Samurai Jack (2001–2017): Season 1, Episode 13 - Episode XIII - Aku's Fairy Tales - full transcript
Samurai Jack has become a popular folk hero amongst little children, so Aku decides to spread his own kind of fairy tales that put Jack in a bad light.
Long ago in a distant land...
...I, Aku, the shape-shifting
master of darkness...
...unleashed an unspeakable evil.
But a foolish samurai warrior
wielding a magic sword...
...stepped forth to oppose me.
Before the final blow was struck...
...I tore open a portal in time,
and flung him into the future...
...where my evil is law.
Now the fool seeks
to return to the past...
...and undo the future that is Aku.
PIease, don't take my souI.
Aku, you wiII not cIaim another innocent!
Samurai Jack!
My hero.
I hate being Aku!
I don't wanna be him anymore!
I wanna be Jack!
What? First of aII,
I do the best Jack imitation.
Do it again, PhiI!
Aku, you wiII not cIaim another innocent.
And, second, you used to Iove being Aku.
Yeah. That was before Jack came aIong!
Now everyone wants
to pIay Jack and destroy me!
But you Iook just Iike him.
It's just my hair.
No, Aku. Your tricks wiII not
protect you this time!
Yeah! Destroy Aku!
For eons I have terrorized this Iand.
Every miserabIe creature trembIed...
...at the mere mention of my name.
The pitifuI peopIe shrank
before my awesome power.
But now I am openIy mocked
by these measIy urchins.
TaIes of the samurai's heroics
have spread...
...through the worId Iike a virus!
But I wiII cure the worId
of this pIague of hope.
I wiII unIeash such eviI...
...that even the most innocent souI...
...wiII be consumed by terror!
We're not afraid of you anymore, Aku...
...no matter what you do.
Hush! You cannot speak of Aku this way.
InsoIent brats!
Their eIders stiII fear and respect
the aImighty Aku.
But this new generation...
...the seed of rebeIIion has been pIanted
in them by these taIes of heroism.
WeII, if they respond to stories...
...I have a taIe or two that wiII turn Aku...
...into the hero of their young hearts!
-What's going on?
-Why have we been forced to come here?
A taIe must be toId.
A taIe of epic proportions.
I wiII take you to a universe far away.
To a world of hunger.
For the only one who ate
was a corrupt and evil beast.
A devourer of worlds...
...who set his sight
on our defenseless sphere.
But a beloved and courageous hero
arose to oppose...
...the terrorizing beast.
Mounted on his sled
with eight tiny reindeer...
...he flew into battle
against the cosmic scourge.
Then the great warrior
focused all his power...
...into his spear of truth.
And he hurled it with all his might.
The spear struck the beast...
...transforming him into...
...beef jerky!
The great warrior was victorious.
And the people feasted
on the spoils of his conquest...
...and never went hungry again.
"Who shall we thank for this heroic feat?"
the people asked.
The warrior removed
his helmet to reveal himself.
It was none other than I...
...Aku!
And so the people bowed down...
...and made the great warrior their king!
That is the story of how I came to be.
Perhaps my story is too compIex
for these young minds.
A story of the purest,
simpIest theme must be toId.
Yes. Fairy taIes are simpIe.
But the heroes within are Iegendary.
''LittIe Red Riding Hood.''
''Once upon a time...
...there was a little girl
who was loved by all. "
Yes, I am famiIiar with this one.
Once upon a time, there was a little girl...
...with an adorable red cape...
...and great flaming eyebrows...
...who was beloved by all.
And so the people
affectionately named her...
...Little Red Hood.
One day, Little Red Hood was on her way
to her grandmother's house.
My poor grandmama is of deIicate heaIth.
So I am deIivering to her...
...a picnic basket of confectionery treats!
Did someone say ''picnic baskets fiIIed
with deIicious confectionery treats''?
And so the mean wolf took a shortcut...
...and arrived at Grandmother's house...
...before Little Red Hood.
Who's there?
Howdy-ho, Grandma.
It's me, the woIf.
-Oh, my!
-Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm petrifying.
Now, enough of the chitchat.
In you go.
How horrible!
Little Red Hood approached
Grandma's house...
...unaware of what awaits her within.
Who's there?
Hey, hey. Keep it down in there!
Come in, my chiId.
Hey, Red. How about giving me
some of those confectionery treats?
My, Grandma! What big eyes you have!
Yeah, yeah. Big eyes, big teeth,
and a big appetite!
The wolf attacked Little Red Hood...
...not knowing that Little Red Hood
had laser eye beams...
