Sanford and Son (1972–1977): Season 2, Episode 21 - Home Sweet Home for the Aged - full transcript

Before setting off to sail the world aboard a tramp steamer, Lamont must convince Fred to move into a retirement home.

LET ME HELP YOU OUT, POP.
NEVER MIND. I'LL DO IT MYSELF.

WHY DID WE GO ON THAT LONG
RIDE? THAT SURE WAS DUMB.

YEAH, BUT I THOUGHT YOU'D ENJOY A NICE
RIDE ON A SUNDAY AFTERNOON AT THE BEACH.

HOW ABOUT THE AIR OUT THERE?

IT STUNK.

- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- SEAWEED, GARBAGE
AND DEAD FISH.

YEAH, BUT WHAT
ABOUT THE OCEAN VIEW?

I SAW WHAT I SMELLED.

GARBAGE, SEAWEED AND DEAD FISH.

LET ME GET THE
DOOR FOR YOU, POP.

I BET WE MISSED A GOOD MOVIE
ON TELEVISION FOOLING AROUND.



THEY SHOW GOOD MOVIES
ON SUNDAY AFTERNOONS.

LET ME SEE HERE.

I KNEW IT. SEE WHAT WE MISSED?

DAGORA, THE SPACE MONSTER,
WITH YOSUKE NATSUKI...

AND-AND YOKI FUJIYAMA.

- WHO ARE THEY?
- THEY'RE JAPANESE ACTORS.

WHAT DID YOU THINK THEY WERE,
A COUPLE OF MOTORCYCLES?

I BET IT WAS A GOOD
ONE TOO. LOOK AT THIS.

"CREATURES FROM OUTER
SPACE START A WAVE...

OF INTERNATIONAL
JEWEL ROBBERIES."

YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT WAS THE ONE WHERE
THE MONSTER EATS ALL THE TIFFANY STORES.

- AND WE MISSED IT.
- I'M SORRY, POP.

MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE. TAKE OFF YOUR
SHOES, AND I'LL BRING YOU SOME SLIPPERS.

AND I'LL GO GET YOU A DRINK.



LISTEN, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO BE NICE TO ME.

YOU ALREADY RUINED MY SUNDAY
AFTERNOON WITH THAT LONG RIDE...

IN THE PICKUP TRUCK
WITH NO SHOCK ABSORBERS.

I DON'T NEED NO SLIPPERS.
FOR WHERE YOU GIVE ME A PAIN,

I NEED A RUBBER SEAT CUSHION.

HERE YOU GO, POP. HAVE A BEER,

AND I'M GONNA TELL YOU WHY
I TOOK YOU OUT TO THE BEACH.

DO YOU REMEMBER ALL THOSE
NICE HOMES THAT WE PASSED...

THAT LOOKED LIKE
RICH, PRIVATE HOMES?

MM-HMM. WELL, THEY'RE NOT.

JUST TAKE A LOOK AT THESE, POP.

"THE GARDEN OF EDEN
RETIREMENT HOTEL."

"THE SILVER SWAN
FOR SENIOR CITIZENS."

"THE PINK PANTHER PATIO
HOME FOR THE AGED."

SAY, THESE ARE OLD FOLKS'
HOMES. I AIN'T INTERESTED IN THAT.

YEAH, BUT THERE'S A LOT OF
PEOPLE YOUR AGE LIVING IN 'EM, POP.

THEY CAN BE FUN PLACES
TO LIVE IN. YEAH, A LOT OF FUN.

CURTIS HICKS'S FATHER WAS IN ONE,
AND HE TOLD ME JUST WHAT THEY'RE LIKE.

- WHAT DID HE TELL YOU?
- HE SAID WHEN THEY
LOCK YOU UP AT NIGHT,

IF YOU BANG ON THE
DOOR AND TRY TO ESCAPE,

THEY SEND A 300-POUND NURSE
AROUND THERE TO SIT ON YOU...

UNTIL YOU'RE UNCONSCIOUS.

POP, THAT'S JUST A
BUNCH OF NONSENSE.

AND HE SAID THE
FOOD WAS SO BAD...

THE OATMEAL WAS SO RUNNY HE
HAD TO SUCK IT THROUGH A STRAW.

AND THE STEALING. THE STEALING
THAT GOES ON. IT'S HORRIBLE.

