Sanford and Son (1972–1977): Season 5, Episode 10 - Sanford and Rising Son - full transcript

Fred and Ah Chew team up and turn the Sanford home into a Japanese restaurant.




Oh, hi, Mr. Simpson.


I was just out in the yard
taking some inventory.

Right. Okay. Yeah, I know.

Oh, no.

I see. Yeah.

Well, listen, don't...

Listen, son, I've
got some new ideas

about that Simpson deal.

Would you be quiet?
I'm on the phone.

Right, Mr. Simpson. Mmph.

Well, I'll come over there
the first thing tomorrow

and we'll settle
the whole thing.

We'll wrap the deal

Very good. Okay, goodbye.

Hey, Pop... Shh,
shh. I'm on the TV.

This is that movie

where Dracula
sucks Wolfman's neck

and gets hair on his tongue.


What'd you do that for?

Because it's dinnertime, Pop,

and I've got a surprise
for you in the kitchen.

Oh, I love surprises. All right.

Listen. Give me
a hint. What is it?

Okay, I'll tell you this.

It's something that
you would ordinarily

have to travel
thousands of miles to get.

No kidding!

That's right.

Oh, hi, Mr. Sanford.

This the surprise?

Asian flu?

Hey, Pop, what kind of
way is that to talk, man?

Especially since Ah Chew
came all the way over here

just to cook dinner
for us tonight.

Who are you supposed to
be, the Galloping Kamikaze?

No, man.

Mr. Sanford, I've had
dinner here so often,

that I just figured it'd be
nice if I cooked for you once.

The way to a man's heart is
through his stomach, right?

Yeah, and the way to the street

is use your feet.

Hey, Pop, I want you
to try some of this, man.

Where's your curiosity?

Remember that old saying,
"Curiosity killed the cat"?

I'm not sure he's dead.

I think Ah Chew is hiding
him under this sauce.

That's enough.

Now, just sit down over
here and be cool, all right?

Yeah, I'll eat my chips.

AH CHEW: Well, have it your way,

Mr. Sanford,

but I think you're gonna
miss a great meal here, man.

These recipes all been
handed down by my family.

Well, I make it a practice
never to eat hand-me-downs.

Here, Lamont.

Sure you won't have
some, Mr. Sanford?

It's better than teriyaki,
sukiyaki, kushiyaki...

No, I'll just stick with
these Granny Goosie-yakis.

Hey, you know, this
is good chow, Chew.

Yeah, man, I gotta admit, I
even outdid myself this time.

Yeah, you know what
that stuff looks like?

Low tide in Long Beach.

Say, you know,

it don't smell too bad, though.

In fact, it smells good.

Hey, would any of
you guys like to trade

some of these chips
for a tiny bit of that stuff?



Mm... This is not bad.

Matter of fact, it's good.

What do you call it?

I call it "Far-Out Food
From The Far East."

Hey, you like it, huh, Pop?

I like it today,

but tomorrow I might
have sukiyaki seizure.

Hey, man, why don't you
just come on out and admit it?

Ah Chew is a good cook.

Okay. I admit it.

Ah Chew, you're a good cook.

You know, that's the first time

I've ever heard you

give anybody an
honest compliment.

Shut up, dummy.

Say, Ah Chew,

where'd you learn
how to cook like this?

Well, see, my family

considers cooking an
art form, like painting.

Oh, so you can
take the leftovers

and hang them on the wall?

Yeah, judging from
the size of this pot,

you must have been
from a pretty big family.

Oh, yeah, big, man.

I mean, that's my
problem, Lamont.

All the recipes I know
are for 50 people at a time.

Well, this is better

than any Japanese
food I've ever eaten.

Aw, thank you, man, but,
really, what am I gonna do

with all them
leftovers in the pot?

Sell 'em.

Oh, sure. What's he gonna do?

Take out an ad in the
classified under "Used Food"?

Wait a minute, Mr. Sanford.
You got something there.

Must've just got on here.

No, I mean, see,

I've checked out all the prices

at the other
Japanese restaurants,

and I can make the same food

for about half of
what it costs them.

Really? Yeah, man.

If my kitchen were bigger,
I could make a fortune.

200 bucks a week,
at least, clear.

200 bucks a week, clear? Yeah.

Ah Chew, I see a kitchen in
your fortune cookie, cookie.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about

Ah Chew cooking right
here in our beautiful kitchen.

Wait a minute.

Yeah... I mean,
a take-out place.

All we gotta do is
put an ad in the paper.

Hey, wait a minute.

Now, I'm in the junk
business, not the food business.

I mean, it's a good dream,

but I don't think
it's gonna work.

