Saturday Night Live (1975–…): Season 1, Episode 23 - Louise Lasser/Preservation Hall Jazz Band - full transcript

CHEVY, UH, I DON'T THINK IT'S
THAT JOHN WAS HURT.
I JUST THINK HE... HE FEELS

THAT JOHN WAS HURT.
I JUST THINK HE... HE FEELS
YOU'RE GETTING MORE ATTENTION

I JUST THINK HE... HE FEELS
YOU'RE GETTING MORE ATTENTION
THAN HE IS.

YOU'RE GETTING MORE ATTENTION
THAN HE IS.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

THAN HE IS.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
THAT'S NOT A GOOD EXCUSE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
THAT'S NOT A GOOD EXCUSE.
WELL, I KNOW, BUT I DON'T

THAT'S NOT A GOOD EXCUSE.
WELL, I KNOW, BUT I DON'T
THINK HE WAS THAT HURT.

WELL, I KNOW, BUT I DON'T
THINK HE WAS THAT HURT.
WE'RE ON THE AIR.

THINK HE WAS THAT HURT.
WE'RE ON THE AIR.
OH, SORRY.

WE'RE ON THE AIR.
OH, SORRY.
WELL, HERE WE ARE.

OH, SORRY.
WELL, HERE WE ARE.
BACK FROM VACATION.



WELL, HERE WE ARE.
BACK FROM VACATION.
HEY, KIDS! HOW ARE YOU?

BACK FROM VACATION.
HEY, KIDS! HOW ARE YOU?
HI, JOHN.

HEY, KIDS! HOW ARE YOU?
HI, JOHN.
WHAT'S GOING ON, JOHN?

HI, JOHN.
WHAT'S GOING ON, JOHN?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WHAT'S GOING ON, JOHN?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HOW'S EVERYBODY DOING?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HOW'S EVERYBODY DOING?
GREAT.

HOW'S EVERYBODY DOING?
GREAT.
JUST GOT IN FROM L.A., AND,

GREAT.
JUST GOT IN FROM L.A., AND,
HEY.

JUST GOT IN FROM L.A., AND,
HEY.
ANYHOW, NICE TO SEE YOU.

HEY.
ANYHOW, NICE TO SEE YOU.
GILDA, YOU LOOK SO SWEET.

ANYHOW, NICE TO SEE YOU.
GILDA, YOU LOOK SO SWEET.
JANE, HOW'S PATRICK DOING?

GILDA, YOU LOOK SO SWEET.
JANE, HOW'S PATRICK DOING?
HE'S FINE.

JANE, HOW'S PATRICK DOING?
HE'S FINE.
DANNY, YOU SON OF A GUN.

HE'S FINE.
DANNY, YOU SON OF A GUN.
[SIGHS]



DANNY, YOU SON OF A GUN.
[SIGHS]
WELL, MR. CHASE.

[SIGHS]
WELL, MR. CHASE.
I GOT TO SPLIT.

WELL, MR. CHASE.
I GOT TO SPLIT.
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

I GOT TO SPLIT.
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
GIVE YOU A DRIVE HOME, JOHN.

I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
GIVE YOU A DRIVE HOME, JOHN.
YEAH.

GIVE YOU A DRIVE HOME, JOHN.
YEAH.
HI, JOHN. NICE SUIT.

YEAH.
HI, JOHN. NICE SUIT.
THANKS.

HI, JOHN. NICE SUIT.
THANKS.
LISTEN, CHEVY, UH...

THANKS.
LISTEN, CHEVY, UH...
I BEEN THINKING ABOUT WHAT I

LISTEN, CHEVY, UH...
I BEEN THINKING ABOUT WHAT I
SAID AND STUFF, AND, UH...

I BEEN THINKING ABOUT WHAT I
SAID AND STUFF, AND, UH...
WE BEEN FRIENDS A LONG TIME.

SAID AND STUFF, AND, UH...
WE BEEN FRIENDS A LONG TIME.
I DON'T THINK THAT SHOULD STOP

WE BEEN FRIENDS A LONG TIME.
I DON'T THINK THAT SHOULD STOP
US FROM BEING FRIENDS, AND, YOU

I DON'T THINK THAT SHOULD STOP
US FROM BEING FRIENDS, AND, YOU
KNOW, WE GOT TO WORK TOGETHER.

US FROM BEING FRIENDS, AND, YOU
KNOW, WE GOT TO WORK TOGETHER.
WHAT DO YOU SAY, PAL, HUH?

KNOW, WE GOT TO WORK TOGETHER.
WHAT DO YOU SAY, PAL, HUH?
BYGONES BE BYGONES?

WHAT DO YOU SAY, PAL, HUH?
BYGONES BE BYGONES?
ARE YOU SERIOUS?

BYGONES BE BYGONES?
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
YEAH.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?
YEAH.
GO ON. GO ON.

YEAH.
GO ON. GO ON.
HEY!

GO ON. GO ON.
HEY!
HEY, MAN, YEAH.

HEY!
HEY, MAN, YEAH.
TO A GOOD SHOW, HUH?

HEY, MAN, YEAH.
TO A GOOD SHOW, HUH?
[SHOUTING]

TO A GOOD SHOW, HUH?
[SHOUTING]
ALL RIGHT, NOW WE'RE TALKING!

[SHOUTING]
ALL RIGHT, NOW WE'RE TALKING!
YOU SERIOUS ABOUT THIS, RIGHT?

ALL RIGHT, NOW WE'RE TALKING!
YOU SERIOUS ABOUT THIS, RIGHT?
ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEE IT.

YOU SERIOUS ABOUT THIS, RIGHT?
ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEE IT.
ALL RIGHT, BACK HAND.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEE IT.
ALL RIGHT, BACK HAND.
ALL RIGHT, LET ME TELL YOU

ALL RIGHT, BACK HAND.
ALL RIGHT, LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING ELSE.

ALL RIGHT, LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING ELSE.
COME ON.

SOMETHING ELSE.
COME ON.
ALL RIGHT, YOU WANT TO GO?

COME ON.
ALL RIGHT, YOU WANT TO GO?
HO!

ALL RIGHT, YOU WANT TO GO?
HO!
OH, YEAH!

HO!
OH, YEAH!
HUP!

OH, YEAH!
HUP!
BUH-ONG!

HUP!
BUH-ONG!
OKAY! HEY!

BUH-ONG!
OKAY! HEY!
HEY!

OKAY! HEY!
HEY!
Both: BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM.

HEY!
Both: BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM.
HEY.

LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
[BAND PLAYS]

Announcer: NBC's

"SATURDAY NIGHT"...

STARRING...

WITH HER GUEST...

AND THE NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME

PLAYERS...

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
LOUISE LASSER.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WELL, THAT'S NICE.
[LAUGHTER]
LISTEN, UH, THIS IS A LITTLE

[LAUGHTER]
LISTEN, UH, THIS IS A LITTLE
STRANGE FOR ME 'CAUSE THIS IS

LISTEN, UH, THIS IS A LITTLE
STRANGE FOR ME 'CAUSE THIS IS
THE FIRST SHOW I'VE DONE SINCE

STRANGE FOR ME 'CAUSE THIS IS
THE FIRST SHOW I'VE DONE SINCE
MY OWN SHOW, AND, UH, IT'S THE

THE FIRST SHOW I'VE DONE SINCE
MY OWN SHOW, AND, UH, IT'S THE
ONLY SHOW I'VE DONE SINCE MY

MY OWN SHOW, AND, UH, IT'S THE
ONLY SHOW I'VE DONE SINCE MY
OWN SHOW.

ONLY SHOW I'VE DONE SINCE MY
OWN SHOW.
IT'S THE ONLY SHOW I'VE SEEN

OWN SHOW.
IT'S THE ONLY SHOW I'VE SEEN
SINCE MY OWN SHOW.

IT'S THE ONLY SHOW I'VE SEEN
SINCE MY OWN SHOW.
AND ONE OF THE REASONS WHY IS I

SINCE MY OWN SHOW.
AND ONE OF THE REASONS WHY IS I
REALLY DO LOVE THIS SHOW.

AND ONE OF THE REASONS WHY IS I
REALLY DO LOVE THIS SHOW.
I MEAN, I'VE LOVED IT FROM THE

REALLY DO LOVE THIS SHOW.
I MEAN, I'VE LOVED IT FROM THE
FIRST TIME I SAW IT 'CAUSE IT

I MEAN, I'VE LOVED IT FROM THE
FIRST TIME I SAW IT 'CAUSE IT
DEALS WITH STUFF I LIKE, AND IT

FIRST TIME I SAW IT 'CAUSE IT
DEALS WITH STUFF I LIKE, AND IT
JUST SORT OF MAKES NEW ENTRéES

DEALS WITH STUFF I LIKE, AND IT
JUST SORT OF MAKES NEW ENTRéES
INTO COMEDY THAT I APPROVE OF.

JUST SORT OF MAKES NEW ENTRéES
INTO COMEDY THAT I APPROVE OF.
AND IT'S JUST, UH...

INTO COMEDY THAT I APPROVE OF.
AND IT'S JUST, UH...
ALSO, I'LL TELL YOU, IT'S A

AND IT'S JUST, UH...
ALSO, I'LL TELL YOU, IT'S A
RELIEF TO BE HERE BECAUSE RIGHT

ALSO, I'LL TELL YOU, IT'S A
RELIEF TO BE HERE BECAUSE RIGHT
NOW, IN MY SHOW, I'M HAVING A

RELIEF TO BE HERE BECAUSE RIGHT
NOW, IN MY SHOW, I'M HAVING A
NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.

NOW, IN MY SHOW, I'M HAVING A
NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.
IF SOME OF YOU HAVE WATCHED IT,

NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.
IF SOME OF YOU HAVE WATCHED IT,
I'VE JUST BEEN COMMITTED TO AN

IF SOME OF YOU HAVE WATCHED IT,
I'VE JUST BEEN COMMITTED TO AN
INSTITUTION, SO TONIGHT, I'M

I'VE JUST BEEN COMMITTED TO AN
INSTITUTION, SO TONIGHT, I'M
HERE COMMITTED TO YOU.

INSTITUTION, SO TONIGHT, I'M
HERE COMMITTED TO YOU.
[CHUCKLES]

HERE COMMITTED TO YOU.
[CHUCKLES]
NOW, I WISH I COULD TELL YOU WE

[CHUCKLES]
NOW, I WISH I COULD TELL YOU WE
HAD A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU, BUT I

NOW, I WISH I COULD TELL YOU WE
HAD A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU, BUT I
CAN'T.

HAD A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU, BUT I
CAN'T.
NO, IT'S NOT 'CAUSE OF THE SHOW.

CAN'T.
NO, IT'S NOT 'CAUSE OF THE SHOW.
I MEAN, THE STAFF... EVERYONE'S

NO, IT'S NOT 'CAUSE OF THE SHOW.
I MEAN, THE STAFF... EVERYONE'S
GREAT.

I MEAN, THE STAFF... EVERYONE'S
GREAT.
IT'S JUST THAT I'M REAL TIRED.

GREAT.
IT'S JUST THAT I'M REAL TIRED.
[LAUGHS]

IT'S JUST THAT I'M REAL TIRED.
[LAUGHS]
YOU MAY WONDER WHY.

[LAUGHS]
YOU MAY WONDER WHY.
AND I'M A LITTLE SCARED, AND,

YOU MAY WONDER WHY.
AND I'M A LITTLE SCARED, AND,
UM, YOU'RE, UH... LIVE.

AND I'M A LITTLE SCARED, AND,
UM, YOU'RE, UH... LIVE.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

UM, YOU'RE, UH... LIVE.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
YOU'RE A LIVE AUDIENCE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
YOU'RE A LIVE AUDIENCE.
I MEAN, IT'S NOT... WE DON'T

YOU'RE A LIVE AUDIENCE.
I MEAN, IT'S NOT... WE DON'T
WORK IN FRONT OF A LIVE

I MEAN, IT'S NOT... WE DON'T
WORK IN FRONT OF A LIVE
AUDIENCE.

WORK IN FRONT OF A LIVE
AUDIENCE.
OUR AUDIENCE IS DEAD.

AUDIENCE.
OUR AUDIENCE IS DEAD.
[LAUGHTER]

OUR AUDIENCE IS DEAD.
[LAUGHTER]
NO, IT'S NOT THAT THEY'RE DEAD.

[LAUGHTER]
NO, IT'S NOT THAT THEY'RE DEAD.
IT'S JUST THAT THEY'RE NOT

NO, IT'S NOT THAT THEY'RE DEAD.
IT'S JUST THAT THEY'RE NOT
THERE.

IT'S JUST THAT THEY'RE NOT
THERE.
THEY'RE SOMEWHERE BUT NOT THERE.

THERE.
THEY'RE SOMEWHERE BUT NOT THERE.
UH, LET ME TELL YOU HOW ALL THIS

THEY'RE SOMEWHERE BUT NOT THERE.
UH, LET ME TELL YOU HOW ALL THIS
HAPPENED.

UH, LET ME TELL YOU HOW ALL THIS
HAPPENED.
HOW I GOT INVOLVED WITH THE SHOW

HAPPENED.
HOW I GOT INVOLVED WITH THE SHOW
IS THAT LORNE MICHAELS...

HOW I GOT INVOLVED WITH THE SHOW
IS THAT LORNE MICHAELS...
FAMILIAR GESTURE?

IS THAT LORNE MICHAELS...
FAMILIAR GESTURE?
SO, LORNE MICHAELS, WHO'S THE,

FAMILIAR GESTURE?
SO, LORNE MICHAELS, WHO'S THE,
UM... PRODUCER OF THIS SHOW

SO, LORNE MICHAELS, WHO'S THE,
UM... PRODUCER OF THIS SHOW
CALLED ME UP ONE DAY AND ASKED

UM... PRODUCER OF THIS SHOW
CALLED ME UP ONE DAY AND ASKED
ME IF I WOULD DO THE SHOW.

CALLED ME UP ONE DAY AND ASKED
ME IF I WOULD DO THE SHOW.
AND HE CALLED ME, AND HE SAID,

ME IF I WOULD DO THE SHOW.
AND HE CALLED ME, AND HE SAID,
"I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT

AND HE CALLED ME, AND HE SAID,
"I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT
IT'S NOT BECAUSE OF, UH,

"I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT
IT'S NOT BECAUSE OF, UH,
'MARY HARTMAN' THAT I WANT YOU

IT'S NOT BECAUSE OF, UH,
'MARY HARTMAN' THAT I WANT YOU
TO DO IT.

'MARY HARTMAN' THAT I WANT YOU
TO DO IT.
I ALWAYS FELT THAT YOU SHOULD DO

TO DO IT.
I ALWAYS FELT THAT YOU SHOULD DO
THE SHOW."

I ALWAYS FELT THAT YOU SHOULD DO
THE SHOW."
HE'D SEEN ME ON SOMETHING ON

THE SHOW."
HE'D SEEN ME ON SOMETHING ON
CABLE TV.

HE'D SEEN ME ON SOMETHING ON
CABLE TV.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT WAS, BUT,

CABLE TV.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT WAS, BUT,
UM...

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT WAS, BUT,
UM...
SO I DID SAY TO HIM, "LISTEN,

UM...
SO I DID SAY TO HIM, "LISTEN,
YOU KNOW, WHAT AM I GONNA DO?

SO I DID SAY TO HIM, "LISTEN,
YOU KNOW, WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
YOU KNOW, I'M NOT A MONOLOGIST.

YOU KNOW, WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
YOU KNOW, I'M NOT A MONOLOGIST.
I DON'T HAVE AN ACT.

YOU KNOW, I'M NOT A MONOLOGIST.
I DON'T HAVE AN ACT.
I MEAN, I DON'T DO THAT KIND OF

I DON'T HAVE AN ACT.
I MEAN, I DON'T DO THAT KIND OF
STUFF.

I MEAN, I DON'T DO THAT KIND OF
STUFF.
YOU KNOW, I DON'T DO JOKE

STUFF.
YOU KNOW, I DON'T DO JOKE
JOKES."

YOU KNOW, I DON'T DO JOKE
JOKES."
AND HE SAID, "DON'T WORRY ABOUT

JOKES."
AND HE SAID, "DON'T WORRY ABOUT
IT.

AND HE SAID, "DON'T WORRY ABOUT
IT.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE NATURALLY

IT.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE NATURALLY
FUNNY."

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE NATURALLY
FUNNY."
SO I LOOKED DOWN AT MYSELF.

FUNNY."
SO I LOOKED DOWN AT MYSELF.
NO, HE SAID, "YOU'RE

SO I LOOKED DOWN AT MYSELF.
NO, HE SAID, "YOU'RE
NATURALLY FUNNY."

NO, HE SAID, "YOU'RE
NATURALLY FUNNY."
HE SAID, "JUST, YOU KNOW, YOU GO

NATURALLY FUNNY."
HE SAID, "JUST, YOU KNOW, YOU GO
OUT THERE AND YOU BE YOURSELF,

HE SAID, "JUST, YOU KNOW, YOU GO
OUT THERE AND YOU BE YOURSELF,
AND YOU 'WING IT.'"

OUT THERE AND YOU BE YOURSELF,
AND YOU 'WING IT.'"
[LAUGHTER]

AND YOU 'WING IT.'"
[LAUGHTER]
SO I'M WINGING IT.

[LAUGHTER]
SO I'M WINGING IT.
WHAT?

SO I'M WINGING IT.
WHAT?
OH, OKAY. OH. I'M SORRY.

WHAT?
OH, OKAY. OH. I'M SORRY.
UM, SO ANYWAY, SO WHAT I DECIDED

OH, OKAY. OH. I'M SORRY.
UM, SO ANYWAY, SO WHAT I DECIDED
TO DO WAS... I DECIDED THAT WHAT

UM, SO ANYWAY, SO WHAT I DECIDED
TO DO WAS... I DECIDED THAT WHAT
I'D LIKE TO DO IS...

TO DO WAS... I DECIDED THAT WHAT
I'D LIKE TO DO IS...
I-I DIDN'T WANT THE WRITERS TO

I'D LIKE TO DO IS...
I-I DIDN'T WANT THE WRITERS TO
WRITE A STORY FOR ME 'CAUSE I

I-I DIDN'T WANT THE WRITERS TO
WRITE A STORY FOR ME 'CAUSE I
DON'T LIKE, YOU KNOW, CONTRIVED

WRITE A STORY FOR ME 'CAUSE I
DON'T LIKE, YOU KNOW, CONTRIVED
STUFF VERY MUCH.

DON'T LIKE, YOU KNOW, CONTRIVED
STUFF VERY MUCH.
SO I WANTED TO TELL A PERSONAL

STUFF VERY MUCH.
SO I WANTED TO TELL A PERSONAL
STORY THAT HAPPENED TO ME THAT I

SO I WANTED TO TELL A PERSONAL
STORY THAT HAPPENED TO ME THAT I
THOUGHT YOU MIGHT FIND

STORY THAT HAPPENED TO ME THAT I
THOUGHT YOU MIGHT FIND
INTERESTING, AND, YOU KNOW, WE'D

THOUGHT YOU MIGHT FIND
INTERESTING, AND, YOU KNOW, WE'D
ALL, YOU KNOW.

INTERESTING, AND, YOU KNOW, WE'D
ALL, YOU KNOW.
SO, ANYWAY, I PICKED A PERSONAL

ALL, YOU KNOW.
SO, ANYWAY, I PICKED A PERSONAL
STORY THAT I PERSONALLY THINK IS

SO, ANYWAY, I PICKED A PERSONAL
STORY THAT I PERSONALLY THINK IS
HILARIOUS, OKAY?

STORY THAT I PERSONALLY THINK IS
HILARIOUS, OKAY?
NOW...

HILARIOUS, OKAY?
NOW...
I'M IN BEVERLY HILLS, RIGHT?

NOW...
I'M IN BEVERLY HILLS, RIGHT?
[LAUGHTER]

I'M IN BEVERLY HILLS, RIGHT?
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
SORRY, IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
SORRY, IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK
IT'S GONNA BE.

SORRY, IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK
IT'S GONNA BE.
I'M IN BEVERLY HILLS, AND,

IT'S GONNA BE.
I'M IN BEVERLY HILLS, AND,
UM... I'M GETTING INTO A CAB.

I'M IN BEVERLY HILLS, AND,
UM... I'M GETTING INTO A CAB.
I'M GONNA MEET, UM, MY GOOD

UM... I'M GETTING INTO A CAB.
I'M GONNA MEET, UM, MY GOOD
FRIEND JACK NICHOLSON FOR LUNCH.

I'M GONNA MEET, UM, MY GOOD
FRIEND JACK NICHOLSON FOR LUNCH.
OH, I'M SORRY.

FRIEND JACK NICHOLSON FOR LUNCH.
OH, I'M SORRY.
THAT SHOULD READ "NEW FRIEND."

OH, I'M SORRY.
THAT SHOULD READ "NEW FRIEND."
MY NEW FRIEND...

THAT SHOULD READ "NEW FRIEND."
MY NEW FRIEND...
WAIT, LET ME EXPLAIN SOMETHING

MY NEW FRIEND...
WAIT, LET ME EXPLAIN SOMETHING
TO YOU.

WAIT, LET ME EXPLAIN SOMETHING
TO YOU.
THEY USE CUE CARDS HERE.

TO YOU.
THEY USE CUE CARDS HERE.
I'M NOT USED TO CUE CARDS, OKAY?

THEY USE CUE CARDS HERE.
I'M NOT USED TO CUE CARDS, OKAY?
SO THEY HAVE ON THE CUE CARD...

I'M NOT USED TO CUE CARDS, OKAY?
SO THEY HAVE ON THE CUE CARD...
IT SAYS...

SO THEY HAVE ON THE CUE CARD...
IT SAYS...
YOU CAN SEE IT, THOSE OF YOU WHO

IT SAYS...
YOU CAN SEE IT, THOSE OF YOU WHO
CAN SEE IT.

YOU CAN SEE IT, THOSE OF YOU WHO
CAN SEE IT.
IT SAYS, UH..."MY GOOD FRIEND

CAN SEE IT.
IT SAYS, UH..."MY GOOD FRIEND
JACK NICHOLSON," WHEN IT SHOULD

IT SAYS, UH..."MY GOOD FRIEND
JACK NICHOLSON," WHEN IT SHOULD
BE "MY NEW FRIEND," AND IT'S NOT

JACK NICHOLSON," WHEN IT SHOULD
BE "MY NEW FRIEND," AND IT'S NOT
JACK NICHOLSON.

BE "MY NEW FRIEND," AND IT'S NOT
JACK NICHOLSON.
I DON'T KNOW JACK NICHOLSON.

JACK NICHOLSON.
I DON'T KNOW JACK NICHOLSON.
[LAUGHTER]

I DON'T KNOW JACK NICHOLSON.
[LAUGHTER]
WELL, ANYWAY, HERE IS MY

[LAUGHTER]
WELL, ANYWAY, HERE IS MY
PERSONAL STORY ON CUE CARDS, AND

WELL, ANYWAY, HERE IS MY
PERSONAL STORY ON CUE CARDS, AND
NOW NICHOLSON IS IN IT.

PERSONAL STORY ON CUE CARDS, AND
NOW NICHOLSON IS IN IT.
SO, UH, I DON'T...

NOW NICHOLSON IS IN IT.
SO, UH, I DON'T...
I AM TIRED.

SO, UH, I DON'T...
I AM TIRED.
NO, I REALLY AM TIRED.

I AM TIRED.
NO, I REALLY AM TIRED.
I...

NO, I REALLY AM TIRED.
I...
[LAUGHTER]

I...
[LAUGHTER]
I'M SORRY.

[LAUGHTER]
I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY. I JUST CAN'T DO IT.

I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY. I JUST CAN'T DO IT.
WHAT?

I'M SORRY. I JUST CAN'T DO IT.
WHAT?
[LAUGHTER]

WHAT?
[LAUGHTER]
OH.

[LAUGHTER]
OH.
LISTEN, LET ME EXPLAIN SOMETHING

OH.
LISTEN, LET ME EXPLAIN SOMETHING
TO YOU.

