Saturday Night Live (1975–…): Season 2, Episode 15 - Steve Martin/The Kinks - full transcript
The host for the episode is Steve Martin (his second appearance), and the musical guest is The Kinks. The skits for this episode are as follows: Steve gets hostility from the cast over his treatment of Gilda since the last show. For his opening monologue, Steve gets happy feet, talks about his goals, then mentions what drugs he and the cast are going to take after the show. The Coneheads receive a visit from the IRS. Jackie Onassis enters a celebrity weightlifting contest. A diet book promises weight loss by using the pages of the book itself as meals. A doctor advises parents to pull the plug on their comatose son, only to have him wake up just as they are about to do it. A celebrity bingo game can't get started because all the time is wasted making introductions. Alex Haley talks about some of his lesser known ancestors. A couple who meet in a singles bar share all the same bizarre quirks. The Kinks perform "You Really Got Me Going", "All Day And All of the Night", "Well-Respected Man", "Lola" and "Sleepwalker".
OKAY, WE'LL SEE YOU LATER.
AFTER THE SHOW, HUH?
OH, HELLO, STEVE.
AFTER THE SHOW, HUH?
OH, HELLO, STEVE.
GILDA, HOW YOU DOING?
OH, HELLO, STEVE.
GILDA, HOW YOU DOING?
I'M JUST GREAT.
GILDA, HOW YOU DOING?
I'M JUST GREAT.
YOU KNOW, STEVE, I FEEL KIND OF
I'M JUST GREAT.
YOU KNOW, STEVE, I FEEL KIND OF
BAD.
YOU KNOW, STEVE, I FEEL KIND OF
BAD.
I HAVEN'T SEEN AS MUCH OF YOU AS
BAD.
I HAVEN'T SEEN AS MUCH OF YOU AS
I DID THE LAST TIME YOU WERE ON
I HAVEN'T SEEN AS MUCH OF YOU AS
I DID THE LAST TIME YOU WERE ON
THE SHOW.
I DID THE LAST TIME YOU WERE ON
THE SHOW.
WELL, WE'VE BEEN PRETTY BUSY
THE SHOW.
WELL, WE'VE BEEN PRETTY BUSY
WITH THE SHOW.
WELL, WE'VE BEEN PRETTY BUSY
WITH THE SHOW.
YOU KNOW THAT.
WITH THE SHOW.
YOU KNOW THAT.
RIGHT.
YOU KNOW THAT.
RIGHT.
HEY, COME ON.
RIGHT.
HEY, COME ON.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
HEY, COME ON.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
I DON'T KNOW.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
I DON'T KNOW.
I THINK YOU'VE CHANGED A LITTLE
I DON'T KNOW.
I THINK YOU'VE CHANGED A LITTLE
BIT SINCE YOU WERE ON "THE
I THINK YOU'VE CHANGED A LITTLE
BIT SINCE YOU WERE ON "THE
TONIGHT SHOW."
BIT SINCE YOU WERE ON "THE
TONIGHT SHOW."
WHAT?
TONIGHT SHOW."
WHAT?
ME, CHANGE?
WHAT?
ME, CHANGE?
JUST BECAUSE I GUEST-HOSTED
ME, CHANGE?
JUST BECAUSE I GUEST-HOSTED
"THE TONIGHT SHOW"?
JUST BECAUSE I GUEST-HOSTED
"THE TONIGHT SHOW"?
GUEST-HOSTED, RIGHT.
"THE TONIGHT SHOW"?
GUEST-HOSTED, RIGHT.
WELL, I KNOW YOU'RE ON THE ROAD
GUEST-HOSTED, RIGHT.
WELL, I KNOW YOU'RE ON THE ROAD
AND EVERYTHING.
WELL, I KNOW YOU'RE ON THE ROAD
AND EVERYTHING.
WELL, YOU KNOW, SHOW BUSINESS
AND EVERYTHING.
WELL, YOU KNOW, SHOW BUSINESS
IS MY LIFE.
WELL, YOU KNOW, SHOW BUSINESS
IS MY LIFE.
WHAT ABOUT MY LIFE?
IS MY LIFE.
WHAT ABOUT MY LIFE?
WELL, UH... I GUESS YOUR LIFE
WHAT ABOUT MY LIFE?
WELL, UH... I GUESS YOUR LIFE
IS RUINED.
WELL, UH... I GUESS YOUR LIFE
IS RUINED.
I MEAN, YOU KNEW I WAS A
IS RUINED.
I MEAN, YOU KNEW I WAS A
RAMBLIN' GUY WHEN YOU GOT
I MEAN, YOU KNEW I WAS A
RAMBLIN' GUY WHEN YOU GOT
INVOLVED.
RAMBLIN' GUY WHEN YOU GOT
INVOLVED.
WELL, YOU COULD HAVE CALLED
INVOLVED.
WELL, YOU COULD HAVE CALLED
ME OR SOMETHING.
WELL, YOU COULD HAVE CALLED
ME OR SOMETHING.
WELL, I DID CALL YOU.
ME OR SOMETHING.
WELL, I DID CALL YOU.
I LEFT THE NAME OF THE LOTION ON
WELL, I DID CALL YOU.
I LEFT THE NAME OF THE LOTION ON
YOUR ANSWERING SERVICE!
I LEFT THE NAME OF THE LOTION ON
YOUR ANSWERING SERVICE!
WAS THAT YOU?!
YOUR ANSWERING SERVICE!
WAS THAT YOU?!
YEAH!
WAS THAT YOU?!
YEAH!
DID THE LOTION WORK OKAY?
YEAH!
DID THE LOTION WORK OKAY?
OH, YEAH! THANK YOU!
DID THE LOTION WORK OKAY?
OH, YEAH! THANK YOU!
OKAY, THEN.
OH, YEAH! THANK YOU!
OKAY, THEN.
NO PROBLEM, THEN.
OKAY, THEN.
NO PROBLEM, THEN.
RIGHT, RIGHT.
NO PROBLEM, THEN.
RIGHT, RIGHT.
HEY, UH, LISTEN.
RIGHT, RIGHT.
HEY, UH, LISTEN.
THIS GIRL LIKES TO CRASH EARLY.
HEY, UH, LISTEN.
THIS GIRL LIKES TO CRASH EARLY.
SO, MAYBE I COULD COME OVER TO
THIS GIRL LIKES TO CRASH EARLY.
SO, MAYBE I COULD COME OVER TO
YOUR PLACE ABOUT, UH, THREE?
SO, MAYBE I COULD COME OVER TO
YOUR PLACE ABOUT, UH, THREE?
SOMETHING LIKE THAT?
YOUR PLACE ABOUT, UH, THREE?
SOMETHING LIKE THAT?
THREE?
SOMETHING LIKE THAT?
THREE?
UH... WELL, OKAY, OKAY.
THREE?
UH... WELL, OKAY, OKAY.
OKAY, GREAT!
UH... WELL, OKAY, OKAY.
OKAY, GREAT!
HEY, CIAO, BABY!
OKAY, GREAT!
HEY, CIAO, BABY!
[CHUCKLES]
HEY, CIAO, BABY!
[CHUCKLES]
"CIAO, BABY?"
[CHUCKLES]
"CIAO, BABY?"
HEY, COMPADRES, MUCHACHOS!
"CIAO, BABY?"
HEY, COMPADRES, MUCHACHOS!
HOW'S IT GOING, BUDDIES?
HEY, COMPADRES, MUCHACHOS!
HOW'S IT GOING, BUDDIES?
WELL, LOOK WHO'S HERE...
HOW'S IT GOING, BUDDIES?
WELL, LOOK WHO'S HERE...
MR. BIG-TIME SHOW BUSINESS
WELL, LOOK WHO'S HERE...
MR. BIG-TIME SHOW BUSINESS
HIMSELF!
MR. BIG-TIME SHOW BUSINESS
HIMSELF!
YEAH, MR. HOST OF
HIMSELF!
YEAH, MR. HOST OF
"THE TONIGHT SHOW."
YEAH, MR. HOST OF
"THE TONIGHT SHOW."
GUEST HOST.
"THE TONIGHT SHOW."
GUEST HOST.
GUEST HOST ONCE... BIG DEAL.
GUEST HOST.
GUEST HOST ONCE... BIG DEAL.
STEVE, UH, I WASN'T HERE THE
GUEST HOST ONCE... BIG DEAL.
STEVE, UH, I WASN'T HERE THE
LAST TIME YOU DID THE SHOW, BUT
STEVE, UH, I WASN'T HERE THE
LAST TIME YOU DID THE SHOW, BUT
FROM WHAT I HEAR, I DON'T THINK
LAST TIME YOU DID THE SHOW, BUT
FROM WHAT I HEAR, I DON'T THINK
I LIKE YOU TOO MUCH.
FROM WHAT I HEAR, I DON'T THINK
I LIKE YOU TOO MUCH.
HEY, UH, WHAT'S TROUBLING YOU
I LIKE YOU TOO MUCH.
HEY, UH, WHAT'S TROUBLING YOU
GUYS?
HEY, UH, WHAT'S TROUBLING YOU
GUYS?
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
GUYS?
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
I MEAN, I COME OUT HERE TO DO
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
I MEAN, I COME OUT HERE TO DO
THE SHOW, AND YOU ACT LIKE I'M
I MEAN, I COME OUT HERE TO DO
THE SHOW, AND YOU ACT LIKE I'M
SOME KIND OF JACK THE RIPPER.
THE SHOW, AND YOU ACT LIKE I'M
SOME KIND OF JACK THE RIPPER.
WHAT'S THE DEAL?
SOME KIND OF JACK THE RIPPER.
WHAT'S THE DEAL?
WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME THE TRUTH
WHAT'S THE DEAL?
WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME THE TRUTH
HERE?
WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME THE TRUTH
HERE?
OKAY, I'LL TELL YOU.
HERE?
OKAY, I'LL TELL YOU.
WE ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO
OKAY, I'LL TELL YOU.
WE ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO
GILDA.
WE ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO
GILDA.
WE THINK YOU GOT OFF PRETTY
GILDA.
WE THINK YOU GOT OFF PRETTY
EASY.
WE THINK YOU GOT OFF PRETTY
EASY.
HEY, IS THAT ALL?
EASY.
HEY, IS THAT ALL?
COME ON, YOU GUYS ARE GUYS!
HEY, IS THAT ALL?
COME ON, YOU GUYS ARE GUYS!
YOU'RE A LITTLE BIT JEALOUS!
COME ON, YOU GUYS ARE GUYS!
YOU'RE A LITTLE BIT JEALOUS!
HEY, MAN, THAT HAS NOTHING TO
YOU'RE A LITTLE BIT JEALOUS!
HEY, MAN, THAT HAS NOTHING TO
DO WITH IT, MAN!
HEY, MAN, THAT HAS NOTHING TO
DO WITH IT, MAN!
YOU'VE RUINED THE REPUTATION OF
DO WITH IT, MAN!
YOU'VE RUINED THE REPUTATION OF
A NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME
YOU'VE RUINED THE REPUTATION OF
A NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME
PLAYER, BABY.
A NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME
PLAYER, BABY.
WELL, EXCU-U-U-U-U-SE ME!
PLAYER, BABY.
WELL, EXCU-U-U-U-U-SE ME!
I'M GONNA RIP HIS FACE OFF!!
WELL, EXCU-U-U-U-U-SE ME!
I'M GONNA RIP HIS FACE OFF!!
I SWEAR TO GOD!!
I'M GONNA RIP HIS FACE OFF!!
I SWEAR TO GOD!!
HE'S GOT A SHOW TO DO, MAN!
I SWEAR TO GOD!!
HE'S GOT A SHOW TO DO, MAN!
YOU GET HIM BLOODY, WE'LL RUIN
HE'S GOT A SHOW TO DO, MAN!
YOU GET HIM BLOODY, WE'LL RUIN
HIS PRETTY COAT, OKAY?
YOU GET HIM BLOODY, WE'LL RUIN
HIS PRETTY COAT, OKAY?
HEY, LET ME TELL YOU GUYS
HIS PRETTY COAT, OKAY?
HEY, LET ME TELL YOU GUYS
SOMETHING.
HEY, LET ME TELL YOU GUYS
SOMETHING.
I COME DOWN HERE, I'M GOING ON
SOMETHING.
I COME DOWN HERE, I'M GOING ON
THE AIR AND EVERYTHING, AND YOU
I COME DOWN HERE, I'M GOING ON
THE AIR AND EVERYTHING, AND YOU
COME OUT HERE AND TRY TO MAKE IT
THE AIR AND EVERYTHING, AND YOU
COME OUT HERE AND TRY TO MAKE IT
LIKE I'M SOME KIND OF BAD GUY OR
COME OUT HERE AND TRY TO MAKE IT
LIKE I'M SOME KIND OF BAD GUY OR
SOMETHING.
LIKE I'M SOME KIND OF BAD GUY OR
SOMETHING.
I JUST HAD A LONG, LONG,
SOMETHING.
I JUST HAD A LONG, LONG,
PERSONAL TALK WITH GILDA, KIND
I JUST HAD A LONG, LONG,
PERSONAL TALK WITH GILDA, KIND
OF SMOOTH THINGS OVER, OKAY?
PERSONAL TALK WITH GILDA, KIND
OF SMOOTH THINGS OVER, OKAY?
SO, LOOK.
OF SMOOTH THINGS OVER, OKAY?
SO, LOOK.
I DON'T NEED YOU, AND YOU DON'T
SO, LOOK.
I DON'T NEED YOU, AND YOU DON'T
NEED ME!
I DON'T NEED YOU, AND YOU DON'T
NEED ME!
I'M GONNA TAKE A HIKE!
NEED ME!
I'M GONNA TAKE A HIKE!
HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?
I'M GONNA TAKE A HIKE!
HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?
I'M A RAMBLIN' GUY.
HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?
I'M A RAMBLIN' GUY.
I THINK I'LL RAMBLE!
I'M A RAMBLIN' GUY.
I THINK I'LL RAMBLE!
HEY, GOOD LUCK WITH THE OPENING,
I THINK I'LL RAMBLE!
HEY, GOOD LUCK WITH THE OPENING,
BELUSHI!
HEY, GOOD LUCK WITH THE OPENING,
BELUSHI!
BE SEEING YOU!
BELUSHI!
BE SEEING YOU!
YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE
BE SEEING YOU!
YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE
UNTIL YOU DO THAT OPENING.
YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE
UNTIL YOU DO THAT OPENING.
HEY, NOBODY TELLS ME WHAT TO
UNTIL YOU DO THAT OPENING.
HEY, NOBODY TELLS ME WHAT TO
DO!
HEY, NOBODY TELLS ME WHAT TO
DO!
YEAH?!
DO!
YEAH?!
NOW SAY IT, PAL!
YEAH?!
NOW SAY IT, PAL!
I'M NOT GONNA SAY IT!
NOW SAY IT, PAL!
I'M NOT GONNA SAY IT!
SAY IT!
I'M NOT GONNA SAY IT!
SAY IT!
LIVE, FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
SAY IT!
LIVE, FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
LIVE, FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
[BAND PLAYS]
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
[BAND PLAYS]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Announcer: LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, STEVE MARTIN.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HEY, WE'RE HAVING SOME FUN
NOW, EH, KIDS?
[LAUGHTER]
NOW, EH, KIDS?
[LAUGHTER]
EXCUSE ME.
[LAUGHTER]
EXCUSE ME.
SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN TO GET
EXCUSE ME.
SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN TO GET
SOME ON YOU THERE.
SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN TO GET
SOME ON YOU THERE.
WE'RE HAVING SOME FUN... HEY!
SOME ON YOU THERE.
WE'RE HAVING SOME FUN... HEY!
EXCUSE ME.
WE'RE HAVING SOME FUN... HEY!
EXCUSE ME.
ALL RIGHT!
EXCUSE ME.
ALL RIGHT!
HEY, YOU GET TO SEE A SHOW.
ALL RIGHT!
HEY, YOU GET TO SEE A SHOW.
ALL I HAVE ARE MEMORIES.
HEY, YOU GET TO SEE A SHOW.
ALL I HAVE ARE MEMORIES.
I PAID 900 BUCKS FOR THIS.
ALL I HAVE ARE MEMORIES.
I PAID 900 BUCKS FOR THIS.
THAT TOO MUCH?
I PAID 900 BUCKS FOR THIS.
THAT TOO MUCH?
I DON'T KNOW.
THAT TOO MUCH?
I DON'T KNOW.
OKAY.
I DON'T KNOW.
OKAY.
WE'RE MOVING!
OKAY.
WE'RE MOVING!
I TELL YOU WHAT.
WE'RE MOVING!
I TELL YOU WHAT.
LET'S RIP THE PLACE APART!
I TELL YOU WHAT.
LET'S RIP THE PLACE APART!
SORRY, FOLKS.
LET'S RIP THE PLACE APART!
SORRY, FOLKS.
OKAY, WE'LL BE STARTING IN JUST
SORRY, FOLKS.
OKAY, WE'LL BE STARTING IN JUST
A FEW MOMENTS.
OKAY, WE'LL BE STARTING IN JUST
A FEW MOMENTS.
JUST WAITING FOR THE DRUGS TO
A FEW MOMENTS.
JUST WAITING FOR THE DRUGS TO
TAKE EFFECT.
JUST WAITING FOR THE DRUGS TO
TAKE EFFECT.
AND THEN...
TAKE EFFECT.
AND THEN...
AH!
AND THEN...
AH!
OKAY, THERE WE GO!
AH!
OKAY, THERE WE GO!
UH-OH!
OKAY, THERE WE GO!
UH-OH!
I'M GETTING HAPPY FEET!
UH-OH!
I'M GETTING HAPPY FEET!
[LAUGHTER]
I'M GETTING HAPPY FEET!
[LAUGHTER]
EXCUSE ME.
[LAUGHTER]
EXCUSE ME.
EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE THAT
EXCUSE ME.
EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE THAT
HAPPENS.
EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE THAT
HAPPENS.
I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER IT WHEN
HAPPENS.
I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER IT WHEN
IT...
I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER IT WHEN
IT...
SORRY.
IT...
SORRY.
OKAY, WE'RE MOVING ALONG NOW.
SORRY.
OKAY, WE'RE MOVING ALONG NOW.
YOU KNOW... OOH!
OKAY, WE'RE MOVING ALONG NOW.
YOU KNOW... OOH!
[LAUGHTER]
YOU KNOW... OOH!
[LAUGHTER]
I DON'T LIKE TO GET SERIOUS WITH
[LAUGHTER]
I DON'T LIKE TO GET SERIOUS WITH
THE OPENING OF THE SHOW.
I DON'T LIKE TO GET SERIOUS WITH
THE OPENING OF THE SHOW.
YOU PROBABLY HEARD I WAS INTO
THE OPENING OF THE SHOW.
YOU PROBABLY HEARD I WAS INTO
THE COMEDY THING, BUT I'M KIND
YOU PROBABLY HEARD I WAS INTO
THE COMEDY THING, BUT I'M KIND
OF GETTING OUT OF THAT NOW AND
THE COMEDY THING, BUT I'M KIND
OF GETTING OUT OF THAT NOW AND
GETTING MORE INTO MUSIC.
OF GETTING OUT OF THAT NOW AND
GETTING MORE INTO MUSIC.
I'D LIKE TO OPEN THE SHOW WITH
GETTING MORE INTO MUSIC.
I'D LIKE TO OPEN THE SHOW WITH
ONE OF MY FAVORITE KINDS OF
I'D LIKE TO OPEN THE SHOW WITH
ONE OF MY FAVORITE KINDS OF
TUNES.
ONE OF MY FAVORITE KINDS OF
TUNES.
THIS IS A TRADITIONAL
TUNES.
THIS IS A TRADITIONAL
AMERICAN INDIAN FOLK SONG.
THIS IS A TRADITIONAL
AMERICAN INDIAN FOLK SONG.
NOW I REALIZE WE'RE ON TV.
AMERICAN INDIAN FOLK SONG.
NOW I REALIZE WE'RE ON TV.
I CAN'T JUST COME OUT HERE AND
NOW I REALIZE WE'RE ON TV.
I CAN'T JUST COME OUT HERE AND
SING ONE OF THE GREAT TUNES...
I CAN'T JUST COME OUT HERE AND
SING ONE OF THE GREAT TUNES...
ONE OF MY FAVORITES... AND HAVE
SING ONE OF THE GREAT TUNES...
ONE OF MY FAVORITES... AND HAVE
PEOPLE GET INTO IT THE SAME WAY
ONE OF MY FAVORITES... AND HAVE
PEOPLE GET INTO IT THE SAME WAY
I HAVE.
PEOPLE GET INTO IT THE SAME WAY
I HAVE.
SO WHAT I'VE DONE, I'VE JAZZED
I HAVE.
SO WHAT I'VE DONE, I'VE JAZZED
IT UP A LITTLE BIT FOR TV.
SO WHAT I'VE DONE, I'VE JAZZED
IT UP A LITTLE BIT FOR TV.
BASICALLY, I KEPT IT VERY
IT UP A LITTLE BIT FOR TV.
BASICALLY, I KEPT IT VERY
TRADITIONAL, BUT I THINK YOU'RE
BASICALLY, I KEPT IT VERY
TRADITIONAL, BUT I THINK YOU'RE
GONNA DIG THIS.
TRADITIONAL, BUT I THINK YOU'RE
GONNA DIG THIS.
SO HERE WE GO.
GONNA DIG THIS.
SO HERE WE GO.
[CHANTING]
♪ WHOA WHOA WHOA ♪
[CHANTING]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[CHANTING]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ LITTLE GIRL ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ LITTLE GIRL ♪
OKAY, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
♪ LITTLE GIRL ♪
OKAY, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
THANK YOU.
OKAY, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
THANK YOU.
[APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
[APPLAUSE]
EXCUSE ME!
[APPLAUSE]
EXCUSE ME!
I FEEL GOOD TONIGHT, BECAUSE
EXCUSE ME!
I FEEL GOOD TONIGHT, BECAUSE
WELL, I'VE FINALLY GOT A GOAL IN
I FEEL GOOD TONIGHT, BECAUSE
WELL, I'VE FINALLY GOT A GOAL IN
LIFE, AND THAT'S WHAT PLEASES
WELL, I'VE FINALLY GOT A GOAL IN
LIFE, AND THAT'S WHAT PLEASES
ME, TO BE ABLE TO HAVE A GOAL,
LIFE, AND THAT'S WHAT PLEASES
ME, TO BE ABLE TO HAVE A GOAL,
AND THIS IS WHY I'M SO HAPPY,
ME, TO BE ABLE TO HAVE A GOAL,
AND THIS IS WHY I'M SO HAPPY,
BECAUSE, SEE, IT'S IMPORTANT...
AND THIS IS WHY I'M SO HAPPY,
BECAUSE, SEE, IT'S IMPORTANT...
THE THING YOU HAVE TO LEARN, IN
BECAUSE, SEE, IT'S IMPORTANT...
THE THING YOU HAVE TO LEARN, IN
HAVING A GOAL, IS NOT TO SET AN
THE THING YOU HAVE TO LEARN, IN
HAVING A GOAL, IS NOT TO SET AN
IMPOSSIBLE GOAL, SOMETHING TOO
HAVING A GOAL, IS NOT TO SET AN
IMPOSSIBLE GOAL, SOMETHING TOO
HIGH YOU CAN NEVER REACH.
IMPOSSIBLE GOAL, SOMETHING TOO
HIGH YOU CAN NEVER REACH.
YOU GOT TO HAVE A SERIES OF
HIGH YOU CAN NEVER REACH.
YOU GOT TO HAVE A SERIES OF
SMALLER GOALS THAT YOU CAN
YOU GOT TO HAVE A SERIES OF
SMALLER GOALS THAT YOU CAN
ACCOMPLISH AND SLOWLY WORK YOUR
SMALLER GOALS THAT YOU CAN
ACCOMPLISH AND SLOWLY WORK YOUR
WAY UP.
ACCOMPLISH AND SLOWLY WORK YOUR
WAY UP.
AND THIS IS WHAT I HAVE DONE.
WAY UP.
AND THIS IS WHAT I HAVE DONE.
THAT'S WHY I'M SO HAPPY.
AND THIS IS WHAT I HAVE DONE.
THAT'S WHY I'M SO HAPPY.
MY GOAL... RIGHT NOW, I WANT TO
THAT'S WHY I'M SO HAPPY.
MY GOAL... RIGHT NOW, I WANT TO
BE THE ALL-BEING MASTER OF TIME,
MY GOAL... RIGHT NOW, I WANT TO
BE THE ALL-BEING MASTER OF TIME,
SPACE, AND DIMENSION.
BE THE ALL-BEING MASTER OF TIME,
SPACE, AND DIMENSION.
[LAUGHTER]
SPACE, AND DIMENSION.
[LAUGHTER]
THEN, I WANT TO GO TO EUROPE, I
[LAUGHTER]
THEN, I WANT TO GO TO EUROPE, I
THINK.
THEN, I WANT TO GO TO EUROPE, I
THINK.
I MENTIONED EARLIER IN THE SHOW
THINK.
I MENTIONED EARLIER IN THE SHOW
THE DRUG JOKE, AND I HATE TO DO
I MENTIONED EARLIER IN THE SHOW
THE DRUG JOKE, AND I HATE TO DO
THAT, 'CAUSE IT CREATES A MESS,
THE DRUG JOKE, AND I HATE TO DO
THAT, 'CAUSE IT CREATES A MESS,
AND I'M NOT INTO DRUGS ANYMORE.
THAT, 'CAUSE IT CREATES A MESS,
AND I'M NOT INTO DRUGS ANYMORE.
I QUIT COMPLETELY, AND I HATE
AND I'M NOT INTO DRUGS ANYMORE.
I QUIT COMPLETELY, AND I HATE
PEOPLE WHO ARE STILL INTO IT.
I QUIT COMPLETELY, AND I HATE
PEOPLE WHO ARE STILL INTO IT.
BUT I DO TAKE ONE DRUG NOW, FOR
PEOPLE WHO ARE STILL INTO IT.
BUT I DO TAKE ONE DRUG NOW, FOR
FUN, AND MAYBE YOU'VE HEARD OF
BUT I DO TAKE ONE DRUG NOW, FOR
FUN, AND MAYBE YOU'VE HEARD OF
IT.
FUN, AND MAYBE YOU'VE HEARD OF
IT.
IT'S A NEW THING.
IT.
IT'S A NEW THING.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVE OR NOT.
IT'S A NEW THING.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVE OR NOT.
IT'S A NEW THING.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVE OR NOT.
IT'S A NEW THING.
IT MAKES YOU SMALL... ABOUT THIS
IT'S A NEW THING.
IT MAKES YOU SMALL... ABOUT THIS
BIG.
IT MAKES YOU SMALL... ABOUT THIS
BIG.
AND, YOU KNOW, I'LL BE HOME,
BIG.
AND, YOU KNOW, I'LL BE HOME,
SITTING WITH MY FRIENDS, AND
AND, YOU KNOW, I'LL BE HOME,
SITTING WITH MY FRIENDS, AND
WE'LL BE SITTING AROUND, AND
SITTING WITH MY FRIENDS, AND
WE'LL BE SITTING AROUND, AND
SOMEBODY WILL SAY, "HEY...
WE'LL BE SITTING AROUND, AND
SOMEBODY WILL SAY, "HEY...
LET'S GET SMALL."
SOMEBODY WILL SAY, "HEY...
LET'S GET SMALL."
[LAUGHTER]
LET'S GET SMALL."
[LAUGHTER]
SO, YOU KNOW, WE GET SMALL, AND
[LAUGHTER]
SO, YOU KNOW, WE GET SMALL, AND
THE ONLY BAD THING IS IF SOME
SO, YOU KNOW, WE GET SMALL, AND
THE ONLY BAD THING IS IF SOME
TALL PEOPLE COME OVER.
THE ONLY BAD THING IS IF SOME
TALL PEOPLE COME OVER.
YOU'RE WALKING AROUND GOING,
TALL PEOPLE COME OVER.
YOU'RE WALKING AROUND GOING,
"HUH-HUH-HUH."
YOU'RE WALKING AROUND GOING,
"HUH-HUH-HUH."
NOW I KNOW I SHOULDN'T GET SMALL
"HUH-HUH-HUH."
NOW I KNOW I SHOULDN'T GET SMALL
WHEN I'M DRIVING.
NOW I KNOW I SHOULDN'T GET SMALL
WHEN I'M DRIVING.
[LAUGHTER]
WHEN I'M DRIVING.
[LAUGHTER]
BUT I WAS DRIVING AROUND THE
[LAUGHTER]
BUT I WAS DRIVING AROUND THE
OTHER DAY, AND I SAID, "WHAT THE
BUT I WAS DRIVING AROUND THE
OTHER DAY, AND I SAID, "WHAT THE
HECK?"
OTHER DAY, AND I SAID, "WHAT THE
HECK?"
YOU KNOW?
HECK?"
YOU KNOW?
SO I'M DRIVING, GOING...
YOU KNOW?
SO I'M DRIVING, GOING...
[LAUGHTER]
SO I'M DRIVING, GOING...
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AND A COP PULLS ME OVER.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AND A COP PULLS ME OVER.
AND HE MAKES ME GET OUT.
AND A COP PULLS ME OVER.
AND HE MAKES ME GET OUT.
HE LOOKS AT ME, AND HE SAYS,
AND HE MAKES ME GET OUT.
HE LOOKS AT ME, AND HE SAYS,
"HEY, ARE YOU SMALL?"
HE LOOKS AT ME, AND HE SAYS,
"HEY, ARE YOU SMALL?"
I SAID, "NO! I'M NOT!"
"HEY, ARE YOU SMALL?"
I SAID, "NO! I'M NOT!"
HE SAID, "WELL, I'M GONNA HAVE
I SAID, "NO! I'M NOT!"
HE SAID, "WELL, I'M GONNA HAVE
TO MEASURE YOU."
HE SAID, "WELL, I'M GONNA HAVE
TO MEASURE YOU."
[LAUGHTER]
TO MEASURE YOU."
[LAUGHTER]
AND THEY HAVE THIS LITTLE TEST
[LAUGHTER]
AND THEY HAVE THIS LITTLE TEST
THEY GIVE YOU.
AND THEY HAVE THIS LITTLE TEST
THEY GIVE YOU.
THEY GIVE YOU A BALLOON.
THEY GIVE YOU.
THEY GIVE YOU A BALLOON.
AND IF YOU CAN GET INSIDE OF IT,
THEY GIVE YOU A BALLOON.
AND IF YOU CAN GET INSIDE OF IT,
THEY KNOW YOU'RE SMALL.
AND IF YOU CAN GET INSIDE OF IT,
THEY KNOW YOU'RE SMALL.
NOW I'VE ALREADY TALKED IT OVER
THEY KNOW YOU'RE SMALL.
NOW I'VE ALREADY TALKED IT OVER
WITH THE CAST.
NOW I'VE ALREADY TALKED IT OVER
WITH THE CAST.
THEY'VE BEEN WORKING ALL WEEK.
WITH THE CAST.
THEY'VE BEEN WORKING ALL WEEK.
IT'S A TOUGH THING TO DO, COME
THEY'VE BEEN WORKING ALL WEEK.
IT'S A TOUGH THING TO DO, COME
OUT HERE LIVE.
IT'S A TOUGH THING TO DO, COME
OUT HERE LIVE.
IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE SHOW,
OUT HERE LIVE.
IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE SHOW,
WE'RE ALL GONNA GO OUT AND GET
IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE SHOW,
WE'RE ALL GONNA GO OUT AND GET
REALLY SMALL!
WE'RE ALL GONNA GO OUT AND GET
REALLY SMALL!
OKAY, WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW
REALLY SMALL!
OKAY, WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW
TONIGHT.
OKAY, WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW
TONIGHT.
LILY TOMLIN, SPECIAL GUEST.
TONIGHT.
LILY TOMLIN, SPECIAL GUEST.
THE KINKS.
LILY TOMLIN, SPECIAL GUEST.
THE KINKS.
AND THE NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME
THE KINKS.
AND THE NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME
PLAYERS... JOHN BELUSHI,
AND THE NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME
PLAYERS... JOHN BELUSHI,
DAN AYKROYD, GARRETT...
PLAYERS... JOHN BELUSHI,
DAN AYKROYD, GARRETT...
SO, WE'LL BE BACK IN JUST A
DAN AYKROYD, GARRETT...
SO, WE'LL BE BACK IN JUST A
MOMENT.
SO, WE'LL BE BACK IN JUST A
MOMENT.
THANKS A LOT!
MOMENT.
THANKS A LOT!
GOOD NIGHT!
THANKS A LOT!
GOOD NIGHT!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
GOOD MORNING, DEAR.
HOW WAS YOUR SLEEP PHASE?
SUFFICIENT!
HOW WAS YOUR SLEEP PHASE?
SUFFICIENT!
AND YOURS?
SUFFICIENT!
AND YOURS?
I DREAMT OF THE GELATIN POOLS
AND YOURS?
I DREAMT OF THE GELATIN POOLS
ON OUR HOME PLANET, REMULAK.
I DREAMT OF THE GELATIN POOLS
ON OUR HOME PLANET, REMULAK.
[BLARING]
ON OUR HOME PLANET, REMULAK.
[BLARING]
MMM... YOU HAVE STIMULATED ME!
[BLARING]
MMM... YOU HAVE STIMULATED ME!
LET US RETURN TO THE SLEEP
MMM... YOU HAVE STIMULATED ME!
LET US RETURN TO THE SLEEP
CHAMBER IMMEDIATELY!
LET US RETURN TO THE SLEEP
CHAMBER IMMEDIATELY!
GOOD MORNING, PARENTAL UNITS.
CHAMBER IMMEDIATELY!
GOOD MORNING, PARENTAL UNITS.
I MUST INFORM YOU NOW THAT I
GOOD MORNING, PARENTAL UNITS.
I MUST INFORM YOU NOW THAT I
WILL NOT BE HOME FROM SCHOOL
I MUST INFORM YOU NOW THAT I
WILL NOT BE HOME FROM SCHOOL
TONIGHT.
WILL NOT BE HOME FROM SCHOOL
TONIGHT.
YOUR CONE! UNACCEPTABLE!
TONIGHT.
YOUR CONE! UNACCEPTABLE!
UNDESIRABLE! UNACCEPTABLE!
YOUR CONE! UNACCEPTABLE!
UNDESIRABLE! UNACCEPTABLE!
OH, COME ON, DAD!
UNDESIRABLE! UNACCEPTABLE!
OH, COME ON, DAD!
I HAVE ALTERED MY CONE FOR
OH, COME ON, DAD!
I HAVE ALTERED MY CONE FOR
TONIGHT.
I HAVE ALTERED MY CONE FOR
TONIGHT.
I'M ATTENDING A CONCERT OF A
TONIGHT.
I'M ATTENDING A CONCERT OF A
POPULAR MUSIC GROUP, CALLED
I'M ATTENDING A CONCERT OF A
POPULAR MUSIC GROUP, CALLED
PETER FRAMPTON.
POPULAR MUSIC GROUP, CALLED
PETER FRAMPTON.
FOR SOME REASON, I AM THE ONLY
PETER FRAMPTON.
FOR SOME REASON, I AM THE ONLY
GIRL WHO CAN GET BACKSTAGE.
FOR SOME REASON, I AM THE ONLY
GIRL WHO CAN GET BACKSTAGE.
I CANNOT COMPREHEND THOSE
GIRL WHO CAN GET BACKSTAGE.
I CANNOT COMPREHEND THOSE
IRREGULAR SOUND PATTERNS THAT
I CANNOT COMPREHEND THOSE
IRREGULAR SOUND PATTERNS THAT
YOU ENJOY.
IRREGULAR SOUND PATTERNS THAT
YOU ENJOY.
NOW, THE VIBRA ORBS OF
YOU ENJOY.
NOW, THE VIBRA ORBS OF
REMULAK... THAT WAS MUSIC.
NOW, THE VIBRA ORBS OF
REMULAK... THAT WAS MUSIC.
YES.
REMULAK... THAT WAS MUSIC.
YES.
OH, DADDY, I HATE SCHOOL SO
YES.
OH, DADDY, I HATE SCHOOL SO
MUCH.
OH, DADDY, I HATE SCHOOL SO
MUCH.
I HAVE ABSORBED ALL THE
MUCH.
I HAVE ABSORBED ALL THE
KNOWLEDGE THERE IS TO KNOW.
I HAVE ABSORBED ALL THE
KNOWLEDGE THERE IS TO KNOW.
WHEN WILL THE STAR CRUISERS COME
KNOWLEDGE THERE IS TO KNOW.
WHEN WILL THE STAR CRUISERS COME
TO TAKE US OFF THIS PLANET?
WHEN WILL THE STAR CRUISERS COME
TO TAKE US OFF THIS PLANET?
HEAR ME, YOUNG ONE.
HEAR ME, YOUNG ONE.
YOU ARE PRIVILEGED.
YOU ARE PRIVILEGED.
WHEN I WAS A SMALL CONE, MY
WHEN I WAS A SMALL CONE, MY
FAMILY LIVED IN AN ISOLATED
FAMILY LIVED IN AN ISOLATED
QUADRANT.
QUADRANT.
I HAD TO WALK TEN DEXTRONS,
I HAD TO WALK TEN DEXTRONS,
KNEE-DEEP IN FARLITE CRYSTALS
KNEE-DEEP IN FARLITE CRYSTALS
EACH DAY, TO A LITTLE, RED
EACH DAY, TO A LITTLE, RED
ONE-ROOM DATA CENTER!
ONE-ROOM DATA CENTER!
I'LL NEVER FORGET MY FIRST
I'LL NEVER FORGET MY FIRST
PROGRAMMER, MISS MORLAX.
PROGRAMMER, MISS MORLAX.
I WONDER IF HER LIFE FUNCTIONS
I WONDER IF HER LIFE FUNCTIONS
ARE STILL ACTIVE.
ARE STILL ACTIVE.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
I HAVE TO SPLIT.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
I HAVE TO SPLIT.
I WILL RESPOND TO THE DOOR
I HAVE TO SPLIT.
I WILL RESPOND TO THE DOOR
SIGNAL.
I WILL RESPOND TO THE DOOR
SIGNAL.
ALLOW THE HUMAN TO ENTER.
SIGNAL.
ALLOW THE HUMAN TO ENTER.
RETURN AT THE PREDETERMINED
ALLOW THE HUMAN TO ENTER.
RETURN AT THE PREDETERMINED
TIME COORDINATES.
RETURN AT THE PREDETERMINED
TIME COORDINATES.
I WILL TRY.
TIME COORDINATES.
I WILL TRY.
GREETINGS. ENTER.
I WILL TRY.
GREETINGS. ENTER.
MY NAME IS CONNIE.
GREETINGS. ENTER.
MY NAME IS CONNIE.
I THINK YOU'RE CUTE.
MY NAME IS CONNIE.
I THINK YOU'RE CUTE.
UH, IS THIS THE, UH...
I THINK YOU'RE CUTE.
UH, IS THIS THE, UH...
CON-ED RESIDENCE?
UH, IS THIS THE, UH...
CON-ED RESIDENCE?
CONEHEAD!
CON-ED RESIDENCE?
CONEHEAD!
THE NAME IS CONEHEAD!
CONEHEAD!
THE NAME IS CONEHEAD!
PLEASE IDENTIFY YOURSELF.
THE NAME IS CONEHEAD!
PLEASE IDENTIFY YOURSELF.
I'M ELI TURNBULL OF THE
PLEASE IDENTIFY YOURSELF.
I'M ELI TURNBULL OF THE
INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE.
I'M ELI TURNBULL OF THE
INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE.
I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS I HAVE TO
INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE.
I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS I HAVE TO
ASK YOU HERE.
I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS I HAVE TO
ASK YOU HERE.
VERY WELL. SIT!
ASK YOU HERE.
VERY WELL. SIT!
YOU SEE, MR. CONEHEAD,
VERY WELL. SIT!
YOU SEE, MR. CONEHEAD,
ACCORDING TO OUR RECORDS, YOU'VE
YOU SEE, MR. CONEHEAD,
ACCORDING TO OUR RECORDS, YOU'VE
ONLY, UM...
ACCORDING TO OUR RECORDS, YOU'VE
ONLY, UM...
YOU'VE ONLY BEEN FILING SINCE
ONLY, UM...
YOU'VE ONLY BEEN FILING SINCE
1968.
YOU'VE ONLY BEEN FILING SINCE
1968.
AHH!
1968.
AHH!
THE MORNING MEAL!
AHH!
THE MORNING MEAL!
SHREDDED SWINE FLESH...
THE MORNING MEAL!
SHREDDED SWINE FLESH...
AND FRIED CHICKEN EMBRYOS.
SHREDDED SWINE FLESH...
AND FRIED CHICKEN EMBRYOS.
BEER.
AND FRIED CHICKEN EMBRYOS.
BEER.
DRY CITRUS.
BEER.
DRY CITRUS.
BACON AND EGGS.
DRY CITRUS.
BACON AND EGGS.
MMM...
I... I GUESS YOU FOLKS ARE
REALLY INTO BREAKFAST!
VISITOR, WE ADVISE YOU TO
REALLY INTO BREAKFAST!
VISITOR, WE ADVISE YOU TO
CONSUME MASS QUANTITIES OF FOOD.
VISITOR, WE ADVISE YOU TO
CONSUME MASS QUANTITIES OF FOOD.
HEY, HEY, THAT'S OKAY.
CONSUME MASS QUANTITIES OF FOOD.
HEY, HEY, THAT'S OKAY.
MR. AND MRS. CONEHEAD, I'M JUST
HEY, HEY, THAT'S OKAY.
MR. AND MRS. CONEHEAD, I'M JUST
TRYING TO SORT OUT YOUR TAX
MR. AND MRS. CONEHEAD, I'M JUST
TRYING TO SORT OUT YOUR TAX
SITUATION BEFORE '68.
TRYING TO SORT OUT YOUR TAX
SITUATION BEFORE '68.
NOW, FOR THE LAST NINE YEARS,
SITUATION BEFORE '68.
NOW, FOR THE LAST NINE YEARS,
YOU'VE ONLY BEEN FILING UNDER
NOW, FOR THE LAST NINE YEARS,
YOU'VE ONLY BEEN FILING UNDER
THE NAME "MR. AND
YOU'VE ONLY BEEN FILING UNDER
THE NAME "MR. AND
MRS. CONEHEAD."
THE NAME "MR. AND
MRS. CONEHEAD."
DO YOU HAVE A FIRST NAME?
MRS. CONEHEAD."
DO YOU HAVE A FIRST NAME?
I AM BELDAR!
DO YOU HAVE A FIRST NAME?
I AM BELDAR!
I AM PRYMAAT!
I AM BELDAR!
I AM PRYMAAT!
OKAY.
I AM PRYMAAT!
OKAY.
"BELDAR CONEHEAD."
OKAY.
"BELDAR CONEHEAD."
THAT'S GREAT.
"BELDAR CONEHEAD."
THAT'S GREAT.
NOW IT SAYS HERE YOU'RE
THAT'S GREAT.
NOW IT SAYS HERE YOU'RE
CURRENTLY EMPLOYED AS A
NOW IT SAYS HERE YOU'RE
CURRENTLY EMPLOYED AS A
DRIVING-SCHOOL INSTRUCTOR?
CURRENTLY EMPLOYED AS A
DRIVING-SCHOOL INSTRUCTOR?
CORRECT.
DRIVING-SCHOOL INSTRUCTOR?
CORRECT.
HEY, ISN'T THIS THE DRINK THE
CORRECT.
HEY, ISN'T THIS THE DRINK THE
ASTRONAUTS TOOK TO THE MOON?
HEY, ISN'T THIS THE DRINK THE
ASTRONAUTS TOOK TO THE MOON?
Both: ASTRONAUTS TO THE
ASTRONAUTS TOOK TO THE MOON?
Both: ASTRONAUTS TO THE
MOON?!
Both: ASTRONAUTS TO THE
MOON?!
HA HA HA HA HA!!
MOON?!
HA HA HA HA HA!!
YEAH.
HA HA HA HA HA!!
YEAH.
OKAY, NOW, FROM '68 TO '70, YOU
YEAH.
OKAY, NOW, FROM '68 TO '70, YOU
WERE LIVING AT THE
OKAY, NOW, FROM '68 TO '70, YOU
WERE LIVING AT THE
BURDETTE FALLS SEASON TRAILER
WERE LIVING AT THE
BURDETTE FALLS SEASON TRAILER
PARK IN MOLINE, OHIO?
BURDETTE FALLS SEASON TRAILER
PARK IN MOLINE, OHIO?
IOWA. CORRECT.
PARK IN MOLINE, OHIO?
IOWA. CORRECT.
OKAY, NOW ABOUT THESE
IOWA. CORRECT.
OKAY, NOW ABOUT THESE
DEDUCTIONS FOR LAST YEAR.
OKAY, NOW ABOUT THESE
DEDUCTIONS FOR LAST YEAR.
YOU CLAIMED $2,000 FOR STOCKING
DEDUCTIONS FOR LAST YEAR.
YOU CLAIMED $2,000 FOR STOCKING
CAPS, $7,000 FOR BEER, AND
YOU CLAIMED $2,000 FOR STOCKING
CAPS, $7,000 FOR BEER, AND
$2,000 FOR TITANIUM.
CAPS, $7,000 FOR BEER, AND
$2,000 FOR TITANIUM.
WHAT IS TITANIUM, ANYWAY?
$2,000 FOR TITANIUM.
WHAT IS TITANIUM, ANYWAY?
THE MOST DURABLE METAL KNOWN
WHAT IS TITANIUM, ANYWAY?
THE MOST DURABLE METAL KNOWN
TO MANKIND.
THE MOST DURABLE METAL KNOWN
TO MANKIND.
WE NEED IT TO SURVIVE.
TO MANKIND.
WE NEED IT TO SURVIVE.
OKAY, FINE.
WE NEED IT TO SURVIVE.
OKAY, FINE.
NOW MY MAIN QUESTION IS... WHERE
OKAY, FINE.
NOW MY MAIN QUESTION IS... WHERE
WERE YOU BEFORE 1968?
NOW MY MAIN QUESTION IS... WHERE
WERE YOU BEFORE 1968?
WE HAD NOT YET LANDED ON
WERE YOU BEFORE 1968?
WE HAD NOT YET LANDED ON
THIS... IN THIS COUNTRY.
WE HAD NOT YET LANDED ON
THIS... IN THIS COUNTRY.
OH, I SEE.
THIS... IN THIS COUNTRY.
OH, I SEE.
THEN, YOU'RE NOT FROM THIS
OH, I SEE.
THEN, YOU'RE NOT FROM THIS
COUNTRY.
THEN, YOU'RE NOT FROM THIS
COUNTRY.
YOU'RE ILLEGAL ALIENS.
COUNTRY.
YOU'RE ILLEGAL ALIENS.
YES! WE COME FROM FRANCE!
YOU'RE ILLEGAL ALIENS.
YES! WE COME FROM FRANCE!
FRANCE!
YES! WE COME FROM FRANCE!
FRANCE!
WE CAME FROM FRANCE!
FRANCE!
WE CAME FROM FRANCE!
SO YOU ARE ALIENS!
WE CAME FROM FRANCE!
SO YOU ARE ALIENS!
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT!
SO YOU ARE ALIENS!
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT!
YES, OUR RECORDS WERE LOST
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT!
YES, OUR RECORDS WERE LOST
WHEN THE CRAFT WHICH BROUGHT US
YES, OUR RECORDS WERE LOST
WHEN THE CRAFT WHICH BROUGHT US
FROM FRANCE PLUNGED INTO
WHEN THE CRAFT WHICH BROUGHT US
FROM FRANCE PLUNGED INTO
LAKE MICHIGAN.
FROM FRANCE PLUNGED INTO
LAKE MICHIGAN.
WE CRAWLED FROM THE BOTTOM OF
LAKE MICHIGAN.
WE CRAWLED FROM THE BOTTOM OF
THE LAKE AND LIVED BY NIGHT FOR
WE CRAWLED FROM THE BOTTOM OF
THE LAKE AND LIVED BY NIGHT FOR
YEARS OFF OUR REMAINING
THE LAKE AND LIVED BY NIGHT FOR
YEARS OFF OUR REMAINING
PROTO-CAPS.
YEARS OFF OUR REMAINING
PROTO-CAPS.
YEAH.
PROTO-CAPS.
YEAH.
LISTEN.
YEAH.
LISTEN.
I THINK I'VE GOT ALL THE
LISTEN.
I THINK I'VE GOT ALL THE
INFORMATION I NEED RIGHT HERE.
I THINK I'VE GOT ALL THE
INFORMATION I NEED RIGHT HERE.
I'M JUST GOING TO TURN THIS OVER
INFORMATION I NEED RIGHT HERE.
I'M JUST GOING TO TURN THIS OVER
TO MISSING RECORDS, AND THERE'S
I'M JUST GOING TO TURN THIS OVER
TO MISSING RECORDS, AND THERE'S
NO PROBLEM.
TO MISSING RECORDS, AND THERE'S
NO PROBLEM.
YOU KNOW, I MEAN, I KNOW WHERE
NO PROBLEM.
YOU KNOW, I MEAN, I KNOW WHERE
YOU'RE COMING FROM, HEY!
YOU KNOW, I MEAN, I KNOW WHERE
YOU'RE COMING FROM, HEY!
STOCKING CAPS, TITANIUM, AND
YOU'RE COMING FROM, HEY!
STOCKING CAPS, TITANIUM, AND
BEER... WHAT THE HECK, HAPPENS
STOCKING CAPS, TITANIUM, AND
BEER... WHAT THE HECK, HAPPENS
ALL THE TIME!
BEER... WHAT THE HECK, HAPPENS
ALL THE TIME!
SO I'LL BE GOING.
ALL THE TIME!
SO I'LL BE GOING.
ALL THINGS ARE WOVEN OF THE
SO I'LL BE GOING.
ALL THINGS ARE WOVEN OF THE
SAME MOLECULAR FIBER!
ALL THINGS ARE WOVEN OF THE
SAME MOLECULAR FIBER!
THAT'S SO TRUE.
SAME MOLECULAR FIBER!
THAT'S SO TRUE.
I'M GONNA WRITE THAT DOWN.
THAT'S SO TRUE.
I'M GONNA WRITE THAT DOWN.
HEY, TAXES ARE NO BIG DEAL, SO,
I'M GONNA WRITE THAT DOWN.
HEY, TAXES ARE NO BIG DEAL, SO,
UH, YOU CALL US!
HEY, TAXES ARE NO BIG DEAL, SO,
UH, YOU CALL US!
NO PROBLEM!
UH, YOU CALL US!
NO PROBLEM!
HAVE A SAFE JOURNEY.
NO PROBLEM!
HAVE A SAFE JOURNEY.
SOMEDAY, YOU CAN TAKE ME TO
HAVE A SAFE JOURNEY.
SOMEDAY, YOU CAN TAKE ME TO
YOUR SUPERVISOR.
SOMEDAY, YOU CAN TAKE ME TO
YOUR SUPERVISOR.
GREAT, GREAT.
YOUR SUPERVISOR.
GREAT, GREAT.
DO WE HAVE TIME FOR A QUICK
GREAT, GREAT.
DO WE HAVE TIME FOR A QUICK
ONE BEFORE I MUST PREPARE FOR
DO WE HAVE TIME FOR A QUICK
ONE BEFORE I MUST PREPARE FOR
WORK?
ONE BEFORE I MUST PREPARE FOR
WORK?
YES.
WORK?
YES.
LET'S DO IT RIGHT HERE IN THE
YES.
LET'S DO IT RIGHT HERE IN THE
LIVING ROOM.
LET'S DO IT RIGHT HERE IN THE
LIVING ROOM.
YES, LET'S.
YOU HAVE STIMULATED ME!
YOU HAVE STIMULATED ME!
YOU HAVE STIMULATED ME!
[PLAYING CLASSICAL MUSIC]
[SINGING "NUR WER DIE
SEHNSUCHT KENNT"]
[OLYMPICS THEME PLAYS]
GOOD EVENING, EVERYBODY, AND
WELCOME TO "CELEBRITY
WEIGHT LIFTING."
WELCOME TO "CELEBRITY
WEIGHT LIFTING."
TONIGHT'S BIG TREAT, OF COURSE,
WEIGHT LIFTING."
TONIGHT'S BIG TREAT, OF COURSE,
IS THE CLEAN-AND-JERK
TONIGHT'S BIG TREAT, OF COURSE,
IS THE CLEAN-AND-JERK
COMPETITION FEATURING
IS THE CLEAN-AND-JERK
COMPETITION FEATURING
VASILIY ALEKSEYEV, THE BIG
COMPETITION FEATURING
VASILIY ALEKSEYEV, THE BIG
RUSSIAN WHO'S WON THIS EVENT
VASILIY ALEKSEYEV, THE BIG
RUSSIAN WHO'S WON THIS EVENT
THREE TIMES IN THE OLYMPIC
RUSSIAN WHO'S WON THIS EVENT
THREE TIMES IN THE OLYMPIC
GAMES, THREE GOLDS.
THREE TIMES IN THE OLYMPIC
GAMES, THREE GOLDS.
AND HIS OPPONENT TONIGHT WILL BE
GAMES, THREE GOLDS.
AND HIS OPPONENT TONIGHT WILL BE
JACQUELINE KENNEDY ONASSIS, THE
AND HIS OPPONENT TONIGHT WILL BE
JACQUELINE KENNEDY ONASSIS, THE
SOCIALITE AND FORMER FIRST LADY.
JACQUELINE KENNEDY ONASSIS, THE
SOCIALITE AND FORMER FIRST LADY.
NOW THERE'S NO DOUBT ABOUT IT
SOCIALITE AND FORMER FIRST LADY.
NOW THERE'S NO DOUBT ABOUT IT
THAT ALEKSEYEV'S AT THE TOP OF
NOW THERE'S NO DOUBT ABOUT IT
THAT ALEKSEYEV'S AT THE TOP OF
HIS FORM NOW.
THAT ALEKSEYEV'S AT THE TOP OF
HIS FORM NOW.
OF COURSE, HE BROKE HIS OWN
HIS FORM NOW.
OF COURSE, HE BROKE HIS OWN
RECORD LAST YEAR AT MONTREAL IN
OF COURSE, HE BROKE HIS OWN
RECORD LAST YEAR AT MONTREAL IN
THE OLYMPIC GAMES THERE.
RECORD LAST YEAR AT MONTREAL IN
THE OLYMPIC GAMES THERE.
NO QUESTION ABOUT IT.
THE OLYMPIC GAMES THERE.
NO QUESTION ABOUT IT.
JACKIE, OF COURSE, HAS BEEN
NO QUESTION ABOUT IT.
JACKIE, OF COURSE, HAS BEEN
PLAGUED WITH INJURIES.
JACKIE, OF COURSE, HAS BEEN
PLAGUED WITH INJURIES.
PERHAPS MOST RECENTLY IS THAT
PLAGUED WITH INJURIES.
PERHAPS MOST RECENTLY IS THAT
BIG RIB-CAGE SEPARATION SHE
PERHAPS MOST RECENTLY IS THAT
BIG RIB-CAGE SEPARATION SHE
SUFFERED JUST A FEW WEEKS AGO
BIG RIB-CAGE SEPARATION SHE
SUFFERED JUST A FEW WEEKS AGO
OVER AT THE METROPOLITAN MUSEUM
SUFFERED JUST A FEW WEEKS AGO
OVER AT THE METROPOLITAN MUSEUM
OF ART... THEIR IMPERIAL RUSSIAN
OVER AT THE METROPOLITAN MUSEUM
OF ART... THEIR IMPERIAL RUSSIAN
COSTUME EXHIBITION OVER THERE.
