Saturday Night Live (1975–…): Season 1, Episode 9 - Elliott Gould/Anne Murray - full transcript

The host for the episode is Elliott Gould, and the musical guest is Anne Murray. The skits for this episode are as follows: A quartet of dead musicians perform a piece. Elliott Gould sings during his opening monologue. Gilda Radne...

Announcer: LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, THE DEAD STRING
QUARTET.

GENTLEMEN, THE DEAD STRING
QUARTET.
[LAUGHTER]

QUARTET.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]

-== [ www.OpenSubtitles.org ] ==-

[VIOLINS SQUEAK]

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!

LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
[BAND PLAYS]

Announcer: STARRING...

AND THE NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME
PLAYERS.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
ELLIOT GOULD.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WELL, I JUST GOT IN, AND THIS
IS A LUCKY.
AND DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHO WON



IS A LUCKY.
AND DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHO WON
THE ISLANDER GAME?

AND DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHO WON
THE ISLANDER GAME?
OH, THEY WERE BEHIND THE

THE ISLANDER GAME?
OH, THEY WERE BEHIND THE
RUSSIANS 2-1.

OH, THEY WERE BEHIND THE
RUSSIANS 2-1.
I KNOW IT'S OVER, BUT THE ISLAND

RUSSIANS 2-1.
I KNOW IT'S OVER, BUT THE ISLAND
IS WHERE I'M COMING FROM...

I KNOW IT'S OVER, BUT THE ISLAND
IS WHERE I'M COMING FROM...
BELLE HARBOR... AND, UH...

IS WHERE I'M COMING FROM...
BELLE HARBOR... AND, UH...
WELL, OKAY, I WENT BACK, GOT

BELLE HARBOR... AND, UH...
WELL, OKAY, I WENT BACK, GOT
SOME OLD MUSIC.

WELL, OKAY, I WENT BACK, GOT
SOME OLD MUSIC.
PAUL SHAFFER'S GONNA PLAY FOR

SOME OLD MUSIC.
PAUL SHAFFER'S GONNA PLAY FOR
ME.

PAUL SHAFFER'S GONNA PLAY FOR
ME.
OKAY.

ME.
OKAY.
[APPLAUSE]

OKAY.
[APPLAUSE]
HA!

[APPLAUSE]
HA!
♪ LA LA ♪



HA!
♪ LA LA ♪
♪ AS YOU LISTEN TO THE BAND,

♪ LA LA ♪
♪ AS YOU LISTEN TO THE BAND,
DON'T YOU GET A BUBBLE? ♪

♪ AS YOU LISTEN TO THE BAND,
DON'T YOU GET A BUBBLE? ♪
♪ AS YOU LISTEN TO THEM PLAY,

DON'T YOU GET A BUBBLE? ♪
♪ AS YOU LISTEN TO THEM PLAY,
DON'T YOU GET A GLOW? ♪

♪ AS YOU LISTEN TO THEM PLAY,
DON'T YOU GET A GLOW? ♪
♪ WHEN YOU STEP OUT

DON'T YOU GET A GLOW? ♪
♪ WHEN YOU STEP OUT
ON THE FLOOR ♪

♪ WHEN YOU STEP OUT
ON THE FLOOR ♪
♪ YOU'LL FORGET YOUR TROUBLE ♪

ON THE FLOOR ♪
♪ YOU'LL FORGET YOUR TROUBLE ♪
♪ IF YOU GO INTO YOUR DANCE,

♪ YOU'LL FORGET YOUR TROUBLE ♪
♪ IF YOU GO INTO YOUR DANCE,
YOU'LL FORGET YOUR WOE ♪

♪ IF YOU GO INTO YOUR DANCE,
YOU'LL FORGET YOUR WOE ♪
♪ SO ♪

YOU'LL FORGET YOUR WOE ♪
♪ SO ♪
♪ COME GET TOGETHER ♪

♪ SO ♪
♪ COME GET TOGETHER ♪
♪ LET THE DANCE FLOOR

♪ COME GET TOGETHER ♪
♪ LET THE DANCE FLOOR
FEEL YOUR LEATHER ♪

♪ LET THE DANCE FLOOR
FEEL YOUR LEATHER ♪
♪ STEP AS LIGHTLY AS A FEATHER ♪

FEEL YOUR LEATHER ♪
♪ STEP AS LIGHTLY AS A FEATHER ♪
♪ LET YOURSELF GO ♪

♪ STEP AS LIGHTLY AS A FEATHER ♪
♪ LET YOURSELF GO ♪
♪ COME ♪

♪ LET YOURSELF GO ♪
♪ COME ♪
♪ HIT THE TIMBER ♪

♪ COME ♪
♪ HIT THE TIMBER ♪
♪ LOOSEN UP AND START

♪ HIT THE TIMBER ♪
♪ LOOSEN UP AND START
TO LIMBER ♪

♪ LOOSEN UP AND START
TO LIMBER ♪
♪ CAN'T YOU HEAR THAT

TO LIMBER ♪
♪ CAN'T YOU HEAR THAT
HOT MARIMBA? ♪

♪ CAN'T YOU HEAR THAT
HOT MARIMBA? ♪
♪ LET YOURSELF GO ♪

HOT MARIMBA? ♪
♪ LET YOURSELF GO ♪
♪ NOW, LET YOURSELF GO ♪

♪ LET YOURSELF GO ♪
♪ NOW, LET YOURSELF GO ♪
♪ RELAX ♪

♪ NOW, LET YOURSELF GO ♪
♪ RELAX ♪
♪ AND LET YOURSELF GO ♪

♪ RELAX ♪
♪ AND LET YOURSELF GO ♪
♪ RELAX ♪

♪ AND LET YOURSELF GO ♪
♪ RELAX ♪
♪ YOU GOT YOURSELF TIED UP

♪ RELAX ♪
♪ YOU GOT YOURSELF TIED UP
IN A KNOT ♪

♪ YOU GOT YOURSELF TIED UP
IN A KNOT ♪
♪ THE NIGHT IS COLD

IN A KNOT ♪
♪ THE NIGHT IS COLD
BUT THE MUSIC'S HOT ♪

♪ THE NIGHT IS COLD
BUT THE MUSIC'S HOT ♪
♪ SO ♪

BUT THE MUSIC'S HOT ♪
♪ SO ♪
♪ CUDDLE CLOSER ♪

♪ SO ♪
♪ CUDDLE CLOSER ♪
♪ DON'T YOU DARE TO ANSWER,

♪ CUDDLE CLOSER ♪
♪ DON'T YOU DARE TO ANSWER,
"NO, SIR" ♪

♪ DON'T YOU DARE TO ANSWER,
"NO, SIR" ♪
♪ BUTCHER, BAKER,

"NO, SIR" ♪
♪ BUTCHER, BAKER,
CLERK, OR GROCER ♪

♪ BUTCHER, BAKER,
CLERK, OR GROCER ♪
♪ LET YOURSELF GO ♪

CLERK, OR GROCER ♪
♪ LET YOURSELF GO ♪
♪ CRAZY RHYTHM,

♪ LET YOURSELF GO ♪
♪ CRAZY RHYTHM,
HERE'S THE DOORWAY ♪

♪ CRAZY RHYTHM,
HERE'S THE DOORWAY ♪
♪ YOU BE YOUR WAY,

HERE'S THE DOORWAY ♪
♪ YOU BE YOUR WAY,
I'LL GO MY WAY ♪

♪ YOU BE YOUR WAY,
I'LL GO MY WAY ♪
♪ CRAZY RHYTHM,

I'LL GO MY WAY ♪
♪ CRAZY RHYTHM,
HERE'S GOODBYE TO YOU ♪

♪ CRAZY RHYTHM,
HERE'S GOODBYE TO YOU ♪
♪ HERE IS WHERE WE HAVE

HERE'S GOODBYE TO YOU ♪
♪ HERE IS WHERE WE HAVE
A SHOWDOWN ♪

♪ HERE IS WHERE WE HAVE
A SHOWDOWN ♪
♪ YOU'RE TOO HIGH-HAT,

A SHOWDOWN ♪
♪ YOU'RE TOO HIGH-HAT,
I'M TOO LOW-DOWN ♪

♪ YOU'RE TOO HIGH-HAT,
I'M TOO LOW-DOWN ♪
♪ CRAZY RHYTHM,

I'M TOO LOW-DOWN ♪
♪ CRAZY RHYTHM,
HERE'S GOODBYE TO YOU ♪

♪ CRAZY RHYTHM,
HERE'S GOODBYE TO YOU ♪
SUSPENDERS.

HERE'S GOODBYE TO YOU ♪
SUSPENDERS.
♪ THEY SAY THAT WHEN A HIGHBROW

SUSPENDERS.
♪ THEY SAY THAT WHEN A HIGHBROW
MEETS A LOWBROW ♪

♪ THEY SAY THAT WHEN A HIGHBROW
MEETS A LOWBROW ♪
♪ WALKIN' ALONG BROADWAY ♪

MEETS A LOWBROW ♪
♪ WALKIN' ALONG BROADWAY ♪
♪ SOON THE HIGHBROW,

♪ WALKIN' ALONG BROADWAY ♪
♪ SOON THE HIGHBROW,
HE GOT NO BROW ♪

♪ SOON THE HIGHBROW,
HE GOT NO BROW ♪
♪ AIN'T IT A SHAME? ♪

HE GOT NO BROW ♪
♪ AIN'T IT A SHAME? ♪
♪ YOU ARE TO BLAME ♪

♪ AIN'T IT A SHAME? ♪
♪ YOU ARE TO BLAME ♪
♪ WHAT'S THE USE

♪ YOU ARE TO BLAME ♪
♪ WHAT'S THE USE
OF PROHIBITION? ♪

♪ WHAT'S THE USE
OF PROHIBITION? ♪
♪ YOU PRODUCE

OF PROHIBITION? ♪
♪ YOU PRODUCE
THE SAME CONDITION ♪

♪ YOU PRODUCE
THE SAME CONDITION ♪
♪ CRAZY RHYTHM,

THE SAME CONDITION ♪
♪ CRAZY RHYTHM,
I'VE GONE CRAZY, TOO ♪

AH, GILDA, THANKS FOR THE GUM.
OH, YOU'RE WELCOME.
YOU OKAY?

OH, YOU'RE WELCOME.
YOU OKAY?
YEAH.

YOU OKAY?
YEAH.
ELLIOT, I JUST WANTED TO TELL

YEAH.
ELLIOT, I JUST WANTED TO TELL
YOU I HAD A WONDERFUL TIME LAST

ELLIOT, I JUST WANTED TO TELL
YOU I HAD A WONDERFUL TIME LAST
NIGHT.

YOU I HAD A WONDERFUL TIME LAST
NIGHT.
THANK YOU.

NIGHT.
THANK YOU.
ME TOO. I HAD A BALL.

THANK YOU.
ME TOO. I HAD A BALL.
REALLY?

ME TOO. I HAD A BALL.
REALLY?
UH-HUH.

REALLY?
UH-HUH.
YOU KNOW, UM, UH...

UH-HUH.
YOU KNOW, UM, UH...
AFTER YOU LEFT MY PLACE THIS

YOU KNOW, UM, UH...
AFTER YOU LEFT MY PLACE THIS
MORNING, I WAS A LITTLE NERVOUS

AFTER YOU LEFT MY PLACE THIS
MORNING, I WAS A LITTLE NERVOUS
ABOUT SEEING YOU TODAY.

MORNING, I WAS A LITTLE NERVOUS
ABOUT SEEING YOU TODAY.
BUT I DON'T FEEL GUILTY OR

ABOUT SEEING YOU TODAY.
BUT I DON'T FEEL GUILTY OR
ANYTHING, 'CAUSE I KNOW I LIKE

BUT I DON'T FEEL GUILTY OR
ANYTHING, 'CAUSE I KNOW I LIKE
YOU.

ANYTHING, 'CAUSE I KNOW I LIKE
YOU.
AND YOU SAID YOU LIKE ME, RIGHT?

YOU.
AND YOU SAID YOU LIKE ME, RIGHT?
SURE DO.

AND YOU SAID YOU LIKE ME, RIGHT?
SURE DO.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING AFTER THE

SURE DO.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING AFTER THE
SHOW?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING AFTER THE
SHOW?
TONIGHT?

SHOW?
TONIGHT?
YEAH.

TONIGHT?
YEAH.
AW, GILDA, I'VE GOT TO FLY

YEAH.
AW, GILDA, I'VE GOT TO FLY
RIGHT BACK TO CALIFORNIA IN THE

AW, GILDA, I'VE GOT TO FLY
RIGHT BACK TO CALIFORNIA IN THE
MORNING.

RIGHT BACK TO CALIFORNIA IN THE
MORNING.
SO I GOT TO GO BACK TO MY HOTEL,

MORNING.
SO I GOT TO GO BACK TO MY HOTEL,
PACK, AND THEN I THOUGHT I'D

SO I GOT TO GO BACK TO MY HOTEL,
PACK, AND THEN I THOUGHT I'D
JUST GO TO SLEEP.

PACK, AND THEN I THOUGHT I'D
JUST GO TO SLEEP.
OH, OKAY.

JUST GO TO SLEEP.
OH, OKAY.
UH, LOOK, I'M A GROWN WOMAN.

OH, OKAY.
UH, LOOK, I'M A GROWN WOMAN.
I UNDERSTAND HOW THINGS HAPPEN

UH, LOOK, I'M A GROWN WOMAN.
I UNDERSTAND HOW THINGS HAPPEN
BETWEEN PEOPLE.

I UNDERSTAND HOW THINGS HAPPEN
BETWEEN PEOPLE.
AND I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT

BETWEEN PEOPLE.
AND I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT
I MEANT EVERYTHING I SAID LAST

AND I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT
I MEANT EVERYTHING I SAID LAST
NIGHT.

I MEANT EVERYTHING I SAID LAST
NIGHT.
ME TOO.

NIGHT.
ME TOO.
REALLY?