LISTEN, LET ME EXPLAIN SOMETHING
TO YOU.
THIS IS, UH, LIVE TV, WHICH I'M

TO YOU.
THIS IS, UH, LIVE TV, WHICH I'M
NOT REALLY USED TO, AND I'M...

THIS IS, UH, LIVE TV, WHICH I'M
NOT REALLY USED TO, AND I'M...
[LAUGHTER]

NOT REALLY USED TO, AND I'M...
[LAUGHTER]
UM... I'M SCARED RIGHT NOW.

[LAUGHTER]
UM... I'M SCARED RIGHT NOW.
[LAUGHTER]

UM... I'M SCARED RIGHT NOW.
[LAUGHTER]
I DON'T THINK THAT'S FUNNY.

[LAUGHTER]
I DON'T THINK THAT'S FUNNY.
[LAUGHTER]

I DON'T THINK THAT'S FUNNY.
[LAUGHTER]
NO, I REALLY DON'T.

[LAUGHTER]
NO, I REALLY DON'T.
AND I KNOW, LIKE, I-I...

NO, I REALLY DON'T.
AND I KNOW, LIKE, I-I...
REALLY, HONESTLY, I AM SCARED.

AND I KNOW, LIKE, I-I...
REALLY, HONESTLY, I AM SCARED.
I MEAN, I THINK YOU'D BE SCARED

REALLY, HONESTLY, I AM SCARED.
I MEAN, I THINK YOU'D BE SCARED
IF YOU WERE STANDING UP HERE.

I MEAN, I THINK YOU'D BE SCARED
IF YOU WERE STANDING UP HERE.
AND I'M A LITTLE SCARED, AND I

IF YOU WERE STANDING UP HERE.
AND I'M A LITTLE SCARED, AND I
KNOW YOU'RE PROBABLY A LITTLE

AND I'M A LITTLE SCARED, AND I
KNOW YOU'RE PROBABLY A LITTLE
SACRED FOR ME RIGHT NOW.

KNOW YOU'RE PROBABLY A LITTLE
SACRED FOR ME RIGHT NOW.
I MEAN, I-I...

SACRED FOR ME RIGHT NOW.
I MEAN, I-I...
OH.

I MEAN, I-I...
OH.
[LAUGHTER]

OH.
[LAUGHTER]
UH, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

[LAUGHTER]
UH, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
THEY, UM... THEY DID TELL ME THAT

UH, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
THEY, UM... THEY DID TELL ME THAT
THIS MIGHT HAPPEN, AND, UM...

THEY, UM... THEY DID TELL ME THAT
THIS MIGHT HAPPEN, AND, UM...
THEY SAID THAT WHEN...

THIS MIGHT HAPPEN, AND, UM...
THEY SAID THAT WHEN...
THIS KIND OF THING HAPPENS THAT

THEY SAID THAT WHEN...
THIS KIND OF THING HAPPENS THAT
IT WILL ALL COME...

THIS KIND OF THING HAPPENS THAT
IT WILL ALL COME...
IT WILL ALL COME TOGETHER, YOU

IT WILL ALL COME...
IT WILL ALL COME TOGETHER, YOU
KNOW?

IT WILL ALL COME TOGETHER, YOU
KNOW?
[LAUGHTER]

LOUISE!
LOUISE, WE'RE ON THE AIR.
THANK YOU, SIR.

LOUISE, WE'RE ON THE AIR.
THANK YOU, SIR.
OH, MY GOD.

THANK YOU, SIR.
OH, MY GOD.
[LAUGHTER]

OH, MY GOD.
[LAUGHTER]
[SOBS]

[LAUGHTER]
[SOBS]
LOUISE, WHAT'S THE MATTER?

[SOBS]
LOUISE, WHAT'S THE MATTER?
[Voice breaking] NOTHING.

LOUISE, WHAT'S THE MATTER?
[Voice breaking] NOTHING.
I'M JUST GONNA BE IN THE ROOM.

[Voice breaking] NOTHING.
I'M JUST GONNA BE IN THE ROOM.
[APPLAUSE]

I'M JUST GONNA BE IN THE ROOM.
[APPLAUSE]
LOUISE!

[APPLAUSE]
LOUISE!
LOUISE, IT'S ME... GILDA.

LOUISE!
LOUISE, IT'S ME... GILDA.
GILDA, WHAT AM I GONNA DO?

LOUISE, IT'S ME... GILDA.
GILDA, WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
I MESSED UP THE WHOLE SHOW!

GILDA, WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
I MESSED UP THE WHOLE SHOW!
WHAT AM I GONNA DO?

I MESSED UP THE WHOLE SHOW!
WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
I COULDN'T HELP IT!

WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
I COULDN'T HELP IT!
NO, YOU DIDN'T... YOU DIDN'T

I COULDN'T HELP IT!
NO, YOU DIDN'T... YOU DIDN'T
MESS IT UP.

NO, YOU DIDN'T... YOU DIDN'T
MESS IT UP.
I DID MESS IT UP, AND I JUST

MESS IT UP.
I DID MESS IT UP, AND I JUST
CAN'T DO IT RIGHT!

I DID MESS IT UP, AND I JUST
CAN'T DO IT RIGHT!
NO, WE'LL HELP YOU, YOU KNOW?

CAN'T DO IT RIGHT!
NO, WE'LL HELP YOU, YOU KNOW?
WE'VE DONE A WHOLE BUNCH OF

NO, WE'LL HELP YOU, YOU KNOW?
WE'VE DONE A WHOLE BUNCH OF
SHOWS.

WE'VE DONE A WHOLE BUNCH OF
SHOWS.
WE CAN HELP.

SHOWS.
WE CAN HELP.
WHAT... WHAT'S THE MATTER?

WE CAN HELP.
WHAT... WHAT'S THE MATTER?
YOU HAVE CRAMPS?

WHAT... WHAT'S THE MATTER?
YOU HAVE CRAMPS?
WE'LL HELP YOU, LOUISE.

YOU HAVE CRAMPS?
WE'LL HELP YOU, LOUISE.
WHAT...

WE'LL HELP YOU, LOUISE.
WHAT...
JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.

WHAT...
JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.
IF YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE FOR A

JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.
IF YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE FOR A
FEW MINUTES, I THINK I'LL BE

IF YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE FOR A
FEW MINUTES, I THINK I'LL BE
FINE, AND I'LL BE OUT, OKAY?

FEW MINUTES, I THINK I'LL BE
FINE, AND I'LL BE OUT, OKAY?
MISS LASSER?

FINE, AND I'LL BE OUT, OKAY?
MISS LASSER?
LOUIE P. STYLO... PROBATION

MISS LASSER?
LOUIE P. STYLO... PROBATION
OFFICER, COUNTY OF LOS ANGELES,

LOUIE P. STYLO... PROBATION
OFFICER, COUNTY OF LOS ANGELES,
STATE OF CALIFORNIA.

OFFICER, COUNTY OF LOS ANGELES,
STATE OF CALIFORNIA.
YOU DIDN'T SIGN THE PROPER

STATE OF CALIFORNIA.
YOU DIDN'T SIGN THE PROPER
PAPERS TO LEAVE LOS ANGELES,

YOU DIDN'T SIGN THE PROPER
PAPERS TO LEAVE LOS ANGELES,
LOUISE, AND YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO

PAPERS TO LEAVE LOS ANGELES,
LOUISE, AND YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO
COME OUT AND DO IT, OKAY?

LOUISE, AND YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO
COME OUT AND DO IT, OKAY?
THAT WOULD CLEAR IT UP, AND THEN

COME OUT AND DO IT, OKAY?
THAT WOULD CLEAR IT UP, AND THEN
YOU CAN GO ON WITH THE SHOW AND

THAT WOULD CLEAR IT UP, AND THEN
YOU CAN GO ON WITH THE SHOW AND
EVERYTHING.

YOU CAN GO ON WITH THE SHOW AND
EVERYTHING.
DAN, COULD YOU STOP IT?

EVERYTHING.
DAN, COULD YOU STOP IT?
I KNOW YOUR VOICE.

DAN, COULD YOU STOP IT?
I KNOW YOUR VOICE.
LOUISE, I CAN GIVE YOU

I KNOW YOUR VOICE.
LOUISE, I CAN GIVE YOU
AUTOMOTIVE PARTS!

LOUISE, I CAN GIVE YOU
AUTOMOTIVE PARTS!
I HAVE TIRES.

AUTOMOTIVE PARTS!
I HAVE TIRES.
I HAVE ALL KINDS OF THINGS AT

I HAVE TIRES.
I HAVE ALL KINDS OF THINGS AT
BARGAIN PRICES.

I HAVE ALL KINDS OF THINGS AT
BARGAIN PRICES.
DAN, THIS IS NOT FUNNY!

BARGAIN PRICES.
DAN, THIS IS NOT FUNNY!
THIS IS VERY DANGEROUS FOR ME AT

DAN, THIS IS NOT FUNNY!
THIS IS VERY DANGEROUS FOR ME AT
THIS MOMENT IN TIME, OKAY?

THIS IS VERY DANGEROUS FOR ME AT
THIS MOMENT IN TIME, OKAY?
ALL RIGHT, SHE'S NOT GONNA

THIS MOMENT IN TIME, OKAY?
ALL RIGHT, SHE'S NOT GONNA
COME OUT OF THERE.

ALL RIGHT, SHE'S NOT GONNA
COME OUT OF THERE.
HEY, I'M GONNA HAVE TO GO IN

COME OUT OF THERE.
HEY, I'M GONNA HAVE TO GO IN
THROUGH THE ROOF.

HEY, I'M GONNA HAVE TO GO IN
THROUGH THE ROOF.
[THEME FROM "JAWS" PLAYS]

WHO IS IT?
MRS. BOW... BA... LA...
MRS. LA... LASSER?

MRS. BOW... BA... LA...
MRS. LA... LASSER?
WHAT?

MRS. LA... LASSER?
WHAT?
TELEGRAM.

WHAT?
TELEGRAM.
FROM WHOM?

TELEGRAM.
FROM WHOM?
[CLEARS THROAT]

FROM WHOM?
[CLEARS THROAT]
CAN... CANDYGRAM, MA'AM.

[CLEARS THROAT]
CAN... CANDYGRAM, MA'AM.
WHO IS THIS?

CAN... CANDYGRAM, MA'AM.
WHO IS THIS?
HALF A GRAM.

WHO IS THIS?
HALF A GRAM.
WHAT?

HALF A GRAM.
WHAT?
UM... BRAID-MAKER, MA'AM.

WHAT?
UM... BRAID-MAKER, MA'AM.
I'M HERE TO DO YOUR BRAIDS.

UM... BRAID-MAKER, MA'AM.
I'M HERE TO DO YOUR BRAIDS.
I REALLY DON'T NEED ANY

I'M HERE TO DO YOUR BRAIDS.
I REALLY DON'T NEED ANY
BRAIDS.

I REALLY DON'T NEED ANY
BRAIDS.
COULD YOU PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE?

BRAIDS.
COULD YOU PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE?
I JUST NEED TO REST FOR A FEW

COULD YOU PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE?
I JUST NEED TO REST FOR A FEW
MINUTES.

I JUST NEED TO REST FOR A FEW
MINUTES.
THAT'S ALL.

MINUTES.
THAT'S ALL.
COVER OF TIME MAGAZINE.

THAT'S ALL.
COVER OF TIME MAGAZINE.
WHAT?

COVER OF TIME MAGAZINE.
WHAT?
COVER OF TIME.

WHAT?
COVER OF TIME.
I'LL BE RIGHT OUT.

DID SOMEONE SAY THE COVER OF
TIME?
YEAH.

TIME?
YEAH.
WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET

YEAH.
WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET
THE COVER OF TIME?

WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET
THE COVER OF TIME?
UH... READ THIS.

THE COVER OF TIME?
UH... READ THIS.
"WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK."

UH... READ THIS.
"WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK."
THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE TO DO TO GET

"WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK."
THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE TO DO TO GET
THE COVER OF TIME?

YOU KNOW, IT'S TOO BAD THAT

VENEREAL DISEASE DOESN'T JUST

STRIKE JEWS.

BUT THE UNFORTUNATE FACT IS THAT

ANYONE CAN GET IT, EVEN NICE

PEOPLE LIKE YOU AND ME.

HI, I'M GENERAL IDI "V.D." AMIN,
AND I'M HERE TO TALK TO YOU
ABOUT THE WARNING SIGNS OF

AND I'M HERE TO TALK TO YOU
ABOUT THE WARNING SIGNS OF
SYPHILIS.

ABOUT THE WARNING SIGNS OF
SYPHILIS.
"A"... THE TEMPORARY APPEARANCE

SYPHILIS.
"A"... THE TEMPORARY APPEARANCE
AND SUBSEQUENT DISAPPEARANCE OF

"A"... THE TEMPORARY APPEARANCE
AND SUBSEQUENT DISAPPEARANCE OF
CHANCRE SORES ON YOUR

AND SUBSEQUENT DISAPPEARANCE OF
CHANCRE SORES ON YOUR
FALOOMBWEHBWEH.

CHANCRE SORES ON YOUR
FALOOMBWEHBWEH.
"B"... BLINDNESS AND/OR

FALOOMBWEHBWEH.
"B"... BLINDNESS AND/OR
INSANITY.

"B"... BLINDNESS AND/OR
INSANITY.
"C"... THE TEMPORARY APPEARANCE

INSANITY.
"C"... THE TEMPORARY APPEARANCE
AND SUBSEQUENT DISAPPEARANCE OF

"C"... THE TEMPORARY APPEARANCE
AND SUBSEQUENT DISAPPEARANCE OF
TWO LOW-FLYING CARGO PLANES AND

AND SUBSEQUENT DISAPPEARANCE OF
TWO LOW-FLYING CARGO PLANES AND
TWO BOEING 707 JETS FILLED WITH

TWO LOW-FLYING CARGO PLANES AND
TWO BOEING 707 JETS FILLED WITH
ISRAELI COMMANDOS ON YOUR

TWO BOEING 707 JETS FILLED WITH
ISRAELI COMMANDOS ON YOUR
ENTEBBE...

ISRAELI COMMANDOS ON YOUR
ENTEBBE...
AND A VOICE FROM THE TOWER

ENTEBBE...
AND A VOICE FROM THE TOWER
SINGING THE "HAVA NAGILA."

AND A VOICE FROM THE TOWER
SINGING THE "HAVA NAGILA."
"D"... SHRINKAGE OF YOUR

SINGING THE "HAVA NAGILA."
"D"... SHRINKAGE OF YOUR
FALOOMBWEHBWEH DOWN TO THE SIZE

"D"... SHRINKAGE OF YOUR
FALOOMBWEHBWEH DOWN TO THE SIZE
OF A FLASHLIGHT.

FALOOMBWEHBWEH DOWN TO THE SIZE
OF A FLASHLIGHT.
NOW, IF YOU HAVE ANY OF THESE

OF A FLASHLIGHT.
NOW, IF YOU HAVE ANY OF THESE
WARNING SIGNS, DON'T NEGLECT

NOW, IF YOU HAVE ANY OF THESE
WARNING SIGNS, DON'T NEGLECT
THEM.

WARNING SIGNS, DON'T NEGLECT
THEM.
I WAS LUCKY.

THEM.
I WAS LUCKY.
FORTUNATELY, IN MY CASE, THE

I WAS LUCKY.
FORTUNATELY, IN MY CASE, THE
DISEASE HAS ONLY EATEN AWAY THE

FORTUNATELY, IN MY CASE, THE
DISEASE HAS ONLY EATEN AWAY THE
WEAK PARTS OF MY BRAIN, LEAVING

DISEASE HAS ONLY EATEN AWAY THE
WEAK PARTS OF MY BRAIN, LEAVING
THE STRONG PARTS TO DECLARE WAR

WEAK PARTS OF MY BRAIN, LEAVING
THE STRONG PARTS TO DECLARE WAR
ON KENYA.

THE STRONG PARTS TO DECLARE WAR
ON KENYA.
NOW, HERE IS A NORMAL BRAIN.

ON KENYA.
NOW, HERE IS A NORMAL BRAIN.
AND...

NOW, HERE IS A NORMAL BRAIN.
AND...
UH, EXCUSE ME.

AND...
UH, EXCUSE ME.
MY BRAIN.

UH, EXCUSE ME.
MY BRAIN.
NOW, I WAS LUCKY.

MY BRAIN.
NOW, I WAS LUCKY.
YOU MAY NOT BE SO LUCKY, SO TAKE

NOW, I WAS LUCKY.
YOU MAY NOT BE SO LUCKY, SO TAKE
IT FROM ME, IDI "V.D." AMIN, AND

YOU MAY NOT BE SO LUCKY, SO TAKE
IT FROM ME, IDI "V.D." AMIN, AND
GET YOURSELF CHECKED RIGHT AWAY.

IT FROM ME, IDI "V.D." AMIN, AND
GET YOURSELF CHECKED RIGHT AWAY.
I WISH SOMEONE HAD WARNED ME.

[CLOCK TICKING]

[SPEAKING SWEDISH]

[DOOR CLOSES]

[SPEAKING SWEDISH]

[TICKING CONTINUES]
COULD YOU GO OUT AND PICK IT
UP FOR US?

COULD YOU GO OUT AND PICK IT
UP FOR US?
YOU WANT THE KEYS TO THE

UP FOR US?
YOU WANT THE KEYS TO THE
VOLVO?

YOU WANT THE KEYS TO THE
VOLVO?
I GOT THEM RIGHT HERE.

VOLVO?
I GOT THEM RIGHT HERE.
[SPEAKING SWEDISH]

I GOT THEM RIGHT HERE.
[SPEAKING SWEDISH]
[DOOR CLOSES]

[SPEAKING SWEDISH]
[DOOR CLOSES]
[CONTINUES SPEAKING SWEDISH]

[DOOR CLOSES]
[CONTINUES SPEAKING SWEDISH]
[ENGINE TURNS OVER]

[CONTINUES SPEAKING SWEDISH]
[ENGINE TURNS OVER]
[VEHICLE DEPARTS]

Announcer: AND NOW HERE'S
SQUEAKY FROMME FOR HUMAN-HAIR
POTHOLDERS.

SQUEAKY FROMME FOR HUMAN-HAIR
POTHOLDERS.
UH... HI, I'M SANDRA GOOD,

POTHOLDERS.
UH... HI, I'M SANDRA GOOD,
AND WE MAKE THESE LOVELY

UH... HI, I'M SANDRA GOOD,
AND WE MAKE THESE LOVELY
POTHOLDERS FROM OUR OWN HAIR.

AND WE MAKE THESE LOVELY
POTHOLDERS FROM OUR OWN HAIR.
IT TAKES WEEKS AND WEEKS, BUT WE

POTHOLDERS FROM OUR OWN HAIR.
IT TAKES WEEKS AND WEEKS, BUT WE
DON'T CARE.

IT TAKES WEEKS AND WEEKS, BUT WE
DON'T CARE.
DO WE, SQUEAKY?

DON'T CARE.
DO WE, SQUEAKY?
[WHOOSHING]

DO WE, SQUEAKY?
[WHOOSHING]
AND, UH, IF WE MAKE A

[WHOOSHING]
AND, UH, IF WE MAKE A
MISTAKE... EVEN A TEENY, TEENY,

AND, UH, IF WE MAKE A
MISTAKE... EVEN A TEENY, TEENY,
TINY MISTAKE THAT YOU'D NEVER

MISTAKE... EVEN A TEENY, TEENY,
TINY MISTAKE THAT YOU'D NEVER
NOTICE IN A MILLION YEARS... WE

TINY MISTAKE THAT YOU'D NEVER
NOTICE IN A MILLION YEARS... WE
START ALL OVER AGAIN, AND THEN

NOTICE IN A MILLION YEARS... WE
START ALL OVER AGAIN, AND THEN
WE PUNISH OURSELVES... SEVERELY.

START ALL OVER AGAIN, AND THEN
WE PUNISH OURSELVES... SEVERELY.
NOT NOW, SQUEAKY, HONEY.

WE PUNISH OURSELVES... SEVERELY.
NOT NOW, SQUEAKY, HONEY.
AFTER THE MISTAKE. AFTER.

NOT NOW, SQUEAKY, HONEY.
AFTER THE MISTAKE. AFTER.
AFTER.

AFTER THE MISTAKE. AFTER.
AFTER.
AND WRITTEN INTO EVERY POTHOLDER

AFTER.
AND WRITTEN INTO EVERY POTHOLDER
IS A SECRET MESSAGE TO CHARLIE

AND WRITTEN INTO EVERY POTHOLDER
IS A SECRET MESSAGE TO CHARLIE
HIMSELF, SUCH AS THIS ONE THAT

IS A SECRET MESSAGE TO CHARLIE
HIMSELF, SUCH AS THIS ONE THAT
SAYS, "DON'T DRINK THE WATER.

HIMSELF, SUCH AS THIS ONE THAT
SAYS, "DON'T DRINK THE WATER.
IT'S POZO-NED... POE-ZON-ED..."

SAYS, "DON'T DRINK THE WATER.
IT'S POZO-NED... POE-ZON-ED..."
[GASPING]

IT'S POZO-NED... POE-ZON-ED..."
[GASPING]
"POSONED."

[GASPING]
"POSONED."
[GASPING]

"POSONED."
[GASPING]
A MISTAKE.

[GASPING]
A MISTAKE.
A MISTAKE, YOU STUPID MORON.

A MISTAKE.
A MISTAKE, YOU STUPID MORON.
AAH!

A MISTAKE, YOU STUPID MORON.
AAH!
AAH!

AAH!
AAH!
UNH!

AAH!
UNH!
HUMAN-HAIR POTHOLDERS, ONLY

UNH!
HUMAN-HAIR POTHOLDERS, ONLY
$30 EACH... SO CHEAP YOU CAN'T

HUMAN-HAIR POTHOLDERS, ONLY
$30 EACH... SO CHEAP YOU CAN'T
AFFORD NOT TO OWN ONE, BUT ACT

$30 EACH... SO CHEAP YOU CAN'T
AFFORD NOT TO OWN ONE, BUT ACT
TODAY BECAUSE SUPPLY IS LIMITED.

AFFORD NOT TO OWN ONE, BUT ACT
TODAY BECAUSE SUPPLY IS LIMITED.
SQUEAKY, HONEY, IT'S TIME.

TODAY BECAUSE SUPPLY IS LIMITED.
SQUEAKY, HONEY, IT'S TIME.
HUMAN-HAIR POTHOLDERS, BUT ACT

SQUEAKY, HONEY, IT'S TIME.
HUMAN-HAIR POTHOLDERS, BUT ACT
TODAY BECAUSE SUPPLY IS LIMITED.

SEND $30 AND YOUR NAME AND

ADDRESS TO SACRAMENTO STATE

PRISON, SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA.

AND THAT ZIP CODE IS 94113.

YOU BETTER BUY THEM, YOU

LITTLE PIGGIES.

I'M NOT KIDDING.

LOOK, ONE OF US HAS GOT TO
BREAK THE SILENCE, YOU KNOW?
[DOG PANTING]

BREAK THE SILENCE, YOU KNOW?
[DOG PANTING]
LOOK, I KNOW YOU'RE ANXIOUS

[DOG PANTING]
LOOK, I KNOW YOU'RE ANXIOUS
ABOUT IT, AND ONE OF US HAS GOT

LOOK, I KNOW YOU'RE ANXIOUS
ABOUT IT, AND ONE OF US HAS GOT
TO TALK ABOUT IT.

ABOUT IT, AND ONE OF US HAS GOT
TO TALK ABOUT IT.
THAT'S ALL.

TO TALK ABOUT IT.
THAT'S ALL.
I MEAN, IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY.

THAT'S ALL.
I MEAN, IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY.
YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY.

I MEAN, IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY.
YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL TALK.

YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL TALK.
I KNOW! I KNOW WHAT I DID.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL TALK.
I KNOW! I KNOW WHAT I DID.
I KNOW IT WAS ME.

I KNOW! I KNOW WHAT I DID.
I KNOW IT WAS ME.
IT WAS THE SUNDAY INCIDENT.