OF ART... THEIR IMPERIAL RUSSIAN
COSTUME EXHIBITION OVER THERE.
THAT MUST STILL HURT.
COSTUME EXHIBITION OVER THERE.
THAT MUST STILL HURT.
JUST HOW MUCH WE'RE GONNA SEE IN
THAT MUST STILL HURT.
JUST HOW MUCH WE'RE GONNA SEE IN
A MOMENT.
JUST HOW MUCH WE'RE GONNA SEE IN
A MOMENT.
OKAY, LOOKS LIKE VASILIY IS
A MOMENT.
OKAY, LOOKS LIKE VASILIY IS
ABOUT READY TO MAKE HIS FIRST
OKAY, LOOKS LIKE VASILIY IS
ABOUT READY TO MAKE HIS FIRST
ATTEMPT, AT A WEIGHT OF 250
ABOUT READY TO MAKE HIS FIRST
ATTEMPT, AT A WEIGHT OF 250
KILOGRAMS.
ATTEMPT, AT A WEIGHT OF 250
KILOGRAMS.
OH, LOOK AT THAT NECK.
KILOGRAMS.
OH, LOOK AT THAT NECK.
[CHUCKLES]
OH, LOOK AT THAT NECK.
[CHUCKLES]
I UNDERSTAND IT'S A 19-INCH NECK
[CHUCKLES]
I UNDERSTAND IT'S A 19-INCH NECK
THE RUSSIAN HAS.
IT'S UP.
IT'S UP.
HE'S CLEANED IT.
IT'S UP.
HE'S CLEANED IT.
AND IT'S GOOD!
HE'S CLEANED IT.
AND IT'S GOOD!
IT'S GOOD.
AND IT'S GOOD!
IT'S GOOD.
A VERY FINE LIFT FOR
IT'S GOOD.
A VERY FINE LIFT FOR
ALEKSEYEV... 250 KILOGRAMS.
A VERY FINE LIFT FOR
ALEKSEYEV... 250 KILOGRAMS.
YOU CAN SEE WHY HE WON THE GOLD
ALEKSEYEV... 250 KILOGRAMS.
YOU CAN SEE WHY HE WON THE GOLD
MEDAL LAST YEAR IN MONTREAL.
YOU CAN SEE WHY HE WON THE GOLD
MEDAL LAST YEAR IN MONTREAL.
NOW IT LOOKS LIKE MISS ONASSIS
MEDAL LAST YEAR IN MONTREAL.
NOW IT LOOKS LIKE MISS ONASSIS
IS APPROACHING THE BAR.
NOW IT LOOKS LIKE MISS ONASSIS
IS APPROACHING THE BAR.
IT'S GONNA BE HER FIRST ATTEMPT.
IS APPROACHING THE BAR.
IT'S GONNA BE HER FIRST ATTEMPT.
WHAT A COMPETITOR.
IT'S GONNA BE HER FIRST ATTEMPT.
WHAT A COMPETITOR.
SHE'S GOT A LOT OF DRIVE.
WHAT A COMPETITOR.
SHE'S GOT A LOT OF DRIVE.
I GUESS IT RUNS IN THE FAMILY,
SHE'S GOT A LOT OF DRIVE.
I GUESS IT RUNS IN THE FAMILY,
YOU KNOW, AND SHE'S APPROACHING
I GUESS IT RUNS IN THE FAMILY,
YOU KNOW, AND SHE'S APPROACHING
THE BAR.
YOU KNOW, AND SHE'S APPROACHING
THE BAR.
YOU KNOW, SHE GAVE SOME GATORADE
THE BAR.
YOU KNOW, SHE GAVE SOME GATORADE
TO ALEKSEYEV IN THE LOCKER ROOM.
YOU KNOW, SHE GAVE SOME GATORADE
TO ALEKSEYEV IN THE LOCKER ROOM.
HE SAID HE NEVER TRIED IT.
TO ALEKSEYEV IN THE LOCKER ROOM.
HE SAID HE NEVER TRIED IT.
THEY WERE GONNA ARRANGE TO GET A
HE SAID HE NEVER TRIED IT.
THEY WERE GONNA ARRANGE TO GET A
COUPLE OF CASES SENT OVER TO THE
THEY WERE GONNA ARRANGE TO GET A
COUPLE OF CASES SENT OVER TO THE
SOVIET UNION SO HE COULD USE AT
COUPLE OF CASES SENT OVER TO THE
SOVIET UNION SO HE COULD USE AT
HIS OWN TRAINING CAMP.
SOVIET UNION SO HE COULD USE AT
HIS OWN TRAINING CAMP.
OOP.
HIS OWN TRAINING CAMP.
OOP.
SHE'S NOT HAPPY WITH HER GRIP.
OOP.
SHE'S NOT HAPPY WITH HER GRIP.
AND I DON'T BLAME HER.
SHE'S NOT HAPPY WITH HER GRIP.
AND I DON'T BLAME HER.
IF YOU'RE NOT READY, YOU JUST
AND I DON'T BLAME HER.
IF YOU'RE NOT READY, YOU JUST
WALK AWAY FROM THE BAR.
IF YOU'RE NOT READY, YOU JUST
WALK AWAY FROM THE BAR.
IT'S THE WAY THEY SAY TO DO IT,
WALK AWAY FROM THE BAR.
IT'S THE WAY THEY SAY TO DO IT,
AND SHE'S RIGHT TO DO IT.
IT'S THE WAY THEY SAY TO DO IT,
AND SHE'S RIGHT TO DO IT.
OKAY, SHE'S GOT IT.
SHE SEEMS A LITTLE BIT UNSTEADY.
SHE'S GOT IT.
SHE IS CLEANING IT.
SHE'S GOT IT.
SHE IS CLEANING IT.
SHE'S TRYING TO CLEAN IT.
SHE IS CLEANING IT.
SHE'S TRYING TO CLEAN IT.
SHE'S TRYING TO CLEAN.
SHE'S TRYING TO CLEAN IT.
SHE'S TRYING TO CLEAN.
SHE'S AT THE BELLY.
SHE'S TRYING TO CLEAN.
SHE'S AT THE BELLY.
COME ON!
SHE'S AT THE BELLY.
COME ON!
SHE'S CLEANED IT!
COME ON!
SHE'S CLEANED IT!
SHE'S CLEANED IT.
SHE'S CLEANED IT!
SHE'S CLEANED IT.
THE JUDGES HAVE SIGNALED.
SHE'S CLEANED IT.
THE JUDGES HAVE SIGNALED.
SHE'S CLEANED IT.
THE JUDGES HAVE SIGNALED.
SHE'S CLEANED IT.
NOW IF SHE COULD ONLY GET IT UP
SHE'S CLEANED IT.
NOW IF SHE COULD ONLY GET IT UP
FULL EXTENSION.
NOW IF SHE COULD ONLY GET IT UP
FULL EXTENSION.
SHE NEEDS FOR ONE FULL SECOND.
FULL EXTENSION.
SHE NEEDS FOR ONE FULL SECOND.
FULL EXTENSION... SHE'S GOT IT!
SHE NEEDS FOR ONE FULL SECOND.
FULL EXTENSION... SHE'S GOT IT!
SHE'S GOT IT!
FULL EXTENSION... SHE'S GOT IT!
SHE'S GOT IT!
TRYING TO KEEP IT THERE.
SHE'S GOT IT!
TRYING TO KEEP IT THERE.
OH, OH!
TRYING TO KEEP IT THERE.
OH, OH!
SHE'S GOT TO BE STEADY.
OH, OH!
SHE'S GOT TO BE STEADY.
OH, NO!
SHE'S GOT TO BE STEADY.
OH, NO!
OH, SHE HAD TO REMAIN STEADY.
OH, NO!
OH, SHE HAD TO REMAIN STEADY.
THE JUDGES, OF COURSE, ARE GONNA
OH, SHE HAD TO REMAIN STEADY.
THE JUDGES, OF COURSE, ARE GONNA
GIVE IT TO ALEKSEYEV.
THE JUDGES, OF COURSE, ARE GONNA
GIVE IT TO ALEKSEYEV.
OH, VASILIY, ANOTHER CONVINCING
GIVE IT TO ALEKSEYEV.
OH, VASILIY, ANOTHER CONVINCING
VICTORY... IF ONLY SHE COULD
OH, VASILIY, ANOTHER CONVINCING
VICTORY... IF ONLY SHE COULD
HAVE HUNG ON.
VICTORY... IF ONLY SHE COULD
HAVE HUNG ON.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR
HAVE HUNG ON.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR
WEIGHT TONIGHT?
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR
WEIGHT TONIGHT?
[SPEAKING RUSSIAN]
WEIGHT TONIGHT?
[SPEAKING RUSSIAN]
MAYBE YOU COULD GET ME AMERICAN
[SPEAKING RUSSIAN]
MAYBE YOU COULD GET ME AMERICAN
BLUE JEANS SOMETIME?
MAYBE YOU COULD GET ME AMERICAN
BLUE JEANS SOMETIME?
LOVE TO, ALEKSEYEV.
BLUE JEANS SOMETIME?
LOVE TO, ALEKSEYEV.
YOU CERTAINLY EARNED IT WITH
LOVE TO, ALEKSEYEV.
YOU CERTAINLY EARNED IT WITH
YOUR PERFORMANCE TONIGHT.
YOU CERTAINLY EARNED IT WITH
YOUR PERFORMANCE TONIGHT.
LET ME CHECK ON MISS ONASSIS'
YOUR PERFORMANCE TONIGHT.
LET ME CHECK ON MISS ONASSIS'
CONDITION.
LET ME CHECK ON MISS ONASSIS'
CONDITION.
JACKIE, HOW ARE YOU?
CONDITION.
JACKIE, HOW ARE YOU?
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE
JACKIE, HOW ARE YOU?
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE
LIFT?
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE
LIFT?
WELL, I-I THINK IT'S MY
LIFT?
WELL, I-I THINK IT'S MY
COLLARBONE.
WELL, I-I THINK IT'S MY
COLLARBONE.
I-I BROKE IT.
COLLARBONE.
I-I BROKE IT.
SHE BROKE THE COLLARBONE.
I-I BROKE IT.
SHE BROKE THE COLLARBONE.
WELL, IT'S ALWAYS THE
SHE BROKE THE COLLARBONE.
WELL, IT'S ALWAYS THE
COLLARBONE.
WELL, IT'S ALWAYS THE
COLLARBONE.
THAT'S WHAT THEY ALWAYS SAY.
COLLARBONE.
THAT'S WHAT THEY ALWAYS SAY.
WELL, YOU CAN'T HELP BUT WONDER
THAT'S WHAT THEY ALWAYS SAY.
WELL, YOU CAN'T HELP BUT WONDER
IF MAYBE JACKIE WILL BE MISSING
WELL, YOU CAN'T HELP BUT WONDER
IF MAYBE JACKIE WILL BE MISSING
THAT BIG PARTY FOR
IF MAYBE JACKIE WILL BE MISSING
THAT BIG PARTY FOR
RUDOLF NUREYEV THIS MONDAY
THAT BIG PARTY FOR
RUDOLF NUREYEV THIS MONDAY
NIGHT.
RUDOLF NUREYEV THIS MONDAY
NIGHT.
SHE WON'T BE ABLE TO COMPETE AT
NIGHT.
SHE WON'T BE ABLE TO COMPETE AT
THAT DRINK FEST, NO QUESTION
SHE WON'T BE ABLE TO COMPETE AT
THAT DRINK FEST, NO QUESTION
ABOUT IT.
THAT DRINK FEST, NO QUESTION
ABOUT IT.
WE'RE ABOUT OUT OF TIME RIGHT
ABOUT IT.
WE'RE ABOUT OUT OF TIME RIGHT
NOW, BUT PLEASE COME ON BACK.
WE'RE ABOUT OUT OF TIME RIGHT
NOW, BUT PLEASE COME ON BACK.
JOIN US NEXT SATURDAY NIGHT,
NOW, BUT PLEASE COME ON BACK.
JOIN US NEXT SATURDAY NIGHT,
WHEN THE FINALS OF THE 2-HANDED
JOIN US NEXT SATURDAY NIGHT,
WHEN THE FINALS OF THE 2-HANDED
SNATCH WILL FEATURE
WHEN THE FINALS OF THE 2-HANDED
SNATCH WILL FEATURE
ARETHA FRANKLIN AND
SNATCH WILL FEATURE
ARETHA FRANKLIN AND
ERIC SEVAREID.
ARETHA FRANKLIN AND
ERIC SEVAREID.
WE'LL SEE YOU THEN.
ERIC SEVAREID.
WE'LL SEE YOU THEN.
KEEP LIFTING.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE
"SATURDAY NIGHT" SHOW IS PROUD
TO PRESENT THE KINKS.
"SATURDAY NIGHT" SHOW IS PROUD
TO PRESENT THE KINKS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
TO PRESENT THE KINKS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
["YOU REALLY GOT ME"
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
["YOU REALLY GOT ME"
INTRODUCTION PLAYS]
["YOU REALLY GOT ME"
INTRODUCTION PLAYS]
YEAH, ALL RIGHT.
[INTRODUCTION PLAYS]
YEAH, ALL RIGHT.
♪ GIRL, YOU REALLY GOT ME
YEAH, ALL RIGHT.
♪ GIRL, YOU REALLY GOT ME
GOIN' ♪
♪ GIRL, YOU REALLY GOT ME
GOIN' ♪
♪ YOU GOT ME SO I DON'T KNOW
GOIN' ♪
♪ YOU GOT ME SO I DON'T KNOW
WHAT I'M DOIN' ♪
♪ YOU GOT ME SO I DON'T KNOW
WHAT I'M DOIN' ♪
♪ YEAH, YOU REALLY GOT ME NOW ♪
WHAT I'M DOIN' ♪
♪ YEAH, YOU REALLY GOT ME NOW ♪
♪ YOU GOT ME SO I CAN'T SLEEP
♪ YEAH, YOU REALLY GOT ME NOW ♪
♪ YOU GOT ME SO I CAN'T SLEEP
AT NIGHT ♪
♪ YOU GOT ME SO I CAN'T SLEEP
AT NIGHT ♪
♪ YEAH, YOU REALLY GOT ME NOW ♪
AT NIGHT ♪
♪ YEAH, YOU REALLY GOT ME NOW ♪
♪ YOU GOT ME SO I DON'T KNOW
♪ YEAH, YOU REALLY GOT ME NOW ♪
♪ YOU GOT ME SO I DON'T KNOW
WHAT I'M DOIN' ♪
♪ YOU GOT ME SO I DON'T KNOW
WHAT I'M DOIN' ♪
♪ OH, YEAH, YOU REALLY
WHAT I'M DOIN' ♪
♪ OH, YEAH, YOU REALLY
GOT ME NOW ♪
♪ OH, YEAH, YOU REALLY
GOT ME NOW ♪
♪ YOU GOT ME SO I CAN'T SLEEP
GOT ME NOW ♪
♪ YOU GOT ME SO I CAN'T SLEEP
AT NIGHT ♪
♪ YOU GOT ME SO I CAN'T SLEEP
AT NIGHT ♪
♪ YOU REALLY GOT ME ♪
AT NIGHT ♪
♪ YOU REALLY GOT ME ♪
♪ YOU REALLY GOT ME ♪
♪ YOU REALLY GOT ME ♪
♪ YOU REALLY GOT ME ♪
♪ YOU REALLY GOT ME ♪♪
♪ YOU REALLY GOT ME ♪
♪ YOU REALLY GOT ME ♪♪
♪ I'M NOT CONTENT TO BE WITH YOU
♪ YOU REALLY GOT ME ♪♪
♪ I'M NOT CONTENT TO BE WITH YOU
IN THE DAYTIME ♪
♪ I'M NOT CONTENT TO BE WITH YOU
IN THE DAYTIME ♪
♪ GIRL, I WANT TO BE WITH YOU
IN THE DAYTIME ♪
♪ GIRL, I WANT TO BE WITH YOU
ALL OF THE TIME ♪
♪ GIRL, I WANT TO BE WITH YOU
ALL OF THE TIME ♪
♪ THE ONLY TIME I FEEL ALL RIGHT
ALL OF THE TIME ♪
♪ THE ONLY TIME I FEEL ALL RIGHT
IS BY YOUR SIDE ♪
♪ THE ONLY TIME I FEEL ALL RIGHT
IS BY YOUR SIDE ♪
♪ GIRL, I WANT TO BE WITH YOU
IS BY YOUR SIDE ♪
♪ GIRL, I WANT TO BE WITH YOU
ALL OF THE TIME ♪
♪ GIRL, I WANT TO BE WITH YOU
ALL OF THE TIME ♪
♪ ALL DAY AND ALL OF THE NIGHT ♪
ALL OF THE TIME ♪
♪ ALL DAY AND ALL OF THE NIGHT ♪
♪ ALL DAY AND ALL OF THE NIGHT ♪
♪ ALL DAY AND ALL OF THE NIGHT ♪
♪ ALL DAY AND ALL OF THE NIGHT ♪
♪ ALL DAY
♪ ALL DAY AND ALL OF THE NIGHT ♪
♪ ALL DAY
AND ALL OF THE NIGHT ♪♪
♪ HE GETS UP IN THE MORNING,
AND HE GOES TO WORK AT NIGHT ♪
♪ AND HE COMES BACK HOME
AND HE GOES TO WORK AT NIGHT ♪
♪ AND HE COMES BACK HOME
AT 5:30 ♪
♪ AND HE COMES BACK HOME
AT 5:30 ♪
♪ GETS THE SAME TRAIN
AT 5:30 ♪
♪ GETS THE SAME TRAIN
EVERY TIME ♪
♪ GETS THE SAME TRAIN
EVERY TIME ♪
♪ 'CAUSE HIS WORLD IS BUILT
EVERY TIME ♪
♪ 'CAUSE HIS WORLD IS BUILT
ON PUNCTUALITY ♪
♪ 'CAUSE HIS WORLD IS BUILT
ON PUNCTUALITY ♪
♪ IT NEVER FAILS ♪
ON PUNCTUALITY ♪
♪ IT NEVER FAILS ♪
♪ AND HE'S OH, SO GOOD ♪
♪ IT NEVER FAILS ♪
♪ AND HE'S OH, SO GOOD ♪
♪ AND HE'S OH, SO FINE ♪
♪ AND HE'S OH, SO GOOD ♪
♪ AND HE'S OH, SO FINE ♪
♪ AND HE'S OH, SO HEALTHY
♪ AND HE'S OH, SO FINE ♪
♪ AND HE'S OH, SO HEALTHY
IN HIS BODY AND HIS MIND ♪
♪ AND HE'S OH, SO HEALTHY
IN HIS BODY AND HIS MIND ♪
♪ HE'S A WELL-RESPECTED
IN HIS BODY AND HIS MIND ♪
♪ HE'S A WELL-RESPECTED
MAN ABOUT TOWN ♪
♪ HE'S A WELL-RESPECTED
MAN ABOUT TOWN ♪
♪ DOING THE BEST THINGS
MAN ABOUT TOWN ♪
♪ DOING THE BEST THINGS
SO CONSERVATIVELY ♪
♪ DOING THE BEST THINGS
SO CONSERVATIVELY ♪
♪ AND HE'S OH, SO GOOD ♪
SO CONSERVATIVELY ♪
♪ AND HE'S OH, SO GOOD ♪
♪ AND HE'S OH, SO FINE ♪
♪ AND HE'S OH, SO GOOD ♪
♪ AND HE'S OH, SO FINE ♪
♪ AND HE'S OH, SO HEALTHY
♪ AND HE'S OH, SO FINE ♪
♪ AND HE'S OH, SO HEALTHY
IN HIS BODY AND HIS MIND ♪
♪ AND HE'S OH, SO HEALTHY
IN HIS BODY AND HIS MIND ♪
♪ HE'S A WELL-RESPECTED
IN HIS BODY AND HIS MIND ♪
♪ HE'S A WELL-RESPECTED
MAN ABOUT TOWN ♪
♪ HE'S A WELL-RESPECTED
MAN ABOUT TOWN ♪
♪ DOING THE BEST THINGS
MAN ABOUT TOWN ♪
♪ DOING THE BEST THINGS
SO CONSERVATIVELY ♪♪
♪ DOING THE BEST THINGS
SO CONSERVATIVELY ♪♪
[PLAYS "LOLA" INTRODUCTION]
SO CONSERVATIVELY ♪♪
[PLAYS "LOLA" INTRODUCTION]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[PLAYS "LOLA" INTRODUCTION]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ I MET HER IN A CLUB
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ I MET HER IN A CLUB
DOWN IN OLD SOHO,
♪ I MET HER IN A CLUB
DOWN IN OLD SOHO,
WHERE YOU DRINK CHAMPAGNE
DOWN IN OLD SOHO,
WHERE YOU DRINK CHAMPAGNE
AND IT TASTES JUST LIKE
WHERE YOU DRINK CHAMPAGNE
AND IT TASTES JUST LIKE
COCA-COLA ♪
AND IT TASTES JUST LIKE
COCA-COLA ♪
♪ C-O-L-A COLA ♪
COCA-COLA ♪
♪ C-O-L-A COLA ♪
♪ SHE WALKED UP TO ME,
♪ C-O-L-A COLA ♪
♪ SHE WALKED UP TO ME,
AND SHE ASKED ME TO DANCE ♪
♪ SHE WALKED UP TO ME,
AND SHE ASKED ME TO DANCE ♪
♪ I ASKED HER HER NAME,
AND SHE ASKED ME TO DANCE ♪
♪ I ASKED HER HER NAME,
AND IN A DARK BROWN VOICE
♪ I ASKED HER HER NAME,
AND IN A DARK BROWN VOICE
SHE SAID, "LOLA" ♪
AND IN A DARK BROWN VOICE
SHE SAID, "LOLA" ♪
♪ L-O-L-A LOLA ♪
SHE SAID, "LOLA" ♪
♪ L-O-L-A LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ L-O-L-A LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ WELL, I'M NOT THE WORLD'S
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ WELL, I'M NOT THE WORLD'S
MOST PHYSICAL GUY,
♪ WELL, I'M NOT THE WORLD'S
MOST PHYSICAL GUY,
BUT WHEN SHE SQUEEZED ME TIGHT
MOST PHYSICAL GUY,
BUT WHEN SHE SQUEEZED ME TIGHT
SHE NEARLY BROKE MY SPINE ♪
BUT WHEN SHE SQUEEZED ME TIGHT
SHE NEARLY BROKE MY SPINE ♪
♪ OH, MY, LOLA ♪
SHE NEARLY BROKE MY SPINE ♪
♪ OH, MY, LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ OH, MY, LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ WELL, I'M NOT DUMB,
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ WELL, I'M NOT DUMB,
BUT I CANT UNDERSTAND
♪ WELL, I'M NOT DUMB,
BUT I CANT UNDERSTAND
WHY SHE WALKED LIKE A WOMAN
BUT I CANT UNDERSTAND
WHY SHE WALKED LIKE A WOMAN
BUT TALKED LIKE A MAN ♪
WHY SHE WALKED LIKE A WOMAN
BUT TALKED LIKE A MAN ♪
♪ OH, MY, LOLA ♪
BUT TALKED LIKE A MAN ♪
♪ OH, MY, LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ OH, MY, LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ WELL, I PUSHED HER AWAY ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ WELL, I PUSHED HER AWAY ♪
♪ WALKED TO THE DOOR ♪
♪ WELL, I PUSHED HER AWAY ♪
♪ WALKED TO THE DOOR ♪
♪ I FELL TO THE FLOOR ♪
♪ WALKED TO THE DOOR ♪
♪ I FELL TO THE FLOOR ♪
♪ I GOT DOWN ON MY KNEES ♪
♪ I FELL TO THE FLOOR ♪
♪ I GOT DOWN ON MY KNEES ♪
♪ THEN I LOOKED AT HER
♪ I GOT DOWN ON MY KNEES ♪
♪ THEN I LOOKED AT HER
AND SHE AT ME ♪
♪ THEN I LOOKED AT HER
AND SHE AT ME ♪
♪ WELL, THAT'S THE WAY
AND SHE AT ME ♪
♪ WELL, THAT'S THE WAY
THAT I WANT IT TO STAY ♪
♪ WELL, THAT'S THE WAY
THAT I WANT IT TO STAY ♪
♪ I ALWAYS WANT IT TO BE
THAT I WANT IT TO STAY ♪
♪ I ALWAYS WANT IT TO BE
THAT WAY FOR MY LOLA ♪
♪ I ALWAYS WANT IT TO BE
THAT WAY FOR MY LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
THAT WAY FOR MY LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ GIRLS WILL BE BOYS,
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ GIRLS WILL BE BOYS,
AND BOYS WILL BE GIRLS ♪
♪ GIRLS WILL BE BOYS,
AND BOYS WILL BE GIRLS ♪
♪ IT'S A MIXED-UP, MUDDLED-UP,
AND BOYS WILL BE GIRLS ♪
♪ IT'S A MIXED-UP, MUDDLED-UP,
SHOOK-UP WORLD EXCEPT FOR LOLA ♪
♪ IT'S A MIXED-UP, MUDDLED-UP,
SHOOK-UP WORLD EXCEPT FOR LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
SHOOK-UP WORLD EXCEPT FOR LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Announcer: AND NOW "WEEKEND
UPDATE," WITH JANE CURTIN.
HI.
UPDATE," WITH JANE CURTIN.
HI.
I'M JANE CURTIN.
HI.
I'M JANE CURTIN.
REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I DID
I'M JANE CURTIN.
REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I DID
"UPDATE" FROM THIS DESK?
REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I DID
"UPDATE" FROM THIS DESK?
NOT TONIGHT.
"UPDATE" FROM THIS DESK?
NOT TONIGHT.
I HAVE A HEADACHE.
NOT TONIGHT.
I HAVE A HEADACHE.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... A
I HAVE A HEADACHE.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... A
REPORT FROM FLORIDA STATES THAT
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... A
REPORT FROM FLORIDA STATES THAT
ANITA BRYANT PLANS TO UNDERGO A
REPORT FROM FLORIDA STATES THAT
ANITA BRYANT PLANS TO UNDERGO A
SEX-CHANGE OPERATION THIS
ANITA BRYANT PLANS TO UNDERGO A
SEX-CHANGE OPERATION THIS
SPRING.
SEX-CHANGE OPERATION THIS
SPRING.
THE EXACT DATE WILL NOT BE SET
SPRING.
THE EXACT DATE WILL NOT BE SET
UNTIL THE POPULAR TV PERSONALITY
THE EXACT DATE WILL NOT BE SET
UNTIL THE POPULAR TV PERSONALITY
DECIDES WHICH SEX TO CHANGE TO.
UNTIL THE POPULAR TV PERSONALITY
DECIDES WHICH SEX TO CHANGE TO.
MORE ON THIS STORY AS IT
DECIDES WHICH SEX TO CHANGE TO.
MORE ON THIS STORY AS IT
DEVELOPS.
MORE ON THIS STORY AS IT
DEVELOPS.
WELL, BEGINNING MARCH 15th, "THE
DEVELOPS.
WELL, BEGINNING MARCH 15th, "THE
TONIGHT SHOW," STARRING
WELL, BEGINNING MARCH 15th, "THE
TONIGHT SHOW," STARRING
JOHNNY CARSON, WILL BE BROADCAST
TONIGHT SHOW," STARRING
JOHNNY CARSON, WILL BE BROADCAST
LIVE ON THE NBC TV NETWORK.
JOHNNY CARSON, WILL BE BROADCAST
LIVE ON THE NBC TV NETWORK.
CARSON, WHO HAS BEEN DOING THE
LIVE ON THE NBC TV NETWORK.
CARSON, WHO HAS BEEN DOING THE
SHOW DEAD FOR THE PAST 15 YEARS,
CARSON, WHO HAS BEEN DOING THE
SHOW DEAD FOR THE PAST 15 YEARS,
COULD NOT EXPLAIN HOW HE WAS
SHOW DEAD FOR THE PAST 15 YEARS,
COULD NOT EXPLAIN HOW HE WAS
GOING TO MAKE THAT TRANSITION.
COULD NOT EXPLAIN HOW HE WAS
GOING TO MAKE THAT TRANSITION.
THE GREENWICH VILLAGE COMMUNITY
GOING TO MAKE THAT TRANSITION.
THE GREENWICH VILLAGE COMMUNITY
COURT TODAY CONVICTED THE CITY
THE GREENWICH VILLAGE COMMUNITY
COURT TODAY CONVICTED THE CITY
OF CINCINNATI FOR OBSCENITY FOR
COURT TODAY CONVICTED THE CITY
OF CINCINNATI FOR OBSCENITY FOR
THEIR CONVICTION OF HUSTLER
OF CINCINNATI FOR OBSCENITY FOR
THEIR CONVICTION OF HUSTLER
MAGAZINE PUBLISHER LARRY FLYNT.
THEIR CONVICTION OF HUSTLER
MAGAZINE PUBLISHER LARRY FLYNT.
THE GREENWICH VILLAGE COURT
MAGAZINE PUBLISHER LARRY FLYNT.
THE GREENWICH VILLAGE COURT
SENTENCED THE PEOPLE OF
THE GREENWICH VILLAGE COURT
SENTENCED THE PEOPLE OF
CINCINNATI TO LIVE IN
SENTENCED THE PEOPLE OF
CINCINNATI TO LIVE IN
CINCINNATI.
CINCINNATI TO LIVE IN
CINCINNATI.
ALTHOUGH PRESIDENT CARTER HAS
CINCINNATI.
ALTHOUGH PRESIDENT CARTER HAS
FORBIDDEN THE DRINKING OF HARD
ALTHOUGH PRESIDENT CARTER HAS
FORBIDDEN THE DRINKING OF HARD
LIQUOR IN THE WHITE HOUSE, HE
FORBIDDEN THE DRINKING OF HARD
LIQUOR IN THE WHITE HOUSE, HE
REVEALED THIS WEEK THAT HE
LIQUOR IN THE WHITE HOUSE, HE
REVEALED THIS WEEK THAT HE
DOESN'T OBJECT TO TAKING IT
REVEALED THIS WEEK THAT HE
DOESN'T OBJECT TO TAKING IT
INTRAVENOUSLY.
DOESN'T OBJECT TO TAKING IT
INTRAVENOUSLY.
THE PRESIDENT IS SHOWN HERE
INTRAVENOUSLY.
THE PRESIDENT IS SHOWN HERE
HAVING A SHOT OF BOURBON TO
THE PRESIDENT IS SHOWN HERE
HAVING A SHOT OF BOURBON TO
CELEBRATE THE BIRTH OF HIS NEW
HAVING A SHOT OF BOURBON TO
CELEBRATE THE BIRTH OF HIS NEW
GRANDSON.
CELEBRATE THE BIRTH OF HIS NEW
GRANDSON.
ADOLF HITLER'S RIGHT-HAND MAN,
GRANDSON.
ADOLF HITLER'S RIGHT-HAND MAN,
RUDOLF HESS, UNSUCCESSFULLY
ADOLF HITLER'S RIGHT-HAND MAN,
RUDOLF HESS, UNSUCCESSFULLY
ATTEMPTED SUICIDE THIS WEEK IN
RUDOLF HESS, UNSUCCESSFULLY
ATTEMPTED SUICIDE THIS WEEK IN
BERLIN'S SPANDAU PRISON, WHERE
ATTEMPTED SUICIDE THIS WEEK IN
BERLIN'S SPANDAU PRISON, WHERE
HE IS THE ONLY INMATE.
BERLIN'S SPANDAU PRISON, WHERE
HE IS THE ONLY INMATE.
AUTHORITIES SAID THE 82-YEAR-OLD
HE IS THE ONLY INMATE.
AUTHORITIES SAID THE 82-YEAR-OLD
NAZI BECAME CONFUSED AFTER
AUTHORITIES SAID THE 82-YEAR-OLD
NAZI BECAME CONFUSED AFTER
SECRETLY PLAN... PLAN...
NAZI BECAME CONFUSED AFTER
SECRETLY PLAN... PLAN...
PLANNING...
SECRETLY PLAN... PLAN...
PLANNING...
ADOLF HITLER'S RIGHT-HAND MAN,
PLANNING...
ADOLF HITLER'S RIGHT-HAND MAN,
RUDOLF HESS, UNSUCCESSFULLY
ADOLF HITLER'S RIGHT-HAND MAN,
RUDOLF HESS, UNSUCCESSFULLY
ATTEMPTED SUICIDE THIS WEEK IN
RUDOLF HESS, UNSUCCESSFULLY
ATTEMPTED SUICIDE THIS WEEK IN
BERLIN'S SPANDAU PRISON, WHERE
ATTEMPTED SUICIDE THIS WEEK IN
BERLIN'S SPANDAU PRISON, WHERE
HE IS THE ONLY INMATE.
BERLIN'S SPANDAU PRISON, WHERE
HE IS THE ONLY INMATE.
AUTHORITIES SAID THE 82-YEAR-OLD
HE IS THE ONLY INMATE.
AUTHORITIES SAID THE 82-YEAR-OLD
NAZI BECAME CONFUSED AFTER
AUTHORITIES SAID THE 82-YEAR-OLD
NAZI BECAME CONFUSED AFTER
SECRETLY PLANNING A PRISON BREAK
NAZI BECAME CONFUSED AFTER
SECRETLY PLANNING A PRISON BREAK
AND REPEATEDLY SAYING TO
SECRETLY PLANNING A PRISON BREAK
AND REPEATEDLY SAYING TO
HIMSELF, "PASS IT ON."
AND REPEATEDLY SAYING TO
HIMSELF, "PASS IT ON."
PASS IT ON.
HIMSELF, "PASS IT ON."
PASS IT ON.
STILL TO COME... BOB HOPE AND
PASS IT ON.
STILL TO COME... BOB HOPE AND
GERALD FORD ANNOUNCE WEDDING
STILL TO COME... BOB HOPE AND
GERALD FORD ANNOUNCE WEDDING
PLANS AFTER THIS WORD FROM
GERALD FORD ANNOUNCE WEDDING
PLANS AFTER THIS WORD FROM
WHOEVER.
YES, EVEN A WOMAN DOCTOR LIKE
ME CAN HAVE A WEIGHT PROBLEM.
THAT'S WHY FOR MANY YEARS I'VE
TRIED EXHAUSTING EXERCISES,
HARMFUL PILLS, AND, WORST OF
TRIED EXHAUSTING EXERCISES,
HARMFUL PILLS, AND, WORST OF
ALL, COMPLEX AND ANNOYING DIETS.
HARMFUL PILLS, AND, WORST OF
ALL, COMPLEX AND ANNOYING DIETS.
SO, FINALLY, I WROTE MY OWN
ALL, COMPLEX AND ANNOYING DIETS.
SO, FINALLY, I WROTE MY OWN
BOOK... A STEP-BY-STEP,
SO, FINALLY, I WROTE MY OWN
BOOK... A STEP-BY-STEP,
EASY-TO-UNDERSTAND,
BOOK... A STEP-BY-STEP,
EASY-TO-UNDERSTAND,
EASY-TO-FOLLOW BOOK THAT IS
EASY-TO-UNDERSTAND,
EASY-TO-FOLLOW BOOK THAT IS
ABSOLUTELY 100% FOOLPROOF.
EASY-TO-FOLLOW BOOK THAT IS
ABSOLUTELY 100% FOOLPROOF.
I CALL IT "DR. BREADLOAF'S
ABSOLUTELY 100% FOOLPROOF.
I CALL IT "DR. BREADLOAF'S
QUICK-LOSS DIET BOOK."
I CALL IT "DR. BREADLOAF'S
QUICK-LOSS DIET BOOK."
LET'S TURN TO PAGE ONE AND READ
QUICK-LOSS DIET BOOK."
LET'S TURN TO PAGE ONE AND READ
THE INSTRUCTIONS.
LET'S TURN TO PAGE ONE AND READ
THE INSTRUCTIONS.
"BREAKFAST... EAT PAGE ONE."
THE INSTRUCTIONS.
"BREAKFAST... EAT PAGE ONE."
THAT'S RIGHT.
"BREAKFAST... EAT PAGE ONE."
THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU SIMPLY TEAR THE PAGE OUT OF
THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU SIMPLY TEAR THE PAGE OUT OF
THE BOOK AND EAT IT.
YOU SIMPLY TEAR THE PAGE OUT OF
THE BOOK AND EAT IT.
WHAT COULD BE EASIER OR MORE
THE BOOK AND EAT IT.
WHAT COULD BE EASIER OR MORE
SLIMMING?
WHAT COULD BE EASIER OR MORE
SLIMMING?
MMM-MMM!
SLIMMING?
MMM-MMM!
AND FOR LUNCH, EAT PAGE TWO.
MMM-MMM!
AND FOR LUNCH, EAT PAGE TWO.
FOLLOWED BY A HEARTY DINNER OF
AND FOR LUNCH, EAT PAGE TWO.
FOLLOWED BY A HEARTY DINNER OF
PAGES THREE AND FOUR.
FOLLOWED BY A HEARTY DINNER OF
PAGES THREE AND FOUR.
MMM-MMM!
PAGES THREE AND FOUR.
MMM-MMM!
THAT'S GOOD!
MMM-MMM!
THAT'S GOOD!
AND OF COURSE THESE BOOKS COME
THAT'S GOOD!
AND OF COURSE THESE BOOKS COME
WITH EXTRA PAGES FOR HOLIDAY
AND OF COURSE THESE BOOKS COME
WITH EXTRA PAGES FOR HOLIDAY
DINNERS, COLOR ILLUSTRATIONS FOR
WITH EXTRA PAGES FOR HOLIDAY
DINNERS, COLOR ILLUSTRATIONS FOR
MIDNIGHT SNACKS, AND IMPORTED
DINNERS, COLOR ILLUSTRATIONS FOR
MIDNIGHT SNACKS, AND IMPORTED
CARDBOARD BINDINGS FOR GOURMET
MIDNIGHT SNACKS, AND IMPORTED
CARDBOARD BINDINGS FOR GOURMET
DINING AT ITS BEST.
CARDBOARD BINDINGS FOR GOURMET
DINING AT ITS BEST.
AND FOR JEWS... TWO BOOKS.
DINING AT ITS BEST.
AND FOR JEWS... TWO BOOKS.
PAPERBACKS FOR POOR PEOPLE.
AND FOR JEWS... TWO BOOKS.
PAPERBACKS FOR POOR PEOPLE.
I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE.
PAPERBACKS FOR POOR PEOPLE.
I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE.
I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH YOU WEIGH.
I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE.
I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH YOU WEIGH.
I DON'T EVEN CARE IF YOU CAN
I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH YOU WEIGH.
I DON'T EVEN CARE IF YOU CAN
READ.
I DON'T EVEN CARE IF YOU CAN
READ.
ALL I CARE IS THAT YOU USE MY
READ.
ALL I CARE IS THAT YOU USE MY
BOOK FOR ONE WEEK, AND IF YOU
ALL I CARE IS THAT YOU USE MY
BOOK FOR ONE WEEK, AND IF YOU
ARE NOT COMPLETELY SATISFIED,
BOOK FOR ONE WEEK, AND IF YOU
ARE NOT COMPLETELY SATISFIED,
RETURN THE UNEATEN PORTION TO
ARE NOT COMPLETELY SATISFIED,
RETURN THE UNEATEN PORTION TO
ME, AND I'LL RETURN YOUR MONEY.
RETURN THE UNEATEN PORTION TO
ME, AND I'LL RETURN YOUR MONEY.
ORDER NOW AND RECEIVE FREE OF
ME, AND I'LL RETURN YOUR MONEY.
ORDER NOW AND RECEIVE FREE OF
CHARGE THIS COMBINATION
ORDER NOW AND RECEIVE FREE OF
CHARGE THIS COMBINATION
BOOKMARK/BIRTHDAY CAKE.
CHARGE THIS COMBINATION
BOOKMARK/BIRTHDAY CAKE.
Announcer: YOU'LL LOSE WEIGHT
BOOKMARK/BIRTHDAY CAKE.
Announcer: YOU'LL LOSE WEIGHT
FAST AND FEEL WONDERFUL.
Announcer: YOU'LL LOSE WEIGHT
FAST AND FEEL WONDERFUL.
YES, HERE'S A BOOK WITH A HAPPY
FAST AND FEEL WONDERFUL.
YES, HERE'S A BOOK WITH A HAPPY
ENDING.
YES, HERE'S A BOOK WITH A HAPPY
ENDING.
FOR YOUR COPY, SEND $8.95 IN
ENDING.
FOR YOUR COPY, SEND $8.95 IN
CASH OR MONEY ORDER TO...
AND THIS IS
DR. RUTH BREADLOAF SAYING
TONIGHT, WHY NOT RELAX, CURL UP
DR. RUTH BREADLOAF SAYING
TONIGHT, WHY NOT RELAX, CURL UP
WITH A GOOD BOOK, AND EAT IT?
THE UNITED STATES DEFENSE
DEPARTMENT HAS RECENTLY BEEN
TEST-FLYING THE PRESIDENT'S NEW
DEPARTMENT HAS RECENTLY BEEN
TEST-FLYING THE PRESIDENT'S NEW
FLYING COMMAND POST, A REGULAR
TEST-FLYING THE PRESIDENT'S NEW
FLYING COMMAND POST, A REGULAR
747 AIRPLANE WHICH WAS CONVERTED
FLYING COMMAND POST, A REGULAR
747 AIRPLANE WHICH WAS CONVERTED
FOR HIS USE IN CASE OF A NUCLEAR
747 AIRPLANE WHICH WAS CONVERTED
FOR HIS USE IN CASE OF A NUCLEAR
ATTACK.
FOR HIS USE IN CASE OF A NUCLEAR
ATTACK.
"UPDATE" HAS MADE ARRANGEMENTS
ATTACK.
"UPDATE" HAS MADE ARRANGEMENTS
TO TAKE ITS CAMERAS ON BOARD THE
"UPDATE" HAS MADE ARRANGEMENTS
TO TAKE ITS CAMERAS ON BOARD THE
AIRCRAFT.
TO TAKE ITS CAMERAS ON BOARD THE
AIRCRAFT.
LET'S GO NOW FOR A SPECIAL
AIRCRAFT.
LET'S GO NOW FOR A SPECIAL
REPORT WITH LARAINE NEWMAN
LET'S GO NOW FOR A SPECIAL
REPORT WITH LARAINE NEWMAN
SOMEWHERE ABOVE WASHINGTON.
REPORT WITH LARAINE NEWMAN
SOMEWHERE ABOVE WASHINGTON.
JANE, I'M STANDING INSIDE THE
SOMEWHERE ABOVE WASHINGTON.
JANE, I'M STANDING INSIDE THE
ELECTRONIC CORE OF THE DEFENSE
JANE, I'M STANDING INSIDE THE
ELECTRONIC CORE OF THE DEFENSE
DEPARTMENT'S EXECUTIVE COMMAND
ELECTRONIC CORE OF THE DEFENSE
DEPARTMENT'S EXECUTIVE COMMAND
FLYING POST.
DEPARTMENT'S EXECUTIVE COMMAND
FLYING POST.
WITH ME IS MAJOR GENERAL
FLYING POST.
WITH ME IS MAJOR GENERAL
ROBERT LAZETTE, WHO IS
WITH ME IS MAJOR GENERAL
ROBERT LAZETTE, WHO IS
RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MAINTENANCE
ROBERT LAZETTE, WHO IS
RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MAINTENANCE
OF THIS COMPLEX AIRCRAFT.
RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MAINTENANCE
OF THIS COMPLEX AIRCRAFT.
MR. LAZETTE, WHAT IS THIS
OF THIS COMPLEX AIRCRAFT.
MR. LAZETTE, WHAT IS THIS
CONTROL PANEL WE'RE LOOKING AT
MR. LAZETTE, WHAT IS THIS
CONTROL PANEL WE'RE LOOKING AT
HERE?
CONTROL PANEL WE'RE LOOKING AT
HERE?
OKAY, THIS IS A WARNING
HERE?
OKAY, THIS IS A WARNING
SIGNAL TRANSMITTING AN ARMY
OKAY, THIS IS A WARNING
SIGNAL TRANSMITTING AN ARMY
CONSOLE... WSTAC.
SIGNAL TRANSMITTING AN ARMY
CONSOLE... WSTAC.
WE CALL IT "STACY."
CONSOLE... WSTAC.
WE CALL IT "STACY."
AND WHAT IS STACY'S FUNCTION?
WE CALL IT "STACY."
AND WHAT IS STACY'S FUNCTION?
OKAY.
AND WHAT IS STACY'S FUNCTION?
OKAY.
IN THE INSTANCE OF A NUCLEAR
OKAY.
IN THE INSTANCE OF A NUCLEAR
CONFRONTATION, PRESIDENT CARTER
IN THE INSTANCE OF A NUCLEAR
CONFRONTATION, PRESIDENT CARTER
CAN BE INSIDE THE PLANE AND
CONFRONTATION, PRESIDENT CARTER
CAN BE INSIDE THE PLANE AND
AIRBORNE WITHIN 10 MINUTES.
CAN BE INSIDE THE PLANE AND
AIRBORNE WITHIN 10 MINUTES.
NOW THROUGH THIS CONSOLE, HE'S
AIRBORNE WITHIN 10 MINUTES.
NOW THROUGH THIS CONSOLE, HE'S
HOOKED INTO THE COMMAND DATA
NOW THROUGH THIS CONSOLE, HE'S
HOOKED INTO THE COMMAND DATA
BUFFER SYSTEM IN COLORADO.
HOOKED INTO THE COMMAND DATA
BUFFER SYSTEM IN COLORADO.
HE CAN THEN PROGRAM, CANCEL, AND
BUFFER SYSTEM IN COLORADO.
HE CAN THEN PROGRAM, CANCEL, AND
RESET ENEMY TARGETS FROM ON
HE CAN THEN PROGRAM, CANCEL, AND
RESET ENEMY TARGETS FROM ON
BOARD THE AIRCRAFT.
RESET ENEMY TARGETS FROM ON
BOARD THE AIRCRAFT.
I SEE.
BOARD THE AIRCRAFT.
I SEE.
WELL, GENERAL, WITH ALL THE
I SEE.
WELL, GENERAL, WITH ALL THE
FLYING WEAPONRY WHICH WOULD BE
WELL, GENERAL, WITH ALL THE
FLYING WEAPONRY WHICH WOULD BE
AIRBORNE DURING A NUCLEAR
FLYING WEAPONRY WHICH WOULD BE
AIRBORNE DURING A NUCLEAR
ATTACK, ISN'T A BIG AIRPLANE
AIRBORNE DURING A NUCLEAR
ATTACK, ISN'T A BIG AIRPLANE
LIKE THIS PARTICULARLY
ATTACK, ISN'T A BIG AIRPLANE
LIKE THIS PARTICULARLY
VULNERABLE TO, SAY, A SMALL
LIKE THIS PARTICULARLY
VULNERABLE TO, SAY, A SMALL
HEAT-SEEKING OR LASER-GUIDED
VULNERABLE TO, SAY, A SMALL
HEAT-SEEKING OR LASER-GUIDED
DEVICE?
HEAT-SEEKING OR LASER-GUIDED
DEVICE?
UH...
DEVICE?
UH...
Y-YEAH, I GUESS SO.
UH...
Y-YEAH, I GUESS SO.
NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT.
Y-YEAH, I GUESS SO.
NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT.
THIS IS LARAINE NEWMAN ABOARD
NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT.
THIS IS LARAINE NEWMAN ABOARD
THE EXPENSIVE AND DANGEROUS
THIS IS LARAINE NEWMAN ABOARD
THE EXPENSIVE AND DANGEROUS
FLYING COMMAND POST.
THE EXPENSIVE AND DANGEROUS
FLYING COMMAND POST.
YOU'D SEE WHERE IT WAS GONNA
FLYING COMMAND POST.
YOU'D SEE WHERE IT WAS GONNA
HIT YOU ON THIS LITTLE SCREEN
YOU'D SEE WHERE IT WAS GONNA
HIT YOU ON THIS LITTLE SCREEN
HERE.
HIT YOU ON THIS LITTLE SCREEN
HERE.
YOU'D SEE IT BEFORE IT HIT.
HERE.
YOU'D SEE IT BEFORE IT HIT.
MM-HMM.
YOU'D SEE IT BEFORE IT HIT.
MM-HMM.
TAKING IT BACK TO YOU, JANE.
MM-HMM.
TAKING IT BACK TO YOU, JANE.
AN "UPDATE" CORRECTION...
TAKING IT BACK TO YOU, JANE.
AN "UPDATE" CORRECTION...
LAST WEEK, WE INADVERTENTLY
AN "UPDATE" CORRECTION...
LAST WEEK, WE INADVERTENTLY
REPORTED THAT SUPREME COURT
LAST WEEK, WE INADVERTENTLY
REPORTED THAT SUPREME COURT
JUSTICE WARREN BURGER WON THE
REPORTED THAT SUPREME COURT
JUSTICE WARREN BURGER WON THE
1958 KENTUCKY DERBY.
JUSTICE WARREN BURGER WON THE
1958 KENTUCKY DERBY.
WELL, WE STAND CORRECTED.
1958 KENTUCKY DERBY.
WELL, WE STAND CORRECTED.
WHAT WE MEANT TO SAY WAS THAT
WELL, WE STAND CORRECTED.
WHAT WE MEANT TO SAY WAS THAT
TOM SNYDER IS ACTUALLY ONE OF A
WHAT WE MEANT TO SAY WAS THAT
TOM SNYDER IS ACTUALLY ONE OF A
PAIR OF SIAMESE TWINS, AND HIS
TOM SNYDER IS ACTUALLY ONE OF A
PAIR OF SIAMESE TWINS, AND HIS
MUCH SMALLER SISTER SPENDS MOST
PAIR OF SIAMESE TWINS, AND HIS
MUCH SMALLER SISTER SPENDS MOST
OF HER TIME INSIDE TOM'S SHIRT
MUCH SMALLER SISTER SPENDS MOST
OF HER TIME INSIDE TOM'S SHIRT
DOING RESEARCH FOR THE
OF HER TIME INSIDE TOM'S SHIRT
DOING RESEARCH FOR THE
"TOMORROW" SHOW.
DOING RESEARCH FOR THE
"TOMORROW" SHOW.
HUGH BENNETT OF ST. LOUIS,
"TOMORROW" SHOW.
HUGH BENNETT OF ST. LOUIS,
MISSOURI, IS SUING THE FOOD AND
HUGH BENNETT OF ST. LOUIS,
MISSOURI, IS SUING THE FOOD AND
DRUG ADMINISTRATION FOR
MISSOURI, IS SUING THE FOOD AND
DRUG ADMINISTRATION FOR
$1 MILLION.
DRUG ADMINISTRATION FOR
$1 MILLION.
THE 78-YEAR-OLD BENNETT HAS AN
$1 MILLION.
THE 78-YEAR-OLD BENNETT HAS AN
ELECTRONIC PACEMAKER IN HIS
THE 78-YEAR-OLD BENNETT HAS AN
ELECTRONIC PACEMAKER IN HIS
HEART WHICH HE SAYS WORKS GREAT
ELECTRONIC PACEMAKER IN HIS
HEART WHICH HE SAYS WORKS GREAT
EVERY TIME... EXCEPT WHEN HE
HEART WHICH HE SAYS WORKS GREAT
EVERY TIME... EXCEPT WHEN HE
SNEEZES, HIS GARAGE DOOR GOES
EVERY TIME... EXCEPT WHEN HE
SNEEZES, HIS GARAGE DOOR GOES
UP.
SNEEZES, HIS GARAGE DOOR GOES
UP.
HIS CASE WILL BE HEARD LATER
UP.
HIS CASE WILL BE HEARD LATER
THIS MONTH.
HIS CASE WILL BE HEARD LATER
THIS MONTH.
THIS JUST RELEASED...
THIS MONTH.
THIS JUST RELEASED...
ACCORDING TO A UNITED NATIONS
THIS JUST RELEASED...
ACCORDING TO A UNITED NATIONS
REPORT ON INTERNATIONAL POVERTY,
ACCORDING TO A UNITED NATIONS
REPORT ON INTERNATIONAL POVERTY,
IN CERTAIN THIRD WORLD
REPORT ON INTERNATIONAL POVERTY,
IN CERTAIN THIRD WORLD
COUNTRIES, PRINCE SPAGHETTI DAY
IN CERTAIN THIRD WORLD
COUNTRIES, PRINCE SPAGHETTI DAY
ONLY COMES ONCE A YEAR.
COUNTRIES, PRINCE SPAGHETTI DAY
ONLY COMES ONCE A YEAR.
OUR FINAL STORY TONIGHT...
ONLY COMES ONCE A YEAR.
OUR FINAL STORY TONIGHT...
FOODSAN COMPUTRONICS, A FIRM
OUR FINAL STORY TONIGHT...
FOODSAN COMPUTRONICS, A FIRM
WHICH ORDERS MEALS FOR IN-FLIGHT
FOODSAN COMPUTRONICS, A FIRM
WHICH ORDERS MEALS FOR IN-FLIGHT
SERVICE FOR MANY AIRLINES, WAS
WHICH ORDERS MEALS FOR IN-FLIGHT
SERVICE FOR MANY AIRLINES, WAS
FINED $3,000 BY THE CIVIL
SERVICE FOR MANY AIRLINES, WAS
FINED $3,000 BY THE CIVIL
AERONAUTICS BOARD BECAUSE OF A
FINED $3,000 BY THE CIVIL
AERONAUTICS BOARD BECAUSE OF A
MIX-UP ON AN EL AL FLIGHT TO
AERONAUTICS BOARD BECAUSE OF A
MIX-UP ON AN EL AL FLIGHT TO
TEL AVIV.
MIX-UP ON AN EL AL FLIGHT TO
TEL AVIV.
WHERE THERE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE
TEL AVIV.
WHERE THERE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE
250 MEALS CONSISTING OF 185
WHERE THERE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE
250 MEALS CONSISTING OF 185
KOSHER, 15 NORMAL, AND 15
250 MEALS CONSISTING OF 185
KOSHER, 15 NORMAL, AND 15
VEGETARIAN, DUE TO A COMPUTER
KOSHER, 15 NORMAL, AND 15
VEGETARIAN, DUE TO A COMPUTER
MIX-UP, ONLY 180 KOSHER, 42
VEGETARIAN, DUE TO A COMPUTER
MIX-UP, ONLY 180 KOSHER, 42
NORMAL, AND 3 VEGETARIAN MEALS
MIX-UP, ONLY 180 KOSHER, 42
NORMAL, AND 3 VEGETARIAN MEALS
WERE ORDERED.
NORMAL, AND 3 VEGETARIAN MEALS
WERE ORDERED.
AS A RESULT, THE REMAINING 25
WERE ORDERED.
AS A RESULT, THE REMAINING 25
PASSENGERS WITHOUT MEALS WERE
AS A RESULT, THE REMAINING 25
PASSENGERS WITHOUT MEALS WERE
FORCED TO BEG SCRAPS OF THE
PASSENGERS WITHOUT MEALS WERE
FORCED TO BEG SCRAPS OF THE
APPROPRIATE LEFTOVERS FROM OTHER
FORCED TO BEG SCRAPS OF THE
APPROPRIATE LEFTOVERS FROM OTHER
PASSENGERS, CLOGGING THE AISLES
APPROPRIATE LEFTOVERS FROM OTHER
PASSENGERS, CLOGGING THE AISLES
AND MAKING THE MEAL SERVICE AN
PASSENGERS, CLOGGING THE AISLES
AND MAKING THE MEAL SERVICE AN
UNPLEASANT AND MESSY AFFAIR.
AND MAKING THE MEAL SERVICE AN
UNPLEASANT AND MESSY AFFAIR.
