Saturday Night Live (1975–…): Season 2, Episode 8 - Paul Simon/George Harrison - full transcript
The host for the episode is Paul Simon (his second appearance), and the musical guest is George Harrison. The skits for this episode are as follows: George Harrison feels that he should receive the $3000 Lorne Michaels promised th...
Announcer: PORTIONS OF THE
FOLLOWING PROGRAM HAVE BEEN
PRE-RECORDED.
FOLLOWING PROGRAM HAVE BEEN
PRE-RECORDED.
[GUITAR PLAYS]
PRE-RECORDED.
[GUITAR PLAYS]
♪ THIS LAND IS YOUR LAND ♪
[GUITAR PLAYS]
♪ THIS LAND IS YOUR LAND ♪
♪ THIS LAND IS MY LAND ♪
♪ THIS LAND IS YOUR LAND ♪
♪ THIS LAND IS MY LAND ♪
♪ FROM CAL.. ♪
♪ THIS LAND IS MY LAND ♪
♪ FROM CAL.. ♪
THANK YOU.
♪ FROM CAL.. ♪
THANK YOU.
♪ ...IFORNIA TO THE NEW YORK
THANK YOU.
♪ ...IFORNIA TO THE NEW YORK
ISLANDS ♪
♪ ...IFORNIA TO THE NEW YORK
ISLANDS ♪
CHEVY! CHEVY!
ISLANDS ♪
CHEVY! CHEVY!
PAUL, HOW ARE YOU?
CHEVY! CHEVY!
PAUL, HOW ARE YOU?
GOOD TO SEE YOU!
PAUL, HOW ARE YOU?
GOOD TO SEE YOU!
HOW ARE YA?
GOOD TO SEE YOU!
HOW ARE YA?
I'M FINE. I'M FINE. I'M FINE.
HOW ARE YA?
I'M FINE. I'M FINE. I'M FINE.
WELL, HOW'S IT BEEN GOING
I'M FINE. I'M FINE. I'M FINE.
WELL, HOW'S IT BEEN GOING
SINCE YOU LEFT THE SHOW?
WELL, HOW'S IT BEEN GOING
SINCE YOU LEFT THE SHOW?
OH, HEY. DYNAMITE!
SINCE YOU LEFT THE SHOW?
OH, HEY. DYNAMITE!
REALLY?
OH, HEY. DYNAMITE!
REALLY?
ARE YOU DOING SPECIALS?
REALLY?
ARE YOU DOING SPECIALS?
OH, YEAH, I'M WORKING ON
ARE YOU DOING SPECIALS?
OH, YEAH, I'M WORKING ON
SPECIALS EVEN AS WE TALK.
OH, YEAH, I'M WORKING ON
SPECIALS EVEN AS WE TALK.
MOVIES?
SPECIALS EVEN AS WE TALK.
MOVIES?
I'M WRITING, THE MOVIES.
MOVIES?
I'M WRITING, THE MOVIES.
FANTASTIC.
I'M WRITING, THE MOVIES.
FANTASTIC.
SO IT WAS WORTH IT TO LEAVE THE
FANTASTIC.
SO IT WAS WORTH IT TO LEAVE THE
SHOW WHEN YOU DID.
SO IT WAS WORTH IT TO LEAVE THE
SHOW WHEN YOU DID.
YEAH. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
SHOW WHEN YOU DID.
YEAH. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M GONNA DO THE SHOW
YEAH. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M GONNA DO THE SHOW
TONIGHT.
I'M GONNA DO THE SHOW
TONIGHT.
THAT'S GREAT!
TONIGHT.
THAT'S GREAT!
I'M THE HOST, YEAH.
THAT'S GREAT!
I'M THE HOST, YEAH.
YOU'RE A LITTLE BIT EARLY.
I'M THE HOST, YEAH.
YOU'RE A LITTLE BIT EARLY.
I HAVE TO GET CHANGED INTO A
YOU'RE A LITTLE BIT EARLY.
I HAVE TO GET CHANGED INTO A
COSTUME FOR THE OPENING.
I HAVE TO GET CHANGED INTO A
COSTUME FOR THE OPENING.
OH, THAT'S FUNNY.
COSTUME FOR THE OPENING.
OH, THAT'S FUNNY.
IS IT GOOD?
OH, THAT'S FUNNY.
IS IT GOOD?
TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I HAVE
IS IT GOOD?
TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I HAVE
MY DOUBTS ABOUT THE WHOLE
TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I HAVE
MY DOUBTS ABOUT THE WHOLE
CONCEPT.
MY DOUBTS ABOUT THE WHOLE
CONCEPT.
IT'S SOMETHING THEY WROTE.
CONCEPT.
IT'S SOMETHING THEY WROTE.
I'M GONNA TALK TO LORNE ABOUT IT
IT'S SOMETHING THEY WROTE.
I'M GONNA TALK TO LORNE ABOUT IT
ANYWAY.
I'M GONNA TALK TO LORNE ABOUT IT
ANYWAY.
AH. HEY, HEY.
ANYWAY.
AH. HEY, HEY.
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
AH. HEY, HEY.
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
OKAY, YEAH. GREAT, CHEV.
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
OKAY, YEAH. GREAT, CHEV.
SEE YOU A LITTLE BIT LATER.
OKAY, YEAH. GREAT, CHEV.
SEE YOU A LITTLE BIT LATER.
OKAY, SEE YOU LATER.
SEE YOU A LITTLE BIT LATER.
OKAY, SEE YOU LATER.
OOH! LISTEN.
OKAY, SEE YOU LATER.
OOH! LISTEN.
HEY! WHY DON'T YOU COME TO THE
OOH! LISTEN.
HEY! WHY DON'T YOU COME TO THE
PARTY AFTER THE SHOW?
HEY! WHY DON'T YOU COME TO THE
PARTY AFTER THE SHOW?
PARTY?
PARTY AFTER THE SHOW?
PARTY?
I'D LOVE TO DO THAT, MAN.
PARTY?
I'D LOVE TO DO THAT, MAN.
IF I'M FINISHED WITH MY WORK,
I'D LOVE TO DO THAT, MAN.
IF I'M FINISHED WITH MY WORK,
I'LL BE THERE.
IF I'M FINISHED WITH MY WORK,
I'LL BE THERE.
EVERYONE WOULD LOVE TO SEE
I'LL BE THERE.
EVERYONE WOULD LOVE TO SEE
YOU.
EVERYONE WOULD LOVE TO SEE
YOU.
THEY WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU
YOU.
THEY WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU
AGAIN.
THEY WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU
AGAIN.
OKAY.
AGAIN.
OKAY.
BEAUTIFUL.
OKAY.
BEAUTIFUL.
SEE YOU LATER.
BEAUTIFUL.
SEE YOU LATER.
OKAY, BEAUTIFUL.
SEE YOU LATER.
OKAY, BEAUTIFUL.
♪ DO YOU KNOW... DO ♪
OKAY, BEAUTIFUL.
♪ DO YOU KNOW... DO ♪
[STRUMS OUT-OF-TUNE CHORD]
♪ DO YOU KNOW... DO ♪
[STRUMS OUT-OF-TUNE CHORD]
[HUMS]
[STRUMS OUT-OF-TUNE CHORD]
[HUMS]
♪ DO YOU KNOW THE WAY TO
[HUMS]
♪ DO YOU KNOW THE WAY TO
SAN JOSE? ♪
♪ DO YOU KNOW THE WAY TO
SAN JOSE? ♪
♪ DO YOU KNOW... ♪
SAN JOSE? ♪
♪ DO YOU KNOW... ♪
DYLAN!
♪ DO YOU KNOW... ♪
DYLAN!
DYLAN
DYLAN!
DYLAN
♪ NOBODY FEELS ANY PAIN ♪
I MEAN, HOW DO YOU THINK I
FEEL?
I FEEL TERRIBLE ABOUT IT.
FEEL?
I FEEL TERRIBLE ABOUT IT.
NO GOOD SAYING THAT NOW.
I FEEL TERRIBLE ABOUT IT.
NO GOOD SAYING THAT NOW.
I'VE COME ALL THIS WAY.
NO GOOD SAYING THAT NOW.
I'VE COME ALL THIS WAY.
$3,000. THAT WAS THE DEAL.
I'VE COME ALL THIS WAY.
$3,000. THAT WAS THE DEAL.
I UNDERSTAND, BUT IT WAS JUST
$3,000. THAT WAS THE DEAL.
I UNDERSTAND, BUT IT WAS JUST
ONE OF THOSE MIX-UPS.
I UNDERSTAND, BUT IT WAS JUST
ONE OF THOSE MIX-UPS.
I MEAN, IT'S...
ONE OF THOSE MIX-UPS.
I MEAN, IT'S...
[INDISTINCT ARGUING]
I MEAN, IT'S...
[INDISTINCT ARGUING]
HI, GEORGE.
[INDISTINCT ARGUING]
HI, GEORGE.
HI, LORNE.
HI, GEORGE.
HI, LORNE.
WE BETTER GET STARTED.
HI, LORNE.
WE BETTER GET STARTED.
LORNE, CAN I JUST TALK TO
WE BETTER GET STARTED.
LORNE, CAN I JUST TALK TO
YOU FOR A MINUTE?
LORNE, CAN I JUST TALK TO
YOU FOR A MINUTE?
IN PRIVATE?
YOU FOR A MINUTE?
IN PRIVATE?
SURE.
IN PRIVATE?
SURE.
CAN YOU JUST EXCUSE US FOR A
SURE.
CAN YOU JUST EXCUSE US FOR A
MOMENT?
CAN YOU JUST EXCUSE US FOR A
MOMENT?
WHAT IS IT?
MOMENT?
WHAT IS IT?
LORNE, I HAVE GRAVE DOUBTS
WHAT IS IT?
LORNE, I HAVE GRAVE DOUBTS
ABOUT THE COSTUME.
LORNE, I HAVE GRAVE DOUBTS
ABOUT THE COSTUME.
WHAT, IN THE OPENING?
ABOUT THE COSTUME.
WHAT, IN THE OPENING?
YES, I DO.
WHAT, IN THE OPENING?
YES, I DO.
I THINK THE OPENING'S WORKING
YES, I DO.
I THINK THE OPENING'S WORKING
WONDERFULLY.
I THINK THE OPENING'S WORKING
WONDERFULLY.
WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT?
WONDERFULLY.
WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT?
I-I'M WORRIED ABOUT...
WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT?
I-I'M WORRIED ABOUT...
I-I FEEL THERE'S A REAL GOOD
I-I'M WORRIED ABOUT...
I-I FEEL THERE'S A REAL GOOD
CHANCE THAT I COULD LOOK LIKE A
I-I FEEL THERE'S A REAL GOOD
CHANCE THAT I COULD LOOK LIKE A
FOOL IS WHAT I'M WORRIED ABOUT.
CHANCE THAT I COULD LOOK LIKE A
FOOL IS WHAT I'M WORRIED ABOUT.
NOT A CHANCE. REALLY.
FOOL IS WHAT I'M WORRIED ABOUT.
NOT A CHANCE. REALLY.
YOU JUST HAVE TO HAVE CONFIDENCE
NOT A CHANCE. REALLY.
YOU JUST HAVE TO HAVE CONFIDENCE
WHEN YOU GO OUT THERE.
YOU JUST HAVE TO HAVE CONFIDENCE
WHEN YOU GO OUT THERE.
BELIEVE ME, IT'LL WORK.
WHEN YOU GO OUT THERE.
BELIEVE ME, IT'LL WORK.
I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT.
BELIEVE ME, IT'LL WORK.
I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT.
DO YOU BELIEVE ME?
I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT.
DO YOU BELIEVE ME?
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU, BUT I
DO YOU BELIEVE ME?
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU, BUT I
HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT.
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU, BUT I
HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT.
REALLY, I THINK...
HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT.
REALLY, I THINK...
IT WILL BE GREAT.
REALLY, I THINK...
IT WILL BE GREAT.
YOU BETTER CHANGE.
IT WILL BE GREAT.
YOU BETTER CHANGE.
I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT, LORNE.
YOU BETTER CHANGE.
I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT, LORNE.
FINE.
I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT, LORNE.
FINE.
I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING, I'M
FINE.
I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING, I'M
GONNA GET IT STRAIGHT IN THE
I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING, I'M
GONNA GET IT STRAIGHT IN THE
FUTURE.
GONNA GET IT STRAIGHT IN THE
FUTURE.
I KNOW, BUT IF YOU DON'T GO
FUTURE.
I KNOW, BUT IF YOU DON'T GO
ON TONIGHT...
I KNOW, BUT IF YOU DON'T GO
ON TONIGHT...
IF YOU DON'T GO ON TONIGHT,
ON TONIGHT...
IF YOU DON'T GO ON TONIGHT,
IT'LL BREAK HIS HEART.
IF YOU DON'T GO ON TONIGHT,
IT'LL BREAK HIS HEART.
I MEAN, IT MUST BE...
IT'LL BREAK HIS HEART.
I MEAN, IT MUST BE...
SEE, I THOUGHT THAT YOU WOULD
I MEAN, IT MUST BE...
SEE, I THOUGHT THAT YOU WOULD
UNDERSTAND THAT IF IT WAS $3,000
SEE, I THOUGHT THAT YOU WOULD
UNDERSTAND THAT IF IT WAS $3,000
FOR FOUR PEOPLE, THEN IT WOULD
UNDERSTAND THAT IF IT WAS $3,000
FOR FOUR PEOPLE, THEN IT WOULD
JUST BE $750 FOR EACH OF YOU.
FOR FOUR PEOPLE, THEN IT WOULD
JUST BE $750 FOR EACH OF YOU.
I MEAN, AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,
JUST BE $750 FOR EACH OF YOU.
I MEAN, AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,
I MEAN, YOU COULD HAVE THE FULL
I MEAN, AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,
I MEAN, YOU COULD HAVE THE FULL
$3,000.
I MEAN, YOU COULD HAVE THE FULL
$3,000.
IT'S THE NETWORK.
$3,000.
IT'S THE NETWORK.
$750, THAT'S PRETTY CHINTZY,
IT'S THE NETWORK.
$750, THAT'S PRETTY CHINTZY,
ISN'T IT?
$750, THAT'S PRETTY CHINTZY,
ISN'T IT?
WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
ISN'T IT?
WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
I KNOW THAT THERE'S ANOTHER $250
WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
I KNOW THAT THERE'S ANOTHER $250
AVAILABLE FOR THE OPENING,
I KNOW THAT THERE'S ANOTHER $250
AVAILABLE FOR THE OPENING,
FOR THE PERSON WHO SAYS "LIVE
AVAILABLE FOR THE OPENING,
FOR THE PERSON WHO SAYS "LIVE
FROM NEW YORK, IT'S 'SATURDAY
FOR THE PERSON WHO SAYS "LIVE
FROM NEW YORK, IT'S 'SATURDAY
NIGHT.'"
FROM NEW YORK, IT'S 'SATURDAY
NIGHT.'"
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
NIGHT.'"
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
[BAND PLAYS]
Announcer: NBC's
"SATURDAY NIGHT"...
STARRING PAUL SIMON...
"SATURDAY NIGHT"...
STARRING PAUL SIMON...
WITH HIS SPECIAL GUEST
STARRING PAUL SIMON...
WITH HIS SPECIAL GUEST
GEORGE HARRISON...
Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org
AND THE
NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME
PLAYERS...
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
PAUL SIMON!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[INTRO TO "STILL CRAZY AFTER
ALL THESE YEARS" PLAYS]
♪ I MET MY OLD LOVER ON THE
STREET LAST NIGHT ♪
♪ SHE SEEMED SO GLAD TO SEE ME,
STREET LAST NIGHT ♪
♪ SHE SEEMED SO GLAD TO SEE ME,
I JUST SMILED ♪
♪ SHE SEEMED SO GLAD TO SEE ME,
I JUST SMILED ♪
♪ AND WE TALKED ABOUT SOME OLD
I JUST SMILED ♪
♪ AND WE TALKED ABOUT SOME OLD
TIMES ♪
♪ AND WE TALKED ABOUT SOME OLD
TIMES ♪
♪ AND WE DRANK OURSELVES SOME
TIMES ♪
♪ AND WE DRANK OURSELVES SOME
BEERS ♪
♪ AND WE DRANK OURSELVES SOME
BEERS ♪
♪ STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE
BEERS ♪
♪ STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE
YEARS ♪
♪ STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE
YEARS ♪
♪ OH, STILL CRA... ♪
YEARS ♪
♪ OH, STILL CRA... ♪
CUT!
♪ OH, STILL CRA... ♪
CUT!
OKAY, CUT IT.
CUT!
OKAY, CUT IT.
[MUSIC STOPS]
OKAY, CUT IT.
[MUSIC STOPS]
FORGET IT, RICHARD.
[MUSIC STOPS]
FORGET IT, RICHARD.
[LAUGHTER]
FORGET IT, RICHARD.
[LAUGHTER]
YOU KNOW, I SAID WHEN THE TURKEY
[LAUGHTER]
YOU KNOW, I SAID WHEN THE TURKEY
CONCEPT WAS FIRST BROUGHT UP,
YOU KNOW, I SAID WHEN THE TURKEY
CONCEPT WAS FIRST BROUGHT UP,
I SAID THERE'S A VERY GOOD
CONCEPT WAS FIRST BROUGHT UP,
I SAID THERE'S A VERY GOOD
CHANCE I'M GONNA END UP
I SAID THERE'S A VERY GOOD
CHANCE I'M GONNA END UP
LOOKING STUPID IF I COME OUT
CHANCE I'M GONNA END UP
LOOKING STUPID IF I COME OUT
WEARING IT.
LOOKING STUPID IF I COME OUT
WEARING IT.
I MEAN, EVERYONE SAID, "OH, IT'S
WEARING IT.
I MEAN, EVERYONE SAID, "OH, IT'S
THANKSGIVING, GO AHEAD."
I MEAN, EVERYONE SAID, "OH, IT'S
THANKSGIVING, GO AHEAD."
I FELT THAT IT WAS NOT IN ANY
THANKSGIVING, GO AHEAD."
I FELT THAT IT WAS NOT IN ANY
WAY IN KEEPING WITH MY IMAGE,
I FELT THAT IT WAS NOT IN ANY
WAY IN KEEPING WITH MY IMAGE,
THE LYRICS, "THE BOXER," ANY OF
WAY IN KEEPING WITH MY IMAGE,
THE LYRICS, "THE BOXER," ANY OF
THOSE SONGS.
THE LYRICS, "THE BOXER," ANY OF
THOSE SONGS.
THEY SAID, "HEY, YOU KNOW, YOU
THOSE SONGS.
THEY SAID, "HEY, YOU KNOW, YOU
TAKE YOURSELF SO SERIOUSLY.
THEY SAID, "HEY, YOU KNOW, YOU
TAKE YOURSELF SO SERIOUSLY.
WHY DON'T YOU STOP TAKING
TAKE YOURSELF SO SERIOUSLY.
WHY DON'T YOU STOP TAKING
YOURSELF SO SERIOUSLY FOR A
WHY DON'T YOU STOP TAKING
YOURSELF SO SERIOUSLY FOR A
WHILE, LOOSEN UP A LITTLE BIT,
YOURSELF SO SERIOUSLY FOR A
WHILE, LOOSEN UP A LITTLE BIT,
AND MAYBE PEOPLE WILL LAUGH?
WHILE, LOOSEN UP A LITTLE BIT,
AND MAYBE PEOPLE WILL LAUGH?
YOU WANT TO BE MR. ALIENATION?
AND MAYBE PEOPLE WILL LAUGH?
YOU WANT TO BE MR. ALIENATION?
YOU CAN BE MR. ALIENATION."
YOU WANT TO BE MR. ALIENATION?
YOU CAN BE MR. ALIENATION."
WELL, I DIDN'T WANT TO BE
YOU CAN BE MR. ALIENATION."
WELL, I DIDN'T WANT TO BE
MR. ALIENATION.
WELL, I DIDN'T WANT TO BE
MR. ALIENATION.
I-I WANT TO BE A REGULAR GUY,
MR. ALIENATION.
I-I WANT TO BE A REGULAR GUY,
BUT I FEEL THIS HAS JUST BEEN A
I-I WANT TO BE A REGULAR GUY,
BUT I FEEL THIS HAS JUST BEEN A
DISASTER.
BUT I FEEL THIS HAS JUST BEEN A
DISASTER.
I'M SORRY.
DISASTER.
I'M SORRY.
I'M JUST GONNA GO AND CHANGE.
I'M SORRY.
I'M JUST GONNA GO AND CHANGE.
IT'S JUST A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.
I'M JUST GONNA GO AND CHANGE.
IT'S JUST A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.
[APPLAUSE]
IT'S JUST A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.
[APPLAUSE]
[MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]
[APPLAUSE]
[MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]
WONDERFUL!
[MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]
WONDERFUL!
WONDERFUL?
WONDERFUL!
WONDERFUL?
YOU CALL THAT WONDERFUL?
WONDERFUL?
YOU CALL THAT WONDERFUL?
WHAT, YOU GOT A PROBLEM?
YOU CALL THAT WONDERFUL?
WHAT, YOU GOT A PROBLEM?
IT WAS ONE OF THE MOST
WHAT, YOU GOT A PROBLEM?
IT WAS ONE OF THE MOST
HUMILIATING EXPERIENCES OF MY
IT WAS ONE OF THE MOST
HUMILIATING EXPERIENCES OF MY
LIFE!
HUMILIATING EXPERIENCES OF MY
LIFE!
WHAT, THE BAND CAME IN LATE?
LIFE!
WHAT, THE BAND CAME IN LATE?
THE BAND IS FINE!
WHAT, THE BAND CAME IN LATE?
THE BAND IS FINE!
IT'S NOT THE BAND!
THE BAND IS FINE!
IT'S NOT THE BAND!
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE
IT'S NOT THE BAND!
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE
PROBLEM IS.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE
PROBLEM IS.
THE PROBLEM IS I'M SINGING
PROBLEM IS.
THE PROBLEM IS I'M SINGING
"STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE
THE PROBLEM IS I'M SINGING
"STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE
YEARS" IN A TURKEY OUTFIT!
"STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE
YEARS" IN A TURKEY OUTFIT!
WOULD YOU LIKE TO SING IN A
YEARS" IN A TURKEY OUTFIT!
WOULD YOU LIKE TO SING IN A
TURKEY OUTFIT?
WOULD YOU LIKE TO SING IN A
TURKEY OUTFIT?
I THOUGHT IT WORKED GREAT.
TURKEY OUTFIT?
I THOUGHT IT WORKED GREAT.
YEAH?
I THOUGHT IT WORKED GREAT.
YEAH?
WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE,
YEAH?
WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE,
JAN-MICHAEL VINCENT HERE?
WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE,
JAN-MICHAEL VINCENT HERE?
YOU THINK I'M LOOKING GOOD?
JAN-MICHAEL VINCENT HERE?
YOU THINK I'M LOOKING GOOD?
YOU LOOK GREAT! HONESTLY.
YOU THINK I'M LOOKING GOOD?
YOU LOOK GREAT! HONESTLY.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO CHANGE?
YOU LOOK GREAT! HONESTLY.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO CHANGE?
YEAH, LET'S JUST DO THAT.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO CHANGE?
YEAH, LET'S JUST DO THAT.
LET'S SAY IT WAS A DIFFERENCE OF
YEAH, LET'S JUST DO THAT.
LET'S SAY IT WAS A DIFFERENCE OF
OPINION.
LET'S SAY IT WAS A DIFFERENCE OF
OPINION.
MAYBE IT WAS A DIFFERENCE OF
OPINION.
MAYBE IT WAS A DIFFERENCE OF
OPINION, BUT I THINK IT WORKED
MAYBE IT WAS A DIFFERENCE OF
OPINION, BUT I THINK IT WORKED
GREAT.
OPINION, BUT I THINK IT WORKED
GREAT.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS
GREAT.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS
FOLLOWING MESSAGE.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS
FOLLOWING MESSAGE.
I CAN'T FIT THROUGH THE DOOR!
FOLLOWING MESSAGE.
I CAN'T FIT THROUGH THE DOOR!
ALL RIGHT, I'LL HELP YOU.
[MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]
♪ THIS WORLD'S A-CHANGIN'
FASTER ♪
♪ THIS WORLD'S A-CHANGIN'
FASTER ♪
♪ THAN A TEARDROP TURNS TO
FASTER ♪
♪ THAN A TEARDROP TURNS TO
LAUGHTER ♪
♪ THAN A TEARDROP TURNS TO
LAUGHTER ♪
♪ BUT SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE ♪
LAUGHTER ♪
♪ BUT SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE ♪
♪ AND THEY'RE THE THINGS THAT
♪ BUT SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE ♪
♪ AND THEY'RE THE THINGS THAT
REALLY MATTER ♪
♪ AND THEY'RE THE THINGS THAT
REALLY MATTER ♪
♪ LIKE WEATHER VANES AND COUNTRY
REALLY MATTER ♪
♪ LIKE WEATHER VANES AND COUNTRY
LANES ♪
♪ LIKE WEATHER VANES AND COUNTRY
LANES ♪
♪ WHERE CRICKETS CHIRP
LANES ♪
♪ WHERE CRICKETS CHIRP
AT NIGHT ♪
♪ WHERE CRICKETS CHIRP
AT NIGHT ♪
♪ AND BREAKFAST IN THE EARLY
AT NIGHT ♪
♪ AND BREAKFAST IN THE EARLY
MORNING ♪
♪ AND BREAKFAST IN THE EARLY
MORNING ♪
♪ TO START YOUR DAY OFF RIGHT ♪
MORNING ♪
♪ TO START YOUR DAY OFF RIGHT ♪
OUT HERE ON A FARM,
♪ TO START YOUR DAY OFF RIGHT ♪
OUT HERE ON A FARM,
BREAKFAST IS OUR MOST IMPORTANT
OUT HERE ON A FARM,
BREAKFAST IS OUR MOST IMPORTANT
MEAL.
BREAKFAST IS OUR MOST IMPORTANT
MEAL.
THAT'S WHY WE START EACH DAY
MEAL.
THAT'S WHY WE START EACH DAY
THE NATURAL WAY...
THAT'S WHY WE START EACH DAY
THE NATURAL WAY...
WITH A BIG BRIMMING BOWL OF
THE NATURAL WAY...
WITH A BIG BRIMMING BOWL OF
QUARRY.
WITH A BIG BRIMMING BOWL OF
QUARRY.
QUARRY CONTAINS NO
QUARRY.
QUARRY CONTAINS NO
PRESERVATIVES, NO ADDITIVES, NO
QUARRY CONTAINS NO
PRESERVATIVES, NO ADDITIVES, NO
ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING.
PRESERVATIVES, NO ADDITIVES, NO
ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING.
AND IT'S MADE WITHOUT THE USE OF
ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING.
AND IT'S MADE WITHOUT THE USE OF
PESTICIDES OR INORGANIC
AND IT'S MADE WITHOUT THE USE OF
PESTICIDES OR INORGANIC
FERTILIZER.
PESTICIDES OR INORGANIC
FERTILIZER.
BECAUSE QUARRY ISN'T GROWN...
FERTILIZER.
BECAUSE QUARRY ISN'T GROWN...
IT'S MINED.
BECAUSE QUARRY ISN'T GROWN...
IT'S MINED.
HERE'S A READY-TO-EAT CEREAL
IT'S MINED.
HERE'S A READY-TO-EAT CEREAL
THAT'S PURE 100% ROCKS AND
HERE'S A READY-TO-EAT CEREAL
THAT'S PURE 100% ROCKS AND
PEBBLES, WITH A HEARTY,
THAT'S PURE 100% ROCKS AND
PEBBLES, WITH A HEARTY,
OLD-FASHIONED FLAVOR THE
PEBBLES, WITH A HEARTY,
OLD-FASHIONED FLAVOR THE
WHOLE FAMILY WILL ENJOY.
[CRUNCHING]
MMM. GREAT, MOM.
IT'S REALLY GOOD.
MMM. GREAT, MOM.
IT'S REALLY GOOD.
IT'S DELICIOUS!
IT'S REALLY GOOD.
IT'S DELICIOUS!
AND IT'S GOOD FOR THEM
IT'S DELICIOUS!
AND IT'S GOOD FOR THEM
BECAUSE EVERY SERVING IS
AND IT'S GOOD FOR THEM
BECAUSE EVERY SERVING IS
CHOCK-FULL OF MINERALS.
BECAUSE EVERY SERVING IS
CHOCK-FULL OF MINERALS.
I LIKE QUARRY 'CAUSE IT'S
CHOCK-FULL OF MINERALS.
I LIKE QUARRY 'CAUSE IT'S
CRUNCHY.
I LIKE QUARRY 'CAUSE IT'S
CRUNCHY.
[CRUNCHING CONTINUES]
CRUNCHY.
[CRUNCHING CONTINUES]
WHAT?
[CRUNCHING CONTINUES]
WHAT?
I SAID, "I LIKE QUARRY 'CAUSE
WHAT?
I SAID, "I LIKE QUARRY 'CAUSE
IT'S CRUNCHY"!
I SAID, "I LIKE QUARRY 'CAUSE
IT'S CRUNCHY"!
SO, IF BREAKFAST IS IMPORTANT
IT'S CRUNCHY"!
SO, IF BREAKFAST IS IMPORTANT
TO YOU, START YOUR DAY THE
SO, IF BREAKFAST IS IMPORTANT
TO YOU, START YOUR DAY THE
NATURAL WAY...
TO YOU, START YOUR DAY THE
NATURAL WAY...
WITH QUARRY.
NATURAL WAY...
WITH QUARRY.
♪ LIKE SWIMMIN' HOLES AND
WITH QUARRY.
♪ LIKE SWIMMIN' HOLES AND
BRIMMIN' BOWLS OF CEREAL MADE
♪ LIKE SWIMMIN' HOLES AND
BRIMMIN' BOWLS OF CEREAL MADE
FROM STONE ♪
[INTRO TO "50 WAYS TO LEAVE
YOUR LOVER" PLAYS]
♪ "THE PROBLEM IS ALL INSIDE
[YOUR LOVER" PLAYS]
♪ "THE PROBLEM IS ALL INSIDE
YOUR HEAD," SHE SAID TO ME ♪
♪ "THE PROBLEM IS ALL INSIDE
YOUR HEAD," SHE SAID TO ME ♪
♪ "THE ANSWER IS EASY IF YOU
YOUR HEAD," SHE SAID TO ME ♪
♪ "THE ANSWER IS EASY IF YOU
TAKE IT LOGICALLY ♪
♪ "THE ANSWER IS EASY IF YOU
TAKE IT LOGICALLY ♪
♪ I'D LIKE TO HELP YOU IN YOUR
TAKE IT LOGICALLY ♪
♪ I'D LIKE TO HELP YOU IN YOUR
STRUGGLE TO BE FREE ♪
♪ I'D LIKE TO HELP YOU IN YOUR
STRUGGLE TO BE FREE ♪
♪ THERE MUST BE 50 WAYS TO LEAVE
STRUGGLE TO BE FREE ♪
♪ THERE MUST BE 50 WAYS TO LEAVE
YOUR LOVER" ♪
♪ THERE MUST BE 50 WAYS TO LEAVE
YOUR LOVER" ♪
♪ SHE SAID, "IT'S REALLY NOT MY
YOUR LOVER" ♪
♪ SHE SAID, "IT'S REALLY NOT MY
HABIT TO INTRUDE ♪
♪ SHE SAID, "IT'S REALLY NOT MY
HABIT TO INTRUDE ♪
♪ FURTHERMORE, I HOPE MY MEANING
HABIT TO INTRUDE ♪
♪ FURTHERMORE, I HOPE MY MEANING
WON'T BE LOST OR MISCONSTRUED ♪
♪ FURTHERMORE, I HOPE MY MEANING
WON'T BE LOST OR MISCONSTRUED ♪
♪ SO I'LL REPEAT MYSELF
WON'T BE LOST OR MISCONSTRUED ♪
♪ SO I'LL REPEAT MYSELF
AT THE RISK OF BEING CRUDE ♪
♪ SO I'LL REPEAT MYSELF
AT THE RISK OF BEING CRUDE ♪
♪ THERE MUST BE 50 WAYS TO LEAVE
AT THE RISK OF BEING CRUDE ♪
♪ THERE MUST BE 50 WAYS TO LEAVE
YOUR LOVER ♪
♪ THERE MUST BE 50 WAYS TO LEAVE
YOUR LOVER ♪
♪ 50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER" ♪
YOUR LOVER ♪
♪ 50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER" ♪
♪ JUST SLIP OUT THE BACK, JACK ♪
♪ 50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER" ♪
♪ JUST SLIP OUT THE BACK, JACK ♪
♪ MAKE A NEW PLAN, STAN ♪
♪ JUST SLIP OUT THE BACK, JACK ♪
♪ MAKE A NEW PLAN, STAN ♪
♪ DON'T NEED TO BE COY, ROY ♪
♪ MAKE A NEW PLAN, STAN ♪
♪ DON'T NEED TO BE COY, ROY ♪
♪ JUST LISTEN TO ME ♪
♪ DON'T NEED TO BE COY, ROY ♪
♪ JUST LISTEN TO ME ♪
♪ HOP ON THE BUS, GUS ♪
♪ JUST LISTEN TO ME ♪
♪ HOP ON THE BUS, GUS ♪
♪ NO NEED TO DISCUSS MUCH ♪
♪ HOP ON THE BUS, GUS ♪
♪ NO NEED TO DISCUSS MUCH ♪
♪ JUST DROP OFF THE KEY, LEE ♪
♪ NO NEED TO DISCUSS MUCH ♪
♪ JUST DROP OFF THE KEY, LEE ♪
♪ AND GET YOURSELF FREE ♪
♪ JUST DROP OFF THE KEY, LEE ♪
♪ AND GET YOURSELF FREE ♪
[GUITAR SOLO]
♪ SHE SAID, "IT GRIEVES ME SO
TO SEE YOU IN SUCH PAIN ♪
♪ I WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING I
TO SEE YOU IN SUCH PAIN ♪
♪ I WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING I
COULD DO TO MAKE YOU SMILE
♪ I WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING I
COULD DO TO MAKE YOU SMILE
AGAIN ♪
COULD DO TO MAKE YOU SMILE
AGAIN ♪
♪ I SAID, "HEY, I APPRECIATE
AGAIN ♪
♪ I SAID, "HEY, I APPRECIATE
THAT ♪
♪ I SAID, "HEY, I APPRECIATE
THAT ♪
♪ AND WOULD YOU PLEASE EXPLAIN
THAT ♪
♪ AND WOULD YOU PLEASE EXPLAIN
ABOUT THE 50 WAYS?" ♪
♪ AND WOULD YOU PLEASE EXPLAIN
ABOUT THE 50 WAYS?" ♪
♪ SHE SAID, "WHY DON'T WE BOTH
ABOUT THE 50 WAYS?" ♪
♪ SHE SAID, "WHY DON'T WE BOTH
JUST SLEEP ON IT TONIGHT? ♪
♪ SHE SAID, "WHY DON'T WE BOTH
JUST SLEEP ON IT TONIGHT? ♪
♪ AND I BELIEVE IN THE MORNING
JUST SLEEP ON IT TONIGHT? ♪
♪ AND I BELIEVE IN THE MORNING
YOU'LL BEGIN TO SEE THE LIGHT" ♪
♪ AND I BELIEVE IN THE MORNING
YOU'LL BEGIN TO SEE THE LIGHT" ♪
♪ AND THEN SHE KISSED ME AND I
YOU'LL BEGIN TO SEE THE LIGHT" ♪
♪ AND THEN SHE KISSED ME AND I
REALIZED SHE PROBABLY WAS
♪ AND THEN SHE KISSED ME AND I
REALIZED SHE PROBABLY WAS
RIGHT ♪
REALIZED SHE PROBABLY WAS
RIGHT ♪
♪ THERE MUST BE 50 WAYS TO LEAVE
RIGHT ♪
♪ THERE MUST BE 50 WAYS TO LEAVE
YOUR LOVER ♪
♪ THERE MUST BE 50 WAYS TO LEAVE
YOUR LOVER ♪
♪ 50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER ♪
YOUR LOVER ♪
♪ 50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER ♪
♪ JUST SLIP OUT THE BACK, JACK ♪
♪ 50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER ♪
♪ JUST SLIP OUT THE BACK, JACK ♪
♪ YOU MAKE A NEW PLAN, STAN ♪
♪ JUST SLIP OUT THE BACK, JACK ♪
♪ YOU MAKE A NEW PLAN, STAN ♪
♪ DON'T NEED TO BE COY, ROY ♪
♪ YOU MAKE A NEW PLAN, STAN ♪
♪ DON'T NEED TO BE COY, ROY ♪
♪ JUST LISTEN TO ME ♪
♪ DON'T NEED TO BE COY, ROY ♪
♪ JUST LISTEN TO ME ♪
♪ HOP ON THE BUS, GUS ♪
♪ JUST LISTEN TO ME ♪
♪ HOP ON THE BUS, GUS ♪
♪ DON'T NEED TO DISCUSS MUCH ♪
♪ HOP ON THE BUS, GUS ♪
♪ DON'T NEED TO DISCUSS MUCH ♪
♪ JUST DROP OFF THE KEY, LEE ♪
♪ DON'T NEED TO DISCUSS MUCH ♪
♪ JUST DROP OFF THE KEY, LEE ♪
♪ AND GET YOURSELF FREE ♪
♪ JUST DROP OFF THE KEY, LEE ♪
♪ AND GET YOURSELF FREE ♪
♪ OOH, SLIP OUT THE BACK, JACK ♪
♪ AND GET YOURSELF FREE ♪
♪ OOH, SLIP OUT THE BACK, JACK ♪
♪ MAKE A NEW PLAN, STAN ♪
♪ OOH, SLIP OUT THE BACK, JACK ♪
♪ MAKE A NEW PLAN, STAN ♪
♪ DON'T NEED TO BE COY, ROY ♪
♪ MAKE A NEW PLAN, STAN ♪
♪ DON'T NEED TO BE COY, ROY ♪
♪ JUST LISTEN TO ME ♪
♪ DON'T NEED TO BE COY, ROY ♪
♪ JUST LISTEN TO ME ♪
♪ HOP ON THE BUS, GUS ♪
♪ JUST LISTEN TO ME ♪
♪ HOP ON THE BUS, GUS ♪
♪ YOU DON'T NEED TO DISCUSS
♪ HOP ON THE BUS, GUS ♪
♪ YOU DON'T NEED TO DISCUSS
MUCH ♪
♪ YOU DON'T NEED TO DISCUSS
MUCH ♪
♪ JUST DROP OFF THE KEY, LEE ♪
MUCH ♪
♪ JUST DROP OFF THE KEY, LEE ♪
♪ AND GET YOURSELF FREE ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
HELLO! I'M BABA WAWA!
AND WELCOME TO
"BABA WAWA AT WARGE."
AND WELCOME TO
"BABA WAWA AT WARGE."
WE ARE INDEED WUCKY TO HAVE AS
"BABA WAWA AT WARGE."
WE ARE INDEED WUCKY TO HAVE AS
OUR GUEST TONIGHT THE GWEATWY
WE ARE INDEED WUCKY TO HAVE AS
OUR GUEST TONIGHT THE GWEATWY
WESPECTED AND WORLD-WENOWNED
OUR GUEST TONIGHT THE GWEATWY
WESPECTED AND WORLD-WENOWNED
CWEATOR OF SHUTTLE DIPWOMACY,
WESPECTED AND WORLD-WENOWNED
CWEATOR OF SHUTTLE DIPWOMACY,
SOMETIMES CONTROVEWSIAL, BUT
CWEATOR OF SHUTTLE DIPWOMACY,
SOMETIMES CONTROVEWSIAL, BUT
TO MY MIND, A WEALLY WEGULAR
SOMETIMES CONTROVEWSIAL, BUT
TO MY MIND, A WEALLY WEGULAR
GUY... SECWETARY OF STATE
TO MY MIND, A WEALLY WEGULAR
GUY... SECWETARY OF STATE
DR. HENWY KISSINGER.
GUY... SECWETARY OF STATE
DR. HENWY KISSINGER.
DR. KISSINGER, YOU ONCE SAID
DR. HENWY KISSINGER.
DR. KISSINGER, YOU ONCE SAID
THAT POWER IS THE GWEATEST
DR. KISSINGER, YOU ONCE SAID
THAT POWER IS THE GWEATEST
APHWODISIAC.
THAT POWER IS THE GWEATEST
APHWODISIAC.
WHAT EXACTLY TO YOU MEAN BY
APHWODISIAC.
WHAT EXACTLY TO YOU MEAN BY
THIS?
WHAT EXACTLY TO YOU MEAN BY
THIS?
[German accent] WELL, HAVE
THIS?
[German accent] WELL, HAVE
YOU EVER STUDIED A NUCLEAR
[German accent] WELL, HAVE
YOU EVER STUDIED A NUCLEAR
WARHEAD?
YOU EVER STUDIED A NUCLEAR
WARHEAD?
ONCE, WHEN I WAS WORKING ON A
WARHEAD?
ONCE, WHEN I WAS WORKING ON A
WHITE PAPER WEPORT ON NUCWEAR
ONCE, WHEN I WAS WORKING ON A
WHITE PAPER WEPORT ON NUCWEAR
PROWIFEWATION.
WHITE PAPER WEPORT ON NUCWEAR
PROWIFEWATION.
DR. KISSINGER, IN A PWEVIOUS
PROWIFEWATION.
DR. KISSINGER, IN A PWEVIOUS
INTERVIEW WITH THE ITALIAN
DR. KISSINGER, IN A PWEVIOUS
INTERVIEW WITH THE ITALIAN
BABA WAWA, AWIANA FAWACCI, OR
INTERVIEW WITH THE ITALIAN
BABA WAWA, AWIANA FAWACCI, OR
WHATEVER HER NAME IS, YOU
BABA WAWA, AWIANA FAWACCI, OR
WHATEVER HER NAME IS, YOU
WEFERRED TO YOURSELF AS A
WHATEVER HER NAME IS, YOU
WEFERRED TO YOURSELF AS A
GUNSWINGER, SORT OF A WONE
WEFERRED TO YOURSELF AS A
GUNSWINGER, SORT OF A WONE
WANGER OF FOWEIGN POWICY.
GUNSWINGER, SORT OF A WONE
WANGER OF FOWEIGN POWICY.
UH...
WANGER OF FOWEIGN POWICY.
UH...
OH...
UH...
OH...
NO.
OH...
NO.
LONE RANGER?
NO.
LONE RANGER?
I NEVER SAID THAT.
LONE RANGER?
I NEVER SAID THAT.
LONE RANGER? COME ON.
I NEVER SAID THAT.
LONE RANGER? COME ON.
BUT, DR. KISSINGER, YOU DID
LONE RANGER? COME ON.
BUT, DR. KISSINGER, YOU DID
WEFER TO PRESIDENT NIXON AS
BUT, DR. KISSINGER, YOU DID
WEFER TO PRESIDENT NIXON AS
THE MEATBALL PWESIDENT.
WEFER TO PRESIDENT NIXON AS
THE MEATBALL PWESIDENT.
NOW, WHAT DO YOU CALL
THE MEATBALL PWESIDENT.
NOW, WHAT DO YOU CALL
PWESIDENT FORD?
NOW, WHAT DO YOU CALL
PWESIDENT FORD?
TONTO.
PWESIDENT FORD?
TONTO.
JUST KIDDING. TONTO.
