Saturday Night Live (1975–…): Season 2, Episode 9 - Jodie Foster/Brian Wilson - full transcript

HI, EVERYBODY.
I'M GILDA RADNER.
AS IT TURNS OUT, THIS WEEK I

I'M GILDA RADNER.
AS IT TURNS OUT, THIS WEEK I
HAVE VERY, VERY LITTLE TO DO IN

AS IT TURNS OUT, THIS WEEK I
HAVE VERY, VERY LITTLE TO DO IN
THE SHOW.

HAVE VERY, VERY LITTLE TO DO IN
THE SHOW.
I MEAN, UH, IT ISN'T ANYBODY'S

THE SHOW.
I MEAN, UH, IT ISN'T ANYBODY'S
FAULT, IT JUST TURNED OUT THAT

I MEAN, UH, IT ISN'T ANYBODY'S
FAULT, IT JUST TURNED OUT THAT
WAY.

FAULT, IT JUST TURNED OUT THAT
WAY.
SO, UH, THEY SAID I COULD COME

WAY.
SO, UH, THEY SAID I COULD COME
OUT HERE AND SAY "LIVE, FROM

SO, UH, THEY SAID I COULD COME
OUT HERE AND SAY "LIVE, FROM
NEW YORK, IT'S 'SATURDAY

OUT HERE AND SAY "LIVE, FROM
NEW YORK, IT'S 'SATURDAY
NIGHT.'"

NEW YORK, IT'S 'SATURDAY
NIGHT.'"
[BAND PLAYS]



NIGHT.'"
[BAND PLAYS]
HOLD IT! WAIT A MINUTE!

[BAND PLAYS]
HOLD IT! WAIT A MINUTE!
WILL YOU WAIT A MINUTE?

HOLD IT! WAIT A MINUTE!
WILL YOU WAIT A MINUTE?
HOLD IT!

WILL YOU WAIT A MINUTE?
HOLD IT!
HOLD IT! WAIT A MINUTE!

HOLD IT!
HOLD IT! WAIT A MINUTE!
[MUSIC STOPS]

HOLD IT! WAIT A MINUTE!
[MUSIC STOPS]
JUST HOLD IT A MINUTE.

[MUSIC STOPS]
JUST HOLD IT A MINUTE.
OKAY.

NOW, I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN

THIS SCENE, OKAY, WHERE I WAS

JOEY HETHERTON IN THE LOCKER

ROOM OF THE MINNESOTA VIKINGS.

BUT IT GOT CUT.

NOW, IT WENT OVER GREAT IN

DRESS REHEARSAL, YOU KNOW, AND



I THOUGHT IT WAS PRETTY FUNNY,

BUT IT GOT CUT.

ALL RIGHT? IT JUST GOT CUT.

YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES IT FEELS

JUST LIKE THE WHOLE WORLD IS

GANGING UP ON ME.

I MEAN, THE OTHER GIRLS GOT

FEATURED A LOT IN THE SHOW.

I MEAN, JANE DOES "UPDATE."

I MEAN, SHE DOES IT REALLY

WELL.

ANYBODY CAN READ.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, I MAJORED
IN ORAL INTERPRETATION IN

AS A MATTER OF FACT, I MAJORED
IN ORAL INTERPRETATION IN
COLLEGE.

IN ORAL INTERPRETATION IN
COLLEGE.
ANYWAY, I JUST WANTED TO SAY, IF

COLLEGE.
ANYWAY, I JUST WANTED TO SAY, IF
YOU WATCH "SATURDAY NIGHT"

ANYWAY, I JUST WANTED TO SAY, IF
YOU WATCH "SATURDAY NIGHT"
PARTICULARLY TO SEE ME, I WON'T

YOU WATCH "SATURDAY NIGHT"
PARTICULARLY TO SEE ME, I WON'T
BE ON THAT MUCH.

PARTICULARLY TO SEE ME, I WON'T
BE ON THAT MUCH.
I MEAN, YOU MIGHT AS WELL FORGET

BE ON THAT MUCH.
I MEAN, YOU MIGHT AS WELL FORGET
IT.

I MEAN, YOU MIGHT AS WELL FORGET
IT.
I'LL BE IN THE BACKGROUND A

IT.
I'LL BE IN THE BACKGROUND A
COUPLE OF TIMES, YOU KNOW,

I'LL BE IN THE BACKGROUND A
COUPLE OF TIMES, YOU KNOW,
AND, UM... BUT IF YOU'RE A BIG

COUPLE OF TIMES, YOU KNOW,
AND, UM... BUT IF YOU'RE A BIG
FAN OF MINE, I WOULD JUST TURN

AND, UM... BUT IF YOU'RE A BIG
FAN OF MINE, I WOULD JUST TURN
IT OFF.

FAN OF MINE, I WOULD JUST TURN
IT OFF.
AND, MOM, YOU CAN GO TO SLEEP,

IT OFF.
AND, MOM, YOU CAN GO TO SLEEP,
OKAY?

AND, MOM, YOU CAN GO TO SLEEP,
OKAY?
UH, BIG DEAL.

OKAY?
UH, BIG DEAL.
REALLY, BIG DEAL.

UH, BIG DEAL.
REALLY, BIG DEAL.
PEANUTS!

REALLY, BIG DEAL.
PEANUTS!
I MEAN, THEY SAY THAT I CAN

PEANUTS!
I MEAN, THEY SAY THAT I CAN
OPEN THE SHOW.

I MEAN, THEY SAY THAT I CAN
OPEN THE SHOW.
OKAY.

OPEN THE SHOW.
OKAY.
LIVE, FROM NEW YORK,

OKAY.
LIVE, FROM NEW YORK,
IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT!"

LIVE, FROM NEW YORK,
IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT!"
[BAND PLAYS]

Announcer: NBC "SATURDAY
NIGHT"...
STARRING JODIE FOSTER...

WITH HER SPECIAL GUEST,
BRIAN WILSON...

AND THE NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME
PLAYERS.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
JODIE FOSTER.

THANK YOU!
I'M NOT MISS TEENAGE AMERICA.
YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW, IT'S

I'M NOT MISS TEENAGE AMERICA.
YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW, IT'S
REALLY A SPECIAL HONOR FOR ME TO

YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW, IT'S
REALLY A SPECIAL HONOR FOR ME TO
BE HERE TONIGHT, 'CAUSE I'M THE

REALLY A SPECIAL HONOR FOR ME TO
BE HERE TONIGHT, 'CAUSE I'M THE
YOUNGEST HOST "SATURDAY NIGHT"

BE HERE TONIGHT, 'CAUSE I'M THE
YOUNGEST HOST "SATURDAY NIGHT"
HAS EVER HAD, BUT NOBODY HERE

YOUNGEST HOST "SATURDAY NIGHT"
HAS EVER HAD, BUT NOBODY HERE
HAS...

HAS EVER HAD, BUT NOBODY HERE
HAS...
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

HAS...
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WHAT I MEAN TO SAY IS,

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WHAT I MEAN TO SAY IS,
LIKE, NOBODY HERE HAS TREATED

WHAT I MEAN TO SAY IS,
LIKE, NOBODY HERE HAS TREATED
ME LIKE A KID OR ANYTHING.

LIKE, NOBODY HERE HAS TREATED
ME LIKE A KID OR ANYTHING.
THEY'VE ALL ASSURED ME THAT,

ME LIKE A KID OR ANYTHING.
THEY'VE ALL ASSURED ME THAT,
EVEN THOUGH I'M ONLY 14, I'M

THEY'VE ALL ASSURED ME THAT,
EVEN THOUGH I'M ONLY 14, I'M
STILL EXACTLY THE SAME AS EVERY

EVEN THOUGH I'M ONLY 14, I'M
STILL EXACTLY THE SAME AS EVERY
OTHER HOST.

STILL EXACTLY THE SAME AS EVERY
OTHER HOST.
LIKE I WAS TOLD, FOR EXAMPLE,

OTHER HOST.
LIKE I WAS TOLD, FOR EXAMPLE,
THAT RAQUEL WELCH ALSO DRANK HER

LIKE I WAS TOLD, FOR EXAMPLE,
THAT RAQUEL WELCH ALSO DRANK HER
MILK OUT OF A FLINTSTONES GLASS.

THAT RAQUEL WELCH ALSO DRANK HER
MILK OUT OF A FLINTSTONES GLASS.
AND EVERYONE SAID THAT

MILK OUT OF A FLINTSTONES GLASS.
AND EVERYONE SAID THAT
DESI ARNAZ, HE GOT PAID THE SAME

AND EVERYONE SAID THAT
DESI ARNAZ, HE GOT PAID THE SAME
WAY I'M BEING PAID... NOT IN ONE

DESI ARNAZ, HE GOT PAID THE SAME
WAY I'M BEING PAID... NOT IN ONE
LUMP SUM, BUT IN A WEEKLY

WAY I'M BEING PAID... NOT IN ONE
LUMP SUM, BUT IN A WEEKLY
ALLOWANCE OF $5, WHICH HE GOT

LUMP SUM, BUT IN A WEEKLY
ALLOWANCE OF $5, WHICH HE GOT
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING, UNLESS

ALLOWANCE OF $5, WHICH HE GOT
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING, UNLESS
HE FORGOT TO MAKE HIS BED.

EVERY SATURDAY MORNING, UNLESS
HE FORGOT TO MAKE HIS BED.
YEAH, AND THERE WAS ONE MORE

HE FORGOT TO MAKE HIS BED.
YEAH, AND THERE WAS ONE MORE
THING I WAS TOLD REPEATEDLY BY

YEAH, AND THERE WAS ONE MORE
THING I WAS TOLD REPEATEDLY BY
EVERYONE HERE... THAT

THING I WAS TOLD REPEATEDLY BY
EVERYONE HERE... THAT
ELLIOT GOULD'S CUE CARDS WERE

EVERYONE HERE... THAT
ELLIOT GOULD'S CUE CARDS WERE
EXACTLY LIKE MINE.

SO, ANYWAY, I FEEL REALLY
COMFORTABLE IN THE ROLE OF
"SATURDAY NIGHT" HOST, EXCEPT

COMFORTABLE IN THE ROLE OF
"SATURDAY NIGHT" HOST, EXCEPT
FOR ONE THING.

"SATURDAY NIGHT" HOST, EXCEPT
FOR ONE THING.
WELL, THE SHOW HAS STARTED LATE

FOR ONE THING.
WELL, THE SHOW HAS STARTED LATE
TONIGHT, BUT, JUST LIKE ALL THE

WELL, THE SHOW HAS STARTED LATE
TONIGHT, BUT, JUST LIKE ALL THE
OTHER HOSTS WHOSE SHOWS STARTED

TONIGHT, BUT, JUST LIKE ALL THE
OTHER HOSTS WHOSE SHOWS STARTED
LATE, I BROUGHT A NOTE FROM HOME

OTHER HOSTS WHOSE SHOWS STARTED
LATE, I BROUGHT A NOTE FROM HOME
TO EXPLAIN.

LATE, I BROUGHT A NOTE FROM HOME
TO EXPLAIN.
I'VE GOT IT RIGHT HERE.

TO EXPLAIN.
I'VE GOT IT RIGHT HERE.
IT'S SNOOPY, SEE?

I'VE GOT IT RIGHT HERE.
IT'S SNOOPY, SEE?
"DEAR 'SATURDAY NIGHT' AUDIENCE,

IT'S SNOOPY, SEE?
"DEAR 'SATURDAY NIGHT' AUDIENCE,
PLEASE EXCUSE JODIE'S TARDINESS

"DEAR 'SATURDAY NIGHT' AUDIENCE,
PLEASE EXCUSE JODIE'S TARDINESS
TONIGHT, AS THE DOCTOR SAID SHE

PLEASE EXCUSE JODIE'S TARDINESS
TONIGHT, AS THE DOCTOR SAID SHE
HAD TO WATCH 'MISS TEENAGE

TONIGHT, AS THE DOCTOR SAID SHE
HAD TO WATCH 'MISS TEENAGE
AMERICA' ALL THE WAY TO THE END

HAD TO WATCH 'MISS TEENAGE
AMERICA' ALL THE WAY TO THE END
OR SHE WOULD DIE.

AMERICA' ALL THE WAY TO THE END
OR SHE WOULD DIE.
SIGNED, JODIE'S MOTHER."

OR SHE WOULD DIE.
SIGNED, JODIE'S MOTHER."
WELL, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

NO TIME RIGHT NOW.
[LAUGHS]
HI, I'M CHEVY CHASE, AND IF

[LAUGHS]
HI, I'M CHEVY CHASE, AND IF
YOU'RE SKIPPING MEALS BECAUSE

HI, I'M CHEVY CHASE, AND IF
YOU'RE SKIPPING MEALS BECAUSE
YOU JUST CAN'T FIND THE TIME TO

YOU'RE SKIPPING MEALS BECAUSE
YOU JUST CAN'T FIND THE TIME TO
EAT THEM, WHY NOT TRY A PILSON'S

YOU JUST CAN'T FIND THE TIME TO
EAT THEM, WHY NOT TRY A PILSON'S
FEED BAG DINNER?

EAT THEM, WHY NOT TRY A PILSON'S
FEED BAG DINNER?
YOU KNOW, EACH PILSON'S FEED BAG

FEED BAG DINNER?
YOU KNOW, EACH PILSON'S FEED BAG
DINNER HAS THREE SCRUMPTIOUS

YOU KNOW, EACH PILSON'S FEED BAG
DINNER HAS THREE SCRUMPTIOUS
COURSES... SOUP, YOUR CHOICE OF

DINNER HAS THREE SCRUMPTIOUS
COURSES... SOUP, YOUR CHOICE OF
SIX EXCITING ENTREES, PLUS A

COURSES... SOUP, YOUR CHOICE OF
SIX EXCITING ENTREES, PLUS A
YUMMY APPLE BROWN BETTY.

SIX EXCITING ENTREES, PLUS A
YUMMY APPLE BROWN BETTY.
AND IT STRAPS RIGHT ON TO YOUR

YUMMY APPLE BROWN BETTY.
AND IT STRAPS RIGHT ON TO YOUR
FACE.

AND IT STRAPS RIGHT ON TO YOUR
FACE.
I'M 15 LATE FOR AN IMPORTANT

FACE.
I'M 15 LATE FOR AN IMPORTANT
DATE RIGHT NOW, AND I JUST

I'M 15 LATE FOR AN IMPORTANT
DATE RIGHT NOW, AND I JUST
HAVEN'T GOT TIME TO EAT.

DATE RIGHT NOW, AND I JUST
HAVEN'T GOT TIME TO EAT.
MMM, MMM.

HAVEN'T GOT TIME TO EAT.
MMM, MMM.
TUNA.

MMM, MMM.
TUNA.
TASTES GREAT ALREADY.

TUNA.
TASTES GREAT ALREADY.
♪ EAT LUNCH AND RUN,

TASTES GREAT ALREADY.
♪ EAT LUNCH AND RUN,
EVERYONE ♪

♪ EAT LUNCH AND RUN,
EVERYONE ♪
♪ FEED YOUR FACE ANYPLACE ♪

EVERYONE ♪
♪ FEED YOUR FACE ANYPLACE ♪
♪ TIE ONE ON ANYPLACE ♪

♪ FEED YOUR FACE ANYPLACE ♪
♪ TIE ONE ON ANYPLACE ♪
♪ WITH PILSON'S FEED BAG

♪ TIE ONE ON ANYPLACE ♪
♪ WITH PILSON'S FEED BAG
DINNERS, YOU'VE GOT TIME TO FEED

♪ WITH PILSON'S FEED BAG
DINNERS, YOU'VE GOT TIME TO FEED
YOUR FACE ♪

DINNERS, YOU'VE GOT TIME TO FEED
YOUR FACE ♪
HI, HONEY.

YOUR FACE ♪
HI, HONEY.
SO, WHERE ARE WE GOING TO EAT?

HI, HONEY.
SO, WHERE ARE WE GOING TO EAT?
[LAUGHS]

♪ FEED BAGS, FROM PILSON'S ♪

OH, RIGHT.
YEAH, I MEAN, PINK FLOYD... THIS
REALLY GREAT GROUP FROM THE

YEAH, I MEAN, PINK FLOYD... THIS
REALLY GREAT GROUP FROM THE
'60s... THEY'RE REALLY HOT.

REALLY GREAT GROUP FROM THE
'60s... THEY'RE REALLY HOT.
NO, LISTEN, AEROSMITH IS LOUD,

'60s... THEY'RE REALLY HOT.
NO, LISTEN, AEROSMITH IS LOUD,
BUT YOU CAN'T HOLD LOUDNESS

NO, LISTEN, AEROSMITH IS LOUD,
BUT YOU CAN'T HOLD LOUDNESS
AGAINST THEM.

BUT YOU CAN'T HOLD LOUDNESS
AGAINST THEM.
RIGHT.

AGAINST THEM.
RIGHT.
OKAY.

RIGHT.
OKAY.
I'LL TALK TO YOU TOMORROW, OKAY?

[BELLS TINKLE]
WENDY!
HEY, YOU KNOW, I KNEW I WAS

WENDY!
HEY, YOU KNOW, I KNEW I WAS
WRECKED, BUT NOT THIS WRECKED!

HEY, YOU KNOW, I KNEW I WAS
WRECKED, BUT NOT THIS WRECKED!
WENDY, I'M PETER, AND

WRECKED, BUT NOT THIS WRECKED!
WENDY, I'M PETER, AND
THIS IS TINKER BEE.

WENDY, I'M PETER, AND
THIS IS TINKER BEE.
AND WE'VE COME TO TAKE YOU OFF

THIS IS TINKER BEE.
AND WE'VE COME TO TAKE YOU OFF
TO THE LAND OF THE LOST BEES.

AND WE'VE COME TO TAKE YOU OFF
TO THE LAND OF THE LOST BEES.
HEY, MAN, I'VE BEEN WRECKED

TO THE LAND OF THE LOST BEES.
HEY, MAN, I'VE BEEN WRECKED
BEFORE, BUT I'VE HANDLED IT,

HEY, MAN, I'VE BEEN WRECKED
BEFORE, BUT I'VE HANDLED IT,
YOU KNOW?

BEFORE, BUT I'VE HANDLED IT,
YOU KNOW?
WHERE YOU NEVER GROW UP.

YOU KNOW?
WHERE YOU NEVER GROW UP.
YEAH, I MEAN I'VE BEEN

WHERE YOU NEVER GROW UP.
YEAH, I MEAN I'VE BEEN
THROUGH A LOT OF HEAVY STUFF,

YEAH, I MEAN I'VE BEEN
THROUGH A LOT OF HEAVY STUFF,
BUT I'VE HANDLED IT.

THROUGH A LOT OF HEAVY STUFF,
BUT I'VE HANDLED IT.
HEY, AND YOU COULD LEARN TO

BUT I'VE HANDLED IT.
HEY, AND YOU COULD LEARN TO
FLY, TOO.

HEY, AND YOU COULD LEARN TO
FLY, TOO.
OH, LISTEN, SOMETHING LIKE

FLY, TOO.
OH, LISTEN, SOMETHING LIKE
THIS HAPPENED TO ME AT A DEAD

OH, LISTEN, SOMETHING LIKE
THIS HAPPENED TO ME AT A DEAD
CONCERT ONCE, BUT IT LASTED TWO

THIS HAPPENED TO ME AT A DEAD
CONCERT ONCE, BUT IT LASTED TWO
HOURS, AN HOUR AND A HALF, TOPS.

CONCERT ONCE, BUT IT LASTED TWO
HOURS, AN HOUR AND A HALF, TOPS.
WENDY, I SENSE YOU DON'T

HOURS, AN HOUR AND A HALF, TOPS.
WENDY, I SENSE YOU DON'T
BELIEVE ME.

WENDY, I SENSE YOU DON'T
BELIEVE ME.
IT'S JUST... I MEAN, TWO

BELIEVE ME.
IT'S JUST... I MEAN, TWO
PEOPLE COME INTO YOUR ROOM LATE

IT'S JUST... I MEAN, TWO
PEOPLE COME INTO YOUR ROOM LATE
AT NIGHT, TELL YOU THEY'RE BEES,

PEOPLE COME INTO YOUR ROOM LATE
AT NIGHT, TELL YOU THEY'RE BEES,
YOU KNOW, THEY'RE GONNA TAKE YOU

AT NIGHT, TELL YOU THEY'RE BEES,
YOU KNOW, THEY'RE GONNA TAKE YOU
AWAY TO A LAND WHERE YOU NEVER

YOU KNOW, THEY'RE GONNA TAKE YOU
AWAY TO A LAND WHERE YOU NEVER
GROW UP, YOU CAN FLY... IT'S A

AWAY TO A LAND WHERE YOU NEVER
GROW UP, YOU CAN FLY... IT'S A
LITTLE WEIRD, THAT'S ALL.

GROW UP, YOU CAN FLY... IT'S A
LITTLE WEIRD, THAT'S ALL.
IT'S JUST A LITTLE WEIRD.

LITTLE WEIRD, THAT'S ALL.
IT'S JUST A LITTLE WEIRD.
YOU CALLED US "PEOPLE."

IT'S JUST A LITTLE WEIRD.
YOU CALLED US "PEOPLE."
WENDY, WE'RE NOT PEOPLE, WE'RE

YOU CALLED US "PEOPLE."
WENDY, WE'RE NOT PEOPLE, WE'RE
BEES!

WENDY, WE'RE NOT PEOPLE, WE'RE
BEES!
YEAH, RIGHT.

BEES!
YEAH, RIGHT.
YOU'RE BEES, AND I'M

YEAH, RIGHT.
YOU'RE BEES, AND I'M
BIANCA JAGGER, AND I CARRY A

YOU'RE BEES, AND I'M
BIANCA JAGGER, AND I CARRY A
CANE FOR NO KNOWN REASON.

BIANCA JAGGER, AND I CARRY A
CANE FOR NO KNOWN REASON.
DON'T YOU BELIEVE IN BEES?

CANE FOR NO KNOWN REASON.
DON'T YOU BELIEVE IN BEES?
I'D BELIEVE IN PEANUT BUTTER

DON'T YOU BELIEVE IN BEES?
I'D BELIEVE IN PEANUT BUTTER
BEFORE I'D BELIEVE IN BEES.

I'D BELIEVE IN PEANUT BUTTER
BEFORE I'D BELIEVE IN BEES.
OH, NO, DON'T SAY THAT.

BEFORE I'D BELIEVE IN BEES.
OH, NO, DON'T SAY THAT.
YOU'RE KILLING TINK!

OH, NO, DON'T SAY THAT.
YOU'RE KILLING TINK!
I'M WHAT?

YOU'RE KILLING TINK!
I'M WHAT?
TINKER BEE!

I'M WHAT?
TINKER BEE!
IT KILLS HIM IF PEOPLE DON'T

TINKER BEE!
IT KILLS HIM IF PEOPLE DON'T
BELIEVE IN HIM!

IT KILLS HIM IF PEOPLE DON'T
BELIEVE IN HIM!
HEY, I NEED THIS LIKE A

BELIEVE IN HIM!
HEY, I NEED THIS LIKE A
MOOSE NEEDS A HAT RACK, MAN.

HEY, I NEED THIS LIKE A
MOOSE NEEDS A HAT RACK, MAN.
OH, TINK.

MOOSE NEEDS A HAT RACK, MAN.
OH, TINK.
POOR TINK IS GOING FAST.

OH, TINK.
POOR TINK IS GOING FAST.
HEY, I DON'T GO INTO YOUR

POOR TINK IS GOING FAST.
HEY, I DON'T GO INTO YOUR
ROOM AND DO NUMBERS ON YOU, DO

HEY, I DON'T GO INTO YOUR
ROOM AND DO NUMBERS ON YOU, DO
I?

ROOM AND DO NUMBERS ON YOU, DO
I?
TINK! YOU OKAY?

I?
TINK! YOU OKAY?
I MEAN, THIS IS REALLY GREAT

TINK! YOU OKAY?
I MEAN, THIS IS REALLY GREAT
FOR PARTIES AND STUFF, BUT LET'S

I MEAN, THIS IS REALLY GREAT
FOR PARTIES AND STUFF, BUT LET'S
FACE IT, YOU'RE NOT BEES.

FOR PARTIES AND STUFF, BUT LET'S
FACE IT, YOU'RE NOT BEES.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE'RE

FACE IT, YOU'RE NOT BEES.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE'RE
NOT BEES?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE'RE
NOT BEES?
YOU'RE NOT BEES.

NOT BEES?
YOU'RE NOT BEES.
I MEAN, WELL, LOOK.

YOU'RE NOT BEES.
I MEAN, WELL, LOOK.
CAN YOU FLY?

I MEAN, WELL, LOOK.
CAN YOU FLY?
NO.

CAN YOU FLY?
NO.
[GURGLING]

NO.
[GURGLING]
CAN YOU POLLINATE?

[GURGLING]
CAN YOU POLLINATE?
WELL, I'VE NEVER ACTUALLY

CAN YOU POLLINATE?
WELL, I'VE NEVER ACTUALLY
TRIED.

WELL, I'VE NEVER ACTUALLY
TRIED.
[GRUNTING]

TRIED.
[GRUNTING]
DO YOU LIVE IN HIVES?

[GRUNTING]
DO YOU LIVE IN HIVES?
ACTUALLY, I HAVE A PLACE OVER

DO YOU LIVE IN HIVES?
ACTUALLY, I HAVE A PLACE OVER
ON EAST 57th.

ACTUALLY, I HAVE A PLACE OVER
ON EAST 57th.
[CHOKING]

ON EAST 57th.
[CHOKING]
WELL, THEN, YOU'RE NOT BEES.

[CHOKING]
WELL, THEN, YOU'RE NOT BEES.
OH, LET'S FACE IT.

WELL, THEN, YOU'RE NOT BEES.
OH, LET'S FACE IT.
YOU'RE NOT BEES, YOU'RE ACTORS.

OH, LET'S FACE IT.
YOU'RE NOT BEES, YOU'RE ACTORS.
OH, NO!

YOU'RE NOT BEES, YOU'RE ACTORS.
OH, NO!
YEAH, MAN, ACTORS.

