Saturday Night Live (1975–…): Season 3, Episode 17 - Michael Sarrazin/Keith Jarrett, Gravity - full transcript
The host for the episode is Michael Sarrazin, and the musical guests are Keith Jarrett and Gravity. The skits for this episode are as follows: President Carter delivers a special message for the viewers at home. After Michael Sarrazin's opening monologue, a re-run ad pitches Angora Bouquet, a skin soap that contains tranquilizers. E Buzz Miller presents a series of exercise tips with his assistant, but each suggestion is another opportunity for him to make lewd comments. Gilda Radner appears in a European-style art film about a beloved actress trying to run away from the hectic life of fame. Keith Jarrett performs two instrumental pieces.
AND NOW, FROM THE WHITE
HOUSE, THE PRESIDENT OF THE
UNITED STATES.
GOOD EVENING, MY FELLOW
AMERICANS.
IN THE PAST, I HAVE GIVEN
AMERICANS.
IN THE PAST, I HAVE GIVEN
FIRESIDE CHATS.
IN THE PAST, I HAVE GIVEN
FIRESIDE CHATS.
TONIGHT, BECAUSE IT IS SPRING, I
FIRESIDE CHATS.
TONIGHT, BECAUSE IT IS SPRING, I
HAVE CHOSEN TO GIVE A PLANTSIDE
TONIGHT, BECAUSE IT IS SPRING, I
HAVE CHOSEN TO GIVE A PLANTSIDE
CHAT.
HAVE CHOSEN TO GIVE A PLANTSIDE
CHAT.
I LOVE THE SPRING.
CHAT.
I LOVE THE SPRING.
EVERYTHING GROWS... PLANTS,
I LOVE THE SPRING.
EVERYTHING GROWS... PLANTS,
TREES, LITTLE BABY ANIMALS...
EVERYTHING GROWS... PLANTS,
TREES, LITTLE BABY ANIMALS...
BUT SOME THINGS DON'T.
TREES, LITTLE BABY ANIMALS...
BUT SOME THINGS DON'T.
SOME THINGS GROW THAT WE DON'T
BUT SOME THINGS DON'T.
SOME THINGS GROW THAT WE DON'T
WANT TO GROW, LIKE INFLATION.
SOME THINGS GROW THAT WE DON'T
WANT TO GROW, LIKE INFLATION.
INFLATION IS OUR NATION'S
WANT TO GROW, LIKE INFLATION.
INFLATION IS OUR NATION'S
NUMBER-ONE PROBLEM, YET MOST
INFLATION IS OUR NATION'S
NUMBER-ONE PROBLEM, YET MOST
PEOPLE DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND IT,
NUMBER-ONE PROBLEM, YET MOST
PEOPLE DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND IT,
BUT IT'S REALLY QUITE SIMPLE.
PEOPLE DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND IT,
BUT IT'S REALLY QUITE SIMPLE.
INFLATION IS CAUSED BY TOO MANY
BUT IT'S REALLY QUITE SIMPLE.
INFLATION IS CAUSED BY TOO MANY
DOLLARS CHASING TOO FEW GOODS.
INFLATION IS CAUSED BY TOO MANY
DOLLARS CHASING TOO FEW GOODS.
NOW, THE EASIEST WAY TO GET
DOLLARS CHASING TOO FEW GOODS.
NOW, THE EASIEST WAY TO GET
MONEY OUT OF CIRCULATION IS TO
NOW, THE EASIEST WAY TO GET
MONEY OUT OF CIRCULATION IS TO
MAINTAIN HIGH UNEMPLOYMENT SO
MONEY OUT OF CIRCULATION IS TO
MAINTAIN HIGH UNEMPLOYMENT SO
PEOPLE WON'T HAVE JOBS OR MONEY
MAINTAIN HIGH UNEMPLOYMENT SO
PEOPLE WON'T HAVE JOBS OR MONEY
TO SPEND.
PEOPLE WON'T HAVE JOBS OR MONEY
TO SPEND.
THIS IS A PROGRAM MY
TO SPEND.
THIS IS A PROGRAM MY
ADMINISTRATION HAS ACTIVELY
THIS IS A PROGRAM MY
ADMINISTRATION HAS ACTIVELY
PURSUED.
ADMINISTRATION HAS ACTIVELY
PURSUED.
YET INFLATION CONTINUES TO RISE,
PURSUED.
YET INFLATION CONTINUES TO RISE,
AND SO TONIGHT, I'M PROPOSING A
YET INFLATION CONTINUES TO RISE,
AND SO TONIGHT, I'M PROPOSING A
NEW PROGRAM, ONE WHICH WILL CALL
AND SO TONIGHT, I'M PROPOSING A
NEW PROGRAM, ONE WHICH WILL CALL
ON ALL AMERICANS TO SACRIFICE
NEW PROGRAM, ONE WHICH WILL CALL
ON ALL AMERICANS TO SACRIFICE
ONCE AGAIN, BUT WHICH WILL,
ON ALL AMERICANS TO SACRIFICE
ONCE AGAIN, BUT WHICH WILL,
HOWEVER, HAVE IMMEDIATE EFFECT.
ONCE AGAIN, BUT WHICH WILL,
HOWEVER, HAVE IMMEDIATE EFFECT.
I'M ASKING EACH AND EVERY
HOWEVER, HAVE IMMEDIATE EFFECT.
I'M ASKING EACH AND EVERY
AMERICAN TO TAKE 8% OF YOUR
I'M ASKING EACH AND EVERY
AMERICAN TO TAKE 8% OF YOUR
MONEY AND BURN IT.
AMERICAN TO TAKE 8% OF YOUR
MONEY AND BURN IT.
NOW, I KNOW...
MONEY AND BURN IT.
NOW, I KNOW...
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
NOW, I KNOW...
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I KNOW YOU MAY BE SAYING, "WHY,
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I KNOW YOU MAY BE SAYING, "WHY,
THAT SOUNDS CRAZY, JIMMY," BUT
I KNOW YOU MAY BE SAYING, "WHY,
THAT SOUNDS CRAZY, JIMMY," BUT
IF ALL OF US BURN 8% OF OUR
THAT SOUNDS CRAZY, JIMMY," BUT
IF ALL OF US BURN 8% OF OUR
MONEY, LESS MONEY WILL BE IN
IF ALL OF US BURN 8% OF OUR
MONEY, LESS MONEY WILL BE IN
CIRCULATION.
MONEY, LESS MONEY WILL BE IN
CIRCULATION.
IN NO TIME AT ALL, PRICES WILL
CIRCULATION.
IN NO TIME AT ALL, PRICES WILL
HOPEFULLY GO DOWN, SO YOU'LL BE
IN NO TIME AT ALL, PRICES WILL
HOPEFULLY GO DOWN, SO YOU'LL BE
ABLE TO SAVE MORE OF YOUR MONEY
HOPEFULLY GO DOWN, SO YOU'LL BE
ABLE TO SAVE MORE OF YOUR MONEY
FOR FUTURE BURNINGS.
ABLE TO SAVE MORE OF YOUR MONEY
FOR FUTURE BURNINGS.
NOW, THE MOST DIFFICULT THING
FOR FUTURE BURNINGS.
NOW, THE MOST DIFFICULT THING
ABOUT ASKING FOR MUTUAL
NOW, THE MOST DIFFICULT THING
ABOUT ASKING FOR MUTUAL
SACRIFICE IS WHO WILL SACRIFICE
ABOUT ASKING FOR MUTUAL
SACRIFICE IS WHO WILL SACRIFICE
FIRST.
SACRIFICE IS WHO WILL SACRIFICE
FIRST.
SINCE I'M THE PRESIDENT, I FEEL
FIRST.
SINCE I'M THE PRESIDENT, I FEEL
THAT THE SACRIFICE SHOULD START
SINCE I'M THE PRESIDENT, I FEEL
THAT THE SACRIFICE SHOULD START
WITH MY OWN FAMILY.
THAT THE SACRIFICE SHOULD START
WITH MY OWN FAMILY.
AMY?
WITH MY OWN FAMILY.
AMY?
I HAVE ASKED MY OWN DAUGHTER,
AMY?
I HAVE ASKED MY OWN DAUGHTER,
AMY, TO BRING DOWN HER SAVINGS.
I HAVE ASKED MY OWN DAUGHTER,
AMY, TO BRING DOWN HER SAVINGS.
SWEETHEART, HOW MUCH DO YOU HAVE
AMY, TO BRING DOWN HER SAVINGS.
SWEETHEART, HOW MUCH DO YOU HAVE
IN YOUR PEANUT-BUTTER BANK?
SWEETHEART, HOW MUCH DO YOU HAVE
IN YOUR PEANUT-BUTTER BANK?
WELL, DADDY, I SAVED $12.50.
IN YOUR PEANUT-BUTTER BANK?
WELL, DADDY, I SAVED $12.50.
GOOD.
WELL, DADDY, I SAVED $12.50.
GOOD.
NOW, HONEYBUNCH, CAN YOU FIGURE
GOOD.
NOW, HONEYBUNCH, CAN YOU FIGURE
OUT WHAT 8% OF $12.50 IS?
NOW, HONEYBUNCH, CAN YOU FIGURE
OUT WHAT 8% OF $12.50 IS?
SURE, DADDY.
OUT WHAT 8% OF $12.50 IS?
SURE, DADDY.
8% OF $12.50 IS $1.
SURE, DADDY.
8% OF $12.50 IS $1.
EXACTLY $1, DADDY.
8% OF $12.50 IS $1.
EXACTLY $1, DADDY.
OKAY, AMY.
EXACTLY $1, DADDY.
OKAY, AMY.
GIVE ME A DOLLAR.
OKAY, AMY.
GIVE ME A DOLLAR.
OKAY, DADDY.
GIVE ME A DOLLAR.
OKAY, DADDY.
YOU KNOW WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO?
OKAY, DADDY.
YOU KNOW WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO?
WE'RE GONNA BURN THE DOLLAR,
YOU KNOW WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO?
WE'RE GONNA BURN THE DOLLAR,
DADDY!
WE'RE GONNA BURN THE DOLLAR,
DADDY!
THAT'S RIGHT, PEANUT-BUTTER
DADDY!
THAT'S RIGHT, PEANUT-BUTTER
CUP.
THAT'S RIGHT, PEANUT-BUTTER
CUP.
AND DO YOU KNOW WHY?
CUP.
AND DO YOU KNOW WHY?
TO FIGHT INFLATION!
AND DO YOU KNOW WHY?
TO FIGHT INFLATION!
[LIGHTER CLICKING]
TO FIGHT INFLATION!
[LIGHTER CLICKING]
WE'RE TRYING TO SAVE FUEL
[LIGHTER CLICKING]
WE'RE TRYING TO SAVE FUEL
HERE AT THE WHITE HOUSE.
WE'RE TRYING TO SAVE FUEL
HERE AT THE WHITE HOUSE.
TRYING TO SAVE ON BUTANE.
HERE AT THE WHITE HOUSE.
TRYING TO SAVE ON BUTANE.
YOU'RE A GOOD GIRL, AMY.
NOW, I'M ASKING ALL AMERICANS TO
FOLLOW THE EXAMPLE HERE SET
TONIGHT.
FOLLOW THE EXAMPLE HERE SET
TONIGHT.
MONDAY MORNING, GO TO THE BANK
TONIGHT.
MONDAY MORNING, GO TO THE BANK
AND WITHDRAW 8% OF YOUR MONEY
MONDAY MORNING, GO TO THE BANK
AND WITHDRAW 8% OF YOUR MONEY
AND BURN IT.
AND WITHDRAW 8% OF YOUR MONEY
AND BURN IT.
IF EVERYONE COOPERATES, PRICES
AND BURN IT.
IF EVERYONE COOPERATES, PRICES
MAY NOT GO LOWER, BUT THEY WILL
IF EVERYONE COOPERATES, PRICES
MAY NOT GO LOWER, BUT THEY WILL
BE ON THEIR WAY TOWARDS
MAY NOT GO LOWER, BUT THEY WILL
BE ON THEIR WAY TOWARDS
STABILIZING, AND YOU CAN DEPEND
BE ON THEIR WAY TOWARDS
STABILIZING, AND YOU CAN DEPEND
ON IT.
STABILIZING, AND YOU CAN DEPEND
ON IT.
DADDY, CAN I SAY IT?
ON IT.
DADDY, CAN I SAY IT?
WELL, ESKIMO PIE, WE GOT TO
DADDY, CAN I SAY IT?
WELL, ESKIMO PIE, WE GOT TO
BURN YOUR MONEY, SO WHY DON'T WE
WELL, ESKIMO PIE, WE GOT TO
BURN YOUR MONEY, SO WHY DON'T WE
LET DADDY SAY IT?
BURN YOUR MONEY, SO WHY DON'T WE
LET DADDY SAY IT?
OH, PLEASE, DADDY?
LET DADDY SAY IT?
OH, PLEASE, DADDY?
OKAY, IF YOU REALLY WANT TO
OH, PLEASE, DADDY?
OKAY, IF YOU REALLY WANT TO
DO IT, FOUR EYES.
OKAY, IF YOU REALLY WANT TO
DO IT, FOUR EYES.
OH, BOY!
DO IT, FOUR EYES.
OH, BOY!
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
OH, BOY!
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
[BAND PLAYS]
Announcer: IT'S...
STARRING...
WITH HIS SPECIAL GUEST...
WITH HOWARD JOHNSON...
JOHN BELUSHI...
JANE CURTIN...
GARRETT MORRIS...
JANE CURTIN...
GARRETT MORRIS...
BILL MURRAY...
GARRETT MORRIS...
BILL MURRAY...
LARAINE NEWMAN...
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
MICHAEL SARRAZIN!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I'M REALLY HAPPY TO BE HERE.
YOU KNOW, AT FIRST, I WAS A BIT
APPREHENSIVE TO DO A SHOW LIKE
YOU KNOW, AT FIRST, I WAS A BIT
APPREHENSIVE TO DO A SHOW LIKE
THIS.
APPREHENSIVE TO DO A SHOW LIKE
THIS.
I MEAN, I'VE DONE A LOT OF
THIS.
I MEAN, I'VE DONE A LOT OF
MOVIES, BUT THIS IS A TOTALLY
I MEAN, I'VE DONE A LOT OF
MOVIES, BUT THIS IS A TOTALLY
DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE FOR ME.
MOVIES, BUT THIS IS A TOTALLY
DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE FOR ME.
BUT EVERYBODY'S BEEN REAL NICE
DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE FOR ME.
BUT EVERYBODY'S BEEN REAL NICE
AROUND HERE, EVEN THOUGH A LOT
BUT EVERYBODY'S BEEN REAL NICE
AROUND HERE, EVEN THOUGH A LOT
OF THEM HAVE BEEN BUSY DOING
AROUND HERE, EVEN THOUGH A LOT
OF THEM HAVE BEEN BUSY DOING
THEIR TAX RETURNS, AND, WELL,
OF THEM HAVE BEEN BUSY DOING
THEIR TAX RETURNS, AND, WELL,
NOBODY'S REALLY HAPPY AROUND TAX
THEIR TAX RETURNS, AND, WELL,
NOBODY'S REALLY HAPPY AROUND TAX
TIME, ARE THEY?
NOBODY'S REALLY HAPPY AROUND TAX
TIME, ARE THEY?
I'M ALSO A LITTLE BIT NERVOUS
TIME, ARE THEY?
I'M ALSO A LITTLE BIT NERVOUS
ABOUT DOING THIS SHOW TONIGHT
I'M ALSO A LITTLE BIT NERVOUS
ABOUT DOING THIS SHOW TONIGHT
BECAUSE APRIL 15th, BESIDES
ABOUT DOING THIS SHOW TONIGHT
BECAUSE APRIL 15th, BESIDES
BEING TAX DAY, IS THE 66th
BECAUSE APRIL 15th, BESIDES
BEING TAX DAY, IS THE 66th
ANNIVERSARY OF THE SINKING OF
BEING TAX DAY, IS THE 66th
ANNIVERSARY OF THE SINKING OF
THE TITANIC.
ANNIVERSARY OF THE SINKING OF
THE TITANIC.
ANOTHER GOOD OMEN, HUH?
THE TITANIC.
ANOTHER GOOD OMEN, HUH?
BUT WORST OF ALL, IT'S ALSO
ANOTHER GOOD OMEN, HUH?
BUT WORST OF ALL, IT'S ALSO
BOOTH DAY.
BUT WORST OF ALL, IT'S ALSO
BOOTH DAY.
NOW, PROBABLY A LOT OF YOU DON'T
BOOTH DAY.
NOW, PROBABLY A LOT OF YOU DON'T
KNOW ABOUT BOOTH DAY.
NOW, PROBABLY A LOT OF YOU DON'T
KNOW ABOUT BOOTH DAY.
APRIL 15th IS THE DAY
KNOW ABOUT BOOTH DAY.
APRIL 15th IS THE DAY
ABRAHAM LINCOLN DIED.
APRIL 15th IS THE DAY
ABRAHAM LINCOLN DIED.
HE WAS, OF COURSE, SHOT BY
ABRAHAM LINCOLN DIED.
HE WAS, OF COURSE, SHOT BY
JOHN WILKES BOOTH...
HE WAS, OF COURSE, SHOT BY
JOHN WILKES BOOTH...
AN ACTOR.
JOHN WILKES BOOTH...
AN ACTOR.
YEAH.
AN ACTOR.
YEAH.
WELL, BOOTH GAVE US ACTORS A
YEAH.
WELL, BOOTH GAVE US ACTORS A
VERY BAD REPUTATION.
WELL, BOOTH GAVE US ACTORS A
VERY BAD REPUTATION.
IT'S A SUPERSTITION IN THE
VERY BAD REPUTATION.
IT'S A SUPERSTITION IN THE
THEATER THAT BOOTH DAY WILL BE A
IT'S A SUPERSTITION IN THE
THEATER THAT BOOTH DAY WILL BE A
BAD-LUCK DAY IN THE THEATER
THEATER THAT BOOTH DAY WILL BE A
BAD-LUCK DAY IN THE THEATER
UNTIL A PRESIDENT ASSASSINATES
BAD-LUCK DAY IN THE THEATER
UNTIL A PRESIDENT ASSASSINATES
AN ACTOR.
UNTIL A PRESIDENT ASSASSINATES
AN ACTOR.
BUT I THINK WE'RE SAFE.
AN ACTOR.
BUT I THINK WE'RE SAFE.
I'M JUST KEEPING MY FINGERS
BUT I THINK WE'RE SAFE.
I'M JUST KEEPING MY FINGERS
CROSSED THAT THIS BOOTH DAY WILL
I'M JUST KEEPING MY FINGERS
CROSSED THAT THIS BOOTH DAY WILL
BE AN EXCEPTION AND THAT NOTHING
CROSSED THAT THIS BOOTH DAY WILL
BE AN EXCEPTION AND THAT NOTHING
WILL GO WRONG.
BE AN EXCEPTION AND THAT NOTHING
WILL GO WRONG.
SO, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!
WILL GO WRONG.
SO, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HI.
I'M BEAUTIFUL BUT STUPID, AND I
FOUND THE SOAP THAT HELPS ME
I'M BEAUTIFUL BUT STUPID, AND I
FOUND THE SOAP THAT HELPS ME
STAY THAT WAY.
FOUND THE SOAP THAT HELPS ME
STAY THAT WAY.
MY HUSBAND SAYS I LOOK NATURAL
STAY THAT WAY.
MY HUSBAND SAYS I LOOK NATURAL
AND UNSPOILED, AND HE LOVES THE
MY HUSBAND SAYS I LOOK NATURAL
AND UNSPOILED, AND HE LOVES THE
WAY I NEVER BOTHER HIM WITH MY
AND UNSPOILED, AND HE LOVES THE
WAY I NEVER BOTHER HIM WITH MY
OPINIONS.
WAY I NEVER BOTHER HIM WITH MY
OPINIONS.
LET'S FACE IT... GOOD LOOKS AND
OPINIONS.
LET'S FACE IT... GOOD LOOKS AND
COMPLEX HUMAN EMOTIONS JUST
LET'S FACE IT... GOOD LOOKS AND
COMPLEX HUMAN EMOTIONS JUST
DON'T MIX.
COMPLEX HUMAN EMOTIONS JUST
DON'T MIX.
I GUESS THAT'S WHY I USE
DON'T MIX.
I GUESS THAT'S WHY I USE
ANGORA BOUQUET WITH pH FORMULA
I GUESS THAT'S WHY I USE
ANGORA BOUQUET WITH pH FORMULA
23.
ANGORA BOUQUET WITH pH FORMULA
23.
ANGORA BOUQUET'S THOUSANDS OF
23.
ANGORA BOUQUET'S THOUSANDS OF
TINY TRANQUILIZERS PENETRATE
ANGORA BOUQUET'S THOUSANDS OF
TINY TRANQUILIZERS PENETRATE
YOUR SKIN TO WASH REALITY AWAY
TINY TRANQUILIZERS PENETRATE
YOUR SKIN TO WASH REALITY AWAY
AND MAKE YOUR MIND AND SKIN AS
YOUR SKIN TO WASH REALITY AWAY
AND MAKE YOUR MIND AND SKIN AS
CLEAR AS A BABY'S.
AND MAKE YOUR MIND AND SKIN AS
CLEAR AS A BABY'S.
YOU SEE, ANGORA BOUQUET ACTUALLY
CLEAR AS A BABY'S.
YOU SEE, ANGORA BOUQUET ACTUALLY
CONTAINS METHAQUALONE, THE SAME
YOU SEE, ANGORA BOUQUET ACTUALLY
CONTAINS METHAQUALONE, THE SAME
TRANQUILIZING AGENT THAT IS
CONTAINS METHAQUALONE, THE SAME
TRANQUILIZING AGENT THAT IS
FOUND IN THOSE LARGE WHITE PILLS
TRANQUILIZING AGENT THAT IS
FOUND IN THOSE LARGE WHITE PILLS
I OFTEN COME ACROSS IN
FOUND IN THOSE LARGE WHITE PILLS
I OFTEN COME ACROSS IN
BILL JR.'s JEANS POCKETS WHEN I
I OFTEN COME ACROSS IN
BILL JR.'s JEANS POCKETS WHEN I
DO THE LAUNDRY.
BILL JR.'s JEANS POCKETS WHEN I
DO THE LAUNDRY.
HONEY, WHY DON'T YOU TRY THIS
DO THE LAUNDRY.
HONEY, WHY DON'T YOU TRY THIS
OTHER SIDE OF THE RAKE HERE?
HONEY, WHY DON'T YOU TRY THIS
OTHER SIDE OF THE RAKE HERE?
A LITTLE MORE LEAVES THAT WAY.
OTHER SIDE OF THE RAKE HERE?
A LITTLE MORE LEAVES THAT WAY.
I GUESS THAT'S WHY MY SOAP IS
A LITTLE MORE LEAVES THAT WAY.
I GUESS THAT'S WHY MY SOAP IS
ANGORA BOUQUET WITH pH FORMULA
I GUESS THAT'S WHY MY SOAP IS
ANGORA BOUQUET WITH pH FORMULA
23.
ANGORA BOUQUET WITH pH FORMULA
23.
ANGORA BOUQUET...
23.
ANGORA BOUQUET...
WITH pH FORMULA 23.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
HEY, SUSIE.
I HAVEN'T TOLD MY PARENTS YET,
HEY, SUSIE.
I HAVEN'T TOLD MY PARENTS YET,
BUT I'VE DECIDED NOT TO GO AWAY
I HAVEN'T TOLD MY PARENTS YET,
BUT I'VE DECIDED NOT TO GO AWAY
TO COLLEGE NEXT YEAR SO THAT WE
BUT I'VE DECIDED NOT TO GO AWAY
TO COLLEGE NEXT YEAR SO THAT WE
CAN GET MARRIED.
TO COLLEGE NEXT YEAR SO THAT WE
CAN GET MARRIED.
OH, JOHNNY!
CAN GET MARRIED.
OH, JOHNNY!
THAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY!
OH, JOHNNY!
THAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY!
OKAY, OKAY, QUIET DOWN,
THAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY!
OKAY, OKAY, QUIET DOWN,
PLEASE, CLASS?
OKAY, OKAY, QUIET DOWN,
PLEASE, CLASS?
QUIET DOWN.
PLEASE, CLASS?
QUIET DOWN.
NOW, FOR HOMEROOM, WE HAVE A
QUIET DOWN.
NOW, FOR HOMEROOM, WE HAVE A
GUEST... MR. JOSH RAMSEY, WHO
NOW, FOR HOMEROOM, WE HAVE A
GUEST... MR. JOSH RAMSEY, WHO
WAS NICE ENOUGH TO COME OVER
GUEST... MR. JOSH RAMSEY, WHO
WAS NICE ENOUGH TO COME OVER
FROM THE COUNTY HEALTH CLINIC TO
WAS NICE ENOUGH TO COME OVER
FROM THE COUNTY HEALTH CLINIC TO
TALK TO US.
FROM THE COUNTY HEALTH CLINIC TO
TALK TO US.
MR. RAMSEY?
TALK TO US.
MR. RAMSEY?
THANK YOU, MISS ANDERSON.
MR. RAMSEY?
THANK YOU, MISS ANDERSON.
I'VE COME TO TALK TO YOU ALL ON
THANK YOU, MISS ANDERSON.
I'VE COME TO TALK TO YOU ALL ON
A PROBLEM THAT HAS REACHED
I'VE COME TO TALK TO YOU ALL ON
A PROBLEM THAT HAS REACHED
NEAR-EPIDEMIC PROPORTIONS HERE
A PROBLEM THAT HAS REACHED
NEAR-EPIDEMIC PROPORTIONS HERE
AT LINCOLN HIGH.
NEAR-EPIDEMIC PROPORTIONS HERE
AT LINCOLN HIGH.
I'M TALKING, OF COURSE, ABOUT
AT LINCOLN HIGH.
I'M TALKING, OF COURSE, ABOUT
VENEREAL DISEASE.
Announcer: STARRING
PETER FONDA...
NOW, I HEARD SOME OF YOU GIGGLE
WHEN I SAID "V.D.," AND,
ACTUALLY, THAT'S QUITE NATURAL.
PEOPLE GIGGLE AT THINGS THEY
DON'T UNDERSTAND, ESPECIALLY
SEX.
DON'T UNDERSTAND, ESPECIALLY
SEX.
THAT'S RIGHT... SEX, AND IT'S
SEX.
THAT'S RIGHT... SEX, AND IT'S
VIRTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO GET V.D.
THAT'S RIGHT... SEX, AND IT'S
VIRTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO GET V.D.
EXCEPT THROUGH SEXUAL CONTACT.
VIRTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO GET V.D.
EXCEPT THROUGH SEXUAL CONTACT.
ANYONE WHO TELLS YOU YOU CAN GET
EXCEPT THROUGH SEXUAL CONTACT.
ANYONE WHO TELLS YOU YOU CAN GET
V.D. FROM A DOORKNOB OR A TOILET
ANYONE WHO TELLS YOU YOU CAN GET
V.D. FROM A DOORKNOB OR A TOILET
SEAT IS JUST FULL OF PRUNES.
V.D. FROM A DOORKNOB OR A TOILET
SEAT IS JUST FULL OF PRUNES.
V.D. CAN CAUSE BLINDNESS,
SEAT IS JUST FULL OF PRUNES.
V.D. CAN CAUSE BLINDNESS,
INSANITY... EVEN DEATH.
V.D. CAN CAUSE BLINDNESS,
INSANITY... EVEN DEATH.
LET ME SHOW YOU SOMETHING HERE.
INSANITY... EVEN DEATH.
LET ME SHOW YOU SOMETHING HERE.
[GASPS]
LET ME SHOW YOU SOMETHING HERE.
[GASPS]
YES.
[GASPS]
YES.
THIS IS A PICTURE OF A MAN IN
YES.
THIS IS A PICTURE OF A MAN IN
THE THIRD STAGE OF SYPHILIS.
THIS IS A PICTURE OF A MAN IN
THE THIRD STAGE OF SYPHILIS.
IF YOU HAVE A GENITAL SORE, A
THE THIRD STAGE OF SYPHILIS.
IF YOU HAVE A GENITAL SORE, A
BODY RASH, A BURNING SENSATION
IF YOU HAVE A GENITAL SORE, A
BODY RASH, A BURNING SENSATION
WHEN URINATING, OR A MILKY
BODY RASH, A BURNING SENSATION
WHEN URINATING, OR A MILKY
EMISSION, YOU MAY HAVE VENEREAL
WHEN URINATING, OR A MILKY
EMISSION, YOU MAY HAVE VENEREAL
DISEASE.
EMISSION, YOU MAY HAVE VENEREAL
DISEASE.
NOW, WE AT THE COUNTY HEALTH
DISEASE.
NOW, WE AT THE COUNTY HEALTH
CLINIC WANT YOU TO COME IN AND
NOW, WE AT THE COUNTY HEALTH
CLINIC WANT YOU TO COME IN AND
SEE US IF YOU THINK YOU MIGHT
CLINIC WANT YOU TO COME IN AND
SEE US IF YOU THINK YOU MIGHT
HAVE V.D., AND THERE'S NOTHING
SEE US IF YOU THINK YOU MIGHT
HAVE V.D., AND THERE'S NOTHING
TO BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT.
HAVE V.D., AND THERE'S NOTHING
TO BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT.
ANYBODY CAN GET V.D...
TO BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT.
ANYBODY CAN GET V.D...
MIDDLE-CLASS, INTELLIGENT, NICE
ANYBODY CAN GET V.D...
MIDDLE-CLASS, INTELLIGENT, NICE
PEOPLE.
MIDDLE-CLASS, INTELLIGENT, NICE
PEOPLE.
NOW, ARE THERE ANY QUESTIONS?
PEOPLE.
NOW, ARE THERE ANY QUESTIONS?
UH, YEAH.
NOW, ARE THERE ANY QUESTIONS?
UH, YEAH.
UH, DID YOU EVER HAVE V.D.?
UH, YEAH.
UH, DID YOU EVER HAVE V.D.?
NO!
UH, DID YOU EVER HAVE V.D.?
NO!
[BELL RINGS]
NO!
[BELL RINGS]
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
[BELL RINGS]
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
NOW, WAIT JUST A SECOND.
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
NOW, WAIT JUST A SECOND.
WAIT JUST A SECOND, EVERYBODY.
NOW, WAIT JUST A SECOND.
WAIT JUST A SECOND, EVERYBODY.
NOW, I THINK WHAT MR. RAMSEY
WAIT JUST A SECOND, EVERYBODY.
NOW, I THINK WHAT MR. RAMSEY
SAID IS VERY IMPORTANT, AND I
NOW, I THINK WHAT MR. RAMSEY
SAID IS VERY IMPORTANT, AND I
WANT YOU ALL TO THINK ABOUT IT.
SAID IS VERY IMPORTANT, AND I
WANT YOU ALL TO THINK ABOUT IT.
OKAY, YOU CAN GO.
WANT YOU ALL TO THINK ABOUT IT.
OKAY, YOU CAN GO.
HEY, UH, SEE YOU AFTER THE
OKAY, YOU CAN GO.
HEY, UH, SEE YOU AFTER THE
BIG GAME TONIGHT.
HEY, UH, SEE YOU AFTER THE
BIG GAME TONIGHT.
OKAY, JOHNNY.
BIG GAME TONIGHT.
OKAY, JOHNNY.
UH, MR. RAMSEY, I WONDER IF I
OKAY, JOHNNY.
UH, MR. RAMSEY, I WONDER IF I
COULD COME VISIT YOU AT THE
UH, MR. RAMSEY, I WONDER IF I
COULD COME VISIT YOU AT THE
CLINIC.
COULD COME VISIT YOU AT THE
CLINIC.
SURE.
CLINIC.
SURE.
WHY NOT AFTER SCHOOL?
SURE.
WHY NOT AFTER SCHOOL?
WELL, I'D HAVE TO SKIP
WHY NOT AFTER SCHOOL?
WELL, I'D HAVE TO SKIP
CHEERLEADER PRACTICE, BUT...I
WELL, I'D HAVE TO SKIP
CHEERLEADER PRACTICE, BUT... I
GUESS IT'S KIND OF IMPORTANT.
IT ISN'T LIKE SUSIE TO MISS
PRACTICE.
I HOPE THERE ISN'T ANYTHING
PRACTICE.
I HOPE THERE ISN'T ANYTHING
WRONG.
I HOPE THERE ISN'T ANYTHING
WRONG.
OH, GOD, I HOPE NOT.
SO I DECIDED TO COME SEE YOU.
I'M GLAD YOU DID, SUSIE.
IT CERTAINLY SOUNDS LIKE V.D. TO
I'M GLAD YOU DID, SUSIE.
IT CERTAINLY SOUNDS LIKE V.D. TO
ME.
IT CERTAINLY SOUNDS LIKE V.D. TO
ME.
DO I GET MY PENICILLIN SHOT
ME.
DO I GET MY PENICILLIN SHOT
NOW?
DO I GET MY PENICILLIN SHOT
NOW?
WELL, LET'S WAIT TILL THE
NOW?
WELL, LET'S WAIT TILL THE
TESTS COME BACK, BUT NO SEX,
WELL, LET'S WAIT TILL THE
TESTS COME BACK, BUT NO SEX,
SUSIE.
TESTS COME BACK, BUT NO SEX,
SUSIE.
OH, I KNOW.
SUSIE.
OH, I KNOW.
WELL, THANKS.
OH, I KNOW.
WELL, THANKS.
I GUESS I'LL GO NOW.
WELL, THANKS.
I GUESS I'LL GO NOW.
FINE... AS SOON AS YOU GIVE
I GUESS I'LL GO NOW.
FINE... AS SOON AS YOU GIVE
ME THE LIST OF YOUR SEXUAL
FINE... AS SOON AS YOU GIVE
ME THE LIST OF YOUR SEXUAL
CONTACTS.
ME THE LIST OF YOUR SEXUAL
CONTACTS.
SEXUAL CONTACTS?
CONTACTS.
SEXUAL CONTACTS?
YES.
SEXUAL CONTACTS?
YES.
YOU KNOW... ANY BOYS YOU'VE HAD
YES.
YOU KNOW... ANY BOYS YOU'VE HAD
SEX WITH.
YOU KNOW... ANY BOYS YOU'VE HAD
SEX WITH.
OR GIRLS.
SEX WITH.
OR GIRLS.
NO, THERE'S NOTHING TO BE
OR GIRLS.
NO, THERE'S NOTHING TO BE
EMBARRASSED ABOUT.
NO, THERE'S NOTHING TO BE
EMBARRASSED ABOUT.
BUT I CAN'T!
EMBARRASSED ABOUT.
BUT I CAN'T!
SUSIE, FRIENDS WHOM YOU'VE
BUT I CAN'T!
SUSIE, FRIENDS WHOM YOU'VE
HAD SEX WITH COULD SUFFER
SUSIE, FRIENDS WHOM YOU'VE
HAD SEX WITH COULD SUFFER
IRREVERSIBLE PHYSICAL AND MENTAL
HAD SEX WITH COULD SUFFER
IRREVERSIBLE PHYSICAL AND MENTAL
DAMAGE IF YOU DON'T TELL ME WHO
IRREVERSIBLE PHYSICAL AND MENTAL
DAMAGE IF YOU DON'T TELL ME WHO
THEY ARE.
DAMAGE IF YOU DON'T TELL ME WHO
THEY ARE.
BUT... BUT JOHNNY...
THEY ARE.
BUT... BUT JOHNNY...
JOHNNY?
BUT... BUT JOHNNY...
JOHNNY?
JOHNNY WHO?
JOHNNY?
JOHNNY WHO?
WE WERE GONNA GET MARRIED.
JOHNNY WHO?
WE WERE GONNA GET MARRIED.
IF HE FINDS OUT I HAVE V.D.,
WE WERE GONNA GET MARRIED.
IF HE FINDS OUT I HAVE V.D.,
HE'LL KNOW I'VE HAD SEX WITH
IF HE FINDS OUT I HAVE V.D.,
HE'LL KNOW I'VE HAD SEX WITH
SOMEONE ELSE.
HE'LL KNOW I'VE HAD SEX WITH
SOMEONE ELSE.
MAYBE HE GAVE IT TO YOU.
SOMEONE ELSE.
MAYBE HE GAVE IT TO YOU.
NO.
MAYBE HE GAVE IT TO YOU.
NO.
JOHNNY'S SUPER STRAIGHT.
NO.
JOHNNY'S SUPER STRAIGHT.
I MUST HAVE GOTTEN IT THAT ONE
JOHNNY'S SUPER STRAIGHT.
I MUST HAVE GOTTEN IT THAT ONE
TIME... THAT ONE STUPID TIME...
I MUST HAVE GOTTEN IT THAT ONE
TIME... THAT ONE STUPID TIME...
SUSIE, YOU OWE IT TO THE
TIME... THAT ONE STUPID TIME...
SUSIE, YOU OWE IT TO THE
OTHER BOY, AND MOST OF ALL, YOU
SUSIE, YOU OWE IT TO THE
OTHER BOY, AND MOST OF ALL, YOU
OWE IT TO JOHNNY.
OTHER BOY, AND MOST OF ALL, YOU
OWE IT TO JOHNNY.
NOW TELL ME JOHNNY'S LAST NAME?
OWE IT TO JOHNNY.
NOW TELL ME JOHNNY'S LAST NAME?
I CAN'T.
NOW TELL ME JOHNNY'S LAST NAME?
I CAN'T.
I LOVE HIM.
I CAN'T.
I LOVE HIM.
DON'T YOU REALIZE?
I LOVE HIM.
DON'T YOU REALIZE?
HE'LL FIND OUT SOONER OR LATER!
DON'T YOU REALIZE?
HE'LL FIND OUT SOONER OR LATER!
NO...
HE'LL FIND OUT SOONER OR LATER!
NO...
MAYBE HE DOESN'T HAVE TO.
NO...
MAYBE HE DOESN'T HAVE TO.
MAYBE I COULD GET ONE OF MY
MAYBE HE DOESN'T HAVE TO.
MAYBE I COULD GET ONE OF MY
GIRLFRIENDS TO SEDUCE HIM, AND
MAYBE I COULD GET ONE OF MY
GIRLFRIENDS TO SEDUCE HIM, AND
THEN HE'LL THINK SHE GAVE IT TO
GIRLFRIENDS TO SEDUCE HIM, AND
THEN HE'LL THINK SHE GAVE IT TO
HIM.
THEN HE'LL THINK SHE GAVE IT TO
HIM.
IT'S A WEIRD IDEA, BUT A
HIM.
IT'S A WEIRD IDEA, BUT A
POSSIBILITY.
IT'S A WEIRD IDEA, BUT A
POSSIBILITY.
SUSIE, YOU CAN'T PLAY GAMES
POSSIBILITY.
SUSIE, YOU CAN'T PLAY GAMES
WITH VENEREAL DISEASE.
SUSIE, YOU CAN'T PLAY GAMES
WITH VENEREAL DISEASE.
IT'S A LOADED PISTOL POINTED
WITH VENEREAL DISEASE.
IT'S A LOADED PISTOL POINTED
RIGHT AT YOUR CROTCH!
IT'S A LOADED PISTOL POINTED
RIGHT AT YOUR CROTCH!
WHOO!
RIGHT AT YOUR CROTCH!
WHOO!
BOY.
WHOO!
BOY.
I FEEL GREAT.
BOY.
I FEEL GREAT.
YEAH, ME, TOO, MAN.
I FEEL GREAT.
YEAH, ME, TOO, MAN.
WE'RE GONNA STOP WASHINGTON
YEAH, ME, TOO, MAN.
WE'RE GONNA STOP WASHINGTON
TONIGHT FOR SURE.
WE'RE GONNA STOP WASHINGTON
TONIGHT FOR SURE.
YEAH.
TONIGHT FOR SURE.
YEAH.
I GOT TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.
YEAH.
I GOT TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.
OKAY.
I GOT TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.
OKAY.
[SCREAMS]
OKAY.
[SCREAMS]
OW!
BOY, MY PENIS SURE HURTS WHEN I
URINATE.
HEY, REMEMBER WHAT THAT GUY
URINATE.
HEY, REMEMBER WHAT THAT GUY
FROM THE HEALTH CLINIC SAID?
HEY, REMEMBER WHAT THAT GUY
FROM THE HEALTH CLINIC SAID?
MAYBE YOU GOT V.D.
FROM THE HEALTH CLINIC SAID?
MAYBE YOU GOT V.D.
I GAVE THAT A THOUGHT, BUT
MAYBE YOU GOT V.D.
I GAVE THAT A THOUGHT, BUT
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
I GAVE THAT A THOUGHT, BUT
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
HE SAID THAT THE ONLY WAY YOU
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
HE SAID THAT THE ONLY WAY YOU
CAN GET V.D. IS FROM SEX.
HE SAID THAT THE ONLY WAY YOU
CAN GET V.D. IS FROM SEX.
THE ONLY GIRL I'VE HAD SEX
CAN GET V.D. IS FROM SEX.
THE ONLY GIRL I'VE HAD SEX
WITH IS SUSIE.
THE ONLY GIRL I'VE HAD SEX
WITH IS SUSIE.
MAYBE SHE GAVE IT TO YOU.
WITH IS SUSIE.
MAYBE SHE GAVE IT TO YOU.
IF YOU EVER SAY THAT ABOUT
MAYBE SHE GAVE IT TO YOU.
IF YOU EVER SAY THAT ABOUT
SUSIE AGAIN, I'LL KILL YOU.
IF YOU EVER SAY THAT ABOUT
SUSIE AGAIN, I'LL KILL YOU.
OKAY.
SUSIE AGAIN, I'LL KILL YOU.
OKAY.
[MARCHING BAND PLAYS]
YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE.
YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE.
ANYONE WHO HAS HAD SEX WITH
YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE.
ANYONE WHO HAS HAD SEX WITH
SUSIE EDWARDS PLEASE REPORT TO
ANYONE WHO HAS HAD SEX WITH
SUSIE EDWARDS PLEASE REPORT TO
THE FIRST-AID STATION.
