALL FOR IT,

TRUTH.
AND AT FIRST, I WAS ALL FOR IT,
BUT THEN SOMEBODY TOLD ME ABOUT

AND AT FIRST, I WAS ALL FOR IT,
BUT THEN SOMEBODY TOLD ME ABOUT
THIS BATHROOM THING, AND

BUT THEN SOMEBODY TOLD ME ABOUT
THIS BATHROOM THING, AND
I... I KNOW FROM EXPERIENCE THAT

THIS BATHROOM THING, AND
I... I KNOW FROM EXPERIENCE THAT
IT CAN TAKE ME UP TO 15 MINUTES

I... I KNOW FROM EXPERIENCE THAT
IT CAN TAKE ME UP TO 15 MINUTES
TO URINATE IF THERE IS A GIRL IN

IT CAN TAKE ME UP TO 15 MINUTES
TO URINATE IF THERE IS A GIRL IN
THE SAME ROOM.

TO URINATE IF THERE IS A GIRL IN
THE SAME ROOM.
SO THEN I WAS AGAINST IT.

THE SAME ROOM.
SO THEN I WAS AGAINST IT.
AND THEN I HEARD THE WOMEN

SO THEN I WAS AGAINST IT.
AND THEN I HEARD THE WOMEN
DIDN'T WANT IT.

AND THEN I HEARD THE WOMEN
DIDN'T WANT IT.
SO I FIGURED IF THE WOMEN DON'T

DIDN'T WANT IT.
SO I FIGURED IF THE WOMEN DON'T
WANT IT, WHY FORCE IT ON THEM?

SO I FIGURED IF THE WOMEN DON'T
WANT IT, WHY FORCE IT ON THEM?
AND NOW, YOU, JANE, YOU KNOW, A

WANT IT, WHY FORCE IT ON THEM?
AND NOW, YOU, JANE, YOU KNOW, A
WOMAN, COMING OUT FOR IT, AND

AND NOW, YOU, JANE, YOU KNOW, A
WOMAN, COMING OUT FOR IT, AND
YOU OBVIOUSLY KNOW WHAT YOU'RE

WOMAN, COMING OUT FOR IT, AND
YOU OBVIOUSLY KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
TALKING ABOUT.

YOU OBVIOUSLY KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
TALKING ABOUT.
I'VE CHANGED MY MIND.

TALKING ABOUT.
I'VE CHANGED MY MIND.
YOU'VE CHANGED ME ALL AROUND.

I'VE CHANGED MY MIND.
YOU'VE CHANGED ME ALL AROUND.
NOW, WHAT SHOULD WE DO ON A

YOU'VE CHANGED ME ALL AROUND.
NOW, WHAT SHOULD WE DO ON A
THING LIKE THIS?

NOW, WHAT SHOULD WE DO ON A
THING LIKE THIS?
I MEAN, DO WE SEND TELEGRAMS?

THING LIKE THIS?
I MEAN, DO WE SEND TELEGRAMS?
OR WHAT DO WE SAY?

I MEAN, DO WE SEND TELEGRAMS?
OR WHAT DO WE SAY?
I MEAN, HEY, STATE LEGISLATORS,

OR WHAT DO WE SAY?
I MEAN, HEY, STATE LEGISLATORS,
GET ON THE BALL.

I MEAN, HEY, STATE LEGISLATORS,
GET ON THE BALL.
OKAY, DAMN IT.

GET ON THE BALL.
OKAY, DAMN IT.
ALL RIGHT, UH...

OKAY, DAMN IT.
ALL RIGHT, UH...
[APPLAUSE]

ALL RIGHT, UH...
[APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU, YEAH.

[APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU, YEAH.
THIS IS GREAT.

THANK YOU, YEAH.
THIS IS GREAT.
WE'RE GETTING SOMETHING DONE

THIS IS GREAT.
WE'RE GETTING SOMETHING DONE
HERE... ALL RIGHT.

WE'RE GETTING SOMETHING DONE
HERE... ALL RIGHT.
A MORNING-AFTER BIRTH CONTROL

HERE... ALL RIGHT.
A MORNING-AFTER BIRTH CONTROL
PILL DEVELOPED AT THE

A MORNING-AFTER BIRTH CONTROL
PILL DEVELOPED AT THE
UNIVERSITY OF FLORIDA HAS PROVED

PILL DEVELOPED AT THE
UNIVERSITY OF FLORIDA HAS PROVED
TO BE 99% EFFECTIVE.

UNIVERSITY OF FLORIDA HAS PROVED
TO BE 99% EFFECTIVE.
HEY, GREAT NEWS.

TO BE 99% EFFECTIVE.
HEY, GREAT NEWS.
ONLY ONE PREGNANCY OCCURRED

HEY, GREAT NEWS.
ONLY ONE PREGNANCY OCCURRED
AMONG 359 WOMEN WHO STARTED THE

ONLY ONE PREGNANCY OCCURRED
AMONG 359 WOMEN WHO STARTED THE
MEDICATION WITHIN 72 HOURS AFTER

AMONG 359 WOMEN WHO STARTED THE
MEDICATION WITHIN 72 HOURS AFTER
UNPROTECTED SEXUAL INTERCOURSE.

MEDICATION WITHIN 72 HOURS AFTER
UNPROTECTED SEXUAL INTERCOURSE.
NOW, IT'S CALLED A

UNPROTECTED SEXUAL INTERCOURSE.
NOW, IT'S CALLED A
POST-OVULATORY INTERCEPTIVE.

NOW, IT'S CALLED A
POST-OVULATORY INTERCEPTIVE.
AND I HAVE A SAMPLE RIGHT

POST-OVULATORY INTERCEPTIVE.
AND I HAVE A SAMPLE RIGHT
HERE... ENOUGH FOR THREE

AND I HAVE A SAMPLE RIGHT
HERE... ENOUGH FOR THREE
INCEPTIONS.

HERE... ENOUGH FOR THREE
INCEPTIONS.
THEY'RE NOT GONNA DO ME ANY

INCEPTIONS.
THEY'RE NOT GONNA DO ME ANY
GOOD.

THEY'RE NOT GONNA DO ME ANY
GOOD.
HERE, JANE, WHOLE YEAR'S SUPPLY

GOOD.
HERE, JANE, WHOLE YEAR'S SUPPLY
FOR YOU.

HERE, JANE, WHOLE YEAR'S SUPPLY
FOR YOU.
HA!

FOR YOU.
HA!
AH, YOU'RE SO TIGHT, AND I GOT

HA!
AH, YOU'RE SO TIGHT, AND I GOT
YOU WITH THAT ONE, JANE.

AH, YOU'RE SO TIGHT, AND I GOT
YOU WITH THAT ONE, JANE.
GREAT!

YOU WITH THAT ONE, JANE.
GREAT!
HERE'S SOME GOOD NEWS... THE

GREAT!
HERE'S SOME GOOD NEWS... THE
WORLD'S SECOND TEST-TUBE BABY

HERE'S SOME GOOD NEWS... THE
WORLD'S SECOND TEST-TUBE BABY
WAS BORN TUESDAY IN CALCUTTA.

WORLD'S SECOND TEST-TUBE BABY
WAS BORN TUESDAY IN CALCUTTA.
DOCTORS THERE PREDICT THAT NOW

WAS BORN TUESDAY IN CALCUTTA.
DOCTORS THERE PREDICT THAT NOW
ALL INDIAN WOMEN, EVEN THOSE

DOCTORS THERE PREDICT THAT NOW
ALL INDIAN WOMEN, EVEN THOSE
STERILIZED BY THE PREVIOUS

ALL INDIAN WOMEN, EVEN THOSE
STERILIZED BY THE PREVIOUS
GOVERNMENT, WILL BE ABLE TO HAVE

STERILIZED BY THE PREVIOUS
GOVERNMENT, WILL BE ABLE TO HAVE
MORE CHILDREN.

GOVERNMENT, WILL BE ABLE TO HAVE
MORE CHILDREN.
AND WHAT'S MORE, THE PROCEDURE

MORE CHILDREN.
AND WHAT'S MORE, THE PROCEDURE
IS SO INEXPENSIVE THAT EVEN THE

AND WHAT'S MORE, THE PROCEDURE
IS SO INEXPENSIVE THAT EVEN THE
POOREST INDIANS CAN AFFORD IT.

IS SO INEXPENSIVE THAT EVEN THE
POOREST INDIANS CAN AFFORD IT.
AS FOR THE SEVEN-POUND,

POOREST INDIANS CAN AFFORD IT.
AS FOR THE SEVEN-POUND,
SIX-OUNCE GIRL, MOTHER AND

AS FOR THE SEVEN-POUND,
SIX-OUNCE GIRL, MOTHER AND
DAUGHTER ARE BOTH STARVING

SIX-OUNCE GIRL, MOTHER AND
DAUGHTER ARE BOTH STARVING
COMFORTABLY.

DAUGHTER ARE BOTH STARVING
COMFORTABLY.
OOH.

COMFORTABLY.
OOH.
IN THE LAST FEW YEARS, DISCOS

OOH.
IN THE LAST FEW YEARS, DISCOS
HAVE BECOME A BIG PART OF THE

IN THE LAST FEW YEARS, DISCOS
HAVE BECOME A BIG PART OF THE
ENTERTAINMENT SCENE.

HAVE BECOME A BIG PART OF THE
ENTERTAINMENT SCENE.
NOW HERE TO FILE HER REPORT ON

ENTERTAINMENT SCENE.
NOW HERE TO FILE HER REPORT ON
ONE OF NEW YORK'S MORE POPULAR

NOW HERE TO FILE HER REPORT ON
ONE OF NEW YORK'S MORE POPULAR
DISCOTHEQUES IS CORRESPONDENT

ONE OF NEW YORK'S MORE POPULAR
DISCOTHEQUES IS CORRESPONDENT
ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA.

DISCOTHEQUES IS CORRESPONDENT
ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANKS A LOT, JANE, THANK

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANKS A LOT, JANE, THANK
YOU.

THANKS A LOT, JANE, THANK
YOU.
A MR. RICHARD FANNER FROM

YOU.
A MR. RICHARD FANNER FROM
FORT LEE, NEW JERSEY, WRITES IN

A MR. RICHARD FANNER FROM
FORT LEE, NEW JERSEY, WRITES IN
AND SAYS, "DEAR

FORT LEE, NEW JERSEY, WRITES IN
AND SAYS, "DEAR
ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, TELL ME

AND SAYS, "DEAR
ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, TELL ME
ABOUT STUDIO 54.

ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, TELL ME
ABOUT STUDIO 54.
WHY IS IT SO HARD TO GET IN?

ABOUT STUDIO 54.
WHY IS IT SO HARD TO GET IN?
CAN I GET IN?

WHY IS IT SO HARD TO GET IN?
CAN I GET IN?
DO I GOT TO HAVE A TICKET TO GET

CAN I GET IN?
DO I GOT TO HAVE A TICKET TO GET
IN?

