Saturday Night Live (1975–…): Season 1, Episode 20 - Dyan Cannon/Leon & Mary Russell - full transcript

The host for the episode is Dyan Cannon, and the musical guests are Leon & Mary Russell. The skits for this episode are as follows: Chevy Chase, lying on his back after a tremendous fall, is informed that the control room clock wa...

LIVE FROM NEW YORK...
HOLD IT, CHEVY, HOLD IT.
CHEVY, HOLD IT.

HOLD IT, CHEVY, HOLD IT.
CHEVY, HOLD IT.
IT'S SA...

CHEVY, HOLD IT.
IT'S SA...
CHEVY, PLEASE HOLD IT.

IT'S SA...
CHEVY, PLEASE HOLD IT.
WE... WE DIDN'T GET THE FALL ON

CHEVY, PLEASE HOLD IT.
WE... WE DIDN'T GET THE FALL ON
THE AIR, CHEVY.

WE... WE DIDN'T GET THE FALL ON
THE AIR, CHEVY.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

THE AIR, CHEVY.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
I JUST DID IT FOR THE AUDIENCE.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
I JUST DID IT FOR THE AUDIENCE.
THEY... I GOT THE CUE AND DID

I JUST DID IT FOR THE AUDIENCE.
THEY... I GOT THE CUE AND DID
THE FALL.

THEY... I GOT THE CUE AND DID
THE FALL.
I'M SORRY, CHEVY.

THE FALL.
I'M SORRY, CHEVY.
THE CLOCK IN THE CONTROL ROOM



I'M SORRY, CHEVY.
THE CLOCK IN THE CONTROL ROOM
WAS A MINUTE FAST, AND WE... WE

THE CLOCK IN THE CONTROL ROOM
WAS A MINUTE FAST, AND WE... WE
DIDN'T GET IT ON THE AIR.

WAS A MINUTE FAST, AND WE... WE
DIDN'T GET IT ON THE AIR.
I WONDER IF YOU COULD DO IT

DIDN'T GET IT ON THE AIR.
I WONDER IF YOU COULD DO IT
AGAIN.

I WONDER IF YOU COULD DO IT
AGAIN.
WELL, I-I CAN DO IT AGAIN.

AGAIN.
WELL, I-I CAN DO IT AGAIN.
I... WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF THE

WELL, I-I CAN DO IT AGAIN.
I... WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF THE
GUYS AT THE POKER GAME AND ALL

I... WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF THE
GUYS AT THE POKER GAME AND ALL
THAT?

GUYS AT THE POKER GAME AND ALL
THAT?
CAN WE GET THEM OUT HERE?

THAT?
CAN WE GET THEM OUT HERE?
NO, THEY'RE ALREADY CHANGING

CAN WE GET THEM OUT HERE?
NO, THEY'RE ALREADY CHANGING
INTO THEIR OTHER COSTUMES.

NO, THEY'RE ALREADY CHANGING
INTO THEIR OTHER COSTUMES.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO UP...

INTO THEIR OTHER COSTUMES.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO UP...
REMEMBER, YOU WERE PRETENDING TO

WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO UP...
REMEMBER, YOU WERE PRETENDING TO
FIX THE LIGHT FOR THE POKER



REMEMBER, YOU WERE PRETENDING TO
FIX THE LIGHT FOR THE POKER
GAME, AND YOU CAN START FROM THE

FIX THE LIGHT FOR THE POKER
GAME, AND YOU CAN START FROM THE
TOP AGAIN.

GAME, AND YOU CAN START FROM THE
TOP AGAIN.
ALL RIGHT, DAVE.

TOP AGAIN.
ALL RIGHT, DAVE.
I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

ALL RIGHT, DAVE.
I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.
I THINK I BROKE A SHO...

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.
I THINK I BROKE A SHO...
YOU SEE, WHAT I WAS DOING WAS

I THINK I BROKE A SHO...
YOU SEE, WHAT I WAS DOING WAS
WE... FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE

YOU SEE, WHAT I WAS DOING WAS
WE... FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE
AT HOME, WE HAD SET UP THIS

WE... FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE
AT HOME, WE HAD SET UP THIS
POKER GAME HERE, AND I WAS

AT HOME, WE HAD SET UP THIS
POKER GAME HERE, AND I WAS
FIXING A LIGHT BULB UP THERE.

POKER GAME HERE, AND I WAS
FIXING A LIGHT BULB UP THERE.
AND...

FIXING A LIGHT BULB UP THERE.
AND...
UM...

AND...
UM...
DO I HAVE TO DO...

UM...
DO I HAVE TO DO...
I DON'T KNOW.

DO I HAVE TO DO...
I DON'T KNOW.
CHEVY, EXPLAIN THAT THERE

I DON'T KNOW.
CHEVY, EXPLAIN THAT THERE
WERE FOUR OTHER PEOPLE SITTING

CHEVY, EXPLAIN THAT THERE
WERE FOUR OTHER PEOPLE SITTING
AT THE TABLE.

WERE FOUR OTHER PEOPLE SITTING
AT THE TABLE.
AND I WAS... WHAT WAS THE

AT THE TABLE.
AND I WAS... WHAT WAS THE
LINE I WAS SAYING?

AND I WAS... WHAT WAS THE
LINE I WAS SAYING?
JUST GET TO IT, CHEVY.

-== [ www.OpenSubtitles.com ] ==-

I THINK I CAN GET THAT LIGHT
BULB.
UH-OH! I'VE GOT IT!

BULB.
UH-OH! I'VE GOT IT!
WHOOP!

UH-OH! I'VE GOT IT!
WHOOP!
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S

WHOOP!
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!

LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
[BAND PLAYS]

Announcer: STARRING...

WITH HER GUESTS...

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
DYAN CANNON.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THAT'S REALLY NICE.
THANK YOU. HI.
I'M... I'M REALLY GLAD TO BE

THANK YOU. HI.
I'M... I'M REALLY GLAD TO BE
HERE.

I'M... I'M REALLY GLAD TO BE
HERE.
UH...

HERE.
UH...
WELL, OKAY, LET'S MAKE FRIENDS.

UH...
WELL, OKAY, LET'S MAKE FRIENDS.
SINCE I HAVE THE MICROPHONE,

WELL, OKAY, LET'S MAKE FRIENDS.
SINCE I HAVE THE MICROPHONE,
I'LL START.

SINCE I HAVE THE MICROPHONE,
I'LL START.
WE'LL GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER.

I'LL START.
WE'LL GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER.
FIRST OF ALL, I DON'T EAT MEAT.

WE'LL GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER.
FIRST OF ALL, I DON'T EAT MEAT.
I'M A VEGETARIAN, AND, UM...

FIRST OF ALL, I DON'T EAT MEAT.
I'M A VEGETARIAN, AND, UM...
ORTHODOX.

I'M A VEGETARIAN, AND, UM...
ORTHODOX.
I MEAN, I DON'T MIND IF OTHER

ORTHODOX.
I MEAN, I DON'T MIND IF OTHER
PEOPLE EAT MEAT.

I MEAN, I DON'T MIND IF OTHER
PEOPLE EAT MEAT.
THAT'S OKAY.

PEOPLE EAT MEAT.
THAT'S OKAY.
LET'S SEE.

THAT'S OKAY.
LET'S SEE.
I DON'T SMOKE.

LET'S SEE.
I DON'T SMOKE.
I DON'T DRINK.

I DON'T SMOKE.
I DON'T DRINK.
I DON'T TAKE PILLS OR DRUGS OR

I DON'T DRINK.
I DON'T TAKE PILLS OR DRUGS OR
ANYTHING.

I DON'T TAKE PILLS OR DRUGS OR
ANYTHING.
BUT THAT'S ABOUT ALL I DON'T DO.

ANYTHING.
BUT THAT'S ABOUT ALL I DON'T DO.
[PIANO PLAYS]

BUT THAT'S ABOUT ALL I DON'T DO.
[PIANO PLAYS]
OH, PAUL!

[PIANO PLAYS]
OH, PAUL!
HI, PAUL.

OH, PAUL!
HI, PAUL.
THERE'S PAUL AND BOB!

HI, PAUL.
THERE'S PAUL AND BOB!
HI, PAUL AND BOB!

THERE'S PAUL AND BOB!
HI, PAUL AND BOB!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

HI, PAUL AND BOB!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
COME ON!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
COME ON!
MM-HMM!

COME ON!
MM-HMM!
OH, AND I HAVE A DAUGHTER.

MM-HMM!
OH, AND I HAVE A DAUGHTER.
HER NAME IS JENNIFER.

OH, AND I HAVE A DAUGHTER.
HER NAME IS JENNIFER.
SHE'S 10 YEARS OLD.

HER NAME IS JENNIFER.
SHE'S 10 YEARS OLD.
SHE DOESN'T SMOKE OR DRINK,

SHE'S 10 YEARS OLD.
SHE DOESN'T SMOKE OR DRINK,
EITHER.

SHE DOESN'T SMOKE OR DRINK,
EITHER.
I LIKE HORSES.

EITHER.
I LIKE HORSES.
I LIKE TO DRINK, UM...

I LIKE HORSES.
I LIKE TO DRINK, UM...
TEA.

I LIKE TO DRINK, UM...
TEA.
I KNOW A LOT MORE ABOUT ME THAN

TEA.
I KNOW A LOT MORE ABOUT ME THAN
YOU KNOW ABOUT ME, AND YOU KNOW

I KNOW A LOT MORE ABOUT ME THAN
YOU KNOW ABOUT ME, AND YOU KNOW
MORE ABOUT ME THAN I KNOW ABOUT

YOU KNOW ABOUT ME, AND YOU KNOW
MORE ABOUT ME THAN I KNOW ABOUT
YOU NOW.

MORE ABOUT ME THAN I KNOW ABOUT
YOU NOW.
DO YOU GUYS LIKE TO DREAM?

YOU NOW.
DO YOU GUYS LIKE TO DREAM?
I DREAM A LOT.

DO YOU GUYS LIKE TO DREAM?
I DREAM A LOT.
DO YOU KNOW THAT EVERY SINGLE

I DREAM A LOT.
DO YOU KNOW THAT EVERY SINGLE
DREAM I'VE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE

DO YOU KNOW THAT EVERY SINGLE
DREAM I'VE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE
HAS COME TRUE?

DREAM I'VE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE
HAS COME TRUE?
♪ EXCEPT ONE ♪

HAS COME TRUE?
♪ EXCEPT ONE ♪
EVERY DREAM I HAVE EVER HAD IN

♪ EXCEPT ONE ♪
EVERY DREAM I HAVE EVER HAD IN
MY LIFE... DO YOU REALIZE

EVERY DREAM I HAVE EVER HAD IN
MY LIFE... DO YOU REALIZE
THAT? HAS COME TRUE.

MY LIFE... DO YOU REALIZE
THAT? HAS COME TRUE.
♪ EXCEPT ONE ♪

THAT? HAS COME TRUE.
♪ EXCEPT ONE ♪
SINCE I'VE BEEN A LITTLE GIRL,

♪ EXCEPT ONE ♪
SINCE I'VE BEEN A LITTLE GIRL,
I'VE HAD SO MANY DREAMS ABOUT

SINCE I'VE BEEN A LITTLE GIRL,
I'VE HAD SO MANY DREAMS ABOUT
THINGS I WANTED TO DO AND PLACES

I'VE HAD SO MANY DREAMS ABOUT
THINGS I WANTED TO DO AND PLACES
I WANTED TO GO AND PEOPLE I

THINGS I WANTED TO DO AND PLACES
I WANTED TO GO AND PEOPLE I
WANTED TO SEE, AND EVERY ONE OF

I WANTED TO GO AND PEOPLE I
WANTED TO SEE, AND EVERY ONE OF
THOSE DREAMS HAS COME TRUE!

WANTED TO SEE, AND EVERY ONE OF
THOSE DREAMS HAS COME TRUE!
♪ EXCEPT ONE ♪

THOSE DREAMS HAS COME TRUE!
♪ EXCEPT ONE ♪
OH, AND I LIKE BIG, BIG HATS...

♪ EXCEPT ONE ♪
OH, AND I LIKE BIG, BIG HATS...
BIG, FLOPPY HATS.

OH, AND I LIKE BIG, BIG HATS...
BIG, FLOPPY HATS.
AND I LIKE, UM, ICE WATER.

BIG, FLOPPY HATS.
AND I LIKE, UM, ICE WATER.
I PUT LEMON IN IT WITH SUGAR

AND I LIKE, UM, ICE WATER.
I PUT LEMON IN IT WITH SUGAR
SUBSTITUTE.

I PUT LEMON IN IT WITH SUGAR
SUBSTITUTE.
I KNOW IT'S CACA, BUT I LOVE IT.

SUBSTITUTE.
I KNOW IT'S CACA, BUT I LOVE IT.
THAT'S THE ONLY THING I LIKE

I KNOW IT'S CACA, BUT I LOVE IT.
THAT'S THE ONLY THING I LIKE
THAT'S FAKE... SUGAR SUBSTITUTE.

THAT'S THE ONLY THING I LIKE
THAT'S FAKE... SUGAR SUBSTITUTE.
AND I LIKE THE OCEAN.

THAT'S FAKE... SUGAR SUBSTITUTE.
AND I LIKE THE OCEAN.
I LIKE BOOTS.

AND I LIKE THE OCEAN.
I LIKE BOOTS.
I LOVE ICE CREAM.

I LIKE BOOTS.
I LOVE ICE CREAM.
AND I LIKE, UM...

I LOVE ICE CREAM.
AND I LIKE, UM...
MEN...

AND I LIKE, UM...
MEN...
AND WOMEN...

MEN...
AND WOMEN...
AND MEN.

AND WOMEN...
AND MEN.
AND EVERY DREAM I'VE EVER HAD IN

AND MEN.
AND EVERY DREAM I'VE EVER HAD IN
MY LIFE HAS COME TRUE.

AND EVERY DREAM I'VE EVER HAD IN
MY LIFE HAS COME TRUE.
♪ EXCEPT ONE ♪

MY LIFE HAS COME TRUE.
♪ EXCEPT ONE ♪
♪ JUST ONE ♪

♪ EXCEPT ONE ♪
♪ JUST ONE ♪
I'M GONNA TELL YOU ABOUT THAT

♪ JUST ONE ♪
I'M GONNA TELL YOU ABOUT THAT
DREAM.

I'M GONNA TELL YOU ABOUT THAT
DREAM.
I LIVE ON THE BEACH AT MALIBU.

DREAM.
I LIVE ON THE BEACH AT MALIBU.
AND SOMETIMES WHEN I'M SITTING

I LIVE ON THE BEACH AT MALIBU.
AND SOMETIMES WHEN I'M SITTING
AND LOOKING OUT AT THE OCEAN...

AND SOMETIMES WHEN I'M SITTING
AND LOOKING OUT AT THE OCEAN...
THERE'S MILES OF OCEAN... AND I

AND LOOKING OUT AT THE OCEAN...
THERE'S MILES OF OCEAN... AND I
SIT, AND I'M LOOKING AT IT.

THERE'S MILES OF OCEAN... AND I
SIT, AND I'M LOOKING AT IT.
AND I JUST KNOW... I KNOW THIS

SIT, AND I'M LOOKING AT IT.
AND I JUST KNOW... I KNOW THIS
SOUNDS GOOFY, BUT I'M GONNA

AND I JUST KNOW... I KNOW THIS
SOUNDS GOOFY, BUT I'M GONNA
SHARE MY FANTASY WITH YOU.

SOUNDS GOOFY, BUT I'M GONNA
SHARE MY FANTASY WITH YOU.
I KNOW THAT ONE NIGHT, SOME MAN

SHARE MY FANTASY WITH YOU.
I KNOW THAT ONE NIGHT, SOME MAN
ON A BIG, WHITE HORSE IS GONNA

I KNOW THAT ONE NIGHT, SOME MAN
ON A BIG, WHITE HORSE IS GONNA
COME UP FROM OUT OF THE MIDDLE

ON A BIG, WHITE HORSE IS GONNA
COME UP FROM OUT OF THE MIDDLE
OF THE OCEAN AND COME GALLOPING

COME UP FROM OUT OF THE MIDDLE
OF THE OCEAN AND COME GALLOPING
TOWARDS ME ON THE SAND, PICK ME

OF THE OCEAN AND COME GALLOPING
TOWARDS ME ON THE SAND, PICK ME
UP, AND CARRY ME AWAY.

TOWARDS ME ON THE SAND, PICK ME
UP, AND CARRY ME AWAY.
I KNOW THAT'S GONNA HAPPEN.

UP, AND CARRY ME AWAY.
I KNOW THAT'S GONNA HAPPEN.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

I KNOW THAT'S GONNA HAPPEN.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
I MEAN, IF EVERY DREAM IN MY

DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
I MEAN, IF EVERY DREAM IN MY
LIFE HAS COME TRUE AND THAT'S

I MEAN, IF EVERY DREAM IN MY
LIFE HAS COME TRUE AND THAT'S
THE ONLY ONE THAT HASN'T COME

LIFE HAS COME TRUE AND THAT'S
THE ONLY ONE THAT HASN'T COME
TRUE, THEN THAT ONE'S GONNA COME

THE ONLY ONE THAT HASN'T COME
TRUE, THEN THAT ONE'S GONNA COME
TRUE.

TRUE, THEN THAT ONE'S GONNA COME
TRUE.
I MEAN, EVERY ONE EXCEPT ONE HAS

TRUE.
I MEAN, EVERY ONE EXCEPT ONE HAS
COME TRUE.

I MEAN, EVERY ONE EXCEPT ONE HAS
COME TRUE.
♪ AND I KNOW IT'S GONNA COME ♪

COME TRUE.
♪ AND I KNOW IT'S GONNA COME ♪
WHERE IS THAT GUY?

♪ AND I KNOW IT'S GONNA COME ♪
WHERE IS THAT GUY?
IS THAT GUY YOU?

WHERE IS THAT GUY?
IS THAT GUY YOU?
IF... LISTEN, IF YOU'RE SITTING

IS THAT GUY YOU?
IF... LISTEN, IF YOU'RE SITTING
IN THE AUDIENCE, WILL YOU TELL

IF... LISTEN, IF YOU'RE SITTING
IN THE AUDIENCE, WILL YOU TELL
ME?

IN THE AUDIENCE, WILL YOU TELL
ME?
ARE YOU UP IN THE BALCONY?

ME?
ARE YOU UP IN THE BALCONY?
WHERE'S MY FELLOW?

ARE YOU UP IN THE BALCONY?
WHERE'S MY FELLOW?
I KNOW IT'S NOT YOU.

WHERE'S MY FELLOW?
I KNOW IT'S NOT YOU.
YOU HAVEN'T GOT A WHITE HORSE.

I KNOW IT'S NOT YOU.
YOU HAVEN'T GOT A WHITE HORSE.
A WHITE HORSE IS VERY IMPORTANT.

YOU HAVEN'T GOT A WHITE HORSE.
A WHITE HORSE IS VERY IMPORTANT.
I'VE GOT TO HAVE A WHITE HORSE.

A WHITE HORSE IS VERY IMPORTANT.
I'VE GOT TO HAVE A WHITE HORSE.
NOW, LOOK, A GUY THAT'S MY GUY

I'VE GOT TO HAVE A WHITE HORSE.
NOW, LOOK, A GUY THAT'S MY GUY
HAS GOT TO KNOW THAT ALL HE HAS

NOW, LOOK, A GUY THAT'S MY GUY
HAS GOT TO KNOW THAT ALL HE HAS
TO SPRING FOR IS A WHITE HORSE,

HAS GOT TO KNOW THAT ALL HE HAS
TO SPRING FOR IS A WHITE HORSE,
AND I'M READY!

TO SPRING FOR IS A WHITE HORSE,
AND I'M READY!
IF YOU'RE OUT THERE WATCHING,

AND I'M READY!
IF YOU'RE OUT THERE WATCHING,
LET ME KNOW, WILL YOU?

IF YOU'RE OUT THERE WATCHING,
LET ME KNOW, WILL YOU?
'CAUSE EVERY DREAM IN MY LIFE

LET ME KNOW, WILL YOU?
'CAUSE EVERY DREAM IN MY LIFE
HAS COME TRUE.

'CAUSE EVERY DREAM IN MY LIFE
HAS COME TRUE.
♪ EXCEPT ONE ♪

HAS COME TRUE.
♪ EXCEPT ONE ♪
AND I KNOW THAT ONE IS AROUND

♪ EXCEPT ONE ♪
AND I KNOW THAT ONE IS AROUND
HERE, AND I KNOW IT'S WAITING.

AND I KNOW THAT ONE IS AROUND
HERE, AND I KNOW IT'S WAITING.
I KNOW IT'S WAITING SO HARD TO

HERE, AND I KNOW IT'S WAITING.
I KNOW IT'S WAITING SO HARD TO
COME TRUE FOR ME.

I KNOW IT'S WAITING SO HARD TO
COME TRUE FOR ME.
YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK IS GONNA

COME TRUE FOR ME.
YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK IS GONNA
HAPPEN?

YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK IS GONNA
HAPPEN?
I THINK TONIGHT, ON LIVE TV, MY

HAPPEN?
I THINK TONIGHT, ON LIVE TV, MY
FANTASY IS GONNA COME TRUE.

I THINK TONIGHT, ON LIVE TV, MY
FANTASY IS GONNA COME TRUE.
I KNOW IT'S GONNA COME TRUE.

FANTASY IS GONNA COME TRUE.
I KNOW IT'S GONNA COME TRUE.
I KNOW THAT DREAM IS JUST

I KNOW IT'S GONNA COME TRUE.
I KNOW THAT DREAM IS JUST
WAITING AROUND THE CORNER FOR

I KNOW THAT DREAM IS JUST
WAITING AROUND THE CORNER FOR
ME.

WAITING AROUND THE CORNER FOR
ME.
SO, DREAM, WHEREVER YOU ARE,

ME.
SO, DREAM, WHEREVER YOU ARE,
COME AND GET ME! NOW!

SO, DREAM, WHEREVER YOU ARE,
COME AND GET ME! NOW!
PAUL! NO, NOT YOU!

COME AND GET ME! NOW!
PAUL! NO, NOT YOU!
PAUL, THE GUY HAS TO BE...

PAUL! NO, NOT YOU!
PAUL, THE GUY HAS TO BE...
MAYBE THEY'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

NOW HERE'S ELAINE SZIGETI FOR

NEW SUGAR-FREE ZING, THE DIET

SOFT DRINK THAT ADDS ZING TO

YOUR LIFE WITHOUT ADDING

CALORIES.

REMEMBER, SHE IS NOT AN ACTRESS.

SHE IS A REAL PERSON.

NOW, WE'VE ASKED ELAINE TO TRY

NEW SUGAR-FREE ZING'S

SIDE-BY-SIDE TASTE TEST.

FIRST ONE.

AND NOW THE OTHER.

NOW, ELAINE, TELL ME WHICH ONE

YOU LIKE BEST AND WHY YOU LIKE

IT.

THIS ONE TASTES REALLY CRAZY,
YOU KNOW?
[Laughing] OKAY, ELAINE,

YOU KNOW?
[Laughing] OKAY, ELAINE,
I'M GONNA REMOVE YOUR BLINDFOLD

[Laughing] OKAY, ELAINE,
I'M GONNA REMOVE YOUR BLINDFOLD
BECAUSE YOU KNOW SOMETHING?

I'M GONNA REMOVE YOUR BLINDFOLD
BECAUSE YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
YOU JUST PICKED THIS GLASS OF

BECAUSE YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
YOU JUST PICKED THIS GLASS OF
NEW SUGAR-FREE ZING...

YOU JUST PICKED THIS GLASS OF
NEW SUGAR-FREE ZING...
OVER THIS GLASS OF PHLEGM IN OUR

NEW SUGAR-FREE ZING...
OVER THIS GLASS OF PHLEGM IN OUR
OBJECTIVE, SIDE-BY-SIDE,

OVER THIS GLASS OF PHLEGM IN OUR
OBJECTIVE, SIDE-BY-SIDE,
BLINDFOLD TASTE TEST.

OBJECTIVE, SIDE-BY-SIDE,
BLINDFOLD TASTE TEST.
ARE YOU A BIT SURPRISED?

BLINDFOLD TASTE TEST.
ARE YOU A BIT SURPRISED?
WELL, I LIKE IT.

I REALLY LIKE IT.

I REALLY, REALLY DO.

SO YOU'D SAY THAT YOU PREFER

NEW SUGAR-FREE ZING TO THIS

GLASS OF PHLEGM?

I LIKE IT. I REALLY DO.

I REALLY LIKE IT.

OKAY.

AND FROM NOW ON, WHAT YOU GONNA

BUY, ELAINE... THE ZING OR THE

PHLEGM?

WELL, NOW THAT I FOUND ZING,

I'LL NEVER DRINK YUCKY OLD

PHLEGM AGAIN.

OKAY, NEW SUGAR-FREE ZING...

TASTES BETTER THAN PHLEGM!

OKAY.
ALL RIGHT, NOW, THIS ISN'T GONNA
TAKE TOO LONG, BUT OUR COMPANY

ALL RIGHT, NOW, THIS ISN'T GONNA
TAKE TOO LONG, BUT OUR COMPANY
REQUIRES THIS AS PART OF THE

TAKE TOO LONG, BUT OUR COMPANY
REQUIRES THIS AS PART OF THE
PHYSICAL EXAMINATION OF ALL

REQUIRES THIS AS PART OF THE
PHYSICAL EXAMINATION OF ALL
POTENTIAL KEYPUNCH OPERATORS.

PHYSICAL EXAMINATION OF ALL
POTENTIAL KEYPUNCH OPERATORS.
IT'S VERY SIMPLE.

POTENTIAL KEYPUNCH OPERATORS.
IT'S VERY SIMPLE.
YOU SEE THESE HEADSETS ON THE

IT'S VERY SIMPLE.
YOU SEE THESE HEADSETS ON THE
CHAIRS?

YOU SEE THESE HEADSETS ON THE
CHAIRS?
WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO IS PICK UP

CHAIRS?
WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO IS PICK UP
THESE HEADSETS AND PUT THEM ON

WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO IS PICK UP
THESE HEADSETS AND PUT THEM ON
YOUR EARS, ON YOUR HEAD.

THESE HEADSETS AND PUT THEM ON
YOUR EARS, ON YOUR HEAD.
WHAT YOU'RE GONNA DO IS YOU'RE

YOUR EARS, ON YOUR HEAD.
WHAT YOU'RE GONNA DO IS YOU'RE
GONNA HEAR SOUNDS.

WHAT YOU'RE GONNA DO IS YOU'RE
GONNA HEAR SOUNDS.
SOME WILL BE LOUD.

GONNA HEAR SOUNDS.
SOME WILL BE LOUD.
SOME WILL BE SOFT.

SOME WILL BE LOUD.
SOME WILL BE SOFT.
WHEN YOU HEAR THE SOUNDS COME

SOME WILL BE SOFT.
WHEN YOU HEAR THE SOUNDS COME
FROM THE LEFT SIDE, YOU RAISE

WHEN YOU HEAR THE SOUNDS COME
FROM THE LEFT SIDE, YOU RAISE
YOUR LEFT HAND.

FROM THE LEFT SIDE, YOU RAISE
YOUR LEFT HAND.
WHEN YOU HEAR THEM COME FROM THE

YOUR LEFT HAND.
WHEN YOU HEAR THEM COME FROM THE
RIGHT SIDE, YOU RAISE YOUR RIGHT

WHEN YOU HEAR THEM COME FROM THE
RIGHT SIDE, YOU RAISE YOUR RIGHT
HAND.

