Saturday Night Live (1975–…): Season 2, Episode 6 - Buck Henry/The Band - full transcript
The host for the episode is Buck Henry (his third appearance), and the musical guest is The Band. The skits for this episode are as follows: The land shark makes its return, pretending to be a late trick-or-treater. In his opening...
[DOORBELL RINGS]
WHO IS IT?
UH, TRICK OR TREAT?
WHO IS IT?
UH, TRICK OR TREAT?
["THEME FROM 'JAWS'" PLAYS]
UH, TRICK OR TREAT?
["THEME FROM 'JAWS'" PLAYS]
LOOK, IT'S 2:00 IN THE
["THEME FROM 'JAWS'" PLAYS]
LOOK, IT'S 2:00 IN THE
MORNING.
LOOK, IT'S 2:00 IN THE
MORNING.
HALLOWEEN'S OVER.
MORNING.
HALLOWEEN'S OVER.
NOW, SHOULDN'T YOU BE IN BED BY
HALLOWEEN'S OVER.
NOW, SHOULDN'T YOU BE IN BED BY
NOW?
NOW, SHOULDN'T YOU BE IN BED BY
NOW?
MRS. BA... BAR...
NOW?
MRS. BA... BAR...
MRS. BAR... BAY... BARSON?
MRS. BA... BAR...
MRS. BAR... BAY... BARSON?
BARGUM... BARSON?
MRS. BAR... BAY... BARSON?
BARGUM... BARSON?
THERE IS NO
BARGUM... BARSON?
THERE IS NO
MRS. BARGENBARSON HERE.
THERE IS NO
MRS. BARGENBARSON HERE.
CANDYGRAM.
MRS. BARGENBARSON HERE.
CANDYGRAM.
LOOK, I'M ALL OUT OF CANDY.
CANDYGRAM.
LOOK, I'M ALL OUT OF CANDY.
I GAVE IT ALL AWAY.
LOOK, I'M ALL OUT OF CANDY.
I GAVE IT ALL AWAY.
NOW GO HOME.
I GAVE IT ALL AWAY.
NOW GO HOME.
UNI-UNICEF, MA'AM.
NOW GO HOME.
UNI-UNICEF, MA'AM.
UNICEF?
UNI-UNICEF, MA'AM.
UNICEF?
UNICEF.
UNICEF?
UNICEF.
THAT'S DIFFERENT.
[SCREAMS]
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
[BAND PLAYS]
Announcer: NBC's
"SATURDAY NIGHT"...
STARRING...
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
WITH HIS SPECIAL GUEST...
AND...
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
BUCK HENRY!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH.
I'D LIKE TO SAY THAT IT'S NICE
TO BE WITH THIS INCREDIBLE CREW
I'D LIKE TO SAY THAT IT'S NICE
TO BE WITH THIS INCREDIBLE CREW
OF ACTORS AND PERFORMERS.
TO BE WITH THIS INCREDIBLE CREW
OF ACTORS AND PERFORMERS.
YOU KNOW, YOU READ A LOT OF
OF ACTORS AND PERFORMERS.
YOU KNOW, YOU READ A LOT OF
STUFF ABOUT THE
YOU KNOW, YOU READ A LOT OF
STUFF ABOUT THE
NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME PLAYERS
STUFF ABOUT THE
NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME PLAYERS
IN THE NEWSPAPERS, AND WHAT
NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME PLAYERS
IN THE NEWSPAPERS, AND WHAT
YOU'VE READ IS JUNK.
IN THE NEWSPAPERS, AND WHAT
YOU'VE READ IS JUNK.
NONE OF IT IS TRUE.
YOU'VE READ IS JUNK.
NONE OF IT IS TRUE.
THEY'RE AVERAGE, TERRIFIC,
NONE OF IT IS TRUE.
THEY'RE AVERAGE, TERRIFIC,
TALENTED KIDS.
THEY'RE AVERAGE, TERRIFIC,
TALENTED KIDS.
TAKE JANE CURTIN FOR INSTANCE...
TALENTED KIDS.
TAKE JANE CURTIN FOR INSTANCE...
THAT COOL, INTERESTING-LOOKING
TAKE JANE CURTIN FOR INSTANCE...
THAT COOL, INTERESTING-LOOKING
BEAUTY.
THAT COOL, INTERESTING-LOOKING
BEAUTY.
SHE'S GOT A PERFECTLY NORMAL
BEAUTY.
SHE'S GOT A PERFECTLY NORMAL
LIFE.
SHE'S GOT A PERFECTLY NORMAL
LIFE.
SHE LIVES WITH HER HUSBAND, AND
LIFE.
SHE LIVES WITH HER HUSBAND, AND
THEY DO WHAT EVERY COUPLE DOES,
SHE LIVES WITH HER HUSBAND, AND
THEY DO WHAT EVERY COUPLE DOES,
AND EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT, WHEN
THEY DO WHAT EVERY COUPLE DOES,
AND EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT, WHEN
IT'S SHOWTIME, ALL THOSE BRUISES
AND EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT, WHEN
IT'S SHOWTIME, ALL THOSE BRUISES
HAVE DISAPPEARED.
IT'S SHOWTIME, ALL THOSE BRUISES
HAVE DISAPPEARED.
THERE ISN'T A SCAR.
HAVE DISAPPEARED.
THERE ISN'T A SCAR.
THERE ISN'T A WELT.
THERE ISN'T A SCAR.
THERE ISN'T A WELT.
THERE ISN'T A MARK... NOTHING.
THERE ISN'T A WELT.
THERE ISN'T A MARK... NOTHING.
BELUSHI... A GREAT CHARACTER
THERE ISN'T A MARK... NOTHING.
BELUSHI... A GREAT CHARACTER
ACTOR.
BELUSHI... A GREAT CHARACTER
ACTOR.
YOU'VE SEEN HIM PLAY PART AFTER
ACTOR.
YOU'VE SEEN HIM PLAY PART AFTER
PART, AND HE'S REALLY
YOU'VE SEEN HIM PLAY PART AFTER
PART, AND HE'S REALLY
SENSATIONAL.
PART, AND HE'S REALLY
SENSATIONAL.
THERE IS NO WAY TO TELL HOW
SENSATIONAL.
THERE IS NO WAY TO TELL HOW
HEAVILY IN DEBT TO THE MAFIA HE
THERE IS NO WAY TO TELL HOW
HEAVILY IN DEBT TO THE MAFIA HE
IS.
HEAVILY IN DEBT TO THE MAFIA HE
IS.
I MEAN, THAT'S GOT NOTHING TO DO
IS.
I MEAN, THAT'S GOT NOTHING TO DO
WITH HIS TALENT.
I MEAN, THAT'S GOT NOTHING TO DO
WITH HIS TALENT.
LARAINE... SHE'S 23 YEARS OLD,
WITH HIS TALENT.
LARAINE... SHE'S 23 YEARS OLD,
AND THAT'S A TALENTED KID.
LARAINE... SHE'S 23 YEARS OLD,
AND THAT'S A TALENTED KID.
WHERE DOES SHE GET IT?
AND THAT'S A TALENTED KID.
WHERE DOES SHE GET IT?
THEY SAY THAT COMEDY OFTEN COMES
WHERE DOES SHE GET IT?
THEY SAY THAT COMEDY OFTEN COMES
FROM PAIN, AND SURE, PROBABLY A
THEY SAY THAT COMEDY OFTEN COMES
FROM PAIN, AND SURE, PROBABLY A
LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE HURT HER.
FROM PAIN, AND SURE, PROBABLY A
LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE HURT HER.
A LOT OF MEN HAVE HURT HER.
LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE HURT HER.
A LOT OF MEN HAVE HURT HER.
HUNDREDS OF MEN HAVE HURT HER,
A LOT OF MEN HAVE HURT HER.
HUNDREDS OF MEN HAVE HURT HER,
LET ME BE HONEST WITH YOU.
HUNDREDS OF MEN HAVE HURT HER,
LET ME BE HONEST WITH YOU.
HUNDREDS, MAYBE THOUSANDS, BUT
LET ME BE HONEST WITH YOU.
HUNDREDS, MAYBE THOUSANDS, BUT
THAT'S GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH
HUNDREDS, MAYBE THOUSANDS, BUT
THAT'S GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH
WHAT SHE GIVES US OUT HERE EVERY
THAT'S GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH
WHAT SHE GIVES US OUT HERE EVERY
SATURDAY, AND DANNY AYKROYD?
WHAT SHE GIVES US OUT HERE EVERY
SATURDAY, AND DANNY AYKROYD?
YOU THINK HE'S WEIRD?
SATURDAY, AND DANNY AYKROYD?
YOU THINK HE'S WEIRD?
'CAUSE HE SLEEPS WITH A BICYCLE
YOU THINK HE'S WEIRD?
'CAUSE HE SLEEPS WITH A BICYCLE
CHAIN IN HIS MOUTH?
'CAUSE HE SLEEPS WITH A BICYCLE
CHAIN IN HIS MOUTH?
THAT'S NOT WEIRD.
CHAIN IN HIS MOUTH?
THAT'S NOT WEIRD.
HE HAS LOVE.
THAT'S NOT WEIRD.
HE HAS LOVE.
HE'S FILLED WITH LOVE.
HE HAS LOVE.
HE'S FILLED WITH LOVE.
NOT PEOPLE.
HE'S FILLED WITH LOVE.
NOT PEOPLE.
ANIMALS, MOSTLY.
NOT PEOPLE.
ANIMALS, MOSTLY.
THERE'S A GOAT IN HIS DRESSING
ANIMALS, MOSTLY.
THERE'S A GOAT IN HIS DRESSING
ROOM.
THERE'S A GOAT IN HIS DRESSING
ROOM.
HE DIDN'T WANT ME TO TELL YOU
ROOM.
HE DIDN'T WANT ME TO TELL YOU
ABOUT THAT.
HE DIDN'T WANT ME TO TELL YOU
ABOUT THAT.
LISTEN, LET'S TALK ABOUT GILDA
ABOUT THAT.
LISTEN, LET'S TALK ABOUT GILDA
FOR A MOMENT.
LISTEN, LET'S TALK ABOUT GILDA
FOR A MOMENT.
SHE IS, PERHAPS, THE SWEETEST
FOR A MOMENT.
SHE IS, PERHAPS, THE SWEETEST
MEMBER OF THE GROUP.
SHE IS, PERHAPS, THE SWEETEST
MEMBER OF THE GROUP.
SHE'S GOT THE BIGGEST HEART.
MEMBER OF THE GROUP.
SHE'S GOT THE BIGGEST HEART.
SHE'S VERY CLOSE TO HER FAMILY,
SHE'S GOT THE BIGGEST HEART.
SHE'S VERY CLOSE TO HER FAMILY,
VERY CLOSE TO HER BROTHER.
SHE'S VERY CLOSE TO HER FAMILY,
VERY CLOSE TO HER BROTHER.
SHE LIVES WITH HER BROTHER.
VERY CLOSE TO HER BROTHER.
SHE LIVES WITH HER BROTHER.
SHE'S EXTREMELY CLOSE TO HER
SHE LIVES WITH HER BROTHER.
SHE'S EXTREMELY CLOSE TO HER
BROTHER.
SHE'S EXTREMELY CLOSE TO HER
BROTHER.
HER DOCTOR IS... WORRIED.
BROTHER.
HER DOCTOR IS... WORRIED.
NOT ALARMED... HE JUST THINKS A
HER DOCTOR IS... WORRIED.
NOT ALARMED... HE JUST THINKS A
CHILD AT THIS TIME WOULD BE
NOT ALARMED... HE JUST THINKS A
CHILD AT THIS TIME WOULD BE
UNWISE, BUT THESE THINGS DON'T
CHILD AT THIS TIME WOULD BE
UNWISE, BUT THESE THINGS DON'T
MATTER.
UNWISE, BUT THESE THINGS DON'T
MATTER.
LET'S TAKE GARRETT MORRIS.
MATTER.
LET'S TAKE GARRETT MORRIS.
TALK ABOUT TALENT!
LET'S TAKE GARRETT MORRIS.
TALK ABOUT TALENT!
HE CAN ACT.
TALK ABOUT TALENT!
HE CAN ACT.
HE CAN SING.
HE CAN ACT.
HE CAN SING.
HE CAN DANCE.
HE CAN SING.
HE CAN DANCE.
I'VE SEEN HIS WRITING.
HE CAN DANCE.
I'VE SEEN HIS WRITING.
IT'S SENSATIONAL.
I'VE SEEN HIS WRITING.
IT'S SENSATIONAL.
HE'S GOT ANOTHER TALENT YOU
IT'S SENSATIONAL.
HE'S GOT ANOTHER TALENT YOU
PROBABLY DON'T...
HE'S GOT ANOTHER TALENT YOU
PROBABLY DON'T...
HE'D BE EMBARRASSED IF I, UH,
PROBABLY DON'T...
HE'D BE EMBARRASSED IF I, UH,
TOLD YOU.
HE'D BE EMBARRASSED IF I, UH,
TOLD YOU.
OH, WELL.
TOLD YOU.
OH, WELL.
CANNIBALISM.
OH, WELL.
CANNIBALISM.
I MEAN, UH... I'M SORRY.
CANNIBALISM.
I MEAN, UH... I'M SORRY.
DID I SAY "CANNIBALISM"?
I MEAN, UH... I'M SORRY.
DID I SAY "CANNIBALISM"?
I MEANT SKIING.
DID I SAY "CANNIBALISM"?
I MEANT SKIING.
I MUST HAVE BEEN THINKING OF
I MEANT SKIING.
I MUST HAVE BEEN THINKING OF
THE ALPS AND THE ANDES AND
I MUST HAVE BEEN THINKING OF
THE ALPS AND THE ANDES AND
THAT PLANE... WELL, WHAT DOES IT
THE ALPS AND THE ANDES AND
THAT PLANE... WELL, WHAT DOES IT
MATTER?
THAT PLANE... WELL, WHAT DOES IT
MATTER?
HE SKIS, AND HE'S A WONDERFUL
MATTER?
HE SKIS, AND HE'S A WONDERFUL
COOK, AND HE GOES UP TO THAT
HE SKIS, AND HE'S A WONDERFUL
COOK, AND HE GOES UP TO THAT
LODGE IN THE ANDES, AND HE
COOK, AND HE GOES UP TO THAT
LODGE IN THE ANDES, AND HE
COOKS, AND, UH...
LODGE IN THE ANDES, AND HE
COOKS, AND, UH...
LEG OF WHITE MAN, STUFF LIKE
COOKS, AND, UH...
LEG OF WHITE MAN, STUFF LIKE
THAT.
LEG OF WHITE MAN, STUFF LIKE
THAT.
HE'S AN INCREDIBLE GUY.
THAT.
HE'S AN INCREDIBLE GUY.
NOW LET'S TALK ABOUT CHEVY.
HE'S AN INCREDIBLE GUY.
NOW LET'S TALK ABOUT CHEVY.
IT'S HIS LAST SHOW, AND YOU
NOW LET'S TALK ABOUT CHEVY.
IT'S HIS LAST SHOW, AND YOU
PROBABLY THINK FROM READING IN
IT'S HIS LAST SHOW, AND YOU
PROBABLY THINK FROM READING IN
THE PAPERS THAT HE'S GOING TO
PROBABLY THINK FROM READING IN
THE PAPERS THAT HE'S GOING TO
HOLLYWOOD AND HE'S GOING TO
THE PAPERS THAT HE'S GOING TO
HOLLYWOOD AND HE'S GOING TO
FAME, FORTUNE, AND ALL THAT
HOLLYWOOD AND HE'S GOING TO
FAME, FORTUNE, AND ALL THAT
GARBAGE.
FAME, FORTUNE, AND ALL THAT
GARBAGE.
HE IS NOT INTERESTED.
GARBAGE.
HE IS NOT INTERESTED.
HE DOESN'T GIVE A HOOT ABOUT HIS
HE IS NOT INTERESTED.
HE DOESN'T GIVE A HOOT ABOUT HIS
CAREER.
HE DOESN'T GIVE A HOOT ABOUT HIS
CAREER.
HE IS LEAVING THIS SHOW MONDAY
CAREER.
HE IS LEAVING THIS SHOW MONDAY
SIMPLY TO BE WITH LLOYD.
HE IS LEAVING THIS SHOW MONDAY
SIMPLY TO BE WITH LLOYD.
THEY'RE OPENING A DRESS SHOP
SIMPLY TO BE WITH LLOYD.
THEY'RE OPENING A DRESS SHOP
TOGETHER, AND WITH WHAT LLOYD
THEY'RE OPENING A DRESS SHOP
TOGETHER, AND WITH WHAT LLOYD
KNOWS ABOUT BUSINESS AND
TOGETHER, AND WITH WHAT LLOYD
KNOWS ABOUT BUSINESS AND
CHEVY'S INTEREST IN AND
KNOWS ABOUT BUSINESS AND
CHEVY'S INTEREST IN AND
KNOWLEDGE ABOUT WOMEN'S CLOTHES,
CHEVY'S INTEREST IN AND
KNOWLEDGE ABOUT WOMEN'S CLOTHES,
WE KNOW IT'S GONNA BE
KNOWLEDGE ABOUT WOMEN'S CLOTHES,
WE KNOW IT'S GONNA BE
SUCCESSFUL, AND WE WISH HIM THE
WE KNOW IT'S GONNA BE
SUCCESSFUL, AND WE WISH HIM THE
VERY BEST, AND WE'LL BE RIGHT
SUCCESSFUL, AND WE WISH HIM THE
VERY BEST, AND WE'LL BE RIGHT
BACK.
VERY BEST, AND WE'LL BE RIGHT
BACK.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Announcer: AND NOW ANOTHER
EPISODE OF...
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
[PHONE BUZZES]
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
[PHONE BUZZES]
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
Mr. Dantley's here to see
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
Mr. Dantley's here to see
you.
Mr. Dantley's here to see
you.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
you.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
MR. MIKARAKI?
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
MR. MIKARAKI?
HUH?
MR. MIKARAKI?
HUH?
MIKARAKI... MR. MIKARAKI?
HUH?
MIKARAKI... MR. MIKARAKI?
LISTEN, I, UH... I'M GONNA GET
MIKARAKI... MR. MIKARAKI?
LISTEN, I, UH... I'M GONNA GET
RIGHT TO THE POINT.
LISTEN, I, UH... I'M GONNA GET
RIGHT TO THE POINT.
I AM VERY, VERY UNHAPPY.
RIGHT TO THE POINT.
I AM VERY, VERY UNHAPPY.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
I AM VERY, VERY UNHAPPY.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
NO, THANKS, I'M TRYING TO
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
NO, THANKS, I'M TRYING TO
STOP SMOKING.
NO, THANKS, I'M TRYING TO
STOP SMOKING.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
STOP SMOKING.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
NOW... NOW, LISTEN TO ME.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
NOW... NOW, LISTEN TO ME.
THE MARGIN CALL THIS MORNING ON
NOW... NOW, LISTEN TO ME.
THE MARGIN CALL THIS MORNING ON
MY STOCKS WAS HIGHER THAN EVER.
THE MARGIN CALL THIS MORNING ON
MY STOCKS WAS HIGHER THAN EVER.
I'M STARTING TO PANIC.
MY STOCKS WAS HIGHER THAN EVER.
I'M STARTING TO PANIC.
DO YOU REALIZE THAT ONE YEAR AGO
I'M STARTING TO PANIC.
DO YOU REALIZE THAT ONE YEAR AGO
I WAS ON TOP OF THE WORLD?
DO YOU REALIZE THAT ONE YEAR AGO
I WAS ON TOP OF THE WORLD?
I WAS SUPPORTING MY WIFE AND MY
I WAS ON TOP OF THE WORLD?
I WAS SUPPORTING MY WIFE AND MY
THREE CHILDREN.
I WAS SUPPORTING MY WIFE AND MY
THREE CHILDREN.
I ALSO HAD THAT APARTMENT IN
THREE CHILDREN.
I ALSO HAD THAT APARTMENT IN
TOWN WITH A LITTLE FRIEND OF
I ALSO HAD THAT APARTMENT IN
TOWN WITH A LITTLE FRIEND OF
MINE.
TOWN WITH A LITTLE FRIEND OF
MINE.
YOU KNOW WHAT I... YEAH.
MINE.
YOU KNOW WHAT I... YEAH.
BUT TODAY, IT'S A DIFFERENT
YOU KNOW WHAT I... YEAH.
BUT TODAY, IT'S A DIFFERENT
STORY ALTOGETHER.
BUT TODAY, IT'S A DIFFERENT
STORY ALTOGETHER.
I BELIEVED IN YOU.
STORY ALTOGETHER.
I BELIEVED IN YOU.
I TOOK ALL MY SHARES OF IBM,
I BELIEVED IN YOU.
I TOOK ALL MY SHARES OF IBM,
AT&T, AND GENERAL MOTORS, I SOLD
I TOOK ALL MY SHARES OF IBM,
AT&T, AND GENERAL MOTORS, I SOLD
THEM EXACTLY AS YOU TOLD ME TO,
AT&T, AND GENERAL MOTORS, I SOLD
THEM EXACTLY AS YOU TOLD ME TO,
AND I INVESTED THEM IN THAT
THEM EXACTLY AS YOU TOLD ME TO,
AND I INVESTED THEM IN THAT
CHAIN OF GAY SUSHI BARS.
AND I INVESTED THEM IN THAT
CHAIN OF GAY SUSHI BARS.
BUT IT DIDN'T WORK.
CHAIN OF GAY SUSHI BARS.
BUT IT DIDN'T WORK.
IT AMOUNTED TO NOTHING.
BUT IT DIDN'T WORK.
IT AMOUNTED TO NOTHING.
THE STOCK'S GONE DOWN 11 POINTS.
IT AMOUNTED TO NOTHING.
THE STOCK'S GONE DOWN 11 POINTS.
LOOK AT IT.
THE STOCK'S GONE DOWN 11 POINTS.
LOOK AT IT.
YOU SAID THAT THIS STOCK WOULD
LOOK AT IT.
YOU SAID THAT THIS STOCK WOULD
SPLIT, 3 FOR 1.
YOU SAID THAT THIS STOCK WOULD
SPLIT, 3 FOR 1.
[SHOUTING IN NATIVE
SPLIT, 3 FOR 1.
[SHOUTING IN NATIVE
LANGUAGE]
[SHOUTING IN NATIVE
LANGUAGE]
WELL, I SUPPOSE THAT'S...
[LANGUAGE]
WELL, I SUPPOSE THAT'S...
THAT'S A LITTLE BIT BETTER, BUT
WELL, I SUPPOSE THAT'S...
THAT'S A LITTLE BIT BETTER, BUT
THAT'S NOT EXACTLY WHAT I'M
THAT'S A LITTLE BIT BETTER, BUT
THAT'S NOT EXACTLY WHAT I'M
TALKING ABOUT.
THAT'S NOT EXACTLY WHAT I'M
TALKING ABOUT.
ALL I KNOW IS THAT THE THIRD
TALKING ABOUT.
ALL I KNOW IS THAT THE THIRD
QUARTER NET OF KENTUCKY MINES
ALL I KNOW IS THAT THE THIRD
QUARTER NET OF KENTUCKY MINES
WAS UP 6.2%.
QUARTER NET OF KENTUCKY MINES
WAS UP 6.2%.
LOOK AT THIS GRAPH.
WAS UP 6.2%.
LOOK AT THIS GRAPH.
LOOK, IT WENT RIGHT UP HERE, AND
LOOK AT THIS GRAPH.
LOOK, IT WENT RIGHT UP HERE, AND
WHAT HAPPENED?
LOOK, IT WENT RIGHT UP HERE, AND
WHAT HAPPENED?
SEPTEMBER, OCTOBER, NOVEMBER...
WHAT HAPPENED?
SEPTEMBER, OCTOBER, NOVEMBER...
INTO THE WELL-KNOWN TOILET!
SEPTEMBER, OCTOBER, NOVEMBER...
INTO THE WELL-KNOWN TOILET!
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
I SEE WHAT YOU MEAN, BUT...
BUT I NEED SECURITY!
THAT'S THE POINT.
BUT I NEED SECURITY!
THAT'S THE POINT.
LOOK, CONSIDERING MY ASSETS,
THAT'S THE POINT.
LOOK, CONSIDERING MY ASSETS,
WHATEVER THEY MAY BE AT THIS
LOOK, CONSIDERING MY ASSETS,
WHATEVER THEY MAY BE AT THIS
POINT, WOULD YOU THINK...
WHATEVER THEY MAY BE AT THIS
POINT, WOULD YOU THINK...
WOULD YOU THINK THAT
POINT, WOULD YOU THINK...
WOULD YOU THINK THAT
FOLDGER MUTUAL WOULD BE A GOOD
WOULD YOU THINK THAT
FOLDGER MUTUAL WOULD BE A GOOD
INVESTMENT?
FOLDGER MUTUAL WOULD BE A GOOD
INVESTMENT?
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
INVESTMENT?
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
WHAT?
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
WHAT?
WHY DON'T YOU FIGURE IT OUT FOR
WHAT?
WHY DON'T YOU FIGURE IT OUT FOR
ME ON THE MACHINE?
WHY DON'T YOU FIGURE IT OUT FOR
ME ON THE MACHINE?
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
ME ON THE MACHINE?
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
OKAY, NOW, CONSOLIDATED SALES
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
OKAY, NOW, CONSOLIDATED SALES
AND REVENUES ROSE 16% TO
OKAY, NOW, CONSOLIDATED SALES
AND REVENUES ROSE 16% TO
2.307 BILLION.
AND REVENUES ROSE 16% TO
2.307 BILLION.
THAT'S THE NET INCOME.
2.307 BILLION.
THAT'S THE NET INCOME.
AT $454 MILLION, THERE WAS A
THAT'S THE NET INCOME.
AT $454 MILLION, THERE WAS A
GAIN OF 91% FROM LAST YEAR.
AT $454 MILLION, THERE WAS A
GAIN OF 91% FROM LAST YEAR.
91%.
GAIN OF 91% FROM LAST YEAR.
91%.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
91%.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
91%!
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
91%!
[SHOUTING IN NATIVE
91%!
[SHOUTING IN NATIVE
LANGUAGE]
[SHOUTING IN NATIVE
LANGUAGE]
ALL RIGHT, MY QUESTION IS
[LANGUAGE]
ALL RIGHT, MY QUESTION IS
CONSIDERING THE EXCHANGE ON MY
ALL RIGHT, MY QUESTION IS
CONSIDERING THE EXCHANGE ON MY
STOCKS AND OPTIONS AT $3.95 A
CONSIDERING THE EXCHANGE ON MY
STOCKS AND OPTIONS AT $3.95 A
SHARE, HOW MANY SHARES CAN I NOW
STOCKS AND OPTIONS AT $3.95 A
SHARE, HOW MANY SHARES CAN I NOW
AFFORD TO BUY?
SHARE, HOW MANY SHARES CAN I NOW
AFFORD TO BUY?
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
FOUR?
FOUR?!
I'M WIPED OUT!
FOUR?!
I'M WIPED OUT!
I'M BANKRUPT!
I'M WIPED OUT!
I'M BANKRUPT!
IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE TELLING ME?
I'M BANKRUPT!
IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE TELLING ME?
BECAUSE OF YOUR ADVICE.
IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE TELLING ME?
BECAUSE OF YOUR ADVICE.
BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU TOLD ME TO
BECAUSE OF YOUR ADVICE.
BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU TOLD ME TO
DO, I AM TOTALLY BANKRUPT.
BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU TOLD ME TO
DO, I AM TOTALLY BANKRUPT.
IT IS ALL YOUR FAULT.
DO, I AM TOTALLY BANKRUPT.
IT IS ALL YOUR FAULT.
I'M SHOCKED.
IT IS ALL YOUR FAULT.
I'M SHOCKED.
I EXPECTED GOOD ADVICE FROM YOU.
I'M SHOCKED.
I EXPECTED GOOD ADVICE FROM YOU.
AND WHAT DO I GET?
I EXPECTED GOOD ADVICE FROM YOU.
AND WHAT DO I GET?
MY OWN BROKER... HE TOLD ME THE
AND WHAT DO I GET?
MY OWN BROKER... HE TOLD ME THE
WORST THINGS TO DO, AND I PAY
MY OWN BROKER... HE TOLD ME THE
WORST THINGS TO DO, AND I PAY
ATTENTION TO HIM, AND I...
WORST THINGS TO DO, AND I PAY
ATTENTION TO HIM, AND I...
[GRUNTS]
ATTENTION TO HIM, AND I...
[GRUNTS]
WAIT A SECOND, WAIT A SECOND.
[GRUNTS]
WAIT A SECOND, WAIT A SECOND.
IT'S NOT ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT.
WAIT A SECOND, WAIT A SECOND.
IT'S NOT ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT.
I TAKE IT BACK.
IT'S NOT ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT.
I TAKE IT BACK.
I'M SORRY.
I TAKE IT BACK.
I'M SORRY.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
I'M SORRY.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
I'M SORRY.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
I'M SORRY.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
I'M SORRY.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
I KNOW, BUT YOU CAN PLUG IT
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
I KNOW, BUT YOU CAN PLUG IT
UP.
I KNOW, BUT YOU CAN PLUG IT
UP.
I SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE CAREFUL
UP.
I SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE CAREFUL
WITH MY INVESTMENTS MYSELF.
I SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE CAREFUL
WITH MY INVESTMENTS MYSELF.
I KNOW THAT.
WITH MY INVESTMENTS MYSELF.
I KNOW THAT.
I SHOULD HAVE HAD A SAVINGS
I KNOW THAT.
I SHOULD HAVE HAD A SAVINGS
ACCOUNT.
I SHOULD HAVE HAD A SAVINGS
ACCOUNT.
I'M IN DEBT UP TO HERE.
ACCOUNT.
I'M IN DEBT UP TO HERE.
I OWE EVERYONE MONEY.
I'M IN DEBT UP TO HERE.
I OWE EVERYONE MONEY.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
I OWE EVERYONE MONEY.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
I KNOW THAT THE STRESS YOU GO
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
I KNOW THAT THE STRESS YOU GO
THROUGH WITH WALL STREET IS A
I KNOW THAT THE STRESS YOU GO
THROUGH WITH WALL STREET IS A
BIG AGGRAVATION.
THROUGH WITH WALL STREET IS A
BIG AGGRAVATION.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
BIG AGGRAVATION.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
AN ULCER?
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
AN ULCER?
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
AN ULCER?
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
OH, WELL.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
OH, WELL.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
OH, WELL.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
I KNOW, BUT I'LL TELL YOU
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
I KNOW, BUT I'LL TELL YOU
SOMETHING... IF THIS OFFICE HAD
I KNOW, BUT I'LL TELL YOU
SOMETHING... IF THIS OFFICE HAD
A WINDOW, I'D JUMP OUT OF IT.
SOMETHING... IF THIS OFFICE HAD
A WINDOW, I'D JUMP OUT OF IT.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
A WINDOW, I'D JUMP OUT OF IT.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
YEAH.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
YEAH.
OH, YEAH.
YEAH.
OH, YEAH.
[SCREAMING]
Announcer: TUNE IN NEXT WEEK
FOR ANOTHER EPISODE OF...
GOOD EVENING.
I'M BARBARA WAWA, AND WELCOME TO
"NOT FOR FIRST WADIES ONWY."
I'M BARBARA WAWA, AND WELCOME TO
"NOT FOR FIRST WADIES ONWY."
YOU KNOW, MANY PEOPLE DON'T
"NOT FOR FIRST WADIES ONWY."
YOU KNOW, MANY PEOPLE DON'T
WEALIZE THAT WHEN THEY EWECT A
YOU KNOW, MANY PEOPLE DON'T
WEALIZE THAT WHEN THEY EWECT A
PWESIDENT, THEY EWECT A FIRST
WEALIZE THAT WHEN THEY EWECT A
PWESIDENT, THEY EWECT A FIRST
WADY, TOO.
PWESIDENT, THEY EWECT A FIRST
WADY, TOO.
SO TONIGHT, SO I WANT TO
WADY, TOO.
SO TONIGHT, SO I WANT TO
ACQUAINT THE AMERICAN PEOPLE
SO TONIGHT, SO I WANT TO
ACQUAINT THE AMERICAN PEOPLE
WITH THE CANDIDATES FOR THAT
ACQUAINT THE AMERICAN PEOPLE
WITH THE CANDIDATES FOR THAT
POSITION.
WITH THE CANDIDATES FOR THAT
POSITION.
MRS. BETTY FORD AND
POSITION.
MRS. BETTY FORD AND
MRS. WOSALYNN CARTER.
MRS. BETTY FORD AND
MRS. WOSALYNN CARTER.
HELLO, WADIES.
MRS. WOSALYNN CARTER.
HELLO, WADIES.
HOW DO YOU DO?
HELLO, WADIES.
HOW DO YOU DO?
HELLO, BARBARA.
HOW DO YOU DO?
HELLO, BARBARA.
NOW, WE'RE GOING TO DO THIS
HELLO, BARBARA.
NOW, WE'RE GOING TO DO THIS
IN AN EXTWEMELY UNPWESSURED
NOW, WE'RE GOING TO DO THIS
IN AN EXTWEMELY UNPWESSURED
MANNER.
IN AN EXTWEMELY UNPWESSURED
MANNER.
THIS WILL BE A FWEE-FORM FOWUM,
MANNER.
THIS WILL BE A FWEE-FORM FOWUM,
FWANK AND FWENDLY, WHERE WE
THIS WILL BE A FWEE-FORM FOWUM,
FWANK AND FWENDLY, WHERE WE
WEALLY WELATE.
FWANK AND FWENDLY, WHERE WE
WEALLY WELATE.
ALL WIGHT.
WEALLY WELATE.
ALL WIGHT.
THE FIRST THING I'D LIKE TO
ALL WIGHT.
THE FIRST THING I'D LIKE TO
KNOW, MRS. FORD... WHAT HAS MADE
THE FIRST THING I'D LIKE TO
KNOW, MRS. FORD... WHAT HAS MADE
YOU A GWEAT FIRST WADY?
KNOW, MRS. FORD... WHAT HAS MADE
YOU A GWEAT FIRST WADY?
WELL, I THINK IT'S BECAUSE
YOU A GWEAT FIRST WADY?
WELL, I THINK IT'S BECAUSE
I'M THE KIND OF PERSON THAT YOU
WELL, I THINK IT'S BECAUSE
I'M THE KIND OF PERSON THAT YOU
CAN'T PICTURE GOING TO THE
I'M THE KIND OF PERSON THAT YOU
CAN'T PICTURE GOING TO THE
BATHROOM.
CAN'T PICTURE GOING TO THE
BATHROOM.
WELL, THAT'S CERTAINWY TWUE.
BATHROOM.
WELL, THAT'S CERTAINWY TWUE.
YES, BUT AREN'T THERE MORE
WELL, THAT'S CERTAINWY TWUE.
YES, BUT AREN'T THERE MORE
IMPORTANT TWAITS REQUIRED?
YES, BUT AREN'T THERE MORE
IMPORTANT TWAITS REQUIRED?
WHY, FOR EXAMPLE, SHOULDN'T THE
IMPORTANT TWAITS REQUIRED?
WHY, FOR EXAMPLE, SHOULDN'T THE
FIRST WADY HAVE A SPECIAL
WHY, FOR EXAMPLE, SHOULDN'T THE
FIRST WADY HAVE A SPECIAL
CWOSENESS WITH HER HUSBAND?
FIRST WADY HAVE A SPECIAL
CWOSENESS WITH HER HUSBAND?
LET ME ASK YOU A VERY FWANK
CWOSENESS WITH HER HUSBAND?
LET ME ASK YOU A VERY FWANK
QUESTION... THE KIND I'M SO
LET ME ASK YOU A VERY FWANK
QUESTION... THE KIND I'M SO
FAMOUS FOR.
QUESTION... THE KIND I'M SO
FAMOUS FOR.
DO EITHER OF YOU TWO WADIES
FAMOUS FOR.
DO EITHER OF YOU TWO WADIES
STILL EVER SWEEP WITH YOUR
DO EITHER OF YOU TWO WADIES
STILL EVER SWEEP WITH YOUR
HUSBANDS?
STILL EVER SWEEP WITH YOUR
HUSBANDS?
WELL, AS YOU KNOW, THE PRESS
HUSBANDS?
WELL, AS YOU KNOW, THE PRESS
HAS QUOTED ME AS SAYING, "I
WELL, AS YOU KNOW, THE PRESS
HAS QUOTED ME AS SAYING, "I
SLEEP WITH MY HUSBAND WHENEVER I
HAS QUOTED ME AS SAYING, "I
SLEEP WITH MY HUSBAND WHENEVER I
CAN," AND IT'S TRUE.
SLEEP WITH MY HUSBAND WHENEVER I
CAN," AND IT'S TRUE.
I MEAN, WHEN I'M NOT OUT
CAN," AND IT'S TRUE.
I MEAN, WHEN I'M NOT OUT
CAMPAIGNING OR ATTENDING AFFAIRS
I MEAN, WHEN I'M NOT OUT
CAMPAIGNING OR ATTENDING AFFAIRS
OF STATE, I'M SLEEPING WITH MY
CAMPAIGNING OR ATTENDING AFFAIRS
OF STATE, I'M SLEEPING WITH MY
HUSBAND.
OF STATE, I'M SLEEPING WITH MY
HUSBAND.
BEFORE LUNCH, AFTER DINNER, IN
HUSBAND.
BEFORE LUNCH, AFTER DINNER, IN
ELEVATORS, BEHIND BIG STATUES,
BEFORE LUNCH, AFTER DINNER, IN
ELEVATORS, BEHIND BIG STATUES,
I'M SLEEPING WITH MY HUSBAND
ELEVATORS, BEHIND BIG STATUES,
I'M SLEEPING WITH MY HUSBAND
WHENEVER I CAN.
I'M SLEEPING WITH MY HUSBAND
WHENEVER I CAN.
AND WHENEVER I CAN'T, I STAY
WHENEVER I CAN.
AND WHENEVER I CAN'T, I STAY
AWAKE WITH MY HUSBAND AND DO YOU
AND WHENEVER I CAN'T, I STAY
AWAKE WITH MY HUSBAND AND DO YOU
KNOW WHAT.
AWAKE WITH MY HUSBAND AND DO YOU
KNOW WHAT.
UH, AND WHAT ABOUT YOU,
KNOW WHAT.
UH, AND WHAT ABOUT YOU,
MRS. CARTER?
UH, AND WHAT ABOUT YOU,
MRS. CARTER?
WELL, AS YOU KNOW, MY HUSBAND
MRS. CARTER?
WELL, AS YOU KNOW, MY HUSBAND
AND I LUST AFTER EACH OTHER IN
WELL, AS YOU KNOW, MY HUSBAND
AND I LUST AFTER EACH OTHER IN
OUR MINDS.
AND I LUST AFTER EACH OTHER IN
OUR MINDS.
AND WHEN THE MOOD IS RIGHT, WE
OUR MINDS.
AND WHEN THE MOOD IS RIGHT, WE
DO IT EXACTLY AT THE SAME TIME.
AND WHEN THE MOOD IS RIGHT, WE
DO IT EXACTLY AT THE SAME TIME.
YES, BUT I STILL DON'T SEE
DO IT EXACTLY AT THE SAME TIME.
YES, BUT I STILL DON'T SEE
HOW YOU'RE SUPPORTIVE OF YOUR
YES, BUT I STILL DON'T SEE
HOW YOU'RE SUPPORTIVE OF YOUR
HUSBANDS.
HOW YOU'RE SUPPORTIVE OF YOUR
HUSBANDS.
MRS. FORD?
HUSBANDS.
MRS. FORD?
WELL, I GIVE THOSE STUNNINGLY
MRS. FORD?
WELL, I GIVE THOSE STUNNINGLY
FRANK AND CANDID INTERVIEWS TO
WELL, I GIVE THOSE STUNNINGLY
FRANK AND CANDID INTERVIEWS TO
THE PRESS, WHICH MAKE ME APPEAR
FRANK AND CANDID INTERVIEWS TO
THE PRESS, WHICH MAKE ME APPEAR
INTELLIGENT AND AWARE AND HELP
THE PRESS, WHICH MAKE ME APPEAR
INTELLIGENT AND AWARE AND HELP
DISGUISE THE FACT THAT MY
INTELLIGENT AND AWARE AND HELP
DISGUISE THE FACT THAT MY
HUSBAND IS A DIM BULB.
DISGUISE THE FACT THAT MY
HUSBAND IS A DIM BULB.
UH, MRS CARTER?
HUSBAND IS A DIM BULB.
UH, MRS CARTER?
WELL, MY ONLY RESPONSE TO
UH, MRS CARTER?
WELL, MY ONLY RESPONSE TO
THAT IS THAT HE WON THE
WELL, MY ONLY RESPONSE TO
THAT IS THAT HE WON THE
PRIMARIES, HE GOT THE
THAT IS THAT HE WON THE
PRIMARIES, HE GOT THE
NOMINATION, HE RAN A TERRIFIC
PRIMARIES, HE GOT THE
NOMINATION, HE RAN A TERRIFIC
CAMPAIGN, AND I HELPED.
NOMINATION, HE RAN A TERRIFIC
CAMPAIGN, AND I HELPED.
ALL RIGHT, WADIES, LET'S GET
CAMPAIGN, AND I HELPED.
ALL RIGHT, WADIES, LET'S GET
SEWIOUS.
ALL RIGHT, WADIES, LET'S GET
SEWIOUS.
NEITHER OF YOU TWULY QUALIFIES
SEWIOUS.
NEITHER OF YOU TWULY QUALIFIES
TO BE FIRST WADY.
NEITHER OF YOU TWULY QUALIFIES
TO BE FIRST WADY.
I MEAN, YOU AREN'T ARTICUWATE.
TO BE FIRST WADY.
I MEAN, YOU AREN'T ARTICUWATE.
YOU AREN'T INFORMED.
I MEAN, YOU AREN'T ARTICUWATE.
YOU AREN'T INFORMED.
YOU AREN'T GWAMOROUS.
YOU AREN'T INFORMED.
YOU AREN'T GWAMOROUS.
YOU AREN'T ME.
YOU AREN'T GWAMOROUS.
YOU AREN'T ME.
I MEAN, WEALLY, WHO DOES DESERVE
YOU AREN'T ME.
I MEAN, WEALLY, WHO DOES DESERVE
TO BE FIRST WADY?
I MEAN, WEALLY, WHO DOES DESERVE
TO BE FIRST WADY?
ME... BARBARA WAWA.
TO BE FIRST WADY?
ME... BARBARA WAWA.
FIRST WADY OF TEWEVISION.
ME... BARBARA WAWA.
FIRST WADY OF TEWEVISION.
DON'T YOU AGWEE?
FIRST WADY OF TEWEVISION.
DON'T YOU AGWEE?
HAVE YOU GOT ANY PET NAMES
DON'T YOU AGWEE?
HAVE YOU GOT ANY PET NAMES
FOR YOUR HUSBAND?
HAVE YOU GOT ANY PET NAMES
FOR YOUR HUSBAND?
OH, WELL, JIMMY... WHEN HE
FOR YOUR HUSBAND?
OH, WELL, JIMMY... WHEN HE
DRESSES UP LIKE
OH, WELL, JIMMY... WHEN HE
DRESSES UP LIKE
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT... THEN I CALL
DRESSES UP LIKE
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT... THEN I CALL
HIM "ELLE" OR "ELEANOR" OR
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT... THEN I CALL
HIM "ELLE" OR "ELEANOR" OR
"MRS. ROOSEVELT."
HIM "ELLE" OR "ELEANOR" OR
"MRS. ROOSEVELT."
WHAT DO YOU CALL JERRY?
"MRS. ROOSEVELT."
WHAT DO YOU CALL JERRY?
WELL, OF COURSE, THERE'S
WHAT DO YOU CALL JERRY?
WELL, OF COURSE, THERE'S
DIM BULB.
WELL, OF COURSE, THERE'S
DIM BULB.
MR. DIM BULB.
DIM BULB.
MR. DIM BULB.
WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.
MR. DIM BULB.
WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.
OF COURSE, I HAVE A TERWIFFIC
WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.
OF COURSE, I HAVE A TERWIFFIC
PERSONALITY.
OF COURSE, I HAVE A TERWIFFIC
PERSONALITY.
I'M NOT TOO WIPPLE.
PERSONALITY.
I'M NOT TOO WIPPLE.
I WOVE BWASS, THOUGH.
I'M NOT TOO WIPPLE.
I WOVE BWASS, THOUGH.
I CAN SAY "HARRY WEESNER."
I WOVE BWASS, THOUGH.
I CAN SAY "HARRY WEESNER."
HARRY WEESNER?
I CAN SAY "HARRY WEESNER."
HARRY WEESNER?
HARRY WEE...
HARRY WEESNER?
HARRY WEE...
[LAUGHS]
HARRY WEE...
[LAUGHS]
AND THAT CHICKEN HEAD!
[LAUGHS]
AND THAT CHICKEN HEAD!
I WOULD WIKE TO BE FIRST.
AND THAT CHICKEN HEAD!
I WOULD WIKE TO BE FIRST.
PWETTY PWEASE?
I WOULD WIKE TO BE FIRST.
PWETTY PWEASE?
COULD I BE FIRST WADY?
COULD I BE FIRST WADY?
PWEASE.
PWEASE.
I WOULD WEALLY LIKE TO BE.
I WOULD WEALLY LIKE TO BE.
Announcer: THIS HAS BEEN
Announcer: THIS HAS BEEN
BARBARA WAWA WITH...
HELLO.
I'M GARRETT MORRIS.
I'M A BLACK PERSON.
I'M GARRETT MORRIS.
I'M A BLACK PERSON.
RECENTLY, I BECAME INTERESTED IN
I'M A BLACK PERSON.
RECENTLY, I BECAME INTERESTED IN
MY BACKGROUND.
RECENTLY, I BECAME INTERESTED IN
MY BACKGROUND.
WHO AM I?
MY BACKGROUND.
WHO AM I?
WHERE DID I COME FROM?
WHO AM I?
WHERE DID I COME FROM?
THREE YEARS LOOKING THROUGH
WHERE DID I COME FROM?
THREE YEARS LOOKING THROUGH
DOCUMENTS, MEMORABILIA, AS WELL
THREE YEARS LOOKING THROUGH
DOCUMENTS, MEMORABILIA, AS WELL
AS WORLDWIDE TRAVEL, TRYING TO
DOCUMENTS, MEMORABILIA, AS WELL
AS WORLDWIDE TRAVEL, TRYING TO
FIND OUT MY ROOTS, BUT I FOUND
AS WORLDWIDE TRAVEL, TRYING TO
FIND OUT MY ROOTS, BUT I FOUND
OUT THAT THE MORRISES ARE TRULY
FIND OUT MY ROOTS, BUT I FOUND
OUT THAT THE MORRISES ARE TRULY
AN AMERICAN FAMILY.
OUT THAT THE MORRISES ARE TRULY
AN AMERICAN FAMILY.
IT ALL STARTED EARLY IN THE
AN AMERICAN FAMILY.
IT ALL STARTED EARLY IN THE
SPRING OF 1760 IN THE VILLAGE OF
IT ALL STARTED EARLY IN THE
SPRING OF 1760 IN THE VILLAGE OF
JAFAR, FOUR DAYS UPRIVER FROM
SPRING OF 1760 IN THE VILLAGE OF
JAFAR, FOUR DAYS UPRIVER FROM
THE COAST OF GAMBIA,
JAFAR, FOUR DAYS UPRIVER FROM
THE COAST OF GAMBIA,
WEST AFRICA.
