Sanford and Son (1972–1977): Season 5, Episode 8 - Donna Pops the Question - full transcript

After receiving a proposal from another man, Donna gives Fred one final chance to marry her.


Are you coming, Fred?

Yeah, I'll be right there.

Go ahead and deal them.

Well, I'm through
with the dishes.

Yeah, that looks
good. That's what I like.

You ready to play?


What we playing for?

How about a quarter a point?

Oh, let's go all the way.

Let's bet 50 cents a point.

Well, if you wanna
go all the way,

let's play for a dollar a point.

Well, if we're going that far,

let's play one hand
for $5.00 a point.

Well, since we're only
gonna play one hand,

let's go all the
way and back again

for $10 a point.

You got it.

You can say that again.

Sit down.

Yeah, thanks for inviting me

to have a seat in my own house.


Aah... Yes.

Why'd you do that?

I don't know. I just did it.

I mean, what
difference does it make?

You don't know
what the cards were,

and I don't know
what the cards were,

so, what difference
does it make?

You didn't trust me.

My best friend didn't trust me.

Now, wait a minute, Bubba.

I mean, it's silly
to act like that.

Yeah, you're right.

Why'd you do that?

No reason. What's in a seat?

Your brains.

You were sitting over
here a minute ago.

What's the difference, Fred?

You didn't know
what the cards were,

and I didn't know,

so, what's the difference?

Bubba... What, Fred?

I wanna apologize.

For what?

I wanna apologize to you

because I called
from in the kitchen,

said, "Go ahead and deal 'em."

I should have showed
you that I trusted you,

and the cards belong
where they were.

That's right.

What's the matter,
Bubba? You look sick.

Uh, no. Uh... something's funny.

Count your cards.

One, two, three, four,

five, six, seven,
eight, nine, 10...

One, two, three, four,

five, six, seven,
eight, nine, 10...

I got 10 too.

Tie game.

Now, I don't wanna play
with nobody that cheats!

Well, I gotta go anyway.


Where you going?

I got a date with a showgirl.

What show is she in?

She's not in a show.

She's a showgirl... She shows.

Well, go ahead, then, go.

Why are you so mad, anyway?

Because you gotta go,

and Grady can't come over,

and it's the third weekend
Lamont's been away.

Yeah? Where'd he go?

He went to Las Vegas
on that gypsy vacation.

That's nice.

No, it's not nice, either.

It's terrible.

Sitting here on the weekend,
all lonesome and lonely...

Why don't you call up Donna
and ask her to come over?

Because she knows Lamont's
gone away for the weekend,

and she ain't gonna
dare come over here,

and be alone with me.

Oh, Fred, you disappoint me.

What are you talking about?

Well, Donna's a nurse.


If you were really sick, she
could hardly turn you down.

But I'm not sick,
Bubba, I'm fine.

I mean, I feel good.
I'm in ship-shape.

I mean, I'm tip-top.

I mean, nothing wrong...

Yeah, Bubba, I'm... [COUGHS]

I know what you're
talking about, Bubba.

Oh, I gotta do this.

Oh... Oh.

Oh, nurse.

Yeah, yeah!


Come in, Mother.


Oh, just a second, Mother.


Hi. It's me, honey.

Oh, hi, Mel. Hi.

Come in.

Thank you.

I was expecting my mother. Oh?

She called from the hospital

and said she was
on her way over here.

Is she still working?

Yes, just a couple
of hours a week,

private nursing. Mm-hmm.

Looks like you're gonna
have dinner with her.

That's right.

Well, then in that case,

I don't have much
time then, do I?

What is it, Mel?

Well, let's see.

Just exactly how do I say this?

Well, first,

um, hold this for me a
moment, will you please?

Now, I, uh...

Go ahead, open the box, please.

Let's see now.

What is the best
way to say this?


Mel, there's a
diamond ring in here!

That's right.

I want you to put
that on your finger

and say you'll marry me.

Oh, Mel...

"Oh, Mel" is close, but
"Yes, Mel" is even better.

Mel, I can't say yes... yet.

Is there somebody else?

Mel, I honestly don't know.

I'm confused.

Oh, that's all
right... Really, it is.

Look, I know you've
been seeing Fred Sanford,

and he's enough
to confuse anybody.

You'll always have him
on your mind, Donna,

and that's why I
decided to propose.

I want you,

and I'm asking
you to decide now.

Can you give me till
tomorrow morning?

Tomorrow morning?


All right.


Oh, Mel... Yes?

You forgot your ring.

No, no, no.

You keep it overnight.

Get accustomed to it...

because... I love you, Donna.


Hurry up, Fred. I got to go.

I'll be right down.

I want your opinion
on something.