I KNOW IT WAS ME.
IT WAS THE SUNDAY INCIDENT.
I KNOW IT WAS THE BEACH THING.

IT WAS THE SUNDAY INCIDENT.
I KNOW IT WAS THE BEACH THING.
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT IT.

I KNOW IT WAS THE BEACH THING.
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT IT.
YOU KNOW ME!

I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT IT.
YOU KNOW ME!
I'M ON THE BEACH. IT'S HOT.

YOU KNOW ME!
I'M ON THE BEACH. IT'S HOT.
ONE PLANTER'S PUNCH, I'LL DO

I'M ON THE BEACH. IT'S HOT.
ONE PLANTER'S PUNCH, I'LL DO
ANYTHING.

ONE PLANTER'S PUNCH, I'LL DO
ANYTHING.
I'M SORRY!

ANYTHING.
I'M SORRY!
I DON'T KNOW HOW IT GOT THERE,

I'M SORRY!
I DON'T KNOW HOW IT GOT THERE,
BUT I DID HAVE A STICK IN MY

I DON'T KNOW HOW IT GOT THERE,
BUT I DID HAVE A STICK IN MY
HAND.

BUT I DID HAVE A STICK IN MY
HAND.
I DID HAVE A STICK IN MY HAND,

HAND.
I DID HAVE A STICK IN MY HAND,
AND I DID THROW IT.

I DID HAVE A STICK IN MY HAND,
AND I DID THROW IT.
I'M SORRY.

AND I DID THROW IT.
I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO EMBARRASS YOU.

I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO EMBARRASS YOU.
I MEAN, I DON'T USUALLY DO STUFF

I DIDN'T MEAN TO EMBARRASS YOU.
I MEAN, I DON'T USUALLY DO STUFF
LIKE THAT.

I MEAN, I DON'T USUALLY DO STUFF
LIKE THAT.
DON'T LOOK AWAY LIKE THAT.

LIKE THAT.
DON'T LOOK AWAY LIKE THAT.
DON'T PRETEND LIKE YOU'RE NOT

DON'T LOOK AWAY LIKE THAT.
DON'T PRETEND LIKE YOU'RE NOT
HEARING ME.

DON'T PRETEND LIKE YOU'RE NOT
HEARING ME.
I MEAN, THE ONLY BAD THING ABOUT

HEARING ME.
I MEAN, THE ONLY BAD THING ABOUT
IT IS THAT I DID IT IN FRONT OF

I MEAN, THE ONLY BAD THING ABOUT
IT IS THAT I DID IT IN FRONT OF
BILLY AND SUSAN.

IT IS THAT I DID IT IN FRONT OF
BILLY AND SUSAN.
THAT'S WHAT'S BAD.

BILLY AND SUSAN.
THAT'S WHAT'S BAD.
I MEAN, I KNOW.

THAT'S WHAT'S BAD.
I MEAN, I KNOW.
YOU BUILT UP THE TRUST IN ME,

I MEAN, I KNOW.
YOU BUILT UP THE TRUST IN ME,
AND I BROKE IT.

YOU BUILT UP THE TRUST IN ME,
AND I BROKE IT.
YOU THIRSTY?

AND I BROKE IT.
YOU THIRSTY?
YOU WANT A LITTLE TEA? HUH?

YOU THIRSTY?
YOU WANT A LITTLE TEA? HUH?
THAT WAS THE ONLY BAD THING.

YOU WANT A LITTLE TEA? HUH?
THAT WAS THE ONLY BAD THING.
I MEAN, OKAY, AND I WILL ADMIT I

THAT WAS THE ONLY BAD THING.
I MEAN, OKAY, AND I WILL ADMIT I
DID SHOUT, "FETCH," OKAY?

I MEAN, OKAY, AND I WILL ADMIT I
DID SHOUT, "FETCH," OKAY?
IN FACT, I SHOUTED, "FETCH,

DID SHOUT, "FETCH," OKAY?
IN FACT, I SHOUTED, "FETCH,
FETCH."

IN FACT, I SHOUTED, "FETCH,
FETCH."
THAT'S WHAT I SHOUTED, BUT YOU

FETCH."
THAT'S WHAT I SHOUTED, BUT YOU
FETCHED.

THAT'S WHAT I SHOUTED, BUT YOU
FETCHED.
I MEAN, THE OTHERS DIDN'T FETCH.

FETCHED.
I MEAN, THE OTHERS DIDN'T FETCH.
BILLY AND SUSAN WERE THERE.

I MEAN, THE OTHERS DIDN'T FETCH.
BILLY AND SUSAN WERE THERE.
BILLY DIDN'T FETCH.

BILLY AND SUSAN WERE THERE.
BILLY DIDN'T FETCH.
SUSAN DIDN'T FETCH.

BILLY DIDN'T FETCH.
SUSAN DIDN'T FETCH.
YOU KNOW, YOU HEAR, "FETCH,

SUSAN DIDN'T FETCH.
YOU KNOW, YOU HEAR, "FETCH,
FETCH..."

YOU KNOW, YOU HEAR, "FETCH,
FETCH..."
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

FETCH..."
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
YOU KNOW, I REALLY THINK YOU'RE

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
YOU KNOW, I REALLY THINK YOU'RE
HAVING AN OVERREACTION TO THIS

YOU KNOW, I REALLY THINK YOU'RE
HAVING AN OVERREACTION TO THIS
WHOLE THING.

HAVING AN OVERREACTION TO THIS
WHOLE THING.
I REALLY DO.

WHOLE THING.
I REALLY DO.
I MEAN, I-I MEAN... I-I MEAN, I

I REALLY DO.
I MEAN, I-I MEAN... I-I MEAN, I
DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU.

I MEAN, I-I MEAN... I-I MEAN, I
DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU.
I'M DEEPLY SORRY ABOUT THIS

DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU.
I'M DEEPLY SORRY ABOUT THIS
WHOLE THING.

I'M DEEPLY SORRY ABOUT THIS
WHOLE THING.
I AM TRULY, DEEPLY SORRY.

WHOLE THING.
I AM TRULY, DEEPLY SORRY.
I WANT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.

I AM TRULY, DEEPLY SORRY.
I WANT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.
THERE ARE CERTAIN THINGS THAT I

I WANT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.
THERE ARE CERTAIN THINGS THAT I
HAVE NEVER MENTIONED TO YOU THAT

THERE ARE CERTAIN THINGS THAT I
HAVE NEVER MENTIONED TO YOU THAT
I THINK WE SHOULD REALLY TALK

HAVE NEVER MENTIONED TO YOU THAT
I THINK WE SHOULD REALLY TALK
ABOUT.

I THINK WE SHOULD REALLY TALK
ABOUT.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M

ABOUT.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M
TALKING ABOUT, AND THAT'S WHY

I MEAN, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M
TALKING ABOUT, AND THAT'S WHY
YOU'RE BREATHING'S GETTING

TALKING ABOUT, AND THAT'S WHY
YOU'RE BREATHING'S GETTING
HEAVIER LIKE THIS, TOO.

YOU'RE BREATHING'S GETTING
HEAVIER LIKE THIS, TOO.
YOU REMEMBER THOSE FOUR DAYS

HEAVIER LIKE THIS, TOO.
YOU REMEMBER THOSE FOUR DAYS
THAT YOU DISAPPEARED?

YOU REMEMBER THOSE FOUR DAYS
THAT YOU DISAPPEARED?
I HAVE NEVER MENTIONED THOSE

THAT YOU DISAPPEARED?
I HAVE NEVER MENTIONED THOSE
FOUR DAYS THAT YOU DISAPPEARED,

I HAVE NEVER MENTIONED THOSE
FOUR DAYS THAT YOU DISAPPEARED,
FROM AUGUST 4 TO AUGUST 8, 1975.

FOUR DAYS THAT YOU DISAPPEARED,
FROM AUGUST 4 TO AUGUST 8, 1975.
NEVER MENTIONED IT!

FROM AUGUST 4 TO AUGUST 8, 1975.
NEVER MENTIONED IT!
YOU DISAPPEARED, YOU CAME BACK,

NEVER MENTIONED IT!
YOU DISAPPEARED, YOU CAME BACK,
I GAVE YOU YOUR TICK BATH, AND

YOU DISAPPEARED, YOU CAME BACK,
I GAVE YOU YOUR TICK BATH, AND
THAT WAS IT.

I GAVE YOU YOUR TICK BATH, AND
THAT WAS IT.
NEVER MENTIONED IT!

THAT WAS IT.
NEVER MENTIONED IT!
NOW, IF I CAN FORGET... LOOK AT

NEVER MENTIONED IT!
NOW, IF I CAN FORGET... LOOK AT
ME.

NOW, IF I CAN FORGET... LOOK AT
ME.
DON'T LOOK AT ME!

ME.
DON'T LOOK AT ME!
IF I CAN FORGET FOUR DAYS, YOU

DON'T LOOK AT ME!
IF I CAN FORGET FOUR DAYS, YOU
CAN FORGET AN IMPETUOUS "FETCH."

LOOK, I KNOW YOU DON'T WANT TO
SIT THERE.
IT'S VERY OBVIOUS.

SIT THERE.
IT'S VERY OBVIOUS.
I MEAN, IT'S VERY OBVIOUS THAT

IT'S VERY OBVIOUS.
I MEAN, IT'S VERY OBVIOUS THAT
YOU'D LIKE TO GET OFF AND GO

I MEAN, IT'S VERY OBVIOUS THAT
YOU'D LIKE TO GET OFF AND GO
ANYWHERE RIGHT NOW.

YOU'D LIKE TO GET OFF AND GO
ANYWHERE RIGHT NOW.
MAYBE YOU SHOULD DO THAT.

ANYWHERE RIGHT NOW.
MAYBE YOU SHOULD DO THAT.
MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST MAKE A

MAYBE YOU SHOULD DO THAT.
MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST MAKE A
CLEAN BREAK.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST MAKE A
CLEAN BREAK.
DON'T I... YOU SEE, WHEN YOU

CLEAN BREAK.
DON'T I... YOU SEE, WHEN YOU
LOOK, LIKE, TO THE SIDE, THEN, I

DON'T I... YOU SEE, WHEN YOU
LOOK, LIKE, TO THE SIDE, THEN, I
MEAN, IT'S A VERY UNCOMFORTABLE

LOOK, LIKE, TO THE SIDE, THEN, I
MEAN, IT'S A VERY UNCOMFORTABLE
FEELING, YOU KNOW?

MEAN, IT'S A VERY UNCOMFORTABLE
FEELING, YOU KNOW?
THAT'S BETTER.

FEELING, YOU KNOW?
THAT'S BETTER.
I MEAN... I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW.

THAT'S BETTER.
I MEAN... I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW.
IT'S A VERY UNCOMFORTABLE...

I MEAN... I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW.
IT'S A VERY UNCOMFORTABLE...
LET'S... MAYBE WE SHOULD MAKE A

IT'S A VERY UNCOMFORTABLE...
LET'S... MAYBE WE SHOULD MAKE A
CLEAN BREAK.

LET'S... MAYBE WE SHOULD MAKE A
CLEAN BREAK.
I MEAN, YOU'RE PULLING STUFF ON

CLEAN BREAK.
I MEAN, YOU'RE PULLING STUFF ON
ME NOW.

I MEAN, YOU'RE PULLING STUFF ON
ME NOW.
LIKE, THE OTHER DAY, YOU GOT AS

ME NOW.
LIKE, THE OTHER DAY, YOU GOT AS
FAR AS LEXINGTON AVENUE, AND YOU

LIKE, THE OTHER DAY, YOU GOT AS
FAR AS LEXINGTON AVENUE, AND YOU
CAME BACK!

FAR AS LEXINGTON AVENUE, AND YOU
CAME BACK!
DON'T DO IT THAT WAY.

CAME BACK!
DON'T DO IT THAT WAY.
IT'S LIKE A CLEAN BREAK, YOU

DON'T DO IT THAT WAY.
IT'S LIKE A CLEAN BREAK, YOU
KNOW?

IT'S LIKE A CLEAN BREAK, YOU
KNOW?
GET OUT!

KNOW?
GET OUT!
KNOCK, KNOCK.

GET OUT!
KNOCK, KNOCK.
I'M SORRY. I'M REALLY SORRY.

KNOCK, KNOCK.
I'M SORRY. I'M REALLY SORRY.
I WAS JUST TRYING TO LIGHTEN UP

I'M SORRY. I'M REALLY SORRY.
I WAS JUST TRYING TO LIGHTEN UP
THE MOMENT, AND I MADE THE WRONG

I WAS JUST TRYING TO LIGHTEN UP
THE MOMENT, AND I MADE THE WRONG
JOKE.

THE MOMENT, AND I MADE THE WRONG
JOKE.
I'M REALLY SORRY. OHH.

JOKE.
I'M REALLY SORRY. OHH.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS

I'M REALLY SORRY. OHH.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS
LIKE?

DON'T YOU REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS
LIKE?
I MEAN, WE WERE LIKE SCOTT AND

LIKE?
I MEAN, WE WERE LIKE SCOTT AND
ZELDA.

I MEAN, WE WERE LIKE SCOTT AND
ZELDA.
I MEAN, YOU USED TO... DON'T YOU

ZELDA.
I MEAN, YOU USED TO... DON'T YOU
REMEMBER?

I MEAN, YOU USED TO... DON'T YOU
REMEMBER?
I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU

REMEMBER?
I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU
DID, BUT YOU USED TO MAKE ME

I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU
DID, BUT YOU USED TO MAKE ME
FEEL LIKE ZELDA.

DID, BUT YOU USED TO MAKE ME
FEEL LIKE ZELDA.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER THOSE CRAZY

FEEL LIKE ZELDA.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER THOSE CRAZY
AFTERNOONS, RUNNING THROUGH THE

DON'T YOU REMEMBER THOSE CRAZY
AFTERNOONS, RUNNING THROUGH THE
PARK, THROWING THE BALL?

AFTERNOONS, RUNNING THROUGH THE
PARK, THROWING THE BALL?
GOD, THAT WAS FUN.

PARK, THROWING THE BALL?
GOD, THAT WAS FUN.
YOU DO REMEMBER, DON'T YOU?

GOD, THAT WAS FUN.
YOU DO REMEMBER, DON'T YOU?
GOT YOU FOR A SECOND, DIDN'T IT?

YOU DO REMEMBER, DON'T YOU?
GOT YOU FOR A SECOND, DIDN'T IT?
IT GOT TO YOU FOR A SECOND.

GOT YOU FOR A SECOND, DIDN'T IT?
IT GOT TO YOU FOR A SECOND.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER THAT?

IT GOT TO YOU FOR A SECOND.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER THAT?
WE'D TUNE THE BANJO AND LAUGH,

DON'T YOU REMEMBER THAT?
WE'D TUNE THE BANJO AND LAUGH,
OR, WELL, I'D TUNE THE BANJO,

WE'D TUNE THE BANJO AND LAUGH,
OR, WELL, I'D TUNE THE BANJO,
AND YOU'D LAUGH.

OR, WELL, I'D TUNE THE BANJO,
AND YOU'D LAUGH.
HEY, LISTEN. HEY, LISTEN.

AND YOU'D LAUGH.
HEY, LISTEN. HEY, LISTEN.
HEY, LISTEN.

HEY, LISTEN. HEY, LISTEN.
HEY, LISTEN.
I NEVER HAD A RELATIONSHIP LIKE

HEY, LISTEN.
I NEVER HAD A RELATIONSHIP LIKE
THIS.

I NEVER HAD A RELATIONSHIP LIKE
THIS.
I DON'T KNOW.

THIS.
I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE IT WAS THE WAY I WAS

I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE IT WAS THE WAY I WAS
BROUGHT UP OR SOMETHING, BUT...

MAYBE IT WAS THE WAY I WAS
BROUGHT UP OR SOMETHING, BUT...
YOU LOOK REAL NICE.

BROUGHT UP OR SOMETHING, BUT...
YOU LOOK REAL NICE.
YOU GOT TO BELIEVE ME ABOUT THE

YOU LOOK REAL NICE.
YOU GOT TO BELIEVE ME ABOUT THE
STICK STORY.

YOU GOT TO BELIEVE ME ABOUT THE
STICK STORY.
HEY, LISTEN.

STICK STORY.
HEY, LISTEN.
LET'S GO INTO THE LIVING ROOM.

HEY, LISTEN.
LET'S GO INTO THE LIVING ROOM.
COME ON.

LET'S GO INTO THE LIVING ROOM.
COME ON.
LET'S GO INTO THE LIVING ROOM

COME ON.
LET'S GO INTO THE LIVING ROOM
AND WATCH A LITTLE "KOJAK,"

LET'S GO INTO THE LIVING ROOM
AND WATCH A LITTLE "KOJAK,"
OKAY?

AND WATCH A LITTLE "KOJAK,"
OKAY?
COME ON. COME ON, COME ON.

OKAY?
COME ON. COME ON, COME ON.
COME ON, LET'S GO.

TELEVISION.
DYNAMIC, DELIGHTFUL, DANGEROUS.
YOUR PERSONAL TELEVISION SET...

DYNAMIC, DELIGHTFUL, DANGEROUS.
YOUR PERSONAL TELEVISION SET...
WATCH IT. LOVE IT. BELIEVE IT.

YOUR PERSONAL TELEVISION SET...
WATCH IT. LOVE IT. BELIEVE IT.
CHAIN IT TO YOUR CAR.

WATCH IT. LOVE IT. BELIEVE IT.
CHAIN IT TO YOUR CAR.
IT'S STILL A MODERN MIRACLE.

CHAIN IT TO YOUR CAR.
IT'S STILL A MODERN MIRACLE.
AS EARLY AS 1925, VIDEO

IT'S STILL A MODERN MIRACLE.
AS EARLY AS 1925, VIDEO
RESEARCHERS WERE SENDING AND

AS EARLY AS 1925, VIDEO
RESEARCHERS WERE SENDING AND
RECEIVING TELEVISION SIGNALS

RESEARCHERS WERE SENDING AND
RECEIVING TELEVISION SIGNALS
ACROSS THE ATLANTIC OCEAN.

RECEIVING TELEVISION SIGNALS
ACROSS THE ATLANTIC OCEAN.
IN 1928, MR. PHILO T. FARNSWORTH

ACROSS THE ATLANTIC OCEAN.
IN 1928, MR. PHILO T. FARNSWORTH
DEVELOPED THE CATHODE RAY AND

IN 1928, MR. PHILO T. FARNSWORTH
DEVELOPED THE CATHODE RAY AND
THE IMAGE DISSECTOR, DEVICES

DEVELOPED THE CATHODE RAY AND
THE IMAGE DISSECTOR, DEVICES
WHICH LED TO THE MODERN ELECTRON

THE IMAGE DISSECTOR, DEVICES
WHICH LED TO THE MODERN ELECTRON
GUN, WHICH LITERALLY SPRAYS

WHICH LED TO THE MODERN ELECTRON
GUN, WHICH LITERALLY SPRAYS
ELECTRICAL IMPULSES ACROSS A

GUN, WHICH LITERALLY SPRAYS
ELECTRICAL IMPULSES ACROSS A
PHOSPHORESCENT SCREEN TO BRING

ELECTRICAL IMPULSES ACROSS A
PHOSPHORESCENT SCREEN TO BRING
YOU HOURS AND HOURS OF SLEAZY

PHOSPHORESCENT SCREEN TO BRING
YOU HOURS AND HOURS OF SLEAZY
PROGRAMMING.

YOU HOURS AND HOURS OF SLEAZY
PROGRAMMING.
WE INVITE YOU NOW TO JOIN US IN

PROGRAMMING.
WE INVITE YOU NOW TO JOIN US IN
A SALUTE TO THOSE ORIGINAL VIDEO

WE INVITE YOU NOW TO JOIN US IN
A SALUTE TO THOSE ORIGINAL VIDEO
PIONEERS IN A TRIBUTE TO THE

A SALUTE TO THOSE ORIGINAL VIDEO
PIONEERS IN A TRIBUTE TO THE
HARDWARE OF TELEVISION.

PIONEERS IN A TRIBUTE TO THE
HARDWARE OF TELEVISION.
[BAND PLAYS]

♪ CATHODE RAY ♪
♪ THAT'S WHAT THEY CALL HIM ♪
♪ CATHODE RAY ♪

♪ THAT'S WHAT THEY CALL HIM ♪
♪ CATHODE RAY ♪
♪ AND I ONLY HOPE ♪

♪ CATHODE RAY ♪
♪ AND I ONLY HOPE ♪
♪ THAT HIS KINESCOPE ♪

♪ AND I ONLY HOPE ♪
♪ THAT HIS KINESCOPE ♪
♪ RECEIVES THE SIGNAL THAT I'M

♪ THAT HIS KINESCOPE ♪
♪ RECEIVES THE SIGNAL THAT I'M
SENDING ♪

♪ RECEIVES THE SIGNAL THAT I'M
SENDING ♪
♪ ELECTRON GUN ♪

SENDING ♪
♪ ELECTRON GUN ♪
♪ HE NEVER LET ME TOUCH ♪

♪ ELECTRON GUN ♪
♪ HE NEVER LET ME TOUCH ♪
♪ ELECTRON GUN ♪

♪ HE NEVER LET ME TOUCH ♪
♪ ELECTRON GUN ♪
♪ BUT WITH TIME, HE'LL FIND ♪

♪ ELECTRON GUN ♪
♪ BUT WITH TIME, HE'LL FIND ♪
♪ MY 600 LINES ♪

♪ BUT WITH TIME, HE'LL FIND ♪
♪ MY 600 LINES ♪
♪ CAN INDUCE ITS IONIC

♪ MY 600 LINES ♪
♪ CAN INDUCE ITS IONIC
EMISSION ♪

♪ CAN INDUCE ITS IONIC
EMISSION ♪
♪ IN THE LAB, WE BOTH TOOK OUR

EMISSION ♪
♪ IN THE LAB, WE BOTH TOOK OUR
RISKS ♪

♪ IN THE LAB, WE BOTH TOOK OUR
RISKS ♪
All: ♪ SYNCHRONIZING ♪

RISKS ♪
All: ♪ SYNCHRONIZING ♪
♪ SCANNING DISKS ♪

All: ♪ SYNCHRONIZING ♪
♪ SCANNING DISKS ♪
♪ ALL TO SOON, OUR LOVE WOULD

♪ SCANNING DISKS ♪
♪ ALL TO SOON, OUR LOVE WOULD
FADE ♪

♪ ALL TO SOON, OUR LOVE WOULD
FADE ♪
All: ♪ TV RESEARCH WAS THE

FADE ♪
All: ♪ TV RESEARCH WAS THE
CHOICE HE MADE ♪

All: ♪ TV RESEARCH WAS THE
CHOICE HE MADE ♪
♪ HE SPOKE ABOUT A SILENT ION

CHOICE HE MADE ♪
♪ HE SPOKE ABOUT A SILENT ION
BEAM ♪

♪ HE SPOKE ABOUT A SILENT ION
BEAM ♪
♪ SHATTERING MY VIDEO DREAM ♪

BEAM ♪
♪ SHATTERING MY VIDEO DREAM ♪
♪ OHH! ♪

♪ SHATTERING MY VIDEO DREAM ♪
♪ OHH! ♪
♪ WITH HIS LOVE ♪

♪ OHH! ♪
♪ WITH HIS LOVE ♪
♪ WITH HIS LOVE ♪

♪ WITH HIS LOVE ♪
♪ WITH HIS LOVE ♪
♪ WITH HIS LOVE ♪

♪ WITH HIS LOVE ♪
♪ WITH HIS LOVE ♪
♪ WITH HIS LOVE ♪

♪ WITH HIS LOVE ♪
♪ WITH HIS LOVE ♪
♪ FOR FARNSWORTH'S IMAGE

♪ WITH HIS LOVE ♪
♪ FOR FARNSWORTH'S IMAGE
DISSECTOR ♪

♪ FOR FARNSWORTH'S IMAGE
DISSECTOR ♪
♪ CAN'T BELIEVE THAT MY LOVE

DISSECTOR ♪
♪ CAN'T BELIEVE THAT MY LOVE
HE'D REJECT FOR ♪

♪ CAN'T BELIEVE THAT MY LOVE
HE'D REJECT FOR ♪
All: ♪ FARNSWORTH'S IMAGE

HE'D REJECT FOR ♪
All: ♪ FARNSWORTH'S IMAGE
DISSECTOR ♪

All: ♪ FARNSWORTH'S IMAGE
DISSECTOR ♪
♪ OOH, HOO, OOH ♪

♪ VACUUM TUBE ♪
♪ I FEEL AS EMPTY AS A ♪
♪ VACUUM TUBE ♪

♪ I FEEL AS EMPTY AS A ♪
♪ VACUUM TUBE ♪
♪ BUT IT'S, OH, SO PLAIN THAT

♪ VACUUM TUBE ♪
♪ BUT IT'S, OH, SO PLAIN THAT
HIS FREQUENCY GAIN ♪

♪ BUT IT'S, OH, SO PLAIN THAT
HIS FREQUENCY GAIN ♪
♪ WOULD INCREASE IF IT PASSED

HIS FREQUENCY GAIN ♪
♪ WOULD INCREASE IF IT PASSED
THROUGH MY DIODE ♪

♪ WOULD INCREASE IF IT PASSED
THROUGH MY DIODE ♪
♪ WHY DOES TV AND NOT ME MAKE

THROUGH MY DIODE ♪
♪ WHY DOES TV AND NOT ME MAKE
HIM HOT? ♪

♪ WHY DOES TV AND NOT ME MAKE
HIM HOT? ♪
♪ OH ♪

HIM HOT? ♪
♪ OH ♪
All: ♪ OUR LOVE WAS STRONG ♪

♪ OH ♪
All: ♪ OUR LOVE WAS STRONG ♪
♪ NOW HE'S GONE, SO GOODBYE ♪

All: ♪ OUR LOVE WAS STRONG ♪
♪ NOW HE'S GONE, SO GOODBYE ♪
♪ MY CATHODE RAY ♪

♪ NOW HE'S GONE, SO GOODBYE ♪
♪ MY CATHODE RAY ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Announcer: AND NOW
"WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH
CHEVY CHASE.

"WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH
CHEVY CHASE.
WELL, HONEY, THAT'S...

CHEVY CHASE.
WELL, HONEY, THAT'S...
Announcer: "WEEKEND UPDATE,"

WELL, HONEY, THAT'S...
Announcer: "WEEKEND UPDATE,"
THE OFFICIAL NEWS BROADCAST OF

Announcer: "WEEKEND UPDATE,"
THE OFFICIAL NEWS BROADCAST OF
THE 1976 OLYMPIC GAMES.

THE OFFICIAL NEWS BROADCAST OF
THE 1976 OLYMPIC GAMES.
A LOT OF MEN LIKE THAT...

THE 1976 OLYMPIC GAMES.
A LOT OF MEN LIKE THAT...
THAT TASTE.

A LOT OF MEN LIKE THAT...
THAT TASTE.
I-I, UH...

THAT TASTE.
I-I, UH...
THIS... I HAVE TO GO.

I-I, UH...
THIS... I HAVE TO GO.
GOOD EVENING.

THIS... I HAVE TO GO.
GOOD EVENING.
I'M CHEVY CHASE, AND, BOY, ARE

GOOD EVENING.
I'M CHEVY CHASE, AND, BOY, ARE
YOU GLAD TO SEE ME.

I'M CHEVY CHASE, AND, BOY, ARE
YOU GLAD TO SEE ME.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT,

YOU GLAD TO SEE ME.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT,
FIRST LADY BETTY FORD SAID

OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT,
FIRST LADY BETTY FORD SAID
YESTERDAY THAT SHE WOULDN'T BE

FIRST LADY BETTY FORD SAID
YESTERDAY THAT SHE WOULDN'T BE
SURPRISED IF HER DAUGHTER,

YESTERDAY THAT SHE WOULDN'T BE
SURPRISED IF HER DAUGHTER,
SUSAN, WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH

SURPRISED IF HER DAUGHTER,
SUSAN, WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH
AN UNCOMMITTED REPUBLICAN

SUSAN, WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH
AN UNCOMMITTED REPUBLICAN
DELEGATE.

AN UNCOMMITTED REPUBLICAN
DELEGATE.
GERALD FORD CELEBRATED HIS 63rd

DELEGATE.
GERALD FORD CELEBRATED HIS 63rd
BIRTHDAY LAST WEEK, RECALLING

GERALD FORD CELEBRATED HIS 63rd
BIRTHDAY LAST WEEK, RECALLING
HIS 18th BIRTHDAY 5 YEARS AGO BY

BIRTHDAY LAST WEEK, RECALLING
HIS 18th BIRTHDAY 5 YEARS AGO BY
REMARKING, "ONLY IN AMERICA CAN

HIS 18th BIRTHDAY 5 YEARS AGO BY
REMARKING, "ONLY IN AMERICA CAN
A SMALL-TOWN BOY FROM MICHIGAN

REMARKING, "ONLY IN AMERICA CAN
A SMALL-TOWN BOY FROM MICHIGAN
GROW UP."

A SMALL-TOWN BOY FROM MICHIGAN
GROW UP."
THE PRESIDENT IS SEEN HERE

GROW UP."
THE PRESIDENT IS SEEN HERE
WEARING A CORSAGE GIVEN TO HIM

THE PRESIDENT IS SEEN HERE
WEARING A CORSAGE GIVEN TO HIM
AT AN ARTIFICIAL-LIMB-MAKER'S

WEARING A CORSAGE GIVEN TO HIM
AT AN ARTIFICIAL-LIMB-MAKER'S
CONVENTION.

AT AN ARTIFICIAL-LIMB-MAKER'S
CONVENTION.
WHILE CAMPAIGNING IN FLORIDA,

CONVENTION.
WHILE CAMPAIGNING IN FLORIDA,
DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATE

WHILE CAMPAIGNING IN FLORIDA,
DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATE
JIMMY CARTER SAID TO NEWSMEN, "I

DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATE
JIMMY CARTER SAID TO NEWSMEN, "I
LOVE FLORIDA.

JIMMY CARTER SAID TO NEWSMEN, "I
LOVE FLORIDA.
THEY HAVE A LOT OF ORANGES

LOVE FLORIDA.
THEY HAVE A LOT OF ORANGES
THERE.

THEY HAVE A LOT OF ORANGES
THERE.
I LOVE ORANGES.

THERE.
I LOVE ORANGES.
WHEN I WAS A CHILD I USED TO

I LOVE ORANGES.
WHEN I WAS A CHILD I USED TO
SUCK THE JUICE OUT OF THEM."

WHEN I WAS A CHILD I USED TO
SUCK THE JUICE OUT OF THEM."
HE DEMONSTRATED THIS BY SUCKING

SUCK THE JUICE OUT OF THEM."
HE DEMONSTRATED THIS BY SUCKING
THE BLOOD FROM A FLORIDA WOMAN'S

HE DEMONSTRATED THIS BY SUCKING
THE BLOOD FROM A FLORIDA WOMAN'S
NECK.

THE BLOOD FROM A FLORIDA WOMAN'S
NECK.
EARLIER THIS WEEK, DEMOCRATIC

NECK.
EARLIER THIS WEEK, DEMOCRATIC
VICE-PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE

EARLIER THIS WEEK, DEMOCRATIC
VICE-PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE
WALTER F. MONDALE SAID HE DOES

VICE-PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE
WALTER F. MONDALE SAID HE DOES
NOT THINK GERALD FORD IS

WALTER F. MONDALE SAID HE DOES
NOT THINK GERALD FORD IS
INTELLIGENT ENOUGH TO BE A GOOD

NOT THINK GERALD FORD IS
INTELLIGENT ENOUGH TO BE A GOOD
PRESIDENT.

INTELLIGENT ENOUGH TO BE A GOOD
PRESIDENT.
AT A PRESS CONFERENCE, MR. FORD

PRESIDENT.
AT A PRESS CONFERENCE, MR. FORD
RETORTED THAT HE DOES NOT

AT A PRESS CONFERENCE, MR. FORD
RETORTED THAT HE DOES NOT
UNDERSTAND WHAT MR. MONDALE

RETORTED THAT HE DOES NOT
UNDERSTAND WHAT MR. MONDALE
MEANS.

UNDERSTAND WHAT MR. MONDALE
MEANS.
LATER, THE CHIEF EXECUTIVE SWAM

MEANS.
LATER, THE CHIEF EXECUTIVE SWAM
BRIEFLY ON THE WHITE HOUSE LAWN

LATER, THE CHIEF EXECUTIVE SWAM
BRIEFLY ON THE WHITE HOUSE LAWN
AND SIGNED HIS HAND FOR SOME

BRIEFLY ON THE WHITE HOUSE LAWN
AND SIGNED HIS HAND FOR SOME
OLYMPIC ATHLETES.

AND SIGNED HIS HAND FOR SOME
OLYMPIC ATHLETES.
OF COURSE, THE BIGGEST STORY OF

OLYMPIC ATHLETES.
OF COURSE, THE BIGGEST STORY OF
THE 1976 OLYMPICS CONTINUES TO

OF COURSE, THE BIGGEST STORY OF
THE 1976 OLYMPICS CONTINUES TO
BE NADIA COMANECI, THE ROMANIAN

THE 1976 OLYMPICS CONTINUES TO
BE NADIA COMANECI, THE ROMANIAN
GYMNAST WHO HAS CAPTURED THE

BE NADIA COMANECI, THE ROMANIAN
GYMNAST WHO HAS CAPTURED THE
HEARTS OF MILLIONS AS WELL AS

GYMNAST WHO HAS CAPTURED THE
HEARTS OF MILLIONS AS WELL AS
3 OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALS... OR 5 AT

HEARTS OF MILLIONS AS WELL AS
3 OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALS... OR 5 AT
THIS POINT, I BELIEVE.

3 OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALS... OR 5 AT
THIS POINT, I BELIEVE.
THE 14-YEAR-OLD PIXIE HAS

THIS POINT, I BELIEVE.
THE 14-YEAR-OLD PIXIE HAS
SURPRISED EVERYONE WITH HER

THE 14-YEAR-OLD PIXIE HAS
SURPRISED EVERYONE WITH HER
SUCCESS AND HAS REPLACED

SURPRISED EVERYONE WITH HER
SUCCESS AND HAS REPLACED
RUSSIA'S OLGA KORBUT, THE

SUCCESS AND HAS REPLACED
RUSSIA'S OLGA KORBUT, THE
DARLING OF THE LAST OLYMPIAD,

RUSSIA'S OLGA KORBUT, THE
DARLING OF THE LAST OLYMPIAD,
WHO WAS THE HEAVY FAVORITE TO

DARLING OF THE LAST OLYMPIAD,
WHO WAS THE HEAVY FAVORITE TO
REPEAT THAT THIS YEAR.

WHO WAS THE HEAVY FAVORITE TO
REPEAT THAT THIS YEAR.
"WEEKEND UPDATE" HAS AN

REPEAT THAT THIS YEAR.
"WEEKEND UPDATE" HAS AN
EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH

"WEEKEND UPDATE" HAS AN
EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH
MISS KORBUT NOW, LIVE FROM OUR

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH
MISS KORBUT NOW, LIVE FROM OUR
STUDIOS IN MONTREAL, ALONG WITH

MISS KORBUT NOW, LIVE FROM OUR
STUDIOS IN MONTREAL, ALONG WITH
OUR CORRESPONDENT JOHN BELUSHI.

CAN YOU HEAR ME, JOHN?
[Russian accent] YES, I DO,
CHEVY.

[Russian accent] YES, I DO,
CHEVY.
UH, GOOD.

CHEVY.
UH, GOOD.
COULD YOU PLEASE SAY HELLO TO

UH, GOOD.
COULD YOU PLEASE SAY HELLO TO
OLGA AND WELCOME HER TO

COULD YOU PLEASE SAY HELLO TO
OLGA AND WELCOME HER TO
"UPDATE"?

OLGA AND WELCOME HER TO
"UPDATE"?
AH. OLGA.

"UPDATE"?
AH. OLGA.
[IMITATING RUSSIAN]

AH. OLGA.
[IMITATING RUSSIAN]
[IMITATING RUSSIAN]

[IMITATING RUSSIAN]
[IMITATING RUSSIAN]
SHE SAYS SHE'S VERY HAPPY TO

[IMITATING RUSSIAN]
SHE SAYS SHE'S VERY HAPPY TO
BE HERE.

SHE SAYS SHE'S VERY HAPPY TO
BE HERE.
JOHN, WE KNOW THAT OLGA MUST

BE HERE.
JOHN, WE KNOW THAT OLGA MUST
BE TERRIBLY DISAPPOINTED AND

JOHN, WE KNOW THAT OLGA MUST
BE TERRIBLY DISAPPOINTED AND
CRUSHED BY NADIA'S SUCCESS.

BE TERRIBLY DISAPPOINTED AND
CRUSHED BY NADIA'S SUCCESS.
OLGA WAS THE FAVORITE TO WIN,

CRUSHED BY NADIA'S SUCCESS.
OLGA WAS THE FAVORITE TO WIN,
AND NOW, OUT OF NOWHERE, NADIA

OLGA WAS THE FAVORITE TO WIN,
AND NOW, OUT OF NOWHERE, NADIA
COMES ALONG, WINS THE MEDALS,

AND NOW, OUT OF NOWHERE, NADIA
COMES ALONG, WINS THE MEDALS,
BECOMES THE DARLING OF EVERYONE,

COMES ALONG, WINS THE MEDALS,
BECOMES THE DARLING OF EVERYONE,
AND OLGA IS LEFT ALONE... A

BECOMES THE DARLING OF EVERYONE,
AND OLGA IS LEFT ALONE... A
CRUSHED, FORGOTTEN, SADDENED

AND OLGA IS LEFT ALONE... A
CRUSHED, FORGOTTEN, SADDENED
FIGURE, A HAS-BEEN AT THE AGE

CRUSHED, FORGOTTEN, SADDENED
FIGURE, A HAS-BEEN AT THE AGE
OF 21.

FIGURE, A HAS-BEEN AT THE AGE
OF 21.
BUT IN THE TRUE OLYMPIC SPIRIT,

OF 21.
BUT IN THE TRUE OLYMPIC SPIRIT,
JOHN, COULD OLGA TELL US HOW SHE

BUT IN THE TRUE OLYMPIC SPIRIT,
JOHN, COULD OLGA TELL US HOW SHE
FEELS ABOUT THE SUCCESS OF THIS

JOHN, COULD OLGA TELL US HOW SHE
FEELS ABOUT THE SUCCESS OF THIS
WONDERFUL 14-YEAR-OLD NADIA?

FEELS ABOUT THE SUCCESS OF THIS
WONDERFUL 14-YEAR-OLD NADIA?
UH, OLGA.

WONDERFUL 14-YEAR-OLD NADIA?
UH, OLGA.
[IMITATING RUSSIAN]

[Russian accent] I WOULD
LIKE TO TAKE THAT BALANCE BEAM
AND STICK IT IN HER EYE.

LIKE TO TAKE THAT BALANCE BEAM
AND STICK IT IN HER EYE.
UH, SHE SAYS... SHE SAYS SHE

AND STICK IT IN HER EYE.
UH, SHE SAYS... SHE SAYS SHE
LIKES AND ADMIRES NADIA VERY

UH, SHE SAYS... SHE SAYS SHE
LIKES AND ADMIRES NADIA VERY
MUCH AND WISHES NOTHING BUT GOOD

LIKES AND ADMIRES NADIA VERY
MUCH AND WISHES NOTHING BUT GOOD
LUCK IN THE FUTURE.

MUCH AND WISHES NOTHING BUT GOOD
LUCK IN THE FUTURE.
WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH,

LUCK IN THE FUTURE.
WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
JOHN, AND THANK YOU, OLGA.

WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
JOHN, AND THANK YOU, OLGA.
THE OLYMPIC SPIRIT.

JOHN, AND THANK YOU, OLGA.
THE OLYMPIC SPIRIT.
ALABAMA GOVERNOR GEORGE WALLACE

THE OLYMPIC SPIRIT.
ALABAMA GOVERNOR GEORGE WALLACE
PLEDGED HIS FULL SUPPORT TO

ALABAMA GOVERNOR GEORGE WALLACE
PLEDGED HIS FULL SUPPORT TO
JIMMY CARTER IN THE UPCOMING

PLEDGED HIS FULL SUPPORT TO
JIMMY CARTER IN THE UPCOMING
CAMPAIGN.

JIMMY CARTER IN THE UPCOMING
CAMPAIGN.
WALLACE TOLD THE PRESS, "IT'S

CAMPAIGN.
WALLACE TOLD THE PRESS, "IT'S
ABOUT TIME WE HAD A CANDIDATE

WALLACE TOLD THE PRESS, "IT'S
ABOUT TIME WE HAD A CANDIDATE
WITHOUT AN ACCENT."

ALL RIGHT.
A FOUR-PERSON JURY TODAY FOUND
REPRESENTATIVE ALLEN T. HOWE

A FOUR-PERSON JURY TODAY FOUND
REPRESENTATIVE ALLEN T. HOWE
GUILTY OF ATTEMPTING TO PURCHASE

REPRESENTATIVE ALLEN T. HOWE
GUILTY OF ATTEMPTING TO PURCHASE
SEXUAL FAVORS FROM TWO POLICE

GUILTY OF ATTEMPTING TO PURCHASE
SEXUAL FAVORS FROM TWO POLICE
DECOYS IN SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH.

SEXUAL FAVORS FROM TWO POLICE
DECOYS IN SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH.
HOWE EXPLAINED THAT HE WAS

DECOYS IN SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH.
HOWE EXPLAINED THAT HE WAS
RETURNING FROM A PARTY AND

HOWE EXPLAINED THAT HE WAS
RETURNING FROM A PARTY AND
THOUGHT HE WAS IN NEVADA.

RETURNING FROM A PARTY AND
THOUGHT HE WAS IN NEVADA.
ALWAYS CONTROVERSIAL, ALWAYS

THOUGHT HE WAS IN NEVADA.
ALWAYS CONTROVERSIAL, ALWAYS
EXCITING AND INNOVATIVE,

ALWAYS CONTROVERSIAL, ALWAYS
EXCITING AND INNOVATIVE,
HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION

EXCITING AND INNOVATIVE,
HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION
MUHAMMAD ALI COMBED HIS FOREHEAD

HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION
MUHAMMAD ALI COMBED HIS FOREHEAD
FOR CONFUSED REPORTERS AT A

MUHAMMAD ALI COMBED HIS FOREHEAD
FOR CONFUSED REPORTERS AT A
PRESS CONFERENCE.

FOR CONFUSED REPORTERS AT A
PRESS CONFERENCE.
HE GAVE NO REASON FOR THE

PRESS CONFERENCE.
HE GAVE NO REASON FOR THE
GATHERING.

HE GAVE NO REASON FOR THE
GATHERING.
WELL, IT'S ALL OVER BUT THE

GATHERING.
WELL, IT'S ALL OVER BUT THE
SHOUTING.

WELL, IT'S ALL OVER BUT THE
SHOUTING.
$1.5 MILLION WAS THE

SHOUTING.
$1.5 MILLION WAS THE
RECORD-BREAKING SUM PAID FOR THE

$1.5 MILLION WAS THE
RECORD-BREAKING SUM PAID FOR THE
YEARLING SON OF FAMED

RECORD-BREAKING SUM PAID FOR THE
YEARLING SON OF FAMED
TRIPLE CROWN-WINNER SECRETARIAT

YEARLING SON OF FAMED
TRIPLE CROWN-WINNER SECRETARIAT
BY BLUE MEADOWS FARMS OF

TRIPLE CROWN-WINNER SECRETARIAT
BY BLUE MEADOWS FARMS OF
TORONTO, CANADA.

BY BLUE MEADOWS FARMS OF
TORONTO, CANADA.
IT WASN'T TILL THE SALE WAS OVER

TORONTO, CANADA.
IT WASN'T TILL THE SALE WAS OVER
THAT THE BLUE MEADOWS PEOPLE

IT WASN'T TILL THE SALE WAS OVER
THAT THE BLUE MEADOWS PEOPLE
NOTICED THAT THE HORSE HAD NO

THAT THE BLUE MEADOWS PEOPLE
NOTICED THAT THE HORSE HAD NO
RIGHT-REAR LEG.

NOTICED THAT THE HORSE HAD NO
RIGHT-REAR LEG.
AND IN OTHER SPORTS, AT THE

RIGHT-REAR LEG.
AND IN OTHER SPORTS, AT THE
OLYMPICS, EMMETT KELLY JR.,

AND IN OTHER SPORTS, AT THE
OLYMPICS, EMMETT KELLY JR.,
SON OF THE FAMOUS CLOWN, LOST IN

OLYMPICS, EMMETT KELLY JR.,
SON OF THE FAMOUS CLOWN, LOST IN
HIS OPENING FEATHERWEIGHT BOUT.

SON OF THE FAMOUS CLOWN, LOST IN
HIS OPENING FEATHERWEIGHT BOUT.
THE EXCITEMENT IN THE SMALL TOWN

HIS OPENING FEATHERWEIGHT BOUT.
THE EXCITEMENT IN THE SMALL TOWN
OF CHOWCHILLA, CALIFORNIA, SEEMS

THE EXCITEMENT IN THE SMALL TOWN
OF CHOWCHILLA, CALIFORNIA, SEEMS
TO HAVE ONLY JUST BEGUN WITH THE

OF CHOWCHILLA, CALIFORNIA, SEEMS
TO HAVE ONLY JUST BEGUN WITH THE
BIZARRE KIDNAPPING LAST WEEK.

TO HAVE ONLY JUST BEGUN WITH THE
BIZARRE KIDNAPPING LAST WEEK.
YESTERDAY AFTERNOON, A

BIZARRE KIDNAPPING LAST WEEK.
YESTERDAY AFTERNOON, A
MYSTERIOUS ARROW FELL TO EARTH

YESTERDAY AFTERNOON, A
MYSTERIOUS ARROW FELL TO EARTH
AND LODGED NEAR A GROUP OF

MYSTERIOUS ARROW FELL TO EARTH
AND LODGED NEAR A GROUP OF
TREES.

AND LODGED NEAR A GROUP OF
TREES.
POLICE ARE AT A LOSS TO EXPLAIN

TREES.
POLICE ARE AT A LOSS TO EXPLAIN
THE APPEARANCE OF THE 80-FOOT

POLICE ARE AT A LOSS TO EXPLAIN
THE APPEARANCE OF THE 80-FOOT
MISSILE, WHICH IS MADE OF PAPER.

THE APPEARANCE OF THE 80-FOOT
MISSILE, WHICH IS MADE OF PAPER.
AND, OF COURSE, A BREAK IN THAT

MISSILE, WHICH IS MADE OF PAPER.
AND, OF COURSE, A BREAK IN THAT
KIDNAPPING CASE, INVOLVING 26

AND, OF COURSE, A BREAK IN THAT
KIDNAPPING CASE, INVOLVING 26
SCHOOLCHILDREN, CAME THIS

KIDNAPPING CASE, INVOLVING 26
SCHOOLCHILDREN, CAME THIS
MORNING WITH THE SURRENDER OF

SCHOOLCHILDREN, CAME THIS
MORNING WITH THE SURRENDER OF
ONE OF THE TWO SUSPECTS...

MORNING WITH THE SURRENDER OF
ONE OF THE TWO SUSPECTS...
22-YEAR-OLD RICHARD SCHOENFELD

ONE OF THE TWO SUSPECTS...
22-YEAR-OLD RICHARD SCHOENFELD
OF ATHERTON, CALIFORNIA.

