Sabrina's Secret Life (2003–2004): Season 1, Episode 5 - Just a Rumor - full transcript
Using typical teenage bad judgment, Sabrina starts repeating a rumor she has heard from Tiffany & Margaux. It's a fairly hurtful sort of rumor about one of their classmates. When Sabrina sees how hurt her classmate is, she suffers a bout of remorse. When somebody starts spreading rumors about her, she gets downright militant. She asks Hilda & Zelda, rhetorically, where rumors come from. They answer, The Rumor Mill - metaphorically, Sabrina assumes. But no, this is a real thing, located in the Netherworld. When Sabrina learns it's Cassandra who gotten all the rumors started, she sets out to find this Rumor Mill - so she can start some rumors about Cassandra. The Mill is located along a remote mountain stream in The Realm. When Sabrina tries to manipulate its controls, the thing goes a little crazy. It starts cranking out absurd Rumors right & left, (physical manifestations of the Rumors, little weird winged insect-like things.) It's up to Sabrina to stamp out the Rumors before they do real damage.
♪Who's making
magic, making magic,
making magic♪
♪Who's making
magic, making magic,
making magic♪
♪What's going on here,
something's not right♪
♪Who's making magic now every
night♪
♪Witch Training lessons
till the mornin' light♪
♪Living Sabrina's Secret Life.
♪Who's making magic
♪Who's making magic
♪Who's making magic
♪Sabrina's Secret Life!
♪Witch training lessons now
every night♪
♪Sabrina's Secret Life!
Haven't you heard!
Snipe's posting
the test scores!
I wonder who will
have the top score?
Like it could be
anybody but you,
Cassandra.
Brains and looks.
How do I do it?
Hmmm.
Whoohooo!
I didn't fail the math test
Margaux, 23 is an F.
Never was good with numbers.
HEY!
NOOOOO WAYYYYYYYYY!
Harvey got 97 and I got 96!
How dare he get a
better grade than me!
That's soooo not fair.
Tragic, even.
It doesn't add up!
Well, yeah, but we still
oughta be happy for Harvey,
am I right?
I hear he cheated on the test.
Cheated?
Really?
That's so unlike Harvey.
I can't wait to tell Rachel!
I'll tell Millie to tell Liz
after she tells Tabitha not to
tell Sally!
You gotta be
kidding, Cassandra.
Not Harvey.
Well, that's what they say,
and why would they say it if
it wasn't true?
Oh. Yeah... Why would they?
Wanna hear what I heard?!
Harvey...
...totally cheated
on the math test!
Stole ALL the answers!
Used dynamite to blast a
hole in the school wall!
Broke into Snipe's office
in the middle of the night!
Tiffanydidyahear!?
The cops are looking for
Harvey and so is the FBI,
CIA, PTA, and the
Bulgarian Secret Police!
Where'd you hear that!?
Hey, Brina!
How'd you do on the math test?
Not as well as Harvey.
Yeah.
But didn't you hear?
He cheated!
Yeah.
I heard that, too.
The whole school's
talking about it.
I guess they
can't all be wrong.
Oh sure, keep the cat waiting.
His needs are unimportant.
Where is she, it's three
minutes past my snack time!
I'm wasting away
before my eyes!
Practically all fur and bones!
(gasp) Yesssss!
Not a moment too soon!
Hiya, Sabrina!
On parole already?
HUH?!?
Yahhhhh!
What're you talking about?
It's not fair to the rest of
us when you cheat on tests.
Whaaaaaat?
Where'd you hear that?!
It's... what they say.
Who's they?
You know, them...
Those that say things.
Hmmm.
And you believed
"them" without asking me?
Wellllllll...
they are in the majority.
Thanks a lot, Sabrina.
Harvey?
Why're you mad at me?
Maybe 'cause you were
repeating rumors you shouldn't
have?
Hey -- everybody
was saying it.
"Everybody?"
What do they know?
That's how rumors work.
Enough people spread 'em,
nobody knows what's true and
what's not.
You hear a rumor,
Brina, you squash it!
You don't, and they take over!
Be sure what you say is
the truth an' nothin' but!
Remember, the truth
will set you free!
You're right, Salem.
What should I do?
