Sanford and Son (1972–1977): Season 3, Episode 5 - This Little TV Went to Market - full transcript

Fred and Lamont's TV set finally goes belly up, prompting Lamont to suggest that it is time to buy a brand new set. Fred thinks that the money could be better spent on a second-hand TV from Guy's Groovy Grab Bag, a panel-truck that sell quickly and never stops in the same place twice. Lamont makes Fred promise not to get involved in any shady deals, but Fred buys one anyway. Fred claims that there is nothing suspicious about the TV until Grady drops by and identifies it as having been recently stolen out of his house, prompting an angry fight between he and Fred. In the meantime, Fred sells the set to Julio. Grady returns with the police and not only is Fred deception uncovered but so too is the information that Grady also bought the set from Guy's Groovy Grab Bag and that the set is evidence in a string of robberies. Therefore it doesn't belong to either he or Fred.

[♪♪♪]

Well, I've got good news
and I've got bad news.

I'll give you the
good news first.

It won't cost you anything
to get this set repaired.

And now what's the bad news?

It can't be repaired.

What do you mean
it can't be repaired?

You're a repairman, aren't you?

All right, then
prepare to repair.

The set is old
and it's worn out.

Now, I could take it
back into the shop,



but they'd just have
to replace everything.

Look, can you get it
back here by tonight

in time for the fight?

Oh, no. Uh-uh.

Plus which it's
going to cost you

almost as much
as buying a new set.

Well, it didn't do much good

for you to come here, did it?

How'd you get in the
Yellow Pages? Politics?

Hey, Pop, the man
was nice enough

to come in here and tell
us the truth about our set.

What you getting mad at him for?

I ain't mad. Okay.

Hey, wait a minute.



You were nice enough to
give me a tip about my TV,

so I'm going to give you a tip.

You've got a lot of equipment

on that truck, right?

Yeah.

Well, here's my tip.

Get outta this neighborhood
before it gets dark.

I don't worry about
that. I'm bonded.

And that's the
way they'll find you.

Bonded and gagged.

Well? What do we do now?

We're going to do something

we should have done
a long time ago, Pop.

We're going to get
a brand-new TV.

A brand-new one?

That's right, man.

I'm getting sick and tired

of buying old cheap
sets that don't work.

Well, you know, a brand-new
TV costs a lot of money.

Not if you get
them on sale, Pop.

There's always a
TV sale some place.

Here. Look at this:

"Donald's Daring Discounts

holds its once-in-
a-lifetime sale."

Oh, I know about
Donald's discount sale,

once in a lifetime.

He has one every weekend.

Here's their house special, Pop.

"Neat black and
white portable, 21 inch,

"with a quality chassis

and solid state
silicon rectifiers."

That sounds like
Lottie The Body,

that topless dancer in Detroit.

This set sells for $178.

$178?

Yeah, but for the sale, it's
been slashed to $158.49.

That don't sound like no slash.

That sounds more like a scratch.

You want another sandwich? No.

See, Pop, we don't
have to pay for it

all at once.

We could put $50 down

and the rest in easy
monthly installments.

I got a better idea.

We'll take that 50 bucks

and put it down on
a second-hand TV,

then we won't have no
monthly installments at all.

Pop, I told you,

I don't want an old
second-hand TV.

It's not an old second-hand TV.

It's a new second-hand TV.

And what is a new
second-hand TV?

That's the house special
at Guy's Groovy Grab-bag.

Guy's Groovy Grab-bag?

Yeah.

He's got a cash and carry plan.

See, you carry in the cash,

and you can carry
out the merchandise.

They get the merchandise
straight from their warehouse

to the customer.

Yeah, whose warehouse?

Oh, don't say that.

You don't know
nothing about him.

You don't have
no proof about it.

And besides, he can sell cheap

because he ain't
got no overhead.

He sure doesn't.

All he needs is a big
brick and a strong arm.

Aw, you don't know that.

And I don't want
to know about it.

I don't want to hear
no more about it.

I'm going back to work,

and when I get home tonight,

we're going to go
down to Donald's

and get a brand-new
TV set on time.

I don't want you to get
involved in no shady deals, Pop.

Now, I want you to promise me

that you're going
to stay in this house

until I get home.

Now, do you hear me? I hear you.

All right.

I'm staying here.

I won't go nowhere.

I don't care if you're
gone 15 years,

I'll just stay in the house.

Ain't nothing in the world

that would get me to
move out of this house

because you asked
me to stay in here.

Nothing. I'll stay in here...

[CAR DEPARTING]

Until... I'm positive
that you're out of sight.

[TELEVISION PLAYING]

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC ON TV]

Hey, Pop.

As soon as I take a shower,
we'll go down to Donald's...

