Saturday Night Live (1975–…): Season 2, Episode 8 - Paul Simon/George Harrison - full transcript

The host for the episode is Paul Simon (his second appearance), and the musical guest is George Harrison. The skits for this episode are as follows: George Harrison feels that he should receive the $3000 Lorne Michaels promised th...

Announcer: PORTIONS OF THE
FOLLOWING PROGRAM HAVE BEEN
PRE-RECORDED.

FOLLOWING PROGRAM HAVE BEEN
PRE-RECORDED.
[GUITAR PLAYS]

PRE-RECORDED.
[GUITAR PLAYS]
♪ THIS LAND IS YOUR LAND ♪

[GUITAR PLAYS]
♪ THIS LAND IS YOUR LAND ♪
♪ THIS LAND IS MY LAND ♪

♪ THIS LAND IS YOUR LAND ♪
♪ THIS LAND IS MY LAND ♪
♪ FROM CAL.. ♪

♪ THIS LAND IS MY LAND ♪
♪ FROM CAL.. ♪
THANK YOU.

♪ FROM CAL.. ♪
THANK YOU.
♪ ...IFORNIA TO THE NEW YORK

THANK YOU.
♪ ...IFORNIA TO THE NEW YORK
ISLANDS ♪

♪ ...IFORNIA TO THE NEW YORK
ISLANDS ♪
CHEVY! CHEVY!

ISLANDS ♪
CHEVY! CHEVY!
PAUL, HOW ARE YOU?

CHEVY! CHEVY!
PAUL, HOW ARE YOU?
GOOD TO SEE YOU!



PAUL, HOW ARE YOU?
GOOD TO SEE YOU!
HOW ARE YA?

GOOD TO SEE YOU!
HOW ARE YA?
I'M FINE. I'M FINE. I'M FINE.

HOW ARE YA?
I'M FINE. I'M FINE. I'M FINE.
WELL, HOW'S IT BEEN GOING

I'M FINE. I'M FINE. I'M FINE.
WELL, HOW'S IT BEEN GOING
SINCE YOU LEFT THE SHOW?

WELL, HOW'S IT BEEN GOING
SINCE YOU LEFT THE SHOW?
OH, HEY. DYNAMITE!

SINCE YOU LEFT THE SHOW?
OH, HEY. DYNAMITE!
REALLY?

OH, HEY. DYNAMITE!
REALLY?
ARE YOU DOING SPECIALS?

REALLY?
ARE YOU DOING SPECIALS?
OH, YEAH, I'M WORKING ON

ARE YOU DOING SPECIALS?
OH, YEAH, I'M WORKING ON
SPECIALS EVEN AS WE TALK.

OH, YEAH, I'M WORKING ON
SPECIALS EVEN AS WE TALK.
MOVIES?

SPECIALS EVEN AS WE TALK.
MOVIES?
I'M WRITING, THE MOVIES.

MOVIES?
I'M WRITING, THE MOVIES.
FANTASTIC.

I'M WRITING, THE MOVIES.
FANTASTIC.
SO IT WAS WORTH IT TO LEAVE THE

FANTASTIC.
SO IT WAS WORTH IT TO LEAVE THE
SHOW WHEN YOU DID.



SO IT WAS WORTH IT TO LEAVE THE
SHOW WHEN YOU DID.
YEAH. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

SHOW WHEN YOU DID.
YEAH. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M GONNA DO THE SHOW

YEAH. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M GONNA DO THE SHOW
TONIGHT.

I'M GONNA DO THE SHOW
TONIGHT.
THAT'S GREAT!

TONIGHT.
THAT'S GREAT!
I'M THE HOST, YEAH.

THAT'S GREAT!
I'M THE HOST, YEAH.
YOU'RE A LITTLE BIT EARLY.

I'M THE HOST, YEAH.
YOU'RE A LITTLE BIT EARLY.
I HAVE TO GET CHANGED INTO A

YOU'RE A LITTLE BIT EARLY.
I HAVE TO GET CHANGED INTO A
COSTUME FOR THE OPENING.

I HAVE TO GET CHANGED INTO A
COSTUME FOR THE OPENING.
OH, THAT'S FUNNY.

COSTUME FOR THE OPENING.
OH, THAT'S FUNNY.
IS IT GOOD?

OH, THAT'S FUNNY.
IS IT GOOD?
TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I HAVE

IS IT GOOD?
TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I HAVE
MY DOUBTS ABOUT THE WHOLE

TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I HAVE
MY DOUBTS ABOUT THE WHOLE
CONCEPT.

MY DOUBTS ABOUT THE WHOLE
CONCEPT.
IT'S SOMETHING THEY WROTE.

CONCEPT.
IT'S SOMETHING THEY WROTE.
I'M GONNA TALK TO LORNE ABOUT IT

IT'S SOMETHING THEY WROTE.
I'M GONNA TALK TO LORNE ABOUT IT
ANYWAY.

I'M GONNA TALK TO LORNE ABOUT IT
ANYWAY.
AH. HEY, HEY.

ANYWAY.
AH. HEY, HEY.
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S

AH. HEY, HEY.
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!

LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
OKAY, YEAH. GREAT, CHEV.

"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
OKAY, YEAH. GREAT, CHEV.
SEE YOU A LITTLE BIT LATER.

OKAY, YEAH. GREAT, CHEV.
SEE YOU A LITTLE BIT LATER.
OKAY, SEE YOU LATER.

SEE YOU A LITTLE BIT LATER.
OKAY, SEE YOU LATER.
OOH! LISTEN.

OKAY, SEE YOU LATER.
OOH! LISTEN.
HEY! WHY DON'T YOU COME TO THE

OOH! LISTEN.
HEY! WHY DON'T YOU COME TO THE
PARTY AFTER THE SHOW?

HEY! WHY DON'T YOU COME TO THE
PARTY AFTER THE SHOW?
PARTY?

PARTY AFTER THE SHOW?
PARTY?
I'D LOVE TO DO THAT, MAN.

PARTY?
I'D LOVE TO DO THAT, MAN.
IF I'M FINISHED WITH MY WORK,

I'D LOVE TO DO THAT, MAN.
IF I'M FINISHED WITH MY WORK,
I'LL BE THERE.

IF I'M FINISHED WITH MY WORK,
I'LL BE THERE.
EVERYONE WOULD LOVE TO SEE

I'LL BE THERE.
EVERYONE WOULD LOVE TO SEE
YOU.

EVERYONE WOULD LOVE TO SEE
YOU.
THEY WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU

YOU.
THEY WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU
AGAIN.

THEY WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU
AGAIN.
OKAY.

AGAIN.
OKAY.
BEAUTIFUL.

OKAY.
BEAUTIFUL.
SEE YOU LATER.

BEAUTIFUL.
SEE YOU LATER.
OKAY, BEAUTIFUL.

SEE YOU LATER.
OKAY, BEAUTIFUL.
♪ DO YOU KNOW... DO ♪

OKAY, BEAUTIFUL.
♪ DO YOU KNOW... DO ♪
[STRUMS OUT-OF-TUNE CHORD]

♪ DO YOU KNOW... DO ♪
[STRUMS OUT-OF-TUNE CHORD]
[HUMS]

[STRUMS OUT-OF-TUNE CHORD]
[HUMS]
♪ DO YOU KNOW THE WAY TO

[HUMS]
♪ DO YOU KNOW THE WAY TO
SAN JOSE? ♪

♪ DO YOU KNOW THE WAY TO
SAN JOSE? ♪
♪ DO YOU KNOW... ♪

SAN JOSE? ♪
♪ DO YOU KNOW... ♪
DYLAN!

♪ DO YOU KNOW... ♪
DYLAN!
DYLAN

DYLAN!
DYLAN
♪ NOBODY FEELS ANY PAIN ♪

I MEAN, HOW DO YOU THINK I
FEEL?
I FEEL TERRIBLE ABOUT IT.

FEEL?
I FEEL TERRIBLE ABOUT IT.
NO GOOD SAYING THAT NOW.

I FEEL TERRIBLE ABOUT IT.
NO GOOD SAYING THAT NOW.
I'VE COME ALL THIS WAY.

NO GOOD SAYING THAT NOW.
I'VE COME ALL THIS WAY.
$3,000. THAT WAS THE DEAL.

I'VE COME ALL THIS WAY.
$3,000. THAT WAS THE DEAL.
I UNDERSTAND, BUT IT WAS JUST

$3,000. THAT WAS THE DEAL.
I UNDERSTAND, BUT IT WAS JUST
ONE OF THOSE MIX-UPS.

I UNDERSTAND, BUT IT WAS JUST
ONE OF THOSE MIX-UPS.
I MEAN, IT'S...

ONE OF THOSE MIX-UPS.
I MEAN, IT'S...
[INDISTINCT ARGUING]

I MEAN, IT'S...
[INDISTINCT ARGUING]
HI, GEORGE.

[INDISTINCT ARGUING]
HI, GEORGE.
HI, LORNE.

HI, GEORGE.
HI, LORNE.
WE BETTER GET STARTED.

HI, LORNE.
WE BETTER GET STARTED.
LORNE, CAN I JUST TALK TO

WE BETTER GET STARTED.
LORNE, CAN I JUST TALK TO
YOU FOR A MINUTE?

LORNE, CAN I JUST TALK TO
YOU FOR A MINUTE?
IN PRIVATE?

YOU FOR A MINUTE?
IN PRIVATE?
SURE.

IN PRIVATE?
SURE.
CAN YOU JUST EXCUSE US FOR A

SURE.
CAN YOU JUST EXCUSE US FOR A
MOMENT?

CAN YOU JUST EXCUSE US FOR A
MOMENT?
WHAT IS IT?

MOMENT?
WHAT IS IT?
LORNE, I HAVE GRAVE DOUBTS

WHAT IS IT?
LORNE, I HAVE GRAVE DOUBTS
ABOUT THE COSTUME.

LORNE, I HAVE GRAVE DOUBTS
ABOUT THE COSTUME.
WHAT, IN THE OPENING?

ABOUT THE COSTUME.
WHAT, IN THE OPENING?
YES, I DO.

WHAT, IN THE OPENING?
YES, I DO.
I THINK THE OPENING'S WORKING

YES, I DO.
I THINK THE OPENING'S WORKING
WONDERFULLY.

I THINK THE OPENING'S WORKING
WONDERFULLY.
WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT?

WONDERFULLY.
WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT?
I-I'M WORRIED ABOUT...

WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT?
I-I'M WORRIED ABOUT...
I-I FEEL THERE'S A REAL GOOD

I-I'M WORRIED ABOUT...
I-I FEEL THERE'S A REAL GOOD
CHANCE THAT I COULD LOOK LIKE A

I-I FEEL THERE'S A REAL GOOD
CHANCE THAT I COULD LOOK LIKE A
FOOL IS WHAT I'M WORRIED ABOUT.

CHANCE THAT I COULD LOOK LIKE A
FOOL IS WHAT I'M WORRIED ABOUT.
NOT A CHANCE. REALLY.

FOOL IS WHAT I'M WORRIED ABOUT.
NOT A CHANCE. REALLY.
YOU JUST HAVE TO HAVE CONFIDENCE

NOT A CHANCE. REALLY.
YOU JUST HAVE TO HAVE CONFIDENCE
WHEN YOU GO OUT THERE.

YOU JUST HAVE TO HAVE CONFIDENCE
WHEN YOU GO OUT THERE.
BELIEVE ME, IT'LL WORK.

WHEN YOU GO OUT THERE.
BELIEVE ME, IT'LL WORK.
I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT.

BELIEVE ME, IT'LL WORK.
I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT.
DO YOU BELIEVE ME?

I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT.
DO YOU BELIEVE ME?
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU, BUT I

DO YOU BELIEVE ME?
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU, BUT I
HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT.

I DON'T BELIEVE YOU, BUT I
HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT.
REALLY, I THINK...

HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT.
REALLY, I THINK...
IT WILL BE GREAT.

REALLY, I THINK...
IT WILL BE GREAT.
YOU BETTER CHANGE.

IT WILL BE GREAT.
YOU BETTER CHANGE.
I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT, LORNE.

YOU BETTER CHANGE.
I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT, LORNE.
FINE.

I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT, LORNE.
FINE.
I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING, I'M

FINE.
I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING, I'M
GONNA GET IT STRAIGHT IN THE

I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING, I'M
GONNA GET IT STRAIGHT IN THE
FUTURE.

GONNA GET IT STRAIGHT IN THE
FUTURE.
I KNOW, BUT IF YOU DON'T GO

FUTURE.
I KNOW, BUT IF YOU DON'T GO
ON TONIGHT...

I KNOW, BUT IF YOU DON'T GO
ON TONIGHT...
IF YOU DON'T GO ON TONIGHT,

ON TONIGHT...
IF YOU DON'T GO ON TONIGHT,
IT'LL BREAK HIS HEART.

IF YOU DON'T GO ON TONIGHT,
IT'LL BREAK HIS HEART.
I MEAN, IT MUST BE...

IT'LL BREAK HIS HEART.
I MEAN, IT MUST BE...
SEE, I THOUGHT THAT YOU WOULD

I MEAN, IT MUST BE...
SEE, I THOUGHT THAT YOU WOULD
UNDERSTAND THAT IF IT WAS $3,000

SEE, I THOUGHT THAT YOU WOULD
UNDERSTAND THAT IF IT WAS $3,000
FOR FOUR PEOPLE, THEN IT WOULD

UNDERSTAND THAT IF IT WAS $3,000
FOR FOUR PEOPLE, THEN IT WOULD
JUST BE $750 FOR EACH OF YOU.

FOR FOUR PEOPLE, THEN IT WOULD
JUST BE $750 FOR EACH OF YOU.
I MEAN, AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,

JUST BE $750 FOR EACH OF YOU.
I MEAN, AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,
I MEAN, YOU COULD HAVE THE FULL

I MEAN, AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,
I MEAN, YOU COULD HAVE THE FULL
$3,000.

I MEAN, YOU COULD HAVE THE FULL
$3,000.
IT'S THE NETWORK.

$3,000.
IT'S THE NETWORK.
$750, THAT'S PRETTY CHINTZY,

IT'S THE NETWORK.
$750, THAT'S PRETTY CHINTZY,
ISN'T IT?

$750, THAT'S PRETTY CHINTZY,
ISN'T IT?
WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

ISN'T IT?
WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
I KNOW THAT THERE'S ANOTHER $250

WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
I KNOW THAT THERE'S ANOTHER $250
AVAILABLE FOR THE OPENING,

I KNOW THAT THERE'S ANOTHER $250
AVAILABLE FOR THE OPENING,
FOR THE PERSON WHO SAYS "LIVE

AVAILABLE FOR THE OPENING,
FOR THE PERSON WHO SAYS "LIVE
FROM NEW YORK, IT'S 'SATURDAY

FOR THE PERSON WHO SAYS "LIVE
FROM NEW YORK, IT'S 'SATURDAY
NIGHT.'"

FROM NEW YORK, IT'S 'SATURDAY
NIGHT.'"
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S

NIGHT.'"
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!

LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
[BAND PLAYS]

Announcer: NBC's
"SATURDAY NIGHT"...
STARRING PAUL SIMON...

"SATURDAY NIGHT"...
STARRING PAUL SIMON...
WITH HIS SPECIAL GUEST

STARRING PAUL SIMON...
WITH HIS SPECIAL GUEST
GEORGE HARRISON...

Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org

AND THE
NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME
PLAYERS...

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
PAUL SIMON!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[INTRO TO "STILL CRAZY AFTER
ALL THESE YEARS" PLAYS]

♪ I MET MY OLD LOVER ON THE
STREET LAST NIGHT ♪
♪ SHE SEEMED SO GLAD TO SEE ME,

STREET LAST NIGHT ♪
♪ SHE SEEMED SO GLAD TO SEE ME,
I JUST SMILED ♪

♪ SHE SEEMED SO GLAD TO SEE ME,
I JUST SMILED ♪
♪ AND WE TALKED ABOUT SOME OLD

I JUST SMILED ♪
♪ AND WE TALKED ABOUT SOME OLD
TIMES ♪

♪ AND WE TALKED ABOUT SOME OLD
TIMES ♪
♪ AND WE DRANK OURSELVES SOME

TIMES ♪
♪ AND WE DRANK OURSELVES SOME
BEERS ♪

♪ AND WE DRANK OURSELVES SOME
BEERS ♪
♪ STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE

BEERS ♪
♪ STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE
YEARS ♪

♪ STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE
YEARS ♪
♪ OH, STILL CRA... ♪

YEARS ♪
♪ OH, STILL CRA... ♪
CUT!

♪ OH, STILL CRA... ♪
CUT!
OKAY, CUT IT.

CUT!
OKAY, CUT IT.
[MUSIC STOPS]

OKAY, CUT IT.
[MUSIC STOPS]
FORGET IT, RICHARD.

[MUSIC STOPS]
FORGET IT, RICHARD.
[LAUGHTER]

FORGET IT, RICHARD.
[LAUGHTER]
YOU KNOW, I SAID WHEN THE TURKEY

[LAUGHTER]
YOU KNOW, I SAID WHEN THE TURKEY
CONCEPT WAS FIRST BROUGHT UP,

YOU KNOW, I SAID WHEN THE TURKEY
CONCEPT WAS FIRST BROUGHT UP,
I SAID THERE'S A VERY GOOD

CONCEPT WAS FIRST BROUGHT UP,
I SAID THERE'S A VERY GOOD
CHANCE I'M GONNA END UP

I SAID THERE'S A VERY GOOD
CHANCE I'M GONNA END UP
LOOKING STUPID IF I COME OUT

CHANCE I'M GONNA END UP
LOOKING STUPID IF I COME OUT
WEARING IT.

LOOKING STUPID IF I COME OUT
WEARING IT.
I MEAN, EVERYONE SAID, "OH, IT'S

WEARING IT.
I MEAN, EVERYONE SAID, "OH, IT'S
THANKSGIVING, GO AHEAD."

I MEAN, EVERYONE SAID, "OH, IT'S
THANKSGIVING, GO AHEAD."
I FELT THAT IT WAS NOT IN ANY

THANKSGIVING, GO AHEAD."
I FELT THAT IT WAS NOT IN ANY
WAY IN KEEPING WITH MY IMAGE,

I FELT THAT IT WAS NOT IN ANY
WAY IN KEEPING WITH MY IMAGE,
THE LYRICS, "THE BOXER," ANY OF

WAY IN KEEPING WITH MY IMAGE,
THE LYRICS, "THE BOXER," ANY OF
THOSE SONGS.

THE LYRICS, "THE BOXER," ANY OF
THOSE SONGS.
THEY SAID, "HEY, YOU KNOW, YOU

THOSE SONGS.
THEY SAID, "HEY, YOU KNOW, YOU
TAKE YOURSELF SO SERIOUSLY.

THEY SAID, "HEY, YOU KNOW, YOU
TAKE YOURSELF SO SERIOUSLY.
WHY DON'T YOU STOP TAKING

TAKE YOURSELF SO SERIOUSLY.
WHY DON'T YOU STOP TAKING
YOURSELF SO SERIOUSLY FOR A

WHY DON'T YOU STOP TAKING
YOURSELF SO SERIOUSLY FOR A
WHILE, LOOSEN UP A LITTLE BIT,

YOURSELF SO SERIOUSLY FOR A
WHILE, LOOSEN UP A LITTLE BIT,
AND MAYBE PEOPLE WILL LAUGH?

WHILE, LOOSEN UP A LITTLE BIT,
AND MAYBE PEOPLE WILL LAUGH?
YOU WANT TO BE MR. ALIENATION?

AND MAYBE PEOPLE WILL LAUGH?
YOU WANT TO BE MR. ALIENATION?
YOU CAN BE MR. ALIENATION."

YOU WANT TO BE MR. ALIENATION?
YOU CAN BE MR. ALIENATION."
WELL, I DIDN'T WANT TO BE

YOU CAN BE MR. ALIENATION."
WELL, I DIDN'T WANT TO BE
MR. ALIENATION.

WELL, I DIDN'T WANT TO BE
MR. ALIENATION.
I-I WANT TO BE A REGULAR GUY,

MR. ALIENATION.
I-I WANT TO BE A REGULAR GUY,
BUT I FEEL THIS HAS JUST BEEN A

I-I WANT TO BE A REGULAR GUY,
BUT I FEEL THIS HAS JUST BEEN A
DISASTER.

BUT I FEEL THIS HAS JUST BEEN A
DISASTER.
I'M SORRY.

DISASTER.
I'M SORRY.
I'M JUST GONNA GO AND CHANGE.

I'M SORRY.
I'M JUST GONNA GO AND CHANGE.
IT'S JUST A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.

I'M JUST GONNA GO AND CHANGE.
IT'S JUST A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.
[APPLAUSE]

IT'S JUST A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.
[APPLAUSE]
[MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]

[APPLAUSE]
[MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]
WONDERFUL!

[MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]
WONDERFUL!
WONDERFUL?

WONDERFUL!
WONDERFUL?
YOU CALL THAT WONDERFUL?

WONDERFUL?
YOU CALL THAT WONDERFUL?
WHAT, YOU GOT A PROBLEM?

YOU CALL THAT WONDERFUL?
WHAT, YOU GOT A PROBLEM?
IT WAS ONE OF THE MOST

WHAT, YOU GOT A PROBLEM?
IT WAS ONE OF THE MOST
HUMILIATING EXPERIENCES OF MY

IT WAS ONE OF THE MOST
HUMILIATING EXPERIENCES OF MY
LIFE!

HUMILIATING EXPERIENCES OF MY
LIFE!
WHAT, THE BAND CAME IN LATE?

LIFE!
WHAT, THE BAND CAME IN LATE?
THE BAND IS FINE!

WHAT, THE BAND CAME IN LATE?
THE BAND IS FINE!
IT'S NOT THE BAND!