First thing tomorrow morning,
you're gonna apologize.
Now let's practice begging
forgiveness while you
get my treat.
Sabrina looks
soooo good today.
Her hair is gorgeous.
Of course you
know she dyes it.
You don't say!
She just did!
(whispering)
Harvey-
I heard.
You heard what?
You had a total
hair transplant,
but your scalp rejected
it, so you had a plastic wig
implanted in your head.
Ahhh!
Uhh!
You can hardly tell it's fake.
Can I touch it?
Seems almost real.
IT - IS - REAL!
I can't believe
you believe that!
Well, for the record,
I think your hair
looks very natural.
It is natural.
Oh.
Right.
Why would anybody
say such a thing!
I don't understand!
Sabrina, there's only one sort
of person who starts a rumor.
And that's a very
unhappy person.
Who wants others to be
as unhappy as they are.
But I don't get it.
Why?
How?
Where do rumors come from!?
From the Rumor Mill.
Yeah, right, uh-huh,(chuckles)
I'm totally serious.
So are we.
Totally.
It's in the Gray
Area, Sabrina,
in the Netherworld.
A very old mill
that makes rumors.
We tried to get it shut
down for years but it keeps
cranking 'em out.
Is there any way
to stop a rumor?
Only with the truth.
The truth will set you free.
Gee, where did you
hear that before?
Did you hear about Maritza!
Her parents are immigrants
-- from outer space!
That's what they say!
Time to find out
who this "they" is.
I heard it from Gladys.
Elwood told me.
Sally Anne said it.
It's gotta be true,
Cassandra told me it was.
Aaahhhhh!
You started
spreading all these rumors.
You went to the
Rumor Mill, didn't you?
Me, spread rumors?
How sad is that!
I've never even
heard of a Rumor Mill.
Oh.
Okayyyyy.
If you say so...
Sabrina's been weird since
her twin sister was sent to
reform school.
Maybe it's time Cassandra got
a taste of her own medicine.
Oh.
The Rumor Mill!
I'm gonna teach Cassandra a
lesson she'll never forget.
Hellooooo...!
Whattyawant!?
Do you work here?
Why, what've you heard?
I-I'm the Keeper of the Mill!
I-I'm the one who
makes this place run!
Don't touch that!
You wanna start a Rumor?!
Well... yeah? I do, sorta?
Just one harmless rumor-
Whattya mean harmless!
There's no such thing
as a harmless Rumor!
C'mere, lemme
show ya somethin'.
What are those things!?
Rumors.
Big ones an' little
ones, an' long ones,
an' short ones, spicy,
dicey, not-very-nicey ones,
young ones, old
ones, hot and cold ones.
Why are they in there?
Well you gotta
put 'em somewhere.
If they get out, they
spread like wildfire!
Why do you keep them?
I got no choice.
Rumors live forever.
People start Rumors, but they
don't take responsibility for
them.
So I'm stuck with 'em.
Rumor Mill.
What's that? Where?
I'll be right there.
I got a Rumor gone
bad, outta control.
Feel free to look around -
but don't touch anything,
especially not that there.
Couldn't hurt to start just...
one... little... rumor.
Only one.
Psst.
Didya hear?
Cassandra lies about her age!
You don't say!
Just a rumor.
How perfect is that!
Maybe just one more quick one.
Ya hear the four-one-one?
Cassandra has a birthmark
shaped like an Irish Setter
and an Irish Setter
shaped like a birthmark.
No!
That's what they say!
Cassandra was
raised by wolves.
This I gotta see!
Come on, fellow rumors, we
got some spreadin' to do!
Pssst, Sabrina!
Did you hear?!
Hear what?
Cassandra's
flunking out of P.E.!
And you won't believe what
kinda birthmark she has!
I'll give you a clue:
barks like a dog
I do not have false teeth!
If you had anything
to do with this-!
Cassandra, do you think
I would spread a rumor?
How sad is that!
Switch to "ugly" rumors.
I got a nasty one!
So do all of us!
What're we waitin' for?
Let's spread some dirt!
So you think I dress
like a color-blind clown!
But I-
And I dance
like a two-legged cow!
But I-
That was an awful thing to say!
Talking that way behind my
back!
