Saturday Night Live (1975–…): Season 3, Episode 12 - O.J. Simpson/Ashford & Simpson - full transcript

Announcer: WILL NOT BE
SEEN TONIGHT SO THAT NBC MAY
PRESENT THE FOLLOWING SPECIAL

SEEN TONIGHT SO THAT NBC MAY
PRESENT THE FOLLOWING SPECIAL
PROGRAM.

HI, I'M GILDA RADNER.
AND, UH... OKAY, NOW.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU.
THANKS.
TONIGHT...

THANKS.
TONIGHT...
TONIGHT WE THOUGHT WE'D START

TONIGHT...
TONIGHT WE THOUGHT WE'D START
OFF WITH SOMETHING A LITTLE

TONIGHT WE THOUGHT WE'D START
OFF WITH SOMETHING A LITTLE
DIFFERENT.

OFF WITH SOMETHING A LITTLE
DIFFERENT.
BEFORE THE SHOW, WE HANDED OUT

DIFFERENT.
BEFORE THE SHOW, WE HANDED OUT
SOME CARDS FOR THE AUDIENCE TO

BEFORE THE SHOW, WE HANDED OUT
SOME CARDS FOR THE AUDIENCE TO
WRITE DOWN QUESTIONS, AND I'M

SOME CARDS FOR THE AUDIENCE TO
WRITE DOWN QUESTIONS, AND I'M
GONNA DO THE BEST I CAN TO



WRITE DOWN QUESTIONS, AND I'M
GONNA DO THE BEST I CAN TO
ANSWER THEM OFF THE TOP OF MY

GONNA DO THE BEST I CAN TO
ANSWER THEM OFF THE TOP OF MY
HEAD, OKAY?

ANSWER THEM OFF THE TOP OF MY
HEAD, OKAY?
ALL RIGHT, THE FIRST QUESTION

HEAD, OKAY?
ALL RIGHT, THE FIRST QUESTION
IS FROM KEVIN LIEBERMAN FROM

ALL RIGHT, THE FIRST QUESTION
IS FROM KEVIN LIEBERMAN FROM
MINEOLA, NEW YORK, AND KEVIN

IS FROM KEVIN LIEBERMAN FROM
MINEOLA, NEW YORK, AND KEVIN
ASKS, "DO YOU EVER HAVE TROUBLE

MINEOLA, NEW YORK, AND KEVIN
ASKS, "DO YOU EVER HAVE TROUBLE
COMING UP WITH AN OPENING FOR

ASKS, "DO YOU EVER HAVE TROUBLE
COMING UP WITH AN OPENING FOR
THE SHOW?"

COMING UP WITH AN OPENING FOR
THE SHOW?"
WELL, YES, KEVIN.

THE SHOW?"
WELL, YES, KEVIN.
COINCIDENTALLY, WE HAD A GREAT

WELL, YES, KEVIN.
COINCIDENTALLY, WE HAD A GREAT
DEAL OF DIFFICULTY THIS VERY

COINCIDENTALLY, WE HAD A GREAT
DEAL OF DIFFICULTY THIS VERY
WEEK.

DEAL OF DIFFICULTY THIS VERY
WEEK.
THE NEXT QUESTION IS FROM

WEEK.
THE NEXT QUESTION IS FROM
KEVIN WOOD, WHO ASKS, "IN THE



THE NEXT QUESTION IS FROM
KEVIN WOOD, WHO ASKS, "IN THE
EVENT THAT YOU HAVE DIFFICULTY

KEVIN WOOD, WHO ASKS, "IN THE
EVENT THAT YOU HAVE DIFFICULTY
COMING UP WITH AN OPENING TO THE

EVENT THAT YOU HAVE DIFFICULTY
COMING UP WITH AN OPENING TO THE
SHOW, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?"

COMING UP WITH AN OPENING TO THE
SHOW, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?"
WELL, KEVIN, WHENEVER THIS

SHOW, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?"
WELL, KEVIN, WHENEVER THIS
HAPPENS... AND THIS IS THE FIRST

WELL, KEVIN, WHENEVER THIS
HAPPENS... AND THIS IS THE FIRST
TIME... WE HAND OUT CARDS TO THE

HAPPENS... AND THIS IS THE FIRST
TIME... WE HAND OUT CARDS TO THE
AUDIENCE SO THEY CAN ASK

TIME... WE HAND OUT CARDS TO THE
AUDIENCE SO THEY CAN ASK
QUESTIONS, AND THEN I ANSWER

AUDIENCE SO THEY CAN ASK
QUESTIONS, AND THEN I ANSWER
THEM OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD.

QUESTIONS, AND THEN I ANSWER
THEM OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD.
OKAY.

THEM OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD.
OKAY.
THE NEXT QUESTION IS FROM

OKAY.
THE NEXT QUESTION IS FROM
KEVIN KRAK OF BROOKLYN, AND

THE NEXT QUESTION IS FROM
KEVIN KRAK OF BROOKLYN, AND
KEVIN ASKS, "ARE THESE QUESTIONS

KEVIN KRAK OF BROOKLYN, AND
KEVIN ASKS, "ARE THESE QUESTIONS
REALLY WRITTEN BY US, THE

KEVIN ASKS, "ARE THESE QUESTIONS
REALLY WRITTEN BY US, THE
AUDIENCE, OR ARE THEY WRITTEN BY

REALLY WRITTEN BY US, THE
AUDIENCE, OR ARE THEY WRITTEN BY
THE WRITERS?"

AUDIENCE, OR ARE THEY WRITTEN BY
THE WRITERS?"
KEVIN, I HOPE YOU'RE NOT

THE WRITERS?"
KEVIN, I HOPE YOU'RE NOT
DISAPPOINTED, BUT THE WRITERS

KEVIN, I HOPE YOU'RE NOT
DISAPPOINTED, BUT THE WRITERS
WROTE THE QUESTIONS.

DISAPPOINTED, BUT THE WRITERS
WROTE THE QUESTIONS.
OKAY?

WROTE THE QUESTIONS.
OKAY?
OH, AND THIS ONE IS FROM SOMEONE

OKAY?
OH, AND THIS ONE IS FROM SOMEONE
WHO SIGNS HIS NAME JUST "KEVIN."

OH, AND THIS ONE IS FROM SOMEONE
WHO SIGNS HIS NAME JUST "KEVIN."
WHERE ARE YOU SITTING, KEVIN?

WHO SIGNS HIS NAME JUST "KEVIN."
WHERE ARE YOU SITTING, KEVIN?
WHERE ARE YOU?

WHERE ARE YOU SITTING, KEVIN?
WHERE ARE YOU?
THANK YOU, ALL RIGHT.

WHERE ARE YOU?
THANK YOU, ALL RIGHT.
AND KEVIN SAYS, "GILDA, SETTLE A

THANK YOU, ALL RIGHT.
AND KEVIN SAYS, "GILDA, SETTLE A
BET.

AND KEVIN SAYS, "GILDA, SETTLE A
BET.
MY WIFE, KEVIN, SAYS YOU ALWAYS

BET.
MY WIFE, KEVIN, SAYS YOU ALWAYS
START THE SHOW WITH THE WORDS

MY WIFE, KEVIN, SAYS YOU ALWAYS
START THE SHOW WITH THE WORDS
'GIVE ME ALL YOUR HOT MONKEY

START THE SHOW WITH THE WORDS
'GIVE ME ALL YOUR HOT MONKEY
LOVE, ' AND I SAY SHE'S WRONG."

'GIVE ME ALL YOUR HOT MONKEY
LOVE, ' AND I SAY SHE'S WRONG."
WELL, KEVIN, YOUR WIFE, KEVIN,

LOVE, ' AND I SAY SHE'S WRONG."
WELL, KEVIN, YOUR WIFE, KEVIN,
IS WRONG.

WELL, KEVIN, YOUR WIFE, KEVIN,
IS WRONG.
NO MATTER WHAT THE OPENING, NO

IS WRONG.
NO MATTER WHAT THE OPENING, NO
MATTER HOW ILL-CONCEIVED, HOW

NO MATTER WHAT THE OPENING, NO
MATTER HOW ILL-CONCEIVED, HOW
UNPREPARED WE ARE, WE ALWAYS

MATTER HOW ILL-CONCEIVED, HOW
UNPREPARED WE ARE, WE ALWAYS
START THE SHOW WITH "LIVE FROM

UNPREPARED WE ARE, WE ALWAYS
START THE SHOW WITH "LIVE FROM
NEW YORK, IT'S 'SATURDAY

START THE SHOW WITH "LIVE FROM
NEW YORK, IT'S 'SATURDAY
NIGHT'!"

NEW YORK, IT'S 'SATURDAY
NIGHT'!"
[BAND PLAYS]

Announcer: LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, O.J. SIMPSON!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AH, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO EXCUSE ME

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO EXCUSE ME
IF I APPEAR A LITTLE NERVOUS

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO EXCUSE ME
IF I APPEAR A LITTLE NERVOUS
THIS EVENING, BUT THIS IS A BIG

IF I APPEAR A LITTLE NERVOUS
THIS EVENING, BUT THIS IS A BIG
MOMENT FOR ME.

THIS EVENING, BUT THIS IS A BIG
MOMENT FOR ME.
I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW LONG IT'S

MOMENT FOR ME.
I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW LONG IT'S
BEEN THAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO

I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW LONG IT'S
BEEN THAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO
HOST "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE."

BEEN THAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO
HOST "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE."
SO I MAY APPEAR A LITTLE

HOST "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE."
SO I MAY APPEAR A LITTLE
STRANGE, A LITTLE NERVOUS

SO I MAY APPEAR A LITTLE
STRANGE, A LITTLE NERVOUS
TONIGHT, BUT IT'S FUNNY.

STRANGE, A LITTLE NERVOUS
TONIGHT, BUT IT'S FUNNY.
ALL MY LIFE, EVERYTHING I'VE

TONIGHT, BUT IT'S FUNNY.
ALL MY LIFE, EVERYTHING I'VE
EVER REALLY WANTED, I'VE BEEN

ALL MY LIFE, EVERYTHING I'VE
EVER REALLY WANTED, I'VE BEEN
ABLE TO GET.

EVER REALLY WANTED, I'VE BEEN
ABLE TO GET.
I CAN REMEMBER WHEN I WAS A KID,

ABLE TO GET.
I CAN REMEMBER WHEN I WAS A KID,
GROWING UP IN SAN FRANCISCO...

I CAN REMEMBER WHEN I WAS A KID,
GROWING UP IN SAN FRANCISCO...
[PIANO PLAYS]

GROWING UP IN SAN FRANCISCO...
[PIANO PLAYS]
I WANTED TO BE A FOOTBALL

[PIANO PLAYS]
I WANTED TO BE A FOOTBALL
PLAYER, YOU KNOW?

I WANTED TO BE A FOOTBALL
PLAYER, YOU KNOW?
BUT I GOT STARTED ON THE WRONG

PLAYER, YOU KNOW?
BUT I GOT STARTED ON THE WRONG
FOOT.

BUT I GOT STARTED ON THE WRONG
FOOT.
I WENT TO GALILEO HIGH SCHOOL,

FOOT.
I WENT TO GALILEO HIGH SCHOOL,
AND IT'S LOCATED IN THE

I WENT TO GALILEO HIGH SCHOOL,
AND IT'S LOCATED IN THE
NORTH BEACH SECTION OF

AND IT'S LOCATED IN THE
NORTH BEACH SECTION OF
SAN FRANCISCO...

NORTH BEACH SECTION OF
SAN FRANCISCO...
[PIANO PLAYS]

SAN FRANCISCO...
[PIANO PLAYS]
NEXT TO CHINATOWN.

[PIANO PLAYS]
NEXT TO CHINATOWN.
AND ORIENTALS, THEY'RE SMALL

NEXT TO CHINATOWN.
AND ORIENTALS, THEY'RE SMALL
PEOPLE.

AND ORIENTALS, THEY'RE SMALL
PEOPLE.
THEY DON'T MAKE GREAT FOOTBALL

PEOPLE.
THEY DON'T MAKE GREAT FOOTBALL
PLAYERS.

THEY DON'T MAKE GREAT FOOTBALL
PLAYERS.
SO I DIDN'T HAVE ANY MAJOR

PLAYERS.
SO I DIDN'T HAVE ANY MAJOR
COLLEGES RECRUIT ME OUT OF HIGH

SO I DIDN'T HAVE ANY MAJOR
COLLEGES RECRUIT ME OUT OF HIGH
SCHOOL... NONE AT ALL... BECAUSE

COLLEGES RECRUIT ME OUT OF HIGH
SCHOOL... NONE AT ALL... BECAUSE
WE DIDN'T WIN ANY FOOTBALL

SCHOOL... NONE AT ALL... BECAUSE
WE DIDN'T WIN ANY FOOTBALL
GAMES.

WE DIDN'T WIN ANY FOOTBALL
GAMES.
SO I HAD TO MAKE A DECISION.

GAMES.
SO I HAD TO MAKE A DECISION.
THIS WAS 1965.

SO I HAD TO MAKE A DECISION.
THIS WAS 1965.
EITHER I WAS GONNA JOIN THE

THIS WAS 1965.
EITHER I WAS GONNA JOIN THE
MARINES AND BE LIKE

EITHER I WAS GONNA JOIN THE
MARINES AND BE LIKE
AUDIE MURPHY.

MARINES AND BE LIKE
AUDIE MURPHY.
THAT WAS A BIG THING IN OUR

AUDIE MURPHY.
THAT WAS A BIG THING IN OUR
NEIGHBORHOOD.

THAT WAS A BIG THING IN OUR
NEIGHBORHOOD.
YOU KNOW, "TO HELL AND BACK" AND

NEIGHBORHOOD.
YOU KNOW, "TO HELL AND BACK" AND
EVERYTHING.

YOU KNOW, "TO HELL AND BACK" AND
EVERYTHING.
OR GO TO A JUNIOR COLLEGE.

EVERYTHING.
OR GO TO A JUNIOR COLLEGE.
WELL, I HAD A FRIEND,

OR GO TO A JUNIOR COLLEGE.
WELL, I HAD A FRIEND,
RONNIE PATTERSON.

WELL, I HAD A FRIEND,
RONNIE PATTERSON.
NOW, RONNIE HAD WENT TO THE WAR

RONNIE PATTERSON.
NOW, RONNIE HAD WENT TO THE WAR
IN, LIKE, '64, AND HE CAME BACK

NOW, RONNIE HAD WENT TO THE WAR
IN, LIKE, '64, AND HE CAME BACK
THE SUMMER OF '65, AND HE HAD

IN, LIKE, '64, AND HE CAME BACK
THE SUMMER OF '65, AND HE HAD
LOST A LEG.

THE SUMMER OF '65, AND HE HAD
LOST A LEG.
SO THE NEXT DAY I HUSTLED TO GET

LOST A LEG.
SO THE NEXT DAY I HUSTLED TO GET
IN JUNIOR COLLEGE.

SO THE NEXT DAY I HUSTLED TO GET
IN JUNIOR COLLEGE.
WELL, WHEN I WENT TO JUNIOR

IN JUNIOR COLLEGE.
WELL, WHEN I WENT TO JUNIOR
COLLEGE, THINGS STARTED GOING

WELL, WHEN I WENT TO JUNIOR
COLLEGE, THINGS STARTED GOING
REAL WELL FOR ME.

COLLEGE, THINGS STARTED GOING
REAL WELL FOR ME.
THINGS WENT REAL GOOD, YOU KNOW?

REAL WELL FOR ME.
THINGS WENT REAL GOOD, YOU KNOW?
I BROKE A LOT OF RECORDS, AND

THINGS WENT REAL GOOD, YOU KNOW?
I BROKE A LOT OF RECORDS, AND
THE NEXT THING I KNEW, I HAD ALL

I BROKE A LOT OF RECORDS, AND
THE NEXT THING I KNEW, I HAD ALL
THESE MAJOR COLLEGES TRYING TO

THE NEXT THING I KNEW, I HAD ALL
THESE MAJOR COLLEGES TRYING TO
RECRUIT ME.

THESE MAJOR COLLEGES TRYING TO
RECRUIT ME.
THEY WERE OFFERING ME MONEY,

RECRUIT ME.
THEY WERE OFFERING ME MONEY,
OFFERING ME A CAR.

THEY WERE OFFERING ME MONEY,
OFFERING ME A CAR.
ONE OFFERED TO BUY MY MOTHER A

OFFERING ME A CAR.
ONE OFFERED TO BUY MY MOTHER A
NEW HOUSE.

ONE OFFERED TO BUY MY MOTHER A
NEW HOUSE.
IT WAS AMAZING, BUT THEY HAD NO

NEW HOUSE.
IT WAS AMAZING, BUT THEY HAD NO
CHANCE BECAUSE IN 1962, I WAS

IT WAS AMAZING, BUT THEY HAD NO
CHANCE BECAUSE IN 1962, I WAS
WATCHING THE ROSE BOWL.

CHANCE BECAUSE IN 1962, I WAS
WATCHING THE ROSE BOWL.
I WAS 14, 15 YEARS OLD.

WATCHING THE ROSE BOWL.
I WAS 14, 15 YEARS OLD.
I THINK WISCONSIN WAS PLAYING

I WAS 14, 15 YEARS OLD.
I THINK WISCONSIN WAS PLAYING
USC.

I THINK WISCONSIN WAS PLAYING
USC.
AND EVERY TIME USC SCORED, THIS

USC.
AND EVERY TIME USC SCORED, THIS
WHITE HORSE CAME RUNNING OUT.

AND EVERY TIME USC SCORED, THIS
WHITE HORSE CAME RUNNING OUT.
THEY HAD A TROJAN WARRIOR ON THE

WHITE HORSE CAME RUNNING OUT.
THEY HAD A TROJAN WARRIOR ON THE
TOP OF IT, AND HE HAD THIS

THEY HAD A TROJAN WARRIOR ON THE
TOP OF IT, AND HE HAD THIS
SWORD.

TOP OF IT, AND HE HAD THIS
SWORD.
AND I WAS SAYING, "HEY, MAN."

SWORD.
AND I WAS SAYING, "HEY, MAN."
THAT'S THE SCHOOL I WANTED TO GO

AND I WAS SAYING, "HEY, MAN."
THAT'S THE SCHOOL I WANTED TO GO
TO.

THAT'S THE SCHOOL I WANTED TO GO
TO.
WELL, AT THE END OF THE YEAR, WE

TO.
WELL, AT THE END OF THE YEAR, WE
WERE PLAYING IN A BOWL GAME, A

WELL, AT THE END OF THE YEAR, WE
WERE PLAYING IN A BOWL GAME, A
BOWL CALLED THE PRUNE BOWL...

WERE PLAYING IN A BOWL GAME, A
BOWL CALLED THE PRUNE BOWL...
SERIOUSLY.

BOWL CALLED THE PRUNE BOWL...
SERIOUSLY.
SAN FRANCISCO CITY COLLEGE WAS

SERIOUSLY.
SAN FRANCISCO CITY COLLEGE WAS
PLAYING LONG BEACH COLLEGE, AND

SAN FRANCISCO CITY COLLEGE WAS
PLAYING LONG BEACH COLLEGE, AND
IT WAS PLAYED IN SAN JOSE FOR

PLAYING LONG BEACH COLLEGE, AND
IT WAS PLAYED IN SAN JOSE FOR
THE STATE CHAMPIONSHIP OF JUNIOR

IT WAS PLAYED IN SAN JOSE FOR
THE STATE CHAMPIONSHIP OF JUNIOR
COLLEGE.

THE STATE CHAMPIONSHIP OF JUNIOR
COLLEGE.
AND AFTER THE GAME... I WAS

COLLEGE.
AND AFTER THE GAME... I WAS
PLAYER OF THE GAME.

AND AFTER THE GAME... I WAS
PLAYER OF THE GAME.
I HAD A BIG GAME, LOT OF

PLAYER OF THE GAME.
I HAD A BIG GAME, LOT OF
TOUCHDOWNS AND EVERYTHING.

I HAD A BIG GAME, LOT OF
TOUCHDOWNS AND EVERYTHING.
THIS GUY CAME UP, AND HE SAID,

TOUCHDOWNS AND EVERYTHING.
THIS GUY CAME UP, AND HE SAID,
"O.J., I'M JIM STANGLEN.

THIS GUY CAME UP, AND HE SAID,
"O.J., I'M JIM STANGLEN.
I'M THE COACH AT USC.

"O.J., I'M JIM STANGLEN.
I'M THE COACH AT USC.
SON, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE A

I'M THE COACH AT USC.
SON, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE A
TROJAN?"

SON, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE A
TROJAN?"
I HEARD TRUMPETS GO OFF IN MY

TROJAN?"
I HEARD TRUMPETS GO OFF IN MY
HEAD.

I HEARD TRUMPETS GO OFF IN MY
HEAD.
[TRUMPET FANFARE PLAYS]

HEAD.
[TRUMPET FANFARE PLAYS]
[SIGHS]

[TRUMPET FANFARE PLAYS]
[SIGHS]
I HEARD THOSE TRUMPETS.

[SIGHS]
I HEARD THOSE TRUMPETS.
[FANFARE CONTINUES]

I HEARD THOSE TRUMPETS.
[FANFARE CONTINUES]
I WENT TO USC.

[FANFARE CONTINUES]
I WENT TO USC.
WHEN I GOT TO S.C., NOTHING BUT

I WENT TO USC.
WHEN I GOT TO S.C., NOTHING BUT
GREAT THINGS HAPPENED FOR ME.

WHEN I GOT TO S.C., NOTHING BUT
GREAT THINGS HAPPENED FOR ME.
I WON THE HEISMAN TROPHY.

GREAT THINGS HAPPENED FOR ME.
I WON THE HEISMAN TROPHY.
I MADE ALL-AMERICAN.

I WON THE HEISMAN TROPHY.
I MADE ALL-AMERICAN.
I RAN ON THE RELAY TEAM THAT

I MADE ALL-AMERICAN.
I RAN ON THE RELAY TEAM THAT
BROKE A WORLD RECORD.

I RAN ON THE RELAY TEAM THAT
BROKE A WORLD RECORD.
SO WHEN I GOT OUT OF S.C.,

BROKE A WORLD RECORD.
SO WHEN I GOT OUT OF S.C.,
EVERYBODY LOVED ME.

SO WHEN I GOT OUT OF S.C.,
EVERYBODY LOVED ME.
PEOPLE WERE TELLING THEIR KIDS,

EVERYBODY LOVED ME.
PEOPLE WERE TELLING THEIR KIDS,
"HEY, GROW UP TO BE LIKE O.J."

PEOPLE WERE TELLING THEIR KIDS,
"HEY, GROW UP TO BE LIKE O.J."
THEY WERE OFFERING ME

"HEY, GROW UP TO BE LIKE O.J."
THEY WERE OFFERING ME
COMMERCIALS AND EVERYTHING.

THEY WERE OFFERING ME
COMMERCIALS AND EVERYTHING.
THEY WERE ASKING MY OPINION OF

COMMERCIALS AND EVERYTHING.
THEY WERE ASKING MY OPINION OF
THE MIDDLE EAST.

THEY WERE ASKING MY OPINION OF
THE MIDDLE EAST.
HEY, I HAD BEEN TO DETROIT ONCE

THE MIDDLE EAST.
HEY, I HAD BEEN TO DETROIT ONCE
OR TWICE.

HEY, I HAD BEEN TO DETROIT ONCE
OR TWICE.
I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON.

OR TWICE.
I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON.
I WAS A FOOTBALL PLAYER, RUNNING

I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON.
I WAS A FOOTBALL PLAYER, RUNNING
THE BALL.

I WAS A FOOTBALL PLAYER, RUNNING
THE BALL.
WELL, I SIGNED WITH THE

THE BALL.
WELL, I SIGNED WITH THE
BUFFALO BILLS.

WELL, I SIGNED WITH THE
BUFFALO BILLS.
[PIANO PLAYS "SHUFFLE OFF TO

BUFFALO BILLS.
[PIANO PLAYS "SHUFFLE OFF TO
BUFFALO"]

[PIANO PLAYS "SHUFFLE OFF TO
BUFFALO"]
[SIGHS]

[BUFFALO"]
[SIGHS]
RIGHT AWAY, THINGS GOT SHAKY.

[SIGHS]
RIGHT AWAY, THINGS GOT SHAKY.
WHEN I GOT THERE, I COULDN'T

RIGHT AWAY, THINGS GOT SHAKY.
WHEN I GOT THERE, I COULDN'T
PRACTICE THE FIRST WEEK 'CAUSE

WHEN I GOT THERE, I COULDN'T
PRACTICE THE FIRST WEEK 'CAUSE
THEY DIDN'T HAVE A HELMET THAT

PRACTICE THE FIRST WEEK 'CAUSE
THEY DIDN'T HAVE A HELMET THAT
FIT ME.

THEY DIDN'T HAVE A HELMET THAT
FIT ME.
PROFESSIONAL ORGANIZATION, YOU

FIT ME.
PROFESSIONAL ORGANIZATION, YOU
KNOW?

PROFESSIONAL ORGANIZATION, YOU
KNOW?
PEOPLE STARTED ASKING ME, "WHAT

KNOW?
PEOPLE STARTED ASKING ME, "WHAT
HAPPENED TO O.J.?"

PEOPLE STARTED ASKING ME, "WHAT
HAPPENED TO O.J.?"
I WENT THREE OR FOUR YEARS, AND

HAPPENED TO O.J.?"
I WENT THREE OR FOUR YEARS, AND
PEOPLE THOUGHT I HAD RETIRED.

I WENT THREE OR FOUR YEARS, AND
PEOPLE THOUGHT I HAD RETIRED.
I TELL YOU WHAT.

PEOPLE THOUGHT I HAD RETIRED.
I TELL YOU WHAT.
THEY WERE SAYING IT WAS THE

I TELL YOU WHAT.
THEY WERE SAYING IT WAS THE
HEISMAN TROPHY JINX.

THEY WERE SAYING IT WAS THE
HEISMAN TROPHY JINX.
WELL, IT WAS IN MY FOURTH YEAR

HEISMAN TROPHY JINX.
WELL, IT WAS IN MY FOURTH YEAR
IN THE LEAGUE.

WELL, IT WAS IN MY FOURTH YEAR
IN THE LEAGUE.
I WAS AT A CHAPEL SERVICE.

IN THE LEAGUE.
I WAS AT A CHAPEL SERVICE.
WE PLAY ON SUNDAYS.

I WAS AT A CHAPEL SERVICE.
WE PLAY ON SUNDAYS.
SO THE GUYS CAN'T GO TO CHURCH.

WE PLAY ON SUNDAYS.
SO THE GUYS CAN'T GO TO CHURCH.
SO WE ALL GET TOGETHER IN THE

SO THE GUYS CAN'T GO TO CHURCH.
SO WE ALL GET TOGETHER IN THE
MORNING TO KIND OF RELATE

SO WE ALL GET TOGETHER IN THE
MORNING TO KIND OF RELATE
EXPERIENCES TO ONE ANOTHER.

MORNING TO KIND OF RELATE
EXPERIENCES TO ONE ANOTHER.
GENERALLY, WE HAVE A BUSINESSMAN

EXPERIENCES TO ONE ANOTHER.
GENERALLY, WE HAVE A BUSINESSMAN
WHO WILL COME IN... HE'S NOT A

GENERALLY, WE HAVE A BUSINESSMAN
WHO WILL COME IN... HE'S NOT A
PREACHER OR ANYTHING... TO TALK

WHO WILL COME IN... HE'S NOT A
PREACHER OR ANYTHING... TO TALK
TO US, TO RELAY HIS EXPERIENCES.

PREACHER OR ANYTHING... TO TALK
TO US, TO RELAY HIS EXPERIENCES.
THIS HAPPENED ALL OVER THE

TO US, TO RELAY HIS EXPERIENCES.
THIS HAPPENED ALL OVER THE
LEAGUE.

THIS HAPPENED ALL OVER THE
LEAGUE.
WELL, I WENT.

LEAGUE.
WELL, I WENT.
I COULDN'T SLEEP.

WELL, I WENT.
I COULDN'T SLEEP.
I WENT TO THE MEETING THAT

I COULDN'T SLEEP.
I WENT TO THE MEETING THAT
MORNING.

I WENT TO THE MEETING THAT
MORNING.
I WAS LISTENING KIND OF

MORNING.
I WAS LISTENING KIND OF
HALFHEARTEDLY.