ME TOO.
REALLY?
OKAY. BYE.

REALLY?
OKAY. BYE.
OKAY.

OKAY. BYE.
OKAY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS

OKAY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS
MESSAGE.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS
MESSAGE.
[PIANO PLAYS]

MESSAGE.
[PIANO PLAYS]
WE'RE HERE AT

[PIANO PLAYS]
WE'RE HERE AT
INTERNATIONAL FALLS, MINNESOTA,

WE'RE HERE AT
INTERNATIONAL FALLS, MINNESOTA,
WHERE WE PURPOSELY LEFT THE

INTERNATIONAL FALLS, MINNESOTA,
WHERE WE PURPOSELY LEFT THE
PACEMAKERS OF THESE FIVE

WHERE WE PURPOSELY LEFT THE
PACEMAKERS OF THESE FIVE
GERIATRICS ON ALL NIGHT, JUST TO

PACEMAKERS OF THESE FIVE
GERIATRICS ON ALL NIGHT, JUST TO
PROVE THAT THE TRY-HARD 1-11

GERIATRICS ON ALL NIGHT, JUST TO
PROVE THAT THE TRY-HARD 1-11
BATTERY CAN WITHSTAND EVEN THE

PROVE THAT THE TRY-HARD 1-11
BATTERY CAN WITHSTAND EVEN THE
MOST ADVERSE CONDITIONS.

BATTERY CAN WITHSTAND EVEN THE
MOST ADVERSE CONDITIONS.
[INSECTS CHIRPING]

MOST ADVERSE CONDITIONS.
[INSECTS CHIRPING]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]

[INSECTS CHIRPING]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
THE NEXT MORNING, ALL GERIATRICS

[BIRDS CHIRPING]
THE NEXT MORNING, ALL GERIATRICS
HAVE TROUBLE GETTING STARTED,

THE NEXT MORNING, ALL GERIATRICS
HAVE TROUBLE GETTING STARTED,
BUT NOT THE ONE WITH THE 1-11.

THE TRY-HARD 1-11... PICKS UP

WHERE YOUR HEART LEFT OFF.

[DOORBELL RINGS]
COMING.
[DOORBELL RINGS]

COMING.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
JUST A MINUTE.

[DOORBELL RINGS]
JUST A MINUTE.
WHO IS IT, HONEY?

JUST A MINUTE.
WHO IS IT, HONEY?
I HAVE NO IDEA.

WHO IS IT, HONEY?
I HAVE NO IDEA.
[POUNDING ON DOOR]

I HAVE NO IDEA.
[POUNDING ON DOOR]
MORNING, MA'AM.

[POUNDING ON DOOR]
MORNING, MA'AM.
MORNING MA'AM.

MORNING, MA'AM.
MORNING MA'AM.
INTERIOR DEMOLITIONISTS.

MORNING MA'AM.
INTERIOR DEMOLITIONISTS.
YOU MRS. HENDERSON?

INTERIOR DEMOLITIONISTS.
YOU MRS. HENDERSON?
YEAH.

YOU MRS. HENDERSON?
YEAH.
INTERIOR DEMOLITIONISTS?

YEAH.
INTERIOR DEMOLITIONISTS?
YEAH.

INTERIOR DEMOLITIONISTS?
YEAH.
WHERE DO YOU WANT US TO BEGIN?

YEAH.
WHERE DO YOU WANT US TO BEGIN?
HONEY, DID YOU SEND FOR

WHERE DO YOU WANT US TO BEGIN?
HONEY, DID YOU SEND FOR
INTERIOR DEMOLITIONISTS?

HONEY, DID YOU SEND FOR
INTERIOR DEMOLITIONISTS?
I CAN'T HEAR WHAT YOU'RE

INTERIOR DEMOLITIONISTS?
I CAN'T HEAR WHAT YOU'RE
SAYING, HONEY.

I CAN'T HEAR WHAT YOU'RE
SAYING, HONEY.
I'M IN THE SHOWER.

SAYING, HONEY.
I'M IN THE SHOWER.
DID YOU SEND FOR INTERIOR

I'M IN THE SHOWER.
DID YOU SEND FOR INTERIOR
DEMOLITIONISTS?

DID YOU SEND FOR INTERIOR
DEMOLITIONISTS?
WHAT?

DEMOLITIONISTS?
WHAT?
YOU W... YOU WANT SOME COFFEE?

WHAT?
YOU W... YOU WANT SOME COFFEE?
OH, YEAH, GREAT.

YOU W... YOU WANT SOME COFFEE?
OH, YEAH, GREAT.
NO COFFEE FOR ME, THANK YOU.

OH, YEAH, GREAT.
NO COFFEE FOR ME, THANK YOU.
WELL, YOU JUST LEAVE THIS TO

NO COFFEE FOR ME, THANK YOU.
WELL, YOU JUST LEAVE THIS TO
US, MRS. HENDERSON, YOU KNOW?

WELL, YOU JUST LEAVE THIS TO
US, MRS. HENDERSON, YOU KNOW?
WE GOT A LOT OF EXPERIENCE.

US, MRS. HENDERSON, YOU KNOW?
WE GOT A LOT OF EXPERIENCE.
BEAUTIFUL CLOCK, MA'AM.

WE GOT A LOT OF EXPERIENCE.
BEAUTIFUL CLOCK, MA'AM.
OH, YEAH.

BEAUTIFUL CLOCK, MA'AM.
OH, YEAH.
IT'S AUSTRIAN.

OH, YEAH.
IT'S AUSTRIAN.
IT'S BEEN IN THE FAMILY FOR...

IT'S AUSTRIAN.
IT'S BEEN IN THE FAMILY FOR...
IT'S JUST BEAUTIFUL.

IT'S BEEN IN THE FAMILY FOR...
IT'S JUST BEAUTIFUL.
ARE YOU SURE YOU HAVE THE

IT'S JUST BEAUTIFUL.
ARE YOU SURE YOU HAVE THE
RIGHT HOUSE?

ARE YOU SURE YOU HAVE THE
RIGHT HOUSE?
UH, BOSS, I THINK WE'RE

RIGHT HOUSE?
UH, BOSS, I THINK WE'RE
PRETTY MUCH READY FOR YOU HERE

UH, BOSS, I THINK WE'RE
PRETTY MUCH READY FOR YOU HERE
OVER ON THE TV.

PRETTY MUCH READY FOR YOU HERE
OVER ON THE TV.
MY HUSBAND DOESN'T TELL ME

OVER ON THE TV.
MY HUSBAND DOESN'T TELL ME
ANYTHING, AND I THOUGHT, YOU

MY HUSBAND DOESN'T TELL ME
ANYTHING, AND I THOUGHT, YOU
KNOW, MAYBE YOU COULD HAVE

ANYTHING, AND I THOUGHT, YOU
KNOW, MAYBE YOU COULD HAVE
GOTTEN THE WRONG HOUSE.

KNOW, MAYBE YOU COULD HAVE
GOTTEN THE WRONG HOUSE.
THE PEOPLE NEXT DOOR...

NO PROBLEM THERE.
YOU KNOW, IT'S REALLY FUNNY.
MY HUSBAND SOUNDS LIKE A LOT OF

YOU KNOW, IT'S REALLY FUNNY.
MY HUSBAND SOUNDS LIKE A LOT OF
PEOPLE ON THE PHONE.

MY HUSBAND SOUNDS LIKE A LOT OF
PEOPLE ON THE PHONE.
YOU COULD HAVE MISTAKEN HIM...

PEOPLE ON THE PHONE.
YOU COULD HAVE MISTAKEN HIM...
I GUESS WE BETTER TAKE CARE

YOU COULD HAVE MISTAKEN HIM...
I GUESS WE BETTER TAKE CARE
OF THIS STUFF BEFORE WE SET THE

I GUESS WE BETTER TAKE CARE
OF THIS STUFF BEFORE WE SET THE
EXPLOSIVES.

OF THIS STUFF BEFORE WE SET THE
EXPLOSIVES.
OH, WELL, YOU...

HONEY, DID YOU ORDER EXPLOSIVES?
[EXPLOSION]
OKAY, HONEY, I'LL BE OUT IN A

[EXPLOSION]
OKAY, HONEY, I'LL BE OUT IN A
MOMENT.

OKAY, HONEY, I'LL BE OUT IN A
MOMENT.
OKAY, BOSS.

MOMENT.
OKAY, BOSS.
FINISHED WITH THE GARAGE.

OKAY, BOSS.
FINISHED WITH THE GARAGE.
OKAY, WILLIE.

FINISHED WITH THE GARAGE.
OKAY, WILLIE.
WIRE THE SOFA.

OKAY, WILLIE.
WIRE THE SOFA.
GO WIRE THE SOFA, WILLIE.

WIRE THE SOFA.
GO WIRE THE SOFA, WILLIE.
DO YOU REALLY WANT TO WIRE

GO WIRE THE SOFA, WILLIE.
DO YOU REALLY WANT TO WIRE
THE SOFA?

DO YOU REALLY WANT TO WIRE
THE SOFA?
I JUST HAD IT RESTUFFED.

THE SOFA?
I JUST HAD IT RESTUFFED.
READY FOR YOU HERE, BOSS.

I JUST HAD IT RESTUFFED.
READY FOR YOU HERE, BOSS.
TAKE YOUR TIME.

READY FOR YOU HERE, BOSS.
TAKE YOUR TIME.
I'VE GOT THE LADDER.

WHAT IS THIS?
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?
MR. HENDERSON, WE'RE THE

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?
MR. HENDERSON, WE'RE THE
INTERIOR DEMOLITIONISTS.

MR. HENDERSON, WE'RE THE
INTERIOR DEMOLITIONISTS.
INTERIOR DEMOLITIONISTS?

INTERIOR DEMOLITIONISTS.
INTERIOR DEMOLITIONISTS?
YEAH.

INTERIOR DEMOLITIONISTS?
YEAH.
YOU EXPECT ME TO PAY FOR

YEAH.
YOU EXPECT ME TO PAY FOR
THIS?

YOU EXPECT ME TO PAY FOR
THIS?
EXCUSE ME, SIR.

THIS?
EXCUSE ME, SIR.
UH, WE HAVEN'T FINISHED YET.

EXCUSE ME, SIR.
UH, WE HAVEN'T FINISHED YET.
HAVEN'T FINISHED?

UH, WE HAVEN'T FINISHED YET.
HAVEN'T FINISHED?
YOU HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED.

HAVEN'T FINISHED?
YOU HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED.
GET OUT OF MY HOUSE.

YOU HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED.
GET OUT OF MY HOUSE.
GET OUT OF HERE.

GET OUT OF MY HOUSE.
GET OUT OF HERE.
WAIT ONE SECOND.

GET OUT OF HERE.
WAIT ONE SECOND.
YOU'RE PAYING US BY THE HOUR.

WAIT ONE SECOND.
YOU'RE PAYING US BY THE HOUR.
YOU MIGHT AS WELL LET US FINISH.

YOU'RE PAYING US BY THE HOUR.
YOU MIGHT AS WELL LET US FINISH.
WILLIE, HIT THE PLUNGER.

YOU MIGHT AS WELL LET US FINISH.
WILLIE, HIT THE PLUNGER.
OKAY.

WILLIE, HIT THE PLUNGER.
OKAY.
[GRUNTS]

OKAY, OUT.
OUT, OUT, GET OUT.
GET OUT. GET OUT.

OUT, OUT, GET OUT.
GET OUT. GET OUT.
OUT, OUT, OUT.

GET OUT. GET OUT.
OUT, OUT, OUT.
ALL OF YOU, GET OUT OF HERE.

OUT, OUT, OUT.
ALL OF YOU, GET OUT OF HERE.
MOVE. GET OUT.

ALL OF YOU, GET OUT OF HERE.
MOVE. GET OUT.
GET OUT OF MY HOUSE.

MOVE. GET OUT.
GET OUT OF MY HOUSE.
YOU WANT US TO SEND YOU AN

GET OUT OF MY HOUSE.
YOU WANT US TO SEND YOU AN
INVOICE OF THE BILL?

YOU WANT US TO SEND YOU AN
INVOICE OF THE BILL?
JUST GET OUT.

INVOICE OF THE BILL?
JUST GET OUT.
GET OUT OF MY HOUSE.

JUST GET OUT.
GET OUT OF MY HOUSE.
INTERIOR DEMOLITIONISTS.

GET OUT OF MY HOUSE.
INTERIOR DEMOLITIONISTS.
LOOK AT THIS.

INTERIOR DEMOLITIONISTS.
LOOK AT THIS.
INTERIOR DEMOLITIONISTS THEY

LOOK AT THIS.
INTERIOR DEMOLITIONISTS THEY
CALL THEMSELVES.

INTERIOR DEMOLITIONISTS THEY
CALL THEMSELVES.
LOOK AT THIS.

CALL THEMSELVES.
LOOK AT THIS.
LOOK AT THIS VASE.

LOOK AT THIS.
LOOK AT THIS VASE.
IT'S HARDLY EVEN CHIPPED.

LOOK AT THIS VASE.
IT'S HARDLY EVEN CHIPPED.
AT $500 AN HOUR, I EXPECT

IT'S HARDLY EVEN CHIPPED.
AT $500 AN HOUR, I EXPECT
RUBBLE, FRAGMENTS.

AT $500 AN HOUR, I EXPECT
RUBBLE, FRAGMENTS.
HONEY, YOU'RE SUCH A

RUBBLE, FRAGMENTS.
HONEY, YOU'RE SUCH A
PERFECTIONIST.

HONEY, YOU'RE SUCH A
PERFECTIONIST.
HERE.

