Saturday Night Live (1975–…): Season 2, Episode 11 - Ralph Nader/George Benson - full transcript

DANNY, DANNY, HE'S LATE!
RALPH NADER IS NEVER LATE.
HE SAID HE'D BE HERE AT 11:32.

RALPH NADER IS NEVER LATE.
HE SAID HE'D BE HERE AT 11:32.
HE'LL BE HERE AT 11:32.

HE SAID HE'D BE HERE AT 11:32.
HE'LL BE HERE AT 11:32.
WELL, I HOPE HE CAN DO THE

HE'LL BE HERE AT 11:32.
WELL, I HOPE HE CAN DO THE
SHOW WITHOUT ANY REHEARSAL.

WELL, I HOPE HE CAN DO THE
SHOW WITHOUT ANY REHEARSAL.
IT'S HARD ENOUGH FOR A

SHOW WITHOUT ANY REHEARSAL.
IT'S HARD ENOUGH FOR A
PROFESSIONAL COMEDIAN TO COME

IT'S HARD ENOUGH FOR A
PROFESSIONAL COMEDIAN TO COME
HERE AND DO THE SHOW.

PROFESSIONAL COMEDIAN TO COME
HERE AND DO THE SHOW.
WHAT ABOUT A CONSUMER ADVOCATE?

HERE AND DO THE SHOW.
WHAT ABOUT A CONSUMER ADVOCATE?
LOOK, HE'S THE BUSIEST MAN IN

WHAT ABOUT A CONSUMER ADVOCATE?
LOOK, HE'S THE BUSIEST MAN IN
THE WORLD.

LOOK, HE'S THE BUSIEST MAN IN
THE WORLD.
IT DOESN'T MATTER.



THE WORLD.
IT DOESN'T MATTER.
HE'S RALPH NADER, AND IT'S JUST

IT DOESN'T MATTER.
HE'S RALPH NADER, AND IT'S JUST
SUCH A COUP GETTING HIM ON THE

HE'S RALPH NADER, AND IT'S JUST
SUCH A COUP GETTING HIM ON THE
SHOW.

SUCH A COUP GETTING HIM ON THE
SHOW.
IT'S GREAT!

SHOW.
IT'S GREAT!
BUT DON'T YOU THINK HE'S TOO

IT'S GREAT!
BUT DON'T YOU THINK HE'S TOO
STRAIGHT?

BUT DON'T YOU THINK HE'S TOO
STRAIGHT?
HE'S KIND OF SERIOUS FOR OUR

STRAIGHT?
HE'S KIND OF SERIOUS FOR OUR
SHOW.

HE'S KIND OF SERIOUS FOR OUR
SHOW.
LORNE WAS TALKING TO HIM ALL

SHOW.
LORNE WAS TALKING TO HIM ALL
WEEK, AND, HE SAID, TOLD LORNE,

LORNE WAS TALKING TO HIM ALL
WEEK, AND, HE SAID, TOLD LORNE,
HE SAID, "DON'T WORRY.

WEEK, AND, HE SAID, TOLD LORNE,
HE SAID, "DON'T WORRY.
I'M GONNA RELAX AND HAVE FUN

HE SAID, "DON'T WORRY.
I'M GONNA RELAX AND HAVE FUN
WITH IT."

I'M GONNA RELAX AND HAVE FUN
WITH IT."
I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT IT.



WITH IT."
I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
OKAY, WELL, LOOK, IT'S 11:32

I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
OKAY, WELL, LOOK, IT'S 11:32
NOW.

OKAY, WELL, LOOK, IT'S 11:32
NOW.
HE'LL BE HERE.

NOW.
HE'LL BE HERE.
OH, DANNY, DANNY.

HE'LL BE HERE.
OH, DANNY, DANNY.
MR. NADER.

OH, DANNY, DANNY.
MR. NADER.
HI, I'M DAN AYKROYD.

MR. NADER.
HI, I'M DAN AYKROYD.
THIS IS GILDA RADNER.

HI, I'M DAN AYKROYD.
THIS IS GILDA RADNER.
I'M GILDA RADNER.

THIS IS GILDA RADNER.
I'M GILDA RADNER.
DANNY, GILDA, PLEASE!

I'M GILDA RADNER.
DANNY, GILDA, PLEASE!
CALL ME RALPH, RALPHIE, OR

DANNY, GILDA, PLEASE!
CALL ME RALPH, RALPHIE, OR
ANYTHING YOU WANT!

CALL ME RALPH, RALPHIE, OR
ANYTHING YOU WANT!
GREAT.

ANYTHING YOU WANT!
GREAT.
OH, WELL, RALPHIE, COME ON.

GREAT.
OH, WELL, RALPHIE, COME ON.
WE GOT TO GO TO MAKEUP.

OH, WELL, RALPHIE, COME ON.
WE GOT TO GO TO MAKEUP.
WE GOT TO HURRY A LITTLE BIT.

WE GOT TO GO TO MAKEUP.
WE GOT TO HURRY A LITTLE BIT.
TERRIFIC!

WE GOT TO HURRY A LITTLE BIT.
TERRIFIC!
YOU'RE REALLY WELL TURNED

TERRIFIC!
YOU'RE REALLY WELL TURNED
OUT.

YOU'RE REALLY WELL TURNED
OUT.
I LIKE THAT SUIT.

OUT.
I LIKE THAT SUIT.
THAT'S VERY INTERESTING.

I LIKE THAT SUIT.
THAT'S VERY INTERESTING.
YOU LIKE IT?

THAT'S VERY INTERESTING.
YOU LIKE IT?
YOU LIKE IT?

YOU LIKE IT?
YOU LIKE IT?
YOU KNOW, I JUST THOUGHT TO

YOU LIKE IT?
YOU KNOW, I JUST THOUGHT TO
MYSELF, WHAT THE HECK?

YOU KNOW, I JUST THOUGHT TO
MYSELF, WHAT THE HECK?
THIS IS MY FIRST EXPERIENCE IN

MYSELF, WHAT THE HECK?
THIS IS MY FIRST EXPERIENCE IN
SHOW BUSINESS, AND I'M JUST

THIS IS MY FIRST EXPERIENCE IN
SHOW BUSINESS, AND I'M JUST
GONNA CUT LOOSE!

SHOW BUSINESS, AND I'M JUST
GONNA CUT LOOSE!
OH, GREAT.

GONNA CUT LOOSE!
OH, GREAT.
WELL, MAKEUP IS IN HERE, AND

OH, GREAT.
WELL, MAKEUP IS IN HERE, AND
EVERYONE IS REALLY EXCITED.

WELL, MAKEUP IS IN HERE, AND
EVERYONE IS REALLY EXCITED.
IT'S OUR FIRST SHOW AFTER

EVERYONE IS REALLY EXCITED.
IT'S OUR FIRST SHOW AFTER
VACATION.

IT'S OUR FIRST SHOW AFTER
VACATION.
COME ON.

VACATION.
COME ON.
HERE'S RALPH, EVERYBODY!

COME ON.
HERE'S RALPH, EVERYBODY!
HOW ARE YOU?

HERE'S RALPH, EVERYBODY!
HOW ARE YOU?
HEY, RALPH, HOW YOU DOING?

HOW ARE YOU?
HEY, RALPH, HOW YOU DOING?
OH, SIT, SIT.

HEY, RALPH, HOW YOU DOING?
OH, SIT, SIT.
YOU KNOW, MR. NADER, WE ALL

OH, SIT, SIT.
YOU KNOW, MR. NADER, WE ALL
ADMIRE YOUR WORK SO MUCH, AND

YOU KNOW, MR. NADER, WE ALL
ADMIRE YOUR WORK SO MUCH, AND
IT'S AN HONOR TO HAVE YOU ON THE

ADMIRE YOUR WORK SO MUCH, AND
IT'S AN HONOR TO HAVE YOU ON THE
SHOW.

IT'S AN HONOR TO HAVE YOU ON THE
SHOW.
THANK YOU, JANE, BUT, PLEASE,

SHOW.
THANK YOU, JANE, BUT, PLEASE,
EVERYBODY... LIKE I WAS SAYING

THANK YOU, JANE, BUT, PLEASE,
EVERYBODY... LIKE I WAS SAYING
TO DANNY AND GILDA... PLEASE

EVERYBODY... LIKE I WAS SAYING
TO DANNY AND GILDA... PLEASE
CALL ME RALPH OR RALPHIE!

TO DANNY AND GILDA... PLEASE
CALL ME RALPH OR RALPHIE!
I'M HERE TO HAVE FUN TONIGHT!

CALL ME RALPH OR RALPHIE!
I'M HERE TO HAVE FUN TONIGHT!
TONIGHT THERE WILL BE NO MORE OF

I'M HERE TO HAVE FUN TONIGHT!
TONIGHT THERE WILL BE NO MORE OF
THIS DEFECTS AND ABUSES THAT

TONIGHT THERE WILL BE NO MORE OF
THIS DEFECTS AND ABUSES THAT
I'VE MANAGED TO FIND 24 HOURS A

THIS DEFECTS AND ABUSES THAT
I'VE MANAGED TO FIND 24 HOURS A
DAY.

I'VE MANAGED TO FIND 24 HOURS A
DAY.
TONIGHT, FOR 90 MINUTES, I'M

DAY.
TONIGHT, FOR 90 MINUTES, I'M
RALPH NADER... MR. GOOD TIME!

TONIGHT, FOR 90 MINUTES, I'M
RALPH NADER... MR. GOOD TIME!
[ALL CHEER]

RALPH NADER... MR. GOOD TIME!
[ALL CHEER]
THERE YOU GO, MR. GOOD TIME.

[ALL CHEER]
THERE YOU GO, MR. GOOD TIME.
OKAY.

THERE YOU GO, MR. GOOD TIME.
OKAY.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE FUN.

OKAY.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE FUN.
WAIT A MINUTE.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE FUN.
WAIT A MINUTE.
IS THAT EYE CHIEF MAKEUP?

WAIT A MINUTE.
IS THAT EYE CHIEF MAKEUP?
YES, IT IS.

IS THAT EYE CHIEF MAKEUP?
YES, IT IS.
EYE CHIEF MAKEUP CONTAINS RED

YES, IT IS.
EYE CHIEF MAKEUP CONTAINS RED
DYE NUMBER 2.

EYE CHIEF MAKEUP CONTAINS RED
DYE NUMBER 2.
THIS MAKE-UP HAS A POSSIBILITY

DYE NUMBER 2.
THIS MAKE-UP HAS A POSSIBILITY
OF CAUSING SKIN CANCER.

THIS MAKE-UP HAS A POSSIBILITY
OF CAUSING SKIN CANCER.
WE'LL STOP USING IT

OF CAUSING SKIN CANCER.
WE'LL STOP USING IT
IMMEDIATELY.

WE'LL STOP USING IT
IMMEDIATELY.
ABSOLUTELY.

IMMEDIATELY.
ABSOLUTELY.
GOODNESS.

ABSOLUTELY.
GOODNESS.
THAT'S THE TRAGEDY WITH

GOODNESS.
THAT'S THE TRAGEDY WITH
CARCINOGENS.

THAT'S THE TRAGEDY WITH
CARCINOGENS.
IT MAY BE ALREADY TOO LATE.

CARCINOGENS.
IT MAY BE ALREADY TOO LATE.
LET ME TAKE YOU TO THE

IT MAY BE ALREADY TOO LATE.
LET ME TAKE YOU TO THE
WARDROBE ROOM SO YOU CAN PUT ON

LET ME TAKE YOU TO THE
WARDROBE ROOM SO YOU CAN PUT ON
YOUR COSTUME, MAN.

WARDROBE ROOM SO YOU CAN PUT ON
YOUR COSTUME, MAN.
COSTUMES?

YOUR COSTUME, MAN.
COSTUMES?
YOU MEAN I WEAR COSTUMES?

COSTUMES?
YOU MEAN I WEAR COSTUMES?
OH, THIS IS GONNA BE FUN!

YOU MEAN I WEAR COSTUMES?
OH, THIS IS GONNA BE FUN!
YEAH, MAN.

OH, THIS IS GONNA BE FUN!
YEAH, MAN.
RIGHT THIS WAY, MAN.

YEAH, MAN.
RIGHT THIS WAY, MAN.
WHAT'S THIS... A HOT DOG

RIGHT THIS WAY, MAN.
WHAT'S THIS... A HOT DOG
YOU'RE EATING?

WHAT'S THIS... A HOT DOG
YOU'RE EATING?
MM-HMM.

YOU'RE EATING?
MM-HMM.
A HOT DOG?

MM-HMM.
A HOT DOG?
DO YOU ENJOY EATING RAT

A HOT DOG?
DO YOU ENJOY EATING RAT
EXCREMENT AND RODENT HAIRS?

DO YOU ENJOY EATING RAT
EXCREMENT AND RODENT HAIRS?
UH, THIS HAS RAT EXCREMENT

EXCREMENT AND RODENT HAIRS?
UH, THIS HAS RAT EXCREMENT
AND RODENT HAIRS IN IT, HUH?

UH, THIS HAS RAT EXCREMENT
AND RODENT HAIRS IN IT, HUH?
THAT'S RIGHT.

AND RODENT HAIRS IN IT, HUH?
THAT'S RIGHT.
FEDERAL REGULATIONS PERMIT A

THAT'S RIGHT.
FEDERAL REGULATIONS PERMIT A
MINIMUM AMOUNT OF RAT EXCREMENT

FEDERAL REGULATIONS PERMIT A
MINIMUM AMOUNT OF RAT EXCREMENT
AND RODENT HAIRS IN HOT DOGS.

MINIMUM AMOUNT OF RAT EXCREMENT
AND RODENT HAIRS IN HOT DOGS.
WELL, I-I-I DIDN'T KNOW THAT,

AND RODENT HAIRS IN HOT DOGS.
WELL, I-I-I DIDN'T KNOW THAT,
RALPH.

WELL, I-I-I DIDN'T KNOW THAT,
RALPH.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

RALPH.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
HI!

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
HI!
LARAINE NEWMAN!

HI!
LARAINE NEWMAN!
HEY, YOU KNOW, I'M A BIG

LARAINE NEWMAN!
HEY, YOU KNOW, I'M A BIG
ADMIRER OF YOURS, I REALLY AM.

HEY, YOU KNOW, I'M A BIG
ADMIRER OF YOURS, I REALLY AM.
I JUST CAN'T HELP MYSELF.

ADMIRER OF YOURS, I REALLY AM.
I JUST CAN'T HELP MYSELF.
I'VE GOT TO HUG YOU.

I JUST CAN'T HELP MYSELF.
I'VE GOT TO HUG YOU.
NOT TOO TIGHT, NOW.

I'VE GOT TO HUG YOU.
NOT TOO TIGHT, NOW.
YOU'LL ACTIVATE MY AIR BAG!

NOT TOO TIGHT, NOW.
YOU'LL ACTIVATE MY AIR BAG!
OH, MY GOD!

YOU'LL ACTIVATE MY AIR BAG!
OH, MY GOD!
WHOOPS!

OH, MY GOD!
WHOOPS!
WELL...

WHOOPS!
WELL...
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S

WELL...
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
SATURDAY NIGHT!

LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
SATURDAY NIGHT!
[BAND PLAYS]

Announcer: NBC's
"SATURDAY NIGHT."
STARRING...

WITH HIS SPECIAL GUESTS...

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
RALPH NADER!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I... THANK YOU VERY MUCH, OF
COURSE.
I FEEL A SLIGHT LOSS OF

COURSE.
I FEEL A SLIGHT LOSS OF
INNOCENCE DOING THIS SHOW

I FEEL A SLIGHT LOSS OF
INNOCENCE DOING THIS SHOW
TONIGHT.

INNOCENCE DOING THIS SHOW
TONIGHT.
AFTER ALL, THIS TELEVISION

TONIGHT.
AFTER ALL, THIS TELEVISION
STUDIO IS IN THE RCA BUILDING IN

AFTER ALL, THIS TELEVISION
STUDIO IS IN THE RCA BUILDING IN
MIDTOWN MANHATTAN, THE HEART OF

STUDIO IS IN THE RCA BUILDING IN
MIDTOWN MANHATTAN, THE HEART OF
CORPORATE AMERICA.

MIDTOWN MANHATTAN, THE HEART OF
CORPORATE AMERICA.
I HAD MY DOUBTS ABOUT WORKING

CORPORATE AMERICA.
I HAD MY DOUBTS ABOUT WORKING
HERE, BUT I MUST SAY THAT

I HAD MY DOUBTS ABOUT WORKING
HERE, BUT I MUST SAY THAT
EVERYBODY HERE HAS BEEN VERY

HERE, BUT I MUST SAY THAT
EVERYBODY HERE HAS BEEN VERY
FRIENDLY AND HELPFUL.

EVERYBODY HERE HAS BEEN VERY
FRIENDLY AND HELPFUL.
TO BE HONEST, I DIDN'T REALLY

FRIENDLY AND HELPFUL.
TO BE HONEST, I DIDN'T REALLY
EXPECT THIS MUCH COOPERATION...

TO BE HONEST, I DIDN'T REALLY
EXPECT THIS MUCH COOPERATION...
ESPECIALLY SINCE MY RESEARCH

EXPECT THIS MUCH COOPERATION...
ESPECIALLY SINCE MY RESEARCH
GROUPS HAVE BEEN INVESTIGATING

ESPECIALLY SINCE MY RESEARCH
GROUPS HAVE BEEN INVESTIGATING
THE RCA CORPORATION, WHICH OWNS

GROUPS HAVE BEEN INVESTIGATING
THE RCA CORPORATION, WHICH OWNS
NBC, FOR A NUMBER OF CORPORATE

THE RCA CORPORATION, WHICH OWNS
NBC, FOR A NUMBER OF CORPORATE
ABUSES.

NBC, FOR A NUMBER OF CORPORATE
ABUSES.
WE'RE CONCERNED ABOUT THEIR

ABUSES.
WE'RE CONCERNED ABOUT THEIR
HAZARDOUS WORKING CONDITIONS,

WE'RE CONCERNED ABOUT THEIR
HAZARDOUS WORKING CONDITIONS,
ALLEGED PRICE FIXING, BRIBES TO

HAZARDOUS WORKING CONDITIONS,
ALLEGED PRICE FIXING, BRIBES TO
FOREIGN OFFICIALS, AND TOO MUCH

ALLEGED PRICE FIXING, BRIBES TO
FOREIGN OFFICIALS, AND TOO MUCH
TELEVISION VIOLENCE.

FOREIGN OFFICIALS, AND TOO MUCH
TELEVISION VIOLENCE.
I COULD GO ON AND ON, BUT THIS

TELEVISION VIOLENCE.
I COULD GO ON AND ON, BUT THIS
IS A NIGHT FOR ENTERTAINMENT, A

I COULD GO ON AND ON, BUT THIS
IS A NIGHT FOR ENTERTAINMENT, A
NIGHT FOR FUN!

IS A NIGHT FOR ENTERTAINMENT, A
NIGHT FOR FUN!
AND I MUST SAY, AGAIN, THAT THE

NIGHT FOR FUN!
AND I MUST SAY, AGAIN, THAT THE
PEOPLE HERE AT NBC HAVE TREATED

AND I MUST SAY, AGAIN, THAT THE
PEOPLE HERE AT NBC HAVE TREATED
ME WONDERFULLY.

PEOPLE HERE AT NBC HAVE TREATED
ME WONDERFULLY.
THEY'VE REALLY BEEN TERRIFIC,

ME WONDERFULLY.
THEY'VE REALLY BEEN TERRIFIC,
CONSIDERING THE FACT THAT WE

THEY'VE REALLY BEEN TERRIFIC,
CONSIDERING THE FACT THAT WE
JUST SUED THEM FOR $10 MILLION

CONSIDERING THE FACT THAT WE
JUST SUED THEM FOR $10 MILLION
FOR DECEPTIVE ADVERTISING.

JUST SUED THEM FOR $10 MILLION
FOR DECEPTIVE ADVERTISING.
IN ANY CASE, WE HAVE A

FOR DECEPTIVE ADVERTISING.
IN ANY CASE, WE HAVE A
CHALLENGING SHOW TONIGHT, AND

IN ANY CASE, WE HAVE A
CHALLENGING SHOW TONIGHT, AND
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS

CHALLENGING SHOW TONIGHT, AND
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS
MESSAGE.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS
MESSAGE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

YOU KNOW, WHEN MY GRANDSON
PHIL MOVED TO NEW YORK, I WAS
AFRAID IT WAS GOING TO CANCEL

PHIL MOVED TO NEW YORK, I WAS
AFRAID IT WAS GOING TO CANCEL
OUR TUESDAY-NIGHT GAME, BUT I

AFRAID IT WAS GOING TO CANCEL
OUR TUESDAY-NIGHT GAME, BUT I
WAS WRONG.

OUR TUESDAY-NIGHT GAME, BUT I
WAS WRONG.
THE PHONE COMPANY SAW TO THAT.

WAS WRONG.
THE PHONE COMPANY SAW TO THAT.
BY MAKING LONG-DISTANCE CALLS

THE PHONE COMPANY SAW TO THAT.
BY MAKING LONG-DISTANCE CALLS
AFTER 11:00, YOU CAN SPEAK

BY MAKING LONG-DISTANCE CALLS
AFTER 11:00, YOU CAN SPEAK
COAST-TO-COAST FOR JUST A FEW

AFTER 11:00, YOU CAN SPEAK
COAST-TO-COAST FOR JUST A FEW
PENNIES.

COAST-TO-COAST FOR JUST A FEW
PENNIES.
IT'S QUITE A CONVENIENCE.

PENNIES.
IT'S QUITE A CONVENIENCE.
THE CALLS ARE CHEAP, AND WE GET

IT'S QUITE A CONVENIENCE.
THE CALLS ARE CHEAP, AND WE GET
TO PLAY CHESS.

THE CALLS ARE CHEAP, AND WE GET
TO PLAY CHESS.
AH, YOU KNOW KIDS.

TO PLAY CHESS.
AH, YOU KNOW KIDS.
HE'S PROBABLY OUT PLAYING WITH

AH, YOU KNOW KIDS.
HE'S PROBABLY OUT PLAYING WITH
HIS LITTLE FRIENDS AND HAS LOST

HE'S PROBABLY OUT PLAYING WITH
HIS LITTLE FRIENDS AND HAS LOST
TRACK OF THE TIME.

HIS LITTLE FRIENDS AND HAS LOST
TRACK OF THE TIME.
HE CALLS ME GRAMPS, AND I CALL

TRACK OF THE TIME.
HE CALLS ME GRAMPS, AND I CALL
HIM SPORT.

HE CALLS ME GRAMPS, AND I CALL
HIM SPORT.
WE'RE LIKE PALS.

HIM SPORT.
WE'RE LIKE PALS.
HE SAYS THAT I'M HIS BEST

WE'RE LIKE PALS.
HE SAYS THAT I'M HIS BEST
FRIEND.

HE SAYS THAT I'M HIS BEST
FRIEND.
[CHUCKLES]

FRIEND.
[CHUCKLES]
YOU KNOW, IT'S REAL NICE OF THE

[CHUCKLES]
YOU KNOW, IT'S REAL NICE OF THE
PHONE COMPANY TO DO THIS.

YOU KNOW, IT'S REAL NICE OF THE
PHONE COMPANY TO DO THIS.
I ONLY GET TO SEE PHIL DURING

PHONE COMPANY TO DO THIS.
I ONLY GET TO SEE PHIL DURING
THE HOLIDAYS.

I ONLY GET TO SEE PHIL DURING
THE HOLIDAYS.
I BOUGHT A WATCH FOR HIM THIS

THE HOLIDAYS.
I BOUGHT A WATCH FOR HIM THIS
CHRISTMAS.

I BOUGHT A WATCH FOR HIM THIS
CHRISTMAS.
HAD ALL THOSE CONTRAPTIONS ON

CHRISTMAS.
HAD ALL THOSE CONTRAPTIONS ON
IT.

HAD ALL THOSE CONTRAPTIONS ON
IT.
HE WAS SO EXCITED, HE FORGOT TO

IT.
HE WAS SO EXCITED, HE FORGOT TO
THANK ME.

HE WAS SO EXCITED, HE FORGOT TO
THANK ME.
IT COST $800.

THANK ME.
IT COST $800.
BUT HE'S WORTH IT.

IT COST $800.
BUT HE'S WORTH IT.
I HAVE THIS HEART CONDITION.

BUT HE'S WORTH IT.
I HAVE THIS HEART CONDITION.
SOMETHING TO DO WITH FATTY

I HAVE THIS HEART CONDITION.
SOMETHING TO DO WITH FATTY
TISSUES BUILDING UP SOMEWHERE.

SOMETHING TO DO WITH FATTY
TISSUES BUILDING UP SOMEWHERE.
I SHOULD BE GETTING TO BED

TISSUES BUILDING UP SOMEWHERE.
I SHOULD BE GETTING TO BED
SOON... DOCTOR'S ORDERS... BUT

I SHOULD BE GETTING TO BED
SOON... DOCTOR'S ORDERS... BUT
NOT TILL MY PHIL CALLS.

SOON... DOCTOR'S ORDERS... BUT
NOT TILL MY PHIL CALLS.
PERSONALLY, I THINK HE'S AN

NOT TILL MY PHIL CALLS.
PERSONALLY, I THINK HE'S AN
IDIOT.

PERSONALLY, I THINK HE'S AN
IDIOT.
FOR A WHILE, WE THOUGHT THERE

IDIOT.
FOR A WHILE, WE THOUGHT THERE
WAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM,

FOR A WHILE, WE THOUGHT THERE
WAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM,
BUT THE DOCTOR SAID HE WOULD BE

WAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM,
BUT THE DOCTOR SAID HE WOULD BE
OKAY IF WE LEFT HIM TO PROGRESS

BUT THE DOCTOR SAID HE WOULD BE
OKAY IF WE LEFT HIM TO PROGRESS
AT HIS OWN SPEED.

OKAY IF WE LEFT HIM TO PROGRESS
AT HIS OWN SPEED.
AH, WHAT THE HELL.

AT HIS OWN SPEED.
AH, WHAT THE HELL.
I HOPE THE KID DIES.

AH, WHAT THE HELL.
I HOPE THE KID DIES.
HE'S GOT NO FRIENDS EXCEPT FOR

I HOPE THE KID DIES.
HE'S GOT NO FRIENDS EXCEPT FOR
ME AND THE KIDS WHO HANG AROUND

HE'S GOT NO FRIENDS EXCEPT FOR
ME AND THE KIDS WHO HANG AROUND
HIM BECAUSE HE'S GOT A GREAT

ME AND THE KIDS WHO HANG AROUND
HIM BECAUSE HE'S GOT A GREAT
WATCH, THE WATCH THAT I BOUGHT

HIM BECAUSE HE'S GOT A GREAT
WATCH, THE WATCH THAT I BOUGHT
HIM FOR 800 FRICKIN' BUCKS.

WATCH, THE WATCH THAT I BOUGHT
HIM FOR 800 FRICKIN' BUCKS.
WOULDN'T THAT BE GREAT IF HE

HIM FOR 800 FRICKIN' BUCKS.
WOULDN'T THAT BE GREAT IF HE
DIED?