THE BAND IS FINE!
IT'S NOT THE BAND!
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE

IT'S NOT THE BAND!
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE
PROBLEM IS.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE
PROBLEM IS.
THE PROBLEM IS I'M SINGING

PROBLEM IS.
THE PROBLEM IS I'M SINGING
"STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE

THE PROBLEM IS I'M SINGING
"STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE
YEARS" IN A TURKEY OUTFIT!

"STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE
YEARS" IN A TURKEY OUTFIT!
WOULD YOU LIKE TO SING IN A

YEARS" IN A TURKEY OUTFIT!
WOULD YOU LIKE TO SING IN A
TURKEY OUTFIT?

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SING IN A
TURKEY OUTFIT?
I THOUGHT IT WORKED GREAT.

TURKEY OUTFIT?
I THOUGHT IT WORKED GREAT.
YEAH?

I THOUGHT IT WORKED GREAT.
YEAH?
WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE,

YEAH?
WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE,
JAN-MICHAEL VINCENT HERE?

WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE,
JAN-MICHAEL VINCENT HERE?
YOU THINK I'M LOOKING GOOD?

JAN-MICHAEL VINCENT HERE?
YOU THINK I'M LOOKING GOOD?
YOU LOOK GREAT! HONESTLY.

YOU THINK I'M LOOKING GOOD?
YOU LOOK GREAT! HONESTLY.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO CHANGE?

YOU LOOK GREAT! HONESTLY.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO CHANGE?
YEAH, LET'S JUST DO THAT.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO CHANGE?
YEAH, LET'S JUST DO THAT.
LET'S SAY IT WAS A DIFFERENCE OF

YEAH, LET'S JUST DO THAT.
LET'S SAY IT WAS A DIFFERENCE OF
OPINION.

LET'S SAY IT WAS A DIFFERENCE OF
OPINION.
MAYBE IT WAS A DIFFERENCE OF

OPINION.
MAYBE IT WAS A DIFFERENCE OF
OPINION, BUT I THINK IT WORKED

MAYBE IT WAS A DIFFERENCE OF
OPINION, BUT I THINK IT WORKED
GREAT.

OPINION, BUT I THINK IT WORKED
GREAT.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS

GREAT.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS
FOLLOWING MESSAGE.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS
FOLLOWING MESSAGE.
I CAN'T FIT THROUGH THE DOOR!

FOLLOWING MESSAGE.
I CAN'T FIT THROUGH THE DOOR!
ALL RIGHT, I'LL HELP YOU.

[MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]
♪ THIS WORLD'S A-CHANGIN'
FASTER ♪

♪ THIS WORLD'S A-CHANGIN'
FASTER ♪
♪ THAN A TEARDROP TURNS TO

FASTER ♪
♪ THAN A TEARDROP TURNS TO
LAUGHTER ♪

♪ THAN A TEARDROP TURNS TO
LAUGHTER ♪
♪ BUT SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE ♪

LAUGHTER ♪
♪ BUT SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE ♪
♪ AND THEY'RE THE THINGS THAT

♪ BUT SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE ♪
♪ AND THEY'RE THE THINGS THAT
REALLY MATTER ♪

♪ AND THEY'RE THE THINGS THAT
REALLY MATTER ♪
♪ LIKE WEATHER VANES AND COUNTRY

REALLY MATTER ♪
♪ LIKE WEATHER VANES AND COUNTRY
LANES ♪

♪ LIKE WEATHER VANES AND COUNTRY
LANES ♪
♪ WHERE CRICKETS CHIRP

LANES ♪
♪ WHERE CRICKETS CHIRP
AT NIGHT ♪

♪ WHERE CRICKETS CHIRP
AT NIGHT ♪
♪ AND BREAKFAST IN THE EARLY

AT NIGHT ♪
♪ AND BREAKFAST IN THE EARLY
MORNING ♪

♪ AND BREAKFAST IN THE EARLY
MORNING ♪
♪ TO START YOUR DAY OFF RIGHT ♪

MORNING ♪
♪ TO START YOUR DAY OFF RIGHT ♪
OUT HERE ON A FARM,

♪ TO START YOUR DAY OFF RIGHT ♪
OUT HERE ON A FARM,
BREAKFAST IS OUR MOST IMPORTANT

OUT HERE ON A FARM,
BREAKFAST IS OUR MOST IMPORTANT
MEAL.

BREAKFAST IS OUR MOST IMPORTANT
MEAL.
THAT'S WHY WE START EACH DAY

MEAL.
THAT'S WHY WE START EACH DAY
THE NATURAL WAY...

THAT'S WHY WE START EACH DAY
THE NATURAL WAY...
WITH A BIG BRIMMING BOWL OF

THE NATURAL WAY...
WITH A BIG BRIMMING BOWL OF
QUARRY.

WITH A BIG BRIMMING BOWL OF
QUARRY.
QUARRY CONTAINS NO

QUARRY.
QUARRY CONTAINS NO
PRESERVATIVES, NO ADDITIVES, NO

QUARRY CONTAINS NO
PRESERVATIVES, NO ADDITIVES, NO
ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING.

PRESERVATIVES, NO ADDITIVES, NO
ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING.
AND IT'S MADE WITHOUT THE USE OF

ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING.
AND IT'S MADE WITHOUT THE USE OF
PESTICIDES OR INORGANIC

AND IT'S MADE WITHOUT THE USE OF
PESTICIDES OR INORGANIC
FERTILIZER.

PESTICIDES OR INORGANIC
FERTILIZER.
BECAUSE QUARRY ISN'T GROWN...

FERTILIZER.
BECAUSE QUARRY ISN'T GROWN...
IT'S MINED.

BECAUSE QUARRY ISN'T GROWN...
IT'S MINED.
HERE'S A READY-TO-EAT CEREAL

IT'S MINED.
HERE'S A READY-TO-EAT CEREAL
THAT'S PURE 100% ROCKS AND

HERE'S A READY-TO-EAT CEREAL
THAT'S PURE 100% ROCKS AND
PEBBLES, WITH A HEARTY,

THAT'S PURE 100% ROCKS AND
PEBBLES, WITH A HEARTY,
OLD-FASHIONED FLAVOR THE

PEBBLES, WITH A HEARTY,
OLD-FASHIONED FLAVOR THE
WHOLE FAMILY WILL ENJOY.

[CRUNCHING]
MMM. GREAT, MOM.
IT'S REALLY GOOD.

MMM. GREAT, MOM.
IT'S REALLY GOOD.
IT'S DELICIOUS!

IT'S REALLY GOOD.
IT'S DELICIOUS!
AND IT'S GOOD FOR THEM

IT'S DELICIOUS!
AND IT'S GOOD FOR THEM
BECAUSE EVERY SERVING IS

AND IT'S GOOD FOR THEM
BECAUSE EVERY SERVING IS
CHOCK-FULL OF MINERALS.

BECAUSE EVERY SERVING IS
CHOCK-FULL OF MINERALS.
I LIKE QUARRY 'CAUSE IT'S

CHOCK-FULL OF MINERALS.
I LIKE QUARRY 'CAUSE IT'S
CRUNCHY.

I LIKE QUARRY 'CAUSE IT'S
CRUNCHY.
[CRUNCHING CONTINUES]

CRUNCHY.
[CRUNCHING CONTINUES]
WHAT?

[CRUNCHING CONTINUES]
WHAT?
I SAID, "I LIKE QUARRY 'CAUSE

WHAT?
I SAID, "I LIKE QUARRY 'CAUSE
IT'S CRUNCHY"!

I SAID, "I LIKE QUARRY 'CAUSE
IT'S CRUNCHY"!
SO, IF BREAKFAST IS IMPORTANT

IT'S CRUNCHY"!
SO, IF BREAKFAST IS IMPORTANT
TO YOU, START YOUR DAY THE

SO, IF BREAKFAST IS IMPORTANT
TO YOU, START YOUR DAY THE
NATURAL WAY...

TO YOU, START YOUR DAY THE
NATURAL WAY...
WITH QUARRY.

NATURAL WAY...
WITH QUARRY.
♪ LIKE SWIMMIN' HOLES AND

WITH QUARRY.
♪ LIKE SWIMMIN' HOLES AND
BRIMMIN' BOWLS OF CEREAL MADE

♪ LIKE SWIMMIN' HOLES AND
BRIMMIN' BOWLS OF CEREAL MADE
FROM STONE ♪

[INTRO TO "50 WAYS TO LEAVE
YOUR LOVER" PLAYS]
♪ "THE PROBLEM IS ALL INSIDE

[YOUR LOVER" PLAYS]
♪ "THE PROBLEM IS ALL INSIDE
YOUR HEAD," SHE SAID TO ME ♪

♪ "THE PROBLEM IS ALL INSIDE
YOUR HEAD," SHE SAID TO ME ♪
♪ "THE ANSWER IS EASY IF YOU

YOUR HEAD," SHE SAID TO ME ♪
♪ "THE ANSWER IS EASY IF YOU
TAKE IT LOGICALLY ♪

♪ "THE ANSWER IS EASY IF YOU
TAKE IT LOGICALLY ♪
♪ I'D LIKE TO HELP YOU IN YOUR

TAKE IT LOGICALLY ♪
♪ I'D LIKE TO HELP YOU IN YOUR
STRUGGLE TO BE FREE ♪

♪ I'D LIKE TO HELP YOU IN YOUR
STRUGGLE TO BE FREE ♪
♪ THERE MUST BE 50 WAYS TO LEAVE

STRUGGLE TO BE FREE ♪
♪ THERE MUST BE 50 WAYS TO LEAVE
YOUR LOVER" ♪

♪ THERE MUST BE 50 WAYS TO LEAVE
YOUR LOVER" ♪
♪ SHE SAID, "IT'S REALLY NOT MY

YOUR LOVER" ♪
♪ SHE SAID, "IT'S REALLY NOT MY
HABIT TO INTRUDE ♪

♪ SHE SAID, "IT'S REALLY NOT MY
HABIT TO INTRUDE ♪
♪ FURTHERMORE, I HOPE MY MEANING

HABIT TO INTRUDE ♪
♪ FURTHERMORE, I HOPE MY MEANING
WON'T BE LOST OR MISCONSTRUED ♪

♪ FURTHERMORE, I HOPE MY MEANING
WON'T BE LOST OR MISCONSTRUED ♪
♪ SO I'LL REPEAT MYSELF

WON'T BE LOST OR MISCONSTRUED ♪
♪ SO I'LL REPEAT MYSELF
AT THE RISK OF BEING CRUDE ♪

♪ SO I'LL REPEAT MYSELF
AT THE RISK OF BEING CRUDE ♪
♪ THERE MUST BE 50 WAYS TO LEAVE

AT THE RISK OF BEING CRUDE ♪
♪ THERE MUST BE 50 WAYS TO LEAVE
YOUR LOVER ♪

♪ THERE MUST BE 50 WAYS TO LEAVE
YOUR LOVER ♪
♪ 50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER" ♪

YOUR LOVER ♪
♪ 50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER" ♪
♪ JUST SLIP OUT THE BACK, JACK ♪

♪ 50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER" ♪
♪ JUST SLIP OUT THE BACK, JACK ♪
♪ MAKE A NEW PLAN, STAN ♪

♪ JUST SLIP OUT THE BACK, JACK ♪
♪ MAKE A NEW PLAN, STAN ♪
♪ DON'T NEED TO BE COY, ROY ♪

♪ MAKE A NEW PLAN, STAN ♪
♪ DON'T NEED TO BE COY, ROY ♪
♪ JUST LISTEN TO ME ♪

♪ DON'T NEED TO BE COY, ROY ♪
♪ JUST LISTEN TO ME ♪
♪ HOP ON THE BUS, GUS ♪

♪ JUST LISTEN TO ME ♪
♪ HOP ON THE BUS, GUS ♪
♪ NO NEED TO DISCUSS MUCH ♪

♪ HOP ON THE BUS, GUS ♪
♪ NO NEED TO DISCUSS MUCH ♪
♪ JUST DROP OFF THE KEY, LEE ♪

♪ NO NEED TO DISCUSS MUCH ♪
♪ JUST DROP OFF THE KEY, LEE ♪
♪ AND GET YOURSELF FREE ♪

♪ JUST DROP OFF THE KEY, LEE ♪
♪ AND GET YOURSELF FREE ♪
[GUITAR SOLO]

♪ SHE SAID, "IT GRIEVES ME SO
TO SEE YOU IN SUCH PAIN ♪
♪ I WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING I

TO SEE YOU IN SUCH PAIN ♪
♪ I WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING I
COULD DO TO MAKE YOU SMILE

♪ I WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING I
COULD DO TO MAKE YOU SMILE
AGAIN ♪

COULD DO TO MAKE YOU SMILE
AGAIN ♪
♪ I SAID, "HEY, I APPRECIATE

AGAIN ♪
♪ I SAID, "HEY, I APPRECIATE
THAT ♪

♪ I SAID, "HEY, I APPRECIATE
THAT ♪
♪ AND WOULD YOU PLEASE EXPLAIN

THAT ♪
♪ AND WOULD YOU PLEASE EXPLAIN
ABOUT THE 50 WAYS?" ♪

♪ AND WOULD YOU PLEASE EXPLAIN
ABOUT THE 50 WAYS?" ♪
♪ SHE SAID, "WHY DON'T WE BOTH

ABOUT THE 50 WAYS?" ♪
♪ SHE SAID, "WHY DON'T WE BOTH
JUST SLEEP ON IT TONIGHT? ♪

♪ SHE SAID, "WHY DON'T WE BOTH
JUST SLEEP ON IT TONIGHT? ♪
♪ AND I BELIEVE IN THE MORNING

JUST SLEEP ON IT TONIGHT? ♪
♪ AND I BELIEVE IN THE MORNING
YOU'LL BEGIN TO SEE THE LIGHT" ♪

♪ AND I BELIEVE IN THE MORNING
YOU'LL BEGIN TO SEE THE LIGHT" ♪
♪ AND THEN SHE KISSED ME AND I

YOU'LL BEGIN TO SEE THE LIGHT" ♪
♪ AND THEN SHE KISSED ME AND I
REALIZED SHE PROBABLY WAS

♪ AND THEN SHE KISSED ME AND I
REALIZED SHE PROBABLY WAS
RIGHT ♪

REALIZED SHE PROBABLY WAS
RIGHT ♪
♪ THERE MUST BE 50 WAYS TO LEAVE

RIGHT ♪
♪ THERE MUST BE 50 WAYS TO LEAVE
YOUR LOVER ♪

♪ THERE MUST BE 50 WAYS TO LEAVE
YOUR LOVER ♪
♪ 50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER ♪

YOUR LOVER ♪
♪ 50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER ♪
♪ JUST SLIP OUT THE BACK, JACK ♪

♪ 50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER ♪
♪ JUST SLIP OUT THE BACK, JACK ♪
♪ YOU MAKE A NEW PLAN, STAN ♪

♪ JUST SLIP OUT THE BACK, JACK ♪
♪ YOU MAKE A NEW PLAN, STAN ♪
♪ DON'T NEED TO BE COY, ROY ♪

♪ YOU MAKE A NEW PLAN, STAN ♪
♪ DON'T NEED TO BE COY, ROY ♪
♪ JUST LISTEN TO ME ♪

♪ DON'T NEED TO BE COY, ROY ♪
♪ JUST LISTEN TO ME ♪
♪ HOP ON THE BUS, GUS ♪

♪ JUST LISTEN TO ME ♪
♪ HOP ON THE BUS, GUS ♪
♪ DON'T NEED TO DISCUSS MUCH ♪

♪ HOP ON THE BUS, GUS ♪
♪ DON'T NEED TO DISCUSS MUCH ♪
♪ JUST DROP OFF THE KEY, LEE ♪

♪ DON'T NEED TO DISCUSS MUCH ♪
♪ JUST DROP OFF THE KEY, LEE ♪
♪ AND GET YOURSELF FREE ♪

♪ JUST DROP OFF THE KEY, LEE ♪
♪ AND GET YOURSELF FREE ♪
♪ OOH, SLIP OUT THE BACK, JACK ♪

♪ AND GET YOURSELF FREE ♪
♪ OOH, SLIP OUT THE BACK, JACK ♪
♪ MAKE A NEW PLAN, STAN ♪

♪ OOH, SLIP OUT THE BACK, JACK ♪
♪ MAKE A NEW PLAN, STAN ♪
♪ DON'T NEED TO BE COY, ROY ♪

♪ MAKE A NEW PLAN, STAN ♪
♪ DON'T NEED TO BE COY, ROY ♪
♪ JUST LISTEN TO ME ♪

♪ DON'T NEED TO BE COY, ROY ♪
♪ JUST LISTEN TO ME ♪
♪ HOP ON THE BUS, GUS ♪

♪ JUST LISTEN TO ME ♪
♪ HOP ON THE BUS, GUS ♪
♪ YOU DON'T NEED TO DISCUSS

♪ HOP ON THE BUS, GUS ♪
♪ YOU DON'T NEED TO DISCUSS
MUCH ♪

♪ YOU DON'T NEED TO DISCUSS
MUCH ♪
♪ JUST DROP OFF THE KEY, LEE ♪

MUCH ♪
♪ JUST DROP OFF THE KEY, LEE ♪
♪ AND GET YOURSELF FREE ♪

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.

HELLO! I'M BABA WAWA!
AND WELCOME TO
"BABA WAWA AT WARGE."

AND WELCOME TO
"BABA WAWA AT WARGE."
WE ARE INDEED WUCKY TO HAVE AS

"BABA WAWA AT WARGE."
WE ARE INDEED WUCKY TO HAVE AS
OUR GUEST TONIGHT THE GWEATWY

WE ARE INDEED WUCKY TO HAVE AS
OUR GUEST TONIGHT THE GWEATWY
WESPECTED AND WORLD-WENOWNED

OUR GUEST TONIGHT THE GWEATWY
WESPECTED AND WORLD-WENOWNED
CWEATOR OF SHUTTLE DIPWOMACY,

WESPECTED AND WORLD-WENOWNED
CWEATOR OF SHUTTLE DIPWOMACY,
SOMETIMES CONTROVEWSIAL, BUT

CWEATOR OF SHUTTLE DIPWOMACY,
SOMETIMES CONTROVEWSIAL, BUT
TO MY MIND, A WEALLY WEGULAR

SOMETIMES CONTROVEWSIAL, BUT
TO MY MIND, A WEALLY WEGULAR
GUY... SECWETARY OF STATE

TO MY MIND, A WEALLY WEGULAR
GUY... SECWETARY OF STATE
DR. HENWY KISSINGER.

GUY... SECWETARY OF STATE
DR. HENWY KISSINGER.
DR. KISSINGER, YOU ONCE SAID

DR. HENWY KISSINGER.
DR. KISSINGER, YOU ONCE SAID
THAT POWER IS THE GWEATEST

DR. KISSINGER, YOU ONCE SAID
THAT POWER IS THE GWEATEST
APHWODISIAC.

THAT POWER IS THE GWEATEST
APHWODISIAC.
WHAT EXACTLY TO YOU MEAN BY

APHWODISIAC.
WHAT EXACTLY TO YOU MEAN BY
THIS?

WHAT EXACTLY TO YOU MEAN BY
THIS?
[German accent] WELL, HAVE

THIS?
[German accent] WELL, HAVE
YOU EVER STUDIED A NUCLEAR

[German accent] WELL, HAVE
YOU EVER STUDIED A NUCLEAR
WARHEAD?

YOU EVER STUDIED A NUCLEAR
WARHEAD?
ONCE, WHEN I WAS WORKING ON A

WARHEAD?
ONCE, WHEN I WAS WORKING ON A
WHITE PAPER WEPORT ON NUCWEAR

ONCE, WHEN I WAS WORKING ON A
WHITE PAPER WEPORT ON NUCWEAR
PROWIFEWATION.

WHITE PAPER WEPORT ON NUCWEAR
PROWIFEWATION.
DR. KISSINGER, IN A PWEVIOUS

PROWIFEWATION.
DR. KISSINGER, IN A PWEVIOUS
INTERVIEW WITH THE ITALIAN

DR. KISSINGER, IN A PWEVIOUS
INTERVIEW WITH THE ITALIAN
BABA WAWA, AWIANA FAWACCI, OR

INTERVIEW WITH THE ITALIAN
BABA WAWA, AWIANA FAWACCI, OR
WHATEVER HER NAME IS, YOU

BABA WAWA, AWIANA FAWACCI, OR
WHATEVER HER NAME IS, YOU
WEFERRED TO YOURSELF AS A

WHATEVER HER NAME IS, YOU
WEFERRED TO YOURSELF AS A
GUNSWINGER, SORT OF A WONE

WEFERRED TO YOURSELF AS A
GUNSWINGER, SORT OF A WONE
WANGER OF FOWEIGN POWICY.

GUNSWINGER, SORT OF A WONE
WANGER OF FOWEIGN POWICY.
UH...

WANGER OF FOWEIGN POWICY.
UH...
OH...

UH...
OH...
NO.

OH...
NO.
LONE RANGER?

NO.
LONE RANGER?
I NEVER SAID THAT.

LONE RANGER?
I NEVER SAID THAT.
LONE RANGER? COME ON.

I NEVER SAID THAT.
LONE RANGER? COME ON.
BUT, DR. KISSINGER, YOU DID

LONE RANGER? COME ON.
BUT, DR. KISSINGER, YOU DID
WEFER TO PRESIDENT NIXON AS

BUT, DR. KISSINGER, YOU DID
WEFER TO PRESIDENT NIXON AS
THE MEATBALL PWESIDENT.

WEFER TO PRESIDENT NIXON AS
THE MEATBALL PWESIDENT.
NOW, WHAT DO YOU CALL

THE MEATBALL PWESIDENT.
NOW, WHAT DO YOU CALL
PWESIDENT FORD?

NOW, WHAT DO YOU CALL
PWESIDENT FORD?
TONTO.

PWESIDENT FORD?
TONTO.
JUST KIDDING. TONTO.

TONTO.
JUST KIDDING. TONTO.
DOCTOR, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY

JUST KIDDING. TONTO.
DOCTOR, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY
WAS THE HIGH POINT OF YOUR

DOCTOR, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY
WAS THE HIGH POINT OF YOUR
TENURE AS SECWETARY OF STATE?