HE SAID ONE NIGHT A GUY
SNEAKS INTO HIS ROOM...

AND STOLE HIS FALSE
TEETH OUT OF THE GLASS.

AND THE NEXT MORNING,
HE MET HIM IN THE HALL,

AND HE SMILED AT HIM
WITH HIS OWN TEETH.

POP, THOSE ARE JUST A
BUNCH OF RIDICULOUS STORIES.

WELL, LISTEN, WHY ARE YOU INTERESTED
IN THOSE PLACES FOR ANYWAY?

WELL, I'VE GIVEN THIS
A LOT OF THOUGHT, POP,

AND I'M REALLY
THINKING ABOUT YOU.

THIS IS THE HARDEST DECISION
THAT I EVER HAD TO MAKE.

POP, I WANT YOU TO GO
INTO ONE OF THEM HOMES.

WHAT? ME?

YEAH. SEE, I'M GONNA
BE GOING AWAY SOON...

GOING AWAY? AND I CAN'T
LEAVE YOU HERE ALONE.

GOING AWAY WHERE?

WELL, NOW, I THOUGHT ABOUT
THIS FOR A LONG TIME, POP,

AND I'M GONNA FEEL
BETTER IF I KNOW YOU'RE IN

A PLACE WHERE THEY'LL
TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU.

NEVER MIND THE SPEECH.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

I'M GOING AROUND THE
WORLD ON A TRAMP STEAMER.

GOING WHERE?

I'M GOING AROUND THE
WORLD ON A TRAMP STEAMER.

I NEVER HEARD NOTHING SO
FUNNY IN MY... WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

YOU GOING AROUND THE
WORLD IN A TRAMP STEAMER.

LISTEN, I REMEMBER ONE TIME I
RENTED A BOAT FOR AN HOUR...

AND HAD TO COME BACK IN 15
MINUTES BECAUSE YOU WAS BARFING.

POP, I WAS JUST A LITTLE KID THEN,
FULL OF COTTON CANDY AND SODA POP.

LISTEN, WHERE YOU GET THIS IDEA TO
GO AROUND THE WORLD WITH A TRAMP?

A TRAMP STEAMER.

SEE, I READ THIS AD
IN A MAGAZINE, POP,

AND I STARTED THINKING TO MYSELF,
I'M NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER.

ONE OF THESE DAYS I'LL BE AN OLD MAN,
AND WHAT HAVE I DONE, WHERE HAVE I BEEN?

YOU'VE BEEN TO DISNEYLAND.

I'M TALKING ABOUT
TRAVEL, ADVENTURE, POP.

I WANT TO VISIT JUNGLES,
DESERTS, MOUNTAINTOPS.

WELL, THEY GOT
THAT AT DISNEYLAND.

SEE, YOU JUST AIN'T
BEEN ON ALL THE RIDES.

NOW, I'M SERIOUS ABOUT
THIS, AND YOU'RE JOKING.

POP, I WANT TO HEAR
STRANGE LANGUAGES...

AND SEE SOME STRANGE PEOPLE.

YOU WANT TO SEE
SOME STRANGE PEOPLE?

THEN GO TO ST. LOUIS AND
LOOK UP YOUR MOTHER'S PEOPLE.

DO YOU WANT TO HEAR
ABOUT THIS OR DON'T YOU?

I DON'T CARE IF I HEAR ABOUT IT
OR NOT. DON'T BE BOTHERING ME.

SEE, POP, THE AD SAID THAT YOU CAN
WORK YOUR WAY, AND IT TAKES ABOUT A YEAR.

NOW, LISTEN TO SOME OF
THIS STUFF THAT YOU CAN DO.

IT SAYS, "YOU CAN BE STRETCHED
OUT ON SOME TROPICAL BEACH...

"EATING EXOTIC FRUITS.

"YOU CAN BE PEARL
FISHING IN A CORAL SEA.

"IVORY TRANSPORTING
UP THE COAST OF AFRICA.

WHALE HUNTING OFF ANTARCTICA."

SHIPWRECKED OFF CATALINA.

THAT'S JUST ABOUT
AS FAR AS YOU'D GET.

SAY, HOW MANY OF YOU
ALL ARE GOING ON THIS TRIP?

WELL, THE AD SAID THERE'D
BE A CREW OF ABOUT 20.