SUSIE EDWARDS PLEASE REPORT TO
THE FIRST-AID STATION.
SHE HAS VENEREAL DISEASE.
THE FIRST-AID STATION.
SHE HAS VENEREAL DISEASE.
REPEAT... ANYONE WHO HAS HAD SEX
SHE HAS VENEREAL DISEASE.
REPEAT... ANYONE WHO HAS HAD SEX
WITH SUSIE EDWARDS PLEASE REPORT
REPEAT... ANYONE WHO HAS HAD SEX
WITH SUSIE EDWARDS PLEASE REPORT
TO THE FIRST-AID STATION
WITH SUSIE EDWARDS PLEASE REPORT
TO THE FIRST-AID STATION
IMMEDIATELY.
TO THE FIRST-AID STATION
IMMEDIATELY.
SHE HAS VENEREAL DISEASE.
OH, SON, I HEARD YOU WON THE
GAME.
YEAH.
GAME.
YEAH.
IT MUST FEEL GREAT.
YEAH.
IT MUST FEEL GREAT.
YEAH.
IT MUST FEEL GREAT.
YEAH.
NO, SOMETHING'S WRONG.
YEAH.
NO, SOMETHING'S WRONG.
A MOTHER CAN ALWAYS TELL.
NO, SOMETHING'S WRONG.
A MOTHER CAN ALWAYS TELL.
THERE'S A PICTURE HERE IN THE
A MOTHER CAN ALWAYS TELL.
THERE'S A PICTURE HERE IN THE
PAPER OF SUSIE EDWARDS.
THERE'S A PICTURE HERE IN THE
PAPER OF SUSIE EDWARDS.
SHE'S A FRIEND OF YOURS, ISN'T
PAPER OF SUSIE EDWARDS.
SHE'S A FRIEND OF YOURS, ISN'T
SHE, JOHNNY?
SHE'S A FRIEND OF YOURS, ISN'T
SHE, JOHNNY?
SAYS HERE, UH, SHE HAS VENEREAL
SHE, JOHNNY?
SAYS HERE, UH, SHE HAS VENEREAL
DISEASE.
SAYS HERE, UH, SHE HAS VENEREAL
DISEASE.
MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T BE SEEING
DISEASE.
MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T BE SEEING
THAT KIND OF GIRL, JOHNNY.
MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T BE SEEING
THAT KIND OF GIRL, JOHNNY.
IT SAYS HERE THAT HEALTH
THAT KIND OF GIRL, JOHNNY.
IT SAYS HERE THAT HEALTH
AUTHORITIES ARE LOOKING FOR TWO
IT SAYS HERE THAT HEALTH
AUTHORITIES ARE LOOKING FOR TWO
BOYS WHO HAVE HAD SEX WITH HER,
AUTHORITIES ARE LOOKING FOR TWO
BOYS WHO HAVE HAD SEX WITH HER,
ONE NAMED JOHNNY.
BOYS WHO HAVE HAD SEX WITH HER,
ONE NAMED JOHNNY.
JOHNNY?
ONE NAMED JOHNNY.
JOHNNY?
JOHNNY, HAVE YOU BEEN... BEEN
JOHNNY?
JOHNNY, HAVE YOU BEEN... BEEN
WITH SUSIE EDWARDS?
JOHNNY, HAVE YOU BEEN... BEEN
WITH SUSIE EDWARDS?
YES.
WITH SUSIE EDWARDS?
YES.
I'VE HAD SEX WITH HER, IF THAT'S
YES.
I'VE HAD SEX WITH HER, IF THAT'S
WHAT YOU MEAN.
I'VE HAD SEX WITH HER, IF THAT'S
WHAT YOU MEAN.
OH, MY GOD!
HOW DARE YOU HAVE SEX?!
DID YOU DO IT WITH ANY OTHER
LITTLE SLUTS?
DID YOU DO IT WITH ANY OTHER
LITTLE SLUTS?
NO!
LITTLE SLUTS?
NO!
I LOVED SUSIE!
NO!
I LOVED SUSIE!
I WANTED TO MARRY HER.
I LOVED SUSIE!
I WANTED TO MARRY HER.
MARRY HER?
I WANTED TO MARRY HER.
MARRY HER?
HOW COULD YOU WANT TO MARRY A
MARRY HER?
HOW COULD YOU WANT TO MARRY A
GIRL YOU'VE HAD SEX WITH?
HOW COULD YOU WANT TO MARRY A
GIRL YOU'VE HAD SEX WITH?
MY MOTHER ONCE TOLD ME WHY EAT
GIRL YOU'VE HAD SEX WITH?
MY MOTHER ONCE TOLD ME WHY EAT
GARBAGE ON YOUR WEDDING NIGHT
MY MOTHER ONCE TOLD ME WHY EAT
GARBAGE ON YOUR WEDDING NIGHT
WHEN YOU CAN EAT STEAK?!
GARBAGE ON YOUR WEDDING NIGHT
WHEN YOU CAN EAT STEAK?!
I'M SO CONFUSED!
WHEN YOU CAN EAT STEAK?!
I'M SO CONFUSED!
[DOORBELL RINGS]
I'M SO CONFUSED!
[DOORBELL RINGS]
A DOORBELL!
[DOORBELL RINGS]
A DOORBELL!
WHO COULD THIS BE AT THIS TIME
A DOORBELL!
WHO COULD THIS BE AT THIS TIME
OF NIGHT?
WHO COULD THIS BE AT THIS TIME
OF NIGHT?
HI, I'M JOSH RAMSEY, V.D.
OF NIGHT?
HI, I'M JOSH RAMSEY, V.D.
CASEWORKER.
HI, I'M JOSH RAMSEY, V.D.
CASEWORKER.
YOU MUST BE JOHNNY'S FATHER.
CASEWORKER.
YOU MUST BE JOHNNY'S FATHER.
YES, I AM.
YOU MUST BE JOHNNY'S FATHER.
YES, I AM.
IF IT'S OKAY, WE'D LIKE TO
YES, I AM.
IF IT'S OKAY, WE'D LIKE TO
HAVE A FEW WORDS WITH YOU.
IF IT'S OKAY, WE'D LIKE TO
HAVE A FEW WORDS WITH YOU.
DOES SHE HAVE TO COME IN?
HAVE A FEW WORDS WITH YOU.
DOES SHE HAVE TO COME IN?
I THINK IT'S THE RIGHT THING
DOES SHE HAVE TO COME IN?
I THINK IT'S THE RIGHT THING
TO DO, MR. LUDLOW.
I THINK IT'S THE RIGHT THING
TO DO, MR. LUDLOW.
ALL RIGHT.
TO DO, MR. LUDLOW.
ALL RIGHT.
SHE CAN COME IN, BUT SHE CAN'T
ALL RIGHT.
SHE CAN COME IN, BUT SHE CAN'T
USE THE BATHROOM!
SHE CAN COME IN, BUT SHE CAN'T
USE THE BATHROOM!
THANK YOU, MRS. LUDLOW.
USE THE BATHROOM!
THANK YOU, MRS. LUDLOW.
WELL, IF SHE'S COMING IN, I'M
THANK YOU, MRS. LUDLOW.
WELL, IF SHE'S COMING IN, I'M
LEAVING.
WELL, IF SHE'S COMING IN, I'M
LEAVING.
WELL, WAIT A MINUTE, JOHNNY.
LEAVING.
WELL, WAIT A MINUTE, JOHNNY.
SUSIE CAME HERE AT MY
WELL, WAIT A MINUTE, JOHNNY.
SUSIE CAME HERE AT MY
INSISTENCE.
SUSIE CAME HERE AT MY
INSISTENCE.
I'M SORRY I HURT YOU, JOHNNY.
INSISTENCE.
I'M SORRY I HURT YOU, JOHNNY.
I HOPE YOU DON'T HATE ME.
I'M SORRY I HURT YOU, JOHNNY.
I HOPE YOU DON'T HATE ME.
I'M SORRY, BUT I DO.
I HOPE YOU DON'T HATE ME.
I'M SORRY, BUT I DO.
IT'S OKAY TO HATE HER,
I'M SORRY, BUT I DO.
IT'S OKAY TO HATE HER,
JOHNNY.
IT'S OKAY TO HATE HER,
JOHNNY.
SHE KNEW THE RISKS SHE WAS
JOHNNY.
SHE KNEW THE RISKS SHE WAS
TAKING WHEN SHE HAD SEX WITH
SHE KNEW THE RISKS SHE WAS
TAKING WHEN SHE HAD SEX WITH
ANOTHER BOY.
TAKING WHEN SHE HAD SEX WITH
ANOTHER BOY.
IT WAS JUST ONCE, I SWEAR IT.
ANOTHER BOY.
IT WAS JUST ONCE, I SWEAR IT.
I'M SORRY, BUT I CAN'T
IT WAS JUST ONCE, I SWEAR IT.
I'M SORRY, BUT I CAN'T
BELIEVE YOU ANYMORE, SUSIE.
I'M SORRY, BUT I CAN'T
BELIEVE YOU ANYMORE, SUSIE.
I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
BELIEVE YOU ANYMORE, SUSIE.
I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
I'LL GET IT.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
I'LL GET IT.
HELLO?
I'LL GET IT.
HELLO?
Hello, this is the county
HELLO?
Hello, this is the county
health clinic.
Hello, this is the county
health clinic.
Is V.D. caseworker Josh Ramsey
health clinic.
Is V.D. caseworker Josh Ramsey
there?
Is V.D. caseworker Josh Ramsey
there?
YES, HE IS.
There?
YES, HE IS.
MR. RAMSEY, IT'S FOR YOU.
YES, HE IS.
MR. RAMSEY, IT'S FOR YOU.
OH, THANK YOU, MRS. LUDLOW.
MR. RAMSEY, IT'S FOR YOU.
OH, THANK YOU, MRS. LUDLOW.
JOSH RAMSEY.
OH, THANK YOU, MRS. LUDLOW.
JOSH RAMSEY.
Josh, those test results are
JOSH RAMSEY.
Josh, those test results are
in on the Edwards girl.
Josh, those test results are
in on the Edwards girl.
It's not gonorrhea.
In on the Edwards girl.
It's not gonorrhea.
She's got a simple yeast
It's not gonorrhea.
She's got a simple yeast
infection.
She's got a simple yeast
infection.
AH, THANK YOU, SETH.
Infection.
AH, THANK YOU, SETH.
Check that.
AH, THANK YOU, SETH.
Check that.
WELL, SAY, EVERYBODY, I HAVE
Check that.
WELL, SAY, EVERYBODY, I HAVE
SOME INTERESTING NEWS.
WELL, SAY, EVERYBODY, I HAVE
SOME INTERESTING NEWS.
IT SEEMS THAT SUSIE DOESN'T HAVE
SOME INTERESTING NEWS.
IT SEEMS THAT SUSIE DOESN'T HAVE
VENEREAL DISEASE AFTER ALL.
IT SEEMS THAT SUSIE DOESN'T HAVE
VENEREAL DISEASE AFTER ALL.
IT'S JUST A SIMPLE YEAST
VENEREAL DISEASE AFTER ALL.
IT'S JUST A SIMPLE YEAST
INFECTION.
IT'S JUST A SIMPLE YEAST
INFECTION.
YEAST INFECTION?
INFECTION.
YEAST INFECTION?
YES, AN UNPLEASANT INFECTION
YEAST INFECTION?
YES, AN UNPLEASANT INFECTION
CAUSED BY ANY NUMBER OF THINGS,
YES, AN UNPLEASANT INFECTION
CAUSED BY ANY NUMBER OF THINGS,
BUT NOT V.D.
CAUSED BY ANY NUMBER OF THINGS,
BUT NOT V.D.
WELL, I GUESS YOU WON'T BE
BUT NOT V.D.
WELL, I GUESS YOU WON'T BE
NEEDING THAT PENICILLIN SHOT
WELL, I GUESS YOU WON'T BE
NEEDING THAT PENICILLIN SHOT
AFTER ALL, SUSIE.
NEEDING THAT PENICILLIN SHOT
AFTER ALL, SUSIE.
BUT HOW COME MY PENIS HURTS
AFTER ALL, SUSIE.
BUT HOW COME MY PENIS HURTS
SO MUCH WHEN I URINATE?
BUT HOW COME MY PENIS HURTS
SO MUCH WHEN I URINATE?
WELL, IT'S PROBABLY
SO MUCH WHEN I URINATE?
WELL, IT'S PROBABLY
NONSPECIFIC URETHRITIS
WELL, IT'S PROBABLY
NONSPECIFIC URETHRITIS
AGGRAVATED BY SUSIE'S YEAST
NONSPECIFIC URETHRITIS
AGGRAVATED BY SUSIE'S YEAST
INFECTION.
AGGRAVATED BY SUSIE'S YEAST
INFECTION.
NOTHING SERIOUS, JOHNNY... JUST
INFECTION.
NOTHING SERIOUS, JOHNNY... JUST
EASE OFF SEX FOR A WHILE, STAY
NOTHING SERIOUS, JOHNNY... JUST
EASE OFF SEX FOR A WHILE, STAY
AWAY FROM ALCOHOL, DRINK A LOT
EASE OFF SEX FOR A WHILE, STAY
AWAY FROM ALCOHOL, DRINK A LOT
OF CRANBERRY JUICE... YOU'LL BE
AWAY FROM ALCOHOL, DRINK A LOT
OF CRANBERRY JUICE... YOU'LL BE
FINE.
OF CRANBERRY JUICE... YOU'LL BE
FINE.
JOHNNY, DO YOU STILL HATE ME?
FINE.
JOHNNY, DO YOU STILL HATE ME?
YES, I STILL HATE YOU.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
KEITH JARRETT.
[PIANO PLAYS UP-TEMPO MUSIC]
[APPLAUSE]
♪ HERE I AM ♪
♪ HERE IN MY HOUSE ♪
♪ MAKING A CROWN ♪
♪ HERE IN MY HOUSE ♪
♪ MAKING A CROWN ♪
♪ AND MY SISTER, JENNIFER, HAD
♪ MAKING A CROWN ♪
♪ AND MY SISTER, JENNIFER, HAD
TO GO TO HER ROOM FOR HITTING
♪ AND MY SISTER, JENNIFER, HAD
TO GO TO HER ROOM FOR HITTING
ME ♪
TO GO TO HER ROOM FOR HITTING
ME ♪
♪ AND SHE MAKES ME SICK ♪
ME ♪
♪ AND SHE MAKES ME SICK ♪
♪ OH, YES, SHE DOES ♪
♪ AND SHE MAKES ME SICK ♪
♪ OH, YES, SHE DOES ♪
♪ SHE MAKES ME VERY, VERY, VERY,
♪ OH, YES, SHE DOES ♪
♪ SHE MAKES ME VERY, VERY, VERY,
VERY, VERY, VERY, SICK ♪
♪ SHE MAKES ME VERY, VERY, VERY,
VERY, VERY, VERY, SICK ♪
BUT THAT'S OKAY BECAUSE NOW IT'S
VERY, VERY, VERY, SICK ♪
BUT THAT'S OKAY BECAUSE NOW IT'S
THE "HEY, JENNIFER SHOW"!
BUT THAT'S OKAY BECAUSE NOW IT'S
THE "HEY, JENNIFER SHOW"!
YAY!
THE "HEY, JENNIFER SHOW"!
YAY!
♪ DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA ♪
YAY!
♪ DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA ♪
♪ OH, IT'S THE "HEY, JENNIFER
♪ DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA ♪
♪ OH, IT'S THE "HEY, JENNIFER
SHOW" AND WE HOPE YOU'RE SO, SO,
♪ OH, IT'S THE "HEY, JENNIFER
SHOW" AND WE HOPE YOU'RE SO, SO,
SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO,
SHOW" AND WE HOPE YOU'RE SO, SO,
SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO,
SO, SO, SO, SO ♪
SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO,
SO, SO, SO, SO ♪
♪ YES, SHE IS SO FAT AND
SO, SO, SO, SO ♪
♪ YES, SHE IS SO FAT AND
DISGUSTING ♪
♪ YES, SHE IS SO FAT AND
DISGUSTING ♪
♪ SHE GOES TO THE BATHROOM WITH
DISGUSTING ♪
♪ SHE GOES TO THE BATHROOM WITH
THE DOOR OPEN ♪
♪ SHE GOES TO THE BATHROOM WITH
THE DOOR OPEN ♪
YAY!
THE DOOR OPEN ♪
YAY!
♪ IT'S THE "HEY, JENNIFER
YAY!
♪ IT'S THE "HEY, JENNIFER
SHOW" ♪
♪ IT'S THE "HEY, JENNIFER
SHOW" ♪
GO!
SHOW" ♪
GO!
AND NOW, HERE IS THE BIG SONG
GO!
AND NOW, HERE IS THE BIG SONG
ON THE "HEY, JENNIFER SHOW"
AND NOW, HERE IS THE BIG SONG
ON THE "HEY, JENNIFER SHOW"
BECAUSE SHE IS A PERSON WHO
ON THE "HEY, JENNIFER SHOW"
BECAUSE SHE IS A PERSON WHO
LOOKS AT YOU ALL THE TIME WITH
BECAUSE SHE IS A PERSON WHO
LOOKS AT YOU ALL THE TIME WITH
THESE BIG BOOGERS YOU CAN SEE.
LOOKS AT YOU ALL THE TIME WITH
THESE BIG BOOGERS YOU CAN SEE.
♪ BOOGERS ALL THE TIME ♪
THESE BIG BOOGERS YOU CAN SEE.
♪ BOOGERS ALL THE TIME ♪
♪ BOOGERS ALL THE TIME ♪
♪ BOOGERS ALL THE TIME ♪
♪ BOOGERS ALL THE TIME ♪
♪ IT'S YOUR RED-HEAD BOOGERS,
♪ BOOGERS ALL THE TIME ♪
♪ IT'S YOUR RED-HEAD BOOGERS,
AND IT'S BOOGERS ALL THE TIME ♪
♪ IT'S YOUR RED-HEAD BOOGERS,
AND IT'S BOOGERS ALL THE TIME ♪
YAY, YAY, YAY! YAY!
AND IT'S BOOGERS ALL THE TIME ♪
YAY, YAY, YAY! YAY!
WELL, AS YOU CAN SEE, I HATE
YAY, YAY, YAY! YAY!
WELL, AS YOU CAN SEE, I HATE
JENNIFER VERY MUCH, AND SO THAT
WELL, AS YOU CAN SEE, I HATE
JENNIFER VERY MUCH, AND SO THAT
IS WHY I'M SO GLAD THAT THEY
JENNIFER VERY MUCH, AND SO THAT
IS WHY I'M SO GLAD THAT THEY
INVENTED THE BRAND-NEW, TERRIFIC
IS WHY I'M SO GLAD THAT THEY
INVENTED THE BRAND-NEW, TERRIFIC
PRODUCT CALLED THE WOODS, WHERE
INVENTED THE BRAND-NEW, TERRIFIC
PRODUCT CALLED THE WOODS, WHERE
I CAN GO AND LIVE AND GET AWAY
PRODUCT CALLED THE WOODS, WHERE
I CAN GO AND LIVE AND GET AWAY
FROM JENNIFER FOR THE REST OF MY
I CAN GO AND LIVE AND GET AWAY
FROM JENNIFER FOR THE REST OF MY
LIFE!
FROM JENNIFER FOR THE REST OF MY
LIFE!
[Mockingly] BUT, JUDY,
LIFE!
[Mockingly] BUT, JUDY,
CAN'T I COME, TOO?
[Mockingly] BUT, JUDY,
CAN'T I COME, TOO?
[Normal voice] WELL, ALL
CAN'T I COME, TOO?
[Normal voice] WELL, ALL
RIGHT, JENNIFER.
[Normal voice] WELL, ALL
RIGHT, JENNIFER.
EVEN THOUGH YOU MIGHT GET EATEN
RIGHT, JENNIFER.
EVEN THOUGH YOU MIGHT GET EATEN
BY THE MONSTER?
EVEN THOUGH YOU MIGHT GET EATEN
BY THE MONSTER?
[Mockingly] I DON'T CARE.
BY THE MONSTER?
[Mockingly] I DON'T CARE.
[Normal voice] BUT IT WAS A
[Mockingly] I DON'T CARE.
[Normal voice] BUT IT WAS A
LONG, FAR, FAR AWAY WAY TO THE
[Normal voice] BUT IT WAS A
LONG, FAR, FAR AWAY WAY TO THE
WOODS OF LONDON, ENGLAND, SO
LONG, FAR, FAR AWAY WAY TO THE
WOODS OF LONDON, ENGLAND, SO
HERE WE GO!
WOODS OF LONDON, ENGLAND, SO
HERE WE GO!
AND YOU HAVE TO TRAVEL MANY
HERE WE GO!
AND YOU HAVE TO TRAVEL MANY
MILES, OVER LAND AND SEA, AND
AND YOU HAVE TO TRAVEL MANY
MILES, OVER LAND AND SEA, AND
MANY PLACES NO ONE EVEN KNOWS!
MILES, OVER LAND AND SEA, AND
MANY PLACES NO ONE EVEN KNOWS!
HURRY, JENNIFER, FOR THIS IS SO
MANY PLACES NO ONE EVEN KNOWS!
HURRY, JENNIFER, FOR THIS IS SO
EASY AND FUN!
HURRY, JENNIFER, FOR THIS IS SO
EASY AND FUN!
[Mockingly] OH, JUDY, I CAN'T!
EASY AND FUN!
[Mockingly] OH, JUDY, I CAN'T!
I CAN'T HURRY.
[Mockingly] OH, JUDY, I CAN'T!
I CAN'T HURRY.
I'M SO AFRAID I'M GONNA GET
I CAN'T HURRY.
I'M SO AFRAID I'M GONNA GET
EATEN BY THE SHARKS!
I'M SO AFRAID I'M GONNA GET
EATEN BY THE SHARKS!
HELP ME, HELP ME!
EATEN BY THE SHARKS!
HELP ME, HELP ME!
I'M EATEN BY THE SHARKS!
HELP ME, HELP ME!
I'M EATEN BY THE SHARKS!
HELP ME!
I'M EATEN BY THE SHARKS!
HELP ME!
[Normal voice] AND NOW, IT'S
HELP ME!
[Normal voice] AND NOW, IT'S
TIME FOR A COMMERCIAL.
[Normal voice] AND NOW, IT'S
TIME FOR A COMMERCIAL.
♪ OH, EVERYONE SHOULD KILL
TIME FOR A COMMERCIAL.
♪ OH, EVERYONE SHOULD KILL
JENNIFER AS SOON AS THEY CAN ♪
♪ OH, EVERYONE SHOULD KILL
JENNIFER AS SOON AS THEY CAN ♪
HELLO!
JENNIFER AS SOON AS THEY CAN ♪
HELLO!
HERE IS THE GREAT TWO
HELLO!
HERE IS THE GREAT TWO
UNDERSHIRTS THAT EVERYONE WANTS
HERE IS THE GREAT TWO
UNDERSHIRTS THAT EVERYONE WANTS
VERY BAD AND THEY CAN'T BELIEVE
UNDERSHIRTS THAT EVERYONE WANTS
VERY BAD AND THEY CAN'T BELIEVE
THEIR MOTHER BOUGHT THEM JUST
VERY BAD AND THEY CAN'T BELIEVE
THEIR MOTHER BOUGHT THEM JUST
TODAY.
THEIR MOTHER BOUGHT THEM JUST
TODAY.
AND THEY CAN BE USED TO GO ON
TODAY.
AND THEY CAN BE USED TO GO ON
YOUR HEAD AS HAIR...
AND THEY CAN BE USED TO GO ON
YOUR HEAD AS HAIR...
OR AS A BEARD.
YOUR HEAD AS HAIR...
OR AS A BEARD.
HO, HO, HO.
OR AS A BEARD.
HO, HO, HO.
SO CONVENIENT, YOU SHOULD BUY
HO, HO, HO.
SO CONVENIENT, YOU SHOULD BUY
THEM RIGHT AWAY.
SO CONVENIENT, YOU SHOULD BUY
THEM RIGHT AWAY.
AND NOW WE MUST GO BACK TO THE
THEM RIGHT AWAY.
AND NOW WE MUST GO BACK TO THE
WOODS OF LONDON, ENGLAND!
AND NOW WE MUST GO BACK TO THE
WOODS OF LONDON, ENGLAND!
WE JUST HOP AND HOP!
WOODS OF LONDON, ENGLAND!
WE JUST HOP AND HOP!
WE HAVE TO HOP AND HOP AND HOP!
WE JUST HOP AND HOP!
WE HAVE TO HOP AND HOP AND HOP!
[Mockingly] OH, JUDY,
WE HAVE TO HOP AND HOP AND HOP!
[Mockingly] OH, JUDY,
I CAN'T HOP AS FAST AS YOU, BUT
[Mockingly] OH, JUDY,
I CAN'T HOP AS FAST AS YOU, BUT
THE MONSTER'S COMING RIGHT NOW!
I CAN'T HOP AS FAST AS YOU, BUT
THE MONSTER'S COMING RIGHT NOW!
[Deep voice] I'M THE MONSTER,
THE MONSTER'S COMING RIGHT NOW!
[Deep voice] I'M THE MONSTER,
AND I'M GONNA EAT JENNIFER!
[Deep voice] I'M THE MONSTER,
AND I'M GONNA EAT JENNIFER!
OH, WATCH OUT!
AND I'M GONNA EAT JENNIFER!
OH, WATCH OUT!
I'M GONNA GET HER!
OH, WATCH OUT!
I'M GONNA GET HER!
[GROWLING]
I'M GONNA GET HER!
[GROWLING]
OH, NO, HELP!
[GROWLING]
OH, NO, HELP!
[Normal voice] AND SOON, THE
OH, NO, HELP!
[Normal voice] AND SOON, THE
MONSTER GOT KILLED, AND JENNIFER
[Normal voice] AND SOON, THE
MONSTER GOT KILLED, AND JENNIFER
JUMPED OUT OF HIS STOMACH.
MONSTER GOT KILLED, AND JENNIFER
JUMPED OUT OF HIS STOMACH.
AND NOW, ON WITH THE SHOW!
JUMPED OUT OF HIS STOMACH.
AND NOW, ON WITH THE SHOW!
♪ DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA
AND NOW, ON WITH THE SHOW!
♪ DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA
DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA ♪
♪ DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA
DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA ♪
AND NOW, PRESENTING THE FABULOUS
DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA ♪
AND NOW, PRESENTING THE FABULOUS
SINGER THAT EVERYONE KNOWS,
AND NOW, PRESENTING THE FABULOUS
SINGER THAT EVERYONE KNOWS,
MISS CHICA LALITA.
SINGER THAT EVERYONE KNOWS,
MISS CHICA LALITA.
♪ OH ♪
MISS CHICA LALITA.
♪ OH ♪
♪ EVERYONE SHOULD HATE JENNIFER
♪ OH ♪
♪ EVERYONE SHOULD HATE JENNIFER
BECAUSE SHE IS A PERSON WHO GETS
♪ EVERYONE SHOULD HATE JENNIFER
BECAUSE SHE IS A PERSON WHO GETS
CARSICK ON THE WAY TO THE
BECAUSE SHE IS A PERSON WHO GETS
CARSICK ON THE WAY TO THE
STORE ♪
CARSICK ON THE WAY TO THE
STORE ♪
♪ JUST EVEN... ♪
STORE ♪
♪ JUST EVEN... ♪
AND NOW, IN THE ADVENTURES OF
♪ JUST EVEN... ♪
AND NOW, IN THE ADVENTURES OF
JUDY MILLER, HER SISTER,
AND NOW, IN THE ADVENTURES OF
JUDY MILLER, HER SISTER,
JENNIFER, GETS HIT BY A CAR!
JUDY MILLER, HER SISTER,
JENNIFER, GETS HIT BY A CAR!
[IMITATING ENGINE NOISES]
JENNIFER, GETS HIT BY A CAR!
[IMITATING ENGINE NOISES]
WHOA!
[IMITATING ENGINE NOISES]
WHOA!
YAY, SHE'S DEAD!
WHOA!
YAY, SHE'S DEAD!
WE KILLED HER!
YAY, SHE'S DEAD!
WE KILLED HER!
YAY, YAY, SHE'S DEAD, WE KILLED
WE KILLED HER!
YAY, YAY, SHE'S DEAD, WE KILLED
HER!
YAY, YAY, SHE'S DEAD, WE KILLED
HER!
SHE'S DEAD, SHE'S DEAD!
HER!
SHE'S DEAD, SHE'S DEAD!
YAY, SHE'S DEAD, SHE'S DEAD!
SHE'S DEAD, SHE'S DEAD!
YAY, SHE'S DEAD, SHE'S DEAD!
WHOA!
YAY, SHE'S DEAD, SHE'S DEAD!
WHOA!
YAY, SHE'S DEAD!
WHOA!
YAY, SHE'S DEAD!
JUDY!
YAY, SHE'S DEAD!
JUDY!
JUDY?
JUDY!
JUDY?
WHAT?
JUDY?
WHAT?
JENNIFER SAYS SHE SORRY.
WHAT?
JENNIFER SAYS SHE SORRY.
SO?
JENNIFER SAYS SHE SORRY.
SO?
SHE'S COMING OUT OF HER ROOM.
SO?
SHE'S COMING OUT OF HER ROOM.
SO-O-O-O?
SHE'S COMING OUT OF HER ROOM.
SO-O-O-O?
SHE'D LIKE TO COME DOWN AND
SO-O-O-O?
SHE'D LIKE TO COME DOWN AND
PLAY BARBIES WITH YOU.
SHE'D LIKE TO COME DOWN AND
PLAY BARBIES WITH YOU.
PLAY BARBIES?
PLAY BARBIES WITH YOU.
PLAY BARBIES?
UH-HUH.
PLAY BARBIES?
UH-HUH.
WELL, OKAY.
UH-HUH.
WELL, OKAY.
AND NOW... SHE IS ALIVE AGAIN,
WELL, OKAY.
AND NOW... SHE IS ALIVE AGAIN,
FROM MAGIC!
AND NOW... SHE IS ALIVE AGAIN,
FROM MAGIC!
GOOD NIGHT!
THE METS LICK MONTREAL.
THIS AND MORE ON
"WEEKEND UPDATE," COMING UP
THIS AND MORE ON
"WEEKEND UPDATE," COMING UP
NEXT.
"WEEKEND UPDATE," COMING UP
NEXT.
Announcer: AND NOW,
NEXT.
Announcer: AND NOW,
"WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH THE
Announcer: AND NOW,
"WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH THE
"WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM
"WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH THE
"WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM
BROUGHT TO YOU BY PERRIER... THE
"WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM
BROUGHT TO YOU BY PERRIER... THE
MINERAL WATER THAT GOES BACK AND
BROUGHT TO YOU BY PERRIER... THE
MINERAL WATER THAT GOES BACK AND
FORTH TO STATEN ISLAND.
MINERAL WATER THAT GOES BACK AND
FORTH TO STATEN ISLAND.
OUR ANCHORPERSONS... JANE CURTIN
FORTH TO STATEN ISLAND.
OUR ANCHORPERSONS... JANE CURTIN
AND DAN AYKROYD.
OUR ANCHORPERSONS... JANE CURTIN
AND DAN AYKROYD.
GOOD EVENING.
AND DAN AYKROYD.
GOOD EVENING.
I'M DAN AYK... ROID.
GOOD EVENING.
I'M DAN AYK... ROID.
AND I'M JANE CURTIN.
I'M DAN AYK... ROID.
AND I'M JANE CURTIN.
HERE NOW THE NEWS.
AND I'M JANE CURTIN.
HERE NOW THE NEWS.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... AN AIDE
HERE NOW THE NEWS.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... AN AIDE
OF SENATOR EDWARD KENNEDY HAS
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... AN AIDE
OF SENATOR EDWARD KENNEDY HAS
DENIED REPORTS LINKING THE
OF SENATOR EDWARD KENNEDY HAS
DENIED REPORTS LINKING THE
SENATOR ROMANTICALLY WITH FORMER
DENIED REPORTS LINKING THE
SENATOR ROMANTICALLY WITH FORMER
OLYMPIC SKIER SUSIE CHAFFEE, WHO
SENATOR ROMANTICALLY WITH FORMER
OLYMPIC SKIER SUSIE CHAFFEE, WHO
IS NOW BEST KNOWN FOR HER
OLYMPIC SKIER SUSIE CHAFFEE, WHO
IS NOW BEST KNOWN FOR HER
ChapStick COMMERCIALS.
IS NOW BEST KNOWN FOR HER
ChapStick COMMERCIALS.
DESPITE THESE DENIALS, HOWEVER,
ChapStick COMMERCIALS.
DESPITE THESE DENIALS, HOWEVER,
"WEEKEND UPDATE" HAS LEARNED
DESPITE THESE DENIALS, HOWEVER,
"WEEKEND UPDATE" HAS LEARNED
THAT THE SHAPELY BLONDE IS
"WEEKEND UPDATE" HAS LEARNED
THAT THE SHAPELY BLONDE IS
PLANNING TO CHANGE HER NAME TO
THAT THE SHAPELY BLONDE IS
PLANNING TO CHANGE HER NAME TO
SUSIE CHAPPAQUIDDICK.
PLANNING TO CHANGE HER NAME TO
SUSIE CHAPPAQUIDDICK.
MORE ON THIS STORY AS IT
SUSIE CHAPPAQUIDDICK.
MORE ON THIS STORY AS IT
DEVELOPS.
MORE ON THIS STORY AS IT
DEVELOPS.
THIS WEEK, BERT LANCE ATTACKED
DEVELOPS.
THIS WEEK, BERT LANCE ATTACKED
THE PRESS FOR BIASED REPORTING.
THIS WEEK, BERT LANCE ATTACKED
THE PRESS FOR BIASED REPORTING.
THE SLEAZY EX-DIRECTOR OF THE
THE PRESS FOR BIASED REPORTING.
THE SLEAZY EX-DIRECTOR OF THE
OMB CITED, AS AN EXAMPLE, THE
THE SLEAZY EX-DIRECTOR OF THE
OMB CITED, AS AN EXAMPLE, THE
WAY THE PRESS HAD REPORTED HIS
OMB CITED, AS AN EXAMPLE, THE
WAY THE PRESS HAD REPORTED HIS
TURNING IN OF HIS DIPLOMATIC
WAY THE PRESS HAD REPORTED HIS
TURNING IN OF HIS DIPLOMATIC
PASSPORT TWO WEEKS AGO.
TURNING IN OF HIS DIPLOMATIC
PASSPORT TWO WEEKS AGO.
THE PRESS SAID THAT THE CARTER
PASSPORT TWO WEEKS AGO.
THE PRESS SAID THAT THE CARTER
WHITE HOUSE HAD FORCED LANCE TO
THE PRESS SAID THAT THE CARTER
WHITE HOUSE HAD FORCED LANCE TO
GIVE UP HIS SPECIAL PASSPORT
WHITE HOUSE HAD FORCED LANCE TO
GIVE UP HIS SPECIAL PASSPORT
WHICH, AMONG OTHER PRIVILEGES,
GIVE UP HIS SPECIAL PASSPORT
WHICH, AMONG OTHER PRIVILEGES,
ENTITLES ITS HOLDER TO FORGO
WHICH, AMONG OTHER PRIVILEGES,
ENTITLES ITS HOLDER TO FORGO
CUSTOMS INSPECTIONS IN FOREIGN
ENTITLES ITS HOLDER TO FORGO
CUSTOMS INSPECTIONS IN FOREIGN
COUNTRIES.
CUSTOMS INSPECTIONS IN FOREIGN
COUNTRIES.
THE OVERWEIGHT SLOB INSISTS HE
COUNTRIES.
THE OVERWEIGHT SLOB INSISTS HE
GAVE UP THE PASSPORT VOLUNTARILY
THE OVERWEIGHT SLOB INSISTS HE
GAVE UP THE PASSPORT VOLUNTARILY
BECAUSE HE HAD FINALLY SMUGGLED
GAVE UP THE PASSPORT VOLUNTARILY
BECAUSE HE HAD FINALLY SMUGGLED
ENOUGH DRUGS TO PAY OFF HIS
BECAUSE HE HAD FINALLY SMUGGLED
ENOUGH DRUGS TO PAY OFF HIS
$5 MILLION OF DEBTS.
ENOUGH DRUGS TO PAY OFF HIS
$5 MILLION OF DEBTS.
WELL, ANOTHER CLASSIC
$5 MILLION OF DEBTS.
WELL, ANOTHER CLASSIC
AMERICAN INSTITUTION WENT BY THE
WELL, ANOTHER CLASSIC
AMERICAN INSTITUTION WENT BY THE
BOARDS THIS WEEK WHEN A
AMERICAN INSTITUTION WENT BY THE
BOARDS THIS WEEK WHEN A
SAUDI ARABIAN CONGLOMERATE
BOARDS THIS WEEK WHEN A
SAUDI ARABIAN CONGLOMERATE
PURCHASED WALT DISNEY
SAUDI ARABIAN CONGLOMERATE
PURCHASED WALT DISNEY
PRODUCTIONS.
PURCHASED WALT DISNEY
PRODUCTIONS.
NOT SURPRISINGLY, THE STUDIO'S
PRODUCTIONS.
NOT SURPRISINGLY, THE STUDIO'S
FIRST FILM WILL STAR OMAR SHARIF
NOT SURPRISINGLY, THE STUDIO'S
FIRST FILM WILL STAR OMAR SHARIF
AND DEAN JONES AND WILL BE
FIRST FILM WILL STAR OMAR SHARIF
AND DEAN JONES AND WILL BE
RELEASED HERE UNDER THE TITLE
AND DEAN JONES AND WILL BE
RELEASED HERE UNDER THE TITLE
"THAT DARN JEW."
RELEASED HERE UNDER THE TITLE
"THAT DARN JEW."
ACTIVIST/LAWYER WILLIAM KUNSTLER
"THAT DARN JEW."
ACTIVIST/LAWYER WILLIAM KUNSTLER
CLAIMS THAT LAST FALL'S
ACTIVIST/LAWYER WILLIAM KUNSTLER
CLAIMS THAT LAST FALL'S
ACCIDENTAL SHOOTING DEATH OF
CLAIMS THAT LAST FALL'S
ACCIDENTAL SHOOTING DEATH OF
WILLIAM C. SULLIVAN, THE FBI's
ACCIDENTAL SHOOTING DEATH OF
WILLIAM C. SULLIVAN, THE FBI's
NUMBER-THREE MAN, WAS A
WILLIAM C. SULLIVAN, THE FBI's
NUMBER-THREE MAN, WAS A
DELIBERATE ATTEMPT TO SPARE
NUMBER-THREE MAN, WAS A
DELIBERATE ATTEMPT TO SPARE
L. PATRICK GRAY FROM
DELIBERATE ATTEMPT TO SPARE
L. PATRICK GRAY FROM
PROSECUTION.
L. PATRICK GRAY FROM
PROSECUTION.
SULLIVAN WAS ACCIDENTALLY SHOT
PROSECUTION.
SULLIVAN WAS ACCIDENTALLY SHOT
DURING A NEW HAMPSHIRE HUNTING
SULLIVAN WAS ACCIDENTALLY SHOT
DURING A NEW HAMPSHIRE HUNTING
TRIP WHEN, ACCORDING TO THE
DURING A NEW HAMPSHIRE HUNTING
TRIP WHEN, ACCORDING TO THE
BUREAU, HE WAS REPORTEDLY
TRIP WHEN, ACCORDING TO THE
BUREAU, HE WAS REPORTEDLY
MISTAKEN FOR A DEER.
BUREAU, HE WAS REPORTEDLY
MISTAKEN FOR A DEER.
BUT THE DEATH OF SULLIVAN DIDN'T
MISTAKEN FOR A DEER.
BUT THE DEATH OF SULLIVAN DIDN'T
SPARE L. PATRICK GRAY, THE FBI'S
BUT THE DEATH OF SULLIVAN DIDN'T
SPARE L. PATRICK GRAY, THE FBI'S
FORMER ACTING DIRECTOR, FROM
SPARE L. PATRICK GRAY, THE FBI'S
FORMER ACTING DIRECTOR, FROM
BEING CHARGED WITH CONSPIRING TO
FORMER ACTING DIRECTOR, FROM
BEING CHARGED WITH CONSPIRING TO
DEPRIVE AMERICAN CITIZENS OF
BEING CHARGED WITH CONSPIRING TO
DEPRIVE AMERICAN CITIZENS OF
THEIR CIVIL RIGHTS.
DEPRIVE AMERICAN CITIZENS OF
THEIR CIVIL RIGHTS.
AND NOW HERE'S STARGAZER
THEIR CIVIL RIGHTS.
AND NOW HERE'S STARGAZER
BULL MURRAY WITH THIS WEEK'S
AND NOW HERE'S STARGAZER
BULL MURRAY WITH THIS WEEK'S
REVIEW.
BULL MURRAY WITH THIS WEEK'S
REVIEW.
BILL?
REVIEW.
BILL?
THANK YOU, JANE.
BILL?
THANK YOU, JANE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU, JANE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WELL, EVERYBODY'S TALKING ABOUT
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WELL, EVERYBODY'S TALKING ABOUT
"AMERICAN HOT WAX," PARAMOUNT'S
WELL, EVERYBODY'S TALKING ABOUT
"AMERICAN HOT WAX," PARAMOUNT'S
NEW FLICK THAT RIPS THE LID OFF
"AMERICAN HOT WAX," PARAMOUNT'S
NEW FLICK THAT RIPS THE LID OFF
THE ORIGINS OF THE ROCK-'N'-ROLL
NEW FLICK THAT RIPS THE LID OFF
THE ORIGINS OF THE ROCK-'N'-ROLL
GENERATION, BUT MORE THAN A
THE ORIGINS OF THE ROCK-'N'-ROLL
GENERATION, BUT MORE THAN A
SUPER MOVIE, "HOT WAX" IS THE
GENERATION, BUT MORE THAN A
SUPER MOVIE, "HOT WAX" IS THE
UNVEILING OF THE NEWEST STAR IN
SUPER MOVIE, "HOT WAX" IS THE
UNVEILING OF THE NEWEST STAR IN
THE HEAVENS OVER HOLLYWOOD.