SAID PASSENGER ISAAC SINGER, "AT
UNPLEASANT AND MESSY AFFAIR.
SAID PASSENGER ISAAC SINGER, "AT
LEAST, THANK GOD, THERE WAS
SAID PASSENGER ISAAC SINGER, "AT
LEAST, THANK GOD, THERE WAS
ENOUGH TO GO AROUND.
LEAST, THANK GOD, THERE WAS
ENOUGH TO GO AROUND.
OTHERWISE, WE SHOULD ALL STARVE
ENOUGH TO GO AROUND.
OTHERWISE, WE SHOULD ALL STARVE
IN THE SKY."
OTHERWISE, WE SHOULD ALL STARVE
IN THE SKY."
GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A PLEASANT
IN THE SKY."
GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A PLEASANT
TOMORROW.
PLACES, PLEASE, FOR "BROADWAY
BABY."
PLACES, PLEASE.
BABY."
PLACES, PLEASE.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
PLACES, PLEASE.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
AND NOW, LADIES AND
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
AND NOW, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, LILY TOMLIN.
AND NOW, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, LILY TOMLIN.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
LILY, I'VE BEEN MEANING TO TELL
YOU ALL NIGHT HOW GREAT IT IS I
THINK YOU'RE GONNA BE ON
YOU ALL NIGHT HOW GREAT IT IS I
THINK YOU'RE GONNA BE ON
BROADWAY.
THINK YOU'RE GONNA BE ON
BROADWAY.
WELL, ACTUALLY, I'M GONNA BE
BROADWAY.
WELL, ACTUALLY, I'M GONNA BE
AT THE BILTMORE IN MARCH.
WELL, ACTUALLY, I'M GONNA BE
AT THE BILTMORE IN MARCH.
WELL, CONGRATULATIONS, LILY.
AT THE BILTMORE IN MARCH.
WELL, CONGRATULATIONS, LILY.
IT'S GREAT.
WELL, CONGRATULATIONS, LILY.
IT'S GREAT.
THANKS, BUT I REALLY DESERVE
IT'S GREAT.
THANKS, BUT I REALLY DESERVE
THIS.
THANKS, BUT I REALLY DESERVE
THIS.
I'VE BEEN WORKING SO HARD EVER
THIS.
I'VE BEEN WORKING SO HARD EVER
SINCE I FIRST STARTED OUT IN THE
I'VE BEEN WORKING SO HARD EVER
SINCE I FIRST STARTED OUT IN THE
EARLY 1930s.
SINCE I FIRST STARTED OUT IN THE
EARLY 1930s.
BROADWAY'S BEEN A DREAM OF MINE
EARLY 1930s.
BROADWAY'S BEEN A DREAM OF MINE
FOR SO LONG... NOT JUST OF MINE,
BROADWAY'S BEEN A DREAM OF MINE
FOR SO LONG... NOT JUST OF MINE,
BUT OF GILDA'S AND LARAINE'S AND
FOR SO LONG... NOT JUST OF MINE,
BUT OF GILDA'S AND LARAINE'S AND
JANE'S.
BUT OF GILDA'S AND LARAINE'S AND
JANE'S.
I REMEMBER WHEN I MET THEM IN
JANE'S.
I REMEMBER WHEN I MET THEM IN
1934.
I REMEMBER WHEN I MET THEM IN
1934.
WE WERE FLAT BROKE.
1934.
WE WERE FLAT BROKE.
GOSH, I DON'T KNOW HOW WE KEPT
WE WERE FLAT BROKE.
GOSH, I DON'T KNOW HOW WE KEPT
OUR SPIRITS UP.
GOSH, I DON'T KNOW HOW WE KEPT
OUR SPIRITS UP.
OUR HOPES FOR SUCCESS DIMMED
OUR SPIRITS UP.
OUR HOPES FOR SUCCESS DIMMED
TIME AFTER TIME.
OUR HOPES FOR SUCCESS DIMMED
TIME AFTER TIME.
BUT WE JUST ATE, SLEPT, AND
TIME AFTER TIME.
BUT WE JUST ATE, SLEPT, AND
DREAMT BROADWAY.
BUT WE JUST ATE, SLEPT, AND
DREAMT BROADWAY.
WE REALLY DID.
DREAMT BROADWAY.
WE REALLY DID.
ONCE BEFORE THE WAR, WE EVEN
WE REALLY DID.
ONCE BEFORE THE WAR, WE EVEN
SHARED A ONE-ROOM DUMP TOGETHER.
ONCE BEFORE THE WAR, WE EVEN
SHARED A ONE-ROOM DUMP TOGETHER.
I REMEMBER A DAY... IT WAS
SHARED A ONE-ROOM DUMP TOGETHER.
I REMEMBER A DAY... IT WAS
JUNE 6, 1938.
I REMEMBER A DAY... IT WAS
JUNE 6, 1938.
IT WAS A TUESDAY.
JUNE 6, 1938.
IT WAS A TUESDAY.
I WAS HOLDING A BAR RAG, NOT
IT WAS A TUESDAY.
I WAS HOLDING A BAR RAG, NOT
UNLIKE THE ONE I'M HOLDING NOW.
I WAS HOLDING A BAR RAG, NOT
UNLIKE THE ONE I'M HOLDING NOW.
IT WAS DAMP AGAINST MY PALM.
UNLIKE THE ONE I'M HOLDING NOW.
IT WAS DAMP AGAINST MY PALM.
I WAS SORT OF WIPING THE
IT WAS DAMP AGAINST MY PALM.
I WAS SORT OF WIPING THE
COUNTER, LIKE THIS, IN THIS
I WAS SORT OF WIPING THE
COUNTER, LIKE THIS, IN THIS
SLEAZY CAFé I WAS WORKING IN.
COUNTER, LIKE THIS, IN THIS
SLEAZY CAFé I WAS WORKING IN.
I NOTICED A PIECE OF SPONGE CAKE
SLEAZY CAFé I WAS WORKING IN.
I NOTICED A PIECE OF SPONGE CAKE
ON THE COUNTER.
I NOTICED A PIECE OF SPONGE CAKE
ON THE COUNTER.
I PICKED IT UP.
ON THE COUNTER.
I PICKED IT UP.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT GOT INTO ME.
I PICKED IT UP.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT GOT INTO ME.
I JUST STARTED SINGING.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT GOT INTO ME.
I JUST STARTED SINGING.
[MUSIC BEGINS]
I JUST STARTED SINGING.
[MUSIC BEGINS]
♪ I'M JUST A BROADWAY BABY ♪
[MUSIC BEGINS]
♪ I'M JUST A BROADWAY BABY ♪
♪ SLAVIN' AT A FIVE-AND-TEN ♪
♪ I'M JUST A BROADWAY BABY ♪
♪ SLAVIN' AT A FIVE-AND-TEN ♪
♪ WAITIN' FOR THE BIG DAY WHEN
♪ SLAVIN' AT A FIVE-AND-TEN ♪
♪ WAITIN' FOR THE BIG DAY WHEN
I'LL BE IN A SHOW ♪
♪ WAITIN' FOR THE BIG DAY WHEN
I'LL BE IN A SHOW ♪
♪ BROADWAY BABY ♪
I'LL BE IN A SHOW ♪
♪ BROADWAY BABY ♪
♪ MAKIN' ROUNDS ALL AFTERNOON ♪
♪ BROADWAY BABY ♪
♪ MAKIN' ROUNDS ALL AFTERNOON ♪
♪ EATIN' AT A GREASY SPOON
♪ MAKIN' ROUNDS ALL AFTERNOON ♪
♪ EATIN' AT A GREASY SPOON
TO SAVE ON MY DO-O-O-UGH ♪
♪ EATIN' AT A GREASY SPOON
TO SAVE ON MY DO-O-O-UGH ♪
♪ AT MY TINY FLAT
TO SAVE ON MY DO-O-O-UGH ♪
♪ AT MY TINY FLAT
THERE'S JUST MY CAT,
♪ AT MY TINY FLAT
THERE'S JUST MY CAT,
A BED, AND A CHAIR ♪
THERE'S JUST MY CAT,
A BED, AND A CHAIR ♪
♪ STILL I'LL STICK IT TILL
A BED, AND A CHAIR ♪
♪ STILL I'LL STICK IT TILL
I'M ON A BILL
♪ STILL I'LL STICK IT TILL
I'M ON A BILL
ALL OVER TIMES SQUARE ♪
I'M ON A BILL
ALL OVER TIMES SQUARE ♪
♪ I'M JUST A BROADWAY BABY ♪
ALL OVER TIMES SQUARE ♪
♪ I'M JUST A BROADWAY BABY ♪
♪ WALKIN' OFF MY TIRED FEET ♪
♪ I'M JUST A BROADWAY BABY ♪
♪ WALKIN' OFF MY TIRED FEET ♪
♪ POUNDIN' 42nd STREET
♪ WALKIN' OFF MY TIRED FEET ♪
♪ POUNDIN' 42nd STREET
TO BE IN A SHOW ♪
♪ POUNDIN' 42nd STREET
TO BE IN A SHOW ♪
♪ BROADWAY BABY ♪
TO BE IN A SHOW ♪
♪ BROADWAY BABY ♪
♪ LEARNIN' HOW TO SING
♪ BROADWAY BABY ♪
♪ LEARNIN' HOW TO SING
AND DANCE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' HOW TO SING
AND DANCE ♪
♪ WAITIN' FOR THE ONE BIG CHANCE
AND DANCE ♪
♪ WAITIN' FOR THE ONE BIG CHANCE
TO BE IN A SHO-O-O-W ♪
♪ WAITIN' FOR THE ONE BIG CHANCE
TO BE IN A SHO-O-O-W ♪
♪ GEE, I'D LIKE TO BE
TO BE IN A SHO-O-O-W ♪
♪ GEE, I'D LIKE TO BE
ON SOME MARQUIS,
♪ GEE, I'D LIKE TO BE
ON SOME MARQUIS,
ALL TWINKLIN' LIGHTS ♪
ON SOME MARQUIS,
ALL TWINKLIN' LIGHTS ♪
♪ A SPARK TO PIERCE THE DARK
ALL TWINKLIN' LIGHTS ♪
♪ A SPARK TO PIERCE THE DARK
FROM BATTERY PARK
♪ A SPARK TO PIERCE THE DARK
FROM BATTERY PARK
WAY UP TO WASHINGTON HEIGHTS ♪
FROM BATTERY PARK
WAY UP TO WASHINGTON HEIGHTS ♪
♪ SOMEDAY MAYBE ♪
WAY UP TO WASHINGTON HEIGHTS ♪
♪ SOMEDAY MAYBE ♪
♪ ALL MY DREAMS WILL BE REPAID ♪
♪ SOMEDAY MAYBE ♪
♪ ALL MY DREAMS WILL BE REPAID ♪
♪ HELL, I'D EVEN PLAY
♪ ALL MY DREAMS WILL BE REPAID ♪
♪ HELL, I'D EVEN PLAY
THE MAID ♪
♪ HELL, I'D EVEN PLAY
THE MAID ♪
♪ TO BE IN A SHOW ♪
THE MAID ♪
♪ TO BE IN A SHOW ♪
♪ SAY, MR. PRODUCER ♪
♪ TO BE IN A SHOW ♪
♪ SAY, MR. PRODUCER ♪
♪ YEAH? ♪
♪ SAY, MR. PRODUCER ♪
♪ YEAH? ♪
♪ I'M TALKING TO YOU, SIR ♪
♪ YEAH? ♪
♪ I'M TALKING TO YOU, SIR ♪
♪ I DON'T NEED A LOT,
♪ I'M TALKING TO YOU, SIR ♪
♪ I DON'T NEED A LOT,
ONLY WHAT I GOT ♪
♪ I DON'T NEED A LOT,
ONLY WHAT I GOT ♪
♪ PLUS, A TUBE OF GREASEPAINT
ONLY WHAT I GOT ♪
♪ PLUS, A TUBE OF GREASEPAINT
AND A FOLLOW SPOT ♪
♪ PLUS, A TUBE OF GREASEPAINT
AND A FOLLOW SPOT ♪
♪ SOMEDAY MAYBE ♪
AND A FOLLOW SPOT ♪
♪ SOMEDAY MAYBE ♪
♪ IF I STICK IT LONG ENOUGH ♪
♪ SOMEDAY MAYBE ♪
♪ IF I STICK IT LONG ENOUGH ♪
♪ I MIGHT GET
♪ IF I STICK IT LONG ENOUGH ♪
♪ I MIGHT GET
TO STRUT MY STUFF ♪
♪ I MIGHT GET
TO STRUT MY STUFF ♪
♪ IN A BIG... ♪
TO STRUT MY STUFF ♪
♪ IN A BIG... ♪
♪ TIME... ♪
♪ IN A BIG... ♪
♪ TIME... ♪
♪ BROAD... ♪
♪ TIME... ♪
♪ BROAD... ♪
♪ WAY ♪
♪ BROAD... ♪
♪ WAY ♪
♪ I DON'T NEED A LOT ♪
♪ WAY ♪
♪ I DON'T NEED A LOT ♪
♪ ONLY WHAT I'VE GOT ♪
♪ I DON'T NEED A LOT ♪
♪ ONLY WHAT I'VE GOT ♪
♪ PLUS, A TUBE
♪ ONLY WHAT I'VE GOT ♪
♪ PLUS, A TUBE
OF GREASEPAINT ♪
♪ PLUS, A TUBE
OF GREASEPAINT ♪
♪ AND A FOLLOW SPOT ♪
OF GREASEPAINT ♪
♪ AND A FOLLOW SPOT ♪
♪ IN A BIG-TIME
♪ AND A FOLLOW SPOT ♪
♪ IN A BIG-TIME
BROADWAY SHOW ♪
I'M SORRY, MR. AND
MRS. DIONOSOPOLIS, BUT YOUR SON
CAN'T GET ANY CLOSER TO DEATH
MRS. DIONOSOPOLIS, BUT YOUR SON
CAN'T GET ANY CLOSER TO DEATH
THAN HE IS RIGHT NOW.
CAN'T GET ANY CLOSER TO DEATH
THAN HE IS RIGHT NOW.
TOMORROW'S HIS BIRTHDAY.
THAN HE IS RIGHT NOW.
TOMORROW'S HIS BIRTHDAY.
DOCTOR, ISN'T THERE A CHANCE
TOMORROW'S HIS BIRTHDAY.
DOCTOR, ISN'T THERE A CHANCE
THAT BUDDY COULD COME OUT OF
DOCTOR, ISN'T THERE A CHANCE
THAT BUDDY COULD COME OUT OF
THIS COMA?
THAT BUDDY COULD COME OUT OF
THIS COMA?
WELL, LET ME PUT IT THIS
THIS COMA?
WELL, LET ME PUT IT THIS
WAY.
WELL, LET ME PUT IT THIS
WAY.
IF YOU WANT TO GET BUDDY
WAY.
IF YOU WANT TO GET BUDDY
SOMETHING FOR HIS BIRTHDAY, I'D
IF YOU WANT TO GET BUDDY
SOMETHING FOR HIS BIRTHDAY, I'D
SUGGEST MOSS FOR HIS NORTH SIDE.
SOMETHING FOR HIS BIRTHDAY, I'D
SUGGEST MOSS FOR HIS NORTH SIDE.
[CRYING]
SUGGEST MOSS FOR HIS NORTH SIDE.
[CRYING]
HEY!
[CRYING]
HEY!
JUST TRYING TO LIGHTEN THINGS UP
HEY!
JUST TRYING TO LIGHTEN THINGS UP
A LITTLE BIT!
JUST TRYING TO LIGHTEN THINGS UP
A LITTLE BIT!
THANK YOU, DOCTOR.
A LITTLE BIT!
THANK YOU, DOCTOR.
IT'S A GOOD JOKE.
THANK YOU, DOCTOR.
IT'S A GOOD JOKE.
IT IS.
IT'S A GOOD JOKE.
IT IS.
I'M SURE THAT BUDDY WOULD HAVE
IT IS.
I'M SURE THAT BUDDY WOULD HAVE
LAUGHED.
I'M SURE THAT BUDDY WOULD HAVE
LAUGHED.
WELL, I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW
LAUGHED.
WELL, I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW
THAT THE MACHINE THAT KEEPS
WELL, I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW
THAT THE MACHINE THAT KEEPS
BUDDY ALIVE IS COSTING YOU $500
THAT THE MACHINE THAT KEEPS
BUDDY ALIVE IS COSTING YOU $500
A DAY.
BUDDY ALIVE IS COSTING YOU $500
A DAY.
[MONITOR BEEPING]
A DAY.
[MONITOR BEEPING]
I THINK YOU'D BETTER PULL THE
[MONITOR BEEPING]
I THINK YOU'D BETTER PULL THE
PLUG, DOCTOR.
I THINK YOU'D BETTER PULL THE
PLUG, DOCTOR.
BUDDY!
PLUG, DOCTOR.
BUDDY!
NOW YOU HEARD WHAT THE MAN
BUDDY!
NOW YOU HEARD WHAT THE MAN
SAID.
NOW YOU HEARD WHAT THE MAN
SAID.
BUDDY HAS NO MOTOR REFLEXES, HIS
SAID.
BUDDY HAS NO MOTOR REFLEXES, HIS
MIND IS GONE.
BUDDY HAS NO MOTOR REFLEXES, HIS
MIND IS GONE.
DO YOU THINK HE'S HAVING FUN?
MIND IS GONE.
DO YOU THINK HE'S HAVING FUN?
LOOK AT THAT!
DO YOU THINK HE'S HAVING FUN?
LOOK AT THAT!
NOW LISTEN.
LOOK AT THAT!
NOW LISTEN.
ACCORDING TO LAW, I CANNOT
NOW LISTEN.
ACCORDING TO LAW, I CANNOT
DELIBERATELY PULL THE PLUG.
ACCORDING TO LAW, I CANNOT
DELIBERATELY PULL THE PLUG.
I SEE.
DELIBERATELY PULL THE PLUG.
I SEE.
BUT, UH, IF THE PLUG WERE TO,
I SEE.
BUT, UH, IF THE PLUG WERE TO,
UH, "ACCIDENTALLY" BE PULLED
BUT, UH, IF THE PLUG WERE TO,
UH, "ACCIDENTALLY" BE PULLED
FROM THE WALL, I DON'T THINK
UH, "ACCIDENTALLY" BE PULLED
FROM THE WALL, I DON'T THINK
ANYBODY'S GONNA MAKE A FEDERAL
FROM THE WALL, I DON'T THINK
ANYBODY'S GONNA MAKE A FEDERAL
CASE OUT OF IT.
ANYBODY'S GONNA MAKE A FEDERAL
CASE OUT OF IT.
I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT I'M
CASE OUT OF IT.
I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT I'M
TALKING ABOUT, HUH?
I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT I'M
TALKING ABOUT, HUH?
MM-HMM.
TALKING ABOUT, HUH?
MM-HMM.
WELL, I THINK WE SHOULD PROBABLY
MM-HMM.
WELL, I THINK WE SHOULD PROBABLY
JUST PUT HIM OUT OF HIS MISERY.
WELL, I THINK WE SHOULD PROBABLY
JUST PUT HIM OUT OF HIS MISERY.
HONEY!
JUST PUT HIM OUT OF HIS MISERY.
HONEY!
CATHY, I NEVER TOLD YOU THIS,
HONEY!
CATHY, I NEVER TOLD YOU THIS,
BUT ABOUT A YEAR AGO, BUDDY CAME
CATHY, I NEVER TOLD YOU THIS,
BUT ABOUT A YEAR AGO, BUDDY CAME
TO ME, AND HE SAID, "DAD, IF I'M
BUT ABOUT A YEAR AGO, BUDDY CAME
TO ME, AND HE SAID, "DAD, IF I'M
EVER IN A BAD ACCIDENT AT WORK,
TO ME, AND HE SAID, "DAD, IF I'M
EVER IN A BAD ACCIDENT AT WORK,
AND I'M HIT IN THE HEAD WITH A
EVER IN A BAD ACCIDENT AT WORK,
AND I'M HIT IN THE HEAD WITH A
SLEDGEHAMMER AND LAPSE INTO A
AND I'M HIT IN THE HEAD WITH A
SLEDGEHAMMER AND LAPSE INTO A
COMA AND HAVE TO BE KEPT ALIVE
SLEDGEHAMMER AND LAPSE INTO A
COMA AND HAVE TO BE KEPT ALIVE
BY A MACHINE, I WANT TO DIE WITH
COMA AND HAVE TO BE KEPT ALIVE
BY A MACHINE, I WANT TO DIE WITH
DIGNITY.
BY A MACHINE, I WANT TO DIE WITH
DIGNITY.
SO PLEASE PULL THE PLUG."
DIGNITY.
SO PLEASE PULL THE PLUG."
WELL, IF THAT'S THE WAY THAT
SO PLEASE PULL THE PLUG."
WELL, IF THAT'S THE WAY THAT
BUDDY WANTS IT, THEN PULL THE
WELL, IF THAT'S THE WAY THAT
BUDDY WANTS IT, THEN PULL THE
PLUG.
BUDDY WANTS IT, THEN PULL THE
PLUG.
ACCIDENTALLY.
PLUG.
ACCIDENTALLY.
ACCIDENTALLY.
ACCIDENTALLY.
ACCIDENTALLY.
ACCIDENTALLY.
ACCIDENTALLY.
ACCIDENTALLY.
OKAY!
ACCIDENTALLY.
OKAY!
WELL, HEY, I'VE GOT TO
OKAY!
WELL, HEY, I'VE GOT TO
[CLEARS THROAT] RUN UP TO
WELL, HEY, I'VE GOT TO
[CLEARS THROAT] RUN UP TO
SURGERY.
[CLEARS THROAT] RUN UP TO
SURGERY.
I'M KIND OF LATE RIGHT NOW.
SURGERY.
I'M KIND OF LATE RIGHT NOW.
SO I'LL PROBABLY BE TAKING OFF!
I'M KIND OF LATE RIGHT NOW.
SO I'LL PROBABLY BE TAKING OFF!
SEE YOU LATER.
SO I'LL PROBABLY BE TAKING OFF!
SEE YOU LATER.
THEY'RE CALLING ME!
SEE YOU LATER.
THEY'RE CALLING ME!
OH, NO!
THEY'RE CALLING ME!
OH, NO!
MY LEG IS TANGLED IN THE CORD!
OH, NO!
MY LEG IS TANGLED IN THE CORD!
IT COULD CUT OFF THE
MY LEG IS TANGLED IN THE CORD!
IT COULD CUT OFF THE
CIRCULATION!
IT COULD CUT OFF THE
CIRCULATION!
HELP ME!
CIRCULATION!
HELP ME!
OKAY.
HELP ME!
OKAY.
HERE, HERE.
OKAY.
HERE, HERE.
LET ME GET YOUR FOOT OUT.
HERE, HERE.
LET ME GET YOUR FOOT OUT.
YEAH!
LET ME GET YOUR FOOT OUT.
YEAH!
MAYBE WE CAN JUST PULL ON IT.
HI, MOM!
HI, DAD!
I'M NOT IN A COMA ANYMORE!
HI, DAD!
I'M NOT IN A COMA ANYMORE!
BUDDY!
I'M NOT IN A COMA ANYMORE!
BUDDY!
OH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
BUDDY!
OH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WERE YOU PULLING THE PLUG ON ME?
OH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WERE YOU PULLING THE PLUG ON ME?
BUDDY, THE DOCTOR TOLD US YOU
WERE YOU PULLING THE PLUG ON ME?
BUDDY, THE DOCTOR TOLD US YOU
WERE A VEGETABLE.
BUDDY, THE DOCTOR TOLD US YOU
WERE A VEGETABLE.
I, FOR ONE, AM BAFFLED!
WERE A VEGETABLE.
I, FOR ONE, AM BAFFLED!
BUT PULLING THE PLUG?
I, FOR ONE, AM BAFFLED!
BUT PULLING THE PLUG?
HONEY, WE WERE JUST DOING
BUT PULLING THE PLUG?
HONEY, WE WERE JUST DOING
WHAT YOU TOLD YOUR FATHER ABOUT
HONEY, WE WERE JUST DOING
WHAT YOU TOLD YOUR FATHER ABOUT
"DYING WITH DIGNITY," YOU KNOW?
WHAT YOU TOLD YOUR FATHER ABOUT
"DYING WITH DIGNITY," YOU KNOW?
IF YOU EVER GOT HIT IN THE HEAD
"DYING WITH DIGNITY," YOU KNOW?
IF YOU EVER GOT HIT IN THE HEAD
WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER AND HAD TO
IF YOU EVER GOT HIT IN THE HEAD
WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER AND HAD TO
BE KEPT ALIVE BY MACHINES?
WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER AND HAD TO
BE KEPT ALIVE BY MACHINES?
YOU REMEMBER.
BE KEPT ALIVE BY MACHINES?
YOU REMEMBER.
I NEVER SAID ANYTHING LIKE
YOU REMEMBER.
I NEVER SAID ANYTHING LIKE
THAT, MOM.
I NEVER SAID ANYTHING LIKE
THAT, MOM.
OH, YEAH.
THAT, MOM.
OH, YEAH.
YOU REMEMBER, DON'T YOU?
OH, YEAH.
YOU REMEMBER, DON'T YOU?
IT WAS THAT ONE DAY, REMEMBER?
YOU REMEMBER, DON'T YOU?
IT WAS THAT ONE DAY, REMEMBER?
YOU WEREN'T ACTING YOURSELF.
IT WAS THAT ONE DAY, REMEMBER?
YOU WEREN'T ACTING YOURSELF.
YOU WERE REAL STRANGE.
YOU WEREN'T ACTING YOURSELF.
YOU WERE REAL STRANGE.
I THOUGHT, "GEE, THAT'S NOT LIKE
YOU WERE REAL STRANGE.
I THOUGHT, "GEE, THAT'S NOT LIKE
BUDDY, WANTS TO DIE LIKE THAT."
I THOUGHT, "GEE, THAT'S NOT LIKE
BUDDY, WANTS TO DIE LIKE THAT."
BUT I FIGURED, "WHAT THE HECK?
BUDDY, WANTS TO DIE LIKE THAT."
BUT I FIGURED, "WHAT THE HECK?
OKAY."
BUT I FIGURED, "WHAT THE HECK?
OKAY."
YOU SAID IT, THOUGH!
OKAY."
YOU SAID IT, THOUGH!
YOU SAID IT.
YOU SAID IT, THOUGH!
YOU SAID IT.
YOU JUST FORGOT.
YOU SAID IT.
YOU JUST FORGOT.
I PROBABLY FORGOT.
YOU JUST FORGOT.
I PROBABLY FORGOT.
WELL, BUDDY, YOU FEEL GOOD
I PROBABLY FORGOT.
WELL, BUDDY, YOU FEEL GOOD
ENOUGH TO GO HOME?
WELL, BUDDY, YOU FEEL GOOD
ENOUGH TO GO HOME?
I GOT A LITTLE HEADACHE, BUT
ENOUGH TO GO HOME?
I GOT A LITTLE HEADACHE, BUT
I FEEL JUST GREAT!
I GOT A LITTLE HEADACHE, BUT
I FEEL JUST GREAT!
ALL RIGHT.
I FEEL JUST GREAT!
ALL RIGHT.
I'LL FIX YOU A NICE, BIG
ALL RIGHT.
I'LL FIX YOU A NICE, BIG
LUNCH.
I'LL FIX YOU A NICE, BIG
LUNCH.
AND WE'LL GO HUNTING FIRST
LUNCH.
AND WE'LL GO HUNTING FIRST
THING NEXT WEEK, OKAY?
AND WE'LL GO HUNTING FIRST
THING NEXT WEEK, OKAY?
THANKS A LOT, DOCTOR.
THING NEXT WEEK, OKAY?
THANKS A LOT, DOCTOR.
THANKS FOR ALMOST KILLING LITTLE
THANKS A LOT, DOCTOR.
THANKS FOR ALMOST KILLING LITTLE
BUDDY!
THANKS FOR ALMOST KILLING LITTLE
BUDDY!
[DOOR SLAMS]
BUDDY!
[DOOR SLAMS]
WELL, EXCU-U-U-U-U-SE ME!
IN MY HOMETOWN, NEW ORLEANS,
ONE OF THE MOST FAMOUS EATING
PLACES IS BUSTER HOLMES'
ONE OF THE MOST FAMOUS EATING
PLACES IS BUSTER HOLMES'
FABULOUS RESTAURANT ON
PLACES IS BUSTER HOLMES'
FABULOUS RESTAURANT ON
BURGUNDY STREET.
FABULOUS RESTAURANT ON
BURGUNDY STREET.
NOW BUSTER HOLMES COOKS
BURGUNDY STREET.
NOW BUSTER HOLMES COOKS
EVERYTHING SO GOOD, HE'LL MAKE
NOW BUSTER HOLMES COOKS
EVERYTHING SO GOOD, HE'LL MAKE
YOU SMACK YOUR MAMMY.
EVERYTHING SO GOOD, HE'LL MAKE
YOU SMACK YOUR MAMMY.
BUT THERE'S ONE THING
YOU SMACK YOUR MAMMY.
BUT THERE'S ONE THING
BUSTER HOLMES COOKS BETTER THAN
BUT THERE'S ONE THING
BUSTER HOLMES COOKS BETTER THAN
ANYBODY ELSE.
BUSTER HOLMES COOKS BETTER THAN
ANYBODY ELSE.
♪ HOLMES IS THE SPACE
ANYBODY ELSE.
♪ HOLMES IS THE SPACE
DOWN IN NEW ORLEANS
♪ HOLMES IS THE SPACE
DOWN IN NEW ORLEANS
WHERE YOU CAN GET YOUR STOMACH
DOWN IN NEW ORLEANS
WHERE YOU CAN GET YOUR STOMACH
FULL OF RED BEANS AND RICE ♪
WHERE YOU CAN GET YOUR STOMACH
FULL OF RED BEANS AND RICE ♪
♪ FOR 40 CENTS ♪
FULL OF RED BEANS AND RICE ♪
♪ FOR 40 CENTS ♪
THIS IS BUSTER HOLMES, THE
♪ FOR 40 CENTS ♪
THIS IS BUSTER HOLMES, THE
KING OF RED BEANS.
THIS IS BUSTER HOLMES, THE
KING OF RED BEANS.
I HAVE ALL KINDS... HAM
KING OF RED BEANS.
I HAVE ALL KINDS... HAM
SANDWICH, POOR BOYS THAT LONG,
I HAVE ALL KINDS... HAM
SANDWICH, POOR BOYS THAT LONG,
AND BREAD AND BUTTER ANY WAY YOU
SANDWICH, POOR BOYS THAT LONG,
AND BREAD AND BUTTER ANY WAY YOU
WANT IT.
AND BREAD AND BUTTER ANY WAY YOU
WANT IT.
THAT'S TO GO, IF YOU WANT.
WANT IT.
THAT'S TO GO, IF YOU WANT.
HAMBURGERS, WEENIES... ALL THAT
THAT'S TO GO, IF YOU WANT.
HAMBURGERS, WEENIES... ALL THAT
GOING.
HAMBURGERS, WEENIES... ALL THAT
GOING.
TAKE HIS MEALS ON A PLANE.
GOING.
TAKE HIS MEALS ON A PLANE.
LET HIM TRAVEL WITH IT.
TAKE HIS MEALS ON A PLANE.
LET HIM TRAVEL WITH IT.
WE GOT FRIED CHICKEN, MEAT LOAF,
LET HIM TRAVEL WITH IT.
WE GOT FRIED CHICKEN, MEAT LOAF,
AND A HOT SAUSAGE, SMOKED
WE GOT FRIED CHICKEN, MEAT LOAF,
AND A HOT SAUSAGE, SMOKED
SAUSAGE AND A BAKED HAM AND RED
AND A HOT SAUSAGE, SMOKED
SAUSAGE AND A BAKED HAM AND RED
BEANS.
SAUSAGE AND A BAKED HAM AND RED
BEANS.
BEST SOUL FOOD THEY GOT HERE
BEANS.
BEST SOUL FOOD THEY GOT HERE
IN THE QUARTER.
BEST SOUL FOOD THEY GOT HERE
IN THE QUARTER.
PRICES ARE RIGHT, AND I KNOW
IN THE QUARTER.
PRICES ARE RIGHT, AND I KNOW
SOME OF THE PEOPLE THAT COME
PRICES ARE RIGHT, AND I KNOW
SOME OF THE PEOPLE THAT COME
HERE.
SOME OF THE PEOPLE THAT COME
HERE.
I'M HAVING VEGETABLES, BROWN
HERE.
I'M HAVING VEGETABLES, BROWN
GRAVY AND RICE AND MEAT LOAF.
I'M HAVING VEGETABLES, BROWN
GRAVY AND RICE AND MEAT LOAF.
IT'S CALLED REAL SOUL FOOD.
GRAVY AND RICE AND MEAT LOAF.
IT'S CALLED REAL SOUL FOOD.
RIGHT, POP.
IT'S CALLED REAL SOUL FOOD.
RIGHT, POP.
YEAH, EVERYBODY LOVES THESE
RIGHT, POP.
YEAH, EVERYBODY LOVES THESE
RED BEANS.
YEAH, EVERYBODY LOVES THESE
RED BEANS.
MEAT LOAF, MEATBALLS... ANYTHING
RED BEANS.
MEAT LOAF, MEATBALLS... ANYTHING
YOU WANT WITH THEM RED BEANS.
MEAT LOAF, MEATBALLS... ANYTHING
YOU WANT WITH THEM RED BEANS.
I LIKE TO FEED PEOPLE.
YOU WANT WITH THEM RED BEANS.
I LIKE TO FEED PEOPLE.
EVERYBODY LOVES BUSTER'S, AND
I LIKE TO FEED PEOPLE.
EVERYBODY LOVES BUSTER'S, AND
BUSTER LOVES THE PEOPLE, AND HE
EVERYBODY LOVES BUSTER'S, AND
BUSTER LOVES THE PEOPLE, AND HE
KEEP THEM A-GOING.
BUSTER LOVES THE PEOPLE, AND HE
KEEP THEM A-GOING.
ALL THE BREAD AND BUTTER THEY
KEEP THEM A-GOING.
ALL THE BREAD AND BUTTER THEY
WANT WITH THAT SOUL FOOD.
ALL THE BREAD AND BUTTER THEY
WANT WITH THAT SOUL FOOD.
EVERYTHING IS LOVELY HERE THIS
WANT WITH THAT SOUL FOOD.
EVERYTHING IS LOVELY HERE THIS
TIME OF YEAR.
EVERYTHING IS LOVELY HERE THIS
TIME OF YEAR.
Y'ALL COMING IN, BABY?
TIME OF YEAR.
Y'ALL COMING IN, BABY?
COME ON.
Y'ALL COMING IN, BABY?
COME ON.
Y'ALL COMING IN?
COME ON.
Y'ALL COMING IN?
COME ON IN.
Y'ALL COMING IN?
COME ON IN.
COME ON IN.
COME ON IN.
COME ON IN.
GO AHEAD ON IN, BABY.
COME ON IN.
GO AHEAD ON IN, BABY.
HEY!
GO AHEAD ON IN, BABY.
HEY!
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
HEY!
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
OKAY, EVERYTHING IS ALL RIGHT?
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
OKAY, EVERYTHING IS ALL RIGHT?
OKAY.
Announcer: AND NOW IT'S TIME
TO PLAY "HOLLYWOOD BINGO."
SO LET'S BRING OUT YOUR HOST,
TO PLAY "HOLLYWOOD BINGO."
SO LET'S BRING OUT YOUR HOST,
GERN BLANSTON.
SO LET'S BRING OUT YOUR HOST,
GERN BLANSTON.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
GERN BLANSTON.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU, DON PARDO.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU, DON PARDO.
THANK YOU AND GOOD EVENING.
THANK YOU, DON PARDO.
THANK YOU AND GOOD EVENING.
I'M GERN BLANSTON, AND WELCOME
THANK YOU AND GOOD EVENING.
I'M GERN BLANSTON, AND WELCOME
TO "HOLLYWOOD BINGO," WHERE YOU
I'M GERN BLANSTON, AND WELCOME
TO "HOLLYWOOD BINGO," WHERE YOU
MEET THE BIG STARS, GO FOR THE
TO "HOLLYWOOD BINGO," WHERE YOU
MEET THE BIG STARS, GO FOR THE
BIG PRIZES AND THE BIG MONEY.
MEET THE BIG STARS, GO FOR THE
BIG PRIZES AND THE BIG MONEY.
YOU KNOW HOW THE GAME IS PLAYED.
BIG PRIZES AND THE BIG MONEY.
YOU KNOW HOW THE GAME IS PLAYED.
SIX ACROSS, UP AND DOWN...
YOU KNOW HOW THE GAME IS PLAYED.
SIX ACROSS, UP AND DOWN...
[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
SIX ACROSS, UP AND DOWN...
[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
OKAY, NOW LET'S MEET THE STARS.
[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
OKAY, NOW LET'S MEET THE STARS.
HELLO, STARS!
OKAY, NOW LET'S MEET THE STARS.
HELLO, STARS!
All: HELLO, GERN!
HELLO, STARS!
All: HELLO, GERN!
OKAY, ALL THE WAY UP IN THE
All: HELLO, GERN!
OKAY, ALL THE WAY UP IN THE
"B," WHY IT'S THAT LATINO HOT
OKAY, ALL THE WAY UP IN THE
"B," WHY IT'S THAT LATINO HOT
TAMALE, CHARO!
"B," WHY IT'S THAT LATINO HOT
TAMALE, CHARO!
OOH...
TAMALE, CHARO!
OOH...
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
OOH...
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
CHARO WILL BE APPEARING AT
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
CHARO WILL BE APPEARING AT
THE IMPERIAL LAKE TAHOE.
CHARO WILL BE APPEARING AT
THE IMPERIAL LAKE TAHOE.
SAY, IF ANYONE CAN, THE CANDY
THE IMPERIAL LAKE TAHOE.
SAY, IF ANYONE CAN, THE CANDY
MAN CAN, 'CAUSE THE CANDY MAN IS
SAY, IF ANYONE CAN, THE CANDY
MAN CAN, 'CAUSE THE CANDY MAN IS
NONE OTHER THAN I-19,
MAN CAN, 'CAUSE THE CANDY MAN IS
NONE OTHER THAN I-19,
SAMMY DAVIS JR.!
NONE OTHER THAN I-19,
SAMMY DAVIS JR.!
YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME, MAN.
SAMMY DAVIS JR.!
YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME, MAN.
THANK YOU, SAMMY.
YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME, MAN.
THANK YOU, SAMMY.
SAMMY WILL BE OPENING AT THE
THANK YOU, SAMMY.
SAMMY WILL BE OPENING AT THE
DUNE WITH DEAN IN VEGAS.
SAMMY WILL BE OPENING AT THE
DUNE WITH DEAN IN VEGAS.
SAY, HERE'S A CRAZY, KOOKY NUT
DUNE WITH DEAN IN VEGAS.
SAY, HERE'S A CRAZY, KOOKY NUT
WHO SEES THINGS SAMMY'S WAY...
SAY, HERE'S A CRAZY, KOOKY NUT
WHO SEES THINGS SAMMY'S WAY...
SANDY DUNCAN!
WHO SEES THINGS SAMMY'S WAY...
SANDY DUNCAN!
HI, EVERYBODY.
SANDY DUNCAN!
HI, EVERYBODY.
I'LL BE STARRING IN STRATFORD,
HI, EVERYBODY.
I'LL BE STARRING IN STRATFORD,
CONNECTICUT, WHERE I'LL BE
I'LL BE STARRING IN STRATFORD,
CONNECTICUT, WHERE I'LL BE
PLAYING KATE IN "TAMING OF THE
CONNECTICUT, WHERE I'LL BE
PLAYING KATE IN "TAMING OF THE
SHREW."
PLAYING KATE IN "TAMING OF THE
SHREW."
NEXT, THE MAN WHO'S A MOVIE
SHREW."
NEXT, THE MAN WHO'S A MOVIE
STAR, A GOURMET CHEF, ALL-AROUND
NEXT, THE MAN WHO'S A MOVIE
STAR, A GOURMET CHEF, ALL-AROUND
GREAT GUY, G-50, VINCENT PRICE.
STAR, A GOURMET CHEF, ALL-AROUND
GREAT GUY, G-50, VINCENT PRICE.
YOU KNOW I ADORE DOING THE
GREAT GUY, G-50, VINCENT PRICE.
YOU KNOW I ADORE DOING THE
SHOW, GERN, AND I JUST WANT TO
YOU KNOW I ADORE DOING THE
SHOW, GERN, AND I JUST WANT TO
SAY I HAVE A COOKBOOK COMING OUT
SHOW, GERN, AND I JUST WANT TO
SAY I HAVE A COOKBOOK COMING OUT
FROM VIKING PRESS.
SAY I HAVE A COOKBOOK COMING OUT
FROM VIKING PRESS.
IT'S CALLED "THROUGH HIS
FROM VIKING PRESS.
IT'S CALLED "THROUGH HIS
STOMACH."
IT'S CALLED "THROUGH HIS
STOMACH."
HEY, OUR NEXT GAL IS A GREAT,
STOMACH."
HEY, OUR NEXT GAL IS A GREAT,
OLD GAL... THE LOVELY OR
HEY, OUR NEXT GAL IS A GREAT,
OLD GAL... THE LOVELY OR
TALENTED ROSE MARIE.
OLD GAL... THE LOVELY OR
TALENTED ROSE MARIE.
[LAUGHS]
TALENTED ROSE MARIE.
[LAUGHS]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING AFTER THE
[LAUGHS]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING AFTER THE
SHOW?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING AFTER THE
SHOW?
ROSE WILL BE APPEARING ON OLD
SHOW?
ROSE WILL BE APPEARING ON OLD
RERUNS OF THE "DICK VAN DYKE
ROSE WILL BE APPEARING ON OLD
RERUNS OF THE "DICK VAN DYKE
SHOW."
RERUNS OF THE "DICK VAN DYKE
SHOW."
HEY, I LOVE TO KID OUR NEXT
SHOW."
HEY, I LOVE TO KID OUR NEXT
STAR, MR. SHOWBIZ HIMSELF, B-8,
HEY, I LOVE TO KID OUR NEXT
STAR, MR. SHOWBIZ HIMSELF, B-8,
GEORGIE JESSEL.
STAR, MR. SHOWBIZ HIMSELF, B-8,
GEORGIE JESSEL.
IT'S A REAL PLEASURE TO BE
GEORGIE JESSEL.
IT'S A REAL PLEASURE TO BE
HERE, GERN, AND BELIEVE ME, AT
IT'S A REAL PLEASURE TO BE
HERE, GERN, AND BELIEVE ME, AT
MY AGE, IT'S A PLEASURE TO BE
HERE, GERN, AND BELIEVE ME, AT
MY AGE, IT'S A PLEASURE TO BE
ANYWHERE.
MY AGE, IT'S A PLEASURE TO BE
ANYWHERE.
[LAUGHS]
ANYWHERE.
[LAUGHS]
GEORGIE JUST CUT AN ALBUM ON THE
[LAUGHS]
GEORGIE JUST CUT AN ALBUM ON THE
MCA LABEL... "JESSEL DOES IT TO
GEORGIE JUST CUT AN ALBUM ON THE
MCA LABEL... "JESSEL DOES IT TO
JOLSON."
MCA LABEL... "JESSEL DOES IT TO
JOLSON."
HEY, I'M REAL PROUD TO BE ABLE
JOLSON."
HEY, I'M REAL PROUD TO BE ABLE
TO CALL OUR NEXT STAR MY CLOSE
HEY, I'M REAL PROUD TO BE ABLE
TO CALL OUR NEXT STAR MY CLOSE
PERSONAL FRIEND, MR. TELEVISION
TO CALL OUR NEXT STAR MY CLOSE
PERSONAL FRIEND, MR. TELEVISION
HIMSELF, HAL LINDEN.
PERSONAL FRIEND, MR. TELEVISION
HIMSELF, HAL LINDEN.
YOU KNOW, I LOVE
HIMSELF, HAL LINDEN.
YOU KNOW, I LOVE
"BARNEY MILLER," BUT MY REAL
YOU KNOW, I LOVE
"BARNEY MILLER," BUT MY REAL
ROOTS ARE IN THE LEGITIMATE
"BARNEY MILLER," BUT MY REAL
ROOTS ARE IN THE LEGITIMATE
THEATER, AND I...
ROOTS ARE IN THE LEGITIMATE
THEATER, AND I...
GREAT. GREAT, HAL.
THEATER, AND I...
GREAT. GREAT, HAL.
HAL'S HOPING TO DO A GUEST SHOT
GREAT. GREAT, HAL.
HAL'S HOPING TO DO A GUEST SHOT
ON THE McLEAN STEVENSON SHOW
HAL'S HOPING TO DO A GUEST SHOT
ON THE McLEAN STEVENSON SHOW
NEXT YEAR.
ON THE McLEAN STEVENSON SHOW
NEXT YEAR.
GOOD LUCK ON THAT ONE, HAL.
NEXT YEAR.
GOOD LUCK ON THAT ONE, HAL.
HEY, HERE'S A STAR WHO MADE THE
GOOD LUCK ON THAT ONE, HAL.
HEY, HERE'S A STAR WHO MADE THE
SUCCESSFUL TRANSITION FROM
HEY, HERE'S A STAR WHO MADE THE
SUCCESSFUL TRANSITION FROM
MOVIES TO TELEVISION, THE STAR
SUCCESSFUL TRANSITION FROM
MOVIES TO TELEVISION, THE STAR
OF "BARETTA," ROBERT BLAKE.
MOVIES TO TELEVISION, THE STAR
OF "BARETTA," ROBERT BLAKE.
FIVE YEARS AGO, I WOULDN'T
OF "BARETTA," ROBERT BLAKE.
FIVE YEARS AGO, I WOULDN'T
HAVE DONE THIS SHOW ON A DARE.
FIVE YEARS AGO, I WOULDN'T
HAVE DONE THIS SHOW ON A DARE.
I'M DOING IT NOW BECAUSE I GOT A
HAVE DONE THIS SHOW ON A DARE.
I'M DOING IT NOW BECAUSE I GOT A
BIG HIT.
I'M DOING IT NOW BECAUSE I GOT A
BIG HIT.
YOU CAN BANK ON THAT.
BIG HIT.
YOU CAN BANK ON THAT.
"DESE, DEM, DOSE."
YOU CAN BANK ON THAT.
"DESE, DEM, DOSE."
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I HAVE
"DESE, DEM, DOSE."
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I HAVE
TO SAY, IF GOD HAD ANGELS AS
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I HAVE
TO SAY, IF GOD HAD ANGELS AS
PRETTY AS THIS NEXT GUEST, HE
TO SAY, IF GOD HAD ANGELS AS
PRETTY AS THIS NEXT GUEST, HE
WOULDN'T HAVE DIED.
PRETTY AS THIS NEXT GUEST, HE
WOULDN'T HAVE DIED.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
WOULDN'T HAVE DIED.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
FARRAH FAWCETT MAJORS.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
FARRAH FAWCETT MAJORS.
YOU KNOW, FARRAH AND HER HAIR
FARRAH FAWCETT MAJORS.
YOU KNOW, FARRAH AND HER HAIR
WILL BE APPEARING IN SEPARATE
YOU KNOW, FARRAH AND HER HAIR
WILL BE APPEARING IN SEPARATE
CITIES.
WILL BE APPEARING IN SEPARATE
CITIES.
AND NOW A FONZIE LOOK-ALIKE,
CITIES.
AND NOW A FONZIE LOOK-ALIKE,
STEFFY HELLERS, O-67.
AND NOW A FONZIE LOOK-ALIKE,
STEFFY HELLERS, O-67.
OKAY, NOW I DON'T KNOW WHO HE
STEFFY HELLERS, O-67.
OKAY, NOW I DON'T KNOW WHO HE
IS.
OKAY, NOW I DON'T KNOW WHO HE
IS.
OKAY, LET'S SEE, UNDER THE "B."
IS.
OKAY, LET'S SEE, UNDER THE "B."
LET'S WELCOME DRINK MEXICO.
OKAY, LET'S SEE, UNDER THE "B."
LET'S WELCOME DRINK MEXICO.
DRINK IS SORT OF IN THE NATIONAL
LET'S WELCOME DRINK MEXICO.
DRINK IS SORT OF IN THE NATIONAL
TOURING COMPANY OF "MAN WITHOUT
DRINK IS SORT OF IN THE NATIONAL
TOURING COMPANY OF "MAN WITHOUT
A PIN."
TOURING COMPANY OF "MAN WITHOUT
A PIN."
OKAY, NOW THE SENSATIONAL
A PIN."
OKAY, NOW THE SENSATIONAL
SONJA.
OKAY, NOW THE SENSATIONAL
SONJA.
SONJA'S CURRENTLY APPEARING ON
SONJA.
SONJA'S CURRENTLY APPEARING ON
"HOLLYWOOD BINGO."
SONJA'S CURRENTLY APPEARING ON
"HOLLYWOOD BINGO."
OKAY, THAT BRINGS US UP TO THE
"HOLLYWOOD BINGO."
OKAY, THAT BRINGS US UP TO THE
CHARLIE WEAVER MEMORIAL FREE
OKAY, THAT BRINGS US UP TO THE
CHARLIE WEAVER MEMORIAL FREE
SQUARE.
CHARLIE WEAVER MEMORIAL FREE
SQUARE.
AND CHARLIE WILL BE APPEARING...
SQUARE.
AND CHARLIE WILL BE APPEARING...
NOWHERE.
AND CHARLIE WILL BE APPEARING...
NOWHERE.
YOU KNOW, CHARLIE WOULD HAVE
NOWHERE.
YOU KNOW, CHARLIE WOULD HAVE
LOVED THAT JOKE.
YOU KNOW, CHARLIE WOULD HAVE
LOVED THAT JOKE.
NEXT, G-56, A REAL NUN AND A
LOVED THAT JOKE.
NEXT, G-56, A REAL NUN AND A
REAL CAT, TO BOOT... IT'S
NEXT, G-56, A REAL NUN AND A
REAL CAT, TO BOOT... IT'S
SISTER MARY MARGARET MARY, THE
REAL CAT, TO BOOT... IT'S
SISTER MARY MARGARET MARY, THE
NUTTY NUN!
SISTER MARY MARGARET MARY, THE
NUTTY NUN!
HEY, ISN'T SHE FUNNY?
NUTTY NUN!
HEY, ISN'T SHE FUNNY?
O-72... SY BLINKWELL.
HEY, ISN'T SHE FUNNY?
O-72... SY BLINKWELL.
SY WILL UNDERSTUDY RIP TAYLOR IN
O-72... SY BLINKWELL.
SY WILL UNDERSTUDY RIP TAYLOR IN
THE L.A. PRODUCTION OF "DIAL 'N'
SY WILL UNDERSTUDY RIP TAYLOR IN
THE L.A. PRODUCTION OF "DIAL 'N'
FOR NURDER."
THE L.A. PRODUCTION OF "DIAL 'N'
FOR NURDER."
AND UNDER THE "B"... NEVER SAW
FOR NURDER."
AND UNDER THE "B"... NEVER SAW
HIM BEFORE.
AND UNDER THE "B"... NEVER SAW
HIM BEFORE.
DON'T KNOW WHO HE IS.
HIM BEFORE.
DON'T KNOW WHO HE IS.
NEVER SEEN HIM BEFORE.
DON'T KNOW WHO HE IS.
NEVER SEEN HIM BEFORE.
NOT SURE ABOUT HIM, AND WE'RE
NEVER SEEN HIM BEFORE.
NOT SURE ABOUT HIM, AND WE'RE
NOT SURE ABOUT THIS PERSON,
NOT SURE ABOUT HIM, AND WE'RE
NOT SURE ABOUT THIS PERSON,
EITHER, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
NOT SURE ABOUT THIS PERSON,
EITHER, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
BUT WE DO BELIEVE THIS NEXT
EITHER, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
BUT WE DO BELIEVE THIS NEXT
PERSON RIGHT ALONG HERE IS
BUT WE DO BELIEVE THIS NEXT
PERSON RIGHT ALONG HERE IS
WOODY ALLEN'S SISTER.
PERSON RIGHT ALONG HERE IS
WOODY ALLEN'S SISTER.
ALL RIGHT, NOW UNDER THE "B,"
WOODY ALLEN'S SISTER.
ALL RIGHT, NOW UNDER THE "B,"
IT'S GARTH LUDROW, ROAD MANAGER
ALL RIGHT, NOW UNDER THE "B,"
IT'S GARTH LUDROW, ROAD MANAGER
FOR MICKEY DOLENZ.
IT'S GARTH LUDROW, ROAD MANAGER
FOR MICKEY DOLENZ.
NOW I-28, VERN HOOKMAN.
FOR MICKEY DOLENZ.
NOW I-28, VERN HOOKMAN.
VERN JUST FINISHED MAKING
NOW I-28, VERN HOOKMAN.
VERN JUST FINISHED MAKING
"KING KONG," IN WHICH HE PLAYED
VERN JUST FINISHED MAKING
"KING KONG," IN WHICH HE PLAYED
A FRIGHTENED PERSON.
"KING KONG," IN WHICH HE PLAYED
A FRIGHTENED PERSON.
OKAY, SAY HI TO HAROLD.
A FRIGHTENED PERSON.
OKAY, SAY HI TO HAROLD.
HAROLD WILL BE APPEARING BEHIND
OKAY, SAY HI TO HAROLD.
HAROLD WILL BE APPEARING BEHIND
THE MEAT COUNTER WEEKDAYS TILL
HAROLD WILL BE APPEARING BEHIND
THE MEAT COUNTER WEEKDAYS TILL
6:00.
THE MEAT COUNTER WEEKDAYS TILL
6:00.
NOW G-49.
6:00.
NOW G-49.
AND NOW FINALLY O-73... JOANIE
NOW G-49.
AND NOW FINALLY O-73... JOANIE
FROM NEXT DOOR.
AND NOW FINALLY O-73... JOANIE
FROM NEXT DOOR.
JOANIE EATS FOOD.
FROM NEXT DOOR.
JOANIE EATS FOOD.
AND THOSE ARE OUR STARS TONIGHT
JOANIE EATS FOOD.
AND THOSE ARE OUR STARS TONIGHT
ON "HOLLYWOOD BINGO."
AND THOSE ARE OUR STARS TONIGHT
ON "HOLLYWOOD BINGO."
HEY, WE'RE ALL OUT OF TIME.
ON "HOLLYWOOD BINGO."
HEY, WE'RE ALL OUT OF TIME.
DON'T HAVE TIME TO PLAY THE
HEY, WE'RE ALL OUT OF TIME.
DON'T HAVE TIME TO PLAY THE
GAME, BUT TUNE IN NEXT WEEK WHEN
DON'T HAVE TIME TO PLAY THE
GAME, BUT TUNE IN NEXT WEEK WHEN
25 DIFFERENT STARS WILL PLUG 25
GAME, BUT TUNE IN NEXT WEEK WHEN
25 DIFFERENT STARS WILL PLUG 25
DIFFERENT THINGS.
25 DIFFERENT STARS WILL PLUG 25
DIFFERENT THINGS.
GOODBYE, STARS!
THIS WEEK'S HOME MOVIE WAS
SUBMITTED BY THE FRIENDS OF
LILY TOMLIN.
SUBMITTED BY THE FRIENDS OF
LILY TOMLIN.
IT'S ENTITLED FROM "THE BIG
LILY TOMLIN.
IT'S ENTITLED FROM "THE BIG
ORANGE TO THE BIG APPLE."
IT'S ENTITLED FROM "THE BIG
ORANGE TO THE BIG APPLE."
