Sabrina's Secret Life (2003–2004): Season 1, Episode 2 - School Spirit - full transcript
It's fundraising time at both of Sabrina's schools. Sabrina bites off much 'more than she can chew' and decides to win top sales at both schools, simultaneously at the same time. And she does, working herself ragged, pounding on every door she can find. She's the hero of the day! But when the Upper-School cookie dough gets mixed up with the Under-School cursed ecto-plasma from the nether region - comical chaos ensues. Greendale citizens are undergoing straaaaange transformations and Inhabitants of The Realm are packing on a few extra pounds around the hips. With Salem's questionable assistance, Sabrina retrieves every last ounce of the plasma and switches it back with the cookie dough. Except one last batch, which went to the sweet old lady down the street, who now has fangs and wings and is flying off into the moonlit night...
♪Who's making
magic, making magic,
making magic♪
♪Who's making
magic, making magic,
making magic♪
♪What's going on here,
something's not right♪
♪Who's making magic now every
night♪
♪Witch Training lessons
till the mornin' light♪
♪Living Sabrina's Secret Life.
♪Who's making magic
♪Who's making magic
♪Who's making magic
♪Sabrina's Secret Life!
♪Witch training lessons now
every night♪
♪Sabrina's Secret Life!
Snipe: What do you call a
person who can -
Cassandra:
Mind reader!
Snipe: First rate, Cassandra!
Now who can tell me the ninth
spell of transmogrification?
Toxicodendron radicands!
Poof!
Aahhh!
Aahh!
That, Sabrina, would be
Latin for Poison Ivy.
Mr. Snipe, there is no ninth
spell of transmogrification.
There are only eight.
And the eighth is
Leopolus Emeritatus.
Hmmm.
Hmmm.
Tomorrow we begin the Fall
Fund-Raiser and it's a great
chance to go out there and
do your best for the school!
And since we both
know who's best,
you can settle
for second best,
can't you, Sabrina?
You girls better get moving,
time for your other classes.
And perhaps it's time for both
of you to stop rushing to be
"best" and start thinking
about just doing your best.
Hmmm.
Who can tell me, which is
the ninth planet from the sun?
There is no ninth
planet, there are only eight!
RAUCOUS LAUGHTER
Mr. Snipe, the ninth
planet is Pluto.
Cassandra, you are the best.
I like, always
lose count after six!
Tomorrow we begin
the Fall Fund-Raiser,
a chance to go out there and
do your best for the school.
Your best, best, best, best.
Hey, Sabrina!
You okay?
Hey, sure, why not?
I mean, after 'back there'.
If you're feeling bad, don't.
No?
All you gotta
change is your outlook!
Y'think...?
How so?
You just gotta accept, there's
two kinds of people in this
world.
There's the
Winners, and there's you.
There's the Best,
and there's you.
There's me, and there's you.
Sabrina:
Life is soooo not fair!
Huh?
Tell me about it,
there's three chips in here.
The rest is air.
Why do I have to
be second best!
Why can't I be
the best, for once!
Hey, you're the best whiner.
Salem!
The problem is, you want
everything handed to you on a
platter!
Um, hand me that milk
bowl - on the platter.
Thanks.
Look, Brina, you
wanna do better,
you - try - harder!
It's a tough world, sister,
so take the bull by the horns,
'cause it's dog eat dog and
the early bird gets the worm!
Say that again?
Well ya, gotta take a bird by
the hand 'cause the dog gets
worms, and somebody's
tough sister plays the horn.
I think.
Never mind.
I get the point.
I had a point?
You're right!
I'll never be best till
I'm better than Cassandra!
I said that?
Yeah, sounds like
something I'd say.
And the Fall Fund-Raiser
is just how I'll do it!
We're very lucky this year.
For our witch
school fund-raiser,
we'll be selling
Proto-Ecto-Polter-Plasm.
Ooh!
Gah!
Finest instant
monster mix on the market.
Put me down for,
let's say, ...a dozen.
Wonderful, Cassandra!
That's twice what
you took last year!
I'll taaaaaake...
Uh... a dozen dozen.
Whaaaaaat?!?
Howwww many?
That's 144 boxes, Mr. Snipe.
Yes, well, I know, Sabrina,
but perhaps you're biting off
more than you can chew...?
Maybe for the old Sabrina,
not the new Sabrina.
Ahh!
Wait! I'll take the same!
Girls, this isn't
about being the best,
it's about doing your best.
Now, do you want
to rethink this?
NO!
HMPH!
Hmph-HMPH!
We're lucky this year to be
selling the best cookie dough
on the market.