OH, NO!
YEAH, MAN, ACTORS.
TELEVISION ACTORS.

YEAH, MAN, ACTORS.
TELEVISION ACTORS.
I'VE SEEN YOU.

TELEVISION ACTORS.
I'VE SEEN YOU.
YOU'RE OKAY WHEN YOU GET A GOOD

I'VE SEEN YOU.
YOU'RE OKAY WHEN YOU GET A GOOD
CONCEPT.

YOU'RE OKAY WHEN YOU GET A GOOD
CONCEPT.
[GROANING]

CONCEPT.
[GROANING]
LOOK, YOU'RE KILLING HIM.

[GROANING]
LOOK, YOU'RE KILLING HIM.
OH, GOD, HE'S PRACTICALLY DEAD

LOOK, YOU'RE KILLING HIM.
OH, GOD, HE'S PRACTICALLY DEAD
ALREADY.

OH, GOD, HE'S PRACTICALLY DEAD
ALREADY.
HEY, YOU KNOW, I'M REALLY

ALREADY.
HEY, YOU KNOW, I'M REALLY
SORRY, BUT LISTEN, THIS IS THE

HEY, YOU KNOW, I'M REALLY
SORRY, BUT LISTEN, THIS IS THE
'70s... YOU KNOW, '70s?

SORRY, BUT LISTEN, THIS IS THE
'70s... YOU KNOW, '70s?
FRYE BOOTS, YOGURT... FROZEN

'70s... YOU KNOW, '70s?
FRYE BOOTS, YOGURT... FROZEN
YOGURT... "GOODBYE YELLOW BRICK

FRYE BOOTS, YOGURT... FROZEN
YOGURT... "GOODBYE YELLOW BRICK
ROAD."

YOGURT... "GOODBYE YELLOW BRICK
ROAD."
I MEAN, KIDS ARE DIFFERENT NOW.

ROAD."
I MEAN, KIDS ARE DIFFERENT NOW.
WE DON'T BELIEVE IN BEES.

I MEAN, KIDS ARE DIFFERENT NOW.
WE DON'T BELIEVE IN BEES.
YEAH, WELL, LET ME TELL YOU

WE DON'T BELIEVE IN BEES.
YEAH, WELL, LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING... BEES ARE NOT JUST

YEAH, WELL, LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING... BEES ARE NOT JUST
LITTLE BALLS OF YELLOW AND WHITE

SOMETHING... BEES ARE NOT JUST
LITTLE BALLS OF YELLOW AND WHITE
FLUFF YOU CAN GO AROUND

LITTLE BALLS OF YELLOW AND WHITE
FLUFF YOU CAN GO AROUND
BELIEVING IN OR NOT BELIEVING

FLUFF YOU CAN GO AROUND
BELIEVING IN OR NOT BELIEVING
IN.

BELIEVING IN OR NOT BELIEVING
IN.
BEES ARE A STATE OF MIND.

IN.
BEES ARE A STATE OF MIND.
I MEAN, THEY'RE YOUTH AND

BEES ARE A STATE OF MIND.
I MEAN, THEY'RE YOUTH AND
THEY'RE HOPE AND THEY'RE

I MEAN, THEY'RE YOUTH AND
THEY'RE HOPE AND THEY'RE
LIGHTHEARTEDNESS, AND BEES ARE

THEY'RE HOPE AND THEY'RE
LIGHTHEARTEDNESS, AND BEES ARE
LIKE A BREATH OF FRESH AIR,

LIGHTHEARTEDNESS, AND BEES ARE
LIKE A BREATH OF FRESH AIR,
LIKE... LIKE A SONG, OR A DREAM.

LIKE A BREATH OF FRESH AIR,
LIKE... LIKE A SONG, OR A DREAM.
BEES ARE LIKE MUPPETS WITH

LIKE... LIKE A SONG, OR A DREAM.
BEES ARE LIKE MUPPETS WITH
LONGER CONTRACTS, UNDERSTAND?

BEES ARE LIKE MUPPETS WITH
LONGER CONTRACTS, UNDERSTAND?
YEAH, SORT OF.

LONGER CONTRACTS, UNDERSTAND?
YEAH, SORT OF.
BUT IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN

YEAH, SORT OF.
BUT IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN
BEES, YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN

BUT IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN
BEES, YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN
YESTERDAY OR TOMORROW, OKAY?

BEES, YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN
YESTERDAY OR TOMORROW, OKAY?
OKAY.

YESTERDAY OR TOMORROW, OKAY?
OKAY.
SO, PLEASE, PLEASE BELIEVE IN

OKAY.
SO, PLEASE, PLEASE BELIEVE IN
BEES, OR TINK HERE WILL...

SO, PLEASE, PLEASE BELIEVE IN
BEES, OR TINK HERE WILL...
LISTEN, EVERYBODY.

BEES, OR TINK HERE WILL...
LISTEN, EVERYBODY.
TINK HERE IS DYING AND THERE'S

LISTEN, EVERYBODY.
TINK HERE IS DYING AND THERE'S
ONLY ONE WAY TO SAVE HIM.

TINK HERE IS DYING AND THERE'S
ONLY ONE WAY TO SAVE HIM.
IF YOU BELIEVE IN BEES, GET

ONLY ONE WAY TO SAVE HIM.
IF YOU BELIEVE IN BEES, GET
UP AND CLAP YOUR HANDS.

IF YOU BELIEVE IN BEES, GET
UP AND CLAP YOUR HANDS.
THAT'S RIGHT.

UP AND CLAP YOUR HANDS.
THAT'S RIGHT.
[APPLAUSE]

THAT'S RIGHT.
[APPLAUSE]
THE ONLY WAY TO KEEP HIM ALIVE

[APPLAUSE]
THE ONLY WAY TO KEEP HIM ALIVE
IS TO CLAP YOUR HANDS.

THE ONLY WAY TO KEEP HIM ALIVE
IS TO CLAP YOUR HANDS.
JOHN, YOU CAN GET UP NOW.

IS TO CLAP YOUR HANDS.
JOHN, YOU CAN GET UP NOW.
THEY'RE CLAPPING.

JOHN, YOU CAN GET UP NOW.
THEY'RE CLAPPING.
JOHN, YOU CAN GET UP NOW.

THEY'RE CLAPPING.
JOHN, YOU CAN GET UP NOW.
THEY'RE CLAPPING.

JOHN, YOU CAN GET UP NOW.
THEY'RE CLAPPING.
HEY, WHAT'S WRONG?

THEY'RE CLAPPING.
HEY, WHAT'S WRONG?
THAT'S HIS CUE.

HEY, WHAT'S WRONG?
THAT'S HIS CUE.
I DON'T KNOW. THEY CLAPPED.

THAT'S HIS CUE.
I DON'T KNOW. THEY CLAPPED.
HE CAN'T GET UP.

I DON'T KNOW. THEY CLAPPED.
HE CAN'T GET UP.
COME ON!

HE CAN'T GET UP.
COME ON!
HE WANTS A STANDING

COME ON!
HE WANTS A STANDING
OVATION.

HE WANTS A STANDING
OVATION.
GREAT.

OVATION.
GREAT.
ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY, IF YOU

GREAT.
ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY, IF YOU
BELIEVE IN BEES, STAND UP AND

ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY, IF YOU
BELIEVE IN BEES, STAND UP AND
CLAP YOUR HANDS.

COME ON!
COME ON!
COME ON! COME ON!

COME ON!
COME ON! COME ON!
COME ON.

COME ON! COME ON!
COME ON.
THE KIDS TODAY, THEY DON'T

COME ON.
THE KIDS TODAY, THEY DON'T
BELIEVE IN ANYTHING, DO THEY?

THE KIDS TODAY, THEY DON'T
BELIEVE IN ANYTHING, DO THEY?
IT'S NOT LIKE WHEN WE WERE

BELIEVE IN ANYTHING, DO THEY?
IT'S NOT LIKE WHEN WE WERE
GROWING UP, RIPP.

IT'S NOT LIKE WHEN WE WERE
GROWING UP, RIPP.
I TELL YOU WHAT, ROLL THE

GROWING UP, RIPP.
I TELL YOU WHAT, ROLL THE
COMMERCIAL AND WE'LL GO TO IT,

I TELL YOU WHAT, ROLL THE
COMMERCIAL AND WE'LL GO TO IT,
OKAY?

A YEAR BEFORE I WAS BORN IN
CALIFORNIA, A NEW MUSICAL GROUP
WAS JUST STARTING.

CALIFORNIA, A NEW MUSICAL GROUP
WAS JUST STARTING.
THEY WERE CALLED "THE BEACH

WAS JUST STARTING.
THEY WERE CALLED "THE BEACH
BOYS."

THEY WERE CALLED "THE BEACH
BOYS."
NOW HERE'S THE MAN WHO STARTED

BOYS."
NOW HERE'S THE MAN WHO STARTED
IT ALL... MR. BRIAN WILSON.

NOW HERE'S THE MAN WHO STARTED
IT ALL... MR. BRIAN WILSON.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

IT ALL... MR. BRIAN WILSON.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
[APPLAUSE CONTINUES]

THANK YOU.
[APPLAUSE CONTINUES]
THANK YOU.

[APPLAUSE CONTINUES]
THANK YOU.
[APPLAUSE CONTINUES]

THANK YOU.
[APPLAUSE CONTINUES]
THANK YOU.

[APPLAUSE CONTINUES]
THANK YOU.
[CLEARS THROAT]

THANK YOU.
[CLEARS THROAT]
THIS IS A SONG THAT COMES OFF

[CLEARS THROAT]
THIS IS A SONG THAT COMES OFF
OUR CURRENT ALBUM, AND THE ALBUM

THIS IS A SONG THAT COMES OFF
OUR CURRENT ALBUM, AND THE ALBUM
IS CALLED "15 BIG ONES," AND

OUR CURRENT ALBUM, AND THE ALBUM
IS CALLED "15 BIG ONES," AND
IT'S CALLED "BACK HOME."

IS CALLED "15 BIG ONES," AND
IT'S CALLED "BACK HOME."
[INTRO PLAYS]

IT'S CALLED "BACK HOME."
[INTRO PLAYS]
♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪

[INTRO PLAYS]
♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪

♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ WELL, I'M GOING BACK THIS

♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ WELL, I'M GOING BACK THIS
SUMMER TO OHIO ♪

♪ WELL, I'M GOING BACK THIS
SUMMER TO OHIO ♪
♪ I'M GONNA SEEK OUT ALL MY

SUMMER TO OHIO ♪
♪ I'M GONNA SEEK OUT ALL MY
FRIENDS I'VE ALWAYS KNOWN ♪

♪ I'M GONNA SEEK OUT ALL MY
FRIENDS I'VE ALWAYS KNOWN ♪
♪ I'M GOING BACK TO THAT FARM

FRIENDS I'VE ALWAYS KNOWN ♪
♪ I'M GOING BACK TO THAT FARM
THAT I REMEMBER ♪

♪ I'M GOING BACK TO THAT FARM
THAT I REMEMBER ♪
♪ WELL, I'M GONNA SPEND THIS

THAT I REMEMBER ♪
♪ WELL, I'M GONNA SPEND THIS
SUMMER BACK HOME ♪

♪ WELL, I'M GONNA SPEND THIS
SUMMER BACK HOME ♪
♪ BACK HOME ♪

SUMMER BACK HOME ♪
♪ BACK HOME ♪
♪ I'LL SPEND MY SUMMER BACK

♪ BACK HOME ♪
♪ I'LL SPEND MY SUMMER BACK
HOME ♪

♪ I'LL SPEND MY SUMMER BACK
HOME ♪
♪ BACK HOME ♪

HOME ♪
♪ BACK HOME ♪
♪ I'LL SPEND MY SUMMER BACK

♪ BACK HOME ♪
♪ I'LL SPEND MY SUMMER BACK
HOME ♪

♪ I'LL SPEND MY SUMMER BACK
HOME ♪
♪ I'M GONNA GET UP EVERY MORNING

HOME ♪
♪ I'M GONNA GET UP EVERY MORNING
BEFORE THE ROOSTERS ♪

♪ I'M GONNA GET UP EVERY MORNING
BEFORE THE ROOSTERS ♪
♪ I'M GONNA GET UP OUT

BEFORE THE ROOSTERS ♪
♪ I'M GONNA GET UP OUT
OF... BREAKFAST ALL ALONE ♪

♪ I'M GONNA GET UP OUT
OF... BREAKFAST ALL ALONE ♪
♪ I'LL MILK THOSE COWS, FEED THE

OF... BREAKFAST ALL ALONE ♪
♪ I'LL MILK THOSE COWS, FEED THE
CHICKENS AND THE HORSES ♪

♪ I'LL MILK THOSE COWS, FEED THE
CHICKENS AND THE HORSES ♪
♪ WELL, I'M GONNA SPEND THIS

CHICKENS AND THE HORSES ♪
♪ WELL, I'M GONNA SPEND THIS
SUMMER BACK HOME ♪

♪ WELL, I'M GONNA SPEND THIS
SUMMER BACK HOME ♪
♪ BACK HOME ♪

SUMMER BACK HOME ♪
♪ BACK HOME ♪
♪ I'LL SPEND MY SUMMER BACK

♪ BACK HOME ♪
♪ I'LL SPEND MY SUMMER BACK
HOME ♪

♪ I'LL SPEND MY SUMMER BACK
HOME ♪
♪ BACK HOME ♪

HOME ♪
♪ BACK HOME ♪
♪ I'LL SPEND MY SUMMER BACK

♪ BACK HOME ♪
♪ I'LL SPEND MY SUMMER BACK
HOME ♪

♪ I'LL SPEND MY SUMMER BACK
HOME ♪
♪ I'LL EAT EVERYTHING THAT MA

HOME ♪
♪ I'LL EAT EVERYTHING THAT MA
PUTS ON THE TABLE ♪

♪ I'LL EAT EVERYTHING THAT MA
PUTS ON THE TABLE ♪
♪ WHEN I GET BACK YOU WON'T

PUTS ON THE TABLE ♪
♪ WHEN I GET BACK YOU WON'T
BELIEVE HOW I'VE GROWN ♪

♪ WHEN I GET BACK YOU WON'T
BELIEVE HOW I'VE GROWN ♪
♪ I'LL HIT THE SACK EARLY EVERY

BELIEVE HOW I'VE GROWN ♪
♪ I'LL HIT THE SACK EARLY EVERY
NIGHT, THINKING ABOUT TOMORROW ♪

♪ I'LL HIT THE SACK EARLY EVERY
NIGHT, THINKING ABOUT TOMORROW ♪
♪ WELL, I'M GONNA SPEND THIS

NIGHT, THINKING ABOUT TOMORROW ♪
♪ WELL, I'M GONNA SPEND THIS
SUMMER BACK HOME ♪

♪ WELL, I'M GONNA SPEND THIS
SUMMER BACK HOME ♪
♪ BACK HOME ♪

SUMMER BACK HOME ♪
♪ BACK HOME ♪
♪ I'LL SPEND MY SUMMER BACK

♪ BACK HOME ♪
♪ I'LL SPEND MY SUMMER BACK
HOME ♪

♪ I'LL SPEND MY SUMMER BACK
HOME ♪
♪ BACK HOME ♪

HOME ♪
♪ BACK HOME ♪
♪ I'LL SPEND MY SUMMER BACK

♪ BACK HOME ♪
♪ I'LL SPEND MY SUMMER BACK
HOME ♪

♪ I'LL SPEND MY SUMMER BACK
HOME ♪
♪ BACK HOME ♪

HOME ♪
♪ BACK HOME ♪
♪ I'LL SPEND MY SUMMER BACK

♪ BACK HOME ♪
♪ I'LL SPEND MY SUMMER BACK
HOME ♪

♪ I'LL SPEND MY SUMMER BACK
HOME ♪
♪ BACK HOME ♪

HOME ♪
♪ BACK HOME ♪
♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪

♪ BACK HOME ♪
♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪

♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪

♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪

♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ YEAH, BABY ♪

♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ YEAH, BABY ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

HI, I'M JODIE FOSTER,
AND, IF YOU'RE LIKE ME, YOU'RE
GOING THROUGH THOSE AWKWARD

AND, IF YOU'RE LIKE ME, YOU'RE
GOING THROUGH THOSE AWKWARD
YEARS BETWEEN 13 AND 18 WHEN

GOING THROUGH THOSE AWKWARD
YEARS BETWEEN 13 AND 18 WHEN
EVERYTHING SEEMS WRONG.

YEARS BETWEEN 13 AND 18 WHEN
EVERYTHING SEEMS WRONG.
BELIEVE ME, AS CUTE AS I AM, I

EVERYTHING SEEMS WRONG.
BELIEVE ME, AS CUTE AS I AM, I
KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO HATE YOUR

BELIEVE ME, AS CUTE AS I AM, I
KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO HATE YOUR
BODY AND WISH YOU COULD TRADE IT

KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO HATE YOUR
BODY AND WISH YOU COULD TRADE IT
IN FOR SOMEBODY ELSE'S.

BODY AND WISH YOU COULD TRADE IT
IN FOR SOMEBODY ELSE'S.
THAT'S WHY I'M GLAD THAT I

IN FOR SOMEBODY ELSE'S.
THAT'S WHY I'M GLAD THAT I
DISCOVERED PUBERTY HELPER.

THAT'S WHY I'M GLAD THAT I
DISCOVERED PUBERTY HELPER.
SO WHY NOT TRY IT BEFORE IT'S

DISCOVERED PUBERTY HELPER.
SO WHY NOT TRY IT BEFORE IT'S
TOO LATE AND YOU FIND OUT HOW

SO WHY NOT TRY IT BEFORE IT'S
TOO LATE AND YOU FIND OUT HOW
LAME YOU ARE?

TOO LATE AND YOU FIND OUT HOW
LAME YOU ARE?
JODIE'S RIGHT, GUYS AND GALS.

LAME YOU ARE?
JODIE'S RIGHT, GUYS AND GALS.
WHAT YOU NEED AT THIS AGE IS

JODIE'S RIGHT, GUYS AND GALS.
WHAT YOU NEED AT THIS AGE IS
ROVCO'S AMAZING NEW PUBERTY

WHAT YOU NEED AT THIS AGE IS
ROVCO'S AMAZING NEW PUBERTY
HELPER.

ROVCO'S AMAZING NEW PUBERTY
HELPER.
JUST ONE SINGLE APPLICATION IS

HELPER.
JUST ONE SINGLE APPLICATION IS
ENOUGH TO COVER A FULL FIVE

JUST ONE SINGLE APPLICATION IS
ENOUGH TO COVER A FULL FIVE
YEARS OF AGONY.

ENOUGH TO COVER A FULL FIVE
YEARS OF AGONY.
AVOID POTENTIALLY DAMAGING

YEARS OF AGONY.
AVOID POTENTIALLY DAMAGING
ADOLESCENT TRAUMA.

AVOID POTENTIALLY DAMAGING
ADOLESCENT TRAUMA.
LOOK NEAT, FEEL SHARP THROUGH

ADOLESCENT TRAUMA.
LOOK NEAT, FEEL SHARP THROUGH
WHAT PSYCHIATRISTS TERM "THE

LOOK NEAT, FEEL SHARP THROUGH
WHAT PSYCHIATRISTS TERM "THE
INSECURITY-PRONE YEARS."

WHAT PSYCHIATRISTS TERM "THE
INSECURITY-PRONE YEARS."
GUARANTEED TO WORK OR YOUR MONEY

INSECURITY-PRONE YEARS."
GUARANTEED TO WORK OR YOUR MONEY
BACK.

GUARANTEED TO WORK OR YOUR MONEY
BACK.
NOW, WATCH ROVCO'S PUBERTY

BACK.
NOW, WATCH ROVCO'S PUBERTY
HELPER IN ACTION.

NOW, WATCH ROVCO'S PUBERTY
HELPER IN ACTION.
OH, HI.

HELPER IN ACTION.
OH, HI.
H-HI, YOURSELF.

OH, HI.
H-HI, YOURSELF.
WHO DO YOU HAVE FOR MATH THIS

H-HI, YOURSELF.
WHO DO YOU HAVE FOR MATH THIS
YEAR?

WHO DO YOU HAVE FOR MATH THIS
YEAR?
MR. NOVAK.

YEAR?
MR. NOVAK.
I HAVE MR. KOTTER.

MR. NOVAK.
I HAVE MR. KOTTER.
OH, I-I DIDN'T EVEN

I HAVE MR. KOTTER.
OH, I-I DIDN'T EVEN
KNOW HE WAS BACK.

OH, I-I DIDN'T EVEN
KNOW HE WAS BACK.
MAYBE I'LL SWITCH.

TRY PUBERTY HELPER TODAY AND

AVOID THE HEARTBREAK OF STRAIGHT

HAIR, CURLY HAIR, PIMPLES,

BLACKHEADS, ZITS, ALL

KINDS OF SKIN ERUPTIONS, NERDY

CLOTHES YOUR MOTHER MADE YOU

BUY, PHYSICAL AWKWARDNESS, BRA

STRAPS SHOWING, SAFETY PINS IN

YOUR BRA STRAPS SHOWING, TOO

POINTY ELBOWS, SLEPT ON YOUR

ROLLERS, BLUSHING, RETAINERS ON

YOUR TEETH, GUM ON YOUR SKIRT,

NOT HAVING PIERCED EARS WHEN

EVERYBODY ELSE HAS THEM,

GANGLINESS, THE LOOK OF

EMBARRASSING PADS, PINS, AND

BELTS, SHIRT WON'T STAY TUCKED

IN, WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW YOU HAVE

A BOOGER, SOME STUFF YOU GOT ON

YOU IN A CAFETERIA ACCIDENTLY,

TUCKING YOUR SKIRT INTO THE

WAISTBAND OF YOUR UNDERWEAR,

FREQUENT NOSEBLEEDS,

EMBARRASSING BULGES IN THE CHEST

AREA, NO EMBARRASSING BULGES IN

THE CHEST AREA, NEEDING TO

SHAVE, NOT NEEDING TO SHAVE, AND

PREGNANCY!

YES, IT'S THE AMAZING NEW
PUBERTY HELPER FROM ROVCO.
AND ALL THIS FOR JUST $49.95.

PUBERTY HELPER FROM ROVCO.
AND ALL THIS FOR JUST $49.95.
THAT'S RIGHT, ONLY $49.95.

AND ALL THIS FOR JUST $49.95.
THAT'S RIGHT, ONLY $49.95.
WRITE TO...

THAT'S RIGHT, ONLY $49.95.
WRITE TO...
YOUR HORMONES WILL BE GLAD YOU

WRITE TO...
YOUR HORMONES WILL BE GLAD YOU
DID.

TICKET, PLEASE.
PUT YOUR HAND LUGGAGE ON THE
COUNTER AND STEP THROUGH,

PUT YOUR HAND LUGGAGE ON THE
COUNTER AND STEP THROUGH,
PLEASE.

COUNTER AND STEP THROUGH,
PLEASE.
[BEEP]

PLEASE.
[BEEP]
STEP ON BACK, SIR.

[BEEP]
STEP ON BACK, SIR.
EMPTY ALL METAL OBJECTS INTO

STEP ON BACK, SIR.
EMPTY ALL METAL OBJECTS INTO
THE TRAY AND LIFT YOUR ARMS,

EMPTY ALL METAL OBJECTS INTO
THE TRAY AND LIFT YOUR ARMS,
PLEASE.

THE TRAY AND LIFT YOUR ARMS,
PLEASE.
OKAY, TAKE YOUR THINGS.

PLEASE.
OKAY, TAKE YOUR THINGS.
STEP RIGHT ON THROUGH, SIR.

OKAY, TAKE YOUR THINGS.
STEP RIGHT ON THROUGH, SIR.
TICKET, PLEASE.

STEP RIGHT ON THROUGH, SIR.
TICKET, PLEASE.
PUT YOUR HAND LUGGAGE ON THE

TICKET, PLEASE.
PUT YOUR HAND LUGGAGE ON THE
COUNTER, PLEASE.

PUT YOUR HAND LUGGAGE ON THE
COUNTER, PLEASE.
STEP THROUGH, PLEASE.

COUNTER, PLEASE.
STEP THROUGH, PLEASE.
[BEEP]

STEP THROUGH, PLEASE.
[BEEP]
STEP RIGHT BACK HERE, SIR.

[BEEP]
STEP RIGHT BACK HERE, SIR.
PLEASE EMPTY ALL METAL OBJECTS

STEP RIGHT BACK HERE, SIR.
PLEASE EMPTY ALL METAL OBJECTS
INTO THE METAL TRAY AND LIFT

PLEASE EMPTY ALL METAL OBJECTS
INTO THE METAL TRAY AND LIFT
YOUR ARMS.

INTO THE METAL TRAY AND LIFT
YOUR ARMS.
[BEEP]

YOUR ARMS.
[BEEP]
YOU STILL HAVE METAL ON YOU

[BEEP]
YOU STILL HAVE METAL ON YOU
SOMEWHERE, SIR.

YOU STILL HAVE METAL ON YOU
SOMEWHERE, SIR.
OKAY, I'VE GOT SOME KEYS AND,

SOMEWHERE, SIR.
OKAY, I'VE GOT SOME KEYS AND,
UH, I HAVE A KNIFE.

OKAY, I'VE GOT SOME KEYS AND,
UH, I HAVE A KNIFE.
OKAY, LIFT YOUR ARMS, PLEASE.

UH, I HAVE A KNIFE.
OKAY, LIFT YOUR ARMS, PLEASE.
[BEEP]

OKAY, LIFT YOUR ARMS, PLEASE.
[BEEP]
I'M SORRY, SIR, YOU STILL HAVE

[BEEP]
I'M SORRY, SIR, YOU STILL HAVE
SOME METAL ON YOU.

I'M SORRY, SIR, YOU STILL HAVE
SOME METAL ON YOU.
OKAY, OKAY, FINE, FINE, FINE.

SOME METAL ON YOU.
OKAY, OKAY, FINE, FINE, FINE.
I GOT IT.

[SIGHS]

I KNOW, I KNOW.
YOU'RE JUST DOING YOUR JOB.
I KNOW.