Why are you
getting rid of me and
getting a dog?!
HOLD ON A MINUTE!
I don't know where you heard
any of this - but they're
JUST RUMORS!
(crowd screeching)
My heavens!
What's going on?
What're those things!?
More important,
do they eat cats?
Rumors!
Ugly ones, too!
Looks like the Rumor
Mill's been working overtime.
Oh no...
Sabrina, you didn't!
Did you?
She did.
Psssst, didya hear!?
Salem says Hilda's got
the world's baddest breath!
I meowed no such thing!
Zelda can't stand
Hilda's meatloaf!
That's not true!
I think your loaf
is very tender.
SABRINAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Hey.
You're the one
who set us free.
Aahhhh!
So lemme thank you by
givin' ya some inside dish.
There's somethin' big
goin' on over at the mall!
What, what do you mean?
Hey, I dunno - just a rumor.
The mall!?!
My uncle is NOT a vampire!
Matter of fact, my
mother does wear army boots.
But she does not have a beard.
PEOPLE!
Don't believe
anything you hear!
They're just rumors!
How do we know that's true?!
Yeah, maybe it's just a rumor!
If we don't get rid of
'em, they're gonna take over!
Now she gets it.
Yaahh!
Roses are red,
violets are blue,
rumors get spread, who
cares if they're true?
Hey, everybody, over here!
Where are we?
Can't see my hand
in fronta my face.
That's my face.
At least we got away
from those thiiiiings!
Uh, uh uh!
Now don't go startin' rumors.
A rumor has it, Harvey's
gonna get dumped in a vat of
mustard.
Ahhh!
Somebody, helllllllp me!
No!
I-I'm a ketchup man!
I-I'm Dijon intolerant!
I'm a tater not wein-
Rumor has it, Margaux's next!
No, I-I can't wear yellow.
I'm a "winter."
Margaux, totally
struck down by a spicey,
golden condiment.
Injustice, thy
name is mustard.
This is all our
fault, Cassandra.
Y'mean your fault!
I only let one Rumor
outta that awful mill!
So, you did go down there!
No, I mean-
that's just a Rumor!
Cassandra, we're the
only ones who can fix this.
Will you help?
Not you too, Tiffany?
(nasty laughter)
I could be next!
What're we gonna do?
Only one thing to do.
We really need your help.
I'm the one who needs help!
But I don't need it from you!
You-you've - done - enough!
I wanna make things
right, but I don't know how.
Now you see how hard it
is to squelch a rumor?
But there's gotta be
something we can do.
Well - there is ONE
person who might help...
the Professor.
But he's not easy to find.
He lives deep in the dark
heart of the Gray Area.
Aahhh!
Professor P.T. Diogenes,
PHD, DDS, FYI, IOU,
Doctor of Phrenology &
Physiology, Board
Certified & Bored Stiff,
Fortune Teller,
Master Mechanic,
and Gray Area
Canasta Champion!
What can I do for you?
We're here about rumors-
Honest John's Tried & True
Rumor Remover,
rejuvenates the truth,
revitalizes friendships or
double your money back less
twice the deposit!
Clears Rumors so fast,
nobody'll remember they were
ever there,
that's how good it is!
How much does it cost?
We're on a budget.
Today I'm running a special
and I'll let it go for a mere
forty Netherworld credits.
Oh...
Okay...
C'mon folks
everyboday sing with me!
(cheerleaderly) Rumors rule!
Rumors rule!
Spread 'em at the mall and
spread 'em at the school!
Ahhh!
Look what she has!
Rumor Remover!
Stop her, stop that girl!
(monster growls)
Over here, Sabrina.
Alley oop, the goop!
It's stuck.
Oh!
Cassandra.
Alley oop!
No time to dawdle, Sabrina.
Put a little
elbow grease in it!
I got rumors hounding me!
There's more than
one way to skin a cat.
Uh, no offense, Salem.
None taken, just do it!
It didn't work!
They're too powerful.
What do we do now?
Rumor has it, you're gonna
get a bath in the catsup vat.
Aahhh!
Remember, Brina - only
one thing'll set you free.
You're not true!
What?
You're nothing but lies.
Oh, don't say that.
We're sensitive.