I WAS LISTENING KIND OF
HALFHEARTEDLY.
AND THIS GUY STARTED TALKING

HALFHEARTEDLY.
AND THIS GUY STARTED TALKING
ABOUT FANATICS.

AND THIS GUY STARTED TALKING
ABOUT FANATICS.
AND HE WAS SAYING THERE'S A LOT

ABOUT FANATICS.
AND HE WAS SAYING THERE'S A LOT
OF DIFFERENT FANATICS.

AND HE WAS SAYING THERE'S A LOT
OF DIFFERENT FANATICS.
BUT HE SAID HE HAD A DEFINITION

OF DIFFERENT FANATICS.
BUT HE SAID HE HAD A DEFINITION
OF A FANATIC... WAS A PERSON WHO

BUT HE SAID HE HAD A DEFINITION
OF A FANATIC... WAS A PERSON WHO
HAD LOST SIGHT OF HIS GOALS BUT

OF A FANATIC... WAS A PERSON WHO
HAD LOST SIGHT OF HIS GOALS BUT
WAS DOUBLING THE EFFORT.

HAD LOST SIGHT OF HIS GOALS BUT
WAS DOUBLING THE EFFORT.
HE WAS RUNNING AROUND, WORKING,

WAS DOUBLING THE EFFORT.
HE WAS RUNNING AROUND, WORKING,
WORKING, AND JUST SAYING, "HEY,

HE WAS RUNNING AROUND, WORKING,
WORKING, AND JUST SAYING, "HEY,
I GOT TO DO THIS.

WORKING, AND JUST SAYING, "HEY,
I GOT TO DO THIS.
I GOT TO DO THAT."

I GOT TO DO THIS.
I GOT TO DO THAT."
BUT HE HAD NO GOALS HE WAS

I GOT TO DO THAT."
BUT HE HAD NO GOALS HE WAS
REACHING FOR.

BUT HE HAD NO GOALS HE WAS
REACHING FOR.
AND I SAT THERE, AND I HAD,

REACHING FOR.
AND I SAT THERE, AND I HAD,
LIKE, A CHILL GO THROUGH ME,

AND I SAT THERE, AND I HAD,
LIKE, A CHILL GO THROUGH ME,
BECAUSE I SAID, "HEY, THIS GUY'S

LIKE, A CHILL GO THROUGH ME,
BECAUSE I SAID, "HEY, THIS GUY'S
TALKING ABOUT ME."

BECAUSE I SAID, "HEY, THIS GUY'S
TALKING ABOUT ME."
ALL MY LIFE, I WANTED TO BE A

TALKING ABOUT ME."
ALL MY LIFE, I WANTED TO BE A
FOOTBALL PLAYER.

ALL MY LIFE, I WANTED TO BE A
FOOTBALL PLAYER.
I WANTED MONEY.

FOOTBALL PLAYER.
I WANTED MONEY.
I WANTED FAME.

I WANTED MONEY.
I WANTED FAME.
AND I HAD THOSE THINGS, AND I

I WANTED FAME.
AND I HAD THOSE THINGS, AND I
HADN'T DONE ANYTHING.

AND I HAD THOSE THINGS, AND I
HADN'T DONE ANYTHING.
I WAS SITTING AROUND FOR THREE

HADN'T DONE ANYTHING.
I WAS SITTING AROUND FOR THREE
YEARS.

I WAS SITTING AROUND FOR THREE
YEARS.
WELL, I WENT BACK TO MY ROOM,

YEARS.
WELL, I WENT BACK TO MY ROOM,
AND I DON'T KNOW.

WELL, I WENT BACK TO MY ROOM,
AND I DON'T KNOW.
I WAS SORT OF IN A TRANCE, AND I

AND I DON'T KNOW.
I WAS SORT OF IN A TRANCE, AND I
SAID, "I'M GONNA SET A GOAL, A

I WAS SORT OF IN A TRANCE, AND I
SAID, "I'M GONNA SET A GOAL, A
PROFESSIONAL GOAL.

SAID, "I'M GONNA SET A GOAL, A
PROFESSIONAL GOAL.
I WANT TO BE THE BEST FOOTBALL

PROFESSIONAL GOAL.
I WANT TO BE THE BEST FOOTBALL
PLAYER IN AMERICA."

I WANT TO BE THE BEST FOOTBALL
PLAYER IN AMERICA."
WELL, I DIDN'T EXPECT SUCH

PLAYER IN AMERICA."
WELL, I DIDN'T EXPECT SUCH
IMMEDIATE REACTION.

WELL, I DIDN'T EXPECT SUCH
IMMEDIATE REACTION.
I WENT OUT AND HAD THE BEST GAME

IMMEDIATE REACTION.
I WENT OUT AND HAD THE BEST GAME
I HAD EVER HAD AS A PRO.

I WENT OUT AND HAD THE BEST GAME
I HAD EVER HAD AS A PRO.
THE NEXT WEEK, I HAD MY BEST

I HAD EVER HAD AS A PRO.
THE NEXT WEEK, I HAD MY BEST
GAME AGAIN, AND THEN THE LAST

THE NEXT WEEK, I HAD MY BEST
GAME AGAIN, AND THEN THE LAST
WEEK, LARRY BROWN WAS HURT, AND

GAME AGAIN, AND THEN THE LAST
WEEK, LARRY BROWN WAS HURT, AND
I HAD ANOTHER BIG GAME, AND I

WEEK, LARRY BROWN WAS HURT, AND
I HAD ANOTHER BIG GAME, AND I
ENDED UP LEADING THE LEAGUE IN

I HAD ANOTHER BIG GAME, AND I
ENDED UP LEADING THE LEAGUE IN
RUSHING FOR THE FIRST TIME.

ENDED UP LEADING THE LEAGUE IN
RUSHING FOR THE FIRST TIME.
I GAINED 2,000 YARDS THE NEXT

RUSHING FOR THE FIRST TIME.
I GAINED 2,000 YARDS THE NEXT
YEAR, AND THEY MADE ME THE

I GAINED 2,000 YARDS THE NEXT
YEAR, AND THEY MADE ME THE
SUPERSTAR AND RENT-A-CAR, AND

YEAR, AND THEY MADE ME THE
SUPERSTAR AND RENT-A-CAR, AND
PEOPLE WERE PUTTING ME ON TV AND

SUPERSTAR AND RENT-A-CAR, AND
PEOPLE WERE PUTTING ME ON TV AND
MOVIES AND EVERYTHING.

PEOPLE WERE PUTTING ME ON TV AND
MOVIES AND EVERYTHING.
I WAS HAPPY.

MOVIES AND EVERYTHING.
I WAS HAPPY.
I SAID, "HEY, I'VE MADE IT."

I WAS HAPPY.
I SAID, "HEY, I'VE MADE IT."
BUT I DON'T KNOW.

I SAID, "HEY, I'VE MADE IT."
BUT I DON'T KNOW.
I GOT THIS EMPTY FEELING AGAIN,

BUT I DON'T KNOW.
I GOT THIS EMPTY FEELING AGAIN,
AND I WAS THINKING, "NOW WHAT

I GOT THIS EMPTY FEELING AGAIN,
AND I WAS THINKING, "NOW WHAT
ELSE IS THERE?"

AND I WAS THINKING, "NOW WHAT
ELSE IS THERE?"
THEN ONE NIGHT I WAS WATCHING

ELSE IS THERE?"
THEN ONE NIGHT I WAS WATCHING
TV.

THEN ONE NIGHT I WAS WATCHING
TV.
I THINK IT WAS RICHARD PRYOR.

TV.
I THINK IT WAS RICHARD PRYOR.
AND I DIG RICHARD.

I THINK IT WAS RICHARD PRYOR.
AND I DIG RICHARD.
BUT IT WASN'T RICHARD.

AND I DIG RICHARD.
BUT IT WASN'T RICHARD.
IT WAS WHAT HE WAS DOING.

BUT IT WASN'T RICHARD.
IT WAS WHAT HE WAS DOING.
HE WAS HOSTING "SATURDAY NIGHT

IT WAS WHAT HE WAS DOING.
HE WAS HOSTING "SATURDAY NIGHT
LIVE."

HE WAS HOSTING "SATURDAY NIGHT
LIVE."
IT WAS LIKE, "THAT'S IT.

LIVE."
IT WAS LIKE, "THAT'S IT.
THAT'S... THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN

IT WAS LIKE, "THAT'S IT.
THAT'S... THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN
WANTING IS TO HOST THE 'SATURDAY

THAT'S... THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN
WANTING IS TO HOST THE 'SATURDAY
NIGHT LIVE' SHOW."

WANTING IS TO HOST THE 'SATURDAY
NIGHT LIVE' SHOW."
AND I GOT TO THINKING.

NIGHT LIVE' SHOW."
AND I GOT TO THINKING.
"WELL, JUICE, MAYBE YOU'VE SET

AND I GOT TO THINKING.
"WELL, JUICE, MAYBE YOU'VE SET
YOUR GOALS A LITTLE TOO HIGH

"WELL, JUICE, MAYBE YOU'VE SET
YOUR GOALS A LITTLE TOO HIGH
THIS TIME."

YOUR GOALS A LITTLE TOO HIGH
THIS TIME."
I SAID, "WHAT THE HELL?

THIS TIME."
I SAID, "WHAT THE HELL?
HELL, I HAD GOALS BEFORE, AND I

I SAID, "WHAT THE HELL?
HELL, I HAD GOALS BEFORE, AND I
ATTAINED THOSE GOALS.

HELL, I HAD GOALS BEFORE, AND I
ATTAINED THOSE GOALS.
WHY WOULD I GIVE UP?

ATTAINED THOSE GOALS.
WHY WOULD I GIVE UP?
I'LL GIVE IT A SHOT."

WHY WOULD I GIVE UP?
I'LL GIVE IT A SHOT."
SO I WENT UP, AND I CONCENTRATED

I'LL GIVE IT A SHOT."
SO I WENT UP, AND I CONCENTRATED
AND I WORKED AND I DID

SO I WENT UP, AND I CONCENTRATED
AND I WORKED AND I DID
EVERYTHING IN HOPES THAT THEY

AND I WORKED AND I DID
EVERYTHING IN HOPES THAT THEY
WOULD ASK ME TO HOST "SATURDAY

EVERYTHING IN HOPES THAT THEY
WOULD ASK ME TO HOST "SATURDAY
NIGHT LIVE."

WOULD ASK ME TO HOST "SATURDAY
NIGHT LIVE."
THEY FINALLY CALLED, AND HERE I

NIGHT LIVE."
THEY FINALLY CALLED, AND HERE I
AM NOW.

THEY FINALLY CALLED, AND HERE I
AM NOW.
I DON'T KNOW IF I'M GONNA BE MAN

AM NOW.
I DON'T KNOW IF I'M GONNA BE MAN
ENOUGH TONIGHT TO MEET THIS

I DON'T KNOW IF I'M GONNA BE MAN
ENOUGH TONIGHT TO MEET THIS
CHALLENGE.

ENOUGH TONIGHT TO MEET THIS
CHALLENGE.
I JUST HOPE THAT IF I DON'T MEET

CHALLENGE.
I JUST HOPE THAT IF I DON'T MEET
IT TONIGHT AND HAVE TO GO BACK

I JUST HOPE THAT IF I DON'T MEET
IT TONIGHT AND HAVE TO GO BACK
TO BEING JUST A REGULAR

IT TONIGHT AND HAVE TO GO BACK
TO BEING JUST A REGULAR
SUPERSTAR ATHLETE/MOVIE STAR

TO BEING JUST A REGULAR
SUPERSTAR ATHLETE/MOVIE STAR
THAT YOU PEOPLE WILL REMEMBER ME

SUPERSTAR ATHLETE/MOVIE STAR
THAT YOU PEOPLE WILL REMEMBER ME
FOR WHAT I WAS AND NOT WHAT I

THAT YOU PEOPLE WILL REMEMBER ME
FOR WHAT I WAS AND NOT WHAT I
MAY BECOME HERE TONIGHT.

FOR WHAT I WAS AND NOT WHAT I
MAY BECOME HERE TONIGHT.
SO I'M READY.

MAY BECOME HERE TONIGHT.
SO I'M READY.
I HOPE YOU'RE READY.

SO I'M READY.
I HOPE YOU'RE READY.
I'M GONNA GO OUT HERE AND GET

I HOPE YOU'RE READY.
I'M GONNA GO OUT HERE AND GET
READY.

I'M GONNA GO OUT HERE AND GET
READY.
WHY DON'T YOU GO HAVE A BEER?

READY.
WHY DON'T YOU GO HAVE A BEER?
WE'LL BE BACK IN A MINUTE ON

WHY DON'T YOU GO HAVE A BEER?
WE'LL BE BACK IN A MINUTE ON
"SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE."

WE'LL BE BACK IN A MINUTE ON
"SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE."
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

"SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE."
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[PIANO PLAYS]

OKAY, EVERYBODY, LET'S EAT.
THIS IS THE THIRD TIME THIS
WEEK WE'VE HAD SPAGHETTI.

THIS IS THE THIRD TIME THIS
WEEK WE'VE HAD SPAGHETTI.
I HATE BEING POOR AND ITALIAN.

WEEK WE'VE HAD SPAGHETTI.
I HATE BEING POOR AND ITALIAN.
ALL WE GET TO EAT IS SPAGHETTI.

I HATE BEING POOR AND ITALIAN.
ALL WE GET TO EAT IS SPAGHETTI.
WHY THE HELL CAN'T WE EAT

ALL WE GET TO EAT IS SPAGHETTI.
WHY THE HELL CAN'T WE EAT
SOMETHING ELSE?

WHY THE HELL CAN'T WE EAT
SOMETHING ELSE?
WELL, WHY CAN'T YOU GET A

SOMETHING ELSE?
WELL, WHY CAN'T YOU GET A
JOB, HUH?

WELL, WHY CAN'T YOU GET A
JOB, HUH?
THIS STUFF IS LOUSY.

JOB, HUH?
THIS STUFF IS LOUSY.
I CAN'T EAT IT.

THIS STUFF IS LOUSY.
I CAN'T EAT IT.
I CAN'T EAT THIS STUFF.

I CAN'T EAT IT.
I CAN'T EAT THIS STUFF.
SO DON'T.

I CAN'T EAT THIS STUFF.
SO DON'T.
YOU WANT TO EAT FANCY?

SO DON'T.
YOU WANT TO EAT FANCY?
WORK!

YOU WANT TO EAT FANCY?
WORK!
SO GET OFF MY BACK, HUH?

WORK!
SO GET OFF MY BACK, HUH?
WHERE'S TONY?

SO GET OFF MY BACK, HUH?
WHERE'S TONY?
HE SAID HE'S NOT HUNGRY.

WHERE'S TONY?
HE SAID HE'S NOT HUNGRY.
HE'S UPSTAIRS DRESSING.

HE SAID HE'S NOT HUNGRY.
HE'S UPSTAIRS DRESSING.
HE BOUGHT A NEW SHIRT.

HE'S UPSTAIRS DRESSING.
HE BOUGHT A NEW SHIRT.
HE'S GOING DANCING.

HE BOUGHT A NEW SHIRT.
HE'S GOING DANCING.
HE'S GOING DANCING, HUH?

HE'S GOING DANCING.
HE'S GOING DANCING, HUH?
THAT'S ALL HE THINKS ABOUT...

HE'S GOING DANCING, HUH?
THAT'S ALL HE THINKS ABOUT...
DANCING, DANCING.

THAT'S ALL HE THINKS ABOUT...
DANCING, DANCING.
IT COSTS MONEY TO GO DANCING,

DANCING, DANCING.
IT COSTS MONEY TO GO DANCING,
HONEY.

IT COSTS MONEY TO GO DANCING,
HONEY.
HE'S GOT A JOB.

HONEY.
HE'S GOT A JOB.
HE'S MAKING MORE THAN YOU.

HE'S GOT A JOB.
HE'S MAKING MORE THAN YOU.
WHAT DO YOU GOT TO PUT ME

HE'S MAKING MORE THAN YOU.
WHAT DO YOU GOT TO PUT ME
DOWN FOR, HUH, WOMAN?

WHAT DO YOU GOT TO PUT ME
DOWN FOR, HUH, WOMAN?
HUH?

DOWN FOR, HUH, WOMAN?
HUH?
THIS IS STILL MY HOUSE, ISN'T

HUH?
THIS IS STILL MY HOUSE, ISN'T
IT, YOU LITTLE TRAMP, HUH?

THIS IS STILL MY HOUSE, ISN'T
IT, YOU LITTLE TRAMP, HUH?
HOW'S IT LOOK?

IT, YOU LITTLE TRAMP, HUH?
HOW'S IT LOOK?
IT LOOKS PRETTY GOOD, DOESN'T

HOW'S IT LOOK?
IT LOOKS PRETTY GOOD, DOESN'T
IT?

IT LOOKS PRETTY GOOD, DOESN'T
IT?
SORRY. I'M SORRY.

IT?
SORRY. I'M SORRY.
THE KID'S A MAVERICK, I TELL

SORRY. I'M SORRY.
THE KID'S A MAVERICK, I TELL
YOU, A BAD SEED.

THE KID'S A MAVERICK, I TELL
YOU, A BAD SEED.
HE'S NO LIKE JOE.

YOU, A BAD SEED.
HE'S NO LIKE JOE.
IT'S JUST A STAGE.

HE'S NO LIKE JOE.
IT'S JUST A STAGE.
HE'LL GET OVER IT.

IT'S JUST A STAGE.
HE'LL GET OVER IT.
YEAH, BUT IT STILL DON'T MEAN

HE'LL GET OVER IT.
YEAH, BUT IT STILL DON'T MEAN
HE SHOULDN'T BE HERE WHEN THE

YEAH, BUT IT STILL DON'T MEAN
HE SHOULDN'T BE HERE WHEN THE
FAMILY EATS.

HE SHOULDN'T BE HERE WHEN THE
FAMILY EATS.
HEY!

FAMILY EATS.
HEY!
TONY, GET DOWN HERE!

HEY!
TONY, GET DOWN HERE!
[THE BEE GEES' "NIGHT FEVER"

TONY, GET DOWN HERE!
[THE BEE GEES' "NIGHT FEVER"
PLAYS]

[THE BEE GEES' "NIGHT FEVER"
PLAYS]
Announcer: AND NOW ANOTHER

[PLAYS]
Announcer: AND NOW ANOTHER
EPISODE OF...

♪ CITY WOMAN,
SHE MOVES THROUGH THE NIGHT ♪
♪ CONTROLLING MY MIND

SHE MOVES THROUGH THE NIGHT ♪
♪ CONTROLLING MY MIND
AND MY SOUL ♪

♪ CONTROLLING MY MIND
AND MY SOUL ♪
♪ WHEN YOU REACH OUT FOR ME,

AND MY SOUL ♪
♪ WHEN YOU REACH OUT FOR ME,
AND THE FEELING IS BRIGHT ♪

♪ WHEN YOU REACH OUT FOR ME,
AND THE FEELING IS BRIGHT ♪
♪ NIGHT FEVER, NIGHT FEVER,

AND THE FEELING IS BRIGHT ♪
♪ NIGHT FEVER, NIGHT FEVER,
WE KNOW HOW TO DO IT ♪

♪ NIGHT FEVER, NIGHT FEVER,
WE KNOW HOW TO DO IT ♪
HEY!

WE KNOW HOW TO DO IT ♪
HEY!
DID YOU HEAR ME?

HEY!
DID YOU HEAR ME?
GET DOWN HERE AND STEP ON IT!

DID YOU HEAR ME?
GET DOWN HERE AND STEP ON IT!
JOE'S GONNA BE HERE TODAY!

GET DOWN HERE AND STEP ON IT!
JOE'S GONNA BE HERE TODAY!
ISN'T THAT GREAT?

JOE'S GONNA BE HERE TODAY!
ISN'T THAT GREAT?
OH, MAYBE HE'LL TALK TO TONY.

ISN'T THAT GREAT?
OH, MAYBE HE'LL TALK TO TONY.
MAYBE HE'LL STRAIGHTEN HIM OUT.

OH, MAYBE HE'LL TALK TO TONY.
MAYBE HE'LL STRAIGHTEN HIM OUT.
YOU NEED A PRETTY POWERFUL

MAYBE HE'LL STRAIGHTEN HIM OUT.
YOU NEED A PRETTY POWERFUL
STARCH TO STRAIGHTEN THAT LITTLE

YOU NEED A PRETTY POWERFUL
STARCH TO STRAIGHTEN THAT LITTLE
BRAT OUT.

STARCH TO STRAIGHTEN THAT LITTLE
BRAT OUT.
MR. PRETTY BOY.

BRAT OUT.
MR. PRETTY BOY.
MR. OH, BOY, I LOOK SO GOOD.

MR. PRETTY BOY.
MR. OH, BOY, I LOOK SO GOOD.
IT'S JUST A PHASE, I TELL-A

MR. OH, BOY, I LOOK SO GOOD.
IT'S JUST A PHASE, I TELL-A
YOU.

IT'S JUST A PHASE, I TELL-A
YOU.
YEAH.

YOU.
YEAH.
HEY!

YEAH.
HEY!
JOE'S A-COMING HOME TODAY!

HEY!
JOE'S A-COMING HOME TODAY!
[IMITATING JOHN TRAVOLTA]

JOE'S A-COMING HOME TODAY!
[IMITATING JOHN TRAVOLTA]
WHAT'S WITH...

[IMITATING JOHN TRAVOLTA]
WHAT'S WITH...
WHY THE HELL CAN'T YOU EAT LIKE

WHAT'S WITH...
WHY THE HELL CAN'T YOU EAT LIKE
EVERYBODY ELSE?

WHY THE HELL CAN'T YOU EAT LIKE
EVERYBODY ELSE?
AND DON'T YOU TALK THAT WAY IN

EVERYBODY ELSE?
AND DON'T YOU TALK THAT WAY IN
MY HOUSE.

AND DON'T YOU TALK THAT WAY IN
MY HOUSE.
YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT JOE LIKE

MY HOUSE.
YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT JOE LIKE
THAT.

YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT JOE LIKE
THAT.
YOU'RE SO JEALOUS OF YOUR

THAT.
YOU'RE SO JEALOUS OF YOUR
BROTHER.

YOU'RE SO JEALOUS OF YOUR
BROTHER.
HE STUDIED TO MAKE SOMETHING OF

BROTHER.
HE STUDIED TO MAKE SOMETHING OF
HIMSELF, BUSTER.

HE STUDIED TO MAKE SOMETHING OF
HIMSELF, BUSTER.
HE HAD A GOAL!

HIMSELF, BUSTER.
HE HAD A GOAL!
NOT LIKE YOU.

HE HAD A GOAL!
NOT LIKE YOU.
JOE'S MORE THAN JUST A PRIEST,

NOT LIKE YOU.
JOE'S MORE THAN JUST A PRIEST,
YOU KNOW.

JOE'S MORE THAN JUST A PRIEST,
YOU KNOW.
HE MAKES YOUR MOM AND ME REAL

YOU KNOW.
HE MAKES YOUR MOM AND ME REAL
PROUD.

HE MAKES YOUR MOM AND ME REAL
PROUD.
TELL YOU THAT.

PROUD.
TELL YOU THAT.
WHY YOU CAN'T BE LIKE JOE, I

TELL YOU THAT.
WHY YOU CAN'T BE LIKE JOE, I
DON'T KNOW.

WHY YOU CAN'T BE LIKE JOE, I
DON'T KNOW.
LOOK AT YOUR HAIR.

DON'T KNOW.
LOOK AT YOUR HAIR.
LOOK AT YOUR HAIR!

LOOK AT YOUR HAIR.
LOOK AT YOUR HAIR!
MY HAIR, HUH?!

LOOK AT YOUR HAIR!
MY HAIR, HUH?!
WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY HAIR!

MY HAIR, HUH?!
WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY HAIR!
WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY HAIR, HUH?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY HAIR!
WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY HAIR, HUH?
WHAT'S WRONG, HUH?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY HAIR, HUH?
WHAT'S WRONG, HUH?
[MUMBLING]

WHAT'S WRONG, HUH?
[MUMBLING]
YEAH, WELL, YOU GOT TOMATO

[MUMBLING]
YEAH, WELL, YOU GOT TOMATO
SAUCE ON YOUR FACE.

YEAH, WELL, YOU GOT TOMATO
SAUCE ON YOUR FACE.
JOE MAKE-A ME SO PROUD.

SAUCE ON YOUR FACE.
JOE MAKE-A ME SO PROUD.
HE'S GONNA BE HOME TODAY.

JOE MAKE-A ME SO PROUD.
HE'S GONNA BE HOME TODAY.
IT'S JUST A PHASE.

HE'S GONNA BE HOME TODAY.
IT'S JUST A PHASE.
HE'S A NO-GOOD KID...

IT'S JUST A PHASE.
HE'S A NO-GOOD KID...
DANCING, DANCING.

HE'S A NO-GOOD KID...
DANCING, DANCING.
ALL HE WANTS TO DO IS DANCING.

DANCING, DANCING.
ALL HE WANTS TO DO IS DANCING.
I HOPE NOBODY TELLS HIM HE'S GOT

ALL HE WANTS TO DO IS DANCING.
I HOPE NOBODY TELLS HIM HE'S GOT
TOMATO SAUCE ALL OVER HIS CHIN.

I HOPE NOBODY TELLS HIM HE'S GOT
TOMATO SAUCE ALL OVER HIS CHIN.
HEY!

TOMATO SAUCE ALL OVER HIS CHIN.
HEY!
TONY!

HEY!
TONY!
YOU'RE LOOKING GOOD, KID.

TONY!
YOU'RE LOOKING GOOD, KID.
ARE THEY STILL GIVING YOU A HARD

YOU'RE LOOKING GOOD, KID.
ARE THEY STILL GIVING YOU A HARD
TIME?

ARE THEY STILL GIVING YOU A HARD
TIME?
[MUMBLING]

TIME?
[MUMBLING]
WELL, YOU MAY NOT BE THE ONLY

[MUMBLING]
WELL, YOU MAY NOT BE THE ONLY
BAD BOY AROUND HERE, SOON.

WELL, YOU MAY NOT BE THE ONLY
BAD BOY AROUND HERE, SOON.
HEY, TONY, I'M REAL UNHAPPY,

BAD BOY AROUND HERE, SOON.
HEY, TONY, I'M REAL UNHAPPY,
MAN.

HEY, TONY, I'M REAL UNHAPPY,
MAN.
I KNOW MOM AND PA, THEY'RE PROUD

MAN.
I KNOW MOM AND PA, THEY'RE PROUD
OF ME AND ALL, BUT HEY, I GOT TO

I KNOW MOM AND PA, THEY'RE PROUD
OF ME AND ALL, BUT HEY, I GOT TO
LIVE FOR MYSELF.

OF ME AND ALL, BUT HEY, I GOT TO
LIVE FOR MYSELF.
I GOT TO DO WHAT'S RIGHT FOR ME.

LIVE FOR MYSELF.
I GOT TO DO WHAT'S RIGHT FOR ME.
I CAN'T LIVE FOR THEM.

I GOT TO DO WHAT'S RIGHT FOR ME.
I CAN'T LIVE FOR THEM.
I THINK I'M GONNA TELL THEM

I CAN'T LIVE FOR THEM.
I THINK I'M GONNA TELL THEM
TOMORROW MORNING.

I THINK I'M GONNA TELL THEM
TOMORROW MORNING.
[MUMBLING]

TOMORROW MORNING.
[MUMBLING]
HEY, TONY...

[MUMBLING]
HEY, TONY...
I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE BLACK NO

HEY, TONY...
I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE BLACK NO
MORE.

I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE BLACK NO
MORE.
OH, HO-HO!

MORE.
OH, HO-HO!
OH, NO, NO, NO.

OH, HO-HO!
OH, NO, NO, NO.
THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M SAYING.

OH, NO, NO, NO.
THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M SAYING.
IT'S JUST THAT BACK IN THE '60s,

THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M SAYING.
IT'S JUST THAT BACK IN THE '60s,
IT SEEMED LIKE THE HIP THING TO

IT'S JUST THAT BACK IN THE '60s,
IT SEEMED LIKE THE HIP THING TO
DO, BEING A MEMBER OF THE

IT SEEMED LIKE THE HIP THING TO
DO, BEING A MEMBER OF THE
DOWNTRODDEN SOCIETY AND ALL.

