Sam & Cat (2013–2014): Season 1, Episode 25 - #BrainCrush - full transcript

Sam and Cat notice everyone, including their friends, are becoming obsessed with a new phone game, "Brain Crush." The game distracts the audience at Cat's one woman show.

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Hey, Yokvish.

One minute.

I am grooming.

Can we put up a flyer in here?

For our babysitting service?

Uh... Great, thanks. Come on.

Let's put this right in the middle.

What about the flyer
for the lost kitten?

I'm sorry, it's on the floor now.

There.

I'm gonna go get a Blue Dog.



Do you want one?

Yeah, sure, I'll drink the Blue Dog.

Oh. Excuse me, can I just get in there

real quick for... Whoa. Step away.

Step away?

I'll step on your neck.

What's going on?

Hey, buddy.

Oh, gosh, now what you want?

You got any more blue
dog soda in the back?

No.

Don't lie to me.

I got some.

Go get all the Blue Dog soda



you got and take it out

to the confiscation truck.

All the Blue Dog?

No, dude.

Maybe we want to buy
some Blue Dog, too.

You're not the only one who's thirsty.

What are you two, a couple of dummies?

Blue dog soda has been
banned in California.

Banned?

What?

Why?

'Cause there's too much sugar in it.

And thanks to me, the state bureau
of interference has passed a law.

It is now illegal to sell
or to drink Blue Dog soda.

That's insane.

That's our favorite beverage.

Too bad.

Did you know that some people drink 10
to 12 bottles of this junk per day?

We don't.

We drink, like, one or two a week.

Well, some people drink too much of it.

So?

Just 'cause some people drink too
much of it, now nobody can have any?

That's right.

Because the public is too stupid to be
trusted with things that they enjoy.

Shut up.

I'm taking this out.

Hey, watch out!

So, you girls babysit?

Yeah.

What, you gonna ban us
from babysitting now, too?

No. I got a kid, and I don't like him, so,
maybe I'll dump him on you two for a while.

Wait, can I at least have one
last bottle of Blue Dog?

No.

♪ I'm never that far

♪ no matter where you are ♪ believe it

♪ we can make it come true

♪ we'll do it our way

♪ no matter what they
say ♪ 'cause no one's

♪ gonna do it for you ♪ yeah

♪ but I, I, I. I. I ♪
I'll never say never

♪ as long as ♪ we keep it together

♪ if you're living a dream

♪ and you know what it means

♪ then you can't let them

♪ change your mind

♪ it's the life that we choose

♪ and we still break the rules

♪ but it's all gonna be ♪ just fine



♪ Yeah, we're all gonna be ♪ just fine

♪ you and me ♪ we're gonna be just fine

That was so entertaining!

Thanks. Now you try.

'Kay-kay.

Ready? Go!

No, no, no. No. No.

Why?

You're supposed to let go of
it and then swing your hips.

Oh.

Hey, guys, guys, guys! Guess what'sinside this case?
A squirrel?

No.

Uh... A squirrel.

I just told her it wasn't a squirrel.

A different squirrel!

No, just look.

My last bottle of Blue Dog soda.

Wow.

Whoa.

This could be the last bottle
of Blue Dog in California.

Check it out.

Wait, what are you...

Why'd you do that?

You told me to Chuck it out.

So I chucked it. Out.

I said, "check it out!"

I heard "Chuck."

Right?

Cool.

Hi.
Hey.

Wanna buy an empty case?

I'm busy.

Whatcha doin'?

Bein' a genius.

And pretty soon we are gonna have
all the Blue Dog soda we want.

How?

How?

I'm makin' it.

I went online and did a ton of research, and
pretty soon I'm gonna have the exact formula.

Wow!

No way!

Cool beans!

Shh! Time to taste.

Let me just turn this guy here.

And... Lay some of that on your tongue.

Well?

Do you hate me?

No. I just... Oh, come on, it
tastes kinda like Blue Dog soda.

Okay, first, no, it doesn't.

What's wrong with it?

Well, if we're talking about the basic flavor
profile of Blue Dog, the primary taste

is a 60/40 blend of vanilla and citrus, with trace
amounts of cherry, clove, nutmeg, and juniper.

Jupiter!

Juniper.

Anyway, I can fix this.

Now, run along kids,
don't bother aunt Cat.

I should have this knocked
out in about three hours.

Three hours?

I need some Blue Dog right now.

I had a bottle that Goomer
threw into the street.

'Cause you told me to.

I did not!

Wait.

You threw a whole bottle of Blue Dog soda
into the street?