WAS THE HIGH POINT OF YOUR
TENURE AS SECWETARY OF STATE?
WELL, I WOULD SAY IN 1973

TENURE AS SECWETARY OF STATE?
WELL, I WOULD SAY IN 1973
WHEN I WON THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE

WELL, I WOULD SAY IN 1973
WHEN I WON THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
FOR ENDING THE VIETNAM WAR.

WHEN I WON THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
FOR ENDING THE VIETNAM WAR.
AND THE LOW POINT?

FOR ENDING THE VIETNAM WAR.
AND THE LOW POINT?
I'D SAY 1975 WHEN THE

AND THE LOW POINT?
I'D SAY 1975 WHEN THE
VIETNAM WAR ENDED.

I'D SAY 1975 WHEN THE
VIETNAM WAR ENDED.
DR. KISSINGER, IN CONCWUSION,

VIETNAM WAR ENDED.
DR. KISSINGER, IN CONCWUSION,
THERE IS ONE THING THAT WEAWY,

DR. KISSINGER, IN CONCWUSION,
THERE IS ONE THING THAT WEAWY,
WEAWY IWITATES ME ABOUT YOU...

THERE IS ONE THING THAT WEAWY,
WEAWY IWITATES ME ABOUT YOU...
AFTER 40 YEARS OF BEING IN THIS

WEAWY IWITATES ME ABOUT YOU...
AFTER 40 YEARS OF BEING IN THIS
COUNTWY, WHY DO YOU STILL TALK

AFTER 40 YEARS OF BEING IN THIS
COUNTWY, WHY DO YOU STILL TALK
WITH THAT SIWWY, SIWWY ACCENT?

COUNTWY, WHY DO YOU STILL TALK
WITH THAT SIWWY, SIWWY ACCENT?
WELL, IF YOU TALK WITH A

WITH THAT SIWWY, SIWWY ACCENT?
WELL, IF YOU TALK WITH A
GERMAN ACCENT, IT HELPS PEOPLE

WELL, IF YOU TALK WITH A
GERMAN ACCENT, IT HELPS PEOPLE
FORGET THAT YOU ARE JEWISH, YOU

GERMAN ACCENT, IT HELPS PEOPLE
FORGET THAT YOU ARE JEWISH, YOU
SEE?

FORGET THAT YOU ARE JEWISH, YOU
SEE?
CAN YOU SAY THIS...

SEE?
CAN YOU SAY THIS...
"I AM A WEAWY, WEAWY FAT,

CAN YOU SAY THIS...
"I AM A WEAWY, WEAWY FAT,
WOWY-POWY DIPLOMAT"?

"I AM A WEAWY, WEAWY FAT,
WOWY-POWY DIPLOMAT"?
"I'M A WEAWY, WEAWY FAT,

WOWY-POWY DIPLOMAT"?
"I'M A WEAWY, WEAWY FAT,
WOWY-POWY DIPLOMAT," YOU

"I'M A WEAWY, WEAWY FAT,
WOWY-POWY DIPLOMAT," YOU
SIWWY WABBIT.

WOWY-POWY DIPLOMAT," YOU
SIWWY WABBIT.
OKAY?

SIWWY WABBIT.
OKAY?
WE'VE JUST ABOUT WUN OUT OF

OKAY?
WE'VE JUST ABOUT WUN OUT OF
TIME.

WE'VE JUST ABOUT WUN OUT OF
TIME.
DOCTOR, AS EVERYONE KNOWS, I,

TIME.
DOCTOR, AS EVERYONE KNOWS, I,
BABA WAWA, WAS THE FIRST TO

DOCTOR, AS EVERYONE KNOWS, I,
BABA WAWA, WAS THE FIRST TO
EXCLUSIVEWY INTERVIEW YOU AS

BABA WAWA, WAS THE FIRST TO
EXCLUSIVEWY INTERVIEW YOU AS
SECRETAWY OF STATE.

EXCLUSIVEWY INTERVIEW YOU AS
SECRETAWY OF STATE.
NOW, WITH

SECRETAWY OF STATE.
NOW, WITH
PWESIDENT-EWECT CARTER,

NOW, WITH
PWESIDENT-EWECT CARTER,
WHO PWOMISED TO WEPWACE YOU,

PWESIDENT-EWECT CARTER,
WHO PWOMISED TO WEPWACE YOU,
I MAY BE THE WAST.

WHO PWOMISED TO WEPWACE YOU,
I MAY BE THE WAST.
HAVE YOU ANY FINAL WORDS FOR

I MAY BE THE WAST.
HAVE YOU ANY FINAL WORDS FOR
THE AMEWICAN PUBWIC?

HAVE YOU ANY FINAL WORDS FOR
THE AMEWICAN PUBWIC?
NO.

THE AMEWICAN PUBWIC?
NO.
THANK YOU VEWY MUCH.

NO.
THANK YOU VEWY MUCH.
THIS IS BABA WAWA SAYING HAVE A

THANK YOU VEWY MUCH.
THIS IS BABA WAWA SAYING HAVE A
PWEASANT WEEKEND.

THIS IS BABA WAWA SAYING HAVE A
PWEASANT WEEKEND.
[MUMBLES]

["TWILIGHT ZONE" THEME PLAYS]

YOU'RE TRAVELING TO ANOTHER
DIMENSION, A DIMENSION OF TIME
AND OF SPACE, A DIMENSION OF

DIMENSION, A DIMENSION OF TIME
AND OF SPACE, A DIMENSION OF
SIGHT AND OF MIND.

AND OF SPACE, A DIMENSION OF
SIGHT AND OF MIND.
YOU'RE MOVING INTO A LAND OF

SIGHT AND OF MIND.
YOU'RE MOVING INTO A LAND OF
BOTH SHADOW AND SUBSTANCE.

YOU'RE MOVING INTO A LAND OF
BOTH SHADOW AND SUBSTANCE.
YOU'VE JUST CROSSED OVER INTO

BOTH SHADOW AND SUBSTANCE.
YOU'VE JUST CROSSED OVER INTO
THE "TWILITE ZONE."

YOU'VE JUST CROSSED OVER INTO
THE "TWILITE ZONE."
MEET BETTY MARTIN.

THE "TWILITE ZONE."
MEET BETTY MARTIN.
AGE 27.

MEET BETTY MARTIN.
AGE 27.
A STRUGGLING ACTRESS WORKING AS

AGE 27.
A STRUGGLING ACTRESS WORKING AS
A MODEL.

A STRUGGLING ACTRESS WORKING AS
A MODEL.
TOLD TO MEET A CERTAIN PRODUCER

A MODEL.
TOLD TO MEET A CERTAIN PRODUCER
BY HER AGENT PEGGY, WHO'S JUST

TOLD TO MEET A CERTAIN PRODUCER
BY HER AGENT PEGGY, WHO'S JUST
CHECKED INTO ROOM 16 OF THE

BY HER AGENT PEGGY, WHO'S JUST
CHECKED INTO ROOM 16 OF THE
BLAINE MOTEL, A MOTEL WHERE

CHECKED INTO ROOM 16 OF THE
BLAINE MOTEL, A MOTEL WHERE
THERE ARE NO CHECK-OUT TIMES, NO

BLAINE MOTEL, A MOTEL WHERE
THERE ARE NO CHECK-OUT TIMES, NO
ROOM SERVICE, AND, FOR SOME

THERE ARE NO CHECK-OUT TIMES, NO
ROOM SERVICE, AND, FOR SOME
REASON, NO SINKS.

ROOM SERVICE, AND, FOR SOME
REASON, NO SINKS.
SHE'S JUST GOTTEN A ROOM

REASON, NO SINKS.
SHE'S JUST GOTTEN A ROOM
RESERVED FOR GUESTS OF THE

SHE'S JUST GOTTEN A ROOM
RESERVED FOR GUESTS OF THE
"TWILITE ZONE."

RESERVED FOR GUESTS OF THE
"TWILITE ZONE."
[KEYS JINGLE]

"TWILITE ZONE."
[KEYS JINGLE]
[SCREAMS]

[KEYS JINGLE]
[SCREAMS]
[GASPS]

[SCREAMS]
[GASPS]
I'M TERRIBLY SORRY!

[GASPS]
I'M TERRIBLY SORRY!
MY GOODNESS.

I'M TERRIBLY SORRY!
MY GOODNESS.
YOU FRIGHTENED ME.

MY GOODNESS.
YOU FRIGHTENED ME.
WELL, I'M SUPPOSED TO MEET

YOU FRIGHTENED ME.
WELL, I'M SUPPOSED TO MEET
SOMEONE HERE.

WELL, I'M SUPPOSED TO MEET
SOMEONE HERE.
THIS IS ROOM 16, ISN'T IT?

SOMEONE HERE.
THIS IS ROOM 16, ISN'T IT?
YES.

THIS IS ROOM 16, ISN'T IT?
YES.
MEET MEET SYLVIA TOWNSEND.

YES.
MEET MEET SYLVIA TOWNSEND.
AGE 26.

MEET MEET SYLVIA TOWNSEND.
AGE 26.
A STRUGGLING ACTRESS WORKING

AGE 26.
A STRUGGLING ACTRESS WORKING
NIGHTS AS A COCKTAIL WAITRESS AT

A STRUGGLING ACTRESS WORKING
NIGHTS AS A COCKTAIL WAITRESS AT
THE EL PADRINO BAR, A SEEDY

NIGHTS AS A COCKTAIL WAITRESS AT
THE EL PADRINO BAR, A SEEDY
ESTABLISHMENT PATRONIZED

THE EL PADRINO BAR, A SEEDY
ESTABLISHMENT PATRONIZED
BY DOWN-AND-OUT THEATRICAL

ESTABLISHMENT PATRONIZED
BY DOWN-AND-OUT THEATRICAL
AGENTS.

BY DOWN-AND-OUT THEATRICAL
AGENTS.
SYLVIA, TOO, HAS JUST CHECKED

AGENTS.
SYLVIA, TOO, HAS JUST CHECKED
INTO THE "TWILITE ZONE."

SYLVIA, TOO, HAS JUST CHECKED
INTO THE "TWILITE ZONE."
[SIGHS]

INTO THE "TWILITE ZONE."
[SIGHS]
YOU FRIGHTENED ME AT FIRST.

[SIGHS]
YOU FRIGHTENED ME AT FIRST.
THEY MUST HAVE MADE A MISTAKE AT

YOU FRIGHTENED ME AT FIRST.
THEY MUST HAVE MADE A MISTAKE AT
THE DESK.

THEY MUST HAVE MADE A MISTAKE AT
THE DESK.
HERE, YOU SIT, AND I'LL GO CALL.

THE DESK.
HERE, YOU SIT, AND I'LL GO CALL.
THIS REALLY IS UNUSUAL.

HERE, YOU SIT, AND I'LL GO CALL.
THIS REALLY IS UNUSUAL.
A CUSTOMER OF MINE SAID HE WAS A

THIS REALLY IS UNUSUAL.
A CUSTOMER OF MINE SAID HE WAS A
PRODUCER, AND HE HAD ME MEET HIM

A CUSTOMER OF MINE SAID HE WAS A
PRODUCER, AND HE HAD ME MEET HIM
UP HERE IN THIS ROOM FOR AN

PRODUCER, AND HE HAD ME MEET HIM
UP HERE IN THIS ROOM FOR AN
AUDITION.

UP HERE IN THIS ROOM FOR AN
AUDITION.
THE LINE IS DEAD.

AUDITION.
THE LINE IS DEAD.
[KEYS JINGLING]

THE LINE IS DEAD.
[KEYS JINGLING]
[DOOR RATTLING]

[KEYS JINGLING]
[DOOR RATTLING]
OH! IS THIS ROOM 16?

[DOOR RATTLING]
OH! IS THIS ROOM 16?
Both: YES!

OH! IS THIS ROOM 16?
Both: YES!
NO WONDER IT WAS ONLY $7 A

Both: YES!
NO WONDER IT WAS ONLY $7 A
NIGHT.

NO WONDER IT WAS ONLY $7 A
NIGHT.
YOU HAVE TO SHARE.

NIGHT.
YOU HAVE TO SHARE.
MEET RHONDA FRIEDMAN.

YOU HAVE TO SHARE.
MEET RHONDA FRIEDMAN.
AGE 26.

MEET RHONDA FRIEDMAN.
AGE 26.
A STRUGGLING ACTRESS CURRENTLY

AGE 26.
A STRUGGLING ACTRESS CURRENTLY
WORKING IN A FACTORY TESTING

A STRUGGLING ACTRESS CURRENTLY
WORKING IN A FACTORY TESTING
RUBBER GLOVES FOR IMPERFECTIONS.

WORKING IN A FACTORY TESTING
RUBBER GLOVES FOR IMPERFECTIONS.
WHAT RHONDA DOESN'T KNOW IS

RUBBER GLOVES FOR IMPERFECTIONS.
WHAT RHONDA DOESN'T KNOW IS
THAT SHE, TOO, HAS JUST ENTERED

WHAT RHONDA DOESN'T KNOW IS
THAT SHE, TOO, HAS JUST ENTERED
THE "TWILITE ZONE."

THAT SHE, TOO, HAS JUST ENTERED
THE "TWILITE ZONE."
I GUESS THERE MUST BE

THE "TWILITE ZONE."
I GUESS THERE MUST BE
SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE MANAGER

I GUESS THERE MUST BE
SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE MANAGER
OF THIS PLACE, SENDING ALL THREE

SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE MANAGER
OF THIS PLACE, SENDING ALL THREE
OF US YOUNG ACTRESSES TO THE

OF THIS PLACE, SENDING ALL THREE
OF US YOUNG ACTRESSES TO THE
SAME ROOM.

OF US YOUNG ACTRESSES TO THE
SAME ROOM.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]

SAME ROOM.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
WHAT IS IT?!

[KNOCK ON DOOR]
WHAT IS IT?!
ROO-O-O-M SERVICE!

WHAT IS IT?!
ROO-O-O-M SERVICE!
ROOM SERVICE?

ROO-O-O-M SERVICE!
ROOM SERVICE?
UH-HUH.

ROOM SERVICE?
UH-HUH.
CHAMPAGNE.

UH-HUH.
CHAMPAGNE.
CHAMPAGNE?

CHAMPAGNE.
CHAMPAGNE?
YES.

CHAMPAGNE?
YES.
IT'S FROM A... MR. SERLING.

YES.
IT'S FROM A... MR. SERLING.
THAT'S FUNNY.

IT'S FROM A... MR. SERLING.
THAT'S FUNNY.
I DIDN'T KNOW THIS MOTEL HAD

THAT'S FUNNY.
I DIDN'T KNOW THIS MOTEL HAD
ROOM SERVICE.

I DIDN'T KNOW THIS MOTEL HAD
ROOM SERVICE.
WAIT! THERE'S MORE.

ROOM SERVICE.
WAIT! THERE'S MORE.
"COMPLIMENTS OF... THE

WAIT! THERE'S MORE.
"COMPLIMENTS OF... THE
'TWILITE ZONE.'"

"COMPLIMENTS OF... THE
'TWILITE ZONE.'"
[DOOR LOCKS]

'TWILITE ZONE.'"
[DOOR LOCKS]
[SQUEALS]

[DOOR LOCKS]
[SQUEALS]
THERE'S SOMEONE LOCKING THE

[SQUEALS]
THERE'S SOMEONE LOCKING THE
DOOR!

THERE'S SOMEONE LOCKING THE
DOOR!
NO!

DOOR!
NO!
[ALL SQUEALING]

NO!
[ALL SQUEALING]
SUBMITTED FOR YOUR

[ALL SQUEALING]
SUBMITTED FOR YOUR
APPROVAL...

SUBMITTED FOR YOUR
APPROVAL...
THREE PRETTY GIRLS,

APPROVAL...
THREE PRETTY GIRLS,
ALL OF THEM ACTRESSES,

THREE PRETTY GIRLS,
ALL OF THEM ACTRESSES,
LOCKED IN A MOTEL ROOM, EACH

ALL OF THEM ACTRESSES,
LOCKED IN A MOTEL ROOM, EACH
POSSESSING SIMILAR CHARMS AND

LOCKED IN A MOTEL ROOM, EACH
POSSESSING SIMILAR CHARMS AND
TALENTS.

POSSESSING SIMILAR CHARMS AND
TALENTS.
VICTIMS OF A BIZARRE JOKE,

TALENTS.
VICTIMS OF A BIZARRE JOKE,
PERHAPS.

VICTIMS OF A BIZARRE JOKE,
PERHAPS.
OR PERHAPS THIS... A MAN CREATES

PERHAPS.
OR PERHAPS THIS... A MAN CREATES
A TELEVISION SHOW.

OR PERHAPS THIS... A MAN CREATES
A TELEVISION SHOW.
HE GOES TO A LOT OF PARTIES.

A TELEVISION SHOW.
HE GOES TO A LOT OF PARTIES.
HE MEETS A LOT OF PRETTY

HE GOES TO A LOT OF PARTIES.
HE MEETS A LOT OF PRETTY
ACTRESSES.

HE MEETS A LOT OF PRETTY
ACTRESSES.
HE WAKES UP IN THE MORNING.

ACTRESSES.
HE WAKES UP IN THE MORNING.
PERHAPS HE'S HAD A LITTLE TOO

HE WAKES UP IN THE MORNING.
PERHAPS HE'S HAD A LITTLE TOO
MUCH TO DRINK.

PERHAPS HE'S HAD A LITTLE TOO
MUCH TO DRINK.
HE DOESN'T REMEMBER THE PROMISES

MUCH TO DRINK.
HE DOESN'T REMEMBER THE PROMISES
HE MADE THE NIGHT BEFORE.

HE DOESN'T REMEMBER THE PROMISES
HE MADE THE NIGHT BEFORE.
ALTHOUGH HE'S A BRILLIANT WRITER

HE MADE THE NIGHT BEFORE.
ALTHOUGH HE'S A BRILLIANT WRITER
AND CREATOR, HE IS ALSO HUMAN,

ALTHOUGH HE'S A BRILLIANT WRITER
AND CREATOR, HE IS ALSO HUMAN,
AND HE HAS HIS NEEDS.

AND CREATOR, HE IS ALSO HUMAN,
AND HE HAS HIS NEEDS.
THAT'S WHY HE ARRANGED THIS

AND HE HAS HIS NEEDS.
THAT'S WHY HE ARRANGED THIS
MEETING, AND, IN A FEW MOMENTS,

THAT'S WHY HE ARRANGED THIS
MEETING, AND, IN A FEW MOMENTS,
WILL CROSS FOREVER INTO THE

MEETING, AND, IN A FEW MOMENTS,
WILL CROSS FOREVER INTO THE
"TWILITE ZONE."

WILL CROSS FOREVER INTO THE
"TWILITE ZONE."
["TWILIGHT ZONE" THEME PLAYS]

Announcer: AND NOW,
"WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH
JANE CURTIN.

GOOD EVENING.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...
A LONG-TERM STUDY OF

OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...
A LONG-TERM STUDY OF
CONTRACEPTION HAS RESULTED IN A

A LONG-TERM STUDY OF
CONTRACEPTION HAS RESULTED IN A
HIGHLY FAVORABLE EVALUATION OF

CONTRACEPTION HAS RESULTED IN A
HIGHLY FAVORABLE EVALUATION OF
THE DIAPHRAGM, AS OPPOSED TO THE

HIGHLY FAVORABLE EVALUATION OF
THE DIAPHRAGM, AS OPPOSED TO THE
ORAL CONTRACEPTIVE PILL...

THE DIAPHRAGM, AS OPPOSED TO THE
ORAL CONTRACEPTIVE PILL...
WHICH HAS HAD CONTROVERSIES OVER

ORAL CONTRACEPTIVE PILL...
WHICH HAS HAD CONTROVERSIES OVER
ITS SIDE EFFECTS.

WHICH HAS HAD CONTROVERSIES OVER
ITS SIDE EFFECTS.
THE MAJOR COMPLAINT ABOUT THE

ITS SIDE EFFECTS.
THE MAJOR COMPLAINT ABOUT THE
DIAPHRAGM, COMPARED TO THE PILL,

THE MAJOR COMPLAINT ABOUT THE
DIAPHRAGM, COMPARED TO THE PILL,
IS THAT THE DIAPHRAGM IS MUCH

DIAPHRAGM, COMPARED TO THE PILL,
IS THAT THE DIAPHRAGM IS MUCH
HARDER TO SWALLOW.

IS THAT THE DIAPHRAGM IS MUCH
HARDER TO SWALLOW.
[LAUGHTER]

HARDER TO SWALLOW.
[LAUGHTER]
PATTY HEARST WAS RELEASED FROM

[LAUGHTER]
PATTY HEARST WAS RELEASED FROM
PRISON ON BAIL YESTERDAY,

PATTY HEARST WAS RELEASED FROM
PRISON ON BAIL YESTERDAY,
PENDING APPEALS OF HER TRIAL AT

PRISON ON BAIL YESTERDAY,
PENDING APPEALS OF HER TRIAL AT
A LATER DATE.

PENDING APPEALS OF HER TRIAL AT
A LATER DATE.
SHE WAS TAKEN FROM HER CELL AND

A LATER DATE.
SHE WAS TAKEN FROM HER CELL AND
DRIVEN HOME IN THE TRUNK OF A

SHE WAS TAKEN FROM HER CELL AND
DRIVEN HOME IN THE TRUNK OF A
CAR AND LOCKED IN A CLOSET FOR

DRIVEN HOME IN THE TRUNK OF A
CAR AND LOCKED IN A CLOSET FOR
OBVIOUS REASON OF SECURITY.