SORRY I'M LATE, PEOPLE.
SORRY I'M LATE.
NOW, BEFORE WE BEGIN, I'D LIKE

SORRY I'M LATE.
NOW, BEFORE WE BEGIN, I'D LIKE
TO SAY THAT BECAUSE OF A

NOW, BEFORE WE BEGIN, I'D LIKE
TO SAY THAT BECAUSE OF A
PERSONAL COMMITMENT, GROUP WILL

TO SAY THAT BECAUSE OF A
PERSONAL COMMITMENT, GROUP WILL
START AT 8:00... THAT'S

PERSONAL COMMITMENT, GROUP WILL
START AT 8:00... THAT'S
8:00 AND NOT 7:00... NEXT

START AT 8:00... THAT'S
8:00 AND NOT 7:00... NEXT
TUESDAY, IF THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

8:00 AND NOT 7:00... NEXT
TUESDAY, IF THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
OKAY.

TUESDAY, IF THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
OKAY.
FINE.

OKAY.
FINE.
OKAY. WONDERFUL.

FINE.
OKAY. WONDERFUL.
NOW, WHEN WE LEFT OFF AT LAST

OKAY. WONDERFUL.
NOW, WHEN WE LEFT OFF AT LAST
WEEK'S SESSION, VITO WAS TELLING

NOW, WHEN WE LEFT OFF AT LAST
WEEK'S SESSION, VITO WAS TELLING
US ABOUT HIS FEELINGS TOWARD THE

WEEK'S SESSION, VITO WAS TELLING
US ABOUT HIS FEELINGS TOWARD THE
TATTAGLIA FAMILY.

US ABOUT HIS FEELINGS TOWARD THE
TATTAGLIA FAMILY.
VITO?

TATTAGLIA FAMILY.
VITO?
WELL...

VITO?
WELL...
THE TATTAGLIA FAMILY IS CAUSING

WELL...
THE TATTAGLIA FAMILY IS CAUSING
ME GREAT PERSONAL GRIEF.

THE TATTAGLIA FAMILY IS CAUSING
ME GREAT PERSONAL GRIEF.
ALSO...

ME GREAT PERSONAL GRIEF.
ALSO...
ALSO, ONE MORE THING.

ALSO...
ALSO, ONE MORE THING.
THINGS ARE NOT GOING SO WELL AT

ALSO, ONE MORE THING.
THINGS ARE NOT GOING SO WELL AT
MY OLIVE OIL COMPANY.

THINGS ARE NOT GOING SO WELL AT
MY OLIVE OIL COMPANY.
NO.

MY OLIVE OIL COMPANY.
NO.
SHERRY?

NO.
SHERRY?
OH, GOD, VITO.

SHERRY?
OH, GOD, VITO.
I THINK YOU'RE BLOCKING.

OH, GOD, VITO.
I THINK YOU'RE BLOCKING.
VITO?

I THINK YOU'RE BLOCKING.
VITO?
BLOCKING WHAT?

VITO?
BLOCKING WHAT?
YOUR TRUE FEELINGS ABOUT THE

BLOCKING WHAT?
YOUR TRUE FEELINGS ABOUT THE
TATTAGLIA FAMILY.

YOUR TRUE FEELINGS ABOUT THE
TATTAGLIA FAMILY.
VITO?

TATTAGLIA FAMILY.
VITO?
DO YOU WANT TO RESPOND?

VITO?
DO YOU WANT TO RESPOND?
ALL RIGHT.

DO YOU WANT TO RESPOND?
ALL RIGHT.
THE TATTAGLIA FAMILY IS MOVING

ALL RIGHT.
THE TATTAGLIA FAMILY IS MOVING
IN ON MY TERRITORY.

THE TATTAGLIA FAMILY IS MOVING
IN ON MY TERRITORY.
THEY'RE MOVING IN ON THE

IN ON MY TERRITORY.
THEY'RE MOVING IN ON THE
NUMBERS, PROSTITUTION, OUR

THEY'RE MOVING IN ON THE
NUMBERS, PROSTITUTION, OUR
RESTAURANT-LINEN SUPPLY.

NUMBERS, PROSTITUTION, OUR
RESTAURANT-LINEN SUPPLY.
NOW THEY WANT TO BRING IN DRUGS.

RESTAURANT-LINEN SUPPLY.
NOW THEY WANT TO BRING IN DRUGS.
ALSO, THEY SHOT MY SON SANTINO

NOW THEY WANT TO BRING IN DRUGS.
ALSO, THEY SHOT MY SON SANTINO
56 TIMES.

ALSO, THEY SHOT MY SON SANTINO
56 TIMES.
AH!

56 TIMES.
AH!
NOW WE'RE GETTING SOMEPLACE.

AH!
NOW WE'RE GETTING SOMEPLACE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?

NOW WE'RE GETTING SOMEPLACE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?
DRUGS? I'M AGAINST 'EM.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?
DRUGS? I'M AGAINST 'EM.
WE HAVE TO...

DRUGS? I'M AGAINST 'EM.
WE HAVE TO...
VITO, I'M NOT KIDDING.

WE HAVE TO...
VITO, I'M NOT KIDDING.
YOU'RE STILL BLOCKING YOUR REAL

VITO, I'M NOT KIDDING.
YOU'RE STILL BLOCKING YOUR REAL
FEELINGS.

YOU'RE STILL BLOCKING YOUR REAL
FEELINGS.
WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF IT?

FEELINGS.
WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF IT?
VITO?

WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF IT?
VITO?
WELL, THE RESTAURANT-LINEN

VITO?
WELL, THE RESTAURANT-LINEN
SUPPLY WAS NEVER A BIG

WELL, THE RESTAURANT-LINEN
SUPPLY WAS NEVER A BIG
MONEY-MAKER IN THE FIRST PLACE.

SUPPLY WAS NEVER A BIG
MONEY-MAKER IN THE FIRST PLACE.
YOU'RE HURTING, VITO, AND

MONEY-MAKER IN THE FIRST PLACE.
YOU'RE HURTING, VITO, AND
YOU'RE COVERING UP.

YOU'RE HURTING, VITO, AND
YOU'RE COVERING UP.
ALL RIGHT.

YOU'RE COVERING UP.
ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT. YOU'RE RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT. YOU'RE RIGHT.
IT'S HURTING ME.

ALL RIGHT. YOU'RE RIGHT.
IT'S HURTING ME.
NUMBERS ALONE... I'M LOSING

IT'S HURTING ME.
NUMBERS ALONE... I'M LOSING
15, 20 GRAND A WEEK.

NUMBERS ALONE... I'M LOSING
15, 20 GRAND A WEEK.
VITO, VITO, VITO.

15, 20 GRAND A WEEK.
VITO, VITO, VITO.
VITO, YOU'RE STILL BLOCKING.

VITO, VITO, VITO.
VITO, YOU'RE STILL BLOCKING.
NOW, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THEM

VITO, YOU'RE STILL BLOCKING.
NOW, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THEM
SHOOTING YOUR SON 56 TIMES?

NOW, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THEM
SHOOTING YOUR SON 56 TIMES?
SANTINO?

SHOOTING YOUR SON 56 TIMES?
SANTINO?
TERRIBLE.

SANTINO?
TERRIBLE.
WE HAD TO GO TO THE MATTRESSES.

TERRIBLE.
WE HAD TO GO TO THE MATTRESSES.
CLEMENZA SLEEPS WITH THE FISHES.

WE HAD TO GO TO THE MATTRESSES.
CLEMENZA SLEEPS WITH THE FISHES.
JOHNNY IS FINISHED IN HOLLYWOOD.

CLEMENZA SLEEPS WITH THE FISHES.
JOHNNY IS FINISHED IN HOLLYWOOD.
THEY BLEW UP MICHAEL'S WIFE AND

JOHNNY IS FINISHED IN HOLLYWOOD.
THEY BLEW UP MICHAEL'S WIFE AND
LOVELY CAR.

THEY BLEW UP MICHAEL'S WIFE AND
LOVELY CAR.
THE TATTAGLIAS, THE BARZINIS,

LOVELY CAR.
THE TATTAGLIAS, THE BARZINIS,
THE BOYARDEES... THEY ALL HAVE

THE TATTAGLIAS, THE BARZINIS,
THE BOYARDEES... THEY ALL HAVE
CONTRACTS OUT ON ME.

THE BOYARDEES... THEY ALL HAVE
CONTRACTS OUT ON ME.
YEAH, THE FEDS ARE WATCHING ME.

CONTRACTS OUT ON ME.
YEAH, THE FEDS ARE WATCHING ME.
KEFAUVER IS INVESTIGATING ME.

YEAH, THE FEDS ARE WATCHING ME.
KEFAUVER IS INVESTIGATING ME.
THE ASPCA IS AFTER ME ABOUT THIS

KEFAUVER IS INVESTIGATING ME.
THE ASPCA IS AFTER ME ABOUT THIS
HORSE THING.

THE ASPCA IS AFTER ME ABOUT THIS
HORSE THING.
I'M GONNA HOLD SOME OF THE

HORSE THING.
I'M GONNA HOLD SOME OF THE
PEOPLE RES...

I'M GONNA HOLD SOME OF THE
PEOPLE RES...
BLOCKING, BLOCKING.

PEOPLE RES...
BLOCKING, BLOCKING.
SETTLE DOWN, PEOPLE.

BLOCKING, BLOCKING.
SETTLE DOWN, PEOPLE.
SETTLE DOWN.

SETTLE DOWN, PEOPLE.
SETTLE DOWN.
VITO WILL TELL US HOW HE FEELS

SETTLE DOWN.
VITO WILL TELL US HOW HE FEELS
WHEN HE'S READY.

VITO WILL TELL US HOW HE FEELS
WHEN HE'S READY.
VITO?

WHEN HE'S READY.
VITO?
VITO, ARE YOU READY?

VITO?
VITO, ARE YOU READY?
I COULD HAVE BEEN SENATOR

VITO, ARE YOU READY?
I COULD HAVE BEEN SENATOR
CORLEONE, GOVERNOR CORLEONE.

I COULD HAVE BEEN SENATOR
CORLEONE, GOVERNOR CORLEONE.
VITO, VITO.

CORLEONE, GOVERNOR CORLEONE.
VITO, VITO.
VITO, THIS IS GETTING US

VITO, VITO.
VITO, THIS IS GETTING US
ANYPLACE.

VITO, THIS IS GETTING US
ANYPLACE.
NOW, I WANT YOU TO ACT OUT YOUR

ANYPLACE.
NOW, I WANT YOU TO ACT OUT YOUR
FEELINGS ABOUT THE TATTAGLIA

NOW, I WANT YOU TO ACT OUT YOUR
FEELINGS ABOUT THE TATTAGLIA
FAMILY NONVERBALLY.

FEELINGS ABOUT THE TATTAGLIA
FAMILY NONVERBALLY.
NOT TALKIN'?

FAMILY NONVERBALLY.
NOT TALKIN'?
DO I HAVE TO?

NOT TALKIN'?
DO I HAVE TO?
YES.

DO I HAVE TO?
YES.
LISTEN, MAN.

YES.
LISTEN, MAN.
LIKE, WE'RE WITH YOU.

LISTEN, MAN.
LIKE, WE'RE WITH YOU.
WE'RE REALLY ON YOUR SIDE.

LIKE, WE'RE WITH YOU.
WE'RE REALLY ON YOUR SIDE.
I MEAN, LIKE, WE KNOW WHERE

WE'RE REALLY ON YOUR SIDE.
I MEAN, LIKE, WE KNOW WHERE
YOU'RE COMING FROM.

I MEAN, LIKE, WE KNOW WHERE
YOU'RE COMING FROM.
TRUST US.

YOU'RE COMING FROM.
TRUST US.
PLEASE, REACH OUT, MAN.

["GODFATHER" THEME PLAYS]

[GRUNTING]

SHERRY, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT
WHAT VITO JUST WENT THROUGH?
WELL, I THOUGHT IT WAS REALLY

WHAT VITO JUST WENT THROUGH?
WELL, I THOUGHT IT WAS REALLY
BEAUTIFUL, AND, LIKE, I CAN

WELL, I THOUGHT IT WAS REALLY
BEAUTIFUL, AND, LIKE, I CAN
REALLY RELATE TO WHAT KIND OF

BEAUTIFUL, AND, LIKE, I CAN
REALLY RELATE TO WHAT KIND OF
CHANGES VITO WAS GOING THROUGH,

REALLY RELATE TO WHAT KIND OF
CHANGES VITO WAS GOING THROUGH,
'CAUSE I WENT THROUGH THE SAME

CHANGES VITO WAS GOING THROUGH,
'CAUSE I WENT THROUGH THE SAME
THING WHEN I WAS DECIDING TO BE

'CAUSE I WENT THROUGH THE SAME
THING WHEN I WAS DECIDING TO BE
A STEWARDESS.

THING WHEN I WAS DECIDING TO BE
A STEWARDESS.
IT WAS SO WEIRD.

A STEWARDESS.
IT WAS SO WEIRD.
I'M NOT KIDDING, MAN.

IT WAS SO WEIRD.
I'M NOT KIDDING, MAN.
LIKE, MY FRIENDS KEPT ASKING ME,

I'M NOT KIDDING, MAN.
LIKE, MY FRIENDS KEPT ASKING ME,
"GOD, SHERRY, WHY DO YOU WANT TO

LIKE, MY FRIENDS KEPT ASKING ME,
"GOD, SHERRY, WHY DO YOU WANT TO
BE A STEWARDESS?" YOU KNOW?

"GOD, SHERRY, WHY DO YOU WANT TO
BE A STEWARDESS?" YOU KNOW?
AND, LIKE, I HAD TO GET SUPER

BE A STEWARDESS?" YOU KNOW?
AND, LIKE, I HAD TO GET SUPER
REFLECTIVE AND ASK MYSELF,

AND, LIKE, I HAD TO GET SUPER
REFLECTIVE AND ASK MYSELF,
"WELL, GOD, SHERRY, WHY DO YOU

REFLECTIVE AND ASK MYSELF,
"WELL, GOD, SHERRY, WHY DO YOU
WANT TO BE A STEWARDESS?"