RIGHT SIDE, YOU RAISE YOUR RIGHT
HAND.
IS THAT CLEAR?

HAND.
IS THAT CLEAR?
AND YOU MUST NOT LOOK AT ONE

IS THAT CLEAR?
AND YOU MUST NOT LOOK AT ONE
ANOTHER BECAUSE THIS IS AN

AND YOU MUST NOT LOOK AT ONE
ANOTHER BECAUSE THIS IS AN
HONESTY TEST, TOO.

ANOTHER BECAUSE THIS IS AN
HONESTY TEST, TOO.
YOU CAN'T LOOK AT EACH OTHER FOR

HONESTY TEST, TOO.
YOU CAN'T LOOK AT EACH OTHER FOR
REACTIONS.

YOU CAN'T LOOK AT EACH OTHER FOR
REACTIONS.
AS SOON AS YOU PUT ON YOUR

REACTIONS.
AS SOON AS YOU PUT ON YOUR
HEADSETS, WE WILL BEGIN.

AS SOON AS YOU PUT ON YOUR
HEADSETS, WE WILL BEGIN.
[Shouting] YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED

HEADSETS, WE WILL BEGIN.
[Shouting] YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED
TO HEAR ME NOW.

[Shouting] YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED
TO HEAR ME NOW.
CAN YOU HEAR ANYTHING?

TO HEAR ME NOW.
CAN YOU HEAR ANYTHING?
IF YOU CAN HEAR ANYTHING, RAISE

CAN YOU HEAR ANYTHING?
IF YOU CAN HEAR ANYTHING, RAISE
YOUR RIGHT HAND.

IF YOU CAN HEAR ANYTHING, RAISE
YOUR RIGHT HAND.
[Normal voice] ALL RIGHT,

YOUR RIGHT HAND.
[Normal voice] ALL RIGHT,
FINE.

[Normal voice] ALL RIGHT,
FINE.
BEGIN.

FINE.
BEGIN.
[TONE RINGS]

[TONE RINGS]

[TONE RINGS]

[ALARM BELL RINGS]
NO, NO, NEVER MIND.
NEVER MIND.

NO, NO, NEVER MIND.
NEVER MIND.
THAT WAS SOMETHING ELSE.

NEVER MIND.
THAT WAS SOMETHING ELSE.
NO. IT'S ALL RIGHT.

THAT WAS SOMETHING ELSE.
NO. IT'S ALL RIGHT.
DON'T MAKE A MOVE, AND

NO. IT'S ALL RIGHT.
DON'T MAKE A MOVE, AND
NOBODY GETS HURT!

DON'T MAKE A MOVE, AND
NOBODY GETS HURT!
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

NOBODY GETS HURT!
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A HEARING

WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A HEARING
TEST.

WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A HEARING
TEST.
I'M GONNA CALL SECURITY.

TEST.
I'M GONNA CALL SECURITY.
NO, YOU'RE NOT, SISTER!

I'M GONNA CALL SECURITY.
NO, YOU'RE NOT, SISTER!
LET GO OF ME!

NO, YOU'RE NOT, SISTER!
LET GO OF ME!
[SIREN WAILS]

LET GO OF ME!
[SIREN WAILS]
THIS IS THE POLICE.

[SIREN WAILS]
THIS IS THE POLICE.
WE'VE GOT THE PLACE SURROUNDED.

THIS IS THE POLICE.
WE'VE GOT THE PLACE SURROUNDED.
THROW OUT YOUR GUNS AND GIVE

WE'VE GOT THE PLACE SURROUNDED.
THROW OUT YOUR GUNS AND GIVE
YOURSELVES UP.

THROW OUT YOUR GUNS AND GIVE
YOURSELVES UP.
AAH!

YOURSELVES UP.
AAH!
YOU GOT SOME BAD TASTE,

AAH!
YOU GOT SOME BAD TASTE,
COPPER!

YOU GOT SOME BAD TASTE,
COPPER!
AH, ONE FALSE MOVE FROM YOU

COPPER!
AH, ONE FALSE MOVE FROM YOU
GUYS AND MADAME CURIE HERE GETS

AH, ONE FALSE MOVE FROM YOU
GUYS AND MADAME CURIE HERE GETS
IT!

GUYS AND MADAME CURIE HERE GETS
IT!
I DON'T THINK THEY'RE

IT!
I DON'T THINK THEY'RE
BLUFFING!

I DON'T THINK THEY'RE
BLUFFING!
[GUNFIRE]

BLUFFING!
[GUNFIRE]
AAH!

[GUNFIRE]
AAH!
[GUNFIRE]

[GUNFIRE STOPS]
[GUNSHOT]

MMM.
MMM, YOU'RE SO NICE.
MMM!

MMM, YOU'RE SO NICE.
MMM!
YOU SURE THIS IS OKAY?

MMM!
YOU SURE THIS IS OKAY?
WHAT IF YOUR HUSBAND COMES HOME

YOU SURE THIS IS OKAY?
WHAT IF YOUR HUSBAND COMES HOME
EARLY?

WHAT IF YOUR HUSBAND COMES HOME
EARLY?
IS EVERYTHING OKAY ABOUT THIS?

EARLY?
IS EVERYTHING OKAY ABOUT THIS?
SURE, I'LL JUST MAKE UP

IS EVERYTHING OKAY ABOUT THIS?
SURE, I'LL JUST MAKE UP
SOMETHING.

SURE, I'LL JUST MAKE UP
SOMETHING.
OKAY.

SOMETHING.
OKAY.
OKAY.

OKAY.
OKAY.
ANGELA?

OKAY.
ANGELA?
ANGELA!

ANGELA?
ANGELA!
HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?

ANGELA!
HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?
I'LL KILL HIM.

HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?
I'LL KILL HIM.
I'LL KILL HIM.

I'LL KILL HIM.
I'LL KILL HIM.
I'LL TAKE HIM APART.

I'LL KILL HIM.
I'LL TAKE HIM APART.
IT'S OKAY. HE'S DEAD.

I'LL TAKE HIM APART.
IT'S OKAY. HE'S DEAD.
OH, UH, I-I-I'VE BEEN... I'VE

IT'S OKAY. HE'S DEAD.
OH, UH, I-I-I'VE BEEN... I'VE
BEEN LYING HERE, SCREAMING FOR

OH, UH, I-I-I'VE BEEN... I'VE
BEEN LYING HERE, SCREAMING FOR
HELP, BUT I GUESS MY VOICE MUST

BEEN LYING HERE, SCREAMING FOR
HELP, BUT I GUESS MY VOICE MUST
HAVE BEEN MUFFLED BY HIS FACE.

HELP, BUT I GUESS MY VOICE MUST
HAVE BEEN MUFFLED BY HIS FACE.
WHO IS THIS GUY?

HAVE BEEN MUFFLED BY HIS FACE.
WHO IS THIS GUY?
HOW DID HE DIE, ANYWAY?

WHO IS THIS GUY?
HOW DID HE DIE, ANYWAY?
DARLING, I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE

HOW DID HE DIE, ANYWAY?
DARLING, I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE
HOME.

DARLING, I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE
HOME.
I WAS SO FRIGHTENED.

HOME.
I WAS SO FRIGHTENED.
I THOUGHT I WOULD SUFFOCATE.

I WAS SO FRIGHTENED.
I THOUGHT I WOULD SUFFOCATE.
I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HOME EARLY.

I THOUGHT I WOULD SUFFOCATE.
I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HOME EARLY.
JUST WAIT A MINUTE NOW.

I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HOME EARLY.
JUST WAIT A MINUTE NOW.
WHO IS THIS GUY?

JUST WAIT A MINUTE NOW.
WHO IS THIS GUY?
LET'S START FROM THE BEGINNING.

WHO IS THIS GUY?
LET'S START FROM THE BEGINNING.
HOW IS HE HERE? HOW DID HE DIE?

LET'S START FROM THE BEGINNING.
HOW IS HE HERE? HOW DID HE DIE?
WELL, HE'S, UH... HE'S...

HOW IS HE HERE? HOW DID HE DIE?
WELL, HE'S, UH... HE'S...
HE'S A DELIVERY BOY.

WELL, HE'S, UH... HE'S...
HE'S A DELIVERY BOY.
HE, UH... I DON'T KNOW.

HE'S A DELIVERY BOY.
HE, UH... I DON'T KNOW.
I GUESS HE JUST HAD A HEART

HE, UH... I DON'T KNOW.
I GUESS HE JUST HAD A HEART
ATTACK OR SOMETHING.

I GUESS HE JUST HAD A HEART
ATTACK OR SOMETHING.
WHAT HAPPENED WAS HE JUST FELL

ATTACK OR SOMETHING.
WHAT HAPPENED WAS HE JUST FELL
ON TOP OF ME, GASPING, AND THE

WHAT HAPPENED WAS HE JUST FELL
ON TOP OF ME, GASPING, AND THE
NEXT THING I KNEW, I COULDN'T

ON TOP OF ME, GASPING, AND THE
NEXT THING I KNEW, I COULDN'T
MOVE.

NEXT THING I KNEW, I COULDN'T
MOVE.
WELL, WHAT WAS HE DELIVERING?

MOVE.
WELL, WHAT WAS HE DELIVERING?
THAT LAMP.

WELL, WHAT WAS HE DELIVERING?
THAT LAMP.
THAT LAMP?

THAT LAMP.
THAT LAMP?
YEAH.

THAT LAMP?
YEAH.
WE'VE HAD THAT LAMP FOR 12

YEAH.
WE'VE HAD THAT LAMP FOR 12
YEARS.

WE'VE HAD THAT LAMP FOR 12
YEARS.
YES, I KNOW, HONEY.

YEARS.
YES, I KNOW, HONEY.
I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THAT

YES, I KNOW, HONEY.
I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THAT
LAMP.

I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THAT
LAMP.
THIS AFTERNOON, WHEN I WAS IN

LAMP.
THIS AFTERNOON, WHEN I WAS IN
THE KITCHEN, IRONING YOUR...

THIS AFTERNOON, WHEN I WAS IN
THE KITCHEN, IRONING YOUR...
YOUR SOCKS, UH, THE LAMP... I

THE KITCHEN, IRONING YOUR...
YOUR SOCKS, UH, THE LAMP... I
WAS IRONING IT, AND THE BOARD

YOUR SOCKS, UH, THE LAMP... I
WAS IRONING IT, AND THE BOARD
FELL OVER, AND THE... AND THE

WAS IRONING IT, AND THE BOARD
FELL OVER, AND THE... AND THE
THING FELL ON TOP OF IT.

FELL OVER, AND THE... AND THE
THING FELL ON TOP OF IT.
AND, UH, WELL, I-I-I WENT TO

THING FELL ON TOP OF IT.
AND, UH, WELL, I-I-I WENT TO
HAVE IT FIXED, YOU SEE, AND...

AND, UH, WELL, I-I-I WENT TO
HAVE IT FIXED, YOU SEE, AND...
AND HE DELIVERED IT.

HAVE IT FIXED, YOU SEE, AND...
AND HE DELIVERED IT.
HE CAME TO DELIVER IT.

AND HE DELIVERED IT.
HE CAME TO DELIVER IT.
THAT LAMP LOOKS THE SAME AS

HE CAME TO DELIVER IT.
THAT LAMP LOOKS THE SAME AS
IT'S ALWAYS LOOKED.

THAT LAMP LOOKS THE SAME AS
IT'S ALWAYS LOOKED.
IT DOESN'T LOOK ANY DIFFERENT.

IT'S ALWAYS LOOKED.
IT DOESN'T LOOK ANY DIFFERENT.
THAT'S BECAUSE THEY FIXED IT.

IT DOESN'T LOOK ANY DIFFERENT.
THAT'S BECAUSE THEY FIXED IT.
THEY FIXED IT.

THAT'S BECAUSE THEY FIXED IT.
THEY FIXED IT.
THIS POOR GUY, I MEAN... I THINK

THEY FIXED IT.
THIS POOR GUY, I MEAN... I THINK
HE'S BREATHING.

THIS POOR GUY, I MEAN... I THINK
HE'S BREATHING.
HE'S BREATHING!

HE'S BREATHING.
HE'S BREATHING!
THERE'S STILL LIFE IN THIS MAN!

HE'S BREATHING!
THERE'S STILL LIFE IN THIS MAN!
I'LL GIVE HIM A LITTLE

THERE'S STILL LIFE IN THIS MAN!
I'LL GIVE HIM A LITTLE
MOUTH-TO-MOUTH.

I'LL GIVE HIM A LITTLE
MOUTH-TO-MOUTH.
I THINK HE'S COMING AROUND.

MOUTH-TO-MOUTH.
I THINK HE'S COMING AROUND.
OKAY.

I THINK HE'S COMING AROUND.
OKAY.
YOU HAD A NARROW BRUSH THERE, MY

OKAY.
YOU HAD A NARROW BRUSH THERE, MY
FRIEND, BUT I THINK YOU'RE OKAY.

YOU HAD A NARROW BRUSH THERE, MY
FRIEND, BUT I THINK YOU'RE OKAY.
YOU'RE OKAY.

FRIEND, BUT I THINK YOU'RE OKAY.
YOU'RE OKAY.
YOU'RE ALL RIGHT NOW.

YOU'RE OKAY.
YOU'RE ALL RIGHT NOW.
YOU OKAY?

YOU'RE ALL RIGHT NOW.
YOU OKAY?
WHERE AM I?

YOU OKAY?
WHERE AM I?
DELIVERY MAN, YOU'RE OKAY.

WHERE AM I?
DELIVERY MAN, YOU'RE OKAY.
WELL, THANK YOU SO MUCH.

DELIVERY MAN, YOU'RE OKAY.
WELL, THANK YOU SO MUCH.
I DON'T KNOW... I MUST HAVE...

WELL, THANK YOU SO MUCH.
I DON'T KNOW... I MUST HAVE...
CLOSE TO DEATH.

I DON'T KNOW... I MUST HAVE...
CLOSE TO DEATH.
I DON'T KNOW HOW I CAN REPAY

CLOSE TO DEATH.
I DON'T KNOW HOW I CAN REPAY
YOU.

I DON'T KNOW HOW I CAN REPAY
YOU.
I KNOW!

YOU.
I KNOW!
I WON'T CHARGE YOU FOR THE LAMP.

I KNOW!
I WON'T CHARGE YOU FOR THE LAMP.
SEE YOU.

I WON'T CHARGE YOU FOR THE LAMP.
SEE YOU.
EXCUSE ME JUST A MINUTE

SEE YOU.
EXCUSE ME JUST A MINUTE
THERE, PAL.

EXCUSE ME JUST A MINUTE
THERE, PAL.
I'D JUST LIKE ONE QUESTION

THERE, PAL.
I'D JUST LIKE ONE QUESTION
ANSWERED.

I'D JUST LIKE ONE QUESTION
ANSWERED.
HOW COME A GUY WHO DELIVERS

ANSWERED.
HOW COME A GUY WHO DELIVERS
LAMPS HAS A CAR-WASH SIGN ON HIS

HOW COME A GUY WHO DELIVERS
LAMPS HAS A CAR-WASH SIGN ON HIS
BACK?

LAMPS HAS A CAR-WASH SIGN ON HIS
BACK?
WELL, THERE'S REALLY NOT MUCH

BACK?
WELL, THERE'S REALLY NOT MUCH
MONEY IN LAMP DELIVERY.

WELL, THERE'S REALLY NOT MUCH
MONEY IN LAMP DELIVERY.
WELL, UH...

MONEY IN LAMP DELIVERY.
WELL, UH...
IT'S ALL RIGHT, ISN'T IT?

WELL, UH...
IT'S ALL RIGHT, ISN'T IT?
SORRY.

IT'S ALL RIGHT, ISN'T IT?
SORRY.
HEY, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!

SORRY.
HEY, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!
WAIT. WAIT, PLEASE!

HEY, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!
WAIT. WAIT, PLEASE!
I JUST WANT A SIMPLE EXPLANATION

WAIT. WAIT, PLEASE!
I JUST WANT A SIMPLE EXPLANATION
HERE, OKAY?

I JUST WANT A SIMPLE EXPLANATION
HERE, OKAY?
YES.

HERE, OKAY?
YES.
NOW, LET'S ALL JUST RELAX HERE

YES.
NOW, LET'S ALL JUST RELAX HERE
BECAUSE THIS IS...

NOW, LET'S ALL JUST RELAX HERE
BECAUSE THIS IS...
DARLING, HE'S A MEDICAL

BECAUSE THIS IS...
DARLING, HE'S A MEDICAL
STUDENT.

DARLING, HE'S A MEDICAL
STUDENT.
ENTIRELY AN INNOCENT

STUDENT.
ENTIRELY AN INNOCENT
MISTAKE.

ENTIRELY AN INNOCENT
MISTAKE.
I AM A MEDICAL STUDENT.

MISTAKE.
I AM A MEDICAL STUDENT.
AND AS MEDICAL SCHOOL BEING

I AM A MEDICAL STUDENT.
AND AS MEDICAL SCHOOL BEING
EXPENSIVE AS IT IS, I HAD TO,

AND AS MEDICAL SCHOOL BEING
EXPENSIVE AS IT IS, I HAD TO,
UH... AS IT WERE, I GOT TO GO

EXPENSIVE AS IT IS, I HAD TO,
UH... AS IT WERE, I GOT TO GO
WASH CARS, DELIVER LAMPS,

UH... AS IT WERE, I GOT TO GO
WASH CARS, DELIVER LAMPS,
ANYTHING TO PAY FOR IT.

WASH CARS, DELIVER LAMPS,
ANYTHING TO PAY FOR IT.
IT'S A PART-TIME JOB.

ANYTHING TO PAY FOR IT.
IT'S A PART-TIME JOB.
UH-HUH. UH-HUH.

IT'S A PART-TIME JOB.
UH-HUH. UH-HUH.
AND, OF COURSE, AS YOU KNOW,

UH-HUH. UH-HUH.
AND, OF COURSE, AS YOU KNOW,
THE PRESIDENT HAS CALLED FOR A

AND, OF COURSE, AS YOU KNOW,
THE PRESIDENT HAS CALLED FOR A
MASSIVE, UH, INOCULATION BECAUSE

THE PRESIDENT HAS CALLED FOR A
MASSIVE, UH, INOCULATION BECAUSE
OF THE SWINE FLU ALL OVER THE

MASSIVE, UH, INOCULATION BECAUSE
OF THE SWINE FLU ALL OVER THE
COUNTRY, AND I HAD TO VOLUNTEER,

OF THE SWINE FLU ALL OVER THE
COUNTRY, AND I HAD TO VOLUNTEER,
AND I'M SUPPOSED TO INOCULATE

COUNTRY, AND I HAD TO VOLUNTEER,
AND I'M SUPPOSED TO INOCULATE
THE ENTIRE NEIGHBORHOOD.

AND I'M SUPPOSED TO INOCULATE
THE ENTIRE NEIGHBORHOOD.
IN FACT, I DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME.

THE ENTIRE NEIGHBORHOOD.
IN FACT, I DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME.
I'D BETTER GET OUT THERE AND

IN FACT, I DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME.
I'D BETTER GET OUT THERE AND
INOCULATE.

I'D BETTER GET OUT THERE AND
INOCULATE.
UH, YEAH, YEAH, SWINE FLU...

INOCULATE.
UH, YEAH, YEAH, SWINE FLU...
YES, AND THERE'S A LOT OF IT

UH, YEAH, YEAH, SWINE FLU...
YES, AND THERE'S A LOT OF IT
GOING AROUND.

YES, AND THERE'S A LOT OF IT
GOING AROUND.
OH, BOY.

GOING AROUND.
OH, BOY.
WELL, I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW

OH, BOY.
WELL, I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW
YOU ENDED UP TOP OF MY WIFE,

WELL, I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW
YOU ENDED UP TOP OF MY WIFE,
THAT'S ALL.

YOU ENDED UP TOP OF MY WIFE,
THAT'S ALL.
WELL, I HAVE BEEN WORKING SO

THAT'S ALL.
WELL, I HAVE BEEN WORKING SO
HARD AT THIS, I MUST HAVE PASSED

WELL, I HAVE BEEN WORKING SO
HARD AT THIS, I MUST HAVE PASSED
OUT.

HARD AT THIS, I MUST HAVE PASSED
OUT.
THAT'S RIGHT, HONEY.

OUT.
THAT'S RIGHT, HONEY.
WE WERE INOCULATING WHEN YOU

THAT'S RIGHT, HONEY.
WE WERE INOCULATING WHEN YOU
CAME IN.

WE WERE INOCULATING WHEN YOU
CAME IN.
REALLY?

CAME IN.
REALLY?
THAT IS THE TRUTH.

REALLY?
THAT IS THE TRUTH.
THAT IS HONESTLY THE TRUTH.

THAT IS THE TRUTH.
THAT IS HONESTLY THE TRUTH.
OKAY, I SEE.

THAT IS HONESTLY THE TRUTH.
OKAY, I SEE.
I'M SORRY I GOT A LITTLE UPSET.

OKAY, I SEE.
I'M SORRY I GOT A LITTLE UPSET.
I MEAN, THE SWINE-FLU THING IS

I'M SORRY I GOT A LITTLE UPSET.
I MEAN, THE SWINE-FLU THING IS
IMPORTANT, I GUESS.

I MEAN, THE SWINE-FLU THING IS
IMPORTANT, I GUESS.
IT'S JUST GOT US ALL A LITTLE

IMPORTANT, I GUESS.
IT'S JUST GOT US ALL A LITTLE
CRAZY!

IT'S JUST GOT US ALL A LITTLE
CRAZY!
[ALL LAUGH]

CRAZY!
[ALL LAUGH]
THAT'S IT.

[ALL LAUGH]
THAT'S IT.
WELL, YOU'RE A VERY

THAT'S IT.
WELL, YOU'RE A VERY
UNDERSTANDING MAN, AND I THANK

WELL, YOU'RE A VERY
UNDERSTANDING MAN, AND I THANK
YOU, AND I GUESS I'D BETTER BE

UNDERSTANDING MAN, AND I THANK
YOU, AND I GUESS I'D BETTER BE
ON MY WAY.

YOU, AND I GUESS I'D BETTER BE
ON MY WAY.
AND I THANK YOU, AND I GUESS I'D

ON MY WAY.
AND I THANK YOU, AND I GUESS I'D
BETTER BE ON MY WAY.

AND I THANK YOU, AND I GUESS I'D
BETTER BE ON MY WAY.
OKAY. FINE.

BETTER BE ON MY WAY.
OKAY. FINE.
GOODBYE, ANGIE.

OKAY. FINE.
GOODBYE, ANGIE.
WAIT A MINUTE!

GOODBYE, ANGIE.
WAIT A MINUTE!
WHAT'S THIS BUSINESS WITH ANGIE?

WAIT A MINUTE!
WHAT'S THIS BUSINESS WITH ANGIE?
HOW DO YOU KNOW HER NAME?

WHAT'S THIS BUSINESS WITH ANGIE?
HOW DO YOU KNOW HER NAME?
LET ME SEE THOSE EYES.

HOW DO YOU KNOW HER NAME?
LET ME SEE THOSE EYES.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH THESE EYES?

LET ME SEE THOSE EYES.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH THESE EYES?
LET ME SEE THOSE EYES.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THESE EYES?
LET ME SEE THOSE EYES.
OH, MY GOD, DARLING!

LET ME SEE THOSE EYES.
OH, MY GOD, DARLING!
YOU'RE A LITTLE DILATED HERE.

OH, MY GOD, DARLING!
YOU'RE A LITTLE DILATED HERE.
I THINK YOU BETTER SIT DOWN.

YOU'RE A LITTLE DILATED HERE.
I THINK YOU BETTER SIT DOWN.
THEY DON'T LOOK TOO GOOD.

I THINK YOU BETTER SIT DOWN.
THEY DON'T LOOK TOO GOOD.
WHAT'S WRONG?

THEY DON'T LOOK TOO GOOD.
WHAT'S WRONG?
YOU'RE PERSPIRING A BIT, AND

WHAT'S WRONG?
YOU'RE PERSPIRING A BIT, AND
I THINK YOUR PULSE IS JUST A

YOU'RE PERSPIRING A BIT, AND
I THINK YOUR PULSE IS JUST A
LITTLE BIT HIGH.

I THINK YOUR PULSE IS JUST A
LITTLE BIT HIGH.
YOU JUST MIGHT HAVE A TOUCH OF

LITTLE BIT HIGH.
YOU JUST MIGHT HAVE A TOUCH OF
THE SWINE FLU.

YOU JUST MIGHT HAVE A TOUCH OF
THE SWINE FLU.
THE SWINE FLU... I'VE GOT IT?

THE SWINE FLU.
THE SWINE FLU... I'VE GOT IT?
YOU MIGHT HAVE IT.

THE SWINE FLU... I'VE GOT IT?
YOU MIGHT HAVE IT.
I'VE GOT IT?

YOU MIGHT HAVE IT.
I'VE GOT IT?
HE COULD USE AN INOCULATION.

I'VE GOT IT?
HE COULD USE AN INOCULATION.
LOOK, I'VE GOT PLENTY OF VACCINE

HE COULD USE AN INOCULATION.
LOOK, I'VE GOT PLENTY OF VACCINE
IN MY TRUCK.

LOOK, I'VE GOT PLENTY OF VACCINE
IN MY TRUCK.
YOU WAIT HERE, AND I'LL GET IT.

IN MY TRUCK.
YOU WAIT HERE, AND I'LL GET IT.
WE'LL TAKE CARE OF THIS RIGHT

YOU WAIT HERE, AND I'LL GET IT.
WE'LL TAKE CARE OF THIS RIGHT
AWAY.

WE'LL TAKE CARE OF THIS RIGHT
AWAY.
THE SWINE FLU... I'VE GOT IT?

AWAY.
THE SWINE FLU... I'VE GOT IT?
IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT.

THE SWINE FLU... I'VE GOT IT?
IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
I'M UNDER THE FIRST WAVE TO

IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
I'M UNDER THE FIRST WAVE TO
GET IT!

I'M UNDER THE FIRST WAVE TO
GET IT!
RIGHT OFF TO GET THAT

GET IT!
RIGHT OFF TO GET THAT
VACCINE.

RIGHT OFF TO GET THAT
VACCINE.
I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT

VACCINE.
I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT
ALL DAY.

I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT
ALL DAY.
I WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT IT ALL

ALL DAY.
I WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT IT ALL
DAY, YOU KNOW.

I WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT IT ALL
DAY, YOU KNOW.
BUT I GUESS I WAS LUCKY TO WALK

DAY, YOU KNOW.
BUT I GUESS I WAS LUCKY TO WALK
IN HERE WITH A PRESIDENTIAL

BUT I GUESS I WAS LUCKY TO WALK
IN HERE WITH A PRESIDENTIAL
INOCULATOR IN MY OWN HOME!

IN HERE WITH A PRESIDENTIAL
INOCULATOR IN MY OWN HOME!
THAT'S LUCK. THAT'S REAL LUCK.

INOCULATOR IN MY OWN HOME!
THAT'S LUCK. THAT'S REAL LUCK.
YES.

THAT'S LUCK. THAT'S REAL LUCK.
YES.
[ENGINE TURNS OVER, VEHICLE

YES.
[ENGINE TURNS OVER, VEHICLE
DEPARTS]

[ENGINE TURNS OVER, VEHICLE
DEPARTS]
HE'LL JUST GIVE ME A SHOT,

[DEPARTS]
HE'LL JUST GIVE ME A SHOT,
AND, UH...