...great combat skills...
...and a powerful uppercut
that freed Little Red's grandmother...
...from the evil bowels of the wolf.
Confectionery treats.
And so Little Red Hood was victorious!
Do not be afraid, chiIdren.
Show your joy.
Do you not Iike the taIes of Aku?
Speak!
Yes, chiId.
Share your thoughts on the taIes of Aku.
WeII, the stories were toId very weII.
Yes?
But I think we wouId Iike
to hear a story about...
...Samurai Jack?
What?!
So be it.
Pay attention, chiIdren...
...for you are about to hear the story of
''Jack and the Three Bears.''
Once upon a time,
there were three bears...
...who lived together in a house of wood.
One was a little wee bear.
One was a middle-size bear.
And the other was a great, huge bear!
I made us some porridge, comrades.
But, aIas, it is too hot.
That's okay, brother. We can go for a waIk
in the woods whiIe it cooIs off.
You made porridge!
And while they were out...
...a wicked samurai came to the house.
He was not a good samurai.
He was an impudent, bad, old samurai.
Oh, yeah! Porridge!
And so the wicked samurai began to eat.
It did not matter to him...
...if the porridge was too hot,
too cold, or just right.
He ate it all!
AII right! Good.
And then he set off
to destroy the three bears' house.
When the three bears returned...
...complete destruction awaited them.
-Someone's been eating my porridge!
-Someone's been messing with my books!
Someone's been wearing my cIothes!
Someone wrecked our whoIe house!
And there he is!
SIeeping in my bed!
Shut up! I'm trying to sIeep!
Sir? Aku?
Yes, chiId?
Why do you interrupt Aku?
WeII, the thing is...
...Jack wouIdn't do that.
Oh? You know him?
No. But--
Very weII.
Perhaps I exaggerated a IittIe.
But this next story is true
to its uttermost detaiI.
Once upon a time, there was a house
built from straw, wood and brick...
...where three innocent little pigs
happily made their residence.
Until there was a knock at the door.
It was big, bad Jack.
LittIe pig, IittIe pig...
...open up and Iet me in!
Not by the hairs on our chinny-chin chins!
Then I'II huff and I'II puff...
...and I'm coming in!
Here's Jackie!
Aku, sir?
Yes, girI chiId?
I'm scared.
Good. The samurai is scary!
-But Jack wouId never do such a--
-SiIence!
I wiII continue with yet another taIe.
The story of poor little Cinderella
and her evil stepmother, Jacqueline.
And her two wicked stepsisters,
Jackie and Jackquela.
-Scrub that fIoor!
-Wash those dishes!
Make me dinner!
-But Jack is a man.
-Very well.
There once was a house
made of candy.
But a giant samurai came and smashed it!
Guess my name!
But those are three different stories.
With great endings.
And so the samurai prince
finally found the magic frog...
...and kissed him, enraging the frog...
...who then ate the samurai prince.
But wasn't Jack just a giant?
Yes. And he fell off the beanstalk.
-But he wasn't on a beanstalk.
-You are correct.
He was searching for his lost sheep
who stampeded over him.
That's not how the story goes.
Yes, it does! After barely surviving
the sheep stampede...
...a cat in giant boots came along...
-...and kicked the samurai!
-What?
RapunzeI, RapunzeI, Iet down your hair.
What's happening?
Enough! Here is the truest taIe of aII!
There was an almighty, all-powerful wizard.
And there was a pathetic, little samurai.
And the wizard destroyed him!
The end!
-No, that's not how it wouId happen.
-Yeah!
First, it would be a misty night.
And Jack would be climbing a huge castle.
But not before he defeated its 8-foot,
six-armed mutant guard.
Yeah! Then he would
be climbing all battle-damaged.
With his hair all messed up.
With his sword in his teeth!
Yeah. And as Jack reaches
the top of the castle...
...Aku would creepily creep out
from the shadows.
But Jack can smell his foul stench.
-And then they fight!
-Not yet!
First, they would stare each other down!
-And then they'd fight!
-No, not yet!
Jack would first say, " You have plagued
the land with your evil long enough.
Prepare to meet your doom. "
-And then they'd fight!
-No, not yet!
Because Aku would answer,
"You are truly powerful, samurai...
...but no match for my evil wizardry!"
-Now?
-Now.
And then they'd fight!
Aku quickly turns into a huge....
Dragon-like creature.
But he's no match for Jack's samurai skill!
And with one mighty blow...
...Jack destroys Aku!
