Sabrina's Secret Life (2003–2004): Season 1, Episode 8 - J'achoo - full transcript
Down in the Netherworld, anticipation is building for a witch-specific holiday (like our Valentine's Day or Halloween - like Mardi Gras, with everyone wearing masks). Sabrina has looked forward to participating all year, but days before the event she's struck down with a nasty head cold. Her aunts order her to bed, but she just can't stay put. She sneaks out and goes to the Netherworld, and has a grand time (even though she's sneezing and coughing the whole time). When she reports back to school, she discovers that Mr. Snipe and Ms. McGrooney aren't feeling very well. When Ms. McGrooney sneezes in magic gym class, she freezes herself solid! Frantic Sabrina puts two and two together, and realizes that something must be very wrong down in the Netherworld. She grabs a reluctant Salem and goes to investigate. She discovers that the entire Netherworld has been infected by her half-mortal cold. All over, people have frozen solid. Even Enchantra is afraid to leave her room in her castle because she may be next. With so many witches out of commission, an Enchantra, isolated, some strange, nasty creatures within the Netherworld, usually docile for fear of the power of the witches, start wreaking havoc. Sabrina has to figure out a way to cure the frozen folks of the Netherworld and handle the nasty creatures. And she must face the consequences when her aunts find out what she's done...
♪Who's making
magic, making magic,
making magic♪
♪Who's making
magic, making magic,
making magic♪
♪What's going on here,
something's not right♪
♪Who's making magic now every
night♪
♪Witch Training lessons
till the mornin' light♪
♪Living Sabrina's Secret Life.
♪Who's making magic
♪Who's making magic
♪Who's making magic
♪Sabrina's Secret Life!
♪Witch training lessons now
every night♪
♪Sabrina's Secret Life!
Check it out Salem,
what do you think?
Will I kill at the
Ghostathon, or what?
You don't wanna
know what I think.
Yes I do!
Okay.
I think you should
finish your term paper.
Okay, okay I promise.
Just as soon as I
pick the right costume.
That's weird.
See you don't
like this costume!
No, no, that sneeze.
I've heard it before.
It's just dust from
that dumb ol' book.
Not surprising; you
haven't touched it for days.
So? What do you think?
That's it!
Really?
You don't think
it's too sappy?
The sneeze!
It was in Paris,
late 14th century.
The cherubs were just
being added to the Notre Dame
Cathedral.
Hel-lo.
Notre Dame has
gargoyles, not cherubs.
Exactamundo.
The witches who were supposed
to cast spells to help spread
the weight load caught a nasty
flu from some of the workmen.
So with them laid up in bed,
no spells were cast-- -- and
the cherubs
turned into gargoyles.
So what you're saying is
you think I have this gross,
gargoyle flu
thing - well, wrongo!
I'm telling you it's
just a little dust!
Achoo! - in my - Achoo! - nose!
Sabrina honey, are you okay?
Sorry.
Just some dust in my -- Achoo!
We'll see about that.
But Aunt Zel-
Into bed, young lady.
But the Ghostathon's tomorrow
night and I haven't even
figured out what
I'm gonna wear yet!
I'm sorry, dear.
If this fever keeps up,
you're not going anywhere.
Achoo!!
Hmmm.
I feel fine!
Really!
I'll stay in bed
all day tomorrow,
I promise.
Me, me, me!
Is that all you care about?
The Gargoyle Flu is extremely
contagious and dangerous to
witches and warlocks.
Can I get you anything, dear?
Well...No...It's
too much work.
Nonsense, whatever you want.
Figwort and bog grass soup?
Of course you can!
Anything to make
you feel better.
Takes some time though
-- a hundred ingredients,
you know...
Not taking this too
seriously, are we?
I feel fine.
I just have this dumb
sneeze, that's all!
There's plenty more where that
came from. So spill.
What magic formula can I
take to stop sneezing?
No.