ALL MEN? NATURALLY, POP.

THIS IS A REAL
CHALLENGE, A RISK.

THIS IS WHAT SEPARATES
THE MEN FROM THE BOYS.

YOU JUST MAKE SURE THAT YOU KNOW HOW
TO SEPARATE THE MEN FROM THE FRUITCAKES.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I'M
TALKING ABOUT YOU MIGHT GO ON THIS TRIP...

AND COME BACK WITH AN EARRING
IN ONE EAR... AND WALKING FUNNY.

POP, THIS IS A BUNCH OF MEN
ON A SHIP WORKING TOGETHER.

WELL, JUST DON'T BE
SURPRISED ONE NIGHT...

WHILE YOU'RE ON THE HIGH
SEAS IF THE FIRST MATE SAYS,

[ Deep Voice ] "WOULD YOU
SWAB THE DECK, HONEY?"

I KNEW YOU'D PUT IT
DOWN, BUT IT'S NOT GONNA

CHANGE MY MIND. I'M
GONNA GO THROUGH WITH IT.

I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT. I'M
GOING TO MY ROOM. WAIT A MINUTE, POP.

I WAS GOING TO TAKE YOU OUT TO
SUNDAY DINNER. I'M NOT HUNGRY.

SEE, NOW I KNOW WHY
YOU'RE SO NICE TO ME.

"LET ME GET YOUR SLIPPERS, POP.
LET ME OPEN THE DOOR FOR YOU, POP."

WELL, I DON'T WANT TO
WISH YOU NO BAD LUCK,

BUT I HOPE YOUR SHIP SINKS.

WITH NO LIFEBOATS.

AND NO LIFE PRESERVERS.

AND A SCHOOL OF PIRANHAS
SURROUNDING YOU AND CLOSING IN.

YOU BIG DUMMY.

JUST SIT OVER HERE,
POP. DON'T TOUCH ME.

HEY, THIS IS A NICE
PLACE, ISN'T IT, POP?

LOOK AT THIS. "THIS
WEEK'S ENTERTAINMENT...

"MONDAY NIGHT,
BINGO. TUESDAY NIGHT,

DR. TOLBERT WILL LECTURE ON THE
CAUSE AND CURE OF CONSTIPATION."

WEDNESDAY MORNING, BINGO.

YOU KNOW, POP, I THINK YOU'RE
REALLY GONNA LIKE IT HERE.

WE WERE LUCKY TO
GET IN THIS PLACE.

I HOPE THE SHARKS GET YOU.

NOW, YOU SAID YOU WERE
GONNA GO THROUGH WITH

THIS, POP. DON'T START
NOTHIN' NOW, PLEASE.

I'LL START SOMETHING. I'LL LET
EVERYBODY KNOW WHAT KIND OF SON I GOT.

MY SON IS GOING AROUND THE
WORLD WITH A BUNCH OF FRUITCAKES!

SHH! POP!

DON'T SHUSH ME.

YOU GOT ME HERE. THAT'S
WHAT YOU WANTED, AIN'T IT?

WELL, GO ON BACK TO YOUR DUMB SHIP.
JUST GO ON BACK AND LEAVE ME ALONE.

LISTEN, POP. YOU MIGHT EVEN
LEARN TO LIKE THIS PLACE...

GOOD AFTERNOON, GENTLEMEN.
I'M MISS ECKER. AND YOU'RE MR...

SANFORD. THIS IS MY FATHER, FRED
SANFORD. WE TALKED ON THE PHONE EARLIER.

OH, YES. WELL, WELCOME
ABOARD, MR. SANFORD.

JUST WHAT THIS PLACE
NEEDS... NEW BLOOD.

YOU KNOW, WE'RE
FULLY INTEGRATED HERE.

I KNOW YOU'RE FULLY SOMETHING.

AND WHAT HAVE WE IN OUR BAG?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
WE HAVE IN OUR BAG,

BUT I KNOW WHAT I GOT IN MY BAG.

I MEAN, IS IT FULL OF
CLOTHES AND MISCELLANEOUS?

NO, IT'S FULL OF WINE
BOTTLES AND A CORKSCREW.

DIDN'T MY SON TELL
YOU? I'M A WINO.

WELL, POP'S ALWAYS
KIDDING. HE'S A GREAT KIDDER.

