Sanford and Son (1972–1977): Season 6, Episode 14 - Fred Meets Redd - full transcript

The fourth wall falls when Fred enters NBC's Redd Foxx look-alike contest and eagerly anticipates meeting his idol face to face.


Come on, Pop, let's go, okay?

Just slow down.

I can only write so fast.

Listen, if we had
started this last month

like we were supposed to,

we'd be finished by now.

Okay, one guitar bought for $6,

depreciated to 2, listed at 12,

we'll take 7, you got it?

Got it.

One guitar bought
for two dollars.

LAMONT: Six... Six dollars, Pop.

Six dollars. Six dollars.

Appreciated to... Depreciated!

Yeah, depreciated to 12.

Two. Two, Pop.

I give up!


Lamont gives up.

You know, I don't believe you.

And doesn't believe me.

Got it. Next.

Next, we going
to go to jail, Pop.

Marvin's coming over
here to do our taxes

and they got to be mailed in

no later than midnight tomorrow.

We got 10 days worth
of work to do in one.

Now, do me a favor. Try
and pay attention, okay?

I'm tired of paying attention,

and tired of paying taxes too.

Let me ask you a question.

What do we pay the
government that money for?

What for?

For... For security, Pop.

For defense.

Defense and security?

Do you see any
soldiers around here?

We were robbed twice last year.

Now, where were the soldiers?

Did the government give
us a refund on the robbery?

Come on, Pop.

Your tax money also
goes to poverty pockets.

And it comes from
poverty pockets

and winds up in
a lot of rich ones.


I'll get it. Come in!

Good day, good day.

Hello, Marvin.

Don't "hello" me,
I'm a very busy man.

I hope you got your
books are in order,

so I can take them home

and get the forms
for you to sign.

You kidding? Our books aren't
anywhere near being in order.

And they're not going
to be in order either,

because we don't intend to
pay any income tax this year.

Well, then you'll go to jail.

One guitar, $6.

Appreciated to $5.


You've got to put your mind
on the job we got to do here.

We've got about 30 hours
to get the inventory done,

you got to get your
profit and loss put down,

and your final balance
sheet worked out.

Then I'll put it
all in the tax form,

bring it in for you to sign.

Hey, Pop, listen to this.

It says, "Tomorrow at..."

Well, what is it?

Never mind, Pop,
it's not important.

It was a mistake.

Let's just get the tax forms...

"Tomorrow at" where? Uh.

Get your clipboard, Pop.

"Tomorrow at" who?

One old clock at, uh, $16.

You got that? MARVIN:
Sixteen dollars.

Give me this.

I'll look at it
myself. You try to...

"Tomorrow at noon,
at NBC in Studio 3,

"Redd Foxx will appear
in person to kick off

"the First Annual Redd
Foxx Look-Alike Contest

"to promote his new movie

Windows Are a
Pane in the Glass."

Hey, Lamont.

Hey, son.

Whoa, whoa, Pop.

Hey, no kidding, Redd
Foxx is going to be in person?


Redd Foxx is my idol.

I love... I love him.

I love the way he
spells his name

with two Ds and two Xs.

I wonder why he does that.

I don't know why he uses two Ds,

but I saw his nightclub act once

and I know why
they got all them Xs.

MARVIN: Say, Fred...

did you ever meet him in person?

No, but I always wanted to.

I heard he was so
sharp and debonair,

and charming and good-looking.

Well, then there won't
be any need for you

to enter the look-alike contest.

Are you kidding?

I mean, I happen to be
the spitting image of him.

I've often been stopped
on the street by people

who thought I was him
till they saw I was me.

Let's just get to work, okay?

Wait a minute, son. Now, listen.

Listen to this.

"The winner of the Redd
Foxx Look-Alike Contest

"will get two free
tickets to his movie,

"plus a free
weekend in Las Vegas

"as the guest of Redd Foxx,

plus $100 cash."

I'm going down there.
LAMONT: Oh, no, you're not.

Oh, yes, I am.
Oh, no, you're not.

Pop, you've got to
work to do around here.

We've got to get this income tax

filled out and in the
mail by tomorrow

or you're going to
get one free ticket

to Lompoc Prison,
guest of the warden,

and a thousand rocks in
the color of your choice.

I'm going to the contest, son.

And I'll work all night tonight.

But I'm going to enter that
contest and meet Redd Foxx.

Now, let's get to it.
Well, wait a minute, Fred.

I got a million
questions to ask you.

If you come around tomorrow,

pick me up, take
me to the contest,

and then you can ask me
all the questions you want.

