Sabrina, the Animated Series (1999–2000): Season 1, Episode 64 - La Femme Sabrina - full transcript

[PURRING]

♪ SHE'S GOT
A SUPERSTAR CAT ♪

♪ WHO KNOWS
WHERE IT'S AT ♪

♪ STAND UP
AND RAISE YOUR HAT ♪

♪ SHE'S A SPELLBOUND
ACROBAT ♪

♪ SO HAVE YOU SEEN HER? ♪

♪ SHE'S THE GREATEST ♪

♪ FOR SUPER MAGIC
CALL SABRINA ♪

♪ HERE COMES THE FUN NOW ♪

♪ ARE YOU READY? ♪

♪ COME HAVE A RIDE ♪



♪ GET HAPPY ♪

♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT,
SHE'LL BEWITCH YOU ♪

♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT,
SHE'LL BEWITCH YOU ♪

♪ SHE'S THE GREATEST ♪

♪ SABRINA ♪

♪ DUM DE DUM DUM DUM ♪

Sounds like a party,
or my name's not

Pound Sterling, Superspy.

And it is.

Let's crash this bash.

My goodness.

"Annual Baseball Mascot
Convention."

When in Rome.

The microchip should be this
way,



past the shark tanks and the
missile silos.

Let's get in and out
quickly.

You get the microchip and
I'll create a distraction.

Dance, Monsieur?

But of course.

Oh, You tango divinely.

Oh, You ain't seen
nothin' yet.

Whoaaaah...

You dance most passionately
for a waterfowl, Monsieur.

Merci.

Who are you really working
for?

I don't know what you're
talking about, darling.

I think you do.

Would you prefer to be
shaken... or stirred?

I'm sorry, Harvey.
They caught me.

I guess I'm just not as good
a super-spy as you.

Then I suppose I'll just
have to surrender, won't I?

[Grunt]

Curse you, stranger!

Who are you?

The name's Kinkle.

Harvey Kinkle.

Oh yeah.
Killer dream.

October 15!

Today's the day!

Wa-hoo!

Gangwaaaaay!!!!!

[Startled Gasp]

Ah-hah.

Who's your daddy, now, Mr.
Mousie?

Who's your daddy?

[Impact Grunt]

That'll teach me to play
with my food.

Sabrina, It's here!

It's here!

This house had best be on
fire,

or you're in for a world of
hurt.

Strike that.

This town had better be on
fire...

"On Her Majesty's
Expense Account"

comes out on video today!!!

Huh?

The new Pound Sterling
Superspy movie!

We've got to get to Video
Ferret before all the copies

are rented out!

Yaw!

So I read in the Pound Sterling
newsletter that the DVD

has a special supplemental
section with deleted scenes...

...including the hovercraft
chase through the

fireworks factory!

We're talking high quality
stuff.

Sounds good, Harve.

Can we stop for breakfast?

Oh no -- I'm way too
excited to think of food!

Of course you are.

Did I mention the
video is mastered

in five channel stereo-

Oh.

Oh.
Oh.

Nooooooooooooooooo!!!!!

Nooooooooooooooooo!!!!!

Nooooooooooooooooo!!!!!

Why go on?

[munch]

No point.
[munch]

No point in living without
[munch]

Pound Sterling.

Get a grip, drama king.

So you have to wait a week for
your movie.

It'll go fast.

Harv? Harv?

Ok, I've officially lost him.

Uh-oh.
Long face alert.

What troubles you, little
grasshopper?

It's Harvey.

He's all mopey and useless
because this spy video's

release date got pushed back a
week.

He's acting like he's
gonna die of a broken heart...

Oh cruel and bitter fate!

Why do you mock me so!?!

...That's assuming I
don't kill him first.

What's the big crisis?

Slap him some zappage.

With your powers Harvey
can have Pound Sterling

as his personal
shoelace scrubber.

Aunties?
Whaddaya think?

I think we're late for our
Karate lesson.

I also think you should stay
out of it.

Magic is not a cure for
everything.

Harvey needs to grow
up and learn to deal

with disappointment.

Witchsticks!

The thong broke on my karate
sandals!

Much better.

Now what was I saying?

Something about how magic
is not a solution for

every little problem?

Oh. Well, do as I
say, not as I do.

How can they act one
way and get mad

when I want to do
the same thing?

They took the hypocritical
oath.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'd like to get back

to my magazine.

It's a fascinating
article on coughing up

hairballs for distance.

Yuck.

I suppose one little spell
couldn't hurt...

Pssst -- Spooky.

I need a spell.

Ever hear of the word
"please"?

Please keep out of sight.

Harvey's gonna see you!

Ah, What is it?

I want the spy movie released
all over the world today

instead of next week.

Are you sure about that?

You heard what Zelda said.

Can you please dispense with
the guilt trip?

I'm kind of in a hurry here.

Patience is, as they say, a
virtue.

You and your young man would
do well to remember this.

Am I gonna get what I'm
asking for or not?

Oh, you'll get exactly what
you're asking for.

The spy movie will be
"released all over the world

today instead of next week."
Hahahahaha.

Wow.

Did we have an earthquake or
something?

And did you see a big green...

A big green what?

Um, never mind.

You'd think I was nuts.

Why am I in a suit?

I wish I could answer that
question.

I really wish I could answer
that question.

Spooky, get out here!
What did you do to us?

Finish the movie, you'll
finish the spell...

"Finish the movie?"

What's that
supposed to mean?!

[IMPACT GRUNT]

[frightened gibberish]

Spooky, you rat -- get out
here right now!

Oh.

I bet you're wondering why
I'm beating up my cookie

jar, aren't you?

Well, there's a perfectly
rational explanation which

I'm about to tell you.

Any second now.

Room... big... men... spin...

[doorbell rings]
Huh? Saved by the bell.

C'mon.

Huh.
Nobody here.

Everything looks pretty
normal.

Maybe this was a false alarm.

Yikes!
Bomb pops!

Whoah!

Yikes.

[kung fu warrior yells!]

W-when exactly did Ricky
the paperboy become

skilled in the martial arts?

About the same time
Mr. Patterson

started squirting acid!

[Yaaaaaaaaaah!]

Duck!

Cool umbrella!

Whoah!

Whoa-hoh!

Hey! Yow! Get off!

[kung fu warrior yells!]

Let's try a little
experiment.

[Yells]

Nice throwin', Tex.

How'd you know the hat would
spin like that?

Cause Pound Sterling used the
same trick in "From East

Bayonne With Love." The
killer garden hose was from

"Doctor Indecisive" and
the atomic deflector umbrella

gag is from "The Spy Who
Sorta Had a Crush On Me."

I asked for the spy movie to be
released all over the world

today and that's exactly
what Spooky did!

Sabrina, don't crack
up on me, here.

This is just a Pound Sterling
spy dream.

I have 'em all the time.

First time you've ever
been in one, though.

Um...
yeah.

This is a dream.

Sounds good to me.

So...

if this were a Pound Sterling
movie and we had to act out

the movie to escape, what
would happen next?

Well, I guess he'd be
getting information

on his next mission.

Excellent work, Agent W2.

You too, I9.

Uncle Quigley?

No, no.

As we all know, I am Special
Agent 1099.

Oh. Got it.

I must brief you both at once.

S.T.A.N.K. has come up
with a fiendish plot

that must be stopped.

"Stank?"

Yes, of course.

It stands for "Super
Terrifying Agency

of Nasty Killers."

Follow, please.

Why are we standing on a
manhole cover?

I've got a feeling this
isn't really a manhole

coveeeeerrrrr...

Holy monkeys -- I bet you
could do some serious network

gaming with this setup.

You could incinerate the globe
with a touch of a button.

Like I said, serious.

Your mission, W2 and I9, is
to infiltrate the secret lair

of the evil genius Furfinger.

Furfinger has built a
devolution ray with the power

to rob all humans of their
opposable thumbs.

Fiendish!

Why would he want to do
something like that?

Salem, er, Furfinger has a
real issue with thumbs.