DO I GOT TO HAVE A TICKET TO GET
IN?
DO I GOT TO KNOW SOMEONE TO GET

IN?
DO I GOT TO KNOW SOMEONE TO GET
IN?

DO I GOT TO KNOW SOMEONE TO GET
IN?
DO I GOT TO BE FAMOUS TO GET IN?

IN?
DO I GOT TO BE FAMOUS TO GET IN?
WHAT'S IT LIKE WHEN I DO GET IN?

DO I GOT TO BE FAMOUS TO GET IN?
WHAT'S IT LIKE WHEN I DO GET IN?
AND IF I DO GET IN, IS IT REAL

WHAT'S IT LIKE WHEN I DO GET IN?
AND IF I DO GET IN, IS IT REAL
HARD TO GET OUT?"

AND IF I DO GET IN, IS IT REAL
HARD TO GET OUT?"
MR. FANNER, YOU SURE ASK A LOT

HARD TO GET OUT?"
MR. FANNER, YOU SURE ASK A LOT
OF QUESTIONS FOR SOMEONE FROM

MR. FANNER, YOU SURE ASK A LOT
OF QUESTIONS FOR SOMEONE FROM
NEW JERSEY.

OF QUESTIONS FOR SOMEONE FROM
NEW JERSEY.
BUT YOU WROTE TO THE RIGHT LADY

NEW JERSEY.
BUT YOU WROTE TO THE RIGHT LADY
'CAUSE LAST NIGHT, I,

BUT YOU WROTE TO THE RIGHT LADY
'CAUSE LAST NIGHT, I,
ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, WENT TO

'CAUSE LAST NIGHT, I,
ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, WENT TO
STUDIO 54 'CAUSE I LOVE TO

ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, WENT TO
STUDIO 54 'CAUSE I LOVE TO
DANCE.

STUDIO 54 'CAUSE I LOVE TO
DANCE.
I DON'T WANT TO BRAG, BUT I,

DANCE.
I DON'T WANT TO BRAG, BUT I,
ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, CAN

I DON'T WANT TO BRAG, BUT I,
ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, CAN
REALLY SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE,

ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, CAN
REALLY SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE,
SHAKE MY BOOTIES.

REALLY SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE,
SHAKE MY BOOTIES.
AND BESIDES, I WANTED TO SEE HOW

SHAKE MY BOOTIES.
AND BESIDES, I WANTED TO SEE HOW
THE "BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE" GET

AND BESIDES, I WANTED TO SEE HOW
THE "BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE" GET
CRAZY.

THE "BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE" GET
CRAZY.
SO I GO IN, AND WHO DO I SEE

CRAZY.
SO I GO IN, AND WHO DO I SEE
FIRST BUT THAT FANCY DESIGNER

SO I GO IN, AND WHO DO I SEE
FIRST BUT THAT FANCY DESIGNER
MR. HALSTON?

FIRST BUT THAT FANCY DESIGNER
MR. HALSTON?
AND HE LOOKED SO DEPRESSED, I

MR. HALSTON?
AND HE LOOKED SO DEPRESSED, I
THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA DIE.

AND HE LOOKED SO DEPRESSED, I
THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA DIE.
AND THEN I NOTICED THAT HE

THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA DIE.
AND THEN I NOTICED THAT HE
WASN'T WEARING SENSIBLE SHOES.

AND THEN I NOTICED THAT HE
WASN'T WEARING SENSIBLE SHOES.
HE WAS DANCING IN THESE TIGHT,

WASN'T WEARING SENSIBLE SHOES.
HE WAS DANCING IN THESE TIGHT,
BLACK, SLEAZY, ANKLE-HIGH

HE WAS DANCING IN THESE TIGHT,
BLACK, SLEAZY, ANKLE-HIGH
BOOTS... THE KIND YOU IMAGINE

BLACK, SLEAZY, ANKLE-HIGH
BOOTS... THE KIND YOU IMAGINE
THAT FRANKIE VALLI WEARS.

BOOTS... THE KIND YOU IMAGINE
THAT FRANKIE VALLI WEARS.
WELL, ANYWAYS, HALSTON SHOWS ME

THAT FRANKIE VALLI WEARS.
WELL, ANYWAYS, HALSTON SHOWS ME
THAT THE INSIDE OF HIS SHOE

WELL, ANYWAYS, HALSTON SHOWS ME
THAT THE INSIDE OF HIS SHOE
SCRAPED AGAINST THE HEEL OF HIS

THAT THE INSIDE OF HIS SHOE
SCRAPED AGAINST THE HEEL OF HIS
FOOT, AND HE GOT A BIG BLISTER.

SCRAPED AGAINST THE HEEL OF HIS
FOOT, AND HE GOT A BIG BLISTER.
AND THE BLISTER BROKE, SO HE

FOOT, AND HE GOT A BIG BLISTER.
AND THE BLISTER BROKE, SO HE
PUTS A BAND-AID ON IT.

AND THE BLISTER BROKE, SO HE
PUTS A BAND-AID ON IT.
WELL, THEN THE SHOE STARTS

PUTS A BAND-AID ON IT.
WELL, THEN THE SHOE STARTS
RUBBING AGAINST THE BAND-AID,

WELL, THEN THE SHOE STARTS
RUBBING AGAINST THE BAND-AID,
YOU KNOW.

RUBBING AGAINST THE BAND-AID,
YOU KNOW.
AND THEN THE BAND-AID GETS ALL

YOU KNOW.
AND THEN THE BAND-AID GETS ALL
CURLED UP, AND IT GETS THIS

AND THEN THE BAND-AID GETS ALL
CURLED UP, AND IT GETS THIS
LIQUID STUFF ON IT.

CURLED UP, AND IT GETS THIS
LIQUID STUFF ON IT.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.

LIQUID STUFF ON IT.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.
I MEAN, THAT GUY MAY BE ONE OF

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.
I MEAN, THAT GUY MAY BE ONE OF
THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE, BUT HIS

I MEAN, THAT GUY MAY BE ONE OF
THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE, BUT HIS
FOOT MADE ME SICK.

THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE, BUT HIS
FOOT MADE ME SICK.
[LAUGHTER]

FOOT MADE ME SICK.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]

I-IS THAT ALL?
IS THAT ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY
ABOUT THE PLACE?

IS THAT ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY
ABOUT THE PLACE?
ISN'T THERE ANYTHING ELSE?

ABOUT THE PLACE?
ISN'T THERE ANYTHING ELSE?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

ISN'T THERE ANYTHING ELSE?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
[LAUGHS]

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
[LAUGHS]
I MEAN, DO THEY SERVE FOOD?

[LAUGHS]
I MEAN, DO THEY SERVE FOOD?
IS THERE A BAND?

I MEAN, DO THEY SERVE FOOD?
IS THERE A BAND?
WHAT'S THE SOUND SYSTEM LIKE?

IS THERE A BAND?
WHAT'S THE SOUND SYSTEM LIKE?
ARE THERE BLACK LIGHTS?

WHAT'S THE SOUND SYSTEM LIKE?
ARE THERE BLACK LIGHTS?
IS THERE A BAR?

ARE THERE BLACK LIGHTS?
IS THERE A BAR?
IS IT IN A GOOD NEIGHBORHOOD?

IS THERE A BAR?
IS IT IN A GOOD NEIGHBORHOOD?
DO YOU HAVE TO KNOW SOMEBODY TO

IS IT IN A GOOD NEIGHBORHOOD?
DO YOU HAVE TO KNOW SOMEBODY TO
GET IN?

DO YOU HAVE TO KNOW SOMEBODY TO
GET IN?
IS IT EVERYTHING THAT IT'S

GET IN?
IS IT EVERYTHING THAT IT'S
CRACKED UP TO BE, YOU KNOW?

IS IT EVERYTHING THAT IT'S
CRACKED UP TO BE, YOU KNOW?
♪ YOU'RE A NATIVE

CRACKED UP TO BE, YOU KNOW?
♪ YOU'RE A NATIVE
NEW YORKER ♪

♪ YOU'RE A NATIVE
NEW YORKER ♪
R-ROSEANNE, ROSEANNE,

NEW YORKER ♪
R-ROSEANNE, ROSEANNE,
ROSEANNE, ROSEANNE, STUDIO 54 IS

R-ROSEANNE, ROSEANNE,
ROSEANNE, ROSEANNE, STUDIO 54 IS
SUPPOSED TO BE VERY CHIC AND

ROSEANNE, ROSEANNE, STUDIO 54 IS
SUPPOSED TO BE VERY CHIC AND
GLAMOROUS.

SUPPOSED TO BE VERY CHIC AND
GLAMOROUS.
EVERYBODY WANTS TO KNOW ABOUT

GLAMOROUS.
EVERYBODY WANTS TO KNOW ABOUT
IT.

EVERYBODY WANTS TO KNOW ABOUT
IT.
WHAT'S IT LIKE IN THERE?

IT.
WHAT'S IT LIKE IN THERE?
WELL, JANE, JUST BETWEEN YOU

WHAT'S IT LIKE IN THERE?
WELL, JANE, JUST BETWEEN YOU
AND ME, IT'S CRAZY NUTS.

WELL, JANE, JUST BETWEEN YOU
AND ME, IT'S CRAZY NUTS.
THEY GOT GUYS DANCING WITH GUYS,

AND ME, IT'S CRAZY NUTS.
THEY GOT GUYS DANCING WITH GUYS,
GIRLS DANCING WITH GIRLS, GUYS

THEY GOT GUYS DANCING WITH GUYS,
GIRLS DANCING WITH GIRLS, GUYS
WHO LOOK LIKE GIRLS DANCING WITH

GIRLS DANCING WITH GIRLS, GUYS
WHO LOOK LIKE GIRLS DANCING WITH
GIRLS WHO LOOK LIKE GUYS, GIRLS

WHO LOOK LIKE GIRLS DANCING WITH
GIRLS WHO LOOK LIKE GUYS, GIRLS
WHO LOOK LIKE DOGS DANCING WITH

GIRLS WHO LOOK LIKE GUYS, GIRLS
WHO LOOK LIKE DOGS DANCING WITH
THEMSELVES, GUYS WHO LOOK LIKE

WHO LOOK LIKE DOGS DANCING WITH
THEMSELVES, GUYS WHO LOOK LIKE
DOGS DANCING WITH DOGS.

THEMSELVES, GUYS WHO LOOK LIKE
DOGS DANCING WITH DOGS.
IT'S JUST LIKE MY FATHER ALWAYS

DOGS DANCING WITH DOGS.
IT'S JUST LIKE MY FATHER ALWAYS
USED TO SAY TO ME BEFORE I WENT

IT'S JUST LIKE MY FATHER ALWAYS
USED TO SAY TO ME BEFORE I WENT
TO BED.

USED TO SAY TO ME BEFORE I WENT
TO BED.
HE'D SAY,

TO BED.
HE'D SAY,
"ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA,

HE'D SAY,
"ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA,
STUDIO 54 IS JUST LIKE JANE'S

"ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA,
STUDIO 54 IS JUST LIKE JANE'S
EAR.

