Sanford and Son (1972–1977): Season 2, Episode 3 - The Dowry - full transcript

Cousin Grady's overweight stepdaughter stands to receive a $10,000 dowry on her wedding day, which sets Fred to playing matchmaker with Lamont.

♪ NO ONE TO WALK
WITH ALL BY MYSELF ♪

♪ NO ONE TO TALK WITH
BUT I'M HAPPY ON THE SHELF ♪

♪ AIN'T MISBEHAVIN' ♪

♪ SAVIN' MY LOVE ♪

♪ FOR YOU, FOR YOU ♪

♪ FOR YOU ♪

♪ I'M ALL FOR CERTAIN
IT'S YOU THAT... ♪

HI, POP. HI, SON. I SET
A NICE TABLE, DON'T I?

ME AND JULIA "CHILDS."

♪♪ [ Scatting ]

♪ AIN'T MISBEHAVIN' ♪



♪ MASHED POTATO ♪

♪ FOR YOU, FOR YOU ♪♪

HEY, POP. SAY, WHAT ARE YOU
SO HAPPY ABOUT THIS MORNING?

I KNOW SOMETHING THAT YOU DON'T
KNOW, AND IT'S MAKING ME HAPPY.

OH, YEAH? WELL, WHAT IS IT?

GUESS. SOMETHING THAT
WOULD MAKE ME REALLY HAPPY.

LENA HORNE'S GONNA
MOVE IN WITH US.

NOW, LOOK. DON'T TELL NO JOKES ABOUT
LENA. YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT HER.

YOU CAN TALK ABOUT ANYBODY
ELSE, BUT DON'T MESS WITH THE HORNE.

NOW BE SERIOUS. SOMETHING THAT
WOULD REALLY MAKE ME HAPPY. GUESS.

SOMETHING THAT
WOULD MAKE YOU HAPPY.

PRESIDENT NIXON'S NOT GONNA RUN.

IF HE COMES THROUGH
WATTS, HE WILL.

I MEAN... OH, WELL, YOU
AIN'T GONNA NEVER GET IT.



SO I'LL JUST TELL
YOU. YOU READY?

I GOT IT. I WOKE UP
WITH IT THIS MORNING.

IS IT CONTAGIOUS?

NO. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. I
GOT THE NUMBER FOR TODAY.

OH, POP, DON'T TELL ME
YOU'RE DOING THAT AGAIN.

219. THAT'S IT.

AND DON'T BE SPREADIN' IT AROUND,
'CAUSE I DON'T WANT NOBODY ELSE PLAYING IT.

2-1-9. I THOUGHT YOU WERE
THROUGH WITH THAT FOOLISHNESS.

YOU HAVEN'T PLAYED THE
NUMBERS IN OVER A YEAR.

I AIN'T HAD ONE OF MY SPECIAL
DREAMS IN OVER A YEAR.

OH. YOU HAD ANOTHER
SPECIAL DREAM.

YEAH. I WAS DREAMIN'
THAT I WAS RIDIN' A TRAIN.

ALL NIGHT LONG... KANSAS
CITY, OMAHA, DENVER, CHINA.

CHINA? HOW'D YOU GET
TO CHINA ON A TRAIN?

I TOLD YOU IT WAS ONE
OF MY SPECIAL DREAMS.

I DON'T THINK I WANNA HEAR
ANY MORE. WAIT A MINUTE.

YOU AND YOUR SPECIAL DREAMS.
I'VE HEARD ABOUT 'EM FOR 18 YEARS.

LET ME FINISH TELLING YOU ABOUT
WHAT HAPPENED IN THIS DREAM.

I HAD THIS BIG SUITCASE
BULGING WITH MONEY.

WAS IT THAT BEAT-UP BAG
OF YOURS WITH THE ROPE?

NOPE. IT WAS A BRAND-NEW
VINYL JOB WITH A CHROME HANDLE.