Yeah.

So?

That's Blue Dog soda.

Maybe even better.

It's perfect.

Cat Valentine, you may be dumb as a box of
knobs, but dang, girl, you can make soda.

Yay!

Oh, I love succeeding!

This is great.

Now we can make all the
Blue Dog soda we want!

Woo!

Yay!

Yay!

You guys know how much money we
can make selling this stuff?

I bet quite a lot.

No, no, no. No.

No. This is not about the money.

We're making Blue Dog
soda as a protest.

This is about doing what's right.

What do you mean?

Well, it's wrong that there are people
out there who want to butt into

everybody's business and tell
us what we can and can't have.

Exactly.

Okay, so, then, what's the plan here?

We make enough Blue Dog soda for ourselves
and to sell to anyone who wants some.

Well, if we're gonna
produce that much soda,

we're gonna need a supply
and distribution network,

and also a comprehensive
marketing strategy

that'll inform the
public about our product

while not raising suspicion in
the law enforcement community.

What?

I just found a worm in my pocket.

Oh.

Okay, we can't start making gallons of soda
out in the open or we might get caught.

Cat, don't sniff the worm.

Now, where can we start
making the Blue Dog?

It's got to be some place
where nobody can see us.

Hey, what about that secret room you
guys have behind your wall safe?

Yes. Perfect.

Cat, write down all the ingredients we'll
need for the Blue Dog and text them to me.

Dice, let's go.

Where are we going?

To get supplies and bottles
and everything else we need.

What do I get to do?

You get to drive us and
pay for everything.

Yeah!

I'm relevant!

Okay, cloves.

Juniper.

Jupiter.

Here you go.

Hi.

I'm Randy.

I need another case of Blue Dog.

I already sold you a case this week.

So?

So, it's soda.

You don't want to drink more
than a few bottles a week.

Oh.

So, it's about moderation.

Exactly.

I can respect that.

See ya later.

I'm Randy.

Who's at the window?

Some kid. I forget his name.

Ding dong.

Who's at the door?

I don't know. I'll go see.

Hi.

I got some questions for
you and your roommate.

All right.

I'll go get Sam.

She's just in the back.

Back in the back where
nothing illegal's happening.

He's here!

Who's here?

The mean man who made
Blue Dog soda illegal.

What?

What's he doing here?

He must know we're making
Blue Dog soda back there.

All right, calm down.

I can't calm down unless you slap me.

Okay, what do we do?

Just wait here.

I know exactly how to handle this guy.

Oy.

Oh, hey, I want to talk to you
and your roommate about...

Did you get rid of that man?

Sort of.

Where is he?

On the other side of this door.

Come on, open up!

What are we gonna do?

I don't know, this is all your fault.

My fault?

No, no, no, no!

I am not going down for this one.

It wasn't my idea to make Blue Dog soda.

Ding-dong!

Come on, open the door!

You better not say it was me.

Hi.

It was Cat.

Sam!

Look, are you two babysitters or not?

Listen buddy, unless you got a warrant,
you can't just come in here, babysitters?

Yeah. Remember the flyer?

It says you two babysit.

We do.

Good. Mitch! Get in here.

This is my boy, Mitch. And I thought that maybe
you two could babysit him for a few hours.

So, you came here just 'cause you
want us to babysit your kid?

Yeah. And he's not much trouble.

He just likes... What do you like?

Television. Football. Cheese.

That sort of stuff.

Why can't I just stay with you?

Well, because daddy has to go find
some bad people and put them in jail.

What bad people?

Somebody has been making illegal
Blue Dog soda and selling it.

No, those jerks.

Yeah, jerks.

We don't know who it is yet, but
some genius copied the formula.

Genius.

We're gonna find 'em, we're gonna bust
'em, and we're gonna shut 'em down.

Okay.

You do that.

How come?

'Cause sugar is bad.

Okay. So you gonna shut down the
people who make grape juice?

'Cause grape juice has a lot
more sugar in it than soda has.

No it doesn't.

Yeah it does.

Grape juice has lots more sugar than soda.

So, you gonna ban grape juice?

Look, I am not interested in facts.

So, anyway, I'll be back
to pick up the kid later.

I love you, daddy.

Don't embarrass me.

Wait right here.

Here Mitch, have this
large block of cheese.

Sam?

Can I have a word with
you back there, please?

What's wrong with your neck?

Thank you for this large cheese block.

What's your deal?

Why did you say we'd babysit that boy?

I didn't.

That guy just left him here.

And who cares?

Who ca... Ow!

You just three-stooged my nose!

