Sanford and Son (1972–1977): Season 5, Episode 7 - Della, Della, Della - full transcript

When two competing politicians each seek to use Fred's junkyard for a campaign headquarters, Della Reese appeals to Fred to stand by her man.


Here we go, Bob.

Thanks, Lamont.

Let's get this thing
taken care of right here.

I think we're taking care of it.

Hey, son.

Oh, hey, Pop.

What were you doing there?

I'm putting up a
campaign poster.

Pop, I'd like for you
to meet Bob Williams.

Hello, Mr. Sanford.

I don't shake nobody's hands.

Hey, that's you, ain't it?

That's right, sir.

And what... are you
through nailing on my table?

Yes, I am.

Uh, do you mind, Mr. Sanford?

Oh, no, not at all.

Thank you, sir.

Not at all.

You see, that's
why I'm in business.

Let me have this here.

Let's see. One table, $20.

And, uh, four nails
at 10 cents apiece...

We'll make that a
nice, round figure.

Hey, Pop, Bob is
running for Congress

and I'm helping him
with his campaign.

Son, I don't care if he's
running for President.

Now, y'all just put
four holes in my table.

It's my table too, Pop,

and I told him he can have it.

You're donating our table
to a political candidate?

That's right.

Well, didn't you learn
anything from Watergate?

Didn't you learn nothing at all?

Didn't you read that chapter

about campaign irregularities?

Would you stop?

If you want to stop
campaign irregularities,

here's what you gotta do.

Take back the table,

give him a tablespoon
full of castor oil,

and let him run for his office.

Listen, son, I'm telling you,

You cannot give

political candidates presents.

Uh, Mr. Sanford...
I'm not talking to you!

It's candidates and
politicians like you

that have soiled America.

You've ruined everything

that our forefathers and
foremothers worked for.

You ought to be
ashamed of yourself.

Now, get off my property.

Here's $20 for your table.

Thank you very much
and good luck in November.

Just wait right here, Bob,
and I'll go get your $20.

No, Lamont. Please, man.

Then that would put the
table in a category of a gift,

and your father would be right.

Well, that's not right, Bob,

because the table's
not leaving the yard,

so it's not a gift.

Right, we're gonna keep it here

and use it as our
sub-campaign office.

Yeah, well, you just lay there,

and I'll get your 20, all right?

Thanks, Lamont.

Hey, Pop, listen...

I don't want to
hear nothing at all.

Yeah, but listen, man.

I feel that Bob
Williams is a good man.

He's one of us, man.
He's for the people.

And it would be to your benefit,
just as much as it is to mine,

to get the brother in Congress.

The brother needs support.

Buy him a Living Bra.

Don't you have any
sense of civic pride?

Certainly, I do.

Well, then what's wrong
with letting Bob Williams

use our junkyard
as a campaign site?

What this neighborhood
doesn't need

is another campaign

It needs a junkyard!

As long I got breath in my
body and strength in my arms

and love in my heart
for my fellow man,

I'm gonna give them junk.

That's wonderful, Mr. Sanford.

Told you I didn't
shake nobody's hand,

didn't I?

Now I understand your point,

and I am pleased

to have heard it and the
eloquent, yes, eloquent

manner in which
you have expressed it.

I'm only sorry for my
own thoughtlessness, sir.


Wait a minute.


What's that?

That table wasn't
worth no 20 bucks.

Here, put that in your pocket,

and take the table.

Thank you, sir.

You don't shake hands.


See you later, Lamont.

That was a great
thing you just did, Pop.

Sometimes, you surprise me.

Well, I'm not too old to
realize when I'm wrong.

Well, I never thought

you'd give him that $20 back.

I didn't.

I gave him a buck.


Someone's knocking at the door.

Yes, I know.

Well, answer the door.

Why should I?

If there's somebody
knocking at that door,

they probably want to see
the people whose house this is.

I'm not such a people.