"WELL, GOD, SHERRY, WHY DO YOU
WANT TO BE A STEWARDESS?"
AND, LIKE, I REALIZED THAT IT'S

WANT TO BE A STEWARDESS?"
AND, LIKE, I REALIZED THAT IT'S
'CAUSE I LOVE PEOPLE.

AND, LIKE, I REALIZED THAT IT'S
'CAUSE I LOVE PEOPLE.
I REALLY DO.

'CAUSE I LOVE PEOPLE.
I REALLY DO.
I LOVE TO SERVE THEM AND HELP

I REALLY DO.
I LOVE TO SERVE THEM AND HELP
THEM TRY TO FALL ASLEEP SITTING

I LOVE TO SERVE THEM AND HELP
THEM TRY TO FALL ASLEEP SITTING
UP AND EVERYTHING.

THEM TRY TO FALL ASLEEP SITTING
UP AND EVERYTHING.
WELL, ALSO, I REALLY HAD TO GET

UP AND EVERYTHING.
WELL, ALSO, I REALLY HAD TO GET
OUT OF ENCINO, MAN.

WELL, ALSO, I REALLY HAD TO GET
OUT OF ENCINO, MAN.
I AM NOT KIDDING.

OUT OF ENCINO, MAN.
I AM NOT KIDDING.
IT WAS REALLY GETTING HAIRY.

I AM NOT KIDDING.
IT WAS REALLY GETTING HAIRY.
YOU KNOW, MY BOYFRIEND, BRAD,

IT WAS REALLY GETTING HAIRY.
YOU KNOW, MY BOYFRIEND, BRAD,
AND ME WERE SUPPOSED TO GET

YOU KNOW, MY BOYFRIEND, BRAD,
AND ME WERE SUPPOSED TO GET
MARRIED AND EVERYTHING.

AND ME WERE SUPPOSED TO GET
MARRIED AND EVERYTHING.
SO I WAS MAKING A PEACH COBBLER

MARRIED AND EVERYTHING.
SO I WAS MAKING A PEACH COBBLER
FOR HIS MOTHER, AND I OVERHEARD

SO I WAS MAKING A PEACH COBBLER
FOR HIS MOTHER, AND I OVERHEARD
HER SAY, "LOOK, THE SHIKSA'S

FOR HIS MOTHER, AND I OVERHEARD
HER SAY, "LOOK, THE SHIKSA'S
MAKING US A PRESBYTERIAN PIE."

HER SAY, "LOOK, THE SHIKSA'S
MAKING US A PRESBYTERIAN PIE."
GROSSED ME OUT ROYAL, MAN.

MAKING US A PRESBYTERIAN PIE."
GROSSED ME OUT ROYAL, MAN.
I THOUGHT, "SOME PEOPLE," YOU

GROSSED ME OUT ROYAL, MAN.
I THOUGHT, "SOME PEOPLE," YOU
KNOW?

I THOUGHT, "SOME PEOPLE," YOU
KNOW?
SO I KNEW I HAD A BITCHIN' BOD

KNOW?
SO I KNEW I HAD A BITCHIN' BOD
AND A GOOD PERSONALITY, SO, YOU

SO I KNEW I HAD A BITCHIN' BOD
AND A GOOD PERSONALITY, SO, YOU
KNOW, I JUST LEFT TOWN, AND I

AND A GOOD PERSONALITY, SO, YOU
KNOW, I JUST LEFT TOWN, AND I
BECAME A STEWARDESS, YOU KNOW,

KNOW, I JUST LEFT TOWN, AND I
BECAME A STEWARDESS, YOU KNOW,
AND THEN I GREW SO MUCH

BECAME A STEWARDESS, YOU KNOW,
AND THEN I GREW SO MUCH
EMOTIONALLY, I COULDN'T BELIEVE

AND THEN I GREW SO MUCH
EMOTIONALLY, I COULDN'T BELIEVE
IT.

EMOTIONALLY, I COULDN'T BELIEVE
IT.
'CAUSE, LIKE, I WENT BACK TO

IT.
'CAUSE, LIKE, I WENT BACK TO
ENCINO, AND EVERYBODY SEEMED SO

'CAUSE, LIKE, I WENT BACK TO
ENCINO, AND EVERYBODY SEEMED SO
IMMATURE.

ENCINO, AND EVERYBODY SEEMED SO
IMMATURE.
IT WAS UNREAL, YOU KNOW?

IMMATURE.
IT WAS UNREAL, YOU KNOW?
YOU KNOW, DOCTOR, I THINK THAT

IT WAS UNREAL, YOU KNOW?
YOU KNOW, DOCTOR, I THINK THAT
NORMAN MAILER IS RIGHT.

YOU KNOW, DOCTOR, I THINK THAT
NORMAN MAILER IS RIGHT.
YOU CAN'T GO HOME.

NORMAN MAILER IS RIGHT.
YOU CAN'T GO HOME.
OKAY.

YOU CAN'T GO HOME.
OKAY.
NOW, BEFORE I FORGET, GROUP WILL

OKAY.
NOW, BEFORE I FORGET, GROUP WILL
BEGIN AT 9:00 AND NOT 7:00 NEXT

NOW, BEFORE I FORGET, GROUP WILL
BEGIN AT 9:00 AND NOT 7:00 NEXT
TUESDAY, IF THAT'S OKAY.

BEGIN AT 9:00 AND NOT 7:00 NEXT
TUESDAY, IF THAT'S OKAY.
OKAY.

TUESDAY, IF THAT'S OKAY.
OKAY.
OKAY.

NEW SHIMMER IS A FLOOR WAX!
NO, NEW SHIMMER IS A
DESSERT TOPPING!

NO, NEW SHIMMER IS A
DESSERT TOPPING!
IT'S A FLOOR WAX!

DESSERT TOPPING!
IT'S A FLOOR WAX!
IT'S A DESSERT TOPPING!

IT'S A FLOOR WAX!
IT'S A DESSERT TOPPING!
IT'S A FLOOR WAX, I'M TELLING

IT'S A DESSERT TOPPING!
IT'S A FLOOR WAX, I'M TELLING
YOU!

IT'S A FLOOR WAX, I'M TELLING
YOU!
IT'S A DESSERT TOPPING,

YOU!
IT'S A DESSERT TOPPING,
YOU COW!

IT'S A DESSERT TOPPING,
YOU COW!
HEY, HEY, HEY!

YOU COW!
HEY, HEY, HEY!
CALM DOWN, YOU TWO.

HEY, HEY, HEY!
CALM DOWN, YOU TWO.
NEW SHIMMER'S A FLOOR WAX AND A

CALM DOWN, YOU TWO.
NEW SHIMMER'S A FLOOR WAX AND A
DESSERT TOPPING!

NEW SHIMMER'S A FLOOR WAX AND A
DESSERT TOPPING!
HERE.

DESSERT TOPPING!
HERE.
I'LL SPRAY SOME ON YOUR MOP...

HERE.
I'LL SPRAY SOME ON YOUR MOP...
AND SOME ON YOUR BUTTERSCOTCH

I'LL SPRAY SOME ON YOUR MOP...
AND SOME ON YOUR BUTTERSCOTCH
PUDDING.

AND SOME ON YOUR BUTTERSCOTCH
PUDDING.
MMM! TASTES TERRIFIC.

PUDDING.
MMM! TASTES TERRIFIC.
AND JUST LOOK AT THAT SHINE!

MMM! TASTES TERRIFIC.
AND JUST LOOK AT THAT SHINE!
BUT WILL IT LAST?

AND JUST LOOK AT THAT SHINE!
BUT WILL IT LAST?
HEY, OUTLASTS EVERY OTHER

BUT WILL IT LAST?
HEY, OUTLASTS EVERY OTHER
LEADING FLOOR WAX, 2 TO 1.

HEY, OUTLASTS EVERY OTHER
LEADING FLOOR WAX, 2 TO 1.
IT'S DURABLE, AND IT'S

LEADING FLOOR WAX, 2 TO 1.
IT'S DURABLE, AND IT'S
SCUFF-RESISTANT.

IT'S DURABLE, AND IT'S
SCUFF-RESISTANT.
AND IT'S DELICIOUS!

SCUFF-RESISTANT.
AND IT'S DELICIOUS!
[LAUGHS] SURE IS.

AND IT'S DELICIOUS!
[LAUGHS] SURE IS.
PERKS UP ANYTHING FROM AN

[LAUGHS] SURE IS.
PERKS UP ANYTHING FROM AN
ICE CREAM SUNDAE TO A PUMPKIN

PERKS UP ANYTHING FROM AN
ICE CREAM SUNDAE TO A PUMPKIN
PIE.

ICE CREAM SUNDAE TO A PUMPKIN
PIE.
"MADE FROM AN EXCLUSIVE

PIE.
"MADE FROM AN EXCLUSIVE
NON-YELLOWING FORMULA."

"MADE FROM AN EXCLUSIVE
NON-YELLOWING FORMULA."
I HAVEN'T EVEN TOUCHED MY

NON-YELLOWING FORMULA."
I HAVEN'T EVEN TOUCHED MY
PUDDING AND I'M READY FOR MORE.

I HAVEN'T EVEN TOUCHED MY
PUDDING AND I'M READY FOR MORE.
BUT WHAT ABOUT BLACK HEEL

PUDDING AND I'M READY FOR MORE.
BUT WHAT ABOUT BLACK HEEL
MARKS?

BUT WHAT ABOUT BLACK HEEL
MARKS?
DIRT, GRIME, EVEN BLACK HEEL

MARKS?
DIRT, GRIME, EVEN BLACK HEEL
MARKS WIPE CLEAN WITH A DAMP

DIRT, GRIME, EVEN BLACK HEEL
MARKS WIPE CLEAN WITH A DAMP
CLOTH.

MARKS WIPE CLEAN WITH A DAMP
CLOTH.
OH, SORRY, HONEY.

CLOTH.
OH, SORRY, HONEY.
I'LL CLEAN THAT UP.

OH, SORRY, HONEY.
I'LL CLEAN THAT UP.
OH, NO PROBLEM, SWEETHEART.

I'LL CLEAN THAT UP.
OH, NO PROBLEM, SWEETHEART.
NOT WITH NEW SHIMMER.

OH, NO PROBLEM, SWEETHEART.
NOT WITH NEW SHIMMER.
[LAUGHS]

NOT WITH NEW SHIMMER.
[LAUGHS]
NEW SHIMMER... FOR THE GREATEST

[LAUGHS]
NEW SHIMMER... FOR THE GREATEST
SHINE YOU EVER TASTED!

THIS IS A FILM BY A FRIEND OF
MINE, GARY WEIS, WHO WORKS ON
THE SHOW.

MINE, GARY WEIS, WHO WORKS ON
THE SHOW.
WAITER, WOULD YOU, UH, GIVE THIS

THE SHOW.
WAITER, WOULD YOU, UH, GIVE THIS
TO THE PIANO PLAYER AND HAVE HIM

WAITER, WOULD YOU, UH, GIVE THIS
TO THE PIANO PLAYER AND HAVE HIM
PLAY "MISTY" FOR ME?

TO THE PIANO PLAYER AND HAVE HIM
PLAY "MISTY" FOR ME?
♪ LOOK AT ME ♪

PLAY "MISTY" FOR ME?
♪ LOOK AT ME ♪
♪ LOOK AT ME ♪

♪ LOOK AT ME ♪
♪ LOOK AT ME ♪
♪ LOOK AT ME ♪

♪ LOOK AT ME ♪
♪ LOOK AT ME ♪
♪ NOW, LOOK AT ME ♪

♪ LOOK AT ME ♪
♪ NOW, LOOK AT ME ♪
♪ I'M AS HELPLESS AS A KITTEN

♪ NOW, LOOK AT ME ♪
♪ I'M AS HELPLESS AS A KITTEN
UP A TREE ♪

♪ I'M AS HELPLESS AS A KITTEN
UP A TREE ♪
♪ AND I FEEL LIKE I'M

UP A TREE ♪
♪ AND I FEEL LIKE I'M
CLINGING TO A CLOUD ♪

♪ AND I FEEL LIKE I'M
CLINGING TO A CLOUD ♪
♪ I CAN'T UNDERSTAND ♪

CLINGING TO A CLOUD ♪
♪ I CAN'T UNDERSTAND ♪
♪ I FEEL MISTY

♪ I CAN'T UNDERSTAND ♪
♪ I FEEL MISTY
JUST HOLDING YOUR HAND ♪

♪ I FEEL MISTY
JUST HOLDING YOUR HAND ♪
♪ WALK MY WAY ♪

JUST HOLDING YOUR HAND ♪
♪ WALK MY WAY ♪
♪ AND A THOUSAND VIOLINS

♪ WALK MY WAY ♪
♪ AND A THOUSAND VIOLINS
BEGIN TO PLAY ♪

♪ AND A THOUSAND VIOLINS
BEGIN TO PLAY ♪
♪ I HEAR THE SOUND

BEGIN TO PLAY ♪
♪ I HEAR THE SOUND
OF YOUR HELLO ♪

♪ I HEAR THE SOUND
OF YOUR HELLO ♪
♪ IT'S SOMETHING I YEARN ♪

OF YOUR HELLO ♪
♪ IT'S SOMETHING I YEARN ♪
BABY, GOD BLESS YOU.