Then he would sheath his sword
all cool-style and say:
"My quest has ended.
I will now travel back to my own time
and undo the evil that Aku has done. "
The end!
[ENGLISH]
...I, Aku, the shape-shifting
master of darkness...
...unleashed an unspeakable evil.
But a foolish samurai warrior
wielding a magic sword...
...stepped forth to oppose me.
Before the final blow was struck...
...I tore open a portal in time,
and flung him into the future...
...where my evil is law.
Now the fool seeks
to return to the past...
...and undo the future that is Aku.
PIease, don't take my souI.
Aku, you wiII not cIaim another innocent!
Samurai Jack!
My hero.
I hate being Aku!
I don't wanna be him anymore!
I wanna be Jack!
What? First of aII,
I do the best Jack imitation.
Do it again, PhiI!
Aku, you wiII not cIaim another innocent.
And, second, you used to Iove being Aku.
Yeah. That was before Jack came aIong!
Now everyone wants
to pIay Jack and destroy me!
But you Iook just Iike him.
It's just my hair.
No, Aku. Your tricks wiII not
protect you this time!
Yeah! Destroy Aku!
For eons I have terrorized this Iand.
Every miserabIe creature trembIed...
...at the mere mention of my name.
The pitifuI peopIe shrank
before my awesome power.
But now I am openIy mocked
by these measIy urchins.
TaIes of the samurai's heroics
have spread...
...through the worId Iike a virus!
But I wiII cure the worId
of this pIague of hope.
I wiII unIeash such eviI...
...that even the most innocent souI...
...wiII be consumed by terror!
We're not afraid of you anymore, Aku...
...no matter what you do.
Hush! You cannot speak of Aku this way.
InsoIent brats!
Their eIders stiII fear and respect
the aImighty Aku.
But this new generation...
...the seed of rebeIIion has been pIanted
in them by these taIes of heroism.
WeII, if they respond to stories...
...I have a taIe or two that wiII turn Aku...
...into the hero of their young hearts!
-What's going on?
-Why have we been forced to come here?
A taIe must be toId.
A taIe of epic proportions.
I wiII take you to a universe far away.
To a world of hunger.
For the only one who ate
was a corrupt and evil beast.
A devourer of worlds...
...who set his sight
on our defenseless sphere.
But a beloved and courageous hero
arose to oppose...
...the terrorizing beast.
Mounted on his sled
with eight tiny reindeer...
...he flew into battle
against the cosmic scourge.
Then the great warrior
focused all his power...
...into his spear of truth.
And he hurled it with all his might.
The spear struck the beast...
...transforming him into...
...beef jerky!
The great warrior was victorious.
And the people feasted
on the spoils of his conquest...
...and never went hungry again.
"Who shall we thank for this heroic feat?"
the people asked.
The warrior removed
his helmet to reveal himself.
It was none other than I...
...Aku!
And so the people bowed down...
...and made the great warrior their king!
That is the story of how I came to be.
Perhaps my story is too compIex
for these young minds.
A story of the purest,
simpIest theme must be toId.
Yes. Fairy taIes are simpIe.
But the heroes within are Iegendary.
''LittIe Red Riding Hood.''
''Once upon a time...
...there was a little girl
who was loved by all. "
Yes, I am famiIiar with this one.
Once upon a time, there was a little girl...
...with an adorable red cape...
...and great flaming eyebrows...
...who was beloved by all.
And so the people
affectionately named her...
...Little Red Hood.
One day, Little Red Hood was on her way
to her grandmother's house.
My poor grandmama is of deIicate heaIth.
So I am deIivering to her...
...a picnic basket of confectionery treats!
Did someone say ''picnic baskets fiIIed
with deIicious confectionery treats''?
And so the mean wolf took a shortcut...
...and arrived at Grandmother's house...
...before Little Red Hood.
Who's there?
Howdy-ho, Grandma.
It's me, the woIf.
-Oh, my!
-Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm petrifying.
Now, enough of the chitchat.
In you go.
How horrible!
Little Red Hood approached
Grandma's house...
...unaware of what awaits her within.
Who's there?
Hey, hey. Keep it down in there!
Come in, my chiId.
Hey, Red. How about giving me
some of those confectionery treats?
My, Grandma! What big eyes you have!
Yeah, yeah. Big eyes, big teeth,
and a big appetite!
The wolf attacked Little Red Hood...
...not knowing that Little Red Hood
had laser eye beams...
...great combat skills...
...and a powerful uppercut
that freed Little Red's grandmother...
...from the evil bowels of the wolf.