I'M NOT KIDDING. I'M
A TROUBLEMAKER.

AND I WANT EVERYBODY TO KNOW
IT. DON'T STOP ME. AND LISTEN.

IF I DON'T GET EVERYTHING I WANT
HERE, I'LL GO ON A HUNGER STRIKE.

OH, HO-HO. MR. SANFORD, I'M SURE
YOU'LL GET EVERYTHING YOU WANT.

WE HAVE A MARVELOUS
PROGRAM HERE...

RECREATIONAL AS
WELL AS OCCUPATIONAL.

DO YOU LIKE LEATHERCRAFT? YOU KNOW,
YOU COULD MAKE YOUR SON A WALLET.

MY SON DON'T WANT NO WALLET.

WHEN HE COMES BACK OFF THIS
TRIP, HE GONNA WANT A PURSE.

- I-I BEG YOUR PARDON?
- UH, NOTHING.

SEE, HE'S GOING ON AN AROUND-THE-WORLD
TOUR WITH A BUNCH OF FRUITCAKES.

SO SAY BON VOYAGE
TO THE AFRICAN QUEEN.

LISTEN, DON'T PAY ANY ATTENTION
TO MY FATHER, MISS ECKER.

HE'S ALWAYS MAKING
FUNNIES. RIGHT, POP?

I WOULDN'T WORRY
ABOUT HIM, MR. SANFORD.

THEY'RE ALWAYS A
LITTLE UPSET AT FIRST.

WE'LL TAKE CARE OF HIM.
HE'LL BE IN GOOD HANDS.

OH, WHY DON'T I SHOW YOU TO
YOUR ROOM, MR. SANFORD? ALL RIGHT?

- ANYTHING YOU SAY. MISS OKRA.
- UH, ECKER. ECKER.

I HAVE THIS NICE ROOM RIGHT ACROSS
THE HALL FROM ME. WON'T THAT BE COZY?

JUST DON'T START NO FUNNY STUFF.

SEE, YOU MIGHT BE FULLY INTEGRATED,
BUT I AIN'T CROSSED THAT BRIDGE YET.

RIGHT THIS WAY, MR. SANFORD.

OH, MR. MALLOY, I'D
LIKE YOU TO MEET...

OUR NEWEST SENIOR
CITIZEN, MR. SANFORD.

HI. HOW WOULD YOU LIKE A
NICE GAME OF SHUFFLEBOARD?

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE
ONE ACROSS YOUR LIP?

MAYBE LATER, MR. MALLOY. EH?

MAYBE LATER. HOW MUCH
LATER? I'M 89 YEARS OLD.

WE'RE GOING TO GET
SETTLED FIRST, MR. MALLOY.

WE'LL SEE YOU LATER.
IN HERE, MR. SANFORD.

I'D KNOCK HIM OUT. HE MIGHT
HAVE HAD A REACH ON ME,

BUT I'D HAVE DUCKED UNDER THAT, AND
THEN I WOULD HAVE KNOCKED HIM OUT...

HEY, OLD-TIMER. WHAT'S HAPPENING?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "OLD-TIMER"?

I'M HAVING A FIT, THAT'S WHAT'S HAPPENING.
YOU WANT ME TO FIT THIS UPSIDE YOUR NOSE?

LIKE TO TRY IT? YEAH,
I'LL TRY IT. COME ON IN.

ALL RIGHT. GO AHEAD,
MISTER. GO AHEAD, MISTER.

I'LL HURT HIM! DON'T
HOLD ME! COME ON, NOW!

COME ON. COME ON.

COME ON!

POP, WHAT ARE YOU STARTING
A FIGHT WITH EVERYBODY FOR?

DON'T SAY NOTHING TO ME. I'LL GIVE YOU
ONE OF THESE FOR A GOOD-BYE PRESENT.

LET'S GO. DON'T TOUCH ME.

HEY, POP, LOOK AT THIS ROOM!

THIS IS GREAT, ISN'T IT? THIS IS
BETTER THAN THE ONE AT HOME.

OH, I KNOW YOU'LL
ENJOY IT, MR. SANFORD.

THE MAN WHO WAS HERE
BEFORE FOUND IT VERY PLEASANT.

GOD REST HIS SOUL.

WELL, I'LL LEAVE YOU TWO TO
SAY GOOD-BYE TO EACH OTHER.