STUDIO 54 IS JUST LIKE JANE'S
EAR.
FROM THE OUTSIDE, IT'S KIND OF

EAR.
FROM THE OUTSIDE, IT'S KIND OF
PRETTY AND COULD BE VERY

FROM THE OUTSIDE, IT'S KIND OF
PRETTY AND COULD BE VERY
GLAMOROUS WITH JEWELRY AND

PRETTY AND COULD BE VERY
GLAMOROUS WITH JEWELRY AND
DIAMONDS AND GLITTER AND VERY

GLAMOROUS WITH JEWELRY AND
DIAMONDS AND GLITTER AND VERY
ATTRACTIVE AND VERY NICE AND

DIAMONDS AND GLITTER AND VERY
ATTRACTIVE AND VERY NICE AND
EVERYTHING LIKE.

ATTRACTIVE AND VERY NICE AND
EVERYTHING LIKE.
BUT ON THE INSIDE, IT'S REAL

EVERYTHING LIKE.
BUT ON THE INSIDE, IT'S REAL
DARK, AND IT'S GOT SOME WEIRD

BUT ON THE INSIDE, IT'S REAL
DARK, AND IT'S GOT SOME WEIRD
STUFF IN THERE.

DARK, AND IT'S GOT SOME WEIRD
STUFF IN THERE.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.

STUFF IN THERE.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.
GOOD NIGHT, MY LITTLE

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.
GOOD NIGHT, MY LITTLE
ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA."

GOOD NIGHT, MY LITTLE
ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA."
THAT'S THE NEWS.

ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA."
THAT'S THE NEWS.
GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT

THAT'S THE NEWS.
GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT
TOMORROW.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE
ROLLING STONES.
["BEAST OF BURDEN" PLAYS]

♪ I'LL NEVER BE
YOUR BEAST OF BURDEN ♪
♪ I WALKED FOR MILES ♪

YOUR BEAST OF BURDEN ♪
♪ I WALKED FOR MILES ♪
♪ MY FEET HURT ♪

♪ I WALKED FOR MILES ♪
♪ MY FEET HURT ♪
♪ ALL I WANT IS YOU TO MAKE

♪ MY FEET HURT ♪
♪ ALL I WANT IS YOU TO MAKE
LOVE TO ME ♪

♪ I DON'T WANT NO BEAST OF
BURDEN ♪
♪ DON'T NEED NO FUSSING ♪

BURDEN ♪
♪ DON'T NEED NO FUSSING ♪
♪ DON'T NEED NO CURSING ♪

♪ DON'T NEED NO FUSSING ♪
♪ DON'T NEED NO CURSING ♪
♪ ALL I WANT IS YOU TO MAKE LOVE

♪ DON'T NEED NO CURSING ♪
♪ ALL I WANT IS YOU TO MAKE LOVE
TO ME ♪

♪ ALL I WANT IS YOU TO MAKE LOVE
TO ME ♪
♪ AM I HARD ENOUGH? ♪

TO ME ♪
♪ AM I HARD ENOUGH? ♪
♪ AM I TOUGH ENOUGH? ♪

♪ AM I HARD ENOUGH? ♪
♪ AM I TOUGH ENOUGH? ♪
♪ AM I RICH ENOUGH? ♪

♪ AM I TOUGH ENOUGH? ♪
♪ AM I RICH ENOUGH? ♪
♪ I'M NOT TOO BLIND TO SEE ♪

♪ AM I RICH ENOUGH? ♪
♪ I'M NOT TOO BLIND TO SEE ♪
♪ I DON'T WANT NO BEAST OF

♪ I'M NOT TOO BLIND TO SEE ♪
♪ I DON'T WANT NO BEAST OF
BURDEN ♪

♪ I DON'T WANT NO BEAST OF
BURDEN ♪
♪ DON'T NEED YOUR FUSSING ♪

BURDEN ♪
♪ DON'T NEED YOUR FUSSING ♪
♪ DON'T NEED YOUR CURSING ♪

♪ DON'T NEED YOUR FUSSING ♪
♪ DON'T NEED YOUR CURSING ♪
♪ ALL I WANT IS YOU TO MAKE LOVE

♪ DON'T NEED YOUR CURSING ♪
♪ ALL I WANT IS YOU TO MAKE LOVE
TO ME ♪

♪ ALL I WANT IS YOU TO MAKE LOVE
TO ME ♪
♪ I'LL TELL YOU ♪

TO ME ♪
♪ I'LL TELL YOU ♪
♪ I DON'T WANT NO BEAST OF

♪ I'LL TELL YOU ♪
♪ I DON'T WANT NO BEAST OF
BURDEN ♪

♪ I DON'T WANT NO BEAST OF
BURDEN ♪
♪ LET'S GO HOME AND DRAW THE

BURDEN ♪
♪ LET'S GO HOME AND DRAW THE
CURTAINS ♪

♪ LET'S GO HOME AND DRAW THE
CURTAINS ♪
♪ SOME MUSIC ON THE RADIO ♪

CURTAINS ♪
♪ SOME MUSIC ON THE RADIO ♪
♪ COME ON, BABY, PLEASE ♪

♪ SOME MUSIC ON THE RADIO ♪
♪ COME ON, BABY, PLEASE ♪
♪ AM I HARD ENOUGH? ♪

♪ COME ON, BABY, PLEASE ♪
♪ AM I HARD ENOUGH? ♪
♪ AM I ROUGH ENOUGH? ♪

♪ AM I HARD ENOUGH? ♪
♪ AM I ROUGH ENOUGH? ♪
♪ AM I RICH ENOUGH? ♪

♪ AM I ROUGH ENOUGH? ♪
♪ AM I RICH ENOUGH? ♪
♪ I'M NOT TOO BLIND TO SEE ♪

♪ AM I RICH ENOUGH? ♪
♪ I'M NOT TOO BLIND TO SEE ♪
♪ I... IT'S A ♪

♪ I'M NOT TOO BLIND TO SEE ♪
♪ I... IT'S A ♪
[GUITAR SOLO]

YOU SAY IT.
♪ PRETTY, PRETTY, PRETTY,
PRETTY ♪

♪ PRETTY, PRETTY, PRETTY,
PRETTY ♪
♪ SUCH A PRETTY GIRL ♪

PRETTY ♪
♪ SUCH A PRETTY GIRL ♪
♪ PRETTY, PRETTY, PRETTY ♪

♪ SUCH A PRETTY GIRL ♪
♪ PRETTY, PRETTY, PRETTY ♪
♪ SUCH A PRETTY GIRL ♪

♪ PRETTY, PRETTY, PRETTY ♪
♪ SUCH A PRETTY GIRL ♪
♪ OH, COME ON, BABY, PLEASE ♪

♪ SUCH A PRETTY GIRL ♪
♪ OH, COME ON, BABY, PLEASE ♪
♪ I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING ♪

♪ OH, COME ON, BABY, PLEASE ♪
♪ I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING ♪
♪ YOU CAN PUT ME OUT ♪

♪ I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING ♪
♪ YOU CAN PUT ME OUT ♪
♪ ON THE STREET ♪

♪ YOU CAN PUT ME OUT ♪
♪ ON THE STREET ♪
♪ PUT ME OUT ♪

♪ ON THE STREET ♪
♪ PUT ME OUT ♪
♪ WITH NO SHOES ON MY FEET ♪

♪ PUT ME OUT ♪
♪ WITH NO SHOES ON MY FEET ♪
♪ PUT ME OUT, PUT ME OUT, PUT ME

♪ WITH NO SHOES ON MY FEET ♪
♪ PUT ME OUT, PUT ME OUT, PUT ME
OUT OF MISERY ♪

♪ ALL YOUR AFFECTION ♪
♪ I SUCK IT UP ♪
♪ THROW IT ALL AT ME ♪

♪ I SUCK IT UP ♪
♪ THROW IT ALL AT ME ♪
♪ I SHRUG IT OFF ♪

♪ THROW IT ALL AT ME ♪
♪ I SHRUG IT OFF ♪
♪ THERE'S ONE THING, BABY ♪

♪ I SHRUG IT OFF ♪
♪ THERE'S ONE THING, BABY ♪
♪ I CAN'T UNDERSTAND ♪

♪ THERE'S ONE THING, BABY ♪
♪ I CAN'T UNDERSTAND ♪
♪ YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME ♪

♪ I CAN'T UNDERSTAND ♪
♪ YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME ♪
♪ I AIN'T YOUR KIND OF MAN ♪

♪ YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME ♪
♪ I AIN'T YOUR KIND OF MAN ♪
♪ AIN'T I ROUGH ENOUGH? ♪

♪ I AIN'T YOUR KIND OF MAN ♪
♪ AIN'T I ROUGH ENOUGH? ♪
♪ AIN'T I ROUGH ENOUGH? ♪

♪ AIN'T I ROUGH ENOUGH? ♪
♪ AIN'T I ROUGH ENOUGH? ♪
♪ AIN'T I RICH ENOUGH? ♪

♪ AIN'T I ROUGH ENOUGH? ♪
♪ AIN'T I RICH ENOUGH? ♪
♪ IN LOVE ENOUGH? ♪

♪ AIN'T I RICH ENOUGH? ♪
♪ IN LOVE ENOUGH? ♪
♪ COME ON, TELL ME, BABY ♪

♪ IN LOVE ENOUGH? ♪
♪ COME ON, TELL ME, BABY ♪
♪ I DON'T WANT NO BEAST OF

♪ COME ON, TELL ME, BABY ♪
♪ I DON'T WANT NO BEAST OF
BURDEN ♪

♪ I DON'T WANT NO BEAST OF
BURDEN ♪
♪ I WALKED FOR MILES ♪

BURDEN ♪
♪ I WALKED FOR MILES ♪
♪ MY FEET ARE HURTING ♪

♪ I WALKED FOR MILES ♪
♪ MY FEET ARE HURTING ♪
♪ I'LL NEVER ♪

♪ MY FEET ARE HURTING ♪
♪ I'LL NEVER ♪
♪ NEVER ♪

♪ I'LL NEVER ♪
♪ NEVER ♪
♪ NEVER ♪

♪ NEVER ♪
♪ NEVER ♪
♪ NEVER ♪

♪ NEVER ♪
♪ NEVER ♪
♪ NEVER, NEVER EVER BE ♪

♪ I WON'T BE YOUR BEAST OF
BURDEN ♪
♪ DON'T NEED NO FUSSING ♪

BURDEN ♪
♪ DON'T NEED NO FUSSING ♪
♪ DON'T NEED NO NURSING ♪

♪ DON'T NEED NO FUSSING ♪
♪ DON'T NEED NO NURSING ♪
♪ I'LL NEVER ♪

♪ DON'T NEED NO NURSING ♪
♪ I'LL NEVER ♪
♪ NEVER ♪

♪ I'LL NEVER ♪
♪ NEVER ♪
♪ NEVER ♪

♪ NEVER ♪
♪ NEVER ♪
♪ NEVER ♪

♪ NEVER ♪
♪ NEVER ♪
♪ NEVER, NEVER, NEVER BE ♪

♪ NEVER ♪
♪ NEVER, NEVER, NEVER BE ♪
♪ AH, SHOULD I? ♪

♪ NEVER, NEVER, NEVER BE ♪
♪ AH, SHOULD I? ♪
[GUITAR SOLO]

♪ NEVER ♪
♪ NEVER ♪
♪ NEVER ♪

♪ NEVER ♪
♪ NEVER ♪
♪ NEVER ♪

♪ NEVER ♪
♪ NEVER ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
WHOA, MY BABY.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
WHOA, MY BABY.
YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE.