THEN THAT EXPLAINS IT. YOU
PICKED UP THE WRONG SUITCASE.

LET ME EXPLAIN THE DREAM.

I LOOKED IT UP IN LUCKY
LUCILLE'S DREAM BOOK.

SEE HERE? WAIT A
MINUTE. I'LL FIND IT HERE.

I WAS READING IT THIS
MORNING. OH, HERE IT IS.

SEE WHAT IT SAYS?
"RIDING ON A BUS OR A TRAIN.

"NUMBER 219.

"IF YOU DREAM YOU ARE
RIDING ON A BUS OR A TRAIN,

IT MEANS GOOD FORTUNE
WILL SMILE ON YOU THIS DAY."

JUST BECAUSE LUCKY
LUCILLE'S DREAM BOOK SAYS...

THAT THE NUMBER FOR RIDING
ON A BUS OR A TRAIN IS NUMBER 219,

THEN YOU'RE GONNA BET ON
IT? THAT'S NOT THE ONLY REASON.

SEE, GUESS WHAT NUMBER THE
BUS WAS THAT I WAS RIDIN' ON.

WHAT? TWELVE.

NOW ADD UP THE NUMBERS IN 219.

TWO AND ONE IS THREE. AND NINE?

TWELVE. TWELVE. NOW, DON'T
THAT GIVE YOU GOOSE PIMPLES?

NO, IT GIVES ME A PAIN. LISTEN, I DON'T
WANNA HEAR ABOUT THESE NUMBERS.

I WANT YOU TO FORGET ABOUT
'EM. FORGET? IT'S MONEY IN THE BANK.

POP, DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE ODDS
ARE AT WINNING ON THE NUMBERS?

YEAH. SIX HUNDRED TO ONE. IF
YOU BET TEN BUCKS, YOU WIN $6,000.

SIX THOUSAND DOLLARS. WE COULD PAY OFF
THE MORTGAGE AND ALL THIS WOULD BE OURS.

I'D RATHER HAVE THE $10.

IF YOU JUST BET FIVE
BUCKS, YOU GET $3,000.

WE COULD GET A NEW TRUCK AND A
DISHWASHER, A TELEVISION FOR THE BEDROOM...

AND HAVE SOME MONEY LEFT
OVER TO GO TO CHINATOWN.

FORGET IT.

WHAT ABOUT THREE BUCKS? NO.

TWO? I SAID NO.

HOW ABOUT A BUCK?

WHAT IF I FIND NINE OTHER
GUYS TO CHIP IN A DIME APIECE?

LISTEN. I'M TELLING YOU FOR THE LAST
TIME TO FORGET ABOUT THE NUMBERS.

I WANT YOU TO FORGET THESE
GET-RICH-QUICK SCHEMES...

AND START CONCENTRATING ON DOING
AN HONEST DAY'S WORK FOR A CHANGE.

WHO ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT
DOING A HONEST DAY'S WORK? ME?

YEAH, YOU. NOW, MONDAY YOU WERE
SUPPOSED TO STRAIGHTEN OUT THE RADIATORS.

MY BACK WAS KILLING ME.

TUESDAY YOU WERE SUPPOSED
TO PAINT SOME SIGNS FOR THE YARD.

WITH MY ARTHRITIS?

WEDNESDAY YOU WERE SUPPOSED
TO GET THE TUBS TOGETHER.

MY FEET WERE GIVING ME TROUBLE.

YOU KNOW WHAT'S GONNA BE
BOTHERING YOU NEXT? YOUR STOMACH.

BECAUSE I'LL BE GONE
AND IT'LL BE EMPTY.

WELL, I WON'T BE AROUND MUCH LONGER
TO BOTHER YOU. DON'T START THAT AGAIN.

IT'S TRUE. I'LL BE GOING
TO SEE YOUR MOTHER SOON.

AND YOU WON'T HAVE TO
WORRY ABOUT HOW MUCH I EAT.

YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL TO YOURSELF.

YOU'LL JUST BE A
BIG, FAT ORPHAN.

I'VE HEARD THIS
BEFORE SO I'M LEAVING.

YOU'LL WISH YOU'D LISTENED TO
ME WHEN MY NUMBER COMES OUT.

LOOK, YOU. I KNOW EXACTLY HOW MUCH
MONEY YOU'VE GOT IN YOUR POCKETS,

AND IF YOU BET AS MUCH AS ONE
NICKEL ON THE NUMBERS, YOU'LL BE SORRY.

AND YOU'LL BE SORRY
YOU DIDN'T BET WITH ME...

BECAUSE WE COULD WIN A
LOT OF MONEY TOGETHER.

I DON'T WANT ANYTHING FROM YOU
EXCEPT SOME WORK DONE AROUND HERE.

AND THIS IS WHAT I WANT. ONE, I WANT
YOU TO SEPARATE THE BICYCLE PARTS.

TWO, PILE UP THE TIRES.
THREE, STACK THE TUBS.

AND FOUR, CALL THE UNDERTAKER
TO COME TAKE ME AWAY FROM HERE.

LOOK, POP, THAT LITTLE BIT OF
WORK IS NOT GONNA KILL YOU.

NOW, I'M COMING BACK FOR LUNCH AND
I EXPECT TO SEE ALL THIS WORK DONE.

AND REMEMBER... NO NUMBERS.

YOU GOT THAT?

WELL, YOU CAN JUST PUSH
A GUY SO FAR, YOU KNOW.

YOU CAN WORK A MAN SO HARD AND THEN
HE'LL JUST COLLAPSE AND STRETCH OUT.

THAT'S WHAT I'M GONNA DO NOW.

COLLAPSE AND STRETCH OUT.

HEY, POP, I'M HOME.

HEY, POP.

[ Snoring ]

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?

I WAS JUST HELPING YOU WITH YOUR BATH.
WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR BACK SCRUBBED?

YOU THINK YOU'RE SMART. THAT'S A DANGEROUS
THING TO DO, WAKE UP A FELLA LIKE THAT.

WHAT IF I'D HAVE BEEN
UNCONSCIOUS? I KNEW YOU WAS...

I KNEW YOU WAS
UNCONSCIOUS, ALL RIGHT.

WHEN A MAN IS LAYING FLAT ON
HIS BACK AND HIS EYES ARE CLOSED,

AND THERE'S FUNNY LITTLE
SOUNDS COMING OUT OF

HIS NOSE AND HIS MOUTH,
THEN HE'S UNCONSCIOUS.

I SEE YOU GOT A LOT OF
WORK DONE. YOU DIDN'T

DO ONE THING THAT I
ASKED YOU TO DO, DID YOU?

ARE YOU GONNA STAY
IN THIS TUB ALL DAY?

WILL YOU LET ME EXPLAIN? I STARTED
TO DO EVERYTHING... THE TIRES, THE TUBS.

THEN I GOT THIS HOT
FEELING ALL OVER ME.

I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA FAINT.
I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

WHAT DID YOU DO?

YOU KNOW THAT MEDICAL
BOOK YOU BOUGHT CALLED

A THOUSAND AND ONE
DISEASES IN THE HOME?

WELL, I LOOKED IN IT TO
SEE WHAT IT WAS I HAD.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT I GOT? WHAT?

MENOPAUSE.

POP, MENOPAUSE IS
SOMETHING THAT A WOMAN GETS.

WELL, MAYBE I CAUGHT
IT OFF OF SOME WOMAN.

IT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU
CATCH. IT'S WHAT HAPPENS

TO WOMEN WHEN THEY
GET TO A CERTAIN AGE.

I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT
THAT. GET OUT OF THAT TUB.

ALL I KNOW IS YOU DIDN'T
GET NO WORK DONE,

AND YOU'RE STILL NOT
GONNA GET NOTHING DONE...

'CAUSE HERE COMES YOUR FRIEND
BUBBA TO WASTE MORE OF YOUR TIME.

HI, BUBBA. HI, FRED. HI, LAMONT.

WHAT'S UP, BUBBA? FRED, I
DON'T KNOW HOW TO ASK YOU THIS.

GO AHEAD, BUBBA. I
MEAN, GO AHEAD AND ASK.

MAN, I'M BROKE. COULD YOU
LET ME HAVE FIVE BUCKS?

YOU CAUGHT ME AT
A BAD TIME, BUBBA.

I GOT IT.

YOU KNOW, I DID A DUMB
THING THIS MORNING.

I PUT MY LAST TEN
DOLLARS ON A NUMBER.

THOUGHT I HAD A SURE THING.

YOU SEE, I DREAMT I WAS TRIMMING
A CHRISTMAS TREE. THAT'S 374.

RIGHT. COULD'VE WON
$6,000. SIX THOUSAND DOLLARS.

WELL, FRED, THANKS FOR THE FIVE.

WAIT A MINUTE. YOU HAPPEN TO
KNOW WHAT NUMBER CAME OUT TODAY?

THE ONE ON RIDING
A BUS AND TRAIN.

219. THAT'S IT.

219. DID YOU HEAR THAT?

DID YOU HEAR THAT? YOU REMEMBER
I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT MY DREAM.

219, DUMMY.

IF I HAD JUST PUT TEN
BUCKS, I'D HAVE $6,000 NOW.

YEAH, YEAH. BUBBA HAD A DREAM
TOO. YOU CALL THAT A DREAM?

ANYBODY WHO DREAMS
ABOUT TRIMMING A

CHRISTMAS TREE IN
SEPTEMBER IS A BORN LOSER.

IF I'D HAVE BET FIVE
BUCKS, I'D HAVE $3,000.

OKAY, POP. THREE
THOUSAND DOLLARS.

IF I'D HAVE JUST BET THREE
DOLLARS, I'D HAVE 1800. ALL RIGHT.

IF I'D HAVE LISTENED TO YOU, I WOULDN'T
HAVE NOTHING. BUT I DIDN'T LISTEN TO YOU.

I BET A DOLLAR AND WON
600 BUCKS. SIX BIG ONES.

♪ NO ONE TO TALK
WITH ALL BY MYSELF ♪♪

HEY, POP, YOU HOME?

HEY, POP.

YOU UP THERE, POP?

WHERE DID YOU GET THAT RIDICULOUS-LOOKING
OUTFIT? AND WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO HELP ME UNLOAD
THE TRUCK AND YOU JUST DISAPPEARED.

ALLOW ME TO ANSWER YOUR
SECOND QUESTION FIRST.

TO BEGIN WITH, YOU DON'T ASK A
GENTLEMAN WHO HAS JUST WON $600...

TO HELP YOU UNLOAD.

THE GENTLEMAN IS ALREADY LOADED.

HE'S TRYING TO
FIND HIS OWN WAY...

OF UNLOADING THE
LOAD HE'S LOADED WITH.

- SO THAT'S IT.
- YEAH. AND TO ANSWER
YOUR FIRST QUESTION,

THIS RIDICULOUS OUTFIT WAS
PURCHASED AT PHIL'S FASHION BOX.

THEY SAID IT WAS VERY
POPULAR AT THE KENTUCKY DERBY.

YOU MEAN THE ROLLER DERBY.

IT'S ALSO MY TRAVELING
OUTFIT. TRAVELING OUTFIT?

WHERE COULD YOU POSSIBLY BE
GOING IN THAT RIDICULOUS GETUP?

WHERE WOULD YOU GO? GO
SOMEWHERE AND HAVE SOME FUN.

TAKE A TRIP. WHAT WOULD YOU DO
WITH SIX BIG ONES IN YOUR POCKET?

I MEAN, FIVE BIG ONES, 'CAUSE I LEFT
ONE BIG ONE AT PHIL'S FASHION BOX.

WELL, I GUESS I WAS WRONG.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA BE SMART
ABOUT IT AND PUT THAT MONEY IN THE BANK.

THERE'S MORE IMPORTANT THINGS THAT
WE COULD USE THAT MONEY FOR THAN A TRIP.

YOU NAME SOMETHING MORE IMPORTANT
THAN TAKING A TRIP AND MAYBE I WON'T GO.

ALL RIGHT. THE TRUCK
COULD USE FOUR NEW TIRES.

THIS HOUSE COULD STAND A NEW
PAINT JOB AND SOME DECENT FURNITURE.

AND I, FOR ONE, COULD USE A NEW
OUTFIT MYSELF. WHAT DO YOU SAY NOW?

I'LL DROP YOU A POSTCARD.

YOU'RE REALLY
GONNA GO, AREN'T YOU?

YES, I'M GOING. AND YOU
COULD BE GOING TOO IF

YOU HADN'T STOPPED ME
FROM PLAYING THE NUMBER.

YOU MEAN YOU'RE GONNA BLOW $500 ON A TRIP?
DO YOU MIND IF I ASK WHERE YOU'RE GOING?

A PLACE I'VE ALWAYS
WANTED TO GO BEFORE I DIE.

INTRIGUE, EXCITEMENT,
WILDLIFE, BIG GAME.

DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE
GOING TO AFRICA.

NO, I'M GOING TO LAS
VEGAS. SEE RIGHT HERE.

IT FIGURES. YOU WIN SOME MONEY AND NOW
YOU'RE GONNA BLOW IT ON THE CRAP TABLE.

CRAP TABLE? YOU KNOW I CAN'T
SHOOT NO CRAPS WITH MY ARTHRITIS.

BUT IT'S JUST RIGHT FOR HOLDING
THEM HANDLES ON THE SLOT MACHINES.

WELL, I'M NOT GONNA SAY ANOTHER
WORD ABOUT IT. JUST GO AHEAD. HAVE FUN.

I WILL. DON'T EVEN
THINK ABOUT ME.

I WON'T.

I BEGGED YOU NOT TO GO, AND
WHAT WAS YOUR ANSWER? I WENT.

YOU'RE REALLY A SELFISH OLD MAN.

YOU KNOW WHAT IT SAYS IN THE
BIBLE? "GOD LOVETH A CHEERFUL GIVER."

AND THERE'S ANOTHER ONE
IN THERE THAT I LIKE. IT SAYS,

"TAKE THEE CARE OF NUMBER ONE."

[ Knocking ]

THAT MUST BE BUBBA. HE'S
GONNA DRIVE ME TO THE AIRPORT.

- YOU MEAN, YOU'RE GONNA FLY?
- ALL THE TIME I'M GONE.

ETHEL. HELLO,
FRED. HELLO, LAMONT.

FRED, I HEARD ABOUT YOUR GOOD LUCK.
CONGRATULATIONS. ISN'T IT WONDERFUL?

YEAH, YEAH. I'M GOING
TO LAS VEGAS, YOU KNOW.

OH. GOOD.

AND I BROUGHT YOU SOMETHING
TO HELP YOU CELEBRATE.

WHY DON'T YOU SIT OVER HERE?

SOMETHING JUST FOR YOU.
SOMETHING YOU LIKE VERY MUCH.

PIG TAILS AND BLACK-EYED PEAS.

THAT'S SO NICE OF YOU. THANKS.

MMM. DELICIOUS.

YEAH, WELL, I'M SURE GLAD
SOMEBODY CAN ENJOY THEM.

LORD KNOWS I SURE CAN'T.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT? WHAT'S THE MATTER?

YOU DON'T WANNA HEAR ABOUT IT.
WHAT'S THE MATTER, AUNT ETHYL?

IT'S MY GALLBLADDER.

IT'S YOUR WHAT? MY GALLBLADDER.

BUT YOU DON'T WANNA
HEAR ABOUT IT, DO YOU, FRED?

NO, NOT WHILE I'M
EATING PIG TAILS.

WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOUR GALLBLADDER?

PLENTY. THE DOCTOR SAYS IT'S
SUPPOSED TO BE THE SIZE OF A PEAR.

MINE IS THE SIZE OF A
PERSIAN MELON. NO KIDDING.

IMAGINE WALKING AROUND WITH
A PERSIAN MELON INSIDE YOU.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?

I'M SUPPOSED TO HAVE AN OPERATION.
WHEN ARE YOU GONNA HAVE IT?

WHEN I GET THE MONEY.

GUESS I'LL SEE
WHAT'S KEEPING BUBBA.

HOW EXPENSIVE IS THE
OPERATION? VERY EXPENSIVE.

I'VE GOT MOST OF THE MONEY,
BUT I NEED AN EXTRA $200.

BUT YOU DON'T WANT TO
HEAR ABOUT IT, DO YOU, FRED?

GEE WHIZ, BUBBA
OUGHTA BE HERE BY NOW.

I WISH I HAD THE $200 TO GIVE YOU
SO YOU COULD HAVE THAT OPERATION.

BUT, HEY, WAIT A MINUTE. WHY
DON'T WE ASK POP? HE'S GOT IT.

I'M GOING OUTSIDE AND
SEE IF I CAN SEE BUBBA.

POP, DID YOU HEAR THAT?

AUNT ETHEL NEEDS AN OPERATION
ON HER GALLBLADDER REAL BAD.

I THINK WE OUGHTA GIVE IT TO HER.
LAS VEGAS WILL ALWAYS BE THERE.

AND SO WILL HER GALLBLADDER. LOOK,
LET'S LEAVE EVERYTHING WHERE IT IS.

POP, I THINK YOU OUGHTA
HELP. THIS ISN'T JUST ANYBODY.

THIS IS... THIS IS AUNT
ETHYL, MOM'S SISTER.

DID YOU EVER STOP TO THINK YOU
MIGHT BE THE ONE TO SAVE HER LIFE?

WAIT A MINUTE.

SAY, ETHYL, WHAT
DID THE DOCTOR SAY?

I MEAN, IS THERE ANY DANGER IN
CASE YOU DON'T HAVE THE OPERATION?

WHEN WILL YOU BE COMING
BACK FROM LAS VEGAS, FRED?

- TEN DAYS.
- I'LL BE WITH ELIZABETH
BY THEN.

DID YOU HEAR THAT,
POP? YEAH, I HEARD.

I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH PAIN THERE IS HAVING
A GALLBLADDER REMOVED FROM YOUR STOMACH.

BUT I BET IT DON'T
COMPARE WITH THE PAIN OF

HAVING TWO BIG ONES
REMOVED FROM YOUR POCKET.

OH, FRED. DO YOU
MEAN IT? IS THAT FOR ME?

YEAH. GO ON. TAKE IT. OH,
FRED, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

I THINK I'M GONNA CRY.

ME TOO.

FRED, HONEY. THANK
YOU AND BLESS YOU.

BLESS YOU, LAMONT.
BLESS YOU BOTH.

AND BLESS THIS HOUSE.

DON'T SAY NOTHING TO
ME. DON'T SAY A WORD.

YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA KEEP ME FROM GOING
ON MY TRIP. YOU'RE WRONG. I'M GOING ANYHOW.

POP, I WAS JUST GONNA SAY THAT
THAT WAS A NICE THING YOU JUST DID.

DOESN'T IT MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER?
DON'T YOU FEEL WARM INSIDE?

YEAH. LIKE HEARTBURN.

[ Knocking ] THERE'S BUBBA NOW.

LATE BY $200 AND A GALLBLADDER.

I'LL SEE YOU IN FIVE
DAYS INSTEAD OF TEN, SON.

BUBBA, AIN'T YOU GONNA TAKE ME TO THE
AIRPORT? WHAT'S THE MATTER? YOU SICK?

DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE
SICK AND NEED AN

OPERATION 'CAUSE SURGERY
IS CLOSED FOR THE DAY.

HOW COULD SHE DO THAT?
HOW COULD SHE DO THIS TO ME?

HOW COULD WHO DO WHAT TO
YOU? WHO ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

YOU REMEMBER MY EX-WIFE MAXINE?

MAXINE. MAX... IS THAT THE ONE THAT CUT UP
YOUR CLOTHES WHEN SHE LEFT YOU THAT DAY?

YEAH. MAX THE KNIFE.

WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT DID SHE DO?

SHE SUED ME FOR BACK ALIMONY, AND
I DIDN'T HAVE IT, SO THEY TOOK MY CAR.

SO IN OTHER WORDS, YOU
CAN'T DRIVE ME TO THE AIRPORT.

IN OTHER WORDS, I CAN'T DRIVE MYSELF
TO WORK. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO.

WELL, DON'T WORRY.
I'LL CALL MYSELF A TAXI.

HOW MUCH DO YOU NEED TO GET
YOUR CAR BACK? I NEED $250, LAMONT.

IS THAT ALL? DID
YOU HEAR THAT, POP?

ALL BUBBA NEEDS IS
$250 TO GET HIS CAR BACK.

IS THIS THE TAXICAB COMPANY?
THIS IS A SERIOUS EMERGENCY.

YOU GOTTA HELP HIM.
BUBBA'S YOUR BEST FRIEND AND

YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON
THAT CAN HELP HIM OUT.

HE NEEDS $250. I
ONLY GOT 300 LEFT.

BUT, POP, HE WON'T BE ABLE TO GO TO WORK
WITHOUT HIS CAR. BUBBA'S IN BIG TROUBLE.

WHAT ABOUT MY
TRIP? WHAT ABOUT IT?

IF IT WAS THE OTHER WAY AROUND, YOU
KNOW BUBBA WOULD GIVE YOU THAT MONEY.

HE WOULDN'T THINK ABOUT NOTHING
ELSE. WHAT DO YOU SAY, POP?

I SAY, "GOOD-BYE, LAS
VEGAS. HELLO, WATTS."

BUBBA, HERE'S THE
MONEY FOR YOUR CAR.

GEE, FRED, I REALLY
DO APPRECIATE THIS.

DON'T YOU KISS ME, BUBBA.

I'M GOING TO GET THE CAR AND
DRIVE YOU TO THE AIRPORT. FOR WHAT?

TO WATCH THE PLANES TAKE OFF
AND LAND? I AIN'T GOT NO MONEY.

I CAN'T GO NOWHERE. I'M
SORRY ABOUT THAT, FRED.

BUT, YOU SEE, YOU SAVED MY LIFE.
BLESS YOU, FRED. BLESS YOU, LAMONT.

BLESS THIS HOUSE.

SATISFIED NOW, HUH? I'M BROKE. THAT'S
WHAT YOU WANTED SO I COULDN'T GO NOWHERE.

POP, YOU GAVE THAT MONEY TO AUNT ETHEL
AND BUBBA BECAUSE YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON.

YOU ARE. YOU DON'T WANT TO
ADMIT IT, BUT YOU'VE GOT A BIG HEART.

IT'S NOT MY BIG HEART THAT GOT
ME BROKE. IT WAS YOUR BIG MOUTH.

ALL I KNOW IS YOU DID TWO NICE
THINGS TODAY AND YOU STILL GOT $50 LEFT.

YOU WANT IT? THERE
IT IS. TAKE IT. IT'S YOURS.

I COULDN'T TAKE IT. IT'S YOUR MONEY.
TAKE IT BACK. WHAT DO I NEED IT FOR?

[ Knocking ] FOR WHAT? HERE
COMES ANOTHER TOUCH HERE NOW.