UNVEILING OF THE NEWEST STAR IN
THE HEAVENS OVER HOLLYWOOD.
SHE'S THE CUTEST LITTLE PIXIE OF
THE HEAVENS OVER HOLLYWOOD.
SHE'S THE CUTEST LITTLE PIXIE OF
A DARLING SINCE
SHE'S THE CUTEST LITTLE PIXIE OF
A DARLING SINCE
CLAUDETTE COLBERT BROKE MY HEART
A DARLING SINCE
CLAUDETTE COLBERT BROKE MY HEART
AS A CHILD.
CLAUDETTE COLBERT BROKE MY HEART
AS A CHILD.
OF COURSE, I'M TALKING ABOUT A
AS A CHILD.
OF COURSE, I'M TALKING ABOUT A
GIRL NAMED LARAINE NEWMAN.
OF COURSE, I'M TALKING ABOUT A
GIRL NAMED LARAINE NEWMAN.
REMEMBER THAT NAME...
GIRL NAMED LARAINE NEWMAN.
REMEMBER THAT NAME...
LARAINE NEWMAN... BECAUSE WE'RE
REMEMBER THAT NAME...
LARAINE NEWMAN... BECAUSE WE'RE
GOING TO BE HEARING A LOT MORE
LARAINE NEWMAN... BECAUSE WE'RE
GOING TO BE HEARING A LOT MORE
FROM THIS PRETTY LITTLE DYNAMO.
GOING TO BE HEARING A LOT MORE
FROM THIS PRETTY LITTLE DYNAMO.
BUT INSTEAD OF JUST TALKING
FROM THIS PRETTY LITTLE DYNAMO.
BUT INSTEAD OF JUST TALKING
ABOUT IT, THE PARTY ANIMAL HERE
BUT INSTEAD OF JUST TALKING
ABOUT IT, THE PARTY ANIMAL HERE
FLEW OUT TO HOLLYWOOD TO HAVE AN
ABOUT IT, THE PARTY ANIMAL HERE
FLEW OUT TO HOLLYWOOD TO HAVE AN
EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH
FLEW OUT TO HOLLYWOOD TO HAVE AN
EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH
LARAINE.
EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH
LARAINE.
WE WENT TO HER DRESSING ROOM ON
LARAINE.
WE WENT TO HER DRESSING ROOM ON
THE LOT WHERE SHE'S MAKING A NEW
WE WENT TO HER DRESSING ROOM ON
THE LOT WHERE SHE'S MAKING A NEW
MOVIE WITH ROBERT MITCHUM CALLED
THE LOT WHERE SHE'S MAKING A NEW
MOVIE WITH ROBERT MITCHUM CALLED
"SAY THAT TO MY FACE, BABY."
MOVIE WITH ROBERT MITCHUM CALLED
"SAY THAT TO MY FACE, BABY."
ANYWAY, HERE'S THE INTERVIEW WE
"SAY THAT TO MY FACE, BABY."
ANYWAY, HERE'S THE INTERVIEW WE
SHOT.
ANYWAY, HERE'S THE INTERVIEW WE
SHOT.
LET'S ROLL THAT FILM IF WE CAN.
SHOT.
LET'S ROLL THAT FILM IF WE CAN.
I'M SITTING HERE WITH
LET'S ROLL THAT FILM IF WE CAN.
I'M SITTING HERE WITH
LARAINE NEWMAN.
I'M SITTING HERE WITH
LARAINE NEWMAN.
REMEMBER THAT NAME...
LARAINE NEWMAN.
REMEMBER THAT NAME...
LARAINE NEWMAN... BECAUSE YOU'RE
REMEMBER THAT NAME...
LARAINE NEWMAN... BECAUSE YOU'RE
GOING TO BE SEEING AN AWFUL LOT
LARAINE NEWMAN... BECAUSE YOU'RE
GOING TO BE SEEING AN AWFUL LOT
OF THIS TINIEST OF KNUCKLEHEADS.
GOING TO BE SEEING AN AWFUL LOT
OF THIS TINIEST OF KNUCKLEHEADS.
LARAINE, WHY DID IT HAPPEN?
OF THIS TINIEST OF KNUCKLEHEADS.
LARAINE, WHY DID IT HAPPEN?
DO YOU EVER KNOW?
LARAINE, WHY DID IT HAPPEN?
DO YOU EVER KNOW?
WHY YOU?
DO YOU EVER KNOW?
WHY YOU?
HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE ON THE
WHY YOU?
HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE ON THE
THRESHOLD OF WHAT YOU ARE
HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE ON THE
THRESHOLD OF WHAT YOU ARE
BECOMING?
THRESHOLD OF WHAT YOU ARE
BECOMING?
WELL, I THINK, FIRST OF ALL,
BECOMING?
WELL, I THINK, FIRST OF ALL,
BILL, I REALLY WANTED IT, YOU
WELL, I THINK, FIRST OF ALL,
BILL, I REALLY WANTED IT, YOU
KNOW?
BILL, I REALLY WANTED IT, YOU
KNOW?
AND ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT
KNOW?
AND ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT
THINGS I'VE LEARNED IS THAT
AND ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT
THINGS I'VE LEARNED IS THAT
YOU'VE GOT TO MAKE PEOPLE WANT
THINGS I'VE LEARNED IS THAT
YOU'VE GOT TO MAKE PEOPLE WANT
TO WATCH YOU, AND I DON'T
YOU'VE GOT TO MAKE PEOPLE WANT
TO WATCH YOU, AND I DON'T
KNOW... I GUESS PEOPLE JUST WANT
TO WATCH YOU, AND I DON'T
KNOW... I GUESS PEOPLE JUST WANT
TO WATCH ME.
KNOW... I GUESS PEOPLE JUST WANT
TO WATCH ME.
YOU'RE IMPULSIVE, AREN'T YOU?
TO WATCH ME.
YOU'RE IMPULSIVE, AREN'T YOU?
YES.
YOU'RE IMPULSIVE, AREN'T YOU?
YES.
[CHUCKLES]
YES.
[CHUCKLES]
YES, I REALLY AM.
[CHUCKLES]
YES, I REALLY AM.
YOU KNOW, THERE WAS THIS ONE
YES, I REALLY AM.
YOU KNOW, THERE WAS THIS ONE
TIME WHEN I REALLY WANTED TO GO
YOU KNOW, THERE WAS THIS ONE
TIME WHEN I REALLY WANTED TO GO
TO THE BEACH.
TIME WHEN I REALLY WANTED TO GO
TO THE BEACH.
AND I REALLY WANTED TO GO, AND I
TO THE BEACH.
AND I REALLY WANTED TO GO, AND I
REALLY WANTED TO GO.
AND I REALLY WANTED TO GO, AND I
REALLY WANTED TO GO.
AND THIS FRIEND CAME TO MY DOOR
REALLY WANTED TO GO.
AND THIS FRIEND CAME TO MY DOOR
AND WANTED TO GO TO THE BEACH,
AND THIS FRIEND CAME TO MY DOOR
AND WANTED TO GO TO THE BEACH,
AND SO I WENT, JUST LIKE THAT.
AND WANTED TO GO TO THE BEACH,
AND SO I WENT, JUST LIKE THAT.
[LAUGHS]
AND SO I WENT, JUST LIKE THAT.
[LAUGHS]
YOU ARE IMPULSIVE.
[LAUGHS]
YOU ARE IMPULSIVE.
REALLY.
YOU ARE IMPULSIVE.
REALLY.
[WATER RUNNING]
REALLY.
[WATER RUNNING]
HAS SUCCESS MADE YOU HAPPY?
[WATER RUNNING]
HAS SUCCESS MADE YOU HAPPY?
WELL, I'M HAPPY RIGHT NOW
HAS SUCCESS MADE YOU HAPPY?
WELL, I'M HAPPY RIGHT NOW
WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU.
WELL, I'M HAPPY RIGHT NOW
WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU.
ARE YOU HAPPY?
WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU.
ARE YOU HAPPY?
WELL, YES, I'M HAPPY.
ARE YOU HAPPY?
WELL, YES, I'M HAPPY.
[WATER STOPS]
WELL, YES, I'M HAPPY.
[WATER STOPS]
[ZIPPER CLICKING]
[WATER STOPS]
[ZIPPER CLICKING]
YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT HAPPINESS
[ZIPPER CLICKING]
YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT HAPPINESS
IS RELATIVE, YOU KNOW?
YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT HAPPINESS
IS RELATIVE, YOU KNOW?
I DON'T THINK THERE'S ANYBODY IN
IS RELATIVE, YOU KNOW?
I DON'T THINK THERE'S ANYBODY IN
THE INDUSTRY WHO DOESN'T KNOW
I DON'T THINK THERE'S ANYBODY IN
THE INDUSTRY WHO DOESN'T KNOW
THAT.
THE INDUSTRY WHO DOESN'T KNOW
THAT.
BUT, YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT, YOU
THAT.
BUT, YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT, YOU
KNOW...
BUT, YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT, YOU
KNOW...
[OBJECT SPLASHES]
KNOW...
[OBJECT SPLASHES]
[SIGHS]
[OBJECT SPLASHES]
[SIGHS]
HAPPY IS AS HAPPY DOES,
[SIGHS]
HAPPY IS AS HAPPY DOES,
YOU KNOW?
HAPPY IS AS HAPPY DOES,
YOU KNOW?
[WATER SPLASHING]
YOU KNOW?
[WATER SPLASHING]
YOU WANT ME TO GET THAT SPONGE,
[WATER SPLASHING]
YOU WANT ME TO GET THAT SPONGE,
BABE?
YOU WANT ME TO GET THAT SPONGE,
BABE?
GET YOUR BACK FOR YOU?
BABE?
GET YOUR BACK FOR YOU?
'CAUSE I CAN DO THAT.
GET YOUR BACK FOR YOU?
'CAUSE I CAN DO THAT.
BOY, HOLLYWOOD IS AMAZING.
'CAUSE I CAN DO THAT.
BOY, HOLLYWOOD IS AMAZING.
IS THIS THE SET YOU USED FOR THE
BOY, HOLLYWOOD IS AMAZING.
IS THIS THE SET YOU USED FOR THE
NEW YORK SHOTS IN "HOT WAX,"
IS THIS THE SET YOU USED FOR THE
NEW YORK SHOTS IN "HOT WAX,"
LARAINE?
NEW YORK SHOTS IN "HOT WAX,"
LARAINE?
NO.
LARAINE?
NO.
ACTUALLY, THERE'S A VERY FUNNY
NO.
ACTUALLY, THERE'S A VERY FUNNY
STORY BEHIND THAT.
ACTUALLY, THERE'S A VERY FUNNY
STORY BEHIND THAT.
ONE WEEKEND I WAS REALLY
STORY BEHIND THAT.
ONE WEEKEND I WAS REALLY
HOMESICK FOR NEW YORK, AND
ONE WEEKEND I WAS REALLY
HOMESICK FOR NEW YORK, AND
PARAMOUNT BUILT THIS EXACT
HOMESICK FOR NEW YORK, AND
PARAMOUNT BUILT THIS EXACT
REPLICA OF CENTRAL PARK FOR ME.
PARAMOUNT BUILT THIS EXACT
REPLICA OF CENTRAL PARK FOR ME.
I JUST GOT TO WORK ONE MORNING,
REPLICA OF CENTRAL PARK FOR ME.
I JUST GOT TO WORK ONE MORNING,
AND THERE IT WAS.
I JUST GOT TO WORK ONE MORNING,
AND THERE IT WAS.
ISN'T IT NICE?
AND THERE IT WAS.
ISN'T IT NICE?
THAT'S A BIG LAKE BACK THERE.
ISN'T IT NICE?
THAT'S A BIG LAKE BACK THERE.
I'VE GOT MY DUCKS IN THERE.
THAT'S A BIG LAKE BACK THERE.
I'VE GOT MY DUCKS IN THERE.
WELL, YOU CAN SEE WHY I'M
I'VE GOT MY DUCKS IN THERE.
WELL, YOU CAN SEE WHY I'M
EXCITED ABOUT THIS GIRL.
WELL, YOU CAN SEE WHY I'M
EXCITED ABOUT THIS GIRL.
OFF THE RECORD, I TOLD LARAINE,
EXCITED ABOUT THIS GIRL.
OFF THE RECORD, I TOLD LARAINE,
"HONEY, YOU'RE GONNA BE OUR NEXT
OFF THE RECORD, I TOLD LARAINE,
"HONEY, YOU'RE GONNA BE OUR NEXT
UNPARALLELED SUPERSTAR, BUT
"HONEY, YOU'RE GONNA BE OUR NEXT
UNPARALLELED SUPERSTAR, BUT
DON'T CHANGE.
UNPARALLELED SUPERSTAR, BUT
DON'T CHANGE.
DON'T FORGET THE PEOPLE AND THE
DON'T CHANGE.
DON'T FORGET THE PEOPLE AND THE
REVIEWERS YOU MET ON THE WAY
DON'T FORGET THE PEOPLE AND THE
REVIEWERS YOU MET ON THE WAY
UP."
REVIEWERS YOU MET ON THE WAY
UP."
SO GOOD LUCK, YOU TINY LITTLE
UP."
SO GOOD LUCK, YOU TINY LITTLE
SUPERSTAR.
SO GOOD LUCK, YOU TINY LITTLE
SUPERSTAR.
GET OUT OF HERE AND GO HAVE SOME
SUPERSTAR.
GET OUT OF HERE AND GO HAVE SOME
FUN.
GET OUT OF HERE AND GO HAVE SOME
FUN.
YOU'RE TERRIFIC, LARAINE.
FUN.
YOU'RE TERRIFIC, LARAINE.
BACK TO YOU, JANE.
YOU'RE TERRIFIC, LARAINE.
BACK TO YOU, JANE.
THANK YOU, BILL.
BACK TO YOU, JANE.
THANK YOU, BILL.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU, BILL.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WELL, OUR RECENT STORY ABOUT
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WELL, OUR RECENT STORY ABOUT
ORSON WELLES' SKIING ACCIDENT
WELL, OUR RECENT STORY ABOUT
ORSON WELLES' SKIING ACCIDENT
HAS HAD A HAPPY ENDING.
ORSON WELLES' SKIING ACCIDENT
HAS HAD A HAPPY ENDING.
ORSON IS FULLY RECOVERED AND WAS
HAS HAD A HAPPY ENDING.
ORSON IS FULLY RECOVERED AND WAS
SEEN SKATEBOARDING YESTERDAY IN
ORSON IS FULLY RECOVERED AND WAS
SEEN SKATEBOARDING YESTERDAY IN
THE STREETS OF ASPEN, COLORADO.
SEEN SKATEBOARDING YESTERDAY IN
THE STREETS OF ASPEN, COLORADO.
THIS WEEK'S POINT/COUNTERPOINT
THE STREETS OF ASPEN, COLORADO.
THIS WEEK'S POINT/COUNTERPOINT
IS ON THE NEUTRON BOMB.
THIS WEEK'S POINT/COUNTERPOINT
IS ON THE NEUTRON BOMB.
OH, BOY, A BOMB THAT KILLS
IS ON THE NEUTRON BOMB.
OH, BOY, A BOMB THAT KILLS
PEOPLE AND LEAVES PROPERTY
OH, BOY, A BOMB THAT KILLS
PEOPLE AND LEAVES PROPERTY
INTACT.
PEOPLE AND LEAVES PROPERTY
INTACT.
THAT OUGHT TO MAKE YOUR
INTACT.
THAT OUGHT TO MAKE YOUR
MILITARISTIC, CAPITALISTIC HEART
THAT OUGHT TO MAKE YOUR
MILITARISTIC, CAPITALISTIC HEART
GO PITTER-PATTER, DAN.
MILITARISTIC, CAPITALISTIC HEART
GO PITTER-PATTER, DAN.
SO WHAT IF A FEW MILLION PEOPLE
GO PITTER-PATTER, DAN.
SO WHAT IF A FEW MILLION PEOPLE
DIE SO LONG AS THE MEANS OF
SO WHAT IF A FEW MILLION PEOPLE
DIE SO LONG AS THE MEANS OF
PRODUCTION STAY IN YOUR CONTROL
DIE SO LONG AS THE MEANS OF
PRODUCTION STAY IN YOUR CONTROL
SO YOU CAN LIVE HIGH ON THE HOG
PRODUCTION STAY IN YOUR CONTROL
SO YOU CAN LIVE HIGH ON THE HOG
OFF THE SWEAT AND BLOOD OF
SO YOU CAN LIVE HIGH ON THE HOG
OFF THE SWEAT AND BLOOD OF
OTHERS?
OFF THE SWEAT AND BLOOD OF
OTHERS?
YOU'RE A PIG, DAN.
OTHERS?
YOU'RE A PIG, DAN.
MY ONLY CONSOLATION IS THAT
YOU'RE A PIG, DAN.
MY ONLY CONSOLATION IS THAT
YOU'LL PROBABLY CONTINUE TO GAIN
MY ONLY CONSOLATION IS THAT
YOU'LL PROBABLY CONTINUE TO GAIN
WEIGHT AND DIE OF A HEART ATTACK
YOU'LL PROBABLY CONTINUE TO GAIN
WEIGHT AND DIE OF A HEART ATTACK
AT AN EARLY AGE.
WEIGHT AND DIE OF A HEART ATTACK
AT AN EARLY AGE.
I NEVER CEASE TO BE AMAZED AT
AT AN EARLY AGE.
I NEVER CEASE TO BE AMAZED AT
YOUR STUPIDITY, JANE.
I NEVER CEASE TO BE AMAZED AT
YOUR STUPIDITY, JANE.
THE COLD WAR IS NO SUNDAY SCHOOL
YOUR STUPIDITY, JANE.
THE COLD WAR IS NO SUNDAY SCHOOL
PICNIC.
THE COLD WAR IS NO SUNDAY SCHOOL
PICNIC.
THE RUSSIANS MEAN BUSINESS, AND,
PICNIC.
THE RUSSIANS MEAN BUSINESS, AND,
BY GEORGE, SO SHOULD WE.
THE RUSSIANS MEAN BUSINESS, AND,
BY GEORGE, SO SHOULD WE.
IF WE CAN DEVELOP A MILITARY
BY GEORGE, SO SHOULD WE.
IF WE CAN DEVELOP A MILITARY
EDGE, LET'S DO IT.
IF WE CAN DEVELOP A MILITARY
EDGE, LET'S DO IT.
I HATE THE COMMUNISTS, AND SO
EDGE, LET'S DO IT.
I HATE THE COMMUNISTS, AND SO
SHOULD YOU, JANE.
I HATE THE COMMUNISTS, AND SO
SHOULD YOU, JANE.
IF THEY TAKE OVER, THEY'RE NOT
SHOULD YOU, JANE.
IF THEY TAKE OVER, THEY'RE NOT
GOING TO BE ANY EASIER ON YOU
IF THEY TAKE OVER, THEY'RE NOT
GOING TO BE ANY EASIER ON YOU
BLEEDING-HEART LIBERALS THEN ON
GOING TO BE ANY EASIER ON YOU
BLEEDING-HEART LIBERALS THEN ON
US, DEFENDERS OF THE FREEDOM.
BLEEDING-HEART LIBERALS THEN ON
US, DEFENDERS OF THE FREEDOM.
REMEMBER WHAT THE RUSSIAN
US, DEFENDERS OF THE FREEDOM.
REMEMBER WHAT THE RUSSIAN
SOLDIERS DID TO THE GERMAN WOMEN
REMEMBER WHAT THE RUSSIAN
SOLDIERS DID TO THE GERMAN WOMEN
AT THE END OF WORLD WAR II.
SOLDIERS DID TO THE GERMAN WOMEN
AT THE END OF WORLD WAR II.
BUT I GUESS YOU HAVE NOTHING TO
AT THE END OF WORLD WAR II.
BUT I GUESS YOU HAVE NOTHING TO
WORRY ABOUT THERE, YOU AGING,
BUT I GUESS YOU HAVE NOTHING TO
WORRY ABOUT THERE, YOU AGING,
DRIED-OUT, OLD HAG.
WORRY ABOUT THERE, YOU AGING,
DRIED-OUT, OLD HAG.
THANK YOU, JANE.
DRIED-OUT, OLD HAG.
THANK YOU, JANE.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, JANE.
THANK YOU.
WELL, JUDGING BY THE WEATHER, IT
THANK YOU.
WELL, JUDGING BY THE WEATHER, IT
LOOKS LIKE SPRING IS HERE TO
WELL, JUDGING BY THE WEATHER, IT
LOOKS LIKE SPRING IS HERE TO
STAY.
LOOKS LIKE SPRING IS HERE TO
STAY.
THE GRASS THE GREEN, THE
STAY.
THE GRASS THE GREEN, THE
BASEBALL SEASON JUST OPENED, AND
THE GRASS THE GREEN, THE
BASEBALL SEASON JUST OPENED, AND
EVERYBODY LOVES TO BE IN LOVE,
BASEBALL SEASON JUST OPENED, AND
EVERYBODY LOVES TO BE IN LOVE,
AND HERE TO REPORT ON SPRING
EVERYBODY LOVES TO BE IN LOVE,
AND HERE TO REPORT ON SPRING
FEVER IS CORRESPONDENT
AND HERE TO REPORT ON SPRING
FEVER IS CORRESPONDENT
ROSEANNE ROSEANNADANNA.
FEVER IS CORRESPONDENT
ROSEANNE ROSEANNADANNA.
ROSEANNE?
ROSEANNE ROSEANNADANNA.
ROSEANNE?
THANKS A LOT, JANE!
ROSEANNE?
THANKS A LOT, JANE!
UH, MISS DORIS POWELL OF
THANKS A LOT, JANE!
UH, MISS DORIS POWELL OF
FORT LEE, NEW JERSEY, WRITES IN
UH, MISS DORIS POWELL OF
FORT LEE, NEW JERSEY, WRITES IN
AND SAYS, "DEAR
FORT LEE, NEW JERSEY, WRITES IN
AND SAYS, "DEAR
ROSEANNE ROSEANNADANNA, IT'S
AND SAYS, "DEAR
ROSEANNE ROSEANNADANNA, IT'S
SPRING, AND I'M DEPRESSED AS A
ROSEANNE ROSEANNADANNA, IT'S
SPRING, AND I'M DEPRESSED AS A
DOG.
SPRING, AND I'M DEPRESSED AS A
DOG.
WHAT SHOULD I DO?"
DOG.
WHAT SHOULD I DO?"
WELL, MISS POWELL, I KNOW
WHAT SHOULD I DO?"
WELL, MISS POWELL, I KNOW
EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE GOING
WELL, MISS POWELL, I KNOW
EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE GOING
THROUGH, 'CAUSE ONCE, I,
EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE GOING
THROUGH, 'CAUSE ONCE, I,
ROSEANNE ROSEANNADANNA, WAS SO
THROUGH, 'CAUSE ONCE, I,
ROSEANNE ROSEANNADANNA, WAS SO
DEPRESSED I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA
ROSEANNE ROSEANNADANNA, WAS SO
DEPRESSED I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA
DIE.
DEPRESSED I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA
DIE.
YOU SEE, MY BOYFRIEND, WHO I WAS
DIE.
YOU SEE, MY BOYFRIEND, WHO I WAS
SEEING FOR A LONG TIME... HE
YOU SEE, MY BOYFRIEND, WHO I WAS
SEEING FOR A LONG TIME... HE
DROPPED ME LIKE A HOT POTATO.
SEEING FOR A LONG TIME... HE
DROPPED ME LIKE A HOT POTATO.
I FELT SO SAD I COULDN'T EAT, I
DROPPED ME LIKE A HOT POTATO.
I FELT SO SAD I COULDN'T EAT, I
COULDN'T SLEEP, I COULDN'T LEAVE
I FELT SO SAD I COULDN'T EAT, I
COULDN'T SLEEP, I COULDN'T LEAVE
THE HOUSE, I COULDN'T DO
COULDN'T SLEEP, I COULDN'T LEAVE
THE HOUSE, I COULDN'T DO
NOTHING.
THE HOUSE, I COULDN'T DO
NOTHING.
I STARTED WEARING THE SAME
NOTHING.
I STARTED WEARING THE SAME
CLOTHES EVERY DAY.
I STARTED WEARING THE SAME
CLOTHES EVERY DAY.
YOU KNOW I WAS EVEN THINKING OF
CLOTHES EVERY DAY.
YOU KNOW I WAS EVEN THINKING OF
BECOMING A NUN...
YOU KNOW I WAS EVEN THINKING OF
BECOMING A NUN...
SISTER MARY ELIZABETH ROSEANNE
BECOMING A NUN...
SISTER MARY ELIZABETH ROSEANNE
ROSEANNADANNA?
SISTER MARY ELIZABETH ROSEANNE
ROSEANNADANNA?
BUT THEN I REALIZED I DON'T
ROSEANNADANNA?
BUT THEN I REALIZED I DON'T
WANT TO BE NO NUN.
BUT THEN I REALIZED I DON'T
WANT TO BE NO NUN.
WHAT KIND OF LIFE IS THAT?
WANT TO BE NO NUN.
WHAT KIND OF LIFE IS THAT?
YOU SWEAT TOO MUCH AT THE BEACH.
WHAT KIND OF LIFE IS THAT?
YOU SWEAT TOO MUCH AT THE BEACH.
SO I PICKED MYSELF UP, I LOOKED
YOU SWEAT TOO MUCH AT THE BEACH.
SO I PICKED MYSELF UP, I LOOKED
AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR, AND
SO I PICKED MYSELF UP, I LOOKED
AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR, AND
SAID, "HEY, I'M OKAY.
AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR, AND
SAID, "HEY, I'M OKAY.
YOU'RE OKAY.
SAID, "HEY, I'M OKAY.
YOU'RE OKAY.
I'M MY OWN BEST FRIEND.
YOU'RE OKAY.
I'M MY OWN BEST FRIEND.
YES, I CAN.
I'M MY OWN BEST FRIEND.
YES, I CAN.
MY ERRONEOUS ZONES.
YES, I CAN.
MY ERRONEOUS ZONES.
I HAVE NO FEAR OF FLYING.
MY ERRONEOUS ZONES.
I HAVE NO FEAR OF FLYING.
I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR."
I HAVE NO FEAR OF FLYING.
I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR."
[ROARS]
I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR."
[ROARS]
AND I STARTED TO FEEL REAL ZIPPY
[ROARS]
AND I STARTED TO FEEL REAL ZIPPY
AND GOOD.
AND I STARTED TO FEEL REAL ZIPPY
AND GOOD.
I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I
AND GOOD.
I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I
STARTED FEELING LIKE A REAL
I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I
STARTED FEELING LIKE A REAL
WOMAN.
STARTED FEELING LIKE A REAL
WOMAN.
YOU SEE, WHEN I WAS LITTLE, I
WOMAN.
YOU SEE, WHEN I WAS LITTLE, I
USED TO BE A TOMBOY.
YOU SEE, WHEN I WAS LITTLE, I
USED TO BE A TOMBOY.
I DIDN'T LIKE GIRLS... THEY WERE
USED TO BE A TOMBOY.
I DIDN'T LIKE GIRLS... THEY WERE
ALWAYS CRYING AND PLAYING WITH
I DIDN'T LIKE GIRLS... THEY WERE
ALWAYS CRYING AND PLAYING WITH
DOLLS, SO I PLAYED BASEBALL AND
ALWAYS CRYING AND PLAYING WITH
DOLLS, SO I PLAYED BASEBALL AND
FOOTBALL AND BASKETBALL WITH THE
DOLLS, SO I PLAYED BASEBALL AND
FOOTBALL AND BASKETBALL WITH THE
GUYS.
FOOTBALL AND BASKETBALL WITH THE
GUYS.
BUT PRETTY SOON, I STARTED TO
GUYS.
BUT PRETTY SOON, I STARTED TO
NOTICE THAT I FELT A LITTLE
BUT PRETTY SOON, I STARTED TO
NOTICE THAT I FELT A LITTLE
STRANGE INSIDE, LIKE I NEVER
NOTICE THAT I FELT A LITTLE
STRANGE INSIDE, LIKE I NEVER
FELT THIS WAY BEFORE, AND I
STRANGE INSIDE, LIKE I NEVER
FELT THIS WAY BEFORE, AND I
ASKED MY MOTHER.
FELT THIS WAY BEFORE, AND I
ASKED MY MOTHER.
I SAID, "MOM, HEY, WHAT'S GOING
ASKED MY MOTHER.
I SAID, "MOM, HEY, WHAT'S GOING
ON IN HERE?"
I SAID, "MOM, HEY, WHAT'S GOING
ON IN HERE?"
AND SHE GIVES ME THIS LITTLE
ON IN HERE?"
AND SHE GIVES ME THIS LITTLE
BOOK CALLED
AND SHE GIVES ME THIS LITTLE
BOOK CALLED
"WHY JANE CAN'T GO SWIMMING."
HMM.
THIS BOOK... IT HAD A LOT OF
PICTURES OF GIRLS SITTING AROUND
THIS BOOK... IT HAD A LOT OF
PICTURES OF GIRLS SITTING AROUND
THE POOL IN ONE-PIECE BATHING
PICTURES OF GIRLS SITTING AROUND
THE POOL IN ONE-PIECE BATHING
SUITS.
THE POOL IN ONE-PIECE BATHING
SUITS.
WHICH REMINDS ME... YOU KNOW
SUITS.
WHICH REMINDS ME... YOU KNOW
WHAT REALLY MAKES ME SICK?
WHICH REMINDS ME... YOU KNOW
WHAT REALLY MAKES ME SICK?
WHEN IT'S SUMMER AND YOU'RE AT
WHAT REALLY MAKES ME SICK?
WHEN IT'S SUMMER AND YOU'RE AT
THE PARK AND YOU'RE REAL THIRSTY
WHEN IT'S SUMMER AND YOU'RE AT
THE PARK AND YOU'RE REAL THIRSTY
AND YOU GO TO THE DRINKING
THE PARK AND YOU'RE REAL THIRSTY
AND YOU GO TO THE DRINKING
FOUNTAIN AND SOMEBODY SPIT
AND YOU GO TO THE DRINKING
FOUNTAIN AND SOMEBODY SPIT
SOMETHING IN THERE THAT'S REAL
FOUNTAIN AND SOMEBODY SPIT
SOMETHING IN THERE THAT'S REAL
WEIRD AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT
SOMETHING IN THERE THAT'S REAL
WEIRD AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT
IS AND IT'S ON THE TOP...
WEIRD AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT
IS AND IT'S ON THE TOP...
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING
IS AND IT'S ON THE TOP...
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT?!
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT?!
WHY IS IT THAT YOU ALWAYS STRAY
ABOUT?!
WHY IS IT THAT YOU ALWAYS STRAY
FROM THE SUBJECT?
WHY IS IT THAT YOU ALWAYS STRAY
FROM THE SUBJECT?
YOU COME ON THE SHOW AND YOU
FROM THE SUBJECT?
YOU COME ON THE SHOW AND YOU
TALK ABOUT YOUR OWN PERSONAL,
YOU COME ON THE SHOW AND YOU
TALK ABOUT YOUR OWN PERSONAL,
DISGUSTING PROBLEMS.
TALK ABOUT YOUR OWN PERSONAL,
DISGUSTING PROBLEMS.
WELL, JANE, IT JUST GOES TO
DISGUSTING PROBLEMS.
WELL, JANE, IT JUST GOES TO
SHOW YOU, IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING.
WELL, JANE, IT JUST GOES TO
SHOW YOU, IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING.
IT'S LIKE MY FATHER USED TO SAY
SHOW YOU, IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING.
IT'S LIKE MY FATHER USED TO SAY
TO ME BEFORE I'D GO TO BED...
IT'S LIKE MY FATHER USED TO SAY
TO ME BEFORE I'D GO TO BED...
HE'D TUCK ME IN AND MAKE SURE I
TO ME BEFORE I'D GO TO BED...
HE'D TUCK ME IN AND MAKE SURE I
WAS AS SNUG AS A BUG IN A RUG,
HE'D TUCK ME IN AND MAKE SURE I
WAS AS SNUG AS A BUG IN A RUG,
AND HE'D TUCK ME IN AND HE'D SAY
WAS AS SNUG AS A BUG IN A RUG,
AND HE'D TUCK ME IN AND HE'D SAY
THIS LITTLE POEM WRITTEN BY MY
AND HE'D TUCK ME IN AND HE'D SAY
THIS LITTLE POEM WRITTEN BY MY
GRANDMOTHER, NANA ROSEANNADANNA.
THIS LITTLE POEM WRITTEN BY MY
GRANDMOTHER, NANA ROSEANNADANNA.
AND HE'D SAY, "ROSES ARE RED.
GRANDMOTHER, NANA ROSEANNADANNA.
AND HE'D SAY, "ROSES ARE RED.
PENCILS ARE LEAD.
AND HE'D SAY, "ROSES ARE RED.
PENCILS ARE LEAD.
HERE'S A LITTLE POEM BEFORE YOU
PENCILS ARE LEAD.
HERE'S A LITTLE POEM BEFORE YOU
GO TO BED.
HERE'S A LITTLE POEM BEFORE YOU
GO TO BED.
VIOLETS ARE BLUE.
GO TO BED.
VIOLETS ARE BLUE.
I'LL GIVE YOU A CLUE.
VIOLETS ARE BLUE.
I'LL GIVE YOU A CLUE.
IT'S SOMETHING I WROTE JUST FOR
I'LL GIVE YOU A CLUE.
IT'S SOMETHING I WROTE JUST FOR
YOU.
IT'S SOMETHING I WROTE JUST FOR
YOU.
SHAMROCKS ARE GREEN.
YOU.
SHAMROCKS ARE GREEN.
CORNED BEEF IS LEAN.
SHAMROCKS ARE GREEN.
CORNED BEEF IS LEAN.
YOU'RE THE CUTEST GIRL I'VE EVER
CORNED BEEF IS LEAN.
YOU'RE THE CUTEST GIRL I'VE EVER
SEEN.
YOU'RE THE CUTEST GIRL I'VE EVER
SEEN.
DAFFODILS ARE YELLOW.
SEEN.
DAFFODILS ARE YELLOW.
DONOVAN SINGS "MELLOW."
DAFFODILS ARE YELLOW.
DONOVAN SINGS "MELLOW."
IF YOU WERE MY SON, I'D BE A
DONOVAN SINGS "MELLOW."
IF YOU WERE MY SON, I'D BE A
JOLLY GOOD FELLOW.
IF YOU WERE MY SON, I'D BE A
JOLLY GOOD FELLOW.
TULIPS ARE PINK.
JOLLY GOOD FELLOW.
TULIPS ARE PINK.
A PLUMBER FIXED MY SINK.
TULIPS ARE PINK.
A PLUMBER FIXED MY SINK.
ISN'T THIS FUN?
A PLUMBER FIXED MY SINK.
ISN'T THIS FUN?
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
ISN'T THIS FUN?
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
CARNATIONS ARE PLAIN.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
CARNATIONS ARE PLAIN.
I LEFT A CUPCAKE IN THE RAIN.
CARNATIONS ARE PLAIN.
I LEFT A CUPCAKE IN THE RAIN.
THIS IS REALLY GOING GOOD.
I LEFT A CUPCAKE IN THE RAIN.
THIS IS REALLY GOING GOOD.
TAKE IT, JANE!
THIS IS REALLY GOING GOOD.
TAKE IT, JANE!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
TAKE IT, JANE!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THAT'S THE NEWS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THAT'S THE NEWS.
GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT
THAT'S THE NEWS.
GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT
TOMORROW.
GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT
TOMORROW.
Announcer: "WEEKEND UPDATE"
TOMORROW.
Announcer: "WEEKEND UPDATE"
IS A PRESENTATION OF
Announcer: "WEEKEND UPDATE"
IS A PRESENTATION OF
"SATURDAY NIGHT NEWS,"
IS A PRESENTATION OF
"SATURDAY NIGHT NEWS,"
KEEPING AMERICA INFORMED
"SATURDAY NIGHT NEWS,"
KEEPING AMERICA INFORMED
FOR OVER 1/50 OF A CENTURY.
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
COME ON, NOVELLO!
COME ON!
COME ON, NOVELLO!
COME ON!
I KNOW HIM... HE'S NOTHING!
COME ON!
I KNOW HIM... HE'S NOTHING!
GIVE HIM A GOOD SHOT!
I KNOW HIM... HE'S NOTHING!
GIVE HIM A GOOD SHOT!
GIVE HIM A SHOT, NOVELLO!
GIVE HIM A GOOD SHOT!
GIVE HIM A SHOT, NOVELLO!
OKAY!
GIVE HIM A SHOT, NOVELLO!
OKAY!
ONE MORE TIME, I'M GONNA COME
OKAY!
ONE MORE TIME, I'M GONNA COME
UP THERE.
ONE MORE TIME, I'M GONNA COME
UP THERE.
I'M GONNA PASS MY HAND BY YOUR
UP THERE.
I'M GONNA PASS MY HAND BY YOUR
FACE.
I'M GONNA PASS MY HAND BY YOUR
FACE.
[CROWD JEERS]
FACE.
[CROWD JEERS]
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
[CROWD JEERS]
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
NUMBER 44 YELLOW, FIGHTING.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
NUMBER 44 YELLOW, FIGHTING.
NUMBER 23 BLUE, FIGHTING.
NUMBER 44 YELLOW, FIGHTING.
NUMBER 23 BLUE, FIGHTING.
SALT LAKE PLAYER NUMBER 43,
NUMBER 23 BLUE, FIGHTING.
SALT LAKE PLAYER NUMBER 43,
NOVELLO... FIVE MINUTES,
SALT LAKE PLAYER NUMBER 43,
NOVELLO... FIVE MINUTES,
FIGHTING.
NOVELLO... FIVE MINUTES,
FIGHTING.
SAN ANTONIO PLAYER NUMBER 44,
FIGHTING.
SAN ANTONIO PLAYER NUMBER 44,
LAVIOLETTE, FIVE MINUTES,
SAN ANTONIO PLAYER NUMBER 44,
LAVIOLETTE, FIVE MINUTES,
FIGHTING.
LAVIOLETTE, FIVE MINUTES,
FIGHTING.
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
FIGHTING.
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
BREAK IT UP!
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
BREAK IT UP!
BREAK IT UP!
BREAK IT UP!
BREAK IT UP!
BREAK IT UP!
BREAK IT UP!
BREAK IT UP!
OH, YOU'LL BE FIRED!
BREAK IT UP!
OH, YOU'LL BE FIRED!
NOW, I MEAN IT, NOW!
OH, YOU'LL BE FIRED!
NOW, I MEAN IT, NOW!
FRENCH GUY'S AN ANIMAL, MAN.
NOW, I MEAN IT, NOW!
FRENCH GUY'S AN ANIMAL, MAN.
HE'S GOT NO CLASS AT ALL.
FRENCH GUY'S AN ANIMAL, MAN.
HE'S GOT NO CLASS AT ALL.
WHO, LAVIOLETTE?
HE'S GOT NO CLASS AT ALL.
WHO, LAVIOLETTE?
OH, HE'S NOT WORSE THAN THOSE
WHO, LAVIOLETTE?
OH, HE'S NOT WORSE THAN THOSE
TEXAS FANS.
OH, HE'S NOT WORSE THAN THOSE
TEXAS FANS.
I KNOW THAT GUY.
TEXAS FANS.
I KNOW THAT GUY.
JEAN LAVIOLETTE.
I KNOW THAT GUY.
JEAN LAVIOLETTE.
I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH HIM IN
JEAN LAVIOLETTE.
I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH HIM IN
THREE RIVERS, QUEBEC.
I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH HIM IN
THREE RIVERS, QUEBEC.
WE KNOW EACH OTHER.
THREE RIVERS, QUEBEC.
WE KNOW EACH OTHER.
HURTUBISE, TWO MINUTES IS UP.
WE KNOW EACH OTHER.
HURTUBISE, TWO MINUTES IS UP.
FIVE-SECOND COUNTDOWN.
HURTUBISE, TWO MINUTES IS UP.
FIVE-SECOND COUNTDOWN.
OKAY, DONNY, HERE I GO.
FIVE-SECOND COUNTDOWN.
OKAY, DONNY, HERE I GO.
STAY COOL.
OKAY, DONNY, HERE I GO.
STAY COOL.
REMEMBER, WE'RE PROFESSIONALS.
STAY COOL.
REMEMBER, WE'RE PROFESSIONALS.
OKAY, GO, JEAN, GO, JEAN!
REMEMBER, WE'RE PROFESSIONALS.
OKAY, GO, JEAN, GO, JEAN!
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
OKAY, GO, JEAN, GO, JEAN!
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
NUMBER 5 BLUE, HIGH-STICKING.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
NUMBER 5 BLUE, HIGH-STICKING.
SEAGULL'S PLAYER NUMBER 5,
NUMBER 5 BLUE, HIGH-STICKING.
SEAGULL'S PLAYER NUMBER 5,
HURTUBISE.
SEAGULL'S PLAYER NUMBER 5,
HURTUBISE.
TWO MINUTES FOR HIGH-STICKING.
HURTUBISE.
TWO MINUTES FOR HIGH-STICKING.
NO, IT'S OKAY.
TWO MINUTES FOR HIGH-STICKING.
NO, IT'S OKAY.
I KNOW THAT GUY.
NO, IT'S OKAY.
I KNOW THAT GUY.
HEY.
I KNOW THAT GUY.
HEY.
[French-Canadian accent]
HEY.
[French-Canadian accent]
çA VA, çA VA...
[French-Canadian accent]
çA VA, çA VA...
YOU SPEAK ENGLISH.
ÇA VA, çA VA...
YOU SPEAK ENGLISH.
NOT TOO MUCH HERE IN TEXAS.
YOU SPEAK ENGLISH.