AN ILLEGITIMATE CHILD WAS BORN
TO KINWAY AND BOTO.
NOW, IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL GIRL,
AND THEY CALLED HER REBA.
NOW, THOUGH KINWAY AND BOTO
REMAINED TO FACE THE WILES OF
AFRICA, THEY LONGED FOR A BETTER
WORLD FOR REBA, AND IT WAS HERE
THAT THE MORRISES BECAME PART OF
AMERICAN HERITAGE WHEN REBA CAME
TO AMERICA AND WAS EVENTUALLY
GANG-RAPED BY ALL THE SIGNERS OF
THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE.
NOW, SOON, REBA WAS WITH CHILD,
BUT WHOSE?
SHE GAVE BIRTH TO A BABY BOY,
AND BECAUSE NO ONE KNEW WHO THE
FATHER WAS, NO LAST NAME WAS
GIVEN, AND THEN, THE CHILD WAS
CALLED TED.
TED GREW UP BITTER, KNOWING WHAT
THE FOUNDING FATHERS DID TO HIS
MOTHER, AND TO AVENGE THIS DEED,
TED, AT THE AGE OF 7, HAD AN
AFFAIR WITH THE WIVES OF
ALEXANDER HAMILTON, GENERAL
GEORGE DUNCAN, ETHAN ALLEN, AND
GOVERNOR ROBERT VALENTINE.
OF COURSE, TED WAS HANGED, BUT
NOT BEFORE THESE FAMOUS WOMEN
BORE HIS CHILDREN...
WILLIAM HAMILTON, WALTER DUNCAN,
MARJORIE DUNCAN, LEWIS ALLEN,
AND, OF COURSE,
FRANKLIN VALENTINE.
NOW, THIS WAS 1860, ABOUT THE
TIME OF THE CIVIL WAR, WHEN,
ORDINARILY, BLACK PEOPLE WERE
ENSLAVED.
HOWEVER, BY THIS TIME, THE
MORRIS FAMILY WAS NOT DARK
ENOUGH TO BE SLAVES AND GOT AWAY
WITH JUST PAYING JUST A SMALL
FINE.
NOW, THESE ILLUSTRIOUS CHILDREN
MARRIED, WITH MARJORIE DUNCAN
TAKING CONFEDERATE GENERAL
GEORGE LITTLE AS HER HUSBAND.
TO ALL OF THEM CAME CHILDREN...
WALTER HAMILTON, ISAIAH DUNCAN,
ROBERT LITTLE, DANIEL ALLEN,
PATRICIA ALLEN,
ELIZABETH VALENTINE, AND, OF
COURSE, LLOYD VALENTINE.
UNTIL NOW, MY FAMILY HAD JUST
BEEN INVOLVED WITH POLITICS AND
THE MILITARY, BUT WE ROSE TO THE
OCCASION DURING THE INDUSTRIAL
REVOLUTION AS ISAIAH BECAME A
MANUFACTURER, AND WE ENTERED THE
ARTS WHEN ELIZABETH VALENTINE
MARRIED THE SCULPTOR
JOE DAVIDSON, AND THE
INTERNATIONAL SCENE WAS
PATRICIA ALLEN MARRYING FOREIGN
AMBASSADOR DAVID WINTERS.
AT THIS POINT, THE MORRIS FAMILY
BECAME PROMINENT AT THE TURN OF
THE CENTURY AS DAVID AND
PATRICIA HAD A SON NAMED
ARCHIBALD WINTERS.
AND THE DAVIDSONS, ASIDE FROM
HAVING A SON MICHAEL AND TWO
DAUGHTERS, ONE WHO MARRIED THE
THEN-CONGRESSMAN
ADLAI STEVENSON AND ANOTHER WHO
MARRIED BRIGADIER GENERAL
DANIEL LYNN, THESE OTHER
CHILDREN, IN ADDITION TO THE
MARRIAGE OF HAMILTON'S DAUGHTER
JODIE TO MARSHALL PLAN AUTHOR
GENERAL GEORGE C. MARSHALL, WAS
ACTUALLY THE BEGINNING OF A
FAMILY SHOW-BUSINESS TRADITION
WHEN THE MARSHALLS HAD A SON
NAMED PETER, WHO, WITH
PAUL LYNDE, KAREN VALENTINE,
SANDY DUNCAN, JOHN DAVIDSON,
JONATHAN WINTERS,
McLEAN STEVENSON, RICH LITTLE,
GEORGE HAMILTON, AND MARTY ALLEN
FORM "THE HOLLYWOOD SQUARES!"
AND ME, GARRETT MORRIS... I'M
THE SECRET SQUARE.
THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME THIS
OPPORTUNITY.
GOOD NIGHT!
Announcer: AND NOW THE
LEAGUE OF WOMEN VOTERS TOGETHER
WITH THE THREE TELEVISION
NETWORKS PRESENTS DEBATE '76.
GOOD EVENING.
I'M YOUR MODERATOR AT THIS, THE
THIRD AND LAST TELEVISED DEBATE
I'M YOUR MODERATOR AT THIS, THE
THIRD AND LAST TELEVISED DEBATE
BETWEEN THE TWO FINALISTS FOR
THIRD AND LAST TELEVISED DEBATE
BETWEEN THE TWO FINALISTS FOR
THE PRESIDENCY OF THE
BETWEEN THE TWO FINALISTS FOR
THE PRESIDENCY OF THE
UNITED STATES... THE DEMOCRATIC
THE PRESIDENCY OF THE
UNITED STATES... THE DEMOCRATIC
NOMINEE, GOVERNOR JIMMY CARTER,
UNITED STATES... THE DEMOCRATIC
NOMINEE, GOVERNOR JIMMY CARTER,
AND THE REPUBLICAN NOMINEE,
NOMINEE, GOVERNOR JIMMY CARTER,
AND THE REPUBLICAN NOMINEE,
GERALD FORD.
AND THE REPUBLICAN NOMINEE,
GERALD FORD.
ON OUR PANEL THIS EVENING WILL
GERALD FORD.
ON OUR PANEL THIS EVENING WILL
BE ANTHONY LEWIS OF THE
ON OUR PANEL THIS EVENING WILL
BE ANTHONY LEWIS OF THE
NEW YORK TIMES,
BE ANTHONY LEWIS OF THE
NEW YORK TIMES,
ELIZABETH CUMMINGS OF
NEW YORK TIMES,
ELIZABETH CUMMINGS OF
WOMEN'S WEAR DAILY, AND
ELIZABETH CUMMINGS OF
WOMEN'S WEAR DAILY, AND
ROGER SMITH, THE HUSBAND OF
WOMEN'S WEAR DAILY, AND
ROGER SMITH, THE HUSBAND OF
ANN-MARGRET.
ROGER SMITH, THE HUSBAND OF
ANN-MARGRET.
AS YOU KNOW, THE FIRST DEBATE
ANN-MARGRET.
AS YOU KNOW, THE FIRST DEBATE
EARLIER THIS YEAR COVERED
AS YOU KNOW, THE FIRST DEBATE
EARLIER THIS YEAR COVERED
DOMESTIC ISSUES, AND THE SECOND
EARLIER THIS YEAR COVERED
DOMESTIC ISSUES, AND THE SECOND
CONFRONTATION CONCERNED THE
DOMESTIC ISSUES, AND THE SECOND
CONFRONTATION CONCERNED THE
CANDIDATES VIEWS ON OUR FOREIGN
CONFRONTATION CONCERNED THE
CANDIDATES VIEWS ON OUR FOREIGN
POLICIES.
CANDIDATES VIEWS ON OUR FOREIGN
POLICIES.
THIS THIRD AND LAST OF THE
POLICIES.
THIS THIRD AND LAST OF THE
MEETINGS WILL COVER THE
THIS THIRD AND LAST OF THE
MEETINGS WILL COVER THE
INDIVIDUAL CANDIDATES' BEAUTY,
MEETINGS WILL COVER THE
INDIVIDUAL CANDIDATES' BEAUTY,
TALENTS, AND POISE.
INDIVIDUAL CANDIDATES' BEAUTY,
TALENTS, AND POISE.
SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, LADIES
TALENTS, AND POISE.
SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN, THE SWIMSUIT
SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN, THE SWIMSUIT
COMPETITION.
AND GENTLEMEN, THE SWIMSUIT
COMPETITION.
[PIANO MUSIC PLAYS]
COMPETITION.
[PIANO MUSIC PLAYS]
YES, INDEED.
[PIANO MUSIC PLAYS]
YES, INDEED.
ISN'T HE LOVELY?
YES, INDEED.
ISN'T HE LOVELY?
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
ISN'T HE LOVELY?
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
MR. GEORGIA COMES TO US FROM THE
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
MR. GEORGIA COMES TO US FROM THE
TOWN OF PLAINS.
MR. GEORGIA COMES TO US FROM THE
TOWN OF PLAINS.
HE IS 5'10" IN HEIGHT, 160
TOWN OF PLAINS.
HE IS 5'10" IN HEIGHT, 160
POUNDS, AND HIS MEASUREMENTS ARE
HE IS 5'10" IN HEIGHT, 160
POUNDS, AND HIS MEASUREMENTS ARE
A VERY PLEASING 41-36-46.
POUNDS, AND HIS MEASUREMENTS ARE
A VERY PLEASING 41-36-46.
HE ENJOYS CATCHING FISH,
A VERY PLEASING 41-36-46.
HE ENJOYS CATCHING FISH,
CLEANING AND SCALING FISH, AND
HE ENJOYS CATCHING FISH,
CLEANING AND SCALING FISH, AND
SECRETLY LUSTING AFTER FISH.
CLEANING AND SCALING FISH, AND
SECRETLY LUSTING AFTER FISH.
AND NOW... THANK YOU,
SECRETLY LUSTING AFTER FISH.
AND NOW... THANK YOU,
MR. GEORGIA.
AND NOW... THANK YOU,
MR. GEORGIA.
AND NOW MR. UNITED STATES.
MR. GEORGIA.
AND NOW MR. UNITED STATES.
THE VERY CHARMING
AND NOW MR. UNITED STATES.
THE VERY CHARMING
MR. UNITED STATES COMES TO US
THE VERY CHARMING
MR. UNITED STATES COMES TO US
FROM WASHINGTON, D.C.
MR. UNITED STATES COMES TO US
FROM WASHINGTON, D.C.
HE IS USUALLY 6'1" TALL, WEIGHS
FROM WASHINGTON, D.C.
HE IS USUALLY 6'1" TALL, WEIGHS
175 POUNDS, AND HIS MEASUREMENTS
HE IS USUALLY 6'1" TALL, WEIGHS
175 POUNDS, AND HIS MEASUREMENTS
ARE AN EYE-CATCHING 42-33-38.
175 POUNDS, AND HIS MEASUREMENTS
ARE AN EYE-CATCHING 42-33-38.
HE ENJOYS SWIMMING, FOOTBALL,
ARE AN EYE-CATCHING 42-33-38.
HE ENJOYS SWIMMING, FOOTBALL,
AND, INEXPLICABLY, SENDING MEN
HE ENJOYS SWIMMING, FOOTBALL,
AND, INEXPLICABLY, SENDING MEN
INTO CAMBODIA.
AND, INEXPLICABLY, SENDING MEN
INTO CAMBODIA.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, GENTLEMEN.
INTO CAMBODIA.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, GENTLEMEN.
NOW, OF COURSE, WE COME TO THAT
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, GENTLEMEN.
NOW, OF COURSE, WE COME TO THAT
PART OF THE COMPETITION IN WHICH
NOW, OF COURSE, WE COME TO THAT
PART OF THE COMPETITION IN WHICH
EACH OF THE CANDIDATES
PART OF THE COMPETITION IN WHICH
EACH OF THE CANDIDATES
DEMONSTRATES HIS OR HER
EACH OF THE CANDIDATES
DEMONSTRATES HIS OR HER
ABILITIES IN AREAS OTHER THAN
DEMONSTRATES HIS OR HER
ABILITIES IN AREAS OTHER THAN
DOMESTIC OR FOREIGN-POLICY
ABILITIES IN AREAS OTHER THAN
DOMESTIC OR FOREIGN-POLICY
DECISIONS.
DOMESTIC OR FOREIGN-POLICY
DECISIONS.
THIS IS THE ALL-IMPORTANT TALENT
DECISIONS.
THIS IS THE ALL-IMPORTANT TALENT
SEGMENT.
THIS IS THE ALL-IMPORTANT TALENT
SEGMENT.
AS DECIDED BY A FLIP OF A COIN
SEGMENT.
AS DECIDED BY A FLIP OF A COIN
EARLIER IN PHILADELPHIA, THE
AS DECIDED BY A FLIP OF A COIN
EARLIER IN PHILADELPHIA, THE
FIRST PERFORMER WILL BE
EARLIER IN PHILADELPHIA, THE
FIRST PERFORMER WILL BE
MR. GEORGIA.
FIRST PERFORMER WILL BE
MR. GEORGIA.
UH, THANK YOU.
MR. GEORGIA.
UH, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
UH, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
MR. MODERATOR, AS YOU KNOW, I
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
MR. MODERATOR, AS YOU KNOW, I
HAVE MANY OTHER INTERESTS OTHER
MR. MODERATOR, AS YOU KNOW, I
HAVE MANY OTHER INTERESTS OTHER
THAN POLITICS.
HAVE MANY OTHER INTERESTS OTHER
THAN POLITICS.
I'M A FARMER, AND I ACTIVELY
THAN POLITICS.
I'M A FARMER, AND I ACTIVELY
PARTICIPATED IN THE
I'M A FARMER, AND I ACTIVELY
PARTICIPATED IN THE
UNITED STATES NAVY NUCLEAR
PARTICIPATED IN THE
UNITED STATES NAVY NUCLEAR
SUBMARINE PROGRAM WHEN I WAS IN
UNITED STATES NAVY NUCLEAR
SUBMARINE PROGRAM WHEN I WAS IN
THE NAVY.
SUBMARINE PROGRAM WHEN I WAS IN
THE NAVY.
AND I HAVE A GREAT DEAL OF
THE NAVY.
AND I HAVE A GREAT DEAL OF
INTEREST IN THE SCIENCE FIELD,
AND I HAVE A GREAT DEAL OF
INTEREST IN THE SCIENCE FIELD,
PARTICULARLY DENTISTRY BECAUSE I
INTEREST IN THE SCIENCE FIELD,
PARTICULARLY DENTISTRY BECAUSE I
HAVE SUCH A NICE SET OF TEETH.
PARTICULARLY DENTISTRY BECAUSE I
HAVE SUCH A NICE SET OF TEETH.
YOU KNOW, FOR MY TALENT TONIGHT,
HAVE SUCH A NICE SET OF TEETH.
YOU KNOW, FOR MY TALENT TONIGHT,
I'D LIKE TO PERFORM A LITTLE
YOU KNOW, FOR MY TALENT TONIGHT,
I'D LIKE TO PERFORM A LITTLE
DENTAL WORK ON A SECRET SERVICE
I'D LIKE TO PERFORM A LITTLE
DENTAL WORK ON A SECRET SERVICE
AGENT.
DENTAL WORK ON A SECRET SERVICE
AGENT.
GO RIGHT TO IT, MR. GEORGIA.
AGENT.
GO RIGHT TO IT, MR. GEORGIA.
AND TONIGHT, ASSISTING ME, I
GO RIGHT TO IT, MR. GEORGIA.
AND TONIGHT, ASSISTING ME, I
HAVE MR. JOE MORGAN, ONE OF OUR
AND TONIGHT, ASSISTING ME, I
HAVE MR. JOE MORGAN, ONE OF OUR
SECRET SERVICE AGENTS, AND HE'S
HAVE MR. JOE MORGAN, ONE OF OUR
SECRET SERVICE AGENTS, AND HE'S
FROM MOBILE, ALABAMA.
SECRET SERVICE AGENTS, AND HE'S
FROM MOBILE, ALABAMA.
JOE, WANT TO OPEN WIDE?
FROM MOBILE, ALABAMA.
JOE, WANT TO OPEN WIDE?
OKAY.
JOE, WANT TO OPEN WIDE?
OKAY.
[SCREAMS]
OKAY.
[SCREAMS]
NOW, WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO
[SCREAMS]
NOW, WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO
CLEAN THAT OUT AND PLUG IT UP
NOW, WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO
CLEAN THAT OUT AND PLUG IT UP
AFTER THE DEBATE.
CLEAN THAT OUT AND PLUG IT UP
AFTER THE DEBATE.
UM, THE PATIENT HAS A MISSING
AFTER THE DEBATE.
UM, THE PATIENT HAS A MISSING
FILLING AND AN IMPACTED WISDOM
UM, THE PATIENT HAS A MISSING
FILLING AND AN IMPACTED WISDOM
TOOTH WITH A POSSIBLE ABSCESS.
FILLING AND AN IMPACTED WISDOM
TOOTH WITH A POSSIBLE ABSCESS.
THANK YOU.
TOOTH WITH A POSSIBLE ABSCESS.
THANK YOU.
AND THANK YOU, GOVERNOR.
THANK YOU.
AND THANK YOU, GOVERNOR.
THAT WAS VERY, VERY LOVELY.
AND THANK YOU, GOVERNOR.
THAT WAS VERY, VERY LOVELY.
AND THAT'S CERTAINLY A HANDSOME
THAT WAS VERY, VERY LOVELY.
AND THAT'S CERTAINLY A HANDSOME
DATE YOU'VE GOT THERE.
AND THAT'S CERTAINLY A HANDSOME
DATE YOU'VE GOT THERE.
AND NOW, OF COURSE,
DATE YOU'VE GOT THERE.
AND NOW, OF COURSE,
MR. GEORGIA'S OPPONENT,
AND NOW, OF COURSE,
MR. GEORGIA'S OPPONENT,
MR. UNITED STATES.
MR. GEORGIA'S OPPONENT,
MR. UNITED STATES.
YOUR TALENT, PLEASE.
MR. UNITED STATES.
YOUR TALENT, PLEASE.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, MR. BA...
YOUR TALENT, PLEASE.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, MR. BA...
BARNS.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, MR. BA...
BARNS.
AS YOU MAY WELL KNOW, I HAVE
BARNS.
AS YOU MAY WELL KNOW, I HAVE
BELIEVED AND DO BELIEVE THIS
AS YOU MAY WELL KNOW, I HAVE
BELIEVED AND DO BELIEVE THIS
TIME THAT THE LEADER OF THE FREE
BELIEVED AND DO BELIEVE THIS
TIME THAT THE LEADER OF THE FREE
WORLD SHOULD BE COMMUNICATIVE
TIME THAT THE LEADER OF THE FREE
WORLD SHOULD BE COMMUNICATIVE
AND SHOULD BE, IN SOME WAYS, AN
WORLD SHOULD BE COMMUNICATIVE
AND SHOULD BE, IN SOME WAYS, AN
ADVISOR TO HIS FAMILY AS IT
AND SHOULD BE, IN SOME WAYS, AN
ADVISOR TO HIS FAMILY AS IT
WERE.
ADVISOR TO HIS FAMILY AS IT
WERE.
AND IN THIS CASE, I WOULD... AS
WERE.
AND IN THIS CASE, I WOULD... AS
MY TALENT... LIKE TO TEACH THE
AND IN THIS CASE, I WOULD... AS
MY TALENT... LIKE TO TEACH THE
PEOPLE OF MY NATION, OR THE
MY TALENT... LIKE TO TEACH THE
PEOPLE OF MY NATION, OR THE
PEOPLE, HOW TO VOTE THIS
PEOPLE OF MY NATION, OR THE
PEOPLE, HOW TO VOTE THIS
TUESDAY.
PEOPLE, HOW TO VOTE THIS
TUESDAY.
THIS WILL BE MY TALENT.
TUESDAY.
THIS WILL BE MY TALENT.
ALL RIGHT, SIR, GO RIGHT
THIS WILL BE MY TALENT.
ALL RIGHT, SIR, GO RIGHT
AHEAD.
ALL RIGHT, SIR, GO RIGHT
AHEAD.
MR. UNITED STATES, TEACHING THE
AHEAD.
MR. UNITED STATES, TEACHING THE
PEOPLE OF THE UNITED STATES HOW
MR. UNITED STATES, TEACHING THE
PEOPLE OF THE UNITED STATES HOW
TO VOTE.
PEOPLE OF THE UNITED STATES HOW
TO VOTE.
THIS IS, OF COURSE, THE
TO VOTE.
THIS IS, OF COURSE, THE
VOTING BOOTH.
THIS IS, OF COURSE, THE
VOTING BOOTH.
WE...
VOTING BOOTH.
WE...
SIMPLY...
WE...
SIMPLY...
CLOSE THIS.
SIMPLY...
CLOSE THIS.
THERE'S NO PAPER IN HERE.
CLOSE THIS.
THERE'S NO PAPER IN HERE.
NO, SIR.
THERE'S NO PAPER IN HERE.
NO, SIR.
MR. UNITED STATES, IT'S A VOTING
NO, SIR.
MR. UNITED STATES, IT'S A VOTING
BOOTH.
MR. UNITED STATES, IT'S A VOTING
BOOTH.
AH.
BOOTH.
AH.
I'M SORRY.
AH.
I'M SORRY.
I CAN SEE THE CHOICES HERE, AND
I'M SORRY.
I CAN SEE THE CHOICES HERE, AND
SIMPLY...
I CAN SEE THE CHOICES HERE, AND
SIMPLY...
A LEVER WHICH ONE PULLS TO MAKE
SIMPLY...
A LEVER WHICH ONE PULLS TO MAKE
AND CAST ONE'S VOTE.
A LEVER WHICH ONE PULLS TO MAKE
AND CAST ONE'S VOTE.
VERY, VERY LOVELY.
AND CAST ONE'S VOTE.
VERY, VERY LOVELY.
ISN'T HE CHARMING?
VERY, VERY LOVELY.
ISN'T HE CHARMING?
THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
ISN'T HE CHARMING?
THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
MR. PRESIDENT.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
MR. PRESIDENT.
A FINE SENSE OF RHYTHM YOU'VE
MR. PRESIDENT.
A FINE SENSE OF RHYTHM YOU'VE
GOT THERE.
A FINE SENSE OF RHYTHM YOU'VE
GOT THERE.
NEXT, OF COURSE, COMES THE FINAL
GOT THERE.
NEXT, OF COURSE, COMES THE FINAL
AND MOST IMPORTANT PART IN THE
NEXT, OF COURSE, COMES THE FINAL
AND MOST IMPORTANT PART IN THE
1976 COMPETITION.
AND MOST IMPORTANT PART IN THE
1976 COMPETITION.
EACH OF OUR FINALISTS FROM
1976 COMPETITION.
EACH OF OUR FINALISTS FROM
GEORGIA RIGHT DOWN TO THE
EACH OF OUR FINALISTS FROM
GEORGIA RIGHT DOWN TO THE
UNITED STATES MUST ANSWER A
GEORGIA RIGHT DOWN TO THE
UNITED STATES MUST ANSWER A
SIMPLE QUESTION SELECTED BY OUR
UNITED STATES MUST ANSWER A
SIMPLE QUESTION SELECTED BY OUR
PANELISTS AND SEALED IN THESE
SIMPLE QUESTION SELECTED BY OUR
PANELISTS AND SEALED IN THESE
ENVELOPES, BUT FIRST, STAY WITH
PANELISTS AND SEALED IN THESE
ENVELOPES, BUT FIRST, STAY WITH
US, 'CAUSE WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
ENVELOPES, BUT FIRST, STAY WITH
US, 'CAUSE WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
WE'RE BACK.
US, 'CAUSE WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
WE'RE BACK.
I HAVE THE QUESTIONS HERE, IF
WE'RE BACK.
I HAVE THE QUESTIONS HERE, IF
YOU GENTLEMEN WILL FOLLOW ME
I HAVE THE QUESTIONS HERE, IF
YOU GENTLEMEN WILL FOLLOW ME
DOWN.
YOU GENTLEMEN WILL FOLLOW ME
DOWN.
HERE'S ONE FOR YOU, MR. GEORGIA.
DOWN.
HERE'S ONE FOR YOU, MR. GEORGIA.
IF YOU WILL OPEN THE ENVELOPE
HERE'S ONE FOR YOU, MR. GEORGIA.
IF YOU WILL OPEN THE ENVELOPE
AND HAND ME THE QUESTION, I WILL
IF YOU WILL OPEN THE ENVELOPE
AND HAND ME THE QUESTION, I WILL
READ IT AND YOU WILL ANSWER IT.
AND HAND ME THE QUESTION, I WILL
READ IT AND YOU WILL ANSWER IT.
NOW, MR. GEORGIA, WHAT WILL YOU
READ IT AND YOU WILL ANSWER IT.
NOW, MR. GEORGIA, WHAT WILL YOU
DO IF YOU WIN THE COMPETITION
NOW, MR. GEORGIA, WHAT WILL YOU
DO IF YOU WIN THE COMPETITION
AND BECOME PERHAPS THE MOST
DO IF YOU WIN THE COMPETITION
AND BECOME PERHAPS THE MOST
POWERFUL MAN IN THE WORLD?
AND BECOME PERHAPS THE MOST
POWERFUL MAN IN THE WORLD?
[SIGHS]
POWERFUL MAN IN THE WORLD?
[SIGHS]
GEE, I DON'T KNOW.
[SIGHS]
GEE, I DON'T KNOW.
GOLLY, I REALLY DON'T KNOW.
GEE, I DON'T KNOW.
GOLLY, I REALLY DON'T KNOW.
IT'LL BE SUCH A SHOCK, AND IF I
GOLLY, I REALLY DON'T KNOW.
IT'LL BE SUCH A SHOCK, AND IF I
ACTUALLY WON, I GUESS I'D
IT'LL BE SUCH A SHOCK, AND IF I
ACTUALLY WON, I GUESS I'D
JUST... WELL, THE WHITE HOUSE
ACTUALLY WON, I GUESS I'D
JUST... WELL, THE WHITE HOUSE
AND ALL THAT.
JUST... WELL, THE WHITE HOUSE
AND ALL THAT.
I SUPPOSE I'D JUST GO ACROSS
AND ALL THAT.
I SUPPOSE I'D JUST GO ACROSS
THIS GREAT NATION AND TALK TO A
I SUPPOSE I'D JUST GO ACROSS
THIS GREAT NATION AND TALK TO A
LOT OF PEOPLE AND TRY TO GET TO
THIS GREAT NATION AND TALK TO A
LOT OF PEOPLE AND TRY TO GET TO
KNOW THEM AS BEST I CAN.
LOT OF PEOPLE AND TRY TO GET TO
KNOW THEM AS BEST I CAN.
I GET A CONVERTIBLE, DON'T I?
KNOW THEM AS BEST I CAN.
I GET A CONVERTIBLE, DON'T I?
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
I GET A CONVERTIBLE, DON'T I?
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU, MR. GEORGIA.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU, MR. GEORGIA.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU, MR. GEORGIA.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
ISN'T HE LOVELY, LADIES AND
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
ISN'T HE LOVELY, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN?
ISN'T HE LOVELY, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN?
AND WHAT A CHARMING ANSWER.
GENTLEMEN?
AND WHAT A CHARMING ANSWER.
AND NOW, MR. UNITED STATES, YOUR
AND WHAT A CHARMING ANSWER.
AND NOW, MR. UNITED STATES, YOUR
ENVELOPE AND YOUR QUESTION.
AND NOW, MR. UNITED STATES, YOUR
ENVELOPE AND YOUR QUESTION.
WOULD YOU OPEN IT PLEASE?
VERY GOOD, SIR.
I'LL JUST READ THE QUESTION.
I'M SORRY.
I'LL JUST READ THE QUESTION.
I'M SORRY.
THAT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT.
I'M SORRY.
THAT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT.
I CUT MYSELF SHAVING HERE
THAT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT.
I CUT MYSELF SHAVING HERE
THIS EVENING, TOO.
I CUT MYSELF SHAVING HERE
THIS EVENING, TOO.
AH.
AH.
ALL RIGHT, SIR.
ALL RIGHT, SIR.
HERE IS YOUR QUESTION.
HERE IS YOUR QUESTION.
YOU'RE AT A STATE DINNER IN
YOU'RE AT A STATE DINNER IN
MOSCOW, SITTING AT THE DAIS WITH
MOSCOW, SITTING AT THE DAIS WITH
CHAIRMAN BREZHNEV,
CHAIRMAN BREZHNEV,
MRS. BREZHNEV, AND
MRS. BREZHNEV, AND
MR. KISSINGER.
MR. KISSINGER.
INADVERTENTLY, YOUR TIE LANDS IN
INADVERTENTLY, YOUR TIE LANDS IN
MR. BREZHNEV'S SOUP.
MR. BREZHNEV'S SOUP.
REALIZING THE FAUX PAS, YOU
REALIZING THE FAUX PAS, YOU
EXCUSE YOURSELF, REACHING WITH
EXCUSE YOURSELF, REACHING WITH
YOUR RIGHT HAND TO REMOVE YOUR
YOUR RIGHT HAND TO REMOVE YOUR
TIE FROM HIS SOUP.
TIE FROM HIS SOUP.
YOUR ELBOW HITS MRS. BREZHNEV IN
YOUR ELBOW HITS MRS. BREZHNEV IN
THE RIGHT EYE, CAUSING HER TO
THE RIGHT EYE, CAUSING HER TO
FALL OVER BACKWARDS BEHIND THE
FALL OVER BACKWARDS BEHIND THE
DAIS, IN PAIN.
DAIS, IN PAIN.
YOU RISE, SEVERELY SCRATCHING
YOU RISE, SEVERELY SCRATCHING
SECRETARY OF STATE KISSINGER ON
SECRETARY OF STATE KISSINGER ON
THE TEMPLE WITH YOUR SALAD FORK.
THE TEMPLE WITH YOUR SALAD FORK.
IN AN ATTEMPT TO CONSOLE THE
IN AN ATTEMPT TO CONSOLE THE
CHAIRMAN'S WIFE, YOU
CHAIRMAN'S WIFE, YOU
ACCIDENTALLY PIERCE HER THORAX
ACCIDENTALLY PIERCE HER THORAX
WITH THE HEEL OF YOUR LEFT SHOE.
WITH THE HEEL OF YOUR LEFT SHOE.
MR. KISSINGER RISES AND
MR. KISSINGER RISES AND
APOLOGIZES PUBLICLY TO THE
APOLOGIZES PUBLICLY TO THE
BREZHNEVS WHILE HOLDING A NAPKIN
BREZHNEVS WHILE HOLDING A NAPKIN
TO HIS BLEEDING LEFT TEMPLE,
TO HIS BLEEDING LEFT TEMPLE,
VERY MUCH LIKE MY OWN, AS YOU
VERY MUCH LIKE MY OWN, AS YOU
TRIP OVER THE FACE OF
TRIP OVER THE FACE OF
MRS. BREZHNEV AND FALL THROUGH
MRS. BREZHNEV AND FALL THROUGH
THE TABLES, LANDING WITH YOUR
THE TABLES, LANDING WITH YOUR
RIGHT KNEE IN COSTIGAN'S MOUTH.
RIGHT KNEE IN COSTIGAN'S MOUTH.
HOW WOULD YOU HANDLE THIS
HOW WOULD YOU HANDLE THIS
DELICATE SOCIAL SITUATION?
THE PUERTO RICANS ARE AN
DELICATE SOCIAL SITUATION?
THE PUERTO RICANS ARE AN
INDEPENDENT AND AUTONOMOUS
THE PUERTO RICANS ARE AN
INDEPENDENT AND AUTONOMOUS
PEOPLE, AND I DON'T THINK FOR
INDEPENDENT AND AUTONOMOUS
PEOPLE, AND I DON'T THINK FOR
ONE MOMENT THAT THEY CONSIDER
PEOPLE, AND I DON'T THINK FOR
ONE MOMENT THAT THEY CONSIDER
THEMSELVES DOMINATED BY THE
ONE MOMENT THAT THEY CONSIDER
THEMSELVES DOMINATED BY THE
SOVIET UNION.
THEMSELVES DOMINATED BY THE
SOVIET UNION.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
SOVIET UNION.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
MR. PRESIDENT, AND THANK YOU
THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
MR. PRESIDENT, AND THANK YOU
EVERYBODY AT HOME.
THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE
TODAY.
JOIN US FOR THE RESULTS NEXT
TUESDAY.
GOOD NIGHT AND HAPPY VOTING.
Announcer: AND NOW
WEEKEND UPDATE WITH CHEVY CHASE.
WELL, THAT IS RIDICULOUS.
WEEKEND UPDATE WITH CHEVY CHASE.
WELL, THAT IS RIDICULOUS.
THERE'S NO PROOF.
WELL, THAT IS RIDICULOUS.
THERE'S NO PROOF.
YOU CAN SMOKE AS MUCH OF IT AS
THERE'S NO PROOF.
YOU CAN SMOKE AS MUCH OF IT AS
YOU WANT.
YOU CAN SMOKE AS MUCH OF IT AS
YOU WANT.
IT DOES NOT AFFECT YOUR MOTOR
YOU WANT.
IT DOES NOT AFFECT YOUR MOTOR
SKILLS, ALL RIGHT?
IT DOES NOT AFFECT YOUR MOTOR
SKILLS, ALL RIGHT?
EMOTIONALLY, MAYBE, OKAY?
SKILLS, ALL RIGHT?
EMOTIONALLY, MAYBE, OKAY?
I'VE GOT TO GO.
EMOTIONALLY, MAYBE, OKAY?
I'VE GOT TO GO.
I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.
GOOD EVENING, I'M CHEVY CHASE,
AND YOU'RE ROD McKUEN.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...
AND YOU'RE ROD McKUEN.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...
BUCK HENRY CUTS HIMSELF IN THE
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...
BUCK HENRY CUTS HIMSELF IN THE
FOREHEAD IN A SKETCH ON THE
BUCK HENRY CUTS HIMSELF IN THE
FOREHEAD IN A SKETCH ON THE
"SATURDAY NIGHT" SHOW...
FOREHEAD IN A SKETCH ON THE
"SATURDAY NIGHT" SHOW...
AS A FAR-GONE AND DOWNED AND
"SATURDAY NIGHT" SHOW...
AS A FAR-GONE AND DOWNED AND
DRUGGED-OUT JOHN BELUSHI HITS
AS A FAR-GONE AND DOWNED AND
DRUGGED-OUT JOHN BELUSHI HITS
HIM WITH A SWORD.
DRUGGED-OUT JOHN BELUSHI HITS
HIM WITH A SWORD.
WELL, THE FIRST ELECTION RETURNS
HIM WITH A SWORD.
WELL, THE FIRST ELECTION RETURNS
ARE IN.
WELL, THE FIRST ELECTION RETURNS
ARE IN.
GERALD FORD, ZERO.
ARE IN.
GERALD FORD, ZERO.
JIMMY CARTER, ZERO.
GERALD FORD, ZERO.
JIMMY CARTER, ZERO.
MORE ON THESE FIGURES AS THEY
JIMMY CARTER, ZERO.
MORE ON THESE FIGURES AS THEY
COME IN.
MORE ON THESE FIGURES AS THEY
COME IN.
JOHN D. EHRLICHMAN, ONE OF THE
COME IN.
JOHN D. EHRLICHMAN, ONE OF THE
NIXON ADMINISTRATION'S MOST
JOHN D. EHRLICHMAN, ONE OF THE
NIXON ADMINISTRATION'S MOST
POWERFUL ADVISORS, HAS
NIXON ADMINISTRATION'S MOST
POWERFUL ADVISORS, HAS
VOLUNTARILY ENTERED A FEDERAL
POWERFUL ADVISORS, HAS
VOLUNTARILY ENTERED A FEDERAL
PRISON CAMP TO SERVE SENTENCES
VOLUNTARILY ENTERED A FEDERAL
PRISON CAMP TO SERVE SENTENCES
FOR HIS WATERGATE CRIMES.
PRISON CAMP TO SERVE SENTENCES
FOR HIS WATERGATE CRIMES.
LAST-MINUTE ADVICE FROM HIS
FOR HIS WATERGATE CRIMES.
LAST-MINUTE ADVICE FROM HIS
LAWYERS WERE THAT HE KEEP QUIET
LAST-MINUTE ADVICE FROM HIS
LAWYERS WERE THAT HE KEEP QUIET
ABOUT HIS PENDING APPEAL AND
LAWYERS WERE THAT HE KEEP QUIET
ABOUT HIS PENDING APPEAL AND
THAT HE AVOID FRATERNIZING WITH
ABOUT HIS PENDING APPEAL AND
THAT HE AVOID FRATERNIZING WITH
THE INMATES... OR BENDING OVER
THAT HE AVOID FRATERNIZING WITH
THE INMATES... OR BENDING OVER
FOR THE SOAP IN THE SHOWER.
THE INMATES... OR BENDING OVER
FOR THE SOAP IN THE SHOWER.
CAMPAIGNING ON HER OWN IN
FOR THE SOAP IN THE SHOWER.
CAMPAIGNING ON HER OWN IN
MICHIGAN THIS WEEK, BETTY FORD
CAMPAIGNING ON HER OWN IN
MICHIGAN THIS WEEK, BETTY FORD
WON FIRST PLACE IN A LOCAL
MICHIGAN THIS WEEK, BETTY FORD
WON FIRST PLACE IN A LOCAL
DOG-SMELLING CONTEST.
WON FIRST PLACE IN A LOCAL
DOG-SMELLING CONTEST.
THE FIRST LADY REVEALED THAT SHE
DOG-SMELLING CONTEST.
THE FIRST LADY REVEALED THAT SHE
HAD PLENTY OF EXPERIENCE IN THE
THE FIRST LADY REVEALED THAT SHE
HAD PLENTY OF EXPERIENCE IN THE
WHITE HOUSE WITH FORD'S GOLDEN
HAD PLENTY OF EXPERIENCE IN THE
WHITE HOUSE WITH FORD'S GOLDEN
RETRIEVER, LIBERTY.
WHITE HOUSE WITH FORD'S GOLDEN
RETRIEVER, LIBERTY.
IN AN EFFORT TO ENCOURAGE
RETRIEVER, LIBERTY.
IN AN EFFORT TO ENCOURAGE
AMERICANS TO GET THEIR SWINE FLU
IN AN EFFORT TO ENCOURAGE
AMERICANS TO GET THEIR SWINE FLU
INOCULATIONS, PRESIDENT FORD
AMERICANS TO GET THEIR SWINE FLU
INOCULATIONS, PRESIDENT FORD
WENT TO ATLANTIC CITY THIS WEEK
INOCULATIONS, PRESIDENT FORD
WENT TO ATLANTIC CITY THIS WEEK
WHERE HE SWALLOWED A HYPODERMIC
WENT TO ATLANTIC CITY THIS WEEK
WHERE HE SWALLOWED A HYPODERMIC
SYRINGE AND PERSONALLY
WHERE HE SWALLOWED A HYPODERMIC
SYRINGE AND PERSONALLY
VACCINATED MISS AMERICA IN THE
SYRINGE AND PERSONALLY
VACCINATED MISS AMERICA IN THE
FACE.
VACCINATED MISS AMERICA IN THE
FACE.
MORE NEWS.
FACE.
MORE NEWS.
REPUBLICAN VICE PRESIDENTIAL
MORE NEWS.
REPUBLICAN VICE PRESIDENTIAL
CANDIDATE ROBERT DOLE...
REPUBLICAN VICE PRESIDENTIAL
CANDIDATE ROBERT DOLE...
PRONOUNCED "DOLE"... RECENTLY
CANDIDATE ROBERT DOLE...
PRONOUNCED "DOLE"... RECENTLY
LAID BLAME FOR WORLD WAR II ON A
PRONOUNCED "DOLE"... RECENTLY
LAID BLAME FOR WORLD WAR II ON A
DEMOCRATIC ADMINISTRATION.
LAID BLAME FOR WORLD WAR II ON A
DEMOCRATIC ADMINISTRATION.
TODAY, HE WENT ONE STEP FURTHER.
DEMOCRATIC ADMINISTRATION.
TODAY, HE WENT ONE STEP FURTHER.
ADDRESSING A GROUP OF
TODAY, HE WENT ONE STEP FURTHER.
ADDRESSING A GROUP OF
JAPANESE-AMERICANS, DOLE CALLED
ADDRESSING A GROUP OF
JAPANESE-AMERICANS, DOLE CALLED
IT... CALLED WORLD WAR II,
JAPANESE-AMERICANS, DOLE CALLED
IT... CALLED WORLD WAR II,
QUOTE, "A SLUR ON THE GOOD NAME
IT... CALLED WORLD WAR II,
QUOTE, "A SLUR ON THE GOOD NAME
OF JAPAN," AND PROMISED, IF
QUOTE, "A SLUR ON THE GOOD NAME
OF JAPAN," AND PROMISED, IF
ELECTED, TO CHANGE THE NAME OF
OF JAPAN," AND PROMISED, IF
ELECTED, TO CHANGE THE NAME OF
PEARL HARBOR TO SOMETHING LESS
ELECTED, TO CHANGE THE NAME OF
PEARL HARBOR TO SOMETHING LESS
OFFENSIVE TO THE JAPANESE
PEARL HARBOR TO SOMETHING LESS
OFFENSIVE TO THE JAPANESE
COMMUNITY... FOR EXAMPLE,
OFFENSIVE TO THE JAPANESE
COMMUNITY... FOR EXAMPLE,
"SURPRISE CITY."
COMMUNITY... FOR EXAMPLE,
"SURPRISE CITY."
SERIOUS NOTE...
"SURPRISE CITY."
SERIOUS NOTE...
MICHAEL GOLDBAUM, A MEDIA EXPERT
SERIOUS NOTE...
MICHAEL GOLDBAUM, A MEDIA EXPERT
WHO HAS BEEN PRODUCING
MICHAEL GOLDBAUM, A MEDIA EXPERT
WHO HAS BEEN PRODUCING
PRESIDENT FORD'S TELEVISION
WHO HAS BEEN PRODUCING
PRESIDENT FORD'S TELEVISION
COMMERCIALS, WAS FIRED YESTERDAY
PRESIDENT FORD'S TELEVISION
COMMERCIALS, WAS FIRED YESTERDAY
WHEN IT WAS DISCOVERED THAT HE
COMMERCIALS, WAS FIRED YESTERDAY
WHEN IT WAS DISCOVERED THAT HE
ALSO PRODUCES HARD-CORE
WHEN IT WAS DISCOVERED THAT HE
ALSO PRODUCES HARD-CORE
PORNOGRAPHY FILMS.
ALSO PRODUCES HARD-CORE
PORNOGRAPHY FILMS.
THE FORD PEOPLE CAUGHT ON WHEN
PORNOGRAPHY FILMS.
THE FORD PEOPLE CAUGHT ON WHEN
A RECENT CAMPAIGN AD WITH THE
THE FORD PEOPLE CAUGHT ON WHEN
A RECENT CAMPAIGN AD WITH THE
ANNOUNCEMENT, "THERE'S A CHANGE
A RECENT CAMPAIGN AD WITH THE
ANNOUNCEMENT, "THERE'S A CHANGE
COMING OVER THIS LAND," SHOWED
ANNOUNCEMENT, "THERE'S A CHANGE
COMING OVER THIS LAND," SHOWED
SUSAN FORD WEARING SPIKED HEELS,
COMING OVER THIS LAND," SHOWED
SUSAN FORD WEARING SPIKED HEELS,
MANACLES, AND A BICENTENNIAL DOG
SUSAN FORD WEARING SPIKED HEELS,
MANACLES, AND A BICENTENNIAL DOG
COLLAR WHILE A MASKED NAZI
MANACLES, AND A BICENTENNIAL DOG
COLLAR WHILE A MASKED NAZI
TATTOOED "VOTE FOR MY DAD" ALL
COLLAR WHILE A MASKED NAZI
TATTOOED "VOTE FOR MY DAD" ALL
OVER HER BODY.
TATTOOED "VOTE FOR MY DAD" ALL
OVER HER BODY.
IN A RELATED STORY, AS THE
OVER HER BODY.
IN A RELATED STORY, AS THE
PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION CAMPAIGN
IN A RELATED STORY, AS THE
PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION CAMPAIGN
WINDS TOWARD ITS END, BOTH
PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION CAMPAIGN
WINDS TOWARD ITS END, BOTH
CANDIDATES HAVE DECIDED, IN A
WINDS TOWARD ITS END, BOTH
CANDIDATES HAVE DECIDED, IN A
LAST-MINUTE DISPLAY OF GOOD
CANDIDATES HAVE DECIDED, IN A
LAST-MINUTE DISPLAY OF GOOD
FAITH, NOT TO RELEASE ESPECIALLY
LAST-MINUTE DISPLAY OF GOOD
FAITH, NOT TO RELEASE ESPECIALLY
HARD-HITTING TELEVISION
FAITH, NOT TO RELEASE ESPECIALLY
HARD-HITTING TELEVISION
COMMERCIALS.
HARD-HITTING TELEVISION
COMMERCIALS.
HOWEVER, WEEKEND UPDATE WAS ABLE
COMMERCIALS.
HOWEVER, WEEKEND UPDATE WAS ABLE
TO OBTAIN TWO OF THEM.
HOWEVER, WEEKEND UPDATE WAS ABLE
TO OBTAIN TWO OF THEM.
HERE IS THE FIRST SUCH
TO OBTAIN TWO OF THEM.
HERE IS THE FIRST SUCH
COMMERCIAL.
HERE IS THE FIRST SUCH
COMMERCIAL.
I THINK THE PEOPLE OF AMERICA
COMMERCIAL.
I THINK THE PEOPLE OF AMERICA
NEED A NEW KIND OF PRESIDENT...
I THINK THE PEOPLE OF AMERICA
NEED A NEW KIND OF PRESIDENT...
A PRESIDENT WHO FEELS YOUR PAIN
NEED A NEW KIND OF PRESIDENT...
A PRESIDENT WHO FEELS YOUR PAIN
AND SHARES YOUR DREAMS, WHO
A PRESIDENT WHO FEELS YOUR PAIN
AND SHARES YOUR DREAMS, WHO
LUSTS YOUR LUSTS.
AND SHARES YOUR DREAMS, WHO
LUSTS YOUR LUSTS.
NOW, I TRY NOT TO COMMIT A
LUSTS YOUR LUSTS.
NOW, I TRY NOT TO COMMIT A
DELIBERATE SIN.
NOW, I TRY NOT TO COMMIT A
DELIBERATE SIN.
I RECOGNIZE THAT I'M GONNA DO IT
DELIBERATE SIN.
I RECOGNIZE THAT I'M GONNA DO IT
ANYHOW BECAUSE I'M HUMAN AND I'M
I RECOGNIZE THAT I'M GONNA DO IT
ANYHOW BECAUSE I'M HUMAN AND I'M
TEMPTED.
ANYHOW BECAUSE I'M HUMAN AND I'M
TEMPTED.
AND CHRIST SET SOME ALMOST
TEMPTED.
AND CHRIST SET SOME ALMOST
IMPOSSIBLE STANDARDS FOR US.
AND CHRIST SET SOME ALMOST
IMPOSSIBLE STANDARDS FOR US.
CHRIST SAYS, "I TELL YOU THAT
IMPOSSIBLE STANDARDS FOR US.