CAR AND LOCKED IN A CLOSET FOR
OBVIOUS REASON OF SECURITY.
THE BAIL WAS $1.5 MILLION IN

OBVIOUS REASON OF SECURITY.
THE BAIL WAS $1.5 MILLION IN
CASH AND BONDS, AND ALTHOUGH

THE BAIL WAS $1.5 MILLION IN
CASH AND BONDS, AND ALTHOUGH
OFFICIALS DENY THAT THE HEARST

CASH AND BONDS, AND ALTHOUGH
OFFICIALS DENY THAT THE HEARST
FORTUNE BOUGHT PATTY'S RELEASE,

OFFICIALS DENY THAT THE HEARST
FORTUNE BOUGHT PATTY'S RELEASE,
THEY DIDN'T DENY THAT THE

FORTUNE BOUGHT PATTY'S RELEASE,
THEY DIDN'T DENY THAT THE
CALIFORNIA STATE BUDGET HAS

THEY DIDN'T DENY THAT THE
CALIFORNIA STATE BUDGET HAS
FINALLY BEEN BALANCED FOR THE

CALIFORNIA STATE BUDGET HAS
FINALLY BEEN BALANCED FOR THE
FIRST TIME IN 75 YEARS.

FINALLY BEEN BALANCED FOR THE
FIRST TIME IN 75 YEARS.
STEVEN WEED, PATTY'S EX-FIANCé,

FIRST TIME IN 75 YEARS.
STEVEN WEED, PATTY'S EX-FIANCé,
WAS ASKED IF THE THOUGHT THE

STEVEN WEED, PATTY'S EX-FIANCé,
WAS ASKED IF THE THOUGHT THE
COUPLE WOULD GET BACK TOGETHER

WAS ASKED IF THE THOUGHT THE
COUPLE WOULD GET BACK TOGETHER
NOW THAT SHE'S HOME.

COUPLE WOULD GET BACK TOGETHER
NOW THAT SHE'S HOME.
WEED ANSWERED, "I'M USUALLY VERY

NOW THAT SHE'S HOME.
WEED ANSWERED, "I'M USUALLY VERY
UNDERSTANDING, BUT THIS GIRL HAS

WEED ANSWERED, "I'M USUALLY VERY
UNDERSTANDING, BUT THIS GIRL HAS
A LOT OF EXPLAINING TO DO."

UNDERSTANDING, BUT THIS GIRL HAS
A LOT OF EXPLAINING TO DO."
A REPORT RELEASED THIS WEEK BY

A LOT OF EXPLAINING TO DO."
A REPORT RELEASED THIS WEEK BY
CARTER CAMPAIGN TREASURER

A REPORT RELEASED THIS WEEK BY
CARTER CAMPAIGN TREASURER
ROBERT LIPSCHUTZ STATES THAT

CARTER CAMPAIGN TREASURER
ROBERT LIPSCHUTZ STATES THAT
JIMMY CARTER SPENT NEARLY

ROBERT LIPSCHUTZ STATES THAT
JIMMY CARTER SPENT NEARLY
$35 MILLION TO WIN THE

JIMMY CARTER SPENT NEARLY
$35 MILLION TO WIN THE
PRESIDENCY.

$35 MILLION TO WIN THE
PRESIDENCY.
THE PRESIDENT-ELECT IS SHOWN

PRESIDENCY.
THE PRESIDENT-ELECT IS SHOWN
HERE BEGGING ON THE STREETS OF

THE PRESIDENT-ELECT IS SHOWN
HERE BEGGING ON THE STREETS OF
PLAINS FOR MONEY TO MAKE UP HIS

HERE BEGGING ON THE STREETS OF
PLAINS FOR MONEY TO MAKE UP HIS
DEFICIT.

PLAINS FOR MONEY TO MAKE UP HIS
DEFICIT.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

DEFICIT.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
AT A PRIVATE BUSINESS GATHERING

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
AT A PRIVATE BUSINESS GATHERING
IN BOSTON, FORMER CALIFORNIA

AT A PRIVATE BUSINESS GATHERING
IN BOSTON, FORMER CALIFORNIA
GOVERNOR RONALD REAGAN SAID

IN BOSTON, FORMER CALIFORNIA
GOVERNOR RONALD REAGAN SAID
YESTERDAY THAT "IF AMERICA'S

GOVERNOR RONALD REAGAN SAID
YESTERDAY THAT "IF AMERICA'S
TWO-PARTY SYSTEM IS TO SURVIVE,

YESTERDAY THAT "IF AMERICA'S
TWO-PARTY SYSTEM IS TO SURVIVE,
THE REPUBLICAN PARTY NEEDS A NEW

TWO-PARTY SYSTEM IS TO SURVIVE,
THE REPUBLICAN PARTY NEEDS A NEW
SUPPORTING COALITION AND A NEW

THE REPUBLICAN PARTY NEEDS A NEW
SUPPORTING COALITION AND A NEW
NAME."

SUPPORTING COALITION AND A NEW
NAME."
TODAY, G.O.P. HEADQUARTERS IS

NAME."
TODAY, G.O.P. HEADQUARTERS IS
BEING FLOODED BY SUGGESTIONS

TODAY, G.O.P. HEADQUARTERS IS
BEING FLOODED BY SUGGESTIONS
FOR THE NEW NAME, THE MOST

BEING FLOODED BY SUGGESTIONS
FOR THE NEW NAME, THE MOST
POPULAR OF WHICH IS [BLEEP]

FOR THE NEW NAME, THE MOST
POPULAR OF WHICH IS [BLEEP]
FOLLOWED BY [BLEEP] AND FINALLY

POPULAR OF WHICH IS [BLEEP]
FOLLOWED BY [BLEEP] AND FINALLY
"THE SUPREMES."

FOLLOWED BY [BLEEP] AND FINALLY
"THE SUPREMES."
[LAUGHTER]

"THE SUPREMES."
[LAUGHTER]
WELL, FOR QUITE SOME TIME NOW,

[LAUGHTER]
WELL, FOR QUITE SOME TIME NOW,
THE AREA KNOWN AS THE

WELL, FOR QUITE SOME TIME NOW,
THE AREA KNOWN AS THE
BERMUDA TRIANGLE HAS

THE AREA KNOWN AS THE
BERMUDA TRIANGLE HAS
MYSTERIOUSLY ACCOUNTED FOR THE

BERMUDA TRIANGLE HAS
MYSTERIOUSLY ACCOUNTED FOR THE
DISAPPEARANCE OF PLANES AND

MYSTERIOUSLY ACCOUNTED FOR THE
DISAPPEARANCE OF PLANES AND
BOATS THAT TRAVEL THROUGH IT.

DISAPPEARANCE OF PLANES AND
BOATS THAT TRAVEL THROUGH IT.
BUT TODAY, IT WAS DISCOVERED

BOATS THAT TRAVEL THROUGH IT.
BUT TODAY, IT WAS DISCOVERED
THAT THE TRIANGLE WAS ONLY PART

BUT TODAY, IT WAS DISCOVERED
THAT THE TRIANGLE WAS ONLY PART
OF A LARGER CONFIGURATION, NOW

THAT THE TRIANGLE WAS ONLY PART
OF A LARGER CONFIGURATION, NOW
BEING REFERRED TO AS THE BERMUDA

OF A LARGER CONFIGURATION, NOW
BEING REFERRED TO AS THE BERMUDA
SHORTS.

BEING REFERRED TO AS THE BERMUDA
SHORTS.
[LAUGHTER]

SHORTS.
[LAUGHTER]
ALTHOUGH STILL AT A LOSS AS TO

[LAUGHTER]
ALTHOUGH STILL AT A LOSS AS TO
HOW THE BOATS AND PLANES ARE

ALTHOUGH STILL AT A LOSS AS TO
HOW THE BOATS AND PLANES ARE
LOST, SCIENTISTS SAY THAT THE

HOW THE BOATS AND PLANES ARE
LOST, SCIENTISTS SAY THAT THE
REVELATION DOES SHED SOME LIGHT

LOST, SCIENTISTS SAY THAT THE
REVELATION DOES SHED SOME LIGHT
AS TO WHY ALL THE FISH IN THE

REVELATION DOES SHED SOME LIGHT
AS TO WHY ALL THE FISH IN THE
AREA ARE WEARING KNEE SOCKS.

AS TO WHY ALL THE FISH IN THE
AREA ARE WEARING KNEE SOCKS.
THIS STORY FROM BELGRADE,

AREA ARE WEARING KNEE SOCKS.
THIS STORY FROM BELGRADE,
YUGOSLAVIA.

THIS STORY FROM BELGRADE,
YUGOSLAVIA.
CONTRARY TO PREVIOUS REPORTS,

YUGOSLAVIA.
CONTRARY TO PREVIOUS REPORTS,
YUGOSLAV PRESIDENT TITO AND

CONTRARY TO PREVIOUS REPORTS,
YUGOSLAV PRESIDENT TITO AND
SOVIET LEADER LEONID BREZHNEV DO

YUGOSLAV PRESIDENT TITO AND
SOVIET LEADER LEONID BREZHNEV DO
CLOSE THEIR EYES WHEN THEY KISS.

SOVIET LEADER LEONID BREZHNEV DO
CLOSE THEIR EYES WHEN THEY KISS.
[LAUGHTER]

CLOSE THEIR EYES WHEN THEY KISS.
[LAUGHTER]
ACTOR HARRY REEMS, THE LARGEST

[LAUGHTER]
ACTOR HARRY REEMS, THE LARGEST
MEMBER OF THE CAST OF

ACTOR HARRY REEMS, THE LARGEST
MEMBER OF THE CAST OF
"DEEP THROAT," ATTENDED A

MEMBER OF THE CAST OF
"DEEP THROAT," ATTENDED A
STAR-STUDDED PARTY TO RAISE

"DEEP THROAT," ATTENDED A
STAR-STUDDED PARTY TO RAISE
MONEY FOR HIS LEGAL-DEFENSE

STAR-STUDDED PARTY TO RAISE
MONEY FOR HIS LEGAL-DEFENSE
FUND.

MONEY FOR HIS LEGAL-DEFENSE
FUND.
IT WAS THERE THAT THE ACTOR

FUND.
IT WAS THERE THAT THE ACTOR
UNVEILED A NEW HARRY REEMS

IT WAS THERE THAT THE ACTOR
UNVEILED A NEW HARRY REEMS
COCKTAIL, WHICH, ALTHOUGH IT

UNVEILED A NEW HARRY REEMS
COCKTAIL, WHICH, ALTHOUGH IT
CONTAINS NO BEER, STILL HAS A

COCKTAIL, WHICH, ALTHOUGH IT
CONTAINS NO BEER, STILL HAS A
HEAD.

CONTAINS NO BEER, STILL HAS A
HEAD.
[LAUGHTER]

HEAD.
[LAUGHTER]
IT'S MY JOB, MOM.

[LAUGHTER]
IT'S MY JOB, MOM.
I'M SORRY.

IT'S MY JOB, MOM.
I'M SORRY.
NOW THIS FILM REPORT FROM

I'M SORRY.
NOW THIS FILM REPORT FROM
CORRESPONDENT LARAINE NEWMAN.

NOW THIS FILM REPORT FROM
CORRESPONDENT LARAINE NEWMAN.
THIS IS LARAINE NEWMAN

CORRESPONDENT LARAINE NEWMAN.
THIS IS LARAINE NEWMAN
REPORTING FROM SLEEPY MINEOLA,

THIS IS LARAINE NEWMAN
REPORTING FROM SLEEPY MINEOLA,
LONG ISLAND, WHERE LAST WEEK IT

REPORTING FROM SLEEPY MINEOLA,
LONG ISLAND, WHERE LAST WEEK IT
WAS DISCLOSED THAT LONG-TIME

LONG ISLAND, WHERE LAST WEEK IT
WAS DISCLOSED THAT LONG-TIME
RESIDENT BOLESLAV MAIKOVSKIS

WAS DISCLOSED THAT LONG-TIME
RESIDENT BOLESLAV MAIKOVSKIS
ALLEGEDLY WAS A NAZI WAR

RESIDENT BOLESLAV MAIKOVSKIS
ALLEGEDLY WAS A NAZI WAR
CRIMINAL WHO ENTERED THIS

ALLEGEDLY WAS A NAZI WAR
CRIMINAL WHO ENTERED THIS
COUNTRY ILLEGALLY.

CRIMINAL WHO ENTERED THIS
COUNTRY ILLEGALLY.
BUT MINEOLANS TELL ME THEY

COUNTRY ILLEGALLY.
BUT MINEOLANS TELL ME THEY
ACCEPT MAIKOVSKIS AS A PEACEFUL

BUT MINEOLANS TELL ME THEY
ACCEPT MAIKOVSKIS AS A PEACEFUL
CITIZEN WHO PAYS HIS TAXES,

ACCEPT MAIKOVSKIS AS A PEACEFUL
CITIZEN WHO PAYS HIS TAXES,
KEEPS UP HIS LAWN, AND WORKS

CITIZEN WHO PAYS HIS TAXES,
KEEPS UP HIS LAWN, AND WORKS
AFTERNOONS WITH THE TOWN'S STATE

KEEPS UP HIS LAWN, AND WORKS
AFTERNOONS WITH THE TOWN'S STATE
HIGH SCHOOL CHAMPION SOCCER

AFTERNOONS WITH THE TOWN'S STATE
HIGH SCHOOL CHAMPION SOCCER
TEAM.

HIGH SCHOOL CHAMPION SOCCER
TEAM.
THEY SEE NO REASON TO DEPORT

TEAM.
THEY SEE NO REASON TO DEPORT
MAIKOVSKIS, NOR ANY OF THE OTHER

THEY SEE NO REASON TO DEPORT
MAIKOVSKIS, NOR ANY OF THE OTHER
NAZIS WHO CAME HERE AFTER

MAIKOVSKIS, NOR ANY OF THE OTHER
NAZIS WHO CAME HERE AFTER
WORLD WAR II.

NAZIS WHO CAME HERE AFTER
WORLD WAR II.
TO LOCAL RESIDENTS, NAZIS ARE

WORLD WAR II.
TO LOCAL RESIDENTS, NAZIS ARE
LIKE ANY OTHER MINORITY GROUP

TO LOCAL RESIDENTS, NAZIS ARE
LIKE ANY OTHER MINORITY GROUP
WHO FLED TO THIS COUNTRY TO

LIKE ANY OTHER MINORITY GROUP
WHO FLED TO THIS COUNTRY TO
ESCAPE PERSECUTION.

WHO FLED TO THIS COUNTRY TO
ESCAPE PERSECUTION.
ONLY IN AMERICA, JANE, THE

ESCAPE PERSECUTION.
ONLY IN AMERICA, JANE, THE
MELTING POT OF THE WORLD.

ONLY IN AMERICA, JANE, THE
MELTING POT OF THE WORLD.
LARAINE NEWMAN, MINEOLA,

MELTING POT OF THE WORLD.
LARAINE NEWMAN, MINEOLA,
LONG ISLAND.

LARAINE NEWMAN, MINEOLA,
LONG ISLAND.
[APPLAUSE]

LONG ISLAND.
[APPLAUSE]
THIS JUST IN... UTAH MURDERER

[APPLAUSE]
THIS JUST IN... UTAH MURDERER
GARY GILMORE, WHO HAS REQUESTED

THIS JUST IN... UTAH MURDERER
GARY GILMORE, WHO HAS REQUESTED
A SPEEDY CARRYING OUT OF HIS

GARY GILMORE, WHO HAS REQUESTED
A SPEEDY CARRYING OUT OF HIS
DEATH SENTENCE, HAS JUST WON THE

A SPEEDY CARRYING OUT OF HIS
DEATH SENTENCE, HAS JUST WON THE
UTAH STATE LOTTERY, THE FIRST

DEATH SENTENCE, HAS JUST WON THE
UTAH STATE LOTTERY, THE FIRST
PRIZE... THE FIRST PRIZE,

UTAH STATE LOTTERY, THE FIRST
PRIZE... THE FIRST PRIZE,
WHICH IS $50,000 A YEAR FOR

PRIZE... THE FIRST PRIZE,
WHICH IS $50,000 A YEAR FOR
LIFE.

WHICH IS $50,000 A YEAR FOR
LIFE.
UTAH LOTTERY OFFICIALS SAY THEY

LIFE.
UTAH LOTTERY OFFICIALS SAY THEY
COULDN'T BE HAPPIER.

UTAH LOTTERY OFFICIALS SAY THEY
COULDN'T BE HAPPIER.
THERE WAS A NEAR TRAGEDY THIS

COULDN'T BE HAPPIER.
THERE WAS A NEAR TRAGEDY THIS
WEEK, WHEN POPULAR TV

THERE WAS A NEAR TRAGEDY THIS
WEEK, WHEN POPULAR TV
PERSONALITY MORRIS THE CAT

WEEK, WHEN POPULAR TV
PERSONALITY MORRIS THE CAT
ATTEMPTED SUICIDE.

PERSONALITY MORRIS THE CAT
ATTEMPTED SUICIDE.
DESPONDENT OVER THE DEATH OF A

ATTEMPTED SUICIDE.
DESPONDENT OVER THE DEATH OF A
CLOSE FRIEND, SMOKEY THE BEAR,

DESPONDENT OVER THE DEATH OF A
CLOSE FRIEND, SMOKEY THE BEAR,
MORRIS, IN AN ACT OF SYMPATHY,

CLOSE FRIEND, SMOKEY THE BEAR,
MORRIS, IN AN ACT OF SYMPATHY,
CHOSE TO CALL IT QUITS HIMSELF,

MORRIS, IN AN ACT OF SYMPATHY,
CHOSE TO CALL IT QUITS HIMSELF,
LEAVING BEHIND A NOTE WHICH

CHOSE TO CALL IT QUITS HIMSELF,
LEAVING BEHIND A NOTE WHICH
READ SIMPLY...

LEAVING BEHIND A NOTE WHICH
READ SIMPLY...
♪ "MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MEOW

READ SIMPLY...
♪ "MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MEOW
MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MEOW ♪

♪ "MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MEOW
MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MEOW ♪
♪ MEOW, MEOW, MEOW

MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MEOW ♪
♪ MEOW, MEOW, MEOW
MEOW, MEOW" ♪

♪ MEOW, MEOW, MEOW
MEOW, MEOW" ♪
BECAUSE MORRIS HAD NINE LIVES,

MEOW, MEOW" ♪
BECAUSE MORRIS HAD NINE LIVES,
HE TRIED TO END THEM ALL BY

BECAUSE MORRIS HAD NINE LIVES,
HE TRIED TO END THEM ALL BY
HANGING HIMSELF, SLITTING HIS

HE TRIED TO END THEM ALL BY
HANGING HIMSELF, SLITTING HIS
WRISTS, STICKING HIS HEAD IN AN

HANGING HIMSELF, SLITTING HIS
WRISTS, STICKING HIS HEAD IN AN
OVEN, MIXING ALCOHOL WITH

WRISTS, STICKING HIS HEAD IN AN
OVEN, MIXING ALCOHOL WITH
SLEEPING PILLS, THROWING HIMSELF

OVEN, MIXING ALCOHOL WITH
SLEEPING PILLS, THROWING HIMSELF
IN FRONT OF A TRAIN, BRINGING A

SLEEPING PILLS, THROWING HIMSELF
IN FRONT OF A TRAIN, BRINGING A
RADIO INTO THE BATHTUB WITH HIM,

IN FRONT OF A TRAIN, BRINGING A
RADIO INTO THE BATHTUB WITH HIM,
SHOOTING HIMSELF, AND SITTING IN

RADIO INTO THE BATHTUB WITH HIM,
SHOOTING HIMSELF, AND SITTING IN
A CAR WITH THE MOTOR RUNNING IN

SHOOTING HIMSELF, AND SITTING IN
A CAR WITH THE MOTOR RUNNING IN
HIS GARAGE.

A CAR WITH THE MOTOR RUNNING IN
HIS GARAGE.
MORRIS, NOW RESTING COMFORTABLY

HIS GARAGE.
MORRIS, NOW RESTING COMFORTABLY
AT BIDEAWEE HOSPITAL, DEPRESSED

MORRIS, NOW RESTING COMFORTABLY
AT BIDEAWEE HOSPITAL, DEPRESSED
THAT HE COULD ONLY THINK OF

AT BIDEAWEE HOSPITAL, DEPRESSED
THAT HE COULD ONLY THINK OF
EIGHT WAYS TO KILL HIMSELF.

THAT HE COULD ONLY THINK OF
EIGHT WAYS TO KILL HIMSELF.
"UPDATE" VIEWERS WHO HAVE IDEAS

EIGHT WAYS TO KILL HIMSELF.
"UPDATE" VIEWERS WHO HAVE IDEAS
FOR A NINTH WAY TO KILL MORRIS

"UPDATE" VIEWERS WHO HAVE IDEAS
FOR A NINTH WAY TO KILL MORRIS
ARE URGED TO SEND THEM TO...

[APPLAUSE]
THE DECISION OF MORRIS IS FINAL.
THE NATIONAL BROADCASTING

THE DECISION OF MORRIS IS FINAL.
THE NATIONAL BROADCASTING
COMPANY MARKED ITS 50th

THE NATIONAL BROADCASTING
COMPANY MARKED ITS 50th
ANNIVERSARY THIS WEEK.

COMPANY MARKED ITS 50th
ANNIVERSARY THIS WEEK.
THIS OCCASION WILL BE SALUTED IN

ANNIVERSARY THIS WEEK.
THIS OCCASION WILL BE SALUTED IN
A TV SPECIAL TOMORROW NIGHT

THIS OCCASION WILL BE SALUTED IN
A TV SPECIAL TOMORROW NIGHT
SHOWING THE NETWORK'S STARS,

A TV SPECIAL TOMORROW NIGHT
SHOWING THE NETWORK'S STARS,
BIGGEST HIGHLIGHTS, AND MOST

SHOWING THE NETWORK'S STARS,
BIGGEST HIGHLIGHTS, AND MOST
GLAMOROUS MOMENTS OF THE PAST 50

BIGGEST HIGHLIGHTS, AND MOST
GLAMOROUS MOMENTS OF THE PAST 50
YEARS, WHICH, THROUGH CREATIVE

GLAMOROUS MOMENTS OF THE PAST 50
YEARS, WHICH, THROUGH CREATIVE
INGENUITY, HAS SOMEHOW BEEN

YEARS, WHICH, THROUGH CREATIVE
INGENUITY, HAS SOMEHOW BEEN
STRETCHED TO 4 1/2 HOURS.