I could handle the cooking end,

and with your brains,

you could handle
the business end.

Him run the business end?

How would you like to be
on the business end of this?

What about it,
Mr. Sanford? Partners?

Partners. All right.

Okay, if you guys
want to fool around

with this restaurant business,

just go right ahead.

I'm in the junk business, and
I don't need you to help me,

because you just get in the way.

Well, that's fair.

You take the junk road,
and I'll take the food road.

And we'll have a
Toyota before ya.

Don't worry, Mr. Sanford.

It's only 5:00.

We'll get a call soon. Relax.

Relax? I am relaxed. I'm
calm and cool as a cucumber.


That's our first customer!

I'll get it.

Hey, Bubba. Hi, Ah Chew.

Hi, Fred. Hello, Bubba.

Hey, listen, you guys,

I gotta go check
things in the kitchen.

I'll see you in a bit.

Okay. All right,
Fred. Where is it?

Where's what?

My free fountain
pen and balloon.

They always give that stuff
away at a grand opening.

Bubba, the only grand
opening around here

is between your ears.

Oh, Fred.

Sit down.

Hey, Fred, what
about them baseballs?

What about 'em?


Don't cook tonight,
call Sanford Delight.

Yes. You saw our ad
in the paper? Wonderful.

One teriyaki.

All right. And Mr. Thompson?

All right.

Ought to be ready
in 10 minutes. Bye.

Fred, I've really
gotta hand it to you...

You know, Bubba,
running a restaurant

is demanding work.

You gotta have energy,
be full of pep, get-up-and-go.

Yeah... Ah Chew,
here's the first order!



You deserve a break today,

so come on and
eat your heart away

with this rice I got.

What? One order of rice,

one kushiyaki, and
an Oriental Express.

Thank you, Mr. Walker.

Be ready in 10 minutes. Bye.

Hey, Fred, what's
an Oriental Express?

I don't know, Bubba,
but Ah Chew said

it makes you feel
loose in the caboose.

Ah Chew.


You know, Fred,

all this talk about food
is making me hungry.

Really? What'll you have?

Oh, I'll have a rack of
ribs and some greens.

Bubba, this is a
Japanese restaurant.

Oh. Then give me a burrito.

Bubba, how much
is five and five?


It's also your I.Q.


Hello, Fred's Derby,

where the stars meet and eat.

All right.

Two tempura... All
right, Mr. Gonzales.

Be ready in 10 minutes.


Ah Chew?



Fred, you're really
rolling. I'm proud of you.

Yeah, you know,
it's satisfying, Bubba,

when you get involved in
something that's creative

and you don't have
to ask nobody else

to help you do nothing.



Get that door for me, Bubba.

Hi. Hi.

I'm Mr. Thompson.


I'm here to pick up my order.

It's Mr. Thompson,
here for his pick-up.

Ah Chew!

Yeah, I hear you.

All right, then.

Here you are, Mr. Thompson.

That'll be six bucks.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Come again.

Look at that, Ah Chew.

Our first six bucks.

All right.

This is a memorable
moment. It sure is.

You know, we Japanese

have a proverb for
moments like this, man.

It goes, um... [SPEAKS JAPANESE]


Will you shut up?

What did you say?

I said, give my
three bucks, man!



That must be the Walker order.

I got it.

Well, hi.

We're the Walkers.

I believe your order'll
be ready in a minute.

We're late for the
movies and in a little hurry.

I was wondering,
could we eat here?

Why, sure. Come right in.

My name is Fred G. Sanford,

The G is for Guadalcanal,

and this is my
friend, Bubba, here.

He's visiting us... from Tokyo.

Yeah, he's got to go
catch his plane now.

Uh, goodbye, Bubba. What?

See, he don't even
understand English too good,

so sometimes I have
to use sign language.

All right, all right.

Bye, Fred.

Bye. Come right in.

Listen, you can sit right here

and you can eat
off the coffee table.

Thank you. After you, Mother.

Mr. Sanford, did you know
you have a hole in your sofa?

Well, sit down. You'll cover it.

Well, good night, Mr. Sanford.

I must say,

that was the best
Japanese dinner

I have ever eaten.

Thank you.

Goodbye, Mr. Sanford.


Hey, Ah Chew?

Yeah? Come on out.

Lookit here, Ah Chew.

Our first... Look
at that... 28 bucks.

All right!

25-cent tip they left me.

25 cent. Them cheapos.

You know, there's an
old Japanese saying...

Listen, please,

don't start nothing about
no Japanese saying.

Just take the money.

All right. Here's your money.

Not a bad night, Mr. Sanford.