CHRIST SAYS, "I TELL YOU THAT
ANYONE WHO LOOKS AT A WOMAN WITH
CHRIST SAYS, "I TELL YOU THAT
ANYONE WHO LOOKS AT A WOMAN WITH
LUST HAS, IN HIS HEART, ALREADY
ANYONE WHO LOOKS AT A WOMAN WITH
LUST HAS, IN HIS HEART, ALREADY
COMMITTED ADULTERY."
LUST HAS, IN HIS HEART, ALREADY
COMMITTED ADULTERY."
NOW, I'VE LOOKED ON A LOT OF
COMMITTED ADULTERY."
NOW, I'VE LOOKED ON A LOT OF
WOMEN WITH LUST.
NOW, I'VE LOOKED ON A LOT OF
WOMEN WITH LUST.
I'VE COMMITTED ADULTERY IN MY
WOMEN WITH LUST.
I'VE COMMITTED ADULTERY IN MY
HEART MANY TIMES.
I'VE COMMITTED ADULTERY IN MY
HEART MANY TIMES.
THIS IS SOMETHING THAT GOD
HEART MANY TIMES.
THIS IS SOMETHING THAT GOD
RECOGNIZES I WILL DO, AND I HAVE
THIS IS SOMETHING THAT GOD
RECOGNIZES I WILL DO, AND I HAVE
DONE IT.
RECOGNIZES I WILL DO, AND I HAVE
DONE IT.
AND GOD FORGIVES ME FOR IT.
DONE IT.
AND GOD FORGIVES ME FOR IT.
AND I HOPE YOU FORGIVE ME.
AND GOD FORGIVES ME FOR IT.
AND I HOPE YOU FORGIVE ME.
AND I HOPE ROSALYNN WILL.
AND I HOPE YOU FORGIVE ME.
AND I HOPE ROSALYNN WILL.
THANK YOU.
THAT WAS THE GERALD FORD
COMMERCIAL.
AND NOW HERE IS THE
COMMERCIAL.
AND NOW HERE IS THE
JIMMY CARTER COMMERCIAL COMING
AND NOW HERE IS THE
JIMMY CARTER COMMERCIAL COMING
RIGHT UP NOW ON YOUR SCREEN.
JIMMY CARTER COMMERCIAL COMING
RIGHT UP NOW ON YOUR SCREEN.
AS WE ARE A NATION UNDER GOD,
RIGHT UP NOW ON YOUR SCREEN.
AS WE ARE A NATION UNDER GOD,
SO I AM SWORN TO UPHOLD OUR LAWS
AS WE ARE A NATION UNDER GOD,
SO I AM SWORN TO UPHOLD OUR LAWS
WITH THE HELP OF GOD.
SO I AM SWORN TO UPHOLD OUR LAWS
WITH THE HELP OF GOD.
AND I HAVE SOUGHT SUCH GUIDANCE
WITH THE HELP OF GOD.
AND I HAVE SOUGHT SUCH GUIDANCE
AND SEARCHED MY OWN CONSCIENCE
AND I HAVE SOUGHT SUCH GUIDANCE
AND SEARCHED MY OWN CONSCIENCE
WITH SPECIAL DILIGENCE TO
AND SEARCHED MY OWN CONSCIENCE
WITH SPECIAL DILIGENCE TO
DETERMINE THE RIGHT THING FOR ME
WITH SPECIAL DILIGENCE TO
DETERMINE THE RIGHT THING FOR ME
TO DO WITH RESPECT TO MY
DETERMINE THE RIGHT THING FOR ME
TO DO WITH RESPECT TO MY
PREDECESSOR IN THIS PLACE,
TO DO WITH RESPECT TO MY
PREDECESSOR IN THIS PLACE,
RICHARD NIXON, AND HIS LOYAL
PREDECESSOR IN THIS PLACE,
RICHARD NIXON, AND HIS LOYAL
WIFE AND FAMILY.
RICHARD NIXON, AND HIS LOYAL
WIFE AND FAMILY.
I DEEPLY BELIEVE IN EQUAL
WIFE AND FAMILY.
I DEEPLY BELIEVE IN EQUAL
JUSTICE FOR ALL AMERICANS.
I DEEPLY BELIEVE IN EQUAL
JUSTICE FOR ALL AMERICANS.
NOW, THEREFORE, I,
JUSTICE FOR ALL AMERICANS.
NOW, THEREFORE, I,
GERALD R. FORD, PRESIDENT OF THE
NOW, THEREFORE, I,
GERALD R. FORD, PRESIDENT OF THE
UNITED STATES, PURSUANT TO THE
GERALD R. FORD, PRESIDENT OF THE
UNITED STATES, PURSUANT TO THE
PARDON POWER CONFERRED UPON ME
UNITED STATES, PURSUANT TO THE
PARDON POWER CONFERRED UPON ME
BY ARTICLE 2, SECTION 2, OF THE
PARDON POWER CONFERRED UPON ME
BY ARTICLE 2, SECTION 2, OF THE
CONSTITUTION, HAVE GRANTED AND
BY ARTICLE 2, SECTION 2, OF THE
CONSTITUTION, HAVE GRANTED AND
BY THESE PRESENTS DO GRANT A
CONSTITUTION, HAVE GRANTED AND
BY THESE PRESENTS DO GRANT A
FULL, FREE, AND ABSOLUTE PARDON
BY THESE PRESENTS DO GRANT A
FULL, FREE, AND ABSOLUTE PARDON
UNTO RICHARD NIXON FOR ALL
FULL, FREE, AND ABSOLUTE PARDON
UNTO RICHARD NIXON FOR ALL
OFFENSES AGAINST THE
UNTO RICHARD NIXON FOR ALL
OFFENSES AGAINST THE
UNITED STATES WHICH HE,
OFFENSES AGAINST THE
UNITED STATES WHICH HE,
RICHARD NIXON, HAS COMMITTED OR
UNITED STATES WHICH HE,
RICHARD NIXON, HAS COMMITTED OR
MAY HAVE COMMITTED OR TAKEN PART
RICHARD NIXON, HAS COMMITTED OR
MAY HAVE COMMITTED OR TAKEN PART
IN DURING THE PERIOD FROM
MAY HAVE COMMITTED OR TAKEN PART
IN DURING THE PERIOD FROM
JULY 20, 1969 THROUGH AUGUST 9,
IN DURING THE PERIOD FROM
JULY 20, 1969 THROUGH AUGUST 9,
1974.
FOUR MORE YEARS.
STILL TO COME, THE
PRESIDENTIAL MOTORCADE MAKES A
PIT STOP, AFTER THIS MESSAGE.
PRESIDENTIAL MOTORCADE MAKES A
PIT STOP, AFTER THIS MESSAGE.
WITCHES, WARLOCKS, CONJURERS,
PIT STOP, AFTER THIS MESSAGE.
WITCHES, WARLOCKS, CONJURERS,
SORCERERS, BLACK MAGICIANS,
WITCHES, WARLOCKS, CONJURERS,
SORCERERS, BLACK MAGICIANS,
WHITE MAGICIANS, ARE YOU HAVING
SORCERERS, BLACK MAGICIANS,
WHITE MAGICIANS, ARE YOU HAVING
TROUBLE MIXING YOUR POTIONS IN
WHITE MAGICIANS, ARE YOU HAVING
TROUBLE MIXING YOUR POTIONS IN
TIME FOR THE WINTER SOLSTICE?
TROUBLE MIXING YOUR POTIONS IN
TIME FOR THE WINTER SOLSTICE?
IS YOUR SORCERY GETTING HUNG UP
TIME FOR THE WINTER SOLSTICE?
IS YOUR SORCERY GETTING HUNG UP
BECAUSE OF THE HOURS YOU SPEND
IS YOUR SORCERY GETTING HUNG UP
BECAUSE OF THE HOURS YOU SPEND
MIXING AND BLENDING YOUR
BECAUSE OF THE HOURS YOU SPEND
MIXING AND BLENDING YOUR
REMEDIES?
MIXING AND BLENDING YOUR
REMEDIES?
THEN YOU NEED ROVCO'S AMAZING
REMEDIES?
THEN YOU NEED ROVCO'S AMAZING
NEW WITCH'S AID, THE SUPER
THEN YOU NEED ROVCO'S AMAZING
NEW WITCH'S AID, THE SUPER
BAT-O-MATIC '77!
NEW WITCH'S AID, THE SUPER
BAT-O-MATIC '77!
YOU NEVER HAVE TO USE MORTAR,
BAT-O-MATIC '77!
YOU NEVER HAVE TO USE MORTAR,
PESTLE, OR CAULDRON AGAIN.
YOU NEVER HAVE TO USE MORTAR,
PESTLE, OR CAULDRON AGAIN.
SUPER-BAT-O-MATIC CUTS, CHOPS,
PESTLE, OR CAULDRON AGAIN.
SUPER-BAT-O-MATIC CUTS, CHOPS,
SLICES, DICES, MIXES, AND BLENDS
SUPER-BAT-O-MATIC CUTS, CHOPS,
SLICES, DICES, MIXES, AND BLENDS
HERBS, PLANTS, TWIGS, SPRIGS,
SLICES, DICES, MIXES, AND BLENDS
HERBS, PLANTS, TWIGS, SPRIGS,
LEAVES, BRANCHES, CLAWS, TEETH,
HERBS, PLANTS, TWIGS, SPRIGS,
LEAVES, BRANCHES, CLAWS, TEETH,
EYES, EARS, SKIN, HAIR, BLOOD,
LEAVES, BRANCHES, CLAWS, TEETH,
EYES, EARS, SKIN, HAIR, BLOOD,
FLIES, INSECTS, LIMBS, AND
EYES, EARS, SKIN, HAIR, BLOOD,
FLIES, INSECTS, LIMBS, AND
ORGANS OF ALL KINDS, TOADS,
FLIES, INSECTS, LIMBS, AND
ORGANS OF ALL KINDS, TOADS,
LIZARDS, NEWTS, MICE, RATS, AND
ORGANS OF ALL KINDS, TOADS,
LIZARDS, NEWTS, MICE, RATS, AND
BATS FASTER THAN YOU CAN KNIFE A
LIZARDS, NEWTS, MICE, RATS, AND
BATS FASTER THAN YOU CAN KNIFE A
GOAT.
BATS FASTER THAN YOU CAN KNIFE A
GOAT.
TAKE THIS 11th-CENTURY REMEDY
GOAT.
TAKE THIS 11th-CENTURY REMEDY
FROM THE KEY OF ALCAZAR...
TAKE THIS 11th-CENTURY REMEDY
FROM THE KEY OF ALCAZAR...
POTION TO WIN LOVE AND SHRINK
FROM THE KEY OF ALCAZAR...
POTION TO WIN LOVE AND SHRINK
HIVES.
POTION TO WIN LOVE AND SHRINK
HIVES.
FEATHER OF A YOUNG HAWK, BELLY
HIVES.
FEATHER OF A YOUNG HAWK, BELLY
OF A FLY, BLOOD, BILE OF AN OX,
FEATHER OF A YOUNG HAWK, BELLY
OF A FLY, BLOOD, BILE OF AN OX,
A LIZARD'S LUNG, SAY "SARAX,
OF A FLY, BLOOD, BILE OF AN OX,
A LIZARD'S LUNG, SAY "SARAX,
SARAX," AND YOUR WILL IS DONE.
A LIZARD'S LUNG, SAY "SARAX,
SARAX," AND YOUR WILL IS DONE.
SEVEN THREADS... A HANGMAN'S
SARAX," AND YOUR WILL IS DONE.
SEVEN THREADS... A HANGMAN'S
GARMENT... BASIL, WOLFSBANE, AND
SEVEN THREADS... A HANGMAN'S
GARMENT... BASIL, WOLFSBANE, AND
A SHOOT OF WINTERMINT.
GARMENT... BASIL, WOLFSBANE, AND
A SHOOT OF WINTERMINT.
TO THIS, ADD THE EYE OF A RAT
A SHOOT OF WINTERMINT.
TO THIS, ADD THE EYE OF A RAT
AND MIX IN THE BODY OF ONE WHOLE
TO THIS, ADD THE EYE OF A RAT
AND MIX IN THE BODY OF ONE WHOLE
BAT.
AND MIX IN THE BODY OF ONE WHOLE
BAT.
YES, MIX IN THE BODY OF ONE
BAT.
YES, MIX IN THE BODY OF ONE
WHOLE BAT.
YES, MIX IN THE BODY OF ONE
WHOLE BAT.
REMEMBER WHAT A CHORE THAT USED
WHOLE BAT.
REMEMBER WHAT A CHORE THAT USED
TO BE?
REMEMBER WHAT A CHORE THAT USED
TO BE?
NOW IT'S FAST, AND IT'S EASY
TO BE?
NOW IT'S FAST, AND IT'S EASY
WITH ROVCO'S BAT-O-MATIC!
NOW IT'S FAST, AND IT'S EASY
WITH ROVCO'S BAT-O-MATIC!
HERE'S HOW IT WORKS.
[CHANTING]
WOW, THAT'S GREAT BAT!
AND A GREAT POTION, TOO.
I'M IN LOVE, AND MY HIVES ARE
AND A GREAT POTION, TOO.
I'M IN LOVE, AND MY HIVES ARE
CURED!
I'M IN LOVE, AND MY HIVES ARE
CURED!
WITH BAT-O-MATIC, YOU CAN
CURED!
WITH BAT-O-MATIC, YOU CAN
PREPARE AS MANY BAT-BASED
WITH BAT-O-MATIC, YOU CAN
PREPARE AS MANY BAT-BASED
POTIONS AS YOU LIKE WITHOUT
PREPARE AS MANY BAT-BASED
POTIONS AS YOU LIKE WITHOUT
POUNDING, GRINDING, OR MIXING BY
POTIONS AS YOU LIKE WITHOUT
POUNDING, GRINDING, OR MIXING BY
HAND.
POUNDING, GRINDING, OR MIXING BY
HAND.
THROW AWAY THAT MORTAR, PESTLE,
HAND.
THROW AWAY THAT MORTAR, PESTLE,
AND CAULDRON!
THROW AWAY THAT MORTAR, PESTLE,
AND CAULDRON!
GET THE SUPER BAT-O-MATIC '77!
AND CAULDRON!
GET THE SUPER BAT-O-MATIC '77!
IT WORKS LIKE MAGIC!
GET THE SUPER BAT-O-MATIC '77!
IT WORKS LIKE MAGIC!
Announcer: BAT-O-MATIC... AT
IT WORKS LIKE MAGIC!
Announcer: BAT-O-MATIC... AT
ALCHEMISTS EVERYWHERE!
THIS ITEM JUST IN.
♪ ZIP-A-DEE-DOO-DAH ♪
♪ ZIP-A-DEE-AY ♪
♪ ZIP-A-DEE-DOO-DAH ♪
♪ ZIP-A-DEE-AY ♪
♪ MY... ♪
♪ ZIP-A-DEE-AY ♪
♪ MY... ♪
I'M SORRY.
♪ MY... ♪
I'M SORRY.
AND NOW HERE IS CORRESPONDENT
I'M SORRY.
AND NOW HERE IS CORRESPONDENT
JANE CURTIN WITH
AND NOW HERE IS CORRESPONDENT
JANE CURTIN WITH
"PEOPLE IN THE NEWS."
JANE CURTIN WITH
"PEOPLE IN THE NEWS."
THANK YOU, CHEVY.
"PEOPLE IN THE NEWS."
THANK YOU, CHEVY.
IN "PEOPLE IN THE NEWS" TONIGHT,
THANK YOU, CHEVY.
IN "PEOPLE IN THE NEWS" TONIGHT,
ACTOR SAMMY DAVIS JR. HAD A
IN "PEOPLE IN THE NEWS" TONIGHT,
ACTOR SAMMY DAVIS JR. HAD A
CLOSE CALL WITH DEATH WHEN HIS
ACTOR SAMMY DAVIS JR. HAD A
CLOSE CALL WITH DEATH WHEN HIS
TURQUOISE NECKLACE ACCIDENTALLY
CLOSE CALL WITH DEATH WHEN HIS
TURQUOISE NECKLACE ACCIDENTALLY
BECAME TANGLED WITH HIS WRIST
TURQUOISE NECKLACE ACCIDENTALLY
BECAME TANGLED WITH HIS WRIST
AND ANKLE BRACELETS DURING A
BECAME TANGLED WITH HIS WRIST
AND ANKLE BRACELETS DURING A
FAKE-LAUGHTER REHEARSAL LAST
AND ANKLE BRACELETS DURING A
FAKE-LAUGHTER REHEARSAL LAST
NIGHT IN LAS VEGAS.
FAKE-LAUGHTER REHEARSAL LAST
NIGHT IN LAS VEGAS.
WARREN BEATTY HAS SIGNED TO DO A
NIGHT IN LAS VEGAS.
WARREN BEATTY HAS SIGNED TO DO A
SEQUEL TO "SHAMPOO."
WARREN BEATTY HAS SIGNED TO DO A
SEQUEL TO "SHAMPOO."
THE ORIGINAL TITLE WAS TO BE
SEQUEL TO "SHAMPOO."
THE ORIGINAL TITLE WAS TO BE
"BLOW DRY" BUT HAS BEEN
THE ORIGINAL TITLE WAS TO BE
"BLOW DRY" BUT HAS BEEN
TENTATIVELY CHANGED TO
"BLOW DRY" BUT HAS BEEN
TENTATIVELY CHANGED TO
"OLDER AND SOFTER."
TENTATIVELY CHANGED TO
"OLDER AND SOFTER."
BUT THE BIG NEWS IS, OF COURSE,
"OLDER AND SOFTER."
BUT THE BIG NEWS IS, OF COURSE,
THAT "SATURDAY NIGHT" STAR
BUT THE BIG NEWS IS, OF COURSE,
THAT "SATURDAY NIGHT" STAR
CHEVY CHASE IS LEAVING THE
THAT "SATURDAY NIGHT" STAR
CHEVY CHASE IS LEAVING THE
TASTELESS LATE-NIGHT SHOW TO
CHEVY CHASE IS LEAVING THE
TASTELESS LATE-NIGHT SHOW TO
REPLACE JOHNNY CARSON ON
TASTELESS LATE-NIGHT SHOW TO
REPLACE JOHNNY CARSON ON
"THE TONIGHT SHOW" IN HOLLYWOOD.
REPLACE JOHNNY CARSON ON
"THE TONIGHT SHOW" IN HOLLYWOOD.
CARSON, STEPPING DOWN AFTER
"THE TONIGHT SHOW" IN HOLLYWOOD.
CARSON, STEPPING DOWN AFTER
ALMOST 15 YEARS, SAYS HE JUST
CARSON, STEPPING DOWN AFTER
ALMOST 15 YEARS, SAYS HE JUST
WANTS TO RELAX NOW, DO A LITTLE
ALMOST 15 YEARS, SAYS HE JUST
WANTS TO RELAX NOW, DO A LITTLE
TRAVELING AND DRINKING, AND READ
WANTS TO RELAX NOW, DO A LITTLE
TRAVELING AND DRINKING, AND READ
MONTY HALL'S BOOK AGAIN.
TRAVELING AND DRINKING, AND READ
MONTY HALL'S BOOK AGAIN.
CHASE SAYS HE'S LOOKING FORWARD
MONTY HALL'S BOOK AGAIN.
CHASE SAYS HE'S LOOKING FORWARD
TO INTERVIEWING SELF-INDULGENT
CHASE SAYS HE'S LOOKING FORWARD
TO INTERVIEWING SELF-INDULGENT
LAS VEGAS PERFORMERS AND
TO INTERVIEWING SELF-INDULGENT
LAS VEGAS PERFORMERS AND
MEANINGLESS PERSONALITIES EVERY
LAS VEGAS PERFORMERS AND
MEANINGLESS PERSONALITIES EVERY
SINGLE DAY FOR THE NEXT 10
MEANINGLESS PERSONALITIES EVERY
SINGLE DAY FOR THE NEXT 10
YEARS.
SINGLE DAY FOR THE NEXT 10
YEARS.
HE CONSIDERS IT A CHALLENGE AND
YEARS.
HE CONSIDERS IT A CHALLENGE AND
AN IMPORTANT STEP IN THE
HE CONSIDERS IT A CHALLENGE AND
AN IMPORTANT STEP IN THE
COMMUNICATIONS FIELD.
AN IMPORTANT STEP IN THE
COMMUNICATIONS FIELD.
AND THAT'S "PEOPLE IN THE NEWS."
COMMUNICATIONS FIELD.
AND THAT'S "PEOPLE IN THE NEWS."
THANK YOU, JANE.
AND THAT'S "PEOPLE IN THE NEWS."
THANK YOU, JANE.
WELL, THIS WEEK, THE TV NETWORKS
THANK YOU, JANE.
WELL, THIS WEEK, THE TV NETWORKS
ANNOUNCED THAT
WELL, THIS WEEK, THE TV NETWORKS
ANNOUNCED THAT
"THE BILL COSBY SHOW,"
ANNOUNCED THAT
"THE BILL COSBY SHOW,"
"BALL FOUR," "SPENCER'S PILOTS,"
"THE BILL COSBY SHOW,"
"BALL FOUR," "SPENCER'S PILOTS,"
"MR. T AND TINA," AND
"BALL FOUR," "SPENCER'S PILOTS,"
"MR. T AND TINA," AND
"GEMINI MAN"...
"MR. T AND TINA," AND
"GEMINI MAN"...
AND NOW, WEEKEND UPDATE'S GAME
"GEMINI MAN"...
AND NOW, WEEKEND UPDATE'S GAME
OF THE WEEK.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
HELLO?
HELLO?
HELLO?
HELLO?
WHO?
HELLO?
WHO?
OH, YES, I'LL ACCEPT THE
WHO?
OH, YES, I'LL ACCEPT THE
CHARGES.
OH, YES, I'LL ACCEPT THE
CHARGES.
HI, FRANCISCO, HOW ARE YOU?
CHARGES.
HI, FRANCISCO, HOW ARE YOU?
HOW'S YOUR BACK?
HI, FRANCISCO, HOW ARE YOU?
HOW'S YOUR BACK?
GOOD.
HOW'S YOUR BACK?
GOOD.
NO, I'LL PROBABLY BE BACK AND
GOOD.
NO, I'LL PROBABLY BE BACK AND
FORTH.
NO, I'LL PROBABLY BE BACK AND
FORTH.
YOU KNOW HOW IT IS.
FORTH.
YOU KNOW HOW IT IS.
WELL, YOU JUST, UH, PUT YOUR
YOU KNOW HOW IT IS.
WELL, YOU JUST, UH, PUT YOUR
LEGS UNDER A PILLOW.
WELL, YOU JUST, UH, PUT YOUR
LEGS UNDER A PILLOW.
YOU'LL FEEL MUCH BETTER.
LEGS UNDER A PILLOW.
YOU'LL FEEL MUCH BETTER.
UH-HUH.
YOU'LL FEEL MUCH BETTER.
UH-HUH.
WELL, IT'S GOOD TALKING TO YOU,
UH-HUH.
WELL, IT'S GOOD TALKING TO YOU,
YES.
WELL, IT'S GOOD TALKING TO YOU,
YES.
SHALL WE SEND YOU AN ABSENTEE
YES.
SHALL WE SEND YOU AN ABSENTEE
BALLOT?
SHALL WE SEND YOU AN ABSENTEE
BALLOT?
OKAY, SO LONG NOW.
BALLOT?
OKAY, SO LONG NOW.
WELL, THE ELECTION IS ALL BUT
OKAY, SO LONG NOW.
WELL, THE ELECTION IS ALL BUT
UPON US, AND IT'S AN IMPORTANT
WELL, THE ELECTION IS ALL BUT
UPON US, AND IT'S AN IMPORTANT
ELECTION.
IN THE PAST WEEKEND...
OR IN THE PAST, WEEKEND UPDATE
HAS MAINTAINED A PROFESSIONAL
OBJECTIVITY ABOUT MAJOR EVENTS
OF THE WORLD, NEVER TAKING
SIDES, ALWAYS ENDEAVORING TO
PRESENT ALL PERSPECTIVES ON ALL
THE ISSUES REGARDLESS OF
PERSONAL FEELINGS.
FOR THIS REASON, IN KEEPING WITH
OUR POLICY OF FAIRNESS, WE WILL
NOT ENDORSE EITHER OF THE
CANDIDATES FOR THE PRESIDENCY.
AND THAT'S THE NEWS TONIGHT.
THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.
GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A PLEASANT
BREAKFAST.
MY SPECIAL GUESTS THIS
EVENING HAVE BEEN ON THE ROAD AS
A TOURING BAND FOR OVER 16
EVENING HAVE BEEN ON THE ROAD AS
A TOURING BAND FOR OVER 16
YEARS.
A TOURING BAND FOR OVER 16
YEARS.
THIS THANKSGIVING, THEY WILL BE
YEARS.
THIS THANKSGIVING, THEY WILL BE
DOING THEIR LAST LIVE
THIS THANKSGIVING, THEY WILL BE
DOING THEIR LAST LIVE
PERFORMANCE, AND WE ARE VERY
DOING THEIR LAST LIVE
PERFORMANCE, AND WE ARE VERY
HONORED TO HAVE THEM HERE
PERFORMANCE, AND WE ARE VERY
HONORED TO HAVE THEM HERE
TONIGHT.
HONORED TO HAVE THEM HERE
TONIGHT.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE BAND.
TONIGHT.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE BAND.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE BAND.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[INTRO TO "LIFE IS A CARNIVAL"
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[INTRO TO "LIFE IS A CARNIVAL"
PLAYS]
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE WATER ♪
♪ DROWN IN THE SAND ♪
♪ YOU CAN FLY OFF A MOUNTAINTOP
♪ DROWN IN THE SAND ♪
♪ YOU CAN FLY OFF A MOUNTAINTOP
IF ANYBODY CAN ♪
♪ YOU CAN FLY OFF A MOUNTAINTOP
IF ANYBODY CAN ♪
♪ RUN AWAY ♪
IF ANYBODY CAN ♪
♪ RUN AWAY ♪
♪ RUN AWAY ♪
♪ RUN AWAY ♪
♪ RUN AWAY ♪
♪ RUN AWAY ♪
♪ RUN AWAY ♪
♪ RUN AWAY ♪
♪ RUN AWAY ♪
♪ RUN AWAY ♪
♪ RUN AWAY ♪
♪ IT'S A RESTLESS AGE ♪
♪ RUN AWAY ♪
♪ IT'S A RESTLESS AGE ♪
♪ LOOK AWAY ♪
♪ IT'S A RESTLESS AGE ♪
♪ LOOK AWAY ♪
♪ LOOK AWAY ♪
♪ LOOK AWAY ♪
♪ LOOK AWAY ♪
♪ LOOK AWAY ♪
♪ LOOK AWAY ♪
♪ LOOK AWAY ♪
♪ LOOK AWAY ♪
♪ LOOK AWAY ♪
♪ LOOK AWAY ♪
♪ YOU CAN TURN THE PAGE ♪
♪ LOOK AWAY ♪
♪ YOU CAN TURN THE PAGE ♪
♪ HEY, BUDDY, WOULD YOU LIKE TO
♪ YOU CAN TURN THE PAGE ♪
♪ HEY, BUDDY, WOULD YOU LIKE TO
BUY A WATCH REAL CHEAP ♪
♪ HEY, BUDDY, WOULD YOU LIKE TO
BUY A WATCH REAL CHEAP ♪
♪ HERE ON THE STREET? ♪
BUY A WATCH REAL CHEAP ♪
♪ HERE ON THE STREET? ♪
♪ I GOT SIX ON EACH ARM ♪
♪ HERE ON THE STREET? ♪
♪ I GOT SIX ON EACH ARM ♪
♪ AND TWO MORE AROUND MY FEET ♪
♪ I GOT SIX ON EACH ARM ♪
♪ AND TWO MORE AROUND MY FEET ♪
♪ LIFE IS A CARNIVAL ♪
♪ AND TWO MORE AROUND MY FEET ♪
♪ LIFE IS A CARNIVAL ♪
♪ BELIEVE IT OR NOT ♪
♪ LIFE IS A CARNIVAL ♪
♪ BELIEVE IT OR NOT ♪
♪ LIFE IS A CARNIVAL ♪
♪ BELIEVE IT OR NOT ♪
♪ LIFE IS A CARNIVAL ♪
♪ TWO BITS A SHOT ♪
♪ SAW A MAN WITH A JINX ♪
♪ IN THE THIRD DEGREE ♪
♪ TRYING TO DEAL WITH PEOPLE ♪
♪ IN THE THIRD DEGREE ♪
♪ TRYING TO DEAL WITH PEOPLE ♪
♪ PEOPLE THAT YOU CAN'T SEE ♪
♪ TRYING TO DEAL WITH PEOPLE ♪
♪ PEOPLE THAT YOU CAN'T SEE ♪
♪ TAKE AWAY ♪
♪ PEOPLE THAT YOU CAN'T SEE ♪
♪ TAKE AWAY ♪
♪ TAKE AWAY ♪
♪ TAKE AWAY ♪
♪ TAKE AWAY ♪
♪ TAKE AWAY ♪
♪ TAKE AWAY ♪
♪ TAKE AWAY ♪
♪ TAKE AWAY ♪
♪ TAKE AWAY ♪
♪ TAKE AWAY ♪
♪ THIS HOUSE OF MIRRORS ♪
♪ TAKE AWAY ♪
♪ THIS HOUSE OF MIRRORS ♪
♪ GIVE AWAY ♪
♪ THIS HOUSE OF MIRRORS ♪
♪ GIVE AWAY ♪
♪ GIVE AWAY ♪
♪ GIVE AWAY ♪
♪ GIVE AWAY ♪
♪ GIVE AWAY ♪
♪ GIVE AWAY ♪
♪ GIVE AWAY ♪
♪ GIVE AWAY ♪
♪ GIVE AWAY ♪
♪ GIVE AWAY ♪
♪ ALL THE SOUVENIRS ♪
♪ GIVE AWAY ♪
♪ ALL THE SOUVENIRS ♪
♪ WE'RE ALL IN THE SAME BOAT ♪
♪ ALL THE SOUVENIRS ♪
♪ WE'RE ALL IN THE SAME BOAT ♪
♪ READY TO FLOAT OFF THE EDGE OF
♪ WE'RE ALL IN THE SAME BOAT ♪
♪ READY TO FLOAT OFF THE EDGE OF
THE WORLD ♪
♪ READY TO FLOAT OFF THE EDGE OF
THE WORLD ♪
♪ A FLAT OLD WORLD ♪
THE WORLD ♪
♪ A FLAT OLD WORLD ♪
♪ THE STREET IS A SIDESHOW FROM
♪ A FLAT OLD WORLD ♪
♪ THE STREET IS A SIDESHOW FROM
THE PEDDLER TO THE CORNER GIRL ♪
♪ THE STREET IS A SIDESHOW FROM
THE PEDDLER TO THE CORNER GIRL ♪
♪ LIFE IS A CARNIVAL ♪
THE PEDDLER TO THE CORNER GIRL ♪
♪ LIFE IS A CARNIVAL ♪
♪ IT'S IN THE BOOK ♪
♪ LIFE IS A CARNIVAL ♪
♪ IT'S IN THE BOOK ♪
♪ LIFE IS A CARNIVAL ♪
♪ IT'S IN THE BOOK ♪
♪ LIFE IS A CARNIVAL ♪
♪ TAKE ANOTHER LOOK ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[INTRO TO "THE NIGHT THEY DROVE
OLD DIXIE DOWN" PLAYS]
♪ VIRGIL CAINE IS THE NAME, AND
[OLD DIXIE DOWN" PLAYS]
♪ VIRGIL CAINE IS THE NAME, AND
I SERVED ON THE DANVILLE TRAIN ♪
♪ VIRGIL CAINE IS THE NAME, AND
I SERVED ON THE DANVILLE TRAIN ♪
♪ TILL STONEWALL'S CAVALRY CAME
I SERVED ON THE DANVILLE TRAIN ♪
♪ TILL STONEWALL'S CAVALRY CAME
AND THEY TORE UP THE TRACKS
♪ TILL STONEWALL'S CAVALRY CAME
AND THEY TORE UP THE TRACKS
AGAIN ♪
AND THEY TORE UP THE TRACKS
AGAIN ♪
♪ IN THE WINTER OF '65, WE WERE
AGAIN ♪
♪ IN THE WINTER OF '65, WE WERE
HUNGRY ♪
♪ IN THE WINTER OF '65, WE WERE
HUNGRY ♪
♪ JUST BARELY ALIVE ♪
HUNGRY ♪
♪ JUST BARELY ALIVE ♪
♪ BY MAY 10th, RICHMOND FELL ♪
♪ JUST BARELY ALIVE ♪
♪ BY MAY 10th, RICHMOND FELL ♪
♪ IT'S A TIME I REMEMBER, OH, SO
♪ BY MAY 10th, RICHMOND FELL ♪
♪ IT'S A TIME I REMEMBER, OH, SO
WELL ♪
♪ IT'S A TIME I REMEMBER, OH, SO
WELL ♪
♪ THE NIGHT THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE
WELL ♪
♪ THE NIGHT THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE
DOWN ♪
♪ THE NIGHT THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE
DOWN ♪
♪ WHEN ALL THE BELLS WERE
DOWN ♪
♪ WHEN ALL THE BELLS WERE
RINGING ♪
♪ WHEN ALL THE BELLS WERE
RINGING ♪
♪ THE NIGHT THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE
RINGING ♪
♪ THE NIGHT THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE
DOWN ♪
♪ THE NIGHT THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE
DOWN ♪
♪ AND ALL THE PEOPLE WERE
DOWN ♪
♪ AND ALL THE PEOPLE WERE
SINGING ♪
♪ AND ALL THE PEOPLE WERE
SINGING ♪
♪ THEY WENT, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA,
SINGING ♪
♪ THEY WENT, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA,
NA, NA ♪
♪ THEY WENT, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA,
NA, NA ♪
♪ NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA ♪
NA, NA ♪
♪ NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA ♪
♪ BACK WITH MY WIFE IN
♪ NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA ♪
♪ BACK WITH MY WIFE IN
TENNESSEE ♪
♪ BACK WITH MY WIFE IN
TENNESSEE ♪
♪ WHEN ONE DAY SHE CALLED TO
TENNESSEE ♪
♪ WHEN ONE DAY SHE CALLED TO
ME ♪
♪ WHEN ONE DAY SHE CALLED TO
ME ♪
♪ SAID, "VIRGIL, QUICK, COME AND
ME ♪
♪ SAID, "VIRGIL, QUICK, COME AND
SEE ♪
♪ SAID, "VIRGIL, QUICK, COME AND
SEE ♪
♪ THERE GOES ROBERT E. LEE" ♪
SEE ♪
♪ THERE GOES ROBERT E. LEE" ♪
♪ NOW I DON'T MIND CHOPPING
♪ THERE GOES ROBERT E. LEE" ♪
♪ NOW I DON'T MIND CHOPPING
WOOD ♪
♪ NOW I DON'T MIND CHOPPING
WOOD ♪
♪ AND I DON'T CARE IF THE
WOOD ♪
♪ AND I DON'T CARE IF THE
MONEY'S NO GOOD ♪
♪ AND I DON'T CARE IF THE
MONEY'S NO GOOD ♪
♪ YOU TAKE WHAT YOU NEED, AND
MONEY'S NO GOOD ♪
♪ YOU TAKE WHAT YOU NEED, AND
YOU LEAVE THE REST ♪
♪ YOU TAKE WHAT YOU NEED, AND
YOU LEAVE THE REST ♪
♪ BUT THEY SHOULD NEVER HAVE
YOU LEAVE THE REST ♪
♪ BUT THEY SHOULD NEVER HAVE
TAKEN THE VERY BEST ♪
♪ BUT THEY SHOULD NEVER HAVE
TAKEN THE VERY BEST ♪
♪ THE NIGHT THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE
TAKEN THE VERY BEST ♪
♪ THE NIGHT THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE
DOWN ♪
♪ THE NIGHT THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE
DOWN ♪
♪ WHEN ALL THE BELLS WERE
DOWN ♪
♪ WHEN ALL THE BELLS WERE
RINGING ♪
♪ WHEN ALL THE BELLS WERE
RINGING ♪
♪ THE NIGHT THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE
RINGING ♪
♪ THE NIGHT THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE
DOWN ♪
♪ THE NIGHT THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE
DOWN ♪
♪ AND ALL THE PEOPLE WERE
DOWN ♪
♪ AND ALL THE PEOPLE WERE
SINGING ♪
♪ AND ALL THE PEOPLE WERE
SINGING ♪
♪ THEY WENT, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA,
SINGING ♪
♪ THEY WENT, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA,
NA, NA ♪
♪ THEY WENT, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA,
NA, NA ♪
♪ NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA ♪
♪ AND LIKE MY FATHER BEFORE ME ♪
♪ I WILL WORK THE LAND ♪
♪ AND LIKE MY BROTHER ABOVE ME ♪
♪ I WILL WORK THE LAND ♪
♪ AND LIKE MY BROTHER ABOVE ME ♪
♪ WHO TOOK A REBEL STAND ♪
♪ AND LIKE MY BROTHER ABOVE ME ♪
♪ WHO TOOK A REBEL STAND ♪
♪ HE WAS JUST 18, PROUD AND
♪ WHO TOOK A REBEL STAND ♪
♪ HE WAS JUST 18, PROUD AND
BRAVE ♪
♪ HE WAS JUST 18, PROUD AND
BRAVE ♪
♪ BUT A YANKEE A-LAID HIM IN HIS
BRAVE ♪
♪ BUT A YANKEE A-LAID HIM IN HIS
GRAVE ♪
♪ BUT A YANKEE A-LAID HIM IN HIS
GRAVE ♪
♪ AND I SWEAR BY THE MUD BELOW
GRAVE ♪
♪ AND I SWEAR BY THE MUD BELOW
MY FEET ♪
♪ AND I SWEAR BY THE MUD BELOW
MY FEET ♪
♪ YOU CAN'T RAISE A CAINE BACK
MY FEET ♪
♪ YOU CAN'T RAISE A CAINE BACK
UP WHEN HE'S IN DEFEAT ♪
♪ YOU CAN'T RAISE A CAINE BACK
UP WHEN HE'S IN DEFEAT ♪
♪ THE NIGHT THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE
UP WHEN HE'S IN DEFEAT ♪
♪ THE NIGHT THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE
DOWN ♪
♪ THE NIGHT THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE
DOWN ♪
♪ WHEN ALL THE BELLS WERE
DOWN ♪
♪ WHEN ALL THE BELLS WERE
RINGING ♪
♪ WHEN ALL THE BELLS WERE
RINGING ♪
♪ THE NIGHT THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE
RINGING ♪
♪ THE NIGHT THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE
DOWN ♪
♪ THE NIGHT THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE
DOWN ♪
♪ AND ALL THE PEOPLE WERE
DOWN ♪
♪ AND ALL THE PEOPLE WERE
SINGING ♪
♪ AND ALL THE PEOPLE WERE
SINGING ♪
♪ THEY WENT, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA,
SINGING ♪
♪ THEY WENT, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA,
NA, NA ♪
♪ THEY WENT, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA,
NA, NA ♪
♪ NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[INTRO TO "STAGE FRIGHT"
PLAYS]
♪ NOW DEEP IN THE HEART OF A
LONELY KID ♪
♪ WHO SUFFERED SO MUCH FOR WHAT
LONELY KID ♪
♪ WHO SUFFERED SO MUCH FOR WHAT
HE DID ♪
♪ WHO SUFFERED SO MUCH FOR WHAT
HE DID ♪
♪ THEY GAVE THIS POOR BOY HIS
HE DID ♪
♪ THEY GAVE THIS POOR BOY HIS
FORTUNE AND FAME ♪
♪ THEY GAVE THIS POOR BOY HIS
FORTUNE AND FAME ♪
♪ SINCE THAT DAY, HE AIN'T BEEN
FORTUNE AND FAME ♪
♪ SINCE THAT DAY, HE AIN'T BEEN
THE SAME ♪
♪ SINCE THAT DAY, HE AIN'T BEEN
THE SAME ♪
♪ SEE THE MAN WITH THE STAGE
THE SAME ♪
♪ SEE THE MAN WITH THE STAGE
FRIGHT ♪
♪ SEE THE MAN WITH THE STAGE
FRIGHT ♪
♪ JUST STANDING UP THERE TO GIVE
FRIGHT ♪
♪ JUST STANDING UP THERE TO GIVE
IT ALL HIS MIGHT ♪
♪ JUST STANDING UP THERE TO GIVE
IT ALL HIS MIGHT ♪
♪ HE GOT CAUGHT IN THE
IT ALL HIS MIGHT ♪
♪ HE GOT CAUGHT IN THE
SPOTLIGHT ♪
♪ HE GOT CAUGHT IN THE
SPOTLIGHT ♪
♪ BUT WHEN WE GETS TO THE END ♪
SPOTLIGHT ♪
♪ BUT WHEN WE GETS TO THE END ♪
♪ HE WANTS TO START ALL OVER
♪ BUT WHEN WE GETS TO THE END ♪
♪ HE WANTS TO START ALL OVER
AGAIN ♪
♪ HE WANTS TO START ALL OVER
AGAIN ♪
♪ I'VE GOT FIREWATER RIGHT ON
AGAIN ♪
♪ I'VE GOT FIREWATER RIGHT ON
MY BREATH ♪
♪ I'VE GOT FIREWATER RIGHT ON
MY BREATH ♪
♪ AND THE DOCTOR WARNED ME I
MY BREATH ♪
♪ AND THE DOCTOR WARNED ME I
MIGHT CATCH A DEATH ♪
♪ AND THE DOCTOR WARNED ME I
MIGHT CATCH A DEATH ♪
♪ HE SAID, "YOU CAN MAKE IT IN
MIGHT CATCH A DEATH ♪
♪ HE SAID, "YOU CAN MAKE IT IN
YOUR DISGUISE ♪
♪ HE SAID, "YOU CAN MAKE IT IN
YOUR DISGUISE ♪
♪ JUST NEVER SHOW THE FEAR
YOUR DISGUISE ♪
♪ JUST NEVER SHOW THE FEAR
THAT'S IN YOUR EYES ♪
♪ JUST NEVER SHOW THE FEAR
THAT'S IN YOUR EYES ♪
♪ SEE THE MAN WITH THE STAGE
THAT'S IN YOUR EYES ♪
♪ SEE THE MAN WITH THE STAGE
FRIGHT ♪
♪ SEE THE MAN WITH THE STAGE
FRIGHT ♪
♪ JUST STANDING UP THERE TO GIVE
FRIGHT ♪
♪ JUST STANDING UP THERE TO GIVE
IT ALL HIS MIGHT ♪
♪ JUST STANDING UP THERE TO GIVE
IT ALL HIS MIGHT ♪
♪ HE GOT CAUGHT IN THE
IT ALL HIS MIGHT ♪
♪ HE GOT CAUGHT IN THE
SPOTLIGHT ♪
♪ HE GOT CAUGHT IN THE
SPOTLIGHT ♪
♪ BUT WHEN WE GET TO THE END,
SPOTLIGHT ♪
♪ BUT WHEN WE GET TO THE END,
WELL, HE WANTS TO START ALL OVER
♪ BUT WHEN WE GET TO THE END,
WELL, HE WANTS TO START ALL OVER
AGAIN ♪
WELL, HE WANTS TO START ALL OVER
AGAIN ♪
♪ NOW IF HE SAYS THAT HE'S
AGAIN ♪
♪ NOW IF HE SAYS THAT HE'S
AFRAID ♪
♪ NOW IF HE SAYS THAT HE'S
AFRAID ♪
♪ WON'T YOU TAKE HIM AT HIS
AFRAID ♪
♪ WON'T YOU TAKE HIM AT HIS
WORD? ♪
♪ WON'T YOU TAKE HIM AT HIS
WORD? ♪
♪ AND FOR THE PRICE THAT THE
WORD? ♪
♪ AND FOR THE PRICE THAT THE
POOR BOY HAS PAID ♪
♪ AND FOR THE PRICE THAT THE
POOR BOY HAS PAID ♪
♪ HE GETS TO SING JUST LIKE A
POOR BOY HAS PAID ♪
♪ HE GETS TO SING JUST LIKE A
BIRD ♪
♪ HE GETS TO SING JUST LIKE A
BIRD ♪
♪ OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH ♪
♪ WHEN MY BROW IS SWEATING AND
MY MOUTH GETS DRY ♪
♪ FANCY PEOPLE GO DRIFTING BY ♪
MY MOUTH GETS DRY ♪
♪ FANCY PEOPLE GO DRIFTING BY ♪
♪ WELL, THE MOMENT OF TRUTH IS
♪ FANCY PEOPLE GO DRIFTING BY ♪
♪ WELL, THE MOMENT OF TRUTH IS
RIGHT AT HAND ♪
♪ WELL, THE MOMENT OF TRUTH IS
RIGHT AT HAND ♪
♪ JUST ONE MORE NIGHTMARE YOU
RIGHT AT HAND ♪
♪ JUST ONE MORE NIGHTMARE YOU
COULD STAND ♪
♪ JUST ONE MORE NIGHTMARE YOU
COULD STAND ♪
♪ SEE THE MAN WITH THE STAGE
COULD STAND ♪
♪ SEE THE MAN WITH THE STAGE
FRIGHT ♪
♪ SEE THE MAN WITH THE STAGE
FRIGHT ♪
♪ JUST STANDING UP THERE TO GIVE
FRIGHT ♪
♪ JUST STANDING UP THERE TO GIVE
IT ALL HIS MIGHT ♪
♪ JUST STANDING UP THERE TO GIVE
IT ALL HIS MIGHT ♪
♪ AND HE GOT CAUGHT IN THE
IT ALL HIS MIGHT ♪
♪ AND HE GOT CAUGHT IN THE
SPOTLIGHT ♪
♪ AND HE GOT CAUGHT IN THE
SPOTLIGHT ♪
♪ BUT WHEN WE GET TO THE END,
SPOTLIGHT ♪
♪ BUT WHEN WE GET TO THE END,
WELL, HE WANTS TO START ALL OVER
♪ BUT WHEN WE GET TO THE END,
WELL, HE WANTS TO START ALL OVER
AGAIN ♪
WELL, HE WANTS TO START ALL OVER
AGAIN ♪
♪ JUST START ALL OVER AGAIN ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
DAMIAN IS SUCH A STRANGE
LITTLE BOY.
EVEN HIS NAME IS STRANGE...
LITTLE BOY.
EVEN HIS NAME IS STRANGE...
DAMIAN.
EVEN HIS NAME IS STRANGE...
DAMIAN.
WHY DID YOU NAME HIM THAT?
DAMIAN.
WHY DID YOU NAME HIM THAT?
I DIDN'T NAME HIM THAT.
WHY DID YOU NAME HIM THAT?
I DIDN'T NAME HIM THAT.
I THOUGHT YOU NAMED HIM THAT.
I DIDN'T NAME HIM THAT.
I THOUGHT YOU NAMED HIM THAT.
NO, I DIDN'T.
I THOUGHT YOU NAMED HIM THAT.
NO, I DIDN'T.
HOW STRANGE.
NO, I DIDN'T.
HOW STRANGE.
YES.
HOW STRANGE.
YES.
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED HOW HE HAS
YES.