♪ IT'S SOMETHING I YEARN ♪
BABY, GOD BLESS YOU.
♪ GET MISTY WHENEVER

BABY, GOD BLESS YOU.
♪ GET MISTY WHENEVER
YOU'RE NEAR ♪

♪ GET MISTY WHENEVER
YOU'RE NEAR ♪
♪ YOU CAN SEE

YOU'RE NEAR ♪
♪ YOU CAN SEE
THAT YOU'RE LEADING ME ON ♪

♪ YOU CAN SEE
THAT YOU'RE LEADING ME ON ♪
♪ THAT'S JUST WHAT

THAT YOU'RE LEADING ME ON ♪
♪ THAT'S JUST WHAT
I WANT YOU TO DO ♪

♪ THAT'S JUST WHAT
I WANT YOU TO DO ♪
♪ DON'T YOU NOTICE

I WANT YOU TO DO ♪
♪ DON'T YOU NOTICE
HOW HELPLESSLY I'M LOST? ♪

♪ DON'T YOU NOTICE
HOW HELPLESSLY I'M LOST? ♪
♪ THAT'S WHY

HOW HELPLESSLY I'M LOST? ♪
♪ THAT'S WHY
I'M FOLLOWING YOU ♪

♪ THAT'S WHY
I'M FOLLOWING YOU ♪
♪ NOW, ON MY OWN ♪

I'M FOLLOWING YOU ♪
♪ NOW, ON MY OWN ♪
♪ WOULD I WANDER

♪ NOW, ON MY OWN ♪
♪ WOULD I WANDER
THROUGH THE WONDERLAND ALONE? ♪

♪ WOULD I WANDER
THROUGH THE WONDERLAND ALONE? ♪
♪ NEVER KNOWING

THROUGH THE WONDERLAND ALONE? ♪
♪ NEVER KNOWING
MY RIGHT FOOT FROM MY LEFT ♪

♪ NEVER KNOWING
MY RIGHT FOOT FROM MY LEFT ♪
♪ MY HAT FROM MY GLOVE ♪

MY RIGHT FOOT FROM MY LEFT ♪
♪ MY HAT FROM MY GLOVE ♪
♪ I GET MISTY ♪

♪ MY HAT FROM MY GLOVE ♪
♪ I GET MISTY ♪
GOD BLESS YOU.

♪ I GET MISTY ♪
GOD BLESS YOU.
♪ TOO MUCH IN LOVE ♪

GOD BLESS YOU.
♪ TOO MUCH IN LOVE ♪
♪ I GET MISTY ♪

♪ TOO MUCH IN LOVE ♪
♪ I GET MISTY ♪
♪ I GET MISTY ♪

♪ I GET MISTY ♪
♪ I GET MISTY ♪
♪ AND TOO MUCH ♪

♪ I GET MISTY ♪
♪ AND TOO MUCH ♪
♪ IN LOVE ♪

♪ AND TOO MUCH ♪
♪ IN LOVE ♪
[PIANO PLAYS]

[LIGHT APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
GOD BLESS YOU, LADIES AND

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
GOD BLESS YOU, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN.

GOD BLESS YOU, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN.
THANK YOU.

GENTLEMEN.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
APPRECIATE IT.

NOW IT'S MY PLEASURE TO...
ELLIOT? ELLIOT?
UH, WHO'S LYDIA?

ELLIOT? ELLIOT?
UH, WHO'S LYDIA?
WHO?

UH, WHO'S LYDIA?
WHO?
LYDIA.

WHO?
LYDIA.
I WAS JUST PASSING BY YOUR

LYDIA.
I WAS JUST PASSING BY YOUR
DRESSING ROOM...

I WAS JUST PASSING BY YOUR
DRESSING ROOM...
AN OLD FRIEND.

DRESSING ROOM...
AN OLD FRIEND.
SHE'S AN OLD FRIEND OF MINE.

AN OLD FRIEND.
SHE'S AN OLD FRIEND OF MINE.
OH, SHE'S VERY PRETTY.

SHE'S AN OLD FRIEND OF MINE.
OH, SHE'S VERY PRETTY.
YEAH, RIGHT.

OH, SHE'S VERY PRETTY.
YEAH, RIGHT.
WHAT DOES SHE DO?

YEAH, RIGHT.
WHAT DOES SHE DO?
SHE USED TO BE A MODEL,

WHAT DOES SHE DO?
SHE USED TO BE A MODEL,
GILDA.

SHE USED TO BE A MODEL,
GILDA.
OH. DO YOU LIKE HER?

GILDA.
OH. DO YOU LIKE HER?
WELL, SHE'S AN OLD FRIEND,

OH. DO YOU LIKE HER?
WELL, SHE'S AN OLD FRIEND,
AND WHENEVER I'M PASSING THROUGH

WELL, SHE'S AN OLD FRIEND,
AND WHENEVER I'M PASSING THROUGH
NEW YORK, I ALWAYS TRY TO SEE

AND WHENEVER I'M PASSING THROUGH
NEW YORK, I ALWAYS TRY TO SEE
HER.

NEW YORK, I ALWAYS TRY TO SEE
HER.
OKAY, UM, I JUST WANTED YOU

HER.
OKAY, UM, I JUST WANTED YOU
TO KNOW THAT I MEANT EVERYTHING

OKAY, UM, I JUST WANTED YOU
TO KNOW THAT I MEANT EVERYTHING
I SAID LAST NIGHT.

TO KNOW THAT I MEANT EVERYTHING
I SAID LAST NIGHT.
AND I KNOW THAT YOU KNOW THAT

I SAID LAST NIGHT.
AND I KNOW THAT YOU KNOW THAT
YOU MEANT EVERYTHING THAT YOU

AND I KNOW THAT YOU KNOW THAT
YOU MEANT EVERYTHING THAT YOU
SAID LAST NIGHT, TOO.

YOU MEANT EVERYTHING THAT YOU
SAID LAST NIGHT, TOO.
WELL, I DON'T KNOW IF I SAID

SAID LAST NIGHT, TOO.
WELL, I DON'T KNOW IF I SAID
ANYTHING.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW IF I SAID
ANYTHING.
AND NOW ANNE MURRAY.

ANYTHING.
AND NOW ANNE MURRAY.
WHO'S ANNE MURRAY?

AND NOW ANNE MURRAY.
WHO'S ANNE MURRAY?
[APPLAUSE]

WHO'S ANNE MURRAY?
[APPLAUSE]
[INTRODUCTION TO "THE CALL"

[APPLAUSE]
[INTRODUCTION TO "THE CALL"
PLAYS]

♪ IT'S A LONG-DISTANCE PHONE,
AND I FEEL SO ALONE ♪
♪ HERE WITHOUT HIM ♪

AND I FEEL SO ALONE ♪
♪ HERE WITHOUT HIM ♪
♪ IT'S A CRIME AND A SHAME ♪

♪ HERE WITHOUT HIM ♪
♪ IT'S A CRIME AND A SHAME ♪
♪ I AIN'T GOT THE CHANGE ♪

♪ IT'S A CRIME AND A SHAME ♪
♪ I AIN'T GOT THE CHANGE ♪
♪ AND DON'T YOU KNOW

♪ I AIN'T GOT THE CHANGE ♪
♪ AND DON'T YOU KNOW
THAT I'M WORRIED ABOUT HIM? ♪

♪ AND DON'T YOU KNOW
THAT I'M WORRIED ABOUT HIM? ♪
♪ I'VE BEEN ALL OVER TOWN,

THAT I'M WORRIED ABOUT HIM? ♪
♪ I'VE BEEN ALL OVER TOWN,
EVERY STREET, UP AND DOWN ♪

♪ I'VE BEEN ALL OVER TOWN,
EVERY STREET, UP AND DOWN ♪
♪ LOOKING FOR THE MAN ♪

EVERY STREET, UP AND DOWN ♪
♪ LOOKING FOR THE MAN ♪
♪ HE'S JUST A FACE IN THE CROWD

♪ LOOKING FOR THE MAN ♪
♪ HE'S JUST A FACE IN THE CROWD
WHERE THE TRAFFIC ROARS LOUD ♪

♪ HE'S JUST A FACE IN THE CROWD
WHERE THE TRAFFIC ROARS LOUD ♪
♪ BUT DON'T YOU KNOW HE'D BE

WHERE THE TRAFFIC ROARS LOUD ♪
♪ BUT DON'T YOU KNOW HE'D BE
PROUD TO GIVE A HELPING HAND ♪

♪ BUT DON'T YOU KNOW HE'D BE
PROUD TO GIVE A HELPING HAND ♪
♪ MISTER, CAN YOU FIND IT

PROUD TO GIVE A HELPING HAND ♪
♪ MISTER, CAN YOU FIND IT
IN YOUR HEART ♪

♪ MISTER, CAN YOU FIND IT
IN YOUR HEART ♪
♪ TO LEND ME A DOLLAR? ♪

IN YOUR HEART ♪
♪ TO LEND ME A DOLLAR? ♪
♪ FOR THE TIMES HAVE BEEN SLOW ♪

♪ TO LEND ME A DOLLAR? ♪
♪ FOR THE TIMES HAVE BEEN SLOW ♪
♪ I'M FRESH OUT OF DOUGH ♪

♪ FOR THE TIMES HAVE BEEN SLOW ♪
♪ I'M FRESH OUT OF DOUGH ♪
♪ AND I AIN'T GOT THE MONEY

♪ I'M FRESH OUT OF DOUGH ♪
♪ AND I AIN'T GOT THE MONEY
TO CALL HIM ♪

♪ AND I AIN'T GOT THE MONEY
TO CALL HIM ♪
♪ I THREW MY PRIDE

TO CALL HIM ♪
♪ I THREW MY PRIDE
OUT THE DOOR ♪

♪ I THREW MY PRIDE
OUT THE DOOR ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I'VE BEEN TURNED DOWN

OUT THE DOOR ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I'VE BEEN TURNED DOWN
BEFORE ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I'VE BEEN TURNED DOWN
BEFORE ♪
♪ BUT I'LL KEEP TRYING ♪

BEFORE ♪
♪ BUT I'LL KEEP TRYING ♪
♪ THIS TYPE OF PAIN

♪ BUT I'LL KEEP TRYING ♪
♪ THIS TYPE OF PAIN
IS KIND OF HARD TO EXPLAIN ♪

♪ THIS TYPE OF PAIN
IS KIND OF HARD TO EXPLAIN ♪
♪ BUT THE FEELING'S THE SAME ♪

IS KIND OF HARD TO EXPLAIN ♪
♪ BUT THE FEELING'S THE SAME ♪
♪ IT'S LIKE DYING ♪

♪ BUT THE FEELING'S THE SAME ♪
♪ IT'S LIKE DYING ♪
♪ MISTER, CAN YOU FIND IT

♪ IT'S LIKE DYING ♪
♪ MISTER, CAN YOU FIND IT
IN YOUR HEART ♪

♪ MISTER, CAN YOU FIND IT
IN YOUR HEART ♪
♪ TO LEND ME A DOLLAR? ♪

IN YOUR HEART ♪
♪ TO LEND ME A DOLLAR? ♪
♪ FOR THE TIMES HAVE BEEN SLOW ♪

♪ TO LEND ME A DOLLAR? ♪
♪ FOR THE TIMES HAVE BEEN SLOW ♪
♪ I'M FRESH OUT OF DOUGH ♪

♪ FOR THE TIMES HAVE BEEN SLOW ♪
♪ I'M FRESH OUT OF DOUGH ♪
♪ AND I AIN'T GOT

♪ I'M FRESH OUT OF DOUGH ♪
♪ AND I AIN'T GOT
THE MONEY TO CALL HIM ♪

♪ AND I AIN'T GOT
THE MONEY TO CALL HIM ♪
♪ YOU PUT THE CHANGE

THE MONEY TO CALL HIM ♪
♪ YOU PUT THE CHANGE
IN MY HAND ♪

♪ YOU PUT THE CHANGE
IN MY HAND ♪
♪ YOU'RE THE WORLD'S KINDEST

IN MY HAND ♪
♪ YOU'RE THE WORLD'S KINDEST
MAN, AND I THANK YOU, SIR ♪

♪ YOU'RE THE WORLD'S KINDEST
MAN, AND I THANK YOU, SIR ♪
♪ YOU'LL NEVER KNOW

MAN, AND I THANK YOU, SIR ♪
♪ YOU'LL NEVER KNOW
WHAT YOU'VE DONE ♪

♪ YOU'LL NEVER KNOW
WHAT YOU'VE DONE ♪
♪ FOR THIS POOR MOTHER'S SON ♪

WHAT YOU'VE DONE ♪
♪ FOR THIS POOR MOTHER'S SON ♪
♪ A THIRSTY MAN JUST GOT

♪ FOR THIS POOR MOTHER'S SON ♪
♪ A THIRSTY MAN JUST GOT
A COLD CUP OF WATER ♪

♪ A THIRSTY MAN JUST GOT
A COLD CUP OF WATER ♪
♪ MISTER, CAN YOU FIND IT

A COLD CUP OF WATER ♪
♪ MISTER, CAN YOU FIND IT
IN YOUR HEART ♪

♪ MISTER, CAN YOU FIND IT
IN YOUR HEART ♪
♪ TO LEND ME A DOLLAR? ♪

IN YOUR HEART ♪
♪ TO LEND ME A DOLLAR? ♪
♪ FOR THE TIMES HAVE BEEN SLOW ♪

♪ TO LEND ME A DOLLAR? ♪
♪ FOR THE TIMES HAVE BEEN SLOW ♪
♪ I'M FRESH OUT OF DOUGH ♪

♪ FOR THE TIMES HAVE BEEN SLOW ♪
♪ I'M FRESH OUT OF DOUGH ♪
♪ AND I AIN'T GOT

♪ I'M FRESH OUT OF DOUGH ♪
♪ AND I AIN'T GOT
THE MONEY TO CALL HIM ♪

♪ AND I AIN'T GOT
THE MONEY TO CALL HIM ♪
[APPLAUSE]

THE MONEY TO CALL HIM ♪
[APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.

[APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
Announcer: AND NOW

THANK YOU.
Announcer: AND NOW
"WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH

Announcer: AND NOW
"WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH
CHEVY CHASE.

"WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH
CHEVY CHASE.
YOU KNOW, I LOVE IT JUST

CHEVY CHASE.
YOU KNOW, I LOVE IT JUST
AFTER YOU CUT YOUR NAILS AND

YOU KNOW, I LOVE IT JUST
AFTER YOU CUT YOUR NAILS AND
THEY'RE REALLY SHARP.

AFTER YOU CUT YOUR NAILS AND
THEY'RE REALLY SHARP.
NO, THE WHOLE POINT OF THE

THEY'RE REALLY SHARP.
NO, THE WHOLE POINT OF THE
BEADS...