HE'LL JUST GIVE ME A SHOT,
AND, UH...
I DON'T THINK HE'S COMING BACK

AND, UH...
I DON'T THINK HE'S COMING BACK
SOMEHOW.

I DON'T THINK HE'S COMING BACK
SOMEHOW.
WHO?

SOMEHOW.
WHO?
THE INOCULATOR.

WHO?
THE INOCULATOR.
THE WHAT?

THE INOCULATOR.
THE WHAT?
THE MEDICAL STUDENT WHO...

THE WHAT?
THE MEDICAL STUDENT WHO...
WITH THE CAR WASH, WHO... WHO

THE MEDICAL STUDENT WHO...
WITH THE CAR WASH, WHO... WHO
DELIVERS LAMPS, WHO... WHO...

WITH THE CAR WASH, WHO... WHO
DELIVERS LAMPS, WHO... WHO...
WHAT LAMP?

DELIVERS LAMPS, WHO... WHO...
WHAT LAMP?
WE'VE HAD THAT LAMP FOR 12

WHAT LAMP?
WE'VE HAD THAT LAMP FOR 12
YEARS.

WE'VE HAD THAT LAMP FOR 12
YEARS.
COME ON, DARLING, SUPPER IS

YEARS.
COME ON, DARLING, SUPPER IS
READY.

COME ON, DARLING, SUPPER IS
READY.
SUPPER!

READY.
SUPPER!
YEAH. I SHOULD EAT SOMETHING.

SUPPER!
YEAH. I SHOULD EAT SOMETHING.
I GOT AN APPETITE.

YEAH. I SHOULD EAT SOMETHING.
I GOT AN APPETITE.
THAT'S A GOOD SIGN.

I GOT AN APPETITE.
THAT'S A GOOD SIGN.
MAYBE... MAYBE I DON'T HAVE IT!

THAT'S A GOOD SIGN.
MAYBE... MAYBE I DON'T HAVE IT!
MAYBE I DON'T HAVE THAT OLD

MAYBE... MAYBE I DON'T HAVE IT!
MAYBE I DON'T HAVE THAT OLD
SWINE!

MAYBE I DON'T HAVE THAT OLD
SWINE!
MAYBE I DON'T GOT THAT OLD

SWINE!
MAYBE I DON'T GOT THAT OLD
SWINE FLU.

MAYBE I DON'T GOT THAT OLD
SWINE FLU.
YEAH!

[ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYS]

GOOD EVENING.
WELCOME TO
"VACATIONLAND ADVENTURE."

WELCOME TO
"VACATIONLAND ADVENTURE."
I'M YOUR HOST, JANE CURTIN.

"VACATIONLAND ADVENTURE."
I'M YOUR HOST, JANE CURTIN.
TONIGHT OUR GUEST IS

I'M YOUR HOST, JANE CURTIN.
TONIGHT OUR GUEST IS
PIOTRE SELUGA, HEAD OF THE

TONIGHT OUR GUEST IS
PIOTRE SELUGA, HEAD OF THE
BULGARIAN TOURIST BUREAU, WHO IS

PIOTRE SELUGA, HEAD OF THE
BULGARIAN TOURIST BUREAU, WHO IS
HERE TO OPEN OUR EYES TO THE

BULGARIAN TOURIST BUREAU, WHO IS
HERE TO OPEN OUR EYES TO THE
EXOTIC PLEASURES OF BULGARIA,

HERE TO OPEN OUR EYES TO THE
EXOTIC PLEASURES OF BULGARIA,
THE BALKAN PLAYLAND.

EXOTIC PLEASURES OF BULGARIA,
THE BALKAN PLAYLAND.
WELCOME, PIOTRE.

THE BALKAN PLAYLAND.
WELCOME, PIOTRE.
[Foreign accent] THANK YOU

WELCOME, PIOTRE.
[Foreign accent] THANK YOU
VERY MUCH, JANE.

[Foreign accent] THANK YOU
VERY MUCH, JANE.
IT'S VERY WONDERFUL TO BE HERE.

VERY MUCH, JANE.
IT'S VERY WONDERFUL TO BE HERE.
AS IT HAPPENS, I AM ON VACATION

IT'S VERY WONDERFUL TO BE HERE.
AS IT HAPPENS, I AM ON VACATION
MYSELF.

AS IT HAPPENS, I AM ON VACATION
MYSELF.
OH.

MYSELF.
OH.
THAT'S RIGHT.

OH.
THAT'S RIGHT.
WELL, TELL US, HOW DOES

THAT'S RIGHT.
WELL, TELL US, HOW DOES
AMERICA COMPARE WITH BULGARIA?

WELL, TELL US, HOW DOES
AMERICA COMPARE WITH BULGARIA?
NO GOOD. NOPE.

AMERICA COMPARE WITH BULGARIA?
NO GOOD. NOPE.
OH, REALLY?

NO GOOD. NOPE.
OH, REALLY?
WHERE ARE YOU STAYING?

OH, REALLY?
WHERE ARE YOU STAYING?
ATLANTIC CITY.

WHERE ARE YOU STAYING?
ATLANTIC CITY.
THAT'S RIGHT.

ATLANTIC CITY.
THAT'S RIGHT.
THERE'S NOT TOO... A PLACE...

THAT'S RIGHT.
THERE'S NOT TOO... A PLACE...
NOT ONE GOOD PLACE YOU CAN GET A

THERE'S NOT TOO... A PLACE...
NOT ONE GOOD PLACE YOU CAN GET A
REALLY GOOD POTATO KASKA.

NOT ONE GOOD PLACE YOU CAN GET A
REALLY GOOD POTATO KASKA.
IN ATLANTIC CITY, THEY MAKE THEM

REALLY GOOD POTATO KASKA.
IN ATLANTIC CITY, THEY MAKE THEM
JUST LIKE HOME.

IN ATLANTIC CITY, THEY MAKE THEM
JUST LIKE HOME.
WHAT'S A POTATO KASKA?

JUST LIKE HOME.
WHAT'S A POTATO KASKA?
IT SOUNDS DELICIOUS.

WHAT'S A POTATO KASKA?
IT SOUNDS DELICIOUS.
IT'S A DUMP.

IT SOUNDS DELICIOUS.
IT'S A DUMP.
YOU MEAN A DUMPLING?

IT'S A DUMP.
YOU MEAN A DUMPLING?
NO, NO, NO, IT'S MORE LIKE A

YOU MEAN A DUMPLING?
NO, NO, NO, IT'S MORE LIKE A
DUMP.

NO, NO, NO, IT'S MORE LIKE A
DUMP.
IT'S A LITTLE SMALLER.

DUMP.
IT'S A LITTLE SMALLER.
IT'S NOT QUITE A DUMPLING.

IT'S A LITTLE SMALLER.
IT'S NOT QUITE A DUMPLING.
THIS IS IT RIGHT HERE.

IT'S NOT QUITE A DUMPLING.
THIS IS IT RIGHT HERE.
VERY GOOD. YOU WANT SOME?

THIS IS IT RIGHT HERE.
VERY GOOD. YOU WANT SOME?
OH, NO, NO, NO. THANK YOU.

VERY GOOD. YOU WANT SOME?
OH, NO, NO, NO. THANK YOU.
MMM.

OH, NO, NO, NO. THANK YOU.
MMM.
WELL, IF I WANT TO VACATION

MMM.
WELL, IF I WANT TO VACATION
IN BULGARIA, I SUPPOSE I'D HAVE

WELL, IF I WANT TO VACATION
IN BULGARIA, I SUPPOSE I'D HAVE
TO GO DURING THE SUMMER TO A

IN BULGARIA, I SUPPOSE I'D HAVE
TO GO DURING THE SUMMER TO A
RESORT ON THE BLACK SEA.

TO GO DURING THE SUMMER TO A
RESORT ON THE BLACK SEA.
OH, NOT NECESSARILY SO, JANE.

RESORT ON THE BLACK SEA.
OH, NOT NECESSARILY SO, JANE.
SEE, BULGARIA'S A REAL... A

OH, NOT NECESSARILY SO, JANE.
SEE, BULGARIA'S A REAL... A
REAL, REAL, REAL YEAR-ROUND

SEE, BULGARIA'S A REAL... A
REAL, REAL, REAL YEAR-ROUND
VACATION LAND.

REAL, REAL, REAL YEAR-ROUND
VACATION LAND.
OH.

VACATION LAND.
OH.
MM-HMM.

OH.
MM-HMM.
IN FACT, I BROUGHT WITH ME SOME

MM-HMM.
IN FACT, I BROUGHT WITH ME SOME
FILM, TWO REELS OF FILM, AND ONE

IN FACT, I BROUGHT WITH ME SOME
FILM, TWO REELS OF FILM, AND ONE
OF A SUMMER RESORT, AND THE

FILM, TWO REELS OF FILM, AND ONE
OF A SUMMER RESORT, AND THE
OTHER, BULGARIAN WINTER SPORTS

OF A SUMMER RESORT, AND THE
OTHER, BULGARIAN WINTER SPORTS
AND RESORTS.

OTHER, BULGARIAN WINTER SPORTS
AND RESORTS.
BUT UNFORTUNATELY, I-I LEFT THE

AND RESORTS.
BUT UNFORTUNATELY, I-I LEFT THE
SUMMER FILM ON THE BUS ON THE

BUT UNFORTUNATELY, I-I LEFT THE
SUMMER FILM ON THE BUS ON THE
WAY OVER HERE.

SUMMER FILM ON THE BUS ON THE
WAY OVER HERE.
THE BUS FROM THE AIRPORT?

WAY OVER HERE.
THE BUS FROM THE AIRPORT?
NO, THE BUS FROM BULGARIA.

THE BUS FROM THE AIRPORT?
NO, THE BUS FROM BULGARIA.
TOOK THE BUS ALL THE WAY OVER

NO, THE BUS FROM BULGARIA.
TOOK THE BUS ALL THE WAY OVER
HERE.

TOOK THE BUS ALL THE WAY OVER
HERE.
OH.

HERE.
OH.
I'M SORRY.

OH.
I'M SORRY.
SO I HAVE ONLY "BULGARIA THIS

I'M SORRY.
SO I HAVE ONLY "BULGARIA THIS
WINTER" PROMO.

SO I HAVE ONLY "BULGARIA THIS
WINTER" PROMO.
IF YOU LIKE TO SEE THAT, I WILL

WINTER" PROMO.
IF YOU LIKE TO SEE THAT, I WILL
SHOW THAT.

IF YOU LIKE TO SEE THAT, I WILL
SHOW THAT.
WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD.

SHOW THAT.
WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD.
THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN A PERFECT

WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD.
THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN A PERFECT
TIME TO PUT IN A PLUG FOR SUMMER

THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN A PERFECT
TIME TO PUT IN A PLUG FOR SUMMER
VACATION.

TIME TO PUT IN A PLUG FOR SUMMER
VACATION.
YEAH, WELL, YES, ESPECIALLY

VACATION.
YEAH, WELL, YES, ESPECIALLY
THIS SUMMER BECAUSE THIS SUMMER,

YEAH, WELL, YES, ESPECIALLY
THIS SUMMER BECAUSE THIS SUMMER,
WE ARE CELEBRATING BIG 21st

THIS SUMMER BECAUSE THIS SUMMER,
WE ARE CELEBRATING BIG 21st
ANNIVERSARY OF THE END OF

WE ARE CELEBRATING BIG 21st
ANNIVERSARY OF THE END OF
WORLD WAR II.

ANNIVERSARY OF THE END OF
WORLD WAR II.
AND OUR... AND OUR SLOGAN THIS

WORLD WAR II.
AND OUR... AND OUR SLOGAN THIS
YEAR... OUR SLOGAN IS "PEACE HAS

AND OUR... AND OUR SLOGAN THIS
YEAR... OUR SLOGAN IS "PEACE HAS
BECOME AN ADULT."

YEAR... OUR SLOGAN IS "PEACE HAS
BECOME AN ADULT."
21.

BECOME AN ADULT."
21.
IT SHOULD BE QUITE A HISTORIC

21.
IT SHOULD BE QUITE A HISTORIC
CELEBRATION, ESPECIALLY FOR

IT SHOULD BE QUITE A HISTORIC
CELEBRATION, ESPECIALLY FOR
AMERICAN STUDENTS IN YOUR

CELEBRATION, ESPECIALLY FOR
AMERICAN STUDENTS IN YOUR
BICENTENNIAL YEAR.

AMERICAN STUDENTS IN YOUR
BICENTENNIAL YEAR.
YES, I CAN SEE THAT.

BICENTENNIAL YEAR.
YES, I CAN SEE THAT.
I WOULDN'T WANT TO MISS.

YES, I CAN SEE THAT.
I WOULDN'T WANT TO MISS.
MM-HMM.

I WOULDN'T WANT TO MISS.
MM-HMM.
WELL, LET'S ROLL THE FILM.

MM-HMM.
WELL, LET'S ROLL THE FILM.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, "BULGARIA

WELL, LET'S ROLL THE FILM.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, "BULGARIA
THIS WINTER."

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, "BULGARIA
THIS WINTER."
OKAY. IT'S UP.

THIS WINTER."
OKAY. IT'S UP.
YOU CAN SEE IT ON YOUR MONITORS.

OKAY. IT'S UP.
YOU CAN SEE IT ON YOUR MONITORS.
AH, HERE IT IS!

YOU CAN SEE IT ON YOUR MONITORS.
AH, HERE IT IS!
AH, BEHOLD THE CLASSIC BEAUTY OF

AH, HERE IT IS!
AH, BEHOLD THE CLASSIC BEAUTY OF
YORIC HARBOR AS WE ARRIVE IN

AH, BEHOLD THE CLASSIC BEAUTY OF
YORIC HARBOR AS WE ARRIVE IN
PICTURESQUE BURGAS AND THE

YORIC HARBOR AS WE ARRIVE IN
PICTURESQUE BURGAS AND THE
FLAGSHIP OF OUR LUXURY FLEET.

PICTURESQUE BURGAS AND THE
FLAGSHIP OF OUR LUXURY FLEET.
ISN'T THAT BEAUTIFUL?

FLAGSHIP OF OUR LUXURY FLEET.
ISN'T THAT BEAUTIFUL?
YES.

ISN'T THAT BEAUTIFUL?
YES.
BY DAY, BULGARIANS ARE AN

YES.
BY DAY, BULGARIANS ARE AN
INDUSTRIOUS PEOPLE.

BY DAY, BULGARIANS ARE AN
INDUSTRIOUS PEOPLE.
HERE, WORKERS MAKE ICE SCULPTURE

INDUSTRIOUS PEOPLE.
HERE, WORKERS MAKE ICE SCULPTURE
HONORING BULGARIA'S UNKNOWN

HERE, WORKERS MAKE ICE SCULPTURE
HONORING BULGARIA'S UNKNOWN
SOLDIER, IGOR GOTHA.

HONORING BULGARIA'S UNKNOWN
SOLDIER, IGOR GOTHA.
AH, HERE PREPARATIONS ARE BEING

SOLDIER, IGOR GOTHA.
AH, HERE PREPARATIONS ARE BEING
MADE FOR BULGARIAN LUAU.

AH, HERE PREPARATIONS ARE BEING
MADE FOR BULGARIAN LUAU.
OH!

MADE FOR BULGARIAN LUAU.
OH!
AH, WATCH IT NOW.

OH!
AH, WATCH IT NOW.
LOOK, HE'S A BIG ONE.

AH, WATCH IT NOW.
LOOK, HE'S A BIG ONE.
HE'S A BIG ONE.

LOOK, HE'S A BIG ONE.
HE'S A BIG ONE.
GET IN THERE. COME ON!

HE'S A BIG ONE.
GET IN THERE. COME ON!
COME ON!

GET IN THERE. COME ON!
COME ON!
OH, BIG LUAU.

COME ON!
OH, BIG LUAU.
AHH!

OH, BIG LUAU.
AHH!
AND WE DANCE TILL CURFEW AT ONE

AHH!
AND WE DANCE TILL CURFEW AT ONE
OF THREE NIGHTCLUBS IN SOFIA.

AND WE DANCE TILL CURFEW AT ONE
OF THREE NIGHTCLUBS IN SOFIA.
WE DANCE AND DANCE AND DANCE.

OF THREE NIGHTCLUBS IN SOFIA.
WE DANCE AND DANCE AND DANCE.
AND WHO KNOWS?

WE DANCE AND DANCE AND DANCE.
AND WHO KNOWS?
MAYBE YOU WILL FIND ROMANCE

AND WHO KNOWS?
MAYBE YOU WILL FIND ROMANCE
UNDERNEATH THE BIG BULGARIAN

MAYBE YOU WILL FIND ROMANCE
UNDERNEATH THE BIG BULGARIAN
MOON.

UNDERNEATH THE BIG BULGARIAN
MOON.
AH.

MOON.
AH.
GO, BABY. GO, GO!

AH.
GO, BABY. GO, GO!
YEAH! GET IT ON.

GO, BABY. GO, GO!
YEAH! GET IT ON.
WHEN IN KEREKA, WHY NOT TRY YOUR

YEAH! GET IT ON.
WHEN IN KEREKA, WHY NOT TRY YOUR
HAND AT SLED RACING?

WHEN IN KEREKA, WHY NOT TRY YOUR
HAND AT SLED RACING?
EXCITING?

HAND AT SLED RACING?
EXCITING?
OH, BOY, YOU BET!

EXCITING?
OH, BOY, YOU BET!
WATCH THIS.

OH, BOY, YOU BET!
WATCH THIS.
OHHH!

WATCH THIS.
OHHH!
THAT'S FUN.

OHHH!
THAT'S FUN.
YEAH, YOU WORK UP A HEARTY

THAT'S FUN.
YEAH, YOU WORK UP A HEARTY
APPETITE IN THE SLOPES, AND

YEAH, YOU WORK UP A HEARTY
APPETITE IN THE SLOPES, AND
BULGARIAN FOOD... MMM!

APPETITE IN THE SLOPES, AND
BULGARIAN FOOD... MMM!
AHH, FANTASTIC!

BULGARIAN FOOD... MMM!
AHH, FANTASTIC!
OHH, SAUSAGES!

AHH, FANTASTIC!
OHH, SAUSAGES!
SAUSAGES!

OHH, SAUSAGES!
SAUSAGES!
OH!

SAUSAGES!
OH!
BULGARIAN SAUSAGES MAKE ANY

OH!
BULGARIAN SAUSAGES MAKE ANY
BULGARIAN DANCE.

BULGARIAN SAUSAGES MAKE ANY
BULGARIAN DANCE.
THE OLD PEOPLE TUBA-DANCE.

BULGARIAN DANCE.
THE OLD PEOPLE TUBA-DANCE.
AH, I SEE.

THE OLD PEOPLE TUBA-DANCE.
AH, I SEE.
YOU SEE?

AH, I SEE.
YOU SEE?
THE OLD PEOPLE TUBA-DANCE.

YOU SEE?
THE OLD PEOPLE TUBA-DANCE.
AHH.

THE OLD PEOPLE TUBA-DANCE.
AHH.
AND POTATO KASKA BRINGS A SMILE

AHH.
AND POTATO KASKA BRINGS A SMILE
TO EVERY BULGARIAN FACE.

AND POTATO KASKA BRINGS A SMILE
TO EVERY BULGARIAN FACE.
OH, LOOK AT THAT.

TO EVERY BULGARIAN FACE.
OH, LOOK AT THAT.
OH, THERE ARE SO MANY OF

OH, LOOK AT THAT.
OH, THERE ARE SO MANY OF
THEM.

OH, THERE ARE SO MANY OF
THEM.
AND YOU NEVER LEAVE THE TABLE

THEM.
AND YOU NEVER LEAVE THE TABLE
WANTING MORE.

AND YOU NEVER LEAVE THE TABLE
WANTING MORE.
LOOK, HE'S NOT GOING NO PLACE.

WANTING MORE.
LOOK, HE'S NOT GOING NO PLACE.
AH, AND OF COURSE, THERE'S

LOOK, HE'S NOT GOING NO PLACE.
AH, AND OF COURSE, THERE'S
ALWAYS SWIMMING.

AH, AND OF COURSE, THERE'S
ALWAYS SWIMMING.
OH, YES.

ALWAYS SWIMMING.
OH, YES.
COME AND EXPERIENCE BULGARIA

OH, YES.
COME AND EXPERIENCE BULGARIA
THIS WINTER!

COME AND EXPERIENCE BULGARIA
THIS WINTER!
WELL...

THIS WINTER!
WELL...
OH, YES. VERY NICE.

WELL...
OH, YES. VERY NICE.
THAT WAS TRULY WONDERFUL,

OH, YES. VERY NICE.
THAT WAS TRULY WONDERFUL,
PIOTRE.

THAT WAS TRULY WONDERFUL,
PIOTRE.
IT'S TOO BAD YOU FORGOT THE

PIOTRE.
IT'S TOO BAD YOU FORGOT THE
SUMMER FILM.

IT'S TOO BAD YOU FORGOT THE
SUMMER FILM.
AH, WELL, JANE, AT LEAST I

SUMMER FILM.
AH, WELL, JANE, AT LEAST I
HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN MY BULGARIAN

AH, WELL, JANE, AT LEAST I
HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN MY BULGARIAN
SENSE OF HUMOR.

HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN MY BULGARIAN
SENSE OF HUMOR.
UH-HUH.

SENSE OF HUMOR.
UH-HUH.
AND I'D LIKE TO CONCLUDE MY

UH-HUH.
AND I'D LIKE TO CONCLUDE MY
PRESENTATION WITH A LITTLE JOKE,

AND I'D LIKE TO CONCLUDE MY
PRESENTATION WITH A LITTLE JOKE,
A BULGARIAN JOKE, TO SHOW THAT

PRESENTATION WITH A LITTLE JOKE,
A BULGARIAN JOKE, TO SHOW THAT
WE HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR.

A BULGARIAN JOKE, TO SHOW THAT
WE HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR.
WE ARE VERY FUNNY PEOPLE.

WE HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR.
WE ARE VERY FUNNY PEOPLE.
OKAY, HOW MANY SERBO-CROATIANS

WE ARE VERY FUNNY PEOPLE.
OKAY, HOW MANY SERBO-CROATIANS
DOES IT TAKE TO SINK A KROPITNE?

OKAY, HOW MANY SERBO-CROATIANS
DOES IT TAKE TO SINK A KROPITNE?
I DON'T KNOW. HOW MANY?

DOES IT TAKE TO SINK A KROPITNE?
I DON'T KNOW. HOW MANY?
47... 7 SERBS AND 40

I DON'T KNOW. HOW MANY?
47... 7 SERBS AND 40
CROATIANS.

47... 7 SERBS AND 40
CROATIANS.
[LAUGHS]

CROATIANS.
[LAUGHS]
IN A JOKE, IT'S ALL IN THE

[LAUGHS]
IN A JOKE, IT'S ALL IN THE
TIMING, YOU KNOW, IN THE

IN A JOKE, IT'S ALL IN THE
TIMING, YOU KNOW, IN THE
BULGARIAN THING.

TIMING, YOU KNOW, IN THE
BULGARIAN THING.
IT'S A WHOLE DIFFERENT CULTURE.

BULGARIAN THING.
IT'S A WHOLE DIFFERENT CULTURE.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND IT HERE,

IT'S A WHOLE DIFFERENT CULTURE.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND IT HERE,
BUT IT'S VERY FUNNY.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND IT HERE,
BUT IT'S VERY FUNNY.
I'M SURE THEY UNDERSTAND IT

BUT IT'S VERY FUNNY.
I'M SURE THEY UNDERSTAND IT
THERE.

I'M SURE THEY UNDERSTAND IT
THERE.
AND THANK YOU VERY MUCH, PIOTRE.

THERE.
AND THANK YOU VERY MUCH, PIOTRE.
JOIN US NEXT WEEK WHEN

AND THANK YOU VERY MUCH, PIOTRE.
JOIN US NEXT WEEK WHEN
"VACATIONLAND ADVENTURE" TAKES A

JOIN US NEXT WEEK WHEN
"VACATIONLAND ADVENTURE" TAKES A
LOOK AT RHODESIA.

"VACATIONLAND ADVENTURE" TAKES A
LOOK AT RHODESIA.
OOH.

ONE OF MY FAVORITE PARTS OF
BEING IN THE STUDIO THIS WEEK
HAS BEEN LISTENING TO THE MUSIC

BEING IN THE STUDIO THIS WEEK
HAS BEEN LISTENING TO THE MUSIC
OF LEON AND MARY RUSSELL.

HAS BEEN LISTENING TO THE MUSIC
OF LEON AND MARY RUSSELL.
HUH?

OF LEON AND MARY RUSSELL.
HUH?
[Hoarsely] YOU KNOW, DREAMS

HUH?
[Hoarsely] YOU KNOW, DREAMS
REALLY DO COME TRUE, YOU KNOW.

[Hoarsely] YOU KNOW, DREAMS
REALLY DO COME TRUE, YOU KNOW.
DREAMS REALLY DO COME TRUE.

REALLY DO COME TRUE, YOU KNOW.
DREAMS REALLY DO COME TRUE.
DANNY...

DREAMS REALLY DO COME TRUE.
DANNY...
AND I'M A PART OF YOUR DREAM

DANNY...
AND I'M A PART OF YOUR DREAM
NOW.

AND I'M A PART OF YOUR DREAM
NOW.
DANNY, IT IS NOT "A MAN COMES

NOW.
DANNY, IT IS NOT "A MAN COMES
UP TO ME, AND HE IS HOARSE."

DANNY, IT IS NOT "A MAN COMES
UP TO ME, AND HE IS HOARSE."
OH. IT'S NOT?

UP TO ME, AND HE IS HOARSE."
OH. IT'S NOT?
NO, IT'S NOT.

OH. IT'S NOT?
NO, IT'S NOT.
IT'S "A MAN RIDES UP TO ME ON A

NO, IT'S NOT.
IT'S "A MAN RIDES UP TO ME ON A
BIG, WHITE HORSE."

IT'S "A MAN RIDES UP TO ME ON A
BIG, WHITE HORSE."
[Normal voice] WELL, I

BIG, WHITE HORSE."
[Normal voice] WELL, I
COULDN'T HEAR THAT MONOLOGUE

[Normal voice] WELL, I
COULDN'T HEAR THAT MONOLOGUE
BACKSTAGE.

COULDN'T HEAR THAT MONOLOGUE
BACKSTAGE.
YOU KNOW, I MEAN, LORNE WAS ON

BACKSTAGE.
YOU KNOW, I MEAN, LORNE WAS ON
THE PHONE WITH BRIAN EPSTEIN.

YOU KNOW, I MEAN, LORNE WAS ON
THE PHONE WITH BRIAN EPSTEIN.
I WAS LISTENING IN, YOU KNOW.

THE PHONE WITH BRIAN EPSTEIN.
I WAS LISTENING IN, YOU KNOW.
I'M JUST A GUY LOOKING FOR A

I WAS LISTENING IN, YOU KNOW.
I'M JUST A GUY LOOKING FOR A
LITTLE RAY OF CALIFORNIA

I'M JUST A GUY LOOKING FOR A
LITTLE RAY OF CALIFORNIA
SUNSHINE, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I

LITTLE RAY OF CALIFORNIA
SUNSHINE, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I
MEAN.

SUNSHINE, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I
MEAN.
THAT WAS REALLY NICE OF YOU.

MEAN.
THAT WAS REALLY NICE OF YOU.
I APPRECIATE YOU TRYING.

THAT WAS REALLY NICE OF YOU.
I APPRECIATE YOU TRYING.
OKAY.