I know you think this cold is
stupid but it doesn't affect
every witch the same!
All right.
But I really can't believe
it's as bad as you say...
Well...Good night.
I feel so cheap...
so weak...
What's the harm,
one little bite...
Nova Scotian, sumptuous.
Now for a little cat nap.
Nothing like a little
sleeping potion salmon.
"Flu Be Gone?"
uh..."Sneeze Freeze?"
"Schnozz Pause?"
Stops all flu and cold
symptoms -- that's the one.
What a mess!
Has Hilda ever
cleaned up after herself?!
Ugh!
Intolerable!
This time she's
doing it herself!
Sorry about this Salem.
But I've got this
cold thing covered.
Sweet dreams.
Here you go, Sabrina!
Oh!
Sleeping.
That's good.
Our last, but
certainly not least,
homeless ghost, witch or
warlock: Rupert Quiver!
Rupert put in two
distinguished centuries in
room 313 at the "Dreadful
Boar" Hunting Lodge on the
English Moors, only to
have his home bulldozed and
replaced by the Sunny
Side Up Tanning Salon.
Booooo!
Let's find him a home!
Poor guy!
Doesn't Rupert
deserve a new home?
(cheers)
This dilapidated
little gem has creaky floors
and an attic full of bats.
It's positively
crying out to be haunted!
Who'll make the first bid?
Five hundred!
(cheers)
Aunt Hilda!
Well hello there,
who have we here?
(laughs) I'm a Leo!
Excuse me!
The Hocus Polka!
I love this song!
It's so retro.
Like I dig it too.
That's nice, now go away!
On second
thought, let's dance.
OW!
Ow!
Hey Leo, can you try
and dance on the floor,
not on my foot!
Sweet!
Let's boogie the night away!
Aahhhhh!
(belch)
(sneezes)
(bigger sneeze)
Achoo!
Whew!
Nobody noticed.
Maybe this wasn't
such a good idea.
Come on, you don't want
to poop this party do you?
Achoo!!
Mmmm ah.
Hey sleepyhead.
I did sleep rather deeply...
Good morning honey!
How're you feeling?
Great.
See?
No more cold!
(giggling) No way...
Hey!
Your new sweater!
Jeez, Cassandra.
I'm so sorry.
Oh don't sweat it Sabrina!
My term paper?
Would you believe - uh - my
blow dryer blew up my cell phone
which blew out my organizer
which blew out my hard drive?
Good one, Sabrina!
Huh?
You put a sleeping
potion spell on that salmon,
didn't you?
Then you snuck off
to the Ghostathon.
Cats!
Where'd you get
such a crazy idea?!
There.
I don't get it?
What's so funny?
Nothing.
In witchfolk, that's the first
symptom of the gargoyle flu.
But...
Yes?
I took cold potion and...
oh!
If that goblin I was
dancing with wasn't so clumsy.
You sneezed and
spread the germs.
So they giggle.
In Cassandra -- it's
actually an improvement.
That's just the first
phase...the other phases
aren't as harmless.
Hey, why aren't you giggling?
Hmm?
Since I was turned into a cat,
witch illnesses don't affect
me much.
Which means you can go to the
Netherworld with me to find a
cure!
Looks pretty normal to me...
Excuse me?
Oh, don't hurt me!
Okay, okay, calm down.
Don't you have a
new house to haunt?
It's infested with
bats and spiders...
And the lights flicker...
And the floors creak.
Sounds dreamy, I
mean, for a ghost.
Second phase of the
Gargoyle Flu: they go from
unexplainable giggles
to complete terror.
Stop it!
Stop blinking!
Huh?!
Your eyelashes!
They're frightening me!
Yaaahhhh!
I'm sorry!
I'm sorry!
Please forgive me!
Forgive you!?
I'm going to EAT you.
Ugh!
Hey! Why'd you do that?
Why'd he do that?
Third phase of the
illness, unbelievable rage!