NO, THE WHOLE POINT OF THE
BEADS...
I GOT TO GO.

BEADS...
I GOT TO GO.
GOOD EVENING.

I GOT TO GO.
GOOD EVENING.
I'M CHEVY CHASE, AND YOU'RE NOT.

GOOD EVENING.
I'M CHEVY CHASE, AND YOU'RE NOT.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... WHILE

I'M CHEVY CHASE, AND YOU'RE NOT.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... WHILE
CAMPAIGNING FOR THE UPCOMING

OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... WHILE
CAMPAIGNING FOR THE UPCOMING
PRIMARY IN NEW HAMPSHIRE,

CAMPAIGNING FOR THE UPCOMING
PRIMARY IN NEW HAMPSHIRE,
PRESIDENT FORD KISSED A SNOWBALL

PRIMARY IN NEW HAMPSHIRE,
PRESIDENT FORD KISSED A SNOWBALL
AND THREW A BABY.

PRESIDENT FORD KISSED A SNOWBALL
AND THREW A BABY.
FORTUNATELY, THE BABY WAS NOT

AND THREW A BABY.
FORTUNATELY, THE BABY WAS NOT
INJURED, BUT IT TOOK A

FORTUNATELY, THE BABY WAS NOT
INJURED, BUT IT TOOK A
WHITE HOUSE SURGICAL TEAM FIVE

INJURED, BUT IT TOOK A
WHITE HOUSE SURGICAL TEAM FIVE
HOURS TO REMOVE THE SNOWBALL

WHITE HOUSE SURGICAL TEAM FIVE
HOURS TO REMOVE THE SNOWBALL
FROM THE PRESIDENT'S MOUTH.

HOURS TO REMOVE THE SNOWBALL
FROM THE PRESIDENT'S MOUTH.
THE SNOWBALL, NICKNAMED

FROM THE PRESIDENT'S MOUTH.
THE SNOWBALL, NICKNAMED
"SNOWBALL" BY FORD, WILL BE

THE SNOWBALL, NICKNAMED
"SNOWBALL" BY FORD, WILL BE
PRESERVED BY THE

"SNOWBALL" BY FORD, WILL BE
PRESERVED BY THE
SMITHSONIAN INSTITUTION IN THE

PRESERVED BY THE
SMITHSONIAN INSTITUTION IN THE
NEWLY CREATED GERALD FORD WING.

SMITHSONIAN INSTITUTION IN THE
NEWLY CREATED GERALD FORD WING.
THE WING ALREADY HOUSES SUCH

NEWLY CREATED GERALD FORD WING.
THE WING ALREADY HOUSES SUCH
RELICS AS 15 SHATTERED SKIS, SIX

THE WING ALREADY HOUSES SUCH
RELICS AS 15 SHATTERED SKIS, SIX
DENTED AIRPLANE DOORS, ONE

RELICS AS 15 SHATTERED SKIS, SIX
DENTED AIRPLANE DOORS, ONE
DENTED HELICOPTER DOOR, 450

DENTED AIRPLANE DOORS, ONE
DENTED HELICOPTER DOOR, 450
CRANIAL X-RAYS, AND FORMER CIA

DENTED HELICOPTER DOOR, 450
CRANIAL X-RAYS, AND FORMER CIA
DIRECTOR WILLIAM COLBY.

CRANIAL X-RAYS, AND FORMER CIA
DIRECTOR WILLIAM COLBY.
THIS STORY WAS JUST IN THIS

DIRECTOR WILLIAM COLBY.
THIS STORY WAS JUST IN THIS
AFTERNOON.

THIS STORY WAS JUST IN THIS
AFTERNOON.
AT A SUMMIT CONFERENCE

AFTERNOON.
AT A SUMMIT CONFERENCE
YESTERDAY, CHINESE PREMIER

AT A SUMMIT CONFERENCE
YESTERDAY, CHINESE PREMIER
CHOU EN-LAI HAD A HIGH-LEVEL

YESTERDAY, CHINESE PREMIER
CHOU EN-LAI HAD A HIGH-LEVEL
TALK WITH GENERALISSIMO

CHOU EN-LAI HAD A HIGH-LEVEL
TALK WITH GENERALISSIMO
FRANCISCO FRANCO.

TALK WITH GENERALISSIMO
FRANCISCO FRANCO.
AMONG THE TOPICS OF

FRANCISCO FRANCO.
AMONG THE TOPICS OF
DISCUSSION... SPANISH RICE.

AMONG THE TOPICS OF
DISCUSSION... SPANISH RICE.
IN A SURPRISE MOVE, THE CIA AND

DISCUSSION... SPANISH RICE.
IN A SURPRISE MOVE, THE CIA AND
THE FBI HAVE DECIDED TO MERGE,

IN A SURPRISE MOVE, THE CIA AND
THE FBI HAVE DECIDED TO MERGE,
FORMING A NEW GOVERNMENT AGENCY

THE FBI HAVE DECIDED TO MERGE,
FORMING A NEW GOVERNMENT AGENCY
TO BE KNOWN, STRANGELY ENOUGH,

FORMING A NEW GOVERNMENT AGENCY
TO BE KNOWN, STRANGELY ENOUGH,
AS THE I-C-A-F-I-B M-O-U-S-E.

TO BE KNOWN, STRANGELY ENOUGH,
AS THE I-C-A-F-I-B M-O-U-S-E.
JUST KIDDING.

AS THE I-C-A-F-I-B M-O-U-S-E.
JUST KIDDING.
THE SOLE FUNCTION OF THE NEW

JUST KIDDING.
THE SOLE FUNCTION OF THE NEW
AGENCY WILL BE TO KEEP A WATCH

THE SOLE FUNCTION OF THE NEW
AGENCY WILL BE TO KEEP A WATCH
ON ITSELF, THUS FREEING AMERICA

AGENCY WILL BE TO KEEP A WATCH
ON ITSELF, THUS FREEING AMERICA
TO GO ABOUT ITS BUSINESS IN

ON ITSELF, THUS FREEING AMERICA
TO GO ABOUT ITS BUSINESS IN
PRIVATE.

TO GO ABOUT ITS BUSINESS IN
PRIVATE.
IN OTHER CIA-RELATED NEWS, THE

PRIVATE.
IN OTHER CIA-RELATED NEWS, THE
FIGHTING IN THE AFRICAN NATION

IN OTHER CIA-RELATED NEWS, THE
FIGHTING IN THE AFRICAN NATION
OF ANGOLA CONTINUES AMID

FIGHTING IN THE AFRICAN NATION
OF ANGOLA CONTINUES AMID
INTERNATIONAL POLITICAL

OF ANGOLA CONTINUES AMID
INTERNATIONAL POLITICAL
CONFUSION.

INTERNATIONAL POLITICAL
CONFUSION.
FOR A LIVE SATELLITE

CONFUSION.
FOR A LIVE SATELLITE
TRANSMISSION FROM ANGOLA, LET'S

FOR A LIVE SATELLITE
TRANSMISSION FROM ANGOLA, LET'S
SPEAK DIRECTLY VIA TELEPHONE

TRANSMISSION FROM ANGOLA, LET'S
SPEAK DIRECTLY VIA TELEPHONE
LINKUP WITH CORRESPONDENT

SPEAK DIRECTLY VIA TELEPHONE
LINKUP WITH CORRESPONDENT
PAM CEDERQUIST IN ANGOLA.

LINKUP WITH CORRESPONDENT
PAM CEDERQUIST IN ANGOLA.
HELLO?

PAM CEDERQUIST IN ANGOLA.
HELLO?
HELLO, ANGOLA?

HELLO?
HELLO, ANGOLA?
ANGELO?

HELLO, ANGOLA?
ANGELO?
NO, NO, NO, NO.

ANGELO?
NO, NO, NO, NO.
WE HAD THIS PROBLEM BEFORE.

NO, NO, NO, NO.
WE HAD THIS PROBLEM BEFORE.
ANGOLA.

WE HAD THIS PROBLEM BEFORE.
ANGOLA.
ANCHOVIES... I DON'T WANT

ANGOLA.
ANCHOVIES... I DON'T WANT
ANCHOVIES.

ANCHOVIES... I DON'T WANT
ANCHOVIES.
I'D LIKE ANGOLA.

ANCHOVIES.
I'D LIKE ANGOLA.
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE A LIVE...

I'D LIKE ANGOLA.
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE A LIVE...
MUST HAVE THE WRONG NUMBER.

WE'RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE A LIVE...
MUST HAVE THE WRONG NUMBER.
SORRY.

MUST HAVE THE WRONG NUMBER.
SORRY.
[SIGHS]

SORRY.
[SIGHS]
WELL, WE APPEAR ONCE AGAIN TO

[SIGHS]
WELL, WE APPEAR ONCE AGAIN TO
HAVE A TRANSMISSION PROBLEM

WELL, WE APPEAR ONCE AGAIN TO
HAVE A TRANSMISSION PROBLEM
THERE.

HAVE A TRANSMISSION PROBLEM
THERE.
AS YOU CAN SEE, THE FIGHTING HAS

THERE.
AS YOU CAN SEE, THE FIGHTING HAS
CALMED DOWN CONSIDERABLY.

AS YOU CAN SEE, THE FIGHTING HAS
CALMED DOWN CONSIDERABLY.
WELL, AS THE PRIMARIES APPROACH,

CALMED DOWN CONSIDERABLY.
WELL, AS THE PRIMARIES APPROACH,
MORE AND MORE VARIED CANDIDATES

WELL, AS THE PRIMARIES APPROACH,
MORE AND MORE VARIED CANDIDATES
ARE JOINING THE FIGHT FOR THE

MORE AND MORE VARIED CANDIDATES
ARE JOINING THE FIGHT FOR THE
DEMOCRATIC TICKET.

ARE JOINING THE FIGHT FOR THE
DEMOCRATIC TICKET.
THE LATEST ENTRY IS SENATOR

DEMOCRATIC TICKET.
THE LATEST ENTRY IS SENATOR
ROBERT BYRD.

THE LATEST ENTRY IS SENATOR
ROBERT BYRD.
BYRD WAS ONCE A MEMBER OF THE

ROBERT BYRD.
BYRD WAS ONCE A MEMBER OF THE
KU KLUX KLAN BUT SAYS THAT NOW

BYRD WAS ONCE A MEMBER OF THE
KU KLUX KLAN BUT SAYS THAT NOW
HE DEEPLY REGRETS THAT

KU KLUX KLAN BUT SAYS THAT NOW
HE DEEPLY REGRETS THAT
ASSOCIATION.

HE DEEPLY REGRETS THAT
ASSOCIATION.
BYRD HAS BEEN QUOTED AS SAYING,

ASSOCIATION.
BYRD HAS BEEN QUOTED AS SAYING,
"I DON'T JUDGE A MAN BY THE

BYRD HAS BEEN QUOTED AS SAYING,
"I DON'T JUDGE A MAN BY THE
COLOR OF HIS SKIN.

"I DON'T JUDGE A MAN BY THE
COLOR OF HIS SKIN.
I JUDGE HIM ACCORDING TO THE

COLOR OF HIS SKIN.
I JUDGE HIM ACCORDING TO THE
SIZE OF HIS NOSTRILS."

I JUDGE HIM ACCORDING TO THE
SIZE OF HIS NOSTRILS."
MEANWHILE, SARGEANT SHRIVER,

SIZE OF HIS NOSTRILS."
MEANWHILE, SARGEANT SHRIVER,
STRESSING HIS CLOSE ASSOCIATION

MEANWHILE, SARGEANT SHRIVER,
STRESSING HIS CLOSE ASSOCIATION
WITH THE KENNEDY CLAN AND HIS

STRESSING HIS CLOSE ASSOCIATION
WITH THE KENNEDY CLAN AND HIS
AFFINITY FOR THE TRUMAN

WITH THE KENNEDY CLAN AND HIS
AFFINITY FOR THE TRUMAN
STRAIGHTFORWARDNESS, HAS WRITTEN

AFFINITY FOR THE TRUMAN
STRAIGHTFORWARDNESS, HAS WRITTEN
HIS OWN CAMPAIGN SLOGAN...

STRAIGHTFORWARDNESS, HAS WRITTEN
HIS OWN CAMPAIGN SLOGAN...
"THE DUCK STOPS HERE."

HIS OWN CAMPAIGN SLOGAN...
"THE DUCK STOPS HERE."
ASKED IF HIS PLANS WOULD AFFECT

"THE DUCK STOPS HERE."
ASKED IF HIS PLANS WOULD AFFECT
A KENNEDY DRAFT, SHRIVER

ASKED IF HIS PLANS WOULD AFFECT
A KENNEDY DRAFT, SHRIVER
COMMENTED, "I DO NOT BELIEVE

A KENNEDY DRAFT, SHRIVER
COMMENTED, "I DO NOT BELIEVE
THIS YEAR THAT TEDDY KENNEDY

COMMENTED, "I DO NOT BELIEVE
THIS YEAR THAT TEDDY KENNEDY
WILL THROW HIS HAT INTO THE

THIS YEAR THAT TEDDY KENNEDY
WILL THROW HIS HAT INTO THE
WATER."

WILL THROW HIS HAT INTO THE
WATER."
RIGHT NOW LET'S GO LIVE TO

WATER."
RIGHT NOW LET'S GO LIVE TO
CAPE CANAVERAL, FLORIDA, AND

RIGHT NOW LET'S GO LIVE TO
CAPE CANAVERAL, FLORIDA, AND
CORRESPONDENT LARAINE NEWMAN.

CAPE CANAVERAL, FLORIDA, AND
CORRESPONDENT LARAINE NEWMAN.
CHEVY, THIS IS INDEED AN

CORRESPONDENT LARAINE NEWMAN.
CHEVY, THIS IS INDEED AN
HISTORIC MOMENT AT THE CAPE.

