Sabrina, the Animated Series (1999–2000): Season 1, Episode 19 - Documagicary - full transcript
A tarantula-like person (and his ghostly cameraman) put Sabrina in a documentary called 'That Witch'. Sabrina is glad that she can 'control her own life' but she finds out being a star's not all it's cracked up to be and then she quits. Then, Tim the Witch Smeller is released from prison!
Uh-oh.
-Wow!
-Aah!
Whoa!
Aah! No!
Don't you just love shopping
at the Netherworld Mall, Sabrina?
Sabrina?
Can we please go home now? Please?
- Home?
- Seriously, Sabrina.
Shopping at the Netherworld Mall...
...is an important rite of passage
for a young witch.
Ugh! But I had plans with Harvey.
Instead I get dragged here
with my aunties.
And besides,
this place gives me the creeps.
Creeps? What's creepy about it?
Exposure to the Netherworld way of life
is necessary for a young witch.
All part of the training.
And as your guardians...
...we're here to make sure
you experience it all.
Like it or not, you've gotta
listen to us, Sabrina.
Ah. Great.
So much for being
in control of my own life.
I always have to do
what everyone else wants.
Grimma! Grimma! Grimma!
Grimma! Grimma!
Appearing today: Grimma Donna.
Oh, my gosh,
is Grimma really gonna be here?
I love her show
Trudi The Mortal Slayer.
It's the smash hit
of the Netherworld Network.
Last year it was Dawson Croaks.
Go figure.
Hauntings and bad nightmares, kids.
Yes, it's the one and only....
Grimma! Grimma! Grimma!
Look! There she is!
Grimma Donna!
Grimma, perhaps you would like
to say a few words to your fans?
Of course, Bones. Hello, people.
And thank you for adoring me.
Because of you I have a hit TV show...
...Three Homes in the Haunted Hills,
and no one to tell me what to do...
...not even my parents,
because I make more money than them.
I'm a star and I love you all.
Wow. That's the life.
I bet nobody forces Grimma Donna
to go to the Netherworld Mall.
Maybe not. But I'll bet her job
requires her to do a lot of things...
-...she would rather not do.
-Oh, come on. A star like her?
Hil, look! Broomie's is having
a one-day sale.
Hurry, before the place gets
picked over by nasty little gnomes.
-Wait for us here, Sabrina.
-Sure. Why not?
I have no life anyway.
Uh! I hate Slime-on-a-Stick.
Sure wish Aunt Hilda and Aunt Zelda
would hurry up so we can go home.
I get the weirdest feeling
I'm being watched.
Oh!
Aah! Whoa! Oof!
Oh. That was so, like, great.
You've got this look like Donna Wendigo
in Biker Bad Girls from Beyond The Grave.
-Did you get that shot?
-I got it, Mr. Tarantulino.
Your reaction was so, like, so reactive.
-So real!
-It was. You scared me.
Of course I did.
Sometimes I scare myself.
I'm that fantastic.
I am, of course, Clint Tarantulino,
director extraordinaire.
And my name's Wannabee,
camera-spook extraordinaire.
Charmed, I'm sure.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
She definitely meets
all network requirements.
-Huh?
-Young, young, and young!
-Mind telling me what this is about?
-Sure thing.
See, I'm directing this hot new show
for the Netherworld Network...
...and I've been scouting
for just the right young witch...
...to star in my production.
-And you're perfect!
-Me?
So just sign here, here, and here,
and we'll be in business.
Ooh, Clint, we won't even need a filter.
The camera loves her face.
Wait a minute,
what kind of show is this?
A documagicary called That Witch...
...following the day-to-day life
of a real sorceress.
You'll be viewed by millions
in the Netherworld.
They love watching shows
about their own kind.
-You'll be a star.
-Like Grimma Donna?
Grimma who?
Honey, you're gonna be big.
We'll market you in television,
movies, books, music.
With 30 percent
of the profit going to me.
But hey, you'll hardly notice it's missing!
- Sabrina Spellman, celebrity.
- Oh, yeah!
Sabrina Spellman,
taking orders from no one...
- ...calling her own shots.
- Loving this!
-In charge of her own life!
-So sign already...
...and I'll follow you back to the mortal world
and videotape your every move.
Gotta get permission first.
Be right back.