YOU'RE JUST DOING YOUR JOB.
I KNOW.
THAT'S RIGHT, SIR.

LIFT YOUR ARMS, PLEASE.
[BEEP]
I'M SORRY, I'M STILL GETTING A

[BEEP]
I'M SORRY, I'M STILL GETTING A
BEEP.

I'M SORRY, I'M STILL GETTING A
BEEP.
OKAY!

BEEP.
OKAY!
YOU PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS SO

OKAY!
YOU PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS SO
THOROUGH!

YOU PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS SO
THOROUGH!
BUT WHEN SOMETHING REALLY

THOROUGH!
BUT WHEN SOMETHING REALLY
HAPPENS, WHEN YOU'RE REALLY

BUT WHEN SOMETHING REALLY
HAPPENS, WHEN YOU'RE REALLY
NEEDED, YOU'RE THE LAST ONES TO

HAPPENS, WHEN YOU'RE REALLY
NEEDED, YOU'RE THE LAST ONES TO
KNOW ABOUT IT!

NEEDED, YOU'RE THE LAST ONES TO
KNOW ABOUT IT!
I CAN'T TAKE MY COLLAR OFF

KNOW ABOUT IT!
I CAN'T TAKE MY COLLAR OFF
TODAY.

I CAN'T TAKE MY COLLAR OFF
TODAY.
THAT'S NOT THE KEY.

TODAY.
THAT'S NOT THE KEY.
THAT'S ANOTHER ONE.

THAT'S NOT THE KEY.
THAT'S ANOTHER ONE.
I LOVE METAL! I NEED METAL!

THAT'S ANOTHER ONE.
I LOVE METAL! I NEED METAL!
YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF

I LOVE METAL! I NEED METAL!
YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF
THAT WHEN YOU GOT DRESSED.

YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF
THAT WHEN YOU GOT DRESSED.
OKAY, SIR.

THAT WHEN YOU GOT DRESSED.
OKAY, SIR.
CAN I GO?!

OKAY, SIR.
CAN I GO?!
LIFT YOUR ARMS ONE MORE TIME.

CAN I GO?!
LIFT YOUR ARMS ONE MORE TIME.
[BEEP]

LIFT YOUR ARMS ONE MORE TIME.
[BEEP]
ALL RIGHT!

[BEEP]
ALL RIGHT!
ALL RIGHT, SIR, TAKE YOUR

ALL RIGHT!
ALL RIGHT, SIR, TAKE YOUR
THINGS.

[SIGHS]
SOMETIMES IT'S LIKE THEY MAKE IT
HARD ON ME ON PURPOSE.

SOMETIMES IT'S LIKE THEY MAKE IT
HARD ON ME ON PURPOSE.
TICKET, PLEASE.

HARD ON ME ON PURPOSE.
TICKET, PLEASE.
OH.

TICKET, PLEASE.
OH.
THANK YOU, TIN WOODSMAN.

OH.
THANK YOU, TIN WOODSMAN.
GO RIGHT ON THROUGH.

THANK YOU, TIN WOODSMAN.
GO RIGHT ON THROUGH.
[BEEP]

GO RIGHT ON THROUGH.
[BEEP]
OH, GO AHEAD, TIN WOODSMAN, IT'S

[BEEP]
OH, GO AHEAD, TIN WOODSMAN, IT'S
ALL RIGHT.

OH, GO AHEAD, TIN WOODSMAN, IT'S
ALL RIGHT.
THE TIN WOODSMAN?

ALL RIGHT.
THE TIN WOODSMAN?
THAT WAS THE TIN WOODSMAN?

THE TIN WOODSMAN?
THAT WAS THE TIN WOODSMAN?
I SHOULD HAVE ASKED HIM FOR HIS

THAT WAS THE TIN WOODSMAN?
I SHOULD HAVE ASKED HIM FOR HIS
AUTOGRAPH.

Announcer: AND NOW, "WEEKEND
UPDATE," WITH JANE CURTIN.
GOOD EVENING, I'M

UPDATE," WITH JANE CURTIN.
GOOD EVENING, I'M
JANE CURTIN, AND HERE BUT FOR

GOOD EVENING, I'M
JANE CURTIN, AND HERE BUT FOR
THE GRACE OF GOD GOES GILDA.

JANE CURTIN, AND HERE BUT FOR
THE GRACE OF GOD GOES GILDA.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... IN A

THE GRACE OF GOD GOES GILDA.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... IN A
BOOK CALLED "PAST FORGETTING: MY

OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... IN A
BOOK CALLED "PAST FORGETTING: MY
LOVE AFFAIR WITH

BOOK CALLED "PAST FORGETTING: MY
LOVE AFFAIR WITH
DWIGHT EISENHOWER," AUTHOR

LOVE AFFAIR WITH
DWIGHT EISENHOWER," AUTHOR
KAY SUMMERSBY REVEALS THAT SHE

DWIGHT EISENHOWER," AUTHOR
KAY SUMMERSBY REVEALS THAT SHE
AND IKE DID HAVE A LOVE AFFAIR

KAY SUMMERSBY REVEALS THAT SHE
AND IKE DID HAVE A LOVE AFFAIR
DURING WORLD WAR II, BUT SHE

AND IKE DID HAVE A LOVE AFFAIR
DURING WORLD WAR II, BUT SHE
CONTINUES TO SAY THAT IT WAS

DURING WORLD WAR II, BUT SHE
CONTINUES TO SAY THAT IT WAS
NEVER CONSUMMATED BECAUSE THE

CONTINUES TO SAY THAT IT WAS
NEVER CONSUMMATED BECAUSE THE
GENERAL WAS IMPOTENT.

NEVER CONSUMMATED BECAUSE THE
GENERAL WAS IMPOTENT.
THE AUTHOR, PICTURED HERE WITH

GENERAL WAS IMPOTENT.
THE AUTHOR, PICTURED HERE WITH
THE THEN SUPREME ALLIED

THE AUTHOR, PICTURED HERE WITH
THE THEN SUPREME ALLIED
COMMANDER IN EUROPE, SAID THAT

THE THEN SUPREME ALLIED
COMMANDER IN EUROPE, SAID THAT
IKE WAS LIVING PROOF THAT OLD

COMMANDER IN EUROPE, SAID THAT
IKE WAS LIVING PROOF THAT OLD
SOLDIERS NEVER DIE, THEY JUST

IKE WAS LIVING PROOF THAT OLD
SOLDIERS NEVER DIE, THEY JUST
LIMP AWAY.

SOLDIERS NEVER DIE, THEY JUST
LIMP AWAY.
PATTY HEARST, ENJOYING HER

LIMP AWAY.
PATTY HEARST, ENJOYING HER
SECOND WEEK OF FREEDOM, IS

PATTY HEARST, ENJOYING HER
SECOND WEEK OF FREEDOM, IS
BUSYING HERSELF BY REDECORATING

SECOND WEEK OF FREEDOM, IS
BUSYING HERSELF BY REDECORATING
HER BEDROOM IN HER PARENTS'

BUSYING HERSELF BY REDECORATING
HER BEDROOM IN HER PARENTS'
APARTMENT, SAYING THAT IT'S JUST

HER BEDROOM IN HER PARENTS'
APARTMENT, SAYING THAT IT'S JUST
LIKE SHE NEVER LEFT.

APARTMENT, SAYING THAT IT'S JUST
LIKE SHE NEVER LEFT.
PATTY IS SHOWN HERE ORDERING

LIKE SHE NEVER LEFT.
PATTY IS SHOWN HERE ORDERING
SOME NEW WALLPAPER IN A

PATTY IS SHOWN HERE ORDERING
SOME NEW WALLPAPER IN A
DEPARTMENT STORE IN

SOME NEW WALLPAPER IN A
DEPARTMENT STORE IN
SAN FRANCISCO.

DEPARTMENT STORE IN
SAN FRANCISCO.
OVERLY CONCERNED WITH THE

SAN FRANCISCO.
OVERLY CONCERNED WITH THE
INTEGRITY AND PAST RECORDS OF

OVERLY CONCERNED WITH THE
INTEGRITY AND PAST RECORDS OF
HIS FUTURE COLLEAGUES,

INTEGRITY AND PAST RECORDS OF
HIS FUTURE COLLEAGUES,
JIMMY CARTER'S TRANSITION OFFICE

HIS FUTURE COLLEAGUES,
JIMMY CARTER'S TRANSITION OFFICE
RELEASED THE NAMES OF 135

JIMMY CARTER'S TRANSITION OFFICE
RELEASED THE NAMES OF 135
PEOPLE, MOST OF THEM YOUNG, ALL

RELEASED THE NAMES OF 135
PEOPLE, MOST OF THEM YOUNG, ALL
OF THEM SANTA CLAUS, WHO WILL

PEOPLE, MOST OF THEM YOUNG, ALL
OF THEM SANTA CLAUS, WHO WILL
HELP SCREEN APPOINTEES FOR THE

OF THEM SANTA CLAUS, WHO WILL
HELP SCREEN APPOINTEES FOR THE
NEW ADMINISTRATION.

HELP SCREEN APPOINTEES FOR THE
NEW ADMINISTRATION.
SAID THE PRESIDENT-ELECT, "THE

NEW ADMINISTRATION.
SAID THE PRESIDENT-ELECT, "THE
MEMBERS OF THIS PANEL ARE QUITE

SAID THE PRESIDENT-ELECT, "THE
MEMBERS OF THIS PANEL ARE QUITE
ASTUTE.

MEMBERS OF THIS PANEL ARE QUITE
ASTUTE.
THEY KNOW IF YOU ARE SLEEPING,

ASTUTE.
THEY KNOW IF YOU ARE SLEEPING,
THEY KNOW IF YOU'RE AWAKE.

THEY KNOW IF YOU ARE SLEEPING,
THEY KNOW IF YOU'RE AWAKE.
THEY KNOW IF YOU'VE BEEN BAD OR

THEY KNOW IF YOU'RE AWAKE.
THEY KNOW IF YOU'VE BEEN BAD OR
GOOD, SO BE GOOD, FOR GOODNESS'

THEY KNOW IF YOU'VE BEEN BAD OR
GOOD, SO BE GOOD, FOR GOODNESS'
SAKE."

GOOD, SO BE GOOD, FOR GOODNESS'
SAKE."
MORE ON THIS STORY AS IT

SAKE."
MORE ON THIS STORY AS IT
DEVELOPS.

MORE ON THIS STORY AS IT
DEVELOPS.
UPON FINISHING A 13-MONTH SEARCH

DEVELOPS.
UPON FINISHING A 13-MONTH SEARCH
OF THE AEGEAN ISLANDS FOR THE

UPON FINISHING A 13-MONTH SEARCH
OF THE AEGEAN ISLANDS FOR THE
LEGENDARY CITY OF ATLANTIS,

OF THE AEGEAN ISLANDS FOR THE
LEGENDARY CITY OF ATLANTIS,
EXPLORER JACQUES COUSTEAU

LEGENDARY CITY OF ATLANTIS,
EXPLORER JACQUES COUSTEAU
CONCLUDED THAT ATLANTIS NEVER

EXPLORER JACQUES COUSTEAU
CONCLUDED THAT ATLANTIS NEVER
EXISTED BECAUSE HE COULD NOT

CONCLUDED THAT ATLANTIS NEVER
EXISTED BECAUSE HE COULD NOT
FIND IT.

EXISTED BECAUSE HE COULD NOT
FIND IT.
COUSTEAU ALSO MAINTAINED THAT

FIND IT.
COUSTEAU ALSO MAINTAINED THAT
SEX NEVER EXISTED ON ANY OF THE

COUSTEAU ALSO MAINTAINED THAT
SEX NEVER EXISTED ON ANY OF THE
AEGEAN ISLANDS BECAUSE HE COULD

SEX NEVER EXISTED ON ANY OF THE
AEGEAN ISLANDS BECAUSE HE COULD
NOT FIND IT, EITHER.

AEGEAN ISLANDS BECAUSE HE COULD
NOT FIND IT, EITHER.
THE COMMISSIONER OF FOOTBALL HAS

NOT FIND IT, EITHER.
THE COMMISSIONER OF FOOTBALL HAS
LAUNCHED A SERIOUS INVESTIGATION

THE COMMISSIONER OF FOOTBALL HAS
LAUNCHED A SERIOUS INVESTIGATION
INTO THE INCREASING NUMBER OF

LAUNCHED A SERIOUS INVESTIGATION
INTO THE INCREASING NUMBER OF
INJURIES IN PRO FOOTBALL.

INTO THE INCREASING NUMBER OF
INJURIES IN PRO FOOTBALL.
CRIPPLING WOUNDS TO THE KNEES

INJURIES IN PRO FOOTBALL.
CRIPPLING WOUNDS TO THE KNEES
AND HEAD HAVE BEEN ON THE RISE

CRIPPLING WOUNDS TO THE KNEES
AND HEAD HAVE BEEN ON THE RISE
THIS SEASON AND HAVE CUT SHORT

AND HEAD HAVE BEEN ON THE RISE
THIS SEASON AND HAVE CUT SHORT
MANY PROMISING CAREERS,

THIS SEASON AND HAVE CUT SHORT
MANY PROMISING CAREERS,
SUCH AS THAT OF GREEN BAY

MANY PROMISING CAREERS,
SUCH AS THAT OF GREEN BAY
LINEBACKER MATT ALDMAN, WHO CAN

SUCH AS THAT OF GREEN BAY
LINEBACKER MATT ALDMAN, WHO CAN
NO LONGER WALK AND HAS A

LINEBACKER MATT ALDMAN, WHO CAN
NO LONGER WALK AND HAS A
FOOTBALL PERMANENTLY EMBEDDED ON

NO LONGER WALK AND HAS A
FOOTBALL PERMANENTLY EMBEDDED ON
HIS FACE.

FOOTBALL PERMANENTLY EMBEDDED ON
HIS FACE.
"THERE IS NO QUESTION THAT THERE

HIS FACE.
"THERE IS NO QUESTION THAT THERE
IS FAR MORE HARM THAN BENEFITS

"THERE IS NO QUESTION THAT THERE
IS FAR MORE HARM THAN BENEFITS
CAUSED BY DIETS USING SPEED OR

IS FAR MORE HARM THAN BENEFITS
CAUSED BY DIETS USING SPEED OR
AMPHETAMINES."

CAUSED BY DIETS USING SPEED OR
AMPHETAMINES."
THIS STATEMENT WAS MADE TO A

AMPHETAMINES."
THIS STATEMENT WAS MADE TO A
SENATE SUBCOMMITTEE BY

THIS STATEMENT WAS MADE TO A
SENATE SUBCOMMITTEE BY
DR. LESTER GRINSPOON OF THE

SENATE SUBCOMMITTEE BY
DR. LESTER GRINSPOON OF THE
HARVARD MEDICAL SCHOOL.

DR. LESTER GRINSPOON OF THE
HARVARD MEDICAL SCHOOL.
FOR FURTHER INFORMATION ABOUT

HARVARD MEDICAL SCHOOL.
FOR FURTHER INFORMATION ABOUT
THIS, WRITE TO THE COMMITTEE AND

FOR FURTHER INFORMATION ABOUT
THIS, WRITE TO THE COMMITTEE AND
YOU CAN RECEIVE A TRANSCRIPT OF

THIS, WRITE TO THE COMMITTEE AND
YOU CAN RECEIVE A TRANSCRIPT OF
THE 6-POUND DOCTOR'S

YOU CAN RECEIVE A TRANSCRIPT OF
THE 6-POUND DOCTOR'S
1,700-PAGE TESTIMONY.

THE 6-POUND DOCTOR'S
1,700-PAGE TESTIMONY.
PRESIDENT-ELECT CARTER MET WITH

1,700-PAGE TESTIMONY.
PRESIDENT-ELECT CARTER MET WITH
CONGRESSIONAL LEADERS THIS WEEK

PRESIDENT-ELECT CARTER MET WITH
CONGRESSIONAL LEADERS THIS WEEK
AND PROMISED THAT HE'LL WORK

CONGRESSIONAL LEADERS THIS WEEK
AND PROMISED THAT HE'LL WORK
CLOSELY WITH THEM.

AND PROMISED THAT HE'LL WORK
CLOSELY WITH THEM.
TO DEMONSTRATE HIS SINCERITY,

CLOSELY WITH THEM.
TO DEMONSTRATE HIS SINCERITY,
CARTER GAVE EACH MEMBER OF THE

TO DEMONSTRATE HIS SINCERITY,
CARTER GAVE EACH MEMBER OF THE
FOREIGN RELATIONS PANEL HIS

CARTER GAVE EACH MEMBER OF THE
FOREIGN RELATIONS PANEL HIS
PRIVATE HOME TELEPHONE NUMBER.

FOREIGN RELATIONS PANEL HIS
PRIVATE HOME TELEPHONE NUMBER.
"WEEKEND UPDATE" SOURCE IN

PRIVATE HOME TELEPHONE NUMBER.
"WEEKEND UPDATE" SOURCE IN
CONGRESS, WHOM WE CALL

"WEEKEND UPDATE" SOURCE IN
CONGRESS, WHOM WE CALL
"DEEP EARS," OBTAINED THIS

CONGRESS, WHOM WE CALL
"DEEP EARS," OBTAINED THIS
NUMBER, AND WE ARE GOING TO CALL

"DEEP EARS," OBTAINED THIS
NUMBER, AND WE ARE GOING TO CALL
THE PRESIDENT-ELECT AT HIS HOME.

NUMBER, AND WE ARE GOING TO CALL
THE PRESIDENT-ELECT AT HIS HOME.
3-1-1...

THE PRESIDENT-ELECT AT HIS HOME.
3-1-1...
5-5-5...

3-1-1...
5-5-5...
4-0-9-8.

5-5-5...
4-0-9-8.
[Telephone ringing]

4-0-9-8.
[Telephone ringing]
HELLO?

[Telephone ringing]
HELLO?
HELLO, IS THIS JIMMY CARTER,

HELLO?
HELLO, IS THIS JIMMY CARTER,
THE PRESIDENT-ELECT?

HELLO, IS THIS JIMMY CARTER,
THE PRESIDENT-ELECT?
MM-HMM. YES, IT IS.

THE PRESIDENT-ELECT?
MM-HMM. YES, IT IS.
WELL, THIS IS JANE CURTIN OF

MM-HMM. YES, IT IS.
WELL, THIS IS JANE CURTIN OF
"WEEKEND UPDATE," AND IF YOU CAN

WELL, THIS IS JANE CURTIN OF
"WEEKEND UPDATE," AND IF YOU CAN
ANSWER THIS WEEK'S QUESTION, YOU

"WEEKEND UPDATE," AND IF YOU CAN
ANSWER THIS WEEK'S QUESTION, YOU
WILL WIN A COMPLETE DENIM

ANSWER THIS WEEK'S QUESTION, YOU
WILL WIN A COMPLETE DENIM
WARDROBE.

WILL WIN A COMPLETE DENIM
WARDROBE.
OH, THAT'S VERY EXCITING.

WARDROBE.
OH, THAT'S VERY EXCITING.
WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO?

OH, THAT'S VERY EXCITING.
WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO?
WELL, CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT

WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO?
WELL, CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT
DICTATOR DIED A YEAR AGO LAST

WELL, CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT
DICTATOR DIED A YEAR AGO LAST
WEEK?

DICTATOR DIED A YEAR AGO LAST
WEEK?
UM, LET ME THINK ABOUT IT.

WEEK?
UM, LET ME THINK ABOUT IT.
UH, J. EDGAR HOOVER.

UM, LET ME THINK ABOUT IT.
UH, J. EDGAR HOOVER.
OH, NO, I'M SORRY.

UH, J. EDGAR HOOVER.
OH, NO, I'M SORRY.
THAT DICTATOR IS

OH, NO, I'M SORRY.
THAT DICTATOR IS
GENERAL FRANCISCO FRANCO.

THAT DICTATOR IS
GENERAL FRANCISCO FRANCO.
OH, I DON'T KNOW HOW I MISSED

GENERAL FRANCISCO FRANCO.
OH, I DON'T KNOW HOW I MISSED
THAT.

OH, I DON'T KNOW HOW I MISSED
THAT.
WELL, GOVERNOR CARTER, AS A

THAT.
WELL, GOVERNOR CARTER, AS A
CONSOLATION, WE'LL BE SENDING

WELL, GOVERNOR CARTER, AS A
CONSOLATION, WE'LL BE SENDING
YOU A HERBIE HANCOCK "MAN-CHILD"

CONSOLATION, WE'LL BE SENDING
YOU A HERBIE HANCOCK "MAN-CHILD"
ALBUM AND A CASE OF LOBO

YOU A HERBIE HANCOCK "MAN-CHILD"
ALBUM AND A CASE OF LOBO
AFTERSHAVE.

ALBUM AND A CASE OF LOBO
AFTERSHAVE.
OKAY, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

AFTERSHAVE.
OKAY, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
WELL, THANK YOU, GOVERNOR.

OKAY, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
WELL, THANK YOU, GOVERNOR.
GOD LOVE YOU NOW.

WELL, THANK YOU, GOVERNOR.
GOD LOVE YOU NOW.
CALL ANYTIME.

GOD LOVE YOU NOW.
CALL ANYTIME.
ANYTIME.

CALL ANYTIME.
ANYTIME.
ALL RIGHT, BYE.

ANYTIME.
ALL RIGHT, BYE.
THE DISPUTE IN THE ONASSIS

ALL RIGHT, BYE.
THE DISPUTE IN THE ONASSIS
FAMILY OVER THE DIVISION OF THE

THE DISPUTE IN THE ONASSIS
FAMILY OVER THE DIVISION OF THE
ESTATE LEFT BY THE LATE SHIPPING

FAMILY OVER THE DIVISION OF THE
ESTATE LEFT BY THE LATE SHIPPING
TYCOON WAS FINALLY SETTLED THIS

ESTATE LEFT BY THE LATE SHIPPING
TYCOON WAS FINALLY SETTLED THIS
WEEK.

TYCOON WAS FINALLY SETTLED THIS
WEEK.
A SOURCE CLOSE TO THE FAMILY

WEEK.
A SOURCE CLOSE TO THE FAMILY
SAID DAUGHTER CHRISTINA ONASSIS

A SOURCE CLOSE TO THE FAMILY
SAID DAUGHTER CHRISTINA ONASSIS
AND STEPMOTHER JACKIE REACHED A

SAID DAUGHTER CHRISTINA ONASSIS
AND STEPMOTHER JACKIE REACHED A
SETTLEMENT THROUGH A PERSONAL

AND STEPMOTHER JACKIE REACHED A
SETTLEMENT THROUGH A PERSONAL
AGREEMENT.

SETTLEMENT THROUGH A PERSONAL
AGREEMENT.
NO LAWYERS WERE USED.

AGREEMENT.
NO LAWYERS WERE USED.
"WEEKEND UPDATE" WAS FORTUNATE

NO LAWYERS WERE USED.
"WEEKEND UPDATE" WAS FORTUNATE
ENOUGH TO OBTAIN EXCLUSIVE

"WEEKEND UPDATE" WAS FORTUNATE
ENOUGH TO OBTAIN EXCLUSIVE
FOOTAGE SHOWING HOW THIS

ENOUGH TO OBTAIN EXCLUSIVE
FOOTAGE SHOWING HOW THIS
SETTLEMENT WAS REACHED BY,

FOOTAGE SHOWING HOW THIS
SETTLEMENT WAS REACHED BY,
CURIOUSLY ENOUGH, AN

SETTLEMENT WAS REACHED BY,
CURIOUSLY ENOUGH, AN
OLD-FASHIONED MUD-WRESTLING

CURIOUSLY ENOUGH, AN
OLD-FASHIONED MUD-WRESTLING
MATCH.

OLD-FASHIONED MUD-WRESTLING
MATCH.
THAT'S A SURPRISINGLY HEFTY

MATCH.
THAT'S A SURPRISINGLY HEFTY
JACKIE ON THE LEFT.

THAT'S A SURPRISINGLY HEFTY
JACKIE ON THE LEFT.
SHE'S BEEN EATING HEAVILY,

JACKIE ON THE LEFT.
SHE'S BEEN EATING HEAVILY,
BEEFING UP FOR THIS BOUT.

SHE'S BEEN EATING HEAVILY,
BEEFING UP FOR THIS BOUT.
AND, OF COURSE, TINA IN THE

BEEFING UP FOR THIS BOUT.
AND, OF COURSE, TINA IN THE
YELLOW BIKINI.

AND, OF COURSE, TINA IN THE
YELLOW BIKINI.
A FOREARM SMASH BY JACKIE SENDS

YELLOW BIKINI.
A FOREARM SMASH BY JACKIE SENDS
TINA INTO THE MUD.

A FOREARM SMASH BY JACKIE SENDS
TINA INTO THE MUD.
AND OH, SHE'S GROGGY.

TINA INTO THE MUD.
AND OH, SHE'S GROGGY.
SHE CAN BARELY STAND UP, LADIES

AND OH, SHE'S GROGGY.
SHE CAN BARELY STAND UP, LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN.

SHE CAN BARELY STAND UP, LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN.
AND STILL ANOTHER FOREARM SLASH.

AND GENTLEMEN.
AND STILL ANOTHER FOREARM SLASH.
JACK'S IN TOP SHAPE.

AND STILL ANOTHER FOREARM SLASH.
JACK'S IN TOP SHAPE.
SHE'S BEEN TRAINING SINCE

JACK'S IN TOP SHAPE.
SHE'S BEEN TRAINING SINCE
AUGUST... 10, 12 HOURS A DAY.

SHE'S BEEN TRAINING SINCE
AUGUST... 10, 12 HOURS A DAY.
WHOOPS, SHE'S DOWN AS TINA COMES

AUGUST... 10, 12 HOURS A DAY.
WHOOPS, SHE'S DOWN AS TINA COMES
BACK WITH A TOEHOLD.

WHOOPS, SHE'S DOWN AS TINA COMES
BACK WITH A TOEHOLD.
NEVER COUNT THIS FEISTY LITTLE

BACK WITH A TOEHOLD.
NEVER COUNT THIS FEISTY LITTLE
GREEK OUT, FOLKS.