CHEVY, THIS IS INDEED AN
HISTORIC MOMENT AT THE CAPE.
FOR SOME YEARS NOW, SCIENTISTS

HISTORIC MOMENT AT THE CAPE.
FOR SOME YEARS NOW, SCIENTISTS
AND GOVERNMENT ENVIRONMENTALISTS

FOR SOME YEARS NOW, SCIENTISTS
AND GOVERNMENT ENVIRONMENTALISTS
HAVE BEEN TRYING TO COME UP WITH

AND GOVERNMENT ENVIRONMENTALISTS
HAVE BEEN TRYING TO COME UP WITH
A WAY TO GET RID OF STOCKS OF

HAVE BEEN TRYING TO COME UP WITH
A WAY TO GET RID OF STOCKS OF
DEADLY NERVE GASES BUILT UP

A WAY TO GET RID OF STOCKS OF
DEADLY NERVE GASES BUILT UP
MONTHLY BY THE ARMED FORCES.

DEADLY NERVE GASES BUILT UP
MONTHLY BY THE ARMED FORCES.
BECAUSE OF THE DANGER IN DUMPING

MONTHLY BY THE ARMED FORCES.
BECAUSE OF THE DANGER IN DUMPING
THESE CHEMICALS INTO THE SEA,

BECAUSE OF THE DANGER IN DUMPING
THESE CHEMICALS INTO THE SEA,
NASA HAS DECIDED TO DISPOSE OF

THESE CHEMICALS INTO THE SEA,
NASA HAS DECIDED TO DISPOSE OF
THE MATERIALS IN OUTER SPACE.

NASA HAS DECIDED TO DISPOSE OF
THE MATERIALS IN OUTER SPACE.
AND THIS IS THE FIRST SUCH SPACE

THE MATERIALS IN OUTER SPACE.
AND THIS IS THE FIRST SUCH SPACE
SHOT TO TAKE PLACE.

AND THIS IS THE FIRST SUCH SPACE
SHOT TO TAKE PLACE.
BEHIND ME, A SATURN ROCKET

SHOT TO TAKE PLACE.
BEHIND ME, A SATURN ROCKET
LOADED WITH ENOUGH DEADLY GAS TO

BEHIND ME, A SATURN ROCKET
LOADED WITH ENOUGH DEADLY GAS TO
WIPE OUT ALL LIFE ON EARTH A

LOADED WITH ENOUGH DEADLY GAS TO
WIPE OUT ALL LIFE ON EARTH A
HUNDRED TIMES OVER HAS JUST BEEN

WIPE OUT ALL LIFE ON EARTH A
HUNDRED TIMES OVER HAS JUST BEEN
LAUNCHED SAFELY OUT OF OUR

HUNDRED TIMES OVER HAS JUST BEEN
LAUNCHED SAFELY OUT OF OUR
ATMOSPHERE.

LAUNCHED SAFELY OUT OF OUR
ATMOSPHERE.
OH, THE POWER.

ATMOSPHERE.
OH, THE POWER.
OH, THE THRUST.

OH, THE POWER.
OH, THE THRUST.
MANY TIMES, THE DEADLY POISONOUS

OH, THE THRUST.
MANY TIMES, THE DEADLY POISONOUS
GAS HAS BEEN BURIED AND USED AS

MANY TIMES, THE DEADLY POISONOUS
GAS HAS BEEN BURIED AND USED AS
HYBRIDS FOR NIBLET CORN.

GAS HAS BEEN BURIED AND USED AS
HYBRIDS FOR NIBLET CORN.
THIS IS LARAINE NEWMAN REPORTING

HYBRIDS FOR NIBLET CORN.
THIS IS LARAINE NEWMAN REPORTING
FROM CAPE CANAVERAL.

THIS IS LARAINE NEWMAN REPORTING
FROM CAPE CANAVERAL.
STILL TO COME, JERRY FORD'S

FROM CAPE CANAVERAL.
STILL TO COME, JERRY FORD'S
WHISTLE-STOPS ON THE WAY TO

STILL TO COME, JERRY FORD'S
WHISTLE-STOPS ON THE WAY TO
NEW HAMPSHIRE.

WHISTLE-STOPS ON THE WAY TO
NEW HAMPSHIRE.
THIS IS MY BEST FRIEND... MY

NEW HAMPSHIRE.
THIS IS MY BEST FRIEND... MY
BUSINESS PARTNER, MY ADVISER, MY

THIS IS MY BEST FRIEND... MY
BUSINESS PARTNER, MY ADVISER, MY
COMPANION, MY WIFE.

BUSINESS PARTNER, MY ADVISER, MY
COMPANION, MY WIFE.
AND I LOVE HER.

COMPANION, MY WIFE.
AND I LOVE HER.
SHE'S QUITE A GAL, YOU KNOW?

AND I LOVE HER.
SHE'S QUITE A GAL, YOU KNOW?
SHE TAKES CARE OF THE HOUSE,

SHE'S QUITE A GAL, YOU KNOW?
SHE TAKES CARE OF THE HOUSE,
COOKS GREAT MEALS, MAKES STUDDED

SHE TAKES CARE OF THE HOUSE,
COOKS GREAT MEALS, MAKES STUDDED
LEATHER VESTS AT OUR OWN

COOKS GREAT MEALS, MAKES STUDDED
LEATHER VESTS AT OUR OWN
BOUTIQUE, AND STILL HAS ENOUGH

LEATHER VESTS AT OUR OWN
BOUTIQUE, AND STILL HAS ENOUGH
ENERGY TO GIVE ME THE ATTENTION

BOUTIQUE, AND STILL HAS ENOUGH
ENERGY TO GIVE ME THE ATTENTION
AND AFFECTION I NEED AT THE END

ENERGY TO GIVE ME THE ATTENTION
AND AFFECTION I NEED AT THE END
OF A LONG DAY.

AND AFFECTION I NEED AT THE END
OF A LONG DAY.
I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DO IT.

OF A LONG DAY.
I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DO IT.
WELL, I TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.

I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DO IT.
WELL, I TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.
I GET PLENTY OF REST, GO TO THE

WELL, I TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.
I GET PLENTY OF REST, GO TO THE
Y, EAT RIGHT.

I GET PLENTY OF REST, GO TO THE
Y, EAT RIGHT.
TO MAKE SURE I GET ENOUGH IRON

Y, EAT RIGHT.
TO MAKE SURE I GET ENOUGH IRON
AND VITAMINS, I TAKE JAMITOL

TO MAKE SURE I GET ENOUGH IRON
AND VITAMINS, I TAKE JAMITOL
EVERY DAY.

AND VITAMINS, I TAKE JAMITOL
EVERY DAY.
MAKES ME TAKE IT, TOO.

EVERY DAY.
MAKES ME TAKE IT, TOO.
Announcer: JAMITOL... MORE

MAKES ME TAKE IT, TOO.
Announcer: JAMITOL... MORE
THAN TWICE THE IRON AND

Announcer: JAMITOL... MORE
THAN TWICE THE IRON AND
HIGH-POTENCY VITAMINS FOUND IN

THAN TWICE THE IRON AND
HIGH-POTENCY VITAMINS FOUND IN
OTHER SUPPLEMENTS.

HIGH-POTENCY VITAMINS FOUND IN
OTHER SUPPLEMENTS.
TABLET OR LIQUID.

OTHER SUPPLEMENTS.
TABLET OR LIQUID.
MY WIFE... SHE'S QUITE A GAL.

TABLET OR LIQUID.
MY WIFE... SHE'S QUITE A GAL.
AND I LOVE HER FOR IT.

I'M JUST SICK OF IT.
LOOK, LOOK, LOOK.
I'M PRETTY TIRED OF HAVING THIS

LOOK, LOOK, LOOK.
I'M PRETTY TIRED OF HAVING THIS
ARGUMENT EVERY WEEK, MICHAEL.

I'M PRETTY TIRED OF HAVING THIS
ARGUMENT EVERY WEEK, MICHAEL.
MAY I JUST FINISH ONE

ARGUMENT EVERY WEEK, MICHAEL.
MAY I JUST FINISH ONE
SENTENCE?

MAY I JUST FINISH ONE
SENTENCE?
I'M SICK OF STAYING HOME ALONE

SENTENCE?
I'M SICK OF STAYING HOME ALONE
BY MYSELF EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT.

I'M SICK OF STAYING HOME ALONE
BY MYSELF EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT.
I'M SICK OF GOING TO PARTIES AT

BY MYSELF EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT.
I'M SICK OF GOING TO PARTIES AT
1:30, 2:00 IN THE MORNING JUST

I'M SICK OF GOING TO PARTIES AT
1:30, 2:00 IN THE MORNING JUST
BECAUSE YOU DON'T CARE ENOUGH...

1:30, 2:00 IN THE MORNING JUST
BECAUSE YOU DON'T CARE ENOUGH...
CARING HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH

BECAUSE YOU DON'T CARE ENOUGH...
CARING HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH
IT, MICHAEL, AND YOU KNOW IT.

CARING HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH
IT, MICHAEL, AND YOU KNOW IT.
I HAVE TO BE HERE.

IT, MICHAEL, AND YOU KNOW IT.
I HAVE TO BE HERE.
THIS IS HOW I EARN MY LIVING.

I HAVE TO BE HERE.
THIS IS HOW I EARN MY LIVING.
WELL, OKAY, CHEVY.

THIS IS HOW I EARN MY LIVING.
WELL, OKAY, CHEVY.
I EARN A LIVING, TOO, AND I

WELL, OKAY, CHEVY.
I EARN A LIVING, TOO, AND I
DON'T DO IT BY INCONVENIENCING

I EARN A LIVING, TOO, AND I
DON'T DO IT BY INCONVENIENCING
OTHERS.

DON'T DO IT BY INCONVENIENCING
OTHERS.
LOOK, MICHAEL, I...

OTHERS.
LOOK, MICHAEL, I...
I DON'T WANT TO ARGUE ABOUT THIS

LOOK, MICHAEL, I...
I DON'T WANT TO ARGUE ABOUT THIS
ANY FURTHER.

I DON'T WANT TO ARGUE ABOUT THIS
ANY FURTHER.
YOU'RE ON.

ANY FURTHER.
YOU'RE ON.
[High-pitched] IN OTHER

YOU'RE ON.
[High-pitched] IN OTHER
NEW... [CLEARS THROAT]

[High-pitched] IN OTHER
NEW... [CLEARS THROAT]
IN OTHER NEWS, WELL, THE TIMES

NEW... [CLEARS THROAT]
IN OTHER NEWS, WELL, THE TIMES
THEY ARE A-CHANGING.

IN OTHER NEWS, WELL, THE TIMES
THEY ARE A-CHANGING.
IN CALIFORNIA, POSSESSION OF

THEY ARE A-CHANGING.
IN CALIFORNIA, POSSESSION OF
MARIJUANA IS NOW A MERE

IN CALIFORNIA, POSSESSION OF
MARIJUANA IS NOW A MERE
MISDEMEANOR.

MARIJUANA IS NOW A MERE
MISDEMEANOR.
TODAY, HOWEVER, IT WAS DISCOLD...

MISDEMEANOR.
TODAY, HOWEVER, IT WAS DISCOLD...
DISCLOSE... TOY BOAT... IT WAS

TODAY, HOWEVER, IT WAS DISCOLD...
DISCLOSE... TOY BOAT... IT WAS
DISCLOSED THAT THE PENALTY FOR

DISCLOSE... TOY BOAT... IT WAS
DISCLOSED THAT THE PENALTY FOR
BEING CAUGHT WITH ROLLING PAPERS

DISCLOSED THAT THE PENALTY FOR
BEING CAUGHT WITH ROLLING PAPERS
IS THREE TO FIVE YEARS.

BEING CAUGHT WITH ROLLING PAPERS
IS THREE TO FIVE YEARS.
ANOTHER MARIJUANA NOTE... A

IS THREE TO FIVE YEARS.
ANOTHER MARIJUANA NOTE... A
SERIOUS ONE THIS TIME.

ANOTHER MARIJUANA NOTE... A
SERIOUS ONE THIS TIME.
THE FBI CLAIMS THAT A HUGE

SERIOUS ONE THIS TIME.
THE FBI CLAIMS THAT A HUGE
SHIPMENT OF GRASS, WHICH THEY

THE FBI CLAIMS THAT A HUGE
SHIPMENT OF GRASS, WHICH THEY
ARE CALLING "KILLER DOPE," HAS

SHIPMENT OF GRASS, WHICH THEY
ARE CALLING "KILLER DOPE," HAS
BEEN SMUGGLED INTO

ARE CALLING "KILLER DOPE," HAS
BEEN SMUGGLED INTO
NEW YORK CITY.

BEEN SMUGGLED INTO
NEW YORK CITY.
THE BUREAU URGES USERS NOT TO

NEW YORK CITY.
THE BUREAU URGES USERS NOT TO
SMOKE THE WEED, WHICH IS

THE BUREAU URGES USERS NOT TO
SMOKE THE WEED, WHICH IS
GREENISH-BROWN IN COLOR, NOT

SMOKE THE WEED, WHICH IS
GREENISH-BROWN IN COLOR, NOT
PARTICULARLY SEEDY, AND CONTAINS

GREENISH-BROWN IN COLOR, NOT
PARTICULARLY SEEDY, AND CONTAINS
MOSTLY CANNABIS BUDS.

PARTICULARLY SEEDY, AND CONTAINS
MOSTLY CANNABIS BUDS.
WARNING SYMPTOMS ARE A MILD

MOSTLY CANNABIS BUDS.
WARNING SYMPTOMS ARE A MILD
EUPHORIA, A SLIGHT RISE IN THE

WARNING SYMPTOMS ARE A MILD
EUPHORIA, A SLIGHT RISE IN THE
PULSE RATE, SOME HALLUCINATION,

EUPHORIA, A SLIGHT RISE IN THE
PULSE RATE, SOME HALLUCINATION,
AND DEATH BY LAUGHTER WITHIN 15

PULSE RATE, SOME HALLUCINATION,
AND DEATH BY LAUGHTER WITHIN 15
MINUTES OF INGESTION.

