Sabrina, the Teenage Witch (1996–2003): Season 7, Episode 17 - Romance Looming - full transcript

I don't wanna argue about this.

My environmental group
is meeting here today and that's final.

But we are still airing out the place
from last time.

News flash,
natural deodorant does not work.

Morgan, they're great people.

I mean, they're a little pasty,
a little furry,

a little gamey, but great people.

Well, I'm out of here.
Sabrina, do you wanna go to the mall?

Sorry, I'm already going shopping
with my boyfriend.

Wow, when a guy goes shopping,
it's definitely love.

I need some
of your long-lasting mascara.



Oh, you don't need that.
You look great without makeup.

Actually, I don't think you've ever
seen me without... Thank you.

Yeah.

Wrap it up.

Hey, guys.

Hey, I see
you're just browsing today.

- Whoa, you okay?
Heh.

Yeah, it's these new mules.

They're stylish
but not great for walking.

Then why'd you buy them?

Oh, you have so much
to learn about women.

We're a mystery.

Well,
I'm heading up to the fifth floor.

There's a buyer up there
that wants to look at my designs,



and I have a feeling that today
might be my lucky...

Morgan, watch out.

Did you just see that?

I almost died.

Thank God for that wind.

And for my little wind maker.

Wait, that didn't sound right.

And then, just as I was about
to plummet to my death,

this huge gust of wind
swept me right back up on my feet.

And Sabrina
was completely useless.

She just stood there pointing.

Hey, I'll have you know that...

If that ever happens again,
I promise I won't point.

You know, this whole near-death thing
has really gotten me thinking.

I don't wanna be remembered just
for my fashion sense and great hair.

I wanna be remembered
for being a do-gooder.

But one that looks pretty
and smells nice.

Morgan, that's fantastic.

And I'll support you
in anything you decide to do.

I'm coming
to your environmental meeting.

- Anything but that.
Rox, come on.

Morgan wants to get involved
with someone other than herself.

Okay, fine.
You can help me collate the handouts.

There you go, Morgan.

Collating handouts to save the trees,

which are then cut down
to make paper,

which are what the handouts
are made of.

There you go.

Great dirty denims,
if you're a sharecropper.

And where did you get
these earrings?

Because I am never shopping there.

Okay, who are you?
Why are you here?

And does Sister Mary Elizabeth
know you're skipping class?

Sabrina,
these girls aren't ditching PE.

- We're the Fates.
- The Fates?

You mean the three girls
who manipulate innocent people's lives

with cruel, random acts?

So you've heard of us, cool.
Heh, I'm Paris.

- Mackenzie.
- Ashley.

Uh, I'm hoping this is a social call,
and you're right,

I'm never wearing those jeans again.

- Am I?
- Ooh. Can I tell her why we're here?

Please?

Yeah, if I want it
to come out all wrong.

Mackenzie, go.

We weave a tapestry
of every person's life,

and when it's time
for that person to die,

we snip the thread.

Snip.

Today was Morgan Cavanaugh's time
to die.

But we didn't get to snip.

Do you know why?

Because of that freaky,
unexplained gust of wind?

I mean, lucky break, huh?

You owe us, big time.

- Huge time.
- Yeah, really big, huge time.

Sorry.

I had to save Morgan's life.

I had no choice.

Uh, we make the choices, not you.

I hope you're in the mood
for something horrific.

It's payback time.

But first, mall time.

Let's motor.

Left shoulder, Zeppo.

Well,
it's been nice knowing you, Sab.

Oh, come on, they're schoolgirls.

What are they gonna do, say I can't
have lunch at the cool table?

- Been there.
- Let me put it this way.

They gave Lincoln
his theater tickets.

What am I gonna do?
I can't take on the Fates.

You could do what I always do,

cull the weak one from the herd
and attack her from behind a big rock.

Salem, that's perfect.

Of course, whenever I do that,
I get the tar kicked out of me.

Okay, hold still, Ashley.

Oh.

Oh, bummer, I slipped.
Good luck with that.

You guys.

Excuse me, do you have anything
that will remove this?

Absolutely.

- Sabrina.
- Ashley.

Now isn't this a co-inky-dink?

There you go. All gone.