TONTO.
JUST KIDDING. TONTO.
DOCTOR, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY
JUST KIDDING. TONTO.
DOCTOR, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY
WAS THE HIGH POINT OF YOUR
DOCTOR, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY
WAS THE HIGH POINT OF YOUR
TENURE AS SECWETARY OF STATE?
WAS THE HIGH POINT OF YOUR
TENURE AS SECWETARY OF STATE?
WELL, I WOULD SAY IN 1973
TENURE AS SECWETARY OF STATE?
WELL, I WOULD SAY IN 1973
WHEN I WON THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
WELL, I WOULD SAY IN 1973
WHEN I WON THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
FOR ENDING THE VIETNAM WAR.
WHEN I WON THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
FOR ENDING THE VIETNAM WAR.
AND THE LOW POINT?
FOR ENDING THE VIETNAM WAR.
AND THE LOW POINT?
I'D SAY 1975 WHEN THE
AND THE LOW POINT?
I'D SAY 1975 WHEN THE
VIETNAM WAR ENDED.
I'D SAY 1975 WHEN THE
VIETNAM WAR ENDED.
DR. KISSINGER, IN CONCWUSION,
VIETNAM WAR ENDED.
DR. KISSINGER, IN CONCWUSION,
THERE IS ONE THING THAT WEAWY,
DR. KISSINGER, IN CONCWUSION,
THERE IS ONE THING THAT WEAWY,
WEAWY IWITATES ME ABOUT YOU...
THERE IS ONE THING THAT WEAWY,
WEAWY IWITATES ME ABOUT YOU...
AFTER 40 YEARS OF BEING IN THIS
WEAWY IWITATES ME ABOUT YOU...
AFTER 40 YEARS OF BEING IN THIS
COUNTWY, WHY DO YOU STILL TALK
AFTER 40 YEARS OF BEING IN THIS
COUNTWY, WHY DO YOU STILL TALK
WITH THAT SIWWY, SIWWY ACCENT?
COUNTWY, WHY DO YOU STILL TALK
WITH THAT SIWWY, SIWWY ACCENT?
WELL, IF YOU TALK WITH A
WITH THAT SIWWY, SIWWY ACCENT?
WELL, IF YOU TALK WITH A
GERMAN ACCENT, IT HELPS PEOPLE
WELL, IF YOU TALK WITH A
GERMAN ACCENT, IT HELPS PEOPLE
FORGET THAT YOU ARE JEWISH, YOU
GERMAN ACCENT, IT HELPS PEOPLE
FORGET THAT YOU ARE JEWISH, YOU
SEE?
FORGET THAT YOU ARE JEWISH, YOU
SEE?
CAN YOU SAY THIS...
SEE?
CAN YOU SAY THIS...
"I AM A WEAWY, WEAWY FAT,
CAN YOU SAY THIS...
"I AM A WEAWY, WEAWY FAT,
WOWY-POWY DIPLOMAT"?
"I AM A WEAWY, WEAWY FAT,
WOWY-POWY DIPLOMAT"?
"I'M A WEAWY, WEAWY FAT,
WOWY-POWY DIPLOMAT"?
"I'M A WEAWY, WEAWY FAT,
WOWY-POWY DIPLOMAT," YOU
"I'M A WEAWY, WEAWY FAT,
WOWY-POWY DIPLOMAT," YOU
SIWWY WABBIT.
WOWY-POWY DIPLOMAT," YOU
SIWWY WABBIT.
OKAY?
SIWWY WABBIT.
OKAY?
WE'VE JUST ABOUT WUN OUT OF
OKAY?
WE'VE JUST ABOUT WUN OUT OF
TIME.
WE'VE JUST ABOUT WUN OUT OF
TIME.
DOCTOR, AS EVERYONE KNOWS, I,
TIME.
DOCTOR, AS EVERYONE KNOWS, I,
BABA WAWA, WAS THE FIRST TO
DOCTOR, AS EVERYONE KNOWS, I,
BABA WAWA, WAS THE FIRST TO
EXCLUSIVEWY INTERVIEW YOU AS
BABA WAWA, WAS THE FIRST TO
EXCLUSIVEWY INTERVIEW YOU AS
SECRETAWY OF STATE.
EXCLUSIVEWY INTERVIEW YOU AS
SECRETAWY OF STATE.
NOW, WITH
SECRETAWY OF STATE.
NOW, WITH
PWESIDENT-EWECT CARTER,
NOW, WITH
PWESIDENT-EWECT CARTER,
WHO PWOMISED TO WEPWACE YOU,
PWESIDENT-EWECT CARTER,
WHO PWOMISED TO WEPWACE YOU,
I MAY BE THE WAST.
WHO PWOMISED TO WEPWACE YOU,
I MAY BE THE WAST.
HAVE YOU ANY FINAL WORDS FOR
I MAY BE THE WAST.
HAVE YOU ANY FINAL WORDS FOR
THE AMEWICAN PUBWIC?
HAVE YOU ANY FINAL WORDS FOR
THE AMEWICAN PUBWIC?
NO.
THE AMEWICAN PUBWIC?
NO.
THANK YOU VEWY MUCH.
NO.
THANK YOU VEWY MUCH.
THIS IS BABA WAWA SAYING HAVE A
THANK YOU VEWY MUCH.
THIS IS BABA WAWA SAYING HAVE A
PWEASANT WEEKEND.
THIS IS BABA WAWA SAYING HAVE A
PWEASANT WEEKEND.
[MUMBLES]
["TWILIGHT ZONE" THEME PLAYS]
YOU'RE TRAVELING TO ANOTHER
DIMENSION, A DIMENSION OF TIME
AND OF SPACE, A DIMENSION OF
DIMENSION, A DIMENSION OF TIME
AND OF SPACE, A DIMENSION OF
SIGHT AND OF MIND.
AND OF SPACE, A DIMENSION OF
SIGHT AND OF MIND.
YOU'RE MOVING INTO A LAND OF
SIGHT AND OF MIND.
YOU'RE MOVING INTO A LAND OF
BOTH SHADOW AND SUBSTANCE.
YOU'RE MOVING INTO A LAND OF
BOTH SHADOW AND SUBSTANCE.
YOU'VE JUST CROSSED OVER INTO
BOTH SHADOW AND SUBSTANCE.
YOU'VE JUST CROSSED OVER INTO
THE "TWILITE ZONE."
YOU'VE JUST CROSSED OVER INTO
THE "TWILITE ZONE."
MEET BETTY MARTIN.
THE "TWILITE ZONE."
MEET BETTY MARTIN.
AGE 27.
MEET BETTY MARTIN.
AGE 27.
A STRUGGLING ACTRESS WORKING AS
AGE 27.
A STRUGGLING ACTRESS WORKING AS
A MODEL.
A STRUGGLING ACTRESS WORKING AS
A MODEL.
TOLD TO MEET A CERTAIN PRODUCER
A MODEL.
TOLD TO MEET A CERTAIN PRODUCER
BY HER AGENT PEGGY, WHO'S JUST
TOLD TO MEET A CERTAIN PRODUCER
BY HER AGENT PEGGY, WHO'S JUST
CHECKED INTO ROOM 16 OF THE
BY HER AGENT PEGGY, WHO'S JUST
CHECKED INTO ROOM 16 OF THE
BLAINE MOTEL, A MOTEL WHERE
CHECKED INTO ROOM 16 OF THE
BLAINE MOTEL, A MOTEL WHERE
THERE ARE NO CHECK-OUT TIMES, NO
BLAINE MOTEL, A MOTEL WHERE
THERE ARE NO CHECK-OUT TIMES, NO
ROOM SERVICE, AND, FOR SOME
THERE ARE NO CHECK-OUT TIMES, NO
ROOM SERVICE, AND, FOR SOME
REASON, NO SINKS.
ROOM SERVICE, AND, FOR SOME
REASON, NO SINKS.
SHE'S JUST GOTTEN A ROOM
REASON, NO SINKS.
SHE'S JUST GOTTEN A ROOM
RESERVED FOR GUESTS OF THE
SHE'S JUST GOTTEN A ROOM
RESERVED FOR GUESTS OF THE
"TWILITE ZONE."
RESERVED FOR GUESTS OF THE
"TWILITE ZONE."
[KEYS JINGLE]
"TWILITE ZONE."
[KEYS JINGLE]
[SCREAMS]
[KEYS JINGLE]
[SCREAMS]
[GASPS]
[SCREAMS]
[GASPS]
I'M TERRIBLY SORRY!
[GASPS]
I'M TERRIBLY SORRY!
MY GOODNESS.
I'M TERRIBLY SORRY!
MY GOODNESS.
YOU FRIGHTENED ME.
MY GOODNESS.
YOU FRIGHTENED ME.
WELL, I'M SUPPOSED TO MEET
YOU FRIGHTENED ME.
WELL, I'M SUPPOSED TO MEET
SOMEONE HERE.
WELL, I'M SUPPOSED TO MEET
SOMEONE HERE.
THIS IS ROOM 16, ISN'T IT?
SOMEONE HERE.
THIS IS ROOM 16, ISN'T IT?
YES.
THIS IS ROOM 16, ISN'T IT?
YES.
MEET MEET SYLVIA TOWNSEND.
YES.
MEET MEET SYLVIA TOWNSEND.
AGE 26.
MEET MEET SYLVIA TOWNSEND.
AGE 26.
A STRUGGLING ACTRESS WORKING
AGE 26.
A STRUGGLING ACTRESS WORKING
NIGHTS AS A COCKTAIL WAITRESS AT
A STRUGGLING ACTRESS WORKING
NIGHTS AS A COCKTAIL WAITRESS AT
THE EL PADRINO BAR, A SEEDY
NIGHTS AS A COCKTAIL WAITRESS AT
THE EL PADRINO BAR, A SEEDY
ESTABLISHMENT PATRONIZED
THE EL PADRINO BAR, A SEEDY
ESTABLISHMENT PATRONIZED
BY DOWN-AND-OUT THEATRICAL
ESTABLISHMENT PATRONIZED
BY DOWN-AND-OUT THEATRICAL
AGENTS.
BY DOWN-AND-OUT THEATRICAL
AGENTS.
SYLVIA, TOO, HAS JUST CHECKED
AGENTS.
SYLVIA, TOO, HAS JUST CHECKED
INTO THE "TWILITE ZONE."
SYLVIA, TOO, HAS JUST CHECKED
INTO THE "TWILITE ZONE."
[SIGHS]
INTO THE "TWILITE ZONE."
[SIGHS]
YOU FRIGHTENED ME AT FIRST.
[SIGHS]
YOU FRIGHTENED ME AT FIRST.
THEY MUST HAVE MADE A MISTAKE AT
YOU FRIGHTENED ME AT FIRST.
THEY MUST HAVE MADE A MISTAKE AT
THE DESK.
THEY MUST HAVE MADE A MISTAKE AT
THE DESK.
HERE, YOU SIT, AND I'LL GO CALL.
THE DESK.
HERE, YOU SIT, AND I'LL GO CALL.
THIS REALLY IS UNUSUAL.
HERE, YOU SIT, AND I'LL GO CALL.
THIS REALLY IS UNUSUAL.
A CUSTOMER OF MINE SAID HE WAS A
THIS REALLY IS UNUSUAL.
A CUSTOMER OF MINE SAID HE WAS A
PRODUCER, AND HE HAD ME MEET HIM
A CUSTOMER OF MINE SAID HE WAS A
PRODUCER, AND HE HAD ME MEET HIM
UP HERE IN THIS ROOM FOR AN
PRODUCER, AND HE HAD ME MEET HIM
UP HERE IN THIS ROOM FOR AN
AUDITION.
UP HERE IN THIS ROOM FOR AN
AUDITION.
THE LINE IS DEAD.
AUDITION.
THE LINE IS DEAD.
[KEYS JINGLING]
THE LINE IS DEAD.
[KEYS JINGLING]
[DOOR RATTLING]
[KEYS JINGLING]
[DOOR RATTLING]
OH! IS THIS ROOM 16?
[DOOR RATTLING]
OH! IS THIS ROOM 16?
Both: YES!
OH! IS THIS ROOM 16?
Both: YES!
NO WONDER IT WAS ONLY $7 A
Both: YES!
NO WONDER IT WAS ONLY $7 A
NIGHT.
NO WONDER IT WAS ONLY $7 A
NIGHT.
YOU HAVE TO SHARE.
NIGHT.
YOU HAVE TO SHARE.
MEET RHONDA FRIEDMAN.
YOU HAVE TO SHARE.
MEET RHONDA FRIEDMAN.
AGE 26.
MEET RHONDA FRIEDMAN.
AGE 26.
A STRUGGLING ACTRESS CURRENTLY
AGE 26.
A STRUGGLING ACTRESS CURRENTLY
WORKING IN A FACTORY TESTING
A STRUGGLING ACTRESS CURRENTLY
WORKING IN A FACTORY TESTING
RUBBER GLOVES FOR IMPERFECTIONS.
WORKING IN A FACTORY TESTING
RUBBER GLOVES FOR IMPERFECTIONS.
WHAT RHONDA DOESN'T KNOW IS
RUBBER GLOVES FOR IMPERFECTIONS.
WHAT RHONDA DOESN'T KNOW IS
THAT SHE, TOO, HAS JUST ENTERED
WHAT RHONDA DOESN'T KNOW IS
THAT SHE, TOO, HAS JUST ENTERED
THE "TWILITE ZONE."
THAT SHE, TOO, HAS JUST ENTERED
THE "TWILITE ZONE."
I GUESS THERE MUST BE
THE "TWILITE ZONE."
I GUESS THERE MUST BE
SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE MANAGER
I GUESS THERE MUST BE
SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE MANAGER
OF THIS PLACE, SENDING ALL THREE
SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE MANAGER
OF THIS PLACE, SENDING ALL THREE
OF US YOUNG ACTRESSES TO THE
OF THIS PLACE, SENDING ALL THREE
OF US YOUNG ACTRESSES TO THE
SAME ROOM.
OF US YOUNG ACTRESSES TO THE
SAME ROOM.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
SAME ROOM.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
WHAT IS IT?!
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
WHAT IS IT?!
ROO-O-O-M SERVICE!
WHAT IS IT?!
ROO-O-O-M SERVICE!
ROOM SERVICE?
ROO-O-O-M SERVICE!
ROOM SERVICE?
UH-HUH.
ROOM SERVICE?
UH-HUH.
CHAMPAGNE.
UH-HUH.
CHAMPAGNE.
CHAMPAGNE?
CHAMPAGNE.
CHAMPAGNE?
YES.
CHAMPAGNE?
YES.
IT'S FROM A... MR. SERLING.
YES.
IT'S FROM A... MR. SERLING.
THAT'S FUNNY.
IT'S FROM A... MR. SERLING.
THAT'S FUNNY.
I DIDN'T KNOW THIS MOTEL HAD
THAT'S FUNNY.
I DIDN'T KNOW THIS MOTEL HAD
ROOM SERVICE.
I DIDN'T KNOW THIS MOTEL HAD
ROOM SERVICE.
WAIT! THERE'S MORE.
ROOM SERVICE.
WAIT! THERE'S MORE.
"COMPLIMENTS OF... THE
WAIT! THERE'S MORE.
"COMPLIMENTS OF... THE
'TWILITE ZONE.'"
"COMPLIMENTS OF... THE
'TWILITE ZONE.'"
[DOOR LOCKS]
'TWILITE ZONE.'"
[DOOR LOCKS]
[SQUEALS]
[DOOR LOCKS]
[SQUEALS]
THERE'S SOMEONE LOCKING THE
[SQUEALS]
THERE'S SOMEONE LOCKING THE
DOOR!
THERE'S SOMEONE LOCKING THE
DOOR!
NO!
DOOR!
NO!
[ALL SQUEALING]
NO!
[ALL SQUEALING]
SUBMITTED FOR YOUR
[ALL SQUEALING]
SUBMITTED FOR YOUR
APPROVAL...
SUBMITTED FOR YOUR
APPROVAL...
THREE PRETTY GIRLS,
APPROVAL...
THREE PRETTY GIRLS,
ALL OF THEM ACTRESSES,
THREE PRETTY GIRLS,
ALL OF THEM ACTRESSES,
LOCKED IN A MOTEL ROOM, EACH
ALL OF THEM ACTRESSES,
LOCKED IN A MOTEL ROOM, EACH
POSSESSING SIMILAR CHARMS AND
LOCKED IN A MOTEL ROOM, EACH
POSSESSING SIMILAR CHARMS AND
TALENTS.
POSSESSING SIMILAR CHARMS AND
TALENTS.
VICTIMS OF A BIZARRE JOKE,
TALENTS.
VICTIMS OF A BIZARRE JOKE,
PERHAPS.
VICTIMS OF A BIZARRE JOKE,
PERHAPS.
OR PERHAPS THIS... A MAN CREATES
PERHAPS.
OR PERHAPS THIS... A MAN CREATES
A TELEVISION SHOW.
OR PERHAPS THIS... A MAN CREATES
A TELEVISION SHOW.
HE GOES TO A LOT OF PARTIES.
A TELEVISION SHOW.
HE GOES TO A LOT OF PARTIES.
HE MEETS A LOT OF PRETTY
HE GOES TO A LOT OF PARTIES.
HE MEETS A LOT OF PRETTY
ACTRESSES.
HE MEETS A LOT OF PRETTY
ACTRESSES.
HE WAKES UP IN THE MORNING.
ACTRESSES.
HE WAKES UP IN THE MORNING.
PERHAPS HE'S HAD A LITTLE TOO
HE WAKES UP IN THE MORNING.
PERHAPS HE'S HAD A LITTLE TOO
MUCH TO DRINK.
PERHAPS HE'S HAD A LITTLE TOO
MUCH TO DRINK.
HE DOESN'T REMEMBER THE PROMISES
MUCH TO DRINK.
HE DOESN'T REMEMBER THE PROMISES
HE MADE THE NIGHT BEFORE.
HE DOESN'T REMEMBER THE PROMISES
HE MADE THE NIGHT BEFORE.
ALTHOUGH HE'S A BRILLIANT WRITER
HE MADE THE NIGHT BEFORE.
ALTHOUGH HE'S A BRILLIANT WRITER
AND CREATOR, HE IS ALSO HUMAN,
ALTHOUGH HE'S A BRILLIANT WRITER
AND CREATOR, HE IS ALSO HUMAN,
AND HE HAS HIS NEEDS.
AND CREATOR, HE IS ALSO HUMAN,
AND HE HAS HIS NEEDS.
THAT'S WHY HE ARRANGED THIS
AND HE HAS HIS NEEDS.
THAT'S WHY HE ARRANGED THIS
MEETING, AND, IN A FEW MOMENTS,
THAT'S WHY HE ARRANGED THIS
MEETING, AND, IN A FEW MOMENTS,
WILL CROSS FOREVER INTO THE
MEETING, AND, IN A FEW MOMENTS,
WILL CROSS FOREVER INTO THE
"TWILITE ZONE."
WILL CROSS FOREVER INTO THE
"TWILITE ZONE."
["TWILIGHT ZONE" THEME PLAYS]
Announcer: AND NOW,
"WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH
JANE CURTIN.
GOOD EVENING.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...
A LONG-TERM STUDY OF
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...
A LONG-TERM STUDY OF
CONTRACEPTION HAS RESULTED IN A
A LONG-TERM STUDY OF
CONTRACEPTION HAS RESULTED IN A
HIGHLY FAVORABLE EVALUATION OF
CONTRACEPTION HAS RESULTED IN A
HIGHLY FAVORABLE EVALUATION OF
THE DIAPHRAGM, AS OPPOSED TO THE
HIGHLY FAVORABLE EVALUATION OF
THE DIAPHRAGM, AS OPPOSED TO THE
ORAL CONTRACEPTIVE PILL...
THE DIAPHRAGM, AS OPPOSED TO THE
ORAL CONTRACEPTIVE PILL...
WHICH HAS HAD CONTROVERSIES OVER
ORAL CONTRACEPTIVE PILL...
WHICH HAS HAD CONTROVERSIES OVER
ITS SIDE EFFECTS.
WHICH HAS HAD CONTROVERSIES OVER
ITS SIDE EFFECTS.
THE MAJOR COMPLAINT ABOUT THE
ITS SIDE EFFECTS.
THE MAJOR COMPLAINT ABOUT THE
DIAPHRAGM, COMPARED TO THE PILL,
THE MAJOR COMPLAINT ABOUT THE
DIAPHRAGM, COMPARED TO THE PILL,
IS THAT THE DIAPHRAGM IS MUCH
DIAPHRAGM, COMPARED TO THE PILL,
IS THAT THE DIAPHRAGM IS MUCH
HARDER TO SWALLOW.
IS THAT THE DIAPHRAGM IS MUCH
HARDER TO SWALLOW.
[LAUGHTER]
HARDER TO SWALLOW.
[LAUGHTER]
PATTY HEARST WAS RELEASED FROM
[LAUGHTER]
PATTY HEARST WAS RELEASED FROM
PRISON ON BAIL YESTERDAY,
PATTY HEARST WAS RELEASED FROM
PRISON ON BAIL YESTERDAY,
PENDING APPEALS OF HER TRIAL AT
PRISON ON BAIL YESTERDAY,
PENDING APPEALS OF HER TRIAL AT
A LATER DATE.
PENDING APPEALS OF HER TRIAL AT
A LATER DATE.
SHE WAS TAKEN FROM HER CELL AND
A LATER DATE.
SHE WAS TAKEN FROM HER CELL AND
DRIVEN HOME IN THE TRUNK OF A
SHE WAS TAKEN FROM HER CELL AND
DRIVEN HOME IN THE TRUNK OF A
CAR AND LOCKED IN A CLOSET FOR
DRIVEN HOME IN THE TRUNK OF A
CAR AND LOCKED IN A CLOSET FOR
OBVIOUS REASON OF SECURITY.
CAR AND LOCKED IN A CLOSET FOR
OBVIOUS REASON OF SECURITY.
THE BAIL WAS $1.5 MILLION IN
OBVIOUS REASON OF SECURITY.
THE BAIL WAS $1.5 MILLION IN
CASH AND BONDS, AND ALTHOUGH
THE BAIL WAS $1.5 MILLION IN
CASH AND BONDS, AND ALTHOUGH
OFFICIALS DENY THAT THE HEARST
CASH AND BONDS, AND ALTHOUGH
OFFICIALS DENY THAT THE HEARST
FORTUNE BOUGHT PATTY'S RELEASE,
OFFICIALS DENY THAT THE HEARST
FORTUNE BOUGHT PATTY'S RELEASE,
THEY DIDN'T DENY THAT THE
FORTUNE BOUGHT PATTY'S RELEASE,
THEY DIDN'T DENY THAT THE
CALIFORNIA STATE BUDGET HAS
THEY DIDN'T DENY THAT THE
CALIFORNIA STATE BUDGET HAS
FINALLY BEEN BALANCED FOR THE
CALIFORNIA STATE BUDGET HAS
FINALLY BEEN BALANCED FOR THE
FIRST TIME IN 75 YEARS.
FINALLY BEEN BALANCED FOR THE
FIRST TIME IN 75 YEARS.
STEVEN WEED, PATTY'S EX-FIANCé,
FIRST TIME IN 75 YEARS.
STEVEN WEED, PATTY'S EX-FIANCé,
WAS ASKED IF THE THOUGHT THE
STEVEN WEED, PATTY'S EX-FIANCé,
WAS ASKED IF THE THOUGHT THE
COUPLE WOULD GET BACK TOGETHER
WAS ASKED IF THE THOUGHT THE
COUPLE WOULD GET BACK TOGETHER
NOW THAT SHE'S HOME.
COUPLE WOULD GET BACK TOGETHER
NOW THAT SHE'S HOME.
WEED ANSWERED, "I'M USUALLY VERY
NOW THAT SHE'S HOME.
WEED ANSWERED, "I'M USUALLY VERY
UNDERSTANDING, BUT THIS GIRL HAS
WEED ANSWERED, "I'M USUALLY VERY
UNDERSTANDING, BUT THIS GIRL HAS
A LOT OF EXPLAINING TO DO."
UNDERSTANDING, BUT THIS GIRL HAS
A LOT OF EXPLAINING TO DO."
A REPORT RELEASED THIS WEEK BY
A LOT OF EXPLAINING TO DO."
A REPORT RELEASED THIS WEEK BY
CARTER CAMPAIGN TREASURER
A REPORT RELEASED THIS WEEK BY
CARTER CAMPAIGN TREASURER
ROBERT LIPSCHUTZ STATES THAT
CARTER CAMPAIGN TREASURER
ROBERT LIPSCHUTZ STATES THAT
JIMMY CARTER SPENT NEARLY
ROBERT LIPSCHUTZ STATES THAT
JIMMY CARTER SPENT NEARLY
$35 MILLION TO WIN THE
JIMMY CARTER SPENT NEARLY
$35 MILLION TO WIN THE
PRESIDENCY.
$35 MILLION TO WIN THE
PRESIDENCY.
THE PRESIDENT-ELECT IS SHOWN
PRESIDENCY.
THE PRESIDENT-ELECT IS SHOWN
HERE BEGGING ON THE STREETS OF
THE PRESIDENT-ELECT IS SHOWN
HERE BEGGING ON THE STREETS OF
PLAINS FOR MONEY TO MAKE UP HIS
HERE BEGGING ON THE STREETS OF
PLAINS FOR MONEY TO MAKE UP HIS
DEFICIT.
PLAINS FOR MONEY TO MAKE UP HIS
DEFICIT.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
DEFICIT.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
AT A PRIVATE BUSINESS GATHERING
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
AT A PRIVATE BUSINESS GATHERING
IN BOSTON, FORMER CALIFORNIA
AT A PRIVATE BUSINESS GATHERING
IN BOSTON, FORMER CALIFORNIA
GOVERNOR RONALD REAGAN SAID
IN BOSTON, FORMER CALIFORNIA
GOVERNOR RONALD REAGAN SAID
YESTERDAY THAT "IF AMERICA'S
GOVERNOR RONALD REAGAN SAID
YESTERDAY THAT "IF AMERICA'S
TWO-PARTY SYSTEM IS TO SURVIVE,
YESTERDAY THAT "IF AMERICA'S
TWO-PARTY SYSTEM IS TO SURVIVE,
THE REPUBLICAN PARTY NEEDS A NEW
TWO-PARTY SYSTEM IS TO SURVIVE,
THE REPUBLICAN PARTY NEEDS A NEW
SUPPORTING COALITION AND A NEW
THE REPUBLICAN PARTY NEEDS A NEW
SUPPORTING COALITION AND A NEW
NAME."
SUPPORTING COALITION AND A NEW
NAME."
TODAY, G.O.P. HEADQUARTERS IS
NAME."
TODAY, G.O.P. HEADQUARTERS IS
BEING FLOODED BY SUGGESTIONS
TODAY, G.O.P. HEADQUARTERS IS
BEING FLOODED BY SUGGESTIONS
FOR THE NEW NAME, THE MOST
BEING FLOODED BY SUGGESTIONS
FOR THE NEW NAME, THE MOST
POPULAR OF WHICH IS [BLEEP]
FOR THE NEW NAME, THE MOST
POPULAR OF WHICH IS [BLEEP]
FOLLOWED BY [BLEEP] AND FINALLY
POPULAR OF WHICH IS [BLEEP]
FOLLOWED BY [BLEEP] AND FINALLY
"THE SUPREMES."
FOLLOWED BY [BLEEP] AND FINALLY
"THE SUPREMES."
[LAUGHTER]
"THE SUPREMES."
[LAUGHTER]
WELL, FOR QUITE SOME TIME NOW,
[LAUGHTER]
WELL, FOR QUITE SOME TIME NOW,
THE AREA KNOWN AS THE
WELL, FOR QUITE SOME TIME NOW,
THE AREA KNOWN AS THE
BERMUDA TRIANGLE HAS
THE AREA KNOWN AS THE
BERMUDA TRIANGLE HAS
MYSTERIOUSLY ACCOUNTED FOR THE
BERMUDA TRIANGLE HAS
MYSTERIOUSLY ACCOUNTED FOR THE
DISAPPEARANCE OF PLANES AND
MYSTERIOUSLY ACCOUNTED FOR THE
DISAPPEARANCE OF PLANES AND
BOATS THAT TRAVEL THROUGH IT.
DISAPPEARANCE OF PLANES AND
BOATS THAT TRAVEL THROUGH IT.
BUT TODAY, IT WAS DISCOVERED
BOATS THAT TRAVEL THROUGH IT.
BUT TODAY, IT WAS DISCOVERED
THAT THE TRIANGLE WAS ONLY PART
BUT TODAY, IT WAS DISCOVERED
THAT THE TRIANGLE WAS ONLY PART
OF A LARGER CONFIGURATION, NOW
THAT THE TRIANGLE WAS ONLY PART
OF A LARGER CONFIGURATION, NOW
BEING REFERRED TO AS THE BERMUDA
OF A LARGER CONFIGURATION, NOW
BEING REFERRED TO AS THE BERMUDA
SHORTS.
BEING REFERRED TO AS THE BERMUDA
SHORTS.
[LAUGHTER]
SHORTS.
[LAUGHTER]
ALTHOUGH STILL AT A LOSS AS TO
[LAUGHTER]
ALTHOUGH STILL AT A LOSS AS TO
HOW THE BOATS AND PLANES ARE
ALTHOUGH STILL AT A LOSS AS TO
HOW THE BOATS AND PLANES ARE
LOST, SCIENTISTS SAY THAT THE
HOW THE BOATS AND PLANES ARE
LOST, SCIENTISTS SAY THAT THE
REVELATION DOES SHED SOME LIGHT
LOST, SCIENTISTS SAY THAT THE
REVELATION DOES SHED SOME LIGHT
AS TO WHY ALL THE FISH IN THE
REVELATION DOES SHED SOME LIGHT
AS TO WHY ALL THE FISH IN THE
AREA ARE WEARING KNEE SOCKS.
AS TO WHY ALL THE FISH IN THE
AREA ARE WEARING KNEE SOCKS.
THIS STORY FROM BELGRADE,
AREA ARE WEARING KNEE SOCKS.
THIS STORY FROM BELGRADE,
YUGOSLAVIA.
THIS STORY FROM BELGRADE,
YUGOSLAVIA.
CONTRARY TO PREVIOUS REPORTS,
YUGOSLAVIA.
CONTRARY TO PREVIOUS REPORTS,
YUGOSLAV PRESIDENT TITO AND
CONTRARY TO PREVIOUS REPORTS,
YUGOSLAV PRESIDENT TITO AND
SOVIET LEADER LEONID BREZHNEV DO
YUGOSLAV PRESIDENT TITO AND
SOVIET LEADER LEONID BREZHNEV DO
CLOSE THEIR EYES WHEN THEY KISS.
SOVIET LEADER LEONID BREZHNEV DO
CLOSE THEIR EYES WHEN THEY KISS.
[LAUGHTER]
CLOSE THEIR EYES WHEN THEY KISS.
[LAUGHTER]
ACTOR HARRY REEMS, THE LARGEST
[LAUGHTER]
ACTOR HARRY REEMS, THE LARGEST
MEMBER OF THE CAST OF
ACTOR HARRY REEMS, THE LARGEST
MEMBER OF THE CAST OF
"DEEP THROAT," ATTENDED A
MEMBER OF THE CAST OF
"DEEP THROAT," ATTENDED A
STAR-STUDDED PARTY TO RAISE
"DEEP THROAT," ATTENDED A
STAR-STUDDED PARTY TO RAISE
MONEY FOR HIS LEGAL-DEFENSE
STAR-STUDDED PARTY TO RAISE
MONEY FOR HIS LEGAL-DEFENSE
FUND.
MONEY FOR HIS LEGAL-DEFENSE
FUND.
IT WAS THERE THAT THE ACTOR
FUND.
IT WAS THERE THAT THE ACTOR
UNVEILED A NEW HARRY REEMS
IT WAS THERE THAT THE ACTOR
UNVEILED A NEW HARRY REEMS
COCKTAIL, WHICH, ALTHOUGH IT
UNVEILED A NEW HARRY REEMS
COCKTAIL, WHICH, ALTHOUGH IT
CONTAINS NO BEER, STILL HAS A
COCKTAIL, WHICH, ALTHOUGH IT
CONTAINS NO BEER, STILL HAS A
HEAD.
CONTAINS NO BEER, STILL HAS A
HEAD.
[LAUGHTER]
HEAD.
[LAUGHTER]
IT'S MY JOB, MOM.
[LAUGHTER]
IT'S MY JOB, MOM.
I'M SORRY.
IT'S MY JOB, MOM.
I'M SORRY.
NOW THIS FILM REPORT FROM
I'M SORRY.
NOW THIS FILM REPORT FROM
CORRESPONDENT LARAINE NEWMAN.
NOW THIS FILM REPORT FROM
CORRESPONDENT LARAINE NEWMAN.
THIS IS LARAINE NEWMAN
CORRESPONDENT LARAINE NEWMAN.
THIS IS LARAINE NEWMAN
REPORTING FROM SLEEPY MINEOLA,
THIS IS LARAINE NEWMAN
REPORTING FROM SLEEPY MINEOLA,
LONG ISLAND, WHERE LAST WEEK IT
REPORTING FROM SLEEPY MINEOLA,
LONG ISLAND, WHERE LAST WEEK IT
WAS DISCLOSED THAT LONG-TIME
LONG ISLAND, WHERE LAST WEEK IT
WAS DISCLOSED THAT LONG-TIME
RESIDENT BOLESLAV MAIKOVSKIS
WAS DISCLOSED THAT LONG-TIME
RESIDENT BOLESLAV MAIKOVSKIS
ALLEGEDLY WAS A NAZI WAR
RESIDENT BOLESLAV MAIKOVSKIS
ALLEGEDLY WAS A NAZI WAR
CRIMINAL WHO ENTERED THIS
ALLEGEDLY WAS A NAZI WAR
CRIMINAL WHO ENTERED THIS
COUNTRY ILLEGALLY.
CRIMINAL WHO ENTERED THIS
COUNTRY ILLEGALLY.
BUT MINEOLANS TELL ME THEY
COUNTRY ILLEGALLY.
BUT MINEOLANS TELL ME THEY
ACCEPT MAIKOVSKIS AS A PEACEFUL
BUT MINEOLANS TELL ME THEY
ACCEPT MAIKOVSKIS AS A PEACEFUL
CITIZEN WHO PAYS HIS TAXES,
ACCEPT MAIKOVSKIS AS A PEACEFUL
CITIZEN WHO PAYS HIS TAXES,
KEEPS UP HIS LAWN, AND WORKS
CITIZEN WHO PAYS HIS TAXES,
KEEPS UP HIS LAWN, AND WORKS
AFTERNOONS WITH THE TOWN'S STATE
KEEPS UP HIS LAWN, AND WORKS
AFTERNOONS WITH THE TOWN'S STATE
HIGH SCHOOL CHAMPION SOCCER
AFTERNOONS WITH THE TOWN'S STATE
HIGH SCHOOL CHAMPION SOCCER
TEAM.
HIGH SCHOOL CHAMPION SOCCER
TEAM.
THEY SEE NO REASON TO DEPORT
TEAM.
THEY SEE NO REASON TO DEPORT
MAIKOVSKIS, NOR ANY OF THE OTHER
THEY SEE NO REASON TO DEPORT
MAIKOVSKIS, NOR ANY OF THE OTHER
NAZIS WHO CAME HERE AFTER
MAIKOVSKIS, NOR ANY OF THE OTHER
NAZIS WHO CAME HERE AFTER
WORLD WAR II.
NAZIS WHO CAME HERE AFTER
WORLD WAR II.
TO LOCAL RESIDENTS, NAZIS ARE
WORLD WAR II.
TO LOCAL RESIDENTS, NAZIS ARE
LIKE ANY OTHER MINORITY GROUP
TO LOCAL RESIDENTS, NAZIS ARE
LIKE ANY OTHER MINORITY GROUP
WHO FLED TO THIS COUNTRY TO
LIKE ANY OTHER MINORITY GROUP
WHO FLED TO THIS COUNTRY TO
ESCAPE PERSECUTION.
WHO FLED TO THIS COUNTRY TO
ESCAPE PERSECUTION.
ONLY IN AMERICA, JANE, THE
ESCAPE PERSECUTION.
ONLY IN AMERICA, JANE, THE
MELTING POT OF THE WORLD.
ONLY IN AMERICA, JANE, THE
MELTING POT OF THE WORLD.
LARAINE NEWMAN, MINEOLA,
MELTING POT OF THE WORLD.
LARAINE NEWMAN, MINEOLA,
LONG ISLAND.
LARAINE NEWMAN, MINEOLA,
LONG ISLAND.
[APPLAUSE]
LONG ISLAND.
[APPLAUSE]
THIS JUST IN... UTAH MURDERER
[APPLAUSE]
THIS JUST IN... UTAH MURDERER
GARY GILMORE, WHO HAS REQUESTED
THIS JUST IN... UTAH MURDERER
GARY GILMORE, WHO HAS REQUESTED
A SPEEDY CARRYING OUT OF HIS
GARY GILMORE, WHO HAS REQUESTED
A SPEEDY CARRYING OUT OF HIS
DEATH SENTENCE, HAS JUST WON THE
A SPEEDY CARRYING OUT OF HIS
DEATH SENTENCE, HAS JUST WON THE
UTAH STATE LOTTERY, THE FIRST
DEATH SENTENCE, HAS JUST WON THE
UTAH STATE LOTTERY, THE FIRST
PRIZE... THE FIRST PRIZE,
UTAH STATE LOTTERY, THE FIRST
PRIZE... THE FIRST PRIZE,
WHICH IS $50,000 A YEAR FOR
PRIZE... THE FIRST PRIZE,
WHICH IS $50,000 A YEAR FOR
LIFE.
WHICH IS $50,000 A YEAR FOR
LIFE.
UTAH LOTTERY OFFICIALS SAY THEY
LIFE.
UTAH LOTTERY OFFICIALS SAY THEY
COULDN'T BE HAPPIER.
UTAH LOTTERY OFFICIALS SAY THEY
COULDN'T BE HAPPIER.
THERE WAS A NEAR TRAGEDY THIS
COULDN'T BE HAPPIER.
THERE WAS A NEAR TRAGEDY THIS
WEEK, WHEN POPULAR TV
THERE WAS A NEAR TRAGEDY THIS
WEEK, WHEN POPULAR TV
PERSONALITY MORRIS THE CAT
WEEK, WHEN POPULAR TV
PERSONALITY MORRIS THE CAT
ATTEMPTED SUICIDE.
PERSONALITY MORRIS THE CAT
ATTEMPTED SUICIDE.
DESPONDENT OVER THE DEATH OF A
ATTEMPTED SUICIDE.
DESPONDENT OVER THE DEATH OF A
CLOSE FRIEND, SMOKEY THE BEAR,
DESPONDENT OVER THE DEATH OF A
CLOSE FRIEND, SMOKEY THE BEAR,
MORRIS, IN AN ACT OF SYMPATHY,
CLOSE FRIEND, SMOKEY THE BEAR,
MORRIS, IN AN ACT OF SYMPATHY,
CHOSE TO CALL IT QUITS HIMSELF,
MORRIS, IN AN ACT OF SYMPATHY,
CHOSE TO CALL IT QUITS HIMSELF,
LEAVING BEHIND A NOTE WHICH
CHOSE TO CALL IT QUITS HIMSELF,
LEAVING BEHIND A NOTE WHICH
READ SIMPLY...
LEAVING BEHIND A NOTE WHICH
READ SIMPLY...
♪ "MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MEOW
READ SIMPLY...
♪ "MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MEOW
MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MEOW ♪
♪ "MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MEOW
MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MEOW ♪
♪ MEOW, MEOW, MEOW
MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MEOW ♪
♪ MEOW, MEOW, MEOW
MEOW, MEOW" ♪
♪ MEOW, MEOW, MEOW
MEOW, MEOW" ♪
BECAUSE MORRIS HAD NINE LIVES,
MEOW, MEOW" ♪
BECAUSE MORRIS HAD NINE LIVES,
HE TRIED TO END THEM ALL BY
BECAUSE MORRIS HAD NINE LIVES,
HE TRIED TO END THEM ALL BY
HANGING HIMSELF, SLITTING HIS
HE TRIED TO END THEM ALL BY
HANGING HIMSELF, SLITTING HIS
WRISTS, STICKING HIS HEAD IN AN
HANGING HIMSELF, SLITTING HIS
WRISTS, STICKING HIS HEAD IN AN
OVEN, MIXING ALCOHOL WITH
WRISTS, STICKING HIS HEAD IN AN
OVEN, MIXING ALCOHOL WITH
SLEEPING PILLS, THROWING HIMSELF
OVEN, MIXING ALCOHOL WITH
SLEEPING PILLS, THROWING HIMSELF
IN FRONT OF A TRAIN, BRINGING A
SLEEPING PILLS, THROWING HIMSELF
IN FRONT OF A TRAIN, BRINGING A
RADIO INTO THE BATHTUB WITH HIM,
IN FRONT OF A TRAIN, BRINGING A
RADIO INTO THE BATHTUB WITH HIM,
SHOOTING HIMSELF, AND SITTING IN
RADIO INTO THE BATHTUB WITH HIM,
SHOOTING HIMSELF, AND SITTING IN
A CAR WITH THE MOTOR RUNNING IN
SHOOTING HIMSELF, AND SITTING IN
A CAR WITH THE MOTOR RUNNING IN
HIS GARAGE.
A CAR WITH THE MOTOR RUNNING IN
HIS GARAGE.
MORRIS, NOW RESTING COMFORTABLY
HIS GARAGE.
MORRIS, NOW RESTING COMFORTABLY
AT BIDEAWEE HOSPITAL, DEPRESSED
MORRIS, NOW RESTING COMFORTABLY
AT BIDEAWEE HOSPITAL, DEPRESSED
THAT HE COULD ONLY THINK OF
AT BIDEAWEE HOSPITAL, DEPRESSED
THAT HE COULD ONLY THINK OF
EIGHT WAYS TO KILL HIMSELF.
THAT HE COULD ONLY THINK OF
EIGHT WAYS TO KILL HIMSELF.
"UPDATE" VIEWERS WHO HAVE IDEAS
EIGHT WAYS TO KILL HIMSELF.
"UPDATE" VIEWERS WHO HAVE IDEAS
FOR A NINTH WAY TO KILL MORRIS
"UPDATE" VIEWERS WHO HAVE IDEAS
FOR A NINTH WAY TO KILL MORRIS
ARE URGED TO SEND THEM TO...
[APPLAUSE]
THE DECISION OF MORRIS IS FINAL.
THE NATIONAL BROADCASTING
THE DECISION OF MORRIS IS FINAL.
THE NATIONAL BROADCASTING
COMPANY MARKED ITS 50th
THE NATIONAL BROADCASTING
COMPANY MARKED ITS 50th
ANNIVERSARY THIS WEEK.
COMPANY MARKED ITS 50th
ANNIVERSARY THIS WEEK.
THIS OCCASION WILL BE SALUTED IN
ANNIVERSARY THIS WEEK.
