Sabrina's Secret Life (2003–2004): Season 1, Episode 17 - Food 'Tude - full transcript

Sabrina is given cafeteria work for two weeks (all students rotate through). She's cramming for a big test coming up in Ms. McGrooney's normal English class, and she's started a crash diet for school pictures soon. Surrounded by food, she tries to distract herself with her studies, but falls behind on the pan-washing detail. Finally overwhelmed, she casts a spell on the pots and pans so they clean themselves; she continues to cram for the test. But when she finds herself reaching for a snack, she controls her urge and sighs, "Croutons are my enemy. And so are cookies, and cheese..." Unfortunately, her complaint 'turns into' a spell, thanks to the magic already running the pots and pans. It's not until she returns to the cafeteria later that she discovers the foodstuffs have morphed into a literal army (like ants). And while they're small now, they're just starting to grow, threatening the entire school. Sabrina's confident she can handle the problem, but her crash diet is making her weak and fuzzy-headed. It takes help from her aunts to realize that a balanced diet is the right way to go, and she ultimately is forced to 'make peace' with the cookies, and croutons, and cheese. Also, when Ms. McGrooney learns about this latest stunt, she assigns Sabrina to extra cafeteria work - but this time, no magic!

♪Who's making
magic, making magic,
making magic♪

♪Who's making
magic, making magic,
making magic♪

♪What's going on here,
something's not right♪

♪Who's making magic now every
night♪

♪Witch Training lessons
till the mornin' light♪

♪Living Sabrina's Secret Life.

♪Who's making magic

♪Who's making magic

♪Who's making magic

♪Sabrina's Secret Life!

♪Witch training lessons now
every night♪



♪Sabrina's Secret Life!

Salem!

Sa-lem!

My sleep should be
thought of as sacred.

Salem?

Have you seen my
clean laundry?

Yes, and it was
quite comfortable,

thank you.

If you're sleeping in my
clean clothes again-

You'll never know.

"Rumpled clothes
offend the eye,

quickly wash and quicker dry."

Wait stop!

No shrinking!



What's that?

Salem?!

Hmmm? Yes?

Uh, problems, Sabrina?

You sound uh, concerned.

No.

I just need my favorite jeans.

They're perfect for a
bike ride with Harvey!

As long as they're not
covered in cat hair.

Huh?

What's wrong with my jeans?

wrong with me?

I'm fat!

Ohmigosh!

School pictures are this week!

I can't have my
picture taken like this!

Don't panic, Sabrina.

There's time to
lose the weight.

I just have to get...

Serious.

Hey, Sabrina!

Slow down!

My cramps are getting cramps!

Come on, Harvey.

There'll be plenty of
time to rest later.

Like next Tuesday.

I don't think I'm gonna
make it to next Tuesday - Hey!

Aaaaaahhhh!

Oh, man!

The chain came off.

Here, let me help you.

Can't waste time
resting, ya know.

Gosh, Sabrina, what's with all
the exercise all of a sudden?

I want to lose some weight
for school pictures this week.

Hmmm.

What for?

They only take a
picture of your face.

So you're saying I really
do need to lose weight?

No, no, I'm saying you
don't need to bother.

Because I'm already hopeless?!

I'm a lost cause?!

I'm fat?!

Is that what you're saying?

No...

I'm saying -- I'm trying to say
-- my bike lost its chain...

Humpf.

Well, some of us
have weight to lose!

Wrist weights, Sabrina?

And the ankle weights?

And the sweatband?

It's all so "1988 gym class".

Well...

you know school pictures
are coming up this week -

Ohmigosh!

School pictures!

All my best tops
are at the cleaners!

My hairdresser is in
Aruba -- this is a crisis!

You're not kidding.

The only good thing about this
week is that Mr. Snipe is gone

to some Netherworld
conference.

Today we're going to learn
about the art of thaumaturgy.

Our first experiment will
deal with creating light.

We begin with a dash
of extract of firefly.

I wonder if
Cassandra thinks I look fat?

Next, add a pinch of
dried purple fireweed.

Bet Ms.
Magrooney thinks I do...