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED HOW HE HAS
THIS STRANGE, ALMOST DIABOLICAL
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED HOW HE HAS
THIS STRANGE, ALMOST DIABOLICAL
POWER OVER NANNY?
THIS STRANGE, ALMOST DIABOLICAL
POWER OVER NANNY?
YES.
POWER OVER NANNY?
YES.
IS SHE AFRAID OF HIM, OR HAS SHE
YES.
IS SHE AFRAID OF HIM, OR HAS SHE
ALWAYS SLEPT IN A BIBLE?
IS SHE AFRAID OF HIM, OR HAS SHE
ALWAYS SLEPT IN A BIBLE?
BY THE WAY, WHERE IS NANNY?
ALWAYS SLEPT IN A BIBLE?
BY THE WAY, WHERE IS NANNY?
[CLATTERING]
BY THE WAY, WHERE IS NANNY?
[CLATTERING]
I DON'T KNOW.
[CLATTERING]
I DON'T KNOW.
SHE MUST BE UPSTAIRS SOMEWHERE.
I DON'T KNOW.
SHE MUST BE UPSTAIRS SOMEWHERE.
AH!
SHE MUST BE UPSTAIRS SOMEWHERE.
AH!
THERE'S NANNY NOW!
AH!
THERE'S NANNY NOW!
WELL, I SUPPOSE WE'LL HAVE TO
THERE'S NANNY NOW!
WELL, I SUPPOSE WE'LL HAVE TO
GET A NEW NANNY.
WELL, I SUPPOSE WE'LL HAVE TO
GET A NEW NANNY.
I HATE IT WHEN NANNY HANGS
GET A NEW NANNY.
I HATE IT WHEN NANNY HANGS
HERSELF.
I HATE IT WHEN NANNY HANGS
HERSELF.
BUT THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN
HERSELF.
BUT THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN
YOU'RE AN AMBASSADOR.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
HELLO, I'M THE NEW NANNY...
MRS. BAYLOCK.
HELLO, I'M THE NEW NANNY...
MRS. BAYLOCK.
STAY, STUFFY.
MRS. BAYLOCK.
STAY, STUFFY.
PERHAPS I COULD GET ACQUAINTED
STAY, STUFFY.
PERHAPS I COULD GET ACQUAINTED
WITH DAMIAN IN MY OWN WAY.
PERHAPS I COULD GET ACQUAINTED
WITH DAMIAN IN MY OWN WAY.
SWELL!
WITH DAMIAN IN MY OWN WAY.
SWELL!
YES.
SWELL!
YES.
COME HERE, DAMIAN.
YES.
COME HERE, DAMIAN.
COME HERE, DARLING.
COME HERE, DAMIAN.
COME HERE, DARLING.
HAVE A LIVER SNAP!
COME HERE, DARLING.
HAVE A LIVER SNAP!
AH, I LIKE THE NEW NANNY.
HAVE A LIVER SNAP!
AH, I LIKE THE NEW NANNY.
ME, TOO.
AH, I LIKE THE NEW NANNY.
ME, TOO.
AMBASSADOR THORN!
ME, TOO.
AMBASSADOR THORN!
I'M FATHER GORGENHAVEN!
AMBASSADOR THORN!
I'M FATHER GORGENHAVEN!
I MUST TALK TO YOU!
I'M FATHER GORGENHAVEN!
I MUST TALK TO YOU!
FIRST, I'D LIKE TO EXPLAIN.
I MUST TALK TO YOU!
FIRST, I'D LIKE TO EXPLAIN.
IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE, BUT ON MY
FIRST, I'D LIKE TO EXPLAIN.
IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE, BUT ON MY
WAY OVER HERE TO WARN YOU, I WAS
IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE, BUT ON MY
WAY OVER HERE TO WARN YOU, I WAS
IMPALED ON THIS STANDING LAMP.
WAY OVER HERE TO WARN YOU, I WAS
IMPALED ON THIS STANDING LAMP.
CAN I GET YOU A DRINK?
IMPALED ON THIS STANDING LAMP.
CAN I GET YOU A DRINK?
NO, BUT I COULD USE SOME
CAN I GET YOU A DRINK?
NO, BUT I COULD USE SOME
MURINE.
NO, BUT I COULD USE SOME
MURINE.
RIGHT AWAY, FATHER.
MURINE.
RIGHT AWAY, FATHER.
FIND OUT WHERE HE GOT THAT
RIGHT AWAY, FATHER.
FIND OUT WHERE HE GOT THAT
TERRIFIC LAMP.
FIND OUT WHERE HE GOT THAT
TERRIFIC LAMP.
I SHALL.
TERRIFIC LAMP.
I SHALL.
AMBASSADOR THORN, YOUR WIFE
I SHALL.
AMBASSADOR THORN, YOUR WIFE
IS NOT YOUR SON'S MOTHER.
AMBASSADOR THORN, YOUR WIFE
IS NOT YOUR SON'S MOTHER.
I WITNESSED THE BIRTH.
IS NOT YOUR SON'S MOTHER.
I WITNESSED THE BIRTH.
I SAW IT WITH MY OWN EYE.
I WITNESSED THE BIRTH.
I SAW IT WITH MY OWN EYE.
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
I SAW IT WITH MY OWN EYE.
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
I'M SAYING THAT DAMIAN ISN'T
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
I'M SAYING THAT DAMIAN ISN'T
YOUR REAL SON.
I'M SAYING THAT DAMIAN ISN'T
YOUR REAL SON.
I SAW HIS MOTHER.
YOUR REAL SON.
I SAW HIS MOTHER.
SHE WAS A D...
I SAW HIS MOTHER.
SHE WAS A D...
FATHER?
SHE WAS A D...
FATHER?
FATHER?!
FATHER?
FATHER?!
HE WAS TRYING TO TELL ME
FATHER?!
HE WAS TRYING TO TELL ME
SOMETHING.
HE WAS TRYING TO TELL ME
SOMETHING.
DAMIAN'S REAL MOTHER WAS A D...
SOMETHING.
DAMIAN'S REAL MOTHER WAS A D...
A DOCKWORKER.
DAMIAN'S REAL MOTHER WAS A D...
A DOCKWORKER.
NO, A DOORMAN!
A DOCKWORKER.
NO, A DOORMAN!
UH... A DREADFUL PERSON.
NO, A DOORMAN!
UH... A DREADFUL PERSON.
UH, DILDO SHARPENER.
UH... A DREADFUL PERSON.
UH, DILDO SHARPENER.
NO, A DART... DRAMA...
UH, DILDO SHARPENER.
NO, A DART... DRAMA...
WE'LL NEVER KNOW.
NO, A DART... DRAMA...
WE'LL NEVER KNOW.
WAIT!
WE'LL NEVER KNOW.
WAIT!
I'M NOT DEAD YET!
WAIT!
I'M NOT DEAD YET!
LET ME PUT IT ANOTHER WAY.
I'M NOT DEAD YET!
LET ME PUT IT ANOTHER WAY.
DAMIAN HAD A DOG FOR A MO...
LET ME PUT IT ANOTHER WAY.
DAMIAN HAD A DOG FOR A MO...
"A DOG FOR A MO... "?
DAMIAN HAD A DOG FOR A MO...
"A DOG FOR A MO... "?
A DOG FOR A MILKMAID?
"A DOG FOR A MO... "?
A DOG FOR A MILKMAID?
A MOTH TRAINER?
A DOG FOR A MILKMAID?
A MOTH TRAINER?
A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR?
A MOTH TRAINER?
A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR?
WAIT A MINUTE, DAMIAN HAD A DOG
A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR?
WAIT A MINUTE, DAMIAN HAD A DOG
FOR A DART SHARPENER?
WAIT A MINUTE, DAMIAN HAD A DOG
FOR A DART SHARPENER?
DON'T DIE ON ME NOW, FATHER.
FOR A DART SHARPENER?
DON'T DIE ON ME NOW, FATHER.
I MUST KNOW... WHERE IS DAMIAN'S
DON'T DIE ON ME NOW, FATHER.
I MUST KNOW... WHERE IS DAMIAN'S
REAL MOTHER?
I MUST KNOW... WHERE IS DAMIAN'S
REAL MOTHER?
IN THE CEMETERY OF
REAL MOTHER?
IN THE CEMETERY OF
SANTA DIANGELO!
IN THE CEMETERY OF
SANTA DIANGELO!
AH.
SANTA DIANGELO!
AH.
HERE'S YOUR MURINE, FATHER.
AH.
HERE'S YOUR MURINE, FATHER.
OH, THANKS A LOT.
HERE'S YOUR MURINE, FATHER.
OH, THANKS A LOT.
NOW, LISTEN, HONEY...
OH, THANKS A LOT.
NOW, LISTEN, HONEY...
GORGENHAVEN AND I ARE GOING ON A
NOW, LISTEN, HONEY...
GORGENHAVEN AND I ARE GOING ON A
LITTLE TRIP TO THE OCULUS TO GET
GORGENHAVEN AND I ARE GOING ON A
LITTLE TRIP TO THE OCULUS TO GET
HIM A MONOCLE.
LITTLE TRIP TO THE OCULUS TO GET
HIM A MONOCLE.
YOU STAY HERE WITH DEAD NANNY,
HIM A MONOCLE.
YOU STAY HERE WITH DEAD NANNY,
LIVE NANNY, STUFFY THE DEVIL
YOU STAY HERE WITH DEAD NANNY,
LIVE NANNY, STUFFY THE DEVIL
DOG, BIG SATAN BABY, OR WHATEVER
LIVE NANNY, STUFFY THE DEVIL
DOG, BIG SATAN BABY, OR WHATEVER
HIS NAME IS.
DOG, BIG SATAN BABY, OR WHATEVER
HIS NAME IS.
YOU'LL BE SAFE WITH THEM.
HIS NAME IS.
YOU'LL BE SAFE WITH THEM.
OH, THAT WILL BE FUN.
YOU'LL BE SAFE WITH THEM.
OH, THAT WILL BE FUN.
COME ON, FATHER.
OH, THAT WILL BE FUN.
COME ON, FATHER.
AYE, WE MUST HURRY.
LET'S SEE NOW, THERE'S
FLICKA...
HMM.
FLICKA...
HMM.
MR. ED...
HMM.
MR. ED...
BLACK BEAUTY...
MR. ED...
BLACK BEAUTY...
RUFFIAN...
BLACK BEAUTY...
RUFFIAN...
WHAT IS THIS?
RUFFIAN...
WHAT IS THIS?
THESE SEEM TO BE LATE HORSES.
WHAT IS THIS?
THESE SEEM TO BE LATE HORSES.
KEEP LOOKING.
THESE SEEM TO BE LATE HORSES.
KEEP LOOKING.
AH, OLD YELLER...
KEEP LOOKING.
AH, OLD YELLER...
CHECKERS...
AH, OLD YELLER...
CHECKERS...
AND DAMIAN'S MOTHER!
CHECKERS...
AND DAMIAN'S MOTHER!
MY GOD!
AND DAMIAN'S MOTHER!
MY GOD!
WHY IN HELL DO YOU SUPPOSE
MY GOD!
WHY IN HELL DO YOU SUPPOSE
THEY WOULD BURY HER IN A PET
WHY IN HELL DO YOU SUPPOSE
THEY WOULD BURY HER IN A PET
CEMETERY?
THEY WOULD BURY HER IN A PET
CEMETERY?
OH.
CEMETERY?
OH.
OH, MY GOD.
OH.
OH, MY GOD.
MY DEAR, DEAD DARLING, DAMP,
OH, MY GOD.
MY DEAR, DEAD DARLING, DAMP,
DROWNED WIFE!
MY DEAR, DEAD DARLING, DAMP,
DROWNED WIFE!
BAD DOG, BAD DOG!
DROWNED WIFE!
BAD DOG, BAD DOG!
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!
BAD DOG, BAD DOG!
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!
AH, AMBASSADOR THORN.
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!
AH, AMBASSADOR THORN.
YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE LEFT ME IN
AH, AMBASSADOR THORN.
YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE LEFT ME IN
THE CAR ALONE.
YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE LEFT ME IN
THE CAR ALONE.
IT TOOK ME 20 MINUTES TO GET
THE CAR ALONE.
IT TOOK ME 20 MINUTES TO GET
OUT.
IT TOOK ME 20 MINUTES TO GET
OUT.
LISTEN, ONE OF OUR NANNIES
OUT.
LISTEN, ONE OF OUR NANNIES
HAS BEEN HUNG.
LISTEN, ONE OF OUR NANNIES
HAS BEEN HUNG.
MY WIFE HAS DROWNED.
HAS BEEN HUNG.
MY WIFE HAS DROWNED.
MY SON'S REAL MOTHER IS BURIED
MY WIFE HAS DROWNED.
MY SON'S REAL MOTHER IS BURIED
IN A PET CEMETERY.
MY SON'S REAL MOTHER IS BURIED
IN A PET CEMETERY.
SOMETHING SEEMS TO BE WRONG.
IN A PET CEMETERY.
SOMETHING SEEMS TO BE WRONG.
IT IS THE WORK OF SATAN.
SOMETHING SEEMS TO BE WRONG.
IT IS THE WORK OF SATAN.
HE IS AMONG US.
IT IS THE WORK OF SATAN.
HE IS AMONG US.
HE...
HE IS AMONG US.
HE...
[GROANS]
HE...
[GROANS]
FATHER?
[GROANS]
FATHER?
THANK GOD FOR THE BANDAGE.
FATHER?
THANK GOD FOR THE BANDAGE.
AMBASSADOR THORN?
THANK GOD FOR THE BANDAGE.
AMBASSADOR THORN?
YES?
AMBASSADOR THORN?
YES?
I HAVE SOME PICTURES.
YES?
I HAVE SOME PICTURES.
I'M NOT INTERESTED IN
I HAVE SOME PICTURES.
I'M NOT INTERESTED IN
PICTURES NOW.
I'M NOT INTERESTED IN
PICTURES NOW.
PICTURES OF YOUR WIFE.
PICTURES NOW.
PICTURES OF YOUR WIFE.
I'M NOT INTERESTED.
PICTURES OF YOUR WIFE.
I'M NOT INTERESTED.
AND YOUR DOG.
I'M NOT INTERESTED.
AND YOUR DOG.
I'M INTERESTED.
AND YOUR DOG.
I'M INTERESTED.
GOOD.
I'M INTERESTED.
GOOD.
IT'S A BIT DARK IN HERE.
GOOD.
IT'S A BIT DARK IN HERE.
LET'S TURN ON THE PRIEST.
IT'S A BIT DARK IN HERE.
LET'S TURN ON THE PRIEST.
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S TURN ON THE PRIEST.
ALL RIGHT.
LOOK AT THIS.
ALL RIGHT.
LOOK AT THIS.
YES?
LOOK AT THIS.
YES?
THE SAME THING IN EACH SHOT.
YES?
THE SAME THING IN EACH SHOT.
LOOK ABOVE THE NANNY'S HEAD.
THE SAME THING IN EACH SHOT.
LOOK ABOVE THE NANNY'S HEAD.
THREE 6's.
LOOK ABOVE THE NANNY'S HEAD.
THREE 6's.
THE NUMBERS 666.
THREE 6's.
THE NUMBERS 666.
AGAIN, ABOVE THE PRIEST'S
THE NUMBERS 666.
AGAIN, ABOVE THE PRIEST'S
HEAD... THE NUMBERS 666.
AGAIN, ABOVE THE PRIEST'S
HEAD... THE NUMBERS 666.
AH.
HEAD... THE NUMBERS 666.
AH.
AND AGAIN HERE... THE SAME
AH.
AND AGAIN HERE... THE SAME
MARK... 666.
AND AGAIN HERE... THE SAME
MARK... 666.
THIS IS INCREDIBLE.
MARK... 666.
THIS IS INCREDIBLE.
WHERE DID YOU GET THESE
THIS IS INCREDIBLE.
WHERE DID YOU GET THESE
PICTURES?
WHERE DID YOU GET THESE
PICTURES?
I GOT THEM AT 666
PICTURES?
I GOT THEM AT 666
KNIGHTSBRIDGE, RIGHT NEAR THE
I GOT THEM AT 666
KNIGHTSBRIDGE, RIGHT NEAR THE
LONDON HILL.
KNIGHTSBRIDGE, RIGHT NEAR THE
LONDON HILL.
DO YOU HAVE ANY MORE
LONDON HILL.
DO YOU HAVE ANY MORE
PICTURES?
DO YOU HAVE ANY MORE
PICTURES?
HERE'S THE FUNNIEST THING.
PICTURES?
HERE'S THE FUNNIEST THING.
AT A CHRISTMAS PARTY, I MADE AN
HERE'S THE FUNNIEST THING.
AT A CHRISTMAS PARTY, I MADE AN
ASS OF MYSELF.
AT A CHRISTMAS PARTY, I MADE AN
ASS OF MYSELF.
[LAUGHS]
ASS OF MYSELF.
[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHS]
AND HERE'S ONE AT MY WEDDING.
[LAUGHS]
AND HERE'S ONE AT MY WEDDING.
I'LL NEVER FORGET THAT.
AND HERE'S ONE AT MY WEDDING.
I'LL NEVER FORGET THAT.
[LAUGHS]
I'LL NEVER FORGET THAT.
[LAUGHS]
AND THERE'S SOME MORE IN THE
[LAUGHS]
AND THERE'S SOME MORE IN THE
CAR.
AND THERE'S SOME MORE IN THE
CAR.
I COULD GET THEM.
CAR.
I COULD GET THEM.
WHY DON'T YOU?
I COULD GET THEM.
WHY DON'T YOU?
YOU FOOL!
WHY DON'T YOU?
YOU FOOL!
IT'S THOSE EARLIER PICTURES!
YOU FOOL!
IT'S THOSE EARLIER PICTURES!
YES?
IT'S THOSE EARLIER PICTURES!
YES?
THE ONES WITH THE 666!
YES?
THE ONES WITH THE 666!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
THE ONES WITH THE 666!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
IT'S THE SIGN OF THE
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
IT'S THE SIGN OF THE
ANTICHRIST!
IT'S THE SIGN OF THE
ANTICHRIST!
666... THE DEVIL'S AREA CODE!
ANTICHRIST!
666... THE DEVIL'S AREA CODE!
SEARCH FOR IT ON THE SKIN OF
666... THE DEVIL'S AREA CODE!
SEARCH FOR IT ON THE SKIN OF
THE EVIL ONE!
SEARCH FOR IT ON THE SKIN OF
THE EVIL ONE!
WELL, WHAT EVIL ONE?
THE EVIL ONE!
WELL, WHAT EVIL ONE?
DAMIAN... HIS FATHER WAS
WELL, WHAT EVIL ONE?
DAMIAN... HIS FATHER WAS
SATAN.
DAMIAN... HIS FATHER WAS
SATAN.
HIS MOTHER WAS SPOT, OR WHATEVER
SATAN.
HIS MOTHER WAS SPOT, OR WHATEVER
HER NAME WAS.
HIS MOTHER WAS SPOT, OR WHATEVER
HER NAME WAS.
WAIT.
HER NAME WAS.
WAIT.
WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT.
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT IF I FIND
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT IF I FIND
THREE 6's ON THE SKIN OF THAT
YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT IF I FIND
THREE 6's ON THE SKIN OF THAT
BOY, THAT WILL PROVE HE IS THE
THREE 6's ON THE SKIN OF THAT
BOY, THAT WILL PROVE HE IS THE
SON OF SATAN HIMSELF?
BOY, THAT WILL PROVE HE IS THE
SON OF SATAN HIMSELF?
YES.
SON OF SATAN HIMSELF?
YES.
THEN WHAT DO I DO?
YES.
THEN WHAT DO I DO?
THEN, IT IS A FIGHT TO THE
THEN WHAT DO I DO?
THEN, IT IS A FIGHT TO THE
DEATH BETWEEN YOU AND THE PRINCE
THEN, IT IS A FIGHT TO THE
DEATH BETWEEN YOU AND THE PRINCE
OF DARKNESS, AND REMEMBER, HE'S
DEATH BETWEEN YOU AND THE PRINCE
OF DARKNESS, AND REMEMBER, HE'S
ALL-POWERFUL AND CAN SUMMON UP
OF DARKNESS, AND REMEMBER, HE'S
ALL-POWERFUL AND CAN SUMMON UP
ALL EVIL FORCES OF THE WORLD
ALL-POWERFUL AND CAN SUMMON UP
ALL EVIL FORCES OF THE WORLD
AGAINST YOU.
ALL EVIL FORCES OF THE WORLD
AGAINST YOU.
HE'LL DO ANYTHING TO DESTROY THE
AGAINST YOU.
HE'LL DO ANYTHING TO DESTROY THE
WORLD AND YOU.
HE'LL DO ANYTHING TO DESTROY THE
WORLD AND YOU.
WHAT WEAPONS WILL I HAVE AT
WORLD AND YOU.
WHAT WEAPONS WILL I HAVE AT
MY DISPOSAL?
WHAT WEAPONS WILL I HAVE AT
MY DISPOSAL?
YOU'LL HAVE TO GET A
MY DISPOSAL?
YOU'LL HAVE TO GET A
SPECIALLY BLESSED KNIFE FROM A
YOU'LL HAVE TO GET A
SPECIALLY BLESSED KNIFE FROM A
SPECIALLY BLESSED GUY I KNOW.
SPECIALLY BLESSED KNIFE FROM A
SPECIALLY BLESSED GUY I KNOW.
SEIZE THE FIEND AND DRAG HIM
SPECIALLY BLESSED GUY I KNOW.
SEIZE THE FIEND AND DRAG HIM
OFF TO THE ALTER OF THE CHURCH
SEIZE THE FIEND AND DRAG HIM
OFF TO THE ALTER OF THE CHURCH
OF YOUR CHOICE.
OFF TO THE ALTER OF THE CHURCH
OF YOUR CHOICE.
YES?
OF YOUR CHOICE.
YES?
PLUNGE THE KNIFE INTO HIS
YES?
PLUNGE THE KNIFE INTO HIS
BLACK HEART.
PLUNGE THE KNIFE INTO HIS
BLACK HEART.
YES?
BLACK HEART.
YES?
SEVER HIS LIMBS.
YES?
SEVER HIS LIMBS.
YES?
SEVER HIS LIMBS.
YES?
PLUCK FOR HIS KIDNEYS AND
YES?
PLUCK FOR HIS KIDNEYS AND
PUT THEM IN YOUR POCKETS... MORE
PLUCK FOR HIS KIDNEYS AND
PUT THEM IN YOUR POCKETS... MORE
ON THAT LATER... AND SET HIS
PUT THEM IN YOUR POCKETS... MORE
ON THAT LATER... AND SET HIS
HAIR ON FIRE.
ON THAT LATER... AND SET HIS
HAIR ON FIRE.
FATHER, IT'S REVOLTING, BUT I
HAIR ON FIRE.
FATHER, IT'S REVOLTING, BUT I
THINK I UNDERSTAND WHAT MUST BE
FATHER, IT'S REVOLTING, BUT I
THINK I UNDERSTAND WHAT MUST BE
DONE.
THINK I UNDERSTAND WHAT MUST BE
DONE.
AYE.
DONE.
AYE.
AMBASSADOR THORN, I WARN
AYE.
AMBASSADOR THORN, I WARN
YOU!
AMBASSADOR THORN, I WARN
YOU!
I'M HERE TO PROTECT THE CHILD,
YOU!
I'M HERE TO PROTECT THE CHILD,
AND I'LL STOP AT NOTHING!
I'M HERE TO PROTECT THE CHILD,
AND I'LL STOP AT NOTHING!
JUST A SECOND.
AND I'LL STOP AT NOTHING!
JUST A SECOND.
WE MUST FIND OUT.
JUST A SECOND.
WE MUST FIND OUT.
HEY, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
WE MUST FIND OUT.
HEY, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
IT'S JUST THREE 9's.
HEY, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
IT'S JUST THREE 9's.
AH, GOOD BOY, DAMIAN.
IT'S JUST THREE 9's.
AH, GOOD BOY, DAMIAN.
GIVE HIM A LIVER SNAP, NURSIE.
AH, GOOD BOY, DAMIAN.
GIVE HIM A LIVER SNAP, NURSIE.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
GIVE HIM A LIVER SNAP, NURSIE.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
COME ON, FATHER GORGENHAVEN.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
COME ON, FATHER GORGENHAVEN.
LET'S GO DOWN TO THE ALL-NIGHT
COME ON, FATHER GORGENHAVEN.
LET'S GO DOWN TO THE ALL-NIGHT
DRUGSTORE AND GET THAT EYE
LET'S GO DOWN TO THE ALL-NIGHT
DRUGSTORE AND GET THAT EYE
SOME OINTMENT.
DRUGSTORE AND GET THAT EYE
SOME OINTMENT.
WHAT ABOUT MY LAMP?
HOWARD SHORE, OUR BAND
LEADER, WROTE A SPECIAL SONG FOR
THIS WEEK'S SHOW, WHICH HE
LEADER, WROTE A SPECIAL SONG FOR
THIS WEEK'S SHOW, WHICH HE
SINGS.
THIS WEEK'S SHOW, WHICH HE
SINGS.
IT'S COMBINED WITH A SPECIAL
SINGS.
IT'S COMBINED WITH A SPECIAL
FILM BY GARY WEIS, AND I'M IN
IT'S COMBINED WITH A SPECIAL
FILM BY GARY WEIS, AND I'M IN
THERE SOME PLACE, TOO.
FILM BY GARY WEIS, AND I'M IN
THERE SOME PLACE, TOO.
HERE'S GARY WEIS' FILM.
♪ PUT ON THE FULL MOON
RISING ♪
♪ PUT ON THE DARKEST NIGHT ♪
RISING ♪
♪ PUT ON THE DARKEST NIGHT ♪
♪ YOU CAN'T BELIEVE IT CAME SO
♪ PUT ON THE DARKEST NIGHT ♪
♪ YOU CAN'T BELIEVE IT CAME SO
QUICKLY ♪
♪ YOU CAN'T BELIEVE IT CAME SO
QUICKLY ♪
♪ OH, BUT, BABY, IT'S HALLOWEEN
QUICKLY ♪
♪ OH, BUT, BABY, IT'S HALLOWEEN
TONIGHT ♪
♪ YOU SURE LOOK FINE IN YOUR
COSTUME ♪
♪ I'D SAY YOU'VE DONE YOURSELF
COSTUME ♪
♪ I'D SAY YOU'VE DONE YOURSELF
UP RIGHT ♪
♪ I'D SAY YOU'VE DONE YOURSELF
UP RIGHT ♪
♪ YOU KNOW YOU DON'T HAVE TO
UP RIGHT ♪
♪ YOU KNOW YOU DON'T HAVE TO
LOOK TOO PRETTY ♪
♪ YOU KNOW YOU DON'T HAVE TO
LOOK TOO PRETTY ♪
♪ 'CAUSE, BABY, IT'S HALLOWEEN
LOOK TOO PRETTY ♪
♪ 'CAUSE, BABY, IT'S HALLOWEEN
TONIGHT ♪
♪ AND IN THE EVENING, WHEN THE
SUN GOES DOWN ♪
♪ OH, WE'RE GONNA DRESS UP AND
SUN GOES DOWN ♪
♪ OH, WE'RE GONNA DRESS UP AND
GET OURSELVES DOWNTOWN ♪
♪ OH, WE'RE GONNA DRESS UP AND
GET OURSELVES DOWNTOWN ♪
♪ AND THEN THAT NIGHT, WHEN THAT
GET OURSELVES DOWNTOWN ♪
♪ AND THEN THAT NIGHT, WHEN THAT
CLOCK STRIKES 12:00 ♪
♪ AND THEN THAT NIGHT, WHEN THAT
CLOCK STRIKES 12:00 ♪
♪ WE'RE GONNA GET BACK HOME IN
CLOCK STRIKES 12:00 ♪
♪ WE'RE GONNA GET BACK HOME IN
TIME TO ACT OURSELVES ♪
♪ WE'RE GONNA GET BACK HOME IN
TIME TO ACT OURSELVES ♪
♪ I'LL PUT ON MY RED BANDANA ♪
TIME TO ACT OURSELVES ♪
♪ I'LL PUT ON MY RED BANDANA ♪
♪ MAKE SURE YOU TURN OUT ALL THE
♪ I'LL PUT ON MY RED BANDANA ♪
♪ MAKE SURE YOU TURN OUT ALL THE
LIGHTS ♪
♪ MAKE SURE YOU TURN OUT ALL THE
LIGHTS ♪
♪ WE HAVEN'T GOT NO TIME FOR
LIGHTS ♪
♪ WE HAVEN'T GOT NO TIME FOR
TV ♪
♪ WE HAVEN'T GOT NO TIME FOR
TV ♪
♪ 'CAUSE, BABY, IT'S
TV ♪
♪ 'CAUSE, BABY, IT'S
HALLOWEEN ♪
♪ 'CAUSE, BABY, IT'S
HALLOWEEN ♪
♪ OH, BABY, IT'S HALLOWEEN ♪
HALLOWEEN ♪
♪ OH, BABY, IT'S HALLOWEEN ♪
♪ OH, BABY, IT'S HALLOWEEN
♪ OH, BABY, IT'S HALLOWEEN ♪
♪ OH, BABY, IT'S HALLOWEEN
TONIGHT ♪
PROVING WHAT YOU SEE IS NOT
NECESSARILY WHAT YOU GET.
HIS NAME WAS EHRICH WEISS, BUT
NECESSARILY WHAT YOU GET.
HIS NAME WAS EHRICH WEISS, BUT
MILLIONS KNEW HIM AS THE GREAT
HIS NAME WAS EHRICH WEISS, BUT
MILLIONS KNEW HIM AS THE GREAT
HOUDINI.
MILLIONS KNEW HIM AS THE GREAT
HOUDINI.
IT WAS EXACTLY 50 YEARS AGO
HOUDINI.
IT WAS EXACTLY 50 YEARS AGO
TONIGHT THAT THE GREAT HOUDINI
IT WAS EXACTLY 50 YEARS AGO
TONIGHT THAT THE GREAT HOUDINI
DIED AFTER A FATAL BLOW TO HIS
TONIGHT THAT THE GREAT HOUDINI
DIED AFTER A FATAL BLOW TO HIS
STOMACH BY AN ART STUDENT AT
DIED AFTER A FATAL BLOW TO HIS
STOMACH BY AN ART STUDENT AT
McGILL UNIVERSITY.
STOMACH BY AN ART STUDENT AT
McGILL UNIVERSITY.
NOW, HOUDINI WROTE THAT IF IT
McGILL UNIVERSITY.
NOW, HOUDINI WROTE THAT IF IT
WERE AT ALL POSSIBLE TO RETURN
NOW, HOUDINI WROTE THAT IF IT
WERE AT ALL POSSIBLE TO RETURN
FROM THE DEAD, HE WOULD DO SO
WERE AT ALL POSSIBLE TO RETURN
FROM THE DEAD, HE WOULD DO SO
EXACTLY 50 YEARS FROM HIS DEATH,
FROM THE DEAD, HE WOULD DO SO
EXACTLY 50 YEARS FROM HIS DEATH,
AND TONIGHT IS THAT NIGHT.
WE NOW SWITCH YOU, LIVE, TO OUR
MOBILE CAMERA UNIT AT
MACHPELAH CEMETERY IN BROOKLYN
WHERE GARRETT MORRIS IS STANDING
AT THE GRAVE SITE OF THE FAMOUS
MAGICIAN HIMSELF.
COME IN, GARRETT.
GARRETT, HAS ANYTHING HAPPENED?
UH, BUCK?
UH, ABOUT FIVE MINUTES AGO, MAN,
A VERY STRANGE-LOOKING DUDE CAME
RIGHT HERE BY THE GRAVE SITE,
MAN.
UH, HE HAD A VERY HEAVY SPANISH
ACCENT AND... AND... AND HE WORE
A UNIFORM, AND HE SAID HIS NAME
ACCENT AND... AND... AND HE WORE
A UNIFORM, AND HE SAID HIS NAME
WAS FRANK... FRAN...
A UNIFORM, AND HE SAID HIS NAME
WAS FRANK... FRAN...
SAN FRANCISCO... GENERALISSIMO.
WAS FRANK... FRAN...
SAN FRANCISCO... GENERALISSIMO.
I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS.
SAN FRANCISCO... GENERALISSIMO.
I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS.
HE WAS NOT HOUDINI.
I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS.
HE WAS NOT HOUDINI.
THAT IS FOR SURE.
HE WAS NOT HOUDINI.
THAT IS FOR SURE.
ALL RIGHT, GARRETT.
THAT IS FOR SURE.
ALL RIGHT, GARRETT.
UH, BACK TO YOU, BUCK.
ALL RIGHT, GARRETT.
UH, BACK TO YOU, BUCK.
OKAY, IF ANYTHING FURTHER
UH, BACK TO YOU, BUCK.
OKAY, IF ANYTHING FURTHER
SHOULD HAPPEN, WE WILL BE RIGHT
OKAY, IF ANYTHING FURTHER
SHOULD HAPPEN, WE WILL BE RIGHT
BACK TO YOU.
SHOULD HAPPEN, WE WILL BE RIGHT
BACK TO YOU.
OKAY. YEAH.
GOOD EVENING.
I'M MICHAEL O'DONOGHUE, AND
TONIGHT'S LEAST-LOVED BEDTIME
I'M MICHAEL O'DONOGHUE, AND
TONIGHT'S LEAST-LOVED BEDTIME
TALE IS ENTITLED
TONIGHT'S LEAST-LOVED BEDTIME
TALE IS ENTITLED
"THE ENCHANTED THERMOS," AND IT
TALE IS ENTITLED
"THE ENCHANTED THERMOS," AND IT
TAKES PLACE IN THE FROZEN NORTH.
"THE ENCHANTED THERMOS," AND IT
TAKES PLACE IN THE FROZEN NORTH.
PICTURE THIS... AN ESKIMO...
TAKES PLACE IN THE FROZEN NORTH.
PICTURE THIS... AN ESKIMO...
IN FACT... IN FACT, THE LITTLEST
PICTURE THIS... AN ESKIMO...
IN FACT... IN FACT, THE LITTLEST
ESKIMO.
IN FACT... IN FACT, THE LITTLEST
ESKIMO.
HOW'S THAT, HUH?
ESKIMO.
HOW'S THAT, HUH?
THE LITTLEST ESKIMO IS LOST IN
HOW'S THAT, HUH?
THE LITTLEST ESKIMO IS LOST IN
THE TRACKLESS WASTE... COLD,
THE LITTLEST ESKIMO IS LOST IN
THE TRACKLESS WASTE... COLD,
TIRED, HALF-DEAD FROM HUNGER.
THE TRACKLESS WASTE... COLD,
TIRED, HALF-DEAD FROM HUNGER.
THEN, IN THE DISTANCE, HE SPOTS
TIRED, HALF-DEAD FROM HUNGER.
THEN, IN THE DISTANCE, HE SPOTS
A BRIGHTLY COLORED THERMOS
THEN, IN THE DISTANCE, HE SPOTS
A BRIGHTLY COLORED THERMOS
BURIED IN A SNOWDRIFT.
A BRIGHTLY COLORED THERMOS
BURIED IN A SNOWDRIFT.
HE RACES TOWARD IT, HIS TINY
BURIED IN A SNOWDRIFT.
HE RACES TOWARD IT, HIS TINY
HEART POUNDING WITH EXCITEMENT.
HE RACES TOWARD IT, HIS TINY
HEART POUNDING WITH EXCITEMENT.
OBVIOUSLY, SINCE HE IS THE
HEART POUNDING WITH EXCITEMENT.
OBVIOUSLY, SINCE HE IS THE
LITTLEST ESKIMO, HE'D HAVE A
OBVIOUSLY, SINCE HE IS THE
LITTLEST ESKIMO, HE'D HAVE A
TINY HEART, PERHAPS EVEN THE
LITTLEST ESKIMO, HE'D HAVE A
TINY HEART, PERHAPS EVEN THE
TINIEST.
TINY HEART, PERHAPS EVEN THE
TINIEST.
PICKING UP THE THERMOS, HE
TINIEST.
PICKING UP THE THERMOS, HE
UNSCREWS THE RED PLASTIC TOP
PICKING UP THE THERMOS, HE
UNSCREWS THE RED PLASTIC TOP
THAT ALSO SERVES AS A CUP, PULLS
UNSCREWS THE RED PLASTIC TOP
THAT ALSO SERVES AS A CUP, PULLS
THE RUBBER STOPPER, AND...
THAT ALSO SERVES AS A CUP, PULLS
THE RUBBER STOPPER, AND...
KAZAM... OUT POPS A GENIE IN A
THE RUBBER STOPPER, AND...
KAZAM... OUT POPS A GENIE IN A
PARKA WHO SAYS, "I CAN GIVE YOU
KAZAM... OUT POPS A GENIE IN A
PARKA WHO SAYS, "I CAN GIVE YOU
ANYTHING YOU WANT AS LONG AS
PARKA WHO SAYS, "I CAN GIVE YOU
ANYTHING YOU WANT AS LONG AS
IT'S MADE OUT OF SNOW."
ANYTHING YOU WANT AS LONG AS
IT'S MADE OUT OF SNOW."
"I'M SO HUNGRY," SAID THE
IT'S MADE OUT OF SNOW."
"I'M SO HUNGRY," SAID THE
ESKIMO.
"I'M SO HUNGRY," SAID THE
ESKIMO.
"COULD YOU PLEASE MAKE ME
ESKIMO.
"COULD YOU PLEASE MAKE ME
DINNER?"
"COULD YOU PLEASE MAKE ME
DINNER?"
"SURE THING," REPLIED THE GENIE,
DINNER?"
"SURE THING," REPLIED THE GENIE,
AND WITHIN SECONDS, HE HAD
"SURE THING," REPLIED THE GENIE,
AND WITHIN SECONDS, HE HAD
PREPARED A DELICIOUS DINNER OF
AND WITHIN SECONDS, HE HAD
PREPARED A DELICIOUS DINNER OF
SNOW CUTLETS STUFFED WITH SNOW,
PREPARED A DELICIOUS DINNER OF
SNOW CUTLETS STUFFED WITH SNOW,
SNOW CASSEROLE, SNOW PATTIES,
SNOW CUTLETS STUFFED WITH SNOW,
SNOW CASSEROLE, SNOW PATTIES,
SNOW SALAD, A SIDE OF SNOW, SNOW
SNOW CASSEROLE, SNOW PATTIES,
SNOW SALAD, A SIDE OF SNOW, SNOW
PUDDING, AND A GENEROUS GLASS OF
SNOW SALAD, A SIDE OF SNOW, SNOW
PUDDING, AND A GENEROUS GLASS OF
SLUSH.
PUDDING, AND A GENEROUS GLASS OF
SLUSH.
"OH, BOY," EXCLAIMED THE
SLUSH.
"OH, BOY," EXCLAIMED THE
LITTLEST ESKIMO, TOOK A FEW
"OH, BOY," EXCLAIMED THE
LITTLEST ESKIMO, TOOK A FEW
BITES AND FELL INTO A COMA.
LITTLEST ESKIMO, TOOK A FEW
BITES AND FELL INTO A COMA.
ABOUT 10 MINUTES LATER, HE WAS
BITES AND FELL INTO A COMA.
ABOUT 10 MINUTES LATER, HE WAS
DEAD.
ABOUT 10 MINUTES LATER, HE WAS
DEAD.
THE GENIE WENT THROUGH HIS
DEAD.
THE GENIE WENT THROUGH HIS
POCKETS AND THEN CRAWLED BACK
THE GENIE WENT THROUGH HIS
POCKETS AND THEN CRAWLED BACK
INSIDE THE THERMOS TO GET WARM.
POCKETS AND THEN CRAWLED BACK
INSIDE THE THERMOS TO GET WARM.
THE END.
INSIDE THE THERMOS TO GET WARM.
THE END.
I WOULD LIKE TO LEAVE YOU WITH
THE END.
I WOULD LIKE TO LEAVE YOU WITH
THIS THOUGHT.
I WOULD LIKE TO LEAVE YOU WITH
THIS THOUGHT.
AS YOU PROBABLY KNOW, THE
THIS THOUGHT.
AS YOU PROBABLY KNOW, THE
FINGERNAILS DO CONTINUE TO GROW
AS YOU PROBABLY KNOW, THE
FINGERNAILS DO CONTINUE TO GROW
AFTER DEATH, SO IN A SENSE...
FINGERNAILS DO CONTINUE TO GROW
AFTER DEATH, SO IN A SENSE...
IN A VERY REAL SENSE... WE ALL
AFTER DEATH, SO IN A SENSE...
IN A VERY REAL SENSE... WE ALL
TURN INTO CHINESE MANDARINS
IN A VERY REAL SENSE... WE ALL
TURN INTO CHINESE MANDARINS
BEYOND THE GRAVE.
TURN INTO CHINESE MANDARINS
BEYOND THE GRAVE.
GOOD NIGHT.
WE'RE NOW GOING TO TAKE YOU
BACK TO GARRETT MORRIS, WHO IS
STILL AT THE HOUDINI GRAVE SITE.
BACK TO GARRETT MORRIS, WHO IS
STILL AT THE HOUDINI GRAVE SITE.
GARRETT, WILL YOU COME IN
STILL AT THE HOUDINI GRAVE SITE.
GARRETT, WILL YOU COME IN
PLEASE?
GARRETT, WILL YOU COME IN
PLEASE?
COME IN, GARRETT.
PLEASE?
COME IN, GARRETT.
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
AH.
GARRETT, WHAT'S HAPPENED?
AH.
HAS SOMETHING HAPPENED?
[MUMBLING]
CAN YOU SAY ANYTHING IN
ENGLISH?
[MUMBLING]
APPARENTLY, WE'RE HAVING SOME
TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES.
APPARENTLY, WE'RE HAVING SOME
TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES.
GARRETT, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES.
GARRETT, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
UM...
GARRETT, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
UM...
ALL RIGHT, I THINK WE'LL HAVE
UM...
ALL RIGHT, I THINK WE'LL HAVE
TO RETURN TO HOUDINI'S GRAVE A
ALL RIGHT, I THINK WE'LL HAVE
TO RETURN TO HOUDINI'S GRAVE A
LITTLE LATER.
TO RETURN TO HOUDINI'S GRAVE A
LITTLE LATER.
Announcer: ONCE AGAIN,
LITTLE LATER.
Announcer: ONCE AGAIN,
THE BAND.
Announcer: ONCE AGAIN,
THE BAND.
[INTRO TO "GEORGIA ON MY MIND"
THE BAND.
[INTRO TO "GEORGIA ON MY MIND"
PLAYS]
♪ GEORGIA ♪
♪ GEORGIA ♪
♪ THE WHOLE DAY THROUGH ♪
♪ GEORGIA ♪
♪ THE WHOLE DAY THROUGH ♪
♪ THERE'S THAT OLD SWEET SONG ♪
♪ THE WHOLE DAY THROUGH ♪
♪ THERE'S THAT OLD SWEET SONG ♪
♪ THAT KEEPS YOU, GEORGIA, ON MY
♪ THERE'S THAT OLD SWEET SONG ♪
♪ THAT KEEPS YOU, GEORGIA, ON MY
MIND ♪
♪ THAT KEEPS YOU, GEORGIA, ON MY
MIND ♪
♪ OH, GEORGIA ♪
MIND ♪
♪ OH, GEORGIA ♪
♪ OH, GEORGIA ♪
♪ OH, GEORGIA ♪
♪ OH, GEORGIA ♪
♪ THE SONG OF YOU ♪
♪ OH, GEORGIA ♪
♪ THE SONG OF YOU ♪
♪ COMES AS SWEET AND CLEAR ♪
♪ THE SONG OF YOU ♪
♪ COMES AS SWEET AND CLEAR ♪
♪ JUST LIKE MOONLIGHT THROUGH
♪ COMES AS SWEET AND CLEAR ♪
♪ JUST LIKE MOONLIGHT THROUGH
THE PINES ♪
♪ JUST LIKE MOONLIGHT THROUGH
THE PINES ♪
♪ OOH, OOH, OOH ♪
THE PINES ♪
♪ OOH, OOH, OOH ♪
♪ OTHER ARMS REACH OUT FOR ME ♪
♪ OOH, OOH, OOH ♪
♪ OTHER ARMS REACH OUT FOR ME ♪
♪ OTHER EYES, THEY SMILE
♪ OTHER ARMS REACH OUT FOR ME ♪
♪ OTHER EYES, THEY SMILE
TENDERLY ♪
♪ OTHER EYES, THEY SMILE
TENDERLY ♪
♪ STILL IN PEACEFUL DREAMS I
TENDERLY ♪
♪ STILL IN PEACEFUL DREAMS I
SEE ♪
♪ STILL IN PEACEFUL DREAMS I
SEE ♪
♪ THAT THE ROAD ♪
SEE ♪
♪ THAT THE ROAD ♪
♪ THE ROAD LEADS BACK TO YOU ♪
♪ THAT THE ROAD ♪
♪ THE ROAD LEADS BACK TO YOU ♪
♪ OH, HEY, GEORGIA ♪
♪ THE ROAD LEADS BACK TO YOU ♪
♪ OH, HEY, GEORGIA ♪
♪ OOH, GEORGIA ♪
♪ OH, HEY, GEORGIA ♪
♪ OOH, GEORGIA ♪
♪ NO PEACE, NO PEACE I FIND ♪
♪ OOH, GEORGIA ♪
♪ NO PEACE, NO PEACE I FIND ♪
♪ THERE'S STILL THIS OLD SWEET
♪ NO PEACE, NO PEACE I FIND ♪
♪ THERE'S STILL THIS OLD SWEET
SONG ♪
♪ THERE'S STILL THIS OLD SWEET
SONG ♪
♪ THAT KEEPS YOU, GEORGIA, ON MY
SONG ♪
♪ THAT KEEPS YOU, GEORGIA, ON MY
MIND ♪
♪ THAT KEEPS YOU, GEORGIA, ON MY
MIND ♪
♪ THERE'S STILL THIS OLD SWEET
MIND ♪
♪ THERE'S STILL THIS OLD SWEET
SONG ♪
♪ THERE'S STILL THIS OLD SWEET
SONG ♪
♪ THAT KEEPS YOU, GEORGIA ♪
SONG ♪
♪ THAT KEEPS YOU, GEORGIA ♪
♪ ON MY MIND ♪
♪ THAT KEEPS YOU, GEORGIA ♪
♪ ON MY MIND ♪
♪ KEEPS YOU, GEORGIA, ON MY
♪ ON MY MIND ♪
♪ KEEPS YOU, GEORGIA, ON MY
MIND ♪
THANK YOU, EVERYBODY.
THANK YOU, BAND.
THANK YOU, FOLKS.
THANK YOU, BAND.
THANK YOU, FOLKS.
AND, UH, THANK YOU, GARRETT,
THANK YOU, FOLKS.
AND, UH, THANK YOU, GARRETT,
WHEREVER YOU ARE.
Announcer: NEXT SATURDAY
NIGHT, WATCH NBC's "WEEKEND"
WITH LLOYD DOBBINS.
WE'LL BE BACK WITH A BRAND-NEW
SHOW ON NOVEMBER 13th, TWO WEEKS
FROM TONIGHT.
THIS IS DON PARDO, REMINDING YOU
TO GET OUT AND VOTE AND ALSO TO
SET YOUR CLOCK BACK TONIGHT ONE
HOUR.