NOT TOO MUCH HERE IN TEXAS.
THEY ALL SPEAK ENGLISH HERE, SO
NOT TOO MUCH HERE IN TEXAS.
THEY ALL SPEAK ENGLISH HERE, SO
I HAVE TO SPEAK ENGLISH.
THEY ALL SPEAK ENGLISH HERE, SO
I HAVE TO SPEAK ENGLISH.
IN SAN ANTONIO, YOU DON'T FIND A
I HAVE TO SPEAK ENGLISH.
IN SAN ANTONIO, YOU DON'T FIND A
LOT OF QUEBECERS.
IN SAN ANTONIO, YOU DON'T FIND A
LOT OF QUEBECERS.
SO THEY TRADED YOU FROM THE
LOT OF QUEBECERS.
SO THEY TRADED YOU FROM THE
STINGERS?
SO THEY TRADED YOU FROM THE
STINGERS?
OUAIS, THE CINCINNATI
STINGERS?
OUAIS, THE CINCINNATI
STINGERS ENTRAINé AVEC THE
OUAIS, THE CINCINNATI
STINGERS ENTRAINé AVEC THE
CALIFORNIA SEALS.
STINGERS ENTRAINé AVEC THE
CALIFORNIA SEALS.
OUAIS, POUR CINQ AMéRICAINS.
CALIFORNIA SEALS.
OUAIS, POUR CINQ AMéRICAINS.
OH, MON DIEU.
OUAIS, POUR CINQ AMéRICAINS.
OH, MON DIEU.
ET PUIS TOI?
OH, MON DIEU.
ET PUIS TOI?
OU éTIEZ-VOUS ENTRAINé?
ET PUIS TOI?
OU éTIEZ-VOUS ENTRAINé?
JE M'éTAIS ENTRAINé PAR LES
OU éTIEZ-VOUS ENTRAINé?
JE M'éTAIS ENTRAINé PAR LES
BIRMINGHAM BULLS à
JE M'éTAIS ENTRAINé PAR LES
BIRMINGHAM BULLS à
SALT LAKE CITY.
BIRMINGHAM BULLS à
SALT LAKE CITY.
SALT LAKE CITY?
SALT LAKE CITY.
SALT LAKE CITY?
WHAT'S IT LIKE UP THERE?
SALT LAKE CITY?
WHAT'S IT LIKE UP THERE?
QU'EST-CE QUE T'AS FAIT Là-BAS?
WHAT'S IT LIKE UP THERE?
QU'EST-CE QUE T'AS FAIT Là-BAS?
OH, C'EST DU FUN.
QU'EST-CE QUE T'AS FAIT Là-BAS?
OH, C'EST DU FUN.
L'ANNéE PASSéE Là, J'AI FAIT
OH, C'EST DU FUN.
L'ANNéE PASSéE Là, J'AI FAIT
DU SHOPPING.
L'ANNéE PASSéE Là, J'AI FAIT
DU SHOPPING.
J'AI ACHETé UN COLOR TV, A CB
DU SHOPPING.
J'AI ACHETé UN COLOR TV, A CB
RADIO, MOTOR HOME, WASHER/DRYER.
J'AI ACHETé UN COLOR TV, A CB
RADIO, MOTOR HOME, WASHER/DRYER.
OH, ME TOO.
RADIO, MOTOR HOME, WASHER/DRYER.
OH, ME TOO.
JE SUIS MARlé UNE BELLE TEXAS
OH, ME TOO.
JE SUIS MARlé UNE BELLE TEXAS
COWGIRL... BLONDE... ET PUIS
JE SUIS MARlé UNE BELLE TEXAS
COWGIRL... BLONDE... ET PUIS
ACHETé UN CHRYSLER, PUIS UN GROS
COWGIRL... BLONDE... ET PUIS
ACHETé UN CHRYSLER, PUIS UN GROS
RANCH HOUSE, EH?
ACHETé UN CHRYSLER, PUIS UN GROS
RANCH HOUSE, EH?
AH, OUI?
RANCH HOUSE, EH?
AH, OUI?
YEAH.
AH, OUI?
YEAH.
HEY, THEY'VE GOT NICE BOOTS
YEAH.
HEY, THEY'VE GOT NICE BOOTS
HERE IN TEXAS.
HEY, THEY'VE GOT NICE BOOTS
HERE IN TEXAS.
YEAH.
HERE IN TEXAS.
YEAH.
ME, I GOT CUSTOM-MADE COWBOY
YEAH.
ME, I GOT CUSTOM-MADE COWBOY
BOOTS.
ME, I GOT CUSTOM-MADE COWBOY
BOOTS.
CUSTOM-MADE COWBOY BOOTS.
BOOTS.
CUSTOM-MADE COWBOY BOOTS.
HEY, YOU BEEN BACK TO QUEBEC?
CUSTOM-MADE COWBOY BOOTS.
HEY, YOU BEEN BACK TO QUEBEC?
YEAH, I BEEN BACK AT
HEY, YOU BEEN BACK TO QUEBEC?
YEAH, I BEEN BACK AT
CHRISTMASTIME.
YEAH, I BEEN BACK AT
CHRISTMASTIME.
MY WHOLE FAMILY... ALL THEY'RE
CHRISTMASTIME.
MY WHOLE FAMILY... ALL THEY'RE
TALKING ABOUT IS SEPARATING FROM
MY WHOLE FAMILY... ALL THEY'RE
TALKING ABOUT IS SEPARATING FROM
CANADA.
TALKING ABOUT IS SEPARATING FROM
CANADA.
HEY, LET'S GET HIGH TOGETHER
CANADA.
HEY, LET'S GET HIGH TOGETHER
AFTER THE GAME.
HEY, LET'S GET HIGH TOGETHER
AFTER THE GAME.
GET HIGH WITH WHAT?
AFTER THE GAME.
GET HIGH WITH WHAT?
AVEC DU POT!
GET HIGH WITH WHAT?
AVEC DU POT!
J'EN AI DU BON POT COLOMBIEN.
AVEC DU POT!
J'EN AI DU BON POT COLOMBIEN.
ON PEUT FUMER DU POT CHEZ MOI.
J'EN AI DU BON POT COLOMBIEN.
ON PEUT FUMER DU POT CHEZ MOI.
à TON RANCH HOUSE?
ON PEUT FUMER DU POT CHEZ MOI.
à TON RANCH HOUSE?
OUAI, à MON RANCH HOUSE.
À TON RANCH HOUSE?
OUAI, à MON RANCH HOUSE.
JE VAIS AVEC VOUS.
OUAI, à MON RANCH HOUSE.
JE VAIS AVEC VOUS.
NOVELLO, LAVIOLETTE.
JE VAIS AVEC VOUS.
NOVELLO, LAVIOLETTE.
GET READY FOR THE FIVE-SECOND
NOVELLO, LAVIOLETTE.
GET READY FOR THE FIVE-SECOND
COUNTDOWN OF YOUR PENALTIES.
GET READY FOR THE FIVE-SECOND
COUNTDOWN OF YOUR PENALTIES.
FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE.
COUNTDOWN OF YOUR PENALTIES.
FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE.
YOU KNOW, JEAN, SOMETIMES I
FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE.
YOU KNOW, JEAN, SOMETIMES I
WONDER WHETHER YOU HONESTLY CARE
YOU KNOW, JEAN, SOMETIMES I
WONDER WHETHER YOU HONESTLY CARE
WHETHER WE WIN OR NOT.
WONDER WHETHER YOU HONESTLY CARE
WHETHER WE WIN OR NOT.
YOU KNOW, MAN, I'VE PLAYED
WHETHER WE WIN OR NOT.
YOU KNOW, MAN, I'VE PLAYED
400 PROFESSIONAL GAMES.
YOU KNOW, MAN, I'VE PLAYED
400 PROFESSIONAL GAMES.
THESE DAYS, I HAVE TO KEEP
400 PROFESSIONAL GAMES.
THESE DAYS, I HAVE TO KEEP
CHECKING MY JERSEY TO SEE WHAT
THESE DAYS, I HAVE TO KEEP
CHECKING MY JERSEY TO SEE WHAT
TEAM I'M ON.
CHECKING MY JERSEY TO SEE WHAT
TEAM I'M ON.
YEAH, YOU GUYS FROM QUEBEC,
TEAM I'M ON.
YEAH, YOU GUYS FROM QUEBEC,
HUH?
YEAH, YOU GUYS FROM QUEBEC,
HUH?
THAT FRENCHMAN... WHOO, HE'S
HUH?
THAT FRENCHMAN... WHOO, HE'S
REALLY TOUGH.
THAT FRENCHMAN... WHOO, HE'S
REALLY TOUGH.
OH, NO, NO, NO, HIS BROTHERS
REALLY TOUGH.
OH, NO, NO, NO, HIS BROTHERS
ARE TOUGH.
OH, NO, NO, NO, HIS BROTHERS
ARE TOUGH.
WE PLAY FOR THE W.H.A., THE NHL.
ARE TOUGH.
WE PLAY FOR THE W.H.A., THE NHL.
HIS BROTHERS PLAY FOR THE FLQ.
WE PLAY FOR THE W.H.A., THE NHL.
HIS BROTHERS PLAY FOR THE FLQ.
THE FLQ?
HIS BROTHERS PLAY FOR THE FLQ.
THE FLQ?
WHAT LEAGUE IS THAT?
THE FLQ?
WHAT LEAGUE IS THAT?
FRONT DE LIBéRATION DE
WHAT LEAGUE IS THAT?
FRONT DE LIBéRATION DE
QUéBEC.
FRONT DE LIBéRATION DE
QUéBEC.
[SHOUTING]
QUéBEC.
[SHOUTING]
[WHISTLE BLOWING]
GOOD EVENING.
WELCOME TO CABLE-TV ACCESS
CHANNEL "D."
WELCOME TO CABLE-TV ACCESS
CHANNEL "D."
THIS IS "E. BUZZ MILLER'S
CHANNEL "D."
THIS IS "E. BUZZ MILLER'S
EXERCISE WORLD."
THIS IS "E. BUZZ MILLER'S
EXERCISE WORLD."
I'M YOUR HOST, E. BUZZ MILLER.
EXERCISE WORLD."
I'M YOUR HOST, E. BUZZ MILLER.
SITTING TO MY LEFT, OF COURSE,
I'M YOUR HOST, E. BUZZ MILLER.
SITTING TO MY LEFT, OF COURSE,
IS THE LOVELY
SITTING TO MY LEFT, OF COURSE,
IS THE LOVELY
CHRISTY CHRISTINA.
IS THE LOVELY
CHRISTY CHRISTINA.
AND, VIEWERS, SHE WILL BE
CHRISTY CHRISTINA.
AND, VIEWERS, SHE WILL BE
DANCING ALL THIS WEEK BACK AT
AND, VIEWERS, SHE WILL BE
DANCING ALL THIS WEEK BACK AT
THE COACHING POLE LOUNGE ON
DANCING ALL THIS WEEK BACK AT
THE COACHING POLE LOUNGE ON
ROUTE 6.
THE COACHING POLE LOUNGE ON
ROUTE 6.
SAY HI TO OUR VIEWERS, CHRISTY.
ROUTE 6.
SAY HI TO OUR VIEWERS, CHRISTY.
HI.
SAY HI TO OUR VIEWERS, CHRISTY.
HI.
[GIGGLES]
HI.
[GIGGLES]
OKAY, CHRISTY.
[GIGGLES]
OKAY, CHRISTY.
NOW, EVERYBODY KNOWS EXERCISE IS
OKAY, CHRISTY.
NOW, EVERYBODY KNOWS EXERCISE IS
GOOD FOR YOU.
NOW, EVERYBODY KNOWS EXERCISE IS
GOOD FOR YOU.
HELPS KEEP THE WEIGHT DOWN,
GOOD FOR YOU.
HELPS KEEP THE WEIGHT DOWN,
MUSCLES STRONGER, THE BLOOD
HELPS KEEP THE WEIGHT DOWN,
MUSCLES STRONGER, THE BLOOD
CIRCULATING... WE ALL KNOW THAT.
MUSCLES STRONGER, THE BLOOD
CIRCULATING... WE ALL KNOW THAT.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET STARTED.
CIRCULATING... WE ALL KNOW THAT.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET STARTED.
CHRISTY, GET DOWN ON THE FLOOR
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET STARTED.
CHRISTY, GET DOWN ON THE FLOOR
THERE.
CHRISTY, GET DOWN ON THE FLOOR
THERE.
OKAY.
THERE.
OKAY.
OKAY, CHRISTY.
OKAY.
OKAY, CHRISTY.
NOW STAND UP.
OKAY, CHRISTY.
NOW STAND UP.
I'M GONNA HAVE YOU DO SOMETHING
NOW STAND UP.
I'M GONNA HAVE YOU DO SOMETHING
FIRST.
I'M GONNA HAVE YOU DO SOMETHING
FIRST.
STAND UP.
FIRST.
STAND UP.
I WANT YOU TO DO SOME SQUATS.
STAND UP.
I WANT YOU TO DO SOME SQUATS.
OH, THAT.
I WANT YOU TO DO SOME SQUATS.
OH, THAT.
DO SOME SQUATS, OKAY,
OH, THAT.
DO SOME SQUATS, OKAY,
CHRISTY?
DO SOME SQUATS, OKAY,
CHRISTY?
THAT'S IT.
CHRISTY?
THAT'S IT.
THAT'S IT.
THAT'S IT.
THAT'S IT.
THIS EXERCISE IS GOOD FOR THE
THAT'S IT.
THIS EXERCISE IS GOOD FOR THE
QUADRICEPS AND THE HAMSTRINGS,
THIS EXERCISE IS GOOD FOR THE
QUADRICEPS AND THE HAMSTRINGS,
WHICH ARE BACK HERE.
QUADRICEPS AND THE HAMSTRINGS,
WHICH ARE BACK HERE.
NICE HAMSTRINGS, CHRISTY.
WHICH ARE BACK HERE.
NICE HAMSTRINGS, CHRISTY.
IS THAT FROM DANCING EVERY NIGHT
NICE HAMSTRINGS, CHRISTY.
IS THAT FROM DANCING EVERY NIGHT
OR WHAT?
IS THAT FROM DANCING EVERY NIGHT
OR WHAT?
I GUESS SO.
OR WHAT?
I GUESS SO.
[GIGGLES]
I GUESS SO.
[GIGGLES]
OKAY, NOW PUT YOUR FEET WIDER
[GIGGLES]
OKAY, NOW PUT YOUR FEET WIDER
APART AND DO IT FASTER.
OKAY, NOW PUT YOUR FEET WIDER
APART AND DO IT FASTER.
LIKE THIS?
APART AND DO IT FASTER.
LIKE THIS?
THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT.
LIKE THIS?
THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT.
A LITTLE FASTER... JUST A LITTLE
THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT.
A LITTLE FASTER... JUST A LITTLE
FASTER.
A LITTLE FASTER... JUST A LITTLE
FASTER.
I COULD DO THIS ALL DAY!
FASTER.
I COULD DO THIS ALL DAY!
WHAT'S THAT, CHRISTY?
I COULD DO THIS ALL DAY!
WHAT'S THAT, CHRISTY?
I COULD DO IT ALL DAY.
WHAT'S THAT, CHRISTY?
I COULD DO IT ALL DAY.
I BET YOU COULD, CHRISTY.
I COULD DO IT ALL DAY.
I BET YOU COULD, CHRISTY.
OKAY, WE'VE GOT SOME MORE
I BET YOU COULD, CHRISTY.
OKAY, WE'VE GOT SOME MORE
EXERCISES FOR YOU TO DO.
OKAY, WE'VE GOT SOME MORE
EXERCISES FOR YOU TO DO.
GET DOWN ON THE FLOOR THERE.
OKAY, WE'RE GONNA DO SOME LEG
LIFTS.
OKAY, LIFT YOUR LEGS UP.
SPREAD THEM OUT A LITTLE.
WIDEN THEM OUT EVERY TIME YOU
COME UP.
THAT'S IT, LIKE THAT.
REMEMBER, EVERYBODY, THESE ARE
EASY EXERCISES.
YOU DON'T NEED ANY SPECIAL
EQUIPMENT UNLESS YOU WANT.
CHRISTY, CAN YOU THINK OF ANY
SPECIAL EQUIPMENT THAT MIGHT
MAKE THIS EXERCISE A LITTLE MORE
INTERESTING?
NOT RIGHT NOW.
WELL, YOU LET ME KNOW IF YOU
DO.
[CHUCKLES]
OKAY, WIDER, CHRISTY, WIDER.
ROLL OVER ON YOUR SIDE.
THAT'S IT.
NOW, THIS IS GOOD FOR THE
ABDOMINAL MUSCLES, YOUR OUTER
THIGH, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, THE
GRACILIS MUSCLE, OR INNER THIGH.
CAN I LET MY LEG DOWN?
BETTER LET ME GET MY HAND OUT
OF THERE FIRST, CHRISTY.
[GIGGLES]
WORKING UP A LITTLE SWEAT
THERE, CHRISTY?
YES.
OKAY, LET'S MOVE ON TO
SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
CHRISTY CAME IN.
SHE'S GOT A SPECIAL EXERCISE SHE
JUST LEARNED, RIGHT?
THAT'S RIGHT.
I DEVELOPED IT MYSELF.
OKAY, LET'S SEE IT, CHRISTY.
[LAUGHS]
THIS IS ONE EVERY BROAD SHOULD
KNOW.
OKAY, FOR THIS NEXT EXERCISE,
ALL YOU NEED IS AN ORDINARY
STRAIGHT-BACKED CHAIR LIKE THIS
KITCHEN CHAIR I BROUGHT IN MY
STATION WAGON.
OKAY, CHRISTY.
NOW BEND OVER THE CHAIR LIKE
THAT, AND LIFT THE CHAIR.
NOW BEND OVER THE CHAIR LIKE
THAT, AND LIFT THE CHAIR.
YOU SEE HOW HARD THAT IS?
THAT, AND LIFT THE CHAIR.
YOU SEE HOW HARD THAT IS?
YOU KNOW WHY?
YOU SEE HOW HARD THAT IS?
YOU KNOW WHY?
'CAUSE IT'S PULLING ON YOUR
YOU KNOW WHY?
'CAUSE IT'S PULLING ON YOUR
BICEPS, YOUR TRICEPS, LEVATOR
'CAUSE IT'S PULLING ON YOUR
BICEPS, YOUR TRICEPS, LEVATOR
SCAPULAE MUSCLES, AND ESPECIALLY
BICEPS, YOUR TRICEPS, LEVATOR
SCAPULAE MUSCLES, AND ESPECIALLY
YOUR PECTORAL MUSCLES RIGHT
SCAPULAE MUSCLES, AND ESPECIALLY
YOUR PECTORAL MUSCLES RIGHT
HERE.
YOUR PECTORAL MUSCLES RIGHT
HERE.
LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE BEEN DOING A
HERE.
LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE BEEN DOING A
LOT OF THESE, CHRISTY.
LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE BEEN DOING A
LOT OF THESE, CHRISTY.
WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
LOT OF THESE, CHRISTY.
WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
THIS REMIND YOU OF ANYTHING,
WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
THIS REMIND YOU OF ANYTHING,
CHRISTY?
THIS REMIND YOU OF ANYTHING,
CHRISTY?
NO.
CHRISTY?
NO.
I'LL BET YOU DON'T.
NO.
I'LL BET YOU DON'T.
OKAY, VIEWERS.
I'LL BET YOU DON'T.
OKAY, VIEWERS.
I'M GONNA LET CHRISTY TAKE A
OKAY, VIEWERS.
I'M GONNA LET CHRISTY TAKE A
LITTLE BREAK.
I'M GONNA LET CHRISTY TAKE A
LITTLE BREAK.
I'M GOING TO CLOSE THE SHOW WITH
LITTLE BREAK.
I'M GOING TO CLOSE THE SHOW WITH
SOME SIMPLE PUSHUPS, AND, OF
I'M GOING TO CLOSE THE SHOW WITH
SOME SIMPLE PUSHUPS, AND, OF
COURSE, MYSELF, E. BUZZ, WILL BE
SOME SIMPLE PUSHUPS, AND, OF
COURSE, MYSELF, E. BUZZ, WILL BE
DOING THESE PUSH-UPS.
COURSE, MYSELF, E. BUZZ, WILL BE
DOING THESE PUSH-UPS.
THEY'RE FINGERTIP PUSH-UPS, AND
DOING THESE PUSH-UPS.
THEY'RE FINGERTIP PUSH-UPS, AND
THEY GO LIKE THIS.
THEY'RE FINGERTIP PUSH-UPS, AND
THEY GO LIKE THIS.
CHRISTY, YOU WANT TO COME UNDER
THEY GO LIKE THIS.
CHRISTY, YOU WANT TO COME UNDER
HERE AND HELP ME?
CHRISTY, YOU WANT TO COME UNDER
HERE AND HELP ME?
I DON'T THINK SO.
HERE AND HELP ME?
I DON'T THINK SO.
WELL, MAYBE A LITTLE LATER.
I DON'T THINK SO.
WELL, MAYBE A LITTLE LATER.
THIS IS E. BUZZ MILLER SAYING
WELL, MAYBE A LITTLE LATER.
THIS IS E. BUZZ MILLER SAYING
SO LONG, VIEWERS.
THIS IS E. BUZZ MILLER SAYING
SO LONG, VIEWERS.
REMEMBER, IT'S IMPORTANT TO STAY
SO LONG, VIEWERS.
REMEMBER, IT'S IMPORTANT TO STAY
IN SHAPE... ESPECIALLY YOU
REMEMBER, IT'S IMPORTANT TO STAY
IN SHAPE... ESPECIALLY YOU
BROADS.
ONCE AGAIN, HERE'S
KEITH JARRETT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
KEITH JARRETT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[PIANO PLAYS MID-TEMPO MUSIC]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[HORNS HONKING]
GILDA!
GILDA, GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA, GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA, GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA!
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
CIAO, MY DARLINGS!
ELLA.
ELLA.
GILDA, BLOW ME A KISS!
ELLA.
GILDA, BLOW ME A KISS!
I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN!
GILDA, BLOW ME A KISS!
I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN!
CIAO, MARCELLO.
I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN!
CIAO, MARCELLO.
STILL SLEEPING WITH GILDA, EH?
CIAO, MARCELLO.
STILL SLEEPING WITH GILDA, EH?
OH, GOD, THIS PLACE IS FULL
STILL SLEEPING WITH GILDA, EH?
OH, GOD, THIS PLACE IS FULL
OF TELEVISION PEOPLE.
OH, GOD, THIS PLACE IS FULL
OF TELEVISION PEOPLE.
PIETRO!
OF TELEVISION PEOPLE.
PIETRO!
CHAMPAGNE AND CAVIAR.
PIETRO!
CHAMPAGNE AND CAVIAR.
I'M DYING OF THIRST.
CHAMPAGNE AND CAVIAR.
I'M DYING OF THIRST.
THE EARLY FITZGERALD WAS
I'M DYING OF THIRST.
THE EARLY FITZGERALD WAS
GOOD.
THE EARLY FITZGERALD WAS
GOOD.
BUT THEN CAME AN ORGY OF BRUTAL
GOOD.
BUT THEN CAME AN ORGY OF BRUTAL
REALISM.
BUT THEN CAME AN ORGY OF BRUTAL
REALISM.
I NEVER WATCH TELEVISION.
REALISM.
I NEVER WATCH TELEVISION.
NEVER.
I NEVER WATCH TELEVISION.
NEVER.
I DON'T EVEN OWN A TOASTER.
NEVER.
I DON'T EVEN OWN A TOASTER.
ELECTRICITY... EVIL.
I DON'T EVEN OWN A TOASTER.
ELECTRICITY... EVIL.
IT KILLS THE CREATIVE MICROBES.
ELECTRICITY... EVIL.
IT KILLS THE CREATIVE MICROBES.
OH, GILDA, DON'T YOU FIND
IT KILLS THE CREATIVE MICROBES.
OH, GILDA, DON'T YOU FIND
THESE PEOPLE BORING AND STUPID?
OH, GILDA, DON'T YOU FIND
THESE PEOPLE BORING AND STUPID?
LET US GO TO THE COLISEUM AND
THESE PEOPLE BORING AND STUPID?
LET US GO TO THE COLISEUM AND
MAKE LOVE.
LET US GO TO THE COLISEUM AND
MAKE LOVE.
IT IS ALMOST DAWN.
MAKE LOVE.
IT IS ALMOST DAWN.
DON'T LEAVE ME, MARCELLO.
IT IS ALMOST DAWN.
DON'T LEAVE ME, MARCELLO.
DON'T GO.
DON'T LEAVE ME, MARCELLO.
DON'T GO.
I MUST RIDE THIS ENCHANTING
DON'T GO.
I MUST RIDE THIS ENCHANTING
TIGRESS.
I MUST RIDE THIS ENCHANTING
TIGRESS.
[LAUGHS]
TIGRESS.
[LAUGHS]
STAY DOWN WHILE I RIDE YOU.
[LAUGHS]
STAY DOWN WHILE I RIDE YOU.
[GROWLING]
STAY DOWN WHILE I RIDE YOU.
[GROWLING]
SHOW THESE BORING PEOPLE HOW
[GROWLING]
SHOW THESE BORING PEOPLE HOW
TO HAVE FUN.
SHOW THESE BORING PEOPLE HOW
TO HAVE FUN.
TALK AND KISSES, THEN TO
TO HAVE FUN.
TALK AND KISSES, THEN TO
SLEEP.
TALK AND KISSES, THEN TO
SLEEP.
THAT'S HIS SPEED...
SLEEP.
THAT'S HIS SPEED...
FORGET ABOUT IT.
THAT'S HIS SPEED...
FORGET ABOUT IT.
JUST LIKE A LITTLE HORSE OR
FORGET ABOUT IT.
JUST LIKE A LITTLE HORSE OR
A DONKEY.
JUST LIKE A LITTLE HORSE OR
A DONKEY.
FASTER, FASTER.
A DONKEY.
FASTER, FASTER.
YIPPEE!
FASTER, FASTER.
YIPPEE!
CALIFORNIA! CALIFORNIA?
YIPPEE!
CALIFORNIA! CALIFORNIA?
YOU GOT THE COKE, YOU GOT THE
CALIFORNIA! CALIFORNIA?
YOU GOT THE COKE, YOU GOT THE
CARS, YOU GOT THE QUAALUDES, YOU
YOU GOT THE COKE, YOU GOT THE
CARS, YOU GOT THE QUAALUDES, YOU
GOT THE...
CARS, YOU GOT THE QUAALUDES, YOU
GOT THE...
SLEEP.
GOT THE...
SLEEP.
MUST BE A LEO.
SLEEP.
MUST BE A LEO.
I KNOW I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH.
MUST BE A LEO.
I KNOW I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH.
I KISS YOU, I NEED YOU.
I KNOW I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH.
I KISS YOU, I NEED YOU.
GILDA, GILDA, MY BRIGHT
I KISS YOU, I NEED YOU.
GILDA, GILDA, MY BRIGHT
CHILD.
GILDA, GILDA, MY BRIGHT
CHILD.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER ME?
CHILD.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER ME?
FASTER, FASTER, YES, YES,
DON'T YOU REMEMBER ME?
FASTER, FASTER, YES, YES,
YES.
FASTER, FASTER, YES, YES,
YES.
MANGIA, MANGIA, EAT
YES.
MANGIA, MANGIA, EAT
SOMETHING.
MANGIA, MANGIA, EAT
SOMETHING.
I'M NOT HUNGRY, I'M NOT
SOMETHING.
I'M NOT HUNGRY, I'M NOT
HUNGRY!
I'M NOT HUNGRY, I'M NOT
HUNGRY!
All: GILDA!
HUNGRY!
All: GILDA!
GILDA!
All: GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA!
[SCREAMS]
GILDA!
[SCREAMS]
LEAVE ME ALONE!
YOU'RE STILL FOLLOWING ME?
STOP! LEAVE ME ALONE!
I'M JUST TEASING.
COME HERE.
COME... CLOSER.
COME HERE.
COME... CLOSER.
YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU, MY LITTLE
COME... CLOSER.
YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU, MY LITTLE
MONKEYS.
YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU, MY LITTLE
MONKEYS.
BUT LEAVE ME MY DREAMS.
MONKEYS.
BUT LEAVE ME MY DREAMS.
DREAMS ARE LIKE PAPER... THEY
BUT LEAVE ME MY DREAMS.
DREAMS ARE LIKE PAPER... THEY
TEAR SO EASILY.
DREAMS ARE LIKE PAPER... THEY
TEAR SO EASILY.
BUT I LOVE TO PLAY.
TEAR SO EASILY.
BUT I LOVE TO PLAY.
BUT EVERY TIME I PLAY, YOU WIN.
BUT I LOVE TO PLAY.
BUT EVERY TIME I PLAY, YOU WIN.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
BUT EVERY TIME I PLAY, YOU WIN.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
CIAO.
THE MAGNA CONCORD HOVERCRAFT
SYSTEMS GROUP PRESENTS
"ARCHAROLOGICUS" WITH YOUR HOST,
SYSTEMS GROUP PRESENTS
"ARCHAROLOGICUS" WITH YOUR HOST,
TINA GEMINI.
"ARCHAROLOGICUS" WITH YOUR HOST,
TINA GEMINI.
GOOD EVENING.
TINA GEMINI.
GOOD EVENING.
I'M TINA GEMINI.
GOOD EVENING.
I'M TINA GEMINI.
ON APRIL 12, 1962, A GROUP OF
I'M TINA GEMINI.
ON APRIL 12, 1962, A GROUP OF
EXPLORERS WORKING IN THE
ON APRIL 12, 1962, A GROUP OF
EXPLORERS WORKING IN THE
BLISTERING DESERT HEAT IN A
EXPLORERS WORKING IN THE
BLISTERING DESERT HEAT IN A
SMALL COMMUNITY NEAR
BLISTERING DESERT HEAT IN A
SMALL COMMUNITY NEAR
PALM SPRINGS ENTERED THIS LONG
SMALL COMMUNITY NEAR
PALM SPRINGS ENTERED THIS LONG
CORRIDOR.
PALM SPRINGS ENTERED THIS LONG
CORRIDOR.
EXACTLY 50 PACES AWAY, THEY
CORRIDOR.
EXACTLY 50 PACES AWAY, THEY
BROKE INTO A SEALED OPENING TO
EXACTLY 50 PACES AWAY, THEY
BROKE INTO A SEALED OPENING TO
THIS CHAMBER WITHIN.
BROKE INTO A SEALED OPENING TO
THIS CHAMBER WITHIN.
THEY BEHELD SOME OF THE MOST
THIS CHAMBER WITHIN.
THEY BEHELD SOME OF THE MOST
SPLENDID EXAMPLES OF FUNERARY
THEY BEHELD SOME OF THE MOST
SPLENDID EXAMPLES OF FUNERARY
RICHES KNOWN TO MANKIND... THE
SPLENDID EXAMPLES OF FUNERARY
RICHES KNOWN TO MANKIND... THE
RELICS OF AN AGE GONE BY,
RICHES KNOWN TO MANKIND... THE
RELICS OF AN AGE GONE BY,
PERFECTLY PRESERVED FOR US
RELICS OF AN AGE GONE BY,
PERFECTLY PRESERVED FOR US
TODAY.
JOIN ME AS WE DISCOVER TOGETHER
THE TREASURES OF MORTON KAMEN.
AT THE MOMENT OF MORTON KAMEN'S
DEATH, THE AIR CONDITIONING IN
THE SEALED CHAMBER WAS SET SO
DEATH, THE AIR CONDITIONING IN
THE SEALED CHAMBER WAS SET SO
LOW THAT EVERYTHING, INCLUDING
THE SEALED CHAMBER WAS SET SO
LOW THAT EVERYTHING, INCLUDING
HIS WIFE, SHIRLEY, HAS BEEN
LOW THAT EVERYTHING, INCLUDING
HIS WIFE, SHIRLEY, HAS BEEN
PERFECTLY PRESERVED.
HIS WIFE, SHIRLEY, HAS BEEN
PERFECTLY PRESERVED.
ALL WE KNOW ABOUT MORTON KAMEN
PERFECTLY PRESERVED.
ALL WE KNOW ABOUT MORTON KAMEN
IS THAT HE WAS AN INCREDIBLY
ALL WE KNOW ABOUT MORTON KAMEN
IS THAT HE WAS AN INCREDIBLY
RICH MAN WHO SURROUNDED HIMSELF
IS THAT HE WAS AN INCREDIBLY
RICH MAN WHO SURROUNDED HIMSELF
WITH THE SPOILS OF HIS
RICH MAN WHO SURROUNDED HIMSELF
WITH THE SPOILS OF HIS
CIVILIZATION.
WITH THE SPOILS OF HIS
CIVILIZATION.
POWERFUL AMULETS PROTECTED HIS
CIVILIZATION.
POWERFUL AMULETS PROTECTED HIS
FEET WHILE POTENT ANIMAL
POWERFUL AMULETS PROTECTED HIS
FEET WHILE POTENT ANIMAL
SYMBOLS, LIKE THE HOLY
FEET WHILE POTENT ANIMAL
SYMBOLS, LIKE THE HOLY
ALLIGATOR, WERE USED TO PROTECT
SYMBOLS, LIKE THE HOLY
ALLIGATOR, WERE USED TO PROTECT
HIS LIFE.
ALLIGATOR, WERE USED TO PROTECT
HIS LIFE.
HE HAD LITERALLY HUNDREDS OF
HIS LIFE.
HE HAD LITERALLY HUNDREDS OF
TUNICS LIKE THIS IN VIRTUALLY
HE HAD LITERALLY HUNDREDS OF
TUNICS LIKE THIS IN VIRTUALLY
EVERY COLOR OF THE RAINBOW.
TUNICS LIKE THIS IN VIRTUALLY
EVERY COLOR OF THE RAINBOW.
THE SACRIFICIAL FEASTS WERE
EVERY COLOR OF THE RAINBOW.
THE SACRIFICIAL FEASTS WERE
PREPARED IN THIS VESSEL, AND
THE SACRIFICIAL FEASTS WERE
PREPARED IN THIS VESSEL, AND
MIRACULOUSLY, THE REMAINS OF A
PREPARED IN THIS VESSEL, AND
MIRACULOUSLY, THE REMAINS OF A
FRESH-WATER TUNA FISH AND NOODLE
MIRACULOUSLY, THE REMAINS OF A
FRESH-WATER TUNA FISH AND NOODLE
OFFERING ARE AS FRESH TODAY AS
FRESH-WATER TUNA FISH AND NOODLE
OFFERING ARE AS FRESH TODAY AS
THE DAY IT WAS PREPARED.
OFFERING ARE AS FRESH TODAY AS
THE DAY IT WAS PREPARED.
AND HERE, THE MOST EXCITING OF
THE DAY IT WAS PREPARED.
AND HERE, THE MOST EXCITING OF
THE RICHES IS THE FAMOUS GOLDEN
AND HERE, THE MOST EXCITING OF
THE RICHES IS THE FAMOUS GOLDEN
CHARIOT OF MORTON KAMEN, USED,
THE RICHES IS THE FAMOUS GOLDEN
CHARIOT OF MORTON KAMEN, USED,
WE BELIEVE, IN AN ANCIENT RITUAL
CHARIOT OF MORTON KAMEN, USED,
WE BELIEVE, IN AN ANCIENT RITUAL
UTILIZING LONG STICKS TO BAT
WE BELIEVE, IN AN ANCIENT RITUAL
UTILIZING LONG STICKS TO BAT
TINY BALLS INTO HOLES IN THE
UTILIZING LONG STICKS TO BAT
TINY BALLS INTO HOLES IN THE
GROUND FOR PUBLIC ADULATION.
TINY BALLS INTO HOLES IN THE
GROUND FOR PUBLIC ADULATION.
ANOTHER FIND WAS THIS PRIMITIVE
GROUND FOR PUBLIC ADULATION.
ANOTHER FIND WAS THIS PRIMITIVE
RECORDING DEVICE, WHICH ENABLES
ANOTHER FIND WAS THIS PRIMITIVE
RECORDING DEVICE, WHICH ENABLES
US TO ACTUALLY HEAR
RECORDING DEVICE, WHICH ENABLES
US TO ACTUALLY HEAR
MORTON KAMEN'S VOICE AND THIS
US TO ACTUALLY HEAR
MORTON KAMEN'S VOICE AND THIS
STRANGE MESSAGE.
MORTON KAMEN'S VOICE AND THIS
STRANGE MESSAGE.
Hello!
STRANGE MESSAGE.
Hello!
Morton and Shirley are out right
Hello!
Morton and Shirley are out right
now, but we'll be good to get
Morton and Shirley are out right
now, but we'll be good to get
back if you leave your name and
now, but we'll be good to get
back if you leave your name and
number after the beep tone.
Back if you leave your name and
number after the beep tone.
Have a nice day.
Number after the beep tone.
Have a nice day.
[Beep]
Have a nice day.
[Beep]
DID THAT BEEP FREQUENCY
[Beep]
DID THAT BEEP FREQUENCY
BRAINWASH CALLERS INTO OBEDIENCE
DID THAT BEEP FREQUENCY
BRAINWASH CALLERS INTO OBEDIENCE
TO MORTON KAMEN?
BRAINWASH CALLERS INTO OBEDIENCE
TO MORTON KAMEN?
YOU CAN SEE THAT PEOPLE WERE
TO MORTON KAMEN?
YOU CAN SEE THAT PEOPLE WERE
TREATED AS SLAVES WITH NUMBERS
YOU CAN SEE THAT PEOPLE WERE
TREATED AS SLAVES WITH NUMBERS
INSTEAD OF NAMES, BUT PERHAPS
TREATED AS SLAVES WITH NUMBERS
INSTEAD OF NAMES, BUT PERHAPS
THE MOST ENIGMATIC FIND IN
INSTEAD OF NAMES, BUT PERHAPS
THE MOST ENIGMATIC FIND IN
MORTON KAMEN'S TOMB IS THIS PAIR
THE MOST ENIGMATIC FIND IN
MORTON KAMEN'S TOMB IS THIS PAIR
OF ZIPPERED RUBBER UNDERPANTS.
MORTON KAMEN'S TOMB IS THIS PAIR
OF ZIPPERED RUBBER UNDERPANTS.
THEY WERE FOUND HIDDEN IN A
OF ZIPPERED RUBBER UNDERPANTS.
THEY WERE FOUND HIDDEN IN A
COMPARTMENT NEAR THE WATER
THEY WERE FOUND HIDDEN IN A
COMPARTMENT NEAR THE WATER
CHAMBER.
COMPARTMENT NEAR THE WATER
CHAMBER.
ATTACHED TO THEM WAS THE STRANGE
CHAMBER.
ATTACHED TO THEM WAS THE STRANGE
CURSE OF MORTON KAMEN.
ATTACHED TO THEM WAS THE STRANGE
CURSE OF MORTON KAMEN.
"SALE OF THIS NOVELTY ITEM TO
CURSE OF MORTON KAMEN.
"SALE OF THIS NOVELTY ITEM TO
MINORS IS FORBIDDEN BY LAW."
"SALE OF THIS NOVELTY ITEM TO
MINORS IS FORBIDDEN BY LAW."
UNTIL WE FULLY DISCOVER THE
MINORS IS FORBIDDEN BY LAW."
UNTIL WE FULLY DISCOVER THE
SIGNIFICANCE OF RUBBER
UNTIL WE FULLY DISCOVER THE
SIGNIFICANCE OF RUBBER
UNDERWEAR, THIS ADMONITION WILL
SIGNIFICANCE OF RUBBER
UNDERWEAR, THIS ADMONITION WILL
REMAIN AS MUCH A MYSTERY AS WHY
UNDERWEAR, THIS ADMONITION WILL
REMAIN AS MUCH A MYSTERY AS WHY
MORTON KAMEN AND HIS WIFE,
REMAIN AS MUCH A MYSTERY AS WHY
MORTON KAMEN AND HIS WIFE,
SHIRLEY, WERE PRESERVED TO BEGIN
MORTON KAMEN AND HIS WIFE,
SHIRLEY, WERE PRESERVED TO BEGIN
WITH.
SHIRLEY, WERE PRESERVED TO BEGIN
WITH.
UNTIL THEN, I BID YOU A GOOD
WITH.
UNTIL THEN, I BID YOU A GOOD
NIGHT.
HOWARD JOHNSON IS A MEMBER OF
THE "SATURDAY NIGHT" BAND.
HE'S HERE TONIGHT WITH HIS OWN
THE "SATURDAY NIGHT" BAND.
HE'S HERE TONIGHT WITH HIS OWN
BAND.
HE'S HERE TONIGHT WITH HIS OWN
BAND.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, GRAVITY.
BAND.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, GRAVITY.
[MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]
[TEMPO INCREASES]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WELL, THAT'S IT FOR THIS
EVENING.
IT WASN'T SUCH A BAD BOOTH DAY,
EVENING.
IT WASN'T SUCH A BAD BOOTH DAY,
WAS IT?
IT WASN'T SUCH A BAD BOOTH DAY,
WAS IT?
[APPLAUSE]
WAS IT?
[APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
[APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
I'D LIKE TO THANK
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
I'D LIKE TO THANK
MR. KEITH JARRETT.
I'D LIKE TO THANK
MR. KEITH JARRETT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
MR. KEITH JARRETT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HOWARD JOHNSON AND THE GROUP
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HOWARD JOHNSON AND THE GROUP
GRAVITY!
HOWARD JOHNSON AND THE GROUP
GRAVITY!
ALL RIGHT!
GRAVITY!
ALL RIGHT!
THE PEOPLE WHO HELPED ME THROUGH
ALL RIGHT!
THE PEOPLE WHO HELPED ME THROUGH
ALL THIS... THE
THE PEOPLE WHO HELPED ME THROUGH
ALL THIS... THE
NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME
ALL THIS... THE
NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME
PLAYERS.
NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME
PLAYERS.
COME ON IN, GUYS.
PLAYERS.
