Satisfaction (2014–2015): Season 1, Episode 7 - ...Through Terms and Conditions - full transcript
Neil struggles to meet a deadline at work while Grace and Anika visit a college.
Previously on Satisfaction...
Could you tell me your name again.
- Mallory.
- I wrote the algorithm.
The program determines what
you need to make you happy.
- You should've stayed.
- You were with someone, whatever.
She's just a friend, by the way.
I don't like this idea
of us working together.
You absolutely do need the money.
- Dylan, this is my sister Stephanie.
- Hi.
- You coming or what?
- Last chance.
[camera shutter clicks] Guess what.
I got a date with Dylan.
- Am I crazy?
- Yeah, that's crazy.
1x07 - ... Through Terms and Conditions
[glass breaks]
What was that?
[bang]
- [whispers] Neil, wait.
- Just...
What is ha...
Man: Renee, come back here!
Come back!
Woman: I'm sick and tired
of going through your stuff!
You give me back my computer!
Where you going with my computer?
- What?
- Come back here!
- No, I'm sick and tired...
- Renee, come back here now!
- Renee!
- You think I'm playing ar...
Give it to me.
Babe, come on, come on.
- She's just a friend.
- Again?
Yeah, but never as bad as this.
- Friends don't share genital pics.
- It was a joke!
You saw that. Those
aren't even my balls.
- Oh, come on!
- Oh...
Uuhhhh...
[both gasp]
- Have you lost your damn mind?
- I'll be at my sister's tonight.
- Renee, come back here.
- Oh-ho-ho!
- Come back here right now.
- We should go in.
- Let's go back inside.
- Babe! Babe, I'm sorry.
[water running]
- You think they're gonna get a divorce?
- Oh, I don't know.
- I'm glad we're not like that.
- Like what?
Like the kind of people
that destroy things.
Huh. I think the last time
we had an argument like that,
we were in our 20s,
and I can't even remember
- what it was about.
- You forgot my birthday.
Remember I threw your keys
across the parking lot?
A-hmm, that's right.
Well, but my point is that we, you know,
we don't have to have
those petty arguments
to solve our problems.
We just talk them through.
Mm-hmm.
- Don't we?
- Well, you never really want to talk.
- I try.
- Yeah, you do. You try.
You don't always want to talk.
- You don't always listen.
- Are you kidding me?
Okay, you know, I don't
want to fight right now.
- We're not fighting.
- Yes, we are.
- No, we're not.
- Okay, fine. We're not.
You always make it too strong.
♪ I can't get no ♪
♪ satisfaction ♪
♪ and I try and I try ♪
♪ and I try ♪
♪ and I try ♪
♪ but I can't get no ♪
♪ hey, hey, hey ♪
[phone chirps]
Hello.
Who?
Y-yes, this is Simon.
I'm sorry.
Where did you say we met?
[knock on door]
The Rouge Hotel.
No. No, that makes sense now.
I... I'm sorry. I'm gonna
call you back, okay?
- Are we really doing this again?
- You didn't have fun last time?
Fixing something.
How manly of you.
You don't wear one of those silly
costumes when you ride, do you?
I mean, I can understand if
you're in the Tour de France,
but getting all dressed
up in spandex shorts...
I thought we'd gone our separate ways.
- What can I do for you?
- We did. I just couldn't stay away.
I wanted to talk to you
about getting married.
[chuckles]
- Is this a proposal?
- Of a sort, yes. Rosalie.
I knew I had the right size.
What the hell is going on here?
It's, uh, it's beautiful.
- You really like it?
- Are you kidding?
Of course she does.
You love it, right?
I mean, you don't really
see a lot of me in it,
but, Grace,
your ass looks amazing.
I will take credit for that, because
I did introduce her to spinning.
No, but I get it, though, you know.
You take this abandoned space,
you make it feel human again.
Vulnerable. It's really powerful.
Yeah, that's it exactly.
So where you gonna hang it?
Like, here?
Oh, I don't know if I can, uh...
- Mm-hmm.
- No. You know what? I just...
I have to find the right space for it.
And I have to finish packing, so...
we're taking our daughter
on a college visit
- to Rand University.
- That's where she met Neil.
I actually played in a band
at that school all the time.
- The Key Strokes.
- The Key Strokes?
Oh, my god, can you get any cuter? Oh!
Oh, were you the lead singer?
Tell me yes!
I so would've been one of your groupies.
[giggles]
So, uh, Grace, you still need
me to let the pool guy in?
Yeah, Sunday morning.
Just tell him
the water level's always down.
Maybe there's a leak.
Great. And then, after he fixes it,
the pool party's on and poppin', right?
- Do you have that green juice you make?
- Yes, I do. In the fridge.
- Do you want some?
- No. I'm good. Thanks.
[chuckles]
So it must be weird, huh?
Daughter looking at colleges already.
No. It's exciting, actually.
I'm, uh, I'm really looking forward
- to going on the tour with her.
- It's crazy to think
we might've actually been at
that school at the same time.
I know. Maybe we even met.
No. I would've remembered you.
[pop music in background]
- Uh, can we stop for a second?
- Something wrong?
Uh, what are you, um...
I mean, what are... what are we...
[cell phone ringing]
Um... Oh.
_
Oh, sh... .
What'd you want to say?
[text chime]
_
I should go.
My mom doesn't hear from me soon,
she will probably call the cops.
Do you really think you're
gonna go to that college?
It's not that far.
If I end up going there...
we can still see each
other. Don't worry.
Anyways, it's not like
I'm going next year.
That wasn't what I meant.
Oh, I just mean we could
keep working together,
you know, on songs.
I wouldn't be that far.
But who cares?
It's not like we have to be
in the same room for that.
So I'll tex... or call
you when I get back
or text you, whatever.
[ringing]
- Wow, she's relentless.
- Uh...
Hey, have fun.
Happiness is elusive,
and if we want Victor onboard,
we have to show him where
the profit lies in this.
I can prepare some market
research this weekend.
No, this isn't about typical
market research, this is about...
[beep] Neil, I've got your
wife on line three.
All right, tell her
I'll be right there.