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
YES, WE'RE ON OUR WAY.
WE'RE JUST FILLING UP NOW.
THERE'S A REAL CUTE GUY AT THE
WE'RE JUST FILLING UP NOW.
THERE'S A REAL CUTE GUY AT THE
PUMPS.
THERE'S A REAL CUTE GUY AT THE
PUMPS.
YOU OUGHT TO SEE HIM.
PUMPS.
YOU OUGHT TO SEE HIM.
THE REST OF US ARE PILED IN THE
YOU OUGHT TO SEE HIM.
THE REST OF US ARE PILED IN THE
CAR.
THE REST OF US ARE PILED IN THE
CAR.
IT'S GONNA BE A HORRIBLE TRIP
CAR.
IT'S GONNA BE A HORRIBLE TRIP
FOR ME.
IT'S GONNA BE A HORRIBLE TRIP
FOR ME.
I CAN HARDLY STAND TO ASSOCIATE
FOR ME.
I CAN HARDLY STAND TO ASSOCIATE
WITH MOST OF THEM.
I CAN HARDLY STAND TO ASSOCIATE
WITH MOST OF THEM.
WELL, WE'LL SEE YOU SOON.
WITH MOST OF THEM.
WELL, WE'LL SEE YOU SOON.
I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT
WELL, WE'LL SEE YOU SOON.
I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT
I'M SENDING YOU MY LOVE, AND
I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT
I'M SENDING YOU MY LOVE, AND
I'LL BE BACK SOON, BECAUSE I'M
I'M SENDING YOU MY LOVE, AND
I'LL BE BACK SOON, BECAUSE I'M
SURE SHE'LL GET BAD REVIEWS.
I'LL BE BACK SOON, BECAUSE I'M
SURE SHE'LL GET BAD REVIEWS.
IT'S BOUND TO CLOSE IN TWO OR
SURE SHE'LL GET BAD REVIEWS.
IT'S BOUND TO CLOSE IN TWO OR
THREE DAYS.
IT'S BOUND TO CLOSE IN TWO OR
THREE DAYS.
[SNORTS]
THREE DAYS.
[SNORTS]
HEY, WHERE YOU CHICKS HEADED?
[SNORTS]
HEY, WHERE YOU CHICKS HEADED?
JUST YOU NEVER MIND, BUSTER.
HEY, WHERE YOU CHICKS HEADED?
JUST YOU NEVER MIND, BUSTER.
DIDN'T HE THINK HE WAS GOD'S
JUST YOU NEVER MIND, BUSTER.
DIDN'T HE THINK HE WAS GOD'S
GIFT?
DIDN'T HE THINK HE WAS GOD'S
GIFT?
LET'S SEE NOW.
GIFT?
LET'S SEE NOW.
DO WE HAVE EVERYTHING?
LET'S SEE NOW.
DO WE HAVE EVERYTHING?
PORTABLE CLOTHESLINE, RICE
DO WE HAVE EVERYTHING?
PORTABLE CLOTHESLINE, RICE
PACKAGES, TANG, SNAKE-BITE KIT,
PORTABLE CLOTHESLINE, RICE
PACKAGES, TANG, SNAKE-BITE KIT,
FLASHLIGHT AND FLARES, SANITIZED
PACKAGES, TANG, SNAKE-BITE KIT,
FLASHLIGHT AND FLARES, SANITIZED
TOILET-SEAT COVER.
FLASHLIGHT AND FLARES, SANITIZED
TOILET-SEAT COVER.
DID YOU BRING THOSE, SUZIE?
TOILET-SEAT COVER.
DID YOU BRING THOSE, SUZIE?
BAND-AIDS, WATERPROOF MATCHES,
DID YOU BRING THOSE, SUZIE?
BAND-AIDS, WATERPROOF MATCHES,
LIE-DETECTOR KIT, COMPASS,
BAND-AIDS, WATERPROOF MATCHES,
LIE-DETECTOR KIT, COMPASS,
POTATO CHIPS, SUNGLASSES,
LIE-DETECTOR KIT, COMPASS,
POTATO CHIPS, SUNGLASSES,
DRIVER'S LICENSE IS IN MY PURSE,
POTATO CHIPS, SUNGLASSES,
DRIVER'S LICENSE IS IN MY PURSE,
AND SUGARLESS GUM.
DRIVER'S LICENSE IS IN MY PURSE,
AND SUGARLESS GUM.
EVERYBODY READY?
AND SUGARLESS GUM.
EVERYBODY READY?
LET'S GO.
EVERYBODY READY?
LET'S GO.
EDITH, SIT DOWN.
LET'S GO.
EDITH, SIT DOWN.
HEY, HEY!
EDITH, SIT DOWN.
HEY, HEY!
YOU GOING TO NEW YORK?
HEY, HEY!
YOU GOING TO NEW YORK?
I'M GOING WITH YOU!
YOU GOING TO NEW YORK?
I'M GOING WITH YOU!
[GASPS]
I'M GOING WITH YOU!
[GASPS]
I COULD JUST BARF!
[GASPS]
I COULD JUST BARF!
YOU HOLD THIS!
I COULD JUST BARF!
YOU HOLD THIS!
THIS WOULD BE A GOOD THING TO
YOU HOLD THIS!
THIS WOULD BE A GOOD THING TO
TAKE A TRIP IN.
THIS WOULD BE A GOOD THING TO
TAKE A TRIP IN.
WHAT?
TAKE A TRIP IN.
WHAT?
I REALLY LIKE THIS CAR.
WHAT?
I REALLY LIKE THIS CAR.
LOOK.
I REALLY LIKE THIS CAR.
LOOK.
YOU CAN SEE MY PICTURE IN IT.
LOOK.
YOU CAN SEE MY PICTURE IN IT.
I COULD SEE MY FACE EVERYWHERE.
YOU CAN SEE MY PICTURE IN IT.
I COULD SEE MY FACE EVERYWHERE.
HOW YOU DOING?
I COULD SEE MY FACE EVERYWHERE.
HOW YOU DOING?
HOW YOU DOING?
HOW YOU DOING?
HOW YOU DOING?
GIVE HER SOME MONEY.
HOW YOU DOING?
GIVE HER SOME MONEY.
DON'T GIVE HER A RIDE.
GIVE HER SOME MONEY.
DON'T GIVE HER A RIDE.
MOVE OVER.
DON'T GIVE HER A RIDE.
MOVE OVER.
I'M READY TO GO.
MOVE OVER.
I'M READY TO GO.
OH!
I'M READY TO GO.
OH!
[HORN HONKS]
OH!
[HORN HONKS]
OKAY, JUST BE QUIET A MINUTE.
[HORN HONKS]
OKAY, JUST BE QUIET A MINUTE.
I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
OKAY, JUST BE QUIET A MINUTE.
I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
HELLO. PARDON ME.
I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
HELLO. PARDON ME.
DO YOU HAVE PRINCE ALBERT IN A
HELLO. PARDON ME.
DO YOU HAVE PRINCE ALBERT IN A
CAN?
DO YOU HAVE PRINCE ALBERT IN A
CAN?
WELL, YOU BETTER LET HIM OUT
CAN?
WELL, YOU BETTER LET HIM OUT
BEFORE HE SMOTHERS TO DEATH.
WELL, YOU BETTER LET HIM OUT
BEFORE HE SMOTHERS TO DEATH.
[SNORTS]
BEFORE HE SMOTHERS TO DEATH.
[SNORTS]
♪ FOUND A PEANUT,
[SNORTS]
♪ FOUND A PEANUT,
FOUND A PEANUT,
♪ FOUND A PEANUT,
FOUND A PEANUT,
FOUND A PEANUT JUST NOW ♪
FOUND A PEANUT,
FOUND A PEANUT JUST NOW ♪
♪ I JUST NOW FOUND A PEANUT ♪
FOUND A PEANUT JUST NOW ♪
♪ I JUST NOW FOUND A PEANUT ♪
♪ FOUND A PEANUT JUST NOW ♪
♪ I JUST NOW FOUND A PEANUT ♪
♪ FOUND A PEANUT JUST NOW ♪
♪ CRACKED IT OPEN,
♪ FOUND A PEANUT JUST NOW ♪
♪ CRACKED IT OPEN,
CRACKED IT OPEN,
♪ CRACKED IT OPEN,
CRACKED IT OPEN,
CRACKED IT OPEN JUST NOW ♪
CRACKED IT OPEN,
CRACKED IT OPEN JUST NOW ♪
♪ I JUST NOW CRACKED IT OPEN ♪
CRACKED IT OPEN JUST NOW ♪
♪ I JUST NOW CRACKED IT OPEN ♪
♪ CRACKED IT OPEN JUST NOW ♪
♪ I JUST NOW CRACKED IT OPEN ♪
♪ CRACKED IT OPEN JUST NOW ♪
♪ ATE IT ANY... ♪
♪ CRACKED IT OPEN JUST NOW ♪
♪ ATE IT ANY... ♪
♪ FOUND IT ROTTEN,
♪ ATE IT ANY... ♪
♪ FOUND IT ROTTEN,
FOUND IT ROTTEN,
♪ FOUND IT ROTTEN,
FOUND IT ROTTEN,
FOUND IT ROTTEN JUST NOW ♪
FOUND IT ROTTEN,
FOUND IT ROTTEN JUST NOW ♪
♪ I JUST NOW FOUND IT ROTTEN ♪
FOUND IT ROTTEN JUST NOW ♪
♪ I JUST NOW FOUND IT ROTTEN ♪
♪ FOUND IT ROTTEN RIGHT NOW ♪
♪ I JUST NOW FOUND IT ROTTEN ♪
♪ FOUND IT ROTTEN RIGHT NOW ♪
[SIGHS]
♪ FOUND IT ROTTEN RIGHT NOW ♪
[SIGHS]
THIS IS SORT OF A DREAM COME
[SIGHS]
THIS IS SORT OF A DREAM COME
TRUE FOR ME, JUDITH.
THIS IS SORT OF A DREAM COME
TRUE FOR ME, JUDITH.
MRS. BEASLEY?
TRUE FOR ME, JUDITH.
MRS. BEASLEY?
THIS IS SORT OF A DREAM COME
MRS. BEASLEY?
THIS IS SORT OF A DREAM COME
TRUE FOR ME.
THIS IS SORT OF A DREAM COME
TRUE FOR ME.
I MEAN, GOING TO BROADWAY, GOING
TRUE FOR ME.
I MEAN, GOING TO BROADWAY, GOING
TO NEW YORK.
I MEAN, GOING TO BROADWAY, GOING
TO NEW YORK.
I'VE PLAYED EVERY TOWN AND EVERY
TO NEW YORK.
I'VE PLAYED EVERY TOWN AND EVERY
BURGH ACROSS THIS COUNTRY.
I'VE PLAYED EVERY TOWN AND EVERY
BURGH ACROSS THIS COUNTRY.
[HUMMING TO "GIVE MY REGARDS
BURGH ACROSS THIS COUNTRY.
[HUMMING TO "GIVE MY REGARDS
TO BROADWAY"]
[HUMMING TO "GIVE MY REGARDS
TO BROADWAY"]
AND I HAVEN'T ALWAYS BEEN ON THE
[TO BROADWAY"]
AND I HAVEN'T ALWAYS BEEN ON THE
TOP OF THE BILL, EITHER.
AND I HAVEN'T ALWAYS BEEN ON THE
TOP OF THE BILL, EITHER.
HEY!
TOP OF THE BILL, EITHER.
HEY!
HEY, HERE'S A GIRL.
HEY!
HEY, HERE'S A GIRL.
SHE'S GOING THE SAME PLACE WE'RE
HEY, HERE'S A GIRL.
SHE'S GOING THE SAME PLACE WE'RE
GOING!
SHE'S GOING THE SAME PLACE WE'RE
GOING!
HEY, COME ON!
GOING!
HEY, COME ON!
WE'LL GIVE YOU A LIFT!
HEY, COME ON!
WE'LL GIVE YOU A LIFT!
WE'LL GIVE YOU A LIFT!
WE'LL GIVE YOU A LIFT!
WE'LL GIVE YOU A LIFT!
I WANT TO GO FOR A RIDE IN YOUR
WE'LL GIVE YOU A LIFT!
I WANT TO GO FOR A RIDE IN YOUR
CHAIR.
I WANT TO GO FOR A RIDE IN YOUR
CHAIR.
HEY, I WAS GETTING A SUNBURN.
CHAIR.
HEY, I WAS GETTING A SUNBURN.
MY NAME'S TESS.
HEY, I WAS GETTING A SUNBURN.
MY NAME'S TESS.
HOW YOU DOING?
MY NAME'S TESS.
HOW YOU DOING?
I'M CRYSTAL, THE TERRIBLE
HOW YOU DOING?
I'M CRYSTAL, THE TERRIBLE
TUMBLEWEED.
I'M CRYSTAL, THE TERRIBLE
TUMBLEWEED.
WHY CAN'T SOMEONE LIKE THAT
TUMBLEWEED.
WHY CAN'T SOMEONE LIKE THAT
JUST STAY HOME?
WHY CAN'T SOMEONE LIKE THAT
JUST STAY HOME?
LET ME GET A BETTER LOOK AT
JUST STAY HOME?
LET ME GET A BETTER LOOK AT
YOU.
LET ME GET A BETTER LOOK AT
YOU.
WELL, YOU'RE AN INTERESTING
YOU.
WELL, YOU'RE AN INTERESTING
GROUP.
WELL, YOU'RE AN INTERESTING
GROUP.
[LAUGHTER]
GROUP.
[LAUGHTER]
♪ FOUND A PEANUT,
[LAUGHTER]
♪ FOUND A PEANUT,
FOUND A PEANUT,
♪ FOUND A PEANUT,
FOUND A PEANUT,
FOUND A PEANUT JUST NOW ♪
FOUND A PEANUT,
FOUND A PEANUT JUST NOW ♪
♪ I JUST NOW FOUND A PEANUT ♪
FOUND A PEANUT JUST NOW ♪
♪ I JUST NOW FOUND A PEANUT ♪
♪ FOUND A PEANUT JUST NOW ♪
♪ I JUST NOW FOUND A PEANUT ♪
♪ FOUND A PEANUT JUST NOW ♪
♪ FOUND IT ON THE FLOOR,
♪ FOUND A PEANUT JUST NOW ♪
♪ FOUND IT ON THE FLOOR,
FOUND IT ON THE FLOOR,
♪ FOUND IT ON THE FLOOR,
FOUND IT ON THE FLOOR,
FOUND IT ON THE FLOOR JUST NOW ♪
HELLO.
I'M ALEX HALEY.
SLAVERY... PRACTICED IN THIS
I'M ALEX HALEY.
SLAVERY... PRACTICED IN THIS
COUNTRY FROM 1609 TO 1865 OR
SLAVERY... PRACTICED IN THIS
COUNTRY FROM 1609 TO 1865 OR
'70, A TIME IN THIS COUNTRY'S
COUNTRY FROM 1609 TO 1865 OR
'70, A TIME IN THIS COUNTRY'S
HISTORY THAT MOST PEOPLE WOULD
'70, A TIME IN THIS COUNTRY'S
HISTORY THAT MOST PEOPLE WOULD
JUST AS SOON FORGET, AND ALMOST
HISTORY THAT MOST PEOPLE WOULD
JUST AS SOON FORGET, AND ALMOST
EVERYBODY DID UNTIL ABC PRODUCED
JUST AS SOON FORGET, AND ALMOST
EVERYBODY DID UNTIL ABC PRODUCED
A TV VERSION OF MY BOOK,
EVERYBODY DID UNTIL ABC PRODUCED
A TV VERSION OF MY BOOK,
"ROOTS."
A TV VERSION OF MY BOOK,
"ROOTS."
80 MILLION PEOPLE VIEWED THE
"ROOTS."
80 MILLION PEOPLE VIEWED THE
FINAL EPISODE, AND IN ONE WEEK
80 MILLION PEOPLE VIEWED THE
FINAL EPISODE, AND IN ONE WEEK
ABC SOLD $61 MILLION IN
FINAL EPISODE, AND IN ONE WEEK
ABC SOLD $61 MILLION IN
ADVERTISING.
ABC SOLD $61 MILLION IN
ADVERTISING.
AND THE NEXT MORNING, THIS WHITE
ADVERTISING.
AND THE NEXT MORNING, THIS WHITE
DUDE FROM NBC CALLS ME... I
AND THE NEXT MORNING, THIS WHITE
DUDE FROM NBC CALLS ME... I
MEAN, THIS REALLY WHITE DUDE,
DUDE FROM NBC CALLS ME... I
MEAN, THIS REALLY WHITE DUDE,
MAN.
MEAN, THIS REALLY WHITE DUDE,
MAN.
HE SAYS, "WE WANT 'ROOTS II.'"
MAN.
HE SAYS, "WE WANT 'ROOTS II.'"
SO I SAY, "LIKE, MAN, I ALREADY
HE SAYS, "WE WANT 'ROOTS II.'"
SO I SAY, "LIKE, MAN, I ALREADY
DID IT.
SO I SAY, "LIKE, MAN, I ALREADY
DID IT.
I'M FRESH OUT OF RELATIVES."
DID IT.
I'M FRESH OUT OF RELATIVES."
SO HE SAYS, "WE'LL PAY YOU
I'M FRESH OUT OF RELATIVES."
SO HE SAYS, "WE'LL PAY YOU
$3 MILLION."
SO HE SAYS, "WE'LL PAY YOU
$3 MILLION."
SO I SAY, "DAMN, IF I AIN'T GOT
$3 MILLION."
SO I SAY, "DAMN, IF I AIN'T GOT
A GREAT-GREAT GRANDPA I FORGOT
SO I SAY, "DAMN, IF I AIN'T GOT
A GREAT-GREAT GRANDPA I FORGOT
ALL ABOUT."
A GREAT-GREAT GRANDPA I FORGOT
ALL ABOUT."
LIKE, MAN, THIS IS A SAD, SAD
ALL ABOUT."
LIKE, MAN, THIS IS A SAD, SAD
STORY.
LIKE, MAN, THIS IS A SAD, SAD
STORY.
WHEN THEY CAME HERE, THEY DIDN'T
STORY.
WHEN THEY CAME HERE, THEY DIDN'T
HAVE NO MONEY AT ALL.
WHEN THEY CAME HERE, THEY DIDN'T
HAVE NO MONEY AT ALL.
IT TOOK ME 12 YEARS TO WRITE THE
HAVE NO MONEY AT ALL.
IT TOOK ME 12 YEARS TO WRITE THE
FIRST ONE, BUT I HAD TO DO A
IT TOOK ME 12 YEARS TO WRITE THE
FIRST ONE, BUT I HAD TO DO A
RUSH JOB ON THIS ONE.
FIRST ONE, BUT I HAD TO DO A
RUSH JOB ON THIS ONE.
I DID IT IN FOUR DAYS.
RUSH JOB ON THIS ONE.
I DID IT IN FOUR DAYS.
NOW, IT'S A LITTLE BIT RUSHED,
I DID IT IN FOUR DAYS.
NOW, IT'S A LITTLE BIT RUSHED,
BUT HERE IT BE.
NOW, IT'S A LITTLE BIT RUSHED,
BUT HERE IT BE.
I PROUDLY PRESENT "ROOTS II."
BUT HERE IT BE.
I PROUDLY PRESENT "ROOTS II."
["ROOTS" THEME PLAYS]
MAN, YOU GOT TO LEARN THIS
LANGUAGE IF YOU'RE GONNA GET BY,
MAN.
LANGUAGE IF YOU'RE GONNA GET BY,
MAN.
NOW, WHAT'S THIS OVER HERE?
MAN.
NOW, WHAT'S THIS OVER HERE?
THAT BE A WINDOW.
NOW, WHAT'S THIS OVER HERE?
THAT BE A WINDOW.
RIGHT.
THAT BE A WINDOW.
RIGHT.
NOW, WHAT'S THAT, RIGHT OVER
RIGHT.
NOW, WHAT'S THAT, RIGHT OVER
THERE?
NOW, WHAT'S THAT, RIGHT OVER
THERE?
THAT'S A HORSE.
THERE?
THAT'S A HORSE.
ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S A HORSE.
ALL RIGHT.
I'M TIRED OF THIS.
ALL RIGHT.
I'M TIRED OF THIS.
NO CRAZY CRACKER'S GONNA SELL
I'M TIRED OF THIS.
NO CRAZY CRACKER'S GONNA SELL
THE SON OF A MANDINKO WARRIOR.
NO CRAZY CRACKER'S GONNA SELL
THE SON OF A MANDINKO WARRIOR.
I AM BOP-SHU-WOP, SON OF
THE SON OF A MANDINKO WARRIOR.
I AM BOP-SHU-WOP, SON OF
SHA-NA-NA, GRANDSON OF THE GREAT
I AM BOP-SHU-WOP, SON OF
SHA-NA-NA, GRANDSON OF THE GREAT
HOLY MAN, SHA-BOOM, SHA-BOOM.
SHA-NA-NA, GRANDSON OF THE GREAT
HOLY MAN, SHA-BOOM, SHA-BOOM.
WELL, THESE CATS DON'T GO FOR
HOLY MAN, SHA-BOOM, SHA-BOOM.
WELL, THESE CATS DON'T GO FOR
NONE OF THAT JUNGLE JABBER, SO
WELL, THESE CATS DON'T GO FOR
NONE OF THAT JUNGLE JABBER, SO
YOU BETTER QUIT TALKING LIKE
NONE OF THAT JUNGLE JABBER, SO
YOU BETTER QUIT TALKING LIKE
THAT.
YOU BETTER QUIT TALKING LIKE
THAT.
THEY'LL CUT OUT YOUR TONGUE.
THAT.
THEY'LL CUT OUT YOUR TONGUE.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
THEY'LL CUT OUT YOUR TONGUE.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
NOW, WHAT'S THAT, RIGHT OVER
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
NOW, WHAT'S THAT, RIGHT OVER
THERE?
NOW, WHAT'S THAT, RIGHT OVER
THERE?
OH, THAT BE A SPOON.
THERE?
OH, THAT BE A SPOON.
NO.
OH, THAT BE A SPOON.
NO.
THAT BE A BARREL.
NO.
THAT BE A BARREL.
NO.
THAT BE A BARREL.
NO.
THAT BE A LIGHTNING STICK
NO.
THAT BE A LIGHTNING STICK
THEY'LL BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF WITH,
THAT BE A LIGHTNING STICK
THEY'LL BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF WITH,
YOU TRY TO RUN AWAY.
THEY'LL BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF WITH,
YOU TRY TO RUN AWAY.
NOW, WHAT'S THIS, RIGHT HERE?
YOU TRY TO RUN AWAY.
NOW, WHAT'S THIS, RIGHT HERE?
THAT?
NOW, WHAT'S THIS, RIGHT HERE?
THAT?
OH!
THAT?
OH!
Both: THAT BE AN OLD ONE!
OH!
Both: THAT BE AN OLD ONE!
GIVE ME THAT LONG SOUL.
Both: THAT BE AN OLD ONE!
GIVE ME THAT LONG SOUL.
HEY.
GIVE ME THAT LONG SOUL.
HEY.
AAH!
HEY.
AAH!
OH, MAN!
AAH!
OH, MAN!
NO, MAN, YOU GOT TO UNLOCK MY
OH, MAN!
NO, MAN, YOU GOT TO UNLOCK MY
FACE FIRST.
NO, MAN, YOU GOT TO UNLOCK MY
FACE FIRST.
THANK YOU.
FACE FIRST.
THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY COME ON
THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY COME ON
OUT FOR NAME CHANGING.
ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY COME ON
OUT FOR NAME CHANGING.
COME ON OUT HERE.
OUT FOR NAME CHANGING.
COME ON OUT HERE.
YOU, COME OUT HERE.
COME ON OUT HERE.
YOU, COME OUT HERE.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME, BOY?
YOU, COME OUT HERE.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME, BOY?
MY NAME IS BOP-SHU-WOP.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME, BOY?
MY NAME IS BOP-SHU-WOP.
WELL, FROM NOW ON YOUR NAME
MY NAME IS BOP-SHU-WOP.
WELL, FROM NOW ON YOUR NAME
IS... PEGGY FLEMING.
WELL, FROM NOW ON YOUR NAME
IS... PEGGY FLEMING.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
IS... PEGGY FLEMING.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
BOP-SHU-WOP.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
BOP-SHU-WOP.
PEGGY FLEMING!
BOP-SHU-WOP.
PEGGY FLEMING!
AAH!
PEGGY FLEMING!
AAH!
BOP-SHU-WOP.
AAH!
BOP-SHU-WOP.
PEGGY FLEMING!
BOP-SHU-WOP.
PEGGY FLEMING!
OW!
PEGGY FLEMING!
OW!
[Quickly] BOP-SHU-WOP.
OW!
[Quickly] BOP-SHU-WOP.
AAH!
[Quickly] BOP-SHU-WOP.
AAH!
WHAT ABOUT... 'CAUSE EVERYBODY
AAH!
WHAT ABOUT... 'CAUSE EVERYBODY
CALLS ME "THE DOCTOR."
WHAT ABOUT... 'CAUSE EVERYBODY
CALLS ME "THE DOCTOR."
OW, OW!
CALLS ME "THE DOCTOR."
OW, OW!
OW-OW-OW-OW!
OW, OW!
OW-OW-OW-OW!
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.
OW-OW-OW-OW!
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.
OKAY.
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.
OKAY.
PEGGY FLEMING.
OKAY.
PEGGY FLEMING.
THAT DO HAVE A NICE RING TO IT.
PEGGY FLEMING.
THAT DO HAVE A NICE RING TO IT.
OKAY.
THAT DO HAVE A NICE RING TO IT.
OKAY.
COME ON UP HERE.
OKAY.
COME ON UP HERE.
SEE, LOOKY HERE.
COME ON UP HERE.
SEE, LOOKY HERE.
MAMA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING AFTER
SEE, LOOKY HERE.
MAMA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING AFTER
THE SHOW?
MAMA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING AFTER
THE SHOW?
OH, UM, I'VE DONE A LOT OF
THE SHOW?
OH, UM, I'VE DONE A LOT OF
KIDDING, BUT, SERIOUSLY, MY
OH, UM, I'VE DONE A LOT OF
KIDDING, BUT, SERIOUSLY, MY
FAMILY TREE IS NOW THE PRIDE OF
KIDDING, BUT, SERIOUSLY, MY
FAMILY TREE IS NOW THE PRIDE OF
MY LIFE.
FAMILY TREE IS NOW THE PRIDE OF
MY LIFE.
MY GREAT-GREAT GRANDMOTHER WAS
MY LIFE.
MY GREAT-GREAT GRANDMOTHER WAS
LESLIE UGGAMS, WHO ALMOST
MY GREAT-GREAT GRANDMOTHER WAS
LESLIE UGGAMS, WHO ALMOST
MARRIED THE GUY FROM "WELCOME
LESLIE UGGAMS, WHO ALMOST
MARRIED THE GUY FROM "WELCOME
BACK, KOTTER."
MARRIED THE GUY FROM "WELCOME
BACK, KOTTER."
AND HER FATHER WAS JOHN AMOS,
BACK, KOTTER."
AND HER FATHER WAS JOHN AMOS,
WHO MARRIED FLORIDA, WHO USED TO
AND HER FATHER WAS JOHN AMOS,
WHO MARRIED FLORIDA, WHO USED TO
WORK FOR MAUDE.
WHO MARRIED FLORIDA, WHO USED TO
WORK FOR MAUDE.
AND THEN THEY GOT THEIR SERIES,
WORK FOR MAUDE.
AND THEN THEY GOT THEIR SERIES,
AND THEY GAVE BIRTH TO
AND THEN THEY GOT THEIR SERIES,
AND THEY GAVE BIRTH TO
J.J. WALKER.
AND THEY GAVE BIRTH TO
J.J. WALKER.
AND MY GREAT-GREAT UNCLE WAS
J.J. WALKER.
AND MY GREAT-GREAT UNCLE WAS
THALMUS RUSSELL LALA, WHO KNEW
AND MY GREAT-GREAT UNCLE WAS
THALMUS RUSSELL LALA, WHO KNEW
O.J. SIMPSON IN THE OLD COUNTRY,
THALMUS RUSSELL LALA, WHO KNEW
O.J. SIMPSON IN THE OLD COUNTRY,
WHO WAS A GREAT UNCLE TO
O.J. SIMPSON IN THE OLD COUNTRY,
WHO WAS A GREAT UNCLE TO
BEN VEREEN, WHO RAN AWAY FROM
WHO WAS A GREAT UNCLE TO
BEN VEREEN, WHO RAN AWAY FROM
LLOYD BRIDGES.
BEN VEREEN, WHO RAN AWAY FROM
LLOYD BRIDGES.
IT'S A CHECKERED PAST.
LLOYD BRIDGES.
IT'S A CHECKERED PAST.
IMAGINE ME BEING RELATED TO
IT'S A CHECKERED PAST.
IMAGINE ME BEING RELATED TO
J.J. WALKER.
IMAGINE ME BEING RELATED TO
J.J. WALKER.
DYN-O-MITE!
J.J. WALKER.
DYN-O-MITE!
["ROOTS" THEME PLAYS]
DYN-O-MITE!
["ROOTS" THEME PLAYS]
THEY'RE SELLING GREAT-GREAT
["ROOTS" THEME PLAYS]
THEY'RE SELLING GREAT-GREAT
GRANDPA RIGHT NOW.
THEY'RE SELLING GREAT-GREAT
GRANDPA RIGHT NOW.
I WANT TO SEE THIS.
GRANDPA RIGHT NOW.
I WANT TO SEE THIS.
HELLO, AGAIN, EVERYBODY.
I WANT TO SEE THIS.
HELLO, AGAIN, EVERYBODY.
IT'S TRADING TIME AGAIN.
HELLO, AGAIN, EVERYBODY.
IT'S TRADING TIME AGAIN.
I'M YOUR FRIEND, LENNY DUCKMAN,
IT'S TRADING TIME AGAIN.
I'M YOUR FRIEND, LENNY DUCKMAN,
AND I HOPE I'M GOING TO HELP YOU
I'M YOUR FRIEND, LENNY DUCKMAN,
AND I HOPE I'M GOING TO HELP YOU
OUT TODAY.
AND I HOPE I'M GOING TO HELP YOU
OUT TODAY.
YOU SAY YOU NEED SOME HEAVY
OUT TODAY.
YOU SAY YOU NEED SOME HEAVY
YARD WORK DONE?
YOU SAY YOU NEED SOME HEAVY
YARD WORK DONE?
WELL, TALK TO ME.
YARD WORK DONE?
WELL, TALK TO ME.
THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE FOR.
WELL, TALK TO ME.
THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE FOR.
IF I CAN'T HELP YOU, I'LL STILL
THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE FOR.
IF I CAN'T HELP YOU, I'LL STILL
GIVE YOU THIS FREE NUTCRACKER
IF I CAN'T HELP YOU, I'LL STILL
GIVE YOU THIS FREE NUTCRACKER
JUST FOR SEEING ME FIRST.
GIVE YOU THIS FREE NUTCRACKER
JUST FOR SEEING ME FIRST.
LOOK AT THIS HANDSOME MODEL
JUST FOR SEEING ME FIRST.
LOOK AT THIS HANDSOME MODEL
RIGHT HERE.
LOOK AT THIS HANDSOME MODEL
RIGHT HERE.
IT'S 25-YEAR-OLD BUBOOZOO...
RIGHT HERE.
IT'S 25-YEAR-OLD BUBOOZOO...
GREAT TEETH, GREAT SPIRIT.
IT'S 25-YEAR-OLD BUBOOZOO...
GREAT TEETH, GREAT SPIRIT.
WAS $800, NOW ONLY $599.
GREAT TEETH, GREAT SPIRIT.
WAS $800, NOW ONLY $599.
A 22-YEAR-OLD WARRIOR NOW ONLY
WAS $800, NOW ONLY $599.
A 22-YEAR-OLD WARRIOR NOW ONLY
$499.
A 22-YEAR-OLD WARRIOR NOW ONLY
$499.
AND OUR PRIZE MODEL TODAY, AN
$499.
AND OUR PRIZE MODEL TODAY, AN
18-YEAR-OLD FULLY EQUIPPED
AND OUR PRIZE MODEL TODAY, AN
18-YEAR-OLD FULLY EQUIPPED
MANDINKO WARRIOR... ONLY $599.
18-YEAR-OLD FULLY EQUIPPED
MANDINKO WARRIOR... ONLY $599.
THROW AWAY THE STICKER PRICE.
MANDINKO WARRIOR... ONLY $599.
THROW AWAY THE STICKER PRICE.
MAKE ME AN OFFER.
THROW AWAY THE STICKER PRICE.
MAKE ME AN OFFER.
WELL, JUST HOW EQUIPPED IS
MAKE ME AN OFFER.
WELL, JUST HOW EQUIPPED IS
THIS WELL-EQUIPPED ONE?
WELL, JUST HOW EQUIPPED IS
THIS WELL-EQUIPPED ONE?
SEE, I'M LOOKING FOR SOMETHING
THIS WELL-EQUIPPED ONE?
SEE, I'M LOOKING FOR SOMETHING
FOR MY SUMMER HOME.
SEE, I'M LOOKING FOR SOMETHING
FOR MY SUMMER HOME.
I ENTERTAIN A LOT.
FOR MY SUMMER HOME.
I ENTERTAIN A LOT.
HEY, BROWN SUGAR, YOU WANT TO
I ENTERTAIN A LOT.
HEY, BROWN SUGAR, YOU WANT TO
SEE WHERE THE HORSE BIT ME?
HEY, BROWN SUGAR, YOU WANT TO
SEE WHERE THE HORSE BIT ME?
OOH, CAREFUL THERE, MA'AM.
SEE WHERE THE HORSE BIT ME?
OOH, CAREFUL THERE, MA'AM.
HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!
OOH, CAREFUL THERE, MA'AM.
HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!
NICE TO HANDLE, NICE TO HOLD,
HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!
NICE TO HANDLE, NICE TO HOLD,
BUT IF YOU SCRATCH HIM, MARK
NICE TO HANDLE, NICE TO HOLD,
BUT IF YOU SCRATCH HIM, MARK
HIM SOLD!
BUT IF YOU SCRATCH HIM, MARK
HIM SOLD!
I JUST LOVE HIM.
HIM SOLD!
I JUST LOVE HIM.
IN FACT, THEY'RE ALL WONDERFUL.
I JUST LOVE HIM.
IN FACT, THEY'RE ALL WONDERFUL.
I'LL TAKE THEM ALL.
IN FACT, THEY'RE ALL WONDERFUL.
I'LL TAKE THEM ALL.
WELL, ALL RIGHT!
I'LL TAKE THEM ALL.
WELL, ALL RIGHT!
YOU GOT YOURSELF A DEAL, LITTLE
WELL, ALL RIGHT!
YOU GOT YOURSELF A DEAL, LITTLE
LADY.
YOU GOT YOURSELF A DEAL, LITTLE
LADY.
[CHUCKLES]
LADY.
[CHUCKLES]
THAT'S AS MUCH AS I WROTE.
[CHUCKLES]
THAT'S AS MUCH AS I WROTE.
IT WAS A RUSH JOB, REMEMBER?
THAT'S AS MUCH AS I WROTE.
IT WAS A RUSH JOB, REMEMBER?
I TOLD YOU.
IT WAS A RUSH JOB, REMEMBER?
I TOLD YOU.
BUT IF YOU WANT TO SEE MORE,
I TOLD YOU.
BUT IF YOU WANT TO SEE MORE,
TUNE IN TO "ROOTS III."
BUT IF YOU WANT TO SEE MORE,
TUNE IN TO "ROOTS III."
I'M TRACING MY MOTHER'S SIDE OF
TUNE IN TO "ROOTS III."
I'M TRACING MY MOTHER'S SIDE OF
THE FAMILY.
I'M TRACING MY MOTHER'S SIDE OF
THE FAMILY.
IT STARTS TUESDAY ON CBS.
THE FAMILY.
IT STARTS TUESDAY ON CBS.
["ROOTS" THEME PLAYS]
Announcer: ONCE AGAIN, THE
KINKS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
KINKS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[INTRODUCTION TO "SLEEPWALKER"
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[INTRODUCTION TO "SLEEPWALKER"
PLAYS]
♪ WELL, EVERYBODY'S GOT
PROBLEMS, BUDDY ♪
♪ I GOT MINE ♪
PROBLEMS, BUDDY ♪
♪ I GOT MINE ♪
♪ BUT WHEN MIDNIGHT COMES
♪ I GOT MINE ♪
♪ BUT WHEN MIDNIGHT COMES
AROUND,
♪ BUT WHEN MIDNIGHT COMES
AROUND,
I START TO LOSE MY MIND ♪
AROUND,
I START TO LOSE MY MIND ♪
♪ WHEN THE SUN
I START TO LOSE MY MIND ♪
♪ WHEN THE SUN
PUTS OUT THE LIGHT,
♪ WHEN THE SUN
PUTS OUT THE LIGHT,
I JOIN THE CREATURES
PUTS OUT THE LIGHT,
I JOIN THE CREATURES
OF THE NIGHT ♪
I JOIN THE CREATURES
OF THE NIGHT ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
OF THE NIGHT ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ I'M A SLEEPWALKER ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ I'M A SLEEPWALKER ♪
♪ I'M A NIGHT STALKER ♪
♪ I'M A SLEEPWALKER ♪
♪ I'M A NIGHT STALKER ♪
♪ I'M A SLEEPWALKER ♪
♪ I'M A NIGHT STALKER ♪
♪ I'M A SLEEPWALKER ♪
♪ I'M A NIGHT HAWKER ♪
♪ I'M A SLEEPWALKER ♪
♪ I'M A NIGHT HAWKER ♪
♪ EVERYBODY GOT SECRETS
♪ I'M A NIGHT HAWKER ♪
♪ EVERYBODY GOT SECRETS
THAT THEY WANNA HIDE ♪
♪ EVERYBODY GOT SECRETS
THAT THEY WANNA HIDE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE WHEN MIDNIGHT COMES
THAT THEY WANNA HIDE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE WHEN MIDNIGHT COMES
AROUND, I TAKE A LOOK INSIDE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE WHEN MIDNIGHT COMES
AROUND, I TAKE A LOOK INSIDE ♪
♪ SO DON'T GO TALKIN'
AROUND, I TAKE A LOOK INSIDE ♪
♪ SO DON'T GO TALKIN'
IN YOUR SLEEP ♪
♪ SO DON'T GO TALKIN'
IN YOUR SLEEP ♪
♪ I MIGHT COME IN FOR A PEEK ♪
IN YOUR SLEEP ♪
♪ I MIGHT COME IN FOR A PEEK ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ I MIGHT COME IN FOR A PEEK ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ I'M A SLEEPWALKER ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ I'M A SLEEPWALKER ♪
♪ I'M A NIGHT STALKER ♪
♪ I'M A SLEEPWALKER ♪
♪ I'M A NIGHT STALKER ♪
♪ I'M A SLEEPWALKER ♪
♪ I'M A NIGHT STALKER ♪
♪ I'M A SLEEPWALKER ♪
♪ I'M A NIGHT HAWKER ♪
♪ WELL, WHEN EVERYBODY'S
FAST ASLEEP, I WALK MY BEAT ♪
♪ THROUGH THE SHADOWS AND THE
FAST ASLEEP, I WALK MY BEAT ♪
♪ THROUGH THE SHADOWS AND THE
MOONLIGHT, I START TO CREEP ♪
♪ THROUGH THE SHADOWS AND THE
MOONLIGHT, I START TO CREEP ♪
♪ SO BETTER CLOSE YOUR WINDOW
MOONLIGHT, I START TO CREEP ♪
♪ SO BETTER CLOSE YOUR WINDOW
TIGHT ♪
♪ SO BETTER CLOSE YOUR WINDOW
TIGHT ♪
♪ I MIGHT COME IN FOR A BITE ♪
TIGHT ♪
♪ I MIGHT COME IN FOR A BITE ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ I MIGHT COME IN FOR A BITE ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ WHEN THE NIGHTTIME COMES,
I START TO CREEP ♪
♪ I PROWL AROUND
I START TO CREEP ♪
♪ I PROWL AROUND
WHEN YOU'RE FAST ASLEEP ♪
♪ I PROWL AROUND
WHEN YOU'RE FAST ASLEEP ♪
♪ I WALK AROUND
WHEN YOU'RE FAST ASLEEP ♪
♪ I WALK AROUND
ON MY TIPPY TOES,
♪ I WALK AROUND
ON MY TIPPY TOES,
AND I GET INTO PLACES
ON MY TIPPY TOES,
AND I GET INTO PLACES
THAT NOBODY KNOWS ♪
AND I GET INTO PLACES
THAT NOBODY KNOWS ♪
♪ I'M ALWAYS AROUND
THAT NOBODY KNOWS ♪
♪ I'M ALWAYS AROUND
IF YOU WANNA MEET ♪
♪ I'M ALWAYS AROUND
IF YOU WANNA MEET ♪
♪ YOU CAN FIND ME
IF YOU WANNA MEET ♪
♪ YOU CAN FIND ME
ON ALMOST EVERY STREET ♪
♪ YOU CAN FIND ME
ON ALMOST EVERY STREET ♪
♪ I'LL EVEN CALL YOU
ON ALMOST EVERY STREET ♪
♪ I'LL EVEN CALL YOU
ON THE TELEPHONE ♪
♪ I'LL EVEN CALL YOU
ON THE TELEPHONE ♪
♪ I'LL EVEN COME TO YOUR HOME
ON THE TELEPHONE ♪
♪ I'LL EVEN COME TO YOUR HOME
IF YOU'RE EVER ALONE ♪
♪ I'M A SLEEPWALKER ♪
♪ I'M A NIGHT STALKER ♪
♪ I'M A SLEEPWALKER ♪
♪ I'M A NIGHT STALKER ♪
♪ I'M A SLEEPWALKER ♪
♪ NIGHT STALKER ♪
♪ I'M A SLEEPWALKER ♪
♪ NIGHT STALKER ♪
♪ SLEEPWALKER ♪
♪ NIGHT STALKER ♪
♪ SLEEPWALKER ♪
♪ NIGHT HAWKER ♪
♪ SLEEPWALKER ♪
♪ NIGHT HAWKER ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ NIGHT HAWKER ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
SO, ANYHOW, THE FIRST TIME I
EVER CAME TO ONE OF THESE
SINGLES BARS, I FELL DOWN THE
EVER CAME TO ONE OF THESE
SINGLES BARS, I FELL DOWN THE
STAIRS AND CRASHED INTO THE
SINGLES BARS, I FELL DOWN THE
STAIRS AND CRASHED INTO THE
CIGARETTE MACHINE.
STAIRS AND CRASHED INTO THE
CIGARETTE MACHINE.
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED TO ME,
CIGARETTE MACHINE.
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED TO ME,
TOO.
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED TO ME,
TOO.
YOU'RE KIDDING ME.
TOO.
YOU'RE KIDDING ME.
NO!
YOU'RE KIDDING ME.
NO!
WELL, I'LL BE HONEST WITH
NO!
WELL, I'LL BE HONEST WITH
YOU.
WELL, I'LL BE HONEST WITH
YOU.
WHEN I FIRST SAW YOU, I KIND OF
YOU.
WHEN I FIRST SAW YOU, I KIND OF
FIGURED THAT THAT HAPPENED TO
WHEN I FIRST SAW YOU, I KIND OF
FIGURED THAT THAT HAPPENED TO
YOU, TOO.
FIGURED THAT THAT HAPPENED TO
YOU, TOO.
REALLY?
YOU, TOO.
REALLY?
YEAH, JUST BY LOOKING AT YOU.
REALLY?
YEAH, JUST BY LOOKING AT YOU.
I'LL BET YOU PLAY
YEAH, JUST BY LOOKING AT YOU.
I'LL BET YOU PLAY
"OLD McDONALD" ON PUSH-BUTTON
I'LL BET YOU PLAY
"OLD McDONALD" ON PUSH-BUTTON
PHONES, TOO, RIGHT?
"OLD McDONALD" ON PUSH-BUTTON
PHONES, TOO, RIGHT?
RIGHT.
PHONES, TOO, RIGHT?
RIGHT.
YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY.
RIGHT.
YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY.
WE'VE ONLY BEEN TOGETHER HERE,
YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY.
WE'VE ONLY BEEN TOGETHER HERE,
LIKE, TEN MINUTES, AND ALREADY
WE'VE ONLY BEEN TOGETHER HERE,
LIKE, TEN MINUTES, AND ALREADY
WE HAVE A LOT IN COMMON.
LIKE, TEN MINUTES, AND ALREADY
WE HAVE A LOT IN COMMON.
I KNOW.
WE HAVE A LOT IN COMMON.
I KNOW.
IT'S REALLY AMAZING.
I KNOW.
IT'S REALLY AMAZING.
I MEAN, LIKE, WHAT DO YOU DO FOR
IT'S REALLY AMAZING.
I MEAN, LIKE, WHAT DO YOU DO FOR
A LIVING?
I MEAN, LIKE, WHAT DO YOU DO FOR
A LIVING?
OH, I CALIBRATE THE PRESSURE
A LIVING?
OH, I CALIBRATE THE PRESSURE
RATIOS FOR HYDRAULIC VALVE
OH, I CALIBRATE THE PRESSURE
RATIOS FOR HYDRAULIC VALVE
SYSTEMS.
RATIOS FOR HYDRAULIC VALVE
SYSTEMS.
SO DO I!
SYSTEMS.
SO DO I!
OH!
SO DO I!
OH!
WHAT DID YOU DO BEFORE THAT?
OH!
WHAT DID YOU DO BEFORE THAT?
WELL, I FOLDED THE LITTLE,
WHAT DID YOU DO BEFORE THAT?
WELL, I FOLDED THE LITTLE,
CLEAR, PLASTIC INDEX TABS THAT
WELL, I FOLDED THE LITTLE,
CLEAR, PLASTIC INDEX TABS THAT
SEPARATE THE SECTIONS IN
CLEAR, PLASTIC INDEX TABS THAT
SEPARATE THE SECTIONS IN
NOTEBOOKS.
SEPARATE THE SECTIONS IN
NOTEBOOKS.
I DID, TOO!
NOTEBOOKS.
I DID, TOO!
OH, NO!
I DID, TOO!
OH, NO!
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!
OH, NO!
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!
Both: THIS IS INCREDIBLE!
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!
Both: THIS IS INCREDIBLE!
HEY, LISTEN.
Both: THIS IS INCREDIBLE!
HEY, LISTEN.
WHAT DOES YOUR TONGUE TASTE LIKE
HEY, LISTEN.
WHAT DOES YOUR TONGUE TASTE LIKE
TO YOU?
WHAT DOES YOUR TONGUE TASTE LIKE
TO YOU?
UM... NOTHING.
TO YOU?
UM... NOTHING.
IT HAS NO FLAVOR.
UM... NOTHING.
IT HAS NO FLAVOR.
REALLY?!
IT HAS NO FLAVOR.
REALLY?!
NEITHER DOES MINE!
REALLY?!
NEITHER DOES MINE!
OH!
NEITHER DOES MINE!
OH!
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE LOUD NOISE?
OH!
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE LOUD NOISE?
OH, I-I DON'T KNOW.
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE LOUD NOISE?
OH, I-I DON'T KNOW.
I LIKE ALL OF THEM.
OH, I-I DON'T KNOW.
I LIKE ALL OF THEM.
AH, YOU MUST HAVE A SPECIAL
I LIKE ALL OF THEM.
AH, YOU MUST HAVE A SPECIAL
FAVORITE.
AH, YOU MUST HAVE A SPECIAL
FAVORITE.
NO, I DON'T HAVE A FAVORITE.
FAVORITE.
NO, I DON'T HAVE A FAVORITE.
I LIKE THEM ALL EQUALLY...
NO, I DON'T HAVE A FAVORITE.
I LIKE THEM ALL EQUALLY...
WELL...
I LIKE THEM ALL EQUALLY...
WELL...
WHAT ABOUT WHEN YOU TURN ON
WELL...
WHAT ABOUT WHEN YOU TURN ON
THE BATHTUB WATER, AND IT
WHAT ABOUT WHEN YOU TURN ON
THE BATHTUB WATER, AND IT
DOESN'T COME OUT RIGHT AWAY, AND
THE BATHTUB WATER, AND IT
DOESN'T COME OUT RIGHT AWAY, AND
THEN SUDDENLY IT JUST ALL COMES
DOESN'T COME OUT RIGHT AWAY, AND
THEN SUDDENLY IT JUST ALL COMES
OUT?
THEN SUDDENLY IT JUST ALL COMES
OUT?
I LOVE THAT!
OUT?
I LOVE THAT!
OH, WHAT ABOUT WHEN IT'S SUMMER,
I LOVE THAT!
OH, WHAT ABOUT WHEN IT'S SUMMER,
AND YOU'RE SITTING ON A LEATHER
OH, WHAT ABOUT WHEN IT'S SUMMER,
AND YOU'RE SITTING ON A LEATHER
SOFA, AND YOU'RE WEARING SHORTS
AND YOU'RE SITTING ON A LEATHER
SOFA, AND YOU'RE WEARING SHORTS
AND YOU'RE SWEATING, AND YOU
SOFA, AND YOU'RE WEARING SHORTS
AND YOU'RE SWEATING, AND YOU
HAVE TO STAND UP REAL QUICKLY?
AND YOU'RE SWEATING, AND YOU
HAVE TO STAND UP REAL QUICKLY?
THAT'S MY FAVORITE PAIN!
HAVE TO STAND UP REAL QUICKLY?
THAT'S MY FAVORITE PAIN!
YOU SAID MY EXACT FAVORITE!
THAT'S MY FAVORITE PAIN!
YOU SAID MY EXACT FAVORITE!
THAT'S MY FAVORITE!
YOU SAID MY EXACT FAVORITE!
THAT'S MY FAVORITE!
LISTEN.
THAT'S MY FAVORITE!
LISTEN.
DON'T YOU JUST HATE IT WHEN
LISTEN.
DON'T YOU JUST HATE IT WHEN
YOU'RE SITTING IN YOUR ROOM, AND
DON'T YOU JUST HATE IT WHEN
YOU'RE SITTING IN YOUR ROOM, AND
YOU HEAR SCREAMS AND SHOUTS
YOU'RE SITTING IN YOUR ROOM, AND
YOU HEAR SCREAMS AND SHOUTS
OUTSIDE, 'CAUSE SOMEONE GOT HIT
YOU HEAR SCREAMS AND SHOUTS
OUTSIDE, 'CAUSE SOMEONE GOT HIT
BY A TRUCK?
OUTSIDE, 'CAUSE SOMEONE GOT HIT
BY A TRUCK?
YEAH! YEAH!
BY A TRUCK?
YEAH! YEAH!
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE LAND MASS?
YEAH! YEAH!
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE LAND MASS?
THE DALMATIAN ISLANDS, JUST
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE LAND MASS?
THE DALMATIAN ISLANDS, JUST
OFF THE COAST OF YUGOSLAVIA.
THE DALMATIAN ISLANDS, JUST
OFF THE COAST OF YUGOSLAVIA.
THE SOUTHERN ONE?
OFF THE COAST OF YUGOSLAVIA.
THE SOUTHERN ONE?
A LITTLE FURTHER INLAND?
THE SOUTHERN ONE?
A LITTLE FURTHER INLAND?
Both: JUST ABOVE THE 30th
A LITTLE FURTHER INLAND?
Both: JUST ABOVE THE 30th
PARALLEL!
Both: JUST ABOVE THE 30th
PARALLEL!
I LIKE YOUR NOSE.
PARALLEL!
I LIKE YOUR NOSE.
AH.
I LIKE YOUR NOSE.
AH.
YOU'RE SO HEALTHY-LOOKING.
AH.
YOU'RE SO HEALTHY-LOOKING.
YOU'RE REAL NATURAL.
YOU'RE SO HEALTHY-LOOKING.
YOU'RE REAL NATURAL.
WELL, I TRY TO EAT RIGHT, AND
YOU'RE REAL NATURAL.
WELL, I TRY TO EAT RIGHT, AND
I EXERCISE.
WELL, I TRY TO EAT RIGHT, AND
I EXERCISE.
AND I NEVER OPEN A SAFETY PIN
I EXERCISE.
AND I NEVER OPEN A SAFETY PIN
AND PUNCH IT INTO MY FACE ALL
AND I NEVER OPEN A SAFETY PIN
AND PUNCH IT INTO MY FACE ALL
OVER.
AND PUNCH IT INTO MY FACE ALL
OVER.
THAT'S GOOD, REAL GOOD.
OVER.
THAT'S GOOD, REAL GOOD.
LOOK, UH, DON'T YOU JUST HATE
THAT'S GOOD, REAL GOOD.
LOOK, UH, DON'T YOU JUST HATE
IT WHEN SOMEBODY DIES IN THE
LOOK, UH, DON'T YOU JUST HATE
IT WHEN SOMEBODY DIES IN THE
APARTMENT NEXT DOOR TO YOURS,
IT WHEN SOMEBODY DIES IN THE
APARTMENT NEXT DOOR TO YOURS,
AND THEY DON'T FIND THEM FOR A
APARTMENT NEXT DOOR TO YOURS,
AND THEY DON'T FIND THEM FOR A
COUPLE OF WEEKS, AND WHEN THEY
AND THEY DON'T FIND THEM FOR A
COUPLE OF WEEKS, AND WHEN THEY
DO, THEIR PET PARROT ATE HALF OF
COUPLE OF WEEKS, AND WHEN THEY
DO, THEIR PET PARROT ATE HALF OF
THEM?
DO, THEIR PET PARROT ATE HALF OF
THEM?
YES.
THEM?
YES.
HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT I'D LIKE TO
YES.
HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT I'D LIKE TO
DO RIGHT NOW?
HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT I'D LIKE TO
DO RIGHT NOW?
WHAT?
DO RIGHT NOW?
WHAT?
HAVE YOU SEEN "A STAR IS
WHAT?
HAVE YOU SEEN "A STAR IS
BORN"?
HAVE YOU SEEN "A STAR IS
BORN"?
YES!
BORN"?
YES!
WELL, LET'S GO STAND IN LINE,
YES!
WELL, LET'S GO STAND IN LINE,
AND WHEN IT GETS TO BE OUR TURN,
WELL, LET'S GO STAND IN LINE,
AND WHEN IT GETS TO BE OUR TURN,
WE'LL GO BACK AND GET AT THE END
AND WHEN IT GETS TO BE OUR TURN,
WE'LL GO BACK AND GET AT THE END
OF THE LINE AGAIN!
WE'LL GO BACK AND GET AT THE END
OF THE LINE AGAIN!
OH, I'D LOVE THAT!
OF THE LINE AGAIN!
OH, I'D LOVE THAT!
LET'S GO!
OH, I'D LOVE THAT!
LET'S GO!
YOU LIKE TO HOP?!
LET'S GO!
YOU LIKE TO HOP?!
OH, EVERYWHERE!
YOU LIKE TO HOP?!
OH, EVERYWHERE!
OH!
[BAND PLAYS]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WANT TO THANK MY SPECIAL
GUEST, LILY TOMLIN.
THANK YOU.
GUEST, LILY TOMLIN.
THANK YOU.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AND THE KINKS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AND THE KINKS.
SEE YOU IN MINNEAPOLIS TOMORROW
AND THE KINKS.
SEE YOU IN MINNEAPOLIS TOMORROW
NIGHT!
SEE YOU IN MINNEAPOLIS TOMORROW
NIGHT!
NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME
NIGHT!
NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME
PLAYERS.
Announcer: NEXT WEEK, WATCH
NBC's "WEEKEND" WITH
LLOYD DOBBINS.