LUNCH IS AT 1:00
SHARP, MR. SANFORD.

UH... [ Chuckles ] GUESS
WHAT WE'RE HAVING TODAY?

SPAGHETTI AND
CODFISH CAKES! YUMMY!

WELL, LET ME HELP YOU
UNPACK. DON'T TOUCH MY BAG.

I'LL DO THIS BY MYSELF.

WELL, I GUESS I'LL BE GOING.

HEY, POP, LISTEN. I'LL WRITE
YOU AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT YOU CAN DO? SAVE
THE STAMPS, START A STAMP COLLECTION.

WHOOPIE.

WELL, I GUESS I'LL BE GOING.

HEY, POP, YOU DO
UNDERSTAND, DON'T YOU?

I MEAN, THIS IS SOMETHING
THAT I GOTTA DO.

BUT LISTEN, I'M NOT GONNA LEAVE UNTIL I
GET EVERYTHING SETTLED WITH THE HOUSE.

SO THAT MEANS I'LL BE
COMING BACK TO SEE YOU.

SO LONG, POP.

BYE, POP.

WELL, ELIZABETH,

WE'RE ALL ALONE
NOW, JUST ME AND YOU.

[ Knocking ]

WHATEVER IT IS, I
DON'T WANT NONE OF IT!

I DON'T WANT TO PLAY NO SHUFFLEBOARD,
I DON'T WANT TO PLAY NO CHECKERS...

AND I DON'T WANT TO
WEAVE NO DAMN BASKETS!

[ Knocking ]

WILL YOU GO AWAY?
I'M SMOKING POT.

[ Bubba ] HEY, FRED, IT'S ME.

BUBBA! HEY, FRED!

BUBBA! I'M GLAD
TO SEE YOU, BUBBA!

OH, IT'S GOOD TO
SEE YOU, TOO, FRED.

WHAT YOU GOT THERE? I
BROUGHT YOU SOMETHING.

WHAT IS IT? SOME
FOOD FROM THE GHETTO.

I STOPPED OFF AT LEO'S BARBECUE
AND BROUGHT YOU SOME RIBS.

OH, BUBBA, I COULD CRY. BUT
FIRST I'M GONNA EAT THESE RIBS.

SIT DOWN.

BOY, THIS SMELLS GOOD,
BUBBA. IS THE FOOD BAD HERE?

IS IT BAD? IT AIN'T
GOT NO TASTE.

IT'S LIKE... LIKE EATING
A HANDKERCHIEF.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

YOU COULD HAVE A MEAL
HERE AND THEN BELCH,

AND IT WOULDN'T
REMIND YOU OF NOTHING.

- THAT BAD, HUH?
- OH, IT'S BAD, BUBBA.

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT, THAT
PICTURE? AIN'T THAT SOMETHING?

I'M SPENDING MY LAST
DAYS ON EARTH HERE,

AND THEY GOT A
PICTURE OF AN INDIAN.

LEAST THEY COULD DO IS
GIVE ME A PICTURE OF JESUS.

I CAN BRING YOU ONE, FRED.

I GOT ONE AT HOME WHERE THE
EYES FOLLOW YOU AROUND THE ROOM.

NO, I DON'T WANT THAT, BUBBA.

[ Knocking ]

HI. HOW'S ABOUT A
GAME OF HORSESHOES?

NO, WE DON'T WANT TO PLAY NO
HORSESHOES. I GOT A VISITOR HERE.

HOW ABOUT YOU? YOU WANT
TO PLAY SOME HORSESHOES?

- NO, THANKS.
- NOBODY WANTS TO PLAY
HORSESHOES ANYMORE.

WHAT'S HAPPENING TO AMERICA?

WHO'S THAT? JUST SOME GUY,
ALWAYS WANTS TO PLAY HORSESHOES.

I THINK HE'S GOT ONE MORE
GAME OF HORSESHOES LEFT IN HIM,

AND I DON'T WANT TO BE
AROUND WHEN HE PLAYS IT.

[ Knocking ] WHO IS IT?

IT'S ME, MR. SANFORD.
MISS ECKER.

I WONDERED WHETHER YOU'D LIKE TO
COME DOWN TO THE RECREATION ROOM...

AND HEAR A LECTURE
BY DR. TOLBERT.