Confectionery treats.
And so Little Red Hood was victorious!
Do not be afraid, chiIdren.
Show your joy.
Do you not Iike the taIes of Aku?
Speak!
Yes, chiId.
Share your thoughts on the taIes of Aku.
WeII, the stories were toId very weII.
Yes?
But I think we wouId Iike
to hear a story about...
...Samurai Jack?
What?!
So be it.
Pay attention, chiIdren...
...for you are about to hear the story of
''Jack and the Three Bears.''
Once upon a time,
there were three bears...
...who lived together in a house of wood.
One was a little wee bear.
One was a middle-size bear.
And the other was a great, huge bear!
I made us some porridge, comrades.
But, aIas, it is too hot.
That's okay, brother. We can go for a waIk
in the woods whiIe it cooIs off.
You made porridge!
And while they were out...
...a wicked samurai came to the house.
He was not a good samurai.
He was an impudent, bad, old samurai.
Oh, yeah! Porridge!
And so the wicked samurai began to eat.
It did not matter to him...
...if the porridge was too hot,
too cold, or just right.
He ate it all!
AII right! Good.
And then he set off
to destroy the three bears' house.
When the three bears returned...
...complete destruction awaited them.
-Someone's been eating my porridge!
-Someone's been messing with my books!
Someone's been wearing my cIothes!
Someone wrecked our whoIe house!
And there he is!
SIeeping in my bed!
Shut up! I'm trying to sIeep!
Sir? Aku?
Yes, chiId?
Why do you interrupt Aku?
WeII, the thing is...
...Jack wouIdn't do that.
Oh? You know him?
No. But--
Very weII.
Perhaps I exaggerated a IittIe.
But this next story is true
to its uttermost detaiI.
Once upon a time, there was a house
built from straw, wood and brick...
...where three innocent little pigs
happily made their residence.
Until there was a knock at the door.
It was big, bad Jack.
LittIe pig, IittIe pig...
...open up and Iet me in!
Not by the hairs on our chinny-chin chins!
Then I'II huff and I'II puff...
...and I'm coming in!
Here's Jackie!
Aku, sir?
Yes, girI chiId?
I'm scared.
Good. The samurai is scary!
-But Jack wouId never do such a--
-SiIence!
I wiII continue with yet another taIe.
The story of poor little Cinderella
and her evil stepmother, Jacqueline.
And her two wicked stepsisters,
Jackie and Jackquela.
-Scrub that fIoor!
-Wash those dishes!
Make me dinner!
-But Jack is a man.
-Very well.
There once was a house
made of candy.
But a giant samurai came and smashed it!
Guess my name!
But those are three different stories.
With great endings.
And so the samurai prince
finally found the magic frog...
...and kissed him, enraging the frog...
...who then ate the samurai prince.
But wasn't Jack just a giant?
Yes. And he fell off the beanstalk.
-But he wasn't on a beanstalk.
-You are correct.
He was searching for his lost sheep
who stampeded over him.
That's not how the story goes.
Yes, it does! After barely surviving
the sheep stampede...
...a cat in giant boots came along...
-...and kicked the samurai!
-What?
RapunzeI, RapunzeI, Iet down your hair.
What's happening?
Enough! Here is the truest taIe of aII!
There was an almighty, all-powerful wizard.
And there was a pathetic, little samurai.
And the wizard destroyed him!
The end!
-No, that's not how it wouId happen.
-Yeah!
First, it would be a misty night.
And Jack would be climbing a huge castle.
But not before he defeated its 8-foot,
six-armed mutant guard.
Yeah! Then he would
be climbing all battle-damaged.
With his hair all messed up.
With his sword in his teeth!
Yeah. And as Jack reaches
the top of the castle...
...Aku would creepily creep out
from the shadows.
But Jack can smell his foul stench.
-And then they fight!
-Not yet!
First, they would stare each other down!
-And then they'd fight!
-No, not yet!
Jack would first say, " You have plagued
the land with your evil long enough.
Prepare to meet your doom. "
-And then they'd fight!
-No, not yet!
Because Aku would answer,
"You are truly powerful, samurai...
...but no match for my evil wizardry!"
-Now?
-Now.
And then they'd fight!
Aku quickly turns into a huge....
Dragon-like creature.
But he's no match for Jack's samurai skill!
And with one mighty blow...
...Jack destroys Aku!
Then he would sheath his sword
all cool-style and say:
"My quest has ended.
I will now travel back to my own time
and undo the evil that Aku has done. "
The end!
[ENGLISH]