Saturday Night Live (1975–…): Season 1, Episode 21 - Buck Henry/Gordon Lightfoot - full transcript

UH, GOOD EVENING, EVERYBODY.
I'M AFRAID I HAVE SOME
DISHEARTENING NEWS FOR SOME OF

I'M AFRAID I HAVE SOME
DISHEARTENING NEWS FOR SOME OF
YOU.

DISHEARTENING NEWS FOR SOME OF
YOU.
UH, UNFORTUNATELY, I SERIOUSLY

YOU.
UH, UNFORTUNATELY, I SERIOUSLY
INJURED MY LEG EARLIER THIS WEEK

UH, UNFORTUNATELY, I SERIOUSLY
INJURED MY LEG EARLIER THIS WEEK
ACCEPTING AN EMMY AWARD.

INJURED MY LEG EARLIER THIS WEEK
ACCEPTING AN EMMY AWARD.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

ACCEPTING AN EMMY AWARD.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
AND IT MAY BE BROKEN.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
AND IT MAY BE BROKEN.
I HAVEN'T HAD IT X-RAYED YET,

AND IT MAY BE BROKEN.
I HAVEN'T HAD IT X-RAYED YET,
BUT...

I HAVEN'T HAD IT X-RAYED YET,
BUT...
ACTUALLY, I HAVE HAD IT X-RAYED.

BUT...
ACTUALLY, I HAVE HAD IT X-RAYED.
I HAVEN'T SEEN THE X-RAYS.



ACTUALLY, I HAVE HAD IT X-RAYED.
I HAVEN'T SEEN THE X-RAYS.
ANYWAY, OBVIOUSLY, I CAN'T DO A

I HAVEN'T SEEN THE X-RAYS.
ANYWAY, OBVIOUSLY, I CAN'T DO A
FALL FOR YOU, AND I WANTED TO DO

ANYWAY, OBVIOUSLY, I CAN'T DO A
FALL FOR YOU, AND I WANTED TO DO
THE OPENING FALL.

FALL FOR YOU, AND I WANTED TO DO
THE OPENING FALL.
HOWEVER, LARAINE NEWMAN, ONE OF

THE OPENING FALL.
HOWEVER, LARAINE NEWMAN, ONE OF
THE NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME

HOWEVER, LARAINE NEWMAN, ONE OF
THE NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME
PLAYERS, HAS VERY GRACIOUSLY

THE NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME
PLAYERS, HAS VERY GRACIOUSLY
CONSENTED TO DO THE FALL

PLAYERS, HAS VERY GRACIOUSLY
CONSENTED TO DO THE FALL
INSTEAD.

CONSENTED TO DO THE FALL
INSTEAD.
SHE'S GONNA FALL OVER THE TABLE

INSTEAD.
SHE'S GONNA FALL OVER THE TABLE
TO MY RIGHT.

SHE'S GONNA FALL OVER THE TABLE
TO MY RIGHT.
I SAY "GRACIOUS" BECAUSE THE

TO MY RIGHT.
I SAY "GRACIOUS" BECAUSE THE
ENTIRE SHOW, THE ENTIRE STAFF OF

I SAY "GRACIOUS" BECAUSE THE
ENTIRE SHOW, THE ENTIRE STAFF OF
THE SHOW, HAS BEEN VERY, REALLY

ENTIRE SHOW, THE ENTIRE STAFF OF
THE SHOW, HAS BEEN VERY, REALLY
TERRIFIC ABOUT MY WINNING THE



THE SHOW, HAS BEEN VERY, REALLY
TERRIFIC ABOUT MY WINNING THE
EMMY.

TERRIFIC ABOUT MY WINNING THE
EMMY.
THANK YOU AGAIN.

EMMY.
THANK YOU AGAIN.
THERE HAS BEEN NO ENMITY, NO

THANK YOU AGAIN.
THERE HAS BEEN NO ENMITY, NO
HOSTILITY, NO JEALOUSY.

THERE HAS BEEN NO ENMITY, NO
HOSTILITY, NO JEALOUSY.
THEY'VE JUST BEEN VERY WARM AND

HOSTILITY, NO JEALOUSY.
THEY'VE JUST BEEN VERY WARM AND
NATURAL AND CONGRATULATED ME.

THEY'VE JUST BEEN VERY WARM AND
NATURAL AND CONGRATULATED ME.
AND I MUST SAY EVEN LARAINE, WHO

NATURAL AND CONGRATULATED ME.
AND I MUST SAY EVEN LARAINE, WHO
I, AT TIMES, THOUGHT DIDN'T

AND I MUST SAY EVEN LARAINE, WHO
I, AT TIMES, THOUGHT DIDN'T
MAYBE EVEN LIKE ME THAT MUCH,

I, AT TIMES, THOUGHT DIDN'T
MAYBE EVEN LIKE ME THAT MUCH,
HAS ACTUALLY VOLUNTEERED AND

MAYBE EVEN LIKE ME THAT MUCH,
HAS ACTUALLY VOLUNTEERED AND
CONSENTED TO COME AND DO THE

HAS ACTUALLY VOLUNTEERED AND
CONSENTED TO COME AND DO THE
FALL, AND I... SOME KIND OF

CONSENTED TO COME AND DO THE
FALL, AND I... SOME KIND OF
PRATFALL.

FALL, AND I... SOME KIND OF
PRATFALL.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'LL BE.

PRATFALL.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'LL BE.
IT WON'T BE AS GOOD AS MY FALLS.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'LL BE.
IT WON'T BE AS GOOD AS MY FALLS.
BUT THAT'S NOT HER FAULT.

IT WON'T BE AS GOOD AS MY FALLS.
BUT THAT'S NOT HER FAULT.
SHE'S NOT TRAINED AT THAT.

BUT THAT'S NOT HER FAULT.
SHE'S NOT TRAINED AT THAT.
SHE'S A MIME, I BELIEVE, AND

SHE'S NOT TRAINED AT THAT.
SHE'S A MIME, I BELIEVE, AND
SHE'S A WOMAN.

SHE'S A MIME, I BELIEVE, AND
SHE'S A WOMAN.
OF COURSE, WOMEN ARE CLEARLY NOT

SHE'S A WOMAN.
OF COURSE, WOMEN ARE CLEARLY NOT
BUILT THAT WAY.

OF COURSE, WOMEN ARE CLEARLY NOT
BUILT THAT WAY.
THEY'RE NOT BUILT FOR PHYSICAL

BUILT THAT WAY.
THEY'RE NOT BUILT FOR PHYSICAL
SCHTICK OR PHYSICAL FALLING AND

THEY'RE NOT BUILT FOR PHYSICAL
SCHTICK OR PHYSICAL FALLING AND
THAT KIND OF STUFF... PHYSICAL

SCHTICK OR PHYSICAL FALLING AND
THAT KIND OF STUFF... PHYSICAL
COMEDY.

THAT KIND OF STUFF... PHYSICAL
COMEDY.
SO, I UNDERSTAND THE HISSING AND

COMEDY.
SO, I UNDERSTAND THE HISSING AND
ALL THAT.

SO, I UNDERSTAND THE HISSING AND
ALL THAT.
IT'S JUST A FACT.

ALL THAT.
IT'S JUST A FACT.
THEY'RE JUST NOT BUILT.

IT'S JUST A FACT.
THEY'RE JUST NOT BUILT.
SO, AS I SAY, ANYWAY, SHE

THEY'RE JUST NOT BUILT.
SO, AS I SAY, ANYWAY, SHE
PROBABLY WON'T DO AS WELL AS ME,

SO, AS I SAY, ANYWAY, SHE
PROBABLY WON'T DO AS WELL AS ME,
THE WINNER.

PROBABLY WON'T DO AS WELL AS ME,
THE WINNER.
BUT SHE'S GONNA GIVE IT HER ALL,

THE WINNER.
BUT SHE'S GONNA GIVE IT HER ALL,
I IMAGINE.

BUT SHE'S GONNA GIVE IT HER ALL,
I IMAGINE.
AND, WELL, WHY DON'T YOU GIVE IT

I IMAGINE.
AND, WELL, WHY DON'T YOU GIVE IT
A SHOT, LARAINE?

AND, WELL, WHY DON'T YOU GIVE IT
A SHOT, LARAINE?
THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN.

A SHOT, LARAINE?
THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN.
THANK YOU FOR THIS

THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN.
THANK YOU FOR THIS
OPPORTUNITY, CHEVY.

THANK YOU FOR THIS
OPPORTUNITY, CHEVY.
OH, YOU'RE WELCOME.

LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
[BAND PLAYS]

Announcer: STARRING...
WITH HIS GUEST...
IMPRESSIONIST...

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
BUCK HENRY!

WHAT? YEAH?
BUCK'S NOT HERE.
BUCK'S NOT HERE?

BUCK'S NOT HERE.
BUCK'S NOT HERE?
BUCK'S NOT HERE.

BUCK'S NOT HERE?
BUCK'S NOT HERE.
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?

BUCK'S NOT HERE.
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?
DO THE OPENING.

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?
DO THE OPENING.
OPEN THE SHOW?

DO THE OPENING.
OPEN THE SHOW?
OPEN THE SHOW.

OPEN THE SHOW?
OPEN THE SHOW.
WHERE'S BUCK?

OPEN THE SHOW.
WHERE'S BUCK?
OPEN THE SHOW.

WHERE'S BUCK?
OPEN THE SHOW.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

OPEN THE SHOW.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
UH, THANK YOU.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
UH, THANK YOU.
BUCK'S NOT HERE, LORNE.

UH, THANK YOU.
BUCK'S NOT HERE, LORNE.
WHERE IS BUCK, LORNE?

BUCK'S NOT HERE, LORNE.
WHERE IS BUCK, LORNE?
HE'S NOT HERE.

WHERE IS BUCK, LORNE?
HE'S NOT HERE.
HE'S NOT HERE?

HE'S NOT HERE.
HE'S NOT HERE?
UH, HE WAS HERE FOR DRESS

HE'S NOT HERE?
UH, HE WAS HERE FOR DRESS
REHEARSAL.

UH, HE WAS HERE FOR DRESS
REHEARSAL.
YES, I KNOW THAT.

REHEARSAL.
YES, I KNOW THAT.
HE HASN'T COME BACK.

YES, I KNOW THAT.
HE HASN'T COME BACK.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS.

HE HASN'T COME BACK.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS.
YOU DON'T KNOW?

I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS.
YOU DON'T KNOW?
HE WAS HERE FOR DRESS AND...

YOU DON'T KNOW?
HE WAS HERE FOR DRESS AND...
WHERE IS HE?

HE WAS HERE FOR DRESS AND...
WHERE IS HE?
I HAVE AN IDEA WHERE HE IS.

WHERE IS HE?
I HAVE AN IDEA WHERE HE IS.
YOU'LL HAVE TO JUST HOST UNTIL

I HAVE AN IDEA WHERE HE IS.
YOU'LL HAVE TO JUST HOST UNTIL
HE GETS HERE.

YOU'LL HAVE TO JUST HOST UNTIL
HE GETS HERE.
HOST UNTIL HE GETS HERE?

HE GETS HERE.
HOST UNTIL HE GETS HERE?
BUCK'S GONNA BE FINE.

HOST UNTIL HE GETS HERE?
BUCK'S GONNA BE FINE.
OKAY.

BUCK'S GONNA BE FINE.
OKAY.
UH, WELL, I'M THE HOST THIS

OKAY.
UH, WELL, I'M THE HOST THIS
WEEK, UH, FOR THE SHOW, I GUESS,

UH, WELL, I'M THE HOST THIS
WEEK, UH, FOR THE SHOW, I GUESS,
UH, AND, UH, I'D LIKE TO DO A

WEEK, UH, FOR THE SHOW, I GUESS,
UH, AND, UH, I'D LIKE TO DO A
FEW NUMBERS...

UH, AND, UH, I'D LIKE TO DO A
FEW NUMBERS...
WE HAVEN'T FOUND BUCK.

FEW NUMBERS...
WE HAVEN'T FOUND BUCK.
WHAT?

WE HAVEN'T FOUND BUCK.
WHAT?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS.

WHAT?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS.
HE HASN'T COME BACK.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS.
HE HASN'T COME BACK.
HE WAS... I DON'T KNOW.

HE HASN'T COME BACK.
HE WAS... I DON'T KNOW.
HE WENT FOR CIGARETTES OR

HE WAS... I DON'T KNOW.
HE WENT FOR CIGARETTES OR
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

HE WENT FOR CIGARETTES OR
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
HE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT... I

SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
HE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT... I
DON'T... A HAMBURGER?

HE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT... I
DON'T... A HAMBURGER?
A HAMBURGER, AND HE SAID HE'D

DON'T... A HAMBURGER?
A HAMBURGER, AND HE SAID HE'D
BE RIGHT BACK!

A HAMBURGER, AND HE SAID HE'D
BE RIGHT BACK!
LORNE, MY GIRLFRIEND JENNY

BE RIGHT BACK!
LORNE, MY GIRLFRIEND JENNY
CAME FROM TORONTO TO SEE THE

LORNE, MY GIRLFRIEND JENNY
CAME FROM TORONTO TO SEE THE
SHOW.

CAME FROM TORONTO TO SEE THE
SHOW.
I CAN'T HELP THAT.

SHOW.
I CAN'T HELP THAT.
I DON'T KNOW.

I CAN'T HELP THAT.
I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW...

I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW...
WHEN ARE WE GONNA GET HIM?

I DON'T KNOW...
WHEN ARE WE GONNA GET HIM?
CAN YOU DO SOMETHING, 'CAUSE

WHEN ARE WE GONNA GET HIM?
CAN YOU DO SOMETHING, 'CAUSE
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO...

CAN YOU DO SOMETHING, 'CAUSE
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO...
MEET ME DOWNSTAIRS.