If you'd like to place orders
I'll -
Cassandra:
A hundred boxes!
Cassandra, you go, girl!
You are the best!
Sabrina:
Two hundred!
Huh?
Three!
FOUR!
Huh?
We both signed up for all-time
high sales ever - at both
schools - at the same time!
544 boxes total!
Cassandra's never
gonna sell 'em all!
Huh?
Hmmm.
Who's the best,
who, who, who!?
Sabrinaaa,
Sabrinaaaa, the new Sabrina!
That's who-whoo-whooooo!
Now, Sabrina, dear, we
don't mean to sound at
all negative, but -
No, sweetheart, we are,
of course, entirely
supportive, but -
But we think ya bit
off wayyyy more
than you can chew.
Is there an echo in here?
That's just what Mr. Snipe
said to the old Sabrina.
(truck rumbling)
Now what do you
suppose that could be?
Delivery for the new Sabrina.
And what could that be?
I can't wait to get started!
And I wouldn't
wait - if I were you.
Which we're glad we're not.
Gee, thanks.
Those boxes will go bad if
they're not refrigerated.
And our fridge is full up.
And I'd say you
have abooooout,
six hours, Hilda?
More like five, Zelda.
Best of luck, dear.
I'm afraid you'll need it.
Oh, and, Sabrina!
Put us down for a
couple of boxes.
Make it one.
We've got calories to count.
Salem: Only 543 left.
Times a-wastin', you
lean mean selling machine.
Sabrinaaaaaaa!
Hope you didn't bite off
more than you can chew.
Why is everybody so
worried about my chewing?!
Look, Cassandra, I know
everyone on this block and I'm
sure they'll each
buy several boxes.
Yeah - they already did.
From me.
She can't- it's
not- it's not fair!
What, do I hear whining again?
You're right, Salem.
I'm not gonna let
Cassandra outdo me.
I'm gonna sell every last box!
You gotta start
somewhere - so here ya go!
Thanks, Salem!
Ahhh!
Salem: Don't mention it.
Hi, Miss Luvvy!
I'm selling cookie dough to
raise money for my school and
I wonder if you'd
like to buy a-
Oooooooh, I'd love
to, Sabrina-child!
But I just
bought two boxes from the
sweetest little girl.
Cassandra...
'Scuse me!
I'm on a diet.
Coming through!
Hmm.
Oh.
Oh, I don't allow
cookies in the house.
Sugar gets Elmer
all worked-up.
It's not fair,
it's not, it's not,
it's not, Oh...
Again with the whining?
Salem - please -
don't leave me.
This is me - leaving.
CRYING
Don't bother crying.
It won't work.
Why does the
crying always work!
There's only 45 minutes left.
Cassandra musta sold
all her cookies by now.
But I couldn't
sell a single box.
So you're giving up.
It's impossible, Salem!
It'd take a miracle!
It'd take!
Magic?
Yeah!
Huh?
Now there's a new Sabrina!
Good afternoon, Madame, and
may I say you look like the
type who only wants
the best in life.
And that's why I'm here
- because these cookies,
like you- Ahh.
-are the best - so how many
boxes can I put you down for?
My first sale!
Yes!
High five!
Not that high.
If it works with cookies,
it'll work with Monster Mix!
This is gonna be easy!
Not as easy as
you think, Hmmm.
Change cookie
dough and monster mix,
on Sabrina play
some nasty tricks!
Oops!
Excuse me.
Here you go.
Oops.
I did it, Salem, 544 boxes!
I got to admit, Brina, I
didn't think you'd do it.
But you're gooooood.
Good?
- I'm the best!
Huh?
I knew it, goes straight
to my hips every time!
Salem - we have a problem.
Whattya mean we, ya
lean mean sellin' machine?
Hmm.
Very tasty!
belch
How
could this happen!?
I was so careful!
Hey. You did your best.
And it just
wasn't good enough.
What am I gonna do, Salem!
Ahhh!
I dunno, but do
it fast, would ya?
Ahhh!
How'd I get into this mess!?
Hey, hey!
Keep your hands off the fur!
Magic!
Of course!
That got me in trouble
and that'll get me out!
Ahhh!
Deehh!
Hurry, huh?
You bit off more than you
could chew an' now it's tryin'
ta chew me!
Now what was the spell?
The 8th spell of
transmogrification,
or was it 9th?
I remember!
Lepus Americanus!
Lepus!
Americanus!
LEPUS AMERICANUS!
LEP-LEP-LEPUS!
Yahhhh!
Sabrina! Hold it! HOLD IT!
That's not a magic spell!
That's Latin for rabbit!