WOULDN'T THAT BE GREAT IF HE
DIED?
HE'D PROBABLY GO STRAIGHT TO

DIED?
HE'D PROBABLY GO STRAIGHT TO
H-E-DOUBLE-HOCKEY-STICKS.

HE'D PROBABLY GO STRAIGHT TO
H-E-DOUBLE-HOCKEY-STICKS.
I'M SURE HE HOCKED THE WATCH I

H-E-DOUBLE-HOCKEY-STICKS.
I'M SURE HE HOCKED THE WATCH I
GAVE HIM.

I'M SURE HE HOCKED THE WATCH I
GAVE HIM.
HE HOCKED IT.

GAVE HIM.
HE HOCKED IT.
HOCKED IT, AND THEN HE RAPED THE

HE HOCKED IT.
HOCKED IT, AND THEN HE RAPED THE
WOMAN THAT OWNED THE PAWN SHOP.

HOCKED IT, AND THEN HE RAPED THE
WOMAN THAT OWNED THE PAWN SHOP.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]

WOMAN THAT OWNED THE PAWN SHOP.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
HELLO?

[TELEPHONE RINGS]
HELLO?
KING'S KNIGHT TO KING'S

HELLO?
KING'S KNIGHT TO KING'S
KNIGHT FOUR, GRANDPA.

KING'S KNIGHT TO KING'S
KNIGHT FOUR, GRANDPA.
OKAY.

KNIGHT FOUR, GRANDPA.
OKAY.
YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DO THAT?

OKAY.
YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DO THAT?
[CHUCKLES]

YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DO THAT?
[CHUCKLES]
OKAY, SPORT, I'LL SPEAK TO YOU

[CHUCKLES]
OKAY, SPORT, I'LL SPEAK TO YOU
NEXT TUESDAY.

Announcer: LONG DISTANCE

KEEPS YOU IN TOUCH WITH THOSE

YOU LOVE MOST.

[APPLAUSE]

IN A RECENT COURT BATTLE IN

TEXAS, FEDERAL DISTRICT JUDGE

WILLIAM M. TAYLOR HAS UPHELD THE

RIGHT OF A TV NEWSMAN TO

TELEVISE EXECUTION AT THE

STATE'S PENITENTIARIES.

HE RULED THAT THE EVENT WAS AN

ACT OF STATE AND

CONSTITUTIONALLY SUBJECT TO FULL

EXPOSURE.

"SATURDAY NIGHT" HAS MADE AN

ARRANGEMENT WITH LUBBOCK STATE

PENITENTIARY IN TEXAS TO GET A

LOOK AT THE ACTUAL DRESS

REHEARSAL FOR THE EXECUTION OF

CONVICTED MASS MURDERER

DEAN SLYDELL, SET FOR NEXT

WEDNESDAY.

WE TAKE YOU NOW LIVE TO LUBBOCK,

TEXAS.

WE'RE ASSEMBLED HERE TONIGHT

TO DULY EXECUTE CONVICTED MASS

MURDERER DEAN SLYDELL UNDER THE

LAWS GOVERNING FIRST-DEGREE

MURDER IN THE UNITED STATES.

HI.
WELCOME TO LUBBOCK STATE
PENITENTIARY.

WELCOME TO LUBBOCK STATE
PENITENTIARY.
I'M WARDEN... I'M WARDEN

PENITENTIARY.
I'M WARDEN... I'M WARDEN
ROY GROOMIS, AND WELCOME TO THE

I'M WARDEN... I'M WARDEN
ROY GROOMIS, AND WELCOME TO THE
FIRST LOCAL TELEVISED EXECUTION

ROY GROOMIS, AND WELCOME TO THE
FIRST LOCAL TELEVISED EXECUTION
OF CONVICTED MASS MURDERER

FIRST LOCAL TELEVISED EXECUTION
OF CONVICTED MASS MURDERER
DEAN SLYDELL.

OF CONVICTED MASS MURDERER
DEAN SLYDELL.
HI, DEAN.

DEAN SLYDELL.
HI, DEAN.
HOW ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT?

HI, DEAN.
HOW ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT?
WELL, I GUESS I AM A LITTLE

HOW ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT?
WELL, I GUESS I AM A LITTLE
NERVOUS, WARDEN.

WELL, I GUESS I AM A LITTLE
NERVOUS, WARDEN.
IT'S MY FIRST TIME.

NERVOUS, WARDEN.
IT'S MY FIRST TIME.
DEAN, TELL US WHY YOU ARE IN

IT'S MY FIRST TIME.
DEAN, TELL US WHY YOU ARE IN
THE CHAIR TONIGHT.

DEAN, TELL US WHY YOU ARE IN
THE CHAIR TONIGHT.
OKAY, WARDEN.

THE CHAIR TONIGHT.
OKAY, WARDEN.
WELL, I GUESS IT ALL STARTED

OKAY, WARDEN.
WELL, I GUESS IT ALL STARTED
WHEN I WAS A KID.

WELL, I GUESS IT ALL STARTED
WHEN I WAS A KID.
DON'T TAKE TOO LONG, DEAN.

WHEN I WAS A KID.
DON'T TAKE TOO LONG, DEAN.
WE DON'T HAVE TOO MUCH AIRTIME.

DON'T TAKE TOO LONG, DEAN.
WE DON'T HAVE TOO MUCH AIRTIME.
OKAY.

WE DON'T HAVE TOO MUCH AIRTIME.
OKAY.
I STABBED, OR TOOK PART IN THE

OKAY.
I STABBED, OR TOOK PART IN THE
STABBING OF, 29 BANK EMPLOYEES.

I STABBED, OR TOOK PART IN THE
STABBING OF, 29 BANK EMPLOYEES.
FINE. THANK YOU.

STABBING OF, 29 BANK EMPLOYEES.
FINE. THANK YOU.
NOW A LITTLE BIT ABOUT THE CHAIR

FINE. THANK YOU.
NOW A LITTLE BIT ABOUT THE CHAIR
ITSELF.

NOW A LITTLE BIT ABOUT THE CHAIR
ITSELF.
IT'S A BEAUTY, FOLKS.

ITSELF.
IT'S A BEAUTY, FOLKS.
THE CHAIR IS A CUSTOM-BUILT

IT'S A BEAUTY, FOLKS.
THE CHAIR IS A CUSTOM-BUILT
MAINWAY FRY KING, DELIVERING

THE CHAIR IS A CUSTOM-BUILT
MAINWAY FRY KING, DELIVERING
25,000 VOLTS, A.C. OUTPUT, AT 2

MAINWAY FRY KING, DELIVERING
25,000 VOLTS, A.C. OUTPUT, AT 2
AMPS BOOSTED TO 10 AMPS AT POINT

25,000 VOLTS, A.C. OUTPUT, AT 2
AMPS BOOSTED TO 10 AMPS AT POINT
OF EXECUTION.

AMPS BOOSTED TO 10 AMPS AT POINT
OF EXECUTION.
SAY, THAT'S A LOT OF JUICE,

OF EXECUTION.
SAY, THAT'S A LOT OF JUICE,
WARDEN.

SAY, THAT'S A LOT OF JUICE,
WARDEN.
WELL, IT'S NOT THAT WE'LL

WARDEN.
WELL, IT'S NOT THAT WE'LL
EVER NEED THAT MUCH, BUT IT'S

WELL, IT'S NOT THAT WE'LL
EVER NEED THAT MUCH, BUT IT'S
THERE IF WE NEED IT.

EVER NEED THAT MUCH, BUT IT'S
THERE IF WE NEED IT.
CUT! CUT!

THERE IF WE NEED IT.
CUT! CUT!
MAKEUP, CAN WE GET IN HERE,

CUT! CUT!
MAKEUP, CAN WE GET IN HERE,
PLEASE?

MAKEUP, CAN WE GET IN HERE,
PLEASE?
SORRY, FELLAS.

PLEASE?
SORRY, FELLAS.
DEAN, HONEY, HAVING A LITTLE BIT

SORRY, FELLAS.
DEAN, HONEY, HAVING A LITTLE BIT
OF TROUBLE WITH YOUR FACE.

DEAN, HONEY, HAVING A LITTLE BIT
OF TROUBLE WITH YOUR FACE.
YOU GOT AN ANGRY NOSE SHADOW.

OF TROUBLE WITH YOUR FACE.
YOU GOT AN ANGRY NOSE SHADOW.
CAN YOU GET THAT, FRANCES?

YOU GOT AN ANGRY NOSE SHADOW.
CAN YOU GET THAT, FRANCES?
YOU'RE PERFECT, YOU'RE PERFECT.

CAN YOU GET THAT, FRANCES?
YOU'RE PERFECT, YOU'RE PERFECT.
OKAY, YOU GOT A GOOD FACE, PHIL.

YOU'RE PERFECT, YOU'RE PERFECT.
OKAY, YOU GOT A GOOD FACE, PHIL.
I WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE.

OKAY, YOU GOT A GOOD FACE, PHIL.
I WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE.
OKAY, LIGHTS!

I WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE.
OKAY, LIGHTS!
PHIL! PLEASE, BABY!

OKAY, LIGHTS!
PHIL! PLEASE, BABY!
THROW A K-84 IN THIS SCRIM ON

PHIL! PLEASE, BABY!
THROW A K-84 IN THIS SCRIM ON
DEANO'S FACE HERE, PLEASE.

THROW A K-84 IN THIS SCRIM ON
DEANO'S FACE HERE, PLEASE.
HE'S LOOKING LIKE THE HUBCAP ON

DEANO'S FACE HERE, PLEASE.
HE'S LOOKING LIKE THE HUBCAP ON
A '56 CHEVY, HUH?

HE'S LOOKING LIKE THE HUBCAP ON
A '56 CHEVY, HUH?
YOU'RE STRIVING, BABY, COME ON!

A '56 CHEVY, HUH?
YOU'RE STRIVING, BABY, COME ON!
OKAY. WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

YOU'RE STRIVING, BABY, COME ON!
OKAY. WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
YOU KNOW, WE GOT TO GET A MOOD

OKAY. WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
YOU KNOW, WE GOT TO GET A MOOD
HERE.

YOU KNOW, WE GOT TO GET A MOOD
HERE.
I'M SORRY, BABY.

HERE.
I'M SORRY, BABY.
DEAN, YOU'RE GOING TO FRY, OKAY?

I'M SORRY, BABY.
DEAN, YOU'RE GOING TO FRY, OKAY?
YOU'RE GOING TO DIE, ALL RIGHT?

DEAN, YOU'RE GOING TO FRY, OKAY?
YOU'RE GOING TO DIE, ALL RIGHT?
WILL YOU LET US SEE WHAT THAT

YOU'RE GOING TO DIE, ALL RIGHT?
WILL YOU LET US SEE WHAT THAT
FEELS LIKE?

WILL YOU LET US SEE WHAT THAT
FEELS LIKE?
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU THINK

FEELS LIKE?
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU THINK
ABOUT THAT, OKAY?

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU THINK
ABOUT THAT, OKAY?
JUST SHOW THE PEOPLE, OKAY?

ABOUT THAT, OKAY?
JUST SHOW THE PEOPLE, OKAY?
YOU'RE GONNA DIE. ALL RIGHT?

JUST SHOW THE PEOPLE, OKAY?
YOU'RE GONNA DIE. ALL RIGHT?
ALL RIGHT. PROPS!

YOU'RE GONNA DIE. ALL RIGHT?
ALL RIGHT. PROPS!
WILLIE!

ALL RIGHT. PROPS!
WILLIE!
HEY, ANIMAL.

WILLIE!
HEY, ANIMAL.
COME HERE, BABY!

HEY, ANIMAL.
COME HERE, BABY!
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

COME HERE, BABY!
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
I WANT TO SEE THE GOVERNOR'S

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
I WANT TO SEE THE GOVERNOR'S
PHONE IN THIS SHOT, OKAY?

I WANT TO SEE THE GOVERNOR'S
PHONE IN THIS SHOT, OKAY?
WILL YOU GET IT IN HERE?

PHONE IN THIS SHOT, OKAY?
WILL YOU GET IT IN HERE?
EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO CHEAT IT,

WILL YOU GET IT IN HERE?
EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO CHEAT IT,
USE A STILL, WILL YOU, ANIMAL?

EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO CHEAT IT,
USE A STILL, WILL YOU, ANIMAL?
OKAY. WHERE IS MY PRIEST?

USE A STILL, WILL YOU, ANIMAL?
OKAY. WHERE IS MY PRIEST?
WHERE IN THE HELL IS HE?

OKAY. WHERE IS MY PRIEST?
WHERE IN THE HELL IS HE?
RIGHT HERE, JIM.

WHERE IN THE HELL IS HE?
RIGHT HERE, JIM.
OKAY.

RIGHT HERE, JIM.
OKAY.
HELLO, REVEREND, HELLO.

OKAY.
HELLO, REVEREND, HELLO.
WRONG, WRONG, WRONG, WRONG,

HELLO, REVEREND, HELLO.
WRONG, WRONG, WRONG, WRONG,
WRONG!

WRONG, WRONG, WRONG, WRONG,
WRONG!
YOU ASKED FOR A BAPTIST

WRONG!
YOU ASKED FOR A BAPTIST
PRIEST.

YOU ASKED FOR A BAPTIST
PRIEST.
A BLACK PRIEST IN TEXAS.

PRIEST.
A BLACK PRIEST IN TEXAS.
TERRIFIC.

A BLACK PRIEST IN TEXAS.
TERRIFIC.
IT WILL NOT WORK.

TERRIFIC.
IT WILL NOT WORK.
TAKE HIM, TAKE HIM, TAKE HIM.

IT WILL NOT WORK.
TAKE HIM, TAKE HIM, TAKE HIM.
GET AWAY FROM ME, GET AWAY FROM

TAKE HIM, TAKE HIM, TAKE HIM.
GET AWAY FROM ME, GET AWAY FROM
ME, GET AWAY FROM ME!

GET AWAY FROM ME, GET AWAY FROM
ME, GET AWAY FROM ME!
GO TALK TO FERGUSON.

ME, GET AWAY FROM ME!
GO TALK TO FERGUSON.
I'M SORRY. OKAY.

GO TALK TO FERGUSON.
I'M SORRY. OKAY.
ALL RIGHT, WARDEN, EXCUSE ME.

I'M SORRY. OKAY.
ALL RIGHT, WARDEN, EXCUSE ME.
YOU KNOW WHAT WE NEED HERE?

ALL RIGHT, WARDEN, EXCUSE ME.
YOU KNOW WHAT WE NEED HERE?
WE NEED A LITTLE BIT OF WARMTH.

YOU KNOW WHAT WE NEED HERE?
WE NEED A LITTLE BIT OF WARMTH.
NOW, YOU KNOW THE GUY, OKAY?

WE NEED A LITTLE BIT OF WARMTH.
NOW, YOU KNOW THE GUY, OKAY?
HOW LONG YOU BEEN ON DEATH ROW

NOW, YOU KNOW THE GUY, OKAY?
HOW LONG YOU BEEN ON DEATH ROW
NOW... MAYBE SEVEN, EIGHT YEARS?

HOW LONG YOU BEEN ON DEATH ROW
NOW... MAYBE SEVEN, EIGHT YEARS?
SEVEN YEARS, TWO MONTHS.

NOW... MAYBE SEVEN, EIGHT YEARS?
SEVEN YEARS, TWO MONTHS.
SEVEN YEARS, TWO MONTHS.

SEVEN YEARS, TWO MONTHS.
SEVEN YEARS, TWO MONTHS.
OKAY.

SEVEN YEARS, TWO MONTHS.
OKAY.
NOW, I WANT YOU TO PUT YOUR ARM

OKAY.
NOW, I WANT YOU TO PUT YOUR ARM
AROUND HIM, OKAY?

NOW, I WANT YOU TO PUT YOUR ARM
AROUND HIM, OKAY?
CAN WE GET THIS?

AROUND HIM, OKAY?
CAN WE GET THIS?
OH, THAT IS PERFECTO!

CAN WE GET THIS?
OH, THAT IS PERFECTO!
PERFECTO!

OH, THAT IS PERFECTO!
PERFECTO!
ISN'T IT WARMER?

PERFECTO!
ISN'T IT WARMER?
EVERYBODY... WARMER?

ISN'T IT WARMER?
EVERYBODY... WARMER?
OKAY, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD!

EVERYBODY... WARMER?
OKAY, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD!
OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

OKAY, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD!
OKAY. ALL RIGHT.
LET'S PICK IT UP FROM THE LAST

OKAY. ALL RIGHT.
LET'S PICK IT UP FROM THE LAST
PART... YOUR SPEECH ABOUT THE

LET'S PICK IT UP FROM THE LAST
PART... YOUR SPEECH ABOUT THE
CHAIR, WARDEN... OKAY?

PART... YOUR SPEECH ABOUT THE
CHAIR, WARDEN... OKAY?
READY?

CHAIR, WARDEN... OKAY?
READY?
QUIET, PLEASE!

AND ACTION!

25,000 VOLTS, A.C. OUTPUT, AT

2 AMPS BOOSTED TO 10 AMPS AT

POINT OF EXECUTION.

SAY, THAT'S A LOT OF...

AAH!

CUT!
CARDS? AL?!
WILL YOU LOOK AT THIS NUT?

CARDS? AL?!
WILL YOU LOOK AT THIS NUT?
HE'S SHOWING THE LAST CARD.

WILL YOU LOOK AT THIS NUT?
HE'S SHOWING THE LAST CARD.
GREAT. TERRIFIC.

HE'S SHOWING THE LAST CARD.
GREAT. TERRIFIC.
THAT'S FOR TOMORROW, YOU BANANA

GREAT. TERRIFIC.
THAT'S FOR TOMORROW, YOU BANANA
BRAIN.

THAT'S FOR TOMORROW, YOU BANANA
BRAIN.
GET OUT OF HERE!

BRAIN.
GET OUT OF HERE!
OH, OKAY, I'M SORRY.

GET OUT OF HERE!
OH, OKAY, I'M SORRY.
TALK ABOUT BRINGING YOU DOWN

OH, OKAY, I'M SORRY.
TALK ABOUT BRINGING YOU DOWN
PREMATURELY.

TALK ABOUT BRINGING YOU DOWN
PREMATURELY.
OKAY, EVERYBODY, THAT IS A

PREMATURELY.
OKAY, EVERYBODY, THAT IS A
WRAP, OKAY, PEOPLE?

OKAY, EVERYBODY, THAT IS A
WRAP, OKAY, PEOPLE?
THANK YOU!

WRAP, OKAY, PEOPLE?
THANK YOU!
DEANO, GET SOME SLEEP, HUH?

THANK YOU!
DEANO, GET SOME SLEEP, HUH?
YOU GOT SOME CIRCLES HERE UNDER

DEANO, GET SOME SLEEP, HUH?
YOU GOT SOME CIRCLES HERE UNDER
THE EYES.

YOU GOT SOME CIRCLES HERE UNDER
THE EYES.
WE WANT YOU TO LOOK TERRIFIC ON

THE EYES.
WE WANT YOU TO LOOK TERRIFIC ON
WEDNESDAY, OKAY?

WE WANT YOU TO LOOK TERRIFIC ON
WEDNESDAY, OKAY?
MADELINE, WILL YOU GIVE THEM

WEDNESDAY, OKAY?
MADELINE, WILL YOU GIVE THEM
THEIR CALLS?

MADELINE, WILL YOU GIVE THEM
THEIR CALLS?
TOMORROW, EVERYBODY!

THEIR CALLS?
TOMORROW, EVERYBODY!
PEACE!

TOMORROW, EVERYBODY!
PEACE!
OKAY, DEAN, WE'LL PICK YOU UP

PEACE!
OKAY, DEAN, WE'LL PICK YOU UP
TOMORROW MORNING ON DEATH ROW AT

OKAY, DEAN, WE'LL PICK YOU UP
TOMORROW MORNING ON DEATH ROW AT
7:30.

TOMORROW MORNING ON DEATH ROW AT
7:30.
AND, WARDEN...

7:30.
AND, WARDEN...
I'LL GET HERE MYSELF.

AND, WARDEN...
I'LL GET HERE MYSELF.
I GOT MY OWN CAR.

I'LL GET HERE MYSELF.
I GOT MY OWN CAR.
YOU KNOW, WARDEN, MAY I SAY

I GOT MY OWN CAR.
YOU KNOW, WARDEN, MAY I SAY
THAT IT'S GETTING A TERRIFIC

YOU KNOW, WARDEN, MAY I SAY
THAT IT'S GETTING A TERRIFIC
REACTION ON THE SET, AND THEY

THAT IT'S GETTING A TERRIFIC
REACTION ON THE SET, AND THEY
ARE THE TOUGHEST AUDIENCE.

REACTION ON THE SET, AND THEY
ARE THE TOUGHEST AUDIENCE.
LET'S GET SOME COFFEE OR

ARE THE TOUGHEST AUDIENCE.
LET'S GET SOME COFFEE OR
SOMETHING.

LET'S GET SOME COFFEE OR
SOMETHING.
COME ON.

SOMETHING.
COME ON.
[APPLAUSE]

HEWWO, THIS IS BABA WAWA.
I'M SPEAKING TO YOU TONIGHT FWOM
MY HOME, WHICH YOU ALL SAW ON MY

I'M SPEAKING TO YOU TONIGHT FWOM
MY HOME, WHICH YOU ALL SAW ON MY
WAST SPECIAL AND WEAWWY WIKED A

MY HOME, WHICH YOU ALL SAW ON MY
WAST SPECIAL AND WEAWWY WIKED A
WOT... WEMEMBER?

WAST SPECIAL AND WEAWWY WIKED A
WOT... WEMEMBER?
WE TOOK A WITTLE TOUR OF MY

WOT... WEMEMBER?
WE TOOK A WITTLE TOUR OF MY
PWACE, AND YOU GOT TO SEE SOME

WE TOOK A WITTLE TOUR OF MY
PWACE, AND YOU GOT TO SEE SOME
OF MY WEAWWY INTEWESTING

PWACE, AND YOU GOT TO SEE SOME
OF MY WEAWWY INTEWESTING
PERSONAL BEWONGINGS, WIKE A

OF MY WEAWWY INTEWESTING
PERSONAL BEWONGINGS, WIKE A
MIWWOR, A CWOCK, AND A WITTLE

PERSONAL BEWONGINGS, WIKE A
MIWWOR, A CWOCK, AND A WITTLE
WUMP OF COAL.

MIWWOR, A CWOCK, AND A WITTLE
WUMP OF COAL.
PWETTY ENGWOSSING.

WUMP OF COAL.
PWETTY ENGWOSSING.
I THOUGHT SO, TOO.

PWETTY ENGWOSSING.
I THOUGHT SO, TOO.
THAT'S WHY, FOR MY NEXT SPECIAL,

I THOUGHT SO, TOO.
THAT'S WHY, FOR MY NEXT SPECIAL,
INSTEAD OF WASTING TIME WITH

THAT'S WHY, FOR MY NEXT SPECIAL,
INSTEAD OF WASTING TIME WITH
EXTWANEOUS PEWSONAWITIES WIKE

INSTEAD OF WASTING TIME WITH
EXTWANEOUS PEWSONAWITIES WIKE
THE PWESIDENT OF THE

EXTWANEOUS PEWSONAWITIES WIKE
THE PWESIDENT OF THE
UNITED STATES, THE WHOLE SHOW IS

THE PWESIDENT OF THE
UNITED STATES, THE WHOLE SHOW IS
GOING TO BE ABOUT ONE TEWWIFIC

UNITED STATES, THE WHOLE SHOW IS
GOING TO BE ABOUT ONE TEWWIFIC
PEWSON WHO I WEAWWY WESPECT...

GOING TO BE ABOUT ONE TEWWIFIC
PEWSON WHO I WEAWWY WESPECT...
ME!

PEWSON WHO I WEAWWY WESPECT...
ME!
INSTEAD OF TALKING TO

ME!
INSTEAD OF TALKING TO
CEWEBWITIES, I'LL BE TALKING TO

INSTEAD OF TALKING TO
CEWEBWITIES, I'LL BE TALKING TO
MYSELF.

CEWEBWITIES, I'LL BE TALKING TO
MYSELF.
IT'LL BE FWEE, FWANK, WEAL, AND

MYSELF.
IT'LL BE FWEE, FWANK, WEAL, AND
REVEAWING.

IT'LL BE FWEE, FWANK, WEAL, AND
REVEAWING.
I'LL BE TAKING YOU BACK TO MY

REVEAWING.
I'LL BE TAKING YOU BACK TO MY
APARTMENT, AND YOU'LL HAVE A

I'LL BE TAKING YOU BACK TO MY
APARTMENT, AND YOU'LL HAVE A
WARE OPPORTUNITY TO SEE SOME OF

APARTMENT, AND YOU'LL HAVE A
WARE OPPORTUNITY TO SEE SOME OF
MY FAVOWITE TWINKETS, INCWUDING

WARE OPPORTUNITY TO SEE SOME OF
MY FAVOWITE TWINKETS, INCWUDING
MY WINGS, MY WUGS, MY DWAPES, MY

MY FAVOWITE TWINKETS, INCWUDING
MY WINGS, MY WUGS, MY DWAPES, MY
PWANTS, MY WECORDS, MY

MY WINGS, MY WUGS, MY DWAPES, MY
PWANTS, MY WECORDS, MY
WIPSTICKS, AND MY TWUE WAISON

PWANTS, MY WECORDS, MY
WIPSTICKS, AND MY TWUE WAISON
D'ETWA.

WIPSTICKS, AND MY TWUE WAISON
D'ETWA.
ALSO... ALSO, MY WANGE, MY

D'ETWA.
ALSO... ALSO, MY WANGE, MY
WADIATOR, MY WADIO, MY WECORD

ALSO... ALSO, MY WANGE, MY
WADIATOR, MY WADIO, MY WECORD
PWAYER, MY WAINCOAT, MY NASAL

WADIATOR, MY WADIO, MY WECORD
PWAYER, MY WAINCOAT, MY NASAL
ASPIWATOR, AND MY BEST FWIEND,

PWAYER, MY WAINCOAT, MY NASAL
ASPIWATOR, AND MY BEST FWIEND,
WITA TAYWOR.

ASPIWATOR, AND MY BEST FWIEND,
WITA TAYWOR.
NOW, A WOT OF PEOPLE THOUGHT MY

WITA TAYWOR.
NOW, A WOT OF PEOPLE THOUGHT MY
WAST PROGWAM WAS PWETTY CWUMMY.

NOW, A WOT OF PEOPLE THOUGHT MY
WAST PROGWAM WAS PWETTY CWUMMY.
WELL, THIS ONE IS TWUWY CWAMMED

WAST PROGWAM WAS PWETTY CWUMMY.
WELL, THIS ONE IS TWUWY CWAMMED
WITH CWEVER WEVEWATIONS,

WELL, THIS ONE IS TWUWY CWAMMED
WITH CWEVER WEVEWATIONS,
WAPPORT, AND WEPARTEE.

WITH CWEVER WEVEWATIONS,
WAPPORT, AND WEPARTEE.
SO, TUNE IN TO "BABA WAWA TALKS

WAPPORT, AND WEPARTEE.
SO, TUNE IN TO "BABA WAWA TALKS
TO HERSELF."