THIS OCCASION WILL BE SALUTED IN
A TV SPECIAL TOMORROW NIGHT
THIS OCCASION WILL BE SALUTED IN
A TV SPECIAL TOMORROW NIGHT
SHOWING THE NETWORK'S STARS,
A TV SPECIAL TOMORROW NIGHT
SHOWING THE NETWORK'S STARS,
BIGGEST HIGHLIGHTS, AND MOST
SHOWING THE NETWORK'S STARS,
BIGGEST HIGHLIGHTS, AND MOST
GLAMOROUS MOMENTS OF THE PAST 50
BIGGEST HIGHLIGHTS, AND MOST
GLAMOROUS MOMENTS OF THE PAST 50
YEARS, WHICH, THROUGH CREATIVE
GLAMOROUS MOMENTS OF THE PAST 50
YEARS, WHICH, THROUGH CREATIVE
INGENUITY, HAS SOMEHOW BEEN
YEARS, WHICH, THROUGH CREATIVE
INGENUITY, HAS SOMEHOW BEEN
STRETCHED TO 4 1/2 HOURS.
INGENUITY, HAS SOMEHOW BEEN
STRETCHED TO 4 1/2 HOURS.
THE COMPANY HAS BEEN RECEIVING
STRETCHED TO 4 1/2 HOURS.
THE COMPANY HAS BEEN RECEIVING
GIFTS ALL WEEK, INCLUDING BEST
THE COMPANY HAS BEEN RECEIVING
GIFTS ALL WEEK, INCLUDING BEST
WISHES FROM COMPETING NETWORKS,
GIFTS ALL WEEK, INCLUDING BEST
WISHES FROM COMPETING NETWORKS,
CBS AND ABC, WHO SENT THEM DAWN,
WISHES FROM COMPETING NETWORKS,
CBS AND ABC, WHO SENT THEM DAWN,
DOC, MR. T AND TINA, AND A
CBS AND ABC, WHO SENT THEM DAWN,
DOC, MR. T AND TINA, AND A
HOMESICK BARBARA WALTERS.
DOC, MR. T AND TINA, AND A
HOMESICK BARBARA WALTERS.
AND IN STILL ANOTHER
HOMESICK BARBARA WALTERS.
AND IN STILL ANOTHER
CELEBRATION, TODAY MARKS THE
AND IN STILL ANOTHER
CELEBRATION, TODAY MARKS THE
FIRST ANNIVERSARY OF THE
CELEBRATION, TODAY MARKS THE
FIRST ANNIVERSARY OF THE
SO-CALLED DEATH OF
FIRST ANNIVERSARY OF THE
SO-CALLED DEATH OF
GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO.
SO-CALLED DEATH OF
GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO.
HE, TOO, HAS BEEN RECEIVING
GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO.
HE, TOO, HAS BEEN RECEIVING
GIFTS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD,
HE, TOO, HAS BEEN RECEIVING
GIFTS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD,
INCLUDING DEAD FLOWERS FROM
GIFTS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD,
INCLUDING DEAD FLOWERS FROM
ARGENTINA, A CANDYGRAM FROM
INCLUDING DEAD FLOWERS FROM
ARGENTINA, A CANDYGRAM FROM
MAO TSE-TUNG, AND RECENTLY
ARGENTINA, A CANDYGRAM FROM
MAO TSE-TUNG, AND RECENTLY
ACQUIRED DAWN, DOC, MR. T AND
MAO TSE-TUNG, AND RECENTLY
ACQUIRED DAWN, DOC, MR. T AND
TINA, AS WELL AS A HOMESICK
ACQUIRED DAWN, DOC, MR. T AND
TINA, AS WELL AS A HOMESICK
BARBARA WALTERS FROM THE
TINA, AS WELL AS A HOMESICK
BARBARA WALTERS FROM THE
NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY.
BARBARA WALTERS FROM THE
NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY.
FEDERAL HEALTH OFFICIALS REPORT
NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY.
FEDERAL HEALTH OFFICIALS REPORT
THAT A NEW STRAIN OF GONORRHEA,
FEDERAL HEALTH OFFICIALS REPORT
THAT A NEW STRAIN OF GONORRHEA,
WHICH KILLS THE PENICILLIN USED
THAT A NEW STRAIN OF GONORRHEA,
WHICH KILLS THE PENICILLIN USED
TO TREAT IT, HAS TURNED UP IN
WHICH KILLS THE PENICILLIN USED
TO TREAT IT, HAS TURNED UP IN
11 STATES.
TO TREAT IT, HAS TURNED UP IN
11 STATES.
COINCIDENTALLY, THEY ARE THE
11 STATES.
COINCIDENTALLY, THEY ARE THE
SAME STATES VISITED LAST SPRING
COINCIDENTALLY, THEY ARE THE
SAME STATES VISITED LAST SPRING
BY UGANDAN DICTATOR IDI AMIN.
SAME STATES VISITED LAST SPRING
BY UGANDAN DICTATOR IDI AMIN.
REACHED FOR COMMENT BY OUR
BY UGANDAN DICTATOR IDI AMIN.
REACHED FOR COMMENT BY OUR
UPDATE CORRESPONDENT, AMIN
REACHED FOR COMMENT BY OUR
UPDATE CORRESPONDENT, AMIN
SAID, "IT JUST GOES TO PROVE
UPDATE CORRESPONDENT, AMIN
SAID, "IT JUST GOES TO PROVE
THAT I CAN SPREAD MY PHILOSOPHY
SAID, "IT JUST GOES TO PROVE
THAT I CAN SPREAD MY PHILOSOPHY
IN YOUR COUNTRY."
THAT I CAN SPREAD MY PHILOSOPHY
IN YOUR COUNTRY."
HERE TO COMMENT FURTHER ON THIS
IN YOUR COUNTRY."
HERE TO COMMENT FURTHER ON THIS
IS "UPDATE" SCIENCE EDITOR
HERE TO COMMENT FURTHER ON THIS
IS "UPDATE" SCIENCE EDITOR
DR. GARRETT MORRIS.
IS "UPDATE" SCIENCE EDITOR
DR. GARRETT MORRIS.
DR. MORRIS, TELL US ABOUT THIS
DR. GARRETT MORRIS.
DR. MORRIS, TELL US ABOUT THIS
NEW STRAIN, AND WHY HAS IT
DR. MORRIS, TELL US ABOUT THIS
NEW STRAIN, AND WHY HAS IT
GOTTEN OUT OF HAND?
WELL, UH, JANE, WHAT MAKES
THIS STRAIN SO UNUSUAL IS
THAT IT KILLS PENICILLIN, WHICH
IS USED TO KILL GONORRHEA.
AND THIS GONORRHEA IS A TRICKY
ONE.
OOH, IT'S TRICKY.
ONE.
OOH, IT'S TRICKY.
LET ME SHOW YOU.
OOH, IT'S TRICKY.
LET ME SHOW YOU.
NOW, THIS HERE...
LET ME SHOW YOU.
NOW, THIS HERE...
LET ME PUT A LITTLE DROP HERE.
NOW, THIS HERE...
LET ME PUT A LITTLE DROP HERE.
OKAY.
LET ME PUT A LITTLE DROP HERE.
OKAY.
THIS HERE PENICILLIN.
OKAY.
THIS HERE PENICILLIN.
NOW, LET'S JUST FOCUS IN.
THIS HERE PENICILLIN.
NOW, LET'S JUST FOCUS IN.
RIGHT DOWN THERE.
NOW, LET'S JUST FOCUS IN.
RIGHT DOWN THERE.
[LAUGHTER]
RIGHT DOWN THERE.
[LAUGHTER]
ALL RIGHT. NOW, YOU SEE?
[LAUGHTER]
ALL RIGHT. NOW, YOU SEE?
YOU SEE?
ALL RIGHT. NOW, YOU SEE?
YOU SEE?
NOW, WE'VE FORTIFIED THIS
YOU SEE?
NOW, WE'VE FORTIFIED THIS
PENICILLIN THE BEST WAY WE KNEW
NOW, WE'VE FORTIFIED THIS
PENICILLIN THE BEST WAY WE KNEW
HOW.
PENICILLIN THE BEST WAY WE KNEW
HOW.
BUT NO MATTER WHAT WE DO, THE
HOW.
BUT NO MATTER WHAT WE DO, THE
RESULTS ARE ALWAYS THE SAME.
BUT NO MATTER WHAT WE DO, THE
RESULTS ARE ALWAYS THE SAME.
BUT DIFFERENT APPROACHES, NEW
RESULTS ARE ALWAYS THE SAME.
BUT DIFFERENT APPROACHES, NEW
STRATEGIES...
BUT DIFFERENT APPROACHES, NEW
STRATEGIES...
NOTHING SEEMS TO WORK AGAINST
STRATEGIES...
NOTHING SEEMS TO WORK AGAINST
THIS GONORRHEA.
NOTHING SEEMS TO WORK AGAINST
THIS GONORRHEA.
BECAUSE IN THE LONG RUN, THE
THIS GONORRHEA.
BECAUSE IN THE LONG RUN, THE
PENICILLIN IS STILL A LOSER.
BECAUSE IN THE LONG RUN, THE
PENICILLIN IS STILL A LOSER.
VERY FRIGHTENING, DOCTOR.
PENICILLIN IS STILL A LOSER.
VERY FRIGHTENING, DOCTOR.
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING,
VERY FRIGHTENING, DOCTOR.
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING,
DOCTOR.
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING,
DOCTOR.
I'M CURIOUS.
DOCTOR.
I'M CURIOUS.
JUST WHERE DID YOU GET THIS
I'M CURIOUS.
JUST WHERE DID YOU GET THIS
PARTICULAR SAMPLE FROM?
JUST WHERE DID YOU GET THIS
PARTICULAR SAMPLE FROM?
LORETTA. WHEW!
PARTICULAR SAMPLE FROM?
LORETTA. WHEW!
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
LORETTA. WHEW!
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU,
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU,
DR. GARRETT MORRIS.
THANK YOU,
DR. GARRETT MORRIS.
PORTIONS OF A RADIOACTIVE
DR. GARRETT MORRIS.
PORTIONS OF A RADIOACTIVE
CLOUD CAUSED BY THIS WEEK'S
PORTIONS OF A RADIOACTIVE
CLOUD CAUSED BY THIS WEEK'S
NUCLEAR TEST IN CHINA ARE
CLOUD CAUSED BY THIS WEEK'S
NUCLEAR TEST IN CHINA ARE
EXPECTED TO REACH NEW YORK CITY
NUCLEAR TEST IN CHINA ARE
EXPECTED TO REACH NEW YORK CITY
TOMORROW MORNING.
EXPECTED TO REACH NEW YORK CITY
TOMORROW MORNING.
REMAINS OF THIS GIANT MUSHROOM
TOMORROW MORNING.
REMAINS OF THIS GIANT MUSHROOM
CLOUD, FILLED WITH SIGNIFICANT
REMAINS OF THIS GIANT MUSHROOM
CLOUD, FILLED WITH SIGNIFICANT
AMOUNTS OF RADIOACTIVE FALLOUT,
CLOUD, FILLED WITH SIGNIFICANT
AMOUNTS OF RADIOACTIVE FALLOUT,
MAY HOVER OVER THE CITY FOR AS
AMOUNTS OF RADIOACTIVE FALLOUT,
MAY HOVER OVER THE CITY FOR AS
MUCH AS 24 HOURS.
MAY HOVER OVER THE CITY FOR AS
MUCH AS 24 HOURS.
IN A RELATED STORY, THE WEATHER
MUCH AS 24 HOURS.
IN A RELATED STORY, THE WEATHER
FORECAST FOR NEW YORK'S
IN A RELATED STORY, THE WEATHER
FORECAST FOR NEW YORK'S
METROPOLITAN AREA CALLS FOR
FORECAST FOR NEW YORK'S
METROPOLITAN AREA CALLS FOR
BRIGHTER SKIES, A LOWER POLLEN
METROPOLITAN AREA CALLS FOR
BRIGHTER SKIES, A LOWER POLLEN
COUNT, AND THE BEST AIR QUALITY
BRIGHTER SKIES, A LOWER POLLEN
COUNT, AND THE BEST AIR QUALITY
THAT THIS AREA HAS EXPERIENCED
COUNT, AND THE BEST AIR QUALITY
THAT THIS AREA HAS EXPERIENCED
IN QUITE SOME TIME.
THAT THIS AREA HAS EXPERIENCED
IN QUITE SOME TIME.
GOOD NIGHT, ENJOY THE WEATHER,
IN QUITE SOME TIME.
GOOD NIGHT, ENJOY THE WEATHER,
AND HAVE A PLEASANT TOMORROW.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY
FRIEND GEORGE HARRISON.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
FRIEND GEORGE HARRISON.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
A-ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.
[INTRO TO "HERE COMES THE SUN"
PLAYS]
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ AND I SAY ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ AND I SAY ♪
♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪
♪ IT'S BEEN A LONG, COLD, LONELY
WINTER ♪
♪ IT'S BEEN A LONG, COLD, LONELY
WINTER ♪
♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪
WINTER ♪
♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪
♪ IT SEEMS LIKE YEARS
♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪
♪ IT SEEMS LIKE YEARS
SINCE IT'S BEEN HERE ♪
♪ IT SEEMS LIKE YEARS
SINCE IT'S BEEN HERE ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
SINCE IT'S BEEN HERE ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ AND I SAY ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ AND I SAY ♪
♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪
♪ THE SMILES RETURNING TO THE
FACES ♪
♪ THE SMILES RETURNING TO THE
FACES ♪
♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪
FACES ♪
♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪
♪ IT SEEMS LIKE YEARS
♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪
♪ IT SEEMS LIKE YEARS
SINCE IT'S BEEN HERE ♪
♪ IT SEEMS LIKE YEARS
SINCE IT'S BEEN HERE ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
SINCE IT'S BEEN HERE ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ AND I SAY ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ AND I SAY ♪
♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ SUN, SUN, SUN ♪
♪ HERE IT COMES ♪
♪ SUN, SUN, SUN ♪
♪ HERE IT COMES ♪
♪ SUN, SUN, SUN ♪
♪ HERE IT COMES ♪
♪ SUN, SUN, SUN ♪
♪ HERE IT COMES ♪
♪ SUN, SUN, SUN ♪
♪ HERE IT COMES ♪
♪ SUN, SUN, SUN ♪
♪ HERE IT COMES ♪
♪ SUN, SUN, SUN ♪
♪ HERE IT COMES ♪
♪ SUN, SUN, SUN ♪
♪ HERE IT COMES ♪
♪ SUN, SUN, SUN ♪
♪ HERE IT COMES ♪
♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪
♪ I FEEL THE ICE IS SLOWLY
MELTING ♪
♪ I FEEL THE ICE IS SLOWLY
MELTING ♪
♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪
MELTING ♪
♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪
♪ IT SEEMS LIKE YEARS SINCE IT'S
♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪
♪ IT SEEMS LIKE YEARS SINCE IT'S
BEEN CLEAR ♪
♪ IT SEEMS LIKE YEARS SINCE IT'S
BEEN CLEAR ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
BEEN CLEAR ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ AND I SAY ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ AND I SAY ♪
♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ AND I SAY ♪
♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ AND I SAY ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ AND I SAY ♪
♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ AND I SAY ♪
♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
NICE.
THANK YOU.
NICE.
THANK YOU.
NICE.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
[TUNING GUITARS]
[INTRO TO "HOMEWARD BOUND"
PLAYS]
♪ I'M SITTIN' IN THE RAILWAY
[PLAYS]
♪ I'M SITTIN' IN THE RAILWAY
STATION ♪
♪ I'M SITTIN' IN THE RAILWAY
STATION ♪
♪ GOT A TICKET FOR MY
STATION ♪
♪ GOT A TICKET FOR MY
DESTINATION ♪
♪ GOT A TICKET FOR MY
DESTINATION ♪
♪ MMM ♪
DESTINATION ♪
♪ MMM ♪
♪ ON A TOUR OF ONE-NIGHT
♪ MMM ♪
♪ ON A TOUR OF ONE-NIGHT
STANDS ♪
♪ ON A TOUR OF ONE-NIGHT
STANDS ♪
♪ MY SUITCASE AND GUITAR IN
STANDS ♪
♪ MY SUITCASE AND GUITAR IN
HAND ♪
♪ MY SUITCASE AND GUITAR IN
HAND ♪
♪ AND EVERY STOP IS NEATLY
HAND ♪
♪ AND EVERY STOP IS NEATLY
PLANNED ♪
♪ AND EVERY STOP IS NEATLY
PLANNED ♪
♪ FOR A POET AND A ONE-MAN
PLANNED ♪
♪ FOR A POET AND A ONE-MAN
BAND ♪
♪ FOR A POET AND A ONE-MAN
BAND ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
BAND ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ I WISH I WAS ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ I WISH I WAS ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ I WISH I WAS ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S
ESCAPING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S
ESCAPING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S
ESCAPING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S
PLAYING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S
PLAYING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES
PLAYING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES
WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES
WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪
♪ EVERY DAY'S AN ENDLESS
WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪
♪ EVERY DAY'S AN ENDLESS
STREAM OF CIGARETTES AND
♪ EVERY DAY'S AN ENDLESS
STREAM OF CIGARETTES AND
MAGAZINES ♪
STREAM OF CIGARETTES AND
MAGAZINES ♪
♪ OOH, OOH ♪
MAGAZINES ♪
♪ OOH, OOH ♪
♪ AND EACH TOWN LOOKS THE SAME
♪ OOH, OOH ♪
♪ AND EACH TOWN LOOKS THE SAME
TO ME ♪
♪ AND EACH TOWN LOOKS THE SAME
TO ME ♪
♪ THE MOVIES AND THE FACTORIES ♪
TO ME ♪
♪ THE MOVIES AND THE FACTORIES ♪
♪ AND EVERY STRANGER'S FACE I
♪ THE MOVIES AND THE FACTORIES ♪
♪ AND EVERY STRANGER'S FACE I
SEE REMINDS ME THAT I LONG
♪ AND EVERY STRANGER'S FACE I
SEE REMINDS ME THAT I LONG
TO BE ♪
SEE REMINDS ME THAT I LONG
TO BE ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
TO BE ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ I WISH I WAS ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ I WISH I WAS ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ I WISH I WAS ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S
ESCAPING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S
ESCAPING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S
ESCAPING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S
PLAYING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S
PLAYING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES
PLAYING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES
WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES
WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪
♪ TONIGHT I'LL SING MY SONGS
WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪
♪ TONIGHT I'LL SING MY SONGS
AGAIN ♪
♪ TONIGHT I'LL SING MY SONGS
AGAIN ♪
♪ I'LL PLAY THE GAME AND
AGAIN ♪
♪ I'LL PLAY THE GAME AND
PRETEND ♪
♪ I'LL PLAY THE GAME AND
PRETEND ♪
♪ MMM ♪
PRETEND ♪
♪ MMM ♪
♪ BUT ALL MY WORDS COME BACK
♪ MMM ♪
♪ BUT ALL MY WORDS COME BACK
TO ME ♪
♪ BUT ALL MY WORDS COME BACK
TO ME ♪
♪ IN SHADES OF MEDIOCRITY ♪
TO ME ♪
♪ IN SHADES OF MEDIOCRITY ♪
♪ LIKE EMPTINESS IN HARMONY ♪
♪ IN SHADES OF MEDIOCRITY ♪
♪ LIKE EMPTINESS IN HARMONY ♪
♪ I NEED SOMEONE TO COMFORT ME ♪
♪ LIKE EMPTINESS IN HARMONY ♪
♪ I NEED SOMEONE TO COMFORT ME ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ I NEED SOMEONE TO COMFORT ME ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ I WISH I WAS ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ I WISH I WAS ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ I WISH I WAS ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S
ESCAPING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S
ESCAPING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S
ESCAPING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S
PLAYING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S
PLAYING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES
PLAYING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES
WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES
WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪
♪ SILENTLY FOR ME ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
GEORGE HAS BROUGHT TWO FILMS
THANK YOU.
GEORGE HAS BROUGHT TWO FILMS
WITH HIM TONIGHT THAT ARE SONGS
GEORGE HAS BROUGHT TWO FILMS
WITH HIM TONIGHT THAT ARE SONGS
FROM HIS NEW ALBUM.
WITH HIM TONIGHT THAT ARE SONGS
FROM HIS NEW ALBUM.
THE FILM THAT WE'RE ABOUT TO SEE
FROM HIS NEW ALBUM.
THE FILM THAT WE'RE ABOUT TO SEE
IS CALLED "CRACKERBOX PALACE,"
THE FILM THAT WE'RE ABOUT TO SEE
IS CALLED "CRACKERBOX PALACE,"
AND IT WAS DIRECTED BY A MUTUAL
IS CALLED "CRACKERBOX PALACE,"
AND IT WAS DIRECTED BY A MUTUAL
FRIEND, ERIC IDLE.
AND IT WAS DIRECTED BY A MUTUAL
FRIEND, ERIC IDLE.
[APPLAUSE]
FRIEND, ERIC IDLE.
[APPLAUSE]
ALL RIGHT, VICAR.
[APPLAUSE]
ALL RIGHT, VICAR.
FORMER HOST OF THE
ALL RIGHT, VICAR.
FORMER HOST OF THE
"SATURDAY NIGHT" SHOW.
FORMER HOST OF THE
"SATURDAY NIGHT" SHOW.
SO, I GUESS, IF YOU LOOK UP AT
"SATURDAY NIGHT" SHOW.
SO, I GUESS, IF YOU LOOK UP AT
YOUR MONITORS, WE'LL BE ABLE TO
SO, I GUESS, IF YOU LOOK UP AT
YOUR MONITORS, WE'LL BE ABLE TO
SEE GEORGE'S FILM.
YOUR MONITORS, WE'LL BE ABLE TO
SEE GEORGE'S FILM.
[INTRO TO "CRACKERBOX PALACE"
SEE GEORGE'S FILM.
[INTRO TO "CRACKERBOX PALACE"
PLAYS]
♪ I WAS SO YOUNG WHEN I WAS
BORN ♪
♪ MY EYES COULD NOT YET SEE ♪
BORN ♪
♪ MY EYES COULD NOT YET SEE ♪
♪ AND BY THE TIME OF MY FIRST
♪ MY EYES COULD NOT YET SEE ♪
♪ AND BY THE TIME OF MY FIRST
DAWN ♪
♪ AND BY THE TIME OF MY FIRST
DAWN ♪
♪ SOMEBODY HOLDING ME ♪
DAWN ♪
♪ SOMEBODY HOLDING ME ♪
♪ THEY SAID, "I WELCOME YOU TO
♪ SOMEBODY HOLDING ME ♪
♪ THEY SAID, "I WELCOME YOU TO
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ THEY SAID, "I WELCOME YOU TO
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU ♪
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU ♪
♪ YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN
♪ WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU ♪
♪ YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW
OUR LOVE IS TRUE" ♪
♪ WHILE GROWING UP
OR TRYING TO ♪
♪ NOT KNOWING WHERE TO START ♪
OR TRYING TO ♪
♪ NOT KNOWING WHERE TO START ♪
♪ I LOOKED AROUND FOR SOMEONE
♪ NOT KNOWING WHERE TO START ♪
♪ I LOOKED AROUND FOR SOMEONE
WHO MAY HELP REVEAL MY HEART ♪
♪ I LOOKED AROUND FOR SOMEONE
WHO MAY HELP REVEAL MY HEART ♪
♪ SOMEONE SAID, "WHILE YOU'RE A
WHO MAY HELP REVEAL MY HEART ♪
♪ SOMEONE SAID, "WHILE YOU'RE A
PART OF CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ SOMEONE SAID, "WHILE YOU'RE A
PART OF CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ DO WHAT THE REST ALL DO ♪
PART OF CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ DO WHAT THE REST ALL DO ♪
♪ OR FACE THE FACT THAT
♪ DO WHAT THE REST ALL DO ♪
♪ OR FACE THE FACT THAT
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ OR FACE THE FACT THAT
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ MAY HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE THAN
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ MAY HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE THAN
TO DEPORT YOU" ♪
♪ "AND WE WELCOME YOU TO
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU ♪
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU ♪
♪ YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN
♪ WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU ♪
♪ YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW
OUR LOVE IS TRUE" ♪
♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW
OUR LOVE IS TRUE" ♪
♪ IT'S TRUE, IT'S TRUE ♪
♪ SOME TIMES ARE GOOD ♪
♪ SOME TIMES ARE BAD ♪
♪ THAT'S ALL A PART OF LIFE ♪
♪ SOME TIMES ARE BAD ♪
♪ THAT'S ALL A PART OF LIFE ♪
♪ AND STANDING IN BETWEEN THEM
♪ THAT'S ALL A PART OF LIFE ♪
♪ AND STANDING IN BETWEEN THEM
ALL I MET A MR. GRIEF ♪
♪ AND STANDING IN BETWEEN THEM
ALL I MET A MR. GRIEF ♪
♪ AND HE SAID, "I WELCOME YOU TO
ALL I MET A MR. GRIEF ♪
♪ AND HE SAID, "I WELCOME YOU TO
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ AND HE SAID, "I WELCOME YOU TO
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ WAS NOT EXPECTING YOU ♪
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ WAS NOT EXPECTING YOU ♪
♪ LET'S RAP AND TAP AT
♪ WAS NOT EXPECTING YOU ♪
♪ LET'S RAP AND TAP AT
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ LET'S RAP AND TAP AT
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ KNOW THAT THE LORD IS WELL AND
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ KNOW THAT THE LORD IS WELL AND
INSIDE OF YOU" ♪
♪ KNOW THAT THE LORD IS WELL AND
INSIDE OF YOU" ♪
♪ "AND WE WELCOME YOU TO
INSIDE OF YOU" ♪
♪ "AND WE WELCOME YOU TO
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ "AND WE WELCOME YOU TO
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU ♪
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU ♪
♪ YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN
♪ WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU ♪
♪ YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW
OUR LOVE IS TRUE" ♪
♪ "YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW
OUR LOVE ♪
♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW
OUR LOVE ♪
♪ KNOW OUR LOVE IS TRUE" ♪
[APPLAUSE]
NOT MUCH IS KNOWN ABOUT
BILLY.
SOME SAID HE SPENT HIS CHILDHOOD
BILLY.
SOME SAID HE SPENT HIS CHILDHOOD
IN THE CANADIAN ROCKIES.
SOME SAID HE SPENT HIS CHILDHOOD
IN THE CANADIAN ROCKIES.
OTHERS SAID HE SPENT HIS EARLY
IN THE CANADIAN ROCKIES.
OTHERS SAID HE SPENT HIS EARLY
YEARS IN THE BAYOU COUNTRY.
OTHERS SAID HE SPENT HIS EARLY
YEARS IN THE BAYOU COUNTRY.
NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE.
YEARS IN THE BAYOU COUNTRY.
NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE.
I BELIEVE HE GREW UP IN
NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE.
I BELIEVE HE GREW UP IN
NEW YORK, IN QUEENS.
I BELIEVE HE GREW UP IN
NEW YORK, IN QUEENS.
AT 137-62 70th ROAD,
NEW YORK, IN QUEENS.
AT 137-62 70th ROAD,
NEAR MAIN STREET AND JEWEL
AT 137-62 70th ROAD,
NEAR MAIN STREET AND JEWEL
AVENUE.
NEAR MAIN STREET AND JEWEL
AVENUE.
YOU TAKE THE "D" TRAIN TO
AVENUE.
YOU TAKE THE "D" TRAIN TO
CONTINENTAL AVENUE, THEN YOU
YOU TAKE THE "D" TRAIN TO
CONTINENTAL AVENUE, THEN YOU
TAKE THE Q-14 BUSY TO MAIN
CONTINENTAL AVENUE, THEN YOU
TAKE THE Q-14 BUSY TO MAIN
STREET.
TAKE THE Q-14 BUSY TO MAIN
STREET.
NOT MUCH ELSE WAS KNOWN ABOUT
STREET.
NOT MUCH ELSE WAS KNOWN ABOUT
HIM.
NOT MUCH ELSE WAS KNOWN ABOUT
HIM.
HE JUST RODE INTO TOWN ONE DAY,
HIM.
HE JUST RODE INTO TOWN ONE DAY,
AND SAID...
HE JUST RODE INTO TOWN ONE DAY,
AND SAID...
I'M HERE TO HELP INDIANS,
AND SAID...
I'M HERE TO HELP INDIANS,
WILD HORSES, AND RUNAWAY KIDS OF
I'M HERE TO HELP INDIANS,
WILD HORSES, AND RUNAWAY KIDS OF
ALL RACES AND RELIGIONS.
WILD HORSES, AND RUNAWAY KIDS OF
ALL RACES AND RELIGIONS.
GOT ANY HERE?
ALL RACES AND RELIGIONS.
GOT ANY HERE?
THEY CALLED HIM A RENEGADE.
GOT ANY HERE?
THEY CALLED HIM A RENEGADE.
A RENEGADE?
THEY CALLED HIM A RENEGADE.
A RENEGADE?
YEAH. I AM A RENEGADE.
A RENEGADE?
YEAH. I AM A RENEGADE.
THERE WERE CERTAIN THINGS
YEAH. I AM A RENEGADE.
THERE WERE CERTAIN THINGS
THAT WERE KNOWN FOR SURE.
THERE WERE CERTAIN THINGS
THAT WERE KNOWN FOR SURE.
HE WAS A VIETNAM VET AND A BLACK
THAT WERE KNOWN FOR SURE.
HE WAS A VIETNAM VET AND A BLACK
BELT IN KARATE.
HE WAS A VIETNAM VET AND A BLACK
BELT IN KARATE.
THAT'S RIGHT. I AM.
BELT IN KARATE.
THAT'S RIGHT. I AM.
THEY SAID HE WAS A
THAT'S RIGHT. I AM.
THEY SAID HE WAS A
HALF-BREED.
THEY SAID HE WAS A
HALF-BREED.
THAT'S RIGHT. I WAS.
HALF-BREED.
THAT'S RIGHT. I WAS.
[LAUGHTER]
THAT'S RIGHT. I WAS.
[LAUGHTER]
HE LIVED ON THE INDIAN
[LAUGHTER]
HE LIVED ON THE INDIAN
RESERVATION WITH AN OLD INDIAN
HE LIVED ON THE INDIAN
RESERVATION WITH AN OLD INDIAN
MEDICINE MAN WHO TAUGHT HIM THE
RESERVATION WITH AN OLD INDIAN
MEDICINE MAN WHO TAUGHT HIM THE
SECRETS OF THE WORLD OF SNAKES.
MEDICINE MAN WHO TAUGHT HIM THE
SECRETS OF THE WORLD OF SNAKES.
I DO SPEND MOST OF
SECRETS OF THE WORLD OF SNAKES.
I DO SPEND MOST OF
MY TIME ON THE RESERVATION,
I DO SPEND MOST OF
MY TIME ON THE RESERVATION,
ALTHOUGH SOMETIMES I STAY AT THE
MY TIME ON THE RESERVATION,
ALTHOUGH SOMETIMES I STAY AT THE
HOWARD JOHNSON... FREE COFFEE IN
ALTHOUGH SOMETIMES I STAY AT THE
HOWARD JOHNSON... FREE COFFEE IN
YOUR ROOM, WITH THE CREMORA.
HOWARD JOHNSON... FREE COFFEE IN
YOUR ROOM, WITH THE CREMORA.
BUT ONE THING EVERYONE
YOUR ROOM, WITH THE CREMORA.
BUT ONE THING EVERYONE
KNEW... HE WAS THE DEADLIEST MAN
BUT ONE THING EVERYONE
KNEW... HE WAS THE DEADLIEST MAN
WITH HIS HANDS AND FEET THAT
KNEW... HE WAS THE DEADLIEST MAN
WITH HIS HANDS AND FEET THAT
THESE PARTS HAD EVER KNOWN.
WITH HIS HANDS AND FEET THAT
THESE PARTS HAD EVER KNOWN.
I AM PRETTY DEADLY.
THESE PARTS HAD EVER KNOWN.
I AM PRETTY DEADLY.
HIS NAME WAS BILLY PAUL.
I AM PRETTY DEADLY.
HIS NAME WAS BILLY PAUL.
NOT THE BILLY PAUL THAT RECORDED
HIS NAME WAS BILLY PAUL.
NOT THE BILLY PAUL THAT RECORDED
"ME AND MRS. JONES."
NOT THE BILLY PAUL THAT RECORDED
"ME AND MRS. JONES."
A LOT OF PEOPLE GET THEM
"ME AND MRS. JONES."
A LOT OF PEOPLE GET THEM
CONFUSED.
A LOT OF PEOPLE GET THEM
CONFUSED.
HE WAS ANOTHER BILLY PAUL.
CONFUSED.
HE WAS ANOTHER BILLY PAUL.
AND THIS IS HIS STORY.
FRENCH VANILLA?
SURE. THERE YOU GO.
THANK YOU.
SURE. THERE YOU GO.
THANK YOU.
HI, I'LL HAVE A DOUBLE
THANK YOU.
HI, I'LL HAVE A DOUBLE
SCOOP OF OREGON BLACKBERRY.
HI, I'LL HAVE A DOUBLE
SCOOP OF OREGON BLACKBERRY.
OKAY.
SCOOP OF OREGON BLACKBERRY.
OKAY.
I'LL HAVE A JAMOCHA ALMOND
OKAY.
I'LL HAVE A JAMOCHA ALMOND
FUDGE.
I'LL HAVE A JAMOCHA ALMOND
FUDGE.
WE DON'T HAVE ANY CONES LEFT.
FUDGE.
WE DON'T HAVE ANY CONES LEFT.
WELL, WHAT ARE THOSE?
WE DON'T HAVE ANY CONES LEFT.
WELL, WHAT ARE THOSE?
THEY'RE NOT FOR YOU,
WELL, WHAT ARE THOSE?
THEY'RE NOT FOR YOU,
FEATHERHEAD.
THEY'RE NOT FOR YOU,
FEATHERHEAD.
YOU ARE SO LOW!
FEATHERHEAD.
YOU ARE SO LOW!
OKAY, OKAY.
YOU ARE SO LOW!
OKAY, OKAY.
LET'S JUST NOT GET HEAVY HERE.
OKAY, OKAY.
LET'S JUST NOT GET HEAVY HERE.
NOW, LET'S JUST REMEMBER WHAT WE
LET'S JUST NOT GET HEAVY HERE.
NOW, LET'S JUST REMEMBER WHAT WE
TEACH AT THE SCHOOL, MAN.
NOW, LET'S JUST REMEMBER WHAT WE
TEACH AT THE SCHOOL, MAN.
LIKE, THIS GUY IS PUTTING OUT
TEACH AT THE SCHOOL, MAN.
LIKE, THIS GUY IS PUTTING OUT
HOSTILE VIBES TO YOU, OKAY?
LIKE, THIS GUY IS PUTTING OUT
HOSTILE VIBES TO YOU, OKAY?
BUT, LIKE, IF YOU LET THOSE
HOSTILE VIBES TO YOU, OKAY?
BUT, LIKE, IF YOU LET THOSE
HOSTILE VIBES, LIKE, GET TO YOU,
BUT, LIKE, IF YOU LET THOSE
HOSTILE VIBES, LIKE, GET TO YOU,
YOU KNOW?
HOSTILE VIBES, LIKE, GET TO YOU,
YOU KNOW?
LIKE, THEN, YOU GET AGGRESSIVE,
YOU KNOW?
LIKE, THEN, YOU GET AGGRESSIVE,
AND YOU'RE NO BETTER THAN HE IS,
LIKE, THEN, YOU GET AGGRESSIVE,
AND YOU'RE NO BETTER THAN HE IS,
MAN.
AND YOU'RE NO BETTER THAN HE IS,
MAN.
LIKE, WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO IS,
MAN.
LIKE, WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO IS,
LIKE, REACH REALLY, REALLY DEEP
LIKE, WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO IS,
LIKE, REACH REALLY, REALLY DEEP
INSIDE YOURSELF, MAN, AND, LIKE,
LIKE, REACH REALLY, REALLY DEEP
INSIDE YOURSELF, MAN, AND, LIKE,
PULL OUT ALL THE SUNSHINE AND
INSIDE YOURSELF, MAN, AND, LIKE,
PULL OUT ALL THE SUNSHINE AND
LIGHT THAT I KNOW THAT'S INSIDE
PULL OUT ALL THE SUNSHINE AND
LIGHT THAT I KNOW THAT'S INSIDE
YOU.
LIGHT THAT I KNOW THAT'S INSIDE
YOU.
LIKE, I KNOW THAT'S IN THERE.
YOU.
LIKE, I KNOW THAT'S IN THERE.
YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL.
LIKE, I KNOW THAT'S IN THERE.
YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL.
AND, LIKE, GIVE THAT POSITIVE
YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL.
AND, LIKE, GIVE THAT POSITIVE
ENERGY TO HIM, AND IT'LL
AND, LIKE, GIVE THAT POSITIVE
ENERGY TO HIM, AND IT'LL
OVERCOME HIS BAD KARMA.
ENERGY TO HIM, AND IT'LL
OVERCOME HIS BAD KARMA.
GIVE ME A BREAK!
OVERCOME HIS BAD KARMA.
GIVE ME A BREAK!
OH, LOOK, DON'T LISTEN
GIVE ME A BREAK!
OH, LOOK, DON'T LISTEN
TO HIM.
OH, LOOK, DON'T LISTEN
TO HIM.
JUST THINK OF EVERYTHING THAT'S
TO HIM.
JUST THINK OF EVERYTHING THAT'S
GOOD WITHIN YOU, AND GIVE IT TO
JUST THINK OF EVERYTHING THAT'S
GOOD WITHIN YOU, AND GIVE IT TO
HIM.
GOOD WITHIN YOU, AND GIVE IT TO
HIM.
LIKE, THINK CREATIVELY, EXPRESS
HIM.
LIKE, THINK CREATIVELY, EXPRESS
YOURSELF, DO ANYTHING, MAN.
LIKE, THINK CREATIVELY, EXPRESS
YOURSELF, DO ANYTHING, MAN.
OH, I KNOW.
YOURSELF, DO ANYTHING, MAN.
OH, I KNOW.
I'LL SING HIM A SONG.
OH, I KNOW.
I'LL SING HIM A SONG.
BEAUTIFUL!
I'LL SING HIM A SONG.
BEAUTIFUL!
THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL IDEA.
BEAUTIFUL!
THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL IDEA.
HIT IT.
THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL IDEA.
HIT IT.
[Off-key] ♪ YOU'RE NOT A
HIT IT.
[Off-key] ♪ YOU'RE NOT A
DREAM ♪
[Off-key] ♪ YOU'RE NOT A
DREAM ♪
♪ YOU'RE NOT AN ANGEL ♪
DREAM ♪
♪ YOU'RE NOT AN ANGEL ♪
♪ YOU'RE A MAN ♪
♪ YOU'RE NOT AN ANGEL ♪
♪ YOU'RE A MAN ♪
♪ I'M NOT A QUEEN ♪
♪ YOU'RE A MAN ♪
♪ I'M NOT A QUEEN ♪
♪ I'M A WOMAN ♪
♪ I'M NOT A QUEEN ♪
♪ I'M A WOMAN ♪
♪ TAKE MY HAND ♪
♪ I'M A WOMAN ♪
♪ TAKE MY HAND ♪
♪ MAKE A SPACE IN THE LIVES THAT
♪ TAKE MY HAND ♪
♪ MAKE A SPACE IN THE LIVES THAT
WE PLAN ♪
♪ MAKE A SPACE IN THE LIVES THAT
WE PLAN ♪
♪ AND HERE WE'LL STAY ♪
WE PLAN ♪
♪ AND HERE WE'LL STAY ♪
♪ UNTIL IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO
♪ AND HERE WE'LL STAY ♪
♪ UNTIL IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO
GO-O-O-O-O ♪
♪ UNTIL IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO
GO-O-O-O-O ♪
THAT'S REALLY BEAUTIFUL,
GO-O-O-O-O ♪
THAT'S REALLY BEAUTIFUL,
HONEY.
THAT'S REALLY BEAUTIFUL,
HONEY.
THAT'S REALLY BEAUTIFUL.
HONEY.
THAT'S REALLY BEAUTIFUL.
THANK YOU.
THAT'S REALLY BEAUTIFUL.
THANK YOU.
CAN I HAVE THAT CONE NOW?
THANK YOU.
CAN I HAVE THAT CONE NOW?
NO!
WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE TROUBLE,
LUKE?
OH, HI, BERNARD.
LUKE?
OH, HI, BERNARD.
THIS IS MY STORE, ISN'T IT?
OH, HI, BERNARD.
THIS IS MY STORE, ISN'T IT?
IT SURE IS.
THIS IS MY STORE, ISN'T IT?
IT SURE IS.
WELL, THAT MEANS THAT I DON'T
IT SURE IS.
WELL, THAT MEANS THAT I DON'T
HAVE TO SERVE ANYBODY I DON'T
WELL, THAT MEANS THAT I DON'T
HAVE TO SERVE ANYBODY I DON'T
WANT TO, RIGHT?
HAVE TO SERVE ANYBODY I DON'T
WANT TO, RIGHT?
THAT'S RIGHT.
WANT TO, RIGHT?
THAT'S RIGHT.
WELL, I WANT TO SERVE WHITES.
THAT'S RIGHT.
WELL, I WANT TO SERVE WHITES.
HEY, LUKE, WHERE'S THE FLOUR
WELL, I WANT TO SERVE WHITES.
HEY, LUKE, WHERE'S THE FLOUR
YOU KEEP AROUND TO DEGRADE ALL
HEY, LUKE, WHERE'S THE FLOUR
YOU KEEP AROUND TO DEGRADE ALL
MEMBERS OF THE NON-WHITE RACE?
YOU KEEP AROUND TO DEGRADE ALL
MEMBERS OF THE NON-WHITE RACE?
OVER THERE IN THE CORNER.
MEMBERS OF THE NON-WHITE RACE?
OVER THERE IN THE CORNER.
OH, YEAH. YEAH.
OVER THERE IN THE CORNER.
OH, YEAH. YEAH.
[CHUCKLING]
OH, YEAH. YEAH.
[CHUCKLING]
THERE.
[CHUCKLING]
THERE.
LOOK AT THAT LITTLE INDIAN BOY.
THERE.
LOOK AT THAT LITTLE INDIAN BOY.
UHH!
LOOK AT THAT LITTLE INDIAN BOY.
UHH!
AND LOOK AT THAT LITTLE
UHH!
AND LOOK AT THAT LITTLE
INDIAN GIRL.
AND LOOK AT THAT LITTLE
INDIAN GIRL.
THERE YOU GO.
INDIAN GIRL.
THERE YOU GO.
NOW YOU CAN SERVE THEM.
THERE YOU GO.
NOW YOU CAN SERVE THEM.
THEY'RE ALL WHITE, LUKE!
NOW YOU CAN SERVE THEM.
THEY'RE ALL WHITE, LUKE!
YOU WOULDN'T DO THIS IF
THEY'RE ALL WHITE, LUKE!
YOU WOULDN'T DO THIS IF
BILLY PAUL WAS HERE!
YOU WOULDN'T DO THIS IF
BILLY PAUL WAS HERE!
[Mockingly] "YOU WOULDN'T
BILLY PAUL WAS HERE!
[Mockingly] "YOU WOULDN'T
DO THIS IF BILLY PAUL WERE
[Mockingly] "YOU WOULDN'T
DO THIS IF BILLY PAUL WERE
HERE!"
DO THIS IF BILLY PAUL WERE
HERE!"
WELL, WHERE'S BILLY PAUL NOW,
HERE!"
WELL, WHERE'S BILLY PAUL NOW,
HUH?
WELL, WHERE'S BILLY PAUL NOW,
HUH?
HE'S UNDERGOING A SACRED
HUH?