Can I? Can I? Can I? It will be so cool!
-I don't think it's a good idea, Sabrina.
-Told you he wouldn't go for it.
Better luck next time.
It all sounds fishy to me.
Besides, what do we know about this...
-...Clint Tarantulino fellow?
-He's the final word in terror.
He directed Gulp Fiction
and revived the career...
...of that zombie TV star, Joe Revolta.
You know,
from Welcome Back Slaughter?
- Never heard of him.
- Of course not, you're a mortal!
But everybody else has.
Please? Please?
Meet Sabrina Spellman, fully poseable
with lifelike whine-o-matic action.
You have no idea
what's involved with all this.
Fame. Money. Perks.
I think I've got a pretty good idea.
That's the upside, Sabrina.
You're forgetting about the hard work.
The long hours.
Grimma Donna seems
to be handling stardom just fine.
Oh? And exactly when did you talk
to Miss Grimma Donna?
Well, I didn't, exactly.
But she sure looked happy.
Her job is to look happy.
Trust me, Sabrina.
You're fooling yourself
if you think being a star means...
...you won't have to listen to anyone
tell you what to do.
You may wind up with even more
demands on you than before.
Yeah, but maybe she'll be rich enough to
hire someone who can cook decent food.
Ha-ha-ha! Please, Uncle Quigley.
I wanna do this, and I know
I'll be really, really good...
...and I promise nothing
will change around here.
Oh, I am such a pushover.
Thank you, Uncle Quigley!
There!
Just what I was waiting for.
Congratulations, Sabrina!
You're about to become a star!
Ah! I'm ready for my close-up,
Mr. Tarantulino.
Oh, yeah, give me that yawn.
-Love it, loving this.
-Aah!
Didn't realize we were starting so early.
Rise and shine, honey bunny.
You're on.
Now, let's see a little mumbo jumbo.
Go on, whammy the bed or something.
Um, I don't normally use magic
to make my bed.
The show's called That Witch...
...not That Boring Mortal Girl Who Does
Everything by Hand and Gets Low Ratings.
Make with the mumbo jumbo, kid,
or we're history before we even air!
Yes! Oh, sweet merciful enchantra...
...that was beautiful!
You get that, Wannabee?
-Affirmative, Mr. T.
-TV people are whacked.
You think our audience
is gonna wanna see a walking witch?
-Fly, baby, fly!
-But--
-It'll make for great ratings.
-Right!
Oh, yeah! Yeah, this is so hot, baby.
Hey, Sabrina.
Wanna come over later
and play my new video game...
-..."Brain Destroyer"?
-"Brain Destroyer"?
That's my favorite, Harvey.
I'd love to go. See you tonight.
Uh, okay. I guess.
You snooze, you lose, Smellman.
You want the audience
to think you're a wimpy witch?
Turn that snotty little mortal into a frog.
What are you waiting for?
I don't usually take care
of my problems that way.
You wanna be a star or not?
Maybe one quick zap
just to teach her a lesson.
Just for an hour, here's what you'll do
Turn into a creature that resembles you
What are you babbling about,
Spellman?
Oh! Aah!
Ha, ha! Wait till those network
trolls get a load of this!
Oh! Aah!
I smell a hit!
Actually, sir, I think that's the zombie
you're smelling.
Ugh!
Blah!
Oh, yeah. Well, I still thought
the rat was funny.
The network switchboards
are going crazy.
The ratings are in!
That Witch is a hit!
But they've only shown the theme song.
Hey, on network TV,
that's more than enough.
We're gonna be
in full production around here.
Congratulations, Sabrina, you're the new
"it" girl of the Netherworld Network.
I'm a star! No more taking
other people's orders.
Now I'll get to call my own shots.
- Huh?
- It's 4 a.m.
- Time to get rolling, babe.
- Ugh.
Cut! Cut!
What now?
These are your teeth you're trying
to clean, for enchantra's sake.
Let's do it with a little more conviction.
Okay. Take number 57.
Lower. Lower. How's the sound?
I'm trying to study here.
Can you study
some other subject now?
We've got enough of you
and the history book.
Dear diary....
Can't I have any privacy?
Oh, yes! Raw emotion!
But can you throw the diary again?
A little more to the left this time.
- Look, I need a break from filming, Clint.