WHOA, MY BABY.
YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE.
["RESPECTABLE" PLAYS]

♪ WELL, NOW YOU'RE RESPECTED IN
SOCIETY ♪
♪ YOU DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE

SOCIETY ♪
♪ YOU DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE
THINGS THAT YOU USED TO BE ♪

♪ YOU DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE
THINGS THAT YOU USED TO BE ♪
♪ YOU'RE TALKING HEROIN WITH THE

THINGS THAT YOU USED TO BE ♪
♪ YOU'RE TALKING HEROIN WITH THE
PRESIDENT ♪

♪ YOU'RE TALKING HEROIN WITH THE
PRESIDENT ♪
♪ "YES, IT'S A PROBLEM, SIR, BUT

PRESIDENT ♪
♪ "YES, IT'S A PROBLEM, SIR, BUT
IT CAN'T BE BENT" ♪

♪ WELL, NOW YOU'RE THE PILLAR OF
SOCIETY ♪
♪ YOU WORRY ABOUT THE THINGS

SOCIETY ♪
♪ YOU WORRY ABOUT THE THINGS
THAT YOU USED TO BE ♪

♪ YOU WORRY ABOUT THE THINGS
THAT YOU USED TO BE ♪
♪ YOU'RE A RAG-TRADE GIRL, THE

THAT YOU USED TO BE ♪
♪ YOU'RE A RAG-TRADE GIRL, THE
QUEEN OF PORN ♪

♪ YOU'RE A RAG-TRADE GIRL, THE
QUEEN OF PORN ♪
♪ YOU'RE THE EASIEST LAY ON THE

QUEEN OF PORN ♪
♪ YOU'RE THE EASIEST LAY ON THE
WHITE HOUSE LAWN ♪

♪ YOU'RE THE EASIEST LAY ON THE
WHITE HOUSE LAWN ♪
♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪

WHITE HOUSE LAWN ♪
♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪
♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪

♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪
♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪
♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪

♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪
♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪
♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪

♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪
♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪
♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪

♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪
♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪
♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪

♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪
♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪
♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪

♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪
♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪
♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪

♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪
♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪
♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪

♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪
♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪
♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪

♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪
♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪
♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪

♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪
♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪
♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪

♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪
♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪
♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪

♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪
♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪
♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪

♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪
♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪
♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪

♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪
♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪
[GUITAR SOLO]

♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪
♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪
♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪

♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪
♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪
♪ YEAH, SO RESPECTABLE ♪

♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪
♪ YEAH, SO RESPECTABLE ♪
♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪

♪ YEAH, SO RESPECTABLE ♪
♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪
♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪

♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪
♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪
♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪

♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪
♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪
♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪

♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪
♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪
♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪

♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪
♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪
♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪

♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪
♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪
[GUITAR SOLO]

♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪
♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪
♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪

♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪
♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪
♪ AH, YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪

♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪
♪ AH, YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪
♪ NOW GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪

♪ AH, YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪
♪ NOW GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪
♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪

♪ NOW GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪
♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪
♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪

♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪
♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪
♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪

♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪
♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪
♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪

♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪
♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪
♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪

♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪
♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪
♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪

♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪
♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪
♪ DON'T DROP MY WIFE ♪

♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪
♪ DON'T DROP MY WIFE ♪
♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪

[CHEER AND APPLAUSE]

["SHATTERED" PLAYS]

♪ UNH, SHATTERED ♪
♪ SHATTERED ♪
♪ STILL SURVIVING ON THE

♪ SHATTERED ♪
♪ STILL SURVIVING ON THE
STREETS ♪

♪ STILL SURVIVING ON THE
STREETS ♪
♪ LOOK AT ME ♪

STREETS ♪
♪ LOOK AT ME ♪
♪ I'M IN TATTERS ♪

♪ LOOK AT ME ♪
♪ I'M IN TATTERS ♪
♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪

♪ I'M IN TATTERS ♪
♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪
♪ FRIENDS ARE SO ALARMING ♪

♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪
♪ FRIENDS ARE SO ALARMING ♪
♪ AND MY LOVER'S NEVER

♪ FRIENDS ARE SO ALARMING ♪
♪ AND MY LOVER'S NEVER
CHARMING ♪

♪ AND MY LOVER'S NEVER
CHARMING ♪
♪ LIFE'S JUST A COCKTAIL PARTY

CHARMING ♪
♪ LIFE'S JUST A COCKTAIL PARTY
ON THE STREET ♪

♪ LIFE'S JUST A COCKTAIL PARTY
ON THE STREET ♪
♪ BIG APPLE ♪

ON THE STREET ♪
♪ BIG APPLE ♪
♪ PEOPLE DRESSED IN PLASTIC

♪ BIG APPLE ♪
♪ PEOPLE DRESSED IN PLASTIC
BAGS ♪

♪ PEOPLE DRESSED IN PLASTIC
BAGS ♪
♪ DIRECTING TRAFFIC ♪

BAGS ♪
♪ DIRECTING TRAFFIC ♪
♪ SOME KIND OF FASHION ♪

♪ DIRECTING TRAFFIC ♪
♪ SOME KIND OF FASHION ♪
♪ LAUGHTER, JOY, AND

♪ SOME KIND OF FASHION ♪
♪ LAUGHTER, JOY, AND
LONELINESS ♪

♪ LAUGHTER, JOY, AND
LONELINESS ♪
♪ AND SEX AND SEX AND SEX AND

LONELINESS ♪
♪ AND SEX AND SEX AND SEX AND
SEX ♪

♪ AND SEX AND SEX AND SEX AND
SEX ♪
♪ LOOK AT ME ♪

SEX ♪
♪ LOOK AT ME ♪
♪ I'M IN TATTERS ♪

♪ LOOK AT ME ♪
♪ I'M IN TATTERS ♪
♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪

♪ I'M IN TATTERS ♪
♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪
♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪

♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪
♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪
♪ SHATTERED ♪

♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪
♪ SHATTERED ♪
♪ ALL THIS CHITTER-CHATTER,

♪ SHATTERED ♪
♪ ALL THIS CHITTER-CHATTER,
CHITTER-CHATTER, CHITTER-CHATTER

♪ ALL THIS CHITTER-CHATTER,
CHITTER-CHATTER, CHITTER-CHATTER
'BOUT ♪

CHITTER-CHATTER, CHITTER-CHATTER
'BOUT ♪
♪ SHMATE, SHMATE, SHMATE... I

'BOUT ♪
♪ SHMATE, SHMATE, SHMATE... I
CAN'T GIVE IT AWAY ON

♪ SHMATE, SHMATE, SHMATE... I
CAN'T GIVE IT AWAY ON
7th AVENUE ♪

CAN'T GIVE IT AWAY ON
7th AVENUE ♪
♪ THIS TOWN'S BEEN WEARING

7th AVENUE ♪
♪ THIS TOWN'S BEEN WEARING
TATTERS ♪

♪ THIS TOWN'S BEEN WEARING
TATTERS ♪
♪ HUH, SHUT UP ♪

TATTERS ♪
♪ HUH, SHUT UP ♪
♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪

♪ HUH, SHUT UP ♪
♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪
♪ LAUGHTER AND JOY AND DIRTY

♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪
♪ LAUGHTER AND JOY AND DIRTY
DREAMS ARE STILL SURVIVING ON

♪ LAUGHTER AND JOY AND DIRTY
DREAMS ARE STILL SURVIVING ON
THE STREET ♪

DREAMS ARE STILL SURVIVING ON
THE STREET ♪
♪ LAUGHTER, JOY, AND

THE STREET ♪
♪ LAUGHTER, JOY, AND
LONELINESS AND SEX AND SEX AND

♪ LAUGHTER, JOY, AND
LONELINESS AND SEX AND SEX AND
SEX AND SEX ♪

LONELINESS AND SEX AND SEX AND
SEX AND SEX ♪
♪ AND LOOK AT ME ♪

SEX AND SEX ♪
♪ AND LOOK AT ME ♪
♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪

♪ AND LOOK AT ME ♪
♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪
♪ HEY, I'M SHATTERED ♪

♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪
♪ HEY, I'M SHATTERED ♪
[GUITAR SOLO]

♪ GET IT ♪
♪ LOOK AT ME ♪
♪ I'M IN TATTERS ♪

♪ LOOK AT ME ♪
♪ I'M IN TATTERS ♪
♪ LOOK AT ME ♪

♪ I'M IN TATTERS ♪
♪ LOOK AT ME ♪
♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪

♪ LOOK AT ME ♪
♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪
♪ LOOK AT ME ♪

♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪
♪ LOOK AT ME ♪
♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪

♪ LOOK AT ME ♪
♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪
♪ LOOK AT ME ♪

♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪
♪ LOOK AT ME ♪
♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪

♪ LOOK AT ME ♪
♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪
♪ SHADOOBIE ♪

♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪
♪ SHADOOBIE ♪
♪ SHATTERED ♪

♪ SHADOOBIE ♪
♪ SHATTERED ♪
♪ SHADOOBIE ♪

♪ SHATTERED ♪
♪ SHADOOBIE ♪
♪ SHATTERED ♪

♪ SHADOOBIE ♪
♪ SHATTERED ♪
♪ SHADOOBIE ♪

♪ SHATTERED ♪
♪ SHADOOBIE ♪
♪ SHATTERED ♪

♪ SHADOOBIE ♪
♪ SHATTERED ♪
♪ SHADOOBIE ♪

♪ SHATTERED ♪
♪ SHADOOBIE ♪
♪ SHATTERED ♪

♪ SHADOOBIE ♪
♪ SHATTERED ♪
♪ UNH, SHADOOBIE ♪

♪ SHATTERED ♪
♪ UNH, SHADOOBIE ♪
♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪

♪ UNH, SHADOOBIE ♪
♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪
♪ SHADOOBIE ♪

♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪
♪ SHADOOBIE ♪
♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪

♪ SHADOOBIE ♪
♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪
♪ SHADOOBIE ♪

♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪
♪ SHADOOBIE ♪
♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED, UNH ♪

♪ SHADOOBIE ♪
♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED, UNH ♪
♪ SHADOOBIE ♪

♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED, UNH ♪
♪ SHADOOBIE ♪
♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪

♪ SHADOOBIE ♪
♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪
♪ SHADOOBIE ♪

♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪
♪ SHADOOBIE ♪
♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪

♪ SHADOOBIE ♪
♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪
♪ SHADOOBIE ♪

♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪
♪ SHADOOBIE ♪
♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪

♪ DON'T YOU KNOW THE CRIME IS
GOING UP, UP, UP, UP, UP, HUH? ♪
♪ TO LIVE IN THIS TOWN YOU MUST

GOING UP, UP, UP, UP, UP, HUH? ♪
♪ TO LIVE IN THIS TOWN YOU MUST
BE TOUGH, TOUGH, TOUGH, TOUGH,

♪ TO LIVE IN THIS TOWN YOU MUST
BE TOUGH, TOUGH, TOUGH, TOUGH,
TOUGH, TOUGH, TOUGH ♪

BE TOUGH, TOUGH, TOUGH, TOUGH,
TOUGH, TOUGH, TOUGH ♪
♪ WE GOT RATS ON THE WEST SIDE,

TOUGH, TOUGH, TOUGH ♪
♪ WE GOT RATS ON THE WEST SIDE,
BEDBUGS UPTOWN ♪

♪ WE GOT RATS ON THE WEST SIDE,
BEDBUGS UPTOWN ♪
♪ WHAT A MESS, THIS TOWN'S IN

BEDBUGS UPTOWN ♪
♪ WHAT A MESS, THIS TOWN'S IN
TATTERS ♪

♪ WHAT A MESS, THIS TOWN'S IN
TATTERS ♪
♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪

TATTERS ♪
♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪
♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪

♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪
♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪
♪ SHADOOBIE ♪

♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪
♪ SHADOOBIE ♪
♪ SHATTERED ♪

♪ SHADOOBIE ♪
♪ SHATTERED ♪
♪ SHADOOBIE ♪

♪ SHATTERED ♪
♪ SHADOOBIE ♪
♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪

♪ SHADOOBIE ♪
♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪
♪ SHADOOBIE ♪

♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪
♪ SHADOOBIE ♪
♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED, UNH ♪

♪ SHADOOBIE ♪
♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED, UNH ♪
♪ SHADOOBIE ♪

♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED, UNH ♪
♪ SHADOOBIE ♪
♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED, UNH ♪

♪ SHADOOBIE ♪
♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED, UNH ♪
♪ SHADOOBIE ♪

♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED, UNH ♪
♪ SHADOOBIE ♪
♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED, UNH ♪

♪ SHADOOBIE ♪
♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED, UNH ♪
♪ SHADOOBIE ♪

♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED, UNH ♪
♪ SHADOOBIE ♪
♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED, UNH ♪

♪ SHADOOBIE ♪
♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED, UNH ♪
♪ SHADOOBIE ♪

♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED, UNH ♪
♪ SHADOOBIE ♪
♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪

♪ SHADOOBIE ♪
♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪
♪ YEAH, MY BRAIN'S BEEN... MY

♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪
♪ YEAH, MY BRAIN'S BEEN... MY
BRAIN'S BEEN SPLATTERED ALL OVER

♪ YEAH, MY BRAIN'S BEEN... MY
BRAIN'S BEEN SPLATTERED ALL OVER
TOWN ♪

BRAIN'S BEEN SPLATTERED ALL OVER
TOWN ♪
♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪

♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪
♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪
♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪

♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪
♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪
♪ SHA-TA, SHA-TA, SHA-TA,

♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪
♪ SHA-TA, SHA-TA, SHA-TA,
SHA-TA, SHA-TA, SHA-TA, SHA-TA,

♪ SHA-TA, SHA-TA, SHA-TA,
SHA-TA, SHA-TA, SHA-TA, SHA-TA,
SHA-TA, TA, TA, TA, TA, HA, HA ♪

SHA-TA, SHA-TA, SHA-TA, SHA-TA,
SHA-TA, TA, TA, TA, TA, HA, HA ♪
♪ ALL MY FRIENDS, THEY COME

SHA-TA, TA, TA, TA, TA, HA, HA ♪
♪ ALL MY FRIENDS, THEY COME
AROUND ♪

♪ ALL MY FRIENDS, THEY COME
AROUND ♪
♪ FLATTER, FLATTER, FLATTER,

AROUND ♪
♪ FLATTER, FLATTER, FLATTER,
FLATTER, FLATTER, FLATTER,

♪ FLATTER, FLATTER, FLATTER,
FLATTER, FLATTER, FLATTER,
FLATTER ♪

FLATTER, FLATTER, FLATTER,
FLATTER ♪
♪ PILE IT UP ♪

FLATTER ♪
♪ PILE IT UP ♪
♪ PILE IT UP ♪

♪ PILE IT UP ♪
♪ PILE IT UP ♪
♪ ON A PLATTER ♪

♪ PILE IT UP ♪
♪ ON A PLATTER ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
[DISCO MUSIC PLAYS]

[LAUGHTER]
HAL, I... I GOT TO TELL YOU,
MY... MY MANAGER SAYS IT'S JUST

HAL, I... I GOT TO TELL YOU,
MY... MY MANAGER SAYS IT'S JUST
NOT ME.

MY... MY MANAGER SAYS IT'S JUST
NOT ME.
WHAT'S THIS STUFF?

NOT ME.
WHAT'S THIS STUFF?
SUSHI.

WHAT'S THIS STUFF?
SUSHI.
WHAT'S THAT?

SUSHI.
WHAT'S THAT?
RAW FISH ON RICE.

WHAT'S THAT?
RAW FISH ON RICE.
[RUMBLING]

RAW FISH ON RICE.
[RUMBLING]
WHAT'S THAT?

[RUMBLING]
WHAT'S THAT?
IT'S A SLIGHT TREMOR, A LITTLE

WHAT'S THAT?
IT'S A SLIGHT TREMOR, A LITTLE
QUAKE.

IT'S A SLIGHT TREMOR, A LITTLE
QUAKE.
WE GET THEM HERE ALL THE TIME.

QUAKE.
WE GET THEM HERE ALL THE TIME.
OH, GOD.

WE GET THEM HERE ALL THE TIME.
OH, GOD.
HAVE YOU READ THE SCRIPT?

OH, GOD.
HAVE YOU READ THE SCRIPT?
THIS IS A DYNAMITE CAREER MOVE.

HAVE YOU READ THE SCRIPT?
THIS IS A DYNAMITE CAREER MOVE.
LET ME RUN IT DOWN FOR YOU.

THIS IS A DYNAMITE CAREER MOVE.
LET ME RUN IT DOWN FOR YOU.
[TELEPHONE RINGING]

LET ME RUN IT DOWN FOR YOU.
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
HELLO, HAL SHUNKA'S SUSHI

[TELEPHONE RINGING]
HELLO, HAL SHUNKA'S SUSHI
PARTY.

HELLO, HAL SHUNKA'S SUSHI
PARTY.
HAL, IT'S MY AGENT.

PARTY.
HAL, IT'S MY AGENT.
HE SAID HE LOVED "BROKEN."

HAL, IT'S MY AGENT.
HE SAID HE LOVED "BROKEN."
HE SAID HE'LL DO $40 MILLION IF

HE SAID HE LOVED "BROKEN."
HE SAID HE'LL DO $40 MILLION IF
IT'S GOT LEGS.

HE SAID HE'LL DO $40 MILLION IF
IT'S GOT LEGS.
ISN'T THAT GREAT?

IT'S GOT LEGS.
ISN'T THAT GREAT?
NOT NOW, DARLING.

ISN'T THAT GREAT?
NOT NOW, DARLING.
DADDY'S WORKING.

NOT NOW, DARLING.
DADDY'S WORKING.
MICHAEL, I'M SENSITIVE.

DADDY'S WORKING.
MICHAEL, I'M SENSITIVE.
OH... YEAH.

MICHAEL, I'M SENSITIVE.
OH... YEAH.
YOU'RE SENSITIVE?

OH... YEAH.
YOU'RE SENSITIVE?
IT'S FOR YOU, ANNIE.

YOU'RE SENSITIVE?
IT'S FOR YOU, ANNIE.
IT'S A PERFECT VEHICLE FOR

IT'S FOR YOU, ANNIE.
IT'S A PERFECT VEHICLE FOR
YOU.

IT'S A PERFECT VEHICLE FOR
YOU.
IT SAYS SOMETHING.

YOU.
IT SAYS SOMETHING.
HELLO?

IT SAYS SOMETHING.
HELLO?
WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN IN ANYWAY,

HELLO?
WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN IN ANYWAY,
HUH?

WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN IN ANYWAY,
HUH?
I DID A "LOVE BOAT," "MASH,"

HUH?
I DID A "LOVE BOAT," "MASH,"
"ROCKFORD," "DONNY AND MARIE,"

I DID A "LOVE BOAT," "MASH,"
"ROCKFORD," "DONNY AND MARIE,"
"BIG EVENT"...

"ROCKFORD," "DONNY AND MARIE,"
"BIG EVENT"...
[RUMBLING]

"BIG EVENT"...
[RUMBLING]
UH, "STARSKY AND HUTCH," TWO

[RUMBLING]
UH, "STARSKY AND HUTCH," TWO
"SPIDER-MAN," AND... AND... AND

UH, "STARSKY AND HUTCH," TWO
"SPIDER-MAN," AND... AND... AND
"A WOMAN CALLED MOSES."

"SPIDER-MAN," AND... AND... AND
"A WOMAN CALLED MOSES."
LET ME TELL YOU... AND KEEP

"A WOMAN CALLED MOSES."
LET ME TELL YOU... AND KEEP
THIS UNDER YOUR HAT...

LET ME TELL YOU... AND KEEP
THIS UNDER YOUR HAT...
EARTHQUAKE!

THIS UNDER YOUR HAT...
EARTHQUAKE!
DOC SIMON WILL PROBABLY DO

EARTHQUAKE!
DOC SIMON WILL PROBABLY DO
THE REWRITES.

DOC SIMON WILL PROBABLY DO
THE REWRITES.
THE STUDIO, OF COURSE, WANTS

THE REWRITES.
THE STUDIO, OF COURSE, WANTS
NICHOLSON, AND REDFORD'S

THE STUDIO, OF COURSE, WANTS
NICHOLSON, AND REDFORD'S
AGENT IS READING IT...

NICHOLSON, AND REDFORD'S
AGENT IS READING IT...
HEY, HEY, HEY!

AGENT IS READING IT...
HEY, HEY, HEY!
EVEN AS WE SPEAK.

HEY, HEY, HEY!
EVEN AS WE SPEAK.
HEY, HEY, COME ON NOW!

EVEN AS WE SPEAK.
HEY, HEY, COME ON NOW!
UH, EARTHQUAKE!

HEY, HEY, COME ON NOW!
UH, EARTHQUAKE!
UH, RUN!