NEVER COUNT THIS FEISTY LITTLE
GREEK OUT, FOLKS.
BUT A DETERMINED JACKIE BREAKS

GREEK OUT, FOLKS.
BUT A DETERMINED JACKIE BREAKS
FREE AND THIS IS ANYBODY'S

BUT A DETERMINED JACKIE BREAKS
FREE AND THIS IS ANYBODY'S
MATCH.

FREE AND THIS IS ANYBODY'S
MATCH.
NOW JACKIE APPLIES A HEADLOCK.

MATCH.
NOW JACKIE APPLIES A HEADLOCK.
THAT'S GOT TO HURT WITH PIERCED

NOW JACKIE APPLIES A HEADLOCK.
THAT'S GOT TO HURT WITH PIERCED
EARS.

THAT'S GOT TO HURT WITH PIERCED
EARS.
FOLLOWED BY A HARD UPPERCUT.

EARS.
FOLLOWED BY A HARD UPPERCUT.
THAT GAL CAN REALLY DISH IT OUT.

FOLLOWED BY A HARD UPPERCUT.
THAT GAL CAN REALLY DISH IT OUT.
OH, OH, ANOTHER HEADLOCK.

THAT GAL CAN REALLY DISH IT OUT.
OH, OH, ANOTHER HEADLOCK.
ANOTHER... AND A QUICK TAKEDOWN

OH, OH, ANOTHER HEADLOCK.
ANOTHER... AND A QUICK TAKEDOWN
BY TINA.

ANOTHER... AND A QUICK TAKEDOWN
BY TINA.
THIS COULD BE IT, LADIES AND

BY TINA.
THIS COULD BE IT, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN.

THIS COULD BE IT, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN.
THIS COULD BE IT.

GENTLEMEN.
THIS COULD BE IT.
YES, IT IS.

THIS COULD BE IT.
YES, IT IS.
YES, IT IS IT.

YES, IT IS.
YES, IT IS IT.
YES, IT IS, AS TINA SAID,

YES, IT IS IT.
YES, IT IS, AS TINA SAID,
"HERE'S MUD IN YOUR EYE,

YES, IT IS, AS TINA SAID,
"HERE'S MUD IN YOUR EYE,
SISTER," AND WINS THE MATCH.

"HERE'S MUD IN YOUR EYE,
SISTER," AND WINS THE MATCH.
$80 BILLION, THE YACHT, AND THE

SISTER," AND WINS THE MATCH.
$80 BILLION, THE YACHT, AND THE
ISLAND OF SKORPIOS.

$80 BILLION, THE YACHT, AND THE
ISLAND OF SKORPIOS.
AN ADDENDUM TO THAT STORY... IT

ISLAND OF SKORPIOS.
AN ADDENDUM TO THAT STORY... IT
HAD BEEN REPORTED THAT TINA

AN ADDENDUM TO THAT STORY... IT
HAD BEEN REPORTED THAT TINA
DISLIKED JACKIE BECAUSE OF HER

HAD BEEN REPORTED THAT TINA
DISLIKED JACKIE BECAUSE OF HER
INSENSITIVE BEHAVIOR AT THE TIME

DISLIKED JACKIE BECAUSE OF HER
INSENSITIVE BEHAVIOR AT THE TIME
OF THE DEATH OF TINA'S FATHER...

INSENSITIVE BEHAVIOR AT THE TIME
OF THE DEATH OF TINA'S FATHER...
AEROSOL ONASSIS.

OF THE DEATH OF TINA'S FATHER...
AEROSOL ONASSIS.
BY WAY OF EXPLANATION, JACKIE

AEROSOL ONASSIS.
BY WAY OF EXPLANATION, JACKIE
CLARIFIED THAT YES, SHE WAS

BY WAY OF EXPLANATION, JACKIE
CLARIFIED THAT YES, SHE WAS
INSENSITIVE BECAUSE AEROSOL WAS

CLARIFIED THAT YES, SHE WAS
INSENSITIVE BECAUSE AEROSOL WAS
FILLED WITH FLUOROCARBONS THAT

INSENSITIVE BECAUSE AEROSOL WAS
FILLED WITH FLUOROCARBONS THAT
WERE DESTROYING THE OZONE LAYER

FILLED WITH FLUOROCARBONS THAT
WERE DESTROYING THE OZONE LAYER
AND THAT IF HE DIDN'T DIE, HE

WERE DESTROYING THE OZONE LAYER
AND THAT IF HE DIDN'T DIE, HE
WOULD HAVE BEEN BANNED BY THE

AND THAT IF HE DIDN'T DIE, HE
WOULD HAVE BEEN BANNED BY THE
ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTIVE AGENCY

WOULD HAVE BEEN BANNED BY THE
ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTIVE AGENCY
ANYWAY.

ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTIVE AGENCY
ANYWAY.
STILL TO COME... FRANK SINATRA

ANYWAY.
STILL TO COME... FRANK SINATRA
DRINKS HIS SWINE FLU, OR FLINE

STILL TO COME... FRANK SINATRA
DRINKS HIS SWINE FLU, OR FLINE
SWU.

DRINKS HIS SWINE FLU, OR FLINE
SWU.
YOU DON'T KNOW, DO YOU?

WHAT KIND OF GUY WATCHES
NBC's "SATURDAY NIGHT"?
LET'S ASK STEVE BUSHAKIS OF

NBC's "SATURDAY NIGHT"?
LET'S ASK STEVE BUSHAKIS OF
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS.

LET'S ASK STEVE BUSHAKIS OF
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS.
I JUST STARTED MY OWN

CHICAGO, ILLINOIS.
I JUST STARTED MY OWN
BUSINESS.

I JUST STARTED MY OWN
BUSINESS.
I GUESS I WAS JUST SICK OF

BUSINESS.
I GUESS I WAS JUST SICK OF
TAKING ORDERS FROM THE OTHER

I GUESS I WAS JUST SICK OF
TAKING ORDERS FROM THE OTHER
GUY.

TAKING ORDERS FROM THE OTHER
GUY.
THE BUSINESS?

GUY.
THE BUSINESS?
THIS PLANT SHOP.

THE BUSINESS?
THIS PLANT SHOP.
AH, PEOPLE KID ME ABOUT

THIS PLANT SHOP.
AH, PEOPLE KID ME ABOUT
PLANT-SHOP OWNERS BEING GAY, AND

AH, PEOPLE KID ME ABOUT
PLANT-SHOP OWNERS BEING GAY, AND
I KID 'EM RIGHT BACK.

PLANT-SHOP OWNERS BEING GAY, AND
I KID 'EM RIGHT BACK.
YOU SEE, I'M SO SECURE IN MY

I KID 'EM RIGHT BACK.
YOU SEE, I'M SO SECURE IN MY
VIRILITY THAT I CAN JOKE ABOUT

YOU SEE, I'M SO SECURE IN MY
VIRILITY THAT I CAN JOKE ABOUT
HOMOS.

VIRILITY THAT I CAN JOKE ABOUT
HOMOS.
LET ME TELL YOU, THOUGH, I LIKE

HOMOS.
LET ME TELL YOU, THOUGH, I LIKE
WOMEN, AND THEY LIKE ME.

LET ME TELL YOU, THOUGH, I LIKE
WOMEN, AND THEY LIKE ME.
I'VE HAD GONORRHEA FIVE TIMES.

WOMEN, AND THEY LIKE ME.
I'VE HAD GONORRHEA FIVE TIMES.
THERE'S NO DOUBLE STANDARD HERE.

I'VE HAD GONORRHEA FIVE TIMES.
THERE'S NO DOUBLE STANDARD HERE.
UNH-UNH.

THE MORE PROMISCUOUS A GIRL, THE

MORE I RESPECT HER.

AND WHEN IT COMES TO

ENTERTAINMENT, IT'S RAUNCHY,

SOPHOMORE COMEDY FOR ME.

THAT'S WHY I WATCH
"SATURDAY NIGHT."
I GUESS YOU'D SAY I'M THAT

"SATURDAY NIGHT."
I GUESS YOU'D SAY I'M THAT
"SATURDAY NIGHT" KIND OF GUY.

I GUESS YOU'D SAY I'M THAT
"SATURDAY NIGHT" KIND OF GUY.
WOMEN LOVE A MAN WHO WATCHES

"SATURDAY NIGHT" KIND OF GUY.
WOMEN LOVE A MAN WHO WATCHES
"SATURDAY NIGHT."

THIS WEEK, LIKE MILLIONS OF
AMERICANS, GERALD FORD AND
JIMMY CARTER CELEBRATED

AMERICANS, GERALD FORD AND
JIMMY CARTER CELEBRATED
THANKSGIVING WITH THEIR FAMILIES

JIMMY CARTER CELEBRATED
THANKSGIVING WITH THEIR FAMILIES
AT TRADITIONAL HOLIDAY DINNERS.

THANKSGIVING WITH THEIR FAMILIES
AT TRADITIONAL HOLIDAY DINNERS.
IN PLAINS, GEORGIA, THE CARTERS

AT TRADITIONAL HOLIDAY DINNERS.
IN PLAINS, GEORGIA, THE CARTERS
ENJOYED TURKEY WITH CORNBREAD

IN PLAINS, GEORGIA, THE CARTERS
ENJOYED TURKEY WITH CORNBREAD
DRESSING, WHILE AT CAMP DAVID,

ENJOYED TURKEY WITH CORNBREAD
DRESSING, WHILE AT CAMP DAVID,
THE FORD FAMILY DINED

DRESSING, WHILE AT CAMP DAVID,
THE FORD FAMILY DINED
APPROPRIATELY ON ROAST LAME

THE FORD FAMILY DINED
APPROPRIATELY ON ROAST LAME
DUCK, CRIPPLED CRANBERRY SAUCE,

APPROPRIATELY ON ROAST LAME
DUCK, CRIPPLED CRANBERRY SAUCE,
MANGLED YAMS, AND DISABLED

DUCK, CRIPPLED CRANBERRY SAUCE,
MANGLED YAMS, AND DISABLED
PUMPKIN PIE SERVED ON A

MANGLED YAMS, AND DISABLED
PUMPKIN PIE SERVED ON A
STRETCHER.

PUMPKIN PIE SERVED ON A
STRETCHER.
AND HENRY KISSINGER MADE AN

STRETCHER.
AND HENRY KISSINGER MADE AN
APPEARANCE IN THE ANNUAL MACY'S

AND HENRY KISSINGER MADE AN
APPEARANCE IN THE ANNUAL MACY'S
THANKSGIVING DAY PARADE.

APPEARANCE IN THE ANNUAL MACY'S
THANKSGIVING DAY PARADE.
AFTERWARDS, OFFICIALS CUT HIM

THANKSGIVING DAY PARADE.
AFTERWARDS, OFFICIALS CUT HIM
LOOSE, AND HENRY FLEW TO

AFTERWARDS, OFFICIALS CUT HIM
LOOSE, AND HENRY FLEW TO
ACAPULCO FOR A MUCH-DESERVED

LOOSE, AND HENRY FLEW TO
ACAPULCO FOR A MUCH-DESERVED
VACATION.

ACAPULCO FOR A MUCH-DESERVED
VACATION.
HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMP MUHAMMAD ALI

VACATION.
HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMP MUHAMMAD ALI
CAME OUT OF RETIREMENT THIS WEEK

HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMP MUHAMMAD ALI
CAME OUT OF RETIREMENT THIS WEEK
AND ANNOUNCED HIS PLANS TO FIGHT

CAME OUT OF RETIREMENT THIS WEEK
AND ANNOUNCED HIS PLANS TO FIGHT
FIFTH-RANKED CHALLENGER

AND ANNOUNCED HIS PLANS TO FIGHT
FIFTH-RANKED CHALLENGER
DWAYNE BOBICK.

FIFTH-RANKED CHALLENGER
DWAYNE BOBICK.
ALTHOUGH NO DATE HAS BEEN SET

DWAYNE BOBICK.
ALTHOUGH NO DATE HAS BEEN SET
FOR THE BOUT, IT IS ASSUMED THAT

ALTHOUGH NO DATE HAS BEEN SET
FOR THE BOUT, IT IS ASSUMED THAT
IT WILL TAKE PLACE EARLY NEXT

FOR THE BOUT, IT IS ASSUMED THAT
IT WILL TAKE PLACE EARLY NEXT
YEAR, IN TIME FOR THE WINNER TO

IT WILL TAKE PLACE EARLY NEXT
YEAR, IN TIME FOR THE WINNER TO
REPLACE CIA DIRECTOR

YEAR, IN TIME FOR THE WINNER TO
REPLACE CIA DIRECTOR
GEORGE BUSH, WHO'S RETIRING ON

REPLACE CIA DIRECTOR
GEORGE BUSH, WHO'S RETIRING ON
JANUARY 20th.

GEORGE BUSH, WHO'S RETIRING ON
JANUARY 20th.
LAST WEEK, "WEEKEND UPDATE"

JANUARY 20th.
LAST WEEK, "WEEKEND UPDATE"
REPORTED THAT TV PERSONALITY

LAST WEEK, "WEEKEND UPDATE"
REPORTED THAT TV PERSONALITY
MORRIS THE CAT ATTEMPTED

REPORTED THAT TV PERSONALITY
MORRIS THE CAT ATTEMPTED
SUICIDE, BUT COULD ONLY THINK OF

MORRIS THE CAT ATTEMPTED
SUICIDE, BUT COULD ONLY THINK OF
WAYS TO KILL EIGHT OF HIS NINE

SUICIDE, BUT COULD ONLY THINK OF
WAYS TO KILL EIGHT OF HIS NINE
LIVES.

WAYS TO KILL EIGHT OF HIS NINE
LIVES.
UPDATE HAS RECEIVED HUNDREDS OF

LIVES.
UPDATE HAS RECEIVED HUNDREDS OF
SUGGESTIONS ON A NINTH WAY TO

UPDATE HAS RECEIVED HUNDREDS OF
SUGGESTIONS ON A NINTH WAY TO
KILL MORRIS, SUCH AS MAKING HIM

SUGGESTIONS ON A NINTH WAY TO
KILL MORRIS, SUCH AS MAKING HIM
WATCH HIS OWN COMMERCIALS,

KILL MORRIS, SUCH AS MAKING HIM
WATCH HIS OWN COMMERCIALS,
MARKING HIM "FRAGILE" AND

WATCH HIS OWN COMMERCIALS,
MARKING HIM "FRAGILE" AND
SENDING HIM TO MILWAUKEE BY

MARKING HIM "FRAGILE" AND
SENDING HIM TO MILWAUKEE BY
THIRD-CLASS MAIL, HAVING HIM

SENDING HIM TO MILWAUKEE BY
THIRD-CLASS MAIL, HAVING HIM
TAKE THE NESTEA PLUNGE FROM THE

THIRD-CLASS MAIL, HAVING HIM
TAKE THE NESTEA PLUNGE FROM THE
30th FLOOR, TYING HIS HEAD AND

TAKE THE NESTEA PLUNGE FROM THE
30th FLOOR, TYING HIS HEAD AND
TAIL TO TRUCKS GOING IN OPPOSITE

30th FLOOR, TYING HIS HEAD AND
TAIL TO TRUCKS GOING IN OPPOSITE
DIRECTIONS...

TAIL TO TRUCKS GOING IN OPPOSITE
DIRECTIONS...
AND STICKING DYNAMITE IN AN

DIRECTIONS...
AND STICKING DYNAMITE IN AN
UNMENTIONABLE ORIFICE.

AND STICKING DYNAMITE IN AN
UNMENTIONABLE ORIFICE.
LITERALLY THOUSANDS OF

UNMENTIONABLE ORIFICE.
LITERALLY THOUSANDS OF
RECOMMENDATIONS, ALL OF THEM

LITERALLY THOUSANDS OF
RECOMMENDATIONS, ALL OF THEM
GOOD, EXCEPT FOR ONE RACIST WHO

RECOMMENDATIONS, ALL OF THEM
GOOD, EXCEPT FOR ONE RACIST WHO
MISUNDERSTOOD THE STORY AND TOLD

GOOD, EXCEPT FOR ONE RACIST WHO
MISUNDERSTOOD THE STORY AND TOLD
US HOW TO KILL

MISUNDERSTOOD THE STORY AND TOLD
US HOW TO KILL
NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME PLAYER

US HOW TO KILL
NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME PLAYER
GARRETT MORRIS.

NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME PLAYER
GARRETT MORRIS.
WE HAVE FORWARDED ALL YOUR

GARRETT MORRIS.
WE HAVE FORWARDED ALL YOUR
SUGGESTIONS TO THIS OBNOXIOUS

WE HAVE FORWARDED ALL YOUR
SUGGESTIONS TO THIS OBNOXIOUS
CAT FOR HIS APPROVAL, BUT ONCE

SUGGESTIONS TO THIS OBNOXIOUS
CAT FOR HIS APPROVAL, BUT ONCE
AGAIN, MORRIS IS BEING FINICKY.

CAT FOR HIS APPROVAL, BUT ONCE
AGAIN, MORRIS IS BEING FINICKY.
NONE OF THEM ARE TO HIS LIKING,

AGAIN, MORRIS IS BEING FINICKY.
NONE OF THEM ARE TO HIS LIKING,
SO WE STILL APPEAL TO YOUR SENSE

NONE OF THEM ARE TO HIS LIKING,
SO WE STILL APPEAL TO YOUR SENSE
OF HUMANITY.

SO WE STILL APPEAL TO YOUR SENSE
OF HUMANITY.
HELP PUT THIS CAT OUT OF HIS

OF HUMANITY.
HELP PUT THIS CAT OUT OF HIS
MISERY.

CONTINUE SENDING YOUR

SUGGESTIONS TO...

HOPEFULLY, THE DECISION OF

MORRIS WILL BE FINAL.

A 30% CUT IN NEW YORK STATE
FUNDING IS SERIOUSLY THREATENING
OPERATIONS AT THE FAMOUS BRONX

FUNDING IS SERIOUSLY THREATENING
OPERATIONS AT THE FAMOUS BRONX
ZOO.

OPERATIONS AT THE FAMOUS BRONX
ZOO.
ZOO OFFICIALS SAY THAT THE CUT

ZOO.
ZOO OFFICIALS SAY THAT THE CUT
WILL MEAN THAT THE ANIMALS WILL

ZOO OFFICIALS SAY THAT THE CUT
WILL MEAN THAT THE ANIMALS WILL
HAVE TO FEED THEMSELVES, CLEAN

WILL MEAN THAT THE ANIMALS WILL
HAVE TO FEED THEMSELVES, CLEAN
UP THEIR OWN CAGES, AND TAKE

HAVE TO FEED THEMSELVES, CLEAN
UP THEIR OWN CAGES, AND TAKE
PART-TIME JOBS AT THE POST

UP THEIR OWN CAGES, AND TAKE
PART-TIME JOBS AT THE POST
OFFICE DURING THIS HOLIDAY

PART-TIME JOBS AT THE POST
OFFICE DURING THIS HOLIDAY
SEASON.

OFFICE DURING THIS HOLIDAY
SEASON.
GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT

SEASON.
GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT
TOMORROW.

GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT
TOMORROW.
THIS IS A SONG THAT I WROTE

TOMORROW.
THIS IS A SONG THAT I WROTE
VERY RECENTLY.

THIS IS A SONG THAT I WROTE
VERY RECENTLY.
IT KIND OF TYPIFIES MY FEELING

VERY RECENTLY.
IT KIND OF TYPIFIES MY FEELING
ABOUT WOMEN, AND IT'S CALLED

IT KIND OF TYPIFIES MY FEELING
ABOUT WOMEN, AND IT'S CALLED
"LOVE IS A WOMAN."

ABOUT WOMEN, AND IT'S CALLED
"LOVE IS A WOMAN."
1, 2.

"LOVE IS A WOMAN."
1, 2.
[INTRO PLAYS]

1, 2.
[INTRO PLAYS]
♪ LOVE IS A WOMAN ♪

[INTRO PLAYS]
♪ LOVE IS A WOMAN ♪
♪ TREAT HER TENDERLY TONIGHT ♪

♪ LOVE IS A WOMAN ♪
♪ TREAT HER TENDERLY TONIGHT ♪
♪ LOVE IS A WOMAN ♪

♪ TREAT HER TENDERLY TONIGHT ♪
♪ LOVE IS A WOMAN ♪
♪ SO GIVE HER ALL YOUR LOVE

♪ LOVE IS A WOMAN ♪
♪ SO GIVE HER ALL YOUR LOVE
TONIGHT ♪

♪ SO GIVE HER ALL YOUR LOVE
TONIGHT ♪
♪ A WOMAN IS LOVE ♪

TONIGHT ♪
♪ A WOMAN IS LOVE ♪
♪ AND IF YOU'RE SMART, YOU'LL

♪ A WOMAN IS LOVE ♪
♪ AND IF YOU'RE SMART, YOU'LL
PLEASE HER, TEASE HER TONIGHT ♪

♪ AND IF YOU'RE SMART, YOU'LL
PLEASE HER, TEASE HER TONIGHT ♪
♪ JUST TAKE MY ADVICE ♪

PLEASE HER, TEASE HER TONIGHT ♪
♪ JUST TAKE MY ADVICE ♪
♪ YOU JUST TREAT HER NICE ♪

♪ JUST TAKE MY ADVICE ♪
♪ YOU JUST TREAT HER NICE ♪
♪ AND YOU'LL FIND YOUR WOMAN IS

♪ YOU JUST TREAT HER NICE ♪
♪ AND YOU'LL FIND YOUR WOMAN IS
LOVE ♪

♪ AND YOU'LL FIND YOUR WOMAN IS
LOVE ♪
♪ LOVE IS A WOMAN ♪

LOVE ♪
♪ LOVE IS A WOMAN ♪
♪ SO TELL HER SHE SMELLS GOOD

♪ LOVE IS A WOMAN ♪
♪ SO TELL HER SHE SMELLS GOOD
TONIGHT ♪

♪ SO TELL HER SHE SMELLS GOOD
TONIGHT ♪
♪ LOVE IS A WOMAN ♪

TONIGHT ♪
♪ LOVE IS A WOMAN ♪
♪ SO MAKE HER FEEL THAT WAY

♪ LOVE IS A WOMAN ♪
♪ SO MAKE HER FEEL THAT WAY
TONIGHT ♪

♪ SO MAKE HER FEEL THAT WAY
TONIGHT ♪
♪ A WOMAN IS LOVE ♪

TONIGHT ♪
♪ A WOMAN IS LOVE ♪
♪ AND IF YOU'RE SMART YOU'LL

♪ A WOMAN IS LOVE ♪
♪ AND IF YOU'RE SMART YOU'LL
PLEASE HER, TEASE HER TONIGHT ♪

♪ AND IF YOU'RE SMART YOU'LL
PLEASE HER, TEASE HER TONIGHT ♪
♪ JUST TAKE MY ADVICE ♪

PLEASE HER, TEASE HER TONIGHT ♪
♪ JUST TAKE MY ADVICE ♪
♪ YOU JUST TREAT HER NICE ♪

♪ JUST TAKE MY ADVICE ♪
♪ YOU JUST TREAT HER NICE ♪
♪ AND YOU'LL FIND YOUR WOMAN IS

♪ YOU JUST TREAT HER NICE ♪
♪ AND YOU'LL FIND YOUR WOMAN IS
LOVE ♪

♪ AND YOU'LL FIND YOUR WOMAN IS
LOVE ♪
♪ 1, 2, 3 ♪

LOVE ♪
♪ 1, 2, 3 ♪
♪ 2, 3 ♪

♪ 1, 2, 3 ♪
♪ 2, 3 ♪
♪ SHE'S FALLING IN LOVE WITH

♪ 2, 3 ♪
♪ SHE'S FALLING IN LOVE WITH
ME ♪

♪ SHE'S FALLING IN LOVE WITH
ME ♪
♪ 4, 5, 6 ♪

ME ♪
♪ 4, 5, 6 ♪
♪ 5, 6 ♪

♪ 4, 5, 6 ♪
♪ 5, 6 ♪
♪ SHE FELL FOR ALL MY

♪ 5, 6 ♪
♪ SHE FELL FOR ALL MY
TRICKS ♪

♪ SHE FELL FOR ALL MY
TRICKS ♪
♪ 7, 8, 9 ♪

TRICKS ♪
♪ 7, 8, 9 ♪
♪ 8, 9 ♪

♪ 7, 8, 9 ♪
♪ 8, 9 ♪
♪ SHE MAKES ME FEEL SO

♪ 8, 9 ♪
♪ SHE MAKES ME FEEL SO
FINE ♪

♪ SHE MAKES ME FEEL SO
FINE ♪
♪ LOVE IS A WOMAN ♪

FINE ♪
♪ LOVE IS A WOMAN ♪
♪ SO TREAT HER TENDERLY

♪ LOVE IS A WOMAN ♪
♪ SO TREAT HER TENDERLY
TONIGHT ♪

♪ SO TREAT HER TENDERLY
TONIGHT ♪
♪ LOVE MAKES A WOMAN ♪

TONIGHT ♪
♪ LOVE MAKES A WOMAN ♪
♪ SO GIVE HER ALL YOUR LOVE

♪ LOVE MAKES A WOMAN ♪
♪ SO GIVE HER ALL YOUR LOVE
TONIGHT ♪

♪ TAKE MY ADVICE ♪
♪ YOU JUST TREAT HER NICE ♪
♪ JUST TAKE MY ADVICE ♪

♪ YOU JUST TREAT HER NICE ♪
♪ JUST TAKE MY ADVICE ♪
♪ YOU JUST TREAT HER NICE ♪

♪ JUST TAKE MY ADVICE ♪
♪ YOU JUST TREAT HER NICE ♪
♪ TAKE MY ADVICE ♪

♪ YOU JUST TREAT HER NICE ♪
♪ TAKE MY ADVICE ♪
[APPLAUSE]

WELCOME TO A NEW SEGMENT OF
"SATURDAY NIGHT" CALLED
"LITTLE-KNOWN TALENTS OF THE

"SATURDAY NIGHT" CALLED
"LITTLE-KNOWN TALENTS OF THE
NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME

"LITTLE-KNOWN TALENTS OF THE
NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME
PLAYERS."

NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME
PLAYERS."
TONIGHT YOU WON'T BE SEEING ANY

PLAYERS."
TONIGHT YOU WON'T BE SEEING ANY
OF MY TALENTS 'CAUSE WE'RE

TONIGHT YOU WON'T BE SEEING ANY
OF MY TALENTS 'CAUSE WE'RE
FEATURING LARAINE, AND IT JUST

OF MY TALENTS 'CAUSE WE'RE
FEATURING LARAINE, AND IT JUST
SO HAPPENS THAT LARAINE HAS A

FEATURING LARAINE, AND IT JUST
SO HAPPENS THAT LARAINE HAS A
UNIQUE GIFT FOR DOING SOUND

SO HAPPENS THAT LARAINE HAS A
UNIQUE GIFT FOR DOING SOUND
EFFECTS, SO SHE'S GOING TO DO

UNIQUE GIFT FOR DOING SOUND
EFFECTS, SO SHE'S GOING TO DO
THEM FOR YOU TONIGHT.

EFFECTS, SO SHE'S GOING TO DO
THEM FOR YOU TONIGHT.
TO BEGIN WITH, LARAINE WOULD

THEM FOR YOU TONIGHT.
TO BEGIN WITH, LARAINE WOULD
LIKE TO DO A BABY CRYING.

TO BEGIN WITH, LARAINE WOULD
LIKE TO DO A BABY CRYING.
[CRYING]

LIKE TO DO A BABY CRYING.
[CRYING]
[BURPS]

[CRYING]
[BURPS]
[APPLAUSE]

[BURPS]
[APPLAUSE]
NEXT... I'M SURE YOU'VE ALL

[APPLAUSE]
NEXT... I'M SURE YOU'VE ALL
HAD PETS, LIKE A LITTLE DOG.

NEXT... I'M SURE YOU'VE ALL
HAD PETS, LIKE A LITTLE DOG.
LARAINE IS NOW GOING TO DO A

HAD PETS, LIKE A LITTLE DOG.
LARAINE IS NOW GOING TO DO A
LITTLE DOG BEING STEPPED ON.

LARAINE IS NOW GOING TO DO A
LITTLE DOG BEING STEPPED ON.
[YIPPING]

LITTLE DOG BEING STEPPED ON.
[YIPPING]
[APPLAUSE]

[YIPPING]
[APPLAUSE]
ALSO, LARAINE IS THE ONLY

[APPLAUSE]
ALSO, LARAINE IS THE ONLY
WOMAN IN NORTH AMERICA TODAY WHO

ALSO, LARAINE IS THE ONLY
WOMAN IN NORTH AMERICA TODAY WHO
PLAYS THIS PARTICULAR MUSICAL

WOMAN IN NORTH AMERICA TODAY WHO
PLAYS THIS PARTICULAR MUSICAL
INSTRUMENT.

PLAYS THIS PARTICULAR MUSICAL
INSTRUMENT.
LARAINE PLAYS HER LIP, AND SHE

INSTRUMENT.
LARAINE PLAYS HER LIP, AND SHE
IS NOW GOING TO PLAY FOR YOU THE

LARAINE PLAYS HER LIP, AND SHE
IS NOW GOING TO PLAY FOR YOU THE
FINAL PART OF THE "PORKY PIG"

IS NOW GOING TO PLAY FOR YOU THE
FINAL PART OF THE "PORKY PIG"
WARNER BROS. CARTOON.

FINAL PART OF THE "PORKY PIG"
WARNER BROS. CARTOON.
THAT'S WHEN HE SAYS, "THAT'S

WARNER BROS. CARTOON.
THAT'S WHEN HE SAYS, "THAT'S
ALL, FOLKS," OKAY?

THAT'S WHEN HE SAYS, "THAT'S
ALL, FOLKS," OKAY?
PICTURE THAT IN YOUR MIND.

ALL, FOLKS," OKAY?
PICTURE THAT IN YOUR MIND.
[LOONY TOONS THEME PLAYS]

PICTURE THAT IN YOUR MIND.
[LOONY TOONS THEME PLAYS]
[APPLAUSE]

AND IN CONCLUSION, LARAINE'S
PORTRAYAL OF A CHICKEN POSSESSED
BY THE DEVIL.

PORTRAYAL OF A CHICKEN POSSESSED
BY THE DEVIL.
CAN YOU GET A... GOOD.

BY THE DEVIL.
CAN YOU GET A... GOOD.
OKAY, GET A WIDE SHOT ON THIS.

CAN YOU GET A... GOOD.
OKAY, GET A WIDE SHOT ON THIS.
OKAY.

OKAY, GET A WIDE SHOT ON THIS.
OKAY.
[CLUCKING]

[CLUCKING WILDLY]
[CLUCKING WITH DEEP VOICE]
PLUCK ME.

[CLUCKING WITH DEEP VOICE]
PLUCK ME.
PLUCK ME, PLUCK ME, PLUCK ME.

AND NOW, AS PART OF NBC's
50th ANNIVERSARY, A SALUTE TO
THE GREATEST VOICE-OVER

50th ANNIVERSARY, A SALUTE TO
THE GREATEST VOICE-OVER
ANNOUNCER IN THE HISTORY OF SHOW

THE GREATEST VOICE-OVER
ANNOUNCER IN THE HISTORY OF SHOW
BUSINESS...

HELLO, THERE.
MY NAME IS
DANNY CADENZA FITZJACOBS.

MY NAME IS
DANNY CADENZA FITZJACOBS.
THE TERM "VOICE-OVER" IS USED IN

DANNY CADENZA FITZJACOBS.
THE TERM "VOICE-OVER" IS USED IN
TELEVISION WHENEVER

THE TERM "VOICE-OVER" IS USED IN
TELEVISION WHENEVER
ANNOUNCEMENTS OR NARRATION ARE

TELEVISION WHENEVER
ANNOUNCEMENTS OR NARRATION ARE
REQUIRED IN A SCENE.

ANNOUNCEMENTS OR NARRATION ARE
REQUIRED IN A SCENE.
IT'S A GRUELING AND, UNTIL NOW,

REQUIRED IN A SCENE.
IT'S A GRUELING AND, UNTIL NOW,
THANKLESS ART WHICH DEMANDS

IT'S A GRUELING AND, UNTIL NOW,
THANKLESS ART WHICH DEMANDS
PRECISION, PATIENCE, AND GUTS.

THANKLESS ART WHICH DEMANDS
PRECISION, PATIENCE, AND GUTS.
DON PARDO'S BACKGROUND HELPED TO

PRECISION, PATIENCE, AND GUTS.
DON PARDO'S BACKGROUND HELPED TO
COMBINE THESE QUALITIES.

DON PARDO'S BACKGROUND HELPED TO
COMBINE THESE QUALITIES.
HIS FATHER WAS AN AUCTIONEER AND

COMBINE THESE QUALITIES.
HIS FATHER WAS AN AUCTIONEER AND
HIS MOTHER WAS AN OPERA SINGER.

HIS FATHER WAS AN AUCTIONEER AND
HIS MOTHER WAS AN OPERA SINGER.
YOU MIGHT SAY HE WAS A BORN

HIS MOTHER WAS AN OPERA SINGER.
YOU MIGHT SAY HE WAS A BORN
ANNOUNCER.

DON TOOK HIS FIRST CUE AT

WESTFIELD HOSPITAL WHERE HE WAS

BORN AT 11:30 A.M., 10:30

CENTRAL TIME.

HOW ARE YOU, HONEY?
I'M TIRED, BUT I'M HAPPY.
WHEN CAN WE SEE THE BABY?

I'M TIRED, BUT I'M HAPPY.
WHEN CAN WE SEE THE BABY?
RIGHT NOW, MR. PARDO.

WHEN CAN WE SEE THE BABY?
RIGHT NOW, MR. PARDO.
OH, ISN'T HE CUTE?

RIGHT NOW, MR. PARDO.
OH, ISN'T HE CUTE?
I GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO START

OH, ISN'T HE CUTE?
I GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO START
SENDING OUT THE BIRTH

I GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO START
SENDING OUT THE BIRTH
ANNOUNCEMENTS.

SENDING OUT THE BIRTH
ANNOUNCEMENTS.
Announcer: NO, YOU WON'T,

ANNOUNCEMENTS.
Announcer: NO, YOU WON'T,
DAD.

Announcer: NO, YOU WON'T,
DAD.
I'LL DO IT MYSELF.

DAD.
I'LL DO IT MYSELF.
IT'S A BOY.

I'LL DO IT MYSELF.
IT'S A BOY.
YES, 6 1/2 POUNDS OF YOUR OWN

IT'S A BOY.
YES, 6 1/2 POUNDS OF YOUR OWN
SON.

YES, 6 1/2 POUNDS OF YOUR OWN
SON.
ANOTHER MIRACLE FROM MOTHER

SON.
ANOTHER MIRACLE FROM MOTHER
NATURE.

ANOTHER MIRACLE FROM MOTHER
NATURE.
JUST LISTEN TO THAT.

NATURE.
JUST LISTEN TO THAT.
SOMEDAY HE'S GONNA BE PRESIDENT

JUST LISTEN TO THAT.
SOMEDAY HE'S GONNA BE PRESIDENT
OF THE UNITED STATES.

SOMEDAY HE'S GONNA BE PRESIDENT
OF THE UNITED STATES.
AND SO, A VOICE WAS BORN.

OF THE UNITED STATES.
AND SO, A VOICE WAS BORN.
IN SCHOOL, YOUNG PARDO'S

AND SO, A VOICE WAS BORN.
IN SCHOOL, YOUNG PARDO'S
TEACHERS WERE QUICK TO RECOGNIZE

IN SCHOOL, YOUNG PARDO'S
TEACHERS WERE QUICK TO RECOGNIZE
HIS SPECIAL TALENT.

TEACHERS WERE QUICK TO RECOGNIZE
HIS SPECIAL TALENT.
[ALL TALKING]

HIS SPECIAL TALENT.
[ALL TALKING]
CHILDREN!

[ALL TALKING]
CHILDREN!
CHILDREN!

CHILDREN!
CHILDREN!
NOW, WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE?

CHILDREN!
NOW, WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE?
I COULD HEAR YOU ALL THE WAY

NOW, WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE?
I COULD HEAR YOU ALL THE WAY
DOWN THE HALL.

I COULD HEAR YOU ALL THE WAY
DOWN THE HALL.
DON PARDO, TELL ME WHAT WAS

DOWN THE HALL.
DON PARDO, TELL ME WHAT WAS
GOING ON.

DON PARDO, TELL ME WHAT WAS
GOING ON.
Announcer: WELL,

GOING ON.
Announcer: WELL,
MISS LONGABAUGH, SUSAN ANDERSON

Announcer: WELL,
MISS LONGABAUGH, SUSAN ANDERSON
WAS TALKING WITH HER NEIGHBOR,

MISS LONGABAUGH, SUSAN ANDERSON
WAS TALKING WITH HER NEIGHBOR,
AND THEN STEVIE O'CONNOR THREW

WAS TALKING WITH HER NEIGHBOR,
AND THEN STEVIE O'CONNOR THREW
GLORIA'S SHOE IN THE

AND THEN STEVIE O'CONNOR THREW
GLORIA'S SHOE IN THE
WASTEBASKET.

GLORIA'S SHOE IN THE
WASTEBASKET.
ANOTHER NAUGHTY ACT BY STEVIE.

WASTEBASKET.
ANOTHER NAUGHTY ACT BY STEVIE.
THANK YOU, DON PARDO.

ANOTHER NAUGHTY ACT BY STEVIE.
THANK YOU, DON PARDO.
YOU KNOW, YOU'VE GOT A GREAT

THANK YOU, DON PARDO.
YOU KNOW, YOU'VE GOT A GREAT
FUTURE.

YOU KNOW, YOU'VE GOT A GREAT
FUTURE.
THAT VOICE COULD RUN RAILROADS.

FUTURE.
THAT VOICE COULD RUN RAILROADS.
DON WENT ON TO MARRY HIS

THAT VOICE COULD RUN RAILROADS.
DON WENT ON TO MARRY HIS
CHILDHOOD SWEETHEART AND, LIKE

DON WENT ON TO MARRY HIS
CHILDHOOD SWEETHEART AND, LIKE
ALL YOUNG COUPLES AT THE TIME,

CHILDHOOD SWEETHEART AND, LIKE
ALL YOUNG COUPLES AT THE TIME,
THEY WENT UP TO NIAGARA FALLS

ALL YOUNG COUPLES AT THE TIME,
THEY WENT UP TO NIAGARA FALLS
FOR THEIR HONEYMOON.

THEY WENT UP TO NIAGARA FALLS
FOR THEIR HONEYMOON.
UH, IS EVERYTHING FINE,

FOR THEIR HONEYMOON.
UH, IS EVERYTHING FINE,
MR. AND MRS. PARDO?

UH, IS EVERYTHING FINE,
MR. AND MRS. PARDO?
Announcer: YES, THANK YOU.

MR. AND MRS. PARDO?
Announcer: YES, THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT.

Announcer: YES, THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT.
[PLAYS NBC THEME]

ALL RIGHT.
[PLAYS NBC THEME]
HONEY?

[PLAYS NBC THEME]
HONEY?
Announcer: YES, KATH?

HONEY?
Announcer: YES, KATH?
DO IT AGAIN.

Announcer: YES, KATH?
DO IT AGAIN.
ONCE MORE. GIVE IT TO ME.

DO IT AGAIN.
ONCE MORE. GIVE IT TO ME.
Announcer: [GRUMBLES]

ONCE MORE. GIVE IT TO ME.
Announcer: [GRUMBLES]
OH, OKAY.

Announcer: [GRUMBLES]
OH, OKAY.
WE'LL BE STAYING AT THE FABULOUS

OH, OKAY.
WE'LL BE STAYING AT THE FABULOUS
BRYANT HOUSE HOTEL.

WE'LL BE STAYING AT THE FABULOUS
BRYANT HOUSE HOTEL.
35 SPACIOUS ROOMS WITH A

BRYANT HOUSE HOTEL.
35 SPACIOUS ROOMS WITH A
SPECTACULAR VIEW OF THE FALLS,

35 SPACIOUS ROOMS WITH A
SPECTACULAR VIEW OF THE FALLS,
COMPLIMENTARY CONTINENTAL

SPECTACULAR VIEW OF THE FALLS,
COMPLIMENTARY CONTINENTAL
BREAKFAST, AND A FREE TOUR OF

COMPLIMENTARY CONTINENTAL
BREAKFAST, AND A FREE TOUR OF
THE FALLS IN THE MAID OF THE

BREAKFAST, AND A FREE TOUR OF
THE FALLS IN THE MAID OF THE
MIST.

THE FALLS IN THE MAID OF THE
MIST.
AFTER THE HONEYMOON, DON

MIST.
AFTER THE HONEYMOON, DON
TRIED MANY JOBS... SHORT-ORDER

AFTER THE HONEYMOON, DON
TRIED MANY JOBS... SHORT-ORDER
COOK, DOOR-TO-DOOR SALESMAN.

TRIED MANY JOBS... SHORT-ORDER
COOK, DOOR-TO-DOOR SALESMAN.
HE EVEN TRIED BUN RUNNING AT

COOK, DOOR-TO-DOOR SALESMAN.
HE EVEN TRIED BUN RUNNING AT
CHIC RESTAURANTS.

HE EVEN TRIED BUN RUNNING AT
CHIC RESTAURANTS.
BUT NOTHING SEEMED RIGHT FOR

CHIC RESTAURANTS.
BUT NOTHING SEEMED RIGHT FOR
HIM.

FINALLY, HE GOT HIS COURAGE UP

AND HE WENT TO APPLY FOR THE JOB

HE WAS BURNING TO DO... RADIO

ANNOUNCING.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
THAT'S WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT...
[KNOCK AT THE DOOR]

THAT'S WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT...
[KNOCK AT THE DOOR]
UH, I'LL CALL YOU LATER.

[KNOCK AT THE DOOR]
UH, I'LL CALL YOU LATER.
COME IN.

UH, I'LL CALL YOU LATER.
COME IN.
[DOOR OPENS]

COME IN.
[DOOR OPENS]
AH, MR. PARDO, SIT DOWN.

[DOOR OPENS]
AH, MR. PARDO, SIT DOWN.
[DOOR CLOSES]

AH, MR. PARDO, SIT DOWN.
[DOOR CLOSES]
OKAY, PARDO, YOU KNOW WHAT THIS

[DOOR CLOSES]
OKAY, PARDO, YOU KNOW WHAT THIS
JOB MEANS, DON'T YOU?

OKAY, PARDO, YOU KNOW WHAT THIS
JOB MEANS, DON'T YOU?
IT'S DEMANDING.

JOB MEANS, DON'T YOU?
IT'S DEMANDING.
YOU GOT TO HAVE PITCH, YOU GOT

IT'S DEMANDING.
YOU GOT TO HAVE PITCH, YOU GOT
TO HAVE TIMBRE, AND YOU GOT TO

YOU GOT TO HAVE PITCH, YOU GOT
TO HAVE TIMBRE, AND YOU GOT TO
HAVE RESONANCE.

TO HAVE TIMBRE, AND YOU GOT TO
HAVE RESONANCE.
THIS AIN'T FOR NO SISSIES SO

HAVE RESONANCE.
THIS AIN'T FOR NO SISSIES SO
DON'T GET ANY IDEAS ABOUT

THIS AIN'T FOR NO SISSIES SO
DON'T GET ANY IDEAS ABOUT
GETTING YOUR PUSS SLAPPED ALL

DON'T GET ANY IDEAS ABOUT
GETTING YOUR PUSS SLAPPED ALL
OVER THE COVERS OF

GETTING YOUR PUSS SLAPPED ALL
OVER THE COVERS OF
LIFE AND LOOK, OKAY?

OVER THE COVERS OF
LIFE AND LOOK, OKAY?
LET'S SEE.

LIFE AND LOOK, OKAY?
LET'S SEE.
COOK, SALESMAN, BUN RUNNER.

LET'S SEE.
COOK, SALESMAN, BUN RUNNER.
NOTHING HERE IN YOUR RéSUMé THAT

COOK, SALESMAN, BUN RUNNER.
NOTHING HERE IN YOUR RéSUMé THAT
WOULD QUALIFY YOU.

NOTHING HERE IN YOUR RéSUMé THAT
WOULD QUALIFY YOU.
BUT I GOT A HUNCH ABOUT YOU,

WOULD QUALIFY YOU.
BUT I GOT A HUNCH ABOUT YOU,
PARDO.

BUT I GOT A HUNCH ABOUT YOU,
PARDO.
HERE.

PARDO.
HERE.
READ THIS.

HERE.
READ THIS.
Announcer: "WE'LL BE RIGHT

READ THIS.
Announcer: "WE'LL BE RIGHT
BLACK."

Announcer: "WE'LL BE RIGHT
BLACK."
I MEAN, "WE'LL BE BRIGHT

BLACK."
I MEAN, "WE'LL BE BRIGHT
BLACK."

I MEAN, "WE'LL BE BRIGHT
BLACK."
HOW'S THAT?

BLACK."
HOW'S THAT?
GREAT.

HOW'S THAT?
GREAT.
OKAY, OKAY, THANKS.

GREAT.
OKAY, OKAY, THANKS.
WE'LL CALL YOU.

OKAY, OKAY, THANKS.
WE'LL CALL YOU.
WELL, DON GOT THE JOB...

WE'LL CALL YOU.
WELL, DON GOT THE JOB...
BUT ONLY BECAUSE SIX OTHER

WELL, DON GOT THE JOB...
BUT ONLY BECAUSE SIX OTHER
NBC ANNOUNCERS WERE KILLED IN A

BUT ONLY BECAUSE SIX OTHER
NBC ANNOUNCERS WERE KILLED IN A
TRAIN WRECK NEAR CHICAGO.

NBC ANNOUNCERS WERE KILLED IN A
TRAIN WRECK NEAR CHICAGO.
THE JOB WAS ON A RADIO SHOW

TRAIN WRECK NEAR CHICAGO.
THE JOB WAS ON A RADIO SHOW
CALLED "STELLA DALLAS"... A

THE JOB WAS ON A RADIO SHOW
CALLED "STELLA DALLAS"... A
SERIAL HEARD AND ENJOYED BY

CALLED "STELLA DALLAS"... A
SERIAL HEARD AND ENJOYED BY
MILLIONS OF AMERICANS DURING THE

SERIAL HEARD AND ENJOYED BY
MILLIONS OF AMERICANS DURING THE
WAR.

MILLIONS OF AMERICANS DURING THE
WAR.
HERE'S A RECORDING OF DON'S

WAR.
HERE'S A RECORDING OF DON'S
FIRST SHOW, ONE WE THINK HE'D

HERE'S A RECORDING OF DON'S
FIRST SHOW, ONE WE THINK HE'D
LIKE TO FORGET.

FIRST SHOW, ONE WE THINK HE'D
LIKE TO FORGET.
[MUSIC PLAYS]

LIKE TO FORGET.
[MUSIC PLAYS]
STELLA, DON'T GO INTO THE

[MUSIC PLAYS]
STELLA, DON'T GO INTO THE
LIBRARY.

STELLA, DON'T GO INTO THE
LIBRARY.
BUT I HAVE TO SEE WHAT'S

LIBRARY.
BUT I HAVE TO SEE WHAT'S
HAPPENED TO FATHER.

BUT I HAVE TO SEE WHAT'S
HAPPENED TO FATHER.
[CREAKING]

HAPPENED TO FATHER.
[CREAKING]
[SCREAMS]

[CREAKING]
[SCREAMS]
Announcer: TUNE IN NEXT WEEK

[SCREAMS]
Announcer: TUNE IN NEXT WEEK
TO "STELLA DALLAS" WHEN WE FIND

Announcer: TUNE IN NEXT WEEK
TO "STELLA DALLAS" WHEN WE FIND
OUT THAT STELLA KILLED HER

TO "STELLA DALLAS" WHEN WE FIND
OUT THAT STELLA KILLED HER
FATHER.

OUT THAT STELLA KILLED HER
FATHER.
OH, I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO SAY

FATHER.
OH, I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO SAY
THAT?

OH, I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO SAY
THAT?
BUT I THOUGHT THAT... OH,

THAT?
BUT I THOUGHT THAT... OH,
OH, OHHHHH.

BUT I THOUGHT THAT... OH,
OH, OHHHHH.
[LAUGHING]

OH, OHHHHH.
[LAUGHING]
HE WAS AN NBC STAFF RADIO

[LAUGHING]
HE WAS AN NBC STAFF RADIO
ANNOUNCER FOR MANY YEARS

HE WAS AN NBC STAFF RADIO
ANNOUNCER FOR MANY YEARS
UNTIL THAT MIRACLE CALLED

ANNOUNCER FOR MANY YEARS
UNTIL THAT MIRACLE CALLED
"TELEVISION" APPEARED.

UNTIL THAT MIRACLE CALLED
"TELEVISION" APPEARED.
HE WORKED FIRST IN A LIVE,

"TELEVISION" APPEARED.
HE WORKED FIRST IN A LIVE,
EARLY TV DRAMA...

HE WORKED FIRST IN A LIVE,
EARLY TV DRAMA...
ELAINE CARRINGTON'S "FOLLOW YOUR

EARLY TV DRAMA...
ELAINE CARRINGTON'S "FOLLOW YOUR
HEART."

HE WAS A GOOD MAN... A GOOD

MAN.

I'M GOING TO MISS HIM AT THE
PLANT.
HOW COULD IT HAVE HAPPENED?

PLANT.
HOW COULD IT HAVE HAPPENED?
A MACHINE... A PIECE OF STEEL

HOW COULD IT HAVE HAPPENED?
A MACHINE... A PIECE OF STEEL
WITH NO FEELINGS, CRUSHING

A MACHINE... A PIECE OF STEEL
WITH NO FEELINGS, CRUSHING
HIM.

WITH NO FEELINGS, CRUSHING
HIM.
WHAT KIND OF HORROR IS THIS?

HIM.
WHAT KIND OF HORROR IS THIS?
WHAT KIND OF NIGHTMARE?

WHAT KIND OF HORROR IS THIS?
WHAT KIND OF NIGHTMARE?
WHAT KIND OF MACHINE?

WHAT KIND OF NIGHTMARE?
WHAT KIND OF MACHINE?
Announcer: IT WAS AN

WHAT KIND OF MACHINE?
Announcer: IT WAS AN
ATKINSON HURLEY METAL PRESS,

Announcer: IT WAS AN
ATKINSON HURLEY METAL PRESS,
JANET... 2 1/2 FULL TONS OF

ATKINSON HURLEY METAL PRESS,
JANET... 2 1/2 FULL TONS OF
STEEL-MOLDING AND SHAPING

JANET... 2 1/2 FULL TONS OF
STEEL-MOLDING AND SHAPING
STRENGTH.

STEEL-MOLDING AND SHAPING
STRENGTH.
[LAUGHING]

STRENGTH.
[LAUGHING]
DON PARDO WORKED ON OVER 112

[LAUGHING]
DON PARDO WORKED ON OVER 112
SHOWS FROM 1948 TO 1960,

DON PARDO WORKED ON OVER 112
SHOWS FROM 1948 TO 1960,
INCLUDING "FOUR STAR REVUE,"

SHOWS FROM 1948 TO 1960,
INCLUDING "FOUR STAR REVUE,"
"THE COLGATE COMEDY HOUR," "THE

INCLUDING "FOUR STAR REVUE,"
"THE COLGATE COMEDY HOUR," "THE
PRICE IS RIGHT" AND, OF COURSE,

"THE COLGATE COMEDY HOUR," "THE
PRICE IS RIGHT" AND, OF COURSE,
NBC'S LONG-RUNNING GAME SHOW

PRICE IS RIGHT" AND, OF COURSE,
NBC'S LONG-RUNNING GAME SHOW
"JEOPARDY!"

NBC'S LONG-RUNNING GAME SHOW
"JEOPARDY!"
BUT WHEN TELEVISION MOVED TO

"JEOPARDY!"
BUT WHEN TELEVISION MOVED TO
HOLLYWOOD, DON REFUSED TO GO.

