Sabrina, the Animated Series (1999–2000): Season 1, Episode 16 - Anywhere But Here - full transcript

Sabrina is tired of the restrictions that come with being a kid. She casts a spell that catapults her into adulthood. She loves the freedom at first but them shirks at the responsibility that comes with being an adult. Sabrina must reverse the spell before she is stuck in adulthood and misses out on being a kid!

Uh-oh.

-Wow!
-Aah!

Whoa!

Aah! No!

Welcome to opening day
of the Megamall...

...the largest fully enclosed,
completely carpeted...

...temperature-controlled,
guarded complex on the planet.

This is gonna be so cool, Sabrina.

Word is the video arcade here
is the only one in the world...

...to have mystic dragon
ninja space bats.

And the music store is supposed to be
bigger than the entire state of Utah.



Oh, wow!

We're on our way to shopping heaven.
I can't wait!

Now, I want us to stick to the plan.
If you kids get lost--

Kids? Aunt Zelda,
I'm, like, two days away from being 13.

Okay, okay.
So I'm 11-and-a-half months...

...and two days away.

- Ow!
- Ooh!

- Oh!
- Hey!

What happened?

We're wasting
valuable shopping minutes here.

-Sabrina....
-Cool move!

Hey, Sabrina, what just happ--

Later, you two.

Time for some power shopping.
Zelda really needs to put a little pizzazz...



...into that old wardrobe,
if you know what I mean.

Sabrina, back there at the turnstile,
what happ--

-Funny thing about that.
-Um, look, Harvey. The video arcade.

And a big pink balloon
for a pretty little girl.

I'm practically a teenager, and I'm kind
of tired of being treated like a little kid.

Yeah, well, I'm 44, and I'm really tired
of dressing up like an idiot...

...and making a fool of myself in public,
okay?

So just take the darned balloon,
will you, kid?

Sabrina! It's true. They've got it!

Mystic dragon ninja space bats!

All right. The first-ever playing
of mystic dragon ninja space bats.

Amazing.

Hmm. Unh!

Step up, kid. You're it.

This is the bomb.

Sorry, kid. A lot of intense thrills here.
I thought you were with an adult.

You got to have one with you
to play this game.

Place adult here.

No adult, no game.

-Next!
-Yee-hah!

This is so not fair.

Name, like, two things adults have
going for them that we don't.

Cars and cash and no curfew.

Well, I guess that's actually three things.

But on the downside,
they have really lame music.

Hey. Want to check out
The Monster Music Store?

Good one. Maybe they have
the new Funkhouse Ferrets CD.

Harvey, look!

Cool!

Excuse me. Where can I find
the new Funkhouse Ferrets CD?

Funkhouse Ferrets? Eh.... Oh.

-The new Funkhouse Ferrets CD?
-Can't rightly say.

But let me tell you a little story.

It's not about a man named Brady,
is it?

Because I think I've heard that one.

Gotcha.

Sabrina, look!

- The Disco Palindromes. I love their stuff.
- Killer.

I could dance backwards
and forwards to this all day long.

Bummer. Guess you didn't see the
"can't buy without parental consent" sticker.

-But--
-Next.

I do not believe this.

I'm too young
to buy a stupid CD on my own?

-Like, how insulting is that?
-That's pretty dumb.

But, hey, cheer up.
Look what's playing.

Wow. I Know What
You Screamed Last Summer 2.

That's supposed to be, like,
the best movie ever.

I Know What
You Screamed Last Summer 2.

I Know What
You Screamed Last Summer.

-Age?
-Twelve, but what does that have to do--

It's PG-13.

You got to be at least 13
or have an adult with you.

Pick another movie.

PG-13. More Summer Screaming.

Scream Til Your Head Hurts.
Can't Stop Screaming.

Adventures of Wombat Wally?

-It's Wombat Wally or nothing, kid.
-That rips it.

I am so tired of being a kid.
If I was an adult, I'd be free.

I could do whatever I wanted,
whenever I wanted.

Welcome to the wonderful
world of adults...

...where whatever you want
is exactly what you get.

I want wild clothes...

...the kind that would make
Uncle Quigley and Aunt Zelda crazy...

- ...a lot of them.
- You got it!

- And an incredibly cool apartment.
- Of course!

- And a really hot car.
- It's yours.

Now I want mountains of money
and tons of great CDs.

You're an adult.
There's nothing you can't have.

Yes, yes, yes!