WE'RE SUPPOSED TO...
MEET ME DOWNSTAIRS.
OKAY, BUT FIND HIM, ALL

MEET ME DOWNSTAIRS.
OKAY, BUT FIND HIM, ALL
RIGHT, 'CAUSE WE WANT TO...

OKAY, BUT FIND HIM, ALL
RIGHT, 'CAUSE WE WANT TO...
JOHN IS ONSTAGE.

RIGHT, 'CAUSE WE WANT TO...
JOHN IS ONSTAGE.
HE'S HOSTING RIGHT NOW.

JOHN IS ONSTAGE.
HE'S HOSTING RIGHT NOW.
ALONE?

HE'S HOSTING RIGHT NOW.
ALONE?
THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO.

ALONE?
THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO.
JOHN'S ON ALONE?

THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO.
JOHN'S ON ALONE?
I'LL FIND BUCK.

JOHN'S ON ALONE?
I'LL FIND BUCK.
GO BACK THERE AND HELP JOHN.

I'LL FIND BUCK.
GO BACK THERE AND HELP JOHN.
A FEW THINGS I DON'T LIKE

GO BACK THERE AND HELP JOHN.
A FEW THINGS I DON'T LIKE
ABOUT THIS SHOW MYSELF, YOU

A FEW THINGS I DON'T LIKE
ABOUT THIS SHOW MYSELF, YOU
KNOW?

ABOUT THIS SHOW MYSELF, YOU
KNOW?
I MEAN, THEY THROW PEOPLE OUT

KNOW?
I MEAN, THEY THROW PEOPLE OUT
THERE.

I MEAN, THEY THROW PEOPLE OUT
THERE.
THEY DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO.

THERE.
THEY DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO.
THE HOST IS LATE.

THEY DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO.
THE HOST IS LATE.
WHO THE HELL KNOWS WHAT'S GOING

THE HOST IS LATE.
WHO THE HELL KNOWS WHAT'S GOING
ON?

WHO THE HELL KNOWS WHAT'S GOING
ON?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON!

ON?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON!
YOU KNOW?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON!
YOU KNOW?
CHEAP JOKES... FALLING DOWN.

YOU KNOW?
CHEAP JOKES... FALLING DOWN.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

CHEAP JOKES... FALLING DOWN.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WITHOUT AN NBC INVITATION.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WITHOUT AN NBC INVITATION.
YOU WALKED RIGHT PAST.

WITHOUT AN NBC INVITATION.
YOU WALKED RIGHT PAST.
YOU HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE BUT...

YOU WALKED RIGHT PAST.
YOU HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE BUT...
EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME.

YOU HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE BUT...
EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME.
THIS IS LORNE MICHAELS.

EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME.
THIS IS LORNE MICHAELS.
EXCUSE ME.

THIS IS LORNE MICHAELS.
EXCUSE ME.
THIS IS BUCK HENRY.

EXCUSE ME.
THIS IS BUCK HENRY.
HE'S THE HOST OF THIS WEEK'S

THIS IS BUCK HENRY.
HE'S THE HOST OF THIS WEEK'S
SHOW, OKAY?

HE'S THE HOST OF THIS WEEK'S
SHOW, OKAY?
WAIT A MINUTE.

SHOW, OKAY?
WAIT A MINUTE.
EXCUSE ME, SIR.

WAIT A MINUTE.
EXCUSE ME, SIR.
EXCUSE ME, SIR.

EXCUSE ME, SIR.
EXCUSE ME, SIR.
THE HOST OF THE SHOW IS A STAR.

EXCUSE ME, SIR.
THE HOST OF THE SHOW IS A STAR.
THIS MAN IS NOT A STAR!

THE HOST OF THE SHOW IS A STAR.
THIS MAN IS NOT A STAR!
THIS IS NOT NO RAQUEL WELCH.

THIS MAN IS NOT A STAR!
THIS IS NOT NO RAQUEL WELCH.
THIS IS NOT NO CANDICE BERGEN.

THIS IS NOT NO RAQUEL WELCH.
THIS IS NOT NO CANDICE BERGEN.
THIS ISN'T EVEN ELLIOTT GOULD!

THIS IS NOT NO CANDICE BERGEN.
THIS ISN'T EVEN ELLIOTT GOULD!
THIS MAN IS THE HOST OF THIS

THIS ISN'T EVEN ELLIOTT GOULD!
THIS MAN IS THE HOST OF THIS
WEEK'S SHOW.

THIS MAN IS THE HOST OF THIS
WEEK'S SHOW.
I'VE BEEN GOING IN AND OUT

WEEK'S SHOW.
I'VE BEEN GOING IN AND OUT
ALL WEEK!

I'VE BEEN GOING IN AND OUT
ALL WEEK!
MAY I ASK YOU A QUESTION?

ALL WEEK!
MAY I ASK YOU A QUESTION?
MAY I ASK YOU A QUESTION, SIR?

MAY I ASK YOU A QUESTION?
MAY I ASK YOU A QUESTION, SIR?
I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS MAN BEFORE!

MAY I ASK YOU A QUESTION, SIR?
I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS MAN BEFORE!
HAVE I EVER HEARD OF YOU BEFORE,

I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS MAN BEFORE!
HAVE I EVER HEARD OF YOU BEFORE,
SIR?

HAVE I EVER HEARD OF YOU BEFORE,
SIR?
NO, LET'S NOT GET PHYSICAL!

SIR?
NO, LET'S NOT GET PHYSICAL!
WHO ARE YOU, SIR?

NO, LET'S NOT GET PHYSICAL!
WHO ARE YOU, SIR?
WHO ARE YOU, SIR?

WHO ARE YOU, SIR?
WHO ARE YOU, SIR?
I AM THE PRODUCER OF THE

WHO ARE YOU, SIR?
I AM THE PRODUCER OF THE
"SATURDAY NIGHT" SHOW.

I AM THE PRODUCER OF THE
"SATURDAY NIGHT" SHOW.
ALL RIGHT, SIR.

"SATURDAY NIGHT" SHOW.
ALL RIGHT, SIR.
I AM THE GUARD OF THE SECURITY

ALL RIGHT, SIR.
I AM THE GUARD OF THE SECURITY
DESK.

I AM THE GUARD OF THE SECURITY
DESK.
YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT GOES

DESK.
YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT GOES
ON UPSTAIRS.

YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT GOES
ON UPSTAIRS.
I'M RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT GOES ON

ON UPSTAIRS.
I'M RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT GOES ON
DOWN HERE.

I'M RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT GOES ON
DOWN HERE.
THIS MAN DOES NOT HAVE A PASS.

DOWN HERE.
THIS MAN DOES NOT HAVE A PASS.
I HAVE A PASS!

THIS MAN DOES NOT HAVE A PASS.
I HAVE A PASS!
I LEFT IT UPSTAIRS, IN MY

I HAVE A PASS!
I LEFT IT UPSTAIRS, IN MY
CLOTHES IN THE DRESSING ROOM!

I LEFT IT UPSTAIRS, IN MY
CLOTHES IN THE DRESSING ROOM!
MAY I SEE YOUR

CLOTHES IN THE DRESSING ROOM!
MAY I SEE YOUR
IDENTIFICATION, PLEASE, SIR?

MAY I SEE YOUR
IDENTIFICATION, PLEASE, SIR?
I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

IDENTIFICATION, PLEASE, SIR?
I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.
ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU VERY

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.
ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU VERY
MUCH.

ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU VERY
MUCH.
OKAY?

MUCH.
OKAY?
OKAY.

OKAY?
OKAY.
ALL RIGHT, MR. MITCHELL, YOU MAY

OKAY.
ALL RIGHT, MR. MITCHELL, YOU MAY
GO UPSTAIRS.

ALL RIGHT, MR. MITCHELL, YOU MAY
GO UPSTAIRS.
NO, NO.

GO UPSTAIRS.
NO, NO.
YOU SAID MICHAELS WAS HIS

NO, NO.
YOU SAID MICHAELS WAS HIS
NAME.

YOU SAID MICHAELS WAS HIS
NAME.
HENRY IS MY NAME.

NAME.
HENRY IS MY NAME.
BUCK HENRY IS THE STAR OF

HENRY IS MY NAME.
BUCK HENRY IS THE STAR OF
THIS WEEK'S SHOW, OKAY?

BUCK HENRY IS THE STAR OF
THIS WEEK'S SHOW, OKAY?
HE IS COMING WITH ME.

THIS WEEK'S SHOW, OKAY?
HE IS COMING WITH ME.
THE MAN... THE MAN MAY NOT

HE IS COMING WITH ME.
THE MAN... THE MAN MAY NOT
PASS WITHOUT A PASS!

THE MAN... THE MAN MAY NOT
PASS WITHOUT A PASS!
I AM SORRY, SIR.

PASS WITHOUT A PASS!
I AM SORRY, SIR.
I'M ONLY FOLLOWING ORDERS.

I AM SORRY, SIR.
I'M ONLY FOLLOWING ORDERS.
IT'S UPSTAIRS IN THE DRESSING

I'M ONLY FOLLOWING ORDERS.
IT'S UPSTAIRS IN THE DRESSING
ROOM.

IT'S UPSTAIRS IN THE DRESSING
ROOM.
I'LL BRING IT DOWN TO YOU LATER.

ROOM.
I'LL BRING IT DOWN TO YOU LATER.
HONESTLY, HE IS THE HOST OF

I'LL BRING IT DOWN TO YOU LATER.
HONESTLY, HE IS THE HOST OF
THIS WEEK'S SHOW.

HONESTLY, HE IS THE HOST OF
THIS WEEK'S SHOW.
I WILL TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR

THIS WEEK'S SHOW.
I WILL TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR
HIM, OKAY?

I WILL TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR
HIM, OKAY?
I'M LORNE MICHAELS.

HIM, OKAY?
I'M LORNE MICHAELS.
I'M THE PRODUCER OF THE SHOW.

I'M LORNE MICHAELS.
I'M THE PRODUCER OF THE SHOW.
YOU'LL TAKE RESPONSIBILITY...

I'M THE PRODUCER OF THE SHOW.
YOU'LL TAKE RESPONSIBILITY...
YES, I WILL.

YOU'LL TAKE RESPONSIBILITY...
YES, I WILL.
ALL RIGHT, SIR.

YES, I WILL.
ALL RIGHT, SIR.
LET IT BE ON YOUR HEAD!

ALL RIGHT, SIR.
LET IT BE ON YOUR HEAD!
HARRY?

LET IT BE ON YOUR HEAD!
HARRY?
IT'S MAIN DESK SECURITY.

HARRY?
IT'S MAIN DESK SECURITY.
A COUPLE OF VERY PECULIAR GUYS

IT'S MAIN DESK SECURITY.
A COUPLE OF VERY PECULIAR GUYS
JUST WENT UPSTAIRS.

A COUPLE OF VERY PECULIAR GUYS
JUST WENT UPSTAIRS.
YEAH, SOME GUY... MYERS, SAYS

JUST WENT UPSTAIRS.
YEAH, SOME GUY... MYERS, SAYS
HE'S A PRODUCER?

YEAH, SOME GUY... MYERS, SAYS
HE'S A PRODUCER?
AND HE'S GOT BUCK JONES.

HE'S A PRODUCER?
AND HE'S GOT BUCK JONES.
I DON'T KNOW.

AND HE'S GOT BUCK JONES.
I DON'T KNOW.
BUCK OWENS... A LITTLE

I DON'T KNOW.
BUCK OWENS... A LITTLE
BEADY-EYED GUY.

BUCK OWENS... A LITTLE
BEADY-EYED GUY.
CHECK THE MEN'S ROOM.

BEADY-EYED GUY.
CHECK THE MEN'S ROOM.
THEY'LL GET IN THERE AND GIVE

CHECK THE MEN'S ROOM.
THEY'LL GET IN THERE AND GIVE
SOMEBODY A KARATE CHOP.

THEY'LL GET IN THERE AND GIVE
SOMEBODY A KARATE CHOP.
THAT'S ALL WE NEED.

SOMEBODY A KARATE CHOP.
THAT'S ALL WE NEED.
TO GET SOMETHING TO SMOKE.

THAT'S ALL WE NEED.
TO GET SOMETHING TO SMOKE.
HOW DOES THAT SORT OF THING

TO GET SOMETHING TO SMOKE.
HOW DOES THAT SORT OF THING
HAPPEN?

HOW DOES THAT SORT OF THING
HAPPEN?
BUCK, HOW CAN I APOLOGIZE FOR

HAPPEN?
BUCK, HOW CAN I APOLOGIZE FOR
HIM?

BUCK, HOW CAN I APOLOGIZE FOR
HIM?
THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO A

HIM?
THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO A
HOST BEFORE.

THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO A
HOST BEFORE.
2,000 MILES I FLEW...

HOST BEFORE.
2,000 MILES I FLEW...
I'M SORRY.

2,000 MILES I FLEW...
I'M SORRY.
I DID THE VERY BEST I CAN.

I'M SORRY.
I DID THE VERY BEST I CAN.
INSANE.

I DID THE VERY BEST I CAN.
INSANE.
THIS MAN, JOHN BELUSHI, IS ON

INSANE.
THIS MAN, JOHN BELUSHI, IS ON
STAGE NOW.

THIS MAN, JOHN BELUSHI, IS ON
STAGE NOW.
YOU COULD HAVE LEFT A PICTURE

STAGE NOW.
YOU COULD HAVE LEFT A PICTURE
OF ME DOWN... WHAT DO YOU MEAN

YOU COULD HAVE LEFT A PICTURE
OF ME DOWN... WHAT DO YOU MEAN
HE'S ONSTAGE?

OF ME DOWN... WHAT DO YOU MEAN
HE'S ONSTAGE?
BUT I CAN'T... THIS MAN IS

HE'S ONSTAGE?
BUT I CAN'T... THIS MAN IS
OBVIOUSLY NEW TO SECURITY.