- Sure thing.
Perfect time
for a special mall appearance.
Oh, no!
Sabrina! Sabrina! Sabrina!
Sabrina! Sabrina! Sabrina!
-Will you sign my tongue?
-Eww!
-Hey, Sabrina.
-Boy, am I glad to see you.
Haven't seen you around much lately.
Wanna catch a flick?
That would be so great, Harvey.
Let me see if I can get a--
Get rid of the mortal.
Five minutes till shoot time.
Uh, I'm pretty busy right now,
Harvey. Rain check?
Sure. See you, Sabrina.
I want you to meet
your new home tutor.
Tutor? But what about school?
My friends?
You're a star now.
No time for school or friends.
-Allow me to introduce Freddy.
-Pleasure.
-Aah!
-Sabrina, baby, what's wrong?
What's wrong? What's wrong?
I wanted to be in control of my life.
Instead I'm being bossed around...
...by the production crew from Hades.
-Enough is enough! I quit!
-Sorry, but you signed a contract.
And according to the very fine print,
a seven century contract.
Let me see that.
I've been duped by a gremlin?
Okay. If I have to do the show, I'll do it.
But I refuse to use magic.
Nothing in my contract says I have to.
What? We need you to be proactive,
edgy, in-your-face.
Without magic, there is no show.
Ratings will plummet.
The network trolls will go crazy.
I'll lose my job!
Sorry. Tough toenails.
Not as sorry as you're gonna be,
missy TV star.
Huh?
What are we doing here, Clint?
She doesn't wanna use magic.
Well, I'm gonna find a way...
...to force our little witch
to use her powers.
-How you gonna do that?
-Can't have a great heroine...
...without a great villain.
Last I heard, he was locked
in a dimensional prison.
- Ah!
- Tim the Witchsmeller?
Have you gone around the bend?
That bloke is dangerous!
-He could wipe out all of witchdom!
-Yeah. And?
The Witchsmeller is an immortal menace
that hunts witches for sport.
If the Witches' Council finds out
you released him...
...why, they'd rip you to shreds.
The Witches' Council will never find out.
With the Witchsmeller on the show,
hunting down our little star...
...we're guaranteed a 30 share.
But what about the consequences?
Consequences, shmonsequences!
This is art!
Are you the one
they call Tim the Witchsmeller?
I have two words for you:
Sabrina Spellman.
The witchling who trapped me
in this prison?
Free me, and I'll destroy
the little brat once and for all!
Kid, I'm gonna make you a star.
Yes, Elton. We're back.
Okay. The old man's asleep upstairs.
And Sabrina's due back
with her aunts any minute.
Would you mind stepping back
just a smidge?
Pure evil. Love it!
I'm just glad
everything's back to normal around here.
Ha-ha-ha!
- Tim the Witchsmeller?
Hmm, we meet again, ladies.
My new witch trap bubble shield.
Never leave home without it.
He's trapped us
inside the house!
Prepare to be eradicated
on the Netherworld Network, ladies.
Looks like you're going
to have to use your magic, Sabrina...
...if you wanna stop the Witchsmeller.
-Clint? You did this.
-You'll never prove it, sweet thing.
Have a taste
of my magical scrambler, ladies.
One blast will render you
powerless forever!
- Ha-ha-ha!
- Aah!
- Hold it! Cut! Cut!
- Huh?
-Ran out of film. Need to reload.
-Ooh, please hurry.
Your timing is deucedly inconvenient.
Let's get out of here, girls.
What's with you guys? Ha, ha.
Finally see your reflections?
Okay. Anyone got ideas?
Sorry, I'm not fluent in terrified babble.
Salem?
-Why do I always have to save the day?
-Salem, you're a genius.
Hey! Find your own stuff
to hide under.
No, check it out.
Grandma Matilda's
magic teleportation blanket.
Wrap it around something,
and it'll magically transport it anywhere.
Like back to the prison dimension?
You've read my mind.
But that's only half the plan.
Ooh, I love it when you get that
sneaky look on your face.
You remind me...
...of me, actually.
All done, boss.
Ready to lock and load.
It's hunting time, Elton.
Which witch will it be?
Start with the witch behind you.
-You getting all this, Wannabee?
-Getting it, boss.
Don't know what trickery
you're up to, little one...