22-YEAR-OLD RICHARD SCHOENFELD
OF ATHERTON, CALIFORNIA.
POLICE AND FEDERAL AGENTS SAY

OF ATHERTON, CALIFORNIA.
POLICE AND FEDERAL AGENTS SAY
THEY WERE AIDED IN THEIR SEARCH

POLICE AND FEDERAL AGENTS SAY
THEY WERE AIDED IN THEIR SEARCH
BY THE USE OF A COMPOSITE SKETCH

THEY WERE AIDED IN THEIR SEARCH
BY THE USE OF A COMPOSITE SKETCH
MADE BY THE KIDNAPPED CHILDREN

BY THE USE OF A COMPOSITE SKETCH
MADE BY THE KIDNAPPED CHILDREN
OF THEIR ABDUCTORS.

THE THREE KIDNAPPERS ARE ALL
MEMBERS OF THE "RICH PEOPLE'S
LIBERATION ARMY."

MEMBERS OF THE "RICH PEOPLE'S
LIBERATION ARMY."
THE LIBERATION ARMY WANTED AS

LIBERATION ARMY."
THE LIBERATION ARMY WANTED AS
RANSOM THE REPEAL OF CALIFORNIA

THE LIBERATION ARMY WANTED AS
RANSOM THE REPEAL OF CALIFORNIA
INHERITANCE TAX AND $5 MILLION

RANSOM THE REPEAL OF CALIFORNIA
INHERITANCE TAX AND $5 MILLION
TO BUY J. PAUL GETTY JR. A

INHERITANCE TAX AND $5 MILLION
TO BUY J. PAUL GETTY JR. A
NEW EAR.

TO BUY J. PAUL GETTY JR. A
NEW EAR.
WELL, OF COURSE, THE BIG STORY

NEW EAR.
WELL, OF COURSE, THE BIG STORY
THIS WEEK WAS THE HISTORIC

WELL, OF COURSE, THE BIG STORY
THIS WEEK WAS THE HISTORIC
LANDING OF THE VIKING SPACECRAFT

THIS WEEK WAS THE HISTORIC
LANDING OF THE VIKING SPACECRAFT
ON THE PLANET MARS.

LANDING OF THE VIKING SPACECRAFT
ON THE PLANET MARS.
REPORTING ON THIS MOMENTOUS

ON THE PLANET MARS.
REPORTING ON THIS MOMENTOUS
OCCASION IS "WEEKEND UPDATE"

REPORTING ON THIS MOMENTOUS
OCCASION IS "WEEKEND UPDATE"
CORRESPONDENT LEON JAMES.

OCCASION IS "WEEKEND UPDATE"
CORRESPONDENT LEON JAMES.
[Nasal voice] THE VIKING ONE

CORRESPONDENT LEON JAMES.
[Nasal voice] THE VIKING ONE
LANDER, AFTER WEEKS OF ORBITING

[Nasal voice] THE VIKING ONE
LANDER, AFTER WEEKS OF ORBITING
MARS IN SEARCH FOR A SAFE

LANDER, AFTER WEEKS OF ORBITING
MARS IN SEARCH FOR A SAFE
LANDING SITE, TOUCHED DOWN ON

MARS IN SEARCH FOR A SAFE
LANDING SITE, TOUCHED DOWN ON
THE RED PLANET ON TUESDAY... THE

LANDING SITE, TOUCHED DOWN ON
THE RED PLANET ON TUESDAY... THE
SEVENTH ANNIVERSARY OF MAN

THE RED PLANET ON TUESDAY... THE
SEVENTH ANNIVERSARY OF MAN
LANDING ON THE MOON.

SEVENTH ANNIVERSARY OF MAN
LANDING ON THE MOON.
A BARREN, SANDY PLAIN WITH

LANDING ON THE MOON.
A BARREN, SANDY PLAIN WITH
METEOR CRATERS SCATTERED HERE

A BARREN, SANDY PLAIN WITH
METEOR CRATERS SCATTERED HERE
AND THERE, VOLCANIC...

METEOR CRATERS SCATTERED HERE
AND THERE, VOLCANIC...
THREE HOURS EARLIER, THE CRAFT

AND THERE, VOLCANIC...
THREE HOURS EARLIER, THE CRAFT
PARTED COMPANY WITH THE MOTHER

THREE HOURS EARLIER, THE CRAFT
PARTED COMPANY WITH THE MOTHER
SHIP, THEN COMPLETED THE FINAL

PARTED COMPANY WITH THE MOTHER
SHIP, THEN COMPLETED THE FINAL
LEG OF THE LONG JOURNEY FROM

SHIP, THEN COMPLETED THE FINAL
LEG OF THE LONG JOURNEY FROM
EARTH.

LEG OF THE LONG JOURNEY FROM
EARTH.
[Normal voice] CORRESPONDENT

EARTH.
[Normal voice] CORRESPONDENT
LEON JAMES.

[Normal voice] CORRESPONDENT
LEON JAMES.
ALTHOUGH THE SPACECRAFT HAS JUST

LEON JAMES.
ALTHOUGH THE SPACECRAFT HAS JUST
BEGUN PRELIMINARY INVESTIGATION

ALTHOUGH THE SPACECRAFT HAS JUST
BEGUN PRELIMINARY INVESTIGATION
OF THE PLANET'S SURFACE, ALREADY

BEGUN PRELIMINARY INVESTIGATION
OF THE PLANET'S SURFACE, ALREADY
SCIENTISTS CLAIM CONCLUSIVELY

OF THE PLANET'S SURFACE, ALREADY
SCIENTISTS CLAIM CONCLUSIVELY
THAT THERE IS NO LIFE ON MARS AT

SCIENTISTS CLAIM CONCLUSIVELY
THAT THERE IS NO LIFE ON MARS AT
THIS TIME.

THAT THERE IS NO LIFE ON MARS AT
THIS TIME.
[TELEPHONE RINGING]

THIS TIME.
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
THAT'S THE SOUND OF

[TELEPHONE RINGING]
THAT'S THE SOUND OF
"WEEKEND UPDATE'S" LIVE REPORT

THAT'S THE SOUND OF
"WEEKEND UPDATE'S" LIVE REPORT
FROM THE CONVENTION HERE IN

"WEEKEND UPDATE'S" LIVE REPORT
FROM THE CONVENTION HERE IN
NEW YORK... NEW YORK'S

FROM THE CONVENTION HERE IN
NEW YORK... NEW YORK'S
DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION.

NEW YORK... NEW YORK'S
DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION.
HELLO?

DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION.
HELLO?
WHEN WAS IT OVER?

HELLO?
WHEN WAS IT OVER?
WHO... WHO WON?

WHEN WAS IT OVER?
WHO... WHO WON?
OKAY, THANK YOU.

WHO... WHO WON?
OKAY, THANK YOU.
THAT'S THE NEWS TONIGHT.

OKAY, THANK YOU.
THAT'S THE NEWS TONIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A PLEASANT

THAT'S THE NEWS TONIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A PLEASANT
TOMORROW.

[DOOR OPENS]

OKAY, JANE, THAT'S ALL MY MOM
HAD LEFT IN THE FRIDGE.
THAT'S IT?

HAD LEFT IN THE FRIDGE.
THAT'S IT?
YEAH, WELL, THE WHOLE

THAT'S IT?
YEAH, WELL, THE WHOLE
FAMILY'S ON A DIET.

YEAH, WELL, THE WHOLE
FAMILY'S ON A DIET.
MOVE YOUR FEET OVER.

FAMILY'S ON A DIET.
MOVE YOUR FEET OVER.
SO, UH...

MOVE YOUR FEET OVER.
SO, UH...
WHAT DID YOU LET HIM, UH... GET

SO, UH...
WHAT DID YOU LET HIM, UH... GET
LAST NIGHT... A THREE OR A FOUR?

WHAT DID YOU LET HIM, UH... GET
LAST NIGHT... A THREE OR A FOUR?
I CAN'T REMEMBER WHICH IS

LAST NIGHT... A THREE OR A FOUR?
I CAN'T REMEMBER WHICH IS
WHICH.

I CAN'T REMEMBER WHICH IS
WHICH.
HOW'S IT GO?

WHICH.
HOW'S IT GO?
A THREE IS OVER YOUR SHIRT.

HOW'S IT GO?
A THREE IS OVER YOUR SHIRT.
A FOUR IS UNDER YOUR SHIRT, OVER

A THREE IS OVER YOUR SHIRT.
A FOUR IS UNDER YOUR SHIRT, OVER
THE BRA.

A FOUR IS UNDER YOUR SHIRT, OVER
THE BRA.
SO WHICH WAS IT... A THREE OR A

THE BRA.
SO WHICH WAS IT... A THREE OR A
FOUR?

SO WHICH WAS IT... A THREE OR A
FOUR?
FIVE.

FOUR?
FIVE.
A FIVE?

FIVE.
A FIVE?
ON THE THIRD DATE, YOU MEAN YOU

A FIVE?
ON THE THIRD DATE, YOU MEAN YOU
LET HIM HAVE A FIVE?

ON THE THIRD DATE, YOU MEAN YOU
LET HIM HAVE A FIVE?
OH, GOD.

LET HIM HAVE A FIVE?
OH, GOD.
I HAD TO!

OH, GOD.
I HAD TO!
OTHERWISE, HE WOULD HAVE KNOWN I

I HAD TO!
OTHERWISE, HE WOULD HAVE KNOWN I
WAS WEARING A PADDED BRA.

OTHERWISE, HE WOULD HAVE KNOWN I
WAS WEARING A PADDED BRA.
OH, GOD.

WAS WEARING A PADDED BRA.
OH, GOD.
WELL, LOOK, IT'S EMBARRASSING

OH, GOD.
WELL, LOOK, IT'S EMBARRASSING
ENOUGH THAT YOU KNOW.

WELL, LOOK, IT'S EMBARRASSING
ENOUGH THAT YOU KNOW.
YOU KNOW WHAT'S WORSE?

ENOUGH THAT YOU KNOW.
YOU KNOW WHAT'S WORSE?
GYM CLASS.

YOU KNOW WHAT'S WORSE?
GYM CLASS.
DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TAKES TO

GYM CLASS.
DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TAKES TO
CHANGE UNDERNEATH YOUR SLIP?

DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TAKES TO
CHANGE UNDERNEATH YOUR SLIP?
AND THAT'S IN FRONT OF GIRLS.

CHANGE UNDERNEATH YOUR SLIP?
AND THAT'S IN FRONT OF GIRLS.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST STUFF

AND THAT'S IN FRONT OF GIRLS.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST STUFF
COTTON IN YOUR BRA, AND THEN

WHY DON'T YOU JUST STUFF
COTTON IN YOUR BRA, AND THEN
WHEN... WHEN HE STARTS GETTING

COTTON IN YOUR BRA, AND THEN
WHEN... WHEN HE STARTS GETTING
ROMANTIC, YOU COULD JUST EXCUSE

WHEN... WHEN HE STARTS GETTING
ROMANTIC, YOU COULD JUST EXCUSE
YOURSELF AND GO TO THE LADIES'

ROMANTIC, YOU COULD JUST EXCUSE
YOURSELF AND GO TO THE LADIES'
ROOM AND TAKE IT OUT?

YOURSELF AND GO TO THE LADIES'
ROOM AND TAKE IT OUT?
HOW AM I GOING TO GO TO THE

ROOM AND TAKE IT OUT?
HOW AM I GOING TO GO TO THE
LADIES' ROOM IN A CEMETERY?

HOW AM I GOING TO GO TO THE
LADIES' ROOM IN A CEMETERY?
A CEMETERY?

LADIES' ROOM IN A CEMETERY?
A CEMETERY?
YOU KNOW, HE LIKES TO PARK IN

A CEMETERY?
YOU KNOW, HE LIKES TO PARK IN
A CEMETERY.

YOU KNOW, HE LIKES TO PARK IN
A CEMETERY.
IT'S QUIET THERE.

A CEMETERY.
IT'S QUIET THERE.
NOBODY BOTHERS US.

IT'S QUIET THERE.
NOBODY BOTHERS US.
A CEMETERY? OH, GOD.

NOBODY BOTHERS US.
A CEMETERY? OH, GOD.
I WISH YOU'D STOP SAYING

A CEMETERY? OH, GOD.
I WISH YOU'D STOP SAYING
"GOD."

I WISH YOU'D STOP SAYING
"GOD."
[Mockingly] "OH, GOD."

"GOD."
[Mockingly] "OH, GOD."
[Normal voice] ESPECIALLY IN

[Mockingly] "OH, GOD."
[Normal voice] ESPECIALLY IN
FRONT OF MY MOTHER.

[Normal voice] ESPECIALLY IN
FRONT OF MY MOTHER.
SHE THINKS YOU'RE A BAD

FRONT OF MY MOTHER.
SHE THINKS YOU'RE A BAD
INFLUENCE.

SHE THINKS YOU'RE A BAD
INFLUENCE.
THAT'S A LAUGH, ESPECIALLY

INFLUENCE.
THAT'S A LAUGH, ESPECIALLY
WHEN YOU GET THE HIGHEST MARKS

THAT'S A LAUGH, ESPECIALLY
WHEN YOU GET THE HIGHEST MARKS
IN SCHOOL.

WHEN YOU GET THE HIGHEST MARKS
IN SCHOOL.
THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEAN.

IN SCHOOL.
THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEAN.
JANE?

THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEAN.
JANE?
YEAH?

JANE?
YEAH?
HAVE YOU SEEN IT?

YEAH?
HAVE YOU SEEN IT?
WHAT?

HAVE YOU SEEN IT?
WHAT?
YOU KNOW... IT.

WHAT?
YOU KNOW... IT.
NO, I DON'T KNOW. WHAT?

YOU KNOW... IT.
NO, I DON'T KNOW. WHAT?
YOU KNOW, HIS, UH... HIM.

NO, I DON'T KNOW. WHAT?
YOU KNOW, HIS, UH... HIM.
IT. YOU KNOW?

YOU KNOW, HIS, UH... HIM.
IT. YOU KNOW?
THAT'S SO DISGUSTING.

IT. YOU KNOW?
THAT'S SO DISGUSTING.
I JUST WANT TO KNOW DID

THAT'S SO DISGUSTING.
I JUST WANT TO KNOW DID
YOU GET A LOOK AT IT?

I JUST WANT TO KNOW DID
YOU GET A LOOK AT IT?
I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT

YOU GET A LOOK AT IT?
I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT
IT.

I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT
IT.
IT'S TOO DISGUSTING.

IT.
IT'S TOO DISGUSTING.
COME ON, NOW.

IT'S TOO DISGUSTING.
COME ON, NOW.
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE BEST

COME ON, NOW.
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE BEST
FRIENDS.

WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE BEST
FRIENDS.
I-I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT'S

FRIENDS.
I-I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT'S
LIKE.

I-I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT'S
LIKE.
OKAY, OKAY.

LIKE.
OKAY, OKAY.
IT'S NOT LIKE ANYTHING.

OKAY, OKAY.
IT'S NOT LIKE ANYTHING.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "IT'S NOT

IT'S NOT LIKE ANYTHING.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "IT'S NOT
LIKE ANYTHING"?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "IT'S NOT
LIKE ANYTHING"?
IT'S JUST NOT LIKE ANYTHING.

LIKE ANYTHING"?
IT'S JUST NOT LIKE ANYTHING.
HOW CAN IT BE NOT LIKE ANY...

IT'S JUST NOT LIKE ANYTHING.
HOW CAN IT BE NOT LIKE ANY...
I DON'T THINK YOU'VE SEEN IT.

HOW CAN IT BE NOT LIKE ANY...
I DON'T THINK YOU'VE SEEN IT.
OKAY.

I DON'T THINK YOU'VE SEEN IT.
OKAY.
IT'S LIKE A...

OKAY.
IT'S LIKE A...
IT'S LIKE A PERSON.

IT'S LIKE A...
IT'S LIKE A PERSON.
A FIREMAN?

IT'S LIKE A PERSON.
A FIREMAN?
GOD.

A FIREMAN?
GOD.
OH, I DON'T THINK YOU'VE

GOD.
OH, I DON'T THINK YOU'VE
SEEN ANYTHING.

OH, I DON'T THINK YOU'VE
SEEN ANYTHING.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO SEE IT.

SEEN ANYTHING.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO SEE IT.
I THOUGHT HE WANTED YOU TO.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO SEE IT.
I THOUGHT HE WANTED YOU TO.
I WOULDN'T EVEN IF HE WANTED

I THOUGHT HE WANTED YOU TO.
I WOULDN'T EVEN IF HE WANTED
ME TO.

I WOULDN'T EVEN IF HE WANTED
ME TO.
YOU MEAN YOU WOULDN'T IF HE

ME TO.
YOU MEAN YOU WOULDN'T IF HE
WANTED YOU TO?

YOU MEAN YOU WOULDN'T IF HE
WANTED YOU TO?
NO.

WANTED YOU TO?
NO.
EVEN IF YOU WERE GOING

NO.
EVEN IF YOU WERE GOING
STEADY?

EVEN IF YOU WERE GOING
STEADY?
NO.

STEADY?
NO.
EVEN IF HE WOULDN'T GO STEADY

NO.
EVEN IF HE WOULDN'T GO STEADY
WITH YOU ANYMORE?

EVEN IF HE WOULDN'T GO STEADY
WITH YOU ANYMORE?
NO, I WOULDN'T.

WITH YOU ANYMORE?
NO, I WOULDN'T.
EVEN IF HE WOULDN'T GO STEADY

NO, I WOULDN'T.
EVEN IF HE WOULDN'T GO STEADY
WITH YOU ANYMORE AND HE ASKED

EVEN IF HE WOULDN'T GO STEADY
WITH YOU ANYMORE AND HE ASKED
YOU TO GIVE HIS RING BACK, YOU

WITH YOU ANYMORE AND HE ASKED
YOU TO GIVE HIS RING BACK, YOU
STILL WOULDN'T?

YOU TO GIVE HIS RING BACK, YOU
STILL WOULDN'T?
NOPE. I WOULDN'T.

STILL WOULDN'T?
NOPE. I WOULDN'T.
WELL, MAYBE IF HE... NO.

NOPE. I WOULDN'T.
WELL, MAYBE IF HE... NO.
WELL, I WOULD.

WELL, MAYBE IF HE... NO.
WELL, I WOULD.
I'D LOOK AT IT IF HE WANTED ME

WELL, I WOULD.
I'D LOOK AT IT IF HE WANTED ME
TO.

I'D LOOK AT IT IF HE WANTED ME
TO.
LET ME SET YOU STRAIGHT.

TO.
LET ME SET YOU STRAIGHT.
I DON'T THINK THEY WANT YOU TO.

LET ME SET YOU STRAIGHT.
I DON'T THINK THEY WANT YOU TO.
BESIDES, IT'S DARK IN A

I DON'T THINK THEY WANT YOU TO.
BESIDES, IT'S DARK IN A
CEMETERY.

BESIDES, IT'S DARK IN A
CEMETERY.
WELL, THEN YOU HAVE NOTHING

CEMETERY.
WELL, THEN YOU HAVE NOTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT.

WELL, THEN YOU HAVE NOTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT.
WHY?

TO WORRY ABOUT.
WHY?
BECAUSE, UM... THEN HE WON'T

WHY?
BECAUSE, UM... THEN HE WON'T
BE ABLE TO, UH... TO SEE YOUR

BECAUSE, UM... THEN HE WON'T
BE ABLE TO, UH... TO SEE YOUR
CHEST, AND HE WON'T KNOW HOW

BE ABLE TO, UH... TO SEE YOUR
CHEST, AND HE WON'T KNOW HOW
FLAT YOU REALLY ARE.

CHEST, AND HE WON'T KNOW HOW
FLAT YOU REALLY ARE.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

FLAT YOU REALLY ARE.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
IT MEANS, STUPID, THAT THINGS

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
IT MEANS, STUPID, THAT THINGS
HAPPEN TO FEEL BIGGER THAN THEY

IT MEANS, STUPID, THAT THINGS
HAPPEN TO FEEL BIGGER THAN THEY
LOOK, YOU KNOW?

HAPPEN TO FEEL BIGGER THAN THEY
LOOK, YOU KNOW?
LIKE WHEN YOU GOT A PIMPLE ON

LOOK, YOU KNOW?
LIKE WHEN YOU GOT A PIMPLE ON
YOUR FACE, AND YOU KEEP FEELING

LIKE WHEN YOU GOT A PIMPLE ON
YOUR FACE, AND YOU KEEP FEELING
IT AND FEELING IT, AND IT FEELS

YOUR FACE, AND YOU KEEP FEELING
IT AND FEELING IT, AND IT FEELS
LIKE IT'S REALLY BIG, AND THEN

IT AND FEELING IT, AND IT FEELS
LIKE IT'S REALLY BIG, AND THEN
YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR, AND IT'S

LIKE IT'S REALLY BIG, AND THEN
YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR, AND IT'S
NOT SO BAD AFTER ALL... JUST

YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR, AND IT'S
NOT SO BAD AFTER ALL... JUST
LIKE YOUR BREASTS.

NOT SO BAD AFTER ALL... JUST
LIKE YOUR BREASTS.
IT IS?

LIKE YOUR BREASTS.
IT IS?
YEAH, AND ANOTHER THING.

IT IS?
YEAH, AND ANOTHER THING.
YOU BETTER, UH...

YEAH, AND ANOTHER THING.
YOU BETTER, UH...
YOU BETTER NOT LET HIM SEE YOU,

YOU BETTER, UH...
YOU BETTER NOT LET HIM SEE YOU,
UH, LYING DOWN ON YOUR BACK.

YOU BETTER NOT LET HIM SEE YOU,
UH, LYING DOWN ON YOUR BACK.
WHY?

UH, LYING DOWN ON YOUR BACK.
WHY?
UH, 'CAUSE THEY SLIP OVER TO

WHY?
UH, 'CAUSE THEY SLIP OVER TO
THE SIDES INTO YOUR ARMPITS.

UH, 'CAUSE THEY SLIP OVER TO
THE SIDES INTO YOUR ARMPITS.
OH, GILDA.

THE SIDES INTO YOUR ARMPITS.
OH, GILDA.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, UH...

OH, GILDA.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, UH...
YOU BETTER ONLY LET HIM SEE YOU

AS A MATTER OF FACT, UH...
YOU BETTER ONLY LET HIM SEE YOU
WHEN YOU'RE UP AT THE LAKE,

YOU BETTER ONLY LET HIM SEE YOU
WHEN YOU'RE UP AT THE LAKE,
SWIMMING.

WHEN YOU'RE UP AT THE LAKE,
SWIMMING.
WHY?

SWIMMING.
WHY?
'CAUSE THINGS LOOK BIGGER

WHY?
'CAUSE THINGS LOOK BIGGER
UNDERWATER, STUPID.

'CAUSE THINGS LOOK BIGGER
UNDERWATER, STUPID.
DON'T CALL ME "STUPID,"

UNDERWATER, STUPID.
DON'T CALL ME "STUPID,"
STUPID.

DON'T CALL ME "STUPID,"
STUPID.
STUPID YOURSELF!

STUPID.
STUPID YOURSELF!
OH, GOD.

STUPID YOURSELF!
OH, GOD.
I WISH I HAD A BOYFRIEND.

AND NOW HERE'S SOMETHING I
THINK YOU'LL FIND INTERESTING.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

WANT TO SIT HERE?
[SIGHS]

[GROANS]
YOU ALL RIGHT?
WHAT?

YOU ALL RIGHT?
WHAT?
YOU OKAY?

WHAT?
YOU OKAY?
I'M JUST TIRED. THAT'S ALL.

YOU OKAY?
I'M JUST TIRED. THAT'S ALL.
YEAH.

I'M JUST TIRED. THAT'S ALL.
YEAH.
YOU'RE TIRED?

YEAH.
YOU'RE TIRED?
DID YOU SLEEP?

YOU'RE TIRED?
DID YOU SLEEP?
NOT AT ALL.

DID YOU SLEEP?
NOT AT ALL.
I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.

NOT AT ALL.
I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
NO, I'M SORRY TO MAKE BOTH OF

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
NO, I'M SORRY TO MAKE BOTH OF
US SO...

NO, I'M SORRY TO MAKE BOTH OF
US SO...
I'M OKAY. NO, I'M OKAY.

US SO...
I'M OKAY. NO, I'M OKAY.
GET A WAITRESS.