Yeah, but... Yeah,
all right, then.

Wow, the time
of a lifetime, son.

The thrill of victory.
Meeting Redd Foxx.

Redd Foxx meeting
me, Fred G. Sanford.

The "G" stands for
"going to win that contest"

and "going to give the
government their geese."

Their what?

Pop, I can hardly keep
my eyes open, man.

Next year, we going
to do this differently.

I mean, look at it.
It's almost dawn.

I don't know how you're
still standing up, Pop.


What was that?

Oh, one hubcap,
depreciated to 2,

we want 7, we'll take 5.

Anybody want
it, we'll give it 3.

Come on, Pop, let's go to bed.

We've been up all night.


Pop! Uhh!


What, son? Let's
got to bed, man.

We've been up all night.
I can't go to bed, son.

Marvin's coming over
here, take me to NBC.

We got to have everything ready.

Pop, if you don't
get some sleep,

you're going to collapse, man.

No, I'm not. No, I'm not.

I'm wide-awake.

Oh, son, let's get as much
of this done as we can.

Now, look at this chair.

It must be worth something.

Look how comfortable it looks.

Look how comfortable it is.

Watch me go to sleep.

Now, look, Fred, you can't
list Bubba as a dependant.

Why not? He depends on
me for six free meals a week.

Put him down! I will
not put him down!

He cannot be a dependant.

Well, then put him
down as a charity.

No. A loss.


All right, then, make
it a medical expense.

Medical expense? Yeah.

Pain in the butt.

Are you here for

the Redd Foxx
Look-Alike Contest?

Oh, you noticed the
resemblance immediately.

I was talking to him.

Him? He don't
look like Redd Foxx.

I'm the one look like Redd Foxx.

Look at that. Take a good look.

I look like Redd Foxx?

I don't know. I've never
seen Mr. Foxx sickly.

How would you like
me to get a mirror

so you can see yourself ugly?

How would you like to
take a seat, big mouth?

How would you like
to take a walk, big...?

Oh, come on, come on, come on.

Fred? Fred! Wake up, Fred! Huh?

Wait a minute. Oh. Fred.

Oh, I thought I was
watching a tennis match.

Do you remember ever taking

any trips for business purposes?

Wait a second, Marv.

Say, listen, are you here
for the look-alike contest?

I certainly am.

Uh, you sure you
here for the right Foxx?

This is the Redd
one, not the silver one.

I can see that
you're the same color

as Mr. Foxx, but
you don't look like

his class at all.

You see, there's
a lot more to looks

than meets the eye.

There's a lot more to this
fist that can meet your eye.

WOMAN: All right.

Attention, please. Attention.

Sir, would you please sit down?

You heard her.
Everybody, sit down!

You're the only
one that's standing.

I talk, they listen.
Now I can sit down.

Do you remember taking
anyone out to dinner, entertaining,

for business purposes?

Yeah, I entertained
every customer

that came in my shop.

You do? Sure.


When they ask for the
price and I tell them,

they bust out laughing.

WOMAN: And now, here
is your panel of judges.

First of all, let's
meet and greet

Mr. Foxx's personal manager,

Mr. Harold Harrison.

Hey, Harold.

I bet you thought I
was Redd, didn't you?

I look just like him, don't I?

Look here, this is Redd
Foxx's famous sit-down.


And now, Mr... Big dummy.

And now, Mr. Foxx's
personal secretary,

the adorable Miss Doris Martin.

Uh, look, you care to sit down?

Here, look at my eyes, everybody
say I got Redd Foxx's eyes.

Look at my eyes.

I'll sit over here.

Another dummy.

And last, but not least,

that wonderful
star of nightclubs,

the star of that brilliant film

A Window is a Pane of the Glass,

the incomparable...
Mr. Redd Foxx.

Thank you, thank you.

Thank you, thank you.

Hello, hello, hello.

I'd like to say it's very
nice of you to come down

and I'm very flattered.

Who you trying to kid?
Who you trying to kid?

Look at me!

Hey, listen, that
ain't none of him.

Who they trying to kid?

Redd Foxx looks like me!

That guy's... Hey, you a fake!

You're a fake, fake, fake, fake!

F-A... Fake, fake, fake!

I wish you would,
I wish you would.

Man, I'd... You fake, you!

Oh, I can't believe this.

Oh. I feel like...

I feel like I'm
Alice in Dreamland.

Oh, come on.

Hey, put me down, Marvin.

Put me down. You
know I'm not... Hmm.

Well, neither am I.