Um, look into happiness. Uh...
books, classes,
therapy, drugs, religion.
I think this is so
amazing, what you're doing.
We're all talking about it.
- I'll get you everything you need.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
[laughs]
Hey.
Hey. Where are you?
We wanted to beat traffic.
Yeah. Um...
look, something's come up.
Are you kidding me?
Neil, this is her first college visit.
And I told you that this
could be a bad weekend.
And I told you this
was the only weekend
we could do this, and you committed.
Victor is saying he'll pull
the project if I don't have
something by Monday, and I have
put so much work into this...
Okay, well, Victor
doesn't have kids, does he?
He doesn't know how important this is.
No, but he does sign my paychecks,
and without that, there is no college.
Look, I'm already on thin ice by
experimenting with product development.
If I fail...
- Can we reschedule?
- No, we can't reschedule.
These trips have to be
planned months in advance.
Damn it, Neil.
This is my job, Grace, all right?
I have to bring in an income.
[beep]
I've got Victor on line three, Neil.
I'm sorry.
I-I, uh, I don't mean to fight.
I can promise you I
will be there on Sunday.
Fine.
[beep]
Brown rice. Yeah.
Oh, and can you add an
extra egg roll? Thanks.
Um... credit card?
Number...
[call waiting beeps]
All right. You know what?
I'll just pay cash. Yeah.
All right, thank you.
[TV playing in background]
Hello.
Picked up. Wow.
- I can hear you breathing, Neil.
- Why are you calling me?
Uh, to pass along a
message from Mallory.
Who?
Heh. Yeah, right.
You know who.
I guess she was looking to recreate
that special evening you two had,
so I explained to her that you
were pinch-hitting that night
- and gave her your number.
- M-my personal number?
Hey, you want to live
the life, my friend,
you got to learn how
to handle your clients.
And if you want any
advice on how to really
impress her for the
second date, I usually...
[beep]
[phone thuds]
You're welcome.
[ringing]
[continues ringing]
[chime]
_
_
Man voice: Course catalogs are available
at the information table in the quad.
Catalogs are available
at the information table in the quad.
Hi. We're here to check
in for the tour. Truman.
Yes. Welcome to Rand, Trumans.
How was your first night in the dorms?
Oh, god, it's been a long time.
Were the beds always that small?
We've been protesting
those jailhouse conditions
since freshman year.
Administration won't budge...
but who sleeps in college, right?
Wah-wah.
[chuckles]
Anika, you are tour group "D."
You're gonna meet your group
at the statue of Walter Bayer
across the quad.
School's first president.
Ah, Walter Bayer... the
slave-owning bigot turned war hero.
You told me to research the
college before I got here.
- I researched.
- She's not wrong.
Oh, wow. We used to decorate
him every homecoming.
Do I have to wear a name tag?
- I really don't want to wear a name tag.
- I'm not gonna stop you.
Oh, all right, mom.
Uh, wait. I think
I'm coming with you.
The tour's for potential
incoming students only.
Oh, well, I used to be a student here.
- Mom.
- Okay, fine. Fine.
Hey, can you please just
take some pictures so I...
and text me when you're done?
[female voice] Good morning, Neil.
How can I make you happy today?
I want to be with my
family, so how can I
convince my bosses that
you are profitable quickly?
Here is a listing for six financial
service companies in your area.
Not exactly what I was asking for.
Hello?
You are three times more
productive at work tasks
after periods of rest or leisure.
Acts of service or
charity are also beneficial
as they foster a sense of self-worth,
releasing serotonin in the brain.
In other words, keep calm
and do something nice, Neil.
[mellow music]
You were right. That did feel good.
You had two calls.
I sent them right to voicemail
so you wouldn't be disturbed.
You sent them to voicemail?
Wait. You can do that?
Yes. Should I add
Mallory to your contacts?
Would you like to call her back?
All right, that should be enough. Yep.
- Now bury it.
- I think it's fried, man.
Oh, they say it takes,
like, one or two days.
Here, I'll take that.
- You got any beer?
- Yeah.
So, listen, man, I gotta ask.
- You and Renee...
- The last two beers?
Come on, it's Saturday afternoon.
- No kids, no wife. Let's make a run.
- I got some work to do.
Look, I know what you're
getting at, and, uh, sorry
about all the noise, but
that's just what it sounds like
- when things are going well with us.
- Going well?
All right.
You know that box you check
when you download something online?
Terms and conditions
and sh... you never read?
Well, in our relationship,
I have my own terms and conditions.
And when she married my
ass, she checked the box.
Now, when she violates
them, I let her know.
But don't get it twisted.
She does the same to me.
Yeah, but, I mean,
what does that have to do
with screaming at each other?
Means we still care.
I mean, I get jealous...
if she gets attention from other men
and she gets jealous if
I get it from other women.
- Isn't that a little...
- how long you been married?
'Cause you know.
Once you stop fighting
over the small things,
you stop caring.
Look, what you hear over
there, that isn't problems, man.
That's foreplay. [chuckles]
'Cause you know there's nothing better
than some make-up sex
after some good fighting.
Hi. I'm looking for the
design building, the...
Woman: A series of missed opportunities...
that's what college can be
if you don't take advantage
of all that a university
like Rand has to offer.
- _
- Okay, show of hands.
- _
- Who wants to get the most they can
- _
- out of college? [overlapping "yeahs"]
- _
- Perfect.
- _
- Next we're gonna take a tour of our library.
It's our oldest building
on campus, built in 1865.
Do your best to keep close
and keep your voices low.
Come on and follow me.
Uh...
What are you doing here?
Had to see if you were lying to me.
You were right. This isn't that far.
We can still see each
other and work on the music.
Heh. Right.
Hmm, the music.
You thought I just came all
the way up here just to see you?
Come on.
So what you been up to?
[low chatter]
It's really boring. [low chatter]
It feels really strange.
I'm not sure I can get used to this.
You should try
being married for real.
Not in your cards?
I don't know. Maybe.
If I found the right girl, fell in love.
That's no reason to get married.
Aren't you a hopeless romantic?