How do we know he didn't leave
that boy here to spy on us?

Huh, I didn't think about that.

You don't think about anything unless you can eat
it, or break it, or scratch your butt with it.

Where is my butt scratcher?

I don't know, but right
now we just need...

What is that?

Oh, it's the guys.

Oh, hi.

Come out of there.

Oh!

Goomer, are you okay?

Yeah. My body broke my fall.

And guess what?

We made 25 more cases of Blue Dog.

No. No, no, no, no, no!

Dude.

I don't want us making
Blue Dog soda anymore.

It's illegal and it's gonna
get us all in trouble.

No it won't.

Why is she wiggin'?

Don't worry about her.

Have you seen my butt scratcher?

Here it is.

Did you use it?

Oh yeah.

And it scratches a lot more than butts.

Randy, why are you wearing a wig?

I'm Sandy.

No more Blue Dog!

You guys, we gotta stop selling
Blue Dog soda before we get caught.

Dude.

Maybe Cat's right.

Okay, you know what you can do for me?

What?

Get out.

You know, just 'cause I got fuzzy
hair doesn't mean I have no feelings.

Okay, since you guys are such a bunch of
ballerinas, we'll quit making the Blue Dog soda.

Good.

After... Arg!

We make just one more big batch just
for us for the next couple of years.

And then we're done?

Then we're done. Deal?

Yeah.

Okay, I'm gonna go keep an eye on the kid, you guys
get back there and start cranking out the Blue Dog.

No more soda, Randy.

I'm not Randy.

I'm Randy's father, Mr. Randy.

Hey, guess what?

What?

How many have we got so far?

95 cases.

Okay, that's enough.

Yeah, but Sam said she wanted 100.

Well, who cares?

I mean, how many things
are we gonna drink...

Hey! Hey, the carbonation
indicator's in the red zone.

Dice!

Aah!

I'm sorry, I thought I
closed the pressure valve.

Well, you didn't.

Jeez, dice, you wanna blow
us all to smitheroons?

I'm sorry, I'll be more careful.

Well, I'll look forward to that.

This is fun. I never knew you
could carve stuff out of cheese.

Oh, yeah.

It's open.

Hey, I'm back for the kid.

Hi, dad!

Look!

We're making stuff out of cheese.

I don't care.

I'm in a bad mood.

Why?

'Cause I've spent three days looking for the
criminals making Blue Dog soda and I got nothing.

Aw, don't feel bad, daddy.

Don't tell me what to feel.

Oh, so, what do I owe you
for the babysitting?

What the heck was that?

Uh, it was just my roommate's new ringtone?

That was no ringtone.

Wait, you're not allowed back there!

I'm bringing my cheese!

Whoa!

Aah!

What happened in here?

Uh... Uh... Busted.

It's not what you think.

Really?

'Cause I think that all the bootleg Blue Dog soda we've
been finding all over town is coming right from this room.

Wow, it is what you think.

You Blue Dog soda punks
are in serious trouble.

Why?

Why?

What's your problem?

Yeah.

What's wrong with making a tasty
soda that everybody loves?

Which we wouldn't have had to do if you hadn't
banned Blue Dog soda in the first place.

Has anybody seen the butt scratcher?

What's your problem with Blue Dog?

My problem is that some people drink too
much of it, and that's not healthy.

So?

Some people eat too many sandwiches,
you gonna ban sandwiches?

Oh, and roller coasters.

What if a kid decided to ride roller
coasters all day long every day?

He'd flunk out of school.

You gonna ban roller coasters?

And what about sleeping?

I mean, if a person sleeps way too long, they're
gonna wake up in a pile of their own poop.

You gonna ban sleeping?

And pooping?

And what about hugs?

Right?

If you hug someone real tight for
too long, you could kill 'em.

That is true.

So, maybe you should ban hugging.

Why don't you just ban everything?

Yeah.

'Cause too much of anything
can be bad for you.

But it's not fair to punish everybody.

Just 'cause some people
can't control themselves.

Don't you think people ought
to be free to choose?

This is America.

The seventh smartest country in the world.

And we don't need people like you telling
everybody what we can and can't do.

Dad.

What's wrong?

They're right.

I'm so stupid!

You made a dinosaur out of cheese.

Oh, that's a good boy.

Yes!

To Blue Dog!

And freedom!

Woo!

Yeah.

Awesome.

Oh, yeah.

What did you make out
of your cheese this time?

A duck!

Wow, that's really good.

Thanks.

What'd you make?

A cheese rock.

Come on, let's go add
'em to our collection.