BUT I CAN'T... THIS MAN IS
OBVIOUSLY NEW TO SECURITY.
NOW, JOHN IS DOING VERY WELL.

OBVIOUSLY NEW TO SECURITY.
NOW, JOHN IS DOING VERY WELL.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, HE'S DOING

NOW, JOHN IS DOING VERY WELL.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, HE'S DOING
VERY WELL?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, HE'S DOING
VERY WELL?
WELL, ALL YOU NEED TO DO...

VERY WELL?
WELL, ALL YOU NEED TO DO...
MOUNTING BARBED STEEDS...

WELL, ALL YOU NEED TO DO...
MOUNTING BARBED STEEDS...
INSTEAD OF MOUNTING BARBED

MOUNTING BARBED STEEDS...
INSTEAD OF MOUNTING BARBED
STEEDS TO FRIGHT THE SOULS OF

INSTEAD OF MOUNTING BARBED
STEEDS TO FRIGHT THE SOULS OF
FEARFUL ADVERSARIES, HE CAPERS

STEEDS TO FRIGHT THE SOULS OF
FEARFUL ADVERSARIES, HE CAPERS
NIMBLY IN A LADY'S CHAMBER.

FEARFUL ADVERSARIES, HE CAPERS
NIMBLY IN A LADY'S CHAMBER.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

NIMBLY IN A LADY'S CHAMBER.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[INDISTINCT ARGUING]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[INDISTINCT ARGUING]
HOWARD?

[INDISTINCT ARGUING]
HOWARD?
HOWARD, CAN WE START AGAIN,

HOWARD?
HOWARD, CAN WE START AGAIN,
PLEASE?

HOWARD, CAN WE START AGAIN,
PLEASE?
LORNE, WE'VE DONE THE THEME

PLEASE?
LORNE, WE'VE DONE THE THEME
ALREADY.

LORNE, WE'VE DONE THE THEME
ALREADY.
CAN WE START WITH THE THEME

ALREADY.
CAN WE START WITH THE THEME
AGAIN, PLEASE?

CAN WE START WITH THE THEME
AGAIN, PLEASE?
WELL, I KNOW.

AGAIN, PLEASE?
WELL, I KNOW.
IT'S... WE'LL DO IT ONE MORE

WELL, I KNOW.
IT'S... WE'LL DO IT ONE MORE
TIME, ALL RIGHT?

IT'S... WE'LL DO IT ONE MORE
TIME, ALL RIGHT?
ONE, TWO, THREE.

TIME, ALL RIGHT?
ONE, TWO, THREE.
[BAND PLAYS]

ONE, TWO, THREE.
[BAND PLAYS]
Announcer: LADIES AND

[BAND PLAYS]
Announcer: LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, BUCK HENRY!

Announcer: LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, BUCK HENRY!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[MUSIC STOPS]
HI, UH, I'M REALLY PLEASED TO
BE BACK HERE ON THE SHOW.

HI, UH, I'M REALLY PLEASED TO
BE BACK HERE ON THE SHOW.
IT'S A GREAT THRILL FOR ME.

BE BACK HERE ON THE SHOW.
IT'S A GREAT THRILL FOR ME.
YOU KNOW, A RATHER STRANGE

IT'S A GREAT THRILL FOR ME.
YOU KNOW, A RATHER STRANGE
OCCURRENCE HAPPENED TO ME WHILE

YOU KNOW, A RATHER STRANGE
OCCURRENCE HAPPENED TO ME WHILE
I WAS... WHILE I WAS GOING TO

OCCURRENCE HAPPENED TO ME WHILE
I WAS... WHILE I WAS GOING TO
THE AIRPORT TO TAKE THE PLANE...

I WAS... WHILE I WAS GOING TO
THE AIRPORT TO TAKE THE PLANE...
BUCK, WE'RE RUNNING A LITTLE

THE AIRPORT TO TAKE THE PLANE...
BUCK, WE'RE RUNNING A LITTLE
LONG.

BUCK, WE'RE RUNNING A LITTLE
LONG.
CAN YOU CUT IT SHORT?

LONG.
CAN YOU CUT IT SHORT?
WE'LL GO TO COMMERCIAL.

CAN YOU CUT IT SHORT?
WE'LL GO TO COMMERCIAL.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

WE'LL GO TO COMMERCIAL.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Announcer: PETER LEMON

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Announcer: PETER LEMON
MOODRING... THE ULTIMATE

Announcer: PETER LEMON
MOODRING... THE ULTIMATE
LOVE-ROCK EXPERIENCE.

MOODRING... THE ULTIMATE
LOVE-ROCK EXPERIENCE.
♪ WHEN SUNNY GETS BLUE ♪

LOVE-ROCK EXPERIENCE.
♪ WHEN SUNNY GETS BLUE ♪
Announcer: YES, WHEN SUNNY

♪ WHEN SUNNY GETS BLUE ♪
Announcer: YES, WHEN SUNNY
GETS BLUE, PETER GETS BLUE,

Announcer: YES, WHEN SUNNY
GETS BLUE, PETER GETS BLUE,
TOO... A HAUNTING, ULTRAMARINE

GETS BLUE, PETER GETS BLUE,
TOO... A HAUNTING, ULTRAMARINE
BLUE THAT REFLECTS PETER'S

TOO... A HAUNTING, ULTRAMARINE
BLUE THAT REFLECTS PETER'S
INTENSE INNER EMOTIONAL LIFE, A

BLUE THAT REFLECTS PETER'S
INTENSE INNER EMOTIONAL LIFE, A
LIFE THAT IS GAY, EXCITING, AND

INTENSE INNER EMOTIONAL LIFE, A
LIFE THAT IS GAY, EXCITING, AND
YET SOMETIMES A LITTLE LONELY.

LIFE THAT IS GAY, EXCITING, AND
YET SOMETIMES A LITTLE LONELY.
♪ TIE A YELLOW RIBBON 'ROUND

YET SOMETIMES A LITTLE LONELY.
♪ TIE A YELLOW RIBBON 'ROUND
THAT OLE OAK TREE ♪

♪ TIE A YELLOW RIBBON 'ROUND
THAT OLE OAK TREE ♪
Announcer: BUT THE MOOD

THAT OLE OAK TREE ♪
Announcer: BUT THE MOOD
BRIGHTENS, AS PETER TURNS A RICH

Announcer: BUT THE MOOD
BRIGHTENS, AS PETER TURNS A RICH
CANARY YELLOW.

BRIGHTENS, AS PETER TURNS A RICH
CANARY YELLOW.
HE'S JUST HAPPY TO BE WORKING,

CANARY YELLOW.
HE'S JUST HAPPY TO BE WORKING,
AND YOU'LL BE HAPPY WATCHING HIM

HE'S JUST HAPPY TO BE WORKING,
AND YOU'LL BE HAPPY WATCHING HIM
WORK.

AND YOU'LL BE HAPPY WATCHING HIM
WORK.
♪ TANGERINE ♪

WORK.
♪ TANGERINE ♪
Announcer: TURNING THE COLOR

♪ TANGERINE ♪
Announcer: TURNING THE COLOR
OF HIS FAVORITE LEISURE SUIT,

Announcer: TURNING THE COLOR
OF HIS FAVORITE LEISURE SUIT,
PETER IMAGINES HIMSELF OUT ON

OF HIS FAVORITE LEISURE SUIT,
PETER IMAGINES HIMSELF OUT ON
THE TOWN... A BROADWAY SHOW, AN

PETER IMAGINES HIMSELF OUT ON
THE TOWN... A BROADWAY SHOW, AN
INTIMATE DINNER FOR TWO, AND ALL

THE TOWN... A BROADWAY SHOW, AN
INTIMATE DINNER FOR TWO, AND ALL
THE SANGRIA HE CAN DRINK.

INTIMATE DINNER FOR TWO, AND ALL
THE SANGRIA HE CAN DRINK.
HERE'S LOOKING AT YOU, PETER.

THE SANGRIA HE CAN DRINK.
HERE'S LOOKING AT YOU, PETER.
♪ RUBY ♪

HERE'S LOOKING AT YOU, PETER.
♪ RUBY ♪
♪ RUBY, YOU'RE SUCH A DREAM ♪

♪ RUBY ♪
♪ RUBY, YOU'RE SUCH A DREAM ♪
Announcer: CURL UP, GET COZY

♪ RUBY, YOU'RE SUCH A DREAM ♪
Announcer: CURL UP, GET COZY
AS THE MOOD MELLOWS, AND PETER

Announcer: CURL UP, GET COZY
AS THE MOOD MELLOWS, AND PETER
GLOWS LIKE THE EMBERS OF A DYING

AS THE MOOD MELLOWS, AND PETER
GLOWS LIKE THE EMBERS OF A DYING
FIRE.

GLOWS LIKE THE EMBERS OF A DYING
FIRE.
WARM, RELAXED, SENSUAL, HE'S IN

FIRE.
WARM, RELAXED, SENSUAL, HE'S IN
TOUCH WITH HIS EMOTIONS, AND HIS

WARM, RELAXED, SENSUAL, HE'S IN
TOUCH WITH HIS EMOTIONS, AND HIS
EMOTIONS ARE SURE TO TOUCH YOU.

TOUCH WITH HIS EMOTIONS, AND HIS
EMOTIONS ARE SURE TO TOUCH YOU.
♪ I WANT MY BABY BACK ♪

EMOTIONS ARE SURE TO TOUCH YOU.
♪ I WANT MY BABY BACK ♪
Announcer: IT'S NO USE TRYING

♪ I WANT MY BABY BACK ♪
Announcer: IT'S NO USE TRYING
TO HIDE YOUR REAL FEELINGS, NOT

Announcer: IT'S NO USE TRYING
TO HIDE YOUR REAL FEELINGS, NOT
WHEN YOU'RE

TO HIDE YOUR REAL FEELINGS, NOT
WHEN YOU'RE
PETER LEMON MOODRING, AND YOU'VE

WHEN YOU'RE
PETER LEMON MOODRING, AND YOU'VE
LOST YOUR BABY.

PETER LEMON MOODRING, AND YOU'VE
LOST YOUR BABY.
HE'S ONE MAN WHO YOU CAN JUDGE

LOST YOUR BABY.
HE'S ONE MAN WHO YOU CAN JUDGE
BY THE COLOR OF HIS SKIN.

HE'S ONE MAN WHO YOU CAN JUDGE
BY THE COLOR OF HIS SKIN.
♪ SOMEWHERE OVER THE

BY THE COLOR OF HIS SKIN.
♪ SOMEWHERE OVER THE
RAINBOW ♪

♪ SOMEWHERE OVER THE
RAINBOW ♪
♪ WAY UP HIGH ♪

RAINBOW ♪
♪ WAY UP HIGH ♪
Announcer: BUT THE STORM

♪ WAY UP HIGH ♪
Announcer: BUT THE STORM
PASSES, AS STORMS ALWAYS DO, AND

Announcer: BUT THE STORM
PASSES, AS STORMS ALWAYS DO, AND
PETER BURSTS INTO A KALEIDOSCOPE

PASSES, AS STORMS ALWAYS DO, AND
PETER BURSTS INTO A KALEIDOSCOPE
OF COLOR, SPANNING THE FULL

PETER BURSTS INTO A KALEIDOSCOPE
OF COLOR, SPANNING THE FULL
SPECTRUM OF HUMAN EMOTIONS.

OF COLOR, SPANNING THE FULL
SPECTRUM OF HUMAN EMOTIONS.
DON'T LEAVE YOUR CAMERA HOME,

SPECTRUM OF HUMAN EMOTIONS.
DON'T LEAVE YOUR CAMERA HOME,
BECAUSE HE'S A SIGHT YOU'LL WANT

DON'T LEAVE YOUR CAMERA HOME,
BECAUSE HE'S A SIGHT YOU'LL WANT
TO SHARE WITH YOUR

BECAUSE HE'S A SIGHT YOU'LL WANT
TO SHARE WITH YOUR
GRANDCHILDREN.

TO SHARE WITH YOUR
GRANDCHILDREN.
♪ THREE CHEERS FOR THE RED,

GRANDCHILDREN.
♪ THREE CHEERS FOR THE RED,
WHITE, AND BLUE ♪

♪ THREE CHEERS FOR THE RED,
WHITE, AND BLUE ♪
Announcer: AND THREE CHEERS

WHITE, AND BLUE ♪
Announcer: AND THREE CHEERS
FOR PETER LEMON MOODRING IN A

Announcer: AND THREE CHEERS
FOR PETER LEMON MOODRING IN A
BICENTENNIAL SALUTE THAT PUTS

FOR PETER LEMON MOODRING IN A
BICENTENNIAL SALUTE THAT PUTS
"OLD GLORY" HERSELF TO SHAME.

BICENTENNIAL SALUTE THAT PUTS
"OLD GLORY" HERSELF TO SHAME.
♪ THE FALLING LEAVES ♪

"OLD GLORY" HERSELF TO SHAME.
♪ THE FALLING LEAVES ♪
Announcer: PETER LEMON

♪ THE FALLING LEAVES ♪
Announcer: PETER LEMON
MOODRING... COMING SOON TO A

Announcer: PETER LEMON
MOODRING... COMING SOON TO A
COCKTAIL LOUNGE NEAR YOU.

MOODRING... COMING SOON TO A
COCKTAIL LOUNGE NEAR YOU.
♪ ...OF RED ♪

COCKTAIL LOUNGE NEAR YOU.
♪ ...OF RED ♪
♪ AND GOLD ♪

♪ ...OF RED ♪
♪ AND GOLD ♪
Announcer: COLOR HIM

♪ AND GOLD ♪
Announcer: COLOR HIM
UNFORGETTABLE.

UGH!
[HUMS INDISTINCTLY]
UGH!

[HUMS INDISTINCTLY]
UGH!
[HUMS INDISTINCTLY]

UGH!
[HUMS INDISTINCTLY]
UGH!