You know, not that long ago,
most civilized societies,
almost all societies, really, thought
marrying for love
was completely impractical.
- Keeps us in business, though.
- Speaking of business,
the only reason I agreed to do this
is because you offered me
five times my usual salary.
[laughs]
And you don't trust me?
Maybe you would make a good husband.
- Satisfied?
- We're here.
[industrial buzzers]
You know...
I can't wait to meet my wife now.
Hello, Lawrence. How
can I make you happy today?
- Man, this thing is trippy.
- It's a work-in-progress.
How's it supposed to make me happy?
Just give it a second
and see what it says.
This is the times article
I was telling you about.
40 years of happiness research
down to three simple steps.
- Huh.
- What about beer?
- Did you get us some beer?
- You know what?
I found some in the
garage. I put it on ice.
- You didn't bring me one.
- It appears your wife
has not responded to
your last seven emails,
- indicating a marital rift...
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Yeah, you know, you
give it your email address,
your social-media handles,
and it does the rest.
You should apologize.
[distant doorbell]
Oh, you're taking her side?
You know what?
I think I just heard
someone at the front door.
- Could you go and check?
- Sure.
Thank you.
I don't know, man.
My computer already makes me happy.
It's called porn.
Wasn't that the problem
in the first place?
Well, that's all a
matter of perspective.
- Hey, hey.
- Hey, Trent.
- Good to see you.
- Yep
Glad you could come.
- What are you doing here, man?
- I called him.
You know, I thought a
guy in your predicament
could do with some
time out with the boys.
Bunch of us are
meeting up at the bar.
- I'm your designated driver.
- Oh, man, you did this for me?
That's cool.
But I already made plans.
I mean, why go to a bar
when we can chill right here?
Oh, no, because I got to work.
Neil, this is Phil, Eric, and Steve.
[chuckles] No, that's Steve.
What's up? What's up, guys?
What's up?
What's up? All right.
The boys.
- Professor Merchant.
- Yes.
Hi. You probably don't remember me.
- I was one of your students...
- Grace. [laughs]
My eyes get worse with age,
but talent I never forget.
[clicks]
Turn around.
Vivian's husband
keeps getting younger.
Lucky her.
Oh, and a happy belated, Bill.
- You shouldn't have.
- He's all good.
All right. Let him go.
[buzzer]
Remember what I told you?
You mean that thing
about not falling in love?
I'm a professional. I
know how to play the part.
[buzzer]
[mechanism grinding]
[rock music]
- Can I talk to you?
- Great party, man.
- Last call.
- What? We just ordered pizza.
No. You call them back, you
tell them to take it next door.
I have work to do.
Seriously. Let everyone know.
Hey, guys...
[muffled music in background]
There you are. What are you doing?
Looking for this.
Dave brought imports.
- Pompous bastard.
- Good news and bad news.
Bad news is that's the last
of the beer. Good news is that
there's five pizzas on its
way to your house right now.
My house?
Fine. It's cool.
I'll gather the troops.
Yeah. Don't worry about
the clean-up. I got it.
What makes you think
I was worried about that?
[chuckles]
Okay, guys, we're wrapping it up.
Pizzas are next door.
They're getting delivered right now.
- Chick in the front is banging.
- Mm. Let me see.
That's a world of
warcraft body right there.
What are you doing, guys?
I thought I said that
everyone needs to just break...
- What is that?
- You tell us.
- I found it inside.
- What the hell? Grace?
That's his wife.
I wasn't sure what to wear.
Stephanie roped me into something
you're not gonna believe.
No, she told me she was
doing a photo shoot, but...
Didn't tell you that
she was getting naked
with a bunch of people in public?
- Okay, I'm sure there's an explanation.
- Yeah. She lied.
Probably thought you
were gonna be upset.
Sh... , if that was my wife and
she did that behind my back...
All right, everyone has to leave now.
Everyone has to go.
Everybody, everybody,
it's time to leave now!
It's like I'm watching my own life.
That's how I feel sometimes.
And when I was here studying with you,
I just could tap into
something that felt like me.
Now I have a kid going to college.
Just moves so fast.
It's like what happened?
Yeah. You said you
started working again?
Yes. I, um, I designed a lobby.
But they actually did a piece on it
in Design Image blog.
That's wonderful, Grace.
You told me to take
that fulbright in Italy.
- Do you remember?
- Oh, but you were in love.
Yeah. And we're still together.
I just... I wonder sometimes what...
what would've happened if...
Well, as I say to the freshmen
in my fundamentals class,
you can't always go back and fix,
but you can move forward and improve,
in design as it is in life.
Rand sponsors a mid... career fellowship
with the Design Institute of Milan.
There are several universities
and organizations involved,
so it's very competitive.
Candidates come by nomination only.
- Lucky for you, I'm on the board.
- Oh. That's great.
And I've nominated you.
- What? W-when?
- Mm, just now.
[both laugh]
- So, um, what do you want to play?
- Figured I'd start with
some chords, just make up
something as we went along.
[laughs] Funny.
What, just start singing?
I wouldn't even know what to say.
You will. We'll do it together.
You remember what I said
about taking a chance.
Why you think I drove all
the way out here to see you?
[humming]
♪ Risking everything is hard ♪
♪ I'm not supposed to want you ♪
♪ but here you are ♪
♪ stranger with paper and pen ♪
♪ a pretty rose ♪
♪ but with a stem
that wouldn't bend ♪
♪ a pretty girl all alone ♪
♪ with no guitar in hand ♪
♪ yeah, yeah ♪
♪ yeah, yeah ♪
♪ I know you ♪
♪ you know me ♪
♪ chasin' feelings, so it seems ♪
♪ you never let me down ♪
♪ or let me off the hook ♪
♪ one kiss was all it took ♪
♪ one kiss was all it took ♪
♪ I can't risk it all ♪
♪ but it's a risk worth taking ♪
♪ head or heart, I thought ♪
♪ which one to follow? ♪
♪ both are taken ♪
♪ yeah-eah ♪
♪ I can't risk it all ♪
♪ it's a risk worth taking ♪
♪ it's a risk worth takin' ♪
♪ we're a risk worth takin' ♪
♪ oh-oh-oh ♪
♪ we're a risk worth takin' ♪
You two lovebirds have an hour.