Well, come on, then.

Do I look sick enough?

You always look sick enough.

Is that what you
want me here for?

No, I want you...

I want you to tell me which
voice I should use. Listen.

[BREATHY] "Donna, can
you come right over, honey?

I think this is it."

Not bad. See you later, Fred.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Where you going?

Seemed like you'd be
anxious to stay here and help.

Seemed like you'd
wanna be here with me.


Seemed like you'd wait
till I answer the phone.




Now? Us?




Was that Donna?

Oh... my dream come true.

Donna just said she's
coming over here alone,

and... And she's
gonna be with me,

in the dark with the
lights out, just me and her,

with the light turned
out, and me turned on.

Man, I can't wait to see this.

This is gonna be heaven.

Bubba. What?

Get the hell out of here.

Out, out.



Methinks I hear
the sound of love

on yon doormat!

Come in, fair maiden.

You're not the fair maiden.

You're the ugly dragon.

What are you doing
here, Esther, anyway?

I came to see my nephew.

Well, he ain't here.

He's up there in Las Vegas
playing that dice game

that they named after your face.

Watch it, sucker.


Oh, Donna, Donna.

Come on in, darling.

Uh, excuse the mess.
She was just leaving.

Oh, my, look how nice
everything is prepared.

Was that for you and me, Fred,

or was that for you and
Esther before I called?

No, honey, that
was for you and I

because Esther already ate.

How do you know?

Because feeding
time at the zoo is at 2.


Don't touch me.

Do you mind leaving
Fred and me alone?

Yeah, yeah, listen
to what she tell you.

Begone, witch.

I will not be thrown
out of this house.

Well, then wait in the cellar.

You ain't got no cellar.

Well, get down on
thou knees and digeth.

You digeth?

You old heathen.

I'm leaving, but not
because you asked me.

I'm leaving

because I refuse to
remain in the same house

with a heathen and a she-then.

Well, Donna.

Here we are, just
like you wanted us,

alone... Just the six of us.

Me and you, and our four lips.

Fred, Fred, I wanna talk to you.

Oh, well, let me give you
something to talk about.

Fred, I have something
pressing to discuss.

"Pressing" is what
I'm talking about.

Fred, please.

I aim to.

I intend to talk about marriage.

Where is it?

Where's what?

My hearing aid. I
think I'm going deaf.

Fred, I'm serious.

You delirious?

You can say that again.

Fred, do you ever
intend to marry me?

Pretend to carry me?

Intend to marry me!

Defend two parakeets?

Oh, all right.

If you want to be
foolish, be foolish.

No, no, wait a minute.
Wait a minute, Donna.

You can talk. I'll listen.

I promise. I promise.

Anything you want
to say, I promise,

but first, just a little kiss,

and then a little
dinner, and a little wine,

and a little kiss, and
then a little dinner,

and another kiss,
and then Monday,

I'll listen to anything
you want to talk about,

but we start it with a kiss.



I'll listen to you.

I'll listen to you.
Come on, sit down.

Fred... do you know Mel Davis?

Yeah, I know him.
He's the ex-judge.

Yes. Well, he asked
me to marry him.


I'd like to have been
there to see his face

when you told him
to go jump in the lake.

I didn't tell him to
go jump in the lake.

Dive in a pool?


Kiss a hospital mop?


You didn't say yes?

I didn't say no.

But you didn't say yes?

I didn't say yes,

but I didn't say no, either.

I told him I would let
him know tomorrow.

Oh, well, you shouldn't
have stringed the man along.

You're too nice for that.

Why don't you call
him on the phone

and tell him your
answer is "no"?

I'll call him for you.
I know the number.

Fred, I didn't decide no.

I talked it over with my mother,

and, uh, well...

if you never intend to marry me,

I have to think about my future.

My answer to Mel depends
on your answer to me.

Do you intend to marry me?

Uh, but, Donna... Fred.

A simple yes or no.

Donna, that's the
hardest thing in the world,

is a simple yes or no.

I'll make it simpler
for you, then.

How about a simple "yes"?

Well, uh... All right.

How about a simple "no"?

Uh... you're getting warmer.

I see.

Well, wait a minute, Donna.

Wait a minute?

Does that mean you are asking me

to marry you?

No, it don't mean I'm trying

to ask you to marry me... Shh.

I understand, Fred.

Goodbye, dear.

Oh, but Donna... Wait a minute.

Wait a minute, Donna.

Donna, wait a minute.
Let me talk to you.


I'm gonna lose her.

Remember this
picture of us, Elizabeth?

We took it at the
carnival in St. Louis,

ol' Grand and McClean.

We were both...