I APPRECIATE YOU TRYING.
OKAY.
THANK YOU, DANNY.

OKAY.
THANK YOU, DANNY.
THAT WAS SWEET. THANK YOU.

THANK YOU, DANNY.
THAT WAS SWEET. THANK YOU.
OKAY, NOW LEON AND MARY RUSSELL.

THAT WAS SWEET. THANK YOU.
OKAY, NOW LEON AND MARY RUSSELL.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

♪ I WANT TO SATISFY YOU ♪
♪ HOLD YOU IN MY ARMS
RIGHT HERE FOREVER ♪

♪ HOLD YOU IN MY ARMS
RIGHT HERE FOREVER ♪
♪ AND YET I WANT TO LISTEN TO

RIGHT HERE FOREVER ♪
♪ AND YET I WANT TO LISTEN TO
YOUR HEART ♪

♪ AND YET I WANT TO LISTEN TO
YOUR HEART ♪
♪ MOVING IN A WAY THAT MAKES YOU

YOUR HEART ♪
♪ MOVING IN A WAY THAT MAKES YOU
SAY ♪

♪ MOVING IN A WAY THAT MAKES YOU
SAY ♪
♪ I WANT TO SATISFY YOU ♪

SAY ♪
♪ I WANT TO SATISFY YOU ♪
♪ TAKE ME IN YOUR ARMS AND LET

♪ I WANT TO SATISFY YOU ♪
♪ TAKE ME IN YOUR ARMS AND LET
ME KNOW YOU ♪

♪ TAKE ME IN YOUR ARMS AND LET
ME KNOW YOU ♪
♪ AND WHEN I CALL OUT YOUR

ME KNOW YOU ♪
♪ AND WHEN I CALL OUT YOUR
NAME ♪

♪ AND WHEN I CALL OUT YOUR
NAME ♪
♪ YOU'LL KNOW JUST WHAT I'M

NAME ♪
♪ YOU'LL KNOW JUST WHAT I'M
CALLING FOR ♪

♪ YOU'LL KNOW JUST WHAT I'M
CALLING FOR ♪
♪ I LOVE THE WAY YOU DO THE

CALLING FOR ♪
♪ I LOVE THE WAY YOU DO THE
THINGS YOU DO ♪

♪ I LOVE THE WAY YOU DO THE
THINGS YOU DO ♪
♪ I WANT TO SATISFY YOU ♪

THINGS YOU DO ♪
♪ I WANT TO SATISFY YOU ♪
♪ WELL, REAL LOVE'S GOT A

♪ I WANT TO SATISFY YOU ♪
♪ WELL, REAL LOVE'S GOT A
MIND OF ITS OWN ♪

♪ WELL, REAL LOVE'S GOT A
MIND OF ITS OWN ♪
♪ AND THERE'S NO WAY TO

MIND OF ITS OWN ♪
♪ AND THERE'S NO WAY TO
EXPLAIN ♪

♪ AND THERE'S NO WAY TO
EXPLAIN ♪
♪ THIS FEELING THAT COMES OVER

EXPLAIN ♪
♪ THIS FEELING THAT COMES OVER
ME EACH TIME I HEAR YOUR NAME ♪

♪ THIS FEELING THAT COMES OVER
ME EACH TIME I HEAR YOUR NAME ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪

ME EACH TIME I HEAR YOUR NAME ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ I WANT TO SATISFY YOU ♪

♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ I WANT TO SATISFY YOU ♪
[SAXOPHONE SOLO]

♪ YEAH, I LOVE THE WAY YOU DO
THE THINGS YOU DO ♪
♪ I WANT TO SATISFY YOU ♪

THE THINGS YOU DO ♪
♪ I WANT TO SATISFY YOU ♪
♪ REAL LOVE'S GOT A MIND OF

♪ I WANT TO SATISFY YOU ♪
♪ REAL LOVE'S GOT A MIND OF
ITS OWN ♪

♪ REAL LOVE'S GOT A MIND OF
ITS OWN ♪
♪ NO WAY TO EXPLAIN ♪

ITS OWN ♪
♪ NO WAY TO EXPLAIN ♪
♪ THIS FEELING THAT COMES OVER

♪ NO WAY TO EXPLAIN ♪
♪ THIS FEELING THAT COMES OVER
ME EACH TIME I HEAR YOUR NAME ♪

♪ THIS FEELING THAT COMES OVER
ME EACH TIME I HEAR YOUR NAME ♪
♪ HEY, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪

ME EACH TIME I HEAR YOUR NAME ♪
♪ HEY, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ I WANT TO SATISFY YOU ♪

♪ HEY, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ I WANT TO SATISFY YOU ♪
♪ LOVE YOU ALL MY LIFE AND LIVE

♪ I WANT TO SATISFY YOU ♪
♪ LOVE YOU ALL MY LIFE AND LIVE
FOREVER ♪

♪ LOVE YOU ALL MY LIFE AND LIVE
FOREVER ♪
♪ OH, OH, OH, OH ♪

FOREVER ♪
♪ OH, OH, OH, OH ♪
♪ HONEY, I'M LOVING ALL THE

♪ OH, OH, OH, OH ♪
♪ HONEY, I'M LOVING ALL THE
TIME WE SPEND TOGETHER ♪

♪ HONEY, I'M LOVING ALL THE
TIME WE SPEND TOGETHER ♪
♪ YOU KNOW JUST WHAT I'M GONNA

TIME WE SPEND TOGETHER ♪
♪ YOU KNOW JUST WHAT I'M GONNA
DO ♪

♪ YOU KNOW JUST WHAT I'M GONNA
DO ♪
♪ HONEY, I LOVE THE WAY YOU DO

DO ♪
♪ HONEY, I LOVE THE WAY YOU DO
THE THINGS YOU DO ♪

♪ HONEY, I LOVE THE WAY YOU DO
THE THINGS YOU DO ♪
♪ WELL, THE THINGS YOU DO

THE THINGS YOU DO ♪
♪ WELL, THE THINGS YOU DO
JUST THRILL ME THROUGH AND

♪ WELL, THE THINGS YOU DO
JUST THRILL ME THROUGH AND
THROUGH ♪

JUST THRILL ME THROUGH AND
THROUGH ♪
♪ YEAH, HONEY, I LOVE THE WAY

THROUGH ♪
♪ YEAH, HONEY, I LOVE THE WAY
YOU DO THE THINGS YOU DO ♪

♪ YEAH, HONEY, I LOVE THE WAY
YOU DO THE THINGS YOU DO ♪
♪ I WANT TO SATISFY ♪

YOU DO THE THINGS YOU DO ♪
♪ I WANT TO SATISFY ♪
♪ YOU ♪

♪ I WANT TO SATISFY ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ SATISFY ♪

♪ YOU ♪
♪ SATISFY ♪
♪ I WANT TO SATISFY YOU,

♪ SATISFY ♪
♪ I WANT TO SATISFY YOU,
TOO ♪

♪ I WANT TO SATISFY YOU,
TOO ♪
♪ I WANT TO SATISFY MY BABY ♪

TOO ♪
♪ I WANT TO SATISFY MY BABY ♪
♪ I WANT TO SATISFY YOU ♪

♪ I WANT TO SATISFY MY BABY ♪
♪ I WANT TO SATISFY YOU ♪
♪ OH, I WANT TO SATISFY MY

♪ I WANT TO SATISFY YOU ♪
♪ OH, I WANT TO SATISFY MY
BABY ♪

♪ OH, I WANT TO SATISFY MY
BABY ♪
♪ I WANT TO SATISFY YOU,

BABY ♪
♪ I WANT TO SATISFY YOU,
TOO ♪

♪ I WANT TO SATISFY YOU,
TOO ♪
♪ YEAH, I WANT TO SATISFY MY

TOO ♪
♪ YEAH, I WANT TO SATISFY MY
BABY ♪

♪ YEAH, I WANT TO SATISFY MY
BABY ♪
♪ I WANT TO SATISFY YOU,

BABY ♪
♪ I WANT TO SATISFY YOU,
TOO ♪

♪ I WANT TO SATISFY YOU,
TOO ♪
♪ OH, I WANT TO SATISFY MY

TOO ♪
♪ OH, I WANT TO SATISFY MY
BABY ♪

♪ OH, I WANT TO SATISFY MY
BABY ♪
♪ I WANT TO SATISFY YOU,

BABY ♪
♪ I WANT TO SATISFY YOU,
TOO ♪

♪ I WANT TO SATISFY YOU,
TOO ♪
♪ OH, OH ♪

TOO ♪
♪ OH, OH ♪
[GUITAR SOLO]

♪ YE-E-E-E-E-AH ♪
[FINALE PLAYS]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

LARAINE...
HI, GILDA. HI, LARAINE.
JUST WAIT ONE SECOND.

HI, GILDA. HI, LARAINE.
JUST WAIT ONE SECOND.
LARAINE, YOU KNOW THAT NEXT

JUST WAIT ONE SECOND.
LARAINE, YOU KNOW THAT NEXT
WEEK, MAY 22nd, ON "SATURDAY

LARAINE, YOU KNOW THAT NEXT
WEEK, MAY 22nd, ON "SATURDAY
NIGHT," BUCK HENRY'S GONNA BE

WEEK, MAY 22nd, ON "SATURDAY
NIGHT," BUCK HENRY'S GONNA BE
HOSTING THE SHOW.

NIGHT," BUCK HENRY'S GONNA BE
HOSTING THE SHOW.
BUCK HENRY, EW! UGH!

HOSTING THE SHOW.
BUCK HENRY, EW! UGH!
LARAINE, HE WAS ON BEFORE.

BUCK HENRY, EW! UGH!
LARAINE, HE WAS ON BEFORE.
HE WAS WONDERFUL.

LARAINE, HE WAS ON BEFORE.
HE WAS WONDERFUL.
OH, HE'S DISGUSTING! UGH!

HE WAS WONDERFUL.
OH, HE'S DISGUSTING! UGH!
LARAINE, HE WAS REALLY...

OH, HE'S DISGUSTING! UGH!
LARAINE, HE WAS REALLY...
JUST...

LARAINE, HE WAS REALLY...
JUST...
GORDON LIGHTFOOT WILL BE ON,

JUST...
GORDON LIGHTFOOT WILL BE ON,
TOO.

GORDON LIGHTFOOT WILL BE ON,
TOO.
WAIT ONE SECOND.

TOO.
WAIT ONE SECOND.
LARAINE, YOU MUST BE A LOT

WAIT ONE SECOND.
LARAINE, YOU MUST BE A LOT
NICER.

LARAINE, YOU MUST BE A LOT
NICER.
REALLY, GILDA, HE'S JUST

NICER.
REALLY, GILDA, HE'S JUST
DISGUSTING!

REALLY, GILDA, HE'S JUST
DISGUSTING!
OH, DON'T, DON'T, DON'T.

DISGUSTING!
OH, DON'T, DON'T, DON'T.
OH. IT'S OKAY.

OH, DON'T, DON'T, DON'T.
OH. IT'S OKAY.
BUCK.

OH. IT'S OKAY.
BUCK.
HI, LARAINE.

BUCK.
HI, LARAINE.
OH, HONEY, JUST LET ME GIVE

HI, LARAINE.
OH, HONEY, JUST LET ME GIVE
YOU A KISS.

OH, HONEY, JUST LET ME GIVE
YOU A KISS.
BUCK, WE'LL BE EXCITED TO

YOU A KISS.
BUCK, WE'LL BE EXCITED TO
WORK WITH YOU NEXT WEEK, OKAY?

BUCK, WE'LL BE EXCITED TO
WORK WITH YOU NEXT WEEK, OKAY?
OH, I'M SURE YOU WILL BE.

WORK WITH YOU NEXT WEEK, OKAY?
OH, I'M SURE YOU WILL BE.
IT'S BUCK.

Announcer: AND NOW
"WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH
CHEVY CHASE.

"WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH
CHEVY CHASE.
OH, THAT'S A WIVES' TALE.

CHEVY CHASE.
OH, THAT'S A WIVES' TALE.
NAH!

OH, THAT'S A WIVES' TALE.
NAH!
I GOT TO GO, HONEY.

NAH!
I GOT TO GO, HONEY.
GOOD EVENING.

I GOT TO GO, HONEY.
GOOD EVENING.
I'M CHEVY CHASE, AND THAT'S THE

GOOD EVENING.
I'M CHEVY CHASE, AND THAT'S THE
NEWS.

I'M CHEVY CHASE, AND THAT'S THE
NEWS.
GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT

NEWS.
GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT
TOMORROW.

GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT
TOMORROW.
JUST KIDDING.

TOMORROW.
JUST KIDDING.
AND YOU'RE NOT.

JUST KIDDING.
AND YOU'RE NOT.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... FORD

AND YOU'RE NOT.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... FORD
CAMPAIGN DIRECTOR ROGERS MORTON,

OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... FORD
CAMPAIGN DIRECTOR ROGERS MORTON,
SHOWN HERE CELEBRATING THE

CAMPAIGN DIRECTOR ROGERS MORTON,
SHOWN HERE CELEBRATING THE
NEBRASKA PRIMARY RESULTS, HAS,

SHOWN HERE CELEBRATING THE
NEBRASKA PRIMARY RESULTS, HAS,
IN AN EFFORT TO REDUCE SPENDING,

NEBRASKA PRIMARY RESULTS, HAS,
IN AN EFFORT TO REDUCE SPENDING,
ORDERED A 25% STAFF CUT IN THE

IN AN EFFORT TO REDUCE SPENDING,
ORDERED A 25% STAFF CUT IN THE
FORD FOR PRESIDENT COMMITTEE.

ORDERED A 25% STAFF CUT IN THE
FORD FOR PRESIDENT COMMITTEE.
AMONG THE FIRST TO GO ARE FORD'S

FORD FOR PRESIDENT COMMITTEE.
AMONG THE FIRST TO GO ARE FORD'S
60-MAN TEAM OF WALKING

AMONG THE FIRST TO GO ARE FORD'S
60-MAN TEAM OF WALKING
INSTRUCTORS,

60-MAN TEAM OF WALKING
INSTRUCTORS,
5 ENGLISH-TO-ENGLISH

INSTRUCTORS,
5 ENGLISH-TO-ENGLISH
INTERPRETERS, AND A FLYING SQUAD

5 ENGLISH-TO-ENGLISH
INTERPRETERS, AND A FLYING SQUAD
OF HEAD-WOUND PARAMEDICS.

INTERPRETERS, AND A FLYING SQUAD
OF HEAD-WOUND PARAMEDICS.
CAMPAIGNING IN DETROIT,

OF HEAD-WOUND PARAMEDICS.
CAMPAIGNING IN DETROIT,
RONALD REAGAN SAID TO THE UNITED

CAMPAIGNING IN DETROIT,
RONALD REAGAN SAID TO THE UNITED
AUTO WORKERS OF AMERICA THAT NOT

RONALD REAGAN SAID TO THE UNITED
AUTO WORKERS OF AMERICA THAT NOT
ONLY WOULD HE NEVER GIVE BACK

AUTO WORKERS OF AMERICA THAT NOT
ONLY WOULD HE NEVER GIVE BACK
THE PANAMA CANAL BUT THAT HE

ONLY WOULD HE NEVER GIVE BACK
THE PANAMA CANAL BUT THAT HE
WOULD HAVE THE CANAL OPEN TO

THE PANAMA CANAL BUT THAT HE
WOULD HAVE THE CANAL OPEN TO
VEHICULAR TRAFFIC IF ELECTED.

WOULD HAVE THE CANAL OPEN TO
VEHICULAR TRAFFIC IF ELECTED.
LATER, HE ADMITTED THAT, IF

VEHICULAR TRAFFIC IF ELECTED.
LATER, HE ADMITTED THAT, IF
PRESSED, HE WOULD EXCHANGE THE

LATER, HE ADMITTED THAT, IF
PRESSED, HE WOULD EXCHANGE THE
CANAL FOR HIS OWN PERSONAL

PRESSED, HE WOULD EXCHANGE THE
CANAL FOR HIS OWN PERSONAL
ATOMIC WARHEAD.

CANAL FOR HIS OWN PERSONAL
ATOMIC WARHEAD.
AFTER WINNING THIS WEEK'S

ATOMIC WARHEAD.
AFTER WINNING THIS WEEK'S
PRIMARIES, JIMMY CARTER HAS

AFTER WINNING THIS WEEK'S
PRIMARIES, JIMMY CARTER HAS
AMASSED A TOTAL OF 624

PRIMARIES, JIMMY CARTER HAS
AMASSED A TOTAL OF 624
DELEGATES.

AMASSED A TOTAL OF 624
DELEGATES.
HE NOW HAS FIVE MORE DELEGATES

DELEGATES.
HE NOW HAS FIVE MORE DELEGATES
THAN HE HAS TEETH.

HE NOW HAS FIVE MORE DELEGATES
THAN HE HAS TEETH.
A SERIOUS NOTE... THE FEDERAL

THAN HE HAS TEETH.
A SERIOUS NOTE... THE FEDERAL
COMMUNICATIONS COMMISSION HAS

A SERIOUS NOTE... THE FEDERAL
COMMUNICATIONS COMMISSION HAS
ANNOUNCED THAT THE WORDS "BREAK"

COMMUNICATIONS COMMISSION HAS
ANNOUNCED THAT THE WORDS "BREAK"
AND "WIND" MAY NOT BE SPOKEN

ANNOUNCED THAT THE WORDS "BREAK"
AND "WIND" MAY NOT BE SPOKEN
OVER THE AIRWAVES, NO MATTER

AND "WIND" MAY NOT BE SPOKEN
OVER THE AIRWAVES, NO MATTER
WHAT THE CONTEXT.

OVER THE AIRWAVES, NO MATTER
WHAT THE CONTEXT.
THE NATIONAL BUREAU OF

WHAT THE CONTEXT.
THE NATIONAL BUREAU OF
STATISTICS THIS WEEK RELEASED

THE NATIONAL BUREAU OF
STATISTICS THIS WEEK RELEASED
THE FOLLOWING FIGURES FROM A

STATISTICS THIS WEEK RELEASED
THE FOLLOWING FIGURES FROM A
5-YEAR RESEARCH PROGRAM...

THE FOLLOWING FIGURES FROM A
5-YEAR RESEARCH PROGRAM...
62%, 5%, AND 37%.

5-YEAR RESEARCH PROGRAM...
62%, 5%, AND 37%.
WELL, STILL ANOTHER

62%, 5%, AND 37%.
WELL, STILL ANOTHER
HOWARD HUGHES'S WILL HAS TURNED

WELL, STILL ANOTHER
HOWARD HUGHES'S WILL HAS TURNED
UP THIS WEEK.

HOWARD HUGHES'S WILL HAS TURNED
UP THIS WEEK.
WITH THAT REPART...

UP THIS WEEK.
WITH THAT REPART...
KATAY TEKOP KITCHUN DULL.

WITH THAT REPART...
KATAY TEKOP KITCHUN DULL.
WITH THAT REPORT IS

KATAY TEKOP KITCHUN DULL.
WITH THAT REPORT IS
LARAINE NEWMAN.

WITH THAT REPORT IS
LARAINE NEWMAN.
LARAINE?

CHEVY, I'M HERE IN A FILLING

STATION IN THE MIDDLE OF A

NEVADA DESERT, TALKING WITH A

MAN WHO CLAIMS TO HAVE FOUND THE

GENUINE WILL OF HOWARD HUGHES, A

WILL WHICH NAMES HIM AS THE SOLE

RECIPIENT OF THE LATE

BILLIONAIRE'S FORTUNE,

MR. MAYNARD SPEES.

MR. SPEES, DID YOU EVER ACTUALLY
TALK TO MR. HUGHES OR SEE HIM?
YES.

TALK TO MR. HUGHES OR SEE HIM?
YES.
ONE TIME, I WAS HUNTING SNAKES

YES.
ONE TIME, I WAS HUNTING SNAKES
IN THE DESERT ONE AFTERNOON, AND

ONE TIME, I WAS HUNTING SNAKES
IN THE DESERT ONE AFTERNOON, AND
IN THE DISTANCE, I SAW A MAN

IN THE DESERT ONE AFTERNOON, AND
IN THE DISTANCE, I SAW A MAN
LYING FACEDOWN, YOU KNOW?

IN THE DISTANCE, I SAW A MAN
LYING FACEDOWN, YOU KNOW?
AND AS I GOT CLOSER, I NOTICED

LYING FACEDOWN, YOU KNOW?
AND AS I GOT CLOSER, I NOTICED
SOME NEEDLES STICKING IN THIS

AND AS I GOT CLOSER, I NOTICED
SOME NEEDLES STICKING IN THIS
MAN'S BUTTOCKS, YOU KNOW?

SOME NEEDLES STICKING IN THIS
MAN'S BUTTOCKS, YOU KNOW?
AND EVIDENTLY, HE'D FALLEN OFF

MAN'S BUTTOCKS, YOU KNOW?
AND EVIDENTLY, HE'D FALLEN OFF
OF A CLIFF DOWN ON A CACTUS OR

AND EVIDENTLY, HE'D FALLEN OFF
OF A CLIFF DOWN ON A CACTUS OR
SOMETHING.

OF A CLIFF DOWN ON A CACTUS OR
SOMETHING.
AND I TOOK THE NEEDLES OUT, AND

SOMETHING.
AND I TOOK THE NEEDLES OUT, AND
I LENT HIM A QUARTER.

AND I TOOK THE NEEDLES OUT, AND
I LENT HIM A QUARTER.
AND THIS MAN TOLD YOU THAT HE

I LENT HIM A QUARTER.
AND THIS MAN TOLD YOU THAT HE
WAS HOWARD HUGHES?

AND THIS MAN TOLD YOU THAT HE
WAS HOWARD HUGHES?
YES, BUT I DIDN'T BELIEVE IT,

WAS HOWARD HUGHES?
YES, BUT I DIDN'T BELIEVE IT,
YOU KNOW, UNTIL I READ IN THE

YES, BUT I DIDN'T BELIEVE IT,
YOU KNOW, UNTIL I READ IN THE
NEWSPAPERS WHERE THEY SAY THAT

YOU KNOW, UNTIL I READ IN THE
NEWSPAPERS WHERE THEY SAY THAT
IN AN AUTOPSY, THIS MAN HAD 37

NEWSPAPERS WHERE THEY SAY THAT
IN AN AUTOPSY, THIS MAN HAD 37
LITTLE SCARS ON HIS BUTTOCKS.

IN AN AUTOPSY, THIS MAN HAD 37
LITTLE SCARS ON HIS BUTTOCKS.
I SEE.

LITTLE SCARS ON HIS BUTTOCKS.
I SEE.
WELL, CAN YOU JUST SHOW US THIS

I SEE.
WELL, CAN YOU JUST SHOW US THIS
DOCUMENT WHICH YOU CLAIM TO BE

WELL, CAN YOU JUST SHOW US THIS
DOCUMENT WHICH YOU CLAIM TO BE
THE ORIGINAL WILL?

DOCUMENT WHICH YOU CLAIM TO BE
THE ORIGINAL WILL?
YES.

THE ORIGINAL WILL?
YES.
YOU SEE HERE WHERE IT SAYS, "I

YES.
YOU SEE HERE WHERE IT SAYS, "I
GIVE ALL MY FORTUNE TO

YOU SEE HERE WHERE IT SAYS, "I
GIVE ALL MY FORTUNE TO
MR. MAYNARD SPEES.

GIVE ALL MY FORTUNE TO
MR. MAYNARD SPEES.
THIS IS THE REAL WILL.

MR. MAYNARD SPEES.
THIS IS THE REAL WILL.
DO NOT PAY ATTENTION TO THE

THIS IS THE REAL WILL.
DO NOT PAY ATTENTION TO THE
OTHERS.

DO NOT PAY ATTENTION TO THE
OTHERS.
THEY ARE FAKE.

OTHERS.
THEY ARE FAKE.
SIGNED, HOWARD L. HUGHES"?

THEY ARE FAKE.
SIGNED, HOWARD L. HUGHES"?
MR. SPEES, WASN'T

SIGNED, HOWARD L. HUGHES"?
MR. SPEES, WASN'T
HOWARD HUGHES'S MIDDLE INITIAL

MR. SPEES, WASN'T
HOWARD HUGHES'S MIDDLE INITIAL
ACTUALLY "R," STANDING FOR

HOWARD HUGHES'S MIDDLE INITIAL
ACTUALLY "R," STANDING FOR
"ROBARD," NOT, IN FACT, "L,"

ACTUALLY "R," STANDING FOR
"ROBARD," NOT, IN FACT, "L,"
WHICH APPEARS ON YOUR OBVIOUSLY

"ROBARD," NOT, IN FACT, "L,"
WHICH APPEARS ON YOUR OBVIOUSLY
BOGUS PUBLICATION?

WHICH APPEARS ON YOUR OBVIOUSLY
BOGUS PUBLICATION?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

BOGUS PUBLICATION?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
I MEAN, LOOK, WASN'T

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
I MEAN, LOOK, WASN'T
HOWARD L. HUGHES THE GUY WHO

I MEAN, LOOK, WASN'T
HOWARD L. HUGHES THE GUY WHO
FOUNDED H.L. HUGHES PRODUCTS,

HOWARD L. HUGHES THE GUY WHO
FOUNDED H.L. HUGHES PRODUCTS,
H.L. HUGHES DRUGS?

FOUNDED H.L. HUGHES PRODUCTS,
H.L. HUGHES DRUGS?
WASN'T THAT...

H.L. HUGHES DRUGS?
WASN'T THAT...
THAT WAS H.L. HUNT.

WASN'T THAT...
THAT WAS H.L. HUNT.
NO, LOOK, I'M TALKING ABOUT A

THAT WAS H.L. HUNT.
NO, LOOK, I'M TALKING ABOUT A
RIGHT-WING TEXAS

NO, LOOK, I'M TALKING ABOUT A
RIGHT-WING TEXAS
MULTIBILLIONAIRE, LADY.

RIGHT-WING TEXAS
MULTIBILLIONAIRE, LADY.
THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING...

MULTIBILLIONAIRE, LADY.
THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING...
HUNT WAS A RIGHT-WING TEXAS

THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING...
HUNT WAS A RIGHT-WING TEXAS
MULTIMILLIONAIRE.

HUNT WAS A RIGHT-WING TEXAS
MULTIMILLIONAIRE.
OHH.

MULTIMILLIONAIRE.
OHH.
MR. SPEES, YOU'VE OBVIOUSLY

OHH.
MR. SPEES, YOU'VE OBVIOUSLY
LAID YOURSELF OPEN FOR CHARGES

MR. SPEES, YOU'VE OBVIOUSLY
LAID YOURSELF OPEN FOR CHARGES
OF FRAUD AND FORGERY.

LAID YOURSELF OPEN FOR CHARGES
OF FRAUD AND FORGERY.
OH! OH!

OF FRAUD AND FORGERY.
OH! OH!
HUGHES CHANGED HIS MIDDLE NAME

OH! OH!
HUGHES CHANGED HIS MIDDLE NAME
DURING SECLUSION.

HUGHES CHANGED HIS MIDDLE NAME
DURING SECLUSION.
I FORGOT TO TELL YOU THAT

DURING SECLUSION.
I FORGOT TO TELL YOU THAT
BECAUSE...

I FORGOT TO TELL YOU THAT
BECAUSE...
THAT'S RIDICULOUS, MR. SPEES.

BECAUSE...
THAT'S RIDICULOUS, MR. SPEES.
BACK TO YOU, CHEVY.

THAT'S RIDICULOUS, MR. SPEES.
BACK TO YOU, CHEVY.
LOOK, LADY, I'M JUST TRYING

BACK TO YOU, CHEVY.
LOOK, LADY, I'M JUST TRYING
TO MAKE SOME MONEY.