I'll be right outside.
Thanks, Shelley.
I, um, I really love what
you've done with the place.
- Yeah?
- Mm-hmm.
Well, it's gonna be home
for the next ten years,
so might as well feel like it.
[scoffs]
So, how does such a beautiful
woman like yourself end up here?
Ahem. Loyalty.
My husband, well, he embezzled
millions from his hedge fund.
I supported it, then I supported
him through court, and, um...
we both paid the price.
He's in a correctional
facility in Kansas.
- Sorry to hear that.
- I'd do it again...
in a heartbeat.
- You must really love him.
- Oh, from the moment we met.
He's the love of my life.
If I had to wait a hundred
years to see him again, I would.
Oh, I miss him so much.
Let me help you forget that.
[applause]
Thank you, everyone.
Feel free to show your appreciation.
[chuckles]
I made, like, a tenth of this
- when I tried to play outside.
- Know what that means?
We're better off as a team,
but I'm still carrying you, though,
all right? [chuckles]
So, should we celebrate?
I'm down.
Sex on the beach.
- Oh, no. I-I ordered, um, Chardonnay.
- Oh. Sorry.
It's okay. You know,
I used to work here,
like, 20 years ago
when I was in college?
It's nice. It hasn't changed.
You still have live music?
[soft pop music in background]
[rings]
_
__
When can I see you again?
- I guess that's up to Adriana.
- Actually, it's up to my husband.
He pays for these visits,
and I pay for his out of my account.
Did you guys...
with other people before
- No. No.
- when you were married?
Well, what's he gonna be
like when you see him again?
I don't understand.
If... if you love
each other that much...
We'll forgive each other.
When you sacrifice this
much to stay married,
- you have no choice.
- That doesn't sound like love.
Maybe not,
but it feels like it.
[knock on door]
Ahem.
How was the honeymoon?
Let's go. Time's up.
- What was your name again?
- I said, "let's go."
[door closes]
- Grace.
- Neil. Hi.
You're here. Hi.
Oh, my god.
Anika is gonna be so happy.
You're not gonna believe what happened.
I went to my old design
building, and I ran into
- my professor and...
- You lied to me.
- What?
- You lied to me.
- What? What...
- You took your clothes off
for someone else, and you
hid it from me like... like...
like I wouldn't find out?
- What are you talking about?
- You know what I'm talking about.
When... when, uh... how did you...
You didn't exactly
hide it very well, Grace.
Framed photo. You butt-naked.
- The photo, right.
- Yeah.
Dylan dropped it off yesterday,
- and I didn't get a chance...
- Who's Dylan?
Dylan's the photographer who
took the picture for the blog,
- and he asked Stephanie and I to model...
- A naked photo session
is something you and I
should've discussed, Grace.
Why?
So I could get your permission?
Yes.
- Are you serious?
- Yes, I'm serious.
I'm the only one that
should see you naked, Grace.
- Are you jealous?
- You're damn right I'm jealous.
You ever lie to me
like this again, I'll...
What are you gonna do?
I miss this.
[moaning and groaning echoing]
Damn. Did you down a
Red Bull or something?
Ha. I just... I'm glad you came.
- I missed you.
- It's only been 24 hours,
but I guess I do have
that effect sometimes.
You know, I think I throw
off a scent or something...
Shut up.
[laughs]
Whoa. Y-your parents.
My mom said she's
meeting some friends
at an old bar they used to go to,
and I've seen that woman
with wine and friends.
It's going to be a while.
- We don't have to.
- I want to.
Look... I was a dick the
other night at my apartment.
I didn't know how to
say it, what we are.
I like you a lot.
I want to be a thing,
you know, the two of us,
- if that's cool with you.
- Yeah.
Do you think we should get a motel?
Dad! I...
- Um, this is Mateo.
- Nice to meet you.
Dad, we were just
singing together, okay?
How old are you?
What does that have
to do with anything?
Are you a student here?
Did you just meet on the tour?
- No, Mrs. Truman.
- Then who the hell are you?
I'm her boyfriend.
All right. I bit my tongue
through all last night...
[door slams]
... and all through breakfast.
Can we deal with her now?
- Just don't get worked up.
- Our daughter snuck a boy into her room.
- How can I not be worked up?
- I'll talk to her.
It's young love. You do crazy things.
- We both did.
- She's a teenager.
Exactly. Surely you're
not so old you've forgotten
what that's like. Just
let's lie down for a bit.
It was a long drive, and I'm exhausted.
Hey, babe. Want me to
make us some breakfast?
- Uh, hi.
- Hi.
[tinny pop music]
- You have to plug it in first.
- Whoa. [laughs]
- What are you doing home?
- What are you doing in my house?
Well, I had to let the pool guy in,
so I figured I would,
you know, stay the night.
Looks like someone had a pool party
before I could.
Hey, look who's home early.
Yeah, I see that.
Um, Dylan, this is my
husband Neil. Neil, Dylan.
- Sorry for the surprise.
- No. I, uh...
It's okay.
Let me show you what
the pool guy showed me.
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.
You're the photographer.
Uh, yeah. You're...
you're the husband.
[bottles clink]
Yo. Didn't work.
I guess rice is only
good for weddings, huh?
- Well, it was worth a try.
- How you doing?
Good. Uh, Renee back yet?
Not yet. You keep your
windows shut, though,
'cause when she does come home, there's
gonna be some serious
make-up sex happening.
- Looking forward to it.
- Yes, sir.
- All right, man.
- All right.
[hammering]
- I don't like it there.
- Well, too bad.
This way, I get to see
your ass every morning.
- You really didn't have to do that.
- Mm, not enough for my taste.
What's wrong?
It's just that dorm bed we slept
in last night... shoebox like.
I don't know how we ever managed
to sleep in those in college.
Mm. Well, we just had to get close
and hold on.
Hmm.
Now I remember.
[cell phone rings]
[groans]
[Grace murmurs]
It's probably just Victor.
Wants to see my
progress on that project.
