Samurai Jack (2001–2017): Season 2, Episode 3 - Episode XVI - Jack and the Smackback - full transcript
Samurai Jack is ambushed while he's sleeping and taken to the Dome of Doom. There he is given the name 'Two Sandles' and has to fight to the death for the spectators amusement.
Long ago in a distant land...
...I, Aku, the shape-shifting
master of darkness...
...unleashed an unspeakable evil.
But a foolish samurai warrior
wielding a magic sword...
...stepped forth to oppose me.
Before the final blow was struck...
...I tore open a portal in time,
and flung him into the future...
...where my evil is law.
Now the fool seeks
to return to the past...
...and undo the future that is Aku.
Move it, slave. Pick it up.
Don't worry,
you'll get used to it soon enough.
-What do you mean?
-Silence! No talking, slave.
Halt.
-What is--?
-No talking.
lt is no use.
There is no escape.
What is this place?
Why have we been brought here?
These things are of no importance now.
When daybreak comes, you will fight.
-And then you will be no more.
-What?
He's right.
None can survive in the Dome of Doom.
Come on, wake up. lt's showtime.
Come on, move it.
And now, without any delay,
the first challenger of the day.
Weighing in at 280 septiles...
...Poogle the Pitiful.
Facing the 1 2-time champion
of the ring...
...the minister of agony,
the baron of brutality...
...the coroner of carnage,
the dealer of destruction...
...Gordo the Gruesome.
Well, how about that, folks?
That was a pretty long round
for Gordo the Gruesome.
Bring out the next challenger.
lntroducing our next opponent,
weighing in at a mere--
Well, there you have it, folks.
Welcome...
...to the Dome of Doom.
Our talent search has spread
throughout the universe...
...to bring you only the finest quality
of challenger...
...to battle the greatest of champions.
No victory is too small.
No wound is too great.
No weapon is illegal.
And now the Dome of Doom
presents for your pleasure...
...Two Sandals the Treacherous.
Gordo, we call upon you
to destroy this vile villain.
Prepare to suffer,
Two Sandals the Treacherous.
l will beat you like a drum.
l will hang you out like laundry.
And now, without any further--
l am the master mechanic,
the alpha and omega.
l will put a hurting on you, slave.
l'm gonna tear you up into little shreds.
Then l'll take those shreds
and tear them into shreds.
l will make your mother cry.
l will make your Aunt Edna...
...from Withershoot proper,
south of Barnaby, cry.
Are you ready for pain, Two Sandals?!
l am not intimidated by your shouting.
A true warrior fights not with words,
but with--
What?
This-- This is unprecedented.
But wait.
Oh, yes.
lt looks like he's gone primal
on us, folks. This is it.
Oh, this is unwitnessable.
Nobody has ever knocked down Gordo.
He's out.
l-- l have nothing to say.
Except...
...bring out the next champion!
Deep from within the deepest abyss
of the seventh ocean of Amalgamous...
...arose a champion
of unimaginable proportions.
Half machine, half flesh, all terror.
The Aqualizer.
Dome of Doom,
once more have you summoned.
To answer your call, l have risen
from the depths of the abyss...
...to conquer the ring
and to put an end to this lowly amateur.
Do not fear.
l have traveled the seven seas
and conquered far greater foes...
...than this mere contender.
Help me!
Help!
Doom, doom, doom!
The crowd calls upon you, Two Sandals...
...to put the doom on the Aqualizer.
No, l will not participate
in this senseless violence any longer.
You will have to get
your entertainment elsewhere.
This is a dark moment indeed.
Not only has he insulted the ring...
...he has insulted us.
We will show no more mercy
to this two-sandaled heathen.
lntroducing the champion
to end all champions.
Weighing in at a mere 700 tons...
...l give you...
...Sumoto.
l will not fight.
Then you will be destroyed.
l will not fight you, Sumoto.
lt's the Sumoto swan dive.
No challenger has ever survived it.
Thank you, Sumoto...
...for putting the doom back
in the Dome of Doom.
This-- This can't be.
lt looks like Sumoto is ticklish.
This is incongruous...
...inconceivable, inexcusable.
Very well then.
lf no one champion can bring him down...
...then bring out all the champions.
May l present Torto.
Maotis.
The Claw.
Raptor.
Mr. Roboto.
And finally, Ganeesh.
This must end once and for all.
Let the carnage begin.
Wise man knows everything,
a shrewd one, everybody.
You can hide, but you cannot run.
A true coward runs not from his opponent
but from himself.
Many receive advice.
Only the wise profit by it.
Two Sandals, Two Sandals, Two Sandals!
Enough!
ls this what you call entertainment?
The senseless slaughter of innocents?
No more.
Set the slaves free.
Set them free.
Yes, yes, of course.