AFTER ALL, YOU CAN'T SET
TELEVISION BACK 90 MINUTES.
GOOD NIGHT.
WHO IS IT?
UH, TRICK OR TREAT?
WHO IS IT?
UH, TRICK OR TREAT?
["THEME FROM 'JAWS'" PLAYS]
UH, TRICK OR TREAT?
["THEME FROM 'JAWS'" PLAYS]
LOOK, IT'S 2:00 IN THE
["THEME FROM 'JAWS'" PLAYS]
LOOK, IT'S 2:00 IN THE
MORNING.
LOOK, IT'S 2:00 IN THE
MORNING.
HALLOWEEN'S OVER.
MORNING.
HALLOWEEN'S OVER.
NOW, SHOULDN'T YOU BE IN BED BY
HALLOWEEN'S OVER.
NOW, SHOULDN'T YOU BE IN BED BY
NOW?
NOW, SHOULDN'T YOU BE IN BED BY
NOW?
MRS. BA... BAR...
NOW?
MRS. BA... BAR...
MRS. BAR... BAY... BARSON?
MRS. BA... BAR...
MRS. BAR... BAY... BARSON?
BARGUM... BARSON?
MRS. BAR... BAY... BARSON?
BARGUM... BARSON?
THERE IS NO
BARGUM... BARSON?
THERE IS NO
MRS. BARGENBARSON HERE.
THERE IS NO
MRS. BARGENBARSON HERE.
CANDYGRAM.
MRS. BARGENBARSON HERE.
CANDYGRAM.
LOOK, I'M ALL OUT OF CANDY.
CANDYGRAM.
LOOK, I'M ALL OUT OF CANDY.
I GAVE IT ALL AWAY.
LOOK, I'M ALL OUT OF CANDY.
I GAVE IT ALL AWAY.
NOW GO HOME.
I GAVE IT ALL AWAY.
NOW GO HOME.
UNI-UNICEF, MA'AM.
NOW GO HOME.
UNI-UNICEF, MA'AM.
UNICEF?
UNI-UNICEF, MA'AM.
UNICEF?
UNICEF.
UNICEF?
UNICEF.
THAT'S DIFFERENT.
[SCREAMS]
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
[BAND PLAYS]
Announcer: NBC's
"SATURDAY NIGHT"...
STARRING...
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
WITH HIS SPECIAL GUEST...
AND...
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
BUCK HENRY!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH.
I'D LIKE TO SAY THAT IT'S NICE
TO BE WITH THIS INCREDIBLE CREW
I'D LIKE TO SAY THAT IT'S NICE
TO BE WITH THIS INCREDIBLE CREW
OF ACTORS AND PERFORMERS.
TO BE WITH THIS INCREDIBLE CREW
OF ACTORS AND PERFORMERS.
YOU KNOW, YOU READ A LOT OF
OF ACTORS AND PERFORMERS.
YOU KNOW, YOU READ A LOT OF
STUFF ABOUT THE
YOU KNOW, YOU READ A LOT OF
STUFF ABOUT THE
NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME PLAYERS
STUFF ABOUT THE
NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME PLAYERS
IN THE NEWSPAPERS, AND WHAT
NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME PLAYERS
IN THE NEWSPAPERS, AND WHAT
YOU'VE READ IS JUNK.
IN THE NEWSPAPERS, AND WHAT
YOU'VE READ IS JUNK.
NONE OF IT IS TRUE.
YOU'VE READ IS JUNK.
NONE OF IT IS TRUE.
THEY'RE AVERAGE, TERRIFIC,
NONE OF IT IS TRUE.
THEY'RE AVERAGE, TERRIFIC,
TALENTED KIDS.
THEY'RE AVERAGE, TERRIFIC,
TALENTED KIDS.
TAKE JANE CURTIN FOR INSTANCE...
TALENTED KIDS.
TAKE JANE CURTIN FOR INSTANCE...
THAT COOL, INTERESTING-LOOKING
TAKE JANE CURTIN FOR INSTANCE...
THAT COOL, INTERESTING-LOOKING
BEAUTY.
THAT COOL, INTERESTING-LOOKING
BEAUTY.
SHE'S GOT A PERFECTLY NORMAL
BEAUTY.
SHE'S GOT A PERFECTLY NORMAL
LIFE.
SHE'S GOT A PERFECTLY NORMAL
LIFE.
SHE LIVES WITH HER HUSBAND, AND
LIFE.
SHE LIVES WITH HER HUSBAND, AND
THEY DO WHAT EVERY COUPLE DOES,
SHE LIVES WITH HER HUSBAND, AND
THEY DO WHAT EVERY COUPLE DOES,
AND EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT, WHEN
THEY DO WHAT EVERY COUPLE DOES,
AND EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT, WHEN
IT'S SHOWTIME, ALL THOSE BRUISES
AND EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT, WHEN
IT'S SHOWTIME, ALL THOSE BRUISES
HAVE DISAPPEARED.
IT'S SHOWTIME, ALL THOSE BRUISES
HAVE DISAPPEARED.
THERE ISN'T A SCAR.
HAVE DISAPPEARED.
THERE ISN'T A SCAR.
THERE ISN'T A WELT.
THERE ISN'T A SCAR.
THERE ISN'T A WELT.
THERE ISN'T A MARK... NOTHING.
THERE ISN'T A WELT.
THERE ISN'T A MARK... NOTHING.
BELUSHI... A GREAT CHARACTER
THERE ISN'T A MARK... NOTHING.
BELUSHI... A GREAT CHARACTER
ACTOR.
BELUSHI... A GREAT CHARACTER
ACTOR.
YOU'VE SEEN HIM PLAY PART AFTER
ACTOR.
YOU'VE SEEN HIM PLAY PART AFTER
PART, AND HE'S REALLY
YOU'VE SEEN HIM PLAY PART AFTER
PART, AND HE'S REALLY
SENSATIONAL.
PART, AND HE'S REALLY
SENSATIONAL.
THERE IS NO WAY TO TELL HOW
SENSATIONAL.
THERE IS NO WAY TO TELL HOW
HEAVILY IN DEBT TO THE MAFIA HE
THERE IS NO WAY TO TELL HOW
HEAVILY IN DEBT TO THE MAFIA HE
IS.
HEAVILY IN DEBT TO THE MAFIA HE
IS.
I MEAN, THAT'S GOT NOTHING TO DO
IS.
I MEAN, THAT'S GOT NOTHING TO DO
WITH HIS TALENT.
I MEAN, THAT'S GOT NOTHING TO DO
WITH HIS TALENT.
LARAINE... SHE'S 23 YEARS OLD,
WITH HIS TALENT.
LARAINE... SHE'S 23 YEARS OLD,
AND THAT'S A TALENTED KID.
LARAINE... SHE'S 23 YEARS OLD,
AND THAT'S A TALENTED KID.
WHERE DOES SHE GET IT?
AND THAT'S A TALENTED KID.
WHERE DOES SHE GET IT?
THEY SAY THAT COMEDY OFTEN COMES
WHERE DOES SHE GET IT?
THEY SAY THAT COMEDY OFTEN COMES
FROM PAIN, AND SURE, PROBABLY A
THEY SAY THAT COMEDY OFTEN COMES
FROM PAIN, AND SURE, PROBABLY A
LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE HURT HER.
FROM PAIN, AND SURE, PROBABLY A
LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE HURT HER.
A LOT OF MEN HAVE HURT HER.
LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE HURT HER.
A LOT OF MEN HAVE HURT HER.
HUNDREDS OF MEN HAVE HURT HER,
A LOT OF MEN HAVE HURT HER.
HUNDREDS OF MEN HAVE HURT HER,
LET ME BE HONEST WITH YOU.
HUNDREDS OF MEN HAVE HURT HER,
LET ME BE HONEST WITH YOU.
HUNDREDS, MAYBE THOUSANDS, BUT
LET ME BE HONEST WITH YOU.
HUNDREDS, MAYBE THOUSANDS, BUT
THAT'S GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH
HUNDREDS, MAYBE THOUSANDS, BUT
THAT'S GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH
WHAT SHE GIVES US OUT HERE EVERY
THAT'S GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH
WHAT SHE GIVES US OUT HERE EVERY
SATURDAY, AND DANNY AYKROYD?
WHAT SHE GIVES US OUT HERE EVERY
SATURDAY, AND DANNY AYKROYD?
YOU THINK HE'S WEIRD?
SATURDAY, AND DANNY AYKROYD?
YOU THINK HE'S WEIRD?
'CAUSE HE SLEEPS WITH A BICYCLE
YOU THINK HE'S WEIRD?
'CAUSE HE SLEEPS WITH A BICYCLE
CHAIN IN HIS MOUTH?
'CAUSE HE SLEEPS WITH A BICYCLE
CHAIN IN HIS MOUTH?
THAT'S NOT WEIRD.
CHAIN IN HIS MOUTH?
THAT'S NOT WEIRD.
HE HAS LOVE.
THAT'S NOT WEIRD.
HE HAS LOVE.
HE'S FILLED WITH LOVE.
HE HAS LOVE.
HE'S FILLED WITH LOVE.
NOT PEOPLE.
HE'S FILLED WITH LOVE.
NOT PEOPLE.
ANIMALS, MOSTLY.
NOT PEOPLE.
ANIMALS, MOSTLY.
THERE'S A GOAT IN HIS DRESSING
ANIMALS, MOSTLY.
THERE'S A GOAT IN HIS DRESSING
ROOM.
THERE'S A GOAT IN HIS DRESSING
ROOM.
HE DIDN'T WANT ME TO TELL YOU
ROOM.
HE DIDN'T WANT ME TO TELL YOU
ABOUT THAT.
HE DIDN'T WANT ME TO TELL YOU
ABOUT THAT.
LISTEN, LET'S TALK ABOUT GILDA
ABOUT THAT.
LISTEN, LET'S TALK ABOUT GILDA
FOR A MOMENT.
LISTEN, LET'S TALK ABOUT GILDA
FOR A MOMENT.
SHE IS, PERHAPS, THE SWEETEST
FOR A MOMENT.
SHE IS, PERHAPS, THE SWEETEST
MEMBER OF THE GROUP.
SHE IS, PERHAPS, THE SWEETEST
MEMBER OF THE GROUP.
SHE'S GOT THE BIGGEST HEART.
MEMBER OF THE GROUP.
SHE'S GOT THE BIGGEST HEART.
SHE'S VERY CLOSE TO HER FAMILY,
SHE'S GOT THE BIGGEST HEART.
SHE'S VERY CLOSE TO HER FAMILY,
VERY CLOSE TO HER BROTHER.
SHE'S VERY CLOSE TO HER FAMILY,
VERY CLOSE TO HER BROTHER.
SHE LIVES WITH HER BROTHER.
VERY CLOSE TO HER BROTHER.
SHE LIVES WITH HER BROTHER.
SHE'S EXTREMELY CLOSE TO HER
SHE LIVES WITH HER BROTHER.
SHE'S EXTREMELY CLOSE TO HER
BROTHER.
SHE'S EXTREMELY CLOSE TO HER
BROTHER.
HER DOCTOR IS... WORRIED.
BROTHER.
HER DOCTOR IS... WORRIED.
NOT ALARMED... HE JUST THINKS A
HER DOCTOR IS... WORRIED.
NOT ALARMED... HE JUST THINKS A
CHILD AT THIS TIME WOULD BE
NOT ALARMED... HE JUST THINKS A
CHILD AT THIS TIME WOULD BE
UNWISE, BUT THESE THINGS DON'T
CHILD AT THIS TIME WOULD BE
UNWISE, BUT THESE THINGS DON'T
MATTER.
UNWISE, BUT THESE THINGS DON'T
MATTER.
LET'S TAKE GARRETT MORRIS.
MATTER.
LET'S TAKE GARRETT MORRIS.
TALK ABOUT TALENT!
LET'S TAKE GARRETT MORRIS.
TALK ABOUT TALENT!
HE CAN ACT.
TALK ABOUT TALENT!
HE CAN ACT.
HE CAN SING.
HE CAN ACT.
HE CAN SING.
HE CAN DANCE.
HE CAN SING.
HE CAN DANCE.
I'VE SEEN HIS WRITING.
HE CAN DANCE.
I'VE SEEN HIS WRITING.
IT'S SENSATIONAL.
I'VE SEEN HIS WRITING.
IT'S SENSATIONAL.
HE'S GOT ANOTHER TALENT YOU
IT'S SENSATIONAL.
HE'S GOT ANOTHER TALENT YOU
PROBABLY DON'T...
HE'S GOT ANOTHER TALENT YOU
PROBABLY DON'T...
HE'D BE EMBARRASSED IF I, UH,
PROBABLY DON'T...
HE'D BE EMBARRASSED IF I, UH,
TOLD YOU.
HE'D BE EMBARRASSED IF I, UH,
TOLD YOU.
OH, WELL.
TOLD YOU.
OH, WELL.
CANNIBALISM.
OH, WELL.
CANNIBALISM.
I MEAN, UH... I'M SORRY.
CANNIBALISM.
I MEAN, UH... I'M SORRY.
DID I SAY "CANNIBALISM"?
I MEAN, UH... I'M SORRY.
DID I SAY "CANNIBALISM"?
I MEANT SKIING.
DID I SAY "CANNIBALISM"?
I MEANT SKIING.
I MUST HAVE BEEN THINKING OF
I MEANT SKIING.
I MUST HAVE BEEN THINKING OF
THE ALPS AND THE ANDES AND
I MUST HAVE BEEN THINKING OF
THE ALPS AND THE ANDES AND
THAT PLANE... WELL, WHAT DOES IT
THE ALPS AND THE ANDES AND
THAT PLANE... WELL, WHAT DOES IT
MATTER?
THAT PLANE... WELL, WHAT DOES IT
MATTER?
HE SKIS, AND HE'S A WONDERFUL
MATTER?
HE SKIS, AND HE'S A WONDERFUL
COOK, AND HE GOES UP TO THAT
HE SKIS, AND HE'S A WONDERFUL
COOK, AND HE GOES UP TO THAT
LODGE IN THE ANDES, AND HE
COOK, AND HE GOES UP TO THAT
LODGE IN THE ANDES, AND HE
COOKS, AND, UH...
LODGE IN THE ANDES, AND HE
COOKS, AND, UH...
LEG OF WHITE MAN, STUFF LIKE
COOKS, AND, UH...
LEG OF WHITE MAN, STUFF LIKE
THAT.
LEG OF WHITE MAN, STUFF LIKE
THAT.
HE'S AN INCREDIBLE GUY.
THAT.
HE'S AN INCREDIBLE GUY.
NOW LET'S TALK ABOUT CHEVY.
HE'S AN INCREDIBLE GUY.
NOW LET'S TALK ABOUT CHEVY.
IT'S HIS LAST SHOW, AND YOU
NOW LET'S TALK ABOUT CHEVY.
IT'S HIS LAST SHOW, AND YOU
PROBABLY THINK FROM READING IN
IT'S HIS LAST SHOW, AND YOU
PROBABLY THINK FROM READING IN
THE PAPERS THAT HE'S GOING TO
PROBABLY THINK FROM READING IN
THE PAPERS THAT HE'S GOING TO
HOLLYWOOD AND HE'S GOING TO
THE PAPERS THAT HE'S GOING TO
HOLLYWOOD AND HE'S GOING TO
FAME, FORTUNE, AND ALL THAT
HOLLYWOOD AND HE'S GOING TO
FAME, FORTUNE, AND ALL THAT
GARBAGE.
FAME, FORTUNE, AND ALL THAT
GARBAGE.
HE IS NOT INTERESTED.
GARBAGE.
HE IS NOT INTERESTED.
HE DOESN'T GIVE A HOOT ABOUT HIS
HE IS NOT INTERESTED.
HE DOESN'T GIVE A HOOT ABOUT HIS
CAREER.
HE DOESN'T GIVE A HOOT ABOUT HIS
CAREER.
HE IS LEAVING THIS SHOW MONDAY
CAREER.
HE IS LEAVING THIS SHOW MONDAY
SIMPLY TO BE WITH LLOYD.
HE IS LEAVING THIS SHOW MONDAY
SIMPLY TO BE WITH LLOYD.
THEY'RE OPENING A DRESS SHOP
SIMPLY TO BE WITH LLOYD.
THEY'RE OPENING A DRESS SHOP
TOGETHER, AND WITH WHAT LLOYD
THEY'RE OPENING A DRESS SHOP
TOGETHER, AND WITH WHAT LLOYD
KNOWS ABOUT BUSINESS AND
TOGETHER, AND WITH WHAT LLOYD
KNOWS ABOUT BUSINESS AND
CHEVY'S INTEREST IN AND
KNOWS ABOUT BUSINESS AND
CHEVY'S INTEREST IN AND
KNOWLEDGE ABOUT WOMEN'S CLOTHES,
CHEVY'S INTEREST IN AND
KNOWLEDGE ABOUT WOMEN'S CLOTHES,
WE KNOW IT'S GONNA BE
KNOWLEDGE ABOUT WOMEN'S CLOTHES,
WE KNOW IT'S GONNA BE
SUCCESSFUL, AND WE WISH HIM THE
WE KNOW IT'S GONNA BE
SUCCESSFUL, AND WE WISH HIM THE
VERY BEST, AND WE'LL BE RIGHT
SUCCESSFUL, AND WE WISH HIM THE
VERY BEST, AND WE'LL BE RIGHT
BACK.
VERY BEST, AND WE'LL BE RIGHT
BACK.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Announcer: AND NOW ANOTHER
EPISODE OF...
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
[PHONE BUZZES]
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
[PHONE BUZZES]
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
Mr. Dantley's here to see
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
Mr. Dantley's here to see
you.
Mr. Dantley's here to see
you.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
you.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
MR. MIKARAKI?
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
MR. MIKARAKI?
HUH?
MR. MIKARAKI?
HUH?
MIKARAKI... MR. MIKARAKI?
HUH?
MIKARAKI... MR. MIKARAKI?
LISTEN, I, UH... I'M GONNA GET
MIKARAKI... MR. MIKARAKI?
LISTEN, I, UH... I'M GONNA GET
RIGHT TO THE POINT.
LISTEN, I, UH... I'M GONNA GET
RIGHT TO THE POINT.
I AM VERY, VERY UNHAPPY.
RIGHT TO THE POINT.
I AM VERY, VERY UNHAPPY.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
I AM VERY, VERY UNHAPPY.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
NO, THANKS, I'M TRYING TO
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
NO, THANKS, I'M TRYING TO
STOP SMOKING.
NO, THANKS, I'M TRYING TO
STOP SMOKING.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
STOP SMOKING.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
NOW... NOW, LISTEN TO ME.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
NOW... NOW, LISTEN TO ME.
THE MARGIN CALL THIS MORNING ON
NOW... NOW, LISTEN TO ME.
THE MARGIN CALL THIS MORNING ON
MY STOCKS WAS HIGHER THAN EVER.
THE MARGIN CALL THIS MORNING ON
MY STOCKS WAS HIGHER THAN EVER.
I'M STARTING TO PANIC.
MY STOCKS WAS HIGHER THAN EVER.
I'M STARTING TO PANIC.
DO YOU REALIZE THAT ONE YEAR AGO
I'M STARTING TO PANIC.
DO YOU REALIZE THAT ONE YEAR AGO
I WAS ON TOP OF THE WORLD?
DO YOU REALIZE THAT ONE YEAR AGO
I WAS ON TOP OF THE WORLD?
I WAS SUPPORTING MY WIFE AND MY
I WAS ON TOP OF THE WORLD?
I WAS SUPPORTING MY WIFE AND MY
THREE CHILDREN.
I WAS SUPPORTING MY WIFE AND MY
THREE CHILDREN.
I ALSO HAD THAT APARTMENT IN
THREE CHILDREN.
I ALSO HAD THAT APARTMENT IN
TOWN WITH A LITTLE FRIEND OF
I ALSO HAD THAT APARTMENT IN
TOWN WITH A LITTLE FRIEND OF
MINE.
TOWN WITH A LITTLE FRIEND OF
MINE.
YOU KNOW WHAT I... YEAH.
MINE.
YOU KNOW WHAT I... YEAH.
BUT TODAY, IT'S A DIFFERENT
YOU KNOW WHAT I... YEAH.
BUT TODAY, IT'S A DIFFERENT
STORY ALTOGETHER.
BUT TODAY, IT'S A DIFFERENT
STORY ALTOGETHER.
I BELIEVED IN YOU.
STORY ALTOGETHER.
I BELIEVED IN YOU.
I TOOK ALL MY SHARES OF IBM,
I BELIEVED IN YOU.
I TOOK ALL MY SHARES OF IBM,
AT&T, AND GENERAL MOTORS, I SOLD
I TOOK ALL MY SHARES OF IBM,
AT&T, AND GENERAL MOTORS, I SOLD
THEM EXACTLY AS YOU TOLD ME TO,
AT&T, AND GENERAL MOTORS, I SOLD
THEM EXACTLY AS YOU TOLD ME TO,
AND I INVESTED THEM IN THAT
THEM EXACTLY AS YOU TOLD ME TO,
AND I INVESTED THEM IN THAT
CHAIN OF GAY SUSHI BARS.
AND I INVESTED THEM IN THAT
CHAIN OF GAY SUSHI BARS.
BUT IT DIDN'T WORK.
CHAIN OF GAY SUSHI BARS.
BUT IT DIDN'T WORK.
IT AMOUNTED TO NOTHING.
BUT IT DIDN'T WORK.
IT AMOUNTED TO NOTHING.
THE STOCK'S GONE DOWN 11 POINTS.
IT AMOUNTED TO NOTHING.
THE STOCK'S GONE DOWN 11 POINTS.
LOOK AT IT.
THE STOCK'S GONE DOWN 11 POINTS.
LOOK AT IT.
YOU SAID THAT THIS STOCK WOULD
LOOK AT IT.
YOU SAID THAT THIS STOCK WOULD
SPLIT, 3 FOR 1.
YOU SAID THAT THIS STOCK WOULD
SPLIT, 3 FOR 1.
[SHOUTING IN NATIVE
SPLIT, 3 FOR 1.
[SHOUTING IN NATIVE
LANGUAGE]
[SHOUTING IN NATIVE
LANGUAGE]
WELL, I SUPPOSE THAT'S...
[LANGUAGE]
WELL, I SUPPOSE THAT'S...
THAT'S A LITTLE BIT BETTER, BUT
WELL, I SUPPOSE THAT'S...
THAT'S A LITTLE BIT BETTER, BUT
THAT'S NOT EXACTLY WHAT I'M
THAT'S A LITTLE BIT BETTER, BUT
THAT'S NOT EXACTLY WHAT I'M
TALKING ABOUT.
THAT'S NOT EXACTLY WHAT I'M
TALKING ABOUT.
ALL I KNOW IS THAT THE THIRD
TALKING ABOUT.
ALL I KNOW IS THAT THE THIRD
QUARTER NET OF KENTUCKY MINES
ALL I KNOW IS THAT THE THIRD
QUARTER NET OF KENTUCKY MINES
WAS UP 6.2%.
QUARTER NET OF KENTUCKY MINES
WAS UP 6.2%.
LOOK AT THIS GRAPH.
WAS UP 6.2%.
LOOK AT THIS GRAPH.
LOOK, IT WENT RIGHT UP HERE, AND
LOOK AT THIS GRAPH.
LOOK, IT WENT RIGHT UP HERE, AND
WHAT HAPPENED?
LOOK, IT WENT RIGHT UP HERE, AND
WHAT HAPPENED?
SEPTEMBER, OCTOBER, NOVEMBER...
WHAT HAPPENED?
SEPTEMBER, OCTOBER, NOVEMBER...
INTO THE WELL-KNOWN TOILET!
SEPTEMBER, OCTOBER, NOVEMBER...
INTO THE WELL-KNOWN TOILET!
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
I SEE WHAT YOU MEAN, BUT...
BUT I NEED SECURITY!
THAT'S THE POINT.
BUT I NEED SECURITY!
THAT'S THE POINT.
LOOK, CONSIDERING MY ASSETS,
THAT'S THE POINT.
LOOK, CONSIDERING MY ASSETS,
WHATEVER THEY MAY BE AT THIS
LOOK, CONSIDERING MY ASSETS,
WHATEVER THEY MAY BE AT THIS
POINT, WOULD YOU THINK...
WHATEVER THEY MAY BE AT THIS
POINT, WOULD YOU THINK...
WOULD YOU THINK THAT
POINT, WOULD YOU THINK...
WOULD YOU THINK THAT
FOLDGER MUTUAL WOULD BE A GOOD
WOULD YOU THINK THAT
FOLDGER MUTUAL WOULD BE A GOOD
INVESTMENT?
FOLDGER MUTUAL WOULD BE A GOOD
INVESTMENT?
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
INVESTMENT?
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
WHAT?
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
WHAT?
WHY DON'T YOU FIGURE IT OUT FOR
WHAT?
WHY DON'T YOU FIGURE IT OUT FOR
ME ON THE MACHINE?
WHY DON'T YOU FIGURE IT OUT FOR
ME ON THE MACHINE?
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
ME ON THE MACHINE?
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
OKAY, NOW, CONSOLIDATED SALES
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
OKAY, NOW, CONSOLIDATED SALES
AND REVENUES ROSE 16% TO
OKAY, NOW, CONSOLIDATED SALES
AND REVENUES ROSE 16% TO
2.307 BILLION.
AND REVENUES ROSE 16% TO
2.307 BILLION.
THAT'S THE NET INCOME.
2.307 BILLION.
THAT'S THE NET INCOME.
AT $454 MILLION, THERE WAS A
THAT'S THE NET INCOME.
AT $454 MILLION, THERE WAS A
GAIN OF 91% FROM LAST YEAR.
AT $454 MILLION, THERE WAS A
GAIN OF 91% FROM LAST YEAR.
91%.
GAIN OF 91% FROM LAST YEAR.
91%.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
91%.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
91%!
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
91%!
[SHOUTING IN NATIVE
91%!
[SHOUTING IN NATIVE
LANGUAGE]
[SHOUTING IN NATIVE
LANGUAGE]
ALL RIGHT, MY QUESTION IS
[LANGUAGE]
ALL RIGHT, MY QUESTION IS
CONSIDERING THE EXCHANGE ON MY
ALL RIGHT, MY QUESTION IS
CONSIDERING THE EXCHANGE ON MY
STOCKS AND OPTIONS AT $3.95 A
CONSIDERING THE EXCHANGE ON MY
STOCKS AND OPTIONS AT $3.95 A
SHARE, HOW MANY SHARES CAN I NOW
STOCKS AND OPTIONS AT $3.95 A
SHARE, HOW MANY SHARES CAN I NOW
AFFORD TO BUY?
SHARE, HOW MANY SHARES CAN I NOW
AFFORD TO BUY?
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
FOUR?
FOUR?!
I'M WIPED OUT!
FOUR?!
I'M WIPED OUT!
I'M BANKRUPT!
I'M WIPED OUT!
I'M BANKRUPT!
IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE TELLING ME?
I'M BANKRUPT!
IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE TELLING ME?
BECAUSE OF YOUR ADVICE.
IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE TELLING ME?
BECAUSE OF YOUR ADVICE.
BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU TOLD ME TO
BECAUSE OF YOUR ADVICE.
BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU TOLD ME TO
DO, I AM TOTALLY BANKRUPT.
BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU TOLD ME TO
DO, I AM TOTALLY BANKRUPT.
IT IS ALL YOUR FAULT.
DO, I AM TOTALLY BANKRUPT.
IT IS ALL YOUR FAULT.
I'M SHOCKED.
IT IS ALL YOUR FAULT.
I'M SHOCKED.
I EXPECTED GOOD ADVICE FROM YOU.
I'M SHOCKED.
I EXPECTED GOOD ADVICE FROM YOU.
AND WHAT DO I GET?
I EXPECTED GOOD ADVICE FROM YOU.
AND WHAT DO I GET?
MY OWN BROKER... HE TOLD ME THE
AND WHAT DO I GET?
MY OWN BROKER... HE TOLD ME THE
WORST THINGS TO DO, AND I PAY
MY OWN BROKER... HE TOLD ME THE
WORST THINGS TO DO, AND I PAY
ATTENTION TO HIM, AND I...
WORST THINGS TO DO, AND I PAY
ATTENTION TO HIM, AND I...
[GRUNTS]
ATTENTION TO HIM, AND I...
[GRUNTS]
WAIT A SECOND, WAIT A SECOND.
[GRUNTS]
WAIT A SECOND, WAIT A SECOND.
IT'S NOT ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT.
WAIT A SECOND, WAIT A SECOND.
IT'S NOT ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT.
I TAKE IT BACK.
IT'S NOT ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT.
I TAKE IT BACK.
I'M SORRY.
I TAKE IT BACK.
I'M SORRY.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
I'M SORRY.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
I'M SORRY.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
I'M SORRY.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
I'M SORRY.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
I KNOW, BUT YOU CAN PLUG IT
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
I KNOW, BUT YOU CAN PLUG IT
UP.
I KNOW, BUT YOU CAN PLUG IT
UP.
I SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE CAREFUL
UP.
I SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE CAREFUL
WITH MY INVESTMENTS MYSELF.
I SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE CAREFUL
WITH MY INVESTMENTS MYSELF.
I KNOW THAT.
WITH MY INVESTMENTS MYSELF.
I KNOW THAT.
I SHOULD HAVE HAD A SAVINGS
I KNOW THAT.
I SHOULD HAVE HAD A SAVINGS
ACCOUNT.
I SHOULD HAVE HAD A SAVINGS
ACCOUNT.
I'M IN DEBT UP TO HERE.
ACCOUNT.
I'M IN DEBT UP TO HERE.
I OWE EVERYONE MONEY.
I'M IN DEBT UP TO HERE.
I OWE EVERYONE MONEY.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
I OWE EVERYONE MONEY.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
I KNOW THAT THE STRESS YOU GO
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
I KNOW THAT THE STRESS YOU GO
THROUGH WITH WALL STREET IS A
I KNOW THAT THE STRESS YOU GO
THROUGH WITH WALL STREET IS A
BIG AGGRAVATION.
THROUGH WITH WALL STREET IS A
BIG AGGRAVATION.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
BIG AGGRAVATION.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
AN ULCER?
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
AN ULCER?
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
AN ULCER?
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
OH, WELL.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
OH, WELL.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
OH, WELL.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
I KNOW, BUT I'LL TELL YOU
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
I KNOW, BUT I'LL TELL YOU
SOMETHING... IF THIS OFFICE HAD
I KNOW, BUT I'LL TELL YOU
SOMETHING... IF THIS OFFICE HAD
A WINDOW, I'D JUMP OUT OF IT.
SOMETHING... IF THIS OFFICE HAD
A WINDOW, I'D JUMP OUT OF IT.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
A WINDOW, I'D JUMP OUT OF IT.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
YEAH.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
YEAH.
OH, YEAH.
YEAH.
OH, YEAH.
[SCREAMING]
Announcer: TUNE IN NEXT WEEK
FOR ANOTHER EPISODE OF...
GOOD EVENING.
I'M BARBARA WAWA, AND WELCOME TO
"NOT FOR FIRST WADIES ONWY."
I'M BARBARA WAWA, AND WELCOME TO
"NOT FOR FIRST WADIES ONWY."
YOU KNOW, MANY PEOPLE DON'T
"NOT FOR FIRST WADIES ONWY."
YOU KNOW, MANY PEOPLE DON'T
WEALIZE THAT WHEN THEY EWECT A
YOU KNOW, MANY PEOPLE DON'T
WEALIZE THAT WHEN THEY EWECT A
PWESIDENT, THEY EWECT A FIRST
WEALIZE THAT WHEN THEY EWECT A
PWESIDENT, THEY EWECT A FIRST
WADY, TOO.
PWESIDENT, THEY EWECT A FIRST
WADY, TOO.
SO TONIGHT, SO I WANT TO
WADY, TOO.
SO TONIGHT, SO I WANT TO
ACQUAINT THE AMERICAN PEOPLE
SO TONIGHT, SO I WANT TO
ACQUAINT THE AMERICAN PEOPLE
WITH THE CANDIDATES FOR THAT
ACQUAINT THE AMERICAN PEOPLE
WITH THE CANDIDATES FOR THAT
POSITION.
WITH THE CANDIDATES FOR THAT
POSITION.
MRS. BETTY FORD AND
POSITION.
MRS. BETTY FORD AND
MRS. WOSALYNN CARTER.
MRS. BETTY FORD AND
MRS. WOSALYNN CARTER.
HELLO, WADIES.
MRS. WOSALYNN CARTER.
HELLO, WADIES.
HOW DO YOU DO?
HELLO, WADIES.
HOW DO YOU DO?
HELLO, BARBARA.
HOW DO YOU DO?
HELLO, BARBARA.
NOW, WE'RE GOING TO DO THIS
HELLO, BARBARA.
NOW, WE'RE GOING TO DO THIS
IN AN EXTWEMELY UNPWESSURED
NOW, WE'RE GOING TO DO THIS
IN AN EXTWEMELY UNPWESSURED
MANNER.
IN AN EXTWEMELY UNPWESSURED
MANNER.
THIS WILL BE A FWEE-FORM FOWUM,
MANNER.
THIS WILL BE A FWEE-FORM FOWUM,
FWANK AND FWENDLY, WHERE WE
THIS WILL BE A FWEE-FORM FOWUM,
FWANK AND FWENDLY, WHERE WE
WEALLY WELATE.
FWANK AND FWENDLY, WHERE WE
WEALLY WELATE.
ALL WIGHT.
WEALLY WELATE.
ALL WIGHT.
THE FIRST THING I'D LIKE TO
ALL WIGHT.
THE FIRST THING I'D LIKE TO
KNOW, MRS. FORD... WHAT HAS MADE
THE FIRST THING I'D LIKE TO
KNOW, MRS. FORD... WHAT HAS MADE
YOU A GWEAT FIRST WADY?
KNOW, MRS. FORD... WHAT HAS MADE
YOU A GWEAT FIRST WADY?
WELL, I THINK IT'S BECAUSE
YOU A GWEAT FIRST WADY?
WELL, I THINK IT'S BECAUSE
I'M THE KIND OF PERSON THAT YOU
WELL, I THINK IT'S BECAUSE
I'M THE KIND OF PERSON THAT YOU
CAN'T PICTURE GOING TO THE
I'M THE KIND OF PERSON THAT YOU
CAN'T PICTURE GOING TO THE
BATHROOM.
CAN'T PICTURE GOING TO THE
BATHROOM.
WELL, THAT'S CERTAINWY TWUE.
BATHROOM.
WELL, THAT'S CERTAINWY TWUE.
YES, BUT AREN'T THERE MORE
WELL, THAT'S CERTAINWY TWUE.
YES, BUT AREN'T THERE MORE
IMPORTANT TWAITS REQUIRED?
YES, BUT AREN'T THERE MORE
IMPORTANT TWAITS REQUIRED?
WHY, FOR EXAMPLE, SHOULDN'T THE
IMPORTANT TWAITS REQUIRED?
WHY, FOR EXAMPLE, SHOULDN'T THE
FIRST WADY HAVE A SPECIAL
WHY, FOR EXAMPLE, SHOULDN'T THE
FIRST WADY HAVE A SPECIAL
CWOSENESS WITH HER HUSBAND?
FIRST WADY HAVE A SPECIAL
CWOSENESS WITH HER HUSBAND?
LET ME ASK YOU A VERY FWANK
CWOSENESS WITH HER HUSBAND?
LET ME ASK YOU A VERY FWANK
QUESTION... THE KIND I'M SO
LET ME ASK YOU A VERY FWANK
QUESTION... THE KIND I'M SO
FAMOUS FOR.
QUESTION... THE KIND I'M SO
FAMOUS FOR.
DO EITHER OF YOU TWO WADIES
FAMOUS FOR.
DO EITHER OF YOU TWO WADIES
STILL EVER SWEEP WITH YOUR
DO EITHER OF YOU TWO WADIES
STILL EVER SWEEP WITH YOUR
HUSBANDS?
STILL EVER SWEEP WITH YOUR
HUSBANDS?
WELL, AS YOU KNOW, THE PRESS
HUSBANDS?
WELL, AS YOU KNOW, THE PRESS
HAS QUOTED ME AS SAYING, "I
WELL, AS YOU KNOW, THE PRESS
HAS QUOTED ME AS SAYING, "I
SLEEP WITH MY HUSBAND WHENEVER I
HAS QUOTED ME AS SAYING, "I
SLEEP WITH MY HUSBAND WHENEVER I
CAN," AND IT'S TRUE.
SLEEP WITH MY HUSBAND WHENEVER I
CAN," AND IT'S TRUE.
I MEAN, WHEN I'M NOT OUT
CAN," AND IT'S TRUE.
I MEAN, WHEN I'M NOT OUT
CAMPAIGNING OR ATTENDING AFFAIRS
I MEAN, WHEN I'M NOT OUT
CAMPAIGNING OR ATTENDING AFFAIRS
OF STATE, I'M SLEEPING WITH MY
CAMPAIGNING OR ATTENDING AFFAIRS
OF STATE, I'M SLEEPING WITH MY
HUSBAND.
OF STATE, I'M SLEEPING WITH MY
HUSBAND.
BEFORE LUNCH, AFTER DINNER, IN
HUSBAND.
BEFORE LUNCH, AFTER DINNER, IN
ELEVATORS, BEHIND BIG STATUES,
BEFORE LUNCH, AFTER DINNER, IN
ELEVATORS, BEHIND BIG STATUES,
I'M SLEEPING WITH MY HUSBAND
ELEVATORS, BEHIND BIG STATUES,
I'M SLEEPING WITH MY HUSBAND
WHENEVER I CAN.
I'M SLEEPING WITH MY HUSBAND
WHENEVER I CAN.
AND WHENEVER I CAN'T, I STAY
WHENEVER I CAN.
AND WHENEVER I CAN'T, I STAY
AWAKE WITH MY HUSBAND AND DO YOU
AND WHENEVER I CAN'T, I STAY
AWAKE WITH MY HUSBAND AND DO YOU
KNOW WHAT.
AWAKE WITH MY HUSBAND AND DO YOU
KNOW WHAT.
UH, AND WHAT ABOUT YOU,
KNOW WHAT.
UH, AND WHAT ABOUT YOU,
MRS. CARTER?
UH, AND WHAT ABOUT YOU,
MRS. CARTER?
WELL, AS YOU KNOW, MY HUSBAND
MRS. CARTER?
WELL, AS YOU KNOW, MY HUSBAND
AND I LUST AFTER EACH OTHER IN
WELL, AS YOU KNOW, MY HUSBAND
AND I LUST AFTER EACH OTHER IN
OUR MINDS.
AND I LUST AFTER EACH OTHER IN
OUR MINDS.
AND WHEN THE MOOD IS RIGHT, WE
OUR MINDS.
AND WHEN THE MOOD IS RIGHT, WE
DO IT EXACTLY AT THE SAME TIME.
AND WHEN THE MOOD IS RIGHT, WE
DO IT EXACTLY AT THE SAME TIME.
YES, BUT I STILL DON'T SEE
DO IT EXACTLY AT THE SAME TIME.
YES, BUT I STILL DON'T SEE
HOW YOU'RE SUPPORTIVE OF YOUR
YES, BUT I STILL DON'T SEE
HOW YOU'RE SUPPORTIVE OF YOUR
HUSBANDS.
HOW YOU'RE SUPPORTIVE OF YOUR
HUSBANDS.
MRS. FORD?
HUSBANDS.
MRS. FORD?
WELL, I GIVE THOSE STUNNINGLY
MRS. FORD?
WELL, I GIVE THOSE STUNNINGLY
FRANK AND CANDID INTERVIEWS TO
WELL, I GIVE THOSE STUNNINGLY
FRANK AND CANDID INTERVIEWS TO
THE PRESS, WHICH MAKE ME APPEAR
FRANK AND CANDID INTERVIEWS TO
THE PRESS, WHICH MAKE ME APPEAR
INTELLIGENT AND AWARE AND HELP
THE PRESS, WHICH MAKE ME APPEAR
INTELLIGENT AND AWARE AND HELP
DISGUISE THE FACT THAT MY
INTELLIGENT AND AWARE AND HELP
DISGUISE THE FACT THAT MY
HUSBAND IS A DIM BULB.
DISGUISE THE FACT THAT MY
HUSBAND IS A DIM BULB.
UH, MRS CARTER?
HUSBAND IS A DIM BULB.
UH, MRS CARTER?
WELL, MY ONLY RESPONSE TO
UH, MRS CARTER?
WELL, MY ONLY RESPONSE TO
THAT IS THAT HE WON THE
WELL, MY ONLY RESPONSE TO
THAT IS THAT HE WON THE
PRIMARIES, HE GOT THE
THAT IS THAT HE WON THE
PRIMARIES, HE GOT THE
NOMINATION, HE RAN A TERRIFIC
PRIMARIES, HE GOT THE
NOMINATION, HE RAN A TERRIFIC
CAMPAIGN, AND I HELPED.
NOMINATION, HE RAN A TERRIFIC
CAMPAIGN, AND I HELPED.
ALL RIGHT, WADIES, LET'S GET
CAMPAIGN, AND I HELPED.
ALL RIGHT, WADIES, LET'S GET
SEWIOUS.
ALL RIGHT, WADIES, LET'S GET
SEWIOUS.
NEITHER OF YOU TWULY QUALIFIES
SEWIOUS.
NEITHER OF YOU TWULY QUALIFIES
TO BE FIRST WADY.
NEITHER OF YOU TWULY QUALIFIES
TO BE FIRST WADY.
I MEAN, YOU AREN'T ARTICUWATE.
TO BE FIRST WADY.
I MEAN, YOU AREN'T ARTICUWATE.
YOU AREN'T INFORMED.
I MEAN, YOU AREN'T ARTICUWATE.
YOU AREN'T INFORMED.
YOU AREN'T GWAMOROUS.
YOU AREN'T INFORMED.
YOU AREN'T GWAMOROUS.
YOU AREN'T ME.
YOU AREN'T GWAMOROUS.
YOU AREN'T ME.
I MEAN, WEALLY, WHO DOES DESERVE
YOU AREN'T ME.
I MEAN, WEALLY, WHO DOES DESERVE
TO BE FIRST WADY?
I MEAN, WEALLY, WHO DOES DESERVE
TO BE FIRST WADY?
ME... BARBARA WAWA.
TO BE FIRST WADY?
ME... BARBARA WAWA.
FIRST WADY OF TEWEVISION.
ME... BARBARA WAWA.
FIRST WADY OF TEWEVISION.
DON'T YOU AGWEE?
FIRST WADY OF TEWEVISION.
DON'T YOU AGWEE?
HAVE YOU GOT ANY PET NAMES
DON'T YOU AGWEE?
HAVE YOU GOT ANY PET NAMES
FOR YOUR HUSBAND?
HAVE YOU GOT ANY PET NAMES
FOR YOUR HUSBAND?
OH, WELL, JIMMY... WHEN HE
FOR YOUR HUSBAND?
OH, WELL, JIMMY... WHEN HE
DRESSES UP LIKE
OH, WELL, JIMMY... WHEN HE
DRESSES UP LIKE
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT... THEN I CALL
DRESSES UP LIKE
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT... THEN I CALL
HIM "ELLE" OR "ELEANOR" OR
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT... THEN I CALL
HIM "ELLE" OR "ELEANOR" OR
"MRS. ROOSEVELT."
HIM "ELLE" OR "ELEANOR" OR
"MRS. ROOSEVELT."
WHAT DO YOU CALL JERRY?
"MRS. ROOSEVELT."
WHAT DO YOU CALL JERRY?
WELL, OF COURSE, THERE'S
WHAT DO YOU CALL JERRY?
WELL, OF COURSE, THERE'S
DIM BULB.
WELL, OF COURSE, THERE'S
DIM BULB.
MR. DIM BULB.
DIM BULB.
MR. DIM BULB.
WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.
MR. DIM BULB.
WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.
OF COURSE, I HAVE A TERWIFFIC
WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.
OF COURSE, I HAVE A TERWIFFIC
PERSONALITY.
OF COURSE, I HAVE A TERWIFFIC
PERSONALITY.
I'M NOT TOO WIPPLE.
PERSONALITY.
I'M NOT TOO WIPPLE.
I WOVE BWASS, THOUGH.
I'M NOT TOO WIPPLE.
I WOVE BWASS, THOUGH.
I CAN SAY "HARRY WEESNER."
I WOVE BWASS, THOUGH.
I CAN SAY "HARRY WEESNER."
HARRY WEESNER?
I CAN SAY "HARRY WEESNER."
HARRY WEESNER?
HARRY WEE...
HARRY WEESNER?
HARRY WEE...
[LAUGHS]
HARRY WEE...
[LAUGHS]
AND THAT CHICKEN HEAD!
[LAUGHS]
AND THAT CHICKEN HEAD!
I WOULD WIKE TO BE FIRST.
AND THAT CHICKEN HEAD!
I WOULD WIKE TO BE FIRST.
PWETTY PWEASE?
I WOULD WIKE TO BE FIRST.
PWETTY PWEASE?
COULD I BE FIRST WADY?
COULD I BE FIRST WADY?
PWEASE.
PWEASE.
I WOULD WEALLY LIKE TO BE.
I WOULD WEALLY LIKE TO BE.
Announcer: THIS HAS BEEN
Announcer: THIS HAS BEEN
BARBARA WAWA WITH...
HELLO.
I'M GARRETT MORRIS.
I'M A BLACK PERSON.
I'M GARRETT MORRIS.
I'M A BLACK PERSON.
RECENTLY, I BECAME INTERESTED IN
I'M A BLACK PERSON.
RECENTLY, I BECAME INTERESTED IN
MY BACKGROUND.
RECENTLY, I BECAME INTERESTED IN
MY BACKGROUND.
WHO AM I?
MY BACKGROUND.
WHO AM I?
WHERE DID I COME FROM?
WHO AM I?
WHERE DID I COME FROM?
THREE YEARS LOOKING THROUGH
WHERE DID I COME FROM?
THREE YEARS LOOKING THROUGH
DOCUMENTS, MEMORABILIA, AS WELL
THREE YEARS LOOKING THROUGH
DOCUMENTS, MEMORABILIA, AS WELL
AS WORLDWIDE TRAVEL, TRYING TO
DOCUMENTS, MEMORABILIA, AS WELL
AS WORLDWIDE TRAVEL, TRYING TO
FIND OUT MY ROOTS, BUT I FOUND
AS WORLDWIDE TRAVEL, TRYING TO
FIND OUT MY ROOTS, BUT I FOUND
OUT THAT THE MORRISES ARE TRULY
FIND OUT MY ROOTS, BUT I FOUND
OUT THAT THE MORRISES ARE TRULY
AN AMERICAN FAMILY.
OUT THAT THE MORRISES ARE TRULY
AN AMERICAN FAMILY.
IT ALL STARTED EARLY IN THE
AN AMERICAN FAMILY.
IT ALL STARTED EARLY IN THE
SPRING OF 1760 IN THE VILLAGE OF
IT ALL STARTED EARLY IN THE
SPRING OF 1760 IN THE VILLAGE OF
JAFAR, FOUR DAYS UPRIVER FROM
SPRING OF 1760 IN THE VILLAGE OF
JAFAR, FOUR DAYS UPRIVER FROM
THE COAST OF GAMBIA,
JAFAR, FOUR DAYS UPRIVER FROM
THE COAST OF GAMBIA,
WEST AFRICA.