You know,
you have the most beautiful features.

- Heh, I do?
- Hello?

Look at your nose.

I mean, you could be a nose model.

You know, you could do commercials
for tissues and cold medicine.

- You name it.
- Nasal spray?

Absolutely. Now, hold still.

So how are you guys planning
on killing me?

I couldn't possibly tell you that.

Oh, you have
the most gorgeous lashes.

Okay, Paris wanted
some serious dismemberment,

and Mackenzie
was lobbying for leprosy,

but we settled on you tripping
over a rug this afternoon,

hitting your head on the banister
and going into a coma.

Wow, that's both horrific and boring.

Ashley, can we talk girl to goddess?

Look, I'm really sorry that I stepped in
and saved Morgan's life.

But she's one of my best friends.

You'd do the same thing for a friend,
right?

If I had any.

Well, you've got one now.

Unless I should bash my head
and then fall into a coma.

How much fun would I be then?

Well, I suppose
I could reweave your tapestry.

Hey, there's an idea.

But I'd have to ask Paris
and Mackenzie first.

No, no, uh,
they're not the boss of you.

I mean, don't you decide
your own fate? Ha-ha-ha. Get it?

Ha, ha. No.

But you still have to be punished
for that whole Morgan thing.

Right.

Well, how about if instead of the coma,
I stub my toe?

I mean, that hurts like the dickens.
I did just get a pedicure.

- I'll see what I can do.
- Ha-ha-ha.

Here, take some free blush.

Not that you need it.

Please let me stub my toe,
please let me stub my toe,

please let me stub toe.

No!

Oh. Ow, ow.

Yay! I'm alive. Ow.

Oh, thank you, Ashley.

Are you okay?

Yeah, honestly,
I've never been better.

Carry on saving the planet.

So as I was saying,
if we don't act soon,

these woods
will be turned into a parking lot.

Oh, well, can you tell them to make the
spaces wide enough to fit my Boxster?

I know it's little,
but I like to park diagonally.

It's prettier in profile.

Remember how I was so worried
about her embarrassing me?

Well, we rounded that corner about
40 minutes ago

when she served veal kabobs.

Oh, are there any left?
So I can throw them out.

Morgan is just new at this.

You have to help her out,
show her the ropes.

And someday,
I'm sure she'll make you proud.

Guess what, I just signed us up
for an all-night rave at Big Oak.

It's not a rave, it's a protest.

And Big Oak is not a club, it's a tree.

I'm not following.

You just volunteered us
to sleep in a tree.

See? Aren't you proud of her now?

Gotta go.

Oh, no, you're back.

I mean, welcome back.

There is a whole slew of fashion don'ts
in the other room

just waiting to be humiliated.

We are furious.

How dare you
take advantage of Ashley?

That is our job.

We are so getting you back.
And it is going to be gnarly.

And ugly.
- Yeah, really gnarly and ugly too.

Come on,
I'm in a really good place right now.

I'm not ready to be snipped,
gnarled, or coma'ed.

Please, please,
don't mess up my life.

Hey, how's the love of my life?

You, uh, ready to grab a bite?

No, not now.
Now is not a good time.

- So who is this?
- No one.

No one at all.
Just some wandering vagabond.

Take some bread and be gone.

"Love of my life," huh?

Uh, Sabrina, what's going on?

Local cheerleaders selling candy bars
which I promised to buy thousands of

if you'll just skip along
your merry way.

He is so cute.

Cute?

He is drop-dead gorgeous.

- Emphasis on the "drop dead. "
- No.

Hey, hey, Sabrina. Let the girl talk.

I guess we should be going.

Um, Sabrina,
you're a tough customer.

But we'll figure out a way
to get to you.

And I think we just did.

Snip, snip.

No! Anything but the snip.

I just like you with long hair.

And breathing.

Fate, fate, "Twist of... "

"Fickle Finger of... "

Oh, why isn't there anything
about stopping Fate?

Who knows
what they're gonna do to Aaron

unless I come up with something?

- Oh, boy.
- Here's something.

"To cheat death, the Fates
must be thwarted three times. "

- Thwarted? Who am I, Batman?
- Hmm.

Oh, thanks.

Don't eat that!

- Why not?
- Because it could kill you.

Like meat does
when it's improperly prepared

or laced with strychnine.

Oh, who puts Swiss cheese
on a burger?

Um, the cook,
when you order it that way?

Thanks.

- Any issue with the fries?
- No, I'm sure they're fine.

Not fine.

Oh.

Thanks.

You ever heard
of the Heimlich maneuver?

Uh, I prefer the Pez maneuver.
But at least you're safe.

Unless that's where
I lost my charm bracelet.

Hey, aren't those the girls
I just saw at your house?

Sullen and unemployed.

And vindictive.

Well, anyway, that's enough eating.

Time to walk it off. Obesity.

America's silent killer.

- I still have to pay for that burger.
- It's okay. I'm running a tab.

Flying death stars. Get down.

Flying death stars?

Over at that Chinese restaurant.

Oh, but spicy?
Yeah, that's the death part.

Let's go.

This could turn out okay.

As long as we're up in this tree,
they can't chop it down.

But it might get a little tight once
the rest of my luggage arrives.

I think you're missing
the whole point of this.

We're supposed to be
at one with nature.

Well,
I'm sitting on 50 yards of leather.

What could be
more natural than that?

Only 23 hours
and 49 minutes left to go.

Hello?

Wow, great reception up here.

And each minute
more excruciating than the last.

Sabrina, is there a problem?

No, no problem. The world's
just a big scary place, is all.

No, no, there will be
no street crossing on my watch.

Oh, but, Mom, all the other kids
are allowed to cross the street.

If all the other kids wanted
to jump off a cliff would you...

Look, I just want you to be safe.

I gotta watch what I say.
Hey, looks like rain.

- That was very Looney Tunes.
- Sabrina, what is with the umbrella?

- It's a beautiful day.
- You know what?

It is a beautiful day.

It's a beautiful day, I've thwarted you
three times. Count them.

French fry in the gullet,
ninja death stars to the head,

safe falling from the sky, ha.

You lose, I win
You lose, I win

You can't kill my boyfriend now

- Whoo-hoo.
- You're never gonna believe this.

I'm the new head of A & R
for Warner Records in Los Angeles.

- You're moving to L. A?
- Yeah, and I start tomorrow.

- But what about...?
- Shh.

Maybe we can't kill him, but good luck
with that long-distance thing.

You're breaking us up?

You lose, we win.

You lose, we win, you lose, we win
You lose, we win

You lose. Whoo-hoo.

And through this affirmation,

the trees and mankind will live
in peace and harmony.

And double pepperoni.

Do you mind?
I'm trying to commune with nature.

And I am trying to communicate
with the pizza guy.

Okay, after the fields,
you'll pass some bushes and a creek.

And then, we're sitting on top
of this big, brown and green thingy.

Hey, Sabrina,
what do you think of this?

"Aaron was a good man
with particularly good hair. "

They're not killing him.

The plaid princesses are trying
to break us up by moving him to L.A.

I'm not gonna let that happen.

They're not the only ones
that can do weaving.

Ha, ha. Lots of luck.

You can't even thread a needle.

Maybe not, but you can.

Eh?

Wow, this is the first den of evil

I've ever been in
with pink shag carpeting.

I wish I could say the same.
Oh, man, I miss hanging out with Elvis.

Salem, focus.
We have to find Aaron's tapestry.

Uh...

Is it this one on the loom
with his name on it?

Good focusing.

Oh, look at all the knots.
Poor, Aaron.

When he grows a tail,
I'll throw him a pity party.

But in the meantime,
we've got a little re-weaving to do.

Any chance this is
a weave-by-number?

Well,
I can kiss this manicure goodbye,

but I think
I still got myself a boyfriend.

Sabrina, I've been looking
all over for you.

Guess what.
I'm not moving to Los Angeles after all.

Well, isn't that a shocker?

No. I'm moving to Laos.

Well, now that really is a shocker.
Would you excuse me for a moment?

Sabrina, I've got some bad news.

- You're still moving to Laos?
- No.

But I've been doing some research.
I think I have rickets.

Please tell me you're praying

because you've been cured of rickets
and you're not moving to Laos.

No, I've had an epiphany.

I'm going to join a nunnery.

Your turn.