[HUMS INDISTINCTLY]
UGH!
AAH!

UGH!
AAH!
[IMITATING JAPANESE]

AAH!
[IMITATING JAPANESE]
UNH! UNH! UNH!

[IMITATING JAPANESE]
UNH! UNH! UNH!
[IMITATING JAPANESE]

UNH! UNH! UNH!
[IMITATING JAPANESE]
AAH!

[IMITATING JAPANESE]
AAH!
Announcer: AND NOW, ANOTHER

AAH!
Announcer: AND NOW, ANOTHER
EPISODE OF...

HI.
HOW YOU DOING?
I'M HERE FOR THE SECOND FITTING

HOW YOU DOING?
I'M HERE FOR THE SECOND FITTING
OF THE TUXEDO.

I'M HERE FOR THE SECOND FITTING
OF THE TUXEDO.
YOU KNOW, I'M THE GUY WHO'S

OF THE TUXEDO.
YOU KNOW, I'M THE GUY WHO'S
GETTING MARRIED, AND TONIGHT'S

YOU KNOW, I'M THE GUY WHO'S
GETTING MARRIED, AND TONIGHT'S
THE BIG NIGHT.

GETTING MARRIED, AND TONIGHT'S
THE BIG NIGHT.
OOH.

THE BIG NIGHT.
OOH.
WE'RE ALL SET.

OOH.
WE'RE ALL SET.
I TOLD YOU ABOUT MY FIANCéE,

WE'RE ALL SET.
I TOLD YOU ABOUT MY FIANCéE,
DIDN'T I?

I TOLD YOU ABOUT MY FIANCéE,
DIDN'T I?
SHE'S A GREAT GIRL.

DIDN'T I?
SHE'S A GREAT GIRL.
YOU'D LOVE HER.

SHE'S A GREAT GIRL.
YOU'D LOVE HER.
BUT BETWEEN YOU AND ME, I'M A

YOU'D LOVE HER.
BUT BETWEEN YOU AND ME, I'M A
LITTLE NERVOUS.

BUT BETWEEN YOU AND ME, I'M A
LITTLE NERVOUS.
SOUNDS CRAZY, DOESN'T IT?

LITTLE NERVOUS.
SOUNDS CRAZY, DOESN'T IT?
I'M GONNA GO THROUGH WITH IT.

SOUNDS CRAZY, DOESN'T IT?
I'M GONNA GO THROUGH WITH IT.
I DON'T CARE.

I'M GONNA GO THROUGH WITH IT.
I DON'T CARE.
HEY, I GOT TO HAVE THAT TUXEDO.

I DON'T CARE.
HEY, I GOT TO HAVE THAT TUXEDO.
IS IT READY?

HEY, I GOT TO HAVE THAT TUXEDO.
IS IT READY?
'CAUSE YOU PROMISED... THE BLACK

IS IT READY?
'CAUSE YOU PROMISED... THE BLACK
ONE, 36 SHORT.

'CAUSE YOU PROMISED... THE BLACK
ONE, 36 SHORT.
[IMITATING JAPANESE]

ONE, 36 SHORT.
[IMITATING JAPANESE]
OH, OH, OH, I ALMOST FORGOT.

[IMITATING JAPANESE]
OH, OH, OH, I ALMOST FORGOT.
HERE'S THE TICKET.

OH, OH, OH, I ALMOST FORGOT.
HERE'S THE TICKET.
[IMITATING JAPANESE]

HERE'S THE TICKET.
[IMITATING JAPANESE]
OW. UGH.

[IMITATING JAPANESE]
OW. UGH.
[IMITATING JAPANESE]

OW. UGH.
[IMITATING JAPANESE]
AAH! UGH!

[IMITATING JAPANESE]
AAH! UGH!
THAT'S THE ONE.

AAH! UGH!
THAT'S THE ONE.
ANYWAY, MARITAL BLISS.

THAT'S THE ONE.
ANYWAY, MARITAL BLISS.
I GUESS I'LL REALLY FIND OUT HOW

ANYWAY, MARITAL BLISS.
I GUESS I'LL REALLY FIND OUT HOW
BLISSFUL IT IS, HUH?

I GUESS I'LL REALLY FIND OUT HOW
BLISSFUL IT IS, HUH?
OOH.

BLISSFUL IT IS, HUH?
OOH.
YOU KNOW, IT'S A SHAME...

OOH.
YOU KNOW, IT'S A SHAME...
IT'S A SHAME YOU DIDN'T HAVE

YOU KNOW, IT'S A SHAME...
IT'S A SHAME YOU DIDN'T HAVE
MORE MATERIAL BECAUSE IT WOULD

IT'S A SHAME YOU DIDN'T HAVE
MORE MATERIAL BECAUSE IT WOULD
BE GREAT TO HAVE A VEST, A SORT

MORE MATERIAL BECAUSE IT WOULD
BE GREAT TO HAVE A VEST, A SORT
OF FRENCH-CUT FANCY VEST IN THIS

BE GREAT TO HAVE A VEST, A SORT
OF FRENCH-CUT FANCY VEST IN THIS
RICARDO MONTALBAN STYLE.

OF FRENCH-CUT FANCY VEST IN THIS
RICARDO MONTALBAN STYLE.
MONTALBAN!

RICARDO MONTALBAN STYLE.
MONTALBAN!
MONTALBAN.

MONTALBAN!
MONTALBAN.
MONTALBAN!

MONTALBAN.
MONTALBAN!
MONTALBAN.

MONTALBAN!
MONTALBAN.
MONTALBAN!

MONTALBAN.
MONTALBAN!
[IMITATING JAPANESE]

MONTALBAN!
[IMITATING JAPANESE]
AH!

HYAH!
[IMITATING JAPANESE]
YA! HADA! HADA! HADA! UGH!

[IMITATING JAPANESE]
YA! HADA! HADA! HADA! UGH!
AH!

HEY, THAT'S INCREDIBLE.
THAT'S GORGEOUS.
YOU DO SOME FAST WORK.

THAT'S GORGEOUS.
YOU DO SOME FAST WORK.
THIS IS SOME SERVICE.

YOU DO SOME FAST WORK.
THIS IS SOME SERVICE.
SHALL I GIVE IT A SHOT?

THIS IS SOME SERVICE.
SHALL I GIVE IT A SHOT?
MM-HMM, MM-HMM.

SHALL I GIVE IT A SHOT?
MM-HMM, MM-HMM.
I SHOULD HAVE SENT ALL THE

MM-HMM, MM-HMM.
I SHOULD HAVE SENT ALL THE
USHERS TO YOU.

I SHOULD HAVE SENT ALL THE
USHERS TO YOU.
[LAUGHS]

USHERS TO YOU.
[LAUGHS]
THIS IS GOING TO BE SOME

[LAUGHS]
THIS IS GOING TO BE SOME
RECEPTION, I'M TELLING YOU.

THIS IS GOING TO BE SOME
RECEPTION, I'M TELLING YOU.
GAH!

RECEPTION, I'M TELLING YOU.
GAH!
GAH!

GAH!
GAH!
ANYWAY, IT LOOKS TERRIFIC SO

GAH!
ANYWAY, IT LOOKS TERRIFIC SO
FAR.

ANYWAY, IT LOOKS TERRIFIC SO
FAR.
THIS IS GONNA COST A LOT OF

FAR.
THIS IS GONNA COST A LOT OF
MONEY.

THIS IS GONNA COST A LOT OF
MONEY.
I MEAN, THAT'S 75 COUPLES

MONEY.
I MEAN, THAT'S 75 COUPLES
COMING, BUT HER OLD MAN IS

I MEAN, THAT'S 75 COUPLES
COMING, BUT HER OLD MAN IS
PAYING.

COMING, BUT HER OLD MAN IS
PAYING.
WHAT DO I CARE?

PAYING.
WHAT DO I CARE?
[LAUGHS]

WHAT DO I CARE?
[LAUGHS]
[IMITATING JAPANESE]

[LAUGHS]
[IMITATING JAPANESE]
NO, TO THE LEFT.

[IMITATING JAPANESE]
NO, TO THE LEFT.
HEY, UH, THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG

NO, TO THE LEFT.
HEY, UH, THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG
WITH THESE SLEEVES.

HEY, UH, THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG
WITH THESE SLEEVES.
I ASKED FOR ONE BUTTON, AND

WITH THESE SLEEVES.
I ASKED FOR ONE BUTTON, AND
THERE'S SIX BUTTONS ON EACH

I ASKED FOR ONE BUTTON, AND
THERE'S SIX BUTTONS ON EACH
SLEEVE.

THERE'S SIX BUTTONS ON EACH
SLEEVE.
I MEAN, THAT'S FIVE BUTTONS TOO

SLEEVE.
I MEAN, THAT'S FIVE BUTTONS TOO
MANY.

I MEAN, THAT'S FIVE BUTTONS TOO
MANY.
I DISTINCTLY SAID "ONE BUTTON."

MANY.
I DISTINCTLY SAID "ONE BUTTON."
[IMITATING JAPANESE]

I DISTINCTLY SAID "ONE BUTTON."
[IMITATING JAPANESE]
YEAH, ONE.

[IMITATING JAPANESE]
YEAH, ONE.
[IMITATING JAPANESE]

YEAH, ONE.
[IMITATING JAPANESE]
ONE!

[IMITATING JAPANESE]
ONE!
[IMITATING JAPANESE]

ONE!
[IMITATING JAPANESE]
OH, NO, NO, WAIT A MINUTE.

[IMITATING JAPANESE]
OH, NO, NO, WAIT A MINUTE.
DON'T TAKE IT SERIOUSLY.

OH, NO, NO, WAIT A MINUTE.
DON'T TAKE IT SERIOUSLY.
IT'S OKAY.

DON'T TAKE IT SERIOUSLY.
IT'S OKAY.
IT'S NOT THAT IMPORTANT.

IT'S OKAY.
IT'S NOT THAT IMPORTANT.
LET ME TAKE A LOOK.

IT'S NOT THAT IMPORTANT.
LET ME TAKE A LOOK.
IT'S NOT BAD... WELL, SIX.

LET ME TAKE A LOOK.
IT'S NOT BAD... WELL, SIX.
IT SEEMS A LITTLE MUCH, STILL,

IT'S NOT BAD... WELL, SIX.
IT SEEMS A LITTLE MUCH, STILL,
THOUGH.

IT SEEMS A LITTLE MUCH, STILL,
THOUGH.
[IMITATING JAPANESE]

THOUGH.
[IMITATING JAPANESE]
YEAH.

[IMITATING JAPANESE]
YEAH.
GAH! AAH!

YEAH.
GAH! AAH!
OHH! OHH!

GAH! AAH!
OHH! OHH!
OH, YEAH.

OHH! OHH!
OH, YEAH.
OHH.

OH, YEAH.
OHH.
KD-D-D-D-D-D-D!

OHH.
KD-D-D-D-D-D-D!
UGH!

KD-D-D-D-D-D-D!
UGH!
ANYWAY, LET'S SEE.

UGH!
ANYWAY, LET'S SEE.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO TALK HARSHLY

ANYWAY, LET'S SEE.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO TALK HARSHLY
BACK THERE, BUT A GUY WANTS TO

I DIDN'T MEAN TO TALK HARSHLY
BACK THERE, BUT A GUY WANTS TO
LOOK HIS BEST AT HIS WEDDING

BACK THERE, BUT A GUY WANTS TO
LOOK HIS BEST AT HIS WEDDING
BECAUSE YOU ONLY GET MARRIED

LOOK HIS BEST AT HIS WEDDING
BECAUSE YOU ONLY GET MARRIED
ONCE... AT LEAST, I HOPE SO.

BECAUSE YOU ONLY GET MARRIED
ONCE... AT LEAST, I HOPE SO.
[LAUGHS]

ONCE... AT LEAST, I HOPE SO.
[LAUGHS]
NOW, THE FIRST TIME I WAS

[LAUGHS]
NOW, THE FIRST TIME I WAS
HERE, I THINK I ASKED FOR A

NOW, THE FIRST TIME I WAS
HERE, I THINK I ASKED FOR A
CENTERED VENT IN THE BACK.

HERE, I THINK I ASKED FOR A
CENTERED VENT IN THE BACK.
[IMITATING JAPANESE]

CENTERED VENT IN THE BACK.
[IMITATING JAPANESE]
I DON'T REALLY SEE IT.

[IMITATING JAPANESE]
I DON'T REALLY SEE IT.
[IMITATING JAPANESE]

I DON'T REALLY SEE IT.
[IMITATING JAPANESE]
GAH!

[IMITATING JAPANESE]
GAH!
VERY NICE.

GAH!
VERY NICE.
OH, THANKS.

VERY NICE.
OH, THANKS.
WELL, I GUESS THAT'S OKAY.

OH, THANKS.
WELL, I GUESS THAT'S OKAY.
ANYWAY, ENOUGH PARTYING.

WELL, I GUESS THAT'S OKAY.
ANYWAY, ENOUGH PARTYING.
I'VE FOUND THE RIGHT GIRL, AND

ANYWAY, ENOUGH PARTYING.
I'VE FOUND THE RIGHT GIRL, AND
I'M ALL SET.

I'VE FOUND THE RIGHT GIRL, AND
I'M ALL SET.
I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER.

I'M ALL SET.
I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER.
THE SUIT IS WONDERFUL.

I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER.
THE SUIT IS WONDERFUL.
THERE'S JUST ONE THING THAT

THE SUIT IS WONDERFUL.
THERE'S JUST ONE THING THAT
WOULD MAKE ME A LITTLE BIT

THERE'S JUST ONE THING THAT
WOULD MAKE ME A LITTLE BIT
HAPPIER... ABOUT THE PANTS.

WOULD MAKE ME A LITTLE BIT
HAPPIER... ABOUT THE PANTS.
THERE'S NO FLY.