I'M OKAY. NO, I'M OKAY.
GET A WAITRESS.
WAITRESS, PLEASE!

[SIGHS]
I'D LIKE SOME, UH...
COLD GLASS OF ORANGE JUICE,

I'D LIKE SOME, UH...
COLD GLASS OF ORANGE JUICE,
SCRAMBLED EGGS, SIDE OF BACON,

COLD GLASS OF ORANGE JUICE,
SCRAMBLED EGGS, SIDE OF BACON,
AND, UH... CAN I HAVE SOME HOME

SCRAMBLED EGGS, SIDE OF BACON,
AND, UH... CAN I HAVE SOME HOME
FRIES AND A CUP OF COFFEE,

AND, UH... CAN I HAVE SOME HOME
FRIES AND A CUP OF COFFEE,
PLEASE?

FRIES AND A CUP OF COFFEE,
PLEASE?
MISS?

PLEASE?
MISS?
I'LL HAVE COFFEE.

MISS?
I'LL HAVE COFFEE.
COULD YOU BRING IT FAST?

SORRY.
I JUST, UM...
I THINK WE SHOULD, UM...

I JUST, UM...
I THINK WE SHOULD, UM...
I'M SO...

I THINK WE SHOULD, UM...
I'M SO...
I'M LOST. I-I'M, UH...

I'M SO...
I'M LOST. I-I'M, UH...
I'M LOST. I JUST, UH...

I'M LOST. I-I'M, UH...
I'M LOST. I JUST, UH...
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

I'M LOST. I JUST, UH...
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
I MEAN, I JUST, UH...

I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
I MEAN, I JUST, UH...
I JUST... I HATE THIS KIND OF

I MEAN, I JUST, UH...
I JUST... I HATE THIS KIND OF
STUFF.

I JUST... I HATE THIS KIND OF
STUFF.
I MEAN...

STUFF.
I MEAN...
AND I THINK WE HAVE TO TALK.

I MEAN...
AND I THINK WE HAVE TO TALK.
[CUPS RATTLE]

AND I THINK WE HAVE TO TALK.
[CUPS RATTLE]
THANK YOU.

[CUPS RATTLE]
THANK YOU.
AND, UM...

THANK YOU.
AND, UM...
IT'S FUNNY... FOR A SECOND, I

AND, UM...
IT'S FUNNY... FOR A SECOND, I
COULDN'T REMEMBER WHETHER I

IT'S FUNNY... FOR A SECOND, I
COULDN'T REMEMBER WHETHER I
TAKE CREAM IN MY COFFEE.

COULDN'T REMEMBER WHETHER I
TAKE CREAM IN MY COFFEE.
THEN I TAKE...

TAKE CREAM IN MY COFFEE.
THEN I TAKE...
WELL, ANYWAY, WE SHOULD TALK,

THEN I TAKE...
WELL, ANYWAY, WE SHOULD TALK,
AND I JUST THINK THAT, UM...

WELL, ANYWAY, WE SHOULD TALK,
AND I JUST THINK THAT, UM...
IT'S, UH... THANK...

AND I JUST THINK THAT, UM...
IT'S, UH... THANK...
COULD I HAVE A SIP OF THAT,

IT'S, UH... THANK...
COULD I HAVE A SIP OF THAT,
PLEASE?

COULD I HAVE A SIP OF THAT,
PLEASE?
SURE.

THANK YOU.
I MEAN, I KNOW SOMETHING'S GONE
WRONG, AND I KNOW IT'S OFF

I MEAN, I KNOW SOMETHING'S GONE
WRONG, AND I KNOW IT'S OFF
BETWEEN US, AND I-I... THINK I'M

WRONG, AND I KNOW IT'S OFF
BETWEEN US, AND I-I... THINK I'M
HAVING AN OVERREACTION, OR

BETWEEN US, AND I-I... THINK I'M
HAVING AN OVERREACTION, OR
SOMETHING'S HAPPENING, AND I

HAVING AN OVERREACTION, OR
SOMETHING'S HAPPENING, AND I
DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS, AND I...

SOMETHING'S HAPPENING, AND I
DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS, AND I...
I, UM...

DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS, AND I...
I, UM...
I JUST... I-I...

I, UM...
I JUST... I-I...
I-I... I WISH I COULD EXPLAIN

I JUST... I-I...
I-I... I WISH I COULD EXPLAIN
WHAT'S GOING ON.

I-I... I WISH I COULD EXPLAIN
WHAT'S GOING ON.
WHAT'S GOING ON WITH ME IS

WHAT'S GOING ON.
WHAT'S GOING ON WITH ME IS
BECAUSE OF WHAT'S GOING ON...

WHAT'S GOING ON WITH ME IS
BECAUSE OF WHAT'S GOING ON...
I KNOW YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR

BECAUSE OF WHAT'S GOING ON...
I KNOW YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR
IT.

I KNOW YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR
IT.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN.

IT.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN.
I KNOW I DON'T HAVE TO, BUT I

YOU DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN.
I KNOW I DON'T HAVE TO, BUT I
DO HAVE TO.

I KNOW I DON'T HAVE TO, BUT I
DO HAVE TO.
WHAT'S GOING ON WITH ME IS

DO HAVE TO.
WHAT'S GOING ON WITH ME IS
BECAUSE OF WHAT'S GOING WITH

WHAT'S GOING ON WITH ME IS
BECAUSE OF WHAT'S GOING WITH
YOU.

BECAUSE OF WHAT'S GOING WITH
YOU.
THAT'S ALL.

YOU.
THAT'S ALL.
IT'S BECAUSE OF WHAT'S GOING ON

THAT'S ALL.
IT'S BECAUSE OF WHAT'S GOING ON
WITH YOU.

IT'S BECAUSE OF WHAT'S GOING ON
WITH YOU.
IT'S JUST THAT IT'S, UH...

WITH YOU.
IT'S JUST THAT IT'S, UH...
IT'S... IT'S... IT'S JUST THAT

IT'S JUST THAT IT'S, UH...
IT'S... IT'S... IT'S JUST THAT
IT'S, UM...

IT'S... IT'S... IT'S JUST THAT
IT'S, UM...
IT'S, UM...

IT'S, UM...
IT'S, UM...
LET ME JUST TRY TO EXPLAIN THIS.

IT'S, UM...
LET ME JUST TRY TO EXPLAIN THIS.
IT'S JUST THAT IT'S, UH...

LET ME JUST TRY TO EXPLAIN THIS.
IT'S JUST THAT IT'S, UH...
LINE, PLEASE.

IT'S JUST THAT IT'S, UH...
LINE, PLEASE.
"I JUST FEEL YOU DON'T CARE

LINE, PLEASE.
"I JUST FEEL YOU DON'T CARE
THE SAME WAY YOU USED TO."

"I JUST FEEL YOU DON'T CARE
THE SAME WAY YOU USED TO."
I JUST FEEL THAT YOU DON'T

THE SAME WAY YOU USED TO."
I JUST FEEL THAT YOU DON'T
CARE THE SAME WAY THAT YOU USED

I JUST FEEL THAT YOU DON'T
CARE THE SAME WAY THAT YOU USED
TO.

CARE THE SAME WAY THAT YOU USED
TO.
THINGS HAVE CHANGED,

TO.
THINGS HAVE CHANGED,
ESPECIALLY WHAT WE HAVE HERE.

THINGS HAVE CHANGED,
ESPECIALLY WHAT WE HAVE HERE.
I-I... I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT

ESPECIALLY WHAT WE HAVE HERE.
I-I... I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT
IT, OKAY?

I-I... I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT
IT, OKAY?
JUST LEAVE IT.

IT'S GOOD COFFEE.
CAN I HAVE ANOTHER SIP OF
YOUR JUICE?

CAN I HAVE ANOTHER SIP OF
YOUR JUICE?
HOW?

YOUR JUICE?
HOW?
HOW?

HOW?
HOW?
HOW?

HOW?
HOW?
HOW HAVE THINGS CHANGED?

WELL...
LINE, PLEASE.
"WELL, YOUR CAREER, FOR ONE."

LINE, PLEASE.
"WELL, YOUR CAREER, FOR ONE."
WELL, YOUR CAREER, FOR ONE.

"WELL, YOUR CAREER, FOR ONE."
WELL, YOUR CAREER, FOR ONE.
DO I HAVE SOME, UH, HAIR IN

WELL, YOUR CAREER, FOR ONE.
DO I HAVE SOME, UH, HAIR IN
MY...

DO I HAVE SOME, UH, HAIR IN
MY...
COULD YOU GET ME SOME EXCEDRIN

MY...
COULD YOU GET ME SOME EXCEDRIN
AND A GLASS OF WATER, PLEASE?

COULD YOU GET ME SOME EXCEDRIN
AND A GLASS OF WATER, PLEASE?
YES.

AND A GLASS OF WATER, PLEASE?
YES.
OKAY, IS THERE HAIR IN MY...

YES.
OKAY, IS THERE HAIR IN MY...
LORNE?

OKAY, IS THERE HAIR IN MY...
LORNE?
IS THERE HAIR, LIKE...

LORNE?
IS THERE HAIR, LIKE...
IT FEELS LIKE I'M... SOMETHING'S

IS THERE HAIR, LIKE...
IT FEELS LIKE I'M... SOMETHING'S
WRONG HERE.

IT FEELS LIKE I'M... SOMETHING'S
WRONG HERE.
UM, THE LINES... WHAT ARE THE

WRONG HERE.
UM, THE LINES... WHAT ARE THE
LINES?

UM, THE LINES... WHAT ARE THE
LINES?
AFTER "I THINK YOU'VE CHANGED."

LINES?
AFTER "I THINK YOU'VE CHANGED."
I'M CHANGING BECAUSE I'M A STAR

AFTER "I THINK YOU'VE CHANGED."
I'M CHANGING BECAUSE I'M A STAR
NOW.

I'M CHANGING BECAUSE I'M A STAR
NOW.
I DON'T HAVE ANY MORE LINES,

NOW.
I DON'T HAVE ANY MORE LINES,
LOUISE.

I DON'T HAVE ANY MORE LINES,
LOUISE.
NO, NO, AUDREY, THE LINE IS

LOUISE.
NO, NO, AUDREY, THE LINE IS
"HOW HAVE I CHANGED?"

NO, NO, AUDREY, THE LINE IS
"HOW HAVE I CHANGED?"
"YOU'VE CHANGED..."

"HOW HAVE I CHANGED?"
"YOU'VE CHANGED..."
WHAT IS THE LINE, ALAN?

"YOU'VE CHANGED..."
WHAT IS THE LINE, ALAN?
YOU'VE CHANGED...

WHAT IS THE LINE, ALAN?
YOU'VE CHANGED...
IT'S ABOUT HER CAREER.

YOU'VE CHANGED...
IT'S ABOUT HER CAREER.
"YOUR CAREER, FOR ONE."

IT'S ABOUT HER CAREER.
"YOUR CAREER, FOR ONE."
"YOUR CAREER, FOR ONE."

"YOUR CAREER, FOR ONE."
"YOUR CAREER, FOR ONE."
THEN WHAT'S THE LINE AFTER THE

"YOUR CAREER, FOR ONE."
THEN WHAT'S THE LINE AFTER THE
"YOUR CAREER"?

THEN WHAT'S THE LINE AFTER THE
"YOUR CAREER"?
LORNE, PLEASE. LORNE?

"YOUR CAREER"?
LORNE, PLEASE. LORNE?
WHAT?

LORNE, PLEASE. LORNE?
WHAT?
LORNE, I...

WHAT?
LORNE, I...
I'M SORRY. I'M REALLY SORRY.

LORNE, I...
I'M SORRY. I'M REALLY SORRY.
WE'RE JUST IN THE MIDDLE OF

I'M SORRY. I'M REALLY SORRY.
WE'RE JUST IN THE MIDDLE OF
IT NOW.

WE'RE JUST IN THE MIDDLE OF
IT NOW.
I DON'T THINK ANYONE HERE KNOWS

IT NOW.
I DON'T THINK ANYONE HERE KNOWS
WE'RE FILMING, SO WE CAN JUST...

I DON'T THINK ANYONE HERE KNOWS
WE'RE FILMING, SO WE CAN JUST...
DO YOU THINK YOU CAN DO ANOTHER

WE'RE FILMING, SO WE CAN JUST...
DO YOU THINK YOU CAN DO ANOTHER
TAKE?

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN DO ANOTHER
TAKE?
NO.

TAKE?
NO.
ALL RIGHT, WHY DON'T YOU GO

NO.
ALL RIGHT, WHY DON'T YOU GO
SIT AT THE BAR AND JUST RELAX,

ALL RIGHT, WHY DON'T YOU GO
SIT AT THE BAR AND JUST RELAX,
AND WE'LL DO ANOTHER AS SOON AS

SIT AT THE BAR AND JUST RELAX,
AND WE'LL DO ANOTHER AS SOON AS
YOU'RE FEELING BETTER, ALL

AND WE'LL DO ANOTHER AS SOON AS
YOU'RE FEELING BETTER, ALL
RIGHT?

YOU'RE FEELING BETTER, ALL
RIGHT?
YOU DIDN'T GET ENOUGH SLEEP.

RIGHT?
YOU DIDN'T GET ENOUGH SLEEP.
THAT'S ALL. YOU ALL RIGHT?

YOU DIDN'T GET ENOUGH SLEEP.
THAT'S ALL. YOU ALL RIGHT?
OKAY, I'M GONNA GO OVER.

THAT'S ALL. YOU ALL RIGHT?
OKAY, I'M GONNA GO OVER.
ALL RIGHT.

OKAY, I'M GONNA GO OVER.
ALL RIGHT.
I'M SORRY, ALAN.

ALL RIGHT.
I'M SORRY, ALAN.
I'M REALLY SORRY.

I'M SORRY, ALAN.
I'M REALLY SORRY.
OKAY.

I'M REALLY SORRY.
OKAY.
HI.

OKAY.
HI.
OH, HI. HOW'S IT GOING?

HI.
OH, HI. HOW'S IT GOING?
OH, JUST TERRIBLE.

OH, HI. HOW'S IT GOING?
OH, JUST TERRIBLE.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?

OH, JUST TERRIBLE.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
IT'S JUST LIKE I JUST CAN'T

WHAT'S THE MATTER?
IT'S JUST LIKE I JUST CAN'T
ACT AND BEHAVE THIS WAY.

IT'S JUST LIKE I JUST CAN'T
ACT AND BEHAVE THIS WAY.
I MEAN, IT'S LIKE... IT'S

ACT AND BEHAVE THIS WAY.
I MEAN, IT'S LIKE... IT'S
LIKE...

I MEAN, IT'S LIKE... IT'S
LIKE...
I JUST FEEL LIKE SOMETHING

LIKE...
I JUST FEEL LIKE SOMETHING
CHANGED WITH US.

I JUST FEEL LIKE SOMETHING
CHANGED WITH US.
WELL, THINGS HAVE CHANGED.

CHANGED WITH US.
WELL, THINGS HAVE CHANGED.
I KNOW.

WELL, THINGS HAVE CHANGED.
I KNOW.
I MEAN, YOU DON'T FEEL THE SAME

I KNOW.
I MEAN, YOU DON'T FEEL THE SAME
WAY THAT YOU USED TO FEEL, BUT,

I MEAN, YOU DON'T FEEL THE SAME
WAY THAT YOU USED TO FEEL, BUT,
LIKE, HOW, WHY?

WAY THAT YOU USED TO FEEL, BUT,
LIKE, HOW, WHY?
WHY?

LIKE, HOW, WHY?
WHY?
LINE, PLEASE.

WHY?
LINE, PLEASE.
I'M SORRY.

LINE, PLEASE.
I'M SORRY.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE IN THE

I'M SORRY.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE IN THE
SCRIPT.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE IN THE
SCRIPT.
NO, I THINK IT'S "THINGS

SCRIPT.
NO, I THINK IT'S "THINGS
ARE..."

NO, I THINK IT'S "THINGS
ARE..."
WHAT... WAIT. "THINGS ARE..."

ARE..."
WHAT... WAIT. "THINGS ARE..."
CHANGE.

WHAT... WAIT. "THINGS ARE..."
CHANGE.
BECAUSE OF MY CAREER OR

CHANGE.
BECAUSE OF MY CAREER OR
SOMETHING.

BECAUSE OF MY CAREER OR
SOMETHING.
I... WHERE'S...

SOMETHING.
I... WHERE'S...
I GOT IT. I GOT IT. OKAY.

I... WHERE'S...
I GOT IT. I GOT IT. OKAY.
OKAY, SO WHERE ARE WE?

I GOT IT. I GOT IT. OKAY.
OKAY, SO WHERE ARE WE?
GIVE ME THE LINE.

OKAY, SO WHERE ARE WE?
GIVE ME THE LINE.
WHAT'S THE LINE?

GIVE ME THE LINE.
WHAT'S THE LINE?
WELL, YOU SAID, "HOW?"

WHAT'S THE LINE?
WELL, YOU SAID, "HOW?"
"THINGS ARE CHANGING," AND...

WELL, YOU SAID, "HOW?"
"THINGS ARE CHANGING," AND...
NO, I SAY, "THINGS HAVE

"THINGS ARE CHANGING," AND...
NO, I SAY, "THINGS HAVE
CHANGED."

NO, I SAY, "THINGS HAVE
CHANGED."
YOU SAY, "HOW?"

CHANGED."
YOU SAY, "HOW?"
THINGS HAVE CHANGED.

YOU SAY, "HOW?"
THINGS HAVE CHANGED.
NO, NO, I SAY "THINGS HAVE

THINGS HAVE CHANGED.
NO, NO, I SAY "THINGS HAVE
CHANGED."

NO, NO, I SAY "THINGS HAVE
CHANGED."
OH, SO SAY IT.

CHANGED."
OH, SO SAY IT.
OKAY.

OH, SO SAY IT.
OKAY.
WELL, THINGS HAVE CHANGED.

OKAY.
WELL, THINGS HAVE CHANGED.
HOW?

WELL, THINGS HAVE CHANGED.
HOW?
I DON'T KNOW.

HOW?
I DON'T KNOW.
IN THE PAST YEAR.

I DON'T KNOW.
IN THE PAST YEAR.
YOU KNOW, YOUR CAREER AND

IN THE PAST YEAR.
YOU KNOW, YOUR CAREER AND
EVERYTHING.

YOU KNOW, YOUR CAREER AND
EVERYTHING.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

HI. I'M JOHN BELUSHI.
THAT'S ME DOING THE SAMURAI DELI
SCENE, A CLASSIC PIECE OF COMEDY

THAT'S ME DOING THE SAMURAI DELI
SCENE, A CLASSIC PIECE OF COMEDY
I MADE FAMOUS LAST YEAR ON NBC's

SCENE, A CLASSIC PIECE OF COMEDY
I MADE FAMOUS LAST YEAR ON NBC's
"SATURDAY NIGHT."

I MADE FAMOUS LAST YEAR ON NBC's
"SATURDAY NIGHT."
YOU KNOW, A LOT OF PEOPLE COME

"SATURDAY NIGHT."
YOU KNOW, A LOT OF PEOPLE COME
UP TO ME AND SAY, "YOU HAVE A

YOU KNOW, A LOT OF PEOPLE COME
UP TO ME AND SAY, "YOU HAVE A
DISTINCTIVE LOOK.

UP TO ME AND SAY, "YOU HAVE A
DISTINCTIVE LOOK.
HOW CAN I CAPTURE THAT LOOK FOR

DISTINCTIVE LOOK.
HOW CAN I CAPTURE THAT LOOK FOR
MYSELF?"

HOW CAN I CAPTURE THAT LOOK FOR
MYSELF?"
WELL, I'M VERY PROUD TO ANNOUNCE

MYSELF?"
WELL, I'M VERY PROUD TO ANNOUNCE
AFTER MONTHS OF WORK TO UNVEIL

WELL, I'M VERY PROUD TO ANNOUNCE
AFTER MONTHS OF WORK TO UNVEIL
MY VERY PERSONAL PROJECT.

AFTER MONTHS OF WORK TO UNVEIL
MY VERY PERSONAL PROJECT.
I'M FINALLY ABLE TO OFFER YOU MY

MY VERY PERSONAL PROJECT.
I'M FINALLY ABLE TO OFFER YOU MY
EXCLUSIVE LINE OF MEN'S

I'M FINALLY ABLE TO OFFER YOU MY
EXCLUSIVE LINE OF MEN'S
CLOTHING.

EXCLUSIVE LINE OF MEN'S
CLOTHING.
I HAVE PERSONALLY SELECTED OUT

CLOTHING.
I HAVE PERSONALLY SELECTED OUT
OF HUNDREDS OF STYLES AND

I HAVE PERSONALLY SELECTED OUT
OF HUNDREDS OF STYLES AND
FABRICS CLOTHES WITH THAT

OF HUNDREDS OF STYLES AND
FABRICS CLOTHES WITH THAT
DISTINCTIVE "JOHN BELUSHI"

FABRICS CLOTHES WITH THAT
DISTINCTIVE "JOHN BELUSHI"
STYLE, CLOTHES THAT I MADE

DISTINCTIVE "JOHN BELUSHI"
STYLE, CLOTHES THAT I MADE
FAMOUS ON NBC's "SATURDAY

STYLE, CLOTHES THAT I MADE
FAMOUS ON NBC's "SATURDAY
NIGHT," CLOTHES LIKE I'M WEARING

FAMOUS ON NBC's "SATURDAY
NIGHT," CLOTHES LIKE I'M WEARING
RIGHT NOW...

NIGHT," CLOTHES LIKE I'M WEARING
RIGHT NOW...
FOR INSTANCE, THIS REVERSIBLE

RIGHT NOW...
FOR INSTANCE, THIS REVERSIBLE
VEST, YOU CAN WEAR IT THIS WAY

FOR INSTANCE, THIS REVERSIBLE
VEST, YOU CAN WEAR IT THIS WAY
OR THE OTHER WAY.

VEST, YOU CAN WEAR IT THIS WAY
OR THE OTHER WAY.
IT'S GOT BUTTONS ON BOTH SIDES,

OR THE OTHER WAY.
IT'S GOT BUTTONS ON BOTH SIDES,
YOU SEE.

IT'S GOT BUTTONS ON BOTH SIDES,
YOU SEE.
THIS SHIRT... IT'S A VERY

YOU SEE.
THIS SHIRT... IT'S A VERY
PERSONAL SHIRT.

THIS SHIRT... IT'S A VERY
PERSONAL SHIRT.
IT CAN BE WORN ANY WAY YOU

PERSONAL SHIRT.
IT CAN BE WORN ANY WAY YOU
LIKE.

IT CAN BE WORN ANY WAY YOU
LIKE.
THE SLEEVES ROLL DOWN.

LIKE.
THE SLEEVES ROLL DOWN.
YOU CAN ROLL YOUR SLEEVES UP

THE SLEEVES ROLL DOWN.
YOU CAN ROLL YOUR SLEEVES UP
LIKE THIS.

YOU CAN ROLL YOUR SLEEVES UP
LIKE THIS.
SEE? VERY NICE SHIRT.

LIKE THIS.
SEE? VERY NICE SHIRT.
YOU CAN OPEN UP THE COLLAR LIKE

SEE? VERY NICE SHIRT.
YOU CAN OPEN UP THE COLLAR LIKE
THIS, KIND OF COOL AND BREEZY.

YOU CAN OPEN UP THE COLLAR LIKE
THIS, KIND OF COOL AND BREEZY.
I PERSONALLY SELECTED THIS SHIRT

THIS, KIND OF COOL AND BREEZY.
I PERSONALLY SELECTED THIS SHIRT
OUT OF HUNDREDS, AND I PAID $12

I PERSONALLY SELECTED THIS SHIRT
OUT OF HUNDREDS, AND I PAID $12
FOR IT.

OUT OF HUNDREDS, AND I PAID $12
FOR IT.
YOU CAN HAVE IT FOR $3.

FOR IT.
YOU CAN HAVE IT FOR $3.
OR YOU CAN MAKE ME AN OFFER...