How's it going?

For a cat who's weaving
with paws on a loom?

Remarkable.

Oh, hi.

Uh. Oh, heh, this isn't Atlantic City.

No wonder
I couldn't find the nickel slots.

Gotta go. Bye.

Get me Sabrina's tapestry.

Now we're really
gonna have some fun.

Huh? Now you've really done it.

"Sabrina was a good woman
with particularly good hair. "

- Hey, it still works.
- Cute.

Weave your way out
of an animal shelter once I'm gone.

Sabrina, listen, before I go to L.A.,

there's something
I wanna talk to you about.

Oh, no.

Here it comes. Okay, I'm ready.

Just make it quick.

You know,
I knew I was gonna ask you this

from the moment
that I first met you,

and I just realized,
what am I waiting for?

Sabrina,

will you marry me?

What? Are you insane?

You don't wanna marry me.

Yes, I do. I love you.

Sabrina, we belong together.
It's fate.

Yeah, you better believe it's fate.
Okay, this is just getting ridiculous.

All right, you little delinquents,
it's recess at St. Brats.

Look, all I did
was save my friend's life

and all you've done since then
is try to ruin mine.

Forcing Aaron to propose makes
a mockery of our entire relationship.

This ends here and now.

Well, aren't you
the little drama queen. Ha, ha.

First of all,
we don't have to ruin your life.

You're an expert at doing that
all by yourself.

Just look at your tapestry.

And second,

we had nothing to do with
Mr. Honey-Man popping the question.

But what about the ring?

Oh, he got that last Thursday.

But that was before
any of this started.

Uh-huh.

So you just sat back
and watched me

destroy the most significant
and special moment of my entire life?

- Oh, yeah. Ha, ha.
- We had popcorn and everything.

Well, that explains the butter
and salt all over my teen years.

- Sure you don't want some pizza?
- No, I don't want some pizza.

I don't want a facial,
and I don't want a manicure,

and I don't want to borrow
your scented buckwheat pillow.

Why not?

Because this is a protest,
not a day at the spa.

I'm protesting.

Hardly.

I don't know
what you are getting so upset about.

You're the one who's always telling me
to think about what's important.

Well,
you know what's important to me?

Having a good time.

Enjoying life.

Just because you're giving back
to society

doesn't mean you have to suffer.

Yes, it does. That's how it's done.

Why?

Well, because it's...

You see...

Oh, just read the newsletter.

Sure you don't want any pizza?

It's veggie.

Well, maybe just one piece.

Salem, is there any chance
that Aaron is just in the other room

laughing over the callous,

uncaring way
I rejected his marriage proposal?

No, but I got a little chuckle out of it.

Flight 892 is now boarding.

All passengers, please proceed...

Hi there. Hi.

Hello, Sabrina.

Aaron, you've got to believe me.
I'm really sorry.

I guess I just didn't think you were
sincere about proposing to me.

What part seemed insincere?

Me offering you the diamond ring,

or getting down on my knees
and bearing my soul?

It's sounding a lot more
sincere now.

Look, I know how you must feel.

You must be totally humiliated,
completely embarrassed...

Yeah, I was there, thanks.

Well,
I just came here to say I love you.

And that I knew we belonged together
the very first moment I saw you.

Now, that sounded sincere.

You should've heard it
when I said it.

Would you mind if we?

You know, and for the record,

if you ever felt
like proposing to me again,

I could pretty much guarantee
that my answer would be different.

And you wouldn't even have
to have the ring with you.

But if you did,
that would be nice too.

You know, some people
might call me an idiot, I don't care.

Hey, idiot, you're kneeling in gum.

And I don't care.

- Sabrina, will you...?
- Yes.

Wait for me to finish.

Sorry. Right, right. Please go on.

Sabrina...

- Will be marry me?
- Yes.

Oh, this is how
I always pictured it would be.

What, being proposed to
in a crowded airport

by a guy with gum on his pants?

No, being proposed to by you.

The gum is just a nice touch.

Okay, guys, shift's over.

Oh, no, we're not going anywhere.

We are committed
to this big old tree.

And having fun doing it.

There's nothing that could possibly
get us to leave this tree.

- Guess what. I'm getting married!
- We're out of here.