- [chime] _
- Spoon me.
Tell me how jealous you are again.
_
[chuckles]
[chime]
_
Could you tell me your name again.
- Mallory.
- I wrote the algorithm.
The program determines what
you need to make you happy.
- You should've stayed.
- You were with someone, whatever.
She's just a friend, by the way.
I don't like this idea
of us working together.
You absolutely do need the money.
- Dylan, this is my sister Stephanie.
- Hi.
- You coming or what?
- Last chance.
[camera shutter clicks] Guess what.
I got a date with Dylan.
- Am I crazy?
- Yeah, that's crazy.
1x07 - ... Through Terms and Conditions
[glass breaks]
What was that?
[bang]
- [whispers] Neil, wait.
- Just...
What is ha...
Man: Renee, come back here!
Come back!
Woman: I'm sick and tired
of going through your stuff!
You give me back my computer!
Where you going with my computer?
- What?
- Come back here!
- No, I'm sick and tired...
- Renee, come back here now!
- Renee!
- You think I'm playing ar...
Give it to me.
Babe, come on, come on.
- She's just a friend.
- Again?
Yeah, but never as bad as this.
- Friends don't share genital pics.
- It was a joke!
You saw that. Those
aren't even my balls.
- Oh, come on!
- Oh...
Uuhhhh...
[both gasp]
- Have you lost your damn mind?
- I'll be at my sister's tonight.
- Renee, come back here.
- Oh-ho-ho!
- Come back here right now.
- We should go in.
- Let's go back inside.
- Babe! Babe, I'm sorry.
[water running]
- You think they're gonna get a divorce?
- Oh, I don't know.
- I'm glad we're not like that.
- Like what?
Like the kind of people
that destroy things.
Huh. I think the last time
we had an argument like that,
we were in our 20s,
and I can't even remember
- what it was about.
- You forgot my birthday.
Remember I threw your keys
across the parking lot?
A-hmm, that's right.
Well, but my point is that we, you know,
we don't have to have
those petty arguments
to solve our problems.
We just talk them through.
Mm-hmm.
- Don't we?
- Well, you never really want to talk.
- I try.
- Yeah, you do. You try.
You don't always want to talk.
- You don't always listen.
- Are you kidding me?
Okay, you know, I don't
want to fight right now.
- We're not fighting.
- Yes, we are.
- No, we're not.
- Okay, fine. We're not.
You always make it too strong.
♪ I can't get no ♪
♪ satisfaction ♪
♪ and I try and I try ♪
♪ and I try ♪
♪ and I try ♪
♪ but I can't get no ♪
♪ hey, hey, hey ♪
[phone chirps]
Hello.
Who?
Y-yes, this is Simon.
I'm sorry.
Where did you say we met?
[knock on door]
The Rouge Hotel.
No. No, that makes sense now.
I... I'm sorry. I'm gonna
call you back, okay?
- Are we really doing this again?
- You didn't have fun last time?
Fixing something.
How manly of you.
You don't wear one of those silly
costumes when you ride, do you?
I mean, I can understand if
you're in the Tour de France,
but getting all dressed
up in spandex shorts...
I thought we'd gone our separate ways.
- What can I do for you?
- We did. I just couldn't stay away.
I wanted to talk to you
about getting married.
[chuckles]
- Is this a proposal?
- Of a sort, yes. Rosalie.
I knew I had the right size.
What the hell is going on here?
It's, uh, it's beautiful.
- You really like it?
- Are you kidding?
Of course she does.
You love it, right?
I mean, you don't really
see a lot of me in it,
but, Grace,
your ass looks amazing.
I will take credit for that, because
I did introduce her to spinning.
No, but I get it, though, you know.
You take this abandoned space,
you make it feel human again.
Vulnerable. It's really powerful.
Yeah, that's it exactly.
So where you gonna hang it?
Like, here?
Oh, I don't know if I can, uh...
- Mm-hmm.
- No. You know what? I just...
I have to find the right space for it.
And I have to finish packing, so...
we're taking our daughter
on a college visit
- to Rand University.
- That's where she met Neil.
I actually played in a band
at that school all the time.
- The Key Strokes.
- The Key Strokes?
Oh, my god, can you get any cuter? Oh!
Oh, were you the lead singer?
Tell me yes!
I so would've been one of your groupies.
[giggles]
So, uh, Grace, you still need
me to let the pool guy in?
Yeah, Sunday morning.
Just tell him
the water level's always down.
Maybe there's a leak.
Great. And then, after he fixes it,
the pool party's on and poppin', right?
- Do you have that green juice you make?
- Yes, I do. In the fridge.
- Do you want some?
- No. I'm good. Thanks.
[chuckles]
So it must be weird, huh?
Daughter looking at colleges already.
No. It's exciting, actually.
I'm, uh, I'm really looking forward
- to going on the tour with her.
- It's crazy to think
we might've actually been at
that school at the same time.
I know. Maybe we even met.
No. I would've remembered you.
[pop music in background]
- Uh, can we stop for a second?
- Something wrong?
Uh, what are you, um...
I mean, what are... what are we...
[cell phone ringing]
Um... Oh.
_
Oh, sh... .
What'd you want to say?
[text chime]
_
I should go.
My mom doesn't hear from me soon,
she will probably call the cops.
Do you really think you're
gonna go to that college?
It's not that far.
If I end up going there...
we can still see each
other. Don't worry.
Anyways, it's not like
I'm going next year.
That wasn't what I meant.
Oh, I just mean we could
keep working together,
you know, on songs.
I wouldn't be that far.
But who cares?
It's not like we have to be
in the same room for that.
So I'll tex... or call
you when I get back
or text you, whatever.
[ringing]
- Wow, she's relentless.
- Uh...
Hey, have fun.
Happiness is elusive,
and if we want Victor onboard,
we have to show him where
the profit lies in this.
I can prepare some market
research this weekend.
No, this isn't about typical
market research, this is about...
[beep] Neil, I've got your
wife on line three.
All right, tell her
I'll be right there.
Um, look into happiness. Uh...
books, classes,
therapy, drugs, religion.
I think this is so
amazing, what you're doing.