- which is what
they're multiplyin' like!
Hon, you could stand
to lose a few pounds.
Look who's talking.
I'm gonna go out on a limb
here and say that this
situation is
sliiightly outta hand.
Like maybe I bit off
more than I could chew?
Aaaaahhhhhh!
Ahh!
Yaaaahhhhh!
Aaahhhhhh!
Snipe: Having a little
trouble, Sabrina?
Oh, no...
I made an awful
mess, Mr. Snipe.
And how did that happen?
I guess, 'cause I was always
tired of coming in second,
being second best.
I wanted to be the
best, just once.
This is where it got me - and
I got no clue how to fix it.
I've always told you, Sabrina.
No teacher cares who's the best,
only that you do your best.
Here's a spell, Sabrina.
Speak it and it will turn
everyone back to normal - and
nobody will remember a thing.
Thank you, Mr. Snipe!
First, of course, you'll
have to track them all down.
Oh!
Which shouldn't be too hard!
Yiiii!
Bat-creature,
three-o'-clock high!
I'm on it!
What has been changed,
now must be rearranged!
'Nother one, over there!
What has been changed
Now must be rearranged!
Aaaahhh!
I'm half the
girl I used to be!
Salem: So now Sabrina, let's
bake some cookies and
switch the boxes,
and we're done!
That's all of 'em.
I can't believe I did it.
Whatta ya mean, you?
We, Salem.
Hmmm.
Is everything
okay now, Sabrina?
Everything's back to
the way it should be.
And it's gonna stay that way.
Oh, Mr. Sniiiiipe!
Just thought
you'd like to know,
I sold all my boxes.
All, 544!
I sold all mine, too.
Oh?
You mean, almost.
Looks like you missed one.
But... How'd that get...
Guess that's 543 for Sabrina.
Which makes her second best.
As usual.
Ehh, just remembered!
I forgot to buy a box.
And since this is
the only one left...
...I suppose it's a tie.
And I think at least
one of you learned,
it's not about being the
best, but being your best.
Thanks, Mr. Snipe.
You said that before.
But I didn't hear
it the first time.
Hmmm.
Anyone hungry for a snack?
We baked cookies!
Music to my ears!
I'll take one!
Come on, Awww gimme, PLEASE!
Here, Cassandra.
No hard feelings, okay?
Whoa-whoa-wait!
Was that one of the
boxes I switched!?
You what, Cassandra?
Nothing, nothing!
I didn't say anything!
What's everybody looking at!?
What's the matter, huh?!
Looks like you bit off
more than you shoulda chewed.
Why's everybody laughing!
Ahhhh!
What's so funny!
I don't see it,
where's the humor here!?
I'm waiting,
let's share the joke,
whatttya say!?
magic, making magic,
making magic♪
♪Who's making
magic, making magic,
making magic♪
♪What's going on here,
something's not right♪
♪Who's making magic now every
night♪
♪Witch Training lessons
till the mornin' light♪
♪Living Sabrina's Secret Life.
♪Who's making magic
♪Who's making magic
♪Who's making magic
♪Sabrina's Secret Life!
♪Witch training lessons now
every night♪
♪Sabrina's Secret Life!
Snipe: What do you call a
person who can -
Cassandra:
Mind reader!
Snipe: First rate, Cassandra!
Now who can tell me the ninth
spell of transmogrification?
Toxicodendron radicands!
Poof!
Aahhh!
Aahh!
That, Sabrina, would be
Latin for Poison Ivy.
Mr. Snipe, there is no ninth
spell of transmogrification.
There are only eight.
And the eighth is
Leopolus Emeritatus.
Hmmm.
Hmmm.
Tomorrow we begin the Fall
Fund-Raiser and it's a great
chance to go out there and
do your best for the school!
And since we both
know who's best,
you can settle
for second best,
can't you, Sabrina?
You girls better get moving,
time for your other classes.
And perhaps it's time for both
of you to stop rushing to be
"best" and start thinking
about just doing your best.
Hmmm.
Who can tell me, which is
the ninth planet from the sun?
There is no ninth
planet, there are only eight!
RAUCOUS LAUGHTER
Mr. Snipe, the ninth
planet is Pluto.
Cassandra, you are the best.
I like, always
lose count after six!
Tomorrow we begin
the Fall Fund-Raiser,
a chance to go out there and
do your best for the school.
Your best, best, best, best.
Hey, Sabrina!
You okay?
Hey, sure, why not?
I mean, after 'back there'.
If you're feeling bad, don't.
No?
All you gotta
change is your outlook!
Y'think...?
How so?
You just gotta accept, there's
two kinds of people in this
world.