DO, BEING A MEMBER OF THE
DOWNTRODDEN SOCIETY AND ALL.
BUT HEY... PEOPLE, THEY JUST

DOWNTRODDEN SOCIETY AND ALL.
BUT HEY... PEOPLE, THEY JUST
DON'T CARE ABOUT THE CAUSE

BUT HEY... PEOPLE, THEY JUST
DON'T CARE ABOUT THE CAUSE
ANYMORE.

DON'T CARE ABOUT THE CAUSE
ANYMORE.
AND YOU KNOW WHO'S SUFFERING FOR

ANYMORE.
AND YOU KNOW WHO'S SUFFERING FOR
IT?

AND YOU KNOW WHO'S SUFFERING FOR
IT?
I AM.

IT?
I AM.
PLUS, I COULD NEVER GET THAT

I AM.
PLUS, I COULD NEVER GET THAT
WALK DOWN.

PLUS, I COULD NEVER GET THAT
WALK DOWN.
HEY.

WALK DOWN.
HEY.
OH, I DON'T KNOW.

HEY.
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
I GOT TO THINK ABOUT IT.

OH, I DON'T KNOW.
I GOT TO THINK ABOUT IT.
HEY.

I GOT TO THINK ABOUT IT.
HEY.
NO, I'VE NEVER BEEN MUCH FOR

HEY.
NO, I'VE NEVER BEEN MUCH FOR
DANCING.

NO, I'VE NEVER BEEN MUCH FOR
DANCING.
NO, NO, NO!

DANCING.
NO, NO, NO!
I'LL GO, I'LL GO.

NO, NO, NO!
I'LL GO, I'LL GO.
IT MAY DO ME SOME GOOD, HUH?

I'LL GO, I'LL GO.
IT MAY DO ME SOME GOOD, HUH?
♪ BURN, BABY, BURN ♪

IT MAY DO ME SOME GOOD, HUH?
♪ BURN, BABY, BURN ♪
♪ BURN, BABY, BURN ♪

♪ BURN, BABY, BURN ♪
♪ BURN, BABY, BURN ♪
♪ TO MY SURPRISE

♪ BURN, BABY, BURN ♪
♪ TO MY SURPRISE
ONE HUNDRED STORIES HIGH ♪

♪ TO MY SURPRISE
ONE HUNDRED STORIES HIGH ♪
OKAY.

ONE HUNDRED STORIES HIGH ♪
OKAY.
WE'LL GIVE VINNIE 10 MORE

OKAY.
WE'LL GIVE VINNIE 10 MORE
MINUTES IN THE CAR, THEN YOU GET

WE'LL GIVE VINNIE 10 MORE
MINUTES IN THE CAR, THEN YOU GET
YOUR TURN WITH MARIA.

MINUTES IN THE CAR, THEN YOU GET
YOUR TURN WITH MARIA.
HEY!

YOUR TURN WITH MARIA.
HEY!
HEY, TONY.

HEY!
HEY, TONY.
HEY.

HEY, TONY.
HEY.
SURE, I KNOW YOUR BROTHER,

HEY.
SURE, I KNOW YOUR BROTHER,
JOE.

SURE, I KNOW YOUR BROTHER,
JOE.
HOW ARE YOU?

JOE.
HOW ARE YOU?
THIS IS CARMINE.

HOW ARE YOU?
THIS IS CARMINE.
HEY, JOE.

THIS IS CARMINE.
HEY, JOE.
HEY, JOE, YOU LOOK DIFFERENT

HEY, JOE.
HEY, JOE, YOU LOOK DIFFERENT
TONIGHT.

HEY, JOE, YOU LOOK DIFFERENT
TONIGHT.
I'M NOT BLACK ANYMORE.

TONIGHT.
I'M NOT BLACK ANYMORE.
HI.

I'M NOT BLACK ANYMORE.
HI.
TONY, YOU WANT TO DANCE?

HI.
TONY, YOU WANT TO DANCE?
[SCOFFS]

TONY, YOU WANT TO DANCE?
[SCOFFS]
HEY!

[SCOFFS]
HEY!
HEY, WOW, DO YOU WANT TO

HEY!
HEY, WOW, DO YOU WANT TO
DANCE WITH ME?

HEY, WOW, DO YOU WANT TO
DANCE WITH ME?
I'M NOT VERY GOOD.

DANCE WITH ME?
I'M NOT VERY GOOD.
OH, COME ON.

I'M NOT VERY GOOD.
OH, COME ON.
I'LL SHOW YOU.

OH, COME ON.
I'LL SHOW YOU.
[MUMBLING]

I'LL SHOW YOU.
[MUMBLING]
ALL RIGHT.

[MUMBLING]
ALL RIGHT.
WILL I SEE YOU LATER, TONY?

ALL RIGHT.
WILL I SEE YOU LATER, TONY?
HEY!

WILL I SEE YOU LATER, TONY?
HEY!
THIS IS THE LIFE... TO BE

HEY!
THIS IS THE LIFE... TO BE
YOUNG, STUPID, AND HAVE NO

THIS IS THE LIFE... TO BE
YOUNG, STUPID, AND HAVE NO
FUTURE AT ALL.

YOUNG, STUPID, AND HAVE NO
FUTURE AT ALL.
I LOVE BROOKLYN!

FUTURE AT ALL.
I LOVE BROOKLYN!
HEY, TONY, YOU GONNA DANCE

I LOVE BROOKLYN!
HEY, TONY, YOU GONNA DANCE
TONIGHT, TONY?

HEY, TONY, YOU GONNA DANCE
TONIGHT, TONY?
YOUR BROTHER'S DOING PRETTY GOOD

TONIGHT, TONY?
YOUR BROTHER'S DOING PRETTY GOOD
WITH THE CHICKS, AND HE DANCES

YOUR BROTHER'S DOING PRETTY GOOD
WITH THE CHICKS, AND HE DANCES
GOOD, TOO.

WITH THE CHICKS, AND HE DANCES
GOOD, TOO.
HEY.

GOOD, TOO.
HEY.
[INTRO TO "STAYIN' ALIVE"

HEY.
[INTRO TO "STAYIN' ALIVE"
PLAYS]

[INTRO TO "STAYIN' ALIVE"
PLAYS]
[ALL CLAMORING]

♪ MUSIC LOUD AND WOMEN WARM,
I'VE BEEN KICKED AROUND
SINCE I WAS BORN ♪

I'VE BEEN KICKED AROUND
SINCE I WAS BORN ♪
♪ AND NOW IT'S ALL RIGHT,

SINCE I WAS BORN ♪
♪ AND NOW IT'S ALL RIGHT,
IT'S OKAY,

♪ AND NOW IT'S ALL RIGHT,
IT'S OKAY,
YOU MAY LOOK THE OTHER WAY ♪

IT'S OKAY,
YOU MAY LOOK THE OTHER WAY ♪
♪ AND WE CAN TRY TO UNDERSTAND

YOU MAY LOOK THE OTHER WAY ♪
♪ AND WE CAN TRY TO UNDERSTAND
THE NEW YORK TIMES'

♪ AND WE CAN TRY TO UNDERSTAND
THE NEW YORK TIMES'
EFFECT ON MAN ♪

THE NEW YORK TIMES'
EFFECT ON MAN ♪
♪ WHETHER YOU'RE A BROTHER

EFFECT ON MAN ♪
♪ WHETHER YOU'RE A BROTHER
OR WHETHER YOU'RE A MOTHER,

♪ WHETHER YOU'RE A BROTHER
OR WHETHER YOU'RE A MOTHER,
YOU'RE STAYIN' ALIVE,

OR WHETHER YOU'RE A MOTHER,
YOU'RE STAYIN' ALIVE,
STAYIN' ALIVE ♪

YOU'RE STAYIN' ALIVE,
STAYIN' ALIVE ♪
♪ FEEL THE CITY BREAKIN'

STAYIN' ALIVE ♪
♪ FEEL THE CITY BREAKIN'
AND EVERYBODY SHAKIN',

♪ FEEL THE CITY BREAKIN'
AND EVERYBODY SHAKIN',
WE'RE STAYIN' ALIVE,

AND EVERYBODY SHAKIN',
WE'RE STAYIN' ALIVE,
STAYIN ALIVE ♪

WE'RE STAYIN' ALIVE,
STAYIN ALIVE ♪
♪ AH-AH-AH-AH,

STAYIN ALIVE ♪
♪ AH-AH-AH-AH,
STAYIN' ALIVE, STAYIN' ALIVE ♪

♪ AH-AH-AH-AH,
STAYIN' ALIVE, STAYIN' ALIVE ♪
♪ AH-AH-AH-AH,

STAYIN' ALIVE, STAYIN' ALIVE ♪
♪ AH-AH-AH-AH,
STAYIN' ALI-I-I-I-I-VE ♪

♪ AH-AH-AH-AH,
STAYIN' ALI-I-I-I-I-VE ♪
♪ OH ♪

STAYIN' ALI-I-I-I-I-VE ♪
♪ OH ♪
♪ WELL, NOW I GET LOW

♪ OH ♪
♪ WELL, NOW I GET LOW
AND I GET HIGH ♪

♪ WELL, NOW I GET LOW
AND I GET HIGH ♪
♪ AND IF I CAN'T GET EITHER

AND I GET HIGH ♪
♪ AND IF I CAN'T GET EITHER
I REALLY TRY ♪

♪ AND IF I CAN'T GET EITHER
I REALLY TRY ♪
♪ GOT THE WINGS OF HEAVEN

I REALLY TRY ♪
♪ GOT THE WINGS OF HEAVEN
ON MY SHOES ♪

♪ GOT THE WINGS OF HEAVEN
ON MY SHOES ♪
♪ I'M A DANCIN' MAN ♪

ON MY SHOES ♪
♪ I'M A DANCIN' MAN ♪
♪ I JUST CAN'T LOSE ♪

♪ I'M A DANCIN' MAN ♪
♪ I JUST CAN'T LOSE ♪
♪ NOW IT'S ALL RIGHT,

♪ I JUST CAN'T LOSE ♪
♪ NOW IT'S ALL RIGHT,
IT'S OKAY,

♪ NOW IT'S ALL RIGHT,
IT'S OKAY,
I'LL LIVE TO SEE ANOTHER DAY ♪

IT'S OKAY,
I'LL LIVE TO SEE ANOTHER DAY ♪
♪ AND WE CAN TRY

I'LL LIVE TO SEE ANOTHER DAY ♪
♪ AND WE CAN TRY
TO UNDERSTAND... ♪

♪ AND WE CAN TRY
TO UNDERSTAND... ♪
Announcer: TUNE IN NEXT WEEK

TO UNDERSTAND... ♪
Announcer: TUNE IN NEXT WEEK
FOR ANOTHER EPISODE OF...

♪ AH-AH-AH-AH,
STAYIN' ALIVE, STAYIN' ALIVE ♪

[PIANO PLAYS]

HELLO.
AS A KID, I HAD MANY IDOLS.
MEN LIKE JACKIE ROBINSON AND

AS A KID, I HAD MANY IDOLS.
MEN LIKE JACKIE ROBINSON AND
WILLIE MAYS INSPIRED ME.

MEN LIKE JACKIE ROBINSON AND
WILLIE MAYS INSPIRED ME.
BUT PROBABLY AMERICA'S GREATEST

WILLIE MAYS INSPIRED ME.
BUT PROBABLY AMERICA'S GREATEST
HERO WAS THE LEGENDARY

BUT PROBABLY AMERICA'S GREATEST
HERO WAS THE LEGENDARY
GEORGE HERMAN "BABE" RUTH.

HERO WAS THE LEGENDARY
GEORGE HERMAN "BABE" RUTH.
BORN IN 1895, THE BABE GREW UP

GEORGE HERMAN "BABE" RUTH.
BORN IN 1895, THE BABE GREW UP
TO BECOME THE NEW YORK YANKEES'

BORN IN 1895, THE BABE GREW UP
TO BECOME THE NEW YORK YANKEES'
SULTAN OF SWAT, AS WELL AS THE

TO BECOME THE NEW YORK YANKEES'
SULTAN OF SWAT, AS WELL AS THE
GAME'S MOST EXCITING PLAYER.

SULTAN OF SWAT, AS WELL AS THE
GAME'S MOST EXCITING PLAYER.
THE BABE LOVED EVERYONE, BUT THE

GAME'S MOST EXCITING PLAYER.
THE BABE LOVED EVERYONE, BUT THE
FANS HE CARED THE MOST ABOUT WAS

THE BABE LOVED EVERYONE, BUT THE
FANS HE CARED THE MOST ABOUT WAS
AMERICA'S KIDS.

FANS HE CARED THE MOST ABOUT WAS
AMERICA'S KIDS.
AND THE BABE ALWAYS TRIED TO

AMERICA'S KIDS.
AND THE BABE ALWAYS TRIED TO
RETURN THEIR LOVE, LIKE THE TIME

AND THE BABE ALWAYS TRIED TO
RETURN THEIR LOVE, LIKE THE TIME
IN A NEW YORK HOSPITAL, ALMOST

RETURN THEIR LOVE, LIKE THE TIME
IN A NEW YORK HOSPITAL, ALMOST
FORTY YEARS AGO...

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING,
MR. RUTH.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH THIS

MR. RUTH.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH THIS
WILL MEAN TO HIM.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH THIS
WILL MEAN TO HIM.
HE'S YOUR BIGGEST FAN, BABE.

WILL MEAN TO HIM.
HE'S YOUR BIGGEST FAN, BABE.
HE LISTENS TO ALL THE YANKEE

HE'S YOUR BIGGEST FAN, BABE.
HE LISTENS TO ALL THE YANKEE
GAMES ON THE RADIO.

HE LISTENS TO ALL THE YANKEE
GAMES ON THE RADIO.
WELL, THAT'S NICE TO HEAR.

GAMES ON THE RADIO.
WELL, THAT'S NICE TO HEAR.
I LIKE KIDS.

WELL, THAT'S NICE TO HEAR.
I LIKE KIDS.
I WAS AN ORPHAN MYSELF.

I LIKE KIDS.
I WAS AN ORPHAN MYSELF.
I'M SENSITIVE TO THEIR NEEDS.

I WAS AN ORPHAN MYSELF.
I'M SENSITIVE TO THEIR NEEDS.
AAAHHHH!

I'M SENSITIVE TO THEIR NEEDS.
AAAHHHH!
HOW'S THE LITTLE COLORED

AAAHHHH!
HOW'S THE LITTLE COLORED
FELLA, ANYWAY?

HOW'S THE LITTLE COLORED
FELLA, ANYWAY?
WELL... I'LL TELL YOU.

FELLA, ANYWAY?
WELL... I'LL TELL YOU.
HE'S, UH, HE'S A PRETTY SICK

WELL... I'LL TELL YOU.
HE'S, UH, HE'S A PRETTY SICK
BOY.

HE'S, UH, HE'S A PRETTY SICK
BOY.
IN FACT, EVEN HE DOESN'T KNOW

BOY.
IN FACT, EVEN HE DOESN'T KNOW
HOW SICK HE IS.

IN FACT, EVEN HE DOESN'T KNOW
HOW SICK HE IS.
BUT WE THINK HE COULD PULL

HOW SICK HE IS.
BUT WE THINK HE COULD PULL
THROUGH IF WE JUST KEEP HIS

BUT WE THINK HE COULD PULL
THROUGH IF WE JUST KEEP HIS
SPIRITS UP.

THROUGH IF WE JUST KEEP HIS
SPIRITS UP.
AND YOU'RE JUST THE PERSON WHO

SPIRITS UP.
AND YOU'RE JUST THE PERSON WHO
COULD DO IT.

AND YOU'RE JUST THE PERSON WHO
COULD DO IT.
YOU KNOW, I THINK HE'S WAKING

COULD DO IT.
YOU KNOW, I THINK HE'S WAKING
UP NOW.

YOU KNOW, I THINK HE'S WAKING
UP NOW.
HEY, LITTLE GUY.

UP NOW.
HEY, LITTLE GUY.
YOU HAVE A VISITOR.

HEY, LITTLE GUY.
YOU HAVE A VISITOR.
OH!

YOU HAVE A VISITOR.
OH!
IT'S THE BABE!

OH!
IT'S THE BABE!
WOW!

IT'S THE BABE!
WOW!
HIYA, KID!

WOW!
HIYA, KID!
HOW ARE YOU?

HIYA, KID!
HOW ARE YOU?
GEE, YOU CAME TO SEE ME,

HOW ARE YOU?
GEE, YOU CAME TO SEE ME,
BABE!

GEE, YOU CAME TO SEE ME,
BABE!
I THINK IT'S HELPING ALREADY.

BABE!
I THINK IT'S HELPING ALREADY.
HERE, KID.

I THINK IT'S HELPING ALREADY.
HERE, KID.
I BOUGHT YOU A PRESENT.

HERE, KID.
I BOUGHT YOU A PRESENT.
THERE YOU GO.

I BOUGHT YOU A PRESENT.
THERE YOU GO.
GEE! THANKS, BABE!

THERE YOU GO.
GEE! THANKS, BABE!
WELL, WE GOT A GAME AGAINST

GEE! THANKS, BABE!
WELL, WE GOT A GAME AGAINST
CLEVELAND THIS AFTERNOON.

WELL, WE GOT A GAME AGAINST
CLEVELAND THIS AFTERNOON.
I BETTER BE GOING TO THE

CLEVELAND THIS AFTERNOON.
I BETTER BE GOING TO THE
STADIUM.

I BETTER BE GOING TO THE
STADIUM.
AH, TAKE IT EASY, KID.

STADIUM.
AH, TAKE IT EASY, KID.
MR. RUTH, THANK YOU SO MUCH

AH, TAKE IT EASY, KID.
MR. RUTH, THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR STOPPING BY.

MR. RUTH, THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR STOPPING BY.
YES.

FOR STOPPING BY.
YES.
HEY, BABE?

YES.
HEY, BABE?
COULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR?

HEY, BABE?
COULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR?
OH, NO, I-I-I...

COULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR?
OH, NO, I-I-I...
SURE, KID!

OH, NO, I-I-I...
SURE, KID!
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

SURE, KID!
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
WELL... COULD YOU HIT A HOME

WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
WELL... COULD YOU HIT A HOME
RUN JUST FOR ME?

WELL... COULD YOU HIT A HOME
RUN JUST FOR ME?
AW, COME ON, SON.

RUN JUST FOR ME?
AW, COME ON, SON.
MR. RUTH CAN'T MAKE PROMISES

AW, COME ON, SON.
MR. RUTH CAN'T MAKE PROMISES
LIKE THAT.

MR. RUTH CAN'T MAKE PROMISES
LIKE THAT.
NO, NO, NO, IT'S ALL RIGHT!

LIKE THAT.
NO, NO, NO, IT'S ALL RIGHT!
I TELL YOU WHAT I'LL DO, KID.

NO, NO, NO, IT'S ALL RIGHT!
I TELL YOU WHAT I'LL DO, KID.
I'LL KNOCK ONE OUT OF THE PARK

I TELL YOU WHAT I'LL DO, KID.
I'LL KNOCK ONE OUT OF THE PARK
FOR YOU.

I'LL KNOCK ONE OUT OF THE PARK
FOR YOU.
YOU PROMISE ME YOU'LL PULL

FOR YOU.
YOU PROMISE ME YOU'LL PULL
THROUGH.

YOU PROMISE ME YOU'LL PULL
THROUGH.
IS THAT A DEAL?

THROUGH.
IS THAT A DEAL?
IT'S A DEAL.

IS THAT A DEAL?
IT'S A DEAL.
IT'S A DEAL.

IT'S A DEAL.
IT'S A DEAL.
YEAH, IT'S A DEAL!

IT'S A DEAL.
YEAH, IT'S A DEAL!
OKAY, KID.

YEAH, IT'S A DEAL!
OKAY, KID.
IT WAS A PERFECT DAY FOR A

OKAY, KID.
IT WAS A PERFECT DAY FOR A
BALLGAME AT YANKEE STADIUM.

IT WAS A PERFECT DAY FOR A
BALLGAME AT YANKEE STADIUM.
THE CLEVELAND INDIANS DIDN'T

BALLGAME AT YANKEE STADIUM.
THE CLEVELAND INDIANS DIDN'T
SCORE OFF RUFFING IN THE FIRST,

THE CLEVELAND INDIANS DIDN'T
SCORE OFF RUFFING IN THE FIRST,
BUT THE YANKEES HAD A THREAT

SCORE OFF RUFFING IN THE FIRST,
BUT THE YANKEES HAD A THREAT
GOING WITH LAZZERI ON FIRST.

BUT THE YANKEES HAD A THREAT
GOING WITH LAZZERI ON FIRST.
AND UP TO THE PLATE STEPPED THE

GOING WITH LAZZERI ON FIRST.
AND UP TO THE PLATE STEPPED THE
OLD BAMBINO HIMSELF.

AND UP TO THE PLATE STEPPED THE
OLD BAMBINO HIMSELF.
TWO QUICK STRIKES ON THE

OLD BAMBINO HIMSELF.
TWO QUICK STRIKES ON THE
BABE.

TWO QUICK STRIKES ON THE
BABE.
THE PITCHER'S IN HIS WINDUP.

BABE.
THE PITCHER'S IN HIS WINDUP.
THE BABE SWINGS, AND IT'S

THE PITCHER'S IN HIS WINDUP.
THE BABE SWINGS, AND IT'S
STRIKE THREE!

THE BABE SWINGS, AND IT'S
STRIKE THREE!
COME ON, BABE!

STRIKE THREE!
COME ON, BABE!
COME ON, BABE, BABY!

COME ON, BABE!
COME ON, BABE, BABY!
HE'LL GET IT THE NEXT TIME,

COME ON, BABE, BABY!
HE'LL GET IT THE NEXT TIME,
MAYBE.

HE'LL GET IT THE NEXT TIME,
MAYBE.
THE BABE CAME UP TO BAT AGAIN

MAYBE.
THE BABE CAME UP TO BAT AGAIN
IN THE FOURTH INNING.

THE BABE CAME UP TO BAT AGAIN
IN THE FOURTH INNING.
HOLDING THE BAT IN HIS HAND, HE

IN THE FOURTH INNING.
HOLDING THE BAT IN HIS HAND, HE
STRODE TO THE PLATE IN HIS

HOLDING THE BAT IN HIS HAND, HE
STRODE TO THE PLATE IN HIS
PIGEON-TOED, INIMITABLE STYLE.

STRODE TO THE PLATE IN HIS
PIGEON-TOED, INIMITABLE STYLE.
BUT, QUICKLY, THE DRUNKEN,

PIGEON-TOED, INIMITABLE STYLE.
BUT, QUICKLY, THE DRUNKEN,
OVERWEIGHT IDOL HAD TWO STRIKES

BUT, QUICKLY, THE DRUNKEN,
OVERWEIGHT IDOL HAD TWO STRIKES
ON HIM.

OVERWEIGHT IDOL HAD TWO STRIKES
ON HIM.
AN INTERESTING STORY, SPORTS

ON HIM.
AN INTERESTING STORY, SPORTS
FANS.

AN INTERESTING STORY, SPORTS
FANS.
BEFORE THE GAME, THE BABE TOLD

FANS.
BEFORE THE GAME, THE BABE TOLD
ME THAT HE PROMISED A LITTLE BOY

BEFORE THE GAME, THE BABE TOLD
ME THAT HE PROMISED A LITTLE BOY
WHO'S DYING IN THE HOSPITAL THAT

ME THAT HE PROMISED A LITTLE BOY
WHO'S DYING IN THE HOSPITAL THAT
HE'D HIT A HOME RUN FOR HIM

WHO'S DYING IN THE HOSPITAL THAT
HE'D HIT A HOME RUN FOR HIM
TODAY.

HE'D HIT A HOME RUN FOR HIM
TODAY.
I'M DYING?!

TODAY.
I'M DYING?!
AAHHH!

I'M DYING?!
AAHHH!
THE WINDUP AND THE PITCH...

AAHHH!
THE WINDUP AND THE PITCH...
OOPS, AND IT WON'T BE THIS TIME

THE WINDUP AND THE PITCH...
OOPS, AND IT WON'T BE THIS TIME
AT BAT AS THE BABE TAKES STRIKE

OOPS, AND IT WON'T BE THIS TIME
AT BAT AS THE BABE TAKES STRIKE
THREE, AND THE SCORE REMAINS

AT BAT AS THE BABE TAKES STRIKE
THREE, AND THE SCORE REMAINS
INDIANS 2 AND THE YANKEES

THREE, AND THE SCORE REMAINS
INDIANS 2 AND THE YANKEES
NOTHING.

INDIANS 2 AND THE YANKEES
NOTHING.
GOING INTO THE EIGHTH INNING,

NOTHING.
GOING INTO THE EIGHTH INNING,
IT WAS STILL 2-0 CLEVELAND.

GOING INTO THE EIGHTH INNING,
IT WAS STILL 2-0 CLEVELAND.
THE LITTLE BOY WAS HANGING ON

IT WAS STILL 2-0 CLEVELAND.
THE LITTLE BOY WAS HANGING ON
EVERY PITCH, AS IT SEEMED HIS

THE LITTLE BOY WAS HANGING ON
EVERY PITCH, AS IT SEEMED HIS
VERY HEALTH LAID ON THE BABE'S

EVERY PITCH, AS IT SEEMED HIS
VERY HEALTH LAID ON THE BABE'S
GAME.

VERY HEALTH LAID ON THE BABE'S
GAME.
BUT THE BABE STRUCK OUT AGAIN,

GAME.
BUT THE BABE STRUCK OUT AGAIN,
AND THINGS BEGAN TO LOOK BLEAK

BUT THE BABE STRUCK OUT AGAIN,
AND THINGS BEGAN TO LOOK BLEAK
GOING INTO THE NINTH INNING.

AND THINGS BEGAN TO LOOK BLEAK
GOING INTO THE NINTH INNING.
HE'S SINKING FAST.

GOING INTO THE NINTH INNING.
HE'S SINKING FAST.
DO WE HAVE OXYGEN READY?

HE'S SINKING FAST.
DO WE HAVE OXYGEN READY?
YES.

DO WE HAVE OXYGEN READY?
YES.
I-I DON'T BELIEVE THAT THE BABE

YES.
I-I DON'T BELIEVE THAT THE BABE
WOULD DO THIS TO HIM... THAT FAT

I-I DON'T BELIEVE THAT THE BABE
WOULD DO THIS TO HIM... THAT FAT
TUB OF LARD, YOU KNOW?

WOULD DO THIS TO HIM... THAT FAT
TUB OF LARD, YOU KNOW?
THERE'S TWO OUTS IN THE

TUB OF LARD, YOU KNOW?
THERE'S TWO OUTS IN THE
BOTTOM OF THE NINTH AND, UH,

THERE'S TWO OUTS IN THE
BOTTOM OF THE NINTH AND, UH,
LAZZERI MUST GET ON IF THE BABE

BOTTOM OF THE NINTH AND, UH,
LAZZERI MUST GET ON IF THE BABE
IS GONNA HAVE ANOTHER CHANCE AT

LAZZERI MUST GET ON IF THE BABE
IS GONNA HAVE ANOTHER CHANCE AT
THAT HOME RUN FOR THE LITTLE

IS GONNA HAVE ANOTHER CHANCE AT
THAT HOME RUN FOR THE LITTLE
DYING BOY, OF COURSE.

THAT HOME RUN FOR THE LITTLE
DYING BOY, OF COURSE.
THREE-TWO COUNT ON LAZZERI.

DYING BOY, OF COURSE.
THREE-TWO COUNT ON LAZZERI.
HERE'S THE PITCH, AND LAZZERI

THREE-TWO COUNT ON LAZZERI.
HERE'S THE PITCH, AND LAZZERI
POPS IT UP.

HERE'S THE PITCH, AND LAZZERI
POPS IT UP.
OH, NO!

POPS IT UP.
OH, NO!
THIS LOOKS LIKE IT'S THE

OH, NO!
THIS LOOKS LIKE IT'S THE
BALLGAME.

THIS LOOKS LIKE IT'S THE
BALLGAME.
NO, IT'S DROPPED!

BALLGAME.
NO, IT'S DROPPED!
HE DROPPED THE BALL, LADIES AND

NO, IT'S DROPPED!
HE DROPPED THE BALL, LADIES AND
GENTLEMAN!

HE DROPPED THE BALL, LADIES AND
GENTLEMAN!
LAZZERI IS SAFE AT FIRST, AND

GENTLEMAN!
LAZZERI IS SAFE AT FIRST, AND
THE BABE WILL HAVE ANOTHER SHOT

LAZZERI IS SAFE AT FIRST, AND
THE BABE WILL HAVE ANOTHER SHOT
AT IT.

