Sanford and Son (1972–1977): Season 4, Episode 13 - A Little Extra Security - full transcript

Grady receives an extra Social Security check by mistake and wastes no time celebrating his windfall, but the wind falls from his sails when he learns Mr. Hastings from the Social Security office is on his way over to the house.


♪ I'm gonna sit right down
And write myself a letter... ♪

♪ Zoom ♪

♪ And put a little
check inside For me ♪

♪ La da da doo Da
dat-n da da da da da ♪

♪ Da da dah da-da-da-da ♪

♪ Da dat da da dee dah ♪

♪ Doo da dat da da da ♪♪

Happy, happy, happy.

Today's the day

we get our social
security check, isn't it?

You got that right.

And it's the only
day of the month

that the We become I.


Well, look here.

Why don't you take
some of that money

on buy yourself
some singing lessons?

Ha ha ha!

And some Lavoris.

You'll not anger me.

Today is the day
that I gets $255.40.

Good old Uncle Sam.

Good old Uncle Sam?
What are you talking about?

That's not his money
he's bringing me,

that's my own money that
he's been holding for me.

That's money that I worked
for for 40 years of my life...

Yeah, yeah, right.

All those years putting it in

in one big lump

and getting it back
in dribs and drabs.

Dribs and drabs?

That's right. 255
dribs and 40 drabs.

Yeah, well, enough
about the check for now.

What did you fix
me for breakfast?

Oh, flapjack.

Oh, flapjacks?

No, not flapjacks.
Flapjack. Jack.

When there's one, it's "jack."

And when there's more
than one, it's "jackes."

You mean to tell
me all you fixed me

was one little
flapjack for breakfast?

No, I fixed you
one huge flapjack.

Now, get ready. Here it comes.

Uh, Lamont, uh,

did you ever see
one of those movies

where the people

eat in those fancy
French restaurants

right out of the frying pan?

Well, uh, bony appetiti.


Hold it. I'll
get it. I'll get it.

Hold on. I am coming, check.


All right, who is it?

It's the postman!


Well... welcome,
welcome, welcome.

Good morning.

Good morning. Now, where is it?

Where is what?

My check.

Oh, all right. Here you go.

You know, I can't wait

till I get to be an
old man like you.

Oh yeah? Well,
goodbye, youngster.

Did you finish that flapjack?

I didn't have to.

That flapjack was
dead on arrival.

Well, that's all right.
Don't worry about it.

Tomorrow, I'll fix you a
whole stack of flapjacks

with oatmeal.

Hey, hey, Grady,

I can't eat flapjacks
and oatmeal.

That's too filling.

Not flapjacks and oatmeal.
Flapjacks with oatmeal.


Is there any mail
in there for me?

Well, now, that depends.

On what?

On whether you're the
occupant or the resident.

I was the occupant yesterday.

Today, you be the occupant,
and I'll be the resident.

Okay, well, I'll tell you what.

You be the occupant
and the resident,

and I'll be the recipient.

Welcome, welcome.

I'm gonna take this right down

and get us some good food,

a couple of six-packs,
and some sweet Lucy.

Hey, uh, Grady?


Uh, I think the government
made a mistake.

Well, that wouldn't surprise me.
They're always making a mistake.

What happened now?

Well, they sent you an
extra check for 255.40.

And they are never wrong.

Well, now, that calls
for a couple of drinks.

I don't want a drink.

Oh, I wasn't counting on you.

You're not planning on
keeping that money, are you?

Oh no. I'm planning
on spending this money.

Yeah, Grady, but that money
doesn't even belong to you.

Oh yeah? Well, who
does it belong to?

The United States government.

That check says "Grady,"

and the United States
government's name is "Sam."

All right, so the
government made a mistake.

Our government
never makes a mistake,

and when they do,

they got a whole
system to cover them up.

Grady, the government
doesn't have a system

for mistakes like this.

Oh, yes, they do.

They send out millions
of checks a day,

so they're bound
to make a mistake,

so when they send
one extra check here,

they balance that off

by sending one less check there,

and that's known

as the system of
checks and balances...

so, you see, this is
one of the checks,

and I intend to
keep the balance.

Grady, if you keep
those checks, man,

you're going to land in jail.

Oh, no, I won't,

because I'm not going
to keep these checks.