BUT WHEN TELEVISION MOVED TO
HOLLYWOOD, DON REFUSED TO GO.
HE'D BEEN OFFERED THE ROLE OF AN

HOLLYWOOD, DON REFUSED TO GO.
HE'D BEEN OFFERED THE ROLE OF AN
ANNOUNCER ON A NEW COMEDY SHOW

HE'D BEEN OFFERED THE ROLE OF AN
ANNOUNCER ON A NEW COMEDY SHOW
BUT, AS HE SAID AT THE TIME,

ANNOUNCER ON A NEW COMEDY SHOW
BUT, AS HE SAID AT THE TIME,
"WHO WANTS TO SEE A SHOW ABOUT A

BUT, AS HE SAID AT THE TIME,
"WHO WANTS TO SEE A SHOW ABOUT A
CUBAN BANDLEADER AND A CRAZY

"WHO WANTS TO SEE A SHOW ABOUT A
CUBAN BANDLEADER AND A CRAZY
REDHEAD?

CUBAN BANDLEADER AND A CRAZY
REDHEAD?
I DON'T. OR MAYBE I DO."

REDHEAD?
I DON'T. OR MAYBE I DO."
AS IT TURNED OUT, OF COURSE, DON

I DON'T. OR MAYBE I DO."
AS IT TURNED OUT, OF COURSE, DON
WAS WRONG, SORT OF.

AS IT TURNED OUT, OF COURSE, DON
WAS WRONG, SORT OF.
THERE WAS NO WORK IN NEW YORK.

WAS WRONG, SORT OF.
THERE WAS NO WORK IN NEW YORK.
DON WENT THROUGH THE DEPRESSION

THERE WAS NO WORK IN NEW YORK.
DON WENT THROUGH THE DEPRESSION
THAT ALL ARTISTS ARE SUBJECT

DON WENT THROUGH THE DEPRESSION
THAT ALL ARTISTS ARE SUBJECT
TO... HE STARTED FREQUENTING

THAT ALL ARTISTS ARE SUBJECT
TO... HE STARTED FREQUENTING
SLEAZY ANNOUNCER BARS... UNTIL

TO... HE STARTED FREQUENTING
SLEAZY ANNOUNCER BARS... UNTIL
HE HEARD ABOUT A NEW TV SHOW

SLEAZY ANNOUNCER BARS... UNTIL
HE HEARD ABOUT A NEW TV SHOW
JUST STARTING UP IN NEW YORK.

UH, NEXT.

[FOOTSTEPS]

NAME, PLEASE?
Announcer: DON PARDO.
DON PARDO?

Announcer: DON PARDO.
DON PARDO?
IS HE STILL ALIVE?

DON PARDO?
IS HE STILL ALIVE?
WELL, MR. PARDO, AH, I SEE

IS HE STILL ALIVE?
WELL, MR. PARDO, AH, I SEE
YOU'VE BEEN, UH, WORKING FOR THE

WELL, MR. PARDO, AH, I SEE
YOU'VE BEEN, UH, WORKING FOR THE
PHONE COMPANY, DOING SOME

YOU'VE BEEN, UH, WORKING FOR THE
PHONE COMPANY, DOING SOME
RECORDING.

PHONE COMPANY, DOING SOME
RECORDING.
UH, COULD YOU DO SOME OF IT NOW

RECORDING.
UH, COULD YOU DO SOME OF IT NOW
FOR US, PLEASE?

UH, COULD YOU DO SOME OF IT NOW
FOR US, PLEASE?
Announcer: SURE.

FOR US, PLEASE?
Announcer: SURE.
AT THE TONE, THE TIME WILL BE

Announcer: SURE.
AT THE TONE, THE TIME WILL BE
5:36 EXACTLY.

AT THE TONE, THE TIME WILL BE
5:36 EXACTLY.
5:36 AND 10 SECONDS.

5:36 EXACTLY.
5:36 AND 10 SECONDS.
FINE, FINE, FINE, FINE.

5:36 AND 10 SECONDS.
FINE, FINE, FINE, FINE.
UH, I GUESS YOU KNOW, DON,

FINE, FINE, FINE, FINE.
UH, I GUESS YOU KNOW, DON,
WE'RE, UH, DOING A KIND OF A

UH, I GUESS YOU KNOW, DON,
WE'RE, UH, DOING A KIND OF A
YOUNG SHOW.

WE'RE, UH, DOING A KIND OF A
YOUNG SHOW.
WELL, I GUESS THAT RULES ME

YOUNG SHOW.
WELL, I GUESS THAT RULES ME
OUT.

WELL, I GUESS THAT RULES ME
OUT.
NO, THE BRASS AT, UH, NBC IS

OUT.
NO, THE BRASS AT, UH, NBC IS
GONNA CALL ME CRAZY, BUT I'M

NO, THE BRASS AT, UH, NBC IS
GONNA CALL ME CRAZY, BUT I'M
GONNA GIVE YOU A BREAK,

GONNA CALL ME CRAZY, BUT I'M
GONNA GIVE YOU A BREAK,
OLD-TIMER.

GONNA GIVE YOU A BREAK,
OLD-TIMER.
WOULD YOU READ SOME OF THE NAMES

OLD-TIMER.
WOULD YOU READ SOME OF THE NAMES
THAT ARE ON THAT SHEET THERE?

WOULD YOU READ SOME OF THE NAMES
THAT ARE ON THAT SHEET THERE?
Announcer: MM-HMM.

THAT ARE ON THAT SHEET THERE?
Announcer: MM-HMM.
[CLEARS THROAT]

Announcer: MM-HMM.
[CLEARS THROAT]
HILDA RADAR!

[CLEARS THROAT]
HILDA RADAR!
UH, NO, NO, THAT'S

HILDA RADAR!
UH, NO, NO, THAT'S
GILDA RADNER.

UH, NO, NO, THAT'S
GILDA RADNER.
Announcer: OH.

GILDA RADNER.
Announcer: OH.
CHEVROLET CHASE!

Announcer: OH.
CHEVROLET CHASE!
UH, WHY DID YOU SAY

CHEVROLET CHASE!
UH, WHY DID YOU SAY
"CHEVROLET CHASE"?

UH, WHY DID YOU SAY
"CHEVROLET CHASE"?
Announcer: IT'S A COMEDY

"CHEVROLET CHASE"?
Announcer: IT'S A COMEDY
SHOW, ISN'T IT?

Announcer: IT'S A COMEDY
SHOW, ISN'T IT?
RIGHT. WELL, THANK YOU.

SHOW, ISN'T IT?
RIGHT. WELL, THANK YOU.
[FOOTSTEPS DEPART]

RIGHT. WELL, THANK YOU.
[FOOTSTEPS DEPART]
GOT A HUNCH ABOUT HIM.

[FOOTSTEPS DEPART]
GOT A HUNCH ABOUT HIM.
[LAUGHING]

GOT A HUNCH ABOUT HIM.
[LAUGHING]
WELL, THE REST IS HISTORY.

[LAUGHING]
WELL, THE REST IS HISTORY.
DON PARDO IS NOW ENJOYING THE

WELL, THE REST IS HISTORY.
DON PARDO IS NOW ENJOYING THE
RESPECT AND ADMIRATION OF A

DON PARDO IS NOW ENJOYING THE
RESPECT AND ADMIRATION OF A
WHOLE NEW GENERATION OF VIEWERS.

RESPECT AND ADMIRATION OF A
WHOLE NEW GENERATION OF VIEWERS.
AND TONIGHT, DON PARDO, WE

WHOLE NEW GENERATION OF VIEWERS.
AND TONIGHT, DON PARDO, WE
SALUTE YOU.

AND TONIGHT, DON PARDO, WE
SALUTE YOU.
Announcer: THANK YOU, DAN.

SALUTE YOU.
Announcer: THANK YOU, DAN.
I'D LIKE TO JUST SAY ONE THING.

Announcer: THANK YOU, DAN.
I'D LIKE TO JUST SAY ONE THING.
WHAT'S THAT, DON?

I'D LIKE TO JUST SAY ONE THING.
WHAT'S THAT, DON?
Announcer: WE'LL BE RIGHT

WHAT'S THAT, DON?
Announcer: WE'LL BE RIGHT
BLACK.

Announcer: WE'LL BE RIGHT
BLACK.
BUT ANYWAY, I CAN HARDLY

BLACK.
BUT ANYWAY, I CAN HARDLY
BELIEVE THAT IT'S THE LAST DAY

BUT ANYWAY, I CAN HARDLY
BELIEVE THAT IT'S THE LAST DAY
OF JUNIOR HIGH.

BELIEVE THAT IT'S THE LAST DAY
OF JUNIOR HIGH.
I MEAN, THE LAST DAY OF 9th

OF JUNIOR HIGH.
I MEAN, THE LAST DAY OF 9th
GRADE.

I MEAN, THE LAST DAY OF 9th
GRADE.
LIKE, ALL DAY LONG I KEPT

GRADE.
LIKE, ALL DAY LONG I KEPT
THINKING, THIS IS THE LAST TIME

LIKE, ALL DAY LONG I KEPT
THINKING, THIS IS THE LAST TIME
I'LL BE DOING CERTAIN THINGS,

THINKING, THIS IS THE LAST TIME
I'LL BE DOING CERTAIN THINGS,
LIKE, THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'LL

I'LL BE DOING CERTAIN THINGS,
LIKE, THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'LL
GO TO THIS LOCKER.

LIKE, THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'LL
GO TO THIS LOCKER.
THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'LL GET

GO TO THIS LOCKER.
THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'LL GET
UP FROM THIS

THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'LL GET
UP FROM THIS
DESK.

UP FROM THIS
DESK.
THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'LL LOOK

DESK.
THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'LL LOOK
AT THAT CLOCK.

THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'LL LOOK
AT THAT CLOCK.
UNTIL, FINALLY, AT THE END OF

AT THAT CLOCK.
UNTIL, FINALLY, AT THE END OF
THE DAY, I SAID, "THIS IS THE

UNTIL, FINALLY, AT THE END OF
THE DAY, I SAID, "THIS IS THE
LAST TIME I'LL BE THINKING THIS

THE DAY, I SAID, "THIS IS THE
LAST TIME I'LL BE THINKING THIS
IS THE LAST TIME I'LL BE DOING

LAST TIME I'LL BE THINKING THIS
IS THE LAST TIME I'LL BE DOING
SOMETHING."

IS THE LAST TIME I'LL BE DOING
SOMETHING."
YEAH?

SOMETHING."
YEAH?
YEAH, I MEAN, THINKING THINGS

YEAH?
YEAH, I MEAN, THINKING THINGS
LIKE THAT CAN REALLY DRIVE A

YEAH, I MEAN, THINKING THINGS
LIKE THAT CAN REALLY DRIVE A
PERSON CRAZY, YOU KNOW?

LIKE THAT CAN REALLY DRIVE A
PERSON CRAZY, YOU KNOW?
MMM-HMM, MM-HMM.

PERSON CRAZY, YOU KNOW?
MMM-HMM, MM-HMM.
I COULD BE THINKING THAT,

MMM-HMM, MM-HMM.
I COULD BE THINKING THAT,
"THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'LL BE

I COULD BE THINKING THAT,
"THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'LL BE
ABLE TO TALK TO MR. DAVIS AFTER

"THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'LL BE
ABLE TO TALK TO MR. DAVIS AFTER
CLASS... YOU KNOW, AT

ABLE TO TALK TO MR. DAVIS AFTER
CLASS... YOU KNOW, AT
SCHOOL... LIKE I'VE DONE EVERY

CLASS... YOU KNOW, AT
SCHOOL... LIKE I'VE DONE EVERY
DAY FOR A YEAR."

SCHOOL... LIKE I'VE DONE EVERY
DAY FOR A YEAR."
BUT I'M NOT, SO I'M NOT GONNA

DAY FOR A YEAR."
BUT I'M NOT, SO I'M NOT GONNA
GET DRIVEN CRAZY, YOU KNOW?

BUT I'M NOT, SO I'M NOT GONNA
GET DRIVEN CRAZY, YOU KNOW?
YOU'RE LEANING ON MY

GET DRIVEN CRAZY, YOU KNOW?
YOU'RE LEANING ON MY
ATTENDANCE FORMS.

YOU'RE LEANING ON MY
ATTENDANCE FORMS.
OH, YEAH.

ATTENDANCE FORMS.
OH, YEAH.
THANKS.

OH, YEAH.
THANKS.
ANYWAY, I'M NOT THINKING

THANKS.
ANYWAY, I'M NOT THINKING
ABOUT THAT, SO, I'M NOT

ANYWAY, I'M NOT THINKING
ABOUT THAT, SO, I'M NOT
THINKING ABOUT THIS MAY VERY

ABOUT THAT, SO, I'M NOT
THINKING ABOUT THIS MAY VERY
WELL BE THE LAST TIME I'LL BE

THINKING ABOUT THIS MAY VERY
WELL BE THE LAST TIME I'LL BE
ABLE TO COME INTO YOUR CLASS

WELL BE THE LAST TIME I'LL BE
ABLE TO COME INTO YOUR CLASS
AND TALK TO YOU.

ABLE TO COME INTO YOUR CLASS
AND TALK TO YOU.
WHAT ARE YOU THINKING

AND TALK TO YOU.
WHAT ARE YOU THINKING
ABOUT?

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING
ABOUT?
WELL, I'M THINKING ABOUT, IF

ABOUT?
WELL, I'M THINKING ABOUT, IF
I KIND OF SQUINT MY EYES AND

WELL, I'M THINKING ABOUT, IF
I KIND OF SQUINT MY EYES AND
MAKE EVERYTHING KIND OF BLURRY,

I KIND OF SQUINT MY EYES AND
MAKE EVERYTHING KIND OF BLURRY,
YOU LOOK LIKE PETER FRAMPTON

MAKE EVERYTHING KIND OF BLURRY,
YOU LOOK LIKE PETER FRAMPTON
WITH SHORT HAIR.

YOU LOOK LIKE PETER FRAMPTON
WITH SHORT HAIR.
OH, REALLY?

WITH SHORT HAIR.
OH, REALLY?
YEAH.

OH, REALLY?
YEAH.
BUT I'M NOT THINKING ABOUT HOW

YEAH.
BUT I'M NOT THINKING ABOUT HOW
I'M NEVER AGAIN... PROBABLY

BUT I'M NOT THINKING ABOUT HOW
I'M NEVER AGAIN... PROBABLY
NEVER AGAIN... GONNA GET TO COME

I'M NEVER AGAIN... PROBABLY
NEVER AGAIN... GONNA GET TO COME
INTO YOUR ROOM AFTER SCHOOL AND

NEVER AGAIN... GONNA GET TO COME
INTO YOUR ROOM AFTER SCHOOL AND
TALK TO YOU ABOUT LIFE.

INTO YOUR ROOM AFTER SCHOOL AND
TALK TO YOU ABOUT LIFE.
WELL, YOU'LL HAVE OTHER

TALK TO YOU ABOUT LIFE.
WELL, YOU'LL HAVE OTHER
PEOPLE TO TALK ABOUT

WELL, YOU'LL HAVE OTHER
PEOPLE TO TALK ABOUT
LIFE WITH, WON'T YOU?

PEOPLE TO TALK ABOUT
LIFE WITH, WON'T YOU?
OH, THE OTHER PEOPLE I KNOW

LIFE WITH, WON'T YOU?
OH, THE OTHER PEOPLE I KNOW
DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT LIFE.

OH, THE OTHER PEOPLE I KNOW
DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT LIFE.
THEY THINK THAT LIFE IS BORING.

DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT LIFE.
THEY THINK THAT LIFE IS BORING.
OH, REALLY?

THEY THINK THAT LIFE IS BORING.
OH, REALLY?
YEAH, BUT I THINK THAT LIFE

OH, REALLY?
YEAH, BUT I THINK THAT LIFE
IS REALLY INTERESTING, BECAUSE,

YEAH, BUT I THINK THAT LIFE
IS REALLY INTERESTING, BECAUSE,
AFTER ALL, THE MOST IMPORTANT

IS REALLY INTERESTING, BECAUSE,
AFTER ALL, THE MOST IMPORTANT
THING IN LIFE IS LIFE.

AFTER ALL, THE MOST IMPORTANT
THING IN LIFE IS LIFE.
RIGHT.

THING IN LIFE IS LIFE.
RIGHT.
YEAH.

RIGHT.
YEAH.
BUT NOW THAT I WON'T SEE YOU

YEAH.
BUT NOW THAT I WON'T SEE YOU
AGAIN, I'LL JUST HAVE TO GET OUT

BUT NOW THAT I WON'T SEE YOU
AGAIN, I'LL JUST HAVE TO GET OUT
OF THE HABIT OF TALKING ABOUT

AGAIN, I'LL JUST HAVE TO GET OUT
OF THE HABIT OF TALKING ABOUT
IT.

OF THE HABIT OF TALKING ABOUT
IT.
WELL...

IT.
WELL...
I'LL MISS IT.

WELL...
I'LL MISS IT.
JODIE, UH...

I'LL MISS IT.
JODIE, UH...
I MISS IT ALREADY.

JODIE, UH...
I MISS IT ALREADY.
JODIE, I REALLY HAVE TO GET

I MISS IT ALREADY.
JODIE, I REALLY HAVE TO GET
OUT OF HERE, YOU KNOW?

JODIE, I REALLY HAVE TO GET
OUT OF HERE, YOU KNOW?
GOOD OLD LIFE.

OUT OF HERE, YOU KNOW?
GOOD OLD LIFE.
YEAH.

GOOD OLD LIFE.
YEAH.
YEAH.

YEAH.
YEAH.
MR. DAVIS, BEFORE YOU GO OUT, I

YEAH.
MR. DAVIS, BEFORE YOU GO OUT, I
ALSO WANTED TO TELL YOU I

MR. DAVIS, BEFORE YOU GO OUT, I
ALSO WANTED TO TELL YOU I
THOUGHT THAT WAS REALLY FUNNY

ALSO WANTED TO TELL YOU I
THOUGHT THAT WAS REALLY FUNNY
WHEN YOU STUCK THAT RULER IN

THOUGHT THAT WAS REALLY FUNNY
WHEN YOU STUCK THAT RULER IN
YOUR EAR TODAY.

WHEN YOU STUCK THAT RULER IN
YOUR EAR TODAY.
OH? THANKS A LOT.

YOUR EAR TODAY.
OH? THANKS A LOT.
YEAH, I KNOW A LOT OF PEOPLE

OH? THANKS A LOT.
YEAH, I KNOW A LOT OF PEOPLE
DIDN'T LAUGH.

YEAH, I KNOW A LOT OF PEOPLE
DIDN'T LAUGH.
BUT I THINK THAT THEY DON'T

DIDN'T LAUGH.
BUT I THINK THAT THEY DON'T
UNDERSTAND YOU LIKE I DO.

BUT I THINK THAT THEY DON'T
UNDERSTAND YOU LIKE I DO.
THEY DON'T APPRECIATE YOUR SENSE

UNDERSTAND YOU LIKE I DO.
THEY DON'T APPRECIATE YOUR SENSE
OF HUMOR LIKE I DO.

THEY DON'T APPRECIATE YOUR SENSE
OF HUMOR LIKE I DO.
OH.

OF HUMOR LIKE I DO.
OH.
YEAH, LIKE, A LOT OF PEOPLE

OH.
YEAH, LIKE, A LOT OF PEOPLE
CAN GO UP, BANG, STICK A RULER

YEAH, LIKE, A LOT OF PEOPLE
CAN GO UP, BANG, STICK A RULER
IN THEIR EAR, WHO CARES, YOU

CAN GO UP, BANG, STICK A RULER
IN THEIR EAR, WHO CARES, YOU
KNOW?

IN THEIR EAR, WHO CARES, YOU
KNOW?
NOBODY CLAPS.

KNOW?
NOBODY CLAPS.
BUT, YOU, WHO I PERSONALLY

NOBODY CLAPS.
BUT, YOU, WHO I PERSONALLY
KNOW CARES DEEPLY ABOUT LIFE...

BUT, YOU, WHO I PERSONALLY
KNOW CARES DEEPLY ABOUT LIFE...
WELL, WHEN YOU STICK A RULER IN

KNOW CARES DEEPLY ABOUT LIFE...
WELL, WHEN YOU STICK A RULER IN
YOUR EAR, IT'S FUNNY.

WELL, WHEN YOU STICK A RULER IN
YOUR EAR, IT'S FUNNY.
JODIE, YOU'VE BEEN A TERRIFIC

YOUR EAR, IT'S FUNNY.
JODIE, YOU'VE BEEN A TERRIFIC
STUDENT.

JODIE, YOU'VE BEEN A TERRIFIC
STUDENT.
LISTEN, I ALSO WANTED TO TELL

STUDENT.
LISTEN, I ALSO WANTED TO TELL
YOU THAT YOU'RE MY FAVORITE

LISTEN, I ALSO WANTED TO TELL
YOU THAT YOU'RE MY FAVORITE
TEACHER I EVER HAD, BY THE WAY.

YOU THAT YOU'RE MY FAVORITE
TEACHER I EVER HAD, BY THE WAY.
WELL, THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU

TEACHER I EVER HAD, BY THE WAY.
WELL, THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU
TO SAY.

WELL, THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU
TO SAY.
YEAH, 'CAUSE YOU'RE THE KIND OF

TO SAY.
YEAH, 'CAUSE YOU'RE THE KIND OF
TEACHER THAT ACTS KIND OF

YEAH, 'CAUSE YOU'RE THE KIND OF
TEACHER THAT ACTS KIND OF
REGULAR, YOU KNOW... DOESN'T

TEACHER THAT ACTS KIND OF
REGULAR, YOU KNOW... DOESN'T
ACT REAL TEACHERISH.

REGULAR, YOU KNOW... DOESN'T
ACT REAL TEACHERISH.
PLUS, LIKE, I HEARD YOU SAY

ACT REAL TEACHERISH.
PLUS, LIKE, I HEARD YOU SAY
"DAMN" IN THE SUPPLY CLOSET

PLUS, LIKE, I HEARD YOU SAY
"DAMN" IN THE SUPPLY CLOSET
THE OTHER DAY.

"DAMN" IN THE SUPPLY CLOSET
THE OTHER DAY.
BUT DON'T WORRY, I WON'T TELL

THE OTHER DAY.
BUT DON'T WORRY, I WON'T TELL
ANYBODY.

BUT DON'T WORRY, I WON'T TELL
ANYBODY.
WHEN I HEARD YOU SAY "DAMN,"

ANYBODY.
WHEN I HEARD YOU SAY "DAMN,"
I KNEW THAT I COULD BE FRANK

WHEN I HEARD YOU SAY "DAMN,"
I KNEW THAT I COULD BE FRANK
WITH YOU ABOUT LIFE AND STUFF.

I KNEW THAT I COULD BE FRANK
WITH YOU ABOUT LIFE AND STUFF.
WELL, THANKS VERY MUCH.

WITH YOU ABOUT LIFE AND STUFF.
WELL, THANKS VERY MUCH.
YEAH.

WELL, THANKS VERY MUCH.
YEAH.
PLUS, I WROTE THIS POEM IN

YEAH.
PLUS, I WROTE THIS POEM IN
5th-PERIOD STUDY HALL WHEN I

PLUS, I WROTE THIS POEM IN
5th-PERIOD STUDY HALL WHEN I
GOT SICK OF SIGNING YEARBOOKS,

5th-PERIOD STUDY HALL WHEN I
GOT SICK OF SIGNING YEARBOOKS,
'CAUSE I CAN NEVER GET MY

GOT SICK OF SIGNING YEARBOOKS,
'CAUSE I CAN NEVER GET MY
SIGNATURE THE SAME WAY TWICE.

'CAUSE I CAN NEVER GET MY
SIGNATURE THE SAME WAY TWICE.
IT'S ABOUT YOU.

SIGNATURE THE SAME WAY TWICE.
IT'S ABOUT YOU.
YOU CAN TELL BY THE TITLE.

IT'S ABOUT YOU.
YOU CAN TELL BY THE TITLE.
IT'S CALLED "MR. DAVIS."

YOU CAN TELL BY THE TITLE.
IT'S CALLED "MR. DAVIS."
IT'S ABOUT YOU BEING A BIOLOGY

IT'S CALLED "MR. DAVIS."
IT'S ABOUT YOU BEING A BIOLOGY
TEACHER AND EVERYTHING.

IT'S ABOUT YOU BEING A BIOLOGY
TEACHER AND EVERYTHING.
AND A PERSON.

TEACHER AND EVERYTHING.
AND A PERSON.
OKAY.

AND A PERSON.
OKAY.
"LIKES FROGS, LIKES SNAKES,

OKAY.
"LIKES FROGS, LIKES SNAKES,
DOESN'T LIKE PAINS, DOESN'T LIKE

"LIKES FROGS, LIKES SNAKES,
DOESN'T LIKE PAINS, DOESN'T LIKE
ACHES."

DOESN'T LIKE PAINS, DOESN'T LIKE
ACHES."
OH, WELL, I'M REALLY SORRY.

ACHES."
OH, WELL, I'M REALLY SORRY.
I MEAN, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT YOU

OH, WELL, I'M REALLY SORRY.
I MEAN, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT YOU
DIDN'T LIKE PAINS OR ACHES.

I MEAN, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT YOU
DIDN'T LIKE PAINS OR ACHES.
I MEAN, FOR ALL I KNOW, YOU'RE

DIDN'T LIKE PAINS OR ACHES.
I MEAN, FOR ALL I KNOW, YOU'RE
CRAZY ABOUT PAINS AND ACHES.

I MEAN, FOR ALL I KNOW, YOU'RE
CRAZY ABOUT PAINS AND ACHES.
BUT I JUST FIGURED, FROM KNOWING

CRAZY ABOUT PAINS AND ACHES.
BUT I JUST FIGURED, FROM KNOWING
YOU AS A PERSON, THAT YOU DIDN'T

BUT I JUST FIGURED, FROM KNOWING
YOU AS A PERSON, THAT YOU DIDN'T
LIKE THEM.

YOU AS A PERSON, THAT YOU DIDN'T
LIKE THEM.
IS THAT TRUE?

LIKE THEM.
IS THAT TRUE?
WELL, YEAH, THAT'S TRUE.