THE BABE WILL HAVE ANOTHER SHOT
AT IT.
HOLY COW!

AT IT.
HOLY COW!
NURSE, UH, YOU'D BETTER CALL

HOLY COW!
NURSE, UH, YOU'D BETTER CALL
HIS PARENTS.

NURSE, UH, YOU'D BETTER CALL
HIS PARENTS.
FATHER, YOU'D BETTER STAND BY.

HIS PARENTS.
FATHER, YOU'D BETTER STAND BY.
WE STILL MIGHT BE NEEDING YOU

FATHER, YOU'D BETTER STAND BY.
WE STILL MIGHT BE NEEDING YOU
HERE.

WE STILL MIGHT BE NEEDING YOU
HERE.
YES, OF COURSE.

HERE.
YES, OF COURSE.
RUTH STEPS UP TO THE PLATE.

YES, OF COURSE.
RUTH STEPS UP TO THE PLATE.
THE BABE DIGS IN.

RUTH STEPS UP TO THE PLATE.
THE BABE DIGS IN.
HE SWINGS, AND IT'S A LONG FLY

THE BABE DIGS IN.
HE SWINGS, AND IT'S A LONG FLY
BALL!

HE SWINGS, AND IT'S A LONG FLY
BALL!
THAT BABY IS BACK THERE!

BALL!
THAT BABY IS BACK THERE!
IT'S BACK!

THAT BABY IS BACK THERE!
IT'S BACK!
IT'S CURVING... FOUL!

IT'S BACK!
IT'S CURVING... FOUL!
NEXT TIME YOU COME BY, BRING

IT'S CURVING... FOUL!
NEXT TIME YOU COME BY, BRING
MY STOMACH, WILL YOU?

NEXT TIME YOU COME BY, BRING
MY STOMACH, WILL YOU?
WELL, THIS IS IT FOR RUTH IF

MY STOMACH, WILL YOU?
WELL, THIS IS IT FOR RUTH IF
HE'S GONNA KEEP HIS PROMISE TO

WELL, THIS IS IT FOR RUTH IF
HE'S GONNA KEEP HIS PROMISE TO
THAT KID, WHO'S ABOUT TO DIE, I

HE'S GONNA KEEP HIS PROMISE TO
THAT KID, WHO'S ABOUT TO DIE, I
GUESS.

THAT KID, WHO'S ABOUT TO DIE, I
GUESS.
HERE'S THE PITCH.

GUESS.
HERE'S THE PITCH.
RUTH HITS IT FAR!

HERE'S THE PITCH.
RUTH HITS IT FAR!
THAT BABY'S WAY BACK THERE!

RUTH HITS IT FAR!
THAT BABY'S WAY BACK THERE!
BACK! BACK!

THAT BABY'S WAY BACK THERE!
BACK! BACK!
BUT IT'S CURVING, CURVING...

BACK! BACK!
BUT IT'S CURVING, CURVING...
FOUL!

BUT IT'S CURVING, CURVING...
FOUL!
OH, BROTHER! HOLY COW!

FOUL!
OH, BROTHER! HOLY COW!
YOU CAN'T HELP BUT WONDER WHY

OH, BROTHER! HOLY COW!
YOU CAN'T HELP BUT WONDER WHY
THE BABE IS DOING THIS, ANYWAY.

YOU CAN'T HELP BUT WONDER WHY
THE BABE IS DOING THIS, ANYWAY.
WELL, THE CROWD'S REALLY PULLING

THE BABE IS DOING THIS, ANYWAY.
WELL, THE CROWD'S REALLY PULLING
FOR THE SULTAN OF SWAT.

WELL, THE CROWD'S REALLY PULLING
FOR THE SULTAN OF SWAT.
THEY REALLY WANT HIM TO PUT ONE

FOR THE SULTAN OF SWAT.
THEY REALLY WANT HIM TO PUT ONE
OUT.

THEY REALLY WANT HIM TO PUT ONE
OUT.
IF ONLY THE WHOLE CROWD HERE

OUT.
IF ONLY THE WHOLE CROWD HERE
KNEW THAT THIS LITTLE KID'S

IF ONLY THE WHOLE CROWD HERE
KNEW THAT THIS LITTLE KID'S
GONNA DIE ALMOST ANY SECOND.

KNEW THAT THIS LITTLE KID'S
GONNA DIE ALMOST ANY SECOND.
HERE'S THE PITCH.

GONNA DIE ALMOST ANY SECOND.
HERE'S THE PITCH.
THE BABE SWINGS!

HERE'S THE PITCH.
THE BABE SWINGS!
AND IT'S A LONG FLY BALL TO DEEP

THE BABE SWINGS!
AND IT'S A LONG FLY BALL TO DEEP
RIGHT FIELD!

AND IT'S A LONG FLY BALL TO DEEP
RIGHT FIELD!
THE OUTFIELDER'S DRIFTING BACK,

RIGHT FIELD!
THE OUTFIELDER'S DRIFTING BACK,
BACK!

THE OUTFIELDER'S DRIFTING BACK,
BACK!
THAT BALL IS GOING... GOING...

BACK!
THAT BALL IS GOING... GOING...
IT IS CAUGHT AT THE WALL!

THAT BALL IS GOING... GOING...
IT IS CAUGHT AT THE WALL!
WELL, THAT WAS THE BALLGAME.

IT IS CAUGHT AT THE WALL!
WELL, THAT WAS THE BALLGAME.
MAYBE BABE TRIED TO HIT A HOME

WELL, THAT WAS THE BALLGAME.
MAYBE BABE TRIED TO HIT A HOME
RUN THAT DAY AND FAILED.

MAYBE BABE TRIED TO HIT A HOME
RUN THAT DAY AND FAILED.
THEN, AGAIN, MAYBE HE FORGOT THE

RUN THAT DAY AND FAILED.
THEN, AGAIN, MAYBE HE FORGOT THE
PROMISE HE MADE TO THE LITTLE

THEN, AGAIN, MAYBE HE FORGOT THE
PROMISE HE MADE TO THE LITTLE
BOY.

PROMISE HE MADE TO THE LITTLE
BOY.
AND SOME EVEN SAID THAT THE BABE

BOY.
AND SOME EVEN SAID THAT THE BABE
WAS DRUNK AND DIDN'T DO IT ON

AND SOME EVEN SAID THAT THE BABE
WAS DRUNK AND DIDN'T DO IT ON
PURPOSE.

WAS DRUNK AND DIDN'T DO IT ON
PURPOSE.
I, BEING AN ATHLETE MYSELF,

PURPOSE.
I, BEING AN ATHLETE MYSELF,
FRANKLY FIND THAT HARD TO

I, BEING AN ATHLETE MYSELF,
FRANKLY FIND THAT HARD TO
BELIEVE.

FRANKLY FIND THAT HARD TO
BELIEVE.
WHATEVER THE TRUE STORY WAS,

BELIEVE.
WHATEVER THE TRUE STORY WAS,
THOUGH, IT WAS YET ANOTHER CASE

WHATEVER THE TRUE STORY WAS,
THOUGH, IT WAS YET ANOTHER CASE
OF A WHITE MAN BREAKING A

THOUGH, IT WAS YET ANOTHER CASE
OF A WHITE MAN BREAKING A
PROMISE TO A POOR, LITTLE

OF A WHITE MAN BREAKING A
PROMISE TO A POOR, LITTLE
COLORED BOY.

PROMISE TO A POOR, LITTLE
COLORED BOY.
BUT THERE IS A MORAL TO THIS

COLORED BOY.
BUT THERE IS A MORAL TO THIS
STORY.

BUT THERE IS A MORAL TO THIS
STORY.
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE REVENGE

STORY.
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE REVENGE
OF A BLACK MAN, BECAUSE LITTLE

NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE REVENGE
OF A BLACK MAN, BECAUSE LITTLE
HANK AARON...

OF A BLACK MAN, BECAUSE LITTLE
HANK AARON...
CAME THROUGH AND WENT ON TO

HANK AARON...
CAME THROUGH AND WENT ON TO
BREAK ALL OF BABE RUTH'S

CAME THROUGH AND WENT ON TO
BREAK ALL OF BABE RUTH'S
RECORDS, ANYWAY.

BREAK ALL OF BABE RUTH'S
RECORDS, ANYWAY.
THANKS FOR WATCHING "GREAT

RECORDS, ANYWAY.
THANKS FOR WATCHING "GREAT
MOMENTS IN SPORTS."

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, ASHFORD
AND SIMPSON.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

♪ SO FULL ♪
♪ SO WARM ♪
♪ LIKE BEING DRIED OUT

♪ SO WARM ♪
♪ LIKE BEING DRIED OUT
AFTER A STORM ♪

♪ LIKE BEING DRIED OUT
AFTER A STORM ♪
♪ OOH, OOH ♪

AFTER A STORM ♪
♪ OOH, OOH ♪
♪ NEW BLOOD RUNNIN',

♪ OOH, OOH ♪
♪ NEW BLOOD RUNNIN',
RUNNIN' THROUGH MY VEINS,

♪ NEW BLOOD RUNNIN',
RUNNIN' THROUGH MY VEINS,
YEAH ♪

RUNNIN' THROUGH MY VEINS,
YEAH ♪
♪ LOOKS LIKE THAT CLEAR DAY

YEAH ♪
♪ LOOKS LIKE THAT CLEAR DAY
FINALLY CAME ♪

♪ LOOKS LIKE THAT CLEAR DAY
FINALLY CAME ♪
♪ OOH-OOH ♪

FINALLY CAME ♪
♪ OOH-OOH ♪
♪ FEELIN' HIGH ♪

♪ OOH-OOH ♪
♪ FEELIN' HIGH ♪
♪ AND SO, SO SATISFIED ♪

♪ FEELIN' HIGH ♪
♪ AND SO, SO SATISFIED ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪

♪ AND SO, SO SATISFIED ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪

♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ SO SATISFIED ♪

♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ SO SATISFIED ♪
♪ OOH ♪

♪ SO SATISFIED ♪
♪ OOH ♪
NOW LISTEN.

♪ OOH ♪
NOW LISTEN.
♪ THIS MUST BE, YEAH,

NOW LISTEN.
♪ THIS MUST BE, YEAH,
MUST BE ALL THERE IS ♪

♪ THIS MUST BE, YEAH,
MUST BE ALL THERE IS ♪
♪ 'CAUSE ONLY LOVE,

MUST BE ALL THERE IS ♪
♪ 'CAUSE ONLY LOVE,
LOVE BRINGS WITH IT

♪ 'CAUSE ONLY LOVE,
LOVE BRINGS WITH IT
JOY AND TEARS ♪

LOVE BRINGS WITH IT
JOY AND TEARS ♪
♪ OOH ♪

JOY AND TEARS ♪
♪ OOH ♪
♪ WHOO ♪

♪ OOH ♪
♪ WHOO ♪
♪ I WON'T TRY,

♪ WHOO ♪
♪ I WON'T TRY,
I WON'T TRY TO UNDERSTAND,

♪ I WON'T TRY,
I WON'T TRY TO UNDERSTAND,
OH, NO ♪

I WON'T TRY TO UNDERSTAND,
OH, NO ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪

OH, NO ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ I SURRENDER IT ALL

♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ I SURRENDER IT ALL
INTO YOUR HANDS ♪

♪ I SURRENDER IT ALL
INTO YOUR HANDS ♪
♪ OOH-OOH ♪

INTO YOUR HANDS ♪
♪ OOH-OOH ♪
♪ FEELIN' HIGH ♪

♪ OOH-OOH ♪
♪ FEELIN' HIGH ♪
♪ WHOO ♪

♪ FEELIN' HIGH ♪
♪ WHOO ♪
♪ AND SO, SO SATISFIED ♪

♪ WHOO ♪
♪ AND SO, SO SATISFIED ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪

♪ AND SO, SO SATISFIED ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪

♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ SO SATISFIED ♪

♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ SO SATISFIED ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪

♪ SO SATISFIED ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ FEELIN' HIGH ♪

♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ FEELIN' HIGH ♪
♪ I WANT YOU,

♪ FEELIN' HIGH ♪
♪ I WANT YOU,
I WANT YOU TO LIFT ME ♪

♪ I WANT YOU,
I WANT YOU TO LIFT ME ♪
♪ YEAH ♪

I WANT YOU TO LIFT ME ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ SO, SO SATISFIED ♪

♪ YEAH ♪
♪ SO, SO SATISFIED ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪

♪ SO, SO SATISFIED ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪

♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ WHOO-OOH-OOH ♪

♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ WHOO-OOH-OOH ♪
♪ I SAID LIFT ME, LIFT ME ♪

♪ WHOO-OOH-OOH ♪
♪ I SAID LIFT ME, LIFT ME ♪
♪ FEELIN' HIGH ♪

♪ I SAID LIFT ME, LIFT ME ♪
♪ FEELIN' HIGH ♪
♪ HEY-HEY ♪

♪ FEELIN' HIGH ♪
♪ HEY-HEY ♪
♪ AND SO, SO SATISFIED ♪

♪ HEY-HEY ♪
♪ AND SO, SO SATISFIED ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪

♪ AND SO, SO SATISFIED ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ YEAH ♪

♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ SO SATISFIED ♪

♪ YEAH ♪
♪ SO SATISFIED ♪
♪ WHOO-OOH-OOH ♪

♪ SO SATISFIED ♪
♪ WHOO-OOH-OOH ♪
♪ FEELIN' HIGH

♪ WHOO-OOH-OOH ♪
♪ FEELIN' HIGH
AND SO, SO SATIS...

♪ FEELIN' HIGH
AND SO, SO SATIS...
SO, SO SATIS...

AND SO, SO SATIS...
SO, SO SATIS...
SO, SO SATISFIED ♪

SO, SO SATIS...
SO, SO SATISFIED ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

YES, MOHAWKS ARE BACK!
AND NOW ROTHCO INTRODUCES THE
HAIRSTYLING AID OF THE CENTURY.

AND NOW ROTHCO INTRODUCES THE
HAIRSTYLING AID OF THE CENTURY.
IT'S THE AMAZING MOHAWK

HAIRSTYLING AID OF THE CENTURY.
IT'S THE AMAZING MOHAWK
MASTER... THE FAST, NEW, EASY

IT'S THE AMAZING MOHAWK
MASTER... THE FAST, NEW, EASY
WAY TO GIVE CLEAN MOHAWK

MASTER... THE FAST, NEW, EASY
WAY TO GIVE CLEAN MOHAWK
HAIRCUTS.

WAY TO GIVE CLEAN MOHAWK
HAIRCUTS.
THE MOHAWK MASTER IS THE ONLY

HAIRCUTS.
THE MOHAWK MASTER IS THE ONLY
HAIRCUTTING TOOL THAT HAS TWO

THE MOHAWK MASTER IS THE ONLY
HAIRCUTTING TOOL THAT HAS TWO
RAZOR-SHARP, TEMPERED-STEEL,

HAIRCUTTING TOOL THAT HAS TWO
RAZOR-SHARP, TEMPERED-STEEL,
HIGH-SPEED CLIPPERS DESIGNED,

RAZOR-SHARP, TEMPERED-STEEL,
HIGH-SPEED CLIPPERS DESIGNED,
ENGINEERED, AND BUILT FOR ONE

HIGH-SPEED CLIPPERS DESIGNED,
ENGINEERED, AND BUILT FOR ONE
PURPOSE AND ONE PURPOSE ONLY...

ENGINEERED, AND BUILT FOR ONE
PURPOSE AND ONE PURPOSE ONLY...
TO CUT MOHAWKS!

PURPOSE AND ONE PURPOSE ONLY...
TO CUT MOHAWKS!
YES, MOM, NOW YOU CAN GIVE YOUR

TO CUT MOHAWKS!
YES, MOM, NOW YOU CAN GIVE YOUR
FAMILY MOHAWKS ANYTIME.

YES, MOM, NOW YOU CAN GIVE YOUR
FAMILY MOHAWKS ANYTIME.
IMPRESS THEM BY USING THE FAST,

FAMILY MOHAWKS ANYTIME.
IMPRESS THEM BY USING THE FAST,
SAFE, COMFORTABLE MOHAWK MASTER.

IMPRESS THEM BY USING THE FAST,
SAFE, COMFORTABLE MOHAWK MASTER.
[BUZZING]

HEY-HEY!
NICE MOHAWK, HONEY!
THANKS!

NICE MOHAWK, HONEY!
THANKS!
NOW YOU CAN USE THE MOHAWK

THANKS!
NOW YOU CAN USE THE MOHAWK
MASTER TO GIVE MY MOHAWK A TRIM!

NOW YOU CAN USE THE MOHAWK
MASTER TO GIVE MY MOHAWK A TRIM!
YES, FINALLY THERE'S NO

MASTER TO GIVE MY MOHAWK A TRIM!
YES, FINALLY THERE'S NO
REASON WHY YOU CAN'T GIVE

YES, FINALLY THERE'S NO
REASON WHY YOU CAN'T GIVE
EVERYONE A MOHAWK.

REASON WHY YOU CAN'T GIVE
EVERYONE A MOHAWK.
GIVE ONE TO JUNIOR AND GRANDMA!

EVERYONE A MOHAWK.
GIVE ONE TO JUNIOR AND GRANDMA!
AND LOOK!

GIVE ONE TO JUNIOR AND GRANDMA!
AND LOOK!
SPARKY'S GOT ONE, TOO!

AND LOOK!
SPARKY'S GOT ONE, TOO!
FOR THE CLEANEST, SQUAREST,

SPARKY'S GOT ONE, TOO!
FOR THE CLEANEST, SQUAREST,
2-INCH-WIDE MOHAWK YOU'LL EVER

FOR THE CLEANEST, SQUAREST,
2-INCH-WIDE MOHAWK YOU'LL EVER
SEE, IT'S THE MOHAWK MASTER

2-INCH-WIDE MOHAWK YOU'LL EVER
SEE, IT'S THE MOHAWK MASTER
FAMILY MOHAWK CLIPPERS FROM

SEE, IT'S THE MOHAWK MASTER
FAMILY MOHAWK CLIPPERS FROM
ROTHCO.

FAMILY MOHAWK CLIPPERS FROM
ROTHCO.
MOM, HERE'S HOW TO ORDER...

Announcer: NBC's "BIG EVENT."
NEXT WEEK, "THE RAID ON

NEXT WEEK, "THE RAID ON
NICOSIA."

NICOSIA."
NOW, ONLY ONE WEEK AFTER THE

NOW, ONLY ONE WEEK AFTER THE
ACTUAL EVENT, NBC BRINGS TO THE

ACTUAL EVENT, NBC BRINGS TO THE
TELEVISION SCREEN THE MOST

TELEVISION SCREEN THE MOST
DARING MILITARY ACTION SINCE

DARING MILITARY ACTION SINCE
"THE RAID ON ENTEBBE."

"THE RAID ON ENTEBBE."
DON'T MISS "THE RAID ON

DON'T MISS "THE RAID ON
NICOSIA."

SHERMAN HEMSLEY IS EGYPTIAN

PRESIDENT ANWAR EL SADAT.

IF THE ISRAELIS CAN DO IT,

SO CAN WE, REALLY.

Announcer: TONY ORLANDO IS

NADIL SHUKRY, THE BRAVE EGYPTIAN

COMMANDO LEADER.

OKAY, MEN, YOU GO ON AHEAD.

Announcer: O.J. SIMPSON IS

U.N. AMBASSADOR ANDREW YOUNG.

NOT GET INVOLVED?!

I'VE GOT TO GET INVOLVED.

IT'S MY NATURE.

Announcer: INTRODUCING

DEBBIE BOONE AS LYNN, THE

STEWARDESS.

SO WHAT IF HE'S A TERRORIST,

AND I'M A STEWARDESS?

WE CAN MAKE IT WORK!

Announcer: "THE RAID ON
NICOSIA"... IT'S A STORY OF
KIDNAPPING.

NICOSIA"... IT'S A STORY OF
KIDNAPPING.
IT'S A STORY OF HIJACKING.

KIDNAPPING.
IT'S A STORY OF HIJACKING.
IT'S A STORY OF A SPECTACULAR

IT'S A STORY OF HIJACKING.
IT'S A STORY OF A SPECTACULAR
RESCUE ATTEMPT.

ROBERT STACK IS CYRUS VANCE, A

SECRETARY OF STATE WITH A LOT AT

STAKE.

YEAH, WELL, I WANT TO KNOW

WHAT'S GOING ON, AND I WANT TO

KNOW NOW.

Announcer: SPECIAL GUEST

HELEN HAYES IS EVA DOBRIG,

HOSTAGE.

FIRST THEY SAY THEY'LL LET US

GO.

THEN THEY SAY WE HAVE TO WAIT.

I'M ALL MIXED UP.

Announcer: VALERIE HARPER IS

MRS. JEHAN EL SADAT.

HONEY, IT'S FOR YOU.

Announcer: ED ASNER IS

YASSER ARAFAT, THE PLO LEADER

WHO REFUSED THE TERRORIST PHONE

CALLS.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

HELLO, PLO?

UH, NO, I'M SORRY.

HE JUST STEPPED OUT.

Announcer: "THE RAID ON
NICOSIA"... IT'S A STORY OF
TERRORISM.

NICOSIA"... IT'S A STORY OF
TERRORISM.
IT'S A STORY OF ROMANCE.

TERRORISM.
IT'S A STORY OF ROMANCE.
IT'S A STORY EVERYBODY WILL

IT'S A STORY OF ROMANCE.
IT'S A STORY EVERYBODY WILL
LIKE.

LIKE.
NO RAID WAS EVER QUITE LIKE

NO RAID WAS EVER QUITE LIKE
THIS.

THIS.
DON'T MISS "THE RAID ON

DON'T MISS "THE RAID ON
NICOSIA," TUESDAY AT 9:00, 8:00

NICOSIA," TUESDAY AT 9:00, 8:00
CENTRAL TIME.

Announcer: AND NOW "WEEKEND
UPDATE," WITH THE "WEEKEND
UPDATE" NEWS TEAM.

UPDATE," WITH THE "WEEKEND
UPDATE" NEWS TEAM.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY DORGMO, THE

UPDATE" NEWS TEAM.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY DORGMO, THE
GOLDEN SHOWER OF DANISH BEERS.

BROUGHT TO YOU BY DORGMO, THE
GOLDEN SHOWER OF DANISH BEERS.
HERE ARE CO-ANCHORPERSONS

GOLDEN SHOWER OF DANISH BEERS.
HERE ARE CO-ANCHORPERSONS
DAN AYKROYD AND JANE CURTIN.

HERE ARE CO-ANCHORPERSONS
DAN AYKROYD AND JANE CURTIN.
GOOD EVENING.

DAN AYKROYD AND JANE CURTIN.
GOOD EVENING.
I'M PRETTY SURE I'M DAN AYKROYD,

GOOD EVENING.
I'M PRETTY SURE I'M DAN AYKROYD,
AND...

I'M PRETTY SURE I'M DAN AYKROYD,
AND...
AND I'M POSITIVE I'M

AND...
AND I'M POSITIVE I'M
JANE CURTIN.

AND I'M POSITIVE I'M
JANE CURTIN.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...

JANE CURTIN.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...
FORMER ATTORNEY GENERAL

OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...
FORMER ATTORNEY GENERAL
JOHN MITCHELL WAS GIVEN TWO MORE

FORMER ATTORNEY GENERAL
JOHN MITCHELL WAS GIVEN TWO MORE
WEEKS OF FURLOUGH FROM PRISON SO

JOHN MITCHELL WAS GIVEN TWO MORE
WEEKS OF FURLOUGH FROM PRISON SO
THAT HE MIGHT CONTINUE HIS

WEEKS OF FURLOUGH FROM PRISON SO
THAT HE MIGHT CONTINUE HIS
RECOVERY FROM ARTERIAL SURGERY.

THAT HE MIGHT CONTINUE HIS
RECOVERY FROM ARTERIAL SURGERY.
MITCHELL ALSO FACES ANOTHER

RECOVERY FROM ARTERIAL SURGERY.
MITCHELL ALSO FACES ANOTHER
MAJOR OPERATION FOR REPLACEMENT

MITCHELL ALSO FACES ANOTHER
MAJOR OPERATION FOR REPLACEMENT
OF AN ARTHRITIC HIP.

MAJOR OPERATION FOR REPLACEMENT
OF AN ARTHRITIC HIP.
ACCORDING TO OUR SOURCES,

OF AN ARTHRITIC HIP.
ACCORDING TO OUR SOURCES,
MITCHELL'S SECRET PLAN IS TO

ACCORDING TO OUR SOURCES,
MITCHELL'S SECRET PLAN IS TO
SYSTEMATICALLY REPLACE EVERY

MITCHELL'S SECRET PLAN IS TO
SYSTEMATICALLY REPLACE EVERY
LIMB, ORGAN, JOINT, AND GLAND IN

SYSTEMATICALLY REPLACE EVERY
LIMB, ORGAN, JOINT, AND GLAND IN
HIS BODY, SEND HIS NEW VERSION

LIMB, ORGAN, JOINT, AND GLAND IN
HIS BODY, SEND HIS NEW VERSION
BACK TO PRISON, THUS ALLOWING

HIS BODY, SEND HIS NEW VERSION
BACK TO PRISON, THUS ALLOWING
THE ORIGINAL TO VISIT HIMSELF ON

BACK TO PRISON, THUS ALLOWING
THE ORIGINAL TO VISIT HIMSELF ON
WEEKENDS.

THE ORIGINAL TO VISIT HIMSELF ON
WEEKENDS.
ELIZABETH RAY, ONETIME

WEEKENDS.
ELIZABETH RAY, ONETIME
CAPITAL HILL SECRETARY AND

ELIZABETH RAY, ONETIME
CAPITAL HILL SECRETARY AND
COMPANION TO FORMER

CAPITAL HILL SECRETARY AND
COMPANION TO FORMER
REPRESENTATIVE WAYNE HAYS, HAS

COMPANION TO FORMER
REPRESENTATIVE WAYNE HAYS, HAS
ENDORSED HAYS IN HIS QUEST FOR A

REPRESENTATIVE WAYNE HAYS, HAS
ENDORSED HAYS IN HIS QUEST FOR A
SEAT IN THE OHIO STATE

ENDORSED HAYS IN HIS QUEST FOR A
SEAT IN THE OHIO STATE
LEGISLATURE.

SEAT IN THE OHIO STATE
LEGISLATURE.
MISS RAY SAYS SHE'S GLAD TO BE

LEGISLATURE.
MISS RAY SAYS SHE'S GLAD TO BE
BACK IN POLITICS AND VICE VERSA.

MISS RAY SAYS SHE'S GLAD TO BE
BACK IN POLITICS AND VICE VERSA.
DAN?

BACK IN POLITICS AND VICE VERSA.
DAN?
THIS JUST IN, JANE.

DAN?
THIS JUST IN, JANE.
IN A SURPRISE MOVE, THE STATE OF

THIS JUST IN, JANE.
IN A SURPRISE MOVE, THE STATE OF
GEORGIA HAS CHANGED ITS NAME TO

IN A SURPRISE MOVE, THE STATE OF
GEORGIA HAS CHANGED ITS NAME TO
CHARLENE.

GEORGIA HAS CHANGED ITS NAME TO
CHARLENE.
THEY GAVE NO REASON FOR THIS

CHARLENE.
THEY GAVE NO REASON FOR THIS
ACTION.

THEY GAVE NO REASON FOR THIS
ACTION.
AND HERE'S INTERESTING NEWS FOR

ACTION.
AND HERE'S INTERESTING NEWS FOR
CLASSICAL PIANO LOVERS.