THE SUBJECT TODAY IS
"YOU AND YOUR PANCREAS."

OH, NO, I DON'T THINK SO.

WELL, IT'S GOING TO BE AN
ILLUSTRATED LECTURE WITH MOVIES.

WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO SEE HOW
YOUR PANCREAS BREAKS DOWN...

ALL YOUR CARBOHYDRATES?

NO, I DON'T LIKE THEM MOVIES
WITH ALL THAT VIOLENCE IN IT.

WELL, I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

SEE THAT, BUBBA? IT'S LIKE THAT ALL
DAY LONG. THEY JUST RUN YOU RAGGED.

I'VE BEEN HERE A COUPLE OF DAYS,

AND I WORE OUT TWO
PAIR OF SHOES ALREADY.

MAN, I SURE WISH YOU
WERE BACK HOME, FRED.

I DO, TOO, BUBBA. BUT THIS IS
THE WAY LAMONT WANTED IT.

- SAY, DID THE DUMMY LEAVE YET?
- NOT YET.

YOU THINK HE'LL REALLY
GO? YEAH, HE SAID HE'S GOING.

BECAUSE I WANT TO TELL YOU,
HE REALLY MISSES YOU ALREADY.

- REALLY?
- YEAH.

HE TOLD ME HE NEVER THOUGHT
HE'D MISS YOU THIS MUCH.

- GOOD.
- I'LL TELL YOU
WHAT ELSE HE TOLD ME.

HE TOLD ME IT'S STRANGE
BEING IN THAT HOUSE ALONE.

HE SAID HE SEEMS TO HEAR
YOUR VOICE ALL THE TIME.

AND HE'S GONNA HEAR MY
VOICE THE REST OF HIS LIFE...

SAYING JUST ONE WORD OVER
AND OVER... DUMMY, DUMMY, DUMMY.

WELL, GUESS I'LL BE GOING, FRED.

SAY, LOOK HERE, BUBBA.

IS IT TRUE... SWEAR
TO GOD, BUBBA...

THAT HE SAID THAT HE
HEARS MY VOICE ALL THE TIME?

- THAT'S RIGHT.
- YOU GOT YOUR CAR WITH YOU?

- YEAH. WHY?
- I WANT YOU TO DROP ME
OFF SOMEWHERE,

AND I'LL TELL YOU
ABOUT IT ON THE WAY.

OKAY, FRED. HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.

I BETTER TAKE THESE WITH ME, 'CAUSE
DR. TOLBERT MIGHT GIVE A LECTURE...

ON "ME AND MY RIBS."

[ Knocking ]

OH, HI, BUBBA. HEY, LAMONT.

SAY, IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE GONNA
WEAR ON YOUR TRIP AROUND THE WORLD?

YEAH, BUBBA. IT'S
A PEA COAT. YEAH?

DID YOU KNOW THAT
WHEN YOU BOUGHT IT?

THAT'S WHAT IT'S CALLED, BUBBA.

IT'S A NAVY PEA COAT. OH.

- HOUSE SURE SEEMS EMPTY
SINCE YOUR POP'S BEEN GONE.
- IT DOES, DOESN'T IT, BUBBA.

LOOK AT THAT. HE MUST
HAVE FORGOT TO TAKE HIS HAT.

HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT, BUBBA? I GAVE
POP THIS HAT FOR HIS 65th BIRTHDAY.

LOOK AT THAT. YOU SEE THEM
INITIALS? F.S... FRED SANFORD.

YOU KNOW WHAT HE TOLD ME
THOSE INITIALS STOOD FOR? FINE SON.

HE TOLD YOU THAT? YEAH. YOU
KNOW WHAT ELSE HE TOLD ME?

HE TOLD ME HE UNDERSTOOD
WHY YOU HAD TO GO AWAY.

JUST AS LONG AS YOU ALWAYS REMEMBER
WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE AND HOW HE SOUNDS.

BY THE WAY, DO YOU STILL SEEM TO BE
HEARING HIS VOICE HERE IN THE HOUSE?

YEAH, BUBBA, AND
IT'S REALLY WEIRD.

LAMONT! LAMONT!

- DID YOU HEAR THAT, BUBBA?
- HEAR WHAT?

POP'S VOICE. IT
WASN'T MY IMAGINATION.

- I REALLY HEARD IT THAT TIME.
- I DIDN'T HEAR NOTHING.