MR. SANFORD? YES.

AH, MR. SANFORD, I'M WITH
THE LOS ANGELES TIMES.

WE'RE DOING AN IN-DEPTH STORY ON
PEOPLE WHO WIN THESE... PRIVATE LOTTERIES.

I HEARD YOU HIT THE NUMBER
TODAY. WHERE'D YOU HEAR THAT?

WE HAVE OUR WAYS.
I'D LIKE TO GET A PICTURE

OF YOU HOLDING UP
YOUR WINNINGS, IF I COULD.

THAT'S REALLY TOO BAD. MY POP GAVE MOST
OF THE MONEY AWAY TO FRIENDS WHO NEEDED IT.

ALL THAT'S LEFT IS THIS
$50. OH, THAT'S IT, HUH?

THAT'S IT. THAT'S ALL THERE IS.

WELL, IF THAT'S ALL THERE IS,
THAT'S ALL THERE IS. I'LL TAKE IT.

GREAT DAY IN THE
MORNING. IT'S A STICKUP.

YOU'RE NOT FROM THE
LOS ANGELES TIMES.

IF I WAS, WOULD I BE
DOING THIS, DUMMY?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

IN CASE ANYBODY ELSE COME IN
ASKING ME FOR SOME OF MY WINNINGS...

[ Yawning ]

WHAT'S THE MATTER? DIDN'T
YOU SLEEP WELL LAST NIGHT?

[ Mumbling ]

COULD YOU REPEAT
THAT AGAIN, PLEASE?

I SAID, "TERRIBLE. I WAS UP
ALL NIGHT. I HAD A NIGHTMARE."

NO KIDDING. WHAT
KIND OF NIGHTMARE?

I WAS DREAMING I WAS WALKING
DOWN THE STREET WITH NO CLOTHES ON.

WELL, THAT MUST'VE BEEN A NIGHTMARE
FOR THE PEOPLE ON THE STREET TOO.

THEN A COP STARTED CHASING
ME. THAT'S A NIGHTMARE, ALL RIGHT.

AND IT TURNED OUT THAT
THE COP WAS A WOMAN.

UH-OH. NOW THE NIGHTMARE
BECOMES A FANTASY.

AND SHE WAS CHASING ME AND
SHE FINALLY CAUGHT UP WITH ME.

SHE WAS WRITING ME A TICKET WHEN
SHE NOTICED I DIDN'T HAVE NO POCKETS.

THEN SHE STARTED
CHASING ME AGAIN.

THAT'S A COMMON DREAM. WALKING
DOWN THE STREET WITH NO CLOTHES ON.

LOTS OF PEOPLE
HAVE THAT DREAM, POP.

OH, YEAH? I DIDN'T
MEET ANYONE I KNEW.

IT WAS TERRIBLE.

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?

LET ME LOOK IN MY BOOK.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M GONNA SEE WHAT LUCKY LUCILLE'S
GOT TO SAY ABOUT THAT DREAM.

OH, POP. THAT'S RIGHT.
HERE IT IS RIGHT HERE.

HERE IT IS. "DREAMING
ABOUT WALKING AND/OR

RUNNING DOWN THE
STREET WITH NO CLOTHES ON.

NUMBER 186."

186. THAT'S UNBELIEVABLE. WHY?

THAT'S WHAT I WEIGH BUCK NAKED.

I AIN'T GONNA LET NO
HUNCH LIKE THIS PASS ME BY.

DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE GONNA
PLAY THE NUMBERS AGAIN.

I'M GOING TO THE POOL HALL
NOW AND PUT MY NUMBERS IN.

WHAT ARE YOU TAKING
A SUITCASE FOR?

BECAUSE THIS TIME WHEN I WIN, I'M GOING
FROM THE POOL HALL STRAIGHT TO THE AIRPORT.

BYE.

[ Man ] SANFORD AND SON IS RECORDED
ON TAPE BEFORE A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE.

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