I'm going to cash
them, and right now.

Oh, terrific.
Terrific. Terrific.

And what do you think
the teller at the bank

is going to say

when you hand her two
checks from the government

in the exact same amount?

She's going to say
"Hi there, Lucky."

All right. All right.

Go ahead. Go ahead.

I'm not going to
try to stop you.

Just go right ahead,

but I never thought
I'd see the day

when a man as
basically as honest as you

would do something that's wrong

against the United
States of America.

America is not America.

It's the people
who live in America

that make America America.

America was just the name
of the man who discovered us,

and as a matter of fact, his
last name wasn't America.

It was Vespucci.

The point is

that it's the people
that make this country

what it is.

Now, who are the people?
You and me, that's who.

So who's gonna send
me to jail? You and me?

Now, I don't know
where you're sending me,

but I'm sending me to the bank.

Hey, Grady?

Where could he be? He's
been gone for 24 hours.

Hello, Bubba? How
are you doing, buddy?

This is Lamont. Fine.

Say, listen, is Grady
over there at your place?

Well, have you seen him?

Well, see, we had an
argument yesterday,

and he stormed out of the house,
and I haven't seen him since,

and I was wondering
if you had seen him.

Huh? Where?

Of course I looked in the
house, Bubba. He's not here.


Oh, wait a minute. I hear
a knock on the door now.

That's probably him.
Thanks a lot, Bubba. Bye.


All right, I'm coming.

Phew. I came as fast as I could.

He didn't get here yet?

No, Aunt Esther. I
thought you were him.

Don't make matters
worse, Lamont.

Where could he be, Aunt Esther?

I have no idea.

He could be in a million places.

Have you looked there?

He's probably out sinning
with that ill-gotten money.

Well, just promise me
one thing, Aunt Esther.

Just promise me that
you won't tell Grady

that I told you

about that extra Social
Security check that he got.

Don't worry. I won't say a word.


Hey, good morning.

Hello, Lamont. Hello, Esther.

Grady Wilson,
where have you been?

Uh, excuse me,

but I haven't had
too much sleep.

Uh, is this your Aunt Esther,

or is this King Kong

after he fell off the
Empire State Building?

Where have you
been, Grady Wilson?

You had everybody
worried to death.

Oh, me and Otis,

were out having
ourselves a time.

We sure were, and
if you'll excuse me,

may I avail myself
of your facilities?

Yeah, the john is upstairs,
first door on the right.

You were out reaping the fruit

of your undeserved
check, weren't you?

Yeah, we were out
reaping off the government.

How did she find
out about that check?

I told her. I told
her everything.

I figured the truth
was the best way.

That's right.

You can't get the Lord to
work for you by telling lies.

Yeah, well, I sure wish
you'd tell him a few truths

so he could start working
on that face of yours.

Watch it.

Now, Grady Wilson,
where have you been?

Oh, me and Old
Otis, we did the town.

All night long?

What could the two of
you possibly find to do

in this town all night?


But you just said...

I said we did the town.

I didn't say this was
the town we did, did I?

Well, what town did you do?

Las Vegas, Nevada.

You went to Las Vegas?

That's right.

We caught that
4:30 flight over there,

and had ourselves some
dinner, and did a little gambling,

and caught two great acts

at Caesar's Palace
and the Flamingo.

Sodom and Gomorrah.

No, no. Nipsy Russell
and Harry Belafonte.

I betcha you spent every penny

of both those
checks in Las Vegas.

I sure hope so.

Well, you still not
through spending,

because you still
got the devil to pay.

Oh, no, I paid him last night.

I left it for him
on the Hard Eight.


Oh, somebody hit the jackpot!

That's the phone, fool.



Oh yeah, just a minute.

It's for you, Grady.


It's the Social Security
Administration Office.




Who? Oh, the
Social Security office?

Oh, I'm sorry, our
switchboard operator

must have disconnected us.

Hurry to the phone, Mr. Wilson.

The United States Social
Security Administration

is waiting.

Why don't you shut up?

Hello? No, Grady Wilson
doesn't live here, sir.


Uh, you say you got the
number, the temporary number,

from the operator?

Oh, I see.

Oh, well, okay.
Hold on for a minute.

I'll check and
see if he's here...

Grady, that's the United
States government.