AN ILLEGITIMATE CHILD WAS BORN
TO KINWAY AND BOTO.
NOW, IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL GIRL,
AND THEY CALLED HER REBA.
NOW, THOUGH KINWAY AND BOTO
REMAINED TO FACE THE WILES OF
AFRICA, THEY LONGED FOR A BETTER
WORLD FOR REBA, AND IT WAS HERE
THAT THE MORRISES BECAME PART OF
AMERICAN HERITAGE WHEN REBA CAME
TO AMERICA AND WAS EVENTUALLY
GANG-RAPED BY ALL THE SIGNERS OF
THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE.
NOW, SOON, REBA WAS WITH CHILD,
BUT WHOSE?
SHE GAVE BIRTH TO A BABY BOY,
AND BECAUSE NO ONE KNEW WHO THE
FATHER WAS, NO LAST NAME WAS
GIVEN, AND THEN, THE CHILD WAS
CALLED TED.
TED GREW UP BITTER, KNOWING WHAT
THE FOUNDING FATHERS DID TO HIS
MOTHER, AND TO AVENGE THIS DEED,
TED, AT THE AGE OF 7, HAD AN
AFFAIR WITH THE WIVES OF
ALEXANDER HAMILTON, GENERAL
GEORGE DUNCAN, ETHAN ALLEN, AND
GOVERNOR ROBERT VALENTINE.
OF COURSE, TED WAS HANGED, BUT
NOT BEFORE THESE FAMOUS WOMEN
BORE HIS CHILDREN...
WILLIAM HAMILTON, WALTER DUNCAN,
MARJORIE DUNCAN, LEWIS ALLEN,
AND, OF COURSE,
FRANKLIN VALENTINE.
NOW, THIS WAS 1860, ABOUT THE
TIME OF THE CIVIL WAR, WHEN,
ORDINARILY, BLACK PEOPLE WERE
ENSLAVED.
HOWEVER, BY THIS TIME, THE
MORRIS FAMILY WAS NOT DARK
ENOUGH TO BE SLAVES AND GOT AWAY
WITH JUST PAYING JUST A SMALL
FINE.
NOW, THESE ILLUSTRIOUS CHILDREN
MARRIED, WITH MARJORIE DUNCAN
TAKING CONFEDERATE GENERAL
GEORGE LITTLE AS HER HUSBAND.
TO ALL OF THEM CAME CHILDREN...
WALTER HAMILTON, ISAIAH DUNCAN,
ROBERT LITTLE, DANIEL ALLEN,
PATRICIA ALLEN,
ELIZABETH VALENTINE, AND, OF
COURSE, LLOYD VALENTINE.
UNTIL NOW, MY FAMILY HAD JUST
BEEN INVOLVED WITH POLITICS AND
THE MILITARY, BUT WE ROSE TO THE
OCCASION DURING THE INDUSTRIAL
REVOLUTION AS ISAIAH BECAME A
MANUFACTURER, AND WE ENTERED THE
ARTS WHEN ELIZABETH VALENTINE
MARRIED THE SCULPTOR
JOE DAVIDSON, AND THE
INTERNATIONAL SCENE WAS
PATRICIA ALLEN MARRYING FOREIGN
AMBASSADOR DAVID WINTERS.
AT THIS POINT, THE MORRIS FAMILY
BECAME PROMINENT AT THE TURN OF
THE CENTURY AS DAVID AND
PATRICIA HAD A SON NAMED
ARCHIBALD WINTERS.
AND THE DAVIDSONS, ASIDE FROM
HAVING A SON MICHAEL AND TWO
DAUGHTERS, ONE WHO MARRIED THE
THEN-CONGRESSMAN
ADLAI STEVENSON AND ANOTHER WHO
MARRIED BRIGADIER GENERAL
DANIEL LYNN, THESE OTHER
CHILDREN, IN ADDITION TO THE
MARRIAGE OF HAMILTON'S DAUGHTER
JODIE TO MARSHALL PLAN AUTHOR
GENERAL GEORGE C. MARSHALL, WAS
ACTUALLY THE BEGINNING OF A
FAMILY SHOW-BUSINESS TRADITION
WHEN THE MARSHALLS HAD A SON
NAMED PETER, WHO, WITH
PAUL LYNDE, KAREN VALENTINE,
SANDY DUNCAN, JOHN DAVIDSON,
JONATHAN WINTERS,
McLEAN STEVENSON, RICH LITTLE,
GEORGE HAMILTON, AND MARTY ALLEN
FORM "THE HOLLYWOOD SQUARES!"
AND ME, GARRETT MORRIS... I'M
THE SECRET SQUARE.
THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME THIS
OPPORTUNITY.
GOOD NIGHT!
Announcer: AND NOW THE
LEAGUE OF WOMEN VOTERS TOGETHER
WITH THE THREE TELEVISION
NETWORKS PRESENTS DEBATE '76.
GOOD EVENING.
I'M YOUR MODERATOR AT THIS, THE
THIRD AND LAST TELEVISED DEBATE
I'M YOUR MODERATOR AT THIS, THE
THIRD AND LAST TELEVISED DEBATE
BETWEEN THE TWO FINALISTS FOR
THIRD AND LAST TELEVISED DEBATE
BETWEEN THE TWO FINALISTS FOR
THE PRESIDENCY OF THE
BETWEEN THE TWO FINALISTS FOR
THE PRESIDENCY OF THE
UNITED STATES... THE DEMOCRATIC
THE PRESIDENCY OF THE
UNITED STATES... THE DEMOCRATIC
NOMINEE, GOVERNOR JIMMY CARTER,
UNITED STATES... THE DEMOCRATIC
NOMINEE, GOVERNOR JIMMY CARTER,
AND THE REPUBLICAN NOMINEE,
NOMINEE, GOVERNOR JIMMY CARTER,
AND THE REPUBLICAN NOMINEE,
GERALD FORD.
AND THE REPUBLICAN NOMINEE,
GERALD FORD.
ON OUR PANEL THIS EVENING WILL
GERALD FORD.
ON OUR PANEL THIS EVENING WILL
BE ANTHONY LEWIS OF THE
ON OUR PANEL THIS EVENING WILL
BE ANTHONY LEWIS OF THE
NEW YORK TIMES,
BE ANTHONY LEWIS OF THE
NEW YORK TIMES,
ELIZABETH CUMMINGS OF
NEW YORK TIMES,
ELIZABETH CUMMINGS OF
WOMEN'S WEAR DAILY, AND
ELIZABETH CUMMINGS OF
WOMEN'S WEAR DAILY, AND
ROGER SMITH, THE HUSBAND OF
WOMEN'S WEAR DAILY, AND
ROGER SMITH, THE HUSBAND OF
ANN-MARGRET.
ROGER SMITH, THE HUSBAND OF
ANN-MARGRET.
AS YOU KNOW, THE FIRST DEBATE
ANN-MARGRET.
AS YOU KNOW, THE FIRST DEBATE
EARLIER THIS YEAR COVERED
AS YOU KNOW, THE FIRST DEBATE
EARLIER THIS YEAR COVERED
DOMESTIC ISSUES, AND THE SECOND
EARLIER THIS YEAR COVERED
DOMESTIC ISSUES, AND THE SECOND
CONFRONTATION CONCERNED THE
DOMESTIC ISSUES, AND THE SECOND
CONFRONTATION CONCERNED THE
CANDIDATES VIEWS ON OUR FOREIGN
CONFRONTATION CONCERNED THE
CANDIDATES VIEWS ON OUR FOREIGN
POLICIES.
CANDIDATES VIEWS ON OUR FOREIGN
POLICIES.
THIS THIRD AND LAST OF THE
POLICIES.
THIS THIRD AND LAST OF THE
MEETINGS WILL COVER THE
THIS THIRD AND LAST OF THE
MEETINGS WILL COVER THE
INDIVIDUAL CANDIDATES' BEAUTY,
MEETINGS WILL COVER THE
INDIVIDUAL CANDIDATES' BEAUTY,
TALENTS, AND POISE.
INDIVIDUAL CANDIDATES' BEAUTY,
TALENTS, AND POISE.
SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, LADIES
TALENTS, AND POISE.
SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN, THE SWIMSUIT
SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN, THE SWIMSUIT
COMPETITION.
AND GENTLEMEN, THE SWIMSUIT
COMPETITION.
[PIANO MUSIC PLAYS]
COMPETITION.
[PIANO MUSIC PLAYS]
YES, INDEED.
[PIANO MUSIC PLAYS]
YES, INDEED.
ISN'T HE LOVELY?
YES, INDEED.
ISN'T HE LOVELY?
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
ISN'T HE LOVELY?
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
MR. GEORGIA COMES TO US FROM THE
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
MR. GEORGIA COMES TO US FROM THE
TOWN OF PLAINS.
MR. GEORGIA COMES TO US FROM THE
TOWN OF PLAINS.
HE IS 5'10" IN HEIGHT, 160
TOWN OF PLAINS.
HE IS 5'10" IN HEIGHT, 160
POUNDS, AND HIS MEASUREMENTS ARE
HE IS 5'10" IN HEIGHT, 160
POUNDS, AND HIS MEASUREMENTS ARE
A VERY PLEASING 41-36-46.
POUNDS, AND HIS MEASUREMENTS ARE
A VERY PLEASING 41-36-46.
HE ENJOYS CATCHING FISH,
A VERY PLEASING 41-36-46.
HE ENJOYS CATCHING FISH,
CLEANING AND SCALING FISH, AND
HE ENJOYS CATCHING FISH,
CLEANING AND SCALING FISH, AND
SECRETLY LUSTING AFTER FISH.
CLEANING AND SCALING FISH, AND
SECRETLY LUSTING AFTER FISH.
AND NOW... THANK YOU,
SECRETLY LUSTING AFTER FISH.
AND NOW... THANK YOU,
MR. GEORGIA.
AND NOW... THANK YOU,
MR. GEORGIA.
AND NOW MR. UNITED STATES.
MR. GEORGIA.
AND NOW MR. UNITED STATES.
THE VERY CHARMING
AND NOW MR. UNITED STATES.
THE VERY CHARMING
MR. UNITED STATES COMES TO US
THE VERY CHARMING
MR. UNITED STATES COMES TO US
FROM WASHINGTON, D.C.
MR. UNITED STATES COMES TO US
FROM WASHINGTON, D.C.
HE IS USUALLY 6'1" TALL, WEIGHS
FROM WASHINGTON, D.C.
HE IS USUALLY 6'1" TALL, WEIGHS
175 POUNDS, AND HIS MEASUREMENTS
HE IS USUALLY 6'1" TALL, WEIGHS
175 POUNDS, AND HIS MEASUREMENTS
ARE AN EYE-CATCHING 42-33-38.
175 POUNDS, AND HIS MEASUREMENTS
ARE AN EYE-CATCHING 42-33-38.
HE ENJOYS SWIMMING, FOOTBALL,
ARE AN EYE-CATCHING 42-33-38.
HE ENJOYS SWIMMING, FOOTBALL,
AND, INEXPLICABLY, SENDING MEN
HE ENJOYS SWIMMING, FOOTBALL,
AND, INEXPLICABLY, SENDING MEN
INTO CAMBODIA.
AND, INEXPLICABLY, SENDING MEN
INTO CAMBODIA.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, GENTLEMEN.
INTO CAMBODIA.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, GENTLEMEN.
NOW, OF COURSE, WE COME TO THAT
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, GENTLEMEN.
NOW, OF COURSE, WE COME TO THAT
PART OF THE COMPETITION IN WHICH
NOW, OF COURSE, WE COME TO THAT
PART OF THE COMPETITION IN WHICH
EACH OF THE CANDIDATES
PART OF THE COMPETITION IN WHICH
EACH OF THE CANDIDATES
DEMONSTRATES HIS OR HER
EACH OF THE CANDIDATES
DEMONSTRATES HIS OR HER
ABILITIES IN AREAS OTHER THAN
DEMONSTRATES HIS OR HER
ABILITIES IN AREAS OTHER THAN
DOMESTIC OR FOREIGN-POLICY
ABILITIES IN AREAS OTHER THAN
DOMESTIC OR FOREIGN-POLICY
DECISIONS.
DOMESTIC OR FOREIGN-POLICY
DECISIONS.
THIS IS THE ALL-IMPORTANT TALENT
DECISIONS.
THIS IS THE ALL-IMPORTANT TALENT
SEGMENT.
THIS IS THE ALL-IMPORTANT TALENT
SEGMENT.
AS DECIDED BY A FLIP OF A COIN
SEGMENT.
AS DECIDED BY A FLIP OF A COIN
EARLIER IN PHILADELPHIA, THE
AS DECIDED BY A FLIP OF A COIN
EARLIER IN PHILADELPHIA, THE
FIRST PERFORMER WILL BE
EARLIER IN PHILADELPHIA, THE
FIRST PERFORMER WILL BE
MR. GEORGIA.
FIRST PERFORMER WILL BE
MR. GEORGIA.
UH, THANK YOU.
MR. GEORGIA.
UH, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
UH, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
MR. MODERATOR, AS YOU KNOW, I
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
MR. MODERATOR, AS YOU KNOW, I
HAVE MANY OTHER INTERESTS OTHER
MR. MODERATOR, AS YOU KNOW, I
HAVE MANY OTHER INTERESTS OTHER
THAN POLITICS.
HAVE MANY OTHER INTERESTS OTHER
THAN POLITICS.
I'M A FARMER, AND I ACTIVELY
THAN POLITICS.
I'M A FARMER, AND I ACTIVELY
PARTICIPATED IN THE
I'M A FARMER, AND I ACTIVELY
PARTICIPATED IN THE
UNITED STATES NAVY NUCLEAR
PARTICIPATED IN THE
UNITED STATES NAVY NUCLEAR
SUBMARINE PROGRAM WHEN I WAS IN
UNITED STATES NAVY NUCLEAR
SUBMARINE PROGRAM WHEN I WAS IN
THE NAVY.
SUBMARINE PROGRAM WHEN I WAS IN
THE NAVY.
AND I HAVE A GREAT DEAL OF
THE NAVY.
AND I HAVE A GREAT DEAL OF
INTEREST IN THE SCIENCE FIELD,
AND I HAVE A GREAT DEAL OF
INTEREST IN THE SCIENCE FIELD,
PARTICULARLY DENTISTRY BECAUSE I
INTEREST IN THE SCIENCE FIELD,
PARTICULARLY DENTISTRY BECAUSE I
HAVE SUCH A NICE SET OF TEETH.
PARTICULARLY DENTISTRY BECAUSE I
HAVE SUCH A NICE SET OF TEETH.
YOU KNOW, FOR MY TALENT TONIGHT,
HAVE SUCH A NICE SET OF TEETH.
YOU KNOW, FOR MY TALENT TONIGHT,
I'D LIKE TO PERFORM A LITTLE
YOU KNOW, FOR MY TALENT TONIGHT,
I'D LIKE TO PERFORM A LITTLE
DENTAL WORK ON A SECRET SERVICE
I'D LIKE TO PERFORM A LITTLE
DENTAL WORK ON A SECRET SERVICE
AGENT.
DENTAL WORK ON A SECRET SERVICE
AGENT.
GO RIGHT TO IT, MR. GEORGIA.
AGENT.
GO RIGHT TO IT, MR. GEORGIA.
AND TONIGHT, ASSISTING ME, I
GO RIGHT TO IT, MR. GEORGIA.
AND TONIGHT, ASSISTING ME, I
HAVE MR. JOE MORGAN, ONE OF OUR
AND TONIGHT, ASSISTING ME, I
HAVE MR. JOE MORGAN, ONE OF OUR
SECRET SERVICE AGENTS, AND HE'S
HAVE MR. JOE MORGAN, ONE OF OUR
SECRET SERVICE AGENTS, AND HE'S
FROM MOBILE, ALABAMA.
SECRET SERVICE AGENTS, AND HE'S
FROM MOBILE, ALABAMA.
JOE, WANT TO OPEN WIDE?
FROM MOBILE, ALABAMA.
JOE, WANT TO OPEN WIDE?
OKAY.
JOE, WANT TO OPEN WIDE?
OKAY.
[SCREAMS]
OKAY.
[SCREAMS]
NOW, WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO
[SCREAMS]
NOW, WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO
CLEAN THAT OUT AND PLUG IT UP
NOW, WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO
CLEAN THAT OUT AND PLUG IT UP
AFTER THE DEBATE.
CLEAN THAT OUT AND PLUG IT UP
AFTER THE DEBATE.
UM, THE PATIENT HAS A MISSING
AFTER THE DEBATE.
UM, THE PATIENT HAS A MISSING
FILLING AND AN IMPACTED WISDOM
UM, THE PATIENT HAS A MISSING
FILLING AND AN IMPACTED WISDOM
TOOTH WITH A POSSIBLE ABSCESS.
FILLING AND AN IMPACTED WISDOM
TOOTH WITH A POSSIBLE ABSCESS.
THANK YOU.
TOOTH WITH A POSSIBLE ABSCESS.
THANK YOU.
AND THANK YOU, GOVERNOR.
THANK YOU.
AND THANK YOU, GOVERNOR.
THAT WAS VERY, VERY LOVELY.
AND THANK YOU, GOVERNOR.
THAT WAS VERY, VERY LOVELY.
AND THAT'S CERTAINLY A HANDSOME
THAT WAS VERY, VERY LOVELY.
AND THAT'S CERTAINLY A HANDSOME
DATE YOU'VE GOT THERE.
AND THAT'S CERTAINLY A HANDSOME
DATE YOU'VE GOT THERE.
AND NOW, OF COURSE,
DATE YOU'VE GOT THERE.
AND NOW, OF COURSE,
MR. GEORGIA'S OPPONENT,
AND NOW, OF COURSE,
MR. GEORGIA'S OPPONENT,
MR. UNITED STATES.
MR. GEORGIA'S OPPONENT,
MR. UNITED STATES.
YOUR TALENT, PLEASE.
MR. UNITED STATES.
YOUR TALENT, PLEASE.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, MR. BA...
YOUR TALENT, PLEASE.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, MR. BA...
BARNS.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, MR. BA...
BARNS.
AS YOU MAY WELL KNOW, I HAVE
BARNS.
AS YOU MAY WELL KNOW, I HAVE
BELIEVED AND DO BELIEVE THIS
AS YOU MAY WELL KNOW, I HAVE
BELIEVED AND DO BELIEVE THIS
TIME THAT THE LEADER OF THE FREE
BELIEVED AND DO BELIEVE THIS
TIME THAT THE LEADER OF THE FREE
WORLD SHOULD BE COMMUNICATIVE
TIME THAT THE LEADER OF THE FREE
WORLD SHOULD BE COMMUNICATIVE
AND SHOULD BE, IN SOME WAYS, AN
WORLD SHOULD BE COMMUNICATIVE
AND SHOULD BE, IN SOME WAYS, AN
ADVISOR TO HIS FAMILY AS IT
AND SHOULD BE, IN SOME WAYS, AN
ADVISOR TO HIS FAMILY AS IT
WERE.
ADVISOR TO HIS FAMILY AS IT
WERE.
AND IN THIS CASE, I WOULD... AS
WERE.
AND IN THIS CASE, I WOULD... AS
MY TALENT... LIKE TO TEACH THE
AND IN THIS CASE, I WOULD... AS
MY TALENT... LIKE TO TEACH THE
PEOPLE OF MY NATION, OR THE
MY TALENT... LIKE TO TEACH THE
PEOPLE OF MY NATION, OR THE
PEOPLE, HOW TO VOTE THIS
PEOPLE OF MY NATION, OR THE
PEOPLE, HOW TO VOTE THIS
TUESDAY.
PEOPLE, HOW TO VOTE THIS
TUESDAY.
THIS WILL BE MY TALENT.
TUESDAY.
THIS WILL BE MY TALENT.
ALL RIGHT, SIR, GO RIGHT
THIS WILL BE MY TALENT.
ALL RIGHT, SIR, GO RIGHT
AHEAD.
ALL RIGHT, SIR, GO RIGHT
AHEAD.
MR. UNITED STATES, TEACHING THE
AHEAD.
MR. UNITED STATES, TEACHING THE
PEOPLE OF THE UNITED STATES HOW
MR. UNITED STATES, TEACHING THE
PEOPLE OF THE UNITED STATES HOW
TO VOTE.
PEOPLE OF THE UNITED STATES HOW
TO VOTE.
THIS IS, OF COURSE, THE
TO VOTE.
THIS IS, OF COURSE, THE
VOTING BOOTH.
THIS IS, OF COURSE, THE
VOTING BOOTH.
WE...
VOTING BOOTH.
WE...
SIMPLY...
WE...
SIMPLY...
CLOSE THIS.
SIMPLY...
CLOSE THIS.
THERE'S NO PAPER IN HERE.
CLOSE THIS.
THERE'S NO PAPER IN HERE.
NO, SIR.
THERE'S NO PAPER IN HERE.
NO, SIR.
MR. UNITED STATES, IT'S A VOTING
NO, SIR.
MR. UNITED STATES, IT'S A VOTING
BOOTH.
MR. UNITED STATES, IT'S A VOTING
BOOTH.
AH.
BOOTH.
AH.
I'M SORRY.
AH.
I'M SORRY.
I CAN SEE THE CHOICES HERE, AND
I'M SORRY.
I CAN SEE THE CHOICES HERE, AND
SIMPLY...
I CAN SEE THE CHOICES HERE, AND
SIMPLY...
A LEVER WHICH ONE PULLS TO MAKE
SIMPLY...
A LEVER WHICH ONE PULLS TO MAKE
AND CAST ONE'S VOTE.
A LEVER WHICH ONE PULLS TO MAKE
AND CAST ONE'S VOTE.
VERY, VERY LOVELY.
AND CAST ONE'S VOTE.
VERY, VERY LOVELY.
ISN'T HE CHARMING?
VERY, VERY LOVELY.
ISN'T HE CHARMING?
THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
ISN'T HE CHARMING?
THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
MR. PRESIDENT.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
MR. PRESIDENT.
A FINE SENSE OF RHYTHM YOU'VE
MR. PRESIDENT.
A FINE SENSE OF RHYTHM YOU'VE
GOT THERE.
A FINE SENSE OF RHYTHM YOU'VE
GOT THERE.
NEXT, OF COURSE, COMES THE FINAL
GOT THERE.
NEXT, OF COURSE, COMES THE FINAL
AND MOST IMPORTANT PART IN THE
NEXT, OF COURSE, COMES THE FINAL
AND MOST IMPORTANT PART IN THE
1976 COMPETITION.
AND MOST IMPORTANT PART IN THE
1976 COMPETITION.
EACH OF OUR FINALISTS FROM
1976 COMPETITION.
EACH OF OUR FINALISTS FROM
GEORGIA RIGHT DOWN TO THE
EACH OF OUR FINALISTS FROM
GEORGIA RIGHT DOWN TO THE
UNITED STATES MUST ANSWER A
GEORGIA RIGHT DOWN TO THE
UNITED STATES MUST ANSWER A
SIMPLE QUESTION SELECTED BY OUR
UNITED STATES MUST ANSWER A
SIMPLE QUESTION SELECTED BY OUR
PANELISTS AND SEALED IN THESE
SIMPLE QUESTION SELECTED BY OUR
PANELISTS AND SEALED IN THESE
ENVELOPES, BUT FIRST, STAY WITH
PANELISTS AND SEALED IN THESE
ENVELOPES, BUT FIRST, STAY WITH
US, 'CAUSE WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
ENVELOPES, BUT FIRST, STAY WITH
US, 'CAUSE WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
WE'RE BACK.
US, 'CAUSE WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
WE'RE BACK.
I HAVE THE QUESTIONS HERE, IF
WE'RE BACK.
I HAVE THE QUESTIONS HERE, IF
YOU GENTLEMEN WILL FOLLOW ME
I HAVE THE QUESTIONS HERE, IF
YOU GENTLEMEN WILL FOLLOW ME
DOWN.
YOU GENTLEMEN WILL FOLLOW ME
DOWN.
HERE'S ONE FOR YOU, MR. GEORGIA.
DOWN.
HERE'S ONE FOR YOU, MR. GEORGIA.
IF YOU WILL OPEN THE ENVELOPE
HERE'S ONE FOR YOU, MR. GEORGIA.
IF YOU WILL OPEN THE ENVELOPE
AND HAND ME THE QUESTION, I WILL
IF YOU WILL OPEN THE ENVELOPE
AND HAND ME THE QUESTION, I WILL
READ IT AND YOU WILL ANSWER IT.
AND HAND ME THE QUESTION, I WILL
READ IT AND YOU WILL ANSWER IT.
NOW, MR. GEORGIA, WHAT WILL YOU
READ IT AND YOU WILL ANSWER IT.
NOW, MR. GEORGIA, WHAT WILL YOU
DO IF YOU WIN THE COMPETITION
NOW, MR. GEORGIA, WHAT WILL YOU
DO IF YOU WIN THE COMPETITION
AND BECOME PERHAPS THE MOST
DO IF YOU WIN THE COMPETITION
AND BECOME PERHAPS THE MOST
POWERFUL MAN IN THE WORLD?
AND BECOME PERHAPS THE MOST
POWERFUL MAN IN THE WORLD?
[SIGHS]
POWERFUL MAN IN THE WORLD?
[SIGHS]
GEE, I DON'T KNOW.
[SIGHS]
GEE, I DON'T KNOW.
GOLLY, I REALLY DON'T KNOW.
GEE, I DON'T KNOW.
GOLLY, I REALLY DON'T KNOW.
IT'LL BE SUCH A SHOCK, AND IF I
GOLLY, I REALLY DON'T KNOW.
IT'LL BE SUCH A SHOCK, AND IF I
ACTUALLY WON, I GUESS I'D
IT'LL BE SUCH A SHOCK, AND IF I
ACTUALLY WON, I GUESS I'D
JUST... WELL, THE WHITE HOUSE
ACTUALLY WON, I GUESS I'D
JUST... WELL, THE WHITE HOUSE
AND ALL THAT.
JUST... WELL, THE WHITE HOUSE
AND ALL THAT.
I SUPPOSE I'D JUST GO ACROSS
AND ALL THAT.
I SUPPOSE I'D JUST GO ACROSS
THIS GREAT NATION AND TALK TO A
I SUPPOSE I'D JUST GO ACROSS
THIS GREAT NATION AND TALK TO A
LOT OF PEOPLE AND TRY TO GET TO
THIS GREAT NATION AND TALK TO A
LOT OF PEOPLE AND TRY TO GET TO
KNOW THEM AS BEST I CAN.
LOT OF PEOPLE AND TRY TO GET TO
KNOW THEM AS BEST I CAN.
I GET A CONVERTIBLE, DON'T I?
KNOW THEM AS BEST I CAN.
I GET A CONVERTIBLE, DON'T I?
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
I GET A CONVERTIBLE, DON'T I?
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU, MR. GEORGIA.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU, MR. GEORGIA.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU, MR. GEORGIA.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
ISN'T HE LOVELY, LADIES AND
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
ISN'T HE LOVELY, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN?
ISN'T HE LOVELY, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN?
AND WHAT A CHARMING ANSWER.
GENTLEMEN?
AND WHAT A CHARMING ANSWER.
AND NOW, MR. UNITED STATES, YOUR
AND WHAT A CHARMING ANSWER.
AND NOW, MR. UNITED STATES, YOUR
ENVELOPE AND YOUR QUESTION.
AND NOW, MR. UNITED STATES, YOUR
ENVELOPE AND YOUR QUESTION.
WOULD YOU OPEN IT PLEASE?
VERY GOOD, SIR.
I'LL JUST READ THE QUESTION.
I'M SORRY.
I'LL JUST READ THE QUESTION.
I'M SORRY.
THAT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT.
I'M SORRY.
THAT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT.
I CUT MYSELF SHAVING HERE
THAT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT.
I CUT MYSELF SHAVING HERE
THIS EVENING, TOO.
I CUT MYSELF SHAVING HERE
THIS EVENING, TOO.
AH.
AH.
ALL RIGHT, SIR.
ALL RIGHT, SIR.
HERE IS YOUR QUESTION.
HERE IS YOUR QUESTION.
YOU'RE AT A STATE DINNER IN
YOU'RE AT A STATE DINNER IN
MOSCOW, SITTING AT THE DAIS WITH
MOSCOW, SITTING AT THE DAIS WITH
CHAIRMAN BREZHNEV,
CHAIRMAN BREZHNEV,
MRS. BREZHNEV, AND
MRS. BREZHNEV, AND
MR. KISSINGER.
MR. KISSINGER.
INADVERTENTLY, YOUR TIE LANDS IN
INADVERTENTLY, YOUR TIE LANDS IN
MR. BREZHNEV'S SOUP.
MR. BREZHNEV'S SOUP.
REALIZING THE FAUX PAS, YOU
REALIZING THE FAUX PAS, YOU
EXCUSE YOURSELF, REACHING WITH
EXCUSE YOURSELF, REACHING WITH
YOUR RIGHT HAND TO REMOVE YOUR
YOUR RIGHT HAND TO REMOVE YOUR
TIE FROM HIS SOUP.
TIE FROM HIS SOUP.
YOUR ELBOW HITS MRS. BREZHNEV IN
YOUR ELBOW HITS MRS. BREZHNEV IN
THE RIGHT EYE, CAUSING HER TO
THE RIGHT EYE, CAUSING HER TO
FALL OVER BACKWARDS BEHIND THE
FALL OVER BACKWARDS BEHIND THE
DAIS, IN PAIN.
DAIS, IN PAIN.
YOU RISE, SEVERELY SCRATCHING
YOU RISE, SEVERELY SCRATCHING
SECRETARY OF STATE KISSINGER ON
SECRETARY OF STATE KISSINGER ON
THE TEMPLE WITH YOUR SALAD FORK.
THE TEMPLE WITH YOUR SALAD FORK.
IN AN ATTEMPT TO CONSOLE THE
IN AN ATTEMPT TO CONSOLE THE
CHAIRMAN'S WIFE, YOU
CHAIRMAN'S WIFE, YOU
ACCIDENTALLY PIERCE HER THORAX
ACCIDENTALLY PIERCE HER THORAX
WITH THE HEEL OF YOUR LEFT SHOE.
WITH THE HEEL OF YOUR LEFT SHOE.
MR. KISSINGER RISES AND
MR. KISSINGER RISES AND
APOLOGIZES PUBLICLY TO THE
APOLOGIZES PUBLICLY TO THE
BREZHNEVS WHILE HOLDING A NAPKIN
BREZHNEVS WHILE HOLDING A NAPKIN
TO HIS BLEEDING LEFT TEMPLE,
TO HIS BLEEDING LEFT TEMPLE,
VERY MUCH LIKE MY OWN, AS YOU
VERY MUCH LIKE MY OWN, AS YOU
TRIP OVER THE FACE OF
TRIP OVER THE FACE OF
MRS. BREZHNEV AND FALL THROUGH
MRS. BREZHNEV AND FALL THROUGH
THE TABLES, LANDING WITH YOUR
THE TABLES, LANDING WITH YOUR
RIGHT KNEE IN COSTIGAN'S MOUTH.
RIGHT KNEE IN COSTIGAN'S MOUTH.
HOW WOULD YOU HANDLE THIS
HOW WOULD YOU HANDLE THIS
DELICATE SOCIAL SITUATION?
THE PUERTO RICANS ARE AN
DELICATE SOCIAL SITUATION?
THE PUERTO RICANS ARE AN
INDEPENDENT AND AUTONOMOUS
THE PUERTO RICANS ARE AN
INDEPENDENT AND AUTONOMOUS
PEOPLE, AND I DON'T THINK FOR
INDEPENDENT AND AUTONOMOUS
PEOPLE, AND I DON'T THINK FOR
ONE MOMENT THAT THEY CONSIDER
PEOPLE, AND I DON'T THINK FOR
ONE MOMENT THAT THEY CONSIDER
THEMSELVES DOMINATED BY THE
ONE MOMENT THAT THEY CONSIDER
THEMSELVES DOMINATED BY THE
SOVIET UNION.
THEMSELVES DOMINATED BY THE
SOVIET UNION.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
SOVIET UNION.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
MR. PRESIDENT, AND THANK YOU
THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
MR. PRESIDENT, AND THANK YOU
EVERYBODY AT HOME.
THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE
TODAY.
JOIN US FOR THE RESULTS NEXT
TUESDAY.
GOOD NIGHT AND HAPPY VOTING.
Announcer: AND NOW
WEEKEND UPDATE WITH CHEVY CHASE.
WELL, THAT IS RIDICULOUS.
WEEKEND UPDATE WITH CHEVY CHASE.
WELL, THAT IS RIDICULOUS.
THERE'S NO PROOF.
WELL, THAT IS RIDICULOUS.
THERE'S NO PROOF.
YOU CAN SMOKE AS MUCH OF IT AS
THERE'S NO PROOF.
YOU CAN SMOKE AS MUCH OF IT AS
YOU WANT.
YOU CAN SMOKE AS MUCH OF IT AS
YOU WANT.
IT DOES NOT AFFECT YOUR MOTOR
YOU WANT.
IT DOES NOT AFFECT YOUR MOTOR
SKILLS, ALL RIGHT?
IT DOES NOT AFFECT YOUR MOTOR
SKILLS, ALL RIGHT?
EMOTIONALLY, MAYBE, OKAY?
SKILLS, ALL RIGHT?
EMOTIONALLY, MAYBE, OKAY?
I'VE GOT TO GO.
EMOTIONALLY, MAYBE, OKAY?
I'VE GOT TO GO.
I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.
GOOD EVENING, I'M CHEVY CHASE,
AND YOU'RE ROD McKUEN.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...
AND YOU'RE ROD McKUEN.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...
BUCK HENRY CUTS HIMSELF IN THE
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...
BUCK HENRY CUTS HIMSELF IN THE
FOREHEAD IN A SKETCH ON THE
BUCK HENRY CUTS HIMSELF IN THE
FOREHEAD IN A SKETCH ON THE
"SATURDAY NIGHT" SHOW...
FOREHEAD IN A SKETCH ON THE
"SATURDAY NIGHT" SHOW...
AS A FAR-GONE AND DOWNED AND
"SATURDAY NIGHT" SHOW...
AS A FAR-GONE AND DOWNED AND
DRUGGED-OUT JOHN BELUSHI HITS
AS A FAR-GONE AND DOWNED AND
DRUGGED-OUT JOHN BELUSHI HITS
HIM WITH A SWORD.
DRUGGED-OUT JOHN BELUSHI HITS
HIM WITH A SWORD.
WELL, THE FIRST ELECTION RETURNS
HIM WITH A SWORD.
WELL, THE FIRST ELECTION RETURNS
ARE IN.
WELL, THE FIRST ELECTION RETURNS
ARE IN.
GERALD FORD, ZERO.
ARE IN.
GERALD FORD, ZERO.
JIMMY CARTER, ZERO.
GERALD FORD, ZERO.
JIMMY CARTER, ZERO.
MORE ON THESE FIGURES AS THEY
JIMMY CARTER, ZERO.
MORE ON THESE FIGURES AS THEY
COME IN.
MORE ON THESE FIGURES AS THEY
COME IN.
JOHN D. EHRLICHMAN, ONE OF THE
COME IN.
JOHN D. EHRLICHMAN, ONE OF THE
NIXON ADMINISTRATION'S MOST
JOHN D. EHRLICHMAN, ONE OF THE
NIXON ADMINISTRATION'S MOST
POWERFUL ADVISORS, HAS
NIXON ADMINISTRATION'S MOST
POWERFUL ADVISORS, HAS
VOLUNTARILY ENTERED A FEDERAL
POWERFUL ADVISORS, HAS
VOLUNTARILY ENTERED A FEDERAL
PRISON CAMP TO SERVE SENTENCES
VOLUNTARILY ENTERED A FEDERAL
PRISON CAMP TO SERVE SENTENCES
FOR HIS WATERGATE CRIMES.
PRISON CAMP TO SERVE SENTENCES
FOR HIS WATERGATE CRIMES.
LAST-MINUTE ADVICE FROM HIS
FOR HIS WATERGATE CRIMES.
LAST-MINUTE ADVICE FROM HIS
LAWYERS WERE THAT HE KEEP QUIET
LAST-MINUTE ADVICE FROM HIS
LAWYERS WERE THAT HE KEEP QUIET
ABOUT HIS PENDING APPEAL AND
LAWYERS WERE THAT HE KEEP QUIET
ABOUT HIS PENDING APPEAL AND
THAT HE AVOID FRATERNIZING WITH
ABOUT HIS PENDING APPEAL AND
THAT HE AVOID FRATERNIZING WITH
THE INMATES... OR BENDING OVER
THAT HE AVOID FRATERNIZING WITH
THE INMATES... OR BENDING OVER
FOR THE SOAP IN THE SHOWER.
THE INMATES... OR BENDING OVER
FOR THE SOAP IN THE SHOWER.
CAMPAIGNING ON HER OWN IN
FOR THE SOAP IN THE SHOWER.
CAMPAIGNING ON HER OWN IN
MICHIGAN THIS WEEK, BETTY FORD
CAMPAIGNING ON HER OWN IN
MICHIGAN THIS WEEK, BETTY FORD
WON FIRST PLACE IN A LOCAL
MICHIGAN THIS WEEK, BETTY FORD
WON FIRST PLACE IN A LOCAL
DOG-SMELLING CONTEST.
WON FIRST PLACE IN A LOCAL
DOG-SMELLING CONTEST.
THE FIRST LADY REVEALED THAT SHE
DOG-SMELLING CONTEST.
THE FIRST LADY REVEALED THAT SHE
HAD PLENTY OF EXPERIENCE IN THE
THE FIRST LADY REVEALED THAT SHE
HAD PLENTY OF EXPERIENCE IN THE
WHITE HOUSE WITH FORD'S GOLDEN
HAD PLENTY OF EXPERIENCE IN THE
WHITE HOUSE WITH FORD'S GOLDEN
RETRIEVER, LIBERTY.
WHITE HOUSE WITH FORD'S GOLDEN
RETRIEVER, LIBERTY.
IN AN EFFORT TO ENCOURAGE
RETRIEVER, LIBERTY.
IN AN EFFORT TO ENCOURAGE
AMERICANS TO GET THEIR SWINE FLU
IN AN EFFORT TO ENCOURAGE
AMERICANS TO GET THEIR SWINE FLU
INOCULATIONS, PRESIDENT FORD
AMERICANS TO GET THEIR SWINE FLU
INOCULATIONS, PRESIDENT FORD
WENT TO ATLANTIC CITY THIS WEEK
INOCULATIONS, PRESIDENT FORD
WENT TO ATLANTIC CITY THIS WEEK
WHERE HE SWALLOWED A HYPODERMIC
WENT TO ATLANTIC CITY THIS WEEK
WHERE HE SWALLOWED A HYPODERMIC
SYRINGE AND PERSONALLY
WHERE HE SWALLOWED A HYPODERMIC
SYRINGE AND PERSONALLY
VACCINATED MISS AMERICA IN THE
SYRINGE AND PERSONALLY
VACCINATED MISS AMERICA IN THE
FACE.
VACCINATED MISS AMERICA IN THE
FACE.
MORE NEWS.
FACE.
MORE NEWS.
REPUBLICAN VICE PRESIDENTIAL
MORE NEWS.
REPUBLICAN VICE PRESIDENTIAL
CANDIDATE ROBERT DOLE...
REPUBLICAN VICE PRESIDENTIAL
CANDIDATE ROBERT DOLE...
PRONOUNCED "DOLE"... RECENTLY
CANDIDATE ROBERT DOLE...
PRONOUNCED "DOLE"... RECENTLY
LAID BLAME FOR WORLD WAR II ON A
PRONOUNCED "DOLE"... RECENTLY
LAID BLAME FOR WORLD WAR II ON A
DEMOCRATIC ADMINISTRATION.
LAID BLAME FOR WORLD WAR II ON A
DEMOCRATIC ADMINISTRATION.
TODAY, HE WENT ONE STEP FURTHER.
DEMOCRATIC ADMINISTRATION.
TODAY, HE WENT ONE STEP FURTHER.
ADDRESSING A GROUP OF
TODAY, HE WENT ONE STEP FURTHER.
ADDRESSING A GROUP OF
JAPANESE-AMERICANS, DOLE CALLED
ADDRESSING A GROUP OF
JAPANESE-AMERICANS, DOLE CALLED
IT... CALLED WORLD WAR II,
JAPANESE-AMERICANS, DOLE CALLED
IT... CALLED WORLD WAR II,
QUOTE, "A SLUR ON THE GOOD NAME
IT... CALLED WORLD WAR II,
QUOTE, "A SLUR ON THE GOOD NAME
OF JAPAN," AND PROMISED, IF
QUOTE, "A SLUR ON THE GOOD NAME
OF JAPAN," AND PROMISED, IF
ELECTED, TO CHANGE THE NAME OF
OF JAPAN," AND PROMISED, IF
ELECTED, TO CHANGE THE NAME OF
PEARL HARBOR TO SOMETHING LESS
ELECTED, TO CHANGE THE NAME OF
PEARL HARBOR TO SOMETHING LESS
OFFENSIVE TO THE JAPANESE
PEARL HARBOR TO SOMETHING LESS
OFFENSIVE TO THE JAPANESE
COMMUNITY... FOR EXAMPLE,
OFFENSIVE TO THE JAPANESE
COMMUNITY... FOR EXAMPLE,
"SURPRISE CITY."
COMMUNITY... FOR EXAMPLE,
"SURPRISE CITY."
SERIOUS NOTE...
"SURPRISE CITY."
SERIOUS NOTE...
MICHAEL GOLDBAUM, A MEDIA EXPERT
SERIOUS NOTE...
MICHAEL GOLDBAUM, A MEDIA EXPERT
WHO HAS BEEN PRODUCING
MICHAEL GOLDBAUM, A MEDIA EXPERT
WHO HAS BEEN PRODUCING
PRESIDENT FORD'S TELEVISION
WHO HAS BEEN PRODUCING
PRESIDENT FORD'S TELEVISION
COMMERCIALS, WAS FIRED YESTERDAY
PRESIDENT FORD'S TELEVISION
COMMERCIALS, WAS FIRED YESTERDAY
WHEN IT WAS DISCOVERED THAT HE
COMMERCIALS, WAS FIRED YESTERDAY
WHEN IT WAS DISCOVERED THAT HE
ALSO PRODUCES HARD-CORE
WHEN IT WAS DISCOVERED THAT HE
ALSO PRODUCES HARD-CORE
PORNOGRAPHY FILMS.
ALSO PRODUCES HARD-CORE
PORNOGRAPHY FILMS.
THE FORD PEOPLE CAUGHT ON WHEN
PORNOGRAPHY FILMS.
THE FORD PEOPLE CAUGHT ON WHEN
A RECENT CAMPAIGN AD WITH THE
THE FORD PEOPLE CAUGHT ON WHEN
A RECENT CAMPAIGN AD WITH THE
ANNOUNCEMENT, "THERE'S A CHANGE
A RECENT CAMPAIGN AD WITH THE
ANNOUNCEMENT, "THERE'S A CHANGE
COMING OVER THIS LAND," SHOWED
ANNOUNCEMENT, "THERE'S A CHANGE
COMING OVER THIS LAND," SHOWED
SUSAN FORD WEARING SPIKED HEELS,
COMING OVER THIS LAND," SHOWED
SUSAN FORD WEARING SPIKED HEELS,
MANACLES, AND A BICENTENNIAL DOG
SUSAN FORD WEARING SPIKED HEELS,
MANACLES, AND A BICENTENNIAL DOG
COLLAR WHILE A MASKED NAZI
MANACLES, AND A BICENTENNIAL DOG
COLLAR WHILE A MASKED NAZI
TATTOOED "VOTE FOR MY DAD" ALL
COLLAR WHILE A MASKED NAZI
TATTOOED "VOTE FOR MY DAD" ALL
OVER HER BODY.
TATTOOED "VOTE FOR MY DAD" ALL
OVER HER BODY.
IN A RELATED STORY, AS THE
OVER HER BODY.
IN A RELATED STORY, AS THE
PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION CAMPAIGN
IN A RELATED STORY, AS THE
PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION CAMPAIGN
WINDS TOWARD ITS END, BOTH
PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION CAMPAIGN
WINDS TOWARD ITS END, BOTH
CANDIDATES HAVE DECIDED, IN A
WINDS TOWARD ITS END, BOTH
CANDIDATES HAVE DECIDED, IN A
LAST-MINUTE DISPLAY OF GOOD
CANDIDATES HAVE DECIDED, IN A
LAST-MINUTE DISPLAY OF GOOD
FAITH, NOT TO RELEASE ESPECIALLY
LAST-MINUTE DISPLAY OF GOOD
FAITH, NOT TO RELEASE ESPECIALLY
HARD-HITTING TELEVISION
FAITH, NOT TO RELEASE ESPECIALLY
HARD-HITTING TELEVISION
COMMERCIALS.
HARD-HITTING TELEVISION
COMMERCIALS.
HOWEVER, WEEKEND UPDATE WAS ABLE
COMMERCIALS.
HOWEVER, WEEKEND UPDATE WAS ABLE
TO OBTAIN TWO OF THEM.
HOWEVER, WEEKEND UPDATE WAS ABLE
TO OBTAIN TWO OF THEM.
HERE IS THE FIRST SUCH
TO OBTAIN TWO OF THEM.
HERE IS THE FIRST SUCH
COMMERCIAL.
HERE IS THE FIRST SUCH
COMMERCIAL.
I THINK THE PEOPLE OF AMERICA
COMMERCIAL.
I THINK THE PEOPLE OF AMERICA
NEED A NEW KIND OF PRESIDENT...
I THINK THE PEOPLE OF AMERICA
NEED A NEW KIND OF PRESIDENT...
A PRESIDENT WHO FEELS YOUR PAIN
NEED A NEW KIND OF PRESIDENT...
A PRESIDENT WHO FEELS YOUR PAIN
AND SHARES YOUR DREAMS, WHO
A PRESIDENT WHO FEELS YOUR PAIN
AND SHARES YOUR DREAMS, WHO
LUSTS YOUR LUSTS.
AND SHARES YOUR DREAMS, WHO
LUSTS YOUR LUSTS.
NOW, I TRY NOT TO COMMIT A
LUSTS YOUR LUSTS.
NOW, I TRY NOT TO COMMIT A
DELIBERATE SIN.
NOW, I TRY NOT TO COMMIT A
DELIBERATE SIN.
I RECOGNIZE THAT I'M GONNA DO IT
DELIBERATE SIN.
I RECOGNIZE THAT I'M GONNA DO IT
ANYHOW BECAUSE I'M HUMAN AND I'M
I RECOGNIZE THAT I'M GONNA DO IT
ANYHOW BECAUSE I'M HUMAN AND I'M
TEMPTED.
ANYHOW BECAUSE I'M HUMAN AND I'M
TEMPTED.
AND CHRIST SET SOME ALMOST
TEMPTED.
AND CHRIST SET SOME ALMOST
IMPOSSIBLE STANDARDS FOR US.
AND CHRIST SET SOME ALMOST
IMPOSSIBLE STANDARDS FOR US.
CHRIST SAYS, "I TELL YOU THAT
IMPOSSIBLE STANDARDS FOR US.
