Sabrina, the Animated Series (1999–2000): Season 1, Episode 20 - The Grandparent Trap - full transcript

-Yah.
-Musketeers, to battle.

Aah! Salem, you promised
the spell wouldn't last very long.

-Aah!
-Ooh!

Nah-ha!

Aah!

Hey!

- That's my book report.
- Huh?

Salem!

Hmm. You know,
the French really know their cheese.

Salem! When is this spell going to end?

Right about now.



Great! My room has been trashed by
the three musketeers. Good one, Salem.

Hey, you're the one who said you wanted
your book report to "really come alive."

Not my fault you didn't take time
to think it through...

...and realize
the spell might have a downside.

And if I don't clean up this room,
my downside is gonna be in big trouble.

-Thanks very much.
-Thanks, yourself.

You know, you have a history
of jumping into things...

...before you have all the facts you need.

Well, how about that time
you put that dinosaur model together...

...and jumped ahead without reading
all the directions on the glue packet...

...and then had a plastic T-Rex
stuck to your hand for a week?

And then there was that other time
when you didn't bother...

...to read the whole recipe
and ended up baking an exploding cake.

Sabrina, Harvey's at the back door!



Wish I could stay to hear yet another
embarrassing story about myself...

...but I've got company.

Aw, come back any time.
I've got a million of them.

Hey, Sabrina, wanna come out
and do some boarding?

Sure, Harvey. But aren't you
going to be a little overdressed?

Oh, I've got to be an usher at my cousin
Harold's wedding in a little while.

But we still got time
to cut some pavement.

Cool. I'll get my stuff.

Uh, your toaster is ringing.

Oops. Just remembered. Bum leg.
Can't board. Thanks anyway. Bye.

Phew.

Hot! Ow, ow, ow!

Who set the toaster
on extra dark again?

Two emergency messages
from the netherworld.

-I wonder what's so urgent.
-It's from Grandma and Grandpa.

"We'll be visiting you later today.
We have an announcement...

...that may come as a terrific shock.
As you know...."

"We have been separated
for almost a month now.

And we have made a very
important decision...

...that we want our family
to be the first to know about.

Yours immortally, Warwick and Maroot."

Oh, no! They're getting a divorce.
I just know it!

Sabrina, don't jump to conclusions.

It may not be that at all.

After all, they have been seeing
that marriage counselor.

But if they get a divorce,
what'll happen to all the cool family stuff?

Like summers at Grandma
and Grandpa's house at the lake?

I learned to swim there
and to water-ski and dive.

Grandma and Grandpa's house
is my favorite place in the whole world.

Absolutely magical.

I don't want anything to change.
I won't let it.

- Not the toaster.
- Not the microwave.

I don't get it. What could it be?

-Quigley.
-Hey, Jane.

-Special delivery for you, Sabrina.
-For me?

Yes! It's the video I ordered.
Gargantic: The Special Edition.

I, myself, felt that the film was over-long,
with only passable dialogue...

...and performances,
but still worth seeing for the crisp editing...

...and outstanding
state-of-the-art visual effects.

Look, the answer to all our problems.

It's Gargantic.
It's about this guy named Mac...

...and this girl named Tulip and
how their love survived against all odds.

-Huh?
-Don't you get it?

All we need to do to keep Grandma
and Grandpa from getting a divorce...

...is to remind them
how much they really love each other.

What's this about your grandmother
and grandfather?

They're coming here
to make a big announcement.

Sabrina's convinced
it's that they're getting a divorce.

Are you sure you're not
jumping to conclusions again, Sabrina?

I know that's what it is.
I can just feel it, Uncle Quigley.

What if Mom and Dad are divorcing?
Aah!

Oh, get a grip. We don't know for sure
that that's what they're gonna announce.

That's it, that's the key.

We don't give them a chance
to make the announcement.

-Aah!
-We start working on them...

-...from the minute they walk in the door.
-We?

Right. The whole family.
Including Salem.

Excluding Salem.
I have no intention...

...of letting two of my oldest friends
see me in this humiliating condition.