COME ON IN, GUYS.
MR. LORNE MICHAELS.
Announcer: NEXT SATURDAY
NIGHT, OUR HOST WILL BE
STEVE MARTIN, WITH MUSICAL
GUEST THE BLUES BROTHERS.
THIS IS DON PARDO, HIS MOUTH,
AND HIS MICROPHONE.
GOOD NIGHT.
HOUSE, THE PRESIDENT OF THE
UNITED STATES.
GOOD EVENING, MY FELLOW
AMERICANS.
IN THE PAST, I HAVE GIVEN
AMERICANS.
IN THE PAST, I HAVE GIVEN
FIRESIDE CHATS.
IN THE PAST, I HAVE GIVEN
FIRESIDE CHATS.
TONIGHT, BECAUSE IT IS SPRING, I
FIRESIDE CHATS.
TONIGHT, BECAUSE IT IS SPRING, I
HAVE CHOSEN TO GIVE A PLANTSIDE
TONIGHT, BECAUSE IT IS SPRING, I
HAVE CHOSEN TO GIVE A PLANTSIDE
CHAT.
HAVE CHOSEN TO GIVE A PLANTSIDE
CHAT.
I LOVE THE SPRING.
CHAT.
I LOVE THE SPRING.
EVERYTHING GROWS... PLANTS,
I LOVE THE SPRING.
EVERYTHING GROWS... PLANTS,
TREES, LITTLE BABY ANIMALS...
EVERYTHING GROWS... PLANTS,
TREES, LITTLE BABY ANIMALS...
BUT SOME THINGS DON'T.
TREES, LITTLE BABY ANIMALS...
BUT SOME THINGS DON'T.
SOME THINGS GROW THAT WE DON'T
BUT SOME THINGS DON'T.
SOME THINGS GROW THAT WE DON'T
WANT TO GROW, LIKE INFLATION.
SOME THINGS GROW THAT WE DON'T
WANT TO GROW, LIKE INFLATION.
INFLATION IS OUR NATION'S
WANT TO GROW, LIKE INFLATION.
INFLATION IS OUR NATION'S
NUMBER-ONE PROBLEM, YET MOST
INFLATION IS OUR NATION'S
NUMBER-ONE PROBLEM, YET MOST
PEOPLE DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND IT,
NUMBER-ONE PROBLEM, YET MOST
PEOPLE DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND IT,
BUT IT'S REALLY QUITE SIMPLE.
PEOPLE DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND IT,
BUT IT'S REALLY QUITE SIMPLE.
INFLATION IS CAUSED BY TOO MANY
BUT IT'S REALLY QUITE SIMPLE.
INFLATION IS CAUSED BY TOO MANY
DOLLARS CHASING TOO FEW GOODS.
INFLATION IS CAUSED BY TOO MANY
DOLLARS CHASING TOO FEW GOODS.
NOW, THE EASIEST WAY TO GET
DOLLARS CHASING TOO FEW GOODS.
NOW, THE EASIEST WAY TO GET
MONEY OUT OF CIRCULATION IS TO
NOW, THE EASIEST WAY TO GET
MONEY OUT OF CIRCULATION IS TO
MAINTAIN HIGH UNEMPLOYMENT SO
MONEY OUT OF CIRCULATION IS TO
MAINTAIN HIGH UNEMPLOYMENT SO
PEOPLE WON'T HAVE JOBS OR MONEY
MAINTAIN HIGH UNEMPLOYMENT SO
PEOPLE WON'T HAVE JOBS OR MONEY
TO SPEND.
PEOPLE WON'T HAVE JOBS OR MONEY
TO SPEND.
THIS IS A PROGRAM MY
TO SPEND.
THIS IS A PROGRAM MY
ADMINISTRATION HAS ACTIVELY
THIS IS A PROGRAM MY
ADMINISTRATION HAS ACTIVELY
PURSUED.
ADMINISTRATION HAS ACTIVELY
PURSUED.
YET INFLATION CONTINUES TO RISE,
PURSUED.
YET INFLATION CONTINUES TO RISE,
AND SO TONIGHT, I'M PROPOSING A
YET INFLATION CONTINUES TO RISE,
AND SO TONIGHT, I'M PROPOSING A
NEW PROGRAM, ONE WHICH WILL CALL
AND SO TONIGHT, I'M PROPOSING A
NEW PROGRAM, ONE WHICH WILL CALL
ON ALL AMERICANS TO SACRIFICE
NEW PROGRAM, ONE WHICH WILL CALL
ON ALL AMERICANS TO SACRIFICE
ONCE AGAIN, BUT WHICH WILL,
ON ALL AMERICANS TO SACRIFICE
ONCE AGAIN, BUT WHICH WILL,
HOWEVER, HAVE IMMEDIATE EFFECT.
ONCE AGAIN, BUT WHICH WILL,
HOWEVER, HAVE IMMEDIATE EFFECT.
I'M ASKING EACH AND EVERY
HOWEVER, HAVE IMMEDIATE EFFECT.
I'M ASKING EACH AND EVERY
AMERICAN TO TAKE 8% OF YOUR
I'M ASKING EACH AND EVERY
AMERICAN TO TAKE 8% OF YOUR
MONEY AND BURN IT.
AMERICAN TO TAKE 8% OF YOUR
MONEY AND BURN IT.
NOW, I KNOW...
MONEY AND BURN IT.
NOW, I KNOW...
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
NOW, I KNOW...
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I KNOW YOU MAY BE SAYING, "WHY,
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I KNOW YOU MAY BE SAYING, "WHY,
THAT SOUNDS CRAZY, JIMMY," BUT
I KNOW YOU MAY BE SAYING, "WHY,
THAT SOUNDS CRAZY, JIMMY," BUT
IF ALL OF US BURN 8% OF OUR
THAT SOUNDS CRAZY, JIMMY," BUT
IF ALL OF US BURN 8% OF OUR
MONEY, LESS MONEY WILL BE IN
IF ALL OF US BURN 8% OF OUR
MONEY, LESS MONEY WILL BE IN
CIRCULATION.
MONEY, LESS MONEY WILL BE IN
CIRCULATION.
IN NO TIME AT ALL, PRICES WILL
CIRCULATION.
IN NO TIME AT ALL, PRICES WILL
HOPEFULLY GO DOWN, SO YOU'LL BE
IN NO TIME AT ALL, PRICES WILL
HOPEFULLY GO DOWN, SO YOU'LL BE
ABLE TO SAVE MORE OF YOUR MONEY
HOPEFULLY GO DOWN, SO YOU'LL BE
ABLE TO SAVE MORE OF YOUR MONEY
FOR FUTURE BURNINGS.
ABLE TO SAVE MORE OF YOUR MONEY
FOR FUTURE BURNINGS.
NOW, THE MOST DIFFICULT THING
FOR FUTURE BURNINGS.
NOW, THE MOST DIFFICULT THING
ABOUT ASKING FOR MUTUAL
NOW, THE MOST DIFFICULT THING
ABOUT ASKING FOR MUTUAL
SACRIFICE IS WHO WILL SACRIFICE
ABOUT ASKING FOR MUTUAL
SACRIFICE IS WHO WILL SACRIFICE
FIRST.
SACRIFICE IS WHO WILL SACRIFICE
FIRST.
SINCE I'M THE PRESIDENT, I FEEL
FIRST.
SINCE I'M THE PRESIDENT, I FEEL
THAT THE SACRIFICE SHOULD START
SINCE I'M THE PRESIDENT, I FEEL
THAT THE SACRIFICE SHOULD START
WITH MY OWN FAMILY.
THAT THE SACRIFICE SHOULD START
WITH MY OWN FAMILY.
AMY?
WITH MY OWN FAMILY.
AMY?
I HAVE ASKED MY OWN DAUGHTER,
AMY?
I HAVE ASKED MY OWN DAUGHTER,
AMY, TO BRING DOWN HER SAVINGS.
I HAVE ASKED MY OWN DAUGHTER,
AMY, TO BRING DOWN HER SAVINGS.
SWEETHEART, HOW MUCH DO YOU HAVE
AMY, TO BRING DOWN HER SAVINGS.
SWEETHEART, HOW MUCH DO YOU HAVE
IN YOUR PEANUT-BUTTER BANK?
SWEETHEART, HOW MUCH DO YOU HAVE
IN YOUR PEANUT-BUTTER BANK?
WELL, DADDY, I SAVED $12.50.
IN YOUR PEANUT-BUTTER BANK?
WELL, DADDY, I SAVED $12.50.
GOOD.
WELL, DADDY, I SAVED $12.50.
GOOD.
NOW, HONEYBUNCH, CAN YOU FIGURE
GOOD.
NOW, HONEYBUNCH, CAN YOU FIGURE
OUT WHAT 8% OF $12.50 IS?
NOW, HONEYBUNCH, CAN YOU FIGURE
OUT WHAT 8% OF $12.50 IS?
SURE, DADDY.
OUT WHAT 8% OF $12.50 IS?
SURE, DADDY.
8% OF $12.50 IS $1.
SURE, DADDY.
8% OF $12.50 IS $1.
EXACTLY $1, DADDY.
8% OF $12.50 IS $1.
EXACTLY $1, DADDY.
OKAY, AMY.
EXACTLY $1, DADDY.
OKAY, AMY.
GIVE ME A DOLLAR.
OKAY, AMY.
GIVE ME A DOLLAR.
OKAY, DADDY.
GIVE ME A DOLLAR.
OKAY, DADDY.
YOU KNOW WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO?
OKAY, DADDY.
YOU KNOW WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO?
WE'RE GONNA BURN THE DOLLAR,
YOU KNOW WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO?
WE'RE GONNA BURN THE DOLLAR,
DADDY!
WE'RE GONNA BURN THE DOLLAR,
DADDY!
THAT'S RIGHT, PEANUT-BUTTER
DADDY!
THAT'S RIGHT, PEANUT-BUTTER
CUP.
THAT'S RIGHT, PEANUT-BUTTER
CUP.
AND DO YOU KNOW WHY?
CUP.
AND DO YOU KNOW WHY?
TO FIGHT INFLATION!
AND DO YOU KNOW WHY?
TO FIGHT INFLATION!
[LIGHTER CLICKING]
TO FIGHT INFLATION!
[LIGHTER CLICKING]
WE'RE TRYING TO SAVE FUEL
[LIGHTER CLICKING]
WE'RE TRYING TO SAVE FUEL
HERE AT THE WHITE HOUSE.
WE'RE TRYING TO SAVE FUEL
HERE AT THE WHITE HOUSE.
TRYING TO SAVE ON BUTANE.
HERE AT THE WHITE HOUSE.
TRYING TO SAVE ON BUTANE.
YOU'RE A GOOD GIRL, AMY.
NOW, I'M ASKING ALL AMERICANS TO
FOLLOW THE EXAMPLE HERE SET
TONIGHT.
FOLLOW THE EXAMPLE HERE SET
TONIGHT.
MONDAY MORNING, GO TO THE BANK
TONIGHT.
MONDAY MORNING, GO TO THE BANK
AND WITHDRAW 8% OF YOUR MONEY
MONDAY MORNING, GO TO THE BANK
AND WITHDRAW 8% OF YOUR MONEY
AND BURN IT.
AND WITHDRAW 8% OF YOUR MONEY
AND BURN IT.
IF EVERYONE COOPERATES, PRICES
AND BURN IT.
IF EVERYONE COOPERATES, PRICES
MAY NOT GO LOWER, BUT THEY WILL
IF EVERYONE COOPERATES, PRICES
MAY NOT GO LOWER, BUT THEY WILL
BE ON THEIR WAY TOWARDS
MAY NOT GO LOWER, BUT THEY WILL
BE ON THEIR WAY TOWARDS
STABILIZING, AND YOU CAN DEPEND
BE ON THEIR WAY TOWARDS
STABILIZING, AND YOU CAN DEPEND
ON IT.
STABILIZING, AND YOU CAN DEPEND
ON IT.
DADDY, CAN I SAY IT?
ON IT.
DADDY, CAN I SAY IT?
WELL, ESKIMO PIE, WE GOT TO
DADDY, CAN I SAY IT?
WELL, ESKIMO PIE, WE GOT TO
BURN YOUR MONEY, SO WHY DON'T WE
WELL, ESKIMO PIE, WE GOT TO
BURN YOUR MONEY, SO WHY DON'T WE
LET DADDY SAY IT?
BURN YOUR MONEY, SO WHY DON'T WE
LET DADDY SAY IT?
OH, PLEASE, DADDY?
LET DADDY SAY IT?
OH, PLEASE, DADDY?
OKAY, IF YOU REALLY WANT TO
OH, PLEASE, DADDY?
OKAY, IF YOU REALLY WANT TO
DO IT, FOUR EYES.
OKAY, IF YOU REALLY WANT TO
DO IT, FOUR EYES.
OH, BOY!
DO IT, FOUR EYES.
OH, BOY!
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
OH, BOY!
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
[BAND PLAYS]
Announcer: IT'S...
STARRING...
WITH HIS SPECIAL GUEST...
WITH HOWARD JOHNSON...
JOHN BELUSHI...
JANE CURTIN...
GARRETT MORRIS...
JANE CURTIN...
GARRETT MORRIS...
BILL MURRAY...
GARRETT MORRIS...
BILL MURRAY...
LARAINE NEWMAN...
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
MICHAEL SARRAZIN!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I'M REALLY HAPPY TO BE HERE.
YOU KNOW, AT FIRST, I WAS A BIT
APPREHENSIVE TO DO A SHOW LIKE
YOU KNOW, AT FIRST, I WAS A BIT
APPREHENSIVE TO DO A SHOW LIKE
THIS.
APPREHENSIVE TO DO A SHOW LIKE
THIS.
I MEAN, I'VE DONE A LOT OF
THIS.
I MEAN, I'VE DONE A LOT OF
MOVIES, BUT THIS IS A TOTALLY
I MEAN, I'VE DONE A LOT OF
MOVIES, BUT THIS IS A TOTALLY
DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE FOR ME.
MOVIES, BUT THIS IS A TOTALLY
DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE FOR ME.
BUT EVERYBODY'S BEEN REAL NICE
DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE FOR ME.
BUT EVERYBODY'S BEEN REAL NICE
AROUND HERE, EVEN THOUGH A LOT
BUT EVERYBODY'S BEEN REAL NICE
AROUND HERE, EVEN THOUGH A LOT
OF THEM HAVE BEEN BUSY DOING
AROUND HERE, EVEN THOUGH A LOT
OF THEM HAVE BEEN BUSY DOING
THEIR TAX RETURNS, AND, WELL,
OF THEM HAVE BEEN BUSY DOING
THEIR TAX RETURNS, AND, WELL,
NOBODY'S REALLY HAPPY AROUND TAX
THEIR TAX RETURNS, AND, WELL,
NOBODY'S REALLY HAPPY AROUND TAX
TIME, ARE THEY?
NOBODY'S REALLY HAPPY AROUND TAX
TIME, ARE THEY?
I'M ALSO A LITTLE BIT NERVOUS
TIME, ARE THEY?
I'M ALSO A LITTLE BIT NERVOUS
ABOUT DOING THIS SHOW TONIGHT
I'M ALSO A LITTLE BIT NERVOUS
ABOUT DOING THIS SHOW TONIGHT
BECAUSE APRIL 15th, BESIDES
ABOUT DOING THIS SHOW TONIGHT
BECAUSE APRIL 15th, BESIDES
BEING TAX DAY, IS THE 66th
BECAUSE APRIL 15th, BESIDES
BEING TAX DAY, IS THE 66th
ANNIVERSARY OF THE SINKING OF
BEING TAX DAY, IS THE 66th
ANNIVERSARY OF THE SINKING OF
THE TITANIC.
ANNIVERSARY OF THE SINKING OF
THE TITANIC.
ANOTHER GOOD OMEN, HUH?
THE TITANIC.
ANOTHER GOOD OMEN, HUH?
BUT WORST OF ALL, IT'S ALSO
ANOTHER GOOD OMEN, HUH?
BUT WORST OF ALL, IT'S ALSO
BOOTH DAY.
BUT WORST OF ALL, IT'S ALSO
BOOTH DAY.
NOW, PROBABLY A LOT OF YOU DON'T
BOOTH DAY.
NOW, PROBABLY A LOT OF YOU DON'T
KNOW ABOUT BOOTH DAY.
NOW, PROBABLY A LOT OF YOU DON'T
KNOW ABOUT BOOTH DAY.
APRIL 15th IS THE DAY
KNOW ABOUT BOOTH DAY.
APRIL 15th IS THE DAY
ABRAHAM LINCOLN DIED.
APRIL 15th IS THE DAY
ABRAHAM LINCOLN DIED.
HE WAS, OF COURSE, SHOT BY
ABRAHAM LINCOLN DIED.
HE WAS, OF COURSE, SHOT BY
JOHN WILKES BOOTH...
HE WAS, OF COURSE, SHOT BY
JOHN WILKES BOOTH...
AN ACTOR.
JOHN WILKES BOOTH...
AN ACTOR.
YEAH.
AN ACTOR.
YEAH.
WELL, BOOTH GAVE US ACTORS A
YEAH.
WELL, BOOTH GAVE US ACTORS A
VERY BAD REPUTATION.
WELL, BOOTH GAVE US ACTORS A
VERY BAD REPUTATION.
IT'S A SUPERSTITION IN THE
VERY BAD REPUTATION.
IT'S A SUPERSTITION IN THE
THEATER THAT BOOTH DAY WILL BE A
IT'S A SUPERSTITION IN THE
THEATER THAT BOOTH DAY WILL BE A
BAD-LUCK DAY IN THE THEATER
THEATER THAT BOOTH DAY WILL BE A
BAD-LUCK DAY IN THE THEATER
UNTIL A PRESIDENT ASSASSINATES
BAD-LUCK DAY IN THE THEATER
UNTIL A PRESIDENT ASSASSINATES
AN ACTOR.
UNTIL A PRESIDENT ASSASSINATES
AN ACTOR.
BUT I THINK WE'RE SAFE.
AN ACTOR.
BUT I THINK WE'RE SAFE.
I'M JUST KEEPING MY FINGERS
BUT I THINK WE'RE SAFE.
I'M JUST KEEPING MY FINGERS
CROSSED THAT THIS BOOTH DAY WILL
I'M JUST KEEPING MY FINGERS
CROSSED THAT THIS BOOTH DAY WILL
BE AN EXCEPTION AND THAT NOTHING
CROSSED THAT THIS BOOTH DAY WILL
BE AN EXCEPTION AND THAT NOTHING
WILL GO WRONG.
BE AN EXCEPTION AND THAT NOTHING
WILL GO WRONG.
SO, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!
WILL GO WRONG.
SO, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HI.
I'M BEAUTIFUL BUT STUPID, AND I
FOUND THE SOAP THAT HELPS ME
I'M BEAUTIFUL BUT STUPID, AND I
FOUND THE SOAP THAT HELPS ME
STAY THAT WAY.
FOUND THE SOAP THAT HELPS ME
STAY THAT WAY.
MY HUSBAND SAYS I LOOK NATURAL
STAY THAT WAY.
MY HUSBAND SAYS I LOOK NATURAL
AND UNSPOILED, AND HE LOVES THE
MY HUSBAND SAYS I LOOK NATURAL
AND UNSPOILED, AND HE LOVES THE
WAY I NEVER BOTHER HIM WITH MY
AND UNSPOILED, AND HE LOVES THE
WAY I NEVER BOTHER HIM WITH MY
OPINIONS.
WAY I NEVER BOTHER HIM WITH MY
OPINIONS.
LET'S FACE IT... GOOD LOOKS AND
OPINIONS.
LET'S FACE IT... GOOD LOOKS AND
COMPLEX HUMAN EMOTIONS JUST
LET'S FACE IT... GOOD LOOKS AND
COMPLEX HUMAN EMOTIONS JUST
DON'T MIX.
COMPLEX HUMAN EMOTIONS JUST
DON'T MIX.
I GUESS THAT'S WHY I USE
DON'T MIX.
I GUESS THAT'S WHY I USE
ANGORA BOUQUET WITH pH FORMULA
I GUESS THAT'S WHY I USE
ANGORA BOUQUET WITH pH FORMULA
23.
ANGORA BOUQUET WITH pH FORMULA
23.
ANGORA BOUQUET'S THOUSANDS OF
23.
ANGORA BOUQUET'S THOUSANDS OF
TINY TRANQUILIZERS PENETRATE
ANGORA BOUQUET'S THOUSANDS OF
TINY TRANQUILIZERS PENETRATE
YOUR SKIN TO WASH REALITY AWAY
TINY TRANQUILIZERS PENETRATE
YOUR SKIN TO WASH REALITY AWAY
AND MAKE YOUR MIND AND SKIN AS
YOUR SKIN TO WASH REALITY AWAY
AND MAKE YOUR MIND AND SKIN AS
CLEAR AS A BABY'S.
AND MAKE YOUR MIND AND SKIN AS
CLEAR AS A BABY'S.
YOU SEE, ANGORA BOUQUET ACTUALLY
CLEAR AS A BABY'S.
YOU SEE, ANGORA BOUQUET ACTUALLY
CONTAINS METHAQUALONE, THE SAME
YOU SEE, ANGORA BOUQUET ACTUALLY
CONTAINS METHAQUALONE, THE SAME
TRANQUILIZING AGENT THAT IS
CONTAINS METHAQUALONE, THE SAME
TRANQUILIZING AGENT THAT IS
FOUND IN THOSE LARGE WHITE PILLS
TRANQUILIZING AGENT THAT IS
FOUND IN THOSE LARGE WHITE PILLS
I OFTEN COME ACROSS IN
FOUND IN THOSE LARGE WHITE PILLS
I OFTEN COME ACROSS IN
BILL JR.'s JEANS POCKETS WHEN I
I OFTEN COME ACROSS IN
BILL JR.'s JEANS POCKETS WHEN I
DO THE LAUNDRY.
BILL JR.'s JEANS POCKETS WHEN I
DO THE LAUNDRY.
HONEY, WHY DON'T YOU TRY THIS
DO THE LAUNDRY.
HONEY, WHY DON'T YOU TRY THIS
OTHER SIDE OF THE RAKE HERE?
HONEY, WHY DON'T YOU TRY THIS
OTHER SIDE OF THE RAKE HERE?
A LITTLE MORE LEAVES THAT WAY.
OTHER SIDE OF THE RAKE HERE?
A LITTLE MORE LEAVES THAT WAY.
I GUESS THAT'S WHY MY SOAP IS
A LITTLE MORE LEAVES THAT WAY.
I GUESS THAT'S WHY MY SOAP IS
ANGORA BOUQUET WITH pH FORMULA
I GUESS THAT'S WHY MY SOAP IS
ANGORA BOUQUET WITH pH FORMULA
23.
ANGORA BOUQUET WITH pH FORMULA
23.
ANGORA BOUQUET...
23.
ANGORA BOUQUET...
WITH pH FORMULA 23.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
HEY, SUSIE.
I HAVEN'T TOLD MY PARENTS YET,
HEY, SUSIE.
I HAVEN'T TOLD MY PARENTS YET,
BUT I'VE DECIDED NOT TO GO AWAY
I HAVEN'T TOLD MY PARENTS YET,
BUT I'VE DECIDED NOT TO GO AWAY
TO COLLEGE NEXT YEAR SO THAT WE
BUT I'VE DECIDED NOT TO GO AWAY
TO COLLEGE NEXT YEAR SO THAT WE
CAN GET MARRIED.
TO COLLEGE NEXT YEAR SO THAT WE
CAN GET MARRIED.
OH, JOHNNY!
CAN GET MARRIED.
OH, JOHNNY!
THAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY!
OH, JOHNNY!
THAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY!
OKAY, OKAY, QUIET DOWN,
THAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY!
OKAY, OKAY, QUIET DOWN,
PLEASE, CLASS?
OKAY, OKAY, QUIET DOWN,
PLEASE, CLASS?
QUIET DOWN.
PLEASE, CLASS?
QUIET DOWN.
NOW, FOR HOMEROOM, WE HAVE A
QUIET DOWN.
NOW, FOR HOMEROOM, WE HAVE A
GUEST... MR. JOSH RAMSEY, WHO
NOW, FOR HOMEROOM, WE HAVE A
GUEST... MR. JOSH RAMSEY, WHO
WAS NICE ENOUGH TO COME OVER
GUEST... MR. JOSH RAMSEY, WHO
WAS NICE ENOUGH TO COME OVER
FROM THE COUNTY HEALTH CLINIC TO
WAS NICE ENOUGH TO COME OVER
FROM THE COUNTY HEALTH CLINIC TO
TALK TO US.
FROM THE COUNTY HEALTH CLINIC TO
TALK TO US.
MR. RAMSEY?
TALK TO US.
MR. RAMSEY?
THANK YOU, MISS ANDERSON.
MR. RAMSEY?
THANK YOU, MISS ANDERSON.
I'VE COME TO TALK TO YOU ALL ON
THANK YOU, MISS ANDERSON.
I'VE COME TO TALK TO YOU ALL ON
A PROBLEM THAT HAS REACHED
I'VE COME TO TALK TO YOU ALL ON
A PROBLEM THAT HAS REACHED
NEAR-EPIDEMIC PROPORTIONS HERE
A PROBLEM THAT HAS REACHED
NEAR-EPIDEMIC PROPORTIONS HERE
AT LINCOLN HIGH.
NEAR-EPIDEMIC PROPORTIONS HERE
AT LINCOLN HIGH.
I'M TALKING, OF COURSE, ABOUT
AT LINCOLN HIGH.
I'M TALKING, OF COURSE, ABOUT
VENEREAL DISEASE.
Announcer: STARRING
PETER FONDA...
NOW, I HEARD SOME OF YOU GIGGLE
WHEN I SAID "V.D.," AND,
ACTUALLY, THAT'S QUITE NATURAL.
PEOPLE GIGGLE AT THINGS THEY
DON'T UNDERSTAND, ESPECIALLY
SEX.
DON'T UNDERSTAND, ESPECIALLY
SEX.
THAT'S RIGHT... SEX, AND IT'S
SEX.
THAT'S RIGHT... SEX, AND IT'S
VIRTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO GET V.D.
THAT'S RIGHT... SEX, AND IT'S
VIRTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO GET V.D.
EXCEPT THROUGH SEXUAL CONTACT.
VIRTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO GET V.D.
EXCEPT THROUGH SEXUAL CONTACT.
ANYONE WHO TELLS YOU YOU CAN GET
EXCEPT THROUGH SEXUAL CONTACT.
ANYONE WHO TELLS YOU YOU CAN GET
V.D. FROM A DOORKNOB OR A TOILET
ANYONE WHO TELLS YOU YOU CAN GET
V.D. FROM A DOORKNOB OR A TOILET
SEAT IS JUST FULL OF PRUNES.
V.D. FROM A DOORKNOB OR A TOILET
SEAT IS JUST FULL OF PRUNES.
V.D. CAN CAUSE BLINDNESS,
SEAT IS JUST FULL OF PRUNES.
V.D. CAN CAUSE BLINDNESS,
INSANITY... EVEN DEATH.
V.D. CAN CAUSE BLINDNESS,
INSANITY... EVEN DEATH.
LET ME SHOW YOU SOMETHING HERE.
INSANITY... EVEN DEATH.
LET ME SHOW YOU SOMETHING HERE.
[GASPS]
LET ME SHOW YOU SOMETHING HERE.
[GASPS]
YES.
[GASPS]
YES.
THIS IS A PICTURE OF A MAN IN
YES.
THIS IS A PICTURE OF A MAN IN
THE THIRD STAGE OF SYPHILIS.
THIS IS A PICTURE OF A MAN IN
THE THIRD STAGE OF SYPHILIS.
IF YOU HAVE A GENITAL SORE, A
THE THIRD STAGE OF SYPHILIS.
IF YOU HAVE A GENITAL SORE, A
BODY RASH, A BURNING SENSATION
IF YOU HAVE A GENITAL SORE, A
BODY RASH, A BURNING SENSATION
WHEN URINATING, OR A MILKY
BODY RASH, A BURNING SENSATION
WHEN URINATING, OR A MILKY
EMISSION, YOU MAY HAVE VENEREAL
WHEN URINATING, OR A MILKY
EMISSION, YOU MAY HAVE VENEREAL
DISEASE.
EMISSION, YOU MAY HAVE VENEREAL
DISEASE.
NOW, WE AT THE COUNTY HEALTH
DISEASE.
NOW, WE AT THE COUNTY HEALTH
CLINIC WANT YOU TO COME IN AND
NOW, WE AT THE COUNTY HEALTH
CLINIC WANT YOU TO COME IN AND
SEE US IF YOU THINK YOU MIGHT
CLINIC WANT YOU TO COME IN AND
SEE US IF YOU THINK YOU MIGHT
HAVE V.D., AND THERE'S NOTHING
SEE US IF YOU THINK YOU MIGHT
HAVE V.D., AND THERE'S NOTHING
TO BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT.
HAVE V.D., AND THERE'S NOTHING
TO BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT.
ANYBODY CAN GET V.D...
TO BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT.
ANYBODY CAN GET V.D...
MIDDLE-CLASS, INTELLIGENT, NICE
ANYBODY CAN GET V.D...
MIDDLE-CLASS, INTELLIGENT, NICE
PEOPLE.
MIDDLE-CLASS, INTELLIGENT, NICE
PEOPLE.
NOW, ARE THERE ANY QUESTIONS?
PEOPLE.
NOW, ARE THERE ANY QUESTIONS?
UH, YEAH.
NOW, ARE THERE ANY QUESTIONS?
UH, YEAH.
UH, DID YOU EVER HAVE V.D.?
UH, YEAH.
UH, DID YOU EVER HAVE V.D.?
NO!
UH, DID YOU EVER HAVE V.D.?
NO!
[BELL RINGS]
NO!
[BELL RINGS]
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
[BELL RINGS]
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
NOW, WAIT JUST A SECOND.
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
NOW, WAIT JUST A SECOND.
WAIT JUST A SECOND, EVERYBODY.
NOW, WAIT JUST A SECOND.
WAIT JUST A SECOND, EVERYBODY.
NOW, I THINK WHAT MR. RAMSEY
WAIT JUST A SECOND, EVERYBODY.
NOW, I THINK WHAT MR. RAMSEY
SAID IS VERY IMPORTANT, AND I
NOW, I THINK WHAT MR. RAMSEY
SAID IS VERY IMPORTANT, AND I
WANT YOU ALL TO THINK ABOUT IT.
SAID IS VERY IMPORTANT, AND I
WANT YOU ALL TO THINK ABOUT IT.
OKAY, YOU CAN GO.
WANT YOU ALL TO THINK ABOUT IT.
OKAY, YOU CAN GO.
HEY, UH, SEE YOU AFTER THE
OKAY, YOU CAN GO.
HEY, UH, SEE YOU AFTER THE
BIG GAME TONIGHT.
HEY, UH, SEE YOU AFTER THE
BIG GAME TONIGHT.
OKAY, JOHNNY.
BIG GAME TONIGHT.
OKAY, JOHNNY.
UH, MR. RAMSEY, I WONDER IF I
OKAY, JOHNNY.
UH, MR. RAMSEY, I WONDER IF I
COULD COME VISIT YOU AT THE
UH, MR. RAMSEY, I WONDER IF I
COULD COME VISIT YOU AT THE
CLINIC.
COULD COME VISIT YOU AT THE
CLINIC.
SURE.
CLINIC.
SURE.
WHY NOT AFTER SCHOOL?
SURE.
WHY NOT AFTER SCHOOL?
WELL, I'D HAVE TO SKIP
WHY NOT AFTER SCHOOL?
WELL, I'D HAVE TO SKIP
CHEERLEADER PRACTICE, BUT...I
WELL, I'D HAVE TO SKIP
CHEERLEADER PRACTICE, BUT... I
GUESS IT'S KIND OF IMPORTANT.
IT ISN'T LIKE SUSIE TO MISS
PRACTICE.
I HOPE THERE ISN'T ANYTHING
PRACTICE.
I HOPE THERE ISN'T ANYTHING
WRONG.
I HOPE THERE ISN'T ANYTHING
WRONG.
OH, GOD, I HOPE NOT.
SO I DECIDED TO COME SEE YOU.
I'M GLAD YOU DID, SUSIE.
IT CERTAINLY SOUNDS LIKE V.D. TO
I'M GLAD YOU DID, SUSIE.
IT CERTAINLY SOUNDS LIKE V.D. TO
ME.
IT CERTAINLY SOUNDS LIKE V.D. TO
ME.
DO I GET MY PENICILLIN SHOT
ME.
DO I GET MY PENICILLIN SHOT
NOW?
DO I GET MY PENICILLIN SHOT
NOW?
WELL, LET'S WAIT TILL THE
NOW?
WELL, LET'S WAIT TILL THE
TESTS COME BACK, BUT NO SEX,
WELL, LET'S WAIT TILL THE
TESTS COME BACK, BUT NO SEX,
SUSIE.
TESTS COME BACK, BUT NO SEX,
SUSIE.
OH, I KNOW.
SUSIE.
OH, I KNOW.
WELL, THANKS.
OH, I KNOW.
WELL, THANKS.
I GUESS I'LL GO NOW.
WELL, THANKS.
I GUESS I'LL GO NOW.
FINE... AS SOON AS YOU GIVE
I GUESS I'LL GO NOW.
FINE... AS SOON AS YOU GIVE
ME THE LIST OF YOUR SEXUAL
FINE... AS SOON AS YOU GIVE
ME THE LIST OF YOUR SEXUAL
CONTACTS.
ME THE LIST OF YOUR SEXUAL
CONTACTS.
SEXUAL CONTACTS?
CONTACTS.
SEXUAL CONTACTS?
YES.
SEXUAL CONTACTS?
YES.
YOU KNOW... ANY BOYS YOU'VE HAD
YES.
YOU KNOW... ANY BOYS YOU'VE HAD
SEX WITH.
YOU KNOW... ANY BOYS YOU'VE HAD
SEX WITH.
OR GIRLS.
SEX WITH.
OR GIRLS.
NO, THERE'S NOTHING TO BE
OR GIRLS.
NO, THERE'S NOTHING TO BE
EMBARRASSED ABOUT.
NO, THERE'S NOTHING TO BE
EMBARRASSED ABOUT.
BUT I CAN'T!
EMBARRASSED ABOUT.
BUT I CAN'T!
SUSIE, FRIENDS WHOM YOU'VE
BUT I CAN'T!
SUSIE, FRIENDS WHOM YOU'VE
HAD SEX WITH COULD SUFFER
SUSIE, FRIENDS WHOM YOU'VE
HAD SEX WITH COULD SUFFER
IRREVERSIBLE PHYSICAL AND MENTAL
HAD SEX WITH COULD SUFFER
IRREVERSIBLE PHYSICAL AND MENTAL
DAMAGE IF YOU DON'T TELL ME WHO
IRREVERSIBLE PHYSICAL AND MENTAL
DAMAGE IF YOU DON'T TELL ME WHO
THEY ARE.
DAMAGE IF YOU DON'T TELL ME WHO
THEY ARE.
BUT... BUT JOHNNY...
THEY ARE.
BUT... BUT JOHNNY...
JOHNNY?
BUT... BUT JOHNNY...
JOHNNY?
JOHNNY WHO?
JOHNNY?
JOHNNY WHO?
WE WERE GONNA GET MARRIED.
JOHNNY WHO?
WE WERE GONNA GET MARRIED.
IF HE FINDS OUT I HAVE V.D.,
WE WERE GONNA GET MARRIED.
IF HE FINDS OUT I HAVE V.D.,
HE'LL KNOW I'VE HAD SEX WITH
IF HE FINDS OUT I HAVE V.D.,
HE'LL KNOW I'VE HAD SEX WITH
SOMEONE ELSE.
HE'LL KNOW I'VE HAD SEX WITH
SOMEONE ELSE.
MAYBE HE GAVE IT TO YOU.
SOMEONE ELSE.
MAYBE HE GAVE IT TO YOU.
NO.
MAYBE HE GAVE IT TO YOU.
NO.
JOHNNY'S SUPER STRAIGHT.
NO.
JOHNNY'S SUPER STRAIGHT.
I MUST HAVE GOTTEN IT THAT ONE
JOHNNY'S SUPER STRAIGHT.
I MUST HAVE GOTTEN IT THAT ONE
TIME... THAT ONE STUPID TIME...
I MUST HAVE GOTTEN IT THAT ONE
TIME... THAT ONE STUPID TIME...
SUSIE, YOU OWE IT TO THE
TIME... THAT ONE STUPID TIME...
SUSIE, YOU OWE IT TO THE
OTHER BOY, AND MOST OF ALL, YOU
SUSIE, YOU OWE IT TO THE
OTHER BOY, AND MOST OF ALL, YOU
OWE IT TO JOHNNY.
OTHER BOY, AND MOST OF ALL, YOU
OWE IT TO JOHNNY.
NOW TELL ME JOHNNY'S LAST NAME?
OWE IT TO JOHNNY.
NOW TELL ME JOHNNY'S LAST NAME?
I CAN'T.
NOW TELL ME JOHNNY'S LAST NAME?
I CAN'T.
I LOVE HIM.
I CAN'T.
I LOVE HIM.
DON'T YOU REALIZE?
I LOVE HIM.
DON'T YOU REALIZE?
HE'LL FIND OUT SOONER OR LATER!
DON'T YOU REALIZE?
HE'LL FIND OUT SOONER OR LATER!
NO...
HE'LL FIND OUT SOONER OR LATER!
NO...
MAYBE HE DOESN'T HAVE TO.
NO...
MAYBE HE DOESN'T HAVE TO.
MAYBE I COULD GET ONE OF MY
MAYBE HE DOESN'T HAVE TO.
MAYBE I COULD GET ONE OF MY
GIRLFRIENDS TO SEDUCE HIM, AND
MAYBE I COULD GET ONE OF MY
GIRLFRIENDS TO SEDUCE HIM, AND
THEN HE'LL THINK SHE GAVE IT TO
GIRLFRIENDS TO SEDUCE HIM, AND
THEN HE'LL THINK SHE GAVE IT TO
HIM.
THEN HE'LL THINK SHE GAVE IT TO
HIM.
IT'S A WEIRD IDEA, BUT A
HIM.
IT'S A WEIRD IDEA, BUT A
POSSIBILITY.
IT'S A WEIRD IDEA, BUT A
POSSIBILITY.
SUSIE, YOU CAN'T PLAY GAMES
POSSIBILITY.
SUSIE, YOU CAN'T PLAY GAMES
WITH VENEREAL DISEASE.
SUSIE, YOU CAN'T PLAY GAMES
WITH VENEREAL DISEASE.
IT'S A LOADED PISTOL POINTED
WITH VENEREAL DISEASE.
IT'S A LOADED PISTOL POINTED
RIGHT AT YOUR CROTCH!
IT'S A LOADED PISTOL POINTED
RIGHT AT YOUR CROTCH!
WHOO!
RIGHT AT YOUR CROTCH!
WHOO!
BOY.
WHOO!
BOY.
I FEEL GREAT.
BOY.
I FEEL GREAT.
YEAH, ME, TOO, MAN.
I FEEL GREAT.
YEAH, ME, TOO, MAN.
WE'RE GONNA STOP WASHINGTON
YEAH, ME, TOO, MAN.
WE'RE GONNA STOP WASHINGTON
TONIGHT FOR SURE.
WE'RE GONNA STOP WASHINGTON
TONIGHT FOR SURE.
YEAH.
TONIGHT FOR SURE.
YEAH.
I GOT TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.
YEAH.
I GOT TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.
OKAY.
I GOT TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.
OKAY.
[SCREAMS]
OKAY.
[SCREAMS]
OW!
BOY, MY PENIS SURE HURTS WHEN I
URINATE.
HEY, REMEMBER WHAT THAT GUY
URINATE.
HEY, REMEMBER WHAT THAT GUY
FROM THE HEALTH CLINIC SAID?
HEY, REMEMBER WHAT THAT GUY
FROM THE HEALTH CLINIC SAID?
MAYBE YOU GOT V.D.
FROM THE HEALTH CLINIC SAID?
MAYBE YOU GOT V.D.
I GAVE THAT A THOUGHT, BUT
MAYBE YOU GOT V.D.
I GAVE THAT A THOUGHT, BUT
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
I GAVE THAT A THOUGHT, BUT
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
HE SAID THAT THE ONLY WAY YOU
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
HE SAID THAT THE ONLY WAY YOU
CAN GET V.D. IS FROM SEX.
HE SAID THAT THE ONLY WAY YOU
CAN GET V.D. IS FROM SEX.
THE ONLY GIRL I'VE HAD SEX
CAN GET V.D. IS FROM SEX.
THE ONLY GIRL I'VE HAD SEX
WITH IS SUSIE.
THE ONLY GIRL I'VE HAD SEX
WITH IS SUSIE.
MAYBE SHE GAVE IT TO YOU.
WITH IS SUSIE.
MAYBE SHE GAVE IT TO YOU.
IF YOU EVER SAY THAT ABOUT
MAYBE SHE GAVE IT TO YOU.
IF YOU EVER SAY THAT ABOUT
SUSIE AGAIN, I'LL KILL YOU.
IF YOU EVER SAY THAT ABOUT
SUSIE AGAIN, I'LL KILL YOU.
OKAY.
SUSIE AGAIN, I'LL KILL YOU.
OKAY.
[MARCHING BAND PLAYS]
YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE.
YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE.
ANYONE WHO HAS HAD SEX WITH
YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE.
ANYONE WHO HAS HAD SEX WITH
SUSIE EDWARDS PLEASE REPORT TO
ANYONE WHO HAS HAD SEX WITH
SUSIE EDWARDS PLEASE REPORT TO
THE FIRST-AID STATION.
SUSIE EDWARDS PLEASE REPORT TO
THE FIRST-AID STATION.
SHE HAS VENEREAL DISEASE.
THE FIRST-AID STATION.
SHE HAS VENEREAL DISEASE.
REPEAT... ANYONE WHO HAS HAD SEX
SHE HAS VENEREAL DISEASE.