CHRIST SAYS, "I TELL YOU THAT
ANYONE WHO LOOKS AT A WOMAN WITH
CHRIST SAYS, "I TELL YOU THAT
ANYONE WHO LOOKS AT A WOMAN WITH
LUST HAS, IN HIS HEART, ALREADY
ANYONE WHO LOOKS AT A WOMAN WITH
LUST HAS, IN HIS HEART, ALREADY
COMMITTED ADULTERY."
LUST HAS, IN HIS HEART, ALREADY
COMMITTED ADULTERY."
NOW, I'VE LOOKED ON A LOT OF
COMMITTED ADULTERY."
NOW, I'VE LOOKED ON A LOT OF
WOMEN WITH LUST.
NOW, I'VE LOOKED ON A LOT OF
WOMEN WITH LUST.
I'VE COMMITTED ADULTERY IN MY
WOMEN WITH LUST.
I'VE COMMITTED ADULTERY IN MY
HEART MANY TIMES.
I'VE COMMITTED ADULTERY IN MY
HEART MANY TIMES.
THIS IS SOMETHING THAT GOD
HEART MANY TIMES.
THIS IS SOMETHING THAT GOD
RECOGNIZES I WILL DO, AND I HAVE
THIS IS SOMETHING THAT GOD
RECOGNIZES I WILL DO, AND I HAVE
DONE IT.
RECOGNIZES I WILL DO, AND I HAVE
DONE IT.
AND GOD FORGIVES ME FOR IT.
DONE IT.
AND GOD FORGIVES ME FOR IT.
AND I HOPE YOU FORGIVE ME.
AND GOD FORGIVES ME FOR IT.
AND I HOPE YOU FORGIVE ME.
AND I HOPE ROSALYNN WILL.
AND I HOPE YOU FORGIVE ME.
AND I HOPE ROSALYNN WILL.
THANK YOU.
THAT WAS THE GERALD FORD
COMMERCIAL.
AND NOW HERE IS THE
COMMERCIAL.
AND NOW HERE IS THE
JIMMY CARTER COMMERCIAL COMING
AND NOW HERE IS THE
JIMMY CARTER COMMERCIAL COMING
RIGHT UP NOW ON YOUR SCREEN.
JIMMY CARTER COMMERCIAL COMING
RIGHT UP NOW ON YOUR SCREEN.
AS WE ARE A NATION UNDER GOD,
RIGHT UP NOW ON YOUR SCREEN.
AS WE ARE A NATION UNDER GOD,
SO I AM SWORN TO UPHOLD OUR LAWS
AS WE ARE A NATION UNDER GOD,
SO I AM SWORN TO UPHOLD OUR LAWS
WITH THE HELP OF GOD.
SO I AM SWORN TO UPHOLD OUR LAWS
WITH THE HELP OF GOD.
AND I HAVE SOUGHT SUCH GUIDANCE
WITH THE HELP OF GOD.
AND I HAVE SOUGHT SUCH GUIDANCE
AND SEARCHED MY OWN CONSCIENCE
AND I HAVE SOUGHT SUCH GUIDANCE
AND SEARCHED MY OWN CONSCIENCE
WITH SPECIAL DILIGENCE TO
AND SEARCHED MY OWN CONSCIENCE
WITH SPECIAL DILIGENCE TO
DETERMINE THE RIGHT THING FOR ME
WITH SPECIAL DILIGENCE TO
DETERMINE THE RIGHT THING FOR ME
TO DO WITH RESPECT TO MY
DETERMINE THE RIGHT THING FOR ME
TO DO WITH RESPECT TO MY
PREDECESSOR IN THIS PLACE,
TO DO WITH RESPECT TO MY
PREDECESSOR IN THIS PLACE,
RICHARD NIXON, AND HIS LOYAL
PREDECESSOR IN THIS PLACE,
RICHARD NIXON, AND HIS LOYAL
WIFE AND FAMILY.
RICHARD NIXON, AND HIS LOYAL
WIFE AND FAMILY.
I DEEPLY BELIEVE IN EQUAL
WIFE AND FAMILY.
I DEEPLY BELIEVE IN EQUAL
JUSTICE FOR ALL AMERICANS.
I DEEPLY BELIEVE IN EQUAL
JUSTICE FOR ALL AMERICANS.
NOW, THEREFORE, I,
JUSTICE FOR ALL AMERICANS.
NOW, THEREFORE, I,
GERALD R. FORD, PRESIDENT OF THE
NOW, THEREFORE, I,
GERALD R. FORD, PRESIDENT OF THE
UNITED STATES, PURSUANT TO THE
GERALD R. FORD, PRESIDENT OF THE
UNITED STATES, PURSUANT TO THE
PARDON POWER CONFERRED UPON ME
UNITED STATES, PURSUANT TO THE
PARDON POWER CONFERRED UPON ME
BY ARTICLE 2, SECTION 2, OF THE
PARDON POWER CONFERRED UPON ME
BY ARTICLE 2, SECTION 2, OF THE
CONSTITUTION, HAVE GRANTED AND
BY ARTICLE 2, SECTION 2, OF THE
CONSTITUTION, HAVE GRANTED AND
BY THESE PRESENTS DO GRANT A
CONSTITUTION, HAVE GRANTED AND
BY THESE PRESENTS DO GRANT A
FULL, FREE, AND ABSOLUTE PARDON
BY THESE PRESENTS DO GRANT A
FULL, FREE, AND ABSOLUTE PARDON
UNTO RICHARD NIXON FOR ALL
FULL, FREE, AND ABSOLUTE PARDON
UNTO RICHARD NIXON FOR ALL
OFFENSES AGAINST THE
UNTO RICHARD NIXON FOR ALL
OFFENSES AGAINST THE
UNITED STATES WHICH HE,
OFFENSES AGAINST THE
UNITED STATES WHICH HE,
RICHARD NIXON, HAS COMMITTED OR
UNITED STATES WHICH HE,
RICHARD NIXON, HAS COMMITTED OR
MAY HAVE COMMITTED OR TAKEN PART
RICHARD NIXON, HAS COMMITTED OR
MAY HAVE COMMITTED OR TAKEN PART
IN DURING THE PERIOD FROM
MAY HAVE COMMITTED OR TAKEN PART
IN DURING THE PERIOD FROM
JULY 20, 1969 THROUGH AUGUST 9,
IN DURING THE PERIOD FROM
JULY 20, 1969 THROUGH AUGUST 9,
1974.
FOUR MORE YEARS.
STILL TO COME, THE
PRESIDENTIAL MOTORCADE MAKES A
PIT STOP, AFTER THIS MESSAGE.
PRESIDENTIAL MOTORCADE MAKES A
PIT STOP, AFTER THIS MESSAGE.
WITCHES, WARLOCKS, CONJURERS,
PIT STOP, AFTER THIS MESSAGE.
WITCHES, WARLOCKS, CONJURERS,
SORCERERS, BLACK MAGICIANS,
WITCHES, WARLOCKS, CONJURERS,
SORCERERS, BLACK MAGICIANS,
WHITE MAGICIANS, ARE YOU HAVING
SORCERERS, BLACK MAGICIANS,
WHITE MAGICIANS, ARE YOU HAVING
TROUBLE MIXING YOUR POTIONS IN
WHITE MAGICIANS, ARE YOU HAVING
TROUBLE MIXING YOUR POTIONS IN
TIME FOR THE WINTER SOLSTICE?
TROUBLE MIXING YOUR POTIONS IN
TIME FOR THE WINTER SOLSTICE?
IS YOUR SORCERY GETTING HUNG UP
TIME FOR THE WINTER SOLSTICE?
IS YOUR SORCERY GETTING HUNG UP
BECAUSE OF THE HOURS YOU SPEND
IS YOUR SORCERY GETTING HUNG UP
BECAUSE OF THE HOURS YOU SPEND
MIXING AND BLENDING YOUR
BECAUSE OF THE HOURS YOU SPEND
MIXING AND BLENDING YOUR
REMEDIES?
MIXING AND BLENDING YOUR
REMEDIES?
THEN YOU NEED ROVCO'S AMAZING
REMEDIES?
THEN YOU NEED ROVCO'S AMAZING
NEW WITCH'S AID, THE SUPER
THEN YOU NEED ROVCO'S AMAZING
NEW WITCH'S AID, THE SUPER
BAT-O-MATIC '77!
NEW WITCH'S AID, THE SUPER
BAT-O-MATIC '77!
YOU NEVER HAVE TO USE MORTAR,
BAT-O-MATIC '77!
YOU NEVER HAVE TO USE MORTAR,
PESTLE, OR CAULDRON AGAIN.
YOU NEVER HAVE TO USE MORTAR,
PESTLE, OR CAULDRON AGAIN.
SUPER-BAT-O-MATIC CUTS, CHOPS,
PESTLE, OR CAULDRON AGAIN.
SUPER-BAT-O-MATIC CUTS, CHOPS,
SLICES, DICES, MIXES, AND BLENDS
SUPER-BAT-O-MATIC CUTS, CHOPS,
SLICES, DICES, MIXES, AND BLENDS
HERBS, PLANTS, TWIGS, SPRIGS,
SLICES, DICES, MIXES, AND BLENDS
HERBS, PLANTS, TWIGS, SPRIGS,
LEAVES, BRANCHES, CLAWS, TEETH,
HERBS, PLANTS, TWIGS, SPRIGS,
LEAVES, BRANCHES, CLAWS, TEETH,
EYES, EARS, SKIN, HAIR, BLOOD,
LEAVES, BRANCHES, CLAWS, TEETH,
EYES, EARS, SKIN, HAIR, BLOOD,
FLIES, INSECTS, LIMBS, AND
EYES, EARS, SKIN, HAIR, BLOOD,
FLIES, INSECTS, LIMBS, AND
ORGANS OF ALL KINDS, TOADS,
FLIES, INSECTS, LIMBS, AND
ORGANS OF ALL KINDS, TOADS,
LIZARDS, NEWTS, MICE, RATS, AND
ORGANS OF ALL KINDS, TOADS,
LIZARDS, NEWTS, MICE, RATS, AND
BATS FASTER THAN YOU CAN KNIFE A
LIZARDS, NEWTS, MICE, RATS, AND
BATS FASTER THAN YOU CAN KNIFE A
GOAT.
BATS FASTER THAN YOU CAN KNIFE A
GOAT.
TAKE THIS 11th-CENTURY REMEDY
GOAT.
TAKE THIS 11th-CENTURY REMEDY
FROM THE KEY OF ALCAZAR...
TAKE THIS 11th-CENTURY REMEDY
FROM THE KEY OF ALCAZAR...
POTION TO WIN LOVE AND SHRINK
FROM THE KEY OF ALCAZAR...
POTION TO WIN LOVE AND SHRINK
HIVES.
POTION TO WIN LOVE AND SHRINK
HIVES.
FEATHER OF A YOUNG HAWK, BELLY
HIVES.
FEATHER OF A YOUNG HAWK, BELLY
OF A FLY, BLOOD, BILE OF AN OX,
FEATHER OF A YOUNG HAWK, BELLY
OF A FLY, BLOOD, BILE OF AN OX,
A LIZARD'S LUNG, SAY "SARAX,
OF A FLY, BLOOD, BILE OF AN OX,
A LIZARD'S LUNG, SAY "SARAX,
SARAX," AND YOUR WILL IS DONE.
A LIZARD'S LUNG, SAY "SARAX,
SARAX," AND YOUR WILL IS DONE.
SEVEN THREADS... A HANGMAN'S
SARAX," AND YOUR WILL IS DONE.
SEVEN THREADS... A HANGMAN'S
GARMENT... BASIL, WOLFSBANE, AND
SEVEN THREADS... A HANGMAN'S
GARMENT... BASIL, WOLFSBANE, AND
A SHOOT OF WINTERMINT.
GARMENT... BASIL, WOLFSBANE, AND
A SHOOT OF WINTERMINT.
TO THIS, ADD THE EYE OF A RAT
A SHOOT OF WINTERMINT.
TO THIS, ADD THE EYE OF A RAT
AND MIX IN THE BODY OF ONE WHOLE
TO THIS, ADD THE EYE OF A RAT
AND MIX IN THE BODY OF ONE WHOLE
BAT.
AND MIX IN THE BODY OF ONE WHOLE
BAT.
YES, MIX IN THE BODY OF ONE
BAT.
YES, MIX IN THE BODY OF ONE
WHOLE BAT.
YES, MIX IN THE BODY OF ONE
WHOLE BAT.
REMEMBER WHAT A CHORE THAT USED
WHOLE BAT.
REMEMBER WHAT A CHORE THAT USED
TO BE?
REMEMBER WHAT A CHORE THAT USED
TO BE?
NOW IT'S FAST, AND IT'S EASY
TO BE?
NOW IT'S FAST, AND IT'S EASY
WITH ROVCO'S BAT-O-MATIC!
NOW IT'S FAST, AND IT'S EASY
WITH ROVCO'S BAT-O-MATIC!
HERE'S HOW IT WORKS.
[CHANTING]
WOW, THAT'S GREAT BAT!
AND A GREAT POTION, TOO.
I'M IN LOVE, AND MY HIVES ARE
AND A GREAT POTION, TOO.
I'M IN LOVE, AND MY HIVES ARE
CURED!
I'M IN LOVE, AND MY HIVES ARE
CURED!
WITH BAT-O-MATIC, YOU CAN
CURED!
WITH BAT-O-MATIC, YOU CAN
PREPARE AS MANY BAT-BASED
WITH BAT-O-MATIC, YOU CAN
PREPARE AS MANY BAT-BASED
POTIONS AS YOU LIKE WITHOUT
PREPARE AS MANY BAT-BASED
POTIONS AS YOU LIKE WITHOUT
POUNDING, GRINDING, OR MIXING BY
POTIONS AS YOU LIKE WITHOUT
POUNDING, GRINDING, OR MIXING BY
HAND.
POUNDING, GRINDING, OR MIXING BY
HAND.
THROW AWAY THAT MORTAR, PESTLE,
HAND.
THROW AWAY THAT MORTAR, PESTLE,
AND CAULDRON!
THROW AWAY THAT MORTAR, PESTLE,
AND CAULDRON!
GET THE SUPER BAT-O-MATIC '77!
AND CAULDRON!
GET THE SUPER BAT-O-MATIC '77!
IT WORKS LIKE MAGIC!
GET THE SUPER BAT-O-MATIC '77!
IT WORKS LIKE MAGIC!
Announcer: BAT-O-MATIC... AT
IT WORKS LIKE MAGIC!
Announcer: BAT-O-MATIC... AT
ALCHEMISTS EVERYWHERE!
THIS ITEM JUST IN.
♪ ZIP-A-DEE-DOO-DAH ♪
♪ ZIP-A-DEE-AY ♪
♪ ZIP-A-DEE-DOO-DAH ♪
♪ ZIP-A-DEE-AY ♪
♪ MY... ♪
♪ ZIP-A-DEE-AY ♪
♪ MY... ♪
I'M SORRY.
♪ MY... ♪
I'M SORRY.
AND NOW HERE IS CORRESPONDENT
I'M SORRY.
AND NOW HERE IS CORRESPONDENT
JANE CURTIN WITH
AND NOW HERE IS CORRESPONDENT
JANE CURTIN WITH
"PEOPLE IN THE NEWS."
JANE CURTIN WITH
"PEOPLE IN THE NEWS."
THANK YOU, CHEVY.
"PEOPLE IN THE NEWS."
THANK YOU, CHEVY.
IN "PEOPLE IN THE NEWS" TONIGHT,
THANK YOU, CHEVY.
IN "PEOPLE IN THE NEWS" TONIGHT,
ACTOR SAMMY DAVIS JR. HAD A
IN "PEOPLE IN THE NEWS" TONIGHT,
ACTOR SAMMY DAVIS JR. HAD A
CLOSE CALL WITH DEATH WHEN HIS
ACTOR SAMMY DAVIS JR. HAD A
CLOSE CALL WITH DEATH WHEN HIS
TURQUOISE NECKLACE ACCIDENTALLY
CLOSE CALL WITH DEATH WHEN HIS
TURQUOISE NECKLACE ACCIDENTALLY
BECAME TANGLED WITH HIS WRIST
TURQUOISE NECKLACE ACCIDENTALLY
BECAME TANGLED WITH HIS WRIST
AND ANKLE BRACELETS DURING A
BECAME TANGLED WITH HIS WRIST
AND ANKLE BRACELETS DURING A
FAKE-LAUGHTER REHEARSAL LAST
AND ANKLE BRACELETS DURING A
FAKE-LAUGHTER REHEARSAL LAST
NIGHT IN LAS VEGAS.
FAKE-LAUGHTER REHEARSAL LAST
NIGHT IN LAS VEGAS.
WARREN BEATTY HAS SIGNED TO DO A
NIGHT IN LAS VEGAS.
WARREN BEATTY HAS SIGNED TO DO A
SEQUEL TO "SHAMPOO."
WARREN BEATTY HAS SIGNED TO DO A
SEQUEL TO "SHAMPOO."
THE ORIGINAL TITLE WAS TO BE
SEQUEL TO "SHAMPOO."
THE ORIGINAL TITLE WAS TO BE
"BLOW DRY" BUT HAS BEEN
THE ORIGINAL TITLE WAS TO BE
"BLOW DRY" BUT HAS BEEN
TENTATIVELY CHANGED TO
"BLOW DRY" BUT HAS BEEN
TENTATIVELY CHANGED TO
"OLDER AND SOFTER."
TENTATIVELY CHANGED TO
"OLDER AND SOFTER."
BUT THE BIG NEWS IS, OF COURSE,
"OLDER AND SOFTER."
BUT THE BIG NEWS IS, OF COURSE,
THAT "SATURDAY NIGHT" STAR
BUT THE BIG NEWS IS, OF COURSE,
THAT "SATURDAY NIGHT" STAR
CHEVY CHASE IS LEAVING THE
THAT "SATURDAY NIGHT" STAR
CHEVY CHASE IS LEAVING THE
TASTELESS LATE-NIGHT SHOW TO
CHEVY CHASE IS LEAVING THE
TASTELESS LATE-NIGHT SHOW TO
REPLACE JOHNNY CARSON ON
TASTELESS LATE-NIGHT SHOW TO
REPLACE JOHNNY CARSON ON
"THE TONIGHT SHOW" IN HOLLYWOOD.
REPLACE JOHNNY CARSON ON
"THE TONIGHT SHOW" IN HOLLYWOOD.
CARSON, STEPPING DOWN AFTER
"THE TONIGHT SHOW" IN HOLLYWOOD.
CARSON, STEPPING DOWN AFTER
ALMOST 15 YEARS, SAYS HE JUST
CARSON, STEPPING DOWN AFTER
ALMOST 15 YEARS, SAYS HE JUST
WANTS TO RELAX NOW, DO A LITTLE
ALMOST 15 YEARS, SAYS HE JUST
WANTS TO RELAX NOW, DO A LITTLE
TRAVELING AND DRINKING, AND READ
WANTS TO RELAX NOW, DO A LITTLE
TRAVELING AND DRINKING, AND READ
MONTY HALL'S BOOK AGAIN.
TRAVELING AND DRINKING, AND READ
MONTY HALL'S BOOK AGAIN.
CHASE SAYS HE'S LOOKING FORWARD
MONTY HALL'S BOOK AGAIN.
CHASE SAYS HE'S LOOKING FORWARD
TO INTERVIEWING SELF-INDULGENT
CHASE SAYS HE'S LOOKING FORWARD
TO INTERVIEWING SELF-INDULGENT
LAS VEGAS PERFORMERS AND
TO INTERVIEWING SELF-INDULGENT
LAS VEGAS PERFORMERS AND
MEANINGLESS PERSONALITIES EVERY
LAS VEGAS PERFORMERS AND
MEANINGLESS PERSONALITIES EVERY
SINGLE DAY FOR THE NEXT 10
MEANINGLESS PERSONALITIES EVERY
SINGLE DAY FOR THE NEXT 10
YEARS.
SINGLE DAY FOR THE NEXT 10
YEARS.
HE CONSIDERS IT A CHALLENGE AND
YEARS.
HE CONSIDERS IT A CHALLENGE AND
AN IMPORTANT STEP IN THE
HE CONSIDERS IT A CHALLENGE AND
AN IMPORTANT STEP IN THE
COMMUNICATIONS FIELD.
AN IMPORTANT STEP IN THE
COMMUNICATIONS FIELD.
AND THAT'S "PEOPLE IN THE NEWS."
COMMUNICATIONS FIELD.
AND THAT'S "PEOPLE IN THE NEWS."
THANK YOU, JANE.
AND THAT'S "PEOPLE IN THE NEWS."
THANK YOU, JANE.
WELL, THIS WEEK, THE TV NETWORKS
THANK YOU, JANE.
WELL, THIS WEEK, THE TV NETWORKS
ANNOUNCED THAT
WELL, THIS WEEK, THE TV NETWORKS
ANNOUNCED THAT
"THE BILL COSBY SHOW,"
ANNOUNCED THAT
"THE BILL COSBY SHOW,"
"BALL FOUR," "SPENCER'S PILOTS,"
"THE BILL COSBY SHOW,"
"BALL FOUR," "SPENCER'S PILOTS,"
"MR. T AND TINA," AND
"BALL FOUR," "SPENCER'S PILOTS,"
"MR. T AND TINA," AND
"GEMINI MAN"...
"MR. T AND TINA," AND
"GEMINI MAN"...
AND NOW, WEEKEND UPDATE'S GAME
"GEMINI MAN"...
AND NOW, WEEKEND UPDATE'S GAME
OF THE WEEK.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
HELLO?
HELLO?
HELLO?
HELLO?
WHO?
HELLO?
WHO?
OH, YES, I'LL ACCEPT THE
WHO?
OH, YES, I'LL ACCEPT THE
CHARGES.
OH, YES, I'LL ACCEPT THE
CHARGES.
HI, FRANCISCO, HOW ARE YOU?
CHARGES.
HI, FRANCISCO, HOW ARE YOU?
HOW'S YOUR BACK?
HI, FRANCISCO, HOW ARE YOU?
HOW'S YOUR BACK?
GOOD.
HOW'S YOUR BACK?
GOOD.
NO, I'LL PROBABLY BE BACK AND
GOOD.
NO, I'LL PROBABLY BE BACK AND
FORTH.
NO, I'LL PROBABLY BE BACK AND
FORTH.
YOU KNOW HOW IT IS.
FORTH.
YOU KNOW HOW IT IS.
WELL, YOU JUST, UH, PUT YOUR
YOU KNOW HOW IT IS.
WELL, YOU JUST, UH, PUT YOUR
LEGS UNDER A PILLOW.
WELL, YOU JUST, UH, PUT YOUR
LEGS UNDER A PILLOW.
YOU'LL FEEL MUCH BETTER.
LEGS UNDER A PILLOW.
YOU'LL FEEL MUCH BETTER.
UH-HUH.
YOU'LL FEEL MUCH BETTER.
UH-HUH.
WELL, IT'S GOOD TALKING TO YOU,
UH-HUH.
WELL, IT'S GOOD TALKING TO YOU,
YES.
WELL, IT'S GOOD TALKING TO YOU,
YES.
SHALL WE SEND YOU AN ABSENTEE
YES.
SHALL WE SEND YOU AN ABSENTEE
BALLOT?
SHALL WE SEND YOU AN ABSENTEE
BALLOT?
OKAY, SO LONG NOW.
BALLOT?
OKAY, SO LONG NOW.
WELL, THE ELECTION IS ALL BUT
OKAY, SO LONG NOW.
WELL, THE ELECTION IS ALL BUT
UPON US, AND IT'S AN IMPORTANT
WELL, THE ELECTION IS ALL BUT
UPON US, AND IT'S AN IMPORTANT
ELECTION.
IN THE PAST WEEKEND...
OR IN THE PAST, WEEKEND UPDATE
HAS MAINTAINED A PROFESSIONAL
OBJECTIVITY ABOUT MAJOR EVENTS
OF THE WORLD, NEVER TAKING
SIDES, ALWAYS ENDEAVORING TO
PRESENT ALL PERSPECTIVES ON ALL
THE ISSUES REGARDLESS OF
PERSONAL FEELINGS.
FOR THIS REASON, IN KEEPING WITH
OUR POLICY OF FAIRNESS, WE WILL
NOT ENDORSE EITHER OF THE
CANDIDATES FOR THE PRESIDENCY.
AND THAT'S THE NEWS TONIGHT.
THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.
GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A PLEASANT
BREAKFAST.
MY SPECIAL GUESTS THIS
EVENING HAVE BEEN ON THE ROAD AS
A TOURING BAND FOR OVER 16
EVENING HAVE BEEN ON THE ROAD AS
A TOURING BAND FOR OVER 16
YEARS.
A TOURING BAND FOR OVER 16
YEARS.
THIS THANKSGIVING, THEY WILL BE
YEARS.
THIS THANKSGIVING, THEY WILL BE
DOING THEIR LAST LIVE
THIS THANKSGIVING, THEY WILL BE
DOING THEIR LAST LIVE
PERFORMANCE, AND WE ARE VERY
DOING THEIR LAST LIVE
PERFORMANCE, AND WE ARE VERY
HONORED TO HAVE THEM HERE
PERFORMANCE, AND WE ARE VERY
HONORED TO HAVE THEM HERE
TONIGHT.
HONORED TO HAVE THEM HERE
TONIGHT.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE BAND.
TONIGHT.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE BAND.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE BAND.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[INTRO TO "LIFE IS A CARNIVAL"
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[INTRO TO "LIFE IS A CARNIVAL"
PLAYS]
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE WATER ♪
♪ DROWN IN THE SAND ♪
♪ YOU CAN FLY OFF A MOUNTAINTOP
♪ DROWN IN THE SAND ♪
♪ YOU CAN FLY OFF A MOUNTAINTOP
IF ANYBODY CAN ♪
♪ YOU CAN FLY OFF A MOUNTAINTOP
IF ANYBODY CAN ♪
♪ RUN AWAY ♪
IF ANYBODY CAN ♪
♪ RUN AWAY ♪
♪ RUN AWAY ♪
♪ RUN AWAY ♪
♪ RUN AWAY ♪
♪ RUN AWAY ♪
♪ RUN AWAY ♪
♪ RUN AWAY ♪
♪ RUN AWAY ♪
♪ RUN AWAY ♪
♪ RUN AWAY ♪
♪ IT'S A RESTLESS AGE ♪
♪ RUN AWAY ♪
♪ IT'S A RESTLESS AGE ♪
♪ LOOK AWAY ♪
♪ IT'S A RESTLESS AGE ♪
♪ LOOK AWAY ♪
♪ LOOK AWAY ♪
♪ LOOK AWAY ♪
♪ LOOK AWAY ♪
♪ LOOK AWAY ♪
♪ LOOK AWAY ♪
♪ LOOK AWAY ♪
♪ LOOK AWAY ♪
♪ LOOK AWAY ♪
♪ LOOK AWAY ♪
♪ YOU CAN TURN THE PAGE ♪
♪ LOOK AWAY ♪
♪ YOU CAN TURN THE PAGE ♪
♪ HEY, BUDDY, WOULD YOU LIKE TO
♪ YOU CAN TURN THE PAGE ♪
♪ HEY, BUDDY, WOULD YOU LIKE TO
BUY A WATCH REAL CHEAP ♪
♪ HEY, BUDDY, WOULD YOU LIKE TO
BUY A WATCH REAL CHEAP ♪
♪ HERE ON THE STREET? ♪
BUY A WATCH REAL CHEAP ♪
♪ HERE ON THE STREET? ♪
♪ I GOT SIX ON EACH ARM ♪
♪ HERE ON THE STREET? ♪
♪ I GOT SIX ON EACH ARM ♪
♪ AND TWO MORE AROUND MY FEET ♪
♪ I GOT SIX ON EACH ARM ♪
♪ AND TWO MORE AROUND MY FEET ♪
♪ LIFE IS A CARNIVAL ♪
♪ AND TWO MORE AROUND MY FEET ♪
♪ LIFE IS A CARNIVAL ♪
♪ BELIEVE IT OR NOT ♪
♪ LIFE IS A CARNIVAL ♪
♪ BELIEVE IT OR NOT ♪
♪ LIFE IS A CARNIVAL ♪
♪ BELIEVE IT OR NOT ♪
♪ LIFE IS A CARNIVAL ♪
♪ TWO BITS A SHOT ♪
♪ SAW A MAN WITH A JINX ♪
♪ IN THE THIRD DEGREE ♪
♪ TRYING TO DEAL WITH PEOPLE ♪
♪ IN THE THIRD DEGREE ♪
♪ TRYING TO DEAL WITH PEOPLE ♪
♪ PEOPLE THAT YOU CAN'T SEE ♪
♪ TRYING TO DEAL WITH PEOPLE ♪
♪ PEOPLE THAT YOU CAN'T SEE ♪
♪ TAKE AWAY ♪
♪ PEOPLE THAT YOU CAN'T SEE ♪
♪ TAKE AWAY ♪
♪ TAKE AWAY ♪
♪ TAKE AWAY ♪
♪ TAKE AWAY ♪
♪ TAKE AWAY ♪
♪ TAKE AWAY ♪
♪ TAKE AWAY ♪
♪ TAKE AWAY ♪
♪ TAKE AWAY ♪
♪ TAKE AWAY ♪
♪ THIS HOUSE OF MIRRORS ♪
♪ TAKE AWAY ♪
♪ THIS HOUSE OF MIRRORS ♪
♪ GIVE AWAY ♪
♪ THIS HOUSE OF MIRRORS ♪
♪ GIVE AWAY ♪
♪ GIVE AWAY ♪
♪ GIVE AWAY ♪
♪ GIVE AWAY ♪
♪ GIVE AWAY ♪
♪ GIVE AWAY ♪
♪ GIVE AWAY ♪
♪ GIVE AWAY ♪
♪ GIVE AWAY ♪
♪ GIVE AWAY ♪
♪ ALL THE SOUVENIRS ♪
♪ GIVE AWAY ♪
♪ ALL THE SOUVENIRS ♪
♪ WE'RE ALL IN THE SAME BOAT ♪
♪ ALL THE SOUVENIRS ♪
♪ WE'RE ALL IN THE SAME BOAT ♪
♪ READY TO FLOAT OFF THE EDGE OF
♪ WE'RE ALL IN THE SAME BOAT ♪
♪ READY TO FLOAT OFF THE EDGE OF
THE WORLD ♪
♪ READY TO FLOAT OFF THE EDGE OF
THE WORLD ♪
♪ A FLAT OLD WORLD ♪
THE WORLD ♪
♪ A FLAT OLD WORLD ♪
♪ THE STREET IS A SIDESHOW FROM
♪ A FLAT OLD WORLD ♪
♪ THE STREET IS A SIDESHOW FROM
THE PEDDLER TO THE CORNER GIRL ♪
♪ THE STREET IS A SIDESHOW FROM
THE PEDDLER TO THE CORNER GIRL ♪
♪ LIFE IS A CARNIVAL ♪
THE PEDDLER TO THE CORNER GIRL ♪
♪ LIFE IS A CARNIVAL ♪
♪ IT'S IN THE BOOK ♪
♪ LIFE IS A CARNIVAL ♪
♪ IT'S IN THE BOOK ♪
♪ LIFE IS A CARNIVAL ♪
♪ IT'S IN THE BOOK ♪
♪ LIFE IS A CARNIVAL ♪
♪ TAKE ANOTHER LOOK ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[INTRO TO "THE NIGHT THEY DROVE
OLD DIXIE DOWN" PLAYS]
♪ VIRGIL CAINE IS THE NAME, AND
[OLD DIXIE DOWN" PLAYS]
♪ VIRGIL CAINE IS THE NAME, AND
I SERVED ON THE DANVILLE TRAIN ♪
♪ VIRGIL CAINE IS THE NAME, AND
I SERVED ON THE DANVILLE TRAIN ♪
♪ TILL STONEWALL'S CAVALRY CAME
I SERVED ON THE DANVILLE TRAIN ♪
♪ TILL STONEWALL'S CAVALRY CAME
AND THEY TORE UP THE TRACKS
♪ TILL STONEWALL'S CAVALRY CAME
AND THEY TORE UP THE TRACKS
AGAIN ♪
AND THEY TORE UP THE TRACKS
AGAIN ♪
♪ IN THE WINTER OF '65, WE WERE
AGAIN ♪
♪ IN THE WINTER OF '65, WE WERE
HUNGRY ♪
♪ IN THE WINTER OF '65, WE WERE
HUNGRY ♪
♪ JUST BARELY ALIVE ♪
HUNGRY ♪
♪ JUST BARELY ALIVE ♪
♪ BY MAY 10th, RICHMOND FELL ♪
♪ JUST BARELY ALIVE ♪
♪ BY MAY 10th, RICHMOND FELL ♪
♪ IT'S A TIME I REMEMBER, OH, SO
♪ BY MAY 10th, RICHMOND FELL ♪
♪ IT'S A TIME I REMEMBER, OH, SO
WELL ♪
♪ IT'S A TIME I REMEMBER, OH, SO
WELL ♪
♪ THE NIGHT THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE
WELL ♪
♪ THE NIGHT THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE
DOWN ♪
♪ THE NIGHT THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE
DOWN ♪
♪ WHEN ALL THE BELLS WERE
DOWN ♪
♪ WHEN ALL THE BELLS WERE
RINGING ♪
♪ WHEN ALL THE BELLS WERE
RINGING ♪
♪ THE NIGHT THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE
RINGING ♪
♪ THE NIGHT THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE
DOWN ♪
♪ THE NIGHT THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE
DOWN ♪
♪ AND ALL THE PEOPLE WERE
DOWN ♪
♪ AND ALL THE PEOPLE WERE
SINGING ♪
♪ AND ALL THE PEOPLE WERE
SINGING ♪
♪ THEY WENT, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA,
SINGING ♪
♪ THEY WENT, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA,
NA, NA ♪
♪ THEY WENT, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA,
NA, NA ♪
♪ NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA ♪
NA, NA ♪
♪ NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA ♪
♪ BACK WITH MY WIFE IN
♪ NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA ♪
♪ BACK WITH MY WIFE IN
TENNESSEE ♪
♪ BACK WITH MY WIFE IN
TENNESSEE ♪
♪ WHEN ONE DAY SHE CALLED TO
TENNESSEE ♪
♪ WHEN ONE DAY SHE CALLED TO
ME ♪
♪ WHEN ONE DAY SHE CALLED TO
ME ♪
♪ SAID, "VIRGIL, QUICK, COME AND
ME ♪
♪ SAID, "VIRGIL, QUICK, COME AND
SEE ♪
♪ SAID, "VIRGIL, QUICK, COME AND
SEE ♪
♪ THERE GOES ROBERT E. LEE" ♪
SEE ♪
♪ THERE GOES ROBERT E. LEE" ♪
♪ NOW I DON'T MIND CHOPPING
♪ THERE GOES ROBERT E. LEE" ♪
♪ NOW I DON'T MIND CHOPPING
WOOD ♪
♪ NOW I DON'T MIND CHOPPING
WOOD ♪
♪ AND I DON'T CARE IF THE
WOOD ♪
♪ AND I DON'T CARE IF THE
MONEY'S NO GOOD ♪
♪ AND I DON'T CARE IF THE
MONEY'S NO GOOD ♪
♪ YOU TAKE WHAT YOU NEED, AND
MONEY'S NO GOOD ♪
♪ YOU TAKE WHAT YOU NEED, AND
YOU LEAVE THE REST ♪
♪ YOU TAKE WHAT YOU NEED, AND
YOU LEAVE THE REST ♪
♪ BUT THEY SHOULD NEVER HAVE
YOU LEAVE THE REST ♪
♪ BUT THEY SHOULD NEVER HAVE
TAKEN THE VERY BEST ♪
♪ BUT THEY SHOULD NEVER HAVE
TAKEN THE VERY BEST ♪
♪ THE NIGHT THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE
TAKEN THE VERY BEST ♪
♪ THE NIGHT THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE
DOWN ♪
♪ THE NIGHT THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE
DOWN ♪
♪ WHEN ALL THE BELLS WERE
DOWN ♪
♪ WHEN ALL THE BELLS WERE
RINGING ♪
♪ WHEN ALL THE BELLS WERE
RINGING ♪
♪ THE NIGHT THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE
RINGING ♪
♪ THE NIGHT THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE
DOWN ♪
♪ THE NIGHT THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE
DOWN ♪
♪ AND ALL THE PEOPLE WERE
DOWN ♪
♪ AND ALL THE PEOPLE WERE
SINGING ♪
♪ AND ALL THE PEOPLE WERE
SINGING ♪
♪ THEY WENT, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA,
SINGING ♪
♪ THEY WENT, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA,
NA, NA ♪
♪ THEY WENT, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA,
NA, NA ♪
♪ NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA ♪
♪ AND LIKE MY FATHER BEFORE ME ♪
♪ I WILL WORK THE LAND ♪
♪ AND LIKE MY BROTHER ABOVE ME ♪
♪ I WILL WORK THE LAND ♪
♪ AND LIKE MY BROTHER ABOVE ME ♪
♪ WHO TOOK A REBEL STAND ♪
♪ AND LIKE MY BROTHER ABOVE ME ♪
♪ WHO TOOK A REBEL STAND ♪
♪ HE WAS JUST 18, PROUD AND
♪ WHO TOOK A REBEL STAND ♪
♪ HE WAS JUST 18, PROUD AND
BRAVE ♪
♪ HE WAS JUST 18, PROUD AND
BRAVE ♪
♪ BUT A YANKEE A-LAID HIM IN HIS
BRAVE ♪
♪ BUT A YANKEE A-LAID HIM IN HIS
GRAVE ♪
♪ BUT A YANKEE A-LAID HIM IN HIS
GRAVE ♪
♪ AND I SWEAR BY THE MUD BELOW
GRAVE ♪
♪ AND I SWEAR BY THE MUD BELOW
MY FEET ♪
♪ AND I SWEAR BY THE MUD BELOW
MY FEET ♪
♪ YOU CAN'T RAISE A CAINE BACK
MY FEET ♪
♪ YOU CAN'T RAISE A CAINE BACK
UP WHEN HE'S IN DEFEAT ♪
♪ YOU CAN'T RAISE A CAINE BACK
UP WHEN HE'S IN DEFEAT ♪
♪ THE NIGHT THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE
UP WHEN HE'S IN DEFEAT ♪
♪ THE NIGHT THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE
DOWN ♪
♪ THE NIGHT THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE
DOWN ♪
♪ WHEN ALL THE BELLS WERE
DOWN ♪
♪ WHEN ALL THE BELLS WERE
RINGING ♪
♪ WHEN ALL THE BELLS WERE
RINGING ♪
♪ THE NIGHT THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE
RINGING ♪
♪ THE NIGHT THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE
DOWN ♪
♪ THE NIGHT THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE
DOWN ♪
♪ AND ALL THE PEOPLE WERE
DOWN ♪
♪ AND ALL THE PEOPLE WERE
SINGING ♪
♪ AND ALL THE PEOPLE WERE
SINGING ♪
♪ THEY WENT, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA,
SINGING ♪
♪ THEY WENT, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA,
NA, NA ♪
♪ THEY WENT, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA,
NA, NA ♪
♪ NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[INTRO TO "STAGE FRIGHT"
PLAYS]
♪ NOW DEEP IN THE HEART OF A
LONELY KID ♪
♪ WHO SUFFERED SO MUCH FOR WHAT
LONELY KID ♪
♪ WHO SUFFERED SO MUCH FOR WHAT
HE DID ♪
♪ WHO SUFFERED SO MUCH FOR WHAT
HE DID ♪
♪ THEY GAVE THIS POOR BOY HIS
HE DID ♪
♪ THEY GAVE THIS POOR BOY HIS
FORTUNE AND FAME ♪
♪ THEY GAVE THIS POOR BOY HIS
FORTUNE AND FAME ♪
♪ SINCE THAT DAY, HE AIN'T BEEN
FORTUNE AND FAME ♪
♪ SINCE THAT DAY, HE AIN'T BEEN
THE SAME ♪
♪ SINCE THAT DAY, HE AIN'T BEEN
THE SAME ♪
♪ SEE THE MAN WITH THE STAGE
THE SAME ♪
♪ SEE THE MAN WITH THE STAGE
FRIGHT ♪
♪ SEE THE MAN WITH THE STAGE
FRIGHT ♪
♪ JUST STANDING UP THERE TO GIVE
FRIGHT ♪
♪ JUST STANDING UP THERE TO GIVE
IT ALL HIS MIGHT ♪
♪ JUST STANDING UP THERE TO GIVE
IT ALL HIS MIGHT ♪
♪ HE GOT CAUGHT IN THE
IT ALL HIS MIGHT ♪
♪ HE GOT CAUGHT IN THE
SPOTLIGHT ♪
♪ HE GOT CAUGHT IN THE
SPOTLIGHT ♪
♪ BUT WHEN WE GETS TO THE END ♪
SPOTLIGHT ♪
♪ BUT WHEN WE GETS TO THE END ♪
♪ HE WANTS TO START ALL OVER
♪ BUT WHEN WE GETS TO THE END ♪
♪ HE WANTS TO START ALL OVER
AGAIN ♪
♪ HE WANTS TO START ALL OVER
AGAIN ♪
♪ I'VE GOT FIREWATER RIGHT ON
AGAIN ♪
♪ I'VE GOT FIREWATER RIGHT ON
MY BREATH ♪
♪ I'VE GOT FIREWATER RIGHT ON
MY BREATH ♪
♪ AND THE DOCTOR WARNED ME I
MY BREATH ♪
♪ AND THE DOCTOR WARNED ME I
MIGHT CATCH A DEATH ♪
♪ AND THE DOCTOR WARNED ME I
MIGHT CATCH A DEATH ♪
♪ HE SAID, "YOU CAN MAKE IT IN
MIGHT CATCH A DEATH ♪
♪ HE SAID, "YOU CAN MAKE IT IN
YOUR DISGUISE ♪
♪ HE SAID, "YOU CAN MAKE IT IN
YOUR DISGUISE ♪
♪ JUST NEVER SHOW THE FEAR
YOUR DISGUISE ♪
♪ JUST NEVER SHOW THE FEAR
THAT'S IN YOUR EYES ♪
♪ JUST NEVER SHOW THE FEAR
THAT'S IN YOUR EYES ♪
♪ SEE THE MAN WITH THE STAGE
THAT'S IN YOUR EYES ♪
♪ SEE THE MAN WITH THE STAGE
FRIGHT ♪
♪ SEE THE MAN WITH THE STAGE
FRIGHT ♪
♪ JUST STANDING UP THERE TO GIVE
FRIGHT ♪
♪ JUST STANDING UP THERE TO GIVE
IT ALL HIS MIGHT ♪
♪ JUST STANDING UP THERE TO GIVE
IT ALL HIS MIGHT ♪
♪ HE GOT CAUGHT IN THE
IT ALL HIS MIGHT ♪
♪ HE GOT CAUGHT IN THE
SPOTLIGHT ♪
♪ HE GOT CAUGHT IN THE
SPOTLIGHT ♪
♪ BUT WHEN WE GET TO THE END,
SPOTLIGHT ♪
♪ BUT WHEN WE GET TO THE END,
WELL, HE WANTS TO START ALL OVER
♪ BUT WHEN WE GET TO THE END,
WELL, HE WANTS TO START ALL OVER
AGAIN ♪
WELL, HE WANTS TO START ALL OVER
AGAIN ♪
♪ NOW IF HE SAYS THAT HE'S
AGAIN ♪
♪ NOW IF HE SAYS THAT HE'S
AFRAID ♪
♪ NOW IF HE SAYS THAT HE'S
AFRAID ♪
♪ WON'T YOU TAKE HIM AT HIS
AFRAID ♪
♪ WON'T YOU TAKE HIM AT HIS
WORD? ♪
♪ WON'T YOU TAKE HIM AT HIS
WORD? ♪
♪ AND FOR THE PRICE THAT THE
WORD? ♪
♪ AND FOR THE PRICE THAT THE
POOR BOY HAS PAID ♪
♪ AND FOR THE PRICE THAT THE
POOR BOY HAS PAID ♪
♪ HE GETS TO SING JUST LIKE A
POOR BOY HAS PAID ♪
♪ HE GETS TO SING JUST LIKE A
BIRD ♪
♪ HE GETS TO SING JUST LIKE A
BIRD ♪
♪ OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH ♪
♪ WHEN MY BROW IS SWEATING AND
MY MOUTH GETS DRY ♪
♪ FANCY PEOPLE GO DRIFTING BY ♪
MY MOUTH GETS DRY ♪
♪ FANCY PEOPLE GO DRIFTING BY ♪
♪ WELL, THE MOMENT OF TRUTH IS
♪ FANCY PEOPLE GO DRIFTING BY ♪
♪ WELL, THE MOMENT OF TRUTH IS
RIGHT AT HAND ♪
♪ WELL, THE MOMENT OF TRUTH IS
RIGHT AT HAND ♪
♪ JUST ONE MORE NIGHTMARE YOU
RIGHT AT HAND ♪
♪ JUST ONE MORE NIGHTMARE YOU
COULD STAND ♪
♪ JUST ONE MORE NIGHTMARE YOU
COULD STAND ♪
♪ SEE THE MAN WITH THE STAGE
COULD STAND ♪
♪ SEE THE MAN WITH THE STAGE
FRIGHT ♪
♪ SEE THE MAN WITH THE STAGE
FRIGHT ♪
♪ JUST STANDING UP THERE TO GIVE
FRIGHT ♪
♪ JUST STANDING UP THERE TO GIVE
IT ALL HIS MIGHT ♪
♪ JUST STANDING UP THERE TO GIVE
IT ALL HIS MIGHT ♪
♪ AND HE GOT CAUGHT IN THE
IT ALL HIS MIGHT ♪
♪ AND HE GOT CAUGHT IN THE
SPOTLIGHT ♪
♪ AND HE GOT CAUGHT IN THE
SPOTLIGHT ♪
♪ BUT WHEN WE GET TO THE END,
SPOTLIGHT ♪
♪ BUT WHEN WE GET TO THE END,
WELL, HE WANTS TO START ALL OVER
♪ BUT WHEN WE GET TO THE END,
WELL, HE WANTS TO START ALL OVER
AGAIN ♪
WELL, HE WANTS TO START ALL OVER
AGAIN ♪
♪ JUST START ALL OVER AGAIN ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
DAMIAN IS SUCH A STRANGE
LITTLE BOY.
EVEN HIS NAME IS STRANGE...
LITTLE BOY.
EVEN HIS NAME IS STRANGE...
DAMIAN.
EVEN HIS NAME IS STRANGE...
DAMIAN.
WHY DID YOU NAME HIM THAT?
DAMIAN.
WHY DID YOU NAME HIM THAT?
I DIDN'T NAME HIM THAT.
WHY DID YOU NAME HIM THAT?
I DIDN'T NAME HIM THAT.
I THOUGHT YOU NAMED HIM THAT.
I DIDN'T NAME HIM THAT.
I THOUGHT YOU NAMED HIM THAT.
NO, I DIDN'T.
I THOUGHT YOU NAMED HIM THAT.
NO, I DIDN'T.
HOW STRANGE.
NO, I DIDN'T.
HOW STRANGE.
YES.
HOW STRANGE.
YES.
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED HOW HE HAS
YES.
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED HOW HE HAS
THIS STRANGE, ALMOST DIABOLICAL
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED HOW HE HAS
THIS STRANGE, ALMOST DIABOLICAL
POWER OVER NANNY?