Or so I hear.

Opposable thumbs are all
that separate human beings

from the beasts.

Dogs. Cats. Chimps.

And walruses?

Er, yes, walruses too, Agent
W2.

How 'bout tree frogs?

Oh, Delivering important
exposition is difficult enough

without these constant
interruptions!

Sor-ree.

Without thumbs, a human
can't do much.

Wow.

So we need to find that ray
and destroy it!

Exactly.

All this nonsense can't
possibly be from a

Pound Sterling movie.

Sort of.

But in Thundernuggets it was a
neutron bomb.

Oh. Well, let's go and
get this over with, huh?

We can't leave yet --
we haven't been given

our cool spy stuff.

What cool spy stuff?

For this mission,
research and development

has concocted this device.

If you turn the latch to the
left,

this is an ordinary backpack.

If, however, you turn the
latch to the right,

it belches out enough
sleeping mist to sedate a

medium-sized bull elephant.

We call it the
nap-sack.

We also have a hair
clip which doubles

as a synaptic disrupter.

When fired, it agitates
emotional response centers,

causing feelings of extreme
envy and jealousy.

Whoah!

Mom always liked you best!

Did not!
-Did so!

Did not!
-Did so!

Did so!
-Did Not!

Did so!
-Did!

Did Not!
-Did!

Did Not!
-Did!

Did Not!
-Did!

I call it the Green Barrette.

Y'know, as in "green"
with envy?

Okay, I see that.

Clever.

At least it goes with my
outfit.

What about me?

Don't I get any cool spy
stuff.

But of course, W2.

For you, we have this.

Ah, Devilishly clever.

On the surface, it appears to
be a simple novelty keychain

that clucks like a chicken.

But unless I am very much
mistaken,

it's really an elaborate
sonar defense system.

You are very much mistaken.

It's a novelty chicken
keychain that clucks.

How is that supposed to help
me?

Suppose a meglomaniacal
supervillain bent on world

conquest holds you up at
gunpoint,

commanding you to give him
a novelty chicken keychain

that clucks?

You'd be home free.

Great.

Furfinger is throwing an
elaborate party this evening

at his secret stronghold in
Lancaster Pennsylvania.

Your mission is to infiltrate
and destroy his weapon!

Welcome to Lancaster,
Pennsylvania.

Why is their always a
big formal wear scene

in these movies?

Gets the hero into a tux.

You look good.

I do?
Really?

Huh, maybe this whole spy
thing isn't as awful

as I thought.

"3rd Annual Super-Villain
Boot-Scootin' Hootenany

Hoe-down?"

We may be a smidge
overdressed.

♪ Bow to the
villain on your left, ♪

♪ bow to the villain on
your right. ♪

♪ Lift your eyepatch,
and waggle your scar ♪

♪ The supervillain hoe-down ♪

♪ is where the bad
guys go down ♪

♪ to count our loot while
scootin' boot with Doctor No ♪

♪ Where mastermind
and lackey ♪

♪ like dressin' real tacky ♪

♪ come hoe-down with the
supervillains ♪

♪ Dosey doe! ♪

♪ HEE HAW! ♪

Surreal.

Yeah, very melting clock.

Oh, look here, will you?

A lovely young man with a
chicken keychain.

Uh, No please!

Don't touch that!

Shoo!
Shoo!

Bad chicken -- shoo!

Uh-oh.

Could anything else possibly
go wrong today?

Hiiiiyaaaaaa!

[Karate warrior yells]

Of course it could.

[Karate warrior yells]

Are they like ever going to
actually attack?

Spy movie rule.

If the fight is over too fast,
it's no fun to watch.

Well, it ain't too much
fun to be in the middle of.

I'm slamming on the brakes.

OH!

Moo!
Moo!

Moo moo!

That was a big help.

I'm afraid, my dear, that
you're both far beyond help.

Hehehehe.

There, there Clarence.

It's all right.

The bad people are completely
under daddy's control.

[purrs contentedly]

His breed is very high
strung.

Salem, listen to me.