From now on, there will be
no more fighting for your entertainment.
You heard him, you're free.
Now get out of here. Go on, get.
You.
[ENGLlSH]
...I, Aku, the shape-shifting
master of darkness...
...unleashed an unspeakable evil.
But a foolish samurai warrior
wielding a magic sword...
...stepped forth to oppose me.
Before the final blow was struck...
...I tore open a portal in time,
and flung him into the future...
...where my evil is law.
Now the fool seeks
to return to the past...
...and undo the future that is Aku.
Move it, slave. Pick it up.
Don't worry,
you'll get used to it soon enough.
-What do you mean?
-Silence! No talking, slave.
Halt.
-What is--?
-No talking.
lt is no use.
There is no escape.
What is this place?
Why have we been brought here?
These things are of no importance now.
When daybreak comes, you will fight.
-And then you will be no more.
-What?
He's right.
None can survive in the Dome of Doom.
Come on, wake up. lt's showtime.
Come on, move it.
And now, without any delay,
the first challenger of the day.
Weighing in at 280 septiles...
...Poogle the Pitiful.
Facing the 1 2-time champion
of the ring...
...the minister of agony,
the baron of brutality...
...the coroner of carnage,
the dealer of destruction...
...Gordo the Gruesome.
Well, how about that, folks?
That was a pretty long round
for Gordo the Gruesome.
Bring out the next challenger.
lntroducing our next opponent,
weighing in at a mere--
Well, there you have it, folks.
Welcome...
...to the Dome of Doom.
Our talent search has spread
throughout the universe...
...to bring you only the finest quality
of challenger...
...to battle the greatest of champions.
No victory is too small.
No wound is too great.
No weapon is illegal.
And now the Dome of Doom
presents for your pleasure...
...Two Sandals the Treacherous.
Gordo, we call upon you
to destroy this vile villain.
Prepare to suffer,
Two Sandals the Treacherous.
l will beat you like a drum.
l will hang you out like laundry.
And now, without any further--
l am the master mechanic,
the alpha and omega.
l will put a hurting on you, slave.
l'm gonna tear you up into little shreds.
Then l'll take those shreds
and tear them into shreds.
l will make your mother cry.
l will make your Aunt Edna...
...from Withershoot proper,
south of Barnaby, cry.
Are you ready for pain, Two Sandals?!
l am not intimidated by your shouting.
A true warrior fights not with words,
but with--
What?
This-- This is unprecedented.
But wait.
Oh, yes.
lt looks like he's gone primal
on us, folks. This is it.
Oh, this is unwitnessable.
Nobody has ever knocked down Gordo.
He's out.
l-- l have nothing to say.
Except...
...bring out the next champion!
Deep from within the deepest abyss
of the seventh ocean of Amalgamous...
...arose a champion
of unimaginable proportions.
Half machine, half flesh, all terror.
The Aqualizer.
Dome of Doom,
once more have you summoned.
To answer your call, l have risen
from the depths of the abyss...
...to conquer the ring
and to put an end to this lowly amateur.
Do not fear.
l have traveled the seven seas
and conquered far greater foes...
...than this mere contender.
Help me!
Help!
Doom, doom, doom!
The crowd calls upon you, Two Sandals...
...to put the doom on the Aqualizer.
No, l will not participate
in this senseless violence any longer.
You will have to get
your entertainment elsewhere.
This is a dark moment indeed.
Not only has he insulted the ring...
...he has insulted us.
We will show no more mercy
to this two-sandaled heathen.
lntroducing the champion
to end all champions.
Weighing in at a mere 700 tons...
...l give you...
...Sumoto.
l will not fight.
Then you will be destroyed.
l will not fight you, Sumoto.
lt's the Sumoto swan dive.
No challenger has ever survived it.
Thank you, Sumoto...
...for putting the doom back
in the Dome of Doom.
This-- This can't be.
lt looks like Sumoto is ticklish.
This is incongruous...
...inconceivable, inexcusable.
Very well then.
lf no one champion can bring him down...
...then bring out all the champions.
May l present Torto.
Maotis.
The Claw.
Raptor.
Mr. Roboto.
And finally, Ganeesh.
This must end once and for all.
Let the carnage begin.
Wise man knows everything,
a shrewd one, everybody.
You can hide, but you cannot run.
A true coward runs not from his opponent
but from himself.
Many receive advice.
Only the wise profit by it.
Two Sandals, Two Sandals, Two Sandals!
Enough!
ls this what you call entertainment?
The senseless slaughter of innocents?
No more.
Set the slaves free.
Set them free.
Yes, yes, of course.
From now on, there will be
no more fighting for your entertainment.
You heard him, you're free.
Now get out of here. Go on, get.
You.
[ENGLlSH]