I don't have any say around here

as to what table
gets given to who,

or who campaigns where,

so this is obviously
not my house.

I do not live in this house.

Would you like to die here?


Thirty-five years doing nothing.

Hello, Fred.

Don't tell me nothing
about nothing going wrong

over at Sanford Arms.

Nothing's going wrong
over at Sanford Arms.

It's not? No.

The roof's not leaking?


And the wallpaper's not peeling?


And the pipes haven't
backed up? No.

George, I'm gonna
have to raise your rent.

Hah hah!

"Hah-hah," hell.

I'm not laughing. I mean that.

Look, Fred, I couldn't
help overhearing

what you said in the yard today.

Oh, you mean when the
"Speaker of the House"

kicked out Bob Williams.

Right, and I'm glad
you're campaigning

for John Ross instead.

Who's John Ross?

He's running against Williams.

Listen, Hutch, I'm
not supporting anyone.

I'm running a junkyard,
not a convention center.

Well, what you got
to do with it, Hutch?

My probation officer suggested

that I get more
involved in politics.

That's as it should be,

because politicians are
getting more involved

with their probation officers.

George, what's on your mind?

The same thing that was
on Bob Williams' mind,

to use this place as a
campaign headquarters,

only for John Ross.

How much?

Let me put it this way...

Mr. Ross has no budget
for campaign headquarters.

Well, since you put it that way,

let me put it this way...

You can leave that way.

Fred, maybe you should
speak to one of my coworkers,

who's better at this than me.

Speak to your coworker?

Well, how about
the fifth of never?

That convenient?

I'll tell her to stop by.

Good. Wait a
minute, wait a minute.

Did you say, "Tell her?"

I said "Her".

FRED: Is it a pretty her?

GEORGE: She certainly is.

Well, that changes

the whole complexion
of the matter now.

See, what I was... You see?

All he has to do
is mention a girl,

and you go for that, man.

That's what your
political ideals

are all about.

You don't care anything
about government, or politics,

or community
service, or ecology.

Just bring on the girls.

I'll vote for that.

Hey, listen, Hutch.

Tell me more about this her.

Well, I think you've
seen her, Fred.

It's Della Reese.

Oh, come on. Della Reese.

Della Reese is my niece.

If Della Reese is your niece,
Attila the Hun is my son.

Well, I'll tell her to
stop by tomorrow.

Okay, tomorrow.

You lying...


All right. I'm coming.


Come on in, come on in.


I'm Della Reese.

Della, Della, Della!

I mean, Miss Reese.

That's all right,
That's all right.

You can call me
Della, Della, Della.

And you can call me
whenever you want to.

I'll come!

Can I call you Fred?


Did you hear that, Elizabeth?

Della called me Fred.

Uh, honey, can you find

something to do
for a couple hours?

Della and I have some
business to talk over.

Come right in.
Have a little sit-down.

Thank you.

Excuse me, my strange attire.

You see, since my wife passed,

I have to be both a
father and a mother

to my son.

Oh, that's just wonderful.

Yeah? You think so?


Well, I've been thinking
seriously of remarrying

so my son can have the warmth
of a mother around the house.

Well, that sounds
wonderful and right.

Yeah? Certainly.

Well, would you
like a small wedding

or something big and fancy here?

You're wonderful, Fred, and
I love your sense of humor.

There's just one
thing I want to ask you.

Is George Hutton your uncle?

Yes, he is,

and we're both
campaigning for John Ross.


Well, he's a great man.

I think he'll make a
wonderful congressman,

and I'd like to do all I can
to help get him elected.

So you want to use my place
here for campaign headquarters?

Yes. Is that possible?

Well, I've already
said no to your uncle.

Well, I understood that,
but I thought maybe if...

Well, no, see, my no is
a no, and my yes is a yes.

Well, I can understand that.


Well, wait a minute.

My yes could be a maybe if
your maybe could be a yes.

I don't understand, Fred.