INGENUITY, HAS SOMEHOW BEEN
STRETCHED TO 4 1/2 HOURS.
THE COMPANY HAS BEEN RECEIVING

STRETCHED TO 4 1/2 HOURS.
THE COMPANY HAS BEEN RECEIVING
GIFTS ALL WEEK, INCLUDING BEST

THE COMPANY HAS BEEN RECEIVING
GIFTS ALL WEEK, INCLUDING BEST
WISHES FROM COMPETING NETWORKS,

GIFTS ALL WEEK, INCLUDING BEST
WISHES FROM COMPETING NETWORKS,
CBS AND ABC, WHO SENT THEM DAWN,

WISHES FROM COMPETING NETWORKS,
CBS AND ABC, WHO SENT THEM DAWN,
DOC, MR. T AND TINA, AND A

CBS AND ABC, WHO SENT THEM DAWN,
DOC, MR. T AND TINA, AND A
HOMESICK BARBARA WALTERS.

DOC, MR. T AND TINA, AND A
HOMESICK BARBARA WALTERS.
AND IN STILL ANOTHER

HOMESICK BARBARA WALTERS.
AND IN STILL ANOTHER
CELEBRATION, TODAY MARKS THE

AND IN STILL ANOTHER
CELEBRATION, TODAY MARKS THE
FIRST ANNIVERSARY OF THE

CELEBRATION, TODAY MARKS THE
FIRST ANNIVERSARY OF THE
SO-CALLED DEATH OF

FIRST ANNIVERSARY OF THE
SO-CALLED DEATH OF
GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO.

SO-CALLED DEATH OF
GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO.
HE, TOO, HAS BEEN RECEIVING

GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO.
HE, TOO, HAS BEEN RECEIVING
GIFTS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD,

HE, TOO, HAS BEEN RECEIVING
GIFTS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD,
INCLUDING DEAD FLOWERS FROM

GIFTS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD,
INCLUDING DEAD FLOWERS FROM
ARGENTINA, A CANDYGRAM FROM

INCLUDING DEAD FLOWERS FROM
ARGENTINA, A CANDYGRAM FROM
MAO TSE-TUNG, AND RECENTLY

ARGENTINA, A CANDYGRAM FROM
MAO TSE-TUNG, AND RECENTLY
ACQUIRED DAWN, DOC, MR. T AND

MAO TSE-TUNG, AND RECENTLY
ACQUIRED DAWN, DOC, MR. T AND
TINA, AS WELL AS A HOMESICK

ACQUIRED DAWN, DOC, MR. T AND
TINA, AS WELL AS A HOMESICK
BARBARA WALTERS FROM THE

TINA, AS WELL AS A HOMESICK
BARBARA WALTERS FROM THE
NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY.

BARBARA WALTERS FROM THE
NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY.
FEDERAL HEALTH OFFICIALS REPORT

NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY.
FEDERAL HEALTH OFFICIALS REPORT
THAT A NEW STRAIN OF GONORRHEA,

FEDERAL HEALTH OFFICIALS REPORT
THAT A NEW STRAIN OF GONORRHEA,
WHICH KILLS THE PENICILLIN USED

THAT A NEW STRAIN OF GONORRHEA,
WHICH KILLS THE PENICILLIN USED
TO TREAT IT, HAS TURNED UP IN

WHICH KILLS THE PENICILLIN USED
TO TREAT IT, HAS TURNED UP IN
11 STATES.

TO TREAT IT, HAS TURNED UP IN
11 STATES.
COINCIDENTALLY, THEY ARE THE

11 STATES.
COINCIDENTALLY, THEY ARE THE
SAME STATES VISITED LAST SPRING

COINCIDENTALLY, THEY ARE THE
SAME STATES VISITED LAST SPRING
BY UGANDAN DICTATOR IDI AMIN.

SAME STATES VISITED LAST SPRING
BY UGANDAN DICTATOR IDI AMIN.
REACHED FOR COMMENT BY OUR

BY UGANDAN DICTATOR IDI AMIN.
REACHED FOR COMMENT BY OUR
UPDATE CORRESPONDENT, AMIN

REACHED FOR COMMENT BY OUR
UPDATE CORRESPONDENT, AMIN
SAID, "IT JUST GOES TO PROVE

UPDATE CORRESPONDENT, AMIN
SAID, "IT JUST GOES TO PROVE
THAT I CAN SPREAD MY PHILOSOPHY

SAID, "IT JUST GOES TO PROVE
THAT I CAN SPREAD MY PHILOSOPHY
IN YOUR COUNTRY."

THAT I CAN SPREAD MY PHILOSOPHY
IN YOUR COUNTRY."
HERE TO COMMENT FURTHER ON THIS

IN YOUR COUNTRY."
HERE TO COMMENT FURTHER ON THIS
IS "UPDATE" SCIENCE EDITOR

HERE TO COMMENT FURTHER ON THIS
IS "UPDATE" SCIENCE EDITOR
DR. GARRETT MORRIS.

IS "UPDATE" SCIENCE EDITOR
DR. GARRETT MORRIS.
DR. MORRIS, TELL US ABOUT THIS

DR. GARRETT MORRIS.
DR. MORRIS, TELL US ABOUT THIS
NEW STRAIN, AND WHY HAS IT

DR. MORRIS, TELL US ABOUT THIS
NEW STRAIN, AND WHY HAS IT
GOTTEN OUT OF HAND?

WELL, UH, JANE, WHAT MAKES

THIS STRAIN SO UNUSUAL IS

THAT IT KILLS PENICILLIN, WHICH

IS USED TO KILL GONORRHEA.

AND THIS GONORRHEA IS A TRICKY
ONE.
OOH, IT'S TRICKY.

ONE.
OOH, IT'S TRICKY.
LET ME SHOW YOU.

OOH, IT'S TRICKY.
LET ME SHOW YOU.
NOW, THIS HERE...

LET ME SHOW YOU.
NOW, THIS HERE...
LET ME PUT A LITTLE DROP HERE.

NOW, THIS HERE...
LET ME PUT A LITTLE DROP HERE.
OKAY.

LET ME PUT A LITTLE DROP HERE.
OKAY.
THIS HERE PENICILLIN.

OKAY.
THIS HERE PENICILLIN.
NOW, LET'S JUST FOCUS IN.

THIS HERE PENICILLIN.
NOW, LET'S JUST FOCUS IN.
RIGHT DOWN THERE.

NOW, LET'S JUST FOCUS IN.
RIGHT DOWN THERE.
[LAUGHTER]

RIGHT DOWN THERE.
[LAUGHTER]
ALL RIGHT. NOW, YOU SEE?

[LAUGHTER]
ALL RIGHT. NOW, YOU SEE?
YOU SEE?

ALL RIGHT. NOW, YOU SEE?
YOU SEE?
NOW, WE'VE FORTIFIED THIS

YOU SEE?
NOW, WE'VE FORTIFIED THIS
PENICILLIN THE BEST WAY WE KNEW

NOW, WE'VE FORTIFIED THIS
PENICILLIN THE BEST WAY WE KNEW
HOW.

PENICILLIN THE BEST WAY WE KNEW
HOW.
BUT NO MATTER WHAT WE DO, THE

HOW.
BUT NO MATTER WHAT WE DO, THE
RESULTS ARE ALWAYS THE SAME.

BUT NO MATTER WHAT WE DO, THE
RESULTS ARE ALWAYS THE SAME.
BUT DIFFERENT APPROACHES, NEW

RESULTS ARE ALWAYS THE SAME.
BUT DIFFERENT APPROACHES, NEW
STRATEGIES...

BUT DIFFERENT APPROACHES, NEW
STRATEGIES...
NOTHING SEEMS TO WORK AGAINST

STRATEGIES...
NOTHING SEEMS TO WORK AGAINST
THIS GONORRHEA.

NOTHING SEEMS TO WORK AGAINST
THIS GONORRHEA.
BECAUSE IN THE LONG RUN, THE

THIS GONORRHEA.
BECAUSE IN THE LONG RUN, THE
PENICILLIN IS STILL A LOSER.

BECAUSE IN THE LONG RUN, THE
PENICILLIN IS STILL A LOSER.
VERY FRIGHTENING, DOCTOR.

PENICILLIN IS STILL A LOSER.
VERY FRIGHTENING, DOCTOR.
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING,

VERY FRIGHTENING, DOCTOR.
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING,
DOCTOR.

LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING,
DOCTOR.
I'M CURIOUS.

DOCTOR.
I'M CURIOUS.
JUST WHERE DID YOU GET THIS

I'M CURIOUS.
JUST WHERE DID YOU GET THIS
PARTICULAR SAMPLE FROM?

JUST WHERE DID YOU GET THIS
PARTICULAR SAMPLE FROM?
LORETTA. WHEW!

PARTICULAR SAMPLE FROM?
LORETTA. WHEW!
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

LORETTA. WHEW!
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU,

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU,
DR. GARRETT MORRIS.

THANK YOU,
DR. GARRETT MORRIS.
PORTIONS OF A RADIOACTIVE

DR. GARRETT MORRIS.
PORTIONS OF A RADIOACTIVE
CLOUD CAUSED BY THIS WEEK'S

PORTIONS OF A RADIOACTIVE
CLOUD CAUSED BY THIS WEEK'S
NUCLEAR TEST IN CHINA ARE

CLOUD CAUSED BY THIS WEEK'S
NUCLEAR TEST IN CHINA ARE
EXPECTED TO REACH NEW YORK CITY

NUCLEAR TEST IN CHINA ARE
EXPECTED TO REACH NEW YORK CITY
TOMORROW MORNING.

EXPECTED TO REACH NEW YORK CITY
TOMORROW MORNING.
REMAINS OF THIS GIANT MUSHROOM

TOMORROW MORNING.
REMAINS OF THIS GIANT MUSHROOM
CLOUD, FILLED WITH SIGNIFICANT

REMAINS OF THIS GIANT MUSHROOM
CLOUD, FILLED WITH SIGNIFICANT
AMOUNTS OF RADIOACTIVE FALLOUT,

CLOUD, FILLED WITH SIGNIFICANT
AMOUNTS OF RADIOACTIVE FALLOUT,
MAY HOVER OVER THE CITY FOR AS

AMOUNTS OF RADIOACTIVE FALLOUT,
MAY HOVER OVER THE CITY FOR AS
MUCH AS 24 HOURS.

MAY HOVER OVER THE CITY FOR AS
MUCH AS 24 HOURS.
IN A RELATED STORY, THE WEATHER

MUCH AS 24 HOURS.
IN A RELATED STORY, THE WEATHER
FORECAST FOR NEW YORK'S

IN A RELATED STORY, THE WEATHER
FORECAST FOR NEW YORK'S
METROPOLITAN AREA CALLS FOR

FORECAST FOR NEW YORK'S
METROPOLITAN AREA CALLS FOR
BRIGHTER SKIES, A LOWER POLLEN

METROPOLITAN AREA CALLS FOR
BRIGHTER SKIES, A LOWER POLLEN
COUNT, AND THE BEST AIR QUALITY

BRIGHTER SKIES, A LOWER POLLEN
COUNT, AND THE BEST AIR QUALITY
THAT THIS AREA HAS EXPERIENCED

COUNT, AND THE BEST AIR QUALITY
THAT THIS AREA HAS EXPERIENCED
IN QUITE SOME TIME.

THAT THIS AREA HAS EXPERIENCED
IN QUITE SOME TIME.
GOOD NIGHT, ENJOY THE WEATHER,

IN QUITE SOME TIME.
GOOD NIGHT, ENJOY THE WEATHER,
AND HAVE A PLEASANT TOMORROW.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY
FRIEND GEORGE HARRISON.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

FRIEND GEORGE HARRISON.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.

A-ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.
[INTRO TO "HERE COMES THE SUN"
PLAYS]

♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪

♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ AND I SAY ♪

♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ AND I SAY ♪
♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪
♪ IT'S BEEN A LONG, COLD, LONELY
WINTER ♪

♪ IT'S BEEN A LONG, COLD, LONELY
WINTER ♪
♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪

WINTER ♪
♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪
♪ IT SEEMS LIKE YEARS

♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪
♪ IT SEEMS LIKE YEARS
SINCE IT'S BEEN HERE ♪

♪ IT SEEMS LIKE YEARS
SINCE IT'S BEEN HERE ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪

SINCE IT'S BEEN HERE ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪

♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪

♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ AND I SAY ♪

♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ AND I SAY ♪
♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪
♪ THE SMILES RETURNING TO THE
FACES ♪

♪ THE SMILES RETURNING TO THE
FACES ♪
♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪

FACES ♪
♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪
♪ IT SEEMS LIKE YEARS

♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪
♪ IT SEEMS LIKE YEARS
SINCE IT'S BEEN HERE ♪

♪ IT SEEMS LIKE YEARS
SINCE IT'S BEEN HERE ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪

SINCE IT'S BEEN HERE ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪

♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪

♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ AND I SAY ♪

♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ AND I SAY ♪
♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ SUN, SUN, SUN ♪
♪ HERE IT COMES ♪
♪ SUN, SUN, SUN ♪

♪ HERE IT COMES ♪
♪ SUN, SUN, SUN ♪
♪ HERE IT COMES ♪

♪ SUN, SUN, SUN ♪
♪ HERE IT COMES ♪
♪ SUN, SUN, SUN ♪

♪ HERE IT COMES ♪
♪ SUN, SUN, SUN ♪
♪ HERE IT COMES ♪

♪ SUN, SUN, SUN ♪
♪ HERE IT COMES ♪
♪ SUN, SUN, SUN ♪

♪ HERE IT COMES ♪
♪ SUN, SUN, SUN ♪
♪ HERE IT COMES ♪

♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪
♪ I FEEL THE ICE IS SLOWLY
MELTING ♪

♪ I FEEL THE ICE IS SLOWLY
MELTING ♪
♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪

MELTING ♪
♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪
♪ IT SEEMS LIKE YEARS SINCE IT'S

♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪
♪ IT SEEMS LIKE YEARS SINCE IT'S
BEEN CLEAR ♪

♪ IT SEEMS LIKE YEARS SINCE IT'S
BEEN CLEAR ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪

BEEN CLEAR ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪

♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪

♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ AND I SAY ♪

♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ AND I SAY ♪
♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ AND I SAY ♪
♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪

♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪

♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪

♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ AND I SAY ♪

♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ AND I SAY ♪
♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ AND I SAY ♪
♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
NICE.

THANK YOU.
NICE.
THANK YOU.

NICE.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
[TUNING GUITARS]

[INTRO TO "HOMEWARD BOUND"
PLAYS]
♪ I'M SITTIN' IN THE RAILWAY

[PLAYS]
♪ I'M SITTIN' IN THE RAILWAY
STATION ♪

♪ I'M SITTIN' IN THE RAILWAY
STATION ♪
♪ GOT A TICKET FOR MY

STATION ♪
♪ GOT A TICKET FOR MY
DESTINATION ♪

♪ GOT A TICKET FOR MY
DESTINATION ♪
♪ MMM ♪

DESTINATION ♪
♪ MMM ♪
♪ ON A TOUR OF ONE-NIGHT

♪ MMM ♪
♪ ON A TOUR OF ONE-NIGHT
STANDS ♪

♪ ON A TOUR OF ONE-NIGHT
STANDS ♪
♪ MY SUITCASE AND GUITAR IN

STANDS ♪
♪ MY SUITCASE AND GUITAR IN
HAND ♪

♪ MY SUITCASE AND GUITAR IN
HAND ♪
♪ AND EVERY STOP IS NEATLY

HAND ♪
♪ AND EVERY STOP IS NEATLY
PLANNED ♪

♪ AND EVERY STOP IS NEATLY
PLANNED ♪
♪ FOR A POET AND A ONE-MAN

PLANNED ♪
♪ FOR A POET AND A ONE-MAN
BAND ♪

♪ FOR A POET AND A ONE-MAN
BAND ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪

BAND ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ I WISH I WAS ♪

♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ I WISH I WAS ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪

♪ I WISH I WAS ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S

♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S
ESCAPING ♪

♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S
ESCAPING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S

ESCAPING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S
PLAYING ♪

♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S
PLAYING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES

PLAYING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES
WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪

♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES
WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪
♪ EVERY DAY'S AN ENDLESS

WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪
♪ EVERY DAY'S AN ENDLESS
STREAM OF CIGARETTES AND

♪ EVERY DAY'S AN ENDLESS
STREAM OF CIGARETTES AND
MAGAZINES ♪

STREAM OF CIGARETTES AND
MAGAZINES ♪
♪ OOH, OOH ♪

MAGAZINES ♪
♪ OOH, OOH ♪
♪ AND EACH TOWN LOOKS THE SAME

♪ OOH, OOH ♪
♪ AND EACH TOWN LOOKS THE SAME
TO ME ♪

♪ AND EACH TOWN LOOKS THE SAME
TO ME ♪
♪ THE MOVIES AND THE FACTORIES ♪

TO ME ♪
♪ THE MOVIES AND THE FACTORIES ♪
♪ AND EVERY STRANGER'S FACE I

♪ THE MOVIES AND THE FACTORIES ♪
♪ AND EVERY STRANGER'S FACE I
SEE REMINDS ME THAT I LONG

♪ AND EVERY STRANGER'S FACE I
SEE REMINDS ME THAT I LONG
TO BE ♪

SEE REMINDS ME THAT I LONG
TO BE ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪

TO BE ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ I WISH I WAS ♪

♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ I WISH I WAS ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪

♪ I WISH I WAS ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S

♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S
ESCAPING ♪

♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S
ESCAPING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S

ESCAPING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S
PLAYING ♪

♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S
PLAYING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES

PLAYING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES
WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪

♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES
WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪
♪ TONIGHT I'LL SING MY SONGS

WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪
♪ TONIGHT I'LL SING MY SONGS
AGAIN ♪

♪ TONIGHT I'LL SING MY SONGS
AGAIN ♪
♪ I'LL PLAY THE GAME AND

AGAIN ♪
♪ I'LL PLAY THE GAME AND
PRETEND ♪

♪ I'LL PLAY THE GAME AND
PRETEND ♪
♪ MMM ♪

PRETEND ♪
♪ MMM ♪
♪ BUT ALL MY WORDS COME BACK

♪ MMM ♪
♪ BUT ALL MY WORDS COME BACK
TO ME ♪

♪ BUT ALL MY WORDS COME BACK
TO ME ♪
♪ IN SHADES OF MEDIOCRITY ♪

TO ME ♪
♪ IN SHADES OF MEDIOCRITY ♪
♪ LIKE EMPTINESS IN HARMONY ♪

♪ IN SHADES OF MEDIOCRITY ♪
♪ LIKE EMPTINESS IN HARMONY ♪
♪ I NEED SOMEONE TO COMFORT ME ♪

♪ LIKE EMPTINESS IN HARMONY ♪
♪ I NEED SOMEONE TO COMFORT ME ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪

♪ I NEED SOMEONE TO COMFORT ME ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ I WISH I WAS ♪

♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ I WISH I WAS ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪

♪ I WISH I WAS ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S

♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S
ESCAPING ♪

♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S
ESCAPING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S

ESCAPING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S
PLAYING ♪

♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S
PLAYING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES

PLAYING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES
WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪

♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES
WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪
♪ SILENTLY FOR ME ♪

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
GEORGE HAS BROUGHT TWO FILMS

THANK YOU.
GEORGE HAS BROUGHT TWO FILMS
WITH HIM TONIGHT THAT ARE SONGS

GEORGE HAS BROUGHT TWO FILMS
WITH HIM TONIGHT THAT ARE SONGS
FROM HIS NEW ALBUM.

WITH HIM TONIGHT THAT ARE SONGS
FROM HIS NEW ALBUM.
THE FILM THAT WE'RE ABOUT TO SEE

FROM HIS NEW ALBUM.
THE FILM THAT WE'RE ABOUT TO SEE
IS CALLED "CRACKERBOX PALACE,"

THE FILM THAT WE'RE ABOUT TO SEE
IS CALLED "CRACKERBOX PALACE,"
AND IT WAS DIRECTED BY A MUTUAL

IS CALLED "CRACKERBOX PALACE,"
AND IT WAS DIRECTED BY A MUTUAL
FRIEND, ERIC IDLE.

AND IT WAS DIRECTED BY A MUTUAL
FRIEND, ERIC IDLE.
[APPLAUSE]

FRIEND, ERIC IDLE.
[APPLAUSE]
ALL RIGHT, VICAR.

[APPLAUSE]
ALL RIGHT, VICAR.
FORMER HOST OF THE

ALL RIGHT, VICAR.
FORMER HOST OF THE
"SATURDAY NIGHT" SHOW.

FORMER HOST OF THE
"SATURDAY NIGHT" SHOW.
SO, I GUESS, IF YOU LOOK UP AT

"SATURDAY NIGHT" SHOW.
SO, I GUESS, IF YOU LOOK UP AT
YOUR MONITORS, WE'LL BE ABLE TO

SO, I GUESS, IF YOU LOOK UP AT
YOUR MONITORS, WE'LL BE ABLE TO
SEE GEORGE'S FILM.