There's the
Winners, and there's you.
There's the Best,
and there's you.
There's me, and there's you.
Sabrina:
Life is soooo not fair!
Huh?
Tell me about it,
there's three chips in here.
The rest is air.
Why do I have to
be second best!
Why can't I be
the best, for once!
Hey, you're the best whiner.
Salem!
The problem is, you want
everything handed to you on a
platter!
Um, hand me that milk
bowl - on the platter.
Thanks.
Look, Brina, you
wanna do better,
you - try - harder!
It's a tough world, sister,
so take the bull by the horns,
'cause it's dog eat dog and
the early bird gets the worm!
Say that again?
Well ya, gotta take a bird by
the hand 'cause the dog gets
worms, and somebody's
tough sister plays the horn.
I think.
Never mind.
I get the point.
I had a point?
You're right!
I'll never be best till
I'm better than Cassandra!
I said that?
Yeah, sounds like
something I'd say.
And the Fall Fund-Raiser
is just how I'll do it!
We're very lucky this year.
For our witch
school fund-raiser,
we'll be selling
Proto-Ecto-Polter-Plasm.
Ooh!
Gah!
Finest instant
monster mix on the market.
Put me down for,
let's say, ...a dozen.
Wonderful, Cassandra!
That's twice what
you took last year!
I'll taaaaaake...
Uh... a dozen dozen.
Whaaaaaat?!?
Howwww many?
That's 144 boxes, Mr. Snipe.
Yes, well, I know, Sabrina,
but perhaps you're biting off
more than you can chew...?
Maybe for the old Sabrina,
not the new Sabrina.
Ahh!
Wait! I'll take the same!
Girls, this isn't
about being the best,
it's about doing your best.
Now, do you want
to rethink this?
NO!
HMPH!
Hmph-HMPH!
We're lucky this year to be
selling the best cookie dough
on the market.
If you'd like to place orders
I'll -
Cassandra:
A hundred boxes!
Cassandra, you go, girl!
You are the best!
Sabrina:
Two hundred!
Huh?
Three!
FOUR!
Huh?
We both signed up for all-time
high sales ever - at both
schools - at the same time!
544 boxes total!
Cassandra's never
gonna sell 'em all!
Huh?
Hmmm.
Who's the best,
who, who, who!?
Sabrinaaa,
Sabrinaaaa, the new Sabrina!
That's who-whoo-whooooo!
Now, Sabrina, dear, we
don't mean to sound at
all negative, but -
No, sweetheart, we are,
of course, entirely
supportive, but -
But we think ya bit
off wayyyy more
than you can chew.
Is there an echo in here?
That's just what Mr. Snipe
said to the old Sabrina.
(truck rumbling)
Now what do you
suppose that could be?
Delivery for the new Sabrina.
And what could that be?
I can't wait to get started!
And I wouldn't
wait - if I were you.
Which we're glad we're not.
Gee, thanks.
Those boxes will go bad if
they're not refrigerated.
And our fridge is full up.
And I'd say you
have abooooout,
six hours, Hilda?
More like five, Zelda.
Best of luck, dear.
I'm afraid you'll need it.
Oh, and, Sabrina!
Put us down for a
couple of boxes.
Make it one.
We've got calories to count.
Salem: Only 543 left.
Times a-wastin', you
lean mean selling machine.
Sabrinaaaaaaa!
Hope you didn't bite off
more than you can chew.
Why is everybody so
worried about my chewing?!
Look, Cassandra, I know
everyone on this block and I'm
sure they'll each
buy several boxes.
Yeah - they already did.
From me.
She can't- it's
not- it's not fair!
What, do I hear whining again?
You're right, Salem.
I'm not gonna let
Cassandra outdo me.
I'm gonna sell every last box!
You gotta start
somewhere - so here ya go!
Thanks, Salem!
Ahhh!
Salem: Don't mention it.
Hi, Miss Luvvy!
I'm selling cookie dough to
raise money for my school and
I wonder if you'd
like to buy a-
Oooooooh, I'd love
to, Sabrina-child!
But I just
bought two boxes from the
sweetest little girl.
Cassandra...
'Scuse me!
I'm on a diet.
Coming through!
Hmm.
Oh.
Oh, I don't allow
cookies in the house.
Sugar gets Elmer
all worked-up.
It's not fair,
it's not, it's not,
it's not, Oh...
Again with the whining?
Salem - please -
don't leave me.
This is me - leaving.
CRYING
Don't bother crying.
It won't work.
Why does the
crying always work!
There's only 45 minutes left.
Cassandra musta sold
all her cookies by now.