HAPPIER... ABOUT THE PANTS.
THERE'S NO FLY.
I MEAN, THIS IS MY WEDDING

THERE'S NO FLY.
I MEAN, THIS IS MY WEDDING
NIGHT.

I MEAN, THIS IS MY WEDDING
NIGHT.
[IMITATING JAPANESE]

NIGHT.
[IMITATING JAPANESE]
ZIP?

[IMITATING JAPANESE]
ZIP?
YEAH.

ZIP?
YEAH.
GAH!

YEAH.
GAH!
Announcer: TUNE IN NEXT WEEK

GAH!
Announcer: TUNE IN NEXT WEEK
FOR ANOTHER EPISODE OF...

GOOD EVENING.
I'M FRANK NOLAND, AND THIS IS
"TALK BACK."

I'M FRANK NOLAND, AND THIS IS
"TALK BACK."
Announcer: "TALK BACK"...

"TALK BACK."
Announcer: "TALK BACK"...
FRANK NOLAND TALKS TO YOU, THE

Announcer: "TALK BACK"...
FRANK NOLAND TALKS TO YOU, THE
PUBLIC.

FRANK NOLAND TALKS TO YOU, THE
PUBLIC.
YOU, THE PUBLIC, TALK TO

PUBLIC.
YOU, THE PUBLIC, TALK TO
FRANK NOLAND.

YOU, THE PUBLIC, TALK TO
FRANK NOLAND.
HE LISTENS.

FRANK NOLAND.
HE LISTENS.
TALK BACK TO FRANK NOLAND, AND

HE LISTENS.
TALK BACK TO FRANK NOLAND, AND
HE'LL TALK BACK TO YOU.

TALK BACK TO FRANK NOLAND, AND
HE'LL TALK BACK TO YOU.
TONIGHT'S TOPIC IS "FEDERALLY

HE'LL TALK BACK TO YOU.
TONIGHT'S TOPIC IS "FEDERALLY
SUPPORTED MUNICIPAL BONDS... YES

TONIGHT'S TOPIC IS "FEDERALLY
SUPPORTED MUNICIPAL BONDS... YES
OR NO?"

SUPPORTED MUNICIPAL BONDS... YES
OR NO?"
I'M FRANK NOLAND, AND I WANT YOU

OR NO?"
I'M FRANK NOLAND, AND I WANT YOU
TO TALK TO ME ABOUT FEDERALLY

I'M FRANK NOLAND, AND I WANT YOU
TO TALK TO ME ABOUT FEDERALLY
SUPPORTED MUNICIPAL BONDS.

TO TALK TO ME ABOUT FEDERALLY
SUPPORTED MUNICIPAL BONDS.
CALL ME NOW AT ONE OF THESE

SUPPORTED MUNICIPAL BONDS.
CALL ME NOW AT ONE OF THESE
TOLL-FREE NUMBERS...

THAT TOPIC, ONCE AGAIN...

CALL ME NOW AND LET ME KNOW HOW

YOU FEEL.

THOSE NUMBERS ONCE AGAIN ARE...

YES, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT
FEDERALLY SUPPORTED MUNICIPAL
BONDS.

FEDERALLY SUPPORTED MUNICIPAL
BONDS.
SAY, IS IT A FEDERAL PROBLEM?

BONDS.
SAY, IS IT A FEDERAL PROBLEM?
IS IT A STATE PROBLEM?

SAY, IS IT A FEDERAL PROBLEM?
IS IT A STATE PROBLEM?
IS IT... IS IT A COMBINATION OF

IS IT A STATE PROBLEM?
IS IT... IS IT A COMBINATION OF
FEDERAL AND STATE PROBLEMS?

IS IT... IS IT A COMBINATION OF
FEDERAL AND STATE PROBLEMS?
IS IT YOUR PROBLEM?

FEDERAL AND STATE PROBLEMS?
IS IT YOUR PROBLEM?
IS IT OUR PROBLEM?

IS IT YOUR PROBLEM?
IS IT OUR PROBLEM?
WHY DON'T YOU GIVE ME A RING AND

IS IT OUR PROBLEM?
WHY DON'T YOU GIVE ME A RING AND
TALK BACK TO ME, FRANK NOLAND?

WHY DON'T YOU GIVE ME A RING AND
TALK BACK TO ME, FRANK NOLAND?
THE OPERATORS ARE STANDING BY.

THIS IS FRANK NOLAND, AND OUR

FIRST TOPIC TONIGHT IS AND HAS

BEEN...

HEY, BUT THAT'S NOT THE ONLY

ISSUE I'M PREPARED TO TALK ABOUT

TONIGHT.

HOW ABOUT THIS ONE... "FORCED

BUSING... YES OR NO?" HUH?

I'M SURE YOU HAVE AS MANY THINGS

TO SAY ABOUT FORCED BUSING AS I

DO.

I'M FRANK NOLAND, AND I'M

PREPARED TO TALK BACK TO YOU.

AND THOSE NUMBERS ONCE AGAIN

ARE...

AND THEY'RE TOLL-FREE, TOTALLY

TOLL-FREE.

LET'S RUN OVER THOSE BURNING
ISSUES ONCE AGAIN, SHALL WE?
THEY ARE... ONE, "FEDERALLY

ISSUES ONCE AGAIN, SHALL WE?
THEY ARE... ONE, "FEDERALLY
SUPPORTED MUNICIPAL BONDS," AND,

THEY ARE... ONE, "FEDERALLY
SUPPORTED MUNICIPAL BONDS," AND,
TWO, "FORCED BUSING."

SUPPORTED MUNICIPAL BONDS," AND,
TWO, "FORCED BUSING."
REMEMBER... TOLL-FREE, TOTALLY

TWO, "FORCED BUSING."
REMEMBER... TOLL-FREE, TOTALLY
FREE!

REMEMBER... TOLL-FREE, TOTALLY
FREE!
YOU PAY NOTHING HERE.

FREE!
YOU PAY NOTHING HERE.
WE PAY FOR THE ENTIRE CALL.

YOU PAY NOTHING HERE.
WE PAY FOR THE ENTIRE CALL.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]

WE PAY FOR THE ENTIRE CALL.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
AND HERE'S OUR FIRST CALLER ON

[TELEPHONE RINGS]
AND HERE'S OUR FIRST CALLER ON
"TALK BACK" RIGHT NOW!

HERE'S ANOTHER ISSUE THAT MAY
INTEREST YOU... "SOVIET
COMMUNISM... LET'S GIVE IT A

INTEREST YOU... "SOVIET
COMMUNISM... LET'S GIVE IT A
CHANCE."

COMMUNISM... LET'S GIVE IT A
CHANCE."
I'LL BET THERE ARE SOME OF YOU

CHANCE."
I'LL BET THERE ARE SOME OF YOU
WHO HAVE OPINIONS ON THIS ONE.

I'LL BET THERE ARE SOME OF YOU
WHO HAVE OPINIONS ON THIS ONE.
THAT'S SOVIET COMMUNISM HERE,

WHO HAVE OPINIONS ON THIS ONE.
THAT'S SOVIET COMMUNISM HERE,
HERE AND NOW, HERE IN THIS

THAT'S SOVIET COMMUNISM HERE,
HERE AND NOW, HERE IN THIS
COUNTRY, IN YOUR OWN COMMUNITY.

HERE AND NOW, HERE IN THIS
COUNTRY, IN YOUR OWN COMMUNITY.
I GUESS THERE ARE PLENTY OF

COUNTRY, IN YOUR OWN COMMUNITY.
I GUESS THERE ARE PLENTY OF
GOOD, RED-BLOODED AMERICANS OUT

I GUESS THERE ARE PLENTY OF
GOOD, RED-BLOODED AMERICANS OUT
THERE WHO'LL HAVE A LITTLE

GOOD, RED-BLOODED AMERICANS OUT
THERE WHO'LL HAVE A LITTLE
SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT THAT.

THERE WHO'LL HAVE A LITTLE
SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT THAT.
AND, IF THERE ARE, AND IF YOU

SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT THAT.
AND, IF THERE ARE, AND IF YOU
WANT TO TALK BACK TO ME,

AND, IF THERE ARE, AND IF YOU
WANT TO TALK BACK TO ME,
FRANK NOLAND, I'M PREPARED TO

WANT TO TALK BACK TO ME,
FRANK NOLAND, I'M PREPARED TO
TALK BACK TO YOU!

MAYBE YOU FORGOT TO MAKE A NOTE

OF THOSE NUMBERS.

THE NUMBERS AGAIN ARE...

AND I'M READY TO TALK BACK ON
THESE SAME TOPICS - "FEDERALLY
SUPPORTED MUNICIPAL BONDS,"

THESE SAME TOPICS - "FEDERALLY
SUPPORTED MUNICIPAL BONDS,"
"FORCED BUSING," AND "SOVIET

SUPPORTED MUNICIPAL BONDS,"
"FORCED BUSING," AND "SOVIET
COMMUNISM HERE AND NOW."

"FORCED BUSING," AND "SOVIET
COMMUNISM HERE AND NOW."
I, FRANK NOLAND, AM READY TO

COMMUNISM HERE AND NOW."
I, FRANK NOLAND, AM READY TO
TALK BACK TO YOU IN SUPPORT OF

I, FRANK NOLAND, AM READY TO
TALK BACK TO YOU IN SUPPORT OF
SPENDING FEDERAL FUNDS TO BUS

TALK BACK TO YOU IN SUPPORT OF
SPENDING FEDERAL FUNDS TO BUS
KNOWN SOVIET COMMUNISTS INTO

SPENDING FEDERAL FUNDS TO BUS
KNOWN SOVIET COMMUNISTS INTO
YOUR COMMUNITY NOW TO TEACH YOUR

KNOWN SOVIET COMMUNISTS INTO
YOUR COMMUNITY NOW TO TEACH YOUR
CHILDREN AND TO LIVE IN YOUR

YOUR COMMUNITY NOW TO TEACH YOUR
CHILDREN AND TO LIVE IN YOUR
HOUSE, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR

CHILDREN AND TO LIVE IN YOUR
HOUSE, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR
NOT.

HOUSE, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR
NOT.
NOW, IF ANYONE HAS ANOTHER

NOT.
NOW, IF ANYONE HAS ANOTHER
POSITION... AND IT'S YOUR RIGHT

NOW, IF ANYONE HAS ANOTHER
POSITION... AND IT'S YOUR RIGHT
AS AN AMERICAN TO DISAGREE...

POSITION... AND IT'S YOUR RIGHT
AS AN AMERICAN TO DISAGREE...
GIVE ME A CALL ON ONE OF THESE

AS AN AMERICAN TO DISAGREE...
GIVE ME A CALL ON ONE OF THESE
TOLL-FREE LINES.

GIVE ME A CALL ON ONE OF THESE
TOLL-FREE LINES.
CALL ME COLLECT!

TOLL-FREE LINES.
CALL ME COLLECT!
I'LL ANSWER AND I'LL TALK BACK

CALL ME COLLECT!
I'LL ANSWER AND I'LL TALK BACK
TO... I'LL TALK... I...

HOW ABOUT THIS?
"KILLING PUPPIES...
IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME."

"KILLING PUPPIES...
IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME."
THAT'S ME, FRANK NOLAND, AND I

IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME."
THAT'S ME, FRANK NOLAND, AND I
LIKE DEAD PUPPIES!

THAT'S ME, FRANK NOLAND, AND I
LIKE DEAD PUPPIES!
FRANKLY, I'M TOTALLY IN FAVOR OF

LIKE DEAD PUPPIES!
FRANKLY, I'M TOTALLY IN FAVOR OF
USING FEDERALLY SUPPORTED

FRANKLY, I'M TOTALLY IN FAVOR OF
USING FEDERALLY SUPPORTED
MUNICIPAL BONDS TO PAY FOR

USING FEDERALLY SUPPORTED
MUNICIPAL BONDS TO PAY FOR
FORCED BUSING OF SOVIET

MUNICIPAL BONDS TO PAY FOR
FORCED BUSING OF SOVIET
COMMUNISTS TO COME INTO YOUR

FORCED BUSING OF SOVIET
COMMUNISTS TO COME INTO YOUR
HOMES TO KILL YOUR PUPPIES!

COMMUNISTS TO COME INTO YOUR
HOMES TO KILL YOUR PUPPIES!
GIVE ME A CALL, WON'T YOU?

HOMES TO KILL YOUR PUPPIES!
GIVE ME A CALL, WON'T YOU?
THE LINES ARE OPEN.

GIVE ME A CALL, WON'T YOU?
THE LINES ARE OPEN.
TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT IT.

THE LINES ARE OPEN.
TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT IT.
DEAD, MANGLED PUPPIES.

TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT IT.
DEAD, MANGLED PUPPIES.
I LIKE THEM.

DEAD, MANGLED PUPPIES.
I LIKE THEM.
OKAY, WHILE YOU'RE THINKING

I LIKE THEM.
OKAY, WHILE YOU'RE THINKING
ABOUT THOSE TOPICS, HERE ARE A

OKAY, WHILE YOU'RE THINKING
ABOUT THOSE TOPICS, HERE ARE A
HALF-A-DOZEN OTHERS WHICH I,

ABOUT THOSE TOPICS, HERE ARE A
HALF-A-DOZEN OTHERS WHICH I,
FRANK NOLAND, AM PERSONALLY IN

HALF-A-DOZEN OTHERS WHICH I,
FRANK NOLAND, AM PERSONALLY IN
FAVOR OF... "ADOLF HITLER...

FRANK NOLAND, AM PERSONALLY IN
FAVOR OF... "ADOLF HITLER...
BOY, DO WE NEED HIM NOW."

FAVOR OF... "ADOLF HITLER...
BOY, DO WE NEED HIM NOW."
HUH? WHAT ABOUT THAT?