UH, EARTHQUAKE!
UH, RUN!
YOU MAY NEVER GET ANOTHER

UH, RUN!
YOU MAY NEVER GET ANOTHER
SHOT AT THIS AGAIN.

YOU MAY NEVER GET ANOTHER
SHOT AT THIS AGAIN.
BUT IF IT'S POINTS YOU WANT,

SHOT AT THIS AGAIN.
BUT IF IT'S POINTS YOU WANT,
THEN YOU GOT THEM.

BUT IF IT'S POINTS YOU WANT,
THEN YOU GOT THEM.
WHAT?

THEN YOU GOT THEM.
WHAT?
[SCREAMING]

WHAT?
[SCREAMING]
I SAID, "IF IT'S POINTS YOU

[SCREAMING]
I SAID, "IF IT'S POINTS YOU
WANT, YOU GOT THEM."

I SAID, "IF IT'S POINTS YOU
WANT, YOU GOT THEM."
WHAT?

WANT, YOU GOT THEM."
WHAT?
IF IT'S POINTS YOU WANT, YOU

WHAT?
IF IT'S POINTS YOU WANT, YOU
GOT THEM!

IF IT'S POINTS YOU WANT, YOU
GOT THEM!
[CRASH]

AND NOW WE TAKE YOU TO THE
WHITE HOUSE, WHERE
PRESIDENT CARTER HAS A SURPRISE

WHITE HOUSE, WHERE
PRESIDENT CARTER HAS A SURPRISE
ANNOUNCEMENT.

PRESIDENT CARTER HAS A SURPRISE
ANNOUNCEMENT.
GOOD EVENING.

ANNOUNCEMENT.
GOOD EVENING.
THE SUCCESS OF THE CAMP DAVID

GOOD EVENING.
THE SUCCESS OF THE CAMP DAVID
SUMMIT TWO WEEKS AGO WAS A GREAT

THE SUCCESS OF THE CAMP DAVID
SUMMIT TWO WEEKS AGO WAS A GREAT
ACCOMPLISHMENT FOR THE ENTIRE

SUMMIT TWO WEEKS AGO WAS A GREAT
ACCOMPLISHMENT FOR THE ENTIRE
WORLD, AS WELL AS FOR MYSELF.

ACCOMPLISHMENT FOR THE ENTIRE
WORLD, AS WELL AS FOR MYSELF.
AFTER I LOOKED AT THOSE POLLS, I

WORLD, AS WELL AS FOR MYSELF.
AFTER I LOOKED AT THOSE POLLS, I
SAID TO MYSELF, "JIMMY, WHY

AFTER I LOOKED AT THOSE POLLS, I
SAID TO MYSELF, "JIMMY, WHY
DON'T YOU JUST KEEP DOING WHAT

SAID TO MYSELF, "JIMMY, WHY
DON'T YOU JUST KEEP DOING WHAT
YOU DO BEST... BRINGING PEOPLE

DON'T YOU JUST KEEP DOING WHAT
YOU DO BEST... BRINGING PEOPLE
WITH SEEMINGLY IRRECONCILABLE

YOU DO BEST... BRINGING PEOPLE
WITH SEEMINGLY IRRECONCILABLE
DIFFERENCES TOGETHER AND MAKING

WITH SEEMINGLY IRRECONCILABLE
DIFFERENCES TOGETHER AND MAKING
THEM SEE THAT THERE IS A COMMON

DIFFERENCES TOGETHER AND MAKING
THEM SEE THAT THERE IS A COMMON
GROUND ON WHICH TO BASE

THEM SEE THAT THERE IS A COMMON
GROUND ON WHICH TO BASE
AGREEMENT?"

GROUND ON WHICH TO BASE
AGREEMENT?"
FOR THE LAST 13 DAYS,

AGREEMENT?"
FOR THE LAST 13 DAYS,
UNBEKNOWNST TO THE PRESS...

FOR THE LAST 13 DAYS,
UNBEKNOWNST TO THE PRESS...
I'VE BEEN MEETING SECRETLY AT

UNBEKNOWNST TO THE PRESS...
I'VE BEEN MEETING SECRETLY AT
CAMP DAVID WITH MR. JOHN LENNON

I'VE BEEN MEETING SECRETLY AT
CAMP DAVID WITH MR. JOHN LENNON
AND MR. PAUL McCARTNEY.

CAMP DAVID WITH MR. JOHN LENNON
AND MR. PAUL McCARTNEY.
[APPLAUSE]

AND MR. PAUL McCARTNEY.
[APPLAUSE]
THE SUCCESS OF OUR TALKS FAR

[APPLAUSE]
THE SUCCESS OF OUR TALKS FAR
EXCEEDED OUR EXPECTATIONS, AND

THE SUCCESS OF OUR TALKS FAR
EXCEEDED OUR EXPECTATIONS, AND
I'M HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE THAT WE

EXCEEDED OUR EXPECTATIONS, AND
I'M HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE THAT WE
HAVE AGREED TO SIGN A DOCUMENT

I'M HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE THAT WE
HAVE AGREED TO SIGN A DOCUMENT
CALLED "A FRAMEWORK FOR THE

HAVE AGREED TO SIGN A DOCUMENT
CALLED "A FRAMEWORK FOR THE
REUNION OF THE BEATLES."

CALLED "A FRAMEWORK FOR THE
REUNION OF THE BEATLES."
[APPLAUSE]

REUNION OF THE BEATLES."
[APPLAUSE]
NOW, THERE STILL ARE SOME

[APPLAUSE]
NOW, THERE STILL ARE SOME
DISAGREEMENTS.

NOW, THERE STILL ARE SOME
DISAGREEMENTS.
A LOT DEPENDS UPON THE

DISAGREEMENTS.
A LOT DEPENDS UPON THE
AVAILABILITY OF GEORGE AND RINGO

A LOT DEPENDS UPON THE
AVAILABILITY OF GEORGE AND RINGO
TO JOIN IN THE NEGOTIATIONS, BUT

AVAILABILITY OF GEORGE AND RINGO
TO JOIN IN THE NEGOTIATIONS, BUT
SECRETARY VANCE WILL LEAVE

TO JOIN IN THE NEGOTIATIONS, BUT
SECRETARY VANCE WILL LEAVE
TOMORROW FOR LONDON TO MEET WITH

SECRETARY VANCE WILL LEAVE
TOMORROW FOR LONDON TO MEET WITH
GEORGE, AND WE FEEL CONFIDENT

TOMORROW FOR LONDON TO MEET WITH
GEORGE, AND WE FEEL CONFIDENT
THAT RINGO WILL DO ANYTHING.

GEORGE, AND WE FEEL CONFIDENT
THAT RINGO WILL DO ANYTHING.
IF EVERYTHING GOES WELL, THE

THAT RINGO WILL DO ANYTHING.
IF EVERYTHING GOES WELL, THE
BEATLES WILL LAUNCH A 30-CITY

IF EVERYTHING GOES WELL, THE
BEATLES WILL LAUNCH A 30-CITY
TOUR OF THE UNITED STATES

BEATLES WILL LAUNCH A 30-CITY
TOUR OF THE UNITED STATES
SOMETIME, HOPEFULLY, BEFORE

TOUR OF THE UNITED STATES
SOMETIME, HOPEFULLY, BEFORE
NOVEMBER 1980.

SOMETIME, HOPEFULLY, BEFORE
NOVEMBER 1980.
[APPLAUSE]

NOVEMBER 1980.
[APPLAUSE]
PLUS, THE BEATLES WILL RELEASE

[APPLAUSE]
PLUS, THE BEATLES WILL RELEASE
AN ORIGINAL, LONG-PLAY RECORD

PLUS, THE BEATLES WILL RELEASE
AN ORIGINAL, LONG-PLAY RECORD
ALBUM WHICH I'M PROUD TO PREDICT

AN ORIGINAL, LONG-PLAY RECORD
ALBUM WHICH I'M PROUD TO PREDICT
WILL BE SHIPPED DOUBLE PLATINUM.

ALBUM WHICH I'M PROUD TO PREDICT
WILL BE SHIPPED DOUBLE PLATINUM.
[APPLAUSE]

WILL BE SHIPPED DOUBLE PLATINUM.
[APPLAUSE]
ALLOW ME NOW TO READ SOME OF THE

[APPLAUSE]
ALLOW ME NOW TO READ SOME OF THE
KEY TERMS OF THE FRAMEWORK.

ALLOW ME NOW TO READ SOME OF THE
KEY TERMS OF THE FRAMEWORK.
RICHARD RINGO STARKEY WILL PLAY

KEY TERMS OF THE FRAMEWORK.
RICHARD RINGO STARKEY WILL PLAY
PERCUSSION, DRUMS, AT ALL BEATLE

RICHARD RINGO STARKEY WILL PLAY
PERCUSSION, DRUMS, AT ALL BEATLE
CONCERTS.

PERCUSSION, DRUMS, AT ALL BEATLE
CONCERTS.
HOWEVER, IN THE RECORDING

CONCERTS.
HOWEVER, IN THE RECORDING
STUDIO, MR. STARKEY'S

HOWEVER, IN THE RECORDING
STUDIO, MR. STARKEY'S
PERFORMANCE MAY OR MAY NOT BE

STUDIO, MR. STARKEY'S
PERFORMANCE MAY OR MAY NOT BE
REQUIRED ON CERTAIN SELECTIONS

PERFORMANCE MAY OR MAY NOT BE
REQUIRED ON CERTAIN SELECTIONS
AT THE DISCRETION OF

REQUIRED ON CERTAIN SELECTIONS
AT THE DISCRETION OF
MR. PAUL McCARTNEY.

AT THE DISCRETION OF
MR. PAUL McCARTNEY.
GEORGE HARRISON WILL BE LIMITED

MR. PAUL McCARTNEY.
GEORGE HARRISON WILL BE LIMITED
TO ONE SONG PER ALBUM CONCERNING

GEORGE HARRISON WILL BE LIMITED
TO ONE SONG PER ALBUM CONCERNING
MATTERS PERTAINING TO THE INDIAN

TO ONE SONG PER ALBUM CONCERNING
MATTERS PERTAINING TO THE INDIAN
SUBCONTINENT.

MATTERS PERTAINING TO THE INDIAN
SUBCONTINENT.
YOKO ONO WILL NOT SING.

SUBCONTINENT.
YOKO ONO WILL NOT SING.
[APPLAUSE]

YOKO ONO WILL NOT SING.
[APPLAUSE]
YOKO ONO WILL NOT SING, HUM,

[APPLAUSE]
YOKO ONO WILL NOT SING, HUM,
SCREAM, MOAN, TALK, OR MAKE ANY

YOKO ONO WILL NOT SING, HUM,
SCREAM, MOAN, TALK, OR MAKE ANY
VOCAL SOUNDS ON ANY BEATLE ALBUM

SCREAM, MOAN, TALK, OR MAKE ANY
VOCAL SOUNDS ON ANY BEATLE ALBUM
OR DURING ANY LIVE BEATLE

VOCAL SOUNDS ON ANY BEATLE ALBUM
OR DURING ANY LIVE BEATLE
PERFORMANCE.