HE'S UNDERGOING A SACRED
INDIAN RITUAL IN WHICH HE
HE'S UNDERGOING A SACRED
INDIAN RITUAL IN WHICH HE
GETS BITTEN ON THE ANKLES
INDIAN RITUAL IN WHICH HE
GETS BITTEN ON THE ANKLES
REPEATEDLY BY POISONOUS
GETS BITTEN ON THE ANKLES
REPEATEDLY BY POISONOUS
RATTLESNAKES, AND THEN HE HAS TO
REPEATEDLY BY POISONOUS
RATTLESNAKES, AND THEN HE HAS TO
DANCE, AND THEN HE GETS BITTEN
RATTLESNAKES, AND THEN HE HAS TO
DANCE, AND THEN HE GETS BITTEN
REPEATEDLY SOME MORE BY SOME
DANCE, AND THEN HE GETS BITTEN
REPEATEDLY SOME MORE BY SOME
MORE RATTLESNAKES, THEN HE HAS
REPEATEDLY SOME MORE BY SOME
MORE RATTLESNAKES, THEN HE HAS
TO DANCE SOME MORE.
MORE RATTLESNAKES, THEN HE HAS
TO DANCE SOME MORE.
[COUGHS]
TO DANCE SOME MORE.
[COUGHS]
WHAT'S THE POINT OF
[COUGHS]
WHAT'S THE POINT OF
THE CEREMONY?
WHAT'S THE POINT OF
THE CEREMONY?
SO THE GREAT SPIRIT CAN SEE
THE CEREMONY?
SO THE GREAT SPIRIT CAN SEE
HOW GOOD A DANCER HE IS.
SO THE GREAT SPIRIT CAN SEE
HOW GOOD A DANCER HE IS.
[SCOFFS]
HOW GOOD A DANCER HE IS.
[SCOFFS]
[LAUGHTER]
[SCOFFS]
[LAUGHTER]
I'M HERE TO HELP INDIANS AND
[LAUGHTER]
I'M HERE TO HELP INDIANS AND
WILD HORSES AND RUNAWAY KIDS OF
I'M HERE TO HELP INDIANS AND
WILD HORSES AND RUNAWAY KIDS OF
ALL RACES AND RELIGIONS.
WILD HORSES AND RUNAWAY KIDS OF
ALL RACES AND RELIGIONS.
DON'T YOU TOUCH ME,
ALL RACES AND RELIGIONS.
DON'T YOU TOUCH ME,
BILLY PAUL!
DON'T YOU TOUCH ME,
BILLY PAUL!
I'LL CALL MY FATHER!
BILLY PAUL!
I'LL CALL MY FATHER!
IF YOU TOUCH ME, YOU'RE A DEAD
I'LL CALL MY FATHER!
IF YOU TOUCH ME, YOU'RE A DEAD
MAN, BILLY PAUL!
IF YOU TOUCH ME, YOU'RE A DEAD
MAN, BILLY PAUL!
OH, MY GOD, BERNARD.
MAN, BILLY PAUL!
OH, MY GOD, BERNARD.
LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE.
YOU KNOW, JEANIE AND THE KIDS
AT SCHOOL, THEY ALL TELL ME TO
TRY AND CONTROL MY TEMPER.
AT SCHOOL, THEY ALL TELL ME TO
TRY AND CONTROL MY TEMPER.
THEY TELL ME TO TRY AND BE
TRY AND CONTROL MY TEMPER.
THEY TELL ME TO TRY AND BE
NONVIOLENT.
THEY TELL ME TO TRY AND BE
NONVIOLENT.
AND I TRY, BERNARD.
NONVIOLENT.
AND I TRY, BERNARD.
HONEST TO GOD, I TRY.
AND I TRY, BERNARD.
HONEST TO GOD, I TRY.
BUT WHEN I LOOK AT THIS GIRL...
HONEST TO GOD, I TRY.
BUT WHEN I LOOK AT THIS GIRL...
THIS BEAUTIFUL FLOWER...
BUT WHEN I LOOK AT THIS GIRL...
THIS BEAUTIFUL FLOWER...
THIS INNOCENT CHILD...
THIS BEAUTIFUL FLOWER...
THIS INNOCENT CHILD...
AND WHEN I THINK THAT SHE WILL
THIS INNOCENT CHILD...
AND WHEN I THINK THAT SHE WILL
CARRY WITH HER THE MEMORY OF
AND WHEN I THINK THAT SHE WILL
CARRY WITH HER THE MEMORY OF
THIS HUMILIATION, EVERY SINGLE
CARRY WITH HER THE MEMORY OF
THIS HUMILIATION, EVERY SINGLE
DAY OF HER LIFE, I JUST GO
THIS HUMILIATION, EVERY SINGLE
DAY OF HER LIFE, I JUST GO
BERSERK!
DAY OF HER LIFE, I JUST GO
BERSERK!
UH...
BERSERK!
UH...
HEY, BILLY PAUL, UH...
UH...
HEY, BILLY PAUL, UH...
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE A COUPLE OF
HEY, BILLY PAUL, UH...
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE A COUPLE OF
SCOOPS OF ROCKY ROAD?
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE A COUPLE OF
SCOOPS OF ROCKY ROAD?
UH...
SCOOPS OF ROCKY ROAD?
UH...
OR MAYBE SOME BANANA BUNDT
UH...
OR MAYBE SOME BANANA BUNDT
OR SOME, UH, ALMOND MOCHA?
OR MAYBE SOME BANANA BUNDT
OR SOME, UH, ALMOND MOCHA?
I WANT A TRIPLE CONE.
OR SOME, UH, ALMOND MOCHA?
I WANT A TRIPLE CONE.
STRAWBERRY, CHOCOLATE...
I WANT A TRIPLE CONE.
STRAWBERRY, CHOCOLATE...
ARE YOU LISTENING?
STRAWBERRY, CHOCOLATE...
ARE YOU LISTENING?
STRAWBERRY, CHOCOLATE, AND
ARE YOU LISTENING?
STRAWBERRY, CHOCOLATE, AND
VANILLA.
STRAWBERRY, CHOCOLATE, AND
VANILLA.
THAT'S RED, BLACK, AND WHITE,
VANILLA.
THAT'S RED, BLACK, AND WHITE,
TOGETHER.
THAT'S RED, BLACK, AND WHITE,
TOGETHER.
IF ONLY THE WORLD COULD GET
TOGETHER.
IF ONLY THE WORLD COULD GET
ALONG AS WELL AS THIS ICE CREAM
IF ONLY THE WORLD COULD GET
ALONG AS WELL AS THIS ICE CREAM
CONE, BILLY PAUL WOULDN'T HAVE
ALONG AS WELL AS THIS ICE CREAM
CONE, BILLY PAUL WOULDN'T HAVE
TO KILL SO MANY PEOPLE.
CONE, BILLY PAUL WOULDN'T HAVE
TO KILL SO MANY PEOPLE.
♪ GO AHEAD AND HATE YOUR
TO KILL SO MANY PEOPLE.
♪ GO AHEAD AND HATE YOUR
NEIGHBOR ♪
♪ GO AHEAD AND HATE YOUR
NEIGHBOR ♪
♪ GO AHEAD AND CHEAT A FRIEND ♪
NEIGHBOR ♪
♪ GO AHEAD AND CHEAT A FRIEND ♪
♪ DO IT IN THE NAME OF HEAVEN ♪
♪ GO AHEAD AND CHEAT A FRIEND ♪
♪ DO IT IN THE NAME OF HEAVEN ♪
♪ YOU CAN JUSTIFY IT IN THE
♪ DO IT IN THE NAME OF HEAVEN ♪
♪ YOU CAN JUSTIFY IT IN THE
END ♪
♪ YOU CAN JUSTIFY IT IN THE
END ♪
♪ THERE WON'T BE ANY TRUMPETS
END ♪
♪ THERE WON'T BE ANY TRUMPETS
BLOWING ♪
♪ THERE WON'T BE ANY TRUMPETS
BLOWING ♪
♪ COME THE JUDGMENT DAY ♪
BLOWING ♪
♪ COME THE JUDGMENT DAY ♪
♪ ON THE BLOODY MORNING AFTER ♪
♪ COME THE JUDGMENT DAY ♪
♪ ON THE BLOODY MORNING AFTER ♪
♪ ONE TIN SOLDIER RIDES AWAY ♪
[INTRO TO "SOMETHING SO RIGHT"
PLAYS]
♪ YOU GOT THE COOL WATER ♪
♪ WHEN THE FEVER RUNS HIGH ♪
♪ YOU GOT THE LOOK OF LOVE LIGHT
♪ WHEN THE FEVER RUNS HIGH ♪
♪ YOU GOT THE LOOK OF LOVE LIGHT
IN YOUR EYES ♪
♪ YOU GOT THE LOOK OF LOVE LIGHT
IN YOUR EYES ♪
♪ AND I WAS IN CRAZY MOTION ♪
IN YOUR EYES ♪
♪ AND I WAS IN CRAZY MOTION ♪
♪ TILL YOU CALMED ME DOWN ♪
♪ AND I WAS IN CRAZY MOTION ♪
♪ TILL YOU CALMED ME DOWN ♪
♪ IT TOOK A LITTLE TIME ♪
♪ TILL YOU CALMED ME DOWN ♪
♪ IT TOOK A LITTLE TIME ♪
♪ BUT YOU CALMED ME DOWN ♪
♪ IT TOOK A LITTLE TIME ♪
♪ BUT YOU CALMED ME DOWN ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG ♪
♪ BUT YOU CALMED ME DOWN ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG ♪
♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG ♪
♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ AND THE LAST ONE TO KNOW ♪
♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ AND THE LAST ONE TO KNOW ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES RIGHT ♪
♪ AND THE LAST ONE TO KNOW ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES RIGHT ♪
♪ OH, IT'S LIKELY TO LOSE ME,
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES RIGHT ♪
♪ OH, IT'S LIKELY TO LOSE ME,
MMM ♪
♪ OH, IT'S LIKELY TO LOSE ME,
MMM ♪
♪ IT'S APT TO CONFUSE ME ♪
MMM ♪
♪ IT'S APT TO CONFUSE ME ♪
♪ IT'S SUCH AN UNUSUAL SIGHT ♪
♪ IT'S APT TO CONFUSE ME ♪
♪ IT'S SUCH AN UNUSUAL SIGHT ♪
♪ OH, I CAN'T, I CAN'T GET USED
♪ IT'S SUCH AN UNUSUAL SIGHT ♪
♪ OH, I CAN'T, I CAN'T GET USED
TO SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪
♪ OH, I CAN'T, I CAN'T GET USED
TO SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪
♪ SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪
♪ THEY'VE GOT A WALL IN CHINA ♪
♪ IT'S A THOUSAND MILES LONG ♪
♪ TO KEEP OUT THE FOREIGNERS,
♪ IT'S A THOUSAND MILES LONG ♪
♪ TO KEEP OUT THE FOREIGNERS,
THEY MADE IT STRONG ♪
♪ TO KEEP OUT THE FOREIGNERS,
THEY MADE IT STRONG ♪
♪ AND I'VE GOT A WALL AROUND ME
THEY MADE IT STRONG ♪
♪ AND I'VE GOT A WALL AROUND ME
THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE ♪
♪ AND I'VE GOT A WALL AROUND ME
THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE ♪
♪ IT TOOK A LITTLE TIME, YEAH,
THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE ♪
♪ IT TOOK A LITTLE TIME, YEAH,
TO GET NEXT TO ME ♪
♪ IT TOOK A LITTLE TIME, YEAH,
TO GET NEXT TO ME ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG ♪
TO GET NEXT TO ME ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG ♪
♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG ♪
♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ THE LAST ONE TO KNOW ♪
♪ THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ THE LAST ONE TO KNOW ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES RIGHT ♪
♪ THE LAST ONE TO KNOW ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES RIGHT ♪
♪ OH, IT'S LIKELY TO LOSE ME,
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES RIGHT ♪
♪ OH, IT'S LIKELY TO LOSE ME,
OH ♪
♪ OH, IT'S LIKELY TO LOSE ME,
OH ♪
♪ IT'S APT TO CONFUSE ME ♪
OH ♪
♪ IT'S APT TO CONFUSE ME ♪
♪ BECAUSE IT'S SUCH AN UNUSUAL
♪ IT'S APT TO CONFUSE ME ♪
♪ BECAUSE IT'S SUCH AN UNUSUAL
SIGHT ♪
♪ BECAUSE IT'S SUCH AN UNUSUAL
SIGHT ♪
♪ OH, I SWEAR, I CAN'T GET USED
SIGHT ♪
♪ OH, I SWEAR, I CAN'T GET USED
TO SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪
♪ OH, I SWEAR, I CAN'T GET USED
TO SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪
♪ SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪
TO SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪
♪ SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪
♪ SOME PEOPLE NEVER SAY THE
♪ SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪
♪ SOME PEOPLE NEVER SAY THE
WORDS "I LOVE YOU" ♪
♪ SOME PEOPLE NEVER SAY THE
WORDS "I LOVE YOU" ♪
♪ IT'S NOT THEIR STYLE
WORDS "I LOVE YOU" ♪
♪ IT'S NOT THEIR STYLE
TO BE SO BOLD ♪
♪ IT'S NOT THEIR STYLE
TO BE SO BOLD ♪
♪ SOME PEOPLE NEVER SAY THOSE
TO BE SO BOLD ♪
♪ SOME PEOPLE NEVER SAY THOSE
WORDS "I LOVE YOU" ♪
♪ SOME PEOPLE NEVER SAY THOSE
WORDS "I LOVE YOU" ♪
♪ BUT LIKE A CHILD, THEY'RE
WORDS "I LOVE YOU" ♪
♪ BUT LIKE A CHILD, THEY'RE
LONGING TO BE TO-O-LD ♪
♪ BUT LIKE A CHILD, THEY'RE
LONGING TO BE TO-O-LD ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG ♪
LONGING TO BE TO-O-LD ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG ♪
♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG ♪
♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ AND THE LAST ONE TO KNOW ♪
♪ THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ AND THE LAST ONE TO KNOW ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES RIGHT ♪
♪ AND THE LAST ONE TO KNOW ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES RIGHT ♪
♪ WELL, IT'S LIKELY TO LOSE ME,
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES RIGHT ♪
♪ WELL, IT'S LIKELY TO LOSE ME,
OH ♪
♪ WELL, IT'S LIKELY TO LOSE ME,
OH ♪
♪ IT'S APT TO CONFUSE ME ♪
OH ♪
♪ IT'S APT TO CONFUSE ME ♪
♪ BEING IT'S SUCH AN UNUSUAL
♪ IT'S APT TO CONFUSE ME ♪
♪ BEING IT'S SUCH AN UNUSUAL
SIGHT ♪
♪ BEING IT'S SUCH AN UNUSUAL
SIGHT ♪
♪ OH, I SWEAR, I CAN'T GET USED
SIGHT ♪
♪ OH, I SWEAR, I CAN'T GET USED
TO SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪
♪ OH, I SWEAR, I CAN'T GET USED
TO SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪
♪ OH, OH, SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪
TO SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪
♪ OH, OH, SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
♪ WELL, I PULLED OUT OF
PITTSBURGH ♪
♪ WELL, I PULLED OUT OF
PITTSBURGH ♪
♪ ROLLIN' DOWN THAT EASTERN
PITTSBURGH ♪
♪ ROLLIN' DOWN THAT EASTERN
SEABOARD ♪
♪ ROLLIN' DOWN THAT EASTERN
SEABOARD ♪
♪ I GOT MY DIESEL WOUND UP, AND
SEABOARD ♪
♪ I GOT MY DIESEL WOUND UP, AND
SHE'S A-RUNNIN' LIKE NEVER
♪ I GOT MY DIESEL WOUND UP, AND
SHE'S A-RUNNIN' LIKE NEVER
BEFORE ♪
SHE'S A-RUNNIN' LIKE NEVER
BEFORE ♪
♪ THERE'S A SPEED ZONE
BEFORE ♪
♪ THERE'S A SPEED ZONE
AHEAD, ALL RIGHT... ♪
♪ THERE'S A SPEED ZONE
AHEAD, ALL RIGHT... ♪
HELLO, EVERYBODY, AND
AHEAD, ALL RIGHT... ♪
HELLO, EVERYBODY, AND
WELCOME.
HELLO, EVERYBODY, AND
WELCOME.
AS YOU GATHERED FROM THE FILM
WELCOME.
AS YOU GATHERED FROM THE FILM
CLIP OFF THE TOP OF THE SHOW,
AS YOU GATHERED FROM THE FILM
CLIP OFF THE TOP OF THE SHOW,
WE'RE GONNA BE DOING A SHOW
CLIP OFF THE TOP OF THE SHOW,
WE'RE GONNA BE DOING A SHOW
ABOUT TRUCKS AND TRUCKERS
WE'RE GONNA BE DOING A SHOW
ABOUT TRUCKS AND TRUCKERS
TONIGHT, AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY
ABOUT TRUCKS AND TRUCKERS
TONIGHT, AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY
IT.
TONIGHT, AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY
IT.
I'D LIKE TO SAY, UH, AT THE
IT.
I'D LIKE TO SAY, UH, AT THE
OUTSET...
I'D LIKE TO SAY, UH, AT THE
OUTSET...
[APPLAUSE]
OUTSET...
[APPLAUSE]
OF THE PROGRAM THAT WE HAD
[APPLAUSE]
OF THE PROGRAM THAT WE HAD
SUCH A GOOD TIME IN ENGLAND,
OF THE PROGRAM THAT WE HAD
SUCH A GOOD TIME IN ENGLAND,
WE'RE GONNA TRY TO GET BACK
SUCH A GOOD TIME IN ENGLAND,
WE'RE GONNA TRY TO GET BACK
THERE.
WE'RE GONNA TRY TO GET BACK
THERE.
AT LEAST, I'M GONNA TRY TO GET
THERE.
AT LEAST, I'M GONNA TRY TO GET
BACK THERE.
AT LEAST, I'M GONNA TRY TO GET
BACK THERE.
WHETHER THE PRODUCTION CREW CAN
BACK THERE.
WHETHER THE PRODUCTION CREW CAN
COME WITH ME, THAT'S ANOTHER
WHETHER THE PRODUCTION CREW CAN
COME WITH ME, THAT'S ANOTHER
MATTER, AND ONE THAT WILL BE
COME WITH ME, THAT'S ANOTHER
MATTER, AND ONE THAT WILL BE
DECIDED UPSTAIRS AT THE RCA
MATTER, AND ONE THAT WILL BE
DECIDED UPSTAIRS AT THE RCA
BUILDING, OR ACTUALLY
DECIDED UPSTAIRS AT THE RCA
BUILDING, OR ACTUALLY
DOWNSTAIRS.
BUILDING, OR ACTUALLY
DOWNSTAIRS.
IF YOU KNOW THE RCA BUILDING, WE
DOWNSTAIRS.
IF YOU KNOW THE RCA BUILDING, WE
TAPE ON 6 AND THE EXECUTIVE
IF YOU KNOW THE RCA BUILDING, WE
TAPE ON 6 AND THE EXECUTIVE
OFFICES ARE ON 4.
TAPE ON 6 AND THE EXECUTIVE
OFFICES ARE ON 4.
HA HA HA.
OFFICES ARE ON 4.
HA HA HA.
[LAUGHTER]
HA HA HA.
[LAUGHTER]
WE'RE TALKING TONIGHT WITH
[LAUGHTER]
WE'RE TALKING TONIGHT WITH
MR. PAUL SIMON.
WE'RE TALKING TONIGHT WITH
MR. PAUL SIMON.
HE'S HEAD OF THE EASTERN
MR. PAUL SIMON.
HE'S HEAD OF THE EASTERN
SEABOARD CHAPTER OF THE
HE'S HEAD OF THE EASTERN
SEABOARD CHAPTER OF THE
INDEPENDENT TRUCKERS ASSOCIATION
SEABOARD CHAPTER OF THE
INDEPENDENT TRUCKERS ASSOCIATION
OF AMERICA.
INDEPENDENT TRUCKERS ASSOCIATION
OF AMERICA.
MR. SIMON, THE GYPSY TRUCKER'S A
OF AMERICA.
MR. SIMON, THE GYPSY TRUCKER'S A
HARDWORKING MAN, AND I WANT TO
MR. SIMON, THE GYPSY TRUCKER'S A
HARDWORKING MAN, AND I WANT TO
ASK YOU, SIR, YOU PUSH A RIG 24
HARDWORKING MAN, AND I WANT TO
ASK YOU, SIR, YOU PUSH A RIG 24
HOURS A DAY.
ASK YOU, SIR, YOU PUSH A RIG 24
HOURS A DAY.
DO YOU HAVE A RATE SET PER
HOURS A DAY.
DO YOU HAVE A RATE SET PER
MILEAGE, AND WELL, HOW THE HELL
DO YOU HAVE A RATE SET PER
MILEAGE, AND WELL, HOW THE HELL
DO YOU DO IT, SIR?
MILEAGE, AND WELL, HOW THE HELL
DO YOU DO IT, SIR?
LET ME JUST START OFF BY
DO YOU DO IT, SIR?
LET ME JUST START OFF BY
SAYING THAT I AM NOT AN
LET ME JUST START OFF BY
SAYING THAT I AM NOT AN
INDEPENDENT TRUCKER.
SAYING THAT I AM NOT AN
INDEPENDENT TRUCKER.
I MEAN, I NEVER DROVE A TRUCK.
INDEPENDENT TRUCKER.
I MEAN, I NEVER DROVE A TRUCK.
UH...
I MEAN, I NEVER DROVE A TRUCK.
UH...
MY NAME IS PAUL SIMON, BUT
UH...
MY NAME IS PAUL SIMON, BUT
I'M A SONGWRITER.
MY NAME IS PAUL SIMON, BUT
I'M A SONGWRITER.
I'M NOT A TRUCKER.
I'M A SONGWRITER.
I'M NOT A TRUCKER.
YOU'RE PAUL SIMON AND YOU'RE
I'M NOT A TRUCKER.
YOU'RE PAUL SIMON AND YOU'RE
A SONGWRITER, BUT YOU WROTE THE
YOU'RE PAUL SIMON AND YOU'RE
A SONGWRITER, BUT YOU WROTE THE
TRUCKING SONG WE HEARD OFF THE
A SONGWRITER, BUT YOU WROTE THE
TRUCKING SONG WE HEARD OFF THE
TOP OF THE SHOW.
TRUCKING SONG WE HEARD OFF THE
TOP OF THE SHOW.
IS THAT CORRECT?
TOP OF THE SHOW.
IS THAT CORRECT?
NO. NO, I...
IS THAT CORRECT?
NO. NO, I...
BUT YOU DO WRITE SONGS ABOUT
NO. NO, I...
BUT YOU DO WRITE SONGS ABOUT
TRUCKS AND TRUCKERS.
BUT YOU DO WRITE SONGS ABOUT
TRUCKS AND TRUCKERS.
NO, I'VE NEVER WRITTEN A SONG
TRUCKS AND TRUCKERS.
NO, I'VE NEVER WRITTEN A SONG
ABOUT A TRUCK OR TRUCKERS.
NO, I'VE NEVER WRITTEN A SONG
ABOUT A TRUCK OR TRUCKERS.
ALL RIGHT, SIR.
ABOUT A TRUCK OR TRUCKERS.
ALL RIGHT, SIR.
SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE, I
ALL RIGHT, SIR.
SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE, I
GUESS I MADE A MISTAKE OR MY
SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE, I
GUESS I MADE A MISTAKE OR MY
STAFF HAS MADE A MISTAKE, AND,
GUESS I MADE A MISTAKE OR MY
STAFF HAS MADE A MISTAKE, AND,
WELL, WHEN I HEARD THAT WE'D
STAFF HAS MADE A MISTAKE, AND,
WELL, WHEN I HEARD THAT WE'D
BOOKED PAUL SIMON, I ASSUMED
WELL, WHEN I HEARD THAT WE'D
BOOKED PAUL SIMON, I ASSUMED
THAT IT WAS A MR. SIMON THAT
BOOKED PAUL SIMON, I ASSUMED
THAT IT WAS A MR. SIMON THAT
WE'D INTERVIEWED BEFORE FROM THE
THAT IT WAS A MR. SIMON THAT
WE'D INTERVIEWED BEFORE FROM THE
I.T.A.
WE'D INTERVIEWED BEFORE FROM THE
I.T.A.
YOU'RE NOT THAT PAUL SIMON.
I.T.A.
YOU'RE NOT THAT PAUL SIMON.
YOU'RE PAUL SIMON THE WRITER,
YOU'RE NOT THAT PAUL SIMON.
YOU'RE PAUL SIMON THE WRITER,
AND NOW THAT I KNOW WHO YOU ARE,
YOU'RE PAUL SIMON THE WRITER,
AND NOW THAT I KNOW WHO YOU ARE,
AND YOU KNOW THAT I KNOW WHO YOU
AND NOW THAT I KNOW WHO YOU ARE,
AND YOU KNOW THAT I KNOW WHO YOU
ARE, MY FIRST QUESTION TO YOU,
AND YOU KNOW THAT I KNOW WHO YOU
ARE, MY FIRST QUESTION TO YOU,
SIR, WOULD BE, HOW THE HECK DO
ARE, MY FIRST QUESTION TO YOU,
SIR, WOULD BE, HOW THE HECK DO
YOU DO IT?
SIR, WOULD BE, HOW THE HECK DO
YOU DO IT?
YOU HAVE AN ENDLESS STRING OF
YOU DO IT?
YOU HAVE AN ENDLESS STRING OF
HITS... "BAREFOOT IN THE PARK,"
YOU HAVE AN ENDLESS STRING OF
HITS... "BAREFOOT IN THE PARK,"
"THE ODD COUPLE," UH...
HITS... "BAREFOOT IN THE PARK,"
"THE ODD COUPLE," UH...
"STAR-SPANGLED GIRL,"
"THE ODD COUPLE," UH...
"STAR-SPANGLED GIRL,"
"CALIFORNIA SUITE"... WHICH,
"STAR-SPANGLED GIRL,"
"CALIFORNIA SUITE"... WHICH,
INCIDENTALLY, I SAW IN
"CALIFORNIA SUITE"... WHICH,
INCIDENTALLY, I SAW IN
CALIFORNIA AND I SAW IN
INCIDENTALLY, I SAW IN
CALIFORNIA AND I SAW IN
NEW YORK, AND I LIKED THE
CALIFORNIA AND I SAW IN
NEW YORK, AND I LIKED THE
NEW YORK PRODUCTION A LOT
NEW YORK, AND I LIKED THE
NEW YORK PRODUCTION A LOT
BETTER.
NEW YORK PRODUCTION A LOT
BETTER.
HOW DO YOU KEEP COMING UP WITH
BETTER.
HOW DO YOU KEEP COMING UP WITH
THEM?
HOW DO YOU KEEP COMING UP WITH
THEM?
UH, WELL, I DON'T ACTUALLY.
THEM?
UH, WELL, I DON'T ACTUALLY.
THAT'S NEIL SIMON.
UH, WELL, I DON'T ACTUALLY.
THAT'S NEIL SIMON.
PLAYS, MO...
THAT'S NEIL SIMON.
PLAYS, MO...
I THINK YOU'RE THINKING OF
PLAYS, MO...
I THINK YOU'RE THINKING OF
NEIL SIMON, AREN'T YOU, THE
I THINK YOU'RE THINKING OF
NEIL SIMON, AREN'T YOU, THE
PLAYWRIGHT?
NEIL SIMON, AREN'T YOU, THE
PLAYWRIGHT?
NEIL SIMON.
PLAYWRIGHT?
NEIL SIMON.
AND YOU'RE PAUL SIMON.
NEIL SIMON.
AND YOU'RE PAUL SIMON.
SO, YOU'D BE A RELATION TO HIM,
AND YOU'RE PAUL SIMON.
SO, YOU'D BE A RELATION TO HIM,
AND THAT'S WHY YOU'RE HERE...
SO, YOU'D BE A RELATION TO HIM,
AND THAT'S WHY YOU'RE HERE...
NO. NO RELATION.
AND THAT'S WHY YOU'RE HERE...
NO. NO RELATION.
WELL, SIR, THEN, AT THIS
NO. NO RELATION.
WELL, SIR, THEN, AT THIS
POINT, LET ME ASK YOU, WHAT
WELL, SIR, THEN, AT THIS
POINT, LET ME ASK YOU, WHAT
EXACTLY DO YOU DO?
POINT, LET ME ASK YOU, WHAT
EXACTLY DO YOU DO?
WELL, I WAS UNDER THE
EXACTLY DO YOU DO?
WELL, I WAS UNDER THE
IMPRESSION THAT YOU INVITED ME
WELL, I WAS UNDER THE
IMPRESSION THAT YOU INVITED ME
ON THE SHOW, I MEAN, TO TALK
IMPRESSION THAT YOU INVITED ME
ON THE SHOW, I MEAN, TO TALK
ABOUT A BENEFIT THAT I'M ABOUT
ON THE SHOW, I MEAN, TO TALK
ABOUT A BENEFIT THAT I'M ABOUT
TO DO AT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN
ABOUT A BENEFIT THAT I'M ABOUT
TO DO AT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN
FOR THE AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES
TO DO AT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN
FOR THE AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES
UNION.
FOR THE AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES
UNION.
AH.
UNION.
AH.
THE AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES
AH.
THE AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES
UNION.
THE AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES
UNION.
I THOUGHT YOU KNEW THAT.
UNION.
I THOUGHT YOU KNEW THAT.
YOU'RE A SONGWRITER, AND YOU,
I THOUGHT YOU KNEW THAT.
YOU'RE A SONGWRITER, AND YOU,
WELL, NOW I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
YOU'RE A SONGWRITER, AND YOU,
WELL, NOW I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
LET ME ASK YOU THIS QUESTION.
WELL, NOW I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
LET ME ASK YOU THIS QUESTION.
AS AN ENGLISHMAN LIVING IN THIS
LET ME ASK YOU THIS QUESTION.
AS AN ENGLISHMAN LIVING IN THIS
COUNTRY WHO'S BEEN HAVING
AS AN ENGLISHMAN LIVING IN THIS
COUNTRY WHO'S BEEN HAVING
TROUBLE WITH IMMIGRATION, I
COUNTRY WHO'S BEEN HAVING
TROUBLE WITH IMMIGRATION, I
GUESS YOU'RE PRETTY HAPPY AT THE
TROUBLE WITH IMMIGRATION, I
GUESS YOU'RE PRETTY HAPPY AT THE
WAY THINGS TURNED OUT.
GUESS YOU'RE PRETTY HAPPY AT THE
WAY THINGS TURNED OUT.
YEAH, WELL, THEY'RE NOT
WAY THINGS TURNED OUT.
YEAH, WELL, THEY'RE NOT
BOTHERING ME, SINCE I WAS BORN
YEAH, WELL, THEY'RE NOT
BOTHERING ME, SINCE I WAS BORN
IN NEWARK.
BOTHERING ME, SINCE I WAS BORN
IN NEWARK.
YOU KNOW, THINGS HAVE BEEN GOING
IN NEWARK.
YOU KNOW, THINGS HAVE BEEN GOING
ALL RIGHT.
YOU KNOW, THINGS HAVE BEEN GOING
ALL RIGHT.
BUT YOU LIVE IN NEW YORK, AND
ALL RIGHT.
BUT YOU LIVE IN NEW YORK, AND
YOU DO HAVE A JAPANESE WIFE.
BUT YOU LIVE IN NEW YORK, AND
YOU DO HAVE A JAPANESE WIFE.
I DON'T HAVE A JAPANESE WIFE.
YOU DO HAVE A JAPANESE WIFE.
I DON'T HAVE A JAPANESE WIFE.
COME ON, NOW.
I DON'T HAVE A JAPANESE WIFE.
COME ON, NOW.
ONE OF YOU HAS A JAPANESE WIFE.
COME ON, NOW.
ONE OF YOU HAS A JAPANESE WIFE.
HA HA HA.
ONE OF YOU HAS A JAPANESE WIFE.
HA HA HA.
LOOK, UH...
HA HA HA.
LOOK, UH...
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
LOOK, UH...
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I WAS INVITED ON THIS SHOW...
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I WAS INVITED ON THIS SHOW...
AND IT'S OBVIOUS TO ME THAT YOU
I WAS INVITED ON THIS SHOW...
AND IT'S OBVIOUS TO ME THAT YOU
DON'T KNOW WHO OR WHAT I AM.
AND IT'S OBVIOUS TO ME THAT YOU
DON'T KNOW WHO OR WHAT I AM.
I'VE NEVER EVEN SEEN YOUR SHOW.
DON'T KNOW WHO OR WHAT I AM.
I'VE NEVER EVEN SEEN YOUR SHOW.
I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE, SO I'LL
I'VE NEVER EVEN SEEN YOUR SHOW.
I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE, SO I'LL
JUST BE SAYING GOOD NIGHT, THEN.
I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE, SO I'LL
JUST BE SAYING GOOD NIGHT, THEN.
UH, YEAH. GOOD NIGHT.
JUST BE SAYING GOOD NIGHT, THEN.
UH, YEAH. GOOD NIGHT.
WELL, SIR, FINE.
UH, YEAH. GOOD NIGHT.
WELL, SIR, FINE.
IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU FEEL, I
WELL, SIR, FINE.
IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU FEEL, I
CAN RESPECT THAT.
IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU FEEL, I
CAN RESPECT THAT.
I CAN RESPECT ANY MAN'S
CAN RESPECT THAT.
I CAN RESPECT ANY MAN'S
OPINIONS.
I CAN RESPECT ANY MAN'S
OPINIONS.
I GUESS WHAT WE'VE SEEN THERE IS
OPINIONS.
I GUESS WHAT WE'VE SEEN THERE IS
A LITTLE BIT OF THE ANGER OF THE
I GUESS WHAT WE'VE SEEN THERE IS
A LITTLE BIT OF THE ANGER OF THE
'60s, A LITTLE BIT OF THE ANGER
A LITTLE BIT OF THE ANGER OF THE
'60s, A LITTLE BIT OF THE ANGER
THAT CAUSED SOME OF THE HIJINKS
'60s, A LITTLE BIT OF THE ANGER
THAT CAUSED SOME OF THE HIJINKS
AT COLLEGE CAMPUSES, AND SOME OF
THAT CAUSED SOME OF THE HIJINKS
AT COLLEGE CAMPUSES, AND SOME OF
THAT ANGER WE'LL BE SEEING AT
AT COLLEGE CAMPUSES, AND SOME OF
THAT ANGER WE'LL BE SEEING AT
THAT BENEFIT FOR THE AMERICAN
THAT ANGER WE'LL BE SEEING AT
THAT BENEFIT FOR THE AMERICAN
CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION.
THAT BENEFIT FOR THE AMERICAN
CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION.
AND, SIR, GOOD LUCK TO YOU, AND
CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION.
AND, SIR, GOOD LUCK TO YOU, AND
WELL, BYE-BYE.
AND, SIR, GOOD LUCK TO YOU, AND
WELL, BYE-BYE.
WE'LL BE BACK AFTER THIS
WELL, BYE-BYE.
WE'LL BE BACK AFTER THIS
COMMERCIAL WITH AN 85-YEAR-OLD
WE'LL BE BACK AFTER THIS
COMMERCIAL WITH AN 85-YEAR-OLD
INTERIOR DECORATOR WHO CLAIMS
COMMERCIAL WITH AN 85-YEAR-OLD
INTERIOR DECORATOR WHO CLAIMS
SHE WAS ABDUCTED BY 9-FOOT-TALL
INTERIOR DECORATOR WHO CLAIMS
SHE WAS ABDUCTED BY 9-FOOT-TALL
HUMANOIDS IN A FOREST IN
SHE WAS ABDUCTED BY 9-FOOT-TALL
HUMANOIDS IN A FOREST IN
ARIZONA.
HUMANOIDS IN A FOREST IN
ARIZONA.
BUT FIRST, HERE'S A FILM BY
ARIZONA.
BUT FIRST, HERE'S A FILM BY
GEORGE HARRISON.
BUT FIRST, HERE'S A FILM BY
GEORGE HARRISON.
[APPLAUSE]
GEORGE HARRISON.
[APPLAUSE]
[INTRO TO "THIS SONG" PLAYS]
♪ THIS SONG ♪
♪ HAS NOTHING TRICKY ABOUT IT ♪
♪ THIS SONG ♪
♪ HAS NOTHING TRICKY ABOUT IT ♪
♪ THIS SONG ♪
♪ AIN'T BLACK OR WHITE ♪
♪ THIS SONG ♪
♪ AIN'T BLACK OR WHITE ♪
♪ AND AS FAR AS I KNOW,
♪ AIN'T BLACK OR WHITE ♪
♪ AND AS FAR AS I KNOW,
DON'T INFRINGE ON ANYONE'S
♪ AND AS FAR AS I KNOW,
DON'T INFRINGE ON ANYONE'S
COPYRIGHT, SO ♪
DON'T INFRINGE ON ANYONE'S
COPYRIGHT, SO ♪
♪ THIS SONG ♪
COPYRIGHT, SO ♪
♪ THIS SONG ♪
♪ WE'LL LET BE ♪
♪ THIS SONG ♪
♪ WE'LL LET BE ♪
♪ THIS SONG IS IN "E" ♪
♪ WE'LL LET BE ♪
♪ THIS SONG IS IN "E" ♪
♪ THIS SONG IS FOR YOU AND
♪ THIS TUNE ♪
♪ HAS NOTHING BRIGHT ABOUT IT ♪
♪ THIS TUNE ♪
♪ HAS NOTHING BRIGHT ABOUT IT ♪
♪ THIS TUNE ♪
♪ AIN'T BAD OR GOOD ♪
♪ THIS TUNE ♪
♪ AIN'T BAD OR GOOD ♪
♪ AND COME EVER WHAT MAY, MY
♪ AIN'T BAD OR GOOD ♪
♪ AND COME EVER WHAT MAY, MY
EXPERT TELLS ME IT'S OKAY ♪
♪ AND COME EVER WHAT MAY, MY
EXPERT TELLS ME IT'S OKAY ♪
♪ AS THIS SONG CAME TO ME
EXPERT TELLS ME IT'S OKAY ♪
♪ AS THIS SONG CAME TO ME
UNKNOWINGLY ♪
♪ AS THIS SONG CAME TO ME
UNKNOWINGLY ♪
♪ THIS SONG COULD BE YOU,
UNKNOWINGLY ♪
♪ THIS SONG COULD BE YOU,
COULD BE ♪
♪ THIS SONG COULD BE YOU,
COULD BE ♪
[INDISTINCT TALKING]
COULD BE ♪
[INDISTINCT TALKING]
♪ OOH OOH OOH ♪
♪ THIS RIFF ♪
♪ AIN'T TRYING TO WIN GOLD
MEDALS ♪
♪ AIN'T TRYING TO WIN GOLD
MEDALS ♪
♪ THIS RIFF ♪
MEDALS ♪
♪ THIS RIFF ♪
♪ AIN'T HIP OR SQUARE,
♪ THIS RIFF ♪
♪ AIN'T HIP OR SQUARE,
WELL-DONE OR RARE ♪
♪ AIN'T HIP OR SQUARE,
WELL-DONE OR RARE ♪
♪ MAY END UP ONE MORE WEIGHT TO
WELL-DONE OR RARE ♪
♪ MAY END UP ONE MORE WEIGHT TO
BEAR ♪
♪ MAY END UP ONE MORE WEIGHT TO
BEAR ♪
♪ BUT THIS SONG COULD WELL BE
BEAR ♪
♪ BUT THIS SONG COULD WELL BE
A REASON TO SEE ♪
♪ BUT THIS SONG COULD WELL BE
A REASON TO SEE ♪
♪ THAT WITHOUT YOU THERE'S NO
A REASON TO SEE ♪
♪ THAT WITHOUT YOU THERE'S NO
POINT TO THIS SONG ♪
♪ THIS SONG COULD WELL BE
A REASON TO SEE ♪
♪ THAT WITHOUT YOU THERE'S NO
A REASON TO SEE ♪
♪ THAT WITHOUT YOU THERE'S NO
POINT TO THIS SONG ♪
[APPLAUSE]
[INTRO TO "BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED
WATER" PLAYS]
♪ WHEN YOU'RE WEARY ♪
[APPLAUSE]
♪ FEELING SMALL ♪
[APPLAUSE]
♪ FEELING SMALL ♪
♪ WHEN TEARS ARE IN YOUR EYES ♪
♪ FEELING SMALL ♪
♪ WHEN TEARS ARE IN YOUR EYES ♪
♪ I WILL DRY THEM ALL ♪
♪ WHEN TEARS ARE IN YOUR EYES ♪
♪ I WILL DRY THEM ALL ♪
♪ I'M ON YOUR SIDE ♪
♪ I WILL DRY THEM ALL ♪
♪ I'M ON YOUR SIDE ♪
♪ OH, WHEN TIMES GET ROUGH ♪
♪ I'M ON YOUR SIDE ♪
♪ OH, WHEN TIMES GET ROUGH ♪
♪ AND FRIENDS JUST CAN'T BE
♪ OH, WHEN TIMES GET ROUGH ♪
♪ AND FRIENDS JUST CAN'T BE
FOUND ♪
♪ AND FRIENDS JUST CAN'T BE
FOUND ♪
♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED
FOUND ♪
♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED
WATER ♪
♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED
WATER ♪
♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪
WATER ♪
♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪
♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED
♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪
♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED
WATER ♪
♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED
WATER ♪
♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE DOWN AND YOU'RE
OUT ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE ON THE STREETS,
OUT ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE ON THE STREETS,
YEAH ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE ON THE STREETS,
YEAH ♪
♪ WHEN EVENING FALLS SO HARD ♪
YEAH ♪
♪ WHEN EVENING FALLS SO HARD ♪
♪ I WILL COMFORT YOU ♪
♪ WHEN EVENING FALLS SO HARD ♪
♪ I WILL COMFORT YOU ♪
♪ I'LL TAKE YOUR PART ♪
♪ I WILL COMFORT YOU ♪
♪ I'LL TAKE YOUR PART ♪
♪ OH, WHEN DARKNESS COMES ♪
♪ I'LL TAKE YOUR PART ♪
♪ OH, WHEN DARKNESS COMES ♪
♪ AND PAIN IS ALL AROUND ♪
♪ OH, WHEN DARKNESS COMES ♪
♪ AND PAIN IS ALL AROUND ♪
♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED
♪ AND PAIN IS ALL AROUND ♪
♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED
WATER ♪
♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED
WATER ♪
♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪
WATER ♪
♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪
♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED
♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪
♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED
WATER ♪
♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED
WATER ♪
♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪
WATER ♪
♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪
♪ MMM-MMM-MMM-MMM ♪
♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪
♪ MMM-MMM-MMM-MMM ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ MMM-MMM-MMM-MMM ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
GOOD NIGHT TO EVERYONE.
A HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
AND MY SPECIAL APOLOGIES TO
MICHAEL O'DONOGHUE.
HE KNOWS WHY.
[APPLAUSE]
GOOD NIGHT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[BAND PLAYS]
Announcer: NEXT SATURDAY
NIGHT, OUR HOST WILL BE
JODIE FOSTER, WITH A SPECIAL
APPEARANCE BY BRIAN WILSON OF
THE BEACH BOYS.
YOU KNOW, I'M AN OLD BEACH BOY
MYSELF.
WHEN THE SURF WAS UP, SO WAS I.
BUT THAT'S ANOTHER STORY, AND SO
AM I.