AND HERE'S INTERESTING NEWS FOR
CLASSICAL PIANO LOVERS.
MUSICOLOGISTS HAVE RECENTLY

CLASSICAL PIANO LOVERS.
MUSICOLOGISTS HAVE RECENTLY
DISCOVERED ANCIENT MANUSCRIPTS

MUSICOLOGISTS HAVE RECENTLY
DISCOVERED ANCIENT MANUSCRIPTS
FOUND INSIDE A FALSE LIBRARY

DISCOVERED ANCIENT MANUSCRIPTS
FOUND INSIDE A FALSE LIBRARY
WALL OF AN OLD HOUSE IN

FOUND INSIDE A FALSE LIBRARY
WALL OF AN OLD HOUSE IN
GUTERSTRASSE, IN BERLIN, IN

WALL OF AN OLD HOUSE IN
GUTERSTRASSE, IN BERLIN, IN
BEETHOVEN'S HAND, COMPLETELY

GUTERSTRASSE, IN BERLIN, IN
BEETHOVEN'S HAND, COMPLETELY
CHANGING THE FAMILIAR OPENING OF

BEETHOVEN'S HAND, COMPLETELY
CHANGING THE FAMILIAR OPENING OF
HIS PIANO SONATA NUMBER 2, OPUS

CHANGING THE FAMILIAR OPENING OF
HIS PIANO SONATA NUMBER 2, OPUS
27, POPULARLY KNOWN AS "THE

HIS PIANO SONATA NUMBER 2, OPUS
27, POPULARLY KNOWN AS "THE
MOONLIGHT SONATA."

27, POPULARLY KNOWN AS "THE
MOONLIGHT SONATA."
HERE IS HOW WE ARE USED TO

MOONLIGHT SONATA."
HERE IS HOW WE ARE USED TO
HEARING THE OPENING OF "THE

HERE IS HOW WE ARE USED TO
HEARING THE OPENING OF "THE
MOONLIGHT SONATA"...

HEARING THE OPENING OF "THE
MOONLIGHT SONATA"...
[PIANO PLAYS

MOONLIGHT SONATA"...
[PIANO PLAYS
"MOONLIGHT SONATA"]

AND HERE IS HOW BEETHOVEN
ORIGINALLY, ACCORDING TO THESE
MANUSCRIPTS, INTENDED IT TO BE

ORIGINALLY, ACCORDING TO THESE
MANUSCRIPTS, INTENDED IT TO BE
PLAYED.

MANUSCRIPTS, INTENDED IT TO BE
PLAYED.
[PIANO PLAYING UP-TEMPO

PLAYED.
[PIANO PLAYING UP-TEMPO
"MOONLIGHT SONATA"]

[PIANO PLAYING UP-TEMPO
"MOONLIGHT SONATA"]
RCA VICTOR RED SEAL LABEL IS

["MOONLIGHT SONATA"]
RCA VICTOR RED SEAL LABEL IS
RECALLING SOME 10,000 CLASSICAL

RCA VICTOR RED SEAL LABEL IS
RECALLING SOME 10,000 CLASSICAL
PIANO RECORDS AS A RESULT OF

RECALLING SOME 10,000 CLASSICAL
PIANO RECORDS AS A RESULT OF
THIS FINDING.

PIANO RECORDS AS A RESULT OF
THIS FINDING.
JANE?

THIS FINDING.
JANE?
AND NOW HERE'S STARGAZER

JANE?
AND NOW HERE'S STARGAZER
BILL MURRAY, WHO'S FILED THIS

AND NOW HERE'S STARGAZER
BILL MURRAY, WHO'S FILED THIS
REPORT.

BILL MURRAY, WHO'S FILED THIS
REPORT.
BILL?

REPORT.
BILL?
THANK YOU, JANE.

BILL?
THANK YOU, JANE.
HELLO, KNUCKLEHEADS.

THANK YOU, JANE.
HELLO, KNUCKLEHEADS.
HOW'S IT GOING?

HELLO, KNUCKLEHEADS.
HOW'S IT GOING?
GET OUT OF HERE.

HOW'S IT GOING?
GET OUT OF HERE.
WELL, THIS WEEK THE ACADEMY

GET OUT OF HERE.
WELL, THIS WEEK THE ACADEMY
AWARD NOMINATIONS WERE

WELL, THIS WEEK THE ACADEMY
AWARD NOMINATIONS WERE
ANNOUNCED, AND I GUESS THE BIG

AWARD NOMINATIONS WERE
ANNOUNCED, AND I GUESS THE BIG
NEWS IS THAT WOODY ALLEN WAS

ANNOUNCED, AND I GUESS THE BIG
NEWS IS THAT WOODY ALLEN WAS
NOMINATED IN THREE CATEGORIES...

NEWS IS THAT WOODY ALLEN WAS
NOMINATED IN THREE CATEGORIES...
BEST DIRECTOR, BEST ACTOR, AND

NOMINATED IN THREE CATEGORIES...
BEST DIRECTOR, BEST ACTOR, AND
BEST SCREENPLAY.

BEST DIRECTOR, BEST ACTOR, AND
BEST SCREENPLAY.
SO SUDDENLY EVERYBODY'S GOING,

BEST SCREENPLAY.
SO SUDDENLY EVERYBODY'S GOING,
"HEY, IT'S 1940, I GUESS.

SO SUDDENLY EVERYBODY'S GOING,
"HEY, IT'S 1940, I GUESS.
IT'S ORSON WELLES.

"HEY, IT'S 1940, I GUESS.
IT'S ORSON WELLES.
IT'S 'CITIZEN KANE, ' HUH?"

IT'S ORSON WELLES.
IT'S 'CITIZEN KANE, ' HUH?"
NOW I DON'T WANT TO TAKE

IT'S 'CITIZEN KANE, ' HUH?"
NOW I DON'T WANT TO TAKE
ANYTHING AWAY FROM WOODY ALLEN,

NOW I DON'T WANT TO TAKE
ANYTHING AWAY FROM WOODY ALLEN,
BECAUSE THE "WOOD MAN" IS A NUT,

ANYTHING AWAY FROM WOODY ALLEN,
BECAUSE THE "WOOD MAN" IS A NUT,
AND I LOVE HIM.

BECAUSE THE "WOOD MAN" IS A NUT,
AND I LOVE HIM.
HE'S TERRIFIC.

AND I LOVE HIM.
HE'S TERRIFIC.
GET OUT OF HERE, WOODY.

HE'S TERRIFIC.
GET OUT OF HERE, WOODY.
BUT TO THIS DAY, WHEN SOMEBODY

GET OUT OF HERE, WOODY.
BUT TO THIS DAY, WHEN SOMEBODY
SAYS TO ME, "WHAT'S UP?" I SAY,

BUT TO THIS DAY, WHEN SOMEBODY
SAYS TO ME, "WHAT'S UP?" I SAY,
"TIGER LILY," BECAUSE I THINK

SAYS TO ME, "WHAT'S UP?" I SAY,
"TIGER LILY," BECAUSE I THINK
IT'S THE BEST THING HE EVER DID

"TIGER LILY," BECAUSE I THINK
IT'S THE BEST THING HE EVER DID
STILL.

IT'S THE BEST THING HE EVER DID
STILL.
BUT I THINK TRYING TO TELL ME

STILL.
BUT I THINK TRYING TO TELL ME
THAT WOODY ALLEN IS GOING TO

BUT I THINK TRYING TO TELL ME
THAT WOODY ALLEN IS GOING TO
GAIN 400 POUNDS IN 10 YEARS?

THAT WOODY ALLEN IS GOING TO
GAIN 400 POUNDS IN 10 YEARS?
UNH-UNH.

GAIN 400 POUNDS IN 10 YEARS?
UNH-UNH.
NO, I DON'T THINK SO.

UNH-UNH.
NO, I DON'T THINK SO.
IS "MR. I DON'T WANT TO TALK

NO, I DON'T THINK SO.
IS "MR. I DON'T WANT TO TALK
SHOW BUSINESS" ALLEN GONNA START

IS "MR. I DON'T WANT TO TALK
SHOW BUSINESS" ALLEN GONNA START
DOING THE DEAN MARTIN ROASTS?

SHOW BUSINESS" ALLEN GONNA START
DOING THE DEAN MARTIN ROASTS?
NO, I DON'T THINK SO.

DOING THE DEAN MARTIN ROASTS?
NO, I DON'T THINK SO.
SO, WOODY, KEEP WHAT YOU'RE

NO, I DON'T THINK SO.
SO, WOODY, KEEP WHAT YOU'RE
DOING.

SO, WOODY, KEEP WHAT YOU'RE
DOING.
KEEP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING,

DOING.
KEEP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING,
BUT DON'T GET A SWELLED HEAD,

KEEP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING,
BUT DON'T GET A SWELLED HEAD,
HUH?

BUT DON'T GET A SWELLED HEAD,
HUH?
AND DO ME A FAVOR.

HUH?
AND DO ME A FAVOR.
GROW UP, WOULD YOU?

AND DO ME A FAVOR.
GROW UP, WOULD YOU?
GROW UP!

GROW UP, WOULD YOU?
GROW UP!
NOBODY'S OUT TO GET YOU,

GROW UP!
NOBODY'S OUT TO GET YOU,
MR. PARANOID.

NOBODY'S OUT TO GET YOU,
MR. PARANOID.
LET'S SEE YOU OUT ON THE TOWN...

MR. PARANOID.
LET'S SEE YOU OUT ON THE TOWN...
SOMEPLACE BESIDES ELAINE'S, TOO,

LET'S SEE YOU OUT ON THE TOWN...
SOMEPLACE BESIDES ELAINE'S, TOO,
ALL RIGHT?

SOMEPLACE BESIDES ELAINE'S, TOO,
ALL RIGHT?
OKAY, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,

ALL RIGHT?
OKAY, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
YEAH.

OKAY, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
YEAH.
I'M BEING ROUGH, BUT YOU CAN

YEAH.
I'M BEING ROUGH, BUT YOU CAN
TAKE IT, WOODY.

I'M BEING ROUGH, BUT YOU CAN
TAKE IT, WOODY.
YOU CAN... WOODY?

TAKE IT, WOODY.
YOU CAN... WOODY?
WOODY?

YOU CAN... WOODY?
WOODY?
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S THE "WOOD MAN"

WOODY?
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S THE "WOOD MAN"
I KNOW.

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S THE "WOOD MAN"
I KNOW.
THAT'S BETTER.

I KNOW.
THAT'S BETTER.
ORSON, YOU'VE GOT NOTHING TO

THAT'S BETTER.
ORSON, YOU'VE GOT NOTHING TO
WORRY ABOUT.

ORSON, YOU'VE GOT NOTHING TO
WORRY ABOUT.
YOUR SHOW-BUSINESS RECORD IS

WORRY ABOUT.
YOUR SHOW-BUSINESS RECORD IS
IMMORTAL.

YOUR SHOW-BUSINESS RECORD IS
IMMORTAL.
YOU BIG HUNK OF GENIUS... GET

IMMORTAL.
YOU BIG HUNK OF GENIUS... GET
OUT OF HERE.

YOU BIG HUNK OF GENIUS... GET
OUT OF HERE.
AND IF ANY OF YOU THINK I'M OFF

OUT OF HERE.
AND IF ANY OF YOU THINK I'M OFF
BASE ON THIS, I'M SORRY, BUT

AND IF ANY OF YOU THINK I'M OFF
BASE ON THIS, I'M SORRY, BUT
THAT'S THE WAY I FEEL.

BASE ON THIS, I'M SORRY, BUT
THAT'S THE WAY I FEEL.
NOW GET LOST.

THAT'S THE WAY I FEEL.
NOW GET LOST.
GET OUT OF HERE, YOU MANIACS.

NOW GET LOST.
GET OUT OF HERE, YOU MANIACS.
I MEAN IT.

GET OUT OF HERE, YOU MANIACS.
I MEAN IT.
JANE CURTIN, YOU SHACKED UP WITH

I MEAN IT.
JANE CURTIN, YOU SHACKED UP WITH
WOODY SEVERAL TIMES.

JANE CURTIN, YOU SHACKED UP WITH
WOODY SEVERAL TIMES.
I KNOW YOU FEEL JUST AS STRONGLY

WOODY SEVERAL TIMES.
I KNOW YOU FEEL JUST AS STRONGLY
AS I DO, DON'T YOU?

I KNOW YOU FEEL JUST AS STRONGLY
AS I DO, DON'T YOU?
I DO, BILL.

AS I DO, DON'T YOU?
I DO, BILL.
SEE YOU LATER.

I DO, BILL.
SEE YOU LATER.
THANKS A LOT, BILL.

SEE YOU LATER.
THANKS A LOT, BILL.
I AGREE WITH YOU FOR ONE, YOU

THANKS A LOT, BILL.
I AGREE WITH YOU FOR ONE, YOU
KNOW?

I AGREE WITH YOU FOR ONE, YOU
KNOW?
TRIVIA EXPERTS HAVE LONG

KNOW?
TRIVIA EXPERTS HAVE LONG
SPECULATED ON THE IDENTITY OF

TRIVIA EXPERTS HAVE LONG
SPECULATED ON THE IDENTITY OF
THE MODELS WHO POSED FOR THE

SPECULATED ON THE IDENTITY OF
THE MODELS WHO POSED FOR THE
DUTCH MASTERS CIGAR BOX.

THE MODELS WHO POSED FOR THE
DUTCH MASTERS CIGAR BOX.
WELL, THIS WEEK THE CONSOLIDATED

DUTCH MASTERS CIGAR BOX.
WELL, THIS WEEK THE CONSOLIDATED
CIGAR CORPORATION REVEALED THAT

WELL, THIS WEEK THE CONSOLIDATED
CIGAR CORPORATION REVEALED THAT
THE MODELS WERE THE ORIGINAL

CIGAR CORPORATION REVEALED THAT
THE MODELS WERE THE ORIGINAL
CAST MEMBERS OF THE VINTAGE TV

THE MODELS WERE THE ORIGINAL
CAST MEMBERS OF THE VINTAGE TV
SERIES "FATHER KNOWS BEST."

CAST MEMBERS OF THE VINTAGE TV
SERIES "FATHER KNOWS BEST."
IT'S GOOD TO SEE THEM AGAIN...

SERIES "FATHER KNOWS BEST."
IT'S GOOD TO SEE THEM AGAIN...
BIT OF TRIVIA THERE FOR YOU.

IT'S GOOD TO SEE THEM AGAIN...
BIT OF TRIVIA THERE FOR YOU.
THE WHITE HOUSE ANNOUNCED

BIT OF TRIVIA THERE FOR YOU.
THE WHITE HOUSE ANNOUNCED
YESTERDAY THAT PRESIDENT CARTER

THE WHITE HOUSE ANNOUNCED
YESTERDAY THAT PRESIDENT CARTER
WILL MAKE ANOTHER POINTLESS

YESTERDAY THAT PRESIDENT CARTER
WILL MAKE ANOTHER POINTLESS
INTERNATIONAL TRIP BEGINNING

WILL MAKE ANOTHER POINTLESS
INTERNATIONAL TRIP BEGINNING
MARCH 28th, WHEN HE WILL VISIT

INTERNATIONAL TRIP BEGINNING
MARCH 28th, WHEN HE WILL VISIT
VENEZUELA, BRAZIL, NIGERIA, AND

MARCH 28th, WHEN HE WILL VISIT
VENEZUELA, BRAZIL, NIGERIA, AND
LIBYA.

VENEZUELA, BRAZIL, NIGERIA, AND
LIBYA.
IN ORDER TO AVOID ANOTHER

LIBYA.
IN ORDER TO AVOID ANOTHER
EMBARRASSMENT, LIKE THE POLISH

IN ORDER TO AVOID ANOTHER
EMBARRASSMENT, LIKE THE POLISH
INTERPRETER FIASCO LAST JANUARY,

EMBARRASSMENT, LIKE THE POLISH
INTERPRETER FIASCO LAST JANUARY,
CARTER WILL TAKE ALONG AS HIS

INTERPRETER FIASCO LAST JANUARY,
CARTER WILL TAKE ALONG AS HIS
OFFICIAL INTERPRETERS THE

CARTER WILL TAKE ALONG AS HIS
OFFICIAL INTERPRETERS THE
PANTOMIME TEAM OF SHIELDS AND

OFFICIAL INTERPRETERS THE
PANTOMIME TEAM OF SHIELDS AND
YARNELL.

PANTOMIME TEAM OF SHIELDS AND
YARNELL.
SENATOR GEORGE McGOVERN.

YARNELL.
SENATOR GEORGE McGOVERN.
IN LOCAL SPORTS ACTION THIS

SENATOR GEORGE McGOVERN.
IN LOCAL SPORTS ACTION THIS
WEEK, THE

IN LOCAL SPORTS ACTION THIS
WEEK, THE
NEW YORK KNICKERBOCKERS ENJOYED

WEEK, THE
NEW YORK KNICKERBOCKERS ENJOYED
A 3-GAME WINNING STREAK,

NEW YORK KNICKERBOCKERS ENJOYED
A 3-GAME WINNING STREAK,
SECURING THEIR SECOND-PLACE

A 3-GAME WINNING STREAK,
SECURING THEIR SECOND-PLACE
POSITION IN THE NBA EASTERN

SECURING THEIR SECOND-PLACE
POSITION IN THE NBA EASTERN
DIVISION AND ALMOST ASSURING

POSITION IN THE NBA EASTERN
DIVISION AND ALMOST ASSURING
THEM OF A SPOT IN THE UPCOMING

DIVISION AND ALMOST ASSURING
THEM OF A SPOT IN THE UPCOMING
PLAYOFFS.

THEM OF A SPOT IN THE UPCOMING
PLAYOFFS.
A JUBILANT KNICK COACH,

PLAYOFFS.
A JUBILANT KNICK COACH,
WILLIS REED, CELEBRATED THE

A JUBILANT KNICK COACH,
WILLIS REED, CELEBRATED THE
OCCASION BY CHEWING ON THE LEG

WILLIS REED, CELEBRATED THE
OCCASION BY CHEWING ON THE LEG
OF EARL MONROE, HIS BEST PLAYER.

OCCASION BY CHEWING ON THE LEG
OF EARL MONROE, HIS BEST PLAYER.
ALSO IN SPORTS, "WEEKEND UPDATE"

OF EARL MONROE, HIS BEST PLAYER.
ALSO IN SPORTS, "WEEKEND UPDATE"
HAS ONCE AGAIN BROKEN NEW GROUND

ALSO IN SPORTS, "WEEKEND UPDATE"
HAS ONCE AGAIN BROKEN NEW GROUND
IN BROADCAST JOURNALISM, AS

HAS ONCE AGAIN BROKEN NEW GROUND
IN BROADCAST JOURNALISM, AS
LARAINE NEWMAN BECOMES THE FIRST

IN BROADCAST JOURNALISM, AS
LARAINE NEWMAN BECOMES THE FIRST
WOMAN REPORTER EVER TO SET FOOT

LARAINE NEWMAN BECOMES THE FIRST
WOMAN REPORTER EVER TO SET FOOT
IN THE ALL-MALE LOCKER ROOM OF A

WOMAN REPORTER EVER TO SET FOOT
IN THE ALL-MALE LOCKER ROOM OF A
PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL TEAM.

IN THE ALL-MALE LOCKER ROOM OF A
PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL TEAM.
LARAINE?

PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL TEAM.
LARAINE?
THIS MAY BE A FIRST FOR

LARAINE?
THIS MAY BE A FIRST FOR
"UPDATE," JANE, BUT IT'S NOT A

THIS MAY BE A FIRST FOR
"UPDATE," JANE, BUT IT'S NOT A
FIRST FOR ME.

"UPDATE," JANE, BUT IT'S NOT A
FIRST FOR ME.
I'M STANDING HERE WITH

FIRST FOR ME.
I'M STANDING HERE WITH
BUFFALO BILLS STAR RUNNING BACK

I'M STANDING HERE WITH
BUFFALO BILLS STAR RUNNING BACK
O.J. SIMPSON.

BUFFALO BILLS STAR RUNNING BACK
O.J. SIMPSON.
O.J., I DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT

O.J. SIMPSON.
O.J., I DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT
FOOTBALL, BUT I KNOW WHAT I

O.J., I DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT
FOOTBALL, BUT I KNOW WHAT I
LIKE.

FOOTBALL, BUT I KNOW WHAT I
LIKE.
JANE, I SWEAR I'VE NEVER SEEN

LIKE.
JANE, I SWEAR I'VE NEVER SEEN
ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE.

JANE, I SWEAR I'VE NEVER SEEN
ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE.
I DON'T REALLY HAVE ANY

ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE.
I DON'T REALLY HAVE ANY
QUESTIONS PREPARED, O.J., BUT

I DON'T REALLY HAVE ANY
QUESTIONS PREPARED, O.J., BUT
HOW LONG DO YOU THINK YOU'LL

QUESTIONS PREPARED, O.J., BUT
HOW LONG DO YOU THINK YOU'LL
CONTINUE TO PLAY THE GAME?

HOW LONG DO YOU THINK YOU'LL
CONTINUE TO PLAY THE GAME?
WELL, JANE... I MEAN,

CONTINUE TO PLAY THE GAME?
WELL, JANE... I MEAN,
LARAINE, I'M NOT QUITE READY TO

WELL, JANE... I MEAN,
LARAINE, I'M NOT QUITE READY TO
QUIT NOW.

LARAINE, I'M NOT QUITE READY TO
QUIT NOW.
I'M REALLY PLANNING ON HAVING

QUIT NOW.
I'M REALLY PLANNING ON HAVING
ABOUT A 10-TO 12-YEAR CAREER.

I'M REALLY PLANNING ON HAVING
ABOUT A 10-TO 12-YEAR CAREER.
THAT'S ODD.

ABOUT A 10-TO 12-YEAR CAREER.
THAT'S ODD.
I WOULD HAVE GUESSED MORE ABOUT

THAT'S ODD.
I WOULD HAVE GUESSED MORE ABOUT
11 TO 12.

I WOULD HAVE GUESSED MORE ABOUT
11 TO 12.
WELL, MAYBE I WILL IF MY

11 TO 12.
WELL, MAYBE I WILL IF MY
KNEES HOLD UP.

WELL, MAYBE I WILL IF MY
KNEES HOLD UP.
WELL, SPEAKING OF WHICH, HOW

KNEES HOLD UP.
WELL, SPEAKING OF WHICH, HOW
IS THAT KNEE?

WELL, SPEAKING OF WHICH, HOW
IS THAT KNEE?
WELL, AS YOU CAN SEE... HEY,

IS THAT KNEE?
WELL, AS YOU CAN SEE... HEY,
CAN YOU GET THE CAMERA DOWN

WELL, AS YOU CAN SEE... HEY,
CAN YOU GET THE CAMERA DOWN
HERE?

CAN YOU GET THE CAMERA DOWN
HERE?
UH, NO, I DON'T THINK SO,

HERE?
UH, NO, I DON'T THINK SO,
O.J.

UH, NO, I DON'T THINK SO,
O.J.
ARE YOU SATISFIED PLAYING THE

O.J.
ARE YOU SATISFIED PLAYING THE
BUFFALO BUNS OR, UH, WOULD YOU

ARE YOU SATISFIED PLAYING THE
BUFFALO BUNS OR, UH, WOULD YOU
RATHER GO FOR A SHOT AT THE

BUFFALO BUNS OR, UH, WOULD YOU
RATHER GO FOR A SHOT AT THE
SUPER BOWL CONTENDER BEFORE YOU

RATHER GO FOR A SHOT AT THE
SUPER BOWL CONTENDER BEFORE YOU
RETIRE?

SUPER BOWL CONTENDER BEFORE YOU
RETIRE?
WELL, CERTAINLY.

RETIRE?
WELL, CERTAINLY.
EVERY PLAYER DREAMS OF HAVING

WELL, CERTAINLY.
EVERY PLAYER DREAMS OF HAVING
THAT COVETED SUPER BOWL RING.

EVERY PLAYER DREAMS OF HAVING
THAT COVETED SUPER BOWL RING.
WELL, THANK YOU FOR BEING SO

THAT COVETED SUPER BOWL RING.
WELL, THANK YOU FOR BEING SO
OPEN WITH US, O.J.

WELL, THANK YOU FOR BEING SO
OPEN WITH US, O.J.
I'M VERY EXCITED TO BE HERE,

OPEN WITH US, O.J.
I'M VERY EXCITED TO BE HERE,
AND, FROM THE LOOKS OF THINGS,

I'M VERY EXCITED TO BE HERE,
AND, FROM THE LOOKS OF THINGS,
IT SEEMS THE FEELING IS MUTUAL.

AND, FROM THE LOOKS OF THINGS,
IT SEEMS THE FEELING IS MUTUAL.
LARAINE NEWMAN REPORTING.

IT SEEMS THE FEELING IS MUTUAL.
LARAINE NEWMAN REPORTING.
BACK TO YOU, DAN.

LARAINE NEWMAN REPORTING.
BACK TO YOU, DAN.
IN BUFFALO, NEW YORK, THE

BACK TO YOU, DAN.
IN BUFFALO, NEW YORK, THE
HEAVY SNOWFALLS THIS MONTH

IN BUFFALO, NEW YORK, THE
HEAVY SNOWFALLS THIS MONTH
ATTRACTED A NUMBER OF

HEAVY SNOWFALLS THIS MONTH
ATTRACTED A NUMBER OF
OUT-OF-TOWN TOURISTS WHO THOUGHT

ATTRACTED A NUMBER OF
OUT-OF-TOWN TOURISTS WHO THOUGHT
THAT THE WHITE, POWDERY STUFF

OUT-OF-TOWN TOURISTS WHO THOUGHT
THAT THE WHITE, POWDERY STUFF
WAS SOMETHING OTHER THAN SNOW.

THAT THE WHITE, POWDERY STUFF
WAS SOMETHING OTHER THAN SNOW.
PICTURED HERE IS A BUFFALO

WAS SOMETHING OTHER THAN SNOW.
PICTURED HERE IS A BUFFALO
HOSPITAL CLINIC, WHICH WAS KEPT

PICTURED HERE IS A BUFFALO
HOSPITAL CLINIC, WHICH WAS KEPT
BUSY TREATING HUNDREDS OF CASES

HOSPITAL CLINIC, WHICH WAS KEPT
BUSY TREATING HUNDREDS OF CASES
OF SEVERE NASAL FROSTBITE.

BUSY TREATING HUNDREDS OF CASES
OF SEVERE NASAL FROSTBITE.
JANE?

OF SEVERE NASAL FROSTBITE.
JANE?
AND NOW FOR TONIGHT'S

JANE?
AND NOW FOR TONIGHT'S
CONSUMER REPORT, IT'S

AND NOW FOR TONIGHT'S
CONSUMER REPORT, IT'S
ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA.

CONSUMER REPORT, IT'S
ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA.
THANK YOU, JANE.

ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA.
THANK YOU, JANE.
THANK YOU.

THANK YOU, JANE.
THANK YOU.
TELL ME, ROSEANNE.

THANK YOU.
TELL ME, ROSEANNE.
WHAT ARE WE GONNA TALK ABOUT

TELL ME, ROSEANNE.
WHAT ARE WE GONNA TALK ABOUT
TONIGHT?

WHAT ARE WE GONNA TALK ABOUT
TONIGHT?
WELL, JANE, MR. BOB VAN REIM

TONIGHT?
WELL, JANE, MR. BOB VAN REIM
OF HARMON COVE, NEW JERSEY,

WELL, JANE, MR. BOB VAN REIM
OF HARMON COVE, NEW JERSEY,
WRITES IN AND ASKS, "DEAR

OF HARMON COVE, NEW JERSEY,
WRITES IN AND ASKS, "DEAR
ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, I'M

WRITES IN AND ASKS, "DEAR
ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, I'M
HAVING A LOT OF TROUBLE WITH MY

ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, I'M
HAVING A LOT OF TROUBLE WITH MY
TEETH.

HAVING A LOT OF TROUBLE WITH MY
TEETH.
CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT CAUSES

TEETH.
CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT CAUSES
DENTAL DISEASE?

CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT CAUSES
DENTAL DISEASE?
WHAT IS DENTAL PLAQUE?

DENTAL DISEASE?
WHAT IS DENTAL PLAQUE?
HOW CAN I AVOID PLAQUE AND

WHAT IS DENTAL PLAQUE?
HOW CAN I AVOID PLAQUE AND
DENTAL DISEASE?

HOW CAN I AVOID PLAQUE AND
DENTAL DISEASE?
HOW CAN I SEE PLAQUE?

DENTAL DISEASE?
HOW CAN I SEE PLAQUE?
HOW OFTEN SHOULD I SEE MY

HOW CAN I SEE PLAQUE?
HOW OFTEN SHOULD I SEE MY
DENTIST?

HOW OFTEN SHOULD I SEE MY
DENTIST?
WHAT KIND OF TOOTHBRUSH SHOULD I

DENTIST?
WHAT KIND OF TOOTHBRUSH SHOULD I
USE?

WHAT KIND OF TOOTHBRUSH SHOULD I
USE?
WHAT KIND OF DENTAL FLOSS SHOULD

USE?
WHAT KIND OF DENTAL FLOSS SHOULD
I USE?