Well, see, if I say
yes, will that mean...

Will that mean... you'll
be coming around...


Well, yes, I would
be in and out.

Our main headquarters is at
the Hollywood Diplomat Hotel,

where I'm performing,

but I would be dividing my
time between here and there.

I see... So, what is
your answer, Fred?


The answer's yes.

You can bring

your pennants and your stickers,

and your placards,
and telephones,

anything you want.

Well, that's great.

One condition.

What is that?

If you see a tall fella with
a big, thick mustache...

Yes... Telling people
he's my son... Yes...

Don't you believe
him, because he's lying,

so call the police and
have him locked up.

Well, who is he?

Attila the Hun.

Hey, son.

Look, I fixed your
favorite dinner...

potatoes, onion rings,

steak, and string beans.

You did it, didn't you?

Sure, and them string
beans are just right.

I don't mean that.

I mean this. What?

You sold yourself out
to vote for this John Ross

all because of
whoever "her" was.

Listen, son...

No, Pop, listen.
I... No stories.

I'm your son.

Now, just tell me honestly.

Now, did a woman come
over here this afternoon?

Well... Honestly.


And did she work for John Ross?

Uh, well... Honestly.


And did she convince you to
let John Ross use this place

as his campaign headquarters?




Well, I don't know
why you did it, Pop,

but at least you're honest.

I never lied to you.

It was Della Reese.


Why don't you just
stop making up stories?

No, son, I swear.

Della and I were standing
over there by the door

with an apron on.

Della Reese in an
apron? Come on.

No. I had on the apron.

Why don't you just stop it?

I swear, son, she
looked up at me

with them big,
beautiful brown eyes

and all I could
think of was yes.

I'll see you later, Pop.

But you didn't eat your dinner

I'll go over and eat at Rollo's.

You didn't say that.

I can't stay here.

I could have understood it, Pop,

if it hadn't been
something as important

as a congressional election.

And I'll admit that John
Ross isn't a bad candidate,

but you're voting for
him for the wrong reason,

all because of some woman.

Not some woman. Della Reese!

I don't want to talk about it.

You said yourself

that John Ross
wasn't a bad fellow.

Yeah, but you didn't take
the time to find that out.

You just sold yourself
out and your son

because of some pretty face.

It wasn't just some pretty face.

It was Della Reese's pretty
face and the rest of her.

Well, even if I am crazy enough

to believe that Della
Reese was here,

it was still wrong, Pop.


Pick one candidate,
I lose my son.

Pick the other one,

and Della might not
come back no more.

Torn. I don't know what to do.

I know my s...
Della over here...

She's so nice.

But my son...

I think I'm gonna
stick with my son,

because I don't know if
Della can drive a truck.

♪ Feel like it's time... ♪♪

Marvin, it's right there.

It's something about that
chord. I just don't like that.

Try this, Della.

♪ Feel like it's time... ♪

♪ Feel like it's time ♪

What did you do?

I moved up half a step.

Well, let's just do that

all the way through
the beginning.


♪ Feel like... ♪

♪ It's time ♪

♪ Feel like it's time ♪

♪ Feel like it's time ♪

♪ Feel like it's time... ♪

♪ To ease on down ♪

♪ Ease on down the road ♪

♪ Ease on down Ease
on down the road ♪

♪ Now, don't you carry nothing ♪

♪ 'Cause that might
be A heavy load ♪

♪ You can just ease on
down Ease on down the road ♪

♪ I said ♪

♪ Just ease on down
Ease on down the road ♪

♪ Watch you say
We ease on down ♪

♪ Ease on down the road ♪

♪ Oh, now don't
you Carry nothing ♪

♪ 'Cause that might
be A heavy load ♪

♪ Just want to ease on
down Ease on down the road ♪

First verse.