RUN!
Follow me!
What happened?
Stage four of
the Gargoyle Flu.
Oh crud.
What do we do now?
If we don't find a cure fast,
they'll stay that way -- along
with the rest of
the Netherworld.
Oh Salem, it's all my fault!
What can we do?!
So you finished Zelda's soup?
How can you be hungry
at a time like this!?
I'm not.
I'm merely observing that
you drank that soup and you
haven't sneezed
since, have you?
No.
I feel fine.
As a half-witch I'd think
you'd have a few symptoms by
now.
Do you think
Zelda's soup cured me?
Could be.
If we isolated the right
ingredients then concentrated
it to full-witch strength,
maybe we'd have a cure.
Hi, Aunt Hilda.
Is Aunt Zelda around?
Ha!
Her Laziness?
Hah!
I don't believe her!
I have to do all
this shopping!
Oh!
You want me to clean that too?
Give it!
Zelda?
Hellooooo down there!
Aunt Zelda, can you tell me
what was in that soup you
made me?
You expect ME to remember
all those ingredients?
Do you realize how many
ingredients are in that stupid
soup?!
DO YOU?!
Phase three, Zelda-style.
What happened to phase two?
WELL?!
How dare you shout at
her, you lazy lollygagger!
YOU'RE CALLING ME LAZY?!
I sure am!
What'd'ya want to do about it?
Whoa!
HILDA!
Aunt Zelda!
Stop!
Oh, okay, Sabrina dear...
Aahh!
LOOK OUT!
Hiiiiiiyaaahh!
Aahh!
Aunt Zelda?
Aunt Hilda?
Oh Salem, this
is all my fault.
I was stubborn, selfish -- all
I could think about was me.
I couldn't agree more.
Thanks.
Problemo is: how're we going
to find that cure without
Zelda to tell us?
Experiment!
I give up.
We've tried everything.
Maybe it wasn't just
the broth that cured you.
You said something
about cold medicine?
Right!
Schnozz Pause!
Concentrate this healing brew,
So it will cure
the Gargoyle flu.
This kitchen!
It's cataclysmic!
I can't believe this mess!
Sabrina?
It was all my fault!
I never should have risked
everyone's health just so I
could go to a party.
Oh well, dear, we
all make mistakes.
Something to ponder while
you spend the next month
washing our dishes.
The next month?!
Well before you
get dishpan hands,
you've got a lot of work
to do in the Netherworld.
Took all night,
but here it is,
Ms. MaGroo--
Payback for the latte bath.
Hey, 'Brina, you okay?
Sure.
Things are
definitely back to normal.
magic, making magic,
making magic♪
♪Who's making
magic, making magic,
making magic♪
♪What's going on here,
something's not right♪
♪Who's making magic now every
night♪
♪Witch Training lessons
till the mornin' light♪
♪Living Sabrina's Secret Life.
♪Who's making magic
♪Who's making magic
♪Who's making magic
♪Sabrina's Secret Life!
♪Witch training lessons now
every night♪
♪Sabrina's Secret Life!
Check it out Salem,
what do you think?
Will I kill at the
Ghostathon, or what?
You don't wanna
know what I think.
Yes I do!
Okay.
I think you should
finish your term paper.
Okay, okay I promise.
Just as soon as I
pick the right costume.
That's weird.
See you don't
like this costume!
No, no, that sneeze.
I've heard it before.
It's just dust from
that dumb ol' book.
Not surprising; you
haven't touched it for days.
So? What do you think?
That's it!
Really?
You don't think
it's too sappy?
The sneeze!
It was in Paris,
late 14th century.
The cherubs were just
being added to the Notre Dame
Cathedral.
Hel-lo.
Notre Dame has
gargoyles, not cherubs.
Exactamundo.
The witches who were supposed
to cast spells to help spread
the weight load caught a nasty
flu from some of the workmen.