YOUR MONITORS, WE'LL BE ABLE TO
SEE GEORGE'S FILM.
[INTRO TO "CRACKERBOX PALACE"

SEE GEORGE'S FILM.
[INTRO TO "CRACKERBOX PALACE"
PLAYS]

♪ I WAS SO YOUNG WHEN I WAS
BORN ♪
♪ MY EYES COULD NOT YET SEE ♪

BORN ♪
♪ MY EYES COULD NOT YET SEE ♪
♪ AND BY THE TIME OF MY FIRST

♪ MY EYES COULD NOT YET SEE ♪
♪ AND BY THE TIME OF MY FIRST
DAWN ♪

♪ AND BY THE TIME OF MY FIRST
DAWN ♪
♪ SOMEBODY HOLDING ME ♪

DAWN ♪
♪ SOMEBODY HOLDING ME ♪
♪ THEY SAID, "I WELCOME YOU TO

♪ SOMEBODY HOLDING ME ♪
♪ THEY SAID, "I WELCOME YOU TO
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪

♪ THEY SAID, "I WELCOME YOU TO
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU ♪

CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU ♪
♪ YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN

♪ WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU ♪
♪ YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪

♪ YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW

CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW
OUR LOVE IS TRUE" ♪

♪ WHILE GROWING UP
OR TRYING TO ♪
♪ NOT KNOWING WHERE TO START ♪

OR TRYING TO ♪
♪ NOT KNOWING WHERE TO START ♪
♪ I LOOKED AROUND FOR SOMEONE

♪ NOT KNOWING WHERE TO START ♪
♪ I LOOKED AROUND FOR SOMEONE
WHO MAY HELP REVEAL MY HEART ♪

♪ I LOOKED AROUND FOR SOMEONE
WHO MAY HELP REVEAL MY HEART ♪
♪ SOMEONE SAID, "WHILE YOU'RE A

WHO MAY HELP REVEAL MY HEART ♪
♪ SOMEONE SAID, "WHILE YOU'RE A
PART OF CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪

♪ SOMEONE SAID, "WHILE YOU'RE A
PART OF CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ DO WHAT THE REST ALL DO ♪

PART OF CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ DO WHAT THE REST ALL DO ♪
♪ OR FACE THE FACT THAT

♪ DO WHAT THE REST ALL DO ♪
♪ OR FACE THE FACT THAT
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪

♪ OR FACE THE FACT THAT
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ MAY HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE THAN

CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ MAY HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE THAN
TO DEPORT YOU" ♪

♪ "AND WE WELCOME YOU TO
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU ♪

CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU ♪
♪ YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN

♪ WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU ♪
♪ YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪

♪ YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW

CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW
OUR LOVE IS TRUE" ♪

♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW
OUR LOVE IS TRUE" ♪
♪ IT'S TRUE, IT'S TRUE ♪

♪ SOME TIMES ARE GOOD ♪
♪ SOME TIMES ARE BAD ♪
♪ THAT'S ALL A PART OF LIFE ♪

♪ SOME TIMES ARE BAD ♪
♪ THAT'S ALL A PART OF LIFE ♪
♪ AND STANDING IN BETWEEN THEM

♪ THAT'S ALL A PART OF LIFE ♪
♪ AND STANDING IN BETWEEN THEM
ALL I MET A MR. GRIEF ♪

♪ AND STANDING IN BETWEEN THEM
ALL I MET A MR. GRIEF ♪
♪ AND HE SAID, "I WELCOME YOU TO

ALL I MET A MR. GRIEF ♪
♪ AND HE SAID, "I WELCOME YOU TO
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪

♪ AND HE SAID, "I WELCOME YOU TO
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ WAS NOT EXPECTING YOU ♪

CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ WAS NOT EXPECTING YOU ♪
♪ LET'S RAP AND TAP AT

♪ WAS NOT EXPECTING YOU ♪
♪ LET'S RAP AND TAP AT
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪

♪ LET'S RAP AND TAP AT
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ KNOW THAT THE LORD IS WELL AND

CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ KNOW THAT THE LORD IS WELL AND
INSIDE OF YOU" ♪

♪ KNOW THAT THE LORD IS WELL AND
INSIDE OF YOU" ♪
♪ "AND WE WELCOME YOU TO

INSIDE OF YOU" ♪
♪ "AND WE WELCOME YOU TO
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪

♪ "AND WE WELCOME YOU TO
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU ♪

CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU ♪
♪ YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN

♪ WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU ♪
♪ YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪

♪ YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW

CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW
OUR LOVE IS TRUE" ♪

♪ "YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW

CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW
OUR LOVE ♪

♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW
OUR LOVE ♪
♪ KNOW OUR LOVE IS TRUE" ♪

[APPLAUSE]

NOT MUCH IS KNOWN ABOUT
BILLY.
SOME SAID HE SPENT HIS CHILDHOOD

BILLY.
SOME SAID HE SPENT HIS CHILDHOOD
IN THE CANADIAN ROCKIES.

SOME SAID HE SPENT HIS CHILDHOOD
IN THE CANADIAN ROCKIES.
OTHERS SAID HE SPENT HIS EARLY

IN THE CANADIAN ROCKIES.
OTHERS SAID HE SPENT HIS EARLY
YEARS IN THE BAYOU COUNTRY.

OTHERS SAID HE SPENT HIS EARLY
YEARS IN THE BAYOU COUNTRY.
NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE.

YEARS IN THE BAYOU COUNTRY.
NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE.
I BELIEVE HE GREW UP IN

NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE.
I BELIEVE HE GREW UP IN
NEW YORK, IN QUEENS.

I BELIEVE HE GREW UP IN
NEW YORK, IN QUEENS.
AT 137-62 70th ROAD,

NEW YORK, IN QUEENS.
AT 137-62 70th ROAD,
NEAR MAIN STREET AND JEWEL

AT 137-62 70th ROAD,
NEAR MAIN STREET AND JEWEL
AVENUE.

NEAR MAIN STREET AND JEWEL
AVENUE.
YOU TAKE THE "D" TRAIN TO

AVENUE.
YOU TAKE THE "D" TRAIN TO
CONTINENTAL AVENUE, THEN YOU

YOU TAKE THE "D" TRAIN TO
CONTINENTAL AVENUE, THEN YOU
TAKE THE Q-14 BUSY TO MAIN

CONTINENTAL AVENUE, THEN YOU
TAKE THE Q-14 BUSY TO MAIN
STREET.

TAKE THE Q-14 BUSY TO MAIN
STREET.
NOT MUCH ELSE WAS KNOWN ABOUT

STREET.
NOT MUCH ELSE WAS KNOWN ABOUT
HIM.

NOT MUCH ELSE WAS KNOWN ABOUT
HIM.
HE JUST RODE INTO TOWN ONE DAY,

HIM.
HE JUST RODE INTO TOWN ONE DAY,
AND SAID...

HE JUST RODE INTO TOWN ONE DAY,
AND SAID...
I'M HERE TO HELP INDIANS,

AND SAID...
I'M HERE TO HELP INDIANS,
WILD HORSES, AND RUNAWAY KIDS OF

I'M HERE TO HELP INDIANS,
WILD HORSES, AND RUNAWAY KIDS OF
ALL RACES AND RELIGIONS.

WILD HORSES, AND RUNAWAY KIDS OF
ALL RACES AND RELIGIONS.
GOT ANY HERE?

ALL RACES AND RELIGIONS.
GOT ANY HERE?
THEY CALLED HIM A RENEGADE.

GOT ANY HERE?
THEY CALLED HIM A RENEGADE.
A RENEGADE?

THEY CALLED HIM A RENEGADE.
A RENEGADE?
YEAH. I AM A RENEGADE.

A RENEGADE?
YEAH. I AM A RENEGADE.
THERE WERE CERTAIN THINGS

YEAH. I AM A RENEGADE.
THERE WERE CERTAIN THINGS
THAT WERE KNOWN FOR SURE.

THERE WERE CERTAIN THINGS
THAT WERE KNOWN FOR SURE.
HE WAS A VIETNAM VET AND A BLACK

THAT WERE KNOWN FOR SURE.
HE WAS A VIETNAM VET AND A BLACK
BELT IN KARATE.

HE WAS A VIETNAM VET AND A BLACK
BELT IN KARATE.
THAT'S RIGHT. I AM.

BELT IN KARATE.
THAT'S RIGHT. I AM.
THEY SAID HE WAS A

THAT'S RIGHT. I AM.
THEY SAID HE WAS A
HALF-BREED.

THEY SAID HE WAS A
HALF-BREED.
THAT'S RIGHT. I WAS.

HALF-BREED.
THAT'S RIGHT. I WAS.
[LAUGHTER]

THAT'S RIGHT. I WAS.
[LAUGHTER]
HE LIVED ON THE INDIAN

[LAUGHTER]
HE LIVED ON THE INDIAN
RESERVATION WITH AN OLD INDIAN

HE LIVED ON THE INDIAN
RESERVATION WITH AN OLD INDIAN
MEDICINE MAN WHO TAUGHT HIM THE

RESERVATION WITH AN OLD INDIAN
MEDICINE MAN WHO TAUGHT HIM THE
SECRETS OF THE WORLD OF SNAKES.

MEDICINE MAN WHO TAUGHT HIM THE
SECRETS OF THE WORLD OF SNAKES.
I DO SPEND MOST OF

SECRETS OF THE WORLD OF SNAKES.
I DO SPEND MOST OF
MY TIME ON THE RESERVATION,

I DO SPEND MOST OF
MY TIME ON THE RESERVATION,
ALTHOUGH SOMETIMES I STAY AT THE

MY TIME ON THE RESERVATION,
ALTHOUGH SOMETIMES I STAY AT THE
HOWARD JOHNSON... FREE COFFEE IN

ALTHOUGH SOMETIMES I STAY AT THE
HOWARD JOHNSON... FREE COFFEE IN
YOUR ROOM, WITH THE CREMORA.

HOWARD JOHNSON... FREE COFFEE IN
YOUR ROOM, WITH THE CREMORA.
BUT ONE THING EVERYONE

YOUR ROOM, WITH THE CREMORA.
BUT ONE THING EVERYONE
KNEW... HE WAS THE DEADLIEST MAN

BUT ONE THING EVERYONE
KNEW... HE WAS THE DEADLIEST MAN
WITH HIS HANDS AND FEET THAT

KNEW... HE WAS THE DEADLIEST MAN
WITH HIS HANDS AND FEET THAT
THESE PARTS HAD EVER KNOWN.

WITH HIS HANDS AND FEET THAT
THESE PARTS HAD EVER KNOWN.
I AM PRETTY DEADLY.

THESE PARTS HAD EVER KNOWN.
I AM PRETTY DEADLY.
HIS NAME WAS BILLY PAUL.

I AM PRETTY DEADLY.
HIS NAME WAS BILLY PAUL.
NOT THE BILLY PAUL THAT RECORDED

HIS NAME WAS BILLY PAUL.
NOT THE BILLY PAUL THAT RECORDED
"ME AND MRS. JONES."

NOT THE BILLY PAUL THAT RECORDED
"ME AND MRS. JONES."
A LOT OF PEOPLE GET THEM

"ME AND MRS. JONES."
A LOT OF PEOPLE GET THEM
CONFUSED.

A LOT OF PEOPLE GET THEM
CONFUSED.
HE WAS ANOTHER BILLY PAUL.

CONFUSED.
HE WAS ANOTHER BILLY PAUL.
AND THIS IS HIS STORY.

FRENCH VANILLA?
SURE. THERE YOU GO.
THANK YOU.

SURE. THERE YOU GO.
THANK YOU.
HI, I'LL HAVE A DOUBLE

THANK YOU.
HI, I'LL HAVE A DOUBLE
SCOOP OF OREGON BLACKBERRY.

HI, I'LL HAVE A DOUBLE
SCOOP OF OREGON BLACKBERRY.
OKAY.

SCOOP OF OREGON BLACKBERRY.
OKAY.
I'LL HAVE A JAMOCHA ALMOND

OKAY.
I'LL HAVE A JAMOCHA ALMOND
FUDGE.

I'LL HAVE A JAMOCHA ALMOND
FUDGE.
WE DON'T HAVE ANY CONES LEFT.

FUDGE.
WE DON'T HAVE ANY CONES LEFT.
WELL, WHAT ARE THOSE?

WE DON'T HAVE ANY CONES LEFT.
WELL, WHAT ARE THOSE?
THEY'RE NOT FOR YOU,

WELL, WHAT ARE THOSE?
THEY'RE NOT FOR YOU,
FEATHERHEAD.

THEY'RE NOT FOR YOU,
FEATHERHEAD.
YOU ARE SO LOW!

FEATHERHEAD.
YOU ARE SO LOW!
OKAY, OKAY.

YOU ARE SO LOW!
OKAY, OKAY.
LET'S JUST NOT GET HEAVY HERE.

OKAY, OKAY.
LET'S JUST NOT GET HEAVY HERE.
NOW, LET'S JUST REMEMBER WHAT WE

LET'S JUST NOT GET HEAVY HERE.
NOW, LET'S JUST REMEMBER WHAT WE
TEACH AT THE SCHOOL, MAN.

NOW, LET'S JUST REMEMBER WHAT WE
TEACH AT THE SCHOOL, MAN.
LIKE, THIS GUY IS PUTTING OUT

TEACH AT THE SCHOOL, MAN.
LIKE, THIS GUY IS PUTTING OUT
HOSTILE VIBES TO YOU, OKAY?

LIKE, THIS GUY IS PUTTING OUT
HOSTILE VIBES TO YOU, OKAY?
BUT, LIKE, IF YOU LET THOSE

HOSTILE VIBES TO YOU, OKAY?
BUT, LIKE, IF YOU LET THOSE
HOSTILE VIBES, LIKE, GET TO YOU,

BUT, LIKE, IF YOU LET THOSE
HOSTILE VIBES, LIKE, GET TO YOU,
YOU KNOW?

HOSTILE VIBES, LIKE, GET TO YOU,
YOU KNOW?
LIKE, THEN, YOU GET AGGRESSIVE,

YOU KNOW?
LIKE, THEN, YOU GET AGGRESSIVE,
AND YOU'RE NO BETTER THAN HE IS,

LIKE, THEN, YOU GET AGGRESSIVE,
AND YOU'RE NO BETTER THAN HE IS,
MAN.

AND YOU'RE NO BETTER THAN HE IS,
MAN.
LIKE, WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO IS,

MAN.
LIKE, WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO IS,
LIKE, REACH REALLY, REALLY DEEP

LIKE, WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO IS,
LIKE, REACH REALLY, REALLY DEEP
INSIDE YOURSELF, MAN, AND, LIKE,

LIKE, REACH REALLY, REALLY DEEP
INSIDE YOURSELF, MAN, AND, LIKE,
PULL OUT ALL THE SUNSHINE AND

INSIDE YOURSELF, MAN, AND, LIKE,
PULL OUT ALL THE SUNSHINE AND
LIGHT THAT I KNOW THAT'S INSIDE

PULL OUT ALL THE SUNSHINE AND
LIGHT THAT I KNOW THAT'S INSIDE
YOU.

LIGHT THAT I KNOW THAT'S INSIDE
YOU.
LIKE, I KNOW THAT'S IN THERE.

YOU.
LIKE, I KNOW THAT'S IN THERE.
YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL.

LIKE, I KNOW THAT'S IN THERE.
YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL.
AND, LIKE, GIVE THAT POSITIVE

YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL.
AND, LIKE, GIVE THAT POSITIVE
ENERGY TO HIM, AND IT'LL

AND, LIKE, GIVE THAT POSITIVE
ENERGY TO HIM, AND IT'LL
OVERCOME HIS BAD KARMA.

ENERGY TO HIM, AND IT'LL
OVERCOME HIS BAD KARMA.
GIVE ME A BREAK!

OVERCOME HIS BAD KARMA.
GIVE ME A BREAK!
OH, LOOK, DON'T LISTEN

GIVE ME A BREAK!
OH, LOOK, DON'T LISTEN
TO HIM.

OH, LOOK, DON'T LISTEN
TO HIM.
JUST THINK OF EVERYTHING THAT'S

TO HIM.
JUST THINK OF EVERYTHING THAT'S
GOOD WITHIN YOU, AND GIVE IT TO

JUST THINK OF EVERYTHING THAT'S
GOOD WITHIN YOU, AND GIVE IT TO
HIM.

GOOD WITHIN YOU, AND GIVE IT TO
HIM.
LIKE, THINK CREATIVELY, EXPRESS

HIM.
LIKE, THINK CREATIVELY, EXPRESS
YOURSELF, DO ANYTHING, MAN.

LIKE, THINK CREATIVELY, EXPRESS
YOURSELF, DO ANYTHING, MAN.
OH, I KNOW.

YOURSELF, DO ANYTHING, MAN.
OH, I KNOW.
I'LL SING HIM A SONG.

OH, I KNOW.
I'LL SING HIM A SONG.
BEAUTIFUL!

I'LL SING HIM A SONG.
BEAUTIFUL!
THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL IDEA.

BEAUTIFUL!
THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL IDEA.
HIT IT.

THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL IDEA.
HIT IT.
[Off-key] ♪ YOU'RE NOT A

HIT IT.
[Off-key] ♪ YOU'RE NOT A
DREAM ♪

[Off-key] ♪ YOU'RE NOT A
DREAM ♪
♪ YOU'RE NOT AN ANGEL ♪

DREAM ♪
♪ YOU'RE NOT AN ANGEL ♪
♪ YOU'RE A MAN ♪

♪ YOU'RE NOT AN ANGEL ♪
♪ YOU'RE A MAN ♪
♪ I'M NOT A QUEEN ♪

♪ YOU'RE A MAN ♪
♪ I'M NOT A QUEEN ♪
♪ I'M A WOMAN ♪

♪ I'M NOT A QUEEN ♪
♪ I'M A WOMAN ♪
♪ TAKE MY HAND ♪

♪ I'M A WOMAN ♪
♪ TAKE MY HAND ♪
♪ MAKE A SPACE IN THE LIVES THAT

♪ TAKE MY HAND ♪
♪ MAKE A SPACE IN THE LIVES THAT
WE PLAN ♪

♪ MAKE A SPACE IN THE LIVES THAT
WE PLAN ♪
♪ AND HERE WE'LL STAY ♪

WE PLAN ♪
♪ AND HERE WE'LL STAY ♪
♪ UNTIL IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO

♪ AND HERE WE'LL STAY ♪
♪ UNTIL IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO
GO-O-O-O-O ♪

♪ UNTIL IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO
GO-O-O-O-O ♪
THAT'S REALLY BEAUTIFUL,

GO-O-O-O-O ♪
THAT'S REALLY BEAUTIFUL,
HONEY.

THAT'S REALLY BEAUTIFUL,
HONEY.
THAT'S REALLY BEAUTIFUL.

HONEY.
THAT'S REALLY BEAUTIFUL.
THANK YOU.

THAT'S REALLY BEAUTIFUL.
THANK YOU.
CAN I HAVE THAT CONE NOW?

THANK YOU.
CAN I HAVE THAT CONE NOW?
NO!

WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE TROUBLE,
LUKE?
OH, HI, BERNARD.

LUKE?
OH, HI, BERNARD.
THIS IS MY STORE, ISN'T IT?

OH, HI, BERNARD.
THIS IS MY STORE, ISN'T IT?
IT SURE IS.

THIS IS MY STORE, ISN'T IT?
IT SURE IS.
WELL, THAT MEANS THAT I DON'T

IT SURE IS.
WELL, THAT MEANS THAT I DON'T
HAVE TO SERVE ANYBODY I DON'T

WELL, THAT MEANS THAT I DON'T
HAVE TO SERVE ANYBODY I DON'T
WANT TO, RIGHT?

HAVE TO SERVE ANYBODY I DON'T
WANT TO, RIGHT?
THAT'S RIGHT.

WANT TO, RIGHT?
THAT'S RIGHT.
WELL, I WANT TO SERVE WHITES.

THAT'S RIGHT.
WELL, I WANT TO SERVE WHITES.
HEY, LUKE, WHERE'S THE FLOUR

WELL, I WANT TO SERVE WHITES.
HEY, LUKE, WHERE'S THE FLOUR
YOU KEEP AROUND TO DEGRADE ALL

HEY, LUKE, WHERE'S THE FLOUR
YOU KEEP AROUND TO DEGRADE ALL
MEMBERS OF THE NON-WHITE RACE?

YOU KEEP AROUND TO DEGRADE ALL
MEMBERS OF THE NON-WHITE RACE?
OVER THERE IN THE CORNER.

MEMBERS OF THE NON-WHITE RACE?
OVER THERE IN THE CORNER.
OH, YEAH. YEAH.

OVER THERE IN THE CORNER.
OH, YEAH. YEAH.
[CHUCKLING]

OH, YEAH. YEAH.
[CHUCKLING]
THERE.

[CHUCKLING]
THERE.
LOOK AT THAT LITTLE INDIAN BOY.

THERE.
LOOK AT THAT LITTLE INDIAN BOY.
UHH!

LOOK AT THAT LITTLE INDIAN BOY.
UHH!
AND LOOK AT THAT LITTLE

UHH!
AND LOOK AT THAT LITTLE
INDIAN GIRL.

AND LOOK AT THAT LITTLE
INDIAN GIRL.
THERE YOU GO.

INDIAN GIRL.
THERE YOU GO.
NOW YOU CAN SERVE THEM.

THERE YOU GO.
NOW YOU CAN SERVE THEM.
THEY'RE ALL WHITE, LUKE!

NOW YOU CAN SERVE THEM.
THEY'RE ALL WHITE, LUKE!
YOU WOULDN'T DO THIS IF

THEY'RE ALL WHITE, LUKE!
YOU WOULDN'T DO THIS IF
BILLY PAUL WAS HERE!

YOU WOULDN'T DO THIS IF
BILLY PAUL WAS HERE!
[Mockingly] "YOU WOULDN'T

BILLY PAUL WAS HERE!
[Mockingly] "YOU WOULDN'T
DO THIS IF BILLY PAUL WERE

[Mockingly] "YOU WOULDN'T
DO THIS IF BILLY PAUL WERE
HERE!"

DO THIS IF BILLY PAUL WERE
HERE!"
WELL, WHERE'S BILLY PAUL NOW,

HERE!"
WELL, WHERE'S BILLY PAUL NOW,
HUH?