REPEAT... ANYONE WHO HAS HAD SEX
WITH SUSIE EDWARDS PLEASE REPORT
REPEAT... ANYONE WHO HAS HAD SEX
WITH SUSIE EDWARDS PLEASE REPORT
TO THE FIRST-AID STATION
WITH SUSIE EDWARDS PLEASE REPORT
TO THE FIRST-AID STATION
IMMEDIATELY.
TO THE FIRST-AID STATION
IMMEDIATELY.
SHE HAS VENEREAL DISEASE.
OH, SON, I HEARD YOU WON THE
GAME.
YEAH.
GAME.
YEAH.
IT MUST FEEL GREAT.
YEAH.
IT MUST FEEL GREAT.
YEAH.
IT MUST FEEL GREAT.
YEAH.
NO, SOMETHING'S WRONG.
YEAH.
NO, SOMETHING'S WRONG.
A MOTHER CAN ALWAYS TELL.
NO, SOMETHING'S WRONG.
A MOTHER CAN ALWAYS TELL.
THERE'S A PICTURE HERE IN THE
A MOTHER CAN ALWAYS TELL.
THERE'S A PICTURE HERE IN THE
PAPER OF SUSIE EDWARDS.
THERE'S A PICTURE HERE IN THE
PAPER OF SUSIE EDWARDS.
SHE'S A FRIEND OF YOURS, ISN'T
PAPER OF SUSIE EDWARDS.
SHE'S A FRIEND OF YOURS, ISN'T
SHE, JOHNNY?
SHE'S A FRIEND OF YOURS, ISN'T
SHE, JOHNNY?
SAYS HERE, UH, SHE HAS VENEREAL
SHE, JOHNNY?
SAYS HERE, UH, SHE HAS VENEREAL
DISEASE.
SAYS HERE, UH, SHE HAS VENEREAL
DISEASE.
MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T BE SEEING
DISEASE.
MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T BE SEEING
THAT KIND OF GIRL, JOHNNY.
MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T BE SEEING
THAT KIND OF GIRL, JOHNNY.
IT SAYS HERE THAT HEALTH
THAT KIND OF GIRL, JOHNNY.
IT SAYS HERE THAT HEALTH
AUTHORITIES ARE LOOKING FOR TWO
IT SAYS HERE THAT HEALTH
AUTHORITIES ARE LOOKING FOR TWO
BOYS WHO HAVE HAD SEX WITH HER,
AUTHORITIES ARE LOOKING FOR TWO
BOYS WHO HAVE HAD SEX WITH HER,
ONE NAMED JOHNNY.
BOYS WHO HAVE HAD SEX WITH HER,
ONE NAMED JOHNNY.
JOHNNY?
ONE NAMED JOHNNY.
JOHNNY?
JOHNNY, HAVE YOU BEEN... BEEN
JOHNNY?
JOHNNY, HAVE YOU BEEN... BEEN
WITH SUSIE EDWARDS?
JOHNNY, HAVE YOU BEEN... BEEN
WITH SUSIE EDWARDS?
YES.
WITH SUSIE EDWARDS?
YES.
I'VE HAD SEX WITH HER, IF THAT'S
YES.
I'VE HAD SEX WITH HER, IF THAT'S
WHAT YOU MEAN.
I'VE HAD SEX WITH HER, IF THAT'S
WHAT YOU MEAN.
OH, MY GOD!
HOW DARE YOU HAVE SEX?!
DID YOU DO IT WITH ANY OTHER
LITTLE SLUTS?
DID YOU DO IT WITH ANY OTHER
LITTLE SLUTS?
NO!
LITTLE SLUTS?
NO!
I LOVED SUSIE!
NO!
I LOVED SUSIE!
I WANTED TO MARRY HER.
I LOVED SUSIE!
I WANTED TO MARRY HER.
MARRY HER?
I WANTED TO MARRY HER.
MARRY HER?
HOW COULD YOU WANT TO MARRY A
MARRY HER?
HOW COULD YOU WANT TO MARRY A
GIRL YOU'VE HAD SEX WITH?
HOW COULD YOU WANT TO MARRY A
GIRL YOU'VE HAD SEX WITH?
MY MOTHER ONCE TOLD ME WHY EAT
GIRL YOU'VE HAD SEX WITH?
MY MOTHER ONCE TOLD ME WHY EAT
GARBAGE ON YOUR WEDDING NIGHT
MY MOTHER ONCE TOLD ME WHY EAT
GARBAGE ON YOUR WEDDING NIGHT
WHEN YOU CAN EAT STEAK?!
GARBAGE ON YOUR WEDDING NIGHT
WHEN YOU CAN EAT STEAK?!
I'M SO CONFUSED!
WHEN YOU CAN EAT STEAK?!
I'M SO CONFUSED!
[DOORBELL RINGS]
I'M SO CONFUSED!
[DOORBELL RINGS]
A DOORBELL!
[DOORBELL RINGS]
A DOORBELL!
WHO COULD THIS BE AT THIS TIME
A DOORBELL!
WHO COULD THIS BE AT THIS TIME
OF NIGHT?
WHO COULD THIS BE AT THIS TIME
OF NIGHT?
HI, I'M JOSH RAMSEY, V.D.
OF NIGHT?
HI, I'M JOSH RAMSEY, V.D.
CASEWORKER.
HI, I'M JOSH RAMSEY, V.D.
CASEWORKER.
YOU MUST BE JOHNNY'S FATHER.
CASEWORKER.
YOU MUST BE JOHNNY'S FATHER.
YES, I AM.
YOU MUST BE JOHNNY'S FATHER.
YES, I AM.
IF IT'S OKAY, WE'D LIKE TO
YES, I AM.
IF IT'S OKAY, WE'D LIKE TO
HAVE A FEW WORDS WITH YOU.
IF IT'S OKAY, WE'D LIKE TO
HAVE A FEW WORDS WITH YOU.
DOES SHE HAVE TO COME IN?
HAVE A FEW WORDS WITH YOU.
DOES SHE HAVE TO COME IN?
I THINK IT'S THE RIGHT THING
DOES SHE HAVE TO COME IN?
I THINK IT'S THE RIGHT THING
TO DO, MR. LUDLOW.
I THINK IT'S THE RIGHT THING
TO DO, MR. LUDLOW.
ALL RIGHT.
TO DO, MR. LUDLOW.
ALL RIGHT.
SHE CAN COME IN, BUT SHE CAN'T
ALL RIGHT.
SHE CAN COME IN, BUT SHE CAN'T
USE THE BATHROOM!
SHE CAN COME IN, BUT SHE CAN'T
USE THE BATHROOM!
THANK YOU, MRS. LUDLOW.
USE THE BATHROOM!
THANK YOU, MRS. LUDLOW.
WELL, IF SHE'S COMING IN, I'M
THANK YOU, MRS. LUDLOW.
WELL, IF SHE'S COMING IN, I'M
LEAVING.
WELL, IF SHE'S COMING IN, I'M
LEAVING.
WELL, WAIT A MINUTE, JOHNNY.
LEAVING.
WELL, WAIT A MINUTE, JOHNNY.
SUSIE CAME HERE AT MY
WELL, WAIT A MINUTE, JOHNNY.
SUSIE CAME HERE AT MY
INSISTENCE.
SUSIE CAME HERE AT MY
INSISTENCE.
I'M SORRY I HURT YOU, JOHNNY.
INSISTENCE.
I'M SORRY I HURT YOU, JOHNNY.
I HOPE YOU DON'T HATE ME.
I'M SORRY I HURT YOU, JOHNNY.
I HOPE YOU DON'T HATE ME.
I'M SORRY, BUT I DO.
I HOPE YOU DON'T HATE ME.
I'M SORRY, BUT I DO.
IT'S OKAY TO HATE HER,
I'M SORRY, BUT I DO.
IT'S OKAY TO HATE HER,
JOHNNY.
IT'S OKAY TO HATE HER,
JOHNNY.
SHE KNEW THE RISKS SHE WAS
JOHNNY.
SHE KNEW THE RISKS SHE WAS
TAKING WHEN SHE HAD SEX WITH
SHE KNEW THE RISKS SHE WAS
TAKING WHEN SHE HAD SEX WITH
ANOTHER BOY.
TAKING WHEN SHE HAD SEX WITH
ANOTHER BOY.
IT WAS JUST ONCE, I SWEAR IT.
ANOTHER BOY.
IT WAS JUST ONCE, I SWEAR IT.
I'M SORRY, BUT I CAN'T
IT WAS JUST ONCE, I SWEAR IT.
I'M SORRY, BUT I CAN'T
BELIEVE YOU ANYMORE, SUSIE.
I'M SORRY, BUT I CAN'T
BELIEVE YOU ANYMORE, SUSIE.
I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
BELIEVE YOU ANYMORE, SUSIE.
I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
I'LL GET IT.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
I'LL GET IT.
HELLO?
I'LL GET IT.
HELLO?
Hello, this is the county
HELLO?
Hello, this is the county
health clinic.
Hello, this is the county
health clinic.
Is V.D. caseworker Josh Ramsey
health clinic.
Is V.D. caseworker Josh Ramsey
there?
Is V.D. caseworker Josh Ramsey
there?
YES, HE IS.
There?
YES, HE IS.
MR. RAMSEY, IT'S FOR YOU.
YES, HE IS.
MR. RAMSEY, IT'S FOR YOU.
OH, THANK YOU, MRS. LUDLOW.
MR. RAMSEY, IT'S FOR YOU.
OH, THANK YOU, MRS. LUDLOW.
JOSH RAMSEY.
OH, THANK YOU, MRS. LUDLOW.
JOSH RAMSEY.
Josh, those test results are
JOSH RAMSEY.
Josh, those test results are
in on the Edwards girl.
Josh, those test results are
in on the Edwards girl.
It's not gonorrhea.
In on the Edwards girl.
It's not gonorrhea.
She's got a simple yeast
It's not gonorrhea.
She's got a simple yeast
infection.
She's got a simple yeast
infection.
AH, THANK YOU, SETH.
Infection.
AH, THANK YOU, SETH.
Check that.
AH, THANK YOU, SETH.
Check that.
WELL, SAY, EVERYBODY, I HAVE
Check that.
WELL, SAY, EVERYBODY, I HAVE
SOME INTERESTING NEWS.
WELL, SAY, EVERYBODY, I HAVE
SOME INTERESTING NEWS.
IT SEEMS THAT SUSIE DOESN'T HAVE
SOME INTERESTING NEWS.
IT SEEMS THAT SUSIE DOESN'T HAVE
VENEREAL DISEASE AFTER ALL.
IT SEEMS THAT SUSIE DOESN'T HAVE
VENEREAL DISEASE AFTER ALL.
IT'S JUST A SIMPLE YEAST
VENEREAL DISEASE AFTER ALL.
IT'S JUST A SIMPLE YEAST
INFECTION.
IT'S JUST A SIMPLE YEAST
INFECTION.
YEAST INFECTION?
INFECTION.
YEAST INFECTION?
YES, AN UNPLEASANT INFECTION
YEAST INFECTION?
YES, AN UNPLEASANT INFECTION
CAUSED BY ANY NUMBER OF THINGS,
YES, AN UNPLEASANT INFECTION
CAUSED BY ANY NUMBER OF THINGS,
BUT NOT V.D.
CAUSED BY ANY NUMBER OF THINGS,
BUT NOT V.D.
WELL, I GUESS YOU WON'T BE
BUT NOT V.D.
WELL, I GUESS YOU WON'T BE
NEEDING THAT PENICILLIN SHOT
WELL, I GUESS YOU WON'T BE
NEEDING THAT PENICILLIN SHOT
AFTER ALL, SUSIE.
NEEDING THAT PENICILLIN SHOT
AFTER ALL, SUSIE.
BUT HOW COME MY PENIS HURTS
AFTER ALL, SUSIE.
BUT HOW COME MY PENIS HURTS
SO MUCH WHEN I URINATE?
BUT HOW COME MY PENIS HURTS
SO MUCH WHEN I URINATE?
WELL, IT'S PROBABLY
SO MUCH WHEN I URINATE?
WELL, IT'S PROBABLY
NONSPECIFIC URETHRITIS
WELL, IT'S PROBABLY
NONSPECIFIC URETHRITIS
AGGRAVATED BY SUSIE'S YEAST
NONSPECIFIC URETHRITIS
AGGRAVATED BY SUSIE'S YEAST
INFECTION.
AGGRAVATED BY SUSIE'S YEAST
INFECTION.
NOTHING SERIOUS, JOHNNY... JUST
INFECTION.
NOTHING SERIOUS, JOHNNY... JUST
EASE OFF SEX FOR A WHILE, STAY
NOTHING SERIOUS, JOHNNY... JUST
EASE OFF SEX FOR A WHILE, STAY
AWAY FROM ALCOHOL, DRINK A LOT
EASE OFF SEX FOR A WHILE, STAY
AWAY FROM ALCOHOL, DRINK A LOT
OF CRANBERRY JUICE... YOU'LL BE
AWAY FROM ALCOHOL, DRINK A LOT
OF CRANBERRY JUICE... YOU'LL BE
FINE.
OF CRANBERRY JUICE... YOU'LL BE
FINE.
JOHNNY, DO YOU STILL HATE ME?
FINE.
JOHNNY, DO YOU STILL HATE ME?
YES, I STILL HATE YOU.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
KEITH JARRETT.
[PIANO PLAYS UP-TEMPO MUSIC]
[APPLAUSE]
♪ HERE I AM ♪
♪ HERE IN MY HOUSE ♪
♪ MAKING A CROWN ♪
♪ HERE IN MY HOUSE ♪
♪ MAKING A CROWN ♪
♪ AND MY SISTER, JENNIFER, HAD
♪ MAKING A CROWN ♪
♪ AND MY SISTER, JENNIFER, HAD
TO GO TO HER ROOM FOR HITTING
♪ AND MY SISTER, JENNIFER, HAD
TO GO TO HER ROOM FOR HITTING
ME ♪
TO GO TO HER ROOM FOR HITTING
ME ♪
♪ AND SHE MAKES ME SICK ♪
ME ♪
♪ AND SHE MAKES ME SICK ♪
♪ OH, YES, SHE DOES ♪
♪ AND SHE MAKES ME SICK ♪
♪ OH, YES, SHE DOES ♪
♪ SHE MAKES ME VERY, VERY, VERY,
♪ OH, YES, SHE DOES ♪
♪ SHE MAKES ME VERY, VERY, VERY,
VERY, VERY, VERY, SICK ♪
♪ SHE MAKES ME VERY, VERY, VERY,
VERY, VERY, VERY, SICK ♪
BUT THAT'S OKAY BECAUSE NOW IT'S
VERY, VERY, VERY, SICK ♪
BUT THAT'S OKAY BECAUSE NOW IT'S
THE "HEY, JENNIFER SHOW"!
BUT THAT'S OKAY BECAUSE NOW IT'S
THE "HEY, JENNIFER SHOW"!
YAY!
THE "HEY, JENNIFER SHOW"!
YAY!
♪ DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA ♪
YAY!
♪ DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA ♪
♪ OH, IT'S THE "HEY, JENNIFER
♪ DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA ♪
♪ OH, IT'S THE "HEY, JENNIFER
SHOW" AND WE HOPE YOU'RE SO, SO,
♪ OH, IT'S THE "HEY, JENNIFER
SHOW" AND WE HOPE YOU'RE SO, SO,
SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO,
SHOW" AND WE HOPE YOU'RE SO, SO,
SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO,
SO, SO, SO, SO ♪
SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO,
SO, SO, SO, SO ♪
♪ YES, SHE IS SO FAT AND
SO, SO, SO, SO ♪
♪ YES, SHE IS SO FAT AND
DISGUSTING ♪
♪ YES, SHE IS SO FAT AND
DISGUSTING ♪
♪ SHE GOES TO THE BATHROOM WITH
DISGUSTING ♪
♪ SHE GOES TO THE BATHROOM WITH
THE DOOR OPEN ♪
♪ SHE GOES TO THE BATHROOM WITH
THE DOOR OPEN ♪
YAY!
THE DOOR OPEN ♪
YAY!
♪ IT'S THE "HEY, JENNIFER
YAY!
♪ IT'S THE "HEY, JENNIFER
SHOW" ♪
♪ IT'S THE "HEY, JENNIFER
SHOW" ♪
GO!
SHOW" ♪
GO!
AND NOW, HERE IS THE BIG SONG
GO!
AND NOW, HERE IS THE BIG SONG
ON THE "HEY, JENNIFER SHOW"
AND NOW, HERE IS THE BIG SONG
ON THE "HEY, JENNIFER SHOW"
BECAUSE SHE IS A PERSON WHO
ON THE "HEY, JENNIFER SHOW"
BECAUSE SHE IS A PERSON WHO
LOOKS AT YOU ALL THE TIME WITH
BECAUSE SHE IS A PERSON WHO
LOOKS AT YOU ALL THE TIME WITH
THESE BIG BOOGERS YOU CAN SEE.
LOOKS AT YOU ALL THE TIME WITH
THESE BIG BOOGERS YOU CAN SEE.
♪ BOOGERS ALL THE TIME ♪
THESE BIG BOOGERS YOU CAN SEE.
♪ BOOGERS ALL THE TIME ♪
♪ BOOGERS ALL THE TIME ♪
♪ BOOGERS ALL THE TIME ♪
♪ BOOGERS ALL THE TIME ♪
♪ IT'S YOUR RED-HEAD BOOGERS,
♪ BOOGERS ALL THE TIME ♪
♪ IT'S YOUR RED-HEAD BOOGERS,
AND IT'S BOOGERS ALL THE TIME ♪
♪ IT'S YOUR RED-HEAD BOOGERS,
AND IT'S BOOGERS ALL THE TIME ♪
YAY, YAY, YAY! YAY!
AND IT'S BOOGERS ALL THE TIME ♪
YAY, YAY, YAY! YAY!
WELL, AS YOU CAN SEE, I HATE
YAY, YAY, YAY! YAY!
WELL, AS YOU CAN SEE, I HATE
JENNIFER VERY MUCH, AND SO THAT
WELL, AS YOU CAN SEE, I HATE
JENNIFER VERY MUCH, AND SO THAT
IS WHY I'M SO GLAD THAT THEY
JENNIFER VERY MUCH, AND SO THAT
IS WHY I'M SO GLAD THAT THEY
INVENTED THE BRAND-NEW, TERRIFIC
IS WHY I'M SO GLAD THAT THEY
INVENTED THE BRAND-NEW, TERRIFIC
PRODUCT CALLED THE WOODS, WHERE
INVENTED THE BRAND-NEW, TERRIFIC
PRODUCT CALLED THE WOODS, WHERE
I CAN GO AND LIVE AND GET AWAY
PRODUCT CALLED THE WOODS, WHERE
I CAN GO AND LIVE AND GET AWAY
FROM JENNIFER FOR THE REST OF MY
I CAN GO AND LIVE AND GET AWAY
FROM JENNIFER FOR THE REST OF MY
LIFE!
FROM JENNIFER FOR THE REST OF MY
LIFE!
[Mockingly] BUT, JUDY,
LIFE!
[Mockingly] BUT, JUDY,
CAN'T I COME, TOO?
[Mockingly] BUT, JUDY,
CAN'T I COME, TOO?
[Normal voice] WELL, ALL
CAN'T I COME, TOO?
[Normal voice] WELL, ALL
RIGHT, JENNIFER.
[Normal voice] WELL, ALL
RIGHT, JENNIFER.
EVEN THOUGH YOU MIGHT GET EATEN
RIGHT, JENNIFER.
EVEN THOUGH YOU MIGHT GET EATEN
BY THE MONSTER?
EVEN THOUGH YOU MIGHT GET EATEN
BY THE MONSTER?
[Mockingly] I DON'T CARE.
BY THE MONSTER?
[Mockingly] I DON'T CARE.
[Normal voice] BUT IT WAS A
[Mockingly] I DON'T CARE.
[Normal voice] BUT IT WAS A
LONG, FAR, FAR AWAY WAY TO THE
[Normal voice] BUT IT WAS A
LONG, FAR, FAR AWAY WAY TO THE
WOODS OF LONDON, ENGLAND, SO
LONG, FAR, FAR AWAY WAY TO THE
WOODS OF LONDON, ENGLAND, SO
HERE WE GO!
WOODS OF LONDON, ENGLAND, SO
HERE WE GO!
AND YOU HAVE TO TRAVEL MANY
HERE WE GO!
AND YOU HAVE TO TRAVEL MANY
MILES, OVER LAND AND SEA, AND
AND YOU HAVE TO TRAVEL MANY
MILES, OVER LAND AND SEA, AND
MANY PLACES NO ONE EVEN KNOWS!
MILES, OVER LAND AND SEA, AND
MANY PLACES NO ONE EVEN KNOWS!
HURRY, JENNIFER, FOR THIS IS SO
MANY PLACES NO ONE EVEN KNOWS!
HURRY, JENNIFER, FOR THIS IS SO
EASY AND FUN!
HURRY, JENNIFER, FOR THIS IS SO
EASY AND FUN!
[Mockingly] OH, JUDY, I CAN'T!
EASY AND FUN!
[Mockingly] OH, JUDY, I CAN'T!
I CAN'T HURRY.
[Mockingly] OH, JUDY, I CAN'T!
I CAN'T HURRY.
I'M SO AFRAID I'M GONNA GET
I CAN'T HURRY.
I'M SO AFRAID I'M GONNA GET
EATEN BY THE SHARKS!
I'M SO AFRAID I'M GONNA GET
EATEN BY THE SHARKS!
HELP ME, HELP ME!
EATEN BY THE SHARKS!
HELP ME, HELP ME!
I'M EATEN BY THE SHARKS!
HELP ME, HELP ME!
I'M EATEN BY THE SHARKS!
HELP ME!
I'M EATEN BY THE SHARKS!
HELP ME!
[Normal voice] AND NOW, IT'S
HELP ME!
[Normal voice] AND NOW, IT'S
TIME FOR A COMMERCIAL.
[Normal voice] AND NOW, IT'S
TIME FOR A COMMERCIAL.
♪ OH, EVERYONE SHOULD KILL
TIME FOR A COMMERCIAL.
♪ OH, EVERYONE SHOULD KILL
JENNIFER AS SOON AS THEY CAN ♪
♪ OH, EVERYONE SHOULD KILL
JENNIFER AS SOON AS THEY CAN ♪
HELLO!
JENNIFER AS SOON AS THEY CAN ♪
HELLO!
HERE IS THE GREAT TWO
HELLO!
HERE IS THE GREAT TWO
UNDERSHIRTS THAT EVERYONE WANTS
HERE IS THE GREAT TWO
UNDERSHIRTS THAT EVERYONE WANTS
VERY BAD AND THEY CAN'T BELIEVE
UNDERSHIRTS THAT EVERYONE WANTS
VERY BAD AND THEY CAN'T BELIEVE
THEIR MOTHER BOUGHT THEM JUST
VERY BAD AND THEY CAN'T BELIEVE
THEIR MOTHER BOUGHT THEM JUST
TODAY.
THEIR MOTHER BOUGHT THEM JUST
TODAY.
AND THEY CAN BE USED TO GO ON
TODAY.
AND THEY CAN BE USED TO GO ON
YOUR HEAD AS HAIR...
AND THEY CAN BE USED TO GO ON
YOUR HEAD AS HAIR...
OR AS A BEARD.
YOUR HEAD AS HAIR...
OR AS A BEARD.
HO, HO, HO.
OR AS A BEARD.
HO, HO, HO.
SO CONVENIENT, YOU SHOULD BUY
HO, HO, HO.
SO CONVENIENT, YOU SHOULD BUY
THEM RIGHT AWAY.
SO CONVENIENT, YOU SHOULD BUY
THEM RIGHT AWAY.
AND NOW WE MUST GO BACK TO THE
THEM RIGHT AWAY.
AND NOW WE MUST GO BACK TO THE
WOODS OF LONDON, ENGLAND!
AND NOW WE MUST GO BACK TO THE
WOODS OF LONDON, ENGLAND!
WE JUST HOP AND HOP!
WOODS OF LONDON, ENGLAND!
WE JUST HOP AND HOP!
WE HAVE TO HOP AND HOP AND HOP!
WE JUST HOP AND HOP!
WE HAVE TO HOP AND HOP AND HOP!
[Mockingly] OH, JUDY,
WE HAVE TO HOP AND HOP AND HOP!
[Mockingly] OH, JUDY,
I CAN'T HOP AS FAST AS YOU, BUT
[Mockingly] OH, JUDY,
I CAN'T HOP AS FAST AS YOU, BUT
THE MONSTER'S COMING RIGHT NOW!
I CAN'T HOP AS FAST AS YOU, BUT
THE MONSTER'S COMING RIGHT NOW!
[Deep voice] I'M THE MONSTER,
THE MONSTER'S COMING RIGHT NOW!
[Deep voice] I'M THE MONSTER,
AND I'M GONNA EAT JENNIFER!
[Deep voice] I'M THE MONSTER,
AND I'M GONNA EAT JENNIFER!
OH, WATCH OUT!
AND I'M GONNA EAT JENNIFER!
OH, WATCH OUT!
I'M GONNA GET HER!
OH, WATCH OUT!
I'M GONNA GET HER!
[GROWLING]
I'M GONNA GET HER!
[GROWLING]
OH, NO, HELP!
[GROWLING]
OH, NO, HELP!
[Normal voice] AND SOON, THE
OH, NO, HELP!
[Normal voice] AND SOON, THE
MONSTER GOT KILLED, AND JENNIFER
[Normal voice] AND SOON, THE
MONSTER GOT KILLED, AND JENNIFER
JUMPED OUT OF HIS STOMACH.
MONSTER GOT KILLED, AND JENNIFER
JUMPED OUT OF HIS STOMACH.
AND NOW, ON WITH THE SHOW!
JUMPED OUT OF HIS STOMACH.
AND NOW, ON WITH THE SHOW!
♪ DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA
AND NOW, ON WITH THE SHOW!
♪ DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA
DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA ♪
♪ DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA
DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA ♪
AND NOW, PRESENTING THE FABULOUS
DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA ♪
AND NOW, PRESENTING THE FABULOUS
SINGER THAT EVERYONE KNOWS,
AND NOW, PRESENTING THE FABULOUS
SINGER THAT EVERYONE KNOWS,
MISS CHICA LALITA.
SINGER THAT EVERYONE KNOWS,
MISS CHICA LALITA.
♪ OH ♪
MISS CHICA LALITA.
♪ OH ♪
♪ EVERYONE SHOULD HATE JENNIFER
♪ OH ♪
♪ EVERYONE SHOULD HATE JENNIFER
BECAUSE SHE IS A PERSON WHO GETS
♪ EVERYONE SHOULD HATE JENNIFER
BECAUSE SHE IS A PERSON WHO GETS
CARSICK ON THE WAY TO THE
BECAUSE SHE IS A PERSON WHO GETS
CARSICK ON THE WAY TO THE
STORE ♪
CARSICK ON THE WAY TO THE
STORE ♪
♪ JUST EVEN... ♪
STORE ♪
♪ JUST EVEN... ♪
AND NOW, IN THE ADVENTURES OF
♪ JUST EVEN... ♪
AND NOW, IN THE ADVENTURES OF
JUDY MILLER, HER SISTER,
AND NOW, IN THE ADVENTURES OF
JUDY MILLER, HER SISTER,
JENNIFER, GETS HIT BY A CAR!
JUDY MILLER, HER SISTER,
JENNIFER, GETS HIT BY A CAR!
[IMITATING ENGINE NOISES]
JENNIFER, GETS HIT BY A CAR!
[IMITATING ENGINE NOISES]
WHOA!
[IMITATING ENGINE NOISES]
WHOA!
YAY, SHE'S DEAD!
WHOA!
YAY, SHE'S DEAD!
WE KILLED HER!
YAY, SHE'S DEAD!
WE KILLED HER!
YAY, YAY, SHE'S DEAD, WE KILLED
WE KILLED HER!
YAY, YAY, SHE'S DEAD, WE KILLED
HER!
YAY, YAY, SHE'S DEAD, WE KILLED
HER!
SHE'S DEAD, SHE'S DEAD!
HER!
SHE'S DEAD, SHE'S DEAD!
YAY, SHE'S DEAD, SHE'S DEAD!
SHE'S DEAD, SHE'S DEAD!
YAY, SHE'S DEAD, SHE'S DEAD!
WHOA!
YAY, SHE'S DEAD, SHE'S DEAD!
WHOA!
YAY, SHE'S DEAD!
WHOA!
YAY, SHE'S DEAD!
JUDY!
YAY, SHE'S DEAD!
JUDY!
JUDY?
JUDY!
JUDY?
WHAT?
JUDY?
WHAT?
JENNIFER SAYS SHE SORRY.
WHAT?
JENNIFER SAYS SHE SORRY.
SO?
JENNIFER SAYS SHE SORRY.
SO?
SHE'S COMING OUT OF HER ROOM.
SO?
SHE'S COMING OUT OF HER ROOM.
SO-O-O-O?
SHE'S COMING OUT OF HER ROOM.
SO-O-O-O?
SHE'D LIKE TO COME DOWN AND
SO-O-O-O?
SHE'D LIKE TO COME DOWN AND
PLAY BARBIES WITH YOU.
SHE'D LIKE TO COME DOWN AND
PLAY BARBIES WITH YOU.
PLAY BARBIES?
PLAY BARBIES WITH YOU.
PLAY BARBIES?
UH-HUH.
PLAY BARBIES?
UH-HUH.
WELL, OKAY.
UH-HUH.
WELL, OKAY.
AND NOW... SHE IS ALIVE AGAIN,
WELL, OKAY.
AND NOW... SHE IS ALIVE AGAIN,
FROM MAGIC!
AND NOW... SHE IS ALIVE AGAIN,
FROM MAGIC!
GOOD NIGHT!
THE METS LICK MONTREAL.
THIS AND MORE ON
"WEEKEND UPDATE," COMING UP
THIS AND MORE ON
"WEEKEND UPDATE," COMING UP
NEXT.
"WEEKEND UPDATE," COMING UP
NEXT.
Announcer: AND NOW,
NEXT.
Announcer: AND NOW,
"WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH THE
Announcer: AND NOW,
"WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH THE
"WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM
"WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH THE
"WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM
BROUGHT TO YOU BY PERRIER... THE
"WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM
BROUGHT TO YOU BY PERRIER... THE
MINERAL WATER THAT GOES BACK AND
BROUGHT TO YOU BY PERRIER... THE
MINERAL WATER THAT GOES BACK AND
FORTH TO STATEN ISLAND.
MINERAL WATER THAT GOES BACK AND
FORTH TO STATEN ISLAND.
OUR ANCHORPERSONS... JANE CURTIN
FORTH TO STATEN ISLAND.
OUR ANCHORPERSONS... JANE CURTIN
AND DAN AYKROYD.
OUR ANCHORPERSONS... JANE CURTIN
AND DAN AYKROYD.
GOOD EVENING.
AND DAN AYKROYD.
GOOD EVENING.
I'M DAN AYK... ROID.
GOOD EVENING.
I'M DAN AYK... ROID.
AND I'M JANE CURTIN.
I'M DAN AYK... ROID.
AND I'M JANE CURTIN.
HERE NOW THE NEWS.
AND I'M JANE CURTIN.
HERE NOW THE NEWS.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... AN AIDE
HERE NOW THE NEWS.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... AN AIDE
OF SENATOR EDWARD KENNEDY HAS
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... AN AIDE
OF SENATOR EDWARD KENNEDY HAS
DENIED REPORTS LINKING THE
OF SENATOR EDWARD KENNEDY HAS
DENIED REPORTS LINKING THE
SENATOR ROMANTICALLY WITH FORMER
DENIED REPORTS LINKING THE
SENATOR ROMANTICALLY WITH FORMER
OLYMPIC SKIER SUSIE CHAFFEE, WHO
SENATOR ROMANTICALLY WITH FORMER
OLYMPIC SKIER SUSIE CHAFFEE, WHO
IS NOW BEST KNOWN FOR HER
OLYMPIC SKIER SUSIE CHAFFEE, WHO
IS NOW BEST KNOWN FOR HER
ChapStick COMMERCIALS.
IS NOW BEST KNOWN FOR HER
ChapStick COMMERCIALS.
DESPITE THESE DENIALS, HOWEVER,
ChapStick COMMERCIALS.
DESPITE THESE DENIALS, HOWEVER,
"WEEKEND UPDATE" HAS LEARNED
DESPITE THESE DENIALS, HOWEVER,
"WEEKEND UPDATE" HAS LEARNED
THAT THE SHAPELY BLONDE IS
"WEEKEND UPDATE" HAS LEARNED
THAT THE SHAPELY BLONDE IS
PLANNING TO CHANGE HER NAME TO
THAT THE SHAPELY BLONDE IS
PLANNING TO CHANGE HER NAME TO
SUSIE CHAPPAQUIDDICK.
PLANNING TO CHANGE HER NAME TO
SUSIE CHAPPAQUIDDICK.
MORE ON THIS STORY AS IT
SUSIE CHAPPAQUIDDICK.
MORE ON THIS STORY AS IT
DEVELOPS.
MORE ON THIS STORY AS IT
DEVELOPS.
THIS WEEK, BERT LANCE ATTACKED
DEVELOPS.
THIS WEEK, BERT LANCE ATTACKED
THE PRESS FOR BIASED REPORTING.
THIS WEEK, BERT LANCE ATTACKED
THE PRESS FOR BIASED REPORTING.
THE SLEAZY EX-DIRECTOR OF THE
THE PRESS FOR BIASED REPORTING.
THE SLEAZY EX-DIRECTOR OF THE
OMB CITED, AS AN EXAMPLE, THE
THE SLEAZY EX-DIRECTOR OF THE
OMB CITED, AS AN EXAMPLE, THE
WAY THE PRESS HAD REPORTED HIS
OMB CITED, AS AN EXAMPLE, THE
WAY THE PRESS HAD REPORTED HIS
TURNING IN OF HIS DIPLOMATIC
WAY THE PRESS HAD REPORTED HIS
TURNING IN OF HIS DIPLOMATIC
PASSPORT TWO WEEKS AGO.
TURNING IN OF HIS DIPLOMATIC
PASSPORT TWO WEEKS AGO.
THE PRESS SAID THAT THE CARTER
PASSPORT TWO WEEKS AGO.
THE PRESS SAID THAT THE CARTER
WHITE HOUSE HAD FORCED LANCE TO
THE PRESS SAID THAT THE CARTER
WHITE HOUSE HAD FORCED LANCE TO
GIVE UP HIS SPECIAL PASSPORT
WHITE HOUSE HAD FORCED LANCE TO
GIVE UP HIS SPECIAL PASSPORT
WHICH, AMONG OTHER PRIVILEGES,
GIVE UP HIS SPECIAL PASSPORT
WHICH, AMONG OTHER PRIVILEGES,
ENTITLES ITS HOLDER TO FORGO
WHICH, AMONG OTHER PRIVILEGES,
ENTITLES ITS HOLDER TO FORGO
CUSTOMS INSPECTIONS IN FOREIGN
ENTITLES ITS HOLDER TO FORGO
CUSTOMS INSPECTIONS IN FOREIGN
COUNTRIES.
CUSTOMS INSPECTIONS IN FOREIGN
COUNTRIES.
THE OVERWEIGHT SLOB INSISTS HE
COUNTRIES.
THE OVERWEIGHT SLOB INSISTS HE
GAVE UP THE PASSPORT VOLUNTARILY
THE OVERWEIGHT SLOB INSISTS HE
GAVE UP THE PASSPORT VOLUNTARILY
BECAUSE HE HAD FINALLY SMUGGLED
GAVE UP THE PASSPORT VOLUNTARILY
BECAUSE HE HAD FINALLY SMUGGLED
ENOUGH DRUGS TO PAY OFF HIS
BECAUSE HE HAD FINALLY SMUGGLED
ENOUGH DRUGS TO PAY OFF HIS
$5 MILLION OF DEBTS.
ENOUGH DRUGS TO PAY OFF HIS
$5 MILLION OF DEBTS.
WELL, ANOTHER CLASSIC
$5 MILLION OF DEBTS.
WELL, ANOTHER CLASSIC
AMERICAN INSTITUTION WENT BY THE
WELL, ANOTHER CLASSIC
AMERICAN INSTITUTION WENT BY THE
BOARDS THIS WEEK WHEN A
AMERICAN INSTITUTION WENT BY THE
BOARDS THIS WEEK WHEN A
SAUDI ARABIAN CONGLOMERATE
BOARDS THIS WEEK WHEN A
SAUDI ARABIAN CONGLOMERATE
PURCHASED WALT DISNEY
SAUDI ARABIAN CONGLOMERATE
PURCHASED WALT DISNEY
PRODUCTIONS.
PURCHASED WALT DISNEY
PRODUCTIONS.
NOT SURPRISINGLY, THE STUDIO'S
PRODUCTIONS.
NOT SURPRISINGLY, THE STUDIO'S
FIRST FILM WILL STAR OMAR SHARIF
NOT SURPRISINGLY, THE STUDIO'S
FIRST FILM WILL STAR OMAR SHARIF
AND DEAN JONES AND WILL BE
FIRST FILM WILL STAR OMAR SHARIF
AND DEAN JONES AND WILL BE
RELEASED HERE UNDER THE TITLE
AND DEAN JONES AND WILL BE
RELEASED HERE UNDER THE TITLE
"THAT DARN JEW."
RELEASED HERE UNDER THE TITLE
"THAT DARN JEW."
ACTIVIST/LAWYER WILLIAM KUNSTLER
"THAT DARN JEW."
ACTIVIST/LAWYER WILLIAM KUNSTLER
CLAIMS THAT LAST FALL'S
ACTIVIST/LAWYER WILLIAM KUNSTLER
CLAIMS THAT LAST FALL'S
ACCIDENTAL SHOOTING DEATH OF
CLAIMS THAT LAST FALL'S
ACCIDENTAL SHOOTING DEATH OF
WILLIAM C. SULLIVAN, THE FBI's
ACCIDENTAL SHOOTING DEATH OF
WILLIAM C. SULLIVAN, THE FBI's
NUMBER-THREE MAN, WAS A
WILLIAM C. SULLIVAN, THE FBI's
NUMBER-THREE MAN, WAS A
DELIBERATE ATTEMPT TO SPARE
NUMBER-THREE MAN, WAS A
DELIBERATE ATTEMPT TO SPARE
L. PATRICK GRAY FROM
DELIBERATE ATTEMPT TO SPARE
L. PATRICK GRAY FROM
PROSECUTION.
L. PATRICK GRAY FROM
PROSECUTION.
SULLIVAN WAS ACCIDENTALLY SHOT
PROSECUTION.
SULLIVAN WAS ACCIDENTALLY SHOT
DURING A NEW HAMPSHIRE HUNTING
SULLIVAN WAS ACCIDENTALLY SHOT
DURING A NEW HAMPSHIRE HUNTING
TRIP WHEN, ACCORDING TO THE
DURING A NEW HAMPSHIRE HUNTING
TRIP WHEN, ACCORDING TO THE
BUREAU, HE WAS REPORTEDLY
TRIP WHEN, ACCORDING TO THE
BUREAU, HE WAS REPORTEDLY
MISTAKEN FOR A DEER.
BUREAU, HE WAS REPORTEDLY
MISTAKEN FOR A DEER.
BUT THE DEATH OF SULLIVAN DIDN'T
MISTAKEN FOR A DEER.
BUT THE DEATH OF SULLIVAN DIDN'T
SPARE L. PATRICK GRAY, THE FBI'S
BUT THE DEATH OF SULLIVAN DIDN'T
SPARE L. PATRICK GRAY, THE FBI'S
FORMER ACTING DIRECTOR, FROM
SPARE L. PATRICK GRAY, THE FBI'S
FORMER ACTING DIRECTOR, FROM
BEING CHARGED WITH CONSPIRING TO
FORMER ACTING DIRECTOR, FROM
BEING CHARGED WITH CONSPIRING TO
DEPRIVE AMERICAN CITIZENS OF
BEING CHARGED WITH CONSPIRING TO
DEPRIVE AMERICAN CITIZENS OF
THEIR CIVIL RIGHTS.
DEPRIVE AMERICAN CITIZENS OF
THEIR CIVIL RIGHTS.
AND NOW HERE'S STARGAZER
THEIR CIVIL RIGHTS.
AND NOW HERE'S STARGAZER
BULL MURRAY WITH THIS WEEK'S
AND NOW HERE'S STARGAZER
BULL MURRAY WITH THIS WEEK'S
REVIEW.
BULL MURRAY WITH THIS WEEK'S
REVIEW.
BILL?
REVIEW.
BILL?
THANK YOU, JANE.
BILL?
THANK YOU, JANE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU, JANE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WELL, EVERYBODY'S TALKING ABOUT
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WELL, EVERYBODY'S TALKING ABOUT
"AMERICAN HOT WAX," PARAMOUNT'S
WELL, EVERYBODY'S TALKING ABOUT
"AMERICAN HOT WAX," PARAMOUNT'S
NEW FLICK THAT RIPS THE LID OFF
"AMERICAN HOT WAX," PARAMOUNT'S
NEW FLICK THAT RIPS THE LID OFF
THE ORIGINS OF THE ROCK-'N'-ROLL
NEW FLICK THAT RIPS THE LID OFF
THE ORIGINS OF THE ROCK-'N'-ROLL
GENERATION, BUT MORE THAN A
THE ORIGINS OF THE ROCK-'N'-ROLL
GENERATION, BUT MORE THAN A
SUPER MOVIE, "HOT WAX" IS THE
GENERATION, BUT MORE THAN A
SUPER MOVIE, "HOT WAX" IS THE
UNVEILING OF THE NEWEST STAR IN
SUPER MOVIE, "HOT WAX" IS THE
UNVEILING OF THE NEWEST STAR IN
THE HEAVENS OVER HOLLYWOOD.
UNVEILING OF THE NEWEST STAR IN
THE HEAVENS OVER HOLLYWOOD.
SHE'S THE CUTEST LITTLE PIXIE OF
THE HEAVENS OVER HOLLYWOOD.
SHE'S THE CUTEST LITTLE PIXIE OF
A DARLING SINCE
SHE'S THE CUTEST LITTLE PIXIE OF
A DARLING SINCE
CLAUDETTE COLBERT BROKE MY HEART
A DARLING SINCE
CLAUDETTE COLBERT BROKE MY HEART
AS A CHILD.
CLAUDETTE COLBERT BROKE MY HEART
AS A CHILD.
OF COURSE, I'M TALKING ABOUT A
AS A CHILD.
OF COURSE, I'M TALKING ABOUT A
GIRL NAMED LARAINE NEWMAN.
OF COURSE, I'M TALKING ABOUT A
GIRL NAMED LARAINE NEWMAN.
REMEMBER THAT NAME...
GIRL NAMED LARAINE NEWMAN.
REMEMBER THAT NAME...
LARAINE NEWMAN... BECAUSE WE'RE
REMEMBER THAT NAME...
LARAINE NEWMAN... BECAUSE WE'RE
GOING TO BE HEARING A LOT MORE
LARAINE NEWMAN... BECAUSE WE'RE
GOING TO BE HEARING A LOT MORE
FROM THIS PRETTY LITTLE DYNAMO.
GOING TO BE HEARING A LOT MORE
FROM THIS PRETTY LITTLE DYNAMO.
BUT INSTEAD OF JUST TALKING
FROM THIS PRETTY LITTLE DYNAMO.
BUT INSTEAD OF JUST TALKING
ABOUT IT, THE PARTY ANIMAL HERE
BUT INSTEAD OF JUST TALKING
ABOUT IT, THE PARTY ANIMAL HERE
FLEW OUT TO HOLLYWOOD TO HAVE AN
ABOUT IT, THE PARTY ANIMAL HERE
FLEW OUT TO HOLLYWOOD TO HAVE AN
EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH
FLEW OUT TO HOLLYWOOD TO HAVE AN
EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH
LARAINE.
EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH
LARAINE.
WE WENT TO HER DRESSING ROOM ON
LARAINE.
WE WENT TO HER DRESSING ROOM ON
THE LOT WHERE SHE'S MAKING A NEW
WE WENT TO HER DRESSING ROOM ON
THE LOT WHERE SHE'S MAKING A NEW
MOVIE WITH ROBERT MITCHUM CALLED
THE LOT WHERE SHE'S MAKING A NEW
MOVIE WITH ROBERT MITCHUM CALLED
"SAY THAT TO MY FACE, BABY."
MOVIE WITH ROBERT MITCHUM CALLED
"SAY THAT TO MY FACE, BABY."
ANYWAY, HERE'S THE INTERVIEW WE
"SAY THAT TO MY FACE, BABY."
ANYWAY, HERE'S THE INTERVIEW WE
SHOT.
ANYWAY, HERE'S THE INTERVIEW WE
SHOT.
LET'S ROLL THAT FILM IF WE CAN.
SHOT.
LET'S ROLL THAT FILM IF WE CAN.
I'M SITTING HERE WITH
LET'S ROLL THAT FILM IF WE CAN.
I'M SITTING HERE WITH
LARAINE NEWMAN.
I'M SITTING HERE WITH
LARAINE NEWMAN.
REMEMBER THAT NAME...
LARAINE NEWMAN.
REMEMBER THAT NAME...
LARAINE NEWMAN... BECAUSE YOU'RE
REMEMBER THAT NAME...
LARAINE NEWMAN... BECAUSE YOU'RE
GOING TO BE SEEING AN AWFUL LOT
LARAINE NEWMAN... BECAUSE YOU'RE
GOING TO BE SEEING AN AWFUL LOT
OF THIS TINIEST OF KNUCKLEHEADS.
GOING TO BE SEEING AN AWFUL LOT
OF THIS TINIEST OF KNUCKLEHEADS.
LARAINE, WHY DID IT HAPPEN?
OF THIS TINIEST OF KNUCKLEHEADS.
LARAINE, WHY DID IT HAPPEN?
DO YOU EVER KNOW?
LARAINE, WHY DID IT HAPPEN?
DO YOU EVER KNOW?
WHY YOU?
DO YOU EVER KNOW?
WHY YOU?
HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE ON THE
WHY YOU?
HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE ON THE
THRESHOLD OF WHAT YOU ARE
HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE ON THE
THRESHOLD OF WHAT YOU ARE
BECOMING?
THRESHOLD OF WHAT YOU ARE
BECOMING?
WELL, I THINK, FIRST OF ALL,
BECOMING?
WELL, I THINK, FIRST OF ALL,
BILL, I REALLY WANTED IT, YOU
WELL, I THINK, FIRST OF ALL,
BILL, I REALLY WANTED IT, YOU
KNOW?
BILL, I REALLY WANTED IT, YOU
KNOW?
AND ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT
KNOW?
AND ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT
THINGS I'VE LEARNED IS THAT
AND ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT
THINGS I'VE LEARNED IS THAT
YOU'VE GOT TO MAKE PEOPLE WANT
THINGS I'VE LEARNED IS THAT
YOU'VE GOT TO MAKE PEOPLE WANT
TO WATCH YOU, AND I DON'T
YOU'VE GOT TO MAKE PEOPLE WANT
TO WATCH YOU, AND I DON'T
KNOW... I GUESS PEOPLE JUST WANT
TO WATCH YOU, AND I DON'T
KNOW... I GUESS PEOPLE JUST WANT
TO WATCH ME.
KNOW... I GUESS PEOPLE JUST WANT
TO WATCH ME.
YOU'RE IMPULSIVE, AREN'T YOU?
TO WATCH ME.
YOU'RE IMPULSIVE, AREN'T YOU?
YES.
YOU'RE IMPULSIVE, AREN'T YOU?
YES.
[CHUCKLES]
YES.
[CHUCKLES]
YES, I REALLY AM.
[CHUCKLES]
YES, I REALLY AM.
YOU KNOW, THERE WAS THIS ONE
YES, I REALLY AM.
YOU KNOW, THERE WAS THIS ONE
TIME WHEN I REALLY WANTED TO GO
YOU KNOW, THERE WAS THIS ONE
TIME WHEN I REALLY WANTED TO GO
TO THE BEACH.
TIME WHEN I REALLY WANTED TO GO
TO THE BEACH.
AND I REALLY WANTED TO GO, AND I
TO THE BEACH.
AND I REALLY WANTED TO GO, AND I
REALLY WANTED TO GO.
AND I REALLY WANTED TO GO, AND I
REALLY WANTED TO GO.
AND THIS FRIEND CAME TO MY DOOR
REALLY WANTED TO GO.
AND THIS FRIEND CAME TO MY DOOR
AND WANTED TO GO TO THE BEACH,
AND THIS FRIEND CAME TO MY DOOR
AND WANTED TO GO TO THE BEACH,
AND SO I WENT, JUST LIKE THAT.
AND WANTED TO GO TO THE BEACH,
AND SO I WENT, JUST LIKE THAT.
[LAUGHS]
AND SO I WENT, JUST LIKE THAT.
[LAUGHS]
YOU ARE IMPULSIVE.
[LAUGHS]
YOU ARE IMPULSIVE.
REALLY.
YOU ARE IMPULSIVE.
REALLY.
[WATER RUNNING]
REALLY.
[WATER RUNNING]
HAS SUCCESS MADE YOU HAPPY?
[WATER RUNNING]
HAS SUCCESS MADE YOU HAPPY?
WELL, I'M HAPPY RIGHT NOW
HAS SUCCESS MADE YOU HAPPY?
WELL, I'M HAPPY RIGHT NOW
WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU.
WELL, I'M HAPPY RIGHT NOW
WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU.
ARE YOU HAPPY?
WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU.
ARE YOU HAPPY?
WELL, YES, I'M HAPPY.
ARE YOU HAPPY?
WELL, YES, I'M HAPPY.
[WATER STOPS]
WELL, YES, I'M HAPPY.
[WATER STOPS]
[ZIPPER CLICKING]
[WATER STOPS]
[ZIPPER CLICKING]
YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT HAPPINESS
[ZIPPER CLICKING]
YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT HAPPINESS
IS RELATIVE, YOU KNOW?
YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT HAPPINESS
IS RELATIVE, YOU KNOW?
I DON'T THINK THERE'S ANYBODY IN
IS RELATIVE, YOU KNOW?
I DON'T THINK THERE'S ANYBODY IN
THE INDUSTRY WHO DOESN'T KNOW
I DON'T THINK THERE'S ANYBODY IN
THE INDUSTRY WHO DOESN'T KNOW
THAT.
THE INDUSTRY WHO DOESN'T KNOW
THAT.
BUT, YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT, YOU
THAT.
BUT, YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT, YOU
KNOW...
BUT, YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT, YOU
KNOW...
[OBJECT SPLASHES]
KNOW...
[OBJECT SPLASHES]
[SIGHS]
[OBJECT SPLASHES]
[SIGHS]
HAPPY IS AS HAPPY DOES,
[SIGHS]
HAPPY IS AS HAPPY DOES,
YOU KNOW?
HAPPY IS AS HAPPY DOES,
YOU KNOW?
[WATER SPLASHING]
YOU KNOW?
[WATER SPLASHING]
YOU WANT ME TO GET THAT SPONGE,
[WATER SPLASHING]
YOU WANT ME TO GET THAT SPONGE,
BABE?
YOU WANT ME TO GET THAT SPONGE,
BABE?
GET YOUR BACK FOR YOU?
BABE?
GET YOUR BACK FOR YOU?
'CAUSE I CAN DO THAT.
GET YOUR BACK FOR YOU?
'CAUSE I CAN DO THAT.
BOY, HOLLYWOOD IS AMAZING.
'CAUSE I CAN DO THAT.
BOY, HOLLYWOOD IS AMAZING.
IS THIS THE SET YOU USED FOR THE
BOY, HOLLYWOOD IS AMAZING.
IS THIS THE SET YOU USED FOR THE
NEW YORK SHOTS IN "HOT WAX,"
IS THIS THE SET YOU USED FOR THE
NEW YORK SHOTS IN "HOT WAX,"
LARAINE?
NEW YORK SHOTS IN "HOT WAX,"
LARAINE?
NO.
LARAINE?
NO.
ACTUALLY, THERE'S A VERY FUNNY
NO.
ACTUALLY, THERE'S A VERY FUNNY
STORY BEHIND THAT.
ACTUALLY, THERE'S A VERY FUNNY
STORY BEHIND THAT.
ONE WEEKEND I WAS REALLY
STORY BEHIND THAT.
ONE WEEKEND I WAS REALLY
HOMESICK FOR NEW YORK, AND
ONE WEEKEND I WAS REALLY
HOMESICK FOR NEW YORK, AND
PARAMOUNT BUILT THIS EXACT
HOMESICK FOR NEW YORK, AND
PARAMOUNT BUILT THIS EXACT
REPLICA OF CENTRAL PARK FOR ME.
PARAMOUNT BUILT THIS EXACT
REPLICA OF CENTRAL PARK FOR ME.
I JUST GOT TO WORK ONE MORNING,
REPLICA OF CENTRAL PARK FOR ME.
I JUST GOT TO WORK ONE MORNING,
AND THERE IT WAS.
I JUST GOT TO WORK ONE MORNING,
AND THERE IT WAS.
ISN'T IT NICE?
AND THERE IT WAS.
ISN'T IT NICE?
THAT'S A BIG LAKE BACK THERE.
ISN'T IT NICE?
THAT'S A BIG LAKE BACK THERE.
I'VE GOT MY DUCKS IN THERE.
THAT'S A BIG LAKE BACK THERE.
I'VE GOT MY DUCKS IN THERE.
WELL, YOU CAN SEE WHY I'M
I'VE GOT MY DUCKS IN THERE.
WELL, YOU CAN SEE WHY I'M
EXCITED ABOUT THIS GIRL.
WELL, YOU CAN SEE WHY I'M
EXCITED ABOUT THIS GIRL.
OFF THE RECORD, I TOLD LARAINE,
EXCITED ABOUT THIS GIRL.
OFF THE RECORD, I TOLD LARAINE,
"HONEY, YOU'RE GONNA BE OUR NEXT
OFF THE RECORD, I TOLD LARAINE,
"HONEY, YOU'RE GONNA BE OUR NEXT
UNPARALLELED SUPERSTAR, BUT
"HONEY, YOU'RE GONNA BE OUR NEXT
UNPARALLELED SUPERSTAR, BUT
DON'T CHANGE.
UNPARALLELED SUPERSTAR, BUT
DON'T CHANGE.
DON'T FORGET THE PEOPLE AND THE
DON'T CHANGE.
DON'T FORGET THE PEOPLE AND THE
REVIEWERS YOU MET ON THE WAY
DON'T FORGET THE PEOPLE AND THE
REVIEWERS YOU MET ON THE WAY
UP."
REVIEWERS YOU MET ON THE WAY
UP."
SO GOOD LUCK, YOU TINY LITTLE
UP."
SO GOOD LUCK, YOU TINY LITTLE
SUPERSTAR.
SO GOOD LUCK, YOU TINY LITTLE
SUPERSTAR.
GET OUT OF HERE AND GO HAVE SOME
SUPERSTAR.
GET OUT OF HERE AND GO HAVE SOME
FUN.
GET OUT OF HERE AND GO HAVE SOME
FUN.
YOU'RE TERRIFIC, LARAINE.
FUN.
YOU'RE TERRIFIC, LARAINE.
BACK TO YOU, JANE.
YOU'RE TERRIFIC, LARAINE.
BACK TO YOU, JANE.
THANK YOU, BILL.
BACK TO YOU, JANE.
THANK YOU, BILL.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU, BILL.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WELL, OUR RECENT STORY ABOUT
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WELL, OUR RECENT STORY ABOUT
ORSON WELLES' SKIING ACCIDENT
WELL, OUR RECENT STORY ABOUT
ORSON WELLES' SKIING ACCIDENT
HAS HAD A HAPPY ENDING.
ORSON WELLES' SKIING ACCIDENT
HAS HAD A HAPPY ENDING.
ORSON IS FULLY RECOVERED AND WAS
HAS HAD A HAPPY ENDING.
ORSON IS FULLY RECOVERED AND WAS
SEEN SKATEBOARDING YESTERDAY IN
ORSON IS FULLY RECOVERED AND WAS
SEEN SKATEBOARDING YESTERDAY IN
THE STREETS OF ASPEN, COLORADO.
SEEN SKATEBOARDING YESTERDAY IN
THE STREETS OF ASPEN, COLORADO.
THIS WEEK'S POINT/COUNTERPOINT
THE STREETS OF ASPEN, COLORADO.
THIS WEEK'S POINT/COUNTERPOINT
IS ON THE NEUTRON BOMB.
THIS WEEK'S POINT/COUNTERPOINT
IS ON THE NEUTRON BOMB.
OH, BOY, A BOMB THAT KILLS
IS ON THE NEUTRON BOMB.
OH, BOY, A BOMB THAT KILLS
PEOPLE AND LEAVES PROPERTY
OH, BOY, A BOMB THAT KILLS
PEOPLE AND LEAVES PROPERTY
INTACT.
PEOPLE AND LEAVES PROPERTY
INTACT.
THAT OUGHT TO MAKE YOUR
INTACT.
THAT OUGHT TO MAKE YOUR
MILITARISTIC, CAPITALISTIC HEART
THAT OUGHT TO MAKE YOUR
MILITARISTIC, CAPITALISTIC HEART
GO PITTER-PATTER, DAN.
MILITARISTIC, CAPITALISTIC HEART
GO PITTER-PATTER, DAN.
SO WHAT IF A FEW MILLION PEOPLE
GO PITTER-PATTER, DAN.
SO WHAT IF A FEW MILLION PEOPLE
DIE SO LONG AS THE MEANS OF
SO WHAT IF A FEW MILLION PEOPLE
DIE SO LONG AS THE MEANS OF
PRODUCTION STAY IN YOUR CONTROL
DIE SO LONG AS THE MEANS OF
PRODUCTION STAY IN YOUR CONTROL
SO YOU CAN LIVE HIGH ON THE HOG
PRODUCTION STAY IN YOUR CONTROL
SO YOU CAN LIVE HIGH ON THE HOG
OFF THE SWEAT AND BLOOD OF
SO YOU CAN LIVE HIGH ON THE HOG
OFF THE SWEAT AND BLOOD OF
OTHERS?
OFF THE SWEAT AND BLOOD OF
OTHERS?
YOU'RE A PIG, DAN.
OTHERS?
YOU'RE A PIG, DAN.
MY ONLY CONSOLATION IS THAT
YOU'RE A PIG, DAN.
MY ONLY CONSOLATION IS THAT
YOU'LL PROBABLY CONTINUE TO GAIN
MY ONLY CONSOLATION IS THAT
YOU'LL PROBABLY CONTINUE TO GAIN
WEIGHT AND DIE OF A HEART ATTACK
YOU'LL PROBABLY CONTINUE TO GAIN
WEIGHT AND DIE OF A HEART ATTACK
AT AN EARLY AGE.
WEIGHT AND DIE OF A HEART ATTACK
AT AN EARLY AGE.
I NEVER CEASE TO BE AMAZED AT
AT AN EARLY AGE.
I NEVER CEASE TO BE AMAZED AT
YOUR STUPIDITY, JANE.
I NEVER CEASE TO BE AMAZED AT
YOUR STUPIDITY, JANE.
THE COLD WAR IS NO SUNDAY SCHOOL
YOUR STUPIDITY, JANE.
THE COLD WAR IS NO SUNDAY SCHOOL
PICNIC.
THE COLD WAR IS NO SUNDAY SCHOOL
PICNIC.
THE RUSSIANS MEAN BUSINESS, AND,
PICNIC.
THE RUSSIANS MEAN BUSINESS, AND,
BY GEORGE, SO SHOULD WE.
THE RUSSIANS MEAN BUSINESS, AND,
BY GEORGE, SO SHOULD WE.
IF WE CAN DEVELOP A MILITARY
BY GEORGE, SO SHOULD WE.
IF WE CAN DEVELOP A MILITARY
EDGE, LET'S DO IT.
IF WE CAN DEVELOP A MILITARY
EDGE, LET'S DO IT.
I HATE THE COMMUNISTS, AND SO
EDGE, LET'S DO IT.
I HATE THE COMMUNISTS, AND SO
SHOULD YOU, JANE.
I HATE THE COMMUNISTS, AND SO
SHOULD YOU, JANE.
IF THEY TAKE OVER, THEY'RE NOT
SHOULD YOU, JANE.
IF THEY TAKE OVER, THEY'RE NOT
GOING TO BE ANY EASIER ON YOU
IF THEY TAKE OVER, THEY'RE NOT
GOING TO BE ANY EASIER ON YOU
BLEEDING-HEART LIBERALS THEN ON
GOING TO BE ANY EASIER ON YOU
BLEEDING-HEART LIBERALS THEN ON
US, DEFENDERS OF THE FREEDOM.
BLEEDING-HEART LIBERALS THEN ON
US, DEFENDERS OF THE FREEDOM.
REMEMBER WHAT THE RUSSIAN
US, DEFENDERS OF THE FREEDOM.
REMEMBER WHAT THE RUSSIAN
SOLDIERS DID TO THE GERMAN WOMEN
REMEMBER WHAT THE RUSSIAN
SOLDIERS DID TO THE GERMAN WOMEN
AT THE END OF WORLD WAR II.
SOLDIERS DID TO THE GERMAN WOMEN
AT THE END OF WORLD WAR II.
BUT I GUESS YOU HAVE NOTHING TO
AT THE END OF WORLD WAR II.
BUT I GUESS YOU HAVE NOTHING TO
WORRY ABOUT THERE, YOU AGING,
BUT I GUESS YOU HAVE NOTHING TO
WORRY ABOUT THERE, YOU AGING,
DRIED-OUT, OLD HAG.
WORRY ABOUT THERE, YOU AGING,
DRIED-OUT, OLD HAG.
THANK YOU, JANE.
DRIED-OUT, OLD HAG.
THANK YOU, JANE.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, JANE.
THANK YOU.
WELL, JUDGING BY THE WEATHER, IT
THANK YOU.
WELL, JUDGING BY THE WEATHER, IT
LOOKS LIKE SPRING IS HERE TO
WELL, JUDGING BY THE WEATHER, IT
LOOKS LIKE SPRING IS HERE TO
STAY.
LOOKS LIKE SPRING IS HERE TO
STAY.
THE GRASS THE GREEN, THE
STAY.
THE GRASS THE GREEN, THE
BASEBALL SEASON JUST OPENED, AND
THE GRASS THE GREEN, THE
BASEBALL SEASON JUST OPENED, AND
EVERYBODY LOVES TO BE IN LOVE,
BASEBALL SEASON JUST OPENED, AND
EVERYBODY LOVES TO BE IN LOVE,
AND HERE TO REPORT ON SPRING
EVERYBODY LOVES TO BE IN LOVE,
AND HERE TO REPORT ON SPRING
FEVER IS CORRESPONDENT
AND HERE TO REPORT ON SPRING
FEVER IS CORRESPONDENT
ROSEANNE ROSEANNADANNA.
FEVER IS CORRESPONDENT
ROSEANNE ROSEANNADANNA.
ROSEANNE?
ROSEANNE ROSEANNADANNA.
ROSEANNE?
THANKS A LOT, JANE!
ROSEANNE?
THANKS A LOT, JANE!
UH, MISS DORIS POWELL OF
THANKS A LOT, JANE!
UH, MISS DORIS POWELL OF
FORT LEE, NEW JERSEY, WRITES IN
UH, MISS DORIS POWELL OF
FORT LEE, NEW JERSEY, WRITES IN
AND SAYS, "DEAR
FORT LEE, NEW JERSEY, WRITES IN
AND SAYS, "DEAR
ROSEANNE ROSEANNADANNA, IT'S
AND SAYS, "DEAR
ROSEANNE ROSEANNADANNA, IT'S
SPRING, AND I'M DEPRESSED AS A
ROSEANNE ROSEANNADANNA, IT'S
SPRING, AND I'M DEPRESSED AS A
DOG.
SPRING, AND I'M DEPRESSED AS A
DOG.
WHAT SHOULD I DO?"
DOG.
WHAT SHOULD I DO?"
WELL, MISS POWELL, I KNOW
WHAT SHOULD I DO?"
WELL, MISS POWELL, I KNOW
EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE GOING
WELL, MISS POWELL, I KNOW
EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE GOING
THROUGH, 'CAUSE ONCE, I,
EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE GOING
THROUGH, 'CAUSE ONCE, I,
ROSEANNE ROSEANNADANNA, WAS SO
THROUGH, 'CAUSE ONCE, I,
ROSEANNE ROSEANNADANNA, WAS SO
DEPRESSED I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA
ROSEANNE ROSEANNADANNA, WAS SO
DEPRESSED I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA
DIE.
DEPRESSED I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA
DIE.
YOU SEE, MY BOYFRIEND, WHO I WAS
DIE.
YOU SEE, MY BOYFRIEND, WHO I WAS
SEEING FOR A LONG TIME... HE
YOU SEE, MY BOYFRIEND, WHO I WAS
SEEING FOR A LONG TIME... HE
DROPPED ME LIKE A HOT POTATO.
SEEING FOR A LONG TIME... HE
DROPPED ME LIKE A HOT POTATO.
I FELT SO SAD I COULDN'T EAT, I
DROPPED ME LIKE A HOT POTATO.
I FELT SO SAD I COULDN'T EAT, I
COULDN'T SLEEP, I COULDN'T LEAVE
I FELT SO SAD I COULDN'T EAT, I
COULDN'T SLEEP, I COULDN'T LEAVE
THE HOUSE, I COULDN'T DO
COULDN'T SLEEP, I COULDN'T LEAVE
THE HOUSE, I COULDN'T DO
NOTHING.
THE HOUSE, I COULDN'T DO
NOTHING.
I STARTED WEARING THE SAME
NOTHING.
I STARTED WEARING THE SAME
CLOTHES EVERY DAY.
I STARTED WEARING THE SAME
CLOTHES EVERY DAY.
YOU KNOW I WAS EVEN THINKING OF
CLOTHES EVERY DAY.
YOU KNOW I WAS EVEN THINKING OF
BECOMING A NUN...
YOU KNOW I WAS EVEN THINKING OF
BECOMING A NUN...
SISTER MARY ELIZABETH ROSEANNE
BECOMING A NUN...
SISTER MARY ELIZABETH ROSEANNE
ROSEANNADANNA?
SISTER MARY ELIZABETH ROSEANNE
ROSEANNADANNA?
BUT THEN I REALIZED I DON'T
ROSEANNADANNA?
BUT THEN I REALIZED I DON'T
WANT TO BE NO NUN.
BUT THEN I REALIZED I DON'T
WANT TO BE NO NUN.
WHAT KIND OF LIFE IS THAT?
WANT TO BE NO NUN.
WHAT KIND OF LIFE IS THAT?
YOU SWEAT TOO MUCH AT THE BEACH.
WHAT KIND OF LIFE IS THAT?
YOU SWEAT TOO MUCH AT THE BEACH.
SO I PICKED MYSELF UP, I LOOKED
YOU SWEAT TOO MUCH AT THE BEACH.
SO I PICKED MYSELF UP, I LOOKED
AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR, AND
SO I PICKED MYSELF UP, I LOOKED
AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR, AND
SAID, "HEY, I'M OKAY.
AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR, AND
SAID, "HEY, I'M OKAY.
YOU'RE OKAY.
SAID, "HEY, I'M OKAY.
YOU'RE OKAY.
I'M MY OWN BEST FRIEND.
YOU'RE OKAY.
I'M MY OWN BEST FRIEND.
YES, I CAN.
I'M MY OWN BEST FRIEND.
YES, I CAN.
MY ERRONEOUS ZONES.
YES, I CAN.
MY ERRONEOUS ZONES.
I HAVE NO FEAR OF FLYING.
MY ERRONEOUS ZONES.
I HAVE NO FEAR OF FLYING.
I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR."
I HAVE NO FEAR OF FLYING.
I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR."
[ROARS]
I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR."
[ROARS]
AND I STARTED TO FEEL REAL ZIPPY
[ROARS]
AND I STARTED TO FEEL REAL ZIPPY
AND GOOD.
AND I STARTED TO FEEL REAL ZIPPY
AND GOOD.
I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I
AND GOOD.
I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I
STARTED FEELING LIKE A REAL
I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I
STARTED FEELING LIKE A REAL
WOMAN.
STARTED FEELING LIKE A REAL
WOMAN.
YOU SEE, WHEN I WAS LITTLE, I
WOMAN.
YOU SEE, WHEN I WAS LITTLE, I
USED TO BE A TOMBOY.
YOU SEE, WHEN I WAS LITTLE, I
USED TO BE A TOMBOY.
I DIDN'T LIKE GIRLS... THEY WERE
USED TO BE A TOMBOY.
I DIDN'T LIKE GIRLS... THEY WERE
ALWAYS CRYING AND PLAYING WITH
I DIDN'T LIKE GIRLS... THEY WERE
ALWAYS CRYING AND PLAYING WITH
DOLLS, SO I PLAYED BASEBALL AND
ALWAYS CRYING AND PLAYING WITH
DOLLS, SO I PLAYED BASEBALL AND
FOOTBALL AND BASKETBALL WITH THE
DOLLS, SO I PLAYED BASEBALL AND
FOOTBALL AND BASKETBALL WITH THE
GUYS.
FOOTBALL AND BASKETBALL WITH THE
GUYS.
BUT PRETTY SOON, I STARTED TO
GUYS.
BUT PRETTY SOON, I STARTED TO
NOTICE THAT I FELT A LITTLE
BUT PRETTY SOON, I STARTED TO
NOTICE THAT I FELT A LITTLE
STRANGE INSIDE, LIKE I NEVER
NOTICE THAT I FELT A LITTLE
STRANGE INSIDE, LIKE I NEVER
FELT THIS WAY BEFORE, AND I
STRANGE INSIDE, LIKE I NEVER
FELT THIS WAY BEFORE, AND I
ASKED MY MOTHER.
FELT THIS WAY BEFORE, AND I
ASKED MY MOTHER.
I SAID, "MOM, HEY, WHAT'S GOING
ASKED MY MOTHER.
I SAID, "MOM, HEY, WHAT'S GOING
ON IN HERE?"
I SAID, "MOM, HEY, WHAT'S GOING
ON IN HERE?"
AND SHE GIVES ME THIS LITTLE
ON IN HERE?"
AND SHE GIVES ME THIS LITTLE
BOOK CALLED
AND SHE GIVES ME THIS LITTLE
BOOK CALLED
"WHY JANE CAN'T GO SWIMMING."
HMM.
THIS BOOK... IT HAD A LOT OF
PICTURES OF GIRLS SITTING AROUND
THIS BOOK... IT HAD A LOT OF
PICTURES OF GIRLS SITTING AROUND
THE POOL IN ONE-PIECE BATHING
PICTURES OF GIRLS SITTING AROUND
THE POOL IN ONE-PIECE BATHING
SUITS.
THE POOL IN ONE-PIECE BATHING
SUITS.
WHICH REMINDS ME... YOU KNOW
SUITS.
WHICH REMINDS ME... YOU KNOW
WHAT REALLY MAKES ME SICK?
WHICH REMINDS ME... YOU KNOW
WHAT REALLY MAKES ME SICK?
WHEN IT'S SUMMER AND YOU'RE AT
WHAT REALLY MAKES ME SICK?
WHEN IT'S SUMMER AND YOU'RE AT
THE PARK AND YOU'RE REAL THIRSTY
WHEN IT'S SUMMER AND YOU'RE AT
THE PARK AND YOU'RE REAL THIRSTY
AND YOU GO TO THE DRINKING
THE PARK AND YOU'RE REAL THIRSTY
AND YOU GO TO THE DRINKING
FOUNTAIN AND SOMEBODY SPIT
AND YOU GO TO THE DRINKING
FOUNTAIN AND SOMEBODY SPIT
SOMETHING IN THERE THAT'S REAL
FOUNTAIN AND SOMEBODY SPIT
SOMETHING IN THERE THAT'S REAL
WEIRD AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT
SOMETHING IN THERE THAT'S REAL
WEIRD AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT
IS AND IT'S ON THE TOP...
WEIRD AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT
IS AND IT'S ON THE TOP...
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING
IS AND IT'S ON THE TOP...
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT?!
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT?!
WHY IS IT THAT YOU ALWAYS STRAY
ABOUT?!
WHY IS IT THAT YOU ALWAYS STRAY
FROM THE SUBJECT?
WHY IS IT THAT YOU ALWAYS STRAY
FROM THE SUBJECT?
YOU COME ON THE SHOW AND YOU
FROM THE SUBJECT?
YOU COME ON THE SHOW AND YOU
TALK ABOUT YOUR OWN PERSONAL,
YOU COME ON THE SHOW AND YOU
TALK ABOUT YOUR OWN PERSONAL,
DISGUSTING PROBLEMS.
TALK ABOUT YOUR OWN PERSONAL,
DISGUSTING PROBLEMS.
WELL, JANE, IT JUST GOES TO
DISGUSTING PROBLEMS.
WELL, JANE, IT JUST GOES TO
SHOW YOU, IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING.
WELL, JANE, IT JUST GOES TO
SHOW YOU, IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING.
IT'S LIKE MY FATHER USED TO SAY
SHOW YOU, IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING.
IT'S LIKE MY FATHER USED TO SAY
TO ME BEFORE I'D GO TO BED...
IT'S LIKE MY FATHER USED TO SAY
TO ME BEFORE I'D GO TO BED...
HE'D TUCK ME IN AND MAKE SURE I
TO ME BEFORE I'D GO TO BED...
HE'D TUCK ME IN AND MAKE SURE I
WAS AS SNUG AS A BUG IN A RUG,
HE'D TUCK ME IN AND MAKE SURE I
WAS AS SNUG AS A BUG IN A RUG,
AND HE'D TUCK ME IN AND HE'D SAY
WAS AS SNUG AS A BUG IN A RUG,
AND HE'D TUCK ME IN AND HE'D SAY
THIS LITTLE POEM WRITTEN BY MY
AND HE'D TUCK ME IN AND HE'D SAY
THIS LITTLE POEM WRITTEN BY MY
GRANDMOTHER, NANA ROSEANNADANNA.
THIS LITTLE POEM WRITTEN BY MY
GRANDMOTHER, NANA ROSEANNADANNA.
AND HE'D SAY, "ROSES ARE RED.
GRANDMOTHER, NANA ROSEANNADANNA.
AND HE'D SAY, "ROSES ARE RED.
PENCILS ARE LEAD.
AND HE'D SAY, "ROSES ARE RED.
PENCILS ARE LEAD.
HERE'S A LITTLE POEM BEFORE YOU
PENCILS ARE LEAD.
HERE'S A LITTLE POEM BEFORE YOU
GO TO BED.
HERE'S A LITTLE POEM BEFORE YOU
GO TO BED.
VIOLETS ARE BLUE.
GO TO BED.
VIOLETS ARE BLUE.
I'LL GIVE YOU A CLUE.
VIOLETS ARE BLUE.
I'LL GIVE YOU A CLUE.
IT'S SOMETHING I WROTE JUST FOR
I'LL GIVE YOU A CLUE.
IT'S SOMETHING I WROTE JUST FOR
YOU.
IT'S SOMETHING I WROTE JUST FOR
YOU.
SHAMROCKS ARE GREEN.
YOU.
SHAMROCKS ARE GREEN.
CORNED BEEF IS LEAN.
SHAMROCKS ARE GREEN.
CORNED BEEF IS LEAN.
YOU'RE THE CUTEST GIRL I'VE EVER
CORNED BEEF IS LEAN.
YOU'RE THE CUTEST GIRL I'VE EVER
SEEN.
YOU'RE THE CUTEST GIRL I'VE EVER
SEEN.
DAFFODILS ARE YELLOW.
SEEN.
DAFFODILS ARE YELLOW.
DONOVAN SINGS "MELLOW."
DAFFODILS ARE YELLOW.
DONOVAN SINGS "MELLOW."
IF YOU WERE MY SON, I'D BE A
DONOVAN SINGS "MELLOW."
IF YOU WERE MY SON, I'D BE A
JOLLY GOOD FELLOW.
IF YOU WERE MY SON, I'D BE A
JOLLY GOOD FELLOW.
TULIPS ARE PINK.
JOLLY GOOD FELLOW.
TULIPS ARE PINK.
A PLUMBER FIXED MY SINK.
TULIPS ARE PINK.
A PLUMBER FIXED MY SINK.
ISN'T THIS FUN?
A PLUMBER FIXED MY SINK.
ISN'T THIS FUN?
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
ISN'T THIS FUN?
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
CARNATIONS ARE PLAIN.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
CARNATIONS ARE PLAIN.
I LEFT A CUPCAKE IN THE RAIN.
CARNATIONS ARE PLAIN.
I LEFT A CUPCAKE IN THE RAIN.
THIS IS REALLY GOING GOOD.
I LEFT A CUPCAKE IN THE RAIN.
THIS IS REALLY GOING GOOD.
TAKE IT, JANE!
THIS IS REALLY GOING GOOD.
TAKE IT, JANE!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
TAKE IT, JANE!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THAT'S THE NEWS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THAT'S THE NEWS.
GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT
THAT'S THE NEWS.
GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT
TOMORROW.
GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT
TOMORROW.
Announcer: "WEEKEND UPDATE"
TOMORROW.
Announcer: "WEEKEND UPDATE"
IS A PRESENTATION OF
Announcer: "WEEKEND UPDATE"
IS A PRESENTATION OF
"SATURDAY NIGHT NEWS,"
IS A PRESENTATION OF
"SATURDAY NIGHT NEWS,"
KEEPING AMERICA INFORMED
"SATURDAY NIGHT NEWS,"
KEEPING AMERICA INFORMED
FOR OVER 1/50 OF A CENTURY.
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
COME ON, NOVELLO!
COME ON!
COME ON, NOVELLO!
COME ON!
I KNOW HIM... HE'S NOTHING!
COME ON!
I KNOW HIM... HE'S NOTHING!
GIVE HIM A GOOD SHOT!
I KNOW HIM... HE'S NOTHING!
GIVE HIM A GOOD SHOT!
GIVE HIM A SHOT, NOVELLO!
GIVE HIM A GOOD SHOT!
GIVE HIM A SHOT, NOVELLO!
OKAY!
GIVE HIM A SHOT, NOVELLO!
OKAY!
ONE MORE TIME, I'M GONNA COME
OKAY!
ONE MORE TIME, I'M GONNA COME
UP THERE.
ONE MORE TIME, I'M GONNA COME
UP THERE.
I'M GONNA PASS MY HAND BY YOUR
UP THERE.
I'M GONNA PASS MY HAND BY YOUR
FACE.
I'M GONNA PASS MY HAND BY YOUR
FACE.
[CROWD JEERS]
FACE.
[CROWD JEERS]
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
[CROWD JEERS]
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
NUMBER 44 YELLOW, FIGHTING.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
NUMBER 44 YELLOW, FIGHTING.
NUMBER 23 BLUE, FIGHTING.
NUMBER 44 YELLOW, FIGHTING.
NUMBER 23 BLUE, FIGHTING.
SALT LAKE PLAYER NUMBER 43,
NUMBER 23 BLUE, FIGHTING.
SALT LAKE PLAYER NUMBER 43,
NOVELLO... FIVE MINUTES,
SALT LAKE PLAYER NUMBER 43,
NOVELLO... FIVE MINUTES,
FIGHTING.
NOVELLO... FIVE MINUTES,
FIGHTING.
SAN ANTONIO PLAYER NUMBER 44,
FIGHTING.
SAN ANTONIO PLAYER NUMBER 44,
LAVIOLETTE, FIVE MINUTES,
SAN ANTONIO PLAYER NUMBER 44,
LAVIOLETTE, FIVE MINUTES,
FIGHTING.
LAVIOLETTE, FIVE MINUTES,
FIGHTING.
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
FIGHTING.
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
BREAK IT UP!
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
BREAK IT UP!
BREAK IT UP!
BREAK IT UP!
BREAK IT UP!
BREAK IT UP!
BREAK IT UP!
BREAK IT UP!
OH, YOU'LL BE FIRED!
BREAK IT UP!
OH, YOU'LL BE FIRED!
NOW, I MEAN IT, NOW!
OH, YOU'LL BE FIRED!
NOW, I MEAN IT, NOW!
FRENCH GUY'S AN ANIMAL, MAN.
NOW, I MEAN IT, NOW!
FRENCH GUY'S AN ANIMAL, MAN.
HE'S GOT NO CLASS AT ALL.
FRENCH GUY'S AN ANIMAL, MAN.
HE'S GOT NO CLASS AT ALL.
WHO, LAVIOLETTE?
HE'S GOT NO CLASS AT ALL.
WHO, LAVIOLETTE?
OH, HE'S NOT WORSE THAN THOSE
WHO, LAVIOLETTE?
OH, HE'S NOT WORSE THAN THOSE
TEXAS FANS.
OH, HE'S NOT WORSE THAN THOSE
TEXAS FANS.
I KNOW THAT GUY.
TEXAS FANS.
I KNOW THAT GUY.
JEAN LAVIOLETTE.
I KNOW THAT GUY.
JEAN LAVIOLETTE.
I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH HIM IN
JEAN LAVIOLETTE.
I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH HIM IN
THREE RIVERS, QUEBEC.
I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH HIM IN
THREE RIVERS, QUEBEC.
WE KNOW EACH OTHER.
THREE RIVERS, QUEBEC.
WE KNOW EACH OTHER.
HURTUBISE, TWO MINUTES IS UP.
WE KNOW EACH OTHER.
HURTUBISE, TWO MINUTES IS UP.
FIVE-SECOND COUNTDOWN.
HURTUBISE, TWO MINUTES IS UP.
FIVE-SECOND COUNTDOWN.
OKAY, DONNY, HERE I GO.
FIVE-SECOND COUNTDOWN.
OKAY, DONNY, HERE I GO.
STAY COOL.
OKAY, DONNY, HERE I GO.
STAY COOL.
REMEMBER, WE'RE PROFESSIONALS.
STAY COOL.
REMEMBER, WE'RE PROFESSIONALS.
OKAY, GO, JEAN, GO, JEAN!
REMEMBER, WE'RE PROFESSIONALS.
OKAY, GO, JEAN, GO, JEAN!
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
OKAY, GO, JEAN, GO, JEAN!
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
NUMBER 5 BLUE, HIGH-STICKING.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
NUMBER 5 BLUE, HIGH-STICKING.
SEAGULL'S PLAYER NUMBER 5,
NUMBER 5 BLUE, HIGH-STICKING.
SEAGULL'S PLAYER NUMBER 5,
HURTUBISE.
SEAGULL'S PLAYER NUMBER 5,
HURTUBISE.
TWO MINUTES FOR HIGH-STICKING.
HURTUBISE.
TWO MINUTES FOR HIGH-STICKING.
NO, IT'S OKAY.
TWO MINUTES FOR HIGH-STICKING.
NO, IT'S OKAY.
I KNOW THAT GUY.
NO, IT'S OKAY.
I KNOW THAT GUY.
HEY.
I KNOW THAT GUY.
HEY.
[French-Canadian accent]
HEY.
[French-Canadian accent]
çA VA, çA VA...
[French-Canadian accent]
çA VA, çA VA...
YOU SPEAK ENGLISH.
ÇA VA, çA VA...
YOU SPEAK ENGLISH.
NOT TOO MUCH HERE IN TEXAS.
YOU SPEAK ENGLISH.
NOT TOO MUCH HERE IN TEXAS.
THEY ALL SPEAK ENGLISH HERE, SO
NOT TOO MUCH HERE IN TEXAS.
THEY ALL SPEAK ENGLISH HERE, SO
I HAVE TO SPEAK ENGLISH.
THEY ALL SPEAK ENGLISH HERE, SO
I HAVE TO SPEAK ENGLISH.