No, Ah Chew, we're cleaning up!

Uh-uh, wrong.

You're cleaning up. I'm
doing the cooking, remember?

Hey, listen, Ah Chew.

You know, the Walkers
loved your cooking so much,

I've got an idea.


That's the Gonzales order.

The Gonzales order...

Give it here. Gonzales order.

Better be moving.

Hey, Pop... Oh, son.

I didn't know you
know the Gonzales'.

You come to pick
up their order, huh?

Very funny.

Wait a minute. You'll
crimp the shrimp.

Look, I want to
talk to both of you.

Now, I've got a lot of big
business deals coming up

including that Simpson deal,

and I cannot afford
to have people

running in and out of
this place all the time.

Listen, son...

It's just about
time that you guys

closed this take-out restaurant.

Okay, we'll close the
take-out restaurant.

Oh, but...

Good. I figured one day
was all you guys could take.

And we're gonna open up

a full-fledged
Japanese restaurant.

You're what?

You're standing in
the main dining room

of the newest Japanese
restaurant in Watts.

What's it called?

Sanford and Rising Sun!


Hey, Mr. Sanford, hurry up.

We're gonna open in 10 minutes!

FRED: I'll be down in a minute!

Hey, Bubba, you're gonna
make a good-looking waiter.

Thanks, Ah Chew. Yeah.

Hey, the place looks nice.

Yeah, this ain't bad for
three days' work, huh?

Wow, Hutch.

You're the best-looking
doorman I ever seen, man.

Yeah, well, after Fred
put that big ad in the paper,

I wanted to look the best.

Where is the head man?

All right!

All right, tell the
truth. Am I a maitre d'?

Yeah, Fred, you look great.

And if the restaurant
don't work out,

we can always follow you when
we go to invade El Segundo.

If you don't shut up,

I'm gonna cut off
some of your el rotundo.

Get over there and line up.

Line up?

Line up over there.

I got to inspect you guys

so I'll see you'll be sharp

when the guests get here.

Ah Chew, stick out that chest!

Bubba, pull in that stomach.

I just did.

And you, Hutch,
you just park the cars.

Now, any questions?

Just one.


I don't know how to drive.

Don't drive! Just park 'em.

Hey, Mr. Sanford?

Listen, I'm gonna go
check things in the kitchen.

Go ahead.

Hey, Bubba.

Yeah? This is a
fancy restaurant.

You got to greet the
customers with style and class.

Gotcha, Fred. Good.


Greetings, oh,
stylish and classy

eating persons.

I am Bubba, your humid servant.

Humble, humble.

Good evening, Mr. Sanford.

We enjoyed your food so much,

we came back and
brought our friends.

Oh, that's so delightful
to hear you say that,

my two favorite customers.

There's always a
place for you here.

Thank you, Mr. Sanford.

Do you have reservations?

No, we don't.


You ain't got no car, either.

Shut up, Bubba. Come
on in. Come on in, folks.

Rush right in.

Listen, we have
a little disturbance

in the neighborhood.

Hey, Fred!


Come here!

What are you screaming for?

I just wanna tell you something.

I told you, class!

Yeah, but look, we're
short one set of chopsticks.

That ain't nothing to
scream about, Bubba.

Class. Show a little class.

Here are the chopsticks.

And, listen, serve the
food over the left shoulder.

All right, Fred.

Hey, son. Not bad, huh?

Please, Pop, I've been
working hard all day,

getting out that Simpson order.

But I...

Look. I don't want
to hear about it.

Just stay away from me.

I'm very tired and I'm
going to bed, okay?

But listen, son...

What was that?

Hey, you didn't let Hutch
park the truck, did you?

I don't even care anymore.

I'm just going
to bed, all right?

You don't have to
go to upstairs, son.

Why don't you just
stay down here?

Everybody wants
you to stay down here.

Listen, I don't care
if he does call it

the Tokyo Terrace Towers,

you're not eating in my bedroom!

Yeah, we did it, Mr. Sanford.

The restaurant's a hit.

We're making
money hand over foot.

Yeah, and Lamont
said it couldn't be done.

We sure fooled him.

Excuse me.

Are you the owners
of this restaurant?


And you're the guy that
goes around restaurants,

rating them, and
you thought our food

was nice and delicious and fresh

and you're gonna
give us four stars!

No, no. I'm Inspector Logan.


Someone died from
sukiyaki seizure.

Gentlemen, I'm from
the health department,

and I'm here to make sure
that your new restaurant

meets the health codes
established in this city.

Like what?

First, for openers,
the law states

that this restaurant
should provide

separate bathroom
facilities for men and women.

We got that.