SO, TUNE IN TO "BABA WAWA TALKS
TO HERSELF."
IT SHOULD BE PWETTY TEWWIFIC.

TO HERSELF."
IT SHOULD BE PWETTY TEWWIFIC.
[APPLAUSE]

MY NEXT GUEST HAS JUST BEEN
NOMINATED FOR FIVE GRAMMY
AWARDS.

NOMINATED FOR FIVE GRAMMY
AWARDS.
HERE HE IS... GEORGE BENSON!

AWARDS.
HERE HE IS... GEORGE BENSON!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

HERE HE IS... GEORGE BENSON!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[INTRODUCTION TO "MASQUERADE"

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[INTRODUCTION TO "MASQUERADE"
PLAYS]

[INTRODUCTION TO "MASQUERADE"
PLAYS]
♪ DOO DOO DOO ♪

[PLAYS]
♪ DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪

♪ DOO DOO DOO ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
[SINGING ALONG WITH GUITAR

♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪
[SINGING ALONG WITH GUITAR
MELODY]

♪ ARE WE REALLY HAPPY HERE WITH
THIS LONELY GAME WE PLAY? ♪
♪ LOOKING FOR WORDS TO SAY ♪

THIS LONELY GAME WE PLAY? ♪
♪ LOOKING FOR WORDS TO SAY ♪
♪ SEARCHING BUT NOT FINDING ♪

♪ LOOKING FOR WORDS TO SAY ♪
♪ SEARCHING BUT NOT FINDING ♪
♪ UNDERSTANDING ANYWAY ♪

♪ SEARCHING BUT NOT FINDING ♪
♪ UNDERSTANDING ANYWAY ♪
♪ WE'RE LOST IN A MAS... ♪

♪ UNDERSTANDING ANYWAY ♪
♪ WE'RE LOST IN A MAS... ♪
♪ MASQUERADE ♪

♪ WE'RE LOST IN A MAS... ♪
♪ MASQUERADE ♪
♪ WE'RE BOTH AFRAID TO SAY WE'RE

♪ MASQUERADE ♪
♪ WE'RE BOTH AFRAID TO SAY WE'RE
JUST TOO FAR AWAY ♪

♪ WE'RE BOTH AFRAID TO SAY WE'RE
JUST TOO FAR AWAY ♪
♪ MM-HMM ♪

JUST TOO FAR AWAY ♪
♪ MM-HMM ♪
♪ FROM BEING CLOSE TOGETHER FROM

♪ MM-HMM ♪
♪ FROM BEING CLOSE TOGETHER FROM
THE START ♪

♪ FROM BEING CLOSE TOGETHER FROM
THE START ♪
♪ WE TRIED TO TALK IT OVER, BUT

THE START ♪
♪ WE TRIED TO TALK IT OVER, BUT
THE WORDS GOT IN THE WAY ♪

♪ WE TRIED TO TALK IT OVER, BUT
THE WORDS GOT IN THE WAY ♪
♪ WE'RE LOST INSIDE THIS LONELY

THE WORDS GOT IN THE WAY ♪
♪ WE'RE LOST INSIDE THIS LONELY
GAME WE PLAY ♪

♪ WE'RE LOST INSIDE THIS LONELY
GAME WE PLAY ♪
♪ THOUGHTS OF WEEPING DISAPPEAR

GAME WE PLAY ♪
♪ THOUGHTS OF WEEPING DISAPPEAR
EVERY TIME I SEE YOUR EYES ♪

♪ THOUGHTS OF WEEPING DISAPPEAR
EVERY TIME I SEE YOUR EYES ♪
♪ NO MATTER HOW HARD... HOW HARD

EVERY TIME I SEE YOUR EYES ♪
♪ NO MATTER HOW HARD... HOW HARD
I TRY ♪

♪ NO MATTER HOW HARD... HOW HARD
I TRY ♪
♪ OH ♪

I TRY ♪
♪ OH ♪
♪ TO UNDERSTAND THE REASONS THAT

♪ OH ♪
♪ TO UNDERSTAND THE REASONS THAT
WE CARRY ON THIS WAY ♪

♪ TO UNDERSTAND THE REASONS THAT
WE CARRY ON THIS WAY ♪
♪ YOU KNOW, WE'RE LOST IN A

WE CARRY ON THIS WAY ♪
♪ YOU KNOW, WE'RE LOST IN A
MASQUERADE ♪

♪ YOU KNOW, WE'RE LOST IN A
MASQUERADE ♪
♪ WHOA ♪

MASQUERADE ♪
♪ WHOA ♪
♪ IN A MASQUERADE ♪

♪ WHOA ♪
♪ IN A MASQUERADE ♪
♪ OOH, OOH ♪

♪ IN A MASQUERADE ♪
♪ OOH, OOH ♪
[SINGING ALONG WITH GUITAR

♪ OOH, OOH ♪
[SINGING ALONG WITH GUITAR
MELODY]

♪ IN A MASQUERADE ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

OKAY, MS. GREEN, WHAT TIME
IS MY FLIGHT TO PLAINS?
5:00.

IS MY FLIGHT TO PLAINS?
5:00.
NOW, THAT'S IN TWO HOURS.

5:00.
NOW, THAT'S IN TWO HOURS.
NOW, MR. NADER, HOW LONG ARE YOU

NOW, THAT'S IN TWO HOURS.
NOW, MR. NADER, HOW LONG ARE YOU
GOING TO BE THERE?

NOW, MR. NADER, HOW LONG ARE YOU
GOING TO BE THERE?
THAT DEPENDS ON WHETHER HE'S

GOING TO BE THERE?
THAT DEPENDS ON WHETHER HE'S
INTERESTED IN WHAT I HAVE TO

THAT DEPENDS ON WHETHER HE'S
INTERESTED IN WHAT I HAVE TO
SAY.

INTERESTED IN WHAT I HAVE TO
SAY.
DID YOU HAVE MY OTHER DARK SUIT

SAY.
DID YOU HAVE MY OTHER DARK SUIT
CLEANED?

DID YOU HAVE MY OTHER DARK SUIT
CLEANED?
YES, SIR, I CLEANED YOUR

CLEANED?
YES, SIR, I CLEANED YOUR
OTHER SUIT AND YOUR TIE.

YES, SIR, I CLEANED YOUR
OTHER SUIT AND YOUR TIE.
OKAY.

OTHER SUIT AND YOUR TIE.
OKAY.
I'M GOING TO SLEEP FOR A COUPLE

OKAY.
I'M GOING TO SLEEP FOR A COUPLE
OF HOURS.

I'M GOING TO SLEEP FOR A COUPLE
OF HOURS.
WAKE ME UP WHEN IT'S TIME TO GO.

OF HOURS.
WAKE ME UP WHEN IT'S TIME TO GO.
ALL RIGHT, YES, MR. NADER.

WAKE ME UP WHEN IT'S TIME TO GO.
ALL RIGHT, YES, MR. NADER.
AH, CARTER.

ALL RIGHT, YES, MR. NADER.
AH, CARTER.
WHAT A CABINET.

AH, CARTER.
WHAT A CABINET.
I WONDER IF HE REALLY CARES WHAT

WHAT A CABINET.
I WONDER IF HE REALLY CARES WHAT
I THINK NOW THAT THE ELECTION IS

I WONDER IF HE REALLY CARES WHAT
I THINK NOW THAT THE ELECTION IS
OVER.

I THINK NOW THAT THE ELECTION IS
OVER.
[HARP PLAYS]

[KNOCK ON DOOR]
COME IN.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

COME IN.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
OH, RALPH.

[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
OH, RALPH.
IT'S VERY NICE TO SEE YOU.

OH, RALPH.
IT'S VERY NICE TO SEE YOU.
HOW ARE YOU?

IT'S VERY NICE TO SEE YOU.
HOW ARE YOU?
JUST FINE.

HOW ARE YOU?
JUST FINE.
WON'T YOU SIT DOWN?

JUST FINE.
WON'T YOU SIT DOWN?
WANT SOME PEANUTS?

WON'T YOU SIT DOWN?
WANT SOME PEANUTS?
THANKS.

WANT SOME PEANUTS?
THANKS.
I HOPE YOU'RE SINCERE, JIMMY.

THANKS.
I HOPE YOU'RE SINCERE, JIMMY.
I'VE BEEN QUITE CRITICAL OF YOU

I HOPE YOU'RE SINCERE, JIMMY.
I'VE BEEN QUITE CRITICAL OF YOU
LATELY.

I'VE BEEN QUITE CRITICAL OF YOU
LATELY.
WELL, I WANT TO EXPLAIN TO

LATELY.
WELL, I WANT TO EXPLAIN TO
YOU, RALPH, THAT I CHOSE MY

WELL, I WANT TO EXPLAIN TO
YOU, RALPH, THAT I CHOSE MY
CABINET TO PLACATE THE

YOU, RALPH, THAT I CHOSE MY
CABINET TO PLACATE THE
CONSERVATIVES.

CABINET TO PLACATE THE
CONSERVATIVES.
ONCE I ASSUME THE ROLE OF

CONSERVATIVES.
ONCE I ASSUME THE ROLE OF
PRESIDENT, I'LL BE READY TO

ONCE I ASSUME THE ROLE OF
PRESIDENT, I'LL BE READY TO
IMPLEMENT MY IDEALISTIC CHANGES,

PRESIDENT, I'LL BE READY TO
IMPLEMENT MY IDEALISTIC CHANGES,
AND I'LL... WELL, I'M GLAD

IMPLEMENT MY IDEALISTIC CHANGES,
AND I'LL... WELL, I'M GLAD
YOU'RE HERE BECAUSE I WANT YOU

AND I'LL... WELL, I'M GLAD
YOU'RE HERE BECAUSE I WANT YOU
TO TELL ME EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT

YOU'RE HERE BECAUSE I WANT YOU
TO TELL ME EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT
ME TO DO WHEN I BECOME

TO TELL ME EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT
ME TO DO WHEN I BECOME
PRESIDENT.

ME TO DO WHEN I BECOME
PRESIDENT.
GO AHEAD. I'M ALL EARS.

PRESIDENT.
GO AHEAD. I'M ALL EARS.
OKAY, OKAY, I'M DELIGHTED.

GO AHEAD. I'M ALL EARS.
OKAY, OKAY, I'M DELIGHTED.
FIRST OF ALL, YOU SHOULD CALL A

OKAY, OKAY, I'M DELIGHTED.
FIRST OF ALL, YOU SHOULD CALL A
MORATORIUM ON NUCLEAR ENERGY.

FIRST OF ALL, YOU SHOULD CALL A
MORATORIUM ON NUCLEAR ENERGY.
OKAY.

MORATORIUM ON NUCLEAR ENERGY.
OKAY.
I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.

OKAY.
I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.
NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT, NUCLEAR

I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.
NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT, NUCLEAR
ENERGY REALLY IS A DOOMSDAY

NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT, NUCLEAR
ENERGY REALLY IS A DOOMSDAY
TECHNOLOGY.

ENERGY REALLY IS A DOOMSDAY
TECHNOLOGY.
YOU GOT IT.

TECHNOLOGY.
YOU GOT IT.
NO PROBLEM.

YOU GOT IT.
NO PROBLEM.
CAN YOU INTRODUCE A CORPORATE

NO PROBLEM.
CAN YOU INTRODUCE A CORPORATE
ACCOUNTABILITY ACT?

CAN YOU INTRODUCE A CORPORATE
ACCOUNTABILITY ACT?
TOUGHER ANTI-POLLUTION LAWS?

ACCOUNTABILITY ACT?
TOUGHER ANTI-POLLUTION LAWS?
BRILLIANT. WONDERFUL.

TOUGHER ANTI-POLLUTION LAWS?
BRILLIANT. WONDERFUL.
I'LL DO IT.

BRILLIANT. WONDERFUL.
I'LL DO IT.
DEFINITELY.

I'LL DO IT.
DEFINITELY.
AND IF YOU CAN PROMOTE AND

DEFINITELY.
AND IF YOU CAN PROMOTE AND
SIGN OUR BILL, S-1234, TO FORM A

AND IF YOU CAN PROMOTE AND
SIGN OUR BILL, S-1234, TO FORM A
NATIONAL CONSUMERS' COOPERATIVE

SIGN OUR BILL, S-1234, TO FORM A
NATIONAL CONSUMERS' COOPERATIVE
BANK TO HELP FINANCE SMALL

NATIONAL CONSUMERS' COOPERATIVE
BANK TO HELP FINANCE SMALL
BUSINESS AND GIVE CONSUMERS

BANK TO HELP FINANCE SMALL
BUSINESS AND GIVE CONSUMERS
SOVEREIGNTY IN THE MARKETPLACE.

BUSINESS AND GIVE CONSUMERS
SOVEREIGNTY IN THE MARKETPLACE.
SOME OF OUR CABINET MEMBERS

SOVEREIGNTY IN THE MARKETPLACE.
SOME OF OUR CABINET MEMBERS
ARE REALLY GONNA FLIP.

SOME OF OUR CABINET MEMBERS
ARE REALLY GONNA FLIP.
AND HOW ABOUT A

ARE REALLY GONNA FLIP.
AND HOW ABOUT A
WHISTLE-BLOWERS ACT TO PROTECT

AND HOW ABOUT A
WHISTLE-BLOWERS ACT TO PROTECT
PEOPLE LIKE ERNIE FITZGERALD,

WHISTLE-BLOWERS ACT TO PROTECT
PEOPLE LIKE ERNIE FITZGERALD,
WHO BLEW THE WHISTLE ON PENTAGON

PEOPLE LIKE ERNIE FITZGERALD,
WHO BLEW THE WHISTLE ON PENTAGON
WASTE?

WHO BLEW THE WHISTLE ON PENTAGON
WASTE?
OKAY. YOU GOT IT.

WASTE?
OKAY. YOU GOT IT.
DEFINITELY.

OKAY. YOU GOT IT.
DEFINITELY.
YOU'VE BEEN DOING SOME GOOD

DEFINITELY.
YOU'VE BEEN DOING SOME GOOD
TALKING.

YOU'VE BEEN DOING SOME GOOD
TALKING.
EVERYTHING YOU MENTIONED IS

TALKING.
EVERYTHING YOU MENTIONED IS
POSITIVE, DYNAMIC LEGISLATION.

EVERYTHING YOU MENTIONED IS
POSITIVE, DYNAMIC LEGISLATION.
I GIVE YOU MY WORD THAT I'LL DO

POSITIVE, DYNAMIC LEGISLATION.
I GIVE YOU MY WORD THAT I'LL DO
EVERYTHING IN MY SCOPE OF

I GIVE YOU MY WORD THAT I'LL DO
EVERYTHING IN MY SCOPE OF
INFLUENCE TO MAKE SURE THAT IT'S

EVERYTHING IN MY SCOPE OF
INFLUENCE TO MAKE SURE THAT IT'S
ENACTED.

INFLUENCE TO MAKE SURE THAT IT'S
ENACTED.
THAT'S WONDERFUL, JIMMY.

ENACTED.
THAT'S WONDERFUL, JIMMY.
IT'S ABOUT TIME THIS COUNTRY HAD

THAT'S WONDERFUL, JIMMY.
IT'S ABOUT TIME THIS COUNTRY HAD
SOMEBODY WITH YOUR COURAGE IN

IT'S ABOUT TIME THIS COUNTRY HAD
SOMEBODY WITH YOUR COURAGE IN
THE OVAL OFFICE.

SOMEBODY WITH YOUR COURAGE IN
THE OVAL OFFICE.
YOU CAN COUNT ON IT, RALPH.

THE OVAL OFFICE.
YOU CAN COUNT ON IT, RALPH.
SAY, JUST SO LONG AS YOU'RE

YOU CAN COUNT ON IT, RALPH.
SAY, JUST SO LONG AS YOU'RE
HERE, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A LOOK

SAY, JUST SO LONG AS YOU'RE
HERE, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A LOOK
AT SOME OF MY PLANS FOR MY

HERE, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A LOOK
AT SOME OF MY PLANS FOR MY
INAUGURATION?

AT SOME OF MY PLANS FOR MY
INAUGURATION?
TERRIFIC.

INAUGURATION?
TERRIFIC.
SINCE I'M NOT INVITED, I'D LOVE

TERRIFIC.
SINCE I'M NOT INVITED, I'D LOVE
TO SEE WHAT KIND OF INAUGURATION

SINCE I'M NOT INVITED, I'D LOVE
TO SEE WHAT KIND OF INAUGURATION
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE.

TO SEE WHAT KIND OF INAUGURATION
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE.
I'M GONNA TELL YOU, RALPH,

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE.
I'M GONNA TELL YOU, RALPH,
THIS IS GONNA BE THE GREATEST

I'M GONNA TELL YOU, RALPH,
THIS IS GONNA BE THE GREATEST
PARTY THIS UNION HAS EVER SEEN.

THIS IS GONNA BE THE GREATEST
PARTY THIS UNION HAS EVER SEEN.
["DIXIE" PLAYS]

PARTY THIS UNION HAS EVER SEEN.
["DIXIE" PLAYS]
MY PEOPLE HAVE BEEN WAITING 110

["DIXIE" PLAYS]
MY PEOPLE HAVE BEEN WAITING 110
YEARS FOR THIS TRIUMPHAL MARCH

MY PEOPLE HAVE BEEN WAITING 110
YEARS FOR THIS TRIUMPHAL MARCH
OF THE CONFEDERACY TO

YEARS FOR THIS TRIUMPHAL MARCH
OF THE CONFEDERACY TO
WASHINGTON.

OF THE CONFEDERACY TO
WASHINGTON.
FINALLY THE FLAGRANT RAPE OF THE

WASHINGTON.
FINALLY THE FLAGRANT RAPE OF THE
CONFEDERACY BY THE YANKEE WAR

FINALLY THE FLAGRANT RAPE OF THE
CONFEDERACY BY THE YANKEE WAR
DOGS IS GONNA BE AVENGED.

CONFEDERACY BY THE YANKEE WAR
DOGS IS GONNA BE AVENGED.
ON WEDNESDAY NIGHT, THE FIFTH

DOGS IS GONNA BE AVENGED.
ON WEDNESDAY NIGHT, THE FIFTH
DIVISION OF THE GEORGIA NATIONAL

ON WEDNESDAY NIGHT, THE FIFTH
DIVISION OF THE GEORGIA NATIONAL
GUARD... THAT IS, THE

DIVISION OF THE GEORGIA NATIONAL
GUARD... THAT IS, THE
LILLIAN CARTER WING... IN TANKS

GUARD... THAT IS, THE
LILLIAN CARTER WING... IN TANKS
AND ARMORED PERSONNEL CARRIERS,

LILLIAN CARTER WING... IN TANKS
AND ARMORED PERSONNEL CARRIERS,
ROLLS NORTH THROUGH THE

AND ARMORED PERSONNEL CARRIERS,
ROLLS NORTH THROUGH THE
CAROLINAS.

ROLLS NORTH THROUGH THE
CAROLINAS.
IT SPLITS HERE AT RALEIGH INTO

CAROLINAS.
IT SPLITS HERE AT RALEIGH INTO
A PINCER CLAW, TO BE

IT SPLITS HERE AT RALEIGH INTO
A PINCER CLAW, TO BE
COMPLEMENTED BY THE

A PINCER CLAW, TO BE
COMPLEMENTED BY THE
GEORGE WALLACE TACTICAL AIR WING

COMPLEMENTED BY THE
GEORGE WALLACE TACTICAL AIR WING
OF THE CONFEDERATE AIR FORCE.

GEORGE WALLACE TACTICAL AIR WING
OF THE CONFEDERATE AIR FORCE.
THE 20th ARMORED GROUP, LED BY

OF THE CONFEDERATE AIR FORCE.
THE 20th ARMORED GROUP, LED BY
5-TIME NASCAR WINNER

THE 20th ARMORED GROUP, LED BY
5-TIME NASCAR WINNER
CALE YARBOROUGH, WILL ROLL

5-TIME NASCAR WINNER
CALE YARBOROUGH, WILL ROLL
THROUGH KENTUCKY AND

CALE YARBOROUGH, WILL ROLL
THROUGH KENTUCKY AND
WEST VIRGINIA ONTO BATTLE

THROUGH KENTUCKY AND
WEST VIRGINIA ONTO BATTLE
EMPLACEMENTS HERE ON THE

WEST VIRGINIA ONTO BATTLE
EMPLACEMENTS HERE ON THE
SHENANDOAH RIVER.

EMPLACEMENTS HERE ON THE
SHENANDOAH RIVER.
RALPH, THEY WHIPPED US BAD AT

SHENANDOAH RIVER.
RALPH, THEY WHIPPED US BAD AT
RALEIGH AND AT VICKSBURG AND

RALPH, THEY WHIPPED US BAD AT
RALEIGH AND AT VICKSBURG AND
MEMPHIS AND SHILOH AND

RALEIGH AND AT VICKSBURG AND
MEMPHIS AND SHILOH AND
APPOMATTOX.

MEMPHIS AND SHILOH AND
APPOMATTOX.
DO YOU KNOW THAT SHERMAN RAN A

APPOMATTOX.
DO YOU KNOW THAT SHERMAN RAN A
SWATH THROUGH GEORGIA 50 MILES

DO YOU KNOW THAT SHERMAN RAN A
SWATH THROUGH GEORGIA 50 MILES
WIDE?

SWATH THROUGH GEORGIA 50 MILES
WIDE?
50 MILES OF THE CHOICEST, MOST

WIDE?
50 MILES OF THE CHOICEST, MOST
BEAUTIFUL PEANUT COUNTRY IN THE

50 MILES OF THE CHOICEST, MOST
BEAUTIFUL PEANUT COUNTRY IN THE
CONFEDERACY.

BEAUTIFUL PEANUT COUNTRY IN THE
CONFEDERACY.
ON THE NIGHT OF THE 20th, THE

CONFEDERACY.
ON THE NIGHT OF THE 20th, THE
TACTICAL ASSAULT BRIGADE OF THE

ON THE NIGHT OF THE 20th, THE
TACTICAL ASSAULT BRIGADE OF THE
GREGG ALLMAN LAND-SEA BRIGADE

TACTICAL ASSAULT BRIGADE OF THE
GREGG ALLMAN LAND-SEA BRIGADE
WILL SEIZE AND BURN WASHINGTON.

GREGG ALLMAN LAND-SEA BRIGADE
WILL SEIZE AND BURN WASHINGTON.
THE ZERO-BASED BUDGETING I HAVE

WILL SEIZE AND BURN WASHINGTON.
THE ZERO-BASED BUDGETING I HAVE
PROPOSED WILL HELP ME REVALIDATE

THE ZERO-BASED BUDGETING I HAVE
PROPOSED WILL HELP ME REVALIDATE
CONFEDERATE CURRENCY.

PROPOSED WILL HELP ME REVALIDATE
CONFEDERATE CURRENCY.
YAHOO!

CONFEDERATE CURRENCY.
YAHOO!
YAHOO!

YAHOO!
YAHOO!
AND YOU, RALPH NADER, THE BEST

YAHOO!
AND YOU, RALPH NADER, THE BEST
CONSUMER ADVOCATE IN THE WORLD,

AND YOU, RALPH NADER, THE BEST
CONSUMER ADVOCATE IN THE WORLD,
I WANT YOU WORKING WITH ME.

CONSUMER ADVOCATE IN THE WORLD,
I WANT YOU WORKING WITH ME.
I HAVE AN OFFICE SET UP IN

I WANT YOU WORKING WITH ME.
I HAVE AN OFFICE SET UP IN
PLAINS FOR YOU.

I HAVE AN OFFICE SET UP IN
PLAINS FOR YOU.
MY MEN WILL TAKE YOU OVER THERE

PLAINS FOR YOU.
MY MEN WILL TAKE YOU OVER THERE
NOW.

MY MEN WILL TAKE YOU OVER THERE
NOW.
IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO GO, RALPH.

NOW.
IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO GO, RALPH.
TIME FOR YOU TO GO...

IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO GO, RALPH.
TIME FOR YOU TO GO...
TIME FOR YOU TO GO...

TIME FOR YOU TO GO...
TIME FOR YOU TO GO...
MR. NADER, IT'S TIME FOR YOU

TIME FOR YOU TO GO...
MR. NADER, IT'S TIME FOR YOU
TO GO.

MR. NADER, IT'S TIME FOR YOU
TO GO.
MR. NADER, WERE YOU HAVING A

TO GO.
MR. NADER, WERE YOU HAVING A
DREAM?

MR. NADER, WERE YOU HAVING A
DREAM?
YEAH. I GUESS SO.

DREAM?
YEAH. I GUESS SO.
I WAS DREAMING.

YEAH. I GUESS SO.
I WAS DREAMING.
BUT WHERE DID ALL THESE PEANUTS

I WAS DREAMING.
BUT WHERE DID ALL THESE PEANUTS
COME FROM?

BUT WHERE DID ALL THESE PEANUTS
COME FROM?
[APPLAUSE]

Announcer: AND NOW

"WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH

JANE CURTIN.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

HELLO?

HI, JANE?

THIS IS JOHN... JOHN BELUSHI.

HI, JOHN, HOW ARE YOU?

WELL, NOT TOO GOOD, ACTUALLY.

YOU PROBABLY NOTICED I HAVEN'T

BEEN IN THE SHOW YET.

WELL, SEE, THAT'S 'CAUSE I'M IN

THE HOSPITAL.

I HAVE A HURT LEG, YOU KNOW.

I GOT A KNEE INJURY, KIND OF

LIKE A JOE NAMATH KIND OF THING,

YOU KNOW?

YEAH, I'VE BEEN HERE LIKE A

WEEK, JANE, AND NOBODY HAS COME

TO VISIT ME OR ANYTHING, NOBODY

HAS EVEN CALLED, AND THERE

HASN'T BEEN ANY PUBLICITY ABOUT

ME NOT DOING THE SHOW.

WHEN CHASE WAS IN THE HOSPITAL,

THERE WAS A LOT OF PUBLICITY.

YEAH, JOHN, WE DIDN'T WANT TO

DEPRESS EVERYONE DURING THE

FIRST PART OF THE SHOW, SO WE

THOUGHT WE'D WAIT UNTIL THE

"GOOD NIGHTS" TO TELL THEM ABOUT

IT.

OH. OKAY.

WELL, I JUST WANT TO TELL

EVERYONE THAT I AM IN THE

HOSPITAL.

I HURT MY LEG.

IT'S A TORN MENISCUS IN THE

KNEE.

IT'S CARTILAGE.

IT NEEDS TO BE OPERATED ON.

BUT I WILL BE BACK NEXT WEEK,
WITH OR WITHOUT MY LEG.
THEY'RE THINKING ABOUT CUTTING

WITH OR WITHOUT MY LEG.
THEY'RE THINKING ABOUT CUTTING
IT OFF WITH A CHAIN SAW, BUT I'M

THEY'RE THINKING ABOUT CUTTING
IT OFF WITH A CHAIN SAW, BUT I'M
HOPING NOT TO.

IT OFF WITH A CHAIN SAW, BUT I'M
HOPING NOT TO.
BY THE WAY, HEY, WHO'S THAT NEW

HOPING NOT TO.
BY THE WAY, HEY, WHO'S THAT NEW
KID IN THE SHOW, THE ONE WITH

BY THE WAY, HEY, WHO'S THAT NEW
KID IN THE SHOW, THE ONE WITH
THE MUSTACHE?