So with them laid up in bed,
no spells were cast-- -- and
the cherubs
turned into gargoyles.
So what you're saying is
you think I have this gross,
gargoyle flu
thing - well, wrongo!
I'm telling you it's
just a little dust!
Achoo! - in my - Achoo! - nose!
Sabrina honey, are you okay?
Sorry.
Just some dust in my -- Achoo!
We'll see about that.
But Aunt Zel-
Into bed, young lady.
But the Ghostathon's tomorrow
night and I haven't even
figured out what
I'm gonna wear yet!
I'm sorry, dear.
If this fever keeps up,
you're not going anywhere.
Achoo!!
Hmmm.
I feel fine!
Really!
I'll stay in bed
all day tomorrow,
I promise.
Me, me, me!
Is that all you care about?
The Gargoyle Flu is extremely
contagious and dangerous to
witches and warlocks.
Can I get you anything, dear?
Well...No...It's
too much work.
Nonsense, whatever you want.
Figwort and bog grass soup?
Of course you can!
Anything to make
you feel better.
Takes some time though
-- a hundred ingredients,
you know...
Not taking this too
seriously, are we?
I feel fine.
I just have this dumb
sneeze, that's all!
There's plenty more where that
came from. So spill.
What magic formula can I
take to stop sneezing?
No.
I know you think this cold is
stupid but it doesn't affect
every witch the same!
All right.
But I really can't believe
it's as bad as you say...
Well...Good night.
I feel so cheap...
so weak...
What's the harm,
one little bite...
Nova Scotian, sumptuous.
Now for a little cat nap.
Nothing like a little
sleeping potion salmon.
"Flu Be Gone?"
uh..."Sneeze Freeze?"
"Schnozz Pause?"
Stops all flu and cold
symptoms -- that's the one.
What a mess!
Has Hilda ever
cleaned up after herself?!
Ugh!
Intolerable!
This time she's
doing it herself!
Sorry about this Salem.
But I've got this
cold thing covered.
Sweet dreams.
Here you go, Sabrina!
Oh!
Sleeping.
That's good.
Our last, but
certainly not least,
homeless ghost, witch or
warlock: Rupert Quiver!
Rupert put in two
distinguished centuries in
room 313 at the "Dreadful
Boar" Hunting Lodge on the
English Moors, only to
have his home bulldozed and
replaced by the Sunny
Side Up Tanning Salon.
Booooo!
Let's find him a home!
Poor guy!
Doesn't Rupert
deserve a new home?
(cheers)
This dilapidated
little gem has creaky floors
and an attic full of bats.
It's positively
crying out to be haunted!
Who'll make the first bid?
Five hundred!
(cheers)
Aunt Hilda!
Well hello there,
who have we here?
(laughs) I'm a Leo!
Excuse me!
The Hocus Polka!
I love this song!
It's so retro.
Like I dig it too.
That's nice, now go away!
On second
thought, let's dance.
OW!
Ow!
Hey Leo, can you try
and dance on the floor,
not on my foot!
Sweet!
Let's boogie the night away!
Aahhhhh!
(belch)
(sneezes)
(bigger sneeze)
Achoo!
Whew!
Nobody noticed.
Maybe this wasn't
such a good idea.
Come on, you don't want
to poop this party do you?
Achoo!!
Mmmm ah.
Hey sleepyhead.
I did sleep rather deeply...
Good morning honey!
How're you feeling?
Great.
See?
No more cold!
(giggling) No way...
Hey!
Your new sweater!
Jeez, Cassandra.
I'm so sorry.
Oh don't sweat it Sabrina!
My term paper?
Would you believe - uh - my
blow dryer blew up my cell phone
which blew out my organizer
which blew out my hard drive?
Good one, Sabrina!
Huh?
You put a sleeping
potion spell on that salmon,
didn't you?
Then you snuck off
to the Ghostathon.
Cats!
Where'd you get
such a crazy idea?!