WHAT KIND OF DENTAL FLOSS SHOULD
I USE?
HOW DO I FLOSS CORRECTLY?

I USE?
HOW DO I FLOSS CORRECTLY?
HOW DOES FLUORIDE HELP PREVENT

HOW DO I FLOSS CORRECTLY?
HOW DOES FLUORIDE HELP PREVENT
DECAY?

HOW DOES FLUORIDE HELP PREVENT
DECAY?
SHOULD I USE A FLUORIDE

DECAY?
SHOULD I USE A FLUORIDE
TOOTHPASTE?"

SHOULD I USE A FLUORIDE
TOOTHPASTE?"
MR. VAN REIM, YOU ASK A LOT OF

TOOTHPASTE?"
MR. VAN REIM, YOU ASK A LOT OF
STUPID QUESTIONS.

MR. VAN REIM, YOU ASK A LOT OF
STUPID QUESTIONS.
BUT LET ME ASK YOU THIS.

STUPID QUESTIONS.
BUT LET ME ASK YOU THIS.
DID YOU EVER FIND A THING

BUT LET ME ASK YOU THIS.
DID YOU EVER FIND A THING
BETWEEN YOUR TEETH, AND YOU

DID YOU EVER FIND A THING
BETWEEN YOUR TEETH, AND YOU
DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS?

BETWEEN YOUR TEETH, AND YOU
DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS?
YOU LOOK AT IT, AND YOU PLAY

DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS?
YOU LOOK AT IT, AND YOU PLAY
WITH IT WITH YOUR FINGERS, AND

YOU LOOK AT IT, AND YOU PLAY
WITH IT WITH YOUR FINGERS, AND
YOU SAY, "WHAT IS THIS THING?

WITH IT WITH YOUR FINGERS, AND
YOU SAY, "WHAT IS THIS THING?
I DON'T REMEMBER EATING THAT."

YOU SAY, "WHAT IS THIS THING?
I DON'T REMEMBER EATING THAT."
AND THEN YOU TRY TO FLICK IT

I DON'T REMEMBER EATING THAT."
AND THEN YOU TRY TO FLICK IT
AWAY, YOU KNOW?

AND THEN YOU TRY TO FLICK IT
AWAY, YOU KNOW?
OR YOU WIPE IT UNDER YOUR CHAIR

AWAY, YOU KNOW?
OR YOU WIPE IT UNDER YOUR CHAIR
OR SOMETHING.

OR YOU WIPE IT UNDER YOUR CHAIR
OR SOMETHING.
ONE TIME, I,

OR SOMETHING.
ONE TIME, I,
ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, WAS

ONE TIME, I,
ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, WAS
EATING A SPARE RIB, AND A

ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, WAS
EATING A SPARE RIB, AND A
LITTLE SHRED OF IT GOT CAUGHT

EATING A SPARE RIB, AND A
LITTLE SHRED OF IT GOT CAUGHT
RIGHT HERE.

LITTLE SHRED OF IT GOT CAUGHT
RIGHT HERE.
WELL, I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA DIE!

RIGHT HERE.
WELL, I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA DIE!
I TRIED EVERYTHING TO GET THAT

WELL, I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA DIE!
I TRIED EVERYTHING TO GET THAT
SHREDDED THING OUT OF THERE.

I TRIED EVERYTHING TO GET THAT
SHREDDED THING OUT OF THERE.
I TRIED TO SUCK IT OUT, LIKE

SHREDDED THING OUT OF THERE.
I TRIED TO SUCK IT OUT, LIKE
THIS.

I TRIED TO SUCK IT OUT, LIKE
THIS.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

THIS.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
THEN, SOMEONE SAID TO ME, "HEY,

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
THEN, SOMEONE SAID TO ME, "HEY,
ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, WHAT'S

THEN, SOMEONE SAID TO ME, "HEY,
ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, WHAT'S
THE MATTER, YOU GOT BIRDS IN

ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, WHAT'S
THE MATTER, YOU GOT BIRDS IN
YOUR MOUTH?"

THE MATTER, YOU GOT BIRDS IN
YOUR MOUTH?"
SO, THEN, I TRIED A MATCHBOOK

YOUR MOUTH?"
SO, THEN, I TRIED A MATCHBOOK
COVER.

SO, THEN, I TRIED A MATCHBOOK
COVER.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

COVER.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
A PART OF THE CARDBOARD GOT

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
A PART OF THE CARDBOARD GOT
CAUGHT IN MY TEETH.

A PART OF THE CARDBOARD GOT
CAUGHT IN MY TEETH.
SO I TRIED A TOOTHPICK, AND A

CAUGHT IN MY TEETH.
SO I TRIED A TOOTHPICK, AND A
PIECE OF THAT BROKE OFF IN

SO I TRIED A TOOTHPICK, AND A
PIECE OF THAT BROKE OFF IN
THERE, TOO.

PIECE OF THAT BROKE OFF IN
THERE, TOO.
SO I GOT ONE OF THOSE SPECIAL

THERE, TOO.
SO I GOT ONE OF THOSE SPECIAL
TOOTHBRUSHES, WITH THE RUBBER

SO I GOT ONE OF THOSE SPECIAL
TOOTHBRUSHES, WITH THE RUBBER
THING AT THE END OF IT.

TOOTHBRUSHES, WITH THE RUBBER
THING AT THE END OF IT.
IT KIND OF LOOKS LIKE A NIPPLE?

THING AT THE END OF IT.
IT KIND OF LOOKS LIKE A NIPPLE?
AND THEN I STARTED PUSHING THE

IT KIND OF LOOKS LIKE A NIPPLE?
AND THEN I STARTED PUSHING THE
NIPPLE IN THERE, AND THEN YOU

AND THEN I STARTED PUSHING THE
NIPPLE IN THERE, AND THEN YOU
KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?

NIPPLE IN THERE, AND THEN YOU
KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?
MY GUMS STARTED TO BLEED!

KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?
MY GUMS STARTED TO BLEED!
SO I SAID TO MYSELF,

MY GUMS STARTED TO BLEED!
SO I SAID TO MYSELF,
"ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, YOU

SO I SAID TO MYSELF,
"ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, YOU
BETTER SEE A DENTIST."

"ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, YOU
BETTER SEE A DENTIST."
SO I GO, AND HE PUTS A LOT OF

BETTER SEE A DENTIST."
SO I GO, AND HE PUTS A LOT OF
MORE THINGS IN MY MOUTH... A

SO I GO, AND HE PUTS A LOT OF
MORE THINGS IN MY MOUTH... A
DRILL, PICKERS, A MIRROR, COTTON

MORE THINGS IN MY MOUTH... A
DRILL, PICKERS, A MIRROR, COTTON
SWABS, A THING THAT BLOWS AIR, A

DRILL, PICKERS, A MIRROR, COTTON
SWABS, A THING THAT BLOWS AIR, A
THING THAT BLOWS WATER, SOME

SWABS, A THING THAT BLOWS AIR, A
THING THAT BLOWS WATER, SOME
METAL RODS, HIS FINGER, A

THING THAT BLOWS WATER, SOME
METAL RODS, HIS FINGER, A
NURSE'S FINGER, A LITTLE RUBBER

METAL RODS, HIS FINGER, A
NURSE'S FINGER, A LITTLE RUBBER
TENT.

NURSE'S FINGER, A LITTLE RUBBER
TENT.
MY MOUTH... IT LOOKED LIKE

TENT.
MY MOUTH... IT LOOKED LIKE
WOODSTOCK.

MY MOUTH... IT LOOKED LIKE
WOODSTOCK.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED AT

WOODSTOCK.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED AT
WOODSTOCK... TWO PEOPLE DIED!

AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED AT
WOODSTOCK... TWO PEOPLE DIED!
NOW DID YOU EVER NOTICE...

WOODSTOCK... TWO PEOPLE DIED!
NOW DID YOU EVER NOTICE...
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING

NOW DID YOU EVER NOTICE...
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT?!

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT?!
EXCUSE ME!

ABOUT?!
EXCUSE ME!
THIS GUY WRITES IN SOME

EXCUSE ME!
THIS GUY WRITES IN SOME
INTELLIGENT QUESTIONS, AND YOU

THIS GUY WRITES IN SOME
INTELLIGENT QUESTIONS, AND YOU
START TALKING ABOUT TOOTHPICKS

INTELLIGENT QUESTIONS, AND YOU
START TALKING ABOUT TOOTHPICKS
AND WOODSTOCK.

START TALKING ABOUT TOOTHPICKS
AND WOODSTOCK.
WELL, JANE, IT JUST GOES TO

AND WOODSTOCK.
WELL, JANE, IT JUST GOES TO
SHOW YOU, IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING.

WELL, JANE, IT JUST GOES TO
SHOW YOU, IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING.
IT'S LIKE MY FATHER USED TO SAY

SHOW YOU, IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING.
IT'S LIKE MY FATHER USED TO SAY
TO ME BEFORE I WENT TO BED.

IT'S LIKE MY FATHER USED TO SAY
TO ME BEFORE I WENT TO BED.
HE'D SAY, "MY LITTLE

TO ME BEFORE I WENT TO BED.
HE'D SAY, "MY LITTLE
ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, MAKE SURE

HE'D SAY, "MY LITTLE
ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, MAKE SURE
YOU DON'T END UP BEING ONE OF

ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, MAKE SURE
YOU DON'T END UP BEING ONE OF
THOSE PEOPLE WHO HAVE SOME

YOU DON'T END UP BEING ONE OF
THOSE PEOPLE WHO HAVE SOME
SALIVA ON YOUR LIP RIGHT HERE IN

THOSE PEOPLE WHO HAVE SOME
SALIVA ON YOUR LIP RIGHT HERE IN
THE MIDDLE.

SALIVA ON YOUR LIP RIGHT HERE IN
THE MIDDLE.
'CAUSE SOMETIMES WHEN THEY TALK,

THE MIDDLE.
'CAUSE SOMETIMES WHEN THEY TALK,
A LITTLE, THIN STRING OF IT

'CAUSE SOMETIMES WHEN THEY TALK,
A LITTLE, THIN STRING OF IT
CATCHES HERE AND GOES UP AND

A LITTLE, THIN STRING OF IT
CATCHES HERE AND GOES UP AND
DOWN AND UP AND DOWN AND UP AND

CATCHES HERE AND GOES UP AND
DOWN AND UP AND DOWN AND UP AND
DOWN AND AND CATCHES ALL AROUND.

DOWN AND UP AND DOWN AND UP AND
DOWN AND AND CATCHES ALL AROUND.
AND NOBODY HEARS WHAT THEY'RE

DOWN AND AND CATCHES ALL AROUND.
AND NOBODY HEARS WHAT THEY'RE
SAYING, 'CAUSE THEY'RE TOO BUSY

AND NOBODY HEARS WHAT THEY'RE
SAYING, 'CAUSE THEY'RE TOO BUSY
WATCHING THE SPIT GOING UP AND

SAYING, 'CAUSE THEY'RE TOO BUSY
WATCHING THE SPIT GOING UP AND
DOWN AND UP AND DOWN AND UP AND

WATCHING THE SPIT GOING UP AND
DOWN AND UP AND DOWN AND UP AND
DOWN.

DOWN AND UP AND DOWN AND UP AND
DOWN.
GOOD NIGHT, MY LITTLE

DOWN.
GOOD NIGHT, MY LITTLE
ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA."

GOOD NIGHT, MY LITTLE
ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA."
AND THAT'S THE NEWS.

ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA."
AND THAT'S THE NEWS.
GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A PLEASANT

AND THAT'S THE NEWS.
GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A PLEASANT
TOMORROW.

GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A PLEASANT
TOMORROW.
Announcer: THIS PORTION OF

TOMORROW.
Announcer: THIS PORTION OF
"WEEKEND UPDATE" HAS BEEN

Announcer: THIS PORTION OF
"WEEKEND UPDATE" HAS BEEN
BROUGHT TO YOU BY MR. NIPPLE.

"WEEKEND UPDATE" HAS BEEN
BROUGHT TO YOU BY MR. NIPPLE.
IT'S LIKE SETTING FIRE TO YOUR

BROUGHT TO YOU BY MR. NIPPLE.
IT'S LIKE SETTING FIRE TO YOUR
LUNGS.

IT'S THE NFL ON CBS, AND OOH,
BROTHER, WHAT A BALLGAME.

BROTHER, WHAT A BALLGAME.
THE CHICAGO BEARS ARE FIGHTING

THE CHICAGO BEARS ARE FIGHTING
FOR A PLACE IN THE PLAYOFFS IN

FOR A PLACE IN THE PLAYOFFS IN
THIS FINAL GAME WITH THE

THIS FINAL GAME WITH THE
NEW YORK GIANTS.
AND BEAR RUNNING BACK

NEW YORK GIANTS.
AND BEAR RUNNING BACK
WALTER PAYTON IS JUST 95 YARDS

AND BEAR RUNNING BACK
WALTER PAYTON IS JUST 95 YARDS
SHORT OF BREAKING THE RECORD FOR

WALTER PAYTON IS JUST 95 YARDS
SHORT OF BREAKING THE RECORD FOR
MOST YARDS GAINED RUSHING IN A

SHORT OF BREAKING THE RECORD FOR
MOST YARDS GAINED RUSHING IN A
SEASON.

MOST YARDS GAINED RUSHING IN A
SEASON.
THAT, OF COURSE, IS THE 2,003

SEASON.
THAT, OF COURSE, IS THE 2,003
YARDS GAINED IN 1973 BY

THAT, OF COURSE, IS THE 2,003
YARDS GAINED IN 1973 BY
O.J. SIMPSON.

YARDS GAINED IN 1973 BY
O.J. SIMPSON.
AND THERE'S THE HANDOFF TO 34,

O.J. SIMPSON.
AND THERE'S THE HANDOFF TO 34,
PAYTON, AND LOOK AT HIM GO!

AND THERE'S THE HANDOFF TO 34,
PAYTON, AND LOOK AT HIM GO!
HE'S GOT ABOUT 12 YARDS, AND

PAYTON, AND LOOK AT HIM GO!
HE'S GOT ABOUT 12 YARDS, AND
THAT PUTS HIM 12 YARDS CLOSER TO

HE'S GOT ABOUT 12 YARDS, AND
THAT PUTS HIM 12 YARDS CLOSER TO
BREAKING O.J.'s RECORD.

THAT PUTS HIM 12 YARDS CLOSER TO
BREAKING O.J.'s RECORD.
WE'RE GONNA PAUSE FOR THIS

BREAKING O.J.'s RECORD.
WE'RE GONNA PAUSE FOR THIS
TIME-OUT.

WE'RE GONNA PAUSE FOR THIS
TIME-OUT.
WHOO!

TIME-OUT.
WHOO!
SO, ANYHOW, WHO'S READY FOR A

WHOO!
SO, ANYHOW, WHO'S READY FOR A
BEER?

SO, ANYHOW, WHO'S READY FOR A
BEER?
REGGIE, AHMAD, A.C.?

BEER?
REGGIE, AHMAD, A.C.?
HEY, O.J., AREN'T YOU

REGGIE, AHMAD, A.C.?
HEY, O.J., AREN'T YOU
NERVOUS?

HEY, O.J., AREN'T YOU
NERVOUS?
HE MIGHT BREAK YOUR RECORD.

NERVOUS?
HE MIGHT BREAK YOUR RECORD.
OH, REGGIE, YOU KNOW.

HE MIGHT BREAK YOUR RECORD.
OH, REGGIE, YOU KNOW.
RECORDS AREN'T MONUMENTS.

OH, REGGIE, YOU KNOW.
RECORDS AREN'T MONUMENTS.
THEY'RE GOALS.

RECORDS AREN'T MONUMENTS.
THEY'RE GOALS.
THEY'RE MADE TO BE BROKEN.

THEY'RE GOALS.
THEY'RE MADE TO BE BROKEN.
THEY DON'T LAST FOREVER.

THEY'RE MADE TO BE BROKEN.
THEY DON'T LAST FOREVER.
WOULDN'T YOU LOVE IT TO LAST

THEY DON'T LAST FOREVER.
WOULDN'T YOU LOVE IT TO LAST
FOREVER, THOUGH?

WOULDN'T YOU LOVE IT TO LAST
FOREVER, THOUGH?
OH, SURE.

FOREVER, THOUGH?
OH, SURE.
IT'S NICE TO THINK THAT YOUR

OH, SURE.
IT'S NICE TO THINK THAT YOUR
NAME IN SOME RECORD BOOK MAY

IT'S NICE TO THINK THAT YOUR
NAME IN SOME RECORD BOOK MAY
LEND YOU SOME MEASURE OF

NAME IN SOME RECORD BOOK MAY
LEND YOU SOME MEASURE OF
IMMORTALITY.

LEND YOU SOME MEASURE OF
IMMORTALITY.
THAT'S JUST AN ILLUSION.

IMMORTALITY.
THAT'S JUST AN ILLUSION.
AND WALTER'S SUCH A NICE GUY AND

THAT'S JUST AN ILLUSION.
AND WALTER'S SUCH A NICE GUY AND
SUPERB RUNNER.

AND WALTER'S SUCH A NICE GUY AND
SUPERB RUNNER.
HEY, FRANKLY, I HOPE HE DOES

SUPERB RUNNER.
HEY, FRANKLY, I HOPE HE DOES
BREAK THE RECORD.

HEY, FRANKLY, I HOPE HE DOES
BREAK THE RECORD.
NOW, WHO WANTS A BEER, HUH?

BREAK THE RECORD.
NOW, WHO WANTS A BEER, HUH?
I'LL TAKE ONE.

NOW, WHO WANTS A BEER, HUH?
I'LL TAKE ONE.
I'M GOOD, THANKS.

I'LL TAKE ONE.
I'M GOOD, THANKS.
ME TOO.

I'M GOOD, THANKS.
ME TOO.
HEY, JUICE, MY MAN, ARE YOU

ME TOO.
HEY, JUICE, MY MAN, ARE YOU
KIDDING?

HEY, JUICE, MY MAN, ARE YOU
KIDDING?
YOU MEAN YOU DON'T MIND IF HE

KIDDING?
YOU MEAN YOU DON'T MIND IF HE
BREAKS YOUR RECORD?

YOU MEAN YOU DON'T MIND IF HE
BREAKS YOUR RECORD?
HEY, LOOK.

BREAKS YOUR RECORD?
HEY, LOOK.
I GOT OTHER RECORDS... MOST

HEY, LOOK.
I GOT OTHER RECORDS... MOST
TOUCHDOWNS IN A SEASON, MOST

I GOT OTHER RECORDS... MOST
TOUCHDOWNS IN A SEASON, MOST
100-YARD GAMES IN A SEASON.

TOUCHDOWNS IN A SEASON, MOST
100-YARD GAMES IN A SEASON.
HEY, I DON'T NEED IT.

100-YARD GAMES IN A SEASON.
HEY, I DON'T NEED IT.
BACK TO THE ACTION NOW.

HEY, I DON'T NEED IT.
BACK TO THE ACTION NOW.
BEARS IN A NEW BACKFIELD.

BACK TO THE ACTION NOW.
BEARS IN A NEW BACKFIELD.
AVELLINI CALLS THE SHOTS.

BEARS IN A NEW BACKFIELD.
AVELLINI CALLS THE SHOTS.
HERE'S THE SNAP.

AVELLINI CALLS THE SHOTS.
HERE'S THE SNAP.
THE GIVE IS TO WALTER PAYTON.

HERE'S THE SNAP.
THE GIVE IS TO WALTER PAYTON.
HE'S GOING BY GUARD...

THE GIVE IS TO WALTER PAYTON.
HE'S GOING BY GUARD...
AND HE FUMBLES THE BALL!

HE'S GOING BY GUARD...
AND HE FUMBLES THE BALL!
HE FUMBLED THE BALL.

AND HE FUMBLES THE BALL!
HE FUMBLED THE BALL.
OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

HE FUMBLED THE BALL.
OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!
HE FUMBLED!

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!
HE FUMBLED!
HE DID?

HE FUMBLED!
HE DID?
YEAH!

HE DID?
YEAH!
WELL, YOU KNOW THE GIANTS ARE

YEAH!
WELL, YOU KNOW THE GIANTS ARE
GONNA BE KEYING ON WALTER.

WELL, YOU KNOW THE GIANTS ARE
GONNA BE KEYING ON WALTER.
A SMART THING FOR THEM TO DO IS

GONNA BE KEYING ON WALTER.
A SMART THING FOR THEM TO DO IS
TO GIVE IT TO SOMEBODY ELSE.

A SMART THING FOR THEM TO DO IS
TO GIVE IT TO SOMEBODY ELSE.
WHY DON'T THEY GIVE IT TO

TO GIVE IT TO SOMEBODY ELSE.
WHY DON'T THEY GIVE IT TO
SOMEBODY ELSE?

WHY DON'T THEY GIVE IT TO
SOMEBODY ELSE?
HAS TO GET IT INTO HIS

SOMEBODY ELSE?
HAS TO GET IT INTO HIS
BACKFIELD.

HAS TO GET IT INTO HIS
BACKFIELD.
AVELLINI'S BACK TO PASS.

BACKFIELD.
AVELLINI'S BACK TO PASS.
HE HITS PAYTON, AND HE'S HIT.

AVELLINI'S BACK TO PASS.
HE HITS PAYTON, AND HE'S HIT.
HIT HIM! HIT...

HE HITS PAYTON, AND HE'S HIT.
HIT HIM! HIT...
YOU KNOW WHAT?

HIT HIM! HIT...
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I WANT SOME MORE CHIPS.

YOU KNOW WHAT?
I WANT SOME MORE CHIPS.
THAT'S WHAT I WANT, SOME MORE

I WANT SOME MORE CHIPS.
THAT'S WHAT I WANT, SOME MORE
CHIPS.

THAT'S WHAT I WANT, SOME MORE
CHIPS.
HEY, MAN, HOW DO YOU THINK

CHIPS.
HEY, MAN, HOW DO YOU THINK
PAYTON FEELS RIGHT NOW?

HEY, MAN, HOW DO YOU THINK
PAYTON FEELS RIGHT NOW?
WELL, I DON'T THINK HE'S

PAYTON FEELS RIGHT NOW?
WELL, I DON'T THINK HE'S
THINKING ABOUT THE RECORD.

WELL, I DON'T THINK HE'S
THINKING ABOUT THE RECORD.
HE'S JUST WORRIED ABOUT GETTING

THINKING ABOUT THE RECORD.
HE'S JUST WORRIED ABOUT GETTING
HIS TEAM INTO THE PLAYOFFS.

HE'S JUST WORRIED ABOUT GETTING
HIS TEAM INTO THE PLAYOFFS.
THERE ARE SOME TEAMS WHO DON'T

HIS TEAM INTO THE PLAYOFFS.
THERE ARE SOME TEAMS WHO DON'T
WATCH THE PLAYOFFS ON

THERE ARE SOME TEAMS WHO DON'T
WATCH THE PLAYOFFS ON
TELEVISION.

WATCH THE PLAYOFFS ON
TELEVISION.
THIS WEATHER'S NOT HELPING,

TELEVISION.
THIS WEATHER'S NOT HELPING,
WITH THE RAIN.

THIS WEATHER'S NOT HELPING,
WITH THE RAIN.
THERE'S ICE OUT THERE.

WITH THE RAIN.
THERE'S ICE OUT THERE.
YEAH.

THERE'S ICE OUT THERE.
YEAH.
NO, THIS ISN'T GOOD RUNNING

YEAH.
NO, THIS ISN'T GOOD RUNNING
WEATHER FOR WALTER.

NO, THIS ISN'T GOOD RUNNING
WEATHER FOR WALTER.
HELPING JOHN MENDENHALL TO

WEATHER FOR WALTER.
HELPING JOHN MENDENHALL TO
HIS FEET.

HELPING JOHN MENDENHALL TO
HIS FEET.
YOU GOT TO ADMIT.

HIS FEET.
YOU GOT TO ADMIT.
WALTER'S ONE OF THE FINEST

YOU GOT TO ADMIT.
WALTER'S ONE OF THE FINEST
GENTLEMEN EVER TO PLAY THE GAME.

WALTER'S ONE OF THE FINEST
GENTLEMEN EVER TO PLAY THE GAME.
I DOUBT IF THERE'S ANYONE WHO

GENTLEMEN EVER TO PLAY THE GAME.
I DOUBT IF THERE'S ANYONE WHO
DOESN'T WANT TO SEE HIM BREAK

I DOUBT IF THERE'S ANYONE WHO
DOESN'T WANT TO SEE HIM BREAK
O.J.'s RECORD.

DOESN'T WANT TO SEE HIM BREAK
O.J.'s RECORD.
GEE, I'D KIND OF LIKE TO SEE

O.J.'s RECORD.
GEE, I'D KIND OF LIKE TO SEE
PAYTON BREAK THE RECORD.

GEE, I'D KIND OF LIKE TO SEE
PAYTON BREAK THE RECORD.
O.J., HOW ABOUT THAT BEER?

PAYTON BREAK THE RECORD.
O.J., HOW ABOUT THAT BEER?
GET IT YOURSELF.

O.J., HOW ABOUT THAT BEER?
GET IT YOURSELF.
WE'RE INTO THE OVERTIME

GET IT YOURSELF.
WE'RE INTO THE OVERTIME
PERIOD NOW, AND IT MAY JUST TURN

WE'RE INTO THE OVERTIME
PERIOD NOW, AND IT MAY JUST TURN
OUT TO BE THE WEATHER THAT STOPS

PERIOD NOW, AND IT MAY JUST TURN
OUT TO BE THE WEATHER THAT STOPS
WALTER PAYTON TODAY.

OUT TO BE THE WEATHER THAT STOPS
WALTER PAYTON TODAY.
OF COURSE, WHEN I BROKE THE

WALTER PAYTON TODAY.
OF COURSE, WHEN I BROKE THE
RECORD, I WAS PLAYING IN

OF COURSE, WHEN I BROKE THE
RECORD, I WAS PLAYING IN
BUFFALO, AND YOU KNOW WHAT THE

RECORD, I WAS PLAYING IN
BUFFALO, AND YOU KNOW WHAT THE
WEATHER IS LIKE THERE.

BUFFALO, AND YOU KNOW WHAT THE
WEATHER IS LIKE THERE.
IF I RECALL, THERE WAS A PRETTY

WEATHER IS LIKE THERE.
IF I RECALL, THERE WAS A PRETTY
STRONG HEADWIND AT THE TIME, AND

IF I RECALL, THERE WAS A PRETTY
STRONG HEADWIND AT THE TIME, AND
I PROBABLY COULD HAVE HAD 200 OR

STRONG HEADWIND AT THE TIME, AND
I PROBABLY COULD HAVE HAD 200 OR
300 MORE YARDS IF IT WASN'T FOR

I PROBABLY COULD HAVE HAD 200 OR
300 MORE YARDS IF IT WASN'T FOR
THE SNOW, BUT, HEY, I'M NOT

300 MORE YARDS IF IT WASN'T FOR
THE SNOW, BUT, HEY, I'M NOT
TRYING TO TAKE ANYTHING AWAY

THE SNOW, BUT, HEY, I'M NOT
TRYING TO TAKE ANYTHING AWAY
FROM WALTER, 'CAUSE HE'S A

TRYING TO TAKE ANYTHING AWAY
FROM WALTER, 'CAUSE HE'S A
GENTLEMAN.

FROM WALTER, 'CAUSE HE'S A
GENTLEMAN.
I DID SAY HE WAS A GENTLEMAN,

GENTLEMAN.
I DID SAY HE WAS A GENTLEMAN,
DIDN'T I?

I DID SAY HE WAS A GENTLEMAN,
DIDN'T I?
YEAH, YEAH.

DIDN'T I?
YEAH, YEAH.
HEY, HEY, THIS IS IT.

YEAH, YEAH.
HEY, HEY, THIS IS IT.
THIS IS IT.

HEY, HEY, THIS IS IT.
THIS IS IT.
HE COULD DO IT HERE.

THIS IS IT.
HE COULD DO IT HERE.
LAST CHANCE AT ANY YARDAGE,

HE COULD DO IT HERE.
LAST CHANCE AT ANY YARDAGE,
FOLKS.

LAST CHANCE AT ANY YARDAGE,
FOLKS.
THERE'S THE GIVE, AND THE GIVE

FOLKS.
THERE'S THE GIVE, AND THE GIVE
IS TO WALTER PAYTON.