KID IN THE SHOW, THE ONE WITH
THE MUSTACHE?
MURPHY? WHAT'S HIS NAME?

THE MUSTACHE?
MURPHY? WHAT'S HIS NAME?
NO, NO, NO. BILLY MURRAY.

MURPHY? WHAT'S HIS NAME?
NO, NO, NO. BILLY MURRAY.
ISN'T HE GREAT?

NO, NO, NO. BILLY MURRAY.
ISN'T HE GREAT?
HE CAN DO ANYTHING.

ISN'T HE GREAT?
HE CAN DO ANYTHING.
[SCOFFS] YEAH. SURE.

HE CAN DO ANYTHING.
[SCOFFS] YEAH. SURE.
I'M SURE HE CAN.

[SCOFFS] YEAH. SURE.
I'M SURE HE CAN.
HOW ABOUT A SAMURAI?

I'M SURE HE CAN.
HOW ABOUT A SAMURAI?
CAN HE DO A SAMURAI?

HOW ABOUT A SAMURAI?
CAN HE DO A SAMURAI?
BILLY DOES THE BEST SAMURAI I

CAN HE DO A SAMURAI?
BILLY DOES THE BEST SAMURAI I
HAVE EVER SEEN.

BILLY DOES THE BEST SAMURAI I
HAVE EVER SEEN.
IT'S LIKE WATCHING

HAVE EVER SEEN.
IT'S LIKE WATCHING
TOSHIRO MIFUNE.

IT'S LIKE WATCHING
TOSHIRO MIFUNE.
YEAH, WELL, IMITATIONS ARE

TOSHIRO MIFUNE.
YEAH, WELL, IMITATIONS ARE
EASY.

YEAH, WELL, IMITATIONS ARE
EASY.
THEY'RE CHEAP.

EASY.
THEY'RE CHEAP.
ANYBODY CAN DO IMITATIONS.

THEY'RE CHEAP.
ANYBODY CAN DO IMITATIONS.
CAN HE ACT, JANE?

ANYBODY CAN DO IMITATIONS.
CAN HE ACT, JANE?
CAN HE ACT?

CAN HE ACT, JANE?
CAN HE ACT?
JOHN, I HAVE BEEN DOING

CAN HE ACT?
JOHN, I HAVE BEEN DOING
SCENES WITH HIM ALL WEEK, AND HE

JOHN, I HAVE BEEN DOING
SCENES WITH HIM ALL WEEK, AND HE
IS A GEM TO WORK WITH.

SCENES WITH HIM ALL WEEK, AND HE
IS A GEM TO WORK WITH.
AND, YOU KNOW, HE DOESN'T MIND

IS A GEM TO WORK WITH.
AND, YOU KNOW, HE DOESN'T MIND
BEING A BEE?

AND, YOU KNOW, HE DOESN'T MIND
BEING A BEE?
[LAUGHS]

BEING A BEE?
[LAUGHS]
HEY, JOHN, I GOT TO GO.

[LAUGHS]
HEY, JOHN, I GOT TO GO.
CALL US WHEN YOU GET BACK FROM

HEY, JOHN, I GOT TO GO.
CALL US WHEN YOU GET BACK FROM
THE HOSPITAL, OKAY, AND COME UP

CALL US WHEN YOU GET BACK FROM
THE HOSPITAL, OKAY, AND COME UP
AND VISIT US AT THE OFFICE ANY

THE HOSPITAL, OKAY, AND COME UP
AND VISIT US AT THE OFFICE ANY
TIME.

AND VISIT US AT THE OFFICE ANY
TIME.
LISTEN, DO I GET PAID FOR

TIME.
LISTEN, DO I GET PAID FOR
THIS SHOW THIS WEEK?

LISTEN, DO I GET PAID FOR
THIS SHOW THIS WEEK?
BYE, JOHN.

THIS SHOW THIS WEEK?
BYE, JOHN.
I'D LIKE TO BUY MYSELF

BYE, JOHN.
I'D LIKE TO BUY MYSELF
FLOWERS.

I'D LIKE TO BUY MYSELF
FLOWERS.
[CLEARS THROAT]

FLOWERS.
[CLEARS THROAT]
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... IN ONE

[CLEARS THROAT]
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... IN ONE
OF HIS FINAL ACTS AS COMMANDER

OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... IN ONE
OF HIS FINAL ACTS AS COMMANDER
IN CHIEF, PRESIDENT GERALD FORD

OF HIS FINAL ACTS AS COMMANDER
IN CHIEF, PRESIDENT GERALD FORD
MADE A LAST-DITCH EFFORT THIS

IN CHIEF, PRESIDENT GERALD FORD
MADE A LAST-DITCH EFFORT THIS
WEEK TO BEAUTIFY AMERICA BY

MADE A LAST-DITCH EFFORT THIS
WEEK TO BEAUTIFY AMERICA BY
STRANGLING LADYBIRD JOHNSON.

WEEK TO BEAUTIFY AMERICA BY
STRANGLING LADYBIRD JOHNSON.
IN ASPEN, COLORADO, A JURY FOUND

STRANGLING LADYBIRD JOHNSON.
IN ASPEN, COLORADO, A JURY FOUND
CLAUDINE LONGET GUILTY OF

IN ASPEN, COLORADO, A JURY FOUND
CLAUDINE LONGET GUILTY OF
"CRIMINALLY NEGLIGENT HOMICIDE,"

CLAUDINE LONGET GUILTY OF
"CRIMINALLY NEGLIGENT HOMICIDE,"
AND SENTENCING WAS SET FOR

"CRIMINALLY NEGLIGENT HOMICIDE,"
AND SENTENCING WAS SET FOR
JANUARY 31st.

AND SENTENCING WAS SET FOR
JANUARY 31st.
IF THE MAXIMUM SENTENCE IS

JANUARY 31st.
IF THE MAXIMUM SENTENCE IS
HANDED DOWN, THE FORMER WIFE OF

IF THE MAXIMUM SENTENCE IS
HANDED DOWN, THE FORMER WIFE OF
SINGER ANDY WILLIAMS COULD BE

HANDED DOWN, THE FORMER WIFE OF
SINGER ANDY WILLIAMS COULD BE
SENT UP MOON RIVER FOR TWO

SINGER ANDY WILLIAMS COULD BE
SENT UP MOON RIVER FOR TWO
YEARS.

SENT UP MOON RIVER FOR TWO
YEARS.
LAST MONTH, JIMMY CARTER CAUSED

YEARS.
LAST MONTH, JIMMY CARTER CAUSED
AN UPROAR AMONG TRADITIONALISTS

LAST MONTH, JIMMY CARTER CAUSED
AN UPROAR AMONG TRADITIONALISTS
WHEN HE SAID HE DIDN'T INTEND TO

AN UPROAR AMONG TRADITIONALISTS
WHEN HE SAID HE DIDN'T INTEND TO
WEAR THE CUSTOMARY STOVEPIPE HAT

WHEN HE SAID HE DIDN'T INTEND TO
WEAR THE CUSTOMARY STOVEPIPE HAT
TO HIS INAUGURATION.

WEAR THE CUSTOMARY STOVEPIPE HAT
TO HIS INAUGURATION.
HOWEVER, THIS WEEK, HE BOWED TO

TO HIS INAUGURATION.
HOWEVER, THIS WEEK, HE BOWED TO
THE TRADITIONALIST DEMANDS, AND

HOWEVER, THIS WEEK, HE BOWED TO
THE TRADITIONALIST DEMANDS, AND
HERE HE IS SHOWN IN HIS

THE TRADITIONALIST DEMANDS, AND
HERE HE IS SHOWN IN HIS
INAUGURATION ATTIRE, INCLUDING

HERE HE IS SHOWN IN HIS
INAUGURATION ATTIRE, INCLUDING
THE HAT.

INAUGURATION ATTIRE, INCLUDING
THE HAT.
WELL, THE INAUGURATION IS ONLY

THE HAT.
WELL, THE INAUGURATION IS ONLY
FIVE DAYS AWAY, AND AS A SPECIAL

WELL, THE INAUGURATION IS ONLY
FIVE DAYS AWAY, AND AS A SPECIAL
FEATURE, BILL MURRAY HAS A LOOK

FIVE DAYS AWAY, AND AS A SPECIAL
FEATURE, BILL MURRAY HAS A LOOK
AT OUR FUTURE FIRST LADY.

FEATURE, BILL MURRAY HAS A LOOK
AT OUR FUTURE FIRST LADY.
BILL, YOU'VE BEEN FOLLOWING

AT OUR FUTURE FIRST LADY.
BILL, YOU'VE BEEN FOLLOWING
ROSALYNN CARTER NOW FOR ABOUT

BILL, YOU'VE BEEN FOLLOWING
ROSALYNN CARTER NOW FOR ABOUT
TWO YEARS.

ROSALYNN CARTER NOW FOR ABOUT
TWO YEARS.
IS THIS RIGHT?

TWO YEARS.
IS THIS RIGHT?
FOLLOWING, INDEED, JANE.

IS THIS RIGHT?
FOLLOWING, INDEED, JANE.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]

FOLLOWING, INDEED, JANE.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
ROSALYNN CARTER IS NOT ONLY

[BOTH CHUCKLE]
ROSALYNN CARTER IS NOT ONLY
GOING TO BE A VERY DYNAMIC FIRST

ROSALYNN CARTER IS NOT ONLY
GOING TO BE A VERY DYNAMIC FIRST
LADY, BUT ALSO A VERY ATTRACTIVE

GOING TO BE A VERY DYNAMIC FIRST
LADY, BUT ALSO A VERY ATTRACTIVE
ONE.

LADY, BUT ALSO A VERY ATTRACTIVE
ONE.
HER LUSH, BRUNETTE GOOD LOOKS

ONE.
HER LUSH, BRUNETTE GOOD LOOKS
ARE SULTRY, SOUTHERN, AND

HER LUSH, BRUNETTE GOOD LOOKS
ARE SULTRY, SOUTHERN, AND
S-E-X-Y.

ARE SULTRY, SOUTHERN, AND
S-E-X-Y.
THOSE BIG, BROWN EYES AND THOSE

S-E-X-Y.
THOSE BIG, BROWN EYES AND THOSE
FULL, POUTY, POUTY LIPS BRING A

THOSE BIG, BROWN EYES AND THOSE
FULL, POUTY, POUTY LIPS BRING A
SMOLDERING SENSUALITY TO THE

FULL, POUTY, POUTY LIPS BRING A
SMOLDERING SENSUALITY TO THE
WHITE HOUSE.

SMOLDERING SENSUALITY TO THE
WHITE HOUSE.
THERE IS SOMETHING ABOUT THE

WHITE HOUSE.
THERE IS SOMETHING ABOUT THE
BACK OF A WOMAN'S LEG.

THERE IS SOMETHING ABOUT THE
BACK OF A WOMAN'S LEG.
AND IF I WERE TO LOOK IN MY

BACK OF A WOMAN'S LEG.
AND IF I WERE TO LOOK IN MY
HEART AT OUR NEW FIRST LADY'S

AND IF I WERE TO LOOK IN MY
HEART AT OUR NEW FIRST LADY'S
LEG, I WOULD SEE HER IN THE

HEART AT OUR NEW FIRST LADY'S
LEG, I WOULD SEE HER IN THE
BLACK-SEAMED STOCKINGS OF THE

LEG, I WOULD SEE HER IN THE
BLACK-SEAMED STOCKINGS OF THE
'40s THAT HAVE NEVER GONE OUT OF

BLACK-SEAMED STOCKINGS OF THE
'40s THAT HAVE NEVER GONE OUT OF
STYLE IN MY BOOK.

'40s THAT HAVE NEVER GONE OUT OF
STYLE IN MY BOOK.
I SEE THE FIRST LADY'S SEAM

STYLE IN MY BOOK.
I SEE THE FIRST LADY'S SEAM
GOING UP A NICELY-DEFINED CALF,

I SEE THE FIRST LADY'S SEAM
GOING UP A NICELY-DEFINED CALF,
UNDERNEATH THE LACE OF HER SLIP,

GOING UP A NICELY-DEFINED CALF,
UNDERNEATH THE LACE OF HER SLIP,
AND RIDING OVER THE MEATY PART

UNDERNEATH THE LACE OF HER SLIP,
AND RIDING OVER THE MEATY PART
OF THE UPPER LEG, UP AND OVER

AND RIDING OVER THE MEATY PART
OF THE UPPER LEG, UP AND OVER
THE BUTTOCK TO THE HIP.

OF THE UPPER LEG, UP AND OVER
THE BUTTOCK TO THE HIP.
TRULY A JOURNEY OF THE DAMNED

THE BUTTOCK TO THE HIP.
TRULY A JOURNEY OF THE DAMNED
AND ONE THAT THIS REPORTER MIGHT

TRULY A JOURNEY OF THE DAMNED
AND ONE THAT THIS REPORTER MIGHT
JUST BOOK PASSAGE ON.

AND ONE THAT THIS REPORTER MIGHT
JUST BOOK PASSAGE ON.
NEXT WEEK, MS. AMY CARTER.

JUST BOOK PASSAGE ON.
NEXT WEEK, MS. AMY CARTER.
BACK TO YOU, JANE.

NEXT WEEK, MS. AMY CARTER.
BACK TO YOU, JANE.
[APPLAUSE]

BACK TO YOU, JANE.
[APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU, BILL.

[APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU, BILL.
CONCERNED WITH THEIR FUTURES,

THANK YOU, BILL.
CONCERNED WITH THEIR FUTURES,
PRESIDENT FORD AND HIS ENTIRE

CONCERNED WITH THEIR FUTURES,
PRESIDENT FORD AND HIS ENTIRE
FAMILY HAS SIGNED A CONTRACT

PRESIDENT FORD AND HIS ENTIRE
FAMILY HAS SIGNED A CONTRACT
WITH THE WILLIAM MORRIS AGENCY.

FAMILY HAS SIGNED A CONTRACT
WITH THE WILLIAM MORRIS AGENCY.
THE TALENT AGENCY FEELS THAT THE

WITH THE WILLIAM MORRIS AGENCY.
THE TALENT AGENCY FEELS THAT THE
FORDS HAVE A GREAT FUTURE IN THE

THE TALENT AGENCY FEELS THAT THE
FORDS HAVE A GREAT FUTURE IN THE
ENTERTAINMENT FIELD, CLAIMING

FORDS HAVE A GREAT FUTURE IN THE
ENTERTAINMENT FIELD, CLAIMING
THAT THIS IS THE FIRST TIME TO

ENTERTAINMENT FIELD, CLAIMING
THAT THIS IS THE FIRST TIME TO
THEIR KNOWLEDGE THAT A

THAT THIS IS THE FIRST TIME TO
THEIR KNOWLEDGE THAT A
PRESIDENT'S FAMILY HAS DEVELOPED

THEIR KNOWLEDGE THAT A
PRESIDENT'S FAMILY HAS DEVELOPED
A TRAPEZE ACT.

PRESIDENT'S FAMILY HAS DEVELOPED
A TRAPEZE ACT.
THE FLYING FORDS PLAN TO

A TRAPEZE ACT.
THE FLYING FORDS PLAN TO
ENTERTAIN AT STATE FAIRS AND

THE FLYING FORDS PLAN TO
ENTERTAIN AT STATE FAIRS AND
CIRCUSES AND HOPE TO GET IT

ENTERTAIN AT STATE FAIRS AND
CIRCUSES AND HOPE TO GET IT
TOGETHER IN TIME TO BE THE

CIRCUSES AND HOPE TO GET IT
TOGETHER IN TIME TO BE THE
OPENING ACT FOR JERRY VALE AT

TOGETHER IN TIME TO BE THE
OPENING ACT FOR JERRY VALE AT
THE CONCORD HOTEL ON LABOR DAY

OPENING ACT FOR JERRY VALE AT
THE CONCORD HOTEL ON LABOR DAY
WEEKEND.

THE CONCORD HOTEL ON LABOR DAY
WEEKEND.
WELL, A LOT OLDER AND MUCH WISER

WEEKEND.
WELL, A LOT OLDER AND MUCH WISER
SINCE HER TV SERIES WAS

WELL, A LOT OLDER AND MUCH WISER
SINCE HER TV SERIES WAS
CANCELED, THE FLYING NUN NOW

SINCE HER TV SERIES WAS
CANCELED, THE FLYING NUN NOW
RESORTS TO A MORE CONSERVATIVE

CANCELED, THE FLYING NUN NOW
RESORTS TO A MORE CONSERVATIVE
MEANS OF TRANSPORTATION.

RESORTS TO A MORE CONSERVATIVE
MEANS OF TRANSPORTATION.
SAYS THE GROUNDED SISTER, "THE

MEANS OF TRANSPORTATION.
SAYS THE GROUNDED SISTER, "THE
SCOOTER IS NOT QUITE AS EXCITING

SAYS THE GROUNDED SISTER, "THE
SCOOTER IS NOT QUITE AS EXCITING
AS FLYING, BUT IT GETS ME WHERE

SCOOTER IS NOT QUITE AS EXCITING
AS FLYING, BUT IT GETS ME WHERE
I WANT TO GO, AND I'M NOT SHOT

AS FLYING, BUT IT GETS ME WHERE
I WANT TO GO, AND I'M NOT SHOT
AT BY DUCK HUNTERS AS MUCH AS I

I WANT TO GO, AND I'M NOT SHOT
AT BY DUCK HUNTERS AS MUCH AS I
USED TO BE."

AT BY DUCK HUNTERS AS MUCH AS I
USED TO BE."
SOLAR ENERGY HAS BECOME A

USED TO BE."
SOLAR ENERGY HAS BECOME A
CONTROVERSIAL ISSUE TODAY

SOLAR ENERGY HAS BECOME A
CONTROVERSIAL ISSUE TODAY
BECAUSE THE OIL INDUSTRY SEES IT

CONTROVERSIAL ISSUE TODAY
BECAUSE THE OIL INDUSTRY SEES IT
AS A THREAT TO THEIR PROFITS.

BECAUSE THE OIL INDUSTRY SEES IT
AS A THREAT TO THEIR PROFITS.
THIS WEEK, A SENATE SELECT

AS A THREAT TO THEIR PROFITS.
THIS WEEK, A SENATE SELECT
COMMITTEE ON SOLAR ENERGY HAS

THIS WEEK, A SENATE SELECT
COMMITTEE ON SOLAR ENERGY HAS
BEEN MEETING IN SECRET.

COMMITTEE ON SOLAR ENERGY HAS
BEEN MEETING IN SECRET.
AND FOR MORE ON THIS, HERE IS

BEEN MEETING IN SECRET.
AND FOR MORE ON THIS, HERE IS
LARAINE NEWMAN IN THE CAPITOL.

AND FOR MORE ON THIS, HERE IS
LARAINE NEWMAN IN THE CAPITOL.
JANE, I'M STANDING OUTSIDE

LARAINE NEWMAN IN THE CAPITOL.
JANE, I'M STANDING OUTSIDE
THE COMMITTEE ROOM, WAITING FOR

JANE, I'M STANDING OUTSIDE
THE COMMITTEE ROOM, WAITING FOR
THE SESSION TO BREAK UP.

THE COMMITTEE ROOM, WAITING FOR
THE SESSION TO BREAK UP.
I THINK IT'S ABOUT TO BREAK UP

THE SESSION TO BREAK UP.
I THINK IT'S ABOUT TO BREAK UP
NOW.

I THINK IT'S ABOUT TO BREAK UP
NOW.
OH, WE'RE IN LUCK, JANE.

NOW.
OH, WE'RE IN LUCK, JANE.
THE CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD OF

OH, WE'RE IN LUCK, JANE.
THE CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD OF
TEXXON, WHICH DOMINATES MOST OF

THE CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD OF
TEXXON, WHICH DOMINATES MOST OF
THE OIL INDUSTRY, AS YOU KNOW,

TEXXON, WHICH DOMINATES MOST OF
THE OIL INDUSTRY, AS YOU KNOW,
HAS JUST COME OUT OF THE ROOM.

THE OIL INDUSTRY, AS YOU KNOW,
HAS JUST COME OUT OF THE ROOM.
MR. RIGG, DID YOU ATTEND THE

HAS JUST COME OUT OF THE ROOM.
MR. RIGG, DID YOU ATTEND THE
COMMITTEE SESSION?

MR. RIGG, DID YOU ATTEND THE
COMMITTEE SESSION?
WELL, YES, THE SENATORS

COMMITTEE SESSION?
WELL, YES, THE SENATORS
ALWAYS ALLOW ME TO SIT IN WITH

WELL, YES, THE SENATORS
ALWAYS ALLOW ME TO SIT IN WITH
THEM AT THEIR SESSIONS.

ALWAYS ALLOW ME TO SIT IN WITH
THEM AT THEIR SESSIONS.
WELL, WHAT HAPPENED IN THERE?

THEM AT THEIR SESSIONS.
WELL, WHAT HAPPENED IN THERE?
WE... THAT IS, THE TEXXON

WELL, WHAT HAPPENED IN THERE?
WE... THAT IS, THE TEXXON
CORPORATION... SAID THAT WE'D

WE... THAT IS, THE TEXXON
CORPORATION... SAID THAT WE'D
BE GLAD TO GO ALONG WITH THE

CORPORATION... SAID THAT WE'D
BE GLAD TO GO ALONG WITH THE
SOLAR ENERGY PROGRAM IF THE

BE GLAD TO GO ALONG WITH THE
SOLAR ENERGY PROGRAM IF THE
COMMITTEE WOULD ONLY MAKE THREE

SOLAR ENERGY PROGRAM IF THE
COMMITTEE WOULD ONLY MAKE THREE
MINOR CONCESSIONS TO PROTECT OUR

COMMITTEE WOULD ONLY MAKE THREE
MINOR CONCESSIONS TO PROTECT OUR
INVESTMENT.

MINOR CONCESSIONS TO PROTECT OUR
INVESTMENT.
I SEE.

INVESTMENT.
I SEE.
AND WHAT WERE THOSE CONCESSIONS?

I SEE.
AND WHAT WERE THOSE CONCESSIONS?
TEXXON THINKS IT, FIRST,

AND WHAT WERE THOSE CONCESSIONS?
TEXXON THINKS IT, FIRST,
SHOULD OWN THE SUN.

TEXXON THINKS IT, FIRST,
SHOULD OWN THE SUN.
I SEE.

SHOULD OWN THE SUN.
I SEE.
WE ALSO NEED A SOLAR

I SEE.
WE ALSO NEED A SOLAR
DEPLETION TAX ALLOWANCE, SINCE

WE ALSO NEED A SOLAR
DEPLETION TAX ALLOWANCE, SINCE
THE SUN DEPRECIATES OVER TIME.

DEPLETION TAX ALLOWANCE, SINCE
THE SUN DEPRECIATES OVER TIME.
THAT'S TWO.

THE SUN DEPRECIATES OVER TIME.
THAT'S TWO.
AND THE THIRD?

THAT'S TWO.
AND THE THIRD?
AND TEXXON MUST HAVE THE

AND THE THIRD?
AND TEXXON MUST HAVE THE
RIGHT TO ORDER ITS PRICES RAISED

AND TEXXON MUST HAVE THE
RIGHT TO ORDER ITS PRICES RAISED
WHENEVER THERE IS AN ECLIPSE.

RIGHT TO ORDER ITS PRICES RAISED
WHENEVER THERE IS AN ECLIPSE.
THANK YOU.

WHENEVER THERE IS AN ECLIPSE.
THANK YOU.
WHAT NEXT, MR. RIGG?

THANK YOU.
WHAT NEXT, MR. RIGG?
TEXXON IS ABOUT TO CONSUME

WHAT NEXT, MR. RIGG?
TEXXON IS ABOUT TO CONSUME
ALL AMERICAN SOLAR, COAL, OIL,

TEXXON IS ABOUT TO CONSUME
ALL AMERICAN SOLAR, COAL, OIL,
GAS, GEOTHERMAL FIRMS.

ALL AMERICAN SOLAR, COAL, OIL,
GAS, GEOTHERMAL FIRMS.
MONOPOLY IS PATRIOTIC!

GAS, GEOTHERMAL FIRMS.
MONOPOLY IS PATRIOTIC!
UH... THANK YOU.

MONOPOLY IS PATRIOTIC!
UH... THANK YOU.
THIS IS LARAINE NEWMAN IN THE

UH... THANK YOU.
THIS IS LARAINE NEWMAN IN THE
CAPITOL BUILDING IN WASHINGTON.

THIS IS LARAINE NEWMAN IN THE
CAPITOL BUILDING IN WASHINGTON.
[APPLAUSE]

CAPITOL BUILDING IN WASHINGTON.
[APPLAUSE]
PRESIDENT-ELECT CARTER PUT

[APPLAUSE]
PRESIDENT-ELECT CARTER PUT
HIS FINANCIAL HOLDINGS IN A

PRESIDENT-ELECT CARTER PUT
HIS FINANCIAL HOLDINGS IN A
BLIND TRUST AND OUTLINED A CODE

HIS FINANCIAL HOLDINGS IN A
BLIND TRUST AND OUTLINED A CODE
OF ETHICS FOR HIS CABINET

BLIND TRUST AND OUTLINED A CODE
OF ETHICS FOR HIS CABINET
MEMBERS TO FOLLOW TO AVOID

OF ETHICS FOR HIS CABINET
MEMBERS TO FOLLOW TO AVOID
CONFLICTS OF INTEREST.

MEMBERS TO FOLLOW TO AVOID
CONFLICTS OF INTEREST.
HERE HIS SECRETARY OF

CONFLICTS OF INTEREST.
HERE HIS SECRETARY OF
TRANSPORTATION-DESIGNATE

HERE HIS SECRETARY OF
TRANSPORTATION-DESIGNATE
BROCK ADAMS TELLS THE SENATE

TRANSPORTATION-DESIGNATE
BROCK ADAMS TELLS THE SENATE
COMMERCE COMMITTEE HE WILL STOP

BROCK ADAMS TELLS THE SENATE
COMMERCE COMMITTEE HE WILL STOP
RENTING OUT HIS HUGE FOREHEAD AS

COMMERCE COMMITTEE HE WILL STOP
RENTING OUT HIS HUGE FOREHEAD AS
A BILLBOARD.

RENTING OUT HIS HUGE FOREHEAD AS
A BILLBOARD.
IN RESPONSE TO COMPLAINTS ABOUT

A BILLBOARD.
IN RESPONSE TO COMPLAINTS ABOUT
THE OFFICIATING IN THIS YEAR'S

IN RESPONSE TO COMPLAINTS ABOUT
THE OFFICIATING IN THIS YEAR'S
NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE SEASON,

THE OFFICIATING IN THIS YEAR'S
NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE SEASON,
COMMISSIONER PETE ROZELLE

NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE SEASON,
COMMISSIONER PETE ROZELLE
ANNOUNCED THE FORMATION OF AN

COMMISSIONER PETE ROZELLE
ANNOUNCED THE FORMATION OF AN
NFL-SPONSORED 20-YEAR

ANNOUNCED THE FORMATION OF AN
NFL-SPONSORED 20-YEAR
OFFICIATING PROGRAM THAT STARTS

NFL-SPONSORED 20-YEAR
OFFICIATING PROGRAM THAT STARTS
ASPIRING OFFICIALS AT AN EARLY

OFFICIATING PROGRAM THAT STARTS
ASPIRING OFFICIALS AT AN EARLY
AGE.