"SATURDAY NIGHT" WILL RETURN IN
TWO WEEKS ON MARCH 12th, WHEN
OUR HOST WILL BE SISSY SPACEK,
WITH MUSICAL GUEST
RICHARD BASKIN.
YOUR ANNOUNCER HAS BEEN
DONALD PARDO.
[SINGING TO "MICKEY MOUSE" CLUB
[TUNE]
♪ D-O-N-A-L-D P-A-R-D-O ♪
GOOD NIGHT!
AFTER THE SHOW, HUH?
OH, HELLO, STEVE.
AFTER THE SHOW, HUH?
OH, HELLO, STEVE.
GILDA, HOW YOU DOING?
OH, HELLO, STEVE.
GILDA, HOW YOU DOING?
I'M JUST GREAT.
GILDA, HOW YOU DOING?
I'M JUST GREAT.
YOU KNOW, STEVE, I FEEL KIND OF
I'M JUST GREAT.
YOU KNOW, STEVE, I FEEL KIND OF
BAD.
YOU KNOW, STEVE, I FEEL KIND OF
BAD.
I HAVEN'T SEEN AS MUCH OF YOU AS
BAD.
I HAVEN'T SEEN AS MUCH OF YOU AS
I DID THE LAST TIME YOU WERE ON
I HAVEN'T SEEN AS MUCH OF YOU AS
I DID THE LAST TIME YOU WERE ON
THE SHOW.
I DID THE LAST TIME YOU WERE ON
THE SHOW.
WELL, WE'VE BEEN PRETTY BUSY
THE SHOW.
WELL, WE'VE BEEN PRETTY BUSY
WITH THE SHOW.
WELL, WE'VE BEEN PRETTY BUSY
WITH THE SHOW.
YOU KNOW THAT.
WITH THE SHOW.
YOU KNOW THAT.
RIGHT.
YOU KNOW THAT.
RIGHT.
HEY, COME ON.
RIGHT.
HEY, COME ON.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
HEY, COME ON.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
I DON'T KNOW.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
I DON'T KNOW.
I THINK YOU'VE CHANGED A LITTLE
I DON'T KNOW.
I THINK YOU'VE CHANGED A LITTLE
BIT SINCE YOU WERE ON "THE
I THINK YOU'VE CHANGED A LITTLE
BIT SINCE YOU WERE ON "THE
TONIGHT SHOW."
BIT SINCE YOU WERE ON "THE
TONIGHT SHOW."
WHAT?
TONIGHT SHOW."
WHAT?
ME, CHANGE?
WHAT?
ME, CHANGE?
JUST BECAUSE I GUEST-HOSTED
ME, CHANGE?
JUST BECAUSE I GUEST-HOSTED
"THE TONIGHT SHOW"?
JUST BECAUSE I GUEST-HOSTED
"THE TONIGHT SHOW"?
GUEST-HOSTED, RIGHT.
"THE TONIGHT SHOW"?
GUEST-HOSTED, RIGHT.
WELL, I KNOW YOU'RE ON THE ROAD
GUEST-HOSTED, RIGHT.
WELL, I KNOW YOU'RE ON THE ROAD
AND EVERYTHING.
WELL, I KNOW YOU'RE ON THE ROAD
AND EVERYTHING.
WELL, YOU KNOW, SHOW BUSINESS
AND EVERYTHING.
WELL, YOU KNOW, SHOW BUSINESS
IS MY LIFE.
WELL, YOU KNOW, SHOW BUSINESS
IS MY LIFE.
WHAT ABOUT MY LIFE?
IS MY LIFE.
WHAT ABOUT MY LIFE?
WELL, UH... I GUESS YOUR LIFE
WHAT ABOUT MY LIFE?
WELL, UH... I GUESS YOUR LIFE
IS RUINED.
WELL, UH... I GUESS YOUR LIFE
IS RUINED.
I MEAN, YOU KNEW I WAS A
IS RUINED.
I MEAN, YOU KNEW I WAS A
RAMBLIN' GUY WHEN YOU GOT
I MEAN, YOU KNEW I WAS A
RAMBLIN' GUY WHEN YOU GOT
INVOLVED.
RAMBLIN' GUY WHEN YOU GOT
INVOLVED.
WELL, YOU COULD HAVE CALLED
INVOLVED.
WELL, YOU COULD HAVE CALLED
ME OR SOMETHING.
WELL, YOU COULD HAVE CALLED
ME OR SOMETHING.
WELL, I DID CALL YOU.
ME OR SOMETHING.
WELL, I DID CALL YOU.
I LEFT THE NAME OF THE LOTION ON
WELL, I DID CALL YOU.
I LEFT THE NAME OF THE LOTION ON
YOUR ANSWERING SERVICE!
I LEFT THE NAME OF THE LOTION ON
YOUR ANSWERING SERVICE!
WAS THAT YOU?!
YOUR ANSWERING SERVICE!
WAS THAT YOU?!
YEAH!
WAS THAT YOU?!
YEAH!
DID THE LOTION WORK OKAY?
YEAH!
DID THE LOTION WORK OKAY?
OH, YEAH! THANK YOU!
DID THE LOTION WORK OKAY?
OH, YEAH! THANK YOU!
OKAY, THEN.
OH, YEAH! THANK YOU!
OKAY, THEN.
NO PROBLEM, THEN.
OKAY, THEN.
NO PROBLEM, THEN.
RIGHT, RIGHT.
NO PROBLEM, THEN.
RIGHT, RIGHT.
HEY, UH, LISTEN.
RIGHT, RIGHT.
HEY, UH, LISTEN.
THIS GIRL LIKES TO CRASH EARLY.
HEY, UH, LISTEN.
THIS GIRL LIKES TO CRASH EARLY.
SO, MAYBE I COULD COME OVER TO
THIS GIRL LIKES TO CRASH EARLY.
SO, MAYBE I COULD COME OVER TO
YOUR PLACE ABOUT, UH, THREE?
SO, MAYBE I COULD COME OVER TO
YOUR PLACE ABOUT, UH, THREE?
SOMETHING LIKE THAT?
YOUR PLACE ABOUT, UH, THREE?
SOMETHING LIKE THAT?
THREE?
SOMETHING LIKE THAT?
THREE?
UH... WELL, OKAY, OKAY.
THREE?
UH... WELL, OKAY, OKAY.
OKAY, GREAT!
UH... WELL, OKAY, OKAY.
OKAY, GREAT!
HEY, CIAO, BABY!
OKAY, GREAT!
HEY, CIAO, BABY!
[CHUCKLES]
HEY, CIAO, BABY!
[CHUCKLES]
"CIAO, BABY?"
[CHUCKLES]
"CIAO, BABY?"
HEY, COMPADRES, MUCHACHOS!
"CIAO, BABY?"
HEY, COMPADRES, MUCHACHOS!
HOW'S IT GOING, BUDDIES?
HEY, COMPADRES, MUCHACHOS!
HOW'S IT GOING, BUDDIES?
WELL, LOOK WHO'S HERE...
HOW'S IT GOING, BUDDIES?
WELL, LOOK WHO'S HERE...
MR. BIG-TIME SHOW BUSINESS
WELL, LOOK WHO'S HERE...
MR. BIG-TIME SHOW BUSINESS
HIMSELF!
MR. BIG-TIME SHOW BUSINESS
HIMSELF!
YEAH, MR. HOST OF
HIMSELF!
YEAH, MR. HOST OF
"THE TONIGHT SHOW."
YEAH, MR. HOST OF
"THE TONIGHT SHOW."
GUEST HOST.
"THE TONIGHT SHOW."
GUEST HOST.
GUEST HOST ONCE... BIG DEAL.
GUEST HOST.
GUEST HOST ONCE... BIG DEAL.
STEVE, UH, I WASN'T HERE THE
GUEST HOST ONCE... BIG DEAL.
STEVE, UH, I WASN'T HERE THE
LAST TIME YOU DID THE SHOW, BUT
STEVE, UH, I WASN'T HERE THE
LAST TIME YOU DID THE SHOW, BUT
FROM WHAT I HEAR, I DON'T THINK
LAST TIME YOU DID THE SHOW, BUT
FROM WHAT I HEAR, I DON'T THINK
I LIKE YOU TOO MUCH.
FROM WHAT I HEAR, I DON'T THINK
I LIKE YOU TOO MUCH.
HEY, UH, WHAT'S TROUBLING YOU
I LIKE YOU TOO MUCH.
HEY, UH, WHAT'S TROUBLING YOU
GUYS?
HEY, UH, WHAT'S TROUBLING YOU
GUYS?
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
GUYS?
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
I MEAN, I COME OUT HERE TO DO
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
I MEAN, I COME OUT HERE TO DO
THE SHOW, AND YOU ACT LIKE I'M
I MEAN, I COME OUT HERE TO DO
THE SHOW, AND YOU ACT LIKE I'M
SOME KIND OF JACK THE RIPPER.
THE SHOW, AND YOU ACT LIKE I'M
SOME KIND OF JACK THE RIPPER.
WHAT'S THE DEAL?
SOME KIND OF JACK THE RIPPER.
WHAT'S THE DEAL?
WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME THE TRUTH
WHAT'S THE DEAL?
WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME THE TRUTH
HERE?
WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME THE TRUTH
HERE?
OKAY, I'LL TELL YOU.
HERE?
OKAY, I'LL TELL YOU.
WE ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO
OKAY, I'LL TELL YOU.
WE ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO
GILDA.
WE ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO
GILDA.
WE THINK YOU GOT OFF PRETTY
GILDA.
WE THINK YOU GOT OFF PRETTY
EASY.
WE THINK YOU GOT OFF PRETTY
EASY.
HEY, IS THAT ALL?
EASY.
HEY, IS THAT ALL?
COME ON, YOU GUYS ARE GUYS!
HEY, IS THAT ALL?
COME ON, YOU GUYS ARE GUYS!
YOU'RE A LITTLE BIT JEALOUS!
COME ON, YOU GUYS ARE GUYS!
YOU'RE A LITTLE BIT JEALOUS!
HEY, MAN, THAT HAS NOTHING TO
YOU'RE A LITTLE BIT JEALOUS!
HEY, MAN, THAT HAS NOTHING TO
DO WITH IT, MAN!
HEY, MAN, THAT HAS NOTHING TO
DO WITH IT, MAN!
YOU'VE RUINED THE REPUTATION OF
DO WITH IT, MAN!
YOU'VE RUINED THE REPUTATION OF
A NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME
YOU'VE RUINED THE REPUTATION OF
A NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME
PLAYER, BABY.
A NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME
PLAYER, BABY.
WELL, EXCU-U-U-U-U-SE ME!
PLAYER, BABY.
WELL, EXCU-U-U-U-U-SE ME!
I'M GONNA RIP HIS FACE OFF!!
WELL, EXCU-U-U-U-U-SE ME!
I'M GONNA RIP HIS FACE OFF!!
I SWEAR TO GOD!!
I'M GONNA RIP HIS FACE OFF!!
I SWEAR TO GOD!!
HE'S GOT A SHOW TO DO, MAN!
I SWEAR TO GOD!!
HE'S GOT A SHOW TO DO, MAN!
YOU GET HIM BLOODY, WE'LL RUIN
HE'S GOT A SHOW TO DO, MAN!
YOU GET HIM BLOODY, WE'LL RUIN
HIS PRETTY COAT, OKAY?
YOU GET HIM BLOODY, WE'LL RUIN
HIS PRETTY COAT, OKAY?
HEY, LET ME TELL YOU GUYS
HIS PRETTY COAT, OKAY?
HEY, LET ME TELL YOU GUYS
SOMETHING.
HEY, LET ME TELL YOU GUYS
SOMETHING.
I COME DOWN HERE, I'M GOING ON
SOMETHING.
I COME DOWN HERE, I'M GOING ON
THE AIR AND EVERYTHING, AND YOU
I COME DOWN HERE, I'M GOING ON
THE AIR AND EVERYTHING, AND YOU
COME OUT HERE AND TRY TO MAKE IT
THE AIR AND EVERYTHING, AND YOU
COME OUT HERE AND TRY TO MAKE IT
LIKE I'M SOME KIND OF BAD GUY OR
COME OUT HERE AND TRY TO MAKE IT
LIKE I'M SOME KIND OF BAD GUY OR
SOMETHING.
LIKE I'M SOME KIND OF BAD GUY OR
SOMETHING.
I JUST HAD A LONG, LONG,
SOMETHING.
I JUST HAD A LONG, LONG,
PERSONAL TALK WITH GILDA, KIND
I JUST HAD A LONG, LONG,
PERSONAL TALK WITH GILDA, KIND
OF SMOOTH THINGS OVER, OKAY?
PERSONAL TALK WITH GILDA, KIND
OF SMOOTH THINGS OVER, OKAY?
SO, LOOK.
OF SMOOTH THINGS OVER, OKAY?
SO, LOOK.
I DON'T NEED YOU, AND YOU DON'T
SO, LOOK.
I DON'T NEED YOU, AND YOU DON'T
NEED ME!
I DON'T NEED YOU, AND YOU DON'T
NEED ME!
I'M GONNA TAKE A HIKE!
NEED ME!
I'M GONNA TAKE A HIKE!
HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?
I'M GONNA TAKE A HIKE!
HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?
I'M A RAMBLIN' GUY.
HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?
I'M A RAMBLIN' GUY.
I THINK I'LL RAMBLE!
I'M A RAMBLIN' GUY.
I THINK I'LL RAMBLE!
HEY, GOOD LUCK WITH THE OPENING,
I THINK I'LL RAMBLE!
HEY, GOOD LUCK WITH THE OPENING,
BELUSHI!
HEY, GOOD LUCK WITH THE OPENING,
BELUSHI!
BE SEEING YOU!
BELUSHI!
BE SEEING YOU!
YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE
BE SEEING YOU!
YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE
UNTIL YOU DO THAT OPENING.
YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE
UNTIL YOU DO THAT OPENING.
HEY, NOBODY TELLS ME WHAT TO
UNTIL YOU DO THAT OPENING.
HEY, NOBODY TELLS ME WHAT TO
DO!
HEY, NOBODY TELLS ME WHAT TO
DO!
YEAH?!
DO!
YEAH?!
NOW SAY IT, PAL!
YEAH?!
NOW SAY IT, PAL!
I'M NOT GONNA SAY IT!
NOW SAY IT, PAL!
I'M NOT GONNA SAY IT!
SAY IT!
I'M NOT GONNA SAY IT!
SAY IT!
LIVE, FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
SAY IT!
LIVE, FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
LIVE, FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
[BAND PLAYS]
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
[BAND PLAYS]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Announcer: LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, STEVE MARTIN.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HEY, WE'RE HAVING SOME FUN
NOW, EH, KIDS?
[LAUGHTER]
NOW, EH, KIDS?
[LAUGHTER]
EXCUSE ME.
[LAUGHTER]
EXCUSE ME.
SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN TO GET
EXCUSE ME.
SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN TO GET
SOME ON YOU THERE.
SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN TO GET
SOME ON YOU THERE.
WE'RE HAVING SOME FUN... HEY!
SOME ON YOU THERE.
WE'RE HAVING SOME FUN... HEY!
EXCUSE ME.
WE'RE HAVING SOME FUN... HEY!
EXCUSE ME.
ALL RIGHT!
EXCUSE ME.
ALL RIGHT!
HEY, YOU GET TO SEE A SHOW.
ALL RIGHT!
HEY, YOU GET TO SEE A SHOW.
ALL I HAVE ARE MEMORIES.
HEY, YOU GET TO SEE A SHOW.
ALL I HAVE ARE MEMORIES.
I PAID 900 BUCKS FOR THIS.
ALL I HAVE ARE MEMORIES.
I PAID 900 BUCKS FOR THIS.
THAT TOO MUCH?
I PAID 900 BUCKS FOR THIS.
THAT TOO MUCH?
I DON'T KNOW.
THAT TOO MUCH?
I DON'T KNOW.
OKAY.
I DON'T KNOW.
OKAY.
WE'RE MOVING!
OKAY.
WE'RE MOVING!
I TELL YOU WHAT.
WE'RE MOVING!
I TELL YOU WHAT.
LET'S RIP THE PLACE APART!
I TELL YOU WHAT.
LET'S RIP THE PLACE APART!
SORRY, FOLKS.
LET'S RIP THE PLACE APART!
SORRY, FOLKS.
OKAY, WE'LL BE STARTING IN JUST
SORRY, FOLKS.
OKAY, WE'LL BE STARTING IN JUST
A FEW MOMENTS.
OKAY, WE'LL BE STARTING IN JUST
A FEW MOMENTS.
JUST WAITING FOR THE DRUGS TO
A FEW MOMENTS.
JUST WAITING FOR THE DRUGS TO
TAKE EFFECT.
JUST WAITING FOR THE DRUGS TO
TAKE EFFECT.
AND THEN...
TAKE EFFECT.
AND THEN...
AH!
AND THEN...
AH!
OKAY, THERE WE GO!
AH!
OKAY, THERE WE GO!
UH-OH!
OKAY, THERE WE GO!
UH-OH!
I'M GETTING HAPPY FEET!
UH-OH!
I'M GETTING HAPPY FEET!
[LAUGHTER]
I'M GETTING HAPPY FEET!
[LAUGHTER]
EXCUSE ME.
[LAUGHTER]
EXCUSE ME.
EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE THAT
EXCUSE ME.
EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE THAT
HAPPENS.
EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE THAT
HAPPENS.
I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER IT WHEN
HAPPENS.
I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER IT WHEN
IT...
I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER IT WHEN
IT...
SORRY.
IT...
SORRY.
OKAY, WE'RE MOVING ALONG NOW.
SORRY.
OKAY, WE'RE MOVING ALONG NOW.
YOU KNOW... OOH!
OKAY, WE'RE MOVING ALONG NOW.
YOU KNOW... OOH!
[LAUGHTER]
YOU KNOW... OOH!
[LAUGHTER]
I DON'T LIKE TO GET SERIOUS WITH
[LAUGHTER]
I DON'T LIKE TO GET SERIOUS WITH
THE OPENING OF THE SHOW.
I DON'T LIKE TO GET SERIOUS WITH
THE OPENING OF THE SHOW.
YOU PROBABLY HEARD I WAS INTO
THE OPENING OF THE SHOW.
YOU PROBABLY HEARD I WAS INTO
THE COMEDY THING, BUT I'M KIND
YOU PROBABLY HEARD I WAS INTO
THE COMEDY THING, BUT I'M KIND
OF GETTING OUT OF THAT NOW AND
THE COMEDY THING, BUT I'M KIND
OF GETTING OUT OF THAT NOW AND
GETTING MORE INTO MUSIC.
OF GETTING OUT OF THAT NOW AND
GETTING MORE INTO MUSIC.
I'D LIKE TO OPEN THE SHOW WITH
GETTING MORE INTO MUSIC.
I'D LIKE TO OPEN THE SHOW WITH
ONE OF MY FAVORITE KINDS OF
I'D LIKE TO OPEN THE SHOW WITH
ONE OF MY FAVORITE KINDS OF
TUNES.
ONE OF MY FAVORITE KINDS OF
TUNES.
THIS IS A TRADITIONAL
TUNES.
THIS IS A TRADITIONAL
AMERICAN INDIAN FOLK SONG.
THIS IS A TRADITIONAL
AMERICAN INDIAN FOLK SONG.
NOW I REALIZE WE'RE ON TV.
AMERICAN INDIAN FOLK SONG.
NOW I REALIZE WE'RE ON TV.
I CAN'T JUST COME OUT HERE AND
NOW I REALIZE WE'RE ON TV.
I CAN'T JUST COME OUT HERE AND
SING ONE OF THE GREAT TUNES...
I CAN'T JUST COME OUT HERE AND
SING ONE OF THE GREAT TUNES...
ONE OF MY FAVORITES... AND HAVE
SING ONE OF THE GREAT TUNES...
ONE OF MY FAVORITES... AND HAVE
PEOPLE GET INTO IT THE SAME WAY
ONE OF MY FAVORITES... AND HAVE
PEOPLE GET INTO IT THE SAME WAY
I HAVE.
PEOPLE GET INTO IT THE SAME WAY
I HAVE.
SO WHAT I'VE DONE, I'VE JAZZED
I HAVE.
SO WHAT I'VE DONE, I'VE JAZZED
IT UP A LITTLE BIT FOR TV.
SO WHAT I'VE DONE, I'VE JAZZED
IT UP A LITTLE BIT FOR TV.
BASICALLY, I KEPT IT VERY
IT UP A LITTLE BIT FOR TV.
BASICALLY, I KEPT IT VERY
TRADITIONAL, BUT I THINK YOU'RE
BASICALLY, I KEPT IT VERY
TRADITIONAL, BUT I THINK YOU'RE
GONNA DIG THIS.
TRADITIONAL, BUT I THINK YOU'RE
GONNA DIG THIS.
SO HERE WE GO.
GONNA DIG THIS.
SO HERE WE GO.
[CHANTING]
♪ WHOA WHOA WHOA ♪
[CHANTING]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[CHANTING]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ LITTLE GIRL ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ LITTLE GIRL ♪
OKAY, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
♪ LITTLE GIRL ♪
OKAY, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
THANK YOU.
OKAY, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
THANK YOU.
[APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
[APPLAUSE]
EXCUSE ME!
[APPLAUSE]
EXCUSE ME!
I FEEL GOOD TONIGHT, BECAUSE
EXCUSE ME!
I FEEL GOOD TONIGHT, BECAUSE
WELL, I'VE FINALLY GOT A GOAL IN
I FEEL GOOD TONIGHT, BECAUSE
WELL, I'VE FINALLY GOT A GOAL IN
LIFE, AND THAT'S WHAT PLEASES
WELL, I'VE FINALLY GOT A GOAL IN
LIFE, AND THAT'S WHAT PLEASES
ME, TO BE ABLE TO HAVE A GOAL,
LIFE, AND THAT'S WHAT PLEASES
ME, TO BE ABLE TO HAVE A GOAL,
AND THIS IS WHY I'M SO HAPPY,
ME, TO BE ABLE TO HAVE A GOAL,
AND THIS IS WHY I'M SO HAPPY,
BECAUSE, SEE, IT'S IMPORTANT...
AND THIS IS WHY I'M SO HAPPY,
BECAUSE, SEE, IT'S IMPORTANT...
THE THING YOU HAVE TO LEARN, IN
BECAUSE, SEE, IT'S IMPORTANT...
THE THING YOU HAVE TO LEARN, IN
HAVING A GOAL, IS NOT TO SET AN
THE THING YOU HAVE TO LEARN, IN
HAVING A GOAL, IS NOT TO SET AN
IMPOSSIBLE GOAL, SOMETHING TOO
HAVING A GOAL, IS NOT TO SET AN
IMPOSSIBLE GOAL, SOMETHING TOO
HIGH YOU CAN NEVER REACH.
IMPOSSIBLE GOAL, SOMETHING TOO
HIGH YOU CAN NEVER REACH.
YOU GOT TO HAVE A SERIES OF
HIGH YOU CAN NEVER REACH.
YOU GOT TO HAVE A SERIES OF
SMALLER GOALS THAT YOU CAN
YOU GOT TO HAVE A SERIES OF
SMALLER GOALS THAT YOU CAN
ACCOMPLISH AND SLOWLY WORK YOUR
SMALLER GOALS THAT YOU CAN
ACCOMPLISH AND SLOWLY WORK YOUR
WAY UP.
ACCOMPLISH AND SLOWLY WORK YOUR
WAY UP.
AND THIS IS WHAT I HAVE DONE.
WAY UP.
AND THIS IS WHAT I HAVE DONE.
THAT'S WHY I'M SO HAPPY.
AND THIS IS WHAT I HAVE DONE.
THAT'S WHY I'M SO HAPPY.
MY GOAL... RIGHT NOW, I WANT TO
THAT'S WHY I'M SO HAPPY.
MY GOAL... RIGHT NOW, I WANT TO
BE THE ALL-BEING MASTER OF TIME,
MY GOAL... RIGHT NOW, I WANT TO
BE THE ALL-BEING MASTER OF TIME,
SPACE, AND DIMENSION.
BE THE ALL-BEING MASTER OF TIME,
SPACE, AND DIMENSION.
[LAUGHTER]
SPACE, AND DIMENSION.
[LAUGHTER]
THEN, I WANT TO GO TO EUROPE, I
[LAUGHTER]
THEN, I WANT TO GO TO EUROPE, I
THINK.
THEN, I WANT TO GO TO EUROPE, I
THINK.
I MENTIONED EARLIER IN THE SHOW
THINK.
I MENTIONED EARLIER IN THE SHOW
THE DRUG JOKE, AND I HATE TO DO
I MENTIONED EARLIER IN THE SHOW
THE DRUG JOKE, AND I HATE TO DO
THAT, 'CAUSE IT CREATES A MESS,
THE DRUG JOKE, AND I HATE TO DO
THAT, 'CAUSE IT CREATES A MESS,
AND I'M NOT INTO DRUGS ANYMORE.
THAT, 'CAUSE IT CREATES A MESS,
AND I'M NOT INTO DRUGS ANYMORE.
I QUIT COMPLETELY, AND I HATE
AND I'M NOT INTO DRUGS ANYMORE.
I QUIT COMPLETELY, AND I HATE
PEOPLE WHO ARE STILL INTO IT.
I QUIT COMPLETELY, AND I HATE
PEOPLE WHO ARE STILL INTO IT.
BUT I DO TAKE ONE DRUG NOW, FOR
PEOPLE WHO ARE STILL INTO IT.
BUT I DO TAKE ONE DRUG NOW, FOR
FUN, AND MAYBE YOU'VE HEARD OF
BUT I DO TAKE ONE DRUG NOW, FOR
FUN, AND MAYBE YOU'VE HEARD OF
IT.
FUN, AND MAYBE YOU'VE HEARD OF
IT.
IT'S A NEW THING.
IT.
IT'S A NEW THING.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVE OR NOT.
IT'S A NEW THING.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVE OR NOT.
IT'S A NEW THING.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVE OR NOT.
IT'S A NEW THING.
IT MAKES YOU SMALL... ABOUT THIS
IT'S A NEW THING.
IT MAKES YOU SMALL... ABOUT THIS
BIG.
IT MAKES YOU SMALL... ABOUT THIS
BIG.
AND, YOU KNOW, I'LL BE HOME,
BIG.
AND, YOU KNOW, I'LL BE HOME,
SITTING WITH MY FRIENDS, AND
AND, YOU KNOW, I'LL BE HOME,
SITTING WITH MY FRIENDS, AND
WE'LL BE SITTING AROUND, AND
SITTING WITH MY FRIENDS, AND
WE'LL BE SITTING AROUND, AND
SOMEBODY WILL SAY, "HEY...
WE'LL BE SITTING AROUND, AND
SOMEBODY WILL SAY, "HEY...
LET'S GET SMALL."
SOMEBODY WILL SAY, "HEY...
LET'S GET SMALL."
[LAUGHTER]
LET'S GET SMALL."
[LAUGHTER]
SO, YOU KNOW, WE GET SMALL, AND
[LAUGHTER]
SO, YOU KNOW, WE GET SMALL, AND
THE ONLY BAD THING IS IF SOME
SO, YOU KNOW, WE GET SMALL, AND
THE ONLY BAD THING IS IF SOME
TALL PEOPLE COME OVER.
THE ONLY BAD THING IS IF SOME
TALL PEOPLE COME OVER.
YOU'RE WALKING AROUND GOING,
TALL PEOPLE COME OVER.
YOU'RE WALKING AROUND GOING,
"HUH-HUH-HUH."
YOU'RE WALKING AROUND GOING,
"HUH-HUH-HUH."
NOW I KNOW I SHOULDN'T GET SMALL
"HUH-HUH-HUH."
NOW I KNOW I SHOULDN'T GET SMALL
WHEN I'M DRIVING.
NOW I KNOW I SHOULDN'T GET SMALL
WHEN I'M DRIVING.
[LAUGHTER]
WHEN I'M DRIVING.
[LAUGHTER]
BUT I WAS DRIVING AROUND THE
[LAUGHTER]
BUT I WAS DRIVING AROUND THE
OTHER DAY, AND I SAID, "WHAT THE
BUT I WAS DRIVING AROUND THE
OTHER DAY, AND I SAID, "WHAT THE
HECK?"
OTHER DAY, AND I SAID, "WHAT THE
HECK?"
YOU KNOW?
HECK?"
YOU KNOW?
SO I'M DRIVING, GOING...
YOU KNOW?
SO I'M DRIVING, GOING...
[LAUGHTER]
SO I'M DRIVING, GOING...
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AND A COP PULLS ME OVER.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AND A COP PULLS ME OVER.
AND HE MAKES ME GET OUT.
AND A COP PULLS ME OVER.
AND HE MAKES ME GET OUT.
HE LOOKS AT ME, AND HE SAYS,
AND HE MAKES ME GET OUT.
HE LOOKS AT ME, AND HE SAYS,
"HEY, ARE YOU SMALL?"
HE LOOKS AT ME, AND HE SAYS,
"HEY, ARE YOU SMALL?"
I SAID, "NO! I'M NOT!"
"HEY, ARE YOU SMALL?"
I SAID, "NO! I'M NOT!"
HE SAID, "WELL, I'M GONNA HAVE
I SAID, "NO! I'M NOT!"
HE SAID, "WELL, I'M GONNA HAVE
TO MEASURE YOU."
HE SAID, "WELL, I'M GONNA HAVE
TO MEASURE YOU."
[LAUGHTER]
TO MEASURE YOU."
[LAUGHTER]
AND THEY HAVE THIS LITTLE TEST
[LAUGHTER]
AND THEY HAVE THIS LITTLE TEST
THEY GIVE YOU.
AND THEY HAVE THIS LITTLE TEST
THEY GIVE YOU.
THEY GIVE YOU A BALLOON.
THEY GIVE YOU.
THEY GIVE YOU A BALLOON.
AND IF YOU CAN GET INSIDE OF IT,
THEY GIVE YOU A BALLOON.
AND IF YOU CAN GET INSIDE OF IT,
THEY KNOW YOU'RE SMALL.
AND IF YOU CAN GET INSIDE OF IT,
THEY KNOW YOU'RE SMALL.
NOW I'VE ALREADY TALKED IT OVER
THEY KNOW YOU'RE SMALL.
NOW I'VE ALREADY TALKED IT OVER
WITH THE CAST.
NOW I'VE ALREADY TALKED IT OVER
WITH THE CAST.
THEY'VE BEEN WORKING ALL WEEK.
WITH THE CAST.
THEY'VE BEEN WORKING ALL WEEK.
IT'S A TOUGH THING TO DO, COME
THEY'VE BEEN WORKING ALL WEEK.
IT'S A TOUGH THING TO DO, COME
OUT HERE LIVE.
IT'S A TOUGH THING TO DO, COME
OUT HERE LIVE.
IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE SHOW,
OUT HERE LIVE.
IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE SHOW,
WE'RE ALL GONNA GO OUT AND GET
IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE SHOW,
WE'RE ALL GONNA GO OUT AND GET
REALLY SMALL!
WE'RE ALL GONNA GO OUT AND GET
REALLY SMALL!
OKAY, WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW
REALLY SMALL!
OKAY, WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW
TONIGHT.
OKAY, WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW
TONIGHT.
LILY TOMLIN, SPECIAL GUEST.
TONIGHT.
LILY TOMLIN, SPECIAL GUEST.
THE KINKS.
LILY TOMLIN, SPECIAL GUEST.
THE KINKS.
AND THE NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME
THE KINKS.
AND THE NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME
PLAYERS... JOHN BELUSHI,
AND THE NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME
PLAYERS... JOHN BELUSHI,
DAN AYKROYD, GARRETT...
PLAYERS... JOHN BELUSHI,
DAN AYKROYD, GARRETT...
SO, WE'LL BE BACK IN JUST A
DAN AYKROYD, GARRETT...
SO, WE'LL BE BACK IN JUST A
MOMENT.
SO, WE'LL BE BACK IN JUST A
MOMENT.
THANKS A LOT!
MOMENT.
THANKS A LOT!
GOOD NIGHT!
THANKS A LOT!
GOOD NIGHT!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
GOOD MORNING, DEAR.
HOW WAS YOUR SLEEP PHASE?
SUFFICIENT!
HOW WAS YOUR SLEEP PHASE?
SUFFICIENT!
AND YOURS?
SUFFICIENT!
AND YOURS?
I DREAMT OF THE GELATIN POOLS
AND YOURS?
I DREAMT OF THE GELATIN POOLS
ON OUR HOME PLANET, REMULAK.
I DREAMT OF THE GELATIN POOLS
ON OUR HOME PLANET, REMULAK.
[BLARING]
ON OUR HOME PLANET, REMULAK.
[BLARING]
MMM... YOU HAVE STIMULATED ME!
[BLARING]
MMM... YOU HAVE STIMULATED ME!
LET US RETURN TO THE SLEEP
MMM... YOU HAVE STIMULATED ME!
LET US RETURN TO THE SLEEP
CHAMBER IMMEDIATELY!
LET US RETURN TO THE SLEEP
CHAMBER IMMEDIATELY!
GOOD MORNING, PARENTAL UNITS.
CHAMBER IMMEDIATELY!
GOOD MORNING, PARENTAL UNITS.
I MUST INFORM YOU NOW THAT I
GOOD MORNING, PARENTAL UNITS.
I MUST INFORM YOU NOW THAT I
WILL NOT BE HOME FROM SCHOOL
I MUST INFORM YOU NOW THAT I
WILL NOT BE HOME FROM SCHOOL
TONIGHT.
WILL NOT BE HOME FROM SCHOOL
TONIGHT.
YOUR CONE! UNACCEPTABLE!
TONIGHT.
YOUR CONE! UNACCEPTABLE!
UNDESIRABLE! UNACCEPTABLE!
YOUR CONE! UNACCEPTABLE!
UNDESIRABLE! UNACCEPTABLE!
OH, COME ON, DAD!
UNDESIRABLE! UNACCEPTABLE!
OH, COME ON, DAD!
I HAVE ALTERED MY CONE FOR
OH, COME ON, DAD!
I HAVE ALTERED MY CONE FOR
TONIGHT.
I HAVE ALTERED MY CONE FOR
TONIGHT.
I'M ATTENDING A CONCERT OF A
TONIGHT.
I'M ATTENDING A CONCERT OF A
POPULAR MUSIC GROUP, CALLED
I'M ATTENDING A CONCERT OF A
POPULAR MUSIC GROUP, CALLED
PETER FRAMPTON.
POPULAR MUSIC GROUP, CALLED
PETER FRAMPTON.
FOR SOME REASON, I AM THE ONLY
PETER FRAMPTON.
FOR SOME REASON, I AM THE ONLY
GIRL WHO CAN GET BACKSTAGE.
FOR SOME REASON, I AM THE ONLY
GIRL WHO CAN GET BACKSTAGE.
I CANNOT COMPREHEND THOSE
GIRL WHO CAN GET BACKSTAGE.
I CANNOT COMPREHEND THOSE
IRREGULAR SOUND PATTERNS THAT
I CANNOT COMPREHEND THOSE
IRREGULAR SOUND PATTERNS THAT
YOU ENJOY.
IRREGULAR SOUND PATTERNS THAT
YOU ENJOY.
NOW, THE VIBRA ORBS OF
YOU ENJOY.
NOW, THE VIBRA ORBS OF
REMULAK... THAT WAS MUSIC.
NOW, THE VIBRA ORBS OF
REMULAK... THAT WAS MUSIC.
YES.
REMULAK... THAT WAS MUSIC.
YES.
OH, DADDY, I HATE SCHOOL SO
YES.
OH, DADDY, I HATE SCHOOL SO
MUCH.
OH, DADDY, I HATE SCHOOL SO
MUCH.
I HAVE ABSORBED ALL THE
MUCH.
I HAVE ABSORBED ALL THE
KNOWLEDGE THERE IS TO KNOW.
I HAVE ABSORBED ALL THE
KNOWLEDGE THERE IS TO KNOW.
WHEN WILL THE STAR CRUISERS COME
KNOWLEDGE THERE IS TO KNOW.
WHEN WILL THE STAR CRUISERS COME
TO TAKE US OFF THIS PLANET?
WHEN WILL THE STAR CRUISERS COME
TO TAKE US OFF THIS PLANET?
HEAR ME, YOUNG ONE.
HEAR ME, YOUNG ONE.
YOU ARE PRIVILEGED.
YOU ARE PRIVILEGED.
WHEN I WAS A SMALL CONE, MY
WHEN I WAS A SMALL CONE, MY
FAMILY LIVED IN AN ISOLATED
FAMILY LIVED IN AN ISOLATED
QUADRANT.
QUADRANT.
I HAD TO WALK TEN DEXTRONS,
I HAD TO WALK TEN DEXTRONS,
KNEE-DEEP IN FARLITE CRYSTALS
KNEE-DEEP IN FARLITE CRYSTALS
EACH DAY, TO A LITTLE, RED
EACH DAY, TO A LITTLE, RED
ONE-ROOM DATA CENTER!
ONE-ROOM DATA CENTER!
I'LL NEVER FORGET MY FIRST
I'LL NEVER FORGET MY FIRST
PROGRAMMER, MISS MORLAX.
PROGRAMMER, MISS MORLAX.
I WONDER IF HER LIFE FUNCTIONS
I WONDER IF HER LIFE FUNCTIONS
ARE STILL ACTIVE.
ARE STILL ACTIVE.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
I HAVE TO SPLIT.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
I HAVE TO SPLIT.
I WILL RESPOND TO THE DOOR
I HAVE TO SPLIT.
I WILL RESPOND TO THE DOOR
SIGNAL.
I WILL RESPOND TO THE DOOR
SIGNAL.
ALLOW THE HUMAN TO ENTER.
SIGNAL.
ALLOW THE HUMAN TO ENTER.
RETURN AT THE PREDETERMINED
ALLOW THE HUMAN TO ENTER.
RETURN AT THE PREDETERMINED
TIME COORDINATES.
RETURN AT THE PREDETERMINED
TIME COORDINATES.
I WILL TRY.
TIME COORDINATES.
I WILL TRY.
GREETINGS. ENTER.
I WILL TRY.
GREETINGS. ENTER.
MY NAME IS CONNIE.
GREETINGS. ENTER.
MY NAME IS CONNIE.
I THINK YOU'RE CUTE.
MY NAME IS CONNIE.
I THINK YOU'RE CUTE.
UH, IS THIS THE, UH...
I THINK YOU'RE CUTE.
UH, IS THIS THE, UH...
CON-ED RESIDENCE?
UH, IS THIS THE, UH...
CON-ED RESIDENCE?
CONEHEAD!
CON-ED RESIDENCE?
CONEHEAD!
THE NAME IS CONEHEAD!
CONEHEAD!
THE NAME IS CONEHEAD!
PLEASE IDENTIFY YOURSELF.
THE NAME IS CONEHEAD!
PLEASE IDENTIFY YOURSELF.
I'M ELI TURNBULL OF THE
PLEASE IDENTIFY YOURSELF.
I'M ELI TURNBULL OF THE
INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE.
I'M ELI TURNBULL OF THE
INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE.
I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS I HAVE TO
INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE.
I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS I HAVE TO
ASK YOU HERE.
I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS I HAVE TO
ASK YOU HERE.
VERY WELL. SIT!
ASK YOU HERE.
VERY WELL. SIT!
YOU SEE, MR. CONEHEAD,
VERY WELL. SIT!
YOU SEE, MR. CONEHEAD,
ACCORDING TO OUR RECORDS, YOU'VE
YOU SEE, MR. CONEHEAD,
ACCORDING TO OUR RECORDS, YOU'VE
ONLY, UM...
ACCORDING TO OUR RECORDS, YOU'VE
ONLY, UM...
YOU'VE ONLY BEEN FILING SINCE
ONLY, UM...
YOU'VE ONLY BEEN FILING SINCE
1968.
YOU'VE ONLY BEEN FILING SINCE
1968.
AHH!
1968.
AHH!
THE MORNING MEAL!
AHH!
THE MORNING MEAL!
SHREDDED SWINE FLESH...
THE MORNING MEAL!
SHREDDED SWINE FLESH...
AND FRIED CHICKEN EMBRYOS.
SHREDDED SWINE FLESH...
AND FRIED CHICKEN EMBRYOS.
BEER.
AND FRIED CHICKEN EMBRYOS.
BEER.
DRY CITRUS.
BEER.
DRY CITRUS.
BACON AND EGGS.
DRY CITRUS.
BACON AND EGGS.
MMM...
I... I GUESS YOU FOLKS ARE
REALLY INTO BREAKFAST!
VISITOR, WE ADVISE YOU TO
REALLY INTO BREAKFAST!
VISITOR, WE ADVISE YOU TO
CONSUME MASS QUANTITIES OF FOOD.
VISITOR, WE ADVISE YOU TO
CONSUME MASS QUANTITIES OF FOOD.
HEY, HEY, THAT'S OKAY.
CONSUME MASS QUANTITIES OF FOOD.
HEY, HEY, THAT'S OKAY.
MR. AND MRS. CONEHEAD, I'M JUST
HEY, HEY, THAT'S OKAY.
MR. AND MRS. CONEHEAD, I'M JUST
TRYING TO SORT OUT YOUR TAX
MR. AND MRS. CONEHEAD, I'M JUST
TRYING TO SORT OUT YOUR TAX
SITUATION BEFORE '68.
TRYING TO SORT OUT YOUR TAX
SITUATION BEFORE '68.
NOW, FOR THE LAST NINE YEARS,
SITUATION BEFORE '68.
NOW, FOR THE LAST NINE YEARS,
YOU'VE ONLY BEEN FILING UNDER
NOW, FOR THE LAST NINE YEARS,
YOU'VE ONLY BEEN FILING UNDER
THE NAME "MR. AND
YOU'VE ONLY BEEN FILING UNDER
THE NAME "MR. AND
MRS. CONEHEAD."
THE NAME "MR. AND
MRS. CONEHEAD."
DO YOU HAVE A FIRST NAME?
MRS. CONEHEAD."
DO YOU HAVE A FIRST NAME?
I AM BELDAR!
DO YOU HAVE A FIRST NAME?
I AM BELDAR!
I AM PRYMAAT!
I AM BELDAR!
I AM PRYMAAT!
OKAY.
I AM PRYMAAT!
OKAY.
"BELDAR CONEHEAD."
OKAY.
"BELDAR CONEHEAD."
THAT'S GREAT.
"BELDAR CONEHEAD."
THAT'S GREAT.
NOW IT SAYS HERE YOU'RE
THAT'S GREAT.
NOW IT SAYS HERE YOU'RE
CURRENTLY EMPLOYED AS A
NOW IT SAYS HERE YOU'RE
CURRENTLY EMPLOYED AS A
DRIVING-SCHOOL INSTRUCTOR?
CURRENTLY EMPLOYED AS A
DRIVING-SCHOOL INSTRUCTOR?
CORRECT.
DRIVING-SCHOOL INSTRUCTOR?
CORRECT.
HEY, ISN'T THIS THE DRINK THE
CORRECT.
HEY, ISN'T THIS THE DRINK THE
ASTRONAUTS TOOK TO THE MOON?
HEY, ISN'T THIS THE DRINK THE
ASTRONAUTS TOOK TO THE MOON?
Both: ASTRONAUTS TO THE
ASTRONAUTS TOOK TO THE MOON?
Both: ASTRONAUTS TO THE
MOON?!
Both: ASTRONAUTS TO THE
MOON?!
HA HA HA HA HA!!
MOON?!
HA HA HA HA HA!!
YEAH.
HA HA HA HA HA!!
YEAH.
OKAY, NOW, FROM '68 TO '70, YOU
YEAH.
OKAY, NOW, FROM '68 TO '70, YOU
WERE LIVING AT THE
OKAY, NOW, FROM '68 TO '70, YOU
WERE LIVING AT THE
BURDETTE FALLS SEASON TRAILER
WERE LIVING AT THE
BURDETTE FALLS SEASON TRAILER
PARK IN MOLINE, OHIO?
BURDETTE FALLS SEASON TRAILER
PARK IN MOLINE, OHIO?
IOWA. CORRECT.
PARK IN MOLINE, OHIO?
IOWA. CORRECT.
OKAY, NOW ABOUT THESE
IOWA. CORRECT.
OKAY, NOW ABOUT THESE
DEDUCTIONS FOR LAST YEAR.
OKAY, NOW ABOUT THESE
DEDUCTIONS FOR LAST YEAR.
YOU CLAIMED $2,000 FOR STOCKING
DEDUCTIONS FOR LAST YEAR.
YOU CLAIMED $2,000 FOR STOCKING
CAPS, $7,000 FOR BEER, AND
YOU CLAIMED $2,000 FOR STOCKING
CAPS, $7,000 FOR BEER, AND
$2,000 FOR TITANIUM.
CAPS, $7,000 FOR BEER, AND
$2,000 FOR TITANIUM.
WHAT IS TITANIUM, ANYWAY?
$2,000 FOR TITANIUM.
WHAT IS TITANIUM, ANYWAY?
THE MOST DURABLE METAL KNOWN
WHAT IS TITANIUM, ANYWAY?
THE MOST DURABLE METAL KNOWN
TO MANKIND.
THE MOST DURABLE METAL KNOWN
TO MANKIND.
WE NEED IT TO SURVIVE.
TO MANKIND.
WE NEED IT TO SURVIVE.
OKAY, FINE.
WE NEED IT TO SURVIVE.
OKAY, FINE.
NOW MY MAIN QUESTION IS... WHERE
OKAY, FINE.
NOW MY MAIN QUESTION IS... WHERE
WERE YOU BEFORE 1968?
NOW MY MAIN QUESTION IS... WHERE
WERE YOU BEFORE 1968?
WE HAD NOT YET LANDED ON
WERE YOU BEFORE 1968?
WE HAD NOT YET LANDED ON
THIS... IN THIS COUNTRY.
WE HAD NOT YET LANDED ON
THIS... IN THIS COUNTRY.
OH, I SEE.
THIS... IN THIS COUNTRY.
OH, I SEE.
THEN, YOU'RE NOT FROM THIS
OH, I SEE.
THEN, YOU'RE NOT FROM THIS
COUNTRY.
THEN, YOU'RE NOT FROM THIS
COUNTRY.
YOU'RE ILLEGAL ALIENS.
COUNTRY.
YOU'RE ILLEGAL ALIENS.
YES! WE COME FROM FRANCE!
YOU'RE ILLEGAL ALIENS.
YES! WE COME FROM FRANCE!
FRANCE!
YES! WE COME FROM FRANCE!
FRANCE!
WE CAME FROM FRANCE!
FRANCE!
WE CAME FROM FRANCE!
SO YOU ARE ALIENS!
WE CAME FROM FRANCE!
SO YOU ARE ALIENS!
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT!
SO YOU ARE ALIENS!
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT!
YES, OUR RECORDS WERE LOST
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT!
YES, OUR RECORDS WERE LOST
WHEN THE CRAFT WHICH BROUGHT US
YES, OUR RECORDS WERE LOST
WHEN THE CRAFT WHICH BROUGHT US
FROM FRANCE PLUNGED INTO
WHEN THE CRAFT WHICH BROUGHT US
FROM FRANCE PLUNGED INTO
LAKE MICHIGAN.
FROM FRANCE PLUNGED INTO
LAKE MICHIGAN.
WE CRAWLED FROM THE BOTTOM OF
LAKE MICHIGAN.
WE CRAWLED FROM THE BOTTOM OF
THE LAKE AND LIVED BY NIGHT FOR
WE CRAWLED FROM THE BOTTOM OF
THE LAKE AND LIVED BY NIGHT FOR
YEARS OFF OUR REMAINING
THE LAKE AND LIVED BY NIGHT FOR
YEARS OFF OUR REMAINING
PROTO-CAPS.
YEARS OFF OUR REMAINING
PROTO-CAPS.
YEAH.
PROTO-CAPS.
YEAH.
LISTEN.
YEAH.
LISTEN.
I THINK I'VE GOT ALL THE
LISTEN.
I THINK I'VE GOT ALL THE
INFORMATION I NEED RIGHT HERE.
I THINK I'VE GOT ALL THE
INFORMATION I NEED RIGHT HERE.
I'M JUST GOING TO TURN THIS OVER
INFORMATION I NEED RIGHT HERE.
I'M JUST GOING TO TURN THIS OVER
TO MISSING RECORDS, AND THERE'S
I'M JUST GOING TO TURN THIS OVER
TO MISSING RECORDS, AND THERE'S
NO PROBLEM.
TO MISSING RECORDS, AND THERE'S
NO PROBLEM.
YOU KNOW, I MEAN, I KNOW WHERE
NO PROBLEM.
YOU KNOW, I MEAN, I KNOW WHERE
YOU'RE COMING FROM, HEY!
YOU KNOW, I MEAN, I KNOW WHERE
YOU'RE COMING FROM, HEY!
STOCKING CAPS, TITANIUM, AND
YOU'RE COMING FROM, HEY!
STOCKING CAPS, TITANIUM, AND
BEER... WHAT THE HECK, HAPPENS
STOCKING CAPS, TITANIUM, AND
BEER... WHAT THE HECK, HAPPENS
ALL THE TIME!
BEER... WHAT THE HECK, HAPPENS
ALL THE TIME!
SO I'LL BE GOING.
ALL THE TIME!
SO I'LL BE GOING.
ALL THINGS ARE WOVEN OF THE
SO I'LL BE GOING.
ALL THINGS ARE WOVEN OF THE
SAME MOLECULAR FIBER!
ALL THINGS ARE WOVEN OF THE
SAME MOLECULAR FIBER!
THAT'S SO TRUE.
SAME MOLECULAR FIBER!
THAT'S SO TRUE.
I'M GONNA WRITE THAT DOWN.
THAT'S SO TRUE.
I'M GONNA WRITE THAT DOWN.
HEY, TAXES ARE NO BIG DEAL, SO,
I'M GONNA WRITE THAT DOWN.
HEY, TAXES ARE NO BIG DEAL, SO,
UH, YOU CALL US!
HEY, TAXES ARE NO BIG DEAL, SO,
UH, YOU CALL US!
NO PROBLEM!
UH, YOU CALL US!
NO PROBLEM!
HAVE A SAFE JOURNEY.
NO PROBLEM!
HAVE A SAFE JOURNEY.
SOMEDAY, YOU CAN TAKE ME TO
HAVE A SAFE JOURNEY.
SOMEDAY, YOU CAN TAKE ME TO
YOUR SUPERVISOR.
SOMEDAY, YOU CAN TAKE ME TO
YOUR SUPERVISOR.
GREAT, GREAT.
YOUR SUPERVISOR.
GREAT, GREAT.
DO WE HAVE TIME FOR A QUICK
GREAT, GREAT.
DO WE HAVE TIME FOR A QUICK
ONE BEFORE I MUST PREPARE FOR
DO WE HAVE TIME FOR A QUICK
ONE BEFORE I MUST PREPARE FOR
WORK?
ONE BEFORE I MUST PREPARE FOR
WORK?
YES.
WORK?
YES.
LET'S DO IT RIGHT HERE IN THE
YES.
LET'S DO IT RIGHT HERE IN THE
LIVING ROOM.
LET'S DO IT RIGHT HERE IN THE
LIVING ROOM.
YES, LET'S.
YOU HAVE STIMULATED ME!
YOU HAVE STIMULATED ME!
YOU HAVE STIMULATED ME!
[PLAYING CLASSICAL MUSIC]
[SINGING "NUR WER DIE
SEHNSUCHT KENNT"]
[OLYMPICS THEME PLAYS]
GOOD EVENING, EVERYBODY, AND
WELCOME TO "CELEBRITY
WEIGHT LIFTING."
WELCOME TO "CELEBRITY
WEIGHT LIFTING."
TONIGHT'S BIG TREAT, OF COURSE,
WEIGHT LIFTING."
TONIGHT'S BIG TREAT, OF COURSE,
IS THE CLEAN-AND-JERK
TONIGHT'S BIG TREAT, OF COURSE,
IS THE CLEAN-AND-JERK
COMPETITION FEATURING
IS THE CLEAN-AND-JERK
COMPETITION FEATURING
VASILIY ALEKSEYEV, THE BIG
COMPETITION FEATURING
VASILIY ALEKSEYEV, THE BIG
RUSSIAN WHO'S WON THIS EVENT
VASILIY ALEKSEYEV, THE BIG
RUSSIAN WHO'S WON THIS EVENT
THREE TIMES IN THE OLYMPIC
RUSSIAN WHO'S WON THIS EVENT
THREE TIMES IN THE OLYMPIC
GAMES, THREE GOLDS.
THREE TIMES IN THE OLYMPIC
GAMES, THREE GOLDS.
AND HIS OPPONENT TONIGHT WILL BE
GAMES, THREE GOLDS.
AND HIS OPPONENT TONIGHT WILL BE
JACQUELINE KENNEDY ONASSIS, THE
AND HIS OPPONENT TONIGHT WILL BE
JACQUELINE KENNEDY ONASSIS, THE
SOCIALITE AND FORMER FIRST LADY.
JACQUELINE KENNEDY ONASSIS, THE
SOCIALITE AND FORMER FIRST LADY.
NOW THERE'S NO DOUBT ABOUT IT
SOCIALITE AND FORMER FIRST LADY.
NOW THERE'S NO DOUBT ABOUT IT
THAT ALEKSEYEV'S AT THE TOP OF
NOW THERE'S NO DOUBT ABOUT IT
THAT ALEKSEYEV'S AT THE TOP OF
HIS FORM NOW.
THAT ALEKSEYEV'S AT THE TOP OF
HIS FORM NOW.
OF COURSE, HE BROKE HIS OWN
HIS FORM NOW.
OF COURSE, HE BROKE HIS OWN
RECORD LAST YEAR AT MONTREAL IN
OF COURSE, HE BROKE HIS OWN
RECORD LAST YEAR AT MONTREAL IN
THE OLYMPIC GAMES THERE.
RECORD LAST YEAR AT MONTREAL IN
THE OLYMPIC GAMES THERE.
NO QUESTION ABOUT IT.
THE OLYMPIC GAMES THERE.
NO QUESTION ABOUT IT.
JACKIE, OF COURSE, HAS BEEN
NO QUESTION ABOUT IT.
JACKIE, OF COURSE, HAS BEEN
PLAGUED WITH INJURIES.
JACKIE, OF COURSE, HAS BEEN
PLAGUED WITH INJURIES.
PERHAPS MOST RECENTLY IS THAT
PLAGUED WITH INJURIES.
PERHAPS MOST RECENTLY IS THAT
BIG RIB-CAGE SEPARATION SHE
PERHAPS MOST RECENTLY IS THAT
BIG RIB-CAGE SEPARATION SHE
SUFFERED JUST A FEW WEEKS AGO
BIG RIB-CAGE SEPARATION SHE
SUFFERED JUST A FEW WEEKS AGO
OVER AT THE METROPOLITAN MUSEUM
SUFFERED JUST A FEW WEEKS AGO
OVER AT THE METROPOLITAN MUSEUM
OF ART... THEIR IMPERIAL RUSSIAN
OVER AT THE METROPOLITAN MUSEUM
OF ART... THEIR IMPERIAL RUSSIAN
COSTUME EXHIBITION OVER THERE.
OF ART... THEIR IMPERIAL RUSSIAN
COSTUME EXHIBITION OVER THERE.
THAT MUST STILL HURT.
COSTUME EXHIBITION OVER THERE.
THAT MUST STILL HURT.
JUST HOW MUCH WE'RE GONNA SEE IN
THAT MUST STILL HURT.
JUST HOW MUCH WE'RE GONNA SEE IN
A MOMENT.
JUST HOW MUCH WE'RE GONNA SEE IN
A MOMENT.