BOY, DO WE NEED HIM NOW."
HUH? WHAT ABOUT THAT?
HEY... "INCEST... I PRACTICE IT.

HUH? WHAT ABOUT THAT?
HEY... "INCEST... I PRACTICE IT.
WHY DON'T YOU?"

HEY... "INCEST... I PRACTICE IT.
WHY DON'T YOU?"
GIVE ME A CALL.

WHY DON'T YOU?"
GIVE ME A CALL.
TALK TO ME ABOUT IT.

GIVE ME A CALL.
TALK TO ME ABOUT IT.
"NO TOILETS FOR THE BLIND"?

TALK TO ME ABOUT IT.
"NO TOILETS FOR THE BLIND"?
CALL ME!

"NO TOILETS FOR THE BLIND"?
CALL ME!
CALL ME IF YOU'RE WATCHING,

CALL ME!
CALL ME IF YOU'RE WATCHING,
AND...

CALL ME IF YOU'RE WATCHING,
AND...
FRANK? FRANK, HONEY?

AND...
FRANK? FRANK, HONEY?
"THE OZONE LAYER... LET'S GET

FRANK? FRANK, HONEY?
"THE OZONE LAYER... LET'S GET
RID OF IT."

"THE OZONE LAYER... LET'S GET
RID OF IT."
FRANK, HONEY, LET'S GO HOME.

RID OF IT."
FRANK, HONEY, LET'S GO HOME.
HOW ABOUT "SUICIDE... FUN FOR

FRANK, HONEY, LET'S GO HOME.
HOW ABOUT "SUICIDE... FUN FOR
THE ELDERLY"?

HOW ABOUT "SUICIDE... FUN FOR
THE ELDERLY"?
I-I... WHAT HAPPENED?

THE ELDERLY"?
I-I... WHAT HAPPENED?
NOBODY CALLED.

I-I... WHAT HAPPENED?
NOBODY CALLED.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.

NOBODY CALLED.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.
WHAT ABOUT NUNS?

I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.
WHAT ABOUT NUNS?
Announcer: JOIN US AGAIN

WHAT ABOUT NUNS?
Announcer: JOIN US AGAIN
TOMORROW ON "TALK BACK."

Announcer: JOIN US AGAIN
TOMORROW ON "TALK BACK."
FRANK NOLAND TALKS TO THE

TOMORROW ON "TALK BACK."
FRANK NOLAND TALKS TO THE
PUBLIC.

FRANK NOLAND TALKS TO THE
PUBLIC.
YOU, THE PUBLIC, TALK TO

PUBLIC.
YOU, THE PUBLIC, TALK TO
FRANK NOLAND!

YOU, THE PUBLIC, TALK TO
FRANK NOLAND!
HE LISTENS ON "TALK BACK."

[Southern accent] IN THESE
DAYS OF RUNAWAY INFLATION, THERE
AREN'T MANY FAMILY RESTAURANTS

DAYS OF RUNAWAY INFLATION, THERE
AREN'T MANY FAMILY RESTAURANTS
LEFT WITH QUALITY SERVICE AND

AREN'T MANY FAMILY RESTAURANTS
LEFT WITH QUALITY SERVICE AND
GOOD FOOD VALUE.

LEFT WITH QUALITY SERVICE AND
GOOD FOOD VALUE.
NOW, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THE

GOOD FOOD VALUE.
NOW, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THE
KIND OF RESTAURANT THAT DOESN'T

NOW, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THE
KIND OF RESTAURANT THAT DOESN'T
SACRIFICE THAT SUNDAY-DINNER

KIND OF RESTAURANT THAT DOESN'T
SACRIFICE THAT SUNDAY-DINNER
FEELING AND STILL SERVES THE

SACRIFICE THAT SUNDAY-DINNER
FEELING AND STILL SERVES THE
FAMILY A TASTY MEAL AT HOMETOWN

FEELING AND STILL SERVES THE
FAMILY A TASTY MEAL AT HOMETOWN
PRICES.

FAMILY A TASTY MEAL AT HOMETOWN
PRICES.
THEY JUST DON'T SEEM TO BE

PRICES.
THEY JUST DON'T SEEM TO BE
AROUND ANYMORE, EXCEPT

THEY JUST DON'T SEEM TO BE
AROUND ANYMORE, EXCEPT
ONE... DELL STATOR'S 99-CENT

AROUND ANYMORE, EXCEPT
ONE... DELL STATOR'S 99-CENT
TOAD RANCH!

ONE... DELL STATOR'S 99-CENT
TOAD RANCH!
HI, I'M KENNY SLUNGARD, CHIEF

TOAD RANCH!
HI, I'M KENNY SLUNGARD, CHIEF
RUSTLER FOR DELL STATOR'S

HI, I'M KENNY SLUNGARD, CHIEF
RUSTLER FOR DELL STATOR'S
99-CENT TOAD RANCHES, HOME OF

RUSTLER FOR DELL STATOR'S
99-CENT TOAD RANCHES, HOME OF
THE WORLD-FAMOUS DELL STATOR

99-CENT TOAD RANCHES, HOME OF
THE WORLD-FAMOUS DELL STATOR
TOAD PIT AND THE DELL STATOR

THE WORLD-FAMOUS DELL STATOR
TOAD PIT AND THE DELL STATOR
PATENTED BROILING METHOD, WHERE

TOAD PIT AND THE DELL STATOR
PATENTED BROILING METHOD, WHERE
WE CAN GUARANTEE YOU THE BEST

PATENTED BROILING METHOD, WHERE
WE CAN GUARANTEE YOU THE BEST
99-CENT TOAD STEAK YOU'LL EVER

WE CAN GUARANTEE YOU THE BEST
99-CENT TOAD STEAK YOU'LL EVER
EAT.

99-CENT TOAD STEAK YOU'LL EVER
EAT.
HOW?

EAT.
HOW?
BECAUSE AT EVERY DELL STATOR

HOW?
BECAUSE AT EVERY DELL STATOR
99-CENT TOAD RANCH WE BREED OUR

BECAUSE AT EVERY DELL STATOR
99-CENT TOAD RANCH WE BREED OUR
OWN TOADS RIGHT ON THE PREMISES,

99-CENT TOAD RANCH WE BREED OUR
OWN TOADS RIGHT ON THE PREMISES,
LIKE THESE PLUMP, YOUNG TOAD

OWN TOADS RIGHT ON THE PREMISES,
LIKE THESE PLUMP, YOUNG TOAD
STEERS, RIGHT HERE IN ONE OF THE

LIKE THESE PLUMP, YOUNG TOAD
STEERS, RIGHT HERE IN ONE OF THE
STATOR TOAD PITS, RIGHT HERE.

PICK YOUR OWN, JUST LIKE I'M

DOING, RIGHT OUT OF THE STATOR

TOAD PIT.

ALL OF DELL STATOR'S TOADS ARE

BUTTERFLY- AND FIREFLY-FED,

COATED IN DELL STATOR'S SPECIAL

SAUCE, AND THEY ARE THE ONLY

TOADS THAT ARE PREPARED USING

THE STATOR-PATENTED BROILING

METHOD IN THE WORLD-FAMOUS

STATOR TOAD PIT, TO GIVE YOU AND

YOUR FAMILY THE THICKEST,

JUICIEST TOAD STEAKS AND ROASTS

YOU'VE EVER EATEN.

ALL RIGHT, NOW.

[LAUGHS]

HOW IS EVERYTHING, FOLKS?

THAT'S REAL TASTY TOAD!
I CAN'T THINK OF A TIME WHEN
WE'VE HAD BETTER TOAD!

I CAN'T THINK OF A TIME WHEN
WE'VE HAD BETTER TOAD!
YEAH!

WE'VE HAD BETTER TOAD!
YEAH!
SO COME ON DOWN TO YOUR LOCAL

YEAH!
SO COME ON DOWN TO YOUR LOCAL
DELL STATOR'S 99-CENT TOAD RANCH

SO COME ON DOWN TO YOUR LOCAL
DELL STATOR'S 99-CENT TOAD RANCH
AND GET IN ON THAT BIG

DELL STATOR'S 99-CENT TOAD RANCH
AND GET IN ON THAT BIG
BICENTENNIAL TOAD DRIVE!

AND GET IN ON THAT BIG
BICENTENNIAL TOAD DRIVE!
HO! LOOKS LIKE THIS HERD'S JUST

BICENTENNIAL TOAD DRIVE!
HO! LOOKS LIKE THIS HERD'S JUST
ABOUT READY HERE!

HO! LOOKS LIKE THIS HERD'S JUST
ABOUT READY HERE!
YEAH!

ABOUT READY HERE!
YEAH!
♪ WHEN YOU'RE AT HOME OR ON

YEAH!
♪ WHEN YOU'RE AT HOME OR ON
THE ROAD ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE AT HOME OR ON
THE ROAD ♪
♪ AND YOU'VE GOT TO STOP WHEN

THE ROAD ♪
♪ AND YOU'VE GOT TO STOP WHEN
YOU CRAVE THAT TOAD ♪

♪ AND YOU'VE GOT TO STOP WHEN
YOU CRAVE THAT TOAD ♪
♪ DELL STATOR'S, DELL STATOR'S ♪

YOU CRAVE THAT TOAD ♪
♪ DELL STATOR'S, DELL STATOR'S ♪
♪ DELL STATOR'S FAMILY TOAD

♪ DELL STATOR'S, DELL STATOR'S ♪
♪ DELL STATOR'S FAMILY TOAD
RANCH ♪

♪ DELL STATOR'S FAMILY TOAD
RANCH ♪
YEAH, AND, YOU KNOW, I'M THE

RANCH ♪
YEAH, AND, YOU KNOW, I'M THE
KIND THAT LOVES TO EAT THEM RAW.

[HICCUPS]
MMM! BRISKET OR TOAD?
FANTASTIC!

MMM! BRISKET OR TOAD?
FANTASTIC!
AND HERE'S SOMETHING ELSE THAT'S

FANTASTIC!
AND HERE'S SOMETHING ELSE THAT'S
FANTASTIC.

AND HERE'S SOMETHING ELSE THAT'S
FANTASTIC.
ALL THE WAY FROM CANADA, HERE IS

FANTASTIC.
ALL THE WAY FROM CANADA, HERE IS
GORDON LIGHTFOOT.

ALL THE WAY FROM CANADA, HERE IS
GORDON LIGHTFOOT.
[APPLAUSE]

GORDON LIGHTFOOT.
[APPLAUSE]
["SUMMERTIME DREAM" PLAYING]