ASPIRING OFFICIALS AT AN EARLY
AGE.
DOOMED SLAYER GARY GILMORE HAS

AGE.
DOOMED SLAYER GARY GILMORE HAS
TAKEN A CUE FROM PRESIDENT-ELECT

DOOMED SLAYER GARY GILMORE HAS
TAKEN A CUE FROM PRESIDENT-ELECT
CARTER AND IS INVITING ALL OF

TAKEN A CUE FROM PRESIDENT-ELECT
CARTER AND IS INVITING ALL OF
AMERICA TO THE UTAH STATE PRISON

CARTER AND IS INVITING ALL OF
AMERICA TO THE UTAH STATE PRISON
ON MONDAY FOR WHAT HE IS CALLING

AMERICA TO THE UTAH STATE PRISON
ON MONDAY FOR WHAT HE IS CALLING
A PEOPLE'S EXECUTION.

ON MONDAY FOR WHAT HE IS CALLING
A PEOPLE'S EXECUTION.
THERE WILL BE A PRE-EXECUTION

A PEOPLE'S EXECUTION.
THERE WILL BE A PRE-EXECUTION
GALA CONCERT AND, FOLLOWING

THERE WILL BE A PRE-EXECUTION
GALA CONCERT AND, FOLLOWING
GILMORE'S DEATH BY FIRING SQUAD,

GALA CONCERT AND, FOLLOWING
GILMORE'S DEATH BY FIRING SQUAD,
THERE WILL BE A SERIES OF

GILMORE'S DEATH BY FIRING SQUAD,
THERE WILL BE A SERIES OF
POST-EXECUTION BALLS AND

THERE WILL BE A SERIES OF
POST-EXECUTION BALLS AND
RECEPTIONS.

POST-EXECUTION BALLS AND
RECEPTIONS.
GILMORE WILL NOT ATTEND THE

RECEPTIONS.
GILMORE WILL NOT ATTEND THE
LATTER.

GILMORE WILL NOT ATTEND THE
LATTER.
AND NOW, A NEW ADDITION TO OUR

LATTER.
AND NOW, A NEW ADDITION TO OUR
"UPDATE" TEAM IS CORRESPONDENT

AND NOW, A NEW ADDITION TO OUR
"UPDATE" TEAM IS CORRESPONDENT
EMILY LITELLA WITH TONIGHT'S

"UPDATE" TEAM IS CORRESPONDENT
EMILY LITELLA WITH TONIGHT'S
COMMENTARY.

EMILY LITELLA WITH TONIGHT'S
COMMENTARY.
WELL, MISS LITELLA...

COMMENTARY.
WELL, MISS LITELLA...
[APPLAUSE]

WELL, MISS LITELLA...
[APPLAUSE]
YOU'VE BADGERED US ALL FOR A

[APPLAUSE]
YOU'VE BADGERED US ALL FOR A
LONG TIME, AND NOW YOU HAVE A

YOU'VE BADGERED US ALL FOR A
LONG TIME, AND NOW YOU HAVE A
JOB.

LONG TIME, AND NOW YOU HAVE A
JOB.
WELCOME.

JOB.
WELCOME.
OH, WELL, THANK YOU, JANE.

WELCOME.
OH, WELL, THANK YOU, JANE.
IT'S VERY LOVELY TO BE PART OF

OH, WELL, THANK YOU, JANE.
IT'S VERY LOVELY TO BE PART OF
A NEWS TEAM.

IT'S VERY LOVELY TO BE PART OF
A NEWS TEAM.
AH, TONIGHT'S COMMENTARY IS VERY

A NEWS TEAM.
AH, TONIGHT'S COMMENTARY IS VERY
IMPORTANT BECAUSE I HEAR THAT

AH, TONIGHT'S COMMENTARY IS VERY
IMPORTANT BECAUSE I HEAR THAT
PRESIDENT FORD WANTS TO MAKE

IMPORTANT BECAUSE I HEAR THAT
PRESIDENT FORD WANTS TO MAKE
PUERTO RICO A STEAK!

PRESIDENT FORD WANTS TO MAKE
PUERTO RICO A STEAK!
NOW, WHY DOES HE HAVE TO MAKE

PUERTO RICO A STEAK!
NOW, WHY DOES HE HAVE TO MAKE
THEM A STEAK?

NOW, WHY DOES HE HAVE TO MAKE
THEM A STEAK?
I DIDN'T THINK THOSE PEOPLE EVEN

THEM A STEAK?
I DIDN'T THINK THOSE PEOPLE EVEN
LIKED MEAT.

NOW, LET ME WARN ALL OF YOU.

IF YOU MAKE PUERTO RICO A STEAK,

THE NEXT THING THEY'LL WANT IS A

BAKED POTATO WITH SOUR CREAM AND

CHIVES AND LITTLE TINY BACON

BITS AND PIECES OF TOAST, AND

THEN THEY'LL PROBABLY WANT A

SALAD BAR!

WHY, THEY'LL BE LINED UP FOR

MILES!

IF PRESIDENT FORD WANTS TO BE

REMEMBERED AS A GREAT PRESIDENT

IN HIS FINAL DAYS, HE SHOULD DO

SOMETHING ABOUT THE PRICE OF

COFFEE, NOT STEAK!

IT'S OUTRAGEOUS!
I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT THAT MAN
IS DOING!

I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT THAT MAN
IS DOING!
WHAT? WHAT?

IS DOING!
WHAT? WHAT?
MISS LITELLA, YOU'VE DONE IT

WHAT? WHAT?
MISS LITELLA, YOU'VE DONE IT
AGAIN.

MISS LITELLA, YOU'VE DONE IT
AGAIN.
THAT'S NOT "STEAK."

AGAIN.
THAT'S NOT "STEAK."
PRESIDENT FORD WANTS TO MAKE

THAT'S NOT "STEAK."
PRESIDENT FORD WANTS TO MAKE
PUERTO RICO A STATE.

PRESIDENT FORD WANTS TO MAKE
PUERTO RICO A STATE.
NOT A STEAK... A STATE.

PUERTO RICO A STATE.
NOT A STEAK... A STATE.
OH.

NOT A STEAK... A STATE.
OH.
WELL, I'M SORRY.

OH.
WELL, I'M SORRY.
NEVER MIND.

WELL, I'M SORRY.
NEVER MIND.
[APPLAUSE]

NEVER MIND.
[APPLAUSE]
MISS LITELLA, LET'S GET

[APPLAUSE]
MISS LITELLA, LET'S GET
SOMETHING STRAIGHT.

MISS LITELLA, LET'S GET
SOMETHING STRAIGHT.
WE'VE PUT UP WITH YOUR SLIGHT

SOMETHING STRAIGHT.
WE'VE PUT UP WITH YOUR SLIGHT
HEARING IMPAIRMENT FOR A LONG

WE'VE PUT UP WITH YOUR SLIGHT
HEARING IMPAIRMENT FOR A LONG
TIME NOW, AND IN THE BEGINNING,

HEARING IMPAIRMENT FOR A LONG
TIME NOW, AND IN THE BEGINNING,
IT WAS CUTE.

TIME NOW, AND IN THE BEGINNING,
IT WAS CUTE.
BUT NOW YOU'RE PART OF A NEWS

IT WAS CUTE.
BUT NOW YOU'RE PART OF A NEWS
TEAM, AND WE LIKE TO REPORT THE

BUT NOW YOU'RE PART OF A NEWS
TEAM, AND WE LIKE TO REPORT THE
NEWS ACCURATELY.

TEAM, AND WE LIKE TO REPORT THE
NEWS ACCURATELY.
NOW, IF YOU DON'T REPORT THE

NEWS ACCURATELY.
NOW, IF YOU DON'T REPORT THE
NEWS ACCURATELY, WE'LL HAVE TO

NOW, IF YOU DON'T REPORT THE
NEWS ACCURATELY, WE'LL HAVE TO
LET YOU GO.

NEWS ACCURATELY, WE'LL HAVE TO
LET YOU GO.
NO JOB IS PERMANENT.

LET YOU GO.
NO JOB IS PERMANENT.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

NO JOB IS PERMANENT.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?
OH, YES, YES, I DO.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?
OH, YES, YES, I DO.
I WILL CERTAINLY DO MY BEST.

OH, YES, YES, I DO.
I WILL CERTAINLY DO MY BEST.
I'LL TRY TO DO BETTER.

I WILL CERTAINLY DO MY BEST.
I'LL TRY TO DO BETTER.
PLEASE DO.

I'LL TRY TO DO BETTER.
PLEASE DO.
BITCH!

PLEASE DO.
BITCH!
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THAT'S OUR NEWS FOR TONIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A PLEASANT
TOMORROW.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
ANDY KAUFMAN.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[Foreign accent] THERE WAS
TWO PENGUINS ON DE PIECE OF ICE,
AND THEY LOVE EACH OTHER VERY

TWO PENGUINS ON DE PIECE OF ICE,
AND THEY LOVE EACH OTHER VERY
MUCH.

AND THEY LOVE EACH OTHER VERY
MUCH.
SO, UH, ONE... ONE DAY, DE ICE

MUCH.
SO, UH, ONE... ONE DAY, DE ICE
IS BROKEN, AND SO THE TWO

SO, UH, ONE... ONE DAY, DE ICE
IS BROKEN, AND SO THE TWO
PENGUINS CRY... THEY ARE

IS BROKEN, AND SO THE TWO
PENGUINS CRY... THEY ARE
CRYING... BECAUSE THEY NEVER TO

PENGUINS CRY... THEY ARE
CRYING... BECAUSE THEY NEVER TO
SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN.

CRYING... BECAUSE THEY NEVER TO
SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN.
SO, THEY GO AWAY, YOU KNOW, AWAY

SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN.
SO, THEY GO AWAY, YOU KNOW, AWAY
FROM EACH OTHER.

SO, THEY GO AWAY, YOU KNOW, AWAY
FROM EACH OTHER.
AND ONE DAY, THEY... TO SEE EACH

FROM EACH OTHER.
AND ONE DAY, THEY... TO SEE EACH
OTHER.

AND ONE DAY, THEY... TO SEE EACH
OTHER.
SO, THEY GET CLOSER AND CLOSER,

OTHER.
SO, THEY GET CLOSER AND CLOSER,
AND ONE OF THEM SAY...

SO, THEY GET CLOSER AND CLOSER,
AND ONE OF THEM SAY...
[SQUAWKS INDISTINCTLY]

AND ONE OF THEM SAY...
[SQUAWKS INDISTINCTLY]
YOU KNOW, BECAUSE THEY NEVER SEE

[SQUAWKS INDISTINCTLY]
YOU KNOW, BECAUSE THEY NEVER SEE
EACH OTHER AGAIN.

YOU KNOW, BECAUSE THEY NEVER SEE
EACH OTHER AGAIN.
[CHUCKLES]

EACH OTHER AGAIN.
[CHUCKLES]
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

[CHUCKLES]
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
[APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
[APPLAUSE]
RIGHT NOW, I WOULD LIKE TO DO

[APPLAUSE]
RIGHT NOW, I WOULD LIKE TO DO
SOME IMITATIONS FOR YOU.

RIGHT NOW, I WOULD LIKE TO DO
SOME IMITATIONS FOR YOU.
SO, FIRST, I WOULD LIKE TO

SOME IMITATIONS FOR YOU.
SO, FIRST, I WOULD LIKE TO
IMITATE MISTER CARTER, DE

SO, FIRST, I WOULD LIKE TO
IMITATE MISTER CARTER, DE
PRESIDENT OF DE UNITED STATES.

IMITATE MISTER CARTER, DE
PRESIDENT OF DE UNITED STATES.
"HELLO, I AM MISTER CARTER, DE

PRESIDENT OF DE UNITED STATES.
"HELLO, I AM MISTER CARTER, DE
PRESIDENT OF DE UNITED STATES."

"HELLO, I AM MISTER CARTER, DE
PRESIDENT OF DE UNITED STATES."
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

PRESIDENT OF DE UNITED STATES."
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
[APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
[APPLAUSE]
NOW I WOULD LIKE TO IMITATE, UH,

[APPLAUSE]
NOW I WOULD LIKE TO IMITATE, UH,
MY AUNT ESTHER.

NOW I WOULD LIKE TO IMITATE, UH,
MY AUNT ESTHER.
"YOU COME INTO THE HOUSE RIGHT

MY AUNT ESTHER.
"YOU COME INTO THE HOUSE RIGHT
NOW, PUT ON YOUR COAT, AND EAT

"YOU COME INTO THE HOUSE RIGHT
NOW, PUT ON YOUR COAT, AND EAT
EVERYTHING IS ON YOUR PLATE!"

NOW, PUT ON YOUR COAT, AND EAT
EVERYTHING IS ON YOUR PLATE!"
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

EVERYTHING IS ON YOUR PLATE!"
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
[APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
[APPLAUSE]
AND NOW, LAST BUT NOT TO BE THE

[APPLAUSE]
AND NOW, LAST BUT NOT TO BE THE
LEAST, I W-WOULD LIKE TO IMITATE

AND NOW, LAST BUT NOT TO BE THE
LEAST, I W-WOULD LIKE TO IMITATE
THE ELVIS PRESLEY.

LEAST, I W-WOULD LIKE TO IMITATE
THE ELVIS PRESLEY.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THE ELVIS PRESLEY.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
["ALSO SPRACH ZARATHUSTRA"

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
["ALSO SPRACH ZARATHUSTRA"
PLAYING]

[DRIVING DRUMBEAT PLAYING]
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC STOPS]
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
[Imitating Elvis Presley]

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
[Imitating Elvis Presley]
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

[Imitating Elvis Presley]
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
[PIANO PLAYS SOFTLY]

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
[PIANO PLAYS SOFTLY]
♪ TREAT ME LIKE A FOOL ♪

[PIANO PLAYS SOFTLY]
♪ TREAT ME LIKE A FOOL ♪
♪ TREAT ME MEAN AND CRUEL ♪

♪ TREAT ME LIKE A FOOL ♪
♪ TREAT ME MEAN AND CRUEL ♪
♪ BUT LOVE ME ♪

♪ TREAT ME MEAN AND CRUEL ♪
♪ BUT LOVE ME ♪
♪ WRING MY FAITHFUL HEART ♪

♪ BUT LOVE ME ♪
♪ WRING MY FAITHFUL HEART ♪
♪ TEAR IT ALL APART ♪

♪ WRING MY FAITHFUL HEART ♪
♪ TEAR IT ALL APART ♪
♪ BUT LOVE ME ♪

♪ TEAR IT ALL APART ♪
♪ BUT LOVE ME ♪
♪ IF YOU EVER GO, DARLING, I'LL

♪ BUT LOVE ME ♪
♪ IF YOU EVER GO, DARLING, I'LL
BE, OH, SO LONELY ♪

♪ IF YOU EVER GO, DARLING, I'LL
BE, OH, SO LONELY ♪
♪ I'LL BE SAD AND BLUE ♪

BE, OH, SO LONELY ♪
♪ I'LL BE SAD AND BLUE ♪
♪ CRYING OVER YOU ♪

♪ I'LL BE SAD AND BLUE ♪
♪ CRYING OVER YOU ♪
♪ DEAR ONLY ♪

♪ CRYING OVER YOU ♪
♪ DEAR ONLY ♪
♪ I WOULD BEG AND STEAL ♪

♪ DEAR ONLY ♪
♪ I WOULD BEG AND STEAL ♪
♪ JUST TO FEEL ♪

♪ I WOULD BEG AND STEAL ♪
♪ JUST TO FEEL ♪
[SNORTS]

♪ JUST TO FEEL ♪
[SNORTS]
♪ YOUR HEART ♪

[SNORTS]
♪ YOUR HEART ♪
♪ BEATING CLOSE TO MINE ♪

♪ YOUR HEART ♪
♪ BEATING CLOSE TO MINE ♪
♪ IF YOU EVER GO, DARLING, I'LL

♪ BEATING CLOSE TO MINE ♪
♪ IF YOU EVER GO, DARLING, I'LL
BE, OH, SO LONELY ♪

♪ IF YOU EVER GO, DARLING, I'LL
BE, OH, SO LONELY ♪
♪ BEGGING ON KNEES ♪

BE, OH, SO LONELY ♪
♪ BEGGING ON KNEES ♪
♪ ALL I ASK IS, PLEASE, PLEASE

♪ BEGGING ON KNEES ♪
♪ ALL I ASK IS, PLEASE, PLEASE
LOVE ME ♪

♪ ALL I ASK IS, PLEASE, PLEASE
LOVE ME ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪

LOVE ME ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
[MUSIC CONCLUDES]

♪ OH, YEAH ♪
[MUSIC CONCLUDES]
[APPLAUSE, WOMEN SCREAMING]

[WHISTLING, SCREAMING]

ALL RIGHT
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
YOU CAN ALL JUST STARE AT ME

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
YOU CAN ALL JUST STARE AT ME
WHILE I CATCH MY BREATH.

YOU CAN ALL JUST STARE AT ME
WHILE I CATCH MY BREATH.
I'D LIKE TO DO ONE OF MY BIGGEST

WHILE I CATCH MY BREATH.
I'D LIKE TO DO ONE OF MY BIGGEST
RECORDS FOR YOU.

I'D LIKE TO DO ONE OF MY BIGGEST
RECORDS FOR YOU.
OF COURSE, ALL OF THEM ARE THE

RECORDS FOR YOU.
OF COURSE, ALL OF THEM ARE THE
SAME SIZE.

OF COURSE, ALL OF THEM ARE THE
SAME SIZE.
ONE OF THE FIRST SONGS I EVER

SAME SIZE.
ONE OF THE FIRST SONGS I EVER
RECORDED, BACK IN 1927, I THINK

ONE OF THE FIRST SONGS I EVER
RECORDED, BACK IN 1927, I THINK
IT WAS, WENT SOMETHING LIKE

RECORDED, BACK IN 1927, I THINK
IT WAS, WENT SOMETHING LIKE
THIS.

IT WAS, WENT SOMETHING LIKE
THIS.
WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.

THIS.
WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.
SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY LIP.

WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.
SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY LIP.
[LAUGHTER]

SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY LIP.
[LAUGHTER]
♪ WELL, IT'S ONE FOR THE MONEY ♪

[LAUGHTER]
♪ WELL, IT'S ONE FOR THE MONEY ♪
♪ TWO FOR THE SHOW ♪

♪ WELL, IT'S ONE FOR THE MONEY ♪
♪ TWO FOR THE SHOW ♪
♪ THREE TO GET READY ♪

♪ TWO FOR THE SHOW ♪
♪ THREE TO GET READY ♪
♪ NOW, GO, CAT, GO ♪

♪ THREE TO GET READY ♪
♪ NOW, GO, CAT, GO ♪
♪ BUT DON'T YOU STEP ON MY BLUE

♪ NOW, GO, CAT, GO ♪
♪ BUT DON'T YOU STEP ON MY BLUE
SUEDE SHOES ♪

♪ BUT DON'T YOU STEP ON MY BLUE
SUEDE SHOES ♪
♪ WELL, YOU CAN DO ANYTHING, BUT

SUEDE SHOES ♪
♪ WELL, YOU CAN DO ANYTHING, BUT
LAY OFF OF MY BLUE SUEDE SHOES ♪

♪ WELL, YOU CAN DO ANYTHING, BUT
LAY OFF OF MY BLUE SUEDE SHOES ♪
LET'S GO, CATS!

LAY OFF OF MY BLUE SUEDE SHOES ♪
LET'S GO, CATS!
[SWINGING ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]

♪ WELL, IT'S ONE FOR THE MONEY ♪
♪ TWO FOR THE SHOW ♪
♪ THREE TO GET READY ♪

♪ TWO FOR THE SHOW ♪
♪ THREE TO GET READY ♪
♪ NOW, GO, GO, GO ♪

♪ THREE TO GET READY ♪
♪ NOW, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ BUT DON'T YOU STEP ON MY BLUE

♪ NOW, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ BUT DON'T YOU STEP ON MY BLUE
SUEDE SHOES ♪

♪ BUT DON'T YOU STEP ON MY BLUE
SUEDE SHOES ♪
♪ WELL, YOU CAN DO ANYTHING, BUT

SUEDE SHOES ♪
♪ WELL, YOU CAN DO ANYTHING, BUT
LAY OFF OF MY BLUE SUEDE SHOES ♪

♪ WELL, YOU CAN DO ANYTHING, BUT
LAY OFF OF MY BLUE SUEDE SHOES ♪
♪ WELL, IT'S A ♪

LAY OFF OF MY BLUE SUEDE SHOES ♪
♪ WELL, IT'S A ♪
♪ BLUE BLUE ♪

♪ WELL, IT'S A ♪
♪ BLUE BLUE ♪
♪ BLUE SUEDE SHOES ♪

♪ BLUE BLUE ♪
♪ BLUE SUEDE SHOES ♪
♪ BLUE BLUE ♪

♪ BLUE SUEDE SHOES ♪
♪ BLUE BLUE ♪
♪ BLUE SUEDE SHOES, YEAH! ♪

♪ BLUE BLUE ♪
♪ BLUE SUEDE SHOES, YEAH! ♪
♪ BLUE BLUE ♪

♪ BLUE SUEDE SHOES, YEAH! ♪
♪ BLUE BLUE ♪
♪ BLUE SUEDE SHOES, BABY! ♪

♪ BLUE BLUE ♪
♪ BLUE SUEDE SHOES, BABY! ♪
♪ BLUE BLUE ♪

♪ BLUE SUEDE SHOES, BABY! ♪
♪ BLUE BLUE ♪
♪ BLUE SUEDE SHOES ♪

♪ BLUE BLUE ♪
♪ BLUE SUEDE SHOES ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO ANYTHING, BUT LAY

♪ BLUE SUEDE SHOES ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO ANYTHING, BUT LAY
OFF OF MY BLUE SUEDE SHOES ♪

♪ YOU CAN DO ANYTHING, BUT LAY
OFF OF MY BLUE SUEDE SHOES ♪
ALL RIGHT!

OFF OF MY BLUE SUEDE SHOES ♪
ALL RIGHT!
[MUSIC CONCLUDES]

ALL RIGHT!
[MUSIC CONCLUDES]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[WHISTLING, WOMEN SCREAMING]

[Foreign accent] THANK YOU
VERY MUCH.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

VERY MUCH.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
COULD I PLEASE HAVE MY... MY

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
COULD I PLEASE HAVE MY... MY
THING BACK?

COULD I PLEASE HAVE MY... MY
THING BACK?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[DOORBELL RINGS]
MR. NADER.
CALL ME "RALPH."

MR. NADER.
CALL ME "RALPH."
HI, I'M BURT INGERSOLL OF

CALL ME "RALPH."
HI, I'M BURT INGERSOLL OF
CHANGING TIMES MAGAZINE.

HI, I'M BURT INGERSOLL OF
CHANGING TIMES MAGAZINE.
IT'S SO GOOD OF YOU TO GIVE US

CHANGING TIMES MAGAZINE.
IT'S SO GOOD OF YOU TO GIVE US
THIS INTERVIEW, MAN.

IT'S SO GOOD OF YOU TO GIVE US
THIS INTERVIEW, MAN.
COME ON IN, BURT.

THIS INTERVIEW, MAN.
COME ON IN, BURT.
LET ME TAKE YOUR COAT.

COME ON IN, BURT.
LET ME TAKE YOUR COAT.
YEAH, BETTER CLOSE THE DOOR,

LET ME TAKE YOUR COAT.
YEAH, BETTER CLOSE THE DOOR,
THERE.

YEAH, BETTER CLOSE THE DOOR,
THERE.
CLOSE YOUR DOOR, THERE.

THERE.
CLOSE YOUR DOOR, THERE.
DRAFT.

CLOSE YOUR DOOR, THERE.
DRAFT.
ENERGY WASTE.

DRAFT.
ENERGY WASTE.
BURT, I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU

ENERGY WASTE.
BURT, I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU
TO PAM, AND I'D LIKE TO

BURT, I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU
TO PAM, AND I'D LIKE TO
INTRODUCE YOU TO RITA.

TO PAM, AND I'D LIKE TO
INTRODUCE YOU TO RITA.
RITA'S BEEN NAUGHTY THIS

INTRODUCE YOU TO RITA.
RITA'S BEEN NAUGHTY THIS
AFTERNOON, SO SHE HAS TO SIT

RITA'S BEEN NAUGHTY THIS
AFTERNOON, SO SHE HAS TO SIT
BACKWARDS.

AFTERNOON, SO SHE HAS TO SIT
BACKWARDS.
WOULD YOU, UH, LIKE A DRINK?

BACKWARDS.
WOULD YOU, UH, LIKE A DRINK?
WHATEVER YOU GOT AND STRAIGHT

WOULD YOU, UH, LIKE A DRINK?
WHATEVER YOU GOT AND STRAIGHT
UP.

WHATEVER YOU GOT AND STRAIGHT
UP.
YOU UNDERSTAND THESE DOLLS

UP.
YOU UNDERSTAND THESE DOLLS
ARE ALL PART OF SOME EXPERIMENTS

YOU UNDERSTAND THESE DOLLS
ARE ALL PART OF SOME EXPERIMENTS
I'M RUNNING.

ARE ALL PART OF SOME EXPERIMENTS
I'M RUNNING.
HOW ABOUT A DRINK FOR YOU, PAM?

I'M RUNNING.
HOW ABOUT A DRINK FOR YOU, PAM?
UH...

HOW ABOUT A DRINK FOR YOU, PAM?
UH...
ARE YOU TESTING THESE DOLLS,

UH...
ARE YOU TESTING THESE DOLLS,
MR. NADER?

ARE YOU TESTING THESE DOLLS,
MR. NADER?
OF COURSE I'M TESTING THESE

MR. NADER?
OF COURSE I'M TESTING THESE
DOLLS.

OF COURSE I'M TESTING THESE
DOLLS.
I'M TESTING THEM FOR FLAME

DOLLS.
I'M TESTING THEM FOR FLAME
RETARDANCE.

I'M TESTING THEM FOR FLAME
RETARDANCE.
I'M TESTING THEM FOR DEFECTIVE

RETARDANCE.
I'M TESTING THEM FOR DEFECTIVE
SEAMS, TESTING THEM FOR UNIFORM

I'M TESTING THEM FOR DEFECTIVE
SEAMS, TESTING THEM FOR UNIFORM
AIR PRESSURE, SURFACE

SEAMS, TESTING THEM FOR UNIFORM
AIR PRESSURE, SURFACE
IRREGULARITIES, QUALITY CONTROL,

AIR PRESSURE, SURFACE
IRREGULARITIES, QUALITY CONTROL,
COLOR RETENTION, PIGMENT

IRREGULARITIES, QUALITY CONTROL,
COLOR RETENTION, PIGMENT
TOXICITY, EFFUSION RATES,

COLOR RETENTION, PIGMENT
TOXICITY, EFFUSION RATES,
CONVECTION RATES, UH...

TOXICITY, EFFUSION RATES,
CONVECTION RATES, UH...
HERE'S YOUR GLASS OF WINE.