You are under a spell.

You have to fight it!

The only thing I need to
fight is a schedule which your

untimely intervention has
disrupted!

But what kind of host am I?

Come, bask in the wonders of
my sanctum sanctorum,

my fortress of eviltude.

Once I've used
my de-thumbicator

to zap away the thumbs from
every human on earth,

chaos will ensue!

Humans will finally know
the humiliation of eating

face first out of a bowl!

Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!

[Laughing to Humor
Furfinger]

Hold on there!

Just what do you think
you're doing?!

Rats.

You caught me going for
my secret doomsday

top-secret instant defeat ray!

Your organization has
actually perfected a secret

doomsday top-secret instant
defeat ray?

I mean I'd read all
about such things in the

evil genius trade magazines...

but I had no idea you guys
were so far along.

Geez, I musta been playing
with my chicken keychain when

1099 gave you that secret
doomsday top secret instant

defeat ray -- we can't let
Furfinger get it!

No!

Harvey...

you...
dummy...

HARVEY:
Sabrina?

Sabrina, wake up!

Glad you're awake.

We're in big trouble.

Ooooooh!

Is this a giant litter box?

Yup.

We're about to get
raked to death.

Eew.

Ah, Agent I9.
I see you are awake.

I just explained the devious
workings of my fiendish

deathtrap to your partner
here,

but I'm happy to go through
it again for your benefit.

That's okay, Furfinger.

I'll fill her in, 'kay?

No really, I don't mind.

That's okay.

Honestly, it's no trouble.

Another Spy Movie rule.

Supervillain death-trap
bragging syndrome.

I heard that!

I may have no thumbs, but my
ears work fine

thank-you-very-much.

I put a lot of careful
thought,

hard work and, yes, love into
designing this deathtrap

and I'm justifiably
proud of it.

Um, look Furfinger.

Isn't this the part where
you leave without taking

the trouble to make sure
we're definitely dead?

Wow, you have been paying
attention.

Ooh, where does the time go?

I'm scheduled to be robbing
the world of their collective

thumbs in six minutes.

Tempus fugit!

Enjoy your slow
lingering demise, kids!

[Evil laughter trailing off]

That thing is gonna pulp us!

If only we weren't out of
cool spy gadgets!

All I've got is my novelty
chicken keychain that clucks.

Any helpful ideas?

Waitaminit!
Give me that thing!

What are you doing?

Turning the volume
up to full blast!

And the point of that was...?

[loud clucking]

Wait and see.

It's raining hens!

Hallelujah!

My moment of triumph is
nearly nigh, Clarence.

[supportive whimper]

Once I've relieved mankind
of that dread appendenge which

has haunted my dreams -- the
ever elusive opposable thumb!

HARVEY: For you, it's going to
stay elusive.

Who said that?

The name is Spellman.

Sabrina "Your worst
nightmare" Spellman.

[Yells]

Yikes!

I need to escape!

Clarence, hold them off!

[bravely whimpers]

As if.

Step on it, Yoshin!

Ja! Ser gut! Yah,
horsen! Yah! Yah!

No good!
He's too far away!

We'll see about that.

Whooooah!

Nice try, Furfinger.

You win this time, W2.

But we will dance this dance
again...

and next time I will...Huh?

Whoa!

What's going on?

We finished the movie -- that
means the spell is finished!

What spell?

What are you talking
aboouuuuut...

Whoa.

What happened?

Hmm?

Uh... you don't
remember anything weird?

Well, I remember you dozing
off in mid-sentence.

Why are you roughnecking my
fridge?

I just, uh, thought there
might be something behind it.

Ah, never mind.

Harvey, there you are!

A little kitty kat told me you
were having video troubles.

You said it.

Well, so happens I have a
friend who reviews videos for

the Greendale Observer and he
lent me his advance

promotional copy!

Now you don't have to wait.

Um, thanks a bunch, Uncle
Quigley,

but I'm sorta thinking I'd
check out this whole

"playing in the fresh
air and sunshine" thing

I've heard so much about.

After all, it's only a
movie!