Sabrina's Secret Life (2003–2004): Season 1, Episode 13 - Matchmaker Sabrina - full transcript

♪Who's making
magic, making magic,
making magic♪

♪Who's making
magic, making magic,
making magic♪

♪What's going on here,
something's not right♪

♪Who's making magic now every
night♪

♪Witch Training lessons
till the mornin' light♪

♪Living Sabrina's Secret Life.

♪Who's making magic

♪Who's making magic

♪Who's making magic

♪Sabrina's Secret Life!

♪Witch training lessons now
every night♪



♪Sabrina's Secret Life!

But, soft!

What light through
yonder window breaks?

It is the east, and
Juliet is the sun.

Arise, fair sun, and, um,
uh, kill the envious moon!

Who is already sick
and pale with grief.

That though maid
art --

Aaaahhh!

That thou maid--

Uh, right, Ms. Magrooney.

That thou maid art far
more fair than she.

I know I'm special.

The question is: what
did the guy bring me.

You tell him, girlfriend.



No ice, no dice.

Cassandra!

Whatever, Oh Romeo, Romeo!

Wherefore art thou Romeo?

Why does Cassandra get to say
all those things to Harvey?

Sabrina, it's just a play.

And why is Ms. Magrooney
making such a big deal

about it?

That which we call a rose,
by any other name would

smell as sweet.

Maybe Ms. MaGrooney wishes
someone was in love with her.

Maybe no one ever has been.

That's terrible!

Someone should do
something about it.

I don't know, Sabrina.

I was always told not to
meddle in other people's

personal lives.

You're right, Then again, if
Ms. Magrooney had a personal

life, I wouldn't
need to meddle,

but since she doesn't...

and remember, when casting a
spell -- always be sure to

put your heart into it.

Like Romeo, I mean
Harvey, does with me.

Hey!

That was
supposed to annoy you.

Sabrina?!

Uh, right! Love spells.

I mean, I love casting spells!

I'm glad to hear it, Sabrina.

But remember, we don't cast
spells just for the fun of it.

With great power comes
great responsibility.

I got that off a movie poster.

Whenever you can, you must use
your witchly powers to help

others.

To help others...

What's with you?! How am I
supposed to enjoy spell class

if I can't tease you
and make you mad?

Ugh!

But how can I
help Ms. Magrooney?

Where can I find someone I can
make fall in love with her?

Mr. Wiederspahn, the gardener?

Ugh! No way!

Maybe coach London?

There's got to be
someone for her.

Mr. Snipe!

He's perfect!

He's a teacher, just
like Ms. Magrooney,

and he's the only
human-sized warlock in town.

But creating love is tough!

I'll need help with my spell.

Salem: No, no,
no, no, no, and no!

Never mix love and magic,
something always goes wrong.

Come on, Salem.

You always say you'll be
there for me when I need you.

I'm here for you, 'Brina,
by keeping you out of some

serious trouble.

You won't help me?

Fine.

I'll just have to enjoy
this scrumptious

fish all by
myself.

Hey! That wouldn't
perchance be pickerel?

It would.

And if you- Aahh!

You were saying?

I was saying that it's
going to take me a long

time to come up with a love
spell if I don't have any help.

And since you took the fish,

Yes, but I didn't
take the bait.

The answer is still no.

Fine.

I'll just do it myself.

Even though my
friend said he'd help me,

And even though
it's dangerous,

No way.

Wild horses
couldn't make me do it,

Coast is clear!

I never knew there were
so many spells to learn!

Give yourself a
thousand years,

you'll run
through most of them.

Oh!

Zombification For
Fun and Profit,

Hmm.

No love spells there.

I wonder how we can
narrow down our search?

Now, what would a love
spell book look like?

Kids today, No imagination.

Whoooaa!

Salem! You found it!

Once I've cast the spell, Mr.
Snipe is gonna fall hard for

Ms. Magroony.

Speaking of falling hard, Any
idea where I can get a good

deal on an orthopedic tail?

Infatuation,
Schoolgirl crushes,

Goo goo eyes, It's all here!