CONVECTION RATES, UH...
HERE'S YOUR GLASS OF WINE.
I GET SO EXCITED.

HERE'S YOUR GLASS OF WINE.
I GET SO EXCITED.
AND HERE'S YOUR SWEET VERMOUTH,

I GET SO EXCITED.
AND HERE'S YOUR SWEET VERMOUTH,
PAM.

AND HERE'S YOUR SWEET VERMOUTH,
PAM.
THAT, FOR INSTANCE, WAS A TEST

PAM.
THAT, FOR INSTANCE, WAS A TEST
FOR HIGH-IMPACT MOISTURE

THAT, FOR INSTANCE, WAS A TEST
FOR HIGH-IMPACT MOISTURE
RESISTANCE.

FOR HIGH-IMPACT MOISTURE
RESISTANCE.
YOU SEE, I HOPE TO EXPLORE AREAS

RESISTANCE.
YOU SEE, I HOPE TO EXPLORE AREAS
OF CONSUMER PROTECTION WHICH

YOU SEE, I HOPE TO EXPLORE AREAS
OF CONSUMER PROTECTION WHICH
HAVE HITHERTO BEEN IGNORED FOR

OF CONSUMER PROTECTION WHICH
HAVE HITHERTO BEEN IGNORED FOR
REASONS OF TASTE OR PUBLIC

HAVE HITHERTO BEEN IGNORED FOR
REASONS OF TASTE OR PUBLIC
INDIFFERENCE.

REASONS OF TASTE OR PUBLIC
INDIFFERENCE.
AND YOU CHOSE INFLATABLE

INDIFFERENCE.
AND YOU CHOSE INFLATABLE
PARTY DOLLS.

AND YOU CHOSE INFLATABLE
PARTY DOLLS.
EXACTLY.

PARTY DOLLS.
EXACTLY.
WHAT COULD BE MORE NATURAL THAN

EXACTLY.
WHAT COULD BE MORE NATURAL THAN
TO EXTEND MY INVESTIGATION OF

WHAT COULD BE MORE NATURAL THAN
TO EXTEND MY INVESTIGATION OF
AIR BAGS TO INCLUDE INFLATABLE

TO EXTEND MY INVESTIGATION OF
AIR BAGS TO INCLUDE INFLATABLE
PARTY DOLLS?

AIR BAGS TO INCLUDE INFLATABLE
PARTY DOLLS?
UH-HUH.

PARTY DOLLS?
UH-HUH.
EXCUSE ME.

UH-HUH.
EXCUSE ME.
RITA HAD BETTER SIT UP

EXCUSE ME.
RITA HAD BETTER SIT UP
STRAIGHTER.

RITA HAD BETTER SIT UP
STRAIGHTER.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO

STRAIGHTER.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO
YVONNE?

DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO
YVONNE?
YVONNE GOT NAILED TO THE DOOR.

YVONNE?
YVONNE GOT NAILED TO THE DOOR.
YVONNE FAILED THE NAIL TEST,

YVONNE GOT NAILED TO THE DOOR.
YVONNE FAILED THE NAIL TEST,
DIDN'T SHE?

YVONNE FAILED THE NAIL TEST,
DIDN'T SHE?
UH, YOU SAID "FAILED THE NAIL

DIDN'T SHE?
UH, YOU SAID "FAILED THE NAIL
TEST"?

UH, YOU SAID "FAILED THE NAIL
TEST"?
I'M SURE YOU REALIZE "THE

TEST"?
I'M SURE YOU REALIZE "THE
NAIL TEST" IS A CODE NAME FOR

I'M SURE YOU REALIZE "THE
NAIL TEST" IS A CODE NAME FOR
CERTAIN ANALYTIC PROCEDURES TO

NAIL TEST" IS A CODE NAME FOR
CERTAIN ANALYTIC PROCEDURES TO
EXAMINE POSSIBILITIES OF RUPTURE

CERTAIN ANALYTIC PROCEDURES TO
EXAMINE POSSIBILITIES OF RUPTURE
IN VINYL-RELATED SUBSTANCES.

EXAMINE POSSIBILITIES OF RUPTURE
IN VINYL-RELATED SUBSTANCES.
UH-HUH.

IN VINYL-RELATED SUBSTANCES.
UH-HUH.
I PLAN TO PUBLISH THE RESULTS

UH-HUH.
I PLAN TO PUBLISH THE RESULTS
OF THESE TESTS NEXT YEAR IN A

I PLAN TO PUBLISH THE RESULTS
OF THESE TESTS NEXT YEAR IN A
BOOK CALLED "PARTY DOLLS... TURN

OF THESE TESTS NEXT YEAR IN A
BOOK CALLED "PARTY DOLLS... TURN
ON OR RIP OFF?"

BOOK CALLED "PARTY DOLLS... TURN
ON OR RIP OFF?"
CAN I GET YOU ANOTHER DRINK?

ON OR RIP OFF?"
CAN I GET YOU ANOTHER DRINK?
NO, THANK YOU.

CAN I GET YOU ANOTHER DRINK?
NO, THANK YOU.
PAM, A REFILL?

NO, THANK YOU.
PAM, A REFILL?
SAY, WHY DON'T YOU SHOW BURT

PAM, A REFILL?
SAY, WHY DON'T YOU SHOW BURT
YOUR MUSIC BOX, PAM?

SAY, WHY DON'T YOU SHOW BURT
YOUR MUSIC BOX, PAM?
I BOUGHT PAM A MUSIC BOX FOR HER

YOUR MUSIC BOX, PAM?
I BOUGHT PAM A MUSIC BOX FOR HER
BIRTHDAY.

I BOUGHT PAM A MUSIC BOX FOR HER
BIRTHDAY.
YOU DON'T SAY.

BIRTHDAY.
YOU DON'T SAY.
BURT, YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW

YOU DON'T SAY.
BURT, YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW
EXHAUSTING THESE TESTS ARE.

BURT, YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW
EXHAUSTING THESE TESTS ARE.
I HAVE TO DRESS AND UNDRESS THEM

EXHAUSTING THESE TESTS ARE.
I HAVE TO DRESS AND UNDRESS THEM
EVERY DAY, BRUSH THEIR LITTLE

I HAVE TO DRESS AND UNDRESS THEM
EVERY DAY, BRUSH THEIR LITTLE
TEETH, PAINT THEIR LITTLE NAILS.

EVERY DAY, BRUSH THEIR LITTLE
TEETH, PAINT THEIR LITTLE NAILS.
OF COURSE, IT USED TO BE WORSE,

TEETH, PAINT THEIR LITTLE NAILS.
OF COURSE, IT USED TO BE WORSE,
BEFORE VICKI FAILED THE

OF COURSE, IT USED TO BE WORSE,
BEFORE VICKI FAILED THE
LAWN-MOWER TEST.

BEFORE VICKI FAILED THE
LAWN-MOWER TEST.
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

LAWN-MOWER TEST.
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
SHE FAILED THE LAWN-MOWER TEST?

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
SHE FAILED THE LAWN-MOWER TEST?
MAYBE NOW MS. BALLOON HEAD

SHE FAILED THE LAWN-MOWER TEST?
MAYBE NOW MS. BALLOON HEAD
WILL BE READY TO EAT HER

MAYBE NOW MS. BALLOON HEAD
WILL BE READY TO EAT HER
SPAGHETTI.

WILL BE READY TO EAT HER
SPAGHETTI.
UH, HEY, ON SECOND THOUGHT,

SPAGHETTI.
UH, HEY, ON SECOND THOUGHT,
MAN, I'LL HAVE THAT DRINK, AND

UH, HEY, ON SECOND THOUGHT,
MAN, I'LL HAVE THAT DRINK, AND
I'LL GO GET IT MYSELF.

MAN, I'LL HAVE THAT DRINK, AND
I'LL GO GET IT MYSELF.
YES.

I'LL GO GET IT MYSELF.
YES.
HA!

YES.
HA!
LISTEN.

HA!
LISTEN.
I'M SORRY TO CUT THIS INTERVIEW

LISTEN.
I'M SORRY TO CUT THIS INTERVIEW
SHORT, BURT.

I'M SORRY TO CUT THIS INTERVIEW
SHORT, BURT.
I THINK RITA IS BEGINNING TO

SHORT, BURT.
I THINK RITA IS BEGINNING TO
LEAK.

I THINK RITA IS BEGINNING TO
LEAK.
YOU MEAN, YOU PUMP HER UP.

LEAK.
YOU MEAN, YOU PUMP HER UP.
NOT TODAY.

YOU MEAN, YOU PUMP HER UP.
NOT TODAY.
I HAVE A YEAST INFECTION.

NOT TODAY.
I HAVE A YEAST INFECTION.
MM-HMM.

OH, AND NOW HERE'S THIS
WEEK'S FILM BY GARY WEISS.
[APPLAUSE]

WEEK'S FILM BY GARY WEISS.
[APPLAUSE]
WELL, I FEEL THE MEN SHOULD

[APPLAUSE]
WELL, I FEEL THE MEN SHOULD
BE CALLED "SANITATION MEN," NOT

WELL, I FEEL THE MEN SHOULD
BE CALLED "SANITATION MEN," NOT
"GARBAGEMEN."

BE CALLED "SANITATION MEN," NOT
"GARBAGEMEN."
"SANITATION ENGINEER'S" A

"GARBAGEMEN."
"SANITATION ENGINEER'S" A
LITTLE TOO HIGH, BUT

"SANITATION ENGINEER'S" A
LITTLE TOO HIGH, BUT
"GARBAGEMAN"... I-I-IT'S

LITTLE TOO HIGH, BUT
"GARBAGEMAN"... I-I-IT'S
DESCRIBING THE PERSON.

"GARBAGEMAN"... I-I-IT'S
DESCRIBING THE PERSON.
I DON'T THINK THAT'S RIGHT.

DESCRIBING THE PERSON.
I DON'T THINK THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU CAN CALL ME ANYTHING AS

I DON'T THINK THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU CAN CALL ME ANYTHING AS
LONG AS I GET PAID EVERY WEEK.

YOU CAN CALL ME ANYTHING AS
LONG AS I GET PAID EVERY WEEK.
DOESN'T MAKE A DIFFERENCE ONE

LONG AS I GET PAID EVERY WEEK.
DOESN'T MAKE A DIFFERENCE ONE
WAY OR ANOTHER.

DOESN'T MAKE A DIFFERENCE ONE
WAY OR ANOTHER.
DOESN'T MATTER.

WAY OR ANOTHER.
DOESN'T MATTER.
YOU ARE WHAT YOU ARE.

DOESN'T MATTER.
YOU ARE WHAT YOU ARE.
[PETE SEEGER'S "GARBAGE"

YOU ARE WHAT YOU ARE.
[PETE SEEGER'S "GARBAGE"
PLAYING]

♪ MR. THOMPSON CALLS
THE WAITER ♪
♪ ORDERS STEAK AND BAKED

THE WAITER ♪
♪ ORDERS STEAK AND BAKED
POTATER ♪

♪ ORDERS STEAK AND BAKED
POTATER ♪
♪ THEN HE LEAVES THE BONE

POTATER ♪
♪ THEN HE LEAVES THE BONE
AND GRISTLE ♪

♪ THEN HE LEAVES THE BONE
AND GRISTLE ♪
♪ AND HE NEVER EATS THE SKIN ♪

AND GRISTLE ♪
♪ AND HE NEVER EATS THE SKIN ♪
♪ THE BUSBOY COMES

♪ AND HE NEVER EATS THE SKIN ♪
♪ THE BUSBOY COMES
AND TAKES IT ♪

♪ THE BUSBOY COMES
AND TAKES IT ♪
♪ WITH A COUGH, CONTAMINATES

AND TAKES IT ♪
♪ WITH A COUGH, CONTAMINATES
IT ♪

♪ WITH A COUGH, CONTAMINATES
IT ♪
♪ HE THROWS IT IN A CAN WITH

IT ♪
♪ HE THROWS IT IN A CAN WITH
COFFEE GROUNDS AND SARDINE

♪ HE THROWS IT IN A CAN WITH
COFFEE GROUNDS AND SARDINE
TINS ♪

COFFEE GROUNDS AND SARDINE
TINS ♪
♪ THEN A TRUCK COMES BY ON

TINS ♪
♪ THEN A TRUCK COMES BY ON
FRIDAY ♪

♪ THEN A TRUCK COMES BY ON
FRIDAY ♪
♪ CARTS IT ALL AWAY ♪

FRIDAY ♪
♪ CARTS IT ALL AWAY ♪
♪ AND A THOUSAND TRUCKS JUST

♪ CARTS IT ALL AWAY ♪
♪ AND A THOUSAND TRUCKS JUST
LIKE IT ARE CONVERGING ON THE

♪ AND A THOUSAND TRUCKS JUST
LIKE IT ARE CONVERGING ON THE
BAY ♪

LIKE IT ARE CONVERGING ON THE
BAY ♪
♪ GARBAGE ♪

BAY ♪
♪ GARBAGE ♪
♪ GARBAGE, GARBAGE, GARBAGE ♪

♪ GARBAGE ♪
♪ GARBAGE, GARBAGE, GARBAGE ♪
♪ GARBAGE ♪

♪ GARBAGE, GARBAGE, GARBAGE ♪
♪ GARBAGE ♪
AROUND SPRINGTIME, BODIES

♪ GARBAGE ♪
AROUND SPRINGTIME, BODIES
START POPPIN' UP.

AROUND SPRINGTIME, BODIES
START POPPIN' UP.
USUALLY THEY FALL IN AROUND FALL

START POPPIN' UP.
USUALLY THEY FALL IN AROUND FALL
OR WINTERTIME.

USUALLY THEY FALL IN AROUND FALL
OR WINTERTIME.
WHATEVER THE REASON IS... I

OR WINTERTIME.
WHATEVER THE REASON IS... I
DON'T KNOW... THEY DON'T COME UP

WHATEVER THE REASON IS... I
DON'T KNOW... THEY DON'T COME UP
TILL SPRING.

DON'T KNOW... THEY DON'T COME UP
TILL SPRING.
WHETHER IT'S THE WATER HEATING

TILL SPRING.
WHETHER IT'S THE WATER HEATING
UP AND THE CHEMICALS IN THE

WHETHER IT'S THE WATER HEATING
UP AND THE CHEMICALS IN THE
BODY, I DON'T KNOW, BUT THEY POP

UP AND THE CHEMICALS IN THE
BODY, I DON'T KNOW, BUT THEY POP
UP AROUND SPRING.

BODY, I DON'T KNOW, BUT THEY POP
UP AROUND SPRING.
WE GOT FOUR OR FIVE OF 'EM

UP AROUND SPRING.
WE GOT FOUR OR FIVE OF 'EM
AROUND HERE.

WE GOT FOUR OR FIVE OF 'EM
AROUND HERE.
FACT IS, BETWEEN US AND THE

AROUND HERE.
FACT IS, BETWEEN US AND THE
FIREBOAT ONE DAY, I SPOTTED

FACT IS, BETWEEN US AND THE
FIREBOAT ONE DAY, I SPOTTED
SOMETHING I THOUGHT WAS A LEG.

FIREBOAT ONE DAY, I SPOTTED
SOMETHING I THOUGHT WAS A LEG.
AFTER I GOT THE POLICE HARBOR

SOMETHING I THOUGHT WAS A LEG.
AFTER I GOT THE POLICE HARBOR
BOAT ON, IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN

AFTER I GOT THE POLICE HARBOR
BOAT ON, IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN
ARM.

BOAT ON, IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN
ARM.
THE HAND WAS MISSING, BUT THE

ARM.
THE HAND WAS MISSING, BUT THE
REST OF IT WAS THERE.

THE HAND WAS MISSING, BUT THE
REST OF IT WAS THERE.
SOMETIMES WE FIND GUNS IN THE

REST OF IT WAS THERE.
SOMETIMES WE FIND GUNS IN THE
HOPPER WHEN WE DUMP THE CANS.

SOMETIMES WE FIND GUNS IN THE
HOPPER WHEN WE DUMP THE CANS.
FOUND A DIAMOND RING ONCE.

HOPPER WHEN WE DUMP THE CANS.
FOUND A DIAMOND RING ONCE.
THAT DEPENDS ON WHAT'S

FOUND A DIAMOND RING ONCE.
THAT DEPENDS ON WHAT'S
VALUABLE TO YOU, YOU KNOW?

THAT DEPENDS ON WHAT'S
VALUABLE TO YOU, YOU KNOW?
I READ A LOT.

VALUABLE TO YOU, YOU KNOW?
I READ A LOT.
I FIND A LOT OF BOOKS.

I READ A LOT.
I FIND A LOT OF BOOKS.
THEN WE FOUND A [COUGHS] GUY

I FIND A LOT OF BOOKS.
THEN WE FOUND A [COUGHS] GUY
DEAD OVER HERE ON THE OTHER

THEN WE FOUND A [COUGHS] GUY
DEAD OVER HERE ON THE OTHER
PIER.

DEAD OVER HERE ON THE OTHER
PIER.
TURNED OUT TO BE A REPORTER, AND

PIER.
TURNED OUT TO BE A REPORTER, AND
HE'S SUPPOSED TO HAVE BLOWN HIS

TURNED OUT TO BE A REPORTER, AND
HE'S SUPPOSED TO HAVE BLOWN HIS
OWN HEAD OFF.

HE'S SUPPOSED TO HAVE BLOWN HIS
OWN HEAD OFF.
WELL, THAT DARK LAND THAT YOU

OWN HEAD OFF.
WELL, THAT DARK LAND THAT YOU
SEE GOING ACROSS THE WHOLE OF

WELL, THAT DARK LAND THAT YOU
SEE GOING ACROSS THE WHOLE OF
THE RIVER DOWN THERE... THAT'S

SEE GOING ACROSS THE WHOLE OF
THE RIVER DOWN THERE... THAT'S
STATEN ISLAND.

THE RIVER DOWN THERE... THAT'S
STATEN ISLAND.
ON THE FAR SIDE FROM HERE,

STATEN ISLAND.
ON THE FAR SIDE FROM HERE,
THAT'S WHERE THE SCOWS GO.

ON THE FAR SIDE FROM HERE,
THAT'S WHERE THE SCOWS GO.
♪ WELL, I TRIED IN

THAT'S WHERE THE SCOWS GO.
♪ WELL, I TRIED IN
NEW YORK CITY ♪

♪ WELL, I TRIED IN
NEW YORK CITY ♪
♪ OH, HO ♪

NEW YORK CITY ♪
♪ OH, HO ♪
♪ NO, GONNA TRY IT ON YOU ♪

♪ OH, HO ♪
♪ NO, GONNA TRY IT ON YOU ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪

♪ NO, GONNA TRY IT ON YOU ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ WORK MY ROOSTER ♪

♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ WORK MY ROOSTER ♪
[INSTRUMENTAL SOLO]

WE HAVE A CONTRACT WITH THE
CITY OF NEW YORK.
WE HAVE MEN PICKING MATERIAL

CITY OF NEW YORK.
WE HAVE MEN PICKING MATERIAL
RIGHT OFF THE DUMP, RIGHT OUT OF

WE HAVE MEN PICKING MATERIAL
RIGHT OFF THE DUMP, RIGHT OUT OF
THE DUMP... GLASS, FERROUS

RIGHT OFF THE DUMP, RIGHT OUT OF
THE DUMP... GLASS, FERROUS
METALS, NONFERROUS METALS, YOU

THE DUMP... GLASS, FERROUS
METALS, NONFERROUS METALS, YOU
KNOW, BRASS, COPPER, STEEL,

METALS, NONFERROUS METALS, YOU
KNOW, BRASS, COPPER, STEEL,
IRON.

KNOW, BRASS, COPPER, STEEL,
IRON.
THIS IS A PART OF THE SCRAP

IRON.
THIS IS A PART OF THE SCRAP
THAT WE GET DOWN AT THE DUMP.

THIS IS A PART OF THE SCRAP
THAT WE GET DOWN AT THE DUMP.
EVENTUALLY IT'LL BE CUT UP, SOLD

THAT WE GET DOWN AT THE DUMP.
EVENTUALLY IT'LL BE CUT UP, SOLD
FOR SCRAP.

EVENTUALLY IT'LL BE CUT UP, SOLD
FOR SCRAP.
WE FOUND HIM OUT HERE ON THE

FOR SCRAP.
WE FOUND HIM OUT HERE ON THE
DUMP.

WE FOUND HIM OUT HERE ON THE
DUMP.
SOMEBODY DROPPED HIM OFF.

DUMP.
SOMEBODY DROPPED HIM OFF.
HE'S ONLY 5 MONTHS OLD NOW.

SOMEBODY DROPPED HIM OFF.
HE'S ONLY 5 MONTHS OLD NOW.
HE WAS A PUP WHEN WE RAISED HIM

HE'S ONLY 5 MONTHS OLD NOW.
HE WAS A PUP WHEN WE RAISED HIM
FROM OUT HERE.

HE WAS A PUP WHEN WE RAISED HIM
FROM OUT HERE.
WE GOT HIM OUT OF THE DUMP.

FROM OUT HERE.
WE GOT HIM OUT OF THE DUMP.
THE FIRST THING THAT CAME TO

WE GOT HIM OUT OF THE DUMP.
THE FIRST THING THAT CAME TO
US... WE CALLED HIM "DUMPY."

WHAT DO THEY CALL THIS UP
HERE, JOHN?
THIS IS THE BROOKFIELD LAND

HERE, JOHN?
THIS IS THE BROOKFIELD LAND
DUMP.

THIS IS THE BROOKFIELD LAND
DUMP.
DO YOU KNOW HOW WIDE IT IS?

DUMP.
DO YOU KNOW HOW WIDE IT IS?
IT'S ABOUT 6 MILES AROUND.

DO YOU KNOW HOW WIDE IT IS?
IT'S ABOUT 6 MILES AROUND.
THEY SAY IT'S THE LARGEST

IT'S ABOUT 6 MILES AROUND.
THEY SAY IT'S THE LARGEST
LANDFILL DUMP IN THE WORLD.

THEY SAY IT'S THE LARGEST
LANDFILL DUMP IN THE WORLD.
IT IS, IT IS.

LANDFILL DUMP IN THE WORLD.
IT IS, IT IS.
THE LARGEST IN THE WORLD.

IT IS, IT IS.
THE LARGEST IN THE WORLD.
YOU'VE BEEN IN BUSINESS ABOUT

THE LARGEST IN THE WORLD.
YOU'VE BEEN IN BUSINESS ABOUT
20 YEARS NOW.

YOU'VE BEEN IN BUSINESS ABOUT
20 YEARS NOW.
ABOUT 20 YEARS.

20 YEARS NOW.
ABOUT 20 YEARS.
TELL ME, JOHN, HOW DO YOU

ABOUT 20 YEARS.
TELL ME, JOHN, HOW DO YOU
STAND THE SMELL HERE?

TELL ME, JOHN, HOW DO YOU
STAND THE SMELL HERE?
SMELLS GOOD TODAY.

STAND THE SMELL HERE?
SMELLS GOOD TODAY.
WAIT TILL THE SUMMER, WHEN IT

SMELLS GOOD TODAY.
WAIT TILL THE SUMMER, WHEN IT
GETS REAL HOT AND STUFF STARTS

WAIT TILL THE SUMMER, WHEN IT
GETS REAL HOT AND STUFF STARTS
COOKING UP A LITTLE BIT.

GETS REAL HOT AND STUFF STARTS
COOKING UP A LITTLE BIT.
THAT'S WHEN YOU CAN'T STAND IT.

COOKING UP A LITTLE BIT.
THAT'S WHEN YOU CAN'T STAND IT.
NOW IT'S NICE.

THAT'S WHEN YOU CAN'T STAND IT.
NOW IT'S NICE.
THIS DOESN'T SMELL SO BAD

NOW IT'S NICE.
THIS DOESN'T SMELL SO BAD
RIGHT NOW?

THIS DOESN'T SMELL SO BAD
RIGHT NOW?
NAH. AIN'T THAT BAD.

[WIND WHISTLING]
HONEY, I'M HOME.

HELLO, HONEY.
YOU'RE LATE.
I WILL PUT THE FOOD INTO THE

YOU'RE LATE.
I WILL PUT THE FOOD INTO THE
HEAT.

I WILL PUT THE FOOD INTO THE
HEAT.
YES.

HEAT.
YES.
I'M SORRY I'M LATE.

YES.
I'M SORRY I'M LATE.
THE COMMUTER TRAINS WERE

I'M SORRY I'M LATE.
THE COMMUTER TRAINS WERE
SEVERELY AFFECTED BY THE SNOW.

THE COMMUTER TRAINS WERE
SEVERELY AFFECTED BY THE SNOW.
OH, WELL, I'M HAPPY THAT YOU

SEVERELY AFFECTED BY THE SNOW.
OH, WELL, I'M HAPPY THAT YOU
WERE ABLE TO ARRIVE SAFELY.

OH, WELL, I'M HAPPY THAT YOU
WERE ABLE TO ARRIVE SAFELY.
I'M ENGAGED IN PREPARING YOUR

WERE ABLE TO ARRIVE SAFELY.
I'M ENGAGED IN PREPARING YOUR
FAVORITE MEAL... SMALL STARCH

I'M ENGAGED IN PREPARING YOUR
FAVORITE MEAL... SMALL STARCH
TUBES COMBINED WITH LACTATE

FAVORITE MEAL... SMALL STARCH
TUBES COMBINED WITH LACTATE
EXTRACT OF HOOVED MAMMALS.

TUBES COMBINED WITH LACTATE
EXTRACT OF HOOVED MAMMALS.
AH, YOU MEAN MACARONI AND

EXTRACT OF HOOVED MAMMALS.
AH, YOU MEAN MACARONI AND
CHEESE.

AH, YOU MEAN MACARONI AND
CHEESE.
I'M SURE WE WILL ENJOY IT.

CHEESE.
I'M SURE WE WILL ENJOY IT.
[WIND WHISTLING]

I'M SURE WE WILL ENJOY IT.
[WIND WHISTLING]
HI, MOM.

[WIND WHISTLING]
HI, MOM.
HI, DAD.

HI, MOM.
HI, DAD.
HELLO, MY YOUNG ONE.

HI, DAD.
HELLO, MY YOUNG ONE.
HOW WAS SCHOOL TODAY?

HELLO, MY YOUNG ONE.
HOW WAS SCHOOL TODAY?
THIS WIG WAS INEFFECTIVE.

HOW WAS SCHOOL TODAY?
THIS WIG WAS INEFFECTIVE.
THE KIDS AT SCHOOL KNOW THAT I

THIS WIG WAS INEFFECTIVE.
THE KIDS AT SCHOOL KNOW THAT I
AM DIFFERENT FROM THEM.

THE KIDS AT SCHOOL KNOW THAT I
AM DIFFERENT FROM THEM.
IT'S REALLY BUGGING ME.

AM DIFFERENT FROM THEM.
IT'S REALLY BUGGING ME.
THEY WANT TO KNOW WHERE I COME

IT'S REALLY BUGGING ME.
THEY WANT TO KNOW WHERE I COME
FROM.

THEY WANT TO KNOW WHERE I COME
FROM.
DADDY, WHERE DO WE COME FROM?

FROM.
DADDY, WHERE DO WE COME FROM?
FRANCE.