THIS STRANGE, ALMOST DIABOLICAL
POWER OVER NANNY?
YES.
POWER OVER NANNY?
YES.
IS SHE AFRAID OF HIM, OR HAS SHE
YES.
IS SHE AFRAID OF HIM, OR HAS SHE
ALWAYS SLEPT IN A BIBLE?
IS SHE AFRAID OF HIM, OR HAS SHE
ALWAYS SLEPT IN A BIBLE?
BY THE WAY, WHERE IS NANNY?
ALWAYS SLEPT IN A BIBLE?
BY THE WAY, WHERE IS NANNY?
[CLATTERING]
BY THE WAY, WHERE IS NANNY?
[CLATTERING]
I DON'T KNOW.
[CLATTERING]
I DON'T KNOW.
SHE MUST BE UPSTAIRS SOMEWHERE.
I DON'T KNOW.
SHE MUST BE UPSTAIRS SOMEWHERE.
AH!
SHE MUST BE UPSTAIRS SOMEWHERE.
AH!
THERE'S NANNY NOW!
AH!
THERE'S NANNY NOW!
WELL, I SUPPOSE WE'LL HAVE TO
THERE'S NANNY NOW!
WELL, I SUPPOSE WE'LL HAVE TO
GET A NEW NANNY.
WELL, I SUPPOSE WE'LL HAVE TO
GET A NEW NANNY.
I HATE IT WHEN NANNY HANGS
GET A NEW NANNY.
I HATE IT WHEN NANNY HANGS
HERSELF.
I HATE IT WHEN NANNY HANGS
HERSELF.
BUT THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN
HERSELF.
BUT THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN
YOU'RE AN AMBASSADOR.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
HELLO, I'M THE NEW NANNY...
MRS. BAYLOCK.
HELLO, I'M THE NEW NANNY...
MRS. BAYLOCK.
STAY, STUFFY.
MRS. BAYLOCK.
STAY, STUFFY.
PERHAPS I COULD GET ACQUAINTED
STAY, STUFFY.
PERHAPS I COULD GET ACQUAINTED
WITH DAMIAN IN MY OWN WAY.
PERHAPS I COULD GET ACQUAINTED
WITH DAMIAN IN MY OWN WAY.
SWELL!
WITH DAMIAN IN MY OWN WAY.
SWELL!
YES.
SWELL!
YES.
COME HERE, DAMIAN.
YES.
COME HERE, DAMIAN.
COME HERE, DARLING.
COME HERE, DAMIAN.
COME HERE, DARLING.
HAVE A LIVER SNAP!
COME HERE, DARLING.
HAVE A LIVER SNAP!
AH, I LIKE THE NEW NANNY.
HAVE A LIVER SNAP!
AH, I LIKE THE NEW NANNY.
ME, TOO.
AH, I LIKE THE NEW NANNY.
ME, TOO.
AMBASSADOR THORN!
ME, TOO.
AMBASSADOR THORN!
I'M FATHER GORGENHAVEN!
AMBASSADOR THORN!
I'M FATHER GORGENHAVEN!
I MUST TALK TO YOU!
I'M FATHER GORGENHAVEN!
I MUST TALK TO YOU!
FIRST, I'D LIKE TO EXPLAIN.
I MUST TALK TO YOU!
FIRST, I'D LIKE TO EXPLAIN.
IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE, BUT ON MY
FIRST, I'D LIKE TO EXPLAIN.
IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE, BUT ON MY
WAY OVER HERE TO WARN YOU, I WAS
IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE, BUT ON MY
WAY OVER HERE TO WARN YOU, I WAS
IMPALED ON THIS STANDING LAMP.
WAY OVER HERE TO WARN YOU, I WAS
IMPALED ON THIS STANDING LAMP.
CAN I GET YOU A DRINK?
IMPALED ON THIS STANDING LAMP.
CAN I GET YOU A DRINK?
NO, BUT I COULD USE SOME
CAN I GET YOU A DRINK?
NO, BUT I COULD USE SOME
MURINE.
NO, BUT I COULD USE SOME
MURINE.
RIGHT AWAY, FATHER.
MURINE.
RIGHT AWAY, FATHER.
FIND OUT WHERE HE GOT THAT
RIGHT AWAY, FATHER.
FIND OUT WHERE HE GOT THAT
TERRIFIC LAMP.
FIND OUT WHERE HE GOT THAT
TERRIFIC LAMP.
I SHALL.
TERRIFIC LAMP.
I SHALL.
AMBASSADOR THORN, YOUR WIFE
I SHALL.
AMBASSADOR THORN, YOUR WIFE
IS NOT YOUR SON'S MOTHER.
AMBASSADOR THORN, YOUR WIFE
IS NOT YOUR SON'S MOTHER.
I WITNESSED THE BIRTH.
IS NOT YOUR SON'S MOTHER.
I WITNESSED THE BIRTH.
I SAW IT WITH MY OWN EYE.
I WITNESSED THE BIRTH.
I SAW IT WITH MY OWN EYE.
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
I SAW IT WITH MY OWN EYE.
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
I'M SAYING THAT DAMIAN ISN'T
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
I'M SAYING THAT DAMIAN ISN'T
YOUR REAL SON.
I'M SAYING THAT DAMIAN ISN'T
YOUR REAL SON.
I SAW HIS MOTHER.
YOUR REAL SON.
I SAW HIS MOTHER.
SHE WAS A D...
I SAW HIS MOTHER.
SHE WAS A D...
FATHER?
SHE WAS A D...
FATHER?
FATHER?!
FATHER?
FATHER?!
HE WAS TRYING TO TELL ME
FATHER?!
HE WAS TRYING TO TELL ME
SOMETHING.
HE WAS TRYING TO TELL ME
SOMETHING.
DAMIAN'S REAL MOTHER WAS A D...
SOMETHING.
DAMIAN'S REAL MOTHER WAS A D...
A DOCKWORKER.
DAMIAN'S REAL MOTHER WAS A D...
A DOCKWORKER.
NO, A DOORMAN!
A DOCKWORKER.
NO, A DOORMAN!
UH... A DREADFUL PERSON.
NO, A DOORMAN!
UH... A DREADFUL PERSON.
UH, DILDO SHARPENER.
UH... A DREADFUL PERSON.
UH, DILDO SHARPENER.
NO, A DART... DRAMA...
UH, DILDO SHARPENER.
NO, A DART... DRAMA...
WE'LL NEVER KNOW.
NO, A DART... DRAMA...
WE'LL NEVER KNOW.
WAIT!
WE'LL NEVER KNOW.
WAIT!
I'M NOT DEAD YET!
WAIT!
I'M NOT DEAD YET!
LET ME PUT IT ANOTHER WAY.
I'M NOT DEAD YET!
LET ME PUT IT ANOTHER WAY.
DAMIAN HAD A DOG FOR A MO...
LET ME PUT IT ANOTHER WAY.
DAMIAN HAD A DOG FOR A MO...
"A DOG FOR A MO... "?
DAMIAN HAD A DOG FOR A MO...
"A DOG FOR A MO... "?
A DOG FOR A MILKMAID?
"A DOG FOR A MO... "?
A DOG FOR A MILKMAID?
A MOTH TRAINER?
A DOG FOR A MILKMAID?
A MOTH TRAINER?
A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR?
A MOTH TRAINER?
A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR?
WAIT A MINUTE, DAMIAN HAD A DOG
A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR?
WAIT A MINUTE, DAMIAN HAD A DOG
FOR A DART SHARPENER?
WAIT A MINUTE, DAMIAN HAD A DOG
FOR A DART SHARPENER?
DON'T DIE ON ME NOW, FATHER.
FOR A DART SHARPENER?
DON'T DIE ON ME NOW, FATHER.
I MUST KNOW... WHERE IS DAMIAN'S
DON'T DIE ON ME NOW, FATHER.
I MUST KNOW... WHERE IS DAMIAN'S
REAL MOTHER?
I MUST KNOW... WHERE IS DAMIAN'S
REAL MOTHER?
IN THE CEMETERY OF
REAL MOTHER?
IN THE CEMETERY OF
SANTA DIANGELO!
IN THE CEMETERY OF
SANTA DIANGELO!
AH.
SANTA DIANGELO!
AH.
HERE'S YOUR MURINE, FATHER.
AH.
HERE'S YOUR MURINE, FATHER.
OH, THANKS A LOT.
HERE'S YOUR MURINE, FATHER.
OH, THANKS A LOT.
NOW, LISTEN, HONEY...
OH, THANKS A LOT.
NOW, LISTEN, HONEY...
GORGENHAVEN AND I ARE GOING ON A
NOW, LISTEN, HONEY...
GORGENHAVEN AND I ARE GOING ON A
LITTLE TRIP TO THE OCULUS TO GET
GORGENHAVEN AND I ARE GOING ON A
LITTLE TRIP TO THE OCULUS TO GET
HIM A MONOCLE.
LITTLE TRIP TO THE OCULUS TO GET
HIM A MONOCLE.
YOU STAY HERE WITH DEAD NANNY,
HIM A MONOCLE.
YOU STAY HERE WITH DEAD NANNY,
LIVE NANNY, STUFFY THE DEVIL
YOU STAY HERE WITH DEAD NANNY,
LIVE NANNY, STUFFY THE DEVIL
DOG, BIG SATAN BABY, OR WHATEVER
LIVE NANNY, STUFFY THE DEVIL
DOG, BIG SATAN BABY, OR WHATEVER
HIS NAME IS.
DOG, BIG SATAN BABY, OR WHATEVER
HIS NAME IS.
YOU'LL BE SAFE WITH THEM.
HIS NAME IS.
YOU'LL BE SAFE WITH THEM.
OH, THAT WILL BE FUN.
YOU'LL BE SAFE WITH THEM.
OH, THAT WILL BE FUN.
COME ON, FATHER.
OH, THAT WILL BE FUN.
COME ON, FATHER.
AYE, WE MUST HURRY.
LET'S SEE NOW, THERE'S
FLICKA...
HMM.
FLICKA...
HMM.
MR. ED...
HMM.
MR. ED...
BLACK BEAUTY...
MR. ED...
BLACK BEAUTY...
RUFFIAN...
BLACK BEAUTY...
RUFFIAN...
WHAT IS THIS?
RUFFIAN...
WHAT IS THIS?
THESE SEEM TO BE LATE HORSES.
WHAT IS THIS?
THESE SEEM TO BE LATE HORSES.
KEEP LOOKING.
THESE SEEM TO BE LATE HORSES.
KEEP LOOKING.
AH, OLD YELLER...
KEEP LOOKING.
AH, OLD YELLER...
CHECKERS...
AH, OLD YELLER...
CHECKERS...
AND DAMIAN'S MOTHER!
CHECKERS...
AND DAMIAN'S MOTHER!
MY GOD!
AND DAMIAN'S MOTHER!
MY GOD!
WHY IN HELL DO YOU SUPPOSE
MY GOD!
WHY IN HELL DO YOU SUPPOSE
THEY WOULD BURY HER IN A PET
WHY IN HELL DO YOU SUPPOSE
THEY WOULD BURY HER IN A PET
CEMETERY?
THEY WOULD BURY HER IN A PET
CEMETERY?
OH.
CEMETERY?
OH.
OH, MY GOD.
OH.
OH, MY GOD.
MY DEAR, DEAD DARLING, DAMP,
OH, MY GOD.
MY DEAR, DEAD DARLING, DAMP,
DROWNED WIFE!
MY DEAR, DEAD DARLING, DAMP,
DROWNED WIFE!
BAD DOG, BAD DOG!
DROWNED WIFE!
BAD DOG, BAD DOG!
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!
BAD DOG, BAD DOG!
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!
AH, AMBASSADOR THORN.
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!
AH, AMBASSADOR THORN.
YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE LEFT ME IN
AH, AMBASSADOR THORN.
YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE LEFT ME IN
THE CAR ALONE.
YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE LEFT ME IN
THE CAR ALONE.
IT TOOK ME 20 MINUTES TO GET
THE CAR ALONE.
IT TOOK ME 20 MINUTES TO GET
OUT.
IT TOOK ME 20 MINUTES TO GET
OUT.
LISTEN, ONE OF OUR NANNIES
OUT.
LISTEN, ONE OF OUR NANNIES
HAS BEEN HUNG.
LISTEN, ONE OF OUR NANNIES
HAS BEEN HUNG.
MY WIFE HAS DROWNED.
HAS BEEN HUNG.
MY WIFE HAS DROWNED.
MY SON'S REAL MOTHER IS BURIED
MY WIFE HAS DROWNED.
MY SON'S REAL MOTHER IS BURIED
IN A PET CEMETERY.
MY SON'S REAL MOTHER IS BURIED
IN A PET CEMETERY.
SOMETHING SEEMS TO BE WRONG.
IN A PET CEMETERY.
SOMETHING SEEMS TO BE WRONG.
IT IS THE WORK OF SATAN.
SOMETHING SEEMS TO BE WRONG.
IT IS THE WORK OF SATAN.
HE IS AMONG US.
IT IS THE WORK OF SATAN.
HE IS AMONG US.
HE...
HE IS AMONG US.
HE...
[GROANS]
HE...
[GROANS]
FATHER?
[GROANS]
FATHER?
THANK GOD FOR THE BANDAGE.
FATHER?
THANK GOD FOR THE BANDAGE.
AMBASSADOR THORN?
THANK GOD FOR THE BANDAGE.
AMBASSADOR THORN?
YES?
AMBASSADOR THORN?
YES?
I HAVE SOME PICTURES.
YES?
I HAVE SOME PICTURES.
I'M NOT INTERESTED IN
I HAVE SOME PICTURES.
I'M NOT INTERESTED IN
PICTURES NOW.
I'M NOT INTERESTED IN
PICTURES NOW.
PICTURES OF YOUR WIFE.
PICTURES NOW.
PICTURES OF YOUR WIFE.
I'M NOT INTERESTED.
PICTURES OF YOUR WIFE.
I'M NOT INTERESTED.
AND YOUR DOG.
I'M NOT INTERESTED.
AND YOUR DOG.
I'M INTERESTED.
AND YOUR DOG.
I'M INTERESTED.
GOOD.
I'M INTERESTED.
GOOD.
IT'S A BIT DARK IN HERE.
GOOD.
IT'S A BIT DARK IN HERE.
LET'S TURN ON THE PRIEST.
IT'S A BIT DARK IN HERE.
LET'S TURN ON THE PRIEST.
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S TURN ON THE PRIEST.
ALL RIGHT.
LOOK AT THIS.
ALL RIGHT.
LOOK AT THIS.
YES?
LOOK AT THIS.
YES?
THE SAME THING IN EACH SHOT.
YES?
THE SAME THING IN EACH SHOT.
LOOK ABOVE THE NANNY'S HEAD.
THE SAME THING IN EACH SHOT.
LOOK ABOVE THE NANNY'S HEAD.
THREE 6's.
LOOK ABOVE THE NANNY'S HEAD.
THREE 6's.
THE NUMBERS 666.
THREE 6's.
THE NUMBERS 666.
AGAIN, ABOVE THE PRIEST'S
THE NUMBERS 666.
AGAIN, ABOVE THE PRIEST'S
HEAD... THE NUMBERS 666.
AGAIN, ABOVE THE PRIEST'S
HEAD... THE NUMBERS 666.
AH.
HEAD... THE NUMBERS 666.
AH.
AND AGAIN HERE... THE SAME
AH.
AND AGAIN HERE... THE SAME
MARK... 666.
AND AGAIN HERE... THE SAME
MARK... 666.
THIS IS INCREDIBLE.
MARK... 666.
THIS IS INCREDIBLE.
WHERE DID YOU GET THESE
THIS IS INCREDIBLE.
WHERE DID YOU GET THESE
PICTURES?
WHERE DID YOU GET THESE
PICTURES?
I GOT THEM AT 666
PICTURES?
I GOT THEM AT 666
KNIGHTSBRIDGE, RIGHT NEAR THE
I GOT THEM AT 666
KNIGHTSBRIDGE, RIGHT NEAR THE
LONDON HILL.
KNIGHTSBRIDGE, RIGHT NEAR THE
LONDON HILL.
DO YOU HAVE ANY MORE
LONDON HILL.
DO YOU HAVE ANY MORE
PICTURES?
DO YOU HAVE ANY MORE
PICTURES?
HERE'S THE FUNNIEST THING.
PICTURES?
HERE'S THE FUNNIEST THING.
AT A CHRISTMAS PARTY, I MADE AN
HERE'S THE FUNNIEST THING.
AT A CHRISTMAS PARTY, I MADE AN
ASS OF MYSELF.
AT A CHRISTMAS PARTY, I MADE AN
ASS OF MYSELF.
[LAUGHS]
ASS OF MYSELF.
[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHS]
AND HERE'S ONE AT MY WEDDING.
[LAUGHS]
AND HERE'S ONE AT MY WEDDING.
I'LL NEVER FORGET THAT.
AND HERE'S ONE AT MY WEDDING.
I'LL NEVER FORGET THAT.
[LAUGHS]
I'LL NEVER FORGET THAT.
[LAUGHS]
AND THERE'S SOME MORE IN THE
[LAUGHS]
AND THERE'S SOME MORE IN THE
CAR.
AND THERE'S SOME MORE IN THE
CAR.
I COULD GET THEM.
CAR.
I COULD GET THEM.
WHY DON'T YOU?
I COULD GET THEM.
WHY DON'T YOU?
YOU FOOL!
WHY DON'T YOU?
YOU FOOL!
IT'S THOSE EARLIER PICTURES!
YOU FOOL!
IT'S THOSE EARLIER PICTURES!
YES?
IT'S THOSE EARLIER PICTURES!
YES?
THE ONES WITH THE 666!
YES?
THE ONES WITH THE 666!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
THE ONES WITH THE 666!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
IT'S THE SIGN OF THE
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
IT'S THE SIGN OF THE
ANTICHRIST!
IT'S THE SIGN OF THE
ANTICHRIST!
666... THE DEVIL'S AREA CODE!
ANTICHRIST!
666... THE DEVIL'S AREA CODE!
SEARCH FOR IT ON THE SKIN OF
666... THE DEVIL'S AREA CODE!
SEARCH FOR IT ON THE SKIN OF
THE EVIL ONE!
SEARCH FOR IT ON THE SKIN OF
THE EVIL ONE!
WELL, WHAT EVIL ONE?
THE EVIL ONE!
WELL, WHAT EVIL ONE?
DAMIAN... HIS FATHER WAS
WELL, WHAT EVIL ONE?
DAMIAN... HIS FATHER WAS
SATAN.
DAMIAN... HIS FATHER WAS
SATAN.
HIS MOTHER WAS SPOT, OR WHATEVER
SATAN.
HIS MOTHER WAS SPOT, OR WHATEVER
HER NAME WAS.
HIS MOTHER WAS SPOT, OR WHATEVER
HER NAME WAS.
WAIT.
HER NAME WAS.
WAIT.
WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT.
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT IF I FIND
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT IF I FIND
THREE 6's ON THE SKIN OF THAT
YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT IF I FIND
THREE 6's ON THE SKIN OF THAT
BOY, THAT WILL PROVE HE IS THE
THREE 6's ON THE SKIN OF THAT
BOY, THAT WILL PROVE HE IS THE
SON OF SATAN HIMSELF?
BOY, THAT WILL PROVE HE IS THE
SON OF SATAN HIMSELF?
YES.
SON OF SATAN HIMSELF?
YES.
THEN WHAT DO I DO?
YES.
THEN WHAT DO I DO?
THEN, IT IS A FIGHT TO THE
THEN WHAT DO I DO?
THEN, IT IS A FIGHT TO THE
DEATH BETWEEN YOU AND THE PRINCE
THEN, IT IS A FIGHT TO THE
DEATH BETWEEN YOU AND THE PRINCE
OF DARKNESS, AND REMEMBER, HE'S
DEATH BETWEEN YOU AND THE PRINCE
OF DARKNESS, AND REMEMBER, HE'S
ALL-POWERFUL AND CAN SUMMON UP
OF DARKNESS, AND REMEMBER, HE'S
ALL-POWERFUL AND CAN SUMMON UP
ALL EVIL FORCES OF THE WORLD
ALL-POWERFUL AND CAN SUMMON UP
ALL EVIL FORCES OF THE WORLD
AGAINST YOU.
ALL EVIL FORCES OF THE WORLD
AGAINST YOU.
HE'LL DO ANYTHING TO DESTROY THE
AGAINST YOU.
HE'LL DO ANYTHING TO DESTROY THE
WORLD AND YOU.
HE'LL DO ANYTHING TO DESTROY THE
WORLD AND YOU.
WHAT WEAPONS WILL I HAVE AT
WORLD AND YOU.
WHAT WEAPONS WILL I HAVE AT
MY DISPOSAL?
WHAT WEAPONS WILL I HAVE AT
MY DISPOSAL?
YOU'LL HAVE TO GET A
MY DISPOSAL?
YOU'LL HAVE TO GET A
SPECIALLY BLESSED KNIFE FROM A
YOU'LL HAVE TO GET A
SPECIALLY BLESSED KNIFE FROM A
SPECIALLY BLESSED GUY I KNOW.
SPECIALLY BLESSED KNIFE FROM A
SPECIALLY BLESSED GUY I KNOW.
SEIZE THE FIEND AND DRAG HIM
SPECIALLY BLESSED GUY I KNOW.
SEIZE THE FIEND AND DRAG HIM
OFF TO THE ALTER OF THE CHURCH
SEIZE THE FIEND AND DRAG HIM
OFF TO THE ALTER OF THE CHURCH
OF YOUR CHOICE.
OFF TO THE ALTER OF THE CHURCH
OF YOUR CHOICE.
YES?
OF YOUR CHOICE.
YES?
PLUNGE THE KNIFE INTO HIS
YES?
PLUNGE THE KNIFE INTO HIS
BLACK HEART.
PLUNGE THE KNIFE INTO HIS
BLACK HEART.
YES?
BLACK HEART.
YES?
SEVER HIS LIMBS.
YES?
SEVER HIS LIMBS.
YES?
SEVER HIS LIMBS.
YES?
PLUCK FOR HIS KIDNEYS AND
YES?
PLUCK FOR HIS KIDNEYS AND
PUT THEM IN YOUR POCKETS... MORE
PLUCK FOR HIS KIDNEYS AND
PUT THEM IN YOUR POCKETS... MORE
ON THAT LATER... AND SET HIS
PUT THEM IN YOUR POCKETS... MORE
ON THAT LATER... AND SET HIS
HAIR ON FIRE.
ON THAT LATER... AND SET HIS
HAIR ON FIRE.
FATHER, IT'S REVOLTING, BUT I
HAIR ON FIRE.
FATHER, IT'S REVOLTING, BUT I
THINK I UNDERSTAND WHAT MUST BE
FATHER, IT'S REVOLTING, BUT I
THINK I UNDERSTAND WHAT MUST BE
DONE.
THINK I UNDERSTAND WHAT MUST BE
DONE.
AYE.
DONE.
AYE.
AMBASSADOR THORN, I WARN
AYE.
AMBASSADOR THORN, I WARN
YOU!
AMBASSADOR THORN, I WARN
YOU!
I'M HERE TO PROTECT THE CHILD,
YOU!
I'M HERE TO PROTECT THE CHILD,
AND I'LL STOP AT NOTHING!
I'M HERE TO PROTECT THE CHILD,
AND I'LL STOP AT NOTHING!
JUST A SECOND.
AND I'LL STOP AT NOTHING!
JUST A SECOND.
WE MUST FIND OUT.
JUST A SECOND.
WE MUST FIND OUT.
HEY, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
WE MUST FIND OUT.
HEY, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
IT'S JUST THREE 9's.
HEY, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
IT'S JUST THREE 9's.
AH, GOOD BOY, DAMIAN.
IT'S JUST THREE 9's.
AH, GOOD BOY, DAMIAN.
GIVE HIM A LIVER SNAP, NURSIE.
AH, GOOD BOY, DAMIAN.
GIVE HIM A LIVER SNAP, NURSIE.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
GIVE HIM A LIVER SNAP, NURSIE.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
COME ON, FATHER GORGENHAVEN.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
COME ON, FATHER GORGENHAVEN.
LET'S GO DOWN TO THE ALL-NIGHT
COME ON, FATHER GORGENHAVEN.
LET'S GO DOWN TO THE ALL-NIGHT
DRUGSTORE AND GET THAT EYE
LET'S GO DOWN TO THE ALL-NIGHT
DRUGSTORE AND GET THAT EYE
SOME OINTMENT.
DRUGSTORE AND GET THAT EYE
SOME OINTMENT.
WHAT ABOUT MY LAMP?
HOWARD SHORE, OUR BAND
LEADER, WROTE A SPECIAL SONG FOR
THIS WEEK'S SHOW, WHICH HE
LEADER, WROTE A SPECIAL SONG FOR
THIS WEEK'S SHOW, WHICH HE
SINGS.
THIS WEEK'S SHOW, WHICH HE
SINGS.
IT'S COMBINED WITH A SPECIAL
SINGS.
IT'S COMBINED WITH A SPECIAL
FILM BY GARY WEIS, AND I'M IN
IT'S COMBINED WITH A SPECIAL
FILM BY GARY WEIS, AND I'M IN
THERE SOME PLACE, TOO.
FILM BY GARY WEIS, AND I'M IN
THERE SOME PLACE, TOO.
HERE'S GARY WEIS' FILM.
♪ PUT ON THE FULL MOON
RISING ♪
♪ PUT ON THE DARKEST NIGHT ♪
RISING ♪
♪ PUT ON THE DARKEST NIGHT ♪
♪ YOU CAN'T BELIEVE IT CAME SO
♪ PUT ON THE DARKEST NIGHT ♪
♪ YOU CAN'T BELIEVE IT CAME SO
QUICKLY ♪
♪ YOU CAN'T BELIEVE IT CAME SO
QUICKLY ♪
♪ OH, BUT, BABY, IT'S HALLOWEEN
QUICKLY ♪
♪ OH, BUT, BABY, IT'S HALLOWEEN
TONIGHT ♪
♪ YOU SURE LOOK FINE IN YOUR
COSTUME ♪
♪ I'D SAY YOU'VE DONE YOURSELF
COSTUME ♪
♪ I'D SAY YOU'VE DONE YOURSELF
UP RIGHT ♪
♪ I'D SAY YOU'VE DONE YOURSELF
UP RIGHT ♪
♪ YOU KNOW YOU DON'T HAVE TO
UP RIGHT ♪
♪ YOU KNOW YOU DON'T HAVE TO
LOOK TOO PRETTY ♪
♪ YOU KNOW YOU DON'T HAVE TO
LOOK TOO PRETTY ♪
♪ 'CAUSE, BABY, IT'S HALLOWEEN
LOOK TOO PRETTY ♪
♪ 'CAUSE, BABY, IT'S HALLOWEEN
TONIGHT ♪
♪ AND IN THE EVENING, WHEN THE
SUN GOES DOWN ♪
♪ OH, WE'RE GONNA DRESS UP AND
SUN GOES DOWN ♪
♪ OH, WE'RE GONNA DRESS UP AND
GET OURSELVES DOWNTOWN ♪
♪ OH, WE'RE GONNA DRESS UP AND
GET OURSELVES DOWNTOWN ♪
♪ AND THEN THAT NIGHT, WHEN THAT
GET OURSELVES DOWNTOWN ♪
♪ AND THEN THAT NIGHT, WHEN THAT
CLOCK STRIKES 12:00 ♪
♪ AND THEN THAT NIGHT, WHEN THAT
CLOCK STRIKES 12:00 ♪
♪ WE'RE GONNA GET BACK HOME IN
CLOCK STRIKES 12:00 ♪
♪ WE'RE GONNA GET BACK HOME IN
TIME TO ACT OURSELVES ♪
♪ WE'RE GONNA GET BACK HOME IN
TIME TO ACT OURSELVES ♪
♪ I'LL PUT ON MY RED BANDANA ♪
TIME TO ACT OURSELVES ♪
♪ I'LL PUT ON MY RED BANDANA ♪
♪ MAKE SURE YOU TURN OUT ALL THE
♪ I'LL PUT ON MY RED BANDANA ♪
♪ MAKE SURE YOU TURN OUT ALL THE
LIGHTS ♪
♪ MAKE SURE YOU TURN OUT ALL THE
LIGHTS ♪
♪ WE HAVEN'T GOT NO TIME FOR
LIGHTS ♪
♪ WE HAVEN'T GOT NO TIME FOR
TV ♪
♪ WE HAVEN'T GOT NO TIME FOR
TV ♪
♪ 'CAUSE, BABY, IT'S
TV ♪
♪ 'CAUSE, BABY, IT'S
HALLOWEEN ♪
♪ 'CAUSE, BABY, IT'S
HALLOWEEN ♪
♪ OH, BABY, IT'S HALLOWEEN ♪
HALLOWEEN ♪
♪ OH, BABY, IT'S HALLOWEEN ♪
♪ OH, BABY, IT'S HALLOWEEN
♪ OH, BABY, IT'S HALLOWEEN ♪
♪ OH, BABY, IT'S HALLOWEEN
TONIGHT ♪
PROVING WHAT YOU SEE IS NOT
NECESSARILY WHAT YOU GET.
HIS NAME WAS EHRICH WEISS, BUT
NECESSARILY WHAT YOU GET.
HIS NAME WAS EHRICH WEISS, BUT
MILLIONS KNEW HIM AS THE GREAT
HIS NAME WAS EHRICH WEISS, BUT
MILLIONS KNEW HIM AS THE GREAT
HOUDINI.
MILLIONS KNEW HIM AS THE GREAT
HOUDINI.
IT WAS EXACTLY 50 YEARS AGO
HOUDINI.
IT WAS EXACTLY 50 YEARS AGO
TONIGHT THAT THE GREAT HOUDINI
IT WAS EXACTLY 50 YEARS AGO
TONIGHT THAT THE GREAT HOUDINI
DIED AFTER A FATAL BLOW TO HIS
TONIGHT THAT THE GREAT HOUDINI
DIED AFTER A FATAL BLOW TO HIS
STOMACH BY AN ART STUDENT AT
DIED AFTER A FATAL BLOW TO HIS
STOMACH BY AN ART STUDENT AT
McGILL UNIVERSITY.
STOMACH BY AN ART STUDENT AT
McGILL UNIVERSITY.
NOW, HOUDINI WROTE THAT IF IT
McGILL UNIVERSITY.
NOW, HOUDINI WROTE THAT IF IT
WERE AT ALL POSSIBLE TO RETURN
NOW, HOUDINI WROTE THAT IF IT
WERE AT ALL POSSIBLE TO RETURN
FROM THE DEAD, HE WOULD DO SO
WERE AT ALL POSSIBLE TO RETURN
FROM THE DEAD, HE WOULD DO SO
EXACTLY 50 YEARS FROM HIS DEATH,
FROM THE DEAD, HE WOULD DO SO
EXACTLY 50 YEARS FROM HIS DEATH,
AND TONIGHT IS THAT NIGHT.
WE NOW SWITCH YOU, LIVE, TO OUR
MOBILE CAMERA UNIT AT
MACHPELAH CEMETERY IN BROOKLYN
WHERE GARRETT MORRIS IS STANDING
AT THE GRAVE SITE OF THE FAMOUS
MAGICIAN HIMSELF.
COME IN, GARRETT.
GARRETT, HAS ANYTHING HAPPENED?
UH, BUCK?
UH, ABOUT FIVE MINUTES AGO, MAN,
A VERY STRANGE-LOOKING DUDE CAME
RIGHT HERE BY THE GRAVE SITE,
MAN.
UH, HE HAD A VERY HEAVY SPANISH
ACCENT AND... AND... AND HE WORE
A UNIFORM, AND HE SAID HIS NAME
ACCENT AND... AND... AND HE WORE
A UNIFORM, AND HE SAID HIS NAME
WAS FRANK... FRAN...
A UNIFORM, AND HE SAID HIS NAME
WAS FRANK... FRAN...
SAN FRANCISCO... GENERALISSIMO.
WAS FRANK... FRAN...
SAN FRANCISCO... GENERALISSIMO.
I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS.
SAN FRANCISCO... GENERALISSIMO.
I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS.
HE WAS NOT HOUDINI.
I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS.
HE WAS NOT HOUDINI.
THAT IS FOR SURE.
HE WAS NOT HOUDINI.
THAT IS FOR SURE.
ALL RIGHT, GARRETT.
THAT IS FOR SURE.
ALL RIGHT, GARRETT.
UH, BACK TO YOU, BUCK.
ALL RIGHT, GARRETT.
UH, BACK TO YOU, BUCK.
OKAY, IF ANYTHING FURTHER
UH, BACK TO YOU, BUCK.
OKAY, IF ANYTHING FURTHER
SHOULD HAPPEN, WE WILL BE RIGHT
OKAY, IF ANYTHING FURTHER
SHOULD HAPPEN, WE WILL BE RIGHT
BACK TO YOU.
SHOULD HAPPEN, WE WILL BE RIGHT
BACK TO YOU.
OKAY. YEAH.
GOOD EVENING.
I'M MICHAEL O'DONOGHUE, AND
TONIGHT'S LEAST-LOVED BEDTIME
I'M MICHAEL O'DONOGHUE, AND
TONIGHT'S LEAST-LOVED BEDTIME
TALE IS ENTITLED
TONIGHT'S LEAST-LOVED BEDTIME
TALE IS ENTITLED
"THE ENCHANTED THERMOS," AND IT
TALE IS ENTITLED
"THE ENCHANTED THERMOS," AND IT
TAKES PLACE IN THE FROZEN NORTH.
"THE ENCHANTED THERMOS," AND IT
TAKES PLACE IN THE FROZEN NORTH.
PICTURE THIS... AN ESKIMO...
TAKES PLACE IN THE FROZEN NORTH.
PICTURE THIS... AN ESKIMO...
IN FACT... IN FACT, THE LITTLEST
PICTURE THIS... AN ESKIMO...
IN FACT... IN FACT, THE LITTLEST
ESKIMO.
IN FACT... IN FACT, THE LITTLEST
ESKIMO.
HOW'S THAT, HUH?
ESKIMO.
HOW'S THAT, HUH?
THE LITTLEST ESKIMO IS LOST IN
HOW'S THAT, HUH?
THE LITTLEST ESKIMO IS LOST IN
THE TRACKLESS WASTE... COLD,
THE LITTLEST ESKIMO IS LOST IN
THE TRACKLESS WASTE... COLD,
TIRED, HALF-DEAD FROM HUNGER.
THE TRACKLESS WASTE... COLD,
TIRED, HALF-DEAD FROM HUNGER.
THEN, IN THE DISTANCE, HE SPOTS
TIRED, HALF-DEAD FROM HUNGER.
THEN, IN THE DISTANCE, HE SPOTS
A BRIGHTLY COLORED THERMOS
THEN, IN THE DISTANCE, HE SPOTS
A BRIGHTLY COLORED THERMOS
BURIED IN A SNOWDRIFT.
A BRIGHTLY COLORED THERMOS
BURIED IN A SNOWDRIFT.
HE RACES TOWARD IT, HIS TINY
BURIED IN A SNOWDRIFT.
HE RACES TOWARD IT, HIS TINY
HEART POUNDING WITH EXCITEMENT.
HE RACES TOWARD IT, HIS TINY
HEART POUNDING WITH EXCITEMENT.
OBVIOUSLY, SINCE HE IS THE
HEART POUNDING WITH EXCITEMENT.
OBVIOUSLY, SINCE HE IS THE
LITTLEST ESKIMO, HE'D HAVE A
OBVIOUSLY, SINCE HE IS THE
LITTLEST ESKIMO, HE'D HAVE A
TINY HEART, PERHAPS EVEN THE
LITTLEST ESKIMO, HE'D HAVE A
TINY HEART, PERHAPS EVEN THE
TINIEST.
TINY HEART, PERHAPS EVEN THE
TINIEST.
PICKING UP THE THERMOS, HE
TINIEST.
PICKING UP THE THERMOS, HE
UNSCREWS THE RED PLASTIC TOP
PICKING UP THE THERMOS, HE
UNSCREWS THE RED PLASTIC TOP
THAT ALSO SERVES AS A CUP, PULLS
UNSCREWS THE RED PLASTIC TOP
THAT ALSO SERVES AS A CUP, PULLS
THE RUBBER STOPPER, AND...
THAT ALSO SERVES AS A CUP, PULLS
THE RUBBER STOPPER, AND...
KAZAM... OUT POPS A GENIE IN A
THE RUBBER STOPPER, AND...
KAZAM... OUT POPS A GENIE IN A
PARKA WHO SAYS, "I CAN GIVE YOU
KAZAM... OUT POPS A GENIE IN A
PARKA WHO SAYS, "I CAN GIVE YOU
ANYTHING YOU WANT AS LONG AS
PARKA WHO SAYS, "I CAN GIVE YOU
ANYTHING YOU WANT AS LONG AS
IT'S MADE OUT OF SNOW."
ANYTHING YOU WANT AS LONG AS
IT'S MADE OUT OF SNOW."
"I'M SO HUNGRY," SAID THE
IT'S MADE OUT OF SNOW."
"I'M SO HUNGRY," SAID THE
ESKIMO.
"I'M SO HUNGRY," SAID THE
ESKIMO.
"COULD YOU PLEASE MAKE ME
ESKIMO.
"COULD YOU PLEASE MAKE ME
DINNER?"
"COULD YOU PLEASE MAKE ME
DINNER?"
"SURE THING," REPLIED THE GENIE,
DINNER?"
"SURE THING," REPLIED THE GENIE,
AND WITHIN SECONDS, HE HAD
"SURE THING," REPLIED THE GENIE,
AND WITHIN SECONDS, HE HAD
PREPARED A DELICIOUS DINNER OF
AND WITHIN SECONDS, HE HAD
PREPARED A DELICIOUS DINNER OF
SNOW CUTLETS STUFFED WITH SNOW,
PREPARED A DELICIOUS DINNER OF
SNOW CUTLETS STUFFED WITH SNOW,
SNOW CASSEROLE, SNOW PATTIES,
SNOW CUTLETS STUFFED WITH SNOW,
SNOW CASSEROLE, SNOW PATTIES,
SNOW SALAD, A SIDE OF SNOW, SNOW
SNOW CASSEROLE, SNOW PATTIES,
SNOW SALAD, A SIDE OF SNOW, SNOW
PUDDING, AND A GENEROUS GLASS OF
SNOW SALAD, A SIDE OF SNOW, SNOW
PUDDING, AND A GENEROUS GLASS OF
SLUSH.
PUDDING, AND A GENEROUS GLASS OF
SLUSH.
"OH, BOY," EXCLAIMED THE
SLUSH.
"OH, BOY," EXCLAIMED THE
LITTLEST ESKIMO, TOOK A FEW
"OH, BOY," EXCLAIMED THE
LITTLEST ESKIMO, TOOK A FEW
BITES AND FELL INTO A COMA.
LITTLEST ESKIMO, TOOK A FEW
BITES AND FELL INTO A COMA.
ABOUT 10 MINUTES LATER, HE WAS
BITES AND FELL INTO A COMA.
ABOUT 10 MINUTES LATER, HE WAS
DEAD.
ABOUT 10 MINUTES LATER, HE WAS
DEAD.
THE GENIE WENT THROUGH HIS
DEAD.
THE GENIE WENT THROUGH HIS
POCKETS AND THEN CRAWLED BACK
THE GENIE WENT THROUGH HIS
POCKETS AND THEN CRAWLED BACK
INSIDE THE THERMOS TO GET WARM.
POCKETS AND THEN CRAWLED BACK
INSIDE THE THERMOS TO GET WARM.
THE END.
INSIDE THE THERMOS TO GET WARM.
THE END.
I WOULD LIKE TO LEAVE YOU WITH
THE END.
I WOULD LIKE TO LEAVE YOU WITH
THIS THOUGHT.
I WOULD LIKE TO LEAVE YOU WITH
THIS THOUGHT.
AS YOU PROBABLY KNOW, THE
THIS THOUGHT.
AS YOU PROBABLY KNOW, THE
FINGERNAILS DO CONTINUE TO GROW
AS YOU PROBABLY KNOW, THE
FINGERNAILS DO CONTINUE TO GROW
AFTER DEATH, SO IN A SENSE...
FINGERNAILS DO CONTINUE TO GROW
AFTER DEATH, SO IN A SENSE...
IN A VERY REAL SENSE... WE ALL
AFTER DEATH, SO IN A SENSE...
IN A VERY REAL SENSE... WE ALL
TURN INTO CHINESE MANDARINS
IN A VERY REAL SENSE... WE ALL
TURN INTO CHINESE MANDARINS
BEYOND THE GRAVE.
TURN INTO CHINESE MANDARINS
BEYOND THE GRAVE.
GOOD NIGHT.
WE'RE NOW GOING TO TAKE YOU
BACK TO GARRETT MORRIS, WHO IS
STILL AT THE HOUDINI GRAVE SITE.
BACK TO GARRETT MORRIS, WHO IS
STILL AT THE HOUDINI GRAVE SITE.
GARRETT, WILL YOU COME IN
STILL AT THE HOUDINI GRAVE SITE.
GARRETT, WILL YOU COME IN
PLEASE?
GARRETT, WILL YOU COME IN
PLEASE?
COME IN, GARRETT.
PLEASE?
COME IN, GARRETT.
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
AH.
GARRETT, WHAT'S HAPPENED?
AH.
HAS SOMETHING HAPPENED?
[MUMBLING]
CAN YOU SAY ANYTHING IN
ENGLISH?
[MUMBLING]
APPARENTLY, WE'RE HAVING SOME
TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES.
APPARENTLY, WE'RE HAVING SOME
TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES.
GARRETT, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES.
GARRETT, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
UM...
GARRETT, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
UM...
ALL RIGHT, I THINK WE'LL HAVE
UM...
ALL RIGHT, I THINK WE'LL HAVE
TO RETURN TO HOUDINI'S GRAVE A
ALL RIGHT, I THINK WE'LL HAVE
TO RETURN TO HOUDINI'S GRAVE A
LITTLE LATER.
TO RETURN TO HOUDINI'S GRAVE A
LITTLE LATER.
Announcer: ONCE AGAIN,
LITTLE LATER.
Announcer: ONCE AGAIN,
THE BAND.
Announcer: ONCE AGAIN,
THE BAND.
[INTRO TO "GEORGIA ON MY MIND"
THE BAND.
[INTRO TO "GEORGIA ON MY MIND"
PLAYS]
♪ GEORGIA ♪
♪ GEORGIA ♪
♪ THE WHOLE DAY THROUGH ♪
♪ GEORGIA ♪
♪ THE WHOLE DAY THROUGH ♪
♪ THERE'S THAT OLD SWEET SONG ♪
♪ THE WHOLE DAY THROUGH ♪
♪ THERE'S THAT OLD SWEET SONG ♪
♪ THAT KEEPS YOU, GEORGIA, ON MY
♪ THERE'S THAT OLD SWEET SONG ♪
♪ THAT KEEPS YOU, GEORGIA, ON MY
MIND ♪
♪ THAT KEEPS YOU, GEORGIA, ON MY
MIND ♪
♪ OH, GEORGIA ♪
MIND ♪
♪ OH, GEORGIA ♪
♪ OH, GEORGIA ♪
♪ OH, GEORGIA ♪
♪ OH, GEORGIA ♪
♪ THE SONG OF YOU ♪
♪ OH, GEORGIA ♪
♪ THE SONG OF YOU ♪
♪ COMES AS SWEET AND CLEAR ♪
♪ THE SONG OF YOU ♪
♪ COMES AS SWEET AND CLEAR ♪
♪ JUST LIKE MOONLIGHT THROUGH
♪ COMES AS SWEET AND CLEAR ♪
♪ JUST LIKE MOONLIGHT THROUGH
THE PINES ♪
♪ JUST LIKE MOONLIGHT THROUGH
THE PINES ♪
♪ OOH, OOH, OOH ♪
THE PINES ♪
♪ OOH, OOH, OOH ♪
♪ OTHER ARMS REACH OUT FOR ME ♪
♪ OOH, OOH, OOH ♪
♪ OTHER ARMS REACH OUT FOR ME ♪
♪ OTHER EYES, THEY SMILE
♪ OTHER ARMS REACH OUT FOR ME ♪
♪ OTHER EYES, THEY SMILE
TENDERLY ♪
♪ OTHER EYES, THEY SMILE
TENDERLY ♪
♪ STILL IN PEACEFUL DREAMS I
TENDERLY ♪
♪ STILL IN PEACEFUL DREAMS I
SEE ♪
♪ STILL IN PEACEFUL DREAMS I
SEE ♪
♪ THAT THE ROAD ♪
SEE ♪
♪ THAT THE ROAD ♪
♪ THE ROAD LEADS BACK TO YOU ♪
♪ THAT THE ROAD ♪
♪ THE ROAD LEADS BACK TO YOU ♪
♪ OH, HEY, GEORGIA ♪
♪ THE ROAD LEADS BACK TO YOU ♪
♪ OH, HEY, GEORGIA ♪
♪ OOH, GEORGIA ♪
♪ OH, HEY, GEORGIA ♪
♪ OOH, GEORGIA ♪
♪ NO PEACE, NO PEACE I FIND ♪
♪ OOH, GEORGIA ♪
♪ NO PEACE, NO PEACE I FIND ♪
♪ THERE'S STILL THIS OLD SWEET
♪ NO PEACE, NO PEACE I FIND ♪
♪ THERE'S STILL THIS OLD SWEET
SONG ♪
♪ THERE'S STILL THIS OLD SWEET
SONG ♪
♪ THAT KEEPS YOU, GEORGIA, ON MY
SONG ♪
♪ THAT KEEPS YOU, GEORGIA, ON MY
MIND ♪
♪ THAT KEEPS YOU, GEORGIA, ON MY
MIND ♪
♪ THERE'S STILL THIS OLD SWEET
MIND ♪
♪ THERE'S STILL THIS OLD SWEET
SONG ♪
♪ THERE'S STILL THIS OLD SWEET
SONG ♪
♪ THAT KEEPS YOU, GEORGIA ♪
SONG ♪
♪ THAT KEEPS YOU, GEORGIA ♪
♪ ON MY MIND ♪
♪ THAT KEEPS YOU, GEORGIA ♪
♪ ON MY MIND ♪
♪ KEEPS YOU, GEORGIA, ON MY
♪ ON MY MIND ♪
♪ KEEPS YOU, GEORGIA, ON MY
MIND ♪
THANK YOU, EVERYBODY.
THANK YOU, BAND.
THANK YOU, FOLKS.
THANK YOU, BAND.
THANK YOU, FOLKS.
AND, UH, THANK YOU, GARRETT,
THANK YOU, FOLKS.
AND, UH, THANK YOU, GARRETT,
WHEREVER YOU ARE.
Announcer: NEXT SATURDAY
NIGHT, WATCH NBC's "WEEKEND"
WITH LLOYD DOBBINS.
WE'LL BE BACK WITH A BRAND-NEW
SHOW ON NOVEMBER 13th, TWO WEEKS
FROM TONIGHT.
THIS IS DON PARDO, REMINDING YOU
TO GET OUT AND VOTE AND ALSO TO
SET YOUR CLOCK BACK TONIGHT ONE
HOUR.
AFTER ALL, YOU CAN'T SET
TELEVISION BACK 90 MINUTES.
GOOD NIGHT.