So you did it, huh?
Guy's Groovy Grab-bag?

Yeah. It's a top quality
black and white portable.

Pop, you promised me

you wasn't going to get
involved in no shady deals.

It wasn't no shady deal.

I bought it right out in
the middle of the pool hall.

I gave this guy 50 bucks,
and he gave me the TV.

Look here... 500
Space Command...

Watch them...
Watch them channels.

When you push it like this,

it just starts whizzing on by.

Here. Go ahead and try it.

You're not conning me
into going along with this.

Now, this is a hot TV,

and we're going to take it back

and get the $50.

We can't take it back.

What do you mean
we can't take it back?

The place ain't there.

What do you mean
the place ain't there?

I mean the place is gone.

A place just can't disappear.

This one can.

You see, Guy's Groovy
Grab-bag is a panel truck.

Yeah. An unmarked
one too, I suppose.

Most "expubidently."

Well, we're gonna
go out on the street

and look for this guy anyway.

That won't do no good,

because you ain't
gonna find him.

See, he only come
out once a month,

and then he never stops
at the same place twice.

Then that proves
that this is a hot set!

It don't prove nothing.

See, this is not a hot set.

If you're mad because I
got a nice TV for 50 bucks,

then I'll tell you what,

then just make believe
that it's not a new set.

But, Pop, this is
a brand-new TV.

Look over here on the side,

there where it looks like

somebody been
playing tic-tac-toe

with a carving knife.

That proves it's a used set.

[KNOCKING]

I don't know what
you're talking about.

You might as well face it.

That's a new set, and it's hot.

It's a new hot set.

Hello, Grady.

Hello... Lamont.

Lamont.

Fred.

Hello, Grady.

I just stopped by
to see if we were still

going to watch
the fight tonight.

Yeah, we're going to
watch the fight tonight.

And look here what
we're going to watch it on.

Say, now that looks
like a real cool set.

Wrong.

Grady, don't pay no
attention to Lamont.

Here, lookee here.

Isn't that nice?

That's nice.

I used to have a set
with a remote control.

Yeah, and then
when you hold it down,

look at that.

You ought to see them channels

just whiz on
through... Voom, voom.

You know what I mean?

That's what my set used to do.

Yeah.

And I got fine tuning on there.

My set had that too.

Yeah, and I got

push-and-pull and
off-and-on switches.

My set did that.

Yeah... And look...

Look at this fine
walnut veneer finish.

Just like my set.

You know what?

Hmm?

This is my set.

What're you talking about?

This is my set you got.

No, this ain't your
set. This is my set.

My set was stolen from
my house last week,

and this is my set.

You must be crazy, Grady.

They ought to call
you Crazy Grady.

It's got everything my set had.

Look here, you see
that scratch on the side

that looks like somebody
was playing tic-tac-toe on it

with a carving knife?

My set.

No, no, it's my set!

It's mine!

It's mine! It's mine!

Mine! Mine!

Mine! Mine!

Mine! Mine!

Mine! Mine!

Give me my TV.

You'd better put that set down.

You give me $50,
you can take this set.

I ain't giving you nothing,

you stubborn,
bull-headed old buzzard.

Who are you calling old?

I'll knock you out.

[ARGUING]

Stop it. Just stop it.

Would you stop it?

Stop it!

Stop it!

Would you stop it?

Now, what's the matter with you?

Grady's a friend of yours.

He ain't no friend
of mine no more.

Well, you ain't no friend
of mine no more neither.

Look, Grady, just go on home,

and I'll handle this, okay?

You don't have to handle it.

I'll handle it!

I'll get the law on him!

Yeah, you come back here,

and I'll knock that
snuff out your lip!

Now you've done it.

Grady was one of
your best friends.

Good riddance.

Well, you're not rid of him yet,

because he said he's
gonna come back here

with the police.

He ain't coming
back with the police.

And what makes
you think he won't?

Grady would
never call the police.

Grady couldn't call the police.

Why is Grady somewhere
now calling the police?

It's simple, Pop.

He says that's his
TV, and I believe him.

All right.

Let's assume
that this is his TV.

Now, not that it is,

but just for the
sake of assumption,

let's assume that it's his TV.

Okay, now, we give
him the TV back,

what about my 50 bucks?

Well, just look on it as
$50 worth of experience.

Do you believe this has been
50 bucks' worth of experience?

Most "expubident."

Well, I'll tell
you what to do...

You give me 50 bucks,

and you take the experience,

and give him his TV,
and everybody'll be happy.

No, no. No, no,
no. No, you don't.

I'm going upstairs
and take a shower,

and when I come back down here,

we're going to take
Grady his television set.

Well, listen, can we keep it

at least until the fight's over?

No!