DADDY, WHERE DO WE COME FROM?
FRANCE.
JUST KEEP TELLING THEM YOU COME

FRANCE.
JUST KEEP TELLING THEM YOU COME
FROM FRANCE.

JUST KEEP TELLING THEM YOU COME
FROM FRANCE.
NO WAY, DAD!

FROM FRANCE.
NO WAY, DAD!
I HAVE FOUND THAT TO BE AN

NO WAY, DAD!
I HAVE FOUND THAT TO BE AN
INSUFFICIENT ANSWER.

I HAVE FOUND THAT TO BE AN
INSUFFICIENT ANSWER.
MAINTAIN LOW TONES WITH ME.

INSUFFICIENT ANSWER.
MAINTAIN LOW TONES WITH ME.
MAINTAIN LOW TONES.

MAINTAIN LOW TONES WITH ME.
MAINTAIN LOW TONES.
DEAR, I THINK THE TIME HAS

MAINTAIN LOW TONES.
DEAR, I THINK THE TIME HAS
COME TO TELL THE YOUNG ONE THE

DEAR, I THINK THE TIME HAS
COME TO TELL THE YOUNG ONE THE
STORY OF OUR FAMILY.

COME TO TELL THE YOUNG ONE THE
STORY OF OUR FAMILY.
NO, I DO NOT AGREE.

STORY OF OUR FAMILY.
NO, I DO NOT AGREE.
YOU MUST TELL HER NOW.

NO, I DO NOT AGREE.
YOU MUST TELL HER NOW.
SHE MUST KNOW.

YOU MUST TELL HER NOW.
SHE MUST KNOW.
PLEASE INFORM ME.

SHE MUST KNOW.
PLEASE INFORM ME.
A GUY ASKED ME OUT FOR A DATE IN

PLEASE INFORM ME.
A GUY ASKED ME OUT FOR A DATE IN
GYM CLASS THIS AFTERNOON.

A GUY ASKED ME OUT FOR A DATE IN
GYM CLASS THIS AFTERNOON.
I MUST PREPARE.

GYM CLASS THIS AFTERNOON.
I MUST PREPARE.
VERY WELL.

I MUST PREPARE.
VERY WELL.
THE TIME HAS COME FOR YOU TO

VERY WELL.
THE TIME HAS COME FOR YOU TO
KNOW.

THE TIME HAS COME FOR YOU TO
KNOW.
I AM BELDAR.

KNOW.
I AM BELDAR.
THIS IS PRYMAAT.

I AM BELDAR.
THIS IS PRYMAAT.
WE ARE EMISSARIES FROM THE

THIS IS PRYMAAT.
WE ARE EMISSARIES FROM THE
PLANET REMULAK, WHICH IS LOCATED

WE ARE EMISSARIES FROM THE
PLANET REMULAK, WHICH IS LOCATED
MANY LIGHT YEARS OUTSIDE OF THIS

PLANET REMULAK, WHICH IS LOCATED
MANY LIGHT YEARS OUTSIDE OF THIS
SOLAR SYSTEM.

MANY LIGHT YEARS OUTSIDE OF THIS
SOLAR SYSTEM.
20 EARTH YEARS AGO, THE FIVE

SOLAR SYSTEM.
20 EARTH YEARS AGO, THE FIVE
HIGH MASTERS OF REMULAK

20 EARTH YEARS AGO, THE FIVE
HIGH MASTERS OF REMULAK
DISPATCHED A FLEET OF STAR

HIGH MASTERS OF REMULAK
DISPATCHED A FLEET OF STAR
CRUISERS TO THIS SOLAR SYSTEM.

DISPATCHED A FLEET OF STAR
CRUISERS TO THIS SOLAR SYSTEM.
STAR CRUISERS?

CRUISERS TO THIS SOLAR SYSTEM.
STAR CRUISERS?
METALLIC DISKS POWERED BY AN

STAR CRUISERS?
METALLIC DISKS POWERED BY AN
ANTIGRAVITY FIELD REACTOR.

METALLIC DISKS POWERED BY AN
ANTIGRAVITY FIELD REACTOR.
FLYING SAUCERS, DEAR.

ANTIGRAVITY FIELD REACTOR.
FLYING SAUCERS, DEAR.
OH, COME ON, YOU GUYS.

FLYING SAUCERS, DEAR.
OH, COME ON, YOU GUYS.
THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS FLYING

OH, COME ON, YOU GUYS.
THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS FLYING
SAUCERS.

THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS FLYING
SAUCERS.
YOUR MOTHER AND I WERE

SAUCERS.
YOUR MOTHER AND I WERE
INSTRUCTED TO PILOT OUR MACHINE

YOUR MOTHER AND I WERE
INSTRUCTED TO PILOT OUR MACHINE
TO EARTH, SEIZE ALL MAJOR

INSTRUCTED TO PILOT OUR MACHINE
TO EARTH, SEIZE ALL MAJOR
CENTERS OF RADIO AND TELEVISION

TO EARTH, SEIZE ALL MAJOR
CENTERS OF RADIO AND TELEVISION
COMMUNICATION, AND INFORM THE

CENTERS OF RADIO AND TELEVISION
COMMUNICATION, AND INFORM THE
PEOPLE OF EARTH THAT WE OF THE

COMMUNICATION, AND INFORM THE
PEOPLE OF EARTH THAT WE OF THE
PLANET REMULAK WERE TAKING OVER

PEOPLE OF EARTH THAT WE OF THE
PLANET REMULAK WERE TAKING OVER
THEIR WORLD.

PLANET REMULAK WERE TAKING OVER
THEIR WORLD.
YOUR FATHER WAS TO MAKE IT

THEIR WORLD.
YOUR FATHER WAS TO MAKE IT
CLEAR TO THE EARTH PEOPLE THAT

YOUR FATHER WAS TO MAKE IT
CLEAR TO THE EARTH PEOPLE THAT
THE TWO OF US WERE TO BE CALLED

CLEAR TO THE EARTH PEOPLE THAT
THE TWO OF US WERE TO BE CALLED
THE TIME KEEPERS, THAT WE WOULD

THE TWO OF US WERE TO BE CALLED
THE TIME KEEPERS, THAT WE WOULD
REMAIN HERE FOR SEVEN CENTURIES,

THE TIME KEEPERS, THAT WE WOULD
REMAIN HERE FOR SEVEN CENTURIES,
THAT WE WERE TO END ALL WARS,

REMAIN HERE FOR SEVEN CENTURIES,
THAT WE WERE TO END ALL WARS,
THAT THE EARTH WEAPONS WERE

THAT WE WERE TO END ALL WARS,
THAT THE EARTH WEAPONS WERE
USELESS AGAINST US, AND THAT

THAT THE EARTH WEAPONS WERE
USELESS AGAINST US, AND THAT
THEY WOULD DESTROY THEM IF THEY

USELESS AGAINST US, AND THAT
THEY WOULD DESTROY THEM IF THEY
DID NOT FOLLOW OUR INSTRUCTIONS.

THEY WOULD DESTROY THEM IF THEY
DID NOT FOLLOW OUR INSTRUCTIONS.
I ASK YOU, THEN.

DID NOT FOLLOW OUR INSTRUCTIONS.
I ASK YOU, THEN.
WHAT HAPPENED?

I ASK YOU, THEN.
WHAT HAPPENED?
I... LOST THE SPEECH I WAS

WHAT HAPPENED?
I... LOST THE SPEECH I WAS
SUPPOSED TO MAKE.

I... LOST THE SPEECH I WAS
SUPPOSED TO MAKE.
I HAD A SPEECH.

SUPPOSED TO MAKE.
I HAD A SPEECH.
PEOPLE OF EARTH, I AM THE TIME

I HAD A SPEECH.
PEOPLE OF EARTH, I AM THE TIME
KEEPER FROM THE PLANET REMULAK.

PEOPLE OF EARTH, I AM THE TIME
KEEPER FROM THE PLANET REMULAK.
YOUR WEAPONS ARE USELESS AGAINST

KEEPER FROM THE PLANET REMULAK.
YOUR WEAPONS ARE USELESS AGAINST
US.

YOUR WEAPONS ARE USELESS AGAINST
US.
I LOST THE REST OF IT.

US.
I LOST THE REST OF IT.
THE INSTRUCTIONS, TIMES, DATES,

I LOST THE REST OF IT.
THE INSTRUCTIONS, TIMES, DATES,
PLACE, ORDERS FOR THE U.N.

THE INSTRUCTIONS, TIMES, DATES,
PLACE, ORDERS FOR THE U.N.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE I LOST IT.

PLACE, ORDERS FOR THE U.N.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE I LOST IT.
BUT WHAT CAME OF YOUR FLYING

I DON'T KNOW WHERE I LOST IT.
BUT WHAT CAME OF YOUR FLYING
SAUCER?

BUT WHAT CAME OF YOUR FLYING
SAUCER?
IT'S AT THE BOTTOM OF

SAUCER?
IT'S AT THE BOTTOM OF
LAKE MICHIGAN.

IT'S AT THE BOTTOM OF
LAKE MICHIGAN.
YOUR MOTHER WAS AT THE

LAKE MICHIGAN.
YOUR MOTHER WAS AT THE
CONTROL PANEL.

YOUR MOTHER WAS AT THE
CONTROL PANEL.
NO, IT WAS YOU WHO WAS

CONTROL PANEL.
NO, IT WAS YOU WHO WAS
GUIDING US.

NO, IT WAS YOU WHO WAS
GUIDING US.
NO, MY DEAR.

GUIDING US.
NO, MY DEAR.
YOU WERE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE

NO, MY DEAR.
YOU WERE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE
CONTROL INDICES.

YOU WERE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE
CONTROL INDICES.
BUT DID YOUR PLANET NOT SEND

CONTROL INDICES.
BUT DID YOUR PLANET NOT SEND
A RESCUE SHIP FOR YOU?

BUT DID YOUR PLANET NOT SEND
A RESCUE SHIP FOR YOU?
WELL, OUR PLANET CUT BACK ON

A RESCUE SHIP FOR YOU?
WELL, OUR PLANET CUT BACK ON
THEIR SPACE PROGRAM, AND I HAD

WELL, OUR PLANET CUT BACK ON
THEIR SPACE PROGRAM, AND I HAD
TO GET A JOB HERE ON EARTH AS A

THEIR SPACE PROGRAM, AND I HAD
TO GET A JOB HERE ON EARTH AS A
DRIVING INSTRUCTOR.

TO GET A JOB HERE ON EARTH AS A
DRIVING INSTRUCTOR.
IN ORDER TO BE LESS OBVIOUS

DRIVING INSTRUCTOR.
IN ORDER TO BE LESS OBVIOUS
ON EARTH, WE TOOK THE NAMES

IN ORDER TO BE LESS OBVIOUS
ON EARTH, WE TOOK THE NAMES
FRED AND JOYCE CONEHEAD.

ON EARTH, WE TOOK THE NAMES
FRED AND JOYCE CONEHEAD.
AND THEN, MY DEAR, YOU WERE

FRED AND JOYCE CONEHEAD.
AND THEN, MY DEAR, YOU WERE
BORN.

AND THEN, MY DEAR, YOU WERE
BORN.
AND WHEN YOUR LITTLE CONE WAS

BORN.
AND WHEN YOUR LITTLE CONE WAS
SHOWN TO US, WE KNEW WE HAD TO

AND WHEN YOUR LITTLE CONE WAS
SHOWN TO US, WE KNEW WE HAD TO
STAY HERE ON EARTH.

SHOWN TO US, WE KNEW WE HAD TO
STAY HERE ON EARTH.
WE NAMED YOU CONNIE.

STAY HERE ON EARTH.
WE NAMED YOU CONNIE.
AND, BESIDES, THE SCHOOLS ARE

WE NAMED YOU CONNIE.
AND, BESIDES, THE SCHOOLS ARE
BETTER HERE.

AND, BESIDES, THE SCHOOLS ARE
BETTER HERE.
I TOOK OUT A MORTGAGE ON THIS

BETTER HERE.
I TOOK OUT A MORTGAGE ON THIS
HOUSE.

I TOOK OUT A MORTGAGE ON THIS
HOUSE.
YOUR MOTHER JOINED A FEW CLUBS.

HOUSE.
YOUR MOTHER JOINED A FEW CLUBS.
PERHAPS ONE DAY THE HIGH MASTERS

YOUR MOTHER JOINED A FEW CLUBS.
PERHAPS ONE DAY THE HIGH MASTERS
OF OUR PLANET WILL DISPATCH A

PERHAPS ONE DAY THE HIGH MASTERS
OF OUR PLANET WILL DISPATCH A
FLEET OF STAR CRUISERS TO RESCUE

OF OUR PLANET WILL DISPATCH A
FLEET OF STAR CRUISERS TO RESCUE
US.

FLEET OF STAR CRUISERS TO RESCUE
US.
BUT UNTIL THEN, JUST DO ALL

US.
BUT UNTIL THEN, JUST DO ALL
YOUR HOMEWORK AND TELL EVERYONE

BUT UNTIL THEN, JUST DO ALL
YOUR HOMEWORK AND TELL EVERYONE
YOU COME FROM FRANCE.

YOUR HOMEWORK AND TELL EVERYONE
YOU COME FROM FRANCE.
[DOORBELL RINGS]

YOU COME FROM FRANCE.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
MY DATE IS HERE.

[DOORBELL RINGS]
MY DATE IS HERE.
I MUST PREPARE MY CONE.

MY DATE IS HERE.
I MUST PREPARE MY CONE.
WE WILL GREET HIM.

I MUST PREPARE MY CONE.
WE WILL GREET HIM.
[WIND WHISTLING]

WE WILL GREET HIM.
[WIND WHISTLING]
HI.

[WIND WHISTLING]
HI.
MR. AND MRS. CONHED?

HI.
MR. AND MRS. CONHED?
CONEHEAD.

MR. AND MRS. CONHED?
CONEHEAD.
OH. CONEHEAD.

CONEHEAD.
OH. CONEHEAD.
HI. I'M RONNIE GETHSETTER.

OH. CONEHEAD.
HI. I'M RONNIE GETHSETTER.
HELLO.

HI. I'M RONNIE GETHSETTER.
HELLO.
IS CONNIE HERE?

HELLO.
IS CONNIE HERE?
ENTER.

IS CONNIE HERE?
ENTER.
WE WERE EXPECTING YOU.

ENTER.
WE WERE EXPECTING YOU.
HEY. GREAT.

WE WERE EXPECTING YOU.
HEY. GREAT.
[LAUGHS]

HEY. GREAT.
[LAUGHS]
I MIGHT BE A LITTLE BIT EARLY.

[LAUGHS]
I MIGHT BE A LITTLE BIT EARLY.
I'M SORRY.

I MIGHT BE A LITTLE BIT EARLY.
I'M SORRY.
PLEASE ENTER AND SIT DOWN.

I'M SORRY.
PLEASE ENTER AND SIT DOWN.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO SATIATE

PLEASE ENTER AND SIT DOWN.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO SATIATE
YOURSELF WITH SOME BEER AND

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SATIATE
YOURSELF WITH SOME BEER AND
POTATO CHIPS?

YOURSELF WITH SOME BEER AND
POTATO CHIPS?
HEY, THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

POTATO CHIPS?
HEY, THAT WOULD BE GREAT.
TERRIFIC, MRS. CONEHEAD.

HEY, THAT WOULD BE GREAT.
TERRIFIC, MRS. CONEHEAD.
I SEE WHERE CONNIE GETS HER GOOD

TERRIFIC, MRS. CONEHEAD.
I SEE WHERE CONNIE GETS HER GOOD
LOOKS.

I SEE WHERE CONNIE GETS HER GOOD
LOOKS.
SO, PAL.

LOOKS.
SO, PAL.
WHAT MANNER OF VEHICLE BROUGHT

SO, PAL.
WHAT MANNER OF VEHICLE BROUGHT
YOU HERE TONIGHT?

WHAT MANNER OF VEHICLE BROUGHT
YOU HERE TONIGHT?
UH, MY FATHER LENT ME ONE

YOU HERE TONIGHT?
UH, MY FATHER LENT ME ONE
OF HIS TOW TRUCKS, MR. CONEHEAD.

UH, MY FATHER LENT ME ONE
OF HIS TOW TRUCKS, MR. CONEHEAD.
MM.

OF HIS TOW TRUCKS, MR. CONEHEAD.
MM.
AH, POTATO CHIPS AND BEER.

MM.
AH, POTATO CHIPS AND BEER.
WE INVITE YOU TO CONSUME FREELY.

OH.
HI, RONNIE.
HI, CONNIE.

HI, RONNIE.
HI, CONNIE.
I SEE YOU HAVE MET MY

HI, CONNIE.
I SEE YOU HAVE MET MY
PARENTAL UNITS.

I SEE YOU HAVE MET MY
PARENTAL UNITS.
YES, I HAVE.

PARENTAL UNITS.
YES, I HAVE.
I HEARD YOU MADE THE DIVING

YES, I HAVE.
I HEARD YOU MADE THE DIVING
TEAM.

I HEARD YOU MADE THE DIVING
TEAM.
THAT'S GREAT.

TEAM.
THAT'S GREAT.
YES. I'M VERY PROUD.

THAT'S GREAT.
YES. I'M VERY PROUD.
YOUR FOLKS REALLY KNOW HOW TO

YES. I'M VERY PROUD.
YOUR FOLKS REALLY KNOW HOW TO
PUT AWAY THE BREW.

YOUR FOLKS REALLY KNOW HOW TO
PUT AWAY THE BREW.
HEY, UH, WHERE DO THEY PUT IT?

PUT AWAY THE BREW.
HEY, UH, WHERE DO THEY PUT IT?
[CHUCKLES]

HEY, UH, WHERE DO THEY PUT IT?
[CHUCKLES]
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.

[CHUCKLES]
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.
ARE YOU READY TO GO?

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.
ARE YOU READY TO GO?
YES.

ARE YOU READY TO GO?
YES.
GOOD NIGHT, PARENTS.

YES.
GOOD NIGHT, PARENTS.
[BEEP]

GOOD NIGHT, PARENTS.
[BEEP]
I WILL REMEMBER ALL YOU HAVE

[BEEP]
I WILL REMEMBER ALL YOU HAVE
TOLD ME.

I WILL REMEMBER ALL YOU HAVE
TOLD ME.
HAVE A GOOD TIME.

TOLD ME.
HAVE A GOOD TIME.
DRIVE YOUR VEHICLE CAREFULLY.

HAVE A GOOD TIME.
DRIVE YOUR VEHICLE CAREFULLY.
THE SNOW HAS NEGATIVELY AFFECTED

DRIVE YOUR VEHICLE CAREFULLY.
THE SNOW HAS NEGATIVELY AFFECTED
ROAD FACTORS.

THE SNOW HAS NEGATIVELY AFFECTED
ROAD FACTORS.
RETURN AT THE TIME

ROAD FACTORS.
RETURN AT THE TIME
COORDINATES WE HAVE AGREED UPON.

RETURN AT THE TIME
COORDINATES WE HAVE AGREED UPON.
DO NOT BE LATE.

COORDINATES WE HAVE AGREED UPON.
DO NOT BE LATE.
OKAY.

DO NOT BE LATE.
OKAY.
UH, HEY, THANKS VERY MUCH FOR

OKAY.
UH, HEY, THANKS VERY MUCH FOR
THE BREW, MR. AND MRS. CONEHEAD.

UH, HEY, THANKS VERY MUCH FOR
THE BREW, MR. AND MRS. CONEHEAD.
I'LL TAKE GOOD CARE OF CONNIE.

THE BREW, MR. AND MRS. CONEHEAD.
I'LL TAKE GOOD CARE OF CONNIE.
OKAY.

I'LL TAKE GOOD CARE OF CONNIE.
OKAY.
HAVE A GOOD TIME.

OKAY.
HAVE A GOOD TIME.
OKAY. THANK YOU.

HAVE A GOOD TIME.
OKAY. THANK YOU.
GOOD NIGHT.

OKAY. THANK YOU.
GOOD NIGHT.
[WIND WHISTLING]

GOOD NIGHT.
[WIND WHISTLING]
WELL, MY DEAR, SHALL WE PLAY

[WIND WHISTLING]
WELL, MY DEAR, SHALL WE PLAY
SOME RINGTOSS BEFORE DINNER?

WELL, MY DEAR, SHALL WE PLAY
SOME RINGTOSS BEFORE DINNER?
YES.

SOME RINGTOSS BEFORE DINNER?
YES.
THAT WOULD BE PLEASURABLE.

Announcer: ONCE AGAIN,
GEORGE BENSON.
[APPLAUSE]

♪ I'M GONNA LOVE YOU MORE ♪
♪ MORE THAN ANYTHING
YOU'VE HEARD ABOUT ♪

♪ MORE THAN ANYTHING
YOU'VE HEARD ABOUT ♪
♪ I'M GONNA LOVE YOU MORE ♪

YOU'VE HEARD ABOUT ♪
♪ I'M GONNA LOVE YOU MORE ♪
♪ MORE THAN ANY DAY

♪ I'M GONNA LOVE YOU MORE ♪
♪ MORE THAN ANY DAY
AND ANY NIGHT ♪

♪ MORE THAN ANY DAY
AND ANY NIGHT ♪
♪ WITH US TOGETHER ♪

AND ANY NIGHT ♪
♪ WITH US TOGETHER ♪
♪ TOGETHER ♪

♪ WITH US TOGETHER ♪
♪ TOGETHER ♪
♪ I'M GONNA LOVE YOU MORE ♪

♪ TOGETHER ♪
♪ I'M GONNA LOVE YOU MORE ♪
♪ MORE ♪

♪ I'M GONNA LOVE YOU MORE ♪
♪ MORE ♪
♪ I'M GONNA LOVE YOU MORE ♪

♪ MORE ♪
♪ I'M GONNA LOVE YOU MORE ♪
♪ MORE THAN ANYTHING

♪ I'M GONNA LOVE YOU MORE ♪
♪ MORE THAN ANYTHING
YOU'VE HEARD ABOUT ♪

♪ MORE THAN ANYTHING
YOU'VE HEARD ABOUT ♪
♪ I'M GONNA LOVE YOU MORE ♪

YOU'VE HEARD ABOUT ♪
♪ I'M GONNA LOVE YOU MORE ♪
♪ MORE THAN ANY DAY

♪ I'M GONNA LOVE YOU MORE ♪
♪ MORE THAN ANY DAY
AND ANY NIGHT ♪

♪ MORE THAN ANY DAY
AND ANY NIGHT ♪
♪ WITH US TOGETHER ♪

AND ANY NIGHT ♪
♪ WITH US TOGETHER ♪
♪ TOGETHER ♪

♪ WITH US TOGETHER ♪
♪ TOGETHER ♪
♪ I'M GONNA LOVE YOU MORE ♪

♪ TOGETHER ♪
♪ I'M GONNA LOVE YOU MORE ♪
♪ MORE ♪

♪ I'M GONNA LOVE YOU MORE ♪
♪ MORE ♪
♪ I'M GONNA LOVE YOU MORE ♪

♪ MORE ♪
♪ I'M GONNA LOVE YOU MORE ♪
♪ MORE THAN I CAN LOVE

♪ I'M GONNA LOVE YOU MORE ♪
♪ MORE THAN I CAN LOVE
IN A DREAM ♪

♪ MORE THAN I CAN LOVE
IN A DREAM ♪
♪ MORE THAN I CAN EXPLAIN ♪

IN A DREAM ♪
♪ MORE THAN I CAN EXPLAIN ♪
♪ MORE THAN EVERYTHING ♪

♪ MORE THAN I CAN EXPLAIN ♪
♪ MORE THAN EVERYTHING ♪
♪ GONNA LOVE YOU MORE ♪

♪ MORE THAN EVERYTHING ♪
♪ GONNA LOVE YOU MORE ♪
♪ YES, I'M GONNA LOVE YOU MORE ♪

♪ GONNA LOVE YOU MORE ♪
♪ YES, I'M GONNA LOVE YOU MORE ♪
♪ THAT'S WHY I SING ♪

♪ YES, I'M GONNA LOVE YOU MORE ♪
♪ THAT'S WHY I SING ♪
♪ THAT'S WHY I SING ♪

♪ THAT'S WHY I SING ♪
♪ THAT'S WHY I SING ♪
♪ I'M GONNA HOLD YOU

♪ THAT'S WHY I SING ♪
♪ I'M GONNA HOLD YOU
IN MY ARMS TONIGHT ♪

♪ I'M GONNA HOLD YOU
IN MY ARMS TONIGHT ♪
♪ I'M GONNA SQUEEZE YOU, BABY ♪

IN MY ARMS TONIGHT ♪
♪ I'M GONNA SQUEEZE YOU, BABY ♪
♪ 'CAUSE YOU KNOW I GOT

♪ I'M GONNA SQUEEZE YOU, BABY ♪
♪ 'CAUSE YOU KNOW I GOT
THE RIGHT ♪

♪ I'M GONNA LOVE YOU MORE ♪
♪ MORE THAN I CAN LOVE
IN A DREAM ♪

♪ MORE THAN I CAN LOVE
IN A DREAM ♪
♪ MORE THAN I CAN EXPLAIN ♪

IN A DREAM ♪
♪ MORE THAN I CAN EXPLAIN ♪
♪ MORE THAN EVERYTHING ♪

♪ MORE THAN I CAN EXPLAIN ♪
♪ MORE THAN EVERYTHING ♪
♪ GONNA LOVE YOU MORE ♪

♪ MORE THAN EVERYTHING ♪
♪ GONNA LOVE YOU MORE ♪
♪ YES, I'M GONNA LOVE YOU MORE ♪

♪ GONNA LOVE YOU MORE ♪
♪ YES, I'M GONNA LOVE YOU MORE ♪
♪ THAT'S WHY I SING ♪

♪ YES, I'M GONNA LOVE YOU MORE ♪
♪ THAT'S WHY I SING ♪
♪ THAT'S WHY I SING ♪

♪ THAT'S WHY I SING ♪
♪ THAT'S WHY I SING ♪
♪ I'M GONNA HOLD YOU

♪ THAT'S WHY I SING ♪
♪ I'M GONNA HOLD YOU
IN MY ARMS TONIGHT ♪

♪ I'M GONNA HOLD YOU
IN MY ARMS TONIGHT ♪
♪ I'M GONNA SQUEEZE YOU, BABY ♪

IN MY ARMS TONIGHT ♪
♪ I'M GONNA SQUEEZE YOU, BABY ♪
♪ 'CAUSE YOU KNOW I GOT

♪ I'M GONNA SQUEEZE YOU, BABY ♪
♪ 'CAUSE YOU KNOW I GOT
THE RIGHT ♪

♪ 'CAUSE YOU KNOW I GOT
THE RIGHT ♪
♪ AND I'M GONNA BE

THE RIGHT ♪
♪ AND I'M GONNA BE
YOUR LOVER MAN ♪

♪ AND I'M GONNA BE
YOUR LOVER MAN ♪
♪ GONNA LOVE YOU RIGHT

YOUR LOVER MAN ♪
♪ GONNA LOVE YOU RIGHT
'CAUSE I KNOW I CAN ♪

♪ GONNA LOVE YOU RIGHT
'CAUSE I KNOW I CAN ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO-DUM-DUM-DUM ♪

'CAUSE I KNOW I CAN ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO-DUM-DUM-DUM ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM ♪

♪ DO-DO-DO-DUM-DUM-DUM ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM ♪
♪ I'M GONNA LOVE YOU, BABY ♪

♪ DO-DO-DO-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM ♪
♪ I'M GONNA LOVE YOU, BABY ♪
♪ GONNA LOVE YOU RIGHT

♪ I'M GONNA LOVE YOU, BABY ♪
♪ GONNA LOVE YOU RIGHT
'CAUSE I KNOW I CAN ♪

♪ GONNA LOVE YOU RIGHT
'CAUSE I KNOW I CAN ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO-DUM-DUM-DUM ♪

'CAUSE I KNOW I CAN ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO-DUM-DUM-DUM ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO-DO-DO ♪

♪ DO-DO-DO-DUM-DUM-DUM ♪
♪ DO-DO-DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO ♪

♪ DO-DO-DO-DO-DO ♪
♪ DO-DO ♪
♪ GONNA LOVE YOU, BABY ♪

♪ DO-DO ♪
♪ GONNA LOVE YOU, BABY ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

GOOD EVENING.
WELCOME TO
"YOUTH ASKS THE QUESTIONS."