THIS IS DON PARDO, HANGING TEN
AND SAYING, "GOOD NIGHT!"
WHEEEEEE!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
[CONTINUES]
FOLLOWING PROGRAM HAVE BEEN
PRE-RECORDED.
FOLLOWING PROGRAM HAVE BEEN
PRE-RECORDED.
[GUITAR PLAYS]
PRE-RECORDED.
[GUITAR PLAYS]
♪ THIS LAND IS YOUR LAND ♪
[GUITAR PLAYS]
♪ THIS LAND IS YOUR LAND ♪
♪ THIS LAND IS MY LAND ♪
♪ THIS LAND IS YOUR LAND ♪
♪ THIS LAND IS MY LAND ♪
♪ FROM CAL.. ♪
♪ THIS LAND IS MY LAND ♪
♪ FROM CAL.. ♪
THANK YOU.
♪ FROM CAL.. ♪
THANK YOU.
♪ ...IFORNIA TO THE NEW YORK
THANK YOU.
♪ ...IFORNIA TO THE NEW YORK
ISLANDS ♪
♪ ...IFORNIA TO THE NEW YORK
ISLANDS ♪
CHEVY! CHEVY!
ISLANDS ♪
CHEVY! CHEVY!
PAUL, HOW ARE YOU?
CHEVY! CHEVY!
PAUL, HOW ARE YOU?
GOOD TO SEE YOU!
PAUL, HOW ARE YOU?
GOOD TO SEE YOU!
HOW ARE YA?
GOOD TO SEE YOU!
HOW ARE YA?
I'M FINE. I'M FINE. I'M FINE.
HOW ARE YA?
I'M FINE. I'M FINE. I'M FINE.
WELL, HOW'S IT BEEN GOING
I'M FINE. I'M FINE. I'M FINE.
WELL, HOW'S IT BEEN GOING
SINCE YOU LEFT THE SHOW?
WELL, HOW'S IT BEEN GOING
SINCE YOU LEFT THE SHOW?
OH, HEY. DYNAMITE!
SINCE YOU LEFT THE SHOW?
OH, HEY. DYNAMITE!
REALLY?
OH, HEY. DYNAMITE!
REALLY?
ARE YOU DOING SPECIALS?
REALLY?
ARE YOU DOING SPECIALS?
OH, YEAH, I'M WORKING ON
ARE YOU DOING SPECIALS?
OH, YEAH, I'M WORKING ON
SPECIALS EVEN AS WE TALK.
OH, YEAH, I'M WORKING ON
SPECIALS EVEN AS WE TALK.
MOVIES?
SPECIALS EVEN AS WE TALK.
MOVIES?
I'M WRITING, THE MOVIES.
MOVIES?
I'M WRITING, THE MOVIES.
FANTASTIC.
I'M WRITING, THE MOVIES.
FANTASTIC.
SO IT WAS WORTH IT TO LEAVE THE
FANTASTIC.
SO IT WAS WORTH IT TO LEAVE THE
SHOW WHEN YOU DID.
SO IT WAS WORTH IT TO LEAVE THE
SHOW WHEN YOU DID.
YEAH. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
SHOW WHEN YOU DID.
YEAH. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M GONNA DO THE SHOW
YEAH. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M GONNA DO THE SHOW
TONIGHT.
I'M GONNA DO THE SHOW
TONIGHT.
THAT'S GREAT!
TONIGHT.
THAT'S GREAT!
I'M THE HOST, YEAH.
THAT'S GREAT!
I'M THE HOST, YEAH.
YOU'RE A LITTLE BIT EARLY.
I'M THE HOST, YEAH.
YOU'RE A LITTLE BIT EARLY.
I HAVE TO GET CHANGED INTO A
YOU'RE A LITTLE BIT EARLY.
I HAVE TO GET CHANGED INTO A
COSTUME FOR THE OPENING.
I HAVE TO GET CHANGED INTO A
COSTUME FOR THE OPENING.
OH, THAT'S FUNNY.
COSTUME FOR THE OPENING.
OH, THAT'S FUNNY.
IS IT GOOD?
OH, THAT'S FUNNY.
IS IT GOOD?
TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I HAVE
IS IT GOOD?
TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I HAVE
MY DOUBTS ABOUT THE WHOLE
TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I HAVE
MY DOUBTS ABOUT THE WHOLE
CONCEPT.
MY DOUBTS ABOUT THE WHOLE
CONCEPT.
IT'S SOMETHING THEY WROTE.
CONCEPT.
IT'S SOMETHING THEY WROTE.
I'M GONNA TALK TO LORNE ABOUT IT
IT'S SOMETHING THEY WROTE.
I'M GONNA TALK TO LORNE ABOUT IT
ANYWAY.
I'M GONNA TALK TO LORNE ABOUT IT
ANYWAY.
AH. HEY, HEY.
ANYWAY.
AH. HEY, HEY.
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
AH. HEY, HEY.
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
OKAY, YEAH. GREAT, CHEV.
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
OKAY, YEAH. GREAT, CHEV.
SEE YOU A LITTLE BIT LATER.
OKAY, YEAH. GREAT, CHEV.
SEE YOU A LITTLE BIT LATER.
OKAY, SEE YOU LATER.
SEE YOU A LITTLE BIT LATER.
OKAY, SEE YOU LATER.
OOH! LISTEN.
OKAY, SEE YOU LATER.
OOH! LISTEN.
HEY! WHY DON'T YOU COME TO THE
OOH! LISTEN.
HEY! WHY DON'T YOU COME TO THE
PARTY AFTER THE SHOW?
HEY! WHY DON'T YOU COME TO THE
PARTY AFTER THE SHOW?
PARTY?
PARTY AFTER THE SHOW?
PARTY?
I'D LOVE TO DO THAT, MAN.
PARTY?
I'D LOVE TO DO THAT, MAN.
IF I'M FINISHED WITH MY WORK,
I'D LOVE TO DO THAT, MAN.
IF I'M FINISHED WITH MY WORK,
I'LL BE THERE.
IF I'M FINISHED WITH MY WORK,
I'LL BE THERE.
EVERYONE WOULD LOVE TO SEE
I'LL BE THERE.
EVERYONE WOULD LOVE TO SEE
YOU.
EVERYONE WOULD LOVE TO SEE
YOU.
THEY WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU
YOU.
THEY WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU
AGAIN.
THEY WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU
AGAIN.
OKAY.
AGAIN.
OKAY.
BEAUTIFUL.
OKAY.
BEAUTIFUL.
SEE YOU LATER.
BEAUTIFUL.
SEE YOU LATER.
OKAY, BEAUTIFUL.
SEE YOU LATER.
OKAY, BEAUTIFUL.
♪ DO YOU KNOW... DO ♪
OKAY, BEAUTIFUL.
♪ DO YOU KNOW... DO ♪
[STRUMS OUT-OF-TUNE CHORD]
♪ DO YOU KNOW... DO ♪
[STRUMS OUT-OF-TUNE CHORD]
[HUMS]
[STRUMS OUT-OF-TUNE CHORD]
[HUMS]
♪ DO YOU KNOW THE WAY TO
[HUMS]
♪ DO YOU KNOW THE WAY TO
SAN JOSE? ♪
♪ DO YOU KNOW THE WAY TO
SAN JOSE? ♪
♪ DO YOU KNOW... ♪
SAN JOSE? ♪
♪ DO YOU KNOW... ♪
DYLAN!
♪ DO YOU KNOW... ♪
DYLAN!
DYLAN
DYLAN!
DYLAN
♪ NOBODY FEELS ANY PAIN ♪
I MEAN, HOW DO YOU THINK I
FEEL?
I FEEL TERRIBLE ABOUT IT.
FEEL?
I FEEL TERRIBLE ABOUT IT.
NO GOOD SAYING THAT NOW.
I FEEL TERRIBLE ABOUT IT.
NO GOOD SAYING THAT NOW.
I'VE COME ALL THIS WAY.
NO GOOD SAYING THAT NOW.
I'VE COME ALL THIS WAY.
$3,000. THAT WAS THE DEAL.
I'VE COME ALL THIS WAY.
$3,000. THAT WAS THE DEAL.
I UNDERSTAND, BUT IT WAS JUST
$3,000. THAT WAS THE DEAL.
I UNDERSTAND, BUT IT WAS JUST
ONE OF THOSE MIX-UPS.
I UNDERSTAND, BUT IT WAS JUST
ONE OF THOSE MIX-UPS.
I MEAN, IT'S...
ONE OF THOSE MIX-UPS.
I MEAN, IT'S...
[INDISTINCT ARGUING]
I MEAN, IT'S...
[INDISTINCT ARGUING]
HI, GEORGE.
[INDISTINCT ARGUING]
HI, GEORGE.
HI, LORNE.
HI, GEORGE.
HI, LORNE.
WE BETTER GET STARTED.
HI, LORNE.
WE BETTER GET STARTED.
LORNE, CAN I JUST TALK TO
WE BETTER GET STARTED.
LORNE, CAN I JUST TALK TO
YOU FOR A MINUTE?
LORNE, CAN I JUST TALK TO
YOU FOR A MINUTE?
IN PRIVATE?
YOU FOR A MINUTE?
IN PRIVATE?
SURE.
IN PRIVATE?
SURE.
CAN YOU JUST EXCUSE US FOR A
SURE.
CAN YOU JUST EXCUSE US FOR A
MOMENT?
CAN YOU JUST EXCUSE US FOR A
MOMENT?
WHAT IS IT?
MOMENT?
WHAT IS IT?
LORNE, I HAVE GRAVE DOUBTS
WHAT IS IT?
LORNE, I HAVE GRAVE DOUBTS
ABOUT THE COSTUME.
LORNE, I HAVE GRAVE DOUBTS
ABOUT THE COSTUME.
WHAT, IN THE OPENING?
ABOUT THE COSTUME.
WHAT, IN THE OPENING?
YES, I DO.
WHAT, IN THE OPENING?
YES, I DO.
I THINK THE OPENING'S WORKING
YES, I DO.
I THINK THE OPENING'S WORKING
WONDERFULLY.
I THINK THE OPENING'S WORKING
WONDERFULLY.
WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT?
WONDERFULLY.
WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT?
I-I'M WORRIED ABOUT...
WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT?
I-I'M WORRIED ABOUT...
I-I FEEL THERE'S A REAL GOOD
I-I'M WORRIED ABOUT...
I-I FEEL THERE'S A REAL GOOD
CHANCE THAT I COULD LOOK LIKE A
I-I FEEL THERE'S A REAL GOOD
CHANCE THAT I COULD LOOK LIKE A
FOOL IS WHAT I'M WORRIED ABOUT.
CHANCE THAT I COULD LOOK LIKE A
FOOL IS WHAT I'M WORRIED ABOUT.
NOT A CHANCE. REALLY.
FOOL IS WHAT I'M WORRIED ABOUT.
NOT A CHANCE. REALLY.
YOU JUST HAVE TO HAVE CONFIDENCE
NOT A CHANCE. REALLY.
YOU JUST HAVE TO HAVE CONFIDENCE
WHEN YOU GO OUT THERE.
YOU JUST HAVE TO HAVE CONFIDENCE
WHEN YOU GO OUT THERE.
BELIEVE ME, IT'LL WORK.
WHEN YOU GO OUT THERE.
BELIEVE ME, IT'LL WORK.
I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT.
BELIEVE ME, IT'LL WORK.
I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT.
DO YOU BELIEVE ME?
I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT.
DO YOU BELIEVE ME?
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU, BUT I
DO YOU BELIEVE ME?
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU, BUT I
HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT.
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU, BUT I
HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT.
REALLY, I THINK...
HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT.
REALLY, I THINK...
IT WILL BE GREAT.
REALLY, I THINK...
IT WILL BE GREAT.
YOU BETTER CHANGE.
IT WILL BE GREAT.
YOU BETTER CHANGE.
I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT, LORNE.
YOU BETTER CHANGE.
I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT, LORNE.
FINE.
I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT, LORNE.
FINE.
I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING, I'M
FINE.
I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING, I'M
GONNA GET IT STRAIGHT IN THE
I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING, I'M
GONNA GET IT STRAIGHT IN THE
FUTURE.
GONNA GET IT STRAIGHT IN THE
FUTURE.
I KNOW, BUT IF YOU DON'T GO
FUTURE.
I KNOW, BUT IF YOU DON'T GO
ON TONIGHT...
I KNOW, BUT IF YOU DON'T GO
ON TONIGHT...
IF YOU DON'T GO ON TONIGHT,
ON TONIGHT...
IF YOU DON'T GO ON TONIGHT,
IT'LL BREAK HIS HEART.
IF YOU DON'T GO ON TONIGHT,
IT'LL BREAK HIS HEART.
I MEAN, IT MUST BE...
IT'LL BREAK HIS HEART.
I MEAN, IT MUST BE...
SEE, I THOUGHT THAT YOU WOULD
I MEAN, IT MUST BE...
SEE, I THOUGHT THAT YOU WOULD
UNDERSTAND THAT IF IT WAS $3,000
SEE, I THOUGHT THAT YOU WOULD
UNDERSTAND THAT IF IT WAS $3,000
FOR FOUR PEOPLE, THEN IT WOULD
UNDERSTAND THAT IF IT WAS $3,000
FOR FOUR PEOPLE, THEN IT WOULD
JUST BE $750 FOR EACH OF YOU.
FOR FOUR PEOPLE, THEN IT WOULD
JUST BE $750 FOR EACH OF YOU.
I MEAN, AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,
JUST BE $750 FOR EACH OF YOU.
I MEAN, AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,
I MEAN, YOU COULD HAVE THE FULL
I MEAN, AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,
I MEAN, YOU COULD HAVE THE FULL
$3,000.
I MEAN, YOU COULD HAVE THE FULL
$3,000.
IT'S THE NETWORK.
$3,000.
IT'S THE NETWORK.
$750, THAT'S PRETTY CHINTZY,
IT'S THE NETWORK.
$750, THAT'S PRETTY CHINTZY,
ISN'T IT?
$750, THAT'S PRETTY CHINTZY,
ISN'T IT?
WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
ISN'T IT?
WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
I KNOW THAT THERE'S ANOTHER $250
WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
I KNOW THAT THERE'S ANOTHER $250
AVAILABLE FOR THE OPENING,
I KNOW THAT THERE'S ANOTHER $250
AVAILABLE FOR THE OPENING,
FOR THE PERSON WHO SAYS "LIVE
AVAILABLE FOR THE OPENING,
FOR THE PERSON WHO SAYS "LIVE
FROM NEW YORK, IT'S 'SATURDAY
FOR THE PERSON WHO SAYS "LIVE
FROM NEW YORK, IT'S 'SATURDAY
NIGHT.'"
FROM NEW YORK, IT'S 'SATURDAY
NIGHT.'"
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
NIGHT.'"
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
[BAND PLAYS]
Announcer: NBC's
"SATURDAY NIGHT"...
STARRING PAUL SIMON...
"SATURDAY NIGHT"...
STARRING PAUL SIMON...
WITH HIS SPECIAL GUEST
STARRING PAUL SIMON...
WITH HIS SPECIAL GUEST
GEORGE HARRISON...
Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org
AND THE
NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME
PLAYERS...
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
PAUL SIMON!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[INTRO TO "STILL CRAZY AFTER
ALL THESE YEARS" PLAYS]
♪ I MET MY OLD LOVER ON THE
STREET LAST NIGHT ♪
♪ SHE SEEMED SO GLAD TO SEE ME,
STREET LAST NIGHT ♪
♪ SHE SEEMED SO GLAD TO SEE ME,
I JUST SMILED ♪
♪ SHE SEEMED SO GLAD TO SEE ME,
I JUST SMILED ♪
♪ AND WE TALKED ABOUT SOME OLD
I JUST SMILED ♪
♪ AND WE TALKED ABOUT SOME OLD
TIMES ♪
♪ AND WE TALKED ABOUT SOME OLD
TIMES ♪
♪ AND WE DRANK OURSELVES SOME
TIMES ♪
♪ AND WE DRANK OURSELVES SOME
BEERS ♪
♪ AND WE DRANK OURSELVES SOME
BEERS ♪
♪ STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE
BEERS ♪
♪ STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE
YEARS ♪
♪ STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE
YEARS ♪
♪ OH, STILL CRA... ♪
YEARS ♪
♪ OH, STILL CRA... ♪
CUT!
♪ OH, STILL CRA... ♪
CUT!
OKAY, CUT IT.
CUT!
OKAY, CUT IT.
[MUSIC STOPS]
OKAY, CUT IT.
[MUSIC STOPS]
FORGET IT, RICHARD.
[MUSIC STOPS]
FORGET IT, RICHARD.
[LAUGHTER]
FORGET IT, RICHARD.
[LAUGHTER]
YOU KNOW, I SAID WHEN THE TURKEY
[LAUGHTER]
YOU KNOW, I SAID WHEN THE TURKEY
CONCEPT WAS FIRST BROUGHT UP,
YOU KNOW, I SAID WHEN THE TURKEY
CONCEPT WAS FIRST BROUGHT UP,
I SAID THERE'S A VERY GOOD
CONCEPT WAS FIRST BROUGHT UP,
I SAID THERE'S A VERY GOOD
CHANCE I'M GONNA END UP
I SAID THERE'S A VERY GOOD
CHANCE I'M GONNA END UP
LOOKING STUPID IF I COME OUT
CHANCE I'M GONNA END UP
LOOKING STUPID IF I COME OUT
WEARING IT.
LOOKING STUPID IF I COME OUT
WEARING IT.
I MEAN, EVERYONE SAID, "OH, IT'S
WEARING IT.
I MEAN, EVERYONE SAID, "OH, IT'S
THANKSGIVING, GO AHEAD."
I MEAN, EVERYONE SAID, "OH, IT'S
THANKSGIVING, GO AHEAD."
I FELT THAT IT WAS NOT IN ANY
THANKSGIVING, GO AHEAD."
I FELT THAT IT WAS NOT IN ANY
WAY IN KEEPING WITH MY IMAGE,
I FELT THAT IT WAS NOT IN ANY
WAY IN KEEPING WITH MY IMAGE,
THE LYRICS, "THE BOXER," ANY OF
WAY IN KEEPING WITH MY IMAGE,
THE LYRICS, "THE BOXER," ANY OF
THOSE SONGS.
THE LYRICS, "THE BOXER," ANY OF
THOSE SONGS.
THEY SAID, "HEY, YOU KNOW, YOU
THOSE SONGS.
THEY SAID, "HEY, YOU KNOW, YOU
TAKE YOURSELF SO SERIOUSLY.
THEY SAID, "HEY, YOU KNOW, YOU
TAKE YOURSELF SO SERIOUSLY.
WHY DON'T YOU STOP TAKING
TAKE YOURSELF SO SERIOUSLY.
WHY DON'T YOU STOP TAKING
YOURSELF SO SERIOUSLY FOR A
WHY DON'T YOU STOP TAKING
YOURSELF SO SERIOUSLY FOR A
WHILE, LOOSEN UP A LITTLE BIT,
YOURSELF SO SERIOUSLY FOR A
WHILE, LOOSEN UP A LITTLE BIT,
AND MAYBE PEOPLE WILL LAUGH?
WHILE, LOOSEN UP A LITTLE BIT,
AND MAYBE PEOPLE WILL LAUGH?
YOU WANT TO BE MR. ALIENATION?
AND MAYBE PEOPLE WILL LAUGH?
YOU WANT TO BE MR. ALIENATION?
YOU CAN BE MR. ALIENATION."
YOU WANT TO BE MR. ALIENATION?
YOU CAN BE MR. ALIENATION."
WELL, I DIDN'T WANT TO BE
YOU CAN BE MR. ALIENATION."
WELL, I DIDN'T WANT TO BE
MR. ALIENATION.
WELL, I DIDN'T WANT TO BE
MR. ALIENATION.
I-I WANT TO BE A REGULAR GUY,
MR. ALIENATION.
I-I WANT TO BE A REGULAR GUY,
BUT I FEEL THIS HAS JUST BEEN A
I-I WANT TO BE A REGULAR GUY,
BUT I FEEL THIS HAS JUST BEEN A
DISASTER.
BUT I FEEL THIS HAS JUST BEEN A
DISASTER.
I'M SORRY.
DISASTER.
I'M SORRY.
I'M JUST GONNA GO AND CHANGE.
I'M SORRY.
I'M JUST GONNA GO AND CHANGE.
IT'S JUST A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.
I'M JUST GONNA GO AND CHANGE.
IT'S JUST A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.
[APPLAUSE]
IT'S JUST A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.
[APPLAUSE]
[MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]
[APPLAUSE]
[MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]
WONDERFUL!
[MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]
WONDERFUL!
WONDERFUL?
WONDERFUL!
WONDERFUL?
YOU CALL THAT WONDERFUL?
WONDERFUL?
YOU CALL THAT WONDERFUL?
WHAT, YOU GOT A PROBLEM?
YOU CALL THAT WONDERFUL?
WHAT, YOU GOT A PROBLEM?
IT WAS ONE OF THE MOST
WHAT, YOU GOT A PROBLEM?
IT WAS ONE OF THE MOST
HUMILIATING EXPERIENCES OF MY
IT WAS ONE OF THE MOST
HUMILIATING EXPERIENCES OF MY
LIFE!
HUMILIATING EXPERIENCES OF MY
LIFE!
WHAT, THE BAND CAME IN LATE?
LIFE!
WHAT, THE BAND CAME IN LATE?
THE BAND IS FINE!
WHAT, THE BAND CAME IN LATE?
THE BAND IS FINE!
IT'S NOT THE BAND!
THE BAND IS FINE!
IT'S NOT THE BAND!
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE
IT'S NOT THE BAND!
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE
PROBLEM IS.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE
PROBLEM IS.
THE PROBLEM IS I'M SINGING
PROBLEM IS.
THE PROBLEM IS I'M SINGING
"STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE
THE PROBLEM IS I'M SINGING
"STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE
YEARS" IN A TURKEY OUTFIT!
"STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE
YEARS" IN A TURKEY OUTFIT!
WOULD YOU LIKE TO SING IN A
YEARS" IN A TURKEY OUTFIT!
WOULD YOU LIKE TO SING IN A
TURKEY OUTFIT?
WOULD YOU LIKE TO SING IN A
TURKEY OUTFIT?
I THOUGHT IT WORKED GREAT.
TURKEY OUTFIT?
I THOUGHT IT WORKED GREAT.
YEAH?
I THOUGHT IT WORKED GREAT.
YEAH?
WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE,
YEAH?
WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE,
JAN-MICHAEL VINCENT HERE?
WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE,
JAN-MICHAEL VINCENT HERE?
YOU THINK I'M LOOKING GOOD?
JAN-MICHAEL VINCENT HERE?
YOU THINK I'M LOOKING GOOD?
YOU LOOK GREAT! HONESTLY.
YOU THINK I'M LOOKING GOOD?
YOU LOOK GREAT! HONESTLY.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO CHANGE?
YOU LOOK GREAT! HONESTLY.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO CHANGE?
YEAH, LET'S JUST DO THAT.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO CHANGE?
YEAH, LET'S JUST DO THAT.
LET'S SAY IT WAS A DIFFERENCE OF
YEAH, LET'S JUST DO THAT.
LET'S SAY IT WAS A DIFFERENCE OF
OPINION.
LET'S SAY IT WAS A DIFFERENCE OF
OPINION.
MAYBE IT WAS A DIFFERENCE OF
OPINION.
MAYBE IT WAS A DIFFERENCE OF
OPINION, BUT I THINK IT WORKED
MAYBE IT WAS A DIFFERENCE OF
OPINION, BUT I THINK IT WORKED
GREAT.
OPINION, BUT I THINK IT WORKED
GREAT.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS
GREAT.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS
FOLLOWING MESSAGE.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS
FOLLOWING MESSAGE.
I CAN'T FIT THROUGH THE DOOR!
FOLLOWING MESSAGE.
I CAN'T FIT THROUGH THE DOOR!
ALL RIGHT, I'LL HELP YOU.
[MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]
♪ THIS WORLD'S A-CHANGIN'
FASTER ♪
♪ THIS WORLD'S A-CHANGIN'
FASTER ♪
♪ THAN A TEARDROP TURNS TO
FASTER ♪
♪ THAN A TEARDROP TURNS TO
LAUGHTER ♪
♪ THAN A TEARDROP TURNS TO
LAUGHTER ♪
♪ BUT SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE ♪
LAUGHTER ♪
♪ BUT SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE ♪
♪ AND THEY'RE THE THINGS THAT
♪ BUT SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE ♪
♪ AND THEY'RE THE THINGS THAT
REALLY MATTER ♪
♪ AND THEY'RE THE THINGS THAT
REALLY MATTER ♪
♪ LIKE WEATHER VANES AND COUNTRY
REALLY MATTER ♪
♪ LIKE WEATHER VANES AND COUNTRY
LANES ♪
♪ LIKE WEATHER VANES AND COUNTRY
LANES ♪
♪ WHERE CRICKETS CHIRP
LANES ♪
♪ WHERE CRICKETS CHIRP
AT NIGHT ♪
♪ WHERE CRICKETS CHIRP
AT NIGHT ♪
♪ AND BREAKFAST IN THE EARLY
AT NIGHT ♪
♪ AND BREAKFAST IN THE EARLY
MORNING ♪
♪ AND BREAKFAST IN THE EARLY
MORNING ♪
♪ TO START YOUR DAY OFF RIGHT ♪
MORNING ♪
♪ TO START YOUR DAY OFF RIGHT ♪
OUT HERE ON A FARM,
♪ TO START YOUR DAY OFF RIGHT ♪
OUT HERE ON A FARM,
BREAKFAST IS OUR MOST IMPORTANT
OUT HERE ON A FARM,
BREAKFAST IS OUR MOST IMPORTANT
MEAL.
BREAKFAST IS OUR MOST IMPORTANT
MEAL.
THAT'S WHY WE START EACH DAY
MEAL.
THAT'S WHY WE START EACH DAY
THE NATURAL WAY...
THAT'S WHY WE START EACH DAY
THE NATURAL WAY...
WITH A BIG BRIMMING BOWL OF
THE NATURAL WAY...
WITH A BIG BRIMMING BOWL OF
QUARRY.
WITH A BIG BRIMMING BOWL OF
QUARRY.
QUARRY CONTAINS NO
QUARRY.
QUARRY CONTAINS NO
PRESERVATIVES, NO ADDITIVES, NO
QUARRY CONTAINS NO
PRESERVATIVES, NO ADDITIVES, NO
ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING.
PRESERVATIVES, NO ADDITIVES, NO
ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING.
AND IT'S MADE WITHOUT THE USE OF
ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING.
AND IT'S MADE WITHOUT THE USE OF
PESTICIDES OR INORGANIC
AND IT'S MADE WITHOUT THE USE OF
PESTICIDES OR INORGANIC
FERTILIZER.
PESTICIDES OR INORGANIC
FERTILIZER.
BECAUSE QUARRY ISN'T GROWN...
FERTILIZER.
BECAUSE QUARRY ISN'T GROWN...
IT'S MINED.
BECAUSE QUARRY ISN'T GROWN...
IT'S MINED.
HERE'S A READY-TO-EAT CEREAL
IT'S MINED.
HERE'S A READY-TO-EAT CEREAL
THAT'S PURE 100% ROCKS AND
HERE'S A READY-TO-EAT CEREAL
THAT'S PURE 100% ROCKS AND
PEBBLES, WITH A HEARTY,
THAT'S PURE 100% ROCKS AND
PEBBLES, WITH A HEARTY,
OLD-FASHIONED FLAVOR THE
PEBBLES, WITH A HEARTY,
OLD-FASHIONED FLAVOR THE
WHOLE FAMILY WILL ENJOY.
[CRUNCHING]
MMM. GREAT, MOM.
IT'S REALLY GOOD.
MMM. GREAT, MOM.
IT'S REALLY GOOD.
IT'S DELICIOUS!
IT'S REALLY GOOD.
IT'S DELICIOUS!
AND IT'S GOOD FOR THEM
IT'S DELICIOUS!
AND IT'S GOOD FOR THEM
BECAUSE EVERY SERVING IS
AND IT'S GOOD FOR THEM
BECAUSE EVERY SERVING IS
CHOCK-FULL OF MINERALS.
BECAUSE EVERY SERVING IS
CHOCK-FULL OF MINERALS.
I LIKE QUARRY 'CAUSE IT'S
CHOCK-FULL OF MINERALS.
I LIKE QUARRY 'CAUSE IT'S
CRUNCHY.
I LIKE QUARRY 'CAUSE IT'S
CRUNCHY.
[CRUNCHING CONTINUES]
CRUNCHY.
[CRUNCHING CONTINUES]
WHAT?
[CRUNCHING CONTINUES]
WHAT?
I SAID, "I LIKE QUARRY 'CAUSE
WHAT?
I SAID, "I LIKE QUARRY 'CAUSE
IT'S CRUNCHY"!
I SAID, "I LIKE QUARRY 'CAUSE
IT'S CRUNCHY"!
SO, IF BREAKFAST IS IMPORTANT
IT'S CRUNCHY"!
SO, IF BREAKFAST IS IMPORTANT
TO YOU, START YOUR DAY THE
SO, IF BREAKFAST IS IMPORTANT
TO YOU, START YOUR DAY THE
NATURAL WAY...
TO YOU, START YOUR DAY THE
NATURAL WAY...
WITH QUARRY.
NATURAL WAY...
WITH QUARRY.
♪ LIKE SWIMMIN' HOLES AND
WITH QUARRY.
♪ LIKE SWIMMIN' HOLES AND
BRIMMIN' BOWLS OF CEREAL MADE
♪ LIKE SWIMMIN' HOLES AND
BRIMMIN' BOWLS OF CEREAL MADE
FROM STONE ♪
[INTRO TO "50 WAYS TO LEAVE
YOUR LOVER" PLAYS]
♪ "THE PROBLEM IS ALL INSIDE
[YOUR LOVER" PLAYS]
♪ "THE PROBLEM IS ALL INSIDE
YOUR HEAD," SHE SAID TO ME ♪
♪ "THE PROBLEM IS ALL INSIDE
YOUR HEAD," SHE SAID TO ME ♪
♪ "THE ANSWER IS EASY IF YOU
YOUR HEAD," SHE SAID TO ME ♪
♪ "THE ANSWER IS EASY IF YOU
TAKE IT LOGICALLY ♪
♪ "THE ANSWER IS EASY IF YOU
TAKE IT LOGICALLY ♪
♪ I'D LIKE TO HELP YOU IN YOUR
TAKE IT LOGICALLY ♪
♪ I'D LIKE TO HELP YOU IN YOUR
STRUGGLE TO BE FREE ♪
♪ I'D LIKE TO HELP YOU IN YOUR
STRUGGLE TO BE FREE ♪
♪ THERE MUST BE 50 WAYS TO LEAVE
STRUGGLE TO BE FREE ♪
♪ THERE MUST BE 50 WAYS TO LEAVE
YOUR LOVER" ♪
♪ THERE MUST BE 50 WAYS TO LEAVE
YOUR LOVER" ♪
♪ SHE SAID, "IT'S REALLY NOT MY
YOUR LOVER" ♪
♪ SHE SAID, "IT'S REALLY NOT MY
HABIT TO INTRUDE ♪
♪ SHE SAID, "IT'S REALLY NOT MY
HABIT TO INTRUDE ♪
♪ FURTHERMORE, I HOPE MY MEANING
HABIT TO INTRUDE ♪
♪ FURTHERMORE, I HOPE MY MEANING
WON'T BE LOST OR MISCONSTRUED ♪
♪ FURTHERMORE, I HOPE MY MEANING
WON'T BE LOST OR MISCONSTRUED ♪
♪ SO I'LL REPEAT MYSELF
WON'T BE LOST OR MISCONSTRUED ♪
♪ SO I'LL REPEAT MYSELF
AT THE RISK OF BEING CRUDE ♪
♪ SO I'LL REPEAT MYSELF
AT THE RISK OF BEING CRUDE ♪
♪ THERE MUST BE 50 WAYS TO LEAVE
AT THE RISK OF BEING CRUDE ♪
♪ THERE MUST BE 50 WAYS TO LEAVE
YOUR LOVER ♪
♪ THERE MUST BE 50 WAYS TO LEAVE
YOUR LOVER ♪
♪ 50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER" ♪
YOUR LOVER ♪
♪ 50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER" ♪
♪ JUST SLIP OUT THE BACK, JACK ♪
♪ 50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER" ♪
♪ JUST SLIP OUT THE BACK, JACK ♪
♪ MAKE A NEW PLAN, STAN ♪
♪ JUST SLIP OUT THE BACK, JACK ♪
♪ MAKE A NEW PLAN, STAN ♪
♪ DON'T NEED TO BE COY, ROY ♪
♪ MAKE A NEW PLAN, STAN ♪
♪ DON'T NEED TO BE COY, ROY ♪
♪ JUST LISTEN TO ME ♪
♪ DON'T NEED TO BE COY, ROY ♪
♪ JUST LISTEN TO ME ♪
♪ HOP ON THE BUS, GUS ♪
♪ JUST LISTEN TO ME ♪
♪ HOP ON THE BUS, GUS ♪
♪ NO NEED TO DISCUSS MUCH ♪
♪ HOP ON THE BUS, GUS ♪
♪ NO NEED TO DISCUSS MUCH ♪
♪ JUST DROP OFF THE KEY, LEE ♪
♪ NO NEED TO DISCUSS MUCH ♪
♪ JUST DROP OFF THE KEY, LEE ♪
♪ AND GET YOURSELF FREE ♪
♪ JUST DROP OFF THE KEY, LEE ♪
♪ AND GET YOURSELF FREE ♪
[GUITAR SOLO]
♪ SHE SAID, "IT GRIEVES ME SO
TO SEE YOU IN SUCH PAIN ♪
♪ I WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING I
TO SEE YOU IN SUCH PAIN ♪
♪ I WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING I
COULD DO TO MAKE YOU SMILE
♪ I WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING I
COULD DO TO MAKE YOU SMILE
AGAIN ♪
COULD DO TO MAKE YOU SMILE
AGAIN ♪
♪ I SAID, "HEY, I APPRECIATE
AGAIN ♪
♪ I SAID, "HEY, I APPRECIATE
THAT ♪
♪ I SAID, "HEY, I APPRECIATE
THAT ♪
♪ AND WOULD YOU PLEASE EXPLAIN
THAT ♪
♪ AND WOULD YOU PLEASE EXPLAIN
ABOUT THE 50 WAYS?" ♪
♪ AND WOULD YOU PLEASE EXPLAIN
ABOUT THE 50 WAYS?" ♪
♪ SHE SAID, "WHY DON'T WE BOTH
ABOUT THE 50 WAYS?" ♪
♪ SHE SAID, "WHY DON'T WE BOTH
JUST SLEEP ON IT TONIGHT? ♪
♪ SHE SAID, "WHY DON'T WE BOTH
JUST SLEEP ON IT TONIGHT? ♪
♪ AND I BELIEVE IN THE MORNING
JUST SLEEP ON IT TONIGHT? ♪
♪ AND I BELIEVE IN THE MORNING
YOU'LL BEGIN TO SEE THE LIGHT" ♪
♪ AND I BELIEVE IN THE MORNING
YOU'LL BEGIN TO SEE THE LIGHT" ♪
♪ AND THEN SHE KISSED ME AND I
YOU'LL BEGIN TO SEE THE LIGHT" ♪
♪ AND THEN SHE KISSED ME AND I
REALIZED SHE PROBABLY WAS
♪ AND THEN SHE KISSED ME AND I
REALIZED SHE PROBABLY WAS
RIGHT ♪
REALIZED SHE PROBABLY WAS
RIGHT ♪
♪ THERE MUST BE 50 WAYS TO LEAVE
RIGHT ♪
♪ THERE MUST BE 50 WAYS TO LEAVE
YOUR LOVER ♪
♪ THERE MUST BE 50 WAYS TO LEAVE
YOUR LOVER ♪
♪ 50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER ♪
YOUR LOVER ♪
♪ 50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER ♪
♪ JUST SLIP OUT THE BACK, JACK ♪
♪ 50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER ♪
♪ JUST SLIP OUT THE BACK, JACK ♪
♪ YOU MAKE A NEW PLAN, STAN ♪
♪ JUST SLIP OUT THE BACK, JACK ♪
♪ YOU MAKE A NEW PLAN, STAN ♪
♪ DON'T NEED TO BE COY, ROY ♪
♪ YOU MAKE A NEW PLAN, STAN ♪
♪ DON'T NEED TO BE COY, ROY ♪
♪ JUST LISTEN TO ME ♪
♪ DON'T NEED TO BE COY, ROY ♪
♪ JUST LISTEN TO ME ♪
♪ HOP ON THE BUS, GUS ♪
♪ JUST LISTEN TO ME ♪
♪ HOP ON THE BUS, GUS ♪
♪ DON'T NEED TO DISCUSS MUCH ♪
♪ HOP ON THE BUS, GUS ♪
♪ DON'T NEED TO DISCUSS MUCH ♪
♪ JUST DROP OFF THE KEY, LEE ♪
♪ DON'T NEED TO DISCUSS MUCH ♪
♪ JUST DROP OFF THE KEY, LEE ♪
♪ AND GET YOURSELF FREE ♪
♪ JUST DROP OFF THE KEY, LEE ♪
♪ AND GET YOURSELF FREE ♪
♪ OOH, SLIP OUT THE BACK, JACK ♪
♪ AND GET YOURSELF FREE ♪
♪ OOH, SLIP OUT THE BACK, JACK ♪
♪ MAKE A NEW PLAN, STAN ♪
♪ OOH, SLIP OUT THE BACK, JACK ♪
♪ MAKE A NEW PLAN, STAN ♪
♪ DON'T NEED TO BE COY, ROY ♪
♪ MAKE A NEW PLAN, STAN ♪
♪ DON'T NEED TO BE COY, ROY ♪
♪ JUST LISTEN TO ME ♪
♪ DON'T NEED TO BE COY, ROY ♪
♪ JUST LISTEN TO ME ♪
♪ HOP ON THE BUS, GUS ♪
♪ JUST LISTEN TO ME ♪
♪ HOP ON THE BUS, GUS ♪
♪ YOU DON'T NEED TO DISCUSS
♪ HOP ON THE BUS, GUS ♪
♪ YOU DON'T NEED TO DISCUSS
MUCH ♪
♪ YOU DON'T NEED TO DISCUSS
MUCH ♪
♪ JUST DROP OFF THE KEY, LEE ♪
MUCH ♪
♪ JUST DROP OFF THE KEY, LEE ♪
♪ AND GET YOURSELF FREE ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
HELLO! I'M BABA WAWA!
AND WELCOME TO
"BABA WAWA AT WARGE."
AND WELCOME TO
"BABA WAWA AT WARGE."
WE ARE INDEED WUCKY TO HAVE AS
"BABA WAWA AT WARGE."
WE ARE INDEED WUCKY TO HAVE AS
OUR GUEST TONIGHT THE GWEATWY
WE ARE INDEED WUCKY TO HAVE AS
OUR GUEST TONIGHT THE GWEATWY
WESPECTED AND WORLD-WENOWNED
OUR GUEST TONIGHT THE GWEATWY
WESPECTED AND WORLD-WENOWNED
CWEATOR OF SHUTTLE DIPWOMACY,
WESPECTED AND WORLD-WENOWNED
CWEATOR OF SHUTTLE DIPWOMACY,
SOMETIMES CONTROVEWSIAL, BUT
CWEATOR OF SHUTTLE DIPWOMACY,
SOMETIMES CONTROVEWSIAL, BUT
TO MY MIND, A WEALLY WEGULAR
SOMETIMES CONTROVEWSIAL, BUT
TO MY MIND, A WEALLY WEGULAR
GUY... SECWETARY OF STATE
TO MY MIND, A WEALLY WEGULAR
GUY... SECWETARY OF STATE
DR. HENWY KISSINGER.
GUY... SECWETARY OF STATE
DR. HENWY KISSINGER.
DR. KISSINGER, YOU ONCE SAID
DR. HENWY KISSINGER.
DR. KISSINGER, YOU ONCE SAID
THAT POWER IS THE GWEATEST
DR. KISSINGER, YOU ONCE SAID
THAT POWER IS THE GWEATEST
APHWODISIAC.
THAT POWER IS THE GWEATEST
APHWODISIAC.
WHAT EXACTLY TO YOU MEAN BY
APHWODISIAC.
WHAT EXACTLY TO YOU MEAN BY
THIS?
WHAT EXACTLY TO YOU MEAN BY
THIS?
[German accent] WELL, HAVE
THIS?
[German accent] WELL, HAVE
YOU EVER STUDIED A NUCLEAR
[German accent] WELL, HAVE
YOU EVER STUDIED A NUCLEAR
WARHEAD?
YOU EVER STUDIED A NUCLEAR
WARHEAD?
ONCE, WHEN I WAS WORKING ON A
WARHEAD?
ONCE, WHEN I WAS WORKING ON A
WHITE PAPER WEPORT ON NUCWEAR
ONCE, WHEN I WAS WORKING ON A
WHITE PAPER WEPORT ON NUCWEAR
PROWIFEWATION.
WHITE PAPER WEPORT ON NUCWEAR
PROWIFEWATION.
DR. KISSINGER, IN A PWEVIOUS
PROWIFEWATION.
DR. KISSINGER, IN A PWEVIOUS
INTERVIEW WITH THE ITALIAN
DR. KISSINGER, IN A PWEVIOUS
INTERVIEW WITH THE ITALIAN
BABA WAWA, AWIANA FAWACCI, OR
INTERVIEW WITH THE ITALIAN
BABA WAWA, AWIANA FAWACCI, OR
WHATEVER HER NAME IS, YOU
BABA WAWA, AWIANA FAWACCI, OR
WHATEVER HER NAME IS, YOU
WEFERRED TO YOURSELF AS A
WHATEVER HER NAME IS, YOU
WEFERRED TO YOURSELF AS A
GUNSWINGER, SORT OF A WONE
WEFERRED TO YOURSELF AS A
GUNSWINGER, SORT OF A WONE
WANGER OF FOWEIGN POWICY.
GUNSWINGER, SORT OF A WONE
WANGER OF FOWEIGN POWICY.
UH...
WANGER OF FOWEIGN POWICY.
UH...
OH...
UH...
OH...
NO.
OH...
NO.
LONE RANGER?
NO.
LONE RANGER?
I NEVER SAID THAT.
LONE RANGER?
I NEVER SAID THAT.
LONE RANGER? COME ON.
I NEVER SAID THAT.
LONE RANGER? COME ON.
BUT, DR. KISSINGER, YOU DID
LONE RANGER? COME ON.
BUT, DR. KISSINGER, YOU DID
WEFER TO PRESIDENT NIXON AS
BUT, DR. KISSINGER, YOU DID
WEFER TO PRESIDENT NIXON AS
THE MEATBALL PWESIDENT.
WEFER TO PRESIDENT NIXON AS
THE MEATBALL PWESIDENT.
NOW, WHAT DO YOU CALL
THE MEATBALL PWESIDENT.
NOW, WHAT DO YOU CALL
PWESIDENT FORD?
NOW, WHAT DO YOU CALL
PWESIDENT FORD?
TONTO.
PWESIDENT FORD?
TONTO.
JUST KIDDING. TONTO.
TONTO.
JUST KIDDING. TONTO.
DOCTOR, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY
JUST KIDDING. TONTO.