I SWEAR I HEARD IT, BUBBA.

DON'T GO, LAMONT!

NOW, DON'T TELL ME YOU
DIDN'T HEAR IT THAT TIME, BUBBA.

YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK? THAT
SOUNDED LIKE IT CAME FROM UPSTAIRS.

I THINK POP'S IN THIS
HOUSE SOMEWHERE.

DON'T GO, SON! DON'T GO!

IT SOUNDS LIKE IT CAME FROM
DOWN HERE! TAKE IT EASY, LAMONT.

TAKE IT EASY. HERE.
SIT DOWN AND RELAX.

I'LL TAKE A LOOK
OUTSIDE. YOU JUST SIT.

WELL, AIN'T NOTHING OUT THERE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK, LAMONT?

I THINK IT'S BECAUSE YOU TWO SPENT
ALL THOSE YEARS IN THIS HOUSE TOGETHER.

I'LL BET WHEN YOU GET OUT IN THAT
OCEAN, YOU WON'T HEAR IT NO MORE.

DON'T YOU THINK SO? I DON'T
KNOW, BUBBA. I DON'T KNOW.

WELL, IN CASE I DON'T SEE
YOU, HAVE A GOOD TRIP.

OH. YEAH, THANKS,
BUBBA. THANKS A LOT.

OKAY. SO LONG,
LAMONT. SO LONG, BUBBA.

PSST!

DID THE DUMMY GO FOR IT? YEAH!

DUMMY! DUMMY!

I'M CERTAINLY SORRY TO
SEE YOU GO, MR. SANFORD.

BUT OF COURSE I'M
GLAD YOU'RE GOING HOME.

WHAT MADE YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND
ABOUT TAKING THAT TRIP, YOUNG MAN?

WELL, A LITTLE VOICE JUST SEEMED TO COME
TO ME AND SAY NOW WASN'T THE TIME TO DO IT.

I'M SORRY YOU WON'T BE HERE FOR THE LECTURE
THIS AFTERNOON. IT'LL BE A GOOD ONE.

WHAT'S IT ABOUT? "YOU
AND YOUR GALL BLADDER"?

OH, NO. DR. TOLBERT'S
SUBJECT FOR TODAY IS...

"DO WE EXPECT TOO MUCH
FROM OUR CHILDREN?"

OH, I DON'T HAVE TO
WORRY ABOUT THAT,

BECAUSE MY KID GIVES
ME EVERYTHING I EXPECT.

RIGHT, SON? RIGHT, POP.

ISN'T THAT NICE? WELL, GOOD-BYE,
MR. SANFORD, AND GOOD LUCK.

GOOD-BYE. YEAH,
GOOD-BYE, MISS OKRA.

UH, ECKER. YEAH.

OH, I FORGOT MY SUITCASE.

COME ON, ELIZABETH. LET'S
GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.

OH, BUBBA... WELL, I'LL SEE
YOU SUNDAY NIGHT, POP.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT? WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

OH, DIDN'T I TELL YOU? ROLLO
AND I IS TAKING THE PICKUP TRUCK,

AND WE'RE GONNA
DRIVE TO SAN DIEGO.

YOU MEAN YOU'RE GONNA
LEAVE ME HERE ALL ALONE?

LISTEN, YOU SAID I COULDN'T GO AROUND THE
WORLD, BUT I CAN AT LEAST GO TO SAN DIEGO.

LISTEN, SON...
I'LL SEE YOU, POP.

DON'T LEAVE ME HERE BY MYSELF.

SAY, YOU DON'T MIND IF LAMONT
GOES TO SAN DIEGO, DO YOU?

I MEAN, THAT'S NOT LIKE LEAVING
YOU AND GOING AROUND THE WORLD.

NO, BUT EVERY NOW AND THEN, I
GOT TO TELL HIM A FEW THINGS...

BEFORE HE JUST TAKES
ON OFF AND LEAVES.

IT'S LIKE PSYCHOLOGY.

OH, IS THAT HOW YOU KEEP LAMONT
AT HOME? WITH PSYCHOLOGY?

WELL, THAT AND THE KEYS
TO THE TRUCK. [ Bubba Laughing ]

[ Man ] SANFORD AND SON
IS RECORDED ON TAPE...

BEFORE A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE.