Sabrina, the Teenage Witch (1996–2003): Season 7, Episode 21 - What a Witch Wants - full transcript

Okay, bikini, sunscreen, sandals...

What am I forgetting?

A trusted loyal cat.

Right. Let me know if you find one.

Salem, I told you,
this is my bachelorette cruise.

It's for girls only.
Although I have seen you throw a ball.

Fine. I'll stay home.

All alone.

Oh, no, you won't be alone.
Aaron's gonna watch you.

What? I'm a grown man.

I don't need a babysitter.



Yeah, right.

The last time I left you by yourself,

you had enough women through here
to start a sorority.

I told you, they were only here
for choir practice.

I swear, I have no plans whatsoever.

Well, maybe we can confirm that
with a CAT scan.

Okay, who wants to play
Spin The Milk Bottle, hmm?

Kiss me.

Let me guess.
They're a part of your Bible study?

- Um...
- Have fun with Aaron.

Here, Aaron.
It's probably best just to keep moving.

Yeah, just point me towards the car.

Okay.

- Wow, handsome and useful.
- Photo op.



This is gonna be the last time
that we are coming down these stairs

as three single women.

She's right. This is it.

It's our last hurrah.

Guys, I'm just getting married.
It doesn't mean we can't hurrah.

We can hurrah, we can hurray,
we can even woo-hoo.

Well, at least in most states.

Oh, all I know is
there's no one I'd rather spend

these last few days with
than you guys.

Oh, that is so sweet.

What if that's the last sweet thing
you ever say...

Just go.

Yeah, I think there's still some room
in the glove compartment.

Well, I'm gonna miss you.

I can't wait for you to get back.

- You are coming back, aren't you?
- Of course I am.

The deposit on the church
is non-refundable.

- Ah, pretty and practical.
- Mm-hm.

Thanks for being so understanding.

It's important for me to have
some quality time with my friends.

Last time the ship went out,
everybody got food poisoning,

so we got a great deal.

Well, have fun. And don't worry.

I'm gonna take great care of Sally.

Uh, his name is Salem.

Yeah, like he knows the difference.

Uh, you'd be surprised.

Bye.

- Sabrina, let's go.
- Come on, the hurrah clock is ticking.

Okay, I'm ready.
Anchors aweigh, girls.

It's time to set sail
on the good ship Lollipop.

Well, there goes Pops.

I wonder which one
of these ladies is, uh, Lolly.

Well,
I guess you got your something old.

And that hair
is definitely something blue.

And they're living on borrowed time,
so...

Shh, they'll hear you. Or not.

- How did this happen?
- I'm sorry.

I thought this cruise
was gonna be real hip,

but I don't think
there's a real hip on this ship.

But look,
we can still have a good time together.

We'll definitely win
the limbo contest.

Yeah, unless that guy
on the gurney enters.

Let's just figure out
where our cabin is.

I guess this should
have been a tip-off:

"Every room equipped
with blow dryer and defibrillator. "

Ladies.

- Enjoy your cruise, Sabrina.
- Thanks.

Wait. How did you know my name?

Ha, ha. It's my job,

and I hope your bachelorette cruise
is everything you wish for.

Do you tip somebody
for creeping you out?

After the war,
brutal dictator Benito Mussolini

finally met a violent end
at the hands of an assassin.

Oh, good old II Duce.

He put the fashion in fascist.

What the?

Hey, paws off the remote.

And kitty off the couch.

Brain the size of a marble.

Listen, pretty boy.

You do not wanna get
into a spray war with me.

Nice music, huh?

Makes you wanna get out
on that dance floor

and shake your walker.

You're missing a photo op.

This may be the last time
we look this hot and feel this bored.

Come on, guys,
what's wrong with us?

We're on a beautiful ship,
we're all together,

and we've all got our original teeth.

Can you say
you're having a fun time?

Yeah, totally. Woo-hoo!

Okay, yeah, I wish it was more fun.

Hello. Enter fun at 2 o'clock.

- Ahoy, mates.
- Up periscope.

Hey. There they are.

Good day, ladies.

Hope you don't mind us
crashing your party,

but the purser said there were
three good-looking sheilas aboard.

Well, thank you. Ha, ha.
Who are the other two?

Oh. Oh, well, I'm Morgan.

And this is Roxie,
and she's getting married.