Uh, Sabrina?
Maybe we ought to just forget it.

My cousin Jerome saw
I Know What You Screamed...

...and he said he threw up, like,
seven times.

Anyway,
I don't mind seeing Wombat Wally.

I can catch
I Know What You Screamed another time.

Go to a dopey kid movie
like Wombat Wally?

Thanks, anyway, Harvey.
You've been 13 for a week.

You have the right to enjoy
the perks of maturity.

I'll just wait for you over here, on this bench,
like some little-kid loser.

Get a clue.
You're, like, one of my best friends.

I'm not gonna leave you sitting out here
on some dumb bench.

We're hitting the world's largest
mighty slab pizza palace.

With every 10 toppings or more,
you get extra free cheese.

There you are.
I've been looking all over for you.

Hilda's waiting for us in the car.
It's time to leave.

Leave? But Harvey and I still have
about a zillion things we want to do here.

Sorry, Sabrina,
but I'm the one who's driving...

...and now is when I need to leave.

Now, when you're old enough
to be the one driving...

...then you can decide
when it's time to leave.

There's nothing about being a kid
that's working for me.

Being a kid is the worst.

I never get to do what I want.

I'm as smart as any adult. It's not fair.

Lower the volume, little mary sunshine.
I'm trying to concentrate here.

-Three-D. What a rush.
-If only I was an adult.

Boy, would I show them how it's done.

I can't stand it. Grownups get all the perks,
and I get all the rules.

And if only I could get a little peace
and quiet around here...

...perhaps I could finally get off
the poop deck level of this game.

Excuse me, Salem.
I forgot that you were one of them.

You're a warlock. You're ancient
probably too old and creaky...

...to even remember what it's like
to be young and want to have fun.

Ancient? Creaky?

Man. If only I was an adult.
If only I was the one running my own life.

-If only I--
-Tired of being a kid, huh?

Doesn't have the brains
to know when she has it made.

You want to be an adult so bad?
Fine. I can arrange that.

Hmm. Let's see.
It's in here somewhere.

Special one-time-only offer
a spell guaranteed to fast-forward you...

...into the world of adulthood...

...and get your grousing little half-witch
of a self out of my fur for a while.

"Take this watch, and you'll be grown.
Out in the world, and on your own.

If back home you want to run,
just set the hands at two and one.

But after the hours have passed 24,
the chance to return will be no more."

This is it!

My ticket out of here. Aloha to being a kid.
Salem, thank you. Thank you.

You get the deal, right?

Stay more than 24 hours,
and it's permanent. No refunds, no returns.

Fine. Whatever. I don't care.

I just want to be a grownup now.

I'm large and about to be in charge.

And where in the world of adults
would Miss Maturity like to go?

Anywhere but here.

All right.

Oh, wow! Is this where I live?

This is wonderful.

Being an adult is going to be
the absolute best.

Sabrina and Harvey Kinkle?
How perfect is this?

I'm grown-up, which means
I can do what I want all the time.

Plus I'm married to Harvey,
and I live in a super-cool place.

Huh. Yeah, like I'm ever
gonna want to go back.

Okay. Time to check out
how amazing my apartment is.

Ahh. Aah!

This is way less amazing
than I thought it was going to be.

Unh! Ooh!

Hi, honey. It's 6:45, and I'm home.

Something wrong, dear?

Harvey, does our place
seem a little small?

Yep, but it's all we can afford
on my salary...

...as a door-to-door
placemat salesman.

I don't know what it is with me and jobs.

Just can't seem to concentrate.

I feel mixed up...

...like, one minute
I was a kid in the mall.

Next thing I knew, I was all grown up.

Harvey, look!

I Know What You Screamed Last Summer
Part 12.

Now I can see it. I'm an adult.

This is the kind of stuff I've been waiting for.
Let's go.

-But, Sabrina, what about the kids?
-Kids?

There's no way
we can take them to a PG-13 movie.

Besides, I think they're hungry.

Maybe you ought to whip up a little dinner,
honey.

Uh-oh. I'm just a kid
who looks like a grownup.

I don't know how to cook...

...but that doesn't mean
I can't zap up a little something.

Oh, no.

Rule of witchcraft number 482,
no spells within spells.

Hey, I've got an idea.
How about we go out to eat?

Yay!

Yeah, I'm good.

And guess what.
Now we're going to the arcade.

Hooray!

What was I worried about?

I've got this adult thing down cold.

Don't you just hate it?