Aah! Okay.
Who set the toaster on extra dark again?

Usually I'm not comfortable
meddling in other people's lives...

...but we are talking about
possibly saving a marriage here, so....

-So?
-So I'm willing to go along...

...with trying to get them back together,
on one condition.

No magic. I'm still recovering
from the last magic-induced disaster.

All I asked for
was a hot dog with relish...

...and I ended up with a 40-foot frank...

...that was being chased around the house
by a dancing leprechaun.

You had to upgrade us
to Witch Cook '95.

How'd I know there'd be glitches?

Well, okay. No magic, then.

We'll be matchmakers
the good old-fashioned mortal way.

And it'll still work. I know it will.

Oh, Maroot,
our love can only grow stronger...

...now that Sabrina has brought us
together again.

How can we ever thank her?

- How about doubling my allowance?
- Sorry to burst your bubble...

-...but your plan isn't gonna work.
-You don't even know my plan.

I don't even know it.

So how do you know
my plan won't work?

If you get your knuckles out of my rib cage,
maybe I'll tell you.

Do you know how much licking it takes
to get a coat this smooth?

So borrow my hair gel.

Now, cut the complaining
and just tell me...

...why I can't keep my grandparents
from getting a divorce.

First, let me point out...

...that you don't know for a fact
that they're planning to get a divorce.

The only evidence we have
is your opinion.

And second, they are two of the most
stubborn creatures in the netherworld.

Once a Spellman decides
to do something...

...nothing will change their minds.

Oh, yeah? Well, I'm a Spellman too.

And nothing is going to change my mind
about doing what it takes...

...to keep my grandparents together.

This is gonna be a bigger disaster
than the sinking of the Gargantic.

Harvey, you've gotta help me figure out
how to keep my grandparents together.

Eh-- Gee, Sabrina. I have a hard time
just keeping my socks together.

Come to think of it,
when you put two socks in the dryer...

...and only one comes out,
where does the other one go?

Harvey, focus.

Your cousin,
the one who's getting married...

...did he ever mention any stand-out stuff
they did that paved the way to love?

They played a lot of miniature golf.

Maybe something else?

Um, they went to
a lot of really hot concerts.

Please, Harvey,
can you think of anything else?

-They did go out to dinner a lot.
-That's it.

That's something that might actually work.
Thanks, Harvey, you're amazing.

Yeah, right.

I know how we start.
With a romantic dinner.

But I don't know how to cook
without magic.

Believe me,
you don't know how to cook with magic.

Well, one of us can cook.

And I had to go and say no magic,
didn't I?

Please do it, Uncle Quigley.

A big romantic feast
is just the thing we need...

...to get Grandma and Grandpa
back together.

-Well, uh....
-Great!

Now, here's what you'll need
to pick up at the store.

Fork-tailed spoon fish.
It's Grandpa's favorite.

-And duck eggs.
-And baby broccoli and caviar and--

The door. We don't have time
for interruptions right now.

Hurry, Uncle Quigley,
we've got a marriage to save.

-And get Baked Alaska.
-And Maine lobster and Georgia peaches.

Ahem. And catnip. Imported.

Sabrina,
how's my favorite granddaughter?

Grandpa Warwick, you're so early.

Ha-ha-ha! Nonsense.
I'm exactly on schedule as always.

Now where are Hilda and Zelda
keeping themselves?

Your grandmother will be here
any minute...

...and we have something
very important to tell you.

Uh, before you get around
to making any announcements, um...

...first let me show you my room.
It's so cool you're here.

We're all totally excited. Even Salem.

Ha, Salem?
Why, I haven't seen that old warlock...

...since I roomed with him in school,
back at old Saint Skip's.

Where is he? We all expected
great things of him, you know.

Uh, he's out getting his fur--
Uh, hair done.

Anyway,
just wait until you see my room.

Uh-oh. Uh, on second thought
let me show you Hilda's room instead.

No, nonsense. I....

Aah, ooh.

My word, Sabrina.
As my granddaughter...