DOCTOR, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY
WAS THE HIGH POINT OF YOUR
DOCTOR, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY
WAS THE HIGH POINT OF YOUR
TENURE AS SECWETARY OF STATE?
WAS THE HIGH POINT OF YOUR
TENURE AS SECWETARY OF STATE?
WELL, I WOULD SAY IN 1973
TENURE AS SECWETARY OF STATE?
WELL, I WOULD SAY IN 1973
WHEN I WON THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
WELL, I WOULD SAY IN 1973
WHEN I WON THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
FOR ENDING THE VIETNAM WAR.
WHEN I WON THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
FOR ENDING THE VIETNAM WAR.
AND THE LOW POINT?
FOR ENDING THE VIETNAM WAR.
AND THE LOW POINT?
I'D SAY 1975 WHEN THE
AND THE LOW POINT?
I'D SAY 1975 WHEN THE
VIETNAM WAR ENDED.
I'D SAY 1975 WHEN THE
VIETNAM WAR ENDED.
DR. KISSINGER, IN CONCWUSION,
VIETNAM WAR ENDED.
DR. KISSINGER, IN CONCWUSION,
THERE IS ONE THING THAT WEAWY,
DR. KISSINGER, IN CONCWUSION,
THERE IS ONE THING THAT WEAWY,
WEAWY IWITATES ME ABOUT YOU...
THERE IS ONE THING THAT WEAWY,
WEAWY IWITATES ME ABOUT YOU...
AFTER 40 YEARS OF BEING IN THIS
WEAWY IWITATES ME ABOUT YOU...
AFTER 40 YEARS OF BEING IN THIS
COUNTWY, WHY DO YOU STILL TALK
AFTER 40 YEARS OF BEING IN THIS
COUNTWY, WHY DO YOU STILL TALK
WITH THAT SIWWY, SIWWY ACCENT?
COUNTWY, WHY DO YOU STILL TALK
WITH THAT SIWWY, SIWWY ACCENT?
WELL, IF YOU TALK WITH A
WITH THAT SIWWY, SIWWY ACCENT?
WELL, IF YOU TALK WITH A
GERMAN ACCENT, IT HELPS PEOPLE
WELL, IF YOU TALK WITH A
GERMAN ACCENT, IT HELPS PEOPLE
FORGET THAT YOU ARE JEWISH, YOU
GERMAN ACCENT, IT HELPS PEOPLE
FORGET THAT YOU ARE JEWISH, YOU
SEE?
FORGET THAT YOU ARE JEWISH, YOU
SEE?
CAN YOU SAY THIS...
SEE?
CAN YOU SAY THIS...
"I AM A WEAWY, WEAWY FAT,
CAN YOU SAY THIS...
"I AM A WEAWY, WEAWY FAT,
WOWY-POWY DIPLOMAT"?
"I AM A WEAWY, WEAWY FAT,
WOWY-POWY DIPLOMAT"?
"I'M A WEAWY, WEAWY FAT,
WOWY-POWY DIPLOMAT"?
"I'M A WEAWY, WEAWY FAT,
WOWY-POWY DIPLOMAT," YOU
"I'M A WEAWY, WEAWY FAT,
WOWY-POWY DIPLOMAT," YOU
SIWWY WABBIT.
WOWY-POWY DIPLOMAT," YOU
SIWWY WABBIT.
OKAY?
SIWWY WABBIT.
OKAY?
WE'VE JUST ABOUT WUN OUT OF
OKAY?
WE'VE JUST ABOUT WUN OUT OF
TIME.
WE'VE JUST ABOUT WUN OUT OF
TIME.
DOCTOR, AS EVERYONE KNOWS, I,
TIME.
DOCTOR, AS EVERYONE KNOWS, I,
BABA WAWA, WAS THE FIRST TO
DOCTOR, AS EVERYONE KNOWS, I,
BABA WAWA, WAS THE FIRST TO
EXCLUSIVEWY INTERVIEW YOU AS
BABA WAWA, WAS THE FIRST TO
EXCLUSIVEWY INTERVIEW YOU AS
SECRETAWY OF STATE.
EXCLUSIVEWY INTERVIEW YOU AS
SECRETAWY OF STATE.
NOW, WITH
SECRETAWY OF STATE.
NOW, WITH
PWESIDENT-EWECT CARTER,
NOW, WITH
PWESIDENT-EWECT CARTER,
WHO PWOMISED TO WEPWACE YOU,
PWESIDENT-EWECT CARTER,
WHO PWOMISED TO WEPWACE YOU,
I MAY BE THE WAST.
WHO PWOMISED TO WEPWACE YOU,
I MAY BE THE WAST.
HAVE YOU ANY FINAL WORDS FOR
I MAY BE THE WAST.
HAVE YOU ANY FINAL WORDS FOR
THE AMEWICAN PUBWIC?
HAVE YOU ANY FINAL WORDS FOR
THE AMEWICAN PUBWIC?
NO.
THE AMEWICAN PUBWIC?
NO.
THANK YOU VEWY MUCH.
NO.
THANK YOU VEWY MUCH.
THIS IS BABA WAWA SAYING HAVE A
THANK YOU VEWY MUCH.
THIS IS BABA WAWA SAYING HAVE A
PWEASANT WEEKEND.
THIS IS BABA WAWA SAYING HAVE A
PWEASANT WEEKEND.
[MUMBLES]
["TWILIGHT ZONE" THEME PLAYS]
YOU'RE TRAVELING TO ANOTHER
DIMENSION, A DIMENSION OF TIME
AND OF SPACE, A DIMENSION OF
DIMENSION, A DIMENSION OF TIME
AND OF SPACE, A DIMENSION OF
SIGHT AND OF MIND.
AND OF SPACE, A DIMENSION OF
SIGHT AND OF MIND.
YOU'RE MOVING INTO A LAND OF
SIGHT AND OF MIND.
YOU'RE MOVING INTO A LAND OF
BOTH SHADOW AND SUBSTANCE.
YOU'RE MOVING INTO A LAND OF
BOTH SHADOW AND SUBSTANCE.
YOU'VE JUST CROSSED OVER INTO
BOTH SHADOW AND SUBSTANCE.
YOU'VE JUST CROSSED OVER INTO
THE "TWILITE ZONE."
YOU'VE JUST CROSSED OVER INTO
THE "TWILITE ZONE."
MEET BETTY MARTIN.
THE "TWILITE ZONE."
MEET BETTY MARTIN.
AGE 27.
MEET BETTY MARTIN.
AGE 27.
A STRUGGLING ACTRESS WORKING AS
AGE 27.
A STRUGGLING ACTRESS WORKING AS
A MODEL.
A STRUGGLING ACTRESS WORKING AS
A MODEL.
TOLD TO MEET A CERTAIN PRODUCER
A MODEL.
TOLD TO MEET A CERTAIN PRODUCER
BY HER AGENT PEGGY, WHO'S JUST
TOLD TO MEET A CERTAIN PRODUCER
BY HER AGENT PEGGY, WHO'S JUST
CHECKED INTO ROOM 16 OF THE
BY HER AGENT PEGGY, WHO'S JUST
CHECKED INTO ROOM 16 OF THE
BLAINE MOTEL, A MOTEL WHERE
CHECKED INTO ROOM 16 OF THE
BLAINE MOTEL, A MOTEL WHERE
THERE ARE NO CHECK-OUT TIMES, NO
BLAINE MOTEL, A MOTEL WHERE
THERE ARE NO CHECK-OUT TIMES, NO
ROOM SERVICE, AND, FOR SOME
THERE ARE NO CHECK-OUT TIMES, NO
ROOM SERVICE, AND, FOR SOME
REASON, NO SINKS.
ROOM SERVICE, AND, FOR SOME
REASON, NO SINKS.
SHE'S JUST GOTTEN A ROOM
REASON, NO SINKS.
SHE'S JUST GOTTEN A ROOM
RESERVED FOR GUESTS OF THE
SHE'S JUST GOTTEN A ROOM
RESERVED FOR GUESTS OF THE
"TWILITE ZONE."
RESERVED FOR GUESTS OF THE
"TWILITE ZONE."
[KEYS JINGLE]
"TWILITE ZONE."
[KEYS JINGLE]
[SCREAMS]
[KEYS JINGLE]
[SCREAMS]
[GASPS]
[SCREAMS]
[GASPS]
I'M TERRIBLY SORRY!
[GASPS]
I'M TERRIBLY SORRY!
MY GOODNESS.
I'M TERRIBLY SORRY!
MY GOODNESS.
YOU FRIGHTENED ME.
MY GOODNESS.
YOU FRIGHTENED ME.
WELL, I'M SUPPOSED TO MEET
YOU FRIGHTENED ME.
WELL, I'M SUPPOSED TO MEET
SOMEONE HERE.
WELL, I'M SUPPOSED TO MEET
SOMEONE HERE.
THIS IS ROOM 16, ISN'T IT?
SOMEONE HERE.
THIS IS ROOM 16, ISN'T IT?
YES.
THIS IS ROOM 16, ISN'T IT?
YES.
MEET MEET SYLVIA TOWNSEND.
YES.
MEET MEET SYLVIA TOWNSEND.
AGE 26.
MEET MEET SYLVIA TOWNSEND.
AGE 26.
A STRUGGLING ACTRESS WORKING
AGE 26.
A STRUGGLING ACTRESS WORKING
NIGHTS AS A COCKTAIL WAITRESS AT
A STRUGGLING ACTRESS WORKING
NIGHTS AS A COCKTAIL WAITRESS AT
THE EL PADRINO BAR, A SEEDY
NIGHTS AS A COCKTAIL WAITRESS AT
THE EL PADRINO BAR, A SEEDY
ESTABLISHMENT PATRONIZED
THE EL PADRINO BAR, A SEEDY
ESTABLISHMENT PATRONIZED
BY DOWN-AND-OUT THEATRICAL
ESTABLISHMENT PATRONIZED
BY DOWN-AND-OUT THEATRICAL
AGENTS.
BY DOWN-AND-OUT THEATRICAL
AGENTS.
SYLVIA, TOO, HAS JUST CHECKED
AGENTS.
SYLVIA, TOO, HAS JUST CHECKED
INTO THE "TWILITE ZONE."
SYLVIA, TOO, HAS JUST CHECKED
INTO THE "TWILITE ZONE."
[SIGHS]
INTO THE "TWILITE ZONE."
[SIGHS]
YOU FRIGHTENED ME AT FIRST.
[SIGHS]
YOU FRIGHTENED ME AT FIRST.
THEY MUST HAVE MADE A MISTAKE AT
YOU FRIGHTENED ME AT FIRST.
THEY MUST HAVE MADE A MISTAKE AT
THE DESK.
THEY MUST HAVE MADE A MISTAKE AT
THE DESK.
HERE, YOU SIT, AND I'LL GO CALL.
THE DESK.
HERE, YOU SIT, AND I'LL GO CALL.
THIS REALLY IS UNUSUAL.
HERE, YOU SIT, AND I'LL GO CALL.
THIS REALLY IS UNUSUAL.
A CUSTOMER OF MINE SAID HE WAS A
THIS REALLY IS UNUSUAL.
A CUSTOMER OF MINE SAID HE WAS A
PRODUCER, AND HE HAD ME MEET HIM
A CUSTOMER OF MINE SAID HE WAS A
PRODUCER, AND HE HAD ME MEET HIM
UP HERE IN THIS ROOM FOR AN
PRODUCER, AND HE HAD ME MEET HIM
UP HERE IN THIS ROOM FOR AN
AUDITION.
UP HERE IN THIS ROOM FOR AN
AUDITION.
THE LINE IS DEAD.
AUDITION.
THE LINE IS DEAD.
[KEYS JINGLING]
THE LINE IS DEAD.
[KEYS JINGLING]
[DOOR RATTLING]
[KEYS JINGLING]
[DOOR RATTLING]
OH! IS THIS ROOM 16?
[DOOR RATTLING]
OH! IS THIS ROOM 16?
Both: YES!
OH! IS THIS ROOM 16?
Both: YES!
NO WONDER IT WAS ONLY $7 A
Both: YES!
NO WONDER IT WAS ONLY $7 A
NIGHT.
NO WONDER IT WAS ONLY $7 A
NIGHT.
YOU HAVE TO SHARE.
NIGHT.
YOU HAVE TO SHARE.
MEET RHONDA FRIEDMAN.
YOU HAVE TO SHARE.
MEET RHONDA FRIEDMAN.
AGE 26.
MEET RHONDA FRIEDMAN.
AGE 26.
A STRUGGLING ACTRESS CURRENTLY
AGE 26.
A STRUGGLING ACTRESS CURRENTLY
WORKING IN A FACTORY TESTING
A STRUGGLING ACTRESS CURRENTLY
WORKING IN A FACTORY TESTING
RUBBER GLOVES FOR IMPERFECTIONS.
WORKING IN A FACTORY TESTING
RUBBER GLOVES FOR IMPERFECTIONS.
WHAT RHONDA DOESN'T KNOW IS
RUBBER GLOVES FOR IMPERFECTIONS.
WHAT RHONDA DOESN'T KNOW IS
THAT SHE, TOO, HAS JUST ENTERED
WHAT RHONDA DOESN'T KNOW IS
THAT SHE, TOO, HAS JUST ENTERED
THE "TWILITE ZONE."
THAT SHE, TOO, HAS JUST ENTERED
THE "TWILITE ZONE."
I GUESS THERE MUST BE
THE "TWILITE ZONE."
I GUESS THERE MUST BE
SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE MANAGER
I GUESS THERE MUST BE
SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE MANAGER
OF THIS PLACE, SENDING ALL THREE
SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE MANAGER
OF THIS PLACE, SENDING ALL THREE
OF US YOUNG ACTRESSES TO THE
OF THIS PLACE, SENDING ALL THREE
OF US YOUNG ACTRESSES TO THE
SAME ROOM.
OF US YOUNG ACTRESSES TO THE
SAME ROOM.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
SAME ROOM.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
WHAT IS IT?!
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
WHAT IS IT?!
ROO-O-O-M SERVICE!
WHAT IS IT?!
ROO-O-O-M SERVICE!
ROOM SERVICE?
ROO-O-O-M SERVICE!
ROOM SERVICE?
UH-HUH.
ROOM SERVICE?
UH-HUH.
CHAMPAGNE.
UH-HUH.
CHAMPAGNE.
CHAMPAGNE?
CHAMPAGNE.
CHAMPAGNE?
YES.
CHAMPAGNE?
YES.
IT'S FROM A... MR. SERLING.
YES.
IT'S FROM A... MR. SERLING.
THAT'S FUNNY.
IT'S FROM A... MR. SERLING.
THAT'S FUNNY.
I DIDN'T KNOW THIS MOTEL HAD
THAT'S FUNNY.
I DIDN'T KNOW THIS MOTEL HAD
ROOM SERVICE.
I DIDN'T KNOW THIS MOTEL HAD
ROOM SERVICE.
WAIT! THERE'S MORE.
ROOM SERVICE.
WAIT! THERE'S MORE.
"COMPLIMENTS OF... THE
WAIT! THERE'S MORE.
"COMPLIMENTS OF... THE
'TWILITE ZONE.'"
"COMPLIMENTS OF... THE
'TWILITE ZONE.'"
[DOOR LOCKS]
'TWILITE ZONE.'"
[DOOR LOCKS]
[SQUEALS]
[DOOR LOCKS]
[SQUEALS]
THERE'S SOMEONE LOCKING THE
[SQUEALS]
THERE'S SOMEONE LOCKING THE
DOOR!
THERE'S SOMEONE LOCKING THE
DOOR!
NO!
DOOR!
NO!
[ALL SQUEALING]
NO!
[ALL SQUEALING]
SUBMITTED FOR YOUR
[ALL SQUEALING]
SUBMITTED FOR YOUR
APPROVAL...
SUBMITTED FOR YOUR
APPROVAL...
THREE PRETTY GIRLS,
APPROVAL...
THREE PRETTY GIRLS,
ALL OF THEM ACTRESSES,
THREE PRETTY GIRLS,
ALL OF THEM ACTRESSES,
LOCKED IN A MOTEL ROOM, EACH
ALL OF THEM ACTRESSES,
LOCKED IN A MOTEL ROOM, EACH
POSSESSING SIMILAR CHARMS AND
LOCKED IN A MOTEL ROOM, EACH
POSSESSING SIMILAR CHARMS AND
TALENTS.
POSSESSING SIMILAR CHARMS AND
TALENTS.
VICTIMS OF A BIZARRE JOKE,
TALENTS.
VICTIMS OF A BIZARRE JOKE,
PERHAPS.
VICTIMS OF A BIZARRE JOKE,
PERHAPS.
OR PERHAPS THIS... A MAN CREATES
PERHAPS.
OR PERHAPS THIS... A MAN CREATES
A TELEVISION SHOW.
OR PERHAPS THIS... A MAN CREATES
A TELEVISION SHOW.
HE GOES TO A LOT OF PARTIES.
A TELEVISION SHOW.
HE GOES TO A LOT OF PARTIES.
HE MEETS A LOT OF PRETTY
HE GOES TO A LOT OF PARTIES.
HE MEETS A LOT OF PRETTY
ACTRESSES.
HE MEETS A LOT OF PRETTY
ACTRESSES.
HE WAKES UP IN THE MORNING.
ACTRESSES.
HE WAKES UP IN THE MORNING.
PERHAPS HE'S HAD A LITTLE TOO
HE WAKES UP IN THE MORNING.
PERHAPS HE'S HAD A LITTLE TOO
MUCH TO DRINK.
PERHAPS HE'S HAD A LITTLE TOO
MUCH TO DRINK.
HE DOESN'T REMEMBER THE PROMISES
MUCH TO DRINK.
HE DOESN'T REMEMBER THE PROMISES
HE MADE THE NIGHT BEFORE.
HE DOESN'T REMEMBER THE PROMISES
HE MADE THE NIGHT BEFORE.
ALTHOUGH HE'S A BRILLIANT WRITER
HE MADE THE NIGHT BEFORE.
ALTHOUGH HE'S A BRILLIANT WRITER
AND CREATOR, HE IS ALSO HUMAN,
ALTHOUGH HE'S A BRILLIANT WRITER
AND CREATOR, HE IS ALSO HUMAN,
AND HE HAS HIS NEEDS.
AND CREATOR, HE IS ALSO HUMAN,
AND HE HAS HIS NEEDS.
THAT'S WHY HE ARRANGED THIS
AND HE HAS HIS NEEDS.
THAT'S WHY HE ARRANGED THIS
MEETING, AND, IN A FEW MOMENTS,
THAT'S WHY HE ARRANGED THIS
MEETING, AND, IN A FEW MOMENTS,
WILL CROSS FOREVER INTO THE
MEETING, AND, IN A FEW MOMENTS,
WILL CROSS FOREVER INTO THE
"TWILITE ZONE."
WILL CROSS FOREVER INTO THE
"TWILITE ZONE."
["TWILIGHT ZONE" THEME PLAYS]
Announcer: AND NOW,
"WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH
JANE CURTIN.
GOOD EVENING.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...
A LONG-TERM STUDY OF
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...
A LONG-TERM STUDY OF
CONTRACEPTION HAS RESULTED IN A
A LONG-TERM STUDY OF
CONTRACEPTION HAS RESULTED IN A
HIGHLY FAVORABLE EVALUATION OF
CONTRACEPTION HAS RESULTED IN A
HIGHLY FAVORABLE EVALUATION OF
THE DIAPHRAGM, AS OPPOSED TO THE
HIGHLY FAVORABLE EVALUATION OF
THE DIAPHRAGM, AS OPPOSED TO THE
ORAL CONTRACEPTIVE PILL...
THE DIAPHRAGM, AS OPPOSED TO THE
ORAL CONTRACEPTIVE PILL...
WHICH HAS HAD CONTROVERSIES OVER
ORAL CONTRACEPTIVE PILL...
WHICH HAS HAD CONTROVERSIES OVER
ITS SIDE EFFECTS.
WHICH HAS HAD CONTROVERSIES OVER
ITS SIDE EFFECTS.
THE MAJOR COMPLAINT ABOUT THE
ITS SIDE EFFECTS.
THE MAJOR COMPLAINT ABOUT THE
DIAPHRAGM, COMPARED TO THE PILL,
THE MAJOR COMPLAINT ABOUT THE
DIAPHRAGM, COMPARED TO THE PILL,
IS THAT THE DIAPHRAGM IS MUCH
DIAPHRAGM, COMPARED TO THE PILL,
IS THAT THE DIAPHRAGM IS MUCH
HARDER TO SWALLOW.
IS THAT THE DIAPHRAGM IS MUCH
HARDER TO SWALLOW.
[LAUGHTER]
HARDER TO SWALLOW.
[LAUGHTER]
PATTY HEARST WAS RELEASED FROM
[LAUGHTER]
PATTY HEARST WAS RELEASED FROM
PRISON ON BAIL YESTERDAY,
PATTY HEARST WAS RELEASED FROM
PRISON ON BAIL YESTERDAY,
PENDING APPEALS OF HER TRIAL AT
PRISON ON BAIL YESTERDAY,
PENDING APPEALS OF HER TRIAL AT
A LATER DATE.
PENDING APPEALS OF HER TRIAL AT
A LATER DATE.
SHE WAS TAKEN FROM HER CELL AND
A LATER DATE.
SHE WAS TAKEN FROM HER CELL AND
DRIVEN HOME IN THE TRUNK OF A
SHE WAS TAKEN FROM HER CELL AND
DRIVEN HOME IN THE TRUNK OF A
CAR AND LOCKED IN A CLOSET FOR
DRIVEN HOME IN THE TRUNK OF A
CAR AND LOCKED IN A CLOSET FOR
OBVIOUS REASON OF SECURITY.
CAR AND LOCKED IN A CLOSET FOR
OBVIOUS REASON OF SECURITY.
THE BAIL WAS $1.5 MILLION IN
OBVIOUS REASON OF SECURITY.
THE BAIL WAS $1.5 MILLION IN
CASH AND BONDS, AND ALTHOUGH
THE BAIL WAS $1.5 MILLION IN
CASH AND BONDS, AND ALTHOUGH
OFFICIALS DENY THAT THE HEARST
CASH AND BONDS, AND ALTHOUGH
OFFICIALS DENY THAT THE HEARST
FORTUNE BOUGHT PATTY'S RELEASE,
OFFICIALS DENY THAT THE HEARST
FORTUNE BOUGHT PATTY'S RELEASE,
THEY DIDN'T DENY THAT THE
FORTUNE BOUGHT PATTY'S RELEASE,
THEY DIDN'T DENY THAT THE
CALIFORNIA STATE BUDGET HAS
THEY DIDN'T DENY THAT THE
CALIFORNIA STATE BUDGET HAS
FINALLY BEEN BALANCED FOR THE
CALIFORNIA STATE BUDGET HAS
FINALLY BEEN BALANCED FOR THE
FIRST TIME IN 75 YEARS.
FINALLY BEEN BALANCED FOR THE
FIRST TIME IN 75 YEARS.
STEVEN WEED, PATTY'S EX-FIANCé,
FIRST TIME IN 75 YEARS.
STEVEN WEED, PATTY'S EX-FIANCé,
WAS ASKED IF THE THOUGHT THE
STEVEN WEED, PATTY'S EX-FIANCé,
WAS ASKED IF THE THOUGHT THE
COUPLE WOULD GET BACK TOGETHER
WAS ASKED IF THE THOUGHT THE
COUPLE WOULD GET BACK TOGETHER
NOW THAT SHE'S HOME.
COUPLE WOULD GET BACK TOGETHER
NOW THAT SHE'S HOME.
WEED ANSWERED, "I'M USUALLY VERY
NOW THAT SHE'S HOME.
WEED ANSWERED, "I'M USUALLY VERY
UNDERSTANDING, BUT THIS GIRL HAS
WEED ANSWERED, "I'M USUALLY VERY
UNDERSTANDING, BUT THIS GIRL HAS
A LOT OF EXPLAINING TO DO."
UNDERSTANDING, BUT THIS GIRL HAS
A LOT OF EXPLAINING TO DO."
A REPORT RELEASED THIS WEEK BY
A LOT OF EXPLAINING TO DO."
A REPORT RELEASED THIS WEEK BY
CARTER CAMPAIGN TREASURER
A REPORT RELEASED THIS WEEK BY
CARTER CAMPAIGN TREASURER
ROBERT LIPSCHUTZ STATES THAT
CARTER CAMPAIGN TREASURER
ROBERT LIPSCHUTZ STATES THAT
JIMMY CARTER SPENT NEARLY
ROBERT LIPSCHUTZ STATES THAT
JIMMY CARTER SPENT NEARLY
$35 MILLION TO WIN THE
JIMMY CARTER SPENT NEARLY
$35 MILLION TO WIN THE
PRESIDENCY.
$35 MILLION TO WIN THE
PRESIDENCY.
THE PRESIDENT-ELECT IS SHOWN
PRESIDENCY.
THE PRESIDENT-ELECT IS SHOWN
HERE BEGGING ON THE STREETS OF
THE PRESIDENT-ELECT IS SHOWN
HERE BEGGING ON THE STREETS OF
PLAINS FOR MONEY TO MAKE UP HIS
HERE BEGGING ON THE STREETS OF
PLAINS FOR MONEY TO MAKE UP HIS
DEFICIT.
PLAINS FOR MONEY TO MAKE UP HIS
DEFICIT.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
DEFICIT.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
AT A PRIVATE BUSINESS GATHERING
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
AT A PRIVATE BUSINESS GATHERING
IN BOSTON, FORMER CALIFORNIA
AT A PRIVATE BUSINESS GATHERING
IN BOSTON, FORMER CALIFORNIA
GOVERNOR RONALD REAGAN SAID
IN BOSTON, FORMER CALIFORNIA
GOVERNOR RONALD REAGAN SAID
YESTERDAY THAT "IF AMERICA'S
GOVERNOR RONALD REAGAN SAID
YESTERDAY THAT "IF AMERICA'S
TWO-PARTY SYSTEM IS TO SURVIVE,
YESTERDAY THAT "IF AMERICA'S
TWO-PARTY SYSTEM IS TO SURVIVE,
THE REPUBLICAN PARTY NEEDS A NEW
TWO-PARTY SYSTEM IS TO SURVIVE,
THE REPUBLICAN PARTY NEEDS A NEW
SUPPORTING COALITION AND A NEW
THE REPUBLICAN PARTY NEEDS A NEW
SUPPORTING COALITION AND A NEW
NAME."
SUPPORTING COALITION AND A NEW
NAME."
TODAY, G.O.P. HEADQUARTERS IS
NAME."
TODAY, G.O.P. HEADQUARTERS IS
BEING FLOODED BY SUGGESTIONS
TODAY, G.O.P. HEADQUARTERS IS
BEING FLOODED BY SUGGESTIONS
FOR THE NEW NAME, THE MOST
BEING FLOODED BY SUGGESTIONS
FOR THE NEW NAME, THE MOST
POPULAR OF WHICH IS [BLEEP]
FOR THE NEW NAME, THE MOST
POPULAR OF WHICH IS [BLEEP]
FOLLOWED BY [BLEEP] AND FINALLY
POPULAR OF WHICH IS [BLEEP]
FOLLOWED BY [BLEEP] AND FINALLY
"THE SUPREMES."
FOLLOWED BY [BLEEP] AND FINALLY
"THE SUPREMES."
[LAUGHTER]
"THE SUPREMES."
[LAUGHTER]
WELL, FOR QUITE SOME TIME NOW,
[LAUGHTER]
WELL, FOR QUITE SOME TIME NOW,
THE AREA KNOWN AS THE
WELL, FOR QUITE SOME TIME NOW,
THE AREA KNOWN AS THE
BERMUDA TRIANGLE HAS
THE AREA KNOWN AS THE
BERMUDA TRIANGLE HAS
MYSTERIOUSLY ACCOUNTED FOR THE
BERMUDA TRIANGLE HAS
MYSTERIOUSLY ACCOUNTED FOR THE
DISAPPEARANCE OF PLANES AND
MYSTERIOUSLY ACCOUNTED FOR THE
DISAPPEARANCE OF PLANES AND
BOATS THAT TRAVEL THROUGH IT.
DISAPPEARANCE OF PLANES AND
BOATS THAT TRAVEL THROUGH IT.
BUT TODAY, IT WAS DISCOVERED
BOATS THAT TRAVEL THROUGH IT.
BUT TODAY, IT WAS DISCOVERED
THAT THE TRIANGLE WAS ONLY PART
BUT TODAY, IT WAS DISCOVERED
THAT THE TRIANGLE WAS ONLY PART
OF A LARGER CONFIGURATION, NOW
THAT THE TRIANGLE WAS ONLY PART
OF A LARGER CONFIGURATION, NOW
BEING REFERRED TO AS THE BERMUDA
OF A LARGER CONFIGURATION, NOW
BEING REFERRED TO AS THE BERMUDA
SHORTS.
BEING REFERRED TO AS THE BERMUDA
SHORTS.
[LAUGHTER]
SHORTS.
[LAUGHTER]
ALTHOUGH STILL AT A LOSS AS TO
[LAUGHTER]
ALTHOUGH STILL AT A LOSS AS TO
HOW THE BOATS AND PLANES ARE
ALTHOUGH STILL AT A LOSS AS TO
HOW THE BOATS AND PLANES ARE
LOST, SCIENTISTS SAY THAT THE
HOW THE BOATS AND PLANES ARE
LOST, SCIENTISTS SAY THAT THE
REVELATION DOES SHED SOME LIGHT
LOST, SCIENTISTS SAY THAT THE
REVELATION DOES SHED SOME LIGHT
AS TO WHY ALL THE FISH IN THE
REVELATION DOES SHED SOME LIGHT
AS TO WHY ALL THE FISH IN THE
AREA ARE WEARING KNEE SOCKS.
AS TO WHY ALL THE FISH IN THE
AREA ARE WEARING KNEE SOCKS.
THIS STORY FROM BELGRADE,
AREA ARE WEARING KNEE SOCKS.
THIS STORY FROM BELGRADE,
YUGOSLAVIA.
THIS STORY FROM BELGRADE,
YUGOSLAVIA.
CONTRARY TO PREVIOUS REPORTS,
YUGOSLAVIA.
CONTRARY TO PREVIOUS REPORTS,
YUGOSLAV PRESIDENT TITO AND
CONTRARY TO PREVIOUS REPORTS,
YUGOSLAV PRESIDENT TITO AND
SOVIET LEADER LEONID BREZHNEV DO
YUGOSLAV PRESIDENT TITO AND
SOVIET LEADER LEONID BREZHNEV DO
CLOSE THEIR EYES WHEN THEY KISS.
SOVIET LEADER LEONID BREZHNEV DO
CLOSE THEIR EYES WHEN THEY KISS.
[LAUGHTER]
CLOSE THEIR EYES WHEN THEY KISS.
[LAUGHTER]
ACTOR HARRY REEMS, THE LARGEST
[LAUGHTER]
ACTOR HARRY REEMS, THE LARGEST
MEMBER OF THE CAST OF
ACTOR HARRY REEMS, THE LARGEST
MEMBER OF THE CAST OF
"DEEP THROAT," ATTENDED A
MEMBER OF THE CAST OF
"DEEP THROAT," ATTENDED A
STAR-STUDDED PARTY TO RAISE
"DEEP THROAT," ATTENDED A
STAR-STUDDED PARTY TO RAISE
MONEY FOR HIS LEGAL-DEFENSE
STAR-STUDDED PARTY TO RAISE
MONEY FOR HIS LEGAL-DEFENSE
FUND.
MONEY FOR HIS LEGAL-DEFENSE
FUND.
IT WAS THERE THAT THE ACTOR
FUND.
IT WAS THERE THAT THE ACTOR
UNVEILED A NEW HARRY REEMS
IT WAS THERE THAT THE ACTOR
UNVEILED A NEW HARRY REEMS
COCKTAIL, WHICH, ALTHOUGH IT
UNVEILED A NEW HARRY REEMS
COCKTAIL, WHICH, ALTHOUGH IT
CONTAINS NO BEER, STILL HAS A
COCKTAIL, WHICH, ALTHOUGH IT
CONTAINS NO BEER, STILL HAS A
HEAD.
CONTAINS NO BEER, STILL HAS A
HEAD.
[LAUGHTER]
HEAD.
[LAUGHTER]
IT'S MY JOB, MOM.
[LAUGHTER]
IT'S MY JOB, MOM.
I'M SORRY.
IT'S MY JOB, MOM.
I'M SORRY.
NOW THIS FILM REPORT FROM
I'M SORRY.
NOW THIS FILM REPORT FROM
CORRESPONDENT LARAINE NEWMAN.
NOW THIS FILM REPORT FROM
CORRESPONDENT LARAINE NEWMAN.
THIS IS LARAINE NEWMAN
CORRESPONDENT LARAINE NEWMAN.
THIS IS LARAINE NEWMAN
REPORTING FROM SLEEPY MINEOLA,
THIS IS LARAINE NEWMAN
REPORTING FROM SLEEPY MINEOLA,
LONG ISLAND, WHERE LAST WEEK IT
REPORTING FROM SLEEPY MINEOLA,
LONG ISLAND, WHERE LAST WEEK IT
WAS DISCLOSED THAT LONG-TIME
LONG ISLAND, WHERE LAST WEEK IT
WAS DISCLOSED THAT LONG-TIME
RESIDENT BOLESLAV MAIKOVSKIS
WAS DISCLOSED THAT LONG-TIME
RESIDENT BOLESLAV MAIKOVSKIS
ALLEGEDLY WAS A NAZI WAR
RESIDENT BOLESLAV MAIKOVSKIS
ALLEGEDLY WAS A NAZI WAR
CRIMINAL WHO ENTERED THIS
ALLEGEDLY WAS A NAZI WAR
CRIMINAL WHO ENTERED THIS
COUNTRY ILLEGALLY.
CRIMINAL WHO ENTERED THIS
COUNTRY ILLEGALLY.
BUT MINEOLANS TELL ME THEY
COUNTRY ILLEGALLY.
BUT MINEOLANS TELL ME THEY
ACCEPT MAIKOVSKIS AS A PEACEFUL
BUT MINEOLANS TELL ME THEY
ACCEPT MAIKOVSKIS AS A PEACEFUL
CITIZEN WHO PAYS HIS TAXES,
ACCEPT MAIKOVSKIS AS A PEACEFUL
CITIZEN WHO PAYS HIS TAXES,
KEEPS UP HIS LAWN, AND WORKS
CITIZEN WHO PAYS HIS TAXES,
KEEPS UP HIS LAWN, AND WORKS
AFTERNOONS WITH THE TOWN'S STATE
KEEPS UP HIS LAWN, AND WORKS
AFTERNOONS WITH THE TOWN'S STATE
HIGH SCHOOL CHAMPION SOCCER
AFTERNOONS WITH THE TOWN'S STATE
HIGH SCHOOL CHAMPION SOCCER
TEAM.
HIGH SCHOOL CHAMPION SOCCER
TEAM.
THEY SEE NO REASON TO DEPORT
TEAM.
THEY SEE NO REASON TO DEPORT
MAIKOVSKIS, NOR ANY OF THE OTHER
THEY SEE NO REASON TO DEPORT
MAIKOVSKIS, NOR ANY OF THE OTHER
NAZIS WHO CAME HERE AFTER
MAIKOVSKIS, NOR ANY OF THE OTHER
NAZIS WHO CAME HERE AFTER
WORLD WAR II.
NAZIS WHO CAME HERE AFTER
WORLD WAR II.
TO LOCAL RESIDENTS, NAZIS ARE
WORLD WAR II.
TO LOCAL RESIDENTS, NAZIS ARE
LIKE ANY OTHER MINORITY GROUP
TO LOCAL RESIDENTS, NAZIS ARE
LIKE ANY OTHER MINORITY GROUP
WHO FLED TO THIS COUNTRY TO
LIKE ANY OTHER MINORITY GROUP
WHO FLED TO THIS COUNTRY TO
ESCAPE PERSECUTION.
WHO FLED TO THIS COUNTRY TO
ESCAPE PERSECUTION.
ONLY IN AMERICA, JANE, THE
ESCAPE PERSECUTION.
ONLY IN AMERICA, JANE, THE
MELTING POT OF THE WORLD.
ONLY IN AMERICA, JANE, THE
MELTING POT OF THE WORLD.
LARAINE NEWMAN, MINEOLA,
MELTING POT OF THE WORLD.
LARAINE NEWMAN, MINEOLA,
LONG ISLAND.
LARAINE NEWMAN, MINEOLA,
LONG ISLAND.
[APPLAUSE]
LONG ISLAND.
[APPLAUSE]
THIS JUST IN... UTAH MURDERER
[APPLAUSE]
THIS JUST IN... UTAH MURDERER
GARY GILMORE, WHO HAS REQUESTED
THIS JUST IN... UTAH MURDERER
GARY GILMORE, WHO HAS REQUESTED
A SPEEDY CARRYING OUT OF HIS
GARY GILMORE, WHO HAS REQUESTED
A SPEEDY CARRYING OUT OF HIS
DEATH SENTENCE, HAS JUST WON THE
A SPEEDY CARRYING OUT OF HIS
DEATH SENTENCE, HAS JUST WON THE
UTAH STATE LOTTERY, THE FIRST
DEATH SENTENCE, HAS JUST WON THE
UTAH STATE LOTTERY, THE FIRST
PRIZE... THE FIRST PRIZE,
UTAH STATE LOTTERY, THE FIRST
PRIZE... THE FIRST PRIZE,
WHICH IS $50,000 A YEAR FOR
PRIZE... THE FIRST PRIZE,
WHICH IS $50,000 A YEAR FOR
LIFE.
WHICH IS $50,000 A YEAR FOR
LIFE.
UTAH LOTTERY OFFICIALS SAY THEY
LIFE.
UTAH LOTTERY OFFICIALS SAY THEY
COULDN'T BE HAPPIER.
UTAH LOTTERY OFFICIALS SAY THEY
COULDN'T BE HAPPIER.
THERE WAS A NEAR TRAGEDY THIS
COULDN'T BE HAPPIER.
THERE WAS A NEAR TRAGEDY THIS
WEEK, WHEN POPULAR TV
THERE WAS A NEAR TRAGEDY THIS
WEEK, WHEN POPULAR TV
PERSONALITY MORRIS THE CAT
WEEK, WHEN POPULAR TV
PERSONALITY MORRIS THE CAT
ATTEMPTED SUICIDE.
PERSONALITY MORRIS THE CAT
ATTEMPTED SUICIDE.
DESPONDENT OVER THE DEATH OF A
ATTEMPTED SUICIDE.
DESPONDENT OVER THE DEATH OF A
CLOSE FRIEND, SMOKEY THE BEAR,
DESPONDENT OVER THE DEATH OF A
CLOSE FRIEND, SMOKEY THE BEAR,
MORRIS, IN AN ACT OF SYMPATHY,
CLOSE FRIEND, SMOKEY THE BEAR,
MORRIS, IN AN ACT OF SYMPATHY,
CHOSE TO CALL IT QUITS HIMSELF,
MORRIS, IN AN ACT OF SYMPATHY,
CHOSE TO CALL IT QUITS HIMSELF,
LEAVING BEHIND A NOTE WHICH
CHOSE TO CALL IT QUITS HIMSELF,
LEAVING BEHIND A NOTE WHICH
READ SIMPLY...
LEAVING BEHIND A NOTE WHICH
READ SIMPLY...
♪ "MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MEOW
READ SIMPLY...
♪ "MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MEOW
MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MEOW ♪
♪ "MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MEOW
MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MEOW ♪
♪ MEOW, MEOW, MEOW
MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MEOW ♪
♪ MEOW, MEOW, MEOW
MEOW, MEOW" ♪
♪ MEOW, MEOW, MEOW
MEOW, MEOW" ♪
BECAUSE MORRIS HAD NINE LIVES,
MEOW, MEOW" ♪
BECAUSE MORRIS HAD NINE LIVES,
HE TRIED TO END THEM ALL BY
BECAUSE MORRIS HAD NINE LIVES,
HE TRIED TO END THEM ALL BY
HANGING HIMSELF, SLITTING HIS
HE TRIED TO END THEM ALL BY
HANGING HIMSELF, SLITTING HIS
WRISTS, STICKING HIS HEAD IN AN
HANGING HIMSELF, SLITTING HIS
WRISTS, STICKING HIS HEAD IN AN
OVEN, MIXING ALCOHOL WITH
WRISTS, STICKING HIS HEAD IN AN
OVEN, MIXING ALCOHOL WITH
SLEEPING PILLS, THROWING HIMSELF
OVEN, MIXING ALCOHOL WITH
SLEEPING PILLS, THROWING HIMSELF
IN FRONT OF A TRAIN, BRINGING A
SLEEPING PILLS, THROWING HIMSELF
IN FRONT OF A TRAIN, BRINGING A
RADIO INTO THE BATHTUB WITH HIM,
IN FRONT OF A TRAIN, BRINGING A
RADIO INTO THE BATHTUB WITH HIM,
SHOOTING HIMSELF, AND SITTING IN
RADIO INTO THE BATHTUB WITH HIM,
SHOOTING HIMSELF, AND SITTING IN
A CAR WITH THE MOTOR RUNNING IN
SHOOTING HIMSELF, AND SITTING IN
A CAR WITH THE MOTOR RUNNING IN
HIS GARAGE.
A CAR WITH THE MOTOR RUNNING IN
HIS GARAGE.
MORRIS, NOW RESTING COMFORTABLY
HIS GARAGE.
MORRIS, NOW RESTING COMFORTABLY
AT BIDEAWEE HOSPITAL, DEPRESSED
MORRIS, NOW RESTING COMFORTABLY
AT BIDEAWEE HOSPITAL, DEPRESSED
THAT HE COULD ONLY THINK OF
AT BIDEAWEE HOSPITAL, DEPRESSED
THAT HE COULD ONLY THINK OF
EIGHT WAYS TO KILL HIMSELF.
THAT HE COULD ONLY THINK OF
EIGHT WAYS TO KILL HIMSELF.
"UPDATE" VIEWERS WHO HAVE IDEAS
EIGHT WAYS TO KILL HIMSELF.
"UPDATE" VIEWERS WHO HAVE IDEAS
FOR A NINTH WAY TO KILL MORRIS
"UPDATE" VIEWERS WHO HAVE IDEAS
FOR A NINTH WAY TO KILL MORRIS
ARE URGED TO SEND THEM TO...
[APPLAUSE]
THE DECISION OF MORRIS IS FINAL.
THE NATIONAL BROADCASTING
THE DECISION OF MORRIS IS FINAL.
THE NATIONAL BROADCASTING
COMPANY MARKED ITS 50th
THE NATIONAL BROADCASTING
COMPANY MARKED ITS 50th
ANNIVERSARY THIS WEEK.
COMPANY MARKED ITS 50th
ANNIVERSARY THIS WEEK.
THIS OCCASION WILL BE SALUTED IN
ANNIVERSARY THIS WEEK.
THIS OCCASION WILL BE SALUTED IN
A TV SPECIAL TOMORROW NIGHT
THIS OCCASION WILL BE SALUTED IN
A TV SPECIAL TOMORROW NIGHT
SHOWING THE NETWORK'S STARS,
A TV SPECIAL TOMORROW NIGHT
SHOWING THE NETWORK'S STARS,
BIGGEST HIGHLIGHTS, AND MOST
SHOWING THE NETWORK'S STARS,
BIGGEST HIGHLIGHTS, AND MOST
GLAMOROUS MOMENTS OF THE PAST 50
BIGGEST HIGHLIGHTS, AND MOST
GLAMOROUS MOMENTS OF THE PAST 50
YEARS, WHICH, THROUGH CREATIVE
GLAMOROUS MOMENTS OF THE PAST 50
YEARS, WHICH, THROUGH CREATIVE
INGENUITY, HAS SOMEHOW BEEN
YEARS, WHICH, THROUGH CREATIVE
INGENUITY, HAS SOMEHOW BEEN
STRETCHED TO 4 1/2 HOURS.