Sir, it just won't do
to have one bathroom

with a sign that says,
"First come, first served."

Well, okay, okay, I'll...
I'll add another bathroom.

Sir, I'm afraid there's
more than that.

There're not enough
exits, the ventilation is poor,

and the dishwasher
is no good at all.

Hey, man, I do the best I can.

Sir, the law requires that
all dishes must be washed

at a temperature of no less
than 180 degrees Fahrenheit.

That's okay, Ah Chew.

From now on, you can wash
the dishes inside the oven.


Sir, at first glance, I can see

there are at least
seven other violations.

How about eight?

How's that? Bribery. Here.

Put this 10 in your pocket,
man. Forget about this.

Oh, sir, I'm sorry,

but here's your citation.

This restaurant must
be closed immediately

until these violations
are corrected.

Oh, you can't do that.

Give us a break... brother.

Come here.

Look. This is a war veteran.

Sir, this place, I suggest,
should be remodeled.

Remodeling ain't a bad idea.

But wait a minute.

How much would all that cost?

Well, I'm not an expert,
but I'd say around $10,000.

$10,000... $10,000?

$10,000. Hmm.


Oh, no!

Listen. Lamont don't want
me in the junk business,

and I'm losing money
in the food business.

Ah Chew, what should I do?

First of all,

try taking your
hand off the stove.


Fifty... Overdrawn $58.63?

I don't understand
that. How could I be...


I just... Hello.

Oh, hi, Mr. Simpson.

I forgot the pipe?

Oh, but I thought that
was a half-inch wire.

Oh... You're gonna
cancel the order?

Wait a minute, Mr. Simpson.
I can explain everything.

You see, my father's
not working with me

in the business anymore
and I just f... Hello?



Hello, son.

Oh, hey, Pop.

I want to talk to you
about something.

I ain't gonna... I'm all right.

I ain't gonna say nothing.
I ain't gonna bother you.

Well, I got something to
talk to you about. See...

And I got something to
talk to you about too, son.

See, Pop, the junk
business is going bankrupt.

I thought I could
run the business

without you, Pop,
but I can't, man.

I don't have your ability
or your experience

in dealing with people.

Yeah, well, see,
I... Listen, Pop.

Please close down
the restaurant business

and come back with me
into the junk business.

I can't do it alone. I
can't do it without you.

Well, I can't do that, son.

If I close down, I put
a parking attendant,

and a cook and a waiter...

and to say nothing
of all those guys

down at Al's Body
and Fender Shop,

who've been doing
the cars for us.

Pop, I need you.

I've been waiting a long
time to hear you say that.

Then you'll come back?

Well, I'll be sacrificing a
lot of fame and fortune,

but for you... Hey,
that's great, Pop.


Hey, Mr. Sanford, Lamont.

Listen, I only got a minute,

but I thought I better tell you.

Last night, a guy liked
my cooking so much,

that he offered me a
job down at his restaurant

after that health
inspector closed us down.

I gotta go to work.

I'll catch you later.

I'll go with you.

Health inspector
closed you down, huh?

Well, son, I... We...
You know, Pop, They...

I should be mad
at you, but I'm not.

You're the best at what you do,

and I'm just glad
we're partners again.

Yeah, son, listen.

I might be slowing
up a little bit,

and I might not be able
to do that heavy work,

but up here... I got
a mind full of junk.

Hey, Pop.

You look terrific, man.
What you reading?

I'm reading this book here

I bought with
some of the profits

that I made from the
restaurant venture I was in.

Oh, let me take a look at that.

The Art and Culture of Japan.

Hey, that's all right, man.

Hey, thanks, son.

Yeah, you see, I
learned a lot of things

from Ah Chew last week.

You know, there're a
lot of things about Japan

that I never even thought about.

You know, Pop, I can't believe

you're saying all this.

Well, I did.

See, I know, I admit
that I've been prejudiced,

but now my eyes are open.

That's more than I can
say for the Japanese.

That's not funny.

You're right, son. I apologize.

I really do.

See, an old dog has to
learn new tricks slowly.

Did you know a
lot of the great TVs

are made in Japan?

Yes, I did.

Pop, what did you do
with the rest of the profits?

And a lot of the popular cars

are made in Japan.

I've... I've heard that too.

And Godzilla was made in Japan.

Totally slipped my mind.

Now, what did you do
with the rest of the money

from the restaurant profits?

And Son of Godzilla
was made in Japan...

Hey, wouldn't
that be great, son?

A great title for a
television series?

Godzilla and Son.

The money, Pop. What did you do

with the rest of the profits?


Ready for your back
rub, Mr. Sanford?

Also made in Japan.