LOOK, LADY, I'M JUST TRYING
TO MAKE SOME MONEY.
LARAINE NEWMAN.

TO MAKE SOME MONEY.
LARAINE NEWMAN.
"WEEKEND UPDATE" HAS RECEIVED

LARAINE NEWMAN.
"WEEKEND UPDATE" HAS RECEIVED
NUMEROUS LETTERS ASKING WHY WE

"WEEKEND UPDATE" HAS RECEIVED
NUMEROUS LETTERS ASKING WHY WE
DON'T COVER THE... WHY WE DON'T

NUMEROUS LETTERS ASKING WHY WE
DON'T COVER THE... WHY WE DON'T
COVER THE WEATHER.

DON'T COVER THE... WHY WE DON'T
COVER THE WEATHER.
THE ANSWER IS SIMPLE.

COVER THE WEATHER.
THE ANSWER IS SIMPLE.
WE DON'T CARE.

THE ANSWER IS SIMPLE.
WE DON'T CARE.
BUT IN THE INTEREST OF

WE DON'T CARE.
BUT IN THE INTEREST OF
RESPONSIBLE REPORTING, HERE IS

BUT IN THE INTEREST OF
RESPONSIBLE REPORTING, HERE IS
TOMORROW'S WEATHER.

RAIN, GUSTY WINDS, AND POSSIBLE

FLOODING IN LOW-LYING AREAS HAVE

BEEN REPORTED FOR TOMORROW,

WHICH SHOULD MAKE FOR SOME GOOD

FISHING FOR YOU SPORTSMEN OUT

THERE WHO LOVE TO SEE AN ANIMAL

SUFFER AT THE END OF A HOOK FOR

NO REASON AT ALL.

OTHERWISE, VARIABLE CLOUDINESS

IS PREDICTED, AND, OF COURSE, A

SLIGHT CHANCE OF SHOWERS...

THUNDERSHOWERS, AS IT WERE...

WITH AN OCCASIONAL HAILSTORM AT

SOME NATIONAL PARKS AND

CAMPSITES, WHILE JUST OUTSIDE

THE CITY ALONG THE BEACHES, HOT,

STICKY, AND HUMID WEATHER WILL

PREVAIL.

DON'T LET THIS FOOL YOU PEOPLE

AT HIGHER ELEVATIONS, THOUGH,

WHERE THERE COULD BE NEAR-ZERO

TEMPERATURES.

ALL IN ALL, CLEARLY THE WEATHER

OUTLOOK FOR THE WEEKEND IS

UNCERTAIN.

FORMER VICE PRESIDENT
SPIRO AGNEW HAS BEEN ON A
TALK-SHOW CIRCUIT THIS WEEK,

SPIRO AGNEW HAS BEEN ON A
TALK-SHOW CIRCUIT THIS WEEK,
PROMOTING HIS FIRST NOVEL,

TALK-SHOW CIRCUIT THIS WEEK,
PROMOTING HIS FIRST NOVEL,
"THE CANFIELD DECISION."

PROMOTING HIS FIRST NOVEL,
"THE CANFIELD DECISION."
ON "THE DINAH SHORE SHOW," AGNEW

"THE CANFIELD DECISION."
ON "THE DINAH SHORE SHOW," AGNEW
SAID THAT THE MEDIA PANDERS TO

ON "THE DINAH SHORE SHOW," AGNEW
SAID THAT THE MEDIA PANDERS TO
THE PUBLIC'S BLOODTHIRSTY DESIRE

SAID THAT THE MEDIA PANDERS TO
THE PUBLIC'S BLOODTHIRSTY DESIRE
TO KNOW THE INTIMATE DETAILS OF

THE PUBLIC'S BLOODTHIRSTY DESIRE
TO KNOW THE INTIMATE DETAILS OF
POLITICIANS' PRIVATE LIVES.

TO KNOW THE INTIMATE DETAILS OF
POLITICIANS' PRIVATE LIVES.
AGNEW'S NOVEL IS ABOUT THE

POLITICIANS' PRIVATE LIVES.
AGNEW'S NOVEL IS ABOUT THE
INTIMATE DETAILS OF A VICE

AGNEW'S NOVEL IS ABOUT THE
INTIMATE DETAILS OF A VICE
PRESIDENT'S PRIVATE LIFE.

INTIMATE DETAILS OF A VICE
PRESIDENT'S PRIVATE LIFE.
STILL TO COME, G.O.P. BATTLE FOR

PRESIDENT'S PRIVATE LIFE.
STILL TO COME, G.O.P. BATTLE FOR
THE NOMINATION TIGHTER THAN EVER

STILL TO COME, G.O.P. BATTLE FOR
THE NOMINATION TIGHTER THAN EVER
AFTER THIS FILMED MESSAGE.

[GUNFIRE, EXPLOSIONS]

WHAT'S A FLORIDA SUNSHINE
GIRL LIKE ME DOING IN BEIRUT?
SPREADING THE GOOD WORD ABOUT

GIRL LIKE ME DOING IN BEIRUT?
SPREADING THE GOOD WORD ABOUT
ORANGE JUICE, THAT'S WHAT.

SPREADING THE GOOD WORD ABOUT
ORANGE JUICE, THAT'S WHAT.
HI. I'M ANITA BRYANT.

ORANGE JUICE, THAT'S WHAT.
HI. I'M ANITA BRYANT.
SURE, THERE'S WAR, STRIFE, AND

HI. I'M ANITA BRYANT.
SURE, THERE'S WAR, STRIFE, AND
BLOODSHED IN THE MIDDLE EAST.

SURE, THERE'S WAR, STRIFE, AND
BLOODSHED IN THE MIDDLE EAST.
INTERNAL CHAOS CAN BE A HASSLE,

BLOODSHED IN THE MIDDLE EAST.
INTERNAL CHAOS CAN BE A HASSLE,
BUT EVEN THIS WAR-TORN COUNTRY

INTERNAL CHAOS CAN BE A HASSLE,
BUT EVEN THIS WAR-TORN COUNTRY
ENJOYS FLORIDA SUNSHINE.

BUT EVEN THIS WAR-TORN COUNTRY
ENJOYS FLORIDA SUNSHINE.
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

ENJOYS FLORIDA SUNSHINE.
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
MMM, THAT'S GOOD.

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
MMM, THAT'S GOOD.
IT'S REFRESHING AND HAS VITAMIN

MMM, THAT'S GOOD.
IT'S REFRESHING AND HAS VITAMIN
"C," SO WHY NOT GET WITH IT?

IT'S REFRESHING AND HAS VITAMIN
"C," SO WHY NOT GET WITH IT?
PEOPLE ALL OVER THE WORLD ARE

"C," SO WHY NOT GET WITH IT?
PEOPLE ALL OVER THE WORLD ARE
ENJOYING THE NATURAL FRESHNESS

PEOPLE ALL OVER THE WORLD ARE
ENJOYING THE NATURAL FRESHNESS
OF ORANGE JUICE, SO...

ENJOYING THE NATURAL FRESHNESS
OF ORANGE JUICE, SO...
♪ COME TO THE FLORIDA SUNSHINE

OF ORANGE JUICE, SO...
♪ COME TO THE FLORIDA SUNSHINE
TREE ♪

♪ COME TO THE FLORIDA SUNSHINE
TREE ♪
♪ FILLED WITH VITAMINS

TREE ♪
♪ FILLED WITH VITAMINS
NATURALLY ♪

♪ FILLED WITH VITAMINS
NATURALLY ♪
[Foreign accent] AIM!

NATURALLY ♪
[Foreign accent] AIM!
FIRE!

[Foreign accent] AIM!
FIRE!
[GUNFIRE]

FIRE!
[GUNFIRE]
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

[GUNFIRE]
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[Foreign accent] WHAT DO WE DO

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[Foreign accent] WHAT DO WE DO
WITH THE BODY?

[Foreign accent] WHAT DO WE DO
WITH THE BODY?
BURY HER IN THE SPACE WE

WITH THE BODY?
BURY HER IN THE SPACE WE
RESERVE FOR CAMELLIA POPE.

HERE'S THE LATEST REPORT ON
THAT FIRE THAT'S BEEN RAGING OUT
OF CONTROL IN DOWNTOWN

THAT FIRE THAT'S BEEN RAGING OUT
OF CONTROL IN DOWNTOWN
LOUISIANA.

OF CONTROL IN DOWNTOWN
LOUISIANA.
EXCUSE ME.

PROFESSIONAL GOLFER MIKE REESER
WAS SUSPENDED BY THE PGA TODAY
FOR PUBLICLY RELIEVING HIMSELF

WAS SUSPENDED BY THE PGA TODAY
FOR PUBLICLY RELIEVING HIMSELF
ON THE 12th FAIRWAY IN THE FIRST

FOR PUBLICLY RELIEVING HIMSELF
ON THE 12th FAIRWAY IN THE FIRST
ROUND OF THE MISSISSIPPI OPEN.

ON THE 12th FAIRWAY IN THE FIRST
ROUND OF THE MISSISSIPPI OPEN.
WELL, THE MILLION-DOLLAR

ROUND OF THE MISSISSIPPI OPEN.
WELL, THE MILLION-DOLLAR
LEONARD BERNSTEIN/

WELL, THE MILLION-DOLLAR
LEONARD BERNSTEIN/
ALAN JAY LERNER MUSICAL,

LEONARD BERNSTEIN/
ALAN JAY LERNER MUSICAL,
"1600 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE,"

ALAN JAY LERNER MUSICAL,
"1600 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE,"
CLOSED LAST WEEK AFTER ONLY 8

"1600 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE,"
CLOSED LAST WEEK AFTER ONLY 8
PERFORMANCES.

CLOSED LAST WEEK AFTER ONLY 8
PERFORMANCES.
HERE IS AN EXCLUSIVE PICTURE OF

PERFORMANCES.
HERE IS AN EXCLUSIVE PICTURE OF
THE SHOW, TAKEN ON OPENING

HERE IS AN EXCLUSIVE PICTURE OF
THE SHOW, TAKEN ON OPENING
NIGHT.

THE SHOW, TAKEN ON OPENING
NIGHT.
CHARLIE CHAPLIN'S CLASSIC COMEDY

NIGHT.
CHARLIE CHAPLIN'S CLASSIC COMEDY
FILM "THE GREAT DICTATOR" WAS

CHARLIE CHAPLIN'S CLASSIC COMEDY
FILM "THE GREAT DICTATOR" WAS
FINALLY RELEASED IN SPAIN THIS

FILM "THE GREAT DICTATOR" WAS
FINALLY RELEASED IN SPAIN THIS
WEEK.

FINALLY RELEASED IN SPAIN THIS
WEEK.
THE FILM HAD BEEN BANNED DURING

WEEK.
THE FILM HAD BEEN BANNED DURING
THE 40-YEAR REIGN OF

THE FILM HAD BEEN BANNED DURING
THE 40-YEAR REIGN OF
GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO

THE 40-YEAR REIGN OF
GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO
BECAUSE IT MADE FUN OF FRANCO'S

GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO
BECAUSE IT MADE FUN OF FRANCO'S
FRIEND ADOLF HITLER.

BECAUSE IT MADE FUN OF FRANCO'S
FRIEND ADOLF HITLER.
HITLER COULD NOT BE REACHED FOR

FRIEND ADOLF HITLER.
HITLER COULD NOT BE REACHED FOR
COMMENT IN ARGENTINA, AND

HITLER COULD NOT BE REACHED FOR
COMMENT IN ARGENTINA, AND
SOURCES REPORT THAT FRANCO NOW

COMMENT IN ARGENTINA, AND
SOURCES REPORT THAT FRANCO NOW
ONLY WATCHES UNDERGROUND MOVIES.

SOURCES REPORT THAT FRANCO NOW
ONLY WATCHES UNDERGROUND MOVIES.
BECAUSE WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF

ONLY WATCHES UNDERGROUND MOVIES.
BECAUSE WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF
TIME, I'M GOING TO COMBINE THE

BECAUSE WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF
TIME, I'M GOING TO COMBINE THE
NEXT TWO STORIES.

TIME, I'M GOING TO COMBINE THE
NEXT TWO STORIES.
ELOCUTIONIST WON THE 101st

NEXT TWO STORIES.
ELOCUTIONIST WON THE 101st
RUNNING OF THE MISS USA PAGEANT

ELOCUTIONIST WON THE 101st
RUNNING OF THE MISS USA PAGEANT
TODAY BY OVER 2 LENGTHS.

RUNNING OF THE MISS USA PAGEANT
TODAY BY OVER 2 LENGTHS.
THE SHAPELY, FRECKLED-FACED,

TODAY BY OVER 2 LENGTHS.
THE SHAPELY, FRECKLED-FACED,
3-YEAR-OLD FILLY SAID THAT SHE

THE SHAPELY, FRECKLED-FACED,
3-YEAR-OLD FILLY SAID THAT SHE
WAS HONORED TO BE CHOSEN WINNER

3-YEAR-OLD FILLY SAID THAT SHE
WAS HONORED TO BE CHOSEN WINNER
AND WILL DONATE THE PRIZE MONEY

WAS HONORED TO BE CHOSEN WINNER
AND WILL DONATE THE PRIZE MONEY
TO THE FAMILY OF FOURTH

AND WILL DONATE THE PRIZE MONEY
TO THE FAMILY OF FOURTH
RUNNER-UP MISS TEXAS, WHO HAD TO

TO THE FAMILY OF FOURTH
RUNNER-UP MISS TEXAS, WHO HAD TO
BE DESTROYED AFTER BREAKING A

RUNNER-UP MISS TEXAS, WHO HAD TO
BE DESTROYED AFTER BREAKING A
LEG TAP-DANCING DURING THE

BE DESTROYED AFTER BREAKING A
LEG TAP-DANCING DURING THE
TALENT COMPETITION.

LEG TAP-DANCING DURING THE
TALENT COMPETITION.
MISS ELOCUTIONIST IS COMPLETING

TALENT COMPETITION.
MISS ELOCUTIONIST IS COMPLETING
HER STUDIES AT A JUNIOR COLLEGE,

MISS ELOCUTIONIST IS COMPLETING
HER STUDIES AT A JUNIOR COLLEGE,
AND JOCKEY ANGEL CORDERO SAID

HER STUDIES AT A JUNIOR COLLEGE,
AND JOCKEY ANGEL CORDERO SAID
THAT HE IS LOOKING FORWARD TO

AND JOCKEY ANGEL CORDERO SAID
THAT HE IS LOOKING FORWARD TO
RIDING AGAIN IN THE BELMONT

THAT HE IS LOOKING FORWARD TO
RIDING AGAIN IN THE BELMONT
PAGEANT NEXT MONTH.

RIDING AGAIN IN THE BELMONT
PAGEANT NEXT MONTH.
AND NOW FOR THOSE OF OUR VIEWERS

PAGEANT NEXT MONTH.
AND NOW FOR THOSE OF OUR VIEWERS
WHO MAY HAVE HAD SOME DIFFICULTY

AND NOW FOR THOSE OF OUR VIEWERS
WHO MAY HAVE HAD SOME DIFFICULTY
WITH THEIR HEARING, I WILL

WHO MAY HAVE HAD SOME DIFFICULTY
WITH THEIR HEARING, I WILL
REPEAT THE TOP STORY OF THE DAY,

WITH THEIR HEARING, I WILL
REPEAT THE TOP STORY OF THE DAY,
AIDED BY THE HEADMASTER OF

REPEAT THE TOP STORY OF THE DAY,
AIDED BY THE HEADMASTER OF
THE NEW YORK SCHOOL FOR THE

AIDED BY THE HEADMASTER OF
THE NEW YORK SCHOOL FOR THE
HARD OF HEARING, GARRETT MORRIS.

OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...

OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...

CLIFFORD IRVING...

CLIFFORD IRVING INHERITS

HOWARD HUGHES'S ESTATE!

GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A

PLEASANT TOMORROW.

GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A

PLEASANT TOMORROW!

DEARLY BELOVED, WE ARE
GATHERED HERE TODAY, THIS SOLEMN
HOUR, TO LAY TO REST THE MORTAL

GATHERED HERE TODAY, THIS SOLEMN
HOUR, TO LAY TO REST THE MORTAL
REMAINS OF A MAN WE HAD ALL COME

HOUR, TO LAY TO REST THE MORTAL
REMAINS OF A MAN WE HAD ALL COME
TO LOVE AND RESPECT,

REMAINS OF A MAN WE HAD ALL COME
TO LOVE AND RESPECT,
ROBERT E.P. THORPE...

TO LOVE AND RESPECT,
ROBERT E.P. THORPE...
[HICCUPS]

ROBERT E.P. THORPE...
[HICCUPS]
A MAN OF HUMILITY, OF

[HICCUPS]
A MAN OF HUMILITY, OF
COMPASSION, OF...

A MAN OF HUMILITY, OF
COMPASSION, OF...
[HICCUPS]

COMPASSION, OF...
[HICCUPS]
OF STRENGTH, OF COURAGE,

[HICCUPS]
OF STRENGTH, OF COURAGE,
ROBERT...

OF STRENGTH, OF COURAGE,
ROBERT...
[HICCUPS]

ROBERT...
[HICCUPS]
E.P. THORPE, A MAN WHOSE...

[HICCUPS]
E.P. THORPE, A MAN WHOSE...
[HICCUPS]

E.P. THORPE, A MAN WHOSE...
[HICCUPS]
WHOSE BELOVED WIFE, CHERISHED

[HICCUPS]
WHOSE BELOVED WIFE, CHERISHED
SISTER, AND BROTHER-IN-LAW...

WHOSE BELOVED WIFE, CHERISHED
SISTER, AND BROTHER-IN-LAW...
[HICCUPS]

SISTER, AND BROTHER-IN-LAW...
[HICCUPS]
EACH HAVE THEIR OWN VERY

[HICCUPS]
EACH HAVE THEIR OWN VERY
SPECIAL MEMORIES OF B... BOB...

EACH HAVE THEIR OWN VERY
SPECIAL MEMORIES OF B... BOB...
OR, AS SOME OF THEM KNEW HIM,

SPECIAL MEMORIES OF B... BOB...
OR, AS SOME OF THEM KNEW HIM,
ROB.

OR, AS SOME OF THEM KNEW HIM,
ROB.
Excuse me.

ROB.
Excuse me.
A glass of water might help you

Excuse me.
A glass of water might help you
in some way.

A glass of water might help you
in some way.
THANK YOU. OF COURSE.

In some way.
THANK YOU. OF COURSE.
JUST A SUGGESTION.

FOR HE WAS A MAN OF MANY
FACETS...
A GOOD HUSBAND, A GOOD FATHER...

FACETS...
A GOOD HUSBAND, A GOOD FATHER...
[HICCUPS]

A GOOD HUSBAND, A GOOD FATHER...
[HICCUPS]
A GOOD PROVIDER, AND A GOOD

[HICCUPS]
A GOOD PROVIDER, AND A GOOD
D-D-DENTIST.

A GOOD PROVIDER, AND A GOOD
D-D-DENTIST.
BUT HE ALSO MUCH MORE.

D-D-DENTIST.
BUT HE ALSO MUCH MORE.
[HICCUPS]

BUT HE ALSO MUCH MORE.
[HICCUPS]
[INHALES DEEPLY]

[HICCUPS]
[INHALES DEEPLY]
[Strained voice] A

[INHALES DEEPLY]
[Strained voice] A
RESPONSIBLE BUSINESSMAN, A

[Strained voice] A
RESPONSIBLE BUSINESSMAN, A
MEMBER OF THE LIONS CLUB, AN

RESPONSIBLE BUSINESSMAN, A
MEMBER OF THE LIONS CLUB, AN
OUTSTANDING CITIZEN OF THE

MEMBER OF THE LIONS CLUB, AN
OUTSTANDING CITIZEN OF THE
COMMUNITY, SOMEONE WHO GAVE MORE

OUTSTANDING CITIZEN OF THE
COMMUNITY, SOMEONE WHO GAVE MORE
THAN MERE LIP SERVICE...

COMMUNITY, SOMEONE WHO GAVE MORE
THAN MERE LIP SERVICE...
[EXHALES]

THAN MERE LIP SERVICE...
[EXHALES]
[Normal voice] ...TO THE

[EXHALES]
[Normal voice] ...TO THE
BIBLICAL INJUNCTION OF "LOVE THY

[Normal voice] ...TO THE
BIBLICAL INJUNCTION OF "LOVE THY
NEIGHBOR"...

BIBLICAL INJUNCTION OF "LOVE THY
NEIGHBOR"...
[HICCUPS]

NEIGHBOR"...
[HICCUPS]
WHO WILLINGLY GAVE SELFLESSLY

[HICCUPS]
WHO WILLINGLY GAVE SELFLESSLY
TO HIS CHURCH AND COMMUNITY.

WHO WILLINGLY GAVE SELFLESSLY
TO HIS CHURCH AND COMMUNITY.
I THINK I PERSONALLY REMEMBER

TO HIS CHURCH AND COMMUNITY.
I THINK I PERSONALLY REMEMBER
BOB BEST...

I THINK I PERSONALLY REMEMBER
BOB BEST...
[HICCUPS]

BOB BEST...
[HICCUPS]
AS AN ACTIVE MEMBER...

[HICCUPS]
AS AN ACTIVE MEMBER...
[HICCUPS]

AS AN ACTIVE MEMBER...
[HICCUPS]
OF THIS PARISH, WHO NEVER

[HICCUPS]
OF THIS PARISH, WHO NEVER
FORGOT THE YEARLY TITHE...

OF THIS PARISH, WHO NEVER
FORGOT THE YEARLY TITHE...
BOO!

FORGOT THE YEARLY TITHE...
BOO!
[HICCUPS]

BOO!
[HICCUPS]
AND LENT HIS FINE BASS VOICE

[HICCUPS]
AND LENT HIS FINE BASS VOICE
TO THE CHURCH CHOIR...

AND LENT HIS FINE BASS VOICE
TO THE CHURCH CHOIR...
[HICCUPS]

TO THE CHURCH CHOIR...
[HICCUPS]
ON MANY A SUNDAY...

[HICCUPS]
ON MANY A SUNDAY...
WITH, OF COURSE, AN EXCEPTION OF

ON MANY A SUNDAY...
WITH, OF COURSE, AN EXCEPTION OF
A FEW FINE JUNE DAYS WHEN OLD

WITH, OF COURSE, AN EXCEPTION OF
A FEW FINE JUNE DAYS WHEN OLD
NICK HIMSELF MUST HAVE...

A FEW FINE JUNE DAYS WHEN OLD
NICK HIMSELF MUST HAVE...
[HICCUPS]

NICK HIMSELF MUST HAVE...
[HICCUPS]
TEMPTED HIM OUT ON THE

[HICCUPS]
TEMPTED HIM OUT ON THE
FAIRWAY.

TEMPTED HIM OUT ON THE
FAIRWAY.
[LAUGHS, HICCUPS]

FAIRWAY.
[LAUGHS, HICCUPS]
BUT WHO AMONG US CAN FORGET

[LAUGHS, HICCUPS]
BUT WHO AMONG US CAN FORGET
BOB'S MANY OTHER VALUABLE

BUT WHO AMONG US CAN FORGET
BOB'S MANY OTHER VALUABLE
CONTRIBUTIONS TO COMMUNITY...

BOB'S MANY OTHER VALUABLE
CONTRIBUTIONS TO COMMUNITY...
[HICCUPS]

CONTRIBUTIONS TO COMMUNITY...
[HICCUPS]
TO COMMUNITY LIFE HERE IN

[HICCUPS]
TO COMMUNITY LIFE HERE IN
PLEASANTVILLE... HIS LONG YEA...

TO COMMUNITY LIFE HERE IN
PLEASANTVILLE... HIS LONG YEA...
HIS LONG YEARS...

PLEASANTVILLE... HIS LONG YEA...
HIS LONG YEARS...
HIS LONG YEARS...

HIS LONG YEARS...
HIS LONG YEARS...
HIS LONG YEARS OF SERVICE AS A

HIS LONG YEARS...
HIS LONG YEARS OF SERVICE AS A
VOLUNTEER FIREMAN, FOR EXAMPLE?

HIS LONG YEARS OF SERVICE AS A
VOLUNTEER FIREMAN, FOR EXAMPLE?
[HICCUPS]

VOLUNTEER FIREMAN, FOR EXAMPLE?
[HICCUPS]
BECAUSE BOB THORPE...

[HICCUPS]
BECAUSE BOB THORPE...
[HICCUPS]

BECAUSE BOB THORPE...
[HICCUPS]
BECAUSE BOB THORPE WAS...

[HICCUPS]
BECAUSE BOB THORPE WAS...
[HICCUPS]

BECAUSE BOB THORPE WAS...
[HICCUPS]
A MAN WHO GAVE NOT ONLY OF

[HICCUPS]
A MAN WHO GAVE NOT ONLY OF
HIMSELF BUT OF HIS...

A MAN WHO GAVE NOT ONLY OF
HIMSELF BUT OF HIS...
[HICCUPS]

HIMSELF BUT OF HIS...
[HICCUPS]
HIS TIME.

[HICCUPS]
HIS TIME.
AAAAH!

HIS TIME.
AAAAH!
HE WILL BE SORELY MISSED WHEN

AAAAH!
HE WILL BE SORELY MISSED WHEN
LITTLE LEAGUE SEASON STARTS IN

HE WILL BE SORELY MISSED WHEN
LITTLE LEAGUE SEASON STARTS IN
A COUPLE OF WEEKS.

LITTLE LEAGUE SEASON STARTS IN
A COUPLE OF WEEKS.
[HICCUPS]

A COUPLE OF WEEKS.
[HICCUPS]
BUT DON'T... DON'T ANY OF YOU

[HICCUPS]
BUT DON'T... DON'T ANY OF YOU
YOUNGSTERS GET THE IDEA THAT BOB

BUT DON'T... DON'T ANY OF YOU
YOUNGSTERS GET THE IDEA THAT BOB
ISN'T STILL ON OUR TEAM.

YOUNGSTERS GET THE IDEA THAT BOB
ISN'T STILL ON OUR TEAM.
[HICCUPS]

ISN'T STILL ON OUR TEAM.
[HICCUPS]
BECAUSE WHEN THIS SORROWFUL

[HICCUPS]
BECAUSE WHEN THIS SORROWFUL
MOMENT...

BECAUSE WHEN THIS SORROWFUL
MOMENT...
WHEN OUR HEARTS ARE FULL OF

MOMENT...
WHEN OUR HEARTS ARE FULL OF
GRIEF...

WHEN OUR HEARTS ARE FULL OF
GRIEF...
[Laughing]...AT THIS SAD

GRIEF...
[Laughing]...AT THIS SAD
BEREAVEMENT...

[Laughing]...AT THIS SAD
BEREAVEMENT...
[LAUGHS]

BEREAVEMENT...
[LAUGHS]
AT HIS MOURNFUL LOSS...

[LAUGHS]
AT HIS MOURNFUL LOSS...
[LAUGHS]

AT HIS MOURNFUL LOSS...
[LAUGHS]
BE COMFORTED.

[LAUGHS]
BE COMFORTED.
THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

BE COMFORTED.
THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
[Normal voice] BE COMFORTED...

THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
[Normal voice] BE COMFORTED...
[CHUCKLES]

[Normal voice] BE COMFORTED...
[CHUCKLES]
AND SOLACED IN SORROW BY THIS

[CHUCKLES]
AND SOLACED IN SORROW BY THIS
THOUGHT...