But either I drag you in

or have to roll
you from the car.

Hey, how did you do, Pop?

Oh, it was great, son.

I met Redd Foxx
and I made the finals.

LAMONT: Finals?

What are you
talking about? Finals?

I thought there was just
one contest and that was it.

It is, son, but there's
finals in the contest.

See, a contest
is not just a test.

It's a con-test, see?

And part of the con
is the quarterfinals,

the semifinals then the finals.

You see, son, when
those contests is...

Marvin, what does all
that mean in terms of time?

Means he's got to
go back at 8:00 tonight

and read a scene from the
movie and be judged for the prize.

Eight o'clock? Are you kidding?

There's no way
he's able to do that.

We still haven't finished
the income tax thing.

He's going to kill himself.

He's going. Oh, he's
going get the big one.

He'll have a small heart attack

when he finds out the
IRS thing isn't filled up.

And when he doesn't win the
contest, he'll have the big one.

And if not that, he'll
die from exhaustion.

Well, anyhow, I got to go.
It's no business of mine.

But, look, I'll see you later.

Oh, incidentally, here's the
scene for him to memorize.

Oh, thanks a lot. Okay.

Come in! Come in. Look, relax.

Nobody's coming in.

That's Marvin leaving.

Well, stop him, son.

He got the scene I
got to read tonight at...

No, he doesn't. The contest.

Don't tell me he doesn't.

I mean, you stop arguing with me

and talking back to me.

I'm tired of that stuff.
Give me some respect.

If you wasn't 37 years old,

I'd take my belt off
and teach you a lesson.

You don't have a belt,
why don't you use this?

What is it?

Your scene for the contest.

Oh, I'm sorry, son.

It's all right, Pop.

Well, uh, it wasn't me talking.

I was just groggy.


I'm going outside.

FRED: I'm just a little groggy.

Listen, Fred, are you...?

Shh, shh!

want to help out.

Is everything marked?

Yeah, underneath.
Underneath, okay.



Huh? What time is it?

Seven. Seven?

I got to get going.

Don't "I got to get going" me!

You got to get going right here.

Now, this has got
to be finished, Pop,

and filled out and in
the mail by midnight.

But, son, I could win!

Pop, you can't win.

You don't look like Redd Foxx,

you don't sound like Redd Foxx

and you certainly
don't act like Redd Foxx.

I wish you could
act like Fred Sanford

and do your own work.

Son, please, I mean, this
could be a great chance

for me to just... To do more.

Pop, would you stop it?
Would you just stop it?

I always give in to you.

I always let you have your way.

Right or wrong,
I give in to you,

but I'm not going
to do it this time.

And don't look at me
with those cow eyes.

I'm right and you're
wrong and you know it.

Now, let's just
finish this tax, okay?

Listen, I'll help out
with the stuff in the yard.

Thanks a lot, Marvin.

Okay, now, let's go, Pop.

One old stove... One
old stove... [SNIFFS]

Just like me.

One old stove,
useless... no gas left...

all the burners running low...

stuck out here in this
junkyard for the rest of my life...

Bought... Bought for how much?

You didn't have a chance anyway.

Who are you going
to read the scene with?

You're not an actor.

But you could have
helped me with it.

Bought at how much?

Pop, we got to
finish this income tax.

But if it's a day late,
it would just be a fine.

And if I won the contest,

I'd have had the
money to pay the fine

Bought at how much?

All right, let's learn it.

LAMONT: We can get this.

This is easy.

We can get it, son. Yeah.

All the finalists here, dear?

Yes, they are, Mr. Foxx.

Please, please.

Now, you've been with
me for 10 years now.

It's not Mr. Foxx. It's Redd.

Redd. You got it, Doris?

That's Miss Martin, Redd!

Got it.

Are they all here?

All but Fred Sanford.

He called in and said

that he would be a little late.

Oh, that's the old gentleman

I met this afternoon, isn't it?

That's right, Mr. Foxx.

Poor man, worst set
of legs I've ever seen.

Sad case. Sad.

All right, now,
the first finalist,

Mr. Rob Baxter.

Uh, let's take a look at him.

How are you, Harry?

How you feel, Charlie?
How you doing?

CHARLIE: Oh, I'm just fine.

Say, have you heard from Joan?

last time I heard...

There he is, son! Redd Foxx.

There he is.

Hey, Pop, you were right, man.

He looks wealthy and healthy

and young and everything.

Didn't I tell you I
was his look-alike?

Yeah, you said that.

Say, listen to those guys.

We better than them, aren't we?