There.
I don't get it?
What's so funny?
Nothing.
In witchfolk, that's the first
symptom of the gargoyle flu.
But...
Yes?
I took cold potion and...
oh!
If that goblin I was
dancing with wasn't so clumsy.
You sneezed and
spread the germs.
So they giggle.
In Cassandra -- it's
actually an improvement.
That's just the first
phase...the other phases
aren't as harmless.
Hey, why aren't you giggling?
Hmm?
Since I was turned into a cat,
witch illnesses don't affect
me much.
Which means you can go to the
Netherworld with me to find a
cure!
Looks pretty normal to me...
Excuse me?
Oh, don't hurt me!
Okay, okay, calm down.
Don't you have a
new house to haunt?
It's infested with
bats and spiders...
And the lights flicker...
And the floors creak.
Sounds dreamy, I
mean, for a ghost.
Second phase of the
Gargoyle Flu: they go from
unexplainable giggles
to complete terror.
Stop it!
Stop blinking!
Huh?!
Your eyelashes!
They're frightening me!
Yaaahhhh!
I'm sorry!
I'm sorry!
Please forgive me!
Forgive you!?
I'm going to EAT you.
Ugh!
Hey! Why'd you do that?
Why'd he do that?
Third phase of the
illness, unbelievable rage!
RUN!
Follow me!
What happened?
Stage four of
the Gargoyle Flu.
Oh crud.
What do we do now?
If we don't find a cure fast,
they'll stay that way -- along
with the rest of
the Netherworld.
Oh Salem, it's all my fault!
What can we do?!
So you finished Zelda's soup?
How can you be hungry
at a time like this!?
I'm not.
I'm merely observing that
you drank that soup and you
haven't sneezed
since, have you?
No.
I feel fine.
As a half-witch I'd think
you'd have a few symptoms by
now.
Do you think
Zelda's soup cured me?
Could be.
If we isolated the right
ingredients then concentrated
it to full-witch strength,
maybe we'd have a cure.
Hi, Aunt Hilda.
Is Aunt Zelda around?
Ha!
Her Laziness?
Hah!
I don't believe her!
I have to do all
this shopping!
Oh!
You want me to clean that too?
Give it!
Zelda?
Hellooooo down there!
Aunt Zelda, can you tell me
what was in that soup you
made me?
You expect ME to remember
all those ingredients?
Do you realize how many
ingredients are in that stupid
soup?!
DO YOU?!
Phase three, Zelda-style.
What happened to phase two?
WELL?!
How dare you shout at
her, you lazy lollygagger!
YOU'RE CALLING ME LAZY?!
I sure am!
What'd'ya want to do about it?
Whoa!
HILDA!
Aunt Zelda!
Stop!
Oh, okay, Sabrina dear...
Aahh!
LOOK OUT!
Hiiiiiiyaaahh!
Aahh!
Aunt Zelda?
Aunt Hilda?
Oh Salem, this
is all my fault.
I was stubborn, selfish -- all
I could think about was me.
I couldn't agree more.
Thanks.
Problemo is: how're we going
to find that cure without
Zelda to tell us?
Experiment!
I give up.
We've tried everything.
Maybe it wasn't just
the broth that cured you.
You said something
about cold medicine?
Right!
Schnozz Pause!
Concentrate this healing brew,
So it will cure
the Gargoyle flu.
This kitchen!
It's cataclysmic!
I can't believe this mess!
Sabrina?
It was all my fault!
I never should have risked
everyone's health just so I
could go to a party.
Oh well, dear, we
all make mistakes.
Something to ponder while
you spend the next month
washing our dishes.
The next month?!
Well before you
get dishpan hands,
you've got a lot of work
to do in the Netherworld.
Took all night,
but here it is,
Ms. MaGroo--
Payback for the latte bath.
Hey, 'Brina, you okay?
Sure.
Things are
definitely back to normal.