WELL, WHERE'S BILLY PAUL NOW,
HUH?
HE'S UNDERGOING A SACRED

HUH?
HE'S UNDERGOING A SACRED
INDIAN RITUAL IN WHICH HE

HE'S UNDERGOING A SACRED
INDIAN RITUAL IN WHICH HE
GETS BITTEN ON THE ANKLES

INDIAN RITUAL IN WHICH HE
GETS BITTEN ON THE ANKLES
REPEATEDLY BY POISONOUS

GETS BITTEN ON THE ANKLES
REPEATEDLY BY POISONOUS
RATTLESNAKES, AND THEN HE HAS TO

REPEATEDLY BY POISONOUS
RATTLESNAKES, AND THEN HE HAS TO
DANCE, AND THEN HE GETS BITTEN

RATTLESNAKES, AND THEN HE HAS TO
DANCE, AND THEN HE GETS BITTEN
REPEATEDLY SOME MORE BY SOME

DANCE, AND THEN HE GETS BITTEN
REPEATEDLY SOME MORE BY SOME
MORE RATTLESNAKES, THEN HE HAS

REPEATEDLY SOME MORE BY SOME
MORE RATTLESNAKES, THEN HE HAS
TO DANCE SOME MORE.

MORE RATTLESNAKES, THEN HE HAS
TO DANCE SOME MORE.
[COUGHS]

TO DANCE SOME MORE.
[COUGHS]
WHAT'S THE POINT OF

[COUGHS]
WHAT'S THE POINT OF
THE CEREMONY?

WHAT'S THE POINT OF
THE CEREMONY?
SO THE GREAT SPIRIT CAN SEE

THE CEREMONY?
SO THE GREAT SPIRIT CAN SEE
HOW GOOD A DANCER HE IS.

SO THE GREAT SPIRIT CAN SEE
HOW GOOD A DANCER HE IS.
[SCOFFS]

HOW GOOD A DANCER HE IS.
[SCOFFS]
[LAUGHTER]

[SCOFFS]
[LAUGHTER]
I'M HERE TO HELP INDIANS AND

[LAUGHTER]
I'M HERE TO HELP INDIANS AND
WILD HORSES AND RUNAWAY KIDS OF

I'M HERE TO HELP INDIANS AND
WILD HORSES AND RUNAWAY KIDS OF
ALL RACES AND RELIGIONS.

WILD HORSES AND RUNAWAY KIDS OF
ALL RACES AND RELIGIONS.
DON'T YOU TOUCH ME,

ALL RACES AND RELIGIONS.
DON'T YOU TOUCH ME,
BILLY PAUL!

DON'T YOU TOUCH ME,
BILLY PAUL!
I'LL CALL MY FATHER!

BILLY PAUL!
I'LL CALL MY FATHER!
IF YOU TOUCH ME, YOU'RE A DEAD

I'LL CALL MY FATHER!
IF YOU TOUCH ME, YOU'RE A DEAD
MAN, BILLY PAUL!

IF YOU TOUCH ME, YOU'RE A DEAD
MAN, BILLY PAUL!
OH, MY GOD, BERNARD.

MAN, BILLY PAUL!
OH, MY GOD, BERNARD.
LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE.

YOU KNOW, JEANIE AND THE KIDS
AT SCHOOL, THEY ALL TELL ME TO
TRY AND CONTROL MY TEMPER.

AT SCHOOL, THEY ALL TELL ME TO
TRY AND CONTROL MY TEMPER.
THEY TELL ME TO TRY AND BE

TRY AND CONTROL MY TEMPER.
THEY TELL ME TO TRY AND BE
NONVIOLENT.

THEY TELL ME TO TRY AND BE
NONVIOLENT.
AND I TRY, BERNARD.

NONVIOLENT.
AND I TRY, BERNARD.
HONEST TO GOD, I TRY.

AND I TRY, BERNARD.
HONEST TO GOD, I TRY.
BUT WHEN I LOOK AT THIS GIRL...

HONEST TO GOD, I TRY.
BUT WHEN I LOOK AT THIS GIRL...
THIS BEAUTIFUL FLOWER...

BUT WHEN I LOOK AT THIS GIRL...
THIS BEAUTIFUL FLOWER...
THIS INNOCENT CHILD...

THIS BEAUTIFUL FLOWER...
THIS INNOCENT CHILD...
AND WHEN I THINK THAT SHE WILL

THIS INNOCENT CHILD...
AND WHEN I THINK THAT SHE WILL
CARRY WITH HER THE MEMORY OF

AND WHEN I THINK THAT SHE WILL
CARRY WITH HER THE MEMORY OF
THIS HUMILIATION, EVERY SINGLE

CARRY WITH HER THE MEMORY OF
THIS HUMILIATION, EVERY SINGLE
DAY OF HER LIFE, I JUST GO

THIS HUMILIATION, EVERY SINGLE
DAY OF HER LIFE, I JUST GO
BERSERK!

DAY OF HER LIFE, I JUST GO
BERSERK!
UH...

BERSERK!
UH...
HEY, BILLY PAUL, UH...

UH...
HEY, BILLY PAUL, UH...
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE A COUPLE OF

HEY, BILLY PAUL, UH...
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE A COUPLE OF
SCOOPS OF ROCKY ROAD?

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE A COUPLE OF
SCOOPS OF ROCKY ROAD?
UH...

SCOOPS OF ROCKY ROAD?
UH...
OR MAYBE SOME BANANA BUNDT

UH...
OR MAYBE SOME BANANA BUNDT
OR SOME, UH, ALMOND MOCHA?

OR MAYBE SOME BANANA BUNDT
OR SOME, UH, ALMOND MOCHA?
I WANT A TRIPLE CONE.

OR SOME, UH, ALMOND MOCHA?
I WANT A TRIPLE CONE.
STRAWBERRY, CHOCOLATE...

I WANT A TRIPLE CONE.
STRAWBERRY, CHOCOLATE...
ARE YOU LISTENING?

STRAWBERRY, CHOCOLATE...
ARE YOU LISTENING?
STRAWBERRY, CHOCOLATE, AND

ARE YOU LISTENING?
STRAWBERRY, CHOCOLATE, AND
VANILLA.

STRAWBERRY, CHOCOLATE, AND
VANILLA.
THAT'S RED, BLACK, AND WHITE,

VANILLA.
THAT'S RED, BLACK, AND WHITE,
TOGETHER.

THAT'S RED, BLACK, AND WHITE,
TOGETHER.
IF ONLY THE WORLD COULD GET

TOGETHER.
IF ONLY THE WORLD COULD GET
ALONG AS WELL AS THIS ICE CREAM

IF ONLY THE WORLD COULD GET
ALONG AS WELL AS THIS ICE CREAM
CONE, BILLY PAUL WOULDN'T HAVE

ALONG AS WELL AS THIS ICE CREAM
CONE, BILLY PAUL WOULDN'T HAVE
TO KILL SO MANY PEOPLE.

CONE, BILLY PAUL WOULDN'T HAVE
TO KILL SO MANY PEOPLE.
♪ GO AHEAD AND HATE YOUR

TO KILL SO MANY PEOPLE.
♪ GO AHEAD AND HATE YOUR
NEIGHBOR ♪

♪ GO AHEAD AND HATE YOUR
NEIGHBOR ♪
♪ GO AHEAD AND CHEAT A FRIEND ♪

NEIGHBOR ♪
♪ GO AHEAD AND CHEAT A FRIEND ♪
♪ DO IT IN THE NAME OF HEAVEN ♪

♪ GO AHEAD AND CHEAT A FRIEND ♪
♪ DO IT IN THE NAME OF HEAVEN ♪
♪ YOU CAN JUSTIFY IT IN THE

♪ DO IT IN THE NAME OF HEAVEN ♪
♪ YOU CAN JUSTIFY IT IN THE
END ♪

♪ YOU CAN JUSTIFY IT IN THE
END ♪
♪ THERE WON'T BE ANY TRUMPETS

END ♪
♪ THERE WON'T BE ANY TRUMPETS
BLOWING ♪

♪ THERE WON'T BE ANY TRUMPETS
BLOWING ♪
♪ COME THE JUDGMENT DAY ♪

BLOWING ♪
♪ COME THE JUDGMENT DAY ♪
♪ ON THE BLOODY MORNING AFTER ♪

♪ COME THE JUDGMENT DAY ♪
♪ ON THE BLOODY MORNING AFTER ♪
♪ ONE TIN SOLDIER RIDES AWAY ♪

[INTRO TO "SOMETHING SO RIGHT"
PLAYS]

♪ YOU GOT THE COOL WATER ♪
♪ WHEN THE FEVER RUNS HIGH ♪
♪ YOU GOT THE LOOK OF LOVE LIGHT

♪ WHEN THE FEVER RUNS HIGH ♪
♪ YOU GOT THE LOOK OF LOVE LIGHT
IN YOUR EYES ♪

♪ YOU GOT THE LOOK OF LOVE LIGHT
IN YOUR EYES ♪
♪ AND I WAS IN CRAZY MOTION ♪

IN YOUR EYES ♪
♪ AND I WAS IN CRAZY MOTION ♪
♪ TILL YOU CALMED ME DOWN ♪

♪ AND I WAS IN CRAZY MOTION ♪
♪ TILL YOU CALMED ME DOWN ♪
♪ IT TOOK A LITTLE TIME ♪

♪ TILL YOU CALMED ME DOWN ♪
♪ IT TOOK A LITTLE TIME ♪
♪ BUT YOU CALMED ME DOWN ♪

♪ IT TOOK A LITTLE TIME ♪
♪ BUT YOU CALMED ME DOWN ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG ♪

♪ BUT YOU CALMED ME DOWN ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG ♪
♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪

♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG ♪
♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪

♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ AND THE LAST ONE TO KNOW ♪

♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ AND THE LAST ONE TO KNOW ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES RIGHT ♪

♪ AND THE LAST ONE TO KNOW ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES RIGHT ♪
♪ OH, IT'S LIKELY TO LOSE ME,

♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES RIGHT ♪
♪ OH, IT'S LIKELY TO LOSE ME,
MMM ♪

♪ OH, IT'S LIKELY TO LOSE ME,
MMM ♪
♪ IT'S APT TO CONFUSE ME ♪

MMM ♪
♪ IT'S APT TO CONFUSE ME ♪
♪ IT'S SUCH AN UNUSUAL SIGHT ♪

♪ IT'S APT TO CONFUSE ME ♪
♪ IT'S SUCH AN UNUSUAL SIGHT ♪
♪ OH, I CAN'T, I CAN'T GET USED

♪ IT'S SUCH AN UNUSUAL SIGHT ♪
♪ OH, I CAN'T, I CAN'T GET USED
TO SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪

♪ OH, I CAN'T, I CAN'T GET USED
TO SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪
♪ SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪

♪ THEY'VE GOT A WALL IN CHINA ♪
♪ IT'S A THOUSAND MILES LONG ♪
♪ TO KEEP OUT THE FOREIGNERS,

♪ IT'S A THOUSAND MILES LONG ♪
♪ TO KEEP OUT THE FOREIGNERS,
THEY MADE IT STRONG ♪

♪ TO KEEP OUT THE FOREIGNERS,
THEY MADE IT STRONG ♪
♪ AND I'VE GOT A WALL AROUND ME

THEY MADE IT STRONG ♪
♪ AND I'VE GOT A WALL AROUND ME
THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE ♪

♪ AND I'VE GOT A WALL AROUND ME
THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE ♪
♪ IT TOOK A LITTLE TIME, YEAH,

THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE ♪
♪ IT TOOK A LITTLE TIME, YEAH,
TO GET NEXT TO ME ♪

♪ IT TOOK A LITTLE TIME, YEAH,
TO GET NEXT TO ME ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG ♪

TO GET NEXT TO ME ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG ♪
♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪

♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG ♪
♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪

♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ THE LAST ONE TO KNOW ♪

♪ THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ THE LAST ONE TO KNOW ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES RIGHT ♪

♪ THE LAST ONE TO KNOW ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES RIGHT ♪
♪ OH, IT'S LIKELY TO LOSE ME,

♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES RIGHT ♪
♪ OH, IT'S LIKELY TO LOSE ME,
OH ♪

♪ OH, IT'S LIKELY TO LOSE ME,
OH ♪
♪ IT'S APT TO CONFUSE ME ♪

OH ♪
♪ IT'S APT TO CONFUSE ME ♪
♪ BECAUSE IT'S SUCH AN UNUSUAL

♪ IT'S APT TO CONFUSE ME ♪
♪ BECAUSE IT'S SUCH AN UNUSUAL
SIGHT ♪

♪ BECAUSE IT'S SUCH AN UNUSUAL
SIGHT ♪
♪ OH, I SWEAR, I CAN'T GET USED

SIGHT ♪
♪ OH, I SWEAR, I CAN'T GET USED
TO SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪

♪ OH, I SWEAR, I CAN'T GET USED
TO SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪
♪ SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪

TO SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪
♪ SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪
♪ SOME PEOPLE NEVER SAY THE

♪ SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪
♪ SOME PEOPLE NEVER SAY THE
WORDS "I LOVE YOU" ♪

♪ SOME PEOPLE NEVER SAY THE
WORDS "I LOVE YOU" ♪
♪ IT'S NOT THEIR STYLE

WORDS "I LOVE YOU" ♪
♪ IT'S NOT THEIR STYLE
TO BE SO BOLD ♪

♪ IT'S NOT THEIR STYLE
TO BE SO BOLD ♪
♪ SOME PEOPLE NEVER SAY THOSE

TO BE SO BOLD ♪
♪ SOME PEOPLE NEVER SAY THOSE
WORDS "I LOVE YOU" ♪

♪ SOME PEOPLE NEVER SAY THOSE
WORDS "I LOVE YOU" ♪
♪ BUT LIKE A CHILD, THEY'RE

WORDS "I LOVE YOU" ♪
♪ BUT LIKE A CHILD, THEY'RE
LONGING TO BE TO-O-LD ♪

♪ BUT LIKE A CHILD, THEY'RE
LONGING TO BE TO-O-LD ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG ♪

LONGING TO BE TO-O-LD ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG ♪
♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪

♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG ♪
♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪

♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ AND THE LAST ONE TO KNOW ♪

♪ THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ AND THE LAST ONE TO KNOW ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES RIGHT ♪

♪ AND THE LAST ONE TO KNOW ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES RIGHT ♪
♪ WELL, IT'S LIKELY TO LOSE ME,

♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES RIGHT ♪
♪ WELL, IT'S LIKELY TO LOSE ME,
OH ♪

♪ WELL, IT'S LIKELY TO LOSE ME,
OH ♪
♪ IT'S APT TO CONFUSE ME ♪

OH ♪
♪ IT'S APT TO CONFUSE ME ♪
♪ BEING IT'S SUCH AN UNUSUAL

♪ IT'S APT TO CONFUSE ME ♪
♪ BEING IT'S SUCH AN UNUSUAL
SIGHT ♪

♪ BEING IT'S SUCH AN UNUSUAL
SIGHT ♪
♪ OH, I SWEAR, I CAN'T GET USED

SIGHT ♪
♪ OH, I SWEAR, I CAN'T GET USED
TO SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪

♪ OH, I SWEAR, I CAN'T GET USED
TO SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪
♪ OH, OH, SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪

TO SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪
♪ OH, OH, SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU.
♪ WELL, I PULLED OUT OF
PITTSBURGH ♪

♪ WELL, I PULLED OUT OF
PITTSBURGH ♪
♪ ROLLIN' DOWN THAT EASTERN

PITTSBURGH ♪
♪ ROLLIN' DOWN THAT EASTERN
SEABOARD ♪

♪ ROLLIN' DOWN THAT EASTERN
SEABOARD ♪
♪ I GOT MY DIESEL WOUND UP, AND

SEABOARD ♪
♪ I GOT MY DIESEL WOUND UP, AND
SHE'S A-RUNNIN' LIKE NEVER

♪ I GOT MY DIESEL WOUND UP, AND
SHE'S A-RUNNIN' LIKE NEVER
BEFORE ♪

SHE'S A-RUNNIN' LIKE NEVER
BEFORE ♪
♪ THERE'S A SPEED ZONE

BEFORE ♪
♪ THERE'S A SPEED ZONE
AHEAD, ALL RIGHT... ♪

♪ THERE'S A SPEED ZONE
AHEAD, ALL RIGHT... ♪
HELLO, EVERYBODY, AND

AHEAD, ALL RIGHT... ♪
HELLO, EVERYBODY, AND
WELCOME.

HELLO, EVERYBODY, AND
WELCOME.
AS YOU GATHERED FROM THE FILM

WELCOME.
AS YOU GATHERED FROM THE FILM
CLIP OFF THE TOP OF THE SHOW,

AS YOU GATHERED FROM THE FILM
CLIP OFF THE TOP OF THE SHOW,
WE'RE GONNA BE DOING A SHOW

CLIP OFF THE TOP OF THE SHOW,
WE'RE GONNA BE DOING A SHOW
ABOUT TRUCKS AND TRUCKERS

WE'RE GONNA BE DOING A SHOW
ABOUT TRUCKS AND TRUCKERS
TONIGHT, AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY

ABOUT TRUCKS AND TRUCKERS
TONIGHT, AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY
IT.

TONIGHT, AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY
IT.
I'D LIKE TO SAY, UH, AT THE

IT.
I'D LIKE TO SAY, UH, AT THE
OUTSET...

I'D LIKE TO SAY, UH, AT THE
OUTSET...
[APPLAUSE]

OUTSET...
[APPLAUSE]
OF THE PROGRAM THAT WE HAD

[APPLAUSE]
OF THE PROGRAM THAT WE HAD
SUCH A GOOD TIME IN ENGLAND,

OF THE PROGRAM THAT WE HAD
SUCH A GOOD TIME IN ENGLAND,
WE'RE GONNA TRY TO GET BACK

SUCH A GOOD TIME IN ENGLAND,
WE'RE GONNA TRY TO GET BACK
THERE.

WE'RE GONNA TRY TO GET BACK
THERE.
AT LEAST, I'M GONNA TRY TO GET

THERE.
AT LEAST, I'M GONNA TRY TO GET
BACK THERE.

AT LEAST, I'M GONNA TRY TO GET
BACK THERE.
WHETHER THE PRODUCTION CREW CAN

BACK THERE.
WHETHER THE PRODUCTION CREW CAN
COME WITH ME, THAT'S ANOTHER

WHETHER THE PRODUCTION CREW CAN
COME WITH ME, THAT'S ANOTHER
MATTER, AND ONE THAT WILL BE

COME WITH ME, THAT'S ANOTHER
MATTER, AND ONE THAT WILL BE
DECIDED UPSTAIRS AT THE RCA

MATTER, AND ONE THAT WILL BE
DECIDED UPSTAIRS AT THE RCA
BUILDING, OR ACTUALLY

DECIDED UPSTAIRS AT THE RCA
BUILDING, OR ACTUALLY
DOWNSTAIRS.

BUILDING, OR ACTUALLY
DOWNSTAIRS.
IF YOU KNOW THE RCA BUILDING, WE

DOWNSTAIRS.
IF YOU KNOW THE RCA BUILDING, WE
TAPE ON 6 AND THE EXECUTIVE

IF YOU KNOW THE RCA BUILDING, WE
TAPE ON 6 AND THE EXECUTIVE
OFFICES ARE ON 4.

TAPE ON 6 AND THE EXECUTIVE
OFFICES ARE ON 4.
HA HA HA.

OFFICES ARE ON 4.
HA HA HA.
[LAUGHTER]

HA HA HA.
[LAUGHTER]
WE'RE TALKING TONIGHT WITH

[LAUGHTER]
WE'RE TALKING TONIGHT WITH
MR. PAUL SIMON.

WE'RE TALKING TONIGHT WITH
MR. PAUL SIMON.
HE'S HEAD OF THE EASTERN

MR. PAUL SIMON.
HE'S HEAD OF THE EASTERN
SEABOARD CHAPTER OF THE

HE'S HEAD OF THE EASTERN
SEABOARD CHAPTER OF THE
INDEPENDENT TRUCKERS ASSOCIATION

SEABOARD CHAPTER OF THE
INDEPENDENT TRUCKERS ASSOCIATION
OF AMERICA.

INDEPENDENT TRUCKERS ASSOCIATION
OF AMERICA.
MR. SIMON, THE GYPSY TRUCKER'S A

OF AMERICA.
MR. SIMON, THE GYPSY TRUCKER'S A
HARDWORKING MAN, AND I WANT TO

MR. SIMON, THE GYPSY TRUCKER'S A
HARDWORKING MAN, AND I WANT TO
ASK YOU, SIR, YOU PUSH A RIG 24

HARDWORKING MAN, AND I WANT TO
ASK YOU, SIR, YOU PUSH A RIG 24
HOURS A DAY.

ASK YOU, SIR, YOU PUSH A RIG 24
HOURS A DAY.
DO YOU HAVE A RATE SET PER

HOURS A DAY.
DO YOU HAVE A RATE SET PER
MILEAGE, AND WELL, HOW THE HELL

DO YOU HAVE A RATE SET PER
MILEAGE, AND WELL, HOW THE HELL
DO YOU DO IT, SIR?

MILEAGE, AND WELL, HOW THE HELL
DO YOU DO IT, SIR?
LET ME JUST START OFF BY

DO YOU DO IT, SIR?
LET ME JUST START OFF BY
SAYING THAT I AM NOT AN

LET ME JUST START OFF BY
SAYING THAT I AM NOT AN
INDEPENDENT TRUCKER.

SAYING THAT I AM NOT AN
INDEPENDENT TRUCKER.
I MEAN, I NEVER DROVE A TRUCK.

INDEPENDENT TRUCKER.
I MEAN, I NEVER DROVE A TRUCK.
UH...

I MEAN, I NEVER DROVE A TRUCK.
UH...
MY NAME IS PAUL SIMON, BUT

UH...
MY NAME IS PAUL SIMON, BUT
I'M A SONGWRITER.

MY NAME IS PAUL SIMON, BUT
I'M A SONGWRITER.
I'M NOT A TRUCKER.