Now, they're going to catch
up to you sooner or later.

I'm still checking!

Would you take that
receiver out of the drawer

and talk to those people

and take your
medicine like a man?

Now, go ahead.

Go on.

He's gone!



Uh, yes, this is
Grady Wilson, sir.

Oh. You'd like to come
over? Well, when?

Oh, that soon, huh?

Well, well, yeah, okay.

Well, goodbye.

When is he coming?

He said any minute now.

He went over to my house,
and when I wasn't there,

he went to the
corner and he called.

They're gonna ask you
for that extra check back.

Well, they're
gonna be out of luck,

because I ain't got it.

You mean you done spend
both them checks already?

All except $8.20,

which I'm gonna
pass on to a hit man

if you don't get
outta this house!

Gladly, for I have stood
among sinners too long.

Oh, good goobly goop.

Now what's the matter?

I just pictured her

as one of those topless
dancers that I saw in Las Vegas,

and I got sick to my stomach.

Well, Lamont,

you know, I'm
really in trouble now.

Well, I told you not
to cash those checks.

I told you it would
get you in trouble.

That's right, but,
you know, last night

was the first time since I
been receiving those checks

that I felt they provided
me with social security.

Grady, you spent over $510

in less than 24
hours in Las Vegas.

No, I didn't.

After I left the bank, I
got a load of groceries,

and I paid the water
and electric bills

for the month.

All right, that only
adds up to about $50.

You still spent over
$400 in Las Vegas.




Come on, Grady. I want
to know about that $400.

Now, what happened to it?

Okay. How you want it?

You want it penny by
penny, or... all in general?

Penny by penny.

Okay, first there was the bus.
Now, that was 25 cents a piece,

so that totals 50 cents,

and, uh, and then, when
we got to the airport,

we bought a newspaper so
that we could read on the plane,

and that was 10 cents.

That's 60 cents.

Yeah, well, and then we
bought a Mars bar, two Goobers,

and a pack of Raisinettes,

so that was 40 cents.

All right, that's
a dollar. Go on.

Oh, and then we had
that big cash layout.

What big cash layout?

Miscellaneous $399,
and the account's closed.

And the door on your
jail cell is gonna be closed

when Mr. Hastings
asks you for that $255.40

and you tell him
you've got it tied up

in Raisinettes
and miscellaneous.

Now, you gotta come up
with that money, Grady.

Now, how you gonna do that?

I don't know, Lamont.

Maybe I can borrow it.

Well, look how time flies.

I guess I'll be running
home now, Grady.

Hey, hey, wait a minute, Otis.

Now, you got some
money put away.

I can't give you that money.

I've been saving
it for 20 years.

What will I do if I get sick?

If I get senile?

If I can't make money,
who will I turn to?

Who's gonna help me?

Well, I'll help you, Otis.

How're you gonna help me?

You're gonna be in jail, thief!

Ain't that something?

I thought I could count on
him through thick and thin.

Well, I'll stick with you
through the thin, Grady,

but when it starts
getting too thick,

you're on your own.


You're on your own.

Answer the door, Lamont.

Come in!

That's the wrong answer!

How do you do?

Fred Hastings, Social
Security Administration.

Hey, how are you doing?

I'm Lamont Sanford
and this is Grady Wilson.

Well, how do you do, Mr. Wilson?

Uh, yeah, gosh... gee whiz.

You know, I feel a touch
of pneumonia coming on.

You know, I've been very
susceptible to pneumonia

ever since I had a
tooth taken out, see,

and the cold air keeps
rushing up to my lungs.

I'm sorry.

Well, that's all
right, Mr. Hasty.


Oh, that's all right.

Well, as I'm sure you
have already discovered,

there's been a mistake

regarding your
Social Security check.

Huh? Wait a minute. I
can't hear you. I'm sorry,

but you see,

the water in my lungs
keeps rushing up to my ears,

and it makes everybody
sound like they're gargling.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Oh, well, that's all
right, Mr. Haystack.


Oh, leave him alone.

Can't you see the man is sick?

Oh, he...

he was only trying to
be polite, Mr. Haystack.

You see... it's not easy for him

seeing his friend die
of water in the ears.

I understand,

and I'll try to be
as brief as possible.

Now, as you are aware,

our computer made a
terrible mistake this month...