...the granddaughter of an award-winning
warlock accountant...

...I would've expected you to have
a more highly developed...

...sense of neatness and order.

Uh, it's actually the latest new style
in interior decorating.

Um, it's in all the teen magazines.

Yes.
I think it's time you were instructed...

...in the proper use of a tidiness spell,
young lady.

Still a neat freak. Ooh, oh.

Aah!

Of course, you know
I'm here for a more important reason...

...than just helping you clean your room,
Sabrina.

I must find Hilda and Zelda.

I have a very important
announcement to make.

No! Let's wait for Grandma.

And boy,
what a wonderful grandma she is.

The nicest, kindest,
most beautiful woman in the netherworld.

Ooh! Yes.
She really is one in a million.

You know,
when I first met her, she--

Hold that thought, Grandpa.

I got Grandpa to admit
that Grandma's one in a million.

That's step number one.

How are we coming up on step
number two, the killer romantic dinner?

Quigley's not back yet.

Which gives us some time
to think about what's going on here.

I mean, what if Mom and Dad aren't really
here to announce their divorce--

I'm too busy doing stuff right now to think,
okay?

Gotta go.

Oh! Ding dong. Grandma's here.

- Grandma.
- Oh, Sabrina.

Where are Hilda and Zelda?

I really, really think it's best
we get the announcement made...

-...as soon as possible.
-How about a walk first?

Through the park?
Flowers in bloom, birds in song.

Just you and Grandpa.
He says he thinks you're one in a million.

Mm. Perhaps another time.

Right now,
we need to make the announce--

No! Not yet.

I mean, not until we've talked
about your trip. So how was it?

Oh, my darling.
Thank you for reminding me.

On my way over,
I ran into a delightful group of fairies.

Who,
when they heard I was visiting...

...my beloved daughters
and granddaughter...

...insisted on sending along gifts
for all of you.

I brought unicorns for everyone.

Ah! Maroot.

Not only do you have to be late
as always...

...but you also have to ruin my efforts
at tidying this place up...

...by bringing unicorns.

Everyone knows there's no way
to housebreak a unicorn.

Oh, for goodness sakes. You old coot.

Don't be such a party pooper.

I'll keep them in my closet, Grandpa,
until we can hire a unicorn whisperer.

Please just don't fight.

And what gifts did you bring?

A desk organizer and a broom,
no doubt.

Always right there with a put-down,
aren't you, Maroot?

Aah!

We better get dinner on the table.

What's going on?

You are irresponsible
and you consort with fairies.

Ohh!

And you're a fuddy-duddy
who folds his dirty clothes...

...before he puts them in the hamper.

Maybe a divorce wouldn't be
such a bad thing.

Bite your tongue.

Hey, I've known several couples
over the centuries...

...who divorced and went on
to be happily married...

...to other people.

They did?

Oh, who needs children
or grandchildren...

...when I have my perfect soul mate?

No! It would be too awful.

I know we promised
Uncle Quigley no magic but--

Ah, that ever pesky little "but."
What could it mean?

It means forget the little romantic dinner.
We're going for the big-time magic.

If there was ever a time
for the Spooky Jar, this is it.

We've gotta get Grandma
and Grandpa back in love...

...before they have the chance
to announce their divorce.

I'm in. Spooky Jar to the rescue.

Using Spooky Jar magic
on Mom and Dad?

I don't know.

Sabrina, Hilda, Zelda! Where are you?

Maroot and I are ready to make
our announcement.

Oh, stop all that yelling,
Warwick! They're probably in the kitchen.

I will cough up a hairball
the size of Cleveland...

...right under your bed
if those two stay around long enough...

...to find out my secret.

The Spooky Jar is in the den.
We'll sneak in the front door...

...and be right back with the spell.

See? I told you. In the kitchen.
You never listen.

We'd like to make
our announcement now, dear.

Where are Hilda and Zelda?

They're, uh, out. Um, doing their hair.
They'll be right back later.

You told me Salem
was having his done too.

Is everyone in this house
obsessed with their hair?