YOU CAN HAVE IT FOR $3.
OR YOU CAN MAKE ME AN OFFER...
RIGHT NOW, THIS SHIRT, $3.

OR YOU CAN MAKE ME AN OFFER...
RIGHT NOW, THIS SHIRT, $3.
WHAT DO YOU SAY, HUH?

RIGHT NOW, THIS SHIRT, $3.
WHAT DO YOU SAY, HUH?
THE VEST... AGAIN, UNIQUELY

WHAT DO YOU SAY, HUH?
THE VEST... AGAIN, UNIQUELY
BELUSHI.

THE VEST... AGAIN, UNIQUELY
BELUSHI.
I PAID $17 RETAIL... 8 BUCKS.

BELUSHI.
I PAID $17 RETAIL... 8 BUCKS.
HUH? PLEASE.

I PAID $17 RETAIL... 8 BUCKS.
HUH? PLEASE.
THE HAT, THE HAT, THE SHADES...

HUH? PLEASE.
THE HAT, THE HAT, THE SHADES...
LIVING TRADEMARKS OF AN

THE HAT, THE HAT, THE SHADES...
LIVING TRADEMARKS OF AN
UNDERPAID TV ACTOR.

LIVING TRADEMARKS OF AN
UNDERPAID TV ACTOR.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?

UNDERPAID TV ACTOR.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
5 BUCKS, HUH?

WHAT DO YOU SAY?
5 BUCKS, HUH?
COME ON. PLEASE.

5 BUCKS, HUH?
COME ON. PLEASE.
I'M SERIOUS.

COME ON. PLEASE.
I'M SERIOUS.
BUY MY CLOTHES...

I'M SERIOUS.
BUY MY CLOTHES...
THESE CLOTHES, NOW.

BUY MY CLOTHES...
THESE CLOTHES, NOW.
REALLY, I NEED THE CASH.

THESE CLOTHES, NOW.
REALLY, I NEED THE CASH.
I DO. PLEASE.

REALLY, I NEED THE CASH.
I DO. PLEASE.
LOOK AT THIS SHIRT.

I DO. PLEASE.
LOOK AT THIS SHIRT.
THIS SHIRT'S IN GREAT CONDITION.

LOOK AT THIS SHIRT.
THIS SHIRT'S IN GREAT CONDITION.
LISTEN, IF YOU SEND IT SOON, YOU

THIS SHIRT'S IN GREAT CONDITION.
LISTEN, IF YOU SEND IT SOON, YOU
CAN BUY MY ALBUMS... REALLY.

LISTEN, IF YOU SEND IT SOON, YOU
CAN BUY MY ALBUMS... REALLY.
I GOT CREAM HERE, "WHEELS OF

CAN BUY MY ALBUMS... REALLY.
I GOT CREAM HERE, "WHEELS OF
FIRE," GREAT ALBUM HERE.

I GOT CREAM HERE, "WHEELS OF
FIRE," GREAT ALBUM HERE.
I GOT SOME STONES, SOME

FIRE," GREAT ALBUM HERE.
I GOT SOME STONES, SOME
ROLLING STONES, THE DOORS' EARLY

I GOT SOME STONES, SOME
ROLLING STONES, THE DOORS' EARLY
STUFF BEFORE JIM DIED, YOU KNOW?

ROLLING STONES, THE DOORS' EARLY
STUFF BEFORE JIM DIED, YOU KNOW?
I GOT SOME GRAND FUNK I ONLY

STUFF BEFORE JIM DIED, YOU KNOW?
I GOT SOME GRAND FUNK I ONLY
LISTENED TO ONCE, OKAY.

I GOT SOME GRAND FUNK I ONLY
LISTENED TO ONCE, OKAY.
I GOT A LOT.

LISTENED TO ONCE, OKAY.
I GOT A LOT.
I GOT MOBY GRAPE, SOME OF THE

I GOT A LOT.
I GOT MOBY GRAPE, SOME OF THE
BEACH BOYS' EARLY STUFF,

I GOT MOBY GRAPE, SOME OF THE
BEACH BOYS' EARLY STUFF,
ANYTHING YOU WANT.

BEACH BOYS' EARLY STUFF,
ANYTHING YOU WANT.
LOT OF ALBUMS, BUCK APIECE...

ANYTHING YOU WANT.
LOT OF ALBUMS, BUCK APIECE...
WHAT DO YOU SAY?

LOT OF ALBUMS, BUCK APIECE...
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
IT'S A GOOD DEAL, $1, HUH?

WHAT DO YOU SAY?
IT'S A GOOD DEAL, $1, HUH?
I GOT A RADIO.

IT'S A GOOD DEAL, $1, HUH?
I GOT A RADIO.
DOESN'T WORK, BUT IF YOU'RE GOOD

I GOT A RADIO.
DOESN'T WORK, BUT IF YOU'RE GOOD
WITH YOUR HANDS AND YOU LIKE TO

DOESN'T WORK, BUT IF YOU'RE GOOD
WITH YOUR HANDS AND YOU LIKE TO
WORK WITH ELECTRICITY, YOU CAN

WITH YOUR HANDS AND YOU LIKE TO
WORK WITH ELECTRICITY, YOU CAN
FIX IT, REALLY.

WORK WITH ELECTRICITY, YOU CAN
FIX IT, REALLY.
MAKE ME AN OFFER.

FIX IT, REALLY.
MAKE ME AN OFFER.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?

MAKE ME AN OFFER.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
GOOD SHIRT, HUH?

WHAT DO YOU SAY?
GOOD SHIRT, HUH?
NICE SHIRT?

GOOD SHIRT, HUH?
NICE SHIRT?
WANT TO BUY IT? REALLY.

NICE SHIRT?
WANT TO BUY IT? REALLY.
LISTEN, IF YOU CARE ABOUT MY

WANT TO BUY IT? REALLY.
LISTEN, IF YOU CARE ABOUT MY
CAREER, IF YOU CARE ABOUT MY

LISTEN, IF YOU CARE ABOUT MY
CAREER, IF YOU CARE ABOUT MY
WORK, YOU'LL BUY MY SHIRT.

CAREER, IF YOU CARE ABOUT MY
WORK, YOU'LL BUY MY SHIRT.
Announcer: THE JOHN BELUSHI

WORK, YOU'LL BUY MY SHIRT.
Announcer: THE JOHN BELUSHI
WARDROBE, CLOTHES OF

Announcer: THE JOHN BELUSHI
WARDROBE, CLOTHES OF
DISTINCTION... ONLY WORN ONCE.

JIMMY?

JIMMY, YOU HAVE SOME PEOPLE

WAITING IN THE WAREHOUSE.

[Southern accent] MY NAME

IS JIMMY CARTER.

AND I'M RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT.

I'M REAL HAPPY THAT SOME OF YOU
COULD COME OUT TO THE FARM
TODAY.

COULD COME OUT TO THE FARM
TODAY.
YOU'VE ALL BEEN REAL SUPPORTIVE.

TODAY.
YOU'VE ALL BEEN REAL SUPPORTIVE.
GIVES YOU THE OPPORTUNITY TO SEE

YOU'VE ALL BEEN REAL SUPPORTIVE.
GIVES YOU THE OPPORTUNITY TO SEE
SOME OF THE EQUIPMENT I USE IN

GIVES YOU THE OPPORTUNITY TO SEE
SOME OF THE EQUIPMENT I USE IN
MY BUSINESS...

SOME OF THE EQUIPMENT I USE IN
MY BUSINESS...
AND FOR ME TO TELL YOU A BIT

MY BUSINESS...
AND FOR ME TO TELL YOU A BIT
ABOUT THE CAMPAIGN, HOW I'M

AND FOR ME TO TELL YOU A BIT
ABOUT THE CAMPAIGN, HOW I'M
GONNA RUN IT.

ABOUT THE CAMPAIGN, HOW I'M
GONNA RUN IT.
IT'S GONNA BE TOUGH.

GONNA RUN IT.
IT'S GONNA BE TOUGH.
I'M GONNA BE AWAY FROM MY FAMILY

IT'S GONNA BE TOUGH.
I'M GONNA BE AWAY FROM MY FAMILY
AND ALL OF YOU, BUT I KNOW I CAN

I'M GONNA BE AWAY FROM MY FAMILY
AND ALL OF YOU, BUT I KNOW I CAN
DO IT...

AND ALL OF YOU, BUT I KNOW I CAN
DO IT...
'CAUSE I'VE DONE SOME TOUGH

DO IT...
'CAUSE I'VE DONE SOME TOUGH
THINGS IN MY LIFE.

'CAUSE I'VE DONE SOME TOUGH
THINGS IN MY LIFE.
I'M A NAVY MAN, A BUSINESSMAN, A

THINGS IN MY LIFE.
I'M A NAVY MAN, A BUSINESSMAN, A
FARMER, A POLITICIAN, A FATHER,

I'M A NAVY MAN, A BUSINESSMAN, A
FARMER, A POLITICIAN, A FATHER,
AND A GOVERNOR.

FARMER, A POLITICIAN, A FATHER,
AND A GOVERNOR.
AND ALL THESE THINGS MAKE ME AN

AND A GOVERNOR.
AND ALL THESE THINGS MAKE ME AN
AGGRESSIVE BAPTIST.

AND ALL THESE THINGS MAKE ME AN
AGGRESSIVE BAPTIST.
BUT I ADMIT IT... AND THAT'S

AGGRESSIVE BAPTIST.
BUT I ADMIT IT... AND THAT'S
EXACTLY WHAT I'M GONNA DO IN

BUT I ADMIT IT... AND THAT'S
EXACTLY WHAT I'M GONNA DO IN
REGARD TO MY CAMPAIGN.

EXACTLY WHAT I'M GONNA DO IN
REGARD TO MY CAMPAIGN.
I WANT YOU ALL TO KNOW...

REGARD TO MY CAMPAIGN.
I WANT YOU ALL TO KNOW...
EXACTLY HOW...

I WANT YOU ALL TO KNOW...
EXACTLY HOW...
I'M GONNA CONDUCT MYSELF.

EXACTLY HOW...
I'M GONNA CONDUCT MYSELF.
I'M GONNA MAKE A LOT OF SPEECHES

I'M GONNA CONDUCT MYSELF.
I'M GONNA MAKE A LOT OF SPEECHES
ALL OVER THE COUNTRY.

I'M GONNA MAKE A LOT OF SPEECHES
ALL OVER THE COUNTRY.
WHILE I MAKE THOSE SPEECHES, I'M

ALL OVER THE COUNTRY.
WHILE I MAKE THOSE SPEECHES, I'M
GONNA ESTABLISH SOMETHING

WHILE I MAKE THOSE SPEECHES, I'M
GONNA ESTABLISH SOMETHING
EVERYWHERE I TALK.

GONNA ESTABLISH SOMETHING
EVERYWHERE I TALK.
AND THAT SOMETHING IS...

EVERYWHERE I TALK.
AND THAT SOMETHING IS...
EYE CONTACT.

AND THAT SOMETHING IS...
EYE CONTACT.
EVERYWHERE I GO, BE IT A ROOM OF

EYE CONTACT.
EVERYWHERE I GO, BE IT A ROOM OF
50 OR A ROOM OF 5,000, I'M GONNA

EVERYWHERE I GO, BE IT A ROOM OF
50 OR A ROOM OF 5,000, I'M GONNA
SWEEP THE ROOM WITH MY EYES LIKE

50 OR A ROOM OF 5,000, I'M GONNA
SWEEP THE ROOM WITH MY EYES LIKE
I ALWAYS DO, JUST LIKE THIS.

SWEEP THE ROOM WITH MY EYES LIKE
I ALWAYS DO, JUST LIKE THIS.
AND I'M GONNA MAKE EYE CONTACT.

I ALWAYS DO, JUST LIKE THIS.
AND I'M GONNA MAKE EYE CONTACT.
ANOTHER THING I'M GONNA DO WHEN

AND I'M GONNA MAKE EYE CONTACT.
ANOTHER THING I'M GONNA DO WHEN
I'M SPEAKING... I'M GONNA SPEAK

ANOTHER THING I'M GONNA DO WHEN
I'M SPEAKING... I'M GONNA SPEAK
OUT FOR JUSTICE, CHANGE, FOR

I'M SPEAKING... I'M GONNA SPEAK
OUT FOR JUSTICE, CHANGE, FOR
GROWTH... I'M GONNA...

OUT FOR JUSTICE, CHANGE, FOR
GROWTH... I'M GONNA...
PAUSE A LOT...

GROWTH... I'M GONNA...
PAUSE A LOT...
JUST LIKE THIS.

PAUSE A LOT...
JUST LIKE THIS.
PAUSE... TALK TO YOU.

JUST LIKE THIS.
PAUSE... TALK TO YOU.
AND WHILE I PAUSE...

PAUSE... TALK TO YOU.
AND WHILE I PAUSE...
I'M GONNA MAKE EYE CONTACT.

AND WHILE I PAUSE...
I'M GONNA MAKE EYE CONTACT.
YOU KNOW, I LIKE TO QUOTE

I'M GONNA MAKE EYE CONTACT.
YOU KNOW, I LIKE TO QUOTE
BOB DYLAN.

YOU KNOW, I LIKE TO QUOTE
BOB DYLAN.
AND HE SAID SOMETHING I THINK

BOB DYLAN.
AND HE SAID SOMETHING I THINK
MEANS A LOT TO AMERICANS.

AND HE SAID SOMETHING I THINK
MEANS A LOT TO AMERICANS.
AND THAT IS...

MEANS A LOT TO AMERICANS.
AND THAT IS...
"YOU SHOULD NOT FEEL SO ALL

AND THAT IS...
"YOU SHOULD NOT FEEL SO ALL
ALONE.

"YOU SHOULD NOT FEEL SO ALL
ALONE.
EVERYBODY MUST GET STONED."

THANK YOU.
AND NEXT ARE FOLK THAT I
ESPECIALLY ASKED FOR 'CAUSE I

AND NEXT ARE FOLK THAT I
ESPECIALLY ASKED FOR 'CAUSE I
LOVE THEM.

ESPECIALLY ASKED FOR 'CAUSE I
LOVE THEM.
THEY CAME ALL THE WAY FROM

LOVE THEM.
THEY CAME ALL THE WAY FROM
NEW ORLEANS.

THEY CAME ALL THE WAY FROM
NEW ORLEANS.
THEY'RE THE PRESERVATION HALL

NEW ORLEANS.
THEY'RE THE PRESERVATION HALL
JAZZ BAND, AND THEY'RE GREAT.

THEY'RE THE PRESERVATION HALL
JAZZ BAND, AND THEY'RE GREAT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

JAZZ BAND, AND THEY'RE GREAT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS]

[APPLAUSE]

[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

HI!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I KNOW I'M...

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I KNOW I'M...
I'M KIND OF LATE.

I KNOW I'M...
I'M KIND OF LATE.
BUT I HAD A FEW THINGS TO RINSE

I'M KIND OF LATE.
BUT I HAD A FEW THINGS TO RINSE
OUT, SO I'M GONNA JUST SIT HERE

BUT I HAD A FEW THINGS TO RINSE
OUT, SO I'M GONNA JUST SIT HERE
AND PUT MY SHOES ON.

OUT, SO I'M GONNA JUST SIT HERE
AND PUT MY SHOES ON.
WRONG FOOT.

AND PUT MY SHOES ON.
WRONG FOOT.
SO, HERE I AM.

WRONG FOOT.
SO, HERE I AM.
I'M PUTTING MY SHOES ON IN FRONT

SO, HERE I AM.
I'M PUTTING MY SHOES ON IN FRONT
OF 22 MILLION PEOPLE AT ABOUT

I'M PUTTING MY SHOES ON IN FRONT
OF 22 MILLION PEOPLE AT ABOUT
1:30 IN THE MORNING... SOMETHING

OF 22 MILLION PEOPLE AT ABOUT
1:30 IN THE MORNING... SOMETHING
YOU SEE EVERY DAY.

1:30 IN THE MORNING... SOMETHING
YOU SEE EVERY DAY.
I'M EXHAUSTED.

YOU SEE EVERY DAY.
I'M EXHAUSTED.
BUT, YOU KNOW... OW.

I'M EXHAUSTED.
BUT, YOU KNOW... OW.
BUT IT'S FUNNY, YOU KNOW.

BUT, YOU KNOW... OW.
BUT IT'S FUNNY, YOU KNOW.
IT'S NOT LIKE I'M EXHAUSTED... I

BUT IT'S FUNNY, YOU KNOW.
IT'S NOT LIKE I'M EXHAUSTED... I
DON'T MEAN I'M EXHAUSTED FROM

IT'S NOT LIKE I'M EXHAUSTED... I
DON'T MEAN I'M EXHAUSTED FROM
TONIGHT.

DON'T MEAN I'M EXHAUSTED FROM
TONIGHT.
I'M JUST EXHAUSTED FROM THIS

TONIGHT.
I'M JUST EXHAUSTED FROM THIS
YEAR.

I'M JUST EXHAUSTED FROM THIS
YEAR.
I MEAN, GOD, WHAT A YEAR, HUH?

YEAR.
I MEAN, GOD, WHAT A YEAR, HUH?
I MEAN, THIS HAS BEEN THE MOST

I MEAN, GOD, WHAT A YEAR, HUH?
I MEAN, THIS HAS BEEN THE MOST
INCREDIBLE YEAR FOR ME.

I MEAN, THIS HAS BEEN THE MOST
INCREDIBLE YEAR FOR ME.
JUST SO MANY THINGS HAVE

INCREDIBLE YEAR FOR ME.
JUST SO MANY THINGS HAVE
HAPPENED TO ME, YOU KNOW, GREAT

JUST SO MANY THINGS HAVE
HAPPENED TO ME, YOU KNOW, GREAT
AND AWFUL.

HAPPENED TO ME, YOU KNOW, GREAT
AND AWFUL.
HOW IT STARTED... NORMAN LEAR

AND AWFUL.
HOW IT STARTED... NORMAN LEAR
CALLED ME UP A YEAR AGO, AND HE

HOW IT STARTED... NORMAN LEAR
CALLED ME UP A YEAR AGO, AND HE
SAID TO ME, "I GOT THIS PART FOR

CALLED ME UP A YEAR AGO, AND HE
SAID TO ME, "I GOT THIS PART FOR
YOU YOU'RE GONNA HATE."

SAID TO ME, "I GOT THIS PART FOR
YOU YOU'RE GONNA HATE."
AND HE SAID, "YOU WANT IT?"

YOU YOU'RE GONNA HATE."
AND HE SAID, "YOU WANT IT?"
SO I SAID, "NO."

AND HE SAID, "YOU WANT IT?"
SO I SAID, "NO."
I MEAN, I'M NOT THAT STUPID, YOU

SO I SAID, "NO."
I MEAN, I'M NOT THAT STUPID, YOU
KNOW.

I MEAN, I'M NOT THAT STUPID, YOU
KNOW.
SO, THEN HE SENT ME FLOWERS, AND

KNOW.
SO, THEN HE SENT ME FLOWERS, AND
I SAID OKAY.

SO, THEN HE SENT ME FLOWERS, AND
I SAID OKAY.
I SAID, "WHAT'S THE PART?"

I SAID OKAY.
I SAID, "WHAT'S THE PART?"
HE SAID, "MARY."

I SAID, "WHAT'S THE PART?"
HE SAID, "MARY."
♪ MARY, PLAIN AS ANY NAME CAN

HE SAID, "MARY."
♪ MARY, PLAIN AS ANY NAME CAN
BE ♪

♪ MARY, PLAIN AS ANY NAME CAN
BE ♪
SO, WE STARTED INTO PRODUCTION,

BE ♪
SO, WE STARTED INTO PRODUCTION,
AND PEOPLE SEEMED TO LIKE THE

SO, WE STARTED INTO PRODUCTION,
AND PEOPLE SEEMED TO LIKE THE
SHOW, YOU KNOW?

AND PEOPLE SEEMED TO LIKE THE
SHOW, YOU KNOW?
PEOPLE WOULD SEE ME IN THE

SHOW, YOU KNOW?
PEOPLE WOULD SEE ME IN THE
STREET, AND THEY WOULD COME

PEOPLE WOULD SEE ME IN THE
STREET, AND THEY WOULD COME
OVER, AND THEY WOULD KISS ME,

STREET, AND THEY WOULD COME
OVER, AND THEY WOULD KISS ME,
AND THEY WOULD HUG ME.

OVER, AND THEY WOULD KISS ME,
AND THEY WOULD HUG ME.
AND THEN THEY BEGAN TO COME TO

AND THEY WOULD HUG ME.
AND THEN THEY BEGAN TO COME TO
MY HOUSE.

AND THEN THEY BEGAN TO COME TO
MY HOUSE.
AND THEN THEY BEGAN TO COME TO

MY HOUSE.
AND THEN THEY BEGAN TO COME TO
MY HOUSE IN CARS AND THEN BEGAN

AND THEN THEY BEGAN TO COME TO
MY HOUSE IN CARS AND THEN BEGAN
TO COME TO MY HOUSE IN BUSES

MY HOUSE IN CARS AND THEN BEGAN
TO COME TO MY HOUSE IN BUSES
THAT PARKED ON MY LAWN.

TO COME TO MY HOUSE IN BUSES
THAT PARKED ON MY LAWN.
AND THIS WASN'T QUITE AS NICE AS

THAT PARKED ON MY LAWN.
AND THIS WASN'T QUITE AS NICE AS
THE KISSING AND HUGGING PART.

AND THIS WASN'T QUITE AS NICE AS
THE KISSING AND HUGGING PART.
SO, FINALLY, I CALLED THIS

THE KISSING AND HUGGING PART.
SO, FINALLY, I CALLED THIS
FRIEND THAT I'D HIRED TO GUARD

SO, FINALLY, I CALLED THIS
FRIEND THAT I'D HIRED TO GUARD
AND LIVE IN MY HOUSE BECAUSE

FRIEND THAT I'D HIRED TO GUARD
AND LIVE IN MY HOUSE BECAUSE
THERE WERE JUST SO MANY PEOPLE

AND LIVE IN MY HOUSE BECAUSE
THERE WERE JUST SO MANY PEOPLE
VISITING ME THAT... NOT THAT I

THERE WERE JUST SO MANY PEOPLE
VISITING ME THAT... NOT THAT I
WASN'T GRATEFUL.

VISITING ME THAT... NOT THAT I
WASN'T GRATEFUL.
BUT ANYWAY, I CALLED HIM, AND I

WASN'T GRATEFUL.
BUT ANYWAY, I CALLED HIM, AND I
SAID, "LISTEN, I'M REALLY TIRED

BUT ANYWAY, I CALLED HIM, AND I
SAID, "LISTEN, I'M REALLY TIRED
OF PEOPLE ASKING WHERE THEY CAN

SAID, "LISTEN, I'M REALLY TIRED
OF PEOPLE ASKING WHERE THEY CAN
GET ORANGEADE AND THEN GETTING

OF PEOPLE ASKING WHERE THEY CAN
GET ORANGEADE AND THEN GETTING
IT FOR THEM."

GET ORANGEADE AND THEN GETTING
IT FOR THEM."
SO, HE SAID, "FINE."

IT FOR THEM."
SO, HE SAID, "FINE."
AND THEN THE NEXT DAY, NOT ONLY

SO, HE SAID, "FINE."
AND THEN THE NEXT DAY, NOT ONLY
DID HE MOVE OUT OF MY HOUSE, BUT

AND THEN THE NEXT DAY, NOT ONLY
DID HE MOVE OUT OF MY HOUSE, BUT
HE MOVED MY HOUSE.

DID HE MOVE OUT OF MY HOUSE, BUT
HE MOVED MY HOUSE.
I MEAN, THE MAN STOLE EVERYTHING

HE MOVED MY HOUSE.
I MEAN, THE MAN STOLE EVERYTHING
IN MY HOUSE... I MEAN,

I MEAN, THE MAN STOLE EVERYTHING
IN MY HOUSE... I MEAN,
EVERYTHING.

IN MY HOUSE... I MEAN,
EVERYTHING.
HE STOLE THE FURNITURE, THE

EVERYTHING.
HE STOLE THE FURNITURE, THE
WASHER, THE DRYER.