...but your twitching days are over.
Fine. But before I go,
just answer this question.
Who let you out
of your dimensional prison?
Who allowed you to once again to become
a threat to witches throughout the galaxy?
-Cut! Any of that go out?
-Nah. We're on five-second delay.
We use it for shooting mermaids.
They cuss like sailors.
So you thought you were gonna
get him to rat me out on camera...
...and get me busted
by the Witches' Council?
Guess you were
too smart for me, Clint.
So why did you release
the Witchsmeller?
Ratings, Sabrina. Big ratings.
The only thing that truly matters in life.
Because it's what they wanna see.
The audience. The fans sitting out there
in Netherworld TV land...
...hungering to see
something spectacular...
...something real, something alive!
And if I have to free a dangerous menace
and sacrifice a few witches to do that...
...well, isn't it worth it?
Goodness, and I thought I was nasty.
-Did you get all that, Salem?
-Affirmative.
Smile, suckers.
We jacked into your line.
Your confession just went out live
to the entire Netherworld.
What? What?
-She turned the tables on you, bub.
-And I didn't even use magic to do it.
I'm finished.
I'll be booted out of Hollyweird.
Roasted by nine gazillion witches!
Let's get out of here before they find us.
You might have tricked them...
...but you still have me
to contend with, witchling.
Guys? Time to drop
the curtain on this production.
No!
Blanket wrapped around the Witchsmeller
Take him back to his prison cellar
I'll get you for this, Sabrina!
Sabrina! Time to leave
for the Netherworld Museum!
Ready to go, aunties.
Can't wait to get there.
Any other places you wanna take me?
No fight? No fuss? No "I have no life"?
What are you talking about?
I have the greatest life.
Even with all
of our terrible demands on you?
Yeah, well, I guess I kind
of exaggerated things a bit.
And hey, even stars
have to listen to other people...
...and handle responsibilities
just like everyone else.
Well, seems your brief brush
with stardom did you wonders.
Yeah. I'm just glad things
are back to normal...
...and that the people telling me
what to do are the people who love me.
I'm sorry, Murray.
I need a catnip tree in my trailer...
...or I don't do the picture.
Yeah, that's hardball...
...but this is a hardball business.
Nope, gotta call you back...
...I've still got Scorsese's people
hanging on the other line.
Love you. Sure.
What?
Freaks.
-Wow!
-Aah!
Whoa!
Aah! No!
Don't you just love shopping
at the Netherworld Mall, Sabrina?
Sabrina?
Can we please go home now? Please?
- Home?
- Seriously, Sabrina.
Shopping at the Netherworld Mall...
...is an important rite of passage
for a young witch.
Ugh! But I had plans with Harvey.
Instead I get dragged here
with my aunties.
And besides,
this place gives me the creeps.
Creeps? What's creepy about it?
Exposure to the Netherworld way of life
is necessary for a young witch.
All part of the training.
And as your guardians...
...we're here to make sure
you experience it all.
Like it or not, you've gotta
listen to us, Sabrina.
Ah. Great.
So much for being
in control of my own life.
I always have to do
what everyone else wants.
Grimma! Grimma! Grimma!
Grimma! Grimma!
Appearing today: Grimma Donna.
Oh, my gosh,
is Grimma really gonna be here?
I love her show
Trudi The Mortal Slayer.
It's the smash hit
of the Netherworld Network.
Last year it was Dawson Croaks.
Go figure.
Hauntings and bad nightmares, kids.
Yes, it's the one and only....
Grimma! Grimma! Grimma!
Look! There she is!
Grimma Donna!
Grimma, perhaps you would like
to say a few words to your fans?
Of course, Bones. Hello, people.
And thank you for adoring me.
Because of you I have a hit TV show...
...Three Homes in the Haunted Hills,
and no one to tell me what to do...
...not even my parents,
because I make more money than them.
I'm a star and I love you all.
Wow. That's the life.
I bet nobody forces Grimma Donna
to go to the Netherworld Mall.
Maybe not. But I'll bet her job
requires her to do a lot of things...
-...she would rather not do.
-Oh, come on. A star like her?
Hil, look! Broomie's is having
a one-day sale.
Hurry, before the place gets
picked over by nasty little gnomes.
-Wait for us here, Sabrina.