Salem? Here?

Oh, why, I haven't seen that big,
handsome hunk...

...of a warlock in centuries.

Where is he?

Uh, our pots and pans always
get excited around dinnertime.

You guys go into the den. No!
The living room. I'll get Hilda and Zelda.

Got a spell hot out of the jar.

One that will recreate
Mom and Dad's honeymoon.

Perfect!
"Waft this dust around the room...

...and old love is rekindled,
va-va-va-voom."

Thank you. And thank you.

Oh, honey. Reservations during
hailing season are so much cheaper.

We could've gotten here sooner,
if you hadn't stopped to go shopping..

...at that harmonic convergence outlet.

And what about you?

-Oh, who are you to tell me...
-I can't believe you!

What's happening?

This is supposed to be super romantic
and they're fighting worse than ever.

How were we supposed to know
their honeymoon was a disaster?

Hey, Sabrina.

-Oh, my gosh. We left the door open.
-Aah!

I got a break
from the wedding rehearsal.

Want to do some boarding?
Whoa. Sabrina, what's that?

Uh, Uncle Quig's new big screen DVD
hi-res ultra what-do-you-call-it TV.

Bye. Catch you later.

Hilda, Zelda, there you are.

Well, now that we're all finally here...

...I think it's time
that we made our announcement.

No! Not yet! Gotta have snacks first.
Be back in a flash.

We need a love potion
and we need one now.

-There is that old standby.
-Number nine?

Perfect. Hit it.

Belfry-flavored bat wing,
eye of newt, web of Charlotte...

...three of hearts. There. Done.

Anyone who drinks this
will instantly fall in love...

...with the first person they see.

Of course,
it won't last more than an hour...

...but maybe that'll be long enough
for Mom and Dad...

...to forget about their announcement.

A backup supply, just in case.

Grandma and Grandpa
just relived their honeymoon...

...and now they're gonna want a divorce
more than ever.

Dinner's off. Had to come up
with a more intense plan. Sorry.

Teenagers. Pah!

Mm.

Ahh.

Uh, hubba-hubba!

Sabrina, look out.

I warned you about those unicorns.

Wait. The backup glass.

Huh?

Aah!

Come back, I love you.

Uncle Quigley! No!

Sabrina, honey, is everything all right?

No. It's all wrong.

Uncle Quigley's gone postal,
my grandparents are getting a divorce...

...and no matter how much I want to,
there's nothing I can do to fix any of it.

What are you talking about, Sabrina?
We're not getting a divorce.

But your important announcement.

It's that Maroot and I have decided
to renew our wedding vows.

In fact,
the minister should be here any minute.

-Really?
-Oh, yes.

And you girls
are going to be my attendants.

When I heard Salem might be around...

...I thought
perhaps he could be my best man.

But it looks like I'll have to ask
my cousin Lenny...

...the zombie to do the honors.

Wait a minute. I went through
all this craziness for nothing?

I can't believe it.

Oh, go ahead and believe it, doll baby.

You did what you always do.
You jumped in without checking the facts.

Oh, yeah.
That old "look before you leap" thing.

Guess that is pretty key, huh?

And the next time you bang open
the door of a cabinet...

...you might wanna check
who might be trying to hide in it first.

Salem! What in blazes happened to you,
old man?

Before I answer any questions,
why don't you explain...

...how you could even consider
replacing me...

...with a loser like Lenny the zombie.

Now make way for the best man.

It really was a great wedding.

And didn't Mom and Dad look cute...

...leaving for their second honeymoon
on that broomstick built for two?

Hey, Sabrina,
the wedding rehearsal is finished.

-Still wanna do some boarding?
-Sure.

-Need to check that out?
-Nah. I'm sure it'll be fine.

Good one, Spellman.
You just did it again.

You've jumped to another conclusion.

D'oh! Catch you later, Harvey.

I've gotta make sure
everything's cool with the unicorns.

-The what?
-I promise I'll explain later.

Aunt Zelda, Aunt Hilda, Salem, help!

Freaks.