Cassandra, it looks like they
don't like to be faced with
the truth.
Ouch.
You're a pack of lies!
Looks like the
Truth set us free.
I wish you'd figured that out
before we blew forty credits!
But what about, uh, them?
Maybe they don't have
to know the whole truth.
Hey Brina.
You're sure they
won't remember?
Sabrina, Cassandra - I got
the funniest idea stuck in my
head, 'bout you two,
doin' some kinda crazy magic,
and - huh?
Oh, Harvey.
You're not trying to
spread a rumor, are you?
magic, making magic,
making magic♪
♪Who's making
magic, making magic,
making magic♪
♪What's going on here,
something's not right♪
♪Who's making magic now every
night♪
♪Witch Training lessons
till the mornin' light♪
♪Living Sabrina's Secret Life.
♪Who's making magic
♪Who's making magic
♪Who's making magic
♪Sabrina's Secret Life!
♪Witch training lessons now
every night♪
♪Sabrina's Secret Life!
Haven't you heard!
Snipe's posting
the test scores!
I wonder who will
have the top score?
Like it could be
anybody but you,
Cassandra.
Brains and looks.
How do I do it?
Hmmm.
Whoohooo!
I didn't fail the math test
Margaux, 23 is an F.
Never was good with numbers.
HEY!
NOOOOO WAYYYYYYYYY!
Harvey got 97 and I got 96!
How dare he get a
better grade than me!
That's soooo not fair.
Tragic, even.
It doesn't add up!
Well, yeah, but we still
oughta be happy for Harvey,
am I right?
I hear he cheated on the test.
Cheated?
Really?
That's so unlike Harvey.
I can't wait to tell Rachel!
I'll tell Millie to tell Liz
after she tells Tabitha not to
tell Sally!
You gotta be
kidding, Cassandra.
Not Harvey.
Well, that's what they say,
and why would they say it if
it wasn't true?
Oh. Yeah... Why would they?
Wanna hear what I heard?!
Harvey...
...totally cheated
on the math test!
Stole ALL the answers!
Used dynamite to blast a
hole in the school wall!
Broke into Snipe's office
in the middle of the night!
Tiffanydidyahear!?
The cops are looking for
Harvey and so is the FBI,
CIA, PTA, and the
Bulgarian Secret Police!
Where'd you hear that!?
Hey, Brina!
How'd you do on the math test?
Not as well as Harvey.
Yeah.
But didn't you hear?
He cheated!
Yeah.
I heard that, too.
The whole school's
talking about it.
I guess they
can't all be wrong.
Oh sure, keep the cat waiting.
His needs are unimportant.
Where is she, it's three
minutes past my snack time!
I'm wasting away
before my eyes!
Practically all fur and bones!
(gasp) Yesssss!
Not a moment too soon!
Hiya, Sabrina!
On parole already?
HUH?!?
Yahhhhh!
What're you talking about?
It's not fair to the rest of
us when you cheat on tests.
Whaaaaaat?
Where'd you hear that?!
It's... what they say.
Who's they?
You know, them...
Those that say things.
Hmmm.
And you believed
"them" without asking me?
Wellllllll...
they are in the majority.
Thanks a lot, Sabrina.
Harvey?
Why're you mad at me?
Maybe 'cause you were
repeating rumors you shouldn't
have?
Hey -- everybody
was saying it.
"Everybody?"
What do they know?
That's how rumors work.
Enough people spread 'em,
nobody knows what's true and
what's not.
You hear a rumor,
Brina, you squash it!
You don't, and they take over!
Be sure what you say is
the truth an' nothin' but!
Remember, the truth
will set you free!
You're right, Salem.
What should I do?
First thing tomorrow morning,
you're gonna apologize.
Now let's practice begging
forgiveness while you
get my treat.
Sabrina looks
soooo good today.
Her hair is gorgeous.
Of course you
know she dyes it.
You don't say!
She just did!
(whispering)
Harvey-
I heard.
You heard what?
You had a total
hair transplant,
but your scalp rejected
it, so you had a plastic wig
implanted in your head.
Ahhh!
Uhh!
You can hardly tell it's fake.
Can I touch it?
Seems almost real.
IT - IS - REAL!