THERE'S THE GIVE, AND THE GIVE
IS TO WALTER PAYTON.
HE TRIES RIGHT TACKLE, AND HE'S

IS TO WALTER PAYTON.
HE TRIES RIGHT TACKLE, AND HE'S
UP TO THE LINE OF SCRIMMAGE.

HE TRIES RIGHT TACKLE, AND HE'S
UP TO THE LINE OF SCRIMMAGE.
IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE

UP TO THE LINE OF SCRIMMAGE.
IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE
WALTER PAYTON WILL BE BREAKING

IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE
WALTER PAYTON WILL BE BREAKING
O.J. SIMPSON'S RECORD TODAY.

WALTER PAYTON WILL BE BREAKING
O.J. SIMPSON'S RECORD TODAY.
THAT'S TOO BAD.

O.J. SIMPSON'S RECORD TODAY.
THAT'S TOO BAD.
THAT'S A SHAME.

THAT'S TOO BAD.
THAT'S A SHAME.
WELL, HE GAVE IT A NICE TRY,

THAT'S A SHAME.
WELL, HE GAVE IT A NICE TRY,
HUH?

WELL, HE GAVE IT A NICE TRY,
HUH?
EXCUSE ME A MINUTE.

I'M NUMBER ONE!
I'M NUMBER ONE!
JUICE, JUICE, JUICE, JUICE!

I'M NUMBER ONE!
JUICE, JUICE, JUICE, JUICE!
CHAMPAGNE FOR ANYONE?

JUICE, JUICE, JUICE, JUICE!
CHAMPAGNE FOR ANYONE?
♪ I'LL TAKE MANHATTAN ♪

Announcer: IT'S TIME FOR "THE
FRANKEN AND DAVIS SHOW,"
STARRING AL FRANKEN AND

FRANKEN AND DAVIS SHOW,"
STARRING AL FRANKEN AND
TOM DAVIS.

STARRING AL FRANKEN AND
TOM DAVIS.
AND NOW HERE'S AL AND TOM.

TOM DAVIS.
AND NOW HERE'S AL AND TOM.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN.
BUT WE ARE NOT GONNA HAVE THE

GENTLEMEN.
BUT WE ARE NOT GONNA HAVE THE
REGULAR "FRANKEN AND DAVIS SHOW"

BUT WE ARE NOT GONNA HAVE THE
REGULAR "FRANKEN AND DAVIS SHOW"
TONIGHT.

REGULAR "FRANKEN AND DAVIS SHOW"
TONIGHT.
YOU SEE, OVER CHRISTMAS

TONIGHT.
YOU SEE, OVER CHRISTMAS
VACATION, WE DISCOVERED THAT

YOU SEE, OVER CHRISTMAS
VACATION, WE DISCOVERED THAT
AL FRANKEN, MY PARTNER, HAS A

VACATION, WE DISCOVERED THAT
AL FRANKEN, MY PARTNER, HAS A
MALIGNANT BRAIN TUMOR, WHICH IS

AL FRANKEN, MY PARTNER, HAS A
MALIGNANT BRAIN TUMOR, WHICH IS
TERMINAL.

MALIGNANT BRAIN TUMOR, WHICH IS
TERMINAL.
BUT IT'S ALWAYS BEEN AL'S GOAL

TERMINAL.
BUT IT'S ALWAYS BEEN AL'S GOAL
IN LIFE TO MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH,

BUT IT'S ALWAYS BEEN AL'S GOAL
IN LIFE TO MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH,
AND HE WANTED TO DO ONE LAST

IN LIFE TO MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH,
AND HE WANTED TO DO ONE LAST
"FRANKEN AND DAVIS SHOW."

AND HE WANTED TO DO ONE LAST
"FRANKEN AND DAVIS SHOW."
BUT, YOU SEE, HE'S BEGINNING TO

"FRANKEN AND DAVIS SHOW."
BUT, YOU SEE, HE'S BEGINNING TO
DETERIORATE.

BUT, YOU SEE, HE'S BEGINNING TO
DETERIORATE.
HE CAN ONLY REMEMBER THE MOST

DETERIORATE.
HE CAN ONLY REMEMBER THE MOST
RUDIMENTARY JOKES.

HE CAN ONLY REMEMBER THE MOST
RUDIMENTARY JOKES.
SO TONIGHT IS REALLY THE OPTIMUM

RUDIMENTARY JOKES.
SO TONIGHT IS REALLY THE OPTIMUM
TIME TO BRING HIM OUT.

SO TONIGHT IS REALLY THE OPTIMUM
TIME TO BRING HIM OUT.
NOW HE'S BACKSTAGE NOW.

TIME TO BRING HIM OUT.
NOW HE'S BACKSTAGE NOW.
I'M GONNA BRING HIM OUT, BUT I

NOW HE'S BACKSTAGE NOW.
I'M GONNA BRING HIM OUT, BUT I
WANT YOU TO REALLY MAKE HIM FEEL

I'M GONNA BRING HIM OUT, BUT I
WANT YOU TO REALLY MAKE HIM FEEL
WELCOME, 'CAUSE IT WOULD MEAN A

WANT YOU TO REALLY MAKE HIM FEEL
WELCOME, 'CAUSE IT WOULD MEAN A
LOT TO ME AND A LOT OF PEOPLE

WELCOME, 'CAUSE IT WOULD MEAN A
LOT TO ME AND A LOT OF PEOPLE
HERE ON THE SHOW.

LOT TO ME AND A LOT OF PEOPLE
HERE ON THE SHOW.
SO I'M GONNA BRING HIM OUT NOW,

HERE ON THE SHOW.
SO I'M GONNA BRING HIM OUT NOW,
AND REALLY LET HIM KNOW HOW YOU

SO I'M GONNA BRING HIM OUT NOW,
AND REALLY LET HIM KNOW HOW YOU
FEEL.

AND REALLY LET HIM KNOW HOW YOU
FEEL.
OKAY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, NOW

FEEL.
OKAY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, NOW
FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT, I'D LIKE

OKAY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, NOW
FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT, I'D LIKE
TO BRING OUT ONE OF THE FUNNIEST

FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT, I'D LIKE
TO BRING OUT ONE OF THE FUNNIEST
GUYS IN THE WORLD.

TO BRING OUT ONE OF THE FUNNIEST
GUYS IN THE WORLD.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE COMEDY

GUYS IN THE WORLD.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE COMEDY
STYLINGS OF MR. AL FRANKEN!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE COMEDY
STYLINGS OF MR. AL FRANKEN!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

STYLINGS OF MR. AL FRANKEN!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
LET'S HEAR IT FOR HIM.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
LET'S HEAR IT FOR HIM.
COME ON OUT HERE.

SORRY, SORRY.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
HERE.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
HERE.
I'M SORRY.

HERE.
I'M SORRY.
ALL RIGHT.

I'M SORRY.
ALL RIGHT.
SORRY.

ALL RIGHT.
SORRY.
I'VE SET THE MICROPHONE.

SORRY.
I'VE SET THE MICROPHONE.
IF I, UH, IF I BEGIN TO PASS

I'VE SET THE MICROPHONE.
IF I, UH, IF I BEGIN TO PASS
OUT, JUST PUT A LITTLE WATER ON

IF I, UH, IF I BEGIN TO PASS
OUT, JUST PUT A LITTLE WATER ON
ME.

OUT, JUST PUT A LITTLE WATER ON
ME.
YEAH, YOU TOLD ME.

ME.
YEAH, YOU TOLD ME.
YOU TOLD ME SEVERAL TIMES.

YEAH, YOU TOLD ME.
YOU TOLD ME SEVERAL TIMES.
NOW GO ON OUT THERE AND HAVE

YOU TOLD ME SEVERAL TIMES.
NOW GO ON OUT THERE AND HAVE
FUN.

NOW GO ON OUT THERE AND HAVE
FUN.
KNOCK THEM DEAD.

FUN.
KNOCK THEM DEAD.
GO AHEAD.

KNOCK THEM DEAD.
GO AHEAD.
GO AHEAD.

GO AHEAD.
GO AHEAD.
GOOD EVENING, LADIES AND

GO AHEAD.
GOOD EVENING, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN.

GOOD EVENING, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN.
FIRST OF ALL, I'D LIKE TO SAY HI

GENTLEMEN.
FIRST OF ALL, I'D LIKE TO SAY HI
TO MY PARENTS, WHO ARE WATCHING

FIRST OF ALL, I'D LIKE TO SAY HI
TO MY PARENTS, WHO ARE WATCHING
TONIGHT AT HOME.

TO MY PARENTS, WHO ARE WATCHING
TONIGHT AT HOME.
UM...

TONIGHT AT HOME.
UM...
CHEER UP, MOM AND DAD.

UM...
CHEER UP, MOM AND DAD.
[Voice breaking] EVERYTHING'S

CHEER UP, MOM AND DAD.
[Voice breaking] EVERYTHING'S
GONNA BE OKAY!

[Voice breaking] EVERYTHING'S
GONNA BE OKAY!
HAVE YOU HEARD THE ONE ABOUT THE

GONNA BE OKAY!
HAVE YOU HEARD THE ONE ABOUT THE
RABBI WHO DIDN'T CHARGE FOR

HAVE YOU HEARD THE ONE ABOUT THE
RABBI WHO DIDN'T CHARGE FOR
GIVING CIRCUMCISIONS?

RABBI WHO DIDN'T CHARGE FOR
GIVING CIRCUMCISIONS?
HE ONLY TOOK TIPS.

GIVING CIRCUMCISIONS?
HE ONLY TOOK TIPS.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

HE ONLY TOOK TIPS.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
YOU'RE DOING GREAT!

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
YOU'RE DOING GREAT!
KANGAROO WALKS INTO A BAR,

YOU'RE DOING GREAT!
KANGAROO WALKS INTO A BAR,
ORDERS A MARTINI WITH A

KANGAROO WALKS INTO A BAR,
ORDERS A MARTINI WITH A
HAZELNUT.

ORDERS A MARTINI WITH A
HAZELNUT.
BARTENDER DOESN'T BLINK AN EYE.

HAZELNUT.
BARTENDER DOESN'T BLINK AN EYE.
ELEPHANT WALKS IN.

BARTENDER DOESN'T BLINK AN EYE.
ELEPHANT WALKS IN.
ORDERS A MARTINI WITH A

ELEPHANT WALKS IN.
ORDERS A MARTINI WITH A
HAZELNUT.

ORDERS A MARTINI WITH A
HAZELNUT.
BARTENDER DOESN'T BLINK AN EYE.

HAZELNUT.
BARTENDER DOESN'T BLINK AN EYE.
ZEBRA WALKS IN.

BARTENDER DOESN'T BLINK AN EYE.
ZEBRA WALKS IN.
YEAH.

ZEBRA WALKS IN.
YEAH.
ORDERS A MARTINI, NO

YEAH.
ORDERS A MARTINI, NO
HAZELNUT.

ORDERS A MARTINI, NO
HAZELNUT.
SO THE BARTENDER SAID...

YOU ALL RIGHT?
IS THAT ENOUGH?
ALL RIGHT?

HE ONLY TOOK TIPS.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
WHOO-HOO!

I WENT OVER TO MY FRIEND'S
HOUSE.
HE HAD A 500-POUND GORILLA.

HOUSE.
HE HAD A 500-POUND GORILLA.
AND I ASKED HIM.

HE HAD A 500-POUND GORILLA.
AND I ASKED HIM.
I SAID, "WHERE DOES A 500-POUND

AND I ASKED HIM.
I SAID, "WHERE DOES A 500-POUND
GORILLA SLEEP?"

I SAID, "WHERE DOES A 500-POUND
GORILLA SLEEP?"
AND HE SAID...

IS THAT ENOUGH?
A LITTLE MORE.
HE ONLY TOOK TIPS.

A LITTLE MORE.
HE ONLY TOOK TIPS.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LET'S

HE ONLY TOOK TIPS.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LET'S
HEAR IT FOR THE COMEDY STYLINGS

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LET'S
HEAR IT FOR THE COMEDY STYLINGS
OF AL FRANKEN!

HEAR IT FOR THE COMEDY STYLINGS
OF AL FRANKEN!
LET'S HEAR IT FOR HIM!

OF AL FRANKEN!
LET'S HEAR IT FOR HIM!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

LET'S HEAR IT FOR HIM!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
YOU WERE GREAT.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
YOU WERE GREAT.
THEY WERE ROLLING IN THE AISLES.

YOU WERE GREAT.
THEY WERE ROLLING IN THE AISLES.
I DID A GOOD JOB?

THEY WERE ROLLING IN THE AISLES.
I DID A GOOD JOB?
WAIT TILL YOU SEE THE TAPE.

Both: GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY!

MASTER GONNA GIVE IT TO ME,
BUT FIRST I'M GONNA GIVE IT TO
YOU.

BUT FIRST I'M GONNA GIVE IT TO
YOU.
TAKE ME, MANDINGO!

YOU.
TAKE ME, MANDINGO!
Announcer: BEHIND THE

TAKE ME, MANDINGO!
Announcer: BEHIND THE
HOOPSKIRTS AND HOSPITALITY, THE

Announcer: BEHIND THE
HOOPSKIRTS AND HOSPITALITY, THE
MINT JULEPS AND MAGNOLIA

HOOPSKIRTS AND HOSPITALITY, THE
MINT JULEPS AND MAGNOLIA
BLOSSOMS OF THE OLD SOUTH WAS A

MINT JULEPS AND MAGNOLIA
BLOSSOMS OF THE OLD SOUTH WAS A
WORLD FEW PEOPLE KNEW EXISTED, A

BLOSSOMS OF THE OLD SOUTH WAS A
WORLD FEW PEOPLE KNEW EXISTED, A
WORLD OF VIOLENCE, CRUELTY,

WORLD FEW PEOPLE KNEW EXISTED, A
WORLD OF VIOLENCE, CRUELTY,
GREED, AND LUST...

WORLD OF VIOLENCE, CRUELTY,
GREED, AND LUST...
"MANDINGO II."

GREED, AND LUST...
"MANDINGO II."
PLEASURE ME, YOU EBONY WENCH.

"MANDINGO II."
PLEASURE ME, YOU EBONY WENCH.
Announcer: "MANDINGO II"...

PLEASURE ME, YOU EBONY WENCH.
Announcer: "MANDINGO II"...
IT BRINGS TO THE SCREEN THE

Announcer: "MANDINGO II"...
IT BRINGS TO THE SCREEN THE
SOUNDS, THE SMELL, THE FLAMING

IT BRINGS TO THE SCREEN THE
SOUNDS, THE SMELL, THE FLAMING
PASSIONS OF THE SLAVE-BREEDING

SOUNDS, THE SMELL, THE FLAMING
PASSIONS OF THE SLAVE-BREEDING
PLANTATIONS, WHERE MEN AND WOMEN

PASSIONS OF THE SLAVE-BREEDING
PLANTATIONS, WHERE MEN AND WOMEN
MATED AND BRED LIKE CATTLE.

PLANTATIONS, WHERE MEN AND WOMEN
MATED AND BRED LIKE CATTLE.
"MANDINGO II."

MATED AND BRED LIKE CATTLE.
"MANDINGO II."
PLEASURE ME, YOU LILY-WHITE

"MANDINGO II."
PLEASURE ME, YOU LILY-WHITE
WENCH.

PLEASURE ME, YOU LILY-WHITE
WENCH.
MY HEAD IS ACHING ME AWFUL

WENCH.
MY HEAD IS ACHING ME AWFUL
BAD.

MY HEAD IS ACHING ME AWFUL
BAD.
I THINK I'LL GO LIE DOWN...

BAD.
I THINK I'LL GO LIE DOWN...
ALONE.

I THINK I'LL GO LIE DOWN...
ALONE.
I'VE GOT TO GO TOIL IN THE

ALONE.
I'VE GOT TO GO TOIL IN THE
COTTON FIELDS NOW.

I'VE GOT TO GO TOIL IN THE
COTTON FIELDS NOW.
TAKE ME, MANDINGO.

COTTON FIELDS NOW.
TAKE ME, MANDINGO.
Announcer: "MANDINGO II"...

TAKE ME, MANDINGO.
Announcer: "MANDINGO II"...
YOU MAY HATE IT.

Announcer: "MANDINGO II"...
YOU MAY HATE IT.
YOU MAY BE DISGUSTED BY IT.

YOU MAY HATE IT.
YOU MAY BE DISGUSTED BY IT.
YOU MAY THROW UP AT IT.

YOU MAY BE DISGUSTED BY IT.
YOU MAY THROW UP AT IT.
BUT YOU'LL NEVER FORGET IT.

YOU MAY THROW UP AT IT.
BUT YOU'LL NEVER FORGET IT.
"MANDINGO II."

BUT YOU'LL NEVER FORGET IT.
"MANDINGO II."
PLEASURE ME, YOU EBONY WENCH.

"MANDINGO II."
PLEASURE ME, YOU EBONY WENCH.
Announcer: "MANDINGO II"...

PLEASURE ME, YOU EBONY WENCH.
Announcer: "MANDINGO II"...
THE SENSUAL, THE SHOCKING, THE

Announcer: "MANDINGO II"...
THE SENSUAL, THE SHOCKING, THE
POWERFUL, THE SHAMEFUL, THE

THE SENSUAL, THE SHOCKING, THE
POWERFUL, THE SHAMEFUL, THE
HILARIOUS.

POWERFUL, THE SHAMEFUL, THE
HILARIOUS.
"MANDINGO II."

HILARIOUS.
"MANDINGO II."
TAKE ME, CLOVER.

"MANDINGO II."
TAKE ME, CLOVER.
TAKE ME.

TAKE ME, CLOVER.
TAKE ME.
Announcer: "MANDINGO II."

GOOD EVENING.
WELCOME TO PUBLIC ACCESS CABLE
CHANNEL "D."

WELCOME TO PUBLIC ACCESS CABLE
CHANNEL "D."
THIS IS "E. BUZZ MILLER'S ANIMAL

CHANNEL "D."
THIS IS "E. BUZZ MILLER'S ANIMAL
KINGDOM."

THIS IS "E. BUZZ MILLER'S ANIMAL
KINGDOM."
I'M YOUR HOST, E. BUZZ MILLER.

KINGDOM."
I'M YOUR HOST, E. BUZZ MILLER.
AND OF COURSE, OUR LOVELY GUEST

I'M YOUR HOST, E. BUZZ MILLER.
AND OF COURSE, OUR LOVELY GUEST
TO THE LEFT HERE IS

AND OF COURSE, OUR LOVELY GUEST
TO THE LEFT HERE IS
MISS CHRISTY CHRISTINA, WHO WILL

TO THE LEFT HERE IS
MISS CHRISTY CHRISTINA, WHO WILL
BE DANCING AT THE PARADISE

MISS CHRISTY CHRISTINA, WHO WILL
BE DANCING AT THE PARADISE
LOUNGE ALL THIS WEEK.

BE DANCING AT THE PARADISE
LOUNGE ALL THIS WEEK.
AND, UH, CHRISTY'S OUR EXPERT

LOUNGE ALL THIS WEEK.
AND, UH, CHRISTY'S OUR EXPERT
ON ANIMAL BEHAVIOR.

AND, UH, CHRISTY'S OUR EXPERT
ON ANIMAL BEHAVIOR.
ISN'T THAT RIGHT, CHRISTY?

ON ANIMAL BEHAVIOR.
ISN'T THAT RIGHT, CHRISTY?
I GUESS SO!

ISN'T THAT RIGHT, CHRISTY?
I GUESS SO!
[GIGGLES]

I GUESS SO!
[GIGGLES]
OKAY, ENOUGH TALK, VIEWERS.

[GIGGLES]
OKAY, ENOUGH TALK, VIEWERS.
LET'S GET RIGHT TO THIS WEEK'S

OKAY, ENOUGH TALK, VIEWERS.
LET'S GET RIGHT TO THIS WEEK'S
EXCITING ANIMAL KINGDOM.

LET'S GET RIGHT TO THIS WEEK'S
EXCITING ANIMAL KINGDOM.
OUR FIRST FEATURE TONIGHT IS A

EXCITING ANIMAL KINGDOM.
OUR FIRST FEATURE TONIGHT IS A
FROG COUPLE YOU SEE HERE.

OUR FIRST FEATURE TONIGHT IS A
FROG COUPLE YOU SEE HERE.
THEY'RE MEMBERS OF THE REPTILE

FROG COUPLE YOU SEE HERE.
THEY'RE MEMBERS OF THE REPTILE
GROUP OF THE ANIMAL KINGDOM.

THEY'RE MEMBERS OF THE REPTILE
GROUP OF THE ANIMAL KINGDOM.
THEY MAY BE COLD-BLOODED, BUT IT

GROUP OF THE ANIMAL KINGDOM.
THEY MAY BE COLD-BLOODED, BUT IT
DON'T STOP THEM FROM HAVING A

THEY MAY BE COLD-BLOODED, BUT IT
DON'T STOP THEM FROM HAVING A
LOT OF FUN.

DON'T STOP THEM FROM HAVING A
LOT OF FUN.
WOULDN'T YOU SAY SO, CHRISTY?

LOT OF FUN.
WOULDN'T YOU SAY SO, CHRISTY?
I DON'T KNOW.

WOULDN'T YOU SAY SO, CHRISTY?
I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T THINK I'D LIKE TO BE A

I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T THINK I'D LIKE TO BE A
FROG!

I DON'T THINK I'D LIKE TO BE A
FROG!
[GIGGLES]

FROG!
[GIGGLES]
WELL, CHRISTY, LET'S TAKE A

[GIGGLES]
WELL, CHRISTY, LET'S TAKE A
COUPLE OF LOOKS AT OUR LITTLE

WELL, CHRISTY, LET'S TAKE A
COUPLE OF LOOKS AT OUR LITTLE
FRIENDS IN THE INSECT WORLD.

COUPLE OF LOOKS AT OUR LITTLE
FRIENDS IN THE INSECT WORLD.
MAYBE YOU'LL SEE SOMETHING YOU

FRIENDS IN THE INSECT WORLD.
MAYBE YOU'LL SEE SOMETHING YOU
LIKE.

MAYBE YOU'LL SEE SOMETHING YOU
LIKE.
HERE'S A LADYBUG.

LIKE.
HERE'S A LADYBUG.
THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF THEIR

HERE'S A LADYBUG.
THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF THEIR
REPRODUCTIVE CYCLE.

THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF THEIR
REPRODUCTIVE CYCLE.
LOOK.

REPRODUCTIVE CYCLE.
LOOK.
IT LOOKS LIKE HE SNUCK UP ON

LOOK.
IT LOOKS LIKE HE SNUCK UP ON
HER!

IT LOOKS LIKE HE SNUCK UP ON
HER!
OH, I THINK SHE KNEW WHAT WAS

HER!
OH, I THINK SHE KNEW WHAT WAS
GOING ON.

OH, I THINK SHE KNEW WHAT WAS
GOING ON.
A COUPLE OF MONARCH

GOING ON.
A COUPLE OF MONARCH
BUTTERFLIES WITH A NEW APPROACH.

A COUPLE OF MONARCH
BUTTERFLIES WITH A NEW APPROACH.
EVER THOUGHT OF HANGING UPSIDE

BUTTERFLIES WITH A NEW APPROACH.
EVER THOUGHT OF HANGING UPSIDE
DOWN FROM A MILKWEED PLANT?

EVER THOUGHT OF HANGING UPSIDE
DOWN FROM A MILKWEED PLANT?
OH, I'D BE AFRAID OF FALLING

DOWN FROM A MILKWEED PLANT?
OH, I'D BE AFRAID OF FALLING
OFF!

OH, I'D BE AFRAID OF FALLING
OFF!
[GIGGLES]

OFF!
[GIGGLES]
YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO WORRY.

[GIGGLES]
YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO WORRY.
THERE'D BE PLENTY TO HANG ONTO.

YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO WORRY.
THERE'D BE PLENTY TO HANG ONTO.
[GIGGLES]

THERE'D BE PLENTY TO HANG ONTO.
[GIGGLES]
NOW, HERE'S AN OFTEN-IGNORED

[GIGGLES]
NOW, HERE'S AN OFTEN-IGNORED
MEMBER OF THE ANIMAL KINGDOM.

NOW, HERE'S AN OFTEN-IGNORED
MEMBER OF THE ANIMAL KINGDOM.
BIOLOGISTS CALL IT THE

MEMBER OF THE ANIMAL KINGDOM.
BIOLOGISTS CALL IT THE
ANNELID... AN EARTHWORM, THE

BIOLOGISTS CALL IT THE
ANNELID... AN EARTHWORM, THE
COMMON EARTHWORM.

ANNELID... AN EARTHWORM, THE
COMMON EARTHWORM.
THEY'RE CONSIDERED A PRIMITIVE

COMMON EARTHWORM.
THEY'RE CONSIDERED A PRIMITIVE
LIFE-FORM.

THEY'RE CONSIDERED A PRIMITIVE
LIFE-FORM.
THAT ONE HAS HERPES!

LIFE-FORM.
THAT ONE HAS HERPES!
[GIGGLES]

THAT ONE HAS HERPES!
[GIGGLES]
YEAH, THAT'S WHAT IT LOOKS

[GIGGLES]
YEAH, THAT'S WHAT IT LOOKS
LIKE, CHRISTY.

YEAH, THAT'S WHAT IT LOOKS
LIKE, CHRISTY.
I THINK THEY GOT SOMETHING GOING

LIKE, CHRISTY.
I THINK THEY GOT SOMETHING GOING
HERE, BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, THEY

I THINK THEY GOT SOMETHING GOING
HERE, BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, THEY
GOT THESE SPIKES TO HELP THEM

HERE, BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, THEY
GOT THESE SPIKES TO HELP THEM
GRAB ONTO EACH OTHER, YOU KNOW?

GOT THESE SPIKES TO HELP THEM
GRAB ONTO EACH OTHER, YOU KNOW?
AND HERE, YOU'RE GONNA SEE THEM

GRAB ONTO EACH OTHER, YOU KNOW?
AND HERE, YOU'RE GONNA SEE THEM
FORMING A MUCUS SAC TO EXCHANGE

AND HERE, YOU'RE GONNA SEE THEM
FORMING A MUCUS SAC TO EXCHANGE
SPERM.

FORMING A MUCUS SAC TO EXCHANGE
SPERM.
NOW THIS IS A BIOLOGICAL FACT.

SPERM.
NOW THIS IS A BIOLOGICAL FACT.
EACH OF THESE WORMS HAS BOTH

NOW THIS IS A BIOLOGICAL FACT.
EACH OF THESE WORMS HAS BOTH
MALE AND FEMALE ORGANS.

EACH OF THESE WORMS HAS BOTH
MALE AND FEMALE ORGANS.
HONEST TO GOD.

MALE AND FEMALE ORGANS.
HONEST TO GOD.
THEY'RE AC/DC!

HONEST TO GOD.
THEY'RE AC/DC!
KIND OF LIKE ELTON JOHN.

THEY'RE AC/DC!
KIND OF LIKE ELTON JOHN.
RIGHT, CHRISTY.

KIND OF LIKE ELTON JOHN.
RIGHT, CHRISTY.
EXCEPT, THESE WORMS DO IT WITH

RIGHT, CHRISTY.
EXCEPT, THESE WORMS DO IT WITH
SPIKES.

EXCEPT, THESE WORMS DO IT WITH
SPIKES.
THEY'RE THE LOWEST FORM OF LIFE,

SPIKES.
THEY'RE THE LOWEST FORM OF LIFE,
BUT THEY REALLY GET OFF!

THEY'RE THE LOWEST FORM OF LIFE,
BUT THEY REALLY GET OFF!
THEY'RE S/M SWITCH HITTERS!

BUT THEY REALLY GET OFF!
THEY'RE S/M SWITCH HITTERS!
HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, CHRISTY?

THEY'RE S/M SWITCH HITTERS!
HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, CHRISTY?
OH, I THINK IT'S DISGUSTING.

HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, CHRISTY?
OH, I THINK IT'S DISGUSTING.
HOW ABOUT THAT ONE... 33

OH, I THINK IT'S DISGUSTING.
HOW ABOUT THAT ONE... 33
INCHES.

HOW ABOUT THAT ONE... 33
INCHES.
YOU EVER SEEN A WORM 33 INCHES

INCHES.
YOU EVER SEEN A WORM 33 INCHES
LONG?

YOU EVER SEEN A WORM 33 INCHES
LONG?
I DON'T KNOW.

LONG?
I DON'T KNOW.
I'LL BET YOU DON'T!