-Sure. Why not?
I have no life anyway.
Uh! I hate Slime-on-a-Stick.
Sure wish Aunt Hilda and Aunt Zelda
would hurry up so we can go home.
I get the weirdest feeling
I'm being watched.
Oh!
Aah! Whoa! Oof!
Oh. That was so, like, great.
You've got this look like Donna Wendigo
in Biker Bad Girls from Beyond The Grave.
-Did you get that shot?
-I got it, Mr. Tarantulino.
Your reaction was so, like, so reactive.
-So real!
-It was. You scared me.
Of course I did.
Sometimes I scare myself.
I'm that fantastic.
I am, of course, Clint Tarantulino,
director extraordinaire.
And my name's Wannabee,
camera-spook extraordinaire.
Charmed, I'm sure.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
She definitely meets
all network requirements.
-Huh?
-Young, young, and young!
-Mind telling me what this is about?
-Sure thing.
See, I'm directing this hot new show
for the Netherworld Network...
...and I've been scouting
for just the right young witch...
...to star in my production.
-And you're perfect!
-Me?
So just sign here, here, and here,
and we'll be in business.
Ooh, Clint, we won't even need a filter.
The camera loves her face.
Wait a minute,
what kind of show is this?
A documagicary called That Witch...
...following the day-to-day life
of a real sorceress.
You'll be viewed by millions
in the Netherworld.
They love watching shows
about their own kind.
-You'll be a star.
-Like Grimma Donna?
Grimma who?
Honey, you're gonna be big.
We'll market you in television,
movies, books, music.
With 30 percent
of the profit going to me.
But hey, you'll hardly notice it's missing!
- Sabrina Spellman, celebrity.
- Oh, yeah!
Sabrina Spellman,
taking orders from no one...
- ...calling her own shots.
- Loving this!
-In charge of her own life!
-So sign already...
...and I'll follow you back to the mortal world
and videotape your every move.
Gotta get permission first.
Be right back.
Can I? Can I? Can I? It will be so cool!
-I don't think it's a good idea, Sabrina.
-Told you he wouldn't go for it.
Better luck next time.
It all sounds fishy to me.
Besides, what do we know about this...
-...Clint Tarantulino fellow?
-He's the final word in terror.
He directed Gulp Fiction
and revived the career...
...of that zombie TV star, Joe Revolta.
You know,
from Welcome Back Slaughter?
- Never heard of him.
- Of course not, you're a mortal!
But everybody else has.
Please? Please?
Meet Sabrina Spellman, fully poseable
with lifelike whine-o-matic action.
You have no idea
what's involved with all this.
Fame. Money. Perks.
I think I've got a pretty good idea.
That's the upside, Sabrina.
You're forgetting about the hard work.
The long hours.
Grimma Donna seems
to be handling stardom just fine.
Oh? And exactly when did you talk
to Miss Grimma Donna?
Well, I didn't, exactly.
But she sure looked happy.
Her job is to look happy.
Trust me, Sabrina.
You're fooling yourself
if you think being a star means...
...you won't have to listen to anyone
tell you what to do.
You may wind up with even more
demands on you than before.
Yeah, but maybe she'll be rich enough to
hire someone who can cook decent food.
Ha-ha-ha! Please, Uncle Quigley.
I wanna do this, and I know
I'll be really, really good...
...and I promise nothing
will change around here.
Oh, I am such a pushover.
Thank you, Uncle Quigley!
There!
Just what I was waiting for.
Congratulations, Sabrina!
You're about to become a star!
Ah! I'm ready for my close-up,
Mr. Tarantulino.
Oh, yeah, give me that yawn.
-Love it, loving this.
-Aah!
Didn't realize we were starting so early.
Rise and shine, honey bunny.
You're on.
Now, let's see a little mumbo jumbo.
Go on, whammy the bed or something.
Um, I don't normally use magic
to make my bed.
The show's called That Witch...
...not That Boring Mortal Girl Who Does
Everything by Hand and Gets Low Ratings.
Make with the mumbo jumbo, kid,
or we're history before we even air!
Yes! Oh, sweet merciful enchantra...
...that was beautiful!
You get that, Wannabee?
-Affirmative, Mr. T.
-TV people are whacked.
You think our audience
is gonna wanna see a walking witch?