I'M A SONGWRITER.
I'M NOT A TRUCKER.
YOU'RE PAUL SIMON AND YOU'RE

I'M NOT A TRUCKER.
YOU'RE PAUL SIMON AND YOU'RE
A SONGWRITER, BUT YOU WROTE THE

YOU'RE PAUL SIMON AND YOU'RE
A SONGWRITER, BUT YOU WROTE THE
TRUCKING SONG WE HEARD OFF THE

A SONGWRITER, BUT YOU WROTE THE
TRUCKING SONG WE HEARD OFF THE
TOP OF THE SHOW.

TRUCKING SONG WE HEARD OFF THE
TOP OF THE SHOW.
IS THAT CORRECT?

TOP OF THE SHOW.
IS THAT CORRECT?
NO. NO, I...

IS THAT CORRECT?
NO. NO, I...
BUT YOU DO WRITE SONGS ABOUT

NO. NO, I...
BUT YOU DO WRITE SONGS ABOUT
TRUCKS AND TRUCKERS.

BUT YOU DO WRITE SONGS ABOUT
TRUCKS AND TRUCKERS.
NO, I'VE NEVER WRITTEN A SONG

TRUCKS AND TRUCKERS.
NO, I'VE NEVER WRITTEN A SONG
ABOUT A TRUCK OR TRUCKERS.

NO, I'VE NEVER WRITTEN A SONG
ABOUT A TRUCK OR TRUCKERS.
ALL RIGHT, SIR.

ABOUT A TRUCK OR TRUCKERS.
ALL RIGHT, SIR.
SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE, I

ALL RIGHT, SIR.
SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE, I
GUESS I MADE A MISTAKE OR MY

SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE, I
GUESS I MADE A MISTAKE OR MY
STAFF HAS MADE A MISTAKE, AND,

GUESS I MADE A MISTAKE OR MY
STAFF HAS MADE A MISTAKE, AND,
WELL, WHEN I HEARD THAT WE'D

STAFF HAS MADE A MISTAKE, AND,
WELL, WHEN I HEARD THAT WE'D
BOOKED PAUL SIMON, I ASSUMED

WELL, WHEN I HEARD THAT WE'D
BOOKED PAUL SIMON, I ASSUMED
THAT IT WAS A MR. SIMON THAT

BOOKED PAUL SIMON, I ASSUMED
THAT IT WAS A MR. SIMON THAT
WE'D INTERVIEWED BEFORE FROM THE

THAT IT WAS A MR. SIMON THAT
WE'D INTERVIEWED BEFORE FROM THE
I.T.A.

WE'D INTERVIEWED BEFORE FROM THE
I.T.A.
YOU'RE NOT THAT PAUL SIMON.

I.T.A.
YOU'RE NOT THAT PAUL SIMON.
YOU'RE PAUL SIMON THE WRITER,

YOU'RE NOT THAT PAUL SIMON.
YOU'RE PAUL SIMON THE WRITER,
AND NOW THAT I KNOW WHO YOU ARE,

YOU'RE PAUL SIMON THE WRITER,
AND NOW THAT I KNOW WHO YOU ARE,
AND YOU KNOW THAT I KNOW WHO YOU

AND NOW THAT I KNOW WHO YOU ARE,
AND YOU KNOW THAT I KNOW WHO YOU
ARE, MY FIRST QUESTION TO YOU,

AND YOU KNOW THAT I KNOW WHO YOU
ARE, MY FIRST QUESTION TO YOU,
SIR, WOULD BE, HOW THE HECK DO

ARE, MY FIRST QUESTION TO YOU,
SIR, WOULD BE, HOW THE HECK DO
YOU DO IT?

SIR, WOULD BE, HOW THE HECK DO
YOU DO IT?
YOU HAVE AN ENDLESS STRING OF

YOU DO IT?
YOU HAVE AN ENDLESS STRING OF
HITS... "BAREFOOT IN THE PARK,"

YOU HAVE AN ENDLESS STRING OF
HITS... "BAREFOOT IN THE PARK,"
"THE ODD COUPLE," UH...

HITS... "BAREFOOT IN THE PARK,"
"THE ODD COUPLE," UH...
"STAR-SPANGLED GIRL,"

"THE ODD COUPLE," UH...
"STAR-SPANGLED GIRL,"
"CALIFORNIA SUITE"... WHICH,

"STAR-SPANGLED GIRL,"
"CALIFORNIA SUITE"... WHICH,
INCIDENTALLY, I SAW IN

"CALIFORNIA SUITE"... WHICH,
INCIDENTALLY, I SAW IN
CALIFORNIA AND I SAW IN

INCIDENTALLY, I SAW IN
CALIFORNIA AND I SAW IN
NEW YORK, AND I LIKED THE

CALIFORNIA AND I SAW IN
NEW YORK, AND I LIKED THE
NEW YORK PRODUCTION A LOT

NEW YORK, AND I LIKED THE
NEW YORK PRODUCTION A LOT
BETTER.

NEW YORK PRODUCTION A LOT
BETTER.
HOW DO YOU KEEP COMING UP WITH

BETTER.
HOW DO YOU KEEP COMING UP WITH
THEM?

HOW DO YOU KEEP COMING UP WITH
THEM?
UH, WELL, I DON'T ACTUALLY.

THEM?
UH, WELL, I DON'T ACTUALLY.
THAT'S NEIL SIMON.

UH, WELL, I DON'T ACTUALLY.
THAT'S NEIL SIMON.
PLAYS, MO...

THAT'S NEIL SIMON.
PLAYS, MO...
I THINK YOU'RE THINKING OF

PLAYS, MO...
I THINK YOU'RE THINKING OF
NEIL SIMON, AREN'T YOU, THE

I THINK YOU'RE THINKING OF
NEIL SIMON, AREN'T YOU, THE
PLAYWRIGHT?

NEIL SIMON, AREN'T YOU, THE
PLAYWRIGHT?
NEIL SIMON.

PLAYWRIGHT?
NEIL SIMON.
AND YOU'RE PAUL SIMON.

NEIL SIMON.
AND YOU'RE PAUL SIMON.
SO, YOU'D BE A RELATION TO HIM,

AND YOU'RE PAUL SIMON.
SO, YOU'D BE A RELATION TO HIM,
AND THAT'S WHY YOU'RE HERE...

SO, YOU'D BE A RELATION TO HIM,
AND THAT'S WHY YOU'RE HERE...
NO. NO RELATION.

AND THAT'S WHY YOU'RE HERE...
NO. NO RELATION.
WELL, SIR, THEN, AT THIS

NO. NO RELATION.
WELL, SIR, THEN, AT THIS
POINT, LET ME ASK YOU, WHAT

WELL, SIR, THEN, AT THIS
POINT, LET ME ASK YOU, WHAT
EXACTLY DO YOU DO?

POINT, LET ME ASK YOU, WHAT
EXACTLY DO YOU DO?
WELL, I WAS UNDER THE

EXACTLY DO YOU DO?
WELL, I WAS UNDER THE
IMPRESSION THAT YOU INVITED ME

WELL, I WAS UNDER THE
IMPRESSION THAT YOU INVITED ME
ON THE SHOW, I MEAN, TO TALK

IMPRESSION THAT YOU INVITED ME
ON THE SHOW, I MEAN, TO TALK
ABOUT A BENEFIT THAT I'M ABOUT

ON THE SHOW, I MEAN, TO TALK
ABOUT A BENEFIT THAT I'M ABOUT
TO DO AT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN

ABOUT A BENEFIT THAT I'M ABOUT
TO DO AT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN
FOR THE AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES

TO DO AT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN
FOR THE AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES
UNION.

FOR THE AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES
UNION.
AH.

UNION.
AH.
THE AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES

AH.
THE AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES
UNION.

THE AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES
UNION.
I THOUGHT YOU KNEW THAT.

UNION.
I THOUGHT YOU KNEW THAT.
YOU'RE A SONGWRITER, AND YOU,

I THOUGHT YOU KNEW THAT.
YOU'RE A SONGWRITER, AND YOU,
WELL, NOW I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

YOU'RE A SONGWRITER, AND YOU,
WELL, NOW I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
LET ME ASK YOU THIS QUESTION.

WELL, NOW I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
LET ME ASK YOU THIS QUESTION.
AS AN ENGLISHMAN LIVING IN THIS

LET ME ASK YOU THIS QUESTION.
AS AN ENGLISHMAN LIVING IN THIS
COUNTRY WHO'S BEEN HAVING

AS AN ENGLISHMAN LIVING IN THIS
COUNTRY WHO'S BEEN HAVING
TROUBLE WITH IMMIGRATION, I

COUNTRY WHO'S BEEN HAVING
TROUBLE WITH IMMIGRATION, I
GUESS YOU'RE PRETTY HAPPY AT THE

TROUBLE WITH IMMIGRATION, I
GUESS YOU'RE PRETTY HAPPY AT THE
WAY THINGS TURNED OUT.

GUESS YOU'RE PRETTY HAPPY AT THE
WAY THINGS TURNED OUT.
YEAH, WELL, THEY'RE NOT

WAY THINGS TURNED OUT.
YEAH, WELL, THEY'RE NOT
BOTHERING ME, SINCE I WAS BORN

YEAH, WELL, THEY'RE NOT
BOTHERING ME, SINCE I WAS BORN
IN NEWARK.

BOTHERING ME, SINCE I WAS BORN
IN NEWARK.
YOU KNOW, THINGS HAVE BEEN GOING

IN NEWARK.
YOU KNOW, THINGS HAVE BEEN GOING
ALL RIGHT.

YOU KNOW, THINGS HAVE BEEN GOING
ALL RIGHT.
BUT YOU LIVE IN NEW YORK, AND

ALL RIGHT.
BUT YOU LIVE IN NEW YORK, AND
YOU DO HAVE A JAPANESE WIFE.

BUT YOU LIVE IN NEW YORK, AND
YOU DO HAVE A JAPANESE WIFE.
I DON'T HAVE A JAPANESE WIFE.

YOU DO HAVE A JAPANESE WIFE.
I DON'T HAVE A JAPANESE WIFE.
COME ON, NOW.

I DON'T HAVE A JAPANESE WIFE.
COME ON, NOW.
ONE OF YOU HAS A JAPANESE WIFE.

COME ON, NOW.
ONE OF YOU HAS A JAPANESE WIFE.
HA HA HA.

ONE OF YOU HAS A JAPANESE WIFE.
HA HA HA.
LOOK, UH...

HA HA HA.
LOOK, UH...
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

LOOK, UH...
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I WAS INVITED ON THIS SHOW...

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I WAS INVITED ON THIS SHOW...
AND IT'S OBVIOUS TO ME THAT YOU

I WAS INVITED ON THIS SHOW...
AND IT'S OBVIOUS TO ME THAT YOU
DON'T KNOW WHO OR WHAT I AM.

AND IT'S OBVIOUS TO ME THAT YOU
DON'T KNOW WHO OR WHAT I AM.
I'VE NEVER EVEN SEEN YOUR SHOW.

DON'T KNOW WHO OR WHAT I AM.
I'VE NEVER EVEN SEEN YOUR SHOW.
I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE, SO I'LL

I'VE NEVER EVEN SEEN YOUR SHOW.
I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE, SO I'LL
JUST BE SAYING GOOD NIGHT, THEN.

I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE, SO I'LL
JUST BE SAYING GOOD NIGHT, THEN.
UH, YEAH. GOOD NIGHT.

JUST BE SAYING GOOD NIGHT, THEN.
UH, YEAH. GOOD NIGHT.
WELL, SIR, FINE.

UH, YEAH. GOOD NIGHT.
WELL, SIR, FINE.
IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU FEEL, I

WELL, SIR, FINE.
IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU FEEL, I
CAN RESPECT THAT.

IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU FEEL, I
CAN RESPECT THAT.
I CAN RESPECT ANY MAN'S

CAN RESPECT THAT.
I CAN RESPECT ANY MAN'S
OPINIONS.

I CAN RESPECT ANY MAN'S
OPINIONS.
I GUESS WHAT WE'VE SEEN THERE IS

OPINIONS.
I GUESS WHAT WE'VE SEEN THERE IS
A LITTLE BIT OF THE ANGER OF THE

I GUESS WHAT WE'VE SEEN THERE IS
A LITTLE BIT OF THE ANGER OF THE
'60s, A LITTLE BIT OF THE ANGER

A LITTLE BIT OF THE ANGER OF THE
'60s, A LITTLE BIT OF THE ANGER
THAT CAUSED SOME OF THE HIJINKS

'60s, A LITTLE BIT OF THE ANGER
THAT CAUSED SOME OF THE HIJINKS
AT COLLEGE CAMPUSES, AND SOME OF

THAT CAUSED SOME OF THE HIJINKS
AT COLLEGE CAMPUSES, AND SOME OF
THAT ANGER WE'LL BE SEEING AT

AT COLLEGE CAMPUSES, AND SOME OF
THAT ANGER WE'LL BE SEEING AT
THAT BENEFIT FOR THE AMERICAN

THAT ANGER WE'LL BE SEEING AT
THAT BENEFIT FOR THE AMERICAN
CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION.

THAT BENEFIT FOR THE AMERICAN
CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION.
AND, SIR, GOOD LUCK TO YOU, AND

CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION.
AND, SIR, GOOD LUCK TO YOU, AND
WELL, BYE-BYE.

AND, SIR, GOOD LUCK TO YOU, AND
WELL, BYE-BYE.
WE'LL BE BACK AFTER THIS

WELL, BYE-BYE.
WE'LL BE BACK AFTER THIS
COMMERCIAL WITH AN 85-YEAR-OLD

WE'LL BE BACK AFTER THIS
COMMERCIAL WITH AN 85-YEAR-OLD
INTERIOR DECORATOR WHO CLAIMS

COMMERCIAL WITH AN 85-YEAR-OLD
INTERIOR DECORATOR WHO CLAIMS
SHE WAS ABDUCTED BY 9-FOOT-TALL

INTERIOR DECORATOR WHO CLAIMS
SHE WAS ABDUCTED BY 9-FOOT-TALL
HUMANOIDS IN A FOREST IN

SHE WAS ABDUCTED BY 9-FOOT-TALL
HUMANOIDS IN A FOREST IN
ARIZONA.

HUMANOIDS IN A FOREST IN
ARIZONA.
BUT FIRST, HERE'S A FILM BY

ARIZONA.
BUT FIRST, HERE'S A FILM BY
GEORGE HARRISON.

BUT FIRST, HERE'S A FILM BY
GEORGE HARRISON.
[APPLAUSE]

GEORGE HARRISON.
[APPLAUSE]
[INTRO TO "THIS SONG" PLAYS]

♪ THIS SONG ♪
♪ HAS NOTHING TRICKY ABOUT IT ♪
♪ THIS SONG ♪

♪ HAS NOTHING TRICKY ABOUT IT ♪
♪ THIS SONG ♪
♪ AIN'T BLACK OR WHITE ♪

♪ THIS SONG ♪
♪ AIN'T BLACK OR WHITE ♪
♪ AND AS FAR AS I KNOW,

♪ AIN'T BLACK OR WHITE ♪
♪ AND AS FAR AS I KNOW,
DON'T INFRINGE ON ANYONE'S

♪ AND AS FAR AS I KNOW,
DON'T INFRINGE ON ANYONE'S
COPYRIGHT, SO ♪

DON'T INFRINGE ON ANYONE'S
COPYRIGHT, SO ♪
♪ THIS SONG ♪

COPYRIGHT, SO ♪
♪ THIS SONG ♪
♪ WE'LL LET BE ♪

♪ THIS SONG ♪
♪ WE'LL LET BE ♪
♪ THIS SONG IS IN "E" ♪

♪ WE'LL LET BE ♪
♪ THIS SONG IS IN "E" ♪
♪ THIS SONG IS FOR YOU AND

♪ THIS TUNE ♪
♪ HAS NOTHING BRIGHT ABOUT IT ♪
♪ THIS TUNE ♪

♪ HAS NOTHING BRIGHT ABOUT IT ♪
♪ THIS TUNE ♪
♪ AIN'T BAD OR GOOD ♪

♪ THIS TUNE ♪
♪ AIN'T BAD OR GOOD ♪
♪ AND COME EVER WHAT MAY, MY

♪ AIN'T BAD OR GOOD ♪
♪ AND COME EVER WHAT MAY, MY
EXPERT TELLS ME IT'S OKAY ♪

♪ AND COME EVER WHAT MAY, MY
EXPERT TELLS ME IT'S OKAY ♪
♪ AS THIS SONG CAME TO ME

EXPERT TELLS ME IT'S OKAY ♪
♪ AS THIS SONG CAME TO ME
UNKNOWINGLY ♪

♪ AS THIS SONG CAME TO ME
UNKNOWINGLY ♪
♪ THIS SONG COULD BE YOU,

UNKNOWINGLY ♪
♪ THIS SONG COULD BE YOU,
COULD BE ♪

♪ THIS SONG COULD BE YOU,
COULD BE ♪
[INDISTINCT TALKING]

COULD BE ♪
[INDISTINCT TALKING]
♪ OOH OOH OOH ♪

♪ THIS RIFF ♪
♪ AIN'T TRYING TO WIN GOLD
MEDALS ♪

♪ AIN'T TRYING TO WIN GOLD
MEDALS ♪
♪ THIS RIFF ♪

MEDALS ♪
♪ THIS RIFF ♪
♪ AIN'T HIP OR SQUARE,

♪ THIS RIFF ♪
♪ AIN'T HIP OR SQUARE,
WELL-DONE OR RARE ♪

♪ AIN'T HIP OR SQUARE,
WELL-DONE OR RARE ♪
♪ MAY END UP ONE MORE WEIGHT TO

WELL-DONE OR RARE ♪
♪ MAY END UP ONE MORE WEIGHT TO
BEAR ♪

♪ MAY END UP ONE MORE WEIGHT TO
BEAR ♪
♪ BUT THIS SONG COULD WELL BE

BEAR ♪
♪ BUT THIS SONG COULD WELL BE
A REASON TO SEE ♪

♪ BUT THIS SONG COULD WELL BE
A REASON TO SEE ♪
♪ THAT WITHOUT YOU THERE'S NO

A REASON TO SEE ♪
♪ THAT WITHOUT YOU THERE'S NO
POINT TO THIS SONG ♪

♪ THIS SONG COULD WELL BE
A REASON TO SEE ♪
♪ THAT WITHOUT YOU THERE'S NO

A REASON TO SEE ♪
♪ THAT WITHOUT YOU THERE'S NO
POINT TO THIS SONG ♪

[APPLAUSE]

[INTRO TO "BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED
WATER" PLAYS]

♪ WHEN YOU'RE WEARY ♪
[APPLAUSE]
♪ FEELING SMALL ♪

[APPLAUSE]
♪ FEELING SMALL ♪
♪ WHEN TEARS ARE IN YOUR EYES ♪

♪ FEELING SMALL ♪
♪ WHEN TEARS ARE IN YOUR EYES ♪
♪ I WILL DRY THEM ALL ♪

♪ WHEN TEARS ARE IN YOUR EYES ♪
♪ I WILL DRY THEM ALL ♪
♪ I'M ON YOUR SIDE ♪

♪ I WILL DRY THEM ALL ♪
♪ I'M ON YOUR SIDE ♪
♪ OH, WHEN TIMES GET ROUGH ♪

♪ I'M ON YOUR SIDE ♪
♪ OH, WHEN TIMES GET ROUGH ♪
♪ AND FRIENDS JUST CAN'T BE

♪ OH, WHEN TIMES GET ROUGH ♪
♪ AND FRIENDS JUST CAN'T BE
FOUND ♪

♪ AND FRIENDS JUST CAN'T BE
FOUND ♪
♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED

FOUND ♪
♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED
WATER ♪

♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED
WATER ♪
♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪

WATER ♪
♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪
♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED

♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪
♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED
WATER ♪

♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED
WATER ♪
♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE DOWN AND YOU'RE
OUT ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE ON THE STREETS,

OUT ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE ON THE STREETS,
YEAH ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE ON THE STREETS,
YEAH ♪
♪ WHEN EVENING FALLS SO HARD ♪

YEAH ♪
♪ WHEN EVENING FALLS SO HARD ♪
♪ I WILL COMFORT YOU ♪

♪ WHEN EVENING FALLS SO HARD ♪
♪ I WILL COMFORT YOU ♪
♪ I'LL TAKE YOUR PART ♪

♪ I WILL COMFORT YOU ♪
♪ I'LL TAKE YOUR PART ♪
♪ OH, WHEN DARKNESS COMES ♪

♪ I'LL TAKE YOUR PART ♪
♪ OH, WHEN DARKNESS COMES ♪
♪ AND PAIN IS ALL AROUND ♪

♪ OH, WHEN DARKNESS COMES ♪
♪ AND PAIN IS ALL AROUND ♪
♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED

♪ AND PAIN IS ALL AROUND ♪
♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED
WATER ♪

♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED
WATER ♪
♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪

WATER ♪
♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪
♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED

♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪
♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED
WATER ♪

♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED
WATER ♪
♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪

WATER ♪
♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪
♪ MMM-MMM-MMM-MMM ♪

♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪
♪ MMM-MMM-MMM-MMM ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

♪ MMM-MMM-MMM-MMM ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.

GOOD NIGHT TO EVERYONE.

A HAPPY THANKSGIVING.

AND MY SPECIAL APOLOGIES TO

MICHAEL O'DONOGHUE.

HE KNOWS WHY.

[APPLAUSE]

GOOD NIGHT.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[BAND PLAYS]

Announcer: NEXT SATURDAY

NIGHT, OUR HOST WILL BE

JODIE FOSTER, WITH A SPECIAL

APPEARANCE BY BRIAN WILSON OF

THE BEACH BOYS.

YOU KNOW, I'M AN OLD BEACH BOY

MYSELF.

WHEN THE SURF WAS UP, SO WAS I.

BUT THAT'S ANOTHER STORY, AND SO

AM I.

THIS IS DON PARDO, HANGING TEN

AND SAYING, "GOOD NIGHT!"

WHEEEEEE!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

[CONTINUES]