[KNOCKING]

Anybody could have
some scratches on the TV

that looks like somebody
had been playing tic-tac-toe

on the side of it.

Hello, Mr. Sanford.

Hello, Julio. Goodbye, Julio.

Hey, wait a minute, Mr. Sanford,

I did not tell you
what I wanted.

Whatever it is, we ain't got it.

No, no. I just want
to see Lamont.

Oh that we got, and
maybe too much of it.

Lamont invited me over
to watch the fights tonight,

so I just came over to
see what time they start.

There's a good fighter
on tonight... Porfirio Rios.

Man, he's good.

I just cancelled
your invitation.

Oh, man.

Listen, why don't you watch
the fights on your own TV?

Very simple, man.
I don't have a TV.

You don't have a TV?

No.

Why don't you have a TV?

They're expensive,
man. I can't afford it.

Well, Julio, come in a minute.

Have a seat over
there in my chair.

In your chair?

Yeah.

Did you ever think of
getting yourself a TV?

Oh, sure, man.

I'm going to get one.
One of these days.

You watch.

Look at this one
here. Look at this.

See, you don't even

have to get up to
change the channel.

Hey, that's a good
thing to have, man.

Yeah. When were you
thinking of getting yourself one?

Well, as soon as I have
saved enough money.

I am saving for one now.

How much have you saved so far?

$50.

Sold!

What?

Sold to the Puerto Rican.

What are you talking about?

I just sold you my
set for 50 bucks.

You just sold me
your TV set for $50?

Mm-hm.

What's wrong with it?

Ain't nothing wrong with it.

It's just black and white,

and we're going
to get a color set.

Man, but I am sure you can get

more than $50 for this set.

Yeah, I feel that way too,

but all I need is a down payment

on the color set, and
I need it right away,

and besides, you're
Lamont's friend.

Are you sure, Mr. Sanford?

I mean, I was thinking of paying

at least $200 for a set.

Oh, you could pay
200 for a new set,

but this is a used set.

See? Look over here
at them scratches

over there on the side.

Oh yeah.

Yeah, it looks like

someone was playing
tica-taca-toe on it.

Yeah, well, if it's a
deal, give me 50 bucks.

Give me the 50 bucks,

and I can put that
down on the color TV set,

and have it here by tonight,

and then that's all I need.

Hey. It's a deal, man.

Hey, listen, that's fantastic.

You got yourself a deal.

Here's the $50 right here, man.

There's 10, 20,
30, and 20 is 50.

Yeah... Fantastic.

Look at this set, man.

Hey, listen,

if you can't get
your TV by today,

you come over tonight,
huh, and watch the fight.

You come and watch Porfirio.

Yeah, thanks.

I'll get that door for you.

Oh, thanks, man.

Lamont is going
to be surprised, eh?

Yeah. He'll be
surprised, all right.

Listen, is he home?
Why don't we tell him?

No, no, no.

Let him be surprised.
Let's don't tell him.

Yeah?

Hey, listen, this is really
nice of you, Mr. Sanford.

Gracias. Hasta luego.

Yeah, Oscar Luego to you too.

Hey, Pop! Dummy.

Pop!

What are you doing?

Oh, a little coordinating.

Who were you just talking to?

Oh, it was a customer.

Oh.

Hey, where's the television
set? What happened to the TV?

That's what I sold
to the customer.

You sold it? What'd
you do that for?

Well, I buy and sell junk.

But that television wasn't junk.

Sure, it was.

See, junk is something
that you don't want,

and you didn't want the TV,

so that made it
junk, so I sold it.

Pop, what's the matter with you?

Do you know what that makes you?

Yeah. Even-Steven.

That makes you a fence.

Receiving and selling stolen
goods makes you a fence.

Nobody proved that
that television was stolen.

That was stolen
out of Grady's house,

and you know it.

Who says? Grady says.

I could have said it was mine.

That's just hearsay evidence,

and that's inadmissible.

Where'd you learn
that from, Perry Mason?

No, Watergate.

Well, if you're so sure
the set wasn't stolen,

why did you sell it?

Because I got tired of listening

to all that
inadmissible evidence

at this point in time.

[KNOCKING]

You're going to
get in trouble, Pop.

I don't know what's
the matter with you.

You see the set, and you
know it was Grady's set.

I'm back.

I told you I was coming
back with the police.

Well, here's the police.

Ask me, go ahead ask me,

ask me do I see the
guilty party in this room.

Yes, I do.

That's him right there.

That one standing
right over here.

Well, we may as well

get right to the crux of
the matter, Mr. Sanford.

We're here to ascertain

the veracity of a
citizen complaint

regarding purloined property

supposedly taken
from his premises.

Have you got Grady's TV?

No, I ain't got Grady's
TV. Not now, not ever.