We got behind some
headless gorillas,


And... And we stuck
our head in there,

and he took the picture,

and you showed Esther
the picture, and she said,

"Girl, how'd you
get up enough nerve

to pose next to
a whole gorilla?"

She was funny that day.

She was even funnier when
she running down the block

with my shoe stuck in her dress.

Yeah, we sure had some
good times, Elizabeth.

Sure had some good...

You used to always say,

"Life is so short,
just go and enjoy it."

I knew you meant you
wanted us to enjoy it together,

but all of a sudden...

you were gone.



Gosh, you were
pretty here, honey.

Remember how you
used to always get mad

when I'd sing in your ear
when I was dancing with you,

and you'd always say you
didn't know what was worse,

my singing or my mustache.

But you did like one song,

and I used to sing it
every time I looked at you.

♪ So worth The yearning for ♪

♪ So swell To keep
every home fire... ♪


♪ Burning for ♪

♪ We'd be so grand at the game ♪

♪ So carefree together It
does seem a shame... ♪♪

[TEARFULLY] I'm just
lonesome, Elizabeth, lonesome...

And I met this girl,
and I like her, and...

If I'm gonna be happy,

I'm gonna have to
ask her to marry me.

She won't be, like,
taking your place, honey.

She... She'll be more
like taking your space.

You don't mind,
do you, Elizabeth?

Is it all right?

Is it, huh?

I thought you'd
feel about it like that.

To you, honey. To you.

Because you're oh,
so easy... to love.

Hey, Donna.

It's me. I know you're
up there. Come on down.

I'm gonna give you to 10,

or else I'm coming up
there and getting you.

One, two, three...

All right, Donna, come on now.

I'm gonna count up to 20.

One, two...

You could count to
100 if you knew how.

It wouldn't do you any good.

She's not home.

Well, where is
she? I don't know,

and if I did, I
wouldn't tell you.

Why do you talk to me like that?

I like you.

Since when?

Since I found this was
"Be Kind to Buzzard Week."

You're the lowest, Fred Sanford.

You're lower than a
man. You're not a man.

You're a weasel, a snake, a...

If I'm a snake and a weasel,

then you're a wonderful
woman, my dear.

Yeah, who could argue with you,
as bright and lovely as you are?

That's very nice, Fred.


No, don't be taken
in by him, Donna.

He's up to no good. Mother.

Donna, I have
something to tell you.

I mean, I have
something to say to you.

Something I want to ask you.

If you would just ask
your darling mother

to leave us alone
for a few minutes.

All right, Fred.

Please, Mother.
But, Donna, he's...

Mother... please?

All right, but do watch
him every minute.

I see "liar" written
all over him.

No, you don't.

I got "Mother" tattooed
over my stomach. Look...

Oh! Oh! Oh...

Say, listen.

Hey, Donna, I wanna
ask you, where were you?

I mean, how did I get
here before you did?

I had a stop to make.

Oh? What is it, Fred?


I don't want to get
into your personal life

or nothing like that, you know,

but I just was
concerned about you.

Oh, Fred. That's very nice.

Oh, I can tell you where I was.

I was over at Mel's.

And you told him
about your visit with me?

Yes, I did, and I
told him you said no.

But, Donna... Fred...

Don't be sorry
about what you said.

You said the truth.

You simply told me how you felt.

Well, Donna, honey...

But after I left you, I realized

that no matter what you said,

as long as I felt about
you the way that I do,

no matter what
you felt about me,

I shouldn't marry another man.


It was wrong of me to
base my answer to Mel

on your answer to me.

I realized that I simply
don't love Mel enough

to marry him,

so I told him I
wouldn't marry him.

You told him "no"?

I told him "no."

Now... what is it you
wanted to tell me?

Well... Well, see...
I wanted to tell you

that if you were
getting married,

I wanted to give
you my best regards,

and good luck in your marriage,

and that if you were
getting married tomorrow,

I couldn't be there because...

I think this is it.

I mean, I... I should
be home in bed.


That's what I'm going to do.

I'm gonna go home and
get into bed right now.

Oh, I feel so bad.

Oh, if Lamont was just home,

I wouldn't be lonesome.

Fred, Fred, I'm
coming to be with you.

Huh? Mother.

MOTHER: I heard, I heard.

I'm going to spend
the night with Fred.

No, you're not.

Mother, he's very ill, and
he may need nursing care.

I'll spend the night with him.


Okay, okay. Thank you, Mother.

You're welcome.

I feel better now.

Well, I guess I'll have
to give Mel his ring back.

It is beautiful,
though, isn't it, Fred?

Oh, it's all right,

but when I make up
my mind to marry you,

I'm gonna give you a ring...

Oh, Fred, when is that gonna be?

I'll give you a ring.

Come back here.