-Fly, baby, fly!
-But--
-It'll make for great ratings.
-Right!
Oh, yeah! Yeah, this is so hot, baby.
Hey, Sabrina.
Wanna come over later
and play my new video game...
-..."Brain Destroyer"?
-"Brain Destroyer"?
That's my favorite, Harvey.
I'd love to go. See you tonight.
Uh, okay. I guess.
You snooze, you lose, Smellman.
You want the audience
to think you're a wimpy witch?
Turn that snotty little mortal into a frog.
What are you waiting for?
I don't usually take care
of my problems that way.
You wanna be a star or not?
Maybe one quick zap
just to teach her a lesson.
Just for an hour, here's what you'll do
Turn into a creature that resembles you
What are you babbling about,
Spellman?
Oh! Aah!
Ha, ha! Wait till those network
trolls get a load of this!
Oh! Aah!
I smell a hit!
Actually, sir, I think that's the zombie
you're smelling.
Ugh!
Blah!
Oh, yeah. Well, I still thought
the rat was funny.
The network switchboards
are going crazy.
The ratings are in!
That Witch is a hit!
But they've only shown the theme song.
Hey, on network TV,
that's more than enough.
We're gonna be
in full production around here.
Congratulations, Sabrina, you're the new
"it" girl of the Netherworld Network.
I'm a star! No more taking
other people's orders.
Now I'll get to call my own shots.
- Huh?
- It's 4 a.m.
- Time to get rolling, babe.
- Ugh.
Cut! Cut!
What now?
These are your teeth you're trying
to clean, for enchantra's sake.
Let's do it with a little more conviction.
Okay. Take number 57.
Lower. Lower. How's the sound?
I'm trying to study here.
Can you study
some other subject now?
We've got enough of you
and the history book.
Dear diary....
Can't I have any privacy?
Oh, yes! Raw emotion!
But can you throw the diary again?
A little more to the left this time.
- Look, I need a break from filming, Clint.
- Sure thing.
Perfect time
for a special mall appearance.
Oh, no!
Sabrina! Sabrina! Sabrina!
Sabrina! Sabrina! Sabrina!
-Will you sign my tongue?
-Eww!
-Hey, Sabrina.
-Boy, am I glad to see you.
Haven't seen you around much lately.
Wanna catch a flick?
That would be so great, Harvey.
Let me see if I can get a--
Get rid of the mortal.
Five minutes till shoot time.
Uh, I'm pretty busy right now,
Harvey. Rain check?
Sure. See you, Sabrina.
I want you to meet
your new home tutor.
Tutor? But what about school?
My friends?
You're a star now.
No time for school or friends.
-Allow me to introduce Freddy.
-Pleasure.
-Aah!
-Sabrina, baby, what's wrong?
What's wrong? What's wrong?
I wanted to be in control of my life.
Instead I'm being bossed around...
...by the production crew from Hades.
-Enough is enough! I quit!
-Sorry, but you signed a contract.
And according to the very fine print,
a seven century contract.
Let me see that.
I've been duped by a gremlin?
Okay. If I have to do the show, I'll do it.
But I refuse to use magic.
Nothing in my contract says I have to.
What? We need you to be proactive,
edgy, in-your-face.
Without magic, there is no show.
Ratings will plummet.
The network trolls will go crazy.
I'll lose my job!
Sorry. Tough toenails.
Not as sorry as you're gonna be,
missy TV star.
Huh?
What are we doing here, Clint?
She doesn't wanna use magic.
Well, I'm gonna find a way...
...to force our little witch
to use her powers.
-How you gonna do that?
-Can't have a great heroine...
...without a great villain.
Last I heard, he was locked
in a dimensional prison.
- Ah!
- Tim the Witchsmeller?
Have you gone around the bend?
That bloke is dangerous!
-He could wipe out all of witchdom!
-Yeah. And?
The Witchsmeller is an immortal menace
that hunts witches for sport.
If the Witches' Council finds out
you released him...
...why, they'd rip you to shreds.
The Witches' Council will never find out.
With the Witchsmeller on the show,
hunting down our little star...
...we're guaranteed a 30 share.
But what about the consequences?
Consequences, shmonsequences!
This is art!
Are you the one
they call Tim the Witchsmeller?
I have two words for you:
Sabrina Spellman.