[APPLAUSE]
["SUMMERTIME DREAM" PLAYING]
♪ WHERE THE ROAD RUNS DOWN BY

["SUMMERTIME DREAM" PLAYING]
♪ WHERE THE ROAD RUNS DOWN BY
THE BUTTERNUT GROVE ♪

♪ WHERE THE ROAD RUNS DOWN BY
THE BUTTERNUT GROVE ♪
♪ TO OLD BILL SKINNER'S STREAM ♪

THE BUTTERNUT GROVE ♪
♪ TO OLD BILL SKINNER'S STREAM ♪
♪ DO TELL AT THE NOONDAY BELL ♪

♪ TO OLD BILL SKINNER'S STREAM ♪
♪ DO TELL AT THE NOONDAY BELL ♪
♪ IT'S TIME FOR A SUMMERTIME

♪ DO TELL AT THE NOONDAY BELL ♪
♪ IT'S TIME FOR A SUMMERTIME
DREAM ♪

♪ IT'S TIME FOR A SUMMERTIME
DREAM ♪
♪ IN A LUNCH-PAIL TOWN, IN A

DREAM ♪
♪ IN A LUNCH-PAIL TOWN, IN A
ONE-HORSE WAY ♪

♪ IN A LUNCH-PAIL TOWN, IN A
ONE-HORSE WAY ♪
♪ YOU CAN LIVE LIKE A KING AND

ONE-HORSE WAY ♪
♪ YOU CAN LIVE LIKE A KING AND
QUEEN ♪

♪ YOU CAN LIVE LIKE A KING AND
QUEEN ♪
♪ LET'S STEAL AWAY IN THE

QUEEN ♪
♪ LET'S STEAL AWAY IN THE
NOONDAY SUN ♪

♪ LET'S STEAL AWAY IN THE
NOONDAY SUN ♪
♪ IT'S TIME FOR A SUMMERTIME

NOONDAY SUN ♪
♪ IT'S TIME FOR A SUMMERTIME
DREAM ♪

♪ IT'S TIME FOR A SUMMERTIME
DREAM ♪
♪ BIRDS IN ALL CREATION WILL BE

DREAM ♪
♪ BIRDS IN ALL CREATION WILL BE
TWITTERING IN THE TREES ♪

♪ BIRDS IN ALL CREATION WILL BE
TWITTERING IN THE TREES ♪
♪ AND DOWN BELOW'S A POND I

TWITTERING IN THE TREES ♪
♪ AND DOWN BELOW'S A POND I
KNOW ♪

♪ AND DOWN BELOW'S A POND I
KNOW ♪
♪ YOU CAN SWIM IN IT IF YOU

KNOW ♪
♪ YOU CAN SWIM IN IT IF YOU
PLEASE ♪

♪ YOU CAN SWIM IN IT IF YOU
PLEASE ♪
♪ SO IF YOU COME 'ROUND WHEN THE

PLEASE ♪
♪ SO IF YOU COME 'ROUND WHEN THE
MILL SHUTS DOWN ♪

♪ SO IF YOU COME 'ROUND WHEN THE
MILL SHUTS DOWN ♪
♪ YOU CAN SEE WHAT CHIVALRY

MILL SHUTS DOWN ♪
♪ YOU CAN SEE WHAT CHIVALRY
MEANS ♪

♪ YOU CAN SEE WHAT CHIVALRY
MEANS ♪
♪ LET'S STEAL AWAY IN THE

MEANS ♪
♪ LET'S STEAL AWAY IN THE
NOONDAY SUN ♪

♪ LET'S STEAL AWAY IN THE
NOONDAY SUN ♪
♪ IT'S TIME FOR A SUMMERTIME

NOONDAY SUN ♪
♪ IT'S TIME FOR A SUMMERTIME
DREAM ♪

♪ ON A TRIP ON DOWN TO
WONDERLAND ♪
♪ IN LOVE AMONG THE FLOWERS ♪

WONDERLAND ♪
♪ IN LOVE AMONG THE FLOWERS ♪
♪ WHERE TIME GETS LOST WITH NO

♪ IN LOVE AMONG THE FLOWERS ♪
♪ WHERE TIME GETS LOST WITH NO
STRAW BOSS ♪

♪ WHERE TIME GETS LOST WITH NO
STRAW BOSS ♪
♪ TALLYING UP THE HOURS ♪

STRAW BOSS ♪
♪ TALLYING UP THE HOURS ♪
♪ SO THE ROAD RUNS DOWN BY THE

♪ TALLYING UP THE HOURS ♪
♪ SO THE ROAD RUNS DOWN BY THE
BUTTERNUT GROVE ♪

♪ SO THE ROAD RUNS DOWN BY THE
BUTTERNUT GROVE ♪
♪ TO OLD BILL SKINNER'S STREAM ♪

BUTTERNUT GROVE ♪
♪ TO OLD BILL SKINNER'S STREAM ♪
♪ DO TELL AT THE NOONDAY BELL ♪

♪ TO OLD BILL SKINNER'S STREAM ♪
♪ DO TELL AT THE NOONDAY BELL ♪
♪ IT'S TIME FOR A SUMMERTIME

♪ DO TELL AT THE NOONDAY BELL ♪
♪ IT'S TIME FOR A SUMMERTIME
DREAM ♪

♪ AND THE BIRDS IN ALL
CREATION WILL BE TWITTERING IN
THE TREES ♪

CREATION WILL BE TWITTERING IN
THE TREES ♪
♪ AND DOWN BELOW'S A POND I

THE TREES ♪
♪ AND DOWN BELOW'S A POND I
KNOW ♪

♪ AND DOWN BELOW'S A POND I
KNOW ♪
♪ YOU CAN SWIM IN IT IF YOU

KNOW ♪
♪ YOU CAN SWIM IN IT IF YOU
PLEASE ♪

♪ YOU CAN SWIM IN IT IF YOU
PLEASE ♪
♪ THE ROAD RUNS DOWN BY THE

PLEASE ♪
♪ THE ROAD RUNS DOWN BY THE
BUTTERNUT GROVE ♪

♪ THE ROAD RUNS DOWN BY THE
BUTTERNUT GROVE ♪
♪ TO OLD BILL SKINNER'S STREAM ♪

BUTTERNUT GROVE ♪
♪ TO OLD BILL SKINNER'S STREAM ♪
♪ DO TELL AT THE NOONDAY BELL ♪

♪ TO OLD BILL SKINNER'S STREAM ♪
♪ DO TELL AT THE NOONDAY BELL ♪
♪ IT'S TIME FOR A SUMMERTIME

♪ DO TELL AT THE NOONDAY BELL ♪
♪ IT'S TIME FOR A SUMMERTIME
DREAM ♪

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THIS IS POLAROID'S DELUXE
SX-70 LINE CAMERA, AND THESE ARE
SOME PICTURES WE TOOK OF SOME OF

SX-70 LINE CAMERA, AND THESE ARE
SOME PICTURES WE TOOK OF SOME OF
OUR EMMY-AWARD WINNERS.

SOME PICTURES WE TOOK OF SOME OF
OUR EMMY-AWARD WINNERS.
WE TOOK THEM RIGHT HERE IN THE

OUR EMMY-AWARD WINNERS.
WE TOOK THEM RIGHT HERE IN THE
STUDIO, AND WE WATCHED THEM

WE TOOK THEM RIGHT HERE IN THE
STUDIO, AND WE WATCHED THEM
DEVELOP.

STUDIO, AND WE WATCHED THEM
DEVELOP.
NOW, HERE WE HAVE SARGENT AND

DEVELOP.
NOW, HERE WE HAVE SARGENT AND
MICHAEL O'DONOGHUE, TWO OF OUR

NOW, HERE WE HAVE SARGENT AND
MICHAEL O'DONOGHUE, TWO OF OUR
WRITERS, FROM THREE FEET.

MICHAEL O'DONOGHUE, TWO OF OUR
WRITERS, FROM THREE FEET.
THAT'S ABOUT AS CLOSE AS MOST

WRITERS, FROM THREE FEET.
THAT'S ABOUT AS CLOSE AS MOST
CAMERAS CAN GET.

THAT'S ABOUT AS CLOSE AS MOST
CAMERAS CAN GET.
AND HERE IS DAVEY WILSON, OUR

CAMERAS CAN GET.
AND HERE IS DAVEY WILSON, OUR
DIRECTOR.

AND HERE IS DAVEY WILSON, OUR
DIRECTOR.
AND HERE IS LORNE MICHAELS, OUR

DIRECTOR.
AND HERE IS LORNE MICHAELS, OUR
PRODUCER, FROM 10 INCHES.

AND HERE IS LORNE MICHAELS, OUR
PRODUCER, FROM 10 INCHES.
NOW, THAT'S A CLOSE-UP, RIGHT?

PRODUCER, FROM 10 INCHES.
NOW, THAT'S A CLOSE-UP, RIGHT?
YEAH, LORNE NEVER GOES ALONG

NOW, THAT'S A CLOSE-UP, RIGHT?
YEAH, LORNE NEVER GOES ALONG
WITH ANYTHING, DOES HE, GARRETT?

YEAH, LORNE NEVER GOES ALONG
WITH ANYTHING, DOES HE, GARRETT?
NO, HE DOESN'T.

WITH ANYTHING, DOES HE, GARRETT?
NO, HE DOESN'T.
HEY, COME ON DOWN HERE AND TAKE

NO, HE DOESN'T.
HEY, COME ON DOWN HERE AND TAKE
A LOOK AT THIS.

HEY, COME ON DOWN HERE AND TAKE
A LOOK AT THIS.
NO, I CAN'T. I'M WORKING.

A LOOK AT THIS.
NO, I CAN'T. I'M WORKING.
OKAY, WELL, YOU STAY UP

NO, I CAN'T. I'M WORKING.
OKAY, WELL, YOU STAY UP
THERE, BUT THIS IS CLOSER THAN

OKAY, WELL, YOU STAY UP
THERE, BUT THIS IS CLOSER THAN
MOST CAMERAS CAN GET WITHOUT A

THERE, BUT THIS IS CLOSER THAN
MOST CAMERAS CAN GET WITHOUT A
SPECIAL LENS.

MOST CAMERAS CAN GET WITHOUT A
SPECIAL LENS.
AND WITH THE SX-70, YOU JUST

SPECIAL LENS.
AND WITH THE SX-70, YOU JUST
PEEP THROUGH THE VIEWFINDER, AND

AND WITH THE SX-70, YOU JUST
PEEP THROUGH THE VIEWFINDER, AND
YOU FOCUS THE LENS SO THE

PEEP THROUGH THE VIEWFINDER, AND
YOU FOCUS THE LENS SO THE
PICTURE YOU SEE IS THE PICTURE

YOU FOCUS THE LENS SO THE
PICTURE YOU SEE IS THE PICTURE
YOU GET.

PICTURE YOU SEE IS THE PICTURE
YOU GET.
GARRETT, TAKE A PICTURE OF

YOU GET.
GARRETT, TAKE A PICTURE OF
ME.

GARRETT, TAKE A PICTURE OF
ME.
OKAY, AND THEN YOU JUST...

ME.
OKAY, AND THEN YOU JUST...
PRESS THE BUTTON, AND IN

OKAY, AND THEN YOU JUST...
PRESS THE BUTTON, AND IN
MINUTES, YOU KNOW, THE PICTURE

PRESS THE BUTTON, AND IN
MINUTES, YOU KNOW, THE PICTURE
IS DEVELOPED.

MINUTES, YOU KNOW, THE PICTURE
IS DEVELOPED.
UH...

IS DEVELOPED.
UH...
THAT'S ALL RIGHT, BABY.

UH...
THAT'S ALL RIGHT, BABY.
[LAUGHS]

THAT'S ALL RIGHT, BABY.
[LAUGHS]
POLAROID'S SX-70... FOR COLOR

[LAUGHS]
POLAROID'S SX-70... FOR COLOR
PICTURES FROM 10.4 INCHES TO

POLAROID'S SX-70... FOR COLOR
PICTURES FROM 10.4 INCHES TO
INFINITY WHILE YOU WATCH.

Announcer: AND NOW, "WEEKEND
UPDATE," WITH CHEVY CHASE.
WELL, IF YOU THINK HOT FUDGE

UPDATE," WITH CHEVY CHASE.
WELL, IF YOU THINK HOT FUDGE
SAUCE IS FATTENING, WE CAN PUT

WELL, IF YOU THINK HOT FUDGE
SAUCE IS FATTENING, WE CAN PUT
YOGURT.

SAUCE IS FATTENING, WE CAN PUT
YOGURT.
LOOK, I... I GOT TO GO.

YOGURT.
LOOK, I... I GOT TO GO.
GOOD EVENING.

LOOK, I... I GOT TO GO.
GOOD EVENING.
I'M CHEVY CHASE, AND I LOVE TO

GOOD EVENING.
I'M CHEVY CHASE, AND I LOVE TO
SQUEEZE THINGS.

I'M CHEVY CHASE, AND I LOVE TO
SQUEEZE THINGS.
IN THE TOP OF THE NEWS TONIGHT,

SQUEEZE THINGS.
IN THE TOP OF THE NEWS TONIGHT,
SENATOR EDWARD M. KENNEDY HAS

IN THE TOP OF THE NEWS TONIGHT,
SENATOR EDWARD M. KENNEDY HAS
SAID THAT HE WILL ACCEPT A DRAFT

SENATOR EDWARD M. KENNEDY HAS
SAID THAT HE WILL ACCEPT A DRAFT
AS THE DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL

SAID THAT HE WILL ACCEPT A DRAFT
AS THE DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL
NOMINEE IF THE NATION AND PARTY

AS THE DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL
NOMINEE IF THE NATION AND PARTY
NEEDS HIM AND THAT, FURTHERMORE,

NOMINEE IF THE NATION AND PARTY
NEEDS HIM AND THAT, FURTHERMORE,
HE WOULD MAKE HIMSELF AVAILABLE

NEEDS HIM AND THAT, FURTHERMORE,
HE WOULD MAKE HIMSELF AVAILABLE
FOR THE VICE PRESIDENTIAL SLOT

HE WOULD MAKE HIMSELF AVAILABLE
FOR THE VICE PRESIDENTIAL SLOT
UNDER HUBERT HUMPHREY.

FOR THE VICE PRESIDENTIAL SLOT
UNDER HUBERT HUMPHREY.
IN A RELATED STORY, SENATOR

UNDER HUBERT HUMPHREY.
IN A RELATED STORY, SENATOR
EDWARD M. KENNEDY HAS DENIED

IN A RELATED STORY, SENATOR
EDWARD M. KENNEDY HAS DENIED
THAT HE WOULD BOW TO A DRAFT

EDWARD M. KENNEDY HAS DENIED
THAT HE WOULD BOW TO A DRAFT
MOVEMENT TO ACCEPT THE

THAT HE WOULD BOW TO A DRAFT
MOVEMENT TO ACCEPT THE
DEMOCRATIC NOMINATION UNDER ANY

MOVEMENT TO ACCEPT THE
DEMOCRATIC NOMINATION UNDER ANY
CIRCUMSTANCES OR THAT HE WOULD

DEMOCRATIC NOMINATION UNDER ANY
CIRCUMSTANCES OR THAT HE WOULD
ACCEPT A VICE PRESIDENTIAL DRAFT

CIRCUMSTANCES OR THAT HE WOULD
ACCEPT A VICE PRESIDENTIAL DRAFT
IF HUBERT HUMPHREY HEADED THE

ACCEPT A VICE PRESIDENTIAL DRAFT
IF HUBERT HUMPHREY HEADED THE
TICKET.

IF HUBERT HUMPHREY HEADED THE
TICKET.
AND HERE'S A LATE DEVELOPMENT.

TICKET.
AND HERE'S A LATE DEVELOPMENT.
SENATOR EDWARD M. KENNEDY IS

AND HERE'S A LATE DEVELOPMENT.
SENATOR EDWARD M. KENNEDY IS
ALLEGED TO HAVE STATED TONIGHT

SENATOR EDWARD M. KENNEDY IS
ALLEGED TO HAVE STATED TONIGHT
THAT IF HUBERT HUMPHREY IS

ALLEGED TO HAVE STATED TONIGHT
THAT IF HUBERT HUMPHREY IS
DRAFTED, HE WILL ACCEPT A DRAFT

THAT IF HUBERT HUMPHREY IS
DRAFTED, HE WILL ACCEPT A DRAFT
TO STOP THE "DRAFT HUMPHREY"

DRAFTED, HE WILL ACCEPT A DRAFT
TO STOP THE "DRAFT HUMPHREY"
MOVE BUT WILL NOT ACCEPT

TO STOP THE "DRAFT HUMPHREY"
MOVE BUT WILL NOT ACCEPT
HUMPHREY AS HIS

MOVE BUT WILL NOT ACCEPT
HUMPHREY AS HIS
VICE PRESIDENTIAL RUNNING MATE

HUMPHREY AS HIS
VICE PRESIDENTIAL RUNNING MATE
UNLESS THE FORMER VICE PRESIDENT

VICE PRESIDENTIAL RUNNING MATE
UNLESS THE FORMER VICE PRESIDENT
IS DRAFT AS VICE PRESIDENT, BUT

UNLESS THE FORMER VICE PRESIDENT
IS DRAFT AS VICE PRESIDENT, BUT
NOT PRESIDENT.