I can't believe
you believe that!
Well, for the record,
I think your hair
looks very natural.
It is natural.
Oh.
Right.
Why would anybody
say such a thing!
I don't understand!
Sabrina, there's only one sort
of person who starts a rumor.
And that's a very
unhappy person.
Who wants others to be
as unhappy as they are.
But I don't get it.
Why?
How?
Where do rumors come from!?
From the Rumor Mill.
Yeah, right, uh-huh,(chuckles)
I'm totally serious.
So are we.
Totally.
It's in the Gray
Area, Sabrina,
in the Netherworld.
A very old mill
that makes rumors.
We tried to get it shut
down for years but it keeps
cranking 'em out.
Is there any way
to stop a rumor?
Only with the truth.
The truth will set you free.
Gee, where did you
hear that before?
Did you hear about Maritza!
Her parents are immigrants
-- from outer space!
That's what they say!
Time to find out
who this "they" is.
I heard it from Gladys.
Elwood told me.
Sally Anne said it.
It's gotta be true,
Cassandra told me it was.
Aaahhhhh!
You started
spreading all these rumors.
You went to the
Rumor Mill, didn't you?
Me, spread rumors?
How sad is that!
I've never even
heard of a Rumor Mill.
Oh.
Okayyyyy.
If you say so...
Sabrina's been weird since
her twin sister was sent to
reform school.
Maybe it's time Cassandra got
a taste of her own medicine.
Oh.
The Rumor Mill!
I'm gonna teach Cassandra a
lesson she'll never forget.
Hellooooo...!
Whattyawant!?
Do you work here?
Why, what've you heard?
I-I'm the Keeper of the Mill!
I-I'm the one who
makes this place run!
Don't touch that!
You wanna start a Rumor?!
Well... yeah? I do, sorta?
Just one harmless rumor-
Whattya mean harmless!
There's no such thing
as a harmless Rumor!
C'mere, lemme
show ya somethin'.
What are those things!?
Rumors.
Big ones an' little
ones, an' long ones,
an' short ones, spicy,
dicey, not-very-nicey ones,
young ones, old
ones, hot and cold ones.
Why are they in there?
Well you gotta
put 'em somewhere.
If they get out, they
spread like wildfire!
Why do you keep them?
I got no choice.
Rumors live forever.
People start Rumors, but they
don't take responsibility for
them.
So I'm stuck with 'em.
Rumor Mill.
What's that? Where?
I'll be right there.
I got a Rumor gone
bad, outta control.
Feel free to look around -
but don't touch anything,
especially not that there.
Couldn't hurt to start just...
one... little... rumor.
Only one.
Psst.
Didya hear?
Cassandra lies about her age!
You don't say!
Just a rumor.
How perfect is that!
Maybe just one more quick one.
Ya hear the four-one-one?
Cassandra has a birthmark
shaped like an Irish Setter
and an Irish Setter
shaped like a birthmark.
No!
That's what they say!
Cassandra was
raised by wolves.
This I gotta see!
Come on, fellow rumors, we
got some spreadin' to do!
Pssst, Sabrina!
Did you hear?!
Hear what?
Cassandra's
flunking out of P.E.!
And you won't believe what
kinda birthmark she has!
I'll give you a clue:
barks like a dog
I do not have false teeth!
If you had anything
to do with this-!
Cassandra, do you think
I would spread a rumor?
How sad is that!
Switch to "ugly" rumors.
I got a nasty one!
So do all of us!
What're we waitin' for?
Let's spread some dirt!
So you think I dress
like a color-blind clown!
But I-
And I dance
like a two-legged cow!
But I-
That was an awful thing to say!
Talking that way behind my
back!
Why are you
getting rid of me and
getting a dog?!
HOLD ON A MINUTE!
I don't know where you heard
any of this - but they're
JUST RUMORS!
(crowd screeching)
My heavens!
What's going on?
What're those things!?
More important,
do they eat cats?
Rumors!
Ugly ones, too!
Looks like the Rumor
Mill's been working overtime.
Oh no...
Sabrina, you didn't!
Did you?
She did.
Psssst, didya hear!?
Salem says Hilda's got
the world's baddest breath!
I meowed no such thing!