IS THAT TRUE?
WELL, YEAH, THAT'S TRUE.
"LIKES BUGS, GERMS, TOO.

WELL, YEAH, THAT'S TRUE.
"LIKES BUGS, GERMS, TOO.
AND WHEN THEY DIE, HE GOES

"LIKES BUGS, GERMS, TOO.
AND WHEN THEY DIE, HE GOES
'BOO-HOO.'"

AND WHEN THEY DIE, HE GOES
'BOO-HOO.'"
OH, LISTEN, I REALLY DIDN'T

'BOO-HOO.'"
OH, LISTEN, I REALLY DIDN'T
MEAN THAT YOU SAID "BOO-HOO" OR

OH, LISTEN, I REALLY DIDN'T
MEAN THAT YOU SAID "BOO-HOO" OR
ANYTHING.

MEAN THAT YOU SAID "BOO-HOO" OR
ANYTHING.
WHAT I REALLY MEANT WAS THAT YOU

ANYTHING.
WHAT I REALLY MEANT WAS THAT YOU
WERE REALLY SAD, BUT SAD DIDN'T

WHAT I REALLY MEANT WAS THAT YOU
WERE REALLY SAD, BUT SAD DIDN'T
RHYME.

WERE REALLY SAD, BUT SAD DIDN'T
RHYME.
DON'T WORRY, DON'T WORRY, I'VE

RHYME.
DON'T WORRY, DON'T WORRY, I'VE
NEVER HEARD YOU GO "BOO-HOO."

DON'T WORRY, DON'T WORRY, I'VE
NEVER HEARD YOU GO "BOO-HOO."
I WON'T TELL ANYONE.

NEVER HEARD YOU GO "BOO-HOO."
I WON'T TELL ANYONE.
SAD BECAUSE GERMS DIED?

I WON'T TELL ANYONE.
SAD BECAUSE GERMS DIED?
YES.

SAD BECAUSE GERMS DIED?
YES.
"IS MARRIED, HAS KIDS, BUT

YES.
"IS MARRIED, HAS KIDS, BUT
FOR CERTAIN PEOPLE, MAKES THEM

"IS MARRIED, HAS KIDS, BUT
FOR CERTAIN PEOPLE, MAKES THEM
FLIP THEIR LIDS."

FOR CERTAIN PEOPLE, MAKES THEM
FLIP THEIR LIDS."
"CERTAIN PEOPLE" HERE IS

FLIP THEIR LIDS."
"CERTAIN PEOPLE" HERE IS
UNDERLINED.

"CERTAIN PEOPLE" HERE IS
UNDERLINED.
YEAH, WELL..PRETTY STRAIGHT

UNDERLINED.
YEAH, WELL..PRETTY STRAIGHT
LINE FOR NO RULER, HUH?

YEAH, WELL..PRETTY STRAIGHT
LINE FOR NO RULER, HUH?
AND IT'S GOT A LOT OF BIG RED

LINE FOR NO RULER, HUH?
AND IT'S GOT A LOT OF BIG RED
STARS AROUND IT.

AND IT'S GOT A LOT OF BIG RED
STARS AROUND IT.
OH, WELL, YOU KNOW ME.

STARS AROUND IT.
OH, WELL, YOU KNOW ME.
WHEN I GET A RED FELT-TIP...

OH, WELL, YOU KNOW ME.
WHEN I GET A RED FELT-TIP...
FELT-TIP... FELT-TIP PEN... WHEN

WHEN I GET A RED FELT-TIP...
FELT-TIP... FELT-TIP PEN... WHEN
I GET IT IN MY HAND, I JUST GET

FELT-TIP... FELT-TIP PEN... WHEN
I GET IT IN MY HAND, I JUST GET
CARRIED AWAY LIKE I JUST DID

I GET IT IN MY HAND, I JUST GET
CARRIED AWAY LIKE I JUST DID
NOW.

CARRIED AWAY LIKE I JUST DID
NOW.
A LOT OF ARROWS HERE, TOO.

NOW.
A LOT OF ARROWS HERE, TOO.
YEAH, WELL, ONLY FIVE ARROWS.

A LOT OF ARROWS HERE, TOO.
YEAH, WELL, ONLY FIVE ARROWS.
I WOULDN'T CALL FIVE ARROWS A

YEAH, WELL, ONLY FIVE ARROWS.
I WOULDN'T CALL FIVE ARROWS A
LOT OF ARROWS.

I WOULDN'T CALL FIVE ARROWS A
LOT OF ARROWS.
WELL, THANK YOU, JODIE.

LOT OF ARROWS.
WELL, THANK YOU, JODIE.
I'D CALL TEN ARROWS A LOT

WELL, THANK YOU, JODIE.
I'D CALL TEN ARROWS A LOT
OF ARROWS, BUT FIVE ARROWS IS

I'D CALL TEN ARROWS A LOT
OF ARROWS, BUT FIVE ARROWS IS
DEFINITELY NOT A LOT OF ARROWS.

OF ARROWS, BUT FIVE ARROWS IS
DEFINITELY NOT A LOT OF ARROWS.
BYE, JODIE.

DEFINITELY NOT A LOT OF ARROWS.
BYE, JODIE.
GOODBYE, REGIS.

BYE, JODIE.
GOODBYE, REGIS.
OH, I'M SORRY, I JUST

GOODBYE, REGIS.
OH, I'M SORRY, I JUST
WANTED TO SAY THAT ONCE BEFORE

OH, I'M SORRY, I JUST
WANTED TO SAY THAT ONCE BEFORE
WE LEFT, YOU KNOW?

WANTED TO SAY THAT ONCE BEFORE
WE LEFT, YOU KNOW?
CAN I WRITE YOU OVER THE SUMMER?

WE LEFT, YOU KNOW?
CAN I WRITE YOU OVER THE SUMMER?
SURE.

CAN I WRITE YOU OVER THE SUMMER?
SURE.
YEAH, YEAH, RIGHT.

SURE.
YEAH, YEAH, RIGHT.
I'LL WRITE YOU OVER THE SUMMER.

YEAH, YEAH, RIGHT.
I'LL WRITE YOU OVER THE SUMMER.
OKAY.

I'LL WRITE YOU OVER THE SUMMER.
OKAY.
IT'LL GIVE ME A CHANCE TO

OKAY.
IT'LL GIVE ME A CHANCE TO
PRACTICE MY SIGNATURE.

IT'LL GIVE ME A CHANCE TO
PRACTICE MY SIGNATURE.
ALL RIGHT.

PRACTICE MY SIGNATURE.
ALL RIGHT.
MAYBE I CAN GET IT THE SAME

ALL RIGHT.
MAYBE I CAN GET IT THE SAME
WAY TWICE.

HI, IT'S ME, GILDA.
I WAS JUST ON MY WAY HOME, AND
THEY STOPPED ME AND THEY SAID

I WAS JUST ON MY WAY HOME, AND
THEY STOPPED ME AND THEY SAID
EVERYONE ELSE WAS REALLY BUSY,

THEY STOPPED ME AND THEY SAID
EVERYONE ELSE WAS REALLY BUSY,
BUT THEY NEEDED SOMEONE TO

EVERYONE ELSE WAS REALLY BUSY,
BUT THEY NEEDED SOMEONE TO
INTRODUCE GARY WEIS' FILM.

BUT THEY NEEDED SOMEONE TO
INTRODUCE GARY WEIS' FILM.
SO, HERE'S THIS WEEK'S FILM BY

INTRODUCE GARY WEIS' FILM.
SO, HERE'S THIS WEEK'S FILM BY
GARY WEIS.

SO, HERE'S THIS WEEK'S FILM BY
GARY WEIS.
[LAUGHTER]

GARY WEIS.
[LAUGHTER]
I DREAM ABOUT I WAS ON A

[LAUGHTER]
I DREAM ABOUT I WAS ON A
DINOSAUR HEAD.

I DREAM ABOUT I WAS ON A
DINOSAUR HEAD.
HE WAS VERY FRIENDLY.

DINOSAUR HEAD.
HE WAS VERY FRIENDLY.
I DREAM OF BATMAN AND ROBIN.

HE WAS VERY FRIENDLY.
I DREAM OF BATMAN AND ROBIN.
WHAT DO THEY DO?

I DREAM OF BATMAN AND ROBIN.
WHAT DO THEY DO?
THEY FIGHT THE JOKER.

WHAT DO THEY DO?
THEY FIGHT THE JOKER.
THEY FIGHT THE JOKER?

THEY FIGHT THE JOKER.
THEY FIGHT THE JOKER?
YEAH.

THEY FIGHT THE JOKER?
YEAH.
WHAT ELSE DO THEY DO?

YEAH.
WHAT ELSE DO THEY DO?
THEY GO THE JOKER'S HOUSE AND

WHAT ELSE DO THEY DO?
THEY GO THE JOKER'S HOUSE AND
EVERYTHING.

THEY GO THE JOKER'S HOUSE AND
EVERYTHING.
WHAT DO THEY DO IN THE

EVERYTHING.
WHAT DO THEY DO IN THE
JOKER'S HOUSE?

WHAT DO THEY DO IN THE
JOKER'S HOUSE?
AND THEN THEY GO "BANG,

JOKER'S HOUSE?
AND THEN THEY GO "BANG,
FIGHT, POW."

AND THEN THEY GO "BANG,
FIGHT, POW."
DO YOU EVER HAVE ANY SCARY

FIGHT, POW."
DO YOU EVER HAVE ANY SCARY
DREAMS?

DO YOU EVER HAVE ANY SCARY
DREAMS?
YOU DREAM ABOUT ME?

DREAMS?
YOU DREAM ABOUT ME?
I-I-I'M THINKING ABOUT ONE.

YOU DREAM ABOUT ME?
I-I-I'M THINKING ABOUT ONE.
NO.

I-I-I'M THINKING ABOUT ONE.
NO.
DO YOU DREAM ABOUT MONSTERS,

NO.
DO YOU DREAM ABOUT MONSTERS,
TOO?

DO YOU DREAM ABOUT MONSTERS,
TOO?
SOMETIMES I DO.

TOO?
SOMETIMES I DO.
WHAT DO THEY LOOK LIKE?

SOMETIMES I DO.
WHAT DO THEY LOOK LIKE?
I DON'T KNOW.

WHAT DO THEY LOOK LIKE?
I DON'T KNOW.
WHAT DO YOUR MONSTERS DO IN

I DON'T KNOW.
WHAT DO YOUR MONSTERS DO IN
YOUR DREAMS?

WHAT DO YOUR MONSTERS DO IN
YOUR DREAMS?
THEY'RE JUST STANDING UP AND

YOUR DREAMS?
THEY'RE JUST STANDING UP AND
SCARE ME AWAY.

THEY'RE JUST STANDING UP AND
SCARE ME AWAY.
THEY SCARE YOU AWAY?

SCARE ME AWAY.
THEY SCARE YOU AWAY?
HOW DO THEY SCARE YOU?

THEY SCARE YOU AWAY?
HOW DO THEY SCARE YOU?
WALKING AROUND.

HOW DO THEY SCARE YOU?
WALKING AROUND.
THEY WALK AROUND?

WALKING AROUND.
THEY WALK AROUND?
HOW ARE THEY WALKING?

THEY WALK AROUND?
HOW ARE THEY WALKING?
LIKE THIS.

HOW ARE THEY WALKING?
LIKE THIS.
I WAKE UP, LET THE MONSTER

LIKE THIS.
I WAKE UP, LET THE MONSTER
SLEEP WITH ME.

I WAKE UP, LET THE MONSTER
SLEEP WITH ME.
BATMAN'S NOT A MONSTER.

SLEEP WITH ME.
BATMAN'S NOT A MONSTER.
BATMAN IS A FRIENDLY MAN.

BATMAN'S NOT A MONSTER.
BATMAN IS A FRIENDLY MAN.
UM, ONE FIRE, TWO FIRE, THREE

BATMAN IS A FRIENDLY MAN.
UM, ONE FIRE, TWO FIRE, THREE
FIRE, FOUR FIRE, FIVE FIRE, SIX

UM, ONE FIRE, TWO FIRE, THREE
FIRE, FOUR FIRE, FIVE FIRE, SIX
FIRE.

FIRE, FOUR FIRE, FIVE FIRE, SIX
FIRE.
SHE COULD DO A VERY SILLY,

FIRE.
SHE COULD DO A VERY SILLY,
RIDICULOUS TRICK.

SHE COULD DO A VERY SILLY,
RIDICULOUS TRICK.
SHE COULD JUMP UP AND TOUCH A

RIDICULOUS TRICK.
SHE COULD JUMP UP AND TOUCH A
CLOUD.

SHE COULD JUMP UP AND TOUCH A
CLOUD.
AND THEN SHE COULD... FROM

CLOUD.
AND THEN SHE COULD... FROM
NEW YORK... FROM NEW YORK...

AND THEN SHE COULD... FROM
NEW YORK... FROM NEW YORK...
FROM LONDON, SHE COULD TAKE HER

NEW YORK... FROM NEW YORK...
FROM LONDON, SHE COULD TAKE HER
HAND ALL THE WAY FROM NEW YORK

FROM LONDON, SHE COULD TAKE HER
HAND ALL THE WAY FROM NEW YORK
FROM LONDON.

HAND ALL THE WAY FROM NEW YORK
FROM LONDON.
SOMETIMES, I, UM...

FROM LONDON.
SOMETIMES, I, UM...
UM, UM, UM, UM, UM, UM, UM...

SOMETIMES, I, UM...
UM, UM, UM, UM, UM, UM, UM...
I JUST DON'T KNOW.

[SOMBER MUSIC PLAYS]

♪ KING KONG ♪
♪ IS LOOKING FOR FAY WRAY
AGAIN ♪

♪ IS LOOKING FOR FAY WRAY
AGAIN ♪
♪ KING KONG ♪

AGAIN ♪
♪ KING KONG ♪
♪ IS COMING DOWN BROADWAY

♪ KING KONG ♪
♪ IS COMING DOWN BROADWAY
AGAIN ♪

♪ IS COMING DOWN BROADWAY
AGAIN ♪
♪ NO NEED TO BE ALARMED, FOLKS ♪

AGAIN ♪
♪ NO NEED TO BE ALARMED, FOLKS ♪
♪ NO MATTER HOW HE STRAINS ♪

♪ NO NEED TO BE ALARMED, FOLKS ♪
♪ NO MATTER HOW HE STRAINS ♪
♪ THIS GIANT APE CANNOT ESCAPE ♪

♪ NO MATTER HOW HE STRAINS ♪
♪ THIS GIANT APE CANNOT ESCAPE ♪
♪ WE'VE LOCKED HIM UP IN

♪ THIS GIANT APE CANNOT ESCAPE ♪
♪ WE'VE LOCKED HIM UP IN
CHAINS ♪

♪ WE'VE LOCKED HIM UP IN
CHAINS ♪
♪ KING KONG ♪

CHAINS ♪
♪ KING KONG ♪
♪ IS KNOCKING AT THE GATE

♪ KING KONG ♪
♪ IS KNOCKING AT THE GATE
AGAIN ♪

♪ IS KNOCKING AT THE GATE
AGAIN ♪
♪ KING KONG ♪

AGAIN ♪
♪ KING KONG ♪
♪ IS ON THE EMPIRE STATE AGAIN ♪

♪ KING KONG ♪
♪ IS ON THE EMPIRE STATE AGAIN ♪
♪ WE FOUND HIM ON AN ISLAND

♪ IS ON THE EMPIRE STATE AGAIN ♪
♪ WE FOUND HIM ON AN ISLAND
NOT SHOWN ON ANY CHART ♪

♪ WE FOUND HIM ON AN ISLAND
NOT SHOWN ON ANY CHART ♪
TO TEACH HIM FEAR, WE'LL BRING

NOT SHOWN ON ANY CHART ♪
TO TEACH HIM FEAR, WE'LL BRING
HIM HERE AND SHOOT HIM IN THE

TO TEACH HIM FEAR, WE'LL BRING
HIM HERE AND SHOOT HIM IN THE
HEART ♪

HIM HERE AND SHOOT HIM IN THE
HEART ♪
♪ KING KONG ♪

HEART ♪
♪ KING KONG ♪
♪ IS FALLING THROUGH THE AIR

♪ KING KONG ♪
♪ IS FALLING THROUGH THE AIR
AGAIN ♪

♪ IS FALLING THROUGH THE AIR
AGAIN ♪
♪ KING KONG ♪

AGAIN ♪
♪ KING KONG ♪
♪ IS LANDING IN TIMES SQUARE

♪ KING KONG ♪
♪ IS LANDING IN TIMES SQUARE
AGAIN ♪

♪ IS LANDING IN TIMES SQUARE
AGAIN ♪
♪ WE'LL FLY THE FLAG AT

AGAIN ♪
♪ WE'LL FLY THE FLAG AT
HALF-MAST AND BEAT THE

♪ WE'LL FLY THE FLAG AT
HALF-MAST AND BEAT THE
MUFFLED DRUMS WITHOUT A THRILL

HALF-MAST AND BEAT THE
MUFFLED DRUMS WITHOUT A THRILL
OR SCREAM UNTIL THE SON OF

MUFFLED DRUMS WITHOUT A THRILL
OR SCREAM UNTIL THE SON OF
KING KONG COMES ♪

OR SCREAM UNTIL THE SON OF
KING KONG COMES ♪
♪ THE SON OF KING KONG COMES ♪

KING KONG COMES ♪
♪ THE SON OF KING KONG COMES ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

BUT... BUT WHAT COULD BE THAT
AWFUL THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN SAY
IT?

AWFUL THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN SAY
IT?
WELL, IT'S JUST THAT YOU'VE

IT?
WELL, IT'S JUST THAT YOU'VE
ALWAYS TRUSTED ME.

WELL, IT'S JUST THAT YOU'VE
ALWAYS TRUSTED ME.
MARRIED SIX YEARS, AND YOU'VE

ALWAYS TRUSTED ME.
MARRIED SIX YEARS, AND YOU'VE
NEVER HAD ANY REASON TO DOUBT

MARRIED SIX YEARS, AND YOU'VE
NEVER HAD ANY REASON TO DOUBT
ME.

NEVER HAD ANY REASON TO DOUBT
ME.
OH, GOD.

ME.
OH, GOD.
FOR GOD'S SAKE, JUST SAY IT,

OH, GOD.
FOR GOD'S SAKE, JUST SAY IT,
WILL YOU?

FOR GOD'S SAKE, JUST SAY IT,
WILL YOU?
JUST SAY IT.

WILL YOU?
JUST SAY IT.
OKAY.

JUST SAY IT.
OKAY.
IT IS 1976, AND WE'RE BOTH

OKAY.
IT IS 1976, AND WE'RE BOTH
MODERN PEOPLE.

IT IS 1976, AND WE'RE BOTH
MODERN PEOPLE.
PLEASE.

MODERN PEOPLE.
PLEASE.
RICHARD, NOTHING'S GONNA

PLEASE.
RICHARD, NOTHING'S GONNA
CHANGE.

RICHARD, NOTHING'S GONNA
CHANGE.
I'M STILL GONNA BE THE SAME

CHANGE.
I'M STILL GONNA BE THE SAME
WOMAN I WAS.

I'M STILL GONNA BE THE SAME
WOMAN I WAS.
WHAT IS IT?

WOMAN I WAS.
WHAT IS IT?
I'M NOT BLACK.

WHAT IS IT?
I'M NOT BLACK.
WHAT?

I'M NOT BLACK.
WHAT?
I'M NOT BLACK!

WHAT?
I'M NOT BLACK!
BUT... BUT THE VERY FIRST

I'M NOT BLACK!
BUT... BUT THE VERY FIRST
NIGHT WE MET, YOUR FIRST WORDS

BUT... BUT THE VERY FIRST
NIGHT WE MET, YOUR FIRST WORDS
TO ME... "BOY, IT'S SURE FUN

NIGHT WE MET, YOUR FIRST WORDS
TO ME... "BOY, IT'S SURE FUN
BEING NEGRO."

TO ME... "BOY, IT'S SURE FUN
BEING NEGRO."
SO I SAID IT. SO WHAT?

BEING NEGRO."
SO I SAID IT. SO WHAT?
NOBODY MEANS WHAT THEY SAY IN

SO I SAID IT. SO WHAT?
NOBODY MEANS WHAT THEY SAY IN
THOSE SINGLES BARS.

NOBODY MEANS WHAT THEY SAY IN
THOSE SINGLES BARS.
BUT WHAT ABOUT ALL THAT STUFF

THOSE SINGLES BARS.
BUT WHAT ABOUT ALL THAT STUFF
ABOUT HOW YOU'RE CONSTANTLY

BUT WHAT ABOUT ALL THAT STUFF
ABOUT HOW YOU'RE CONSTANTLY
BEING MISTAKEN FOR DIANA ROSS?

ABOUT HOW YOU'RE CONSTANTLY
BEING MISTAKEN FOR DIANA ROSS?
YOU AGREED WITH ME.

BEING MISTAKEN FOR DIANA ROSS?
YOU AGREED WITH ME.
YOU EVEN SAID I HAD TO GAIN

YOU AGREED WITH ME.
YOU EVEN SAID I HAD TO GAIN
WEIGHT.

YOU EVEN SAID I HAD TO GAIN
WEIGHT.
AND I GUESS YOUR REAL NAME

WEIGHT.
AND I GUESS YOUR REAL NAME
REALLY ISN'T JEMIMA, IS IT?

AND I GUESS YOUR REAL NAME
REALLY ISN'T JEMIMA, IS IT?
THAT PART WAS TRUE.

REALLY ISN'T JEMIMA, IS IT?
THAT PART WAS TRUE.
WELL, THANKS FOR THE INFO.

THAT PART WAS TRUE.
WELL, THANKS FOR THE INFO.
YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU'RE MARRIED TO

WELL, THANKS FOR THE INFO.
YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU'RE MARRIED TO
SOMEONE, IT'S ALWAYS NICE TO

YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU'RE MARRIED TO
SOMEONE, IT'S ALWAYS NICE TO
KNOW THEIR NAME.

SOMEONE, IT'S ALWAYS NICE TO
KNOW THEIR NAME.
YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY.

KNOW THEIR NAME.
YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY.
I NEVER THOUGHT I'D HAVE TO TELL

YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY.
I NEVER THOUGHT I'D HAVE TO TELL
YOU.

I NEVER THOUGHT I'D HAVE TO TELL
YOU.
I ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU KNEW,

YOU.
I ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU KNEW,
SOMEHOW.

I ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU KNEW,
SOMEHOW.
WELL, HOW COULD I?

SOMEHOW.
WELL, HOW COULD I?
YOU KEPT IT SO WELL HIDDEN.

WELL, HOW COULD I?
YOU KEPT IT SO WELL HIDDEN.
BUT THERE WERE CLUES!

YOU KEPT IT SO WELL HIDDEN.
BUT THERE WERE CLUES!
SO MANY TIMES, I THOUGHT YOU'D

BUT THERE WERE CLUES!
SO MANY TIMES, I THOUGHT YOU'D
GUESS.

SO MANY TIMES, I THOUGHT YOU'D
GUESS.
LIKE THAT TIME YOU CAUGHT ME

GUESS.
LIKE THAT TIME YOU CAUGHT ME
WITH MY FAMILY PORTRAIT AND

LIKE THAT TIME YOU CAUGHT ME
WITH MY FAMILY PORTRAIT AND
ALL THOSE CRAYONS?

WITH MY FAMILY PORTRAIT AND
ALL THOSE CRAYONS?
WELL...

ALL THOSE CRAYONS?
WELL...
AND THE TIME YOU SAW MY

WELL...
AND THE TIME YOU SAW MY
BIRTH CERTIFICATE WITH THE WORD

AND THE TIME YOU SAW MY
BIRTH CERTIFICATE WITH THE WORD
"NOT" WRITTEN IN PENCIL ABOVE

BIRTH CERTIFICATE WITH THE WORD
"NOT" WRITTEN IN PENCIL ABOVE
"CAUCASIAN"?

"NOT" WRITTEN IN PENCIL ABOVE
"CAUCASIAN"?
WELL...

"CAUCASIAN"?
WELL...
AND, THEN THERE'S MY FEAR

WELL...
AND, THEN THERE'S MY FEAR
OF SICKLE-CELL ANEMIA.

AND, THEN THERE'S MY FEAR
OF SICKLE-CELL ANEMIA.
WHAT ABOUT IT?

OF SICKLE-CELL ANEMIA.
WHAT ABOUT IT?
I HAVE NO FEAR OF SICKLE-CELL

WHAT ABOUT IT?
I HAVE NO FEAR OF SICKLE-CELL
ANEMIA.

I HAVE NO FEAR OF SICKLE-CELL
ANEMIA.
OH.

ANEMIA.
OH.
WAIT, WHAT ABOUT THOSE CHRISTMAS

OH.
WAIT, WHAT ABOUT THOSE CHRISTMAS
CARDS... SIX YEARS OF CHRISTMAS

WAIT, WHAT ABOUT THOSE CHRISTMAS
CARDS... SIX YEARS OF CHRISTMAS
CARDS SIGNED "YOUR COUSIN,

CARDS... SIX YEARS OF CHRISTMAS
CARDS SIGNED "YOUR COUSIN,
LITTLE ANTHONY."

CARDS SIGNED "YOUR COUSIN,
LITTLE ANTHONY."
DIDN'T YOU EVER WONDER WHY

LITTLE ANTHONY."
DIDN'T YOU EVER WONDER WHY
HE NEVER USED HIS LAST NAME?

DIDN'T YOU EVER WONDER WHY
HE NEVER USED HIS LAST NAME?
I MEAN, DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT

HE NEVER USED HIS LAST NAME?
I MEAN, DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT
LITTLE ANTHONY CALLS HIMSELF

I MEAN, DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT
LITTLE ANTHONY CALLS HIMSELF
"LITTLE ANTHONY"?