HE STOLE THE FURNITURE, THE
WASHER, THE DRYER.
IN ONE ROOM, HE ACTUALLY STOLE

WASHER, THE DRYER.
IN ONE ROOM, HE ACTUALLY STOLE
THE WALLPAPER OFF THE WALL...

IN ONE ROOM, HE ACTUALLY STOLE
THE WALLPAPER OFF THE WALL...
WHICH ACTUALLY I FELT SHOWED

THE WALLPAPER OFF THE WALL...
WHICH ACTUALLY I FELT SHOWED
GOOD TASTE ON HIS PART.

WHICH ACTUALLY I FELT SHOWED
GOOD TASTE ON HIS PART.
THIS FRIEND, BY THE WAY, WAS A

GOOD TASTE ON HIS PART.
THIS FRIEND, BY THE WAY, WAS A
VERY BIG FAN OF THE SHOW'S.

THIS FRIEND, BY THE WAY, WAS A
VERY BIG FAN OF THE SHOW'S.
AND I THOUGHT, "DOESN'T HE

VERY BIG FAN OF THE SHOW'S.
AND I THOUGHT, "DOESN'T HE
REALIZE HE'S NOT ROBBING LOUISE?

AND I THOUGHT, "DOESN'T HE
REALIZE HE'S NOT ROBBING LOUISE?
HE'S ROBBING MARY.

REALIZE HE'S NOT ROBBING LOUISE?
HE'S ROBBING MARY.
♪ MARY, PLAIN AS ANY NAME CAN

HE'S ROBBING MARY.
♪ MARY, PLAIN AS ANY NAME CAN
BE ♪

♪ MARY, PLAIN AS ANY NAME CAN
BE ♪
OH!

BE ♪
OH!
AND THEN ONE DAY, I'M IN

OH!
AND THEN ONE DAY, I'M IN
BEVERLY HILLS.

AND THEN ONE DAY, I'M IN
BEVERLY HILLS.
I WENT TO BEVERLY HILLS.

BEVERLY HILLS.
I WENT TO BEVERLY HILLS.
IT WAS MY FRIEND'S BIRTHDAY, AND

I WENT TO BEVERLY HILLS.
IT WAS MY FRIEND'S BIRTHDAY, AND
I DECIDED TO HAVE A SURPRISE

IT WAS MY FRIEND'S BIRTHDAY, AND
I DECIDED TO HAVE A SURPRISE
PARTY FOR HER.

I DECIDED TO HAVE A SURPRISE
PARTY FOR HER.
AND I JUST WANTED TO BUY A GREAT

PARTY FOR HER.
AND I JUST WANTED TO BUY A GREAT
BIRTHDAY PRESENT FOR HER, SO I

AND I JUST WANTED TO BUY A GREAT
BIRTHDAY PRESENT FOR HER, SO I
WENT TO THIS GREAT TOY STORE IN

BIRTHDAY PRESENT FOR HER, SO I
WENT TO THIS GREAT TOY STORE IN
BEVERLY HILLS.

WENT TO THIS GREAT TOY STORE IN
BEVERLY HILLS.
[CHUCKLES]

BEVERLY HILLS.
[CHUCKLES]
WHAT A FABULOUS DOLL'S HOUSE.

[CHUCKLES]
WHAT A FABULOUS DOLL'S HOUSE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WHAT A FABULOUS DOLL'S HOUSE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I MEAN, THERE WAS A ROOM FOR ME

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I MEAN, THERE WAS A ROOM FOR ME
IN THERE, YOU KNOW?

I MEAN, THERE WAS A ROOM FOR ME
IN THERE, YOU KNOW?
IT WAS JUST GREAT.

IN THERE, YOU KNOW?
IT WAS JUST GREAT.
AND THEN, I DON'T KNOW...

IT WAS JUST GREAT.
AND THEN, I DON'T KNOW...
I DIDN'T HAVE ANY OF THE... I

AND THEN, I DON'T KNOW...
I DIDN'T HAVE ANY OF THE... I
DIDN'T HAVE ANY OF THE RIGHT

I DIDN'T HAVE ANY OF THE... I
DIDN'T HAVE ANY OF THE RIGHT
CREDIT CARDS.

DIDN'T HAVE ANY OF THE RIGHT
CREDIT CARDS.
I HAD CREDIT CARDS.

CREDIT CARDS.
I HAD CREDIT CARDS.
I JUST DIDN'T HAVE ANY OF THE

I HAD CREDIT CARDS.
I JUST DIDN'T HAVE ANY OF THE
RIGHT CREDIT CARDS.

I JUST DIDN'T HAVE ANY OF THE
RIGHT CREDIT CARDS.
AND THEY WOULDN'T TAKE A BLANK

RIGHT CREDIT CARDS.
AND THEY WOULDN'T TAKE A BLANK
CHECK, AND THEN THE NEXT THING I

AND THEY WOULDN'T TAKE A BLANK
CHECK, AND THEN THE NEXT THING I
REMEMBER, THERE WERE A LOT OF

CHECK, AND THEN THE NEXT THING I
REMEMBER, THERE WERE A LOT OF
POLICEMEN.

REMEMBER, THERE WERE A LOT OF
POLICEMEN.
AND THEN I WASN'T IN THE TOY

POLICEMEN.
AND THEN I WASN'T IN THE TOY
STORE.

AND THEN I WASN'T IN THE TOY
STORE.
I WAS IN ANOTHER BUILDING... THE

STORE.
I WAS IN ANOTHER BUILDING... THE
MUNICIPAL BUILDING.

I WAS IN ANOTHER BUILDING... THE
MUNICIPAL BUILDING.
IT'S A VERY NICE BUILDING,

MUNICIPAL BUILDING.
IT'S A VERY NICE BUILDING,
ACTUALLY, VERY '30s.

IT'S A VERY NICE BUILDING,
ACTUALLY, VERY '30s.
AND THEY BOOKED ME.

ACTUALLY, VERY '30s.
AND THEY BOOKED ME.
THEY BOOKED MARY.

AND THEY BOOKED ME.
THEY BOOKED MARY.
♪ MARY, PLAIN AS ANY NAME CAN

THEY BOOKED MARY.
♪ MARY, PLAIN AS ANY NAME CAN
BE ♪

♪ MARY, PLAIN AS ANY NAME CAN
BE ♪
♪ BUT WITH PROPRIETY, SOCIETY ♪

BE ♪
♪ BUT WITH PROPRIETY, SOCIETY ♪
OKAY, UM, SO, THE NEXT THING I

♪ BUT WITH PROPRIETY, SOCIETY ♪
OKAY, UM, SO, THE NEXT THING I
KNOW, I'M IN THIS JAIL, AND

OKAY, UM, SO, THE NEXT THING I
KNOW, I'M IN THIS JAIL, AND
THEY'RE QUESTIONING ME.

KNOW, I'M IN THIS JAIL, AND
THEY'RE QUESTIONING ME.
AND THEY TOOK PICTURES OF ME...

THEY'RE QUESTIONING ME.
AND THEY TOOK PICTURES OF ME...
NOT GREAT PICTURES, NOT

AND THEY TOOK PICTURES OF ME...
NOT GREAT PICTURES, NOT
TERRIBLE, THOUGH, I MEAN, NOT

NOT GREAT PICTURES, NOT
TERRIBLE, THOUGH, I MEAN, NOT
GREAT.

TERRIBLE, THOUGH, I MEAN, NOT
GREAT.
I WOULDN'T SENT THEM OUT AS

GREAT.
I WOULDN'T SENT THEM OUT AS
CHRISTMAS CARDS.

I WOULDN'T SENT THEM OUT AS
CHRISTMAS CARDS.
LET'S PUT IT THAT WAY.

CHRISTMAS CARDS.
LET'S PUT IT THAT WAY.
AND I FOUND THAT THEY WERE LESS

LET'S PUT IT THAT WAY.
AND I FOUND THAT THEY WERE LESS
INTERESTED IN AUTOGRAPHS THAN

AND I FOUND THAT THEY WERE LESS
INTERESTED IN AUTOGRAPHS THAN
THEY WERE IN FINGERPRINTS, BUT I

INTERESTED IN AUTOGRAPHS THAN
THEY WERE IN FINGERPRINTS, BUT I
WAS VERY GOOD AT FINGERPRINTS,

THEY WERE IN FINGERPRINTS, BUT I
WAS VERY GOOD AT FINGERPRINTS,
REALLY GOOD.

WAS VERY GOOD AT FINGERPRINTS,
REALLY GOOD.
AND THERE IS A TRICK TO HOW YOU

REALLY GOOD.
AND THERE IS A TRICK TO HOW YOU
DO FINGERPRINTS.

AND THERE IS A TRICK TO HOW YOU
DO FINGERPRINTS.
WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO IS YOU JUST

DO FINGERPRINTS.
WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO IS YOU JUST
HAVE TO LOB YOUR FINGER INTO

WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO IS YOU JUST
HAVE TO LOB YOUR FINGER INTO
THAT INK, AND YOU JUST FOLLOW

HAVE TO LOB YOUR FINGER INTO
THAT INK, AND YOU JUST FOLLOW
THROUGH.

THAT INK, AND YOU JUST FOLLOW
THROUGH.
AND I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, "WAIT A

THROUGH.
AND I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, "WAIT A
MINUTE.

AND I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, "WAIT A
MINUTE.
THESE ARE MY FINGERPRINTS, BUT

MINUTE.
THESE ARE MY FINGERPRINTS, BUT
THEY ALSO BELONG TO MARY."

THESE ARE MY FINGERPRINTS, BUT
THEY ALSO BELONG TO MARY."
♪ MARY, LONG BEFORE THE FASHION

THEY ALSO BELONG TO MARY."
♪ MARY, LONG BEFORE THE FASHION
CAME ♪

♪ MARY, LONG BEFORE THE FASHION
CAME ♪
SO, THEN THEY THREW ME INTO THIS

CAME ♪
SO, THEN THEY THREW ME INTO THIS
JAIL CELL.

SO, THEN THEY THREW ME INTO THIS
JAIL CELL.
AND I GOT REAL SCARED THEN.

JAIL CELL.
AND I GOT REAL SCARED THEN.
AND I SAID, "PLEASE DON'T LET ME

AND I GOT REAL SCARED THEN.
AND I SAID, "PLEASE DON'T LET ME
BE IN A CELL ALL ALONE.

AND I SAID, "PLEASE DON'T LET ME
BE IN A CELL ALL ALONE.
DON'T LET ME BE IN A CELL ALL

BE IN A CELL ALL ALONE.
DON'T LET ME BE IN A CELL ALL
ALONE."

DON'T LET ME BE IN A CELL ALL
ALONE."
SO WHAT THEY DID WAS THEY STUCK

ALONE."
SO WHAT THEY DID WAS THEY STUCK
ME IN A DIFFERENT CELL, WHICH I

SO WHAT THEY DID WAS THEY STUCK
ME IN A DIFFERENT CELL, WHICH I
THOUGHT WAS REAL NICE OF THEM,

ME IN A DIFFERENT CELL, WHICH I
THOUGHT WAS REAL NICE OF THEM,
YOU KNOW?

THOUGHT WAS REAL NICE OF THEM,
YOU KNOW?
THAT WAS REAL NICE.

YOU KNOW?
THAT WAS REAL NICE.
THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT.

THAT WAS REAL NICE.
THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT.
THEY STUCK ME IN A DIFFERENT

THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT.
THEY STUCK ME IN A DIFFERENT
KIND OF CELL.

THEY STUCK ME IN A DIFFERENT
KIND OF CELL.
THIS ONE HAD KILLERS AND HOOKERS

KIND OF CELL.
THIS ONE HAD KILLERS AND HOOKERS
AND RAPISTS... YOU KNOW, MY KIND

THIS ONE HAD KILLERS AND HOOKERS
AND RAPISTS... YOU KNOW, MY KIND
OF PEOPLE, YOUR KIND OF PEOPLE,

AND RAPISTS... YOU KNOW, MY KIND
OF PEOPLE, YOUR KIND OF PEOPLE,
OUR KIND OF PEOPLE.

OF PEOPLE, YOUR KIND OF PEOPLE,
OUR KIND OF PEOPLE.
SO I SPOKE TO ONE OF THE HOOKERS

OUR KIND OF PEOPLE.
SO I SPOKE TO ONE OF THE HOOKERS
WHO GOT ARRESTED FOR HOOKING AT

SO I SPOKE TO ONE OF THE HOOKERS
WHO GOT ARRESTED FOR HOOKING AT
THE HILTON.

WHO GOT ARRESTED FOR HOOKING AT
THE HILTON.
AND I SAID TO HER, "WHEN YOU GET

THE HILTON.
AND I SAID TO HER, "WHEN YOU GET
OUT OF HERE, ARE YOU EVER GONNA

AND I SAID TO HER, "WHEN YOU GET
OUT OF HERE, ARE YOU EVER GONNA
DO IT AGAIN?"

OUT OF HERE, ARE YOU EVER GONNA
DO IT AGAIN?"
SHE SAID, "NOT AT THE HILTON."

DO IT AGAIN?"
SHE SAID, "NOT AT THE HILTON."
SO, THEN SHE LOOKED ME UP AND

SHE SAID, "NOT AT THE HILTON."
SO, THEN SHE LOOKED ME UP AND
DOWN.

SO, THEN SHE LOOKED ME UP AND
DOWN.
AND SHE SAID, "BUT WHY YOU?"

DOWN.
AND SHE SAID, "BUT WHY YOU?"
SHE SAID, "DON'T YOU MAKE ENOUGH

AND SHE SAID, "BUT WHY YOU?"
SHE SAID, "DON'T YOU MAKE ENOUGH
MONEY PLAYING MARY?"

SHE SAID, "DON'T YOU MAKE ENOUGH
MONEY PLAYING MARY?"
♪ MARY ♪

MONEY PLAYING MARY?"
♪ MARY ♪
SO, THEN I GOT SPRUNG, AND, AS

♪ MARY ♪
SO, THEN I GOT SPRUNG, AND, AS
WE SAY IN THE UNDERWORLD, I

SO, THEN I GOT SPRUNG, AND, AS
WE SAY IN THE UNDERWORLD, I
FOUND I HAD GOTTEN A HUGE AMOUNT

WE SAY IN THE UNDERWORLD, I
FOUND I HAD GOTTEN A HUGE AMOUNT
OF PUBLICITY, BUT I MEAN HUGE.

FOUND I HAD GOTTEN A HUGE AMOUNT
OF PUBLICITY, BUT I MEAN HUGE.
I MEAN, I DON'T JUST MEAN

OF PUBLICITY, BUT I MEAN HUGE.
I MEAN, I DON'T JUST MEAN
MAGAZINE COVERS.

I MEAN, I DON'T JUST MEAN
MAGAZINE COVERS.
I MEAN CHANNELS 2 THROUGH 13 AT

MAGAZINE COVERS.
I MEAN CHANNELS 2 THROUGH 13 AT
6:00, 11:00, AND RIGHT BEFORE

I MEAN CHANNELS 2 THROUGH 13 AT
6:00, 11:00, AND RIGHT BEFORE
THEY PLAY THE NATIONAL ANTHEM.

6:00, 11:00, AND RIGHT BEFORE
THEY PLAY THE NATIONAL ANTHEM.
THIS IS THEY WAY IT WENT.

THEY PLAY THE NATIONAL ANTHEM.
THIS IS THEY WAY IT WENT.
IT WAS MURDERS, WARS, ME, "OH,

THIS IS THEY WAY IT WENT.
IT WAS MURDERS, WARS, ME, "OH,
SAY, CAN YOU SEE," EVERY NIGHT.

IT WAS MURDERS, WARS, ME, "OH,
SAY, CAN YOU SEE," EVERY NIGHT.
SO, WHAT HAPPENED WAS TO PROTECT

SAY, CAN YOU SEE," EVERY NIGHT.
SO, WHAT HAPPENED WAS TO PROTECT
ME, THE SHOW RENTED A HOUSE FOR

SO, WHAT HAPPENED WAS TO PROTECT
ME, THE SHOW RENTED A HOUSE FOR
ME.

ME, THE SHOW RENTED A HOUSE FOR
ME.
AND ALSO TO PROTECT ME, WHAT I

ME.
AND ALSO TO PROTECT ME, WHAT I
HAD TO DO WAS I HAD TO GO TO

AND ALSO TO PROTECT ME, WHAT I
HAD TO DO WAS I HAD TO GO TO
WORK LYING IN THE BACKSEAT OF A

HAD TO DO WAS I HAD TO GO TO
WORK LYING IN THE BACKSEAT OF A
STATION WAGON UNDER A BLANKET

WORK LYING IN THE BACKSEAT OF A
STATION WAGON UNDER A BLANKET
FOR A MONTH STRAIGHT...

STATION WAGON UNDER A BLANKET
FOR A MONTH STRAIGHT...
JUST LIKE BARBRA STREISAND,

FOR A MONTH STRAIGHT...
JUST LIKE BARBRA STREISAND,
JACK NICHOLSON.

JUST LIKE BARBRA STREISAND,
JACK NICHOLSON.
ALL THE BIG STARS DO IT THAT

JACK NICHOLSON.
ALL THE BIG STARS DO IT THAT
WAY.

ALL THE BIG STARS DO IT THAT
WAY.
[CHUCKLES]

WAY.
[CHUCKLES]
BUT AT LEAST I HAD MY NEW

[CHUCKLES]
BUT AT LEAST I HAD MY NEW
HOUSE...

BUT AT LEAST I HAD MY NEW
HOUSE...
TILL I GOT ROBBED IN A NEW WAY.

HOUSE...
TILL I GOT ROBBED IN A NEW WAY.
THIS TIME, HE STOLE EVERYTHING

TILL I GOT ROBBED IN A NEW WAY.
THIS TIME, HE STOLE EVERYTHING
BUT THE TV.

THIS TIME, HE STOLE EVERYTHING
BUT THE TV.
SO THAT NIGHT I COULD WATCH

BUT THE TV.
SO THAT NIGHT I COULD WATCH
EXACTLY HOW HE ROBBED ME.

SO THAT NIGHT I COULD WATCH
EXACTLY HOW HE ROBBED ME.
I WATCHED IT ON THE LATE NEWS,

EXACTLY HOW HE ROBBED ME.
I WATCHED IT ON THE LATE NEWS,
FOLLOWED, OF COURSE, BY "THE

I WATCHED IT ON THE LATE NEWS,
FOLLOWED, OF COURSE, BY "THE
STAR-SPANGLED BANNER," ONE OF

FOLLOWED, OF COURSE, BY "THE
STAR-SPANGLED BANNER," ONE OF
THE FEW THINGS I STILL HAD TO

STAR-SPANGLED BANNER," ONE OF
THE FEW THINGS I STILL HAD TO
LOOK FORWARD TO.

THE FEW THINGS I STILL HAD TO
LOOK FORWARD TO.
AND, OF COURSE, I COULD WATCH

LOOK FORWARD TO.
AND, OF COURSE, I COULD WATCH
MARY.

AND, OF COURSE, I COULD WATCH
MARY.
♪ MARY, PLAIN AS ANY NAME CAN

MARY.
♪ MARY, PLAIN AS ANY NAME CAN
BE ♪

♪ MARY, PLAIN AS ANY NAME CAN
BE ♪
♪ BUT WITH...

BE ♪
♪ BUT WITH...
PROPRIETY ♪

♪ BUT WITH...
PROPRIETY ♪
SO, THAT WAS MY YEAR, PRETTY

PROPRIETY ♪
SO, THAT WAS MY YEAR, PRETTY
MUCH, YOU KNOW... IT WAS JUST

SO, THAT WAS MY YEAR, PRETTY
MUCH, YOU KNOW... IT WAS JUST
YOUR RANDOM ROBBERIES, ARRESTS,

MUCH, YOU KNOW... IT WAS JUST
YOUR RANDOM ROBBERIES, ARRESTS,
AND STARDOM.

YOUR RANDOM ROBBERIES, ARRESTS,
AND STARDOM.
AND I THINK, "WHY?"

AND STARDOM.
AND I THINK, "WHY?"
I MEAN, WHY DID ALL THIS HAPPEN?

AND I THINK, "WHY?"
I MEAN, WHY DID ALL THIS HAPPEN?
AND THEN I REMEMBER IT'S...

I MEAN, WHY DID ALL THIS HAPPEN?
AND THEN I REMEMBER IT'S...
IT'S BECAUSE OF MARY.

AND THEN I REMEMBER IT'S...
IT'S BECAUSE OF MARY.
I MEAN, THAT'S MARY WHO MADE ME

IT'S BECAUSE OF MARY.
I MEAN, THAT'S MARY WHO MADE ME
RICH, FAMOUS, AND A KNOWN

I MEAN, THAT'S MARY WHO MADE ME
RICH, FAMOUS, AND A KNOWN
CRIMINAL...

RICH, FAMOUS, AND A KNOWN
CRIMINAL...
WHO PUT MY FACE ON THE COVER

CRIMINAL...
WHO PUT MY FACE ON THE COVER
OF ROLLING STONE, MS., PEOPLE,

WHO PUT MY FACE ON THE COVER
OF ROLLING STONE, MS., PEOPLE,
NEWSWEEK, AND CRIME GAZETTE.

OF ROLLING STONE, MS., PEOPLE,
NEWSWEEK, AND CRIME GAZETTE.
LISTEN, SHE HASN'T BEEN EASY TO

NEWSWEEK, AND CRIME GAZETTE.
LISTEN, SHE HASN'T BEEN EASY TO
LIVE WITH, BUT SHE'S OKAY.

LISTEN, SHE HASN'T BEEN EASY TO
LIVE WITH, BUT SHE'S OKAY.
BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS IF IT

LIVE WITH, BUT SHE'S OKAY.
BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS IF IT
WASN'T FOR MARY...

BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS IF IT
WASN'T FOR MARY...
YOU NEVER WOULD HAVE WATCHED

WASN'T FOR MARY...
YOU NEVER WOULD HAVE WATCHED
LOUISE PUT HER SHOES ON.

YOU NEVER WOULD HAVE WATCHED
LOUISE PUT HER SHOES ON.
I LIKE HER.

LOUISE PUT HER SHOES ON.
I LIKE HER.
I REALLY LIKE HER.

THANK YOU SO MUCH, AND I WOULD
JUST LIKE TO TAKE A SECOND TO
THANK MICHAEL SARRAZIN FOR BEING

JUST LIKE TO TAKE A SECOND TO
THANK MICHAEL SARRAZIN FOR BEING
IN MY MOVIE.

THANK MICHAEL SARRAZIN FOR BEING
IN MY MOVIE.
AND I'D LIKE TO THANK THE

IN MY MOVIE.
AND I'D LIKE TO THANK THE
PRESERVATION HALL JAZZ BAND.

AND I'D LIKE TO THANK THE
PRESERVATION HALL JAZZ BAND.
AND I'D LIKE TO THANK MAGGIE

PRESERVATION HALL JAZZ BAND.
AND I'D LIKE TO THANK MAGGIE
HERE.

AND I'D LIKE TO THANK MAGGIE
HERE.
AND... AND LOOK AT THEM.

HERE.
AND... AND LOOK AT THEM.
WHAT CAN I TELL YOU?

AND... AND LOOK AT THEM.
WHAT CAN I TELL YOU?
THANK YOU, EVERYONE, REALLY.

WHAT CAN I TELL YOU?
THANK YOU, EVERYONE, REALLY.
THANK YOU.

THANK YOU, EVERYONE, REALLY.
THANK YOU.
[APPLAUSE]

Announcer: NEXT WEEK'S HOST

ON "SATURDAY NIGHT" WILL BE

KRIS KRISTOFFERSON WITH GUEST

RITA COOLIDGE.

THE TEMPERATURE IN NEW YORK IS

79.5 DEGREES, AND IN YOUR

ANNOUNCER, DON PARDO, IT'S 98.6

AND THEY KEEP TELLING ME I'M

NOT NORMAL.

TUNE IN NEXT WEEK OR I'LL BLOW

UP IN CHICAGO.

GOOD NIGHT.