AND SOLACED IN SORROW BY THIS
THOUGHT...
[HICCUPS]

THOUGHT...
[HICCUPS]
THAT WHAT WE HAVE ONCE KNOWN

[HICCUPS]
THAT WHAT WE HAVE ONCE KNOWN
CAN NEVER TRULY BE TAKEN FROM

THAT WHAT WE HAVE ONCE KNOWN
CAN NEVER TRULY BE TAKEN FROM
US...

CAN NEVER TRULY BE TAKEN FROM
US...
[HICCUPS]

US...
[HICCUPS]
THAT EACH OF US HERE TODAY...

[HICCUPS]
THAT EACH OF US HERE TODAY...
THANK YOU.

[HICCUPS]
CAN BE A BETTER PERSON FOR THE
ENRICHING EXPERIENCE OF HAVING

CAN BE A BETTER PERSON FOR THE
ENRICHING EXPERIENCE OF HAVING
BO... BOB... BOB...

ENRICHING EXPERIENCE OF HAVING
BO... BOB... BOB...
BOB THORPE AS A FRIEND.

BO... BOB... BOB...
BOB THORPE AS A FRIEND.
YOUR LOVE, YOUR RESPECT IN

BOB THORPE AS A FRIEND.
YOUR LOVE, YOUR RESPECT IN
HOMAGE TO ROBERT E. THORPE, WILL

YOUR LOVE, YOUR RESPECT IN
HOMAGE TO ROBERT E. THORPE, WILL
WEAVE A BETTER TOMORROW.

HOMAGE TO ROBERT E. THORPE, WILL
WEAVE A BETTER TOMORROW.
[HICCUPS]

WEAVE A BETTER TOMORROW.
[HICCUPS]
AND EACH OF YOU STAND TO THIS

[HICCUPS]
AND EACH OF YOU STAND TO THIS
FINE MAN AS A LASTING MEMORIAL.

AND EACH OF YOU STAND TO THIS
FINE MAN AS A LASTING MEMORIAL.
[HICCUPS]

FINE MAN AS A LASTING MEMORIAL.
[HICCUPS]
PBHT!

[HICCUPS]
[HICCUPS]
[BURPS]

[HICCUPS]
[BURPS]
[HICCUPS]

AMEN.

OKAY, RESIDENT FILMMAKER...
HEY, DYAN.
WHO'S THAT?

HEY, DYAN.
WHO'S THAT?
EXCUSE ME, BABY, BUT, UH,

WHO'S THAT?
EXCUSE ME, BABY, BUT, UH,
DIDN'T YOU MENTION SOMETHING

EXCUSE ME, BABY, BUT, UH,
DIDN'T YOU MENTION SOMETHING
ABOUT A DREAM YOU HAD, YOU KNOW,

DIDN'T YOU MENTION SOMETHING
ABOUT A DREAM YOU HAD, YOU KNOW,
SOMETHING ABOUT A DREAM YOU HAD?

ABOUT A DREAM YOU HAD, YOU KNOW,
SOMETHING ABOUT A DREAM YOU HAD?
YES.

SOMETHING ABOUT A DREAM YOU HAD?
YES.
YEAH, ABOUT, LIKE, THIS GUY

YES.
YEAH, ABOUT, LIKE, THIS GUY
COMES AND HE HAS, UH...

YEAH, ABOUT, LIKE, THIS GUY
COMES AND HE HAS, UH...
[LAUGHS] HEY, WAIT A

COMES AND HE HAS, UH...
[LAUGHS] HEY, WAIT A
MINUTE.

[LAUGHS] HEY, WAIT A
MINUTE.
[LAUGHING]

MINUTE.
[LAUGHING]
THAT WAS "HORSE."

[LAUGHING]
THAT WAS "HORSE."
RIGHT OFF 42nd STREET.

THAT WAS "HORSE."
RIGHT OFF 42nd STREET.
[LAUGHING]

RIGHT OFF 42nd STREET.
[LAUGHING]
OOH!

[LAUGHING]
OOH!
YES!

OOH!
YES!
GARRETT, GARRETT, I MEANT THE

YES!
GARRETT, GARRETT, I MEANT THE
ANIMAL HORSE. HORSE.

GARRETT, GARRETT, I MEANT THE
ANIMAL HORSE. HORSE.
[WHINNIES]

ANIMAL HORSE. HORSE.
[WHINNIES]
YOU KNOW, HORSE?

[WHINNIES]
YOU KNOW, HORSE?
OH.

YOU KNOW, HORSE?
OH.
HORSE!

OH.
HORSE!
OH, BUT THANKS FOR TRYING.

HORSE!
OH, BUT THANKS FOR TRYING.
LISTEN, I HOPE YOU GUYS DIDN'T

OH, BUT THANKS FOR TRYING.
LISTEN, I HOPE YOU GUYS DIDN'T
GO... YOU LOOK AWFULLY CUTE.

LISTEN, I HOPE YOU GUYS DIDN'T
GO... YOU LOOK AWFULLY CUTE.
BUT I HOPE YOU DIDN'T GO TO TOO

GO... YOU LOOK AWFULLY CUTE.
BUT I HOPE YOU DIDN'T GO TO TOO
MUCH TROUBLE.

BUT I HOPE YOU DIDN'T GO TO TOO
MUCH TROUBLE.
NO, NO, NO.

MUCH TROUBLE.
NO, NO, NO.
IT WAS 20, 25 BUCKS.

NO, NO, NO.
IT WAS 20, 25 BUCKS.
WAIT A MINUTE, YOU PROMISED

IT WAS 20, 25 BUCKS.
WAIT A MINUTE, YOU PROMISED
US $50 FOR THIS JOB.

WAIT A MINUTE, YOU PROMISED
US $50 FOR THIS JOB.
HEY, THANKS ANYHOW.

US $50 FOR THIS JOB.
HEY, THANKS ANYHOW.
AND NOW A FILM BY GARY WEIS.

WE CAME TO NIAGARA FALLS
BECAUSE IT'S CLOSE BY TO
CINCINNATI, AND IT'S A REALLY

BECAUSE IT'S CLOSE BY TO
CINCINNATI, AND IT'S A REALLY
NICE PLACE, BEAUTIFUL AND

CINCINNATI, AND IT'S A REALLY
NICE PLACE, BEAUTIFUL AND
EVERYTHING.

NICE PLACE, BEAUTIFUL AND
EVERYTHING.
AND, UH, COOKIE'S PARENTS CAME

EVERYTHING.
AND, UH, COOKIE'S PARENTS CAME
HERE ON THEIR HONEYMOON.

AND, UH, COOKIE'S PARENTS CAME
HERE ON THEIR HONEYMOON.
WELL, ACTUALLY, THE PRIVATE

HERE ON THEIR HONEYMOON.
WELL, ACTUALLY, THE PRIVATE
INVESTIGATOR OF TODAY AND THE

WELL, ACTUALLY, THE PRIVATE
INVESTIGATOR OF TODAY AND THE
REAL-LIFE PRIVATE EYE VERSUS THE

INVESTIGATOR OF TODAY AND THE
REAL-LIFE PRIVATE EYE VERSUS THE
TELEVISION AND MOVIE PRIVATE EYE

REAL-LIFE PRIVATE EYE VERSUS THE
TELEVISION AND MOVIE PRIVATE EYE
IS A BUSINESSMAN.

TELEVISION AND MOVIE PRIVATE EYE
IS A BUSINESSMAN.
YEAH, I REMEMBER A LOT OF THE

IS A BUSINESSMAN.
YEAH, I REMEMBER A LOT OF THE
CEREMONY.

YEAH, I REMEMBER A LOT OF THE
CEREMONY.
I CAN REMEMBER, YOU KNOW, ALL OF

CEREMONY.
I CAN REMEMBER, YOU KNOW, ALL OF
IT PRETTY MUCH, LIKE, "TO HAVE

I CAN REMEMBER, YOU KNOW, ALL OF
IT PRETTY MUCH, LIKE, "TO HAVE
AND TO HOLD" AND THE "EYES OF

IT PRETTY MUCH, LIKE, "TO HAVE
AND TO HOLD" AND THE "EYES OF
GOD" AND "THE LAW."

AND TO HOLD" AND THE "EYES OF
GOD" AND "THE LAW."
I DON'T THINK I COULD

GOD" AND "THE LAW."
I DON'T THINK I COULD
RECONSTRUCT THE WHOLE CEREMONY,

I DON'T THINK I COULD
RECONSTRUCT THE WHOLE CEREMONY,
BUT I REMEMBER BITS AND PIECES.

RECONSTRUCT THE WHOLE CEREMONY,
BUT I REMEMBER BITS AND PIECES.
WE HAD ONE WE CALLED A

BUT I REMEMBER BITS AND PIECES.
WE HAD ONE WE CALLED A
SNIFFER, WHERE WE FOLLOWED A

WE HAD ONE WE CALLED A
SNIFFER, WHERE WE FOLLOWED A
WIFE OF OUR CLIENT.

SNIFFER, WHERE WE FOLLOWED A
WIFE OF OUR CLIENT.
SHE MET HER BOYFRIEND.

WIFE OF OUR CLIENT.
SHE MET HER BOYFRIEND.
THEY WENT TO A HOTEL.

SHE MET HER BOYFRIEND.
THEY WENT TO A HOTEL.
BUT THEY WERE WARNED BY THEIR

THEY WENT TO A HOTEL.
BUT THEY WERE WARNED BY THEIR
ATTORNEY, 'CAUSE THEY WERE IN

BUT THEY WERE WARNED BY THEIR
ATTORNEY, 'CAUSE THEY WERE IN
LITIGATION AT THE TIME, TO BE

ATTORNEY, 'CAUSE THEY WERE IN
LITIGATION AT THE TIME, TO BE
VERY CAREFUL AS FAR AS THEIR

LITIGATION AT THE TIME, TO BE
VERY CAREFUL AS FAR AS THEIR
OUTSIDE INTERESTS.

VERY CAREFUL AS FAR AS THEIR
OUTSIDE INTERESTS.
SO THEY WENT UP THE ELEVATOR ONE

OUTSIDE INTERESTS.
SO THEY WENT UP THE ELEVATOR ONE
AT A TIME AND, SUBSEQUENTLY, OUR

SO THEY WENT UP THE ELEVATOR ONE
AT A TIME AND, SUBSEQUENTLY, OUR
AGENTS COULD NOT FOLLOW THEM UP.

AT A TIME AND, SUBSEQUENTLY, OUR
AGENTS COULD NOT FOLLOW THEM UP.
AND WE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT ROOM

AGENTS COULD NOT FOLLOW THEM UP.
AND WE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT ROOM
THEY WERE IN.

AND WE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT ROOM
THEY WERE IN.
WE CALLED OUR CLIENT, HER

THEY WERE IN.
WE CALLED OUR CLIENT, HER
HUSBAND, AND HE STATED, "I'LL

WE CALLED OUR CLIENT, HER
HUSBAND, AND HE STATED, "I'LL
FIND WHAT ROOM SHE'S IN."

HUSBAND, AND HE STATED, "I'LL
FIND WHAT ROOM SHE'S IN."
AND HE PROCEEDED TO SNIFF AT

FIND WHAT ROOM SHE'S IN."
AND HE PROCEEDED TO SNIFF AT
EACH DOOR.

AND HE PROCEEDED TO SNIFF AT
EACH DOOR.
YES, I'D LIKE TO KNOW IF MY

EACH DOOR.
YES, I'D LIKE TO KNOW IF MY
WIFE WAS RUNNING AROUND ON ME.

YES, I'D LIKE TO KNOW IF MY
WIFE WAS RUNNING AROUND ON ME.
I DON'T KNOW HOW I'D REACT TO

WIFE WAS RUNNING AROUND ON ME.
I DON'T KNOW HOW I'D REACT TO
IT, BUT I THINK I'D LIKE TO

I DON'T KNOW HOW I'D REACT TO
IT, BUT I THINK I'D LIKE TO
KNOW.

IT, BUT I THINK I'D LIKE TO
KNOW.
I THINK IT'S SOMETHING THAT

KNOW.
I THINK IT'S SOMETHING THAT
YOU WOULD SORT OF KNOW ANYWAY IF

I THINK IT'S SOMETHING THAT
YOU WOULD SORT OF KNOW ANYWAY IF
THEY WERE RUNNING AROUND ON YOU.

YOU WOULD SORT OF KNOW ANYWAY IF
THEY WERE RUNNING AROUND ON YOU.
I'D LIKE HIM TO TELL ME IF HE

THEY WERE RUNNING AROUND ON YOU.
I'D LIKE HIM TO TELL ME IF HE
WAS, BUT IF HE DIDN'T TELL ME,

I'D LIKE HIM TO TELL ME IF HE
WAS, BUT IF HE DIDN'T TELL ME,
I'D WANT TO HEAR IT FROM

WAS, BUT IF HE DIDN'T TELL ME,
I'D WANT TO HEAR IT FROM
SOMEBODY ELSE.

I'D WANT TO HEAR IT FROM
SOMEBODY ELSE.
I'D WANT TO KNOW.

SOMEBODY ELSE.
I'D WANT TO KNOW.
AND WE FOLLOWED HER HUSBAND,

I'D WANT TO KNOW.
AND WE FOLLOWED HER HUSBAND,
WHO WAS QUITE ELDERLY.

AND WE FOLLOWED HER HUSBAND,
WHO WAS QUITE ELDERLY.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, HE WAS IN

WHO WAS QUITE ELDERLY.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, HE WAS IN
HIS LATE 60s.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, HE WAS IN
HIS LATE 60s.
AND HE MET UP WITH A YOUNG GIRL,

HIS LATE 60s.
AND HE MET UP WITH A YOUNG GIRL,
AND THEY PROCEEDED DIRECTLY TO A

AND HE MET UP WITH A YOUNG GIRL,
AND THEY PROCEEDED DIRECTLY TO A
MOTEL AS IF IT WAS ROUTINE.

AND THEY PROCEEDED DIRECTLY TO A
MOTEL AS IF IT WAS ROUTINE.
WE CALLED OUR CLIENT, AND WE

MOTEL AS IF IT WAS ROUTINE.
WE CALLED OUR CLIENT, AND WE
ASKED HER AT THAT POINT IF SHE

WE CALLED OUR CLIENT, AND WE
ASKED HER AT THAT POINT IF SHE
HAD WANTED TO CONFRONT THEM, AND

ASKED HER AT THAT POINT IF SHE
HAD WANTED TO CONFRONT THEM, AND
SHE... IN VERY BROKEN ENGLISH,

HAD WANTED TO CONFRONT THEM, AND
SHE... IN VERY BROKEN ENGLISH,
SHE SAID, "NO, NOT REALLY."

SHE... IN VERY BROKEN ENGLISH,
SHE SAID, "NO, NOT REALLY."
HOWEVER, WHAT SHE DID WAS SHE

SHE SAID, "NO, NOT REALLY."
HOWEVER, WHAT SHE DID WAS SHE
SAT WITH US FOR A WHILE, AND

HOWEVER, WHAT SHE DID WAS SHE
SAT WITH US FOR A WHILE, AND
THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, SHE JUST

SAT WITH US FOR A WHILE, AND
THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, SHE JUST
GOT OUT OF OUR CAR, WALKED INTO

THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, SHE JUST
GOT OUT OF OUR CAR, WALKED INTO
THE MIDDLE OF THE PARKING LOT OF

GOT OUT OF OUR CAR, WALKED INTO
THE MIDDLE OF THE PARKING LOT OF
THE MOTEL THAT WE WERE IN,

THE MIDDLE OF THE PARKING LOT OF
THE MOTEL THAT WE WERE IN,
STARTED LOOKING UP AT ALL

THE MOTEL THAT WE WERE IN,
STARTED LOOKING UP AT ALL
THE DOORS, AND YELLING OUT,

STARTED LOOKING UP AT ALL
THE DOORS, AND YELLING OUT,
"ANTONIO, ANTONIO, SUCH A BAD

THE DOORS, AND YELLING OUT,
"ANTONIO, ANTONIO, SUCH A BAD
THING YOU DO!"

"ANTONIO, ANTONIO, SUCH A BAD
THING YOU DO!"
AFTER YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED

THING YOU DO!"
AFTER YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED
AWHILE, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE SO USED

AFTER YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED
AWHILE, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE SO USED
TO SEEING EACH OTHER.

AWHILE, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE SO USED
TO SEEING EACH OTHER.
I THINK THE THING TO DO IS TO

TO SEEING EACH OTHER.
I THINK THE THING TO DO IS TO
KEEP THE MARRIAGE ALIVE...

I THINK THE THING TO DO IS TO
KEEP THE MARRIAGE ALIVE...
YOU KNOW, DO DIFFERENT THINGS,

KEEP THE MARRIAGE ALIVE...
YOU KNOW, DO DIFFERENT THINGS,
MEET PEOPLE, GET TOGETHER WITH

YOU KNOW, DO DIFFERENT THINGS,
MEET PEOPLE, GET TOGETHER WITH
FRIENDS SO YOU JUST DON'T SIT

MEET PEOPLE, GET TOGETHER WITH
FRIENDS SO YOU JUST DON'T SIT
AROUND IN A CORNER AND LOOK AT

FRIENDS SO YOU JUST DON'T SIT
AROUND IN A CORNER AND LOOK AT
EACH OTHER FOR THE REST OF YOUR

AROUND IN A CORNER AND LOOK AT
EACH OTHER FOR THE REST OF YOUR
LIVES.

EACH OTHER FOR THE REST OF YOUR
LIVES.
I INSTRUCT ALL MY AGENTS TO

LIVES.
I INSTRUCT ALL MY AGENTS TO
CARRY A BUNDLE OF DRY CLEANING.

I INSTRUCT ALL MY AGENTS TO
CARRY A BUNDLE OF DRY CLEANING.
WE PLAN ON LIVING IN

CARRY A BUNDLE OF DRY CLEANING.
WE PLAN ON LIVING IN
CINCINNATI IN A HOUSE.

WE PLAN ON LIVING IN
CINCINNATI IN A HOUSE.
WE LIVE ON THE EAST SIDE OF THE

CINCINNATI IN A HOUSE.
WE LIVE ON THE EAST SIDE OF THE
TOWN.

WE LIVE ON THE EAST SIDE OF THE
TOWN.
WE HAVE QUITE A MENAGERIE.

TOWN.
WE HAVE QUITE A MENAGERIE.
WE HAVE A DOBERMAN PINSCHER AND

WE HAVE QUITE A MENAGERIE.
WE HAVE A DOBERMAN PINSCHER AND
FOUR CATS... FIVE CATS RIGHT

WE HAVE A DOBERMAN PINSCHER AND
FOUR CATS... FIVE CATS RIGHT
NOW.

FOUR CATS... FIVE CATS RIGHT
NOW.
SIX CATS.

NOW.
SIX CATS.
SIX CATS?

SIX CATS.
SIX CATS?
MOTHER HAD KITTENS.

SIX CATS?
MOTHER HAD KITTENS.
MOTHER HAD KITTENS.

MOTHER HAD KITTENS.
MOTHER HAD KITTENS.
WE HAVE MEN AND WOMEN WORKING

MOTHER HAD KITTENS.
WE HAVE MEN AND WOMEN WORKING
FOR US, DIFFERENT AGENTS, BUT

WE HAVE MEN AND WOMEN WORKING
FOR US, DIFFERENT AGENTS, BUT
OUR BEST AGENT IS RIGHT HERE.

FOR US, DIFFERENT AGENTS, BUT
OUR BEST AGENT IS RIGHT HERE.
THIS IS OUR MASCOT CALLED

OUR BEST AGENT IS RIGHT HERE.
THIS IS OUR MASCOT CALLED
"RIGGA."

THIS IS OUR MASCOT CALLED
"RIGGA."
HE'S A STUFFED DOG.

"RIGGA."
HE'S A STUFFED DOG.
DOBERMAN PINSCHER AND FOUR

HE'S A STUFFED DOG.
DOBERMAN PINSCHER AND FOUR
CATS... FIVE CATS.

DOBERMAN PINSCHER AND FOUR
CATS... FIVE CATS.
SIX CATS.

CATS... FIVE CATS.
SIX CATS.
SIX CATS?

SIX CATS.
SIX CATS?
SIX CATS.

SIX CATS?
SIX CATS.
ONE DOG AND FOUR CATS.

SIX CATS.
ONE DOG AND FOUR CATS.
I GUESS THERE ARE HAPPY

ONE DOG AND FOUR CATS.
I GUESS THERE ARE HAPPY
MARRIAGES.

I GUESS THERE ARE HAPPY
MARRIAGES.
FIVE CATS.

MARRIAGES.
FIVE CATS.
SIX CATS.

FIVE CATS.
SIX CATS.
DOBERMAN PINSCHER AND FIVE

SIX CATS.
DOBERMAN PINSCHER AND FIVE
CATS.

DOBERMAN PINSCHER AND FIVE
CATS.
SIX CATS.

OH, HI.
I'M CINDY CLEAVAGE, AND RIGHT
NOW I'M TAKING TIME OUT FROM MY

I'M CINDY CLEAVAGE, AND RIGHT
NOW I'M TAKING TIME OUT FROM MY
BUSY STAGE, SCREEN, AND

NOW I'M TAKING TIME OUT FROM MY
BUSY STAGE, SCREEN, AND
TELEVISION SCHEDULE TO

BUSY STAGE, SCREEN, AND
TELEVISION SCHEDULE TO
LUXURATE... LUXURIATE IN A NICE,

TELEVISION SCHEDULE TO
LUXURATE... LUXURIATE IN A NICE,
HOT BATH.

LUXURATE... LUXURIATE IN A NICE,
HOT BATH.
OH, IT'S SO SOOTHING, AND MY

HOT BATH.
OH, IT'S SO SOOTHING, AND MY
CARES JUST MELT AWAY.

OH, IT'S SO SOOTHING, AND MY
CARES JUST MELT AWAY.
AND, BEST OF ALL, THIS BATH

CARES JUST MELT AWAY.
AND, BEST OF ALL, THIS BATH
WON'T GO DOWN THE DRAIN.

AND, BEST OF ALL, THIS BATH
WON'T GO DOWN THE DRAIN.
OH, NO.

WON'T GO DOWN THE DRAIN.
OH, NO.
THIS BATHWATER WILL BE SOLD BY

OH, NO.
THIS BATHWATER WILL BE SOLD BY
ROY WADDMAKER'S BATHTUB OF THE

THIS BATHWATER WILL BE SOLD BY
ROY WADDMAKER'S BATHTUB OF THE
STARS!

ROY WADDMAKER'S BATHTUB OF THE
STARS!
THAT'S RIGHT, CINDY!

STARS!
THAT'S RIGHT, CINDY!
ISN'T THAT RIGHT, ROY?

THAT'S RIGHT, CINDY!
ISN'T THAT RIGHT, ROY?
AND IT WILL BE JOINED BY A

ISN'T THAT RIGHT, ROY?
AND IT WILL BE JOINED BY A
PANTHEON OF CELEBRITY BATHWATER,

AND IT WILL BE JOINED BY A
PANTHEON OF CELEBRITY BATHWATER,
ALL ON SALE SIX DAYS A WEEK IN

PANTHEON OF CELEBRITY BATHWATER,
ALL ON SALE SIX DAYS A WEEK IN
MY AIR-CONDITIONED STORE AT THE

ALL ON SALE SIX DAYS A WEEK IN
MY AIR-CONDITIONED STORE AT THE
CORNER OF OLYMPIC BOULEVARD AND

MY AIR-CONDITIONED STORE AT THE
CORNER OF OLYMPIC BOULEVARD AND
SWALL DRIVE IN THE HEART OF

CORNER OF OLYMPIC BOULEVARD AND
SWALL DRIVE IN THE HEART OF
BEVERLY HILLS.

SWALL DRIVE IN THE HEART OF
BEVERLY HILLS.
JUST LOOK AT THAT SELECTION.

BEVERLY HILLS.
JUST LOOK AT THAT SELECTION.
THOUSANDS TO CHOOSE FROM...

JUST LOOK AT THAT SELECTION.
THOUSANDS TO CHOOSE FROM...
ENOUGH BATHWATER TO SINK A

THOUSANDS TO CHOOSE FROM...
ENOUGH BATHWATER TO SINK A
BATTLESHIP IN AND EVERY DROP OF

ENOUGH BATHWATER TO SINK A
BATTLESHIP IN AND EVERY DROP OF
IT PERSONALLY APPROVED BY A

BATTLESHIP IN AND EVERY DROP OF
IT PERSONALLY APPROVED BY A
NOTARY PUBLIC.

IT PERSONALLY APPROVED BY A
NOTARY PUBLIC.
FOR PENNIES A DAY, YOU COULD

NOTARY PUBLIC.
FOR PENNIES A DAY, YOU COULD
BE MAKING HERB TEA WITH THIS

FOR PENNIES A DAY, YOU COULD
BE MAKING HERB TEA WITH THIS
BONDED QUART OF DOUG McCLURE,

BE MAKING HERB TEA WITH THIS
BONDED QUART OF DOUG McCLURE,
FILLING YOUR STEAM IRON WITH

BONDED QUART OF DOUG McCLURE,
FILLING YOUR STEAM IRON WITH
THIS JAR OF CICELY TYSON, OR

FILLING YOUR STEAM IRON WITH
THIS JAR OF CICELY TYSON, OR
RAISING TROPICAL FISH IN THIS

THIS JAR OF CICELY TYSON, OR
RAISING TROPICAL FISH IN THIS
GALLON OF DAN DURYEA.

RAISING TROPICAL FISH IN THIS
GALLON OF DAN DURYEA.
OR WATERING YOUR LAWN WITH

GALLON OF DAN DURYEA.
OR WATERING YOUR LAWN WITH
ROMY SCHNEIDER, MAKING ICE CUBES

OR WATERING YOUR LAWN WITH
ROMY SCHNEIDER, MAKING ICE CUBES
FROM JAY NORTH, FILLING YOUR

ROMY SCHNEIDER, MAKING ICE CUBES
FROM JAY NORTH, FILLING YOUR
RADIATOR WITH HOWARD KEEL,

FROM JAY NORTH, FILLING YOUR
RADIATOR WITH HOWARD KEEL,
SOAKING YOUR DELICATE

RADIATOR WITH HOWARD KEEL,
SOAKING YOUR DELICATE
UNDERTHINGS IN RICHARD CRENNA,

SOAKING YOUR DELICATE
UNDERTHINGS IN RICHARD CRENNA,
OR GARGLING WITH TATUM O'NEAL.

UNDERTHINGS IN RICHARD CRENNA,
OR GARGLING WITH TATUM O'NEAL.
AND, GALS, HOW'D YOU LIKE TO

OR GARGLING WITH TATUM O'NEAL.
AND, GALS, HOW'D YOU LIKE TO
WASH THAT MAN RIGHT INTO YOUR

AND, GALS, HOW'D YOU LIKE TO
WASH THAT MAN RIGHT INTO YOUR
HAIR WITH THIS GENEROUS JUG OF

WASH THAT MAN RIGHT INTO YOUR
HAIR WITH THIS GENEROUS JUG OF
WARREN OATES?

HAIR WITH THIS GENEROUS JUG OF
WARREN OATES?
AND CAN YOU IMAGINE... CAN

WARREN OATES?
AND CAN YOU IMAGINE... CAN
YOU IMAGINE CHUGGING A CHILLED

AND CAN YOU IMAGINE... CAN
YOU IMAGINE CHUGGING A CHILLED
STEIN OF SHELLEY WINTERS'

YOU IMAGINE CHUGGING A CHILLED
STEIN OF SHELLEY WINTERS'
BATHWATER?

