Sabrina, the Animated Series (1999–2000): Season 1, Episode 13 - Wag the Witch - full transcript
Sabrina competes with Gem for office of Class President. They play dirty until Gem accuses her of being weird. Sabrina goes to disastrous lengths to prove her wrong. She must prevent the whole school from discovering her secret of being a witch.
Uh-oh.
Aah!
Whoa!
No!
Huh?
Just a little cold-water therapy
from a music lover.
Let me guess who strapped on a thumb
and turned off the hot water!
I'm all over it.
Huh?
I'm expecting an important call. Aah!
-Trust me. If it's important, it's for me.
-Isn't anyone gonna get the door?
The one bright spot
in living with teenage girls...
...you never once
have to answer the phone.
Improved long distance service,
anyone?
Come on, you guys, it's for me.
I know it is.
Doorbell-ringing pranksters. Hmph.
Hello?
I'm me-- Her-- She. Sabrina.
Good evening, Miss Spellman.
I just need a moment of your time
to answer a few simple questions.
Chloe? You're busted. What's up?
Sheesh.
Would you get normal caller ID?
I was using my official Chloe poll voice.
I'm finding out who everybody's
gonna vote for for class president.
Chloe, I've told everybody
I'm just thinking about running.
I haven't decided for sure yet.
Well, so far,
Pi is the only officially declared candidate.
He's determined
to be first student member...
...of international brotherhood
of birthday clowns...
...ever to be elected to public office.
But guess who is leading in the polls?
Heh, I'm leading in the polls?
Are you kidding? Do you think--?
No way.
-Way?
-Major way.
Of course it's no big deal.
Chloe, do you think I could really win?
Absolutely, and you would make
a great class president.
Yeah, maybe I would.
I could make some changes
that would make the school a better place.
You know, be a president
who really made a difference.
Cool. Check you later. Peace out.
I'm going to run for class president.
Uncle Quigley, isn't that great news?
I can't stand that sound!
Huh?
Well,
thanks for not letting my big news...
...interfere with your busy schedule
of petty bickering.
This is cat abuse, Pavarotten.
Okay, Uncle Quigley, this is not nice.
Neither is turning the hot water off
in the middle of a person's shower.
Oh, and who put the cat out last night?
The cat did not want to go out.
The Rottweilers from next door
were loose.
I had to sleep in the mailbox.
You were put out because you spit a furball
into my house slippers.
Like you can time a furball.
They have minds of their own.
Hey, family. Breaking news here.
I'm gonna run for class president.
-I'm going to make a difference and--
-That's nice, dear.
This isn't over. Ugh!
Sure, it is, Quig.
I'll be in the Netherworld all day tomorrow
for my annual fitness test.
By the time I get back, your feeble mind
will have forgotten all about this.
Ha, ha.
What was I thinking?
I can't be class president.
And why not?
I think there's a requirement
that you have to be normal.
I live in a house
where dishes wash themselves...
...people use the phone as a tennis ball,
and my uncle is having a feud with my cat.
Sabrina, everyone has something
about them that's odd.
The little quirks
are what make each of us unique.
A little quirk?
Aunt Zelda, I'm a witch.
And that makes you,
like, totally special.
In the Netherworld maybe.
In junior high, in the real world,
it makes me a freak.
If people are going to like me enough
to vote for me...
...I have to be a regular person.
I just have to.
Hey, Harvey. Guess what.
I'm going to run for class president.
I want you to be the first to know.
-I think you've been scooped.
-Huh?
"Vote for anyone but Spellman."
What's up with that?
You have to ask?
GEM Don't forget
to vote for anyone but Spellman.
Anyone but Spellman.
Hi, Harvey. Spellman.
Gem, how can you even be so mean?
It's a gift.
You're just campaigning against me?
You're not even running?
Well, I would,
except I have a teeny little problem...
...with my grade average
at the moment...
...which is preventing me from running.
But I bumped into Chloe
earlier this morning...
...and got the bad news
about you officially being a candidate.
If I can't be president,
I certainly don't want...
...someone as odd as you are
being the leader of my class.
Thus my little public service
announcements.