AND DEATH BY LAUGHTER WITHIN 15
MINUTES OF INGESTION.
IN AN EFFORT TO AID THE FBI IN

MINUTES OF INGESTION.
IN AN EFFORT TO AID THE FBI IN
ITS INVESTIGATION,

IN AN EFFORT TO AID THE FBI IN
ITS INVESTIGATION,
"WEEKEND UPDATE" IS UNDERTAKING

ITS INVESTIGATION,
"WEEKEND UPDATE" IS UNDERTAKING
ITS OWN ANALYSIS OF MARIJUANA

"WEEKEND UPDATE" IS UNDERTAKING
ITS OWN ANALYSIS OF MARIJUANA
SENT TO US ANONYMOUSLY BY ANY

ITS OWN ANALYSIS OF MARIJUANA
SENT TO US ANONYMOUSLY BY ANY
VIEWERS WHO MAY BE WORRIED.

SIMPLY PLACE A SMALL SAMPLE OF

THE SUSPECTED CANNABIS IN AN

ENVELOPE AND SEND IT IMMEDIATELY

TO...

OUR FINAL NOTE TONIGHT CONCERNS
THE 50th ANNIVERSARY OF NBC,
CELEBRATED WITH THE UNVEILING OF

THE 50th ANNIVERSARY OF NBC,
CELEBRATED WITH THE UNVEILING OF
THEIR NEW LOGO, WHICH COST, ALL

CELEBRATED WITH THE UNVEILING OF
THEIR NEW LOGO, WHICH COST, ALL
TOLD, A WHOPPING $6 MILLION.

THEIR NEW LOGO, WHICH COST, ALL
TOLD, A WHOPPING $6 MILLION.
SURPRISINGLY ENOUGH, THE SAME

TOLD, A WHOPPING $6 MILLION.
SURPRISINGLY ENOUGH, THE SAME
LOGO WAS DEVELOPED BY A LOCAL

SURPRISINGLY ENOUGH, THE SAME
LOGO WAS DEVELOPED BY A LOCAL
TV STATION IN THE MIDWEST AT A

LOGO WAS DEVELOPED BY A LOCAL
TV STATION IN THE MIDWEST AT A
COST OF $100 AND HAS BEEN IN USE

TV STATION IN THE MIDWEST AT A
COST OF $100 AND HAS BEEN IN USE
THERE FOR SOME TIME.

COST OF $100 AND HAS BEEN IN USE
THERE FOR SOME TIME.
NOT ONLY IS THAT STATION SUING

THERE FOR SOME TIME.
NOT ONLY IS THAT STATION SUING
NBC, BUT "WEEKEND UPDATE"

NOT ONLY IS THAT STATION SUING
NBC, BUT "WEEKEND UPDATE"
RESEARCH HAS UNCOVERED OTHER

NBC, BUT "WEEKEND UPDATE"
RESEARCH HAS UNCOVERED OTHER
BUSINESSES WHO HAVE BEEN USING

RESEARCH HAS UNCOVERED OTHER
BUSINESSES WHO HAVE BEEN USING
THE INSIGNIA FOR A NUMBER OF

BUSINESSES WHO HAVE BEEN USING
THE INSIGNIA FOR A NUMBER OF
YEARS AND WHO ARE PLANNING ON

THE INSIGNIA FOR A NUMBER OF
YEARS AND WHO ARE PLANNING ON
BRINGING THEIR CLAIMS TO COURT.

YEARS AND WHO ARE PLANNING ON
BRINGING THEIR CLAIMS TO COURT.
AMONG THOSE SUING... NED'S BODY

BRINGING THEIR CLAIMS TO COURT.
AMONG THOSE SUING... NED'S BODY
SHOP AND HAIRDRESSER IN CARVEL,

AMONG THOSE SUING... NED'S BODY
SHOP AND HAIRDRESSER IN CARVEL,
NEW JERSEY, NORTON'S SUPPOSITORY

SHOP AND HAIRDRESSER IN CARVEL,
NEW JERSEY, NORTON'S SUPPOSITORY
CLEANERS IN AUSTIN, TEXAS, THE

NEW JERSEY, NORTON'S SUPPOSITORY
CLEANERS IN AUSTIN, TEXAS, THE
NATIONAL CAST-IRON MIME TROUPE

CLEANERS IN AUSTIN, TEXAS, THE
NATIONAL CAST-IRON MIME TROUPE
IN SAN DIEGO, THE "NEARER TO

NATIONAL CAST-IRON MIME TROUPE
IN SAN DIEGO, THE "NEARER TO
THEE, MY DOG," PET-BURIAL

IN SAN DIEGO, THE "NEARER TO
THEE, MY DOG," PET-BURIAL
SERVICE IN PENSACOLA, FLORIDA,

THEE, MY DOG," PET-BURIAL
SERVICE IN PENSACOLA, FLORIDA,
AND THE NECK BRACE AND

SERVICE IN PENSACOLA, FLORIDA,
AND THE NECK BRACE AND
DENTAL TECHNICIANS UNION IN

AND THE NECK BRACE AND
DENTAL TECHNICIANS UNION IN
DETROIT, MICHIGAN.

DENTAL TECHNICIANS UNION IN
DETROIT, MICHIGAN.
IN AN EFFORT TO WARD OFF LEGAL

DETROIT, MICHIGAN.
IN AN EFFORT TO WARD OFF LEGAL
ACTION, NBC HAS DECIDED TO LOOK

IN AN EFFORT TO WARD OFF LEGAL
ACTION, NBC HAS DECIDED TO LOOK
OVER THEIR EARLIER LOGO IDEAS,

ACTION, NBC HAS DECIDED TO LOOK
OVER THEIR EARLIER LOGO IDEAS,
BEGINNING WITH THE $4 MILLION

OVER THEIR EARLIER LOGO IDEAS,
BEGINNING WITH THE $4 MILLION
DESIGN.

AND, OF COURSE, WE HAVE THE
$300,000 CONCEPT.
AND, OF COURSE, NEXT, THE $200

$300,000 CONCEPT.
AND, OF COURSE, NEXT, THE $200
LOGO.

AND, OF COURSE, NEXT, THE $200
LOGO.
AND, OF COURSE, FINALLY, THE $3

LOGO.
AND, OF COURSE, FINALLY, THE $3
DESIGN ORIGINALLY SUBMITTED BY

AND, OF COURSE, FINALLY, THE $3
DESIGN ORIGINALLY SUBMITTED BY
ALEXANDER CALDER'S PET GIBBON,

DESIGN ORIGINALLY SUBMITTED BY
ALEXANDER CALDER'S PET GIBBON,
MARVIN.

AND NOW, AS A PUBLIC SERVICE TO

THOSE OF OUR VIEWERS WHO ARE

FOREIGN, I WILL REPEAT THE TOP

STORY OF THE DAY IN A FOREIGN

LANGUAGE.

[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

PRESIDENT FORD...

GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT
TOMORROW.

"AIRPORT '75" IS PLAYING
AROUND THE CORNER.
I DON'T KNOW, HONEY.

AROUND THE CORNER.
I DON'T KNOW, HONEY.
I DON'T FEEL RIGHT ABOUT SEEING

I DON'T KNOW, HONEY.
I DON'T FEEL RIGHT ABOUT SEEING
"AIRPORT '75" IN '76.

I DON'T FEEL RIGHT ABOUT SEEING
"AIRPORT '75" IN '76.
AND NOW, HERE'S SANDY DUNCAN

"AIRPORT '75" IN '76.
AND NOW, HERE'S SANDY DUNCAN
FOR THE NEW B.A.F. VIEWMASTER.

AND NOW, HERE'S SANDY DUNCAN
FOR THE NEW B.A.F. VIEWMASTER.
W... WHAT IS THIS?

FOR THE NEW B.A.F. VIEWMASTER.
W... WHAT IS THIS?
IS THIS A JOKE?

W... WHAT IS THIS?
IS THIS A JOKE?
HOW DOES THIS THING WORK?

IS THIS A JOKE?
HOW DOES THIS THING WORK?
I CAN'T...

HOW DOES THIS THING WORK?
I CAN'T...
WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM TO

I CAN'T...
WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM TO
BRING YOU THIS BULLETIN FROM

WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM TO
BRING YOU THIS BULLETIN FROM
THE NEWSROOM.

BRING YOU THIS BULLETIN FROM
THE NEWSROOM.
SWARMS OF SOUTH AMERICAN KILLER

THE NEWSROOM.
SWARMS OF SOUTH AMERICAN KILLER
BEES HAVE BEEN SPOTTED CROSSING

SWARMS OF SOUTH AMERICAN KILLER
BEES HAVE BEEN SPOTTED CROSSING
THE BORDER INTO CALIFORNIA.

BEES HAVE BEEN SPOTTED CROSSING
THE BORDER INTO CALIFORNIA.
SIGHTINGS HAVE MOSTLY BEEN

THE BORDER INTO CALIFORNIA.
SIGHTINGS HAVE MOSTLY BEEN
CONFINED TO RURAL AREAS.

SIGHTINGS HAVE MOSTLY BEEN
CONFINED TO RURAL AREAS.
NONE HAVE YET BEEN SEEN IN

CONFINED TO RURAL AREAS.
NONE HAVE YET BEEN SEEN IN
THE MORE HEAVILY POPULATED

NONE HAVE YET BEEN SEEN IN
THE MORE HEAVILY POPULATED
AREAS.

THE MORE HEAVILY POPULATED
AREAS.
EYEWITNESSES SAY THAT THE BEES

AREAS.
EYEWITNESSES SAY THAT THE BEES
ARE YELLOW AND BLACK.

EYEWITNESSES SAY THAT THE BEES
ARE YELLOW AND BLACK.
DO AS I SAY, SEÑOR, OR YOUR

ARE YELLOW AND BLACK.
DO AS I SAY, SEÑOR, OR YOUR
WIFE DIES.

DO AS I SAY, SEÑOR, OR YOUR
WIFE DIES.
DRESS MUCH THE WAY

WIFE DIES.
DRESS MUCH THE WAY
ELI WALLACH DID IN THE MOVIE

DRESS MUCH THE WAY
ELI WALLACH DID IN THE MOVIE
"THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN."

ELI WALLACH DID IN THE MOVIE
"THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN."
THE BEES ARE ALSO OVERWEIGHT.

"THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN."
THE BEES ARE ALSO OVERWEIGHT.
TURN THE RADIO OFF!

THE BEES ARE ALSO OVERWEIGHT.
TURN THE RADIO OFF!
AND DANGER...

TURN THE RADIO OFF!
AND DANGER...
[GASPS]

AND DANGER...
[GASPS]
[LAUGHS]

[GASPS]
[LAUGHS]
WAIT A MINUTE.

[LAUGHS]
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU MUST BE THE...

WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU MUST BE THE...
THAT'S RIGHT, GRINGO.

YOU MUST BE THE...
THAT'S RIGHT, GRINGO.
THE KILLER BEES.

THAT'S RIGHT, GRINGO.
THE KILLER BEES.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]

THE KILLER BEES.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
CARLOS, LOCK THE DOOR.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
CARLOS, LOCK THE DOOR.
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

UH, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM US?
WE WANT YOUR POLLEN.
YOU WANT OUR POLLEN?

WE WANT YOUR POLLEN.
YOU WANT OUR POLLEN?
YOUR POLLEN OR YOUR WIFE,

YOU WANT OUR POLLEN?
YOUR POLLEN OR YOUR WIFE,
SEÑOR!

YOUR POLLEN OR YOUR WIFE,
SEÑOR!
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

SEÑOR!
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WE... WE DON'T HAVE ANY POLLEN.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WE... WE DON'T HAVE ANY POLLEN.
[LAUGHTER]

WE... WE DON'T HAVE ANY POLLEN.
[LAUGHTER]
I THINK THERE COULD BE SOME

[LAUGHTER]
I THINK THERE COULD BE SOME
POLLEN IN MY COAT.

I THINK THERE COULD BE SOME
POLLEN IN MY COAT.
WHY DON'T I JUST TAKE A LOOK?

POLLEN IN MY COAT.
WHY DON'T I JUST TAKE A LOOK?
NO. NO POLLEN HERE.

WHY DON'T I JUST TAKE A LOOK?
NO. NO POLLEN HERE.
MUST HAVE LEFT IT IN THE FOYER.

NO. NO POLLEN HERE.
MUST HAVE LEFT IT IN THE FOYER.
NICE SHOES, SEÑOR.

MUST HAVE LEFT IT IN THE FOYER.
NICE SHOES, SEÑOR.
OOH!

NICE SHOES, SEÑOR.
OOH!
[LAUGHTER]

OOH!
[LAUGHTER]
WAIT. WAIT A MINUTE.

[LAUGHTER]
WAIT. WAIT A MINUTE.
HONEY, WHAT ABOUT THAT POLLEN

WAIT. WAIT A MINUTE.
HONEY, WHAT ABOUT THAT POLLEN
YOU LEFT IN THE FREEZER?

HONEY, WHAT ABOUT THAT POLLEN
YOU LEFT IN THE FREEZER?
WHY DON'T YOU GO GET IT?

YOU LEFT IN THE FREEZER?
WHY DON'T YOU GO GET IT?
NO, WAIT... MY MISTAKE.

WHY DON'T YOU GO GET IT?
NO, WAIT... MY MISTAKE.
DIDN'T WE LEAVE THE POLLEN AT

NO, WAIT... MY MISTAKE.
DIDN'T WE LEAVE THE POLLEN AT
AUNT BETTY'S?

DIDN'T WE LEAVE THE POLLEN AT
AUNT BETTY'S?
OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

AUNT BETTY'S?
OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
THAT WHOLE BIG PILE OF POLLEN IS

OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
THAT WHOLE BIG PILE OF POLLEN IS
AT AUNT BETTY'S.