STEIN OF SHELLEY WINTERS'
BATHWATER?
WHAT A THRILL!

BATHWATER?
WHAT A THRILL!
WE HAVE 2-FOR-THE-PRICE-OF-1

WHAT A THRILL!
WE HAVE 2-FOR-THE-PRICE-OF-1
COMBINATIONS.

WE HAVE 2-FOR-THE-PRICE-OF-1
COMBINATIONS.
WE HAVE CHER WITH SONNY, CHER

COMBINATIONS.
WE HAVE CHER WITH SONNY, CHER
WITH CHASTITY, CHER WITH GREGG,

WE HAVE CHER WITH SONNY, CHER
WITH CHASTITY, CHER WITH GREGG,
CHER WITH DAVID, AND CHER WITH

WITH CHASTITY, CHER WITH GREGG,
CHER WITH DAVID, AND CHER WITH
GOD KNOWS WHO.

CHER WITH DAVID, AND CHER WITH
GOD KNOWS WHO.
WE EVEN HAVE CHER WITH WILLARD.

GOD KNOWS WHO.
WE EVEN HAVE CHER WITH WILLARD.
AH, JUST KIDDING, FOLKS.

WE EVEN HAVE CHER WITH WILLARD.
AH, JUST KIDDING, FOLKS.
WHOOPS!

AH, JUST KIDDING, FOLKS.
WHOOPS!
RAT WENT IN THE BATH.

WHOOPS!
RAT WENT IN THE BATH.
[SCREAMS]

RAT WENT IN THE BATH.
[SCREAMS]
[LAUGHING]

[SCREAMS]
[LAUGHING]
OH, BUT DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING

[LAUGHING]
OH, BUT DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING
FOR THE MAN ON MY GIFT LIST,

OH, BUT DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING
FOR THE MAN ON MY GIFT LIST,
ROY?

FOR THE MAN ON MY GIFT LIST,
ROY?
NO GUY COULD RESIST THIS

ROY?
NO GUY COULD RESIST THIS
IMPORTED FLAGON OF

NO GUY COULD RESIST THIS
IMPORTED FLAGON OF
FERNANDO LAMAS... PERFECT FOR

IMPORTED FLAGON OF
FERNANDO LAMAS... PERFECT FOR
ANY OCCASION.

FERNANDO LAMAS... PERFECT FOR
ANY OCCASION.
AND WHAT WOMAN WOULDN'T BE

ANY OCCASION.
AND WHAT WOMAN WOULDN'T BE
DELIGHTED TO RECEIVE THIS

AND WHAT WOMAN WOULDN'T BE
DELIGHTED TO RECEIVE THIS
SEVEN-STAR GIFT SET WITH

DELIGHTED TO RECEIVE THIS
SEVEN-STAR GIFT SET WITH
CONVENIENT PURSE-SIZED BOTTLES

SEVEN-STAR GIFT SET WITH
CONVENIENT PURSE-SIZED BOTTLES
OF DALE ROBERTSON,

CONVENIENT PURSE-SIZED BOTTLES
OF DALE ROBERTSON,
KITTY CARLISLE, JIM BACKUS,

OF DALE ROBERTSON,
KITTY CARLISLE, JIM BACKUS,
MAX VON SYDOW, NIPSEY RUSSELL,

KITTY CARLISLE, JIM BACKUS,
MAX VON SYDOW, NIPSEY RUSSELL,
NANCY KWAN, AND CELESTE HOLM?

MAX VON SYDOW, NIPSEY RUSSELL,
NANCY KWAN, AND CELESTE HOLM?
MIX AND MATCH.

NANCY KWAN, AND CELESTE HOLM?
MIX AND MATCH.
IT'S YOUR LIFE.

MIX AND MATCH.
IT'S YOUR LIFE.
NOBODY'S THE WISER!

IT'S YOUR LIFE.
NOBODY'S THE WISER!
AND FOR YOU COLLECTORS

NOBODY'S THE WISER!
AND FOR YOU COLLECTORS
LOOKING FOR SOMETHING A BIT OUT

AND FOR YOU COLLECTORS
LOOKING FOR SOMETHING A BIT OUT
OF THE ORDINARY, WHY NOT THESE

LOOKING FOR SOMETHING A BIT OUT
OF THE ORDINARY, WHY NOT THESE
MATCHED PINTS OF PAUL ROBESON'S

OF THE ORDINARY, WHY NOT THESE
MATCHED PINTS OF PAUL ROBESON'S
BATHWATER?

MATCHED PINTS OF PAUL ROBESON'S
BATHWATER?
INCREDIBLE BUT TRUE.

BATHWATER?
INCREDIBLE BUT TRUE.
AND WHEN THESE ARE GONE, THEY'LL

INCREDIBLE BUT TRUE.
AND WHEN THESE ARE GONE, THEY'LL
BE THE LAST, FOLKS, SO A WORD TO

AND WHEN THESE ARE GONE, THEY'LL
BE THE LAST, FOLKS, SO A WORD TO
THE WISE.

BE THE LAST, FOLKS, SO A WORD TO
THE WISE.
A TIP WORTH TAKING, CINDY.

THE WISE.
A TIP WORTH TAKING, CINDY.
AND IF IT'S BARGAINS YOU'RE

A TIP WORTH TAKING, CINDY.
AND IF IT'S BARGAINS YOU'RE
AFTER, QUITE FRANKLY, WE'RE

AND IF IT'S BARGAINS YOU'RE
AFTER, QUITE FRANKLY, WE'RE
OVERSTOCKED ON IDA LUPINO...

AFTER, QUITE FRANKLY, WE'RE
OVERSTOCKED ON IDA LUPINO...
OVER 50,000 GALLONS, ENOUGH TO

OVERSTOCKED ON IDA LUPINO...
OVER 50,000 GALLONS, ENOUGH TO
FIGHT AN OCTOPUS IN.

OVER 50,000 GALLONS, ENOUGH TO
FIGHT AN OCTOPUS IN.
AND BEST OFFER TAKES IT, SO

FIGHT AN OCTOPUS IN.
AND BEST OFFER TAKES IT, SO
WHETHER IT'S A GLASS OF

AND BEST OFFER TAKES IT, SO
WHETHER IT'S A GLASS OF
JEFF CHANDLER TO SOAK YOUR

WHETHER IT'S A GLASS OF
JEFF CHANDLER TO SOAK YOUR
DENTURES IN...

JEFF CHANDLER TO SOAK YOUR
DENTURES IN...
OR JUST A BOTTLE OF

DENTURES IN...
OR JUST A BOTTLE OF
GLENDA JACKSON TO POUR IN A

OR JUST A BOTTLE OF
GLENDA JACKSON TO POUR IN A
PAPER BAG AND DROP OUT THE

GLENDA JACKSON TO POUR IN A
PAPER BAG AND DROP OUT THE
WINDOW...

PAPER BAG AND DROP OUT THE
WINDOW...
COME TO ME!

WINDOW...
COME TO ME!
COME TO ME AT ROY WADDMAKER'S

COME TO ME!
COME TO ME AT ROY WADDMAKER'S
BATHWATER OF THE STARS IN THE

COME TO ME AT ROY WADDMAKER'S
BATHWATER OF THE STARS IN THE
HEART OF BEVERLY HILLS, SERVING

BATHWATER OF THE STARS IN THE
HEART OF BEVERLY HILLS, SERVING
YOUR BATHWATER NEEDS SINCE 1974.

HEART OF BEVERLY HILLS, SERVING
YOUR BATHWATER NEEDS SINCE 1974.
SO THIS IS CINDY CLEAVAGE

YOUR BATHWATER NEEDS SINCE 1974.
SO THIS IS CINDY CLEAVAGE
SAYING, "DON'T THROW OUT THE

SO THIS IS CINDY CLEAVAGE
SAYING, "DON'T THROW OUT THE
BABY OR THE BATHWATER!"

HELLO.
I'M PRIVATE RICK DUNCAN WITH A
WORD ABOUT THE MARINE "CORPSE,"

I'M PRIVATE RICK DUNCAN WITH A
WORD ABOUT THE MARINE "CORPSE,"
THE FAST, NEW, AND EXCITING

WORD ABOUT THE MARINE "CORPSE,"
THE FAST, NEW, AND EXCITING
MARINE "CORPSE."

THE FAST, NEW, AND EXCITING
MARINE "CORPSE."
CUT!

MARINE "CORPSE."
CUT!
THAT'S "CORE," PRIVATE!

CUT!
THAT'S "CORE," PRIVATE!
MARINE "CORE," DO YOU HEAR ME?!

THAT'S "CORE," PRIVATE!
MARINE "CORE," DO YOU HEAR ME?!
YES, SIR, I DO.

MARINE "CORE," DO YOU HEAR ME?!
YES, SIR, I DO.
REPEAT... MARINE CORPS!

YES, SIR, I DO.
REPEAT... MARINE CORPS!
MARINE CORPS.

REPEAT... MARINE CORPS!
MARINE CORPS.
I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

MARINE CORPS.
I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT!

I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT!
THIS IS JUST A WARNING.

AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT!
THIS IS JUST A WARNING.
YES, SIR.

THIS IS JUST A WARNING.
YES, SIR.
ALL RIGHT, ACTION.

YES, SIR.
ALL RIGHT, ACTION.
THE MARINE CORPS IS PROUD OF

ALL RIGHT, ACTION.
THE MARINE CORPS IS PROUD OF
ITS TRADITION AND ITS PRACTICES

THE MARINE CORPS IS PROUD OF
ITS TRADITION AND ITS PRACTICES
THAT MAKE IT DIFFERENT FROM

ITS TRADITION AND ITS PRACTICES
THAT MAKE IT DIFFERENT FROM
OTHER BRANCHES OF THE ARMED

THAT MAKE IT DIFFERENT FROM
OTHER BRANCHES OF THE ARMED
FORCES.

OTHER BRANCHES OF THE ARMED
FORCES.
HOW'S IT DIFFERENT?

FORCES.
HOW'S IT DIFFERENT?
WELL, FIRST OF ALL, IN THE

HOW'S IT DIFFERENT?
WELL, FIRST OF ALL, IN THE
MARINE CORPS, YOU GET TO MEET

WELL, FIRST OF ALL, IN THE
MARINE CORPS, YOU GET TO MEET
ALL SORTSA PEOPLE.

MARINE CORPS, YOU GET TO MEET
ALL SORTSA PEOPLE.
CUT!

ALL SORTSA PEOPLE.
CUT!
IS "SORTSA" A CORRECT WORD,

CUT!
IS "SORTSA" A CORRECT WORD,
MARINE?!

IS "SORTSA" A CORRECT WORD,
MARINE?!
NO, SIR.

MARINE?!
NO, SIR.
A MARINE IS WELL BRED AND

NO, SIR.
A MARINE IS WELL BRED AND
INTELLIGENT!

A MARINE IS WELL BRED AND
INTELLIGENT!
PORTRAY HIM AS SUCH!

INTELLIGENT!
PORTRAY HIM AS SUCH!
YES, SIR.

PORTRAY HIM AS SUCH!
YES, SIR.
THE WORD IS "KINDS OF

YES, SIR.
THE WORD IS "KINDS OF
MARINE."

THE WORD IS "KINDS OF
MARINE."
ALL RIGHT, PORTRAY, MAGGOT.

MARINE."
ALL RIGHT, PORTRAY, MAGGOT.
YES, SIR, I...

ALL RIGHT, PORTRAY, MAGGOT.
YES, SIR, I...
THE MARINES TAKE RECRUITS FROM

YES, SIR, I...
THE MARINES TAKE RECRUITS FROM
ALL OVER THE COUNTRY, FROM ALL

THE MARINES TAKE RECRUITS FROM
ALL OVER THE COUNTRY, FROM ALL
OVER THE COUNTRY, FROM ALL OVER

ALL OVER THE COUNTRY, FROM ALL
OVER THE COUNTRY, FROM ALL OVER
THE COUNTRY, AND MAKE THEM MEN.

OVER THE COUNTRY, FROM ALL OVER
THE COUNTRY, AND MAKE THEM MEN.
AND HOW DOES THE MARINE CORPS DO

THE COUNTRY, AND MAKE THEM MEN.
AND HOW DOES THE MARINE CORPS DO
THAT?

AND HOW DOES THE MARINE CORPS DO
THAT?
DISCIPLINE.

THAT?
DISCIPLINE.
WE NEED DISCIPLINE.

DISCIPLINE.
WE NEED DISCIPLINE.
WE ENJOY IT.

WE NEED DISCIPLINE.
WE ENJOY IT.
CUT!

WE ENJOY IT.
CUT!
PRIVATE!

CUT!
PRIVATE!
AAH!

PRIVATE!
AAH!
AAH!

AAH!
AAH!
YES, SIR?

AAH!
YES, SIR?
WERE YOU A MAN BEFORE YOU

YES, SIR?
WERE YOU A MAN BEFORE YOU
JOINED THE UNITED STATES

WERE YOU A MAN BEFORE YOU
JOINED THE UNITED STATES
MARINE CORPS?!

JOINED THE UNITED STATES
MARINE CORPS?!
NO, SIR.

MARINE CORPS?!
NO, SIR.
AAH!

NO, SIR.
AAH!
AAH!

AAH!
AAH!
WHAT WERE YOU?!

AAH!
WHAT WERE YOU?!
SLIME.

WHAT WERE YOU?!
SLIME.
SLIME WHAT?!

SLIME.
SLIME WHAT?!
SLIME, SIR!

SLIME WHAT?!
SLIME, SIR!
AAH!

SLIME, SIR!
AAH!
AAH!

AAH!
AAH!
WHAT IS THE OBJECTIVE OF THE

AAH!
WHAT IS THE OBJECTIVE OF THE
MARINE CORPS COMMERCIAL

WHAT IS THE OBJECTIVE OF THE
MARINE CORPS COMMERCIAL
PRODUCTION GROUP?!

MARINE CORPS COMMERCIAL
PRODUCTION GROUP?!
TO ADVERTISE THE

PRODUCTION GROUP?!
TO ADVERTISE THE
MARINE CORPS AS AN EFFICIENT,

TO ADVERTISE THE
MARINE CORPS AS AN EFFICIENT,
ATTRACTIVE FIGHTING FORCE, SIR!

MARINE CORPS AS AN EFFICIENT,
ATTRACTIVE FIGHTING FORCE, SIR!
OOP!

ATTRACTIVE FIGHTING FORCE, SIR!
OOP!
AAH!

OOP!
AAH!
TEN-HUT!

AAH!
TEN-HUT!
WHAT IS NECESSARY FOR A

TEN-HUT!
WHAT IS NECESSARY FOR A
CONVINCING PERFORMANCE ON FILM?!

WHAT IS NECESSARY FOR A
CONVINCING PERFORMANCE ON FILM?!
P-P-PERFORMANCE OF A GOOD

CONVINCING PERFORMANCE ON FILM?!
P-P-PERFORMANCE OF A GOOD
ACTOR, SIR!

P-P-PERFORMANCE OF A GOOD
ACTOR, SIR!
A WHAT?

ACTOR, SIR!
A WHAT?
AAH!

A WHAT?
AAH!
AAH!

AAH!
AAH!
A G-GOOD ACTOR, SIR!

AAH!
A G-GOOD ACTOR, SIR!
A WHAT?!

A G-GOOD ACTOR, SIR!
A WHAT?!
AAH!

A WHAT?!
AAH!
AAH!

AAH!
AAH!
A GOOD ACTOR, SIR!

AAH!
A GOOD ACTOR, SIR!
A GOOD MARINE ACTOR!

A GOOD ACTOR, SIR!
A GOOD MARINE ACTOR!
A GOOD MARINE ACTOR, SIR!

A GOOD MARINE ACTOR!
A GOOD MARINE ACTOR, SIR!
SEE THAT YOU GIVE A SINCERE

A GOOD MARINE ACTOR, SIR!
SEE THAT YOU GIVE A SINCERE
PORTRAYAL!

SEE THAT YOU GIVE A SINCERE
PORTRAYAL!
YES, SIR!

PORTRAYAL!
YES, SIR!
SLUG!

YES, SIR!
SLUG!
THE MARINES OFFER YOU MANY

SLUG!
THE MARINES OFFER YOU MANY
THINGS... TRAVEL, RECREATION,

THE MARINES OFFER YOU MANY
THINGS... TRAVEL, RECREATION,
MIND DEVELOPMENT.

THINGS... TRAVEL, RECREATION,
MIND DEVELOPMENT.
THE MARINES STRESS BASICS, AND

MIND DEVELOPMENT.
THE MARINES STRESS BASICS, AND
IT'S FUN, TOO.

THE MARINES STRESS BASICS, AND
IT'S FUN, TOO.
I'M GLAD I'M A M-M-MARINE.

IT'S FUN, TOO.
I'M GLAD I'M A M-M-MARINE.
IT'S THE TYPE O-F-F-F EXPERIENCE

I'M GLAD I'M A M-M-MARINE.
IT'S THE TYPE O-F-F-F EXPERIENCE
YOU'LL WANT TO HAVE, TOO.

IT'S THE TYPE O-F-F-F EXPERIENCE
YOU'LL WANT TO HAVE, TOO.
CUT!

YOU'LL WANT TO HAVE, TOO.
CUT!
OH.

CUT!
OH.
AHH!

OH.
AHH!
AAH!

AHH!
AAH!
I AM NOT CONVINCED, MAGGOT!

AAH!
I AM NOT CONVINCED, MAGGOT!
YOU ARE NOT DEPLOYING YOUR INNER

I AM NOT CONVINCED, MAGGOT!
YOU ARE NOT DEPLOYING YOUR INNER
SENSITIVITY!

YOU ARE NOT DEPLOYING YOUR INNER
SENSITIVITY!
YES, SIR!

SENSITIVITY!
YES, SIR!
YOU HAVE TO EMOTE, EMOTE,

YES, SIR!
YOU HAVE TO EMOTE, EMOTE,
EMOTE!

YOU HAVE TO EMOTE, EMOTE,
EMOTE!
MAKE ME BELIEVE THE MARINES

EMOTE!
MAKE ME BELIEVE THE MARINES
TEACH WHAT?!

MAKE ME BELIEVE THE MARINES
TEACH WHAT?!
PRIDE.

TEACH WHAT?!
PRIDE.
I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

PRIDE.
I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
PRIDE!

I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
PRIDE!
I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

PRIDE!
I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
PRIDE!

I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
PRIDE!
I CANNOT HEAR YOU!

PRIDE!
I CANNOT HEAR YOU!
PRIDE, SIR!

I CANNOT HEAR YOU!
PRIDE, SIR!
I CANNOT HEAR YOU, MAGGOT!

PRIDE, SIR!
I CANNOT HEAR YOU, MAGGOT!
P-P-P-PRIDE, SIR!

I CANNOT HEAR YOU, MAGGOT!
P-P-P-PRIDE, SIR!
I CANNOT HEAR YOU, SLUG.

P-P-P-PRIDE, SIR!
I CANNOT HEAR YOU, SLUG.
P-P-PRIDE, SIR.

I CANNOT HEAR YOU, SLUG.
P-P-PRIDE, SIR.
I CANNOT HEAR YOU, SCUM.

P-P-PRIDE, SIR.
I CANNOT HEAR YOU, SCUM.
I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

I CANNOT HEAR YOU, SCUM.
I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
Announcer: JOIN THE MARINES,

I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
Announcer: JOIN THE MARINES,
THE ONLY SERVICE WHERE MEN DIE

Announcer: JOIN THE MARINES,
THE ONLY SERVICE WHERE MEN DIE
FOR THEIR COUNTRY EVEN IN

THE ONLY SERVICE WHERE MEN DIE
FOR THEIR COUNTRY EVEN IN
PEACETIME.

ONCE AGAIN,
LEON AND MARY RUSSELL.
[INTRODUCTION TO "DAYLIGHT"

LEON AND MARY RUSSELL.
[INTRODUCTION TO "DAYLIGHT"
PLAYS]

♪ 5:00 IN THE MORNING ♪
♪ THE PARTY'S STILL GOING,
STILL GOING STRONG ♪

♪ THE PARTY'S STILL GOING,
STILL GOING STRONG ♪
♪ OOH ♪

STILL GOING STRONG ♪
♪ OOH ♪
♪ THERE'S A CONVERSATION

♪ OOH ♪
♪ THERE'S A CONVERSATION
OVER IN THE CORNER ♪

♪ THERE'S A CONVERSATION
OVER IN THE CORNER ♪
♪ OOH ♪

OVER IN THE CORNER ♪
♪ OOH ♪
♪ AND IT'S DANCING ON A LIE ♪

♪ OOH ♪
♪ AND IT'S DANCING ON A LIE ♪
♪ WHOO, WHEN THE MUSIC IS

♪ AND IT'S DANCING ON A LIE ♪
♪ WHOO, WHEN THE MUSIC IS
GROOVIN' ♪

♪ WHOO, WHEN THE MUSIC IS
GROOVIN' ♪
♪ EVERYBODY'S GETTING DOWN,

GROOVIN' ♪
♪ EVERYBODY'S GETTING DOWN,
GETTING DOWN IN THEIR STOCKING

♪ EVERYBODY'S GETTING DOWN,
GETTING DOWN IN THEIR STOCKING
FEET ♪

GETTING DOWN IN THEIR STOCKING
FEET ♪
♪ OOH ♪

FEET ♪
♪ OOH ♪
♪ SLEEPY EYES ARE PEEPING

♪ OOH ♪
♪ SLEEPY EYES ARE PEEPING
FROM THE WINDOW, FROM ACROSS THE

♪ SLEEPY EYES ARE PEEPING
FROM THE WINDOW, FROM ACROSS THE
STREET ♪

FROM THE WINDOW, FROM ACROSS THE
STREET ♪
♪ WHOA, AND IT LOOKS LIKE ♪

STREET ♪
♪ WHOA, AND IT LOOKS LIKE ♪
♪ DAYLIGHT IS GONNA CATCH ME

♪ WHOA, AND IT LOOKS LIKE ♪
♪ DAYLIGHT IS GONNA CATCH ME
UP, GONNA CATCH ME UP AGAIN ♪

♪ DAYLIGHT IS GONNA CATCH ME
UP, GONNA CATCH ME UP AGAIN ♪
♪ SOME PEOPLE ARE GETTING UP ♪

UP, GONNA CATCH ME UP AGAIN ♪
♪ SOME PEOPLE ARE GETTING UP ♪
♪ WE'RE JUST GETTING IN ♪

♪ SOME PEOPLE ARE GETTING UP ♪
♪ WE'RE JUST GETTING IN ♪
♪ IT'S THE ONLY, ONLY, ONLY

♪ WE'RE JUST GETTING IN ♪
♪ IT'S THE ONLY, ONLY, ONLY
TIME ♪

♪ IT'S THE ONLY, ONLY, ONLY
TIME ♪
♪ THAT ME AND MY BABY CAN

TIME ♪
♪ THAT ME AND MY BABY CAN
UNWIND ♪

♪ THAT ME AND MY BABY CAN
UNWIND ♪
♪ OOH-OOH-OOH-OOH ♪

UNWIND ♪
♪ OOH-OOH-OOH-OOH ♪
♪ I SAID I SWEAR TO MYSELF,

♪ OOH-OOH-OOH-OOH ♪
♪ I SAID I SWEAR TO MYSELF,
YES I DID ♪

♪ I SAID I SWEAR TO MYSELF,
YES I DID ♪
♪ TIME AND TIME AGAIN ♪

YES I DID ♪
♪ TIME AND TIME AGAIN ♪
♪ THAT I WOULD GIVE UP A NIGHT

♪ TIME AND TIME AGAIN ♪
♪ THAT I WOULD GIVE UP A NIGHT
LIFE ♪

♪ THAT I WOULD GIVE UP A NIGHT
LIFE ♪
♪ AND START LAYING IN ♪

LIFE ♪
♪ AND START LAYING IN ♪
♪ BUT WAIT A MINUTE ♪

♪ AND START LAYING IN ♪
♪ BUT WAIT A MINUTE ♪
♪ AIN'T EASY ♪

♪ BUT WAIT A MINUTE ♪
♪ AIN'T EASY ♪
♪ SAYING NO, NO TO MY

♪ AIN'T EASY ♪
♪ SAYING NO, NO TO MY
FRIENDS ♪

♪ SAYING NO, NO TO MY
FRIENDS ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THE REAL SET DON'T GET

FRIENDS ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THE REAL SET DON'T GET
STARTED ♪

♪ 'CAUSE THE REAL SET DON'T GET
STARTED ♪
♪ UNTIL EVERYONE ELSE IS IN ♪

STARTED ♪
♪ UNTIL EVERYONE ELSE IS IN ♪
♪ HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY ♪

♪ UNTIL EVERYONE ELSE IS IN ♪
♪ HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY ♪
♪ OH, AND IT LOOKS LIKE

♪ HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY ♪
♪ OH, AND IT LOOKS LIKE
DAYLIGHT IS GONNA CATCH ME UP,

♪ OH, AND IT LOOKS LIKE
DAYLIGHT IS GONNA CATCH ME UP,
GONNA CATCH ME UP AGAIN ♪

DAYLIGHT IS GONNA CATCH ME UP,
GONNA CATCH ME UP AGAIN ♪
♪ SOME PEOPLE ARE GETTING UP ♪

GONNA CATCH ME UP AGAIN ♪
♪ SOME PEOPLE ARE GETTING UP ♪
WE'RE JUST GETTING IN ♪

♪ SOME PEOPLE ARE GETTING UP ♪
WE'RE JUST GETTING IN ♪
[SAXOPHONE SOLO]

♪ DAYLIGHT ♪
♪ GONNA CATCH ME UP AGAIN ♪
♪ OHHHHH ♪

♪ GONNA CATCH ME UP AGAIN ♪
♪ OHHHHH ♪
♪ DAYLIGHT ♪

♪ OHHHHH ♪
♪ DAYLIGHT ♪
♪ GONNA CATCH ME UP, CATCH ME UP

♪ DAYLIGHT ♪
♪ GONNA CATCH ME UP, CATCH ME UP
AGAIN ♪

♪ GONNA CATCH ME UP, CATCH ME UP
AGAIN ♪
♪ OHHHH ♪

AGAIN ♪
♪ OHHHH ♪
♪ NOW, LISTEN ♪

♪ OHHHH ♪
♪ NOW, LISTEN ♪
♪ DAY ♪

♪ NOW, LISTEN ♪
♪ DAY ♪
♪ DAYLIGHT ♪

♪ DAY ♪
♪ DAYLIGHT ♪
♪ GONNA CATCH ME UP,

♪ DAYLIGHT ♪
♪ GONNA CATCH ME UP,
GONNA CATCH ME UP AGAIN ♪

♪ GONNA CATCH ME UP,
GONNA CATCH ME UP AGAIN ♪
♪ AGAIN, AGAIN, AGAIN! ♪

GONNA CATCH ME UP AGAIN ♪
♪ AGAIN, AGAIN, AGAIN! ♪
[MUSIC STOPS]

♪ AGAIN, AGAIN, AGAIN! ♪
[MUSIC STOPS]
♪ DAYLIGHT ♪

[MUSIC STOPS]
♪ DAYLIGHT ♪
♪ IS GONNA CATCH ME UP! ♪

♪ DAYLIGHT ♪
♪ IS GONNA CATCH ME UP! ♪
DAYLIGHT IS GONNA... IS GONNA...

♪ IS GONNA CATCH ME UP! ♪
DAYLIGHT IS GONNA... IS GONNA...
IT'S COMING THROUGH...