Here's a little safety announcement.
-Back off!
-Wha-- Hey!
There's the bell. Now go to your classes
and come out educated.
Ta-ta, loser.
Hey, Sabrina,
I think you're in trouble in the Chloe polls.
Hey, you smell okay.
You ought to get the word out.
Excuse me?
Yeah. Gem started a rumor about you...
...that you were on this all-garlic diet
and that you really reeked.
What? Why would she
say something like that?
Yeah. Negative campaigning.
Mi compadre, it's been a part
of the fabric of American politics...
...since Thomas Jefferson ran for office
in the late autumn of 1800.
The object is to make the person
you're campaigning against...
...appear to be something negative,
make them seem weird or offbeat.
Did you hear that?
She's out to make me seem weird.
Chloe, what am I going to do?
I am weird.
Let me just say two things.
One, you are not weird, you are different.
And that's cool.
And two, you're gonna fight this.
But how?
Hmm.
Well, it wouldn't technically
be spreading rumors...
...if I happen to mention something
that was actually true.
So did you hear?
You're front-runner for president again.
Yeah. It's all over school
that Gem sleeps in feet pajamas.
And now nobody is taking
what she has to say seriously anymore.
Ick! I must have picked up Zelda's salad
by mistake.
This has, ugh, anchovies all over it.
Anchovies make me gag.
So, what do you think
about the Gem-in-feet-pajamas thing?
No comment. I'm just a normal,
regular kid running for class president.
I have no interest
in spreading negativity.
Stylish. I'm honored
to be running against you.
Hey, mi amigo. Count on your vote?
Later, my worthy opponent.
-Pi is one of a kind.
-Man, I hope so.
I hope you guys are through eating.
"Spellman house puts S in strange
by Jane Jones.
When it was first rumored that Sabrina
might run for class president...
...this reporter decided
to do a little research.
Well, let me tell you. The Spellman house
really does put the S in strange.
Strange wailing noises,
cats jumping out of the mailbox...
...and last night,
this lather man was sighted there.
Could he be from a UFO?
Could Sabrina Spellman be an alien?"
I gotta check how this is playing
with the voters.
Jane, it was worth every penny I paid you
to do all that research on Sabrina.
After all, no one wants an oddball
for president.
Forget it, Gem.
Nobody's gonna believe this stupid stuff.
The Chloe polls disagrees.
You're behind people
who aren't even running.
Gem, this is so not fair.
Really? Then go ahead and prove...
...that there's not anything different
about you.
No problem. Sabrina will just let Jane
really get to know her...
...and then Jane can write another article
about how normal Sabrina is.
How's she gonna do that?
By following you everywhere
for the next 24 hours.
What? No, wait.
You mean everywhere?
Everywhere? Even to my house?
Yep, and I'm coming with her.
I'm joining your campaign, Sabrina.
I'm gonna be your spin doctor.
What's the matter, Spellman?
Got something to hide?
Huh?
Ooh!
Salem, what are you doing here?
Eh, plumbing problems.
The witches' council chamber's flooded.
Guess what. The pilgrims were wrong.
Witches don't float.
-How long are you gonna be here?
-All day.
Oh, no!
Let us in. Hey, Sabrina, what's up?
You call this normal?
Come on, Sabrina.
Don't waste time cleaning up.
Your house doesn't have to be perfect.
After all, you're just a normal, average kid.
Salem, quick! A magical transport zap.
Front door to back door. Do it,
and I'll clean your litter box for a month.
What was--?
Were we at the front, then--?
I feel really confused.
I'm dizzy,
and everything's sort of out of focus.
Oh, let me clean those for you.
I'll be back in a sec.
Harvey, get yourself and Jane
a glass of juice. I'll be right back.
Forget the juice.
Go with the peanut butter sandwiches.
That way, it'll be harder to talk about me
while I'm gone.
Aunt Zelda!
Aunt Zelda!
She's at the library. What's the 911?
Gem's campaigning against me.
All kinds of dirty tricks.
Says I'm an oddball.
Downstairs right now with Harvey,
reporter from the school paper.
Gotta help me.
Oh, there's gotta be something
in Zelda's spell book.