Also known as Sabrina.

So, uh, where have you guys
been hiding?

It's like you came out of nowhere.

Not nowhere, Australia.

We're headed to Bermuda
for a football match.

Soccer to you Yanks.

Well, soccer to you too.

We were hoping to do
some dancing,

but crikey, the tunes they're playing
are enough to put a wallaby to sleep.

Yeah, I was thinking the same thing.
Well, without the wallaby.

I wish they'd do something
about the music here.

Wow, Sabrina, I don't know
what you're doing, but keep it up.

Well, let's hit the dance floor, ladies.

- Right.
- Uh, I'll catch up with you guys.

I have to tape my ankle
and figure out what's going on here.

Let's see, I wished for fun,
I wished for music.

Okay, I wish I had a papaya.

Papaya?

- I meant, sliced papaya.
- As you wish.

Hey, wait a minute.
Where are you going?

Who are you? And how do you get
your whites so white?

Hello?

Strange smiley man.
Where are you?

Okay, quick pop home
for a little magic book consultation.

Oh, man!
When other people go on vacation,

they just lose their traveler's checks.

Hello? Oh, hey, honey.

Don't tell me you miss me already.

Oh, yeah, I miss you terribly.
Listen, can I talk to Salem?

Excuse me?

He just gets upset
if he doesn't hear my voice every day.

- But...
- This call is costing me $5 a minute.

- Can you just put him on?
- Fine.

It's for you.

Meow?

Listen, have you ever heard of wishes
spontaneously coming true?

Meow one for yes, twice for no.

Not necessary.

Lover boy's busy
paying for my pizza.

Spontaneous wishes
coming true, huh?

Plus my magic isn't working.

I knew
I shouldn't have changed providers.

Hmm, wish fulfillment.
Magic's not working.

Never heard of such a thing.

Unless of course, you happen to be
in the Bermuda Triangle.

Like I would be if I were
on a three-day cruise to Bermuda?

And your problem with this is?

My problem with this is that
I've lost my magic,

but all my wishes are coming true.

Oh, I guess I don't have a problem.

Uh, woof, woof.

I mean, meow, meow.

Hello? Sabrina?

When we get to L.A.,
we are so getting a dog.

Huh?

Well, as long as wishes
are coming true,

I wish there was a full moon.

Not bad.

I wonder why the Triangle
gets such a bad rap.

There you are.

The guys are about to teach us
how to wrestle crocs.

I don't know what that means,
but I'm in. Come on.

And I said,
"That's not a kiwi, that's an emu. "

- Any idea what an emu is?
- None, whatsoever.

I'm sorry, you've completely eaten us
out of popcorn shrimp.

There's not one left on the ship.

I wish we had more popcorn shrimp.

Anyone want some
popcorn shrimp?

Ha-ha-ha.
- Okay, now I really should tip.

Oh, the guys are playing
in Boston next month.

We have to get three tickets...

Oh, wait, we only need two tickets.
Sabrina's not gonna be here.

If they're coming out next month,
they can come with us to the Cape.

- The Cape?
- Yeah, we got a timeshare.

Really? You guys never mentioned
anything about a timeshare.

You were wrapped up in your wedding
plans. It didn't seem important.

Besides, you're moving to L.A.
We didn't think you'd care.

Yeah, I guess I don't.

So Hyannis Port or Chatham?

Oh, it's okay. Doesn't matter.

Either way, I'm sure you guys
will have a great time.

Okay, ladies, less squawking,
more walking, to the dance floor.

Hey, matey,
you got a couple of more tunes in you?

I can be talked into it.

Just as long
as you don't call me Matey.

Fair deuce.

All right, I've had it with you,
you mangy furball.

That's it.

There we go.

Ha.

Okay, maybe I didn't think this
all the way through.

Sabrina, are you okay?

Yeah, you know,
between the shrimp and the accents,

I'm just a little down under.

- Really, I'm fine.
- Oh, good.

No, something's wrong. What is it?

Well...

You know how we were joking around
about this being our last hurrah?

Well, then I realized, yeah, it is.

When we get off this ship,
everything is gonna be different.

You said that just because
you're getting married,

it doesn't mean
anything's gonna change.

But how can it not? I'm moving
to the other side of the country.

And you guys will be back in Boston,
living your lives, dating soccer teams.

Oh, you think so?
Because they are so cute.

But this is really sad.

In fact, let's take a picture.

Last time
we're all really sad together.

Can you dispose of that disposable?

Sabrina, everything's gonna be fine.

Yeah,
but how can you know for sure?

I mean, I just wish I knew
if our friendship was gonna survive.

Iceberg!

- What? I didn't mean to wish that.
- Hurry. Follow me to the lifeboat.

Oh, my God. We're gonna die.

Not what I meant when I said "wish. "

Come back.

Come back.

They're not coming back.

I can't believe we're the only idiots
that got into a lifeboat.

I can't believe the iceberg
didn't even hurt the ship.

Or that there was an iceberg
in tropical waters.

How did this happen?

You ever hear the expression,
"Careful what you wish for?"

I wish we were at home.

I wish the ship would turn around.

I wish my wishes were still working.

Sounds like someone's two seconds
away from talking to a volleyball.

I wish I had a volleyball.

Oh, why isn't this working?

Uh, no magic lamp. No lucky penny.

No sugar daddy. You do the math.

Well, as long as we're gonna die,
you might as well take a picture.

No, no one's dying. Okay?

We just lived through an iceberg,
a night in a lifeboat,

and some very questionable
popcorn shrimp.

Don't you get it? We survived.

I just have a feeling
that any moment now,

we're gonna get off this island.

Hey, look, there's a plane.
I didn't even have to wish for it.

Over here! Over here!

He seems to be going over there,
over there.

Don't worry. We'll be fine.

Wow, look at that.

You don't see a lot of mountains
that spit out smoke and lava.

Unless it's an active volcano.

Well, it's official.

- We're gonna die.
- No, no one's dying.

At least not one of us.

Look, I'm gonna go get some answers
and some firewood.

Good luck.

Yeah, like firewood grows on trees.

You. Hey,
I know you're behind all this craziness.

No sane person
would wear those shorts.

Look, I want off this island,
and I want off it now.

Hi, Bob Bermuda.

Welcome to my Triangle.

Your Triangle?

Yeah, it's a family business left to me
by my father

who mysteriously disappeared.

Occupational hazard. Ha-ha-ha.

So is being beaten senseless
with a coconut.

Look, I know I wished to know
if our friendship would survive.

Well, guess what. It did.

- Game over, send us home.
- You call that surviving?

You practically fell into a lifeboat,

washed up on a deserted island
without even having to lift a paddle.

You haven't even eaten a rat yet.

No, but I can smell one.

And what about this wish thing?

I mean, uh, how come my wishes
stopped working?

One wish at a time.
You're still working on the last one.

Well, now there's something
you don't see every day.

A tidal wave.

Excuse me.
I forgot to shut my windows.

Whoa. Tidal wave?
What are we supposed to do?

Oh, I'm sorry.

- Here.
- Thanks.

He is so...

Yeah, tidal wave.

Aah, almost there. Ha, ha.

No.

I can't believe that she's giving you
the leftover chicken salad.

Whoa.

Don't wanna lose this, do we, kitty?

This means war!

And I thought seaweed wraps
were supposed to be relaxing.

And, Morgan, where'd you learn
to scale a palm tree like that?

Do you have any idea what a 20-foot
wall of water would do to my hair?

Yeah, kind of.

Iceberg. Weird.

Lost at sea? Scary.

But the tidal wave? This is officially
the worst bachelorette party ever.

Guys,
I think we've got bigger problems.

I'm guessing those storm clouds
on the horizon

aren't gonna be
a refreshing tropical rain.

- So now you're a weather girl?
- We prefer meteorologist.

I'm just saying we need
to find a shelter

and we need to find one now.

I'm saying I've gotta get something
to eat before I starve to death.

Morgan,
give me your shoe to crack this.

Oh, at $500 a pair, I don't think so.

Guys, focus.
Hurricane on the horizon.

- Give me your freaking shoe.
- No.

Where does it stop?

You trash my stilettos,

next thing we know we are smearing
pig's blood all over our faces.

And suddenly, it's like something
out of Lord of the Dance.

- Don't.
- Guys.

Can we please
channel all this negative energy

into building a storm shelter?

Well, I guess I missed it when you
claimed this beach for Sabrinia.

Oh, shelter's a number one priority.
Why don't we just dig our own grave?

Look, Ms. Doom and Gloom,

lose the attitude
and make yourself useful.

It would be nice if just once,
you didn't try to run everything.

And it would be nice
if just once I didn't have to.

Now I'm trying to save your lives.

Maybe you could do
your whole save-the-day act

before the elements
completely destroy my skin.

This just in, Morgan.
Nobody cares about your skin.

And nobody cares what you think.

Oh, wait, let's take a picture.

This will be the last photo
I can cut you two out of.

I can't believe I was upset
about moving away from you.

Suddenly, 3,000 miles isn't enough.

Well, don't let the palm frond
hit you on your way out.

Oh, so it's true.
If you want something done right,

I have to show everyone else
how to do it.

Well, I don't need you to show me
how to do anything.

My shoe. My coconut.

Fine, go ahead.
I'll build the shelter by myself.

While you two are being blown
over the rainbow,

give my regards to Glinda.

I still have to thank her
for that shower gift.

Okay, Bob, point made.
My friendship won't survive.

Thanks for the heads up.
Kind of like to go home now.

Bob? Mr. Bermuda?

It's like I'm shouting in the wind here.
And spitting.

And running.

Oh, my God. Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, Sabrina is going to kill me.

Come on, kitty. Come on.

No, no, no. No, no, no.

Kitty? Kitty?

- Okay, what do I do? What do I do?
- Ha, ha.

Uh, I bury it.

Uh, garbage bags.

Freezer. What a...

Oh, I am so gonna kill that cat.

Out of my way. This is my lifeboat.

No, yours would be called
the get-a-life boat.

Hey, besides, I saw it first.

The reason I'm in this mess
is because of you.

The least you can do is let me live.

Oh, thank you.

Hey!

Well, it's all yours.

Once again,
thank you, Sabrina Spellman.

At the risk of sounding bossy,

help me move these trees
and cover them with branches.

- Now.
- Not there, the ground's too low.

Over there,
we can use the rock as a foundation.

But we don't have anything to tie
the branches together with.

Waxed or mint?

Come on, girls.
Puts your backs into it.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Well, I'll just go around back.

Oh, no.

It's a little early for a full moon.

It's over. The storm's over.

The coast is clear.

Suddenly that expression
makes sense.

I can't believe it. We're not dead.

Oh, thank God I made it.

Oh, and you guys did too.

Yay, we survived.

You know, if we were talking,

I'd thank you, Roxie, for pointing out
where to build the shelter.

The place I wanted to build it is
under 6 feet of debris.

You're welcome.
And if I were talking to you,

I guess I'd say if it weren't for you
bossing us around...

I mean, taking charge.
- We'd be a seagull buffet.

And, Morgan,

if it wasn't for your bottomless
supply of beauty products,

we probably wouldn't have made it.

Yeah, that eyebrow wax
really slowed up that leak.

By the way, that stuff's not cheap.

You know what I just realized?
We have nothing to worry about.

Our friendship is gonna survive,
as long as we all make the effort.

Well, yeah.

You're the only one
who ever doubted it.

And speaking of making the effort...

Sabrina, I've been saying this along.
We'll be friends for life.

Okay, now wait.
We're three smart girls.

We should be able to find our way
off a deserted island.

Heads up. Hey, there you are.

We wondered
what happened to you.

- What are you guys doing here?
- What?

We told you
we've got a tournament here.

- This is Bermuda?
- Yeah.

Well, come on, then.
The team's partying down the beach.

You are not gonna believe this.
We thought...

Uh, uh, uh.

- Three smart girls, remember?
- Oh, right, right.

You're not gonna believe this.

- We thought...
- Let's just go.

Nothing like a category four hurricane
to really clear the air.

Okay, I don't agree with the method,
but the message isn't bad.

Learn a little something, did we?

Yeah, the next time I'm stranded,

I'll walk more than 50 feet
down the beach.

I wish just once
someone would say thank you.

Oh, thank you.

Morgan, wait.
Do you still have your camera?

- Only one picture left.
- Heads up.

Three friends
who can survive anything.

Oh, I've never been so happy
to be home from a vacation

in my entire life.

Yeah, don't get too comfortable.
We are in full wedding mode.

I'm getting married
in less than 24 hours.

Move it, ladies! Is that too bossy?

Not for marriage.

Aaron?

Sabrina, it's Aaron.

I need you to pick me up
at the police station.

And bring me some clothes.
Long story.

Locked out without his clothes,
huh?

Brain the size of a marble.

When we get to L.A.,
we are so getting a dog.

Guh?

Okay, bride-to-be. Up and at them.

Hey, wake up.

Don't make me put your hand
in warm water again.

Morning.

Well, I guess your breath explains
my trapped in the tuna boat dream.

Well, can you believe it?

I'm actually getting married today.
Woo-hoo!

So how do you feel?

Nervous, frightened,
scared, tense, petrified?

Excited, happy, joyful.

I'm getting married.
How do you think I feel?

Nervous, frightened, scared.

I just wanna make sure
you're not getting cold feet.

Salem, I do not have cold feet.

See?

They're not cold.

They're frozen solid.

Don't care what your invoice says, no
one is getting married in this kitchen.

Yes, for the 10,000th time,
I am positive.

- Get off the parkway and take a right.
- Left.

Get off the parkway and take a left.

It's just down the street.
Church, steeple.

You'll open the door
and see all the people. Go.

What's going on?
Why aren't the flowers at the church?

Why aren't you guys ready?

"Is there anything I can do?" I ask.

"Oh, no, Mother, just stay out of it,"
he says.

- Well, if you ask me...
- Mother, just stay out of it.

Aaron, don't worry,
we've got it all under control.

Under control?

I still have to do my hair and my nails,
and my makeup has to be perfect.

Some of us don't have the option
of wearing a veil.

Oh, my God.
I still have to steam Sabrina's veil.

Something tells me
I'm not getting breakfast.

From this kitchen? Ha, ha.
Count your blessings.

Okay, okay, please, please just tell me
that Sabrina is a little further along.

Yes. Morgan got her up hours ago.

I didn't get her up.
You were supposed to get her up.

Will you excuse us
for just one second?

Oh, uh, his name is Al.

He's got 300 pounds of shrimp
in his trunk,

and he doesn't know where to put it.

Give the phone to your mother.
She'll tell him where to put it.

Hurry up.

Hey, I told you not to lick it.

- Aah.
- There. Oh.

Sure I'll get the feeling back
before I walk down the aisle.

Sabrina, aren't your worried?

This obviously happened
for a reason.

The only reason it happened
is because I'm a witch.

Which just means that magic
is always messing up my life.

Sabrina, wake up.

Oh, good, you're up.
I'm off the hook.

You've got to hurry and...
What's going on?

Oh, uh, well, it just occurred to me

that I might not have ordered
enough crushed ice for the reception.

Well, it's showtime
and I am not gonna have you

screwing up my big day.

Your big day. I mean...

She means everything's under control.
You've gotta get dressed.

Oh, and don't forget your something
old, new, borrowed and blue.

Got it, except for the something old,

and the something new,
and the something borrowed.

And my toes are kind of blue.

My God, what am I gonna do?

- We'll take care of it.
- Oh, why not?

We're apparently
taking care of everything else.

Thanks. I really appreciate it.

Sabrina, are you okay?

It's not like you
to not be on top of everything.

The flowers, the caterer.
And you're an hour behind schedule.

Which is why I can't be standing here
having this conversation. I'm fine.

I just need a few minutes
to collect my thoughts.

Okay, thoughts collected.
And thoughts lost.

Hi. Oh, congratulations, Sabrina.
I am so happy for you.

Thanks, I'm kind of in a panic here

so I don't have time
for your teen 'tude right now.

- What's up with her?
- She's having second thoughts.

- Ha, ha. Oh.
- Mm-hm.

No. No "ha, ha. " No "mm-hm. "

And no second thoughts.

Maybe I'm having some regrets,

but that's only because
many people I love can't be here.

I mean, my mom's in Peru.
You never know about my dad.

I have no idea why my aunts
haven't RSVP'd.

- Is Harvey coming?
- No, Harvey's not coming.

- Well, don't you want him there?
- I don't know.

Yes, I would love to have Harvey there.
But he just can't be.

You're too young to understand.

Sabrina, could you
come down here? Quickly.

So the bride isn't the only one
whose voice is tinged with terror.

See, that's your problem.

You can't tell the difference
between terror and pure joy.

Sabrina!
- I'm coming!

Uh, don't touch the Ilama. It's a gift.

I suggest patio furniture.
But no, that's too out there.

- Aunt Hilda?
- Hi, honey.

- Oh, you came.
- Of course.

And you brought me a Ilama.

- I hope you don't already have one.
- Ha, ha.

- Sabrina, honey, what's going on?
- Oh, Aaron, this is my Aunt Hilda.

Aunt Hilda, my Aaron.
Isn't he great?

- Isn't she great?
- Yeah, she's great.

Did we register for pack animals?

Hey, cut me some slack. There's not
a lot you can pick up in Peru.

It was either this, or dysentery.

You were in Peru?
Did you see my mom?

- Yes, and you cannot believe...
- Uh, let's talk in the kitchen.

Okay.

Uh, I swear,
I'll be ready in two minutes.

Uh, chat with my cousin Amanda.

She's surly, yet charming.

- Say something surly for the Jacobs.
- Hi.

Oh, look at you. Ha, ha.

It's so hard to find bridesmaid's dress
that looks good on everyone.

Hey, I have melted people
for less than that.

Okay, no pointing at the in-laws.
At least not until after the wedding.

So you saw my mom?
What did she say? How'd she look?

Why don't you ask her yourself?

- Mom!
- Sweetheart, I'm so happy for you.

Can't believe you're here.
And you're not a ball of wax.

You can thank Hilda and Zelda.

They took me in the Witches' Council
and pleaded my case.

Every mother should be
at her daughter's wedding.

Preferably not as something
you can stick a wick in.

Thank you so much.

But where's Aunt Zelda?

Well, you know the Witches' Council.
There's always a trade off.

- Aunt Zelda?
Yep.

Well, they asked for a volunteer,
so I volunteered her.

Don't worry.
Just till after the wedding.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

This is the greatest gift. I'm suddenly
feeling a thousand percent better.

Can you believe it?
All the Spellman women together again.

And most of us in human form.

Wait. Where's Amanda?

- Hi, Harvey.
- Aah!

- Surprised to see me?
- Not at all.

I wanted to test my new engine
by ramming it into a tree.

What are you doing here?

I wanna bring you
to Sabrina's wedding.

Apparently,
she loves getting people as gifts.

I'm sorry, but there is no way
I am going to that wedding.

Gift wrapped or otherwise.

But I know Sabrina wants you there.

She does?

That's too bad.
It's not gonna happen.

- Why not?
- You're too young to understand.

Oh, I really wish people
would quit saying that.

I wonder if it's too late
to go halfsies on that Ilama.

Amanda, wait.

The nearest phone
is a 15-mile walk.

Oh, heh. Sorry.

What is this?
Fun with mortals week?

Ha, ha.
Yeah, like mortals are ever fun.

Sabrina, I know the number one rule
about being a maid of honor

is, "don't upstage the bride,"
but if you're gonna make it so easy...

Don't worry, two minutes,
I'll be absolutely dazzling.

Wear this. It's old, it's blue
and I borrowed it from you.

Oh, and that stain, it's new.

Thanks, but I kind of already have
an outfit picked out.

Sabrina, come on.
What are you doing?

I know, I know, two minutes.
I swear.

Two minutes ago is when we
supposed to have left for the church.

But I'm glad you're in a better mood.

I am. My family's all here
and all is right with the world.

I'm glad. I don't want you going
into this with any doubts.

Doubts? I was never doubting.

If that's true,
I'm definitely in the wrong place.

- Do I know you?
- I doubt it.

I'm Doubt.

Apparently, there's some serious
doubting going on around here.

No. No Doubt.

Although their last CD
was one of my favorites.

Look, for the last time,
I'm not doubting anything.

The man I love is downstairs.

I've got hundreds of people
cooling their jets in pews across town.

And my mom just flew in from Peru.

I'm getting married.

I guess I went all the way
to the North Star for nothing.

Oh, it's so beautiful.

That's the essence of who Aaron is.

- This is Aaron's soul stone?
- Exactly.

Hey, for me, that was pretty definitive.
I think.

I'll tell you something definitive.

You're tap dancing
on my last good nerve.

Why are you giving me this?

That's what you're doubting, isn't it?

Whether or not you and Aaron
are soul mates?

No.

Well, maybe.

L...
Can you ever really know for sure?

Aah! Why are you doing this to me
on my wedding day?

Better than the day after.

If it's truly meant to be, your pieces
should fit together perfectly.

If you wanna be certain,

the answer is waiting for you
at the North Star.

But I am certain.

I love Aaron.

Well,
at least I'm pretty certain I'm certain.

Sabrina, what's the hold up?

Aaron and his parents
just left for the church.

I know, I know.
Two minutes, I swear.

I just have to point at my hair...
Do my hair, and I'll be right there.

I'm still working on
the something blue.

How do you feel about blue cheese?

Ooh, already wearing a wheel of Brie.

Oh, I don't have time for this
right now.

Okay, one ping and I'm all ready.

Okay, two pings.

One place in heaven is always true
Help me to know before I say I do

What about a blue...?

Sabrina?

Wow, so this is the North Star.

Welcome to the North Star system.

May I help you?

Oh, hi, I'm Sabrina Spellman,
and I'm getting married in like, now.

So I was wondering...

Exact nature of your problem,
please?

Oh, I am, uh, just looking
for my soul stone,

but I wouldn't mind taking a ride
on the soul train.

I mean, you know,
only if you're serving soul food.

Hello? Am I the sole person here?

You know,
everybody thinks you ran away.

What? No, no running,
just some popping.

- Look, tell everyone I'll be there in...
- I know, I know, two minutes.

- Is everything all right?
- Yes, everything's fine.

Just please go.

They fit, they fit!

Almost.

No.

What am I supposed to say?

I almost do?

Sabrina, are you in there? Open up.

Just a minute.
Just smoothing out some rough edges.

Almost. I mean, pretty close.

And like they say,
"Close only counts in horseshoes,

hand grenades, and soul mates. "

Salem, what am I gonna do?

Well, if your father was here, he'd say,
it's time to have "the talk. "

Sabrina, when a young woman...

There you are. We were so worried.

There were no cute guys here
until the best man showed up.

Can I ask you guys something?

I mean, you know I love Aaron,
right?

It's pretty obvious
we're meant to be together.

Yeah, you guys are great together.

Honey, are you okay?
Everyone's waiting out there.

Sabrina, what is your Uncle Mortimer
doing here?

You know I can't stand him.

Not to alarm you,
but everything is a total disaster.

The soloist hasn't arrived,

and the organist is drunk
behind the rectory.

Look, Sabrina doesn't need
to hear that right now.

You don't see me here
telling her that the ring bearer

is yakking all over the men's room.

- I kept that to myself.
- People, let's move it along.

The minister is about to go into
double-time, and I'm not paying.

Hey, can I just...?

Hello?

Okay, listen up.

Mrs. Spellman, go tell the minister
to preach patience.

Mom, Dad, please do
something about the music.

And, Hilda, just go feed your Ilama.

I would like to have a moment
with Sabrina.

Hey, you are not allowed
to be in here right now.

You can't see the bride
in her wedding dress.

But if I don't, I'm afraid
there may not be a wedding.

- So...
- Yes.

So...

What's going on?

Oh, you know, I'm just a little nervous
and a little anxious,

and, uh, I think I left the oven on.

I should go check on that.

Sabrina, look, I know
that you're scared and having doubts.

Believe me, I am too.

Yeah, but yours don't leave
peanut shells in your dust ruffle.

Do you think we're soul mates?

Soul mates?

Do you mean,
are we destined to be together?

Yeah, two halves of a whole.

Yin and yang. Ben and Jerry.

Sabrina, ha, ha,
life doesn't have any guarantees.

I mean, all we can do
is try to make each other happy.

There's one thing I don't doubt.

That I love you.

I love you too.

Well, sounds like a pretty good
foundation for something.

Yeah, it does, doesn't it?

So should we do this?

Absolutely.

Okay, and, um, when you see me?

Act surprised.

All right, let's rock 'n' roll, people.
We're having a wedding.

Salem, what do you think?

I think we still need to have
"the talk. "

Sabrina,
when a young woman enters...

Um, would you mind
if we gave Zelda the aisle?

Although at family gatherings

I don't want there to be anything
between me and the exit.

I'll let you know if you miss anything.

I love you truly

- ly

Ah, there it is.

I love you truly

Okay, one blue toenail.

Five dollars I borrowed
from the flower girl.

Calm down, you'll get it back.