♪ Now, there may come a time ♪

♪ When you think
You've lost your mind ♪

♪ Because every step you take ♪

♪ Leaves you Three,
four steps behind ♪

♪ But just keep right on moving
On the road that you choose ♪

♪ Don't give up walking ♪

♪ Because you
ain't got No shoes ♪

♪ Just ease on down
Ease on down the road ♪

♪ I say you can ease on
down Ease on down the road ♪

♪ Now, don't you Carry nothing ♪

♪ That might be a heavy load ♪

♪ Just ease on down
Ease on down the road ♪

♪ Pick your left foot up ♪

♪ When you put
Your right foot down ♪

♪ Just keep movin' Now,
don't lose no ground ♪

♪ I admit right now ♪

♪ We're having Some
very hard times ♪

♪ But you just
Keep on steppin' ♪

♪ Everything's
Gonna be just fine ♪

♪ Just ease on down ♪

♪ Ease on down the road ♪

♪ I say you can Ease on down ♪

♪ Ease on down the road ♪

♪ Now, don't you Carry nothing ♪

♪ That's gonna be A heavy load ♪

♪ Just ease on down
Ease on down the road ♪

One more chorus, Marvin.

♪ I say ease on down
Ease on down the road ♪

♪ Ease on down Ease
on down the road ♪

♪ Now, don't you carry nothing
That might be a heavy load ♪

♪ Ease on down, Ease on down ♪

♪ Ease on down Ease on down ♪

♪ Ease on down ♪

♪ Ease on down the road... ♪♪

All right, Fred!

All right.

Ah, Della, let me
ask you a question?

Of course.

Now, I don't have no good voice,

and I don't have no
terrible voice either,

and all my friends tell me...

I want to ask you,

do I remind you
of Billy Eckstein?

Only when you
mentioned his name.

What are you doing here, Fred?

Well, I came down
here to tell you

that you and my son are both

on different sides
of the political coin,

and he's ahead
of you two to one.

I don't understand, Fred.

Well, see, you're
supporting Ross,

and he's supporting
Williams and me.

I still don't understand, Fred.

Well, see, when he leaves
to go to work in the morning,

I'll be watching...

I'll be sitting on the couch,

or something like that,
and what-what, see...


Why're you taking
all that stuff down?

Well, son, I thought
about what you said,

and it made a lot of sense.


Yeah, and I want you
to know I'm proud of you

for being
interested in politics.

Well, I'm proud of you too, Pop,

especially since you
probably lost the friendship

of whoever she was.

Oh, what does that
make a difference about?

One thing don't have
nothing to do with the other.

That's the way I feel too.
Hey, let's have some dinner.

Okay, I'll fix you something.

No, no, no, you sit
down here and relax.

I'll fix it. Really?

Well, you fix what you want to.

Now, you know I'm
not fussy. I know.

I like my French-fried
potatoes real crisp.

I like my steak
medium-well on the rare side

and rare-to-medium
on the well side.


Look, Pop, I gotta tell you.

I know why you lied
about Della Reese.

I want to apologize for
being so hard on you.

Listen, it don't make
no difference, son.

Don't apologize when you
do something that's right.

Now, don't back off
now. Stick to your guns.


That's the way I like
to hear my old man talk.

I'll get that. I'll get it.

Oh, Hutch. Come on in.

Hi, Fred. Hey, Lamont.

Have you met my niece?

Della Reese!

And you must be Attila the Hun.

Uh, no, it's my son, Lamont.

Hi, Fred.

Hello, honey. Good to see you.

See? I told you I knew her.

Hey, I can hardly
believe it, man.

You wasn't lying.

That was Della Reese.

It still is, honey.

Fred, Uncle George is
taking me out to dinner,

and I thought maybe
you'd like to come along.

How about it, Fred?

No, see, Lamont was just
gonna throw on a few steaks.

Why don't you join us?

Oh, Pop, we don't...

We only have
enough food for two.

Oh, I apologize, Della.

You know, my son
had promised to cook,

and it'd be a shame
to leave him here

to eat alone.