We're all talking about it.
- I'll get you everything you need.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
[laughs]
Hey.
Hey. Where are you?
We wanted to beat traffic.
Yeah. Um...
look, something's come up.
Are you kidding me?
Neil, this is her first college visit.
And I told you that this
could be a bad weekend.
And I told you this
was the only weekend
we could do this, and you committed.
Victor is saying he'll pull
the project if I don't have
something by Monday, and I have
put so much work into this...
Okay, well, Victor
doesn't have kids, does he?
He doesn't know how important this is.
No, but he does sign my paychecks,
and without that, there is no college.
Look, I'm already on thin ice by
experimenting with product development.
If I fail...
- Can we reschedule?
- No, we can't reschedule.
These trips have to be
planned months in advance.
Damn it, Neil.
This is my job, Grace, all right?
I have to bring in an income.
[beep]
I've got Victor on line three, Neil.
I'm sorry.
I-I, uh, I don't mean to fight.
I can promise you I
will be there on Sunday.
Fine.
[beep]
Brown rice. Yeah.
Oh, and can you add an
extra egg roll? Thanks.
Um... credit card?
Number...
[call waiting beeps]
All right. You know what?
I'll just pay cash. Yeah.
All right, thank you.
[TV playing in background]
Hello.
Picked up. Wow.
- I can hear you breathing, Neil.
- Why are you calling me?
Uh, to pass along a
message from Mallory.
Who?
Heh. Yeah, right.
You know who.
I guess she was looking to recreate
that special evening you two had,
so I explained to her that you
were pinch-hitting that night
- and gave her your number.
- M-my personal number?
Hey, you want to live
the life, my friend,
you got to learn how
to handle your clients.
And if you want any
advice on how to really
impress her for the
second date, I usually...
[beep]
[phone thuds]
You're welcome.
[ringing]
[continues ringing]
[chime]
_
_
Man voice: Course catalogs are available
at the information table in the quad.
Catalogs are available
at the information table in the quad.
Hi. We're here to check
in for the tour. Truman.
Yes. Welcome to Rand, Trumans.
How was your first night in the dorms?
Oh, god, it's been a long time.
Were the beds always that small?
We've been protesting
those jailhouse conditions
since freshman year.
Administration won't budge...
but who sleeps in college, right?
Wah-wah.
[chuckles]
Anika, you are tour group "D."
You're gonna meet your group
at the statue of Walter Bayer
across the quad.
School's first president.
Ah, Walter Bayer... the
slave-owning bigot turned war hero.
You told me to research the
college before I got here.
- I researched.
- She's not wrong.
Oh, wow. We used to decorate
him every homecoming.
Do I have to wear a name tag?
- I really don't want to wear a name tag.
- I'm not gonna stop you.
Oh, all right, mom.
Uh, wait. I think
I'm coming with you.
The tour's for potential
incoming students only.
Oh, well, I used to be a student here.
- Mom.
- Okay, fine. Fine.
Hey, can you please just
take some pictures so I...
and text me when you're done?
[female voice] Good morning, Neil.
How can I make you happy today?
I want to be with my
family, so how can I
convince my bosses that
you are profitable quickly?
Here is a listing for six financial
service companies in your area.
Not exactly what I was asking for.
Hello?
You are three times more
productive at work tasks
after periods of rest or leisure.
Acts of service or
charity are also beneficial
as they foster a sense of self-worth,
releasing serotonin in the brain.
In other words, keep calm
and do something nice, Neil.
[mellow music]
You were right. That did feel good.
You had two calls.
I sent them right to voicemail
so you wouldn't be disturbed.
You sent them to voicemail?
Wait. You can do that?
Yes. Should I add
Mallory to your contacts?
Would you like to call her back?
All right, that should be enough. Yep.
- Now bury it.
- I think it's fried, man.
Oh, they say it takes,
like, one or two days.
Here, I'll take that.
- You got any beer?
- Yeah.
So, listen, man, I gotta ask.
- You and Renee...
- The last two beers?
Come on, it's Saturday afternoon.
- No kids, no wife. Let's make a run.
- I got some work to do.
Look, I know what you're
getting at, and, uh, sorry
about all the noise, but
that's just what it sounds like
- when things are going well with us.
- Going well?
All right.
You know that box you check
when you download something online?
Terms and conditions
and sh... you never read?
Well, in our relationship,
I have my own terms and conditions.
And when she married my
ass, she checked the box.
Now, when she violates
them, I let her know.
But don't get it twisted.
She does the same to me.
Yeah, but, I mean,
what does that have to do
with screaming at each other?
Means we still care.
I mean, I get jealous...
if she gets attention from other men
and she gets jealous if
I get it from other women.
- Isn't that a little...
- how long you been married?
'Cause you know.
Once you stop fighting
over the small things,
you stop caring.
Look, what you hear over
there, that isn't problems, man.
That's foreplay. [chuckles]
'Cause you know there's nothing better
than some make-up sex
after some good fighting.
Hi. I'm looking for the
design building, the...
Woman: A series of missed opportunities...
that's what college can be
if you don't take advantage
of all that a university
like Rand has to offer.
- _
- Okay, show of hands.
- _
- Who wants to get the most they can
- _
- out of college? [overlapping "yeahs"]
- _
- Perfect.
- _
- Next we're gonna take a tour of our library.
It's our oldest building
on campus, built in 1865.
Do your best to keep close
and keep your voices low.
Come on and follow me.
Uh...
What are you doing here?
Had to see if you were lying to me.
You were right. This isn't that far.
We can still see each
other and work on the music.
Heh. Right.
Hmm, the music.
You thought I just came all
the way up here just to see you?
Come on.
So what you been up to?
[low chatter]
It's really boring. [low chatter]
It feels really strange.
I'm not sure I can get used to this.
You should try
being married for real.
Not in your cards?
I don't know. Maybe.
If I found the right girl, fell in love.
That's no reason to get married.
Aren't you a hopeless romantic?
You know, not that long ago,
most civilized societies,
almost all societies, really, thought
marrying for love
was completely impractical.
- Keeps us in business, though.