OKAY, LOOKS LIKE VASILIY IS
A MOMENT.
OKAY, LOOKS LIKE VASILIY IS
ABOUT READY TO MAKE HIS FIRST
OKAY, LOOKS LIKE VASILIY IS
ABOUT READY TO MAKE HIS FIRST
ATTEMPT, AT A WEIGHT OF 250
ABOUT READY TO MAKE HIS FIRST
ATTEMPT, AT A WEIGHT OF 250
KILOGRAMS.
ATTEMPT, AT A WEIGHT OF 250
KILOGRAMS.
OH, LOOK AT THAT NECK.
KILOGRAMS.
OH, LOOK AT THAT NECK.
[CHUCKLES]
OH, LOOK AT THAT NECK.
[CHUCKLES]
I UNDERSTAND IT'S A 19-INCH NECK
[CHUCKLES]
I UNDERSTAND IT'S A 19-INCH NECK
THE RUSSIAN HAS.
IT'S UP.
IT'S UP.
HE'S CLEANED IT.
IT'S UP.
HE'S CLEANED IT.
AND IT'S GOOD!
HE'S CLEANED IT.
AND IT'S GOOD!
IT'S GOOD.
AND IT'S GOOD!
IT'S GOOD.
A VERY FINE LIFT FOR
IT'S GOOD.
A VERY FINE LIFT FOR
ALEKSEYEV... 250 KILOGRAMS.
A VERY FINE LIFT FOR
ALEKSEYEV... 250 KILOGRAMS.
YOU CAN SEE WHY HE WON THE GOLD
ALEKSEYEV... 250 KILOGRAMS.
YOU CAN SEE WHY HE WON THE GOLD
MEDAL LAST YEAR IN MONTREAL.
YOU CAN SEE WHY HE WON THE GOLD
MEDAL LAST YEAR IN MONTREAL.
NOW IT LOOKS LIKE MISS ONASSIS
MEDAL LAST YEAR IN MONTREAL.
NOW IT LOOKS LIKE MISS ONASSIS
IS APPROACHING THE BAR.
NOW IT LOOKS LIKE MISS ONASSIS
IS APPROACHING THE BAR.
IT'S GONNA BE HER FIRST ATTEMPT.
IS APPROACHING THE BAR.
IT'S GONNA BE HER FIRST ATTEMPT.
WHAT A COMPETITOR.
IT'S GONNA BE HER FIRST ATTEMPT.
WHAT A COMPETITOR.
SHE'S GOT A LOT OF DRIVE.
WHAT A COMPETITOR.
SHE'S GOT A LOT OF DRIVE.
I GUESS IT RUNS IN THE FAMILY,
SHE'S GOT A LOT OF DRIVE.
I GUESS IT RUNS IN THE FAMILY,
YOU KNOW, AND SHE'S APPROACHING
I GUESS IT RUNS IN THE FAMILY,
YOU KNOW, AND SHE'S APPROACHING
THE BAR.
YOU KNOW, AND SHE'S APPROACHING
THE BAR.
YOU KNOW, SHE GAVE SOME GATORADE
THE BAR.
YOU KNOW, SHE GAVE SOME GATORADE
TO ALEKSEYEV IN THE LOCKER ROOM.
YOU KNOW, SHE GAVE SOME GATORADE
TO ALEKSEYEV IN THE LOCKER ROOM.
HE SAID HE NEVER TRIED IT.
TO ALEKSEYEV IN THE LOCKER ROOM.
HE SAID HE NEVER TRIED IT.
THEY WERE GONNA ARRANGE TO GET A
HE SAID HE NEVER TRIED IT.
THEY WERE GONNA ARRANGE TO GET A
COUPLE OF CASES SENT OVER TO THE
THEY WERE GONNA ARRANGE TO GET A
COUPLE OF CASES SENT OVER TO THE
SOVIET UNION SO HE COULD USE AT
COUPLE OF CASES SENT OVER TO THE
SOVIET UNION SO HE COULD USE AT
HIS OWN TRAINING CAMP.
SOVIET UNION SO HE COULD USE AT
HIS OWN TRAINING CAMP.
OOP.
HIS OWN TRAINING CAMP.
OOP.
SHE'S NOT HAPPY WITH HER GRIP.
OOP.
SHE'S NOT HAPPY WITH HER GRIP.
AND I DON'T BLAME HER.
SHE'S NOT HAPPY WITH HER GRIP.
AND I DON'T BLAME HER.
IF YOU'RE NOT READY, YOU JUST
AND I DON'T BLAME HER.
IF YOU'RE NOT READY, YOU JUST
WALK AWAY FROM THE BAR.
IF YOU'RE NOT READY, YOU JUST
WALK AWAY FROM THE BAR.
IT'S THE WAY THEY SAY TO DO IT,
WALK AWAY FROM THE BAR.
IT'S THE WAY THEY SAY TO DO IT,
AND SHE'S RIGHT TO DO IT.
IT'S THE WAY THEY SAY TO DO IT,
AND SHE'S RIGHT TO DO IT.
OKAY, SHE'S GOT IT.
SHE SEEMS A LITTLE BIT UNSTEADY.
SHE'S GOT IT.
SHE IS CLEANING IT.
SHE'S GOT IT.
SHE IS CLEANING IT.
SHE'S TRYING TO CLEAN IT.
SHE IS CLEANING IT.
SHE'S TRYING TO CLEAN IT.
SHE'S TRYING TO CLEAN.
SHE'S TRYING TO CLEAN IT.
SHE'S TRYING TO CLEAN.
SHE'S AT THE BELLY.
SHE'S TRYING TO CLEAN.
SHE'S AT THE BELLY.
COME ON!
SHE'S AT THE BELLY.
COME ON!
SHE'S CLEANED IT!
COME ON!
SHE'S CLEANED IT!
SHE'S CLEANED IT.
SHE'S CLEANED IT!
SHE'S CLEANED IT.
THE JUDGES HAVE SIGNALED.
SHE'S CLEANED IT.
THE JUDGES HAVE SIGNALED.
SHE'S CLEANED IT.
THE JUDGES HAVE SIGNALED.
SHE'S CLEANED IT.
NOW IF SHE COULD ONLY GET IT UP
SHE'S CLEANED IT.
NOW IF SHE COULD ONLY GET IT UP
FULL EXTENSION.
NOW IF SHE COULD ONLY GET IT UP
FULL EXTENSION.
SHE NEEDS FOR ONE FULL SECOND.
FULL EXTENSION.
SHE NEEDS FOR ONE FULL SECOND.
FULL EXTENSION... SHE'S GOT IT!
SHE NEEDS FOR ONE FULL SECOND.
FULL EXTENSION... SHE'S GOT IT!
SHE'S GOT IT!
FULL EXTENSION... SHE'S GOT IT!
SHE'S GOT IT!
TRYING TO KEEP IT THERE.
SHE'S GOT IT!
TRYING TO KEEP IT THERE.
OH, OH!
TRYING TO KEEP IT THERE.
OH, OH!
SHE'S GOT TO BE STEADY.
OH, OH!
SHE'S GOT TO BE STEADY.
OH, NO!
SHE'S GOT TO BE STEADY.
OH, NO!
OH, SHE HAD TO REMAIN STEADY.
OH, NO!
OH, SHE HAD TO REMAIN STEADY.
THE JUDGES, OF COURSE, ARE GONNA
OH, SHE HAD TO REMAIN STEADY.
THE JUDGES, OF COURSE, ARE GONNA
GIVE IT TO ALEKSEYEV.
THE JUDGES, OF COURSE, ARE GONNA
GIVE IT TO ALEKSEYEV.
OH, VASILIY, ANOTHER CONVINCING
GIVE IT TO ALEKSEYEV.
OH, VASILIY, ANOTHER CONVINCING
VICTORY... IF ONLY SHE COULD
OH, VASILIY, ANOTHER CONVINCING
VICTORY... IF ONLY SHE COULD
HAVE HUNG ON.
VICTORY... IF ONLY SHE COULD
HAVE HUNG ON.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR
HAVE HUNG ON.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR
WEIGHT TONIGHT?
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR
WEIGHT TONIGHT?
[SPEAKING RUSSIAN]
WEIGHT TONIGHT?
[SPEAKING RUSSIAN]
MAYBE YOU COULD GET ME AMERICAN
[SPEAKING RUSSIAN]
MAYBE YOU COULD GET ME AMERICAN
BLUE JEANS SOMETIME?
MAYBE YOU COULD GET ME AMERICAN
BLUE JEANS SOMETIME?
LOVE TO, ALEKSEYEV.
BLUE JEANS SOMETIME?
LOVE TO, ALEKSEYEV.
YOU CERTAINLY EARNED IT WITH
LOVE TO, ALEKSEYEV.
YOU CERTAINLY EARNED IT WITH
YOUR PERFORMANCE TONIGHT.
YOU CERTAINLY EARNED IT WITH
YOUR PERFORMANCE TONIGHT.
LET ME CHECK ON MISS ONASSIS'
YOUR PERFORMANCE TONIGHT.
LET ME CHECK ON MISS ONASSIS'
CONDITION.
LET ME CHECK ON MISS ONASSIS'
CONDITION.
JACKIE, HOW ARE YOU?
CONDITION.
JACKIE, HOW ARE YOU?
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE
JACKIE, HOW ARE YOU?
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE
LIFT?
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE
LIFT?
WELL, I-I THINK IT'S MY
LIFT?
WELL, I-I THINK IT'S MY
COLLARBONE.
WELL, I-I THINK IT'S MY
COLLARBONE.
I-I BROKE IT.
COLLARBONE.
I-I BROKE IT.
SHE BROKE THE COLLARBONE.
I-I BROKE IT.
SHE BROKE THE COLLARBONE.
WELL, IT'S ALWAYS THE
SHE BROKE THE COLLARBONE.
WELL, IT'S ALWAYS THE
COLLARBONE.
WELL, IT'S ALWAYS THE
COLLARBONE.
THAT'S WHAT THEY ALWAYS SAY.
COLLARBONE.
THAT'S WHAT THEY ALWAYS SAY.
WELL, YOU CAN'T HELP BUT WONDER
THAT'S WHAT THEY ALWAYS SAY.
WELL, YOU CAN'T HELP BUT WONDER
IF MAYBE JACKIE WILL BE MISSING
WELL, YOU CAN'T HELP BUT WONDER
IF MAYBE JACKIE WILL BE MISSING
THAT BIG PARTY FOR
IF MAYBE JACKIE WILL BE MISSING
THAT BIG PARTY FOR
RUDOLF NUREYEV THIS MONDAY
THAT BIG PARTY FOR
RUDOLF NUREYEV THIS MONDAY
NIGHT.
RUDOLF NUREYEV THIS MONDAY
NIGHT.
SHE WON'T BE ABLE TO COMPETE AT
NIGHT.
SHE WON'T BE ABLE TO COMPETE AT
THAT DRINK FEST, NO QUESTION
SHE WON'T BE ABLE TO COMPETE AT
THAT DRINK FEST, NO QUESTION
ABOUT IT.
THAT DRINK FEST, NO QUESTION
ABOUT IT.
WE'RE ABOUT OUT OF TIME RIGHT
ABOUT IT.
WE'RE ABOUT OUT OF TIME RIGHT
NOW, BUT PLEASE COME ON BACK.
WE'RE ABOUT OUT OF TIME RIGHT
NOW, BUT PLEASE COME ON BACK.
JOIN US NEXT SATURDAY NIGHT,
NOW, BUT PLEASE COME ON BACK.
JOIN US NEXT SATURDAY NIGHT,
WHEN THE FINALS OF THE 2-HANDED
JOIN US NEXT SATURDAY NIGHT,
WHEN THE FINALS OF THE 2-HANDED
SNATCH WILL FEATURE
WHEN THE FINALS OF THE 2-HANDED
SNATCH WILL FEATURE
ARETHA FRANKLIN AND
SNATCH WILL FEATURE
ARETHA FRANKLIN AND
ERIC SEVAREID.
ARETHA FRANKLIN AND
ERIC SEVAREID.
WE'LL SEE YOU THEN.
ERIC SEVAREID.
WE'LL SEE YOU THEN.
KEEP LIFTING.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE
"SATURDAY NIGHT" SHOW IS PROUD
TO PRESENT THE KINKS.
"SATURDAY NIGHT" SHOW IS PROUD
TO PRESENT THE KINKS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
TO PRESENT THE KINKS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
["YOU REALLY GOT ME"
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
["YOU REALLY GOT ME"
INTRODUCTION PLAYS]
["YOU REALLY GOT ME"
INTRODUCTION PLAYS]
YEAH, ALL RIGHT.
[INTRODUCTION PLAYS]
YEAH, ALL RIGHT.
♪ GIRL, YOU REALLY GOT ME
YEAH, ALL RIGHT.
♪ GIRL, YOU REALLY GOT ME
GOIN' ♪
♪ GIRL, YOU REALLY GOT ME
GOIN' ♪
♪ YOU GOT ME SO I DON'T KNOW
GOIN' ♪
♪ YOU GOT ME SO I DON'T KNOW
WHAT I'M DOIN' ♪
♪ YOU GOT ME SO I DON'T KNOW
WHAT I'M DOIN' ♪
♪ YEAH, YOU REALLY GOT ME NOW ♪
WHAT I'M DOIN' ♪
♪ YEAH, YOU REALLY GOT ME NOW ♪
♪ YOU GOT ME SO I CAN'T SLEEP
♪ YEAH, YOU REALLY GOT ME NOW ♪
♪ YOU GOT ME SO I CAN'T SLEEP
AT NIGHT ♪
♪ YOU GOT ME SO I CAN'T SLEEP
AT NIGHT ♪
♪ YEAH, YOU REALLY GOT ME NOW ♪
AT NIGHT ♪
♪ YEAH, YOU REALLY GOT ME NOW ♪
♪ YOU GOT ME SO I DON'T KNOW
♪ YEAH, YOU REALLY GOT ME NOW ♪
♪ YOU GOT ME SO I DON'T KNOW
WHAT I'M DOIN' ♪
♪ YOU GOT ME SO I DON'T KNOW
WHAT I'M DOIN' ♪
♪ OH, YEAH, YOU REALLY
WHAT I'M DOIN' ♪
♪ OH, YEAH, YOU REALLY
GOT ME NOW ♪
♪ OH, YEAH, YOU REALLY
GOT ME NOW ♪
♪ YOU GOT ME SO I CAN'T SLEEP
GOT ME NOW ♪
♪ YOU GOT ME SO I CAN'T SLEEP
AT NIGHT ♪
♪ YOU GOT ME SO I CAN'T SLEEP
AT NIGHT ♪
♪ YOU REALLY GOT ME ♪
AT NIGHT ♪
♪ YOU REALLY GOT ME ♪
♪ YOU REALLY GOT ME ♪
♪ YOU REALLY GOT ME ♪
♪ YOU REALLY GOT ME ♪
♪ YOU REALLY GOT ME ♪♪
♪ YOU REALLY GOT ME ♪
♪ YOU REALLY GOT ME ♪♪
♪ I'M NOT CONTENT TO BE WITH YOU
♪ YOU REALLY GOT ME ♪♪
♪ I'M NOT CONTENT TO BE WITH YOU
IN THE DAYTIME ♪
♪ I'M NOT CONTENT TO BE WITH YOU
IN THE DAYTIME ♪
♪ GIRL, I WANT TO BE WITH YOU
IN THE DAYTIME ♪
♪ GIRL, I WANT TO BE WITH YOU
ALL OF THE TIME ♪
♪ GIRL, I WANT TO BE WITH YOU
ALL OF THE TIME ♪
♪ THE ONLY TIME I FEEL ALL RIGHT
ALL OF THE TIME ♪
♪ THE ONLY TIME I FEEL ALL RIGHT
IS BY YOUR SIDE ♪
♪ THE ONLY TIME I FEEL ALL RIGHT
IS BY YOUR SIDE ♪
♪ GIRL, I WANT TO BE WITH YOU
IS BY YOUR SIDE ♪
♪ GIRL, I WANT TO BE WITH YOU
ALL OF THE TIME ♪
♪ GIRL, I WANT TO BE WITH YOU
ALL OF THE TIME ♪
♪ ALL DAY AND ALL OF THE NIGHT ♪
ALL OF THE TIME ♪
♪ ALL DAY AND ALL OF THE NIGHT ♪
♪ ALL DAY AND ALL OF THE NIGHT ♪
♪ ALL DAY AND ALL OF THE NIGHT ♪
♪ ALL DAY AND ALL OF THE NIGHT ♪
♪ ALL DAY
♪ ALL DAY AND ALL OF THE NIGHT ♪
♪ ALL DAY
AND ALL OF THE NIGHT ♪♪
♪ HE GETS UP IN THE MORNING,
AND HE GOES TO WORK AT NIGHT ♪
♪ AND HE COMES BACK HOME
AND HE GOES TO WORK AT NIGHT ♪
♪ AND HE COMES BACK HOME
AT 5:30 ♪
♪ AND HE COMES BACK HOME
AT 5:30 ♪
♪ GETS THE SAME TRAIN
AT 5:30 ♪
♪ GETS THE SAME TRAIN
EVERY TIME ♪
♪ GETS THE SAME TRAIN
EVERY TIME ♪
♪ 'CAUSE HIS WORLD IS BUILT
EVERY TIME ♪
♪ 'CAUSE HIS WORLD IS BUILT
ON PUNCTUALITY ♪
♪ 'CAUSE HIS WORLD IS BUILT
ON PUNCTUALITY ♪
♪ IT NEVER FAILS ♪
ON PUNCTUALITY ♪
♪ IT NEVER FAILS ♪
♪ AND HE'S OH, SO GOOD ♪
♪ IT NEVER FAILS ♪
♪ AND HE'S OH, SO GOOD ♪
♪ AND HE'S OH, SO FINE ♪
♪ AND HE'S OH, SO GOOD ♪
♪ AND HE'S OH, SO FINE ♪
♪ AND HE'S OH, SO HEALTHY
♪ AND HE'S OH, SO FINE ♪
♪ AND HE'S OH, SO HEALTHY
IN HIS BODY AND HIS MIND ♪
♪ AND HE'S OH, SO HEALTHY
IN HIS BODY AND HIS MIND ♪
♪ HE'S A WELL-RESPECTED
IN HIS BODY AND HIS MIND ♪
♪ HE'S A WELL-RESPECTED
MAN ABOUT TOWN ♪
♪ HE'S A WELL-RESPECTED
MAN ABOUT TOWN ♪
♪ DOING THE BEST THINGS
MAN ABOUT TOWN ♪
♪ DOING THE BEST THINGS
SO CONSERVATIVELY ♪
♪ DOING THE BEST THINGS
SO CONSERVATIVELY ♪
♪ AND HE'S OH, SO GOOD ♪
SO CONSERVATIVELY ♪
♪ AND HE'S OH, SO GOOD ♪
♪ AND HE'S OH, SO FINE ♪
♪ AND HE'S OH, SO GOOD ♪
♪ AND HE'S OH, SO FINE ♪
♪ AND HE'S OH, SO HEALTHY
♪ AND HE'S OH, SO FINE ♪
♪ AND HE'S OH, SO HEALTHY
IN HIS BODY AND HIS MIND ♪
♪ AND HE'S OH, SO HEALTHY
IN HIS BODY AND HIS MIND ♪
♪ HE'S A WELL-RESPECTED
IN HIS BODY AND HIS MIND ♪
♪ HE'S A WELL-RESPECTED
MAN ABOUT TOWN ♪
♪ HE'S A WELL-RESPECTED
MAN ABOUT TOWN ♪
♪ DOING THE BEST THINGS
MAN ABOUT TOWN ♪
♪ DOING THE BEST THINGS
SO CONSERVATIVELY ♪♪
♪ DOING THE BEST THINGS
SO CONSERVATIVELY ♪♪
[PLAYS "LOLA" INTRODUCTION]
SO CONSERVATIVELY ♪♪
[PLAYS "LOLA" INTRODUCTION]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[PLAYS "LOLA" INTRODUCTION]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ I MET HER IN A CLUB
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ I MET HER IN A CLUB
DOWN IN OLD SOHO,
♪ I MET HER IN A CLUB
DOWN IN OLD SOHO,
WHERE YOU DRINK CHAMPAGNE
DOWN IN OLD SOHO,
WHERE YOU DRINK CHAMPAGNE
AND IT TASTES JUST LIKE
WHERE YOU DRINK CHAMPAGNE
AND IT TASTES JUST LIKE
COCA-COLA ♪
AND IT TASTES JUST LIKE
COCA-COLA ♪
♪ C-O-L-A COLA ♪
COCA-COLA ♪
♪ C-O-L-A COLA ♪
♪ SHE WALKED UP TO ME,
♪ C-O-L-A COLA ♪
♪ SHE WALKED UP TO ME,
AND SHE ASKED ME TO DANCE ♪
♪ SHE WALKED UP TO ME,
AND SHE ASKED ME TO DANCE ♪
♪ I ASKED HER HER NAME,
AND SHE ASKED ME TO DANCE ♪
♪ I ASKED HER HER NAME,
AND IN A DARK BROWN VOICE
♪ I ASKED HER HER NAME,
AND IN A DARK BROWN VOICE
SHE SAID, "LOLA" ♪
AND IN A DARK BROWN VOICE
SHE SAID, "LOLA" ♪
♪ L-O-L-A LOLA ♪
SHE SAID, "LOLA" ♪
♪ L-O-L-A LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ L-O-L-A LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ WELL, I'M NOT THE WORLD'S
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ WELL, I'M NOT THE WORLD'S
MOST PHYSICAL GUY,
♪ WELL, I'M NOT THE WORLD'S
MOST PHYSICAL GUY,
BUT WHEN SHE SQUEEZED ME TIGHT
MOST PHYSICAL GUY,
BUT WHEN SHE SQUEEZED ME TIGHT
SHE NEARLY BROKE MY SPINE ♪
BUT WHEN SHE SQUEEZED ME TIGHT
SHE NEARLY BROKE MY SPINE ♪
♪ OH, MY, LOLA ♪
SHE NEARLY BROKE MY SPINE ♪
♪ OH, MY, LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ OH, MY, LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ WELL, I'M NOT DUMB,
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ WELL, I'M NOT DUMB,
BUT I CANT UNDERSTAND
♪ WELL, I'M NOT DUMB,
BUT I CANT UNDERSTAND
WHY SHE WALKED LIKE A WOMAN
BUT I CANT UNDERSTAND
WHY SHE WALKED LIKE A WOMAN
BUT TALKED LIKE A MAN ♪
WHY SHE WALKED LIKE A WOMAN
BUT TALKED LIKE A MAN ♪
♪ OH, MY, LOLA ♪
BUT TALKED LIKE A MAN ♪
♪ OH, MY, LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ OH, MY, LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ WELL, I PUSHED HER AWAY ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ WELL, I PUSHED HER AWAY ♪
♪ WALKED TO THE DOOR ♪
♪ WELL, I PUSHED HER AWAY ♪
♪ WALKED TO THE DOOR ♪
♪ I FELL TO THE FLOOR ♪
♪ WALKED TO THE DOOR ♪
♪ I FELL TO THE FLOOR ♪
♪ I GOT DOWN ON MY KNEES ♪
♪ I FELL TO THE FLOOR ♪
♪ I GOT DOWN ON MY KNEES ♪
♪ THEN I LOOKED AT HER
♪ I GOT DOWN ON MY KNEES ♪
♪ THEN I LOOKED AT HER
AND SHE AT ME ♪
♪ THEN I LOOKED AT HER
AND SHE AT ME ♪
♪ WELL, THAT'S THE WAY
AND SHE AT ME ♪
♪ WELL, THAT'S THE WAY
THAT I WANT IT TO STAY ♪
♪ WELL, THAT'S THE WAY
THAT I WANT IT TO STAY ♪
♪ I ALWAYS WANT IT TO BE
THAT I WANT IT TO STAY ♪
♪ I ALWAYS WANT IT TO BE
THAT WAY FOR MY LOLA ♪
♪ I ALWAYS WANT IT TO BE
THAT WAY FOR MY LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
THAT WAY FOR MY LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ GIRLS WILL BE BOYS,
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ GIRLS WILL BE BOYS,
AND BOYS WILL BE GIRLS ♪
♪ GIRLS WILL BE BOYS,
AND BOYS WILL BE GIRLS ♪
♪ IT'S A MIXED-UP, MUDDLED-UP,
AND BOYS WILL BE GIRLS ♪
♪ IT'S A MIXED-UP, MUDDLED-UP,
SHOOK-UP WORLD EXCEPT FOR LOLA ♪
♪ IT'S A MIXED-UP, MUDDLED-UP,
SHOOK-UP WORLD EXCEPT FOR LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
SHOOK-UP WORLD EXCEPT FOR LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
♪ LO-LO-LO-LO LOLA ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Announcer: AND NOW "WEEKEND
UPDATE," WITH JANE CURTIN.
HI.
UPDATE," WITH JANE CURTIN.
HI.
I'M JANE CURTIN.
HI.
I'M JANE CURTIN.
REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I DID
I'M JANE CURTIN.
REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I DID
"UPDATE" FROM THIS DESK?
REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I DID
"UPDATE" FROM THIS DESK?
NOT TONIGHT.
"UPDATE" FROM THIS DESK?
NOT TONIGHT.
I HAVE A HEADACHE.
NOT TONIGHT.
I HAVE A HEADACHE.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... A
I HAVE A HEADACHE.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... A
REPORT FROM FLORIDA STATES THAT
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... A
REPORT FROM FLORIDA STATES THAT
ANITA BRYANT PLANS TO UNDERGO A
REPORT FROM FLORIDA STATES THAT
ANITA BRYANT PLANS TO UNDERGO A
SEX-CHANGE OPERATION THIS
ANITA BRYANT PLANS TO UNDERGO A
SEX-CHANGE OPERATION THIS
SPRING.
SEX-CHANGE OPERATION THIS
SPRING.
THE EXACT DATE WILL NOT BE SET
SPRING.
THE EXACT DATE WILL NOT BE SET
UNTIL THE POPULAR TV PERSONALITY
THE EXACT DATE WILL NOT BE SET
UNTIL THE POPULAR TV PERSONALITY
DECIDES WHICH SEX TO CHANGE TO.
UNTIL THE POPULAR TV PERSONALITY
DECIDES WHICH SEX TO CHANGE TO.
MORE ON THIS STORY AS IT
DECIDES WHICH SEX TO CHANGE TO.
MORE ON THIS STORY AS IT
DEVELOPS.
MORE ON THIS STORY AS IT
DEVELOPS.
WELL, BEGINNING MARCH 15th, "THE
DEVELOPS.
WELL, BEGINNING MARCH 15th, "THE
TONIGHT SHOW," STARRING
WELL, BEGINNING MARCH 15th, "THE
TONIGHT SHOW," STARRING
JOHNNY CARSON, WILL BE BROADCAST
TONIGHT SHOW," STARRING
JOHNNY CARSON, WILL BE BROADCAST
LIVE ON THE NBC TV NETWORK.
JOHNNY CARSON, WILL BE BROADCAST
LIVE ON THE NBC TV NETWORK.
CARSON, WHO HAS BEEN DOING THE
LIVE ON THE NBC TV NETWORK.
CARSON, WHO HAS BEEN DOING THE
SHOW DEAD FOR THE PAST 15 YEARS,
CARSON, WHO HAS BEEN DOING THE
SHOW DEAD FOR THE PAST 15 YEARS,
COULD NOT EXPLAIN HOW HE WAS
SHOW DEAD FOR THE PAST 15 YEARS,
COULD NOT EXPLAIN HOW HE WAS
GOING TO MAKE THAT TRANSITION.
COULD NOT EXPLAIN HOW HE WAS
GOING TO MAKE THAT TRANSITION.
THE GREENWICH VILLAGE COMMUNITY
GOING TO MAKE THAT TRANSITION.
THE GREENWICH VILLAGE COMMUNITY
COURT TODAY CONVICTED THE CITY
THE GREENWICH VILLAGE COMMUNITY
COURT TODAY CONVICTED THE CITY
OF CINCINNATI FOR OBSCENITY FOR
COURT TODAY CONVICTED THE CITY
OF CINCINNATI FOR OBSCENITY FOR
THEIR CONVICTION OF HUSTLER
OF CINCINNATI FOR OBSCENITY FOR
THEIR CONVICTION OF HUSTLER
MAGAZINE PUBLISHER LARRY FLYNT.
THEIR CONVICTION OF HUSTLER
MAGAZINE PUBLISHER LARRY FLYNT.
THE GREENWICH VILLAGE COURT
MAGAZINE PUBLISHER LARRY FLYNT.
THE GREENWICH VILLAGE COURT
SENTENCED THE PEOPLE OF
THE GREENWICH VILLAGE COURT
SENTENCED THE PEOPLE OF
CINCINNATI TO LIVE IN
SENTENCED THE PEOPLE OF
CINCINNATI TO LIVE IN
CINCINNATI.
CINCINNATI TO LIVE IN
CINCINNATI.
ALTHOUGH PRESIDENT CARTER HAS
CINCINNATI.
ALTHOUGH PRESIDENT CARTER HAS
FORBIDDEN THE DRINKING OF HARD
ALTHOUGH PRESIDENT CARTER HAS
FORBIDDEN THE DRINKING OF HARD
LIQUOR IN THE WHITE HOUSE, HE
FORBIDDEN THE DRINKING OF HARD
LIQUOR IN THE WHITE HOUSE, HE
REVEALED THIS WEEK THAT HE
LIQUOR IN THE WHITE HOUSE, HE
REVEALED THIS WEEK THAT HE
DOESN'T OBJECT TO TAKING IT
REVEALED THIS WEEK THAT HE
DOESN'T OBJECT TO TAKING IT
INTRAVENOUSLY.
DOESN'T OBJECT TO TAKING IT
INTRAVENOUSLY.
THE PRESIDENT IS SHOWN HERE
INTRAVENOUSLY.
THE PRESIDENT IS SHOWN HERE
HAVING A SHOT OF BOURBON TO
THE PRESIDENT IS SHOWN HERE
HAVING A SHOT OF BOURBON TO
CELEBRATE THE BIRTH OF HIS NEW
HAVING A SHOT OF BOURBON TO
CELEBRATE THE BIRTH OF HIS NEW
GRANDSON.
CELEBRATE THE BIRTH OF HIS NEW
GRANDSON.
ADOLF HITLER'S RIGHT-HAND MAN,
GRANDSON.
ADOLF HITLER'S RIGHT-HAND MAN,
RUDOLF HESS, UNSUCCESSFULLY
ADOLF HITLER'S RIGHT-HAND MAN,
RUDOLF HESS, UNSUCCESSFULLY
ATTEMPTED SUICIDE THIS WEEK IN
RUDOLF HESS, UNSUCCESSFULLY
ATTEMPTED SUICIDE THIS WEEK IN
BERLIN'S SPANDAU PRISON, WHERE
ATTEMPTED SUICIDE THIS WEEK IN
BERLIN'S SPANDAU PRISON, WHERE
HE IS THE ONLY INMATE.
BERLIN'S SPANDAU PRISON, WHERE
HE IS THE ONLY INMATE.
AUTHORITIES SAID THE 82-YEAR-OLD
HE IS THE ONLY INMATE.
AUTHORITIES SAID THE 82-YEAR-OLD
NAZI BECAME CONFUSED AFTER
AUTHORITIES SAID THE 82-YEAR-OLD
NAZI BECAME CONFUSED AFTER
SECRETLY PLAN... PLAN...
NAZI BECAME CONFUSED AFTER
SECRETLY PLAN... PLAN...
PLANNING...
SECRETLY PLAN... PLAN...
PLANNING...
ADOLF HITLER'S RIGHT-HAND MAN,
PLANNING...
ADOLF HITLER'S RIGHT-HAND MAN,
RUDOLF HESS, UNSUCCESSFULLY
ADOLF HITLER'S RIGHT-HAND MAN,
RUDOLF HESS, UNSUCCESSFULLY
ATTEMPTED SUICIDE THIS WEEK IN
RUDOLF HESS, UNSUCCESSFULLY
ATTEMPTED SUICIDE THIS WEEK IN
BERLIN'S SPANDAU PRISON, WHERE
ATTEMPTED SUICIDE THIS WEEK IN
BERLIN'S SPANDAU PRISON, WHERE
HE IS THE ONLY INMATE.
BERLIN'S SPANDAU PRISON, WHERE
HE IS THE ONLY INMATE.
AUTHORITIES SAID THE 82-YEAR-OLD
HE IS THE ONLY INMATE.
AUTHORITIES SAID THE 82-YEAR-OLD
NAZI BECAME CONFUSED AFTER
AUTHORITIES SAID THE 82-YEAR-OLD
NAZI BECAME CONFUSED AFTER
SECRETLY PLANNING A PRISON BREAK
NAZI BECAME CONFUSED AFTER
SECRETLY PLANNING A PRISON BREAK
AND REPEATEDLY SAYING TO
SECRETLY PLANNING A PRISON BREAK
AND REPEATEDLY SAYING TO
HIMSELF, "PASS IT ON."
AND REPEATEDLY SAYING TO
HIMSELF, "PASS IT ON."
PASS IT ON.
HIMSELF, "PASS IT ON."
PASS IT ON.
STILL TO COME... BOB HOPE AND
PASS IT ON.
STILL TO COME... BOB HOPE AND
GERALD FORD ANNOUNCE WEDDING
STILL TO COME... BOB HOPE AND
GERALD FORD ANNOUNCE WEDDING
PLANS AFTER THIS WORD FROM
GERALD FORD ANNOUNCE WEDDING
PLANS AFTER THIS WORD FROM
WHOEVER.
YES, EVEN A WOMAN DOCTOR LIKE
ME CAN HAVE A WEIGHT PROBLEM.
THAT'S WHY FOR MANY YEARS I'VE
TRIED EXHAUSTING EXERCISES,
HARMFUL PILLS, AND, WORST OF
TRIED EXHAUSTING EXERCISES,
HARMFUL PILLS, AND, WORST OF
ALL, COMPLEX AND ANNOYING DIETS.
HARMFUL PILLS, AND, WORST OF
ALL, COMPLEX AND ANNOYING DIETS.
SO, FINALLY, I WROTE MY OWN
ALL, COMPLEX AND ANNOYING DIETS.
SO, FINALLY, I WROTE MY OWN
BOOK... A STEP-BY-STEP,
SO, FINALLY, I WROTE MY OWN
BOOK... A STEP-BY-STEP,
EASY-TO-UNDERSTAND,
BOOK... A STEP-BY-STEP,
EASY-TO-UNDERSTAND,
EASY-TO-FOLLOW BOOK THAT IS
EASY-TO-UNDERSTAND,
EASY-TO-FOLLOW BOOK THAT IS
ABSOLUTELY 100% FOOLPROOF.
EASY-TO-FOLLOW BOOK THAT IS
ABSOLUTELY 100% FOOLPROOF.
I CALL IT "DR. BREADLOAF'S
ABSOLUTELY 100% FOOLPROOF.
I CALL IT "DR. BREADLOAF'S
QUICK-LOSS DIET BOOK."
I CALL IT "DR. BREADLOAF'S
QUICK-LOSS DIET BOOK."
LET'S TURN TO PAGE ONE AND READ
QUICK-LOSS DIET BOOK."
LET'S TURN TO PAGE ONE AND READ
THE INSTRUCTIONS.
LET'S TURN TO PAGE ONE AND READ
THE INSTRUCTIONS.
"BREAKFAST... EAT PAGE ONE."
THE INSTRUCTIONS.
"BREAKFAST... EAT PAGE ONE."
THAT'S RIGHT.
"BREAKFAST... EAT PAGE ONE."
THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU SIMPLY TEAR THE PAGE OUT OF
THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU SIMPLY TEAR THE PAGE OUT OF
THE BOOK AND EAT IT.
YOU SIMPLY TEAR THE PAGE OUT OF
THE BOOK AND EAT IT.
WHAT COULD BE EASIER OR MORE
THE BOOK AND EAT IT.
WHAT COULD BE EASIER OR MORE
SLIMMING?
WHAT COULD BE EASIER OR MORE
SLIMMING?
MMM-MMM!
SLIMMING?
MMM-MMM!
AND FOR LUNCH, EAT PAGE TWO.
MMM-MMM!
AND FOR LUNCH, EAT PAGE TWO.
FOLLOWED BY A HEARTY DINNER OF
AND FOR LUNCH, EAT PAGE TWO.
FOLLOWED BY A HEARTY DINNER OF
PAGES THREE AND FOUR.
FOLLOWED BY A HEARTY DINNER OF
PAGES THREE AND FOUR.
MMM-MMM!
PAGES THREE AND FOUR.
MMM-MMM!
THAT'S GOOD!
MMM-MMM!
THAT'S GOOD!
AND OF COURSE THESE BOOKS COME
THAT'S GOOD!
AND OF COURSE THESE BOOKS COME
WITH EXTRA PAGES FOR HOLIDAY
AND OF COURSE THESE BOOKS COME
WITH EXTRA PAGES FOR HOLIDAY
DINNERS, COLOR ILLUSTRATIONS FOR
WITH EXTRA PAGES FOR HOLIDAY
DINNERS, COLOR ILLUSTRATIONS FOR
MIDNIGHT SNACKS, AND IMPORTED
DINNERS, COLOR ILLUSTRATIONS FOR
MIDNIGHT SNACKS, AND IMPORTED
CARDBOARD BINDINGS FOR GOURMET
MIDNIGHT SNACKS, AND IMPORTED
CARDBOARD BINDINGS FOR GOURMET
DINING AT ITS BEST.
CARDBOARD BINDINGS FOR GOURMET
DINING AT ITS BEST.
AND FOR JEWS... TWO BOOKS.
DINING AT ITS BEST.
AND FOR JEWS... TWO BOOKS.
PAPERBACKS FOR POOR PEOPLE.
AND FOR JEWS... TWO BOOKS.
PAPERBACKS FOR POOR PEOPLE.
I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE.
PAPERBACKS FOR POOR PEOPLE.
I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE.
I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH YOU WEIGH.
I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE.
I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH YOU WEIGH.
I DON'T EVEN CARE IF YOU CAN
I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH YOU WEIGH.
I DON'T EVEN CARE IF YOU CAN
READ.
I DON'T EVEN CARE IF YOU CAN
READ.
ALL I CARE IS THAT YOU USE MY
READ.
ALL I CARE IS THAT YOU USE MY
BOOK FOR ONE WEEK, AND IF YOU
ALL I CARE IS THAT YOU USE MY
BOOK FOR ONE WEEK, AND IF YOU
ARE NOT COMPLETELY SATISFIED,
BOOK FOR ONE WEEK, AND IF YOU
ARE NOT COMPLETELY SATISFIED,
RETURN THE UNEATEN PORTION TO
ARE NOT COMPLETELY SATISFIED,
RETURN THE UNEATEN PORTION TO
ME, AND I'LL RETURN YOUR MONEY.
RETURN THE UNEATEN PORTION TO
ME, AND I'LL RETURN YOUR MONEY.
ORDER NOW AND RECEIVE FREE OF
ME, AND I'LL RETURN YOUR MONEY.
ORDER NOW AND RECEIVE FREE OF
CHARGE THIS COMBINATION
ORDER NOW AND RECEIVE FREE OF
CHARGE THIS COMBINATION
BOOKMARK/BIRTHDAY CAKE.
CHARGE THIS COMBINATION
BOOKMARK/BIRTHDAY CAKE.
Announcer: YOU'LL LOSE WEIGHT
BOOKMARK/BIRTHDAY CAKE.
Announcer: YOU'LL LOSE WEIGHT
FAST AND FEEL WONDERFUL.
Announcer: YOU'LL LOSE WEIGHT
FAST AND FEEL WONDERFUL.
YES, HERE'S A BOOK WITH A HAPPY
FAST AND FEEL WONDERFUL.
YES, HERE'S A BOOK WITH A HAPPY
ENDING.
YES, HERE'S A BOOK WITH A HAPPY
ENDING.
FOR YOUR COPY, SEND $8.95 IN
ENDING.
FOR YOUR COPY, SEND $8.95 IN
CASH OR MONEY ORDER TO...
AND THIS IS
DR. RUTH BREADLOAF SAYING
TONIGHT, WHY NOT RELAX, CURL UP
DR. RUTH BREADLOAF SAYING
TONIGHT, WHY NOT RELAX, CURL UP
WITH A GOOD BOOK, AND EAT IT?
THE UNITED STATES DEFENSE
DEPARTMENT HAS RECENTLY BEEN
TEST-FLYING THE PRESIDENT'S NEW
DEPARTMENT HAS RECENTLY BEEN
TEST-FLYING THE PRESIDENT'S NEW
FLYING COMMAND POST, A REGULAR
TEST-FLYING THE PRESIDENT'S NEW
FLYING COMMAND POST, A REGULAR
747 AIRPLANE WHICH WAS CONVERTED
FLYING COMMAND POST, A REGULAR
747 AIRPLANE WHICH WAS CONVERTED
FOR HIS USE IN CASE OF A NUCLEAR
747 AIRPLANE WHICH WAS CONVERTED
FOR HIS USE IN CASE OF A NUCLEAR
ATTACK.
FOR HIS USE IN CASE OF A NUCLEAR
ATTACK.
"UPDATE" HAS MADE ARRANGEMENTS
ATTACK.
"UPDATE" HAS MADE ARRANGEMENTS
TO TAKE ITS CAMERAS ON BOARD THE
"UPDATE" HAS MADE ARRANGEMENTS
TO TAKE ITS CAMERAS ON BOARD THE
AIRCRAFT.
TO TAKE ITS CAMERAS ON BOARD THE
AIRCRAFT.
LET'S GO NOW FOR A SPECIAL
AIRCRAFT.
LET'S GO NOW FOR A SPECIAL
REPORT WITH LARAINE NEWMAN
LET'S GO NOW FOR A SPECIAL
REPORT WITH LARAINE NEWMAN
SOMEWHERE ABOVE WASHINGTON.
REPORT WITH LARAINE NEWMAN
SOMEWHERE ABOVE WASHINGTON.
JANE, I'M STANDING INSIDE THE
SOMEWHERE ABOVE WASHINGTON.
JANE, I'M STANDING INSIDE THE
ELECTRONIC CORE OF THE DEFENSE
JANE, I'M STANDING INSIDE THE
ELECTRONIC CORE OF THE DEFENSE
DEPARTMENT'S EXECUTIVE COMMAND
ELECTRONIC CORE OF THE DEFENSE
DEPARTMENT'S EXECUTIVE COMMAND
FLYING POST.
DEPARTMENT'S EXECUTIVE COMMAND
FLYING POST.
WITH ME IS MAJOR GENERAL
FLYING POST.
WITH ME IS MAJOR GENERAL
ROBERT LAZETTE, WHO IS
WITH ME IS MAJOR GENERAL
ROBERT LAZETTE, WHO IS
RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MAINTENANCE
ROBERT LAZETTE, WHO IS
RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MAINTENANCE
OF THIS COMPLEX AIRCRAFT.
RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MAINTENANCE
OF THIS COMPLEX AIRCRAFT.
MR. LAZETTE, WHAT IS THIS
OF THIS COMPLEX AIRCRAFT.
MR. LAZETTE, WHAT IS THIS
CONTROL PANEL WE'RE LOOKING AT
MR. LAZETTE, WHAT IS THIS
CONTROL PANEL WE'RE LOOKING AT
HERE?
CONTROL PANEL WE'RE LOOKING AT
HERE?
OKAY, THIS IS A WARNING
HERE?
OKAY, THIS IS A WARNING
SIGNAL TRANSMITTING AN ARMY
OKAY, THIS IS A WARNING
SIGNAL TRANSMITTING AN ARMY
CONSOLE... WSTAC.
SIGNAL TRANSMITTING AN ARMY
CONSOLE... WSTAC.
WE CALL IT "STACY."
CONSOLE... WSTAC.
WE CALL IT "STACY."
AND WHAT IS STACY'S FUNCTION?
WE CALL IT "STACY."
AND WHAT IS STACY'S FUNCTION?
OKAY.
AND WHAT IS STACY'S FUNCTION?
OKAY.
IN THE INSTANCE OF A NUCLEAR
OKAY.
IN THE INSTANCE OF A NUCLEAR
CONFRONTATION, PRESIDENT CARTER
IN THE INSTANCE OF A NUCLEAR
CONFRONTATION, PRESIDENT CARTER
CAN BE INSIDE THE PLANE AND
CONFRONTATION, PRESIDENT CARTER
CAN BE INSIDE THE PLANE AND
AIRBORNE WITHIN 10 MINUTES.
CAN BE INSIDE THE PLANE AND
AIRBORNE WITHIN 10 MINUTES.
NOW THROUGH THIS CONSOLE, HE'S
AIRBORNE WITHIN 10 MINUTES.
NOW THROUGH THIS CONSOLE, HE'S
HOOKED INTO THE COMMAND DATA
NOW THROUGH THIS CONSOLE, HE'S
HOOKED INTO THE COMMAND DATA
BUFFER SYSTEM IN COLORADO.
HOOKED INTO THE COMMAND DATA
BUFFER SYSTEM IN COLORADO.
HE CAN THEN PROGRAM, CANCEL, AND
BUFFER SYSTEM IN COLORADO.
HE CAN THEN PROGRAM, CANCEL, AND
RESET ENEMY TARGETS FROM ON
HE CAN THEN PROGRAM, CANCEL, AND
RESET ENEMY TARGETS FROM ON
BOARD THE AIRCRAFT.
RESET ENEMY TARGETS FROM ON
BOARD THE AIRCRAFT.
I SEE.
BOARD THE AIRCRAFT.
I SEE.
WELL, GENERAL, WITH ALL THE
I SEE.
WELL, GENERAL, WITH ALL THE
FLYING WEAPONRY WHICH WOULD BE
WELL, GENERAL, WITH ALL THE
FLYING WEAPONRY WHICH WOULD BE
AIRBORNE DURING A NUCLEAR
FLYING WEAPONRY WHICH WOULD BE
AIRBORNE DURING A NUCLEAR
ATTACK, ISN'T A BIG AIRPLANE
AIRBORNE DURING A NUCLEAR
ATTACK, ISN'T A BIG AIRPLANE
LIKE THIS PARTICULARLY
ATTACK, ISN'T A BIG AIRPLANE
LIKE THIS PARTICULARLY
VULNERABLE TO, SAY, A SMALL
LIKE THIS PARTICULARLY
VULNERABLE TO, SAY, A SMALL
HEAT-SEEKING OR LASER-GUIDED
VULNERABLE TO, SAY, A SMALL
HEAT-SEEKING OR LASER-GUIDED
DEVICE?
HEAT-SEEKING OR LASER-GUIDED
DEVICE?
UH...
DEVICE?
UH...
Y-YEAH, I GUESS SO.
UH...
Y-YEAH, I GUESS SO.
NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT.
Y-YEAH, I GUESS SO.
NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT.
THIS IS LARAINE NEWMAN ABOARD
NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT.
THIS IS LARAINE NEWMAN ABOARD
THE EXPENSIVE AND DANGEROUS
THIS IS LARAINE NEWMAN ABOARD
THE EXPENSIVE AND DANGEROUS
FLYING COMMAND POST.
THE EXPENSIVE AND DANGEROUS
FLYING COMMAND POST.
YOU'D SEE WHERE IT WAS GONNA
FLYING COMMAND POST.
YOU'D SEE WHERE IT WAS GONNA
HIT YOU ON THIS LITTLE SCREEN
YOU'D SEE WHERE IT WAS GONNA
HIT YOU ON THIS LITTLE SCREEN
HERE.
HIT YOU ON THIS LITTLE SCREEN
HERE.
YOU'D SEE IT BEFORE IT HIT.
HERE.
YOU'D SEE IT BEFORE IT HIT.
MM-HMM.
YOU'D SEE IT BEFORE IT HIT.
MM-HMM.
TAKING IT BACK TO YOU, JANE.
MM-HMM.
TAKING IT BACK TO YOU, JANE.
AN "UPDATE" CORRECTION...
TAKING IT BACK TO YOU, JANE.
AN "UPDATE" CORRECTION...
LAST WEEK, WE INADVERTENTLY
AN "UPDATE" CORRECTION...
LAST WEEK, WE INADVERTENTLY
REPORTED THAT SUPREME COURT
LAST WEEK, WE INADVERTENTLY
REPORTED THAT SUPREME COURT
JUSTICE WARREN BURGER WON THE
REPORTED THAT SUPREME COURT
JUSTICE WARREN BURGER WON THE
1958 KENTUCKY DERBY.
JUSTICE WARREN BURGER WON THE
1958 KENTUCKY DERBY.
WELL, WE STAND CORRECTED.
1958 KENTUCKY DERBY.
WELL, WE STAND CORRECTED.
WHAT WE MEANT TO SAY WAS THAT
WELL, WE STAND CORRECTED.
WHAT WE MEANT TO SAY WAS THAT
TOM SNYDER IS ACTUALLY ONE OF A
WHAT WE MEANT TO SAY WAS THAT
TOM SNYDER IS ACTUALLY ONE OF A
PAIR OF SIAMESE TWINS, AND HIS
TOM SNYDER IS ACTUALLY ONE OF A
PAIR OF SIAMESE TWINS, AND HIS
MUCH SMALLER SISTER SPENDS MOST
PAIR OF SIAMESE TWINS, AND HIS
MUCH SMALLER SISTER SPENDS MOST
OF HER TIME INSIDE TOM'S SHIRT
MUCH SMALLER SISTER SPENDS MOST
OF HER TIME INSIDE TOM'S SHIRT
DOING RESEARCH FOR THE
OF HER TIME INSIDE TOM'S SHIRT
DOING RESEARCH FOR THE
"TOMORROW" SHOW.
DOING RESEARCH FOR THE
"TOMORROW" SHOW.
HUGH BENNETT OF ST. LOUIS,
"TOMORROW" SHOW.
HUGH BENNETT OF ST. LOUIS,
MISSOURI, IS SUING THE FOOD AND
HUGH BENNETT OF ST. LOUIS,
MISSOURI, IS SUING THE FOOD AND
DRUG ADMINISTRATION FOR
MISSOURI, IS SUING THE FOOD AND
DRUG ADMINISTRATION FOR
$1 MILLION.
DRUG ADMINISTRATION FOR
$1 MILLION.
THE 78-YEAR-OLD BENNETT HAS AN
$1 MILLION.
THE 78-YEAR-OLD BENNETT HAS AN
ELECTRONIC PACEMAKER IN HIS
THE 78-YEAR-OLD BENNETT HAS AN
ELECTRONIC PACEMAKER IN HIS
HEART WHICH HE SAYS WORKS GREAT
ELECTRONIC PACEMAKER IN HIS
HEART WHICH HE SAYS WORKS GREAT
EVERY TIME... EXCEPT WHEN HE
HEART WHICH HE SAYS WORKS GREAT
EVERY TIME... EXCEPT WHEN HE
SNEEZES, HIS GARAGE DOOR GOES
EVERY TIME... EXCEPT WHEN HE
SNEEZES, HIS GARAGE DOOR GOES
UP.
SNEEZES, HIS GARAGE DOOR GOES
UP.
HIS CASE WILL BE HEARD LATER
UP.
HIS CASE WILL BE HEARD LATER
THIS MONTH.
HIS CASE WILL BE HEARD LATER
THIS MONTH.
THIS JUST RELEASED...
THIS MONTH.
THIS JUST RELEASED...
ACCORDING TO A UNITED NATIONS
THIS JUST RELEASED...
ACCORDING TO A UNITED NATIONS
REPORT ON INTERNATIONAL POVERTY,
ACCORDING TO A UNITED NATIONS
REPORT ON INTERNATIONAL POVERTY,
IN CERTAIN THIRD WORLD
REPORT ON INTERNATIONAL POVERTY,
IN CERTAIN THIRD WORLD
COUNTRIES, PRINCE SPAGHETTI DAY
IN CERTAIN THIRD WORLD
COUNTRIES, PRINCE SPAGHETTI DAY
ONLY COMES ONCE A YEAR.
COUNTRIES, PRINCE SPAGHETTI DAY
ONLY COMES ONCE A YEAR.
OUR FINAL STORY TONIGHT...
ONLY COMES ONCE A YEAR.
OUR FINAL STORY TONIGHT...
FOODSAN COMPUTRONICS, A FIRM
OUR FINAL STORY TONIGHT...
FOODSAN COMPUTRONICS, A FIRM
WHICH ORDERS MEALS FOR IN-FLIGHT
FOODSAN COMPUTRONICS, A FIRM
WHICH ORDERS MEALS FOR IN-FLIGHT
SERVICE FOR MANY AIRLINES, WAS
WHICH ORDERS MEALS FOR IN-FLIGHT
SERVICE FOR MANY AIRLINES, WAS
FINED $3,000 BY THE CIVIL
SERVICE FOR MANY AIRLINES, WAS
FINED $3,000 BY THE CIVIL
AERONAUTICS BOARD BECAUSE OF A
FINED $3,000 BY THE CIVIL
AERONAUTICS BOARD BECAUSE OF A
MIX-UP ON AN EL AL FLIGHT TO
AERONAUTICS BOARD BECAUSE OF A
MIX-UP ON AN EL AL FLIGHT TO
TEL AVIV.
MIX-UP ON AN EL AL FLIGHT TO
TEL AVIV.
WHERE THERE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE
TEL AVIV.
WHERE THERE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE
250 MEALS CONSISTING OF 185
WHERE THERE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE
250 MEALS CONSISTING OF 185
KOSHER, 15 NORMAL, AND 15
250 MEALS CONSISTING OF 185
KOSHER, 15 NORMAL, AND 15
VEGETARIAN, DUE TO A COMPUTER
KOSHER, 15 NORMAL, AND 15
VEGETARIAN, DUE TO A COMPUTER
MIX-UP, ONLY 180 KOSHER, 42
VEGETARIAN, DUE TO A COMPUTER
MIX-UP, ONLY 180 KOSHER, 42
NORMAL, AND 3 VEGETARIAN MEALS
MIX-UP, ONLY 180 KOSHER, 42
NORMAL, AND 3 VEGETARIAN MEALS
WERE ORDERED.
NORMAL, AND 3 VEGETARIAN MEALS
WERE ORDERED.
AS A RESULT, THE REMAINING 25
WERE ORDERED.
AS A RESULT, THE REMAINING 25
PASSENGERS WITHOUT MEALS WERE
AS A RESULT, THE REMAINING 25
PASSENGERS WITHOUT MEALS WERE
FORCED TO BEG SCRAPS OF THE
PASSENGERS WITHOUT MEALS WERE
FORCED TO BEG SCRAPS OF THE
APPROPRIATE LEFTOVERS FROM OTHER
FORCED TO BEG SCRAPS OF THE
APPROPRIATE LEFTOVERS FROM OTHER
PASSENGERS, CLOGGING THE AISLES
APPROPRIATE LEFTOVERS FROM OTHER
PASSENGERS, CLOGGING THE AISLES
AND MAKING THE MEAL SERVICE AN
PASSENGERS, CLOGGING THE AISLES
AND MAKING THE MEAL SERVICE AN
UNPLEASANT AND MESSY AFFAIR.
AND MAKING THE MEAL SERVICE AN
UNPLEASANT AND MESSY AFFAIR.
SAID PASSENGER ISAAC SINGER, "AT
UNPLEASANT AND MESSY AFFAIR.
SAID PASSENGER ISAAC SINGER, "AT
LEAST, THANK GOD, THERE WAS
SAID PASSENGER ISAAC SINGER, "AT
LEAST, THANK GOD, THERE WAS
ENOUGH TO GO AROUND.
LEAST, THANK GOD, THERE WAS
ENOUGH TO GO AROUND.