Wait a minute.
What exactly is it you're trying to do?
The impossible.
I just want people
to see me as ordinary.
I don't want them to see stuff
that's different.
All this stuff Jane's gonna see...
...when I go downstairs
and give her back her glasses.
That's it. A rose-colored glasses spell.
I'll zap her glasses,
and she won't be able to see anything...
...that is out of the ordinary.
Perfect. Do it.
You sure this will work?
On the reporter, but not on Harvey.
I forgot about Harvey.
Salem's fitness test.
What are we gonna do with Harvey?
Easy. You're taking him
to the mall for a pizza.
You'll pay. I'll drive.
Great idea, Jane.
And let's wait for Sabrina
in the living room.
Aunt Hilda, help!
Huh?
Huh?
Here you go. All clean.
Great news. We're all going
to the Mighty Slab for pizza.
My treat.
Think you should call a vet
or something?
Um, uh, just a few furballs. No big deal.
Whoa, look at the time. Got to hurry.
We're going to the Mighty Slab,
the one at the mall.
Who are you talking to?
Gem. I'm still on her payroll.
She gave me this phone, so I could--
Yes, I'm going to the mall
just like any other average, ordinary...
...nothing-different-about-me kid.
Average and ordinary? Yeah, right.
Spellman, I'm gonna prove that there is
something different about you...
...if it's the last thing I do.
James, mall!
Aah!
Oh, no, no, no!
Sabrina, what are you--?
Sabrina, you're really acting odd.
Hey.
Unh.
You kids stop horsing around
on the escalator.
Don't make me come up there.
-Hey, isn't that Michael Jordan?
-Will you chill?
You're really making yourself
look like a wacko.
Sorry. Gem's little war is getting to me,
and it's not just the class president thing.
She's always on my case. Why?
Because you're incredible,
and it bugs her.
But, Aunt Hilda,
all I want to be is ordinary.
Oh, look. A picture of Sabrina.
Hmm.
Think it makes me look unusual
in any way?
No. You look absolutely ordinary.
Huh?
Trust me, Jane.
There's nothing different here.
Just another face in the crowd.
That's me.
Wow, they've got a worn and torn
retro store now.
Meet me here after you finish
at the Mighty Slab.
See, Jane? You've spent practically
the whole afternoon with Sabrina...
...and she's just like any other kid.
Perfectly ordinary.
Hey, my fellow students.
-Hey, Pi, what's up?
-Just checking out the new nature store.
They have a superior collection
of beetle carcasses.
Did you know that there are more species
of beetles on this planet...
...than there are any other type
of living creature?
Really?
It's a fact. I'm crazy about insects.
As far as I'm concerned, bugs rule.
-So, what brings you guys to the mall?
-Nothing much. Just having a pizza, and--
Anchovies!
Oh, I see you got my complimentary pizza
with the extra anchovies.
Ha!
Anchovies!
Premium belch. Amazing.
Why is everyone laughing?
I ordered you a little bubbly, Sabrina.
Hope you like super-fizzy soda.
Hope you're gonna like
being a toenail fungus.
Okay, Gem, it's payback time.
So who's paying?
I enjoyed your little spitting
and belching act, Spellman.
Very presidential.
I need to stop
and get something for Hilda...
...as a thank you for driving us.
I think generosity is right up there
with being average...
...as an important quality in a president.
Fusty by Gert Gouch, 5.95 a quart.
Have a nice day.
Whoa, you smell
like my grandmother's bridge club.
Ha! Put that in your article.
Do we really want a class president
who smells like a room full of old ladies?
I don't usually smell like this.
Usually I smell very ordinary.
I don't smell like anything.
You would never notice me.
Harvey, Sabrina, over here.
Hey, is this great or what?
I am definitely coming back here
for Halloween.
Uh, he's a friend of yours, right?
Yes, but--
Aunt Hilda's
gotta be in here somewhere.
Catch you in a minute. I wanna see if they
have any really cool old-time comic books.
Oh, they are you.
They're called bubbleheads.
Sabrina, what do you think?
Huh?
The whole Spellman family is bizarre.