But I couldn't
sell a single box.
So you're giving up.
It's impossible, Salem!
It'd take a miracle!
It'd take!
Magic?
Yeah!
Huh?
Now there's a new Sabrina!
Good afternoon, Madame, and
may I say you look like the
type who only wants
the best in life.
And that's why I'm here
- because these cookies,
like you- Ahh.
-are the best - so how many
boxes can I put you down for?
My first sale!
Yes!
High five!
Not that high.
If it works with cookies,
it'll work with Monster Mix!
This is gonna be easy!
Not as easy as
you think, Hmmm.
Change cookie
dough and monster mix,
on Sabrina play
some nasty tricks!
Oops!
Excuse me.
Here you go.
Oops.
I did it, Salem, 544 boxes!
I got to admit, Brina, I
didn't think you'd do it.
But you're gooooood.
Good?
- I'm the best!
Huh?
I knew it, goes straight
to my hips every time!
Salem - we have a problem.
Whattya mean we, ya
lean mean sellin' machine?
Hmm.
Very tasty!
belch
How
could this happen!?
I was so careful!
Hey. You did your best.
And it just
wasn't good enough.
What am I gonna do, Salem!
Ahhh!
I dunno, but do
it fast, would ya?
Ahhh!
How'd I get into this mess!?
Hey, hey!
Keep your hands off the fur!
Magic!
Of course!
That got me in trouble
and that'll get me out!
Ahhh!
Deehh!
Hurry, huh?
You bit off more than you
could chew an' now it's tryin'
ta chew me!
Now what was the spell?
The 8th spell of
transmogrification,
or was it 9th?
I remember!
Lepus Americanus!
Lepus!
Americanus!
LEPUS AMERICANUS!
LEP-LEP-LEPUS!
Yahhhh!
Sabrina! Hold it! HOLD IT!
That's not a magic spell!
That's Latin for rabbit!
- which is what
they're multiplyin' like!
Hon, you could stand
to lose a few pounds.
Look who's talking.
I'm gonna go out on a limb
here and say that this
situation is
sliiightly outta hand.
Like maybe I bit off
more than I could chew?
Aaaaahhhhhh!
Ahh!
Yaaaahhhhh!
Aaahhhhhh!
Snipe: Having a little
trouble, Sabrina?
Oh, no...
I made an awful
mess, Mr. Snipe.
And how did that happen?
I guess, 'cause I was always
tired of coming in second,
being second best.
I wanted to be the
best, just once.
This is where it got me - and
I got no clue how to fix it.
I've always told you, Sabrina.
No teacher cares who's the best,
only that you do your best.
Here's a spell, Sabrina.
Speak it and it will turn
everyone back to normal - and
nobody will remember a thing.
Thank you, Mr. Snipe!
First, of course, you'll
have to track them all down.
Oh!
Which shouldn't be too hard!
Yiiii!
Bat-creature,
three-o'-clock high!
I'm on it!
What has been changed,
now must be rearranged!
'Nother one, over there!
What has been changed
Now must be rearranged!
Aaaahhh!
I'm half the
girl I used to be!
Salem: So now Sabrina, let's
bake some cookies and
switch the boxes,
and we're done!
That's all of 'em.
I can't believe I did it.
Whatta ya mean, you?
We, Salem.
Hmmm.
Is everything
okay now, Sabrina?
Everything's back to
the way it should be.
And it's gonna stay that way.
Oh, Mr. Sniiiiipe!
Just thought
you'd like to know,
I sold all my boxes.
All, 544!
I sold all mine, too.
Oh?
You mean, almost.
Looks like you missed one.
But... How'd that get...
Guess that's 543 for Sabrina.
Which makes her second best.
As usual.
Ehh, just remembered!
I forgot to buy a box.
And since this is
the only one left...
...I suppose it's a tie.
And I think at least
one of you learned,
it's not about being the
best, but being your best.
Thanks, Mr. Snipe.
You said that before.
But I didn't hear
it the first time.
Hmmm.
Anyone hungry for a snack?
We baked cookies!
Music to my ears!
I'll take one!
Come on, Awww gimme, PLEASE!
Here, Cassandra.
No hard feelings, okay?
Whoa-whoa-wait!
Was that one of the
boxes I switched!?
You what, Cassandra?
Nothing, nothing!
I didn't say anything!
What's everybody looking at!?
What's the matter, huh?!
Looks like you bit off
more than you shoulda chewed.
Why's everybody laughing!
Ahhhh!
What's so funny!
I don't see it,
where's the humor here!?
I'm waiting,
let's share the joke,
whatttya say!?