OTHERWISE, WE SHOULD ALL STARVE
ENOUGH TO GO AROUND.
OTHERWISE, WE SHOULD ALL STARVE
IN THE SKY."
OTHERWISE, WE SHOULD ALL STARVE
IN THE SKY."
GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A PLEASANT
IN THE SKY."
GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A PLEASANT
TOMORROW.
PLACES, PLEASE, FOR "BROADWAY
BABY."
PLACES, PLEASE.
BABY."
PLACES, PLEASE.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
PLACES, PLEASE.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
AND NOW, LADIES AND
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
AND NOW, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, LILY TOMLIN.
AND NOW, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, LILY TOMLIN.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
LILY, I'VE BEEN MEANING TO TELL
YOU ALL NIGHT HOW GREAT IT IS I
THINK YOU'RE GONNA BE ON
YOU ALL NIGHT HOW GREAT IT IS I
THINK YOU'RE GONNA BE ON
BROADWAY.
THINK YOU'RE GONNA BE ON
BROADWAY.
WELL, ACTUALLY, I'M GONNA BE
BROADWAY.
WELL, ACTUALLY, I'M GONNA BE
AT THE BILTMORE IN MARCH.
WELL, ACTUALLY, I'M GONNA BE
AT THE BILTMORE IN MARCH.
WELL, CONGRATULATIONS, LILY.
AT THE BILTMORE IN MARCH.
WELL, CONGRATULATIONS, LILY.
IT'S GREAT.
WELL, CONGRATULATIONS, LILY.
IT'S GREAT.
THANKS, BUT I REALLY DESERVE
IT'S GREAT.
THANKS, BUT I REALLY DESERVE
THIS.
THANKS, BUT I REALLY DESERVE
THIS.
I'VE BEEN WORKING SO HARD EVER
THIS.
I'VE BEEN WORKING SO HARD EVER
SINCE I FIRST STARTED OUT IN THE
I'VE BEEN WORKING SO HARD EVER
SINCE I FIRST STARTED OUT IN THE
EARLY 1930s.
SINCE I FIRST STARTED OUT IN THE
EARLY 1930s.
BROADWAY'S BEEN A DREAM OF MINE
EARLY 1930s.
BROADWAY'S BEEN A DREAM OF MINE
FOR SO LONG... NOT JUST OF MINE,
BROADWAY'S BEEN A DREAM OF MINE
FOR SO LONG... NOT JUST OF MINE,
BUT OF GILDA'S AND LARAINE'S AND
FOR SO LONG... NOT JUST OF MINE,
BUT OF GILDA'S AND LARAINE'S AND
JANE'S.
BUT OF GILDA'S AND LARAINE'S AND
JANE'S.
I REMEMBER WHEN I MET THEM IN
JANE'S.
I REMEMBER WHEN I MET THEM IN
1934.
I REMEMBER WHEN I MET THEM IN
1934.
WE WERE FLAT BROKE.
1934.
WE WERE FLAT BROKE.
GOSH, I DON'T KNOW HOW WE KEPT
WE WERE FLAT BROKE.
GOSH, I DON'T KNOW HOW WE KEPT
OUR SPIRITS UP.
GOSH, I DON'T KNOW HOW WE KEPT
OUR SPIRITS UP.
OUR HOPES FOR SUCCESS DIMMED
OUR SPIRITS UP.
OUR HOPES FOR SUCCESS DIMMED
TIME AFTER TIME.
OUR HOPES FOR SUCCESS DIMMED
TIME AFTER TIME.
BUT WE JUST ATE, SLEPT, AND
TIME AFTER TIME.
BUT WE JUST ATE, SLEPT, AND
DREAMT BROADWAY.
BUT WE JUST ATE, SLEPT, AND
DREAMT BROADWAY.
WE REALLY DID.
DREAMT BROADWAY.
WE REALLY DID.
ONCE BEFORE THE WAR, WE EVEN
WE REALLY DID.
ONCE BEFORE THE WAR, WE EVEN
SHARED A ONE-ROOM DUMP TOGETHER.
ONCE BEFORE THE WAR, WE EVEN
SHARED A ONE-ROOM DUMP TOGETHER.
I REMEMBER A DAY... IT WAS
SHARED A ONE-ROOM DUMP TOGETHER.
I REMEMBER A DAY... IT WAS
JUNE 6, 1938.
I REMEMBER A DAY... IT WAS
JUNE 6, 1938.
IT WAS A TUESDAY.
JUNE 6, 1938.
IT WAS A TUESDAY.
I WAS HOLDING A BAR RAG, NOT
IT WAS A TUESDAY.
I WAS HOLDING A BAR RAG, NOT
UNLIKE THE ONE I'M HOLDING NOW.
I WAS HOLDING A BAR RAG, NOT
UNLIKE THE ONE I'M HOLDING NOW.
IT WAS DAMP AGAINST MY PALM.
UNLIKE THE ONE I'M HOLDING NOW.
IT WAS DAMP AGAINST MY PALM.
I WAS SORT OF WIPING THE
IT WAS DAMP AGAINST MY PALM.
I WAS SORT OF WIPING THE
COUNTER, LIKE THIS, IN THIS
I WAS SORT OF WIPING THE
COUNTER, LIKE THIS, IN THIS
SLEAZY CAFé I WAS WORKING IN.
COUNTER, LIKE THIS, IN THIS
SLEAZY CAFé I WAS WORKING IN.
I NOTICED A PIECE OF SPONGE CAKE
SLEAZY CAFé I WAS WORKING IN.
I NOTICED A PIECE OF SPONGE CAKE
ON THE COUNTER.
I NOTICED A PIECE OF SPONGE CAKE
ON THE COUNTER.
I PICKED IT UP.
ON THE COUNTER.
I PICKED IT UP.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT GOT INTO ME.
I PICKED IT UP.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT GOT INTO ME.
I JUST STARTED SINGING.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT GOT INTO ME.
I JUST STARTED SINGING.
[MUSIC BEGINS]
I JUST STARTED SINGING.
[MUSIC BEGINS]
♪ I'M JUST A BROADWAY BABY ♪
[MUSIC BEGINS]
♪ I'M JUST A BROADWAY BABY ♪
♪ SLAVIN' AT A FIVE-AND-TEN ♪
♪ I'M JUST A BROADWAY BABY ♪
♪ SLAVIN' AT A FIVE-AND-TEN ♪
♪ WAITIN' FOR THE BIG DAY WHEN
♪ SLAVIN' AT A FIVE-AND-TEN ♪
♪ WAITIN' FOR THE BIG DAY WHEN
I'LL BE IN A SHOW ♪
♪ WAITIN' FOR THE BIG DAY WHEN
I'LL BE IN A SHOW ♪
♪ BROADWAY BABY ♪
I'LL BE IN A SHOW ♪
♪ BROADWAY BABY ♪
♪ MAKIN' ROUNDS ALL AFTERNOON ♪
♪ BROADWAY BABY ♪
♪ MAKIN' ROUNDS ALL AFTERNOON ♪
♪ EATIN' AT A GREASY SPOON
♪ MAKIN' ROUNDS ALL AFTERNOON ♪
♪ EATIN' AT A GREASY SPOON
TO SAVE ON MY DO-O-O-UGH ♪
♪ EATIN' AT A GREASY SPOON
TO SAVE ON MY DO-O-O-UGH ♪
♪ AT MY TINY FLAT
TO SAVE ON MY DO-O-O-UGH ♪
♪ AT MY TINY FLAT
THERE'S JUST MY CAT,
♪ AT MY TINY FLAT
THERE'S JUST MY CAT,
A BED, AND A CHAIR ♪
THERE'S JUST MY CAT,
A BED, AND A CHAIR ♪
♪ STILL I'LL STICK IT TILL
A BED, AND A CHAIR ♪
♪ STILL I'LL STICK IT TILL
I'M ON A BILL
♪ STILL I'LL STICK IT TILL
I'M ON A BILL
ALL OVER TIMES SQUARE ♪
I'M ON A BILL
ALL OVER TIMES SQUARE ♪
♪ I'M JUST A BROADWAY BABY ♪
ALL OVER TIMES SQUARE ♪
♪ I'M JUST A BROADWAY BABY ♪
♪ WALKIN' OFF MY TIRED FEET ♪
♪ I'M JUST A BROADWAY BABY ♪
♪ WALKIN' OFF MY TIRED FEET ♪
♪ POUNDIN' 42nd STREET
♪ WALKIN' OFF MY TIRED FEET ♪
♪ POUNDIN' 42nd STREET
TO BE IN A SHOW ♪
♪ POUNDIN' 42nd STREET
TO BE IN A SHOW ♪
♪ BROADWAY BABY ♪
TO BE IN A SHOW ♪
♪ BROADWAY BABY ♪
♪ LEARNIN' HOW TO SING
♪ BROADWAY BABY ♪
♪ LEARNIN' HOW TO SING
AND DANCE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' HOW TO SING
AND DANCE ♪
♪ WAITIN' FOR THE ONE BIG CHANCE
AND DANCE ♪
♪ WAITIN' FOR THE ONE BIG CHANCE
TO BE IN A SHO-O-O-W ♪
♪ WAITIN' FOR THE ONE BIG CHANCE
TO BE IN A SHO-O-O-W ♪
♪ GEE, I'D LIKE TO BE
TO BE IN A SHO-O-O-W ♪
♪ GEE, I'D LIKE TO BE
ON SOME MARQUIS,
♪ GEE, I'D LIKE TO BE
ON SOME MARQUIS,
ALL TWINKLIN' LIGHTS ♪
ON SOME MARQUIS,
ALL TWINKLIN' LIGHTS ♪
♪ A SPARK TO PIERCE THE DARK
ALL TWINKLIN' LIGHTS ♪
♪ A SPARK TO PIERCE THE DARK
FROM BATTERY PARK
♪ A SPARK TO PIERCE THE DARK
FROM BATTERY PARK
WAY UP TO WASHINGTON HEIGHTS ♪
FROM BATTERY PARK
WAY UP TO WASHINGTON HEIGHTS ♪
♪ SOMEDAY MAYBE ♪
WAY UP TO WASHINGTON HEIGHTS ♪
♪ SOMEDAY MAYBE ♪
♪ ALL MY DREAMS WILL BE REPAID ♪
♪ SOMEDAY MAYBE ♪
♪ ALL MY DREAMS WILL BE REPAID ♪
♪ HELL, I'D EVEN PLAY
♪ ALL MY DREAMS WILL BE REPAID ♪
♪ HELL, I'D EVEN PLAY
THE MAID ♪
♪ HELL, I'D EVEN PLAY
THE MAID ♪
♪ TO BE IN A SHOW ♪
THE MAID ♪
♪ TO BE IN A SHOW ♪
♪ SAY, MR. PRODUCER ♪
♪ TO BE IN A SHOW ♪
♪ SAY, MR. PRODUCER ♪
♪ YEAH? ♪
♪ SAY, MR. PRODUCER ♪
♪ YEAH? ♪
♪ I'M TALKING TO YOU, SIR ♪
♪ YEAH? ♪
♪ I'M TALKING TO YOU, SIR ♪
♪ I DON'T NEED A LOT,
♪ I'M TALKING TO YOU, SIR ♪
♪ I DON'T NEED A LOT,
ONLY WHAT I GOT ♪
♪ I DON'T NEED A LOT,
ONLY WHAT I GOT ♪
♪ PLUS, A TUBE OF GREASEPAINT
ONLY WHAT I GOT ♪
♪ PLUS, A TUBE OF GREASEPAINT
AND A FOLLOW SPOT ♪
♪ PLUS, A TUBE OF GREASEPAINT
AND A FOLLOW SPOT ♪
♪ SOMEDAY MAYBE ♪
AND A FOLLOW SPOT ♪
♪ SOMEDAY MAYBE ♪
♪ IF I STICK IT LONG ENOUGH ♪
♪ SOMEDAY MAYBE ♪
♪ IF I STICK IT LONG ENOUGH ♪
♪ I MIGHT GET
♪ IF I STICK IT LONG ENOUGH ♪
♪ I MIGHT GET
TO STRUT MY STUFF ♪
♪ I MIGHT GET
TO STRUT MY STUFF ♪
♪ IN A BIG... ♪
TO STRUT MY STUFF ♪
♪ IN A BIG... ♪
♪ TIME... ♪
♪ IN A BIG... ♪
♪ TIME... ♪
♪ BROAD... ♪
♪ TIME... ♪
♪ BROAD... ♪
♪ WAY ♪
♪ BROAD... ♪
♪ WAY ♪
♪ I DON'T NEED A LOT ♪
♪ WAY ♪
♪ I DON'T NEED A LOT ♪
♪ ONLY WHAT I'VE GOT ♪
♪ I DON'T NEED A LOT ♪
♪ ONLY WHAT I'VE GOT ♪
♪ PLUS, A TUBE
♪ ONLY WHAT I'VE GOT ♪
♪ PLUS, A TUBE
OF GREASEPAINT ♪
♪ PLUS, A TUBE
OF GREASEPAINT ♪
♪ AND A FOLLOW SPOT ♪
OF GREASEPAINT ♪
♪ AND A FOLLOW SPOT ♪
♪ IN A BIG-TIME
♪ AND A FOLLOW SPOT ♪
♪ IN A BIG-TIME
BROADWAY SHOW ♪
I'M SORRY, MR. AND
MRS. DIONOSOPOLIS, BUT YOUR SON
CAN'T GET ANY CLOSER TO DEATH
MRS. DIONOSOPOLIS, BUT YOUR SON
CAN'T GET ANY CLOSER TO DEATH
THAN HE IS RIGHT NOW.
CAN'T GET ANY CLOSER TO DEATH
THAN HE IS RIGHT NOW.
TOMORROW'S HIS BIRTHDAY.
THAN HE IS RIGHT NOW.
TOMORROW'S HIS BIRTHDAY.
DOCTOR, ISN'T THERE A CHANCE
TOMORROW'S HIS BIRTHDAY.
DOCTOR, ISN'T THERE A CHANCE
THAT BUDDY COULD COME OUT OF
DOCTOR, ISN'T THERE A CHANCE
THAT BUDDY COULD COME OUT OF
THIS COMA?
THAT BUDDY COULD COME OUT OF
THIS COMA?
WELL, LET ME PUT IT THIS
THIS COMA?
WELL, LET ME PUT IT THIS
WAY.
WELL, LET ME PUT IT THIS
WAY.
IF YOU WANT TO GET BUDDY
WAY.
IF YOU WANT TO GET BUDDY
SOMETHING FOR HIS BIRTHDAY, I'D
IF YOU WANT TO GET BUDDY
SOMETHING FOR HIS BIRTHDAY, I'D
SUGGEST MOSS FOR HIS NORTH SIDE.
SOMETHING FOR HIS BIRTHDAY, I'D
SUGGEST MOSS FOR HIS NORTH SIDE.
[CRYING]
SUGGEST MOSS FOR HIS NORTH SIDE.
[CRYING]
HEY!
[CRYING]
HEY!
JUST TRYING TO LIGHTEN THINGS UP
HEY!
JUST TRYING TO LIGHTEN THINGS UP
A LITTLE BIT!
JUST TRYING TO LIGHTEN THINGS UP
A LITTLE BIT!
THANK YOU, DOCTOR.
A LITTLE BIT!
THANK YOU, DOCTOR.
IT'S A GOOD JOKE.
THANK YOU, DOCTOR.
IT'S A GOOD JOKE.
IT IS.
IT'S A GOOD JOKE.
IT IS.
I'M SURE THAT BUDDY WOULD HAVE
IT IS.
I'M SURE THAT BUDDY WOULD HAVE
LAUGHED.
I'M SURE THAT BUDDY WOULD HAVE
LAUGHED.
WELL, I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW
LAUGHED.
WELL, I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW
THAT THE MACHINE THAT KEEPS
WELL, I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW
THAT THE MACHINE THAT KEEPS
BUDDY ALIVE IS COSTING YOU $500
THAT THE MACHINE THAT KEEPS
BUDDY ALIVE IS COSTING YOU $500
A DAY.
BUDDY ALIVE IS COSTING YOU $500
A DAY.
[MONITOR BEEPING]
A DAY.
[MONITOR BEEPING]
I THINK YOU'D BETTER PULL THE
[MONITOR BEEPING]
I THINK YOU'D BETTER PULL THE
PLUG, DOCTOR.
I THINK YOU'D BETTER PULL THE
PLUG, DOCTOR.
BUDDY!
PLUG, DOCTOR.
BUDDY!
NOW YOU HEARD WHAT THE MAN
BUDDY!
NOW YOU HEARD WHAT THE MAN
SAID.
NOW YOU HEARD WHAT THE MAN
SAID.
BUDDY HAS NO MOTOR REFLEXES, HIS
SAID.
BUDDY HAS NO MOTOR REFLEXES, HIS
MIND IS GONE.
BUDDY HAS NO MOTOR REFLEXES, HIS
MIND IS GONE.
DO YOU THINK HE'S HAVING FUN?
MIND IS GONE.
DO YOU THINK HE'S HAVING FUN?
LOOK AT THAT!
DO YOU THINK HE'S HAVING FUN?
LOOK AT THAT!
NOW LISTEN.
LOOK AT THAT!
NOW LISTEN.
ACCORDING TO LAW, I CANNOT
NOW LISTEN.
ACCORDING TO LAW, I CANNOT
DELIBERATELY PULL THE PLUG.
ACCORDING TO LAW, I CANNOT
DELIBERATELY PULL THE PLUG.
I SEE.
DELIBERATELY PULL THE PLUG.
I SEE.
BUT, UH, IF THE PLUG WERE TO,
I SEE.
BUT, UH, IF THE PLUG WERE TO,
UH, "ACCIDENTALLY" BE PULLED
BUT, UH, IF THE PLUG WERE TO,
UH, "ACCIDENTALLY" BE PULLED
FROM THE WALL, I DON'T THINK
UH, "ACCIDENTALLY" BE PULLED
FROM THE WALL, I DON'T THINK
ANYBODY'S GONNA MAKE A FEDERAL
FROM THE WALL, I DON'T THINK
ANYBODY'S GONNA MAKE A FEDERAL
CASE OUT OF IT.
ANYBODY'S GONNA MAKE A FEDERAL
CASE OUT OF IT.
I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT I'M
CASE OUT OF IT.
I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT I'M
TALKING ABOUT, HUH?
I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT I'M
TALKING ABOUT, HUH?
MM-HMM.
TALKING ABOUT, HUH?
MM-HMM.
WELL, I THINK WE SHOULD PROBABLY
MM-HMM.
WELL, I THINK WE SHOULD PROBABLY
JUST PUT HIM OUT OF HIS MISERY.
WELL, I THINK WE SHOULD PROBABLY
JUST PUT HIM OUT OF HIS MISERY.
HONEY!
JUST PUT HIM OUT OF HIS MISERY.
HONEY!
CATHY, I NEVER TOLD YOU THIS,
HONEY!
CATHY, I NEVER TOLD YOU THIS,
BUT ABOUT A YEAR AGO, BUDDY CAME
CATHY, I NEVER TOLD YOU THIS,
BUT ABOUT A YEAR AGO, BUDDY CAME
TO ME, AND HE SAID, "DAD, IF I'M
BUT ABOUT A YEAR AGO, BUDDY CAME
TO ME, AND HE SAID, "DAD, IF I'M
EVER IN A BAD ACCIDENT AT WORK,
TO ME, AND HE SAID, "DAD, IF I'M
EVER IN A BAD ACCIDENT AT WORK,
AND I'M HIT IN THE HEAD WITH A
EVER IN A BAD ACCIDENT AT WORK,
AND I'M HIT IN THE HEAD WITH A
SLEDGEHAMMER AND LAPSE INTO A
AND I'M HIT IN THE HEAD WITH A
SLEDGEHAMMER AND LAPSE INTO A
COMA AND HAVE TO BE KEPT ALIVE
SLEDGEHAMMER AND LAPSE INTO A
COMA AND HAVE TO BE KEPT ALIVE
BY A MACHINE, I WANT TO DIE WITH
COMA AND HAVE TO BE KEPT ALIVE
BY A MACHINE, I WANT TO DIE WITH
DIGNITY.
BY A MACHINE, I WANT TO DIE WITH
DIGNITY.
SO PLEASE PULL THE PLUG."
DIGNITY.
SO PLEASE PULL THE PLUG."
WELL, IF THAT'S THE WAY THAT
SO PLEASE PULL THE PLUG."
WELL, IF THAT'S THE WAY THAT
BUDDY WANTS IT, THEN PULL THE
WELL, IF THAT'S THE WAY THAT
BUDDY WANTS IT, THEN PULL THE
PLUG.
BUDDY WANTS IT, THEN PULL THE
PLUG.
ACCIDENTALLY.
PLUG.
ACCIDENTALLY.
ACCIDENTALLY.
ACCIDENTALLY.
ACCIDENTALLY.
ACCIDENTALLY.
ACCIDENTALLY.
ACCIDENTALLY.
OKAY!
ACCIDENTALLY.
OKAY!
WELL, HEY, I'VE GOT TO
OKAY!
WELL, HEY, I'VE GOT TO
[CLEARS THROAT] RUN UP TO
WELL, HEY, I'VE GOT TO
[CLEARS THROAT] RUN UP TO
SURGERY.
[CLEARS THROAT] RUN UP TO
SURGERY.
I'M KIND OF LATE RIGHT NOW.
SURGERY.
I'M KIND OF LATE RIGHT NOW.
SO I'LL PROBABLY BE TAKING OFF!
I'M KIND OF LATE RIGHT NOW.
SO I'LL PROBABLY BE TAKING OFF!
SEE YOU LATER.
SO I'LL PROBABLY BE TAKING OFF!
SEE YOU LATER.
THEY'RE CALLING ME!
SEE YOU LATER.
THEY'RE CALLING ME!
OH, NO!
THEY'RE CALLING ME!
OH, NO!
MY LEG IS TANGLED IN THE CORD!
OH, NO!
MY LEG IS TANGLED IN THE CORD!
IT COULD CUT OFF THE
MY LEG IS TANGLED IN THE CORD!
IT COULD CUT OFF THE
CIRCULATION!
IT COULD CUT OFF THE
CIRCULATION!
HELP ME!
CIRCULATION!
HELP ME!
OKAY.
HELP ME!
OKAY.
HERE, HERE.
OKAY.
HERE, HERE.
LET ME GET YOUR FOOT OUT.
HERE, HERE.
LET ME GET YOUR FOOT OUT.
YEAH!
LET ME GET YOUR FOOT OUT.
YEAH!
MAYBE WE CAN JUST PULL ON IT.
HI, MOM!
HI, DAD!
I'M NOT IN A COMA ANYMORE!
HI, DAD!
I'M NOT IN A COMA ANYMORE!
BUDDY!
I'M NOT IN A COMA ANYMORE!
BUDDY!
OH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
BUDDY!
OH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WERE YOU PULLING THE PLUG ON ME?
OH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WERE YOU PULLING THE PLUG ON ME?
BUDDY, THE DOCTOR TOLD US YOU
WERE YOU PULLING THE PLUG ON ME?
BUDDY, THE DOCTOR TOLD US YOU
WERE A VEGETABLE.
BUDDY, THE DOCTOR TOLD US YOU
WERE A VEGETABLE.
I, FOR ONE, AM BAFFLED!
WERE A VEGETABLE.
I, FOR ONE, AM BAFFLED!
BUT PULLING THE PLUG?
I, FOR ONE, AM BAFFLED!
BUT PULLING THE PLUG?
HONEY, WE WERE JUST DOING
BUT PULLING THE PLUG?
HONEY, WE WERE JUST DOING
WHAT YOU TOLD YOUR FATHER ABOUT
HONEY, WE WERE JUST DOING
WHAT YOU TOLD YOUR FATHER ABOUT
"DYING WITH DIGNITY," YOU KNOW?
WHAT YOU TOLD YOUR FATHER ABOUT
"DYING WITH DIGNITY," YOU KNOW?
IF YOU EVER GOT HIT IN THE HEAD
"DYING WITH DIGNITY," YOU KNOW?
IF YOU EVER GOT HIT IN THE HEAD
WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER AND HAD TO
IF YOU EVER GOT HIT IN THE HEAD
WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER AND HAD TO
BE KEPT ALIVE BY MACHINES?
WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER AND HAD TO
BE KEPT ALIVE BY MACHINES?
YOU REMEMBER.
BE KEPT ALIVE BY MACHINES?
YOU REMEMBER.
I NEVER SAID ANYTHING LIKE
YOU REMEMBER.
I NEVER SAID ANYTHING LIKE
THAT, MOM.
I NEVER SAID ANYTHING LIKE
THAT, MOM.
OH, YEAH.
THAT, MOM.
OH, YEAH.
YOU REMEMBER, DON'T YOU?
OH, YEAH.
YOU REMEMBER, DON'T YOU?
IT WAS THAT ONE DAY, REMEMBER?
YOU REMEMBER, DON'T YOU?
IT WAS THAT ONE DAY, REMEMBER?
YOU WEREN'T ACTING YOURSELF.
IT WAS THAT ONE DAY, REMEMBER?
YOU WEREN'T ACTING YOURSELF.
YOU WERE REAL STRANGE.
YOU WEREN'T ACTING YOURSELF.
YOU WERE REAL STRANGE.
I THOUGHT, "GEE, THAT'S NOT LIKE
YOU WERE REAL STRANGE.
I THOUGHT, "GEE, THAT'S NOT LIKE
BUDDY, WANTS TO DIE LIKE THAT."
I THOUGHT, "GEE, THAT'S NOT LIKE
BUDDY, WANTS TO DIE LIKE THAT."
BUT I FIGURED, "WHAT THE HECK?
BUDDY, WANTS TO DIE LIKE THAT."
BUT I FIGURED, "WHAT THE HECK?
OKAY."
BUT I FIGURED, "WHAT THE HECK?
OKAY."
YOU SAID IT, THOUGH!
OKAY."
YOU SAID IT, THOUGH!
YOU SAID IT.
YOU SAID IT, THOUGH!
YOU SAID IT.
YOU JUST FORGOT.
YOU SAID IT.
YOU JUST FORGOT.
I PROBABLY FORGOT.
YOU JUST FORGOT.
I PROBABLY FORGOT.
WELL, BUDDY, YOU FEEL GOOD
I PROBABLY FORGOT.
WELL, BUDDY, YOU FEEL GOOD
ENOUGH TO GO HOME?
WELL, BUDDY, YOU FEEL GOOD
ENOUGH TO GO HOME?
I GOT A LITTLE HEADACHE, BUT
ENOUGH TO GO HOME?
I GOT A LITTLE HEADACHE, BUT
I FEEL JUST GREAT!
I GOT A LITTLE HEADACHE, BUT
I FEEL JUST GREAT!
ALL RIGHT.
I FEEL JUST GREAT!
ALL RIGHT.
I'LL FIX YOU A NICE, BIG
ALL RIGHT.
I'LL FIX YOU A NICE, BIG
LUNCH.
I'LL FIX YOU A NICE, BIG
LUNCH.
AND WE'LL GO HUNTING FIRST
LUNCH.
AND WE'LL GO HUNTING FIRST
THING NEXT WEEK, OKAY?
AND WE'LL GO HUNTING FIRST
THING NEXT WEEK, OKAY?
THANKS A LOT, DOCTOR.
THING NEXT WEEK, OKAY?
THANKS A LOT, DOCTOR.
THANKS FOR ALMOST KILLING LITTLE
THANKS A LOT, DOCTOR.
THANKS FOR ALMOST KILLING LITTLE
BUDDY!
THANKS FOR ALMOST KILLING LITTLE
BUDDY!
[DOOR SLAMS]
BUDDY!
[DOOR SLAMS]
WELL, EXCU-U-U-U-U-SE ME!
IN MY HOMETOWN, NEW ORLEANS,
ONE OF THE MOST FAMOUS EATING
PLACES IS BUSTER HOLMES'
ONE OF THE MOST FAMOUS EATING
PLACES IS BUSTER HOLMES'
FABULOUS RESTAURANT ON
PLACES IS BUSTER HOLMES'
FABULOUS RESTAURANT ON
BURGUNDY STREET.
FABULOUS RESTAURANT ON
BURGUNDY STREET.
NOW BUSTER HOLMES COOKS
BURGUNDY STREET.
NOW BUSTER HOLMES COOKS
EVERYTHING SO GOOD, HE'LL MAKE
NOW BUSTER HOLMES COOKS
EVERYTHING SO GOOD, HE'LL MAKE
YOU SMACK YOUR MAMMY.
EVERYTHING SO GOOD, HE'LL MAKE
YOU SMACK YOUR MAMMY.
BUT THERE'S ONE THING
YOU SMACK YOUR MAMMY.
BUT THERE'S ONE THING
BUSTER HOLMES COOKS BETTER THAN
BUT THERE'S ONE THING
BUSTER HOLMES COOKS BETTER THAN
ANYBODY ELSE.
BUSTER HOLMES COOKS BETTER THAN
ANYBODY ELSE.
♪ HOLMES IS THE SPACE
ANYBODY ELSE.
♪ HOLMES IS THE SPACE
DOWN IN NEW ORLEANS
♪ HOLMES IS THE SPACE
DOWN IN NEW ORLEANS
WHERE YOU CAN GET YOUR STOMACH
DOWN IN NEW ORLEANS
WHERE YOU CAN GET YOUR STOMACH
FULL OF RED BEANS AND RICE ♪
WHERE YOU CAN GET YOUR STOMACH
FULL OF RED BEANS AND RICE ♪
♪ FOR 40 CENTS ♪
FULL OF RED BEANS AND RICE ♪
♪ FOR 40 CENTS ♪
THIS IS BUSTER HOLMES, THE
♪ FOR 40 CENTS ♪
THIS IS BUSTER HOLMES, THE
KING OF RED BEANS.
THIS IS BUSTER HOLMES, THE
KING OF RED BEANS.
I HAVE ALL KINDS... HAM
KING OF RED BEANS.
I HAVE ALL KINDS... HAM
SANDWICH, POOR BOYS THAT LONG,
I HAVE ALL KINDS... HAM
SANDWICH, POOR BOYS THAT LONG,
AND BREAD AND BUTTER ANY WAY YOU
SANDWICH, POOR BOYS THAT LONG,
AND BREAD AND BUTTER ANY WAY YOU
WANT IT.
AND BREAD AND BUTTER ANY WAY YOU
WANT IT.
THAT'S TO GO, IF YOU WANT.
WANT IT.
THAT'S TO GO, IF YOU WANT.
HAMBURGERS, WEENIES... ALL THAT
THAT'S TO GO, IF YOU WANT.
HAMBURGERS, WEENIES... ALL THAT
GOING.
HAMBURGERS, WEENIES... ALL THAT
GOING.
TAKE HIS MEALS ON A PLANE.
GOING.
TAKE HIS MEALS ON A PLANE.
LET HIM TRAVEL WITH IT.
TAKE HIS MEALS ON A PLANE.
LET HIM TRAVEL WITH IT.
WE GOT FRIED CHICKEN, MEAT LOAF,
LET HIM TRAVEL WITH IT.
WE GOT FRIED CHICKEN, MEAT LOAF,
AND A HOT SAUSAGE, SMOKED
WE GOT FRIED CHICKEN, MEAT LOAF,
AND A HOT SAUSAGE, SMOKED
SAUSAGE AND A BAKED HAM AND RED
AND A HOT SAUSAGE, SMOKED
SAUSAGE AND A BAKED HAM AND RED
BEANS.
SAUSAGE AND A BAKED HAM AND RED
BEANS.
BEST SOUL FOOD THEY GOT HERE
BEANS.
BEST SOUL FOOD THEY GOT HERE
IN THE QUARTER.
BEST SOUL FOOD THEY GOT HERE
IN THE QUARTER.
PRICES ARE RIGHT, AND I KNOW
IN THE QUARTER.
PRICES ARE RIGHT, AND I KNOW
SOME OF THE PEOPLE THAT COME
PRICES ARE RIGHT, AND I KNOW
SOME OF THE PEOPLE THAT COME
HERE.
SOME OF THE PEOPLE THAT COME
HERE.
I'M HAVING VEGETABLES, BROWN
HERE.
I'M HAVING VEGETABLES, BROWN
GRAVY AND RICE AND MEAT LOAF.
I'M HAVING VEGETABLES, BROWN
GRAVY AND RICE AND MEAT LOAF.
IT'S CALLED REAL SOUL FOOD.
GRAVY AND RICE AND MEAT LOAF.
IT'S CALLED REAL SOUL FOOD.
RIGHT, POP.
IT'S CALLED REAL SOUL FOOD.
RIGHT, POP.
YEAH, EVERYBODY LOVES THESE
RIGHT, POP.
YEAH, EVERYBODY LOVES THESE
RED BEANS.
YEAH, EVERYBODY LOVES THESE
RED BEANS.
MEAT LOAF, MEATBALLS... ANYTHING
RED BEANS.
MEAT LOAF, MEATBALLS... ANYTHING
YOU WANT WITH THEM RED BEANS.
MEAT LOAF, MEATBALLS... ANYTHING
YOU WANT WITH THEM RED BEANS.
I LIKE TO FEED PEOPLE.
YOU WANT WITH THEM RED BEANS.
I LIKE TO FEED PEOPLE.
EVERYBODY LOVES BUSTER'S, AND
I LIKE TO FEED PEOPLE.
EVERYBODY LOVES BUSTER'S, AND
BUSTER LOVES THE PEOPLE, AND HE
EVERYBODY LOVES BUSTER'S, AND
BUSTER LOVES THE PEOPLE, AND HE
KEEP THEM A-GOING.
BUSTER LOVES THE PEOPLE, AND HE
KEEP THEM A-GOING.
ALL THE BREAD AND BUTTER THEY
KEEP THEM A-GOING.
ALL THE BREAD AND BUTTER THEY
WANT WITH THAT SOUL FOOD.
ALL THE BREAD AND BUTTER THEY
WANT WITH THAT SOUL FOOD.
EVERYTHING IS LOVELY HERE THIS
WANT WITH THAT SOUL FOOD.
EVERYTHING IS LOVELY HERE THIS
TIME OF YEAR.
EVERYTHING IS LOVELY HERE THIS
TIME OF YEAR.
Y'ALL COMING IN, BABY?
TIME OF YEAR.
Y'ALL COMING IN, BABY?
COME ON.
Y'ALL COMING IN, BABY?
COME ON.
Y'ALL COMING IN?
COME ON.
Y'ALL COMING IN?
COME ON IN.
Y'ALL COMING IN?
COME ON IN.
COME ON IN.
COME ON IN.
COME ON IN.
GO AHEAD ON IN, BABY.
COME ON IN.
GO AHEAD ON IN, BABY.
HEY!
GO AHEAD ON IN, BABY.
HEY!
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
HEY!
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
OKAY, EVERYTHING IS ALL RIGHT?
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
OKAY, EVERYTHING IS ALL RIGHT?
OKAY.
Announcer: AND NOW IT'S TIME
TO PLAY "HOLLYWOOD BINGO."
SO LET'S BRING OUT YOUR HOST,
TO PLAY "HOLLYWOOD BINGO."
SO LET'S BRING OUT YOUR HOST,
GERN BLANSTON.
SO LET'S BRING OUT YOUR HOST,
GERN BLANSTON.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
GERN BLANSTON.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU, DON PARDO.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU, DON PARDO.
THANK YOU AND GOOD EVENING.
THANK YOU, DON PARDO.
THANK YOU AND GOOD EVENING.
I'M GERN BLANSTON, AND WELCOME
THANK YOU AND GOOD EVENING.
I'M GERN BLANSTON, AND WELCOME
TO "HOLLYWOOD BINGO," WHERE YOU
I'M GERN BLANSTON, AND WELCOME
TO "HOLLYWOOD BINGO," WHERE YOU
MEET THE BIG STARS, GO FOR THE
TO "HOLLYWOOD BINGO," WHERE YOU
MEET THE BIG STARS, GO FOR THE
BIG PRIZES AND THE BIG MONEY.
MEET THE BIG STARS, GO FOR THE
BIG PRIZES AND THE BIG MONEY.
YOU KNOW HOW THE GAME IS PLAYED.
BIG PRIZES AND THE BIG MONEY.
YOU KNOW HOW THE GAME IS PLAYED.
SIX ACROSS, UP AND DOWN...
YOU KNOW HOW THE GAME IS PLAYED.
SIX ACROSS, UP AND DOWN...
[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
SIX ACROSS, UP AND DOWN...
[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
OKAY, NOW LET'S MEET THE STARS.
[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
OKAY, NOW LET'S MEET THE STARS.
HELLO, STARS!
OKAY, NOW LET'S MEET THE STARS.
HELLO, STARS!
All: HELLO, GERN!
HELLO, STARS!
All: HELLO, GERN!
OKAY, ALL THE WAY UP IN THE
All: HELLO, GERN!
OKAY, ALL THE WAY UP IN THE
"B," WHY IT'S THAT LATINO HOT
OKAY, ALL THE WAY UP IN THE
"B," WHY IT'S THAT LATINO HOT
TAMALE, CHARO!
"B," WHY IT'S THAT LATINO HOT
TAMALE, CHARO!
OOH...
TAMALE, CHARO!
OOH...
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
OOH...
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
CHARO WILL BE APPEARING AT
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
CHARO WILL BE APPEARING AT
THE IMPERIAL LAKE TAHOE.
CHARO WILL BE APPEARING AT
THE IMPERIAL LAKE TAHOE.
SAY, IF ANYONE CAN, THE CANDY
THE IMPERIAL LAKE TAHOE.
SAY, IF ANYONE CAN, THE CANDY
MAN CAN, 'CAUSE THE CANDY MAN IS
SAY, IF ANYONE CAN, THE CANDY
MAN CAN, 'CAUSE THE CANDY MAN IS
NONE OTHER THAN I-19,
MAN CAN, 'CAUSE THE CANDY MAN IS
NONE OTHER THAN I-19,
SAMMY DAVIS JR.!
NONE OTHER THAN I-19,
SAMMY DAVIS JR.!
YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME, MAN.
SAMMY DAVIS JR.!
YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME, MAN.
THANK YOU, SAMMY.
YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME, MAN.
THANK YOU, SAMMY.
SAMMY WILL BE OPENING AT THE
THANK YOU, SAMMY.
SAMMY WILL BE OPENING AT THE
DUNE WITH DEAN IN VEGAS.
SAMMY WILL BE OPENING AT THE
DUNE WITH DEAN IN VEGAS.
SAY, HERE'S A CRAZY, KOOKY NUT
DUNE WITH DEAN IN VEGAS.
SAY, HERE'S A CRAZY, KOOKY NUT
WHO SEES THINGS SAMMY'S WAY...
SAY, HERE'S A CRAZY, KOOKY NUT
WHO SEES THINGS SAMMY'S WAY...
SANDY DUNCAN!
WHO SEES THINGS SAMMY'S WAY...
SANDY DUNCAN!
HI, EVERYBODY.
SANDY DUNCAN!
HI, EVERYBODY.
I'LL BE STARRING IN STRATFORD,
HI, EVERYBODY.
I'LL BE STARRING IN STRATFORD,
CONNECTICUT, WHERE I'LL BE
I'LL BE STARRING IN STRATFORD,
CONNECTICUT, WHERE I'LL BE
PLAYING KATE IN "TAMING OF THE
CONNECTICUT, WHERE I'LL BE
PLAYING KATE IN "TAMING OF THE
SHREW."
PLAYING KATE IN "TAMING OF THE
SHREW."
NEXT, THE MAN WHO'S A MOVIE
SHREW."
NEXT, THE MAN WHO'S A MOVIE
STAR, A GOURMET CHEF, ALL-AROUND
NEXT, THE MAN WHO'S A MOVIE
STAR, A GOURMET CHEF, ALL-AROUND
GREAT GUY, G-50, VINCENT PRICE.
STAR, A GOURMET CHEF, ALL-AROUND
GREAT GUY, G-50, VINCENT PRICE.
YOU KNOW I ADORE DOING THE
GREAT GUY, G-50, VINCENT PRICE.
YOU KNOW I ADORE DOING THE
SHOW, GERN, AND I JUST WANT TO
YOU KNOW I ADORE DOING THE
SHOW, GERN, AND I JUST WANT TO
SAY I HAVE A COOKBOOK COMING OUT
SHOW, GERN, AND I JUST WANT TO
SAY I HAVE A COOKBOOK COMING OUT
FROM VIKING PRESS.
SAY I HAVE A COOKBOOK COMING OUT
FROM VIKING PRESS.
IT'S CALLED "THROUGH HIS
FROM VIKING PRESS.
IT'S CALLED "THROUGH HIS
STOMACH."
IT'S CALLED "THROUGH HIS
STOMACH."
HEY, OUR NEXT GAL IS A GREAT,
STOMACH."
HEY, OUR NEXT GAL IS A GREAT,
OLD GAL... THE LOVELY OR
HEY, OUR NEXT GAL IS A GREAT,
OLD GAL... THE LOVELY OR
TALENTED ROSE MARIE.
OLD GAL... THE LOVELY OR
TALENTED ROSE MARIE.
[LAUGHS]
TALENTED ROSE MARIE.
[LAUGHS]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING AFTER THE
[LAUGHS]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING AFTER THE
SHOW?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING AFTER THE
SHOW?
ROSE WILL BE APPEARING ON OLD
SHOW?
ROSE WILL BE APPEARING ON OLD
RERUNS OF THE "DICK VAN DYKE
ROSE WILL BE APPEARING ON OLD
RERUNS OF THE "DICK VAN DYKE
SHOW."
RERUNS OF THE "DICK VAN DYKE
SHOW."
HEY, I LOVE TO KID OUR NEXT
SHOW."
HEY, I LOVE TO KID OUR NEXT
STAR, MR. SHOWBIZ HIMSELF, B-8,
HEY, I LOVE TO KID OUR NEXT
STAR, MR. SHOWBIZ HIMSELF, B-8,
GEORGIE JESSEL.
STAR, MR. SHOWBIZ HIMSELF, B-8,
GEORGIE JESSEL.
IT'S A REAL PLEASURE TO BE
GEORGIE JESSEL.
IT'S A REAL PLEASURE TO BE
HERE, GERN, AND BELIEVE ME, AT
IT'S A REAL PLEASURE TO BE
HERE, GERN, AND BELIEVE ME, AT
MY AGE, IT'S A PLEASURE TO BE
HERE, GERN, AND BELIEVE ME, AT
MY AGE, IT'S A PLEASURE TO BE
ANYWHERE.
MY AGE, IT'S A PLEASURE TO BE
ANYWHERE.
[LAUGHS]
ANYWHERE.
[LAUGHS]
GEORGIE JUST CUT AN ALBUM ON THE
[LAUGHS]
GEORGIE JUST CUT AN ALBUM ON THE
MCA LABEL... "JESSEL DOES IT TO
GEORGIE JUST CUT AN ALBUM ON THE
MCA LABEL... "JESSEL DOES IT TO
JOLSON."
MCA LABEL... "JESSEL DOES IT TO
JOLSON."
HEY, I'M REAL PROUD TO BE ABLE
JOLSON."
HEY, I'M REAL PROUD TO BE ABLE
TO CALL OUR NEXT STAR MY CLOSE
HEY, I'M REAL PROUD TO BE ABLE
TO CALL OUR NEXT STAR MY CLOSE
PERSONAL FRIEND, MR. TELEVISION
TO CALL OUR NEXT STAR MY CLOSE
PERSONAL FRIEND, MR. TELEVISION
HIMSELF, HAL LINDEN.
PERSONAL FRIEND, MR. TELEVISION
HIMSELF, HAL LINDEN.
YOU KNOW, I LOVE
HIMSELF, HAL LINDEN.
YOU KNOW, I LOVE
"BARNEY MILLER," BUT MY REAL
YOU KNOW, I LOVE
"BARNEY MILLER," BUT MY REAL
ROOTS ARE IN THE LEGITIMATE
"BARNEY MILLER," BUT MY REAL
ROOTS ARE IN THE LEGITIMATE
THEATER, AND I...
ROOTS ARE IN THE LEGITIMATE
THEATER, AND I...
GREAT. GREAT, HAL.
THEATER, AND I...
GREAT. GREAT, HAL.
HAL'S HOPING TO DO A GUEST SHOT
GREAT. GREAT, HAL.
HAL'S HOPING TO DO A GUEST SHOT
ON THE McLEAN STEVENSON SHOW
HAL'S HOPING TO DO A GUEST SHOT
ON THE McLEAN STEVENSON SHOW
NEXT YEAR.
ON THE McLEAN STEVENSON SHOW
NEXT YEAR.
GOOD LUCK ON THAT ONE, HAL.
NEXT YEAR.
GOOD LUCK ON THAT ONE, HAL.
HEY, HERE'S A STAR WHO MADE THE
GOOD LUCK ON THAT ONE, HAL.
HEY, HERE'S A STAR WHO MADE THE
SUCCESSFUL TRANSITION FROM
HEY, HERE'S A STAR WHO MADE THE
SUCCESSFUL TRANSITION FROM
MOVIES TO TELEVISION, THE STAR
SUCCESSFUL TRANSITION FROM
MOVIES TO TELEVISION, THE STAR
OF "BARETTA," ROBERT BLAKE.
MOVIES TO TELEVISION, THE STAR
OF "BARETTA," ROBERT BLAKE.
FIVE YEARS AGO, I WOULDN'T
OF "BARETTA," ROBERT BLAKE.
FIVE YEARS AGO, I WOULDN'T
HAVE DONE THIS SHOW ON A DARE.
FIVE YEARS AGO, I WOULDN'T
HAVE DONE THIS SHOW ON A DARE.
I'M DOING IT NOW BECAUSE I GOT A
HAVE DONE THIS SHOW ON A DARE.
I'M DOING IT NOW BECAUSE I GOT A
BIG HIT.
I'M DOING IT NOW BECAUSE I GOT A
BIG HIT.
YOU CAN BANK ON THAT.
BIG HIT.
YOU CAN BANK ON THAT.
"DESE, DEM, DOSE."
YOU CAN BANK ON THAT.
"DESE, DEM, DOSE."
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I HAVE
"DESE, DEM, DOSE."
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I HAVE
TO SAY, IF GOD HAD ANGELS AS
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I HAVE
TO SAY, IF GOD HAD ANGELS AS
PRETTY AS THIS NEXT GUEST, HE
TO SAY, IF GOD HAD ANGELS AS
PRETTY AS THIS NEXT GUEST, HE
WOULDN'T HAVE DIED.
PRETTY AS THIS NEXT GUEST, HE
WOULDN'T HAVE DIED.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
WOULDN'T HAVE DIED.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
FARRAH FAWCETT MAJORS.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
FARRAH FAWCETT MAJORS.
YOU KNOW, FARRAH AND HER HAIR
FARRAH FAWCETT MAJORS.
YOU KNOW, FARRAH AND HER HAIR
WILL BE APPEARING IN SEPARATE
YOU KNOW, FARRAH AND HER HAIR
WILL BE APPEARING IN SEPARATE
CITIES.
WILL BE APPEARING IN SEPARATE
CITIES.
AND NOW A FONZIE LOOK-ALIKE,
CITIES.
AND NOW A FONZIE LOOK-ALIKE,
STEFFY HELLERS, O-67.
AND NOW A FONZIE LOOK-ALIKE,
STEFFY HELLERS, O-67.
OKAY, NOW I DON'T KNOW WHO HE
STEFFY HELLERS, O-67.
OKAY, NOW I DON'T KNOW WHO HE
IS.
OKAY, NOW I DON'T KNOW WHO HE
IS.
OKAY, LET'S SEE, UNDER THE "B."
IS.
OKAY, LET'S SEE, UNDER THE "B."
LET'S WELCOME DRINK MEXICO.
OKAY, LET'S SEE, UNDER THE "B."
LET'S WELCOME DRINK MEXICO.
DRINK IS SORT OF IN THE NATIONAL
LET'S WELCOME DRINK MEXICO.
DRINK IS SORT OF IN THE NATIONAL
TOURING COMPANY OF "MAN WITHOUT
DRINK IS SORT OF IN THE NATIONAL
TOURING COMPANY OF "MAN WITHOUT
A PIN."
TOURING COMPANY OF "MAN WITHOUT
A PIN."
OKAY, NOW THE SENSATIONAL
A PIN."
OKAY, NOW THE SENSATIONAL
SONJA.
OKAY, NOW THE SENSATIONAL
SONJA.
SONJA'S CURRENTLY APPEARING ON
SONJA.
SONJA'S CURRENTLY APPEARING ON
"HOLLYWOOD BINGO."
SONJA'S CURRENTLY APPEARING ON
"HOLLYWOOD BINGO."
OKAY, THAT BRINGS US UP TO THE
"HOLLYWOOD BINGO."
OKAY, THAT BRINGS US UP TO THE
CHARLIE WEAVER MEMORIAL FREE
OKAY, THAT BRINGS US UP TO THE
CHARLIE WEAVER MEMORIAL FREE
SQUARE.
CHARLIE WEAVER MEMORIAL FREE
SQUARE.
AND CHARLIE WILL BE APPEARING...
SQUARE.
AND CHARLIE WILL BE APPEARING...
NOWHERE.
AND CHARLIE WILL BE APPEARING...
NOWHERE.
YOU KNOW, CHARLIE WOULD HAVE
NOWHERE.
YOU KNOW, CHARLIE WOULD HAVE
LOVED THAT JOKE.
YOU KNOW, CHARLIE WOULD HAVE
LOVED THAT JOKE.
NEXT, G-56, A REAL NUN AND A
LOVED THAT JOKE.
NEXT, G-56, A REAL NUN AND A
REAL CAT, TO BOOT... IT'S
NEXT, G-56, A REAL NUN AND A
REAL CAT, TO BOOT... IT'S
SISTER MARY MARGARET MARY, THE
REAL CAT, TO BOOT... IT'S
SISTER MARY MARGARET MARY, THE
NUTTY NUN!
SISTER MARY MARGARET MARY, THE
NUTTY NUN!
HEY, ISN'T SHE FUNNY?
NUTTY NUN!
HEY, ISN'T SHE FUNNY?
O-72... SY BLINKWELL.
HEY, ISN'T SHE FUNNY?
O-72... SY BLINKWELL.
SY WILL UNDERSTUDY RIP TAYLOR IN
O-72... SY BLINKWELL.
SY WILL UNDERSTUDY RIP TAYLOR IN
THE L.A. PRODUCTION OF "DIAL 'N'
SY WILL UNDERSTUDY RIP TAYLOR IN
THE L.A. PRODUCTION OF "DIAL 'N'
FOR NURDER."
THE L.A. PRODUCTION OF "DIAL 'N'
FOR NURDER."
AND UNDER THE "B"... NEVER SAW
FOR NURDER."
AND UNDER THE "B"... NEVER SAW
HIM BEFORE.
AND UNDER THE "B"... NEVER SAW
HIM BEFORE.
DON'T KNOW WHO HE IS.
HIM BEFORE.
DON'T KNOW WHO HE IS.
NEVER SEEN HIM BEFORE.
DON'T KNOW WHO HE IS.
NEVER SEEN HIM BEFORE.
NOT SURE ABOUT HIM, AND WE'RE
NEVER SEEN HIM BEFORE.
NOT SURE ABOUT HIM, AND WE'RE
NOT SURE ABOUT THIS PERSON,
NOT SURE ABOUT HIM, AND WE'RE
NOT SURE ABOUT THIS PERSON,
EITHER, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
NOT SURE ABOUT THIS PERSON,
EITHER, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
BUT WE DO BELIEVE THIS NEXT
EITHER, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
BUT WE DO BELIEVE THIS NEXT
PERSON RIGHT ALONG HERE IS
BUT WE DO BELIEVE THIS NEXT
PERSON RIGHT ALONG HERE IS
WOODY ALLEN'S SISTER.
PERSON RIGHT ALONG HERE IS
WOODY ALLEN'S SISTER.
ALL RIGHT, NOW UNDER THE "B,"
WOODY ALLEN'S SISTER.
ALL RIGHT, NOW UNDER THE "B,"
IT'S GARTH LUDROW, ROAD MANAGER
ALL RIGHT, NOW UNDER THE "B,"
IT'S GARTH LUDROW, ROAD MANAGER
FOR MICKEY DOLENZ.
IT'S GARTH LUDROW, ROAD MANAGER
FOR MICKEY DOLENZ.
NOW I-28, VERN HOOKMAN.
FOR MICKEY DOLENZ.
NOW I-28, VERN HOOKMAN.
VERN JUST FINISHED MAKING
NOW I-28, VERN HOOKMAN.
VERN JUST FINISHED MAKING
"KING KONG," IN WHICH HE PLAYED
VERN JUST FINISHED MAKING
"KING KONG," IN WHICH HE PLAYED
A FRIGHTENED PERSON.
"KING KONG," IN WHICH HE PLAYED
A FRIGHTENED PERSON.
OKAY, SAY HI TO HAROLD.
A FRIGHTENED PERSON.
OKAY, SAY HI TO HAROLD.
HAROLD WILL BE APPEARING BEHIND
OKAY, SAY HI TO HAROLD.
HAROLD WILL BE APPEARING BEHIND
THE MEAT COUNTER WEEKDAYS TILL
HAROLD WILL BE APPEARING BEHIND
THE MEAT COUNTER WEEKDAYS TILL
6:00.
THE MEAT COUNTER WEEKDAYS TILL
6:00.
NOW G-49.
6:00.
NOW G-49.
AND NOW FINALLY O-73... JOANIE
NOW G-49.
AND NOW FINALLY O-73... JOANIE
FROM NEXT DOOR.
AND NOW FINALLY O-73... JOANIE
FROM NEXT DOOR.
JOANIE EATS FOOD.
FROM NEXT DOOR.
JOANIE EATS FOOD.
AND THOSE ARE OUR STARS TONIGHT
JOANIE EATS FOOD.
AND THOSE ARE OUR STARS TONIGHT
ON "HOLLYWOOD BINGO."
AND THOSE ARE OUR STARS TONIGHT
ON "HOLLYWOOD BINGO."
HEY, WE'RE ALL OUT OF TIME.
ON "HOLLYWOOD BINGO."
HEY, WE'RE ALL OUT OF TIME.
DON'T HAVE TIME TO PLAY THE
HEY, WE'RE ALL OUT OF TIME.
DON'T HAVE TIME TO PLAY THE
GAME, BUT TUNE IN NEXT WEEK WHEN
DON'T HAVE TIME TO PLAY THE
GAME, BUT TUNE IN NEXT WEEK WHEN
25 DIFFERENT STARS WILL PLUG 25
GAME, BUT TUNE IN NEXT WEEK WHEN
25 DIFFERENT STARS WILL PLUG 25
DIFFERENT THINGS.
25 DIFFERENT STARS WILL PLUG 25
DIFFERENT THINGS.
GOODBYE, STARS!
THIS WEEK'S HOME MOVIE WAS
SUBMITTED BY THE FRIENDS OF
LILY TOMLIN.
SUBMITTED BY THE FRIENDS OF
LILY TOMLIN.
IT'S ENTITLED FROM "THE BIG
LILY TOMLIN.
IT'S ENTITLED FROM "THE BIG
ORANGE TO THE BIG APPLE."
IT'S ENTITLED FROM "THE BIG
ORANGE TO THE BIG APPLE."
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
YES, WE'RE ON OUR WAY.
WE'RE JUST FILLING UP NOW.
THERE'S A REAL CUTE GUY AT THE
WE'RE JUST FILLING UP NOW.
THERE'S A REAL CUTE GUY AT THE
PUMPS.
THERE'S A REAL CUTE GUY AT THE
PUMPS.
YOU OUGHT TO SEE HIM.
PUMPS.
YOU OUGHT TO SEE HIM.
THE REST OF US ARE PILED IN THE
YOU OUGHT TO SEE HIM.