Hey, Pop, you don't...
You don't have to do that.

Yes, I did.

Uh, Hutch, enjoy my steak.

Come on, Della,
we'll be late for dinner.

Let's ease on down...

♪ Ease on down Ease
on down the road ♪

Hey, son.

Hey, Pop, you're back.


You waited up for your father

to return from his big date?

Yeah, tell me all about it.

Well, son, first,

we went to this
fancy restaurant.


And we split a B.L.T.
and a root beer float.

That fancy, huh? Yeah, fancy.

Then we walked up Hollywood
Boulevard, arm in arm.

Della Reese and me, arm in arm.

Her arms were
folded like this...

and mine were
folded like this...

arm in arm.

That sounds good.

Then what'd you do?

Then we went by that
famous Chinese theater.

You know, where the stars' got

their names and
feetprints and handprints

in the cement. Right.

That's where I
took her, there, see,

because that was that
show business stuff.

Well, that makes sense to me.

Then I told her I was thinking

about dropping into
show business and stuff.

I'd get in in a minute,
because I dance,

and I just move... And sing.

Sing, yeah.

Right there, you
know what I did?

Sang "If I Didn't Care."

♪ And would I be sure... ♪

I know the song.

I sang that.

Did two choruses and a reprise.

And she left?

No, she didn't leave.

She told me that I
had as much talent

as anyone that
had his handprints

and name in the cement.

She said I shouldn't
wait any longer

to show people what I can do.

She said that?

Yeah, she said... and she said,

look, tomorrow, for me to
go get a bunch of cement

and stick my mouth in it.

Okay. How do you like that.

I mean, this woman,
she just loves me.

She just... Oh,
Della, Della, Della!

♪ And would I be
sure That this is love ♪

♪ Beyond compare? ♪♪

What is this?

What does it look like?

Have you eyes and see not?

Have you brains but think not?

Have you mouth that talk not?

What is this?

My campaign poster. I'm
running for congressman.

Pop, it's too late

to file a petition
to run for congress.

You'll never get on the ballot.

I don't want to
get on the ballot.

I'm running as a
right-hand candidate.


Right on.

Pop, what do you
know about politics?

Everything. I've
been studying, son.

And I know a lot more
than I thought I knew.

Go ahead, ask me something.

All right.

What would you do
about the oil situation?

I'd let it slide.

Come on, Pop.

That's right, that's right.

I think we're putting
too much stress on oil,

and not enough on vinegar.

Okay, well, what
do you think about...

What do you think about
wheat sales to Russia?

I think all sales to
Communist countries

should take place
in the evening.


Because I believe in... ♪
Red sails in the sunset ♪♪

Okay, now tell me,

what are some of the issues
that you feel strongly about?

Well, I'm in favor of gay power.

Is that right?

That's right.

And if elected,

I'm gonna do
everything in my power

to get Marvin Gaye to
sing in the White House.

You're ridiculous.
You know that?

No, I'm not, son. I'm serious.

Now, look, it's time

there was someone in Washington

who came from the people.

Someone with something to say

about capital punishment.

What do you know
about capital punishment?

Plenty. Plenty.
I'm in favor of it.

I think they should punish
everybody in the capital.

Well, as a congressman,
would you keep Kissinger?

Keep kissing who?

Kissinger, Pop. The
Secretary of State.

Oh, her.


Oh, him. Yeah. He's all right.

Pop, you know, I
really don't think

you're qualified to
break into politics.

Yes, I am, son, and I'm running.

Well, good luck.

Wait, wait, wait.
What are you doing?

Hey, wait a minute.
What are you doing?

What are you...

You want to run,
Pop? You want to run?

Run some place else.

This is a junkyard,
not a convention center.

The people in this neighborhood
don't need politicians, Pop.

They need junk, and
I'm gonna tell you,

as long as I've got
strength in my body,

I am going to give them junk.