Certainly not presidential material.
Not even vice presidential.
It's one thing to be after me...
...but when you start messing
with my family, you've gone too far.
Whoa! Ugh!
Hey! Whoa!
Hey, Pi.
Freeze, shoplifter.
What have I done?
Aah!
Can't I take this stupid dress off?
No tampering with evidence.
You've got to let him go.
It was all my fault. Arrest me instead.
Sorry, sister. Tell it to the judge.
Try the food court after the dinner rush.
Hey! Nobody move till I get back.
-Huh?
-Hilda, help me.
I zapped the mannequin trying to trip Gem,
but I tripped Harvey.
Oh, Jane probably saw the whole thing.
Yeah, but she saw it
through rose-colored glasses.
She sees everything you do
as absolutely ordinary.
Throw off your shackles, my brother.
I bring proof of your innocence.
I have just finished
re-creating the incident...
...and drawn the result
of that re-creation here.
My bud Harvey tripped over
the leg of a mannequin...
...poor placement on that leg,
by the way...
...fell into the dress display
and tumbled out the door.
No crime here.
Just a badly designed mannequin.
You're weird, kid, but you're smart.
Your pal is free to go.
Yes!
Phlegm by Jenny Bronchitis,
and this one is--
Enough! Stop! No more!
Honey, you spent a lot of money
in the mall today.
You have this coming to you.
"I changed my earlier opinion
that Sabrina Spellman is odd."
"After spending an entire afternoon
with her...
...I discovered that she's so normal
that she is totally boring."
"There is absolutely nothing interesting
about her at all."
Whoa, no wonder
I didn't win the election.
Ugh. Aunt Zelda was right.
There's nothing wrong with being different.
That's what makes you special.
"Sabrina's friend Pi, however,
is a truly fascinating person.
Talk about quirky.
He's the definition of it.
And, wow, is he great."
My parents took away my phone
for making too many calls. Who won?
My classmates. It is I, your president.
Will the owner
of the Funkhouse Ferrets backpack...
...please move it out of the cafeteria?
Your lunch is over
its expiration date, mi amigo.
The fumes are grossing out
the hairnet ladies. Yeah.
Who won?
Someone who's never afraid to be himself.
Pi is truly a constant.
Freaks.
Aah!
Whoa!
No!
Huh?
Just a little cold-water therapy
from a music lover.
Let me guess who strapped on a thumb
and turned off the hot water!
I'm all over it.
Huh?
I'm expecting an important call. Aah!
-Trust me. If it's important, it's for me.
-Isn't anyone gonna get the door?
The one bright spot
in living with teenage girls...
...you never once
have to answer the phone.
Improved long distance service,
anyone?
Come on, you guys, it's for me.
I know it is.
Doorbell-ringing pranksters. Hmph.
Hello?
I'm me-- Her-- She. Sabrina.
Good evening, Miss Spellman.
I just need a moment of your time
to answer a few simple questions.
Chloe? You're busted. What's up?
Sheesh.
Would you get normal caller ID?
I was using my official Chloe poll voice.
I'm finding out who everybody's
gonna vote for for class president.
Chloe, I've told everybody
I'm just thinking about running.
I haven't decided for sure yet.
Well, so far,
Pi is the only officially declared candidate.
He's determined
to be first student member...
...of international brotherhood
of birthday clowns...
...ever to be elected to public office.
But guess who is leading in the polls?
Heh, I'm leading in the polls?
Are you kidding? Do you think--?
No way.
-Way?
-Major way.
Of course it's no big deal.
Chloe, do you think I could really win?
Absolutely, and you would make
a great class president.
Yeah, maybe I would.
I could make some changes
that would make the school a better place.
You know, be a president
who really made a difference.
Cool. Check you later. Peace out.
I'm going to run for class president.
Uncle Quigley, isn't that great news?
I can't stand that sound!
Huh?
Well,
thanks for not letting my big news...
...interfere with your busy schedule
of petty bickering.
This is cat abuse, Pavarotten.
Okay, Uncle Quigley, this is not nice.
Neither is turning the hot water off
in the middle of a person's shower.
Oh, and who put the cat out last night?