The witchling who trapped me
in this prison?
Free me, and I'll destroy
the little brat once and for all!
Kid, I'm gonna make you a star.
Yes, Elton. We're back.
Okay. The old man's asleep upstairs.
And Sabrina's due back
with her aunts any minute.
Would you mind stepping back
just a smidge?
Pure evil. Love it!
I'm just glad
everything's back to normal around here.
Ha-ha-ha!
- Tim the Witchsmeller?
Hmm, we meet again, ladies.
My new witch trap bubble shield.
Never leave home without it.
He's trapped us
inside the house!
Prepare to be eradicated
on the Netherworld Network, ladies.
Looks like you're going
to have to use your magic, Sabrina...
...if you wanna stop the Witchsmeller.
-Clint? You did this.
-You'll never prove it, sweet thing.
Have a taste
of my magical scrambler, ladies.
One blast will render you
powerless forever!
- Ha-ha-ha!
- Aah!
- Hold it! Cut! Cut!
- Huh?
-Ran out of film. Need to reload.
-Ooh, please hurry.
Your timing is deucedly inconvenient.
Let's get out of here, girls.
What's with you guys? Ha, ha.
Finally see your reflections?
Okay. Anyone got ideas?
Sorry, I'm not fluent in terrified babble.
Salem?
-Why do I always have to save the day?
-Salem, you're a genius.
Hey! Find your own stuff
to hide under.
No, check it out.
Grandma Matilda's
magic teleportation blanket.
Wrap it around something,
and it'll magically transport it anywhere.
Like back to the prison dimension?
You've read my mind.
But that's only half the plan.
Ooh, I love it when you get that
sneaky look on your face.
You remind me...
...of me, actually.
All done, boss.
Ready to lock and load.
It's hunting time, Elton.
Which witch will it be?
Start with the witch behind you.
-You getting all this, Wannabee?
-Getting it, boss.
Don't know what trickery
you're up to, little one...
...but your twitching days are over.
Fine. But before I go,
just answer this question.
Who let you out
of your dimensional prison?
Who allowed you to once again to become
a threat to witches throughout the galaxy?
-Cut! Any of that go out?
-Nah. We're on five-second delay.
We use it for shooting mermaids.
They cuss like sailors.
So you thought you were gonna
get him to rat me out on camera...
...and get me busted
by the Witches' Council?
Guess you were
too smart for me, Clint.
So why did you release
the Witchsmeller?
Ratings, Sabrina. Big ratings.
The only thing that truly matters in life.
Because it's what they wanna see.
The audience. The fans sitting out there
in Netherworld TV land...
...hungering to see
something spectacular...
...something real, something alive!
And if I have to free a dangerous menace
and sacrifice a few witches to do that...
...well, isn't it worth it?
Goodness, and I thought I was nasty.
-Did you get all that, Salem?
-Affirmative.
Smile, suckers.
We jacked into your line.
Your confession just went out live
to the entire Netherworld.
What? What?
-She turned the tables on you, bub.
-And I didn't even use magic to do it.
I'm finished.
I'll be booted out of Hollyweird.
Roasted by nine gazillion witches!
Let's get out of here before they find us.
You might have tricked them...
...but you still have me
to contend with, witchling.
Guys? Time to drop
the curtain on this production.
No!
Blanket wrapped around the Witchsmeller
Take him back to his prison cellar
I'll get you for this, Sabrina!
Sabrina! Time to leave
for the Netherworld Museum!
Ready to go, aunties.
Can't wait to get there.
Any other places you wanna take me?
No fight? No fuss? No "I have no life"?
What are you talking about?
I have the greatest life.
Even with all
of our terrible demands on you?
Yeah, well, I guess I kind
of exaggerated things a bit.
And hey, even stars
have to listen to other people...
...and handle responsibilities
just like everyone else.
Well, seems your brief brush
with stardom did you wonders.
Yeah. I'm just glad things
are back to normal...
...and that the people telling me
what to do are the people who love me.
I'm sorry, Murray.
I need a catnip tree in my trailer...
...or I don't do the picture.
Yeah, that's hardball...
...but this is a hardball business.
Nope, gotta call you back...
...I've still got Scorsese's people
hanging on the other line.
Love you. Sure.
What?
Freaks.