New phone number from the best man.
And I'm gonna need that back.

And this bracelet that I grabbed
from your jewelry box,

which makes it old and stolen.

There,
and I think you're ready to go.

Oh, you look so beautiful.

Oh, thanks,
I wasn't sure about the color, but...

Oh, I can't believe this is it.

I love

- Wait, where's Amanda?
- Hey. Oh, sorry I'm late.

I had some business to take care of.

Don't worry.
You're too old to understand.

By your side to stand

Ah, love, 'tis something

Listen, don't get all weepy on me,
but I got you a little something.

Oh, that is so sweet.

Salem, cash?

Mm-hm.

Sixteenth birthday, 17th birthday...

Salem, you've been stealing
my birthday card money

all these years?

And I promised myself
I wasn't gonna cry.

Anybody looking for a father
of the bride?

Dad, I can't believe you made it.

I'm sorry I'm late, but there
was a little flying monkey uprising

and I had to pour some water on.

Well,
it sounds like you're right on time.

- Shall we?
- We shall.

Oh. Oh, my God.

Wait. Wait.

I can't wear this.
Get it off me, hurry.

Twelve thirty-six?

Oh, Harvey gave me that
seven years ago.

Twelve thirty-six
is the exact time that we met.

I told you to go
before the ceremony started.

Psst. Psst.

- What?
- What?

What?

Psst. Down here.
- Huh? Oh.

Hey, Sabrina. What are you doing?

What in the world?

Crisis. I really need
to talk to you guys back here.

I mean back there.
I'm kind of turned around...

Oh, I need to talk to you.

Let's go.

Let's go.

I'm gonna need you
to write down that number again.

I'll be right back. Try and stall.

Maybe no one will notice.

I'm sorry, honey.
I'm just not following.

The stones don't fit together.

That means our soul mates
are still out there.

- Doubt was in my room this morning.
- Doubt?

Oh, annoying little man.

But such a good dancer.

And even before today,
it's just been so hard.

I mean, the circus showed up,
there was no room for him in heart,

and he got turned into a gold fish.

Sounds like a normal courtship to me.

- Why is the universe so against me?
- Well, the answer to this is simple.

- No more.
- No more what, no more?

Magic. So two pieces of glowing coal
don't fit together. Who cares?

What matters is
what's in your heart.

No magic can tell you that.

Sabrina, your mother's right.

The universe isn't against
this wedding, you are.

You've gotta stop all the pointing
and incanting,

and listen to what your heart
is telling you.

- But...
- No buts.

Life doesn't have any guarantees.

All you can do
is try to make each other happy.

That's the same thing
that Aaron said.

Well, he sounds like
a very smart young man.

And, Sabrina,
no matter what you decide to do,

it's not the end of the world.

Believe me,
I've been to the end of the world.

This isn't it.

You two are the best.

All right, go tell everyone
I'll be there in two minutes.

And this time, I mean it.

Good times and bum times
I've seen it all and, my dear

I'm still here

Mother.

I've run the gamut A to Z

Three cheers
And damn it, c'est la vie

Mother!

So if there are no objections?

Curse the licoricey goodness
of good and plenty. No.

Sabrina, if you'd like to begin.

Okay.

I, Sabrina, take you, Aaron Jacobs...

Sorry. Uh, where was I?

Oh, um, I, Sabrina Spellman,
take you, Aaron Jacobs,

to be my partner in life.

My one true...

My one true...

- My...
- Sabrina?

Could we just have a minute?

I just wanna talk over
some, uh, little...

Okay. Do you mind?

So I'm sensing
a little hesitation on your part.

You are such a wonderful guy.

But...

We're not two halves of a whole.

Sabrina,

all I want is for you to be happy.

But if we're not soul mates,

maybe we shouldn't be doing this.

- Aaron, I am so sorry.
- No, don't be.

Never think that almost
is good enough for you.

Or for you.

Okay, well,
that about concludes today's festivities.

Although I have 300 pounds of shrimp
across town you're all welcome to.

So, um, thanks for coming.

Harvey?

I'm not really sure what this is,

but something tells me
I'll find the answer here.

And I think I just found mine.

- It's about time.
It's about time.

It's about time.

I just said that.

I guess that's the something old
she needed.

Would you look at that?

Twelve thirty-six on the dot.