The cat did not want to go out.
The Rottweilers from next door
were loose.
I had to sleep in the mailbox.
You were put out because you spit a furball
into my house slippers.
Like you can time a furball.
They have minds of their own.
Hey, family. Breaking news here.
I'm gonna run for class president.
-I'm going to make a difference and--
-That's nice, dear.
This isn't over. Ugh!
Sure, it is, Quig.
I'll be in the Netherworld all day tomorrow
for my annual fitness test.
By the time I get back, your feeble mind
will have forgotten all about this.
Ha, ha.
What was I thinking?
I can't be class president.
And why not?
I think there's a requirement
that you have to be normal.
I live in a house
where dishes wash themselves...
...people use the phone as a tennis ball,
and my uncle is having a feud with my cat.
Sabrina, everyone has something
about them that's odd.
The little quirks
are what make each of us unique.
A little quirk?
Aunt Zelda, I'm a witch.
And that makes you,
like, totally special.
In the Netherworld maybe.
In junior high, in the real world,
it makes me a freak.
If people are going to like me enough
to vote for me...
...I have to be a regular person.
I just have to.
Hey, Harvey. Guess what.
I'm going to run for class president.
I want you to be the first to know.
-I think you've been scooped.
-Huh?
"Vote for anyone but Spellman."
What's up with that?
You have to ask?
GEM Don't forget
to vote for anyone but Spellman.
Anyone but Spellman.
Hi, Harvey. Spellman.
Gem, how can you even be so mean?
It's a gift.
You're just campaigning against me?
You're not even running?
Well, I would,
except I have a teeny little problem...
...with my grade average
at the moment...
...which is preventing me from running.
But I bumped into Chloe
earlier this morning...
...and got the bad news
about you officially being a candidate.
If I can't be president,
I certainly don't want...
...someone as odd as you are
being the leader of my class.
Thus my little public service
announcements.
Here's a little safety announcement.
-Back off!
-Wha-- Hey!
There's the bell. Now go to your classes
and come out educated.
Ta-ta, loser.
Hey, Sabrina,
I think you're in trouble in the Chloe polls.
Hey, you smell okay.
You ought to get the word out.
Excuse me?
Yeah. Gem started a rumor about you...
...that you were on this all-garlic diet
and that you really reeked.
What? Why would she
say something like that?
Yeah. Negative campaigning.
Mi compadre, it's been a part
of the fabric of American politics...
...since Thomas Jefferson ran for office
in the late autumn of 1800.
The object is to make the person
you're campaigning against...
...appear to be something negative,
make them seem weird or offbeat.
Did you hear that?
She's out to make me seem weird.
Chloe, what am I going to do?
I am weird.
Let me just say two things.
One, you are not weird, you are different.
And that's cool.
And two, you're gonna fight this.
But how?
Hmm.
Well, it wouldn't technically
be spreading rumors...
...if I happen to mention something
that was actually true.
So did you hear?
You're front-runner for president again.
Yeah. It's all over school
that Gem sleeps in feet pajamas.
And now nobody is taking
what she has to say seriously anymore.
Ick! I must have picked up Zelda's salad
by mistake.
This has, ugh, anchovies all over it.
Anchovies make me gag.
So, what do you think
about the Gem-in-feet-pajamas thing?
No comment. I'm just a normal,
regular kid running for class president.
I have no interest
in spreading negativity.
Stylish. I'm honored
to be running against you.
Hey, mi amigo. Count on your vote?
Later, my worthy opponent.
-Pi is one of a kind.
-Man, I hope so.
I hope you guys are through eating.
"Spellman house puts S in strange
by Jane Jones.
When it was first rumored that Sabrina
might run for class president...
...this reporter decided
to do a little research.
Well, let me tell you. The Spellman house
really does put the S in strange.
Strange wailing noises,
cats jumping out of the mailbox...
...and last night,
this lather man was sighted there.
Could he be from a UFO?
Could Sabrina Spellman be an alien?"
I gotta check how this is playing
with the voters.
Jane, it was worth every penny I paid you
to do all that research on Sabrina.
After all, no one wants an oddball
for president.