Now, put in one small lump
of cave giant bitumen

and grind well.

Wish I could just
grind the pounds away.

Why does losing
weight have to be so hard?

That should be
sufficient, girls.

Uh, Sabrina?

SABRINA!!!

Uh, what?

Grinding time is over.

You may add a pinch of
sunflower pollen now.

Wow!

Hmmm.

Sometimes you have to
jump-start the magic with a

nudge from your wand.

Like this?

Sabrina?

See me after school.

Yes, Ms. Magrooney.

Now, class, with
Mr. Snipe gone,

it's been a long
enough day for me already.

I want each of you to
carefully add the catalysts in

your test tubes
to your flasks.

Observe the reaction.

Oh!

Hey.

Hmmm.

(laughs)

Why isn't this working?

Ms. Magrooney did say
sometimes things need a little

jump-start.

Oh, no!

What's happening?!

Whoa!

Whoa!

Ms. Magrooney?

Over here!

Sabrina!

I should have known!

Quick now, class!

Everybody out!

This is not a drill!

I saw that little
trick with the wand,

Spellman.

Keep moving!

Keep moving!

Sabrina, I want to -

"See me after
school." Yes, ma'am.

I bet you do...

So I have to work in the
cafeteria for the next few

days. For detention.

I got cafeteria
detention once.

I left my dirty gym
socks in my locker too long.

Pretty soon they were
trying to destroy Tokyo.

You were
scrubbing pots for weeks!

You didn't just
get dishpan hands.

You got dishpan everything!

Sabrina, sweetie.

You didn't eat your dinner.

Yes, I did. I'm full.
I just can't eat.

Full on three green
beans and a baby carrot?

Sweetie, the
parsley was the garnish,

not the whole meal.

Well, waste not want not.

School pictures are this week.

I want to look my best.

Sabrina, you already
do look your best!

You know how important it is
to eat a balanced diet.

Well, Sabrina, just promise us
you'll eat healthy from now on.

Deal?

Oh, don't worry...

Oh is that the time?

I'd love to stay
and talk about food,

but I gotta go!

Well I don't like it.

She's starving herself to
lose some imaginary weight.

I remember doing the same
thing when I was her age.

Not me.

I got sent to General
Cheesehead and he quickly

cured me of all
that nonsense.

You know, General Cheesehead...

might be just the thing.

I wonder if we could get
him to help Sabrina?

Mrs. Crudup, this is Sabrina.

Nice to meet you.

Kind of puny, isn't she?

Don't worry.

She'll make short work
of those pots and pans.

I suggest you use gloves.

Gloves? How about
a haz-mat suit?

Why am I so wiped?

I'm usually not this tired...

Guess I'm usually
not this hungry.

I'm outta here.

Just pull the back
door shut when you go.

It's already locked.

Yes, Ms. Crudup.

See you tomorrow.

Like Ms. Magrooney said,
some things need a little

jump-start.

I'll just rest my
eyes for a few seconds.

Huh?

Ohmigosh!

Magic got me into this mess.

Let's see if it can
get me out of it!

"Scene of chaos, please erase;

pots return to their
proper place."

That's weird.

I just took a nap,
and I'm still tired.

Guess it really
is time for bed!

Why do mornings
show up so early?

Uh, missed that, Sabrina.

You had a bed in your mouth.

What's the matter, kiddo?

You feel bad?

No.

I feel fat!

You what -- whoa!

Good one, Sabrina.

You really got
me with that one.

As if you're fat, really!

No, I mean it.

Look at me!

I can't even fit into my
favorite jeans any more!

Um, Sabrina?

About those jeans...

What about 'em?

No, no Sabrina, listen to me.

I slept in 'em, washed 'em,
and then I shrunk 'em when I

dried them too fast.

Yuck!

Boy do I hate confessing!

Oh, Salem!

That is so sweet of you.

Making up that story
so I won't feel bad

about getting fat.

You really are a friend.

Yeah, a friend who
shrinks your clothes!

I thought people were supposed
to believe you when you told

the truth?

If I'm quiet, Aunt Hilda
and Aunt Zelda won't know I

skipped breakfast.