Oh, there goes
that gargling again...

you know, arrr, like that.

sounds like "rrrrr..."

Our computer made a mistake.

It will eventually be corrected.

Rrrrr... However,
during our read-out,

we discovered you did not

receive your check this month.

I am very sorry...

and I personally would
like to present you

with this one.

Oh, ho ho... Um,
wait a minute, see...

Lamont, Lamont, Lamont!

The man has already apologized.

Yeah, but see...
Lamont! To err is human,

and to keep
talking may be fatal.

Yeah, but, see...
Lamont, Lamont...

will you please
go in the kitchen

and get my miracle drug
that I keep in the aspirin bottle?


In the kitchen, Lamont!

You're going to jail, chump.

I hope the delay in this check

did not contribute in
any way to your sickness.

We all make mistakes.

Well, here's your miracle drug.

Oh, wow, thank you.

I the money for the
Social Security guy!

Are you all right, Mr. Wilson?

He's gonna be fine.

Are you from the
Social Security?

Yes, I'm Mr. Hastings.

How do you do?

My name is Otis
Littlejohn, and I'm...

Oh, that's Dr. Otis Littlejohn.

Dr. Littlejohn,

I'm certainly glad
that you have arrived.

You see, I've been having
trouble with my lungs,

and I would like for
you to check me out.

Oh, I see you didn't
bring your stethoscope.

Well, I'll just open my mouth

and you can listen
down my throat.


Sounds good.

The lungs sound real good.

You're gonna be fine.

Well, I guess I'd
better be going now.

I'm glad to see you're
feeling better, Mr. Wilson.

Oh, hey, Mr. Haystack,

I feel like a million dollars.

As a matter of fact,
I feel like $255.40.

Well, goodbye, Mr. Wilson.

Yeah, yeah, take care
of yourself, Mr. Hayseed.

Goodbye, Mr. Hayseed.


Well, I guess you won't
be needing this anymore.

Oh, wow.

You was gonna give me
your whole life's savings.

I sure was.

Hey, that's very nice.

I'm really very grateful.

Well, that's what
friends are for.

Now, give me that $15.00
you owe me and I'll go.

Why do I owe you $15.00?

For my house call.

Get out of here.

You crazy.

And by the way,

your lungs didn't
sound all that terrific.

♪ Da da da da da Da da da ♪♪

You're not honestly

planning on keeping all
three of those checks, are you?

Well, no, and not "honestly."

That's not what I meant.

I know what you mean, and
yes, I am gonna keep them.

I figure they'll find out
their mistake sooner or later,

and when they do,
I'll settle up then,

but until that time,

I'm gonna keep them
with a clear conscience.

Grady, how can you
have a clear conscience?

I'll tell you how I can
have a clear conscience.

I'm 65 years old.

Now, 40 years ago

when I first
complained about them

taking social security
out of my check,

they told me I'd get
it back when I retire.

Well, when they took
one dollar out of my check

40 years ago, it
was worth a dollar...

now when they're
giving it back to me,

it's only worth a quarter,

so the way I see it, I'm
entitled to this check,

the other two, and one more.

I can't stand it anymore.

Well, stop shouting.
I can't stand it either.

I'm talking about those
checks, Grady Wilson,

and what you're doing is wrong,

and in my heart,
I know it's wrong,

and I'm gonna call
that Mr. Hastings

and tell him.

All right, well, you do that.

I mean, a man must do

what he knows
in his heart is right.

That's correct.

You know, I got
to thinking before,

there's a good chance

that they might not
ever find that mistake.

Aw, they'll find it, all right.

May I please have
the telephone number

of the Social Security
administration office?

What I mean is
that it's possible

that I can keep on getting
two checks a month forever.

And three if ol' Haystacks
keeps coming by.

Thank you very much.

But, now, figuring I only
get two checks a month,

that's $500 a month.

Hello? May I speak with
Mr. Hastings, please?

That adds up to $6000 a year.

Hello, Mr. Hastings?
This is Lamont.

That's 3000 for you
and 3000 for me,

but you do what
your heart tells you.

Lamont Cranston.

Who knows what evil
lurks in the hearts of men?

No, I can't do that.
That's dishonest.

Oh, I... you just call
the government. 3000...

Seven million
crooks in the world,

and I got to end up
with an honest guy.