INGENUITY, HAS SOMEHOW BEEN
STRETCHED TO 4 1/2 HOURS.
THE COMPANY HAS BEEN RECEIVING
STRETCHED TO 4 1/2 HOURS.
THE COMPANY HAS BEEN RECEIVING
GIFTS ALL WEEK, INCLUDING BEST
THE COMPANY HAS BEEN RECEIVING
GIFTS ALL WEEK, INCLUDING BEST
WISHES FROM COMPETING NETWORKS,
GIFTS ALL WEEK, INCLUDING BEST
WISHES FROM COMPETING NETWORKS,
CBS AND ABC, WHO SENT THEM DAWN,
WISHES FROM COMPETING NETWORKS,
CBS AND ABC, WHO SENT THEM DAWN,
DOC, MR. T AND TINA, AND A
CBS AND ABC, WHO SENT THEM DAWN,
DOC, MR. T AND TINA, AND A
HOMESICK BARBARA WALTERS.
DOC, MR. T AND TINA, AND A
HOMESICK BARBARA WALTERS.
AND IN STILL ANOTHER
HOMESICK BARBARA WALTERS.
AND IN STILL ANOTHER
CELEBRATION, TODAY MARKS THE
AND IN STILL ANOTHER
CELEBRATION, TODAY MARKS THE
FIRST ANNIVERSARY OF THE
CELEBRATION, TODAY MARKS THE
FIRST ANNIVERSARY OF THE
SO-CALLED DEATH OF
FIRST ANNIVERSARY OF THE
SO-CALLED DEATH OF
GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO.
SO-CALLED DEATH OF
GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO.
HE, TOO, HAS BEEN RECEIVING
GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO.
HE, TOO, HAS BEEN RECEIVING
GIFTS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD,
HE, TOO, HAS BEEN RECEIVING
GIFTS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD,
INCLUDING DEAD FLOWERS FROM
GIFTS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD,
INCLUDING DEAD FLOWERS FROM
ARGENTINA, A CANDYGRAM FROM
INCLUDING DEAD FLOWERS FROM
ARGENTINA, A CANDYGRAM FROM
MAO TSE-TUNG, AND RECENTLY
ARGENTINA, A CANDYGRAM FROM
MAO TSE-TUNG, AND RECENTLY
ACQUIRED DAWN, DOC, MR. T AND
MAO TSE-TUNG, AND RECENTLY
ACQUIRED DAWN, DOC, MR. T AND
TINA, AS WELL AS A HOMESICK
ACQUIRED DAWN, DOC, MR. T AND
TINA, AS WELL AS A HOMESICK
BARBARA WALTERS FROM THE
TINA, AS WELL AS A HOMESICK
BARBARA WALTERS FROM THE
NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY.
BARBARA WALTERS FROM THE
NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY.
FEDERAL HEALTH OFFICIALS REPORT
NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY.
FEDERAL HEALTH OFFICIALS REPORT
THAT A NEW STRAIN OF GONORRHEA,
FEDERAL HEALTH OFFICIALS REPORT
THAT A NEW STRAIN OF GONORRHEA,
WHICH KILLS THE PENICILLIN USED
THAT A NEW STRAIN OF GONORRHEA,
WHICH KILLS THE PENICILLIN USED
TO TREAT IT, HAS TURNED UP IN
WHICH KILLS THE PENICILLIN USED
TO TREAT IT, HAS TURNED UP IN
11 STATES.
TO TREAT IT, HAS TURNED UP IN
11 STATES.
COINCIDENTALLY, THEY ARE THE
11 STATES.
COINCIDENTALLY, THEY ARE THE
SAME STATES VISITED LAST SPRING
COINCIDENTALLY, THEY ARE THE
SAME STATES VISITED LAST SPRING
BY UGANDAN DICTATOR IDI AMIN.
SAME STATES VISITED LAST SPRING
BY UGANDAN DICTATOR IDI AMIN.
REACHED FOR COMMENT BY OUR
BY UGANDAN DICTATOR IDI AMIN.
REACHED FOR COMMENT BY OUR
UPDATE CORRESPONDENT, AMIN
REACHED FOR COMMENT BY OUR
UPDATE CORRESPONDENT, AMIN
SAID, "IT JUST GOES TO PROVE
UPDATE CORRESPONDENT, AMIN
SAID, "IT JUST GOES TO PROVE
THAT I CAN SPREAD MY PHILOSOPHY
SAID, "IT JUST GOES TO PROVE
THAT I CAN SPREAD MY PHILOSOPHY
IN YOUR COUNTRY."
THAT I CAN SPREAD MY PHILOSOPHY
IN YOUR COUNTRY."
HERE TO COMMENT FURTHER ON THIS
IN YOUR COUNTRY."
HERE TO COMMENT FURTHER ON THIS
IS "UPDATE" SCIENCE EDITOR
HERE TO COMMENT FURTHER ON THIS
IS "UPDATE" SCIENCE EDITOR
DR. GARRETT MORRIS.
IS "UPDATE" SCIENCE EDITOR
DR. GARRETT MORRIS.
DR. MORRIS, TELL US ABOUT THIS
DR. GARRETT MORRIS.
DR. MORRIS, TELL US ABOUT THIS
NEW STRAIN, AND WHY HAS IT
DR. MORRIS, TELL US ABOUT THIS
NEW STRAIN, AND WHY HAS IT
GOTTEN OUT OF HAND?
WELL, UH, JANE, WHAT MAKES
THIS STRAIN SO UNUSUAL IS
THAT IT KILLS PENICILLIN, WHICH
IS USED TO KILL GONORRHEA.
AND THIS GONORRHEA IS A TRICKY
ONE.
OOH, IT'S TRICKY.
ONE.
OOH, IT'S TRICKY.
LET ME SHOW YOU.
OOH, IT'S TRICKY.
LET ME SHOW YOU.
NOW, THIS HERE...
LET ME SHOW YOU.
NOW, THIS HERE...
LET ME PUT A LITTLE DROP HERE.
NOW, THIS HERE...
LET ME PUT A LITTLE DROP HERE.
OKAY.
LET ME PUT A LITTLE DROP HERE.
OKAY.
THIS HERE PENICILLIN.
OKAY.
THIS HERE PENICILLIN.
NOW, LET'S JUST FOCUS IN.
THIS HERE PENICILLIN.
NOW, LET'S JUST FOCUS IN.
RIGHT DOWN THERE.
NOW, LET'S JUST FOCUS IN.
RIGHT DOWN THERE.
[LAUGHTER]
RIGHT DOWN THERE.
[LAUGHTER]
ALL RIGHT. NOW, YOU SEE?
[LAUGHTER]
ALL RIGHT. NOW, YOU SEE?
YOU SEE?
ALL RIGHT. NOW, YOU SEE?
YOU SEE?
NOW, WE'VE FORTIFIED THIS
YOU SEE?
NOW, WE'VE FORTIFIED THIS
PENICILLIN THE BEST WAY WE KNEW
NOW, WE'VE FORTIFIED THIS
PENICILLIN THE BEST WAY WE KNEW
HOW.
PENICILLIN THE BEST WAY WE KNEW
HOW.
BUT NO MATTER WHAT WE DO, THE
HOW.
BUT NO MATTER WHAT WE DO, THE
RESULTS ARE ALWAYS THE SAME.
BUT NO MATTER WHAT WE DO, THE
RESULTS ARE ALWAYS THE SAME.
BUT DIFFERENT APPROACHES, NEW
RESULTS ARE ALWAYS THE SAME.
BUT DIFFERENT APPROACHES, NEW
STRATEGIES...
BUT DIFFERENT APPROACHES, NEW
STRATEGIES...
NOTHING SEEMS TO WORK AGAINST
STRATEGIES...
NOTHING SEEMS TO WORK AGAINST
THIS GONORRHEA.
NOTHING SEEMS TO WORK AGAINST
THIS GONORRHEA.
BECAUSE IN THE LONG RUN, THE
THIS GONORRHEA.
BECAUSE IN THE LONG RUN, THE
PENICILLIN IS STILL A LOSER.
BECAUSE IN THE LONG RUN, THE
PENICILLIN IS STILL A LOSER.
VERY FRIGHTENING, DOCTOR.
PENICILLIN IS STILL A LOSER.
VERY FRIGHTENING, DOCTOR.
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING,
VERY FRIGHTENING, DOCTOR.
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING,
DOCTOR.
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING,
DOCTOR.
I'M CURIOUS.
DOCTOR.
I'M CURIOUS.
JUST WHERE DID YOU GET THIS
I'M CURIOUS.
JUST WHERE DID YOU GET THIS
PARTICULAR SAMPLE FROM?
JUST WHERE DID YOU GET THIS
PARTICULAR SAMPLE FROM?
LORETTA. WHEW!
PARTICULAR SAMPLE FROM?
LORETTA. WHEW!
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
LORETTA. WHEW!
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU,
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU,
DR. GARRETT MORRIS.
THANK YOU,
DR. GARRETT MORRIS.
PORTIONS OF A RADIOACTIVE
DR. GARRETT MORRIS.
PORTIONS OF A RADIOACTIVE
CLOUD CAUSED BY THIS WEEK'S
PORTIONS OF A RADIOACTIVE
CLOUD CAUSED BY THIS WEEK'S
NUCLEAR TEST IN CHINA ARE
CLOUD CAUSED BY THIS WEEK'S
NUCLEAR TEST IN CHINA ARE
EXPECTED TO REACH NEW YORK CITY
NUCLEAR TEST IN CHINA ARE
EXPECTED TO REACH NEW YORK CITY
TOMORROW MORNING.
EXPECTED TO REACH NEW YORK CITY
TOMORROW MORNING.
REMAINS OF THIS GIANT MUSHROOM
TOMORROW MORNING.
REMAINS OF THIS GIANT MUSHROOM
CLOUD, FILLED WITH SIGNIFICANT
REMAINS OF THIS GIANT MUSHROOM
CLOUD, FILLED WITH SIGNIFICANT
AMOUNTS OF RADIOACTIVE FALLOUT,
CLOUD, FILLED WITH SIGNIFICANT
AMOUNTS OF RADIOACTIVE FALLOUT,
MAY HOVER OVER THE CITY FOR AS
AMOUNTS OF RADIOACTIVE FALLOUT,
MAY HOVER OVER THE CITY FOR AS
MUCH AS 24 HOURS.
MAY HOVER OVER THE CITY FOR AS
MUCH AS 24 HOURS.
IN A RELATED STORY, THE WEATHER
MUCH AS 24 HOURS.
IN A RELATED STORY, THE WEATHER
FORECAST FOR NEW YORK'S
IN A RELATED STORY, THE WEATHER
FORECAST FOR NEW YORK'S
METROPOLITAN AREA CALLS FOR
FORECAST FOR NEW YORK'S
METROPOLITAN AREA CALLS FOR
BRIGHTER SKIES, A LOWER POLLEN
METROPOLITAN AREA CALLS FOR
BRIGHTER SKIES, A LOWER POLLEN
COUNT, AND THE BEST AIR QUALITY
BRIGHTER SKIES, A LOWER POLLEN
COUNT, AND THE BEST AIR QUALITY
THAT THIS AREA HAS EXPERIENCED
COUNT, AND THE BEST AIR QUALITY
THAT THIS AREA HAS EXPERIENCED
IN QUITE SOME TIME.
THAT THIS AREA HAS EXPERIENCED
IN QUITE SOME TIME.
GOOD NIGHT, ENJOY THE WEATHER,
IN QUITE SOME TIME.
GOOD NIGHT, ENJOY THE WEATHER,
AND HAVE A PLEASANT TOMORROW.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY
FRIEND GEORGE HARRISON.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
FRIEND GEORGE HARRISON.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
A-ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.
[INTRO TO "HERE COMES THE SUN"
PLAYS]
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ AND I SAY ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ AND I SAY ♪
♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪
♪ IT'S BEEN A LONG, COLD, LONELY
WINTER ♪
♪ IT'S BEEN A LONG, COLD, LONELY
WINTER ♪
♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪
WINTER ♪
♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪
♪ IT SEEMS LIKE YEARS
♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪
♪ IT SEEMS LIKE YEARS
SINCE IT'S BEEN HERE ♪
♪ IT SEEMS LIKE YEARS
SINCE IT'S BEEN HERE ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
SINCE IT'S BEEN HERE ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ AND I SAY ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ AND I SAY ♪
♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪
♪ THE SMILES RETURNING TO THE
FACES ♪
♪ THE SMILES RETURNING TO THE
FACES ♪
♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪
FACES ♪
♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪
♪ IT SEEMS LIKE YEARS
♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪
♪ IT SEEMS LIKE YEARS
SINCE IT'S BEEN HERE ♪
♪ IT SEEMS LIKE YEARS
SINCE IT'S BEEN HERE ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
SINCE IT'S BEEN HERE ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ AND I SAY ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ AND I SAY ♪
♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ SUN, SUN, SUN ♪
♪ HERE IT COMES ♪
♪ SUN, SUN, SUN ♪
♪ HERE IT COMES ♪
♪ SUN, SUN, SUN ♪
♪ HERE IT COMES ♪
♪ SUN, SUN, SUN ♪
♪ HERE IT COMES ♪
♪ SUN, SUN, SUN ♪
♪ HERE IT COMES ♪
♪ SUN, SUN, SUN ♪
♪ HERE IT COMES ♪
♪ SUN, SUN, SUN ♪
♪ HERE IT COMES ♪
♪ SUN, SUN, SUN ♪
♪ HERE IT COMES ♪
♪ SUN, SUN, SUN ♪
♪ HERE IT COMES ♪
♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪
♪ I FEEL THE ICE IS SLOWLY
MELTING ♪
♪ I FEEL THE ICE IS SLOWLY
MELTING ♪
♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪
MELTING ♪
♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪
♪ IT SEEMS LIKE YEARS SINCE IT'S
♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪
♪ IT SEEMS LIKE YEARS SINCE IT'S
BEEN CLEAR ♪
♪ IT SEEMS LIKE YEARS SINCE IT'S
BEEN CLEAR ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
BEEN CLEAR ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ AND I SAY ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ AND I SAY ♪
♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ AND I SAY ♪
♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ AND I SAY ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪
♪ AND I SAY ♪
♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ AND I SAY ♪
♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
NICE.
THANK YOU.
NICE.
THANK YOU.
NICE.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
[TUNING GUITARS]
[INTRO TO "HOMEWARD BOUND"
PLAYS]
♪ I'M SITTIN' IN THE RAILWAY
[PLAYS]
♪ I'M SITTIN' IN THE RAILWAY
STATION ♪
♪ I'M SITTIN' IN THE RAILWAY
STATION ♪
♪ GOT A TICKET FOR MY
STATION ♪
♪ GOT A TICKET FOR MY
DESTINATION ♪
♪ GOT A TICKET FOR MY
DESTINATION ♪
♪ MMM ♪
DESTINATION ♪
♪ MMM ♪
♪ ON A TOUR OF ONE-NIGHT
♪ MMM ♪
♪ ON A TOUR OF ONE-NIGHT
STANDS ♪
♪ ON A TOUR OF ONE-NIGHT
STANDS ♪
♪ MY SUITCASE AND GUITAR IN
STANDS ♪
♪ MY SUITCASE AND GUITAR IN
HAND ♪
♪ MY SUITCASE AND GUITAR IN
HAND ♪
♪ AND EVERY STOP IS NEATLY
HAND ♪
♪ AND EVERY STOP IS NEATLY
PLANNED ♪
♪ AND EVERY STOP IS NEATLY
PLANNED ♪
♪ FOR A POET AND A ONE-MAN
PLANNED ♪
♪ FOR A POET AND A ONE-MAN
BAND ♪
♪ FOR A POET AND A ONE-MAN
BAND ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
BAND ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ I WISH I WAS ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ I WISH I WAS ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ I WISH I WAS ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S
ESCAPING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S
ESCAPING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S
ESCAPING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S
PLAYING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S
PLAYING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES
PLAYING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES
WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES
WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪
♪ EVERY DAY'S AN ENDLESS
WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪
♪ EVERY DAY'S AN ENDLESS
STREAM OF CIGARETTES AND
♪ EVERY DAY'S AN ENDLESS
STREAM OF CIGARETTES AND
MAGAZINES ♪
STREAM OF CIGARETTES AND
MAGAZINES ♪
♪ OOH, OOH ♪
MAGAZINES ♪
♪ OOH, OOH ♪
♪ AND EACH TOWN LOOKS THE SAME
♪ OOH, OOH ♪
♪ AND EACH TOWN LOOKS THE SAME
TO ME ♪
♪ AND EACH TOWN LOOKS THE SAME
TO ME ♪
♪ THE MOVIES AND THE FACTORIES ♪
TO ME ♪
♪ THE MOVIES AND THE FACTORIES ♪
♪ AND EVERY STRANGER'S FACE I
♪ THE MOVIES AND THE FACTORIES ♪
♪ AND EVERY STRANGER'S FACE I
SEE REMINDS ME THAT I LONG
♪ AND EVERY STRANGER'S FACE I
SEE REMINDS ME THAT I LONG
TO BE ♪
SEE REMINDS ME THAT I LONG
TO BE ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
TO BE ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ I WISH I WAS ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ I WISH I WAS ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ I WISH I WAS ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S
ESCAPING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S
ESCAPING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S
ESCAPING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S
PLAYING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S
PLAYING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES
PLAYING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES
WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES
WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪
♪ TONIGHT I'LL SING MY SONGS
WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪
♪ TONIGHT I'LL SING MY SONGS
AGAIN ♪
♪ TONIGHT I'LL SING MY SONGS
AGAIN ♪
♪ I'LL PLAY THE GAME AND
AGAIN ♪
♪ I'LL PLAY THE GAME AND
PRETEND ♪
♪ I'LL PLAY THE GAME AND
PRETEND ♪
♪ MMM ♪
PRETEND ♪
♪ MMM ♪
♪ BUT ALL MY WORDS COME BACK
♪ MMM ♪
♪ BUT ALL MY WORDS COME BACK
TO ME ♪
♪ BUT ALL MY WORDS COME BACK
TO ME ♪
♪ IN SHADES OF MEDIOCRITY ♪
TO ME ♪
♪ IN SHADES OF MEDIOCRITY ♪
♪ LIKE EMPTINESS IN HARMONY ♪
♪ IN SHADES OF MEDIOCRITY ♪
♪ LIKE EMPTINESS IN HARMONY ♪
♪ I NEED SOMEONE TO COMFORT ME ♪
♪ LIKE EMPTINESS IN HARMONY ♪
♪ I NEED SOMEONE TO COMFORT ME ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ I NEED SOMEONE TO COMFORT ME ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ I WISH I WAS ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ I WISH I WAS ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ I WISH I WAS ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S
ESCAPING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S
ESCAPING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S
ESCAPING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S
PLAYING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S
PLAYING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES
PLAYING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES
WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES
WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪
♪ SILENTLY FOR ME ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
GEORGE HAS BROUGHT TWO FILMS
THANK YOU.
GEORGE HAS BROUGHT TWO FILMS
WITH HIM TONIGHT THAT ARE SONGS
GEORGE HAS BROUGHT TWO FILMS
WITH HIM TONIGHT THAT ARE SONGS
FROM HIS NEW ALBUM.
WITH HIM TONIGHT THAT ARE SONGS
FROM HIS NEW ALBUM.
THE FILM THAT WE'RE ABOUT TO SEE
FROM HIS NEW ALBUM.
THE FILM THAT WE'RE ABOUT TO SEE
IS CALLED "CRACKERBOX PALACE,"
THE FILM THAT WE'RE ABOUT TO SEE
IS CALLED "CRACKERBOX PALACE,"
AND IT WAS DIRECTED BY A MUTUAL
IS CALLED "CRACKERBOX PALACE,"
AND IT WAS DIRECTED BY A MUTUAL
FRIEND, ERIC IDLE.
AND IT WAS DIRECTED BY A MUTUAL
FRIEND, ERIC IDLE.
[APPLAUSE]
FRIEND, ERIC IDLE.
[APPLAUSE]
ALL RIGHT, VICAR.
[APPLAUSE]
ALL RIGHT, VICAR.
FORMER HOST OF THE
ALL RIGHT, VICAR.
FORMER HOST OF THE
"SATURDAY NIGHT" SHOW.
FORMER HOST OF THE
"SATURDAY NIGHT" SHOW.
SO, I GUESS, IF YOU LOOK UP AT
"SATURDAY NIGHT" SHOW.
SO, I GUESS, IF YOU LOOK UP AT
YOUR MONITORS, WE'LL BE ABLE TO
SO, I GUESS, IF YOU LOOK UP AT
YOUR MONITORS, WE'LL BE ABLE TO
SEE GEORGE'S FILM.
YOUR MONITORS, WE'LL BE ABLE TO
SEE GEORGE'S FILM.
[INTRO TO "CRACKERBOX PALACE"
SEE GEORGE'S FILM.
[INTRO TO "CRACKERBOX PALACE"
PLAYS]
♪ I WAS SO YOUNG WHEN I WAS
BORN ♪
♪ MY EYES COULD NOT YET SEE ♪
BORN ♪
♪ MY EYES COULD NOT YET SEE ♪
♪ AND BY THE TIME OF MY FIRST
♪ MY EYES COULD NOT YET SEE ♪
♪ AND BY THE TIME OF MY FIRST
DAWN ♪
♪ AND BY THE TIME OF MY FIRST
DAWN ♪
♪ SOMEBODY HOLDING ME ♪
DAWN ♪
♪ SOMEBODY HOLDING ME ♪
♪ THEY SAID, "I WELCOME YOU TO
♪ SOMEBODY HOLDING ME ♪
♪ THEY SAID, "I WELCOME YOU TO
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ THEY SAID, "I WELCOME YOU TO
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU ♪
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU ♪
♪ YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN
♪ WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU ♪
♪ YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW
OUR LOVE IS TRUE" ♪
♪ WHILE GROWING UP
OR TRYING TO ♪
♪ NOT KNOWING WHERE TO START ♪
OR TRYING TO ♪
♪ NOT KNOWING WHERE TO START ♪
♪ I LOOKED AROUND FOR SOMEONE
♪ NOT KNOWING WHERE TO START ♪
♪ I LOOKED AROUND FOR SOMEONE
WHO MAY HELP REVEAL MY HEART ♪
♪ I LOOKED AROUND FOR SOMEONE
WHO MAY HELP REVEAL MY HEART ♪
♪ SOMEONE SAID, "WHILE YOU'RE A
WHO MAY HELP REVEAL MY HEART ♪
♪ SOMEONE SAID, "WHILE YOU'RE A
PART OF CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ SOMEONE SAID, "WHILE YOU'RE A
PART OF CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ DO WHAT THE REST ALL DO ♪
PART OF CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ DO WHAT THE REST ALL DO ♪
♪ OR FACE THE FACT THAT
♪ DO WHAT THE REST ALL DO ♪
♪ OR FACE THE FACT THAT
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ OR FACE THE FACT THAT
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ MAY HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE THAN
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ MAY HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE THAN
TO DEPORT YOU" ♪
♪ "AND WE WELCOME YOU TO
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU ♪
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU ♪
♪ YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN
♪ WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU ♪
♪ YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW
OUR LOVE IS TRUE" ♪
♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW
OUR LOVE IS TRUE" ♪
♪ IT'S TRUE, IT'S TRUE ♪
♪ SOME TIMES ARE GOOD ♪
♪ SOME TIMES ARE BAD ♪
♪ THAT'S ALL A PART OF LIFE ♪
♪ SOME TIMES ARE BAD ♪
♪ THAT'S ALL A PART OF LIFE ♪
♪ AND STANDING IN BETWEEN THEM
♪ THAT'S ALL A PART OF LIFE ♪
♪ AND STANDING IN BETWEEN THEM
ALL I MET A MR. GRIEF ♪
♪ AND STANDING IN BETWEEN THEM
ALL I MET A MR. GRIEF ♪
♪ AND HE SAID, "I WELCOME YOU TO
ALL I MET A MR. GRIEF ♪
♪ AND HE SAID, "I WELCOME YOU TO
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ AND HE SAID, "I WELCOME YOU TO
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ WAS NOT EXPECTING YOU ♪
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ WAS NOT EXPECTING YOU ♪
♪ LET'S RAP AND TAP AT
♪ WAS NOT EXPECTING YOU ♪
♪ LET'S RAP AND TAP AT
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ LET'S RAP AND TAP AT
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ KNOW THAT THE LORD IS WELL AND
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ KNOW THAT THE LORD IS WELL AND
INSIDE OF YOU" ♪
♪ KNOW THAT THE LORD IS WELL AND
INSIDE OF YOU" ♪
♪ "AND WE WELCOME YOU TO
INSIDE OF YOU" ♪
♪ "AND WE WELCOME YOU TO
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ "AND WE WELCOME YOU TO
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU ♪
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU ♪
♪ YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN
♪ WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU ♪
♪ YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW
OUR LOVE IS TRUE" ♪
♪ "YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW
CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪
♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW
OUR LOVE ♪
♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW
OUR LOVE ♪
♪ KNOW OUR LOVE IS TRUE" ♪
[APPLAUSE]
NOT MUCH IS KNOWN ABOUT
BILLY.
SOME SAID HE SPENT HIS CHILDHOOD
BILLY.
SOME SAID HE SPENT HIS CHILDHOOD
IN THE CANADIAN ROCKIES.
SOME SAID HE SPENT HIS CHILDHOOD
IN THE CANADIAN ROCKIES.
OTHERS SAID HE SPENT HIS EARLY
IN THE CANADIAN ROCKIES.
OTHERS SAID HE SPENT HIS EARLY
YEARS IN THE BAYOU COUNTRY.
OTHERS SAID HE SPENT HIS EARLY
YEARS IN THE BAYOU COUNTRY.
NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE.
YEARS IN THE BAYOU COUNTRY.
NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE.
I BELIEVE HE GREW UP IN
NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE.
I BELIEVE HE GREW UP IN
NEW YORK, IN QUEENS.
I BELIEVE HE GREW UP IN
NEW YORK, IN QUEENS.
AT 137-62 70th ROAD,
NEW YORK, IN QUEENS.
AT 137-62 70th ROAD,
NEAR MAIN STREET AND JEWEL
AT 137-62 70th ROAD,
NEAR MAIN STREET AND JEWEL
AVENUE.
NEAR MAIN STREET AND JEWEL
AVENUE.
YOU TAKE THE "D" TRAIN TO
AVENUE.
YOU TAKE THE "D" TRAIN TO
CONTINENTAL AVENUE, THEN YOU
YOU TAKE THE "D" TRAIN TO
CONTINENTAL AVENUE, THEN YOU
TAKE THE Q-14 BUSY TO MAIN
CONTINENTAL AVENUE, THEN YOU
TAKE THE Q-14 BUSY TO MAIN
STREET.
TAKE THE Q-14 BUSY TO MAIN
STREET.
NOT MUCH ELSE WAS KNOWN ABOUT
STREET.
NOT MUCH ELSE WAS KNOWN ABOUT
HIM.
NOT MUCH ELSE WAS KNOWN ABOUT
HIM.
HE JUST RODE INTO TOWN ONE DAY,
HIM.
HE JUST RODE INTO TOWN ONE DAY,
AND SAID...
HE JUST RODE INTO TOWN ONE DAY,
AND SAID...
I'M HERE TO HELP INDIANS,
AND SAID...
I'M HERE TO HELP INDIANS,
WILD HORSES, AND RUNAWAY KIDS OF
I'M HERE TO HELP INDIANS,
WILD HORSES, AND RUNAWAY KIDS OF
ALL RACES AND RELIGIONS.
WILD HORSES, AND RUNAWAY KIDS OF
ALL RACES AND RELIGIONS.
GOT ANY HERE?
ALL RACES AND RELIGIONS.
GOT ANY HERE?
THEY CALLED HIM A RENEGADE.
GOT ANY HERE?
THEY CALLED HIM A RENEGADE.
A RENEGADE?
THEY CALLED HIM A RENEGADE.
A RENEGADE?
YEAH. I AM A RENEGADE.
A RENEGADE?
YEAH. I AM A RENEGADE.
THERE WERE CERTAIN THINGS
YEAH. I AM A RENEGADE.
THERE WERE CERTAIN THINGS
THAT WERE KNOWN FOR SURE.
THERE WERE CERTAIN THINGS
THAT WERE KNOWN FOR SURE.
HE WAS A VIETNAM VET AND A BLACK
THAT WERE KNOWN FOR SURE.
HE WAS A VIETNAM VET AND A BLACK
BELT IN KARATE.
HE WAS A VIETNAM VET AND A BLACK
BELT IN KARATE.
THAT'S RIGHT. I AM.
BELT IN KARATE.
THAT'S RIGHT. I AM.
THEY SAID HE WAS A
THAT'S RIGHT. I AM.
THEY SAID HE WAS A
HALF-BREED.
THEY SAID HE WAS A
HALF-BREED.
THAT'S RIGHT. I WAS.
HALF-BREED.
THAT'S RIGHT. I WAS.
[LAUGHTER]
THAT'S RIGHT. I WAS.
[LAUGHTER]
HE LIVED ON THE INDIAN
[LAUGHTER]
HE LIVED ON THE INDIAN
RESERVATION WITH AN OLD INDIAN
HE LIVED ON THE INDIAN
RESERVATION WITH AN OLD INDIAN
MEDICINE MAN WHO TAUGHT HIM THE
RESERVATION WITH AN OLD INDIAN
MEDICINE MAN WHO TAUGHT HIM THE
SECRETS OF THE WORLD OF SNAKES.
MEDICINE MAN WHO TAUGHT HIM THE
SECRETS OF THE WORLD OF SNAKES.
I DO SPEND MOST OF
SECRETS OF THE WORLD OF SNAKES.
I DO SPEND MOST OF
MY TIME ON THE RESERVATION,
I DO SPEND MOST OF
MY TIME ON THE RESERVATION,
ALTHOUGH SOMETIMES I STAY AT THE
MY TIME ON THE RESERVATION,
ALTHOUGH SOMETIMES I STAY AT THE
HOWARD JOHNSON... FREE COFFEE IN
ALTHOUGH SOMETIMES I STAY AT THE
HOWARD JOHNSON... FREE COFFEE IN
YOUR ROOM, WITH THE CREMORA.
HOWARD JOHNSON... FREE COFFEE IN
YOUR ROOM, WITH THE CREMORA.
BUT ONE THING EVERYONE
YOUR ROOM, WITH THE CREMORA.
BUT ONE THING EVERYONE
KNEW... HE WAS THE DEADLIEST MAN
BUT ONE THING EVERYONE
KNEW... HE WAS THE DEADLIEST MAN
WITH HIS HANDS AND FEET THAT
KNEW... HE WAS THE DEADLIEST MAN
WITH HIS HANDS AND FEET THAT
THESE PARTS HAD EVER KNOWN.
WITH HIS HANDS AND FEET THAT
THESE PARTS HAD EVER KNOWN.
I AM PRETTY DEADLY.
THESE PARTS HAD EVER KNOWN.
I AM PRETTY DEADLY.
HIS NAME WAS BILLY PAUL.
I AM PRETTY DEADLY.
HIS NAME WAS BILLY PAUL.
NOT THE BILLY PAUL THAT RECORDED
HIS NAME WAS BILLY PAUL.
NOT THE BILLY PAUL THAT RECORDED
"ME AND MRS. JONES."
NOT THE BILLY PAUL THAT RECORDED
"ME AND MRS. JONES."
A LOT OF PEOPLE GET THEM
"ME AND MRS. JONES."
A LOT OF PEOPLE GET THEM
CONFUSED.
A LOT OF PEOPLE GET THEM
CONFUSED.
HE WAS ANOTHER BILLY PAUL.
CONFUSED.
HE WAS ANOTHER BILLY PAUL.
AND THIS IS HIS STORY.
FRENCH VANILLA?
SURE. THERE YOU GO.
THANK YOU.
SURE. THERE YOU GO.
THANK YOU.
HI, I'LL HAVE A DOUBLE
THANK YOU.
HI, I'LL HAVE A DOUBLE
SCOOP OF OREGON BLACKBERRY.
HI, I'LL HAVE A DOUBLE
SCOOP OF OREGON BLACKBERRY.
OKAY.
SCOOP OF OREGON BLACKBERRY.
OKAY.
I'LL HAVE A JAMOCHA ALMOND
OKAY.
I'LL HAVE A JAMOCHA ALMOND
FUDGE.
I'LL HAVE A JAMOCHA ALMOND
FUDGE.
WE DON'T HAVE ANY CONES LEFT.
FUDGE.
WE DON'T HAVE ANY CONES LEFT.
WELL, WHAT ARE THOSE?
WE DON'T HAVE ANY CONES LEFT.
WELL, WHAT ARE THOSE?
THEY'RE NOT FOR YOU,
WELL, WHAT ARE THOSE?
THEY'RE NOT FOR YOU,
FEATHERHEAD.
THEY'RE NOT FOR YOU,
FEATHERHEAD.
YOU ARE SO LOW!
FEATHERHEAD.
YOU ARE SO LOW!
OKAY, OKAY.
YOU ARE SO LOW!
OKAY, OKAY.
LET'S JUST NOT GET HEAVY HERE.
OKAY, OKAY.
LET'S JUST NOT GET HEAVY HERE.
NOW, LET'S JUST REMEMBER WHAT WE
LET'S JUST NOT GET HEAVY HERE.
NOW, LET'S JUST REMEMBER WHAT WE
TEACH AT THE SCHOOL, MAN.
NOW, LET'S JUST REMEMBER WHAT WE
TEACH AT THE SCHOOL, MAN.
LIKE, THIS GUY IS PUTTING OUT
TEACH AT THE SCHOOL, MAN.
LIKE, THIS GUY IS PUTTING OUT
HOSTILE VIBES TO YOU, OKAY?
LIKE, THIS GUY IS PUTTING OUT
HOSTILE VIBES TO YOU, OKAY?
BUT, LIKE, IF YOU LET THOSE
HOSTILE VIBES TO YOU, OKAY?
BUT, LIKE, IF YOU LET THOSE
HOSTILE VIBES, LIKE, GET TO YOU,
BUT, LIKE, IF YOU LET THOSE
HOSTILE VIBES, LIKE, GET TO YOU,
YOU KNOW?
HOSTILE VIBES, LIKE, GET TO YOU,
YOU KNOW?
LIKE, THEN, YOU GET AGGRESSIVE,
YOU KNOW?
LIKE, THEN, YOU GET AGGRESSIVE,
AND YOU'RE NO BETTER THAN HE IS,
LIKE, THEN, YOU GET AGGRESSIVE,
AND YOU'RE NO BETTER THAN HE IS,
MAN.
AND YOU'RE NO BETTER THAN HE IS,
MAN.
LIKE, WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO IS,
MAN.
LIKE, WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO IS,
LIKE, REACH REALLY, REALLY DEEP
LIKE, WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO IS,
LIKE, REACH REALLY, REALLY DEEP
INSIDE YOURSELF, MAN, AND, LIKE,
LIKE, REACH REALLY, REALLY DEEP
INSIDE YOURSELF, MAN, AND, LIKE,
PULL OUT ALL THE SUNSHINE AND
INSIDE YOURSELF, MAN, AND, LIKE,
PULL OUT ALL THE SUNSHINE AND
LIGHT THAT I KNOW THAT'S INSIDE
PULL OUT ALL THE SUNSHINE AND
LIGHT THAT I KNOW THAT'S INSIDE
YOU.
LIGHT THAT I KNOW THAT'S INSIDE
YOU.
LIKE, I KNOW THAT'S IN THERE.
YOU.
LIKE, I KNOW THAT'S IN THERE.
YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL.
LIKE, I KNOW THAT'S IN THERE.
YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL.
AND, LIKE, GIVE THAT POSITIVE
YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL.
AND, LIKE, GIVE THAT POSITIVE
ENERGY TO HIM, AND IT'LL
AND, LIKE, GIVE THAT POSITIVE
ENERGY TO HIM, AND IT'LL
OVERCOME HIS BAD KARMA.
ENERGY TO HIM, AND IT'LL
OVERCOME HIS BAD KARMA.
GIVE ME A BREAK!
OVERCOME HIS BAD KARMA.
GIVE ME A BREAK!
OH, LOOK, DON'T LISTEN
GIVE ME A BREAK!
OH, LOOK, DON'T LISTEN
TO HIM.
OH, LOOK, DON'T LISTEN
TO HIM.
JUST THINK OF EVERYTHING THAT'S
TO HIM.
JUST THINK OF EVERYTHING THAT'S
GOOD WITHIN YOU, AND GIVE IT TO
JUST THINK OF EVERYTHING THAT'S
GOOD WITHIN YOU, AND GIVE IT TO
HIM.
GOOD WITHIN YOU, AND GIVE IT TO
HIM.
LIKE, THINK CREATIVELY, EXPRESS
HIM.
LIKE, THINK CREATIVELY, EXPRESS
YOURSELF, DO ANYTHING, MAN.
LIKE, THINK CREATIVELY, EXPRESS
YOURSELF, DO ANYTHING, MAN.
OH, I KNOW.
YOURSELF, DO ANYTHING, MAN.
OH, I KNOW.
I'LL SING HIM A SONG.
OH, I KNOW.
I'LL SING HIM A SONG.
BEAUTIFUL!
I'LL SING HIM A SONG.
BEAUTIFUL!
THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL IDEA.
BEAUTIFUL!
THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL IDEA.
HIT IT.
THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL IDEA.
HIT IT.
[Off-key] ♪ YOU'RE NOT A
HIT IT.
[Off-key] ♪ YOU'RE NOT A
DREAM ♪
[Off-key] ♪ YOU'RE NOT A
DREAM ♪
♪ YOU'RE NOT AN ANGEL ♪
DREAM ♪
♪ YOU'RE NOT AN ANGEL ♪
♪ YOU'RE A MAN ♪
♪ YOU'RE NOT AN ANGEL ♪
♪ YOU'RE A MAN ♪
♪ I'M NOT A QUEEN ♪
♪ YOU'RE A MAN ♪
♪ I'M NOT A QUEEN ♪
♪ I'M A WOMAN ♪
♪ I'M NOT A QUEEN ♪
♪ I'M A WOMAN ♪
♪ TAKE MY HAND ♪
♪ I'M A WOMAN ♪
♪ TAKE MY HAND ♪
♪ MAKE A SPACE IN THE LIVES THAT
♪ TAKE MY HAND ♪
♪ MAKE A SPACE IN THE LIVES THAT
WE PLAN ♪
♪ MAKE A SPACE IN THE LIVES THAT
WE PLAN ♪
♪ AND HERE WE'LL STAY ♪
WE PLAN ♪
♪ AND HERE WE'LL STAY ♪
♪ UNTIL IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO
♪ AND HERE WE'LL STAY ♪
♪ UNTIL IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO
GO-O-O-O-O ♪
♪ UNTIL IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO
GO-O-O-O-O ♪
THAT'S REALLY BEAUTIFUL,
GO-O-O-O-O ♪
THAT'S REALLY BEAUTIFUL,
HONEY.
THAT'S REALLY BEAUTIFUL,
HONEY.
THAT'S REALLY BEAUTIFUL.
HONEY.
THAT'S REALLY BEAUTIFUL.
THANK YOU.
THAT'S REALLY BEAUTIFUL.
THANK YOU.
CAN I HAVE THAT CONE NOW?
THANK YOU.
CAN I HAVE THAT CONE NOW?
NO!
WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE TROUBLE,
LUKE?
OH, HI, BERNARD.
LUKE?
OH, HI, BERNARD.
THIS IS MY STORE, ISN'T IT?
OH, HI, BERNARD.
THIS IS MY STORE, ISN'T IT?
IT SURE IS.
THIS IS MY STORE, ISN'T IT?
IT SURE IS.
WELL, THAT MEANS THAT I DON'T
IT SURE IS.
WELL, THAT MEANS THAT I DON'T
HAVE TO SERVE ANYBODY I DON'T
WELL, THAT MEANS THAT I DON'T
HAVE TO SERVE ANYBODY I DON'T
WANT TO, RIGHT?
HAVE TO SERVE ANYBODY I DON'T
WANT TO, RIGHT?
THAT'S RIGHT.
WANT TO, RIGHT?
THAT'S RIGHT.
WELL, I WANT TO SERVE WHITES.
THAT'S RIGHT.
WELL, I WANT TO SERVE WHITES.
HEY, LUKE, WHERE'S THE FLOUR
WELL, I WANT TO SERVE WHITES.
HEY, LUKE, WHERE'S THE FLOUR
YOU KEEP AROUND TO DEGRADE ALL
HEY, LUKE, WHERE'S THE FLOUR
YOU KEEP AROUND TO DEGRADE ALL
MEMBERS OF THE NON-WHITE RACE?
YOU KEEP AROUND TO DEGRADE ALL
MEMBERS OF THE NON-WHITE RACE?
OVER THERE IN THE CORNER.
MEMBERS OF THE NON-WHITE RACE?
OVER THERE IN THE CORNER.
OH, YEAH. YEAH.
OVER THERE IN THE CORNER.
OH, YEAH. YEAH.
[CHUCKLING]
OH, YEAH. YEAH.
[CHUCKLING]
THERE.
[CHUCKLING]
THERE.
LOOK AT THAT LITTLE INDIAN BOY.
THERE.
LOOK AT THAT LITTLE INDIAN BOY.
UHH!
LOOK AT THAT LITTLE INDIAN BOY.
UHH!
AND LOOK AT THAT LITTLE
UHH!
AND LOOK AT THAT LITTLE
INDIAN GIRL.
AND LOOK AT THAT LITTLE
INDIAN GIRL.
THERE YOU GO.
INDIAN GIRL.
THERE YOU GO.
NOW YOU CAN SERVE THEM.
THERE YOU GO.
NOW YOU CAN SERVE THEM.
THEY'RE ALL WHITE, LUKE!
NOW YOU CAN SERVE THEM.
THEY'RE ALL WHITE, LUKE!
YOU WOULDN'T DO THIS IF
THEY'RE ALL WHITE, LUKE!
YOU WOULDN'T DO THIS IF
BILLY PAUL WAS HERE!
YOU WOULDN'T DO THIS IF
BILLY PAUL WAS HERE!
[Mockingly] "YOU WOULDN'T
BILLY PAUL WAS HERE!
[Mockingly] "YOU WOULDN'T
DO THIS IF BILLY PAUL WERE
[Mockingly] "YOU WOULDN'T
DO THIS IF BILLY PAUL WERE
HERE!"
DO THIS IF BILLY PAUL WERE
HERE!"
WELL, WHERE'S BILLY PAUL NOW,
HERE!"
WELL, WHERE'S BILLY PAUL NOW,
HUH?
WELL, WHERE'S BILLY PAUL NOW,
HUH?
HE'S UNDERGOING A SACRED
HUH?