- Speaking of business,
the only reason I agreed to do this
is because you offered me
five times my usual salary.
[laughs]
And you don't trust me?
Maybe you would make a good husband.
- Satisfied?
- We're here.
[industrial buzzers]
You know...
I can't wait to meet my wife now.
Hello, Lawrence. How
can I make you happy today?
- Man, this thing is trippy.
- It's a work-in-progress.
How's it supposed to make me happy?
Just give it a second
and see what it says.
This is the times article
I was telling you about.
40 years of happiness research
down to three simple steps.
- Huh.
- What about beer?
- Did you get us some beer?
- You know what?
I found some in the
garage. I put it on ice.
- You didn't bring me one.
- It appears your wife
has not responded to
your last seven emails,
- indicating a marital rift...
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Yeah, you know, you
give it your email address,
your social-media handles,
and it does the rest.
You should apologize.
[distant doorbell]
Oh, you're taking her side?
You know what?
I think I just heard
someone at the front door.
- Could you go and check?
- Sure.
Thank you.
I don't know, man.
My computer already makes me happy.
It's called porn.
Wasn't that the problem
in the first place?
Well, that's all a
matter of perspective.
- Hey, hey.
- Hey, Trent.
- Good to see you.
- Yep
Glad you could come.
- What are you doing here, man?
- I called him.
You know, I thought a
guy in your predicament
could do with some
time out with the boys.
Bunch of us are
meeting up at the bar.
- I'm your designated driver.
- Oh, man, you did this for me?
That's cool.
But I already made plans.
I mean, why go to a bar
when we can chill right here?
Oh, no, because I got to work.
Neil, this is Phil, Eric, and Steve.
[chuckles] No, that's Steve.
What's up? What's up, guys?
What's up?
What's up? All right.
The boys.
- Professor Merchant.
- Yes.
Hi. You probably don't remember me.
- I was one of your students...
- Grace. [laughs]
My eyes get worse with age,
but talent I never forget.
[clicks]
Turn around.
Vivian's husband
keeps getting younger.
Lucky her.
Oh, and a happy belated, Bill.
- You shouldn't have.
- He's all good.
All right. Let him go.
[buzzer]
Remember what I told you?
You mean that thing
about not falling in love?
I'm a professional. I
know how to play the part.
[buzzer]
[mechanism grinding]
[rock music]
- Can I talk to you?
- Great party, man.
- Last call.
- What? We just ordered pizza.
No. You call them back, you
tell them to take it next door.
I have work to do.
Seriously. Let everyone know.
Hey, guys...
[muffled music in background]
There you are. What are you doing?
Looking for this.
Dave brought imports.
- Pompous bastard.
- Good news and bad news.
Bad news is that's the last
of the beer. Good news is that
there's five pizzas on its
way to your house right now.
My house?
Fine. It's cool.
I'll gather the troops.
Yeah. Don't worry about
the clean-up. I got it.
What makes you think
I was worried about that?
[chuckles]
Okay, guys, we're wrapping it up.
Pizzas are next door.
They're getting delivered right now.
- Chick in the front is banging.
- Mm. Let me see.
That's a world of
warcraft body right there.
What are you doing, guys?
I thought I said that
everyone needs to just break...
- What is that?
- You tell us.
- I found it inside.
- What the hell? Grace?
That's his wife.
I wasn't sure what to wear.
Stephanie roped me into something
you're not gonna believe.
No, she told me she was
doing a photo shoot, but...
Didn't tell you that
she was getting naked
with a bunch of people in public?
- Okay, I'm sure there's an explanation.
- Yeah. She lied.
Probably thought you
were gonna be upset.
Sh... , if that was my wife and
she did that behind my back...
All right, everyone has to leave now.
Everyone has to go.
Everybody, everybody,
it's time to leave now!
It's like I'm watching my own life.
That's how I feel sometimes.
And when I was here studying with you,
I just could tap into
something that felt like me.
Now I have a kid going to college.
Just moves so fast.
It's like what happened?
Yeah. You said you
started working again?
Yes. I, um, I designed a lobby.
But they actually did a piece on it
in Design Image blog.
That's wonderful, Grace.
You told me to take
that fulbright in Italy.
- Do you remember?
- Oh, but you were in love.
Yeah. And we're still together.
I just... I wonder sometimes what...
what would've happened if...
Well, as I say to the freshmen
in my fundamentals class,
you can't always go back and fix,
but you can move forward and improve,
in design as it is in life.
Rand sponsors a mid... career fellowship
with the Design Institute of Milan.
There are several universities
and organizations involved,
so it's very competitive.
Candidates come by nomination only.
- Lucky for you, I'm on the board.
- Oh. That's great.
And I've nominated you.
- What? W-when?
- Mm, just now.
[both laugh]
- So, um, what do you want to play?
- Figured I'd start with
some chords, just make up
something as we went along.
[laughs] Funny.
What, just start singing?
I wouldn't even know what to say.
You will. We'll do it together.
You remember what I said
about taking a chance.
Why you think I drove all
the way out here to see you?
[humming]
♪ Risking everything is hard ♪
♪ I'm not supposed to want you ♪
♪ but here you are ♪
♪ stranger with paper and pen ♪
♪ a pretty rose ♪
♪ but with a stem
that wouldn't bend ♪
♪ a pretty girl all alone ♪
♪ with no guitar in hand ♪
♪ yeah, yeah ♪
♪ yeah, yeah ♪
♪ I know you ♪
♪ you know me ♪
♪ chasin' feelings, so it seems ♪
♪ you never let me down ♪
♪ or let me off the hook ♪
♪ one kiss was all it took ♪
♪ one kiss was all it took ♪
♪ I can't risk it all ♪
♪ but it's a risk worth taking ♪
♪ head or heart, I thought ♪
♪ which one to follow? ♪
♪ both are taken ♪
♪ yeah-eah ♪
♪ I can't risk it all ♪
♪ it's a risk worth taking ♪
♪ it's a risk worth takin' ♪
♪ we're a risk worth takin' ♪
♪ oh-oh-oh ♪
♪ we're a risk worth takin' ♪
You two lovebirds have an hour.