And maybe it
should stay there.

That's strong magic.

If anything goes wrong, I
can't promise we'll be able to

fix it.

C'mon, Salem,
What could go wrong?

Here goes nothing, Affection
builds and passion stirs,

Make his heart forever hers!

Hmmm.

Maritza!

Yeah?

Do you notice anything
different about Mr. Snipe?

Mmmm.

Maybe a few more nose hairs.

He really needs to tweeze.

No.

I mean, does he look
like a man who's in love?

No.

He looks like a
man who's reading.

All that work!

And I still don't have
anybody for Ms. Magrooney.

Okay, class -- In
Romeo and Juliet,

what does Shakespeare have
to tell us about the

nature of love?

Anyone?

Harvey.

Huh?

Uh, uh, gee, Ms. Magrooney.

You tell 'em, Romeo.

Hands off, Cassandra!

Well, um, it seems like
when people are in love,

a lot of 'em get killed.

Magrooney: While that may be
true Harvey, I

don't think that was the
writer's main point.

Ms. Magrooney?

You okay?

Uh, yes, Harvey.

Thank you for asking.

Huh?

It's gotta be from him!

What's going on?

It's amazing!

Students, I -

- shall be mine!

Mr. Snipe?!

It worked!

A heart, from my heart!

Aaaaaahhh!

Ahhh!

Mmmmm.

Aahhhhh!

Ms. Magrooney, is
this part of the lesson?

Yes!

It's all a
performance, for your benefit.

No door can keep me
from the one I adore!

Wow!

I never knew our teachers
were such good actors!

Especially Mr. Snipe.

Yeah.

I wonder what got
into them?

Aaahhhh!

Ahh!

Wait! Ms. Magrooney. Please!

Wait for your Snipey-poo!

What have I done?!

Good question.

Though I shudder
to hear the answer.

Salem!

Oh thank goodness you're here!

Cat bones! Fragile!

Sorry.

Aaaaaaaaa!

Do I sense an out-of-control
love spell in the air?

Um, maybe a small one.

Aaaaaaaaa!

Ahh!

Ahh!

How about a big kiss, my love?

Huh?

And who warned you not to
mess with people's love lives?

You did, Is there really
no way to fix the spell?

Now, I can't promise anything,
but there is one thing

we can try.

Anything! Please, please!

Uh, Salem?

Why are we moonwalking?

Walking backwards is the
only way to get anywhere

around here.

And where's here?

It is known as The Backwoods.

Part of the The Grey
Area of The Netherworld.

You have to do
everything backwards here.

Which shouldn't be too
big a problem for you.

It's the only sure place to
find a reversal spell strong

enough to reverse
your love spell.

Booming voice:
?you are Who

Didn't you phone ahead and
tell them we were coming?

Or would you have
had to phone behind?

Don't worry!

The guy's name is
The About Face.

I hear he's not so bad.

You hear?!

I thought this was
a buddy of yours!

Come on, just be your
usual charming self.

Thanks a lot!

?come you have Why

Well, you see --

Backwards!

Oh, Right.

Or should I say left?

Uh, .spell
reversal a need I

Hah!

?kind What

Would ya
mind hurrying up a bit?

I've heard some of these
beasts have a taste for tabby.

If you think this
backward talking is so easy,

you try it!

spell love a for reversal A

!problem No .request
one number my It's

Huh?

Outta here, get I wanna!

Why don't they come?!

Maybe they didn't
get your notes.

Bingo!

Sabrina?

Sabrina?

Show time!

Mr. Snipe?

Ahhh!

My sweet sugar plum!

Wait! Stop!

Sabrina?

What does this note mean?

Yes, Sabrina.

You wrote that you had
something to confess?

Uh, the notes.

Well, see, there
was uh, this spell,

and, well, I, not
meaning any harm,

mind you - Ouch!

Right, okay.

it reverse shall I
spell this with,

created had I love
Whatever

Sabrina?

Wha- Whooooaaaa!

Whoooaa!

Mr. Snipe?

Are you okay?