IS DRAFT AS VICE PRESIDENT, BUT
NOT PRESIDENT.
KENNEDY SAYS HIS POSITION HAS

NOT PRESIDENT.
KENNEDY SAYS HIS POSITION HAS
ALWAYS BEEN CLEAR ON THIS,

KENNEDY SAYS HIS POSITION HAS
ALWAYS BEEN CLEAR ON THIS,
WHATEVER IT IS.

ALWAYS BEEN CLEAR ON THIS,
WHATEVER IT IS.
EVEN THOUGH RECENT GALLUP POLLS

WHATEVER IT IS.
EVEN THOUGH RECENT GALLUP POLLS
SHOW THAT KENNEDY, HUMPHREY, OR

EVEN THOUGH RECENT GALLUP POLLS
SHOW THAT KENNEDY, HUMPHREY, OR
CARTER WOULD PROBABLY WIN IN AN

SHOW THAT KENNEDY, HUMPHREY, OR
CARTER WOULD PROBABLY WIN IN AN
ELECTION AGAINST ALLEGED

CARTER WOULD PROBABLY WIN IN AN
ELECTION AGAINST ALLEGED
PRESIDENT GERALD FORD IF HELD

ELECTION AGAINST ALLEGED
PRESIDENT GERALD FORD IF HELD
TOMORROW, THE CHIEF OF STATE IS

PRESIDENT GERALD FORD IF HELD
TOMORROW, THE CHIEF OF STATE IS
STILL OPTIMISTIC.

TOMORROW, THE CHIEF OF STATE IS
STILL OPTIMISTIC.
FORD IS SEEN HERE TRYING FOR THE

STILL OPTIMISTIC.
FORD IS SEEN HERE TRYING FOR THE
FOURTH TIME TO SHAKE HANDS WITH

FORD IS SEEN HERE TRYING FOR THE
FOURTH TIME TO SHAKE HANDS WITH
GEORGE ROMNEY.

FOURTH TIME TO SHAKE HANDS WITH
GEORGE ROMNEY.
ROMNEY LATER COMMENTED, "IF THE

GEORGE ROMNEY.
ROMNEY LATER COMMENTED, "IF THE
PRESIDENT HAD ONLY STEPPED

ROMNEY LATER COMMENTED, "IF THE
PRESIDENT HAD ONLY STEPPED
FORWARD ONE OR TWO FEET, HE

PRESIDENT HAD ONLY STEPPED
FORWARD ONE OR TWO FEET, HE
PROBABLY WOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO

FORWARD ONE OR TWO FEET, HE
PROBABLY WOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO
REACH MY HAND."

PROBABLY WOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO
REACH MY HAND."
A NEW GALLUP POLL HAS REVEALED

REACH MY HAND."
A NEW GALLUP POLL HAS REVEALED
THAT 73% OF AMERICANS WOULD FIND

A NEW GALLUP POLL HAS REVEALED
THAT 73% OF AMERICANS WOULD FIND
A FEMALE PRESIDENT ACCEPTABLE.

THAT 73% OF AMERICANS WOULD FIND
A FEMALE PRESIDENT ACCEPTABLE.
OF THE REMAINDER, 14% WANTED A

A FEMALE PRESIDENT ACCEPTABLE.
OF THE REMAINDER, 14% WANTED A
MAN, 7% WERE UNCOMMITTED, AND 6%

OF THE REMAINDER, 14% WANTED A
MAN, 7% WERE UNCOMMITTED, AND 6%
PREFERRED DAVID BOWIE.

MAN, 7% WERE UNCOMMITTED, AND 6%
PREFERRED DAVID BOWIE.
[CHUCKLES]

PREFERRED DAVID BOWIE.
[CHUCKLES]
THE AIR FRANCE CONCORDE FLEW

[CHUCKLES]
THE AIR FRANCE CONCORDE FLEW
PRESIDENT

THE AIR FRANCE CONCORDE FLEW
PRESIDENT
VALéRY GISCARD d'ESTAING TO

PRESIDENT
VALéRY GISCARD d'ESTAING TO
WASHINGTON LAST WEEK AT A SPEED

VALéRY GISCARD d'ESTAING TO
WASHINGTON LAST WEEK AT A SPEED
OF SOME 1,400 MILES PER HOUR.

WASHINGTON LAST WEEK AT A SPEED
OF SOME 1,400 MILES PER HOUR.
THE LEADER'S METABOLISM WAS SO

OF SOME 1,400 MILES PER HOUR.
THE LEADER'S METABOLISM WAS SO
THROWN OFF BY THE SPEED OF THE

THE LEADER'S METABOLISM WAS SO
THROWN OFF BY THE SPEED OF THE
FLIGHT THAT HE ARRIVED AT THE

THROWN OFF BY THE SPEED OF THE
FLIGHT THAT HE ARRIVED AT THE
WHITE HOUSE, ATE A CHEESE

FLIGHT THAT HE ARRIVED AT THE
WHITE HOUSE, ATE A CHEESE
DANISH, SWALLOWED A CUP OF

WHITE HOUSE, ATE A CHEESE
DANISH, SWALLOWED A CUP OF
COFFEE, SNEEZED, AND FLEW TO

DANISH, SWALLOWED A CUP OF
COFFEE, SNEEZED, AND FLEW TO
HOUSTON WITHOUT SAYING A WORD TO

COFFEE, SNEEZED, AND FLEW TO
HOUSTON WITHOUT SAYING A WORD TO
MR. FORD.

HOUSTON WITHOUT SAYING A WORD TO
MR. FORD.
LATER, d'ESTAING ANNOUNCED THAT

MR. FORD.
LATER, d'ESTAING ANNOUNCED THAT
AS A PART OF A NEW CULTURAL

LATER, d'ESTAING ANNOUNCED THAT
AS A PART OF A NEW CULTURAL
INCENTIVE PROGRAM TO DRAW

AS A PART OF A NEW CULTURAL
INCENTIVE PROGRAM TO DRAW
VOLUNTEERS INTO THE ARMED

INCENTIVE PROGRAM TO DRAW
VOLUNTEERS INTO THE ARMED
SERVICES, THE NEW FRENCH ARMY

VOLUNTEERS INTO THE ARMED
SERVICES, THE NEW FRENCH ARMY
WILL BE ARMED WITH TRUMPETS AND

SERVICES, THE NEW FRENCH ARMY
WILL BE ARMED WITH TRUMPETS AND
BUGLES INSTEAD OF RIFLES.

WILL BE ARMED WITH TRUMPETS AND
BUGLES INSTEAD OF RIFLES.
WELL, SOUTH DAKOTA SENATOR

BUGLES INSTEAD OF RIFLES.
WELL, SOUTH DAKOTA SENATOR
GEORGE McGOVERN, WHO TOOK ONLY

WELL, SOUTH DAKOTA SENATOR
GEORGE McGOVERN, WHO TOOK ONLY
MASSACHUSETTS AND THE

GEORGE McGOVERN, WHO TOOK ONLY
MASSACHUSETTS AND THE
DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA AS THE 1972

MASSACHUSETTS AND THE
DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA AS THE 1972
DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL NOMINEE

DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA AS THE 1972
DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL NOMINEE
AGAINST RICHARD NIXON, HAS

DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL NOMINEE
AGAINST RICHARD NIXON, HAS
THROWN HIS SUPPORT BEHIND

AGAINST RICHARD NIXON, HAS
THROWN HIS SUPPORT BEHIND
MORRIS UDALL FOR THIS YEAR'S

THROWN HIS SUPPORT BEHIND
MORRIS UDALL FOR THIS YEAR'S
DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION.

MORRIS UDALL FOR THIS YEAR'S
DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION.
UDALL SAYS HE CONSIDERS THE

DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION.
UDALL SAYS HE CONSIDERS THE
SENATOR'S ENDORSEMENT A SLAP ON

UDALL SAYS HE CONSIDERS THE
SENATOR'S ENDORSEMENT A SLAP ON
THE BACK AND THE KISS OF DEATH.

SENATOR'S ENDORSEMENT A SLAP ON
THE BACK AND THE KISS OF DEATH.
"OLD BLUE EYES" HIMSELF,

THE BACK AND THE KISS OF DEATH.
"OLD BLUE EYES" HIMSELF,
FRANK SINATRA, SHOWN HERE WITH

"OLD BLUE EYES" HIMSELF,
FRANK SINATRA, SHOWN HERE WITH
HIS NEW FIANCéE, THE FORMER

FRANK SINATRA, SHOWN HERE WITH
HIS NEW FIANCéE, THE FORMER
MRS. ZEPPO MARX, IS BACK IN THE

HIS NEW FIANCéE, THE FORMER
MRS. ZEPPO MARX, IS BACK IN THE
GOSSIP PAGES AGAIN.

MRS. ZEPPO MARX, IS BACK IN THE
GOSSIP PAGES AGAIN.
AND SOURCES REPORT THAT NOBODY

GOSSIP PAGES AGAIN.
AND SOURCES REPORT THAT NOBODY
IS INTERESTED AND NOBODY CARES.

AND SOURCES REPORT THAT NOBODY
IS INTERESTED AND NOBODY CARES.
SERIOUS NOTE... REPORTS THAT A

IS INTERESTED AND NOBODY CARES.
SERIOUS NOTE... REPORTS THAT A
MASSIVE, WIDE-SCALE SEARCH IN

SERIOUS NOTE... REPORTS THAT A
MASSIVE, WIDE-SCALE SEARCH IN
PARTS OF KENTUCKY, TENNESSEE,

MASSIVE, WIDE-SCALE SEARCH IN
PARTS OF KENTUCKY, TENNESSEE,
INDIANA, MICHIGAN, AND THE

PARTS OF KENTUCKY, TENNESSEE,
INDIANA, MICHIGAN, AND THE
GREAT LAKES REGION.

INDIANA, MICHIGAN, AND THE
GREAT LAKES REGION.
FORMER GOVERNOR RONALD REAGAN OF

GREAT LAKES REGION.
FORMER GOVERNOR RONALD REAGAN OF
CALIFORNIA REMOVED HIS RIGHT

FORMER GOVERNOR RONALD REAGAN OF
CALIFORNIA REMOVED HIS RIGHT
EYEBROW FROM HIS FACE AT A

CALIFORNIA REMOVED HIS RIGHT
EYEBROW FROM HIS FACE AT A
CAMPAIGN RALLY IN NEVADA ON

EYEBROW FROM HIS FACE AT A
CAMPAIGN RALLY IN NEVADA ON
WEDNESDAY.

CAMPAIGN RALLY IN NEVADA ON
WEDNESDAY.
HE GAVE REPORTERS NO, UH, REASON

WEDNESDAY.
HE GAVE REPORTERS NO, UH, REASON
FOR HIS ACTION.

HE GAVE REPORTERS NO, UH, REASON
FOR HIS ACTION.
TOY BOAT.

FOR HIS ACTION.
TOY BOAT.
THE SURGEON GENERAL HAS DECLARED

TOY BOAT.
THE SURGEON GENERAL HAS DECLARED
FORMER GOVERNOR JIMMY CARTER'S

THE SURGEON GENERAL HAS DECLARED
FORMER GOVERNOR JIMMY CARTER'S
TEETH DANGEROUS AND LETHAL

FORMER GOVERNOR JIMMY CARTER'S
TEETH DANGEROUS AND LETHAL
WEAPONS AND HAS ASKED THE

TEETH DANGEROUS AND LETHAL
WEAPONS AND HAS ASKED THE
CONGRESS FOR STRENUOUS

WEAPONS AND HAS ASKED THE
CONGRESS FOR STRENUOUS
TOOTH-CONTROL LEGISLATION.

CONGRESS FOR STRENUOUS
TOOTH-CONTROL LEGISLATION.
ALSO IN THE NEWS, PENDING AN

TOOTH-CONTROL LEGISLATION.
ALSO IN THE NEWS, PENDING AN
APPEAL, TOMMY RETTIG, WHO ONCE

ALSO IN THE NEWS, PENDING AN
APPEAL, TOMMY RETTIG, WHO ONCE
STARRED IN THE POPULAR TV SERIES

APPEAL, TOMMY RETTIG, WHO ONCE
STARRED IN THE POPULAR TV SERIES
"LASSIE," HAS BEEN SENTENCED TO

STARRED IN THE POPULAR TV SERIES
"LASSIE," HAS BEEN SENTENCED TO
3 1/2 YEARS FOR CONSPIRACY TO

"LASSIE," HAS BEEN SENTENCED TO
3 1/2 YEARS FOR CONSPIRACY TO
SMUGGLE COCAINE.

3 1/2 YEARS FOR CONSPIRACY TO
SMUGGLE COCAINE.
FEW KNEW THAT HE WAS REALLY ONE

SMUGGLE COCAINE.
FEW KNEW THAT HE WAS REALLY ONE
OF DOZENS OF TOMMY RETTIGS

FEW KNEW THAT HE WAS REALLY ONE
OF DOZENS OF TOMMY RETTIGS
RAISED AT THE RUDD WEATHERWAX

OF DOZENS OF TOMMY RETTIGS
RAISED AT THE RUDD WEATHERWAX
RANCH OUTSIDE

RAISED AT THE RUDD WEATHERWAX
RANCH OUTSIDE
CARSON CITY, NEVADA.

RANCH OUTSIDE
CARSON CITY, NEVADA.
THERE, RETTIGS LEARNED TO MOVE

CARSON CITY, NEVADA.
THERE, RETTIGS LEARNED TO MOVE
AND SPEAK TO A TRAINER'S SECRET

THERE, RETTIGS LEARNED TO MOVE
AND SPEAK TO A TRAINER'S SECRET
HAND SIGNALS, EACH MASTERING