IN SAN ANTONIO, YOU DON'T FIND A
I HAVE TO SPEAK ENGLISH.
IN SAN ANTONIO, YOU DON'T FIND A
LOT OF QUEBECERS.
IN SAN ANTONIO, YOU DON'T FIND A
LOT OF QUEBECERS.
SO THEY TRADED YOU FROM THE
LOT OF QUEBECERS.
SO THEY TRADED YOU FROM THE
STINGERS?
SO THEY TRADED YOU FROM THE
STINGERS?
OUAIS, THE CINCINNATI
STINGERS?
OUAIS, THE CINCINNATI
STINGERS ENTRAINé AVEC THE
OUAIS, THE CINCINNATI
STINGERS ENTRAINé AVEC THE
CALIFORNIA SEALS.
STINGERS ENTRAINé AVEC THE
CALIFORNIA SEALS.
OUAIS, POUR CINQ AMéRICAINS.
CALIFORNIA SEALS.
OUAIS, POUR CINQ AMéRICAINS.
OH, MON DIEU.
OUAIS, POUR CINQ AMéRICAINS.
OH, MON DIEU.
ET PUIS TOI?
OH, MON DIEU.
ET PUIS TOI?
OU éTIEZ-VOUS ENTRAINé?
ET PUIS TOI?
OU éTIEZ-VOUS ENTRAINé?
JE M'éTAIS ENTRAINé PAR LES
OU éTIEZ-VOUS ENTRAINé?
JE M'éTAIS ENTRAINé PAR LES
BIRMINGHAM BULLS à
JE M'éTAIS ENTRAINé PAR LES
BIRMINGHAM BULLS à
SALT LAKE CITY.
BIRMINGHAM BULLS à
SALT LAKE CITY.
SALT LAKE CITY?
SALT LAKE CITY.
SALT LAKE CITY?
WHAT'S IT LIKE UP THERE?
SALT LAKE CITY?
WHAT'S IT LIKE UP THERE?
QU'EST-CE QUE T'AS FAIT Là-BAS?
WHAT'S IT LIKE UP THERE?
QU'EST-CE QUE T'AS FAIT Là-BAS?
OH, C'EST DU FUN.
QU'EST-CE QUE T'AS FAIT Là-BAS?
OH, C'EST DU FUN.
L'ANNéE PASSéE Là, J'AI FAIT
OH, C'EST DU FUN.
L'ANNéE PASSéE Là, J'AI FAIT
DU SHOPPING.
L'ANNéE PASSéE Là, J'AI FAIT
DU SHOPPING.
J'AI ACHETé UN COLOR TV, A CB
DU SHOPPING.
J'AI ACHETé UN COLOR TV, A CB
RADIO, MOTOR HOME, WASHER/DRYER.
J'AI ACHETé UN COLOR TV, A CB
RADIO, MOTOR HOME, WASHER/DRYER.
OH, ME TOO.
RADIO, MOTOR HOME, WASHER/DRYER.
OH, ME TOO.
JE SUIS MARlé UNE BELLE TEXAS
OH, ME TOO.
JE SUIS MARlé UNE BELLE TEXAS
COWGIRL... BLONDE... ET PUIS
JE SUIS MARlé UNE BELLE TEXAS
COWGIRL... BLONDE... ET PUIS
ACHETé UN CHRYSLER, PUIS UN GROS
COWGIRL... BLONDE... ET PUIS
ACHETé UN CHRYSLER, PUIS UN GROS
RANCH HOUSE, EH?
ACHETé UN CHRYSLER, PUIS UN GROS
RANCH HOUSE, EH?
AH, OUI?
RANCH HOUSE, EH?
AH, OUI?
YEAH.
AH, OUI?
YEAH.
HEY, THEY'VE GOT NICE BOOTS
YEAH.
HEY, THEY'VE GOT NICE BOOTS
HERE IN TEXAS.
HEY, THEY'VE GOT NICE BOOTS
HERE IN TEXAS.
YEAH.
HERE IN TEXAS.
YEAH.
ME, I GOT CUSTOM-MADE COWBOY
YEAH.
ME, I GOT CUSTOM-MADE COWBOY
BOOTS.
ME, I GOT CUSTOM-MADE COWBOY
BOOTS.
CUSTOM-MADE COWBOY BOOTS.
BOOTS.
CUSTOM-MADE COWBOY BOOTS.
HEY, YOU BEEN BACK TO QUEBEC?
CUSTOM-MADE COWBOY BOOTS.
HEY, YOU BEEN BACK TO QUEBEC?
YEAH, I BEEN BACK AT
HEY, YOU BEEN BACK TO QUEBEC?
YEAH, I BEEN BACK AT
CHRISTMASTIME.
YEAH, I BEEN BACK AT
CHRISTMASTIME.
MY WHOLE FAMILY... ALL THEY'RE
CHRISTMASTIME.
MY WHOLE FAMILY... ALL THEY'RE
TALKING ABOUT IS SEPARATING FROM
MY WHOLE FAMILY... ALL THEY'RE
TALKING ABOUT IS SEPARATING FROM
CANADA.
TALKING ABOUT IS SEPARATING FROM
CANADA.
HEY, LET'S GET HIGH TOGETHER
CANADA.
HEY, LET'S GET HIGH TOGETHER
AFTER THE GAME.
HEY, LET'S GET HIGH TOGETHER
AFTER THE GAME.
GET HIGH WITH WHAT?
AFTER THE GAME.
GET HIGH WITH WHAT?
AVEC DU POT!
GET HIGH WITH WHAT?
AVEC DU POT!
J'EN AI DU BON POT COLOMBIEN.
AVEC DU POT!
J'EN AI DU BON POT COLOMBIEN.
ON PEUT FUMER DU POT CHEZ MOI.
J'EN AI DU BON POT COLOMBIEN.
ON PEUT FUMER DU POT CHEZ MOI.
à TON RANCH HOUSE?
ON PEUT FUMER DU POT CHEZ MOI.
à TON RANCH HOUSE?
OUAI, à MON RANCH HOUSE.
À TON RANCH HOUSE?
OUAI, à MON RANCH HOUSE.
JE VAIS AVEC VOUS.
OUAI, à MON RANCH HOUSE.
JE VAIS AVEC VOUS.
NOVELLO, LAVIOLETTE.
JE VAIS AVEC VOUS.
NOVELLO, LAVIOLETTE.
GET READY FOR THE FIVE-SECOND
NOVELLO, LAVIOLETTE.
GET READY FOR THE FIVE-SECOND
COUNTDOWN OF YOUR PENALTIES.
GET READY FOR THE FIVE-SECOND
COUNTDOWN OF YOUR PENALTIES.
FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE.
COUNTDOWN OF YOUR PENALTIES.
FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE.
YOU KNOW, JEAN, SOMETIMES I
FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE.
YOU KNOW, JEAN, SOMETIMES I
WONDER WHETHER YOU HONESTLY CARE
YOU KNOW, JEAN, SOMETIMES I
WONDER WHETHER YOU HONESTLY CARE
WHETHER WE WIN OR NOT.
WONDER WHETHER YOU HONESTLY CARE
WHETHER WE WIN OR NOT.
YOU KNOW, MAN, I'VE PLAYED
WHETHER WE WIN OR NOT.
YOU KNOW, MAN, I'VE PLAYED
400 PROFESSIONAL GAMES.
YOU KNOW, MAN, I'VE PLAYED
400 PROFESSIONAL GAMES.
THESE DAYS, I HAVE TO KEEP
400 PROFESSIONAL GAMES.
THESE DAYS, I HAVE TO KEEP
CHECKING MY JERSEY TO SEE WHAT
THESE DAYS, I HAVE TO KEEP
CHECKING MY JERSEY TO SEE WHAT
TEAM I'M ON.
CHECKING MY JERSEY TO SEE WHAT
TEAM I'M ON.
YEAH, YOU GUYS FROM QUEBEC,
TEAM I'M ON.
YEAH, YOU GUYS FROM QUEBEC,
HUH?
YEAH, YOU GUYS FROM QUEBEC,
HUH?
THAT FRENCHMAN... WHOO, HE'S
HUH?
THAT FRENCHMAN... WHOO, HE'S
REALLY TOUGH.
THAT FRENCHMAN... WHOO, HE'S
REALLY TOUGH.
OH, NO, NO, NO, HIS BROTHERS
REALLY TOUGH.
OH, NO, NO, NO, HIS BROTHERS
ARE TOUGH.
OH, NO, NO, NO, HIS BROTHERS
ARE TOUGH.
WE PLAY FOR THE W.H.A., THE NHL.
ARE TOUGH.
WE PLAY FOR THE W.H.A., THE NHL.
HIS BROTHERS PLAY FOR THE FLQ.
WE PLAY FOR THE W.H.A., THE NHL.
HIS BROTHERS PLAY FOR THE FLQ.
THE FLQ?
HIS BROTHERS PLAY FOR THE FLQ.
THE FLQ?
WHAT LEAGUE IS THAT?
THE FLQ?
WHAT LEAGUE IS THAT?
FRONT DE LIBéRATION DE
WHAT LEAGUE IS THAT?
FRONT DE LIBéRATION DE
QUéBEC.
FRONT DE LIBéRATION DE
QUéBEC.
[SHOUTING]
QUéBEC.
[SHOUTING]
[WHISTLE BLOWING]
GOOD EVENING.
WELCOME TO CABLE-TV ACCESS
CHANNEL "D."
WELCOME TO CABLE-TV ACCESS
CHANNEL "D."
THIS IS "E. BUZZ MILLER'S
CHANNEL "D."
THIS IS "E. BUZZ MILLER'S
EXERCISE WORLD."
THIS IS "E. BUZZ MILLER'S
EXERCISE WORLD."
I'M YOUR HOST, E. BUZZ MILLER.
EXERCISE WORLD."
I'M YOUR HOST, E. BUZZ MILLER.
SITTING TO MY LEFT, OF COURSE,
I'M YOUR HOST, E. BUZZ MILLER.
SITTING TO MY LEFT, OF COURSE,
IS THE LOVELY
SITTING TO MY LEFT, OF COURSE,
IS THE LOVELY
CHRISTY CHRISTINA.
IS THE LOVELY
CHRISTY CHRISTINA.
AND, VIEWERS, SHE WILL BE
CHRISTY CHRISTINA.
AND, VIEWERS, SHE WILL BE
DANCING ALL THIS WEEK BACK AT
AND, VIEWERS, SHE WILL BE
DANCING ALL THIS WEEK BACK AT
THE COACHING POLE LOUNGE ON
DANCING ALL THIS WEEK BACK AT
THE COACHING POLE LOUNGE ON
ROUTE 6.
THE COACHING POLE LOUNGE ON
ROUTE 6.
SAY HI TO OUR VIEWERS, CHRISTY.
ROUTE 6.
SAY HI TO OUR VIEWERS, CHRISTY.
HI.
SAY HI TO OUR VIEWERS, CHRISTY.
HI.
[GIGGLES]
HI.
[GIGGLES]
OKAY, CHRISTY.
[GIGGLES]
OKAY, CHRISTY.
NOW, EVERYBODY KNOWS EXERCISE IS
OKAY, CHRISTY.
NOW, EVERYBODY KNOWS EXERCISE IS
GOOD FOR YOU.
NOW, EVERYBODY KNOWS EXERCISE IS
GOOD FOR YOU.
HELPS KEEP THE WEIGHT DOWN,
GOOD FOR YOU.
HELPS KEEP THE WEIGHT DOWN,
MUSCLES STRONGER, THE BLOOD
HELPS KEEP THE WEIGHT DOWN,
MUSCLES STRONGER, THE BLOOD
CIRCULATING... WE ALL KNOW THAT.
MUSCLES STRONGER, THE BLOOD
CIRCULATING... WE ALL KNOW THAT.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET STARTED.
CIRCULATING... WE ALL KNOW THAT.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET STARTED.
CHRISTY, GET DOWN ON THE FLOOR
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET STARTED.
CHRISTY, GET DOWN ON THE FLOOR
THERE.
CHRISTY, GET DOWN ON THE FLOOR
THERE.
OKAY.
THERE.
OKAY.
OKAY, CHRISTY.
OKAY.
OKAY, CHRISTY.
NOW STAND UP.
OKAY, CHRISTY.
NOW STAND UP.
I'M GONNA HAVE YOU DO SOMETHING
NOW STAND UP.
I'M GONNA HAVE YOU DO SOMETHING
FIRST.
I'M GONNA HAVE YOU DO SOMETHING
FIRST.
STAND UP.
FIRST.
STAND UP.
I WANT YOU TO DO SOME SQUATS.
STAND UP.
I WANT YOU TO DO SOME SQUATS.
OH, THAT.
I WANT YOU TO DO SOME SQUATS.
OH, THAT.
DO SOME SQUATS, OKAY,
OH, THAT.
DO SOME SQUATS, OKAY,
CHRISTY?
DO SOME SQUATS, OKAY,
CHRISTY?
THAT'S IT.
CHRISTY?
THAT'S IT.
THAT'S IT.
THAT'S IT.
THAT'S IT.
THIS EXERCISE IS GOOD FOR THE
THAT'S IT.
THIS EXERCISE IS GOOD FOR THE
QUADRICEPS AND THE HAMSTRINGS,
THIS EXERCISE IS GOOD FOR THE
QUADRICEPS AND THE HAMSTRINGS,
WHICH ARE BACK HERE.
QUADRICEPS AND THE HAMSTRINGS,
WHICH ARE BACK HERE.
NICE HAMSTRINGS, CHRISTY.
WHICH ARE BACK HERE.
NICE HAMSTRINGS, CHRISTY.
IS THAT FROM DANCING EVERY NIGHT
NICE HAMSTRINGS, CHRISTY.
IS THAT FROM DANCING EVERY NIGHT
OR WHAT?
IS THAT FROM DANCING EVERY NIGHT
OR WHAT?
I GUESS SO.
OR WHAT?
I GUESS SO.
[GIGGLES]
I GUESS SO.
[GIGGLES]
OKAY, NOW PUT YOUR FEET WIDER
[GIGGLES]
OKAY, NOW PUT YOUR FEET WIDER
APART AND DO IT FASTER.
OKAY, NOW PUT YOUR FEET WIDER
APART AND DO IT FASTER.
LIKE THIS?
APART AND DO IT FASTER.
LIKE THIS?
THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT.
LIKE THIS?
THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT.
A LITTLE FASTER... JUST A LITTLE
THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT.
A LITTLE FASTER... JUST A LITTLE
FASTER.
A LITTLE FASTER... JUST A LITTLE
FASTER.
I COULD DO THIS ALL DAY!
FASTER.
I COULD DO THIS ALL DAY!
WHAT'S THAT, CHRISTY?
I COULD DO THIS ALL DAY!
WHAT'S THAT, CHRISTY?
I COULD DO IT ALL DAY.
WHAT'S THAT, CHRISTY?
I COULD DO IT ALL DAY.
I BET YOU COULD, CHRISTY.
I COULD DO IT ALL DAY.
I BET YOU COULD, CHRISTY.
OKAY, WE'VE GOT SOME MORE
I BET YOU COULD, CHRISTY.
OKAY, WE'VE GOT SOME MORE
EXERCISES FOR YOU TO DO.
OKAY, WE'VE GOT SOME MORE
EXERCISES FOR YOU TO DO.
GET DOWN ON THE FLOOR THERE.
OKAY, WE'RE GONNA DO SOME LEG
LIFTS.
OKAY, LIFT YOUR LEGS UP.
SPREAD THEM OUT A LITTLE.
WIDEN THEM OUT EVERY TIME YOU
COME UP.
THAT'S IT, LIKE THAT.
REMEMBER, EVERYBODY, THESE ARE
EASY EXERCISES.
YOU DON'T NEED ANY SPECIAL
EQUIPMENT UNLESS YOU WANT.
CHRISTY, CAN YOU THINK OF ANY
SPECIAL EQUIPMENT THAT MIGHT
MAKE THIS EXERCISE A LITTLE MORE
INTERESTING?
NOT RIGHT NOW.
WELL, YOU LET ME KNOW IF YOU
DO.
[CHUCKLES]
OKAY, WIDER, CHRISTY, WIDER.
ROLL OVER ON YOUR SIDE.
THAT'S IT.
NOW, THIS IS GOOD FOR THE
ABDOMINAL MUSCLES, YOUR OUTER
THIGH, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, THE
GRACILIS MUSCLE, OR INNER THIGH.
CAN I LET MY LEG DOWN?
BETTER LET ME GET MY HAND OUT
OF THERE FIRST, CHRISTY.
[GIGGLES]
WORKING UP A LITTLE SWEAT
THERE, CHRISTY?
YES.
OKAY, LET'S MOVE ON TO
SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
CHRISTY CAME IN.
SHE'S GOT A SPECIAL EXERCISE SHE
JUST LEARNED, RIGHT?
THAT'S RIGHT.
I DEVELOPED IT MYSELF.
OKAY, LET'S SEE IT, CHRISTY.
[LAUGHS]
THIS IS ONE EVERY BROAD SHOULD
KNOW.
OKAY, FOR THIS NEXT EXERCISE,
ALL YOU NEED IS AN ORDINARY
STRAIGHT-BACKED CHAIR LIKE THIS
KITCHEN CHAIR I BROUGHT IN MY
STATION WAGON.
OKAY, CHRISTY.
NOW BEND OVER THE CHAIR LIKE
THAT, AND LIFT THE CHAIR.
NOW BEND OVER THE CHAIR LIKE
THAT, AND LIFT THE CHAIR.
YOU SEE HOW HARD THAT IS?
THAT, AND LIFT THE CHAIR.
YOU SEE HOW HARD THAT IS?
YOU KNOW WHY?
YOU SEE HOW HARD THAT IS?
YOU KNOW WHY?
'CAUSE IT'S PULLING ON YOUR
YOU KNOW WHY?
'CAUSE IT'S PULLING ON YOUR
BICEPS, YOUR TRICEPS, LEVATOR
'CAUSE IT'S PULLING ON YOUR
BICEPS, YOUR TRICEPS, LEVATOR
SCAPULAE MUSCLES, AND ESPECIALLY
BICEPS, YOUR TRICEPS, LEVATOR
SCAPULAE MUSCLES, AND ESPECIALLY
YOUR PECTORAL MUSCLES RIGHT
SCAPULAE MUSCLES, AND ESPECIALLY
YOUR PECTORAL MUSCLES RIGHT
HERE.
YOUR PECTORAL MUSCLES RIGHT
HERE.
LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE BEEN DOING A
HERE.
LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE BEEN DOING A
LOT OF THESE, CHRISTY.
LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE BEEN DOING A
LOT OF THESE, CHRISTY.
WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
LOT OF THESE, CHRISTY.
WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
THIS REMIND YOU OF ANYTHING,
WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
THIS REMIND YOU OF ANYTHING,
CHRISTY?
THIS REMIND YOU OF ANYTHING,
CHRISTY?
NO.
CHRISTY?
NO.
I'LL BET YOU DON'T.
NO.
I'LL BET YOU DON'T.
OKAY, VIEWERS.
I'LL BET YOU DON'T.
OKAY, VIEWERS.
I'M GONNA LET CHRISTY TAKE A
OKAY, VIEWERS.
I'M GONNA LET CHRISTY TAKE A
LITTLE BREAK.
I'M GONNA LET CHRISTY TAKE A
LITTLE BREAK.
I'M GOING TO CLOSE THE SHOW WITH
LITTLE BREAK.
I'M GOING TO CLOSE THE SHOW WITH
SOME SIMPLE PUSHUPS, AND, OF
I'M GOING TO CLOSE THE SHOW WITH
SOME SIMPLE PUSHUPS, AND, OF
COURSE, MYSELF, E. BUZZ, WILL BE
SOME SIMPLE PUSHUPS, AND, OF
COURSE, MYSELF, E. BUZZ, WILL BE
DOING THESE PUSH-UPS.
COURSE, MYSELF, E. BUZZ, WILL BE
DOING THESE PUSH-UPS.
THEY'RE FINGERTIP PUSH-UPS, AND
DOING THESE PUSH-UPS.
THEY'RE FINGERTIP PUSH-UPS, AND
THEY GO LIKE THIS.
THEY'RE FINGERTIP PUSH-UPS, AND
THEY GO LIKE THIS.
CHRISTY, YOU WANT TO COME UNDER
THEY GO LIKE THIS.
CHRISTY, YOU WANT TO COME UNDER
HERE AND HELP ME?
CHRISTY, YOU WANT TO COME UNDER
HERE AND HELP ME?
I DON'T THINK SO.
HERE AND HELP ME?
I DON'T THINK SO.
WELL, MAYBE A LITTLE LATER.
I DON'T THINK SO.
WELL, MAYBE A LITTLE LATER.
THIS IS E. BUZZ MILLER SAYING
WELL, MAYBE A LITTLE LATER.
THIS IS E. BUZZ MILLER SAYING
SO LONG, VIEWERS.
THIS IS E. BUZZ MILLER SAYING
SO LONG, VIEWERS.
REMEMBER, IT'S IMPORTANT TO STAY
SO LONG, VIEWERS.
REMEMBER, IT'S IMPORTANT TO STAY
IN SHAPE... ESPECIALLY YOU
REMEMBER, IT'S IMPORTANT TO STAY
IN SHAPE... ESPECIALLY YOU
BROADS.
ONCE AGAIN, HERE'S
KEITH JARRETT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
KEITH JARRETT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[PIANO PLAYS MID-TEMPO MUSIC]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[HORNS HONKING]
GILDA!
GILDA, GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA, GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA, GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA!
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
CIAO, MY DARLINGS!
ELLA.
ELLA.
GILDA, BLOW ME A KISS!
ELLA.
GILDA, BLOW ME A KISS!
I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN!
GILDA, BLOW ME A KISS!
I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN!
CIAO, MARCELLO.
I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN!
CIAO, MARCELLO.
STILL SLEEPING WITH GILDA, EH?
CIAO, MARCELLO.
STILL SLEEPING WITH GILDA, EH?
OH, GOD, THIS PLACE IS FULL
STILL SLEEPING WITH GILDA, EH?
OH, GOD, THIS PLACE IS FULL
OF TELEVISION PEOPLE.
OH, GOD, THIS PLACE IS FULL
OF TELEVISION PEOPLE.
PIETRO!
OF TELEVISION PEOPLE.
PIETRO!
CHAMPAGNE AND CAVIAR.
PIETRO!
CHAMPAGNE AND CAVIAR.
I'M DYING OF THIRST.
CHAMPAGNE AND CAVIAR.
I'M DYING OF THIRST.
THE EARLY FITZGERALD WAS
I'M DYING OF THIRST.
THE EARLY FITZGERALD WAS
GOOD.
THE EARLY FITZGERALD WAS
GOOD.
BUT THEN CAME AN ORGY OF BRUTAL
GOOD.
BUT THEN CAME AN ORGY OF BRUTAL
REALISM.
BUT THEN CAME AN ORGY OF BRUTAL
REALISM.
I NEVER WATCH TELEVISION.
REALISM.
I NEVER WATCH TELEVISION.
NEVER.
I NEVER WATCH TELEVISION.
NEVER.
I DON'T EVEN OWN A TOASTER.
NEVER.
I DON'T EVEN OWN A TOASTER.
ELECTRICITY... EVIL.
I DON'T EVEN OWN A TOASTER.
ELECTRICITY... EVIL.
IT KILLS THE CREATIVE MICROBES.
ELECTRICITY... EVIL.
IT KILLS THE CREATIVE MICROBES.
OH, GILDA, DON'T YOU FIND
IT KILLS THE CREATIVE MICROBES.
OH, GILDA, DON'T YOU FIND
THESE PEOPLE BORING AND STUPID?
OH, GILDA, DON'T YOU FIND
THESE PEOPLE BORING AND STUPID?
LET US GO TO THE COLISEUM AND
THESE PEOPLE BORING AND STUPID?
LET US GO TO THE COLISEUM AND
MAKE LOVE.
LET US GO TO THE COLISEUM AND
MAKE LOVE.
IT IS ALMOST DAWN.
MAKE LOVE.
IT IS ALMOST DAWN.
DON'T LEAVE ME, MARCELLO.
IT IS ALMOST DAWN.
DON'T LEAVE ME, MARCELLO.
DON'T GO.
DON'T LEAVE ME, MARCELLO.
DON'T GO.
I MUST RIDE THIS ENCHANTING
DON'T GO.
I MUST RIDE THIS ENCHANTING
TIGRESS.
I MUST RIDE THIS ENCHANTING
TIGRESS.
[LAUGHS]
TIGRESS.
[LAUGHS]
STAY DOWN WHILE I RIDE YOU.
[LAUGHS]
STAY DOWN WHILE I RIDE YOU.
[GROWLING]
STAY DOWN WHILE I RIDE YOU.
[GROWLING]
SHOW THESE BORING PEOPLE HOW
[GROWLING]
SHOW THESE BORING PEOPLE HOW
TO HAVE FUN.
SHOW THESE BORING PEOPLE HOW
TO HAVE FUN.
TALK AND KISSES, THEN TO
TO HAVE FUN.
TALK AND KISSES, THEN TO
SLEEP.
TALK AND KISSES, THEN TO
SLEEP.
THAT'S HIS SPEED...
SLEEP.
THAT'S HIS SPEED...
FORGET ABOUT IT.
THAT'S HIS SPEED...
FORGET ABOUT IT.
JUST LIKE A LITTLE HORSE OR
FORGET ABOUT IT.
JUST LIKE A LITTLE HORSE OR
A DONKEY.
JUST LIKE A LITTLE HORSE OR
A DONKEY.
FASTER, FASTER.
A DONKEY.
FASTER, FASTER.
YIPPEE!
FASTER, FASTER.
YIPPEE!
CALIFORNIA! CALIFORNIA?
YIPPEE!
CALIFORNIA! CALIFORNIA?
YOU GOT THE COKE, YOU GOT THE
CALIFORNIA! CALIFORNIA?
YOU GOT THE COKE, YOU GOT THE
CARS, YOU GOT THE QUAALUDES, YOU
YOU GOT THE COKE, YOU GOT THE
CARS, YOU GOT THE QUAALUDES, YOU
GOT THE...
CARS, YOU GOT THE QUAALUDES, YOU
GOT THE...
SLEEP.
GOT THE...
SLEEP.
MUST BE A LEO.
SLEEP.
MUST BE A LEO.
I KNOW I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH.
MUST BE A LEO.
I KNOW I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH.
I KISS YOU, I NEED YOU.
I KNOW I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH.
I KISS YOU, I NEED YOU.
GILDA, GILDA, MY BRIGHT
I KISS YOU, I NEED YOU.
GILDA, GILDA, MY BRIGHT
CHILD.
GILDA, GILDA, MY BRIGHT
CHILD.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER ME?
CHILD.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER ME?
FASTER, FASTER, YES, YES,
DON'T YOU REMEMBER ME?
FASTER, FASTER, YES, YES,
YES.
FASTER, FASTER, YES, YES,
YES.
MANGIA, MANGIA, EAT
YES.
MANGIA, MANGIA, EAT
SOMETHING.
MANGIA, MANGIA, EAT
SOMETHING.
I'M NOT HUNGRY, I'M NOT
SOMETHING.
I'M NOT HUNGRY, I'M NOT
HUNGRY!
I'M NOT HUNGRY, I'M NOT
HUNGRY!
All: GILDA!
HUNGRY!
All: GILDA!
GILDA!
All: GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA!
GILDA!
[SCREAMS]
GILDA!
[SCREAMS]
LEAVE ME ALONE!
YOU'RE STILL FOLLOWING ME?
STOP! LEAVE ME ALONE!
I'M JUST TEASING.
COME HERE.
COME... CLOSER.
COME HERE.
COME... CLOSER.
YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU, MY LITTLE
COME... CLOSER.
YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU, MY LITTLE
MONKEYS.
YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU, MY LITTLE
MONKEYS.
BUT LEAVE ME MY DREAMS.
MONKEYS.
BUT LEAVE ME MY DREAMS.
DREAMS ARE LIKE PAPER... THEY
BUT LEAVE ME MY DREAMS.
DREAMS ARE LIKE PAPER... THEY
TEAR SO EASILY.
DREAMS ARE LIKE PAPER... THEY
TEAR SO EASILY.
BUT I LOVE TO PLAY.
TEAR SO EASILY.
BUT I LOVE TO PLAY.
BUT EVERY TIME I PLAY, YOU WIN.
BUT I LOVE TO PLAY.
BUT EVERY TIME I PLAY, YOU WIN.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
BUT EVERY TIME I PLAY, YOU WIN.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
CIAO.
THE MAGNA CONCORD HOVERCRAFT
SYSTEMS GROUP PRESENTS
"ARCHAROLOGICUS" WITH YOUR HOST,
SYSTEMS GROUP PRESENTS
"ARCHAROLOGICUS" WITH YOUR HOST,
TINA GEMINI.
"ARCHAROLOGICUS" WITH YOUR HOST,
TINA GEMINI.
GOOD EVENING.
TINA GEMINI.
GOOD EVENING.
I'M TINA GEMINI.
GOOD EVENING.
I'M TINA GEMINI.
ON APRIL 12, 1962, A GROUP OF
I'M TINA GEMINI.
ON APRIL 12, 1962, A GROUP OF
EXPLORERS WORKING IN THE
ON APRIL 12, 1962, A GROUP OF
EXPLORERS WORKING IN THE
BLISTERING DESERT HEAT IN A
EXPLORERS WORKING IN THE
BLISTERING DESERT HEAT IN A
SMALL COMMUNITY NEAR
BLISTERING DESERT HEAT IN A
SMALL COMMUNITY NEAR
PALM SPRINGS ENTERED THIS LONG
SMALL COMMUNITY NEAR
PALM SPRINGS ENTERED THIS LONG
CORRIDOR.
PALM SPRINGS ENTERED THIS LONG
CORRIDOR.
EXACTLY 50 PACES AWAY, THEY
CORRIDOR.
EXACTLY 50 PACES AWAY, THEY
BROKE INTO A SEALED OPENING TO
EXACTLY 50 PACES AWAY, THEY
BROKE INTO A SEALED OPENING TO
THIS CHAMBER WITHIN.
BROKE INTO A SEALED OPENING TO
THIS CHAMBER WITHIN.
THEY BEHELD SOME OF THE MOST
THIS CHAMBER WITHIN.
THEY BEHELD SOME OF THE MOST
SPLENDID EXAMPLES OF FUNERARY
THEY BEHELD SOME OF THE MOST
SPLENDID EXAMPLES OF FUNERARY
RICHES KNOWN TO MANKIND... THE
SPLENDID EXAMPLES OF FUNERARY
RICHES KNOWN TO MANKIND... THE
RELICS OF AN AGE GONE BY,
RICHES KNOWN TO MANKIND... THE
RELICS OF AN AGE GONE BY,
PERFECTLY PRESERVED FOR US
RELICS OF AN AGE GONE BY,
PERFECTLY PRESERVED FOR US
TODAY.
JOIN ME AS WE DISCOVER TOGETHER
THE TREASURES OF MORTON KAMEN.
AT THE MOMENT OF MORTON KAMEN'S
DEATH, THE AIR CONDITIONING IN
THE SEALED CHAMBER WAS SET SO
DEATH, THE AIR CONDITIONING IN
THE SEALED CHAMBER WAS SET SO
LOW THAT EVERYTHING, INCLUDING
THE SEALED CHAMBER WAS SET SO
LOW THAT EVERYTHING, INCLUDING
HIS WIFE, SHIRLEY, HAS BEEN
LOW THAT EVERYTHING, INCLUDING
HIS WIFE, SHIRLEY, HAS BEEN
PERFECTLY PRESERVED.
HIS WIFE, SHIRLEY, HAS BEEN
PERFECTLY PRESERVED.
ALL WE KNOW ABOUT MORTON KAMEN
PERFECTLY PRESERVED.
ALL WE KNOW ABOUT MORTON KAMEN
IS THAT HE WAS AN INCREDIBLY
ALL WE KNOW ABOUT MORTON KAMEN
IS THAT HE WAS AN INCREDIBLY
RICH MAN WHO SURROUNDED HIMSELF
IS THAT HE WAS AN INCREDIBLY
RICH MAN WHO SURROUNDED HIMSELF
WITH THE SPOILS OF HIS
RICH MAN WHO SURROUNDED HIMSELF
WITH THE SPOILS OF HIS
CIVILIZATION.
WITH THE SPOILS OF HIS
CIVILIZATION.
POWERFUL AMULETS PROTECTED HIS
CIVILIZATION.
POWERFUL AMULETS PROTECTED HIS
FEET WHILE POTENT ANIMAL
POWERFUL AMULETS PROTECTED HIS
FEET WHILE POTENT ANIMAL
SYMBOLS, LIKE THE HOLY
FEET WHILE POTENT ANIMAL
SYMBOLS, LIKE THE HOLY
ALLIGATOR, WERE USED TO PROTECT
SYMBOLS, LIKE THE HOLY
ALLIGATOR, WERE USED TO PROTECT
HIS LIFE.
ALLIGATOR, WERE USED TO PROTECT
HIS LIFE.
HE HAD LITERALLY HUNDREDS OF
HIS LIFE.
HE HAD LITERALLY HUNDREDS OF
TUNICS LIKE THIS IN VIRTUALLY
HE HAD LITERALLY HUNDREDS OF
TUNICS LIKE THIS IN VIRTUALLY
EVERY COLOR OF THE RAINBOW.
TUNICS LIKE THIS IN VIRTUALLY
EVERY COLOR OF THE RAINBOW.
THE SACRIFICIAL FEASTS WERE
EVERY COLOR OF THE RAINBOW.
THE SACRIFICIAL FEASTS WERE
PREPARED IN THIS VESSEL, AND
THE SACRIFICIAL FEASTS WERE
PREPARED IN THIS VESSEL, AND
MIRACULOUSLY, THE REMAINS OF A
PREPARED IN THIS VESSEL, AND
MIRACULOUSLY, THE REMAINS OF A
FRESH-WATER TUNA FISH AND NOODLE
MIRACULOUSLY, THE REMAINS OF A
FRESH-WATER TUNA FISH AND NOODLE
OFFERING ARE AS FRESH TODAY AS
FRESH-WATER TUNA FISH AND NOODLE
OFFERING ARE AS FRESH TODAY AS
THE DAY IT WAS PREPARED.
OFFERING ARE AS FRESH TODAY AS
THE DAY IT WAS PREPARED.
AND HERE, THE MOST EXCITING OF
THE DAY IT WAS PREPARED.
AND HERE, THE MOST EXCITING OF
THE RICHES IS THE FAMOUS GOLDEN
AND HERE, THE MOST EXCITING OF
THE RICHES IS THE FAMOUS GOLDEN
CHARIOT OF MORTON KAMEN, USED,
THE RICHES IS THE FAMOUS GOLDEN
CHARIOT OF MORTON KAMEN, USED,
WE BELIEVE, IN AN ANCIENT RITUAL
CHARIOT OF MORTON KAMEN, USED,
WE BELIEVE, IN AN ANCIENT RITUAL
UTILIZING LONG STICKS TO BAT
WE BELIEVE, IN AN ANCIENT RITUAL
UTILIZING LONG STICKS TO BAT
TINY BALLS INTO HOLES IN THE
UTILIZING LONG STICKS TO BAT
TINY BALLS INTO HOLES IN THE
GROUND FOR PUBLIC ADULATION.
TINY BALLS INTO HOLES IN THE
GROUND FOR PUBLIC ADULATION.
ANOTHER FIND WAS THIS PRIMITIVE
GROUND FOR PUBLIC ADULATION.
ANOTHER FIND WAS THIS PRIMITIVE
RECORDING DEVICE, WHICH ENABLES
ANOTHER FIND WAS THIS PRIMITIVE
RECORDING DEVICE, WHICH ENABLES
US TO ACTUALLY HEAR
RECORDING DEVICE, WHICH ENABLES
US TO ACTUALLY HEAR
MORTON KAMEN'S VOICE AND THIS
US TO ACTUALLY HEAR
MORTON KAMEN'S VOICE AND THIS
STRANGE MESSAGE.
MORTON KAMEN'S VOICE AND THIS
STRANGE MESSAGE.
Hello!
STRANGE MESSAGE.
Hello!
Morton and Shirley are out right
Hello!
Morton and Shirley are out right
now, but we'll be good to get
Morton and Shirley are out right
now, but we'll be good to get
back if you leave your name and
now, but we'll be good to get
back if you leave your name and
number after the beep tone.
Back if you leave your name and
number after the beep tone.
Have a nice day.
Number after the beep tone.
Have a nice day.
[Beep]
Have a nice day.
[Beep]
DID THAT BEEP FREQUENCY
[Beep]
DID THAT BEEP FREQUENCY
BRAINWASH CALLERS INTO OBEDIENCE
DID THAT BEEP FREQUENCY
BRAINWASH CALLERS INTO OBEDIENCE
TO MORTON KAMEN?
BRAINWASH CALLERS INTO OBEDIENCE
TO MORTON KAMEN?
YOU CAN SEE THAT PEOPLE WERE
TO MORTON KAMEN?
YOU CAN SEE THAT PEOPLE WERE
TREATED AS SLAVES WITH NUMBERS
YOU CAN SEE THAT PEOPLE WERE
TREATED AS SLAVES WITH NUMBERS
INSTEAD OF NAMES, BUT PERHAPS
TREATED AS SLAVES WITH NUMBERS
INSTEAD OF NAMES, BUT PERHAPS
THE MOST ENIGMATIC FIND IN
INSTEAD OF NAMES, BUT PERHAPS
THE MOST ENIGMATIC FIND IN
MORTON KAMEN'S TOMB IS THIS PAIR
THE MOST ENIGMATIC FIND IN
MORTON KAMEN'S TOMB IS THIS PAIR
OF ZIPPERED RUBBER UNDERPANTS.
MORTON KAMEN'S TOMB IS THIS PAIR
OF ZIPPERED RUBBER UNDERPANTS.
THEY WERE FOUND HIDDEN IN A
OF ZIPPERED RUBBER UNDERPANTS.
THEY WERE FOUND HIDDEN IN A
COMPARTMENT NEAR THE WATER
THEY WERE FOUND HIDDEN IN A
COMPARTMENT NEAR THE WATER
CHAMBER.
COMPARTMENT NEAR THE WATER
CHAMBER.
ATTACHED TO THEM WAS THE STRANGE
CHAMBER.
ATTACHED TO THEM WAS THE STRANGE
CURSE OF MORTON KAMEN.
ATTACHED TO THEM WAS THE STRANGE
CURSE OF MORTON KAMEN.
"SALE OF THIS NOVELTY ITEM TO
CURSE OF MORTON KAMEN.
"SALE OF THIS NOVELTY ITEM TO
MINORS IS FORBIDDEN BY LAW."
"SALE OF THIS NOVELTY ITEM TO
MINORS IS FORBIDDEN BY LAW."
UNTIL WE FULLY DISCOVER THE
MINORS IS FORBIDDEN BY LAW."
UNTIL WE FULLY DISCOVER THE
SIGNIFICANCE OF RUBBER
UNTIL WE FULLY DISCOVER THE
SIGNIFICANCE OF RUBBER
UNDERWEAR, THIS ADMONITION WILL
SIGNIFICANCE OF RUBBER
UNDERWEAR, THIS ADMONITION WILL
REMAIN AS MUCH A MYSTERY AS WHY
UNDERWEAR, THIS ADMONITION WILL
REMAIN AS MUCH A MYSTERY AS WHY
MORTON KAMEN AND HIS WIFE,
REMAIN AS MUCH A MYSTERY AS WHY
MORTON KAMEN AND HIS WIFE,
SHIRLEY, WERE PRESERVED TO BEGIN
MORTON KAMEN AND HIS WIFE,
SHIRLEY, WERE PRESERVED TO BEGIN
WITH.
SHIRLEY, WERE PRESERVED TO BEGIN
WITH.
UNTIL THEN, I BID YOU A GOOD
WITH.
UNTIL THEN, I BID YOU A GOOD
NIGHT.
HOWARD JOHNSON IS A MEMBER OF
THE "SATURDAY NIGHT" BAND.
HE'S HERE TONIGHT WITH HIS OWN
THE "SATURDAY NIGHT" BAND.
HE'S HERE TONIGHT WITH HIS OWN
BAND.
HE'S HERE TONIGHT WITH HIS OWN
BAND.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, GRAVITY.
BAND.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, GRAVITY.
[MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]
[TEMPO INCREASES]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WELL, THAT'S IT FOR THIS
EVENING.
IT WASN'T SUCH A BAD BOOTH DAY,
EVENING.
IT WASN'T SUCH A BAD BOOTH DAY,
WAS IT?
IT WASN'T SUCH A BAD BOOTH DAY,
WAS IT?
[APPLAUSE]
WAS IT?
[APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
[APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
I'D LIKE TO THANK
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
I'D LIKE TO THANK
MR. KEITH JARRETT.
I'D LIKE TO THANK
MR. KEITH JARRETT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
MR. KEITH JARRETT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HOWARD JOHNSON AND THE GROUP
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HOWARD JOHNSON AND THE GROUP
GRAVITY!
HOWARD JOHNSON AND THE GROUP
GRAVITY!
ALL RIGHT!
GRAVITY!
ALL RIGHT!
THE PEOPLE WHO HELPED ME THROUGH
ALL RIGHT!
THE PEOPLE WHO HELPED ME THROUGH
ALL THIS... THE
THE PEOPLE WHO HELPED ME THROUGH
ALL THIS... THE
NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME
ALL THIS... THE
NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME
PLAYERS.
NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME
PLAYERS.
COME ON IN, GUYS.
PLAYERS.
COME ON IN, GUYS.
MR. LORNE MICHAELS.
Announcer: NEXT SATURDAY
NIGHT, OUR HOST WILL BE
STEVE MARTIN, WITH MUSICAL
GUEST THE BLUES BROTHERS.
THIS IS DON PARDO, HIS MOUTH,
AND HIS MICROPHONE.
GOOD NIGHT.