DAYLIGHT IS GONNA... IS GONNA...
IT'S COMING THROUGH...
THROUGH...

IT'S COMING THROUGH...
THROUGH...
[SHOUTS]

THROUGH...
[SHOUTS]
[MUSIC PLAYS]

[SHOUTS]
[MUSIC PLAYS]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

DYAN, HONEY!
I'M COMING, MOM!
YOUR FATHER AND I ARE NOT

I'M COMING, MOM!
YOUR FATHER AND I ARE NOT
BEING DIFFICULT.

YOUR FATHER AND I ARE NOT
BEING DIFFICULT.
IT'S JUST THAT WE'D LIKE TO MEET

BEING DIFFICULT.
IT'S JUST THAT WE'D LIKE TO MEET
ALL YOUR DATES.

IT'S JUST THAT WE'D LIKE TO MEET
ALL YOUR DATES.
THAT'S ALL.

ALL YOUR DATES.
THAT'S ALL.
BUT, MOTHER, I TOLD YOU A

THAT'S ALL.
BUT, MOTHER, I TOLD YOU A
THOUSAND TIMES, TODAY'S NOT A

BUT, MOTHER, I TOLD YOU A
THOUSAND TIMES, TODAY'S NOT A
REAL DATE.

THOUSAND TIMES, TODAY'S NOT A
REAL DATE.
NO, IT'S JUST A RIDE TO THE

REAL DATE.
NO, IT'S JUST A RIDE TO THE
FOOTBALL GAME.

NO, IT'S JUST A RIDE TO THE
FOOTBALL GAME.
AFTER YOU SPEND TWO HOURS

FOOTBALL GAME.
AFTER YOU SPEND TWO HOURS
FIXING YOURSELF UP?

AFTER YOU SPEND TWO HOURS
FIXING YOURSELF UP?
DO YOU EXPECT US TO BELIEVE

FIXING YOURSELF UP?
DO YOU EXPECT US TO BELIEVE
THAT?

DO YOU EXPECT US TO BELIEVE
THAT?
WE'VE HARDLY SPOKEN MORE THAN

THAT?
WE'VE HARDLY SPOKEN MORE THAN
ONCE, AND I ONLY GOT THIS RIDE

WE'VE HARDLY SPOKEN MORE THAN
ONCE, AND I ONLY GOT THIS RIDE
BECAUSE JUDY'S BROTHER ASKED FOR

ONCE, AND I ONLY GOT THIS RIDE
BECAUSE JUDY'S BROTHER ASKED FOR
ME.

BECAUSE JUDY'S BROTHER ASKED FOR
ME.
IT REALLY ISN'T A ROMANCE.

ME.
IT REALLY ISN'T A ROMANCE.
TO JOHNNY, I'M PRACTICALLY

IT REALLY ISN'T A ROMANCE.
TO JOHNNY, I'M PRACTICALLY
INVISIBLE.

TO JOHNNY, I'M PRACTICALLY
INVISIBLE.
AND YET, YOUNG LADY, ALL

INVISIBLE.
AND YET, YOUNG LADY, ALL
WE'VE HEARD THIS WEEK IS

AND YET, YOUNG LADY, ALL
WE'VE HEARD THIS WEEK IS
"JOHNNY, JOHNNY, JOHNNY."

WE'VE HEARD THIS WEEK IS
"JOHNNY, JOHNNY, JOHNNY."
"JOHNNY, JOHNNY, JOHNNY" ALL

"JOHNNY, JOHNNY, JOHNNY."
"JOHNNY, JOHNNY, JOHNNY" ALL
WEEK.

"JOHNNY, JOHNNY, JOHNNY" ALL
WEEK.
[DOORBELL RINGS]

WEEK.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
MOM.

[DOORBELL RINGS]
MOM.
MOM, DAD, THESE ARE MY

MOM.
MOM, DAD, THESE ARE MY
BOYFRIEND, JOHNNY ANGEL.

MOM, DAD, THESE ARE MY
BOYFRIEND, JOHNNY ANGEL.
♪ JOHNNY ANGEL ♪

BOYFRIEND, JOHNNY ANGEL.
♪ JOHNNY ANGEL ♪
♪ JOHNNY ANGEL ♪

♪ JOHNNY ANGEL ♪
♪ JOHNNY ANGEL ♪
♪ JOHNNY ANGEL ♪

♪ JOHNNY ANGEL ♪
♪ JOHNNY ANGEL ♪
♪ YOU'RE AN ANGEL TO ME ♪

♪ JOHNNY ANGEL ♪
♪ YOU'RE AN ANGEL TO ME ♪
♪ JOHNNY ANGEL ♪

♪ YOU'RE AN ANGEL TO ME ♪
♪ JOHNNY ANGEL ♪
♪ HOW I LOVE HIM ♪

♪ JOHNNY ANGEL ♪
♪ HOW I LOVE HIM ♪
♪ HE'S SOMETHING THAT I CAN'T

♪ HOW I LOVE HIM ♪
♪ HE'S SOMETHING THAT I CAN'T
RESIST ♪

♪ HE'S SOMETHING THAT I CAN'T
RESIST ♪
♪ HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW THAT I

RESIST ♪
♪ HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW THAT I
EXIST ♪

♪ HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW THAT I
EXIST ♪
♪ JOHNNY ANGEL ♪

EXIST ♪
♪ JOHNNY ANGEL ♪
♪ JOHNNY ANGEL ♪

♪ JOHNNY ANGEL ♪
♪ JOHNNY ANGEL ♪
♪ HOW I WANT HIM ♪

♪ JOHNNY ANGEL ♪
♪ HOW I WANT HIM ♪
♪ HOW SHE WANTS HIM ♪

♪ HOW I WANT HIM ♪
♪ HOW SHE WANTS HIM ♪
♪ I WOULD TINGLE WHEN HE

♪ HOW SHE WANTS HIM ♪
♪ I WOULD TINGLE WHEN HE
PASSES BY ♪

♪ I WOULD TINGLE WHEN HE
PASSES BY ♪
♪ EVERY TIME HE SAYS HELLO, MY

PASSES BY ♪
♪ EVERY TIME HE SAYS HELLO, MY
HEART BEGINS TO FLY ♪

♪ EVERY TIME HE SAYS HELLO, MY
HEART BEGINS TO FLY ♪
♪ I'M IN HEAVEN ♪

HEART BEGINS TO FLY ♪
♪ I'M IN HEAVEN ♪
♪ I GET CARRIED AWAY ♪

♪ I'M IN HEAVEN ♪
♪ I GET CARRIED AWAY ♪
♪ I THINK OF HIM AND ME

♪ I GET CARRIED AWAY ♪
♪ I THINK OF HIM AND ME
AND HOW IT'S GONNA BE ♪

♪ I THINK OF HIM AND ME
AND HOW IT'S GONNA BE ♪
YEAH.

AND HOW IT'S GONNA BE ♪
YEAH.
♪ OTHER FELLOWS ASK ME OUT

YEAH.
♪ OTHER FELLOWS ASK ME OUT
FOR A DATE ♪

♪ OTHER FELLOWS ASK ME OUT
FOR A DATE ♪
♪ BUT I JUST SIT AND WAIT ♪

FOR A DATE ♪
♪ BUT I JUST SIT AND WAIT ♪
♪ I'D RATHER CONCENTRATE ON

♪ BUT I JUST SIT AND WAIT ♪
♪ I'D RATHER CONCENTRATE ON
JOHNNY ANGEL ♪

♪ I'D RATHER CONCENTRATE ON
JOHNNY ANGEL ♪
♪ JOHNNY ANGEL ♪

JOHNNY ANGEL ♪
♪ JOHNNY ANGEL ♪
♪ HOW I LOVE HIM ♪

♪ JOHNNY ANGEL ♪
♪ HOW I LOVE HIM ♪
♪ AND I PRAY THAT SOMEDAY HE'LL

♪ HOW I LOVE HIM ♪
♪ AND I PRAY THAT SOMEDAY HE'LL
LOVE ME ♪

♪ AND I PRAY THAT SOMEDAY HE'LL
LOVE ME ♪
♪ AND TOGETHER WE WILL SEE HOW

LOVE ME ♪
♪ AND TOGETHER WE WILL SEE HOW
HAPPY HEAVEN WILL BE ♪

♪ AND TOGETHER WE WILL SEE HOW
HAPPY HEAVEN WILL BE ♪
♪ I'M IN HEAVEN ♪

HAPPY HEAVEN WILL BE ♪
♪ I'M IN HEAVEN ♪
♪ I GET CARRIED AWAY ♪

♪ I'M IN HEAVEN ♪
♪ I GET CARRIED AWAY ♪
♪ I THINK OF HIM AND ME

♪ I GET CARRIED AWAY ♪
♪ I THINK OF HIM AND ME
AND HOW IT'S GONNA BE ♪

♪ I THINK OF HIM AND ME
AND HOW IT'S GONNA BE ♪
♪ OTHER FELLOWS ASK ME OUT FOR

AND HOW IT'S GONNA BE ♪
♪ OTHER FELLOWS ASK ME OUT FOR
A DATE ♪

♪ OTHER FELLOWS ASK ME OUT FOR
A DATE ♪
♪ BUT I JUST SIT AND WAIT ♪

A DATE ♪
♪ BUT I JUST SIT AND WAIT ♪
♪ I'D RATHER CONCENTRATE ♪

♪ BUT I JUST SIT AND WAIT ♪
♪ I'D RATHER CONCENTRATE ♪
♪ ON JOHNNY ANGEL ♪

♪ I'D RATHER CONCENTRATE ♪
♪ ON JOHNNY ANGEL ♪
♪ JOHNNY ANGEL ♪

♪ ON JOHNNY ANGEL ♪
♪ JOHNNY ANGEL ♪
♪ HOW I LOVE HIM ♪

♪ JOHNNY ANGEL ♪
♪ HOW I LOVE HIM ♪
♪ AND I PRAY THAT SOMEDAY

♪ HOW I LOVE HIM ♪
♪ AND I PRAY THAT SOMEDAY
HE'LL LOVE ME ♪

♪ AND I PRAY THAT SOMEDAY
HE'LL LOVE ME ♪
♪ AND TOGETHER WE WILL SEE HOW

HE'LL LOVE ME ♪
♪ AND TOGETHER WE WILL SEE HOW
HAPPY HEAVEN WILL BE ♪

♪ AND TOGETHER WE WILL SEE HOW
HAPPY HEAVEN WILL BE ♪
[SCREAMS]

HAPPY HEAVEN WILL BE ♪
[SCREAMS]
♪ JOHNNY ANGEL ♪

[SCREAMS]
♪ JOHNNY ANGEL ♪
♪ JOHNNY ANGEL ♪

♪ JOHNNY ANGEL ♪
♪ JOHNNY ANGEL ♪
♪ JOHNNY ANGEL ♪

♪ JOHNNY ANGEL ♪
♪ JOHNNY ANGEL ♪
♪ YOU'RE AN ANGEL TO ME ♪

MORNING, MR. GOODMAN.
OH, CLAIRE.
WELL, WELL, HOW ARE YOU, CLAIRE?

OH, CLAIRE.
WELL, WELL, HOW ARE YOU, CLAIRE?
ALL RIGHT, I GUESS.

WELL, WELL, HOW ARE YOU, CLAIRE?
ALL RIGHT, I GUESS.
WELL, THAT'S JUST GOOD.

ALL RIGHT, I GUESS.
WELL, THAT'S JUST GOOD.
THAT'S JUST FINE.

WELL, THAT'S JUST GOOD.
THAT'S JUST FINE.
LET'S SEE.

THAT'S JUST FINE.
LET'S SEE.
WHAT DO YOU HAVE HERE?

LET'S SEE.
WHAT DO YOU HAVE HERE?
HERE'S ONE MEMORIAL CANDLE AND A

WHAT DO YOU HAVE HERE?
HERE'S ONE MEMORIAL CANDLE AND A
BOX OF KLEENEX.

HERE'S ONE MEMORIAL CANDLE AND A
BOX OF KLEENEX.
SAY, CLAIRE, WHATEVER HAPPENED

BOX OF KLEENEX.
SAY, CLAIRE, WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO LITTLE JOHNNY, YOUR LITTLE

SAY, CLAIRE, WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO LITTLE JOHNNY, YOUR LITTLE
BOY?

TO LITTLE JOHNNY, YOUR LITTLE
BOY?
I NEVER SEE HIM AROUND HERE

BOY?
I NEVER SEE HIM AROUND HERE
ANYMORE.

I NEVER SEE HIM AROUND HERE
ANYMORE.
JOHNNY'S DEAD.

ANYMORE.
JOHNNY'S DEAD.
HIS SCHOOL BUS WENT OUT OF

JOHNNY'S DEAD.
HIS SCHOOL BUS WENT OUT OF
CONTROL.

HIS SCHOOL BUS WENT OUT OF
CONTROL.
IT WAS TERRIBLE.

CONTROL.
IT WAS TERRIBLE.
AH, YES, I REMEMBER THAT NOW,

IT WAS TERRIBLE.
AH, YES, I REMEMBER THAT NOW,
CLAIRE.

AH, YES, I REMEMBER THAT NOW,
CLAIRE.
THAT'S RIGHT.

CLAIRE.
THAT'S RIGHT.
THAT'S A SHAME.

THAT'S RIGHT.
THAT'S A SHAME.
AT SUCH A YOUNG AGE, IT'S A REAL

THAT'S A SHAME.
AT SUCH A YOUNG AGE, IT'S A REAL
TRAGEDY, CLAIRE.

AT SUCH A YOUNG AGE, IT'S A REAL
TRAGEDY, CLAIRE.
THERE'S JUST NO JUSTICE IN THIS

TRAGEDY, CLAIRE.
THERE'S JUST NO JUSTICE IN THIS
WORLD, CLAIRE.

THERE'S JUST NO JUSTICE IN THIS
WORLD, CLAIRE.
CLAIRE, WHAT ABOUT HIS TEETH?

WORLD, CLAIRE.
CLAIRE, WHAT ABOUT HIS TEETH?
JOHNNY'S DEAD, MR. GOODMAN.

CLAIRE, WHAT ABOUT HIS TEETH?
JOHNNY'S DEAD, MR. GOODMAN.
AH, CLAIRE, I HAVEN'T STEERED

JOHNNY'S DEAD, MR. GOODMAN.
AH, CLAIRE, I HAVEN'T STEERED
YOU WRONG YET, HAVE I?

AH, CLAIRE, I HAVEN'T STEERED
YOU WRONG YET, HAVE I?
WELL, NO.

YOU WRONG YET, HAVE I?
WELL, NO.
THAT'S RIGHT.

WELL, NO.
THAT'S RIGHT.
NOW, I'VE KNOWN JOHNNY EVER

THAT'S RIGHT.
NOW, I'VE KNOWN JOHNNY EVER
SINCE HE WAS A LITTLE BOY.

NOW, I'VE KNOWN JOHNNY EVER
SINCE HE WAS A LITTLE BOY.
AND, YOU KNOW, JOHNNY'S GONNA BE

SINCE HE WAS A LITTLE BOY.
AND, YOU KNOW, JOHNNY'S GONNA BE
GOING THROUGH A LOT OF CHANGES,

AND, YOU KNOW, JOHNNY'S GONNA BE
GOING THROUGH A LOT OF CHANGES,
YOU KNOW?

GOING THROUGH A LOT OF CHANGES,
YOU KNOW?
NOW, HIS BODY WILL DECAY, BUT

YOU KNOW?
NOW, HIS BODY WILL DECAY, BUT
HIS TEETH WON'T...

NOW, HIS BODY WILL DECAY, BUT
HIS TEETH WON'T...
NOT IF HE USES CRESK.

HIS TEETH WON'T...
NOT IF HE USES CRESK.
WHAT DO YOU SAY, CLAIRE?

NOT IF HE USES CRESK.
WHAT DO YOU SAY, CLAIRE?
WHY DON'T YOU GET SOME CRESK FOR

WHAT DO YOU SAY, CLAIRE?
WHY DON'T YOU GET SOME CRESK FOR
LITTLE JOHNNY?

WHY DON'T YOU GET SOME CRESK FOR
LITTLE JOHNNY?
ALL RIGHT.

LITTLE JOHNNY?
ALL RIGHT.
PUT IT ON MY BILL.

ALL RIGHT.
PUT IT ON MY BILL.
OKAY.

PUT IT ON MY BILL.
OKAY.
GOOD ENOUGH.

OKAY.
GOOD ENOUGH.
GOOD ENOUGH, CLAIRE.

GOOD ENOUGH.
GOOD ENOUGH, CLAIRE.
THANKS, MR. GOODMAN.

GOOD ENOUGH, CLAIRE.
THANKS, MR. GOODMAN.
OKAY, CLAIRE.

THANKS, MR. GOODMAN.
OKAY, CLAIRE.
AND, CLAIRE, REMEMBER, TELL THEM

OKAY, CLAIRE.
AND, CLAIRE, REMEMBER, TELL THEM
IT'S UP AND DOWN, NOT ACROSS.

AND, CLAIRE, REMEMBER, TELL THEM
IT'S UP AND DOWN, NOT ACROSS.
[CRYING]

IT'S UP AND DOWN, NOT ACROSS.
[CRYING]
THAT'S RIGHT.

[CRYING]
THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU CAN'T BEAT CRESK FOR

THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU CAN'T BEAT CRESK FOR
FIGHTING CAVITIES.

YOU CAN'T BEAT CRESK FOR
FIGHTING CAVITIES.
NOW WITH FORMALDEHYDE.

ONE OF THE MOST INTERESTING
FEATURES OF THE "SATURDAY NIGHT"
SHOW... I WANT YOU TO MAKE ONE

FEATURES OF THE "SATURDAY NIGHT"
SHOW... I WANT YOU TO MAKE ONE
GUESS WHAT IT IS.

SHOW... I WANT YOU TO MAKE ONE
GUESS WHAT IT IS.
DYAN!

GUESS WHAT IT IS.
DYAN!
YES?

DYAN!
YES?
HOLD ON!

YES?
HOLD ON!
COME ON!

HOLD ON!
COME ON!
NOW, MOVE, MOVE!

COME ON!
NOW, MOVE, MOVE!
COME ON, MOVE, MOVE, MOVE!

NOW, MOVE, MOVE!
COME ON, MOVE, MOVE, MOVE!
HEY, DYAN, HERE HE IS.

COME ON, MOVE, MOVE, MOVE!
HEY, DYAN, HERE HE IS.
HERE HE IS, WHAT YOU WANTED.

HEY, DYAN, HERE HE IS.
HERE HE IS, WHAT YOU WANTED.
WHAT?

HERE HE IS, WHAT YOU WANTED.
WHAT?
YOUR DREAM COME TRUE.

WHAT?
YOUR DREAM COME TRUE.
REMEMBER YOU SAID AT THE OPENING

YOUR DREAM COME TRUE.
REMEMBER YOU SAID AT THE OPENING
OF THE SHOW THAT YOU WANTED, YOU

REMEMBER YOU SAID AT THE OPENING
OF THE SHOW THAT YOU WANTED, YOU
KNOW, ABOUT THE GUY WHO COMES

OF THE SHOW THAT YOU WANTED, YOU
KNOW, ABOUT THE GUY WHO COMES
RIDING UP TO YOU ON A HORACE?

KNOW, ABOUT THE GUY WHO COMES
RIDING UP TO YOU ON A HORACE?
RIGHT.

RIDING UP TO YOU ON A HORACE?
RIGHT.
WELL, THIS IS THE GUY.

RIGHT.
WELL, THIS IS THE GUY.
THIS IS MY FRIEND HORACE.

WELL, THIS IS THE GUY.
THIS IS MY FRIEND HORACE.
[LAUGHING]

THIS IS MY FRIEND HORACE.
[LAUGHING]
JOHN, I DIDN'T SAY A WHITE

[LAUGHING]
JOHN, I DIDN'T SAY A WHITE
HORACE.

JOHN, I DIDN'T SAY A WHITE
HORACE.
I SAID A WHITE HORSE.

HORACE.
I SAID A WHITE HORSE.
HORSE.

I SAID A WHITE HORSE.
HORSE.
YOU KNOW, HORSE?

HORSE.
YOU KNOW, HORSE?
OH, HORSE.

YOU KNOW, HORSE?
OH, HORSE.
[WHINNIES]

OH, HORSE.
[WHINNIES]
MY MISTAKE.

[WHINNIES]
MY MISTAKE.
OH, DON'T FEEL BAD.

MY MISTAKE.
OH, DON'T FEEL BAD.
NO, I'M SORRY. I'M FINE.

OH, DON'T FEEL BAD.
NO, I'M SORRY. I'M FINE.
HORACE?

NO, I'M SORRY. I'M FINE.
HORACE?
NO PROBLEM HERE.

HORACE?
NO PROBLEM HERE.
WELL, I FEEL BAD.

NO PROBLEM HERE.
WELL, I FEEL BAD.
IT WAS REALLY SWEET OF YOU.

WELL, I FEEL BAD.
IT WAS REALLY SWEET OF YOU.
I KNOW YOU WANT TO MAKE MY DREAM

IT WAS REALLY SWEET OF YOU.
I KNOW YOU WANT TO MAKE MY DREAM
COME TRUE, BUT THIS IS NOT

I KNOW YOU WANT TO MAKE MY DREAM
COME TRUE, BUT THIS IS NOT
EXACTLY WHAT I HAD IN MIND.

COME TRUE, BUT THIS IS NOT
EXACTLY WHAT I HAD IN MIND.
WELL, WE'RE SORRY.

EXACTLY WHAT I HAD IN MIND.
WELL, WE'RE SORRY.
I GUESS THE EXPERIENCE WAS

WELL, WE'RE SORRY.
I GUESS THE EXPERIENCE WAS
REALLY GOOD FOR THE BOTH OF US,

I GUESS THE EXPERIENCE WAS
REALLY GOOD FOR THE BOTH OF US,
YOU KNOW?

REALLY GOOD FOR THE BOTH OF US,
YOU KNOW?
IT BROUGHT ME AND HORACE CLOSER

YOU KNOW?
IT BROUGHT ME AND HORACE CLOSER
TOGETHER, RIGHT, HORACE?

IT BROUGHT ME AND HORACE CLOSER
TOGETHER, RIGHT, HORACE?
SURE.

TOGETHER, RIGHT, HORACE?
SURE.
NO PROBLEM HERE.

SURE.
NO PROBLEM HERE.
THAT'S RIGHT, BOY.

NO PROBLEM HERE.
THAT'S RIGHT, BOY.
AND, YOU KNOW, IT TAUGHT ME THAT

THAT'S RIGHT, BOY.
AND, YOU KNOW, IT TAUGHT ME THAT
IN AN EMERGENCY... OVER THIS

AND, YOU KNOW, IT TAUGHT ME THAT
IN AN EMERGENCY... OVER THIS
WAY, HORACE.

IN AN EMERGENCY... OVER THIS
WAY, HORACE.
IN AN EMERGENCY, YOU KNOW, YOUR

WAY, HORACE.
IN AN EMERGENCY, YOU KNOW, YOUR
TRUE FRIENDS WILL LET YOU RIDE

IN AN EMERGENCY, YOU KNOW, YOUR
TRUE FRIENDS WILL LET YOU RIDE
THEM.

TRUE FRIENDS WILL LET YOU RIDE
THEM.
RIGHT, HORACE?

THEM.
RIGHT, HORACE?
YEAH, NO PROBLEM HERE.

RIGHT, HORACE?
YEAH, NO PROBLEM HERE.
OKAY, NOW, MOVE.

YEAH, NO PROBLEM HERE.
OKAY, NOW, MOVE.
HERE IS THIS WEEK'S HOME

OKAY, NOW, MOVE.
HERE IS THIS WEEK'S HOME
MOVIE.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]

Announcer: IF YOU HAVE A

SUPER 8 OR 16-MILLIMETER HOME

MOVIE APPROXIMATELY TWO MINUTES

IN LENGTH, SEND IT TO...

AND INCLUDE YOUR NAME AND

CURRENT ADDRESS.

THERE WILL BE NO MONETARY

COMPENSATION AT ALL.

NO!
IT'S OVER WITH SO QUICKLY.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

IT'S OVER WITH SO QUICKLY.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
I WANT TO THANK EVERYONE FOR

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
I WANT TO THANK EVERYONE FOR
REALLY AN INCREDIBLE WEEK.

I WANT TO THANK EVERYONE FOR
REALLY AN INCREDIBLE WEEK.
YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN SO WONDERFUL

REALLY AN INCREDIBLE WEEK.
YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN SO WONDERFUL
TO WORK WITH.

YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN SO WONDERFUL
TO WORK WITH.
I MEAN THAT.

TO WORK WITH.
I MEAN THAT.
AND THE WRITERS AND THE

I MEAN THAT.
AND THE WRITERS AND THE
PRODUCER... I'VE NEVER HAD A

AND THE WRITERS AND THE
PRODUCER... I'VE NEVER HAD A
BETTER TIME IN MY LIFE.

PRODUCER... I'VE NEVER HAD A
BETTER TIME IN MY LIFE.
IT WAS REALLY A FABULOUS WEEK.

BETTER TIME IN MY LIFE.
IT WAS REALLY A FABULOUS WEEK.
AND EVEN IF MY DREAM DIDN'T COME

IT WAS REALLY A FABULOUS WEEK.
AND EVEN IF MY DREAM DIDN'T COME
TRUE... I MEAN, I'VE STILL GOT

AND EVEN IF MY DREAM DIDN'T COME
TRUE... I MEAN, I'VE STILL GOT
THE NIGHT TO GO.

TRUE... I MEAN, I'VE STILL GOT
THE NIGHT TO GO.
I THOUGHT TONIGHT WAS GONNA BE

THE NIGHT TO GO.
I THOUGHT TONIGHT WAS GONNA BE
THE NIGHT, AND EVERYTHING ELSE

I THOUGHT TONIGHT WAS GONNA BE
THE NIGHT, AND EVERYTHING ELSE
HAS COME TRUE, EXCEPT FOR THE

THE NIGHT, AND EVERYTHING ELSE
HAS COME TRUE, EXCEPT FOR THE
GUY COMING OUT OF THE OCEAN,

HAS COME TRUE, EXCEPT FOR THE
GUY COMING OUT OF THE OCEAN,
WET, ON A WHITE HORSE.

GUY COMING OUT OF THE OCEAN,
WET, ON A WHITE HORSE.
I MEAN, YOU CAN'T HAVE

WET, ON A WHITE HORSE.
I MEAN, YOU CAN'T HAVE
EVERYTHING IN LIFE.

I MEAN, YOU CAN'T HAVE
EVERYTHING IN LIFE.
I'VE HAD EVERYTHING.

EVERYTHING IN LIFE.
I'VE HAD EVERYTHING.
[LAUGHING]

GOOD NIGHT!
BYE!
BYE-BYE!

BYE!
BYE-BYE!
SO LONG!

BYE-BYE!
SO LONG!
[BAND PLAYS]

Announcer: NEXT

"SATURDAY NIGHT," OUR HOST WILL

BE BUCK HENRY WITH GUEST

GORDON LIGHTFOOT.

THIS IS DON PARDO SAYING, "GOOD

NIGHT!"

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

I'VE BEEN IN BROADCASTING FOR...

NEVER MIND HOW MANY YEARS!

I HAVE TO GO HOME AND EXPLAIN

WHAT THIS SILLY THING IS ALL

ABOUT.

IT'S NONSENSE!

EVERY WEEK, I... WHAT?

WE'RE STILL ON?

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

THIS IS HARVEY HORSEFEATHER

SAYING, "GOOD NIGHT!"