I DON'T KNOW.
I'LL BET YOU DON'T!
OKAY, VIEWERS, OUR FINAL COUPLE

I'LL BET YOU DON'T!
OKAY, VIEWERS, OUR FINAL COUPLE
ON "ANIMAL KINGDOM," I THINK

OKAY, VIEWERS, OUR FINAL COUPLE
ON "ANIMAL KINGDOM," I THINK
YOU'RE GONNA LIKE THIS.

ON "ANIMAL KINGDOM," I THINK
YOU'RE GONNA LIKE THIS.
SEE SOME SALAMANDERS IN THEIR

YOU'RE GONNA LIKE THIS.
SEE SOME SALAMANDERS IN THEIR
NATURAL ENVIRONMENT, DOING WHAT

SEE SOME SALAMANDERS IN THEIR
NATURAL ENVIRONMENT, DOING WHAT
MAKES THE ANIMAL KINGDOM SO

NATURAL ENVIRONMENT, DOING WHAT
MAKES THE ANIMAL KINGDOM SO
EXCITING.

MAKES THE ANIMAL KINGDOM SO
EXCITING.
AND ON THAT NOTE, I'D LIKE TO

EXCITING.
AND ON THAT NOTE, I'D LIKE TO
SAY GOODNIGHT, ON BEHALF OF

AND ON THAT NOTE, I'D LIKE TO
SAY GOODNIGHT, ON BEHALF OF
CHRISTY AND ME, E. BUZZ MILLER,

SAY GOODNIGHT, ON BEHALF OF
CHRISTY AND ME, E. BUZZ MILLER,
HOPING YOU'LL TAKE A CUE FROM

CHRISTY AND ME, E. BUZZ MILLER,
HOPING YOU'LL TAKE A CUE FROM
THE ANIMAL KINGDOM AND HAVE A

HOPING YOU'LL TAKE A CUE FROM
THE ANIMAL KINGDOM AND HAVE A
GOOD TIME YOURSELF TONIGHT.

THE ANIMAL KINGDOM AND HAVE A
GOOD TIME YOURSELF TONIGHT.
CHRISTY, I WANT TO BUY YOU A

GOOD TIME YOURSELF TONIGHT.
CHRISTY, I WANT TO BUY YOU A
DRINK.

CHRISTY, I WANT TO BUY YOU A
DRINK.
OKAY, BUZZ!

DRINK.
OKAY, BUZZ!
[GIGGLES]

YOU WANT TO GET SOMEWHERE
FAST, YOU GOT TO GO WITH A
WINNER.

FAST, YOU GOT TO GO WITH A
WINNER.
GO, O.J.! GO!

LOOK.
I WANT TO GET SOMEWHERE FAST.
WHERE'S MY KEYS?

I WANT TO GET SOMEWHERE FAST.
WHERE'S MY KEYS?
WHAT'S YOUR NAME, SIR?

WHERE'S MY KEYS?
WHAT'S YOUR NAME, SIR?
SIMPSON... O.J. SIMPSON.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME, SIR?
SIMPSON... O.J. SIMPSON.
LOOK.

SIMPSON... O.J. SIMPSON.
LOOK.
I CALLED AHEAD AND HAD MY

LOOK.
I CALLED AHEAD AND HAD MY
RESERVATION CONFIRMED.

I CALLED AHEAD AND HAD MY
RESERVATION CONFIRMED.
LET ME SEE.

RESERVATION CONFIRMED.
LET ME SEE.
SIMPSON.

LET ME SEE.
SIMPSON.
OOH, I'M SORRY, SIR.

SIMPSON.
OOH, I'M SORRY, SIR.
YOUR CAR WAS GIVEN TO

OOH, I'M SORRY, SIR.
YOUR CAR WAS GIVEN TO
WALTER PAYTON.

YOUR CAR WAS GIVEN TO
WALTER PAYTON.
BUT I HAD IT RESERVED!

WALTER PAYTON.
BUT I HAD IT RESERVED!
YES, BUT HE HAD A BETTER

BUT I HAD IT RESERVED!
YES, BUT HE HAD A BETTER
SEASON.

YES, BUT HE HAD A BETTER
SEASON.
WE ALSO HAVE TO GO WITH A

SEASON.
WE ALSO HAVE TO GO WITH A
WINNER.

Announcer: ONCE AGAIN,
ASHFORD AND SIMPSON.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

ASHFORD AND SIMPSON.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[UP-TEMPO INTRODUCTION PLAYS]

♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ WHOO ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪

♪ WHOO ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ THINK, THINK ABOUT THE WAY

♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ THINK, THINK ABOUT THE WAY
OF REJECTION ♪

♪ THINK, THINK ABOUT THE WAY
OF REJECTION ♪
♪ YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE

OF REJECTION ♪
♪ YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE
REACHING FOR PERFECTION ♪

♪ YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE
REACHING FOR PERFECTION ♪
♪ THINK, THINK ABOUT

REACHING FOR PERFECTION ♪
♪ THINK, THINK ABOUT
THE REASON YOU EXIST ♪

♪ THINK, THINK ABOUT
THE REASON YOU EXIST ♪
♪ I THINK I GOT SOMETHING

THE REASON YOU EXIST ♪
♪ I THINK I GOT SOMETHING
YOU MIGHT NOT WANT TO MISS ♪

♪ I THINK I GOT SOMETHING
YOU MIGHT NOT WANT TO MISS ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪

YOU MIGHT NOT WANT TO MISS ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ OW! ♪

♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ OW! ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪

♪ OW! ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ NO-OH ♪

♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ NO-OH ♪
♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪

♪ NO-OH ♪
♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ THINK, THINK ABOUT

♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ THINK, THINK ABOUT
YOUR POINT OF VIEW ♪

♪ THINK, THINK ABOUT
YOUR POINT OF VIEW ♪
♪ YOU DON'T HAVE TO GET

YOUR POINT OF VIEW ♪
♪ YOU DON'T HAVE TO GET
INVOLVED ♪

♪ YOU DON'T HAVE TO GET
INVOLVED ♪
♪ NO ONE'S FORCING YOU ♪

INVOLVED ♪
♪ NO ONE'S FORCING YOU ♪
♪ STOP, STOP

♪ NO ONE'S FORCING YOU ♪
♪ STOP, STOP
AND LISTEN TO THE VOICE ♪

♪ STOP, STOP
AND LISTEN TO THE VOICE ♪
♪ GOOD GOD ALIVE, HA ♪

AND LISTEN TO THE VOICE ♪
♪ GOOD GOD ALIVE, HA ♪
♪ YOU'VE ALWAYS GOT A CHOICE ♪

♪ GOOD GOD ALIVE, HA ♪
♪ YOU'VE ALWAYS GOT A CHOICE ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪

♪ YOU'VE ALWAYS GOT A CHOICE ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ TAKE A CHANCE AS YOU GO ♪

♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ TAKE A CHANCE AS YOU GO ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪

♪ TAKE A CHANCE AS YOU GO ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ NO ♪

♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ NO ♪
♪ IF YOU LIKE IT,

♪ NO ♪
♪ IF YOU LIKE IT,
COME BACK FOR MORE ♪

♪ IF YOU LIKE IT,
COME BACK FOR MORE ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪

COME BACK FOR MORE ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ TAKE A CHANCE AS YOU GO ♪

♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ TAKE A CHANCE AS YOU GO ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪

♪ TAKE A CHANCE AS YOU GO ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ IF YOU LIKE IT,

♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ IF YOU LIKE IT,
COME BACK FOR MORE ♪

♪ IF YOU LIKE IT,
COME BACK FOR MORE ♪
♪ I AIN'T SELLING MYSELF TO YOU,

COME BACK FOR MORE ♪
♪ I AIN'T SELLING MYSELF TO YOU,
BABY ♪

♪ I AIN'T SELLING MYSELF TO YOU,
BABY ♪
♪ NO ♪

BABY ♪
♪ NO ♪
♪ THE WAY THAT OTHERS

♪ NO ♪
♪ THE WAY THAT OTHERS
OFTEN DO ♪

♪ THE WAY THAT OTHERS
OFTEN DO ♪
♪ BEFORE YOU LABEL ME CRAZY,

OFTEN DO ♪
♪ BEFORE YOU LABEL ME CRAZY,
PLEASE EXAMINE

♪ BEFORE YOU LABEL ME CRAZY,
PLEASE EXAMINE
WHAT I OFFER YOU ♪

PLEASE EXAMINE
WHAT I OFFER YOU ♪
♪ IT DON'T, IT DON'T COST YOU ♪

WHAT I OFFER YOU ♪
♪ IT DON'T, IT DON'T COST YOU ♪
♪ IT DON'T, IT DON'T COST YOU

♪ IT DON'T, IT DON'T COST YOU ♪
♪ IT DON'T, IT DON'T COST YOU
NOTHIN' ♪

♪ IT DON'T, IT DON'T COST YOU
NOTHIN' ♪
♪ OH ♪

NOTHIN' ♪
♪ OH ♪
♪ OH ♪

♪ WHOO-OOH ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ TAKE A CHANCE AS YOU GO ♪

♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ TAKE A CHANCE AS YOU GO ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪

♪ TAKE A CHANCE AS YOU GO ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ NO ♪

♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ NO ♪
♪ IF YOU LIKE IT,

♪ NO ♪
♪ IF YOU LIKE IT,
COME BACK FOR MORE ♪

♪ IF YOU LIKE IT,
COME BACK FOR MORE ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪

COME BACK FOR MORE ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪

♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ NO ♪

♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ NO ♪
♪ IT'S FREE,

♪ NO ♪
♪ IT'S FREE,
MY LOVE AND ME ♪

♪ IT'S FREE,
MY LOVE AND ME ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪

MY LOVE AND ME ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪

♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ OH, NO, NO, NO ♪

♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ OH, NO, NO, NO ♪
♪ HEY ♪

♪ OH, NO, NO, NO ♪
♪ HEY ♪
♪ WHOO-OOH ♪

♪ HEY ♪
♪ WHOO-OOH ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪

♪ WHOO-OOH ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪

♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ NOTHIN' ♪

♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ NOTHIN' ♪
♪ NOTHIN' ♪

♪ NOTHIN' ♪
♪ NOTHIN' ♪
♪ NOTHIN' ♪

♪ NOTHIN' ♪
♪ NOTHIN' ♪
♪ OOH, BABY ♪

♪ NOTHIN' ♪
♪ OOH, BABY ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪

♪ OOH, BABY ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪

♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪

♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪

♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ YE-E-E-AH ♪

♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ YE-E-E-AH ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪

♪ YE-E-E-AH ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ TAKE A CHANCE AS YOU GO ♪

♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ TAKE A CHANCE AS YOU GO ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪

♪ TAKE A CHANCE AS YOU GO ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ IF YOU LIKE IT,

♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ IF YOU LIKE IT,
COME BACK FOR MORE ♪

♪ IF YOU LIKE IT,
COME BACK FOR MORE ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪

COME BACK FOR MORE ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ TAKE A CHANCE AS YOU GO ♪

♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ TAKE A CHANCE AS YOU GO ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪

♪ TAKE A CHANCE AS YOU GO ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ IF YOU LIKE IT,

♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ IF YOU LIKE IT,
COME BACK FOR MORE ♪

♪ IF YOU LIKE IT,
COME BACK FOR MORE ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪

COME BACK FOR MORE ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪

♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ TAKE A CHANCE AS YOU GO ♪

♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ TAKE A CHANCE AS YOU GO ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪

♪ TAKE A CHANCE AS YOU GO ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ IF YOU LIKE IT,

♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ IF YOU LIKE IT,
COME BACK FOR MORE ♪

♪ IF YOU LIKE IT,
COME BACK FOR MORE ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪

COME BACK FOR MORE ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ TAKE A CHANCE AS YOU GO ♪

♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ TAKE A CHANCE AS YOU GO ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪

♪ TAKE A CHANCE AS YOU GO ♪
♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ IF YOU LIKE IT,

♪ DON'T COST YOU NOTHIN' ♪
♪ IF YOU LIKE IT,
COME BACK FOR MORE ♪

♪ IF YOU LIKE IT,
COME BACK FOR MORE ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Announcer: AND NOW IT'S TIME
FOR THE NETWORK "CELEBRITY
BATTLE OF THE SEXES & RACES."

FOR THE NETWORK "CELEBRITY
BATTLE OF THE SEXES & RACES."
HI, I'M BRENT MUSBURGER, AND

BATTLE OF THE SEXES & RACES."
HI, I'M BRENT MUSBURGER, AND
WELCOME TO THE "CELEBRITY BATTLE

HI, I'M BRENT MUSBURGER, AND
WELCOME TO THE "CELEBRITY BATTLE
OF THE SEXES & RACES."

WELCOME TO THE "CELEBRITY BATTLE
OF THE SEXES & RACES."
WE'RE IN THE THIRD DAY OF AN

OF THE SEXES & RACES."
WE'RE IN THE THIRD DAY OF AN
EXCITING MARATHON CONTEST HERE

WE'RE IN THE THIRD DAY OF AN
EXCITING MARATHON CONTEST HERE
WITH O.J. SIMPSON AND

EXCITING MARATHON CONTEST HERE
WITH O.J. SIMPSON AND
LEON SPINKS REPRESENTING THE

WITH O.J. SIMPSON AND
LEON SPINKS REPRESENTING THE
BLACK MEN, AND SANDY DUNCAN AND

LEON SPINKS REPRESENTING THE
BLACK MEN, AND SANDY DUNCAN AND
MARIE OSMOND THE WHITE WOMEN.

SO, AS THE ACTION RESUMES, WE

FIND THE BLACK MEN WITH A

COMMANDING LEAD OVER THE WHITE

WOMEN OF 3,100 TO NOTHING.

AND NOW LET'S GO OVER TO

PHYLLIS GEORGE FOR ON-THE-SPOT

COVERAGE.

THANK YOU, BRENT.
I'M HERE AT THE YOUTH CENTER AT
THE MALCOLM "X" HIGH SCHOOL IN

I'M HERE AT THE YOUTH CENTER AT
THE MALCOLM "X" HIGH SCHOOL IN
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS, AND THERE'S

THE MALCOLM "X" HIGH SCHOOL IN
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS, AND THERE'S
NO SECRET ABOUT WHICH TEAM IS

CHICAGO, ILLINOIS, AND THERE'S
NO SECRET ABOUT WHICH TEAM IS
THE FAVORITE HERE TONIGHT.

NO SECRET ABOUT WHICH TEAM IS
THE FAVORITE HERE TONIGHT.
WELL, SANDY AND MARIE, HOW ARE

THE FAVORITE HERE TONIGHT.
WELL, SANDY AND MARIE, HOW ARE
YOU GIRLS FEELING?

WELL, SANDY AND MARIE, HOW ARE
YOU GIRLS FEELING?
NOT GOOD.

YOU GIRLS FEELING?
NOT GOOD.
YEAH, BUT WE'RE SHOWBIZ

NOT GOOD.
YEAH, BUT WE'RE SHOWBIZ
FOLKS, AND WE'RE GONNA GIVE IT

YEAH, BUT WE'RE SHOWBIZ
FOLKS, AND WE'RE GONNA GIVE IT
EVERYTHING WE'VE GOT!

FOLKS, AND WE'RE GONNA GIVE IT
EVERYTHING WE'VE GOT!
RIGHT, SANDY?

EVERYTHING WE'VE GOT!
RIGHT, SANDY?
I GUESS SO.

RIGHT, SANDY?
I GUESS SO.
HI, DONNY!

I GUESS SO.
HI, DONNY!
WELL, GOOD LUCK, WHITE WOMEN.

HI, DONNY!
WELL, GOOD LUCK, WHITE WOMEN.
AND NOW LET'S SAY HELLO TO A

WELL, GOOD LUCK, WHITE WOMEN.
AND NOW LET'S SAY HELLO TO A
COUPLE OF GUYS WHO MUST BE

AND NOW LET'S SAY HELLO TO A
COUPLE OF GUYS WHO MUST BE
FEELING PRETTY GOOD ABOUT NOW,

COUPLE OF GUYS WHO MUST BE
FEELING PRETTY GOOD ABOUT NOW,
O.J. SIMPSON AND LEON SPINKS.

FEELING PRETTY GOOD ABOUT NOW,
O.J. SIMPSON AND LEON SPINKS.
HOW ARE YOU DOING, PHYLLIS?

O.J. SIMPSON AND LEON SPINKS.
HOW ARE YOU DOING, PHYLLIS?
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE A PRETTY

HOW ARE YOU DOING, PHYLLIS?
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE A PRETTY
BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, HUH?

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE A PRETTY
BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, HUH?
WHY DON'T YOU JOIN SANDY, MARIE,

BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, HUH?
WHY DON'T YOU JOIN SANDY, MARIE,
AND I AFTER THE SHOW?

WHY DON'T YOU JOIN SANDY, MARIE,
AND I AFTER THE SHOW?
ALL THREE OF US?

AND I AFTER THE SHOW?
ALL THREE OF US?
WON'T YOU BE A LITTLE TIRED

ALL THREE OF US?
WON'T YOU BE A LITTLE TIRED
AFTER ALL THAT EXERCISE, JUICE?

WON'T YOU BE A LITTLE TIRED
AFTER ALL THAT EXERCISE, JUICE?
HEY, MY MOUTH DON'T WRITE NO

AFTER ALL THAT EXERCISE, JUICE?
HEY, MY MOUTH DON'T WRITE NO
CHECKS MY BODY CAN'T CASH.

HEY, MY MOUTH DON'T WRITE NO
CHECKS MY BODY CAN'T CASH.
WELL, OKAY.

CHECKS MY BODY CAN'T CASH.
WELL, OKAY.
IF YOU CAN HANDLE IT, FINE.

WELL, OKAY.
IF YOU CAN HANDLE IT, FINE.
LEON, HOW DO SANDY AND MARIE

IF YOU CAN HANDLE IT, FINE.
LEON, HOW DO SANDY AND MARIE
STACK UP AGAINST MUHAMMAD ALI?

LEON, HOW DO SANDY AND MARIE
STACK UP AGAINST MUHAMMAD ALI?
WELL, I'M WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT

STACK UP AGAINST MUHAMMAD ALI?
WELL, I'M WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT
CHAMPION NOW, AND THAT'D BE A

WELL, I'M WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT
CHAMPION NOW, AND THAT'D BE A
PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVANTAGE.

CHAMPION NOW, AND THAT'D BE A
PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVANTAGE.
AND NOW FOR A RECAP OF THE

PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVANTAGE.
AND NOW FOR A RECAP OF THE
EVENTS SO FAR, LET'S GO BACK TO

AND NOW FOR A RECAP OF THE
EVENTS SO FAR, LET'S GO BACK TO
BRENT MUSBURGER.

EVENTS SO FAR, LET'S GO BACK TO
BRENT MUSBURGER.
WELL, PHYLLIS, WHAT WE'VE

BRENT MUSBURGER.
WELL, PHYLLIS, WHAT WE'VE
SEEN SO FAR HERE IS A ROUT BY

WELL, PHYLLIS, WHAT WE'VE
SEEN SO FAR HERE IS A ROUT BY
THE BLACK MEN.

SEEN SO FAR HERE IS A ROUT BY
THE BLACK MEN.
IF I WERE TO PICK SOME OF THE

THE BLACK MEN.
IF I WERE TO PICK SOME OF THE
KEY MOMENTS IN THIS COMPETITION,

IF I WERE TO PICK SOME OF THE
KEY MOMENTS IN THIS COMPETITION,
I'D SINGLE OUT BASKETBALL.

KEY MOMENTS IN THIS COMPETITION,
I'D SINGLE OUT BASKETBALL.
THAT HAD TO HURT THE WHITE WOMEN

I'D SINGLE OUT BASKETBALL.
THAT HAD TO HURT THE WHITE WOMEN
PSYCHOLOGICALLY.

THAT HAD TO HURT THE WHITE WOMEN
PSYCHOLOGICALLY.
WRESTLING, OF COURSE... THAT HAD

PSYCHOLOGICALLY.
WRESTLING, OF COURSE... THAT HAD
TO HURT THEM PHYSICALLY.

WRESTLING, OF COURSE... THAT HAD
TO HURT THEM PHYSICALLY.
BOXING... NO SURPRISE THERE WITH

TO HURT THEM PHYSICALLY.
BOXING... NO SURPRISE THERE WITH
LEON SPINKS ON THE TEAM.

BOXING... NO SURPRISE THERE WITH
LEON SPINKS ON THE TEAM.
AND THEN THERE WERE THE NOVELTY

LEON SPINKS ON THE TEAM.
AND THEN THERE WERE THE NOVELTY
EVENTS.

AND THEN THERE WERE THE NOVELTY
EVENTS.
THE LATE-NIGHT SUBWAY-RIDING

EVENTS.
THE LATE-NIGHT SUBWAY-RIDING
CONTEST WAS NO CONTEST, OF

THE LATE-NIGHT SUBWAY-RIDING
CONTEST WAS NO CONTEST, OF
COURSE.

CONTEST WAS NO CONTEST, OF
COURSE.
THE "PICKING UP WHITE GIRLS"

COURSE.
THE "PICKING UP WHITE GIRLS"
EVENT A FRUSTRATING EVENING FOR

THE "PICKING UP WHITE GIRLS"
EVENT A FRUSTRATING EVENING FOR
SANDY AND MARIE.

EVENT A FRUSTRATING EVENING FOR
SANDY AND MARIE.
AND, AS EXPECTED, THE BLACK MEN

SANDY AND MARIE.
AND, AS EXPECTED, THE BLACK MEN
RAN AWAY WITH THE SPEAR-CHUCKING

AND, AS EXPECTED, THE BLACK MEN
RAN AWAY WITH THE SPEAR-CHUCKING
COMPETITION.

RAN AWAY WITH THE SPEAR-CHUCKING
COMPETITION.
AND NOW, RONNIE GWYNN, TELL OUR

COMPETITION.
AND NOW, RONNIE GWYNN, TELL OUR
TEAMS ABOUT SOME OF THE PRIZES

AND NOW, RONNIE GWYNN, TELL OUR
TEAMS ABOUT SOME OF THE PRIZES
THEY'LL BE COMPETING FOR.

TEAMS ABOUT SOME OF THE PRIZES
THEY'LL BE COMPETING FOR.
Announcer: WELL, BRENT,

THEY'LL BE COMPETING FOR.
Announcer: WELL, BRENT,
COMPETITORS ARE ELIGIBLE TO WIN

Announcer: WELL, BRENT,
COMPETITORS ARE ELIGIBLE TO WIN
A BRAND-NEW, 1978, PURPLE,

COMPETITORS ARE ELIGIBLE TO WIN
A BRAND-NEW, 1978, PURPLE,
CUSTOM-MADE CADILLAC EL DORADO

A BRAND-NEW, 1978, PURPLE,
CUSTOM-MADE CADILLAC EL DORADO
CONVERTIBLE WITH CRUSHED-VELVET

CUSTOM-MADE CADILLAC EL DORADO
CONVERTIBLE WITH CRUSHED-VELVET
INTERIOR, 30-INCH COLOR TV, AND

CONVERTIBLE WITH CRUSHED-VELVET
INTERIOR, 30-INCH COLOR TV, AND
COACH LAMPS.

INTERIOR, 30-INCH COLOR TV, AND
COACH LAMPS.
AND NOW ABOUT STRUTTING YOUR

COACH LAMPS.
AND NOW ABOUT STRUTTING YOUR
STUFF IN THESE FINE VINES?

AND NOW ABOUT STRUTTING YOUR
STUFF IN THESE FINE VINES?
THIS LUXURIOUS, FLOOR-LENGTH

STUFF IN THESE FINE VINES?
THIS LUXURIOUS, FLOOR-LENGTH
SABLE COAT WITH JEWEL-ENCRUSTED

THIS LUXURIOUS, FLOOR-LENGTH
SABLE COAT WITH JEWEL-ENCRUSTED
LAVENDER SILK LINING AND A PAIR

SABLE COAT WITH JEWEL-ENCRUSTED
LAVENDER SILK LINING AND A PAIR
OF LIME-GREEN SUEDE, 5-INCH

LAVENDER SILK LINING AND A PAIR
OF LIME-GREEN SUEDE, 5-INCH
PLATFORM SHOES.

OF LIME-GREEN SUEDE, 5-INCH
PLATFORM SHOES.
EACH MEMBER OF THE WINNING TEAM

PLATFORM SHOES.
EACH MEMBER OF THE WINNING TEAM
WILL RECEIVE HIS OR HER OWN

EACH MEMBER OF THE WINNING TEAM
WILL RECEIVE HIS OR HER OWN
PERSONALIZED, HAND-CRAFTED SWORD

WILL RECEIVE HIS OR HER OWN
PERSONALIZED, HAND-CRAFTED SWORD
CANE WITH SOLID-SILVER WOLF-HEAD

PERSONALIZED, HAND-CRAFTED SWORD
CANE WITH SOLID-SILVER WOLF-HEAD
HANDLE.

CANE WITH SOLID-SILVER WOLF-HEAD
HANDLE.
AND NOW BACK TO PHYLLIS GEORGE

HANDLE.
AND NOW BACK TO PHYLLIS GEORGE
FOR THE TUG-OF-WAR COMPETITION.

AND NOW BACK TO PHYLLIS GEORGE
FOR THE TUG-OF-WAR COMPETITION.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]

JUDGES, DO WE HAVE A
DECISION?
[BELL DINGS]

YES, IT'S OFFICIAL... ANOTHER

VICTORY FOR THE BLACK MEN, WHICH

BRINGS THE SCORE TO 3,700 TO

NADA.

WELL, GIRLS, WERE YOU SURPRISED?
NO, WE KNEW WE WOULDN'T WIN.
WE TOLD YOU THAT.

NO, WE KNEW WE WOULDN'T WIN.
WE TOLD YOU THAT.
HI, DONNY.

WE TOLD YOU THAT.
HI, DONNY.
SANDY AND MARIE, IF YOU'LL

HI, DONNY.
SANDY AND MARIE, IF YOU'LL
JUST STAY HERE, WE'LL GET YOU

SANDY AND MARIE, IF YOU'LL
JUST STAY HERE, WE'LL GET YOU
HOSED DOWN.

JUST STAY HERE, WE'LL GET YOU
HOSED DOWN.
ISN'T IT WONDERFUL TO SEE THESE

HOSED DOWN.
ISN'T IT WONDERFUL TO SEE THESE
GIRLS HERE, COMPETING WITH MEN

ISN'T IT WONDERFUL TO SEE THESE
GIRLS HERE, COMPETING WITH MEN
ON AN EQUAL BASIS?

GIRLS HERE, COMPETING WITH MEN
ON AN EQUAL BASIS?
AND NOW BACK TO YOU, BRENT.

ON AN EQUAL BASIS?
AND NOW BACK TO YOU, BRENT.
THANK YOU, PHYLLIS.

AND NOW BACK TO YOU, BRENT.
THANK YOU, PHYLLIS.
THANK YOU, TEAMS.

THANK YOU, PHYLLIS.
THANK YOU, TEAMS.
THAT ABOUT WRAPS IT UP.

THANK YOU, TEAMS.
THAT ABOUT WRAPS IT UP.
JOIN US AGAIN TOMORROW, WHEN OUR

THAT ABOUT WRAPS IT UP.
JOIN US AGAIN TOMORROW, WHEN OUR
COVERAGE OF "CELEBRITY BATTLE OF

JOIN US AGAIN TOMORROW, WHEN OUR
COVERAGE OF "CELEBRITY BATTLE OF
THE SEXES & RACES" WILL GO UP TO

COVERAGE OF "CELEBRITY BATTLE OF
THE SEXES & RACES" WILL GO UP TO
HARLEM FOR THE

THE SEXES & RACES" WILL GO UP TO
HARLEM FOR THE
MOBILE HOME-PULLING CONTEST.

HARLEM FOR THE
MOBILE HOME-PULLING CONTEST.
SEE YOU THEN, EVERYBODY.

WELL, THAT'S ALL FOR TONIGHT.
THANKS FOR JOINING US.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Announcer: NEXT SATURDAY

NIGHT, WATCH NBC's "WEEKEND"

WITH LLOYD DOBBINS.

WE'LL BE BACK TWO WEEKS FROM

TONIGHT, WHEN OUR HOST WILL BE

ART GARFUNKEL, WITH MUSICAL

GUEST STEPHEN BISHOP AND

ANDY KAUFMAN.

THIS IS O.J. PARDO.

THE "O.J." IS FOR "ONLY JOKING."

GOOD NIGHT.