I'll be right outside.
Thanks, Shelley.
I, um, I really love what
you've done with the place.
- Yeah?
- Mm-hmm.
Well, it's gonna be home
for the next ten years,
so might as well feel like it.
[scoffs]
So, how does such a beautiful
woman like yourself end up here?
Ahem. Loyalty.
My husband, well, he embezzled
millions from his hedge fund.
I supported it, then I supported
him through court, and, um...
we both paid the price.
He's in a correctional
facility in Kansas.
- Sorry to hear that.
- I'd do it again...
in a heartbeat.
- You must really love him.
- Oh, from the moment we met.
He's the love of my life.
If I had to wait a hundred
years to see him again, I would.
Oh, I miss him so much.
Let me help you forget that.
[applause]
Thank you, everyone.
Feel free to show your appreciation.
[chuckles]
I made, like, a tenth of this
- when I tried to play outside.
- Know what that means?
We're better off as a team,
but I'm still carrying you, though,
all right? [chuckles]
So, should we celebrate?
I'm down.
Sex on the beach.
- Oh, no. I-I ordered, um, Chardonnay.
- Oh. Sorry.
It's okay. You know,
I used to work here,
like, 20 years ago
when I was in college?
It's nice. It hasn't changed.
You still have live music?
[soft pop music in background]
[rings]
_
__
When can I see you again?
- I guess that's up to Adriana.
- Actually, it's up to my husband.
He pays for these visits,
and I pay for his out of my account.
Did you guys...
with other people before
- No. No.
- when you were married?
Well, what's he gonna be
like when you see him again?
I don't understand.
If... if you love
each other that much...
We'll forgive each other.
When you sacrifice this
much to stay married,
- you have no choice.
- That doesn't sound like love.
Maybe not,
but it feels like it.
[knock on door]
Ahem.
How was the honeymoon?
Let's go. Time's up.
- What was your name again?
- I said, "let's go."
[door closes]
- Grace.
- Neil. Hi.
You're here. Hi.
Oh, my god.
Anika is gonna be so happy.
You're not gonna believe what happened.
I went to my old design
building, and I ran into
- my professor and...
- You lied to me.
- What?
- You lied to me.
- What? What...
- You took your clothes off
for someone else, and you
hid it from me like... like...
like I wouldn't find out?
- What are you talking about?
- You know what I'm talking about.
When... when, uh... how did you...
You didn't exactly
hide it very well, Grace.
Framed photo. You butt-naked.
- The photo, right.
- Yeah.
Dylan dropped it off yesterday,
- and I didn't get a chance...
- Who's Dylan?
Dylan's the photographer who
took the picture for the blog,
- and he asked Stephanie and I to model...
- A naked photo session
is something you and I
should've discussed, Grace.
Why?
So I could get your permission?
Yes.
- Are you serious?
- Yes, I'm serious.
I'm the only one that
should see you naked, Grace.
- Are you jealous?
- You're damn right I'm jealous.
You ever lie to me
like this again, I'll...
What are you gonna do?
I miss this.
[moaning and groaning echoing]
Damn. Did you down a
Red Bull or something?
Ha. I just... I'm glad you came.
- I missed you.
- It's only been 24 hours,
but I guess I do have
that effect sometimes.
You know, I think I throw
off a scent or something...
Shut up.
[laughs]
Whoa. Y-your parents.
My mom said she's
meeting some friends
at an old bar they used to go to,
and I've seen that woman
with wine and friends.
It's going to be a while.
- We don't have to.
- I want to.
Look... I was a dick the
other night at my apartment.
I didn't know how to
say it, what we are.
I like you a lot.
I want to be a thing,
you know, the two of us,
- if that's cool with you.
- Yeah.
Do you think we should get a motel?
Dad! I...
- Um, this is Mateo.
- Nice to meet you.
Dad, we were just
singing together, okay?
How old are you?
What does that have
to do with anything?
Are you a student here?
Did you just meet on the tour?
- No, Mrs. Truman.
- Then who the hell are you?
I'm her boyfriend.
All right. I bit my tongue
through all last night...
[door slams]
... and all through breakfast.
Can we deal with her now?
- Just don't get worked up.
- Our daughter snuck a boy into her room.
- How can I not be worked up?
- I'll talk to her.
It's young love. You do crazy things.
- We both did.
- She's a teenager.
Exactly. Surely you're
not so old you've forgotten
what that's like. Just
let's lie down for a bit.
It was a long drive, and I'm exhausted.
Hey, babe. Want me to
make us some breakfast?
- Uh, hi.
- Hi.
[tinny pop music]
- You have to plug it in first.
- Whoa. [laughs]
- What are you doing home?
- What are you doing in my house?
Well, I had to let the pool guy in,
so I figured I would,
you know, stay the night.
Looks like someone had a pool party
before I could.
Hey, look who's home early.
Yeah, I see that.
Um, Dylan, this is my
husband Neil. Neil, Dylan.
- Sorry for the surprise.
- No. I, uh...
It's okay.
Let me show you what
the pool guy showed me.
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.
You're the photographer.
Uh, yeah. You're...
you're the husband.
[bottles clink]
Yo. Didn't work.
I guess rice is only
good for weddings, huh?
- Well, it was worth a try.
- How you doing?
Good. Uh, Renee back yet?
Not yet. You keep your
windows shut, though,
'cause when she does come home, there's
gonna be some serious
make-up sex happening.
- Looking forward to it.
- Yes, sir.
- All right, man.
- All right.
[hammering]
- I don't like it there.
- Well, too bad.
This way, I get to see
your ass every morning.
- You really didn't have to do that.
- Mm, not enough for my taste.
What's wrong?
It's just that dorm bed we slept
in last night... shoebox like.
I don't know how we ever managed
to sleep in those in college.
Mm. Well, we just had to get close
and hold on.
Hmm.
Now I remember.
[cell phone rings]
[groans]
[Grace murmurs]
It's probably just Victor.
Wants to see my
progress on that project.
- [chime] _
- Spoon me.
Tell me how jealous you are again.
_
[chuckles]
[chime]
_