I don't know, Pop,

but we are going to
find out soon enough.

Very nice, thank
you. Is that it?

No. Mr. Sanford is here.

Well, all right, let's
see the old gentleman.

Let's get this over with.
I've got to get to Vegas.

Mr. Sanford, you're next.

Well, I'm ready to be
wrapped up and taken.

Be honest, uh... Be
honest, uh, Mr. Foxx.

Don't I look like you?

Oh, uh, I... We do,
uh... You and I...

All right, all right, then.

Don't be honest.

Yes, you do. You do.

Who is going to assist you
with your scene, Mr. Sanford?

My son, Lamont.

Oh, very well.

Are you ready, Mr. Foxx?

Uh, ready.

As soon as your
scene is completed,

Mr. Foxx, his manager and I

will select the winner

of the Redd Foxx
Look-Alike Contest.

Are you ready? Certainly.

Start, son. Proceed.

You sure you're not too tired?

Start, son. Okay.

I want to be fair

and on the up and up with you,

and I feel that it's
only fit and proper

that I tell you
that, uh, I've had

some, uh, previous
acting experience.

I'm not exactly an
amateur, you know.

Well, how very
nice of you to tell us.

And the next time

you want to tell us something,

wait until someone asks you.

Now, shall we begin?

DORIS: Please begin.

Thank you very much.

Now, you get
ready, son. All right.

Hello, son.

It's good to see you again

after all these years.

Thanks, Dad.

It's been a terribly
long, long separation.

I know, but these are the times.

I understand.

Dad? Huh?

Why did you run away from home?

Well, son...

I wanted more than
just to be a father

and a husband and... And stuff.

See, I wanted to
do my own thing.

And did you?


And what was your
own thing, Father?

Awnings. Awnings?


I always liked to make awnings.

Why? I like to hang them.


I like to hang them
over the window

at the YWCA.

The YWCA? That's for women.

And you still asking why?

Oh, Father, I am ashamed of you,

of what you are.

You had a chance to become
anything that you wanted to,

and you threw it away.

And just look at you now.

Look at you. I am
ashamed of you.

You've turned out to be nothing.

What have I done?

WOMAN: What have you done?


All you've done is
simplified things for me.

Take a look at your
father and Mr. Foxx.

WOMAN: Why, no two people
in this room could look more alike.

Since Mr. Foxx is asleep,

his manager and I
act as sole judges

and have no trouble
awarding your father

the winner of the Redd
Foxx Look-Alike Contest.

LAMONT: Hey, Pop, wake up!


Wake up, Pop, you won!

I won what?

You won the look-alike contest.

I won the contest?

Seventy-three... Well,
here you go, Marvin.

This should do it.

All right, I'll add it all up.

You think we're going
to make the deadline?

Well, I sure hope so.

Let me look at the last
page of this inventory.

Let's see, you've got a
bathtub and the old stove.

Wait a minute, hold it! What?

Well, there's one
thing missing here.

What are you talking about?

Well, that old thing
that's out in the yard.

You know, with
the decayed front,

the broken back
and the cracked face.

Son, open the door

and let your Aunt Esther in.

Well, where is he?

Who? Marvin, that's who.

We've been working
around the clock.

You'd think he'd have

those tax forms finished by now.

Pop, he said he'd be
finished by midnight

Now, just be a little patient.

All right. Then where is he?

Who? "Who?"




There. There he is now.



Come in!

Well, it's finally all done.

Okay, fellas,

sign right here
on the dotted line.

What's the magic number?

One hundred dollars.

Refund? Tax.

I don't get... You pay.

Where am I going to get $100?

Well, that's not the question.

Well, what's the question?

Where are you going to get $120?

Don't forget $20 is my fee.

Hey, Pop, you got the $100

from the Redd Foxx
Look-Alike Contest.

That'll cover our tax.

Well, that's all that
has to be covered

because I'm not paying Marvin.

He's a fraud and a failure.

If he was a good accountant,
he would've got us a refund.

Sorry, Marvin, but
that's the way it goes.

uh, I tell you, Fred,

if you don't want to
pay me, I'll just sue you

and I'll send you to jail.

I tell you, if you
haven't got the 20,

I'll take 10 on account.

Will you take five
across the lips?

LAMONT: Stop that.

We'll pay you,
Marvin. Don't worry.

Okay, thanks. All right, Marvin.

But, listen, Marvin,

next year, get us a tax shelter.

Tax shelter?

You can't use this
place as a tax shelter.


Because it's an animal shelter.

LAMONT: Why, you...