OR DURING ANY LIVE BEATLE
PERFORMANCE.
[APPLAUSE]

PERFORMANCE.
[APPLAUSE]
LINDA EASTMAN McCARTNEY...

[APPLAUSE]
LINDA EASTMAN McCARTNEY...
McCARTNEY WILL NOT SING, HUM,

LINDA EASTMAN McCARTNEY...
McCARTNEY WILL NOT SING, HUM,
SCREAM, MOAN, TALK, OR PLAY THE

McCARTNEY WILL NOT SING, HUM,
SCREAM, MOAN, TALK, OR PLAY THE
TAMBOURINE ON ANY BEATLE ALBUM

SCREAM, MOAN, TALK, OR PLAY THE
TAMBOURINE ON ANY BEATLE ALBUM
OR DURING ANY LIVE BEATLE

TAMBOURINE ON ANY BEATLE ALBUM
OR DURING ANY LIVE BEATLE
PERFORMANCE.

OR DURING ANY LIVE BEATLE
PERFORMANCE.
[APPLAUSE]

PERFORMANCE.
[APPLAUSE]
THESE TWO MEN, MY FRIENDS, EACH

[APPLAUSE]
THESE TWO MEN, MY FRIENDS, EACH
MAKE PAINFUL CONCESSIONS IN THE

THESE TWO MEN, MY FRIENDS, EACH
MAKE PAINFUL CONCESSIONS IN THE
SPIRIT OF COMPROMISE, BUT IF IT

MAKE PAINFUL CONCESSIONS IN THE
SPIRIT OF COMPROMISE, BUT IF IT
HADN'T BEEN FOR MANY PEOPLE

SPIRIT OF COMPROMISE, BUT IF IT
HADN'T BEEN FOR MANY PEOPLE
WORKING BEHIND THE SCENES, WE

HADN'T BEEN FOR MANY PEOPLE
WORKING BEHIND THE SCENES, WE
WOULDN'T BE HERE TONIGHT.

WORKING BEHIND THE SCENES, WE
WOULDN'T BE HERE TONIGHT.
AND I ESPECIALLY WANT TO THANK

WOULDN'T BE HERE TONIGHT.
AND I ESPECIALLY WANT TO THANK
SECRETARY CYRUS VANCE AND

AND I ESPECIALLY WANT TO THANK
SECRETARY CYRUS VANCE AND
MR. SMOKEY ROBINSON.

SECRETARY CYRUS VANCE AND
MR. SMOKEY ROBINSON.
I GUESS YOU COULD SAY IT WAS A

MR. SMOKEY ROBINSON.
I GUESS YOU COULD SAY IT WAS A
LONG AND WINDING ROAD, BUT AS I

I GUESS YOU COULD SAY IT WAS A
LONG AND WINDING ROAD, BUT AS I
SAID TO PAUL AND JOHN AS WE FLEW

LONG AND WINDING ROAD, BUT AS I
SAID TO PAUL AND JOHN AS WE FLEW
HERE FROM CAMP DAVID, I THINK

SAID TO PAUL AND JOHN AS WE FLEW
HERE FROM CAMP DAVID, I THINK
WE'VE PROVED THAT, IN THE END,

HERE FROM CAMP DAVID, I THINK
WE'VE PROVED THAT, IN THE END,
AS SOMEONE ONCE SAID, THE LOVE

WE'VE PROVED THAT, IN THE END,
AS SOMEONE ONCE SAID, THE LOVE
YOU TAKE IS EQUAL TO THE LOVE

AS SOMEONE ONCE SAID, THE LOVE
YOU TAKE IS EQUAL TO THE LOVE
YOU MAKE.

YOU TAKE IS EQUAL TO THE LOVE
YOU MAKE.
[APPLAUSE]

YOU MAKE.
[APPLAUSE]
[British accent] WELL, LET

[APPLAUSE]
[British accent] WELL, LET
ME JUST SAY A BIT ABOUT MY

[British accent] WELL, LET
ME JUST SAY A BIT ABOUT MY
FRIEND, PRESIDENT CARTER.

ME JUST SAY A BIT ABOUT MY
FRIEND, PRESIDENT CARTER.
THIS MAN DISPLAYED GREAT

FRIEND, PRESIDENT CARTER.
THIS MAN DISPLAYED GREAT
COURAGE.

THIS MAN DISPLAYED GREAT
COURAGE.
HE WORKED NIGHT AND DAY, AND SO

COURAGE.
HE WORKED NIGHT AND DAY, AND SO
DID WE.

HE WORKED NIGHT AND DAY, AND SO
DID WE.
WE USUALLY DIDN'T GET TO BED

DID WE.
WE USUALLY DIDN'T GET TO BED
UNTIL 3:00 OR 4:00 IN THE

WE USUALLY DIDN'T GET TO BED
UNTIL 3:00 OR 4:00 IN THE
MORNING, AND THEN WE'D GET UP

UNTIL 3:00 OR 4:00 IN THE
MORNING, AND THEN WE'D GET UP
AGAIN AROUND 3:00 OR 4:00 IN THE

MORNING, AND THEN WE'D GET UP
AGAIN AROUND 3:00 OR 4:00 IN THE
AFTERNOON.

AGAIN AROUND 3:00 OR 4:00 IN THE
AFTERNOON.
AND THE PRESIDENT WAS ALREADY UP

AFTERNOON.
AND THE PRESIDENT WAS ALREADY UP
WORKING.

AND THE PRESIDENT WAS ALREADY UP
WORKING.
[British accent] THAT'S

WORKING.
[British accent] THAT'S
RIGHT.

[British accent] THAT'S
RIGHT.
AS YOU KNOW, PAUL AND I HAVE OUR

RIGHT.
AS YOU KNOW, PAUL AND I HAVE OUR
DISAGREEMENTS, BUT WE PROMISED

AS YOU KNOW, PAUL AND I HAVE OUR
DISAGREEMENTS, BUT WE PROMISED
PRESIDENT CARTER THAT WE

DISAGREEMENTS, BUT WE PROMISED
PRESIDENT CARTER THAT WE
WOULD WRITE OUR FIRST NEW SONG

PRESIDENT CARTER THAT WE
WOULD WRITE OUR FIRST NEW SONG
TOGETHER IN THREE MONTHS.

WOULD WRITE OUR FIRST NEW SONG
TOGETHER IN THREE MONTHS.
PAUL, I HOPE WE DO IT LONGER

TOGETHER IN THREE MONTHS.
PAUL, I HOPE WE DO IT LONGER
THAN THREE MONTHS... I MEAN,

PAUL, I HOPE WE DO IT LONGER
THAN THREE MONTHS... I MEAN,
SOONER THAN THREE MONTHS.

THAN THREE MONTHS... I MEAN,
SOONER THAN THREE MONTHS.
SORRY, PAUL.

SOONER THAN THREE MONTHS.
SORRY, PAUL.
[APPLAUSE]

SORRY, PAUL.
[APPLAUSE]
♪ THE LOVE YOU TAKE ♪

[APPLAUSE]
♪ THE LOVE YOU TAKE ♪
♪ IS EQUAL TO THE LOVE YOU

♪ THE LOVE YOU TAKE ♪
♪ IS EQUAL TO THE LOVE YOU
MAKE ♪

♪ N.B. SEE US ♪
♪ N.B. SEE US ♪
NEXT FRIDAY NIGHT ON NBC, AN

♪ N.B. SEE US ♪
NEXT FRIDAY NIGHT ON NBC, AN
ALL-STAR CELEBRITY SPORTS

NEXT FRIDAY NIGHT ON NBC, AN
ALL-STAR CELEBRITY SPORTS
SPECTACULAR...

THE BIGGEST STARS WITH THE

BIGGEST T's AND THE

NICEST A's...

CHARLIE'S ANGEL CHERYL LADD...

WONDER WOMAN LYNDA CARTER...

SUZANNE SOMERS...

LOLA FALANA...

VALERIE PERRINE AND

ADRIANNE BARBEAU...

ALL YOUR FAVORITE T's AND A's,

INCLUDING HOOTCHY-KOOTCHY GIRL

CHARO AND

SOMETIME-GAME-SHOW-GUEST STAR

CAROL WAYNE...

PLUS THE DALLAS COWBOY

CHEERLEADERS.

HELLO.
I'M DAVE MABEL.
WELCOME ONCE AGAIN TO

I'M DAVE MABEL.
WELCOME ONCE AGAIN TO
"DANGER PROBE."

WELCOME ONCE AGAIN TO
"DANGER PROBE."
TONIGHT'S STORY IS FILE NUMBER

"DANGER PROBE."
TONIGHT'S STORY IS FILE NUMBER
377 FROM THE "DANGER PROBE"

TONIGHT'S STORY IS FILE NUMBER
377 FROM THE "DANGER PROBE"
FILES.

377 FROM THE "DANGER PROBE"
FILES.
THE EVENTS IN 377 OCCURRED

FILES.
THE EVENTS IN 377 OCCURRED
RECENTLY IN THE SOUTH AMERICAN

THE EVENTS IN 377 OCCURRED
RECENTLY IN THE SOUTH AMERICAN
REPUBLIC OF PARAGUAY IN A

RECENTLY IN THE SOUTH AMERICAN
REPUBLIC OF PARAGUAY IN A
SUBCHAMBER OF FEDERAL POLICE

REPUBLIC OF PARAGUAY IN A
SUBCHAMBER OF FEDERAL POLICE
HEADQUARTERS.

SUBCHAMBER OF FEDERAL POLICE
HEADQUARTERS.
IT IS 6:00 ON A COLD DECEMBER

HEADQUARTERS.
IT IS 6:00 ON A COLD DECEMBER
MORNING.

IT IS 6:00 ON A COLD DECEMBER
MORNING.
THE DIRECTOR OF FEDERAL POLICE,

MORNING.
THE DIRECTOR OF FEDERAL POLICE,
GENERAL BARDOTO P., A SADISTIC

THE DIRECTOR OF FEDERAL POLICE,
GENERAL BARDOTO P., A SADISTIC
EX-TAXIDERMIST, IS EXCHANGING

GENERAL BARDOTO P., A SADISTIC
EX-TAXIDERMIST, IS EXCHANGING
SCALPELS AND LENGTHS OF

EX-TAXIDERMIST, IS EXCHANGING
SCALPELS AND LENGTHS OF
RUBBER HOSE WITH MADAM

SCALPELS AND LENGTHS OF
RUBBER HOSE WITH MADAM
DR. CHEETAH R., A MENTALLY

RUBBER HOSE WITH MADAM
DR. CHEETAH R., A MENTALLY
UNSTABLE MINISTER OF INTERNAL

DR. CHEETAH R., A MENTALLY
UNSTABLE MINISTER OF INTERNAL
SECURITY AND STUDENT TORTURE.