Forget it, Gem.
Nobody's gonna believe this stupid stuff.
The Chloe polls disagrees.
You're behind people
who aren't even running.
Gem, this is so not fair.
Really? Then go ahead and prove...
...that there's not anything different
about you.
No problem. Sabrina will just let Jane
really get to know her...
...and then Jane can write another article
about how normal Sabrina is.
How's she gonna do that?
By following you everywhere
for the next 24 hours.
What? No, wait.
You mean everywhere?
Everywhere? Even to my house?
Yep, and I'm coming with her.
I'm joining your campaign, Sabrina.
I'm gonna be your spin doctor.
What's the matter, Spellman?
Got something to hide?
Huh?
Ooh!
Salem, what are you doing here?
Eh, plumbing problems.
The witches' council chamber's flooded.
Guess what. The pilgrims were wrong.
Witches don't float.
-How long are you gonna be here?
-All day.
Oh, no!
Let us in. Hey, Sabrina, what's up?
You call this normal?
Come on, Sabrina.
Don't waste time cleaning up.
Your house doesn't have to be perfect.
After all, you're just a normal, average kid.
Salem, quick! A magical transport zap.
Front door to back door. Do it,
and I'll clean your litter box for a month.
What was--?
Were we at the front, then--?
I feel really confused.
I'm dizzy,
and everything's sort of out of focus.
Oh, let me clean those for you.
I'll be back in a sec.
Harvey, get yourself and Jane
a glass of juice. I'll be right back.
Forget the juice.
Go with the peanut butter sandwiches.
That way, it'll be harder to talk about me
while I'm gone.
Aunt Zelda!
Aunt Zelda!
She's at the library. What's the 911?
Gem's campaigning against me.
All kinds of dirty tricks.
Says I'm an oddball.
Downstairs right now with Harvey,
reporter from the school paper.
Gotta help me.
Oh, there's gotta be something
in Zelda's spell book.
Wait a minute.
What exactly is it you're trying to do?
The impossible.
I just want people
to see me as ordinary.
I don't want them to see stuff
that's different.
All this stuff Jane's gonna see...
...when I go downstairs
and give her back her glasses.
That's it. A rose-colored glasses spell.
I'll zap her glasses,
and she won't be able to see anything...
...that is out of the ordinary.
Perfect. Do it.
You sure this will work?
On the reporter, but not on Harvey.
I forgot about Harvey.
Salem's fitness test.
What are we gonna do with Harvey?
Easy. You're taking him
to the mall for a pizza.
You'll pay. I'll drive.
Great idea, Jane.
And let's wait for Sabrina
in the living room.
Aunt Hilda, help!
Huh?
Huh?
Here you go. All clean.
Great news. We're all going
to the Mighty Slab for pizza.
My treat.
Think you should call a vet
or something?
Um, uh, just a few furballs. No big deal.
Whoa, look at the time. Got to hurry.
We're going to the Mighty Slab,
the one at the mall.
Who are you talking to?
Gem. I'm still on her payroll.
She gave me this phone, so I could--
Yes, I'm going to the mall
just like any other average, ordinary...
...nothing-different-about-me kid.
Average and ordinary? Yeah, right.
Spellman, I'm gonna prove that there is
something different about you...
...if it's the last thing I do.
James, mall!
Aah!
Oh, no, no, no!
Sabrina, what are you--?
Sabrina, you're really acting odd.
Hey.
Unh.
You kids stop horsing around
on the escalator.
Don't make me come up there.
-Hey, isn't that Michael Jordan?
-Will you chill?
You're really making yourself
look like a wacko.
Sorry. Gem's little war is getting to me,
and it's not just the class president thing.
She's always on my case. Why?
Because you're incredible,
and it bugs her.
But, Aunt Hilda,
all I want to be is ordinary.
Oh, look. A picture of Sabrina.
Hmm.
Think it makes me look unusual
in any way?
No. You look absolutely ordinary.
Huh?
Trust me, Jane.
There's nothing different here.
Just another face in the crowd.
That's me.
Wow, they've got a worn and torn
retro store now.
Meet me here after you finish
at the Mighty Slab.