THE REST OF US ARE PILED IN THE
CAR.
THE REST OF US ARE PILED IN THE
CAR.
IT'S GONNA BE A HORRIBLE TRIP
CAR.
IT'S GONNA BE A HORRIBLE TRIP
FOR ME.
IT'S GONNA BE A HORRIBLE TRIP
FOR ME.
I CAN HARDLY STAND TO ASSOCIATE
FOR ME.
I CAN HARDLY STAND TO ASSOCIATE
WITH MOST OF THEM.
I CAN HARDLY STAND TO ASSOCIATE
WITH MOST OF THEM.
WELL, WE'LL SEE YOU SOON.
WITH MOST OF THEM.
WELL, WE'LL SEE YOU SOON.
I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT
WELL, WE'LL SEE YOU SOON.
I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT
I'M SENDING YOU MY LOVE, AND
I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT
I'M SENDING YOU MY LOVE, AND
I'LL BE BACK SOON, BECAUSE I'M
I'M SENDING YOU MY LOVE, AND
I'LL BE BACK SOON, BECAUSE I'M
SURE SHE'LL GET BAD REVIEWS.
I'LL BE BACK SOON, BECAUSE I'M
SURE SHE'LL GET BAD REVIEWS.
IT'S BOUND TO CLOSE IN TWO OR
SURE SHE'LL GET BAD REVIEWS.
IT'S BOUND TO CLOSE IN TWO OR
THREE DAYS.
IT'S BOUND TO CLOSE IN TWO OR
THREE DAYS.
[SNORTS]
THREE DAYS.
[SNORTS]
HEY, WHERE YOU CHICKS HEADED?
[SNORTS]
HEY, WHERE YOU CHICKS HEADED?
JUST YOU NEVER MIND, BUSTER.
HEY, WHERE YOU CHICKS HEADED?
JUST YOU NEVER MIND, BUSTER.
DIDN'T HE THINK HE WAS GOD'S
JUST YOU NEVER MIND, BUSTER.
DIDN'T HE THINK HE WAS GOD'S
GIFT?
DIDN'T HE THINK HE WAS GOD'S
GIFT?
LET'S SEE NOW.
GIFT?
LET'S SEE NOW.
DO WE HAVE EVERYTHING?
LET'S SEE NOW.
DO WE HAVE EVERYTHING?
PORTABLE CLOTHESLINE, RICE
DO WE HAVE EVERYTHING?
PORTABLE CLOTHESLINE, RICE
PACKAGES, TANG, SNAKE-BITE KIT,
PORTABLE CLOTHESLINE, RICE
PACKAGES, TANG, SNAKE-BITE KIT,
FLASHLIGHT AND FLARES, SANITIZED
PACKAGES, TANG, SNAKE-BITE KIT,
FLASHLIGHT AND FLARES, SANITIZED
TOILET-SEAT COVER.
FLASHLIGHT AND FLARES, SANITIZED
TOILET-SEAT COVER.
DID YOU BRING THOSE, SUZIE?
TOILET-SEAT COVER.
DID YOU BRING THOSE, SUZIE?
BAND-AIDS, WATERPROOF MATCHES,
DID YOU BRING THOSE, SUZIE?
BAND-AIDS, WATERPROOF MATCHES,
LIE-DETECTOR KIT, COMPASS,
BAND-AIDS, WATERPROOF MATCHES,
LIE-DETECTOR KIT, COMPASS,
POTATO CHIPS, SUNGLASSES,
LIE-DETECTOR KIT, COMPASS,
POTATO CHIPS, SUNGLASSES,
DRIVER'S LICENSE IS IN MY PURSE,
POTATO CHIPS, SUNGLASSES,
DRIVER'S LICENSE IS IN MY PURSE,
AND SUGARLESS GUM.
DRIVER'S LICENSE IS IN MY PURSE,
AND SUGARLESS GUM.
EVERYBODY READY?
AND SUGARLESS GUM.
EVERYBODY READY?
LET'S GO.
EVERYBODY READY?
LET'S GO.
EDITH, SIT DOWN.
LET'S GO.
EDITH, SIT DOWN.
HEY, HEY!
EDITH, SIT DOWN.
HEY, HEY!
YOU GOING TO NEW YORK?
HEY, HEY!
YOU GOING TO NEW YORK?
I'M GOING WITH YOU!
YOU GOING TO NEW YORK?
I'M GOING WITH YOU!
[GASPS]
I'M GOING WITH YOU!
[GASPS]
I COULD JUST BARF!
[GASPS]
I COULD JUST BARF!
YOU HOLD THIS!
I COULD JUST BARF!
YOU HOLD THIS!
THIS WOULD BE A GOOD THING TO
YOU HOLD THIS!
THIS WOULD BE A GOOD THING TO
TAKE A TRIP IN.
THIS WOULD BE A GOOD THING TO
TAKE A TRIP IN.
WHAT?
TAKE A TRIP IN.
WHAT?
I REALLY LIKE THIS CAR.
WHAT?
I REALLY LIKE THIS CAR.
LOOK.
I REALLY LIKE THIS CAR.
LOOK.
YOU CAN SEE MY PICTURE IN IT.
LOOK.
YOU CAN SEE MY PICTURE IN IT.
I COULD SEE MY FACE EVERYWHERE.
YOU CAN SEE MY PICTURE IN IT.
I COULD SEE MY FACE EVERYWHERE.
HOW YOU DOING?
I COULD SEE MY FACE EVERYWHERE.
HOW YOU DOING?
HOW YOU DOING?
HOW YOU DOING?
HOW YOU DOING?
GIVE HER SOME MONEY.
HOW YOU DOING?
GIVE HER SOME MONEY.
DON'T GIVE HER A RIDE.
GIVE HER SOME MONEY.
DON'T GIVE HER A RIDE.
MOVE OVER.
DON'T GIVE HER A RIDE.
MOVE OVER.
I'M READY TO GO.
MOVE OVER.
I'M READY TO GO.
OH!
I'M READY TO GO.
OH!
[HORN HONKS]
OH!
[HORN HONKS]
OKAY, JUST BE QUIET A MINUTE.
[HORN HONKS]
OKAY, JUST BE QUIET A MINUTE.
I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
OKAY, JUST BE QUIET A MINUTE.
I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
HELLO. PARDON ME.
I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
HELLO. PARDON ME.
DO YOU HAVE PRINCE ALBERT IN A
HELLO. PARDON ME.
DO YOU HAVE PRINCE ALBERT IN A
CAN?
DO YOU HAVE PRINCE ALBERT IN A
CAN?
WELL, YOU BETTER LET HIM OUT
CAN?
WELL, YOU BETTER LET HIM OUT
BEFORE HE SMOTHERS TO DEATH.
WELL, YOU BETTER LET HIM OUT
BEFORE HE SMOTHERS TO DEATH.
[SNORTS]
BEFORE HE SMOTHERS TO DEATH.
[SNORTS]
♪ FOUND A PEANUT,
[SNORTS]
♪ FOUND A PEANUT,
FOUND A PEANUT,
♪ FOUND A PEANUT,
FOUND A PEANUT,
FOUND A PEANUT JUST NOW ♪
FOUND A PEANUT,
FOUND A PEANUT JUST NOW ♪
♪ I JUST NOW FOUND A PEANUT ♪
FOUND A PEANUT JUST NOW ♪
♪ I JUST NOW FOUND A PEANUT ♪
♪ FOUND A PEANUT JUST NOW ♪
♪ I JUST NOW FOUND A PEANUT ♪
♪ FOUND A PEANUT JUST NOW ♪
♪ CRACKED IT OPEN,
♪ FOUND A PEANUT JUST NOW ♪
♪ CRACKED IT OPEN,
CRACKED IT OPEN,
♪ CRACKED IT OPEN,
CRACKED IT OPEN,
CRACKED IT OPEN JUST NOW ♪
CRACKED IT OPEN,
CRACKED IT OPEN JUST NOW ♪
♪ I JUST NOW CRACKED IT OPEN ♪
CRACKED IT OPEN JUST NOW ♪
♪ I JUST NOW CRACKED IT OPEN ♪
♪ CRACKED IT OPEN JUST NOW ♪
♪ I JUST NOW CRACKED IT OPEN ♪
♪ CRACKED IT OPEN JUST NOW ♪
♪ ATE IT ANY... ♪
♪ CRACKED IT OPEN JUST NOW ♪
♪ ATE IT ANY... ♪
♪ FOUND IT ROTTEN,
♪ ATE IT ANY... ♪
♪ FOUND IT ROTTEN,
FOUND IT ROTTEN,
♪ FOUND IT ROTTEN,
FOUND IT ROTTEN,
FOUND IT ROTTEN JUST NOW ♪
FOUND IT ROTTEN,
FOUND IT ROTTEN JUST NOW ♪
♪ I JUST NOW FOUND IT ROTTEN ♪
FOUND IT ROTTEN JUST NOW ♪
♪ I JUST NOW FOUND IT ROTTEN ♪
♪ FOUND IT ROTTEN RIGHT NOW ♪
♪ I JUST NOW FOUND IT ROTTEN ♪
♪ FOUND IT ROTTEN RIGHT NOW ♪
[SIGHS]
♪ FOUND IT ROTTEN RIGHT NOW ♪
[SIGHS]
THIS IS SORT OF A DREAM COME
[SIGHS]
THIS IS SORT OF A DREAM COME
TRUE FOR ME, JUDITH.
THIS IS SORT OF A DREAM COME
TRUE FOR ME, JUDITH.
MRS. BEASLEY?
TRUE FOR ME, JUDITH.
MRS. BEASLEY?
THIS IS SORT OF A DREAM COME
MRS. BEASLEY?
THIS IS SORT OF A DREAM COME
TRUE FOR ME.
THIS IS SORT OF A DREAM COME
TRUE FOR ME.
I MEAN, GOING TO BROADWAY, GOING
TRUE FOR ME.
I MEAN, GOING TO BROADWAY, GOING
TO NEW YORK.
I MEAN, GOING TO BROADWAY, GOING
TO NEW YORK.
I'VE PLAYED EVERY TOWN AND EVERY
TO NEW YORK.
I'VE PLAYED EVERY TOWN AND EVERY
BURGH ACROSS THIS COUNTRY.
I'VE PLAYED EVERY TOWN AND EVERY
BURGH ACROSS THIS COUNTRY.
[HUMMING TO "GIVE MY REGARDS
BURGH ACROSS THIS COUNTRY.
[HUMMING TO "GIVE MY REGARDS
TO BROADWAY"]
[HUMMING TO "GIVE MY REGARDS
TO BROADWAY"]
AND I HAVEN'T ALWAYS BEEN ON THE
[TO BROADWAY"]
AND I HAVEN'T ALWAYS BEEN ON THE
TOP OF THE BILL, EITHER.
AND I HAVEN'T ALWAYS BEEN ON THE
TOP OF THE BILL, EITHER.
HEY!
TOP OF THE BILL, EITHER.
HEY!
HEY, HERE'S A GIRL.
HEY!
HEY, HERE'S A GIRL.
SHE'S GOING THE SAME PLACE WE'RE
HEY, HERE'S A GIRL.
SHE'S GOING THE SAME PLACE WE'RE
GOING!
SHE'S GOING THE SAME PLACE WE'RE
GOING!
HEY, COME ON!
GOING!
HEY, COME ON!
WE'LL GIVE YOU A LIFT!
HEY, COME ON!
WE'LL GIVE YOU A LIFT!
WE'LL GIVE YOU A LIFT!
WE'LL GIVE YOU A LIFT!
WE'LL GIVE YOU A LIFT!
I WANT TO GO FOR A RIDE IN YOUR
WE'LL GIVE YOU A LIFT!
I WANT TO GO FOR A RIDE IN YOUR
CHAIR.
I WANT TO GO FOR A RIDE IN YOUR
CHAIR.
HEY, I WAS GETTING A SUNBURN.
CHAIR.
HEY, I WAS GETTING A SUNBURN.
MY NAME'S TESS.
HEY, I WAS GETTING A SUNBURN.
MY NAME'S TESS.
HOW YOU DOING?
MY NAME'S TESS.
HOW YOU DOING?
I'M CRYSTAL, THE TERRIBLE
HOW YOU DOING?
I'M CRYSTAL, THE TERRIBLE
TUMBLEWEED.
I'M CRYSTAL, THE TERRIBLE
TUMBLEWEED.
WHY CAN'T SOMEONE LIKE THAT
TUMBLEWEED.
WHY CAN'T SOMEONE LIKE THAT
JUST STAY HOME?
WHY CAN'T SOMEONE LIKE THAT
JUST STAY HOME?
LET ME GET A BETTER LOOK AT
JUST STAY HOME?
LET ME GET A BETTER LOOK AT
YOU.
LET ME GET A BETTER LOOK AT
YOU.
WELL, YOU'RE AN INTERESTING
YOU.
WELL, YOU'RE AN INTERESTING
GROUP.
WELL, YOU'RE AN INTERESTING
GROUP.
[LAUGHTER]
GROUP.
[LAUGHTER]
♪ FOUND A PEANUT,
[LAUGHTER]
♪ FOUND A PEANUT,
FOUND A PEANUT,
♪ FOUND A PEANUT,
FOUND A PEANUT,
FOUND A PEANUT JUST NOW ♪
FOUND A PEANUT,
FOUND A PEANUT JUST NOW ♪
♪ I JUST NOW FOUND A PEANUT ♪
FOUND A PEANUT JUST NOW ♪
♪ I JUST NOW FOUND A PEANUT ♪
♪ FOUND A PEANUT JUST NOW ♪
♪ I JUST NOW FOUND A PEANUT ♪
♪ FOUND A PEANUT JUST NOW ♪
♪ FOUND IT ON THE FLOOR,
♪ FOUND A PEANUT JUST NOW ♪
♪ FOUND IT ON THE FLOOR,
FOUND IT ON THE FLOOR,
♪ FOUND IT ON THE FLOOR,
FOUND IT ON THE FLOOR,
FOUND IT ON THE FLOOR JUST NOW ♪
HELLO.
I'M ALEX HALEY.
SLAVERY... PRACTICED IN THIS
I'M ALEX HALEY.
SLAVERY... PRACTICED IN THIS
COUNTRY FROM 1609 TO 1865 OR
SLAVERY... PRACTICED IN THIS
COUNTRY FROM 1609 TO 1865 OR
'70, A TIME IN THIS COUNTRY'S
COUNTRY FROM 1609 TO 1865 OR
'70, A TIME IN THIS COUNTRY'S
HISTORY THAT MOST PEOPLE WOULD
'70, A TIME IN THIS COUNTRY'S
HISTORY THAT MOST PEOPLE WOULD
JUST AS SOON FORGET, AND ALMOST
HISTORY THAT MOST PEOPLE WOULD
JUST AS SOON FORGET, AND ALMOST
EVERYBODY DID UNTIL ABC PRODUCED
JUST AS SOON FORGET, AND ALMOST
EVERYBODY DID UNTIL ABC PRODUCED
A TV VERSION OF MY BOOK,
EVERYBODY DID UNTIL ABC PRODUCED
A TV VERSION OF MY BOOK,
"ROOTS."
A TV VERSION OF MY BOOK,
"ROOTS."
80 MILLION PEOPLE VIEWED THE
"ROOTS."
80 MILLION PEOPLE VIEWED THE
FINAL EPISODE, AND IN ONE WEEK
80 MILLION PEOPLE VIEWED THE
FINAL EPISODE, AND IN ONE WEEK
ABC SOLD $61 MILLION IN
FINAL EPISODE, AND IN ONE WEEK
ABC SOLD $61 MILLION IN
ADVERTISING.
ABC SOLD $61 MILLION IN
ADVERTISING.
AND THE NEXT MORNING, THIS WHITE
ADVERTISING.
AND THE NEXT MORNING, THIS WHITE
DUDE FROM NBC CALLS ME... I
AND THE NEXT MORNING, THIS WHITE
DUDE FROM NBC CALLS ME... I
MEAN, THIS REALLY WHITE DUDE,
DUDE FROM NBC CALLS ME... I
MEAN, THIS REALLY WHITE DUDE,
MAN.
MEAN, THIS REALLY WHITE DUDE,
MAN.
HE SAYS, "WE WANT 'ROOTS II.'"
MAN.
HE SAYS, "WE WANT 'ROOTS II.'"
SO I SAY, "LIKE, MAN, I ALREADY
HE SAYS, "WE WANT 'ROOTS II.'"
SO I SAY, "LIKE, MAN, I ALREADY
DID IT.
SO I SAY, "LIKE, MAN, I ALREADY
DID IT.
I'M FRESH OUT OF RELATIVES."
DID IT.
I'M FRESH OUT OF RELATIVES."
SO HE SAYS, "WE'LL PAY YOU
I'M FRESH OUT OF RELATIVES."
SO HE SAYS, "WE'LL PAY YOU
$3 MILLION."
SO HE SAYS, "WE'LL PAY YOU
$3 MILLION."
SO I SAY, "DAMN, IF I AIN'T GOT
$3 MILLION."
SO I SAY, "DAMN, IF I AIN'T GOT
A GREAT-GREAT GRANDPA I FORGOT
SO I SAY, "DAMN, IF I AIN'T GOT
A GREAT-GREAT GRANDPA I FORGOT
ALL ABOUT."
A GREAT-GREAT GRANDPA I FORGOT
ALL ABOUT."
LIKE, MAN, THIS IS A SAD, SAD
ALL ABOUT."
LIKE, MAN, THIS IS A SAD, SAD
STORY.
LIKE, MAN, THIS IS A SAD, SAD
STORY.
WHEN THEY CAME HERE, THEY DIDN'T
STORY.
WHEN THEY CAME HERE, THEY DIDN'T
HAVE NO MONEY AT ALL.
WHEN THEY CAME HERE, THEY DIDN'T
HAVE NO MONEY AT ALL.
IT TOOK ME 12 YEARS TO WRITE THE
HAVE NO MONEY AT ALL.
IT TOOK ME 12 YEARS TO WRITE THE
FIRST ONE, BUT I HAD TO DO A
IT TOOK ME 12 YEARS TO WRITE THE
FIRST ONE, BUT I HAD TO DO A
RUSH JOB ON THIS ONE.
FIRST ONE, BUT I HAD TO DO A
RUSH JOB ON THIS ONE.
I DID IT IN FOUR DAYS.
RUSH JOB ON THIS ONE.
I DID IT IN FOUR DAYS.
NOW, IT'S A LITTLE BIT RUSHED,
I DID IT IN FOUR DAYS.
NOW, IT'S A LITTLE BIT RUSHED,
BUT HERE IT BE.
NOW, IT'S A LITTLE BIT RUSHED,
BUT HERE IT BE.
I PROUDLY PRESENT "ROOTS II."
BUT HERE IT BE.
I PROUDLY PRESENT "ROOTS II."
["ROOTS" THEME PLAYS]
MAN, YOU GOT TO LEARN THIS
LANGUAGE IF YOU'RE GONNA GET BY,
MAN.
LANGUAGE IF YOU'RE GONNA GET BY,
MAN.
NOW, WHAT'S THIS OVER HERE?
MAN.
NOW, WHAT'S THIS OVER HERE?
THAT BE A WINDOW.
NOW, WHAT'S THIS OVER HERE?
THAT BE A WINDOW.
RIGHT.
THAT BE A WINDOW.
RIGHT.
NOW, WHAT'S THAT, RIGHT OVER
RIGHT.
NOW, WHAT'S THAT, RIGHT OVER
THERE?
NOW, WHAT'S THAT, RIGHT OVER
THERE?
THAT'S A HORSE.
THERE?
THAT'S A HORSE.
ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S A HORSE.
ALL RIGHT.
I'M TIRED OF THIS.
ALL RIGHT.
I'M TIRED OF THIS.
NO CRAZY CRACKER'S GONNA SELL
I'M TIRED OF THIS.
NO CRAZY CRACKER'S GONNA SELL
THE SON OF A MANDINKO WARRIOR.
NO CRAZY CRACKER'S GONNA SELL
THE SON OF A MANDINKO WARRIOR.
I AM BOP-SHU-WOP, SON OF
THE SON OF A MANDINKO WARRIOR.
I AM BOP-SHU-WOP, SON OF
SHA-NA-NA, GRANDSON OF THE GREAT
I AM BOP-SHU-WOP, SON OF
SHA-NA-NA, GRANDSON OF THE GREAT
HOLY MAN, SHA-BOOM, SHA-BOOM.
SHA-NA-NA, GRANDSON OF THE GREAT
HOLY MAN, SHA-BOOM, SHA-BOOM.
WELL, THESE CATS DON'T GO FOR
HOLY MAN, SHA-BOOM, SHA-BOOM.
WELL, THESE CATS DON'T GO FOR
NONE OF THAT JUNGLE JABBER, SO
WELL, THESE CATS DON'T GO FOR
NONE OF THAT JUNGLE JABBER, SO
YOU BETTER QUIT TALKING LIKE
NONE OF THAT JUNGLE JABBER, SO
YOU BETTER QUIT TALKING LIKE
THAT.
YOU BETTER QUIT TALKING LIKE
THAT.
THEY'LL CUT OUT YOUR TONGUE.
THAT.
THEY'LL CUT OUT YOUR TONGUE.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
THEY'LL CUT OUT YOUR TONGUE.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
NOW, WHAT'S THAT, RIGHT OVER
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
NOW, WHAT'S THAT, RIGHT OVER
THERE?
NOW, WHAT'S THAT, RIGHT OVER
THERE?
OH, THAT BE A SPOON.
THERE?
OH, THAT BE A SPOON.
NO.
OH, THAT BE A SPOON.
NO.
THAT BE A BARREL.
NO.
THAT BE A BARREL.
NO.
THAT BE A BARREL.
NO.
THAT BE A LIGHTNING STICK
NO.
THAT BE A LIGHTNING STICK
THEY'LL BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF WITH,
THAT BE A LIGHTNING STICK
THEY'LL BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF WITH,
YOU TRY TO RUN AWAY.
THEY'LL BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF WITH,
YOU TRY TO RUN AWAY.
NOW, WHAT'S THIS, RIGHT HERE?
YOU TRY TO RUN AWAY.
NOW, WHAT'S THIS, RIGHT HERE?
THAT?
NOW, WHAT'S THIS, RIGHT HERE?
THAT?
OH!
THAT?
OH!
Both: THAT BE AN OLD ONE!
OH!
Both: THAT BE AN OLD ONE!
GIVE ME THAT LONG SOUL.
Both: THAT BE AN OLD ONE!
GIVE ME THAT LONG SOUL.
HEY.
GIVE ME THAT LONG SOUL.
HEY.
AAH!
HEY.
AAH!
OH, MAN!
AAH!
OH, MAN!
NO, MAN, YOU GOT TO UNLOCK MY
OH, MAN!
NO, MAN, YOU GOT TO UNLOCK MY
FACE FIRST.
NO, MAN, YOU GOT TO UNLOCK MY
FACE FIRST.
THANK YOU.
FACE FIRST.
THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY COME ON
THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY COME ON
OUT FOR NAME CHANGING.
ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY COME ON
OUT FOR NAME CHANGING.
COME ON OUT HERE.
OUT FOR NAME CHANGING.
COME ON OUT HERE.
YOU, COME OUT HERE.
COME ON OUT HERE.
YOU, COME OUT HERE.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME, BOY?
YOU, COME OUT HERE.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME, BOY?
MY NAME IS BOP-SHU-WOP.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME, BOY?
MY NAME IS BOP-SHU-WOP.
WELL, FROM NOW ON YOUR NAME
MY NAME IS BOP-SHU-WOP.
WELL, FROM NOW ON YOUR NAME
IS... PEGGY FLEMING.
WELL, FROM NOW ON YOUR NAME
IS... PEGGY FLEMING.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
IS... PEGGY FLEMING.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
BOP-SHU-WOP.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
BOP-SHU-WOP.
PEGGY FLEMING!
BOP-SHU-WOP.
PEGGY FLEMING!
AAH!
PEGGY FLEMING!
AAH!
BOP-SHU-WOP.
AAH!
BOP-SHU-WOP.
PEGGY FLEMING!
BOP-SHU-WOP.
PEGGY FLEMING!
OW!
PEGGY FLEMING!
OW!
[Quickly] BOP-SHU-WOP.
OW!
[Quickly] BOP-SHU-WOP.
AAH!
[Quickly] BOP-SHU-WOP.
AAH!
WHAT ABOUT... 'CAUSE EVERYBODY
AAH!
WHAT ABOUT... 'CAUSE EVERYBODY
CALLS ME "THE DOCTOR."
WHAT ABOUT... 'CAUSE EVERYBODY
CALLS ME "THE DOCTOR."
OW, OW!
CALLS ME "THE DOCTOR."
OW, OW!
OW-OW-OW-OW!
OW, OW!
OW-OW-OW-OW!
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.
OW-OW-OW-OW!
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.
OKAY.
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.
OKAY.
PEGGY FLEMING.
OKAY.
PEGGY FLEMING.
THAT DO HAVE A NICE RING TO IT.
PEGGY FLEMING.
THAT DO HAVE A NICE RING TO IT.
OKAY.
THAT DO HAVE A NICE RING TO IT.
OKAY.
COME ON UP HERE.
OKAY.
COME ON UP HERE.
SEE, LOOKY HERE.
COME ON UP HERE.
SEE, LOOKY HERE.
MAMA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING AFTER
SEE, LOOKY HERE.
MAMA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING AFTER
THE SHOW?
MAMA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING AFTER
THE SHOW?
OH, UM, I'VE DONE A LOT OF
THE SHOW?
OH, UM, I'VE DONE A LOT OF
KIDDING, BUT, SERIOUSLY, MY
OH, UM, I'VE DONE A LOT OF
KIDDING, BUT, SERIOUSLY, MY
FAMILY TREE IS NOW THE PRIDE OF
KIDDING, BUT, SERIOUSLY, MY
FAMILY TREE IS NOW THE PRIDE OF
MY LIFE.
FAMILY TREE IS NOW THE PRIDE OF
MY LIFE.
MY GREAT-GREAT GRANDMOTHER WAS
MY LIFE.
MY GREAT-GREAT GRANDMOTHER WAS
LESLIE UGGAMS, WHO ALMOST
MY GREAT-GREAT GRANDMOTHER WAS
LESLIE UGGAMS, WHO ALMOST
MARRIED THE GUY FROM "WELCOME
LESLIE UGGAMS, WHO ALMOST
MARRIED THE GUY FROM "WELCOME
BACK, KOTTER."
MARRIED THE GUY FROM "WELCOME
BACK, KOTTER."
AND HER FATHER WAS JOHN AMOS,
BACK, KOTTER."
AND HER FATHER WAS JOHN AMOS,
WHO MARRIED FLORIDA, WHO USED TO
AND HER FATHER WAS JOHN AMOS,
WHO MARRIED FLORIDA, WHO USED TO
WORK FOR MAUDE.
WHO MARRIED FLORIDA, WHO USED TO
WORK FOR MAUDE.
AND THEN THEY GOT THEIR SERIES,
WORK FOR MAUDE.
AND THEN THEY GOT THEIR SERIES,
AND THEY GAVE BIRTH TO
AND THEN THEY GOT THEIR SERIES,
AND THEY GAVE BIRTH TO
J.J. WALKER.
AND THEY GAVE BIRTH TO
J.J. WALKER.
AND MY GREAT-GREAT UNCLE WAS
J.J. WALKER.
AND MY GREAT-GREAT UNCLE WAS
THALMUS RUSSELL LALA, WHO KNEW
AND MY GREAT-GREAT UNCLE WAS
THALMUS RUSSELL LALA, WHO KNEW
O.J. SIMPSON IN THE OLD COUNTRY,
THALMUS RUSSELL LALA, WHO KNEW
O.J. SIMPSON IN THE OLD COUNTRY,
WHO WAS A GREAT UNCLE TO
O.J. SIMPSON IN THE OLD COUNTRY,
WHO WAS A GREAT UNCLE TO
BEN VEREEN, WHO RAN AWAY FROM
WHO WAS A GREAT UNCLE TO
BEN VEREEN, WHO RAN AWAY FROM
LLOYD BRIDGES.
BEN VEREEN, WHO RAN AWAY FROM
LLOYD BRIDGES.
IT'S A CHECKERED PAST.
LLOYD BRIDGES.
IT'S A CHECKERED PAST.
IMAGINE ME BEING RELATED TO
IT'S A CHECKERED PAST.
IMAGINE ME BEING RELATED TO
J.J. WALKER.
IMAGINE ME BEING RELATED TO
J.J. WALKER.
DYN-O-MITE!
J.J. WALKER.
DYN-O-MITE!
["ROOTS" THEME PLAYS]
DYN-O-MITE!
["ROOTS" THEME PLAYS]
THEY'RE SELLING GREAT-GREAT
["ROOTS" THEME PLAYS]
THEY'RE SELLING GREAT-GREAT
GRANDPA RIGHT NOW.
THEY'RE SELLING GREAT-GREAT
GRANDPA RIGHT NOW.
I WANT TO SEE THIS.
GRANDPA RIGHT NOW.
I WANT TO SEE THIS.
HELLO, AGAIN, EVERYBODY.
I WANT TO SEE THIS.
HELLO, AGAIN, EVERYBODY.
IT'S TRADING TIME AGAIN.
HELLO, AGAIN, EVERYBODY.
IT'S TRADING TIME AGAIN.
I'M YOUR FRIEND, LENNY DUCKMAN,
IT'S TRADING TIME AGAIN.
I'M YOUR FRIEND, LENNY DUCKMAN,
AND I HOPE I'M GOING TO HELP YOU
I'M YOUR FRIEND, LENNY DUCKMAN,
AND I HOPE I'M GOING TO HELP YOU
OUT TODAY.
AND I HOPE I'M GOING TO HELP YOU
OUT TODAY.
YOU SAY YOU NEED SOME HEAVY
OUT TODAY.
YOU SAY YOU NEED SOME HEAVY
YARD WORK DONE?
YOU SAY YOU NEED SOME HEAVY
YARD WORK DONE?
WELL, TALK TO ME.
YARD WORK DONE?
WELL, TALK TO ME.
THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE FOR.
WELL, TALK TO ME.
THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE FOR.
IF I CAN'T HELP YOU, I'LL STILL
THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE FOR.
IF I CAN'T HELP YOU, I'LL STILL
GIVE YOU THIS FREE NUTCRACKER
IF I CAN'T HELP YOU, I'LL STILL
GIVE YOU THIS FREE NUTCRACKER
JUST FOR SEEING ME FIRST.
GIVE YOU THIS FREE NUTCRACKER
JUST FOR SEEING ME FIRST.
LOOK AT THIS HANDSOME MODEL
JUST FOR SEEING ME FIRST.
LOOK AT THIS HANDSOME MODEL
RIGHT HERE.
LOOK AT THIS HANDSOME MODEL
RIGHT HERE.
IT'S 25-YEAR-OLD BUBOOZOO...
RIGHT HERE.
IT'S 25-YEAR-OLD BUBOOZOO...
GREAT TEETH, GREAT SPIRIT.
IT'S 25-YEAR-OLD BUBOOZOO...
GREAT TEETH, GREAT SPIRIT.
WAS $800, NOW ONLY $599.
GREAT TEETH, GREAT SPIRIT.
WAS $800, NOW ONLY $599.
A 22-YEAR-OLD WARRIOR NOW ONLY
WAS $800, NOW ONLY $599.
A 22-YEAR-OLD WARRIOR NOW ONLY
$499.
A 22-YEAR-OLD WARRIOR NOW ONLY
$499.
AND OUR PRIZE MODEL TODAY, AN
$499.
AND OUR PRIZE MODEL TODAY, AN
18-YEAR-OLD FULLY EQUIPPED
AND OUR PRIZE MODEL TODAY, AN
18-YEAR-OLD FULLY EQUIPPED
MANDINKO WARRIOR... ONLY $599.
18-YEAR-OLD FULLY EQUIPPED
MANDINKO WARRIOR... ONLY $599.
THROW AWAY THE STICKER PRICE.
MANDINKO WARRIOR... ONLY $599.
THROW AWAY THE STICKER PRICE.
MAKE ME AN OFFER.
THROW AWAY THE STICKER PRICE.
MAKE ME AN OFFER.
WELL, JUST HOW EQUIPPED IS
MAKE ME AN OFFER.
WELL, JUST HOW EQUIPPED IS
THIS WELL-EQUIPPED ONE?
WELL, JUST HOW EQUIPPED IS
THIS WELL-EQUIPPED ONE?
SEE, I'M LOOKING FOR SOMETHING
THIS WELL-EQUIPPED ONE?
SEE, I'M LOOKING FOR SOMETHING
FOR MY SUMMER HOME.
SEE, I'M LOOKING FOR SOMETHING
FOR MY SUMMER HOME.
I ENTERTAIN A LOT.
FOR MY SUMMER HOME.
I ENTERTAIN A LOT.
HEY, BROWN SUGAR, YOU WANT TO
I ENTERTAIN A LOT.
HEY, BROWN SUGAR, YOU WANT TO
SEE WHERE THE HORSE BIT ME?
HEY, BROWN SUGAR, YOU WANT TO
SEE WHERE THE HORSE BIT ME?
OOH, CAREFUL THERE, MA'AM.
SEE WHERE THE HORSE BIT ME?
OOH, CAREFUL THERE, MA'AM.
HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!
OOH, CAREFUL THERE, MA'AM.
HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!
NICE TO HANDLE, NICE TO HOLD,
HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!
NICE TO HANDLE, NICE TO HOLD,
BUT IF YOU SCRATCH HIM, MARK
NICE TO HANDLE, NICE TO HOLD,
BUT IF YOU SCRATCH HIM, MARK
HIM SOLD!
BUT IF YOU SCRATCH HIM, MARK
HIM SOLD!
I JUST LOVE HIM.
HIM SOLD!
I JUST LOVE HIM.
IN FACT, THEY'RE ALL WONDERFUL.
I JUST LOVE HIM.
IN FACT, THEY'RE ALL WONDERFUL.
I'LL TAKE THEM ALL.
IN FACT, THEY'RE ALL WONDERFUL.
I'LL TAKE THEM ALL.
WELL, ALL RIGHT!
I'LL TAKE THEM ALL.
WELL, ALL RIGHT!
YOU GOT YOURSELF A DEAL, LITTLE
WELL, ALL RIGHT!
YOU GOT YOURSELF A DEAL, LITTLE
LADY.
YOU GOT YOURSELF A DEAL, LITTLE
LADY.
[CHUCKLES]
LADY.
[CHUCKLES]
THAT'S AS MUCH AS I WROTE.
[CHUCKLES]
THAT'S AS MUCH AS I WROTE.
IT WAS A RUSH JOB, REMEMBER?
THAT'S AS MUCH AS I WROTE.
IT WAS A RUSH JOB, REMEMBER?
I TOLD YOU.
IT WAS A RUSH JOB, REMEMBER?
I TOLD YOU.
BUT IF YOU WANT TO SEE MORE,
I TOLD YOU.
BUT IF YOU WANT TO SEE MORE,
TUNE IN TO "ROOTS III."
BUT IF YOU WANT TO SEE MORE,
TUNE IN TO "ROOTS III."
I'M TRACING MY MOTHER'S SIDE OF
TUNE IN TO "ROOTS III."
I'M TRACING MY MOTHER'S SIDE OF
THE FAMILY.
I'M TRACING MY MOTHER'S SIDE OF
THE FAMILY.
IT STARTS TUESDAY ON CBS.
THE FAMILY.
IT STARTS TUESDAY ON CBS.
["ROOTS" THEME PLAYS]
Announcer: ONCE AGAIN, THE
KINKS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
KINKS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[INTRODUCTION TO "SLEEPWALKER"
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[INTRODUCTION TO "SLEEPWALKER"
PLAYS]
♪ WELL, EVERYBODY'S GOT
PROBLEMS, BUDDY ♪
♪ I GOT MINE ♪
PROBLEMS, BUDDY ♪
♪ I GOT MINE ♪
♪ BUT WHEN MIDNIGHT COMES
♪ I GOT MINE ♪
♪ BUT WHEN MIDNIGHT COMES
AROUND,
♪ BUT WHEN MIDNIGHT COMES
AROUND,
I START TO LOSE MY MIND ♪
AROUND,
I START TO LOSE MY MIND ♪
♪ WHEN THE SUN
I START TO LOSE MY MIND ♪
♪ WHEN THE SUN
PUTS OUT THE LIGHT,
♪ WHEN THE SUN
PUTS OUT THE LIGHT,
I JOIN THE CREATURES
PUTS OUT THE LIGHT,
I JOIN THE CREATURES
OF THE NIGHT ♪
I JOIN THE CREATURES
OF THE NIGHT ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
OF THE NIGHT ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ I'M A SLEEPWALKER ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ I'M A SLEEPWALKER ♪
♪ I'M A NIGHT STALKER ♪
♪ I'M A SLEEPWALKER ♪
♪ I'M A NIGHT STALKER ♪
♪ I'M A SLEEPWALKER ♪
♪ I'M A NIGHT STALKER ♪
♪ I'M A SLEEPWALKER ♪
♪ I'M A NIGHT HAWKER ♪
♪ I'M A SLEEPWALKER ♪
♪ I'M A NIGHT HAWKER ♪
♪ EVERYBODY GOT SECRETS
♪ I'M A NIGHT HAWKER ♪
♪ EVERYBODY GOT SECRETS
THAT THEY WANNA HIDE ♪
♪ EVERYBODY GOT SECRETS
THAT THEY WANNA HIDE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE WHEN MIDNIGHT COMES
THAT THEY WANNA HIDE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE WHEN MIDNIGHT COMES
AROUND, I TAKE A LOOK INSIDE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE WHEN MIDNIGHT COMES
AROUND, I TAKE A LOOK INSIDE ♪
♪ SO DON'T GO TALKIN'
AROUND, I TAKE A LOOK INSIDE ♪
♪ SO DON'T GO TALKIN'
IN YOUR SLEEP ♪
♪ SO DON'T GO TALKIN'
IN YOUR SLEEP ♪
♪ I MIGHT COME IN FOR A PEEK ♪
IN YOUR SLEEP ♪
♪ I MIGHT COME IN FOR A PEEK ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ I MIGHT COME IN FOR A PEEK ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ I'M A SLEEPWALKER ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ I'M A SLEEPWALKER ♪
♪ I'M A NIGHT STALKER ♪
♪ I'M A SLEEPWALKER ♪
♪ I'M A NIGHT STALKER ♪
♪ I'M A SLEEPWALKER ♪
♪ I'M A NIGHT STALKER ♪
♪ I'M A SLEEPWALKER ♪
♪ I'M A NIGHT HAWKER ♪
♪ WELL, WHEN EVERYBODY'S
FAST ASLEEP, I WALK MY BEAT ♪
♪ THROUGH THE SHADOWS AND THE
FAST ASLEEP, I WALK MY BEAT ♪
♪ THROUGH THE SHADOWS AND THE
MOONLIGHT, I START TO CREEP ♪
♪ THROUGH THE SHADOWS AND THE
MOONLIGHT, I START TO CREEP ♪
♪ SO BETTER CLOSE YOUR WINDOW
MOONLIGHT, I START TO CREEP ♪
♪ SO BETTER CLOSE YOUR WINDOW
TIGHT ♪
♪ SO BETTER CLOSE YOUR WINDOW
TIGHT ♪
♪ I MIGHT COME IN FOR A BITE ♪
TIGHT ♪
♪ I MIGHT COME IN FOR A BITE ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ I MIGHT COME IN FOR A BITE ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ WHEN THE NIGHTTIME COMES,
I START TO CREEP ♪
♪ I PROWL AROUND
I START TO CREEP ♪
♪ I PROWL AROUND
WHEN YOU'RE FAST ASLEEP ♪
♪ I PROWL AROUND
WHEN YOU'RE FAST ASLEEP ♪
♪ I WALK AROUND
WHEN YOU'RE FAST ASLEEP ♪
♪ I WALK AROUND
ON MY TIPPY TOES,
♪ I WALK AROUND
ON MY TIPPY TOES,
AND I GET INTO PLACES
ON MY TIPPY TOES,
AND I GET INTO PLACES
THAT NOBODY KNOWS ♪
AND I GET INTO PLACES
THAT NOBODY KNOWS ♪
♪ I'M ALWAYS AROUND
THAT NOBODY KNOWS ♪
♪ I'M ALWAYS AROUND
IF YOU WANNA MEET ♪
♪ I'M ALWAYS AROUND
IF YOU WANNA MEET ♪
♪ YOU CAN FIND ME
IF YOU WANNA MEET ♪
♪ YOU CAN FIND ME
ON ALMOST EVERY STREET ♪
♪ YOU CAN FIND ME
ON ALMOST EVERY STREET ♪
♪ I'LL EVEN CALL YOU
ON ALMOST EVERY STREET ♪
♪ I'LL EVEN CALL YOU
ON THE TELEPHONE ♪
♪ I'LL EVEN CALL YOU
ON THE TELEPHONE ♪
♪ I'LL EVEN COME TO YOUR HOME
ON THE TELEPHONE ♪
♪ I'LL EVEN COME TO YOUR HOME
IF YOU'RE EVER ALONE ♪
♪ I'M A SLEEPWALKER ♪
♪ I'M A NIGHT STALKER ♪
♪ I'M A SLEEPWALKER ♪
♪ I'M A NIGHT STALKER ♪
♪ I'M A SLEEPWALKER ♪
♪ NIGHT STALKER ♪
♪ I'M A SLEEPWALKER ♪
♪ NIGHT STALKER ♪
♪ SLEEPWALKER ♪
♪ NIGHT STALKER ♪
♪ SLEEPWALKER ♪
♪ NIGHT HAWKER ♪
♪ SLEEPWALKER ♪
♪ NIGHT HAWKER ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ NIGHT HAWKER ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
SO, ANYHOW, THE FIRST TIME I
EVER CAME TO ONE OF THESE
SINGLES BARS, I FELL DOWN THE
EVER CAME TO ONE OF THESE
SINGLES BARS, I FELL DOWN THE
STAIRS AND CRASHED INTO THE
SINGLES BARS, I FELL DOWN THE
STAIRS AND CRASHED INTO THE
CIGARETTE MACHINE.
STAIRS AND CRASHED INTO THE
CIGARETTE MACHINE.
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED TO ME,
CIGARETTE MACHINE.
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED TO ME,
TOO.
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED TO ME,
TOO.
YOU'RE KIDDING ME.
TOO.
YOU'RE KIDDING ME.
NO!
YOU'RE KIDDING ME.
NO!
WELL, I'LL BE HONEST WITH
NO!
WELL, I'LL BE HONEST WITH
YOU.
WELL, I'LL BE HONEST WITH
YOU.
WHEN I FIRST SAW YOU, I KIND OF
YOU.
WHEN I FIRST SAW YOU, I KIND OF
FIGURED THAT THAT HAPPENED TO
WHEN I FIRST SAW YOU, I KIND OF
FIGURED THAT THAT HAPPENED TO
YOU, TOO.
FIGURED THAT THAT HAPPENED TO
YOU, TOO.
REALLY?
YOU, TOO.
REALLY?
YEAH, JUST BY LOOKING AT YOU.
REALLY?
YEAH, JUST BY LOOKING AT YOU.
I'LL BET YOU PLAY
YEAH, JUST BY LOOKING AT YOU.
I'LL BET YOU PLAY
"OLD McDONALD" ON PUSH-BUTTON
I'LL BET YOU PLAY
"OLD McDONALD" ON PUSH-BUTTON
PHONES, TOO, RIGHT?
"OLD McDONALD" ON PUSH-BUTTON
PHONES, TOO, RIGHT?
RIGHT.
PHONES, TOO, RIGHT?
RIGHT.
YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY.
RIGHT.
YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY.
WE'VE ONLY BEEN TOGETHER HERE,
YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY.
WE'VE ONLY BEEN TOGETHER HERE,
LIKE, TEN MINUTES, AND ALREADY
WE'VE ONLY BEEN TOGETHER HERE,
LIKE, TEN MINUTES, AND ALREADY
WE HAVE A LOT IN COMMON.
LIKE, TEN MINUTES, AND ALREADY
WE HAVE A LOT IN COMMON.
I KNOW.
WE HAVE A LOT IN COMMON.
I KNOW.
IT'S REALLY AMAZING.
I KNOW.
IT'S REALLY AMAZING.
I MEAN, LIKE, WHAT DO YOU DO FOR
IT'S REALLY AMAZING.
I MEAN, LIKE, WHAT DO YOU DO FOR
A LIVING?
I MEAN, LIKE, WHAT DO YOU DO FOR
A LIVING?
OH, I CALIBRATE THE PRESSURE
A LIVING?
OH, I CALIBRATE THE PRESSURE
RATIOS FOR HYDRAULIC VALVE
OH, I CALIBRATE THE PRESSURE
RATIOS FOR HYDRAULIC VALVE
SYSTEMS.
RATIOS FOR HYDRAULIC VALVE
SYSTEMS.
SO DO I!
SYSTEMS.
SO DO I!
OH!
SO DO I!
OH!
WHAT DID YOU DO BEFORE THAT?
OH!
WHAT DID YOU DO BEFORE THAT?
WELL, I FOLDED THE LITTLE,
WHAT DID YOU DO BEFORE THAT?
WELL, I FOLDED THE LITTLE,
CLEAR, PLASTIC INDEX TABS THAT
WELL, I FOLDED THE LITTLE,
CLEAR, PLASTIC INDEX TABS THAT
SEPARATE THE SECTIONS IN
CLEAR, PLASTIC INDEX TABS THAT
SEPARATE THE SECTIONS IN
NOTEBOOKS.
SEPARATE THE SECTIONS IN
NOTEBOOKS.
I DID, TOO!
NOTEBOOKS.
I DID, TOO!
OH, NO!
I DID, TOO!
OH, NO!
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!
OH, NO!
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!
Both: THIS IS INCREDIBLE!
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!
Both: THIS IS INCREDIBLE!
HEY, LISTEN.
Both: THIS IS INCREDIBLE!
HEY, LISTEN.
WHAT DOES YOUR TONGUE TASTE LIKE
HEY, LISTEN.
WHAT DOES YOUR TONGUE TASTE LIKE
TO YOU?
WHAT DOES YOUR TONGUE TASTE LIKE
TO YOU?
UM... NOTHING.
TO YOU?
UM... NOTHING.
IT HAS NO FLAVOR.
UM... NOTHING.
IT HAS NO FLAVOR.
REALLY?!
IT HAS NO FLAVOR.
REALLY?!
NEITHER DOES MINE!
REALLY?!
NEITHER DOES MINE!
OH!
NEITHER DOES MINE!
OH!
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE LOUD NOISE?
OH!
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE LOUD NOISE?
OH, I-I DON'T KNOW.
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE LOUD NOISE?
OH, I-I DON'T KNOW.
I LIKE ALL OF THEM.
OH, I-I DON'T KNOW.
I LIKE ALL OF THEM.
AH, YOU MUST HAVE A SPECIAL
I LIKE ALL OF THEM.
AH, YOU MUST HAVE A SPECIAL
FAVORITE.
AH, YOU MUST HAVE A SPECIAL
FAVORITE.
NO, I DON'T HAVE A FAVORITE.
FAVORITE.
NO, I DON'T HAVE A FAVORITE.
I LIKE THEM ALL EQUALLY...
NO, I DON'T HAVE A FAVORITE.
I LIKE THEM ALL EQUALLY...
WELL...
I LIKE THEM ALL EQUALLY...
WELL...
WHAT ABOUT WHEN YOU TURN ON
WELL...
WHAT ABOUT WHEN YOU TURN ON
THE BATHTUB WATER, AND IT
WHAT ABOUT WHEN YOU TURN ON
THE BATHTUB WATER, AND IT
DOESN'T COME OUT RIGHT AWAY, AND
THE BATHTUB WATER, AND IT
DOESN'T COME OUT RIGHT AWAY, AND
THEN SUDDENLY IT JUST ALL COMES
DOESN'T COME OUT RIGHT AWAY, AND
THEN SUDDENLY IT JUST ALL COMES
OUT?
THEN SUDDENLY IT JUST ALL COMES
OUT?
I LOVE THAT!
OUT?
I LOVE THAT!
OH, WHAT ABOUT WHEN IT'S SUMMER,
I LOVE THAT!
OH, WHAT ABOUT WHEN IT'S SUMMER,
AND YOU'RE SITTING ON A LEATHER
OH, WHAT ABOUT WHEN IT'S SUMMER,
AND YOU'RE SITTING ON A LEATHER
SOFA, AND YOU'RE WEARING SHORTS
AND YOU'RE SITTING ON A LEATHER
SOFA, AND YOU'RE WEARING SHORTS
AND YOU'RE SWEATING, AND YOU
SOFA, AND YOU'RE WEARING SHORTS
AND YOU'RE SWEATING, AND YOU
HAVE TO STAND UP REAL QUICKLY?
AND YOU'RE SWEATING, AND YOU
HAVE TO STAND UP REAL QUICKLY?
THAT'S MY FAVORITE PAIN!
HAVE TO STAND UP REAL QUICKLY?
THAT'S MY FAVORITE PAIN!
YOU SAID MY EXACT FAVORITE!
THAT'S MY FAVORITE PAIN!
YOU SAID MY EXACT FAVORITE!
THAT'S MY FAVORITE!
YOU SAID MY EXACT FAVORITE!
THAT'S MY FAVORITE!
LISTEN.
THAT'S MY FAVORITE!
LISTEN.
DON'T YOU JUST HATE IT WHEN
LISTEN.
DON'T YOU JUST HATE IT WHEN
YOU'RE SITTING IN YOUR ROOM, AND
DON'T YOU JUST HATE IT WHEN
YOU'RE SITTING IN YOUR ROOM, AND
YOU HEAR SCREAMS AND SHOUTS
YOU'RE SITTING IN YOUR ROOM, AND
YOU HEAR SCREAMS AND SHOUTS
OUTSIDE, 'CAUSE SOMEONE GOT HIT
YOU HEAR SCREAMS AND SHOUTS
OUTSIDE, 'CAUSE SOMEONE GOT HIT
BY A TRUCK?
OUTSIDE, 'CAUSE SOMEONE GOT HIT
BY A TRUCK?
YEAH! YEAH!
BY A TRUCK?
YEAH! YEAH!
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE LAND MASS?
YEAH! YEAH!
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE LAND MASS?
THE DALMATIAN ISLANDS, JUST
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE LAND MASS?
THE DALMATIAN ISLANDS, JUST
OFF THE COAST OF YUGOSLAVIA.
THE DALMATIAN ISLANDS, JUST
OFF THE COAST OF YUGOSLAVIA.
THE SOUTHERN ONE?
OFF THE COAST OF YUGOSLAVIA.
THE SOUTHERN ONE?
A LITTLE FURTHER INLAND?
THE SOUTHERN ONE?
A LITTLE FURTHER INLAND?
Both: JUST ABOVE THE 30th
A LITTLE FURTHER INLAND?
Both: JUST ABOVE THE 30th
PARALLEL!
Both: JUST ABOVE THE 30th
PARALLEL!
I LIKE YOUR NOSE.
PARALLEL!
I LIKE YOUR NOSE.
AH.
I LIKE YOUR NOSE.
AH.
YOU'RE SO HEALTHY-LOOKING.
AH.
YOU'RE SO HEALTHY-LOOKING.
YOU'RE REAL NATURAL.
YOU'RE SO HEALTHY-LOOKING.
YOU'RE REAL NATURAL.
WELL, I TRY TO EAT RIGHT, AND
YOU'RE REAL NATURAL.
WELL, I TRY TO EAT RIGHT, AND
I EXERCISE.
WELL, I TRY TO EAT RIGHT, AND
I EXERCISE.
AND I NEVER OPEN A SAFETY PIN
I EXERCISE.
AND I NEVER OPEN A SAFETY PIN
AND PUNCH IT INTO MY FACE ALL
AND I NEVER OPEN A SAFETY PIN
AND PUNCH IT INTO MY FACE ALL
OVER.
AND PUNCH IT INTO MY FACE ALL
OVER.
THAT'S GOOD, REAL GOOD.
OVER.
THAT'S GOOD, REAL GOOD.
LOOK, UH, DON'T YOU JUST HATE
THAT'S GOOD, REAL GOOD.
LOOK, UH, DON'T YOU JUST HATE
IT WHEN SOMEBODY DIES IN THE
LOOK, UH, DON'T YOU JUST HATE
IT WHEN SOMEBODY DIES IN THE
APARTMENT NEXT DOOR TO YOURS,
IT WHEN SOMEBODY DIES IN THE
APARTMENT NEXT DOOR TO YOURS,
AND THEY DON'T FIND THEM FOR A
APARTMENT NEXT DOOR TO YOURS,
AND THEY DON'T FIND THEM FOR A
COUPLE OF WEEKS, AND WHEN THEY
AND THEY DON'T FIND THEM FOR A
COUPLE OF WEEKS, AND WHEN THEY
DO, THEIR PET PARROT ATE HALF OF
COUPLE OF WEEKS, AND WHEN THEY
DO, THEIR PET PARROT ATE HALF OF
THEM?
DO, THEIR PET PARROT ATE HALF OF
THEM?
YES.
THEM?
YES.
HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT I'D LIKE TO
YES.
HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT I'D LIKE TO
DO RIGHT NOW?
HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT I'D LIKE TO
DO RIGHT NOW?
WHAT?
DO RIGHT NOW?
WHAT?
HAVE YOU SEEN "A STAR IS
WHAT?
HAVE YOU SEEN "A STAR IS
BORN"?
HAVE YOU SEEN "A STAR IS
BORN"?
YES!
BORN"?
YES!
WELL, LET'S GO STAND IN LINE,
YES!
WELL, LET'S GO STAND IN LINE,
AND WHEN IT GETS TO BE OUR TURN,
WELL, LET'S GO STAND IN LINE,
AND WHEN IT GETS TO BE OUR TURN,
WE'LL GO BACK AND GET AT THE END
AND WHEN IT GETS TO BE OUR TURN,
WE'LL GO BACK AND GET AT THE END
OF THE LINE AGAIN!
WE'LL GO BACK AND GET AT THE END
OF THE LINE AGAIN!
OH, I'D LOVE THAT!
OF THE LINE AGAIN!
OH, I'D LOVE THAT!
LET'S GO!
OH, I'D LOVE THAT!
LET'S GO!
YOU LIKE TO HOP?!
LET'S GO!
YOU LIKE TO HOP?!
OH, EVERYWHERE!
YOU LIKE TO HOP?!
OH, EVERYWHERE!
OH!
[BAND PLAYS]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WANT TO THANK MY SPECIAL
GUEST, LILY TOMLIN.
THANK YOU.
GUEST, LILY TOMLIN.
THANK YOU.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AND THE KINKS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AND THE KINKS.
SEE YOU IN MINNEAPOLIS TOMORROW
AND THE KINKS.
SEE YOU IN MINNEAPOLIS TOMORROW
NIGHT!
SEE YOU IN MINNEAPOLIS TOMORROW
NIGHT!
NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME
NIGHT!
NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME
PLAYERS.
Announcer: NEXT WEEK, WATCH
NBC's "WEEKEND" WITH
LLOYD DOBBINS.
"SATURDAY NIGHT" WILL RETURN IN
TWO WEEKS ON MARCH 12th, WHEN
OUR HOST WILL BE SISSY SPACEK,
WITH MUSICAL GUEST
RICHARD BASKIN.
YOUR ANNOUNCER HAS BEEN
DONALD PARDO.
[SINGING TO "MICKEY MOUSE" CLUB
[TUNE]
♪ D-O-N-A-L-D P-A-R-D-O ♪
GOOD NIGHT!