Yes, Was I acting oddly?

Why are my pockets
full of flowers?

It worked!

I did it! I did it!

Yoo hoo!

Pretty boy!

Huh?

Whoo!

Aahhhh!

Oh no!

The reversal spell hasn't put
things back to the way they

were before, it's reversed
who's in love with who!

Whom.

I can't wait to give
you a big bear hug!

What do we do now?!

Now who can tell me what force
makes two celestial bodies

attract?

Well, anyone?

Ahhh haa haa!

Well, if the
celestial guy is a hunk,

it's a start.

Flying heart cakes
are so romantic.

Is that a planetary thing?

Oh Sniiii-peeeee!

You fine thing.

I'll be right back.

Oh boy.

Salem, help!

You can listen to me when I
tell you not to mess with love

spells.

I baked you a
little something,

snookums!

Ms. Magrooney!

Please!

Oh!

Looks like someone
is, sweet on Mr. Snipe.

Ms. Magrooney, PLEASE!

How do I FIX this?

You have to ask for help.

Ask who?

Hilda and Zelda aren't home.

Ahh hah!

I can't ask Ms. Magrooney,
because she's crazy in love.

Ahhh!

Aaahhhhhhhhh!

I can't ask Mr. Snipe -
it's just too humiliating.

Well, nine out of ten warlocks
agree- when things get too

hairy, there's only one place
to go: Enchantra's castle.

Enchantra's castle?

Are you sure I need to go
see the Queen of all Witches?

Of course not!

I just came all this
way for the exercise.

Maybe she's not at home?

Then again...

You have something to
tell me, Sabrina?

Uh, nothing really
important, Enchantra.

Then why waste my time?!

I'm 3000 years old and
not getting any younger.

Way to suck up
to the queen bee.

Better give her a
compliment, quick.

Right!

Um, you don't look a
day over two thousand.

What I meant was...

What you meant was
that you have been

casting love spells, and people
are being hurt by them.

She knew!

Of course she knew!

She's the Queen of
All the Witches.

Yes, Sabrina.

I was sorry to discover that a
student witch has been playing

with the hearts of others.

I've had witches stripped
of their powers for less!

Please remind me whose
idea was it to come here?

However, you seem to have
learned the error of your ways.

Absolutely!

And since you have shown
courage by coming to me and

trying to make things
right, I offer a simple,

but not an easy, solution.

Sabrina, you must go, alone,
to the one you first wronged.

Mr. Snipe!

Oh, no.

Oh yes. And you must admit
to him what you've done,

and ask his
forgiveness and help.

If you can secure his
forgiveness and help,

the toughest
spell can be broken.

Live with it, babe.

Whew!

Sabrina: Mr. Snipe?

Go away I'm not here!

Oh, it's you, Sabrina.

Sorry.

I thought you
were someone else.

Uh, Mr. Snipe, There's
something I have to tell you.

Yes.

All of this weird love
stuff with Ms. Magrooney,

Well, it's my fault.

What?

Well, Juliet has
Romeo, and I have Harvey,

and, well, it looked like Ms.
Magrooney didn't have anybody.

So you cast a love spell.

I didn't mean to cause
anybody any trouble.

But it got a
little out of control.

You can't play with
people's emotions,

Sabrina.

It's not right,
or fair to them,

and someone usually gets hurt.

I know that now.

But I know you were
just trying to help.

No hard feelings.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Snipe.

It'll never happen again!

But what about Ms. Magrooney?!

I have an idea. First I'll
need to know that love spell

you used.

Ready?

Ready!

Ms. Magrooney!

I'm here, and I'm yours!

Affection wanes
and passion quiets,

from this spell,
her heart untie it.

I hope it worked!

What am I doing here?

Snipe, how did all
this clutter get in here?

You better get it
cleaned up and fast!

Thanks Mr. Snipe!

How can I ever repay you
for being so understanding?

You can start by
cleaning up this classroom.

I guess that's only fair.

Fair isn't the half of it.

Hey Sabrina, get me outta here?

Are you still here? Sabrina?