UNSTABLE MINISTER OF INTERNAL
SECURITY AND STUDENT TORTURE.
"DANGER PROBE" WILL EXAMINE THE

SECURITY AND STUDENT TORTURE.
"DANGER PROBE" WILL EXAMINE THE
REACTIONS OF THESE TWO RUTHLESS,

"DANGER PROBE" WILL EXAMINE THE
REACTIONS OF THESE TWO RUTHLESS,
DEPRAVED INDIVIDUALS WHEN TWO

REACTIONS OF THESE TWO RUTHLESS,
DEPRAVED INDIVIDUALS WHEN TWO
STRANGERS ENTER THE

DEPRAVED INDIVIDUALS WHEN TWO
STRANGERS ENTER THE
SUBCHAMBER... IN THIS CASE, A

STRANGERS ENTER THE
SUBCHAMBER... IN THIS CASE, A
HARE KRISHNA DISCIPLE FROM

SUBCHAMBER... IN THIS CASE, A
HARE KRISHNA DISCIPLE FROM
ST. LOUIS, MISSOURI, AND HIS

HARE KRISHNA DISCIPLE FROM
ST. LOUIS, MISSOURI, AND HIS
HITCHHIKING COMPANION, A FEMALE

ST. LOUIS, MISSOURI, AND HIS
HITCHHIKING COMPANION, A FEMALE
STREET MIME FROM SAN FRANCISCO.

HITCHHIKING COMPANION, A FEMALE
STREET MIME FROM SAN FRANCISCO.
THIS IS "DANGER PROBE."

STREET MIME FROM SAN FRANCISCO.
THIS IS "DANGER PROBE."
[Spanish accent] I'M

THIS IS "DANGER PROBE."
[Spanish accent] I'M
TELLING YOU, BEATING THE INSTEP

[Spanish accent] I'M
TELLING YOU, BEATING THE INSTEP
OF THE FOOT WITH A RUBBER HOSE

TELLING YOU, BEATING THE INSTEP
OF THE FOOT WITH A RUBBER HOSE
IS MOST EFFECTIVE!

OF THE FOOT WITH A RUBBER HOSE
IS MOST EFFECTIVE!
NO, NO, NO, NO...

IS MOST EFFECTIVE!
NO, NO, NO, NO...
BEATING THE HEEL!

NO, NO, NO, NO...
BEATING THE HEEL!
AAAH!

BEATING THE HEEL!
AAAH!
THAT IS THE BEST!

AAAH!
THAT IS THE BEST!
STOP! STOP!

THAT IS THE BEST!
STOP! STOP!
YOU ARE BOTH RIGHT!

STOP! STOP!
YOU ARE BOTH RIGHT!
BOTH METHODS ARE EXCRUCIATINGLY

YOU ARE BOTH RIGHT!
BOTH METHODS ARE EXCRUCIATINGLY
PAINFUL, BUT IT DEPENDS ON THE

BOTH METHODS ARE EXCRUCIATINGLY
PAINFUL, BUT IT DEPENDS ON THE
INDIVIDUAL.

PAINFUL, BUT IT DEPENDS ON THE
INDIVIDUAL.
[ALL LAUGH EVILLY]

INDIVIDUAL.
[ALL LAUGH EVILLY]
AH!

[ALL LAUGH EVILLY]
AH!
HI... IT'S GENTLEMAN'S DAY

AH!
HI... IT'S GENTLEMAN'S DAY
TODAY.

HI... IT'S GENTLEMAN'S DAY
TODAY.
UH, SORRY.

TODAY.
UH, SORRY.
ARE YOU BUSY RIGHT NOW?

UH, SORRY.
ARE YOU BUSY RIGHT NOW?
DO YOU HAVE A MINUTE TO TALK

ARE YOU BUSY RIGHT NOW?
DO YOU HAVE A MINUTE TO TALK
ABOUT KRISHNA CONSCIOUSNESS?

DO YOU HAVE A MINUTE TO TALK
ABOUT KRISHNA CONSCIOUSNESS?
AND NOW MIMES BY MAUREEN.

ABOUT KRISHNA CONSCIOUSNESS?
AND NOW MIMES BY MAUREEN.
MODERN MAN!

AND NOW MIMES BY MAUREEN.
MODERN MAN!
GUARDS, SEIZE THEM!

MODERN MAN!
GUARDS, SEIZE THEM!
HAVE YOU HEARD THE...

GUARDS, SEIZE THEM!
HAVE YOU HEARD THE...
HAVE YOU HEARD THE ALBUM

HAVE YOU HEARD THE...
HAVE YOU HEARD THE ALBUM
GEORGE HARRISON DID FOR US?

HAVE YOU HEARD THE ALBUM
GEORGE HARRISON DID FOR US?
IT'S A GREAT ALBUM.

GEORGE HARRISON DID FOR US?
IT'S A GREAT ALBUM.
YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THAT ALBUM BY

IT'S A GREAT ALBUM.
YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THAT ALBUM BY
GEORGE HARRISON, HAVE YOU?

YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THAT ALBUM BY
GEORGE HARRISON, HAVE YOU?
NO!

GEORGE HARRISON, HAVE YOU?
NO!
STRAP THEM TO THE TABLE.

NO!
STRAP THEM TO THE TABLE.
AAH!

STRAP THEM TO THE TABLE.
AAH!
OKAY.

AAH!
OKAY.
WHO ARE YOU?

OKAY.
WHO ARE YOU?
AAAH!

WHO ARE YOU?
AAAH!
HEY, LOOK.

AAAH!
HEY, LOOK.
YOU CAN HAVE ALL THE BOOKS FOR

HEY, LOOK.
YOU CAN HAVE ALL THE BOOKS FOR
FREE IF YOU WANT.

YOU CAN HAVE ALL THE BOOKS FOR
FREE IF YOU WANT.
AAAH!

FREE IF YOU WANT.
AAAH!
WHERE ARE YOUR COMMUNIST

AAAH!
WHERE ARE YOUR COMMUNIST
FRIENDS?

WHERE ARE YOUR COMMUNIST
FRIENDS?
LISTEN, CAN YOU SAY, "NAM YO

FRIENDS?
LISTEN, CAN YOU SAY, "NAM YO
HO RENGE KYON"?

LISTEN, CAN YOU SAY, "NAM YO
HO RENGE KYON"?
NAM YO HO RENGE KYON!

HO RENGE KYON"?
NAM YO HO RENGE KYON!
THAT'S GOOD.

NAM YO HO RENGE KYON!
THAT'S GOOD.
THANK YOU.

THAT'S GOOD.
THANK YOU.
PREPARE THE SURGICAL GENERATOR

THANK YOU.
PREPARE THE SURGICAL GENERATOR
AND SMALL BONE SAW.

PREPARE THE SURGICAL GENERATOR
AND SMALL BONE SAW.
OKAY, HOLD IT!

AND SMALL BONE SAW.
OKAY, HOLD IT!
WE'LL PUT A LID ON THIS!

OKAY, HOLD IT!
WE'LL PUT A LID ON THIS!
OKAY, BOYS!

WE'LL PUT A LID ON THIS!
OKAY, BOYS!
COME AND GET THEM!

OKAY, BOYS!
COME AND GET THEM!
[DRILL WHIRS]

COME AND GET THEM!
[DRILL WHIRS]
GIVE IT UP, HELLION.

[DRILL WHIRS]
GIVE IT UP, HELLION.
[GRUNTS]

GIVE IT UP, HELLION.
[GRUNTS]
DAVE MABEL, "DANGER PROBE."

[GRUNTS]
DAVE MABEL, "DANGER PROBE."
YOU TWO ALL RIGHT?

DAVE MABEL, "DANGER PROBE."
YOU TWO ALL RIGHT?
YEAH.

YOU TWO ALL RIGHT?
YEAH.
BOY, AM I GLAD YOU

YEAH.
BOY, AM I GLAD YOU
"DANGER PROBE" PEOPLE SHOWED UP.

BOY, AM I GLAD YOU
"DANGER PROBE" PEOPLE SHOWED UP.
WHEW!

"DANGER PROBE" PEOPLE SHOWED UP.
WHEW!
WHEW!

WHEW!
WHEW!
BOY, REALLY, ARE WE GLAD TO SEE

WHEW!
BOY, REALLY, ARE WE GLAD TO SEE
YOU, DAVE MABEL.

BOY, REALLY, ARE WE GLAD TO SEE
YOU, DAVE MABEL.
HOW CAN WE THANK YOU?

YOU, DAVE MABEL.
HOW CAN WE THANK YOU?
THAT'S OKAY.

HOW CAN WE THANK YOU?
THAT'S OKAY.
YOU TWO RUN ALONG NOW.

THAT'S OKAY.
YOU TWO RUN ALONG NOW.
A SOUTH AMERICAN POLICE STATE IS

YOU TWO RUN ALONG NOW.
A SOUTH AMERICAN POLICE STATE IS
NO PLACE FOR A COUPLE OF

A SOUTH AMERICAN POLICE STATE IS
NO PLACE FOR A COUPLE OF
ECCENTRIC NONCONFORMISTS LIKE

NO PLACE FOR A COUPLE OF
ECCENTRIC NONCONFORMISTS LIKE
YOURSELVES.

ECCENTRIC NONCONFORMISTS LIKE
YOURSELVES.
I'M DAVE MABEL.

YOURSELVES.
I'M DAVE MABEL.
THIS IS "DANGER PROBE."

I'M DAVE MABEL.
THIS IS "DANGER PROBE."
Announcer: ALL STORIES ON

THIS IS "DANGER PROBE."
Announcer: ALL STORIES ON
"DANGER PROBE" ARE TRUE.

Announcer: ALL STORIES ON
"DANGER PROBE" ARE TRUE.
HOWEVER, "DANGER PROBE" DOES NOT

"DANGER PROBE" ARE TRUE.
HOWEVER, "DANGER PROBE" DOES NOT
WISH TO ENDORSE DANGEROUS

HOWEVER, "DANGER PROBE" DOES NOT
WISH TO ENDORSE DANGEROUS
SITUATIONS.

WISH TO ENDORSE DANGEROUS
SITUATIONS.
THE "DANGER PROBE" SQUAD ARE

SITUATIONS.
THE "DANGER PROBE" SQUAD ARE
PROFESSIONALS.

THE "DANGER PROBE" SQUAD ARE
PROFESSIONALS.
VIEWERS SHOULD NOT ATTEMPT TO

PROFESSIONALS.
VIEWERS SHOULD NOT ATTEMPT TO
DUPLICATE THEIR ACTIONS.

GOOD NIGHT, AND THANK YOU.
[BAND PLAYS]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Announcer: NEXT SATURDAY

NIGHT, OUR HOST WILL BE

FRED WILLARD, WITH MUSICAL

GUEST DEVO.

THIS IS DON PARDO.

GOOD NIGHT.