HE'S UNDERGOING A SACRED
INDIAN RITUAL IN WHICH HE
HE'S UNDERGOING A SACRED
INDIAN RITUAL IN WHICH HE
GETS BITTEN ON THE ANKLES
INDIAN RITUAL IN WHICH HE
GETS BITTEN ON THE ANKLES
REPEATEDLY BY POISONOUS
GETS BITTEN ON THE ANKLES
REPEATEDLY BY POISONOUS
RATTLESNAKES, AND THEN HE HAS TO
REPEATEDLY BY POISONOUS
RATTLESNAKES, AND THEN HE HAS TO
DANCE, AND THEN HE GETS BITTEN
RATTLESNAKES, AND THEN HE HAS TO
DANCE, AND THEN HE GETS BITTEN
REPEATEDLY SOME MORE BY SOME
DANCE, AND THEN HE GETS BITTEN
REPEATEDLY SOME MORE BY SOME
MORE RATTLESNAKES, THEN HE HAS
REPEATEDLY SOME MORE BY SOME
MORE RATTLESNAKES, THEN HE HAS
TO DANCE SOME MORE.
MORE RATTLESNAKES, THEN HE HAS
TO DANCE SOME MORE.
[COUGHS]
TO DANCE SOME MORE.
[COUGHS]
WHAT'S THE POINT OF
[COUGHS]
WHAT'S THE POINT OF
THE CEREMONY?
WHAT'S THE POINT OF
THE CEREMONY?
SO THE GREAT SPIRIT CAN SEE
THE CEREMONY?
SO THE GREAT SPIRIT CAN SEE
HOW GOOD A DANCER HE IS.
SO THE GREAT SPIRIT CAN SEE
HOW GOOD A DANCER HE IS.
[SCOFFS]
HOW GOOD A DANCER HE IS.
[SCOFFS]
[LAUGHTER]
[SCOFFS]
[LAUGHTER]
I'M HERE TO HELP INDIANS AND
[LAUGHTER]
I'M HERE TO HELP INDIANS AND
WILD HORSES AND RUNAWAY KIDS OF
I'M HERE TO HELP INDIANS AND
WILD HORSES AND RUNAWAY KIDS OF
ALL RACES AND RELIGIONS.
WILD HORSES AND RUNAWAY KIDS OF
ALL RACES AND RELIGIONS.
DON'T YOU TOUCH ME,
ALL RACES AND RELIGIONS.
DON'T YOU TOUCH ME,
BILLY PAUL!
DON'T YOU TOUCH ME,
BILLY PAUL!
I'LL CALL MY FATHER!
BILLY PAUL!
I'LL CALL MY FATHER!
IF YOU TOUCH ME, YOU'RE A DEAD
I'LL CALL MY FATHER!
IF YOU TOUCH ME, YOU'RE A DEAD
MAN, BILLY PAUL!
IF YOU TOUCH ME, YOU'RE A DEAD
MAN, BILLY PAUL!
OH, MY GOD, BERNARD.
MAN, BILLY PAUL!
OH, MY GOD, BERNARD.
LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE.
YOU KNOW, JEANIE AND THE KIDS
AT SCHOOL, THEY ALL TELL ME TO
TRY AND CONTROL MY TEMPER.
AT SCHOOL, THEY ALL TELL ME TO
TRY AND CONTROL MY TEMPER.
THEY TELL ME TO TRY AND BE
TRY AND CONTROL MY TEMPER.
THEY TELL ME TO TRY AND BE
NONVIOLENT.
THEY TELL ME TO TRY AND BE
NONVIOLENT.
AND I TRY, BERNARD.
NONVIOLENT.
AND I TRY, BERNARD.
HONEST TO GOD, I TRY.
AND I TRY, BERNARD.
HONEST TO GOD, I TRY.
BUT WHEN I LOOK AT THIS GIRL...
HONEST TO GOD, I TRY.
BUT WHEN I LOOK AT THIS GIRL...
THIS BEAUTIFUL FLOWER...
BUT WHEN I LOOK AT THIS GIRL...
THIS BEAUTIFUL FLOWER...
THIS INNOCENT CHILD...
THIS BEAUTIFUL FLOWER...
THIS INNOCENT CHILD...
AND WHEN I THINK THAT SHE WILL
THIS INNOCENT CHILD...
AND WHEN I THINK THAT SHE WILL
CARRY WITH HER THE MEMORY OF
AND WHEN I THINK THAT SHE WILL
CARRY WITH HER THE MEMORY OF
THIS HUMILIATION, EVERY SINGLE
CARRY WITH HER THE MEMORY OF
THIS HUMILIATION, EVERY SINGLE
DAY OF HER LIFE, I JUST GO
THIS HUMILIATION, EVERY SINGLE
DAY OF HER LIFE, I JUST GO
BERSERK!
DAY OF HER LIFE, I JUST GO
BERSERK!
UH...
BERSERK!
UH...
HEY, BILLY PAUL, UH...
UH...
HEY, BILLY PAUL, UH...
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE A COUPLE OF
HEY, BILLY PAUL, UH...
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE A COUPLE OF
SCOOPS OF ROCKY ROAD?
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE A COUPLE OF
SCOOPS OF ROCKY ROAD?
UH...
SCOOPS OF ROCKY ROAD?
UH...
OR MAYBE SOME BANANA BUNDT
UH...
OR MAYBE SOME BANANA BUNDT
OR SOME, UH, ALMOND MOCHA?
OR MAYBE SOME BANANA BUNDT
OR SOME, UH, ALMOND MOCHA?
I WANT A TRIPLE CONE.
OR SOME, UH, ALMOND MOCHA?
I WANT A TRIPLE CONE.
STRAWBERRY, CHOCOLATE...
I WANT A TRIPLE CONE.
STRAWBERRY, CHOCOLATE...
ARE YOU LISTENING?
STRAWBERRY, CHOCOLATE...
ARE YOU LISTENING?
STRAWBERRY, CHOCOLATE, AND
ARE YOU LISTENING?
STRAWBERRY, CHOCOLATE, AND
VANILLA.
STRAWBERRY, CHOCOLATE, AND
VANILLA.
THAT'S RED, BLACK, AND WHITE,
VANILLA.
THAT'S RED, BLACK, AND WHITE,
TOGETHER.
THAT'S RED, BLACK, AND WHITE,
TOGETHER.
IF ONLY THE WORLD COULD GET
TOGETHER.
IF ONLY THE WORLD COULD GET
ALONG AS WELL AS THIS ICE CREAM
IF ONLY THE WORLD COULD GET
ALONG AS WELL AS THIS ICE CREAM
CONE, BILLY PAUL WOULDN'T HAVE
ALONG AS WELL AS THIS ICE CREAM
CONE, BILLY PAUL WOULDN'T HAVE
TO KILL SO MANY PEOPLE.
CONE, BILLY PAUL WOULDN'T HAVE
TO KILL SO MANY PEOPLE.
♪ GO AHEAD AND HATE YOUR
TO KILL SO MANY PEOPLE.
♪ GO AHEAD AND HATE YOUR
NEIGHBOR ♪
♪ GO AHEAD AND HATE YOUR
NEIGHBOR ♪
♪ GO AHEAD AND CHEAT A FRIEND ♪
NEIGHBOR ♪
♪ GO AHEAD AND CHEAT A FRIEND ♪
♪ DO IT IN THE NAME OF HEAVEN ♪
♪ GO AHEAD AND CHEAT A FRIEND ♪
♪ DO IT IN THE NAME OF HEAVEN ♪
♪ YOU CAN JUSTIFY IT IN THE
♪ DO IT IN THE NAME OF HEAVEN ♪
♪ YOU CAN JUSTIFY IT IN THE
END ♪
♪ YOU CAN JUSTIFY IT IN THE
END ♪
♪ THERE WON'T BE ANY TRUMPETS
END ♪
♪ THERE WON'T BE ANY TRUMPETS
BLOWING ♪
♪ THERE WON'T BE ANY TRUMPETS
BLOWING ♪
♪ COME THE JUDGMENT DAY ♪
BLOWING ♪
♪ COME THE JUDGMENT DAY ♪
♪ ON THE BLOODY MORNING AFTER ♪
♪ COME THE JUDGMENT DAY ♪
♪ ON THE BLOODY MORNING AFTER ♪
♪ ONE TIN SOLDIER RIDES AWAY ♪
[INTRO TO "SOMETHING SO RIGHT"
PLAYS]
♪ YOU GOT THE COOL WATER ♪
♪ WHEN THE FEVER RUNS HIGH ♪
♪ YOU GOT THE LOOK OF LOVE LIGHT
♪ WHEN THE FEVER RUNS HIGH ♪
♪ YOU GOT THE LOOK OF LOVE LIGHT
IN YOUR EYES ♪
♪ YOU GOT THE LOOK OF LOVE LIGHT
IN YOUR EYES ♪
♪ AND I WAS IN CRAZY MOTION ♪
IN YOUR EYES ♪
♪ AND I WAS IN CRAZY MOTION ♪
♪ TILL YOU CALMED ME DOWN ♪
♪ AND I WAS IN CRAZY MOTION ♪
♪ TILL YOU CALMED ME DOWN ♪
♪ IT TOOK A LITTLE TIME ♪
♪ TILL YOU CALMED ME DOWN ♪
♪ IT TOOK A LITTLE TIME ♪
♪ BUT YOU CALMED ME DOWN ♪
♪ IT TOOK A LITTLE TIME ♪
♪ BUT YOU CALMED ME DOWN ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG ♪
♪ BUT YOU CALMED ME DOWN ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG ♪
♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG ♪
♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ AND THE LAST ONE TO KNOW ♪
♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ AND THE LAST ONE TO KNOW ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES RIGHT ♪
♪ AND THE LAST ONE TO KNOW ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES RIGHT ♪
♪ OH, IT'S LIKELY TO LOSE ME,
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES RIGHT ♪
♪ OH, IT'S LIKELY TO LOSE ME,
MMM ♪
♪ OH, IT'S LIKELY TO LOSE ME,
MMM ♪
♪ IT'S APT TO CONFUSE ME ♪
MMM ♪
♪ IT'S APT TO CONFUSE ME ♪
♪ IT'S SUCH AN UNUSUAL SIGHT ♪
♪ IT'S APT TO CONFUSE ME ♪
♪ IT'S SUCH AN UNUSUAL SIGHT ♪
♪ OH, I CAN'T, I CAN'T GET USED
♪ IT'S SUCH AN UNUSUAL SIGHT ♪
♪ OH, I CAN'T, I CAN'T GET USED
TO SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪
♪ OH, I CAN'T, I CAN'T GET USED
TO SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪
♪ SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪
♪ THEY'VE GOT A WALL IN CHINA ♪
♪ IT'S A THOUSAND MILES LONG ♪
♪ TO KEEP OUT THE FOREIGNERS,
♪ IT'S A THOUSAND MILES LONG ♪
♪ TO KEEP OUT THE FOREIGNERS,
THEY MADE IT STRONG ♪
♪ TO KEEP OUT THE FOREIGNERS,
THEY MADE IT STRONG ♪
♪ AND I'VE GOT A WALL AROUND ME
THEY MADE IT STRONG ♪
♪ AND I'VE GOT A WALL AROUND ME
THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE ♪
♪ AND I'VE GOT A WALL AROUND ME
THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE ♪
♪ IT TOOK A LITTLE TIME, YEAH,
THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE ♪
♪ IT TOOK A LITTLE TIME, YEAH,
TO GET NEXT TO ME ♪
♪ IT TOOK A LITTLE TIME, YEAH,
TO GET NEXT TO ME ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG ♪
TO GET NEXT TO ME ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG ♪
♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG ♪
♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ THE LAST ONE TO KNOW ♪
♪ THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ THE LAST ONE TO KNOW ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES RIGHT ♪
♪ THE LAST ONE TO KNOW ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES RIGHT ♪
♪ OH, IT'S LIKELY TO LOSE ME,
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES RIGHT ♪
♪ OH, IT'S LIKELY TO LOSE ME,
OH ♪
♪ OH, IT'S LIKELY TO LOSE ME,
OH ♪
♪ IT'S APT TO CONFUSE ME ♪
OH ♪
♪ IT'S APT TO CONFUSE ME ♪
♪ BECAUSE IT'S SUCH AN UNUSUAL
♪ IT'S APT TO CONFUSE ME ♪
♪ BECAUSE IT'S SUCH AN UNUSUAL
SIGHT ♪
♪ BECAUSE IT'S SUCH AN UNUSUAL
SIGHT ♪
♪ OH, I SWEAR, I CAN'T GET USED
SIGHT ♪
♪ OH, I SWEAR, I CAN'T GET USED
TO SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪
♪ OH, I SWEAR, I CAN'T GET USED
TO SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪
♪ SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪
TO SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪
♪ SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪
♪ SOME PEOPLE NEVER SAY THE
♪ SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪
♪ SOME PEOPLE NEVER SAY THE
WORDS "I LOVE YOU" ♪
♪ SOME PEOPLE NEVER SAY THE
WORDS "I LOVE YOU" ♪
♪ IT'S NOT THEIR STYLE
WORDS "I LOVE YOU" ♪
♪ IT'S NOT THEIR STYLE
TO BE SO BOLD ♪
♪ IT'S NOT THEIR STYLE
TO BE SO BOLD ♪
♪ SOME PEOPLE NEVER SAY THOSE
TO BE SO BOLD ♪
♪ SOME PEOPLE NEVER SAY THOSE
WORDS "I LOVE YOU" ♪
♪ SOME PEOPLE NEVER SAY THOSE
WORDS "I LOVE YOU" ♪
♪ BUT LIKE A CHILD, THEY'RE
WORDS "I LOVE YOU" ♪
♪ BUT LIKE A CHILD, THEY'RE
LONGING TO BE TO-O-LD ♪
♪ BUT LIKE A CHILD, THEY'RE
LONGING TO BE TO-O-LD ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG ♪
LONGING TO BE TO-O-LD ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG ♪
♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG ♪
♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ AND THE LAST ONE TO KNOW ♪
♪ THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪
♪ AND THE LAST ONE TO KNOW ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES RIGHT ♪
♪ AND THE LAST ONE TO KNOW ♪
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES RIGHT ♪
♪ WELL, IT'S LIKELY TO LOSE ME,
♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES RIGHT ♪
♪ WELL, IT'S LIKELY TO LOSE ME,
OH ♪
♪ WELL, IT'S LIKELY TO LOSE ME,
OH ♪
♪ IT'S APT TO CONFUSE ME ♪
OH ♪
♪ IT'S APT TO CONFUSE ME ♪
♪ BEING IT'S SUCH AN UNUSUAL
♪ IT'S APT TO CONFUSE ME ♪
♪ BEING IT'S SUCH AN UNUSUAL
SIGHT ♪
♪ BEING IT'S SUCH AN UNUSUAL
SIGHT ♪
♪ OH, I SWEAR, I CAN'T GET USED
SIGHT ♪
♪ OH, I SWEAR, I CAN'T GET USED
TO SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪
♪ OH, I SWEAR, I CAN'T GET USED
TO SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪
♪ OH, OH, SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪
TO SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪
♪ OH, OH, SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
♪ WELL, I PULLED OUT OF
PITTSBURGH ♪
♪ WELL, I PULLED OUT OF
PITTSBURGH ♪
♪ ROLLIN' DOWN THAT EASTERN
PITTSBURGH ♪
♪ ROLLIN' DOWN THAT EASTERN
SEABOARD ♪
♪ ROLLIN' DOWN THAT EASTERN
SEABOARD ♪
♪ I GOT MY DIESEL WOUND UP, AND
SEABOARD ♪
♪ I GOT MY DIESEL WOUND UP, AND
SHE'S A-RUNNIN' LIKE NEVER
♪ I GOT MY DIESEL WOUND UP, AND
SHE'S A-RUNNIN' LIKE NEVER
BEFORE ♪
SHE'S A-RUNNIN' LIKE NEVER
BEFORE ♪
♪ THERE'S A SPEED ZONE
BEFORE ♪
♪ THERE'S A SPEED ZONE
AHEAD, ALL RIGHT... ♪
♪ THERE'S A SPEED ZONE
AHEAD, ALL RIGHT... ♪
HELLO, EVERYBODY, AND
AHEAD, ALL RIGHT... ♪
HELLO, EVERYBODY, AND
WELCOME.
HELLO, EVERYBODY, AND
WELCOME.
AS YOU GATHERED FROM THE FILM
WELCOME.
AS YOU GATHERED FROM THE FILM
CLIP OFF THE TOP OF THE SHOW,
AS YOU GATHERED FROM THE FILM
CLIP OFF THE TOP OF THE SHOW,
WE'RE GONNA BE DOING A SHOW
CLIP OFF THE TOP OF THE SHOW,
WE'RE GONNA BE DOING A SHOW
ABOUT TRUCKS AND TRUCKERS
WE'RE GONNA BE DOING A SHOW
ABOUT TRUCKS AND TRUCKERS
TONIGHT, AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY
ABOUT TRUCKS AND TRUCKERS
TONIGHT, AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY
IT.
TONIGHT, AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY
IT.
I'D LIKE TO SAY, UH, AT THE
IT.
I'D LIKE TO SAY, UH, AT THE
OUTSET...
I'D LIKE TO SAY, UH, AT THE
OUTSET...
[APPLAUSE]
OUTSET...
[APPLAUSE]
OF THE PROGRAM THAT WE HAD
[APPLAUSE]
OF THE PROGRAM THAT WE HAD
SUCH A GOOD TIME IN ENGLAND,
OF THE PROGRAM THAT WE HAD
SUCH A GOOD TIME IN ENGLAND,
WE'RE GONNA TRY TO GET BACK
SUCH A GOOD TIME IN ENGLAND,
WE'RE GONNA TRY TO GET BACK
THERE.
WE'RE GONNA TRY TO GET BACK
THERE.
AT LEAST, I'M GONNA TRY TO GET
THERE.
AT LEAST, I'M GONNA TRY TO GET
BACK THERE.
AT LEAST, I'M GONNA TRY TO GET
BACK THERE.
WHETHER THE PRODUCTION CREW CAN
BACK THERE.
WHETHER THE PRODUCTION CREW CAN
COME WITH ME, THAT'S ANOTHER
WHETHER THE PRODUCTION CREW CAN
COME WITH ME, THAT'S ANOTHER
MATTER, AND ONE THAT WILL BE
COME WITH ME, THAT'S ANOTHER
MATTER, AND ONE THAT WILL BE
DECIDED UPSTAIRS AT THE RCA
MATTER, AND ONE THAT WILL BE
DECIDED UPSTAIRS AT THE RCA
BUILDING, OR ACTUALLY
DECIDED UPSTAIRS AT THE RCA
BUILDING, OR ACTUALLY
DOWNSTAIRS.
BUILDING, OR ACTUALLY
DOWNSTAIRS.
IF YOU KNOW THE RCA BUILDING, WE
DOWNSTAIRS.
IF YOU KNOW THE RCA BUILDING, WE
TAPE ON 6 AND THE EXECUTIVE
IF YOU KNOW THE RCA BUILDING, WE
TAPE ON 6 AND THE EXECUTIVE
OFFICES ARE ON 4.
TAPE ON 6 AND THE EXECUTIVE
OFFICES ARE ON 4.
HA HA HA.
OFFICES ARE ON 4.
HA HA HA.
[LAUGHTER]
HA HA HA.
[LAUGHTER]
WE'RE TALKING TONIGHT WITH
[LAUGHTER]
WE'RE TALKING TONIGHT WITH
MR. PAUL SIMON.
WE'RE TALKING TONIGHT WITH
MR. PAUL SIMON.
HE'S HEAD OF THE EASTERN
MR. PAUL SIMON.
HE'S HEAD OF THE EASTERN
SEABOARD CHAPTER OF THE
HE'S HEAD OF THE EASTERN
SEABOARD CHAPTER OF THE
INDEPENDENT TRUCKERS ASSOCIATION
SEABOARD CHAPTER OF THE
INDEPENDENT TRUCKERS ASSOCIATION
OF AMERICA.
INDEPENDENT TRUCKERS ASSOCIATION
OF AMERICA.
MR. SIMON, THE GYPSY TRUCKER'S A
OF AMERICA.
MR. SIMON, THE GYPSY TRUCKER'S A
HARDWORKING MAN, AND I WANT TO
MR. SIMON, THE GYPSY TRUCKER'S A
HARDWORKING MAN, AND I WANT TO
ASK YOU, SIR, YOU PUSH A RIG 24
HARDWORKING MAN, AND I WANT TO
ASK YOU, SIR, YOU PUSH A RIG 24
HOURS A DAY.
ASK YOU, SIR, YOU PUSH A RIG 24
HOURS A DAY.
DO YOU HAVE A RATE SET PER
HOURS A DAY.
DO YOU HAVE A RATE SET PER
MILEAGE, AND WELL, HOW THE HELL
DO YOU HAVE A RATE SET PER
MILEAGE, AND WELL, HOW THE HELL
DO YOU DO IT, SIR?
MILEAGE, AND WELL, HOW THE HELL
DO YOU DO IT, SIR?
LET ME JUST START OFF BY
DO YOU DO IT, SIR?
LET ME JUST START OFF BY
SAYING THAT I AM NOT AN
LET ME JUST START OFF BY
SAYING THAT I AM NOT AN
INDEPENDENT TRUCKER.
SAYING THAT I AM NOT AN
INDEPENDENT TRUCKER.
I MEAN, I NEVER DROVE A TRUCK.
INDEPENDENT TRUCKER.
I MEAN, I NEVER DROVE A TRUCK.
UH...
I MEAN, I NEVER DROVE A TRUCK.
UH...
MY NAME IS PAUL SIMON, BUT
UH...
MY NAME IS PAUL SIMON, BUT
I'M A SONGWRITER.
MY NAME IS PAUL SIMON, BUT
I'M A SONGWRITER.
I'M NOT A TRUCKER.
I'M A SONGWRITER.
I'M NOT A TRUCKER.
YOU'RE PAUL SIMON AND YOU'RE
I'M NOT A TRUCKER.
YOU'RE PAUL SIMON AND YOU'RE
A SONGWRITER, BUT YOU WROTE THE
YOU'RE PAUL SIMON AND YOU'RE
A SONGWRITER, BUT YOU WROTE THE
TRUCKING SONG WE HEARD OFF THE
A SONGWRITER, BUT YOU WROTE THE
TRUCKING SONG WE HEARD OFF THE
TOP OF THE SHOW.
TRUCKING SONG WE HEARD OFF THE
TOP OF THE SHOW.
IS THAT CORRECT?
TOP OF THE SHOW.
IS THAT CORRECT?
NO. NO, I...
IS THAT CORRECT?
NO. NO, I...
BUT YOU DO WRITE SONGS ABOUT
NO. NO, I...
BUT YOU DO WRITE SONGS ABOUT
TRUCKS AND TRUCKERS.
BUT YOU DO WRITE SONGS ABOUT
TRUCKS AND TRUCKERS.
NO, I'VE NEVER WRITTEN A SONG
TRUCKS AND TRUCKERS.
NO, I'VE NEVER WRITTEN A SONG
ABOUT A TRUCK OR TRUCKERS.
NO, I'VE NEVER WRITTEN A SONG
ABOUT A TRUCK OR TRUCKERS.
ALL RIGHT, SIR.
ABOUT A TRUCK OR TRUCKERS.
ALL RIGHT, SIR.
SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE, I
ALL RIGHT, SIR.
SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE, I
GUESS I MADE A MISTAKE OR MY
SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE, I
GUESS I MADE A MISTAKE OR MY
STAFF HAS MADE A MISTAKE, AND,
GUESS I MADE A MISTAKE OR MY
STAFF HAS MADE A MISTAKE, AND,
WELL, WHEN I HEARD THAT WE'D
STAFF HAS MADE A MISTAKE, AND,
WELL, WHEN I HEARD THAT WE'D
BOOKED PAUL SIMON, I ASSUMED
WELL, WHEN I HEARD THAT WE'D
BOOKED PAUL SIMON, I ASSUMED
THAT IT WAS A MR. SIMON THAT
BOOKED PAUL SIMON, I ASSUMED
THAT IT WAS A MR. SIMON THAT
WE'D INTERVIEWED BEFORE FROM THE
THAT IT WAS A MR. SIMON THAT
WE'D INTERVIEWED BEFORE FROM THE
I.T.A.
WE'D INTERVIEWED BEFORE FROM THE
I.T.A.
YOU'RE NOT THAT PAUL SIMON.
I.T.A.
YOU'RE NOT THAT PAUL SIMON.
YOU'RE PAUL SIMON THE WRITER,
YOU'RE NOT THAT PAUL SIMON.
YOU'RE PAUL SIMON THE WRITER,
AND NOW THAT I KNOW WHO YOU ARE,
YOU'RE PAUL SIMON THE WRITER,
AND NOW THAT I KNOW WHO YOU ARE,
AND YOU KNOW THAT I KNOW WHO YOU
AND NOW THAT I KNOW WHO YOU ARE,
AND YOU KNOW THAT I KNOW WHO YOU
ARE, MY FIRST QUESTION TO YOU,
AND YOU KNOW THAT I KNOW WHO YOU
ARE, MY FIRST QUESTION TO YOU,
SIR, WOULD BE, HOW THE HECK DO
ARE, MY FIRST QUESTION TO YOU,
SIR, WOULD BE, HOW THE HECK DO
YOU DO IT?
SIR, WOULD BE, HOW THE HECK DO
YOU DO IT?
YOU HAVE AN ENDLESS STRING OF
YOU DO IT?
YOU HAVE AN ENDLESS STRING OF
HITS... "BAREFOOT IN THE PARK,"
YOU HAVE AN ENDLESS STRING OF
HITS... "BAREFOOT IN THE PARK,"
"THE ODD COUPLE," UH...
HITS... "BAREFOOT IN THE PARK,"
"THE ODD COUPLE," UH...
"STAR-SPANGLED GIRL,"
"THE ODD COUPLE," UH...
"STAR-SPANGLED GIRL,"
"CALIFORNIA SUITE"... WHICH,
"STAR-SPANGLED GIRL,"
"CALIFORNIA SUITE"... WHICH,
INCIDENTALLY, I SAW IN
"CALIFORNIA SUITE"... WHICH,
INCIDENTALLY, I SAW IN
CALIFORNIA AND I SAW IN
INCIDENTALLY, I SAW IN
CALIFORNIA AND I SAW IN
NEW YORK, AND I LIKED THE
CALIFORNIA AND I SAW IN
NEW YORK, AND I LIKED THE
NEW YORK PRODUCTION A LOT
NEW YORK, AND I LIKED THE
NEW YORK PRODUCTION A LOT
BETTER.
NEW YORK PRODUCTION A LOT
BETTER.
HOW DO YOU KEEP COMING UP WITH
BETTER.
HOW DO YOU KEEP COMING UP WITH
THEM?
HOW DO YOU KEEP COMING UP WITH
THEM?
UH, WELL, I DON'T ACTUALLY.
THEM?
UH, WELL, I DON'T ACTUALLY.
THAT'S NEIL SIMON.
UH, WELL, I DON'T ACTUALLY.
THAT'S NEIL SIMON.
PLAYS, MO...
THAT'S NEIL SIMON.
PLAYS, MO...
I THINK YOU'RE THINKING OF
PLAYS, MO...
I THINK YOU'RE THINKING OF
NEIL SIMON, AREN'T YOU, THE
I THINK YOU'RE THINKING OF
NEIL SIMON, AREN'T YOU, THE
PLAYWRIGHT?
NEIL SIMON, AREN'T YOU, THE
PLAYWRIGHT?
NEIL SIMON.
PLAYWRIGHT?
NEIL SIMON.
AND YOU'RE PAUL SIMON.
NEIL SIMON.
AND YOU'RE PAUL SIMON.
SO, YOU'D BE A RELATION TO HIM,
AND YOU'RE PAUL SIMON.
SO, YOU'D BE A RELATION TO HIM,
AND THAT'S WHY YOU'RE HERE...
SO, YOU'D BE A RELATION TO HIM,
AND THAT'S WHY YOU'RE HERE...
NO. NO RELATION.
AND THAT'S WHY YOU'RE HERE...
NO. NO RELATION.
WELL, SIR, THEN, AT THIS
NO. NO RELATION.
WELL, SIR, THEN, AT THIS
POINT, LET ME ASK YOU, WHAT
WELL, SIR, THEN, AT THIS
POINT, LET ME ASK YOU, WHAT
EXACTLY DO YOU DO?
POINT, LET ME ASK YOU, WHAT
EXACTLY DO YOU DO?
WELL, I WAS UNDER THE
EXACTLY DO YOU DO?
WELL, I WAS UNDER THE
IMPRESSION THAT YOU INVITED ME
WELL, I WAS UNDER THE
IMPRESSION THAT YOU INVITED ME
ON THE SHOW, I MEAN, TO TALK
IMPRESSION THAT YOU INVITED ME
ON THE SHOW, I MEAN, TO TALK
ABOUT A BENEFIT THAT I'M ABOUT
ON THE SHOW, I MEAN, TO TALK
ABOUT A BENEFIT THAT I'M ABOUT
TO DO AT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN
ABOUT A BENEFIT THAT I'M ABOUT
TO DO AT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN
FOR THE AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES
TO DO AT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN
FOR THE AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES
UNION.
FOR THE AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES
UNION.
AH.
UNION.
AH.
THE AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES
AH.
THE AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES
UNION.
THE AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES
UNION.
I THOUGHT YOU KNEW THAT.
UNION.
I THOUGHT YOU KNEW THAT.
YOU'RE A SONGWRITER, AND YOU,
I THOUGHT YOU KNEW THAT.
YOU'RE A SONGWRITER, AND YOU,
WELL, NOW I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
YOU'RE A SONGWRITER, AND YOU,
WELL, NOW I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
LET ME ASK YOU THIS QUESTION.
WELL, NOW I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
LET ME ASK YOU THIS QUESTION.
AS AN ENGLISHMAN LIVING IN THIS
LET ME ASK YOU THIS QUESTION.
AS AN ENGLISHMAN LIVING IN THIS
COUNTRY WHO'S BEEN HAVING
AS AN ENGLISHMAN LIVING IN THIS
COUNTRY WHO'S BEEN HAVING
TROUBLE WITH IMMIGRATION, I
COUNTRY WHO'S BEEN HAVING
TROUBLE WITH IMMIGRATION, I
GUESS YOU'RE PRETTY HAPPY AT THE
TROUBLE WITH IMMIGRATION, I
GUESS YOU'RE PRETTY HAPPY AT THE
WAY THINGS TURNED OUT.
GUESS YOU'RE PRETTY HAPPY AT THE
WAY THINGS TURNED OUT.
YEAH, WELL, THEY'RE NOT
WAY THINGS TURNED OUT.
YEAH, WELL, THEY'RE NOT
BOTHERING ME, SINCE I WAS BORN
YEAH, WELL, THEY'RE NOT
BOTHERING ME, SINCE I WAS BORN
IN NEWARK.
BOTHERING ME, SINCE I WAS BORN
IN NEWARK.
YOU KNOW, THINGS HAVE BEEN GOING
IN NEWARK.
YOU KNOW, THINGS HAVE BEEN GOING
ALL RIGHT.
YOU KNOW, THINGS HAVE BEEN GOING
ALL RIGHT.
BUT YOU LIVE IN NEW YORK, AND
ALL RIGHT.
BUT YOU LIVE IN NEW YORK, AND
YOU DO HAVE A JAPANESE WIFE.
BUT YOU LIVE IN NEW YORK, AND
YOU DO HAVE A JAPANESE WIFE.
I DON'T HAVE A JAPANESE WIFE.
YOU DO HAVE A JAPANESE WIFE.
I DON'T HAVE A JAPANESE WIFE.
COME ON, NOW.
I DON'T HAVE A JAPANESE WIFE.
COME ON, NOW.
ONE OF YOU HAS A JAPANESE WIFE.
COME ON, NOW.
ONE OF YOU HAS A JAPANESE WIFE.
HA HA HA.
ONE OF YOU HAS A JAPANESE WIFE.
HA HA HA.
LOOK, UH...
HA HA HA.
LOOK, UH...
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
LOOK, UH...
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I WAS INVITED ON THIS SHOW...
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I WAS INVITED ON THIS SHOW...
AND IT'S OBVIOUS TO ME THAT YOU
I WAS INVITED ON THIS SHOW...
AND IT'S OBVIOUS TO ME THAT YOU
DON'T KNOW WHO OR WHAT I AM.
AND IT'S OBVIOUS TO ME THAT YOU
DON'T KNOW WHO OR WHAT I AM.
I'VE NEVER EVEN SEEN YOUR SHOW.
DON'T KNOW WHO OR WHAT I AM.
I'VE NEVER EVEN SEEN YOUR SHOW.
I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE, SO I'LL
I'VE NEVER EVEN SEEN YOUR SHOW.
I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE, SO I'LL
JUST BE SAYING GOOD NIGHT, THEN.
I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE, SO I'LL
JUST BE SAYING GOOD NIGHT, THEN.
UH, YEAH. GOOD NIGHT.
JUST BE SAYING GOOD NIGHT, THEN.
UH, YEAH. GOOD NIGHT.
WELL, SIR, FINE.
UH, YEAH. GOOD NIGHT.
WELL, SIR, FINE.
IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU FEEL, I
WELL, SIR, FINE.
IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU FEEL, I
CAN RESPECT THAT.
IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU FEEL, I
CAN RESPECT THAT.
I CAN RESPECT ANY MAN'S
CAN RESPECT THAT.
I CAN RESPECT ANY MAN'S
OPINIONS.
I CAN RESPECT ANY MAN'S
OPINIONS.
I GUESS WHAT WE'VE SEEN THERE IS
OPINIONS.
I GUESS WHAT WE'VE SEEN THERE IS
A LITTLE BIT OF THE ANGER OF THE
I GUESS WHAT WE'VE SEEN THERE IS
A LITTLE BIT OF THE ANGER OF THE
'60s, A LITTLE BIT OF THE ANGER
A LITTLE BIT OF THE ANGER OF THE
'60s, A LITTLE BIT OF THE ANGER
THAT CAUSED SOME OF THE HIJINKS
'60s, A LITTLE BIT OF THE ANGER
THAT CAUSED SOME OF THE HIJINKS
AT COLLEGE CAMPUSES, AND SOME OF
THAT CAUSED SOME OF THE HIJINKS
AT COLLEGE CAMPUSES, AND SOME OF
THAT ANGER WE'LL BE SEEING AT
AT COLLEGE CAMPUSES, AND SOME OF
THAT ANGER WE'LL BE SEEING AT
THAT BENEFIT FOR THE AMERICAN
THAT ANGER WE'LL BE SEEING AT
THAT BENEFIT FOR THE AMERICAN
CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION.
THAT BENEFIT FOR THE AMERICAN
CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION.
AND, SIR, GOOD LUCK TO YOU, AND
CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION.
AND, SIR, GOOD LUCK TO YOU, AND
WELL, BYE-BYE.
AND, SIR, GOOD LUCK TO YOU, AND
WELL, BYE-BYE.
WE'LL BE BACK AFTER THIS
WELL, BYE-BYE.
WE'LL BE BACK AFTER THIS
COMMERCIAL WITH AN 85-YEAR-OLD
WE'LL BE BACK AFTER THIS
COMMERCIAL WITH AN 85-YEAR-OLD
INTERIOR DECORATOR WHO CLAIMS
COMMERCIAL WITH AN 85-YEAR-OLD
INTERIOR DECORATOR WHO CLAIMS
SHE WAS ABDUCTED BY 9-FOOT-TALL
INTERIOR DECORATOR WHO CLAIMS
SHE WAS ABDUCTED BY 9-FOOT-TALL
HUMANOIDS IN A FOREST IN
SHE WAS ABDUCTED BY 9-FOOT-TALL
HUMANOIDS IN A FOREST IN
ARIZONA.
HUMANOIDS IN A FOREST IN
ARIZONA.
BUT FIRST, HERE'S A FILM BY
ARIZONA.
BUT FIRST, HERE'S A FILM BY
GEORGE HARRISON.
BUT FIRST, HERE'S A FILM BY
GEORGE HARRISON.
[APPLAUSE]
GEORGE HARRISON.
[APPLAUSE]
[INTRO TO "THIS SONG" PLAYS]
♪ THIS SONG ♪
♪ HAS NOTHING TRICKY ABOUT IT ♪
♪ THIS SONG ♪
♪ HAS NOTHING TRICKY ABOUT IT ♪
♪ THIS SONG ♪
♪ AIN'T BLACK OR WHITE ♪
♪ THIS SONG ♪
♪ AIN'T BLACK OR WHITE ♪
♪ AND AS FAR AS I KNOW,
♪ AIN'T BLACK OR WHITE ♪
♪ AND AS FAR AS I KNOW,
DON'T INFRINGE ON ANYONE'S
♪ AND AS FAR AS I KNOW,
DON'T INFRINGE ON ANYONE'S
COPYRIGHT, SO ♪
DON'T INFRINGE ON ANYONE'S
COPYRIGHT, SO ♪
♪ THIS SONG ♪
COPYRIGHT, SO ♪
♪ THIS SONG ♪
♪ WE'LL LET BE ♪
♪ THIS SONG ♪
♪ WE'LL LET BE ♪
♪ THIS SONG IS IN "E" ♪
♪ WE'LL LET BE ♪
♪ THIS SONG IS IN "E" ♪
♪ THIS SONG IS FOR YOU AND
♪ THIS TUNE ♪
♪ HAS NOTHING BRIGHT ABOUT IT ♪
♪ THIS TUNE ♪
♪ HAS NOTHING BRIGHT ABOUT IT ♪
♪ THIS TUNE ♪
♪ AIN'T BAD OR GOOD ♪
♪ THIS TUNE ♪
♪ AIN'T BAD OR GOOD ♪
♪ AND COME EVER WHAT MAY, MY
♪ AIN'T BAD OR GOOD ♪
♪ AND COME EVER WHAT MAY, MY
EXPERT TELLS ME IT'S OKAY ♪
♪ AND COME EVER WHAT MAY, MY
EXPERT TELLS ME IT'S OKAY ♪
♪ AS THIS SONG CAME TO ME
EXPERT TELLS ME IT'S OKAY ♪
♪ AS THIS SONG CAME TO ME
UNKNOWINGLY ♪
♪ AS THIS SONG CAME TO ME
UNKNOWINGLY ♪
♪ THIS SONG COULD BE YOU,
UNKNOWINGLY ♪
♪ THIS SONG COULD BE YOU,
COULD BE ♪
♪ THIS SONG COULD BE YOU,
COULD BE ♪
[INDISTINCT TALKING]
COULD BE ♪
[INDISTINCT TALKING]
♪ OOH OOH OOH ♪
♪ THIS RIFF ♪
♪ AIN'T TRYING TO WIN GOLD
MEDALS ♪
♪ AIN'T TRYING TO WIN GOLD
MEDALS ♪
♪ THIS RIFF ♪
MEDALS ♪
♪ THIS RIFF ♪
♪ AIN'T HIP OR SQUARE,
♪ THIS RIFF ♪
♪ AIN'T HIP OR SQUARE,
WELL-DONE OR RARE ♪
♪ AIN'T HIP OR SQUARE,
WELL-DONE OR RARE ♪
♪ MAY END UP ONE MORE WEIGHT TO
WELL-DONE OR RARE ♪
♪ MAY END UP ONE MORE WEIGHT TO
BEAR ♪
♪ MAY END UP ONE MORE WEIGHT TO
BEAR ♪
♪ BUT THIS SONG COULD WELL BE
BEAR ♪
♪ BUT THIS SONG COULD WELL BE
A REASON TO SEE ♪
♪ BUT THIS SONG COULD WELL BE
A REASON TO SEE ♪
♪ THAT WITHOUT YOU THERE'S NO
A REASON TO SEE ♪
♪ THAT WITHOUT YOU THERE'S NO
POINT TO THIS SONG ♪
♪ THIS SONG COULD WELL BE
A REASON TO SEE ♪
♪ THAT WITHOUT YOU THERE'S NO
A REASON TO SEE ♪
♪ THAT WITHOUT YOU THERE'S NO
POINT TO THIS SONG ♪
[APPLAUSE]
[INTRO TO "BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED
WATER" PLAYS]
♪ WHEN YOU'RE WEARY ♪
[APPLAUSE]
♪ FEELING SMALL ♪
[APPLAUSE]
♪ FEELING SMALL ♪
♪ WHEN TEARS ARE IN YOUR EYES ♪
♪ FEELING SMALL ♪
♪ WHEN TEARS ARE IN YOUR EYES ♪
♪ I WILL DRY THEM ALL ♪
♪ WHEN TEARS ARE IN YOUR EYES ♪
♪ I WILL DRY THEM ALL ♪
♪ I'M ON YOUR SIDE ♪
♪ I WILL DRY THEM ALL ♪
♪ I'M ON YOUR SIDE ♪
♪ OH, WHEN TIMES GET ROUGH ♪
♪ I'M ON YOUR SIDE ♪
♪ OH, WHEN TIMES GET ROUGH ♪
♪ AND FRIENDS JUST CAN'T BE
♪ OH, WHEN TIMES GET ROUGH ♪
♪ AND FRIENDS JUST CAN'T BE
FOUND ♪
♪ AND FRIENDS JUST CAN'T BE
FOUND ♪
♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED
FOUND ♪
♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED
WATER ♪
♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED
WATER ♪
♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪
WATER ♪
♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪
♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED
♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪
♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED
WATER ♪
♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED
WATER ♪
♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE DOWN AND YOU'RE
OUT ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE ON THE STREETS,
OUT ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE ON THE STREETS,
YEAH ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE ON THE STREETS,
YEAH ♪
♪ WHEN EVENING FALLS SO HARD ♪
YEAH ♪
♪ WHEN EVENING FALLS SO HARD ♪
♪ I WILL COMFORT YOU ♪
♪ WHEN EVENING FALLS SO HARD ♪
♪ I WILL COMFORT YOU ♪
♪ I'LL TAKE YOUR PART ♪
♪ I WILL COMFORT YOU ♪
♪ I'LL TAKE YOUR PART ♪
♪ OH, WHEN DARKNESS COMES ♪
♪ I'LL TAKE YOUR PART ♪
♪ OH, WHEN DARKNESS COMES ♪
♪ AND PAIN IS ALL AROUND ♪
♪ OH, WHEN DARKNESS COMES ♪
♪ AND PAIN IS ALL AROUND ♪
♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED
♪ AND PAIN IS ALL AROUND ♪
♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED
WATER ♪
♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED
WATER ♪
♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪
WATER ♪
♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪
♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED
♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪
♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED
WATER ♪
♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED
WATER ♪
♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪
WATER ♪
♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪
♪ MMM-MMM-MMM-MMM ♪
♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪
♪ MMM-MMM-MMM-MMM ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ MMM-MMM-MMM-MMM ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
GOOD NIGHT TO EVERYONE.
A HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
AND MY SPECIAL APOLOGIES TO
MICHAEL O'DONOGHUE.
HE KNOWS WHY.
[APPLAUSE]
GOOD NIGHT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[BAND PLAYS]
Announcer: NEXT SATURDAY
NIGHT, OUR HOST WILL BE
JODIE FOSTER, WITH A SPECIAL
APPEARANCE BY BRIAN WILSON OF
THE BEACH BOYS.
YOU KNOW, I'M AN OLD BEACH BOY
MYSELF.
WHEN THE SURF WAS UP, SO WAS I.
BUT THAT'S ANOTHER STORY, AND SO
AM I.
THIS IS DON PARDO, HANGING TEN
AND SAYING, "GOOD NIGHT!"
WHEEEEEE!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
[CONTINUES]