Zelda can't stand
Hilda's meatloaf!
That's not true!
I think your loaf
is very tender.
SABRINAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Hey.
You're the one
who set us free.
Aahhhh!
So lemme thank you by
givin' ya some inside dish.
There's somethin' big
goin' on over at the mall!
What, what do you mean?
Hey, I dunno - just a rumor.
The mall!?!
My uncle is NOT a vampire!
Matter of fact, my
mother does wear army boots.
But she does not have a beard.
PEOPLE!
Don't believe
anything you hear!
They're just rumors!
How do we know that's true?!
Yeah, maybe it's just a rumor!
If we don't get rid of
'em, they're gonna take over!
Now she gets it.
Yaahh!
Roses are red,
violets are blue,
rumors get spread, who
cares if they're true?
Hey, everybody, over here!
Where are we?
Can't see my hand
in fronta my face.
That's my face.
At least we got away
from those thiiiiings!
Uh, uh uh!
Now don't go startin' rumors.
A rumor has it, Harvey's
gonna get dumped in a vat of
mustard.
Ahhh!
Somebody, helllllllp me!
No!
I-I'm a ketchup man!
I-I'm Dijon intolerant!
I'm a tater not wein-
Rumor has it, Margaux's next!
No, I-I can't wear yellow.
I'm a "winter."
Margaux, totally
struck down by a spicey,
golden condiment.
Injustice, thy
name is mustard.
This is all our
fault, Cassandra.
Y'mean your fault!
I only let one Rumor
outta that awful mill!
So, you did go down there!
No, I mean-
that's just a Rumor!
Cassandra, we're the
only ones who can fix this.
Will you help?
Not you too, Tiffany?
(nasty laughter)
I could be next!
What're we gonna do?
Only one thing to do.
We really need your help.
I'm the one who needs help!
But I don't need it from you!
You-you've - done - enough!
I wanna make things
right, but I don't know how.
Now you see how hard it
is to squelch a rumor?
But there's gotta be
something we can do.
Well - there is ONE
person who might help...
the Professor.
But he's not easy to find.
He lives deep in the dark
heart of the Gray Area.
Aahhh!
Professor P.T. Diogenes,
PHD, DDS, FYI, IOU,
Doctor of Phrenology &
Physiology, Board
Certified & Bored Stiff,
Fortune Teller,
Master Mechanic,
and Gray Area
Canasta Champion!
What can I do for you?
We're here about rumors-
Honest John's Tried & True
Rumor Remover,
rejuvenates the truth,
revitalizes friendships or
double your money back less
twice the deposit!
Clears Rumors so fast,
nobody'll remember they were
ever there,
that's how good it is!
How much does it cost?
We're on a budget.
Today I'm running a special
and I'll let it go for a mere
forty Netherworld credits.
Oh...
Okay...
C'mon folks
everyboday sing with me!
(cheerleaderly) Rumors rule!
Rumors rule!
Spread 'em at the mall and
spread 'em at the school!
Ahhh!
Look what she has!
Rumor Remover!
Stop her, stop that girl!
(monster growls)
Over here, Sabrina.
Alley oop, the goop!
It's stuck.
Oh!
Cassandra.
Alley oop!
No time to dawdle, Sabrina.
Put a little
elbow grease in it!
I got rumors hounding me!
There's more than
one way to skin a cat.
Uh, no offense, Salem.
None taken, just do it!
It didn't work!
They're too powerful.
What do we do now?
Rumor has it, you're gonna
get a bath in the catsup vat.
Aahhh!
Remember, Brina - only
one thing'll set you free.
You're not true!
What?
You're nothing but lies.
Oh, don't say that.
We're sensitive.
Cassandra, it looks like they
don't like to be faced with
the truth.
Ouch.
You're a pack of lies!
Looks like the
Truth set us free.
I wish you'd figured that out
before we blew forty credits!
But what about, uh, them?
Maybe they don't have
to know the whole truth.
Hey Brina.
You're sure they
won't remember?
Sabrina, Cassandra - I got
the funniest idea stuck in my
head, 'bout you two,
doin' some kinda crazy magic,
and - huh?
Oh, Harvey.
You're not trying to
spread a rumor, are you?