Oh, yes, he does.
It's right over here.

I'll show you.

It's... It's gone!

Fred hid it!

I ain't hid nothing! You did!

I didn't! Did!

Didn't! Did!

Hold it!

Did too. Didn't either.

I said, hold it.

What happened, Lamont?
Did Fred hide the TV?

He didn't hide it,
Jonesy. He sold it.

Sold it? You sold my TV?

You just said it was your TV.

I could have said it was mine!

Well, it was my mine.

Mine. Mine.

Mine. Mine.

Mine. Mine.

All right, all right.
Everybody, hold it down.

It was my set. It was my set.

I said, hold it down.

Now, who'd you
sell that set to, Fred?

Who'd I sell it to?

That's right. Who
did you sell the set to?

Well, I just buy and sell junk.

I don't just ask people
what they're doing

and what they bring in here?

I just open my door
and start selling.

You mean to tell me
you can't remember

a customer who was just
in here a few minutes ago?

Was he from around here?

No. He was a foreigner.

A foreigner?

That's right.

I don't discriminate.
I sell to anybody.

On, excuse me, everybody.

Look, Mr. Sanford,
this set you sold me,

I'm having trouble
with the remote control.

You sold Julio the set?

I thought you said you
sold it to a foreigner?

Well, he's a Puerto
Rican, ain't he?

Wait a minute, Mr. Sanford,

you don't have to...

Now, now, easy, caballero...

I'll take this.

Look at this. This
could be Exhibit A.

We'd better check it out.

How could you
sell the set to Julio?

How could I do it?

He came in here and
wanted to buy a TV,

so I sold it to him.

Ain't that right, Julio?

No!

Oh, shut up, Julio!

You caused enough
trouble in here already.

I do not understand
what's going on.

Now, whose TV
set is this, anyway?

Yours. Mine! His!

No, it ain't! It is!

Ain't! Is!

Gentlemen!

Gentlemen, gentlemen. Please!

Is too. My set.

Julio, where did
you get the set?

Look, Mr. Sanford sold
me that TV set for $50, man.

And where'd you get it, Fred?

I bought it off this
guy for 50 bucks.

Grady, where'd you get it?

I bought it off
this guy for $50.

Guy's Groovy Grab-bag?

How'd you know that?

You have been the victims

of one of the
scourges of society,

those who prey upon
an unsuspecting public

in order to satisfy

their larcenous and
criminal ambitions.

In other words,
you've been torn off.

Ripped off.

Ripped off, yeah.

Didn't I tell ya?

Did I say this would happen?

Okay, Jonesy. What happens now?

Well, we have to work backwards.

Now, Fred, you shouldn't
have sold this set to Julio.

Now, wait a second, man.

If this is a set you are
now supposed to sell,

I want my $50 back.

That's right, Pop.
Give Julio his 50 back.

Give him his money.

That's right. Come on, man.

[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]

Now, look here,

if Julio gets his 50 bucks
back, then I get my TV back.

You can't keep that set, Fred.

Grady's right. You
can't keep the set, Fred.

I told you, you
can't keep my set.

Thanks, Jonesy.

You can't keep it either, Grady.

What?

Well, there's a trademark

on the underside of that set

which traces it directly

to a commercial establishment
known as "Dan the TV Man."

And Dan the TV Man

was recently burglarized by
persons or person unknown.

Then I'm out of a set.

And I'm out of 50 bucks.

Look at it this way, Fred.

You're helping the set
get back where it belongs.

Dan the TV Man will be happy.

Yeah, but Sanford
the Sucker is sad.

Let's go, Hoppy.

Yep. Gentlemen. It's
time for us to crack.

Split! Split.

I hope you satisfied, Grady.

I'm out of 50 bucks.

You shouldn't have sold my set.

It was not your set.

It was too. It was mine!

It was mine! It was mine!

It was mine! It was mine!

It was mine! My set!

It was my set!

[ARGUING]

Hey, Julio, what'd you
think of that last round, man?

That new guy,
Jackson, is a bad dude.

Jackson? What are
you talking about?

He's wearing himself out, man.

Yeah, he's wearing out his hands

on Portfolio's head.

Portfolio?

Porfirio... He's just
playing it cool, man.

You watch.

He's going to let
him tire himself out,

and then, pow,
man, like dynamite!

Yeah, well, he'd
better hurry up,

because he ain't got
but three more rounds

to do it in.

Round eight is
about ready to start.

That's right, man.
We'd better get ready.

Hey, Pop! Grady!

Round eight's
getting ready to start,

so you'd better
get out here. Pop!

I heard you.

What do you think,
we're deaf, dummy.

How many more...

How many more
rounds you say we got?

There's just three more.

Go!

[BELL RINGS]

[♪♪♪]

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