See, Jane? You've spent practically
the whole afternoon with Sabrina...
...and she's just like any other kid.
Perfectly ordinary.
Hey, my fellow students.
-Hey, Pi, what's up?
-Just checking out the new nature store.
They have a superior collection
of beetle carcasses.
Did you know that there are more species
of beetles on this planet...
...than there are any other type
of living creature?
Really?
It's a fact. I'm crazy about insects.
As far as I'm concerned, bugs rule.
-So, what brings you guys to the mall?
-Nothing much. Just having a pizza, and--
Anchovies!
Oh, I see you got my complimentary pizza
with the extra anchovies.
Ha!
Anchovies!
Premium belch. Amazing.
Why is everyone laughing?
I ordered you a little bubbly, Sabrina.
Hope you like super-fizzy soda.
Hope you're gonna like
being a toenail fungus.
Okay, Gem, it's payback time.
So who's paying?
I enjoyed your little spitting
and belching act, Spellman.
Very presidential.
I need to stop
and get something for Hilda...
...as a thank you for driving us.
I think generosity is right up there
with being average...
...as an important quality in a president.
Fusty by Gert Gouch, 5.95 a quart.
Have a nice day.
Whoa, you smell
like my grandmother's bridge club.
Ha! Put that in your article.
Do we really want a class president
who smells like a room full of old ladies?
I don't usually smell like this.
Usually I smell very ordinary.
I don't smell like anything.
You would never notice me.
Harvey, Sabrina, over here.
Hey, is this great or what?
I am definitely coming back here
for Halloween.
Uh, he's a friend of yours, right?
Yes, but--
Aunt Hilda's
gotta be in here somewhere.
Catch you in a minute. I wanna see if they
have any really cool old-time comic books.
Oh, they are you.
They're called bubbleheads.
Sabrina, what do you think?
Huh?
The whole Spellman family is bizarre.
Certainly not presidential material.
Not even vice presidential.
It's one thing to be after me...
...but when you start messing
with my family, you've gone too far.
Whoa! Ugh!
Hey! Whoa!
Hey, Pi.
Freeze, shoplifter.
What have I done?
Aah!
Can't I take this stupid dress off?
No tampering with evidence.
You've got to let him go.
It was all my fault. Arrest me instead.
Sorry, sister. Tell it to the judge.
Try the food court after the dinner rush.
Hey! Nobody move till I get back.
-Huh?
-Hilda, help me.
I zapped the mannequin trying to trip Gem,
but I tripped Harvey.
Oh, Jane probably saw the whole thing.
Yeah, but she saw it
through rose-colored glasses.
She sees everything you do
as absolutely ordinary.
Throw off your shackles, my brother.
I bring proof of your innocence.
I have just finished
re-creating the incident...
...and drawn the result
of that re-creation here.
My bud Harvey tripped over
the leg of a mannequin...
...poor placement on that leg,
by the way...
...fell into the dress display
and tumbled out the door.
No crime here.
Just a badly designed mannequin.
You're weird, kid, but you're smart.
Your pal is free to go.
Yes!
Phlegm by Jenny Bronchitis,
and this one is--
Enough! Stop! No more!
Honey, you spent a lot of money
in the mall today.
You have this coming to you.
"I changed my earlier opinion
that Sabrina Spellman is odd."
"After spending an entire afternoon
with her...
...I discovered that she's so normal
that she is totally boring."
"There is absolutely nothing interesting
about her at all."
Whoa, no wonder
I didn't win the election.
Ugh. Aunt Zelda was right.
There's nothing wrong with being different.
That's what makes you special.
"Sabrina's friend Pi, however,
is a truly fascinating person.
Talk about quirky.
He's the definition of it.
And, wow, is he great."
My parents took away my phone
for making too many calls. Who won?
My classmates. It is I, your president.
Will the owner
of the Funkhouse Ferrets backpack...
...please move it out of the cafeteria?
Your lunch is over
its expiration date, mi amigo.
The fumes are grossing out
the hairnet ladies. Yeah.
Who won?
Someone who's never afraid to be himself.
Pi is truly a constant.
Freaks.