I have to work some more
in the cafeteria anyway.

Tell 'em that, okay?

Oh, I'll tell them, all right.

Hey, you want to have
lunch with me today?

My mom gave me
enough pizza for two!

No, thanks.

Food makes me sick.

Sabrina, turned down pizza?

I don't
believe it!

I don't get it.

My brain never bothers
me if I don't study.

But if I don't eat, my
stomach won't leave me alone!

Man, I'm exhausted.

I know I'm not supposed to
use magic but I don't have a

choice. "Pans and
scrubber know what to do;

Keep on washing
'til you're through."

Hey where am I?

Mmmmm...

Whipped cream!

It's so good!

And so full of calories, too!

I can't eat that!

Aahh!

Aaahh!

Aahh!

No, no!

I can't eat anything!

Aaaaahh!

Looks like a picnic
-- What's that sound?

Army ants?

Sabrina, you've
been avoiding us!

Well, yeah!

Food makes you fat!

That's a negative, soldier!

The right food
makes you healthy!

I've got school pictures!

I can't afford to eat!

You can't afford not to!

So this is how you
want to play it,

Huh?

You think food's
the enemy do ya?

You are the enemy!

Only if you treat
us that way, missy!

So you leave me no choice.

CHARGE!!!

No, no!

This can't be happening!

Oh, man!

I'm glad it was just a dream!

Gotta stay away from food!

Hey!

My wand!

(grunt) Aaahh!

Gotcha!

Ms. Magrooney is gonna
nail me so bad.

Oh, no!

Chaaaaaaarge!

Chaaaaarge!

Oh, no!

My wand's shorted out!

Whoooaaa!

Gotta find Ms. Magrooney!

Move it, troops!

We have to teach that kid
to eat and eat healthy!

Ms. Magrooney!

Help!

There's a food
fight in the cafeteria!

That's a job for
the janitor, Sabrina.

Not me.

No, ma'am, I mean
the food is fighting!

Like, grrrr!

And 'Oh, no!' And 'Run
for your lives!'

Run for your lives!

Oh, Sabrina...

Yes, ma'am.

You're gonna want to
see me after school.

Bingo.

If any one can
straighten our Sabrina,

General Cheesehead can.

I can't believe that
Sabrina thinks she fat!

It's so silly!

Huh?

General!

It's us, Hilda and Zelda!

Silence civilians!

I've got a corn cob, and
I'm not afraid to use it!

Looks like the General is a
few crackers short of a box!

I'm outta here!

Oooh, whole cream!

Well, I am a little parched.

Curse my refined palate.

I - I wanted to
look my best...

I'm so sorry.

Well, I'm afraid
sorry isn't gonna be enough.

You made food your enemy and
you need to change that and

fast!

Ms. Magrooney!

Darn thing's no
good until I clean it.

Sabrina, we have to
get to a washroom.

No, Ms. Magrooney.

I started this.

I need to finish it.

I'm going in.

Sabrina!

No!

Time for a little
attitude-about-food

adjustment!

Food is not your
enemy, Sabrina!

It's about eating
right and exercising.

Listen to us, sweetie!

Not eating at all is just as
unhealthy as eating too much!

It's about creating a balance!

Oh, just smack 'em with a
spatula and get me down from

here!

Stop!

You all were right
and I was wrong.

Food's not my enemy.

Please, can we be friends?

But of course dear.

Friends it is.

Eat a bit and
there will be peace.

All you were saying...

Is give peas a chance?

Hey Ms. Magrooney!

Everything
worked out just fine!

Everything??

Oh, I know I'm gonna have
to come up with a top notch

forgetfulness spell.

Yes.

And I'm gonna have to
spend extra hours in cafeteria

detention. I promise I will
definitely not use magic this

time.

Yes.

After.

"After" what?

After I have
breakfast, lunch, and dinner!

Don't binge sweetheart.

That's really bad!

Remember, with food,
just enough is just right.

Never fear, General
Cheesehead is here.

General Cheesehead says
you are what you eat.

So eat right and not too much!

Aye aye General!

I think I got it.

Thanks!