LITTLE ANTHONY CALLS HIMSELF
"LITTLE ANTHONY"?
WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

"LITTLE ANTHONY"?
WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN, I DON'T GO AROUND

WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN, I DON'T GO AROUND
THINKING ABOUT WHAT

I MEAN, I DON'T GO AROUND
THINKING ABOUT WHAT
LITTLE ANTHONY CALLS HIMSELF

THINKING ABOUT WHAT
LITTLE ANTHONY CALLS HIMSELF
THAT MUCH.

LITTLE ANTHONY CALLS HIMSELF
THAT MUCH.
LOOK, I'M WHITE, RICHARD.

THAT MUCH.
LOOK, I'M WHITE, RICHARD.
WHITE!

LOOK, I'M WHITE, RICHARD.
WHITE!
YOU KNOW, CUTE, LITTLE BUTTON

WHITE!
YOU KNOW, CUTE, LITTLE BUTTON
NOSE, SUNTAN LOTION, REFERS TO

YOU KNOW, CUTE, LITTLE BUTTON
NOSE, SUNTAN LOTION, REFERS TO
BLACKS AS "THEM."

NOSE, SUNTAN LOTION, REFERS TO
BLACKS AS "THEM."
STOP!

BLACKS AS "THEM."
STOP!
GOD, I'VE BEEN SUCH A SUCH A

STOP!
GOD, I'VE BEEN SUCH A SUCH A
FOOL.

GOD, I'VE BEEN SUCH A SUCH A
FOOL.
SUCH A FOOL.

FOOL.
SUCH A FOOL.
RICHARD, THE BOTTOMS OF MY

SUCH A FOOL.
RICHARD, THE BOTTOMS OF MY
FEET ARE THE SAME SHADE AS THE

RICHARD, THE BOTTOMS OF MY
FEET ARE THE SAME SHADE AS THE
TOPS.

FEET ARE THE SAME SHADE AS THE
TOPS.
THE BOTTOMS ARE THE SAME AS THE

TOPS.
THE BOTTOMS ARE THE SAME AS THE
TOPS!

THE BOTTOMS ARE THE SAME AS THE
TOPS!
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?!

TOPS!
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?!
OH, YOU HAVEN'T BEEN A FOOL.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?!
OH, YOU HAVEN'T BEEN A FOOL.
YOU'VE BEEN IN LOVE, AND LOVE IS

OH, YOU HAVEN'T BEEN A FOOL.
YOU'VE BEEN IN LOVE, AND LOVE IS
BLIND.

YOU'VE BEEN IN LOVE, AND LOVE IS
BLIND.
I GUESS THIS EXPLAINS WHY YOU

BLIND.
I GUESS THIS EXPLAINS WHY YOU
NEVER GOT THAT AFRO, HUH?

I GUESS THIS EXPLAINS WHY YOU
NEVER GOT THAT AFRO, HUH?
YEAH.

NEVER GOT THAT AFRO, HUH?
YEAH.
WELL, IT DOES COME AS A

YEAH.
WELL, IT DOES COME AS A
SHOCK, HONEY, BUT IT'S REALLY

WELL, IT DOES COME AS A
SHOCK, HONEY, BUT IT'S REALLY
NOT SO BAD.

SHOCK, HONEY, BUT IT'S REALLY
NOT SO BAD.
I MEAN, IT DOESN'T CHANGE YOU,

NOT SO BAD.
I MEAN, IT DOESN'T CHANGE YOU,
AND IT DOESN'T CHANGE ME.

I MEAN, IT DOESN'T CHANGE YOU,
AND IT DOESN'T CHANGE ME.
RIGHT.

AND IT DOESN'T CHANGE ME.
RIGHT.
PLUS, IT WILL REALLY PLEASE

RIGHT.
PLUS, IT WILL REALLY PLEASE
MY MOTHER AND FATHER TO HEAR

PLUS, IT WILL REALLY PLEASE
MY MOTHER AND FATHER TO HEAR
THIS.

MY MOTHER AND FATHER TO HEAR
THIS.
YOU KNOW HOW WHITE PARENTS ARE.

THIS.
YOU KNOW HOW WHITE PARENTS ARE.
AND WHITE HUSBANDS, TOO.

YOU KNOW HOW WHITE PARENTS ARE.
AND WHITE HUSBANDS, TOO.
I MARRIED ONE, DIDN'T I?

AND WHITE HUSBANDS, TOO.
I MARRIED ONE, DIDN'T I?
[LAUGHS]

I MARRIED ONE, DIDN'T I?
[LAUGHS]
YEAH. WHAT'S FOR DINNER?

[LAUGHS]
YEAH. WHAT'S FOR DINNER?
RIBS.

OH, MR. MIKE, MR. MIKE,
PLEASE TELL ME A LEAST-LOVED
BEDTIME STORY.

PLEASE TELL ME A LEAST-LOVED
BEDTIME STORY.
WELL, SURE THING, YOU LITTLE

BEDTIME STORY.
WELL, SURE THING, YOU LITTLE
IMP.

WELL, SURE THING, YOU LITTLE
IMP.
JUST HOP UP HERE ON MY KNEE, AND

IMP.
JUST HOP UP HERE ON MY KNEE, AND
I'LL TELL YOU THE STORY OF "THE

JUST HOP UP HERE ON MY KNEE, AND
I'LL TELL YOU THE STORY OF "THE
LITTLE TRAIN THAT DIED."

I'LL TELL YOU THE STORY OF "THE
LITTLE TRAIN THAT DIED."
OOH!

LITTLE TRAIN THAT DIED."
OOH!
OKAY, YES.

OOH!
OKAY, YES.
OKAY, NOW, ONE TIME, THERE

OKAY, YES.
OKAY, NOW, ONE TIME, THERE
WAS A LITTLE TRAIN WHO HAD TO

OKAY, NOW, ONE TIME, THERE
WAS A LITTLE TRAIN WHO HAD TO
PULL A GIANT LOAD OF SCRAP METAL

WAS A LITTLE TRAIN WHO HAD TO
PULL A GIANT LOAD OF SCRAP METAL
UP THE MOUNTAIN.

PULL A GIANT LOAD OF SCRAP METAL
UP THE MOUNTAIN.
HE HAD NEVER PULLED SUCH A HEAVY

UP THE MOUNTAIN.
HE HAD NEVER PULLED SUCH A HEAVY
LOAD IN HIS LIFE, AND SO, WHEN

HE HAD NEVER PULLED SUCH A HEAVY
LOAD IN HIS LIFE, AND SO, WHEN
HE LEFT THE VALLEY, HIS LITTLE

LOAD IN HIS LIFE, AND SO, WHEN
HE LEFT THE VALLEY, HIS LITTLE
WHEELS SAID, "I HOPE I CAN.

HE LEFT THE VALLEY, HIS LITTLE
WHEELS SAID, "I HOPE I CAN.
I HOPE I CAN.

WHEELS SAID, "I HOPE I CAN.
I HOPE I CAN.
I HOPE I CAN. I HOPE I CAN."

I HOPE I CAN.
I HOPE I CAN. I HOPE I CAN."
BUT, BEFORE LONG, HE PICKED UP

I HOPE I CAN. I HOPE I CAN."
BUT, BEFORE LONG, HE PICKED UP
SPEED, AND NOW THE WHEELS SAID,

BUT, BEFORE LONG, HE PICKED UP
SPEED, AND NOW THE WHEELS SAID,
"I THINK I CAN. I THINK I CAN.

SPEED, AND NOW THE WHEELS SAID,
"I THINK I CAN. I THINK I CAN.
I THINK I CAN. I THINK I CAN."

"I THINK I CAN. I THINK I CAN.
I THINK I CAN. I THINK I CAN."
SOON, THE LITTLE TRAIN WAS

I THINK I CAN. I THINK I CAN."
SOON, THE LITTLE TRAIN WAS
WHIZZING RIGHT UP THE MOUNTAIN,

SOON, THE LITTLE TRAIN WAS
WHIZZING RIGHT UP THE MOUNTAIN,
AND NOW THE WHEELS SAID, "I KNOW

WHIZZING RIGHT UP THE MOUNTAIN,
AND NOW THE WHEELS SAID, "I KNOW
I CAN.

AND NOW THE WHEELS SAID, "I KNOW
I CAN.
I KNOW I CAN. I KNOW I CAN.

I CAN.
I KNOW I CAN. I KNOW I CAN.
I KNOW I CAN! HEART ATTACK!

I KNOW I CAN. I KNOW I CAN.
I KNOW I CAN! HEART ATTACK!
HEART ATTACK! HEART ATTACK!

I KNOW I CAN! HEART ATTACK!
HEART ATTACK! HEART ATTACK!
HEART ATTACK!

HEART ATTACK! HEART ATTACK!
HEART ATTACK!
OH, MY GOD, THE PAIN!

HEART ATTACK!
OH, MY GOD, THE PAIN!
OH, MY GOD, THE PAIN!

OH, MY GOD, THE PAIN!
OH, MY GOD, THE PAIN!
OH, MY GOD, THE PAIN!

OH, MY GOD, THE PAIN!
OH, MY GOD, THE PAIN!
I LEFT MY PILLS IN THE

OH, MY GOD, THE PAIN!
I LEFT MY PILLS IN THE
ROUNDHOUSE.

I LEFT MY PILLS IN THE
ROUNDHOUSE.
I LEFT MY PILLS IN THE

ROUNDHOUSE.
I LEFT MY PILLS IN THE
ROUNDHOUSE."

I LEFT MY PILLS IN THE
ROUNDHOUSE."
AND HE DIED.

ROUNDHOUSE."
AND HE DIED.
NOW, NORMALLY, JODIE, THAT WOULD

AND HE DIED.
NOW, NORMALLY, JODIE, THAT WOULD
BE THE END OF THE STORY, BUT THE

NOW, NORMALLY, JODIE, THAT WOULD
BE THE END OF THE STORY, BUT THE
LITTLE TRAIN WAS ON THE

BE THE END OF THE STORY, BUT THE
LITTLE TRAIN WAS ON THE
MOUNTAIN, KIND OF ON AN INCLINE,

LITTLE TRAIN WAS ON THE
MOUNTAIN, KIND OF ON AN INCLINE,
AND HE BEGAN TO ROLL BACKWARDS,

MOUNTAIN, KIND OF ON AN INCLINE,
AND HE BEGAN TO ROLL BACKWARDS,
SLOWLY AT FIRST, OF COURSE, BUT

AND HE BEGAN TO ROLL BACKWARDS,
SLOWLY AT FIRST, OF COURSE, BUT
GETTING FASTER AND FASTER, UNTIL

SLOWLY AT FIRST, OF COURSE, BUT
GETTING FASTER AND FASTER, UNTIL
HE WAS JUST BARRELING DOWN THE

GETTING FASTER AND FASTER, UNTIL
HE WAS JUST BARRELING DOWN THE
MOUNTAIN, HIS WHEELS JUST BARELY

HE WAS JUST BARRELING DOWN THE
MOUNTAIN, HIS WHEELS JUST BARELY
ON THE TRACKS.

MOUNTAIN, HIS WHEELS JUST BARELY
ON THE TRACKS.
OF COURSE, THEY WEREN'T SAYING

ON THE TRACKS.
OF COURSE, THEY WEREN'T SAYING
ANYTHING THIS TIME BECAUSE THEY

OF COURSE, THEY WEREN'T SAYING
ANYTHING THIS TIME BECAUSE THEY
WERE DEAD.

ANYTHING THIS TIME BECAUSE THEY
WERE DEAD.
NOW, IN THE VALLEY, WHO SHOULD

WERE DEAD.
NOW, IN THE VALLEY, WHO SHOULD
BE SITTING ON THE TRACKS BUT

NOW, IN THE VALLEY, WHO SHOULD
BE SITTING ON THE TRACKS BUT
FREDDY THE FROG, AND WOULDN'T

BE SITTING ON THE TRACKS BUT
FREDDY THE FROG, AND WOULDN'T
YOU KNOW IT, HE'S FACING THE

FREDDY THE FROG, AND WOULDN'T
YOU KNOW IT, HE'S FACING THE
WRONG WAY, SO HE NEVER SEES THE

YOU KNOW IT, HE'S FACING THE
WRONG WAY, SO HE NEVER SEES THE
TRAIN COMING AT HIM AT 180 MILES

WRONG WAY, SO HE NEVER SEES THE
TRAIN COMING AT HIM AT 180 MILES
AN HOUR.

TRAIN COMING AT HIM AT 180 MILES
AN HOUR.
FORTUNATELY, FREDDY HOPS OFF THE

AN HOUR.
FORTUNATELY, FREDDY HOPS OFF THE
TRACKS JUST IN TIME AND THE

FORTUNATELY, FREDDY HOPS OFF THE
TRACKS JUST IN TIME AND THE
TRAIN MISSES HIM, HITTING,

TRACKS JUST IN TIME AND THE
TRAIN MISSES HIM, HITTING,
INSTEAD, A SCHOOL BUS, KILLING

TRAIN MISSES HIM, HITTING,
INSTEAD, A SCHOOL BUS, KILLING
150, NO ONE OVER AGE 9, AND THE

INSTEAD, A SCHOOL BUS, KILLING
150, NO ONE OVER AGE 9, AND THE
SCHOOL BUS.

150, NO ONE OVER AGE 9, AND THE
SCHOOL BUS.
NOW, WHEN THE STATE POLICE

SCHOOL BUS.
NOW, WHEN THE STATE POLICE
ARRIVE AT THE SCENE, ONE OF THEM

NOW, WHEN THE STATE POLICE
ARRIVE AT THE SCENE, ONE OF THEM
LOOKS AROUND AT THE CARNAGE AND

ARRIVE AT THE SCENE, ONE OF THEM
LOOKS AROUND AT THE CARNAGE AND
GRIZZLY MUTILATION, SPOTS

LOOKS AROUND AT THE CARNAGE AND
GRIZZLY MUTILATION, SPOTS
FREDDY, AND SAYS, "YOU KNOW,

GRIZZLY MUTILATION, SPOTS
FREDDY, AND SAYS, "YOU KNOW,
IT'S WRONG THAT SO MANY HUMAN

FREDDY, AND SAYS, "YOU KNOW,
IT'S WRONG THAT SO MANY HUMAN
BEINGS SHOULD BE DEAD AND THIS

IT'S WRONG THAT SO MANY HUMAN
BEINGS SHOULD BE DEAD AND THIS
FROG SHOULD STILL BE ALIVE,"

BEINGS SHOULD BE DEAD AND THIS
FROG SHOULD STILL BE ALIVE,"
AND SO, THEY BEAT HIM TO DEATH

FROG SHOULD STILL BE ALIVE,"
AND SO, THEY BEAT HIM TO DEATH
WITH A SOFTBALL BAT.

AND SO, THEY BEAT HIM TO DEATH
WITH A SOFTBALL BAT.
THE END."

WITH A SOFTBALL BAT.
THE END."
OH, MR. MIKE, MR. MIKE,

THE END."
OH, MR. MIKE, MR. MIKE,
THAT WAS THE BEST TALE I'VE EVER

OH, MR. MIKE, MR. MIKE,
THAT WAS THE BEST TALE I'VE EVER
HEARD.

THAT WAS THE BEST TALE I'VE EVER
HEARD.
WELL, YOU KNOW, JODIE, I HAVE

HEARD.
WELL, YOU KNOW, JODIE, I HAVE
A LOT MORE WHERE THAT CAME

WELL, YOU KNOW, JODIE, I HAVE
A LOT MORE WHERE THAT CAME
FROM.

A LOT MORE WHERE THAT CAME
FROM.
UH, GOODNIGHT.

FROM.
UH, GOODNIGHT.
HAVE YOU HEARD THE ONE ABOUT THE

UH, GOODNIGHT.
HAVE YOU HEARD THE ONE ABOUT THE
PENGUIN, THE SOAP DISH, AND

HAVE YOU HEARD THE ONE ABOUT THE
PENGUIN, THE SOAP DISH, AND
INVISIBLE COWGIRL?

PENGUIN, THE SOAP DISH, AND
INVISIBLE COWGIRL?
WELL, IT SEEMS THAT...

INVISIBLE COWGIRL?
WELL, IT SEEMS THAT...
[APPLAUSE]

WHEN I WAS A KID, MY MOTHER
USED TO TALK ABOUT VIBRATIONS.
SHE USED TO TELL ME THAT SOME

USED TO TALK ABOUT VIBRATIONS.
SHE USED TO TELL ME THAT SOME
DOGS WOULD BARK AT SOME PEOPLE

SHE USED TO TELL ME THAT SOME
DOGS WOULD BARK AT SOME PEOPLE
BUT WOULDN'T BARK AT OTHERS.

DOGS WOULD BARK AT SOME PEOPLE
BUT WOULDN'T BARK AT OTHERS.
AND, APPARENTLY, THIS IS BECAUSE

BUT WOULDN'T BARK AT OTHERS.
AND, APPARENTLY, THIS IS BECAUSE
SOME PEOPLE PUT OFF STRONG

AND, APPARENTLY, THIS IS BECAUSE
SOME PEOPLE PUT OFF STRONG
VIBRATIONS.

SOME PEOPLE PUT OFF STRONG
VIBRATIONS.
ANYWAY, THIS SONG IS CALLED

VIBRATIONS.
ANYWAY, THIS SONG IS CALLED
"GOOD VIBRATIONS."

ANYWAY, THIS SONG IS CALLED
"GOOD VIBRATIONS."
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

"GOOD VIBRATIONS."
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ I ♪

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ I ♪
♪ I LOVE THE COLORFUL CLOTHES

♪ I ♪
♪ I LOVE THE COLORFUL CLOTHES
SHE WEARS ♪

♪ I LOVE THE COLORFUL CLOTHES
SHE WEARS ♪
♪ AND THE WAY THE SUNLIGHT PLAYS

SHE WEARS ♪
♪ AND THE WAY THE SUNLIGHT PLAYS
UPON HER HAIR ♪

♪ AND THE WAY THE SUNLIGHT PLAYS
UPON HER HAIR ♪
♪ I HEAR THE SOUND OF A GENTLE

UPON HER HAIR ♪
♪ I HEAR THE SOUND OF A GENTLE
WORD ON THE WIND THAT LIFTS HER

♪ I HEAR THE SOUND OF A GENTLE
WORD ON THE WIND THAT LIFTS HER
PERFUME THROUGH THE AIR ♪

WORD ON THE WIND THAT LIFTS HER
PERFUME THROUGH THE AIR ♪
♪ I'M PICKING UP GOOD

PERFUME THROUGH THE AIR ♪
♪ I'M PICKING UP GOOD
VIBRATIONS ♪

♪ I'M PICKING UP GOOD
VIBRATIONS ♪
♪ SHE'S GIVING ME THE

VIBRATIONS ♪
♪ SHE'S GIVING ME THE
EXCITATIONS ♪

♪ SHE'S GIVING ME THE
EXCITATIONS ♪
♪ I'M PICKING UP GOOD

EXCITATIONS ♪
♪ I'M PICKING UP GOOD
VIBRATIONS ♪

♪ I'M PICKING UP GOOD
VIBRATIONS ♪
♪ SHE'S GIVING ME THE

VIBRATIONS ♪
♪ SHE'S GIVING ME THE
EXCITATIONS ♪

♪ SHE'S GIVING ME THE
EXCITATIONS ♪
♪ I'M PICKING UP GOOD

EXCITATIONS ♪
♪ I'M PICKING UP GOOD
VIBRATIONS ♪

♪ I'M PICKING UP GOOD
VIBRATIONS ♪
♪ SHE'S GIVING ME THE

VIBRATIONS ♪
♪ SHE'S GIVING ME THE
EXCITATIONS ♪

♪ SHE'S GIVING ME THE
EXCITATIONS ♪
♪ CLOSE MY EYES ♪

EXCITATIONS ♪
♪ CLOSE MY EYES ♪
♪ SHE'S SOMEHOW CLOSER NOW ♪

♪ CLOSE MY EYES ♪
♪ SHE'S SOMEHOW CLOSER NOW ♪
♪ SOFTLY SMILE ♪

♪ SHE'S SOMEHOW CLOSER NOW ♪
♪ SOFTLY SMILE ♪
♪ I KNOW SHE MUST BE KIND ♪

♪ SOFTLY SMILE ♪
♪ I KNOW SHE MUST BE KIND ♪
♪ WHEN I LOOK IN HER EYES

♪ I KNOW SHE MUST BE KIND ♪
♪ WHEN I LOOK IN HER EYES
SHE GOES WITH ME TO A BLOSSOM

♪ WHEN I LOOK IN HER EYES
SHE GOES WITH ME TO A BLOSSOM
WORLD ♪

SHE GOES WITH ME TO A BLOSSOM
WORLD ♪
♪ I'M PICKING UP GOOD

WORLD ♪
♪ I'M PICKING UP GOOD
VIBRATIONS ♪

♪ I'M PICKING UP GOOD
VIBRATIONS ♪
♪ SHE'S GIVING ME THE

VIBRATIONS ♪
♪ SHE'S GIVING ME THE
EXCITATIONS ♪

♪ SHE'S GIVING ME THE
EXCITATIONS ♪
♪ I'M PICKING UP GOOD

EXCITATIONS ♪
♪ I'M PICKING UP GOOD
VIBRATIONS ♪

♪ I'M PICKING UP GOOD
VIBRATIONS ♪
♪ I'M PICKING UP GOOD

VIBRATIONS ♪
♪ I'M PICKING UP GOOD
VIBRATIONS ♪

♪ I'M PICKING UP GOOD
VIBRATIONS ♪
♪ SHE' S GIVING ME THE

VIBRATIONS ♪
♪ SHE' S GIVING ME THE
EXCITATIONS ♪

♪ SHE' S GIVING ME THE
EXCITATIONS ♪
♪ I'M PICKING UP GOOD

EXCITATIONS ♪
♪ I'M PICKING UP GOOD
VIBRATIONS ♪

♪ I'M PICKING UP GOOD
VIBRATIONS ♪
♪ SHE'S GIVING ME THE

VIBRATIONS ♪
♪ SHE'S GIVING ME THE
EXCITATIONS ♪

♪ SHE'S GIVING ME THE
EXCITATIONS ♪
♪ OHHH ♪

EXCITATIONS ♪
♪ OHHH ♪
♪ OH HO HO ♪

♪ OHHH ♪
♪ OH HO HO ♪
♪ I DON'T KNOW WHERE, BUT SHE

♪ OH HO HO ♪
♪ I DON'T KNOW WHERE, BUT SHE
SENDS ME THERE ♪

♪ I DON'T KNOW WHERE, BUT SHE
SENDS ME THERE ♪
♪ OOH, MY, MY, WHAT AN ELATION ♪

SENDS ME THERE ♪
♪ OOH, MY, MY, WHAT AN ELATION ♪
♪ OH, WHAT A SENSATION ♪

♪ OOH, MY, MY, WHAT AN ELATION ♪
♪ OH, WHAT A SENSATION ♪
♪ I'M PICKING UP GOOD

♪ OH, WHAT A SENSATION ♪
♪ I'M PICKING UP GOOD
VIBRATIONS ♪

♪ I'M PICKING UP GOOD
VIBRATIONS ♪
♪ SHE'S GIVING ME THE

VIBRATIONS ♪
♪ SHE'S GIVING ME THE
EXCITATIONS ♪

♪ SHE'S GIVING ME THE
EXCITATIONS ♪
♪ I'M PICKING UP ♪

EXCITATIONS ♪
♪ I'M PICKING UP ♪
THANK YOU.

♪ I'M PICKING UP ♪
THANK YOU.
[APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU.
[APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU!

[APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE CONTINUE]

THANK YOU.
I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT THIS
IS THE BEST AUDIENCE I'VE EVER

I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT THIS
IS THE BEST AUDIENCE I'VE EVER
HAD, 'CAUSE I NEVER HAVE TOO

IS THE BEST AUDIENCE I'VE EVER
HAD, 'CAUSE I NEVER HAVE TOO
MANY AUDIENCES.

HAD, 'CAUSE I NEVER HAVE TOO
MANY AUDIENCES.
BUT YOU WERE GREAT ANYWAY.

MANY AUDIENCES.
BUT YOU WERE GREAT ANYWAY.
DON'T WORRY.

BUT YOU WERE GREAT ANYWAY.
DON'T WORRY.
ALSO, I'D LIKE TO THANK

DON'T WORRY.
ALSO, I'D LIKE TO THANK
HILDA RADAR.

ALSO, I'D LIKE TO THANK
HILDA RADAR.
NO, NO, JUST KIDDING.

HILDA RADAR.
NO, NO, JUST KIDDING.
GEE, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

NO, NO, JUST KIDDING.
GEE, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
I'M SUPPOSED TO FILL SPACE, AND

GEE, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
I'M SUPPOSED TO FILL SPACE, AND
I GUESS I'M SUPPOSED TO SAY

I'M SUPPOSED TO FILL SPACE, AND
I GUESS I'M SUPPOSED TO SAY
HELLO TO ALL THE PEOPLE I KNOW,

I GUESS I'M SUPPOSED TO SAY
HELLO TO ALL THE PEOPLE I KNOW,
BUT I DON'T KNOW MANY PEOPLE.

HELLO TO ALL THE PEOPLE I KNOW,
BUT I DON'T KNOW MANY PEOPLE.
SO, HERE'S JOHN BELUSHI, AND

BUT I DON'T KNOW MANY PEOPLE.
SO, HERE'S JOHN BELUSHI, AND
GILDA.

SO, HERE'S JOHN BELUSHI, AND
GILDA.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Announcer: MR. MIKE WAS

PLAYED BY MICHAEL O'DONOGHUE.

THE GARY WEIS FILM WAS MADE AT

LEARNING ENVIRONMENTS FOR

CHILDREN IN NEW YORK.

NEXT SATURDAY NIGHT, WATCH

NBC's "WEEKEND WITH

LLOYD DOBYNS."

WE'LL BE BACK IN TWO WEEKS ON

DECEMBER 11th, WHEN "SATURDAY

NIGHT'S" HOST WILL BE

CANDICE BERGEN, WITH MUSICAL

GUEST FRANK ZAPPA.

AND NOW ENTERING THE SECOND

50 YEARS, THIS IS THE VOICE OF

THE OLD DINOSAUR DON PARDO,

MAKING THE AIRWAVES A FAR, FAR

BETTER PLACE AND SAYING GOOD

NIGHT.