When you're a kid, you can eat stuff
like pizzas much as you want.

Now it just goes straight to your hips.

Oh.

I'm gonna play mystic dragon
ninja space bats.

Ooh. It's good to be old.

Hey, uh, lady.

Aren't you too old to be playing this?

It's kind of a teen game,
you know, uh, for kids.

And speaking of kids, honey,
ours are getting a little cranky.

Me too.

Hello. What? You're the landlord?

And the rent's due?

Harvey,
do we have money to pay the rent?

What? We need how much? By when?

Wow. This being an adult thing
has some really yucky parts to it.

So how's it going?
Enjoying ourselves, are we?

Having a blast.
All I need is a little money.

Oof!

Well, you could always get a job.
That's a grown-up thing to do.

A job. Great idea.
They'll give me money.

And then everything will be perfect.
I'll be rich and be able to do anything I want.

Welcome to Stone,
Stone, Stone, and Grindstone.

I'm Gem Stone, your boss.

-Tell me you're kidding.
-Look at this face.

I never kid. Kidding leads to joking,
which could lead to laughing...

...which probably leads to wrinkles.

Your workday begins precisely now!

Aah!

Boy, am I hungry.
And, boy, do I need to use the restroom.

Hello? Gem?
Uh, like, where's the ladies' room?

To locate that facility...

...you will need a facility locator map.

To acquire the map, you need
a restroom requisition form, w1313.

Huh? Okay. So how do I get that?

Sheesh, Spellman,
how old are you? 12?

You're acting like
you've never been a cog...

...in the wheels of a hopelessly
bloated corporate structure before.

To find the ladies' room,
all you have to do is get a map...

...from the office
of restroom resources...

...which happens to be located
right next to the ladies' room.

It's a system I designed myself.

Gee. How come
that doesn't come as a surprise?

Well, if it's a surprise you want,
here's your paycheck.

I'm an adult with money.
It's gonna get good now.

I can buy cool clothes and great CDs
and like, go to every killer theme park...

...in the entire world if I want to.

It's all yours.

Except for a few deductions--
Taxes, rent payment, taxes...

...insurance payments,
money for food, car payment...

...taxes on taxes, braces for kids,
and a few more taxes.

But I was gonna get CDs
and go to Hurl World.

This is definitely no fun.
When I was a kid, things were way cooler.

I wish I could just go home.

What? And give up the glamorous,
freewheeling life of an adult?

But, hey, I hope you get what you want
before time runs out.

Before time runs out? Time.

I can go home. The watch.

I can use it to break the spell.
What did I do with the watch?

It's 6:00. I got here yesterday at 6:45.
I've got to find that watch.

I've only got 45 minutes left.

I've gotta find that watch.
What did I do with it?

-Harvey, have you seen--
-You know, I never get tired...

...of looking at this old album.

See? It's pictures of the great times
we all had growing up...

...our junior high class trip,
your 16th birthday party...

...prom night,
our high school graduation.

I'm not in any of these.

I wasn't there for any of it.

I missed out on all the really
great stuff about being a kid.

Why was I in such a hurry to grow up?

Harvey, I've made,
like, such a big mistake.

Life was way better when I was a kid.

I've got to fix everything
before it's too late.

I've got to find my watch.

The watch?

Is it kind of an old-fashioned, like,
pocket watch thing?

-You've seen it?
-Yeah. I found it in the trash.

I gave it to the kids to play with.

Hey! Follow that motorcycle.

Taxi!

Follow that motorcycle.

Unh!

Eek! It's 6:30!

I've only got 15 minutes left!
We've gotta hurry.

What's the holdup?
Oh, no. He's getting away.

Can I borrow your skateboard?

This is, like,
a life-and-death emergency.

- I promise I'll return it.
- Wow!

Oh, look at the old lady go!

Hey!

Aah!

If back home you wish to run,
just set the hands at two and one.

Uhn! I'm home.

I'm a kid again.
No job, no boss, no landlord, yes!

Harvey, it's the right you.
You look exactly....

-Like you're supposed to look.
-Yeah, well, back at you.

Um, want to maybe go to a movie
or something?

Great idea!

And I know just
what I want to see. Wombat Wally.

Then I want to eat a really huge pizza,
and then I want to come straight home...

...so I can rearrange
all my stuffed animals.

Wombat Wally? Stuffed animals?

What's going on?

I'm just enjoying being a kid.

Heh, heh. Freaks.