WELCOME TO
"YOUTH ASKS THE QUESTIONS."
I'M YOUR HOST, JANE CURTIN.

"YOUTH ASKS THE QUESTIONS."
I'M YOUR HOST, JANE CURTIN.
AND TONIGHT WE'RE PROUD TO HAVE

I'M YOUR HOST, JANE CURTIN.
AND TONIGHT WE'RE PROUD TO HAVE
AS OUR GUEST THE ACKNOWLEDGED

AND TONIGHT WE'RE PROUD TO HAVE
AS OUR GUEST THE ACKNOWLEDGED
LEADER OF THE AMERICAN CONSUMER

AS OUR GUEST THE ACKNOWLEDGED
LEADER OF THE AMERICAN CONSUMER
MOVEMENT, MR. RALPH NADER.

LEADER OF THE AMERICAN CONSUMER
MOVEMENT, MR. RALPH NADER.
TONIGHT'S SHOW WILL BE A

MOVEMENT, MR. RALPH NADER.
TONIGHT'S SHOW WILL BE A
WIDE-OPEN QUESTION-AND-ANSWER

TONIGHT'S SHOW WILL BE A
WIDE-OPEN QUESTION-AND-ANSWER
SESSION, AND OUR PANEL OF

WIDE-OPEN QUESTION-AND-ANSWER
SESSION, AND OUR PANEL OF
STUDENTS WILL INCLUDE

SESSION, AND OUR PANEL OF
STUDENTS WILL INCLUDE
SHERRI NORWALK FROM VALLEY STATE

STUDENTS WILL INCLUDE
SHERRI NORWALK FROM VALLEY STATE
UNIVERSITY IN VAN NUYS,

SHERRI NORWALK FROM VALLEY STATE
UNIVERSITY IN VAN NUYS,
CALIFORNIA, GERARD ALDINI FROM

UNIVERSITY IN VAN NUYS,
CALIFORNIA, GERARD ALDINI FROM
CARNEGIE MELLON UNIVERSITY IN

CALIFORNIA, GERARD ALDINI FROM
CARNEGIE MELLON UNIVERSITY IN
PITTSBURGH, AND RHONDA WEISS

CARNEGIE MELLON UNIVERSITY IN
PITTSBURGH, AND RHONDA WEISS
FROM LONG ISLAND UNIVERSITY.

PITTSBURGH, AND RHONDA WEISS
FROM LONG ISLAND UNIVERSITY.
MS. WEISS, WILL YOU BEGIN THE

FROM LONG ISLAND UNIVERSITY.
MS. WEISS, WILL YOU BEGIN THE
QUESTIONING?

MS. WEISS, WILL YOU BEGIN THE
QUESTIONING?
HI, MR. NADER.

QUESTIONING?
HI, MR. NADER.
ABOUT THE ADVERTISING CAMPAIGN

HI, MR. NADER.
ABOUT THE ADVERTISING CAMPAIGN
FOR THE 1977 CARS, SPECIFICALLY

ABOUT THE ADVERTISING CAMPAIGN
FOR THE 1977 CARS, SPECIFICALLY
THE PLYMOUTH CORDOBA... IS THAT

FOR THE 1977 CARS, SPECIFICALLY
THE PLYMOUTH CORDOBA... IS THAT
RICARDO MONTALBAUM OR

THE PLYMOUTH CORDOBA... IS THAT
RICARDO MONTALBAUM OR
FERNANDO LAMAS?

RICARDO MONTALBAUM OR
FERNANDO LAMAS?
I-I DON'T REALLY KNOW.

FERNANDO LAMAS?
I-I DON'T REALLY KNOW.
YOU SEE, I WAS INTERESTED MORE

I-I DON'T REALLY KNOW.
YOU SEE, I WAS INTERESTED MORE
IN THE CORDOBA'S STEERING RATIO.

YOU SEE, I WAS INTERESTED MORE
IN THE CORDOBA'S STEERING RATIO.
YOU MUST HAVE DONE SOME

IN THE CORDOBA'S STEERING RATIO.
YOU MUST HAVE DONE SOME
RESEARCH ON THE DODGE MONACO,

YOU MUST HAVE DONE SOME
RESEARCH ON THE DODGE MONACO,
HUH?

RESEARCH ON THE DODGE MONACO,
HUH?
YES.

HUH?
YES.
I'M FAMILIAR WITH THE MONACO.

YES.
I'M FAMILIAR WITH THE MONACO.
IS LOUIS JOURDAN REALLY

I'M FAMILIAR WITH THE MONACO.
IS LOUIS JOURDAN REALLY
FRENCH?

IS LOUIS JOURDAN REALLY
FRENCH?
WHAT?

FRENCH?
WHAT?
WELL, LIKE, I SAW "GIGI," AND

WHAT?
WELL, LIKE, I SAW "GIGI," AND
HIS ACCENT SEEMED REALLY KIND OF

WELL, LIKE, I SAW "GIGI," AND
HIS ACCENT SEEMED REALLY KIND OF
FAKEY TO ME, YOU KNOW?

HIS ACCENT SEEMED REALLY KIND OF
FAKEY TO ME, YOU KNOW?
UH, I GOT A QUESTION,

FAKEY TO ME, YOU KNOW?
UH, I GOT A QUESTION,
MR. RADER.

UH, I GOT A QUESTION,
MR. RADER.
LET ME ASK YOU THIS.

MR. RADER.
LET ME ASK YOU THIS.
NADER.

LET ME ASK YOU THIS.
NADER.
UH, YEAH.

NADER.
UH, YEAH.
I'M STEREO HUNTING.

UH, YEAH.
I'M STEREO HUNTING.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS?

I'M STEREO HUNTING.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS?
UH, KENMORE 2002 AMP.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS?
UH, KENMORE 2002 AMP.
TBL TURNTABLE AND SOME SPEAKERS.

UH, KENMORE 2002 AMP.
TBL TURNTABLE AND SOME SPEAKERS.
UH, MS. WEISS, YOU HAD A

TBL TURNTABLE AND SOME SPEAKERS.
UH, MS. WEISS, YOU HAD A
QUESTION?

UH, MS. WEISS, YOU HAD A
QUESTION?
OH, YES.

QUESTION?
OH, YES.
HI, MR. NADER.

OH, YES.
HI, MR. NADER.
IN THE COURSE OF YOUR RESEARCH,

HI, MR. NADER.
IN THE COURSE OF YOUR RESEARCH,
DID YOU ACTUALLY GET TO MEET

IN THE COURSE OF YOUR RESEARCH,
DID YOU ACTUALLY GET TO MEET
RICARDO MONTALBAUM?

DID YOU ACTUALLY GET TO MEET
RICARDO MONTALBAUM?
I DON'T KNOW.

RICARDO MONTALBAUM?
I DON'T KNOW.
I MAY HAVE.

I DON'T KNOW.
I MAY HAVE.
WHAT'S HE LIKE IN PERSON?

I MAY HAVE.
WHAT'S HE LIKE IN PERSON?
IS HE REALLY STUCK-UP?

WHAT'S HE LIKE IN PERSON?
IS HE REALLY STUCK-UP?
MY BOYFRIEND, TONY, SAW HIM

IS HE REALLY STUCK-UP?
MY BOYFRIEND, TONY, SAW HIM
IN A RESTAURANT AND SAID HE

MY BOYFRIEND, TONY, SAW HIM
IN A RESTAURANT AND SAID HE
THINKS HE'S JOE COOL ON A STICK.

IN A RESTAURANT AND SAID HE
THINKS HE'S JOE COOL ON A STICK.
OH, YOU'RE KIDDING.

THINKS HE'S JOE COOL ON A STICK.
OH, YOU'RE KIDDING.
REALLY.

OH, YOU'RE KIDDING.
REALLY.
WELL, I FRANKLY DON'T KNOW.

REALLY.
WELL, I FRANKLY DON'T KNOW.
MR. ALDINI, DO YOU HAVE A

WELL, I FRANKLY DON'T KNOW.
MR. ALDINI, DO YOU HAVE A
QUESTION?

MR. ALDINI, DO YOU HAVE A
QUESTION?
I'M GONNA BACKTRACK TO THAT

QUESTION?
I'M GONNA BACKTRACK TO THAT
STEREO QUESTION YOU KIND OF

I'M GONNA BACKTRACK TO THAT
STEREO QUESTION YOU KIND OF
AVOIDED.

STEREO QUESTION YOU KIND OF
AVOIDED.
LIKE, IF I GAVE YOU THE MONEY

AVOIDED.
LIKE, IF I GAVE YOU THE MONEY
AND YOU LOOK AROUND, COULD YOU

LIKE, IF I GAVE YOU THE MONEY
AND YOU LOOK AROUND, COULD YOU
PICK ME UP A STEREO?

AND YOU LOOK AROUND, COULD YOU
PICK ME UP A STEREO?
COULD YOU SEND IT TO MY HOUSE?

PICK ME UP A STEREO?
COULD YOU SEND IT TO MY HOUSE?
'CAUSE MAYBE YOU COULD FIND A

COULD YOU SEND IT TO MY HOUSE?
'CAUSE MAYBE YOU COULD FIND A
REAL CHEAP ONE AT THE END OF THE

'CAUSE MAYBE YOU COULD FIND A
REAL CHEAP ONE AT THE END OF THE
SEMESTER OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

REAL CHEAP ONE AT THE END OF THE
SEMESTER OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
SECONDHAND, SEND IT TO ME?

SEMESTER OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
SECONDHAND, SEND IT TO ME?
I THINK PERHAPS THERE'S A

SECONDHAND, SEND IT TO ME?
I THINK PERHAPS THERE'S A
MISUNDERSTANDING HERE... A BASIC

I THINK PERHAPS THERE'S A
MISUNDERSTANDING HERE... A BASIC
ONE.

MISUNDERSTANDING HERE... A BASIC
ONE.
I'M A CONSUMER ADVOCATE.

ONE.
I'M A CONSUMER ADVOCATE.
MY RESEARCH GROUPS TRY TO

I'M A CONSUMER ADVOCATE.
MY RESEARCH GROUPS TRY TO
ENCOURAGE CITIZENS TO LEARN

MY RESEARCH GROUPS TRY TO
ENCOURAGE CITIZENS TO LEARN
ABOUT REAL PROBLEMS, LIKE

ENCOURAGE CITIZENS TO LEARN
ABOUT REAL PROBLEMS, LIKE
CIGARETTE SMOKING, ALCOHOLISM,

ABOUT REAL PROBLEMS, LIKE
CIGARETTE SMOKING, ALCOHOLISM,
DANGEROUS DRUGS, AIR AND WATER

CIGARETTE SMOKING, ALCOHOLISM,
DANGEROUS DRUGS, AIR AND WATER
POLLUTION, GOVERNMENT

DANGEROUS DRUGS, AIR AND WATER
POLLUTION, GOVERNMENT
CORRUPTION, CORPORATE CRIME, AND

POLLUTION, GOVERNMENT
CORRUPTION, CORPORATE CRIME, AND
TO REALLY WORK ON THESE

CORRUPTION, CORPORATE CRIME, AND
TO REALLY WORK ON THESE
PROBLEMS.

TO REALLY WORK ON THESE
PROBLEMS.
THAT'S ALL VERY WELL AND

PROBLEMS.
THAT'S ALL VERY WELL AND
GOOD, MR. NADER, BUT I THINK WE

THAT'S ALL VERY WELL AND
GOOD, MR. NADER, BUT I THINK WE
SHOULD GET BACK ON THE SUBJECT.

GOOD, MR. NADER, BUT I THINK WE
SHOULD GET BACK ON THE SUBJECT.
MR. ALDINI, YOU WERE SAYING?

SHOULD GET BACK ON THE SUBJECT.
MR. ALDINI, YOU WERE SAYING?
YEAH.

MR. ALDINI, YOU WERE SAYING?
YEAH.
WELL, ON THAT VERY SUBJECT, I'LL

YEAH.
WELL, ON THAT VERY SUBJECT, I'LL
GIVE YOU A GOOD ONE.

WELL, ON THAT VERY SUBJECT, I'LL
GIVE YOU A GOOD ONE.
THIS BUDDY OF MY DAD'S FOUND A

GIVE YOU A GOOD ONE.
THIS BUDDY OF MY DAD'S FOUND A
DEAD MOUSE IN A POP BOTTLE.

THIS BUDDY OF MY DAD'S FOUND A
DEAD MOUSE IN A POP BOTTLE.
BUT HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT

DEAD MOUSE IN A POP BOTTLE.
BUT HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT
IT.

BUT HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT
IT.
I THINK HE JUST THREW IT DOWN IN

IT.
I THINK HE JUST THREW IT DOWN IN
THE BASEMENT OR SOMETHING.

I THINK HE JUST THREW IT DOWN IN
THE BASEMENT OR SOMETHING.
IF WE FOUND THE BOTTLE AND MAYBE

THE BASEMENT OR SOMETHING.
IF WE FOUND THE BOTTLE AND MAYBE
GAVE IT TO YOUR GROUP, COULD

IF WE FOUND THE BOTTLE AND MAYBE
GAVE IT TO YOUR GROUP, COULD
THEY TAKE IT BACK TO THE COMPANY

GAVE IT TO YOUR GROUP, COULD
THEY TAKE IT BACK TO THE COMPANY
AND GET MONEY FOR IT?

THEY TAKE IT BACK TO THE COMPANY
AND GET MONEY FOR IT?
MR. NADER, IF JESUS CHRIST

AND GET MONEY FOR IT?
MR. NADER, IF JESUS CHRIST
FOUGHT SUPERMAN, WHO DO YOU

MR. NADER, IF JESUS CHRIST
FOUGHT SUPERMAN, WHO DO YOU
THINK WOULD WIN?

FOUGHT SUPERMAN, WHO DO YOU
THINK WOULD WIN?
AH!

THINK WOULD WIN?
AH!
OH, UM... UM, HI, MR. NADER.

AH!
OH, UM... UM, HI, MR. NADER.
I KNOW WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF

OH, UM... UM, HI, MR. NADER.
I KNOW WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF
TIME, BUT IS A DOG'S MOUTH

I KNOW WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF
TIME, BUT IS A DOG'S MOUTH
REALLY CLEANER THAN A HUMAN'S?

TIME, BUT IS A DOG'S MOUTH
REALLY CLEANER THAN A HUMAN'S?
TRUE, WE ARE ALMOST RUNNING

REALLY CLEANER THAN A HUMAN'S?
TRUE, WE ARE ALMOST RUNNING
OUT OF TIME.

TRUE, WE ARE ALMOST RUNNING
OUT OF TIME.
SO IN CLOSING, RALPH, WHAT NEXT?

OUT OF TIME.
SO IN CLOSING, RALPH, WHAT NEXT?
WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?

SO IN CLOSING, RALPH, WHAT NEXT?
WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?
WELL...

WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?
WELL...
SURE, YOU CAN TALK ABOUT

WELL...
SURE, YOU CAN TALK ABOUT
THESE ISSUES, BUT WHEN ARE WE

SURE, YOU CAN TALK ABOUT
THESE ISSUES, BUT WHEN ARE WE
GOING TO GET DOWN TO THE BRASS

THESE ISSUES, BUT WHEN ARE WE
GOING TO GET DOWN TO THE BRASS
TACKS AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT?

GOING TO GET DOWN TO THE BRASS
TACKS AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT?
WELL, THAT'S ABOUT IT FOR

TACKS AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT?
WELL, THAT'S ABOUT IT FOR
TONIGHT.

WELL, THAT'S ABOUT IT FOR
TONIGHT.
OH, NO. WAIT.

TONIGHT.
OH, NO. WAIT.
WE HAVE TIME FOR ONE MORE

OH, NO. WAIT.
WE HAVE TIME FOR ONE MORE
QUESTION.

WE HAVE TIME FOR ONE MORE
QUESTION.
MS. NORWALK.

QUESTION.
MS. NORWALK.
MR. NADER, IF YOU COULD BE

MS. NORWALK.
MR. NADER, IF YOU COULD BE
ANY KIND OF ANIMAL YOU WANTED TO

MR. NADER, IF YOU COULD BE
ANY KIND OF ANIMAL YOU WANTED TO
BE, WHAT WOULD YOU BE?

ANY KIND OF ANIMAL YOU WANTED TO
BE, WHAT WOULD YOU BE?
[LAUGHS]

BE, WHAT WOULD YOU BE?
[LAUGHS]
A PORPOISE?

[LAUGHS]
A PORPOISE?
WE'RE ALL OUT OF TIME.

A PORPOISE?
WE'RE ALL OUT OF TIME.
GOOD NIGHT.

WE'RE ALL OUT OF TIME.
GOOD NIGHT.
THAT WAS VERY NICE.

SANDWICHES AGAIN TONIGHT?
YOU KNOW I CAN'T STRETCH THE
FOOD BUDGET ANY FURTHER.

YOU KNOW I CAN'T STRETCH THE
FOOD BUDGET ANY FURTHER.
WHY DON'T YOU GET A BETTER JOB?

FOOD BUDGET ANY FURTHER.
WHY DON'T YOU GET A BETTER JOB?
ARE YOU STUCK IN A

WHY DON'T YOU GET A BETTER JOB?
ARE YOU STUCK IN A
GO-NOWHERE, DO-NOTHING JOB?

ARE YOU STUCK IN A
GO-NOWHERE, DO-NOTHING JOB?
IF SO, THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO

GO-NOWHERE, DO-NOTHING JOB?
IF SO, THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO
START AN EXCITING CAREER IN THE

IF SO, THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO
START AN EXCITING CAREER IN THE
WORLD OF INTERNATIONAL DIPLOMACY

START AN EXCITING CAREER IN THE
WORLD OF INTERNATIONAL DIPLOMACY
AS AN AMBASSADOR TO A FOREIGN

WORLD OF INTERNATIONAL DIPLOMACY
AS AN AMBASSADOR TO A FOREIGN
COUNTRY BY ENROLLING NOW AT THE

AS AN AMBASSADOR TO A FOREIGN
COUNTRY BY ENROLLING NOW AT THE
AMBASSADOR TRAINING INSTITUTE.

COUNTRY BY ENROLLING NOW AT THE
AMBASSADOR TRAINING INSTITUTE.
AMBASSADORS LIVE IN LUXURY AND

AMBASSADOR TRAINING INSTITUTE.
AMBASSADORS LIVE IN LUXURY AND
GET TO MINGLE WITH GLAMOROUS

AMBASSADORS LIVE IN LUXURY AND
GET TO MINGLE WITH GLAMOROUS
CELEBRITIES, ROYALTY, AND THE

GET TO MINGLE WITH GLAMOROUS
CELEBRITIES, ROYALTY, AND THE
SOCIAL ELITE.

CELEBRITIES, ROYALTY, AND THE
SOCIAL ELITE.
AND THEY DON'T HAVE TO PICK UP

SOCIAL ELITE.
AND THEY DON'T HAVE TO PICK UP
AFTER THEMSELVES.

AND THEY DON'T HAVE TO PICK UP
AFTER THEMSELVES.
AMBASSADORS HAVE A LOT OF

AFTER THEMSELVES.
AMBASSADORS HAVE A LOT OF
PRESTIGE AND INFLUENCE.

AMBASSADORS HAVE A LOT OF
PRESTIGE AND INFLUENCE.
THEY PUT IN LONG HOURS WITHOUT

PRESTIGE AND INFLUENCE.
THEY PUT IN LONG HOURS WITHOUT
WORKING HARD.

THEY PUT IN LONG HOURS WITHOUT
WORKING HARD.
AND THEY'RE OFTEN THE CENTER OF

WORKING HARD.
AND THEY'RE OFTEN THE CENTER OF
ATTENTION.

AND THEY'RE OFTEN THE CENTER OF
ATTENTION.
AND THE FOOD... FANTASTIC!

ATTENTION.
AND THE FOOD... FANTASTIC!
AMBASSADORS DINE ON THE FINEST

AND THE FOOD... FANTASTIC!
AMBASSADORS DINE ON THE FINEST
GOURMET FOOD AT BIG, FANCY

AMBASSADORS DINE ON THE FINEST
GOURMET FOOD AT BIG, FANCY
DINNER PARTIES IN PALACES AND

GOURMET FOOD AT BIG, FANCY
DINNER PARTIES IN PALACES AND
EMBASSIES AND TRADE CENTERS.

DINNER PARTIES IN PALACES AND
EMBASSIES AND TRADE CENTERS.
TO SEE IF YOU QUALIFY FOR A

EMBASSIES AND TRADE CENTERS.
TO SEE IF YOU QUALIFY FOR A
CAREER IN DIPLOMACY, TAKE THIS

TO SEE IF YOU QUALIFY FOR A
CAREER IN DIPLOMACY, TAKE THIS
EASY TEST RIGHT NOW IN THE

CAREER IN DIPLOMACY, TAKE THIS
EASY TEST RIGHT NOW IN THE
PRIVACY OF YOUR OWN HOME.

EASY TEST RIGHT NOW IN THE
PRIVACY OF YOUR OWN HOME.
LISTEN CLOSELY.

PRIVACY OF YOUR OWN HOME.
LISTEN CLOSELY.
YOU ARE HAVING DINNER WITH SOME

LISTEN CLOSELY.
YOU ARE HAVING DINNER WITH SOME
FOREIGN DIGNITARIES, AND SOMEONE

YOU ARE HAVING DINNER WITH SOME
FOREIGN DIGNITARIES, AND SOMEONE
SAYS SOMETHING ANTI-AMERICAN.

FOREIGN DIGNITARIES, AND SOMEONE
SAYS SOMETHING ANTI-AMERICAN.
YOU...

YOU'D BE SURPRISED HOW MANY
PEOPLE SAY "A."
BUT IF YOU SAID "B," THEN YOU

PEOPLE SAY "A."
BUT IF YOU SAID "B," THEN YOU
HAVE THE ABILITY TO MAKE QUICK

BUT IF YOU SAID "B," THEN YOU
HAVE THE ABILITY TO MAKE QUICK
DECISIONS ON YOUR FEET.

HAVE THE ABILITY TO MAKE QUICK
DECISIONS ON YOUR FEET.
WHEN YOU ENROLL AT

DECISIONS ON YOUR FEET.
WHEN YOU ENROLL AT
AMBASSADOR TRAINING INSTITUTE,

WHEN YOU ENROLL AT
AMBASSADOR TRAINING INSTITUTE,
YOU'LL LEARN HOW TO ACCEPT GIFTS

AMBASSADOR TRAINING INSTITUTE,
YOU'LL LEARN HOW TO ACCEPT GIFTS
GRACIOUSLY, HOW TO PROPOSE

YOU'LL LEARN HOW TO ACCEPT GIFTS
GRACIOUSLY, HOW TO PROPOSE
TOASTS, YOU'LL USE PHRASES LIKE

GRACIOUSLY, HOW TO PROPOSE
TOASTS, YOU'LL USE PHRASES LIKE
"DELIGHTED TO SEE YOU AGAIN,"

TOASTS, YOU'LL USE PHRASES LIKE
"DELIGHTED TO SEE YOU AGAIN,"
"I'LL ASK THE SECRETARY OF

"DELIGHTED TO SEE YOU AGAIN,"
"I'LL ASK THE SECRETARY OF
STATE," AND "PASS THE SWEET AND

"I'LL ASK THE SECRETARY OF
STATE," AND "PASS THE SWEET AND
SOUR SHRIMP."

STATE," AND "PASS THE SWEET AND
SOUR SHRIMP."
NOW HERE'S HOW TO GET YOUR FREE

SOUR SHRIMP."
NOW HERE'S HOW TO GET YOUR FREE
BOOKLET.

NOW HERE'S HOW TO GET YOUR FREE
BOOKLET.
JUST SEND $300,000 AND THE NAME

BOOKLET.
JUST SEND $300,000 AND THE NAME
OF THE COUNTRY TO WHICH YOU'D

JUST SEND $300,000 AND THE NAME
OF THE COUNTRY TO WHICH YOU'D
LIKE TO BE AMBASSADOR TO...

[SLOW MUSIC PLAYS]
WELL, IT'S BEEN A FUN
EVENING.

WELL, IT'S BEEN A FUN
EVENING.
NOT AN EASY EVENING.

EVENING.
NOT AN EASY EVENING.
BITING HUMOR.

NOT AN EASY EVENING.
BITING HUMOR.
[LAUGHS]

BITING HUMOR.
[LAUGHS]
TAKE THAT, TOM SNYDER.

[LAUGHS]
TAKE THAT, TOM SNYDER.
AND THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH.

TAKE THAT, TOM SNYDER.
AND THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH.
GOOD SPORT.

AND THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH.
GOOD SPORT.
THANK YOU FOR THE CAST.

GOOD SPORT.
THANK YOU FOR THE CAST.
GOOD NIGHT, JOHN!

THANK YOU FOR THE CAST.
GOOD NIGHT, JOHN!
JOHN BELUSHI, GET WELL.

GOOD NIGHT, JOHN!
JOHN BELUSHI, GET WELL.
DON'T DEFY THE LAWS OF GRAVITY.

JOHN BELUSHI, GET WELL.
DON'T DEFY THE LAWS OF GRAVITY.
BREAK A LEG, JOHN.

DON'T DEFY THE LAWS OF GRAVITY.
BREAK A LEG, JOHN.
HAVE SOME PEANUTS.

BREAK A LEG, JOHN.
HAVE SOME PEANUTS.
GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY!

HAVE SOME PEANUTS.
GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY!
PEANUTS!

GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY!
PEANUTS!
[APPLAUSE]

PEANUTS!
[APPLAUSE]
[BAND PLAYS]

Announcer: JOINING TONIGHT'S

CAST WAS BILL MURRAY.

NEXT SATURDAY NIGHT, OUR HOST

WILL BE RUTH GORDON, WITH

MUSICAL GUEST CHUCK BERRY.

THIS IS YOUR OLD CONSUMER

DON PARDO.

I DON'T CARE WHAT RALPH NADER

SAYS.

ON THE WAY HOME, I'M GONNA

CONSUME A HOT DOG.

I LOVE RODENT HAIR!